#pain flareup.... does not help

[milfronin-archive]

you ever like drastically overestimate how much you wanna do something

[morimementa]

Banal Retired SoapGhost headcanons

Soap still does demolition work, but in the construction field. He's got a nice office job which he has mixed feelings about.

Ghost works part time as museum security, part time as a nightclub bouncer. He finds the museum job pleasant because it's not sensory overload and people rarely talk to him, but boring for the same reasons. By contrast the nightclub is hell on his sensory issues but he enjoys strongarming the odd jerkwad.

By some miracle, Soap's hearing is not completely destroyed. It's still adequate, but he's learned BSL and ASL as a precaution and he's discussed any potential need of hearing aids down the line with his GP.

His ears may be fine, but remember the knee brace in MW2? Yeah, that's still an issue. It's an old battle wound, so he's had time to find helpful therapies, but whenever a ripper of a storm starts blowing in, expect to find him on the sofa with his leg propped up, muttering curses.

Ghost wears unscented deodorants, uses unscented soap, refuses to touch anything with perfume in it. This is a common thing in soldiers with PTSD, apparently. Their neighbor has MCAS and gladly shares product recommendations while breathing a sigh of relief that there's at least one house they can safely visit without triggering a flareup.

Fireworks are one huge pain. At least they don't have the fourth of July to worry about. One time someone in their neighborhood got a little too freaky with the bottle rockets. The next day Ghost came over to "politely tell them to keep it down". There hasn't been a repeat since.

Those neighbors now view him with a combination of terror and awe. As is proper.

Soap has a severe fear of heights due to the whole being-dangled-out-a-window thing. Combined with Ghost's claustrophobia, they both wind up taking the stairs a whole lot.

(Ghost offers to carry Soap on the days when his knee acts up. Soap cuffs him upside the head and laughs at this.)

(He'd still say yes if it meant not subjecting Ghost to an unexpected elevator.)

Civilian life gives them a lot of time to unpack their dual PTSD diagnoses. Ghost has a harder time letting his guard down because he's been on guard for most of his life.

Soap's ADHD was less noticeable in the military, but in their shared living space, he tends to lose track of things. At least once a day he goes, "Babe, where the (thing)?" and Ghost is like, "In the (place), dumbass (affectionate)."

Of the two of them, Soap is more prone to nightmares, usually about Las Almas. Ghost has always been a light sleeper, so he tends to wake up in time to either bring him out of it or comfort him when he jolts awake. Soap is always quick to return the favor.

(Ghost will only admit this to Soap but he gets his best sleep with Johnny in his arms. He loves knowing Soap is safe with him.)

Soap's also prone to getting the wiggles in bed, so sometimes Simon sleeps on top of him for that deep pressure goodness.

It goes both ways, of course. Sometimes Ghost comes home from work and goes, "Floor me." And Soap lays on top of him while he rests on the floor because job loud and stupid, husband warm and soft.

[thehypnone]

university ghoul dynamics part 2 of 2. I blame @skele-bunny and @everybodyshusband /aff this is about a student teacher relationship but they are both consenting adults and the age gap isn't drastic (think like 25&30)

non-binary, disabled young uni teacher rain with a fresh phd & audhd student aeon that picked a random degree so his parents would fuck off

aeon with parent issues, completely disinterested in all his classes, but smart, so he passes it all anyways. barely, but he does—he'd be a top student if he gave it more than the bare minimum

there's one class that he pays attention to, since the first meeting. a non-binary teacher 30 years younger than the rest of his professors and not much older than aeon himself. someone actually just...cool, with a gentle yet commanding voice that's just captivating and makes even the stubborn students just want to listen. rain seems passionate about their class, too, which makes it even more pleasant to listen because it’s obvious they actually want to be there and teach, and it’s not just a job they have to make a living

rain's class is the only one aeon attends regularly and actually listens to a little bit, but he's still aeon and he’s still on the spectrum. it's not like he's suddenly a passionate academic just because one of his teachers is cool. rain notices, ofc, and they also consider themself cool and approachable so they decide to talk to aeon about it. maybe he has some problems, maybe he has a learning disability, etc. rain intends to help, if they can

something something it turns out aeon never had anyone caring for him or his needs in any capacity and it's not long before he becomes strangely attached to rain. they're aware and they know they should stop it and definitely not let it go any further but...but there's something about helping aeon that kinda. fulfills them

when they were a student they had a lot of problems because of their gender identity and disability and they didn't have any teachers that would care and it made them hate university despite being so passionate. they took a gap year or two before their masters and phd and ended up loving it all over again but they still remember how it felt not being taken seriously and they don't want that for aeon

a few months and they totally fall in love. it's awkward and neither of them knows what to do about it and neither of them is even sure that the other feels the same and the simple fact that they're a teacher and a student, even if they're both adults with a not-so-big age difference

I think aeon always packs slowly at the end of the classes, lingers so he can be the last one to leave and maybe exchange a few words with rain. next semester aeon signs up for additional classes the moment he sees some of them are rain's

I think there would be a moment when like. aeon is slow as usual in getting out of the class. rain has a bad pain day and struggles with carrying some of their stuff and they end up dropping it. aeon is on his knees picking it up in a second and rain will not admit what aeon on his knees before him and looking up at them with a sweet smile and puppy eyes did to them

maybe rain invites him for coffee one time. to discuss his academic future, of course. nothing else. right?

they both feel it's so wrong but it reaches a point where they just. can't not be together

aeon not telling rain how far from university he actually lives and getting up at like. 5am to come pick rain up when they're in a flareup and can't get to uni themself but have to come teach

aeon throwing a tantrum when the elevator isn't working even though rain insist it's fine

(stolen from felix) rain emailing aeon telling him to come to office hours to talk, and when aeon gets there it turns out rain just wanted to say that they're...look, they're not disappointed, but they can see that aeon's not living up to his full potential, and they'd really like to see him working a bit harder in class if he's able to. they're more than willing to help him out with certain concepts and accommodate his needs to allow this to happen etc etc. and aeon doesn't really know why (we do though, it's the parental issues) but something about rain at their desk, peering over their round wire-rimmed glasses and telling him to work harder is doing something for him and he doesn't know how to feel about it. something about how gentle they are about it too, like they're not angry, they just want to see him work harder and be true to his abilities and they're genuinely willing to help him achieve that

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

can u pls do one with a mc with excema? love ur prompts, ive read all of them!!

The Arcana Mini-HCs: When MC has eczema

Julian: has taken care of many patients with this skin condition and happily provides his services to you as well! might suggest trying a few - ah - alternative treatments, which he came up with himself

Asra: used to put ointment on breakouts for you all the time and still does whenever you ask them to (especially if it's in a hard-to-reach spot). this often just turns into "massage all of MC's muscles" time

Nadia: wanted to ask about it when she saw it (mainly, whether she could touch you without hurting you), but also didn't know how to do so politely. keeps a hundred different creams stocked for it now

Muriel: didn't really think much of it until you needed his help on your trip south to reach a spot on your back. was so scared of hurting you (especially somewhere that looked painful), it took him ten minutes

Portia: she actually gets occasional minor flareups of this herself! so quick to remind you to put ointment on and won't hesitate to ask your for help on herself. has all kinds of things she's learned that help

Lucio: didn't know what it was and assumed at first that you had just missed a spot when you were washing up. bugged Nadia into letting you experience the goat milk baths he used to take to see if it'd help

[vawifey]

Huxley and Damien hcs

- hux was a part of a buddy program when he was younger and to this day, they still keep in contact go on Tea dates to catch up

- Damien has religious trauma

- Hux gave Damien his jersey to wear to his games and now it is Damien’s favorite. He wears it when he needs comfort.

