#past life abuse
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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actually obsessed with restoring dignity in recovery
#i think its legitimately one of the most important things you can do#tagging this as whump but its also just real life lol#whump#whump prompts#whump prompt#whump writing#hurt/comfort#emotional hurt/comfort#past emotional abuse#my prompts
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The common thread tying together how mxtx treats all her well-rounded character across all her works is that a character's past is as real as their actions. That means that a character's tragic past is a key part of their character and should be considered while analyzing them. It also means that their actions are also their own and must be considered when analyzing them. One does not negate the other. The trauma that a character experiences in the narrative is not erased by their shitty actions, but those experiences also don't redeem their immoral behavior. Everyone must live with the consequences of their chosen actions, regardless of what drove them to make those choices. That is the lesson.
#mdzs#svsss#tgcf#ran into this banger of a text in a message i sent to someone:#'your tragic past is as real as your abusive personality'#wwx had to deal with the consequences of the qiongqi ambush even though he was defending himself#jyl had to deal with the consequences of saving wwx's life which she did instinctively and intentionally#neither of them were wrong but the consequences were still theirs to bear#jc had to deal with the consequences of turning his back on wwx#jl had to deal with the consequences of stabbing wwx in a fit of anger#jgy had to deal with the consequences of his multiple murderous schemes#whether by instinct or intention or planning or spur of the moment#they all must deal with the consequences of their actions#because that's life#and you live it with other people#who are *going* to react to the things you do#and these are just mdzs’s examples#sy has to deal with the consequences of becoming sqq#sj dealt with the consequences of allowing envy to rule his life bg suffering a qi deviation that made way for sy#xl has to deal with the consequences of attempting to destroy yong’an#which was that wuming got destroyed instead#mq and fx have to deal with the consequences of betraying and abandoning a friend#and so on and so forth
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I’ll probably do a longer post on this another time but I just want to say that it’s good and right to portray Vlad’s behavior towards Danny as Abuse and Vlad as his Abuser
Like yes yes, Danny is very powerful and fights back pretty well, successfully sabotages most of Vlad’s schemes, etc etc
But
He is still a CHILD that is being HARASSED and ACTIVELY HARMED by a man in a position of power over him, in an ONGOING ARRANGEMENT that SPECIFICALLY DEPRIVES DANNY OF ANY ABILITY TO SEEK HELP
Like the whole ‘arch-nemesis’ and ‘secret identity’ thing really muddies the whole thing but ultimately?? Vlad Is Just A Fucking Abuser
(This is not to take away from any possible Vlad Redemption or Moral Gray perspectives on Vlad, I love those and I think there’s a lot of potential to move forward between them - but the very first step? You gotta call a spade a spade.)
#danny fenton#danny phantom#vlad masters#who tf is tagging that man as just ‘vlad plasmius’ why does that suggestion keep appearing#(and YES this is the perspective i’m coming at ‘the life and death of danny phantom’ with)#(vlad will specifically identify his past behavior as abusive and denounce it)
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"I want this one, she said."
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#it just makes me so sad that she feels that she deserved what happened to her#and she doesn't agree with you when you tell her she didn't#she says similar things when talking about her mother#minthara has regularly received abuse her entire life and thinks she deserved it at every avenue#because if she was strong enough it wouldn't have happened#she takes her abuse and builds up thicker and thicker walls around herself#keeping everyone away from her no matter how much she craves connection#except for you#you are able to get past those walls because she knows with a guaranteed certainty you will never hurt her like everyone else has#i wonder how refreshing that has to be for her#two centuries of being abused by everyone you've ever cared for#terrified that the next will hurt you worse than the last#and you find someone you can guarantee will never harm you#there is a reason why minthara clings onto you so hard and literally does not want to be anywhere else but by your side
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Sherlock finally finds John's confidential file, with all the information about his childhood, his abusive father,his military journey, and the constant voice of solitude....until....
