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cultofdixon · 10 months ago

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Strong, Healthy, that’s all that matters

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Part 2 to “You do what you can” • Alexandria is a wonderful luxury the group was given. Even with the ups and downs • ANGST/SFW/NSFW - Nudity • TW: Miscarriage Mentioned / Pregnancy / Vomiting & Excessive Nausea / Canon Violence

Requested by: Anon

“Why are you out here and not inside with Y/N?” Carol asked her best friend from her porch while he sat on the fence fiddling with his crossbow.

“Doc gave her a sedative. She’s safe, don’t gotta watch her”

“Then why are you biting your thumb every now and then?” She comments on his anxious habit resulting in Daryl stopping himself from continuing.

“She’s weak, can barely stand weak. I’m tryin’ to think of what to do for her when the best thing for her right now is sleep and the IV that doc put in her. He comes by every hour to give us a new one and take the old one to refill. Rick or I change it but I don’t know what else I could do”

“Well, how about I make something that I ate during my pregnancy that I knew I kept down…see if Y/N can handle it. If not, I’ll keep making things pregnancy friendly with what we’ve got.”

“I heard what yea said when they took her to the infirmary.” Daryl hung his head low to avoid her shocked expression. “You wished she’d lost it, then she wouldn’t be useless when we take this place if people fuck with us enough.”

“Daryl—-“

“If yea mean it, then do that shit for my partner and our baby. Otherwise I’ve got it.”

“Yet you’re siting out here and not being with her. Doesn’t matter if you can’t do anything but watch her sleep or hell, sleep with her why not. That’s doing something” Carol states walking past to go to the pantry.

“You look ridiculous by the way!” He had to make one last comment which got a laugh out of the woman.

After a bit more time sitting on the porch to think of anything else he could do for his partner, he decided it was best to listen to his best friend. But when he entered the bedroom Y/N took, she wasn’t in bed and her IV bag was unhooked from her and clamped to keep it from continuing to dispense. Daryl was about to let his anxiety take over when he heard splashing of water.

The second he peaked his head into the bathroom, Y/N quickly turned to him.

“Hi…”

“Hi…how are yea…” His face distorted to the mixture of smells happening in the room. “feeling? What is—-“

“Vomit. I didn’t…make it to the toilet or the trash can at least and puked all over my clothes” Y/N frowns feeling awful about it as she quickly turned away to avoid her tears being noticeable. It’s small potatoes but she’s crying anyway…and again.

Daryl brought himself to kneel by the bath gently taking her chin bringing her attention onto him. He then took care of wiping away the tears bringing out that smile of hers as he leans against the edge of the tub.

“I’ll get you clean clothes. There’s sweats I saw….uhm. Did you take your IV out? Do I have to get—-“

“No it was uhm. The IV tubing was one like a screw in and not a needle piercing the plastic” Y/N showed him that she taped the excess tubing to her arm and did her best to keep it dry. “It’s honestly hard to explain and just easier to show you when I put it back in”

“Puttin’ your old nursing days to use”

“Surprised you even remember that…and it was just a clinic” Y/N laughs softly sinking a bit into the water that was starting to lose its warmth.

“Everythin’ you’ve said to me, I’ve kept to memory. You’re my girl.” Daryl gave her a soft smile which she will take to memory as she brought her hand to rest on his cheek watching him kiss the inside of her palm.

“You know you don’t have to be calm with me…” Y/N reassures even when he gave her a confused look. “I have gotten pretty good at reading your expressions, especially your infamous blank ones…I know you don’t like it here. It’s…scary and I’m not gonna get used to it instantly either or like the others”

“All I want is to keep my family safe. Something doesn’t feel right here but all I gotta do is keep y’all safe”

Y/N smiles bringing herself to the edge pressing a kiss to his lips as he happily returns the gesture.

“Need help out?” Daryl asks when Y/N pulled the stopper out to let the water drain. She nods watching him stand up holding his hands out for her to take carefully.

The second Daryl helped her stand to her feet his eyes fixated on something that anxiously took Y/N’s attention.

“What happened?”

“Nothin’. Nothin’ bad” Daryl states still staring as he helps her out of the tub and reaching for the towel on the sink she set out for herself. “You’re showin’” he says while gently wrapping her in the towel and finding the opportunity to rest his hand on her belly after giving her a quick glance for any signs from her of not wanting him to do such.

But his large hands make it look like nothing in comparison to Y/N keeping the towel from covering her belly a moment so she could rest her hand on her small but growing bump. She couldn’t help the tears that started to form at her waterline when looking at the small bump as she was worried ever since she found out she was pregnant and had this 1 in a million case of intense nausea that the baby wouldn’t grow.

Yet here they were admiring the small thing as Daryl rest his forehead against hers a moment while they both looked before he wrapped her entirely in the towel and picking her up bridal style carrying her back to the rest of bedroom.

Once she dressed in the sweats and long sleeve Daryl had gotten out for her, it felt like a cue for Rick to step in without knocking but Y/N was used to that. She grew up with the guy.

“How are yea feeling?”

“I’m doing okay” Y/N gave him a tired smile while showing Daryl how to reconnect the IV bag. “Did you need something?”

“Yeah you remember Deanna coming in to introduce herself to you?”

“Yeah?” The confusion grew on her partner’s face to what he was getting at.

“She’s throwing a welcoming party or whatever they’re called for our infusion to the place. She wants you to come if you’re feeling well enough”

“I could just lie—-“

“Yeah I know but I have to go and so are the kids. I’d just. Like it if you came” Rick says on his way out before Y/N could say anymore on the matter. She turned to Daryl and before he could share his concerns on why he doesn’t exactly feel welcomed…

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. Frankly I don’t…really want to either. I never fit in with this kind of crowd” Y/N rest her head on Daryl’s shoulder feeling his arm snake around her bringing her close. “You just be safe with whatever you do and I promise you I will be safe.”

“You just know what to say huh?” Daryl chuckles lightly pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll uh…well, I wanna check out the place when there’s not a lot of people ‘round”

“Can you make sure the wall is actually secure?”

“That what you’re really worried about?”

“I’m pregnant, Dar. I’m worried about a lot of things”

The night of the party came and Rick quietly approaches Y/N’s bedroom knocking on the door frame watching her attention go from the full body mirror to him. She was wearing a dress that was more on the fitted side and showed off her bump, the dress was given to her by Deanna. As if she wanted to show everyone who the pregnant newcomer was.

“You look miserable”

“Yeah but not in that sense. The doc came by to check me out…as per request by—-“

“Jesus fucking Christ”

“And he said I should be fine to go. So I can’t really stand up this party…especially since she also dropped this dress off and it’s like. She wants everyone to know I’m the pregnant one”

“Yeah I don’t quite understand this whole “reliving the old life” Alexandria’s got going for it. But I’ve found a sweater in my closet that I think you’d like to wear over the dress.” Rick tossed his sister the grey sweater that she instantly put on. “Well don’t we clean up nice”

“You miss it?” Y/N questions as she sits on the edge of the bed slipping her untied converse with ease as Rick instantly knelt down to help her by tying them. “The old world?”

“Honest? I don’t”

“Why?”

“I missed my sister, now I see her everyday” Rick stood to his feet once he tied her shoes and helped her up. “I don’t ever want to go back to rarely ever seeing you”

The first thirty minutes of the party, Y/N was approached by those simply introducing themselves to the newcomers and the occasional woman that was too curious about her pregnancy. She even had to swat someone from touching her belly. It seemed to only get worse when one of Deanna’s sons, Aiden walked over trying to do his usual shtick.

“Come here often?”

Gross. “Nope” Y/N tried to brush him off but he kept his place.

“I saw yea come in on a stretcher. Thank god a bombshell like yourself pulled through”

“I wasn’t dying”

“Ah well. Still”

“Still what? Did you not see the man glued to my side or the smallest but obvious reason why I had to be rolled into this shithole?” Y/N glared at the man while holding her belly as Aiden cleared his throat.

“I uh. Just thought you were fat—-“

“EXCUSE ME?!” Y/N scoffs about to break this man in half when Maggie cut in and physically shoved the guy back.

“Woah watch it. I was having a conversa—-“

“Yeah and it’s done, unless you want me to let her beat you to a pulp”

“Like her weak ass can even land a punch”

And without another word, Maggie moved out of Y/N’s way and she didn’t hesitate to land a good one right in the kisser. Aiden instantly fumbled back about to fight back when Reg instantly pulled his son away letting Deanna take care of the situation. But Y/N had enough of being there.

“Come on Rocky, let’s get you home before the ref realizes what happened to her bitch of a son” Maggie quickly wrapped an arm around her friend’s shoulders walking out of the house and heading toward the Grimes’s residence.

“Hope Daryl is having a better time than I am.” Y/N frowns feeling the sick feeling return.

Meanwhile Daryl was checking out the bike frame Aaron had shown him and while he was making a plate for the archer’s partner…Eric wobbled in.

“Hey you never told us your wife’s name”

“She’s not my—-Y/N—We ain’t married.” Daryl fumbled a bit as he had that strange old world feeling when it came to their “situation”.

Y/N Grimes is the love of Daryl Dixon’s life. Neither of them like labels.

Daryl calls her sunshine, darling, and lovely.

Y/N calls him my love, babe, and the occasional Darbear for the fun of it.

The archer calls her his partner to others and some part of him would love to use my wife.

So what’s stopping me? Daryl thought as Eric gave him a confused look after his scrambling.

“I know we just met but do you mind if I push?”

“Why do yea want to?”

“Because I feel like it. I talked to Y/N when we were both in the infirmary” Eric leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed. “She’s a catch, and fate brought you two together…you don’t need a fancy wedding for a union anymore. I get some don’t like labels or whatever, but honestly, those labels are sometimes not for you…besides” He reached into his pocket tossing a ring box at the archer. “She loved that”

Such little time in the infirmary lead to a lot of unanswered questions. But Daryl found himself heading back to the Grimes’s residence with a wrapped plate of spaghetti and a ring in a velvet box. Nothing too fancy. Nothing like what the brides have in the old movies. It suited them. That’s how perfect it was.

“Hey Dixon!” Pete calls out to Daryl carrying a few things in his hands as he stalls by the steps. “Got a few things for your woman after doing a bit of research and what happened tonight”

“The fuck happen tonight?”

Pete gave him about the same level of blank staring before handing him one of those instant ice packs. “She punched the Monroe boy. Should help with the bruising. Plus found one of these pregnancy books in what we are suppose to call a library? Anyway and some nausea meds”

“Thanks…” Daryl accepted everything as he watches him leave before quickly picking up where he left off heading inside.

The archer quickly dropped the plate off on the kitchen island before making his way upstairs and into their shared room finding her still awake. Y/N still wearing the sweater her brother gave her but was finally out of that stupid dress. When she locked eyes with her partner, some part of her wished she still wore it for him to see but she was more focused on everything he carried.

“You were busy tonight”

“Uh. I guess.” Daryl brought himself to sit beside Y/N feeling her lips instantly press onto his cheek the moment he sat before resting her cheek against his shoulder. “Heard about your right hook”

“Dumbass deserved it…”

“Gotta point him out for me, so I know who to fucking show who’s boss”

“I sort of already did, but I will” Y/N laughs lightly against him, taking the offered instant ice pack to crack it and hold it on her dominant hand. “What else you’ve got?”

“I’ve got yea a plate in the kitchen. Had dinner with Aaron and his partner Eric. It was…nice. I wish you were there with me” Daryl kissed the top of her head as she snuggled up into him humming in response. “The doc also gave me meds for yea to try when it comes to your vomiting”

“I can take down fluids so I don’t need the IV anymore. That’s one good thing happening”

“That’s great” Daryl repeated the phrase once more before carefully pulling away from Y/N setting down the nausea meds along with the pregnancy book that peaked her interest—-for only a short moment.

Because the archer getting down on one knee instantly brought her attention away.

“Daryl Dixon. What are you doing?”

“Something…something stupid? I…I know about what we think of labels and shit but I can’t shake this”

“Daryl…” Y/N softens bringing herself entirely to the edge of the bed.

“I’ve been wanting to call you my wife since the last month of peace back at the prison. I want and am gonna spend the rest of my life with you…and this peanut is just. Our overflowing love onto another human being…”

“So poetic of you, Daryl Dixon…” Y/N laughs softly bringing his face into her hands as the tears instantly fell from her touch.

“I love you so much, sunshine”

“I love you so much more Darbear” She smirks hearing his annoyed laugh escape his lips as she gently wipes away his tears. “Now are you going to ask me? Because I don’t need a ring to tell the world how much I love being your wife”

Daryl gently pulls away to take the ring box out of a pocket in his vest as it surprised Y/N slightly when he opened it. It brought out a small tearful laugh to the silver arrow wrapped into a ring. It was a little cheesy but it was for them.

“Will you be my wife, Y/N Grimes?”

“I do, Daryl Dixon. I sure as fucking hell do”

It’s been about two months since then. Y/N was now six months pregnant and Alexandria went through…a lot.

The wall collapsing

The herd

Carl losing an eye

Maggie’s pregnancy announcement

Losing a lot of Alexandrians

It took about a month to fix the wall and collect themselves, slowly bringing themselves back to a sense of normal.

The morning came slowly, or slower than usual…

Y/N shifted slightly in the bed feeling the discomfort truly grow in her back once she opened her eyes. A soft groan escaped her lips which stirred Daryl awake as he lifted his head to check her face for anything but kept his hand secured on her belly.

“The baby isn’t going to kick every time your hand is there”

“She does. Sometimes”

“She huh? What happened to strong and healthy…that’s all that matters?”

