#part xv

[randomfoggytiger]

The Scully Family In-Depth (Part XV): "Other Fathers", Deleted Scenes, and "Things to Prove"

Never Again is precipitated by Dana Scully’s sidekick complex, a trickle down from her childhood daddy issues. While I’ve discussed her feeling of neglect with regards to Mulder (posts here and here), this analysis will zero in on Scully’s strivings for perfection, feelings of neglect, and subsequent discouragement and rebellion blooming from a failure to secure someone’s pride and attention. 

FATHER COMPLEXES

The first time Scully displayed vulnerability in Beyond the Sea was at her father's funeral, pleading with her mother for reassurance: “Was he at all proud of me?” By the end of the episode, she takes Maggie’s “He was your father” to heart, turning down a chance to give her father a final goodbye via the shady conduit Boggs. 

After her abduction and return, Scully meets her father once again in the land between Life and Death. Standing at his daughter’s side, Captain Scully pours out his heart in a touching monologue she takes back with her into life.  

More importantly, her father was the only person who knew she wouldn’t die--”We’ll be together again, Starbuck. Not now. Soon”-- and Mulder the only person who believed in her strength. Scully came back for Mulder, yes; but she still had to process her family’s hopelessness and her father’s visitation. 

An interesting and important note: Scully was aware when her family gave up in One Breath-- “When they found me-- after the doctors and even my family had given up, I experienced something that I never told you about. Even now it’s hard to find the words. But there’s one thing I’m certain: as certain as I am of this life, we have nothing to fear when it’s over.” 

Melissa, her voice (post here), was right: Scully was right there; and her spirit did speak back and forth with her sister in limbo. Knowing this, it makes sense why Missy pushed Dana so hard to accept every vital part of herself and her experiences in Season 3-- trying to prevent Scully's self-destruction through purposed ignorance.

The only problem is, Scully wasn't-- and isn’t-- sure how to understand her experience: on the one hand, it gives her a sense of peace when facing death (telling Mulder they have nothing to fear in Dod Kalm); but on the other, embracing that experience would require her to embrace other aspects of herself she is running from-- buried memories of her abduction, the paranormal happenings drawing naturally to her (post here), and her own fear of belief. 

In A Christmas Carol, Scully can’t sleep because of her father’s disappointment in her career path; in Pilot, she glibly tells the Assistant Directors her parents considered this change “an act of rebellion” (post here); and in Beyond the Sea, she is thrilled to be on closer terms with Captain Scully (though they struggle to connect with unaddressed issues between them, post here.) Her sense of self-worth is attached to her usefulness, which is measured by the praise or adoration she strives to earn from the people she looks up to. 

Avoiding instead of internalizing leads Scully from person to person-- man to man specifically-- looking for the acceptance she will only find in herself (all things.) 

She is drawn to men that open her mind to new possibilities-- Daniel Waterston, her teacher; Jack Willis, her instructor; Fox Mulder, the paranormal and little green men expert-- but are also devoted to their work and expect her to come along for the ride. Scully, enthralled, follows their lead; but after time passes and she remains second priority, Scully rebels and leaves. 

Scully has stayed with Mulder longer than any other romantic partner, miring herself in danger and intrigue and murder for over three years. And she has seemed-- despite the oddity of their situation-- content to be challenged and thrilled over pursuing the domesticity expected from peers her age. Yet Scully takes a sharp left turn in Never Again, contemplating her circular life path and seeking reassurance from Mulder for her decisions-- equally reaching for and rebelling against the second-place position she assumes he places her in. 

I’ve already written at length how Mulder completely misinterpreted his partner’s signals (thinking she was resenting him and the work rather than wanting assurance of her place in his life) and that his resulting actions accidentally confirmed Scully’s worst assumptions and fears (compelling her into the arms of Ed Jerse); but cutting that important angle out of this episode, let’s focus on the residuals of her father’s legacy that sends her into an ouroboros of insanity. 

MEASURING UP TO SUCCESS

Captain Scully lived in pursuit of accomplishment. “I’ve went at a proper pace-- many rewards-- until the moment that… I knew, I… understood that I would never see you again. My little girl. Then my life felt as if it had been the length of one breath, one heartbeat.” Although decorated properly in his medals of honor, her father's afterlife appears empty and alone, allotting ample time to count his successes while waiting for his loved ones to join.  

