#or at least provided further justification

[line-of-fire]

Here’s a fun fact for the night.

So, as a general ‘au-wide’ rule, Pixie has minimal trust for officers until give a reason otherwise. It’s a little different for the ‘main’ au of course, and it’s the least severe there. And then the Commander verse it’s because she just knows what other officers can be like.

But in the Dead Fae Walking verse?

There is a definitive point of ignition for her hatred and distrust of officers. A single person to blame for it. And his name is Micah J. Pearson.

He had been Pixie’s CO in a previous unit, before the formation of TF-PATRIOT where they were both original, founding members. But TF-PATRIOT was the first time he was really ‘off the leash’ for long periods of time out in the field. He started playing fast and loose with the rules of engagement, but Pixie still followed his command for the most part.

It wasn’t until she was tasked with leading a patrol mission that would’ve been suicide from an intel standpoint. Something she made crystal clear to Pearson, flat out refusing orders. She was accused of insubordination, but the mission was cancelled before it even began, and the TF was instead tasked with guarding a small FOB in the area.

Things went to shit on that detail however, and Pixie was caught in an explosion and taken captive when the FOB was attacked. And instead of really searching for her, or any remains, Pearson called off the search after a few hours when the dust had cleared, claiming that he had found and taken care of her body, declaring her KIA.

Except of course, she wasn’t killed, and she spent the next year in custody being tortured for information she didn’t have, as fuel for propaganda.

It wasn’t hard for her to figure out what had happened exactly when she finally escaped and started working with the CIA, learned the ‘official’ story. Figure out that she had been intentionally abandoned because she fought against unlawful orders that would’ve gotten her soldiers killed.

She doesn’t even know the worst of it either- that Pearson himself was the one to kill her brother to keep the truth about her fate from getting out. Just to save his own hide.

She hates the man with every fiber of her being. But it isn’t worth it to her to actively search him out for revenge. After all, it wouldn’t change anything, and as far as she knows, she was the only one whose life he destroyed. But if she knew that he had been the one to pull the trigger of the gun that killed her brother?

Revenge would be the only thing on her mind until Pearson knew a fraction of the pain he had put her through.

[kinq-sleazee]

18+ MDNI| ProHero!Au , Sugar Daddy!Izu, Toxicity, cheating

♔♕♚♛

You Belong To Me| Izuku Midoriya

“are you even listening to me , izuku ?”

He hums, slowly moving past you to remove his costume. It was a shitty day. A really shitty day. But, tomorrow was his day off so he figured why not spend some time with you. What he didn’t expect was for you to continuously bitch and whine from the time he called you.

Izuku moves towards the bathroom at a languid pace with you hot on his trail—huffing as you pick up his scattered clothes. His only focus was your luxury shower with the overhead rainfall that set him back a pretty penny, but anything for his good girl right ?

“You can’t keep treating me like this , Izuku! Can’t have me locked in just waiting for you to finally respond”.

What else did you have to do? Is what he wanted to say but choosing silence instead as he stepped under the spray. He felt like you were being hysterical and didn’t want to further agitate your current state.

Izuku’s eyes were closed, palms flat against the shower wall as the water cascaded on your back. He wasn’t particularly listening to your rant. At least until you said that this isn’t working for you anymore.

That caught his attention. Because the last time he checked you were living like some fucking Princess in the lap of luxury without a worry in the world. He was your sole provider . Everything you owned came from him and he in turn own you. Who are you to decide what isn’t working ? You can’t even decide what to have for fucking lunch without him writing out your daily schedule in detail.

How could such a pretty little mouth fix itself to say such hurtful things? Stupid things ? There’s no way you could have come up with this yourself. You didn’t have the fucking nerve.

The shower door slid open, suddenly, startling you. Emerald eyes peered out, rooting you in place. He didn’t look like himself. Not the picture perfect pro hero Deku or the impassive izuku. He looked unhinged.

“You giving my pussy away?”

It was meant to be a question but the accusatory tone made it seem otherwise. You immediately stiffened, hands clenched in the hem of your pajama bottoms.

“You— you haven’t been here in months , Izuku!” That was a lie. It’s only been 6 weeks since he’s seen you in person, but he’s sure to text every other day. Even so, that’s still no justification.

“Darling … I asked you a question. Are. You. Giving. My. Pussy. Away?” His voice is clipped, punctuating each word with a pound to the wall making you flinch. Sure he’s lost his temper before but never to this degree.

“I-it isn’t yours … besides you’re married ” you say, looking anywhere but his startling emerald gaze. Izuku sighs, a deep contentious retort to you idiocy and betrayal. He really expected more from you.

Within the blink of an eye your face was pressed against the cool tiles of the shower with your hands gathered behind your back in Izuku’s form grasp. The lace material of your neglige clung to your form under the spray, irritating your pebbling mounds.

Izuku bit into your shoulder harshly followed by a rough swat to the swell of your ass. But quickly followed with a soft kiss and a gentle caress.

“My sweet girl. My sweet dumb girl” he kisses your temple while digging his blunt fingertips into the plushness of your bottom. “Do you think I’m paying for you to think ? Do you think I’m paying for this apartment, the car, the shopping spree’s … for you to think ?” He voices incredulous and with obvious disdain.

A strangled moan leaves you with his second strike. A blooming heat that you’re sure to feel in the days to come. It’s humiliating really, but you can’t deny the throbbing between your legs.

“I’m paying for your whore’s mouth and slutty cunt to be wrapped around my cock whenever I see fit”.

“I’m paying for you to be waiting with open arms for me to return”.

“I’m paying for you to be grateful that the Number 1 hero would even make time for someone weak and quirk-less like you”.

His words, though harsh, grounded you in reality. It was true. Izuku did take care of you. Got you whatever you wanted and needed. Kept you safe. He was hardly mean. Only when you were “bad”. It was silly to get him so riled up.

Shameful tears welled in your eyes.

“m’sorry, izu. jus’ so stupid without you” you whined, turning your face to lock eyes with him. The coldness dissipated almost instantly.

“no, baby. you’re still stupid even with me … but i don’t need you to think. i need you to look pretty and take what i give you. can you still do that for me , honey ? I’d hate to replace you”.

The panic in your eyes when straight to his cock. It was hard to suppress his groans from your desperate pleas.

“okay, sweetheart. calm down” he kisses you, slow and deep. “just show me why i should keep you around, yeah?”. With no hesitation you fell to the floor, knees spread and tongue out. It was so beautiful seeing you like this.

After all, you belong to him.

[qqueenofhades]

Hwy dod we even need to send more money to Ukraine tho like we’ve already supported them plenty! But let Europe pull their weight and we can go back to spending that money on American policies

Do you read like, any news outside Tumblr, any Ukrainian perspectives, any basic analyses of the conflict, any rationale from Democrats or Congress, or anything? Because, in brief:

Ukrainians are currently facing a full-scale genocide. It has been going on for over a year and Russian military leadership has every plan to continue until fruition. If they stop resisting, there will be no more Ukraine or Ukrainians. So all the "appeasers" or "realists" insisting that Ukraine should "give up land for peace" (which notably worked so well with Czechoslovakia and Hitler in 1938) are basically deciding that it's fine to let the genocide be carried out, if it's even minorly inconvenient for us. Putin and cronies have repeatedly stated that if they are successful in taking Ukraine, they will go further. This is the exact scenario that leads to the "escalation" and/or WWIII that various people keep wringing their hands over. It is far more just and safe for Ukraine to be supported now and to stop that before it gets even worse.

America is not actually giving over buckets of black cash, regardless of what various bad-faith takes claim. They are handing over weapons valued at various amounts of money, along with some financial and budgetary aid. A lot of these weapons are older and would cost more to decommission than they cost to give to a sovereign democracy fighting for its life against an imperialist autocratic neighbor. This is some tiny amount like 5% (if that) of America's bloated military budget. And again: it's actual weapons valued at a certain dollar amount. These cannot be spent on American domestic policies.

The idea that helping Ukraine is directly coming out of our own pockets or preventing us from spending as needed on our own needs is propaganda. It is not good to repeat it.

I wrote this post the other day about why Putin is trying so hard to break American/Western support for Ukraine, and why the hard-right MAGA has enabled him in it. Putin's Russia is the motivating nexus, coordination, and funding center for Russian/European/American far-right theocratic fascism. This whole "America Only" is the exact rationale that appeals to said far-right domestic fascists and gives Putin and other imperial expansionist kleptocrats the justification to just throw away post-WWII international order and declare that any larger and more powerful state can systematically eradicate any neighboring country, claim its territory, destroy its government, kill its people, and get away with it. Because why would they stop, if there aren't any consequences and they are rewarded for it?

Putin has repeatedly interfered in American elections to help Trump and the Republicans. That should tell you something about who he sees as most favorable to his interests and what he would do again if allowed to emerge victorious.

Europe IS actually pulling its weight! They just brought all 27 defense ministers to Kyiv, they have been working on Ukraine's accession talks, they have committed all types of weapons (including the long-range missiles that the US still won't clearly authorize), they've committed a new tranche of 5 billion euros in long-term assistance, etc. But the whole "we should pull out of NATO and leave Europe to fend for itself" was a key isolationist and xenophobic Trump idea. We can see what that led to.

American aid is vital to Ukraine's continued existence as a sovereign country, period, and it is in American interests to continue to provide it as agreed upon. Not least because such an egregious betrayal of a democratic ally would empower the fascists of the world, both Russian and American, and because as noted, if this conflict was not stopped and got bigger, it would then involve American troops. It is a moral, democratic, political, and ethical imperative. This is not a difficult call or a complicated situation, regardless of what the Online Leftist tankies and the MAGA-world nutcases (because horseshoe theory) want you to think.

Слава Україні.

The end.

[zuko-always-lies]

In defense of Admiral Zhao and how he treats Zuko (or he's still a dick and an imperialist, but this is why/how his actions made sense to him).

So the first time we see Zhao chronologically is in this scene, when he watched Ozai burn Zuko with a smirk on his face:

Obviously this doesn't speak highly of Zhao, but the context was that Zuko was refusing to defend his honor by fighting back and thus, under Fire Nation culture, getting "what was coming to him." It's pretty like that Zhao didn't particularly hate Zuko before that.