Please allow me to skip #FreemanFriday this week for a John gift.
This video and the story are my way to thank you for all your support, kindness, and messages this past week.
I found some healing in the process, and I guarantee you a happy ending.
@inevitably-johnlocked @lisbeth-kk @compact-and-beautiful @totallysilvergirl @safedistancefrombeingsmart @jobooksncoffee @jcshellyg @helloliriels @swissmissing @sherlockisactuallyagaysname @thinwhitedoc @apazwtsn @whatnext2020 @rockinlibrarian @peanitbear @medhes @sgam76 @johnlock-and-tea @angiefsutton @dapetty @ghostofnuggetspast @shiroinu98mf
@jcshellyg @astudyinvillains
#bbc sherlock#john watson#John's past#childhood#military#abusive father#headcanon#sherlock holmes#johnlock#martin freeman#benedict cumberbatch#video edit#london#221b baker street#solitude#love#new life#trigger warning#bright colours#can't believe I have to think of absolutely every available warning
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#inspiring#stress free#mental growth#mental strength#mental abuse#mental health#self reflection#self improvement#good life#life lessons#leaving the past behind#learning#self healing#self worth#self help#being yourself#be happy#live for today#living in the present#simple living#slow living#living well#live for yourself
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"I'm team feminist/feminism!" But will quickly drag a female character through the mud without sympathy for their circumstances just because they don't fit your ideals, will get mad when poc criticize a female character's actions that are very thinly coded in racism and say "support her crimes!" while ignoring how that often leads to the harm of poc characters, will shade woc characters or put them on higher pedestals than their yte counterparts while ignoring the harm they face while trying to meet your standards, will victim blame those who suffer (and are still suffering) from abuse when they act out in ways you deem "wrong" because of it, following up with the last point will mock and laugh at said abuse to uplift another female character (pitting women against women, even when the narrative does not ask for that), will dismiss any valuable argument displayed if the said female character is a little mean but then go and say "why can't female characters be mean? 🙄"
I could go on.
#fandom misogyny#misogny#like these are just things ive experienced within different fandoms just within the past two months! first bridgerton now hotd#i can't catch a break!#this was especially prevalent with lovecraft country when people were cheering on christine but ignoring the harm she put black people &#black women through just because she also faced oppression from her male peers but ignored how she used her privilege to harm others#many will be quick to make fun of alicent's abuse but then say they are on the side of feminism#news flash: if you ever have to make fun of someone being harmed to drive your point u need better debate skills#also need a life check bc that's so gross#and while im not saying every female character has to be perfect/can't be flawed#or that you can't enjoy flawed female characters its very obvious some rhetoric in these arguments are very harmful#especially again to pocs!#anti penelope featherington#hotd critical#fandom criticism#alicent hightower#eloise bridgerton#rhaenyra targeryan#bonnie bennett#this is more so a rant and idk how to really tag this#fandom racism#pls dni if you can't have a collected conversation on this topic#bridgerton#anti wanda maximoff#monica rambeau
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What ever you do don't think about Percy reading Estelle a little kid version of 'The Odyssey' because that's what Sally read to him but he doesn't want to scare her. Don't imagine Sally looking on with guilt in her eyes cus she HAD to read him the real one so he knew what to expect. Don't think about Sally looking down on her little girl with tears in her eyes cus she doesn't need to worry about snakes in her bed or teachers being Cyclopes. Don't think of Sally seeing Estelle with Paul and having to leave the room cus when Percy was that age they had Gabe. Don't think of the unimaginable guilt that Sally must feel for being relieved that Estelle's biggest battle at 16, is her Dad being her teacher. And whatever you do don't think about Percy feeling like an outsider in his own family even though he gets constantly reassured that he's part of it and loved.
