#or that what name the characters call buck has that much of a deep meaning like yes i have my own headcanons about tommy calling buck evan

[epiphainie]

.

[newtkelly]

Not to word vomit on you but I can't stop thinking about Oliver wanting a love story like Tarlos and how it all accidentally lined up.

Knowing that Carlos and TK were about to move in, and then Carlos made that romantic gesture and TK got scared because it was, "too good to be true."

Carlos is left, confused, puzzled and nursing a broken-heart but still just as in love. What do you mean that TK and Carlos saw a future together, one got scared at that prospect and left before Carlos was the one to leave??

What do you mean that happened after Oliver said he wanted Bucktommy to have a love story like Tarlos; where it was always going to be them?

Then you consider Oliver saying that we might see Tommy and Buck interact during a call and it'll be awkward and who can't help but think of TK and Carlos running into the furniture store and seeing each other for the first time in weeks.

Anyways, sorry to be delusional in your ask box. I'm deep within the Tarlos trenches so this is all starting to look eerily familiar lmao (it could also be Tim is out of ideas, which is most likely the case)

Please feel free to word vomit on me always, I live for it.

Receiving this ask has actually prompted me to share some thoughts that I’ve held back from sharing, just because I wasn’t sure if it was worth it to throw more speculation into the void. But this message is so lovely, and I agree with it so much and so… okay I will share some of my mixed bag of thoughts about this whole situation.

Firstly, I adore Tarlos and LS (even if I don’t post about either much), TK is my baby, and the interesting thing about them for me is that I wound up caring for them more AFTER they broke up and got back together. If Buck and Tommy’s story is formatted as a rom-com, TK and Carlos are a tragicomedy. TK, the heartbroken recovering addict thrust into an entirely new city, a new career, who doesn’t want to let himself get too close to something good because he is misery incarnate. Carlos, the hopeful hopeless romantic who sees TK and doesn’t see something that needs fixing, but someone who his love could help heal. It’s such a gorgeous story, and the symmetry of both characters shockingly losing a parent in a tragic way is painfully beautiful. I LOVE their love story.

That brings me to Oliver and Tim’s comments. Throughout the Buck and Tommy relationship, my belief that this would be Buck’s final relationship only ever wavered twice. The first time was in the immediate aftermath of their first date (I spent the whole episode thinking that Tommy was actually reintroduced to kick off the bi awakening plotline and Buck was not acquiring a boyfriend) and the second time was towards the tail end of the summer hiatus when I legitimately began to doubt Lou would want to come back given everything that transpired. Other than that, I had full faith that this was it, this was Buck getting off the “hamster wheel”—Tim’s words, not mine.

I had confidence for a few reasons. 1 – the story was always handled with care onscreen and gave us no reason to think they weren’t going to work out. 2 – the chemistry was insane, and I knew it couldn’t just be me because an entire fandom was born. Tim and tptb must have seen what we saw. 3 – the supplementary information funneled to us through articles and Tim’s social media, literally up until post-8x06 never seemed to indicate that their relationship was headed in this direction. A big part of that was the comparison to Tarlos.

In order to protect myself (should I name the list of shows, movies, couples that I’ve fixated on that wound up playing out in dissatisfying ways?), I am awfully pessimistic. The post-episode interviews, articles, + hearing a bit from LFJ and OS has me wondering if this was some mass hallucination. Did we truly cling to something good and blow it up, run with it? Was this always the plan? I’ve wondered if because S7 was so short and S8 required that other characters get the spotlight first/other stories needed to be told and wrapped, and if because of production and scheduling and whatever external reasons, did their relationship wind up having a longer life than was ever intended. Were they ever supposed to make it to six months? Were they ever supposed to make it past the fucking wedding? I have been asking myself this stuff a lot. Alternatively, did something happen that made them want to or have to part ways with LFJ? So many questions, and I’m not sure we’ll ever know.

But… then there’s the delusional side of me, and the reason I haven’t totally abandoned hope is because when I was watching 8x06 live, EVERYTHING in me told me that this is a necessary section of the rom-com formula. Even the call-backs throughout the episode made me feel like the writers are so painfully aware, and that the narrative wants these characters to be together (Miceli’s, Abby, basketball, going to the movies, calling an uber, the loft kitchen, “you’re not ready”)—the motifs were absolutely popping off. I did not think it was the end when the episode ended. I wondered when and how they would find their way back to each other to fulfill the rom-com genre, but what I did NOT expect was to open social media and see articles framing this as the end. I wasn’t surprised when I found out who wrote the articles, and listen—if they bait one side of the fandom, can’t they bait the other? I still have some hope, because at the end of the day, anything can happen with network television. Maybe this is all part of the plan, and the interviews should be taken with a grain of salt. I just don’t know.

Interviews with Tim and Oliver from day one positioned the Buck and Tommy relationship as a queer love story devoid of trauma. Okay, well… huh. From where I was sitting, there was A TON of explicitly queer trauma exposed in 8x06. Their “hurdle” is tied utterly and completely to queerness. Tommy runs because he is a gay man who doesn’t trust that his bisexual boyfriend should “settle” for him, and who would rather be alone than heartbroken, and if that truly is the last of Tommy, it has to be one of the coldest and cruelest exits we’ve ever seen on this show. Do they simply not realize how deeply traumatized both characters come off in that episode, or is it all part of the plan? If the interviews positioning this as the permanent end of bucktommy should be taken at face value, shouldn’t the other interviews that position them as a rom-com (with the formulaic third act breakup, boils and all) be taken as the truth as well? If there was some misinterpretation, why hasn’t Tim said anything—he clearly knows a lot of fans were hurt by what they watched. He must have seen the outrage—why radio silence? Did we truly blow this out of proportion? Are the wheels coming off behind the scenes? I need a tell-all at this point lol

Thank you for the lovely ask, I’ve been sitting with these thoughts all week so this was a good excuse to finally articulate them. <3

[bidisasterevankinard]

What is your opinion about the vertigo poster that Tim posted? People are saying that is a confirmation of Buck being in love with Eddie…

Im really tired about all the “will they, won’t they” and I love Lou and Tommy/Buck relationship, do you think Lou will come back for season 8 or are you of the opinion that they’ll break up on the finale?

Idk the meaning of Vertigo(tell me). But the things I know:

People was talking about "this detail"(I can name like 5 right now without thinking much) says what buddie will happen. But it never happened

Ryan literally called Eddie HETEROSEXUAL. which means now no one sees him as queer and nothing like that will happen. Especially while he still deals with Shannon and her ghost, if ever. All the talks "but Tommy/Eddie was in plan means Eddie is queer" miss the point it was on the same stage of planning as Maddie/Eddie before 2x1. They had idea, they looked at their story, talked with actors and said "no, It's not what we will do" and dropped it. So now people need to understand that in canon creators see Eddie as hetero. Ryan sees him as hetero and Tim really respects and listens to opinion of his actors about their characters (I still hc Eddie demi btw, but people need to understand hc and canon is different things and I respect Ryan's opinion)

Ryan also said it was important for him and Oliver to play how queer man comes out to his straight friend and nothing between them change. It was important for him to play it to the situation he had with his close friend to show that men can stay close as before even if one of them comes out

Lou said bucktommy are thriving during what seem like 7x9/10 shooting

Tim called bucktommy rom-com and rom-com couple stays happy together in finale

Oliver is excited about exploring bucktommy's relationship and said it exciting to work with Lou and he hopes to get to know him

Both Ryan and Oliver told that they want to show that men can be close and vulnerable how buddie are without any feelings involved

Oliver said he doesn't want the situation where queer guy comes out and it means he's in love with his best friend

Lou till yesterday was not active in cameo which means he more likely was shooting and they kept it secret bc it can be spoiling. I can't see Buck's good and exciting coming out story, when he's so smitten, end with break up in the finale

Also, bucktommy kissed right after Bobby's wedding speech, right after madney's kiss with the love song which soooooo deep connected to madney's love story still playing. They could drop the music, not show the kiss, but they did. To show the point that Buck and Tommy are falling for each other step by step. And Tommy is the one calling Buck 'Evan' and it was confirmed important(and that Lou was instructed not to call him Buck) in they way that Buck loves how Tommy calls him that and to point out how different Tommy is. Which means that they plan to leave Tommy as long term. At least try to and gather reaction from ALL the fans, not just buddie fans

Also. It's season 7. And all the seasons Buck tries to find stability in love life, settle down. And it starts to get boring and painful to see how 911 use him to bad love stories and arcs. The last season started with him trying to prove he can be good captain eventually and Bobby tells him he needs to gather some more experience and settle down at ease, before he will be ready. And it's actually time for Buck to settle down. And Tommy can be it. Person who likes him, who respects him, who runs to him, who chooses him. Buck can settle down with Tommy and be finally at ease with love and look at what else life has for him. New hobbies, new possibilities in job(not even become a captain, but for example lieutenant as somehow our show doesn't have it, they might think about adding it. Or become mechanic. Or something), new friends even

So, I'm pretty positive this poster means nothing more than Tim appreciated the, as I know fan's work(correct me if I'm wrong), and Bucktommy and Lou are here to stay and people should get use to it

[karenandhenwilson]

I think I figured out, at least for myself, why the 9-1-1 fandom and part of the Buddie-or-Bust side of it feels so much more toxic than ever before when I know for a fact, those demanding Buddie has to become canon and who are looking for any tiny clue to be able to say it will become canon have always been this toxic. (I mean, with the exception of some people who came into the show because with Buck being bi the show was suddenly not queerbaiting anymore--lol, it hurts even just writing this as if it were really true--and then became die-hard Buddie fans or at least pretend to be to garner enough followers and clicks to make money out of fandom. But I'm not talking about them here.)

Before Bucktommy, there was no real opposition for them in the fandom. Buck and Eddie both had other LI and those had their fans (I know for a fact there are still people now shipping Buck with Taylor or Buck with Marisol or Eddie with Shannon). But those were very few fans and they created their own little spaces in fandom places and were barely noticeable. So the Buddie-or-Bust fans were able to mostly ignore them. And there have of course also been some small fanon ships for Eddie and Buck with other people, but those are barely noticed either.

But Bucktommy? That got huge in practically an instant. Because so many people were excited for bi story line with an established character and one in Buck's circumstances (not even Buck himself). And the Bucktommy fans were loud about their support of this new canon ship. So Buddie-or-Bust fans suddenly felt threatened and became much louder in their hate for anything not Buddie. Because now, for some reason, the fans of the other ship seem to be a threat to them. And also, for the first time for any of the LI of Eddie or Buck, they made an honest effort to set up Tommy and the relationship with him as something long-term. Which the Buddie-or-Bust fans recognize just as much as the Bucktommy fans, and so they try even harder to find fault in every single thing.

And that did change something in the behavior of the die-hard Buddie fans. At times, I've been neck-deep in Ana bashing, in Shannon bashing, in Taylor bashing, in Chimney bashing, in Abby bashing, in Maddie bashing. Because I enjoy a good bashing at times. It can be very cathartic. But you know what I've never seen there? I've never seen any of those characters being called derogatory names. Or their fans being called derogatory names and, in most cases, their fans didn't retaliate to the bashing either. (Though, at least for Chimney fans they sometimes very viciously go against people even just mentioning they don't like him and it came up a couple of times that Chimney fans found derogatory names for those bashing Chimney because that group of fans also seems to be unable to avoid content bashing their fav and instead sought it out deliberately to complaint about it.)

I can't even count anymore how many derogatory names I've seen for Tommy or Bucktommy or Bucktommy fans. They seem to come up with a new name every other day. And they enjoy trumping each other in their creations and using those names to get around the boundaries others try to set for themselves by filtering out the already known names.

And I already see people coming at me with "Oh, but Bucktommy fans started it by calling us BoBs." and just: No. Once more, you get an F in reading comprehension. It's always been made very clear that BoBs stood for Buddie-or-Bust and I personally don't see anything derogatory here but also, it's always been made very clear it's a specific subset of Buddie fans who behave poorly to separate them from the Buddie fans who don't care about Bucktommy. Because those people using that term are very well aware that there are really just a couple of very loud bad apples in the Buddie side of fandom and the rest of the Buddie fans don't deserve to be lumped in with them. While, on the other hand, all Bucktommy fans are always called names as a whole.

And I think their biggest problem is not even necessarily the "threat" they perceive Bucktommy to be to their own ship, though that's clearly a big part still. Otherwise, they wouldn't come after authors and artists and other fans who once shipped and created for Buddie and are now creating for Bucktommy. And otherwise, they wouldn't tag so many Buddie fics as Bucktommy, too, in some kind of strange hope to convince Bucktommy fans to ship Buddie again. (Without noticing that all they are accomplishing is to make everyone annoyed at them. And yes, that includes those Buddie fans who don't care for Bucktommy at all because they need to curate the Buddie tag very carefully now, too.)

I think their biggest problem is this belief that their ship is only valid if it's canon.

Which is so strange. Fandom has always mostly been about ships that are very much not canon. And no one ever expected their ships to become canon in the past, as far as I know. (Except if it was promoted and then didn't happen. Looking at Sterek here.) Canon ships barely get any attention. I mean, look at all the 9-1-1 ships that are canon, including Tarlos, and how little content there is for any of them, and also how little engagement there is for this content compared to Buddie. That's always been a trend in fandom, that's not new with 9-1-1.

It's not only strange, I also think it's honestly sad for these fans. Because they have deliberately set themselves up to be disappointed and dig that hole of disappointment ever deeper. Even if Buddie should ever go canon, which I honestly don't think will happen, it won't be at all what they expect. And they'll either leave the fandom or turn on the ship they were so toxically addicted to before.

[baronetcoins]

So. The US has a speaker of the house(*). If you've seen the memes floating around for the past few days, you might find yourself wondering: how did that happen? Buckle in folks, this was a bit of a ride.

