#pairing: ed x stede
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Title: The Repair Shop Author: ramsay_baggins Artist: BabyKrakenPodfics Beta reader: Appleteeth, Lindie, Alice Main Characters: Stede Bonnet, Edward Teach Other Characters: Fang, Lucius Spriggs, Jim Jimenez, Ivan Main Relationship(s): Stede Bonnet/Edward Teach Other Relationship(s): Minor background Lucius/Pete and Jim/Olu Rating: General Audiences Additional Tags: Backgroud crew, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, The Repair Shop AU, Woodworker Edward Teach, Charity owner Stede Bonnet, Model of The Revenge, References to previous canon typical bullying, References to previous canon typical child abuse, Falling In Love, Instant Connection, Love at First Sight, Getting Together, Stede Bonnet Loves Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Loves Stede Bonnet, they love each other in every universe, Reincarnation Warnings: Canon typical references to past bullying and child abuse Summary:
Edward Teach is the master woodworker on The Repair Shop, a show where people bring personal treasures that need some care and attention to get back to their former glory. He's been doing it for years, and he's bored. That is, until he is given a new project, a broken model ship owned by a man Ed's heart seems to recognise. While repairing the ship, he reforges a bond he didn't know existed.
Wordcount: 13800
The Repair Shop
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This is so Blackbeard and Stede (& also Crowley and Aziraphale) I can't
My friend is telling me about "Fionna and Cake" and like...
This is James and Matthew.
#ofmd#ofmd s2#ofmd season 2#our flag means death#edward x stede#stede bonnet#ed x stede#blackbeard x stede#ofmd stede#ed teach#blackbeard#blackbonnet#good omens#crowley#aziracrow#azirowley#aziraphale#ineffable spouses#ineffable idiots#ineffable husbands#david tennant#michael sheen#taika waititi#rhys darby#neil gaiman#queer#mlm#pairing: ed x stede#ship dynamics
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seriously don't understand my obsession fascination normal interest with two hot gay people trying to kill fuck off each other because they're in love obsessed like each other.
#i don't think theres any straight pairing that gives off the same energy#maybe ashitaka and mononoke but tbh theyre both pretty gay#hannibal x will#ed x stede#kuzco x pacha#lgbtqia#its the same ship in a different format#lokius kinda#nandermo#ofmd#wwdits#loki#hannibal nbc#the emperors new groove
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I love you... I know The Empire Strikes Back - Our Flag Means Death 2x8 "Mermen"
#our flag means death#ofmd spoilers#ed x stede#stede bonnet#edward teach#this is very silly and self indulgent i don't really know what this even for other than my brain going ''just like han and leia!!!!''#when i first watched this scene. i know these are wildly different context and it doesn't really make sense to pair them but whatever kjksj#also the yellow text of the bottom two gifs looks like two different shades and it's driving me CRAZY#i swear it's the same hex code for both i don't know what's going on. it might just be it looks different because of the surrounding colors#either way it irks me and i don't know how to fix it#ghostlygifs
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was GRIPPED by the determination to write and post this before the finale airs and throws any conflicting light on some of the things I have been envisaging, insane, over the past week. I have just about managed it in time. do I regret staying up til 3am on two separate works nights to achieve this? yes absolutely I do I’m so tired
Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Our Flag Means Death (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet Additional Tags: Episode: s02e06 Calypso's Birthday, Episode Tag, First Time, Nice But Emotionally Complicated Sex Summary:
Stede says, “I’ve been dreaming of you.”
#ofmd fic#ofmd#ofmd s2#ed x stede#blackbonnet#gentlebeard#is this how the kids tag this pairing. i don't know#fic#my fic
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Lowkey gonna fall asleep thinking not just about Ed repeating Stede’s line back to him but also the fact that in essence, Ed has now become Stede’s pet, complete with the fucking cat collar and bell. We’ve come full circle.
#ofmd#our flag means death#our flag means death spoilers#ofmd spoilers#spoilers#ed x stede#blackbonnet#he honestly just needs a pair of ears at this point
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i need adhd meds SO BAD oh my god. i wanna make a fuckin.G mini comic rn
#but my attention span has gone to shit in the last year bc of my adhd#i wanna make something where the main 2 charas dance for the first time in a long time and forget all their hangups and past troubles and..#for a second..#theyre young and in love again#ed x stede maybe....#older stranger things steve x eddie maybe....#i feel like im missing the perfect pair tho any ideas?
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Check out our episode about Blackbonnet (Stede Bonnet/Ed Teach [Blackbeard])
Get ready for hot pirate summer!!! Ro, Dzesi, Kou, and Lindz discuss the historic otp of Edward Teach (Blackbeard) and Sede Bonnet (The Gentleman Pirate) from the hit show Our Flag Means Death.
#blackbonnet#gentlebeard#ed/stede#edward teach#stede bonnet#ed x stede#edward x stede#our flag means death#ofmd#one true podcast#the one true podcast#otp podcast#one true pairing podcast#otpcast#shipping#otp
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😂 Love it! I just love the Ed side glances. And Stede knows this is going on. He’s crazy; he’s not dumb. And his every molecule is focused on Ed.
Stede is the real fisherman; Ed’s the fish.
