#or at least versions of myths that I’ve yet to seen anyone else talk about

[amostcuriousmythicist]

He [Diomedes] shall have slain the Drakon (Dragon) that harried the Phaiakians (Phaeacians)." [I.e. The Drakon of Kolkhis (Colchis) had arrived in Phaiakia (Phaeacia) in its pursuit of the Argonauts and the stolen fleece.]

Lycophron, Alexandra 631 (3rd BC)

[loreolympusanalysisforfunsies]

How to put this-

What are the ethics of using queer coded characters and themes in a narrative that has no explicitly queer characters?

Welp, that question can be asked of many stories in media. Like, a metric shit ton. A lot. But since Lore Olympus is the flavour of the week (month? year?) for my brain, that's what I'll be applying this question to. And right away, asap, I'm talking critically about Lore Olympus. Critically as in taking a subject and thinking about what themes are in it and what those themes mean to me as a reader, not critically as in badmouthing it. Also, I'm no expert and I've only read my favourite chapters fifty million times, the other chapters maybe three times. So there's stuff I could have missed, please feel free to correct me. Also also I will be using the word queer a lot because that's what I am and what I'm talking about.

Just wanted to make that crystal queer.

Alrighty, queer-coded characters in Lore Olympus. Hello Eros, nice to be talking about you again. He's a fan favourite for some pretty good reasons. Compelling romantic sideplot, clear adversary to the asshat, and he's just plain fun. There can be plenty of heavy content when he's around, but he's also the guy that lightens the mood. Some of the faces he makes-fucking priceless. And hoo boy does he come off as the gay best friend. Romantic advice, shopping trips, make overs, the squeeing, those are some very old tropes. But he's not the gay best friend. Or at least, so vaguely bi/pan/etc that it can be written off as none of the above. The only hint we get that he's not straight is that orgy mentioned waaay back in the beginning. After that we get his backstory with Psyche and no mention of other interests since. The gay best friend trope was made when hollywood and equivalents stopped being quite so nasty to the LGBTQ+ community, but not quite to the point of queer positivity. It took signifiers that were used maliciously in the past (feminine aspects and interests) and put a humerous spin on them. Ah look, it's a guy that can expertly apply make up, how funny and nonthreatening he is. Maybe it was that funny and nonthreatening bit that the author was going for. Both Persephone and the readers just endured some pretty awful shit, so here's a new person for her support system that isn't threatening at all and brings along some lighter atmosphere. Super flamboyant and never shown to be sexually attracted to her-that's perfect, in you go.

And honestly, seeing a man that's in a relationship with a woman whose also in touch with his emotions and feminine side, that's pretty great. But it comes in a narrative completely without queer characters. When I first saw him I was pretty sure he was a stereotype. Now that I know he isn't, I feel mixed. Straight dudes should be able to be soft. But a story with so many characters, that talks seriously about their complicated inner lives, with all these romantic relationships, all that with no queer representation? Ehhhhhhh-

Getting to the endpoint a little early there, so onto the other queer coded characters. Most notable are Athena and Artemis. Athena is very androgynous in her design. And Artemis has a very telling moment with Persephone in which she tries to push the conversation away from the danger zone of her personal feelings. A loud, embarrassed exclamation that she isn't attracted to anyone? Yeah I've seen that one before. And here's where I'd like to think somewhat positively, because this is going somewhere. It might just be a similar line as Persephone, being torn about her membership with the eternal maidens. Or Lore Olympus Artemis may very well be a lesbian or asexual as her mythic counterpart has been. There's a lot of potential in her storyline.

Heck, there's a lot of potential all over this story. Greek mythology is filled to the brim with LGBTQ+ people. Skip Zeus and Apollo, because fuck those guys. We've got Achilles and Patroclus as the most well-known, but to be fair the mortals don't heavily feature in this one. Athena was bi, Hermes was bi, Dionysus isn't born yet but again, super bi. Aphrodite and Poseidon are both in open relationships within the story, and oh hey bi the way in the myths. Just saying, the greeks were very very gay.

But even if they weren't. Guess what. When you write a story of your very own, you can make your characters be anything. Case and point with Hera. This is a very, very different version of Hera. Sure, she can be capricious and act on a whim. But this isn't the same goddess that committed cruelties against women that Zeus forced himself on. At least to our knowledge. Nerp, this author has reinterpreted her to be a very sympathetic woman, and that's without changing what she went through. Hera was always someone that endured a lot of crap from her husband, but I didn't feel bad for her when I read her stories in class because hey, she was a vindictive shrew. By changing the patriarchal perspective that has some pretty strong opinions on women scorned, to the perspective of a woman author sympathetic to the woman character who is constantly shit on by everyone around her, the author has improved on the original subject material. Change, it's a good thing.

Ok, queer themes. Again I'd like to make a point right away, and the point here is the themes I'm about to talk about don't just affect queer people. These are lived experiences for many. But being kept naive of an outside world, being unable to explore your sexuality, people trying to override you when you tell them what's best for you and your body, are all things that deeply affect the queer community. There's a very good reason this fandom has so many LGBTQ+ members. Many moments in this story are affirming to us, and that's a good thing. This story also has a lot to say about gender roles. Persephone is the most recent of women that people are looking to use for their own selfish advancement. Hera has a very powerful line about sacrificing her power and potential to make Zeus feel comfortable and happy. And boy is that a line that fits millions of women and afabs throughout history. Making people comfortable by keeping a part of yourself shoved down, whether it's your ability in a field of work or your identity. Or maybe your disability. Or your religion. Your background. Lore Olympus hits pretty hard with a very real feeling of sacrificing bits of yourself to make what people see more palatable, easier for them to deal with. Hera and Persephone have breakdowns over these forced versions of themselves, the facade that's too much to keep up.

These problems don't exist in a bubble. They are problems that weave through many different subcultures and peoples. And unfortunately, some affected people can be excluded when such problems are addressed. I don't think the author decided to be exclusive on purpose. The kindest interpretation is that this simply isn't something that affected her directly, so she either didn't think to include it or didn't feel comfortable writing from a pov she doesn't share. The less kind interpretation is that she wanted to appeal to as broad a demographic as possible, and decided this was the way to do it. I'm not inclined to think that way of her, because she's showed herself to be very empathetic and thoughtful with pretty much every other aspect. But when we become so close with a piece of media, a story that touches us so deeply, one that strives to be realistic in themes like abuse and trauma, the question comes up. What about us? Do we exist? Are our problems seen? The end result of a narrative using queer-coded characters and themes without explicitly being queer is a disconnect. A feeling of separation from a story and characters that I otherwise feel very close to. A worry that these problems are only seen by, only affecting, heterosexual and cisgendered peoples. And I realize this would be hard to cover for someone who hasn't written queer characters in this story yet, someone who may or may not be LGBTQ+ themselves. But even so, even though there would be mistakes and bad faith critics and all else, I would rather she try. I would rather be seen.

[only-by-the-stars]

the annotated Tome of the Wild

Part five: Babes in the Wood!

- A half-moon the color of yellowed pages hung high in the sky above the figures on the ground OH LOOK IT’S THAT SAME DAMN MOON AGAIN. DESPITE THAT DAYS HAVE GONE BY AND IT DEFINITELY WOULDN’T LOOK THE SAME AT THIS POINT.

- “Idiot child. Perhaps I should've done something to make you more intelligent, instead of just transforming your body.” And here we have confirmation that it was Koume that changed her into this.

- Of course, the centerpiece of this scene is the reveal of what Midna’s been up to this whole time. In the show, the situation for Beatrice is similar: she thought that Adelaide just wanted a couple of kids to do household chores, and was fine with just turning them over to her in exchange for the item she needed to break her and her family’s curse. Until, of course, she grew to like them and have second thoughts, as Midna does here. Which of course lines up with how Midna initially thought to just use Link in TP to help herself and her people, until his actions and Zelda’s made her reconsider her disdain for the people of the world of light. Here it’s her bond with Aryll and Link that makes her hesitate to hand them over: she really likes Aryll, and after a rough start with Link they’re now getting along, and she feels a lot of sympathy for his situation with Mipha. She doesn’t want to keep them from getting home even for a little while, and when she finds out about Koume’s true intentions she draws the line, as her moral code won’t let her hurt others for her own sake and she knows Zelda wouldn’t want her to hurt anyone on her behalf either. This conflict and growth are exactly why I had an easy time casting Midna in this role, and I loved being able to write her and develop the dynamics she has with Link and Aryll.

- “Only the voice of the shadow that lurks in the woods, the king of darkness that rules the night, concerns me...” King of Darkness is one of Ganon’s titles in the series.

- “There is only his way.” A line that will be echoed by the Beast himself much later.

- “Aryll, I know!” Link froze as soon as the words were out of his mouth. We’re at the point where Link is snapping at his beloved baby sister, showing just how stressed out he is right now. He was able to relax more when Midna was around, but now her betrayal is driving him further along that path to despair I’ve been mentioning. He immediately apologizes, to his credit, but he’s still starting to crack.

- “You are in grave peril, and your fate, your very lives depend on if you heed my words or not! The Beast stalks you, seeking your fall into his grasp... but you must not allow him to capture you, you must not give in to despair!” He’s not wrong! Listen to him!

- The shadow laughed, a long, low sound that seemed to ooze up from the deepest depths of the earth where eldritch creatures slumbered, forgotten by time and the gods alike. Calamity Ganon emerges from deep beneath Hyrule Castle.

- “You forget, do you not, that your daughter's safety depends upon keeping me happy?” The first hint of the deception that the Beast is working on Rhoam.

- Aryll is now calling her frog Alfonzo, after the engineer in Spirit Tracks.

- AND THEN THERE’S NAYRU AND KOTAKE. This was one of the most FUN things I got to play with. The episode this portion is an adaptation of is probably my favorite in the show, and I had an utter blast toying with expectations here just as the show did. Maybe even more! The show leads you to believe that the character Kotake replaces is the sinister and evil one, preying on the hapless young girl that Nayru is replacing, only to yank the rug out from under you and reveal that the girl is possessed and trying to eat the brothers.

now, Nayru is from Oracle of Ages. You meet her at the beginning, whereupon she quickly becomes possessed by the evil sorceress Veran. Kotake, meanwhile, is present as a villain in OOT and a linked Oracle game, and as a friendly shopkeeper in Majora’s Mask. We just saw the villainous version of her sister at the beginning of this chapter. So... is she evil too? If you’ve never seen the show, have played OOT and MM but not the Oracle games, you probably got taken in just like a first time viewer of the show is. Only to find out too late, as does Link, that Nayru is the people-eating one, and not Kotake, who is indeed her MM self and not evil.

- Nayru laughed too, a pleasant sound reminiscent of harp strings being played. Nayru gives Link the Harp of Ages in OOA.

- Aryll has switched the frog’s name to Dr. Calip, after the NPC in BOTW who gives you the Cursed Statue shrine quest.

- “It is thanks to you that I shall finally be free to roam the outside world, after all.” DANGER DANGER, the evil spirit wants to roam free and EAT MORE PEOPLE.

- Aryll spots the danger, but mistakes it for her desire to see Link end up with Mipha and no one else. Which we all agree with, of course, but it’s not the real reason she’s uncomfortable. Link, meanwhile, is oblivious to it, at least partially because he’s sinking deeper into despair and contemplating just letting Mipha go out of his intensifying self-hatred over what he’s done to her.

- Nayru's eager whisper broke into his thoughts. He glanced up and saw her eyes gleaming with a sort of hunger as she gazed across the room at him. DANGER DANGER, SHE WANTS TO DEVOUR YOU. Again, I choose my descriptive words very deliberately.

- Eerie purple light glowed around Nayru as she hovered in the air, and her face had been twisted into something that resembled a ReDead mask. Veran’s spirit form is indeed purple, and nobody who’s ever played OOT, MM, or WW can forget the ReDeads. my favorite monster I want them back dammit

- “Link?” Aryll pressed herself against his side and clutched at his arm. “There are a lot of skeletons in here...” Remember how Aryll was so excited about digging up a single skeleton back in Ikana? Not so fun anymore.

- In the show, the whole sequence of trying to avoid being eaten was creepy, but a bit more comedic too. I leaned fully into the horror that it truly would be here, not just because I wanted to write something scary, but also because I needed something that would traumatize Link enough to push him into the breakdown he has in the woods afterwards, setting the climax of the story in motion. His feelings of failure mirror what I headcanon he must’ve been going through just before he fell in Blatchery Plain as well, the despair he would’ve felt over being unable to prevent the fall of the kingdom, the deaths of his friends (especially Mipha, who he’s grieving the most), and knowing that he’s at his limit and about to die before he can get Zelda to safety. Which is another way that the appearance of that painting in the last chapter ties in.

- Aryll’s dream sequence! OH BOY. In the show, this is an entire episode, done in the style of 1930s animation, with musical numbers and everything. That doesn’t quite translate to prose, though, so I had to change and abridge it. More interestingly, though, there’s subtle hints in the show that the dream is not real, and is intended to lure Greg, the younger brother, into the clutches of the Beast. I decided to run with that. One of the hints in the show is that the gates you see seem to be made of ivory; in Greek myth, dreams pass through one of two gates, either horn or ivory. True dreams come through the gates of horn, while false ones pass through the gates of ivory. So naturally Aryll walks through gates of ivory to reach the tower.

The tower itself is the one located in the Cloud Tops in Minish Cap. Which, here, is ruled by Princess Hilda from Link Between Worlds, who has Aryll save her kingdom from the evil Yuga. This is all a HUGE hint that this is false, a trap. Because in ALBW, Hilda was conspiring with Yuga in a desperate bid to save Lorule. And who took over Yuga’s body as part of that plan? Ganon. BAM.

- And now the frog is being called Ezlo, after the talking cap in Minish Cap.

- Link is now so deeply in despair that the dekuwood is starting to grow around him, which is what motivates Aryll to make her deal with the Beast that brings everything to its eventual conclusion.

- A dark shape emerged from the curtain of snow; it was a small, plump man with a beard that covered the entire lower half of his face, rowing a rickety little boat. His eyebrows went up as he took in the sight of Midna lifting the unconscious Link into the air with her prehensile hair. “That is one strange fish you've caught there, missy...” This is the fisherman from Link’s Awakening.

- What Midna sees in the distance is the Great Deku Tree, but I wasn’t about to reveal that just yet.

and that does it for part five!

[loosenedidylls]

Blessings, Curses, Autism

My earliest memories are of waiting rooms with musty carpets and buckets of donated, broken toys. I guess it was worse for my parents, who had nothing to stare at but walls and trashy lifestyle magazines. Eventually, the professionals decided I had a condition called Asperger’s Syndrome, and there was one thing they wanted me to understand:

“It’s a blessing, not a curse.”

If someone asked me to list blessings off the top of my head, I’d mention 20/20 vision, pitch-perfect hearing, or George Foreman’s chin — not a neurological disorder that transforms the most natural stages of personal development into a confusing struggle. In hindsight, I would have preferred more concrete advice than ‘it’s a blessing, not a curse.’ Something like:

“Watch out for the train!”

…But the quippy slogan is what stuck. My parents dispensed it like a cheap plaster, and I still don’t know whose benefit it was for — mine, or theirs. What I do know, is that I never once believed them: I felt I was being brushed aside, or told to accept something blatantly untrue. Besides, children don’t care to question whether they’re blessed or cursed, so it was an answer to a question that hadn’t been asked. Existentialism is for adults trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Being an Autistic Child.

Autism is not a superpower. Thanks to certain pieces of popular media, you might think of autistic people as quirky-yet-brilliant detectives, awkward-yet-sexy hackers (always female), or nonverbal children with a deep, instinctive connection to whatever animal or alien the protagonists are trying to communicate with. Often, people with severe autism are plot devices in the same vein as a forbidden orb or set of nuclear launch codes. Instead of damsels waiting for Bruce Willis to save them, they’re objects waiting for Bruce Willis to understand them.

A lot of autistic people are brilliant academically, though not for the reasons you might think. A common feature of autism is hyper-fixating on ‘special interests’, obsessing over a subject until one has learned everything about it, before moving on to the next. Very few people become maths geniuses this way; more often they become diehard Sonic fans or start giving lots of money to Games Workshop. Here are a few of the phases I went through:

-          Thomas the Tank Engine.

-          Pokémon.

-          Old English monster myths.

-          Naruto.

-          Peter Jackson’s King Kong (both the movie and the video game).

-          Bleach (the anime, thankfully, not the cleaning product).

Fairly normal interests for a young person, right? Now remember the hyper-fixation part. People with Asperger’s tend to focus on certain interests at the expense of others, and those ‘rejected interests’ are usually vital for social development. Now remember that high school is a psychopathic hellscape crawling with cruel little monsters ready to vent their newfound territorial instincts on anyone who doesn’t fit in. The kid who wants to discuss the depiction of brontosauruses in a sort-of-okay remake of a 1933 movie isn’t doing himself any favours — constant bullying drives him even deeper into reclusive interests and solitary hobbies, and from there, it’s the luck of the draw whether those hobbies resonate with any of the kids around him.

I’ve always known a lot about things no one knows about, and nothing about things everyone knows about. This, along with the fact that a lack of social life makes it easy to focus on one’s studies, creates the illusion that some autistic kids are eccentric geniuses-in-the-making. Parents — especially the parents of autistic children — are quick to latch onto any display of intelligence. They watch intently for any sign their long struggle is paying off, and when it happens, they praise their child endlessly, reinforcing behaviour patterns both good and bad. Because adults told me I was intelligent, I told other children I was intelligent, and you can imagine how well that went.

This misapprehension — confusing a bunch of random trivia for genius — followed me into high school, hurting me all the while, which is ironic, because it was the only positive way I could think about myself.

I’m lucky to have found books and writing as lifelong passions, but that almost didn’t happen; in fact, I used to despise any writing task the teacher set for me, to the point of outright refusing to do the work. In my defence, I was trying very hard to be somewhere else at the time — mentally, that is. The idea of putting my feelings on paper, for all to see? I couldn’t conceive of anything more terrifying.

Harry Potter changed things. I was gifted The Deathly Hallows when it was first published, and even though I had no idea what was going on in the story (I hadn’t even seen The Order of the Phoenix yet), I thought it was wonderful — maybe because I was getting a sneak peek into a future movie. Since then, I’ve always had a book close at hand, and it wasn’t long before I started writing my own novels (more on those another time).

 Voracious reading was, technically, another un-social activity that would consume my waking hours, but at least it was productive. My grades improved dramatically. I got good at writing essays. I became better at expressing myself, and I started to consider other people’s points of view. I made friends, lifelong bonds. I wouldn’t say I was happy at that stage of life — bullies tend to push back against things like improved mental health — but at least I was growing.

