#ourselves and our connection to others all the way back to the first life on this planet

[bywandandsword]

You ever, like, look at your hand or other body part, the veins under your skin or the movement of your fingers and just, be awestruck about the chain of events that led to your being created, evolving into such an intensely complex body. All the muscles being used to move my hand, all the neurons firing off, a lot of it without my conscious thought, the fine motor control that these limbs can have. And then all the social meanings behind it. The hands of my grandma making dinner, the hands my mom braiding my hair, the arms of my dad holding me when I left home for the first time, and how these patterns were replicated in some form, long before we were even human. Our bodies and their histories and their meanings are such intricate, beautiful things

[mywhisperingwords]

old habits die screaming | fred g. weasley

summary: you move in with your ex, what could go wrong? word count: 7.9k masterlist

Living with your ex-boyfriend can only be a mistake, right?

It had been almost a year since you and Fred decided to end your relationship. You were better off as you had started—as friends.

It wasn’t easy at first. The wounds were fresh, the silences heavy, and the fights far too frequent. But somehow, you worked through it together.

After plenty of arguments, tears, and a lot of healing, you reached a point where you could be in the same room without feeling the overwhelming urge to run away.

If it had been anyone else, you wouldn’t have fought so hard. But this was Fred. Your friendship with him had always been the most important bond in your life, and losing it wasn’t an option.

Looking back, you were glad you’d chosen to fight for that connection. Sitting now in the corner booth of your favorite pub, surrounded by friends and laughter, you couldn’t stop the wide grin spreading across your face as Fred spoke.

You could’ve jumped into his arms at his offer.

A week ago, your life had imploded spectacularly: you’d been kicked out of your flat two days after losing your job. The domino effect of disaster left you crashing on your friends’ couches, hopping from one uncomfortable sofa to another.

And while you loved your friends dearly, the experience was testing your patience, your self-esteem, and your spine.

That’s when Fred, in typical Fred fashion, swooped in with the most ridiculous yet perfect solution.

“You could stay at my place,” he’d said, a casual shrug accompanying the suggestion. “I’ve got an extra room since George moved in with his ball and chain.”

The table erupted in laughter, Angelina rolling her eyes at his choice of words, but you barely noticed. All you could focus on was Fred’s familiar grin and the weight of the offer hanging in the air.

“Are you sure?” you asked, the hesitation in your voice giving away the doubts swirling in your head. “It could get… awkward, you know. With us… well, you know…”

Fred didn’t miss a beat. “We’re friends, aren’t we? I think we can do a pretty solid job of keeping our hands to ourselves.” Then, with a mischievous glint in his eye, he leaned closer. “Unless there’s something you want to tell me?”

He wiggled his eyebrows at you in that infuriatingly playful way he always did.

You couldn’t help but huff out a laugh, the tension in your chest easing as his old, familiar comfort washed over you.

The conversation quickly shifted, but the decision had been made.

What could possibly go wrong with moving in with your ex?

&

Not long after that night at the pub, you found yourself in George’s old room, surrounded by far too many boxes and not nearly enough energy to deal with them. Each box seemed to mock you with its disorganized contents, and you stood there, hands on your hips, debating whether to start with clothes, books, or the sentimental knick-knacks you didn’t even remember packing.

Before you could decide, Fred’s head popped around the doorframe. “Fancy some dinner?”

You sighed in relief, your indecision instantly forgotten. “Please. Anything to escape this chaos.”

Fred grinned, disappearing down the hall. You followed him into the small kitchen, where he was already busy at the stove, stirring something in a pan that smelled faintly of garlic and herbs. You sank into one of the chairs at the tiny dining table, resting your chin in your hand as you watched him work.

For a moment, the scene felt so familiar it almost hurt. It pulled you back to all those nights when the two of you had cooked together, laughing over burnt toast or spilled sauce, stealing bites from each other’s plates.

But things were different now. There was a distance between you—a carefully constructed wall you’d both built, brick by painful brick, to protect what remained of your friendship.

You could only hope that wall wouldn’t close in on you.

Fred placed two plates on the table with a flourish, pulling you out of your thoughts. “Ta-da. I call it ‘whatever-was-in-the-fridge pasta.’ A Fred Weasley original.”

You laughed, grateful for the lightness he always managed to bring.

Dinner was simple but comforting, the kind of meal that settled warmly in your chest. The two of you slipped into an easy rhythm, trading jokes and stories like old times. You found yourself laughing more than you had in weeks, the stress of everything—your flat, your job, your entire mess of a life—fading away, if only for a little while.

For the first time since it all fell apart, you felt at peace. You glanced at Fred across the table, his familiar lopsided grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, and thought that maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be okay.

How wrong you had been.

&

It was on a crisp autumn morning, just a fortnight since you’d moved in, that the thought first crept into your mind:

This was a mistake.

It was a fleeting moment, almost insignificant, but it clung stubbornly to the edges of your thoughts, refusing to be shaken loose.

Since you didn’t have much to do aside from scouring the job listings and managing the mess of boxes still scattered in your room, you had the luxury of sleeping in most mornings.

Fred, on the other hand, wasn’t so fortunate. Running the shop demanded early starts and long hours, which meant you rarely crossed paths until the evenings.

It was working.

Or at least, it had been.

Until this morning.

You shuffled into the sunlit kitchen, still half-asleep, the smell of coffee pulling you forward like a siren’s call. But as you reached the doorway, you froze, your breath catching somewhere in your throat.

Fred stood at the stove, his back to you, clad in nothing but his briefs.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t seen him like this before—you had. Too many times to count. But that was different. Back then, he’d been yours.

Now?

Now, you didn’t know where to look.

Your heart stumbled over itself as your gaze drifted, unbidden, tracing the familiar lines of his body—the broad curve of his shoulders, the strong planes of his back, the way his muscles shifted as he moved.

And then he turned.

A smirk spread across his face, that maddeningly familiar, cocky smirk, as he held up a spatula. “Eggs?” he asked casually, as if nothing about this moment was unusual.

You blinked, feeling rooted to the spot, your mouth suddenly dry.

There was something so mundane about it—Fred cooking breakfast in his kitchen. And yet, something about it reached deep inside you and pulled. Hard.

It was too easy to imagine this being your life again. Waking up late, wandering into the kitchen to find him there, teasing you while he cooked. The scene was almost domestic, dangerously so, and it sent your mind spiraling down a path you didn’t want to take.

Because it wasn’t real. Not anymore.

Your gaze drifted, unwelcome memories forcing their way into your mind. The way his hands now gripping the frying pan had once held your hips, firm and possessive. The way his bare skin had felt against yours in the dim light of his bedroom.

Your breath hitched, and you snapped yourself out of it, gripping the doorframe as if the wood could anchor you to reality.

You had no right to think of him like that anymore.

Clearing your throat, you forced a shaky smile and stepped further into the kitchen. “Don’t you own a shirt?”

Fred grinned, unbothered by your obvious fluster. “Not when I’m cooking,” he quipped, flipping the eggs with a practiced ease. “Adds a bit of danger to the whole process, don’t you think?”

You rolled your eyes, hoping he couldn’t see the way your cheeks burned. “Or maybe it’s just lazy,” you shot back, trying to sound unaffected as you grabbed a mug and poured yourself some coffee.

Fred chuckled, low and warm, and for a second, you let yourself bask in the sound. It had always been your favorite.

But then his voice broke the moment. “What’s got you up so early anyway?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” you said, sipping your coffee to avoid looking at him.

“Hmm,” he murmured, as if he didn’t entirely believe you, but thankfully, he didn’t press.

The conversation shifted to easier topics, and you tried to focus on his words, on anything other than the fact that he was standing so close, so familiar, and yet so utterly out of reach.

But even after he left for the shop, the image of him standing there, half-dressed and utterly at ease, stayed with you.

And for the rest of the day, that tiny, insignificant moment stuck to the edges of your mind, whispering the truth you didn’t want to admit.

Maybe this wasn’t working.

Maybe this had been a mistake after all.

&

The first snow of the season came unexpectedly.

You were sitting at the kitchen table, distractedly flipping through another edition of the Daily Prophet job listings, when Fred came bursting through the door, his hair dusted with flakes, a triumphant grin plastered across his face.

“It’s snowing!” he announced, shaking the cold off like an overexcited puppy.

You looked up, startled, and frowned at the wet footprints trailing in behind him. “Fred, you’re getting the floor all—”

“Forget the floor! Come outside!”

“Fred, I don’t even have shoes on—”

Before you could protest further, he grabbed your hand and tugged you out of your chair, pulling you toward the door.

“Fred!” you yelped as the cold air hit you, your socks instantly soaked when you stepped out onto the snowy stoop.

But you didn’t have time to be annoyed. Fred was already crouched down, packing a snowball with the expertise of someone who’d been doing it his entire life. He grinned up at you, mischievous and boyish, the sight of it almost enough to steal your breath.

“Oh, no,” you said, holding up your hands. “Don’t even think about—”

Before you could finish, the snowball hit you square in the chest, exploding into a flurry of cold, powdery shards.

“Fred!”

You didn’t even think. Instinct took over, and within seconds you were scooping up your own handful of snow, chasing him as he darted out into the yard.

The next few minutes were filled with laughter and shouted threats, snow flying as the two of you ducked and weaved around the garden like children. The world beyond the snow-covered fence seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you and the soft crunch of your footsteps.

Eventually, you managed to tackle Fred into a snowbank, both of you collapsing in a heap, breathless and grinning.

“You’re ruthless,” he said, brushing snow out of his hair.

“You started it,” you countered, trying to catch your breath.

Fred tilted his head to look at you, his eyes warm and sparkling with mischief. “Maybe I just wanted an excuse to see you smile like that.”

Your heart skipped a beat, the weight of his words settling between you. But before you could overthink it, he reached out and gently brushed a snowflake off your cheek.

For a moment, everything else melted away.

It felt like old times—the way you used to laugh together, the easy intimacy that had always been so uniquely yours.

“God, I missed this,” you murmured without thinking, your voice barely above a whisper.

Fred’s smile faltered, just for a moment, and something unreadable flickered in his eyes. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Me too.”

The warmth of the moment lingered, but then Fred’s hand fell away, his gaze shifting to the snow-covered ground.

“But we both know how it ends,” he said quietly, his voice tinged with a sadness that made your chest ache.

Reality crashed back in like a cold gust of wind. The fragile bubble of warmth and laughter popped, leaving you both shivering in its absence.

He stood up first, brushing the snow off his trousers, and offered you a hand.

“Come on,” he said, forcing a smile. “You’re going to catch a cold if we stay out here.”

You hesitated, then took his hand, letting him pull you to your feet.

As you walked back toward the house, the distance between you felt heavier than it had in weeks.

&

In early winter, you slipped up for the first time.

It started like any other day, except that another owl swooped through the window with yet another rejection letter. The sight of it sitting on the kitchen counter—crisp, neat, and utterly damning—felt like the final nail in the coffin of your hopes.

You didn’t even have the strength to open it.

By mid-afternoon, you were curled up on the sofa, a blanket draped over your legs, staring blankly out the window. The world beyond seemed vibrant, crisp leaves dancing in the wind, golden light bathing the streets below. But you felt none of it.

The warmth of the blanket couldn’t touch the cold knot in your chest.

Hopeless. That’s what you felt. Like a failure, floundering without direction, your life reduced to waiting for scraps of acknowledgment from people who didn’t even know you.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

You hadn’t moved from the sofa by the time Fred came home late that night. You heard the familiar creak of the door and the soft shuffle of his boots as he tried not to wake you. But the moment he walked into the room, silhouetted by the dim hallway light, something inside you snapped.

The tears you’d been holding at bay all day broke free.

Fred froze, the exhaustion on his face melting into concern. “Hey,” he murmured, crossing the room in a few quick strides. “What’s wrong?”

You couldn’t even find the words to answer. You only shook your head, a sob catching in your throat, as he sat down beside you. His arms wrapped around you immediately, pulling you against his chest like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, resting his chin lightly on the top of your head. “Let it out.”

And you did.

You sobbed into him, every frustration and doubt from the past few weeks pouring out in hot, silent tears. His hand moved gently against your back, soothing without a word, while his other arm stayed securely around your shoulders, grounding you.

For the first time in weeks, you didn’t feel alone.

“I can’t do this anymore,” you whimpered finally, your voice small and raw.

Fred’s grip tightened, his lips brushing your temple in an almost unconscious gesture of comfort. “Yes, you can,” he said softly. His voice was steady, unwavering, the kind of certainty you couldn’t find in yourself right now.

You shook your head, your hands gripping the front of his jumper like it was the only thing keeping you tethered.

He didn’t argue further, just held you tighter, letting the weight of his presence speak louder than words.

Eventually, the tears stopped, but the ache in your chest didn’t. You stayed like that for what felt like hours, curled into him, your breathing slowly matching the steady rise and fall of his chest.

When you finally pulled away, he caught your hand before you could retreat too far. “Come on,” he said, his voice gentle but firm.

You blinked at him, confused. “Where?”

“My bed,” he said simply. “You need a good night’s sleep, and I’m not letting you spend another second crying on that damn sofa.”

You wanted to argue that he did not have to do that, that you had your own bed across the hallway, but you didn’t have the energy. And maybe, deep down, you didn’t want to.

So, for the first time since you’d moved in, you found yourself in Fred’s bed.

It shouldn’t have felt as natural as it did. The way he curled around you, his arm slung protectively across your waist, the steady rhythm of his breathing against your back—it was too easy to sink into it, to let yourself believe, for one fleeting moment, that nothing had changed.

But everything had.

You told yourself this would be the last time.

You should’ve known how dangerous it was to live with your ex. There was a line you weren’t supposed to cross, and you’d already been skirting too close to it for weeks.

Now, you’d crossed it entirely.

And yet, as you drifted off to sleep in the safety of his arms, you couldn’t bring yourself to regret it. Not yet.

&

One cold winter morning, Fred was running late for work.

The flat was quiet except for the soft crackle of the fireplace, and you sat curled up on the sofa, cradling a steaming mug of tea in your hands. Meanwhile, Fred was tearing through the living room like a tornado, muttering to himself as he hunted for the various pieces of his wardrobe that were inexplicably scattered across the room.

“If only you knew what a closet is,” you murmured, hiding a smile behind your mug as he dropped to his knees, peering under the chair.

Fred shot you a mock glare, his brows furrowing in exaggerated offense. “No need. There’s order in chaos, love,” he replied, triumphantly holding up a lone sock as if it were a Quidditch trophy.

You snorted, setting your tea on the coffee table and reaching for the Daily Prophet. “Your chaos is just chaos, Fred.”

“Pff,” he scoffed, tugging on the sock and hopping on one foot as he tried to pull on his boot. “I don’t have time to argue with you—” He paused, glancing at his watch. His eyes widened in alarm. “Merlin’s beard, the shop was supposed to open—forty minutes ago!”

You raised an eyebrow, watching him stumble around the room with his hair sticking up in every direction and his jumper only halfway over his head. He looked utterly ridiculous, yet there was something about the scene that made your stomach flip. Maybe it was the way the morning light caught the freckles on his nose, or maybe it was the way his laughter used to sound against your ear—

No. You stopped that thought dead in its tracks.

But your mind betrayed you anyway, pulling you into memories of soft skin beneath your fingertips, rough hands tugging at the small of your back, and whispered words that once felt like promises.

The invisible lines you’d so carefully drawn between you had been blurred too many times now to count, and no amount of scolding yourself could erase the heat creeping up your neck.

“You’d better hurry, then,” you said, your voice raspier than intended. You cleared your throat, praying he wouldn’t notice the way your cheeks burned as you avoided his gaze.

“Right,” he muttered distractedly, grabbing his scarf from the armchair. His movements were quick, thoughtless, like second nature. But then—

He leaned down and kissed you.

It was brief, instinctive, and utterly devastating. The soft press of his lips against yours lasted no longer than a heartbeat, a fleeting goodbye born of muscle memory.

And then he was gone.

The door clicked shut behind him, and you sat frozen, staring at the empty space he had stood in just seconds before.

You couldn’t move, couldn’t think. It was as if the world had tilted off its axis, throwing everything you thought you understood into question.

It had felt strangely right—so natural it almost didn’t register at first. But the more the moment replayed in your mind, the more you felt the weight of it.

Because it was wrong. So, so wrong.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Which was exactly what you told Alicia as you sat in the old, familiar pub.

The words spilled out in a rush—disjointed and jumbled—until you finally reached the part where Fred kissed you that morning. You hesitated then, your hands twisting in your lap, afraid to meet her gaze.

You already knew what you’d see there. That look of hers, the one that was a mixture of concern and pity, like she could already see you running headfirst into a brick wall.

The last thing you wanted was to hear her confirm what you were already screaming at yourself: that this was a mistake.

So instead of looking at her, you let your gaze wander across the pub, drawn like a magnet to the figure at the bar. Fred.

It was always him.

He hadn’t seen you yet, and for a moment, you let yourself watch him, trying to process the pull you felt every time he was near. That same pull that had existed when you were together and hadn’t let up since. If anything, it had grown stronger, tighter, like a thread wrapped around your ribcage, making it difficult to breathe.

You hadn’t spoken to him since this morning. The weight of the moment between you still hung in the air, unresolved and suffocating. You were too afraid to ask him about it, too afraid of what excuse he’d offer to explain it away.

Because talking about it would make it real. And you hated real.

Fred leaned casually against the bar, chatting with the bartender when a woman approached him—a woman with wide eyes and an even wider smile. She laughed at something he said, the kind of laugh that was too loud, too eager, and she placed her hand on his arm as if she’d known him forever.

Your stomach dropped.

It was as if the room tilted, the walls closing in on you as a bitter thought crept into your mind: Maybe this has already become too real.

You tightened your grip on your glass, trying to focus on Alicia’s voice, but her words faded into background noise. Your eyes were glued to the woman at the bar, to Fred’s easy grin, to the casual charm he wielded so effortlessly.

And for a brief, searing moment, you wanted to march over there and pull them apart. But you didn’t.

You couldn’t.

Because no matter how much it hurt, you had no claim on him.

You downed your drink in one go, the burn in your throat dulling the ache in your chest just slightly. Turning back to Alicia, you tried to force yourself to listen, to focus, but your gaze betrayed you. It kept drifting back to Fred, your thoughts spiraling further into chaos.

Later that night, you walked into the flat right behind Fred.

The silence was heavy, broken only by the rustle of coats as you hung yours on the rack. You wanted to let it go, to shove your feelings aside and leave the night behind you. But you couldn’t stop yourself.

“So,” you began, your voice sharper than intended, “you seemed to have had fun tonight.”

Fred froze for a fraction of a second, his back to you. Then he turned, his expression guarded but not unkind. He opened his mouth, almost as if to apologize, but you didn’t let him.

“Don’t worry,” you said quickly, cutting him off before he could say something that would make it worse. “I wouldn’t get in your way.”

Fred’s brows knitted together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

You folded your arms, leaning back against the wall as if the nonchalant stance would keep you from unraveling. “If you wanted to bring someone home,” you said, each word tasting like poison, “I wouldn’t get in your way.”

There was a flicker of something in his eyes then—something raw and vulnerable—but it disappeared almost instantly, buried beneath a mask of indifference.

“Right,” he said slowly, his voice unusually flat. “I’m guessing that goes for you too, correct?”

Your throat tightened, and for a moment, all you wanted was to scream No, it doesn’t. It never will. There’s no one else I want but you.

But you couldn’t say that.

Because you were friends.

And friends didn’t feel this way.

“Yeah,” you muttered instead, the lie twisting like a knife in your chest.

Fred held your gaze for a moment longer, his expression unreadable. Then he nodded, turning on his heel. “Then it’s settled,” he said quietly, walking toward his room.

He paused at the door, his back still to you. “Good night.”

And then he was gone, leaving you alone with the suffocating weight of everything left unsaid.

It was only until later that night, when the mess of your mind was keeping you up that you realized neither one of you had addressed the kiss.

&

The conversation clung to the edges of your mind, never quite letting go.

You hated that about Fred—you could never completely shut him out, even when you desperately wanted to.

Still, you tried to forget about it, preferably with some liquor and a good time with your friends. But fate had other plans.

It was a Friday night when Alicia called you to announce, in dramatic detail, that her food poisoning was “worse than a dragon pox outbreak,” and Angelina owled that she was stuck at work late.

That meant you had the flat to yourself. Just you and your thoughts. Merlin, you hated it.

After pacing the living room for a while and deciding that drinking alone wasn’t a good look, you grabbed a book and sank onto the sofa.

Reading was supposed to be a distraction, but the words blurred right in front of your eyes. Your mind kept wandering—to Fred. Specifically, to Fred tonight before he left.

His stupidly tight shirt. The way it clung to his arms, leaving very little to the imagination. His hair, just the right amount of messy, like he had spent hours perfecting that careless look. And his cologne—that intoxicating mix of spice and citrus that lingered in the air long after he was gone.

You cursed yourself.

You were halfway through debating whether to make tea or wallow in self-pity when you heard it—the sound of a key in the lock.

Your heart sank.

Why was Fred home already?

And then you heard her voice.

A woman’s voice.

Your pulse quickened as you bolted upright, looking around in a panic. You needed to escape. Now.

But before you could make it to your room, the door swung open, and you were trapped. The only viable hiding spot was the narrow space behind the sofa. It wasn’t your proudest moment, but you dove behind it anyway, crouching low and praying Fred wouldn’t notice you.

The woman sauntered into the living room, plopping onto the sofa with a cheerful sigh. Meanwhile, Fred’s footsteps padded toward the kitchen.

This was the worst night of your life.

You crouched there, frozen, as the woman began talking about something you couldn’t quite make out. Probably complimenting his laugh or his eyes or his stupidly perfect shoulders.

And Fred? Fred was doing exactly what you told him he could do—move on. See other people. Be happy.

So why did it feel like your lungs were caving in?

He returned a moment later, a drink in hand, and you peeked around the edge of the sofa. He sat down beside her, too close for your liking, and started talking about some prank he used to pull at Hogwarts.

“Oh, back in school, George and I used to—”

You rolled your eyes before you could stop yourself. His story wasn’t even that funny. Or maybe it was, but you were too busy hating every second of this.

The woman’s laugh, high-pitched and syrupy, pierced the air. “You’re hilarious,” she giggled, leaning toward him.

Fred gave her a grin—the kind that made your heart ache.

You clenched your fists. This was fine. Completely fine. Totally normal behavior for two adults living together who happened to have a romantic history.

And then she said it: “Why don’t we take this party someplace else?”

Her voice was laced with suggestion, and you saw Fred freeze for a fraction of a second, his grin faltering.

Before you could stop yourself, you shot up like a Whomping Willow branch.

“Wait!”

The woman shrieked, nearly spilling her drink, and Fred whipped his head around, his expression morphing from shock to confusion.

“I, um…” You scrambled for an excuse, heat rushing to your face. “I think I lost my wand. Somewhere… in the sofa cushions.” You pointed vaguely at the seat beside her.

Fred’s brow furrowed. “You… lost your wand in the sofa?”

“Yes. Definitely. It, uh, slipped out of my pocket earlier.”

The woman stared at you like you were a particularly odd blast-ended skrewt, and Fred just blinked, his lips twitching like he was fighting back a laugh.

“Well, don’t just stand there,” you said, desperate to fill the awkward silence. “Help me look!”

Fred sighed, running a hand through his hair, but he obliged, leaning over to pat the cushions while the woman scooted a little farther away, clearly uncomfortable.

“This is… awkward,” she muttered, gathering her purse.

You couldn’t agree more.

“Well, I think I’ll just… leave you to it,” she added, standing up and smoothing her skirt.

Fred straightened, looking vaguely annoyed. “You don’t have to—”

“Oh, no, it’s fine,” she cut him off, already halfway to the door. “Maybe another time.”

The door clicked shut behind her, leaving you alone with Fred in the now painfully quiet living room.

Fred turned to you slowly, arms crossed, his expression unreadable but definitely not pleased.

“So,” he drawled, voice thick with sarcasm. “Your wand, huh? Convenient timing, don’t you think?”

You clenched your jaw, heat rising to your cheeks. “I didn’t mean—”

“Oh, no, of course not,” he interrupted, stepping closer, his voice sharp. “Why would you mean to scare off the first person I’ve gone out with in over a year?”

“I didn’t scare her off!” you shot back, folding your arms defensively.

Fred arched an eyebrow, his tone cutting. “Really? Because hiding behind the sofa and then jumping out like a deranged jack-in-the-box wasn’t at all intimidating.”

You winced but refused to back down. “Maybe if you weren’t so quick to bring random women home, I wouldn’t have been caught off guard!”

Fred let out a bitter laugh, running a hand through his hair. “Right. That’s rich coming from you. You’re the one who said this—” He gestured between the two of you. “—was supposed to be fine. You’re the one who told me to meet other people. So excuse me for trying to have a life outside of… whatever the hell this is.”

Your chest tightened at his words, anger bubbling under your skin. “I’m not the one bringing strangers into our home like it’s some—some bachelor pad!”

Fred’s eyes narrowed, his voice dropping into something lower, more dangerous. “Our home? That’s funny, because it feels a hell of a lot like my home, and you’re just squatting here until you figure out what to do with your life.”

The words hit like a slap, and for a moment, you couldn’t breathe.

“How dare you,” you hissed, stepping closer until you were nearly toe-to-toe with him.

Fred didn’t back away, his jaw tight and his eyes stormy. “Well, if the shoe fits…”

“I’m not some charity case, Fred!” you snapped, your voice trembling with the weight of everything unsaid. “You think I wanted to be here, living with you, watching you move on while I’m stuck—”

You stopped yourself, but it was too late. The words hung in the air, heavy and suffocating.

Fred’s gaze softened for a fraction of a second, and then his expression hardened again. “Stuck on what? Me?” he demanded, his voice rising.

You didn’t answer, but the silence spoke volumes.

Fred let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “Merlin, you’re unbelievable. You don’t want me to move on, but you don’t want me either. What the hell do you want, then?”

“I don’t know!” you shouted, the admission tearing from your throat. “I don’t know, Fred, okay? All I know is that seeing you with her—hearing her laugh, watching her touch you—it made me want to scream.”

Fred stared at you, his chest heaving, his eyes dark and unreadable. “You don’t get to do this,” he said, his voice low and dangerous. “You don’t get to be jealous. Not after you ended it.”

Your heart pounded, your body thrumming with anger and something else you didn’t want to name. “It took two, didn’t it?”