Then almost three years pass, and Zuko and Iroh show up acting all suspicious at Zhao's base with a damaged ship. Zuko offers an extremely unconvincing story, so naturally Zhao investigates further.

Zhao gives Zuko a chance to come clean and Zuko refuses to, solely out Zuko's self-interest. Zuko is willing to screw over the Fire Nation just to have a slightly better chance at going home. That just confirms all of Zhao's negative opinions about Zuko.

Zhao: My search party is ready. Once I'm out to sea, [Cut to a shot from over Zhao's head to reveal Iroh and Zuko sitting in two chairs in front of him in the middle of the tent.] my guards will escort you back to your ship and [Close-up of Zuko, who angrily looks down.] you'll be free to go.

Zhao is willing to overlook this and let Zuko go.

Zhao is being a dick here, but he's also telling Zuko the truth, the same truth Iroh has refused to tell him. And Zuko challenges him to an Agni Kai over it.

Zuko and Zhao fight, and Zuko clearly wins. Zhao, recognizing his defeat, tells Zuko to burn Zhao.

There's two things we need to understand here. First, Agni Kai's can only end with one participant being burned or killed. Second, by burning Zhao, Zuko would show his adherence to the Fire Nation's norms and culture, show he's "manly enough" to adhere and be a "man of honor" within the code of honor. By refusing to end the duel, Zuko disrespects the very practice of dueling.

Then Zuko turns his back and walks away, Zhao tries to attack Zuko, and Iroh stops Zhao and claims that "Even in exile, my nephew is more honorable than you." The thing to understand here is that the duel was not actually over, at least from Zhao's perspective. That's why he tried to attack Zuko, because Zuko had refused to end it.

Let us fast forward a few episodes. The next time we see Zhao is in "Avatar Roku," where Aang is trying to reach Roku's temple and Zuko is trying to stop him. Zhao is commanding a blockade fleet in their way. This exchange provides important context:

Iroh: [Close-up.] Sailing into Fire Nation waters ... Of all the foolish things you've done in your sixteen years, Prince Zuko, this is the most foolish! Zuko: I have no choice, Uncle. Iroh: [Angrily.] Have you completely forgotten that the Fire Lord banished you? [Fearfully.] What if you're caught? Zuko: [Breaks away from telescope to talk to his uncle.] I'm chasing the Avatar! My father will understand why I am returning home!

By chasing after the Avatar into the Fire Nation, Zuko is violating the terms of his banishment.

Anyways, this happens:

To be clear, what Zhao does here is 100% a dick move. But from Zhao's perspective, Zuko demonstrated his lack of loyalty earlier, and is now also trying to violate the terms of his banishment.

So Zhao chases after Zuko and Aang and doesn't manage to hang onto them since Avatar Roku goes super-saiyan on him.

After that, we get this exchange:

Zhao: [Turns angrily, snapping.] No Prince, no Avatar! Apparently, the only thing I do have is five traitors! Great Fire Sage: [Interjects.] But Commander! Only Shyu helped the Avatar. Zhao: [Close-up.] Save your stories for the Fire Lord. As far as I'm concerned, you are all guilty! [Orders.] Take them to the prison hold!

Again, total dick move. However, it's worth pointing out what Zhao's justification is likely to be: the Fire Sages violated the law by refusing to apprehend and instead helping a banished fugitive, Zuko, who was illegally in the Fire Nation.

The next time Zhao and Zuko interact is when the Blue Spirit breaks Aang out, but nothing particularly interesting happens there.

Finally, in "The Waterbending Master," we get to see Zuko and Zhao's final arc. As Zhao prepares his expedition to the Northern Water Tribe, he shows up and takes Zuko's crew:

Zhao realizes that Zuko is that Blue Spirit and a total traitor, and that just confirms everything Zhao already thought about him. So Zhao tries to have Zuko assassinated by the pirates. It doesn't work.

The next time Zhao encounters Zuko is in the Siege of the North Part II:

Again, Zhao's contempt and hatred for Zuko is driven by Zuko's treasonous behavior.

Of course, the Ocean Spirit shows up, and then this is what happens:

Zhao is consumed by the energy in the shape of a hand and dragged toward the water. Zuko: Take my hand! Zhao considers it for a moment before retracting his hand. The energy plummets into the water, Zhao dragged along with it, and dissipates.

Whatever else you can say about Zhao, he's consistent to the end.

So again, my main point is not that Zhao is a good person. Zhao is a terrible person, an utter jerk, and an imperialist with delusions of grandeur.

However, with regards to Zuko in specific, Zhao's treatment of Zuko is almost always reactive to a degree to Zuko's actions and has a certain logic behind it. Zhao treats Zuko so poorly largely because Zuko keeps confirming Zhao's worst opinions about Zuko.

That doesn't mean that Zhao is right to be a jerk to Zuko, who again is a banished teenager, just that Zhao's actions make logical sense within his cultural context and considering Zuko's actions.

[palestinegenocide]

274 Palestinian lives don’t matter to the Biden administration

This week provided further evidence – if any were lacking — that anti-Palestinian bias is simply a rule of American politics, and today maybe the leading rule.

Yesterday Israel killed 274 Palestinians and wounded hundreds more in Gaza’s Nuseirat refugee camp while freeing four Israeli hostages, and the U.S. promptly hailed the “rescue”. It is beyond question that this was an indiscriminate massacre, but Joe Biden saluted the Israeli action, and so did Secretary of State, without a mention of Palestinian lives.

“As if we needed more proof of how little this administration values Palestinian lives,” Khaled Elgindy wrote.

Mainstream reporters are horrified, but politely. After the last outrage earlier this week, when Israel killed dozens of Palestinians in a school, a reporter asked at the State Department: “People might find it very puzzling that you have the leverage of $3.8 billion of defense supplied to the Israelis per year, and you cannot compel this situation to change.”

The State Department said the U.S. has prodded Israel, and there’s been progress. “We have seen them [the Israelis] take improvements over time.”

So the U.S. keeps pouring money and weapons into Israel, and the Democratic base believes overwhelmingly that it’s a genocide, and Biden keeps saying he wants a ceasefire, but won’t apply any pressure to achieve it.

Republicans are at least more honest about their policy. Nikki Haley—a possible running mate for Trump —visited Israel at the end of May and wrote “Finish them” on an Israeli shell. Even as the death count in Gaza crossed 36,000.

This disdain for Palestinian life is consistent throughout the American establishment. Variety reported this week that a Hollywood marketing guru warned her employees that they should hit “pause on working with any celebrity or influencer or tastemaker posting against Israel.”

In an email, Ashlee Margolis said, “Anyone saying Israel is committing a ‘genocide’ is someone we will pause on working with, as that is simply not true…. While Jews are devastated by the loss of innocent lives in Gaza, we are feeling immense fear over the rising Jew Hatred all over the world.”

So again, Palestinian lives just don’t matter, next to Jewish fears.

This special degraded status for Palestinians has become an area of study for Palestinian intellectuals. Rabea Eghbariah, a human rights lawyer and doctoral student at Harvard, wrote a lengthy legal argument for a new term for the Palestinian condition.

“The law does not possess the language that we desperately need to accurately capture the totality of the Palestinian condition. From occupation to apartheid and genocide, the most commonly applied legal concepts rely on abstraction and analogy to reveal particular facets of subordination,” Eghbariah wrote –and offered the idea of “Nakba” as a legal concept to encompass that subordination.

But Eghbariah’s argument was censored, first by the Harvard Law Review, in “an unprecedented” move against a fully-edited essay, as the Intercept reported. Then, in an even more unprecedented fashion, by the Columbia Law Review this week, whose board of directors, which includes alumni with ties to the Biden administration, actually shut down the entire website when Eghbariah’s piece went up. (In the ensuing controversy, they have now restored the site).

In the eyes of the world, Palestinians only count when they are dying. That is what Qassam Muaddi wrote at our site this week, in an essay titled, “Against a world without Palestinians.”

Over the years, learning our Palestinian history, I began to notice that in order to be acknowledged by the rest of the world, we Palestinians always had to die…. It is as if in order to exist without justification, Palestinians had to intimately deal with death — they could master it, put up the best show of it, but they always had to die.

Qassam went on to explain that all that builds Palestinian character, including culture and stories, has no place in the world as it is. It must always be dismissed as terrorism or something less than human.

He actually ends that essay with hope, that the global discourse of Palestine is finally changing.

And the next day, another 274 Palestinians were killed, with full U.S. support. And Democrats wonder why democracy is in crisis.

[boltsinmycereal]

**Tiny rant incoming so apologies in advance but this has been bothering me since yesterday.**

Just look at the difference in language Andrea Stella uses to describe Lando’s poor qualifying in Mexico last year vs Oscar’s this year. I try to keep the tin foil hat off but lately I just really get the vibe that Andrea has clear preference for Oscar in at least a general sense.

This is what Stella said in last year’s Mexico Quali Report about Lando:

Sure, he totally acknowledges errors from the team as well, but he doesn’t mince words and clearly places a good amount of responsibility on Lando and his driving. Fair enough, but then look at how he describes what is in many ways a similar performance this year from Oscar:

Not only does he avoid staying plainly that Oscar made driver errors, he also provides extra justification for his sub-par performance with the discussion of the upgrades.

Even further, just look at the difference between how he closed his statements in 23 vs 24:

For Lando, they emphasize a confidence in the car, even implying anything less would be a disservice to it. For Oscar, they are confident in the driver.

Just to clarify, this isn’t anti Piastri. He has taken a lot of accountability in several interviews for his performance this weekend, and one weekend does not a bad driver make. But it can’t be productive, and certainly isn’t fair, to have a team leader expressing blatant favoritism between drivers, especially when not merited by a difference in actual performance.

[fenrichaita]

Just taking a look at psychiatry quickly reveals how cult-like it can be... Or just is. Psychiatry uses isolation, threats, and coercion to make patients fall into line. To be a good patient requires complete cooperation and blind acceptance of whatever mental health professionals charged to your care say. If you question them, resist treatment, or refuse to accept their assessment of your reality, then depending on your situation, you can be threatened with violence, the loss of privileges, withholding of care, isolation, and more. Which really begs the question, if psychiatry was really just about helping, why does it overtly utilize threats, violence, and punishment? Why does it withhold things that helps the patient the moment the patient does not meet all the demands of their care providers?