Can I keep telling you how pretty I think you are while you cockwarm me
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okay, so i don't want to, like, Start Something or whatever so we're doing a barely-tagged, separate post. i also realise this is mostly pointless because others have already said what i'm going to say, and did it better, with far more grace, and sound less like an asshole than i do.
but jesus louise helen christ, the weird fucked up ideas people have around abuse and personal responsibility and the effect of trauma. like as an abuse and csa survivor, it genuinely alarms me to read posts that use arguments i remember my dad making. like, i'm assuming most of this rhetoric comes from gen z — maybe that's inaccurate; maybe that's unfair. but right now i'm very much Having A Moment Here that the kids aren't alright.
no 22-year-old should be repeating the same awful, manipulative, logically and morally bankrupt justifications for violence and torture my dad says. like literally what's in the first two episodes of ofmd s2 is torture.
i love ed; he's an amazing character. taika is hella wowza top marks acting him. but like.
like.
torture, my dude. physical and psychological. trauma. harassment. that we see the lasting effects of through s2.
just. i. what??
so here we go, okay. have too many, zealously highlighted screenshots so i can dig into details.
cut to save your dashes. content warning for discussions of abuse and trauma (if that wasn't obvious), as well as spoilers for ofmd s2.
re: ed knew what he was doing was wrong and felt guilty about it at the time:
we have no on-screen, textual examples of this. not in the dialogue; not in the acting; not in the blocking; not in the cinematography or music. nothing.
knowing the crew are overworked and kind of traumatised by all the violence, ed bribes them with cake. because, as we know, cake like tea fixes everything. only ed wasn't even with them to share in the eating of the cake. he made izzy responsible for that. he doesn't give the crew a break; he doesn't choose less ethically-fraught prizes to hunt. there is not one scene of ed talking directly to the crew — until he points a gun at each of them.
we see ed crying (and drinking, and rhino horn-ing [way to help further extinction, man]) but it's always paired with shots or flashbacks that reference stede. ed is still all up in his feelings about stede, and ed confirms this when he tells frenchie the myth about albatrosses never needing to return to land. ed cannot go back, does not want to go back, because he was rejected. (like, stede is literally landed gentry, come on!) all he wants to do instead is stay at sea committing to this unhinged version of unstable, sadistic piracy.
but okay, okay. say we ignore all of that. let's say ed does feel sorry and guilty and ashamed of his actions. he knows what he's doing is wrong and unfair and cruel. that it's harming others. that it's particularly harming the dude that ed has, for better or worse, basically spent his life with (izzy; i mean izzy). ed… still continues to do the things! how far off are we at this point from the definition of malicious? you know action x hurts person b and then you do it anyway. is that honestly a better, happier, more ethically defensible reading of the character?
re: the crew didn't mutiny because they love ed despite his violent, sadistic actions.
mutinies were a thing, yes. but both historically and in the world rules established by the show, mutiny is disincentivised through threats, distraction via extra work, and corporeal punishment. we see both ed and izzy use all three of these to try to prevent the crew from disobeying orders. they didn't wait until the storm and izzy shooting ed to mutiny because they understood or sympathised with ed; they took the chance to kill him then because that was the first real opportunity they'd had. the reward finally out-weighed the risk given that ed was going to kill them all that night anyway.
again, we have no scenes, no dialogue, no visual or audio cues to tell us that the crew understands or loves ed — excluding izzy, obviously. fang could also be on that list, if you take into account his personality and his behaviour both in s1 and later in s2 in the fishing boat scene. but in the first two episodes, we only see the crew show trauma responses around ed. they talk about him but almost never to him. and when they do have a direct conversation with ed, it is either confrontation or head down, submissive, "of course, blackbeard; anything you say" placating. i'm so baffled where the show points to any sign of love from the crew towards ed before his "death".
re: ed can't be held responsible because he was suicidal.
uhm. no. hard no. a harder no than stede's brazilian cherry wood mast. fucked up people do fucked up things but part of being an adult is owning your fucked-upped-ness and not fucking up others while you work on unfucking yourself. children, children are not fully responsible for the impact of their actions on others when they're deep in their feelings, especially if they're feeling their feelings as a trauma response. this is because literally their brain cannot do that kind of control. it doesn't have that software pack installed yet. ed does have all the adult updates installed, even if he isn't running them at that moment. he has no right to take out his feelings on other people: to maim them, to psychologically torture them, to abuse them, to work them to exhaustion. to kill them. he does not get a free pass to do suicide by abused employees. (like suicide by cop but more indirect and passive and harmful.) talk about passive aggressive.
secondly, ed is not just passively suicidal and happy to find new risks that might end his life. he is very purposefully taking izzy with him (see: literally removing the bits of izzy that would help let him walk away from ed; the fact that ed becomes actively suicidal only once he thinks izzy is dead; the whole keeping izzy's corpse in front of his and stede's beach shack i mean inn — the codependence, she runs deep). ed is also putting the crew through the same risks, the same isolation, the same danger. both stede and izzy agreed that ed had gone full scorched earth policy. you don't get forgiven for the murder part of a murder-suicide pact just because of the suicide part. not to mention that no one (once again, you could potentially argue izzy as an exception) was good on a murder-suicide pact with blackbeard.
and then to say the crew felt guilty? i assume i'm misreading that. the crew. felt guilty. for ed's actions. that is, if not victim blaming and if not darvo, a very close inbred cousin of them. like hapsburg jaw inbred close.
re: ed healing and his view of himself as a monster.