We see the echoes of that achievement mindset when Scully reexamines her life: the endless cycle of what she’s lost or the little she’s accomplished. The lesson her father tried to impart to her from the world of the Dead is blocked by her unwillingness to fully believe; and the gnawing of bereft dissatisfaction continues to build in the wake of personal tragedies and her partner’s inability to do or express more in their relationship. 

THE BEGINNINGS OF ONCE AGAIN

Scully stands behind her partner, tuning out his interrogation of a witness as dissatisfaction starts to pulse through her. Having already dismissed the case, she wanders off, trying to pinpoint or escape her swelling emotions, coming face-to-face with a wall of venerated names. These people are the embodiment of legacy: what they did mattered, who they were is remembered. Their service is recognized; their sacrifice is honored. 

Their names may be what draws her, but not what keeps her. Unlike her father, who wanted his named etched in higher rank or bigger history (Personality Type post here), Scully’s attention and emotions are captured by the personal, heartfelt memorial at the bottom of the glistening pillar: “BROTHER, TWENTY YEARS LATER… I STILL MISS YOU. WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID WAS RIGHT.” She slides down silently as her thoughts begin to solidify. 

Touching one of the rose petals, she ruminates on the loss of a life so insignificant to the rest of the world but so important to the ones he loved most-- that not only did he matter, but he mattered because what he did was right. 

Scully may be a woman who places herself in second position, but she is also a woman that demands respect and devotion-- proof that she is valued, loved, and cherished (Personality Type post here.) Furthermore, Scully lives her life by her morals and ethics, by what is right-- breaking up with Daniel Waterston before crossing an unbreakable line, holding herself to a standard of decency and honor, and demanding Mulder hear the truth even if it's hard to accept.  

As of late, there isn’t enough cherishing to balance out her self-doubts; and now that the scales are out of whack, her life seems unfairly disjointed. Because Scully is fixated on identifying and solving her problem, she misdiagnoses its cause, wondering if her presence would even be missed, nullifying the importance of her decisions and choices. And who does Scully look to first to set everything back into order? “Other fathers”-- or in this case, the Ahab to her Starbuck. (And this Ahab completely misses the memo.) 

These doubts plague her hours later: holding Mulder’s plate and sitting behind Mulder’s desk in Mulder’s chair, Scully sees her workspace with new eyes, noting how lacking her presence (seemingly) is, despite the devotion she’s poured into the X-Files. The rose petal’s significance has left its mark. 

Mulder poking Scully about abandoning him scratches at the open wound of “WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID WAS RIGHT”, flipping her concealed disillusionment into more outward hostility. 

Still, she tempers her annoyance, slipping it under Mulder’s radar… until: “Hm. Have you confirmed the identity of these individuals?” 

“That’s your assignment while I’m gone.” 

Her back immediately arches at assignment: sharp intake of breath, stiffened posture, and lowered eyes-- more signs of her anger. When she refuses, both of them are left frustrated. 

“So, you’re refusing an assignment based on the adventures of ‘Moose and Squirrel’?” Mulder teases, battening down his own anger with humor. 

“Refusing an assignment? It makes it sound like you’re my superior,” Scully replies, stepping around his olive branch and digging her heels in. 

When Mulder snaps, misreading her mood as disinterest in his work, she sighs, cryptically replying, “And it’s become mine.” 

Stung, he softly asks, “You don’t want it to be?”

Scully does her best to explain the chaotic whirlpool of emotions sucking her down-- “This isn’t about you. Or maybe it is indirectly, I don’t know. I feel like I’ve lost sight of myself, Mulder. It’s hard to see, let alone find, in the darkness of covert locations. I mean, I wish I could say we’re going in circles, but we’re not. We’re going in an endless line: two steps forward, and three steps back. While my own life is… standing still”--     

--but her response isn’t direct enough for Mulder’s suddenly resurrected abandonment issues. 

“Well, maybe it’s good we get away from each other for a while,” he surmises, assuming she’s sick of being around him; which causes her to close up, assuming he’s sick of listening to her problems.  Then he flees before she can rethink things further; and she sits and feels her admission has been ignored and minimized. 

