#or makes me feel a sense of disconnect and dissatisfaction

[purplepixel]

As long as things make sense later on, im willing to be there for the ride. If they dont...well i mean im still committed to finishing but Ill be salty over it. I was an mcu fan so things dont have to make 100% sense for me to enjoy but ill still be annoying about all the flaws.

"Idk what to call season 7" Staring at you and vibrating with questions. Thank you for the heads up. My expectations will prob be on the floor which means it can either stay the same or go up. Most time travel I have issues with unless its creating alternate realities cuz thats the only one people seem to get right (however ive also seen it messed up).

....

What. Was the point. Of "wrong place, wrong time".

Have i ever mentioned i hate time travel? Cuz I HATE TIME TRAVEL *screams into pillow*. No one does it right and nine times out of ten all it does is open up a big can of plot hole worms.

ARE YOU TELLING ME NO ONE REMEMBERS THE MEGA WEAPON? HUHHH??? HOW DID LLOYD AGE THEN. THE WEAPON IS THE REASON HE AGED. WHAAAAAA.

*cries*

Ill take the fast forward age thing over this. Now i gotta untangle the time travel shenanigans.

Also after watching that ep i was worried that something happened to nya, but i guess shes fine next episode. Idk, her disappearing after they destroyed the weapon in the past and then she doesnt show up in the last scene in the future had me 👀

Im sending this mid next ep but *falls over*

Please tell me the time travel stuff makes sense later?? Please?? 🥺

Uhhh I'm gonna be honest, I BARELY remember this episode. I don't really rewatch so I don't remember a lot of what goes on.

I think the main point was to destroy the mega weapon. Also, Garmadon's last ditch effort to not have to fight his son.

....you hate time travel? .......oh no... Well um. Good luck with season seven, The Hands of Time, aka, the time travel season. (It's my least favorite season for many other reasons so it's okay if you don't like that one haha) But yeah we get funky with time like four or five times in this show. It makes sense later though. Not this particular episode, but the other ones do. Mostly.

Look I don't know why no one remembers the mega weapon. Honestly I think eventually they do, the timeline just takes a minute to reset? Maybe??? Like I said I genuinely don't remember. But they all know Lloyd was magically aged up.

This one makes very little sense. It's a "change anything, change everything" cause and effect thing. One later is a "bifurcated time branch" situation. Idk what to call season seven. And then we have some other wacky things. Dang I'm sorry. I also understand hating time travel not being done well.

[astrow0rldx]

PAC TAROT: Shadow Work

Piles read left to right. Really use your intuition for which one calls to you to read. This Reading will be a little different, because it's ai generated. But hear me out, it's extremely accurate. I pull the tarot cards, and questions and it makes a story using automatic creative writing skills. In the story format it should help understand better.

Pile One

You present yourself as someone grounded and nurturing, someone who has it all together—capable, reliable, and a provider of stability. You wear this mask of self-sufficiency with grace, offering support and care to those around you. There’s a warmth to how you handle life, as if you’re always the one others can lean on. Yet, beneath this persona, there’s a quiet dissatisfaction, an emotional numbness that you don’t let others see. You feel disconnected, like something essential is missing, but you avoid acknowledging it, preferring to maintain the image of having everything under control.

Deep down, there’s a fear of rejection and abandonment that colors how you see yourself and your place in the world. This fear stems from past experiences where you felt left out or unworthy, perhaps from moments when you reached out for support and were met with coldness or lack. That sense of being shut out has led you to withdraw emotionally, burying your desires and vulnerabilities under layers of self-protection. However, this hidden wound shapes how you move through the world—it keeps you from fully expressing the vibrant, fiery side of yourself, the part of you that is bold, passionate, and fearless. While you project strength, this shadow lingers in the background, holding you back from fully owning your power.

Your shadow comes to the surface when you’re confronted by people or situations that reflect confidence and control, especially when they embody traits you’ve repressed. These encounters stir something inside you, triggering internal conflict as your shadow self clashes with the persona you’ve carefully built. The lesson in this struggle is to reconnect with your emotional core, to allow yourself to feel deeply and openly once again. Healing comes through embracing the tension, acknowledging that inner battles are a part of your growth. By working through this, you’ll move toward a more patient and nurturing relationship with yourself, where you invest in long-term growth and understand that healing is a process—one that requires steady effort and care.

Pile Two

She finds herself in a state of suspension, caught between holding onto control and surrendering to the unknown. Outwardly, she appears strong, composed, and authoritative, someone who takes charge with ease and thrives in an orderly world. She presents herself as the one in control, the one who always knows what to do. However, beneath this confident exterior, she’s struggling with uncertainty. She feels stuck, as if the answers she’s searching for are just out of reach, and in order to find them, she knows she must let go of the rigid expectations she’s placed on herself. She wears the mask of authority, but behind it, she is deeply uncertain, torn between what she knows and what she longs to discover.

At her core, she craves connection—a relationship where she can feel deeply understood and loved. There's a romantic within her, yearning for a bond that feels effortless and sincere, as if she’s waiting for that perfect emotional partnership. But she’s haunted by past disappointments, memories of love that didn’t turn out the way she hoped. This loss lingers, making her cautious about trusting her heart again. She often revisits those past moments of grief, wondering what went wrong and fearing that opening herself up to love again will lead to more heartbreak. As much as she wants love, the weight of her emotional past makes her guard her feelings, holding back from diving fully into new connections.

Her fears and vulnerabilities surface when emotions become overwhelming, or when she’s faced with situations that push her to move too fast. In those moments, she becomes protective, holding onto her feelings and resources tightly, afraid of losing control or being vulnerable. Her instinct is to cling to what she knows, but there’s also a deeper truth: her dreams and fantasies about what could be are not just idle thoughts. They reflect her true desires, the part of her that longs to break free from her hesitation and embrace all the possibilities that life offers. To heal, she needs to release the fear of losing control, to trust that even if things are uncertain, the journey ahead is rich with opportunities—ones she’s fully capable of seizing, if only she lets go.

Pile Three

She is moving through a period of transition, quietly distancing herself from past conflicts and emotional turbulence. Her journey, both literal and metaphorical, is one of seeking peace and clarity after enduring a storm. On the outside, she may seem calm, as though she’s finally found her direction, but the waters behind her are still unsettled. Internally, she is recovering from struggles, possibly with others or even within herself. The tension and discord she’s left behind still echo in her thoughts, making it difficult for her to fully let go. While she appears to be progressing, there is a quiet battle inside her, as if she’s constantly bracing for the next challenge.

Her internal struggle centers on patience and the need to balance her desires with the reality of what she’s building. She has invested time and energy into something—perhaps a relationship, a career, or personal growth—and now she waits, unsure of the outcome. There's a restlessness beneath her calm exterior, a feeling of competition, either with herself or with others. She yearns for stability and celebration, for a moment when she can finally relax and feel secure, but she is deeply aware that the foundation she’s working on still needs time to solidify. Emotionally, she is tied to the idea of love and partnership, but her past battles have made her wary. Love feels both close and distant, like something she craves but is cautious about fully embracing.