- Damien is an arc reader

- Hux has chronic pain he has had chronic pain his whole life, but it has gotten worse with the sports he plays he doesn’t get bad flareup all the time, but it does get bad once in a while

- Damien Wears make up and when he first started, it was when Hux and him first started dating So Hux’s mom‘s helped him with everything make up related with a little help of the freelancer.

- hux has a memory box of all the dates him and Damien have been on (a little keepsake box)

- Damien used to work at a library his high school years

- Huxley’s first job was a camp counselor

- Damien loves to flirt with Hux in French because Hux has no idea what he’s saying (he still learning)

- Damien loves doing detective sort of games so that was their third date it took them five hours to complete it

- Hux is allergic to cats

[bullet-prooflove]

Because it’s after midnight and I’m awake due to arthritis making my knee hurt like hell:

What does Dean Archer do when his partner is sick/injured?

So I thought this may be a fun gif to make you smile.

Dean hates seeing you in pain, he will do everything in his power to try and help you. He will be very present and reassuring. He’ll do what he can to make you comfortable, make sure you have your meds and any cold/heat packs available. He’ll find aways to distract you, engaging you in all the things that you like until the flare up is over or pain meds kick in.

If it’s a long term consistent condition (like arthritis) you can bet he’s researched the fuck out of it to help with the prevention of flareups. So he’s probably cooking better meals with food that doesn’t agitate the condition, helping you with physio and reminding you if you’re doing something that could potentially cause a flare up.

[idontplaytrack]

✧ good problem to have

Janis ‘Imi’ike x physically disabled fem!reader

Warnings: kind of a vent writing, descriptions of chronic health & physical conditions + symptoms. Light smut, fluff, Janis being soft for reader. This oneshot took a few turns at the end- I didn’t intend on ending it the way I did😂

The following depicts the worst side of reader’s experience with a physical disability and its chain of effects. Reader discretion is advised.

Janis looks at the clock on the wall as though she was having a staring contest with it. You’d been in the shower for nearly thirty minutes and the girl had half a mind to just walk in there to keep an eye on you instead. But she held back, she stays on the other side of the door as she hears the water running.

Half an hour ago, you angrily decided to sit in the shower - a warm, no- hot shower in hopes that the heat would alleviate the squeezing pain in your ribcage caused by your rather newly diagnosed condition of Costochondritis.

Janis was with you the night you ended up in the ER because of it. She watched everything went down and it shattered her heart seeing you so helpless. You didn’t exactly remember what happened because of the amount of pain that you were in- she tells you it was better that way since the doctor practically tried to gaslight you into giving you over-the-counter pain meds and sending you right back home. That was a month ago- and this, was technically flareup number one since that night. She fought for you, because you couldn’t. You actually couldn’t even take in a full breath, let alone open your mouth and form a coherent sentence. Janis’ Mom has been a big help throughout all of this as well, seeing that she even noticed something was wrong unlike your own who barely believed you. “Is she still in there?” Damian arrives at Janis’ with their favourite pizza. And both your homework for the day that you two’d missed

“Ya think?” Janis huffs.

“Is she…”

“She didn’t pass out. I knocked and she responded but she doesn’t want to let me in there.” Janis was just ever so slightly horrified by his assumption.

“Okay, good. Well, eat first.” He shrugs, unfazed by her glare.

As Janis refused to eat first, saying you weren’t back out yet, you opened the bathroom door and walked out. “Fuck this.” You remarked as you shut the door to the bathroom. “My back already hurts because my legs are not the same length, I have fucking scoliosis and now this added on to it? Does the universe want to torture me till I die or something?” Janis seemed unfazed on the outside, but inside she was actually so worried (she wouldn’t admit it to anyone). This never was a good sign, and the damage control needed to be fast. To top it all off, Damian’s never been around to witness such ‘episodes’.

Janis knew you didn’t really mean what you said, it was more so in the moment of anger, frustration and more importantly, the constant nagging pain then random weeks in the year where you would get heightened levels of the pain due to a ‘flareup’. How does it happen? You would have usually have done something to push yourself too much- whether or not either of you have realised it. And full disclosure, a big risk to take would be bedroom activities. You usually did not care until it was too late and end up pushing through the next few days with what feels like your whole body aching.

“Shit, I did not see you here, Damian.” You let out a soft gasp, a hand clutching at your chest.

“I wanted pizza. I sent him a text, and here he is.” Janis grins, “Sit down, lovey.” You did, eyeing the box Damian’s placed on the coffee table.

“I bought our favourite- trust me, we need this.” He joked, “They even gave us free garlic knots.”

“Oh, hell yes.” Janis rummages through the paper bag for some of that bread first while you reached for a slice of the pepperoni and sausage pizza.

“Hey, guys.” Janis’ mom was home. Damian and Janis greet her almost in unison, while you gave her a wave without saying a thing. “How are you feeling, y/n? Any better?”

“Barely.” You revealed.

“You came home to grab your lunch, didn’t ya?” Janis chuckled.

“Yeah.” Her Mom laughs, “Forgot it this morning. You guys need anything before I go?”

“I think we’re good.” Janis answers after pondering for a second, observing you and Damian as well.

“Alright. If your Ma calls the home phone, please pick up and let me know. Some guy at the coffee shop spilled his coffee on her and the phone’s a goner.” Janis’ Mom informed.

“Alright, well- did she back up her stuff?” Janis’ eyes widened for a beat.

“Yeah, but it’s just that she doesn’t have time right now to get a new phone.”

“Oh, okay. Get back to work, I wouldn’t want you to be late.” Janis shrugs, one of her hands on your back as you ate.

Her Mom flashes a smile, nodding, “I’ll pick up Ma on my way back from work, we’ll be buying dinner too. You guys are welcome to join us.” After Damian says he couldn’t— since he’d already promised his family that he’d be home by dinner, Janis’ Mom leaves with her lunch to go back to work.

————

Janis and Damian were engaged in a conversation over lunch, you on the other hand were more focused on whether or not you could make it through more of the day without relying on pain meds. They tasted foul and made you feel even worse- yes, even with the pain gone, the Tramadol gave you pretty bad nausea even after taking an anti-emetic. And you, having emetophobia would rather not go through that.

You were fine- you weren’t gonna collapse or anything, you were just in a lot of pain and physically uncomfortable. It was pretty much all you could feel, especially every time you took in a breath even slightly deeper. “Stay with me till this flareup is over.” Janis announced to you, “Your parents aren’t in town, and your sisters…I don’t trust them to be accountable for you. Don’t fight me on this.”

“Alright.” You agreed curtly, putting your plate containing a half-eaten slice on the coffee table, then you just curled up in a corner. “I’ll finish it later.”

“Yeah, sure, baby.” Janis smiled briefly, mouth full of food. Damian chuckled at her talking with her mouth full, earning a playful shove from the ravenette. You managed to fall asleep with their company, thank god. But when you woke up, it was just Janis alone.

“I made you some tea, y/n. Should help your chest pain some.” She hands you a mug, which you gladly took a few sips out of before putting down. “Thanks.” A warm beverage always alleviates your chest pain- the heat from it helps once you’d consumed it. Since it goes down your throat, it basically kinda just, spreads to your chest. “No problem, lovey.” She sits down beside you, putting the TV remote nearer to you in case you felt like watching something.

Here’s how it was: You couldn’t close a door behind yourself, you couldn’t wear a seatbelt on your own, you couldn’t stretch in any way because it would trigger a sharp pain in your chest. The condition was by definition, an inflammation of the cartilage of the ribcage. Thus, causing the pain. Even a cough or a sneeze would have you cursing and swearing, if not on the verge of tears. Little every day tasks are a huge challenge for you now, and it would be like this at every flare up. You hated that had to rely on her or someone else for such minuscule things. It made you feel useless.