#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#sally jackson#estelle blofis#paul blofis#teenage estelle making a comment about how blue food is for babies and Percy and Sally stopping cus to her its a juvenile thing but to them#it was a way to rebel against their abusive husband/stepdad.#camp half blood#perseus jackson#heroes of olympus#rick riordan#dont imagine Percy looking across the way at Sally Paul and Estelle play at the park and not going over cus he hed hate to ruin it with a#monster attack (theirs no monsters around that he can see but what if? he cant let his sister be harmed by them too)#pjo hoo toa#pjo#pjo series#theirs a Reddit abour this person that got to go on a overnight trip for school and their sleeping bag was a blanket tied up with rope.#their pjs were old sweats. their tooth paste was in bagie instead of a travel size. cus that all they could afford and they got bullied but#it was ok cus they got to go on the trip. but in the end the trip kinda sucked cus they didn't get to do what they wanted but they got to g#so it wasn't all bad. but afew years later after their family came into some money their little sibling got to go on the trip but they got#all new rhings for the trip. new clothes new sleeping bag a suit case. travel size products etc and while the other sibling get it its just#they're upset that they didnt get that. they know WHY they didnt but their still upset.#or that one episode of The Goid Place where elenor doesn't believe her mom is a good mom now cus she wanted a good mom but all she got was#shitty mom and if her mom had the ability to change she could have changed all along she just didnt.#that vibe but make it Percy Jackson (not to say sally was wrong she did what she could to make sure percy was prepared she just... doesn't#have to do that with Estelle that its kinda heart breaking cus she would have LOVED to not have had to prepare Percy but life sucks)
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There is no one way to recover and heal from any trauma. Each survivor chooses their own path or stumbles across it.
Laurie Matthew, Behind Enemy Lines
#quotes#Laurie Matthew#Behind Enemy Lines#thepersonalwords#literature#life quotes#prose#lit#spilled ink#abuse-survivors#half-insights#healing-abuse#healing-from-abuse#healing-insights#healing-journey#healing-quotes#healing-the-past#healing-trauma#recovery#survivors
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Can we stop vilifying Stolas? Blitzo and Stolas are both messes who need to work through their issues ended up hurting each other in different ways
#disclosure: I haven't seen anything past Mammon's Magnificent Musical Mid-Season Special#because whenever I watch vivzie's stuff I get my recs flooded with critical vids and have my enjoyment ruined#so I haven't seen much of the recent stuff#all I know is stolas broke things off and hung out with verosika#and that according to the YouTube consensus; Stolas is an abusive hypocrite apparently and blitz is a little uwu bb who did nothing wrong🥺#and Viv is the literal devil and should have her life ruined because they don't like her show#so I don't really know anything beyond that...#like Stolas and Blitz both did stuff wrong and ended up hurting each other unintentionally#why do we have to make one out to be evil#helluva boss#helluva stolas#helluva stolitz#blitzo#stolitz#helluva blitzo#vivziepop#stolas goetia
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Thinking about Psychonauts and how much I love the Aquato family once again
They mean the world to me your honor
#They are a strange little family with so many issues and generational trauma and YET they still LOVE EACHOTHER#DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT IS TO ME???#Nona; Augustus; Donatella; Dion; Frazie; Rasputin; Mirtala; Queepie-#I love you all and I owe you my life#DION AND DONATELLA ESPECIALLY; Y’ALL GET SO MUCH HATE FOR HAVING UNDERSTANDABLE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND IT DRIVES ME UP THE WALL :(#Aquatos get behind me; I’ll protect you from the people who think you abuse Raz and should just get adopted by Sasha and Milla#that’s a bad take and they should feel bad. like; he can still see Sasha and Milla and alternate parental figures; that’s fine-#But Raz; CANONICALLY; would NEVER give up his family; EVER#That boy would force everyone to have a heart on heart with him until everything is better because he DOES that in the GAME#When you talk to you family in Psychonauts 2 you can tell how much he loves them and how much they love him; even if it’s strained at the-#moment from how stressful the past THREE DAYS have been#YES EVEN DION AND DONATELLA#They love Raz so much!!! They’re both just going through it™️ atm and need time to clear their head: remember; everything that has happened-#has been in the span of 3 DAYS and their whole lives have been completely flipped upside down#I think they’re allowed to be upset; in fact; it would be weird if they weren’t#sorry this is word garbage I just love that family so much it makes me wanna drink paint#prince rambles in this chilies tonight#aquato family#psychonauts aquatos#psychonauts 2#psychonauts
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imagine if the federation tried to make a phoenix with birdperson's daughter wouldn't that be fucked up hahaha < insane
like father like daughter.