Mulder is her Ahab; but he doesn’t expect subservience in their equal partnership. Now four years in, he and Scully both expect her to waltz off to the next case in his absence; and she is nettled by their assumptions, and he baffled by her response. Scully cannot see past the tall and commanding figure of her father to notice Mulder-- shrinking from her raised hackles, blaming himself for consuming too much of her time, calling her later because he wants her a part of his life, even in absentia-- reading his withdrawal as disapproval and rebuke.  

Scully has a long wait for Fight the Future’s declaration. In the meantime, she is crying out for validation and reciprocation; and stumbles across a form of it in Ed Jerse. And after a brief investigation into the Russians and Mulder’s commanding fumble over the phone, she decides to pursue that path as soon as possible. 

THE ALLURE OF DISOBEDIENCE

Ed Jerse is her mother’s cigarettes personified: sinful and satisfying, different and dangerous. The tattoo you deserve. 

“I’ve always gone around in this, uh… this circle," she tells him. "It usually starts when an authoritative or controlling figure comes into my life. And part of me likes it-- needs it, wants the approval-- but then at a certain point, along the way I just… y’know.

“My father was a Navy captain. I worshiped… I worship.. the sea that he sailed on. And,” she admits, looking down or up or away to keep her emotions in check, “when I was thirteen or so, I went through this… thing where I would sneak out of my parents' house and smoke my mother’s cigarettes.” 

Her monologue in the bar exactly parallels Luthor Lee Boggs’s extracted confession in Beyond the Sea: “There was... that one time when I was fourteen and my parents had gone to bed and I snuck downstairs all alone. Got one of my mom's cigarettes and went out onto the porch in the dark. I was so scared: my heart was beating-- I mean, they would have killed me if they knew. But I was so excited. Not because of the cigarette-- I mean it was gross, but... because I wasn't supposed to.” 

Even now, her eyes light up in recollection, a sly smile pulling at the corners of her lips. 

“And I did it because I knew that if he found out, he would kill me. And then, ” Scully wraps up, halting as her voice drops in disgust, “There are other… fathers.” 

“Sounds a little like… your time has come around again,” Ed posits, smooth and attentive with his unspoken promise of a good time. “I want things more like a straight line,” he adds; and so compelled is Scully that she forgets a straight, endless line is worse to her than an endless cycle.

To commemorate her breakthrough, Scully inks the chains of her life onto her back… in the same place where Mulder frequently steers her around. The tattoo she deserves, after all: trying to turn her self-punishment into liberation; glorying in the pain-- in the wrongness of it all-- in an effort to produce something new and exciting and beautiful. Starbuck, thou art aptly named. 

All for naught. 

“All this because I,” Mulder questions after it’s all over, “because I didn’t get you a desk?” 

Scully is once again caressing the rose petal; but looks up, surprised, that he bothers to ask her about anything other than their next case. Seeing that he’s serious, that he’s willing to listen, she says, “Not everything is about you, Mulder. This is my life.” 

Scully has figured out, rather late, that “other fathers” were not at play here: that her search for approval was an effort to conceal her aching loneliness because Mulder-- no matter how good his intentions-- isn’t ready to be a part of “my life.” 

And Mulder intuits this, too; and falls silent. 

ADDRESSING MEMENTO MORI’S DELETED SCENE

The last mention of Captain Scully in Season 4 pops up in a deleted scene from Memento Mori. 

There are many reasons why I dislike (loathe, really) this scene-- the depiction of her brother, mainly-- but those are secondary to the thoughts I want to explore here. 

Scully wakes from her round of chemo to a man in uniform by her bed. A flash of her coma visitation shines through; and she calls out, “Dad?” softly, with a smile. 

It’s Bill Scully, Jr. that advances out of the light instead, grabbing her hand in anxious confusion. “Dana?”

“Bill?” Scully, aware of her mistake, quickly withdraws her hand and sits up, momentarily humiliated. Laughing at herself, she starts, “I thought you were, uh…”

“You were expecting someone else,” Bill smooths.

In hindsight, this is a rather morbid remark on his behalf: clutching her hand like she’s dying and half-expecting her to be expecting apparitions of the dead. (It turns out this scene is framed around him deciding she's already got a foot in the grave.)