While you finished up the tea, she was eating a bag of chips. It was evident to her that you were still in pain. When you first started experiencing it, you had it for a full week before it got unbearable and you had ended up in the ER. The worst part? Probably the physical exam where the doctor pressed down on your ribs and quite literally made you cry. But it did however, confirm your diagnosis. So you were glad you weren’t just seemed as ‘dramatic’(like the ER initially thought you were) and it made your Mom shut up about those remarks after Janis’ mother handed her the memo from the doctor. “I’m…really sorry. I just feel like shit and very unlike myself.”

“It’s okay.”

“No it’s not, I’ve been such a bitch.”

“Look who you’re talking to.” She exhales, “I don’t care if you’re ‘ruder than usual’, you’re in a lot of pain right now, and you’re someone who’s already dealing with chronic pain from your legs and your scoliosis, whatever else…I get it. I see you going through every day and I don’t care if you’re sometimes gonna be a little snappy. A little grouchy. Or if you’re gonna wanna cry. It’s fair- seeing that I myself, and other people who don’t have to deal with chronic illnesses or pain.”

You quietly listen, closing your eyes while taking some shallow breaths. “I actually feel like dying. If this is what the rest of my life will be like, I’d just be a burden. Well, more of it.”

“Baby, you- oh my God, every day. You’re dealing with symptoms that would send regular people straight to the ER. So whatever you need, let me know. Take your anger out on me, I don’t care. I already told you I would do anything for you.” Janis continues.

“You’re so sweet.” You sniffled, a little too hard.

“Only for you, baby.” She winked, her hand on your knee.

You mentioned, “You know, I got my period while I was in the shower.”

“Which would explain the extra pain.” Janis scoffs, her hand stops at your lower back, giving you the needed warmth. “More hormones…more pain, which sucks, but in the meantime…you wanna watch some TV?”

You declined, “I just…wanna sit here with you.”

“Anything you want.” She kisses you softly on the cheek.

“My whole life, I’ve been the sick child. And now things just got worse.” You said to her while you feel her arm gently wrap around your waist, “I guess some days I just let the worst thoughts get the best of me. When I say I want…to die, it’s just that I want to stop suffering. I can’t focus or do anything when I’m in pain in makes me feel like nothing.”

“I hear you and I got you, okay?” Janis cups your cheeks with both hands, “I don’t understand fully, what you’re going through but I see how hard things get for you and I will always be here to help you- with anything. Okay? And Damian. He cares, I care. We love you. Hm? Don’t ever feel like you’re bothering people - we all need help sometimes and I just fucking love you and would do anything if I could make it better.”

You were already emotional, being on your period, hearing her say all that just made you feel like crying even more. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Here’s one thing you need to remember in times like these- I will be here for you, no matter the time of day. Call me, or text me. Whatever. But I will always, always have time for you.” Janis had her hands in your own, kissing them.

————

Now it was after dinner, so her Moms were in their room. And you, were in Janis’ room with her. You were laying down, your head in her lap as she massaged your aching head. “Janis.” You looked up at her. She glances at you, “Yeah?”

“You know how they say sex would help with cramps?”

“I heard.” She responded nonchalantly.

“Can you help me?” You asked straightforwardly after a brief silence.

“I can, if that’s what you want. But you’d definitely be in quite a bit of pain afterwards, everywhere else.” She raised a brow, a hand on your torso.

“I’m already in pain. Might as well make myself…feel good.” You sigh.

“You’ve got a point.” She hums, “I can definitely help you out. Just gotta go grab some towels.”

“You really don’t mind?” You asked her cautiously.

“Yeah.” Janis confirmed, “I have hands, I have vibrators…some blood’s not gonna scare me.”

You chuckled, “Okay. Ah, shit. That hurt.”

“Just…lay down and look pretty for me.” She winks, slowly shifting you onto the mattress fully so she could get off the bed and retrieve the towels.

After locking the doors and washing her hands, Janis lays the towel beneath you, carefully leaning down to kiss you while holding herself up on her palms. “You can stop me at anytime, alright?”

You nod, kissing her back. She began stripping each article of clothing off of you, carefully, watching your face to make sure she doesn’t hurt you. You kiss her this time, starting to feel your need for her grow rapidly. It really does not take you long when you were on your period. She stuck her tongue in your mouth, it exploring every little bit of it eagerly. You moaned into the kiss soon enough, and she takes it as her cue to do more. The back of her hand brushes over your nipples, the whimper you let out and expression on your face tells her they were way too sensitive. She leaves them alone, choosing to attack the known sensitive spots on your neck instead. She elicits the sounds of approval out of you extremely easily, as you feel the familiar rush between your legs. Reaching for a small bullet-shaped vibrator, she turns it on and presses it to your clit gently. You gasp, eyes nearly rolling to the back of your head as you got giddy with pleasure.

“You’re okay?”

“Still good.” You let out a strained reply. She breaks away from you completely, getting off of her bed. Then, she pulls you down to near the edge of the mattress, along with the towel. Grabbing your ankles, she was knelt on a rug, pushing them up as gently as she could, mindful about your hurting right hip. She’s never done this before, but you trusted her with your life. So you went with it. You feel her fingers tracing the stretch marks on your thighs, making you squirm because you were ticklish. She kisses you on your inner thighs several times before you felt her fingers teasing your folds. You whimpered, feeling her so close to where you needed her the most. She held your ankles together for a bit as she slid two fingers into you without trouble, pumping them in and out as her thumb rubbed circles on your clit. You were like a melted puddle under her touch, you wanted to moan, but you remembered her parents were only a couple doors down so you had a fist on your mouth to keep yourself quiet,

“It’s okay. You don’t have to do that.” She tells you, looking at you right in the eye. Her voice, it was so gentle and sweet…like honey, or a lullaby.

“Your Moms are home.” You reminded.

“They don’t care.” She stated, all this while her hands don’t stop. Your legs, now sloppily laid on her shoulders as she held the vibrator with that hand and returned it to its spot on your clit, adding on to the stimulation. And with her also curling her fingers upward to hit your g-spot, your release was even closer. “I want to hear you, my love.” She requested as she turned the small vibrator off and put it aside on the towel. Her fingers still hard at work as her free hand reached over to a draw in her nightstand to locate a thicker vibrator. She doesn’t turn it on, but instead she asks if she could use that in place of her fingers. You agreed, desperately wanting to get your release. The stretch you felt caused you to give her a throaty moan, but it didn’t hurt a bit, thanks to the extra lubrication. With every thrust, the more high-pitched your whimpers became. Until, they became actual moans that just couldn’t stop. You could feel her twisting it in between thrusts, it made you feel insanely good. It was never that easy until this time every month, especially not with this minimal foreplay. Her thrusts became harsher at the end as you felt the coil in your core, it felt so intense- it actually kind of ached. As you unraveled, she removes the vibrator and her fingers took over again, helping you down from your high.

When she helped you get up and into the shower, you caught a look of the aftermath, which wasn’t as horrific as you thought it would be. “I’ll be in with you in a minute, okay. Just be careful.”

“I’ll be fine.” You assured, sitting down on a ledge in the bathroom where her bottles of shampoo, conditioner and body wash usually sat. She dumps the towels in a pail filled with hot water. You couldn’t actually see anything on them because they were black coloured towels so that saved you from overthinking how the mess looked.

————

She returns to the bathroom with two sets of clothes for the both of you, leaving them on the countertop of the sink. Janis closes the door. “Hi, pretty girl.” She cooed, hopping into the shower with you.