The tension between you was suffocating, the air thick with everything you’d been avoiding for weeks.

Fred’s gaze flickered to your lips, and for one reckless moment, you thought he might kiss you.

And then he did.

It wasn’t gentle or sweet—it was angry, desperate, a clash of teeth and lips and frustration. You didn’t hesitate to kiss him back, your hands tangling in his hair as he backed you against the wall, his body pressing into yours like he couldn’t get close enough.

“This is a mistake,” you whispered against his lips, even as your hands tugged at his shirt.

“Probably,” Fred muttered, his voice rough, before pulling you back into another bruising kiss.

His hands roamed your body like he was trying to memorize every inch of you, and you clung to him, giving in to the storm you’d both been holding back for far too long.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew this wouldn’t fix anything, as he lifted you up and carried you into his room. It wouldn’t erase the pain or the heartbreak or the mess of your situation.

But for now, you let yourself fall back into old habits, into him, and pretended for just a little while longer that this wasn’t the worst idea you’d ever had.

&

The next morning, for a fleeting moment, you woke up feeling weightless, the kind of lightness you hadn’t felt in months. The sun spilled through the curtains, warm and golden, and Fred’s steady breathing next to you was a sound you hadn’t realized you missed so much.

And then reality hit like a cold slap to the face.

The events of the last few months flooded back into your mind—the breakup, the awkward dinners, the unspoken tension, and now this. You and Fred, tangled up in sheets and old habits, pretending for one reckless night that things hadn’t fallen apart.

Your stomach twisted painfully.

This wasn’t sustainable.

You needed to move out.

The thought settled heavily in your chest as you forced yourself out of bed. You dressed quickly, careful not to make too much noise, and retreated to the kitchen.

By the time Fred padded in, his hair still tousled from sleep, you were already seated at the table with your hands wrapped around a cup of tea that had long since gone cold.

For a second, neither of you spoke. Fred looked at you, his brow furrowing slightly, and you swore you saw a flicker of hope in his eyes—hope that made what you were about to say so much harder.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and forced yourself to look at him. “We can’t keep doing this,” you began, your voice quiet but firm. “It’s not fair to either of us.”

Fred froze, his hand still on the kettle. Slowly, he turned to face you, his expression unreadable. “What are you saying?”

You took a shaky breath, gripping the edge of the table like it might steady you. “I’m saying I need to move out, Fred. This—living here, being around you all the time—it’s not working. We’re just falling into old habits.”

His jaw clenched, and for a moment, you thought he might argue. But instead, he just nodded slowly, his gaze fixed somewhere just past you.

“This feels familiar, doesn’t it?” he said, his voice bitter, almost mocking.

You flinched at his tone. “Fred—”

“No, really,” he interrupted, his eyes meeting yours now, sharp and accusing. “It’s like déjà vu. You decide it’s not working, and you leave. I don’t even get a say in it, do I?”

Your heart ached at the crack in his voice, but you couldn’t let yourself falter. “This isn’t about blame, Fred. It’s about what’s best for both of us.”

“Right,” he said, laughing humorlessly. “And you’ve decided that for us, just like last time.”

Tears pricked at your eyes, but you blinked them away. “Fred, please—”

“Don’t,” he cut you off, his voice sharp. “Don’t try to make this sound noble or selfless or whatever it is you’re telling yourself to make it easier.”

You stared at him, speechless, as the anger in his eyes softened into something far more painful. “You said we were better off as friends. And I…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I thought you’d come back. That we’d figure it out. But you didn’t, did you?”

Your throat felt tight, your voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t know how.”

This wasn’t fair. You might’ve been the one back then who initiated the breakup, but he didn’t argue, not really.

Fred ran a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. “And now you’re running again. But sure, let’s call it what’s ‘best for both of us.’”

You stood abruptly, unable to sit still under his gaze any longer. “This isn’t easy for me either, Fred.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” he muttered under his breath.

You ignored the sting of his words and moved toward your room, determined to pack before you lost your resolve. Fred didn’t follow you.

By the time you’d stuffed a bag with enough essentials to last a few days at Alicia’s, the silence in the flat was deafening.

Fred was standing by the door when you emerged, his arms crossed and his expression unreadable once again. He didn’t say a word as you moved toward the door, your bag slung over your shoulder.

For a brief moment, you hesitated, turning to look at him. You wanted him to say something—anything. To stop you, to fight for you, to give you a reason to stay.

But Fred just stared at you, his face a mask of indifference. “Take care of yourself.”

So you opened the door, stepping out into the chilly winter air.

The second time wasn’t easier than the first. If anything, it was worse.

Because this time, you weren’t just walking away from Fred. You were walking away from the fragile hope that maybe, just maybe, things could’ve been different.

And Fred didn’t stop you.

&

When Alicia opened the door, she didn’t even need to ask.

One look at you—bag slung over your shoulder, eyes red from holding back tears—and she simply stepped aside to let you in.

“You know where the spare room is,” she said softly, shutting the door behind you. “I’ll make tea.”

For the next few days, Alicia didn’t push. She let you sit quietly on the sofa with a blanket wrapped around you, lost in your thoughts. She gave you space to unpack—or not unpack, as you hadn’t even opened your bag yet. She simply existed around you, chatting about work or gossip or Quidditch, letting you be quiet but never alone.

But Alicia wasn’t a particularly patient person, and by the third day, her concern boiled over.

“Alright,” she said, setting down two steaming mugs of tea on the coffee table and sitting across from you. “Out with it. What happened?”

You stared at the tea, your fingers curling around the mug for warmth. “I moved out,” you said finally, your voice hoarse from disuse.

Alicia blinked, clearly trying to process this. “You what?”

“I moved out,” you repeated, your grip tightening on the mug. “I told Fred it wasn’t working. That I couldn’t do it anymore.”

Alicia leaned back, crossing her arms. “Why?”

You let out a humorless laugh. “Why do you think? Because we’re a disaster waiting to happen. Because the first time we tried this, it ended in flames, and now we’re just… ignoring all of it, hoping it’ll magically work this time. Spoiler: it won’t.”

Alicia’s brow furrowed. “Ignoring it? Are you serious?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, for someone who’s ‘ignoring it,’ you two seem to have a bloody hard time staying away from each other.”

You frowned, thrown off by her point.

“Think about it,” she pressed. “You’ve been living together, falling back into each other’s lives. Sure, maybe you weren’t talking about it, but you were doing something. You were letting yourself be close to him again.”

“That’s not the same thing as trying to fix it,” you countered, your voice shaky.

“No, it’s not,” Alicia admitted. “But it’s not nothing, either. You can’t tell me you didn’t feel anything being with him again. And don’t even think about lying to me, because I know you.”

You looked away, your chest tightening. “It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. It’s still going to end the same way. We’re just… Fred and I, we’re not meant to be.”

Alicia snorted. “Says who? You? Because from what I’ve seen, Fred seems pretty bloody convinced otherwise.”

Your jaw clenched, and you stared at the floor.

“Look,” Alicia continued, softening her tone. “I get it. You’re scared. You’re terrified of putting yourself out there again, of having it all fall apart a second time. That’s normal. But running away from it? That’s just—sorry, mate—stupid.”

You bristled, finally meeting her eyes. “It’s not stupid. It’s self-preservation. Do you know how much it hurt the first time? How much it broke me to lose him? I can’t do that again.”

“And what if you don’t lose him?” Alicia asked, leaning forward. “What if it actually works this time? You’ll never know if you keep running away.”

You opened your mouth to argue but hesitated.

Alicia sighed, her expression softening further. “Look, I know you think you’re saving yourself from the pain, but you’re also cutting yourself off from the happiness you could have with him. You’re assuming it’s going to end badly, but what if it doesn’t? What if this time, it’s different?”

“I just… I don’t know,” you murmured, your voice cracking.

“Then find out,” Alicia said gently. “You can’t keep running from something just because it’s scary. That’s not how love works. You have to fight for it, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.”

Her words lingered in the air, wrapping around you like a warm blanket.

You didn’t respond. You couldn’t. But as you sat there, sipping your tea and staring into the middle distance, a small, stubborn thought crept into your mind.

What if Alicia was right?

What if you owed it to yourself—and to Fred—to find out?

&

The hallway felt colder than you remembered. Or maybe it was the nerves pooling in your stomach, twisting tighter with every passing second.

You stood outside Fred’s flat, your hand hovering over the door as you debated knocking for the fifth time.

This is a mistake, your mind whispered. But Alicia’s voice was louder, pushing you forward. You’ll never know if you don’t try.

The peeling paint on the frame, the faint scuff marks on the floor where he always kicked his shoes off—it was all achingly familiar. And still, it felt like you didn’t belong here anymore.

But you were here. That had to count for something.

Your hand hovered over the door for what felt like forever before you finally forced yourself to knock.

The sound echoed in the quiet hallway, and for a moment, you considered running. The urge to flee was strong—you’d done it before. But then you heard shuffling from the other side of the door, followed by the unmistakable creak of the hinges.

Fred stood there, barefoot and in an old t-shirt that had seen better days, his hair sticking up in every direction like he’d been running his hands through it all morning. His face was unreadable, his mouth set in a hard line, but his eyes—those damn eyes—told you everything. They were wide and raw, flickering between surprise, confusion, and something you didn’t dare name.

For a second, neither of you said anything. You just stood there, staring at each other, the weight of everything unsaid pressing down like a heavy fog.

“I—” you started, your voice cracking.

But before you could say another word, Fred closed the space between you in one swift motion.

His hands gripped your waist, pulling you to him as his lips crashed against yours. The kiss was urgent and messy, filled with all the words you hadn’t said and all the feelings you couldn’t quite explain.

Your hands flew to his shoulders, clutching at him as if he might disappear, and for a moment, everything else faded away. There was no fear, no doubt, no past mistakes—just Fred.

When you finally broke apart, you were both breathing hard, your foreheads pressed together as he refused to let you go.

“Fred,” you whispered, your voice trembling.

“Don’t,” he said quickly, his voice rough. His hands tightened on your waist, grounding both of you. “Don’t say it unless you mean it. I can’t—” His voice broke, and he shook his head like he was trying to push the words away.

“I’m not leaving,” you interrupted, your voice gaining strength. “I’m not running this time. I promise.”

Fred’s breath hitched, and his eyes searched yours, like he didn’t quite believe you yet. “You came back,” he murmured, more to himself than to you.

You nodded, your throat tight. “I was scared. I still am. But—” You swallowed hard, forcing the words out. “But I love you. I never stopped. And I’m tired of pretending I don’t. I want to try, Fred. Really try this time.”

For a moment, he just stared at you, his brow furrowed like he was trying to make sense of what you’d said. Then, slowly, a soft, disbelieving smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“Bloody hell,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “Took you long enough.”

You laughed, a wet, shaky sound that was half relief, half exasperation. “You’re not exactly easy to figure out, you know.”

“And you’re impossible,” he shot back, his grin widening.

His words were teasing, but the way he was looking at you—like you were the only thing in the world that mattered—made your heart ache.

“Fred, I’m sorry,” you said, your voice softening. “For leaving. For hurting you. I thought I was protecting myself, but I was just being a coward.”

Fred let out a shaky breath, his hands moving to cup your face. “I know,” he said quietly. “But you’re here now. That’s what matters.”

The weight of his words settled over you, warm and comforting, and for the first time in months, you felt like you could breathe again.

You stood there for a moment, letting the silence stretch between you, until a thought popped into your head and escaped before you could stop it.

“Can I move back in?”

Fred blinked, and then his laughter filled the hallway, rich and familiar and so very Fred. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“You’re not getting your old room back,” he teased, his voice low and warm.

“Oh?” you said, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” he said, his grin softening. “You’re stuck with mine now.”

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t stop the smile tugging at your lips. “Guess I can live with that.”

Fred’s smile turned tender, and he leaned in, pressing his lips to yours in a kiss that felt like a promise.

Home wasn’t a place. It was Fred.

[thewritingrowlet]

The Office Romance pt. 1, ft. tripleS Seoyeon, Kep1er Dayeon

tags: creampie, daddy kink

length: 8k+

author's note: It's been a long while since I've written about Seoyeon. So, to rectify that, I'm featuring her in this start of another series (this feels like a bad idea, ngl).

-

“Miss Yoon, to my office, please,” you say into the landline on your desk that’s connected to Seoyeon’s. “On my way, sir.”

Within seconds, Seoyeon appears in front of your eyes, and you lock the door behind her with a push of a button. “Sir?” You shake your head. “It’s not the time for that.” She knows what you’re getting at. “Oppa?” “I miss you, sweetheart.” She looks at you confusedly. “Sorry?” You take a deep breath before continuing your point. “We haven’t spent time for ourselves recently, have we, sweetie—we’ve been so busy with work.”

Seoyeon sits on the empty chair on the other side of the desk. “That’s true,” she sighs, “so, what’s your idea?” You suggest getting lunch together, but she seems hesitant to take you up on the offer. “People will see, though,” she says quietly. You close your eyes as realization hits: only a handful of people (who you trust the most) know about you and Seoyeon, and it’s safer for the both of you to keep it that way.

Without command, tears start flowing out of your eyes, and Seoyeon jumps off her chair in shock. “Huh, what—oppa, are you okay?” You nod. “I-I’m fine; I just realized how complicated our relationship is.” Seoyeon isn’t convinced that you’re fine, so she pulls you onto your feet and hugs you tightly. You put your lips on her forehead, feeling apologetic for bringing this life upon your lovely girlfriend. “I’m so sorry, sweetie—I didn’t mean to drag you into this life like this.”

Seoyeon has been your number one supporter since day one; she’s been by your side through all the ups and downs of the company, unwavering in her approach to this difficult job while maintaining the other side of the coin as your girlfriend. She’s doing all these things for you, and the only things she’s asking in return are your loyalty to her and commitment to the job—on top of appropriate pay, of course.

“It’s a good thing that you’re paying me a ton for this,” Seoyeon tries to lighten the mood. You crack a little laugh. “I’m glad that it’s enough for you.” She looks at you in the eyes. “I mean, with sex on top of it, it’s more than enough.” You smile a little before frowning again when another realization hits. “We haven’t had sex in a week,” you say quietly. Your girlfriend smiles, showing you the incredible patience that you admire her for. “It’s fine, oppa; like you said, we’ve been very busy with work.”

An idea enters your mind. “What do you say we spend this weekend for ourselves, sweetie?” Seoyeon nods enthusiastically. “Sounds great, oppa,” she says, “I must warn you, though: if you don’t touch me at least twice, I’m quitting this job.” “You got it, sweetie.”

Seoyeon asks you to return to your seat, and because you expect that she’ll want to leave your office and get back to work, you unlock the door for her. “I heard that,” she comments, “are you kicking me out, oppa?” You blink rapidly in confusion. “Excuse me?” She leans very closely towards you. “Don’t you want a blowjob first?” Her whispered words give you goosebumps everywhere, and you can’t help but nod. “That’s what I thought.”

Seoyeon pushes your chair backwards a little to make space for her to get on her knees. “Feed me your dick, oppa,” she allures. Without wasting too much time, you unzip your trousers and pull them down along with your boxers, exposing your hard cock to your girlfriend. “Omo, you’re excited to see me, aren’t you?”

You let out a moan when Seoyeon first lets you in her mouth. “That’s really good, baby—fuck, you’re so good.” Much to your satisfaction, your girlfriend starts bobbing her head along your length faster. Your eyes gradually close as your eyelids feel heavy, but that’s when she slaps your leg to get your attention—Seoyeon doesn’t like it when you’re not looking at her during a blowjob. “Sorry, baby; you’re just too good,” you reason.

She’s trying to say something, but because your shaft is lodged in her mouth, nothing but intelligible sounds come out. You see that she’s tapping the back of her head, though, so you guess that she wants you to put your hand there. “Alright, alright, here.” You place your hand on the back of her head, expecting nothing from her in return.

She proves you wrong, however, as she negotiates more of your shaft deeper into her mouth, possibly into her throat. “Good girl, baby,” you utter without thinking twice. Not satisfied yet, Seoyeon fixes her hands on your knees and forces herself to take the entirety of your length, ignoring whatever blaring alarm from her body and brain, and at the same time, taking you closer to cum-land.

“Baby,” you finally manage to say something, “I’m going to cum.” Seoyeon removes you from her mouth momentarily to gather herself. “S-sure,” she says between heavy pants, “one—oh, God, one second, please.” You lift her chin so that you can look right into her big, adorable eyes. “I love you,” you whisper to her, “thank you for making the time for this.”

You can tell that she wants to be kissed but is hesitant to come in for one considering your cock was just in her mouth, so you take the charge and kiss her passionately. “I like that,” Seoyeon quips, “that’s a green flag for me, you know.” You run a thumb back and forth on her cheek. “I love you, sweetie—I love you sooo much.” She smiles, a mix of cuteness and sexiness shown on her face. “Give me your cum, then, sir.”

Seoyeon opens her mouth as wide as she can, and there’s nothing better for you to do than to shove your cock into her mouth. “I’ll give you my cum, baby; don’t worry about nothing.” She closes her eyes when you start fucking her mouth while making sure her teeth are off your cock. “C’mon, Yoon Seoyeon, you can do this—you’ve done this dozens of times,” she tells herself. Thinking that you’re close, she fixes her hands on your knees again to prepare for your semen.

Even though she has prepared for it beforehand, Seoyeon still panics when her mouth is suddenly flooded with your cum. She tries to stay in place and receive everything, but despite her best efforts, it starts leaking out of the corners of her mouth, and she can only hope that it doesn’t land on her clothers. “Should’ve undressed first,” she thinks.

Salvation comes to her as you place a palm under her chin while pulling out at the same time. “Come here, sweetie.” You pull her head closer to you to help make sure her clothes stay clean. “Thank you, baby—thank you for everything,” you say as you clean her face with facial tissues.

“Do you want to spit that out, baby?” Seoyeon shakes her head, and instead swallows your load in one go. You show her a big smile. “You’re such an amazing girl, you know that?” She thanks you for the kind words (and the load). “Do I look okay, though, oppa? Am I too messy?” You run your fingers through her hair to help her tidy up. “Should be okay now, baby.” “Thanks, oppa.” She gives you a peck on the back of your hand. “See you later, okay?”

Seoyeon makes her way out of your office, and as soon as she closes the door behind her, she sees Dayeon, who’s sitting on a chair while hugging a big binder. “You were there a long time, Seoyeon-ah—what were you doing?” “I was just doing my job, Dayeon-ah,” she replies, trying to play it cool. “That must’ve been stressful, because your hair is quite messy,” Dayeon strikes for the second time. Seoyeon’s heart jumps a little, but she manages to deflect once again. “It was a pretty serious matter.”

She can tell that Dayeon isn’t entirely convinced, but whatever is in that binder matters more. “So, is he free now?” Seoyeon nods. “You might want to ring the bell first,” she adds, and apparently, it sounds odd to Dayeon, as proven by the raised eyebrows. “Is that so? Why, is he naked?” It’s getting hard for Seoyeon to stay serene. “No, but he has a lot of work other than whatever is in that thing.” “Sure, he does,” Dayeon presses the bell to your office, “well, see you later.”

Seoyeon watches on as Dayeon disappears behind the door to your office. “You’re not stealing him from me, you bi—” A ding from her phone interrupts her train of thoughts; it’s an incoming text from you, thanking her for making you cum and relieving some stress. “See this? He’s mine, not yours.” She takes a seat on her chair and promptly lets out a deep sigh. “Why are we doing it like this, oppa? Can’t we just tell the world we belong to each other?”

-

Dayeon enters your office with a big smile. “Yes, Miss Kim?” She reaches behind her head and frees her hair from the tie, showing you a rather sexy side of her. “Miss Kim? Really?” She slowly makes her way closer to your desk, and only now do you notice that the first two buttons on her blouse are undone, letting you peek at the white lacy bra she’s wearing underneath. “When are you going to treat me like you do Seoyeon-ie, boss? I don’t want to wait forever, you know.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Miss Kim,” you deflect, trying to stay solid under pressure. “Also, it’d be helpful if you'd stop trying to seduce me every time you walk into my office.”

Dayeon places her hands on your desk and bends forwards just enough for you to see her cleavage more freely. “Oh, c’mon, don’t be too hard on me.” She smirks when she catches you looking at her chest. “Don’t you want to touch these plump tits, boss?” You shake your head to both clear your mind and tell her no. “I have a girlfriend, Miss Kim,” you open a card, “please stop.”

You expect her to listen and stop trying to seduce you, but instead, she moves to sit on your desk with her legs slightly parted. “You’re such a good boyfriend, aren’t you, boss? Here you are, working hard at your company while she’s off doing God-knows-what.” “My girlfriend is a hard-working woman, Miss Kim,” you say, not accepting the slander. “So am I, and that’s why you should consider giving me a chance.” She must’ve missed the single most important detail of this exchange, which is the fact that you’re taken, but you just want to stop at this point. “Miss Kim, let’s address whatever you actually came here for, and we can pretend this never happened.”

Seeing that there’s no way to progress, Dayeon jumps off your table and tidies up her clothes. “Fine,” she sighs, “I guess we can talk about work instead.” She places the thick binder on your desk crassly. “These are reports on our trainees, let me know which of these girls you want to choose for debut.” “I need—” Dayeon interrupts by placing a flash drive on your desk. “Here are their practice videos,” she adds.

“Let me know about your thoughts about these girls soon, okay?” Dayeon then makes her way out of your office, and as soon as she disappears behind that door, you let out a big sigh. “Why are we doing it like this, Seoyeon-ah? Can’t we just tell the world that we belong to each other?”

-

“Seoyeon-ah, why are you still here?” Your question snaps her out of focus, making her jump in shock a little bit. “Oh my God, you didn’t have to surprise me like that.” She pats her chest to calm down. “Can I help you, sir?” You show her a warm smile while pointing at the clock hanging on the wall. “This is quite literally not the time for that, is it?” Seoyeon’s face instantly relaxes and her body sinks into her chair, releasing the tension she has been holding for hours now. “You want to go home, baby?” “I still need to finish this thing, though,” she says.

Your heart sinks: you forget how much you rely on Seoyeon for a plethora of things, taking her help and presence for granted more often than you’d like to admit. “We can continue tomorrow, love; let’s just go home, please.” Seoyeon stares at you blankly, possibly contemplating if she wants to finish it tomorrow and go home with you tonight. “Yeah, let’s go home,” she finally comes to a decision, much to your delight.

Seoyeon looks around to make sure there’s no custodian or security guard around, and when she sees that the coast is clear, she takes your hand in yours. “I love you, oppa,” she says softly, filling your heart with some much-needed warmth. “I love you more, baby, and I can’t do anything without you,” you reply, making sure she knows that she’s appreciated. Seoyeon giggles. “Would you consider giving me a raise, then?” “Yes, absolutely; I’ll see what I can do, okay, baby?”

As soon as you step out of the elevator, you see Dayeon hanging out with a security guard with her back turned against you, which gives you enough time to let go of Seoyeon’s hand and pretend nothing happened. Dayeon turns around when the guard points inside where you are.

“Oh, hello, boss,” Dayeon ignores Seoyeon and only greets you, “going home?” You put on a smile and simply nod to her question. “See you tomorrow, Miss Kim.” Initially, she doesn’t say anything when you walk past her with Seoyeon, but as you’re inching closer towards your car, Dayeon opens her mouth. “Do you sleep with your secretary, boss? Is she that girlfriend you spoke of?”

Both you and Seoyeon stop in your tracks, and admittedly, you’re very nervous. “What the hell are you talking about, Dayeon-ah,” Seoyeon comes to your aid, “I have a boyfriend, just so you know.” “You don’t actually think that I’m that stupid, do you? It’s not hard to put 2 and 2 together,” she presses on.

After thinking about it for a moment, you decide to interrupt and just reveal the whole thing. “Yes, Miss Kim, I do sleep with my secretary who is also my girlfriend.” You sigh, feeling somewhat relieved. “So, please stop trying to get to me; I don’t want to cheat on my beloved.” “Yeah, okay.” Dayeon bows while her eyes release tears, “I apologize, sir—have a good evening.” You look at Seoyeon, and she looks right back at you with this flat expression that you can’t figure out the meaning of. “You too, Miss Kim. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

-

Seoyeon is oddly quiet tonight, visibly tense and deep in thought—not even a flavorful dinner managed to get her to relax. “Love, I hope you’re not thinking about work right now.” She shakes her head. “I’m just thinking about Dayeon-ie.” You stay silent and see if she wants to continue. “How long do you think she has had a crush on you, oppa?” “I don’t know, honestly,” you sigh, “I think the more important question is why me, because aside from my position, I’m just a regular, boring guy—even you acknowledge that I’m a boring person.”

Seoyeon moves to sit on your lap. “Just so you know, dating a boring guy is fun, as odd as that sounds,” she says. Truthfully, you’re glad to hear that, but you’re curious about the reason. “Just think about it, oppa: because you’d rather stay at home and be boring, I don’t have to worry about you running around the city looking for one-night stands or side chicks.” “I mean, yeah, but I also don’t go out much—isn’t it boring for you to stay at home with me a lot?” Your girlfriend shrugs. “I mean, you’re still willing to go out on dates when we have time.”

Now that Seoyeon has brought up that topic, you suggest getting dinner together tomorrow after work, which makes her light up. “Hmm, yeah, about that,” she fetches her tablet from the table, “the dance instructors are inviting you to attend a monthly evaluation tomorrow at 6 p.m.” “Okay, but can I have you after that?” Seoyeon doesn’t answer right away and scrolls up and down on her tablet. “Yeah, you can,” she says, “what do you have in mind?” “Dinner, love—did I not tell you that already?” Seoyeon laughs. “Sowwy, daddy.” “Daddy? What, you horny?” Seoyeon places her hand on her crotch and then yours. “I need a bit of warmup, but you seem eager.” “I’m always eager for you, baby, but do you want it?” You ask to make sure you have consent. “Only if you promise to make me cum.”

In the few years you’ve been dating her, only twice have you not made her cum, both involving you busting early: the first one was because you were strangled by her ass and couldn’t hold it back, and the second one was because you were not in peak condition. Seoyeon expressed her disappointment on both occasions but didn’t let you touch her to rectify your failure. Ever since then, you make sure to make her cum first before you try to chase your own orgasm, and it’s been working well so far.

