#out with gender roles!

[snowball-maltese]

I’ve been having some anxiety over stuff I see about trans stuff here on tumblr. Mosty just intrusive thoughts. But I always get uncomfortable when I see stuff about ftm bc it makes me feel self-conscious and anxious. Like I have to do that stuff to be happy. And I’m not trying to say trans people shouldn’t express themselves on this platform bc it makes me uncomfortable. That’s just wrong and disgusting. Everyone should be able to express themselves freely and be able to share their experience here :)

But I feel like sometimes this platform makes me feel like because I like to play as boy characters in games or because I’m attracted to women that I’m trans. Like I almost feel pressured into the LGBTQ. It’s not like people are doing it on purpose. No one is saying “you have to be gay to be normal” but I feel overwhelmed by it sometimes and scared that I might do something drastic that I’ll regret or that I’ll do something that I’ll later realize this isn’t the way I really wanted to present myself.

And after thinking about it a lot, I realized my gender dysphoria is deep rooted and a side effect of my upbringing and society as a whole. I grew up in a household that was pretty old fashioned. My father was 47 when I was born and my mom grew up in the Philippines, which can be conservative about stuff like that. I grew up thinking that only girls can like hello kitty and princesses and that boys can only like superheroes and cars. As a result of having an older parent, I grew up watching some pretty sexist shows without realizing it. I saw women in sitcoms doing girly things and figured since I don’t wanna do that “girly” stuff like doing my makeup that I wanna do boy stuff instead, later coming to believe, because of tumblr, that I might be trans.

I just now realized that this all came from the fact that society, especially in the eyes of people controlling a lot of the world’s economy like toy companies and fashion companies, see women as a certain thing and men in a certain way. Stereotypes of women and girls and stereotypes of men and boys are so normalized in the world we live in that some people don’t even realize they’re present and harmful.

I believe that no one should have to worry about whether they look too “girly” if they’re AMAB or worry about not being “girly” enough if they’re AFAB. I feel like there is a deep flaw in society if a young individual feels pressured by what they see in media about what it means to be a boy and be a girl. And coming onto such a diverse place like Tumblr at a young age such as 14-17, they might connect what they see about gender roles in society and what they see about people transitioning on tumblr (or any platform really, it’s not Tumblr exclusive of course!) and feel like they must be trans because they don’t fit the gender stereotypes of their assigned gender at birth.

People should be able to like whatever they want and not have to worry about feeling like they don’t fit in for liking ponies when they’re “supposed to” like spider man.

People should be able to love wearing clothes that makes them happy. Dresses, suits, hairclips, or ties, no matter their assigned gender at birth!

And if you feel like transitioning is for you, then yes! Go for it! I am so proud that you have fully chosen the path you think is right for you. But I feel like this world is fundamentally flawed if someone has to worry about how they dress or what they like just so they’re “normal” or otherwise they’re trans!

The other day my dad was telling me a story of an individual who was wearing a dress and saying things like “he’s embarrassing himself.” Let the bro wear a dress if they want! Let’s break down the stereotypes of men and women and just let people be people! People shouldn’t have to worry about people going “oh that person is so weird for liking the wrong stuff” “oh that man is so cringe for wearing that necklace” “that girl really should stop pretending to be a boy” I wish all hes, shes, theys and everyone else and in between would be able to express themselves without having to feel scared that they’re doing something wrong by being themselves!

LET PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIVES WITHOUT HAVING TO FEEL PRESSURE BY GENDER ROLES

Tl;dr- Society’s gender stereotypes are harmful to young people who might be having body image problems, and no one should have to feel pressured into thinking they have to transition just because the world thinks they “don’t do the right things” for their gender.

You should love your body the way it is and you should feel comfortable in your own skin! Your body is beautiful just the way it is!

And if you feel changing it is what is best for you, then go for it! Because at the end of the day you are still beautiful no matter what the world thinks you’re doing wrong!

Gender roles do not equal gender identity!

This is just my take of course! I don’t want to offend anyone at all, I am just sharing how I feel about this and what my experience with this topic are. I’m scared to post this… but I feel like it’s important to put out there!

Is anyone still reading this?