“Hi.” You smiled in return.

You reached for the body wash, but she stops you, saying she’d do it for you. Well, and every other step of the shower. Suddenly, you got an idea. She’s helped you out, so you thought it was time for her turn. As she stood before you, her chest barely above your eye-line, your hand finds its way to her hip. “What ya doin’?” She asks you with a chuckle as she squeezes some of the body wash onto a loofah. The smell of lavender and camomile feels the air of the steamy shower. You took a careful breath- you loved this fragrance. “Do you want me to…y’know You ask, “You helped me out, I think it’s fair if I help you out now.”

She smirked. “I’m gonna say yes to that.”

Your pointer and middle fingers slide down her folds, you let out a quiet gasp feeling that she was wet. You had it down to a science, how to make her come. It did not take you more than fifteen minutes to have her be asking to come. You let her, without resistance, since she’d make it so easy for you earlier.

She lets out a giddy little laugh, helping you stand up from your seat on the ledge, “I love you.” Janis captures your lips into her own, giving you a lingering kiss as she presses her forehead against your own.

You fell asleep much, much easier that night. She wore you out- that, coupled with your typical tiredness you felt on your period. Before you could feel your pain in a plethora of locations amp up its intensity, you’d succumbed to slumber, feeling Janis doodle circles and other silly shapes on your back with her fingers. “I love you, Janis.” You mumbled sleepily as your eyelids drooped shut.

“I love you so much, baby.” She said wholeheartedly, that being the last thing you heard before falling asleep. Janis doesn’t stop tracing random shapes on your clothed back as for a few minutes, but she mentally ran through a checklist of the stuff she’d left on her desk- stuff that you’d need just in case: water, your medications, some snacks in case you needed to take the meds, plastic bags, heat packs and even the medicated pain relief plasters her Mom got you. You grumbled that it was a lot of work for her but she said it was no trouble. You felt bad, but she tells you not to. She always won. Whenever you were ill or brought down by cramps before this new condition took over and gave sick days a whole new meaning, she’d always make the time to take care of you. Even in school, she’d make the day go by easier for you by subtly doing whatever she could think of…sneaking you little individually wrapped pieces of your favourite chocolate or candy, bringing Advil or Tylenol in her bag with her for the week, even just by asking if you were okay so you knew that she cared and that she was aware that you were sick or having your monthly cycle so you could ask her for help if needed. You never did openly ask her for help, per se. But instead she’d ask if you needed anything because she just knew. Janis could read you like a book after having started off as best friends. She knew just how you behaved whenever you had something on your mind or whenever you weren’t at 100%.

Your Mother’s warned her that you were a big problem to deal with, as though you weren’t a human being with feelings. She bluntly told your Mother that even if you had problems, she didn’t give a shit the way your Mom did. She’d actually make sure you were treated with care. The night Janis got into it with your Mom, she made you a promise to always be looking after you and you told her you’d do the same for her. Neither of you have once broke that promise, which surprised your Mother to no end but slowly caused her to back off. Very unwillingly. Especially since you’ve learnt that, the lesser time you spent at home, the better it was for you. If being with Janis taught you one thing, it was to be unapologetically yourself and always standing up to the people who would treat you badly — that’s two, technically. But you get it. You were not a plaything for others to manipulate for their own enjoyment or benefit.

Everyone you passed in your life since knowing Janis, called her a danger, a problem, or just… ‘bad’, but you disagreed. To you, she was the opposite of those terms. Even when she had her little moments where she’d threatened to rip the head off of a school bully or break their jaw for each mean passing remark. That was her way of caring for people that mattered to her, because she knew that if she just let it go, those bullies kept going day after day. She had to show them that she meant what she said. And you loved her for that. And many other reasons, like how happy she made you, but yeah. You were her problem, and she was yours. As she said, playing along with your Mother’s words. Her wit - your Mother was no match to her. Janis will always have a comeback and Damian always enjoys witnessing such a situation. While you were soundly asleep, Janis stayed up thinking about the night your Mom called you a problem. She could not let that shit go as hard as she tried. Those words were as good as tattooed on her mind and she detested that.

‘You made her a problem. You caused her to have anxiety and be in ‘bad moods’. None of this is her fault entirely. How could you treat your daughter like that? You didn’t even call or text to check on her once.’ Janis thought.

She watches you sleep as her thoughts ran through her mind. Feeling the anger bubbling up, she takes a few deep breaths to calm herself down, scooting closer to you quietly to hold you in her arms.

‘You want to call her a problem? Fine. So be it. She’s a good problem to have. Screw you.’ Janis thought again.

“Nothing will ever make me mad at you.” She mumbles to herself, brushing the hair out of your face, “Good night, sweet girl.”

[mla0]

people talk about shaun's anger issues as having an element of untreated trauma and potential mental illness, and i definitely think that's a big part of it, but i also think that sometimes people forget how snappy you can unintentionally get when you're in constant physical pain. like. if shaun never fully healed from getting her arm/leg broken as a kid, and still gets constant pain and flareups that she's always trying to hide, it could make her extremely irritable over little things without even trying to be. so imagining her getting proper treatment and possibly a cane to help offset the strain on her leg, and only then does she realize just how much it had affected her mood and general wellbeing/happiness when she refused to even acknowledge it as an issue

[aceofwhump]

Hello! Do you by chance have any recs for blood thinner side effect fics (for Buck), or just generally long-term effects of any of his injuries/lingering conditions?

Like (can I post links? Idunno, the title is “a hundred little pieces” by renecdote)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28948266

is absolutely incredible (highly recommend!) and I’m on the lookout. Thanks!

Hi! I've def got a few fics for you. Hope you enjoy!

These are all blood thinner related:

death by blood thinners by carefulren: Buck cuts his arm during a rescue, but he doesn't realize until Eddie walks in on him half-naked in the locker room and covered in blood.

Let That Lonely Feeling Wash Away by 221BSunsetTowers: After the fight with Eddie in the grocery store, Buck drops a glass jar and cuts his hand. Buck's just too tired, thinks he's just too tiring, to do anything but buy some gauze and plan on bandaging himself up at home. Buck's not really thinking about the blood thinners he's still on when the blood loss makes him collapse outside the store, right in front of Eddie.

Bleeding Isn't Optional for Most of Us by actually18pigeons Summary: In the midst of recovering from the leg injury, Buck relapses with self-harm, but the blood thinners make that a bit more of a problem than he anticipated. So what does he do as he's bleeding out on his bathroom floor? Call Eddie of course. Major self-harm trigger warning. Be careful please.

Shaving Gone Wrong by DawnNimbus Summary: Buck not paying attention at work before shift and cuts himself shaving. Eddie freaks out because of the blood thinners. Buck had forgotten to tell the team had been off them for a while.

---------------------

These are all Buck having chronic leg pain after being crushed under a firetruck:

Flare Up by actually18pigeons Summary: Off of a chronic pain prompt - Buck has a flareup sometime between healing from the accident and being reinstated. Pre-lawsuit, pre-Buddie (but there's definitely mutual feelings).