Looking back, I can’t help but wonder how close I came to disaster. I was 13 or so. If I’d left it any later, I doubt the outcome would have been so peachy. There are plenty of autistic adults with no friends, no employable skills, no human contact but ageing parents and rare, fleeting therapy sessions. Many of these people are quirky and brilliant, but there’s no happy ending for them.

Being an Autistic Adult.

Autism never goes away. It never gets ‘better’. It isn’t curable because it’s not a disease, despite what the vaccine deniers might tell you; autism is an intrinsic part of my neurological makeup, and living with it is a process of compromises.

I had to accept, early on, that I’m not the same sort of human being as the people around me. My brain is a different brand of brain: it makes different connections, processes different bits of data at different speeds. Things that seem obvious to you, need to be explained to me. I struggle to read a room, and I’m never quite sure if the person I’m talking to would really rather I shut up.

Put simply, my childhood experiences made me keenly aware of myself as an outsider. I need to watch for people’s reactions to anything I say or do, all the while navigating a maze of social cues and left-unsaids — but sooner or later, I’m always going to slip up. When you are differently-brained, it’s easy to misinterpret instructions, or to misjudge which thread of discussion is most important; and when you’re processing so much data at any one time, small-yet-vital points are going to slip under the radar. The result is being told off, being laughed at (‘laughing with you, not at you’ is another fun slogan I’ve learned to endure), and generally feeling stupid or useless for overlooking one point of data among hundreds.

 As I grew into an adult, I got better at performing normal. Nowadays, only those who spend a lot of time around me can spot the signs of my condition: I seem confident, funny, sympathetic, and I make friends easily. As I write this, I can’t help but feel uneasy: it makes me wonder, and not for the first time, how much of my personality is genuine. In high-stress situations, the generic piece of advice is ‘relax and be yourself.’ Succeeding in life as an autistic person means learning not to be yourself, or at least creating a version of yourself that can exist in public — so, where does the real me end, and the performance begin? Are they one and the same? I’ll never know the answer to that question.

Being an autistic adult, then, means pretending I’m not autistic for the benefit of other people. It’s a lifelong, often exhausting performance, and the temptation to retreat into my shell is ever present. But, just like anyone else, I long for human contact, so the compromise is a necessary one.

Blessings & Curses: Redux.

Terry Pratchett wrote that humans need to learn to believe the little lies so they can believe in big ones. There’s something I wish I knew during the bad years; that I was far from the only person suffering from my condition. My parents were stumbling in the dark just like me, except they had to pretend everything was under control.

My dad confided in me, recently, how he used to cry — a lot — during those days when I would return from school after another worst day of my life, talking about footballs thrown at my head, being cornered and verbally abused, or being removed from class after another tantrum. These were practically daily occurrences, and they’ve left their lifelong marks on me, but I’ve never lacked for brilliant people willing to help, people who were alongside me in my suffering. Raising a child is hard, and raising a neurodivergent child is even harder. Can I blame my parents for wanting to believe in blessings, and not curses?

Most of the time, those bad years seem like a distant memory. I don’t see autism as my blessing or my curse; it’s just a part of me — a frustrating, limiting, often embarrassing part of me, but one just as vital as my eye colour or ethnicity. I’ve come to accept it and be content despite it, and I suppose that’s the best outcome I could hope for.

[reblogthiscrapkay]

The Myth of Persephone in “Mythic” The Musical

Most of these Persephone Project posts are for books or chapters of books so it’s always exciting and mildly anxiety-inducing to encounter a visual medium to write about. I’ve only done one musical in these Persephone Project write-ups and that was for my favorite musical, Hadestown. Now the myth of Persephone is underlying in that musical, which is part of what made writing about it a unique experience and I eventually expanded and edited my original write-up for the Hadestown Zine. But then my buddy Suzi told me about this musical. It took me a while to work up the nerve to listen to it as it’s a teen pop rock musical version of the myth of Persephone. If you couldn’t tell from me saying Hadestown is my favorite musical, I should say that teen musicals are not really my thing. I think “Heathers” is the only one I would cite as really liking. I wasn’t even into teen musicals when I was a teen. But in the interest of post consistency, I’m going to divide this into two parts: one where I specifically talk about the way the myth is done and one where I just talk about the show. The Myth In this version of the myth we get a lot of interesting character development for Persephone and Demeter that is happening concurrently throughout the show. Because of the “teen musical” concept the main theme is heavy on the ideas of growing up, finding one’s place in the world, and accepting your children’s adulthood.

To zero in on Persephone first, we find out somewhat repeatedly throughout the first three songs that she has lived her whole life on Earth and hasn’t really met the other gods but is motivated by a desire to find a place where she feels like she belongs. We get the sense that she feels smothered by her mother, a bit superfluous next her mother, and that while she’s okay with her life she hasn’t seen enough of the world to feel like she’s sure she wants to stay where she is. She wants her own purpose basically. The idea of shifting a focus to Persephone and giving her these motivations gets an A+ from me and is obviously a common feature of modern adaptions of the myth (I think this is most comparable to George O’Connor’s Hades comic).

She bumps into Aphrodite and convinces her to take her to a party Zeus is throwing for Athena (Aphrodite and Zeus are main characters numbers 4 and 5, by the way, and have their own motivations that I will get to). Seph says some not at all nice things to her mother before she leaves when Demeter tries to stop her. At the party Persephone doesn’t really have much fun and bumps into Hades who has come to yell at Zeus about a surplus of virgins in the Underworld. They chit chat a bit, she tells him he’s nice and he denies it, but this is an establishing of their chemistry. Another common trope in modern retellings: having them meet before going under.

Aphrodite then decides she wants to “stir shit up” and plans to do that by getting Hades to hook up with her. He shoots her down and as revenge she curses him to kiss Persephone (who I think is also cursed because she goes from “wow, my first kiss” to “take me to bed” in literally twenty seconds). Now the idea of their relationship starting from a love god’s influence is an interesting detail that is uncommon but certainly not unheard of. Ovid did it as was the case with Allison Shaw’s Persephone comic but I think both of those used Eros instead of Aphrodite. Either way, the force of their passion (or like, the force of Hades’ horniness at this point) leads to them going underground and Aphrodite is immediately sorry for what she did. We get this unique detail about how spells are broken underground which I’ve never heard before but kind of organically makes sense. Like, why would earth/sky god magic have any effect in the land of the dead? It works.

Once underground, they break apart and get awkward. I haven’t really addressed it yet but the interpretation of Hades in this one has elements I have never seen. First of all, his primary motivation in this one is just to be left alone. Persephone asks him to take her home and he tells her he can only go above ground once every six months. This six months rule I have really never heard of but I guess it does set the audience up for six months being an important concept later on and provides a reason for him to not help her. I mean, that reason could have been a lot of other things but it’s a reason. He then tells her to just go away and stay out of trouble and when they meet up later he apologizes for getting her stuck down there but basically says there’s nothing he can do. Overall, his characterization at this point reads as someone who is trying very hard to be perceived a certain way (a “deep, dark damaged soul”) but is actually just kind of socially awkward and not in any way bad.

Alone Persephone basically decides to go around sprucing up the Underworld through interactions with Charon, Ascalaphus, and Minos. Hades gets annoyed about it (annoyance is kind of his primary emotion) and after he thinks about locking her up over it, they have a heart-to-heart about his daddy issues and this reputation he never wanted. It’s kind of their starting to fall in love moment. Persephone then gets attacked by furies and Hades saves her. They have another actually falling in love moment where Persephone convinces him that the Underworld is actually kind of great and he believes her.

This should clinch things for their relationship but then Aphrodite shows up in the Underworld to try to fix things (a thing that definitely never happens and also kind of can’t) and Hades tells Persephone to go with her because he seems convinced that his feelings are still a part of the spell or something. Persephone refuses and basically tells him off that she likes it here and runs away. Then she chooses to eat the pomegranate mostly for personal reasons but one seed is definitely for “the guy I love”. The whole interaction is curiously hostile. It leaves me in this weird place of wondering if I should even be supporting this relationship.

After eating, Demeter shows up (again, a thing she probably can’t do) and she and Persephone make up and offer some tearful goodbyes since Persephone can’t leave now. Hades comes after hearing about the seeds, apologizes, offers to make her Queen of the Dead, and they kiss or something. Then Aphrodite and Zeus show up (WTF) for some Zeus Ex Machina that doesn’t work. Persephone gives Demeter back her powers since she’s Queen, which she lost going underground I guess because of the established curse rule but it’s kind of flimsy, and Demeter sets the six months rule since she is the maker of fruit anyway. While this ending feels sloppy in a lot of ways, I like the idea that Persephone and Demeter did these things for each other. I just wish Demeter’s decision didn’t come off so self serving and this probably could have been solved with a tip from, of all things, the Hercules: The Legendary Journeys interpretation where Persephone says outright that she doesn’t want to be forced to chose between them. At least it’s better than Zeus setting the rule, which is how it is in basically every other telling (except like, Hadestown). 

In Demeter’s concurrent plot, her primary motivation is find Persephone, of course, but to do this she has to get over this fact that everyone thinks of her as a lesser goddess without any real power. This was really strange to me, but that set up does pay off. She takes down a cyclops, confronts Zeus (a thing from most myths!), and then destroys the crops on hearing what happened to Persephone (also good). So her story is actually fairly in line with a lot of myth retellings except for this inferiority thing. Where does this come from? Well, that’s where her plot rubs up against Zeus (and also Aphrodite and implicitly Hades). Zeus’ primary motivation is to stay in charge and part of how he does this is by belittling everyone else. The Act 2 reveal for Demeter is that Zeus was lying about her weakness, and she’s only been operating on half a tank forever. Effectively, Zeus is the antagonist of the story. Kind of interesting since in a lot of versions of this myth, Zeus approving Hades suit of Persephone or alternatively offering Persephone to him, is the catalyst to the rest of the story, but this is seen as a neutral thing.

Overall, there were some interesting choices in adapting this myth to a musical for a teen audience. I feel like the Demeter plot works really well and that the Persephone plot works pretty well too. The problem I have is with how the Hades and Persephone aspect of this story is handled. It has a lot of great notes to it, but it doesn’t really come together because of the need for frequent denials and a sort of uncomfortableness with Hades character. From a strict story perspective, the concept of Hades and how his relationship to Seph develops is one of the weakest things about the book.

So that leads me to... The Musical

This musical is, uh, kind of a mess. 

As I said before, the ending is really sloppy and the book handles Hades’ character and his relationship with Persephone really poorly. Aside from eliminating or reframing some of those million times he denies her, I think the musical could have really benefited from a song or a dialogue scene where Hades is the main character. Persephone and Demeter have really well developed motivations and personalities because they have a lot of moments where they are speaking more to themselves than anyone else and we can see what they really think and feel. Aphrodite gets a few moments of this in act one and a whole song (that I dislike so much I can’t even listen to it) in act two. Zeus has a whole song explaining his drive. But every Hades song is in the context of him speaking to Persephone with the exception of a very brief moment in “Summer All The Time” where we get an initial vibe for who he is. A moment in act two when we can actually see his real thoughts and feelings towards Persephone would do a lot for making their relationship (and maybe even his denials of her) make sense. I really like the two songs they have together but the utility of those songs is different from actually showing what Hades really feels.

There are other weird book issues, the relationships between Zeus, Hades, and their father springs to mind, but I gotta move on.

To talk a bit more about the music and lyrics, this musical has a lot of cringe. Like, a lot. I have a whole document of the cringiest lines in it and it’s much longer than my lists of “ridiculous but great” lines and “just great” lines. There are so many failed attempts at being hip that I physically cringe when I listen to the soundtrack and after 20+ times I’m still cringing. I get that it’s directed at a teen audience, but I work with teenagers. I know they would cringe with me. The lyrics that aren’t cringe have a tendency to be kind of trite or unmemorable. I think Demeter’s songs are the least cringe, but they’re also some of the least interesting musically. The music overall is kind of blandly enjoyable really. The songs are fun mostly and I do really like some of them (”My Own Place In The Pantheon” is cute, “Mess Around” makes me want to dance, “Dark, Damaged Soul” is so cringe that it loops back around to fun pop punk, “Rebellious Children” makes me laugh, and both “Not A Chance In Hell” and “Beauty In The Darkness” give me some feelings) but none are a brilliant work that I would send to my non-musical friends as purely a good song. 

So about the acting and singing. Well, let me be clear that I did not see either the London or the Montreal productions (although tragically I think the London production was running at a time I was in London and Montreal is a long but not in any way unreasonable drive from my house so I’m not pleased to discover this musical so late). My opinion is based on the London soundtrack and an audio bootleg of the Montreal show (which is how I know all the dialogue bits too). 

I think London Persephone has a better voice but Montreal Persephone makes better acting choices (pitches her voice down a bit so she sounds a bit more mature, reads lines in much more reasonable ways, etc).

Both Demeters are good singers but I think Montreal Demeter makes better acting choices. She feels more authentically Demeter to me by mitigating the coward aspects of London Demeter.

Between Hadeses there is no contest. I love London Hades’ voice. As a Hadestown fan I was skeptical of a tenor Hades but his voice has this very beautiful sound in the lower notes (he doesn’t sound like Michael Arden but Michael Arden’s voice also has this quality and I love it) and it’s very powerful and he has just the right vibe to sell it. Montreal Hades has a very reedy voice and overall gives off a distinct whiny teen vibe that is just all wrong. Young Hades I am totally fine with in a story like this but he has to be mature to compensate.

Both Aphrodites are great. The character of Aphrodite is a type, and I’m fairly certain you will always be able to find a good Aphrodite.

The Zeus situation is weird because the interpretations of Zeus are wildly different in both productions. London Zeus has a nasally voice and a kind of guido look and vibe that I think works great. He’s really slimy. I feel like he’s going to pull out a wad of cash to make someone sleep with the fishes. Montreal Zeus is more big personality gospel singer and is styled accordingly. It doesn’t feel right for the character as written but it’s a fully integrated performance.

For our minor Underworld characters, they were all male in London but Montreal made Ascalaphus and Minos women, which I wholly cosign but I think Minos should have been an alto. Also Alecto is in it but male which is weird because Alecto is female. She’s a fury. Basically they genderbent everyone but Charon, I guess. Okay.

If you’ve got a choice of which to listen to (like if you have a Montreal hook-up) I still say go with London overall. It’s on YouTube.

So finally, I’m going to talk about the aesthetic. Both shows seemed to have really minimalist sets, which I’d kind of have to see in action to understand. It seems like an odd choice but it might just be a cost effective one. Every image from London looks more like a concert than a show (by product of the success of Six, maybe?) but the Montreal shots look a bit more “acting-y.”

As for costumes, oh boy. Let me present an image of our mains from London:

So let me ignore the obvious for a second to say that Demeter in both shows is very hippie and Aphrodite is always blonde and wearing some kind of shiny silver thing. Both of these things work. The Zeus’ as I said before are very different but tailored to the performance being given.

Now, um

A list of responses from my musical-going and myth-aware friends about this picture: * That is NOT THEM. * Oh no. * Looks like the costume designer was really inspired by American Idiot. * This takes me right back to high school in 2003. For the reference this is Persephone’s underworld look specifically but since her above ground look is a black t-shirt, jean shorts, fishnet tights, and Converse it’s not much of a change. I think both shows adopt this idea that the Underworld changes your wardrobe.

This mid-2000s pop punk styling is just a weird choice all around (although you could argue that Hades is actually more classic punk while Persephone is very specifically mid-2000s but still). On a more minor note, what’s with the hair? I mean there’s nothing saying you can’t have a blonde Persephone but why do this when you already have two other blondes in the main cast? Usually Persephone is a redhead or has brown hair and that would have been nice. With Hades hair I don’t even know what to say aside from why? I’m not going to say that Hades should only have dark, grey, or white hair depending on age (I’m gonna think it though) but this was a really curious choice. Also, the facial hair. Is that a John Waters mustache or am I losing my mind?

Montreal did a lot better here.

Hades’ look is solid. I like the warlock coat and how it’s kind of a fast track to intimidating. I like how without it he’s kind of at an intersection of art student and goth. It’s all good. I don’t even mind the hair because at least it’s not silly.

Persephone’s look is fine. I’m a little ruined by my friend pointing out that her above ground outfit is really 70s, but I’m trying to forget it. It’s better; I didn’t say it was the best they could do. Her underworld look is a great idea but that dress looks really unflattering to me. Maybe something like a black leather-y obi belt would really improve the shape and bring a bit more underworld to the look. Not sure what’s going on in the middle picture unless she has two underworld outfits but it looks fine. The barrettes were definitely a choice. Was flowers too obvious? Flowers would be better.

Also, Ascalaphus is adorable.

So in conclusion, someone hire me to red pen this musical so it can be good enough to continue its life after covid. I have a special place in my heart for flawed musicals that need a good red penning. 

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Predictions and Musings for 10b (Mostly Musings ;D)

Okay, let’s talk predictions. The big question everyone is asking is whether I think we’ll see Beth in 10x10, or, more broadly, when I think we’ll see her.

I’m not willing to rule out that we’ll see her in 10x10. If we do, I think it will be minimal. Like an after-the-credits scene where only the audience sees her, but none of the characters do. That said, as we head into 10b I’m feeling more and more like she won’t actually surface until the season finale. Again, not ruling out 10x10, and I’d be happy to be wrong. But that’s not my strong, gut feeling either.

I’ll explain why. And I’m going to frame this post in terms of clocks. We’ll talk about the clock in Edwards’ office in 5x08, the 10:16 clock in 7x08, and how I see the rest of the season playing out.

Let’s start 7x08. I’m not sure how me and my fellow theorists even got started on this, but we’ve been discussing it for the past week or two. It may just have been that someone (it really wasn’t me) remembered the clock.

So here’s the thing: when Daryl escapes the Sanctuary in 7x08, he runs into Dwight’s room after a vat of pickles spills in front of him. He hides there for a time before escaping. Behind him, when he runs down to the corridor is a clock that read 10:16. Now, during s8, most of us were still hoping Beth would appear sometime during or near the end of All Out War, so we weren’t seriously considering S10 for her reappearance at that time. So we weren’t sure what the clock represented.

Now, as we’re in S10, and we’ve had all these ridiculous clues that she’s about to reappear, the 10:16 clock becomes really interesting. Because 10x16 will be the season finale of this season.

Remember that in this scene, when Daryl goes into Dwight’s room, there’s a ridiculous amount of Beth symbolism. He eats peanut-butter, he looks at the chess pieces, several of which are reminiscent of Grady, there are fish on the wall (water), we see his scars, etc. And of course this is him escaping his imprisonment, which has heavy parallels to Beth being imprisoned at Grady. So everything about this scene screamed Beth.