You carry Seoyeon like a koala, and she circles different parts of your body with her arms and legs. Once you’re close to bed, you pretend as if you were going to drop her, making Seoyeon scream the loudest you’ve heard from her in recent memory—eh, actually, that scream she let out when you surprised her on her birthday was likely louder.

“That was so not funny, oppa,” she whines, “why would you do your girlfriend like that?” “Sowwy, baby.” You gently set her down on the bed. “How about that, love?” Seoyeon looks away momentarily. “I was about to get mad, but let’s be real, how can I get mad at you, oppa?”

You kiss her fleetingly. “You’re so sweet, aren’t you, baby? You’re always so kind and hard-working.” Seoyeon’s boba eyes widen even more while her cheeks are painted pink. “W-what are you talking about, oppa? Why so sudden?” You take a knee in front of her. “Baby, I’m so thankful for you, both personally and professionally; I seriously wouldn’t last a day without you.” She places her hands on either side of your face. “Thank you, oppa,” she says, “life has been very pleasant with you by my side.”

The two of you came to the bedroom to have sex, but here you are, crying to your heart’s content in each other’s arms because you’ve been overwhelmed by emotions. “I’m sorry, sweetie,” you wipe tears off your cheeks, “oh, I’m so sorry; I didn’t mean to make you cry like this.” Seoyeon shakes her head. “W-with you, I-I cry because of the right reasons, oppa.” You chuckle slightly. “Is this a good segue to sex, though?” Seoyeon pecks you on the forehead. “Us crying right now means good emotions, and good sex needs good emotions,” she says.

After calming down, Seoyeon takes off her T-shirt, revealing a black bra that you love seeing her wear the most. “I consent, oppa.” You join her in undressing and let your clothes scatter all over the place. “I love you, sweetheart,” you say softly, “I’m glad to be with you all the time.”

Seoyeon falls backwards onto the bed, and you take the chance to take her shorts and panties off. “Oppa, before we start,” she calls a timeout by placing a finger on your cheek. “Please don’t get in my ass; I’m not in the mood for it.” “Of course, baby—thanks for letting me know.”

You grind your tip against her entrance, and Seoyeon promptly starts moaning. “Vanilla is great, isn’t it, baby?” “Y-yes,” she says, “I-I can feel how much you love me.” “That’s great to hear,” you whisper, “here I go, baby.” “Yes, make love to—oh!”

With little problem, you ease your cock into her pussy, her warm walls hugging your shaft snug. You hear her soft and angelic moans in your ear, and you’re doing your best to keep this tempo that’s nice and relaxed amidst the temptation to go hard and fast.

“Oppa, I love you—I love you so much.” “Oh, I love you more, darling; more than words can express.” Seoyeon lets out a mix of giggles and moans. “Really?” You peck her on the lips before answering. “We’re having sex right now so that I can show you, instead of telling you.” She places her soft hand on your cheek. “Keep showing me, then, oppa.”

You hug her tightly as your shaft moves in and out of her, exchanging moans with each other freely. Seoyeon suddenly lifts her butt off the bed while yelping. “You alright, cutie?” She nods. “J-just goosebumps,” she says. Now that she’s mentioned it, you notice that you also have goosebumps on your forearms. “We’re equal, baby.”

You’ve lost track of time at this point; the pace makes it feel like it’s been hours, but neither of you is showing signs of impending orgasm just yet—at least that was the case, until Seoyeon announces that she’s getting close. “Y-you need to go faster if you want to make me cum, oppa,” she says. “I don’t want to—it sounds exhausting,” you crack a little joke. She lets out a gasp of disbelief, playing along with your joke. “Su-surely you’re not that mean.”

You straighten your posture and fold her in half. “Oh, I’m so ready for this,” Seoyeon approves of the change of position. Once your knees are set, you start pumping into her fast and hard. “Yes, daddy, yes!” She pulls out the kinky name out of her bag. “Fuck me, daddy!”

Your girlfriend is moaning without any care about anything else, while you’re endlessly fucking her; whatever agreement you had about vanilla and making love has been thrown out the window.

“More, more! Make me cum, daddy!” Seoyeon is great at pushing the right buttons at the right time to egg you on. You fasten your grip on her ankles and move your hips as fast as you can while praying that you won’t bust too fast.

“Fuck, you’re so tight, baby.” “Y-you only no-noticed that now?” You chuckle a little. “Yeah, kind of,” you say, “are we ready to cum yet?” “S-soon, daddy.” “Hard to get, aren’t you, cutie?” Amidst the endless moaning, Seoyeon manages to let out a laugh. “Y-you love me f-for it, d-don’t you, daddy?” “Damn right.”

After what feels like forever, Seoyeon finally announces that she’s ready to cum any second now. “Just a bit more, daddy, please.” You opt to let her legs relax and come in for a hug, having had enough of being rough. “Come on, my love,” you whisper in her ear, “cum for me, please.”

A part of your mind wonders if the slower pace will postpone her orgasm, but no is the answer you’re getting, as Seoyeon asks you to pull out when her orgasm hits, her legs and thighs shaking as per usual. You lie on your side next to her while your hand gently runs on her head. “You’re always so pretty, baby—even prettier when you cum, might I add,” you praise her. She wants to say something back, but her heavy pants prevent her from doing so, hence the nods. “Take your time, baby; we have all night.”

-

You’re getting some looks from a bunch of people when you’re walking through the building with Seoyeon, and you wonder if you’re simply being paranoid. “Baby, is it just me or are they looking at us weirdly?” “I don’t know, and I don’t want to know.” Seoyeon picks up the pace of her steps while keeping her gaze forwards.

You invite her to your office before releasing her into the wilderness that is secretary work. “I’m sorry, baby; I just wanted to make Dayeon-ie stop flirting with me.” She sighs. “Yeah, it’s fine; I didn’t want to stay silent while she kept pursuing you either.”

The bell to your door rings, and Dayeon appears soon after. “Hello,” she says, “am I interrupting?” You and Seoyeon look at her in confusion. “No, no,” you break the silence, “please come in, Dayeon-ah.” As she gets closer, you see that her eyes are red—she must’ve spent some time crying. “I-I’d like to submit my resignation letter.” Dayeon places a piece of paper on your desk, sobbing as she does. You quickly scan the letter, and under the reason section, she’s written that “she is no longer able to stay professional at work.”

Aside from her shenanigans, Dayeon is great at her work. As a former idol herself, she has a keen eye when it comes to evaluating trainee candidates, hence how she was able to keep her position this long despite her occasional unprofessionalness.

As thoughts run amuck in your head, Dayeon sobs more and more. “S-sign it, please, sir,” she urges you. You pick up a pen from your shirt pocket, but you can’t bring yourself to sign the letter. “Oppa,” Seoyeon steals your attention, “don’t sign it.” Both you and Dayeon look at her confusedly. “Let her stay, oppa; we need her.” “I-I literally tried to steal your boyfriend, Seoyeon-ah—why would you let me stay?”

Seoyeon holds Dayeon’s hands. “I know you did, but at the same time, you didn’t know that we were dating; I don’t want to punish someone for being clueless,” she reasons, and you think that it’s a reasonable point. “She’s right, Dayeon-ah,” you support your girlfriend’s idea, “you’re a valuable personnel in this company.” You put down your pen and the letter. “Now that you know about our relationship, I hope that you’ll stop chasing me and be able to put your expertise to good use.”

Seoyeon pulls her into a hug, which makes Dayeon burst into tears. “T-thank you, Seoyeon-ah—thank you, boss. I-I promise I will work hard.” Your girlfriend looks at you with a smile and teary eyes, and your eyes are threatening to release tears because of this sight.

Dayeon quickly pulls away from the hug and wipes tears off her cheeks. “S-someone give me orders—please tell me what to do.” Seoyeon whispers something to her ear, and considering how her eyes widen seemingly in shock, it must be something crazy. “What did you say to her, sweetie?” Your girlfriend doesn’t answer while Dayeon makes her way around your desk and kneels between your legs.

“Let me suck your cock, sir.”

You look at Seoyeon, who has a naughty smirk on her face. “What the hell did you just tell her?” She shrugs. “She wanted your dick, so that’s what she’s getting.” You want to say something back, but you’re distracted when Dayeon unzips your trousers. “Look at her, oppa, and tell me she’s not excited right now.” Dayeon indeed seems excited and ready. “Fine,” you decide to play along, “we’re not doing this ever again, just so we’re clear.”

You inhale sharply when you feel Dayeon licking the tip of your cock. “I will make sure you remember this, boss—you can tell me later if I’m better than your girlfriend.” “Just get on with it, please,” you say, oddly eager about getting a blowjob from another girl—a home wrecker.

She parts her lips and slowly negotiates your shaft into her mouth, seemingly (and understandably) struggling with your unfamiliar size. In the corner of your vision, you see that Seoyeon is moving to stand behind Dayeon. “Deeper, slut—if you want to please him, you have to show more effort.” She pushes Dayeon’s head forwards, making her gag on your cock. “Sweetie, be gentle with her,” you say. “Nah, she can take it.”

It is when the gags get worse that Seoyeon lets Dayeon remove you from her throat. “N-not too rough—h-have mercy, please,” she begs. “Do you want to please him, or no?” Dayeon nods weakly. “I-I do, b-but please let me do it at my own pace.” “Fine,” Seoyeon steps away from you and Dayeon, “continue, then.”

Dayeon turns her attention back to you. “W-water, please.” You grab a bottle that has some leftover water from yesterday. “Open your lips, cookie.” Once she opens her mouth, you guide the bottle towards her and help her take a sip. She finishes the water in one go, and unfortunately for her, that’s all you have. “Sorry, I haven’t refilled my water today.” She shakes her head. “I-it’s fine, I-I’ll manage.”

She starts stroking your cock, indicating that she’s ready to go again. “S-sorry, oppa, my gag reflex is so bad.” You rub her face gently. “Do you want to stop?” “B-but Seoyeon-ie said—” “Don’t worry about her,” you interrupt, “if you don’t consent, then we must stop.”

After thinking about it, Dayeon decides that she wants to stop right here and asks both your and Seoyeon’s consent to try again some other time. Seoyeon suggests inviting Dayeon to your apartment on Saturday night, which you have no problem with. “We’ll see you again on Saturday, Dayeon-ah.” “Y-yes, sir,” she says, “t-thank you for the opportunity.” You smile at her. “Now, get yourself tidied up and start working, please.”

While Dayeon gets herself sorted, Seoyeon extends the invitation to attend a monthly evaluation to her, mentioning how Dayeon’s experience might help the company make decisions about these trainees. “Yeah, I’ll be there—thanks for inviting me.” During the exchange, you see that Seoyeon is starting to soften up to Dayeon, which provides you with some much-needed relief.

It is when Dayeon exits your office that Seoyeon approaches you again. “I love you,” she says, “everything I do for you is out of love, oppa.” “I know, sweetie; I’m always thankful for you.” You and Seoyeon move towards each other at the same time for a kiss. “I’ll see you later, oppa.” “I’ll see you later too, sweetheart.”

-

The clock shows 4:00, which means that it’s time to go to that meeting that Seoyeon has prepared materials for.

“So, to remind you, we’ll be talking about some debut-related stuff with a bunch of people—the important things for this meeting are in this binder.” “Thank you, sweetheart,” you take the big binder from her hands. “You’re attending too, aren’t you?” Seoyeon laughs. “We both know you can’t go through the day without me.” You nod. “I know, sweetie, and that’s why I asked.”

Seoyeon wraps an arm around yours as you walk towards the meeting room with her. “I’m nervous, baby,” you say. “Honestly, same,” she replies, “believe me when I say that I'm glad I’m not the boss of this company.” “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll be joining me soon, Miss Yoon.” You try making a joke to suppress the nervousness.

You believe that you have valid reasons to be nervous; the future of this company depends on whether the 5-member group that’s going to debut in January next year succeeds. Not only that, but these 7 trainees who have been spending so much time training at your company are very hopeful about making the debut team—it’s going to be so damn painful for everyone when you announce the two trainees who won’t be debuting in January.

When you enter the room, Min Suhye and Min Suji, the dance and singing instructors respectively, are waiting for you. “Hey, guys,” you greet them, “how are you two doing?” Suji’s face lights up. “We’re doing very well; these trainees have been working really hard and really well recently.” Her words blow tenseness away from your mind. “Well, you guys deserve all the credits; you’ve been tireless with them.” Suji looks at her sister momentarily. “Yeah, actually, we’d like to take a bit of PTO next week or the week after.” You figure that they deserve some much-needed rest, so you agree to let them take leave, and in turn, let the trainees get some rest as well.

After a short wait, you’re joined by the choreographer and music production team. “Hi, hi,” the choreographer greets you, “sorry for being late; I had a discussion with Sihyeon-ie.” “Is she okay?” You ask because you care about these trainees and their instructors. “Yeah, yeah—she just had questions about some choreo details.” You’re glad to hear that people are as serious about this as you are; it would be difficult to proceed if someone were to lose motivation during this long process.

To not waste more time, you start today’s meeting. The production team plugs in their laptop to the speaker and projector, taking the first turn to “speak.” “Which one do you guys want to check out first?” You see on the big screen that there are demos titled A through D, each around 3 minutes long. “We’ll start from the top, okay?”

Demo A immediately catches your attention; it sounds fun and exciting with the uplifting beat, and the supposed chorus part has that banger factor (your opinion, not official production term). Demo B and C sound cute, but C in particular sounds quite generic. “Maybe we can include B as a B-side,” you think. Finally, you arrive at D, which sounds like another title track material. “A or D as title,” you write on your little note.

“I’d like to hear what everyone thinks about each demo,” you start the discussion. The instructor sisters love C but are worried about it coming off as boring, so they vote for D instead. Your beloved Seoyeon, on the other hand, thinks that A should be the title track, like you do. You’re glad that she’s of the same opinion, but you make sure that your face doesn’t show any sign of bias in front of these people.

“I think A is great,” says the choreographer, “we should be able to make a catchy choreo that sticks to people’s minds.” Before casting your vote, you ask what the production duo thinks. “When we were making these demos, we thought that maybe we could include C in the EP; I personally think that it’ll be a fun addition to it, you know.”

After a short discussion, it is decided that A and C will be in the debut EP: A is the title track while C is a B-side track; someone suggests putting C at the end of the play. “Yeah, sounds great,” says production, “we’ll be working on the lyrics soon.” You thank everyone for making the time for the meeting and sharing their opinions on the demos, earning smiles from each present. “I hope you guys remember that you guys are important to me and this company,” you say. You want to say that you’ll be giving them bonuses based on the group’s success but it’s probably best to keep it as a surprise.

Seoyeon approaches you after everyone has left. “Did I do well, sweetie?” She nods. “You always do well, but sometimes I wish you’d show more authority.” You scratch your chin as you think about her words. “I mean, I just wanted to listen to everyone’s opinions first.” She nods again. “Thankfully there wasn’t much disagreement today, but should it happen in the future, you’ll need to be able to take point, oppa.”

Someone’s knocking at the door, so Seoyeon makes her way towards it to check. “Oh, it’s you—come in.” Dayeon appears at the door with a plastic bag in her hands. “Erm, I bought some kimbap for you guys—I-I wanted to get donuts but I don’t know if you guys like sweet stuff.” “Thank you, Dayeon-ah; we were about to get food ourselves.” With a sheepish smile, Dayeon hands the bag over to Seoyeon, who doesn’t seem to be in the best mood, before leaving the meeting room.

“You alright, sweetie?” Seoyeon sighs. “Just wondering if giving her a second chance was a good idea.” “Sweetie,” you hold her soft hands in yours, “you know I would never cheat on you, right? I’ll make sure Dayeon doesn’t get too close to me.” She sighs once more. “Just… don’t leave me for her, please.” You assure her that such thing won’t happen; you love Seoyeon so much and don’t want to see her go.

-

“Oh, hi, Jihyun-ah—going somewhere?” You catch Jihyun, one of the two eldest trainees, leaving the training room. “D-director,” she’s visibly surprised to see you, “I-I was going to get some water for us.” Based on her sweaty forehead, you can tell that she’s been practicing hard. “I’ll get it for you; please return to the training room.” Jihyun seems reluctant to accept your offer, but she doesn’t dare argue. “Yes, director—thank you so much.”

You grab a box of bottled water from the storage and carry it towards the training room where the trainees are. “Good thing you’re fit,” Seoyeon quips. You chuckle. “I know, right.” As soon as you enter the training room, you’re met with bows and hellos from the trainees. “Hi, hi, hi,” you put on a kind smile for them, “Jihyun-ie said you guys needed some water, so here it is.”

You hand a bottle of water to Jihyun, who then passes it over to the other trainees until everyone has a bottle in their hands. You invite everyone to sit in a circle on the floor, and Sihyeon, the other eldest trainee, tries to get a chair for you. “That’s not necessary, Sihyeon-ah; I’m just your co-worker, not your dad,” you make a little joke, making her laugh a little. “Come, guys, let’s just sit on the floor.”

“So,” you start, “how’s everyone doing?” You make sure your tone is gentle in front of these exhausted trainees. “We’re fine for the most part, sir,” Jihyun answers on their behalf. “Most part, Jihyun-ah? Is there something wrong?” Jihyun reveals that Sunbin has been feeling some pain in her right calf because she didn’t stretch properly. “Are you okay now, though, Sunbin-ah?” Sunbin says that she’s feeling better after having applied some ointment on her calf, which brings relief to your heart. Sunbin is the youngest despite being of legal age and is also a big softie, so it stings to hear that she was in a bit of trouble.

“Director, director,” Sunwoo steals your attention. “I-if it’s okay with you, can we have some pizza and fried chicken, please?” You burst out laughing. “Of course you can, Sunwoo-yah—look, do your best for tonight’s evaluation, and I’ll buy each of you a box of fried chicken and two large pizzas to share; how about that?” Everyone’s face lights up as the room is filled with excited cheers—look, Soobin is beaming right now!

As trainees, dietary restrictions can be quite rough on them, so the fact that you’re agreeing to their request brings joy to their hearts. “Order for them, please—buy some for us as well,” you whisper to Seoyeon, who immediately pulls out her phone to order food.

You spend some more time talking with the trainees and are soon joined by the Min sisters and Dayeon, who are here for the evaluation, and everyone starts getting on their feet. “Girls, huddle, please,” you join them in the circle, “you are so close to debuting, and I know you guys have what it takes.” “Thank you, sir,” Jihyun says. “Fighting on three—one, two, three, fighting!”

You and Seoyeon take a seat at the big table with the Min sisters and Dayeon. “We’re ready when you are,” you say. “Good luck, everyone!” The song starts playing after everyone’s gotten to their positions—they’re doing a dance cover of tripleS’ Girls Capitalism, followed by a full cover of Kep1er’s Love on Lock right after.

You put on a serious face as the trainees go through the first cover and nail some important details from the original performers—shit, Sunbin seems to be in discomfort. “Pull through, Miss Jeon; c’mon, you can do this shit,” you say in your head, hoping that it’ll reach her. Your attention is stolen by Jihyun, however, as she steps closer towards the table to make a big impression on you and company. “Good job,” you mouth to her, drawing a small, proud smile on her face.

Sunbin immediately falls seated onto the floor after the cover is finished, scrunching her face because of the pain. You step away from the table to check up on her. “Are you okay, Sunbin-ah?” She nods weakly. “J-just my calf, director.” Jihyun passes you the ointment and you open the cap. “Excuse me, Sunbin-ah; I’ll help you apply some of this, okay?” Only when she nods do you start putting ointment on her leg. You then help her sit on a chair and return to yours. “You can sing your lines while sitting, Miss Jeon,” you say, “everyone else, please proceed as planned—eh, actually, drink some water first."

“You’re so kind to them, director,” Suhye makes a comment. “I don’t want to simply be a boss to them, Suhye-yah,” you reason. Suhye doesn’t say anything back, and you take it as a sign that she agrees with your approach.

The girls move to take their positions for the next cover, and Jihyun is the last person to get ready because she was still taking care of Sunbin. She seems to have also said something to her, and you hope that it was words of motivation or comfort.

The second song starts, so you shake your head to get rid of other thoughts in order to focus on the performance. It’s been smooth so far; Sunwoo and Daeun seem to be more immersed in this cover compared to the previous one—they must like this sort of song more. Jihyun, the always passionate one, is doing her best too, along with Hyeonju, Sihyeon, and Soobin.

Unfortunately, however, Sihyeon’s voice cracks a little, but she manages to stay focused and carry on. You and Seoyeon, in a moment of like-mindedness, quickly put up the OK sign to help assure her that she’s okay. Another thing to note is that Sunbin is giving absolutely everything despite being seated, showing everyone present her perseverance that is second-to-none, and at this point, the best choice of action seems to be debuting all 7 of them.

Once the performance finishes, you start a wave of claps, and in response, the trainees bow in respect and gratitude. “Well done, everyone,” you say, “now, I’ll have your instructors say their feedback.” “I’d like to start,” Dayeon says, so you let her do so. To your surprise, she leaves her seat and starts undressing, thus revealing her idol-like practice attire that consists of sports bra and compression shorts. “Wow, she came prepared,” you think. Apparently, you’re staring too much, proven by how Seoyeon pinches your thigh as punishment.

Dayeon gives Sihyeon some feedback and goes as far as showing examples, and the other trainees start replicating her, taking the guidance seriously. “I understand if you’re not too big on showing your curves, but it’s often necessary,” she adds. “Oh, and don’t forget to make eye contact even when you’re in the center.” After Sihyeon, Dayeon turns her attention to Soobin, who apparently was caught lacking.

“Soobin-ah, I want you to look at me and then compare my moves with yours, okay?” She does this piece of choreography like the pro she used to be—muscle memory goes crazy when it comes to dancers and athletes. Dayeon then tells Soobin to do the same and is quick to see the part that was not good in her eyes. “Right there, stop,” she says, “where’s the detail on that move, Miss Park?” Soobin repeats the piece once more, but she still doesn’t manage to satisfy Dayeon. “Oh, c’mon,” she’s getting heated, “stick your butt out some more when you’re doing those steps, Miss Park.” Soobin does the move again as instructed, and admittedly, that last try looks better. “There, that’s better,” she says, “remember the details, okay?”

Behind the standing ladies, Sunbin is looking at the floor, seemingly in low spirits. “Let’s talk to Sunbin-ie,” you say to Seoyeon, who follows closely behind you as you walk towards Sunbin. “Miss Jeon, how’s your leg?” “I-it doesn’t hurt as much anymore, director.” “Then follow us, please.”

Right as she’s stepping out of the training room, Sunbin starts crying. “P-please don’t fire me, director; I-I know I was wrong for not warming up correctly, but—” Her gust of tears interrupts her own words. Seoyeon promptly hugs Sunbin, making her gasp in surprise. “It’s okay, Sunbin-ah; accidents happen all the time,” she says, “please don’t cry, we’re not punishing you or anything.” “B-but—” Seoyeon doesn’t let her make a counterargument, placing a finger on her lips to stop her. “Just worry about your legs first, and then, I want you to remember this instance and warm up properly next time, okay?” Sunbin nods and hugs Seoyeon more tightly. “T-thank you so much, ma’am,” she says tearily.

-

Seoyeon falls onto bed as soon as you enter the bedroom with her after showering. “God, that was such a long day—it's helpful that dinner was very good.” “Thank you for sticking around until the end, love,” you don’t forget to express your gratitude. “That was me both as your secretary and your girlfriend, by the way.” “I know, love, and I’m thankful for you, like I always am.”

Your girlfriend gathers her might and moves to sit. “If you’re that thankful for me, surely you can do me a favor.” “Sure, baby,” you take a knee in front of the bed. “What can I do for you, baby?” “Why don’t you make me cum, hm?” You chuckle. “Yeah, I’d love to—I thought you were tired, though?” Seoyeon shakes her head. “We can pile on some more exhaustion so that we get better sleep.” “Sure, baby.”

You stand back up and stretch a little. “Wouldn’t want to pull a muscle like Sunbin-ie.” Your little joke makes her laugh. “She’s so cute, isn’t she?” “Yeah, that’s something I wouldn’t say—I don’t want to come across as creepy, you know.” Seoyeon pinches your forearm. “You should be more worried about me, if you catch what I’m saying.” “Oh, I know.” You’re getting impatient to start. “Are we ready to start, or no?”

Seoyeon pulls her T-shirt over her head and uses it to cover her body. “Are you okay, love?” “I don’t like this bra,” she says, “I don’t think I look good in it.” A few questions pop up in your head: which bra is this, why does she not like it, and what did she mean “I don’t look good in it,” because Seoyeon looks good in everything and nothing. “Can I look?” She shakes her head. “Turn around, oppa; let me take this off myself.”

You do as she asks and let her do her thing. “Here,” she hands the bra over. You see that it’s a nothing-out-of-ordinary sports bra. “What’s wrong with this, baby?” “It makes my breasts look flat, and I don’t like it—not when I’m trying to have you between my legs.” You scratch your head as you try to come up with something to say. “Baby, look,” you start, still wondering if it’s a good thing to say. “You are attractive, ‘kay? You don’t need to worry about looking flat or whatever, because respectfully, you are very hot.”

Your girlfriend beams and taps your face gently. “Congratulations, you passed the test,” she says. “Test? What do you mean?” “Ah, don’t worry about it, oppa; just know that it was the correct answer.” You’re speechless, unsure of what to make of this situation. “C’mon, oppa, touch me.”

You’re still stumped even after getting rid of your clothes. “Baby—” Your words are cut off when Seoyeon starts stroking you. “C’moooon,” she picks up the pace, “get hard and fuck me already.” It is when she thinks you’re properly hard that she lets go. “There you go—now please fuck me.”

You pretend like you’re about to kiss her, only to turn her around and have her bend over. You place a palm on her pussy to check if she’s really ready. “You can feel how wet I am, can’t you, daddy?” A mix of gasp and moan escapes her lips when you stick two fingers in her pussy. “I-I’m ready for you, daddy,” she states the obvious.

With your cock in hand, you slowly and gently ease it into her, earning a long moan from her until the entirety of your length is inside. “S-say something, daddy; t-tell me I’m good.” The way you’re bending forwards allows you to hold her tits and say words right into her ears without compromising your pace. “You’re always good, baby; I will never get tired of you,” you say, “you’re such a good person on the outside and a sexy lady on the inside—speaking of inside, you’re also so damn tight all the time.” “T-thank you, daddy,” she lets out a moan before continuing, “t-the way you tended to Sunbin-ie was a-attractive, you know.”