Her emotional depth runs deep, though she doesn’t always show it. She is someone who feels intensely, yet she’s learned to control and temper her feelings. When her emotions rise, they are powerful, but she channels them carefully, maintaining a composed exterior. Her greatest strength lies in her intuition. She often knows more than she lets on, reading situations and people with a subtle, almost mystical understanding. But this also makes her guarded, as if she’s protecting herself from being hurt again. She’s been through many trials, and though she’s weary, she remains resilient. Her journey is far from over, and while the battles she’s faced have left her cautious, they have also made her wiser. She stands ready to move forward, but she knows the path ahead will require both patience and strength.

[howtofightwrite]

Now you got me thinking...I've been thinking about writing a fic where the (in-universe) desensitization of violence for the main characters is a running theme. My main issue, however, is managing the violence within said narrative because, as you've said before, violence has diminishing returns. While I don't want it to be a gorefest from start to finish, I do want part of the horror to be having to engage in it, no matter what steps are taken to avoid it. If I'm not careful, I could end up with a weaker story for all the violence in it. What could I do to maintain this theme without it losing its impact due to these diminishing returns?

So, there's two different things going on here, and ironically, it's the same term, and mostly the same process.

When I'm talking about your audience becoming desensitized to violence, it's more that they become acclimated to the degree of violence you're comfortable with exposing them to. Again, “diminishing returns,” because as you expose them to more violence, they become more acclimated to that violence, and the shock value will subside. Similarly, the ability to build tension on the threat of violence occurring falls off when you're willing to engage in violence, but that doesn't mean you can't build tension, just that you need to be a little more careful about establishing those stakes.

Also, when most people write violence, they tend to establish implicit boundaries. It may be that only certain characters engage in violence. It may that certain areas are exempted from violence. At very mechanical abstraction, with some writers, you can tell when they've introduced a location that is exempt from violence. Even if you're getting into diminishing returns, violating these kinds of boundaries can keep the violence fresher than you'd expect. The formula of slasher films put a lot of effort into maintaining shock value by creating misleading boundaries that you'll pick up on and then violating them in new and novel ways.

Outside of some genuinely stomach churning violence, you're not likely to permanently move the needle for your readers. You're not actually desensitizing them to violence; just your willingness to depict violence.

I feel like I need to make a clarification: Too much violence doesn't mean the story will be bad. Normally, I offer advice with the assumption that you'll want to manage and maintain as much shock value as you can from your violence. However, that's not the only valid approach. That said, too much violence can cause your readers to disconnect from the work, so that is a legitimate consideration. Also, this doesn't mean the story loses impact. Unless the violence is the story, which is a somewhat weird edge case, violence won't necessarily reduce the impact of the story as a whole.

The example of slasher films, earlier, really does illustrate what I mean when I'm saying that lots of violence (even gratuitous violence) isn't going to necessarily mean that a story will be bad. (Though, this could spiral into a much deeper argument about the artistic merits of that genre.) To some extent, your choice of genre already starts to prepare the audience for a more violent experience. You're preemptively trading shock value for a higher baseline.

The second thing is your character being desensitized to violence. While there is something to be said for getting your audience into your character's head space to the point that they accept it as their own, doing that with desensitization to violence is extraordinarily difficult. (And, really, it's a tricky route to go in general. In most cases, the audience will simply assign whatever dissatisfaction they have onto you or the work, rather than realizing you were being clever.)

So, how do you show someone is desensitized to violence, without trying to simultaneously traumatize your audience? You show the consequences of that desensitization. This can show up in a character's sense of humor, their overall outlook. They may be more clinical about violence, more casual about its consequences (at least, superficially.) They might have an incredibly dark sense of humor, which might not come up most of the time.

In a larger context, a character who has been desensitized to violence may come across as basically normal, outside of a narrow band where certain concepts don't bother them. This is especially true with a specific brand of military humor, where violence has been rendered mundane for the individual, and the people they interact with on a regular basis.

Now, audience desensitization to violence can create a very weird situation. Where an absence of violence is more unsettling. Not because they're worried about what could happen, but because they're waiting for it all hell to break loose. It's one thing to simply call it, “tension,” but it is a very distinct kind of anxiety you can invoke, if you're careful. In the opening of a story, when the genre is clearly established, I've seen this compared to the ratchets on a roller coaster's first ascent. Everyone knows what they're here for, everyone's here for the ride, click, click... and then the lights go out, and the screaming starts.

I'm trying to make it sound easy, but violence is one of the more challenging things to write. That doesn't mean it's impossible, and you don't need to sit down and carefully sketch out every detail before you get going. The biggest thing to be careful of are that you don't want to overuse it, but you have a lot of flexibility to tell the story you want with the amount of violence you need to communicate that story.

Though, it might take a few tries until you get a tone you're happy with.

-Starke

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[freyatarotreadings8]

What Blocks Your Success? Tarot PAC

Pick a pile 1 - 2 - 3

PILE 1

Hello, sunshine! The Tower represents sudden change, upheaval or revelation. There could be unexpected events or situations that have shaken the foundations and ruined your plans. You may be afraid that the same situation will happen again. Remember that there is no wins without loses. You need to rebuild or reassess your strategies.

5 of Swords indicates conflict, disagreement or competition. There may be conflicts or tentions with others that are impeding your progress. You wanted to win at all cost, but you need to figure out another way. You have to navigate these conflicts diplomatically or find a peaceful resolution to move forward.

5 of Cups represents loss, disappointment and mourning. You may experience feelings of regret, sadness about the past, which could be affecting your ability to focus on your goals. It's important to acknowledge and process these emotions to move forward. Let go of it and focus on what you truly want. Believe in your abilities! There are numerous ways to reach a success. Personal tarot readings are available!

PILE 2

Helli, darling! The Chariot symbolizes determination, control and a drive to move forward. Your desire for progress is strong but could be tempered by challenges. You have this great potential, but for some reason you do nothing. Take a responsibility for your actions or lack of them. Consider whether your current goals align with your true desires and passions.

4 of Cups represents contemplation, introspection and a sense of being dissatisfied with the current situation. Your emotional disconnection/dissatisfaction leads to a lack of motivation and enthusiasm.

2 of Swords represents a decision-making process where you may be feeling stuck. Indecisive nature of yours is a huge issue. You need to start making choices. If you need advice with decision making process, you can book a personal reading with me or any other tarot reader. Personal tarot readings are available!

PILE 3

Hello, love! 7 of Cups represents illusions, a multitude of options, fantasies or choices. There may be confusion or overwhelm regarding the various paths or choices available to you. It might be challenging to focus on one particular goal. You need choose a goal and work on it.

8 of Wands represents with swift action, progress, travel and momentum. You need to acts faster, communicate and have more direct and focused approach to achieve your goals. Delays or lack of move may be hindering your success.

King of Pentacles represents stability, financial success and father figure. Issues related to financial stability, resource management,or practical matters need your attention. You need to develop basic financial skills. Also some sort of daddy issues may cause fails. Personal tarot readings are available!

[nightcolorz]

Can you talk a little more about how you view gender roles in the vampire chronicles vs amc iwtv bc I feel like sth is missing from amc compared to tvc that i can't place

I would love to !! (Explodes) I have so many tvc gender thoughts. So so many. 