(*) for now

When we last left our... main characters, Kevin McCarthy had failed an 11th ballot to be elected speaker, down 20 Republican votes when he could afford a maximum of five defectors. The house then voted to adjourn until 12 eastern time on January 6th. Overnight, some deals happened, because for the first time since day 1 there was a significant movement in votes. Round 12 saw 14 of the representatives who had previously been defectors voted for McCarthy—not enough to give him the speakership (lmao, imagine?), but enough to prove his chances of victory weren't entirely dead. Important for later, three representatives were absent—Ken Buck (R-Colorado), Wesley Hunt (R-Texas), and David Trone (D-Maryland).

Round 13 went much the same in actual voter count, with one more of the never-Kevins peeling off to vote for McCarthy, though it was the first round in which there was not another republican candidate formally nominated. Trone came out of his voluntary surgery to vote for Hakeem Jeffries, and there was a motion to adjourn so the republican caucus could continue haggling, which passed. Setting the house up to reconvene at 10 pm eastern time, and some of the most dramatic hours we've seen in this whole glorious train wreck.

Signs suggested Kevin was feeling good—when asked why he felt confident he had the votes to clinch this, he responded "because I count." Two of the more notorious never-Kevins (Boebert and Gaetz) seemed open to negotiating. The press reported Buck and Hunt would be returning for the evening vote. A cart loaded with giant boxes of Five Guys burgers rolled into the speaker's office.

The hours pass. 10 pm rolls around, and the air is thick with anticipation. The house chaplain offers a prayer in which she suggests the gridlock may finally be over. Patrick McHenry (R-North Carolina) gives a nominating speech for McCarthy with not one but two jokes that fell extraordinarily flat, all the while wearing a bow tie.

Now, the votes for speaker are conducted as roll call votes. The poor, probably underpaid, long-suffering house clerk reads off the name of each representative in alphabetical order, then goes through a second time calling the name of any representative who didn't vote the first time. This takes... a while, but what it means is that when you know who's vote to watch, you spend a while in anticipation of that person's name being called, listening to the alphabet.

The other thing to understand, as this gets deep into the weeds, is a little more of the nuts and bolts of how the count works. The speaker of the house is elected by a majority of the votes cast—that is to say, the number of representatives-elect who vote for a name instead of not voting or voting present, divided by half, plus one.

M = [ (# reps elect - # of reps elect not voting - # of reps elect voting present)/2 ] + 1

The US House, while normally filled with 435 reps, currently has 434, due to one death. 212 of those are democrats, the remainder are republicans. If all 434 vote, the threshold for a majority is 218 (434/2, +1). If, say, two members vote present and everyone else votes, the threshold is 217.

The remaining detractors were Biggs, Boebert, Crane, Gaetz, Good, and Rosendale. Biggs, first on the list, voted for a non-Kevin guy, Jordan. Boebert, second in line, voted present. This was a difference that got audible applause from the chamber. For one brief, beautiful, shining moment, it seemed like we might have a resolution. And then Crane votes for Biggs, which. Fine. Kevin can spare a few losses. And then, Gaetz doesn't. vote. Not voting present, which is a different thing. He just lets the first round skip him. Good votes for Jordan. Rosendale votes for Biggs. At which point, the math is as follows. 434 congresspeople, 432 votes, 217 to win. McCarthy has 216 votes. It all comes down to Gaetz: if he votes for McCarthy, Kevin wins. Anything else, and we're doing this again.

Gaetz. Votes. Present.

At first, this gets cheers and claps. And I look at my mom, who's watching the vote with me, and wonder "what the fuck?" The reaction makes me doubt my math. The floor is in chaos. Pretty quickly, it seems people realize that McCarthy is not, in fact, speaker of the house. Kevin runs back towards Gaetz and starts "negotiating" (fig 1)

Fig. 1: things get heated

A democrat heckles from the distance, yelling "On your knees!" To Kevin as he approached Gaetz. There are calls for order. Mike Rogers, R-Alabama, has to be physically dragged away from Gaetz (fig 2)

Fig. 2: lol, and furthermore, lmao

All this, followed by a motion to adjourn until Monday that at first appears to be successful, until Kevin runs to the front to tell members to change their votes. It appears a deal has been struck—and ballot 15 proves it. All the remaining holdouts vote present, lowering the threshold to 215, and allowing Kevin's 216 votes to take him over the line. Truly, our long national nightmare has come to a middle.

What does this mean? Probably bad things. The rules package and committee assignments are yet to be formalized (that'll come on Monday), but expect the house ""freedom"" caucus to be more or less running the show (*) (*pending a long and bloody battle over the rules, which is, IMO, still on the table).

I could go through the speeches, but it's 2:30 am and I've got a flight tomorrow so I would literally Rather Perish so instead, to conclude, i'll leave you with this.

(3: source)

[postgamecontent]

It's Arcade Archives Sale Time Again, Featuring Tetris The Grand Master, Metal Slug 2, and More

Cyber Monday? Black Friday? Whatever you want to call it, there are a ton of sales going on right now. And with that, a rare Arcade Archives sale appears once more. I'm sure regular readers know the deal with Arcade Archives. A vast assortment of arcade games from a variety of manufacturers spanning from the late 1970s to the mid 1990s, generally released for both PlayStation 4 and Nintendo Switch on a weekly basis. There are hundreds of them now, and that library is always growing. Sales are rare, only a handful each year, and each of those sales typically covers no more than ten games. That means when one comes up for a game, you should assume you will never see one again. It's only a few bucks, but we can all use an extra few bucks here and there.

As usual, this sale has ten games included. We've got five titles from the NEOGEO line, and five others from a few different publishers. The NEOGEO games are 50% off, and the others are 30% off. Note that if you don't see the sales appear yet, they might not have popped up in your region. Check tomorrow or something. All of these sales run until the end of the day on December 2nd, 2024. Anyway, let's look at what's included this time.

ACA NEOGEO Games (50% off)

Stakes Winner

Don't write this one off because you aren't interested in horse racing. This is actually a pretty fun, unconventional racing game. You need to aim to come in the top three in each race to earn money, collecting power-ups and avoiding power-downs on the track as you go. You can train between races to get permanent upgrades, too. Quite fun on your own, and a genuine blast with a friend. The second one is better, but this is a fine pick-up for four bucks.

Aero Fighters 2

A solid vertical shooter with a wacky cast and story, this is one of the better games of this genre on the NEOGEO. It's from that era where the genre had matured quite a bit but hadn't shifted into the bullet hell trend yet, and I know some people find that the most agreeable sort of shoot 'em up. I mean, how can you resist a game where a dolphin named Spanky pilots a fighter jet?

Metal Slug 2

Metal Slug 2 sometimes gets the short end of the stick since it basically got a re-do in the form of the much better Metal Slug X. But there are enough differences to make it worth owning both, provided you can tolerate this game's massive amounts of slowdown. I think it's hard to argue with any Slug game for this price, even if this might be the least interesting pick from the series.

World Heroes

This one-on-one fighter is early enough in the genre's boom period that it feels a bit strange to play. The cast is an assortment of colorful characters from various times and places, and it's a real highlight of the game. This is one series where the sequels made dramatic improvements, but if you're looking to complete your set I'm not going to stop you.

League Bowling

A simple and straightforward bowling game, but that's exactly what makes it appealing. You get some little graphical flourishes to remind you that this is a NEOGEO game, but for the most part you're just rolling that ball to hit the little white pins at the end of the lane. Lots of fun with friends. If you're flying solo, keep in mind that this makes no attempts at offering a deep experience.

Arcade Archives Games (30% off)

Tetris The Grand Master

Arika's challenging take on Tetris can be a little hard to wrangle if you're used to the long-running standards the Tetris Company has maintained. With that said, this is a pretty great version of the ubiquitous puzzler, with its key feature being in how it grades your play. A fine side dish to the Tetris Forever Digital Eclipse documentary.

USAAF Mustang

A horizontal shooter originally developed by NMK and published by UPL, USAAF Mustang is a workmanlike effort that is fairly enjoyable up until its absolutely brutal final stage. A nice score attacker, and one that might appeal to fans of military-themed shooters like UN Squadron or P-47. I don't dislike this game, but it's a perfect candidate for a sale like this. It's fine enough, but nothing too special. You'll want to be paying less for it than, say, Gradius II. Now you can.

Gunnail

Here's another NMK shooter, this time a vertical one. In a lot of ways this is a Raiden-style affair, and even some of its weapons seem drawn from that game. But there's an extra twist to this game that makes it really fascinating for score chasers. Your shield can absorb a couple of hits, but the closer you are to death the more points you'll get from killing enemies. If you want an optimal score you need to keep yourself at the edge of dying at all times. Nifty. I like this one a fair bit.

Vandyke

Originally released by UPL, this is a pretty odd game. It's a vertically-scrolling action game, along the lines of things like Commando or Ikari Warriors. But you play as a barbarian who swings a sword and can jump. There are other weapons to collect, plus various power-ups to find. It's quirky but very charming. I think it's a solid pick-up on sale for those who want something outside of the more commonly represented arcade genres.

Roller Jammer

Nichibutsu time, and this is another unusual game. It's kind of a horizon-chasing racer where you're on roller skates, but most stages task you with simply passing a certain number of other racers before time runs out. You'll have to avoid obstacles and avoid wiping out, like in most racers. But you can also jump and punch, and a big part of your strategy can and should involve beating up the other skaters. Vaguely Road Rash-ish? Compelling in its creativity.

[therealityhelix]

Just because that first one is smiling, does not mean he's friendly.

That Swag is my darling favorite should go without saying. It's kinda funny because he is nothing like my normal type of fave, but sometimes a character is just so enjoyable that it doesn't matter.

Swag is layers upon layers of masks, operating under a fake it till you make it program that is in constant flux. He endlessly rebuilds and remakes himself, and despite certain strict rules and being a legit business owner, is one of the most fluid and chaotic characters in the group. He bucks social authority hard, and while he starts out a bit selfish and self centered, he skews far more towards trying to do what's good rather than what's legal. Meaning that, while he doesn't go out of his way to be a hero, he will try to help people who are right in front of him. He is sometimes bad at it.

Considering how truly awful he used to be, and how he chose to go about not being that, he is a rare example of a wildly successful reform. Most of the biggest name villains in his world either died, or called it quits eventually, leaving only the smaller rogues to decide if they really wanted to continue or not. I imagine his world as being contemporary to ours, but with more cyberpunk candy goth overtones, rather than the classic art deco or endless grunge feels that many other Gothams portray.

Swag is one of those obnoxiously fashionable people who you want to be mad at, but you can't because he's charming instead of insufferable. He is openly afraid of commitment, but has a deep capacity for love and care, and an almost religious (but not quite) need to put more joy into the world than he did pain. He knows he can't make up for what he did, but guilt will always drive a person to try.

Swag is agile, and the fastest among his peers, but his body just never holds much weight or muscle, so he's not as strong as, say, Arkham or Narci. He can take a lot of pain and keep going though-if all the contraptions in his bedroom closet are any indication-and is difficult to drop. He does not believe in fighting 'fair', he's just seen too many fights for that.

Swag is not to be trusted in the kitchen! Get him outta there! However, he is a very good seamster, and often designs clothing. He has a lot of hobbies to keep his mind occupied, and work off his boundless energy. He has troubles with addiction, alcoholism being his greatest nemesis, after giving up nicotine since discovering Helix was allergic to it.

When Swag was ten years old, a Gray showed him the future. There, he met Narci and Helix, and a few other people. And though as the years went on, that memory faded into a dream, then a fuzzy recollection, then nothing more than a faded impression with no details, it kept him alive. At his lowest points, when he wondered if it was really worth it to go on, he always ended up clinging to the unfounded belief that someone was waiting for him, and so he stayed alive.

Swag was an unintentionally guiding force for many of the other Riddlers, and is universally beloved. In the end, like Detective, he also eventually got almost everything he wanted.

@cardwrecks @captainbaddecisions @whocares-idont

[grahamstoney]

How To Be A Successful Loser

New Post has been published on https://grahamstoney.com/life-coaching/how-successful-loser

How To Be A Successful Loser

I have a recently-ex friend of mine who really gives me the shits. Let’s call him “Garry”… because that’s his name. Garry is what I call a “successful loser”. He worked hard, became successful and made a lot of money; but then threw his success away because he was unhappy. Ever since I’ve know him, he’s been at a bit of a loose end trying to sort out what to do with his life. Restless and unhappy, he spends much of his time spreading his misery and unhappiness to others. But this morning thinking about Garry inadvertently led to the epiphany which I am convinced is going to change my life.

Garry reminds me of George Costanza from Seinfeld

Garry complains about everything, but doesn’t create anything himself or contribute much to other people. His presence may be welcome at first, but after a while becomes irritating. Garry is defensive and judgemental. He cracks jokes that are only amusing to himself, and uses humour as a way of avoiding his painful feelings. Garry considers other people’s emotions to be “self-indulgent” and actively avoids dealing with his own emotional upsets by projecting them onto someone else. He criticises other people who delve deep into their emotional pain in order to heal it, while he wallows in the shallow end of his own misery, never really getting to the root cause of his emotional problems. As a result, he never really heals his own pain. He doesn’t listen, especially when confronted by reality. Instead, he says “No no no!” when faced with the truth and stays stuck in victim mode unable to move forward. He is chock full of limiting beliefs and will actively argue for their validity when challenged. He’ll even encourage you to take them on too, and criticise you when you don’t adopt his own cynical beliefs and negative world view. He has a misplaced sense of entitlement where he acts as if the world owes him somehow, yet doesn’t seem to believe that he deserves to be happy. He makes a half-hearted effort at everything in life which pretty much guarantees that he won’t be successful at anything, then blames other people for his own failings. He’s fundamentally ungrateful and untrusting. He’s done just about all the personal development program and read almost every self-help book on the planet, yet hasn’t learned a damn thing because he never puts what he learns into action. Instead, he has come to the conclusion that none of it works. He hasn’t read my book on confidence for men which would definitely change his life, because he knows that if he did, he would end up being accountable for putting what it says into action because he knows the author. Plus he’s a cheapskate and doesn’t want to fork out the lousy $27 bucks for it. Garry hates taking risks, and only ever takes action when he knows it has a guaranteed positive outcome; which in real life means almost never. Instead of taking responsibility for dealing with his issues, he just goes around broadcasting misery to other people.