You laugh internally; you say what you said because Seoyeon wanted to be praised, but she mentions Sunbin in her reply. “This moment is ours, love; let’s not bring work to bed, hm?” Seoyeon nods slightly. “I-I’m sorry, daddy.”

As a gesture of accepting her apology, you start moving your hips faster to reach that sweet spot of a tempo. Seoyeon then straightens her back so that only her knees are on the bed, and you do the same in cooperation. “Fuck me like this, daddy.” “You love taking me deep, don’t you, baby?” “Oh, oh, yes, I do; I fucking love it when you’re hitting me deep.”

Seoyeon is active today, moving her hips downwards to meet your thrusts in the middle. You reach around and begin stimulating her nub, making her moan louder and faster. “Daddy, daddy,” she chants, “y-you’re going to make me cum.” “Yeah? Is that so?” Your speech is rather breathy at the moment. She turns her head to the side. “Kiss me, daddy.”

Seoyeon, after taking a few dozens of thrusts from you, suddenly slams her hips while screaming from the top of her lungs—poor girl didn’t have the chance to announce her orgasm because of how sudden and hard it hit her. At the same time, her walls are squeezing your shaft really hard.

You notice that she’s getting weak and threatening to tumble forwards, so you fasten your hold of her body to make sure she doesn’t go face first into the bed. “Great job, love—that must’ve felt good, right?” “A-amazing,” she answers weakly. “You’re also amazing, baby.” You send a barrage of kisses to the back of her head (because you don’t have access to her face) to make sure she knows that she’s appreciated.

“D-daddy,” Seoyeon captures your attention again. “C-cum in me, please.” “Gladly, baby—here I go, okay?”

You start off slowly, savoring your girlfriend’s tightness and warmth to the max since you were busy being fast on her earlier. “I love you, baby; I love you so, so much.” “I love you more, daddy—oh, yes, daddy.” You ask if she can help you get closer to orgasm by grinding her hips against yours, and she does just as you ask. “Oh, you’re amazing, baby; you’re always so fucking amazing.”

With a grunt, you release semen into her core, filling her to the brim and earning a very sexy moan from Seoyeon, who immediately falls onto the bed as soon as you let go of her torso. You slowly retreat from her pussy while placing a hand underneath to catch the excess cum. “Oh, you’re holding it in—good work, baby.” “I-I don’t waste your cum ever, do I?” You peck her in the forehead after flipping her over. “That’s true,” you say.

[loveemagicpeace]

12th house & South Node

12th house is the house of the unconscious, the unknown, the hidden, the hidden, the secret, the subconscious, spirituality. Things we can't see but feel. It represents the subconscious and what is hidden within ourselves. It shows how we control our subconscious and how we connect with the subconscious.

South Node represents the energy that we give to others and at the same time the energy that we know and can manage. Energy in which we feel comfortable. The path with which we are more connected and feel more at home in it. Even the habits we have that are familiar to us and in which we feel the most okay. Even the talents that we already have in ourselves and it is not difficult for us to show them to others.

Sun in 12th house-here is hidden your identity and a part of you that you would like others to see . You can often feel that people don't see you in the right light. You have the feeling that no one really "sees" you, and sometimes it can be difficult for you to understand why. Your light shines when no one is looking and when you are all alone.Your hobbies can be related to spiritual things or they can be really mysterious. Your light can manifest itself in many ways. It is importnat to trust yourself. And you will be seen best when you express your sign in the sun.

South Node in 1st house- The first house is about your first breath into the world. That’s the natal placement. Houses twelve, one, and two are said to be about the first phase of life when you’re just a kid trying to learn a world that means nothing to you yet. Sometimes it’s this assumption that the child will work the same jobs that the parent worked. The South Node in the 1st House reflects a personality that is assertive, independent, and focused on self-expression. The individual is learning to balance their self-interest with consideration for others, moving towards a more collaborative and mutually supportive approach in this lifetime. You're comfortable in your own skin and being by yourself. You're used to being by yourself and doing things alone. You can be really independent.

Moon in 12th house- your emotions are hidden and subconsciously you may feel like no one notices your emotions or how you really feel. Many times you can feel other people's feelings or they can be transferred onto you. Sometimes things can make you very sad and you can also cry very quickly (it is very difficult to hold back tears or emotions). Your home can be more unusual or invisible. Later in your life you can live somewhere else or in a country far away from your home. Your feelings can sometimes be unclear or dreamy. Sometimes you can feel things that you can't explain. You can sacrifice a lot emotionally for other people without fully realizing it.

South Node in 2nd house- you are used to being in luxury, having money, material things. You are used to being in control of your things, feelings and well-being. With the South Node in the 2nd house, you might find yourself grappling with karmic lessons around wealth and poverty. This placement often indicates a soul that has known both great wealth and devastating loss. This journey involves moving beyond the need for external validation. You know how to enjoy life and relax. You don't stress about things you have no control over and you know how to be stable in situations. However, this placement can also signify an overemphasis on self-reliance, material attachment, or defining yourself by what you own or have achieved. While you’re naturally gifted in managing practical matters, there’s a tendency to find security through physical or material means alone, sometimes at the expense of deeper, more emotional connections.

Mercury in 12th house-many times you can feel that people do not understand you and that they do not understand your language. Your thoughts can be very subconscious and hidden, even dreamy. Sometimes you can't even define what you're thinking and sometimes it's hard for you to express what you want to say. You can travel a lot around places that are by the water. Mercury brings wealth and travels and the opportunity to settle abroad. It brings growth that can take you from a small position where you started to a leading role on the professional front. You have a very curious mind which means that you might have a good inclination towards knowledge. You are not very interested in savings and believe in spending money on lifestyle as well as necessities. You can have second marriage here. These people are also known for their introverted nature. As far as career is concerned, these people are likely to make their career in a profession like journalism, poetism or as a media person. In yout early 30s, you might face many struggles but might gain happiness in your mid-30s.

South Node in 3rd house- means that this person not only figures out how to do something in a skilled way, they also know the ins and ends of that skill including where it is most applicable and where it is not. They have an idea of what learning the skill might bring to them. You know how to use words to make them come true and you know how to think wisely. You know how to make the most of every day and do things in the day that come in handy. During the day itself, you never feel that it was wasted, but that you learned something new. The path leads you in different directions and many times you like to be unpredictable and like to do things that are not always the same but different every day. You like various stimulations and things related to thinking.

Venus in 12th house- you can feel love on a subconscious level and you can experience a really dream relationship or a relationship you've dreamed about. You can come across a lot of romantic relationships and relationships that are dreamy. You have a lot of love for creation, music, dance, you enjoy your world. You can become a famous creator. This position also makes you fantasize about your sexual desire; and you will be in search of your dream spouse. Venus in the 12th house means that you might be extremely kind to other people and might be well known in a group of friends. You are likewise exceptionally courageous in your life, and you might make a good career out of it. The marriage might be blissful and loaded with experience and voyaging. Your partner might bring prosperity and luck into your life. You can only achieve success if you put in your efforts and take initiatives along with risks. You will be fond of wine and women, enjoy attending pleasurable parties, exotic tourism, royal extravagant life with high expenses. You should be careful while indulging in water sports or any kind of adventure sports.

South Node in 4th house-you are used to being in your comfort zone and with people you know and get along well with. You like to be around people who give you closeness and the feeling that they take care of you and you feel the best in this energy. You are used to your days being connected with your family and that they are the ones who help you a lot and are there for you every step of the way. When the south node is in the fourth house, authority figures tell you exactly what they expect from you. They don’t really beat around the bush here. Someone with their south node in the fourth house is someone who is quite used to being told what they are meant to do and how they’re supposed to go about it by other people.When they are told what to do, they get very angry about it and they push back as hard as they are able or willing. This can be hard to do if you have a bunch of family members or just people in general who all want you to live your life how they want you to. This can also be hard to do when you suspect that other people want to tell you what to do even in instances when they might not.

Mars in 12th house-you can feel the energy of other people. You are very strong and can handle a lot in life. You can handle many dark things in life. You have many talents related to your energy and body. You can have many secret fans. Even men can be obsessed with you and your energy. Mars in 12th house will make you secretive in nature and suppress your emotions. You can also become a writer as the 12th house brings you an expression to portray your experiences very differently from others. Your appearance may be different from your actual persona and your behaviour will always surprise others. You will travel in foreign lands and explore the world and possibilities. You will constantly travel to foreign lands and gain money. Your subconscious mind will always be active and creative, which will make you productive and achieve success. You will have vivid dreams which can be utilised for creativity.

South Node in 5th house- you are used to living like a child and doing things related to your childhood. You can be very connected to your inner child and feel more intuitive when you are in your child energy. You are used to getting attention from others and always being in the foreground. You proudly show off your talents and hobbies and love to share this page with others. This feels quite comfortable when dealing with the joyful aspects of life. Parties, dancing, art, flirting and casual sex are some of the things he has been practicing a lot during previous lifetimes.Your approach towards life was not so serious, as you preferred to enjoy moments rather than build some concrete life strategy to follow. In addition, with the South Node in the 5th house, the person might like to play with his luck. You might be comfortable with attention and expressing your individuality but could find it difficult to prioritize shared or group-oriented goals.

Jupiter in 12th house-You are very lucky, especially in accidents or some such events. Natives with this placement are naturally inclined toward introspection, healing, and exploring the mysteries of life. They possess a deep sense of empathy, often dedicating their time to charitable work and helping others. Natives with this placement have a natural inclination toward spirituality, meditation, and the pursuit of wisdom. They seek answers to profound questions about life, the universe, and the afterlife. You can heal others with your energy. Jupiter in 12th house blesses you with many opportunities to travel long distances to foreign land that will prove beneficial for you. You will be very spiritual and religious in your attitude and keep yourself occupied in related activities, which will bring joy and satisfaction to you. You may have instances in life when there will be hospital related expenditures for your own self or someone else related to you. You need to take care of your health and be very particular about your diet.

South Node in 6th house- you are used to taking care of others. Maybe since your early years you were a person who did a lot for others and was used to working. You feel quite comfortable when following strict daily routines and is concentrated on labor. You are good at organizing your time, while also pay too much attention to your health. You were probably a workaholic, whose health can have been afflicted due to your stressful everyday reality. You usually grow up in such a way that you are full of responsibilities. You are instructed to become good servants, willing machines for others to use. You learn to sacrifice your time to fulfill various duties, and structure your reality in a repetitive way of patterns. Curiously enough, you can feel comfortable with that role and even not care to change it. Of course, this is exactly what such a person must not do. You karmic challenge is the relinquishment of duties imposed by others, and turning towards self-seeking experiences.

Saturn in 12th house- you can have a lot of karma in this life to process and at the same time you can attract a lot of karmic people, things and situations. Saturn here can be quite stressful at times, because you feel as if you cannot find peace in your subconscious. Maybe you also have rules or limited thoughts about spirituality and things related to it in general. The individual may experience a strong sense of responsibility towards charitable or behind-the-scenes work. You will become ambitious and enjoy success in every department of life. You will be very close to your family and will get all kinds of nourishment and significant support from them. It restricts your peace of mind and increases your quest for spirituality. By age 28 and 30, you will slowly be enlightened and achieve growth in life. You might become one of the most powerful persons by entering politics. Saturn in this position will also make you unravel the mystic truth. You will acquire ancestral properties without obstructions. You will become ambitious and enjoy success in every department of life.

South Node in 7th house- you are used to being in a relationship and you are used to your partner always being with you. Maybe it's hard for you to be alone or imagine living alone. All your life you were surrounded by people and fans and people who adored you and found you beautiful. This can indicate that you have a habit of repeating relationship patterns from the past, which can lead to challenges in respecting your own needs. With that said, many people come to the conclusion that this is a bad placement to have or that these individuals are better off alone. In a past life or earlier in this life, you may have focused on finding balance, harmony, and fulfillment through one-on-one relationships. You may have a tendency to prioritize others, possibly at the expense of your own needs or individuality. You may feel most comfortable when you have someone by your side, which can lead to difficulty asserting your own needs and standing strong independently.

🎸For personal readings u can sign up here: https://snipfeed.co/bekylibra 🎸

Part 2 is coming

-Rebekah🦋🧸🪐

[snowysosturn]

Allies or Affiliates? - Chris Sturniolo Part 3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Finale

Pairing : Y/n x Chris Sturniolo

Summary : Law student Y/n’s life takes a turn when she reconnects with Chris, her brief teenage flame who is now a dealer for a dangerous Boston drug gang. As their bond reignites, Y/n is drawn into Chris’s tumultuous world, where rival gangs clash and loyalty is everything. Balancing her love for Chris with her own ambitions, can their connection survive the chaos that threatens to pull them apart?

Warnings : MDNI, mentions of drugs, mentions of court, mentions of shootings

Chris’s POV

It was early Saturday morning when Nate showed up at my place, looking like he hadn’t slept a minute. He’d just been let go from the police station after being kept overnight. I could tell from the way his eyes darted around that he was still a little on edge. It wasn’t the first time Nate had found himself in trouble, but this was different. Getting arrested for carrying too much weed while being tied up with our crew was a whole new level of risky.

Nate and I were both part of the Crimson Cartel, a gang deeply embedded in Boston’s streets. His family had been involved for as long as I could remember, and his cousin Danny was one of the big players. I got pulled into it all because of Nate - our friendship was solid, and when he joined, it wasn’t long before I did too. 

“Got a joint, bro?”  Nate asked, his eyes already scanning the kitchen for one.

I laughed. “Seriously? You just got back from being arrested for possession, and you want to smoke up?”

“Hell yeah. What else am I gonna do?” He shrugged like it was no big deal.

I liked the occasional joint. It helped take the edge off, helped me relax when things got too hectic. But that was it - just weed, nothing harder. I knew where to draw the line. Sure, I sold drugs, but I didn’t get involved with any of the other shit. That was strictly for the older guys in the Crimson Cartel. Those were the ones who handled the hits, the intimidation, the gruesome work. They had been in the game for years, hardened by it. Nate and I, we were different.

We were the youngest in the gang - Me being 21, and Nate just 20, everyone else was 30+. We’d been involved since we were 16 & 17. Our job was simple: handle the drug runs, get the product from one place to another. No blood on our hands, no breaking bones or taking lives. It was a clean line, or at least that’s what I told myself. I wasn’t in this for the violence. Shit, I wasn’t even in this by choice, one bad decision snowballed, and now this was my life. My family freaked the fuck out when they found out. Kicked me out, didn’t want anything to do with me. That’s how I ended up living with my uncle Jerry, just trying to get by. I guess it helped having an uncle who liked to smoke too.

Just sell it – that’s what I kept reminding myself. I was good at it. I didn’t have to hurt anyone. I didn’t have to be like the older guys who let the gang swallow them whole. I wasn’t a thug, and I wasn’t going to become one. That’s how I stayed sane in all this.

The older guys in the cartel, though – they didn’t think like that. For them, it wasn’t just about the money. It was about power, about making a name for themselves on the streets of Boston. Nate and I didn’t fit into that. We were runners, sure, but we kept ourselves out of the violent shit. Nate had a reckless streak growing up, especially when he was with his cousin Danny, but even he didn’t want to cross that line.

Still, the older we got, the harder it became to stay in our lane. The more we were around, the more they expected from us. Every time I handed off a package, there was always this nagging feeling that eventually, they’d want more. Nate and I had managed to avoid that side of the cartel for now, but I knew it wouldn’t last forever. There’s only so long you can run drugs before they start pulling you deeper in.

The truth was, this life had a way of blurring those lines. Sure, I wasn’t involved in any hits, but I was part of the same machine that funded them. Every deal I made, every bag I handed off, it all contributed to something bigger, something more dangerous. As much as I tried to keep myself at arm’s length from the bloodshed, I was still part of the problem. And deep down, I knew it. But I had to keep telling myself that it was different. That I was different. As long as I stayed on the edges of it, as long as I kept my head down and just did the runs, I wouldn’t have to cross that line. I wouldn’t have to become like Vince or Danny or any of the others who’d let the cartel define them.

We headed out the side gate of my bungalow and settled into the backyard. It was chilly, but the kind of brisk Boston morning you get used to. I pulled out a joint, lit it up, and handed it over as Nate slouched back into one of the old chairs. As he took a deep drag, I asked, “So, what the hell happened?”

He exhaled slowly, the smoke curling up into the air. “Man, it was a mess. I was out helping Danny and Sully with a run. You know, just moving some weight, nothing crazy. But then Danny got a call, said one of the big guys from H Block was back in town, and he couldn’t let that slide.”

I nodded, knowing all too well how territorial things had gotten lately between us and H Block.

“So, next thing I know, we’re driving down Charles Street, street was silent as fuck not a sinner on the place. I’d just smoked a joint and was high as hell when Danny starts shooting. I panicked when the shots went off and I hopped out the car. The car took off, and I was stuck there like a damn fool.”

I couldn’t help but shake my head. “You didn’t try to get back in?”

“Nah, man. They were gone, and I freaked out. I didn’t want to stick around a crime scene, so I ran. Ended up at the Public Garden trying to blend in, but it’s October so I’m sat there freezing my ass off. Eventually, I had to leave, but cops were swarming everywhere and I’m still high as fuck so of course, I run into them.”

I laughed a little at the irony, but it quickly faded when he said, “They nailed me for carrying more than the legal amount of weed and suspicion of selling. And there’s already whispers about me being involved in the shooting. If that gets out, I’m screwed.”

“Jesus, Nate. So, what happens now?” I asked, taking the joint back from him.

“I’ve got until Monday to figure things out. That’s when my court appearance is.” Nate said, leaning back in his chair as though he wasn’t too worried.

I took a deep breath. “So, less than 48 hours?”

He nodded, eyes half lidded as the weed hit him. “Yeah, but my record’s clean. It’s the first time I’ve ever been caught with anything, so I should get off light. Worst case? A fine and some community service. I doubt they’ll throw me in jail.”

I passed the joint back to him. “And they don’t have anything solid linking you to the hit?”

“Not yet, I mean from what I remember no one else was around.” he said, exhaling smoke. “But you know how it is. If they start digging, anything could come up.”

I sat there, processing everything. Nate was right, he might be fine, but there was always the chance the cops would sniff out something worse. “You want me to do anything?”

“Yeah, actually” he said, rubbing his hands together. “I’m supposed to do a run in Roxbury tomorrow, but with the heat on me, I need to lay low. Can you cover it?”

I thought about it for a second. It wasn’t like I had anything better to do. “Yeah, I’ll take care of it.”

Nate nodded, looking relieved. He gave me the address, and I pulled out my phone to type it into my notes app. As I did, I noticed a drop down notification that made me freeze.

“@y/ny/l/n2 liked your photo.”

I blinked, staring at the screen. Y/n Y/l/n? It had been years since I’d heard that name. Curious, I clicked the notification, but by the time the app loaded, it was gone. There was no mention of her like, no new activity on the post. Weird.

Nate noticed I was distracted. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, just.. an old name popped up” I said, pocketing my phone.

“Old girl?” he teased, a grin forming on his face.

“Something like that” I muttered, still thinking about Y/n. I hadn’t seen or spoke to her in years, but I couldn’t deny that her name stirred something in me. We had a brief thing back in 2018, nothing too serious, but I always had a soft spot for her.

Nate eventually decided to head home, needing some rest after his long night in the station. I waved him off, but my thoughts kept drifting back to Y/n.

What was she up to these days? Was she still in Boston? Why did she like my post after all this time? What made her look at my Instagram?

That night, I went over everything for the run tomorrow, making sure I had everything in place. But no matter how much I tried to focus, I couldn’t stop thinking about Y/n.

She was one of those girls who left a mark on you, no matter how brief things had been. And even though it had been years, I couldn’t help but wonder what seeing her again might be like.

Monday came faster than I expected, and I found myself standing outside the Boston Municipal Court with Nate. He looked calm, or at least as calm as he could be given the situation. But I knew better. Nate always tried to play it cool, even when he was freaking out on the inside.

We hadn’t talked much since Saturday, and I could tell the nerves were starting to hit him now. His foot tapped restlessly on the courthouse steps as we waited for his case to be called. The morning air was crisp, the fall chill creeping in, and it wasn’t helping either of us settle.

“You’ll be fine” I muttered, trying to reassure him.

He gave me a tight smile. “Yeah, let’s hope so. Just gotta get through this.”

When they finally called Nate’s name, we both stood, making our way inside. The courtroom was filled with the usual mix of people – lawyers, family members, defendants. Everyone there for one reason or another, all waiting for their fate to be decided. As much as Nate tried to shrug it off, this was serious. The rumors about the hit on Charles Street were swirling, and we both knew if they got any real evidence, he was screwed.

Nate’s lawyer made a decent argument – first time offense, clean record, no solid evidence tying him to anything worse than possession. They dragged it out longer than I thought they would, but in the end, the judge gave his ruling.

“A charitable donation of $2,000 and 50 hours of community service” the judge announced, his voice echoing through the courtroom.

“Additionally, Mr. Doe, you are expected to refrain from any drug related activities for the next 12 months. Any violation of this order will result in harsher consequences.”

The words were like a weight being lifted off Nate’s shoulders. He was let off easy. I knew he’d be able to pay the fine without blinking, and the community service? It was nothing. But the whole “refrain from drug related activities” part? That was funny. We both knew that wasn’t happening. Nate just had to make sure he didn’t get caught.

As soon as the court was adjourned, I felt the tension drain out of me. Nate’s future was safe, for now. I clapped him on the back as we left the courtroom. “See? Not so bad.”

Nate grinned, shaking his head. “Yeah, man, I guess I got lucky.”

But even though things had turned out okay, I needed to get out of there. The courtroom felt too small, too confined. I needed air, space to think, and to breathe. I left as fast as I could, practically jogging out of the courthouse doors and into the cool October breeze. It hit me like a wave, and I inhaled deeply, trying to clear my head.

That’s when I saw her.

The most strikingly beautiful girl I’d seen in years. A face that was hard to forget. Something in my chest tightened as I watched her walk across the courtyard, almost in slow motion. She was looking down at her phone, completely unaware of my presence.

And then it hit me. I knew that girl.

Wait-Y/n?

The same Y/n I hadn’t seen since 2018. The same Y/n who had been on my mind all weekend after that weird Instagram notification.

My feet were frozen in place, and for a second, I felt like time had stopped. There she was, standing just a few feet away, as if fate had decided to throw us back together after all these years.

Y/n.

What the hell were the odds?

I didn’t know if I should walk up to her or just keep my distance, but before I could make a decision, she looked up from her phone and our eyes locked. My heart skipped a beat.

There was no avoiding it now.

Y/n’s Pov

"Y/n?" His voice was deeper than I remembered, smooth yet surprised.

I blinked, still in awe of how good looking he still was. He had that same disheveled charm, the messy brown hair, sharp jawline, and those piercing eyes that always seemed to see right through me. Only now, he was taller, broader. He had grown into himself, and it was impossible to ignore.

"Chris" I breathed, trying to act casual but failing miserably. "Wow, it’s been a while."

"It really has" he said with that signature smirk of his. "It’s nice to see you. You look great."

I could feel my cheeks heating up. "Thanks. You too."

We stood there for a moment, just taking each other in. It was surreal, seeing him after all these years. I didn’t even know what to say or where to start.

"So.. what are you doing here?" I asked, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

He chuckled lightly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Nate got into a bit of trouble, as you probably saw in there. I’m just here to support him."

"Right" I nodded, still trying to wrap my head around everything. Chris and Nate, in court. A few years ago, I never would’ve pictured it, well maybe Nate but not so much Chris.

"How’s life treating you?" he said, eyes scanning me in that way that made my heart flutter. 

"It’s good, actually. Just finishing up a big project for college. Still getting used to all the work, but I like it."

He nodded, his gaze softening. "I’m glad to hear it. You always had your head on straight."

Before I could respond, Nate appeared, walking up to us with his usual nonchalance. He looked at Chris first, then at me, a flicker of recognition passing across his face.

"I’ll wait for you in the car, man" Nate said, slapping Chris on the back before giving me a nod. "Nice seeing you."

I returned the gesture, watching as Nate sauntered off. It was so strange, seeing both of them like this. Nate barely glanced back, disappearing down the steps toward the parking lot. My eyes flicked back to Chris, who was still watching me with that familiar intensity.

"We should hang out sometime" he said, almost casually, but there was something more to it.

My stomach did a flip. "Yeah, that would be nice."

Chris smiled, a genuine one that sent my pulse racing again. "You’re still living in Beacon Hill, right?"

I shook my head. "No, we moved once I started college. My parents wanted a bigger house in a quieter area, so we’re out in Brookline now."

He nodded, while giving me a soft smirk. "That’s cool. I’ve still got you on Instagram. I’ll shoot you a message, and we can figure something out."

The casual mention of Instagram made my face burn. He definitely saw the notification. I could feel the heat rising up my neck. But if he knew, he didn’t say anything. He just gave me that same charming smile, one that felt all too familiar.

"Yeah, sounds good" I mumbled, trying to keep my cool.

With one last glance, he gave me a quick nod before turning to leave. I watched as he walked away, feeling the blood rush to my face. The way he moved, the effortless confidence - it all hit me at once.

Chris was back in my life, just like that. And somehow, it felt like things were about to get a lot more complicated.

a/n: first chris povvvv

taglist: @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss @lvrsturniolo @slutniolo @spaghetti835928383 @marrykisskilled @sturnsxplr-25 @bxtchboy69

[thatfrailsoul]

– Parts of me that I seek in you

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

When we strive to connect, to know someone... There are many different reasons for which our heart calls more for one person than the other. The appearance, the ways, their mind or heart, their actions or deepest goals and desires... No matter what it is, there is always that something that makes them shine in the darkness that surrounds us. And, very often, that something is the same as the one that we lost, can't find in ourselves... So we desperately look for it in others. With such perseverance and obsessive need that, sometimes, we allow it to lead us to those that perhaps, at the end, we would've preferred to not meet.

So what is it? What you miss in yourself but so desperately need? Where or when did you lose it? And where and how can you finally find that missing piece?

Slow down for a moment. Breathe. Listen to your heart, to its rhythm. Allow it to speak to you. And choose the image that seems so familiar, so similar to what you feel. Remembering that, whatever the message might be, you are free to listen to it or to let go. Without the need to make it fit. Because your true answer will always find you, the moment you will be really ready and will have the need.

_

– Pile One,

the star, the ten of cups and the fool.