[the-crooked-library]

so within the universe of Dune, gender roles abide by a rigid false dichotomy created by the bene gesserit - men lead the noble houses, while the women may join their order, and the powers of both are kept intentionally separate. at the same time, the plot demonstrates repeatedly that the role of paul atreides as a character is that of the border between the concepts juxtaposed within dichotomies: he is both an outerworlder and fremen, both harkonnen and atreides, both a duke and a disciple of the bene gesserit.

as such, it follows that within the in-universe gender structure, he occupies the roles of both male and female, thus being functionally and societally nonbinary. in this essay, i will -

[hey-heigo]

happy pride month

[inkskinned]

there's this video you've probably seen already where a woman is shaking in front of a microphone and delicately tries to ask - how can i make my husband listen to me, i've tried everything, i don't want to seem ungrateful and the other man laughs - the problem is that you married a man, we're only listening 25% of the time and we only understand 5% of that! and the audience laughs and the woman laughs and you just sat there, phone in your hand, letting the sound of it echo

and the thing is that people make think-pieces about it (isn't this one of them) and satire versions and "flipping the script" which is good and fun but at the end of the day, there's some truth in that man's response about men-not-listening. and you have tried to language that feeling for years, this sense that you can only take up 33% of a conversation before others view it as being "dominating".

it's not that they aren't listening, it's that the action they're taking is purposefully silencing. it's different. you accidentally-don't-listen a lot; just because the world is loud and you're distracted. you don't mean anything by it. and the truth is that the man who spoke is relying on that to be true of you; the way it's true of everyone. but there is a different undertone to his kind of not-listening. what he means is they don't respect you and you shouldn't expect them to. there is a difference between oh shit i forgot to take the trash out and why didn't you remind me to do it, just like there is a difference between i didn't realize you wanted to go out this weekend and why do you expect me to plan things why can't you just tell me where we're going.

and the thing is that it isn't just him, and it's actually not just because of your gender - your skin, your class status, your weight, their ableism - it happens often. so often it feels like a tightness around your throat and a weight in your stomach. you're not even "really" allowed to be upset about it, because to them it's a joke. and they laugh. and you know exactly the amount of work that goes into every conversation. how you have to work to condense down your thoughts into intelligent, crisp soundbites; worried someone will try to swoop in and cut you off. and there's this sense from everyone else - oh stop being so sensitive, are you really upset just because they weren't listening and you don't know how to say the way that feels when it happens constantly.

there's that video of the science summit where a woman in the audience finally says let her speak please! and the whole crowd bursts into applause and the man leading the summit holds up his hands and bows his head and says oops, sorry! like what he did was awkward and embarrassing, a little social gaffe that happens easily. later in your meetings, you're asked to take notes, and you don't say anything, you just hear let her speak please! ringing in your head and know that you'll never be brave enough for that kind of thing. and besides. think of all the people who agree this was a one-off, he just got excited and all of the people who say one man is not indicative of all of society

at the dinner table you're talking about someone you don't like and how he's not good to his girlfriend and how she always has to remind him to put the effort in and before him, she was glowing with curiosity and passion but now she just seems... tired, unhappy. that he likes the way she burns out; she stays home and takes care of him and their 2 kids. and your father sniffs and says that men take a while to learn those kinds of things. and you just stare at him and think about your childhood and are like - no wonder i turned out like this

and you want to say - there's no fucking secret school or mystic form of communication. i was not sent to Rearing a Child University. i did not graduate from Getting Chores Done College. i ask questions and i listen and i pay attention, because that's basic fucking human decency. it stems from respect, and how i respect others and their agency. i clean the house because someone should clean. not because it comes "naturally".

hell, you had to google "how to boil an egg" the other day, just because you usually make them scrambled. you can never remember which of the 2 bathroom cleaners make chlorine gas, only that two of them definitely do. you've accidentally bleached your clothes. it took you like 3 years of self-teaching before you figured out how to actually cook things correctly - for that whole time, you burnt or undercooked everything. but you did teach yourself; just like you taught yourself how to listen with empathy. just like how you taught yourself to think before you speak. to be kind first, to be better at communicating. it seemed like a good thing, an adult thing.