Attack from Behind by Shearmouth Summary: For Whumptober Day 6: "Stop, please." Most days, it's nothing. A twinge if he lands on it wrong, an ache during rainstorms. Other days, Buck can't breathe.

featherlight by rogerzsteven Summary: "Can you come over?" Buck asks over the phone— he pleas, and the tremble in his voice clenches Eddie's heart. "Where are you?" Eddie springs to his feet, grabbing his coat and keys in a rush, his brows knitted and face suddenly burning up. "Are you okay?" Eddie hears another choked out mewl over the line. "I'm— I'm home." "Are you okay?" "I'm—" Buck's words get cut off by a pained groan. "God, my—my leg— I c-can't get up." 1 time Buck tends to Eddie's shoulder pain and 1 time Eddie tends to Buck's leg pain. Bad Things Happen Bingo: Chronic Pain

eddie diaz saves the day by buckaroobuddie Summary: Buck's leg acts up as he's trying to rescue someone. Eddie's there to save the day. ---- Written for the prompt "Chronic pain"

cause i will be your safety by rogerzsteven Summary: "Is it your leg?" Eddie whispers as he gives Buck's shoulder blade a gentle squeeze. Buck nods his head without even lifting his face from the pillow and whimpers quietly. Eddie sits on the edge of the couch, wraps his fingers around Buck's leg and scoots closer so he can rest Buck's leg on his lap. "Hey." Eddie says when Buck tries to get his leg free from Eddie's touch. "Let me see." Buck has a leg cramp. Eddie helps him as he can. bad things happen bingo: crying into chest

---------------------

These are all post tsunami nightmares and panic attacks:

Fall On Me by lionheartedghost Summary: “You never used to go this way,” Eddie said. “It’s quicker to take a left back on Pine and go along by the ocean.” “This way’s quicker,” Buck said absently. “Cuts out the traffic.” “No it doesn’t.” Eddie looked at him carefully. “It just cuts out the beach.” Written for the promptabuddie prompt, "Eddie helps Buck deal with his fear of water following the tsunami."

Bring Me Back by Stennerd Summary: It's been months since the tsunami and Buck had been doing just fine. All it took was walking through water to bring it all crashing back.

Bucky bear by wolfypuppypiles Summary: Buck is still struggling with nightmares after the tsunami and Eddie and Christopher come up with a plan to help him feel safe at night.

Ghost in the night by wolfypuppypiles Summary: So, apparently one of the side effects of trauma can be sleepwalking. Yeah. Buck thought it was pretty weird too. Queue worry, angst, baby gates and pep talks :)

[carmillatism]

hello! i hope this ask finds you well <3

i’m just looking for a bit of advice and i saw one of your posts about being disabled so i figured i might ask;

(to preface: i am not disabled) but sometimes my right hip does a weird thing and hurts for a bit on and off and i can’t really walk (my hips have always been weird - they pop really easily and hurt if i lay down on them for too long) and i was curious if you might have advice on how to deal with that? (though granted i don’t actually know what kind of physical disability you have so this might just be headed out into the aether)

(sorry if this is the wrong blog to ask!)

hello! sorry for getting back so late; i had school! and yes, you came to the right place! want to preface this with a disclaimer by saying i'm not a professional, and i recommend you talk with a doctor if possible. i also recommend doing your own research as i don't know you like you know you!

that aside, i have pots and hsd, both which cause me chronic pain. hsd, or hypermobikity spectrum disorder, causes me chronic joint pain. and good for you, my most common place of pain is in my hips, so i have a lot of experience with what your describing.

my biggest recommendation, other than talking with a doctor, is for you to try and stay off of it when it hurts. you can also apply heat or cold (with an ice pack, heating pad, etc.) to the area that hurts. that usually makes me feel better. i also recommend taking otc (over-the-counter) pain meds. take the dose it tells you to take, and that will usually help soothe the pain!

i also recommend that you keep your mind open to the idea that you could be disabled. if this pain is pretty common for you (as in it happens a couple times a week) and has lasted for at least 3 months with common occurrences, then it's considered chronic pain. if you have chronic pain, you are disabled. ofc i don't know you and can't say for certain! but keeping your mind open to the idea can help you more easily make that transition in the future if you are diagnosed with a disability or your symptoms become disabilitating.

i also recommend getting a cane if possible! canes help a lot with getting weight off of the leg that's hurting, thus allowing the pain to decrease. do not worry about "faking" being disabled. if you need a cane to lessen the pain you feel whilst walking or to support your walking, then use it! you would use your left (opposite of hurt leg) hand for the cane. you don't have to get one, of course, but they are a pretty cheap investment if you get them at a pharmacy or online, and they are extremely helpful.

but again, i can't recommend it anymore for you to see a medical professional. what you are describing sounds similar to my experiences with chronic pain, plus having pain flareups for seemingly no reason pretty consistently along with your hip feeling out of place or popping out of place, sounds like something to bring up to your doctor. based on the limited symptoms you gave, i recommend looking into heds, hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndromes (plus the other versions of eds), or hsd (which is what i have. both are hypermobility from a connective tissue disorder that causes a slew of symptoms, but a major one is joint instability and chronic pain. hsd is sort of a different part of the spectrum of eds, or just a different but similar disorder (scientists really don't know)).

some good medical websites that i use a lot for info on my own health as well as my medical science interst are the cleveland clinic, the nhs website, and mayo clinic. these have digestible pages of information about many different disorders and problems.

i also recommend keeping a list of your symptoms that don't seem entirely normal or healthy. also, keeping a journal of your pain flares and describing when and why it happens can help you track it and see if it worsens or gets better. i also recommend using these to look into possible disorders that you may have. advice given for any type of similar disorders with symptoms similar to yours (or that you might have) can greatly benefit you if you want more advice!

if you have any more questions you can dm me, use my ask box again, or ask someone else for another point of view! talking about it with many different people can give you many different and helpful perspectives that can help you figure out what's going on. i wish you all the best!

[one-winged-dreams]

Been working on the Isaac ship (with Gallagher intermittently interrupting >:( ) and I realized I haven't talked about it on here AT ALL since I haven't had the time or drive to draw my insert for him.

S/I AND OC F/O LORE UNDER CUT

Essentially Isaac finds a half feral werewolf (me) while he's out in the wilderness who is injured and ostracized from his pack. He's been dependent on human interaction from the campers that pass through so he knows an amount of human words and can talk crudely but he can communicate and that's what matters.

Isaac's guilt complex absolutely eats him alive so he takes the werewolf back to the cabin he had rented out for the trip and wouldn't you know it, the werewolf gets attached after being nursed back to health. He explains that he's not allowed to have territory anywhere around so he's been roaming hoping he doesn't get mauled by other werewolves and Isaac's like "fuck my stupid baka life" and makes the impulsive decision to take him back to the city with him. He names the werewolf Laika and does his best to teach him how to live a civilized life.

Anyway, it's a whole thing about how Laika loves him unconditionally and Isaac is like "I do not deserve this, I do not fucking deserve this" because he's got this cute werewolf living with him, a traumatized ex-monster hunter.

I'm starting with 'Laika doesn't know what a crush is, he just knows that he's very attached and has the same feelings a werewolf would feel for a mate' and Isaac has to navigate this because he DOES have feelings for Laika in return but he doesn't think he can return them the same way he wants to because of his guilt complex. And Laika is hurt at first, but he reassures Isaac that he's willing to wait as long as it takes because he loves him and he knows that Isaac has the capacity to love without it being tainted by self-hatred.

So it's a pseudo-romance right now but it'll progress in time.