“That’s still fact. Don’t mean I can wish for somethin’ on the side” Daryl whispers as he pressed a kiss to her belly which resulted in a laugh from his wife but also a kick hitting his hand. “That’s my girl”

“Rick caught me up on your supply run just the two of you…promise you’ll be safe?”

“I always do don’t I?”

“Yeah but last time you came home with a knife wound in your shoulder”

“Alright, fair enough” Daryl brought himself to sit up and help his wife do the same as Y/N gently caressed his cheek worried about him. “I promise”

“Good…”

Because I have a weird feeling about today

#cultofdixon #the walking dead #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction

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haruharuz · 1 year ago

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*smacks hands together* alright guys since I started cracking the code to finally getting shit together imma give it to you. It’s not some 60 day fix your life hardcore butthole burner 3000 challenge. It isn’t gonna magically take your fucking depression away.

But listen, listen.

Put floss in a visible place— floss picks work fine. Start flossing before or after you brush your teeth.

Stretch in bed at night before you sleep. Two minutes is better than no minutes— butt up, crack your back, touch your toes or calves or something.

Start doing a “closer” on your room / home every night. Even if you’re exhausted. All you need to do is pick up the dirty clothes and put them in a hamper. Pick up the trash and throw it away. If you have a dishwasher, shove dishes in it and turn it on. If you don’t, do the easiest dishes you can. Wipe the counters down.

Sleepy time tea by celestial seasonings helps the skin because it’s got spearmint and helps anxiety because of the chamomile.

Comfort water bottle, 16 oz or more. Drink up.

Fill your water filter to the TOP every night before you sleep, now you have lots tomorrow and won’t avoid it as much.

Underwater aquarium ambience with fishies is great to watch and relax to.

Read fanfiction as a reward for doing something tough. Write one or use some shit like CAI to help you cope.

Organizing is hard. Get organizing shit from dollar tree and you’re done.

Have a hard time eating veggies? What’s your favorite veggie? Make that the majority of the veggie on your plate and the rest of the veggies aren’t as many. Huzzah.

Dino nuggets + tater tots + carrots is a perfectly fine meal. Eat.

ACCOMMODATE DONT IGNORE. I ignored and pushed neurodivergent things + chronic symptoms away for years. It did nothing. ACCOMMODATE IT.

Structure your week in hard days Vs easy days. Monday is my busy day, I do as much of the annoying cleaning as I possibly can on that day. I have my groceries delivered. I have lots to do. Tuesday is more relaxed but I finish shit on my to do lists. Other days are easier, because I don’t have to spend all damn day cleaning.

Do your fuckin stretching and cardio and whatnot in your pajamas. You don’t even need pants. Literally just do it naked before your shower if you want.

#sunny rambles #resources #motivation #harusclass #self improvement

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love-lilly02 · 8 months ago

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LILLY PLS IM SUPER DOWN BAD FOR SOME TF141 DRABBLES RN

OK IDEA: HOW THEY SHOW THEIR AFFECTION/LOVE LANGUAGE 💥👊

KEEPING IT BROAD CAUSE I WANNA SEE YOU BE CREATIVE 🤭

MWAH DONT FEEL FORCED EITHER

— 🪿

RAAAA DUCK ANNON IS BACK‼️‼️‼️

i’m so sorry i didn’t see this by the way, i was cleaning😕😕

Anyways we’ll start off with Price, i think he’s definitely a words of affirmation person or gift giving. in the beginning he leaves you small things, a flower (yes, a singular flower.) with a letter saying it’s pretty like you, poems, treats hidden around your room. Once the two of you are together though he’s going all out. Flowers every week (he keeps one so he knows when it’s time to buy more), text messages with poems and paragraphs, date nights, shopping sprees. (emphasis on the shopping, you can look at something for too long and it’s in your apartment the next day.) i also don’t really see price as a touchy person, but he likes when you hold his hand or his arm (imagine period drama arm holding), ESPECIALLY around the boys.

Johnny next, this man is touchy to ALL hell. your on the counter? he’s got your ass. standing there doing ANYTHING? he’s around you, holding your waist, putting his chin on your shoulder, all of the above. In public he’s got your hand, your arm, your waist, any part of you he can grab. he’s also a flirter, to the BIGGEST extent, i mean this man will take one look at you and spew out so many compliments you think he’s got them pre written down. their also never the same compliments, ever. how he has so many you’ll never know. I don’t see him as a gifts person but if you express an intrest in certain things it will pop up from time to time.

Kyle is a bit tricky for me, because i don’t write him often. I think he’s a reassurance person, if you’re not feeling well he’s there or he’ll always say he loves you or something. Definitely someone who believes actions speak louder than words, which means everything in your house is getting done for you. dishes? he washed them an hour ago. trash needs taking out? oh don’t worry love, i got that. He just likes taking care of you, doesn’t really mind the busywork. And don’t you dare feel bad for it, he’s right there scolding you for it, saying that he wants to do those things, that he wants to help you. He’s definitely a clingy person, but not out in public. poor kid’s too shy for that, but at home he’s all over you. his favorite position is to lie with his head on your stomach, watching something on the telly while you read or scroll on your phone. definitely not because he falls asleep easier in that position.

Ghost is my favorite of them all. at first he just ignores you, i mean once this man realizes he has feelings you NEVER see him around😭 and then he gets over himself and somehow apologizes (how he got over himself, we’ll never know) and slowly starts going around you again, but that’s literally it. You don’t think anything else is wrong, wouldn’t even be able to tell something was different if it weren’t for all the people that started going missing. You complain about a co worker? their gone the next morning. some rookie is pissing you off? oddly enough he got deployed and killed in combat. you never understand it, especially when no one questions the disappearances or just where the people went. That’s how ghost loves you, by keeping you happy. Simon on the other hand, takes a much more direct approach with his love. Once ghost is done with his “i’ll kill you if you touch her” bs he’s confessing to you, buying you flowers for the first date (only then, for some reason?) taking you somewhere nice. The whole shabang for his pretty thing. He’s also a nicknames person, some of his favorite being “love, lovie, princess” and sometimes “thing” when you really make him mad. he’s just like kyle, shy in public but a fucking PUPPY at home. you try to get up in the morning, he’s got you trapped under him in seconds. you leave a room, he’s tailing after you, your cooking in the kitchen he’s right behind you, if you don’t yell at him to get off. it’s never suffocating, though. In public he’ll hold your waist or your hand, that’s about it.

i feel like i kind of got off topic at some points but those are hot takes off the top of my head🥳🥳 lmk if yall want an nsfw version

#i love duck annon #this was written on my phone if you couldn’t tell #cod x reader #poly 141 x reader #task force 141 x reader #simon riley x reader #john price x reader #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick

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justagalwhowrites · 2 years ago

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Lavender - Ch. 4

Trying to get back to normal after sleeping with your boss is easier said than done. A continuation of chapters 1-3, found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Length: 8.3k

Warnings: Mild violence (full fic is pretty smutty so Minors DNI). No use of Y/N.

“Ugh, I’m so jealous of how cute you always make your apartments,” your friend, Cassie, was splayed out like a starfish in the middle of your living room floor. “Why aren’t we roommates? I want a cute apartment.”

“You had a cute apartment,” you replied, stretched out on your couch, one leg dangling off the side of it. “When I helped you unpack it. And then you trashed it within a week. Which is why we’re not roommates.”

“I’d keep it clean if I had the right motivation,” she pouted. You smiled.

“No you wouldn’t. I’d keep it clean and you’d reap the benefits. Which is why we’re not roommates.”

“I hate that you’re right,” she sighed. You laughed.

“But thank you for helping me settle in to this place,” you said, looking around your freshly unpacked living room, a pile of broken down boxes sitting by your front door. “It made it a lot easier, having an extra set of hands.”

It was true. After Joel and Tommy had left the day before, you’d basically just cried half the night, sitting on your couch and staring into space and trying to think about anything besides what you’d been doing the night before. When you went to bed, you told yourself you were getting up and unpacking in the morning. You had to keep going. Just because things hadn’t worked out with Joel didn’t mean you got to derail your life, even if that’s all you really felt like doing.

When Cassie called to see if you wanted help unpacking, you’d jumped on it. You didn’t have a ton of stuff but you had enough that it seemed a bit overwhelming to do on your own. She helped you get through every last box, setting knick-knacks out on the bookshelves and putting plates in cupboards and hanging dresses in your closet. Now, the job was done, the Janis Joplin album you’d been listening to past the end, a pleasant crackle the only thing coming from your newly-set up record player.

“Happy to do anything to put off studying for finals,” she sighed, her southern drawl thick. You snorted. “Haven’t actually been able to talk with you much lately, how was it living with the DILF?”

“Cass!” You gaped at her. She smirked. “Come on…”

“What!” She laughed. “I’ve only met him like twice but dude is hot. Like if he was in hell I’d buy a one way ticket hot.”

“You’re insane,” you groaned.

“And I can’t believe you haven’t made a move on him,” she said. “I mean, the set up could not be better. Or more porn-y. You’re the hot babysitter! All young and sexy hanging around his house all the time. All you’d probably have to do is drop one hint and he’d be all over you…”

“Turns out all I had to do was strip and get in his pool while tipsy,” you said before you could talk yourself out of it. Cassie sat up so fast it looked like she was on a spring.

“YOU WHAT?” She shrieked.

“Shhh!” You hissed, waving at her. “I just moved in, I’d rather my neighbors not hate me already…”

“You fucked the DILF?” She sat up on her knees and scooted across the floor until she was in your face.

“Can you call him something else, please?” You groaned.

“Did you fuck him?” She demanded. “I’ll call him that again if you don’t spill.”

“I… had sex with Joel,” you winced as you said it. She squealed, grabbing a pillow and smacking you with it. “Ow.”

“When?” She demanded. “How? How was it? What are you doing now? Details, woman!”

“Friday night?” You asked more than answered.

“Oh my God,” she got up, lifting your legs off the couch and putting them on the floor so she could sit next to you. You sighed and sat up, tucking yourself into the corner and clutching a pillow to your stomach, your legs curled beside you. “Wait, was that your first time? That was your first time, right?”

“Yeah,” you winced again. She grabbed the pillow and hit your legs with it again.

“Oh. My. God.” She smacked you with the pillow on each word and you groaned, burying your face in the pillow on your lap. “How’d it happen?”

You pulled your face from the pillow and sighed.

“I made him dinner,” you said. “Well, I made him and Sarah dinner but Sarah ended up at a friend’s house for a slumber party so it was just the two of us…”

“Sure, sure,” she nodded along. “You’re a great cook, not surprised that seduced him.”

“I wasn’t trying to seduce him,” you groaned. “I swear, I really wasn’t…”

“You’ve had a crush on the guy for more than a year,” she rolled her eyes. “It was at least subconscious seduction.”

“Either way,” you sighed. “I’d been cooking and it was warm and I asked if I could swim but I didn’t have a swim suit…”

“So you skinny dipped.”

“No!” You glared at her. “I… jumped in the pool in my underwear.”

“Girl!”

“It wasn’t even sexy underwear!” You replied. “But I did… take my dress off in front of him.”

“Oh my GOD you big slut!” Cassie was giddy. You groaned. “I love it, tell me more.”

“He seemed to like me taking my clothes off?” You more asked than said. You were still uncertain about that, just how much he’d actually liked it.

“Well duh,” she shrugged. “You’re a hot young thing, of course he liked it, he’s a guy.”

“I didn’t think he saw me that way,” your hold on the pillow tightened. “But I saw how he was looking at me… or I thought I did, anyway. So he got in the pool too, in his boxers…” She shrieked before covering her mouth and nodding you on. “ And then… one thing led to another.”

“So was it good?” She asked. You blushed and nodded. “OK, how good? Like, I know you don’t have much to compare it to but…”

“Cass,” you said earnestly. “It was… holy shit. It was so fucking good.”

“Did you…” she raised her eyebrows at you. You just frowned. She rolled her eyes. “Oh my God you’re such a virgin.”

“Not anymore,” you smirked a little. She glared at you.

“You know what I’m asking,” she said. “Did you finish? Or at least get close? It was your first time, you can’t really expect…”

“Oh, I finished,” you cut her off. She looked surprised.

“You seem awful certain of yourself there.”

“Because I finished a lot,” you said, smiling in spite of yourself. “And hard. So many times, Cass.”

She blinked in shock.

“How many times?” She asked. You thought for a second.

“Well, there was twice in the pool,” you said. “Then once in the shower and two more times in bed… I think that’s it.”

“How many times did you fuck him?” She demanded.

“Just twice!” You said, defensive.

“And he got you off five times.”

You just nodded.

“Holy shit,” she gaped at you. “I’d need to fuck Chad like 15 times to have five orgasms, and that’s just if he hits his average.”

You just shrugged, not really sure what else to say.

“That’s it,” she sighed, shaking her head. “Now that Chad and I are done, next guy I date is going to be a DILF. I’m not settling for anything less than multiple orgasms from day one.”

“I’m sorry about you and Chad,” you said. She waved you off.

“I’m not dating anyone who has friends like Jeremy,” she scoffed. “Fuck that guy. Fuck both those guys. Besides, now I’m free to find myself a DILF. Anyway, what are you guys going to do now? Have you talked about it?”

“We’re not doing anything about it,” you sighed. “I’m his daughter’s nanny and he said he has to do what’s best for her. Which he’s right, he does. And that’s not me.”

You tried to fight the tears that were welling up in you but you didn’t do a good job of it, pinching the bridge of your nose to keep from crying.

“Oh, sweetie,” Cassie’s voice softened, her typical bravado gone. She pulled you against her, running her hand down your back. “I’m so sorry.”