(That’s what my ex-flatmate Paul used to call a “free character assessment”)

The truth is that Garry is so annoying precisely because he reminds me of the part of myself that does all these things too. It’s not just about Garry; it’s about me.

Garry reminds me of George Castansa from Seinfeld; only not so funny. This morning I remembered that episode where George realises that since he’s a complete loser, he should always do the opposite of his normal inclinations. As a result, he stumbles on unexpected success all over the place. If Garry’s life choices have led him to so much misery, the obvious answer is to do a George.

This led to a major epiphany where I discovered the question by which I’m going to lead the rest of my life:

What would Garry do?

Just ask this question in any circumstance where I have a choice to make, and then do the opposite. Byron Katie came up with four questions that changed her life, but I reckon I’ve refined it down to just this one. I don’t think it even requires much conscious choice to do the opposite to be honest; just asking the question itself is probably enough:

When the going gets tough, what would Garry do? He’d give up.

When things aren’t going my way, what would Garry do? Blame other people.

When the girls I like don’t seem to like me, what would Garry do? Whine and complain.

I stuck this note on my fridge to remind me.

Next time I decide life is all too hard and I want to give up on my dreams, go look at porn, declare everything hopeless, renege on some promise I’ve made to myself, quit before I’ve even started a new project, or give up on it before giving it a decent chance at success, I’ll just remind myself:

That’s what Garry would do!

Now I know all this sounds pretty harsh, and would probably hurt Garry’s feelings a lot if he were to read this. After all, deep down he’s a sensitive soul like me. But I don’t care. No more Mr Nice Guy for me. The guy needs a shake-up anyway.

I don’t want people like Garry in my life any more. I have enough irritation, cynicism, resentment and resignation in my own head thanks very much, I don’t need an added dose from anyone else.

From now on, I’ll be listening to that voice in my head called Garry… and doing the opposite.

[brassknucklespeirs]

5 / 21 with Ron because You Get It.

Pᴏɪsᴏɴ [Rᴏɴᴀʟᴅ Sᴘᴇɪʀs x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ]

Angry/Jealous Kiss with Ronald Speirs

i wrote this while listening to Poison by Alice Cooper and man did it set a scene for me so we're calling this little ficlet..

To say there was tension between Captain Ronald Speirs and Lieutenant Y/N L/N would be a complete and utter understatement. Both parties made sure to express to everyone that what they held for each other was a sense of dislike, one that took over every sense of their being when they were around each other, which was often, as two officers of Easy Company, but it has always been said to never judge a book by its cover. The two officers were interesting beings and outwardly seemed almost complete opposites of one another, one who hid his emotions so deep in himself that he could be considered heartless, while the other had hers on her sleeve for the world to see. The one thing they similarly shared was their pride, and god did it rear its ugly head when they were together.

Y/N was a woman deserving of her rank, having worked hand and foot to obtain the level of respect she received from the enlisted men and officers alike; a respect she felt was severely lacking from only one man. Ronald Speirs was a man of reputation, and boy did he fight hard to create the image he was viewed as. He wasn’t in it for the name per se, though of course it was certainly an added bonus, yet Y/N made it aware that she found that hard to believe. From the judgey eyes she constantly found loitering in her directions, combined with the numerous times he had snapped at her in front of the men about things such as chatting to them in passing or spending too much time with the enlisted, the woman held bitter thoughts of the man. Perhaps this made her bias towards speaking on his character.

In addition to that, she found the man’s way of doing things unnecessary and down right stupid, meaning she looked for any way to criticise his ability to be praised for the smallest of thing. Perhaps it was simply because she too had worked herself to the bone, putting herself on the line on multiple occasions and yet received nothing more than a clap on the back for it. Ronald Speirs was put on a pedestal for all the world to see and received every benefit from it while she stood below, craning her head just to snarl up at him.

The real problem came in to play that night, and as a lot of acts of chaos begin, it started with a drink. Y/N was much like Buck had been, the labelled rank she had been given was hardly able to sway her from joining those men off duty for a drink while they stopped by in a town in Switzerland. Much to the enjoyment of her soldiers and friends, the woman had let loose for the first time since before the war, the alcohol lingering in her brain like a pretty haze of clouds. 

The woman in question was leaning on Floyd’s shoulder for support as they drunkenly giggled through their shared conversation. Luz held her by the opposite shoulder, worried she might tumble off the bar stool if she tilted any further from her seat, yet a fond grin was pulled to his lips as he rolled his eyes at her antics. Y/N felt free, more so than she had in so long, the weight of the world seemingly falling from her shoulders the more she spent with the men. 

Captain Speirs sat in the corner of the bar, Nixon on his left and Welsh on his right, both of whom were watching the twitch of his lip as his gaze lingered on the two men pressed against her. They shared a glance, a knowing look passing over their faces before they turned back to their friend. 

“You know, one of them just might spontaneously combust if you glare any harder Ron.” Nixon quipped, raising an eyebrow at the man as his head whipped to him, the look of denial in his eyes alerting the intelligence officer of the words that were about to tumble from his lips. Yet no words came as he glanced between his two companions, sensing from the looks he was receiving thst there was going to be no way out of this. He simply huffed, shrugging his shoulders before wrapping his fingers around the lukewarm beer that had been sitting in front of him untouched for a good while. His knuckles turned white and his fingers seemed to flex and twitch around the glass as he turned his glare to the table, and one could say it was almost a pit that seemed to rise to his face, like that of a child getting their favourite toy taken off them.

Y/N was finally starting to settle down from her boisterous laughter, her hand still clutching at her stomach to try and apply pressure to the stitch that cramped her belly. After a moment, she too reached for her glass, though of course hers was much more empty than that of a certain captain’s. She took a large gulp, savouring the crisp drink while her ears tuned in to a new conversation the men had been having that she seemed to be only partially involved in. Luz’s voice sounded from beside her causing her eyes to flicker to him, yet the haze of the alcohol seemed to make her mind fuzzy as she caught a glimpse of Speirs over his shoulder. She quickly looked away from him, but had looked at him long enough to notice his eyes set harshly in the table in front of him while the other two officers beside him cackled away to each other.

The woman let her eyes linger on George’s face as she felt the conflict build up in her, clenching at her mind and trying to take control of her while she thought of Speirs; damn intrusive thoughts. It would seem she didn’t win her battle as her gaze slowly fluttered over Luz’s shoulder and back to the man behind him while she took another sip of her drink. The cup hid her wandering eye, covering the fact that she was blatantly staring at the flexing fingers that had been firmly wrapped around his glass. Her lips left her own pint glass as her bottom one was pulled between her teeth, nibbling gently at the soft flesh. The captain’s gaze hadn’t moved, but she watched as his hand left the beer on the table and moved to his face, his thumb rubbing along his lip while he stared off into space. She couldn’t help it, the man looked so calm and she could even say beautiful when his facial expression softened, showing that fact that his mind was drifting off. Y/N didn’t even realise she had been chewing furiously at her own lip until she pinched the skin a little too hard causing her to jolt slightly. As if sensing it, his gaze flickered to her immediately, taking in the way her fingers brushed gently against her slightly bleeding lip before her eyes moved back to him.

The two almost froze as they stared, like dear in the headlights, yet as people known to be fierce and well put together, they both snapped out of it quickly. They’re faces both held what some could say was indifference, but there was a swirling storm wreaking havoc in both of their heads as they refused to be the first one to back down from this staring contest. What people didn’t know is that there had been a game of cat and mouse going on between the two for a while now, one that even they couldn’t decipher, and though they’d both figured out why, neither seemed to be prepared to act on it; until now.

Y/N almost jumped at the feeling of an arm being wrapped around her waist, her eyes instantly moving away from Speirs to look at Luz, who had stepped closer to her, a look of concern pulled over his face.

“You alright there sweetheart?�� He questioned, to which she just smiled gently, her mind clearly sobering up from that short experience of shock she had prior. The woman nodded, twisting her body to the side so she could lean on George, which was the only way she could stop herself from back to the captain sat behind them.

“Yeah Georgie, I’m better than alright.” She replied before tuning back into the conversation with a small squeeze of the man’s hand to show that he acknowledged her answer. What she would have seen if she had turned back was that of a fuming Speirs. His lip was struggling to stay pressed together as the upper one twitched with irritation while his fists curled into themselves, his fingers digging into the palm of his hand as he did. He had had enough as he stood suddenly, ready to walk out and neglect the drink he had nowhere near finished, deciding that the alcohol he’d had prior was giving him enough of a buzz; of course that was a buzz of annoyance and spiked anger. He looked back at the other two officers at the table, both of whom were looking at him in confusion as well as amusement.

“You alright there Ron?” Welsh asked before taking a swig of his beer, hiding the smirk that was pulling at his lips. The man didn’t nod at this, just let out a huff before stepping away from his chair to leave.

“Think it’s time I go and sort some things out before tomorrow.” He almost snarled in reply, the anger gripping at his chest and squeezing so very tight as his eyes caught a glimpse of Luz’s hand on your waist. Nix followed his line of sight, the smirk he already had becoming even bigger as he looked back at Ron.

“Want us to send L/N to help?” The intelligence officer said teasingly, the sentence causing a giggle to rise from Welsh’s mouth beside him. Ron went to snap back at the comment but he stopped himself, thinking it over a bit in his mind. He took a second before clearing his throat, his fists still clenched tightly at his side as he raised his chin up slightly higher into the air.

“Yes, that might be helpful, thank you Nix.” He replied cussing both men to pause their giggling, though the cheeky grins never left their faces. Nixon shrugged before taking a sip of his drink, leaning back in his chair further.

“Alright, whatever you want boss.” The man said, to which Ron just nodded before turning on his heels and storming out. Almost every eye in the room followed him as he disappeared in a flurry of heavy footfall, his gaze as cold as ice as he glanced around the room one more time. He caught yet another glimpse of Y/N pressed up against her friends, a little too close for his liking. His head snapped forward to stop himself from doing something he’d regret, and once he’d exited the door he closed it with purpose, his grip on the handle being extremely firm while another huffed breath left his mouth.

Y/N and the rest of the men continued staring at the door even after it was closed, no sound echoing around them as everyone held a similar confusion as to what just happened. No one would question it though, seeing as Speirs was a very mysterious man, one that no one would ever think of pissing off intentionally. The conversation slowly started back up again, though she struggled to pull her gaze from the door until she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned, coming face to face with one Lewis Nixon who stood behind her with a sloppy smile on his face, one that was clearly created from the several glasses of hard liquor he had consumed that night.

“Hey Nix, can I help you?” The woman asked with a grin, giggling slightly at the drunken man in front of her. He stumbled slightly as he leaned toward her, yet she caught him with her hands on his arms while she too leant forward so he wouldn’t have to.

“Ah yes, you can help me. We’ll actually not me, Captain Speirs. He wants to see you.” He muttered into her ear before giggling. Her eyebrows pulled together in confusion at his words, but a deep pit of worry soon followed as her brain connected the dots of him storming out.

“Uh yeah, I guess I’ll go now.” She replied as she stood, throwing an excuse over her shoulder at the men when they asked where she was going. “I’ll be back soon, promise.”

The air was cold as she stepped out into the fresh night air, the chill nipping at her skin causing a faint blush to cover her cheeks and nose. Her eyes scanned the area outside before falling on the lit up end of a cigarette by the side of the building, and she could make out the shining tank on his jacket as he inhaled again. The woman took a deep breath and squared her shoulders off before walking over to him, her arms crossing over her chest.

"You wanted to see me Sir?" Y/N asked, to which he rose his head to look at her. He took another puff of his cigarette before dropping it to the ground and stamping it, rather aggressively one could say, into the stone beneath his feet. He didn’t say anything, only gazed at her while tilting his head, a look of thought crossing over his face again. “Sir?” She called again, confused as to what he’d need her help with, especially when he wasn’t saying a word. She took a few steps closer to him until they were only a metre or so away, his eyes cast on her with every movement she made. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and shimmering in the dim light of the street lamps. They held each other’s gaze for several moments before he looked away with a humourless laugh, one of his hands coming up to run through his hair in frustration.

“You infuriate me woman.” He said finally, his tone seemingly cold yet it held a touch of something else that she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Her eyebrows drew together while her head pulled back towards her shoulders, taking offence to what he had said.

“Excuse me? I don’t quite understand what’s happening sir.” Y/N almost stuttered but she held firm and steady in the end, refusing to let his words take her own from her. He laughed again, this time taking a step closer to her, his eyes set upon her so intensely.

“I said you infuriate me.” He spoke again, taking one more step as he finished speaking, causing her to take a step back as well. The woman blinked several times, too lost in what he had said to realise he was still stepping towards her until her foot caught the wall behind her as they neared the side of the building. Her eyes flickered behind her slightly, realising she had nowhere to go as she refused to take one more step to be backed into a wall. Her eye turned back, looking up at him as she cleared her throat.

“You infuriate me too sir.” She replied defiantly, nudging her nose into the air to try and show her confidence in the matter, even though the growing proximity between them was making it harder to breath. He hummed lowly, but didn’t say anything else as he stopped moving towards her, though his eyes were still set on taking in every detail of her face.

“You’re too friendly with the men.” The officer said suddenly, and she had to control herself when the urge to roll her eyes came in full force.

“Sir, if I may, we’ve been over this before. They are my friends, yes, but they respect me as much as they need to, and maybe even more. That’s more than I can say about some people.” Y/N replied, the anger bubbling up under her skin as she thought of all the times this obnoxious man had tried to tell her to stop being so friendly to the enlisted men.

“And by ‘some people’ you mean me, Lieutenant?” Ron said with the smallest of smirks, his eyebrows raised in mock question as he stared down at her. She readjusted the position of her head as she crossed her arms even tighter over her body and cleared her throat again, her temper ready to boil over.

“Actually yes, I do sir. Because I’m here working my ass off for no reward at all while you could be out there making a cup of coffee and someone will congratulate you on how amazing you are.”

“It’s nice to know I’m so highly thought of.” The man replied, his smirk widening.