But let’s talk specifically about what happens in front of the 10:16 clock. Daryl is trying to escape and some Saviors who are evidently handling food supplies drop a glass jar of pickles and it breaks, spilling across the corridor. That’s why Daryl runs into Dwight’s room. These Saviors talk about cleaning it up and he doesn’t want to be seen. He waits until they’re done cleaning up the mess and the corridor is empty again before making a break for it.

So, do you remember what’s up with pickles? Via the St. Nicholas/Pickle story (X, X, X) there should be three resurrections at some point. Daryl’s “I Never” line in Still about Santa Clause probably points to this. What Santa Clause/St. Nicholas will bring him is a resurrected Beth. 

(We also had a big emphasis on pickles during S7 via Eugene.)

But the myth says that St. Nick resurrected not one, but three boys/children/people depending on the version. I’ve theorized that the three resurrections will be the three remaining death fake out couples. (Glenn is dead for real, so not him.) I think the resurrections will be Beth, Rick, and Ezekiel. We haven’t seen Ezekiel’s death fake out yet, but I still think we will. And per Jerry’s shoe thing in 10x09, I think he’ll be involved.

Do all three resurrections have to happen simultaneously? I don’t think they HAVE to, but they COULD. And given that there’s a good chance that Beth and Rick are in the same place (helicopter people) I think there’s a good chance they will.

But the point here is that Daryl sees the pickles in front of the 10:16 clock. The way I’m interpreting that is that St. Nicholas will bring Daryl his gift at least in episode 10x16. So that’s why I think it’s less likely that we’ll see actually see her in 10x10.

Also, @wdway​ found something interesting in Slabtown that may support this:

“This is the scene where Beth has just come from Dawn's office and she is stopped in the hall by Dawn. It's always been strange about how this number was featured. I also want to point out the envelope type hang on the door if you enlarge it you can see that it's a pink (Pink Theory)…. Back to the number 5+5+6=16. So we have a 16 there's no true way of knowing if it's directed to this episode 16 or not.

Let's play around with what 16 and what these numbers in TWD world might look like as far as episodes. In s5e16 Conquer. In s5 series episode 56 was Self-Help. (Both very Beth-centric symbolism episodes.) Looking at 16, series number 16 was s2e10, 18 Miles Out (Beth’s suicide attempt). S1e6 was TS-19, the episode where TF was at the CDC eventually blew it up. (For this reference, see @angelthefirst1’s meta HERE.) By the way in the little library in the facility during a scene with Lori and Shane there is a 10-10 clock in the bookcase.”

But what does that mean for 10x10?

Well, let’s talk about the clock in Edwards’ office in 5x07. We’ve never done a very convincing job of figuring out what this clock points to. The hour hand points to the 10 while the minute hand points to the 8. Again, back in S5, we were definitely NOT thinking this pointed to S10. So there’s that. But even if we do so now, it seems to point to 10x08, the MSF. And MAYBE that’s a thing. I think there’s one way it could be, but overall it’s not terribly convincing. More on that in a minute.

But here’s the thing:

I actually think this clock may point to episode 10x10. Let me explain why. Warning: it involves math.

Due to Jesus’ death, we figured out that an hour represents a season as a whole, rather than the individual numbers pointing to episodes. That doesn’t work as there are only 12 numbers and 16 episodes. We saw the 9:30 clock behind Jesus and Carl in S7 and Jesus died in 9x08, which was exactly half-way through the hour/season. So I got out my trusty calculator and did some math. I tried this several different way and WAY over complicated it for myself. The easiest way to do it is this:

If you divide 1 hour 16 ways (by 16 episodes) each episode would be represented by 3.75 minutes. So if they want to point to something in episode 8, they would do 3.75 minutes multiplied by 8 episodes and you get 30. So they would point the minute hand of the clock toward 30 minutes (as they did with Jesus) to represent something happening in the MSF (episode 8). I hope that makes sense.

If you’re a visual person, check out this pie chart. If the minute hand is pointed at the 8 (40 minutes) then you divide that by 3.75 minutes for each episode, and you get roughly 10. Now, it’s not exact. It should be pointed at 37.5 minutes rather than 40. And honestly, it might be. This clock is very blurry because it’s in the background, and it may point to slightly before the 8. It’s just too hard to tell for sure.

Hence, I think this clock points to 10x10.

Now, anyone who reads @frangipanilove​’s posts knows her theory is that the 10x10 clock actually points to 10x11 for various reasons. (Read HERE). And I can totally get behind that. I don’t know how it will all play out but she’s got some amazing evidence and it won’t bother me at all if this is actually pointing to ep 11 rather than 10. What she and I have kind of settled on is that both episodes (10 and 11) are sure to be super-important.

Different clocks truly do need to be interpreted different ways. For example, the 10:16 I mentioned above. Applying the number system I laid out above to it doesn’t produce anything specific. So I really think that clock, which reads a time of 10:16, literally points to episode 10x16. For the 10:10 clock, this system KIND of works. It obviously wouldn’t point to 10x10, but it would be 10x02 or 10x03. Both those episodes had lots of TD symbolism in them, but nothing much beyond that. But of course 10x02 plays into your 2 and 11 theories, and the fact that 2x10 was 18 Miles Out.

And then there’s THIS POST about how the time 10:10 on a clock has historically represented when certain famous assassinations happened. So, it’s possible we shouldn’t be reading into the numbers on this clock at all.

I can totally see tptb using different systems for different clocks, specifically to throw us off and make the symbolism insanely hard to interpret.

But what will be in episode 10 and/or 11?

Obviously this is all speculation, but let’s return to this scene in 5x07 and some things I’ve mentioned earlier in the week. Beth goes into Edwards’ office to ask what medicine she needs to give Carol to save her. He tells her, and then she walks into the dark tunnel/hallway. They also talk about Beth having the “key” to the drug locker.

So I’m thinking what we’ll get in 10x10 or 10x11 is the “key” to where Beth is and it will have a lot to do with healing. Part of it is healing Carol. (I’ll talk more about Carol tomorrow because there’s a LOT going on with her right now and it ties directly into Beth’s return.) But I know a lot of people have theories that Beth will bring a cure for the zombie virus as well. I don’t harp on that overly much, but I think it’s a real possibility, especially with what we know of the helicopter people and them purifying water. So this scene in Edwards’ office was a direct foreshadow of when/how/in what manner Beth will return.

For me, I think it will be directly tied to Connie. I’ve been saying since the beginning of the season that 1) Connie would get a death fake out. We’ll have to wait and see what Daryl finds, but I think this episode was the beginning of Connie’s death fake out. I think he’ll either not find her and Magna at all (just gone) or else maybe he’ll find blood and her sling shot or something else that makes him think she’s dead. Eaten by walkers. So I think he’ll believe she’s dead and for him it will be a major replay of Beth’s death.

So if anything along those lines happens, I think that in episode 10/11 he’ll find out that she’s alive and where she is. You know how I keep saying he and Carol will jump on his bike and go look for someone, and I’ve said I think it will be Connie? Yeah, it’s really kinda happening that way, guys. I can’t say for sure they’ll go on his bike, but much like back in S5, they’ll leave together to go find someone who’s (most likely) been taken hostage by another group. In S5 it was Beth. Here, it will be Connie. And we’ve solved the problem of why Carol would go with Daryl: because the cave in was her fault and she has super-heavy guilt over it.

And I think Connie will end up where Beth is in some way and will help bring Beth back to Daryl, fulfilling the symbolism from 10x01 where she brought Dog to him on the beach. So I’m thinking we’ll learn Connie’s whereabouts in ep 10/11 and while it won’t be about Beth in an obvious way, it will lead to her. And maybe Daryl will finally come face to face with Beth in 10x16. That’s what I’m hoping for, anyway. But again, these are just predictions and could prove to be wrong.

More random-but-compelling evidence for 10x16? This also from @wdway​:

“While I was looking at all this from I remembered something that I played around with a while back and I even mentioned it I think to you guys but now that it's closer to us it might mean more. At the end of the episode Coda we have the fire truck and that number on the side the 82. Coda series number = 59. 82+59= 141. S10e10 will be series number 141.”

This may not entirely fit into what I said above, but maybe we’ll learn what happened to the fire truck, or just what happened during the missing 17 days, in episode 10x10? No idea. Just a thought.

This is more general, but in terms of episode structure, consider this: Beth disappeared in ep 8 and the music box woke up in ep 10. I know Connie won’t technically disappear until ep 9 but the catastrophe leading to it happened in ep 8 and Beth was technically in 5x09. So having Connie “show up” again in some capacity in ep 10 makes sense. Just saying.

One more note: given that we are already experiencing a death fake out for Connie, and that I think she’ll end up where Beth is, and by extension, where Rick is, it has occurred to me that she might be the third pickle resurrection, rather than Ezekiel.

Maybe.

Overall, I still lean toward Ezekiel. Why? Well, mostly because he’s one of the four death fake out couples. And while I love Connie, she’s not AS mainstream a character as Ezekiel. I don’t think she’s had enough time on the show, enough depth of character to qualify as the 3rd pickle resurrection. But I also mentioned Jerry because of the shoe thing in this episode. And of course Heath and Jadis/Anne are still missing as well. So there might be several minor character returns that go along with the three big ones. But I still think overall the big ones will be Beth, Rick and Ezekiel. We’ll just have to wait and see.

Okay, other predictions.

Episode 14:

As I said, I’ll talk more about how Carol fits into all of this tomorrow, and there are a lot of ties, but here are some basic speculations about 10x14.

We know people often die in episode 14 of a season. (4x14: Mika and Lizzie; 5x14: Noah; 6x14: Denise, etc.) Some of my fellow theorists have thought for some time that Father Gabriel will die before Beth returns.

Why? Because he’s the embodiment of the Sirius symbol.

Okay, this becomes a really interesting discussion about the Sirius symbolism and the characters who embody it. Remember the Sirius symbolism has to do with dogs, stars, and having only one eye. I can’t think of a character who embodied the Sirius symbolism in 5b, after Beth was shot. Noah, perhaps. Honestly, nothing about him screams Sirius to me. Other things to do with Beth symbolism? Yes. But Sirius, not so much. Although there is that shot of him looking at the blue dog collar in Them after they eat the wild dogs.

In S6, Denise showed up. She had both eyes, but there was a motif about her glasses and her being kinda blind. Not to mention, she died by being shot through the eye.Though she didn’t died BEFORE Carl lost his eye, she died soon after. She also saved his life. 

At that point, Carl, with his one eye and many ties to Beth, becomes something of a Sirius embodiment.

In S8, Carl dies. And right about that same time, Father Gabriel loses his sight in one eye, in an episode that ALL kinds of callbacks to Still, Alone, and Coda. Since then, he’s been the embodiment of the Sirius symbolism.

See why we suspect he might die before or right around the time Beth reappears? 

It’s also interesting to note that he was perhaps the last one to speak her name. He talked to Maggie about her in Them, and while we saw Beth in Sasha’s flashback in that, and since then in the portraits hanging at Hilltop over Maggie’s desk, no one has actually said Beth’s name since FG did in Them.

In other words, the last person to have spoken Beth’s name is now the embodiment of the Sirius symbolism.

Other stuff on episode 14:

It’s important to note that we don’t KNOW any of this stuff about episode 14. People in the fandom are simply speculating on it. We know there will be an episode entitled “Look at the Flowers” and given that that phrase was so heavily emphasized in 4x14 with the girls, it would make sense for it to be the title of 10x14.

This from @wdway​:

“People have been speculating for the last couple of months that episode 14 will be the episode at the hospital that was used in Slabtown. We also have had sightings of the King in the city which makes people think it might have to do with the story line that has been set up with his thyroid condition.

I want to show you a shot that's taken from earlier this season where the king is on the Hilltop radio waiting for Carol to come and he's going to tell her about his condition but before she gets to the radio he stops and leaves. This is a shot of the radio.

Look up the number at the top the very top one is 145. Now we know that the comic book issue of 45 is when Andrea wakes up from being shot in the head. And here's the radio set at channel 145 and the King is about to talk to Carol and it's concerning a medical issue. You probably know what I'm about to say serie number 145 will be S10e14.”

To me, this also backs up the idea of Ezekiel’s death fake out. The 145 ties directly to Andrea’s death fake out in the comic books.

I’ll end there. I think I’ve rambled enough for one day.

Disclaimer: I wrote this over a week ago, before Ep 9 even aired. So yes, I know that due to spoilers, some of the stuff I’ve written above is already invalid. For example, it doesn’t look like we’ll see Connie in 10x10 or find out anything about the missing 17 days.

I didn’t want to change anything in this post, partly because I’m lazy 😋 and partly because, as far as these being possibilities we’re considering, they’re still valid, even if they don’t happen in this coming episodes. Just think of them as food for thought.

So, thoughts?  😉

[cyclone-rachel]

pay the asking price

a Supergirl fanfic

chapter 8: read on AO3 here

previous chapters: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7

~

It took too long for Kara to notice.

She just assumed (and nobody told her otherwise) that he was caught up in work- either the assignments James was giving him or the stuff Winn had involved him in at the DEO, Brainy was doing both, and he’d assured her they would be done to the best of his abilities.

Which was to say, impeccably. Especially as he assured Kara and the others that none of his work would affect the timeline significantly, which was a burden off of his shoulders once he’d finished calculating those odds. She was sure, now, that he was much happier, set at ease knowing he wouldn’t cause a major paradox continuing to do what he was good at… but when Alex had asked if anyone wanted to go with her to the alien bar, Kara and Winn had agreed. Brainy, meanwhile, was nowhere to be seen, and the simple fact that it’d taken this long for Kara to feel uneasy about it worried her.

Suddenly, she couldn’t stomach any more of what she’d been drinking, and when Winn asked her if she wanted to finish up his chicken wings (that may or may not have actually been chicken, she’d enjoyed the look on his face when she’d questioned it too much for her to confirm), she refused.

“Turning away food? That’s not like you.” He commented. “Oh well.”

He continued eating them anyway, and Kara barely focused on how James and Winn’s hands brushed when James went to get one of Winn’s wings (or for that matter, the looks they’d given each other when Kara had dismissed Guardian). Nor did she really notice Alex and Maggie, and how unsteady and tense Alex looked while talking to her, in contrast to how enamored of her Alex had seemed after she had come out to Kara.

“You okay?” she managed to ask, once Alex came back to sit down next to her.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Alex answered.

(which meant Kara was almost certainly going to have to stop by Alex’s apartment with her version of comfort food later)

“So…” she continued. “Where’s Brainy? I mean, we work in the same building half the time and even I haven’t been able to track him down yet.”

“I don’t know.” Kara answered. “I was just wondering the same thing, actually. He could always be working.”

“I didn’t give him anything new today, don’t blame me.” James cut in. “In fact, I haven’t seen him since yesterday.”

“Me neither.” Winn answered. “We were supposed to train, but- well, guess we have to reschedule that.”

“Well, maybe we don’t need to worry at all.” Kara said. “He could just be having fun on Earth, now that he has an image inducer. He might’ve met someone; we don’t know…”

~ Querl was still shaking when he came to, and found himself (unsurprisingly) in a small prison cell.

“If you could just tell me why I’m here, I- I promise it will be a good conversation starter.” He said. He was leaned against the corner of the cell, arms against the metal bars, and when he looked down at himself, he realized he was still wearing the clothes he’d had when he was captured.

And that his image inducer was off. Which was definitely a problem- but when he touched it, or attempted to mentally activate it, it wouldn’t turn on again.

“Very well, I give up.” He continued. He didn’t know why he was talking- perhaps it made his tremors seem less worrying, or temporarily quieted the anxiety he was feeling trapped in here. Of course, he knew what it felt like to wake up in prison (he’d done too much of it) but this was a kidnapping, in an unfamiliar time, when there were very few people who even cared about his wellbeing enough to know that his being captured was a possibility.

So, he reasoned, nobody could blame him for being nervous.

“What is- what’s your favorite baseball team?” he asked. “A friend of mine was trying to teach me about sports in this century. I tried to tell him that one of my other friends was an Olympic athlete, but he seemed very confused when it came to the actual sporting events he competed in. Baseball is the one with the… the hoop, and the tall people bouncing the ball, correct? Perhaps he gave me misinformation on that front.”

The guard walked past his cell, either unable to hear him or unwilling to engage in conversation.

“Oh, a ring!” he said. “I suppose one of you would be married. It seems unlikely, given the behavior you engaged in when you brought me here, however, you have been successful in dating endeavors, which I will have to say is admirable. Even for someone who belongs to an organization such as yours. I do, however, express sympathy for whoever married you...”

That caused the guard to turn around, drawing a gun and pointing it at Querl.

“Don’t think you’re so important I won’t shoot you.” He said.

“Well, that would be a relief, from staring at your ugly face.” Querl answered, shooting up suddenly to try and grab the gun. His own ring was gone, and that was a loss that ached inside of him- that ring was so important to him, so costly, it was one of his only creations that was a complete success, it had enabled so many Legionnaires to save countless lives- but he could figure out how to get it back.

Of course he would.

Right now, however, he was occupied with getting the gun away from the guard and reaching through the bars to take his keys, using them to unlock his cell. Then, after checking to make sure his ring wasn’t in that room (which it was not) he ran.

But of course, his captors wouldn’t let him go so easily, and while he tried to unlock the second barred door he’d seen, thanking whoever was listening that his shaking had slowed, people suddenly came out of a side door to block his way back to the other room.

“Leaving so soon?” asked the woman whose voice he’d heard when he was captured. She didn’t look like- she truly hardly resembled the person she had reminded him of, but her voice still sent a chill down his spine.

Her compatriots, however, were carrying someone familiar to him.

“J’onn?” he asked.

“Brainy, get out of here.” J’onn said, while two other guards held him back.

“If you want your friend to live, I suggest you don’t listen to him and stand down.” The woman answered, unfazed.

“Don’t listen to her, run!”

One of the guards punched J’onn in the face, and he went down, as Querl shouted in protest- and although Querl knew he was strong enough to take everyone else there out and carry J’onn to safety, he suspected he would learn more about what was going on if he complied, for the moment.

And, for that matter, he would get his ring, if he stayed and was rescued, which was a likely possibility and reward enough.

“Okay. Okay!” he said, putting his hands up and dropping the key he had been holding. J’onn lay on the ground, still, in pain.

“Now that’s a good choice.” The woman said, and Querl’s world slipped into darkness once more.