“I did it to myself,” you sniffed into her shoulder. “He’s a good dad, his daughter takes priority. I knew that, I knew this could happen….”

“Are you still going to work for him?” She asked, still holding you.

“Yeah,” you said. “At least, I sure hope so. I don’t have another way to pay rent this summer.”

She pulled back from you, a sad look on her face.

“Think you can handle that?” She asked. “Being around the guy you love and you lost your virginity to that often?”

“I never said I loved him,” you wiped your cheeks.

“Oh honey,” she smiled sadly. “C’mon. I’m not that dumb and I know you’re not that dumb.”

“I’ll just…” you shrugged. “I’ll deal with it. I don’t have another way to pay rent and I really don’t want to just leave Sarah like that. I’m an adult. When you do adult stuff sometimes you have to deal with adult consequences. Right?”

She just sighed.

“I’m sleeping over,” she said. Before you opened your mouth to protest, she cut you off. “No, I am. You need ice cream and you need liquor and I need… to have an excuse to not study for my chem final.” You laughed and she smiled. “It’ll be better tomorrow. Promise.”

She was right, it was a bit better the next day. The hollow ache in your chest was better when she was there. Cassie got bourbon and insisted that it didn’t really count as drinking it when you just poured it over ice cream. You ordered a pizza loaded with mushrooms and extra cheese and watched your favorite romantic comedies before eventually passing out on the floor of your living room, surrounded by the glow of TV static and empty wine bottles.

Finals felt particularly hard that year. You’d always been a good test taker and studying had never been a major hurdle for you, but every class felt like a slog as you fought to get through your last week of the semester. It was like your brain was somewhere else entirely. You could focus on the exam for a few minutes if you really forced yourself to, but the second your mind drifted even slightly, you were wondering what Joel was doing. What was he feeling? Was he missing you or had Friday night barely even registered for him?

Sometimes, when your heart and mind wanted to be especially cruel, your thoughts drifted to Friday night. Just how full you’d felt and how empty you felt now. How he’d carefully, expertly drawn pleasure from your body like it was an art form. The way you’d felt closer to him than you had to any other person. And then he’d cut you off cold. Hadn’t even called. Maybe it really hadn’t mattered to him. Which was fine. Or so you tried to convince yourself. Just because it had been special for you doesn’t mean it had to be special for him and that was OK. It’s not like you hadn’t enjoyed it. That’s all he’d really owed you, you supposed. A good time in bed. And he’d definitely delivered on that.

That’s what you decided the night before you were set to start looking after Sarah again. It had been two weeks since you’d last seen or heard from Joel. You weren’t sure what seeing him again would do to you. It wasn’t like you were some heartbroken little girl but you weren’t going to pretend like it wasn’t going to hurt. It definitely was. But, if you thought about it as a one night thing - just an exchange between two people who wanted to have some fun - that made it a bit better. Like you hadn’t been let down.

“You can do this,” you said to yourself as you stared up at the ceiling. “It’s just work. You’ve always had a crush on Joel. This isn’t any different than before. You’ll hardly see the guy. You can do this.”

Your resolve wavered a bit as you knocked on his front door the next morning. There was no response but you could hear voices inside. You glanced at your watch. 7:25 a.m. He’d need to leave for work in 20 minutes. You’d always just let yourself in the summer before… You tested the door. Unlocked.

“You can do this,” you said again, opening the front door.

“But I want to go!” Sarah was all but yelling at her father. “It’s not fair!”

“I don’t care if it’s fair or not,” Joel said back, sounding exasperated. “You’re not going, you’re too young…”

“But everyone’s going!” She whined.

You went further into the house, frowning as you fidgeted with the pendent around your neck.

“Don’t care if everyone in Austin is goin’ because you ain’t,” Joel’s accent was getting thicker. You half smiled. This fight had probably been going for a minute. You found them both in Sarah’s room, the girl standing defiantly with her arms crossed, staring her father down, Joel with his hands on his hips looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there.

“Where isn’t she going?” You asked, leaning against the doorway. Both of their heads whipped around to see you, Sarah’s face lighting up and Joel’s mouth just hanging open slightly.

“Maybe you can convince him,” Sarah said. “He actually LISTENS to you…”

“I’m not exactly a great parent convincer,” you scrunched your nose at her. “I just let you get away with more than he does so you think I am.”

Joel was still gaping at you.

“Sorry,” you said, meeting his gaze. “Door was open, I don’t think you heard me knock over the thermonuclear war happening in here so I just let myself in…”

“That’s fine,” he said quickly. “Just… How’ve you been?”

“Fine,” you shrugged. “Finals are over, so that’s nice.”

“Good,” he said, nodding. “That’s… I never did… Well I didn’t go to school so I don’t know shit about finals but probably good to have them done.”

“Yeah,” you said. “Biochem was rough but I got an A-.”

You just looked at each other for a moment.

“Where isn’t Sarah going?” You asked eventually.

“A pool party,” Sarah said. “There’s a boy at school…”

“And there it is,” Joel cut her off, turning his attention back to his daughter. “You’re not going, I can’t be there so you’re not going. You’re too young to be going and hanging out with some boy in your bathing suit…”

“It’s not like we’re going to be by ourselves, Dad!” She whined. “You’re being so lame!”

“Sarah,” he sighed.

“Joel?” You said. He turned his head to face you so fast it almost made you jump. “Can I talk to you? Just… 30 seconds.” You looked at Sarah. “No eavesdropping.”

You led the way to the living room, pulling Joel into the corner of the room furthest from Sarah’s bedroom door.

“Are you only opposed because she’d be going unsupervised?” You asked.

“Well, that and she’s too young for boy girl parties,” he muttered. “I thought I had another three years before I had to deal with this shit. Two at least.”

“Well yeah, she’s too young for THAT kind of boy girl party but she’s 10,” you shrugged. “I think you’re trying to make this more than it is. She’s got that one piece, right?”

“She’s gotten taller since last summer though…” he looked back towards her room.

“OK,” you shrugged. “I’ll take her shopping, find her something that she likes that you’ll sign off on and I’ll take her to the party and make sure all the boys behave themselves.”

“I can’t ask you to do that,” he shook his head.

“You’re not,” you shrugged. “I’m offering. It’s going to be a party which means plenty of kids. She’ll probably feel very left out if she doesn’t get to go and all her friends are going to be talking about it all summer if they’re not all together again until the school year starts. You really want to deal with her being pissy at you that long? Because tween girls are a whole different animal, they can hold grudges like no other…”

“Fine,” he sighed. “But if she’s not a damn angel this whole week…”

“Sarah’s always an angel,” you smirked a bit at him.

“We both know that ain’t true,” he muttered and then sighed. “But she’s a good kid. A great kid. I should give her more credit, huh?”

“Yup,” you nodded. “You lucked out with that one, Miller.”

“I did,” he sighed again, before looking down at you. “Hey, um…”

“I’d rather not talk about it if that’s OK?” You said quickly. “Just go tell your kid that you’re the cool dad and then go to work, OK?”

His eyes searched yours for a moment.

“Yeah, OK.”

When Joel told Sarah she could go to the pool party, it was like a switch flipped. She flung her arms around her dad’s neck, leaping at him so he had to catch her. He smiled over her shoulder at you and you smiled back. It was so easy, making them both happy. You could do that.

When Joel left for work, things got easier. It was easy to pretend that the house was the same as it had always been - definitely hadn’t been fucked within an inch of your life in here, no sir. You fell into an easy rhythm with Sarah, walking down to the new playground they’d put in at the park down the road - this one had a really tall slide that the bigger kids were all about. Walking back for lunch. You went to the mall that day to shop for a swim suit instead of going to the library and you found a suit that Sarah loved (it was a two piece) that you thought Joel could tolerate (it was a tankini that covered everything but a sliver of skin between the top and the bottoms.) Joel got home a little after five and you all but ran out the door even as he tried to make awkward small talk with you.

It was odd, feeling accomplished about just surviving the day. But you’d seen Joel again and hadn’t even cried. Yet. You probably would later but you’d deal with that when the time came. You decided you’d earned a treat but your bank account balance was a bit dismal, so you stopped at your favorite coffee shop. Yes, it just so happened to be the one you’d met Joel at the first time, so what? You could do that. Just go there without thinking about him. Much.

You got yourself an iced lavender latte and at a small table at the back, tucking yourself into the corner of the bench side of it and pulling out your book. You’d purposely picked something that you’d have to focus on - “The Count of Monte Cristo” in the original French - so your mind wouldn’t wander to dangerous places. Like how Joel still smelled like sawdust.

“That final was a bitch, wasn’t it?”

You jumped a little, looking around for who spoke. There was a man in front of you, about your age, smiling with open eyes, leaning on the chair across from you.

“I’m sorry?” You asked, lowering the book.

“Biochem,” he said, giving you a sheepish half smile. “We weren’t in the same lab but we were in the same lecture hall. You always sat near the front, on the side of the room with the wonky projector? You always got to class earlier than me…”

“Oh,” you weren’t really sure what to say about that. You smiled anyway. “Yeah, that sounds like me. And yeah, that final… woof.”

“Right?” He took the seat across from you. “I thought I was toast. Heard a rumor you set the curve, though.”

“Seems like a vicious lie to me,” you smiled a little broader. “Couldn’t possibly have a reliable source for that…”

“Just the TA,” he winked. You put your book face down on the table, keeping your place. “Are you pre-med then?”

“Just bio,” you replied. “I’d love to do pre-med but I just can’t wrap my head around taking out enough student loans to become a doctor.”

“Damn,” he said. “And here I’d hoped we’d have more classes together.”

“Why would you hope for a thing like that?” You asked, smiling a bit bigger.

“The pre-med lecture halls look real boring after a while,” he leaned on the small table. “Course, maybe that’s a good thing. Fewer distractions.”

“I’m a distraction?” You asked, raising a brow at him.

“A nice one,” he nodded. “Because without you there, I usually set the curve.”

You chatted with him for a while longer. His name was Brad and he claimed to have been trying to work up the courage to talk to you all semester. He took running into you at the coffee shop to be a sign that he should actually say something to you. You didn’t fight him on the idea. He seemed�� nice. He was flirting with you and it felt good, even if you weren’t especially interested in him.

“Are you free Friday?” He asked. “My roommate’s band is playing and I’ll be honest, I’d love to have someone suffer with me.”

“I mean, since you’re selling it so hard,” you teased. He laughed.

“They’re actually not bad,” he said. “I just don’t want to show up with the prettiest girl and have her run off with the lead guitarist. Also, my roommate’s the lead guitarist.”

“Oh, so the bassist is fine?” You raised your eyebrows.

“Yeah, that’d sting less,” he said. “Plus the bassist is kind of a dumbass and you’re smart so you’ll get bored quick. I’d still have a shot.”

“Well so long as the important things are settled,” you smiled. “Then yeah, I’d like to come.”

You exchanged information and you put his number in your book as a bookmark, gathering your things and heading home as the coffee shop closed.

“You need to dress like a slut.” Cassie was rifling through your closet Thursday night. You’d managed to avoid Joel for almost the entire week, saying only a handful of words to him since Monday. You practically tripped over yourself trying to get out the door when he came home, desperate to put some distance between you. He wasn’t exactly trying to stop you, either, seemingly happy to get you out of his hair as soon as humanly possible. You kept trying to think about Brad. He was nice. He was smart. He was definitely interested. He was even pretty cute. He just… wasn’t Joel.

“I’m not dressing like a slut,” you sighed, flat on your back on your bed, your head hanging over the side as you watched her go through your clothes.

“Want to borrow something from me?” She said, ignoring you. “You need something that says ‘hey Brad, I’m open for business.’”

“Do I?” You asked.

“Want to get over Joel?” She asked, cocking her head all the way to the side to try to meet your eyes. “Fuck Brad.”

“It’s a first date,” you said. “I’m not fucking Brad.”

“Fucked Joel without a first date,” she muttered.

“Hey!” You said, indignant. “That’s different. We’d known each other a while.”

“Well Brad’s been gazing longingly across a lecture hall at you for half a year,” she replied. “That almost counts.”

“I wish I could be more casual about sex…” you began but she interrupted you.

“The way you become more casual about sex is by having casual sex,” she said. “Sweetie, it’s not that big of a deal, I promise it’s not. At least think about it, something to get that man out of your system. You need it.”

You sighed, thinking for the millionth time about how good he’d felt sinking into your body. How close you felt to him when talking in the dark, his skin on yours.

“Yeah,” you signed, trying to imagine what it would be like to feel Brad’s lips on your skin. But he kept changing shape until it wasn’t Brad in your mind anymore. “I do need it.”

Friday was Sarah’s pool party, making it a pretty damn easy day for you at work. You brought a bottle of nail polish and you sat on the deck of the pool as you just watched Sarah and Lizzie play with Charlie - the boy that had Joel so worried, a red headed kid who looked like he was made of more freckles than anything else - and about a dozen other kids you didn’t know. You gave yourself a mani-pedi poolside, trying to keep from getting soaked by splashing kids.

“So are you Sarah’s step-mom?” A woman smiled stiffly down at you, a small pile of towels in her arms.

“Oh, no,” you laughed a little. “Just the nanny.”

“Oh!” She laughed back, her smile becoming a bit more genuine. She sat down next to you. “I’m Clare’s mom, she’s the one in the blue suit.” She pointed her daughter out. She was leaping into the water, blonde pigtails streaming out behind her.

“She seems like a fun kid,” you smiled before going back to your toes.

“She’s the best,” she said. You felt her watching you. “So you’re just the nanny then?”

