#oracle (dc comics)

[heyyallitssatan]

I like to think that Batman’s suit is really heavy

Like, the thing obviously Kevlar weave, with lots of armour reinforced bits, not to mention all of the gear and gadgets and tools he has on his person, I mean, anything he’s ever thought he may need, anything he’s been mid fight thinking that a particular tool would be useful, he has it somewhere, probably a few of them

And all the kids too, they’re equally equipped even if they don’t necessarily look it

So I like to imagine that some of the heroes decided they should do a costume switch for fun

The bats agreed, and the best part wasn’t them being weirded out like they thought they’d be, unmasked and all that, no, they couldn’t care less, instead everyone else is freaking out about how heavy the bats costumes are

How the hell do they do impossible feats of acrobatics wearing shit like this

Even the supers think it’s excessive, and they have super strength

The bats all take the opportunity to try some of their moves without the weight, given that they work out wearing even more weight

Turns out they can flip and jump and move in even more insane ways than anyone thought possible and everyone is more terrified than they were a few minutes ago

Everyone decides the bats are better with their gadgets

[jesterraconteuse]

You don't understand there's a part of me that wants Alfred Pennyworth to never age but there's another part that's like

As Alfred grows older his body grows tired and everyone notices. And for Bruce that's his surrogate father. For everyone else that's Grandpa. Immediately there's a secret boot camp in the Batcave for everyone to start learning how to better care for themselves. Selina Kyle assisting of course.

There's already disability accommodations for Barbara so they just need to tweak and add some stuff. They've learned from her needs and start researching on how to care for the elderly for Alfred specifically.

On paper he's still a butler but really everyone (who lives or stays for a long time in Wayne manor) makes sure they learn how to do the hardwork for themselves. Most of his job is just to be there for them honestly. They insist on doing things for themselves.

But Alfred is Alfred. So he knows what's going on. And he's so deeply proud of them. He doesn't let him do anything he insists he can or wants do himself. He's still his own person after all, and they gradually learn his boundaries and patterns.

Bruce keeps paying him but not in a way you'd pay a butler usually. More in a way where you'd send money to your retired parents.

Do you see my vision?

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce once made an offhand comment about how no one wears watches anymore because they all use their phones to tell time

The next day Tim buys a smartwatch

Dick straps the hourglass he got from the dentist onto his wrist

Damian carries a bunch of candlesticks with nails in them and lights one whenever he needs a timer

Jason lugs around two industrial buckets of water to make a water clock

Steph gets an antique pocketwatch but it's carried around by a personal assistant that's coming out of Bruce's budget

Barbara buys a classroom clock and keeps it in her wheelchair pocket

Cass stands in a well-lit area and checks her shadow

Duke unearths a fifty-pound sundial and names it Duke II

Bruce no longer comments on Gen Z

[pinkiemachine]

HEEHEEHEE….

Part 2 👇

[twunk-red-hood]

"Red Hood's tits or Nightwing's ass" -the greatest thread in the history of batforums, locked by Oracle after 12,239 pages of heated debate,

[shyjusticewarrior]

A reminder:

Robins: Dick, Jason, Tim, Steph, Damian

Batboys: Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Duke

Batkids: Dick, Barbara, Jason, Tim, Cass, Steph, Damian, Duke

Batsiblings: Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Cass, Duke

[allthegothihopgirls]

"justice league doesn't know batman has kids" and by some freak incident, they end up meeting them all at once, after never having one single sneaking suspicion of batman being a family guy.

you've got every batkid + justice league member in the same room, and bruce tries for a total of 6 seconds to diffuse the situation before giving up.

there's bats left right and centre making completely false claims about how their family came to be, just to stir shit. also purposely trying to ruin batman's 'stoic and mean' reputation as best as they can.

jason and steph are telling everyone that they're all bio kids, and bruce does try and correct that one (some of those kids don't even belong to him in a non-bio way!!) but not before tim pipes up and goes 'well actually it depends what you count as biological, he grew me in a lab'.

dick's taking full advantage of the JL's perception of batman being oh so impressionable in the moment, and is telling stories of his childhood + batman raising his younger siblings, making him out to be the softest guy to ever exist (completely on purpose). cass is nodding along next to him, and making sure whenever she adds a comment that she uses the word 'dad' instead of batman just for the extra domestic flare.

babs and jason are explaining how they all consider themselves bats, in a way that would make anyone believe that they're in a cult. bruce is standing amidst it all, an immovable object, with dick's arm on his shoulder, and damian huddled into his side (ALL for dramatic flare. they need the JL to know that he's. just a guy with kids).

[lesbianbabsgordon]

Someone was pirating movies on the batcomputer…

[lemonlimestar]

save me 90s bats…. 90s bats save me….

[oraclenthusiast]

the barbara and bruce dynamic is actually so funny to me like they're co-parenting a teenage girl together, babs is dating bruce's son, she's the daughter of one of the only people bruce actually trusts, they've been coworkers for years, and they just legitimately CANNOT stand each other. they're close with the same people, work together all the time, and yet literally every conversation they have in batgirl (2000) goes exactly like this:

barbara, just got back from a date with dick, picking up cass for her week of custody: hey cass it's nice to see you sweetie :) oh hi bruce.

bruce, returned from a (play)date with commissioner gordon, recently worked with dinah, babs's best friend in the world: barbara.

babs, unable to stop herself: how's it feel being a bitch all the time?

bruce, also unable to stop himself: i don't know, BARBARA, why don't you tell me?

[azrette]

He actually doesn’t play video games… Just wants attention.

[arttuff]

they have a terminal case of the sillies

[melonnabar]

DIALOGUE CREDITS TO MY BEST EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH @jaccats FT BABS

[incorrectbatfam]

Damian's TikTok but it's just him saying "real or cake?" before running up to his siblings with a knife

[pinkiemachine]

Everyone say: FAMILY VACATION!!!

[mysterycitrus]

the dialogue around babs and her disability is so cooked because if there was some understanding that disabled people with a mobility aid — whether it be a chair, a frame, a walking stick, a scooter, prosthesis, whatever — aren’t “trapped” by the devices designed to help them navigate the world we wouldn’t be stuck having the same reductive conversations. kim yale and john ostrander reintroduced babs as a disabled woman who took pride in her intelligence and abilities and saw her wheelchair as a means of reclaiming her independence and autonomy. she removes the handles on the chair because no one, whether it be her father or batman or darkseid, gets to push her around. taking that from her is an act of violence, whether ur tom taylor who can’t envision a world where disabled people are respected and capable unless they are magically cured, or a random online who thinks stealing the wheels off someone’s wheelchair is funny