the joke the man in the video makes is that women say i'm fine! when they are not fine. and you think about the 150 conversations that happened around that; about how she probably has had so many arguments with her husband. how she said i'm upset you don't take me anywhere and he got mad at her because of course i do, you made me go to that stupid restaurant like last week and she probably said that's not what i'm saying and he said now i'm supposed to be psychic or something and she said no of course not and he said how am i supposed to know what to do when you don't even like everything and she said i do like things and he said well how am i supposed to win? and her pastor probably told her to be more grateful because they do things at all, even if she has to plan them and her mom probably told her that's just how men are honey and she probably cried over her journal, trying to figure out why the fuck she "has everything" and is still so bitterly, horribly unhappy

and how, in your life, for so many reasons, you looked down the barrel of another argument; of explaining yourself and being vulnerable and begging for help again. how many times you just said i'm fine because it was better than doing that again; it was better than wringing yourself out when it's literally easier to just pretend. because he wasn't going to listen. your father wasn't going to be better and your boyfriend wasn't going to be better and your boss wasn't going to be more respectful.

and you sit in front of a video of a woman shaking, looking horrible and guilt-wrought that she's even asking this question. and you know; deep in your heart - that's you. in a different life, you are her. you've stood in her spot. and you had to listen while someone else cackled - why would we bother to notice when you talk?

[1v31182m5]

"The author of the journals, my Sister"

comms open :3

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

with Luo Qingyang and Lou Binghe having the same last name I got start thinking of an au: like what if lbh was her little brother

tho what's funnier lbh in the mdzs universe or that means tlj is lou qingyangs dad in that au

I wanted to give this a genuine answer but I kept getting distracted by Lou Binghe...so...yeah.

[royaltea000]

[jttw swk oc children] tried out giving them some new clothes but I dunno bout this one… 🤔

Prev:

[chawliekin]

and if I said that dennis’ insistence on being the breadwinner/provider despite literally being a pampered princess who dgaf about traditional roles of masculinity in every other regard (aside from ego) is because his mom only stayed with/chose frank for his wealth and dennis is highly aware that he’s difficult to love and unable to show his emotions openly so he has to be contributing something to the relationship materially in order to feel like he’s worth staying for… and mac grew up with parents who were extremely ambivalent to him and eachother so he has to overcompensate by proving his worth at every given moment and seeking praise/validation from people (and religious icons) who will never demonstrate the same amount of dedication to him but he has no idea how else to desperately keep himself close to those he loves other than by eroding himself into something they’ll approve of… dear god they’re both exactly what the other needs — someone who can’t and won’t leave them even if they try — and they don’t even see it…

[songs-from-the-basement]

gentle reminder that you don't need to be cis to be gnc

mtf tomboys who are super jacked and only wear gym clothes or tank tops are still women

ftm femboys who present as very soft, and like doing their makeup and wearing dresses are still men

[katabay]

”—ah. seems like mother goose has been playing around in your egg salad. if you won’t dance to that tune, I got others.”

honestly, the would you kindly scene is whatever to me*, code yellow is the more interesting violation/betrayal of the body because of how beautifully it escalates the Fontaine reveal/betrayal and shows how ugly some of those ‘locks and keys’ that Tenenbaum mentions are. not only have you been a tool in another man’s hand this entire time, it goes deeper. your body is not your own.

*there used to be a meandering thought here about the would you kindly scene, but it was really just talking around the fact that I spent way too many years seeing people discuss it in the most insufferable and reductive ways possible when it’s a combination of three or four other things that make that moment compelling lmao

collage credits: heart one/heart two

⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / tip jar!

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

i think it’s very important that curly's an extremely flawed person who has misogynistic biases, but also, like, not an inherently terrible or ill meaning one. curly is the average man in a patriarchal system, basically- he benefits from the system and sees it as normal and as such perpetuates it. he genuinely wants to help anya and wasn’t trying to throw her to the wolves but his deeply ingrained ideas that his friend couldn’t do something so horrible (bc rape has to be this monstrous evil thing that’s only done by monsters who hurt everyone in their path, right?) and that anya must be in some way over-emotional and in need of calming down more than legit protection lead to him basically doing that. he isn’t trying to cause harm, but he's a reflection of the harmful system he comes from. even genuinely well meaning men participate in the patriarchy, and conversely, the patriarchy self-cannibalises to stay alive. it as a system ultimately did not save curly from abuse because it’s not designed to. the system needs abusive men, as much as it needs passive enforcers, and it doesn’t particularly care who those men brutalise if it keeps women down.

