#or at least give me the highlights
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me all of 2024:
me now that bounprem and kristsingto are actively working on their series:
#i RISE#gimme EVERY UPDATE#the urge to beg someone to translate the revamp novel into english#or at least give me the highlights#but also don’t tell me anything#but also like#i didn’t even hesitate before reading the leaked synopsis of ex-morning so#my willpower is nothing#and lying to myself is unhealthy#give me the revamp novel#i will eat it whole like a snake and learn thai as it digests#bounprem#kristsingto#revamp the series#the ex morning
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It always gets me how fond Rei seems of Conan.
And then, on the other end of the spectrum, you have Conan:
#i guess i can kind of give conan a pass for this particular instance of annoyance#because this is rei's first appearance after the tea party we'll never get to see#and if i had to guess i would say that rei was probably kind of an ass during that#not sure if conan witnessed it but i'm sure he at least got the highlights#but still it's very funny to me#anyway i was reading the manga version of the siren splash case#for entirely non-petty research reasons i assure you#and that panel of rei being fond/proud of conan just made me smile#detective conan#furuya rei#edogawa conan
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i'm having hyperfixation drought so i did what i did best and created a crossover episode
#trafficblr#life series#hermitcraft#qsmp#the drought's been crazy i had to make qsmp x life series/hermitcraft you don't understand i literally had to#i literally cannot tag all of the cubitos without going over the limit so i'm gonna use them to rant about these doodles instead#when i tell you that i think dl!pearl would've loved tilín i'm telling you i think she would've LOVED them like.#something about just wanting to find love at every turn but feeling unwanted spdihgpisadhfpa. and also tilín's name is similar to tilly LOL#the jelly egg is just like if the double life jelly pandas were just an egg that scar loves with all his heart and grian reluctantly accept#i think out of all the duos in qsmp. the one i would want to see in the dl soumate premise the most is slimeriana. it's the dysfunctionalit#i made a post in the past about pac and tango being my fav cubitos bcs they were both crazy cartoonish and like scientists#but it kinda felt like a disservice to leave mike and zedaph out because to me they're argubly crazier and more cartoonish#missa and tim are paired bcs i just really wanted an excuse to draw the wet cats and it just so happened they both have relations to death#skizz and jaiden as the lawyers who were SHOCKINGLY good at their jobs like they cooked with that one#(was also gonna draw joe and roier as bad lawyers but i was running outta steam)#someone's already made a post about grian and (el) quackity and their eye entities so not much elaboration needed there#fit and etho just give the same vibe to be as a dude who has a reputation and is well-known and seems intimidating#i also made fit's arms way too skinny and i don't like it...but i'm not gonna go back and change it now i spent embarassingly long on this#but then his silliness is brought out by The Narrative#foolish and bdubs is one of my favorite drawings because i just knew i wanted to highlight the silly height difference#just realized they're also both god-like figures at least at some point#cellbit and rendog. cat and dog and lore. enough said about their connection.#i couldn't decide who fit etoiles combat hungry anime protagonist vibe best bcs martyn was originally paired with him#but i wanted martyn with phil so i went with my second options: joel and gem#i couldn't draw them mid rage but essentially the title is derived from “WHO KILLED EMPANADA” and “do me a favor. die for me.”#philza minecraft and martyn inthelittlewood. they feel like twins but one is evil (it's martyn)#SOMETHING I FORGOT THAT I WISH I ADDED: BBH AND BIGB AS THE ENTITIES WHO LIE. I HATE MYSELF HOW COULD I FORGET THAT#if i were to pair impulse with someone it would be tubbo? either him or scar would've been with tubbo#and then lizzie i just did not know who i wanted to pair her with. no one really does it like her in my opinion#scott's someone i also had no idea who to put him with he's just so...him...
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hmmm thinking about when aomine tells kise he is “naive as always” during the touou v kaijou game. and just the kise that aomine sees and perceives. bubbly and bratty and whiny kise from middle school. kise who challenged haizaki a little too early. over-confident, too optimistic about his own skill kise, who didn’t fully understand and openly questioned kuroko’s worthiness to the teiko team. kise who looks at aomine with tangible, starry-eyed admiration. kise who admires aomine to the point that kise’s playing style and ability/willingness to truly play to win was stifled against aomine. the always reaching for and looking towards aomine, kise. kise who explicitly states that his goals in basketball revolved around aomine. kise who in last game; when aomine tells kise to try not to get in his way, doesn’t say anything snarky or sharp like he might with midorima or kagami, but lightheartedly agrees that he wont get in the way. kise who replies "really? can i really?!" after aomine answers yes, kise can take on silver by himself. kise who aomine scolds when the former passes the ball to kagami and not to him in last game. kise who aomine punches haizaki for, kise who he wants to and feels he has to protect. kise who aomine stares out the windows and silently thinks about during the touou v kaijou game break. kise who imayoshi says aomine couldn't release his full strength against during the touou v kaijou game. kise who aomine has a soft spot for.