She thanks him for coming, Bill leans in to give her an awkward hug, and the two try to regain their equilibrium in the silence that follows. 

“You look good,” he lies; and Scully makes a face, not believing it but thanking him, regardless. “Charles is sorry he couldn’t make it,” he adds, confirming that he and Charlie would have been in contact had this scene remained canon. “Think he’ll call you tonight, if you’re feeling up to it.” 

“Sad cause for a family reunion.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, fake chuckling. 

The two fall silent before Bill expounds on his new orders-- alluding to the fact she and he might not regularly communicate about much other than work. (Another aspect that might but doesn’t quite fit with their characterization in Gethsemane; but I digress.) 

“Oh, did Mom tell you? Got new orders-- NAS Miramar, Dad’s old stomping grounds.” 

So, Bill Scully also keeps in contact with Maggie (no surprise), making he and his mother the communication lightning rods of the family-- and likely Melissa, too, since she visited her family and followed up with regular phone calls (The Blessing Way, post here, and A Christmas Carol.) 

“Yeah, I was out there not long ago. Lot of old memories,” Scully reminisces, an allusion to her Piper Maru investigation (post here.) Cool call back, actually.  

“Yeah…. Lots of ghosts now. Dad… Melissa. Mom’s gettin’ worried there’s no one left to carry on the Scully name. Guess the pressure’s on, huh?”

I, personally, believe Bill would have more tactful in this situation-- and he is, even when confronting his sister in Gethsemane and A Christmas Carol-- and am glad this scene is no longer canon.

“I didn’t choose this, Bill.”

“No-- but you chose to join the FBI. Mom and Dad sending you to med school-- you were going to be the one to save lives.” 

Scully gasps, turning away to collect her words. “When Dad died, I asked Mom. She said he’d forgiven my choice.”

We have confirmation here that, while her parents were both disapproving of the FBI, it was her father that was angered by it. This fact is also backed up by her and Melissa’s conversation in A Christmas Carol (again, post here.) 

I’m going to gloss over the rest of the scene because Bill is unreasonably cruel, ridiculous, and out-of-character, blaming his sister for Missy’s death when he doesn’t appear to do so in Gethsemane, Redux II, A Christmas Carol, or even Emily.  

The takeaway is: 

Bill feels angry at Scully’s choices but doesn’t voice them until she calls attention to his subtle pokes. 

Bill is moving to his dad’s old stomping grounds, meaning he’s beginning to measure himself against his father’s legacy. Meaning, Scully may have been able to break away from her parents’ expectations, but he has not. 

Not only that, but Maggie piles her expectations for grandchildren onto Bill and Tara’s shoulders (despite their struggles with infertility) while somehow forgetting her other grandchild via Charlie Scully (previous post here.) 

All in all, this scene badly damages the extended Scully family quite a bit. But the fact that Bill is choosing to follow his father’s journey step-by-step leaves some interesting implications (to be explored in a future post.)  

REMEMBER DEATH, PART II

Scully’s father also left an impact during her fight with cancer. 

Fearing she wouldn't be strong enough for her Mulder or her mother (again, post here), Scully’s courage begins to crumble in the face of futility and exhaustion: “Mulder, it’s difficult to describe to you the fear of facing an enemy which I can neither conquer nor escape.” 

After Mulder runs to her side, afraid she'd been hurt or recaptured, he finds and reads her journal, later confessing: "When I came to find you and you weren't in your room, I got scared something had happened. And I read what you wrote."

She exhales, embarrassed. "Oh. I didn't want you to read that. I decided to throw it out. 

"I decided tonight, that, um…,” she continues, pebbling her chin to keep the tears back, “that I’m not gonna let this thing beat me.” Squaring her shoulders resolutely, she adds, “I came into this hospital able to work; and that’s how I’m leaving.” At his encouraging nod, Scully pauses, smiling back.    

Mulder finally gives her the reassurance she’s been searching for: “Scully, something was done to you, something that you’re just beginning to remember-- you can’t quite figure it out, but it can be explained and it will be explained. And no matter what you think as a scientist or a doctor, there is a way. And you will find it, to save yourself.” The truth is, he’s always believed in Scully, even when she doesn’t believe in herself. 