ALSO LAIKA IS LIKE, his service dog. Whenever Isaac has a PTSD episode, Laika will put his chin on Isaac's knee to ground him. And he sleeps with his head in Isaac's lap to help whenever he has nightmares. And when Isaac has a chronic pain flareup, Laika will lay on top of him. It's equal parts angst and fluff akjsgakgj

[beanghostprincess]

currently suffering so i'm giving sanji back pain from his drum island injury

most days it's barely there, easy to ignore and doesn't interfere with his life much, it's healed well, it's nothing compared to when the injury was fresh and he worsened it by moving too much (what do you mean normal pain level is supposed to be "no pain"?)

but then there's the days when it's cold and wet or they're just after a big fight and every movement hurts so much it's only practice that stops him from crying

and i think that if the flareup is caused by weather and not a recent fight he'd be really resistant to the idea of taking painkillers - because nothing happened and he feels useless - so he tries to power through because he's the cook it's his role to provide his crew comfort before he's allowed to rest - so on these days he smokes even more than usual both to dull pain and the feelings

fun fact: while smoking can provide short term pain relief, in the long run it worsens pain, especially in the back, because nicotine makes blood vessels narrow and less blood flow and oxygen makes spinal discs degenerate faster

the crew notices of course and they try to make him feel better - providing heating pads (handmade by usopp) and company and distraction and usopp & nami offer to cook that day

Yay! More asks about chronic pain! More suffering! (I know it sounds sarcastic but I am serious I love these).

Sanji is... Sanji is just being Sanji. If something hurts, it doesn't. What do you mean it hurts? He's perfectly fine. Nothing a few smoke breaks can't fix. If it hurts, he'll just deal with it like the man he is. If the one who should provide comfort can't even deal with little things like this, how can he call himself the cook of the crew? Of course it doesn't hurt.

But it's basically killing him and he's starting to lose it.

When the crew notices he doesn't want to accept their help first, but Luffy is the one to scold him and tell him that he needs to trust his family when these things happen. That if it hurts, they will help him heal or at least feel better. And if there's something that hurts even more than what he's going through, it's worrying Luffy. So he ends up accepting the help. On bad days, Usopp or Nami cook or help him while he's the one doing it, and they always tell him to rest and take it easy. Chopper tells him to quit smoking, but it never works anyway and he has been saying it from the beginning... At least he does it less and he doesn't use it only to relieve the pain.

[disabled-stuck]

TIME FOR MY CHRONIC PAIN HCS :) i think almost everyone in homestuck has chronic pain, but in different areas? so here we go everyone:

june has chronic pain in her fingers and in her legs. most days, she prefers flying, which does help with the pain, and she also has a walker.

rose has chronic pain in her arms, and uses compression gloves to help with it. she also has pretty horrible headaches that are a side effect of horrorterror possession. (also, hc she's legally blind!)

dave has chronic pain in his shoulders, his knees, and his hips; he uses a cane. he gets timey-alt selves to help out sometimes as well!

jade has ankle pain and just leg pain in general! she really likes it when june takes them both flying. she keeps a shrunken down wheelchair just in her bag for if she needs to embiggen it (made up word. bc i like doing that) when she's in public and a flareup hits

janey... just like me, he has horrible migraines. specifically pain in his temples, where the tiaratop used to press. also in his hips :( she and dave commiserate about it. he's learning to ask for help but she's Rlly Bad At It

ROXY :) i actually think of all the alpha/beta kids her flareups are the least frequent. she gets rlly bad arm pain that sort of radiates down from her neck, so when that hits callie brings her stuff so she doesn't have to use her arms. also, i hc that she has cirrhosis.

dirk has chronic pain in his neck, his lower back, and his wrists! he wears compression gloves as well, but the other flareups get so bad that if one hits him he's pretty much bedridden. cold helps.

jake has pain in his upper back- she says it feels like wings trying to get out of aer back. when it flares up, they use hot heating pads and lie down.

calliope has joint pain!!! they have to take care of their joints very carefully bc of the whole sort-of-skeleton thing. when the pain hits, she needs human touch a lot; jane gives great hugs, which are v much appreciated.

MAYBE I WILL COME BACK AND DO THE TROLLS.. i dont have hcs for all the trolls so i will think on them

hey anon you are so fucking based

[queenburd]

does getting a physical form affect the narrator's ability to remember things?? (think you may have talked about this before but. couldn't find it & now am not sure if it was you or someone else ^^;;)

relatedly,, how might it affect the degree to which he can/can't fight against his own code,, and/or what that Feels like for him to do??

I actually am not sure if I have talked about this! I know he had to deal with the Skip button in different ways and I talked about that, but. (maybe also that fic idea I had? but am not gonna write?) hmmm.

okay so I think the issue here is by the time he does make himself a form, they have done everything so so SO many times and have also TALKED about all the endings outside of the context of said endings that he does have the gist of everything by that point. He's not QUITE to the point of Stanley who remembers previous runs freshly, but he's honestly not far off. (their relationship really is Stanley dragging him kicking and screaming into growing and changing, while he forces Stanley to slow down and be introspective with his actions and choices.)

I imagine if he DID keep having memory problems (and Stanley wasn't able to help by reminding him, for whatever reason), he might have trauma habits he doesn't even realize the source of. Kind of like.... maybe OCD? Im not knowledgeable of OCD but I know that and PTSD and CPTSD can have this sense of picking up a coping habit because if you don't do x, something bad will happen. just the constant vibe of "something bad is going to happen!"

I dont feel like Im explaining this well so let me try again using my own experiences as an example. once my roommate and I were doing stretches that were a little vague on how to be done, and I was doing them in a way different from my roommate, and I realized belatedly that I was doing it because I occasionally have severe hip pain, so I was practicing the stretch in a way that wouldn't upset my hip.

but I hadnt had a flare up in multiple months and had never done the stretch during the periods I had the flareup! my body just was instinctively trying to reduce the flare i didnt have.

I also have some pretty bad childhood trauma, and I keep realizing just how many memories I ended up repressing for my own health without my awareness. And those were my formative years, so Im pretty positive Im still unlearning some bad habits I developed as coping techniques for the experiences that I straight up! dont remember!

so... think about it like that, for the narrator. he might do something a certain way and then catch himself and realize "why did I do it like that, anyway?" (which then of course goes back to "why dont I remember? why dont I have control?")

but this is all incredibly hypothetical primarily because he has Stanley as a sounding board for his memories. by the time he has a body, Stanley is so familiar with him that the protagonist is really good about prompting him to try to recall things he might otherwise not.

[cum-villain]

At The Top Of My Lungs, No Sound Comes Out

(This fic is published on ao3 under the same title, on my ao3 as "just_a_dogboi". This work is incomplete with 6 chapters, but as ao3 is currently down, I am putting the first chapter here!)

Fic summary: Shen Jiu is targeted by a malicious being, attacking him through dreams and mysteriously draining his blood, leaving cryptic messages for him. Will he be able to clear away what's assaulting him before it kills him--or worse, replaces him?

(Has a good ending for him.)

Xiao-Jiu was 14, and he was alone.

Not in the physical sense, as Qiu Jianluo beating the hell out of him certainly counted as another person being present. But if he swallowed his pride and cried for help, if he cried at all, nobody would help him, or comfort him, no one would drive his master away or heal his wounds. In the only way that really counted to a slave boy, he was alone. 

Crying would be useless, so he did not. Showing his pain, or his anger, would only result in further torment, so he kept his face clear of all emotion. He was like a peerless immortal, unmoved by earthly matters. Hah, as if a slave like him would ever be one! Despite his obvious talent, he’d only escape here dead or as a criminal. And honestly, while he wasn’t afraid of dirtying his hands to escape, these days, the first option was becoming more and more appealing. 

 After what seemed like forever, it was over. 

“Do you know what you did?”

“This humble one was wrong to speak in such a way to his master. This humble one will never do such a thing again.” Did he feel the cold vacuum of dread, of hopelessness? Was it the fiery brightness of anger in his chest? Probably both.

“Kowtow!”

With his bruised and battered body, Xiao-Jiu kneeled.

While his head was down, he heard the thud, the sickening sound that accompanied it. His hands, his hands–

~~

Ah, not again. 