just how aomine views kise. and the many masks and sides to kise and the ones he shows to aomine. does it differ from the kise he shows to others. what is it about aomine that he's shown this side of kise. what is it about kise that aomine sees kise the way he does. and how kise's flippancy and boldness isn't specific to when hes playing against aomine, but his softness sometimes is. and aomine's viewing of kise and how its something... soft? maybe not soft but. something circled in gentleness. something with softness trying to get it. just their perception of each other and how its a little flawed, a little biased, a little mutually soft.
#aokise#kise ryouta#aomine daiki#knb#kuroko no basket#hmmm#that line is rlly interesting to me; naive as always#because he isnt naive; not really#just how aomine treats and sees kise and how kise is around aomine#and his tendency to give into aomine. or at the very least follow aomines lead#was also thinking ab how fanfic writers tend to highlight kise’s softness in aokise fics too#and whats that rooted in#🍓.knb#🍓.aokise#that poem thats this is love trying to get in...
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I saw a "Yttd hot takes" post yesterday and it actually tickles my brain a bit how the majority of responses are not hot takes at all and mostly boil down to not caring for/hating Midori and saying that he's not deep or interesting at all and very surface level, thinking soushin is "proship" and if you like it you're probably an abuser irl or that you're ""romanticising"" abuse (that word needs to be put on the highest possible shelf btw) if you interpret it as romantic and that the greenblings reveal sucks because somehow it means that Sou and Kanna aren't found family anymore. There's having hot takes and then there's misunderstanding characters/dynamics and spouting the same dangerous bs all fandoms do, and 95% of the responses leaned heavily towards the latter options.
I have opinions on that greenblings take, but those soushin and Midori takes are something else and by that I mean not at all. Like, I'm sorry, but if your "hot take" doesn't oppose the general consensus of the fandom you're in, it's not a hot take. You're serving me white rice with unseasoned chicken and bland curry and I call that false advertising.
#yttd#your turn to die#i'm actually a lot more amused than mad cuz it's comically silly#how do you think “i don't care for this character and its main relationships at all and can't find anything worth analysing or interesting-#-so fans of this character are just reaching cuz there's nothing there tbh" and not connect the dots XD yeah gee golly i wonder why that is#this is just classic yttd twitter being yttd twitter so it's nothing surprising but c'mon at least give me something actually spicy#i want to hear opinions that are not just the same “x character/ship is overrated/mid/underrated” over and over again#give me something that challenges a popular headcanon without bastardising the character to do it#highlight a legit issue in the fandom that barely anyone talks about cuz they all buy into it#i deadass need someone to be like “i actually ship keisara and think it fits the characters and their personalities” or something like that#regardless of if i agree or not i can respect someone saying that with their whole chest in a fandom as puritanical and antiship as yttd's#well the temperature of that take changes depending on where you say it but i'm talking about the western side of the fandom specifically#if your hot take doesn't make people wanna crucify you then what's the point#momento rambles
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s4 episode 24 thoughts
season FINALE!!! whew, it has been an emotional time these last few months, let me tell you that. i’m wondering how or if this will be wrapped up.
the episode description makes no mention of scully’s illness, just more aliens. we always end the seasons with aliens. i imagine that this will also be a cliffhanger, so i’m trying to brace myself for that now.
(author's note: there was nothing short of reaching enlightenment that could have prepared me for this, and even if i had ascended to nirvana, i might have been ripped back out by the sheer tragedy of this storyline)
but damn, with a title like gethsemane, i’m expecting even more tears than usual.
(author's note: yeah)
let us no longer delay.
we begin with some videos from 1972, including carl sagan! what’s he doing here? well, he’s doing alien things. are you surprised?
the man on the screen is speaking about the probability of contacting aliens. he says it is very high.
and then cut to scully in some very yellow lighting, politely trying to get to a crime scene to do some FBI business!
wait. is that mulder’s couch???
she just needed to make an ID on a body and BRO WHAT. DID SHE FIND MULDER DEAD??? IN HIS OWN APARTMENT?????
HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO???!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
now she’s in a meeting room with a lot of important people….
she’s explaining how she was assigned to the x files four years ago…. and she’s explaining the mulder lore.
“i come here today, four years later, to report on the illegitimacy of agent mulder’s work” <- WOAH WHAT??? betrayal?????
“it is my scientific opinion that he became over the course of these years a victim- a victim of his own false hopes, and in his belief in the biggest of lies” <- that is so sad????!?!??
HELLO??? WHAT??? hey. what’s going on. is that really scully? or is it an alien?
well. they’ve gotten me both hooked and worried.
is she lying to save him?? is he dead?? is she preserving his reputation in death?? because she said that stuff in the past tense… or maybe he was killed and she will be next if she doesn’t renounce everything???
WHAT IS AFOOT HERE.
scully i just publicly declared you my favorite, you can’t make me take that back…
(author's note: i should have never doubted her <3)
ohhhh fancy, the intro says “believe the lie”
helicopter over the yukon in canada. some guys say the stuff at camp is unbelievable. that's quite a jump in tone from before.
and now they’re marching up the hill, saying they’re very excited etc etc. it looks to be exhausting work. the score is very suspenseful.
they arrive in a cave and shake hands as the newcomers are introduced. and what is in there but…. a frozen alien???
i was hoping it would be a perfectly preserved mammoth :( but okay… whatever… (sadly kicks dirt around)
back to the meeting room with scully!!! she says there have been recent developments on the assumption that aliens exist… mulder was contacted by a man whose “pursuit of this evidence seemed to coincide with his own”, and she says he was duped!!!! fooled by scientific slight of hand!!!
and she’s here to expose this lie… and to expose his work for what it is….
GIRL, WHAT WENT DOWN???
now a cut to some sort of scully family event!! she’s telling a story about her brother bill. will we finally get to see him!? yes!! here he is!!! like their father, he is also in the navy, and seems to be pretty decorated.
and he says he sent her a birthday card, to which she says “thanks for remembering this year” LMAOOO get him again for me!!
(why does no one remember her birthday!!! i will cry!!!)
the priest arrives… and scully’s face falls…. why is she sad to see him? and why did he get invited??? i’m stressed.
father mccue is talking to her about drifting from the church and feeling awkward, but her mom asked him to come tonight. he says turning back to faith is essential in times like this. she says she hasn’t felt a need to draw on faith for strength, that she has some. and she won’t coming running back now.
huh, i wonder if she thinks that “running back” to the church will be admitting defeat. she says she’d be lying to herself and to him if she did that.
maybe she has only lightly been dabbling in god-related affairs since revelations, but not enough to want to return to mass.
but a phone rings… it’s mulder!!!
he says he’s sorry to interrupt her dinner, (so at least there’s some self awareness there) but someone named arlinsky at the smithsonian contacted him about a mountain in canada.
he says she needs to meet him RIGHT AWAY. BRO???????? she looks SO sad when he said that.
she would do ANYTHING for him. and tbh i see why she wants to expose him now. fuck that.
she’s assuring him that it’s okay, and he’s trying to apologize, but i’m still mad at him, and scully should be too. and who the hell is this arlinsky guy? apparently he was involved in a ufo photo faking?? but he claims he’s innocent?? THAT is what disrupted her dinner??
he says he won’t tell her what she’s about to see….
he has pictures of an alien frozen in the mountain and she looks deeply unimpressed. girl me too!
apparently the alien has been in the ice for 200 years. and babcock (arlinsky's colleague) was part of the team that found it.
arlinsky says it’s a very remote location for it to be a hoax, to which mulder once again displays some self awareness with his “well if you’re gonna go, why not go all the way?” but again, not enough to prevent himself from getting in this situation in the first place
arlinsky pulls out the ice core samples from each side of the body, and says he sincerely believes they have a full corpse of an alien.
but family dinner. i care about that more.
mulder says no one will believe him, and the same people that hid the truth will be asked to authenticate it, so there will be no confirmation either. which is why arlinsky wants him to go and get the body, because he knows it means everything to mulder
ohhhh scully says she has no opinion… “this is your holy grail, mulder, not mine” <- i am glad she is admitting she has no horse in this race
OHHH “proving the existence of alien life is not my last dying wish” <-yeah remind him that you’re literally dying and you can’t waste time because he SEEMS TO HAVE FORGOTTEN!!!!
“this is not some selfish pet project of mine, scully” <- well if it’s for the sake of your sister, but you’re hurting the people around you for it, that is still selfish actually
woah woah woah i had to write this next part out...