(pr0/c0mship dni)
#Rick and Morty#rick n morty#rnm#ram#fanart#Birdperson#Birddaughter#bird person#bird daughter#phoenixperson#phoenixdaughter#phoenix person#birdrick#if you squint#ive had this idea for a long time i hope no one beat me to it#ive doodled her a little but i was DYINGGG to make her a full design so . behold#rick and morty oc#angst#i tried to make it look like bp got his ass kicked in a fight with her before eventually shutting her down . if that wasnt obvious#i have lots of Thoughts for why i made her design the way i did so feel free to ask :p#blood#cyborg#something something parallel to rick projecting all of his negative experiences onto beth and continuing the cycle of abuse etc#compared to bp who tried his best but his kid was doomed to fail being the child of a criminal and the leader of the federation#my original caption for this was 'birdpersons worst nightmare'. because imagine seeing via ur best friend#the kind of negative effects that letting your past control your life can have. so you vow to do better for ur future family#only to watch your kid end up JUST. LIKE. YOU. especially all the parts of you you didnt want her to be#and having to wonder if it was your fault. IDK IM INSANE IM CRAZY birddaughter best charatcer i need her back </3#cloudysarts
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Another story idea. One of those basic ass stories where this child is abused by her family due to her sister (adopted) came and brainwashed the whole family into loving her and hating mc. In the end mc is framed for some crime and is ultimately executed. Only after mc dies does the family realize their fault when the whole world becomes destroyed. Following me? Basic ass brainwashing story. Anyway, here's the twist. Time gets reversed, and mc awakens to the point in time ten years before her death. But the twist? Mc isn't the main character. The story takes place from the viewpoint of one of the brainwashed siblings that slowly remembers their previous life.
#story ideas#i'm reading 'a world without you' and i am tired#why do they always go through brainwashing route?#'mc was horribly abused abandoned and neglected bc they were brainwashed!!!!!!!!!'#so unoriginal and boring#but what i find even more surprising is like...#how so many of the readers/audience wants them to die for what they did#these people were brainwashed and not in control of their actions but regardless they are the scum of the earth#idk man#i'll never get used to how people in this day and age feel empowered by the purity movement and like....#lack any and all sympathy/empathy for others#so it'd be fun to make a story based upon one of the characters they vilify#this character would slowly realize their past life#'why do i always feel guilty around this person?'#'i know they're terrified of me but i just want to help them in any way i can't#and then when they remember their past finally it's like#'i finally understand. how can i live with myself knowing what i put them through?'#it'd be a boring story but it'd be fun to shove in those people's faces
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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the erins will write the most horrifying realistic depictions of abusive relationships and then go online like "omg we literally invented the most wholesome romance..."
#it like... honestly drives me a bit crazy how the erins seem to think tigersasha is adorable to the point they call it ''true love''#and that goldenflower distracted him from his soulmate or whatever#and then like. tigerstar literally advocates for the eradication and shaming of people like her#he shames her for her past and she becomes so enmeshed she turns down a comfortable life because he put that shame in her#T&S isnt perfect but its a pretty decent example of what being in an abusive relationship can do to you#but then like. we're not SUPPOSED to read it like that!! we're supposed to read it like its uwu tragic!!!#its happened in yellowfangs secret too with yellowragged#its not even something the fandom believes in iirc most sasha art i see portrays the relationship as toxic for her
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