#or that there isnt anyone who truly loves me

[paintedpineleaf]

i keep everything that people give me, cards and letters and stuff like that and we're moving rn so i had to clear some stuff out and obv i keep this shit hidden cause i dont want my parents to see and read them.

i have two cards from a girl i had a crush on in seventh grade, one of the cards is for my 14th (8th grade) birthday, the other one doesn't say the date but its a birthday card as well.

and holy fuck does the 14th bday card have effort put into it its kind of insane. she drew and colored in emojis at the end of some sentences; sparkles, crying laughing, smiling and heart emojies. ages 11-14 was when i was really depressed and contemplated the logistics of suicide every day, the only reason i didnt do it was cause i was a firm believer in Islam and thought i'd go to hell forever if i did it.

the card talks about that a lot as well, before she says anything, she says "whatever i'm about to say aren't lies. they are true af" then goes on to say that she loves me, no matter how much i call myself stupid, she'll always love me for who i am. says i'm a really good friend and she appreciates me, and that she'll always be there for me, and she'd love to keep me company.

it's a handmade card and the cover has a gift box opening with multi colored confetti coming out of it, all that she must've drawn and colored. i'm kind of losing my mind she put so much effort and time and thought into this its insane. the gift box has a ribbon that wraps around it and makes loops at the top, the classic way. this is genuinely such a cool card, she was 15 when she made this. i remember cause she was 2 years older than me, i remember her burthday every year even if it wasn't in my calender (i've never deleted anyone's birthday).

i have cards from younger cousins declaring their love for me and how excited they are to have me there. i have a card also for my 14th birthday from someone i didnt think i was that close to, but she knew i liked harry potter and she made a harry potter themed card for me, in the style of a hogwarts letter, with illustrations of symbols (snitch, scar, broom, cauldron, witch hat, flying key, 9 3/4, wand, and quidditch hoops), she drew the fucking hogwarts crest inside the letter (separate), wrote out the fonts. she wrote out each letter in idk what font, there's three separate fonts on the page and one of them is cursive that looks very painstakingly done.

idk maybe this is my love language or whatever but i'm about to cry at the amount of love and effort put into these cards and letters. i was so loved, my friends loved me so fucking much. they drew illustrations on pages and colored them in and told me not to worry about them and that they loved me.

when i was 12-14, i was very obviously depressed and wrote a lot about suicide and couldnt keep it inside me. i kept a diary that i'd let the first girl read. i'd actually kind of insist on her reading it which is very embarrassing to look back on.

i did appreciate these letters back then as well, almost as much as i am rn, but,,,, idk man. i know this is why i kept these letters. i'm not in contact with either of these people anymore, and i don't think i want to be.

i feel so strange im pretty sure its cause i need to sleep.

i took out these letters/cards cause they were hidden in the same place where i keep the letters that i wrote to my future self when i was 12, which, since we're moving, i needed to figure out a place to hide (my suitcase with a lock) while we move so nobody sees them accidentally when they move the furniture or something. i was going to burn them (not actually, i just rip it sometimes, wet it then crumple it into a ball, makes it unreadable and that's the goal) but lmfaoo i dont think im going to anymore.

i dont currently intend on ever throwing away those cards which makes me wonder how long i'll actually keep the "welcome" cards i got from my cousins and birthday cards i got for my 14th birthday. i dont have any cards after that for any birthdays cause i dont have any irl friends anymore, they're all in different countries and online).

i also have drawings that a younger cousin did for me some years back, her art's so fucking good now, and these are still quite good considering her age. i was really into harry potter at that age and one of the drawing is hp themed, it's just of all the characters.

i really like taylor swift now, and last year this cousin did a drawing of her for me as well which i've pinned on my board lol.

[youmakethelight]

I need scenes where Daryl explicitly shows that he loves Carol for all of who she is as a human. I know we know it, even though that feeling has been fading since the spin-off and even in parts of season 11. But I reallyyy need at least one scene where Daryl catches Carol doing something distinctly Carol and looks at her for a *prolonged* time with unambiguous love all over his face. And then he actively shows and tells her. Like the scenes where Aaron and Rosita see Carol putting herself through pain to kill the horse to feed Alexandria. I need to know that Daryl sees that in her. And I need to see him radiate intense love in her direction because she fucking needs it.

[bunnihearted]

i cant fully control my emotions during a breakdown and then i come out of it and im like oh fuck........ ._.

[toxifoxx]

fighting the urge to make a rant post . but once you notice you really never stop noticing!!