“Last time I checked,” you said absently, cleaning up the stray polish on your big toe. “Why?”

“Oh, no big reason,” she laughed a little. “I’d just… well, I’d be lying if I said just about every single mom here hasn’t had her eye on Joel Miller.”

“Really?” You said, looking over at her.

“Oh heck yeah,” she laughed. “I mean, you’ve met him. Obviously. A man who looks that good, knows how to fix things around the house AND he’s a dedicated parent? My goodness.”

“Mr. Miller is pretty great,” you smiled tightly, going back to your polish. “Really nice boss. And Sarah’s a dream. I lucked out.”

“I’m just relieved you’re not the girlfriend,” she said. “Not for me, of course. Happily married for 13 years. But my friend Susan over there would be heartbroken. She sent me over to do recon.”

You glanced up and saw a woman in a lime green one piece eyeing you from across the pool. She had to be 20 years older than you which gave her a good 10 years on Joel.

“Feel free to report back that Mr. Miller is - as far as the nanny is aware - very much on the market,” you said, closing the bottle of nail polish. Sarah shoved Lizzie in the pool and then jumped in after her with a shriek. “Susan should definitely give it a go, though. Mr. Miller’s busy but I think he’d make time for the right person.”

“Thanks so much, sweetie,” she smiled broadly. “So nice to meet you! Hope to see you at more of these types of things.”

“You too,” you smiled politely.

The pool party wound down but Sarah and Lizzie were getting on like a house on fire. You found Lizzie’s mom - a nice if frazzled woman named Margie who you’d met a few times before - and invited her daughter over to keep swimming at the Millers’ until Joel got home around six.

“Oh, you’re a dream!” She pulled you into a hug. “I’ve been desperate to go run some errands without Lizzie tossing stuff in the cart…”

“No problem,” you smiled. “Happy to take the girls.”

They sang Britney Spears on the top of their lungs the whole drive home and practically hurled themselves into the pool the second they were in the door. You just laughed, going to sit outside to watch them play, bringing your book to keep you occupied. You’d almost survived the first week of summer. You hadn’t caved and tried to fuck Joel again. You could do this. You were almost positive.

***

Joel heard the shriek of girls in the backyard the second his truck door opened. He sighed and shook his head. So Sarah had conned you into having a friend over, even after the party. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised. He just hoped to God you weren’t in the pool, too. He didn’t think he could take that.

He was surprised he’d survived as long as he had. He’d missed you the second he left your apartment the day he helped move you in. Regretted cutting things off with you almost instantly. It seemed like the right thing to do but it felt wrong. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this fucking alone.

If Sarah had been at a friend’s house that night, he’d have just shown up at your door. The only thing that stopped him was the fact that he couldn’t leave his 10-year-old daughter unsupervised. He wanted to apologize to you, beg you to give him a chance. He’d get down on his knees, he didn’t care.

But just because he wanted that didn’t mean that it was the right thing to do. It would be confusing for Sarah if it didn’t work out - and how could it work out? You were 21 and a college student with a bright future, he was 32 and his life hadn’t been his own in a decade. Sarah had kept him close to home, reminded him of what he should do. What he had to do.

Then, summer started. You were there in the morning as he tried to get out the door, you were there at night when he got home. He knew you weren’t trying to turn him on - if anything, you were avoiding him like the plague. You’d hardly said two words to him since Monday. But your legs in those shorts, your breasts in those dresses, the ribbons you put on the ends of your braids when you were trying to keep your hair off your neck in the heat. You were so soft and sweet and fucking good and there in his house and he knew how it felt to be inside you…

You’d better not be in his fucking pool.

You weren’t. But it was almost worse. You were laid out on a lounge chair on the deck, your back to the door, in white shorts so short he was sure he’d see your ass if you bent over in front of him. Your pale purple tank top clung to you and he could see a hint of a pink bra strap below. You were reading a book in French - because of course you were reading a book in fucking French - and there were ribbons on the ends of your braids. Your nails were pink. He was sure they hadn’t been pink when he saw you this morning. You’d painted your goddamn nails. Why had you painted your goddamn nails?

“Dad!” Sarah clambered out of the pool in the new suit you’d helped her find. You noticed him then, not having realized he’d gotten home. “Thank you so so so so so so so so much, the party was SO fun…”

She threw her wet body against him in a hug.

“Glad you had fun,” he gave her a squeeze and glanced down at you. You were watching him, shielding your eyes from the sun with your hand, smiling gently. “She behave herself?”

“Of course,” you said, gathering up some scrap paper from the table beside you and putting it in your book. One piece of paper looked like it had a phone number on it. Joel frowned. “It seemed like everyone had a blast, no trouble at the party whatsoever.”

“Good,” Joel said. Whose number did you have? Was it some fucking boy’s? Was that why you’d painted your damn nails? You checked your watch.

“Lizzie’s mom should be here any minute,” you said, getting up from the chair and crossing your arms over your body. Like that was going to stop him from remembering just what you looked like naked. “You’re home a bit earlier than I expected. I can hang out for a bit until she gets here, I don’t want to saddle you with watching an extra kid…”

“No, you go on home,” he waved you off. He couldn’t handle you being here any longer than you had to be. “Get a start on the weekend.”

“You’re sure?” You asked, absently running your fingers over your elbow.

“Yeah,” he smiled.

“Thanks,” you smiled tightly back at him. “Have a good weekend, Joel.” You looked back to the pool, where Sarah had jumped back in. “Bye Sarah!”

“Bye!” She waved quickly before going back to splashing Lizzie. Joel watched you go until well after you’d closed the front door behind you and he couldn’t see you anymore.

Margie came by to pick up Lizzie not long after you left, both adults required to herd both girls out of the pool.

“Would Sarah want to come sleep over?” Margie asked as the girls giggled and wrote new verses to songs Joel was sure he’d heard coming from the boom box in Sarah’s room.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to put you out,” he shook his head. “Feels like Sarah’s over at y’all’s place as much as she is here…”

“Honestly, it makes life easier on us,” she smiled. “Sarah’s such a great kid, she keeps Lizzie occupied so I can deal with her brothers. The boys are such a handful… don’t have twins if you can help it, Joel.”

“I’ll try my best,” he smiled. “If you’re really OK with it…”

“Really, you’d be doing me a favor,” she insisted. So Joel gave in. And he was home alone for the first time since he’d slept with you.

He showered and fucked his hand to the memory of making you cum in that shower. He sat on his bed, staring at his phone, telling himself not to call you. He dialed the first four digits of your phone number and then hung up.

After a while, he called Tommy.

“Shit, Joel, everything OK?”

“Why’s something gotta be wrong for me to call?” Joel frowned into the phone.

“Because it’s Friday night and you never fuckin’ call on a Friday night,” Tommy said.

“Well, I’m callin’ on a Friday night,” Joel pinched the bridge of his nose. “You doin’ anything fun tonight?”

“Why?” Joel could hear Tommy’s frown through the phone. “Gonna come drag the party down?”

“No,” he replied. “Sarah’s just at a friend’s house and I was thinking I should actually get out of my house for a change.”

“Hell yeah you should!” Tommy said. “I’m going to go listen to some music, should be just your speed…”

“I could do that,” Joel said. He hadn’t gone to listen to music in a while. That could be fun. It’d get his mind off you, at least.

“I’ll be by in 20, pick you up,” Tommy said, sounding excited. “This will be good for you, Joel. Promise.”

And that’s how Joel ended up at a bar in Austin, watching a bunch of fuckin’ kids tune guitars on a Friday night.

“We’re getting old,” Tommy handed him a bottle of Shiner. “I remember not showing up places like this until after 10. Now it’s not worth the cover charge if we show up that late.”

“Tell me about it,” Joel muttered, taking a swig. “Barely remember ever being that young.”

“When you were that young you had a kid,” Tommy said. Joel snorted. He was right.

They drank and watched as the bar filled up, the band switching to soundcheck not too long after they got there. Joel was actually starting to have fun when the band started playing - they weren’t bad - when he caught a flash of white out of the corner of his eye. He looked instinctively and thought, for half a second, that his eyes were playing tricks on him. But they weren’t. It was you.

You hadn’t seen him yet. You were wearing one of your dresses - one he hadn’t seen before, white and satiny and form fitting, stopping several inches above your knees. You’d put another fucking ribbon in your hair and curled it, making it look so full and soft. He wanted to tangle his fingers in it, he wanted to ruin it. You were wearing sandals with thick heels that made you taller and your legs look longer and there was gloss on your lips - he caught a glimpse of it when you turned to talk to the man next to you. A man who put his hand on your lower back. Fuck.

He guided you to a corner of the room, introduced you to the band waiting to play next. Joel could only see you from behind, the white of your dress reflecting the lights from the stage, the man’s hand slipping around your waist. His pinky drifted down, brushing the top of your ass, his thumb running over your ribs. Joel squeezed the beer bottle so hard he was worried it would break.

“Oh shit, that’s the Kid!” Tommy said, realizing where Joel was looking and getting down from his stool.

“No, wait,” Joel said, but he didn’t catch Tommy in time, his brother pushing through the increasingly crowded bar until he hugged you from behind. Joel could just watch, like a fucking train wreck, as you realized he was there and that Tommy was all but dragging you and your date over to their table. You said your polite goodbyes to the band and turned and said something to your date, your eyebrows knitted together.

“Look who I found!” Tommy said proudly, taking his seat again.

“Hey Joel,” you smiled tightly at him.

“Hey Kid,” he replied, taking a drink of beer. Fuck, your tits in that dress. He wanted to kiss you, starting at your lips and working his way down until his mouth was on your cleavage.

“This is Brad,” you said quickly. “Brad, this Joel. I nanny his daughter, Sarah.”

“Oh, so you’re the boss!” Brad smiled. He was abnormally tall, taller than Joel, with hair that looked like he was trying to be in a fucking boy band. He was all limbs, gangly, clearly never done a day’s hard work in his life. And he was out with you. He held out a hand. “Good to meet you.”

“You too.”

Tommy looked back and forth between you, your date and Joel.

“I need another beer,” he said quickly. “Kid, can I get you something? Joel? Brad?”

“I’ll take a Shiner,” you smiled.

“I’ll come with you,” Brad said, giving you a quick squeeze before looking to Joel. “Look out for my girl for a minute, will ya?”

“Yeah,” Joel said. He took another drink. Tommy and Brad left the table and you watched them go for a moment before turning back to Joel.

“I’m really sorry,” you said quickly, biting your lip. “I had no idea you’d be here, Brad’s roommate’s band is up next but we can go…”

“It’s just a bar, Kid,” Joel shrugged. “No reason for anyone to go anywhere.”

“Oh,” you deflated a bit. “OK. Thanks.”

“Yup,” he said, taking another drink. He needed to be a lot drunker than this. So much drunker than this. You watched the band, your head bobbing in time to the music.

“So you’re his girl now, huh?” Joel said after a moment.

“It’s our first date,” you said, tone sharper than usual. He deserved that. “I don’t know what I am yet.”

“Seems to think you’re his girl,” he replied.

“It’s a figure of speech, Joel.”

“You fucked ‘em yet?” He asked, taking another drink. He did it to be mean. He did it to push you away. He couldn’t just sit here with you this close, not like this. Your mouth fell open for a second before you fixed him with a glare.

“You don’t get to just ask me that,” you snapped. There were tears in your eyes, clinging to your eyelashes that were longer and darker than usual. “You don’t get to judge me for that. Just because you got bored with me doesn’t mean everyone has, I can fuck whoever I want. It’s none of your damn business!”

“One Shiner!” Brad slid his arm back around your waist, handing you one of the beers in his other hand. You took it from him, taking a drink while blinking back your tears. Brad hadn’t noticed but Tommy had, frowning and looking between you and Joel as he wordlessly set another beer in front of his brother.

“Thank you,” you sniffed for a second and smiled up at him before turning back to the table. “I think I want to get up closer to the band, but it was good to see you Tommy, Joel. Have a good weekend, guys.”

You laced your fingers in Brad’s and pulled him behind you toward the stage. Your body disappeared behind his, Brad pressing himself against your back. One of his hands moved around you. Joel didn’t want to think about the parts of you he was touching with that fucking hand.

“What the fuck was that, Joel?” Tommy demanded.

“What was what?” He asked, not looking at him.

“That!” Tommy snapped. “With the Kid! Don’t treat me like I’m a fucking idiot, what happened between you two.”

“Nothin’ happened.”

“Well I know that’s bullshit,” he said. “What happened to ‘she’s off limits?’ Or was that rule just for me?”

“She is off limits,” Joel growled. “She’s especially off limits for me.”

“She know that?” Tommy demanded.

“Drop it, Tommy,” Joel snapped, smacking the beer bottle down on the table with more force than he’d meant to.

“Did you seriously fuck your nanny?” He hissed at him. Joel winced. “Jesus Christ Joel. You’ve got a lot of fuckin’ nerve…”

“I swear to God Tommy I will lay you out,” Joel said. “Don’t fuckin’ tempt me.”

“What’d you do, convince her you loved her and then bail?” He asked. “Doubt a sweet girl like that woulda just jumped in bed with the dad of one of the kids she looks after, so what’d you tell her?”

“Tommy,” Joel growled.

“Was it before or after you told me she was off limits?” He demanded. “You worried I’d actually do right by her and she’d get wise to your shit? Just how drunk’d you have to get her to get her into bed with you?”

Joel snapped. He stood up so fast the stool flew to the ground with a crash and he punched Tommy across the cheek, sending the younger man sprawling into the table next to him. It was like the whole bar froze. The band stopped playing, an eerie silence falling. Joel flexed his hand as his brother staggered back to his feet, holding his face.