Adding to the isolation, psychiatry presents itself as absolute truth, as a science --- but a soft science that cannot be expect to be too exact so don't question that either. Questioning psychiatry is conflated with questioning hard truths, which leads dissenting opinions to be labeled as pseudoscientific and radical. Survivors of psych abuse are often silenced by being told that voicing their experiences is an offensive act that will scare others from seeing treatment. And patients within the system being diagnosed automatically results in survivors of psych abuse being perceived as actually truly needing or "deserving" what happened to them because they are mentally ill.

Patients in the system have labels slapped onto them that redefine their lives and experiences, sometimes based on extremely brief assessments. These labels can follow patients for long time, sometimes for life, and are extremely difficult to remove from one's records. A new reality is slapped onto a person often without any care or proof, which the patient is expected to accept or else they are declared medically wrong and sick. Then, they may be manipulated, coerced, or forced to take medications which can have dangerous or debilitating side effects that can make it difficult for the patient to function or resist what is being done to them. If the patient voices any difficulties with the medication, typically their symptoms are ascribed to the mental illness and are seen as justifications to drug them further. The withdrawals are often dangerous and so torturous that many stay on drugs that are not working for them for years upon years; and it does not help that doctors are very ill-informed about titrating people off them.

All of this creates a system that can trap people for years but will often expel even willing patients who need a support system at the drop of a hat and without warning because they did not show complete compliance. The medical system is not perfect and is still quite rife with abuse but it is not founded on a system of punishment and forced compliance, at the very least. Sometimes I think the main reason why scientology opposes psychiatry so much is what else would be the biggest competition and threat to a cult but another cult?

[cosinelanguage]

Double Overtime -- extended author's notes

as with the last long fic I wrote, I have some extended author's notes on the fic haha. posting them to Tumblr was fun the last time, so without further ado:

Hockey Details

I went into this set up being like ‘i know a reverse sweep isn’t likely but it IS dramatic so i’ll do it’ and then i watched in awe/horror as the Panther’s 3-0 lead shrunk down to 3-3 and the oilers were set to pull of a reverse sweep (and spoil the end of my fanfic.). The oilers ALMOST did it but whiffed it at the end. Still, wild timing for me. We’re living in one of Connor McDavid’s failed timeloops. 

I have a like, novice level understanding of hockey but a huge amount of enthusiasm. A time loop was the best plot to get around that– i only have to focus on one hockey match rather than the logistics of an entire season or more. There’s still a lot more i could do if i understood the game more, but hey, i was here for the fights and i provided for myself. 

The Baratie Steelheads and the Syrup Village Sockeyes aren’t the most fitting names for the both (types of salmon), but they are names that were on the Seattle Kraken’s original team name shortlist, so it was an easter egg for myself.

Sanji’s entire contract thing is definitely over the top plot contrivance, but there’s a certain amount of over the top required when adapting his backstory. The Steelheads leaving Baratie is inspired by the poor Arizona Coyotes being relocated. RIP to the Coyotes, coolest jerseys in the league squandered by poor management

Most the fights were actually based on hockey clips from twitter lol. thanks for the insp hockey

Character Details

I didn’t include all the character details for the strawhats, primarily because it’s Sanji’s POV and he’s mostly focused on zoro. But, for the list, with more details about characters with less screentime lol:

Luffy: Captain, Center. I think he’s pretty versatile and also sometimes plays LW/RW, but he’s primarily the Strawhats center and captain, with a huge near-elastic reach

Zoro: Defenseman, though a particularly offensive d-man and an enforcer. Roughly, this is basically an unofficial role for the guy who starts fights with people who make dirty plays. 

Nami: Technically the social media manager of the team, acts more like the team’s overall manager. Team manager kind of seems like a lazy spot to put her in, but i like to think she’s a travel enthusiast and expenses it all on the company card lol

Usopp: LW/RW, and one of the top scorers when he’s backed up properly. Pretty underrated when initially being recruited, but shines under the Pirates’ strategy

Sanji: LW, and a pest. Basically he annoys people into fighting him HAHA. the perfect role for him. I wanted him to be LW primarily for the whole pirate king’s wings energy

Vivi: owner of the alabasta ducks! And a former olympic figure skater. Her and nami have a complicated on again / off again relationship, which mostly comes up whenever there’s a Ducks vs Pirates game (and they either get together / break up)

Chopper: ok, chopper was a complicated decision. I was caught between him being a gentle giant of a defenseman VS him being team doctor, but in the end decided that doctor required less justification

Robin: Robin was difficult to fit in. I ended up deciding on her being the Pirates local commentator. Commentator is fun at the least because there’s a lot of context/history/etc of the players on the ice you need to know to be good at the job, and i think she’d be HILARIOUS

Franky: Goalie! Franky fits well as goalie, first of all because of how beefy goalie equipment is, and second of all because a goalie with a big personality is quite fun. There’s something extremely fitting about him doing the ‘super’ move with leg guards

Brook is the Pirates DJ! What Else. i think he picks great songs for the stadium. zoro tells him to use mamma mia as sanji’s song and sanji nearly sends him into an early grave.

Jinbe: coach He was initially the goalie in a very early draft, but coach makes sense in terms of how he’d be able to support the team and his general level headedness. There’s a lot of clips of Paul Maurice, the Panther’s current coach, having this absolutely chill energy about him that’d work so well

Plotting/Planning Thoughts

I decided on ‘Double Overtime’ as the title pretty quickly, just because it’s (a) a hockey term and (b) a fun way to describe two people (double) caught in a time loop (overtime). The emphasis on double overtime as a win condition came after the title

I decided on ‘Mamma Mia’ and ‘Waterloo’ as the main song insp for these early on. Mamma Mia itself is this good mix of an upbeat song that’s just a bit sad and just a bit ominous, and the lyrics can be fun for a time loop (‘here I go again’). Waterloo was always the credits song (‘i feel like i win when I lose’ come on now)

I decided that I’d post in early June like the actual Stanley Cups, and 6/6 was decided on as the in-date and IRL start of the time loop because it’s Germa Day (66): something kind of poetic about Germa fucking up their perfect win on Germa day 

Time Loop Win Condition

The time loop win condition! Zoro was always going to win and Sanji was always going to lose, but the details took a bit to figure out. I knew it was going to incorporate (a) him trusting Zoro and reaching out for help (impossible task for him), (b) him wanting to play hockey on a team that doesn’t hate him, (c) remix of Sanji’s Baratie arc, and (d) the concept of double overtime. 

There was a lot of changing around on what exactly Sanji would be able to do; initial drafts actually had him coming out pretty clean from the double overtime deal (saving the Baratie) but that didn’t feel earned, I liked the kind of bittersweet selfish sacrifice of letting the team go, otherwise it’d feel a bit too contrived. this is already a late reveal loophole— it wouldn’t feel earned without that tinge of regret 

In the end i liked what I went with, though I think I could’ve built up a little bit more before hand, and had a bit more emotional consequence to Baratie’s relocation. But ive written like, FIVE separate sad zeff phone calls in the last few months, i decided i had Enough. I had to Limit Myself. Only one sad zeff phone call this time for me ok

things to do differently

Look at me!!! Finishing a fic before i post!!! This was good actually, and meant the pacing was better than what i did with my last long fic lmao. Still had some issues imo, but considerably stronger on keeping scenes regularly paced. I should always do this.

IMO after reread (after it being finished for weeks) i think one of the weaker points is just really sanji’s apology– zoro figures out the duel time loop deal fairly fast (benefit of relying on other people) and folds pretty easily. I mean he’s unfortunately smitten but it doesn’t change the fact that he was hurt. There’s a specific degree of pulled punches I do sometimes with emotional moments that I’d like to get better at, but live and learn lol

Intermission 

Hey i had a lot of notes on zoro’s POV the entire time loop. and also a lot of thoughts on the fade to black scene of my T rated fanfic. There were three main points I wanted to explore with Zoro’s POV

First: there’s a fun contrast with Zoro (VS Sanji) both feeling utterly alone as the lone person in the time loop and having an actual support network. Sanji talks to basically Iva, Zoro, and Reiju only during his loop, and all of them he keeps at arm’s length, but Zoro is both deadset on winning for his team, and lets his team helps him. Sanji is meanwhile stewing in his own anger alone, despite knowing he’s not the only person stuck there

Second: Zoro is way more of a time loop speedrunner. He has the timeline down pat. He thinks about the details of the game. He’s shaving off minutes of conversations. Sanji doesn’t plan as much, primarily because Zoro’s an unknown that shakes up the loop too much. 

Third: the hookup lol. i liked the idea of their hookup being good but limited emotionally due to how closed off and testy sanji still is about the time loop– in the end an extension of him refusing to show zoro his own injuries. There is that enticing flash of vulnerability at the end, but then Zoro’s back to square one. 

One of the first times i’ve written not like, funny porn for Z/S (which is my default), so look at me. Varying the porn i guess. congrats

epilogue

I have a lot of thoughts on an extended epilogue HAHA. i felt bad adding a secret sad smut chapter but not having the chance to do the opposite; i had one going but i spent like 4k on a luffy recruitment scene and decided… another time…

Zoro is smug about the whole ‘you only get to touch the stanley cup if you WIN!!!’ thing and uses it as an excuse to be the one to touch sanji in the pwp, since he never got the chance in the loop.

I also think luffy takes the stanley cup into the middle of the ocean, gives the one piece speech as usopp livestreams, and tosses it into the sea. Zoro and sanji have to save it (this is how it’s revealed sanji is somehow being traded to the pirates)

[cdroloisms]

c!Dream and early aid for Pogtopia

(i promised this post so long ago rip)

There is a lot to say about c!Dream and the Pogtopia/Manberg era, especially because so many events in this period of time define the future of his character in very long-lasting ways. Much discussion has been focused particularly on the Vassal discussion and c!Dream's loyalties after--today, though, I want to focus on c!Dream's priorities before that discussion and what they might reveal about his goals.

First, I want to quickly link my post I made on c!Dream during the L'manburg Revolution, which establishes a few of the key c!Dreamisms that influence my read of him particularly pre-November 16th. Second, I want to point to a clip in the drodcast that emphasizes that the reason why c!Dream switched sides to Manberg was for the story's sake and in-universe therefore only happened because of the revive book deal, further indicating that the character had no prior intentions to turn against Pogtopia.