to heal means, in part, to accept responsibility for the harm you've caused, whether it was intentional or not. it means making amends. it means building or rebuilding relationships where possible. it means putting the other person or persons' feelings and boundaries and need for safety above your desire for absolution or forgiveness. it means working through your own guilt and shame and anger (or whatever drove you to act the way you did) in a separate space, not with the people you hurt, but someone who can be a step removed, more impersonal and objective to help you reflect and face hard truths as needed. i say this as both someone involved in activism and community reparations and as an abuse survivor who has done nearly 30 years of therapy learning this in order to not hurt people. it's not ed's fault he's fucked up just like it isn't my fault i am. but it is on me, like it is on anyone, to make sure i limited as much as possible the harm i can cause to others because i learned some awful but very effective tricks at a young age to survive.
ed does not really do any of the above. he doesn't say "sorry". he speaks in generalised language. he complains about the cat bell (which he seems to wear only for one day, given the implied timeline with lucius and pete's engagement). i have a model ship on a stand that says "this is a safe space ship" as a joke because i work for the government and have written press releases that sound just like ed's "apology". where you take no responsibility and encourage "the culture" to move on.
so, really, my question becomes: ed sees himself as a monster. in s1, we had enough balance between ed's current actions and his referenced past actions to see this belief as likely untrue. in s2 though — i mean, is it? is that an unfair or inaccurate belief? i can understand how carrying that belief can get in the way of ed's growth and eventual healing but like. from an outside perspective of ed-the-fictional-character. he's not a "good" person. he's capable of and has done and continued to do horrible, cruel things. ethically, can you argue with that statement about him?
re: ed trying to destroy relationships because of his self-worth issues and instead the consequences of his actions proving that he's loved.
this is the point that made me go: right, no, i need to respond. i need to say my piece about this. izzy and the crew suffering ed's violent tyranny and then sticking around on the revenge anyway afterwards is not a sign of love. it is not showing love to bear pain for someone. it not showing love to let someone mistreat you, threaten you, hurt you, maim you. their actions are selfish and done to give them feelings of power and control over you. lying back and thinking of england to get through it is not love. it is absolutely a survival technique. but it is not love when you do it at the expense of yourself or others.
i also disagree that ed was trying to push people away or break his relationships with others. we know from s1 that ed is fairly blasé about whether crew members die. again, we don't see any friendly or intimate exchanges between ed and any of the crew to imply any kind of relationship there beyond "tools who accomplish ed's goals". the one exception, as always, is izzy. and as previously stated, ed seems bound and determined, in a very conscious way, to bring izzy into death with him. ed does everything in his power to make izzy want to kill ed, or at least agree that it's best if ed dies, and to want to kill himself so ed doesn't have to die alone. that isn't ed breaking that relationship; it's making it permanent in a really fucked up shakespearian way. the only relationship we see ed waffle between wanting to keep and wanting to push away is stede. after his corporate "apology" and the fishing trip with fang, all of ed's dialogue is with stede and a little bit with zheng until izzy's death scene. the crew loving ed just isn't a thing, at least not one we're shown. not from either side. ed's relationships are with stede and kind of, sort of with izzy (because he does manage to, if not fully break, do some major damage to that).
love did not save ed. ed wanting to live, because stede came back, because he didn't want to jump off hornigold's cliff in the first place, saved ed. izzy saved everyone else.
so yeah: that's it; that's the post. the rhetoric that abuse is love or that abuse can be "cured" with love or that trauma isn't lasting and serious and has impacts on people's daily lives is just. wild. wild.
and terrifying.
my dad was born in the 40s. why is anyone born in the 80s or later still defending this mindset? it honestly, truly freaks me out.
guess it's good i have a fucking therapy appointment on monday.
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i think probably the worst part of the whole thing is that I just don't really care anymore, the investment I had at the end of season 1 just straight up no longer exists. no, it's not just bc a blorbo got killed off (and there's a lot of reasons to be angry about that), it's mainly bc most of the characters at this point feel like hollow shells of who they were a season ago, including the stede x ed pairing as a whole (which I really just don't care about anymore at all, sorry). and no it's not bc 'Izzy got all the development and there was no time for anyone else' like of course there was time for everyone else, provided that they hadn't opened the season on all those characters making 180 character changes with no real explanation, provided they hadn't overloaded the damn season with nonsense that goes nowhere. JimxOlu was my OTP after StedexEd in season one, both of them were some of my faves, and not only did neither of them even really resemble who they were in s1, their relationship which was of such great importance in the former just suddenly...is something else now. Not people in love, but 'friends who have fucked once lol' and are wingmen for each other now because...??? Oh but Jim's dating Archie who...*checks notes* was in a Snake Cult? I think? That's about all we get on her, apart from the fact that she likes making out with Jim I guess. And I guess Zheng can't just be a powerful woman character that exists in this narrative without a romance of her own, so let's just toss her together with Olu and never explore or explain that with any kind of depth. Jim has neither trust issues anymore nor do they have ANY interest or investment in their revenge scheme or the Siete Gallos (REMEMBER THAT PLOTLINE?? REMEMBER?? APPARENTLY THE WRITERS DON'T) they're just kind of goofy all the time now for no reason. Olu's leadership arc? His being a confidant to Stede? Where the fuck did any of that go? Are they all a polycule or are they all just separate couple friends? IDK WHO CARES THIS IS HOW IT IS NOW I GUESS. Like, why am I supposed to care about any of that? It doesn't even feel like the characters I watched before.