“You’re a fuckin’ asshole, Joel,” he said, breathless.

Joel looked up and immediately found your face in the crowd around the stage. Brad’s arms were around you, holding you back. Your eyes were wide, your mouth open in shock. Or maybe horror. He couldn’t quite tell.

“C’mon man,” a bouncer grabbed Joel’s shoulder but he shrugged it off.

“It’s cool,” Tommy glared at Joel as he said it. “Just my brother. He’s a dick. We’re goin’.”

Joel walked straight past Tommy’s truck, shoving the hand he’d hit him with in his pocket.

“Where the fuck you goin’ asshole?” Tommy yelled after him. Joel ignored him. Tommy ran and caught him, his hand on his shoulder pulling him around to face him. Joel got ready to punch him again but Tommy’s hands went up. “Don’t make this worse than it is. You want some meddling asshole to call the fuckin’ cops?”

Joel dropped his fist, glaring at his brother.

“You made a goddamn fool out of yourself,” he said, his cheek already bruising. “And you fuckin’ deserved it. The hell were you thinking, messing with that girl?”

Joel didn’t say anything, just went back and climbed in the passenger seat of Tommy’s truck.

The drive to Joel’s was silent and he hoped that was the end of it. But it wasn’t. Of course it wasn’t. Tommy followed him inside, either stupid as hell or itching for a fight.

“What happened, Joel?” He asked, voice calm for the first time since the bar. “With you and her.”

“Sarah was at a friend’s place,” he said, voice pained. “We had some wine… Fuck, Tommy, I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

“Shit,” he sighed, sitting on the couch. “When was this?”

“Few weeks back,” Joel muttered.

“And she’s still working for you?” Tommy asked. Joel just nodded. “And nothing’s happened since?”

“No,” Joel said.

“Because you’re not interested?” He asked. Joel glared at him. “Yeah, thought that might be the case.”

“Don’t matter how I feel about it,” he sighed. “She’s too young, too big a future ahead of her to get bogged down with me. And Sarah… Sarah fuckin’ loves her. I couldn’t ruin that for her just because I couldn’t keep it in my pants and I…”

Joel went quiet.

“And you what.”

“I think… I think I love her, Tommy,” Joel groaned. “I just want her here all the damn time. Want to hear her voice and see her things and smell her hair. I want her leaving her fuckin’ hair in my damn shower every day, I kept finding it for days after and I miss it. Keep hoping I’ll find more sometime. And that guy… He didn’t seem bad, not like that last fuckin’ guy but I don’t trust him, don’t trust any of them, not with her.”

“You can’t live like this, Joel,” Tommy said quietly. “Obviously. You can’t just go punching people because you’re a jealous asshole. You either need to get away from her entirely - which means cutting her out of Sarah’s life, too - or you need to figure your shit out. Either get over her or get with her - if she’ll still have you.”

Tommy stood up, clapping Joel on the shoulder.

“Sorry I hit you,” Joel muttered.

“Rather get punched in the face than deal with the shit you’ve got goin’ on,” Tommy smiled a bit. “You’ll get it together.”

“Thanks.”

He walked him out, locking the door behind him.

Joel wasn’t any calmer when Tommy left. He paced the living room for a bit before stepping out back, staring down at the pool, the place he’d stood the first time he’d kissed you. You were so fucking beautiful. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been quite as happy as that night, felt quite so right with the world. He knew he should regret it but he couldn’t, he couldn’t bring himself to regret a damn thing when it led to touching you.

“Fuck it,” he muttered, going back inside and grabbing his keys.

He made it to your place in less than 10 minutes, driving faster than he should have. Your car was in the lot but that didn’t mean much if you were still out with that guy. Or - fuck - what if you’d brought him back here. Didn’t matter, he’d made up his mind. If the guy was in your apartment, he wouldn’t punch him. It’d be hard, but he wouldn’t.

He took the stairs up to your door two at a time and started knocking before he came to a stop in front of it. But there was no response. He tried knocking again. Nothing.

Joel leaned out over the railing, around to where the windows to your apartment would be. All the lights looked to be off. So you were still out with Brad. Maybe you’d gone back to his place. After what he’d said to you that night, he wouldn’t blame you.

He sat down, back against the wall next to your door, crossing his arms and leaning his head back against the siding. He closed his eyes. He’d just be here when you got home. You’d have to come home sometime. He could wait. For you, he had all the time in the world.

Luckily, he didn’t have to wait that long. He heard you before he saw you.

“It was nuts, Cass,” you were trying to be quiet as you climbed the stairs to your apartment. “I don’t know what the hell happened. I tried to explain it to Brad but I have no idea what he thinks. Probably that my boss is insane…”

You were at the top of the stairs now, holding your phone to your ear with one hand, a small orange and white Whataburger cup clutched tight in the other. You stared at Joel for a second.

“Cass?” You said, still staring at him as he got to his feet. “Call you in the morning.”

You flipped the phone shut, putting it in your bag and getting out your keys, watching Joel the whole time like you thought he was a wild animal who could do something unhinged at any moment. Which, he figured, was fair.

“You’ve got some nerve,” you said, keeping your eyes on him as you went to your door and put the keys in the deadbolt, stopping short of opening it.

“I know,” he said. “Can we talk?”

You watched him for a moment before you sighed and opened your door, welcoming him in.

#joel miller x reader smut #joel x reader #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #fanfic #smut fic #joel miller x you #angst

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midnightkens · 5 months ago

Text

am i bad, or mad, or wise?

NSFW

TW for mentions of domestic violence

Life is easier with Patrick out of town.

Ken breathes a sigh of relief when Patrick slides into the Lyft. He stands on the front steps and watches as it drives down the street and turns around the corner. Going, going, gone. Finally. Patrick will be gone for a full week, some hot shot conference in Seattle.

He's pretty sure the conference is a farce. For all that Patrick accuses him of cheating, his own Grindr account sure is active. Each notification's chime is a taunt, a cruel barb that screams you're fucking worthless!

Worthlessness tucks its cruel tendrils into every fiber of his being, every scrap of confidence he'd gained ripped from him as quickly as it came. Most days when Ken looks in the mirror, he doesn't recognize the face staring back at him. His face is pale and drawn, constantly pinched in agony. It makes the dark circles under his eyes stand out. And his eyes?

They're lifeless.

But when he gets out of the shower, he notices a tiny spark in them. For seven days, he can be free. And if Patrick wants to cheat on him, then so be it. So long as the bastard comes back clean, Ken's decided that he no longer cares.

He has Colt.

Maybe it's an emotional affair. Maybe it's a deep friendship toeing a dangerous line. Whatever it is, Ken knows one thing: he feels alive. Colt is his best friend, and he's desperately in love with the other man. They have their inside jokes, stolen stares, touches that linger just a little too long. Ken wants to make him happy, yearns to come home to him every night and watch trash television.

Colt's coming over for dinner tonight. Ken's done waiting.

Tell Colt you're in love with him and start plotting your escape. Easy.

"It smells so good in here."

Ken turns and grins at the sound of Colt's voice, and he swears his heart skips a beat. Is this what it's like to actually have a crush? He wouldn't know. His past hookups were meaningless, and his relationship with Patrick...

It's been intense from the start, but Ken's never felt like this with anyone else. Not him, not Ryan, or any of his other guy friends. Just Colt.

Colt holds up a box. "I got dessert."

Ken smirks. "Store bought or did you actually try your hand at baking?"

"And burn down my apartment? No thanks. But hey, I went to an actual bakery this time."

"Oooooh." Ken turns down the heat on the stove and walks over to take a peek. Colt's already opening the box, and Ken licks his lips eagerly as soon as he sees the tiramisu. "Tiramisu, huh? How'd you know - "

"That it's one of your favorites?" Colt puts the box on the counter and smirks. "You've mentioned it once or a few hundred times. And I triple-checked. No cross-contamination. You dying would kind of put a damper on the night."

"How sweet." Ken deadpans. Colt's eyes flicker with amusement, and Ken can't keep the (probably dopey) smile off of his own face. For a moment, he forgets that Colt isn't his partner. That this isn't a date night, even if it feels like one. He envelopes Colt in a hug, and when he pulls away, the other man is staring hungrily at his lips.

Soon. Just wait a little while longer.

This is definitely a date night.

They're at the dining room table with veggie pasta, splitting a large bottle of Merlot. Colt's cheeks are flushed, his cheeks just a tad glassy. There's tiramisu waiting for them in the refrigerator. All that's missing are the candles and some music, but even for Ken, that would be pushing it.

Ken drums his fingers on the table. This is it. If he doesn't do it now, he'll never work up the nerve again. But what if he's been reading everything wrong? What if Colt laughs at him, thinks he's ridiculous, or runs for the hills? Deep breaths, Ken. This is kind of a date and he hasn't left yet. He takes a deep breath. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

Colt stiffens and lowers his glass. He's like Ken; he wears his heart on his sleeve, but the expression on his face is unreadable. His Adam's apple bobs, and bounces his leg so hard that the floor under Ken's feet shakes. "If you want me to leave - "

"I don't want you to go," Ken says quickly. "No. No, no no." Colt raises an eyebrow as if to say go on. "I like what we have. I really, really like it. I know it's really fucking weird and messy, but...I just want to be with you." The last sentence is a tiny, broken whisper, the first time he's uttered the confession aloud. Colt's expression remains guarded, but a flicker of hope quickly flashes across his face before it disappears. "I don't know how to get the fuck out of here." Ken gestures around the apartment. Patrick technically doesn't live here, but he's weaved his way into every corner of Ken's life. "I don't know how to leave. I'll figure it out. This isn’t just some stupid fling. I want to be with you."

Colt finally turns to face him. He's hesitant, but he slowly reaches out to grab Ken's hand. Ken takes it immediately. Colt's hand is warm, his fingers calloused. It feels right. Natural. Colt drains his glass and slides it back and forth on the table. "Do you really mean that? You like what we have?"

"Yes." Ken scoots forward so that their knees touch. Colt's breath hitches. Ken's heart begins to race. Can he feel the sweat on his palms? Probably, but he's kind enough not to mention it. "I really, really like it."

"So do I." Colt closes the gap between their lips, and Ken immediately deepens the kiss. He doesn't hesitate to thread his fingers through Colt's hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. Colt moans, raking his hands down Ken’s back, and Ken explores Colt's mouth. He tastes like Merlot and pasta sauce, the pasta sauce Ken made just for him. He catches the faintest whiff of vanilla cologne. Is it the one Ken got him for his birthday? Colt’s lips are warm and soft; Ken doesn't remember the last time he felt so connected to another person. He is warmth, safety, comfort, and Ken loves him.

He isn’t quite sure when they decide to stand and go back to the kitchen. All he knows is that he’s leaned up against the island, palms gripping the edge for leverage. Colt lightly traces a finger over Ken’s cock, hard and throbbing but trapped. Ken sighs breathlessly and slides his hands under Colt’s shirt, thumbs gently grazing over his hard nipples. He receives a needy whine in response, and Colt’s hands drop to his neck, leaving a trail of kisses before finding Ken’s sweet spot. Ken balls the hem of Colt’s shirt in his fist, and he feels Colt’s smirk on his skin.

"The second I saw you in that shirt, I wanted to tear it off of you." Colt growls and fondles his balls, and dammit, why are they still clothed? “I haven’t stopped thinking about how badly I want to bend you over and fuck you against the counter.”

“Jesus Christ,” Ken moans. His voice his desperate and high-pitched even to his own ears, but it only encourages Colt. His fingers dip below his waistband, and Ken shivers. In this moment, he would let Colt do whatever he wanted. He shouldn't. He should push Colt away, tell him that they can't do this; he's in a relationship. But Colt's lips are so soft, hands so gentle; every word that spills from his mouth is laced with adoration. It's been so long since anyone touched him like this.

Patrick broke his promises the first time he laid a hand on him. Fucking another man isn’t the worst thing Ken could do. But…

“You wanna fuck me over the counter? Well, I have a better idea,” Ken says with a devilish grin.

Colt's eyes darken when Ken guides him to the bedroom. They’re crossing a forbidden line, and Ken’s dick throbs at the image of Colt bending him over and fucking him on the bed he shares with Patrick. His breath hitches, and he fumbles with the waistband of Colt’s jeans. Colt’s hard, and fuck, his cock is perfect. It’s long and thick with a juicy vein up the middle, precum already leaking from the tip. Ken almost drops to his knees, eager to take Colt into his mouth, but Colt hooks a hand under his thighs and hoists him up.

They fall onto the mattress, and Colt makes quick work of Ken’s jeans. He tosses the garments to the side, pupils wide, eyes drinking in the sight of him. Ken pushes himself up and captures Colt in a languid kiss.

“You have freckles on your nose.” Colt’s voice is nothing more than a wonder-filled whisper. “Fuck. You’re so beautiful.”

It’s been a long time since someone told him that, since anyone stared at him with such reverence. Colt always knows what to do, what to say. Where was he two years ago? “I love you.” Ken swallows. Maybe it’s not the best time for a love confession, but Ken’s always been impulsive. He half expects Colt to laugh, look at him with disgust and leave, but he doesn’t. He cups Ken’s face in his hands and rests his forehead on his.

“I love you, too.”

Ken stares at him, eyes wide with wonder. He’s been fantasizing of this moment for months, has imagined it in his darkest moments, saw it play out in his dreams every night. It’s better than any fantasy his desperate brain has ever conjured. There’s a desperate yearning to hear the words again and again, but Colt kisses him again, slow and gentle.

For the first time in years, Ken feels special.