All that being said, there are a couple main points I want to make about (how I interpret) c!Dream in early Pogtopia.

c!Dream was already pretty obviously acting alone/isolated at the beginning of this arc

c!Dream was always genuine in his support for Pogtopia

There is more reason to believe in c!Dream's assertion that he wanted "L'manburg to be something" than the opposite

Starting wth point one, I think it's important to acknowledge how c!Dream emphasizes the idea of secrecy repeatedly during the beginnng of the Manberg/Pogtopia arc. He talks about how he has to provide support "from the shadows" in the Tyrant book, and he expresses similar sentiments when he gives supplies to c!Techno around this time as well. At the very least, when he was supplying aid at this point in time, he was pretty damn obviously acting alone--we see this as the arc progresses as well, when c!Dream helps c!Tommy in the Battle of the Lake and when he meets with Pogtopia during Vassal, for example.

Of course, acting alone doesn't necessarily mean isolation, although taking on a big + potentially dangerous task alone can lead to feelings of isolation regardless of that fact, but if we take a look at c!Dream at this time...sure he has friends, and people he's friendly with. But in terms of actual allies, he's kinda been on his own? c!George was decidedly part of Manberg due to the coalition at the start of the arc, and as far back as the Elections we see him claiming that he was "under Dream's rule" to explain that the decisions weren't his own in the Revolution.

Even though c!George obviously does not have high opinions of Wilbur and Tommy and their whole deal re: independence, we also see that no one really protests when c!Dream is called the "leader of tyranny."

And outside of this one debate, when we look at the actual events of the server...c!Dream enters into a few conflicts after the Revolution, all of which were not initiated by him. In these conflicts, he repeatedly has his items used as blackmail against him w/ the discs being the cited justification in a lot of cases (discs that were, once again, legally traded to him). And as far as these conflicts go, in terms of actual allies? There's really no one consistent at all? c!Sapnap outright teams with c!Tommy to get Dream's stuff until he turns on c!Tommy when he realizes opposing Dream isn't a good idea for him. c!Dream gets pulled into c!Sapnap's mess with the Pet Wars and therefore helps him hide their pets when the fight escalates--but at no point does c!Sapnap really outright support c!Dream in a conflict that involves him. c!Skeppy is also out here mostly in it for his own gain and was the one to steal Spirit's leather (from his. grave 😭) in the first place, like. Consistently, when c!Dream is involved in an actual conflict, he acts alone--before the Manberg/Pogtopia arc even begins. Mix in the fact that L'manburg was largely seen as an independent entity despite its technically being a part of the Dream SMP (and therefore Dream having to act accordingly) and the way that like the fandom, the L'manburg Revolution's aftermath brought in a lot of new members that further solidified the narrative in-universe (just like how a lot of new fans joined after the L'manburg Revolution, especially bc of the SAD-ist animation, which all served to solidify the l'manburg = heroes connection in the fandom as well) and the idea of c!Dream as the "bad guy" of the Revolution went relatively unchallenged (along with c!Eret, who obviously never shook the title of traitor.)

c!Dream was lacking in consistent allies and largely dealt with conflicts involving himself alone pre-Manberg/Pogtopia (gestures at how it's me and you against Dream was reiterated repeatedly), and when Manberg/Pogtopia began he had even more reason to act by himself. He was acting against the peace treaty by helping Wilbur and Tommy in Pogtopia, and a lot of the people he knew were friendly with or outright were a part of Manberg (George was a literal part of the government at the beginning, Karl was looking for wherever he could get an advantage, Sapnap is. Sapnap and shit was happening like the Battle of the Lake which literally involved kidnapping Niki, as well as other things)--c!Dream, at this point, is already used to working alone and had many reasons to continue doing so.

Onto point two: c!Dream was genuine in his support of Pogtopia throughout the arc until the point of the revive book deal. I want to point to the clip again from the drodcast, specifically how Dream says that before the conception of the revive book, c!Dream "literally switched for no reason we had no reason for me to switch [outside of the revive book]." This, plus the fact that what canonically does end up driving the decision to "switch sides" by publicly supporting c!Schlatt on November 16th is the literal revive book, all points to how c!Dream wasn't exactly going to side with c!Schlatt easily. It literally takes the whole ass revive book, the item that shatters his view of reality with its implications and was one of the central reasons why he had a paranoid spiral that involved him cooking up the prison for him to consider being on Schlatt's side.

Oftentimes, the arguments around c!Dream in this era and how he was manipulating the situation for his own gain boil down to two main moments where an assertion is made that c!Dream was playing both sides to make them destroy each other, those being Vassal and his speech to c!Eret on November 16th.

The first excerpt, Vassal, happened in early October, and the latter comes from the famous conversation c!Dream has with c!Eret on November 16th. And from these two excerpts, it can seem reasonable to believe that c!Dream's intentions were in the realm of helping both sides destroy each other, especially considering his saying that his plan is "there is no Manberg, there's no L'manburg, there's no Pogtopia, there's just Dream SMP an there's Dream SMP everywhere." But--regardless of whether or not you believe this statement, regardless of whether or not he wanted L'manburg gone from the beginning of this arc, it's undeniable that his actions do not support the claim that he was always planning to help Manberg to sabotage both sides.

The only reason why c!Dream helps c!Schlatt, and by extension Manberg, was the revive book. And this is made quite explicit both in and out of character. This man was calling Manberg L'manburg to Manberg's goddamn cabinet, for god's sake. As soon as the deal with the Election results go down, c!Dream aligns himself with Pogtopia. He supplies Manberg no aid until after the revive book deal and literally warns Pogtopia when he switches sides???? Even the claim that he wanted the two entities to destroy each other doesn't reflect the reality of him knowing that destruction would come at c!Wilbur's hands from the TNT, not from the fight between Manberg/Pogtopia in itself.

Even if you proceed with the reading that c!Dream wanted L'manburg dead and gone and wanted that from the beginning, he quite clearly was helping Pogtopia against Manberg in order to facilitate his goals and was not helping c!Schlatt until the revive book forced his hand.

The third point is the one most up for debate/based on interpretation, but I believe that, based on the information we have, it is more reasonable to believe that at the beginning of Manberg/Pogtopia c!Dream had no plans for the total destruction of L'manburg and didn't necessarily see that as one of his end goals for the server than to say that the opposite is true.

For one, going back to the revolution, c!Dream--even then--didn't have total annihilation of L'manburg as his end goal. He goes into that war knowing that he would give them "technical independence"--allowing them to exist as an entity, hell, allowing them to have 'independence' in some form (although obviously he finds the whole "we are our own server now actually" situation ridiculous). If there was ever any time to pursue the total destruction of L'manburg as an entity, it would've been then, before L'manburg was ever firmly established.

If we take c!Dream purely at his word (a dubious thing to do for sure, obviously, mans is a liar--but at the same time, c!Dream at that time was also a man that was known to generally keep his end of the deal) then c!Dream's motives at the beginning of Pogtopia are quite clear: the Tyrant book establishes the reasons why he opposes c!Schlatt, that he was able to maintain peace with L'manburg but did not feel that the same could be true as long as c!Schlatt was leader, and that "Schlatt is no Wilbur."

Later on, in Vassal, he reiterates these points, openly mocking c!Schlatt in connection with democracy and once again stating that he doesn't see Pogtopia as the bad guys + stating that c!Schlatt, unlike c!Wilbur, is unfit as a ruler because of his ambition.

Later on, when outright questioned about why he supports L'manburg now when he was the one that famously opposed them in the Revolution, he says this:

and obviously, right, he could be lying. I'm not discounting that. But it's rather notable, I think, that when it comes to c!Dream agreeing to give c!Wilibur TNT, that's in response to "I want to rig the city"--a city that, at that minute, was in enemy hands and a force that they were planning on fighting. c!Dream had pledged his allegiance to Pogtopia and specifically set a precedent of himself as an ally that would provide military aid and items (see: the gear he gives c!Techno and c!Tommy, Battle of the Lake, hell, he gives c!Tommy TNT literal minutes before Vassal while all but guarding him when c!Tommy is trying to antagonize Manberg in order to bring them back and keep them from discovering Pogtopia)--his support in this area does not, in my opinion, show clear support for the actual ideological reasons behind why c!Wilbur concludes he has to blow up L'manburg (and in Vassal, we actually see him push against those reasons several times, as shown below.)

And again, whether or not you think his disagreement is genuine or if you believe he was just fishing for information/how serious c!Wilbur actually was, I'd say that his words and action in this scene do, repeatedly, indicate a level of hesitance. He is not jumping the gun as soon as the opportunity presents itself for him to get rid of L'manburg once and for all--he's being cautious. Assessing. So much so that c!Wilbur picks up on it and outright threatens him, which is also the point in the conversation where c!Dream stops arguing back against any of the points that he makes:

And the point I'm making here isn't that c!Dream didn't want L'manburg to be destroyed when he agreed to give c!Wilbur the TNT. I think there does exist proof for this point, including whatever the hell Dream knew that Plan B had to happen...I'm so proud was supposed to mean, but that's not the point I'm specifically trying to make here. Rather, I think that until L'manburg's destruction is specifically brought up by c!Wilbur, there is little proof that shows c!Dream as specifically pursuing it/planning to get rid of it for the sake of a factionless server.

Sure, you can say that c!Dream's ideal server would've been a server without L'manburg on it. You could also say that c!Dream's ideal server at the time was a server where c!Tommy shut up abt the damn discs alread and a server where c!Sapnap stopped rampaging through the pet population on the server--there's a difference between "the ideal" and what he was specifically working towards. And the fact of the matter is, after the Revolution, c!Dream really doesn't have any conflicts with L'manburg itself. c!Tommy? Certainly--largely initiated by c!Tommy for the discs that he literally traded c!Dream during the revolutionary war. But c!Dream is hardly entering into faction conflict--he even says, in Tyrant, that they had peace between their two nations, and that it was C!SCHLATT'S election that disrupted that peace.