Scully spells out her new focus-- “Mulder, I can’t kid myself. People live with cancer. They carry on. And so will I. You know, I’ve got things to finish-- to prove, to myself, to my family. But for my own reasons.” 

It’s an incredible leap forward for the captain’s daughter; and Mulder knows this, giving her a blooming smile and wrapping her up in his first initiated hug. 

Scully beams in his praise and soaks up his comfort-- the right time for both of them, in spite of everything. 

Mulder’s “The truth will save you Scully. I think it’ll save both of us” draws out a smile while his tender forehead kiss brings her to the brink of tears. 

It’s enough for both, for now; and she pulls away, walking back bravely into battle. 

CONCLUSION

Captain Scully’s long shadow stretches from beyond the grave, shading the milestones of his children’s choices and accomplishments. While he tried posthumously to give consolation and encouragement-- like Bill Mulder did for his son, post here-- the effects of his example have left grooves that circle Scully (and her brother) around and around, faster and faster, until she breaks free of those patterns and starts her own journey. 

Only then-- not unlike the late Melissa Scully-- can Scully (and Bill) truly be free. 

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[mashollings]

☁️ ಠ_ಠ ☁️

[miyku]

Final Fantasy XV | ▶ dev. Square Enixt

[lemurlord]

Why Butcher Should Already Be Free

Inspired by a post by @heyitschartic.

Okay, so we know that you can't just pull Cherish out of her forever coffin. It acts as a life support system, so she is probably fused to this thing. At best, you'll lose a few important chunks of the bitch.

But, what she now has, is about fourteen new powersets from being da Butcher XV. And while we know that teleportation won't work, either because it doesn't go through water or because she can't see where she is going...

There's another, sexier ability among the Butchers. High-speed, close range, matter rearrangement. Meaning, Cherish could probably alter the shape of her coffin, crawling or perhaps even walking on the sea floor, maybe even freeing herself somewhat from her confinement.

Why didn't this happen? Who knows. Maybe it did. Maybe somewhere in the Antlantic Ocean, there's a lonely metal monstrosity. Walking. Slowly.

[ipromptography]

leather-clad lads

[lunarlegend]

when you like your best friend so much you decide the best way to get his attention is to try pulling his pants down

[shitpostingkats]

The fact that resting at the campsite in chapter 10 does not play the little victory jingle..... I am mortally wounded.

[glitchdecay]

i saw this scene being uploaded in english the other day and i can't not rewatch the japanese version because, you know, seiyuu brainrot and whatnot. translations (completely my own) under the cut.

Prompto: What're you doing?

Noctis: Nothing, really. Just spacing out.

Prompto: Huh. I see.

[ Leave him alone / Talk about something random / Wait for him to speak ]

Noctis: Hmph—

Prompto: We went through so much today, huh?

Noctis: Everything's so new to us, too.

Prompto: You can say that again. Things have been super hard, but I didn't expect every day to be so much fun. Y'see, everything I see is new to me.

Prompto: I never expected things to turn out this way or to go out on a trip together.

Noctis: Yeah.

Prompto: How long have we known each other again? It's since high school... So five years?

Noctis: But I've known you for longer. Was it since elementary school?

Prompto: Eh? How'd you remember that?

Noctis: 'Course I'd remember. You stared at me so much.

Prompto: Ugh. [nervous laughter] You see, that's because I have my reasons...

Noctis: But you were still like, "Nice to meet ya!" at the high school entrance ceremony.

Prompto: I had to really brace myself to talk to you that time.

Prompto: [sighs] Kinda takes me back.

Noctis: You could've just talked to me, you know.

Prompto: I know it's easy for you to say— You wouldn't understand, Noct.

Prompto: Back then, I—

Prompto: Sorry, man. It really is nothing.

[ Ask him out of concern / You're concerned but you don't force it out of him / You won't get mad so ask him to be honest ]

Noctis: What is up with that? Just say it.

Prompto: [sighs] All right.

Prompto: You see...

Prompto: I used to be unable to reach out to other people.

Prompto: And I... didn't have anyone that I could call a true friend.

Prompto: I was always by myself.

Prompto: So sometimes I end up thinking maybe I'm not worth anything.