“you already believe, mulder, what difference will it make? i mean, what will proof change for you?”
“if someone could prove to you the existence of god, would it change you?”
“only if it has been disproven”
“then you accept the possibility that belief in god is a lie?” (where are you going with this…? this is a sensitive subject for her!)
“i don’t think about it, actually. and i don’t think it can be proven”
“but what if it could be? wouldn’t that knowledge be worth seeking? or is it easier to go on believing the lie?”
this exchange made me feel frustrated. i wish he would be less ahab-like all of the time. yes, it is a huge deal that someone found an alien. but i see no reason why he couldn't have gone to that meeting by himself. and bringing god into this when he knows that's something very personal to her is a low blow. i get the point he was trying to make about believing the lie and all that, but c'mon man.
mulder honey, i get that this is a big deal to you, but time and place.
she tells him that she cannot go with him, but then he says, well can you just look at the ice core samples please. and she nods her head reluctantly.
cut back to the big meeting room with scully and other very important people
“what i couldn’t tell agent mulder, what i had only just learned myself, was that the cancer which had been diagnosed in me several months earlier had metastasized. and the doctors told me, short of a miracle, it would continue to aggressively invade my body, advancing faster each day towards the inevitable” <- OH MY GOD??? oh my god.
but why wouldn't she tell him... did she think that telling him then would interrupt his alien quest?? and she didn't want to do that because she knows how important it is to him? or did she not want him to worry?
because i would have told him!!! i would have said it right then and there!! but she is very different from me...
the fact that she is aware that she has so little time left and STILL left her dinner to go deal with his nonsense… scully, i fear you give too much and need to do things for yourself, please please
back on the mountain, they’re cutting the ice with a chainsaw. feels a bit unscientific, but i mean i guess that’s how you get that stuff done.
one guy is loading a pistol??? saying he doesn’t know the men well. that’s suspicious. i don’t care for it.
there’s something in the ice. maybe a bubble. or a casting hole!! of liquid poured!! could this be a fake?? but the angle wouldn’t make sense, says one guy. hmm... i'm not sure what to think.
did they put a fake alien all the way up here…? and why is gun guy looking around all shady like…?
back to the core samples in DC. the scientist says he found some hybrid cells in there, not plants nor animals, but chimera, and he wants to get them under a microscope. hmm… can we clone da alien :3
someone walks into the cave in the yukon with a shotgun!!! and kills all of the men!!!!! what the hell!!! is this a real alien then?????
this happens just as others begin the hike up the mountain, including the smithsonian guy arlinsky. and mulder!! i didn’t even recognize him under all those baggy coats and sunglasses. wow. i feel like a fake fan.
someone was supposed to meet them and guide them up the mountain, but there’s no one there, and all the supplies are frozen over. so they begin the hike on their own, following the tracks from the others.
oh! the find someone keeled over in the snow, to which mulder remarks “funny place to take a nap”. again with the inappropriate jokes as a coping mechanism. it’s the guide that was supposed to meet them!! and he was shot and killed!!!
well, the alien is starting to look more authentic as the bodies pile up.
back at the lab, scully is looking for the scientist, but she doesn’t find him. what she does find is a guy stealing the core sample???
he shoves her down the stairs?????? what the HELL!!!!
see, i thought the alien was a lie at first, but now it’s starting to appear compelling.
mulder and smithsonian guy arlinsky have arrived at the cave, and he pulls out his gun. they find all of the bodies from the crew, and no alien!!! it has been carved out!!!
mulder hypothesizes that perhaps someone was listening to their radio comms and came to hide their alien knowledge, but they hear some groans. and babcock is still alive!!
he says that the alien body wasn’t taken, but that he buried it!! and sure enough, they find it beneath their feet. mulder looks at it with amazement. big moment for a guy like him.
but scully!!! her face is bruised and her pristine lab coat is covered in blood! bill comes in with a change of clothes. and he didn’t tell their mom what happened.
“i was knocked down a flight of stairs… but i’m okay, luckily”
“you’re not okay, dana” <- OHHHH BILL. please tread carefully.
he says he knows about her cancer and she says mom wasn’t supposed to tell him!!!
she says she doesn’t want sympathy, and he accuses her of thinking she can cure herself. which feels like a terribly low blow.
OHHHH MY GOD. wait hold on. hold on.
“what are you doing at work getting knocked down and beaten up? what are you trying to prove? that you’re gonna go out fighting?”