And c!Dream's particular dislike of factions is also something that I think has a tendency to get...overexaggerated? Especially because it's one of the foundational tenets of the L'manburg mythos--c!Dream is a control freak that opposed the idea of people getting together to make a "country" without him, etc etc. This is even something that is addressed in the Mexican L'manburg debates:

c!Dream doesn't like factions, true. He'd prefer a united server without them, true. But c!Dream being pushed into taking action against any particular faction really didn't start from him just, hating factions in the first place? There always was some kind of inciting incident. By the time of post-Nov 16th, he quite evidently recognizes that factions are going to continue to be a Thing--he never has any outright conflict with the Badlands, for example, because they don't really engage in conflict with him--and later he practically ignores El Rapids even after the whole debacle that was Mexican L'manburg. When c!Dream says "look you guys were fine because you were just existing" in the Tyrant book and in Vassal, that fits the pattern of how he deals with faction conflict on this server? (See, also, how he generally doesn't go after factions post-prison, despite making some implicit threats: the only faction that he goes after is LN, and even if you consider the fact that he probably had bigger fish to fry with the whole, world reset thing, once again factions don't really matter to him until he's registering them as an explicit threat.)

The Revolution was meant to prove a point, the point being don't fuck with me--a point that c!Wilbur clearly understood and abided by. And after the Revolution, c!Dream really never shows any inclinations of wanting conflict with L'manburg or wanting it gone the way that we see that as more consistent trait later on by the time we get to things like the revive book deal, and Nov. 16th, and especially in his dealings with NLM leading up to Doomsday the unfinished symphony, right?

And, you know, all of this makes sense. c!Dream knows that L'manburg isn't just about L'manburg itself, considering the damn story of L'manburg was established by c!Wilbur in like, what, a day? c!Dream and the Americans (tm) were established as the Enemy even though half of them literally weren't involved at all in the drug van conflict (and members of L'manburg had. Literally fought with c!Sapnap in said conflict??) and L'manburg grew out of that story in almost no time at all. c!Dream has zero reason to believe that the destruction of L'manburg in entirety is even possible--he literally didn't think it was possible in the Revolution! c!Dream's priorities for the server isn't a factionless server, it's a peaceful server--not to mention how he literally saw L'manburg as part of the Dream SMP anyway? As long as L'manburg the entity wasn't starting shit (which they weren't, not until Schlatt got elected and everything went to hell) c!Dream really doesn't have a motive to try and Start A Conflict against them (which is antithetical to the whole peaceful coexistence schtick that he was trying to get at) and really doesn't have much of a reason to think that any of that would even work either, considering how he was quite confident that the L'manburgians would never give up when L'manburg was like. A week old.

Of course, with Vassal and with c!Wilbur going "let me destroy it all" it's obviously perfectly possible that c!Dream was thinking hey, the guy that all of L'manburg respects and sees as leader wants L'manburg gone, this could possibly lead to L'manburg being fully dissolved and the server going back to being factionless and united and for that to motivate his later actions in the arc and his support of c!Wilbur. But Vassal still has to happen first. There really isn't any reason to believe that c!Dream was gunning for L'manburg's destruction at the start of the arc, and c!Dream really had every reason to believe that that wouldn't even be possible (and I mean, NLM had rebuilt itself literally like. In the span of a week? So.) Based on what we see, the most that can really be said imo about c!Dream here is that he's being opportunistic, and even then he expresses a level of hesitance throughout Vassal.

Considering how c!Dream supported Pogtopia from the beginning and only ends that alliance because of the revive book deal and considering how he acted in the time period between the Revolution and Manberg/Pogtopia, I think it's fair to state that c!Dream's statements of his end goal being to return to the "peace" that had existed pre-Manberg through the coexistence of L'manburg and DreamSMP, one side believing themselves independent and the other side believing that they're all part of the same server, was. His original end goal when Manberg/Pogtopia began. He had every reason to support Pogtopia over Manberg (and by extension, Wilbur over Schlatt) when you consider how Wilbur generally was willing to play nice with c!Dream post-revolution, a sentiment rather clearly not shared by c!Schlatt and his expansionist ideals. Even if c!Dream would've preferred a server without L'manburg, his actions as far back as the Revolution indicate to me that the likelihood of his actually creating any plans in that direction is rather small and that his sentiments of returning the server back to how it was in its pre-Manberg state are close to the truth. c!Dream isn't stupid enough to think that destroying L'manburg outright would've suddenly resulted in server peace--destabilizing shit by making everyone mad at him at that point in time really seems antithetical to his goals? It seems more likely to me that c!Dream, in alignment with his goals, at this point would prioritize a peaceful server over a factionless one, especially at a time pre-Manberg nonsense when the whole "L'manburg is an independent nation that Matters A Lot To Everyone" is just so deeply entrenched.

And obviously quite a few important changes happen to his character around this time, especially due to 1) Vassal and 2) the Revive Book Deal. I think that these two in particular have a lot to do with the character that we see in November 16th (when c!Dream is already acting quite a lot more like how he will continue to act over the next two months up until staged finale, and when he's already a little bit more, uh. Unhinged than we've seen him, looks at his laughter when c!Wilbur detonates the TNT.) And obviously a lot of the important development that happens at this time (such as his spending time with c!Wilbur in Pogtopia + the. Everything with c!Schlatt, the book deal, shakes everyone about the book deal again) happens off-screen, so we have to speculate a bit. But at the end of the day, when c!Dream is considered in the context of who he was before Manberg/Pogtopia began as well as who he ends up being at the end of the arc, it definitely feels to me that these early moments shouldn't be as wholly dismissed as an act/front/lies what have you as they commonly are.

[cartoonishlyincorrect]

ok i know im late to the deltarune theory train by like, years now. but also I'm on a kick atm and have a few things I need to throw to the wind before I forget

Pretty sure this is widely agreed upon but Darkners are (in the light world at least) things that Lightners discard. The abandoned classroom hasn't been touched for years, all the Darkners you meet are represented in some way by items found within, and the secret boss is, even within the confines of that abandoned room, even further neglected: the Joker card is almost always the one removed from the deck, and Jevil's locked underneath Card Castle. In Cyber City it's popups and adblockers and long-forgotten malware.

Darkners are the result of Lightners discarding objects.

At the end of an Undertale No Mercy route, the first human confronts the player and encourages them to "erase this pointless world and move onto the next." I'm inclined to be suspicious abt this being "moving onto the next *timeline*" because that only occurs when the player sits on a black screen for, what, ten minutes? It feels like a concession more than anything, so what is this next world? And who are they talking to, specifically?

The Gaster followers are their own can of worms, but I want to focus specifically on Goner Kid, whose dialogue revolves around a "world where everything is exactly the same except you don't exist" before encouraging you to just forget it.

What happens if a Lightner themselves is discarded?

Every soul theory I've seen kinda falls apart at the end of Chapter 2 where Kris, independent of the player, opens a fountain regardless of whether a regular or Snowgrave playthrough was completed. The only conclusion I can come to is that Kris doesn't care about *what* happens during a run, just that it *continues* happening

Do you know what happens before you begin to tell a story? Do you know what happens after the conclusion? Where does everything go in those moments? Does it all just slip between the cracks? Does it disappear? Can it be brought back?

Maybe it can be true that the player is Kris's soul and also that Kris resents the player's actions because they're not their own. We only have their background as far as we're told it exists, and what does a background provide, really? If nothing else, I'd wager at least characterization and justification of actions

If I tell you a story and let you know that a character has a soul, does it become real in that moment, or has it always been that way? Does the story begin for us, but continue for everyone else in this world I've made for you?

Are we interrupting something?

What if you woke up one day knowing damn well that, despite everyone around you saying that this woman is your mother, this is your home, this is your school, these are the people you have been going to class with and this is your town and this is... you know it isn't true. And it can't be true, because you only began existing this morning, deep down you know it, as much as it pains you to admit to yourself, you understand at your very core that this existence you are living only started that morning and no one else seems to acknowledge it.

And then something else starts moving for you, puppeting you around, with some indiscernible mission in mind. If it stops, you won't exist anymore. You know this, you don't know how, but you do. It doesn't seem malevolent, not yet at least, it just wants to poke around your neighborhood, meet your friends, take you on an adventure.

It wants to understand your world. It wants adventure.

Something's just here for a story, it seems.

You go to watch a play. The curtains fall. Where do the characters, not the actors, the characters, go? Are they all dead now?

You go to watch a movie. The credits roll. Are they all dead now?

You go to read a book. The pages end. Are they all dead now?

You go to play a game.

You'll slip between the cracks if they stop looking.

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 57 – Pale by Wildbow

I have been reading Pale as it released from the very beginning in 2020 until the end. As such I am clearly suffering from a severe and acute case of Stockholm Syndrome, and you shouldn’t trust a single thing I say. But to try and step back a bit – Pale is the best 4 million word serial I have ever read, and very nearly even good.

The story follows Avery, Lucy and Verona, precocious and for various reasons marginalized teenagers in a decaying Canadian ski town. They are recruited by a council of the various ghouls, ghosts and goblins who live in the shadows of the town to be its Official Witches and investigate the mysterious death of the Carmine Beast, the greater spirit who stood as judge over all contests of struggle and violence in the region (less in the hopes that find anything and more so that any nosy outsiders can be truthfully told it has already been handled). Being of a protagonist-ey bent, they rapidly exceed their new patrons’ expectations, especially the ones among them who had a hand in the murder. After that it’s basically just literally several million words of things escalating further and further out of anyone’s control.

Or, I kid, but it really is impossible to talk about Pale without forgrounding its length and medium, I think. This is a serial which ran continuously with at least one update a week for more than three years, and (to grab another story about child wizards to compare) is roughly four complete Harry Potter series’ in length. Beyond being an entirely superhuman accomplishment as far as writing productivity goes, this had unavoidable effects on the story as it was being told. It also makes it literally impossible to provide anything like a complete plot summary in a review short enough that anyone will read it. So just take my word that there’s a lot of it, and we’ll come back to the others length-related issues.