[ "You're joking." / "I kinda noticed." / "Didn't expect that." ]

Noctis: You've always gotten hung up on loads of things.

Prompto: Hehe.

Noctis: See? You're getting hung up on something right now.

Noctis: Like, "I'm the only commoner," or "I'm weaker than the others..."

Noctis: "At least I gotta try to make it so everyone feels at ease," so that's what you've been doing, right?

Prompto: Ah—

Noctis: Being considerate of others is pretty cool by itself. It doesn't come easily.

Noctis: The fact that you do that is just like you, and it's a good thing.

Prompto: Huh? You're saying I can just be myself?

Noctis: Yeah. What's wrong with that?

Prompto: Yeah... well... Sorry if I said anything weird.

Noctis: Besides, I'd never let anyone useless hang around me in the first place.

Prompto: Eh? Why are you mad about that?

Prompto: ... Thanks.

Prompto: Oh, man. I feel like a weight's lifted off my shoulders.

Noctis: Heh. What's up with that?

Prompto: Right, I'm gonna keep doing my best with the things I can do.

Noctis: I'd appreciate it.

[ Obtained the "Pop" photo filter effect. ] ※ Yep, you read that right: This photo filter is called "Prompto" in the Japanese version.

[xvandmore]

Ravus won 📈

[dayasan]

📷 East Interchange overlooking the Citadel, Crown City, Insomnia, Lucis

[luliesuzuki]

Princess like 😳

[vivelareine]

I have rambled about this on Twitter but reading Victor Hugo's poem "Capet, éveille-toi!" (usually printed in English as "King Louis XVIII: An Ode") which was written and published in 1822, and then reading The Bishop in the Presence of an Unknown Light chapter ["I will weep with you over the children of kings, provided that you will weep with me over the children of the people"] from Les Miserables, written decades later, is fascinating in a lot of respects.

But especially in terms of analyzing Hugo's personal political and moralistic development. The chapter reads in some ways as a rebuke against himself, with the Bishop standing in for his decades-older self.

[sincerelyandyourstruly]

#boyyuri

on xiaoven & yearning

—

so as we all know, "yuri is when there’s themes and motifs and yaoi is when there’s two blokes who do fuck all. if you reblog this you love trans people." (tumblr user dyggot, 2023.); that "yaoi is about entanglement and yuri is about yearning." (tags by tumblr user thyminesquared, 2023, screenshot and archived on this post.)

as should be clear from these definitions, this essay is not going to concern itself with whether a pairing counts as "yaoi" or "yuri" on the sole basis of the genders of the characters involved. although i understand the deeply gendered connotations of both of these terms, to ME, yuri is about the distance between one’s self and others around them (maybe people, maybe dreams and ideals), and the deeply-rooted desires that grow in that gap as a result.

as a post made to tumblr, put in the xiaoven tag, everyone reading this knows the basic lore surrounding their characters and world: that venti is the anemo archon, god of wind and freedom; that xiao is the last yaksha, who wields the power of anemo in battle to protect his homeland of liyue; that Visions are considered to be representations of a person's dearest wish, crystallized into physical form. but let's run over the basics again real fast, just to keep this piece from having external dependencies to understand, yeah?

venti is a wind sprite from mondstadt who ascended to godhood at the end of a rebellion against the at-the-time god of storms keeping his people in a cage made of windstorm thousands of years ago, and he chose his ideal of freedom to honor the bard who led said rebellion and died at the end of the final battle, but whether the nameless bard even got to see the clear skies he fought so hard to live under is currently up to interpretation. either way, venti took on the nameless bard's appearance so that his nation's people would never forget the true hero who won their freedom, but because thousands of years have passed the people have kind of forgotten by now anyway, and venti probably has a lot of identity issues about it!

also he's a bard who plays music in exchange for wine because singing to pass on the memories of heroes past and then drinking to numb the grief of people's forgetting is how he Copes™.

AND ALSO he will occasionally sleep for hundreds of years at a time.