“Ugh, this isn’t a joke sir. You need to get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s annoying how you get everything you want with the snap of your fingers.” Her voice held such resentment, though it wasn’t focused on him, merely her lack of the treatment he got for doing anything. Speirs let out a huffed snort of air through his nose and she watched as his pupils blew several sizes bigger while he looked down at her. He took a step forward, almost pressing their bodies together if it weren’t for the fact that she’d stepped back into the wall, a quiet yelp of shock coming from her lips. His eyes were like that of a predator stalking it’s prey as they looked at her so intensely while he took that finally step to her, the space between them now being almost nonexistent.

“Not everything I want.” He practically whispered to her and she couldn’t help it as a shiver ran down her spine at the husky tone of it. His eyes set on her so carefully didn’t help, if anything it made her palms sweat and her heart race, something she couldn’t deny at that very moment.

“S-sir?” She stuttered out in slight shock, completely aware that the game they had been playing was quickly coming to its end. She inhaled sharply as she felt two hands grip at either side of her hips, the same fingers she’d been staring at 20 minutes ago were now digging into her flesh and god did she enjoy it.

“You really do infuriate me. And then you push me even further by letting everyone be so close to you but me. It’s like your taunting me, and it’s driving me insane. You drive me insane.” The man continued his previous remark, and the other officer felt as if the oxygen had left her body, her eyes widening while she stared up at him.

“Well, it’s mutual.” The words had slipped out of her mouth without her thinking, yet she wouldn’t have even had time to cover her mouth and apologise for her out-of-order remark before his lips were pressed against hers. She hasn’t been ready at all but the woman didn’t hesitate to kiss back, pushing against his lips just as harshly as he was to hers, as if they were still fighting this never existent battle between them. Her hands moved quickly to his hair, tugging at the soft strands as she wrangled to pull him as close to her as possible. His own hands were still on her hips, pushing with such force that she should be concerned she might end up falling through the brick wall behind her, yet she relished in the feeling of being handled so passionately.

His hands gave a particularly hard squeeze, his fingers digging into her warm flesh as he savoured the feeling of her being so soft under his touch. She let out a moan when he slipped his tongue into her mouth, the kiss becoming more frantic as they grasped at each other like they were in desperate need of affection. Ron groaned into her mouth when she bit at his lip, both their eyes opening as she pulled away, a cheeky smirk on her face. His eyes glistened at he stared down at her, happy that he had finally shown her why he didn’t like the men being around her so closely.

“I get it now. You want me all to yourself huh Ron?” The woman questioned teasingly, her tongue dashing out of her mouth to lick her lips absentmindedly.

“I honestly don’t care how close you are with the men, with reason of course, as long as I get the attention that I deserve as well.” He replied, his eyes flickering between her eyes and her mouth.

“‘Attention you deserve’? Who would have thought that scary, intimidating Ronald Speirs was needy for a little love.”

“Only if it’s yours, then yes, call me needy.” He confessed, his eyes shining with mirth as he looked down at her, opening his mouth to say something else before he stopped short at the sound of the pub door opening and closing. He glanced at her to stay quiet for a moment as he stepped back out into the light when he heard the footsteps getting closer. The man moved around the corner fully, leaning against the wall to cover any sign of the woman still pressed against the wall around the side of the building, one who was still trying to catch her breath from the dizzying experience she had just had. His hands moved to pull out a cigarette when his eyes found Talbert’s, the latter man walking towards him with a look of recognition on his face.

“Captain Speirs, Sir, sorry to bother you. You haven’t happened to have seen Lieutenant L/N walking around have you?” Tab asked, a slight tone of concern on his voice. Ron lit his cigarette before taking a long inhale, the smoke creating a large haze of cloud as he blew it back out before answering.

“I can’t say I have sergeant.” Tab looked slightly deflated at the comment but he just nodded his head.

“Oh well, thank you sir.” That was all he said before he turned on his heels and wandered off into the night towards the house he knew Y/N was staying in. Ron’s eyes followed him until his figure disappeared into the dark before he heard a giggle erupt from behind him. He took another drag of his lucky strike as he rounded the corner again, his eyebrow raised at the woman who stood laughing to herself, still in the spot that he left her. He took several steps to get back to her, stopping just shy of their previous proximity.

“‘I can’t say I have sergeant’, what a little liar you are Ronald Speirs.” He liked it when she said his name, so much so that he reached out to grab her hips once more, pulling her away from the wall and into his arms, the cigarette abandoned on the floor as he did. His lips found hers again, moulding together like they were meant to be there, made to be there, kissing this exact woman. He smiled against her lips when he felt her melt into his arms, and any tension that was there before had blown away with the wind as she relaxed.

“I could get use to this.” She whispered when they pulled away, their lips still brushing together as her mouth moved. Ron gazed down at her for a moment before chuckling, his hands giving a playful squeeze to her hips.

"Careful there Lieutenant, you almost sound like you enjoy my company."

"Well I mean, seeing as I did just have your tongue down my thro-" The woman didn’t get to finish her words as his hand came to cover her mouth.

"Alright, alright, get your ass outta before your little buddies come looking for you again." Y/N let him hold his hand there as he talked, her eyes flickering to it and back to him on multiple occasions as she thought of them on her, in any way that she could. She popped her own dream bubble to surface back to reality when she realised he’d been staring at he with amusement, a single eyebrow raised in acknowledgment of her flickering eyes. He let her go from his grasp, stepping back to allow her room to walk around him only for her to not move.

"Awh, you don't wanna be seen with me, is that it? How dare I tarnish the great Captain Speirs' reputation by making him soft." Y/N teased with a toothy grin to which he leaned down towards her once again, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"You make me anything but." He replied with a smirk as he nudged his nose against hers, his hands squeezing at her hips tightly. She rolled her eyes at the meaning behind his words, hiding the fact that she was screaming on the inside, her stomach seemingly doing flips within her body.

"Careful there Captain, you almost sound like you enjoy my company." She mocked the words he had spoken to her earlier causing Ron to roll his eyes at his cheeky little woman.

"Unfortunately." He replied with an annoyed look, though the playfulness was clear in his tone. Y/N smiled at him, her eyes trailing all over his face as it shone in the street light, and she couldn’t help it when she leant forward to give him one last gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth. She watched as his eyes fluttered slightly before she stepped back, a warm feeling of endearment cocooning her entire body the longer she looked at him.

"Bye Ronnie." The woman said as she walked back off into the night to find where Tab had run off to, but not before giving one last glance over her shoulder at him. He smiled at her, one that was full of affection and happiness, not at all the same man who had angrily and jealously stomped out of the bar in a huff. She knew then, regardless, she would take him either way. Her left eye dropped in a wink before she looked back towards her destination, a soft schoolgirl smile pulling to her lips as she reached up to brush her fingers agains them, completely and utterly in bliss from what had just occurred.

I should piss him off more often.

[mistletouchunderthetree]

So it’s not a sentence but I have this prompt generator that gives a story idea and this one sounds interesting: a major character does something say out of character and everyone has to figure out why.

thank you for this prompt! it's definitely a bit angsty but hopefully the ending is heartwarming enough to make up for it. it's established, married buddie, 14 year old chris, and definitely focuses on the family dynamic with chris as well as the buddie dynamic. anyway, it got a little longer than i expected (it is accidentally over 3k) but hopefully you still enjoy it!

"Hey, babe," Eddie says, not turning around at the sound of his husband's footsteps. He's elbow deep in soapy water, trying to get the dishes that they'd let pile up over the last few days clean. It's only when Buck doesn't answer that he looks behind him, then immediately pulls his hands from the sink and dries them with the nearest towel. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

Buck frowns, looking down at the tile floor. Eddie knows he's tired - they both are, having to work extra and usually separate shifts to cover while half of B shift was out with a stomach flu - but this is more than that. Buck's shoulders are drooped, and his eyes are a little glassy. Eddie takes a few steps closer.

"Chris was -" Buck stops and bites his lip. He seems to think for a long time, still not looking up at Eddie, so Eddie grabs one of his hands.

"Is he okay?"

"I mean, I guess so?" Buck says, a little helplessly. "He was just in a bad mood, I guess."

"What happened?"

"I mean, at first things were fine. I noticed he was a little quiet at breakfast, but I figured he was just tired. But then when we were in the car he - he just wasn't answering questions, at first. I asked if he'd done his homework, if he had anything going on at school today, if he was feeling alright. He just stared out the window so I told him it was rude to ignore people when they're talking to you and he…"

Buck crosses his arms over his chest, somehow making himself seem small, and continues to stare at the floor.

"Baby, what did he do?"

Eddie watches with horror as Buck's eyes fill with tears. "He told me that I'm not - that I'm not his real parent, and none of that stuff is my business, and he didn't care if it was rude."

Eddie gapes, trying to reconcile this behavior with the Chris he's raised the last eight years.

"I mean -" Buck sniffs, wiping harshly at the tears on his cheeks. "He's right. I'm not his dad and it's not my business, I guess, I was just -"

"You might be his stepdad but you've been raising him just as much as me for years, Buck," he says seriously. "He had no right to say that to you. I'm - I'm so sorry, I don't know why he would -"

"Maybe I'm just not a good dad?" Buck says, and it sounds like he's asking a question he already knows the answer to.

"That's not fucking true," Eddie swears, putting his hands on Buck's shoulders. Buck finally looks up from the floor; his eyes are rimmed red and his bottom lip is swollen from where he's clearly been chewing on it. "You're an amazing dad, and whatever the hell is causing him to act out - we'll deal with it, okay? I'll pick him up from school -"

"Babe, you have a shift -"

"I'll call out, offer to take someone else's tomorrow, or something. They'll be fine a man down for twelve hours, and Bobby'll understand."

Buck frowns but nods anyway. "Okay."

"Why don't you go get some sleep? I can wake you up for lunch."

Buck nods, then heads down the hallway to their bedroom. Eddie watches him, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut that he can't put a name to.

*

Eddie's drumming his fingers against the steering wheel to an anxious rhythm when Chris opens the door to the truck.

"I thought Buck was picking me up," he says, his face wiped clean of any emotion.

"Nope," Eddie answers, waiting until Chris' crutches are settled and he's pulled himself into the truck and buckled his seatbelt. "You got me today."

A small smile creeps onto Chris' face. "Yeah? Are we -"

Eddie is moving forward slowly in the heavily trafficked parking lot, so he glances at his son's face when he stops talking. "Are we what?"

Chris' face drains of something - happiness? Excitement? And then it hits him. Hope.

"Did you and Buck have plans, or something?"

Chris sighs and turns to look out the window, effectively shutting Eddie out. "No."

"Okay," Eddie says, mostly to himself. "Buck told me what happened this morning."

Chris sighs again, this time even heavier. His voice is monotone when he speaks. "Yeah, I'll apologize later."

"That's not -" Eddie stops himself. He huffs a breath, pulling onto the street and trying to figure out what to say. "Not to say that that's not important, because it is, but - I think it's also important that you tell me why you said what you did."

He can feel Chris' eyes on him, but he can't look away from the road. Finally, Chris looks away, and something like disappointment paints his voice. "Can we - tomorrow? Just - I'm not having the best day."

Eddie frowns. "Well why don't you tell me about it so I can make it better?"

"Can we just leave it alone?" Chris snaps, and Eddie startles. 

"Yeah," he says after a moment of tense silence. "Yeah, I'll leave it alone. We'll - we'll talk tomorrow. But that doesn't mean you don't need to adjust your attitude today."

Chris doesn't say anything, just continues to stare out the window until they arrive home. He's out of the truck and making his way to the door before Eddie can say anything, and Eddie knows Buck is inside making Chris' favorite dinner, hopeful that Chris just had a bad morning and things can be back to normal, and Eddie needs to warn him about the surly teenager headed his way. He sighs, lets his head fall against the steering wheel, then finally pulls himself out of the truck, trudging his way up to the house.

Chris is putting his backpack on the dining room table, unloading homework, and Eddie walks past him into the kitchen where Buck is clearly setting up to start making his fancy macaroni and cheese.

"Hey," he says quietly, and Buck turns to look at him with hope in his eyes that immediately drains when he sees Eddie's face.

"Not just a bad morning, then," Buck guesses, turning back to the stove.

"I don't know what his deal is," Eddie admits, then stops talking as he hears the click-clack of Chris' crutches coming toward them.

"Sorry for this morning, Buck," Chris says, his voice still in that low monotone. He sees the pot on the stove and somehow his sad face falls even further. "Is it - dinner, it's -"

"Buck's making your favorite," Eddie says, trying to inject some enthusiasm to it. It has the opposite effect. Suddenly tears are filling his son's eyes and he looks at Eddie with so much disappointment that he wants to throw up and he doesn't even know what he did wrong.

"So no burgers." 

It feels like something from out of left field. He furrows his brows at Chris. "What? Did we talk about burgers for tonight?"

Buck is already pulling the boiling water off the burner. "Hey, I haven't even started yet, we can get burgers -"

"I was doing the math in my head last night, and you know what I realized?" 

Eddie just stands there, staring at his son, who is steadily wiping at his eyes, looking up at him from under his curls.

Chris doesn't wait for either of them to answer. "Buck's been my dad for longer than she was my mom."

Eddie's heart plunges to his knees.

"I know - " Chris sniffles, "I know you guys weren't in love anymore but - but you always said you loved her."

"Chris, I - I did. I do -"

"Then how could you forget?!" His voice is loud in the quiet kitchen. Eddie's breath hitches as the pieces begin to put themselves together in his head. The burgers. Buck being his parent longer than Shannon.

Chris is tall enough now that Eddie doesn't need to, but he still drops to the floor in front of his son and pulls him into his arms, where Chris immediately collapses into him, crying harder than Eddie's seen him cry in years.

"I'm so sorry, mijo," Eddie whispers into Chris' hair. "I wasn't even paying attention to the date, but that does not mean I don't love your mom, okay?"

Chris nods against Eddie's shoulder, but he's still shaking a little.

"We'll order the burgers, okay? And I bought the ice cream last week, it's already in the freezer, okay?"

Chris pulls back and looks Eddie in the eyes. "You already got the ice cream?"

"I did," Eddie confirms, running a hand through messy curls. "I was thinking about it when I was at the store. Like I said, I just wasn't paying attention to the date today."