This is an urban fantasy book, and a kitchen sink one at that – it’s clearly one of the underlying principles of the setting that it should, insofar as possible, be able to fit every type of storybook monster and horror movie plot and twilight zone episode within it somewhere. Underlying and ordering it all is the axiom that (almost) nothing magical can lie. The world will only respond to your word if its actually worth something – contradicting or gainsaying yourself harms your karma and sets the universe against you, breaking a sworn oath is an open invitation to fates worse than death. The natural consequence of this is that every practitioner (wizard, basically) worth shit has been trained from birth to be an asshole genie and most of the really powerful Others (catch-all term for supernatural creatures) come by it naturally.

None of which is new – this is the second serial Wildbow has written in the setting – but they do combine to make a bunch of amateur detectives investigating a murder really, really fun. The heroines POVs also offers a great way to introduce the setting to the reader, or, at least, provides an excellent justification for in character exposition dumps – and to be clear, this is a series with lore. I consider this an absolute win, but if you don’t like elaborate asides about random monsters or marginal otherworlds that clearly exist only because the author thought they were cool, then this is not the series for you. (On the other hand, most of them are absolutely cool). The world is vast, and the story is full of asides and tangents about things that could easily sustain a novel in their own right.

The other way the exposition is provided is through occasional Extra Materials mini-chapters (quite regular during the beginning of the story, less so as it goes on), which are just excerpts of in-universe documentation – specifically things that the protagonists or occasionally another major character would have been reading. Everything from class notes to chatlogs to investigation summaries as written by one of the girls to local social media posts to a dozen other things. Surprisingly good graphic design on most of them too, which really helps sell them as in-universe artifacts and as ways to characterize the implied authors/readers. It’s very much to the serial’s detriment that these fade away as it goes on.

The series has three protagonists, and chapters alternate between each of their POVs and internal narration. It actually does an excellent job differentiating between Lucy, Avery and Verona and giving them their own distinct voices and making each compelling in their own right (not that I don’t have my favourite, but). While the book’s not perfect about it, on the whole they mostly feel like unusually bright and dedicated teenagers (and increasingly incredibly traumatized child soldiers with variably healthy coping mechanisms), rather than short and legally disabled adults.

As is fairly common with web serials, the normal chapters are intercut with interludes from the perspective of some more minor character. Across all Wildbow’s works, these are honestly where he really shines most, I think. They’re each essentially short stories introducing and providing the history and characterization of someone from their own point of view, in the process more often than not totally recontextualizing their role in the story so far, with how they advance the actual plot almost incidental half the time. If I wanted to sell someone on the setting with as little investment as possible, I would probably just link them the first interlude – the first 90% of the chapter is a really quite good standalone horror story about a totally normal kinda shitty kid getting drawn into and being consumed by an occult living ritual (with its own creepy song! And cannibalism!)

Wildbow is actually an incredibly gifted character writer - both as a web serial author (but on the whole that’s not really any great accomplishment) and just, generally. Despite having an absolutely comically sprawling cast (like, dozens, minimum. If you told me hundreds I’d believe you), he manages to give the vast, vast majority of ones that matter their own distinct aesthetics, voices, and even their own little character arcs and plotlines. Even as much as I complain about bloat and pacing, it never stops being a joy to just spend time in any of the three protagonists’ heads, and I was deeply invested in them achieving their dreams in a way I rarely if ever am for fictional characters.

Now, the complaining. Wildbow is, as I said, one of the best character writers I know working today. The same cannot be said for his skill writing action scenes – which is incredibly unfortunate, because there are so, so fucking many of them. Some serve a real narrative purpose or showcase some bit of characterization, but most could honestly be cut by 90% and you wouldn’t lose anything except wordcount – even the ones which should be there tend to drag on past their natural end because of the book’s love of making things as desperate and hardwon as possible. Which I wouldn’t necessarily mind but like, there are individual action set-pieces that are longer than some published novels. At a certain point exhaustion sets in. If I had to guess, I’d put this down to the fact that when you’re writing 10k words a week and don’t have any concrete ideas of where to go next with the plot worked out, just extending the action scene and throwing some new monsters or puzzles or reversals of fortune at the heroes can eat up a chapter and buy you some time – but just because it’s an understandable consequence of the serial format doesn’t mean I need to like it.

Perhaps reading far too much into it, but if I had to guess, I would say the story’s more structural issues stem from the same thing. Pale was originally planned as a (relatively) short and (relatively) light serial, but in the process of writing rapidly ballooned past all planning and expectation. Which like, as I said, I just enjoyed spending time in the various protagonists’ heads and seeing them develop, but at a certain point you can absolutely start to see the plot starting to outpace all planning and spinning off in multiple entirely new directions that were pretty clearly informed by whatever idea Wildbow was turning over in his head at the time. Sometimes this worked out very nicely – I still love Avery’s whole Thunder Bay/accidental love triangle arc. Sometimes it’s a bit mixed – Wonderkand is a very fun idea, but tonally and aesthetically is kind of a mismatch with 90% of the rest of the setting. Sometimes, well – did anyone like the extended Aurum/Dark Fall trial sequence? But even aside from individual arc quality, if you are someone who cares even slightly about things like ‘pacing’, ‘narrative discipline’, or ‘plot points/foreshadowing not going in weird directions or fading in the background because the author just forgot/kind of lost interest in them in the course or writing a novella weekly for three years’ then oh boy is this not the story for you.

A similar sort of thing happens, I think, with the story’s themes. Pale is from the beginning very explicitly concerned with ideas of punitive versus rehabilitative justice, an already slightly fraught use of the subjugation/binding of magical creatures as a metaphor for oppression and colonization, and just generally with the idea of building a better world in the hidden corners of the current one. The story, well, remains very interested with those subjects, but having any coherent viewpoint on them falls to the wayside compared to coming up with ways to advance the plot or dilemmas to throw at the protagonists or just vivid bits of imagery in the moment. This more or less generalizes – I kind of get the sense that Wildbow set out wanting to write something that goes against his narrative reflexes/habits, but as the story went on and the writing piled up they just kind of crept back in. Certainly for a story that take pains at first to emphasize how hellish and cruel long term binding and confinement are, the happy ending involves a lot of various cruel and torturous prisons that are portrayed as somewhere between necessary and just. The big final villain also more or less works on a character level, but thematically is basically the single worst choice of anyone the protagonists faced down across the entire story.

I’m accentuating the negative here, and part of that is just because I’m a miserable husk of a human, but it’s also just that Pale’s real problems tend to be structural, while its high points are much more particular and specific, and hard to sell without immense amounts of context – there are so many random side characters who get more compelling stories than the actual protagonists of some books I’ve read this year, and a half dozen scenes that are pretty permanently burned into my memory. My favourite dynamic involves a character whose only present for, like, 3% of the story max.

At one point the story was intended to end with Arc 13, followed by a hiatus and then a sequel. I still think this would have been the correct choice, even that ending would rip my fucking heart out and also possibly get Wildbow literal bombs mailed to his house. Still – if you can stand that sort of ending and also are the sort of person to read million-word web serials to begin with, that would be my recommendation. Get to that point, and then decide for yourself how invested you are in spending time in the heads of the protagonists and in the world. Or read Pact, which is like a fifth of the size and ostensibly set in the same setting – though leans so much further into horror than urban fantasy for tone that functionally there’s a lot of discrepancies.

All of which said, Verona Lucy and Avery are going to live in my head for the rest of my life and I make no apologies about this.

[noisytenant]

my one uspol voting related post. does not tell you to vote or not, nor who to vote for. is only my thought process.

i pondered it for a while and i feel like if harris loses, they're just gonna blame pro-palestinian voters (regardless of whether or not they're the decisive factor in the loss), rather than realize that the democratic party needs to change their strategy from Supporting Genocide.

if harris wins, they can no longer use the line "if you don't vote for me, you're letting trump win!" perhaps this can create pressure by eroding their flimsy (and ugly) justification?

however, there's no guarantee that the win won't galvanize the dems further into ignoring pro-palestinian voices. i can only really hope for a better outcome than that.

regardless of who wins, the forces of fascist pressure will continue to exist. one must strategize beyond voting. make their lives hell

...anyways. This is not an invitation to argue or tell me your opinion. my ballot is already sealed. i just wanted to share my thoughts because i have felt quite preoccupied with what decision would feel right for me, and i suspect i'm not alone. i hope i can provide at least an interesting and novel perspective.

[irenespring]

Rewatching both House and ER and I have been thinking about why I find House to be a far more sympathetic character than Robert Romano.

To be clear: I know House's behavior is horrible. He should have been fired. There is no moral justification for his actions. However, as my favorite history professor constantly says: "context is not justification."

Words vs. deeds: House says a lot of terrible things, but his actions paint a different picture. He says antisemitic nonsense, but it never alters his attitudes towards Taub, Wilson, and Cuddy. He says he will sexually harass Cameron and Chase, and definitely does sexually harass Cuddy--but he never touches them without permission, and doesn't want to date an employee even when Cameron really wants to date him. Romano, on the hand, engages in verbal sexual harassment, and then does act on it. He tries to get Elizabeth deported because she won't sleep with him. He tries to get any out lesbian fired.

Backstory: House is the main character of the show titled House. As such, though we don't learn a lot about him, we are provided insights into his past. A big part of helping viewers empathize with a character is helping them understand why he is like this. You get a sense of House's tragic backstory, and how that backstory forged him into the kind of person he is. Romano, on the hand, is never fully expanded on. All we really know about him is that he has a good relationship with his mother. There isn't enough data to understand, and thus connect, with his overall character. He was intended to be a villain, rather than an anti-hero.

Self-reflection: House is a terrible person, and he knows it. He hates it. When he talks about the world with patients (I've noticed this particularly in season 1) he sounds really fucking sad. He wants the world to be better, he wants to be better, but this is how the world works and therefore he can only present himself one way and stay safe. This self-knowledge makes him a more conflicted character, and shows he has empathy. He wants to change, but doesn't think he can. On the other hand, Romano is deeply arrogant, not superficially arrogant. He thinks he's the shit. He truly believes he is the world's greatest man and entitled to act however he wants to the "little people" as he calls them. This removes a certain depth from his character.

Show tone: House is a show about terrible people. Everyone is crazy in their own unique ways. The show is about looking at the good in those terrible people. In order to enjoy the show, you have to stop yourself from analyzing the morality of the characters' actions. ER, on the other hand, is at least supposed to be about good people (don't get me started about how the protagonists treat Kerry, and whether that actually makes them good people). People are supposed to be heroic. The characters face deep ethical dilemmas the audience is supposed to consider. This makes Romano's heinous actions stand out and force the viewer to analyze them.