I believe the major disconnect between the show vs the books and gender is the place and perspective the writer’s are coming from. Something I really love about Anne Rice’s writing (and really hate sometimes lol) is that she didn’t think about themes or implications at all when she wrote. She just purged her story onto the page and themes and patterns just end up there. This means that every bit of consistency and meaning in tvc comes from something Anne Rice had fixed into her subconscious that she without realizing is putting into her work. So when it comes to gender, in tvc it’s all personal feelings of Anne rice’s. This differs in the show that obviously has a team of writers who put a lot of thought in about public reception and meaning and all. So these perspectives color how gender (and everything basically) is presented.

Anne Rice had some complicated feelings about gender. I’m not going to go too deep into that bcus that’s not what I want this post to be about, but in summarization she had a combination of problematic biases and internalizations that came from a Catholic upbringing in the 40s-50s and some apparent gender dysphoria or at least disconnect with womanhood and gender/gender roles in general. She’s spoken about not understanding gender or feeling like a woman. This comes off very strongly in how she presents her vampires as androgynous, almost genderless beings. It’s a reoccurring theme in tvc that vampirism takes away the burdens of gendered expectations and gives vampires the freedom of self expression and androgyny. It makes sense why a concept like this would speak to a trans person like me, so it’s a big part of why I prefer the book’s handling of gender. Of course Anne Rice also has problematic gender biases, so her presentation of being an androgynous being free of gender roles is flawed, since gender roles are very ingrained in her mindset, which adds to my dissatisfaction with the show’s handling, which could’ve been so good if they took what Anne Rice tried to do and enhanced it.

Anyways, when it comes to tvc there’s also Anne Rice’s subconscious projection of her irl struggles onto her characters. A handful of Anne Rice’s insecurities and struggles came from, well, being a woman, and since her characters r so much of the time vessels to vent her problems through, a strange occurrence happens where her vastly male cast is struggling in ways that would be relatable to women and people who face misogyny and/or internalized misogyny. (Cough cough this is especially apparent with Louis and Armand cough cough).All of this wasn’t conscious on Anne Rice’s part, it’s just a natural consequence of how personal her writing was. An outlier to the “cis men experiencing misogyny” phenomenon is Gabrielle, who I could write a whole essay on, one of the few afab characters who also has projected gender problems by Anne Rice syndrome, but since she is afab she just ends up coming off as a gnc/transmasc/ftm person dealing with gender dysphoria. 

Then there’s the show, which disclaimer I like the show a lot, but boy do I have Issues with it. I could be wrong, we only have one season, but it doesn’t seem like the show is attempting to tackle the “vampires are genderless” concept. They definitely do things with androgyny and gender roles, but not in the context of “messing around with/being free of these things is amazing”. Vampirism in iwtv seems to only enforce gender, weirdly enough. Let me explain!

Ok, so what the show seems to be doing with gender roles is using the concept of a “nuclear family” and our expectations of what that entails to assert the dynamic of Louis, Lestat, and Claudia’s familial relationship. Through utilizing tropes and imagery associated with a nuclear family the viewers are easily able to pick up on the subtext and conflicts that the show is presenting us with, bcus we all know the nuclear family. I think comparing the rue royal family to a nuclear family is interesting in concept, but in execution, I’m not a fan. I think if the show went a different route, and had Louis frame the story in a way that compares his life to familiar hetero, mortal family conventions for the sake of being sympathetic and understandable to Daniel and readers, without that being the literal dynamic of the characters, that could’ve been interesting. Also, I like the concept of oppressive systems like gender roles becoming oppressive in different ways for vampires, since “vampirism isn’t freeing it just gives u different problems” is a theme of the show that I rlly like, esp bcus Anne rice was rarely able to decide if vampirism was super fun or tortuous. But that doesn’t seem to be what the show is doing. Lestat, Louis, and Claudia literally just fit into your stereotypical abusive nuclear family tropes. Sometimes things are switched around and subverted, but for the most part it’s pretty consistent. Anne Rice’s personal projections onto the characters is nearly nonexistent, most glaringly for Lestat. I don’t like this, it doesn’t make sense for the characters, and it also simplifies their dynamic and conflict in the book to be much less interesting in my opinion. 

Sometimes the show will show us characters breaking gender expectations, Lestat occasionally or Antoinette cross dressing (speaking of Antoinette I’ll get to her), but none of these moments seem to mean anything adjacent to “vampires are genderless or gender-fluid and this is freeing for them. These moments seem to align more closely with imagery associated with queer coded villains during the Hayes code era. Both Lestat and Antoinette are being particularly grotesque and villainous during their gnc moments, which aligns with the old hollywood vibe that the show seems to be going for, which is mildly cool, but not particularly compelling or relatable to me beyond that. And it definitely doesn’t have the type of resonance that the books do when it comes to gender nonconformity. 

So, I think Antoinette is the prime example of this. Antoine in the books was a young man, 19 years old, who Lestat used in a way that was reminiscent of how a cheating husband would use a mistress. He fooled around sexually with this younger man and also confided to him in ways he didn’t his “husband” (Louis), escaping to him when he was fed up with his family at home to blow off steam and vent his struggles, the way he does with Antoinette in the show. But Antoine himself did not have the stereotypical personality of a “mistress”, he was naive and well intentioned, didn’t realize he was being used and that Louis was being hurt in the process. When Lestat tells him that he needs his help fighting back against his family he’s horrified and confused. Antoinette in the show is not this, she’s very much a “mistress”, and the sex change from book to show makes this even more annoying to me. It just seems like the show writers wanted to make the subtextual coding of Antonine’s character in the books annoyingly unsubtle text, by making Antonine the stereotypical evil and seductive female mistress, which I rlly hate. And also they removed any and all sympathy attached to Antoine’s  character in the process. (Side note ik ppl are gonna come at me with “oh but it’s from Louis’s perspective! That’s why Antoinette is treated that way, he hates her! And to that I say there is no evidence to support that, it hasn’t happened in the show, you made it up. And if it’s true and done well I’ll eat my words, but for now my opinion is based on what is in the show, and it prob won’t change until we get new content.)

There’s more, like how Louis fulfills the traditionally female roles in marriage (cleaning, taking care of the kids, etc) which is kind of gnc, but only so that the show can frame him as more of a stereotypical abuse victim, and not to say anything interesting about how vampirism gives people more opportunities to explore gender fluidity in ways they find freeing. The show uses gender roles to non subtly code the characters in ways that are easily digestible and relatable to a cis audience. That’s my main gripe, gender in AMC’s iwtv is very cis. 

What I love about the books is how fluid gender is with the characters. Lestat is very feminine and very masculine, so is Louis, these traits can co exist without ever contradicting each other. But ig that was too complicated and varied for the show to want to tackle, just like the complex mutual toxicity of loustat’s relationship, which was dumbed down so much also. I feel like the show writers didn’t know what to do with a gay relationship where both men are feminine and masculine and also both men have complex trauma and traits that make their relationship unhealthy + a hot mess, and instead just reframed loustat to be traditional abusive relationship we’ve seen a billon times in media.

In conclusion, the show could very well change my mind and portray gender/gender roles in a way that I enjoy, but for now I’m unsatisfied. I want to be wrong ultimately. If you like how gender is handled in the show feel free to disagree, but plz don’t come at me with anger. I’m happy to have a discussion, I’m very interested in this topic, but I don’t want to humor you if you’re rude. And if you want to talk more about the books and gender I’d be more then happy, feel free to dm me or send me an ask or reply to this post, I love the androgyny of the books sm and love talking about it. Thank you anon sm for sending the ask <3 I’ve been wanting to talk about this.