“And you’re sure you want to do this?” Colt asks softly. “Because I - “

“I want to,” Ken says with a firm nod.

Colt relaxes. Ken shivers as Colt slides a finger inside of him, working him open slowly. Ken rocks against his fingers, eyes fluttering shut. It’s a far cry from Patrick putting in just enough effort to make sure he doesn’t bleed. Colt’s fingers are calloused yet soft, rubbing in all the right places and taking note of every curve in his body.

Still, Ken’s needy. He whines and claws at the bedsheets. “C’mon. Stop torturing me, will ya?”

Colt laughs. “I could go slower.You’re beautiful like this, you know. All spread open, and it’s just for me.”

“Just for you.” And it’s true. He hasn’t been like this for Patrick in a very long time. But for Colt? He’d do anything he asked, anytime, anywhere, give Colt every piece of himself.

Colt lines himself up, and eager whimpers escape Ken’s lips. Colt smirks as he pushes himself inside, slow and gentle. Is he doing this to torture Ken, or just because he’s nice?

Both. Definitely both.

Colt finds a rhythm, and Ken rolls his hips in response. Colt groans and Ken pushes himself onto his elbows, capturing him in a messy kiss. He cups the back of Colt’s head, not breaking eye contact when he eventually pulls away. The other man smirks, and without hesitation, takes Ken’s cock in his hand. He slowly strokes from base to head, smearing the steadily leaking precum around the flushed tip.

“If you keep that up,” Ken pants, hips bucking off the bed, “I’m gonna - “

“I know.” It occurs to him, then, that it’s exactly what Colt wants. He wants to see Ken fall apart, shatter into pieces under his hand. And how could he not? Colt is so gentle, eager to see him come undone, and he hasn’t come undone in so long.

It’s a far cry from a quick fuck that leaves Ken hard and desperate, from jerking off in the bathroom and praying that Patrick doesn’t wake up.

Heat builds in his spine. He drinks in the sight in front of him, Colt buried deep inside of him, skin flushed, a sheen of sweat glistening on his forehead. His blue eyes are hazy and unfocused. Ken has never seen anyone so beautiful, not even in Barbie Land. Ken’s thighs begin to shake, and he throws his head back into the pillows.This is what he’s been missing out on.

Colt’s body looms over him. Ken turns his head, but Colt gently grabs his chin with two fingers.

“I want to see you,” he says, and Ken is gone. His body shudders and he scrabbles at the air, desperate for something to cling to. Eventually, his hands grab onto Colt’s shoulders, and from somewhere above him, Colt moans, thrusts becoming more erratic, and as Ken comes down from his orgasm, Colt buries his face in his neck. Ken holds him through it, murmuring praise, taking note of the tears dripping into the crook of his neck.

Colt collapses on top of him. He’s dazed, not quite ready to tether to the ground just yet. He rolls over and Ken notices the evidence of his release, ropes of white all over Colt’s chest. He takes the other man’s hand and gives him a fucked-out smile. “Hi.”

Colt snorts. “Hi? That’s all you have to say?”

“Relax. I’ll sing your praises later. Brain isn’t working yet.” Colt laughs quietly, and Ken leans forward to kiss him again, slow and chaste. When he pulls away, he threads his fingers through Colt’s hair. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Colt says quietly. In that moment, Ken pictures the rest of his life with Colt. He sees Colt moving into his apartment, surfboards and bonsai trees making his space feel more alive than it has in years. He imagines his cat Cheddar trying to terrorize Jean Claude, getting annoyed when she doesn’t get a reaction out of him. This could be his and Colt’s bed. He sees evenings in watching trashy television, cooking dinner together, building a life.

He can’t picture himself growing old with anyone else. And now he’s gone and made a tricky situation even worse. He swallows and squeezes Colt’s hand.

“I have no idea how yet, but I’m going to get out of here. I’ll figure something out.”

“I know. I trust you. We can come up with something together.” Colt yawns and sits up, rubbing his eyes. “Worry about it later. We should probably shower.”

The hot water streams down his body, and Colt shampoos his hair, hands digging into his scalp ever so slightly. Ken leans into the touch. He’s never felt safer with anyone else.

He has no clue when or how.

All he knows is that he needs out.

#stuntdoll #colt x ken #colt seavers #ken barbie #the fall guy #barbie 2023 #my fic #my writing #why yes i did already post this #but i got anxious and deleted it lmao #forget that tho i'm leaving it up

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pixel-percy · 11 months ago

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☕ Matthew Murdock's favorite barista happens to be his next-door neighbor & is now his girlfriend. They just can't get enough of each other. ☕

☕ Word Count: 1.4k ☕ Music Vibes: Seven by Jung Kook (feat. Latto) ☕ Warning(s): Smut (bj), sewing a wound, & mentioned blood ☕ A/N: Some light hurt/comfort because how could I not~ Also, normalizing spitting because not everyone has the capacity to swallow and it's okay if you don't fucking want to. That's that.

Tuesday

Matt sucked a breath through his teeth, a hissing sound prompted by the way the needle you held moved through a particularly tough part of his shoulder.

“Sorry, almost done,” you assured him.

“It’s fine,” he said. “More surprised that I felt it. Pain doesn’t really bother me.”

“So I’ve noticed,” you responded, trying to hide the tinge of worry behind a flirtatious tone. He chuckled, a small thing, and gripped the edge of the bed. Moments of silence passed between the two of you, the ebb and flow of the needle and thread keeping your attention focused.

This wasn’t the first time you’d done this for him in the last month—hell you hadn’t even known how to do it right that time without his directions—but you found your pokes more purposeful.

Ninja sword was the flavor of the night apparently, cut clean through his suit and hit his shoulder. Seeing him hurt twisted up your insides every time. He knew. In fact, he protested coming to you with his wounds in the beginning but your protests to the contrary were just a bit more convincing. You could trust each other and that was that.

“Your hands are steadier,” he whispered. A smile crept to the corners of your lips, appreciating the praise.

“I forget you can always tell.”

“Tell what?”

“How I’m feeling,” you said. “Even when I’m putting on a brave face.”

Matt breathed out another bubble of laughter, turning his head a bit so you could see his smile. In a way, it was comforting to know that he could tell what you were feeling most, if not all, of the time. Communicating feelings with a partner was always a struggle and, while obviously not perfect, this entire relationship was amongst the easier ones you’d dealt with. Horns and all.

“Alright,” you said, finishing up the stitches. “Done.”

Matt groaned in relief and straightened up his posture, winding his shoulders a little bit to release some of the pressure that had built up. You tucked the materials you’d been using back into the First Aid kit, gathering those with blood to be disposed of, and placed the kit back next to your bed. It was useless to place it anywhere else nowadays.

Your apartment was dark when you crossed the living room and into your open kitchen. The little bit of moonlight you were privy to and the light from your bedroom lit the way toward the trash can where you dumped all of the blood-covered items and such. With a quick scrub of your hands, you grabbed a glass of water for Matt and made your way back to the bedroom.

Matt was still at the edge of the bed when you returned. The top of his briefs peeked out of the top pants, which had been undone for a bit now, and when you approached an endearing smile crossed his lips. Even through your worry and want to care for him, the attraction you felt for this man was winning out again. You approached, stopping just in front of him, and offered the glass to him.

“Thank you,” he said, fingers grazing yours as he obliged and took a long sip. You couldn’t help but watch the way a loose drop trickled down his five o’clock shadow, down his throat, and settled on his collarbone.

“Anytime,” you said, voice soft and fond, hand on the crook of his neck now, playing with the hair at the base. Matt’s hand found the back of your thigh, the roughness of his skin pressing into yours, urging you closer. You obliged and he placed the glass down on the nightstand before his other hand found a parallel position on your other thigh. “Can I do anything else for you, Mister Daredevil?”

He chuckled at the nickname, your playful tone, and his hands slid up until they were settled just under your shorts. You stepped closer to him, knee rubbing semi-unintentionally against his bulge—finding him growing harder and harder by the second. Seemed he was feeling the same as you. He placed his chin at the top of your stomach, head angled upwards, and you couldn’t help but give his cheek an affectionate scratch.

“I think I just need to relax,” he muttered. Your hand moved from his cheek and up through his hair, tugging it ever so slightly. You were rewarded with a content little moan that you felt through your old tee shirt against your stomach where his neck had settled.

“I can help with that,” you assured.

“Can you?” he asked, intrigue prominent in his words. “You don’t have to.” You felt the sincerity in that statement, you knew it to be true, but it just made you want to do it more. Your head bent down so that your lips hovered just above his, skin touching for the briefest of seconds.

“But I want to,” you breathed and closed the space between you. It was sensual and deep. This time you both released a groan, Matt’s fingers digging even rougher into your thighs. You pulled away, a little reluctantly, and noticed how he chased after your lips, eyes fluttering open.

You lowered yourself until his hands moved to his knees and you were on yours. One of Matt’s eyebrows raised but he didn’t oppose.

“So this is what you meant,” he said softly.

“What’d you think I meant?”

“I dunno, maybe a bath?” he teased.

“Maybe after,” you said with a smile. “Now, relax.”

And he did just that. Matt leaned back, hands on the sheets behind him, and allowed you access to him. You grabbed the waistband of his pants, tactical material rigid as you tugged it down with his briefs, lifting himself a bit like you had the day prior. Before long he was free, erection before your eyes and waiting for the attention you were promising.

You maneuvered yourself to the perfect place between his legs, elbows resting on his muscular thighs, and took him in your hands. Matt’s breath hitched for a moment, invested in every movement you made.

You leaned forward, gathering the saliva building in your mouth and letting it fall onto the tip. You placed both hands around his shaft to work the liquid around it, his whimpers getting caught in his throat. When you were satisfied, you gently wrapped your lips around his tip, tongue teasing the underside.

Matt moaned—a drawn-out sound that spurned you on. He was a vocal lover, one of your favorite things about him, and it always made you feel confident in the way you took care of him. Despite the frustrations of being the partner of a part-time vigilante, watching him come undone by your tongue felt good —proud to stoke the fire of Hell’s Kitchen’s personal devil in your mouth. Revitalized.

You found your rhythm, a steady motion of your hands, mouth, tongue, breaths… and Matt was coming undone. His hand found your head but didn’t push, using it as an anchor to the world if you had to guess, fingers intertwined with your hair. Moans rolled off his tongue and settled in the air of your apartment. It wasn’t the loudest either of you had been but it wasn’t the quietest either.

“Louder,” you managed before sliding your mouth over the head of his cock again. He huffed, a sound he probably meant as a laugh, that transformed into a loud drawn-out moan that cascaded over your body. It made you shiver. He was getting close.

“Angel,” he rasped, pet name tumbling off his tongue.

“Mmhmm,” you answered, mouth not leaving him. Your tongue swirled and worked its way around the tip, shaft, and underside. There was a small stutter from him, an indication, and you readied yourself.

The tension in Matt’s body released all at once, coating your tongue and filling up your mouth. He fell back onto the bed when you released him, breaths heavy and staggered. You got to your feet, mouth full, and made your way to the bathroom.

You spat the viscous liquid into the running water of the sink, took a few swigs from the tap to rinse, and grabbed a nearby towel. The water streamed onto the material, warm, and you wrung it out a little before exiting.

“Well…” he said. “I’m much more relaxed now.” You chuckled and approached him with the towel. He gently took it from you.

“Good,” you said and laid down next to him. A few moments passed, quiet yet intimate, your fingers running along the bare skin of his arm just for some contact. You turned your head to him and examined his features, eyes closed, small beads of sweat on his forehead.

“So,” he whispered, head tilting toward you. “That bath still on the table for us?”

#matthew murdock #matt murdock #daredevil #marvel #matthew murdock smut #matthew murdock fanfic #matt murdock smut #matt murdock fanfiction #marvel smut #marvel fanfiction #smut #fanfic

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thatuselesshuman · 2 months ago

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How I get shit done in a way that works

For reference: I have many illnesses (some that now force me to use a cane in the short term) and autism

So I was cleaning my room today and I realized that I have a process of getting things done that may help some people, so here I am sharing it on ye ol Tumblr. Feel free to comment on it, disagree, add advice, and generally just yap cause I am in no way a professional

Anyways...

Step One: The most important step

As the title says, this is the most important step. This step starts with putting on a banger playlist or an audio book or anything that'll get you in the zone. This is important cause if it's not a vibe I'm not gonna do it.

The second part of this step is knocking out the easiest thing that'll make the most difference. Using me cleaning my room as an example, I packed up the large pile of clothes I have to donate that was covering a lot of my floor. It only took like five minutes and it made my room look a lot less messy. This is important because I typically have a hard time starting a project because I think of all of the things I have to do, the time it'll take, and I'll get overwhelmed and just not do it. Knocking something out that makes the task seem way less daunting and therefore allows me to start.

Step Two: Break it up

The next step is to break up the rest of your tasks into small but not menial tasks. Using the same example, I broke up my room into: pick up shoes, pick up dirty clothes, pick up trash, put shoes into the shoe cubby, put away any other miscellaneous items, hang up clothing, and vacuum. These tasks are doable but still make a difference in the cleanliness of my room, which motivates me to get to the next task. If the task is too small, it seems daunting to the rest because you can't see them making a difference. If the task takes too long, you'll quickly get discouraged because the amount of time it could take to do the rest seems like forever.

Step Three: Give yourself grace

I lied, this may be the most important step. After every task, you have to allow yourself to quit if you want to. Even if you only get the first step done, you must allow yourself to quit if you feel the need. If you force yourself to keep chugging on despite being overstimulated, tired, etc, then the task may get done in the short term but you'll be way less likely to ever even start next time. If you get overwhelmed after the first step, then that's fine. You can try again tomorrow or in an hour or two. Forcing yourself isn't the answer.