It had been a few months since Shen Qingqiu had had a flareup of nightmares. Honestly, he should have expected that it would happen soon, with his non-existent luck. Still, they usually weren’t that vivid, even if he did always wake up in a cold sweat… Eh, probably the heavens compensating for his few months of peace. Even Mu Qingfang’s supposedly infallible anti-nightmare potions can’t work forever. Not that he’ll complain to the man about it, given that he was never given permission to take them in the first place.

(Of course, it’s reasonable to guess that he knows. Shen Qingqiu’s qi deviations decreased at the same time his stores started regularly depleting. His spy network tells him that Mu Qingfang starts making a new batch in time for it to be ready the day Shen Qingqiu steals it, and Mu Qingfang has been making more remarks about how Shen Qingqiu should trust his shidi with any medical problems, as he is the Peak Lord in charge of dealing with such things. Of course, Shen Qingqiu has been very politely telling him to fuck off, but that’s how it always goes.)

Shen Qingqiu is going to assume that the nightmare only happened because Yue Qingyuan annoyed him to the point he forgot to take the potion 2 hours before falling asleep, and instead only took it just before. There is a reason he has a strict rule against intrusions in his home! Well, there’s multiple, but Yue Qingyuan has to be at least three, one way or another. Sadly, being sect leader, he can ignore Shen Qingqiu’s rules. Asshole.

Well, Shen Qingqiu isn’t going to let that affect his day. There’s a peak lord meeting tomorrow, unfortunately, and he needs to start preparations the day before. Problems that An Ding Peak is too inefficient to deal with at the pace they’re worth, Bai Zhan peak causing problems, clearing his time for a mission, because Yue Qingyuan has been wasting too much of it recently, and if he does not get away soon he actually will attack his sect leader with more than words. 

After he readies himself for the day, he calls over Ming Fan, and the brat nearly pulls his own weight. Of course, Shen Qingqiu had to correct his head disciple enough times he nearly ended  up with a headache, but children were annoying in general, that was nothing new. By the end of the day, the preparations are dealt with, his assistant teachers have informed him of what he needs to know about his students’ progress so he can add the good parts to his report, and Yue Qingyuan actually didn’t manage to make it to his bamboo hut. He should employ Ning Yingying to keep their sect leader away more often, she’s unintentionally good at it. 

And, he took the potion on time this time! Fuck you, Yue Qingyuan! This master will actually have a good night’s sleep without your meddling!

~~

Xiao-Jiu was alone, but she didn’t know that.

“Xiao-Jiu, do you like my new hair ribbons?”

“They’re lovely on you, Young Mistress.”

Qiu Haitang pouted, but it was marred by her giggling. “I told you not to call me that when it’s just us! A-Luo isn’t around to nag you for it, you don’t need to be so formal!”

“Yes, Youn- …A-Tang.”

This time her giggles were completely unaffected. She was always delighted when Xiao-Jiu showed how ‘close’ they were, and Xiao-Jiu had no choice but to do as she asked. He wouldn’t dare upset his master’s meimei, after all. 

“I thought Xiao-Jiu would like them! A-Hua said I would look silly, but I knew you would be right!”

How bold of A-Hua! Xiao-Jiu wouldn’t dare say it, even though she was right; Qiu Haitang really did look like a silly, naive little girl, giggling in silly ribbons. An older heart, cracked after too much time in fire, would hate her for the fact she truly was naive. But maybe he would miss that naivety, that innocence that was burned by the same flames. 

But this younger heart, unscorched, had no such burning fury.

“Don’t listen, A-Tang is lovely in any hair ribbons.” Because she was the only person who was kind to him, she was the only one who didn’t knowingly abandon him, and he couldn’t help but feel somewhat fond of her. She was trapped too. She just didn’t know this place was a cage. 

Qiu Haitang cooed. “Xiao-Jiu is always so sweet to this A-Tang!” She walked closer, looking bashful suddenly. “Does Xiao-Jiu…”

Dread. “What does A-Tang ask?” 

Blushing. “D-Does Xiao-Jiu love this A-Tang?”

No! No, he doesn’t! Can he say no, despite how Qiu Jianluo would hate him for breaking her heart? Can he say yes, despite how Qiu Jianluo would hate him for his presumption? He doesn’t know what to say. He needs to say something. He can’t anger her, what should he say?

“Xiao-Jiu is so quiet… does that mean he loves this A-Tang too?”

Fuck! Fuck! 

Ok, he was getting kissed by her now, that’s not too bad, it’s just a light touch, it’s nothing like with her brother–

“Xiao-Jiu! You dare take liberties with Tang-er?”

No! No!

“A-Luo!”

~~

Maybe he should formally complain to Mu Qingfang. Not in person, nothing that would attach his name to anything. An anonymous letter explaining that, after regular usage, the potion would stop eliminating nightmares, and begin to induce more vivid ones. This anonymous person is in no way someone you know, do not say anything about it to Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu! Also, fuck you, fix the problem!

Or, he could fight against Qian Cao Peak’s monthly request for more funds. Fix your damn product before begging! Mu Qingfang knew he was taking them, he could probably connect the dots! Would eliminate the chance of someone recognizing his or Ning Yingying’s calligraphy. He probably shouldn’t only use her to write letters he doesn’t want people to know came from him, it’s becoming too distinctive, meaning that there’s every chance that they’ll all be traced back to him regardless. Still, he can’t think of another person here he can trust.

Or maybe he’s only looking at silly ribbons and naivety. 

The Peak Lord meeting goes as expected. Or, it has the expected outcome given things that he did not expect. Liu Qingge actually shows up for once, and his complete lack of knowledge on what was happening in his sect would be amusing if it wasn’t deeply infuriating. It’s none of your business if he’s recently acquired treatment from Qian Cao Peak that was ineffective, go fuck off into the wilderness again! What happened to respect of your superiors, huh, shidi?

Probably hoping to avoid Liu Qingge trashing his peak during a brawl with Shen Qingqiu, Yue Qingyuan defuses the argument by saying that ‘Shen-shidi does raise a reasonable concern, you shouldn’t fight him over it, please don’t destroy my hall’. He didn’t actually say anything close to that part last, but it was obvious he was thinking it. After all, Shen Qingqiu knew that his concern wasn’t actually reasonable at all, he just wanted to start shit with Mu Qingfang! Liu Qingge, if your disciples can’t be healed after your next beatdown, it’s your fault!

He begins to question if Yue Qingyuan is feeling well when he agrees to instead give the budget increase to Shen Qingqiu. He wasn’t seriously asking for it, he was just trying to come up with an excuse for not wanting Qian Cao Peak to get the budget increase! This master gets enough needless shit from you, Yue Qingyuan! You’re just making this master’s reputation worse!

Unwanted budget increase from Yue Qingyuan, and unwanted scorn from his fellow peak lords secured, Shen Qingqiu skipped his work on Qing Jing Peak and went right to going down the mountain to the Warm Red Pavillion. He deserved a good night’s sleep after that godawful meeting. Not that meetings were ever pleasant, but what had even happened there? And he didn’t take a single anti-nightmare potion, because fuck you Mu Qingfang! The women here were far more comforting than that stupid potion, anyways!

~~

Xiao-Jiu just wanted to be left alone.

He hated when Qiu Jianluo was in a mood to yell at him, to criticize him, to mock him. But it was just words, they didn’t mean anything. He said plenty of words he didn’t mean to Qiu Haitang, there was nothing to prove he was less than a thing. That was honestly one of the easiest moods to deal with, because when it was over, it was over. No pain, other than maybe ringing in his ears. He could just get on with his existence. 