"Okay," Chris says quietly. He sniffles again, but there's still snot beneath his nose and tear tracks on his cheeks. Eddie's heart clenches painfully in his chest.

"How about you go wash your face, and I'll order the food."

Chris nods, then pulls himself out of Eddie's arms and slowly makes his way toward the bathroom. The door shuts behind him, and Eddie runs a hand down his face, trying to just breathe. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and finds a food delivery app that has Shannon's favorite burger joint, and orders three of the bacon cheeseburgers she used to love, along with a large side of onion rings for all of them.

"Hey." Eddie startles, looking up from his phone to see his husband standing in the doorway of the kitchen. "I kinda overheard a bit and put two and two together, and I - uh - I went in the closet to get the album." He holds the photo album up, decorated in glitter and cloth flowers with MOMMY written largely across the middle.

"Thank you," Eddie whispers, standing from the floor and walking straight into Buck's open arms. They pull apart when Chris re-enters the kitchen, sans crutches and face clean but with bloodshot eyes behind his glasses.

"I hope you're not too old for cuddles," Eddie says, grabbing the photo album from Buck, "because we've got some pictures to look at while we wait for our burgers."

Chris' lips turn up at the corners. "I suppose I could make an exception for today."

Eddie chuckles. They go to the living room and snuggle in close on the couch, Eddie on one side of Christopher and Buck on the other, as they start to go through the photos. Chris stops at one of him and Shannon, cuddled together on a couch not too differently from the way they are now, and says, "we gotta watch The Jungle Book, too."

"Of course," Eddie agrees.

Then Chris looks at Buck and says, "that was our favorite to watch together. She knew the words to all the songs."

Eddie watches Buck smile, pretending like Chris hadn't told him the same thing last year and the year before that, when he was first invited to Shannon's birthday celebration.

"Sounds like she had good taste," Buck says, a small grin on his face.

"Yeah, the best," Chris agrees, turning to the next page and resting his head against Eddie's shoulder. He doesn't get this way too often anymore, so Eddie takes the opportunity to press a kiss to his head. Chris' voice is soft when he speaks again. "I miss her."

Eddie swallows thickly and blinks back the tears forming in his eyes. He has no idea how it feels to lose a parent, especially at such a young age, and he hates with everything in him that his son has to know the feeling so intimately. "Me, too, bud."

*

Chris hasn't needed to be tucked into bed for years, but tonight Eddie watches him stop Buck in the kitchen while he's washing their ice cream bowls.

"What's up, bud?"

"Can you - come in my room? Before I go to sleep?"

Eddie watches Buck's eyes light up, can see it from all the way across the room.

"Absolutely," he says. "You go get your pajamas on and I'll be there when I finish the dishes, okay?"

"'Kay," Chris agrees, heading out of the kitchen and toward his bedroom. Once the door is shut behind him, Eddie makes his way to Buck's side, grabbing a clean dish towel to start drying.

"He's going to make you cry in there," Eddie says conversationally.

Buck snorts. "Oh yeah, for sure."

"Need backup?"

"No," Buck says, confident. "I got it."

Still, Eddie can't help himself, and a few minutes later finds him standing in Chris' doorway, behind the half-open door, listening to his two favorite people talk.

"I'm sorry I was mean to you this morning," Chris says, regret coloring his voice. "I know you're my dad, too. I just - I realized I've known you longer than I knew her. And it made me sad, so I said something I knew would make you sad, too."

"Thank you for apologizing," Buck says carefully. "I understand why you were upset and I forgive you. It must've been hard when you realized nobody else remembered what day it was."

"I mean, you didn't know her, so even though you're invited to her party now I wasn't really mad at you. But Dad knew her. I was just so disappointed."

"But he remembered the ice cream last week," Buck says. "So he didn't totally forget about her. But I can see why it was disappointing. It's an important day for all the people that loved her."

Eddie smiles, listening to Buck not only defending him but validating all of Christopher's feelings as well.

"Okay, I'm gonna go to sleep now," Chris says, and Eddie can hear Buck standing from the bed. "Night, Buck."

"Good night, Chris. Love you."

"Love you, too," Chris says, then raises his voice just a little. "And goodnight to you, too, Dad."

Eddie flushes, caught, then takes a quick step back when Buck opens the door with a grin on his face. He peeks around Buck to see Chris giving him a faux unimpressed look.

"Goodnight. I love you, bud."

Chris smiles, and his eyes aren't red anymore, and Eddie can feel it in his gut that he's going to be okay.

"I love you, too, Dad." Eddie starts to pull the door closed behind him, his eye barely catching Chris reaching over to touch the picture of Shannon on his nightstand. He doesn't mean to eavesdrop this time, but he still hears the quiet, "love you, Mom. Happy birthday," that Chris whispers, before turning over to go to sleep.

Buck is still standing next to him in the hall, so Eddie quietly asks, "Wanna talk about it?"

Buck sighs, then begins walking toward their bedroom. "No. I just. I don't know."

Eddie lets out a small laugh at the non-answer as he closes the door behind them. Buck's already pulling his t-shirt off and digging through a drawer for sweat shorts. Eddie follows suit.

"Whatever you need, babe," Eddie says finally, when they've made it to the bathroom to brush their teeth.

"Do you need to talk about it?" Buck asks, his words muffled by the toothbrush in his mouth.

Eddie's initial instinct is to say no, but he waits, finishes brushing before he says anything.

"I feel really bad," he finally admits, crawling onto his side of the bed. "I know I thought about it last week but - I didn't even figure it out when he was upset."

"You're not a mind reader, Eddie."

"We've done it every year for how many years now? I don't know how I just - ugh." He falls back against the pillows.

"Eddie," Buck says softly, and it makes Eddie turn to look at him. "It's a hard day for Chris, and you make it better for him every year. Even if it took you a minute to get there today. You do so much for that kid. But -"

Buck ducks his head.

"But what?"

"But it's gotta be a hard day for you, too," he says, eventually laying down next to Eddie and reaching a hand out to tangle their fingers. "For Chris, he just sees her as his mom. He doesn't think about the time she left. He doesn't know she was probably going to leave again. But you think about that. You think about her asking for a divorce, and then getting no closure. But you make sure, every single year, that Chris only has good memories of her, and that he gets to have a day dedicated to remembering his mom. That's - a lot, is all I'm saying. That's gotta be hard, too."

Eddie blinks back the tears beginning to form in his eyes. "It's so important to me that he remembers her that way. I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but it's the choice I made when she died and I intend to follow through with that."

"Because you're a good dad," Buck murmurs, rubbing his thumb against the back of Eddie's hand.

"You're biased 'cause you love me."

Buck grins. "Yeah. So?"

Eddie doesn't answer, just buries his face deeper into his pillow, trying to ignore the way his stomach still feels like it's in knots.

"Eddie, you're a good dad, but you're also human. It's okay if this day makes you feel bad."

"It does," he whispers, then immediately feels guilty. "I'm just - it feels like too much, when I let myself think about her."

"Why?" Buck asks softly.

"Because part of me is still mad at her. And part of me misses her. And no matter what happened, she was still - still my first love, and the mother of my child, and I'd move mountains to bring her back, just for Chris... But I'm still mad."

"It's okay that you're mad," Buck tells him, scooting even closer. "I think it's perfectly reasonable that you feel all that shit."

Eddie snorts. "I think you're being biased again."

"Nope," he disagrees. "You're being too hard on yourself. You're allowed to have mixed feelings."

"Yeah," Eddie whispers, and the knot in his stomach begins to unravel. "Thank you."

Buck leans forward and presses a soft, dry kiss to his lips. He smiles. "It's what I'm here for."

"What? Talking me down?"

"No," Buck says, kissing him again. "Loving you."

Eddie rolls his eyes but still feels his cheeks heat up. How something like that can make him blush after so many years is insane to him, but eventually his lips break out into a smile.

"You're very good at that."

"I'm very good at loving you?" Buck asks, wiggling his eyebrows. Eddie pushes at his shoulder with a groan, but immediately pulls him back in. Buck tries his best to keep his laughter quiet.

"You know what I mean, asshole," Eddie says, and then, "but also, yes. That, too."

Buck's laugh is a soothing balm for a rough day, and he listens until his husband quiets. One more kiss, a little longer this time, and then they say their goodnights, their I love yous, and Eddie rolls over, and Buck tucks himself up against his back, arm over his waist. Eddie links their hands together, and closes his eyes.

Buck presses a final kiss to the back of his neck, and he melts into the embrace, and he doesn't even realize the knot in his stomach is gone before he falls asleep.

[pinkpruneclodwolf]

Twisted Wonderland Humans are Built Different—

My Brain has Rotted out of my Ass and its all @broken-synchronicity, @twsty-lav, @naughtybodypillow 's fault.

I've had more than an epiphany, I had a post nut clarity. And now I'm gonna start throwing my ideas at the wall hoping that the shit sticks.

As we know, Merpeople, Beastmen, and Faeries all canonically exist in Twisted Wonderland (Sam's shop and his powers imply more but i can scream about him later)

What does this mean for humans? When you've got a 3 different apex predators throwing their weight around the humans of Twst were bound to develop as a means to catch up, don't even get me started on the prospect of families inheriting traits from their nonhuman forefathers.

As we know, from the sacred Twisted Wonderland texts. Rook Hunt is one Beefy Boyo. @leviskokoro said it best

"it said Rook weighs heavier than Trey despite his height. Trey is 5”11 and Rook is 5”8. The ideal weight for a 5”11 dude according to bmi is 155-189 lbs. But I’m not sure that bmi takes muscles into account so let’s say Trey weighs a little more than 189lbs.

Meaning Rook could possibly weigh higher than that as a 5”8 dude. I found that if you are pretty fit, you can have a heavier bow. The translation confirmed that Rook is fucking ripped under his clothes. And man pretty much breathes hunting. It’s in his name for Micheal Mouse’s sake!"

Now of course anybody could chalk this up to anime logic or even just being a gym bro, but we have to take into account the fact the Pomefiore breathes: "crouching beauty, hidden strength".

Not to mention the fact that Vil also has weights, knows various martial arts, and taught (forced) ballet lessons during the VDC/Pomefiore arc.

Let's focus on the ballet part, do you know how strong you gotta be to do ballet? Do you know how strong male ballet dancers are??

"Male ballet dancers jump three feet in the air fifty times a day. Their thigh muscles could cut a football player’s. They also have to lift ballerinas and hold their arms at ridiculous angles for ridiculous amounts of time sometimes. All ballet dancers are insanely strong because they work muscles that other athletes would never dream of and a lot of ballet dancers lift weights to tone on top of their regular dance schedule." Jaque Gowan, former Floor Associate. Answered Nov 8th, 2018 on "How Do I Prove Male Ballet Dancers Are Strong?" On Quora.com.

"To optimize strength without adding bulk, male ballet dancers use heavier weights with fewer repetitions in their workouts. They also focus on compound movements that improve their core muscles and increase stability while dancing. Male ballet dancers perform a well-rounded training program that improves their athletic performance and helps prevent injuries on-stage. Their entire fitness program focuses on creating long, lean muscles with enough strength and agility to remain in top shape for performances." Livestrong.com on "Male Ballet Dancers Do What Kind of Exercise?"

Let's not bring up the fact that he's an actor (although he's on a hiatus due to focusing on his studies).

Of course I'm basically screaming about a more experienced character whose disciplined himself enough to adapt to these types of strenuous things.

Which is where I pull out my Ace of Spades

Deuce Spade.

The best boy next to Jack Howl. Speaking of...

During the Savanaclaw arc Jack and Deuce went toe to toe with one another. Now a lot of yall might not have thought that it was significant to note due to pacing issues (that arc flew by fast as fuck) and overall wonky writing (they didn't dive deep into Leona the same way they did with Riddle, Azul, Jamil, or Vil which is a shame)

But thats not what I'm here to focus. The battle with Jack Howl was significant to me because ain't no way in hell is it possible for a boy that is literally 5'8" getting buck with a 6'2" wolf Therianthrope (i call them Therianthropes because that's the direct translation) and live to tell the tale.

Yeah, he led a gang of delinquents at the ripe age of 14 years old, probably got into plenty of fights but you cannot look me directly into my eyes and tell me this idiot could win against someone like that without magic.

I don't believe Jack held back either. He believes in a fair fight and his own way of justice there's no way he's holding back just because Deuce is a human or because he isn't using magic either.

The way I see it, if it were an average human going toe to toe with Jack, they'd be in the hospital.

Which where my theory comes in— In response to Fae, Merfolk, and Beastmen, humans evolved subtly to keep up.

What i mean by this is, Rook Hunt is strong enough to draw a long bow that weighs more than Trey (whose about 189-190lbs). Vil is capable of keeping up with Jack during their morning runs. (Wolves can run at speeds up to 31-37mph the average human sits at a meager 6.5— 8mph, you can't tell me Vil isn't a beast in these streets)

Rook Hunt literally scares his non-human classmates to the point where they don't even want to be in the same class as him. You can factor in his magic all you want but there's no denying that if you can scare Leona, forever second prince to Afterglow Savanah, you got some freaky shit going on and you need to be put on a watch list.

But I digress...

Without magic I'd assume the average human (not humans with magic they're in whole league of their own) can run around the same mph as Usain Bolt on a good day.

Listen... when you're competing with beastmen for food in prehistoric times, Greek gods that have nothing better to do, and the various unnamed monsters of TWST you've got to step it up or you're out of the game.

Better hearing, better eyesight (although that doesn't mean you can't get shafted by punnet squares and recessive traits, look at Trey!) And overall better stamina because twst!humans remained endurance predators.

Let's not bring up the fact that there might be nonhuman traits passed down, Jamil probably has some unknown snake beastmen trait allows him to adapt to poisons (and by proxy Vil because in order to become the Dormleader of Pomefiore you have to make a strong ass poison)

Now I'm not saying Jamil and Vil are poisonous and probably bond over that fact...

But.... the implications are there.

[ererokii]

Sooo... This request thing. You're aweosme 👉👈

Ooh boy it's a long one (changed it a bit)

-Erens so cute when he purrs and when you mention his curiosity and twitching ears ears and gentle touch, so as not to hurt the reader.