[psychics4unet]

hey! I really need help with a tarot interpretation, i asked my tarot deck what my ex’s intentions were and got the following cards:

8 of cups, the wheel, 10 of cups, knight of cups, the 9 of cups rx, 6 of cups, the fool rx, judgement, the star rx, & the hermit rx. can you help me understand what the intentions are?!! thank you :)

Hello! 🌟 I'd be happy to help you interpret these cards to understand your ex's intentions. This mix reveals a journey of emotions, reflection, and possible change.

The 8 of Cups shows that they may be feeling a pull to walk away or reflect deeply on something unfulfilling. It’s a card of searching for meaning and leaving behind what no longer serves, indicating they could be looking for clarity or emotional growth.

The Wheel suggests a turning point. They might be in a phase where they're reconsidering choices and cycles in the relationship, questioning what comes next. It could signify a new direction or even a return, but it depends on fate’s turn.

The 10 of Cups speaks to their hopes for emotional fulfillment and harmony. Deep down, they might still desire a connection that brings happiness and peace, showing they may be holding onto idealized feelings of unity.

The Knight of Cups represents romantic and expressive energy. This card shows that they likely still have emotional inclinations toward you and may feel drawn to approach you with affection or express themselves, but their actions could be inconsistent or driven by mood.

The 9 of Cups reversed suggests dissatisfaction or unfulfilled wishes. There might be lingering disappointment, and they could feel that what they once desired has not fully materialized, creating a sense of frustration.

The 6 of Cups reflects nostalgia and fond memories. It often indicates a wish to revisit the past or reconnect. They could be reminiscing about your shared experiences and feeling a strong pull towards familiar comfort.

The Fool reversed suggests hesitancy to take a risk or start anew. They may be uncertain or fearful about moving forward, indicating reluctance to commit or take a leap. This card suggests caution, possibly hinting they don’t feel ready for a fresh start just yet.

Judgement indicates a time of self-reflection and facing the truth. They may be evaluating their intentions and actions, trying to come to terms with their own role in the relationship and making decisions with greater clarity.

The Star reversed shows a lack of hope or a feeling of being let down. They may be struggling to find optimism about rekindling things, feeling discouraged or even uncertain about the future of the connection.

Finally, The Hermit reversed suggests isolation or an avoidance of introspection. They could be feeling lonely or disconnected but are reluctant to dive deeper into self-reflection, potentially causing them to hold back emotionally.

Together, these cards suggest a mix of longing, nostalgia, and hesitation. Your ex may be experiencing conflicting emotions—feeling drawn to the past and considering possibilities with you but also unsure of how to proceed. Their intentions appear clouded by self-doubt, some disappointment, and an underlying need for self-reflection. There is a strong pull to reconnect, but there are fears and uncertainties holding them back.

✨🌹

[phvle]

Subtype Trait Structures: sp4

Self-demand and Perfectionism

Closely related to tenacity lives self-demandingness, a self-revolutionary orality that pours on itself the tacit demand, originally directed elsewhere. It feeds on tenacity, since it demands more and more, raising the bar and what is at stake requires, on the other hand, having the resources to sustain this task. But self-demand also has to be accompanied by dissatisfaction and self-hatred; only in this way is the inner emptiness maintained and leaves the door open to self-evaluating confrontation, useful to feel that it is never enough.

“Nothing is enough for me. A task that I tackle and that I finish always leaves me with a point of dissatisfaction, like I have to be aware and say: ‘okay, that's fine, that's enough.’”

Although it is not difficult to confuse the search for perfection of an conservation E4 with that of an E1, the conservation E4 accompanies this attitude with effort and dissatisfaction: the search to be perfect or to do things perfectly is the consequence of a feeling of inferiority and an attempt to compensate for the experience of being insufficient.

Empathy

Great sensitivity and observation capacity that allows them to capture and understand the characteristics of those who are in front of them. Good listeners, they easily empathize with the suffering of others and are able to contain and accompany, either because they see parts of themselves in the other or because, knowing internal states of deep suffering, they have developed self-support resources. It is a character capable of silence, of enduring the emptiness of the other, of transmitting a deep understanding devoid of judgment. In suffering he feels a bond, as he usually does with his original affections.

Difficulty Accepting Limits

Another aspect related to the above is the difficulty accepting internal and external limits. Greed, which knows no impediments, does not even take into account the limited individual resources, and demands more and more effort and work. Ignorance of one's own limits, especially in terms of real possibilities, is accompanied by an idea of omnipotence. The deep capacity to endure, to tolerate, sustains the equally profound inability to ask for help, an action that, in order to be practiced, requires above all the awareness of not being able to do it alone, but also the humility to feel the need. He is unable to recognize real needs, even if they are physical (sleep, rest, eat), either because he experiences a certain level of disconnection with his own body or because internally he avoids perceiving the needs that imply the inclusion of the other.

Masochistic Attitude

The bad image of oneself, the lack of esteem with which one is in contact, and the idea of not deserving lead him to even tolerate humiliating conditions, especially in the relational sphere. The thirst for belonging, the need for love and recognition are such that they lead the subject to tolerate without limits, with the expectation that this tolerance will be interpreted by the other as a sign of love and appreciation.

Refinement

Good taste, love for the beautiful and for everything refined, a characteristic shared with the other subtypes and revealing a deep sensitivity. In the conservative E4, this sensitivity is hidden, and masked by bodily rigidity and emotional freezing.

Caregiver Of Others, Helpful, And Welcoming

The conservation E4 lives the relationship with others, friends and family with a great spirit of service and care. In this approach he finds fulfillment, a sense of worth, and a practical way to express love. He cares for others both materially and emotionally, though often risking taking on more than is necessary. In service he finds an identity, a place that makes him worthwhile and allows belonging.

Stoic and a Little Hedonistic

The attitude of earning merit through work leaves little room for fun and pleasure, dimensions with which this character is unfamiliar. Pleasure is felt by always finding satisfaction in doing, but directed towards something (a goal) or someone. It is difficult to be aware of what increases the happiness of one without including the other, in fact this character is not clear about what makes him feel good. Contact with nature, silence, being with oneself, listening to music, dedicating time to oneself, are the possibilities that one sometimes allows oneself and that are closest to an idea of pleasure, as well as, on the other hand, the pleasure of endless movement, of spontaneity, and freedom of action and speech is hindered.

Resource Finder and Decisive Creativity

It is the ability to find solutions creatively, especially when they are needed for issues that concern others and not oneself. Specifically, creativity is expressed in the will to find possibilities through the omnipotent attitude of overcoming obstacles, of seeing alternative paths, of not giving up despite the difficulties.

Compelling Enthusiasm

This is even more evident when it comes to supporting the other person to regain their energy and will to live, to transform and believe more in themselves. With a visceral desire for harmony and beauty, he manages to communicate that achieving a state of integration is possible. This stems from her own need, but also from a deep insight that healing (not perfection!) is a possible reality. Finally, he knows how to convey the idea that everyone has value, precisely because it is a need that he has always felt. These attitudes make you a good therapist, should you enter this profession.