And StedexEd. Jfc there's so much to say that other people have said better but the constant bringing up of conflicts, breakups, and then immediately resolving those issues with heartfelt reunions/kissing as if that's supposed to be sufficient got really old for me after awhile. The lack of explaining how their 'whim-prone' romance to this point was bad, the lack of explaining how they reconcile their different goals was also bad, but oh they can just go RUN AN INN NOW! Yay happily ever after! ????? "Ed, you've got family" which he immediately leaves to go try another life path he's probably going to suck at and hate WOW so romance. Like either figure it out or break up for good, it just makes them an obnoxious toxic couple who never seem to communicate or bother to try but are supposed to be the one we love the most and are rooting for. And that sucks, because I loved them once! GARBAGE!
There's only so much blame one can put on external factors for this. I worked in production once, I edited scripts and was a go-between for notes and writers, and this is the exact kind of thing I would've felt compelled to point out; we only have x amount of time and x amount of episodes to properly tell these stories, we know this, so maybe lets be realistic about what we can fit in here and do justice and what we can't. Maybe let's not just throw every fucking thing we think of at the wall to see what sticks while completely ignoring/retconning character traits and stories we set up in season 1. But nah, that's what happened!
Like, what is there to watch for at this point if s3 gets greenlit? I fail to find anything that I'd care about seeing continued, even the peripheral characters like Frenchie and Wee John and Roach, whom I also loved before and still do but barely did anything, so I guess I can tune in to watch them do more of nothing? Idk man it sucks when it's not just 'wow that was bad I hope next season is better' but instead 'wow that was so boring and incohesive I have no more interest or emotional investment in this to continue'
#ofmd critical#were there good moments in s2? of course#was it on the whole kind of an overpacked incoherent nightmare? yes#was it a fitting continuation of the s1 story? absolutely fucking not#posting in this tag so that hopefully the toxic positivity crowd doesn't get offended lol
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Title: Kaleidoscope Head Author: Fruit Artist: Kelly Lin Beta reader: Nina Jellybeanium124 Main Characters: Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet Other Characters: Fang, Spanish Jackie, Buttons, Roach, Wee John, Crew of the Revenge Main Relationship(s): Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet Other Relationship(s): Rating: Mature Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Meet-Cute, Depression, Anxiety, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Has ADHD, Suicidal Thoughts, Self-Harm, Autistic Stede Bonnet, Past Domestic Violence, canon typical izzy death, Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Happy Ending Warnings: No archive warning apply Summary:
Celebrity chef Edward “Blackbeard” Teach is burnt out and struggling. Once he gets news of the death of his brand manager and closest "friend" Izzy Hands, Ed's mental health spirals to some very dark places. After a reality check, Ed decides he needs some help, and enrolls in a partial hospitalization program to improve his mental health. There, he not only finds the help he needs from the staff, but he finds friendship and comradery with the other participants. In one particular program participant, he even finds the emotion he thought he was never fit for: love.
Wordcount: 19k
Kaleidoscope Head
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ofmd s2 rant
so, this is my first post, and I have @ketamoru to thank for corralling (gently suggesting) me into making this. we watched season 2 of our flag means death a while back when it first came out, and i wrote this huge long rant (that I just finished editing) about it, intending to post it to twitter or imdb or something. but. due to the sheer nature of the word length, i couldn't. so, here it is.
On OFMD S2: as a viewer, I’m appalled at the season. As a writer, I could feel my soul escaping my mouth with each cringed breath I took, escaping my pores every time I had to hit the spacebar to pause and bury my head in my hands. I’ve read and written bad stories in my past, I've been on both ends of a shitty narrative, but my god.
There's three core tenets to a story: plot, world, and characters. You can lean on one if another is lacking, absolutely, BUT YOU CANNOT SACRIFICE TWO OF THEM AND EXPECT THE OTHER TO BE ALRIGHT. THEY ARE CONNECTED. THEY INFLUENCE EACH OTHER. GOOD CHARACTERS HELP A GOOD PLOT, A GOOD WORLD HELPS A GOOD PLOT. BUT A HALF DECENT WORLD CANNOT HELP SHITTY CHARACTERS AND PLOT!!!!!!!!!!
Let me start with the simplest to talk about: the plot.
In an introductory college level physics course without calculus (bare with me), you occasionally do problems with a pulley. If you account for the mass of the pulley and the string in calculations, the problem simply becomes too complex to deal with for an introductory course. So, you call the string massless, and move on with your life. Every single episode's plot was tied together by this massless string. As in, THERE WAS NO INTERCONNECTIVITY BETWEEN EPISODES.
The three sections of plot development are (as highlighted by Brandon Sanderson, who is not writing-Jesus, but is pretty accomplished in the fantasy genre, which should speak for itself) promise, progress, and payoff. Promises are made at the beginning of a story's plot arc. They hint towards the greater plot and arcs, and promise readers a story filled with [x]. For example, if you're going to write a comedy, your opening scene (the promises) should be comedic. You don't start a comedic novel out with a tear-jerker. This is arguably the only part, in my opinion, that OFMD gets right. The opening episode is, to give credit where credits due, pretty comedic for a comedic season. The tone is set properly.