His moods when he wanted to beat Xiao-Jiu were bad, too. Sometimes he’d only beat him a little bit, and the bruises weren’t too hard to hide. Sometimes he’d break a rib, or choke him, and he’d have more trouble keeping that from Qiu Haitang. After all, one of the rules is that if Qiu Jianluo’s precious meimei ever learned what he was like, Xiao-Jiu would probably be killed. Actually, Xiao-Jiu isn’t sure what would happen, but given what his life is already like, that’s all he could think would abate Qiu Jianluo’s fury. It might not even be on purpose, he might just get so angry he’d beat Xiao-Jiu to death by accident. 

But his worst moods were when he was ‘kind’ to Xiao-Jiu. 

How kind of Master to teach his poor slave how to read! How kind of Master to teach his poor slave how to write some characters! How kind of Master to love his slave, to take him into his arms and fuck the life out of him! How kind of Master to give Xiao-Jiu the worst kind of pain, the kind that can’t be explained. 

It’s one thing to say his stomach hurts, that his arms are bruised, because he crashed into something. It’s harder to explain why he can’t walk, why he’s not eating the snacks Qiu Haitang snuck for him, why his jaw broke once. 

“Xiao-Jiu~”

The voice so close to his ear, the hot breath on his neck, causing physical pain due to contrasting with the deep cold down his spine. He can never leave this.

~~

“A-Jiu, did you have a nightmare?”

Ah, it was… one of the ladies of the Warm Red Pavillion. Not… not him.

“...I hope I did not cause meimei trouble.” He recognized the voice now. A-Yan.

A-Yan comfortingly stroked his hair. “Not at all, poor A-Jiu…” 

“...Do not pity me.”

“Ah, A-Jiu, can’t you tell by now we meimei don’t pity you, we’re concerned for you?”

He doesn’t have an answer for that. He doesn’t have an answer for how he somehow had a nightmare while he was here. That didn’t happen anymore, so he thought… Damn ineffective potions! Is he going to get every nightmare he would have gotten in the last few months now?

There’s no point in wasting energy over such things, he has work to do. Drowning himself in work he could just pass onto Ming Fan, the last nightmare begins to lose its grip on him. Huh, maybe that was why Mu Qingfang was a workaholic. He must lose plenty of patients, yet when that happened he just took over more work from his disciples. Or so his spy network told him, and generally such information was reliable. 

He really didn’t feel bad about taking the budget increase. If Yue Qingyuan wanted to waste sect money, that was his decision. 

He hates how emotional he gets when he’s sleep deprived. 

Back to work he goes! He may not actually care about anyone in this shitty sect, except Ning Yingying, but it’s his shitty sect! With plenty of shitty work to do! If any of his shitty disciples bother him now, he’ll definitely make them regret it!

Miracle of miracles, he doesn’t get bothered. Possibly, Ming Fan took one look at him and decided that he had less tolerance for bullshit than usual. He’d be right in that assumption. Whatever the reason, he manages to get work done, and not even one of his guest cultivators came to him with problems. 

To another nightmare he goes!

~~

XIao-Jiu is alone when he falls asleep. Actually, he knows he isn’t Xiao-Jiu right now, but one look at his dream self tells him who he must be. 

Well, unlike in the other nightmares he’s had, he knows he’s asleep. He presumes that this is yet another nightmare regarding Qiu Manor, which really is tiring. He’s had plenty of traumatic experiences, can he switch to a different one?

The answer is Qiu Jianluo’s laughter behind him.

He turns around, then wonders how he did that. It wasn’t as though he moved in the dream, he moved because he wanted to. In other words, he wasn’t an unwilling audience for his own shitty life, this was his mind’s own imaginings. How fun.

“Xiao-Jiu, you’re finally awake.”

Which mood is this? It’s hard to tell. Is Qiu Jianluo so cruel he’s happy? So happy he’s cruel? Well, if Shen Qingqiu is in a dream, he can do what he wants. He can ‘reveal’ his cultivation talent of his youth. He should still have it, right? His stance changes from a frightened one to a fighting stance. Qiu Jianluo only laughs.

“Do you really dare to act in such a way to your master? How impudent!”

Ah. So it’s ‘so angry he’s mad’. Fuck, Shen Qingqiu hated when his master was that mood. 

Qiu Jianluo lunges at him. Shen Qingqiu moves to strike, but Qiu Jianluo effortlessly blocks it. He pins Shen Qingqiu to the ground, oh no, not that, oh thank god he only moved to pull out a knife. A knife?

“Remember, that every part of you is mine to possess.”

Fuck, his upper arm hurts. Wait, he shouldn’t hurt in a dream! Wake up now, please! 

He doesn’t wake up. 

The blood oozes out of the wound, a familiar colour. Qiu Jianluo laughs as he bleeds.

~~

How strangely unsettling. He hasn’t had a dream like that before. The few times he knows he’s dreaming, he can wake up again when he wants. He definitely never feels pain in those dreams. He still feels the phantom pain of being cut, actually.

When he’s prepared himself to face his peak of incompetent annoyances, he steps out of his bamboo hut to find a disciple he hasn’t bothered to learn the name of nearby.

“Shizun!”

“Shouldn’t you be training?”

“Begging this disciple’s forgiveness! This disciple has found vandalism written in-”

“Report such trivialities to your teachers.” It’s too early in the morning for this.

“But, Shizun, it’s written in blood!”

Written in blood? Hmm, worth taking a look.

[inkybinkyboink]

marauders weed headcanons bc guess what baybee??? im a free man motherfucker 🙇🏻

let's get it out of the way, peter hogs the joint. im sorry.

normally this like. doesnt bug me all too much but he's too scared to even smoke it

he just holds it and it just burns away

peter you're wasting good weed!!!

james is excellent at re-lighting the joint without a lighter (or magic)

sirius gets really fucking paranoid if it's not the right strain

remus is stoner extraordinaire (i will die on this hill)

sirius is the best at sneaking food from the kitchens when they all get the munchies

their favorite place to smoke is the shrieking shack

though, i reckon they probably plan their excursions bc can you imagine smoking in the shrieking shack and then realizing you're fucking starving but the castle is like all the way back up the hill

i would die

i would crave death

remus does more weed than the other three

it helps with his chronic pain and i wouldnt be surprised if he has some sort of special prescription for it

i know it's the 70s, but im not abt to figure out the specifics

remus and sirius are each others favorite pillows when they're both high

it helps james get to sleep and stay asleep

peter cant take more than like 3 puffs or else he gets weed shakes

the others will help him stay calm and massage spots on his shoulders to help him relax

i can also see them doing this for sirius though id assume sirius wants remus to do it more than the other two

sirius having a really bad high and remus walking him through it, trying to soothe him to sleep so he can sleep it off

remus having a pain flareup and calling it quits at like 6pm, going to hide somewhere in the castle to smoke and not think about how much his hips hurt

dude. listen. stoner room of requirement.

i mean its. the room of requirement. if im a stoner who requires a comfy place to hide out with a comfy couch and good lighting, in theory that should appear.

peter gets the most munchies

james has the craziest thoughts

sirius falls asleep the quickest

remus is the least anxious

god stoner remus actually makes me feel whole as a person

i feel like remus likes being alone when he's high, more than he likes a blunt rotation

god they rlly are the dream blunt rotation

them talking shit while stoned

when remus indubitably goes to live with sirius at 12 grimmauld place they light a joint "for old times sake"

thats a lie, remus never quit, he just wanted to help sirius unwind

remus helping sirius cope with what happened with him getting falsely convicted and sent to azkaban by smoking a joint with him every night on the steps and just talking

not about prison, or what happened, even

just...talking

about anything sirius wants

it helps him re-familiarize himself with the world around him without getting too spooked.