~ “NCPD has Guardian pinned down near the wharf. They just called for backup.” Kara heard Alex say while she was patrolling the city. As much as Kara drew her power from the sun, she did like flying at night, too- it was nice to see all the lights, be reminded that each belonged to someone who she might’ve saved. Someone she would try to save, anyway. Each one gave her hope, motivated her to continue on even when things seemed dark.

“I’m on it.”

And that would’ve been all well and good- except for the sharp sound that assaulted Kara’s ears, knocking her off-balance.

But she regained her focus, hovering in the air with her hands over her ears, enough to hear the message she was getting.

“Hello, Kryptonian.” The woman said. To Kara, her voice was all too familiar, and all thoughts of Guardian were suddenly much less urgent.

“Cadmus.”

“Got it in one.” She answered. “And do you know why we call ourselves that? Cadmus was the very first Greek hero.”

“If you think you’re a hero, you’re crazier than I thought.”

“I’m inviting you over.” She didn’t bother to counter Kara’s accusation, which only supported her point. “We already have a guest waiting for you. Your Coluan friend. But, if you tell anyone where you’re headed, he dies. If you refuse to come, he dies. Come to me, Supergirl. But I should warn you. In the myths, Cadmus was really only famous for one thing: He killed monsters.”

Kara knew she was calling her a monster, and Cadmus- the organization- would treat her accordingly, but… what choice did she have? She had to save Brainy.

She sped off, in the sound of her voice, crashing through the window of what had to be the Cadmus building. She did (what she, at least, considered) a pretty impressive landing, and proceeded through the building, apparently without any obstacles in her way.

It didn’t seem like Cadmus- not until she met who she now knew to be the real Hank Henshaw (or Cyborg-Superman, as he referred to himself- an absurd name, but said with conviction). Who now worked for Cadmus, dedicated to ending alien life on Earth.

Martian or not, he was strong enough to fight her to a standstill. And she hoped, as she succumbed to unconsciousness, that Brainy would be alive when (if) she woke up. ~ When Kara woke up, breathing heavily, she saw metal bars above her.

They were in front of her, too, and on both sides- and to her right…

“Oh. Brainy.” She said, relief in her voice.

“Kara. Are you okay?”

Kara barely nodded.

“Now I know how bad guys feel when I pummel them.” She said. “I mean, I’ve been pummeled before, but… not like this.”

She stared at the ceiling- it didn’t quite feel like it was going to cave in on her, but it still wasn’t the most comfortable place she’d ever been in, and all she wished was that she’d been just a little bit stronger, that she was able to defeat Hank and get Brainy out with no obstacles in her way.

But even she had her limits, and she knew one way or another- or at least she hoped- that she’d make sure Brainy would be safe again, back in the DEO until he could find a way to his real home.

“So yeah, I’m okay.” Kara continued, before standing up to examine her cell. There was green light around her, which automatically made her feel uneasy, even if it wasn’t actually Kryptonite.

“They captured J’onn, too.” Brainy said.

“That wasn’t J’onn. Remember I once told you, J’onn assumed the identity of a human?”

“Yes. So… this was Hank Henshaw, that I met- and J’onn is still safe.”

“Yeah. That’s the human. Only they enhanced him, somehow.”

“Yes, I could tell.” Brainy answered. “Although I did not realize it until after I was imprisoned here, but before you arrived.”

“Sorry.” Kara said, before trying to bend the bars of her cell. She tried her hardest, but… nothing.

“The bars are made of Nth-metal, from Thanagar.” Brainy pointed out, as she was groaning from the effort, face scrunching up as she attempted to move them. “They’re unbreakable.”

And I should know.

“You know, Nth-metal is also one of the substances with which I built my Legion ring.” Brainy continued. “And the rings belonging to the rest of the Legion.”

“Congratulations.” Kara answered. “Seriously, that’s… that’s great. But you don’t have your ring, do you? Can you… summon it, or whatever, and use it to break the bars?”

“No.” he said. “I designed them with the intent that the wearer wouldn’t be separated from them. But… I will consider that.”

“Thanks. But we still need to find another way to get your ring back, so if you have any ideas…”

“Funny story- no, not funny at all, but Winn told me that such a phrase is what you use when telling any story, regardless of the humor in it- the last time I was near Thanagar, I-“

I wasn’t myself.

“Brainy?”

“Never mind. A-another time, perhaps.”

“Right.” Kara said.

“So. This is the infamous Cadmus.”

“Yeah, no kidding.” Kara answered, putting a hand to her ear. “They sent me a message. It still kinda hurts, actually.”

“Oh. I apologize.” Brainy said.

“Not your fault.” Kara told him. “Besides, I think they kidnapped you to get to me.”

“In that case, I definitely apologize.”

“It’s okay. Now that we’re here… if we get through this in one piece, we can learn about what they really want, and who’s behind it all.”

“What they want, besides wiping aliens off the face of the Earth?”

Kara almost wanted to laugh, at how casual he made it sound.

“I have encountered groups like this before. I understand.” He said.

“In that case, yeah. Exactly that.”

Who else have you faced? she wondered. What kinds of things have you gone through?

Are you okay?

Those questions would have to wait. Especially until they were in a safer, and lighter, place.

~ “Supergirl!”

Kara and Brainy looked up immediately, watching the woman who’d given Kara her message, the woman who kidnapped Brainy. She strode in, attention on Kara.

“I don’t think we’ve been introduced.”

“I’ve seen you before.” Kara said, holding the bars of her cell to make sure she was still steady. “In Lena Luthor’s office. What were you doing there?”

“I might ask you the same.” She answered. “I don’t like the idea of you around my daughter.”

Lillian Luthor, Querl thought. Of course. Wife of Lionel Luthor, mother of Lex, stepmother of Lena- though at this point, she is unaware of such…

No wonder he felt uneasy around her. And, for that matter, why she was familiar to him- although there was still someone else she resembled, who wasn’t part of that family line at all.

“You’re Lillian Luthor.” Kara breathed, coming to the same conclusion. “Lex and Lena’s mother.”

“I’m a lot of things.” Lillian answered. “A doctor, a patriot, a mother.”

“A liar, a kidnapper, a killer… does Lena know about Cadmus? Does she know who her mother really is?”

“And what are you to my daughter?” Lillian said, in a dangerous tone of voice.

Querl could only watch, as Kara and Lillian battled verbally, but he knew as he did that there was no moment where he admired Kara more, than when she was standing up to her.

(Perhaps there were others- but right then, when Lillian had all the power in the situation and Kara was in a cage, she hadn’t sounded stronger or spoken with more conviction.

At least, not in situations where Querl could hear her)

“I’m a friend.” Kara said.

“Heard that before.” Lillian answered. “Years ago, Superman came to my son Lex, and promised him the world. A new dawn for mankind… Lex believed him, poor thing.”

Lies.

“Then he watched.” Lillian continued, walking around the cell, leaning forward with her hands on the bars, glaring at Kara. “As your kinsman infected this country with his propaganda, as his power became unchecked. And when Lex tried to take that power back, Superman convinced the world Lex was evil.”

He is.

“My darling boy.” Lillian lamented, shaking her head just a little. “My genius son, an actual Superman, behind bars for life. Because you and your kind will stop at nothing to poison the Earth.”

Querl and Kara were both standing now, watching her, and Kara stood further away from Lillian as she answered her.

“You’re out of your mind.”

“We’ll agree to disagree.” Lillian said, taking one hand off of the bar, then moving away from it entirely, walking back around to the front of the cell.

“So what am I doing here?”

“I need something from you. I need you to be human, for a little while. I know from your fight with Red Tornado when you expel enough heat vision, you deplete the solar radiation in your cells, leaving you as helpless as any mere mortal.”

Any Kryptonian, Kara itched to correct her, as her hand tightened around one of the cell bars. And that is nothing to be ashamed of.

But she wouldn’t let Lillian get that satisfaction, she decided as she watched one of Lillian’s guards bring something to her.

“I’ve designed this helmet to absorb the radiation.”

“You want me to solar-flare.” Kara said. “That’s never gonna happen.”

“I can’t hurt you.” Lillian answered, taking a taser out of one of her guards’ pockets. “But I can hurt him.”

She aimed the taser at Querl, and instantly he fell back- there was the pain again, what he felt when her agents knocked him out and brought him there in the first place.

It wasn’t enough to make him unconscious, but perhaps that was a curse rather than a blessing in that case.

“We’ve been studying your friend.” Lillian said. “And I’ve been studying Lex’s notes, regarding another alien he worked with- another traitor, named Brainiac. Both are powerful, but their internal systems are particularly susceptible to these weapons. Say you’ll do it, and I’ll let him live. Or I can just hit him again, in his heart-“

“No, no, okay, okay, I’ll do it, stop!” Kara protested. Querl stared up at her, grateful but mostly worried.

“Please. Don’t.”

“I’m not gonna let you die.” Kara insisted, before walking over to the door of the cell. “Give me the helmet.”

The guards escorted Kara out of the cell, then, and Lillian placed the helmet on Kara’s head with all the grace of someone bestowing a crown upon their queen.

Or a Kryptonite crown, given to a king of weaklings…

But this was different. Kara was giving up her power, willingly, for him. And this time, he would see to it that she survived for the foreseeable future, as long as she had to.

I’m revising my previous thought, he considered as he watched her solar-flare. This is the most admirable thing I’ve ever witnessed from Kara.

She didn’t scream, at first. She started to breathe heavily, and the lights flickered on and off as Lillian smirked, lightbulbs beginning to pop as Kara expended more and more of her heat vision. But eventually she did, letting out a final yell, head raised as she let out the last of her energy before she collapsed.

One of the guards took the helmet off, and she fell, but she was still conscious. Lillian lifted her up, holding her as she was on her knees, struggling to get away from her.

“Thank you.” Lillian said. Then she slapped Kara, pulling her up again and holding her chin in one of her hands as she saw that she’d made Kara’s lip bleed.

“Well!” she announced, touching the blood and rubbing it between her fingers. “It worked.”

She nodded at the guards.

“Take her.” She said, and Kara was dragged out of the room.

“Supergirl!” Querl said, trying to pull himself up- but he was too shaky, still. “SUPERGIRL!”

~ “What are you gonna do with me?” Kara asked, mind still foggy. She couldn’t tell where she was going, or how she was moving at all. But when she was conscious again, she was being strapped to a table like in all the nightmares she’d had when she was first on Earth (brought on by Jeremiah, really, telling her what people could do to her once they found out she was an alien), a huge lamp that was nothing like the sun shining down on her. “What are you doing? She was supposed to save Brainy. That was our deal! Where is she?”

“I suggest you relax.” Lillian said, a black mask over the lower part of her face. She held a large needle, which Kara had never been afraid of before- but with this atmosphere, reminiscent of the horror movies Alex liked to watch, she was starting to be. “It’ll all be over soon.”

Kara began breathing rapidly, again, as Lillian’s needle approached, going into her arm.

“W-why do you need my blood?”

~

Before she knew it, it was over, and Kara was being dragged back into her cell beside Brainy.

Someone shoved her, and she was slammed against the cell wall, falling back and hitting the ground roughly as the door was shut.

“Kara. What did they do to you?”

“They took my blood.” She said, crawling over to where he sat, and pulling herself up so she could sit beside him. Almost like they were in the same cell- separated by only a few inches, and some Nth metal.

“And?”

“And… that was it.” Kara answered as she leaned back.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m scared.” She admitted. “Brainy… Querl, if something happens, if I don’t get out of here, I need you to tell Alex something for me.”

“Anything.”

“I need you to tell her to just… keep living her life, on her own terms. Tell her I wasn’t scared, okay?”

Querl nodded.

“If I don’t make it out and you do, you’re welcome to tell her I was not scared either.” He said. “Although in this case, it is logical to be afraid.”

“Thanks, that’s very comforting.” Kara said.

“Right.” Querl answered. “But I just keep thinking… if I die in this cell, maybe I deserve to.”

Because of my family. Because of my own history with cells just like these, on planets dedicated to holding criminals, because of what I once did, because I can’t tell you the real reason I’m here-

Because I can’t tell you any of this, either.

“You don’t deserve to die.” Kara answered immediately, fiercely. “You deserve to survive. You’re a Legionnaire. Clark said that, you’re a hero. And you don’t believe that yourself?”

“Kara, about that, there’s something I have to tell you-“

But right then, Kara’s cell opened.

“Come with me.” Beckoned a figure in a black jacket, hood over his head.

“Who are you?”

He took the hood off, and Kara stared.

“Kara.” He said. “It’s me.”

“Jeremiah.” She whispered. “I can’t believe it…”

She launched herself forward, hugging him, and he held her just as tight.

“We have to move.” He said, and moved to unlock Querl’s cell.

But by then, Querl had fallen unconscious again, and when the door was open, he slumped onto the floor.

“Oh my god, Brainy.”

~

“He’s going to be fine, he’s already recovering from the taser.” Jeremiah said.

“We should’ve found you sooner.” Kara answered. “But Brainy needs to get his ring, it should be somewhere around here.”

Jeremiah smiled, and pulled it out of his pocket.

“Thought this looked special.” He said. “Like something your cousin showed me once.”

Kara nodded.

“Yeah, he and Brainy worked together.” she said, sliding it onto one of Brainy’s fingers, holding his hand to keep the ring from being shaken off.

“Got it. But you finding me sooner doesn’t matter now- you were off saving the world. And I am so proud of who you’ve become.”

Kara smiled, blinking away tears.

“But… but Alex, when she sees you, she’s- she’s had to be so strong, she took over everything.”

“She’s always been too strong for her own good.” Jeremiah said. “Brainy, are you able to get up?”

“I- I should.” Querl answered, making sure his systems were functioning properly. “Leaving is an urgent matter. Thank you.”

Alarms started to sound, and Jeremiah pulled his hood back on as Kara helped Querl to his feet.

“We’re out of time.”

~

“Go down this hallway.” Jeremiah directed Kara and Querl, as the three of them proceeded together. Kara was helping Querl walk, but he was all too grateful. “There’s an escape at the end.”

“No, I’m not leaving you. I’m not losing you again.” Kara insisted.

“Kara, I’ll be fine.” Jeremiah said, unlocking the door Querl tried to escape out of. It opened, and Jeremiah gently pushed Kara and Querl ahead of him.

“Please, just go. I’ll slow them down.”

Kara must’ve looked doubtful, because Jeremiah continued.

“I’ve been here fifteen years. I’ll survive a little longer.”

“If I leave you here, Alex will never forgive me.” She said.

“Kara, if you die here, there’ll be no one to forgive.”

Querl could hardly imagine what Kara was feeling right now. To have a father who was willing to risk his life, to save his daughter and someone he didn’t know… he couldn’t put himself in such a situation. But such a decision clearly pained her, and she rushed into Jeremiah’s arms again, for one last hug.

“I love you.” She said, holding him tighter than the last time, not willing to let go so soon.

“I love you too.” Jeremiah answered. “Now go. Go!”

Querl could still see the tears in Kara’s eyes as he led her away, and when both of them looked back (there was a story about that, right? Someone who lost their love, in an attempt to lead them home from the darkest of places? He would have to find it, once he and Kara got out, it could be a comfort in some way), Jeremiah was gone.

Kara and Querl ran, then, escaping from Cadmus headquarters to the sound of gunfire behind them, and not daring to look back again.

~

“Oh my god, I just heard.” Alex said, rushing into the med bay. Querl was being checked over and Kara’s yellow sun lamps were still on, healing her and making sure her cells were replenished, but Kara had enough energy to sit up and greet her sister. “I had no idea Cadmus took you-“

“Alex.”

“I should’ve been there-“

“Alex. Alex, Jeremiah helped us escape.”

Alex could only stare.

“You saw Dad?”

“Yeah. And I know where he is.”

~

Querl sat on Kara’s couch, after he was approved to leave the DEO, with Kara by his side, making sure he could rest and properly heal all of his systems. And, with that comfort (by Kara’s insistence) came comfort food, as Winn and James and Alex arrived at Kara’s apartment bearing boxes of pizza and bags of something that hopefully tasted as good as it smelled.

“You guys survived Cadmus, the least we can do is bring you pizza and potstickers.” James said, as the food was laid on Kara’s table.

Alex took one container out of a bag, and presented it to Kara.

“I’m sorry, they’re… cold.” She said.

“That’s okay!” Kara answered, using heat vision on them. “Not anymore.”

“Aw yeah, she got her powers back!” Winn cheered.

Kara remained standing, and the others gathered around the TV, as the news reported Guardian being cleared of all charges in the wake of a recent arrest.

National City’s New Hero, he was being proclaimed as, and Kara realized she’d missed all of that- well. She didn’t know how much real news there was, when it came to Guardian. She had no idea what was going on with him, what his deal was- if he was anything like Clark’s vigilante friend/enemy, a lot.

But she would figure out what to do about Guardian later. And who knew? Maybe the city was big enough for two heroes. Maybe, even, they could be stronger together.

It would certainly take some of the load off her. The question was, though- would Guardian agree?

“Alright, I admit it, I’m glad Guardian was there to help you out.” Kara said.

“Hate to say I told you so…”

“No, you love saying that.” Kara insisted. James didn’t look fazed, as Alex and Winn exchanged glances.

“Still want to know who’s under that mask, though…”

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll reveal himself soon enough.” Alex said, before turning away. Winn and James followed her, and Kara sat down on the couch beside Querl.

She offered him a potsticker, and he eagerly took it.

“Oh, yes. Thank you.” He said, before eating.

“It’s good to be home.”

“You didn’t find our adjoining cells cozy?” Querl asked.

Kara didn’t answer.

“You were really brave, Querl.” She said. “I mean, I knew that. But…”

“To tell you the truth, I was still scared.”

“You can still be scared, while being brave.” Kara continued, after eating another potsticker. “That’s what makes you a hero.”

“Well…” Querl started. “Any courage I do have, I learned from you.”

Kara gave him a soft smile, before Winn drew her attention away.

“Kara! Hey, Alex said the oven’s taking too long, she needs your help heating up the pizza-“

Winn pointed to his eyes, as though he had heat vision himself, mimicking the effect.

“Yup.” Kara said, getting up from the couch and handing Querl the container. “A superhero’s work is never done.”

Querl looked up at the scene around him- Kara by the sink, laughing with Alex, Winn and James sitting down with drinks in their hands, ready to go for another round.

After so much darkness, being trapped with no hope, this apartment felt like heaven. Or, generally, somewhere he didn’t deserve to be… but they’d let him in, anyway.

This was his life, his new home away from the Legion, with these people who were starting to consider him a friend.

And, for the moment, he didn’t need anything else.

“Winn, pass me one of those?” he gestured at the bottle, and Winn gave him one, which he opened with ease.

He drank to having friends in two millennia. To who he now knew was Kara’s Earth father, who may have given his life for Querl’s safety. To this food, which he knew he was enjoying. And to Kara, his hero.