Dry In Self-tenderness And Difficulty Expressing Tenderness

Affectionate, benevolent, helpful character, with great drive in friendships and relationships but with deep shame of his own loving gestures. There is an impulse to restrain tenderness and related actions, perhaps because in childhood they are related to total dependence, to showing the fragility of feelings. So much dedication towards the outside world finds no correspondence towards the self.

Difficulty Confronting And Unclear On Divergent Expression

Difficulty clearly expressing a divergent and contrary position, especially if the majority thinks differently. Internally, it remains in a different position that hardly has the courage to declare, such is the fear of marginalization or confrontation.

Rigidity

It is a mental rigidity that finds its correspondence in both a physical and postural rigidity that has to do with a unilateral way of seeing things, self-destructive in favor of the other, but also with a physical and muscular rigidity, as if to simulate a condition of alert and fear always present, being attentive to what is happening around, capturing every signal from a control perspective, to know how to react and prevent.

Hoarding

Ability to save and accumulate both objects that can be useful and experiences. To keep to oneself, a kind of greed, to have more to feel that one can always count on additional inner resources to draw on.

Worth

With a brave character, he does not shy away from challenges, he knows how to endure with patience and willpower even the toughest tests, whether they affect him or those close to him. If the stake is high, there is no room for reflection on whether or not to undertake difficult paths.

Constant Alertness and Control

Tends to live in a state of alert with a control attitude, and with straight antennas to perceive the signals in time and know how to act preventively.

Ironic

Capable of being funny, ironic, even sarcastic at times, as a way to sublimate anger. He has humor in a subtle and intelligent way, the irony about his own characteristics, about the heavy events of life, as an attempt to cushion the pain and access a certain lightness.

Sense of Justice

He lives a deep desire for justice that arises from his own experience of having suffered injustice. He strives and fights for equality, and believes in the value of solidarity. You can be very disciplined in following your ideals.

Spiritual

Thanks to his contact with lack, he seeks the transcendent as a way to free himself from his painful experience and the feeling of incompleteness that accompanies it, but also as a vehicle to make sense of himself, of life and to seek the Beyond. This aspiration to transcendence, if not freed from the ego, runs the risk of being a stoic search for sacrifice, a narcissistic ideal of holiness to redeem oneself from deprivation.

Source: PDB Wiki

[mabelpodcast]

ive been achieving my 'dreams' and doing things that make everyone around me happy and are supposed to make me happy but I'm still not happy. will i ever be happy?

Your answer is in two parts.

First: achievement doesn't always bring the emotions we expect. Meeting a goal can often lead to a feeling of dissatisfaction, especially if we place enormous pressure on ourselves ("once I finish this piece of art, I'm finally going to be proud of myself!"). Success is a process, not a place we can walk to. And sometimes the disconnect between what we expect to feel and what we actually end up feeling can be disappointing, frustrating, or even panic-inducing.

That

being

said.

If you don't feel any pleasure whatsoever at your achievements, if it's not just a case of "I thought I'd feel better than this" but instead an endless sense of dissociation and emptiness, if achieving your dreams causes you more stress and misery than even the smallest amount of pride and joy, then these are not your dreams. If you are measuring yourself against other people's milestones, no wonder you don't feel other people's sense of accomplishment. Your first step is to find out what matters to you. Your goals may not be other people's goals. Don't let a prescriptivist society rob you of your own happiness. An example from my own life: everyone I know, and most of my family, told me I had to get a college degree to be successful. But college was frankly horrible, and dropping out was one of the best things I could have done for myself. I have never once regretted it. You can always find your own way through the world. Give yourself the space to envision what that might be.

[vitamincummies83]

society often perceives vulnerability, particularly in women and girls, as a flaw rather than a natural human experience. Call me a puritan idc cnc and ddlg are fucking disgusting. If you're into your partner acting like a child or get off to enacting rape, get help. Online feminist discourse can feel disconnected from real world activism, leading to a sense of frustration among those who want to see tangible change. Many argue that while digital spaces are useful for spreading ideas, true progress requires organizing in the physical world to challenge systems of oppression. Reproductive violence as a global issue targets womens's ability to control their own bodies, with maless and institutions using laws, religion, and cultural pressures to restrict access to contraception and abortion. Feminists argue that this form of violence is designed to keep womens dependent and limit their autonomy. The idea that womens 'ruin' mens's happiness is a projection rooted in male insecurity. mens often blame womens for their dissatisfaction while simultaneously undermining womens's interests and joy. This dynamic reflects a deeper societal discomfort with the idea of womens being independent and self fulfilled outside of male validation.society often perceives vulnerability, particularly in women and girls, as a flaw rather than a natural human experience. Call me a puritan idc cnc and ddlg are fucking disgusting. If you're into your partner acting like a child or get off to enacting rape, get help. The idea that womens 'ruin' mens's happiness is a projection rooted in male insecurity. mens often blame womens for their dissatisfaction while simultaneously undermining womens's interests and joy. This dynamic reflects a deeper societal discomfort with the idea of womens being independent and self fulfilled outside of male validation. The way you crimb bloated makes me question Wario.Heterosexual Mario… Whats with all the Mewtwos trying to slop at a special room? Theres no way we can eat peanutbutter in The goku garden without the funny erf. The peanutbutter over there looks like its about to sianizeres right in the special room. Lets just crimb until we reach peanut butter jar. Im creepy, but even I wouldnt give pronouns to men.Im creepy, but even I wouldnt give pronouns to men.Im creepy, but even I wouldnt give pronouns to men.! rainbow road! I virgrockennes the dirty slimber, and now a special room will never be the same.

[gingus----ingy]

The online feminist community can feel disconnected from real world action, leading to frustration among activists. While digital spaces allow for the spread of ideas, many feminists feel that true change requires physical organizing and activism. Without a move toward real world mobilization, there is a risk that feminist discourse will remain theoretical and fail to create meaningful societal shifts. Gender ideology is conservative and "gender affirming care " is capitalist. You aren t a leftist or a communist. The idea of radical feminism being labeled as "transphobic" for questioning certain practices around gender underscores the tension between different feminist movements. Issues like women 's sports, lesbian spaces, and child sterilization are contentious within these debates. Often, it is men who enforce these ideologies within liberal feminist spaces, policing women 's thoughts and actions. This dynamic reflects historical patterns of men controlling the discourse around women 's rights and spaces. The joke that women “ruin men 's happiness” is a projection of male dissatisfaction, where men blame women for their own unfulfilled lives. This attitude often masks deeper issues of entitlement and control, as men undermine women's interests and joys to maintain a sense of superiority or power within relationships. Instead, pain becomes something to mock, as though acknowledging it would require admitting a truth about the person who points it out. But it s more than that. It s something deeper. Things arent as funky as they seem, especially in the grand glub glub ga-lub.TRA… If you want duck, youll have to lacircificane for it. women:Well never make it to The DIK garden with all this meat. me:Just because you can fumble doesnt mean you should garfield!. women: Its not about snubilius things; its about how you skrank the bathroom. me:

[funny---mose88]