-when he kinda is paying attention to, analysing the reader or protecting them its SO cute

-It would maybe end as like cuddles and things and just... Talking. To him and him grunting or just nodding or thinking replies.

-Maybe be at night.

-Maybe it would start with... Eren In human form.

-Maybe he figures out that you don't think his titan form is so ugly but still a little new and scary and that maybe you like it

- Bam if you can somehow NSFW that... Uhmm?

So he... Turns into a titan and then. Some NSFW or just. Maybe he like. Scares or teases the reader on purpose for a reaction?

-And then NSFW somehow if you wanna put that in. Sorry for the way I type I'm kinda doing it as it all appears in my head lol

-I like your cute, and desperate eren, but also attentive and caring. I haven't seen you write a very cheeky or playful titan eren so maybe that would be nice.

I REALLY ENJOYED WRITING THIS ONE. Here you monsterfuckers, take your TITAN SMUT.

WARNINGS: MONSTERFUCKING. Oral (f receiving), mention of voyeurism, overstimulation, dumbification, multiple orgasms, edging, characters are 18+.

If these themes make you uncomfortable or you rather avoid, please block the tag “AOT SMUT” WC: 1.7K

Also thank you to the amazing @galair for this beautiful art🥺 everyone go check her out

Eren stays deep within his thoughts as he hums to himself, staring up at the starry sky. His loose strands tickle the shell of his ear, itching to scratch away at it but refuses. He can’t recall the conversation before the silence. It’s always been on his mind, but he’s been inquisitive as to what you saw him as, even if he knew the answer.

Am I a monster to you? Or am I just like you?

You knew Eren was quite insecure with himself when it came to his titan powers; no matter how many times he asked you that, you always gave him the same answer.

You were never a monster; you’re just a broken human like me. 

For some reason, that has never failed to put a smile on his face. Being able to categorize himself with humans made him feel complete, separate from the monster people used to call him when he discovered the powers. 

But know that he’s aware (once again) of how you feel, does he scare you?

Maybe he could ask you--, but he doesn’t want to ruin the mood at all. Now that he thinks of it, he can’t recollect a moment where you’ve seemed scared to be in his presence, unlike other comrades who look like they’ll leak themselves any moment. 

Without even thinking, he blurts out the question. His eyes widen slightly when he realizes the words slipped past his lips.

“Am I scared of your titan form?” you ask, glancing over at him as you sit up, staring down at him from your position. “I mean, it is always somewhat overwhelming to see something so much bigger than me, and when I sit in your hands but no, besides that, I'm not.”

“Do you think it’s ugly?”

“I don’t,” you say with a smile, legs crisscrossed. “I think it’s unique. You know, just for you. I think it’s quite cute and--” you trail off, glancing over to the side. “--somewhat hot,” you cough in between words, hoping he missed that.

“Hot?” he asks, a hint of smugness evident in his tone.” You think it’s hot?” he leans up on his elbows, a smirk curled at his lips. “Why is that?”

“W-Well, I’m not going to tell you that! That’s too personal.”

“What if I turned right now?”

“Y-You can’t! Captain Levi and Hanji would come to chew you out if you did!”

“Hanji gave me the go-ahead to transform whenever I wanted to, just not to cause destruction,” he gets up with a grunt, backing up a few feet back. By the time he was in position before you could speak, lightning struck the earth, the ground crumbling from the shock. 

You dug your fingers into the ground, lowering your head from the gusts of wind. In no time, it calmed down as you avert your gaze upward, emeralds stare down at you from high above, brown tresses swooshing in the air. 

“You did,” you breathed out, releasing your grip on the dirt. Your hands are unsteady, still trying to compose yourself from the sudden change.

He’s not moving, standing as still as a statue before he drops to his knees, the birds sound asleep in the trees now awake and flying away from the commotion. Your heart feels as if it could burst from the confinements of your chest. 

Your left eye peeks open, cowering within yourself. Your body freezes when you see how close he is. His body is lowered to the ground; knees pushed in like a Sphinx. His eyes glow in the darkness, a new feeling taking over your body. 

His heavy breathing fans over your face, his head cocked to the side as if he was examining your small figure. He finds humor in your expression, nudging your body with his nose.

From the small force added, it caused your body to get pushed back. His ears twitch, the tips sticking upward. He moves forward, doing it once more.

“Eren, quit it,” you huff, sticking your arms out to keep him from doing it again-- which he’ll end up doing too. There’s no doubt that in that nape, he’s having the time of his life. 

He wonders what else he can do like this. He thinks for a minute, noises emitting from his throat. He sticks one of his hands out, shakily raising a finger, and places his hands in between your legs. 

He catches your gaze, his tongue peeking as he leans forward, barely pressing the tip against the bare skin of your neck. The new sensation causes your breath to hitch in the back of your throat, eyeing the pink flesh before gulping lowly.

Eren pulls away, looking at your skirt that happened to ride up your legs. His eyes seem to darken as his mouth closes, teeth grinding against each other. 

“Eren?” you question him as he inches closer, his head lowering slightly to the ground. You’re about to call for him again, but his tongue makes an appearance also, pushing the material up more. Your eyes enlarge, fingers curling around the fabric of your shirt-- to which looks like fear in his eyes. 

A noise of somewhat sadness comes from him, his ears lowering. 

“N-No, it’s okay, Eren,” you stutter, face heating up from his motions. If you were honest, you could feel a small wetness pool in between your legs. 

Before you know it, the tip of his tongue is in between your legs, the muscle lapping over your clothed cunt. Your arms are shaky as you let out a little gasp that sounds so cute to his ears; he can’t help but circle it around your clit. 

A predatory look is in his eyes, looking down like you were his meal. The muscle goes sound, poking at your slicked entrance. Panting, you glance down at the position and pull your panties aside, shivering from the chilly wind and hot breathing in between your legs. 

His jaw slacked; he works wonders on your needy cunt. The texture and saliva are enough to make you sensitive on the spot. Your eyes roll back as you chant his name, his tongue licking stripes up and down your folds, squelching noises occurring from his rapid movement. 

Your legs are shaking from the overwhelming sensation. God, it’s becoming too much, but you can’t stop him, nor if you wanted to. You felt as if you would fall to the depths of the earth but yet stayed in reality. 

The tip flicks at your folds, an incoherent noise getting stuck in the back of your throat when he begins to move it side to side rather than up and down. 

You’re so needy for him at this point. You want him to stuff your tight cunt with his cock, to feel him stretch you out as he fucks you to no end. Having him do this to you was on another level of ecstasy, but you would accept it if this came up again. 

The pressure he puts on your fragile body is enough to send you backward, but the way your heels dig into the ground and his gentle touches prevent that from happening. The slick left in between your thighs trickle down to your ass; the feeling becomes uncomfortable but erotic. 

“Fuck baby,” you whisper, head falling back, staring up at the sky with lidded eyes. “Fuu..p-please don’t stop,” you slur, thoughts clouding with nothing but immense pleasure.

God, what if someone caught you? The adrenaline running through your body wouldn’t even let you care about that. But the thought of someone hearing you moan out pathetically as Eren licks away at your cunt, have you moaning out. 

You wouldn’t be surprised if someone overheard. Eren’s tongue was a gift that meant to be cherished, even if that meant having him do this every day for you to get used to the sticky yet warmth radiating from the muscle.

The inside of your legs trembles, your head spinning in circles, rubbing small lazy circles on your puffy clit, desperate to be touched by his tongue. Your hole was being circled, his tongue barely pressing before retracting; the little shit was teasing you. 

One of his fingers gently places over your leg to keep you from moving so much. His finger alone is enough to make you feel weighed down. 

Your lips are moving, but nothing is coming out; no noise, no words. You’re completely out of it. Your fingers are clenching and unclenching around nothing, barely holding onto whatever it was you were. If someone were to ask you what day it was, you wouldn’t be able to tell the time of day or where you were at. 

“ ‘M gonna cum,” your voice comes out soft yet needy, shifting your hips side to side, bucking your hips to the best of your ability. “I wanna cum on your tongue.”

His eyes flicker, a stripe licked up between your folds before resting on your clit-- a place that desperately needs attention. 

Your delicate body is on the brink of defeat; an orgasm after orgasm washes over your body, and he shows no signs of stopping. You’re practically gushing at this point, your juices running down his jaw. You’ve made many feeble attempts to push him away; a growl would emit from him when you tried to do so. 

Sweat trickles down your face into your clothes, causing the front of your shirt to stick onto your skin—short breaths of air, hiccups erupting from your throat. Your eyes roll back as your body finally gives out, falling backward onto his hand that was keeping you upright. 

As you fall, a purring sound reaches your ears as his tongue finally retracts from your mess cunt, his eyes glancing at your slick sticking to you. His finger rubs the inside of your thigh, gently wiping away the transparent substance. His ears flicker as he listens to your heavy breathing, trying your best to catch the air that was taken away from you. 

He lovingly nuzzles his nose against your patella, his dark tresses tickling your supple skin. After being pushed through multiple orgasms, you weren’t even sure if you could walk or get up from this position. 

But he finally got his answer as to why you thought he was hot. 

Taglist: @trafalgar-temptress @galair @shisoaya @eremiie @bakuhoesworld @sweetdanibear @blueelionn @grabakitcata @erenstellar @onyxoverride @vinishsama @cellarhapsodos @connieswifey @murmikaa (please message me to be added!!)

[mrpenguinpants]

[NSFW] Albedo: Dealing with a brat s/o HCs - GN Reader

Remember when I just said that I think all genshin men are bottoms? I lied because Albedo is the one character where I’m like, yeah you know what? This guy can wreck me. He just hits so different. That smug face he gives you? I’m on my knees already. Lucky, lucky. Holy shit, the - fuck - my brain is going back into bark mode. You know what? Fuck it. Let’s write this.

[Masterlist]

Please see this post on [NSFW]

I will try and write this as gn reader but let me know if I slipped up. 

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[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

I don’t know if people are comfy with NSFW tags but let me know if you would like to be added. This is my first NSFW post so I apologize in advance if it’s garbage. I’m going to go hide as soon as I post this. I’ll see you all tomorrow.

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Warning: Albedo is mean but it’s consensual. Please no minors tyvm.

Tags: Dry humping, uncaring Albedo that suddenly turns feral, exhibition, sadist Albedo, crying, minor name-calling, rough oral/sex, boot grinding, overstimulation, unprotected sex [lmk if I missed anything].

[NSFW] Albedo: Dealing with a brat s/o HCs - GN Reader

Albedo is indifferent to your desires, he has almost no care for pleasure, so he spends most of his time and energy on his work. While it saddens you that you’re his second priority during the weeks he get’s interested in something, that doesn’t deter you from your own lust. But it’s so embarrassing trying to rile him up, only to have him just gives you a blank stare and tells you to go and leave him alone. He’ll deal with you later. But if you bother him enough, he’ll sit you on his lap and look at you expectantly. Leaning back in his chair and gesturing for you to go on. If you’re too much of a horny puppy that craves his attention then go. You have his leg so be quiet and let him work.

He doesn’t even bother to lock the door so Sucrose will more often then not accidently walks in during your intimate moments. She’s always so embarrassed and stutters as she tries to cover her eyes with her hands as you attempt to have some modesty but Albedo will grind his knee back into you and force you to continue. You wanted this so finish. The rough texture of his boots scraps against you that you have to bite your lip raw from embarrassing you and Sucrose further. He appears so bored as he moves your hips for you as he asks for Sucrose’s report. You’re desperately trying to contain your whimpers to try and save your reputation with the quiet alchemist but the humiliation and the grip Albedo has on your hips, to the point of bruises, is too much for you. You bury your face into his neck to muffle your moans as you climax all over his leg and ruin his pants. While you’re still panting and recovering from your high, Albedo is reading his assistant’s report before dismissing Sucrose. Much to her happiness as she scurries away red-faced.

When he does feel like putting in the bare minimum amount of effort, it doesn’t matter to him if you cum or not. He’ll usually try and satisfy you since he’ll get annoyed if you start crying and begging like a baby. Even when you’re whining under him, he has the most unemotional face even if he’s absolutely wrecking you. He almost looks annoyed and his eyes start to wander to his papers and his focus shifts to them. It both hurts you deeply but makes you feel so hot inside when he’s pounding into you while his mind is in a separate universe of alchemist notes.

Above all, Albedo is mean. Hard and simple. He might have a big patience for his work but when it comes to people, especially a brat like you that won’t leave him alone, if you happen to fuck up he’ll take it out on you. Whether you cum or not isn’t his problem anymore and he’ll leave you crying once he’s done. He does get a small piece of sick pleasure out of seeing your tears fall down as you beg for him to help you but he adjusts his glove, give you a sweet pet to behave puppy, and leaves you.

While Albedo is mean, but he’s never intentionally rough. He’s simply too lazy to act that way. Unless you absolutely piss him off. When his thread is really running thin and you pick today of all days to be such a brat that won’t shut up with your incessant whining that he pushes you down on your knees, pry’s your mouth open, and tells you to stick your tongue out. Not to move an inch or else he’s leaving you by yourself again for the next week. He pets your head and smiles gently which leads you into a sweet sense of comfort before he’s yanking your head forward to take his entire cock. Even when you’re gagging and crying, clawing at his boots to try and find purchase, he just forces you down further.

There’s something feral in the look he gives you that has you shaken but it absolutely burns you from the inside. You try to subtly reach to try and relieve the constricting feeling of your clothes but Albedo kicks your hand away. There’s a smug grin on his face as he stares down at your disappointed yet love-stricken eyes. Full of affection that it both disgusts him and brings him some sort of sick joy. He nudges your thighs apart as he places his boot right between your legs and waits. If you want to get off then you’ll have to do all the work. You’re sniffling in shame but with the heavy press of his cock on your tongue, the heady eyes that Albedo gives you, it’s starting to cloud your mind as you start grinding on his boot.