Meanwhile, xiao is an immortal/"illuminated beast" from liyue whose true form is technically that of a bird, but he goes around in the form of a hot emo boy, ostensibly because he needs hands to don his mask, hold his spear, and do his dance to conquer the remnants of evil gods, the act of which literally taints his soul with their sins— his karmic debts.

anyway he was enslaved by an evil god in his youth because said evil god (probably) knew his True Name and because we're going by fairy rules this means he was forced to commit atrocities (namely eating people's dreams) against his will until the god of contracts geo archon zhongli killed his previous master, gave him a new name, and contractually tasked him with the job of subduing the demonic remnants of other defeated gods, which he has since proceeded to unflinchingly, unwaveringly, and unquestioningly obey for the last few thousand years. however, despite his unfathomable obedience and devotion to his duty, his Vision (his life's greatest desire) is that of anemo (of freedom).

also a few hundred years ago when he was about to succumb to the weight of his karmic debts, xiao's life was saved by the sound of someone (venti) playing the flute in the marsh where he'd been working, and so now his dream, the deepest wish he holds closest to his heart, is to someday "wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers." (xiao's character card, genshin impact, 2021)

…can you guys believe that the dihua flute moment was like all we xv shippers had to hold onto for like two years?! that, and xiao's extremely yearnful voiceline abt venti that's just like, "venti? is that what he goes by these days? his tunes are… nevermind." but the point of this recap i hope has become clear by this point: that the relationship btwn xiao and venti seen through these few snippets alone is just rife with potent yuri energy.

like, to elaborate on the opening of thie essay, yuri is specifically about the uncross­able distance between two people who are already sitting right next to each other, so close that only a single thread of wind could even hope to weave its way between them— although, as evidenced by the fact that such a thread of wind could weave its way between them, they are still shy of truly touching— and the painful yearnings of being unable to close that gap… even though you both exist so close to one another, so similar in both place and time, you are the only thing stopping yourself from reaching across that seemingly infinite distance.

as a result, i think that unlike yaoi, yuri— thematically speaking— tends to have a greater mutuality to it: whereas i understand being in a yaoi to be more about acting on one's impulses towards one another and passing along cycles of power, i believe that an important aspect of being in a yuri is the constant fear and anxiety of violating an unspoken boundary because you're afraid that you aren't actually on the same page about those.

deep down inside, you know that you're not supposed to want all the things you've built for yourself in all those private daydreams and self-indulgent fantasies you've created about yourself with the other person, because you know you're not supposed to have drawn your boundaries the way you have, such that the other person would be let in on the most intimate parts of your identity (if they were willing to see all that is ugly sleeping under­neath your skin.)

as mentioned in the paragraph summarizing his lore, xiao's youth was marked by the fact that his very autonomy was continuously violated in service of forcing him to violate others' boundaries, crushing their hopes and devouring their very dreams. his deep cultural ties to liyue as the land of contracts means that he carries within him a keen sense of obligation as inseverable as the need to breathe; thus, saddled with guilt and believing himself to be incapable of gentility, he has come to view himself as nothing more than a weapon for others to use.

in signing his contract with the geo archon, xiao went from a situation where his agency was continuously denied and his boundaries intimately violated to one where he relinquished his agency and had his boundaries delineated for him by his new lord.

he has no desires of his own; immortals aren't so worldly. (if that were true, he wouldn't have a Vision.) he is not an active subject in his own life; anything he does is the effect of someone else's will. (if that were true, he would have stopped protecting liyue the moment that he learned his lord abdicated his rule.) he does not let anyone near him; it is inevitable that his karmic debts will force his hand against them. (if that were true, he wouldn't have been saved by the sound of venti's flute playing nearby.)

don't you see? he places himself in a subservient role to everyone around him, rigidly obeys every ritual of propriety, because he is afraid that by asserting agency over a situation, he will end up violating other people's boundaries again. except that this time, the responsibility for doing so would fall squarely on his own shoulders.

during the main quest arc for liyue, zhongli literally fakes his own death as an archon so that he can finally retire and be free from his own contractual obligation to the nation. this gives us reason to believe that xiao's contract with the geo archon has thus been rendered void, meaning he no longer has any obligation to continue his endless suffering for the sake of liyue— yet he does so anyway.

i think a lot of fans tend to view this as xiao needlessly chaining himself down to his duty, something that's often framed in fanworks as something rather tragic in venti's eyes. however, as the god of freedom, venti feels very strongly about giving other the freedom to make their own decisions, even if he himself may disagree with them or wish they had chosen differently. others' autonomy is deeply important to venti, perhaps even so far as to call it sacred: to order anything from anyone would be a violation for the boundaries venti has set for himself as an archon.