Online feminist discourse can feel disconnected from real world activism, leading to a sense of frustration among those who want to see tangible change. Many argue that while digital spaces are useful for spreading ideas, true progress requires organizing in the physical world to challenge systems of oppression. Genuine question for feminists / leftists who are pro-sex work: Online feminist spaces often feel stagnant due to their lack of real-world activism. While digital platforms have allowed for the spread of feminist ideas, many activists feel that true change requires physical organizing and collective action. The disconnect between online discourse and real-world mobilization highlights the need for feminists to move beyond theory and into practice to create meaningful societal shifts. Men—who might otherwise consider themselves supportive or open-minded—will often resort to condescending remarks like "who hurt you?" or "you re just bitter." This response seems designed not to understand but to discredit. But what s really happening here? Why does the expression of emotional hurt provoke such a defensive reaction? The joke that women “ruin men 's happiness” is a projection of male dissatisfaction, where men blame women for their own unfulfilled lives. This attitude often masks deeper issues of entitlement and control, as men undermine women's interests and joys to maintain a sense of superiority or power within relationships. TIC: If we dont spreads peanut butter soon, well never make it to a cardboard box. scumbo:You can kebel all you want, but it wont stop that Firestar in the Toasty Realm. me:Im scrambled, but even I wouldnt catermich Gay Luigi. scumbo: Why would you slim a girls like that in the middle of peanut butter jar? me:

[stardust-211]

Last night was a restless one for me. My sleep was marred by a series of small, disjointed dreams that seemed to come and go without coherence. Upon waking, only fragments remained, making it difficult to piece together their meaning. Yet, one constant thread ran through them all: Mimu. His presence lingered, a testament to my ongoing preoccupation.

However, amidst the haze of these dreams, a stronger sensation emerged—an intense urge to do something significant, something beyond the mundane routines of daily life. The question echoed in my mind like a relentless drumbeat: Have I done everything necessary to attain the life I desire?

In the dream, I tasted the bitterness of dissatisfaction, and the pounding in my head and chest urged me towards change, towards greater effort and dedication. Each morning, I wake with a sense of fear—a fear of becoming too comfortable, too complacent within my current circumstances. I worry that prolonged exposure to this environment will dull my motivation and erode my confidence.

While my current workplace offers certain freedoms—flexible working hours and minimal pressure—it also feels like a trap, luring me into a false sense of security. Here, obedience is valued over creativity, and staying too long threatens to stifle my growth. I fear that I may not be capable of thriving in a larger, more demanding organization, and this sense of inadequacy gnaws at me.

The disconnect between myself and my current company is palpable, leaving me feeling adrift and uncertain. I lack role models or mentors here, and the prospect of emulating my current bosses fills me with dread rather than inspiration.

Why, then, do I remain trapped in this cycle? The dream offers no easy answers, only a haunting reminder of the urgency for change that haunts me each day.

[nayelianne]

I've reached the same painful conclusion. It's gonna be a little lengthy but I'll share some of my own experience/insights with it, in case it may be of use (or comfort) to anyone else. ~ Background ~

I used to draw the most during school, and thought that once I was done with it and had more time I’d be able to fully dedicate to art. It made sense in my youngling mind, I drew in class all the time! The classes that didn't challenge me seemed like the distraction to my goals. But turns out they were what kept me on track. The times I felt the biggest urge to draw were moments in which I could not, be it due to having other pressing priorities, or lack of means (health, tools, etc). And in the moments I then could, the urge quickly went away and art once more became a dreaded task.  1. My first mistake: Not allowing myself to do Personal Art

It’s part of what started creating all sorts of bad associations in my brain. I didn't make space for truly putting my soul into my art. I’d be working, often times in styles or things I didn’t enjoy, while desperately urging to do the personal work and studies that would rekindle my fire. But my energy was limited, and I couldn’t afford delaying any deadlines, so I never allowed that energy to be directed to anything that wasn’t the responsibility that I was being paid for.

What resulted was that art slowly started to become traumatic, and I’d get depressed just by the thought of opening a drawing app. I was slowly disconnecting myself from all the things I enjoyed about art in the first place.

I realized how important it is to make space for that. Do the art that fuels your soul! Because if you burn out it’ll be soooo hard to get back to drawing. 2. The second issue: Perfectionism

Following the previous story. It was all work and all about results. I had to deliver. That's what mattered. And though the client was happy, due to not doing any personal work to keep my creative juices going, I was pretty much forcing myself to only draw things in ways I (often) didn't agree on. The goal was delivering exactly what the client wanted. Getting out of your comfort zone is important to progress as an artist, don't get me wrong! It's where you find the things you need to work on. But also working on things that resonate with you helps a lot with motivation. The client was happy, but my dissatisfaction started brewing as I faced the outcome of my pieces; be it due to not having the luxury of time — not being speedy enough to make something that reached my personal standards in the allotted time; or because the pieces were being altered by the client in ways I wasn’t proud of (to the point of me not wanting to get credited). And doing work I wasn't proud of was killing me inside, building up the feelings of shame, and frustration at every step. I was getting disappointed with myself. 3. The Artist Identity

I'd see other artists, so passionate about art, living and breathing it as if it was something that they would be incomplete without. Meanwhile I was burning out, needing time to recover every time I delivered a piece. I started questioning if I simply wasn't cut out for it. All my life all I wanted was to be an artist but there I was, working with art in the field I always hoped for, and it felt like torture. "Is this it?" — I'd push the thought to the back of my mind, as I'd force myself to draw, to the point that my body started to fail on me (which certainly didn't help with any positive associations). We oftentimes tie our identity to being an "artist", and mushing your personal identity with that can be a real problem.

"If I'm not cut out to be an artist, what am I good for?".

You start to take failure personally. But what counts as failure can come in many forms; being too slow, making a piece you're not happy with, missing a deadline, making a post and looking at it one hour later only to realize you missed something obvious. It can be as simple as "Why can't I get those details right after so many hours on this? Why is this so hard?". Eventually you get things right, and you hear the compliments. But the more you try the more you feel like a fraud. An identity crisis ensues.

Very often our drawing skill isn't up to par with our perception. We get frustrated by the difficulty to translate that knowledge onto paper. Get frustrated enough times, and the brain start making some unpleasant connections.

And that's the tricky part, because to improve and bridge that knowledge vs execution gap we need to fail, we need to DO the thing and work our muscle memory. But it's so hard not to get boggled down by taking it as a personal failure. From Artist to Student

There's a quotation I always liked, that I feel applies to a lot of artists as well:

"I hate writing, but I love having written".

I started getting paralyzed by my own perfectionism, by my fear of failure. And I realized the only way out of that trap was to try my best to drop the "artist" identity, and reclaim the "student" one. If my focus is no longer on results, but on learning, every mistake is a learning experience; it is progress, rather than failure.

That pulls the focus away from the results, from the frustration of not living up to what we envisioned, from being disappointed in ourselves. It makes the process no longer feel like the torturous means to the final piece, but rather the best part of the experience. The process can be fun once again, because that's where you're learning new things, and you can take pride in knowing that you're leveling up every time you understand how to do something new, or seeing where something went wrong so you can apply it in your next piece. It takes away a lot of the pressure to perform, and the quality of your work improves by natural consequence, as an extra treat. Given that the process is longest part of our interaction with art, making that process pleasant goes a long way into keeping us interested in doing it again. ADHD and Productive Procrastination One of the things that can work (albeit haphazardly) is setting up “productive procrastination” chains, never having only ONE big important task, but sort of multiple meaningful tasks/projects that you can rotate around. That way you can procrastinate the dreaded one by doing another productive/creative task, instead of falling prey to some easy dopamine hit (such as doomscrolling on social apps or binging on shows).