[buckboi]

.

[storm-of-feathers]

damn why did i stop being an alcoholic being drunk rules actually i dont feel a single OUNCE of my burdens. i just feel the wine. and its pink.

[sideblogformentalhealtshit]

Hm. So am I the only one who 'likes' having ARFID?

Like don't get me wrong it's horrible it's caused so much damage to me but also like. I've had it my whole life I can't imagine a version of myself without it and I wouldn't want to not have it.

It's as big and fundamental a part of me as my autism. Sure there's bad parts but it's what makes me me, and without it I would cease to be me and become a whole nother person.

I've always found it a 'fun' part of me, a unique thing I was completely alone in most of my life, something that made me different in a funky way.

[bushido-jack]

//my favorite thing lately has been scrubbing the internet for decades old samurai jack edits and amvs and watching them. there’s so much love for samurai jack in them, faith that he would be back to finish his tale one day, and it fits perfectly with the time it came out lol. the edits aren’t as great as they would be with technology nowadays and the music is often linkin park but there’s always an open love for Jack and the series in there. and there’s something about seeing people love Jack even when it’s not at it’s most angsty, when it’s just seasons 1-4, without the novelty, without anything else to focus on but what makes Jack Jack.

[landofgay]

I love you THC I love you CBD I love you CBN I love you CBG I love you CBC I love you all the other minor cannabinoids. I love you cannabis. :^)

[bunnihearted]

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹

[medicasino]

i'm seriously tired of this like,,, constant feeling of never really feeling important to anyone. and it's like, it's 100% on me, it is 100% my fault i feel this way but,,, eugh

[quarterprioritymidnight]

yeah I mean he probably isn’t bothered and does expect it but it’s kinda annoying that it’s expected in the first place I guess. I know that’s the celebrity way but honestly the way some people act around famous people sometimes is so weird to me (just speaking in general, not calling those girls out or anything it seemed pretty chill and nbd but yeah)

yeah I get what you mean. I mean I'm gonna be honest I can't imagine dan from bastille gets stopped a ton lol.

idk I have loads of opinions about fan/celeb interactions and I think the main issue is when people genuinely feeling like a celeb is their friend or that they're kind of in on fandom jokes etc. like its always gonna be a weird dynamic when person a thinks they know person b really well and to them person a is a literal stranger, but i think as long as people respect boundaries and are brief and polite then it is what it is ig

[samwisefamgee]

god wants me to kill myself sooooo fucking bad lately lol nice try bitch im queer

[transyurikatsuki]

Ok update I redid the ending and sobbed my eyes out so. That's fun.

[funlovinzara]

Monster trio rejecting you Pt.3

‘Makeup’

Warnings: Fluff, arguing in Zoros part

———

Luffy

You and Luffy both talked and had a deeper understanding of eachother, you were in love but Luffy never experienced that nor did he know that was what he was feeling.

He truly did love you in the end, he never even knew he broke your heart in the first place.

“Y/nnnn come on come on come onnn. We have to go!!! You aren’t still talking to Ace are you?”

“No no im not, im coming give me a minute!”

You were still changing to head off on the ship, Luffy being as impatient as he was couldn’t wait. He busted into your room and snatched you out while you were still fixing your hair

“Lets go!! We…I cant go anywhere without you!!”

You both got off the ship and you see Luffy run off into the forest and quickly return with a weird looking flower in his hand.

“For you!!”

He places it in your hair and giggles, “you aren’t ever leaving me!!”

——

Sanji

Sanji decided to take the time to speak to you and apologize, Hes just now realizing that what he said didn’t respect a lady at all, he didnt know how to win your heart back.

Especially with brook being your new best friend, it rages him to see how more comfortable you are with brook than him.

“Y/n.”

“Huh? Yeah?” You turn around to see sanji standing a few feet behind you.

“I need to talk to you…im sorry about what i said. I think i do really like you. I cant see you talking to other men even a skeleton for goodness sake.”

“What.😨”

There was silence as you both stared at eachother

“What?”

“What.”

“Huh?”

“What-.”

All this time you’ve spent trying to get over him all shattered into pieces. Not that he isnt attractive to you anymore its just what he said was a red flag, but since hes apologizing its better than nothing.

You think its better to build up a better friendship before you get with him.

“We can try. But it wont be so easy for you.”

“Really y/n..? You’re sure right? What i said, i didn’t expect you to…”

You gave him a hug, it relieved so much tension. Now you both were on good terms and no one can get through the bond you two were going to build. As for brook, obviously your still going to talk to him! Hes your bestie!!