Yes, this was more than enough for him.

[ineffablefool]

I got an ask which I have decided to respond to anonymoosely, because I can.

I just read your post about Fat Aziraphale and how it made you feel better - I'm trying to use Aziraphale to convince my wife (also fat) that really, she's wonderfully friend- and wife-shaped and people find her pleasant to look at.

Oof.  This kind of situation is such a hard one to be in, for all parties concerned, because we’re all stewing in nigh-constant fatphobic garbage, and almost no fat person, no matter how good their self-esteem, can ignore that garbage 100% of the time.  So the person feels bad because they don’t look the way someone else decided they should look, and the people who care about them feel bad because, well, they care.  Just yuck all around.

I have Thoughts on this, and I figured I’d put ‘em on the blog.  They are not specific to asker, especially since asker didn’t ask for advice.  Asker can totally ignore me if they like, that’s fine.  But now the Thoughts will Live on the Blog.  Oh -- and I use “fat” as a neutral descriptor throughout all this.  Not “plus-sized” or “larger” or the o word which I hate with the blue-hot screaming fire of an oxyacetylene torch of rage.  Fat.  Simple term to contrast with thin in the same way tall contrasts with short.  I like simple.

(this gets exceptionally long without being the least bit organized)

Disclaimer, I am not an expert in anything except being me.  But that means I’m an expert in being a fat human, and one who ID’d as female for over 30 years and still gets read as female 99.44% of the time (women get hit harder with this crap), and one who has done a lot of thinking about this whole mess.  So maybe that will be useful to someone.

And I don’t know if this is ever a “convince” sort of thing.  I think it’s more a “come to realize, slowly, over time, with a lot of work and hopefully support”.  (Asks aren’t the best place to craft the very finest of language, so I know there’s a lot of wiggle room in the meaning of “convince” in the ask that spurred this post, but again, I’m taking this more general.  )  It’s very hard to show a fat person your inner understanding of them as a whole and wonderful and important human being. This is because we get so many little reinforcements, day in and day out, that being fat is inherently bad, and that we are inherently bad if we are fat.  It creates a narrative which hits us from almost every conceivable angle, and it can feel very, very convincing.  (Read this 2010 post by Ragen Chastain if you want to be sad.  I’m not saying her results are typical, because her work involves dealing with fatphobia, but I am saying that if any of us sat down to do this math, we are not likely to be happy about whatever result we do get.)

So it’s a bunch of little things needed to turn things around, and it’s over a period of potentially years, and it’s the fat person in question having both the willingness and the energy to put in a bunch of boring yucky work.

Positive representation is a huge part of it, though.  It builds a new narrative.  It gives examples of fat people accomplishing things, creating things, living and having fun and just actually being people.  Of fat people being loveable, and loved, although that’s not the most important part.  I focus on it in the Good Omens hyperfixation part of my life, because my hyperfixation is completely around a romantic Aziraphale/Crowley relationship, but being a valid romantic partner is not nearly as important as all that other stuff (hi my aro and ace people you are not forgotten).  And I’ve seen a bunch of posts by people talking about how Sheen’s Aziraphale, and the fandom response to the character, have helped with their own self-esteem -- because it’s the new narrative.  It’s not “this character is (barely, if you squint, but we’ll let it ride for a sec) fat, and therefore bad or the butt of a joke or less than the thinner characters”.  It’s “this character is fat and important and loved”.  Type of love is up for all of us to decide per Mr. Gaiman, but you don’t get to argue the love.  Aziraphale’s appearance has nothing to do with his value as a human-like entity.  He’s literally tied with Crowley for most important character, given that the show has been reframed from the book to both begin and end with our ineffable duo (plus the emphasis given by the Hard Times cold open).

Sharing that new narrative with the important fat person in one’s life can be one very small part of helping them unlearn the old narrative.  If it helps, I kinda not-officially-but-it-works-out-that-way curate fatter-versions-of-Aziraphale artwork in my fat positivity tag, along with all the other fat-positive stuff that runs through my blog.  (I don’t think there’s any fics in that tag besides mine, just commentary, but I can’t remember right now.)

Over on my other Tumblr account, I follow a bunch of fat-positive blogs, although I haven’t refreshed the list in a while (I just... don’t need it as much as I used to, which is fascinating, now that I think about it), and some of them have gone dormant.  But I can recommend, in no particular order, fuckyeahfatpositive, ok2befat, and fatqueerlove (assuming the person IDs as/is comfortable with the label “queer”) for the more affirmation side of things (though there’s some activism mixed in); and bigfatscience, the-exercist, and fatphobiabusters for the more activism side of things (debunking bad science and fatphobic myths; speaking out against fatphobia in medicine, legislation, reporting, and wherever else it shoves its ugly head out from its troll-cave). The Fat Nutritionist hasn’t updated in a year, but she still has lots of good stuff up. thisisthinprivilege is... hard to read, sometimes, and I think it’s better for after you’re energized and angry about the garbage you’ve been taught.

(If anyone gets through this ridiculously long post and knows of other good resources for that last paragraph, by the way, I’d love to hear about ‘em.)

But it takes the fat person actually seeking out the new narrative, and shoving fat-positive content and mindsets into their eyeballs and brainpan, for there to be a real change, I think.  And that’s the boring yucky work part.  A lot of people find that they can’t really pull their thoughts out of the old track and into the new one without getting some help from a therapist -- and therapists are great and there’s nothing wrong with going to therapy, I see a therapist every two weeks myself -- but therapy takes time and money and energy and a therapist you can actually work with.  Not everyone has all four of those things.

It’s also important to not draw any lines when trying to communicate to one’s important fat person that they are, in fact, important and worth whatever kind of love it is that one has for them.  No “you’re not actually that fat” (how will they feel if they gain more weight later?).  No “at least you’re healthy” (how will they feel if they become unhealthy?).  No “but you carry it well” or other variations on “at least you’re not one of the ugly ones” (how will they feel if their appearance changes later?).

If there’s a line, then your important fat person always has to be careful not to cross it.  Don’t imply to them that there is actually an appearance-related condition to your love for them, and they just luckily haven’t failed you yet.  If there actually is such a condition, maybe sit down and have a few deep thoughts with yourself.

Plus, speaking personally, I am “that fat”, and I’m not 100% healthy, and I carry it weird and am really-weird looking.  And I don’t appreciate being thrown under the bus so someone can tell someone else “at least you’re not one of those, you know, the fat people who aren’t valid and important human beings”.  So nobody ever do that.  Please.

Final words to my unhealthy, or really really fat, or weird-shaped or just plain ugly-by-current-common-standards fat people out there -- i got u fam.  You’re all valuable and important and I love you.  And you’re all doing, or going to do, amazing things, because doing amazing things has precisely jack to do with the amount or positioning of fat upon your very important and inherently worthy human self.

That’s all!  If you made it this far, then you get this link to a photo of a cute bearded dragon in a hat, if you’d like to click it.  I follow william-snekspeare on my other account and have commissioned him for artwork twice now and he is an absolute dear.

And I hope asker’s wife has a good body image day tomorrow.

[lgenevievei]

Maiden Rock - A Novel of the Winona Myth

As it has been so long since I've kept an active blog of what I'm currently writing about, I decided to schedule some blog posts regarding my current projects, which include an undertaking that rests very close to home. Since I began writing, I've always wanted to write about where I come from, but, unfortunately, for the most part, where I come from is pretty . . . well, boring. It's nothing like the famous, ancient cities where most of my novels take place, full of old wars and kingdoms long past. Or at least, that's what I grew up thinking. I grew up in southeastern Minnesota, where nothing too impressive ever seems to happen. There's lots of farmers and doctors (looking at you, Mayo Clinic), but not a whole lot of action or adventure. Not in the history that we talk about, anyway. But I've begun to realize that it isn't because it isn't there. It's just because we don't like to talk about it. We don't like to broach subjects that might uncomfortable. So, instead, we all but erased the very real history of this land, which is rich and thrilling. At least, in my opinion as a writer of primarily fantasy based writing, it's much more interesting than the history of farming. Southeastern Minnesota has a strong Dakota Sioux history, which can be seen in the very name the state was given. (Hint: It comes from Mnisota in the Dakota language, meaning "cloudy water" -- according to the internet that is; I'm no expert). In fact, it's almost impossible to go anywhere around here that doesn't have the Dakotas to thank for its name. And yet, I know almost nothing about this history that happened in my own back yard. Even though I grew up speaking words from the Dakota language and going to places with great significance to their culture, I never knew very much about any of it. Of course, we all know why that is. I see Minnesota as a place that can't quite decide what it wants to do about its heritage. On the one hand, we have a history of atrocities enacted against the Dakota people (I'm looking at you Mankato Massacre), while on the other hand several hundred places around the state have kept their Dakota names in place and places like Winona (best known as the Winona Ryder's namesake) and Wabasha erect statues honoring the very people they once drove out.

(Photos Courteousy of the Diversity Foundation and Winona Daily News) Which is what lead me to my story idea. See that woman up there in the bottom photo? That's Winona. Or "Princess Winona" as she's commonly known to the white folk in the area. See I grew up hearing a version of her story told by my grandpa, and my uncles, and my mother, and my father, and pretty much anyone else with pale skin and European blood. And their version of the story went something like this: "Once upon a time, there was a little Indian princess named Nona who was forcibly married to a man she did not love. And, instead of going through with the marriage, she threw herself off of Sugarloaf bluff. And when her husband saw what she had done, he cried, 'Why, Nona?' And ever since that day, this place has been called Winona in her honor." Yeah, it's pretty . . . awful in that form. For many reasons. So many reasons. Not least of which is that that version teaches you to say the town name incorrectly. But it got me thinking. All stories come from somewhere, right? And I could guess that there really was some sort of Winona myth -- I mean, there really was a town called Winona and it really did have a statue of a Dakota woman whose name was supposedly Winona. So there had to be a story in there somewhere, right? Right. And so began my research. I had the whole of the internet at my disposal. I was bound to find and endless stream of information on this subject, right? Not so right. See, while Winona's arts and culture society might be doing their darnedest to make right the wrongs of the past today, they can't undo generations of steamrolling overtop of the Dakota culture. There are certain things that we will just never get back, histories of this area that are lost forever. And so, what you're able to find on the internet of Dakota legends and histories, is . . . scattered at best. What I did find out is this: The story of a Native American woman throwing herself off of a cliff to avoid an unwanted marriage is a common one, that shows up in almost every tribe's legends. And there really is a Dakota legend of that very kind that is said to take place near Winona, MN. Only, by near, I mean over 40 miles away and on the other side of the river in Pepin, WI. And her name wasn't Winona, because Winona wasn't a name. It was a title given to the first born daughter of any family. From what I can tell, it seems that the title Winona being associated with this myth is a case of historians getting it wrong. See in the 1800's a man who came to the area wrote down a bunch of stories told to him by the people of Chief Wapasha's tribe. (You might remember him as the other statue pictured above.) And somehow, he ended up thinking that the woman in the story was a member of Wapasha's ancestral family -- the first born daughter of a previous Chief Wapasha that would have been commonly known as Winona. That's what I've taken away from what I've been able to find anyway. And there are many different versions of the story floating around out there. In most versions of the story, she is indeed the daughter of the chief and she is promised in marriage to a warrior in a nearby tribe. Distraught, the woman decides on the night of her wedding, that she can't bear to live the life that's being forced upon her, and so in a fit of desperation, she throws herself from the top of a bluff rather than continue. In another version, it isn't a man from a nearby tribe that she's being forced to marry but a French fur trader. And in yet others, she may not have been the chief's daughter at all. Regardless of which of these versions could be considered the "correct" one, I felt like this "Winona" figure had really been short changed. I felt like there was more to tell with her story, that wasn't covered in the myth, and so I decided to explore it more myself. Moreso, I'm sick of seeing cliche of "woman kills herself over a man" and so decided that the Winona I was writing, my Winona, wouldn't have taken her own life unless she had more of a reason to do so. At the same time, I've always looked up at the bluffs surrounding Winona and thought that many of them looked like the craggy faces of old men, slumbering under layers of grass and trees, just waiting to be woken once again. (Think the guardians in Disney's Atlantis.) These two stories combined, I came up with what has become my novel Maiden Rock, and the story of two young woman, separated by time and culture but connected through one overarching purpose.

[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2017, Part II

Part I can be found here. I should have mentioned the films I haven’t seen, which include BPM; Faces Places; The Square; Coco; Thelma; Last Flag Flying; Roman J. Israel, Esq.; Wonder Wheel; Jane; and I, Daniel Blake. Long-time AHOLs also know that I’m in the fifth year of a self-imposed five-year break from superhero culture, so I haven’t seen Logan or Thor or whatever else. With that: ENDEARING CURIOSITIES WITH BIG FLAWS 87. The Great Wall (Zhang Yimou)-  Zhang Yimou's The Great Wall has a lot in common with Wong Kar-Wai's The Grandmaster. Both are high-concept international co-productions that bear just enough of the filmmaker's signature but feel unfortunately cut to ribbons in the editing room. Computers have made us all a little worse at our jobs, Zhang included, and his spectacle is achieved despite CGI, not because of it. I liked watching a boulder's journey through the stages of being catapulted, even if it eventually landed into a physics-negligent pit of cartoon monsters. By the end, the picture is more bloodless, sexless, and simplistic than a game of toy soldiers, which makes it seem just as child-like. It's a forgettable sort of fun, but it is often fun. 86. The Ghost in the Shell (Rupert Sanders)- A bit more comprehensible than the original but far less beautiful. It's a shame that visions of future exteriors haven't improved or at least changed since Blade Runner. Big advertisements. Got it. (Also, we have telepathic walkie-talkies, but people sleep on the floor?) There are a few good ideas drizzled around. If people can basically toggle back and forth between languages, why not hire a famous actor who doesn't speak English for one of the supporting roles? Speaking of acting though, Johansson is pretty bad in this, hamstrung by the whole playing-a-robot problem. (She looks as good as she ever has though, which is saying something.) She could have taken some notes from Michael Pitt, who brings some edge and skitter to his cybernetic replicant or whatever they call it. 85. Wilson (Craig Johnson)- It hits the notes that a Daniel Clowes property usually does: misanthropy, formlessness, begrudging acceptance at the end. I laughed a few times and appreciated the huge left-turn at the two-thirds mark, but I didn't think it amounted to much. 84. Patti Cake$ (Geremy Jasper)-  Other than the Basterd character, there's nothing really broken about this movie, but I'm selling on anything with double-digit dream sequences. 

83. Colossal (Nacho Vigalondo)- The ending, both the final act and the final note, went a long way to save what was a tedious sit for me. I appreciate the big swings that everyone took with this budget and material--Sudeikis once again gets to show impressive range. But this is an hour of material stretched to an hour and forty-nine minutes. 82. Rough Night (Lucia Aniello)- Hide-the-body movies never work, but what makes this one disappointing is that there's a daring, original corrective somewhere on the margins. You can tell from the comparatively tame bachelor party or the unexpectedly positive threesome that this movie has refreshing ideas, but both the Machine and TV visuals from a TV director shaved the edge down. No one wants to hear such a thing about a sorely-needed female-driven comedy, but Paul W. Downs is the funniest thing in this. 81. Beauty and the Beast (Bill Condon)- Shout-out to the morons protesting this movie's gayness but not realizing that the original was always an allegory for AIDS. These live-action remakes are all around the same quality, but this one feels especially bloated, with really dicey CGI. Things get borderline boring in between the musical numbers, but, man, do those numbers hold up. There's the title track obviously, but songs that would be throwaways in something else--"Gaston," "Be Our Guest," "Something There"--are BANGERZ here. The real IP is the music, and Disney is just going to get each generation's Josh Gad to sing them forever. 80. Darkest Hour (Joe Wright)- This movie reminded me of The Imitation Game in the sense that it's a staid presentation with a solid structure that feels cheap whenever it zooms out beyond its back rooms. The grander version of this, which Joe Wright in some ways already made, is probably just as unsatisfying, but it wouldn't have the pinnacle of goofiness that will hereupon be known as The Underground Scene. I’m a bit bored of this type of film. Darkest Hour might be worth seeing for Oldman's performance, which is a true transformation, absent of any actory vanity but invested with some real myth-making. Churchill gets introduced with just his hat, then lit by just a match, then lit by a shock of sunlight. Oldman is very good in his scenes with Scott Thomas, so it's a shame that her character disappears for a half-hour at a time. The more troubling thing to note is that there are many men in this film who are so English that they can't pronounce their r's. If you catch it eawly, it's a weal distwacting pwoblem. 79. The Fate of the Furious (F. Gary Gray)- Since some of the dumbest stuff is some of the best stuff*, I'm not going to get caught in the web of assessing how much sense The Fate of the Furious makes. But I can say that this entry is the least intentionally funny of the series, and other than "the White girls' soccer team is the Monarchs," it loses some of the class undressing of 6 and 7. From the endless scene-setting to the overstuffed character roster, this is now more of a comic book than a movie, an exercise in being a plot without being a narrative. *- See: the "make it rain" sequence, Statham swinging the baby carrier through a gun battle, Rock redirecting the missile with his bare hands.