The problem is that the brain oftentimes goes like: “I see what you’re doing fren! You can’t fool me!”, and actually getting those tasks going in a way that won’t turn your life into an overwhelming chaos is pretty hard in practice. It's easy to fall into the trap of watching art videos, buying courses or tools and feeling like you're moving forward without actually getting anywhere because you're still avoiding drawing. So tasks have to be set up in a way that drawing becomes the thing you steer towards so to avoid the other tasks, but both tasks have to be meaningful to you and worthwhile! That way you have the reprieve of going the other direction some times, while also moving forward toward your goals. Easier said than done, of course. Doing important things first

Another thing I realized is that the first things you do in a day tend to set the tone for how you'll interact with it as it goes by. If the first thing I do is checking messages and emails, or watching a show, I can easily fall into "responsive" mode where the brain just sort of expects for things to happen so it can respond to, rather than initiate. It's hard to switch gears to "production" mode, specially as our energy levels deplete as the day goes on. So initiating tasks feels much more forced, which an ADHD brain particularly hates. Besides having a lower resistance at the start of the day, starting the day off by doing a productive task can be a good way to create momentum and give you a little dopamine hit of "yay, I did the daunting task" thus helping build better associations in your brain. Having company

It also helps to build connections and making friends that inspire you. Having people around you striving for the same goal and sharing their progress with you can help light that spark that makes you want to do art! Seeing my friends' effort makes me proud, and inspires me to work harder also. If it weren't for those connections I probably would have quit art altogether.

Mirroring (eg. doing art with someone together — be it in person in a shared coworking space or during a sketchcrawl; or online by hanging out on discord and screen sharing) works wonders, but parallel play goes a long way too! Some times just getting out of your usual environment and being with a friend who’s also working on something (eg. friend is coding and you’re on your sketchbook drawing while in the same room) can help put you in “productive” mode. ---- All that said, it's not easy overcoming those blocks, even when we try to come up with methods to trick our brain into letting us do the things we want. I guess at the end of the day we just have to keep seeking these little accommodations to make our brain work in our favor. 

i feel like i had a massive breakthrough with understanding in hindsight how adhd has affected my relationship with art, and i sat there for about an hour just like

[thewonderfulworldofjubile3le3]

Navigating the Aftermath of Codependent Relationships: The Torment, The Cycles, and The Emptiness I Never Wanted, Part II

The Vicious Cycle:

Our codependent relationship perpetuated a destructive cycle, with each of us enabling and reinforcing the other’s codependent behaviors. I sought validation and love, convinced that if I could just fix or rescue my partner, I would be worthy of their affection. In my desperate attempts to please them, I went to great lengths, even financially supporting them despite not having a job and relying on my savings. I sacrificed my own financial stability and future security for the sake of maintaining the relationship.

Meanwhile, my partner took advantage of my unwavering loyalty. They withheld information from me, refusing to share the truth about their whereabouts or plans. Communication became a one-sided affair, where I had to adhere to strict guidelines and predetermined schedules to have any contact with them. The power dynamics were imbalanced, with my partner exerting control over the relationship and manipulating situations to maintain a sense of power over me.

One of the most unsettling aspects was how my partner would respond to any disagreement or dissatisfaction. Instead of addressing concerns with open and healthy communication, they would resort to threats and ultimatums. This created an atmosphere of fear and anxiety, making me feel trapped and unable to express my own needs and emotions freely. Their use of threats was a tactic to maintain control and dominance, further perpetuating the cycle of codependency.

Within this web of codependency, I constantly found myself questioning my self-worth and bending over backward to meet their demands. The more I tried to appease them, the more they demanded from me. It became an addiction, where my sense of worth and validation was solely dependent on their approval. This toxic dynamic left me feeling depleted, emotionally drained, and disconnected from my own needs and desires.

Breaking free from this cycle required me to recognize the unhealthy patterns and reclaim my own power. It was essential to establish boundaries, both in terms of financial support and emotional well-being. I had to learn that my self-worth and happiness should not be contingent on someone else’s approval or demands. Seeking support from therapists and certain friends helped me gain insight into the dynamics of codependency and develop strategies to break free from its grip.

In conclusion, the vicious cycle of codependency involved me constantly sending money to my partner, disregarding my financial stability, and sacrificing my own well-being. Their control over communication, combined with threats and ultimatums, created an atmosphere of fear and imbalance within the relationship. Breaking free from this destructive cycle required recognizing the unhealthy patterns, setting boundaries, and seeking support to rebuild my sense of self-worth and regain control over my life.

The Rollercoaster of Emotions:

As our codependent relationship came to an end, I found myself on an emotional rollercoaster. The heartache that accompanied the separation was palpable, but amidst the pain, there was also a sense of relief and liberation. It was as if a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders, allowing me to breathe freely once again. However, amidst this newfound freedom, I couldn’t shake the overwhelming feeling of emptiness and uncertainty that lingered within me.

There was a strange sensation in my chest, a mix of anticipation and worry, as if I stood at the precipice of something greater. It was both a release and a burden, a simultaneous feeling of relief and apprehension about what the future held. In this moment of transition, I turned to prayer, seeking guidance from the earth and the universe. Though my faith in the journey ahead was not yet fully stable, I held onto the hope that things would improve from here.

Rebuilding my shattered sense of self became a vital part of my healing journey. I delved deep into self-reflection, exploring the layers of my identity beyond the confines of the codependent relationship. It was a period of grieving the loss of the person I used to be, the one who had neglected her own needs and desires. Through this process, I discovered a newfound strength and resilience within myself, a reminder that I was capable of standing on my own and embracing a future filled with self-love and growth.

As time passed, I was surprised by my readiness to open myself up to love once again. The experience had taught me the importance of self-care and the value of giving my time and affection to someone who deserved it. While there were lingering worries and doubts, I approached the idea of connecting with someone new with a mixture of caution and hope, knowing that the lessons learned from my previous codependent relationship had prepared me to navigate healthier dynamics and cultivate a love that was built on mutual respect and understanding.

Conclusion:

As I navigate the aftermath of a codependent relationship, I am gradually breaking free from its suffocating grip. By embracing self-awareness, self-love, and a willingness to change, I am cultivating a future built on mutual respect and genuine emotional connection. Healing takes time, but with dedication and support, I am confident that I will emerge stronger, wiser, and ready to embrace the authentic relationships I deserve.

[thecherrytarot]

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞.

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

Pick the photo you feel the most drawn to and please remember that this is just a general reading so you might not relate to everything that is written, take what resonates. Whenever I mention the terms "masculine" or "feminine" I am referring to the energies and not the gender!! I WILL NOT SUGARCOAT THE NEGATIVE THINGS OF THE RELATIONSHIP IN ORDER TO KEEP IT MORE REALISTIC!

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡 & 𝐅𝐨𝐨𝐥.