Here come the problems: Progress. THERE IS NO PROGRESS. Stede and Ed make up WITHIN THE SAME EPISODE THEY MEET AGAIN. And then they break up in episode 7. AND THEN THEY MAKE UP AGAIN IN EPISODE 8. There is no conflict between the pairing. There is no conceivable sense of tension or drama or ANYTHING that builds up to a climax. THERE IS NO CLIMAX. It’s just a bunch of minisodes strung together by a massless string. Villains come and go within the same episode (I'm looking specifically at Ned Low). The only one that comes back is Prince whatever-his-name-is (I'll get to him in a second), and we don't see much of him. He's introduced to us as a bumbling fool in the beginning, we lose him for a long while while Ed frolics around (again, I'll talk about Ed's character too in a second), and then he's suddenly a prince (episode 6, I believe) needing to take revenge. He makes a cursory deal with Zheng, we see him for 5 more minutes, and then he blows everything up in a totally-not-seen-coming betrayal. Boring. No progress, no payoff.
Which leads me into the final part I have to say about the plot: payoff. WITHOUT PROGRESS THERE IS NO PAYOFF. Because of the nature of the season, with things just thrown at you with no cohesive narrative the season felt like a continuous dopamine rush with no need to work for anything in return. (What was the ultimate goal of the season, do you think? Ed's reconciliation? The prince's revenge? Stede's path to being a pirate? Do you think any of them were explored? Think about it, for a second.) The climax of Izzy's death (boy do I have some key words to say about that, but that's not the point of this review, far from it) didn't feel...worth it. In fact, I'm not even sure if that was the climax, or maybe it was Ed leaving (and coming back 30 minutes later … ) or maybe it was the bombing. Who knows? I don't. You can have subplots. You can't just treat them all equally. There has to be a point to a story, and you have to favour that point over mindless adrenaline rushes. There was a point to season 1: Stede's growth as a character as he realises piracy isn't all he thinks it is, and eventually falling in love with Ed. There is no point to this season. Or if there is, it's muddled by the 20 other things happening all at once, always. There is no progress, so there is no payoff.
2. Next, the world.
In this case, the physical scenery, the props, the costumes, the music, etc. I'm not a costumer, nor a musician, nor a lighting director, I’m just a viewer with a basic high school understanding of world history – but nothing ... changed about the world in this season. When you establish a world in the first act of a book, do you just stop establishing it in the second act? No! Of course not! You keep building it, because the world changes too.
Every single new town the ship visited, every time they docked or got off a ship, the scenery looked and felt the same. How many times are they stranded in the exact same kind of underbrush? The exact same biome, with the exact same kinds of plants? Do they ever go further inland? Is there more to the world than just two ships, one established town and then the shoreline? Of course there isn't! Because that means worldbuilding more than what season 1 did, and that's too terrifying to think about!
And the music. Christ, I'm no musician but did the music feel, to anyone else, passive? In season 1, at least the last time I watched it, the music fit the scene. It wasn't just there because there needed to be music. It spoke to the world, it said something about the scenery. This music, by comparison, is so tame. It's not noticeable. The only part I did like was when Izzy died in silence, because that silence let the death settle with the viewers as Ed weeps openly and – oh, here's the mindless royalty-free music again.
3. And finally, the characters.
Jesus Christ where do I even start with this? Let me start from the foundation of storytelling as any amateur writer understands. YOUR CHARACTERS ARE YOUR MOST IMPORTANT ASSET IN A STORY. I am physically unable to stress this enough. I DON'T CARE IF YOUR WORLD SUCKS MAJOR SHIT. YOUR CHARACTERS CANNOT SUCK. WE STICK WITH THEM THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH. IF WE CANT STICK WITH THE CHARACTERS, WE CAN'T STICK WITH THE STORY.
(Note: You can write characters with obviously terrible personalities, and that are meant to be disliked, without them sucking. It's about intentionality. If you write a character, and they’re meant to be likeable, and nobody likes them, that character sucks, and you’ve failed. You’ve also (usually, but not always) failed if your viewers hate your character for a different reason than intended. If you write a character you’re supposed to hate for [x] reason, and people hate them for [x] reason, you’ve succeeded. There is a difference between a bad character, and a character with an intentionally flawed personality that you're not supposed to sympathise with.)
Next question: why is everyone in a romantic relationship? The day people realise that platonic relationships are just as important as romantic ones is the day I'm allowed to rest. (I say this beyond just the fact that I'm aroace. I say this as an exhausted reader.) There were not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE relationships that were given significant (well, as significant as it gets with 8 30-minute-episodes) screen time. Except, none of them were developed. Not even Ed and Stede's. What was the point in breaking up Jim and Olu, pray tell? Their conflicting personalities were what made them so interesting – to see two opposing forces find ridges where one slots into the other, where two people so different find solace in the other? Now Jim's just got over Olu in a third of an episode and they're kissing that other person. No, I don't even remember their name, because their personality was just Jim's in a different font. You paired two similar people up with each other. Why? Not sure. (I hesitate to chalk it up to some weird exoticism going on behind the scenes, but.) Now I'm bored. There's no tension in that, no story to tell, no good reason for it happening. And Olu with Zheng. NO BUILDUP. Zheng stares at Olu working on scrolls for a little while. That's it. THAT'S NOT BUILDUP, THAT'S JUST WASTING TIME. Her relationship with Olu is so unbelievably forced. (I could feel the crickets of the writers room permeating through my screen – that one stray writer going “well, if nobody else has any ideas, then idk maybe we could … “) They share nothing in common, her "you're the break in my day," is completely unfounded (I’ll get to this when i talk about her character outside of Olu in a sec), it irritates me to no end.