It’s only after a few thrusts before Albedo grows bored and yanks your mouth off. Your tongue is still out with a string of saliva connecting it to his cock which makes you lean forward and like the remaining spit off, looking up at him with your half-lidded eyes, that he curses under his breath and kicks you in the chest to make you lie down. You huff out a laugh under his boot as you lick your lips and stick your tongue out at Albedo. You can see it as something primal in him surfaces as he reaches over and grabs your tongue, shoves his fingers into the back of your throat, before ripping your pants apart and slamming his fingers into your hole. You’re gasping as he does the bare minimum prep before he’s fiddling with his own belt. Albedo clicks his tongue disapprovingly when you try and buck your hips back on his fingers before he lines himself with your hole and thrust's all the way in.

You’re crying and squirming away when he forces himself in too quickly, the stretch is burning but it feels so good. The hazy feeling starts to overtake your mind as the pain turns into pleasure but it’s too much. You’re going to break if he keeps fucking you this way. Even as you try and run away, Albedo just grips your wrists and pulls you back on him. You were so invested in bothering him and now you want to run away? You’re gasping as tears cling to your eyelashes as you squeeze around him as your tongue lolls out. You really are panting like a puppy now, Albedo amuses. He gives you a small moment to get your bearings before he goes feral. It’s the one moment where he feels alive. That he want’s to absolutely destroy you. As he pounds your sweet spot your entire body is going into overdrive, desperately clawing your fingers into the ground as you try and find purchase on his brutal assault.

You’re pretty sure you’re drooling all over his floor at this point but you can’t bring yourself to care when you’re buzzing in bliss. Albedo almost smiles cruelly when he’s watching you cry and orgasm at the same time, even when you’re mid-orgasm, he just keeps going. It’s only when you hear him growl as he sinks his nails into your skin to add to the bruises already there do you feel his seed spill into you. You’re hiccupping through your thank you’s as he slowly pulls out and watches his cum slip out of your hole. It stirs something deep inside him that he doesn’t like and uses his fingers to push it back in forcefully even has you whimper at how sensitive you are.

Albedo laughs under his breath at the dumb look you have on but he quickly catches himself. He breaths a sigh as he relaxes his body and runs his hand over the small bump on your stomach from his cum. Feels the violent twitches in your body as you try and reach for him in some sort of pitiful attempt in comfort but he simply pushes himself off and fixes his clothing until he looks presentable.

When he asks if you’ve had enough you grin smugly back, your lips bitten raw and red, and bark. He adores you.

[gloomiebearwritings]

hello!! just found your account and really happy to see that you write for suda games! is shigeki birkin one of the characters your write for? if so, have any relationship hcs for him? sfw or nsfw are fine! hope youre having a good day!!

+_+ Shigeki Birkin!! I'm absolutely down to write for him!! Thank you so much, anon! Hope this is to your liking!! ❤❤❤(✿◠‿◠)

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SFW

Big teddy bear when the two of you are alone- he loves being able to hold you real close and keep you safe

Not super used to having someone around so much, often times being found just aimlessly admiring your daily routines

The littlest things you do bring him joy, sitting next to him on the porch, on the couch, anywhere- your silent company meaning more to him than anything

He goes out of his way to get better: cutting down on his drinking, cutting back on his jobs to have more time with you

He’s a little clumsy on gifts, but it’s his effort that matters

He can come off as aloof in the beginning, distant almost- but deep down he does care, he’s just anxious about finding love again. It felt nice though, to have someone else in his life again- especially it being someone he can be intimate with, even if it took him quite some time to be accepting of intimacy again. 

When you’d hold his face gently when he’d be sitting on the edge of the bed and you’d kiss his forehead, it made him realize just how happy he really was with you. 

The first time he ever let you take his mask off his heart was in this throat, trying to swallow his pride so he could be closer to you. Truth be told he was afraid his scarring would make you turn away, afraid he wouldn’t be what you wanted- even though you had been by his side unconditionally thus far. When your lips pressed gently against the scars he couldn’t help but swallow hard, a cold shiver running down his neck.

“Darlin’...” he whispered softly, bringing his hands up to yours that still had his mask, “Ya don’t mind ‘em?” which earned him a small chuckle from you. Hearing from you that you didn’t find anything shameful about him made him melt into you, pressing his scarred face against your shoulder. “Mmm… maybe a few more kisses, darlin’?”

NSFW

It takes some time for him to warm up to you enough to be intimate- though the first night you two share together in an intimate way is something he could never forget

He’s untrimmed but quite clean despite the beaten-up clothing he has, along with several scars on his stomach and hips from blades

His weakness is his scars being kissed or traced while being ridden or given oral

His cock is about a solid 6.3inch/16cm and on the more girthy side- the tip being his most sensitive spot

Stimulating his tip while he’s blindfolded is the best way to turn him into a whining, writhing mess begging for more from you

He’s not the most vocal, but the second your fingers ghosted the scars along his lower stomach as you took him deeper into your mouth, he let out a long, deep groan. His hips bucked upwards ever so slightly as he bit back more noises, “Darlin’ please…” he whispered, letting out another strained moan as his coil tightened.

His hair was clinging to his forehead, his eyes heavy lidded and glued to yours, watching them roll back when you’d take all of him. The closer to climax you got him the more desperate he sounded, sweetly begging you to go faster only for you to stay the same, just tracing a newer scar- this pushed him over the edge, a meek calling of your name escaped him as his thighs twitched under your arms and his stomach quivered.

[anastasiaskarsgard]

A/n;So someone asked for smut for the perfect girl that decides she’s gonna have some fun before she dies. I’m A bit rusty. TW: sex, cursing, choking, 18+ NSFW

If you wanna read the first part it’s called perfect problem and is the last thing I wrote on here and posted...

“So where are we going?” Bethany asked as they got into some ridiculously expensive sports car. Adjusting her clothing and hair, she glanced over at Roman to find him just watching her.

Smirking his signature smirk, he turned the car on and raced out of the parking lot like he has stolen the car. “It’s a surprise.” Roman said, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

“Eyes on the road Speed Racer! Ok well at least tell me what we are going to go do.” She whined.

“Nope. No can do princess. You’re just going to have to have a little faith.” He grinned.

“Your reputation doesn’t exactly inspire trust. No offense.” She felt bad as soon as she looked over. He looked almost sad. “I’m just giving you a hard time. I’m not serious.” She lied.

“I thought you were supposed to be smart...”

“Oh ho ho! Someone bounces back quick.”she jibed as she turned to look out the window. She wasn’t exactly familiar with the area so she wasn’t sure what she was looking for. There was trees, and then some houses, and then businesses so there’s no way to tell if they were going somewhere Residential or commercial.

Grabbing her phone to send out some emails, she wasn’t paying attention when she noticed the car had stopped. Looking up from her phone she made an incredulous face at Roman when she noticed that they were in front of a large mansion.

“Really?” She quipped.

“Hey Before you jump to conclusions, I’m just coming here to get into some more comfortable clothes. I can’t exactly have fun in a suit, now can I?” He got out of the car and walked around it to open her door. “You can look around or grab a drink or whatever you like while I change.”

Stepping out of The car, Bethany followed roman inside his home. “ not even gonna try that old give me a tour excuse?”

Scoffing, he shook his head no, and made a crossing motion over his heart. “Scouts honor.”

“What if that’s exactly what I wanted to do?” She breathed out as she made her best attempt at sexy. Licking her lips, and winking, she nearly cried out when all of a sudden he was only inches away from her. “You’re very fast. I hope that’s not true for everything though.”

Smirking, he lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Pulling back to look at his face, she bit her bottom lip thoughtfully, as he walked them up to his room. Seeing the insecurity creeping in, He kept an eye open to watch where he was going but smashed his mouth back into hers, in a passionate, breathtaking kiss. Completely losing herself, she was startled when he dropped her on the bed and crawled over her body, pressing himself into her, making his intentions clear.

Sitting up as he straddled her waist, he ripped his shirt off, sending buttons flying, before aggressively attacking her mouth once more. Her nails dug into his bare back and he groaned into her mouth, before kissing down her neck and onto her chest.

Abruptly, he jumped off her and stood over her a moment longer than she assumed it took to take off his pants, so she lifted her head, cocking a brow at him curiously.

“Dress off.” He ordered, his smile fading.

Smiling a Cheshire grin, she shook her head no and looked up at the ceiling. Not letting curiosity get the best of her, she refused to look at him when he huffed impatiently. Even when he had stormed out of the room, and returned a few minutes later, looming over her, she refused to award his bratty behavior.

“Please take your dress off.” He finally bit out.

For a moment She pondered denying him-- and in turn denying herself. But the fact remained, she wanted him, whether contrived or genuine, She did. And She was done not doing what She wanted.

“Stand up.” His voice shocked her out of her head and She found herself standing at the side of the bed. “Good girl.” He purred, his hand brushing her back as he walked behind her and She shivered, as she turned her head to look at him. “Head forward.”

She did so, waiting for him to come back into view and see how far he’d take this little game. When she heard the bed sheets move, she fought the urge to turn around until She felt his fingers on her back, drawing letters or shapes; she wasn’t sure. Roman hummed quietly, lulling her into a peaceful calm, when suddenly he pulled her back into him. He was sitting on the bed, his long legs slightly spread and he spun her around, and placed her straddling over his one naked leg. Somewhere, somehow He’d removed his pants.

Gently he traced up her chest and wrapped one hand in her hair, pulling her forward so he could kiss her neck. Surprisingly, he bit her ... hard. Instead of pain, her senses exploded, causing her to moan wantonly, as she ground her core against his bare thigh.

When his other hand slid down her stomach, She Was almost embarrassed by how wet she had become.

“Stay still…” He said playfully in her ear as he slipped his fingers past the lace covering his goal. Plunging them within her, coating his fingers with her wetness, He gazed into her eyes lustily, as he Brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked them clean. “So ready for me.”

She nodded dumbly, lost in the sinful way his tongue worked around his fingers. Biting her lip, she must of looked pitiful, because Roman dropped character a moment to chuckle and move a piece of hair behind her ear affectionately. Almost lovingly.

Unfortunately she was way too far gone to contemplate what these gestures might mean. She wanted to fuck and she wanted those fingers to go back down there, but this was Roman Godfrey. The man Was unpredictable at best, and uncooperative the rest of the time.

Roman was a predator, and predators like to chase. As much as she wanted to just throw herself at him and demand to fuck her into oblivion, she Still had enough pride to play the game.

“I knew I was right.” He growled, Standing, releasing her hair, so he could wrap his hand around her throat. She grinned, not really caring what he meant. “Now, Im going to fuck you. I’m not going to be gentle, but I’m going to make sure you come so hard that you forget your fucking name.” He smirked cockily, still holding her by the throat. “I can see it in your eyes, that you’re a fucking freak under all that polite perfection. You’ve never fucked up or disappointed anyone ever. You’re loved and respected. Americas sweetheart.... I wonder what they’d all say if they saw you right now, ready to be my little fuck doll, cuz that’s exactly what you are.” Two of his fingers dragged across her cheek, Forcing their way in her mouth. She could taste herself on him and it made her nearly mad with need. She’d never been this turned on in her life. “You have the most perfect lips.” He said as he examined the way they wrapped around his fingers, “I’m going to put so many things in your mouth.”

She sucked briefly, before humming around his digits, lightly biting them. Swiftly, he removed them for a moment, before getting a mischievous look on his face and shoving them in as deep as he could, choking her slightly. Slightly panicked, she reached for his hand, but he just tsked and Tightened his grip on her throat, before ripping his fingers out of her mouth and plunging his tongue in their place.

She really needed to breathe, but eventhough she could feel her limbs growing weak, She didn’t fight him. Completely surrendering to the most arousing experience in her life.

“That’s why I’m going to keep you.” Before She could comment or recover, he removed her dress and threw her down on the bed, standing over her a moment to look her over.

He yanked her underwear down and dove two fingers into her roughly, making her arch her back. His expert fingers were moving faster and faster, getting her closer and closer to the edge of orgasm. It’d been a long time since a man made her orgasm, and she was certain, she’d never come close to this intensity. He reached down and pulled her up by the back of her neck, holding her against him like a rag doll, as he brought her closer. , his thumb brushed over her clit and She opened her mouth, trying not to scream. Her limbs started to shake, as her pelvis started thrusting into his hand, flailing about as Her vision began to blur. She closed her eyes tight, ready for the climax.

“Look at me. Look at who is making you feel this way,” he said seductively.

She breathed, looking into his gorgeous green eyes, as He quickened his pace again and added a third finger, making her buck, as she grabbed his rock hard erection, causing him to hiss, and roll on top of her.

“Patience.” He teased, pushing her legs apart. She looked in between his to see his cock standing hard and long against his stomach, a new need screamed within her, demanding him inside her right fucking now.

“What do you want?” He asked innocently, three fingers diving into her again. She closed her eyes from all the sensations, trying to get control, but she was past the point of pride now.

“Please--” She gasped. “Please.”

“Please what?” He pressed down on her clit and She wanted to kill him, but first had to fuck him. His other hand came down and pinched her nipple, twisting it and making her cry out.

“Fuck!” She screamed as he did the same to the other. “Fuck! Fuck me Roman! Fucking fuck me now or I’m going to kill you!”

He didn’t need to be told twice and She felt the large head of his cock against her entrance, before he just forced it inside her with one powerful thrust.

He was big and it took her body a moment to adjust to him, the burn slowly fading as he gave her a moment to breathe and relax herself to accommodate by far the largest cock she’d ever seen, let alone was inside of her.

Somehow it felt divine when he began to move again, and she moaned loudly, his body pressing down into her as he started to move his hips back and forth. She could feel him driving into her with solid, sure strokes as She clenched around him. His lips crashed into hers again as he pushed his hand under her ass and pulled her hips up, sitting back so he could move at a quicker pace. Setting her nerves on fire. Every inch of her body sang in extreme pleasure. His thrusts massaged her inner walls, the tension roaring through her, as he bottomed out and touched a place she’d never felt before, but the intensity made her screech.

She could feel the tell tale signs of an orgasm swelling through her but She held it back, making it feel sweeter and richer with each passing moment. His fingers dug into hips hard enough to break her bones as he closed his eyes, focusing on his own pleasure. His pace turned more erratic and She gripped him around his torso, desperately trying to hang on so they could both orgasm at the same time. Pulling him down and attempting to hide her face in his throat, he stopped and leaned back looking at her beautiful flushed face.