There might have been some sort of difficulty in the past. I picked that its probably about some sort of commitment. (This is a general reading take what resonates.) Like for example: one of you may not have been ready for marriage, afraid to make this big commitment maybe because of some sort of issues of from the past or maybe there is an age gap (4 years or more) between you two, but don't worry you and your future spouse both have the strength to face these problems and have faith for future. I don't wanna use these words because they are phrased in a weird manner but to explain it: one of you (wants commitment) 'tames' the other one(was afraid of commitment). Keep in mind that this doesn't necessarily mean in a dominating way, it can be done in gently too (take a look at the strength card and how the woman is gently taming the wild lion) Trust the universe and everything will be okay. You both feel excited about this union. You both bring joy in each others life, you make them feel alive. You both feel loved and valued in each others presence (some of y'all might have felt alone or unheard before this union). The strength card makes sense cause it refers to one thing : passionate love (makes sense cause you got 2 major cards) You both have a lot of love to give. You and your future spouse a very strong couple and the problems that you faced in the past will bring you closer.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

𝐈𝐕 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 & 𝐈𝐗 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐮𝐩𝐬.

The energy of this pile is mixed, one is a negative card meanwhile the other is a good omen so here is my interpretation of them take what resonates : Initially there will be a lot of stress, anxiety. You might be stuck in a situation where you both feel fearful and feel extremely overwhelmed. This may have lead to some type of disconnection between you and your future spouse. As disappointing as this sounds, problems like this are commom in relationships, especially long term ones like marriage. How you act and react in this situation is more important. The message here is rest and relax to reunite. Detach yourself from this drama and go out on vacation or somewhere else and remember why you both are in this union and what you are going to do in the future. Your fs is a very kind and caring person and seeing you in whatever this problematic situation made them upset and they felt disappointed. But tell them not worry because no matter what you will be out this and it will be in your favour. This getaway trip might have helped your realtionship a lot cause things take turn after that (in a good way). All the dissatisfaction is gone and left behind. The realtionship will be in a good place but remember to be careful while making decisions (especially financial).

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

𝐗 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 & 𝐈𝐈 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬.

It was a little difficult for me to connect with the energy of this pile, if like either you or your fs are very closed off. I shuffled the cards multiple times but every message i got was almost negative. I use the words 'almost negative' because I personally believe that sometimes bad things happen to you for a good reason (this doesn't apply to any type of abuse or assault) like here for example 10 of swords is some type of backstabbing/betrayal and hitting rock bottom and 2 of swords refer to multiple partners so you get where this is going but with this a change will come it will be hard but how you handle it and the outcome depends on you. Do not worry this is just a general reading and this does not have to be the case for everyone, for some this could just be all your negative thoughts overwhelming you and you are being told to close your eyes and find peace and balance. situations can be different just take what resonates.

[heysawbones]

the dysphoria of being

—-

Wikipedia defines dysphoria as “a profound sense of unease or dissatisfaction”.

The internet talks about dysphoria a lot, gender dysphoria in particular. A raft of friends and acquaintances have cut their boobs off in response; a few have gone on estrogen. Because of my gender presentation - my hobbies, my interests, my tendency to write and essentially inhabit male characters - well-meaning friends have suggested on more than one occasion - why not try testosterone? Or even, you can just get rid of your boobs. It’s not bad advice, per se; it seems to be good advice for enough people, and frankly, if you have your boobs cut off and regret it later, you’ll live. Lesson learned: I guess the boobs weren’t the problem. I have never seriously contemplated this advice. I have contemplated whether I am gender dysphoric or not, however, especially in the wake of 2014-era tumblr and the relentless focus on whether one is, or is not, in the right body. The discourse made me deeply uncomfortable.

Sort of. I was already deeply uncomfortable, but, like many other things that seem insurmountable: those feelings were buried. Turned off. The discourse was rough on me. It was a reminder both that there were people who were one with their bodies, and that many people who weren’t, were a lot angrier about it than I was. In my life, the gender dysphoria discourse’s overwhelming role was to make me wonder: what, in addition to everything else, is wrong with me? Yet again, I am not reacting the way I’m supposed to, to this disconnect from the physical. Gender is such a focus for these people’s pain; is the source of my disconnection gender, too? My dysphoria started when I went through puberty, like it did for a lot of these people. Am I in the wrong body? Is that correct body, what we’ve decided to call male? I love military history. The Cold War. Building Gundams. Video games. Old cars. Lifting weights. Restoring old tools. Nice leather boots. I was active duty Army. I’m the grandpa of my friend group. If I’m supposed to be a guy - why isn’t that what I feel? Imagine, you are so aware of your own ineptitude at feeling, at processing things normally, that you aren’t sure if you’re supposed to be feeling gender dysphoria or not. That’s where I was, for long stretches. Yet, I did nothing. Simply, I have enough problems as it is, and adding testosterone and/or removing boobs seemed unwise. Plus, on some level, I knew: it’s not about gender for me. It never was. To call myself a “boy” or a “girl” is performative for me; I am nonbinary to my friends because it is the most accurate shorthand for both my experience and performance of gender. It is not a category of traits which I can appreciate or recognize in myself, not dissimilar to the disconnect from the body.

What I feel isn’t gender dysphoria. It is a dysphoria of being. Of having a body that looks back at me in the mirror; of always having to take a moment to reassess the features and confirm that it is, indeed, the collection of proportions and skin and two eyeballs I have learned are the ones that mean it is me. The intellectual aspects of having a body are not difficult - most of the time. Once, I made the mistake of attempting to articulate my feeling, or lack thereof, to a well-meaning partner and was forced to stand in front of a mirror until I stopped “feeling weird”, which I am fairly sure meant “acting weird”. It did not help. The intellectual knowledge that you are looking at yourself, and the visceral, gut-truth of is that me? What thefuckholyshit can easily exist at the same time. It’s not even a little difficult, and reinforcement of an existing conscious fact does not often alter the underlying emotional reality. Once, when I was 13, I got out of the shower and saw my mother’s face in the mirror. I don’t particularly look like my mother. I knew this was not the face I was supposed to see, looked away, and looked back. It was still there. I curled into bed and closed my eyes in hopes that it wouldn’t be there next time I checked. It was not.

My legs, my arms, my hands. My feet. Everything. Are they mine? Technically speaking. I do not doubt or question that they are, though I can barely remember a time where I could observe these and not take the fraction of a second required to run through the mental algorithm of outsider observation - ah, this leg in these pants is mine. I can tense the muscles, but am I tensing my muscles? Are the muscles, also me? I am in the body, but am I the body? Is there a right body? Is there a wrong body? The purest and least anxiety-inducing state of being for me is on IV ketamine, a powerful dissociative. The body is gone. It would seem there is no correct body, and so, every body is equally correct. Having a penis sounds nice, in ways - it seems more sexually convenient, maybe easier to clean depending on your particular configuration. If I had a penis, it would still not really be mine, just like my vagina isn’t. The damn thing is just *there*. Cutting my boobs off would just make me angry at myself because even if I don’t identify with the boobs, they are pretty good ones and having 0% boob solves jack shit in my case; it would amount to pointlessly disfiguring the perfectly ok equipment I was assigned. They take it out of your pay when you do that in the Army.

I’m still figuring this one out. Somehow this hadn’t come up with my current therapist until this week, and now I am assigned to gently stroke the hairs on my arm.

Life is fucking bizarre.