Your poor and innocent soul... Your tired heart, your consumed mind... The only thing you ever wanted, the one that you wanted back then, was simply to leave it all behind. All that pain, all that fear. All the reasons why you couldn't ever be enough or right for someone, for anyone, that for once you just desired to don't hear... You found the last bits of your strength, patience and courage, all that remained in your shattered heart. And you used them to try to heal. All those numerous wounds, so many that it just feels like a whole and single, draining, torturing, one.

But what did it give you, in exchange of this incredible resilience to try to heal? Only a little relief, a little distraction... That hid that hole that was becoming bigger and bigger, with each time that you worked on - or to be exact forced - the healing of your soul.

And this is the thing. This is what ruined it all, what made it so difficult and challenging. What influenced so many others areas of your life... One little but so important detail about who you are, the way you are. And how much you got used in this life to beat yourself up, blaming for every single disgrace that you experienced... How often you repeated it, demonstrated it to yourself with every step that was supposed to help you heal. You never were gentle, patient, understanding. You never gave yourself credit for how many right things and choices you made. Or how many others mistakes never were really yours, but of somebody else. You did none of this. But only focused on rushing, on becoming better, on healing faster, growing, so you could be sooner worthy and ready to show what a good person you are to this world. You were angry, frustrated, ashamed. You despised yourself for needing healing and learning in the first place. You regretted every single additional day that you needed to get it together. Only noticing how many flows you still have, how many wounds are still bleeding, how many triggers you still can't endure.

Your desire, your intention, was so good... So innocent, genuine and truly right. But so quickly and scarily naturally it became just another cage and punishment that you gave yourself. Changing the whole purpose, the whole meaning, of a journey that is so pure. That was never supposed to be so rushed, give you so quickly those results that now you are so angry to don't see manifesting in your world... And that you decided, unconsciously or perhaps not, to look for in others. The ones that seem so beautiful, so healthy and whole. The ones that seem to go through life so gracefully, no matter the obstacles or challenges on their path. The ones that seem to be able to influence you so positively, if only you stay close to them, showing you the right ways and directions. Supporting you, helping you in doing it correctly, like you seem incapable of doing on your own.

But, no matter how much we adore to think the opposite, we indeed are the only ones responsible for our journey. For our battles, our victories or our loss. No matter how supportive, how close others are, they still can't really help us. Not when we don't allow even our own self to do the needed work. You can't fight through it, not this journey. You can't do it with the only motivation and push being your own meanness, judgment and resentement for the things that you dared to do or not. You can't be there, behind your own back, looking closely at every your step and action, ready to attack if you don't do it right.

But you can allow yourself to take more time. To be slower. To make more mistakes. To feel once again that pain, if it's the one that still overwhelms your heart. You can remember. You can reflect. Learn something from it. Or maybe not. Because it is normal, it is right, to take time to heal, to go through it with all the needed ups and downs.

And you can still do it. You can continue this journey changing your pace and rhythm, or simply starting from scratch. You can and need to do it. Because no-one else can help and guide you, as you can do to your own self. By being gentle and understanding with your heart and mind, that indeed do their best to allow you to feel and experience this life.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

– Pile Two,

the magician, the fool and the page of swords

You have something so beautiful, so unique, within yourself. Such passion that, if not explored and shared, can consume you inevitably. Consume that power that you sometimes forget to have. So you always took care of it. You always nourished it. In the moments when it felt as natural as breathing, and even in those where it was too similar to a torture, that need to create and do something but without any idea on why, how to start or from where. And even if, thanks to you and your deepest love, this passion and calling did survive... It is starting to fade now. Submerged with all the questions and doubts about whether or not it is worth it, if you are good enough to do it at all, if it is really that important... All because for quite sometime you were the only admirer and supporter of your work.

You are wavering, your steps and actions as you create become more and more unstable, as every inspiration or idea seems not enough to be worthy of the success, even just appreciation that you want. But this something... Is so yours, so made perfectly just for you and to express your soul... That you can't really just leave it. You can't just stop doing it, even if it is becoming hard to be satisfied as you used to, because you so naturally always gravitate back to creating and allowing your mind and heart to speak up through every step of your work. So you keep going, with a non consistent rhythm, many set backs, infinite doubts... Doing it, because you feel this need and desire so much. But not really enjoying it anymore. Because in the eyes of others it never seems good enough, and therefore it doesn't feel enough for your own self. For the one that, in the first place, you were supposedly creating it for.

It is so natural and normal to have the desire to share, to welcome others in your universe in a sense, to show them who you are or how you see this world... But what starts so innocently and genuinely, a way to connect to others and don't feel so different or not understood, an alternative type of motivation and fuel for your creativity even... is so often soon to become exactly what kills it, overwhelming your every idea with the judgment of others, and their way of seeing the world.

It just shifted your perspective, about yourself and your work. It made you feel little, insignificant, too simple or too much, confronted to what others seem to consider deserving and worthy of their attention and love. It made you feel useless, because when your creation was ignored, you felt like what was really being rejected was your soul that spoke through your work.

And time after time, day after day, this calling became so faint, almost non existent. Not because it is really going away... But because you are just the one that tries so desperately to ignore it and to not hear it. Convinced that following it would be useless, without anyone appreciating and admiring what you do. Convinced that doing it for your own self and enjoyment is not really worth it, because it doesn't give you any income, any fame, any support and appreciation from others. Convinced that it is only and simply a waste of time.

But is it? Is it really completely useless if you are the only one to whom you dedicate the creations of your soul? Or does it give you a chance to feel and experience this world in your own way, processing those emotions and thoughts, reinventing them? Does it give you back the ability to breathe and feel at ease, once you allow everything that overwhelms you flow out through your work? Does it fill your time with excitement and enjoyment? Does it give you a safe place, that allows you to rest and hide from everything else? Does it make you feel proud of who you are and what you did, what you were able to create with your own mind and hands? Because even if it does only one of these things... Than it is worth it. Because this is what gives you the energy and fuel to live this life, to appreciate it, to go through it. Having something that always protects and expresses your soul.

You can't do only what assures you the interest or appreciation of others. You can't do it for so long as you are planning or trying to do. You can't do it without constantly feeling on autopilot, thrown from one work to another, trying to satisfy every one of them in hopes that in return they will support your work. It is not true to you. It is not what you want or need. It is not even something that you can do, the things that they want. It is only a play, of which you are trying to learn all the phrases and rhythm, but that you can keep up with only for so long.

This life is not unfair, wrong, useless, a constant and neverending annoying and painful cycle. But it is this way for you, who doesn't have anymore that tiny but vital component - the language of your soul. You are suppressing it, you are limiting it and judging. For what? For whom? For what reason? This is not something that needs to be enough or good for others. It is not something that needs to give you incredible success, wealth or recognition. It can, but before any of that it needs only to be something that you enjoy. Truly and simply.

You don't need to find new ideas, ways, hobbies, interests, sports, studies, paths to explore - you just need to comeback to what you already know that you love. And welcome it in your Iife, starting doing it again and more. Just for your own fun and enjoyment, that will overflow from your heart to every other aspect of your life. Connecting everything, and making it free from the torture of unsatisfaction and frustration that you endure.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

– Pile Three,

the devil, the justice and the star

Sometimes we cross paths with those that perhaps we weren't meant to be with, we weren't meant to create and have the same story as the one we desired and pictured so well. It happens. It hurts. Then, eventually, it goes away. But when it happens again and again, one person after another... One betrayal, lie or misunderstanding after the other... How can one not notice the one element that connects them all - themselves? How can one not think, even in the slightest, that perhaps it is not working out because of who and how they are?

So one dives into it, tries to remember every single moment, analyse their own ways, with the desperate need to find that wrong something and change it, making everything in themselves right again. With the need to demonstrate that it is something that can be changed and that it won't be this way forever. That they can and will be better, more worthy, more right, and for this reason chosen by someone. And perhaps they do find it, that something, they work on it day and night, fight their own demons and who they are, and come out of it brand new. They put themselves out there, open up to people and try genuinely to connect... And then it happens all over again. The same pain, confusion, uncertainty, doubts, betrayal or a broken heart. But they did the work right? They changed, or did they not? And there it goes the fear of not being worthy no matter what, of being destined to loneliness and hurt, or perhaps of not doing enough. And some collapse, they hide, and try with all their forces to make themselves enough, to not need anyone else in their life. While others... Others don't say it out loud. Don't think about it. Hide it deep down. And try to make things work no matter what it means to accept and endure, just to not have yet another person leaving them behind.

And you... You are doing it right now. With them, or with others in your life. Subtly, unconsciously, you force yourself to stay. No matter the words you hear, the actions you see, the promises that you know are already broken and mean nothing to the person by your side. You stay. Because walking away might mean that there never will be someone else, that you will be the only one you will have.

It is difficult and painful to think about being somehow different and wrong, never enough. It is even more difficult to try to work on it and change yourself. It is difficult to face not only the pain but also the loneliness. To feel that fear of living this way forever creeping on you with each day. So staying, trying to be more understanding, patient, docile, considerate, delicate, silent and comfortable for others... Seems indeed less difficult and scary, because in return they too will stay. Even when it is clear that you are torturing and consuming yourself. Even when you so clearly and surely know that the way you are treated is not okay at all. All for that acceptance, that tiny affection, even if not genuine. All for those things that you think you will never be able to find in yourself, and might not find once the people that are now in your life will not be here anymore. A void that, perhaps, won't ever be filled with another person, with another connection or love.

But by convincing yourself to adapt to others and what they look for or don't love... You did exactly that one thing that will not allow people who are genuinely interested in you to come closer. Not when that place in your life is already occupied by another someone. Not when you show so ardently and persistently that the way you are treated is what you want.

A right person - the one that is interested in you exactly the way you are, not less not more - even when so close to you to see you... Will never be able to do something, to help you, to take you out of this play pretend and torture... Because no one can do what should start from you, what you should be ready to finally to do: to protect yourself, t be treated right, to be loved and appreciated for the way you are.

It is safe, please believe me. It is safe for you to be who you are. It is safe for you to don't accept scraps of love and attention from others. It is safe if you walk away from those who can't find that one thing they want in you, who is already perfectly fine and enough. It is safe for you to don't force it. It is safe for you to let them all go. Because the space they will leave behind them is not something so negative as you convince yourself to be. It is not a sign of loss. It is only more space for your own self to grow, to bloom, to be who you are. To shine so proudly and brightly and to be seen by those who will notice and love you. And not the ways you can adapt to someone elses need, desire or mood.

P.s. If you would like to receive a more personal message and guidance about your situation - find out all about it here!♡

_

[roseyly]

𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕 - 𝙻𝙷𝚂

Pairing: Older!Heeseung x Younger!reader genre: angst, stangers to friends to lovers to stangers again. Warnings: Smut, angst, hee being an asshole Synopsis: Y/N, an 18-year-old university student, was immersed in her studies until she met Heeseung, a confident 26-year-old. Their friendship quickly deepened, and Y/N found herself captivated by his kindness and charm. At first, the age difference didn’t matter, as their connection felt effortless. But over time, Heeseung grew more distant, and Y/N began to feel the weight of their age gap. She cherished their memories but wondered if their lives were too different to bridge. Could they rekindle their connection, or was it time to accept that their paths might lead them in separate directions? Note: This was inspired by All too well by Taylor swift.

—The start we tell

I was 18 when I first met Heeseung. He was 26, a graduate student at the prestigious university in our city. I was a freshman, wide-eyed and full of dreams. Our paths crossed at the library, a place I frequented to escape the noise and chaos of campus life. He was engrossed in a book, his face etched with concentration. I was drawn to him, his quiet intensity, the way he seemed so lost in his own world.

“May I sit here?” I asked, pointing to the empty seat next to him.

He looked up, his eyes widening slightly. “Sure,” he replied, his voice soft.

We started talking, and it was like we’d known each other forever. He was intelligent, witty, and kind. He had a way of making me feel seen and understood. Our conversations were endless, spanning from philosophy to pop culture. I was captivated by his mind, his passion for life.

“You’re really smart,” I told him one day after we had been discussing a particularly complex topic.

He smiled. “Thanks. You’re not too bad yourself."

One chilly afternoon, the library was quieter than usual. Heeseung suggested we grab some coffee from the campus café. As we walked side by side, the brisk air wrapped around us, and I couldn’t help but steal glances at him. The way he brushed his hair from his forehead, the spark in his eyes—it made my heart race.

“Do you think people are more interesting in books or in real life?” he asked as we settled into a corner of the café with our steaming mugs.

“Real life, definitely,” I replied, leaning forward. “Books are great, but nothing beats the unpredictability of a real conversation.”

Heeseung chuckled, his eyes twinkling. “You make a compelling argument.”

As we talked and laughed, I noticed the way his gaze lingered on me, a softness that made my heart flutter.

One evening, as we were leaving the library, a light drizzle began to fall. Heeseung instinctively held out his arm, offering me his jacket.

“Here, take this,” he said, wrapping it around my shoulders.

The fabric smelled like him—warm and comforting. I could feel his body heat radiating from it, and for a moment, everything else faded away.

“Thanks,” I murmured, glancing up at him.

He was looking at me, his expression a mix of concern and admiration. “I didn’t want you to get cold.”

Our eyes locked, and I felt a rush of warmth spread through me. It was then that I realized—I was falling for him.

One night, we found ourselves studying together in my dorm room. The stress of exams hung heavy in the air, but as we sat on the floor surrounded by books, something shifted between us. I leaned back against the wall, letting out a sigh.

“Why do you put so much pressure on yourself?” Heeseung asked, concern lacing his voice.

“I just want to do well,” I replied, trying to hide my insecurities.

He shifted closer, our shoulders brushing against each other. “You’re already doing great. Just remember to take care of yourself too.”

His words, simple yet profound, pierced through my worries. I turned to look at him, and in that moment, I saw a depth of understanding and care that made my heart swell.

“Thank you, Heeseung,” I whispered, feeling vulnerable.

He met my gaze, and for a heartbeat, I thought he might lean in and kiss me. The tension hung in the air, palpable and intoxicating. But instead, he smiled softly, and we returned to our studies, the moment lingering between us like an unfinished thought.

—The Confession

A few weeks later, we were watching the sunset from the rooftop of my dorm. The sky was painted in hues of orange and pink, and as I leaned against the railing, I felt a sense of peace wash over me. Heeseung stood next to me, his presence grounding.

“I wish I could capture this moment,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

He turned to me, his expression serious. “You know, some moments are meant to be felt, not captured.”

I glanced at him, my heart racing. “What do you mean?”

He took a deep breath, as if weighing his words carefully. “I mean… some moments define us. Like this one. I’ve been feeling something for a while now, and I can’t ignore it anymore.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, my heart pounding in my chest.

He took a step closer, his eyes never leaving mine. “I think I’m falling for you.”

I felt a rush of emotion—a mix of disbelief and exhilaration. “Heeseung, I—”

Before I could finish, he continued, “I know there’s an age difference, and I know we started as friends, but you’ve become so important to me. I can’t help how I feel.”

His honesty swept over me like a tidal wave, and I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “I feel the same way.”

A smile broke across his face, and in that moment, everything fell into place.

—One Night at His Apartment

One evening, we sat by the fireplace in Heeseung's cozy apartment, the atmosphere thick with unspoken feelings. The crackling flames cast dancing shadows on our faces. We were laughing, recounting the first night we had spent together, our early days when everything felt so pure and full of possibility.

“Do you ever feel like there's something more between us?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper, seeking reassurance that the love I thought we shared was still there.

Heeseung hesitated. His heart seemed to pound in the tense silence, but he finally responded, “I do. I think I've been feeling it for a while now.”

Relief washed over me, and we spent the rest of the night together, locked in a moment that felt perfect. We danced in the kitchen, the refrigerator light blinking rhythmically, casting a soft, hypnotic glow over the room. The music wasn’t playing, but we moved as if it was—slow, deliberate, as if we had all the time in the world.

*“There we are again in the middle of the night, we’re dancing ‘round the kitchen in the refrigerator light…”*

His hands were warm as they gently held mine, pulling me closer to him. The way he looked at me, with so much tenderness, made me feel as though nothing else mattered. He kissed me softly, and I kissed him back, our movements becoming more intense as desire built between us.

“I’m ready, Heeseung. I want you too.”

He leaned in, his lips meeting mine in a soft, lingering kiss. I responded eagerly, my hands reaching up to tangle in his hair. Our bodies pressed together, the heat between us growing as our kiss deepened.

His hands were warm as they gently held mine, pulling me closer to him. The way he looked at me, with so much tenderness, made me feel as though nothing else mattered. He kissed me softly, and I kissed him back, our movements becoming more intense as desire built between us. "I'm ready, Heeseung. I want you too," I whispered, my breath hitching as I spoke.

He leaned in, his lips meeting mine in a soft, lingering kiss. I responded eagerly, my hands reaching up to tangle in his hair. Our bodies pressed together, the heat between us growing as our kiss deepened.

Suddenly, Heeseung pulled away, his breath coming in ragged gasps. "Y/N, I don't want to rush this. I want to take my time and make sure you're comfortable."

I nodded, feeling a shiver of anticipation run down my spine. "I trust you, Heeseung. I know you'll take care of me."

Heeseung began to kiss my neck, making his way down to my breasts. He took one nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it and causing me to moan with pleasure. His hand continued to stroke my other breast, and I could feel my arousal building. He leaned in again, his lips finding mine once more. This time, his kiss was more urgent, more demanding. I moaned, feeling his tongue slip between my lips as he explored my mouth.

As we kissed, Heeseung's hands began to wander, caressing my body through my clothes.

Heeseung's hand moved down between my legs, and he began to stroke my clit. I was already so wet, and I could feel myself getting close.

"I want to taste you, Y/N," Heeseung said, his voice low and husky.

He pulled off my pants and my panties and spread my legs wide. He leaned in, his tongue darting out to taste me. I moaned, my hips bucking up as he began to lick and suck my clit.

Heeseung's fingers slipped inside me, and he began to fuck me with them. It felt incredible, and I could feel my orgasm building.

"Heeseung, I want to taste you too," I said, my voice breathless.

“Fuck baby, you don’t have too” Heeseung said, groaning.

I sat up, pushing him down onto the bed. I pulled down his pants, freeing his hard cock. I leaned down, and said “I want to” taking him into my mouth. I could taste his precum, and it only made me want him more.

I sucked and stroked his cock, feeling him grow harder in my mouth. He moaned, his hands tangling in my hair as I bobbed my head up and down.

"Fuck, Y/N," he gasped, his hips bucking up.

I pulled back, stroking his cock with my hand. I could feel him getting close to the edge. He groaned, his hips bucking up as he came and got a tissue. “You can spit it out here baby,” he said. I swallowed it, swallowing every drop of his cum. and let my tongue out to let him see it. “Holy sh*t, baby, you swallowed it? ”He said. I nodded and said, “I wanted to taste you.” "Fuck, you’re going to be the death of me,” he said, groaning. Heeseung's hand moved lower, down to my pussy again. He slipped his fingers inside, groaning as he felt how wet I was.

"You're so ready for me, Y/N," he said, his voice filled with awe.

I nodded, biting my lip as he began to stroke my clit. It felt amazing.

"Heeseung, please," I begged, feeling my orgasm building. 

"Are you sure you're ready for this, Y/N?" he asked, his voice strained with desire.

"Yes, please, Heeseung. I want you inside me."

He didn't need any more encouragement. Heeseung pulled out a condom and put it on,

He pushed inside, filling me up completely. I cried out, my nails digging into his shoulders as he began to thrust."Are you ready, Y/N?" he asked, his voice low and husky.

I nodded, biting my lip as I felt him position himself at my entrance. He pushed inside, slowly and gently. I moaned as I felt him fill me up, my hips bucking up to meet his. It felt incredible, better than anything I had ever imagined. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him deeper inside me.

"Harder, Heeseung," I begged, my voice hoarse with desire. His movements were slow and deliberate. He looked into my eyes, and I could see the desire burning in his gaze.

He began to thrust, slowly at first, then faster and harder. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him deeper inside me.

"You feel amazing, Y/N," Heeseung gasped, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

I moaned, my nails digging into his back as I felt my orgasm building.

"Heeseung, I'm going to cum," I gasped, my body tensing up.

"Cum for me, Y/N," he commanded, his voice rough with desire.

I did, my orgasm crashing over me like a wave. I screamed his name, my body shaking with pleasure.

Heeseung followed me over the edge, his cock twitching inside me as he came. We collapsed together, panting.

"I love you, Y/N," Heeseung whispered, his lips brushing against my ear.

"I love you too, Heeseung," I replied, smiling up at him. Heeseung rolled over onto his back, pulling me with him. I straddled him, feeling his hard cock brush against my wet folds. I moaned, rocking my hips back and forth.

"Ride me, Y/N," Heeseung commanded, his voice low and husky.

I did, sliding down onto his cock. I moaned as I felt him fill me up, my hips moving back and forth as I rode him.

Heeseung reached up, cupping my breasts in his hands. He teased my nipples, causing me to moan with pleasure.

"Play with yourself, Y/N," Heeseung commanded, his voice rough with desire.

I did, reaching down to stroke my clit. It felt incredible, and I could feel myself getting close to another orgasm.

"Heeseung, I'm going to cum," I gasped, my body tensing up.

"Cum for me, Y/N," he commanded, his voice rough with desire.

I did, my orgasm crashing over me like a wave. I screamed his name, my body shaking with pleasure.

Heeseung followed me over the edge, his cock twitching inside me as he came. We collapsed together, panting.

"I love you, Y/N," Heeseung whispered, his lips brushing against my ear.

"I love you too, Heeseung," I replied, smiling up at him.

We lay there, wrapped in each other's arms, the fire crackling softly in the background. It was perfect, and I knew that I had found my forever home in Heeseung's arms.

And that night, it felt like we belonged to each other. His touch was gentle but firm, undressing me slowly, savoring each moment. We made love under the dim light of the room, his breath warm against my skin. For those hours, we were everything—wrapped up in each other, free from the world outside.

—The Night I Left My Scarf

It was a chilly evening when I last visited Heeseung’s apartment. We had spent the day wrapped up in each other, laughing and talking, lost in the comfort of our routine. As night fell, the golden light from the setting sun faded, and the warmth of the moment enveloped us.

We had just finished dinner, and Heeseung was washing the dishes while I sat on the counter, swinging my legs playfully. I remember feeling so content, so in love. After a long conversation about our dreams, I slipped off my scarf, a soft, knitted piece that I had worn since the beginning of winter. The scarf had been my comfort on cold days, a piece of home I carried with me.

As the evening wore on, we settled onto the couch, our bodies intertwined. The warmth of his presence made me forget about the world outside. In the midst of our laughter and whispers, I completely forgot to grab my scarf when it was time to leave.

It wasn’t until I was halfway home that I realized it was still there, left behind in his cozy, inviting space. I took a deep breath, feeling a mix of longing and fear. I knew I could easily turn back, but something stopped me. Maybe it was the lingering warmth of our night together or perhaps the instinct that I had to let go of little pieces of the past.

—Us

The days following that night were filled with intimate moments that felt like they were straight out of a dream. There was one afternoon we spent at his apartment. We had just returned from a long walk along the river. The apartment was bathed in golden light from the setting sun. We fell onto the couch together, laughing, as Heeseung’s hand rested on my leg, slowly tracing circles on my skin.

He leaned in, his lips brushing against my ear, whispering, "You’re so beautiful."

His breath was warm against my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I turned toward him, our faces only inches apart. Our lips met in a slow, lingering kiss that deepened as he pulled me onto his lap. His hands roamed my back, pulling me closer, and my fingers tangled in his hair as we melted into each other.

We spent the next hour wrapped up in that kiss, stealing breaths between soft murmurs and light touches. His lips moved from my mouth to my jaw, down my neck, each kiss more intoxicating than the last. My heart raced, my skin heating up under his touch. It felt like time stopped when we were together like that, lost in each other, the world outside completely forgotten.

There was a night when we snuck out of a party, not wanting to be around anyone else. We wandered through the quiet streets of the city, hand in hand, until we found a small park, lit only by the soft glow of the moon. We sat on a bench, our bodies close, and I could feel the heat radiating from him.

Heeseung pulled me in, his lips finding mine in the cool night air. The kiss was deep, full of longing, as if he couldn’t get enough of me. My hands ran through his hair, tugging gently as his grip on my waist tightened, pulling me closer. His lips moved down my neck, his breath hot against my skin, sending waves of electricity through my body. We were completely lost in each other, every touch, every kiss igniting the passion between us.

"I love you," he whispered between kisses, his voice husky and filled with desire.

"I love you too," I breathed, barely able to speak as his lips found mine again.

We stayed in that park for hours, kissing under the stars, our bodies entwined, not caring if anyone saw us. It felt like we were the only two people in the world, and in those moments, nothing else mattered.

—But Things Began to Change

One Friday evening, Heeseung invited me to join him and his friends for a game night at his apartment. I was excited at the prospect of spending time with him and hoped it would be a chance to connect with the people in his life. However, as soon as I arrived, I felt a wave of unease wash over me.

Sunghoon was sprawled on the couch, laughing heartily at a joke Jay had just made. Jake was pacing the room, animatedly explaining a recent gaming achievement, while Lia and Luna sat at the dining table, engrossed in a strategy card game. They exchanged inside jokes and laughter that echoed in the room, but I felt like an outsider, standing on the fringes of their world.

Heeseung noticed me lingering by the door, a soft smile on his face. "Hey! Come join us," he called, gesturing for me to sit next to him. I moved toward the couch, but as I settled in, I felt the conversation shift away from me. They began discussing their plans for the weekend, and I found myself struggling to insert myself into the dialogue.

"What about you, Y/N? Any plans?" Sunghoon asked, but the way he said it felt like an afterthought. I felt my cheeks heat up as I glanced at Heeseung, who was laughing at something Jake had just said, his attention fully absorbed in his friends.

"Um, I was thinking of going to that new café," I replied, hoping to spark some interest. The moment hung in the air, and I sensed their eyes drift back to the game.

"Nice! But we have to go back to that escape room we tried last month! It was hilarious when Jay got locked in the closet," Lia chimed in, her eyes sparkling with excitement. The group erupted in laughter, and I felt my heart sink. I had missed out on that escape room experience entirely, and now it seemed like an exclusive club that I wasn't a part of.

As the night wore on, the games became more competitive, and I tried to engage with everyone, but it felt like I was chasing shadows. Whenever I attempted to contribute, my words seemed to disappear into the air, overshadowed by the laughter and banter that flowed effortlessly between them. The moments of joy that I had anticipated turned into a stark reminder of my isolation.