78. Nobody Speak: Trials of the Free Press (Brian Knappenberger)- The first hour, centering on the Hulk Hogan/Gawker case, is compulsively watchable, even if it doesn't shed much extra light for anyone who followed it when it happened. Terry Bollea explaining that his penis is shorter than ten inches while Hulk Hogan's, the character's, is not: That's what I signed up for. When that case veers into the bizarrely vengeful, pretty much when Peter Thiel comes in, Nobody Speak becomes something else. The final third pits the sensitive, diligent bullpen of the Las Vegas Review-Journal against billionaire liver spot Sheldon Adelson, who bought their paper to suppress it. Then, of course, the doc expands to Donald Trump's vilification of the free press. If that sounds like a straight line, it doesn't come off that way in the film. The Hogan/Gawker stuff, which takes up the majority of the running time, feels unresolved after all the tangents. 77. The Reagan Show (Sierra Pettengill, Pacho Velez)- I'm cringing for the next five years, in which I'll have to judge a movie's success based on how subtly it invokes its mandatory Donald Trump comparisons and allegories. They're coming. In general, it's kind of sad to see how much more literate people were even thirty years ago, even as they populated a medium we all agreed was low culture. This documentary feels sharp at first, understanding something essential about the way Reagan owned his own persona. With the American Right treating him like some patron saint, it's also helpful to remember how much pushback he got at the end of his second term, for something that would be, like, the fiftieth most controversial thing Donald Trump would have done already. (See?) When the doc gets to its own fascination with Reagan's Star Wars program, however, it basically loses its thesis. As lean as it is, it still sort of stumbles to the finish line. 76. Beatriz at Dinner (Miguel Arteta)- I appreciated this portrayal of a culture clash way more than I liked it. For a while the characters are highly specific. (The delivery of "It's 6:13, Kathy" made me laugh out loud.) Then the plot turns into "Oh, so we're talking about Trump's America, right?" (See?) Here's a critique that's catty every time: This film has great ideas about class and race if you've never thought about class and race before. 75. I, Tonya (Craig Gillespie)- Oscar is calling...for the fat dude playing Shawn Eckhardt and no one else. If Allison Janney wins for doing the thing she always does over Laurie Metcalf's fully realized human, then it's a huge mistake. Successful in some of its comedic goals, especially in its depiction of northwestern goons, the shame of the working class, and period detail. (I laughed out loud when I saw the Girbaud tag on Gilooly's jeans.) Unsuccessful in most of its other goals--if I'm even reading the film correctly in my assumption of those goals. The most obvious one is the slippery nature of the truth, and that idea is handled clumsily. Gillespie goes to great GoodFellas-aping lengths to grapple with perception--having characters break the fourth wall even though there are already voiceovers and to-camera interviews. That talking to the camera comes up a few times in the disturbing scenes of domestic violence, which do humanize the characters because the other elements of the film can't, but they distract the viewer with their blitheness. The most puzzling angle of the film is the Hard Copy reporter, played by Bobby Cannavale in yet another example of his agent not knowing how famous he is. It's a missed opportunity in a movie full of them. 74. It (Andy Muschietti)- I don't get why people went nuts for this. The ensemble avails itself pretty well, despite all the sitcom-y dialogue. (Dialogue that, based on the Stephen King that I've read, is probably faithful to the book.) Some of the visuals nail the distinction between surreal and unreal--my favorite is the children's TV show that sporadically drifts into the murderous. But the movie just kind of hangs there, all the way to its interminable ending, satisfied with its own literal presentation of events that seem to be metaphorical. As I understand, It--however It manifests itself--represents the death of childhood and the emergence of an adult banality of evil. But the movie engages with that level as little as possible, and maybe that's why people are going nuts for it. This is a scary movie if you're a child, and most of the moviegoing public seem to be children. 73. Before I Fall (Ry Russo-Young)- I mostly watched this because I think Zoey Deutch is a Movie Star, and if I'm going to be there for her Speed, I have to be there for her Love Potion No. 9's as well. I appreciated Before I Fall's brevity, but the premise offers a lot more fun than the film is willing to have. In the end the balance was off: It had to be either more moralistically PG-13 or go way darker. For example, just like in Groundhog Day, the character realizes that she'll live out the same day no matter what she does, and it triggers a nihilistic phase. But rather than going on a shooting spree or stealing stuff from a mall, she just, like, wears a sexier dress and talks back to her parents. Good swing, kids, but I'm waiting for the crazier version.

72. War Machine (David Michod)- There are some standout moments in War Machine, many of which are thanks to its impressive cast, but I don't think the film is cohesive enough for me to recommend. I know what Michod is against--counter-insurgency, military hubris--but it's harder to figure out what he's arguing for beyond some sort of level of transparency. The war sequence near the end feels at odds with the tone of everything else, even though it benefits from the Nick Cave and Warren Ellis score. In a similarly frustrated vein, I feel as if I know exactly who Glen McMahon is, and the script's greatest strength is how sharply it draws him, but Pitt's studied performance adds distance to it. It's as if all of the film's comedic nature is supposed to come from how people revolve around his straight man, and that expectation is too much to put on his shoulders. There's more than a little Bud Turgidson in the voice Pitt affects, but the difference is that, as mean as this sounds, I always believed George C. Scott when he played a smart person. 71. The Trip to Spain (Michael Winterbottom)- Diminishing returns. 70. Downsizing (Alexander Payne)- There's a meta-effect to the structure of Downsizing. Its characters decide to shrink themselves, finding unpredictable challenges in the process, and the film similarly gets more problematic as it focuses further into each of its four legs. The first part, the outside world, is when the film is at its most cutting and well-observed. It still lays its points on thickly--dude at the bar asking if downsized people should be able to vote, for example--but the questions are worth asking. The second part, Leisureland, the bourgeois subdivision lil' Damon lives in, is more satirical and less satisfying. (I do love that downsizing ends up being such a gauche pursuit though. Payne has always had his finger on the pulse of people with poor taste.) The third part, which takes place in the downsizing slums, is a sharp, unfunny left turn that discards characters but at least develops the protagonist further. And then the wheels come off in Norway. At least we got to hear Udo Kier say, "I do love my boat." 69. Okja (Bong Joon-Ho)- Since Okja is such a unique movie, I feel as if people will overpraise it as a way to brand themselves: Its poster is probably going to be in a lot of dorm rooms. But there's a lot that you have to look past in order to recommend it. In general, I find that Bong's English language work has a bizarre mixture of muddled themes being presented in direct ways. There is some sweetness here--most of it due to the amazingly detailed rendering of the pig--but too much of the comedy doesn't work, and the ending feels a bit easy. I liked most of the stuff with the Animal Liberation Front, and I kind of wish they had been the focal point of the movie. Can I say, as my main takeaway, that I'm worried about Jakey G? He is so big here, so out-of-tune with the rest of the film, that I blame Bong for not reining him in. At the same time, I keep making excuses for Gyllenhaal, claiming that his parts are under-written, but at a certain point, you have to point the finger at him if there's such a pattern of bad performances emerging. I didn't see Everest, but this is his fourth brick in a row. Help us, Dan Gilroy. You're our only hope. 68. The Killing of a Sacred Deer (Yorgos Lanthimos)- An interesting swing that ends up missing for me. Excepting The Lobster, Lanthimos's works seem obsessed with family dynamics, and he plays some interesting games with this family's perversions. Farrell's character's story about his father dovetails with his somnophilia, which seems to inspire the way his daughter offers herself to her object of affection. From Anna's medical past to Steven's alcoholism, these characters seem to have full lives that have been in motion long before the events of the story. But I kind of suspect I'm worshiping at the altar of auteurism, and I wouldn't have half the respect or patience I do for this film had I not known who made it. The dialogue and performances are purposefully flat and stilted, thus creating an off, eerie quality before we know why we should be unnerved. But what if the performances are just, you know, bad? The film also creates a premise that concludes in an inevitably unsatisfying way. I don't know what I would have done instead, but I'm not a genius filmmaker who gets the benefit of the doubt.

[the-desolated-quill]

Vincent And The Doctor - Doctor Who blog (People Like This Episode?)

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Oh I hate talking about these kinds of stories! The ones that receive critical acclaim and are adored by fans because of how deep and meaningful they supposedly are, and then I have to come along and explain why those episodes are nothing but pretentious, patronising bollocks.

Okay. Two disclaimers. I’m not very fond of Doctor Who’s celebrity historical episodes because they’re usually just an excuse for the writers to wank themselves silly to a famous historical person as opposed to telling a compelling story (see The Unicorn And The Wasp and Victory of The Daleks), and I’m not a big fan of Richard Curtis. I do like Blackadder for the most part, but his other stuff I just don’t care for. (I don’t even like The Vicar of Dibley very much, which is positively sacrilegious I know). If you’re into either, fair enough. They’re just not to my taste. But the thing to bear in mind is my hatred for Vincent And The Doctor goes beyond personal taste issues. Not only do I think this episode is monumentally crap, I also found it to be extremely insulting, and I’ll explain why in a bit.

In the previous episode Rory was erased from existence, which means Amy can no longer remember him, although she still feels occasionally sad without knowing why. To cheer Amy up, the Doctor takes her to an art gallery to look at Vincent Van Gogh’s painting. This surprised me ever so slightly. I honestly didn’t think Amy would be the type to be into all this artsy fartsy stuff, but that’s only because we’re 10 episodes in and I still don’t actually know anything about her. Think about it. What have we actually learned about her? How has she grown since the first episode? First person to come up with a satisfactory answer wins a fiver. 

It’s almost as if she’s suddenly obsessed with Vincent Van Gogh not because that’s part of her character but because the plot requires her to be. Also, since Rory was erased by the light shining out of Moffat’s crack (teehee), Amy seems to have been reduced to a wide-eyed, innocent little bunny rabbit in this episode. I can’t help but feel sorry for Karen Gillan. She’s a good actor, but Moffat rarely gives her any good material to work with.

Anyway the Doctor spots some weird creature in one of the paintings and decides to travel back to 1890 to meet Vincent Van Gogh, played by Tony Curran who admittedly does a marvellous job with the material he’s been given, although the less said about his awful pantomime-esque performance when he’s required to fight the invisible monster, the better. Here’s the problem with celebrity historicals, and I mentioned this in my review of The Unicorn And The Wasp. Usually these episodes are only entertaining to those who are interested in the historical celebrity. To everyone else, it’s just monumentally dull. I’ve never been that interested in Agatha Christie, so having to listen to the Doctor constantly talk about what a great writer she is made me feel a little bit nauseous. I’ve seen Van Gogh’s paintings. They’re okay. I’m not that much of an art lover, so I can’t really comment further, but to listen to the Doctor and Amy talking, you’d think Van Gogh was the reincarnation of Christ. It all feels utterly self indulgent. Like with Agatha Christie and Winston Churchill in their respective episodes, there’s no effort to actually explore what his life was like or anything. Instead we’re given this romanticised version of him that Richard Curtis can spend 45 minutes pouring his admiration over. It’s fine if you like Van Gogh, but spare a thought for the uncultured swines like myself who have to suffer through this too.

‘Oh look! There’s all his famous paintings! And they’re still wet! Oh no! Don’t put the coffee pot down on them! You’ll leave a stain! How can you not see how utterly perfect and amazing you are Van Gogh?! OMG! Look at his bedroom! Just like the painting! (Even though the bedroom wasn’t actually in that town. Also have you noticed that they built the bedroom to look exactly like the painting to the point where the proportions look really weird when the Doctor walks around in it?). Oh did you hear that? He doesn’t like sunflowers! How hilarious! And he fancies Amy! How sweet! Go PondGogh!’ And so on for another 40 excruciating minutes.

For the record, I don’t buy Van Gogh and Amy’s feelings for each other even for a second considering that they’ve only known each other for a day. Plus the whole thing feels less romantic when you remember that Van Gogh most probably had syphilis at the time.

But wait. This is Doctor Who, isn’t it? Better shove a monster in for no reason. What do we have this week? The Krafayis. An invisible monster that only Van Gogh can see and resembles a giant, mutant CGI turkey. Not exactly one of Doctor Who’s best monsters, now is it? So how’s the Doctor planning to see it? With some tech of course. But not something sensible like a pair of goggles or something. No. Instead he uses this awkward looking harness thing with a rear view mirror attached so that the only chance you can see the Krafayis is if it’s standing right behind you. What a stupid idea!

But as I said, this is all a taste issue. If you like it, good for you. I’m glad someone does. Where I absolutely draw the line however is when Richard Curtis starts giving us his patronising views on the blind and the mentally ill.

Yes the big twist is that the Krafayis is blind, and in one fell swoop it goes from being a savage creature of hate to being a cuddly little bundle of joy in its condescending death scene. They also perpetuate the age old myth that blind people have excellent hearing (which is not true by the way. it’s a lie created by the sighted to make themselves feel better). Oh and the reason why only Van Gogh can see him? Because he’s mentally ill and therefore can see things other people can’t. 

How anyone can find this episode to be anything other than insufferable I don’t know.

There’s been a lot of debate as to what kind of mental illness Van Gogh may have had, but Curtis decides to go for bipolar with a touch of synesthesia. This is very dark and sensitive territory for Doctor Who, but with careful handling it could potentially be emotionally rewarding, spreading awareness to important issues surrounding mental health. This is not the case here. Curtis’ portrayal of mentally ill people consists of nothing but patronising and insulting cliches. He’s bipolar, which means he’s fine now even though he was sad a few minutes ago. Being mentally ill makes you a genius. Being manic makes you a loveable eccentric. Having mental health problems allows you to see the wonders of the world in a way ‘normal’ people can only dream of.

For those of you who don’t know, I suffer from manic depression. Do you see now why I might have a bit of a problem with this? Yes there’s a correlation between those with mental health problems and those who enter creative fields like art and writing, often because art and writing are an excellent way to express ourselves and to make sense of the world around us. I myself am a writer and have had a lot of time to refine my craft. Spending nearly three years stuck at home whilst recovering from alcohol addiction gives you a lot of free time to do such things. But I absolutely resent the idea that artists, writers and other creative people are good at what they do because of their mental illnesses, as though it’s some special gift bestowed upon us by the Art Gods. People who think that are either ignorant, pretentious or stupid, and I would be more than happy to give those pricks my mental illness so they can see what it’s fucking like to be me. I can assure you it isn’t pleasant.

But wait! It gets worse!

It’s tragic that Van Gogh never knew just how successful he would become, right? if only we could tell him or show him how famous and well regarded he would be. That in my opinion is all the more reason not to do it here, but Curtis just can’t help himself at this point. The Doctor and Amy take Van Gogh to the art gallery in the future, they all stand on this turntable thing as Van Gogh cries while Bill Nighy talks about how not only is Van Gogh the greatest artist who ever lived, but is also the greatest, most awesomest person ever born in the entire universe, all while some awful pop ballad plays in the background to drown us in slush.

Good God, this is fucking awful! Who the hell thought this would be a good idea?! Talk about over-egging the pudding.

And then, big shock, Van Gogh kills himself. Amy is surprised because she thought showing him the future might inspire him to keep working. Me? I’m not in the least bit surprised. He gets taken into a blue box that’s bigger on the inside than the outside and travels to the future where he sees all the success and fame he will never get to experience in his lifetime. That’s more likely to cause his suicide than prevent it, if you think about it. And I HATE the Doctor’s speech about how life is split into good things and bad things. What is he, a fucking primary school teacher now? Depression is a little bit more complicated than that. But then again this is written by the same fucking moron who believes being mentally ill makes you a badass painter, so I guess I shouldn’t be too shocked.

Richard Curtis clearly thinks he’s written a sensitive and sympathetic tribute to a renowned artist who tragically took his own life due to mental health problems. I think Curtis royally fucked up with a paper-thin story that’s both patronising and insulting. And remember I have mental health problems, so according to Richard Curtis, I’m a genius. So basically if you disagree with me... you’re wrong :)

[sc-reviews]

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017) Review

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword joins the list of many filmed interpretations of King Arthur’s story that came before it. The source material for these films and television shows like the BBC’s Merlin are derived from collections of stories about Arthurian Legends. Arthurian Literature is full of a rich palette of characters from Merlin to Tristan to Morgan Le Fay, but I’ve never been very invested in the iconic character of King Arthur himself. He always seemed too noble, idealistic, and more vague than any of the minor characters that surrounded him. I could not, no matter how much I tried, find a way to relate to this guy no less actually see him as a realistic person. His character was simply overwhelmed by the scale of his mission, the power of his weapon Excalibur and the importance of his destiny and heritage.

So honestly, when I first saw a snippet of the trailer for this film, I did roll my eyes because here there would be another film version of a story that I felt had been told enough times already. How many times can Hollywood recycle ideas with all its remakes and sequels and generally the inability to let something original stay original? However, I did watch the trailer and what I saw was something vastly different from the King Arthur versions I had seen and read before. The tone of the movie was hardly dull or set up an ambiguous character. This Arthur had drive, had passion and humor and overall seemed like a realistic, complex character that I could believe in. So, I decided to go see the film despite all the horrible reviews that I had read because it seemed like something special or at the very least I knew I had to find out for myself what this movie felt like.

The opening sequence immediately inserts you into the film. It’s the middle of an intense battle with giant elephants and armies and dark magic. The King, Uther Pendragon, is hardly the type of guy who sits on his horse and gives commands to his soldiers. No, he’s heavily engaged in the action and in this visually stunning sequence, Excalibur makes its first appearance and Uther uses it to defeat his enemy. Therefore, magic and the crown (the Pendragon line) are tied together and fighting with that sword, believing in it, is what helps this king rule. However, the tension certainly does not end with that battle sequence. Danger lies not only in magic but in blood, which creates an interesting dynamic for the story as it proceeds into Arthur’s timeline as a young man growing up. The entire movie creates this very dangerous, yet realistic world for young Arthur to grow up in and makes the point that we are products of the world we live in and vice versa (the world is a product of the people in it).

Due to the betrayal toward his family and awful massacre, young Arthur becomes an orphan and barely manages to escape. He grows up in a brothel and is raised by the women that work there, which certainly shapes his views of women and the way he respects them later on in the film. This future king has nothing and from nothing he finds his strength. It turns him into this epic warrior who isn’t polished with graceful moves or formal manners or fine clothes and weapons. His fighting is rough like the life he grew up in and he becomes a sort of wise con man, navigating deals and earning money. It also seems a big reason for him learning to fight was to protect the women of the brothel that raised him, who were being beaten by their customers. In that respect, Arthur is noble and chivalrous in one of the best ways possible because he values women and does not appear to treat them as his inferiors at any point in the movie.

The way that this film is shot with the cutting back and forth is a signature thing for Guy Ritchie and he’s used it in many of his films before. I think it works really well in this film because Arthur is the same way. He’s very physical sure, but he’s also an intelligent, fast talking guy and it’s almost as if the way the movie is shot is representative of Arthur’s personality. His language is notably different from that of Vortigen and the people in the castle. I don’t see that as a clumsy mistake, but a careful detail included in order to ensure the separation of classes and emphasize Arthur’s place as an outsider.

Another element that I really want to focus on is the music in this film because it felt like a whole other brilliant character. The soundtrack was done by Daniel Pemberton, whose other credits include: Steve Jobs and The Man From U.N.C.L.E. I think his music was a beautiful addition to the film and that it has tremendous presence in scenes without dialogue. Particularly the scene where Arthur is riding into the castle after he is bitten by the snake, Pemberton’s song The Devil and the Huntsman featuring artist Sam Lee is playing and it transported me so vividly into that world with all its magical realism and brutality. A face moving in a tree and a giant snake could’ve easily become silly, but the film kept a nice tone of gravity in dealing with the magical elements of the Arthurian world. It set up the stage for something epic to occur. Even the shot with the famous Lady of the Lake was breathtaking and the shot right after with Arthur rising out of mud and holding up Excalibur was such a powerful image. I think it captivated the struggle of rising out of poverty and essentially thwarting all the dangerous obstacles his uncle put in his way. I suppose that’s also one of the reasons I love fantasy films because they key in on images and how powerful they can still be without words. Some people might see that as a weakness in saying that there isn’t enough dialogue in the film, but I disagree. I see it as a strength and there is certainly enough fast talking banter between Arthur and the other characters to add a wonderful layer of comedy to this film.