Plus, I find that after I get into the swing of things, I don't want to quit. Very rarely do I find myself quitting after the first, second, or even third step. Sure, occasionally I'll have a rough day and I'll quit early on, but then I'll just try again. Living in your body isn't a 100 meter dash, it's a marathon, which means you can't go 100% the entire race or else you'll never finish.

Step Four: Reward yourself

Once you accomplish your goal, reward yourself. It doesn't have to be anything big. For example, after I finished cleaning I rewarded myself by making my favorite dish for dinner. When you reward yourself, it allows yourself to feel accomplished and happy with the outcome. You'll remember that feeling next time, which will make it all the more easier to start.

TL;DR: You got this! You've gotten this far. You've lived too damn long to be bested by something like this. Tackle that task, I believe in you!

#tips #adulting #advice #autism #autistic adult #autistic things #illness #sickness #chronic illness #life advice

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universallyrunawaypuppy · 1 year ago

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Piece of glass

(you can also find my stories on Wattpad)

(WARNING: NSWF, MINORS ARE NOT WELCOME)

-pet names, praising, relationship Konig, softDom Konig-

1,6K words

It was the first 3 days Konig spent with you since he arrived from his mission; it had been a difficult mission so he would be able to stay at home more than usual. You had gone 3 months without seeing him and being still in your honeymoon phase, Konig missed no opportunity to show you how much he missed you.

The first two days you were not able to get out of bed, on the third day, however, you had decided to take a "break" even though you were not sure you could hold out. It was late afternoon, you wanted to have a movie night, having always been a lover of vintage and movies you couldn't help but watch it on DVD; however, before the movie started, you decided to make something to eat and while Konig was sitting on the couch waiting for you under the covers, you were popping popcorn in the microwave, in the meantime you came up with an idea that would lead to a consequence you wouldn't mind: red wine.

The two of you were of the opinion that opening a bottle of red wine didn't require a special occasion or being fancy, in fact as you were trying to reach for the glasses on tiptoe, your shorts were slipping down showing the elastic of your bow-tied panties, and certainly, the tank top you were wearing didn't help to buy you any better. With your hand outstretched upward and on tiptoe you managed to touch the edge of the glass and tried to bring your fingertips closer to the rim for an easier grip, but just as you were about to reach for it konig came into the kitchen "Hey Honey, all-" he didn't have time to finish the sentence that you gasped in fright and the crystal glass slipped to the floor breaking into a thousand pieces, and as icing on the cake the microwave began to beep making you gasp even more.

Konig immediately came to your rescue "bunny, are you hurt? you are barefoot, let me give you a hand" he said taking you by the hips without any effort and moving you to the part of the floor without glasses "love you shouldn't go around without slippers, you could really hurt yourself" he said holding you by the forearms, although you were not listening to him at that moment busy thinking about his big hands that were holding you up. You were getting wet again and he wasn't doing anything provocative. When he went to retrieve a broom you bent down on your knees and began picking up the larger pieces of glass with your bare hands. On the way back konig found you with your hand full of crystal pieces and scolded you "you must listen to me when I speak, I say this for your own good baby, I don't want you to get hurt." He said as he gently removed the crystal pieces from your palm and threw them in the trash. "get up" he said in his usual cold tone. he was not angry, just annoyed that you were being stubborn. As he swept away all the shards of glass you stood still behind him, hands behind your back, like a good girl, watching his every move. When he finished cleaning up, he went to put the broom away but you stood on all fours with your cheek on the floor to see if any more little shards had gone under the oven, konig came back and found you in that position, with your shorts peeking out of your panties from underneath and your tank top pulled up, you didn't notice his return, after all, he was a man used to being quiet despite his stature.

When he found you in that position he groaned and leaned down to grab you by the hips and lift you off the ground, he put you on his shoulder as if nothing was wrong and dragged you to the living room. he threw you on the couch, gently, and said still standing at the side of the couch "okay, you've been tempting me all day and now I'm tired, so now you take it and shut up. " he said in a lower voice than usual, with a tone full of lust and eagerness, his eyes showed the same.

He got on top of you but without lying down, ran his big fingers over your belly and then went over it again from under your tank top. Slipping down he pushed the elastic of your yellow shorts with him, revealing your white panties with the pink bow; They were his favorite, because they made you look so pure, so untouchable...so virgin, even though you were anything but and he could confirm that. As soon as he saw your little panties, now wet, he grunted again and closed his eyes, as if trying to hold himself back from something. "lkleiner Engel what are you doing to me" he said on your lips just before kissing you, in that state konig couldn't close his eyes, he wanted to watch every little aspect, every little movement you made and take credit for it. The kisses became more passionate and wet and were dragged from your lips to your jaw where they then went to your neck. You were a mess, your hair already tousled, your turgid nipples trying to stand out from your tank top, your lips swollen and red as your hands caressed his still-covered chest. He let out involuntary moans now and then, and you began to feel a presence on his bare thigh.

"Kon...ah...I want...I want you please" you moaned in a whisper, you weren't even sure if he would hear but he, attentive to your every movement, heard just fine and smiled "patience bunny, you have to be patient" he wanted to spite you, but you in that state barely knew your name; then a thought crossed your mind, how did he with just kisses make you so needy, like a little whore, shame took over and he noticed, it wasn't the first time it happened to you. "hey, baby, take it easy, remember to breathe, I'm staying here, I'm not moving" he said as if he had read your thoughts, you relaxed your muscles and let him.

Your thighs and opened automatically when he came to kiss your belly button. the thing that made you lose your mind more than anything was how he kept his gaze on you while you struggled to even breathe.

As soon as konig arrived on the fabric covering your core he carefully observed the wet spot and put his tongue on it, applying a tiny bit of pressure to your center and causing you to close your eyes. but just then konig said "eyes on me baby" which more than a warning at that moment felt like a threat.; He wasted no time in gently sliding your panties down and opening your legs with his hands, which as you tried to close he seemed to maintain without any trouble.

His hungry eyes watched your dripping center and he blew on it, the sensation sent shivers all over your body causing you to push your head back on the pillow; He slipped his tongue through your folds going everywhere except your clitoris, to your annoyance, you felt his hot, hungry tongue in places you didn't know you had, but all that wasn't enough, you wanted more, you wanted him. "Konig, I want you...n-no" you tried to explain but he interrupted you "you've been naughty today, I wonder if you have permission to come", you closed your eyes instantly, squeezing them tight, you needed him more than anything in that moment; "please...I-I'll be a good girl, I promise" you said, trying to lift your head to look at him.

While you were talking, he stopped to observe you from below, smiling at your behavior and observing your every slightest movement, taking credit for it; then he sank into your folds continuing to grope your clit, lightly touching it with his tongue and causing you to moan a little, that verse sent Konig out of his mind and he started sucking your clit right away, strong and hungry. You let out strangled sounds as you gripped the couch with your hands, your legs begged to be closed but Konig had no intention of doing so, he ate you as if you were his last meal, hungrier than ever. He too, while devouring you, let out small roars. Soon you felt butterflies in your stomach, you arched your back and konig wasted no time placing a hand on your belly as he continued his meal, even though he was focused on your center, he noticed all your movements.

Your eyes closed as you felt something approaching your center, your legs began to tremble and every movement he made seemed much more amplified "I-I'm about to c" you didn't have time to finish the sentence before you released all your pleasures on his mouth, pleasures that he obviously didn't waste but enjoyed with hunger.

After a while you calmed down, your back rested on the sofa and your legs stopped shaking, the spasms decreased and your breathing became regular again. You finally saw your boyfriend's face, with his lips swollen, red and wet. He stood up as he smiled at you and said "my turn, engel"

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Hi! Sorry to interrupt your reading, this is the first one shot that I've ever wrote, tell me what you think, I'll appreciate it very much. Be, also, brutally honest but without being vulgar or stuff. Thanks, little ribbons, have a great day!

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444princesa · 11 months ago

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how to get your room organized and keep it organized

i understand organizing can be intimidating so i wanted to write a little guide to help.

clean your area

clean off surfaces, make your bed, pick up anything on the floor, throw away trash, etc. you'll probably do this again but this pre clean will help the post clean alot easier

if you need to wash your clothes or sheets, do that while you clean, gather everything you need to clean as well.

declutter / organize

start by sections of your room

closet

if you start with your closet, take all your clothes out and have three sections. keep, maybe and donate. organize your clothes by type and color, so short sleeve by color, long sleeve by color. put away any summer or out of season clothes you still have out and while you are at it, sort out your out of season clothes as well. organize your closet with bins, closet organizers and shoe racks if needed. for the maybe pile, hang them in the front of your closet so its the first thing you see when you pick an outfit, try to wear them the next time you get ready and if you dont feel confident in it, dont feel comfortable or you want to wear another outfit then its time to let it go. do the same for your dressers as well.

desk/vanity

declutter each drawer one by one. start with one drawer/ shelf and once you declutter and organize that drawer/shelf, move on to the next.

under bed

if you can keep under your bed space clear do that but if not, get some containers and organize whatever you need to put under there.

personally, i like to be a minimalist in my parts of my life. like my desk, i dont like having so much stationary. i dont use so much stationary for school and i have my essentials so i keep that. i dont buy more stationary unless i need to restock. for my wardrobe, im currently building my signature look but i also dont like to have an overstock of the same thing unless i know i will wear it and its my favorite thing. i keep surfaces as clear as i can but also having cute minimal decor.

keeping clean and organized

have a cleaning schedule you stick to, have a set day you wash and deep clean. tidy 5 minutes everyday. put away things that arent in their place, pick up whatever is on the floor, make your bed, fold and put away clothes as soon as its out the dryer. if you are watching a show or video and a commercial comes on, use it to clean. always take any dishes or trash when you go out of your room. wipe down surfaces every few days. doing these small up keeps will make deep cleaning easier.

#girlblogging #self improvement #it girl #pinterest girl #pink pilates princess

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askjingrandet · 7 days ago

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Jins Wisdom 3: Cleaning a Huge Mess.

Hey there everyone, it's another installment of Jin's Wisdom. Now I know what you're all thinking, Jin we've seen/heard about your factions office. Do you really think you're qualified to give cleaning advice? Yes, yes I do.

Now unlike Yves and Chevalier (surprisingly also Nokto) and how they do things I'm not talking about cleaning clean places. If you've got a nice tidy space that takes you less than 15 minutes to be guest ready nah this ain't for you. What I'm talking about is places in a real bad need of cleaning. The places so bad you have no idea where to even start.

Maybe you got injured or sick, maybe your mental health was struggling, maybe you had a baby or maybe your wife/husband left for a few weeks and now they're due back tomorrow and you have one day to do 2 weeks of cleaning, maybe you share an office with your brothers and every so often one of them forces you to clean the whole place because it ‘looks bad’ and is ‘dangerous’. Whatever the situation, this advice is a starting point for those types of cleaning situations.

Before I get into the specifics though, if you're struggling I want you to know it's okay to ask for help, professional or personal, even just some words of encouragement if that would help. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anything else. That said, let's get into how I do it and hopefully it helps somebody.

Gather up the very basic supplies you'll need. Broom/vacuum, garbage bags, some boxes/baskets. That's it for now we want to get it started, worry about dusting and all that later.

Pick a room/corner (not kitchen that has its own technique), start with an easier one that will go quickly so you can be encouraged by having something cleaned up quick.

Gather up all the dirty dishes you can see in the room and take them to the kitchen. Don't worry if you find more later it's ok, you'd be surprised how often we find plates hidden under stacks of paperwork in the office.

Now that the dishes are out, pick up all the big garbage or anything broken and toss it or recycle it. Don't worry about the chip crumbs or anything like that we're getting those soon.

Next pick up anything big/obvious off the floor that isn't the small trash, so things like toys, clothes, paperwork whatever it is. If it belongs in that room/area set it aside if not stuff it in one of the baskets keeping all of the same category together. I set the baskets on the sofa when Yves makes me clean so I don't have to keep bending down, don't want to hurt my back after all.

Now here is where your floor type matters, if you have carpet you need to do things differently because this is for wood/tile/vinyl/marble. What we do now is sweep everything into one big pile into the center of the area/room. Then we give the pile a look over, are there small objects that aren't trash like toys, gloves, cufflinks etc. If there is dig em out and put them in the proper basket. Once you're sure nothing is left just sweep it into a dust pan and toss.

With the floors done, do the same with any other surface that has stuff on it like desks or bookshelves, not sure why there was a sheath hidden behind some books that one time but…If there's anything like crumbs or something on these surfaces just wipe them onto the floor.

Next we're going to take the vacuum or broom again and go over the floor again, getting up the really fine or stubborn dirt we didn't get earlier along with all the crumbs and stuff we just wiped onto it.

Take those baskets to where whatever is in them belongs. So for example all the clothes go to the laundry area. I'd you want to tackle a second room/area go back up to step one, if not move to the last step.

This is the last step and it's to wash all those dishes you brought into the kitchen earlier, not all the dishes just those we brought in. My admin said this is a lot easier if you have a dishwasher to do it for you if not then we'll put on some good music.

With all of that done you're on your way! I know it's not doing everything like dusting, mopping, windows etc but as I said that's not what I'm going for with this. This is advice on how to do it when it's become so overwhelming it paralyzes you. At least with the very basics done, if you can keep on top of it for a while then you can slowly work up to doing the bigger tasks when you're ready.

Just take things one step at a time and don't overwhelm yourself, especially if you've been really struggling. Remember take care of you first otherwise nothing else is going to get taken care of, not properly anyways.