Pain: House is in pain. He is in pain all the fucking time. When people are in pain, they are less patient, more likely to snap. There's a standard view that when people are in a huge amount of pain, they say things they don't mean. They try to hit people where it hurts because of how much they hurt. This doesn't excuse his actions, but does create further separation between House's words and his innate character.

Anyway both ER and House are good shows, but suffer from being from the early 2000s (or mid-late 1990s in ER's case). You should watch them! But yeah, Romano bothers me way more than House, who I think would be an interesting foil for Kerry.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, I hope you're doing well! Your blog is infinitely helpful. I'm seeking advice on navigating a friendship with an ENTJ. I'm an INFJ. I am having difficulty maintaining a friendship with an ENTJ. The reason being is that often times he's arrogant, critical and insensitive. In turn he views me as overly sensitive and too serious.

We often have intellectual conversations. However, in these conversations he's dismissive of my ideas and opinions on topics we discuss even if I'm well versed on a topic. So often when we have an intellectual conversation I end up feeling unintelligent and unheard even if this isn't his intention. I always listen and take into consideration his opinions/ideas. If he has a different opinion I'll do some research on it. Perhaps I'm wrong and it's a moment in which I can be teachable.

There was also a time when I needed emotional support and I came to him for it. He was quite critical and judgemental which made me feel worse. Afterwards I told them this and he said it wasn't his intention. And I do believe it wasn't.

I find this friendship difficult to navigate as we always annoy and push each others buttons with our differences. I have thought about letting go of this friendship but I put it on hold because perhaps it's an opportunity for growth and understanding/middle ground. And I do admire the traits he possesses that I don't have. However, if it remains a one sided effort I will leave. Any advice? Thank you 💕

----------------------

Generally speaking, before you chalk up relationship conflicts to "irreconcilable differences", it is important to check whether it's actually a problem of poor communication.

1) Clarify unmet needs: For example, on one hand, this relationship satisfies your need for intellectual stimulation; on the other hand, it doesn't satisfy your need for emotional support. Does either party have any other unmet needs that require attention? Bring them all out into the open if you hope to resolve them.

2) Discuss unmet needs: Relationships require maintenance, otherwise it's easy for background resentment to build up over time. Sometimes it's necessary to sit down and talk things out directly. Are you able to communicate about your unmet needs purely from the "I" perspective, matter-of-factly, without judgment, blame, or criticism? In order to facilitate understanding, have you described the unmet needs in detail and provided a reasonable explanation for why they are important to you? If necessary, are you able to provide concrete examples to illustrate that this is a recurring issue which threatens the health or longevity of the relationship? People can't read minds, so it's up to you to impress upon them how important something is to you.

3) Make reasonable requests: Have you asked nicely or made an explicit request of the person to attend to your unmet needs? Have you provided them with clear instructions (assuming they are ignorant) about exactly how or what they ought to do to help you fulfill the unmet needs? People can't read minds, so help them help you by being open and clear about the change you're envisioning.

The best you can do is communicate about the problem reasonably. You don't get to control how others respond or whether they agree to honor your requests. A person who claims to care about you or love you ought to i) make an attempt to understand the situation from your perspective, and ii) put out some effort to improve the relationship whenever problems arise.

If they can't agree with your point-of-view, they should at least be willing to talk about why. If they can't agree to honor a request, they should at least offer up a reasonable justification and encourage further dialogue. Even if they agree to honor a request, they might not always succeed, but making an effort shows that the relationship is redeemable. Hardened resistance to listening, regular dismissal of your feelings, constant refusal to address relationship issues - these are all "red flags" that indicate the relationship isn't on solid ground. It sounds like some red flags have already appeared?

Even when both parties are willing to address a problem, failure is still possible. One more thing you ought to do is check your expectations to see if you're being fair and reasonable. Is it reasonable to expect one friend to cover many different needs? Are you expecting something from him that he is simply incapable of offering/giving to you, for whatever reason? If that's the case, you have a choice to make: i) Accept and love people for who they are and find other methods of fulfilling your unmet needs, or ii) Decide that this is a deal breaker for you (i.e. the cons seriously outweigh the pros) and move forward with a better idea of what you need out of the next relationship.

[highdramas]

don’t you hear me howling | t.m.

pairing: tommy miller x f!reader

warnings: language, canon typical sadness, allusions to violence

word count: 3019

summary: you’re a wild thing, unable to be tamed by anyone, least of all tommy. but perhaps he can provide you a safe place to land, if only you would let him.

notes: if you are under 18 do not interact with my work or this fic. i will absolutely be continuing this because yes i am obsessed with this vibe!

you hadn’t been a nice girl in a very, very long time.

if someone asked you if you were a bad person, you’re not quite sure what you would have to say for yourself. is anyone good in the same way that a person could be good in the before times? you, personally, don’t think so. but moral righteousness continues even in the face of an apocalypse, so you suppose that you will continue to have to answer for the crimes that you have committed. crimes that aren’t crimes at all, really– crimes to live. crimes to survive.

tommy miller was a nice man. a kind man. and you should’ve felt worse for the things that he did– the things he did for you. but you don’t.

you hear the familiar knock against the door of your cabin. you’d been on your own for a long time. you originally came from the los angeles qz, and maybe you would’ve been better off there. but time had brought you further east until you had settled in the wood outside of jackson. the winters were cold and the food was scarce, but you got by. and it was better than your alternatives. it was better than tricking and killing and tricking again and killing again, over and over, in the thick of a qz that’s overrun by corrupt fedra soldiers. this was better than any of that could ever be.

but, still. it doesn’t matter how familiar the knock is. you keep your pistol drawn as you open the door. he has a small smile on his face, hands raised. “if you shoot me, who’s gonna bring you this sweet, sweet grub?”

“i would find another sorry schmuck with a savior complex around here somewhere.”

this gets a huff of a laugh and a tiny nod of his head. “i don’t know if anyone else could survive you.”

the spread that he supplies you this week is more than you could’ve asked for. this is routine between the two of you. he brings supplies and you… what do you supply, really? you bring the knowledge that the land surrounding the jackson settlement is protected, you suppose. no one had gotten past your cabin in months. it was mutually beneficial; you’d kill anyone, didn’t matter how nice they were, and tommy never had to know about it. in return, you got their gear. and supplies.

you always wondered what tommy told them. his people, the people back in jackson who relied on him, and relied on you to keep this surrounding land safe, even if they weren’t fully aware of you. you wondered what his explanation was for why he enjoyed these woods so much.

your name had caught on the wind and ridden it; not your true name, but the name that the earth gave you. some say you’re a witch, some say you’re the devil. some say you’re the guardian over these woods. in a way, you suppose all of those are true to varying degrees. you don’t care what they say as long as you get to survive. why do you fight so hard to live? you don’t really know the answer to that question, either.

and maybe your weekly visit from your neighbor keeps you human in a world that’s begging to make you undead and unfeeling. 

it was funny, you couldn’t help but think. tommy miller’s penchant for visiting a creature such as yourself. you had no idea that he liked strays so much.

but, oh, he did. he liked you much more than he was capable of putting into words, into justification. it didn’t matter when people in jackson questioned what business he had outside the border; he reminded people that they didn’t need to have all the answers. that some things were better left unsaid.

but were you better left unsaid? sometimes, he gazed upon you and an invitation to his home was on the tip of his tongue. he wanted to tell you how you could be welcomed into a fold, into a pack. you were a wolf but so was everyone else and, yes, they would be wary– but surely not as wary as you would be of them. sometimes he looked at you and it was so easy to imagine how you could sit shoulder to shoulder at a dinner table. how he might like to watch as you settle into a seat for movie night. did you have a favorite movie? might he be able to track it down for you? these are the thoughts that he falls asleep and awakes with. you have become a ghost in his mind, inhabiting every corner of his brain and knocking on his skull, your sirens song in his ear at every hour of the day.

you represented everything that he had tried to leave behind. all of the bad things that he had done with joel– you were still willing to do those bad things, even if they weren’t your first pick anymore. that was your idea of survival. and he doesn’t want to save you, he doesn’t want to rescue you from what you have chosen, even if you tease him about his savior complex.

but there is a piece of him that wants to be with you.

i don’t know if anyone else would be able to survive you. you don’t know, either. your meeting with tommy miller was pure happenstance, was purely born from the fact that you needed a refuge and he had offered it to you. you were nothing more than a feral cat– injured and scared and ready to scratch. but he had learned how to be patient with you, how to crouch and extend his hand and let you go to him. you would’ve died if tommy miller hadn’t found you in these woods. if the elements and your illness hadn’t taken you, someone with the most sinister of intentions would’ve. you lucked out, that day. stumbling upon tommy.

he had tried to get your permission to take you back to jackson, where there was a doctor who could look at you and help you. but you had refused his offer and you had hissed at him to leave you, to take you somewhere dry and sheltered from the snow storm and to leave you there. it wasn’t the way that you wanted to go, but it was better than your alternatives.

but tommy miller, for all of his strengths, is nothing if not a stubborn man. and he wasn’t going to let you go.

when he lead you to the cabin that would become the refuge you know it to be now, when he had left you, you were convinced you wouldn’t see him again. that he was an angel sent from a god that you never believed in to offer you some sort of comfort in those final moments. but when he returned, you decided that this god must enjoy playing cruel tricks on you. perhaps it was a retribution for all of the horrible things you’d done. you deserved it, didn’t you?

those days are a blur. your wound had been infected and had long made you delirious, even if you were still fighting, still trying to scrape together any amount of strength you had to stay alive. but the winter was so harsh and yet you burned so hot. you remember drifting in and out of consciousness, you remember how tommy stayed there with you. how he scarcely left your side. made you eat, made you drink, gave you medicine. all of those things that tommy had done for you.

so, yes. maybe no one else would be able to survive you. but they didn’t see you the way that tommy had seen you. weak and scared, more animal than woman in those days. some days, those instincts still took over, and you were still that feral beast from before. a horse tied to a tree too long, mean like a bad dog, a reclusive jittery cat.

some days, you’re human again, and it feels good.