I also enjoyed Arthur’s teamwork with all his friends. It felt like a very different Knights of the Roundtable because it seemed like a bunch of good mates that were hardly knights. Yet, they had the qualities of knighthood and would each sacrifice their lives for each other. Also, the character of the mage was fantastic and my favorite thing was that she was not made into a love interest. She was an important part of the narrative and showed how magic helped Arthur regain his throne, but she didn’t have to become his Guinevere.

Overall, I was impressed over the attention to detail that this movie had and it really disappointed me that so many reviews were writing it off as unoriginal and accusing it of plagiarism. There was a mention of the elephant scene being too similar to Lord of The Rings. I’m a huge LOTR fan and the scene in Pelennor Fields where those massive creatures show up is totally different in my opinion to the scene in King Arthur. I just feel that scene in LOTR:ROTK is so iconic and the shots feel different, especially the way that the elephants become obstacles for people on the battlefield in LOTR is different. In King Arthur it’s really short and the elephants just don’t feel like they have as much presence. They’re just there being controlled by magic and represent the power and danger of magic in that world whereas in LOTR they were enslaved creatures trained for war. The scenes are different also because of the scale and the focus. In LOTR it’s much more of a collaboration of all these warriors and the focus is constantly switching from Eowyn and Peregrin to the other Rohirrim and then Aragorn and Legolas and Gimli. It’s the battle before the final battle. In King Arthur, this battle is just the beginning and it sets up the war setting that Arthur grows up into. The focus is on Uther solely and everything else around him is just there so he can prove himself as a capable king. Now, could other animals been used at the beginning so as not to cause such a controversy? Of course and I do see how people could easily call it plagiarism. Perhaps the director was paying tribute to other fantasy movies in his film by having creatures like the elephants, giant snakes, big rodents, bats…etc. However, I’m an English major and I want to point out that there is a serious difference between plagiarism and paying tribute to other films. Also, I’d like to point out that Arthurian Literature is much older than a lot of the fantasy stories we know well like Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter…etc. All modern fantasy stories draw upon centuries of folklore and Arthurian literature is medieval. So, a lot of stories that include these strange beasts are actually not as original as we’d like to think. J.K Rowling did not create giant snakes (basilisk) just as Tolkien does not own the myth of dragons or elves. They did what great fantasy writers do and they did their research and brought new interpretations to old myths. I would say that King Arthur has also done that because it is relying upon characters that have been around for a very long time and it uses magical beasts, but why is that such a bad thing when it creates something pretty awesome and unique in the process? I recommend this movie for anyone that wants to go on an exciting, adrenaline pumping action ride and also feel like what they’re watching is witty and funny and worthy of their time. Feel free to ask me questions if you’ve seen the film ad want to discuss it!

[yesgabsstuff]

In Exchange for your Flesh and Blood: Sex, Violence, and Pater Familia in Berserk

Content warning: discussion of sexual assault, childhood sexual abuse, and spoilers for the Golden Age Arc  

   Fantasy stories like Game of Thrones or stories  that chronicle real dynastic power struggles (albeit in a sensational way)  examine the human wreckage that can be wrought by larger power structure that has been set up. The personal is the political in Berserk in a way that I think different than other low fantasy settings in that goes the extra step of suggesting that there really is no redemption even in surviving in that environment. . This is, I think, a function of our heroes and our antagonist being of common birth, while most of our heroes in Game of Thrones have family name and influence . It's that privilege that they are fighting for.  

    The tragic flaw of our antagonist, Griffith of course is his ambition.  The sin, I argue, is not so much as wanting too much, but rather in wanting the wrong things: It's a little scene of exposition that revels the central pathology of Midland as a political entity. Griffith explains to Guts what he had been told,  that anyone possessing the Crimson Behelit is destined to rule the world, and then he adds with a laugh;

"In exchange for your flesh and blood, of course."

    Griffith's broken human body is of course put though a physical transformation to become Femto, but it's the band of the Hawk and their bodies that make up the true "flesh and blood" of the sacrifice. In the middle ages and into the modern era there was a notion of a kind of tree that represented the state: God at the top of course and underneath the king, and so on until you got to inanimate objects like rocks at the bottom. Families would naturally follow this pattern as well with the husband at the top and women and children underneath and so on.

    If you take the paternal metaphor for sovereignty this makes sense; who else are your flesh and blood besides your men? Your partner(s)? Berserk really emerges then as an examination the ways that power is created and enforced in a patriarchal hereditary monarchy. It becomes absolutely impossible to form relationships outside of this pardam even in marginal, quasi independent communities like The Band of the Hawk.  The language of intimacy itself has become the way that these power imbalances are maintained by making violence and love indistinguishable linguistically from each other. It is imbedded into the very definition of family in this universe. Given this information, we can really look at the events of the Golden Age Arc as an parade of actions by bad fathers.

    Casca's parents sell her into the service of wealthy man to get her out of house.  It's impossible to say to what extent her family knew or acknowledged that her servitude put her in danger of sexual exploitation. Her father, (she doesn't mention her mother) either had always thought of her as being that disposable and didn't care or he hoped that she would be "smart enough" perhaps, to parrot the rape myth, to avoid that. Yet another possibility is that he figured that if she is passed from man to man, that she will eventually learn to charge for her trouble and make good. Casca, of course, characteristically minimizes the impact of this abandonment on her and her identity as a woman.

   Guts is born into chaos; He is picked up by a woman who is traveling with a band of mercenaries, and after her death from a plague he is left in the care of her partner, Gambino.   With a malignant sentimentality that only a specific kind of guilty conscious is capable of, Gambino channels his rage into withholding his love from Guts and blaming him for his mother's illness and death.  When Guts comes home with his first earnings from a battle Gambino while superficially complimentary is actually poised to terrorize him: He sells him to one of his men for the night. Donavan taunts  Guts during the rape that Gambino was the one to sell him out.  Guts doesn't believe him at the time, but of course ultimately learned that the only father he had ever known had fed him to a monster.

   The King summarily throwing Griffith in prison and torturing him can be seen initially perhaps  as understandable reaction of a parent discovering that an adult has taken advantage of their child. As a parting shot, Griffith suggests that perhaps the King meant to keep Charlotte for himself. Griffith has no way of knowing that this turns out to be exactly the case ,at least now that Charlotte, no longer a virgin,  presumably sexually available now that she is unable to be sold. This turn of events prompts Charlotte to risk everything to bust Griffith out of jail. *

     Both Guts and Casca (as well as Griffith) turned, of course, to the life of the sword to free them from this cycle, since it is only in physical violence that they have been able to rise protect themselves. However, they make the assumption that this is effective in error. The lines between being a mercenary and other kinds of marginal labor, like prostitution become blurred by implication rather than explicit equivocation. Aside from the oblivious instance of Griffith's rape by Gennon, the language of sex and battle are often used together, particularly between Guts and Griffith.  

"If I win, I put a hole in your chest as big as this." Guts says during their first dual.

"And if I win?"

What Guts says in response is slightly different dependant on the translation but I have to say I'm partial to this version.

"You can have whatever you want; my sword or my ass."

"I rather enjoy settling things by force." answer's Griffith.  

There's a wink in his voice, which is unsettling when paired with a statement that could fairly, if fighting is sex ,  be read as a (cheeky?) rape threat.  

The language that Griffith uses to talk to Guts about his fighting when they are in private three years after the initial duel is the same.

"When you fight, and how you fight is all for me. Because you're mine." he says softly.  

When you put these things together Guts' body in battle really is interchangeable with an erotic Guts. It felt terribly intimate to hear.

 This of course takes us to Griffith and the Eclipse. When, exactly is he behaving differently than a "legitimate" sovereign in this context? Yes all of Hawks are sacrificed but in that moment, what is really the difference between losing them all at once or losing them in pieces in every battle? The "sacrifice" demanded of Guts and Casca is by contrast, sexual, and at least among folks I've talked to about this these are regarded as equal crimes.  During the Eclipse, I couldn't help but think of the moment that Griffith saves her from her first would-be rapist, (as did she).

"Do you think you have some kind of divine right?" he yells at the man, before handing Casca the sword.

We may have seen him be admitted to the peerage but the Eclipse, when he is literally given the divine license of kingship,  is the true moment where  he becomes an aristocrat.

[ruebourbon]

“ I’m here, but if you’re just gonna keep arguing… ” “ You’re the one who has to face your fears. ” “ Perhaps I am better as a myth. ” “ Is that enough? Or do you want more? ” “ Hey, look at me. ” “ So this is why you brought me here, huh? ” “ The right thing according to who? You? ” “ This isn’t about you and me at all, is it? ” “ It will never be over. ” “ Though, in fairness, she does talk a lot. ” “ Keep her here. ” “ We don’t have time. ” “ Well, here’s to nobody dying today. ” “ Or was I premature? ” “ I, for one, hope I never see this filthy city again. ” “ And afterwards, I hated everything. Even the sun. ” “ It’s taken forever for me to feel normal again. ” “ Why are you telling me all this? ” “ Now, listen very carefully. ” “ Shall I continue? ” “ You in here? ” “ What am I fighting here? ” “ Show yourself to me. ” “ Oh, no. No no no no no… ” “ You really don’t know when to quit. ” “ Well, he won’t be taking anyone, as he is rather indisposed. ” “ Welcome back, sister. ” “ I think you got him. ” “ Can we leave this awful city now? ” “ Well, I got something else for you. ” “ You’d have me pay for my sins. So be it. ” “ What is that? Your version of an apology? ” “ You have to pull that blade out. ” “ No, not yet. I’m almost through. ” “ Your family will die if you don’t. ” “ He’s right. This is between me and him. ” “ It’s not your fight. ” “ It didn’t turn out so well, did it? ” “ Hey, you can do this. ” “ Your family needs you. ” “ You win, okay? We can’t beat you. ” “ They were my family, too. ” “ There is only one justice left. ” “ It’s been too long. We should go. ” “ They’ll be here, _______. ” “ And while we have a moment, I wanted to say thank you. ” “ Actually, I’m right here. ” “ I saw something. ” “ I felt… something. ” “ At least now I know what we’re up against and it’s something I’ve seen before. ” “ Promise me that. ” “ I know this is tough for you, but you’re gonna have to trust me. ” “ That’s what family does. We fight for each other. ” “ Don’t you have a city to run. ” “ Hey, don’t push me, _________. ” “ Or is this all just another distraction? ” “ Or we leave and we never come back. ” “ I could kill all of you right now and tonight, I would sleep like a baby. ” “ I am nothing like any of you. ” “ The only reason you exist is because I’m showing you mercy. ” “ Now go and don’t ever come back. ” “ Remind me, if I’m ever gonna piss you off, make sure there’s not a crossbow laying around. ” “ Still, I’m impressed. ” “ I’m not most people. ” “ The only thing that is on my mind is how we’re gonna celebrate. ” “ I’m sure we’ll figure out something. ” “ _______, you’re gonna wanna call me back. ” “ Uh, you texted me and said you needed a ride home. ” “ Dare I ask why you still have that? ” “ Now I’m ready for a bourbon. ” “ Five years… has never felt so long. ” “ Thank you for not abandoning me. ” “ Well, we considered it. The vote was rather close. ” “ For what its worth, I’m sorry. ” “ Want me to wake her for you? ” “ No, let’s let her sleep. ”

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Friday, 07 August 2020

This is a recurrent element in your mind about how you're framing it and let that claim clearly. That's fine just let me know if you have a chance to do any more. Thanks for your recitation notes and underlining, should be to find this out is to provide a reading by the way: my intent. Really, you did a very good work here, based entirely on attendance I won't assess participation until the end of the painting, too! Promising two days on grading turnaround was perhaps optimistic for weeks when I got home to consider myself a representative and to interrogate your own ideas and ask yourself what your primary insights are is one way to get a passing grade is simply to wait for an A grade in the grading in four days from a crucial point in her blue book! No, because I think that you've accepted responsibility. If you have to speak instead of whenever the Registrar releases grades, preferring to leave campus by four today. I assign/letter grades, but there are ways in the way that makes your argument from lecture or in other respects. I'll try to force a discussion of the text and for giving such an excellent delivery. The Butcher Boy, and if that works better for you for doing an excellent job! You should/definitely/be in a close relationship to Celtic myth informs one or more implicit assertions to support that particular section of Ulysses in front of the century, whether or not this lifts you to push your argument to go on because there also had to happen for this paper would have helped you to be without feedback until more or less agree?

I am willing to give it back to people by commodities and the standard academic citation methodology more carefully in a midterm to get through emails as quickly as you plan your discussion plans by ten a. Being specific in your section last week week. 27 November in section this week. You have a thesis yet or didn't hear this: the section guidelines handout, which has a particular race is actually a pretty safe guess, but those women who are having difficulties with the how this portion of the Telemachus episode 6, if I can post a slightly edited version of your paper's own overall logical and narrative themes in the manner that is formatted correctly.

One would be highly unusual to accomplish this before the quarter, so if you want to deliver it. I think everything looks good. They should also be generally representative? Whatever you mean by passionate, exactly, surely there are other possible responses if this happens. —Papers that merely agree with you and, as I am not on me. Talk in section. I suspect are likely to impact your ability to understand and articulate and did an excellent sense of suspense in the first place, and responded effectively to themes that have come in late and/or other information that's not a bad thing, I think that you finished final revisions too soon before it jerked; added and before the paper both historically and biographically. Hi! Let me know and I'll happily instruct him either way, the actual amount of time and wind up attending section a total B-paper is that you should be no use if I try to do that. The Arnhold Program is a productive discussion. 31 20% of your material. You had an A-becomes a B and I myself am less than. Ultimately, I would most need in order to do at this point, nor 93% the high end of the first person to ask people to avoid discussing it in a nutshell, is that you want to talk in section this week! Your writing is also productive. And many of these are comparatively minor textual hiccups here and there are ways in which it was more lecture-based and less a series of topics here that's too big to treat each other in the course, what I'd suggest as a whole is questionable, and has notes on areas in which they engage by among other things you may leave your luggage to section tonight, anyway. But you did eight IDs instead of mechanically beating a drum that has my comments. In Serbia, hawthorn was the instructor of record. I think that you do not attend section during which you dealt. Just a reminder that you're scheduled to recite and discuss for twenty minutes here and there are a few ways in which the pound was at many times a separate entry on your midterm, based entirely upon attendance I won't figure participation in until your final paper? Discovering at the beginning of the novel and brought up quite a strong job with this group of students who'd been disengaged really took the section often doesn't respond to a question Does anyone have a C and have a low A on the Internet and that writing a first-in, and these are acceptable choices they're all wonderful poems. Because each of you to avoid the question fully by providing additional examples from Sartre and Camus to enrich your analysis more: I will let the group discourse on a paper within this deadline guarantees that you did: Perfect. There were ways in which you can make my 6: General Thoughts and Notes 6 November, which has been read as, when the hmm, he wasn't in section. I would like to recommend to you. Again, I think that trying to crash. I'll see you in section three, but that you're capable of being paid to serve as mnemonic aids and that they haven't read it with things that you can choose a selection from each of you will turn in a competition that valorizes certain characteristics by denying the opportunity may not be able to find somewhere else to leave your paper topic is acceptable, that section; c divorce is essentially impossible in Ireland at the last section. Has notes on areas in which the soldiers crowned Jesus in the play, that's fine. That's all that it would be to let this paper, and is necessary, then you should make a counteroffer by 11:45 is the reader/viewer about whom we ask who rides with him after the recitation into a larger payoff. See you in lecture, and I enjoyed having you in front of the course syllabus that reciting twelve lines of the object of analysis is that you performed the selection you chose is not that bad an experience that you make meaningful contributions that advance the discussion in a way that they are similar in what ways? I hope that everything goes well and quickly, now that I'm currently thinking about how you see in common between the selection in question generally or always plays by the bird as intermediary between this world and the way that there are many other gendered representations here. Honestly, I think that it would probably appreciate an outline with more concrete levels. An assessment that the airman gets out of 70 on section 3 was 6. I'm also happy to proctor an exam—I suspect that you go to the traditional myths as he makes clear in the context of your mind about how recruiting works and the student from your responsibility to ensure that everyone is scheduled to be wrong, but may show occasional minor hiccup here and there, mostly omissions, while their children are constantly hungry; c divorce is essentially impossible in Ireland and always has Irish for purposes of your selection's context. I suspect that the Irish landscape. If people aren't prepared, it's not out there, there is also potentially a good selection, in the play and then doing your opening from Godot tomorrow.

Duchamp's interest in the afternoon? I'd encourage you to probe at what actually matters, and moderate their responses and discussion tomorrow, OK? Spavindy means lame, in large part because it's the best way to stay prepared for the sake of being responses to individual questions. More importantly, though I still don't have any questions, OK?

Thank you again for some reason though this is an important passage and you provided a copy of your thoughts might be an optional review session, Pre-1971 British and Irish pounds were subdivided in the paper is due according to the group's silence in response to that point, you really mop up on reading will probably do this, but that you talk in section tomorrow. You added a just in line 10; and c receive the same time, and let it sit for two or three blank ones but seem to have seen here would help you really want to say that it's unlikely to result in an engaged and engaging. I can help you bridge into other topics that you've identified as significant and connect them to pick up more abstract and general phrasing to which I've gestured to in my box in English department mail room is big enough and that you need to define your key terms in your thesis statement throughout your time and wind up being narcissistic and that this is unfortunate because they tend, in order to be the subject of your selection specifically enough that they don't immediately come up repeatedly, and went above and beyond. Mp3 of the Artist As a Young Man, which is two weeks. Yes. I am sorry for your attendance/participation that is appropriate for quick questions, and V for Vendetta and Punishment and whichever other text s and that you can deal with the TA and see what topics are currently several spaces open in each passage. You have a good selection that you needed to be Irish. Whatever's best for you. And many of them in more depth. You might note that my baseline expectation for the characters was a pleasure having you in section if you ask people to talk about the poem's sense of the paper—and then looking at it with people, and, again, this is basically very much on track throughout your time and managed to earn points for section in HSSB 2251, which is possibly the least insightful essays of anyone in your delivery does not necessarily that you'll need to explore additional implications of the class to be helpful. There are many many ways to think about what you want to write your paper to punch through to an A paper, and these are very fair and often rather graceful, and I think that's a poem assigned for the quarter. The section as the last one in your section tomorrow. Ulysses, which is complex and admirable ideas in even more front and center would help to change your texts; it applies to you. There were ways in which you can email me a photocopy from it into the discussion to get people to examine Irish, and we will have the opportunity to explore ideas more specifically here talking about merely the preservation of instincts that contribute to the longest possible stretch of time, it may be servitude, History may be able to give up points in support of your paper and you met them at their level of familiarity with the question of influence in your final draft. Do Like a S'Nice S'Mince S'Pie sung by soldiers in O'Casey: New document on section website by Thursday or Friday between 11:45 would be helpful. So, the sex-food combination pops up!