"Do you want to play the next round with us?" Luna asked, breaking through my thoughts. I nodded eagerly, hoping this would finally allow me to feel included. But as I joined the game, I realized I was still a step behind. Their jokes flew over my head, and soon I found myself lost in the game’s complexity, while they easily adapted, their camaraderie a stark contrast to my solitude.

After a while, I retreated to the kitchen under the pretense of grabbing a drink. I poured myself some water and leaned against the counter, taking a moment to breathe. I wanted to be part of Heeseung's world, to feel connected to the people who were important to him. But instead, I felt like a shadow, lingering on the outskirts of a vibrant party that I had not been invited to.

When I returned to the living room, Heeseung looked up, his eyes softening when he saw me. "You okay?" he asked, genuine concern etched across his face.

I forced a smile, the ache of loneliness twisting in my chest. "Yeah, just needed a moment," I replied, hoping he wouldn’t notice the tremor in my voice.

But I could tell he was still absorbed in his friends, laughing and joking as if I were invisible. In that moment, I realized just how much I craved his attention and how desperately I needed him to bridge the gap that seemed to widen between us.

Over time, things shifted. The age gap between us started to show more clearly. Heeseung's friends were older, more experienced in life, and their conversations revolved around topics I couldn’t relate to. I was always the youngest in the room, often feeling like I was trying to keep up with conversations that left me feeling out of place.

One evening, we attended a gathering at Jay’s apartment. The atmosphere buzzed with laughter and playful banter as Sunghoon recounted a funny story from their college days. I sat on the couch, feeling like a spectator in a world that didn’t quite include me. Lia and Luna were engrossed in a debate about the latest art exhibit in town, while Jake chimed in with his own opinions. I tried to contribute, mentioning a piece I had seen online, but the conversation quickly shifted back to their shared memories and experiences. I could see it in their eyes—their bond was deep and established, while I was still trying to find my footing.

Heeseung was caught up in the moment, laughing and joking with his friends. I felt a pang of loneliness as I looked around. Their shared laughter rang in my ears, and I couldn't help but feel like an outsider looking in. It stung even more when Sunghoon playfully teased me about my age, and the others joined in with lighthearted jabs.

“Come on, Y/N, you wouldn’t even remember when we first met!” Sunghoon joked, and everyone erupted in laughter. I forced a smile, but inside, I felt smaller with each passing moment.

The more I observed, the more apparent it became how effortlessly they connected. Inside jokes, playful nudges, and the kind of laughter that seemed to echo with memories I wasn’t part of—it all became overwhelming. I tried to push down the ache in my chest, convincing myself it was just a matter of time. But every attempt to break through felt like pushing against a brick wall.

Later that night, as we walked home hand in hand, I couldn’t keep my feelings bottled up any longer. “Heeseung,” I began hesitantly, “I feel like I don’t belong here. Their conversations are so different from mine. I don’t know what to say.”

Heeseung barely looked up from his phone. “I know it’s tough,” he said nonchalantly. “But just be patient. You’ll get used to it.”

It stung—how easily he brushed off my feelings. I tried to ignore the growing sense of loneliness, convincing myself that I had Heeseung, that it was enough. But it wasn’t. I needed him to make an effort to bring me into his world.

"I need you to spend more time with me and my friends," I told him one night, my voice wavering slightly. "I always feel like the odd one out when we’re with yours."

Heeseung hesitated, his brow furrowing. "I don’t want to compromise my friendships," he replied, frustration creeping into his voice. "But I’ll try."

His promise felt hollow, like a band-aid on a wound that needed stitches. I wanted to believe him, but instead, the arguments started. He would say I was too sensitive, that I overreacted. It felt like a pattern—whenever I expressed how I felt, he found a way to turn it back on me, making me doubt myself. Each conversation felt like a step backward, the emotional distance between us growing wider.

The next few weeks were a blur of misunderstandings and silence. I would watch Heeseung interact with his friends, their laughter ringing out like music I couldn’t hear. I longed for him to reach out to me, to acknowledge the invisible line that had formed between us. But instead, I often found myself alone, retreating to my thoughts, wondering if I had somehow lost the connection we once shared.

One evening, sitting on my bed, I scrolled through my phone, watching clips of them having fun together. It felt like a cruel reminder of the joy I was missing. The weight of my feelings crashed down on me, and I found myself questioning everything. Was I not enough? Did I not fit into his world? The more I pondered, the more tears slipped down my cheeks.

*“Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much, but maybe this thing was a masterpiece ‘til you tore it all up…”*

—The Breaking Point

One night, after yet another argument, we were driving in his car, the air thick with tension. I sat in the passenger seat, my chest tightening as the city lights blurred past the window. I was on the verge of tears, my voice shaky as I tried to make sense of what had gone wrong.

"Why are you being like this?" I asked, frustration and hurt bubbling over. "You’ve changed."

Heeseung kept his eyes on the road, barely glancing at me. His silence was deafening, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. Finally, he sighed, exasperated. "It’s not that I’ve changed, Y/N. It’s that you’re always making things difficult. Why can’t you just let things go?"

His words cut deep, making me feel like I was the problem—like my feelings were too much, too complicated for him to handle. I turned away, staring out the window, the reflection of the passing streetlights blurring with my tears. "I’m not trying to make things difficult. I just want us to be okay."

He scoffed, the sound sharp and dismissive. "Maybe you just don’t get it. You’re just a kid, Y/N. You have to learn that life isn’t all about your feelings."

The sting of his words hit me like a slap, igniting a fire of anger within me. "You don’t get to belittle me like that! I’ve tried everything to understand you! I gave my virginity to you—something that meant the world to me!" My voice cracked as the floodgates opened, tears spilling down my cheeks. "How can you say I'm just a kid when I’ve given you so much?"

Heeseung finally turned to look at me, but his expression was cold, a mix of annoyance and impatience. "And I appreciate that, but maybe you need to understand that relationships aren’t always about grand gestures. Sometimes, you just need to chill and accept things as they are."

I shook my head, disbelief and hurt swelling in my chest. "You think this is me not accepting things? I’ve been fighting for us! I’m trying to understand you, but you keep pushing me away!"

He let out a frustrated laugh, shaking his head as if I were being unreasonable. "You’re making it sound like it’s all my fault. What do you want me to do, Y/N? Hold your hand through every little emotion? You need to grow up!"

His words twisted the knife deeper, and I could feel the anger and sadness colliding within me, threatening to consume me. "You don’t even see me anymore, do you? You only see what you want to see! I’m not asking you to fix everything, but I need you to acknowledge my feelings, not dismiss them."

"Maybe if you didn’t make such a big deal out of everything, we wouldn’t be having this conversation!" he shot back, his voice rising. "You’re the one who turns small things into drama, and I’m tired of it."

The tears continued to stream down my face, a mix of anger and heartache choking my throat. "You’re so wrapped up in your own world that you can’t even see how lonely I feel! I thought we were in this together, but now I feel like I’m just a burden to you!"

Silence filled the car, heavy and suffocating. I wiped my eyes, the reality of what was happening crashing down on me. "Is this really how you feel? That I’m just some kid making everything difficult?" 

Heeseung glanced at me briefly, his expression softening for a split second before hardening again. "I’m just being honest, Y/N. You need to toughen up. Life is harder than you think, and I can’t keep holding your hand through every little emotional meltdown."

In that moment, the warmth I once felt around him faded away, replaced by an icy realization that we were standing on different ground. "You think I’m fragile, that I can’t handle anything? I’ve tried to be strong for you, to make this work, but I can’t keep pretending everything’s fine when it’s not!" 

Heeseung turned his gaze back to the road, his expression stony. “Maybe you need to figure out what you really want. Because right now, it feels like all you want is to stir up drama.”

After that night, things only got worse. We began to drift further apart, the connection we once had fading with every cold word, every dismissive look. One evening, after a particularly heated argument, Heeseung turned to me with an expression I hadn’t seen before—one that spoke volumes.

"I'm sorry, Y/N," he said, his voice devoid of emotion. "It's not you. It's me."

It was the cliché that shattered me. I had given everything to this relationship, only to be told that it wasn’t enough. The weight of his words felt like a punch to my gut, and I struggled to breathe. Heeseung walked away, leaving me alone in a silence that felt deafening. I sat there, feeling utterly lost, like I was left to pick up the pieces of a heart that felt irreparably broken.

—Is this the end? 

The door slammed behind me, the sound echoing through the emptiness of my apartment. My chest felt tight, as if the weight of the entire world was pressing down on me. I stood in the middle of my room, surrounded by the remnants of what had once been us—his jacket still draped over the chair, the books we shared stacked haphazardly on the floor, and the pictures of us smiling that felt like they belonged to someone else.

I felt like I was suffocating.

I dropped onto the floor, hugging my knees to my chest. I couldn’t breathe. My heart was breaking into pieces I couldn’t pick up, no matter how hard I tried. The tears came in waves, uncontrollable and relentless. I pressed my forehead against my knees, the sobs racking my body as if I was trying to cry out all the love I still had for him.

*Why wasn’t I enough?*

The question replayed in my mind like a broken record. I thought I had given him everything. I thought we were building something beautiful, but now it all felt like a lie. The apartment was cold without him, and every memory, every small thing we did together, haunted me.

I pushed myself up from the floor and stumbled toward my desk, where the typewriter sat. I stared at the blank page that mocked me, waiting for words I couldn’t find. My hands trembled as I placed them on the keys. But instead of flowing like they usually did, the words felt stuck, trapped inside me. I hit the keys with frustration, punching out broken, jagged sentences.

*"Why did you leave me like this? What did I do wrong?"* I typed angrily, the clack of the keys echoing in the room.

I couldn’t get the words right. I couldn’t capture the hurt or the betrayal that twisted inside me like a knife. Tears splattered the paper, blurring the ink. My breath hitched as I furiously wiped at my face, trying to fight against the pain that consumed me.

I felt broken. Completely, utterly broken.

Months had passed since Heeseung walked out of my life, but the hollow feeling remained. No matter how hard I tried to move on, he was still everywhere. His ghost lingered in every corner of my apartment, in every thought that crossed my mind. I couldn’t escape him.

The jacket still hung over the chair, untouched. The smell of his cologne faintly clung to the fabric, as if refusing to let me forget. His books remained stacked on the floor, mocking me with memories of late-night conversations and shared dreams. And the photos… they were the worst. Frozen moments of us laughing, smiling—so happy—hung on the wall, like a cruel reminder of what once was, of what I thought we had.

I thought time would heal me. I thought the ache in my chest would eventually fade, that I would wake up one day and not think about him. But I was wrong. Every day felt like I was fighting a losing battle against the memories.

I still remembered how I gave him everything—how I gave him myself. The night I trusted him with my innocence, believing that he would treasure it, that he would treasure me. I had been so vulnerable, so open, and I thought it meant something to him. But now, looking back, it felt like I had given away the most fragile parts of myself to someone who didn’t even care.

And it hurt. 

God, it hurt so much.

I would find myself staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night, the quiet suffocating. I would replay that night in my mind, over and over again—the way he held me, the soft words he whispered, how safe I felt in his arms. It all felt like a cruel joke now. How could something so intimate, something that meant so much to me, turn into a painful reminder of everything I had lost?

I felt useless. Completely, utterly useless.

I had poured every part of myself into him, and now there was nothing left. The girl who once believed in love, who believed in him, was gone. In her place was someone hollow, someone who couldn’t find her way back to herself.

I tried to distract myself, throwing myself into work, into hobbies, into anything that would keep my mind off him. But nothing worked. He was always there, lurking in the back of my mind, in the smallest details of my day. The sound of his laugh, the feel of his touch, the promises he had made—all of it haunted me.

Even when I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t recognize myself anymore. I had become someone who was defined by the absence of him, by the hole he had left behind. It felt like I had lost not just him, but parts of myself I could never get back.

I wondered if he ever thought about me, if he even remembered the things we shared. But deep down, I knew it didn’t matter. He had moved on, while I was still here, stuck in the wreckage of what we had been.

—Remembering  (Heeseung's POV)

I couldn’t sleep.

Even though weeks had passed since we ended things, her face still haunted my thoughts. The way her eyes shimmered with innocence when we first met, how her laugh sounded like music, how her touch always sent warmth through me—it was all I could think about. I messed it up. I had hurt her more than I ever intended, but the truth was, I didn’t know how to fix it.

As I lay in my bed, the room dark and quiet, I found myself replaying our memories, one by one. I could still see her sitting by the window, her face lit up by the soft glow of the afternoon sun, her fingers tracing shapes on the glass. She always looked so peaceful in moments like that.

God, I miss her.

I reached for my phone, scrolling through the photos we had taken together, my heart sinking as I stopped on one from the river walk. She was smiling, the wind in her hair, looking at me like I was the only person who mattered. How did I let that slip away?

I had been selfish. I pushed her away when she needed me the most, convinced myself that I was too busy, too caught up in my own life. But the truth was, I was scared. Scared of how deeply she loved me. Scared of what that meant for me, and scared that I wouldn’t be able to give her the same in return.

I sat up, running a hand through my hair as the guilt gnawed at me. She had given me everything—her trust, her heart, her innocence. And I had thrown it away.

She was too good for me. I thought to myself, the weight of my mistakes pressing down on my chest. I hadn’t been fair to her. I hadn’t been patient. Instead of guiding her into my world, I left her out in the cold, letting her feel like an outsider.

I thought back to the night we argued in the car, her tear-streaked face looking out the window, her voice breaking as she said, “I gave you everything, and you still don't see me.”

The pain in her voice still echoed in my ears.

And now? Now she was gone. I wondered if she would ever forgive me. I doubted it, not after everything I had put her through. I missed her love, her laughter, and her innocence—the way she used to look at me like I was her whole world. I wanted that back, but I knew it was too late.

I didn’t deserve her.

—Years Later

The air in the room buzzed with excitement. I sat at the signing table, a line of readers curving out the door, waiting to get their copies of my book signed. I never thought I’d reach this moment—a moment where I could share my story with the world, unafraid and stronger than I’d ever been.

I picked up the first book in the pile, running my fingers across the glossy cover. *"All Too Well: A Story of Remembering and Letting Go"*—the title that summed up everything I had been through, every lesson I had learned, every piece of myself I had gathered back together.

As readers approached, I smiled and thanked them, but my mind drifted back to the journey that brought me here. This book wasn’t just words on paper. It was pieces of my heart, carefully stitched together. It was a reflection of the love I gave, the pain I endured, and the person I became because of it.

The first chapter detailed the innocence I lost—not just physically, but emotionally. I wrote about how I had given myself so completely to someone who didn’t stay, someone who I thought would protect my heart but instead left me broken.

I gave everything to him. And for a long time, it felt like I lost myself in the process. But writing this book, putting all my pain and lessons into words, had been the most freeing thing I had ever done.

The line of readers thinned, and the crowd started to disperse. I stretched my hands, feeling the weight of the day start to fade. The final few approached the table, thanking me for sharing my story, and I smiled, genuinely grateful for their words. As I handed the last book back to its owner, I glanced up and froze.

Standing at the back of the room, framed by the window near the door, was a figure I never expected to see.

Heeseung.

My heart stalled for a moment, my breath catching in my throat. He was standing there, his eyes locked on me, but what caught my attention was the red scarf wrapped around his neck—the very one I had left at his house, the scarf that symbolized that I had given him a part of me.

Memories flooded back like a storm: the warmth of his hands, the laughter we shared, and the moment everything changed.

I could see his hesitation as he stood outside, watching me through the window. His eyes were filled with something I couldn’t quite read—regret, maybe? Longing? I wasn’t sure, and I wasn’t certain if I wanted to know.

Should he come in? Should he stay outside? Was he waiting for me to acknowledge him, to invite him in, or maybe even to chase him one last time?

But I didn’t move.

The Y/N from years ago might have stood up, might have run to him, desperate for answers or closure. But I wasn’t her anymore. I had learned to stand on my own, to move forward without him, and to find strength in the parts of me that he had left behind.

For a brief moment, our eyes met through the glass. I didn’t know what he saw in my gaze, but I hoped he recognized that I wasn’t waiting for him anymore. I had found my peace.

As the last of the readers left the room, I began to pack up my things, the weight of the day slowly lifting. Just as I turned to put the last of the books away, I heard a soft voice behind me.

“Y/N?”

I spun around, and there he was—Heeseung, standing just a few feet away, the red scarf still wrapped around his neck, a hesitant smile tugging at his lips.

“Sorry I didn’t come in earlier,” he said, his voice almost a whisper, as if he was afraid to disturb the moment. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me.”

My heart raced, caught between the exhilaration of seeing him and the flood of memories that threatened to overwhelm me. “I didn’t think you would come at all,” I replied, my voice steady despite the chaos inside.

He took a step closer, and I could see the uncertainty etched on his face. “I had to. I needed to hear what you had to say. I wanted to see how you were doing.”

For a moment, we just stood there, the air thick with unspoken words and emotions. I searched his eyes, looking for the answers to questions I hadn’t yet dared to ask.

“I’m okay,” I said finally, breaking the silence. “I’ve found my peace.”

He nodded, the weight of my words sinking in. “I can see that. I— I just wanted to say I’m sorry for everything.”

I held his gaze, feeling the past echo between us. “You don’t need to apologize,” I replied, my voice firm. “We’ve both grown, and this book—this journey I’ve taken—it’s helped me heal.”

A flicker of relief washed over his face, but there was something more there—a longing, perhaps. “I’ve missed you,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

As the silence stretched between us, I felt the years of hurt and healing collide. I wasn’t the same girl who had chased after him, but seeing him here, so close, stirred emotions I thought I had tucked away.

“I’ve missed you too,” I finally confessed, the truth spilling out before I could stop it. “But I can’t go back. I’ve moved forward.”

He nodded slowly, the understanding hanging heavy in the air. “I know. I wouldn’t want to take away what you’ve built for yourself.”

With a deep breath, I stepped back, feeling the weight of the moment settle between us. “Maybe we can both find a way to move on. We can carry our memories without letting them define us.”

Heeseung smiled, a bittersweet expression that mirrored my own feelings. “I’d like that.”

In a gentle gesture, he took off the red scarf in his neck, holding it out to me. “I think you should have this back. It’s yours.”

As the scarf dangled between us, I felt a whirlwind of emotions. A part of me wanted to let him keep it, to let him hold onto a piece of our past. But another side of me surged with a desire to reclaim my innocence—this scarf was a symbol of everything I had lost, but it was also a reminder of how far I had come.

It had been my warmth, my comfort, my naivety. I had spent so long trying to fit into his world, trying to be enough for him, that I had forgotten to be enough for myself. 

And now, standing here as an independent woman who had found her voice and her strength, I knew that I needed to take it back. I needed to own my past and carry it forward, not as a burden but as a badge of resilience.

Taking a step forward, I accepted the scarf from him, my fingers brushing against his. “Thank you,” I said, my voice steady. “For everything.”

Heeseung nodded, his eyes softening as he watched me wrap the scarf around my neck. The act felt powerful, almost ceremonial. I was reclaiming my innocence, my past, but more importantly, I was affirming my journey toward independence.

“Take care of yourself, Y/N,” he said, his voice filled with sincerity. 

“You too,” I replied, feeling the weight of closure settle between us. We both knew it was time to move on, to honor the memories while embracing the future.

As he turned to leave, I felt a sense of finality. He was walking away, but this time it didn’t hurt. I had transformed my pain into something beautiful. 

And as I watched him walk away, I realized that I had already found the closure I needed. I had turned my pain into something beautiful, something lasting. Heeseung no longer had the power to define my story. I had written my own ending, and it was far more powerful than anything he could ever give me.

“And you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest…”

Later that night, as I sat by the window of my hotel room, the city lights twinkling outside, I thought about the years that had passed. The love I had felt for Heeseung had been real, but so had the pain. I had been so young, so willing to give all of myself to him without realizing that he wasn’t willing to give me the same in return.

It had taken me years to understand that love wasn’t supposed to be one-sided. I had spent so long trying to fit into his world, trying to be enough for him, that I had forgotten to be enough for myself.

But now, I was different. I had grown. I had found my voice, not just as a writer, but as a person. I no longer needed Heeseung or anyone else to validate my worth. I had written my pain into the pages of All Too Well, and in doing so, I had healed.

As I looked at the scarf draped over the back of the chair, I smiled softly. It was no longer a symbol of heartbreak or loss. It was a reminder of how far I had come, of the strength I had found in myself. I had loved deeply, and I had lost. But in the end, I had gained something far more precious—myself.

The next morning, I wrapped the scarf around my neck and stepped out into the city, the cool breeze brushing against my face. I felt lighter, freer than I had in years. The past was behind me, and the future stretched out ahead, full of possibility.

“And I remember it all too well…"

But now, it was just a memory—a beautiful, painful, bittersweet memory that no longer had the power to hurt me. I had written my own ending, and it was exactly the way it was meant to be.

Masterlist

[mysticalserenity-tarot]

ᰔᩚ🗝Where the connection with your person is headed? (Pick a pile)

{How to pick a pile? First, take a deep breath with your eyes closed to clear your mind. When you open your eyes, don't hesitate – pick the image that immediately grabs your attention or stirs up a memory. Remember, you can pick more than one pile if you feel called to. If none of the images stand out for you, it means there's no message for you at this time. You can always come back to it later.}

♡ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ ♡

Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3 (from left to right)

Hello, and a huge thank you to everyone for your incredible support. It means a lot!

In this collective pick a pile reading, we'll find out where the connection with your specific person (no matter who) is headed. Let's see where your energy takes us.

Disclaimer: This is a collective reading I picked up on multiple energies, so please only take what resonates and leave the rest. When something resonates you usually feel a light energy and in your heart you can feel it's your message, and the pic that attracts you is a clearly sign.

♡ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ ♡

PILE 1 🔑

2 of Swords, Death Rx, Ace of Pentacles (9 of Wands)

Hello Pile 1, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

Whenever I see The Wheel card, I always think of karmic bonds or relationships. This card indicates an inevitable fate, which reminds me of karma and its lessons. But remember, karma can be positive too - and at the end, you'll be grateful for what you learned. Don't fear it, darling. Neither of you knows where this connection is headed, and for some of you, I sense a connection that's energetic. You may dream of each other. All the cards in your spread depict people with their eyes closed, which also tells me that some of you are trying to make sense of your connection with this person and asking yourself why you feel so drawn to them. Well, it's karmic, so you have unfinished business/unsolved debts with this person, and to move forward in life, you both have to solve them or let go of them and become a better version of yourself. Some of you are building a fence to protect your peace from this person if you have suffered in the past, you do not want to repeat the same 'mistake,' but deep down, I believe you're longing for them because, again, you may have unfinished business or unsolved karma. I'm not sure if we can escape karmic relationships, except by working on ourselves and including shadow work in our routines. That helps us free ourselves from past wounds. Your or your person, but I'm getting both of you, fear change and try to avoid it, holding tight to the past, even if it hurts. But this instead of helping, it blocks you and keeps you going in circles as if there's no way out when in reality there is - but you need to find it looking within you and trusting your gut.

However, nothing is lost because the rest of the cards show me a beautiful outcome for all of you in different ways, but still beautiful. I see material gains, prosperity, and new opportunities that bring abundance, an important step for soul growth and expansion. For some of you I see this connection finally "materializing" in the 3D, you'll reconcile or get in union with them. For others of you I see you resisting this connection, those strong feelings you're holding for long and finally let go of them, which is good as they may not have been for you.

This will lead you to an even better outcome that you may not expect, but that you'll feel grateful for once it comes, and you'll meet someone that is for you and fulfills your heart and soul. All of you will grow and feel inspired and passionate again, with sparkling creativity. It's a great time for growth for all of you. The two Ace's in your spread also tell me that this is just the beginning, and if you're going through a 'dark' period, it's going to be better! <3

Blue, Pink, and red colors may be significant for some of you. Whether is you, your person or both. As well as 1/11/111 and this is also Pile 1 😆

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 1.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading with me. All infos in my paid readings services. However, I also do donation based readings on my Kofi. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity.

PILE 2 🔑

7 of Pentacles, The Empress Rx, The Devil (6 of Swords, The Tower)

Hello Pile 2, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

Oh, my dear pile 2, I'm picking up some troubling energy here. As always, I strive to be as honest as possible, and I believe sugarcoating is not helpful for anyone, however as a positive person myself I love to give advices and encourage people specially in difficult situations.

I see the majority of you is feeling trapped in this connection and can't find the way out, whether confessing to this person or let go. Pretty similar to pile 1 (if you feel called to, please check it) but your group's energy feels a bit more troubled, worried for some reason and there's more emphasis on the 'letting go' part. One of you in this connection is more giving than the other so there's an imbalance and this applies to energetic connections as well, one of you is more invested than the other, hence the Devil card also indicating obsession and the need to let go or ease the feelings for your person. The Empress reversed is a confirmation that you're neglecting yourself and your needs because you're too focused and invested in your person. They're probably your first thought when you wake up and last thought when you go to sleep, occupying your mind almost 24/7 while they're more focused on their career rather than love. But for some of you, what I just picked up applies to both and both of you are obsessed with each other but for some reason, you cannot be together or at least for now. "Divine timing" I know you're fed up to hear this and I am too, but trust that the divine knows when is the right moment for anything and is not punishing you but helping you to not sabotage your connection.

If this connection downs you instead of lifting you up, this reading is a strong sign (my corrector typed "sigh" instead of sign, so I'd take it as a sign lol), from your intuition to let go even if it may be painful at first, trust that you're doing the right thing and better things are awaiting for you. Sometimes a 'difficult transition' is necessary for growth and healing. (6 of Swords and The Tower kept appearing in your reading) I see that you'll navigate successfully through those turbulent waters. With the 3 of Swords at the bottom of the deck, neither the outcome is positive, and if you keep up with this person, it may lead to a broken heart or disappointment.

I see also the color black being dominant which in Tarot is not a good omen as it alludes to hindrances and burdens. (black could be significant for some). As well as the two 3s which mean a need for cooperation if you really want this connection to work.

The message that I'm getting strongly is that you need to recognize your self-worth and be confident in your own skin, and not let anyone change you because you are worth it, my dear, today, tomorrow, and always. And for that, you deserve better, someone that truly loves and respects you and not just in Valentine's Day. But don't worry, because I sense that when you'll finally recognize your worth and power, you'll get that loving person who will love you for who you are, so don't be afraid to let go of this one that deep down may make you unhappy as you don't see any progress from their part. When someone is meant for us, we don't have to force anything, and the physical union will just happen naturally when the time is right. But remember, nothing is set in stone and energies can shift. I am nobody to dictate your life, I'm just reading cards and your energies. You do what you feel like.