I don't have anything to say about Swede and Jackie, or Black Pete and Lucius, because nothing fucking happens. Black Pete and Lucius make up, after a little bit of progress I will say, and then it's ... a few episodes of them loving each other unconditionally as if nothing happened. It's boring. I'm bored.
Stede and Ed. Oh boy. Ed is clearly not ready for a romantic relationship in this season, despite whatever work he did last season. (Thrown out the window by this season! Who’s ever heard of setting up future seasons in your earlier seasons? Not the OFMD writers room!) He grapples (barely) with the idea of not being a necessarily good person, and tries (in heavy quotation marks, more on that below) to redeem himself, but ultimately just ends up right where he started: Blackbeard. He ends up reversing all of his progress in terms of his character arc. Right back where he started. Christ. And he's clearly too busy grappling with this to be conceivably ready for a romantic relationship with Stede. But Stede and Ed happen anyway. If handled by someone who wanted to comment on the nature of toxic relationships and wrote this intentionally, this would have been a GOOD PLOT. But it was clearly not intentional, as nothing seemed to flow together, characters spoke like robots, and I could feel the fact that the script was obviously just a shitty first draft. Not to mention the fact that Ed doesn't ACTUALLY do any thinking on what he's supposed to be. That purgatory thing was the best we get – and it was damn good in comparison to the rest of the season where he doesn't really reflect on his actions. He has one conversation, decides he's a changed man, then goes straight back to his previous actions.
And STEDE – man. They DECIMATED his character this season. In the beginning, in the first season, he was the gentleman pirate – two juxtaposing adjectives. WHICH IS CENTRAL TO CREATING A CHARACTER. No real person is one track (even the most stubborn of us), no real person can be effectively summed up in a few words like a bad character creation sheet. The conflicts that we deal with as humans are what make us human. Flaws, in no small part, are part of the human experience. (I could get into this, but if you’ve ever looked at AI art and felt its soullessness staring back at you, then you know. It’s too perfect. Too lifeless. Too flawless.) Every single person deals with layers and layers of complexity. Two completely opposing things can be true at the same time and that is a VERY REAL THING that we must grapple with as humans. There is no such thing as black and white on issues. Stede as a gentleman pirate was this COMPLEX LAYER that made him such an interesting character to begin with because “gentleman” and “pirate” are two very different things with two very different histories and connotations. To see the intersectionality of where these worlds collide and where they conflict was what made him so interesting in the first place.
In this season, he’s just a bumbling fool that calls himself a pirate. His backstory isn’t mentioned. He’s stupid in a cringe-ing way (not even comedic), and is just no longer a gentleman. He’s just a bad pirate. It’s so boring in comparison to the complex characterization we got last season, that every time he spoke I had to physically restrain myself from petulantly clogging my ears and going “lalalalala!” to pretend that he wasn’t really saying half the things he was saying. He’s just a puppet, waving around in the wind, contributing nothing to conversations and existing without complexity. It makes me want to bash my head into a table.
Zheng. Why? What was her purpose? I’m white, I should note, so I’m not entirely qualified to talk on this subject from an experiential perspective, but a great big part of her character felt like something I wrote my end of high-school thesis on: orientalism in science fiction, and specifically the pervasive notion of the “submissive eastern woman”. This isn’t science fiction, but it does employ (subtly, might I add, but still noticeable) tropes that Edward Said wrote about in his work “Orientalism” (1990) -- stuff, specifically in OFMD S2, like being the "other" (in particular, viewing the east as a "backwards west" that requires a "western touch" to correct) in the way that Zheng's ship was clearly portrayed as "abnormal" to us in every way -- the all female crew, the rigidity, the organization, etc. We were told repeatedly, time and time again, that she is powerful. But think about it for a moment, did you ever really feel like she was powerful? When she revealed she was an infamous pirate lord that made people cower, did you feel it? We saw some displays of power – but only deep into getting to know her. We never really felt this power that we were told repeatedly that she had, this fear of being some pirate queen. No, she was just a pirate with money.
(As an aside: the theme of power is notoriously difficult to get right in fiction, because it's so multifaceted. If you want my professional opinion (as some random internet nerd who spends time in a weird mix of fandoms) on who gets it right in modern fiction: I think JJK does it really well. I could go on about JJK for hours, both its rights and wrongs, but it gets the notion of power right if nothing else. For those unfamiliar, the “mentor character”s name is Gojo, who is a sorcerer born with a rare combination of techniques that makes him incredibly powerful – almost completely untouchable. To the viewer, he is silly, aloof, and overall goofy as a character (it’s actually a front, but this is an OFMD essay, not a JJK essay) which allows us to get to know him beyond his power level – but when he’s not acting aloof, when his smile deepends (or worse, when it drops) we can feel the power emanating from him. From impact frames, to the fact he’s constantly unserious, to enemies cowering at the mere mention of his name – his entire thing is that he’s the strongest sorcerer alive. Curses (evil spirits) quite literally can’t do anything while he’s around – so much so, that when he gets sealed in a prison dimension in s2 of the anime, the effects are felt quite literally all over Japan. With one simple action (the sound of the cube sealing him hitting the floor of the train station) an entire nation’s power has turned on its head – every curse, every sorcerer feels it. When his power is gone, there is such a large disparity between the protagonists and the antagonists, you can feel it through your screen.)