and because we're all familiar with genshin impact lore, what i have to say next should go without saying, we are all so familiar with it: the element of a person's Vision will be directly related to the kind of ideal they strive to meet and uphold, and as such, can generally tell you a lot about a person's desires.

xiao wields an anemo Vision— the only known anemo wielder in liyue until the arrival of xianyun, presumably because that is how deeply ingrained the binding sense of obligation is in its culture— and wears it visibly on his person at all times. it would be ridiculous not to believe that venti knows, and intimately so, just how xiao desires.

and i think that a lot of fans can fail to consider the idea that to xiao, his duty of protection is a choice he made of his own volition when he was first set free, and is, in all likelihood, one he continues to make in canon. yes, this choice comes with a great many obligations restraining him in various ways— but do our choices truly mean anything if they are not bound by obligation? this is something venti would obviously understand and respect as lines drawn in the sand by xiao himself, and he would never dare even suggest they be crossed.

it's clear from the various scraps of in-game lore that xiao craves proximity to and knowledge about his savior in the marsh. yet, he refuses to go out of his way to attain these things and will even deny ownership of these desires altogether because in a sense, they are blasphemy: venti, although not his archon, is still a god.

might seeking venti out over zhongli not be considered a sign of detracting, or perhaps even failing faith in the unwavering sureity of the geo archon? or even if it turns out that's not so— who is xiao to ask anything of venti? the god of freedom must surely be a flighty little thing, following his every capricious whim. to ask him to stay would be akin to tying him down, no?

clearly, there is no need for xiao to call out for him. if venti wants to be with him, he will simply be there.

(and if he doesn't, then he won't.)

((after all, it is the duty of the servant to wait on the master's call.))

it's easy to imagine that these two immortals might end up in a sort of song and dance of propriety for a while, that at fight might be genuine, but eventually just becomes habit and custom. they both want, in some way, for xiao to lay down his duty, to be free of the strict hierarchy of master & servant or god & disciple. but for venti to say it so plainly would feel like he's trying to convert xiao to his ideals— a discomfort that would more than likely only be compounded by how seriously xiao takes the word of god(s), and how expressly venti hates being treated like anything but an equal— and so he would hesitate on his feelings; whereas for xiao to speak of his desires so plainly, it would feel like a betrayal of his duty— that which he chose to shoulder as his first act of free will.

you see it, right? the gap between these two characters, whose lives will otherwise touch and cross over and over through their long, immortal lives, and the mutual desires they can both plainly and painfully read in one another, yet never individually act upon due to their already-established senses of propriety, tradition, and boundaries?

these are the basic yuriisms of xiaoven genshinimpact.

[flowers-of-tenebrae]

me reading ep noctis: 🥺🥺😯🫤😭😭🤔😑🥺🥲😭

noctis is so sweet and cute in dotf 🥺🤗

[clockwork-ashes]

Chapters: 15/17 Fandom: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Eris Vanserra & Lucien Vanserra, Lady of the Autumn Court & Eris Vanserra, Beron Vanserra & Eris Vanserra, Eris Vanserra/Original Character(s) Characters: Eris Vanserra, Lucien Vanserra, Lady of the Autumn Court (A Court of Thorns and Roses), Beron Vanserra, Vanserra Brothers (A Court of Thorns and Roses) Additional Tags: Pre-Canon, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, The Autumn Court (A Court of Thorns and Roses), Originally Posted on Tumblr, this was posted over three years ago there and i finally have an ao3, my thoughts on the characters have changed quite a bit but i figured why not put this here too, anyway i love the autumn court and i wish we knew more about the vanserra family, wrote this right after reading acosf, and have still not stopped thinking about these books Summary:

Eris Vanserra is heir to the High Lord of the Autumn Court, but he often wishes differently.

A series of events in Eris’ POV starting when Lucien is born.

[triangle-strategy-text-bot]

Hughette: I know you have suffered many hardships, but pray...do not let yourself succumb to despair. Me, our comrades, your people... All of us are eagerly awaiting the era of peace our new king will bring.