“i thought you liked that no one else survives me.” you look at him over your shoulder, dunking your fresh tea bag into a mug of steaming water. “that’s why you keep me around, no? so that no one else survives?”

“one of many reasons.”

tommy steps inside and he puts the bags to your dingy table with a plunk. over the course of the past year, you and tommy had really done something with the place. still, when you look at the floors you’re reminded of yourself slumped on it, when the place stank of near-death and medical grade alcohol. but he had brought wood out here and the two of you had built your furniture. he brought things in batches– sheets and pillows and all of the things that you would need to live, to truly live. you had a small gas powered stovetop which allowed you to cook more comfortably than you would’ve otherwise.

it wasn’t ideal. it wasn’t anywhere close to ideal, and if tommy had it his way, he would whisk you away to jackson and you would leave this house behind forever. but it didn’t work that way, and that was okay, too. he’d learned quickly that trying to persuade you of anything was futile.

“well,” you prop your hand on your hip as you watch him. “nice to know that there’s more than one.”

those dark, pretty eyes settle on you. “don’t play dumb. there’s plenty of reasons.”

you scoff and roll your eyes, waving your hand in a dismissive gesture. “sure.” you sit down at the table and gesture for him to do the same. there are only two chairs in this home: yours, and his. “so. tell me the latest.”

it fascinated him, the way that you so deeply refused to live the way he does, yet you’re so intrinsically drawn to it. you know almost every name of every person who lives in jackson. you know the families, you know the couples, you know who has hooked up with who and why they won’t make it official. all of the things that make jackson a normal, real society– those are the things that you beg tommy to tell you of. and, sure, if you were brought face to face with them… you might just snarl.

but this was the thing about knowing tommy. it was so easy to pretend that it’s all just make believe, that jackson is this fictional place and tommy is still just some figment of your imagination. hell, maybe he is. maybe you’ve been in a coma this whole god damn time and god is toying with you in purgatory.

you like thinking that’s not the case. you like whatever this thing is between you and tommy. it feels good.

and so, tommy does. he gives you the latest gossip in town. he’s even found himself in the past year prying more into the business of others because he knows that you’d get a kick out of it. that you’d kick him for not offering more information, so he digs a bit deeper than he might have before he knew you.

towards the end, he says, “and…” he clears his throat and glances down at his interlocked hands. “somethin’ else happened.”

you tilt your head to the side.

“my brother.” he looks you head on. “he came to jackson. came from the east, we were on patrol. shit, if he had come from the west…” he shakes his head and he says what you’re both thinking.

if he had come from the west, you would’ve killed him, without a second thought. maybe, just maybe if he had spit out fast enough that he was looking for someone named tommy, you would’ve spared him.

“had a girl with him. a little girl. he’s trying to get her to the fireflies.” tommy shakes his head. “seein’ him…” he looses a breath. “man. i didn’t know what that was gonna be like, but…”

his eyes find yours and there’s something hidden in your eyes that he finds comforting. it’s like you don’t know how to comfort him, but he can tell that you wish to, and that’s enough. “it was good to see him,” he finally settles upon saying, glancing down at his hands. “it was real good.”

“that’s nice,” you say softly, clearing your throat, setting your mug down. your hands are rubbing at your thighs and this is where you get that familiar itch. that itch that can only be scratched by shutting tommy out, by closing the door in his face and secretly hoping that maybe next time he won’t come by. maybe he’ll get tired of you and you’ll finally have a viable excuse to move on from this cabin in these woods and you won’t have to look back. you won’t have to miss a man who you shouldn’t feel a damn thing towards. but, you resist. “i didn’t know you had a brother,” is what you settle on saying, and it makes tommy’s head snap up in an instant.”

the corner of his mouth turns up, and it’s as though he knows that he has won something, that he has made some sort of breakthrough. you look away because that near-smile is just too damn much and he says, “he’s my big brother. was with him on outbreak day.” he clicks his tongue to the roof of his mouth. “can i keep talkin’ about this, or are you gonna run for the hills?”

you scowl and meet his gaze. a million things rest in your eyes and all of them fascinate tommy. how you can be so cruel but so beautiful, so harsh and so cold but so warm and so inviting, almost intoxicating to him. there’s something forbidden about what rests between you, about this secret that he harbors. there are women in jackson who long for his attention, who attempt to grasp it with their hands. but you have his attention by the neck, your fingers putting bruises into it with how hard you grip him. how enthralled he is by you. it would be so much easier if he could fall in love with a woman in jackson. if he could fall in love with anyone who isn’t you, isn’t the witch of these woods.

“i’m not running.” you jut your head up, your jaw set in defiance. “so keep talking.”

and he does. for all of the time that you’ve spent with tommy, there’s not much that you have known about his history. but you learn. over the course of that time with tommy, you learn so much of it– joel and sarah and what their life had been like before outbreak day. what tommy liked to do. what his friends were like. so much is shared and then he’s left sitting there and you’re opening and closing your mouth, and there’s a part of you that wants to spill your own history right there at his feet, but… it’s too much.

he senses it in you. you stand up and you pace back and forth once and then turn to the meager kitchen, your hands gripping the counter. your history swirls around in your head and if you could throw it up everywhere instead of speaking it you would, it might be easier.

tommy is behind you. his hands ghost over your arms and he slowly touches you and it makes your eyes squeeze shut. “what are you afraid of?” he murmurs. “is it me you’re scared of? is that it?”

your stomach turns and you reach up to rub your forehead. “yes. no. i don’t know.” your voice is quiet and broken, and you’re more like the girl you were on that first day than you have been in a very long time.

“afraid of me knowing you?”

and that’s it, isn’t it? he hits the nail on the head because despite your best efforts, despite all of the things that you keep so close to your chest, despite all of the ways that you attempt to push tommy away, he does know you. deeply.

slowly, you nod your head. “terrified.” you look up out the small window, at the blanket of untouched snow. “because how does this end?”

“i don’t know what you mean.”

“do i come with you?” you turn slowly and his hands fall to his sides. he’s struck by this look in your face, the closest to tears he’s ever seen you. “is that it? i come and live with you in jackson? i–” you laugh. “i don’t know if i’m capable of living the way that you live.”

“try.” tommy’s hands go to your shoulders and he jostles you a bit and it almost catches you off guard. “try. for me. can’t you?”

“i don’t know,” you whisper to him. “i’m not good.”

“you think i’m good?” he’s not offended that you flinch when he reaches out and touches your face. his hold is gentle but that doesn’t matter– this is a world of violence, and he’d probably flinch, too. “i’m not good. not even close. but that place gets me closer to good every day.” his eyes bounce around your face. “you deserve to feel good.”

“i don’t know if i do,” you murmur and you shrug out of his grasp, shake him off of you, pretend like it doesn’t mean anything when you both know how much it does. your eyes shine when you stare at him. “and even if i do… i don’t know if i’m ready.”

“that’s alright.” tommy licks his lips and he nods once. “i’m gonna be waiting for when you are.”

it had never been put in such plain terms before. but now there’s a gleam of something in tommy’s eyes– determination. “i’ll wait as long as i need to.”

what is there to say to that? you lean back against the counter, grip it with cracked nails, and nod. “okay.”

[atelierlili]

What happened in the thg subreddit?

I didn't want to continue stirring the pot, but honestly I'm still miffed about it so I'm gonna answer. I wouldn't care if it only happened to me, but it didn't and that makes me even more angry lmao. It's why i've been quiet for a few days. I had to simmer down.

I will not provide links of any sort, I don't want this to spark about shitstorm and draw more any more attention it than I already have. If you know, you know, you know?

But the tHG subreddit are guilty of but are not limited to:

Thinly veiled racist remarks regarding fan/artist interpretation of character's skin tone. As if the skin colour of one's skintone doesn't further add to the class disparity that is VERY canon in the books. Then downvoting when people (especially the OP) give their justifications on their interpretation, which is actually supported by the book. Look at a fucking bowl of olives, they come in all different shades and hues. This issue only scratches the surface we talk about race, skin colour and its relationship with the books AND how the community handles it. It's a shit show all around.

2. Unsolicited criticism of fan art. (This is what I'm most upset about.) If someone isn’t asking for criticism, it’s wrong to offer critiques, especially if it’s a stranger. I don’t care if the person critiquing is an artist of whatever skill, don’t even care if it’s Da Vinci himself, it’s inappropriate. Art is time consuming and its is personal even when we say it isn’t. Someone people like to draw things a certain way and sometimes they prefer to use colour outside of conventional means. Who cares. When they share it to their community, they’re sharing something they love and care about, ripping it apart with criticism and critiques spoils that joy. I don't care if you're an artist yourself and you just want someone to improve, if I didn't ask for critiques, I don't want it. You're not an artist at that point, you're a hemorrhoid. Completely unwanted. Gonna need a cream for that.

I view my fanart differently than I would an art assignment I've giving my art teacher for mark. Different frame of mind, different goals. All of which I get to decide if I want criticism or not.

This is how a bad apple spoils the bunch. THG is over 10 years at this point. While the new books and movies bring in new content every now and then, for the most part we're on the smaller side of the fandom. If you ask me, fanfic writers are the backbone of this fandom and we're extremely lucky to have so many talented writers who still continue to write for us. We have a small handful of fanartists in comparison. Go to the THG subbreddit and you might see at least one or two new fanart artwork once a week thanks to the self promotion Sunday. Might see less if this sort of behaviour continues. Sorry, not sorry, but being a total asswort to and dogpiling on your content creators are a surefire way to never get content from them again. In all of this i forget to mention that 95% for fanwork is given away for free to the community, for the community to enjoy.

I didn't think it was that bad until I saw it first hand and in development. If I didn't have my friends here on tumblr and on the discord server, I'd probably straight up leave.

Of course, these issues aren't exclusive on reddit. My first encounter with some nasty individuals began here on tumblr. But its different if one singular user on tumblr leaves an nasty ignorant and racist comment compared to that user getting upvoted a bunch of times and any sort of justification by the original artist or OP gets DOWNVOTED to hell. One asshole is fine, but seeing the dogpile is something else.

Anyway, my relationship with how I viewed the subreddit has drastically changed this week. Not for the better. I'll keep posting to piss people off and let them get a twist in their panties, but I am more certainly going to limit my interactions with users there.