“Ah--ah-- ah--” He held still. “Look at me.”

She did, letting herself melt into his gaze as he started again, harder and faster than before. Noises came from her, she didn’t know She could make and his hand wrapped around her throat, squeezing possessively. Each thrust sent shockwaves through her until She was right back to nearly cumming.

“Please--” It took effort to speak through his grip, but She was so close, she didn’t care if she had to beg. “Please, I’m so close--”

“Tell me how badly you want it.” He ordered, his own breath ragged.

“I need it-- please! Please, Roman!” She screamed like a desperate, shameless whore, before she exploded, tightening around him as his grip turned to a vice around her neck and somehow the lack of oxygen intensified the sensory overload to a new height. She drowned in the relentless, all encompassing sensations, that lasted far longer than She thought possible-- causing herself to completely release control for the first time in her life.

As the shocks rocked through her, she felt him stiffen and press into her as deep as possible, spending himself inside her. She couldn’t help but trip out a little about being so full of him. She’d never allowed anyone to finish inside her before.

“You really are good at everything,” he said playfully, as he rubbed his nose along hers, and held her a moment, before pulling out, and flopping down beside her. Brushing his fingers along her tight stomach, and full breasts, he decided she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

His mother was going to fucking hate her...

Perfect.

[babyboibucky]

Deserve Better

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky disappeared and came back only to say goodbye.

Word Count: 2,887

Warnings: angsty angsty angsty angsty angsty

A/N: Post-endgame timeline with lotsa angst! Included Andy Barber here because why the fuck not but he’s really not a major character lol

Deserve Better || Undeserving || Deserve The Best

MAIN MASTERLIST

-

The day you got Bucky back was the same day he said goodbye. He left you— said it was for the best— just as when your fingertips touched him for the first time after five years of longing.

Your reunion with Bucky after the snap was nothing like the movies, far from it actually. A lot of things happened when he was snapped back, in between the battle with Thanos and Tony’s funeral. Besides, you weren’t an Avenger; you didn’t work for SHIELD nor the CIA. In fact, you remained oblivious of the battle that was going on until the moment of chaos caused by the sudden reappearances of half of the world’s population.

And then you received a message from Steve, about the tragedy and the sacrifice of Tony Stark. He was inviting you to the funeral and as much as you felt devastated from the loss of a hero, you couldn’t help but focus your attention on the last line of Steve’s message.

Bucky’s going to be there too. He’s back. He needs you to be there with him.

It wasn’t until the funeral was over that you finally got to have Bucky all to yourself. You had locked gazes when you arrived and staring back into his beautiful blue eyes again made your knees weak.

Bucky was really back.

“Hi.” He greeted you first, his voice remained the same— soft and gentle.

One word was enough to make you feel the warmth of his existence. Hearing him, seeing him again felt like finally coming home after a very long, tiring day.

“Hi, Buck.” You whispered.

Bucky’s smile was all it took for the dam to finally break. You’d burst into tears right then and there and you were more than ready to feel his arms around you after years of hugging yourself to sleep during his absence.

But the warmth never came. If any, Bucky stopped himself from doing so. You frowned when he took a step back from you, extending his metal arm to keep you at a certain length away from him.

“I’m sorry.” He uttered, refusing to meet your gaze.

“What do you mean?”

“I have to go.” He explained, gently squeezing your arm before rubbing circles on your skin using his thumb.

You didn’t understand why Bucky needed to go when he just got back. You just got him back. You had spent years crying over his disappearance only for him to come back and disappear again?

Bucky explained that he thought he got better but things have become so vastly different after the snap that it left him feeling broken and different again. He told you about Steve’s decision to go back in time, never to return again. How Tony’s death made him feel like it was too late to set things straight and how he would probably carry the guilt and regret from not being able to apologize for what he had done.

“I’ll help you, Buck. We’ll work through this together. I want to be by your side when things get better.” You insisted, tears blurring your vision as you tried to reach for Bucky, wanting to feel him again after such a long time.

But Bucky kept on moving away from you, he kept on pushing you away and you wanted to understand why he wouldn’t let you touch him.

“I’ll only hurt you, I don’t want that to happen. I want to get better because you deserve better. But I can’t do that with you because this...this is something that I gotta figure out by myself.” He further explained.

You shook your head, unable to accept his decision. “Buck...I don’t think I can lose you again. I just got you back...I can’t afford to lose you again, please?”

When you attempted to reach for Bucky’s hand, he finally let you. You quickly entwined your fingers through his metal ones and savored how they felt against your skin. They were cold as usual, but Bucky always oozed a certain warmth that made you feel safe.

But now they’re just that— cold and hard.

“I love you. I’ll wait, Bucky.” You murmured and tugged at his hand before he could even let you go.

Bucky smiled sadly at you, “You don’t have to, doll.”

You shook your head and brought Bucky’s hand to your lips as you cried, “I want to. And I will.”

Pressing one final kiss on his hard knuckles, you watched Bucky slip his hand away from yours before turning around to leave. You felt your chest tighten as if you lost all the oxygen in your lungs the same way you lost Bucky.

Losing him the second time around proved to be even more painful. Because this time, he didn’t just disappear.

He walked away.

-

You waited for Bucky to come home to you for days and weeks until they turned into months...and then years. Still, no Bucky walked through your doorstep but you never stopped hoping.

Sleep was such a rare occurrence to you since Bucky walked away. How do you honestly cope with the loss of someone when you haven’t even healed yet from his first disappearance? You wanted to get mad at him, curse him for suddenly deciding to leave you. But you felt selfish for even thinking about that, because Bucky left to better himself.

To be better for you. He said so himself.

So you kept waiting for him to come back. You made it your reason to keep going. You looked forward to the day you’d hear your door open followed by his heavy foot steps. You wondered, would he smell the same then? Would he still be using your favorite perfume on him? One that smelled like cedar wood and mint and well, Bucky. Would his hair still be of the same length? What about his beard? Would he shave them off before coming back home?

How about his gaze? Would his blue ones still look at you as if you were his moon?

As much as these thoughts made you miss him more, they were the ones that you held onto. They were like your glimmer of hope on nights you were the loneliest, on nights you cried and dreamt of his return only to wake up to an empty, cold space beside you.

You held onto these thoughts every single day in hopes of them becoming real soon enough.

People have told you to move on, to not waste your time waiting for someone who walked away just like that. But you trusted Bucky when he said he wanted to be better because you deserved better. You couldn’t move on, not from Bucky.

You love him with your entire being, so much that his absence caused you physical pain too. You couldn’t even find the right words to describe how much you love Bucky.

In the three years that you spent waiting, you’d met a lot of people too. People who showed interest but none of them really won you over.

You’d met a man named Andy through work. He was a lawyer and was dealing with his own divorce. The connection was there and you wouldn’t deny that.

Two people dealing with the grief from losing someone they love, it wasn’t that hard not to find a common ground. And you did find some solace in Andy and him in you. But it was just that, nothing more and nothing less.

“How has it been?” You asked Andy after he had settled into the booth across of you.

The restaurant was surprisingly scarce on a Sunday morning. Usually there were plenty of customers, their chatters overpowering the soft music playing in the background. Now, it was peaceful and the radio was turned off. There were only the clinks of plates of being set on tables and the footsteps of the staff walking around the place as they attended to the few customers around.

It was serene and peaceful, pretty much like Andy’s aura when he arrived.

“I wouldn’t say I’m fine but I guess I’m at a much better place now than before.” He said with a nod, as if he was finally agreeing with himself after questioning his emotions for the past few months.

You offered a kind smile and placed a hand on top of his, “It shows, Andy. I’m glad. I’m happy for you.” You said.

He had been going through a lot of emotions since he signed the divorce papers. He didn’t want to but knew it was for the best. Andy had a son, Jacob, and he didn’t want for his son to grow up in an environment where his parents no longer slept on the same bed. As much as he loved Laurie, the relationship was no longer working and was becoming toxic the more they stayed together.

“And you?” Andy asked back before calling the waiter.

You let out a deep breath, “Still waiting.” You chuckled as your stared at your hand that remained on top of Andy’s.

Andy spared you an apologetic glance but nodded, “I do hope he knows how lucky he is.” He said, turning his palm up so he could hold your hand.

To others, the gesture may seem romantic but it really wasn’t. You and Andy both knew that despite the similarities and the comfort you found in each other, the both of you were not meant to be together in that way.

Your heart still belonged to Bucky after all.

-

When you received an invitation from Sam Wilson, you felt confused and excited. There was going to be a huge gala at the compound to honor Steve Rogers’ legacy as Captain America.

You’d heard the news about Steve’s passing not long after he went back in time. He finally got to live the life he deserved and when he came back, it was as if everything had been corrected. He may no longer be the super soldier that many knew but he remained the same person— but he wasn’t the man out of time anymore. Despite his white hair and wrinkles, Steve looked the happiest he had ever been.

You wondered how Bucky coped up with such a huge loss, you always worried for him.

It sparked debate though, Steve’s decision to leave the Avengers. Some got angry, said that Steve was selfish for doing that. Others showed sympathy, that Steve didn’t owe the world anything. He’d spent a lifetime fighting for everyone. It was time that he fought for himself and what he deserved. And Sam fought just as hard for Steve’s legacy and finally, all his hard work finally paid off.

What confused you was whether Bucky was going to be there? Does he know about the gala? Was he finally back? If he was, why hasn’t he come home to you yet? You had so many questions that you wanted to ask.

The answers though, were literally in the palm of your hand— the invitation.

-

It was no surprise how big the gala was. Just on your way inside, you’d already come across a lot of big personalities. There were politicians and popular celebrities too. You felt intimidated given that you went by yourself and that you weren’t really part of their world.

You were just you, someone who had fallen in love with one Bucky Barnes who introduced you to the world of superheroes. The rest was history.

“I’m so glad you’re here!” You turned around and found Sam approaching you with a huge smile.

You embraced him and smiled as you pulled away, “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” You told him.

It was Steve and Sam that you’d met first and they were nothing but kind to you. Despite being well, ordinary, they welcomed you like their own when Bucky had introduced you.

Sam’s expression changed at your response, “I honestly thought that you wouldn’t show up after Bucky said—“

“Bucky?” You immediately cut him off upon hearing his name.

“Bucky’s back?” You asked and Sam had never looked more confused as ever.

He carefully nodded, brows knitting together as he frantically looked around. “I thought you knew about it.”

“How long? How long has it been since he came back, Sam?” You probed, feeling your throat constricting at the unexpected revelation.

Sam merely looked at you with what seemed to be pity. Why? Why was he looking at you like he was sorry? And why didn’t Bucky tell you when he came back? Was he simply not ready? Or was he waiting for the right time?

“Sam, how long?” You asked again, voice firmer this time around.

“A year ago. He decided to join the Avengers but wanted to undergo formal training before taking on the responsibility of one.” He responded.

You opened your mouth to say something but it’s as if your whole body was paralyzed. He had been back for an entire year now...and yet he kept you waiting?

A hand on your arm pulled you back to the surface, looking up at Sam you shook your head in utter confusion.

“I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me.”

Sam sighed, “I thought you knew. He said he saw you and—“

Sam’s words died on his tongue when he saw that your attention was no longer on him. Following the line of your sight, Sam turned around and saw that Bucky had walked into the venue. He swallowed and couldn’t hide the guilt he felt from assuming that you knew about his return. Before he could apologize, you’d brushed past him as you kept your gaze on Bucky.

Why he didn’t inform you of his return was beyond you and to be honest, you couldn’t bring yourself to care about it for now. Because Bucky was right in front of you and it felt like forever since you last saw him.

A lot has changed. He chopped off his hair but he still sported some scruff. Bucky looked closer to his younger self back in the 40’s. You remembered the conversation you had with him about cutting his hair.

“Should I cut it?” Bucky stood in your bathroom, observing his long locks in the mirror as he ran his fingers through them.

You walked over to him, hugging him from behind and pressing your lips on his back before moving to stand beside him.

“Do you want to?” you asked.

Bucky scrunched his nose, “Maybe in the future. I do miss my hair back then.” he smiled.

You chuckled, “Back when Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes used to sweep the ladies off of their feet?” you teased.

Bucky turned to you and wrapped an arm around your wait pulling you closer to kiss your lips, “Hmm, I wanna see if that hair will have the same effect on you.” he said and kissed your cheek.

You hummed as you caressed his face with your delicate hands, “I’d like to see that too, but maybe you should keep the scruff.”

But it wasn’t just his hair that changed. It was his entire demeanor— his aura seemed a lot lighter now, he seemed happier and confident. You knew it for a fact because he wasn’t wearing a glove to hide his metal hand. It was out on display for everyone to see and shake, apparently.

You watched in awe as Bucky interacted with the people around him. He used to avoid eye contact with strangers but now he seemed relaxed doing so. Although he would still open and close his metal hand, something he did whenever he was anxious. The crowd still made him uncomfortable but he’s shown a lot of improvement since then.

The question as to why he never told you about his return continued to linger in the back of your head. But you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling from ear to ear, eyes brimming with tears as you quickened your steps.

Your Bucky was finally back.

And then the world seemed to have stopped when a certain blonde walked over to Bucky, her hand sliding over to his cheek as she leaned up to press a quick peck on his lips.

You knew her of course, Sharon Carter; and you knew about her and Steve. It was Bucky himself who told you about them and how proud he was that Steve finally decided to try his luck at romance. Which is why you felt even more appalled at the scene playing before you.

The way Bucky slid an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him and how he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. How he was smiling down at her, whispering to her ear as they laughed.

Bucky was in love with Sharon. You didn’t have to ask him that anymore because he was looking at her like she was his moon, his source of light in the darkness.

You knew that because he looked at you the same way, back when you still had his heart.

Suddenly, the questions plaguing your mind found their answers. You understood now why he never came home to you.

He did get better, you could tell that by the way he smiled and laughed.

Bucky was better now, but not for you. At least, not anymore.

-

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