Zheng does not have this. She does not have the luxury of being in a story where the writers care about making her a threat. I could extend this to Blackbeard too to a lesser extent, but I won't. OFMD is a comedy. But being a comedy doesn’t mean you can’t tackle heavy topics – you can, and should tackle the heavy stuff in your comedic show. Repeatedly we were told that Zheng is powerful – but nobody treated her like that. Hell, the show didn’t give her the power that it claimed she had. We only ever saw the safe side of her, the kind side of her that (for no reason) liked and cared about Olu. Complex female character? Nah. Random romantic love interest for Olu? Hell yeah.
Fucking Christ. And don’t get me started on the costuming choices. Pigtails? Really? You had no other options? You couldn’t have dipped your fingers into any historical media for reference, like you’ve been keen to do with European references in the show? Alright man.
Finally, Izzy. WHY did they kill him? Probably my least favourite trope in modern media is when a character finally gets some closure towards the end of their arc, starts becoming a truly better character/dragging themselves up out of a deep pit – only for them to die mid arc. COME ON. If you wanted shock value it would've made more sense for ED to die because he’s, at least, stuck in his old ways. That could’ve been interesting, seeing him stick to his old ways to his detriment. Not to toot my own horn, but in the story I’m writing (shoot me if I mention it again) one of the primary main character’s whole theme is centred around desperation, and his eventual death as a direct result of it. His death is not just for "shock value" it serves a purpose. It's to further the commentary I'm trying to speak on about how far we’ll go to live in an idea rather than the present. I really, truly, honestly think that if they did that with Ed the story could’ve been so much better; and I say this having experienced the difficulties with writing out a central character. But again, this season lacks intentionality. Ed doesn’t die, and instead Izzy does after being the only character with any sort of redeeming qualities this season. I get, to some degree, it’s supposed to be a metaphor for Ed leaving behind his past but, does he really even do that? He’s Blackbeard when we end season 2. Izzy’s death didn’t mean anything to me beyond just wishing the season ended quicker, because (as we witness with Ed’s rebounding) concrete decisions made by characters can be reversed in the flip of a second thanks to Plot™! There is no permanence to the story’s cohesion, and Izzy’s death just doesn't stick. “Okay,” you say, exhausted. Nothing feels real. Nothing is internally or externally consistent. It's just a mess of ideas poorly strung together, and that's being nice about it.
I wont say much about craft because this is getting long winded but. Fuck me, dude. Why does every dialogue happen in a vacuum? NOBODY IS EVER DOING ANYTHING INTERESTING. a lot of scenes felt like filler -- there only to extend the series' runtime. I’m tired, man. It’s sloppy writing. I'd almost give it a better rating if Season 1 wasn't so much better by comparison. Instead of just being a bad season, it now also ruins what the show built up in the first season. I'm beyond disappointed.
TL;DR: please for the love of god start loving the stories you're writing. the future generations deserve more than money-laundering garbage edit: whoops got her name wrong halfway through its zheng not zhen my b lol
#ofmd#ofmd s2#analysis#media analysis#blackbonnet#stede bonnet#ed teach#edward teach#pay your writers#i blame disney+ for the commodification of our media#pay your artists#and stop paying your billionaires#fuck this season#more disappointing than kfp4
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So I have a great time talking about online OFMD fandom stuff with my sibling (someone who has clocked about as many hours watching the show as I have, enjoys Izzy, and doesn't do Tumblr or Twitter). They love hearing about the weird niche drama and I love chatting with someone who isn't wrapped up in online discourse.
But do you have any idea how insane I sound trying to explain fan discourse to someone who lives outside of that?
Like. Try giving the short version of the "Izzy is Christ- and AIDS-coded" meta to someone outside of the fandom. Try explaining to someone with IBS that "Izzy the Spewer," a crack at Izzy's sailing and leadership skills, is allegedly ableist towards people with IBS. Look an OFMD fan who's a Tumblr/X outsider in the eye and tell them that some people are certain that Ed is going to murder Stede in their little shack, or that the Gravy Basket is a literal location instead of a device to explore a character, or that Izzy had to die because he was a threat to the main pairing, or that Jenkins had no idea he was writing a romance, or that people argue that OFMD as a whole is Zionist and ableist and homophobic and anti-Black and misogynistic. Tell them that the end of season two was an example of bury-your-queers. They'll think you're a crazy person!
Heck, Sibling initially thought I was pulling their leg when I told them that Steddyhands is the second biggest ship in the fandom.
So I've had some really fascinating conversations where I sounded like a maniac, but we have fun. It's also kind of comforting to step offline and just... talk to an OFMD fan who's only working with what they see in the show.
(But maybe my sibling and I are the ones in the wrong. We're both crips and we get a good laugh out of "You're born alone, you die alone" -- largely because I'm like that irl and it's a deeply annoying trait that I need to work on. We also say "You're harassing a cripple" whenever we're mildly inconvenienced by something. Idk.)
#no fandom tags this is just for friends#izzy critical#not really! but certainly critical of like a dozen people#i wish i could share some of our conversations#half the time they think i've mistaken a joke for a sincerely held belief#because it's stuff they'd say as a bit (and i wouldn't realize it's a bit)#but no#sorry kiddo but it's just like that here in the trenches#they were SO offended by steddyhands#mostly because izzy would fucking hate that#but also because ed seemed disinterested/disgusted#and stede doesn't realize other men exist#thank you sibling for being an idiot but also pretty reasonable love you
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Tangled Up
Dads!Gentlebeard x Daughter!Reader
When you’re just about done with your tangled hair, ed comes in with a solution to stop you from doing something drastic.