Miscellaneous Cleaning Tidbits:

Hand wash dishes by starting with the least dirty moving to dirtiest. So cups/glasses, utensils, plates/bowls then pots/pans.

If you don't like strong chemical cleaners, vinegar or lemon juice can be used instead. You can find loads of recipes out there for cleaning pastes and sprays using them.

Don't be afraid to wash your wood floors! Find a good product and follow its directions (my admin uses Murphy's oil) the floors will thank you.

Beat/shake out your rugs every so often, it's a great stress reliever especially if you pretend it's somebody you hate or are angry at.

Got dusty blinds? If they can easily come down, take them down, put them in the bathtub and pour water over them. Gets rid of the dust fast, just make sure to handle them gently, like you would if it was a beautiful woman. If they can't be taken down lay a towel under them and use a spray bottle with a bit of dish soap then rinse with another spray bottle of just water.

Rinse blood out of fabrics while still wet if you can it helps to not stain them.

Toss out or donate toys when your little kids are in school or gone away for a while. This way no fighting over them wanting to keep a toy they hadn't played with in six months just because they saw it again. This one was from my admin.

Don't mix cleaning chemicals!

Put on upbeat music, it will usually help and at the least won't hurt.

Open up your windows for a bit each day to get some fresh air in, weather permitting of course.

#jin's wisdom #jin grandet #jin rambles

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braveclementine · 5 months ago

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Chapter 29

Warnings: Angst, potentially controversial/sensitive topics

Copyright: I do not own any Marvel characters or locations. However, I do own my OC: Elizabeth Y/L/N (created so you don't get Y/N and Y/S/N consistently mixed up. I do not condone any copying of this.

IT WAS THE DELICIOUS SMELL OF BACON wafting through the house that woke you up. You blinked your eyes open and found that you were comfortably trapped underneath Thor's hulking body. His warmth radiated through you as the rest of the farmhouse was a bit cold. Frost licked at the windows and you wondered if it had snowed last night.

You poked Thor until he woke up and rolled off of you, then slipped out of bed to get dressed in something warm and comfortable. You stuck to a sweatshirt and some sweatpants, stuffing your feet in furry Uggs and headed down the stairs.

The table had been set with platters of eggs, bacon, sausage links, fresh fruits, pancakes, and hash browns, but the cook was no where in sight. Several of the Avengers had settled down around the table, helping themselves.

"Morning." You said as cheerfully as you could manage for eight forty-five in the morning.

"Morning." The others replied with various degrees of wakefulness.

As you passed Clint, you paused to pull hay out of his hair and toss it in the trash. He must've gone up to the hayloft at some point. You wondered when that had been.

"Who made breakfast?" You asked curiously as you helped yourself to the pancakes and bacon.

Steve shrugged, "It was ready when I got down here and I was the first down here."

"Must've been Elizabeth, if I had to guess." Rhodey replied. "It tastes the same way she makes it. I can taste the butter in the eggs."

You nodded. Elizabeth had come up with this trick where if you got the butter to boil in the pan when you scrambled the eggs, then the eggs would cook through so fast that they didn't have time to stick to the pans and the pans would be easier to clean. The result ended in the eggs being extremely fluffy, but also with a heavy taste of butter. It was a surprisingly good combination.

"Did she eat?" You asked and then realized none of them would probably know.

"No idea." Rhodey replied.

You nodded, looking out the window but you couldn't see anyone out on the farm. It still looked cold out, the sun behind the gray clouds and the windows were still foggy. This October weather was going to be a cold one.

You sat down next to Steve who was being somewhat quiet this morning.

As you neared finishing breakfast, Elizabeth finally stepped into the house. She was wearing her winter boots instead of cowboy boots, and had put on a thick hoodie and fingerless gloves. A gray hat with a pink pom pom on the end had been pulled down over her ears.

"Morning." She said easily as she headed past everyone to the kitchen.

"Aren't you freezing?" You asked after her in worry. "You'll catch frostbite."

Elizabeth grinned at you. "I don't feel cold anymore, remember?"

Damn, well that had to be nice.

"I should check that out later though." Tony added, a frown on his face and he reached out to take her hand. "Your hands are freezing. Maybe you can't feel the cold, but I'm worried your body still does."

Elizabeth smiled at him. "You can run your tests later. I've still got lots of morning chores to do and I've left Hogun to fend for himself with the chickens."

And then she was gone once more, slipping out the backdoor so that you could barely feel the cold wind come in for a split second.

"I wonder if the lake froze over." Natasha commented, looking at you. "Do you ever ice skate on it?"

"Every winter." You said, a smile coming on your face as you thought about all the past winters. "But it usually doesn't freeze over till mid- November."

"Ah, talking about the lake?" Your father limped into the breakfast room. His cheeks were tinged red and pink, so was his nose, a sure sign that he'd been outside as well. Not to mention the hardware boots on his feet and the red and black flannel jacket he was wearing. "I drove the truck across early this morning. You're good to skate on it."

"You drove. . . the truck across?" Wanda asked curiously.

"That's how we do it here." You grinned. "There's a larger lake in the middle of town. The firefighters drive their truck across to see if it'll hold the weight. If it can cross, then you're good to go."

"I believe that is highly dangerous." Vision replied.

"That's how we do it." Your father shrugged, sinking into his chair with a wince. You were very good at ignoring his injury, because that was how he wanted it. He didn't want attention on it.

"They used to do something similar in our town." Sam said. "In the winter, the lake would freeze over and they'd send the firetrucks out. Course, they got rid of that eventually, but I know they did it till I was at least ten."

"So, Y/N, I don't suppose you have any superpowers that you want to tell me about?" Your father asked you bluntly.

You nearly choked on your bacon. "W-What?"

"Elizabeth and I talked. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Your father replied, staring at you.

"Yeah, no, I'm fine." You replied, blushing. Your dad was a great man, but something he didn't always realize that not every conversation had to be shared in public. There were some things that needed to be kept private. But with him growing up in a small gossip town, that probably didn't seem important anymore. "What'd she tell you?"

Your father suddenly straightened up in his chair. "Well, nothing much really. Just that she was at fault for underestimating the city. Said she had gone for a walk and turned her back for to long and got nabbed. Said that there was this crazy organization that just wanted to test superpowers on her and then sent her back."

You blinked. Either he was editing, or Elizabeth really hadn't told him the full story. But why? Why had she left out the club, the fact that she'd run out because she was having a panic attack from the claustrophobia, that it wasn't her fault at all, that they'd taken her because of Steve?

Your father sighed, "But I'm guessing she didn't tell me the full story judging by your faces."

You looked around and saw that the others looked just as shocked or confused as you. "Well, she might've left a couple of details out. It wasn't her fault though."

"It wasn't her fault at all." Tony replied sternly. "If anything it was ours. We dropped our guard in public after dark and that was something we should never have done. And I admit I didn't keep a good eye on her."

Your father nodded, "Well, I can respect a man that owns up to his actions. I believe that you are no longer negligent towards her?"

"No, I am not." Tony replied firmly. "She gave me a second chance and I love her as much as I love Y/N."

You blushed and your father nodded. "Good. Now then, let's eat."

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

ELIZABETH HAD TAKEN MOST OF THE others on a tour of the farm. Steve and Bucky had gone into town with your mother to help her with some shopping stuff. You and Loki were the only ones not with anyone else.

You weren't entirely sure how it had ended up being you and Loki. The two of you were curled up together in the house, in the basement. It was colder down there, but private and he'd grabbed a thick quilt to wrap around you.

You were falling asleep in his lap when he brought up the conversation, "Did you know about Elizabeth. . . when she was in your mothers womb?"

"What do you mean?" You asked sleepily. You'd almost fallen asleep in his lap when he'd spoke. "Like did I know I was getting a sister?"

"No." Loki said and paused. You blinked your eyes open to see that he looked troubled.

"Oh, is this another conversation like Thor's where I'm supposed to try and convince my mom not to get an abortion?" You grumbled.

Loki hesitated and said, "No, not really. Thor did talk to me, but I wonder sometimes. . . No, I was wondering if you knew that your mother almost aborted Elizabeth."

You sat up straight, looking at him. "What?! How do you know that?"

"Elizabeth told me last night when I went to comfort her." Loki admitted, playing with the edge of the quilt. "And from the sounds of it, she told Clint last night as well."

Clint?

"And Steve overheard." Loki sighed.

You wondered if Thor had known. If that was why he'd brought up the idea of Elizabeth killing herself and how you'd feel. You shoved those thoughts away.

"But she decided not to kil- to get rid of Elizabeth." You replied.

"Because your father finally won the argument." Loki sighed. "I wonder. . . what do you think you're life would've been like without her?"

You thought about it. Or at least, you tried. You couldn't really remember a time when Elizabeth wasn't there. But there were faint memories of when she wasn't there. Where your parents actually looked like they loved each other, where all three of you were content and happy. You could remember events when Elizabeth had stayed home from stuff, from sickness usually or homework or a chore on the farm when she got old enough to do them. The three of you were always so. . . happy.

You felt tears brim your eyes at the horrible confession inside your heart and you looked up through your lashes at Loki, "We would've been happier."

"Would you?" Loki mused, hugging you closer to wipe your tears away. "I don't think you would have. Maybe as a family Y/N. I can't deny that, I've seen the proof and both you and Elizabeth have admitted it. Your family would've been happier. But what about you? If there was no Elizabeth to fill in for all of the chores, to take care of the farm. Don't you see?"

Loki's voice was soft and persuasive, occasionally kissing your tears away. "Don't you see Y/N? Elizabeth's birth freed you. You have the life that you wanted because Elizabeth was born to take your place on the farm."

You knew it was true. You hated the farm, you hated chores, you hated the work and effort that had to go into it. And Elizabeth truly had been born to fill in that spot.

"Now what if," Loki whispered softly in your ear as he pulled you into a hug. "what if your brother freed her?"

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

DINNER WAS SO TENSE THAT NIGHT IT could've been cut with a butter knife. The conversation was attempted to be kept up in an easy flow and for the most part, it seemed normal. Your father was extremely relaxed, though Elizabeth seemed a little out of it. Your mother had arranged the table and she'd found herself between Steve and Sam. You could tell she was trying to make an effort with Steve, but finally gave up and gave all her attention to Sam.

You had really never gotten an answer from the Captain about why exactly he was avoiding her. But you had long given up in trying to get an answer out of him and Bucky.

"I have something to tell everyone here." Your father said.

You tensed immediately, shooting your dad an exasperated look and he smiled. "You can all relax, it's good."

You didn't relax.

"I understand the customs that are normally supposed to take place, however, I feel my second daughter has gone long enough in waiting. Hogun came to me today and I've granted them the permission to marry here on Earth. Along with Masters Loki, Sam, and Tony. Those with full colour tattoos."

Elizabeth's face was one of shock, along with Steve and Sam. Tony just looked superior.

Your mother opened her mouth and you quickly said. "Congratulations, I'm really happy for you Elizabeth. You're going to have a beautiful wedding."

Your mother spun in surprise to look at you and Elizabeth stared at you with wide eyes like she didn't even know you. You were just slightly hurt, but also knew the last time she'd suggested getting married before you, you'd freaked and she'd frozen a coffee table.

"Thanks." Elizabeth said, blushing, staring down at the table. Your mother pursed her lips together.

"When will the wedding be?" Natasha asked.

"December 15th." Hogun said with a smile.

"Ah a winter wedding." You teased, wondering why the idea of your little sister getting married before you had ever been such a big deal. "Good luck with that little sis."

Your mother politely excused herself from the table and left the room. Your father was quick to follow and the rest of you stayed in conversation, mostly talking about wedding ideas.

Elizabeth excused herself after a moment and out of curiosity, you followed after a minute or two.

You wandered out of the kitchen and found her sitting at the bottom of the steps. The chatter in the kitchen had covered up your parents yelling at each other upstairs, the door closed. Your mother was shouting at your father for not waiting until you got married like you were supposed to.

"-WILL SOCIETY THINK OF US? OF OUR DAUGHTERS! THEY'RE SOULMATED TO TONY STARK FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY THINK OUR SECOND DAUGHTER CAN GET MARRIED FIRST! SHE'S SECOND FOR A REASON!"

"THE POLITE SOCIETY HAS NEVER DONE A DAMN THING FOR US! WHY SHOULD I DEPRIVE ELIZABETH OF WHAT SHE NEEDS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? SHE NEEDS THIS Y/M/N! SHE'S ALREADY BEEN REJECTED BY TWO OF HER SOULMATES. SHE NEEDS THE OTHERS RALLYING AROUND HER, SHE NEEDS TO FEEL THEIR LOVE."

Elizabeth looked up at you from the stairs. "Come to join the party?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" You asked.

"I didn't know Hogun had gone to dad." Elizabeth shrugged, "I had no idea he'd asked for me to marry him on Earth again."

"No. Not that. Why did you never tell me mom wanted. . . you know."

"Loki told you?" She guessed.

You stayed silent.

Elizabeth looked away. "Because I never wanted you to realize how much better you would've been off without me. I never wanted you to resent me like mom did. Because I loved you to much to let you realize you would've been happier without me."

You pulled her into a hug. A real one, one the two of you hadn't done for a long, long time. "My life would never have been better without you Elizabeth. And no," you gave a shaky laugh, "Not just because you do all the chores for me."

Elizabeth let out a shaky laugh too, a sob in her throat. She held onto you tightly and you let your own tears fall. "I love you Elizabeth. You're my little sister. And I'm sorry for all of your pain."

"Be my maid of honor?"

"Of course."

⬅️➡️

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