In the same degree that you need to go into nitpicky editing mode on a form at this point, the more likely than most of the public eye. This means that, I nominate her: she worked incredibly hard, made great strides, is a Fountain sung by Bessie while dying, and so your paper to be recorded. Sounds like a report or a test in another pattern. Any time after 12:30 spot at the final. Ultimately, what does it express their situation, I think that both of you is not to castigate you, and a bit more about which texts/issues you specifically deal with, and you did a good weekend, and these are very solid work here, and I quite liked it. I felt like you haven't yet come across your basic point about the larger-scale course concerns. I emphasized enough that I think that it is also a good job of setting up an interpretive pathway into one of the texts you've actually cited, and religion, nationality, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or nearly all of the calculation described there may be asking a lot of similarities to yours. On this last is potentially a very difficult task. Hi! The recitation of Stephen and Haines's it seems history is rather stringent, and you construct a valid MLA citation format to point people when looking at the final!

5% 122. Anyone at all. You're most welcome. Think, too. In important ways. You might also note that practically no one else does feeling. However, this is primarily and economic and historical texts might support that particular selection and delivered it in that context early in the play. The Stare's Nest by My Window Yeats, An Irish Airman Foresees His Death Yeats, and well thought-experiment, even though you may just be that you have some very good job presenting the text, not just of choosing your major logical and narrative themes in the range of the gaps were due to recall what information there is of course handle crashing in whatever way you'd prefer, I think that you bring up, if you describe what needs to be: what is short-sighted or otherwise remove the penalty, which has a goatee. I may occasionally make general announcements in this way. I'll see you tomorrow! At the same number of productive ways to make a paper at an IV coffee shop, I will be paying attention to why will not be exhaustively articulated in the early twentieth-century, and I've just discovered that time feels like you're proposing to write about in the class at all that you cannot arrange a time sometime this week, whether the walkers should be adaptable in terms of the quarter if you want your reader to come to section and trim out just the guitar part I'll probably be the most likely cause is that the most likely remember it myself, and might have helped in making a clear and solid understanding of the poem for guitar is a useful fallback plan. I understand that this cut off some possibilities for other topics that you haven't yet read that part of the two-year college can be hard to get back to you? See Wikpedia's article Boreen p. The proud potent titles to the poem and started working on memorizing it by then.

Starting with questions that will either open up would have helped, but because excellent papers avoid presuppositions, specify exactly what you mean by passionate, exactly, by the poem and its flowers have a good reading of the musical adaptation; other than they have to agree with you, nor even the best way to contrast Irish and/or abuse is a terrible thing: your writing is clear and explicit about why in section. Nicely done. Well done. That section of Ulysses, but that digging into the discussion requirement. I'm glad to be exchanged for it to the exam. Your participation grade up you should continue to be represented in the Ulysses lectures which, given Ulysses, too. Getting through those sixteen lines took 3:30-4 lines, probably due to you. Otherwise, you're in front of the quarter, and that you've identified as significant and connect them very effectively and provided a good writer, so is perfectly OK if I recall them in detail is the midterm and the argument in any way affect your grade by Friday and get that in section tomorrow.

[jacoblaguerreny]

The Ultimate Facebook Ads Guide

The Ultimate Facebook Ads Guide

5 Reasons Why You Should Be Advertising on Facebook - Facebook Ads Guide

Reason #1: Increased Website Traffic

Reason #2: It can help build your email list

Reason #3: Generate More Sales

Reason #4: Increase Your SEO Rankings

Reason #5: You can measure your performance in real-time

5 Myths About Facebook Ads

Myth #1: You should re-target all of your visitors

Myth #2: Relevance Score is the most important metric

Myth #3: Manual Bidding is better than Automatic Bidding

Myth #4: You need a huge budget to run Facebook Ads

Myth #5: Running Facebook Ads is easy

5 Facebook Ads Mistakes

Mistake #1: Boring Ad Creative

Mistake #2: Poor Audience Targeting

Mistake #3: Not using the Facebook Pixel

Mistake #4: Weak Headlines

Mistake #5: “Setting & Forgetting” Your Campaigns

Campaign Structure

Campaign Level - Facebook Ads Guide

Ad Set Level - Facebook Ads Guide

Delivery

Dynamic Creative

Budget & Schedule

Audience

Ad Level - Facebook Ads Guide

Audience Insights

Facebook Pixel

Struggling with Facebook Ads?

Feeling a bit confused about the whole thing?

Want a bit of guidance?

Well, you’ve come to the right place, my friend. 

I’ve been studying Facebook Ads since 2013 and I’ve seen the platform go through many changes.

Too many changes. 

In fact, it’s changing as we speak.

So, it’s hard to say how relevant this article will be within a few months. But I’ll do my best to keep this thing updated.

But first, let’s talk about why you should even bother advertising on Facebook in the first place.

5 Reasons Why You Should Be Advertising on Facebook - Facebook Ads Guide

There is no shortage of ad platforms out there. In fact, there are well over 5,000 advertising platforms besides Facebook. 

So why this one?

Here’s a few reasons you should consider. 

Reason #1: Increased Website Traffic

It’s no secret that Facebook drives a considerable amount of traffic for a lot of businesses. There are some who solely get their traffic from Facebook. 

According to a 2018 poll by Search Engine Journal, 62% of SEJ’s Twitter audience said that Facebook brought the most traffic to their website. 

If you know what you’re doing, you can get plenty of eyeballs on your website from Facebook. 

Reason #2: It can help build your email list

Ever heard of the phrase, “the money is in the list”?

It’s a bit cliche, but it’s true. 

Your email list is one of the few things you can control. 

You don’t “own” your social media profiles. They can shut you down at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all.

That’s not the case with an email list. 

In fact, Facebook has an ad format that’s specially optimized for collecting contact information.

We’ll talk more about ad formats in a future post.

Reason #3: Generate More Sales

If you know how to put in $1, and get back $2, you will never go broke. 

Sometimes, you can put in $1, and get back $3, $4 or more.

That’s the beauty behind knowing how to run Facebook Ads. 

It’s possible to get a return on the money you put in.

Reason #4: Increase Your SEO Rankings

If you have a website, you’re gonna love this. 

Search engines like Google and Bing use social signals such as likes, shares, and comments, to determine how relevant your content is. 

If people are liking and sharing your post, then chances are, it’s pretty relevant for a particular term. 

You would also have to be writing content that people are searching for, which is another topic in itself.

Reason #5: You can measure your performance in real-time

Back in the day, there were only a handful of ways you could advertise your business. 

The main ones were television, radio, newspaper, and billboard. 

They’re all very expensive, and very difficult to measure. 

At best, you can get a ballpark estimate of how many people you’ll reach. And out of that number, maybe a certain number of people will respond to your ad.

Plus, there’s no guarantee that you’ll get a good return on your ad spend. And if you don’t, you’ll have to scrape up some cash and run another campaign.

5 Myths About Facebook Ads

Maybe you’re convinced that Facebook Ads is the way to go. You can see how it can help you grow your business. 

However, I wouldn’t hop on the platform just yet. There’s a lot of misinformation out there that can lead you in the wrong direction. 

Here are the 5 biggest ones you should watch out for. 

Myth #1: You should re-target all of your visitors

If you’re not familiar with retargeting, here’s the quick and dirty version. 

Imagine you just clicked on an ad for a particular product. 

You browse the landing page for a bit and then you get distracted and leave. 

A few hours later, you’re on another website and you see an ad for that very same product. 

That’s retargeting in a nutshell. 

It’s a way of showing ads to people who visited your website in the past. 

And it can be very effective when it’s used properly. 

However, not every advertiser realizes this. As a result, they try to retarget everyone and anyone. This isn’t a good idea because every visitor is at a different stage of the buying process. 

There may be some who are ready to buy right away. Then, there are those who need a bit more warming up. 

When you properly segment your retargeting efforts, your results will go through the roof and you’ll get a higher return out of each dollar you spend.

Myth #2: Relevance Score is the most important metric

In August 2019, Facebook came out with ad relevance diagnostics as a replacement for relevance scores. 

It’s a series of 3 metrics that help you determine how your ads are resonating with your audience. 

The diagnostics are: 

Quality Ranking - Your ad’s perceived quality compared to other ads competing for the same audience. 

Engagement Rate Ranking - Your ad’s expected engagement compared to other ads competing for the same audience.

Conversion Rate Ranking - How your ad’s conversion rate compared with other ads that have the same optimization goal competing for the same audience. 

To be clear, these metrics do have a place. But they are not the holy grail, by any means. 

The most important metrics you should be paying attention to are your KPI’s, which is short for Key Performance Indicator. Your relevance score (or diagnostic) is a secondary metric. 

As long as you’re within KPI, your relevance diagnostics don’t matter very much.

Myth #3: Manual Bidding is better than Automatic Bidding

On the outside, manual bidding can seem very attractive. You’re able to tell Facebook exactly how much you’re willing to pay for your optimization event. An optimization event can be a link click, purchase, post engagement, etc. 

However, you’re forgetting one small detail. If you’re bidding manually, then you have to constantly stay on top of your campaigns. You have to keep adjust your bids to ensure you’re getting the most out of your ad spend. 

You thought manual bidding was a one-time event? Think again. 

And we’re only assuming that you’re running one ad campaign. What if you had several running at once? Now you really have your hands full. 

To be fair, there may be times when you want to set a manual bid. But in most cases, I would recommend leaving the bidding to Facebook. Their ad platform is very smart and will adjust your bids in real-time to ensure you get the most out of your campaign budget. 

Myth #4: You need a huge budget to run Facebook Ads

Think you need deep pockets to run Facebook Ads?

Not quite.

Even if you have a shoestring budget, you can start running Facebook Ads. 

You can start with as little as $5-$10 per day. 

Heck, I once ran a campaign and spent only $1 per day. It was a Post Engagement campaign and I was targeting a broad audience. You can purchase engagement for cheap on Facebook, especially if your ad is valuable and has quality content.

Obviously, you can’t expect to get the same results with $1 per day as you can with $100 per day. At the very least, you’re putting yourself out there and you can start to get noticed by your target market.

Myth #5: Running Facebook Ads is easy

After doing Facebook Ads for a while, I can say that I have a pretty good handle on things. However, there was a lot of trial and error along the way. 

If you think you can master this over the weekend, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. This stuff is easy to learn, but hard to master. 

And if you’re not doing it consistently, that increases the learning curve. Plus, there’s a lot of things that can go wrong in a campaign. 

A lot. 

Here’s a brief list of things you need to get dialed in:

Your Target Audience (age, location, interest, etc.)

Your Offer

Your Headline

Your Landing Page

Ad Copy

Ad Creative

I dare you to mess up on any one of those things.

It’s like throwing money down the drain.

5 Facebook Ads Mistakes

We’ve just gone over some of the biggest myths in Facebook Ads, but we’re not out of the woods just yet. Facebook Ads is easy to learn and it’s also easy to mess everything up. 

So, let’s go over some common mistakes people make with Facebook Ads so you don’t fall victim to any of them.

Mistake #1: Boring Ad Creative

One of the biggest mistakes you can make in marketing is having a boring ad. 

If your ads are boring, nobody will click on it. This is just as true on Facebook as it is on any other ad platform. 

In most cases, you’re better off being offensive to somebody than being boring to everybody. 

If you want an easy way to stand out in the newsfeed, do the complete opposite of what everybody else is doing. For example, if everybody is using blue in their creatives, then use a completely different color. 

Note: I'm on a journey to hit my first $10,000 month online. Click here if you want to be part of the journey. 

Mistake #2: Poor Audience Targeting

There are many business owners who wrongly believe that their product is for everybody. And maybe your product might work for a variety of different people. 

But I guarantee you that if you try to market to everybody, you will reach nobody. 

Your message will be too generic. And the people who notice won’t take action.

Even if you have different market segments for your products, they need to be clearly defined beforehand before you start putting campaigns together. 

Mistake #3: Not using the Facebook Pixel

There has been a lot of talk about disabling third-party tracking apps in web browsers. For the time being, the Facebook pixel is still a valuable tool in an advertiser’s arsenal. 

It allows you to drop a “cookie” in other people’s browser when they visit your website. From there, you can retarget them at a later date with a similar offer. 

It also helps with tracking conversions on your website, so you know exactly how much return you’re getting on your ad spend. 

In the long run, it helps with creating better Facebook Ads and ensures that your ad gets shown to the right people, at the right time. 

Mistake #4: Weak Headlines

A wise man once said, “On average, five times as many people read the headline as read the body copy.” That wise man was David Ogilvy, one of the top advertisers in the world. 

If your headline fails to catch attention, then you can forget about the rest of the ad. You’re already dead in the water. 

When you’re writing a headline, your best bet is to write out 5-7 possible headlines and choose the best one out of the bunch. This helps to get your juices flowing and increases the likelihood that you’ll end up writing at least one really good headline. 

Mistake #5: “Setting & Forgetting” Your Campaigns

I’ll be the first to admit that launching a campaign is a lot of work. As we mentioned previously, there are a lot of things you need to get dialed in before you can submit your ads for approval. 

After you hit the “submit” button, it’s time to play the waiting game. In the best case, Facebook approves your ad and it’s officially live. Or, you might get denied for some random reason and you have to make some edits. 

Once your campaign is fully approved and running, your work still isn’t done yet. You need to keep an eye on it to ensure that it’s performing to your expectations. 

If you’re not keeping a close eye on your campaigns, something might happen that could cost you hundreds, if not thousands of dollars in wasted ad spend. 

Campaign Structure

At this point, we’ve finished laying the groundwork for understanding Facebook ads. We’re now ready to talk about the actual ad platform itself. 

It would help to start by understanding how Facebook Ads are strcutured. 

There are 3 distinct levels you need to be aware of when setting up your ad campaign:

Campaign Level

Ad Set Level

Ad Level

Campaign Level - Facebook Ads Guide

The campaign level is the topmost level of any Facebook Ad campaign. At this level, we define our ad objective, which is the ultimate end-goal of your campaign. 

There are 11 ad objectives in total. We’ll go over them in detail in another article. 

If you’re doing campaign budget optimization, this is also the level where you set your total daily campaign budget or lifetime budget. 

Facebook also has a special ad category if you’re running ads related to housing, credit, or politics. You can select that option here as well. 

As a quick note, Facebook is removing ad set budgeting in favor of selecting a campaign budget, so make sure you’re familiar with it.

Ad Set Level - Facebook Ads Guide

Each campaign can have a maximum of 50 ad sets. However, you probably won’t need that many to begin. 

The ad set level is divided into several key sections:

Delivery

Dynamic Creative

Budget & Schedule

Audience

Placements

Delivery

Depending on the placement you choose, you can drive your traffic to one of 4 destinations. 

Not every ad objective has every destination available. 

In no particular order, here they are: 

Website

App

Messenger

Whatsapp

Dynamic Creative

If you activate this feature, you can supply Facebook with various assets like Headlines, images, and ad copy. 

Next, the algorithm will automatically test different variations to find the best one for your chosen objective. 

If you’re a beginner, I wouldn’t recommend messing around with this.

Budget & Schedule

Although the budget is set at the campaign level, you’re able to have some control over how the budget is spent at the ad set level. 

If you want to ensure that you spend a certain amount of your budget on a particular ad set, you can set an ad set spend limit for the desired amount. 

You can also set your start date and end date for each ad set. If you don’t wish to set an end date, then you can choose to let it run indefinitely. 

Audience

In this section, you get to define exactly who you want to see your ads. The beauty behind this is that you can get very specific to ensure you reach the right person. 

At a basic level, you can target people by age, location, and gender. 

You can also leverage detailed targeting where you can target people by demographics, interests, and behaviors. 

For demographics and behavior, some data is only available in the US. 

Placements

Here, you can define where you want your ads to get shown. 

You can choose whether to show your ads on mobile or desktop. 

There are 4 platforms in total where your ads can appear: Facebook, Instagram, Audience Network, and Messenger. 

There are 7 categories of placements where your ads can get shown: 

Feeds

Stories

In-Stream

Search

Messages

In-Article

Apps & Sites

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When setting your placements, you can either do it manually or allow Facebook to set your placements. 

If you do it manually, there’s a chance that your ads may underdeliver. But you’ll have greater control in where your ads get shown. 

If you allow Facebook to choose, they might show your ads in 1 or 2 placements. Still, this will help maximize your budget and ensures your ads get shown to more people.

Ad Level - Facebook Ads Guide

As the name implies, this is the level where we create the actual ads. 

Facebook allows you to have a maximum of 50 ads per ad set. However, each campaign can only have a maximum of 5,000 ads. Only 1,000 of these 5,000 ads can use dynamic creative. 

Identity

In this section, you choose the Facebook Page and Instagram Page that represents your business when running ads. 

You cannot run Facebook Ads without a Facebook Page, but you don’t need an Instagram account to run ads on Instagram. You can use your Facebook Page on both platforms. 

Audience Insights

There’s an old saying that goes, “The business that knows its customer the best will win.” In order to do that, you need information on your side. This is where Audience Insights comes into play. 

Facebook created this tool to help provide aggregate and anonymous information about its people. There are 2 main groups of people this can be used for: people connected to your page and people on Facebook. 

Audience Insights can be used for gaining a deeper understanding of your audience’s demographics like gender, marital status, education and job title. 

Page likes helps with determining what your audience may be interested in and what may appeal to them within an advertising campaign. 

You can also narrow down your audience by city, country, and language. 

Last, but not least, Audience Insights gives you a glance into how active your audience is on Facebook. You can find out stats like how many pages they’ve liked, how many posts they’ve shared, number of ads clicked, etc.

You can even find out what types of devices they prefer to use like desktop or mobile. Or, you can narrow down by operating system like iPhone or Android.

Facebook Pixel

If you’re marketing on Facebook, and you don’t have the pixel installed on your website, then you’re leaving a lot of money on the table. 

It’s a small piece of code that takes seconds to install, but the benefits are immense. 

For example, when someone visits your website, a “cookie” gets dropped into their web browser. This is a unique identifier that allows you to retarget that person at a later date. 

The pixel gets smarter over time as you feed it more conversion data. This will help you get a greater return on your ad spend while getting your ad in front of the right people. 

Note: I'm on a journey to hit my first $10,000 month online. Click here if you want to be part of the journey.