[laniidae-passerine]

Louis is such a Catholic good girl btw. Gets courted by a wealthy gentleman for months before they even kiss. Married in a church. Gets himself a precious baby daughter because he’s been dreaming of that perfect family since he was a little girl. Loyal to his man not even multiple deaths can separate them. Says Hail Mary like fifty billion times to cancel out the anal sex he keeps pretending he didn’t enjoy but also calls that dick his personal black tar heroin. Gonna lie to everybody he meets including himself. Feels guilt for a century about things that weren’t his fault but also kinda doesn’t give a shit about the things he did do. God’s gonna see him through <3

[cry-ptidd]

How to serve a man

[froggerland]

And then I do neither of those

[langernameohnebedeutung]

.

[majimaisms]

absolutely fascinating to me that this is what majima thinks makoto wants/needs to hear. considering how much he's projecting onto her, and how he sees her as a version of himself, i think one of the logical conclusions to draw here is that this is what majima wants to hear. he wants to be told that someone will be there beside him and that they'll keep him safe no matter what happens.

and she's having none of it. because she is actually too much like majima. she acts as a perfect mirror. and certainly, there's an interpretation of this as majima underestimating her, not giving her enough credit, but i think it's also possible that he's just projecting. believing that this is what she needs to hear doesn't mean he thinks any less of her, just that she is too much like him. his double standard then becomes a matter of something more akin to self-recognition through the other, rather than something that can be boiled down to misogyny.

but here's where things get interesting. this implies that whatever "similarity" exists between them, at least in terms of how self-reliant they are, how "independent" they are, is an illusion. that it's not that makoto is actually too much like majima -- it's that she's the ideal that majima is aspiring to. makoto at this point in the story is a genuine example of what majima only appears to be, was forced to be, and perhaps resents having to be. because why go out of your way, over and over again, to shelter people you strongly identify with (as opposed to just people you care about) if you don't believe it's something everyone, if given the choice, would choose? to have someone to "keep them safe no matter what happens"?

it's the kind of baseline assumption that people make when they think everyone who's a lot like them is exactly like them. a very common pitfall. but he's wrong.

she proves his assumptions wrong. she does not, when given the opportunity, choose that. she asks him to kill dojima and his lieutenants, because she has convinced herself it's what tachibana would've wanted, and she's had enough of people trying to solve her problems for her by protecting or sheltering her, without her input. "helping" makoto has to be done on her terms now. and the first words to come out of her mouth as she's dying? expressing shame for failing to accomplish her goals on her own. for not being able to be self-reliant enough.

and majima tried to discourage her from taking revenge on the dojima family because it's "not who she is," and he "can't imagine that's who her brother was." because he sees her as better than himself, too good, too pure, too soft, and he wants to preserve that in her. and this time it's because he thinks they're too different. but he's actually wrong again. he's both not giving himself enough credit here, and giving her too much. because he's uncharitable to himself, and too charitable to her. but they are the same in this. and the moment she's in danger, he's the one seeking vengeance, for her, in her stead, just like she did with tachibana.

they both think the ultimate sacrifice you can make in the name of love is to compromise your values, your principles. do the unspeakable thing, do the "wrong" thing, as long as that's what it takes to keep your loved ones safe.

it takes sera spelling it out to majima that bloodying his hands for makoto's sake will hurt her more than it will help her to stop him killing dojima. and majima goes ballistic at the suggestion that even the ultimate sacrifice is not enough to protect her, to save her from a lifetime of being a target for the tojo. (an organization he has sworn unwavering loyalty to, by the way, and is trying to crawl back into.)

majima's "hannya" side has never been about his own retaliation, his own revenge. it's always been for the sake of people he cares about, and makoto is the most prominent example of this. but more importantly, she also is exactly like this. majima lists nishitani, sagawa and lee as the people he learned from in y0. and they certainly were the people he modeled mad dog after and learned important life lessons from. but i think #1 on that list is and always will be makoto, followed by sera. because he would never have found the strength to become mad dog if he had not watched makoto do it first.

makoto has a level of emotional strength that majima lacks but is drawn to and inspired by. her whole life, she has been protected by "older brothers" who took care of her like a little sister -- tachibana, lee, majima. she has had to fight for her independence to be recognized.

majima has had no one. he's too independent. but it's not by choice. and he wants to be protected and taken care of. this is the one thing they are opposites in and i think what makes them such compelling parallels and contrasts to each other, as well as people who had a lot to learn from each other but ultimately needed the exact opposite of what they could give each other. yakuza 0 the game that you are