However he was a around the corner watching the whole situation, he gave Sanji a lecture beforehand. He didn’t think he would actually take action though. He is proud, and hoping things go well.

—-

Zoro

Hes furious at the sight, not that he cares but he does??

The man turns his head slightly and he sees that its..Trafalgar D. Law????

Hes even more ticked. He didnt think Law was a dangerous person but he didn’t want YOU to be around him.

“Y/n???”

He said loud enough for you and Law to hear, you both turn your heads.

“Ah Roronoa Zoro.”

“C’mon, were leaving.”

“What? No why?”

“Theres no point of us being here, we have to go back to the crew.”

“I…huh? I don’t understand.”

“What do you understand?” He says snapping back.

“You live up to your reputation, Zoro.”

“Shut it mushroom hat, lets go.” He forcefully grabs your hand and you try to wiggle free. “Zoro let me go!! What the heck are you doing-!”

You haven’t even gotten to exchange contacts with Law, luckily while you weren’t looking he snuck it in your pocket.

You both exit the auction house and you violently snatch your arm away from Zoros grip. “ZORO!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

All you get is silence from him.

“I cant be happy just for once, you rejected me and yet you’re pulling me away from my only chance of ever getting someone who will like me here!! What the heck is your problem??!”

“Y/n i cant let you do that because i love you. I look like a jerk i KNOW already. But i need you.”

This situation got even more weird. You haven’t completely gotten over him to be honest, but this was so unexpected.

“We can talk about this later. We have a crew remember.”

He walks up to you and looks into your eyes for a second before landing a peck on your forehead.

“I cant let anyone have you. Now, are you gonna take that number out your pocket or what?”

——-

IF YALL ASK FOR A PART 4 IM GONNA CRY.😭 this is the last part periodd

[s0apmactav1sh]

Its literally 4am where I am and I just had this thought.

Widowed!King!Price x Devoted!Knight!Reader.

King Price who lost his husband recently and is now going through the motion of the Royal Selection to find a suitor that's fit enough to become the kings consort of England. But Price is quickly bored of this believing he will never find anyone as loving and caring as his late husband was.

Knight!Reader who has so graciously taken the role as Prices offical guard and notices the way his king is faltering while sitting upon his throne. But he just cant have that. The man he has devoted himself to, mind body and soul, looking so defeated in a chair that hes usually so highly pearched in.

Knight!Reader who somehow convinces King!Price to rest for the night. Leading him from the throne room to the large chambers where the kings bed is perfectly made up and right in the middle of the room. Price who climbs into bed before looking over at his guard and asking the very simple question of:

"Do you have someone waiting for you in your chambers?"

King!Price who waits for an answer not knowing the mini battle of demons knight!reader is facing in his head. There was never anyone waiting for him. No wife or husband, not even a pet. How could there be? All of his devotion goes towards his king, the only man that matters because in Knight!Readers eyes his only purpose is to live and die for his king. And so it shocks Prices when his answer is:

"There is no one, your highness. My only purpose in this life is to serve you. And if it comes to it, die for you aswell"

Of course Price is fasinated with this. Not believe that his knight had never held someone, never had anyone for himself. But he cant help the small grin that comes to his face as he feels the same as him, without his husband he had no one. And in that moment he couldnt help but continue with small jabs at the poor knight who was only trying to do his job:

"So you've never had anyone? Do you not wish for it? The comfort of another, the touch of skin off skin? Why is that you have no one, tell me soldier."

Its an order to knight!reader. To reveal to his king the darkest truth about him. But to reader its an oath he lived by and under no circumstances would he ever betray it. Because betraying the oath would be like walking in the firey pits of hell as a man full of sins.

"I am bruised and burned. Scratched and scarred. Devoted to the crown and loyal to its king. There isnt a soul out there that would want a man like me. I am merely a soldier with nothing else but my title as the kings guard to live off of"

And that set of words has Price crumbling. Just knowing how devoted he truly was underneath the layers of seriousness and gruffness. It was like he had managed to pull away the toughest layer of dirt, grime and blood and reveal the mans real skin underneath. The skin of which was littered with the bruises, burns scars and scratched he spoke of. But also the skin of the man who was the perfect fit to the king.

_

I have no clue what this is, and if its any good but hopefully it is. I am aware this is an alex keller blog but this idea was to perfect for Price.

@rodolfoparras