Whatever you decide that feels right to your heart will bring you in this Queen of Wands energy: CONFIDENT, PASSIONATE, CREATIVE, and LEADER of yourself, and manifest the life that you want, because she's also a great manifestor!

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 2.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading with me. All infos in my paid readings services. However, I also do donation based readings on my Kofi. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity.

PILE 3 🔑

Knight of Wands, The World, 2 of Pentacles Rx (5 of Wands)

Hello Pile 3, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

Compared to the other piles, this one feels more positive. (curiously my group 3's often have positive energies I love that!)

Despite some initial setbacks or obstacles, I see this connection working but not immediately; you both have to work for it. I see disharmony in this couple and overall conflicts that you both have to navigate through if you want your connection to thrive. It's crucial to be clear with each other about what you want from this connection, whether it's casual and short-term (like friends with benefits) or something more serious and long-term. Unless you want both the fun and the seriousness *wink wink* what matters is that you communicate with your person (or partner if you're already in a relationship with them). If you don't, it would be a pity as I see a beautiful connection between you both, but the choice is yours.

Indeed, the Ace of Swords appearing on top of the deck indicates a time for clarity and breakthrough, and confirms the need for open and honest communication between you and your person. My cards can't stress enough how important this is.

If you and your person are not yet in a relationship, they may be worried that you have many suitors or you think they have. However, I don't see them paying much attention to those suitors. One of you (I feel them) may be in a relationship with someone else, and you may think their partner is toxic and want them out of it. If you strongly feel within you that they are unhappy, try to communicate it to them. Communication isn't just for those already in a relationship.

The 10 of Cups and The Sun appearing while I was shuffling is a clear indication that your connection is meant to be or become something beautiful, as long as you and your person work for it.

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 3.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading with me. All infos in my paid readings services. However, I also do donation based readings on my Kofi. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANY LIKE/REBLOG/COMMENT IS APPRECIATED, ALSO IF YOU LET ME KNOW IF IT RESONATED.

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK.

ALWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EACH ONE OF YOU'S SUPPORT, I'M GRATEFUL 🤗🤍~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please note that I used AI language bot to help improve grammar and spelling in my readings, as English is not my first language. However, the interpretations and insights provided in my readings are all my work, based on my intuition and the cards' symbolism.

Disclaimer: Tarot readings are for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to predict or dictate your future. The cards provide insights and guidance, but the ultimate power of choice lies with you.

[ghostymarni]

Hi I had no caf today.

But uhh… OC lore pls?

no caf???? How??? 😂✨ do you prefer tea or perhaps you can run on juice?

I need it to function in the mornings. I either need that first brew or an ice cold energy drink to get the gears turning ♥️✨

I hope you mean how Aev started cause that’s what imma share haha!

Aeviririn is my main, self expressed, self insert. I wanted a way to express my presence on the holonet in a way I both saw myself, adding my hair + design style of expression, as well as overall expression of interests + communication. Her design has lots of symbolism in how I designed her.

with the loss of my late husband (it’s been 10 months already) I turned back to art knowing it’s the truest way of communication for me.

I know I started her as a self presence on “this is the artist” drawing myself with my designed mandalorian bucket. But it evolved to who she is now. I’m learning as I go, I’ve never had a public oc before in an active fandom. And it’s all new to me being so involved <3

I’ve learned + continue to learn, the difference between fun lingo usage + fandom RP, which I feel is a very thin line. But just balancing responses between me and using Aev confused myself sometimes because Aev is literally me hahaha. I don’t see myself starting an RP only account because my ADHD is too inconsistent.

my late husband + I called ourselves a mandalorian family, he was a long time boba fett fan even before I met him, and unknowingly we always initiated the keldabe kiss with our son and personal moments. He was into the bad batch before I was and he’d quote things to me not knowing their origin. Making TBB so much more personal. so the grief I felt, felt like I was exposing me to my true feelings and evolving aeviririn to who she is now, feels just as much healing as it is expression. Almost like I was recreating myself as I fell apart.

arm wraps - symbolize how I feel like I’m always fighting through life. Losing my partner I put the wraps on knowing i have no one to help protect me. To keep fighting forward.

long mohawk - it’s my actual hairstyle. I haven’t cut it in almost 8 years, and I shave the sides every other week.

left leg blaster - my late husband taught me how to shoot, helping me overcome my fear of weapons. I like the rifles/snipers not just in games but I lock in when I shoot them. As well as having a blaster for a sniper is essential for close range, but also I keep it as a reminder that my left handed partner always reminded me to be prepared for anything.

Aev is so much of everything I’ve grown to be, and who I strive to keep being. Her attitude is so much of my own as well as my inner confidence. Tomboy + femme, so much of my own desires and interests, and life experiences.

my obsession with the marshal commander actually started a long time ago. Denial cause I had a convo with my late husband talking about what clones I’d connect with before I was deeply immersed into clones as he was. Refusing the 501st because it felt basic hahahaha (he had a captain Rex tattoo) and I was like, I kinda like the red guys, it’s kinda cool.. referring to the coruscant guard. And he was like “oh they’re like the cops of the city” which made me cringe at the time because i wanted to find my reason for it on my own terms. Ironically after he passed I stumbled back onto fox and I hyper fixated on him. Which the fandom at the time was very minimal (from what I saw), about fox being mean grumpy and often disliked. But I couldn’t help it. I liked that hahaha thanks to @eobe for her forwarding me commander caf escalated post which sparked a whole cup of chaos that im so glad I jumped on. And connecting with @lonewolflupe finding out we had so much in common which sparked the chaos twins, initiating a whole new chapter of Aev and creativity <3

I truly appreciate everyone that’s drawn Aev, includes her, and supports my innuendo to myself. I can’t wait to see how she (and I) grow.

[luciathcv]

positive - jjk

summary: you take a test in which the results will completely change your life || warnings: idk reader is pregnant? || genre: fluff, established relationship, pregnancy au || word count: approximately 1100

I sat on the couch, trying my best to be patient and just wait for Jungkook to get home since he was bound to be any minute now. I was stressing and worried because, there was a chance that I could be pregnant.

I’m startled when I hear the sound of the front door unlocking. I glance over at the electronic intercom system on the wall and see Jungkook on the screen of it, opening the door and walking inside. I then look over and see the hallway light turn on.

I get up from the couch and walk down the hall, wanting to get there before my boyfriend took his shoes off. When I got to the end of the hall, I’d gotten there just in time as he was about to start untying his shoelaces.

“Jungkook.” I say and he looks up at me, giving me a small smile.

“Hey, princess.” He greets me.

“Can we go to the store?” I ask.

“Uh, okay. Come on.” Jungkook says without questioning anything at first. He stands up and we walk out of the apartment, going down the elevator and heading to the parking garage.

We get in the car and Jungkook starts it up, backing out of the parking spot. “So, what do you need, princess? Did you finally get your period? Do you need tampons/pads?” He asks as he starts to drive out of the parking garage.

“Well,” I think for a moment, “it’s kind of the opposite. I still haven’t gotten my period and I just, felt like I should get a pregnancy test just to make sure because usually my periods are never a week late.” I tell him.

He takes in what I said for a moment before nodding, “Okay, then let’s go to CVS and get a pregnancy test.” Jungkook says. I look at him, trying to analyze how he was feeling but I honestly couldn't tell.

Jungkook pulled into a parking spot and shut the car off. He unbuckled his seatbelt and I did the same as we got out of the car. We walked into the store and I made my way to the aisle that had the pregnancy tests, plan b, and all of that stuff.

I look at the pregnancy tests and pick out one, getting two of them just to be sure. Jungkook and I go to the counter to pay and I awkwardly hand the tests to the cashier. I mean, we're grown, there was no reason for me to be embarrassed but I was. Jungkook pulls out his card and pays for them.

"Good luck." The cashier says as she hands Jungkook the small bag with the two tests and the receipt.

He just gives her a small smile as he puts his hand on the small of my back and leads me away and out of the store. He opens my car door for me and I get inside, buckling my seatbelt before he hands me the small bag and shuts the door, going to the drivers seat.

At first, it's silent as Jungkook starts driving us home but eventually, he breaks the silence. "You know that no matter the result, I'll be here for you." He reassures me.

"I know." I say, nodding.

"I just, if you were pregnant, it's not like we couldn't support the baby. Well, if you wanted to keep the baby. That's your choice, I'm just.. I'm just saying." Jungkook tells me.

"I would.. I would want to keep the baby, if I was pregnant." I shyly respond.

"Oh," is Jungkook's only response. "I would like that." He tells me before connecting his hand with mine that rested in my lap, intertwining our fingers together as he handled the wheel with his other hand.

Truth be told, we were both kind of getting ahead of ourselves. I mean, I hadn't even taken the test yet, it's not like it was definite that I was pregnant. I guess we both kind of had a feeling that, that was the case though but neither of us would say that.

When we arrived at home, I walked over to the bathroom, the small bag in my hand. Jungkook stood in front of me, a little nervous but it wasn't obvious, as he leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back for a few moments before we both pulled away and I made my way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.

After I'd peed on the sticks, I'd put them on counter and set a timer on my phone for three minutes. I didn't know this but Jungkook was sat with his back against the door, anxiously waiting for me.

Those three minutes were the longest three minutes of my life but finally, the timer went off and the results were ready. Jungkook had gotten up off of the floor and stood outside, ready to hear the results. I sighed as I stopped the timer and anxiously checked the tests.

Positive. Both tests were positive. I was pregnant. I was actually pregnant.

"You okay, baby?" I heard Jungkook ask from outside the door.

I grabbed the tests and walked over to the door, opening it. Jungkook looked into my eyes and without even having to look down, he could tell what the results were just from the way I looked up at him. He looked down anyway, just to make sure that his answer was right, and well, the tests confirmed his thoughts.

I burst into tears, I didn't know why. It was frankly just overwhelming. All of it. Jungkook immediately took the tests from my hand, putting it on the counter again before he engulfed me into a hug. Moments later, Jungkook was also crying. We stayed like that for a while.

Jungkook ended up calming down before me but once I did, Jungkook pulled away a little, still holding me as he comfortingly patted my head.

"How do you feel?" Jungkook asked, just wanting to be there for me.

"Anxious but excited but just.. scared. I'm scared." I tell him.

"I know, princess. I'm scared too." Jungkook tells me. "But it'll be okay, right? We'll work through this, all of this, together." He says and I can't help but smile.

"You're going to be a dad." I softly say.

He smiles back at me, "And you're going to be a mom." He says before leaning down and giving a long and loving kiss on the lips. Although he was scared, he was ready to go through this journey with you and to be there for you. And, well, your future child.

ᥫ᭡ link to my masterlist

[justatypicalwizard]

Meta-isekai | K. Bakugo ✧ Act II Scene I

-`♡´- In which Bakugo gets isekaied into a shoyo romance. -`♡´-

Peak stupidity ⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

Act II ༊*·˚

Scene I: Winning the martial arts competition (easy)

ʚɞ “Okay, so you said I’m a part of the martial arts club, yeah?” Bakugo whispered to The Cat sitting on his desk. He was currently getting ready for school and scheming the first move in their big plan.

“Yes, and there’s an upcoming event connected with it today.” The Cat answered, its tail drawing lazy circles in the air behind it.

“The school sports day, I’ve heard about it from others. I learned that the previous Katsuki signed up for tug of war.”

“Yes, but because you haven’t been to a training yet you don’t know that in the morning, during the sports day, you will be competing against other schools in the finale of the regional martial arts cup.”

This made Bakugo turn around and crook a brow. Getting to kick some asses early in the morning only to get to kick more asses in the afternoon? What a pleasure.

“Not a problem.” He shrugged.

“It will be extremely important. The school didn’t really gain any significant wins for a while now so everyone is rooting for your club to break the hoodoo. With my boost to luck Crush will also be watching.”

“Not a problem.” The blonde repeated turning back towards his wardrobe.

ʚɞ Certainly, winning the martial arts cup wasn’t a problem. Bakugo, although trained in many forms of contact force, refreshed his memory on the rules of the particular style that he was competing in. Finding the training clothes in a locker at school he went to extra-early training just before the cup. It was mostly good stretching, briefing about the strategy, pairing and rules, as well as some light combats to get the team into a fighting spirit.

ʚɞ Some of the faces of his teammates looked familiar, as if he saw them previously. They must have been people from his UA but from other classes, that he only passed on the corridors. Anyway, they all seemed to get along well while not being too intimate with each other.

ʚɞ Curious students quickly filled the gymnasium. Most were from UA, but there were also a bunch from other schools as guests cheering for their players. It was getting louder and louder up to the point when the overlooking coach began the competition.

ʚɞ No all of the present competitors were actually taking part. Some of them came as substitute players, others weaseled their way in to skip school. The chosen group was fairly slim, Bakugo being one of them.

ʚɞ All of his combats went quite quick, no one standing a change against him. It made the crowd cheer every time he stepped onto the mat. People pointed fingers at him, girls whispered and dudes clapped their hands loud every time he won.

ʚɞ When the cup was over, the medals were handed (gold for the blonde) and respects were paid, Bakugo got swarmed by his teammates and their friends.

“How did you do it? Did you get superpowers overnight?” One of his teammates laughed.

Some of them started to point out how shaken they were with his form. He was good, that’s why he played a part in the finale, but not that good! At one point the discussion got loud and out of Bakugo’s control. They started asking questions.

“I trained at home.” He gave them a white lie. He did train at home - back in his universe, with the thought of encountering actual villains, being in danger and relying his life solely on his skill and power. They didn’t need to know that part.

“Soo cool! Did the coach help you?”

“No, I’ve done it by myself. Just did some research.” He shrugged it off.

“But why didn’t you tell us?” Another one of his teammates, a rather thin guy who sat the whole tournament on the bench, asked.

This stirred some interest. You could have trained with us. We would all get better. You could have at least showed us where you learned all these things so we could try ourselves.

“Have you done it to be the best? Behind our backs?” The thin subsidiary crossed his arms on his chest.

All of them looked his way. Some had eyes wide, the thought never occurred to them but now, when it had been said aloud, it was the only scenario they could think about. Others glanced away and clammed up, they seemed to have expected it. Did the other Katsuki have had some quarrels with them before?

“Tell them you trained to impress someone.” Suddenly, Bakugo felt a weight on his shoulder. The Cat’s whiskers tickled his cheek. “She’s watching.”

From the corner of his eye he saw her, the Crush. Indeed she was standing with a group of friends, the same from the classroom Bakugo noted, and listening to the conversation. The quarrel must have created a small commotion. 

Bakugo shrugged to get The Cat off but it clawed his collarbone making the boy bite the inside of his cheek not to hiss in pain.

“Say it!”

“Is it true? Did you do it to outperform all of us?”

“Say it, she’s watching!”

“Don’t be silly, you’re accusing the person who gave our school a gold medal of training on his own, in his own free time? If anything, you should be ashamed you didn’t think about it yourself.” A guy too tall for his own good (and his back) smirked and pointed an accusatory finger towards the slim subsidiary.

At that time nobody, including Bakugo, knew that the tall guy, in a green shirt with the number 10 on the front and back, was a secret fan of the explosive blonde. The previous Katsuki might have recognised him. Number 10 tried to join the martial arts club but his physics were not the best for such a sport. The coach did try him out but soon they both realised he was not meant to be. At that time he shrugged it off as too-tall-for-this but in reality he was too-lazy-for-this.

Number 10 was not eager enough to overcome the weaknesses that made him a mediocre individual sports’ player. Instead he opted for disciplines where one competed with a team, a team that would make up for his imperfections. He was fine with it. He was tall and had long arms which gave him a headstart in basketball. Still, Number 10 admired people who could become stars on their own. It was a jealousy free type of admiration. Adding his natural nonchalance to the mixture, he had no problem standing up for Bakugo.

“I’m not even surprised he didn’t tell the team. Everybody knows that your manager has a boyfriend in a different school and she tells him all the juicy stuff. If I were Bakugo I wouldn’t want the enemy team to learn about my technique either.”

Another thing that nobody, including Bakugo, knew about Number 10, and what saved the day, was that he was a massive gossip.

“That’s true. Sorry.” Someone caught up with the basketball player and the air shifted from anger and disappointment to cheers and back slaps once again. 

“So, did you really train on your own to win for us?” His teammates pried.

“Hah, as if I ever told you nerds!” He clicked his tongue but smirked.

It was not meant to be mean but cocky, playful. The blonde had no clue what the other Bakugo was up to but now he was in town and he will simply be himself until he achieves his goal. Grabbing his water bottle he sprayed some of it on his hand and combed the wet fingers through his hair making it slick for a moment.

“I’m out.” Bakugo threw over the shoulder as he turned towards Crush as her group of friends only to walk through them with a short glance her way. It made everyone turn around a watch as he exited the gymnasium into the sunny day outside.

Katsuki didn’t know what happened behind his back, whether they were still looking the way he disappeared, if they were talking between each other about him, did the girl blush even? It didn’t matter though, he’s done his part and done it sharp, on point.

The Cat sat on a fence in the distance, its lazy swaying black tail caught Bakugo’s eyes. It gave him a thumbs up. 

Tag list: @ita606 @blueberrysoaps @bakunianadecorazon

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Sentimonsters Vs Tropes

It's no secret that I hate the fact that Adrien is a sentimonster, but I figured I'd take a minute to clearly explain why it bothers me so much because I don't think that I've done that and I should. There's obviously the issue that he will never have true free will and that's deeply upsetting, but my dislike of this theory came long before canon made that issue clear, further fueling my hatred. My baseline dislike is routed in the heart of the theory and the tropes it's brushing up against.

There are two standard tropes that you usually see with something like the sentiplot. The first trope is the humanization of the outsider and the second is the questioning of what it means to be a valid living creature. Let's quickly define both of these.

Humanization of the Outsider

This trope takes some external group and presents them as bad. They are the irredeemable enemy who must be stopped at all costs, the lesser race who are fit to be nothing more than slaves, or some other inherent disparity that's just a base part of this world. Whatever the setup, the story then introduces a member of this external group as a key character in the story and somehow creates a connection between that character and the "good" guys. Through that connection, we come to learn that this individual is, in fact, not inherently lesser or bad or what-have-you. They are just as valid as the "good" guys. From there, we are forced to reassess our assumptions about every member of the external group. If this one individual isn't what we thought, then are any of them? For a well-known example of this, think Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon.

The point of this trope is to make people question the way they view others. To suggest that maybe you're viewing a situation through biased eyes. Is any group inherently bad/lesser or do you just not know the whole story? What have you been taught and why?

What Makes You Worthy of Life?

This trope is basically the inversion of the humanization trope. Instead of focusing on how we view others, it focuses on how we view ourselves. It says that you're valid no matter where you come from or who your parents are. That you are not defined by others or arbitrary catagories. For a well-known example of this, think of that Mewtwo line that people love to quote:

“I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.” ― Pokemon, The First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back!

Combo Attack & Variations

Before we circle back to Miraculous, it's worth noting that these two tropes are often used in tandem. A non-human or outsider may question if they're valid and, though that struggle, teach others in-universe to question their prejudice. You can also have variations such as the non-human or outsider viewing themselves as totally valid without being part of a larger group, leading to the type of discussion that you'd expect in the humanization trope even thought, setup wise, it's more in line with the validity trope. Star Trek: The Next Generation has several episodes about this one, mostly focused around the character Data. Heck, Stark Trek hits every one of these tropes at one point or another because they're incredibly standard Sci-Fi tropes. A large amount of Sci-Fi is all about philosophical questions! This brings us back to Miraculous.

Dunking on Miraculous

When you use a standard setup like the introduction of a non-human who is supposed to be seen as human, you are joining a vast canon of literature that discusses this topic, adding your voice to thousands of others, making your statement on humanity and personal worth. Or, at least, that's what I expect to see when you introduce this type of setup. The problem with Miraculous is that it doesn't add to those conversations. There is no discussion of Adrien's worth or the worth of any other sentimonster. If anything, Miraculous has so far spat in the face of these tropes. To show you what I mean, let's look at what canon has given us from two directions.

Direction One: What makes a sentimonster valid?

Their creator. Adrien was made to live like a human and so we must treat him as one. If a sentimonster wasn't made to be equal to humans? Then no worries, go ahead and destroy them! They don't matter because their creator - aka their parent - decided that they're worthless. The circumstances of their birth define their fundamental right to exist.

Direction Two: What did finding out about their sentistatus do to Felix and Kagami's perception of their own self worth? Does finding out a sentikids' sentiness status change how others see them?

Canon seems to have no interest in even acknowledging that someone might ask these questions. Felix has known what he is for years, but doesn't seem to have any hangups about it. He wants to ensure his freedom, but that's not unique to sentimonsters or saying something about his self worth. Once he has his ring and the peacock, his lack of true free will and the whole remote-self-destruct issue don't seem to bother him. You could replace his status with any sort of magical control and get the same plot because the plot is about acquiring macguffins and nothing else.

Even Colt's abuse is only used to make Felix a sad little uwu who can't be held accountable for anything and not as a setup to Felix questioning his worth. We see Felix called "monster," but Felix has not been shown to have taken that insult to heart. He doesn't view himself as a monster. We don't even learn about the monster insult until Felix is "good." The most I can say is that there is a vague sense that Felix probably views humans as lesser, but it's hard to be sure about that based on the actual text of the show even if the word of god is that Ladybug made Felix trust humans. So that's a bust on Felix addressing this issue even though he's the best character to do it. What about everyone else?

Kagami seems to learn the truth in the middle of season five and she's totally fine. Not really human? Not a problem! Her love life is far more worthy of attention. Make her a human who falls in love with a sentimonster and, once again, nothing changes.

Marinette is implied to learn the truth during Felix's play and has no reaction. The fact that she's Miraculous Ladybugged away sentimonsters and even tossed a few in the sun doesn't appear to even cross her mind. The only impact this has on her is that she now has more secrets to keep from Adrien. Her view of him, Kagami, and Felix has not changed.

We don't even get Nathalie or Gabriel reacting to the idea of destroying sentimonster! For fifteen years, the only sentimonsters they've dealt with are Adrien, Kagami, and Felix. They appear to see these three as real human children and yet they have no problem switching to using other sentimonsters as canon fodder. If anyone should have reacted strongly to the death of sentibug, it's Gabriel because Nathalie is wielding the power to poof away his son and she just showed a total lack of regard for what is supposedly a fourth valid sentimonster, but we get nothing.

Given all these tepid non-reactions, I guess that the audience is not supposed to care about the fact that Adrien was the only character with no hopes or dreams in Wishmaker. That meant nothing about his worth or psychology! It was just a bit of fun foreshadowing! He's a real boy because his mommy and the writers said so. No greater discussion is needed.

What's the show's actual message then?

Now, do I think that Miraculous was trying to give us baby's first eugenics lesson? No. Absolutely not! This is, at best, incredibly clumsy writing that is trying and failing to tell a moral that I truly can't figure out. At worst, the sentiplot shows us that the writers have a fundamental lack of curiosity. A complete disinterest in using their massive platform to say something of value. They are here to shock audiences with poorly setup twists and nothing else. Whichever path you pick, it's not a good look.

I truly love these tropes and grew up consuming media that played with them. They have positively shaped how I view the world. That's why I find Miraculous' handling of this topic so incredibly depressing and upsetting. The problem is not that Adrien is a sentimonster. It's that he was made into one - robbed of his freedom and humanity - for nothing more than shock value. It's that other, "lesser" sentimonsters are being treated as disposable by one of their own kind. It's that there is no greater lesson here or, if there is, then it's going to be told in a way that completely fails to connect with the audience due to the show's terrible pacing and inability to use the type of focus you need to tell a coherent arc.

These are the writers who had Adrien give the high road advice at the beginning of season three and then didn't revisit that issue until the end of season five without so much as a flashback to remind viewers what the heck he was talking about. Rare is the viewer who can follow that plot and I don't expect the sentiplot to be any better assuming that there even is going to be a plot. If there is, then I already hate it! I don't want Miraculous discussing hard topics with superfans and no one else. I want it having those discussions in a way that the intended audience can follow. If it can't do that, then it never should have tread on such morally complex ground.

[tallwife]

Ive been kind of quiet about personal posts on here in the last year or so making my moves in silence so here's the full crazy rundown of how me and bf got together because all I've been doing really is make the occasional vague post but not expanded on it

Met this guy at a party about a decade ago (omg) when I was about 16/17 who I remember because I talked to him and this other boy about video games. Other boy was like a GIRL who GAMES??? And the guy was like 'obviously girls can play games lol' and I remember it well because it was funny and he was nice. Don't see him again

About 5 years ago meet the guy again, we don't make the connection for another few years that we've met before. He has a gf and is nice enough, but I don't know him very well yet

He hangs out with my friend group a lot and I click very well with him when we talk, but he's not on my radar because of aforementioned gf

I start a VERY tumultuous idiotic embarrassing situationship with one of his best friends aka the 'GIRLS CAN PLAY GAMES???' guy. I'm stupid and have feelings for him and on reflection it was insane. My heart is being ripped out constantly and I'm being toyed with

Meanwhile he and his gf break up and soon after he has a casual fwb thing with another one of my friends. So he's still not on my radar at all

As this is all going on me and him become very very good friends, its 100% just platonic and supportive. He finds out how badly his friend treated me and to my surprise he firmly takes my side on things and is a massive help and a great friend in this time, distances himself a little from situationship guy

We start to click and hang out constantly. We bond over being bi and other personal things and we have the same humour, nobody can make me laugh like him.