A/N: I wrote this based on my experience as an individual with 3a texture hair growing up- i apologize for any inaccuracies as pertaining to other people’s experience with hair
—-
If there was one thing you didn’t account for when becoming a pirate, it was how to take care of your hair. Sure, a day at the beach wouldn’t do anything too terrible but after months your head was in rough shape.
it started as a few tangles at the base of your head, but quickly grew tighter and thicker until it was impossible to fix. Eventually the skin below grew tender and you couldn’t stand to even lay on your back, feeling the tension.
So, as Stede and Ed stood out on the deck planning their next move you slipped into the captain’s quarters. Digging through Stede’s things you found mountains of trinkets until you found what you were looking for; a pair of fine, shaft scissors perfect for cutting hair.
Steadying yourself, you pressed the cool metal to the back of your head. Your hand began to close in until-
“What on earth are you doing?” Stede’s voice rang out, eyes wide as he took in the scene “you know you could have hurt yourself with those!”
you dropped the scissors to the ground, stomach dipping as you were caught. embarrassment burned in your eyes as the two captains stared you down.
“here mate,” Ed murmured to the blonde “i’ll get this sorted, just bring me a coconut yeah?”
Without a word stede flounced to the kitchen, leaving you and the dread captain alone in their quarters. ed cleared his throat “how bad is it?”
You looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes.
“i promise it’s nothing to be embarrassed about-” ed continued “you don’t have hair as long as mine without some nasty knots popping up here and there”
Ed moved over to the couch, picking a few choice pillows before throwing them on the ground, creating a seat. “take a seat please doll, i promise it’ll feel better without it tugging on your neck like it is”
Timidly, you walked forward, eyes downwards as you sat before the notorious pirate captain. Despite his callused fingers, ed’s touch was gentle, parting the uneffected hair out of the way.
“i’ve got the coconut for you darling” stede called, the top of the fruit already chopped off.
“what are you going to do with a coconut?” you timidly asked. A furrow in your brow that seemed to mirror stede a little too much making ed laugh.
“It’s not for drinking” ed chuckled, before taking some of the water into his hand and scrunching it into your hair “coconut water helps strengthen and detangle hair. i’ll just let it absorb and then try to lightly comb out the rest.”
Once the coconut was drained, Ed took a fine comb from stede’s personal collection and had begun detangling the mess of hair, starting from the bottom and working his way up.
“How did you learn to do this ed?” you asked as the conversation lulled, gentle fingers carding through your hair.
“i suppose it’s a skill my mother taught me.” ed said absently “she always said that it was important to look your best i guess.”
After a while, ed had finished. your hair was now back to its normal, untangled and glinting under the lantern light.
“how about i braid that up for you?” stede interjected, hands twitching in his lap as he waited to be helpful. “if you keep it braided it’ll protect against getting knotted up again.”
Ed gave a nod “that does help, though it’s your choice kid”
With your nod, stede took ed’s place on the couch. gently taking your hair he wove it together, occasionally stopping to ask if something was hurting which it never was.
At the end, your hair was left in a simple, yet elegant braid, two whispy pieces left to frame your face. “stede this is gorgeous, where did you learn this?” you asked, mouth agape as the gnarled hair was now smoothly tucked into itself.
“wow! ed- stede- thank you, i don’t know what to say!” you exclaimed, wrapping the two men into a hug.
“of course kid” Ed said, pulling you tighter. “We’ll always be here to help.” said the other. And so that braid stayed in until there was another, and another, and eventually your hair braiding became the preferred nighttime ritual of the dread blackbeard and the notorious gentleman pirate.
#blackbonnet#blackbonnet fic#dad!ed teach#dad!stede bonnet#our flag means death#dad!blackbeard#stede x ed#dad!blackbonnet#dad!blackbonnet x daughter!reader#dads!blackbonnet
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Fanfic requests
Hi guys, i’m now taking fanfic requests for ofmd and good omens. I’m happy to write fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, sickfics, nsfw. See more info below
Our flag means death
Izzy x reader
Stede x reader
Ed x reader
Steddyhands x reader
Frenchie x reader
(reader will be gender neutral unless otherwise specified)
I’ll also write for these ships:
Stede x Ed
Stede x Izzy
Ed x Izzy
Steddyhands
Frenchie x Izzy
Lucius x Pete
Variations of Jim/Archie/Olu/Zheng Yi Sao
Good omens
Crowley x reader
Aziraphale x reader
Crowley x reader x Aziraphale
(Please specify if you have a preference of whether the reader is angel/demon/human)
I’ll also write Crowley x Aziraphale
If there’s a pairing not listed that you would like to see, please feel free to still send in your request and I’ll see what I can do. For ofmd, can be canon period or modern, and for good omens it will be current time unless otherwise specified in the request.
Main account
Ao3 account
#fanfic#fanfic author#ofmd fanfic#our flag means death#stede x ed#stede x blackbeard#stede x izzy#ed x izzy#steddyhands#tealoranges#jimchie#jim x archie#jim x oluwande#oluwande x zheng#lupete#lucius x black pete#frenchie x izzy#ofmd x reader#izzy x reader#izzy hands x reader#israel hands x reader#stede x reader#blackbeard x reader#good omens fanfic#crowley x aziraphale#crowley x reader#aziraphale x reader#crowley x reader x aziraphale#fanfic request
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