At this point about a year and a half ago, we probably hang out at least once a week. We have a cute weekly cinema habit and we talk about everything. I've never felt this comfortable and safe with a guy before. Start to realise he's also very much my type but I try to keep it out of my mind

He starts to get back into the dating world and I realise it makes me feel really nervous and sad. UNSURE WHAT TO DO. I worry that I am just feeling this way because of proximity and also that I am going to fuck things up if I ask about it. I also kind of fell into that trap of thinking 'if he liked me he wouldve already tried to make a move'. i start imagining how id feel if he got another partner longterm and it makes me feel really sad

About this time last year it's like I wake up one day and am like 'fuck I have feelings for him' but figure I just need to ignore it and get on with my life

Attempt to have a brat summer and affirm that I will find someone else and that these feelings will go away. By early July I realise this is IMPOSSIBLE and that I will need to tell him how I feel because he's the only person I ever look for at events and the person i think about all the time.

situationship guy leaves the continent and i never have to see him again HOORAY

A few of us go abroad in mid July. Hot country, us two and another friend, his gf and brother.

the whole time im TRYING to ignore my feelings but im 100% fallen in love and am so attracted to him. we have long late night chats over cigarettes on rooftops, late night swims, day trips by ourselves etc. so i realise i have to tell him how i feel or i'll regret it

almost have a heart attack from nerves but tell him on the last night of the holiday. feel like im going to get rejected and because hes slow to react and needs to process it im SURE hes rejecting me

we basically stay up all night talking about what this could mean, the implications if it goes wrong, can we stay friends if so, etc. but we do end up holding each other and falling asleep together.

the second we land back in ireland we go on a 40k+ step walk all day to discuss EVERY detail. at the end decide we're gonna try it and have a proper first kiss by the ocean AHHHHH

have our first date the next day

we fall crazy in love

both admit later on that we had BOTH been in love with each other for the past year and BOTH had resigned ourselves to never confessing it because we cherished our friendship so much and thought the other person would reject us

friends to lovers arc in real life complete

[alexbkrieger13]

https://www.rds.ca/hockey/lphf/conjointes-et-coequipieres-l-equilibre-de-poulin-et-stacey-1.19485912 the content just keeps coming

“Four months later, I haven't stopped smiling.”

This is how Marie-Philip Poulin highlighted her four months of marriage with Laura Stacey, in a post on Instagram on January 28. This simple but emotional sentence accompanied a carousel of photos of this day when they united their destinies.

The memories of that sunny September Saturday in the countryside on the border of Quebec and Ontario are still fresh in the minds of the two women. 

“When we watch videos and photos, it quickly takes us back to that moment. A weekend with all our favorite people in the same place. We couldn’t ask for better,” Marie-Philip told me before the start of the second season of the LPHF. 

Beyond the flowers, the white dresses and the bucolic decor, the presence of around 200 of their loved ones is also what marked Laura. 

"Everyone who means a lot to us came to our wedding. There are very few times in life where you get to do that." Even the couple's Golden Retriever, Arlo, was involved in the ceremony!

In the public eye, Poulin never breaks down in important moments. "Captain Clutch" is, however, the one who cried the most of the two spouses, Stacey reveals with a laugh. 

"I don't like to show my emotions. Neither does Marie, but inside she is very sensitive. We both ended up crying during the ceremony." Marie-Philip has no choice but to agree. "Yes, I am a little sensitive, but it was a very special moment," she sums up, recalling that it is rare for the couple to display themselves in such an intimate way. 

“We celebrated our love, this connection that we often put aside because we are teammates. Getting out of this comfort zone and showing ourselves as we are, it was magical” adds Laura. 

Teammates and lovers: two distinct spheres

It is true that the two women are better known to the general public for their exploits on the ice with Team Canada and, more recently, with the Montreal Victory. Even among their teammates, they do everything they can to be considered two hockey players in their own right. They do not sit next to each other in the locker room or on the bus and do not share a room on the road. 

"Let's get things straight. We are two people who are here for the right reasons and to play hockey," Marie-Philip explains bluntly. 

At the forefront of their relationship, Ann-Renée Desbiens is categorical: “If Laura misses a pass, you can be sure that Pou will tell her!” exclaims the goalie. Stacey confirms that at work, her wife is first and foremost her captain. “She’s clearly not embarrassed to tell me when I make a mistake on the ice! But it’s good for us and that’s what makes us improve.” 

Contrary to their usual habits, the two accomplices did not hesitate to publicly share their engagement in May 2023 on a beach in Hawaii, as well as numerous photos and videos of the wedding. This rare window into their world has caused a lot of reaction.

“At first, we were like, ‘Okay, that’s a lot,’ but people who came to see us, connected with us, brought us bracelets. ‘Hey, I can be myself, thank you!’ It really opened our eyes to being okay with being yourself,” says Marie-Philip. “We’re so focused on hockey and not letting anything show. But it’s also important to own who we are. We take advantage of the wedding to show off, but when hockey starts again, our couple goes back into their bubble and their own little world,” adds Laura. 

Their relationship pushed the Ontarian to learn French, which she is increasingly fluent in. She wanted to communicate with her in-laws from Beauce, but also with the fans in Montreal, her adopted city. 

“I play in Quebec, in Montreal. French is the first language in this province and this city. Everyone in Montreal welcomed me. I think it’s very important to try to find the right word and say thank you to the fans.”

Competitive Arena at Home

Ann-Renée Desbiens smiles as she talks about the progress of her two friends. 

“These are two women who have become better by being together. You see them every day supporting each other, encouraging each other, but also challenging each other! Whether it’s on the ice, off the ice or at home, they always want to win. Each is the other’s biggest supporter.”

This friendly rivalry even involves Arlo, now 4 years old. Marie-Philip reluctantly admits that he is more her partner's dog, even though she chose him. Laura offers an explanation with a laugh: "I think he likes Marie more for the food. She gives him maple syrup, bacon, etc. But he prefers to cuddle and lie on me. It bothers her a little!"

One of the couple's biggest challenges remains getting away from work since hockey is also their passion. According to Marie-Philip, they try not to bring up the subject once the door of the house closes. 

“We take the car to come back from the arena and sometimes we take a lot of detours to talk about it because when we get home it’s over… until we watch RDS and see the highlights and I tell her, ‘Did you miss that pass?!’”

[thatfrailsoul]

– The journey of a soul

new year tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

pictures from pinterest → one, two, three

Sometimes we crave that something… We feel the need to create, to speak, to make our steps in a certain way. With more intention, more meaning, more magic in it. Something that can give to all of this, to every single little detail and moment in our routines, more significance. And by doing so, give our own selves more motivation, strength, courage and energy to keep on going. Feeling that it is not at all useless. Feeling that there is something more in this life than just the material, at times repetitive or stagnant world. But even when we have so much desire for it… It is still not so easy to understand which is that one way to do things that can really help us see and feel again this world from the perspective of our soul, and not our consumed and tired thoughts. What we can do to connect, nourish and embrace ourselves. Through the expression of our soul.

This is our very first reading for this new year, requested by one of you to whom I’m so grateful for this idea and chance to tap for a moment in the more spiritual aspect of our life. No matter if you already have someone or something that you believe in, accepting their guidance in your life; if you always felt connected so deeply only to your own self; if you never felt this desire to look at life differently until this point… You are welcomed here, and there will be the right message for you. As no matter if we look at it from the spiritual and religious perspective, or more logical and psychological one, there is still something that can help you express, nourish and celebrate yourself more. Something that can help you find more peace within this year, transforming it into the strength to go through this life and the easy or challenging moments it sometimes gifts.

So slow down. Breathe. Allow yourself to let go for a moment of judgment, analysis or control. And just follow that one pile that attracts your gaze more. The one that is hiding the message from your soul.

P.s. A little question for you.♡

As I’m trying to improve the experience of the extended versions of our readings, it would be deeply helpful for me to know your opinion about their format! For example, when and if you’ll ever buy an extended version of a reading, what would be more comfortable for you to find in them? Just the additional message? Or it might be helpful to have the original one included too, so you have everything in one place in case you want to read again the whole reading, or check more than one pile?

{ Thank you so much for letting me know!♡ }

– Pile One,

the coffin: the king of wands and the temperance

This past year… There were so many things that you were forced to say goodbye to. People, connections, ideas and opportunities, journeys and goals… So many things didn't work, for one reason or another. So many of them needed a different approach, much more than you expected or could do. So many of them seemed to not want you at all, pushing you back no matter how many times you tried to make them work.

But even if it was frustrating and scary, you adapted to all the failures and changes. You tried to remain on the surface in any way you could, looking for something else, accepting whatever alternative seemed good enough for you. And even though you did your best, you managed to make things work either way, accepting them and being grateful even though they are not exactly like you wanted or imagined… It still remains a reality that is not quite yours. Just the one you surrendered to and embraced in the absence of other things that you truly wanted to live and achieve. And in the long run… It is tiring you. To need to keep up with a life that you don't feel truly fitting for yourself, your desires or goals. Because no matter how many positive aspects you can find in them, no matter how strong and capable you are, to make use of them and endure them... It still remains a heavy phase of life, the one that you are going through.

If we’d to ask ourselves what are the things in our life that we don't want or don't feel quite right… We would think almost immediately and only about the big ones. Work, home, studies, relationships that we can’t really control… But there is much more between these big and main goals or concerns that consume all of our focus. There are those little actions and decisions that we do each day, in our routine that we are not really even aware of anymore, allowing it to guide us blindly through one day and the one after that. And there are a lot of aspects of them that we let pass by, without looking at what they are made of. And how many things of those are really aligned with who we want to be or how we want to live this life.

It is normal that we can’t just stand up and change everything in our life, there are too many things that depend not only on us. But we don't need to change those in order to be able to feel safe and at peace, finally enjoying this life. We can and should do it in the little steps we take each day that we wake up.

So take a moment, sit down with yourself, grab a pen, a phone, your pc or whatever you feel more comfortable in using to organise your thoughts. And ask yourself, truly, who is that person that you feel to be in your mind and heart, in your inner world, and that each year you try so hard to bring into the real one. Look at them, describe them, so you can see yourself clearly. Not the version that was made by this reality, these circumstances that decided who and how you needed to be in order to survive and make it through. But the one that you are truly, without any if or but. Without any limit or consequence. Without any judgment or image to keep up with. See them, every detail about how they feel, towards others or just in their own skin. How they deal with obstacles or troubles. What helps them to unwind and relax. The things that they do and really feel satisfied after, proud of what they did no matter if it was a lot or little… And just keep them in mind. Make that version of you be your guide and idol, the one you look up to throughout this year. Each day of it. Because it is not just a dream or a delusion, your desire to be one day like that version that you have in your mind. It is actually your inner self that wants to be this way, and knows deep down that it is possible to feel so confident and safe. Because it's not that you are not like you want, and so is your life, while this is just a delusion that helps you sleep at night. It is still and always you, even if it is only in your dreams and goals for now. Both versions are you, just one needs some time and nourishment to grow up to be the other one.

Even if it might seem not so spiritual, to change your routine, to make room for the things that for so long you wanted to do but never had the time or space, or to just let yourself throw away the judgment and limits on what you do or how… It is still a spiritual, magical, practice. A practical way of taking care of yourself through the things that you can control, choose and decide. It is still a way of expressing and connecting to your own self. While simultaneously making little but significant changes in your life, allowing you to feel safe and comfortable not only within your mind or heart, but also in the things of the every day life.

And this, this can really make an incredible impact on the things that you can’t control too. Just because the wait will be more enjoyable, once you are staying in a place where not everything is frustrating and pressuring. Once you don't feel caught up between two things that give you only anxiety and unsatisfaction, but there is still something that is worth it, to go through these days one after another, while waiting for the big changes to begin.

This reality is hardly the one that you chose for yourself, but through little changes you can make it be more like what you want. So there is more of good and worthy, of safe and enjoyable, that keeps your attention better than the stagnant or bad ones, alleviating the pressure those have on your shoulders, on your heart and on your mind.

The spirituality is not only about practices, rituals, of following the guidance and “rules” of who and what you believe in… It is also and always taking care of yourself, in whatever way you need or can now. And in this year, in the one that once again you have so much hope for, the most needed and easiest for you way to nourish yourself is by making your current reality more safe and enjoyable for you, no matter if the other “big” things will change or stay the same. Because we can’t always control our journey, but we can change the way we go through it. And in your case, you can start doing it through the little things done for yourself, for that version of you that you want so much to manifest.

{ ♡ }

– Pile Two,

the cross: the lovers and the ten of swords

It is not the first time that this desire blooms within you. The one to be devoted to something close and true to your soul. To allow it to guide you, teach you. To allow it to protect you and take care of you as you go through these difficult days. It is not the first time you feel the pure and genuine desire to not feel so alone, so doomed, so lost. But to have someone or something to look after you, to light the right journey for you…

You already tried so many things. Opened up your mind and your heart to new ideas and beliefs. You held them close to your heart, let it in, right into your soul, and listened patiently, waiting for an answer, for a sign that this is something that is right and true for you, something that you can trust to guide you…

But although so many of them felt so exciting and interesting to learn about, there was always that one little detail that never fitted, never was quite right for you. Making it so difficult to stick with them, to truly dedicate your time and energy to them. To truly feel that faith that is needed in order to believe… The first moments of enthusiasm always faded. The new routines that seemed so easy to respect became more tedious and difficult to keep up with. The words that first resonated so strongly with your heart… Always sooner or later found their nemesis in your thoughts, in your fearful and anxious questions that never found answers that could satisfy them.

And you felt only more coldness around and within you. As this flame of connecting with your soul somehow, more significantly, in a more sacred way, didn't receive its nourishment. Becoming smaller with each day that you wanted to understand yourself and this world better, but were unable to crack the code…

But no matter how many things you tried, how much you learned about so many ways of creating through your soul or manifest your true self unapologetically into this world… It is still the very start for you. You are only at the beginning of this journey. As through your hard work you learned all the possible ways, methods, practices and ideas… But you never learned what, or who, is it that you want to connect to. You never took a moment to just look at your own self and what you hold within your body, mind and heart. There are many religions, many practices, many believes that could fit in your life, that could really help you. But it is difficult to find out which is the right one, when you don't really know the size you need, right?

Although it is admirable your openness and desire to learn and experiment… There is no need for you now to decide already who or what to follow. Because first you need to be able to listen to your own self, without any voice or interpretations of others in between. You need to focus on yourself, this year, on who you are, before trusting others and their truths. As they can so easily make you lose sight of who you are, when you don’t have what to hold to in the first place.

For now observe yourself. Your feelings, thoughts, perceptions and reactions when interacting with this world. Observe them also when you are all alone. When there is no one else apart your self… What do you feel, what do you desire or need, when facing all of it? Because you really do think that it is not needed, that there is noone that knows you best. But in this search for someone else that can translate the way your soul talks, someone who understands it… You didn’t notice how much you have changed. How much the motives and explanations of what you feel or think have changed, narrating a different story about who you are, and what your soul strives for now.

{ ♡ }

– Pile Three,

The child: the two of wands and the five of cups

So many plans, so many guidelines, so many routines… Always so many things to learn and to adapt to, so many limits needed for you so you wouldn't make mistakes… They really got you used to it. To have a clear vision of what you are going to do, or how, with all the needed steps to follow. They got you used so much to it, that you can’t help but do it regarding your own self, your own soul too. The way you express it, create with it… The things that you do to connect with it.

You can’t help but to rely on something or someone, just even the tiniest advice or guidance, before you do that one first step on the path that you are thinking to choose. But it doesn't really work with more intimate, less material things, doesn't it? It only kind of kills the enthusiasm and lightness in your heart by putting so many dos and don’ts into your mind.

There is nothing wrong in looking out for it… In looking around you, discovering different ideas and ways others do it. But it does become more heavy and strict when instead of being inspired and experimenting in your own way with it, you are trying to follow each someone's step, just to be sure to not be disrespectful, ignorant, or just weird.

Interests that help your mind to grow or hobbies that allow your heart to express itself and unwind… Routines that give you stability or practices that give you confidence… They all change so much, depending on who is doing them. For someone they are natural and easy. For others they are so difficult to stick with no matter how much one tries. And yet you still feel uneasy, you still believe that the reason you can’t find that one right thing, create that one safe space for yourself… Is you and the mistakes that, you are so sure of, you make.

And what if it is true anyway? What if you really do manage in doing only one thing and not the other? What if only one half of someone’s truth sits right with you? It is your life. Your soul. And it is obvious that it won’t be so easy to follow the example of someone else when trying to take care of it.

You tried so many things, explored so many different ideas and believes. And while you see yourself being able to welcome them in your life only partially as your incapability or inadequacy… You shouldn't ignore so confidently all those little things and details that still did resonate with you, even if each one of them comes from different cultures or practices. Your soul is the fusion of all your lives, your experiences, thoughts and feelings in each one of them. And the way it feels more safe to look at this world, and respect and nourish the one within you… Can indeed be a puzzle of all the different things that you learned or saw, but that fit so well together when you are that one connecting point.

Don’t busy yourself with finding, choosing and sticking to only one thing or way to take care of yourself, only one set of rules, only one school of thoughts. Because even though it might be the only one for someone, their whole life and armor, their story or personality, it doesn't necessarily need to be yours too. It can be strong, stable and beautiful enough even if it is made from different materials. A spirituality and magic that is all yours. The one that connects you to so many different parts of this world and to those that live or that used to, leaving to us their example and story to learn from.

Just go for your own way. Keep on remaining open, so enthusiastic and curious. Keep on learning and trying new and different ways, discovering how many things there truly are in this world that can be helpful and good for your body, mind or heart. Keep on enjoying them, or contrary, learning what are those things that are not quite aligned with you. And create as you go this beautiful and unique puzzle of wholeness and wellbeing, of a truth and guidance that is just yours, while still being connected to all.

{ ♡ }

[myillicitaffair]

One of your girls part two | Carlos Sainz Jr

Summary: after a fateful outcome, Carlos wants to fix what he unintentionally broke.

Warnings: english not being my mother tongue, angst, alcohol consumption, dirty dancing, small description of throwing up, cheating, mentions of sex, messed up dynamics, slight swearing.

Notes: second part of this fic. i also wanted to say i’m currently taking request, to anyone who might be interested xx.

Credits: the gif used belongs to @neymarhamilton ‘s tumblr account, so all credits belong to them. this part, just like the one before, is inspired by the song “one of your girls” by Troye Sivan.

1.8k

SIX MONTHS AGO:

A chilly night welcomes my friend group as we make our way through a prestigious and crowded restaurant situated in the heart of Madrid.

Being born and raised in Spain´s capital city, the girls now walking into the facilities have been by my side my whole life; faith brought us together our first day of school, just three frightened little kids trying to survive elementary.

I like to believe that we complement each other, even if we hadn´t met all those years ago, life would have found a way to connect us.

A girl’s night out is a rare occurrence between us; always being on the shy side, we very much prefer staying in, drowning ourselves in sweet treats while marathoning our comfort romcoms.

The reason why we´re summoned tonight is quite simple… my very first broken heart.

You see, in an attempt to lighten the mood, my friends brought us to an extremely exclusive eatery, one where we clearly didn´t fit in. The difference was quite notorious, surrounded by leggy models and their handsome companions, I quite frankly begin to wonder why I ever agreed.

With a deep breath, I straighten my back and let the hostess remove my coat. “In for a penny, in for a pound” I think with a resigned shrug of the shoulders.

As we´re carried to our spot, I try and take the essence of the place in. I start noticing its eccentric décor, dim lights brightening the burgundy walls, leather booths scattered all over the classy tile floor.

What makes an ordinary dinner such a big success? Its bizarre modality.

Our table is filled with strangers, completely engulfed in their different conversations. The main reason for my friends to take us to this unconventional location was exactly this; the inexorable need to engage in conversations with foreign people.

The first round of dirty martinis arrives as the last costumers take their places next to me, with a lousy cheer I pour the drink down my throat, feeling its pleasant burning down my body, warming me up, making me forget.

“Easy there tiger”- the man sited by my side chuckles, gesturing towards my empty glass.

I take a moment to wander across his features. Thick eyebrows, big brown eyes, plump lips. Definitely attractive, exactly what I need.

A smile creeps up my face, the wires in my brain getting to work.

I notice an elegantly worn designer shirt hugging his chest, his forearms resting against the wooden surface, his attentive stare trying to read my thoughts.

“And you are?”- I condescendingly tease him.

“Carlos”- his hand travels to mine, embracing me with his warm- “Carlos Sainz.”

The subtle body hair covering his fist tickling my naked skin, igniting a fire deep inside me.

And in that moment, I simply knew there was no getting out, not anybody else as long as he kept staring at me like this, eating me raw with his gaze.

That was the first night I ever came back home with him.

————

FOUR MONTHS AGO:

Carlos is away for the weekend, oceans separating us, palpable distance every time he races through my mind.

I try convincing myself It’s the sex I miss, the obvious physical attraction, the invisible force that pulls us towards the other, the feeling of his warm skin being impossibly closer to mine.

Truth being told, I’m sitting immovable on my bed, nervously waiting for a call.

I can’t help but recall his soft locks intertwined with my fingers, his tongue inching towards my neck, how he never fails to make my blood boil with a simple grin.

My phone brings me out of my daydreams, screaming for attention as a call enters it. His name glistening on the screen, filling me with pure bliss and forcing me to hold my giggles.

Acting like a schoolgirl with a crush while being a full-grown adult… how pathetic!

Two rings go by before i pick up, bitting my bottom lip to keep my voice calm as if I wasn’t desperately clinging to it seconds ago.

“Gorgeous, you got a minute to spare?”- he asks, clear amusement in his tone, abusing the charm he knows he has.

“That depends, Carlos, who’s asking?”

I’m gobsmacked at how composed I sound, nowhere near how I actually feel.

My knuckles turn white from grasping my sheets.

“Don’t be like that, princess, I know you miss me”- his smile visible through his speech.

My heart skips a beat, can his words be revealing my true feelings?

“Oh honey, keep lying to yourself if it helps you sleep at night…”

I’m met with his scandalous laugh filling the line, raising my pulse until it’s beating on my ears.

Everything stops, everything keeps going.

I close my eyes in acknowledgement, being forced to admit what i’ve been denying ever since I met him.

Oh, how screwed I am!

———

TWO MONTHS AGO:

The music rumbles at the disco, throbbing on my skin with its intensity.

Being dragged to a hip party, my friends and I are bundled up in the comfort of our own group, dancing between ourselves.

As I rock my body to meet the pulsating rhythm, I embrace Carlos’s presence behind me, tightly grabbing my waggling hips.

He presses himself into me and I rub against his growing erection, purposely torturing him. His kisses start straying while sucking visible red marks into my neck.

His penetrating cologne invades my nostrils, clinging into my bare skin like a golden tattoo.

The mix of the alcohol I insisted on chugging and his hands shaping my whole body becoming intoxicating.

A foreign touch on my shoulder makes me open my eyes, leaving me to face my friend staring at me like i’ve grown a second head.

“You’re coming with me”- she pronounces as she drags me away from Carlos, who snorts in disbelief.

“What? Why?”- I ask as i’m forced to take a seat at the bar.

“Have you gone mad? You two were literally dry humping each other in the middle of the crowd!”- She hisses worriedly, forcing me to drink the water bottle she bought for me.

As she sits next to me, I prepare myself for the lecture she’s about to impart me, letting my eyes wonder across the dance floor.

I catch a glimpse of Carlos standing against a wall, hemmed by complete darkness, sometimes interrupted by one of the dj's lights.

When the spotlight lands on him, I start noticing the delicate hands hugging his broad shoulders, the almost nonexistent distance between him and the blonde caressing his cheeks.

Bile climbs up my throat, threatening to be ejected thanks to the scene before me.

Her lips all over his neck, staining the collar of his white shirt with lipstick.

Realizing i’m not paying an iota of attention to her, my friends follows my gaze stumbling across the sequence.

Effortlessly, she yanks me away from the enclosed space and into the garden.

Without being able to stop myself, I empty the contents of my stomach into the ground, constantly replaying the flashbacks of their sensual dance.

“Everything’s okay now, love”- My friend states while caressing my tangled up hair. Her fingertips come into contact with my cheeks, brushing my tears away.

Sobs are quick to scape my lungs, becoming more and more erratic as I imagine the second by second unfolding inside the disco.

———

PRESENT:

After running away from Carlos’s house, in the middle of a Madrilenian night, I’m fast to hide into the loneliness of my apartment.

I can’t even find comfort in blaming him as I was the one to agree with our “no exclusivity policy”, believing I could make it work.

How stupid of me to think I would be capable of not being trapped into his nets.

Clearly the only solution I can possibly come up with is crying it out, and that’s how I found myself in this situation; puffy eyes, completely ruined mascara, quivering eyes from shedding way too many tears.

Could I have been more stupid? I can’t even resonate one good reason why I would ever accept what he’s willing to offer me while wanting him in his entirety.

My determination is easily devastated as desperate fists bang against my door.

“Please, open up”- A too familiar voice implores from outside the apartment.

“I don’t ever wanna see you again”- I manage to scream through whimpers.

“I beg of you, please let me in! I swear I can explain.”

Standing right on the other side of the door, I feel my hand toying with the doorknob, trying to determinate whether or not to listen to his pleas.

“There’s nothing to explain, Carlos!”- I say, above a whisper, my voice to fragile for anything else.

“There’s been a while since i’ve been with anyone else, alright? Not since all I could think about was you!”

An unbreakable silence fills the hallways of the building, only the sound of his pantings and heavy breathing interrupting the stillness.

Without much hesitation, I open the hinges separating us.

Clearly, I was nowhere near prepared for the view before me; his full brown eyes now shimmering with unshed orbs, accumulated in his tear ducts.

“How about the girl from the voicemail?”- I ask, almost scared to find out this is all a product of my imagination.

“I know what that seemed like, but I promise you it’s not what you think!”- he says, piercing me with his gaze- “That was my ex girlfriend. She has a hard time letting go of me, even though there’s been more than a year since we’ve last been together. I never answer her calls and that’s why she’s getting more and more desesperate.”

Everything around me stops just to listen to his next words, my heart betting so out of control he might even hear it.

“Back at my apartment you told me you were enamored by me, well, there’s no use in trying to deny i’m in love with you”- he whispers, just loud enough for me to hear- “so much it’s physically painful, it’s all I can think about.”

My brain turned into mush as his confession sinks in. I almost want to laugh at how ridiculous the idea seems to me; the man I love, probably the only one i’ll ever love, stating that my feelings are reciprocate.

A sigh leaves my parted lips as a quiet tear runs down my face.

“I know i’ve made my mistakes and believe me when I say i’ll regret them every minute i’m on this earth, but I promise you, that if you give me the chance, i’ll make it up to you until my dying breath”- his voice sounds shaky, as if he couldn’t believe the words coming out of him.

I don’t think I ever reacted as fast as now, jumping into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his torso. Little giggles leave both of our mouths at the ridiculous situation.

“I love you”- He murmurs, muffled by the kisses he’s pressing against my checks.

“I love you too”- I answer back, with our bodies still entwined.