“oh now, come on, bill”
“do you know what mom is going through? why do you think i didn’t tell her when they called?”
“what should i be doing?” (said with great frustration)
“we have a responsibility, not just to ourselves, but to the people in our lives”
“hey, look, just-just because i haven’t bared my soul to you or to father mccue or to god, it doesn’t mean that i’m not responsible to what’s important to me” (this was very defensive and exasperated in tone)
“to what? to who? this guy mulder? well, where is he, dana? where is he through all this?”
well…. i want to defend mulder, to say he doesn’t know, but just because he doesn’t know that her cancer is getting worse doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have been more sensitive. he actually has been very conscientious, which makes this whole alien thing all the more sudden and infuriating!!!
she is stunned into silence as bill looks at her with fury. and she doesn’t say anything more to him beyond “thank you for coming” <-god, what was she supposed to even say?? i get trying to shake her back to reality, but who did that cruelty help??
bill, i get what you were trying to do, but you pissed me off in the way that you did it. do you always show the people you care for that you love them by screaming at them? because if so. not a very effective tactic.
mulder is unboxing the alien, which is now in DC, and he’s trying to thaw it with the smithsonian guy arlinsky and babcock! who is doing better! despite taking a shotgun bullet.
babcock asks if it were a hoax, why would there be 6 men dead over it, which is a good question.
ewwww, the alien looks so gross….
with the help of another FBI agent, she finds the guy who hurt her!!!! and he’s working for the government!!!! in the pentagon‘s research facility!!! his name is kritschgau. they should not hire people in the government who assault women in stairwells.
mulder and crew are getting x rays and scans of the alien. mulder is wearing a sweater, but i’m still mad at him so i will NOT make note of how cute it is.
the alien body is gross as hell. they’re filming an autopsy. ohhh he’s cutting the eye membrane off. EWWWW. EWWW.
now the ribs…… ewww ewww ewwww EWW IT CRUNCHES. NASTY. he takes the ribs out and starts looking at the heart and lungs and some other white stuff in the chest. gag.
meanwhile, scully’s casing the joint looking for the dude kritschgau who assaulted her, and she finds him, tracks him down, and nearly hits him with her car!!! she has her gun and is going after him!!!! he is under arrest!!!
she is NOT messing around. we see a level of scully fury here that is incredibly potent and shown to us infrequently. i enjoy it, but it also makes me sad, because it shows how much stress she is under.
it appears he has slipped away, but she catches him!!!!! yes ma'am!!!!
kritschgau says that if he gets arrested, they’ll kill him. “they” being the same people that gave her cancer!!! how tf does he know about that???”
meanwhile, the alien organs are being weighed.
then cutscene back to the big meeting with scully!!! she’s telling them about how they smuggled the corpse back, saying mulder was ready to believe it was an alien.
but kritschgau convinced her it was otherwise, and not a true alien… he explained how mulder and her had been deceived and used, and that it was part of their plan that led to missy’s death and her illness.
god, how she must have felt hearing that… that everything that had happened to her was a waste, that the only point in her suffering was to advance corruption... it must have been devastating
as mulder leaves the warehouse where the autopsy was occurring, it seems he’s being watched by a guy with a shotgun??? is the shotgun guy going from before after the alien people????
it IS shotgun guy from before!!!! he knows babcock?? and he kills smithsonian guy arlinsky!!!
now who tf is this babcock fellow?!?!?!?!?!?
kritschgau is now sitting in mulder's apartment, explaining the "everything is a lie" story to him. mulder asks why he'd do this now- a fair question- and kritschgau says he came to him because his son is very sick after serving in the gulf war. i suppose if in this universe that is also something that has been covered up by the government, it could spark some disillusionment in the whole process once it impacts him personally.
he says "they" invented mulder, the regression hypnosis, the story of his sister and what they told his dad, and that the alien body was made carefully in a lab. and it would never be carbon dated, it was only for him to see so he would go public with the news and discredit himself.
mulder declares kritschgau to be a liar, but he says the body is already long gone, so he leaves to check. and sure enough, when he goes back to the warehouse, it isn’t there, but arlinsky is dead, as is shotgun guy!!!
again, WHO TF IS BABCOCK??!?!?
the cellular materials were an exact match to what kritschgau described.
and this brings us to scully and mulder really fighting, really really fighting
“after all i’ve seen and experienced, i refuse to believe it’s not true” “because it’s easier to believe the lie, isn’t it?” <- ohh callback to earlier....
and she reveals that he said she was given this sickness to make him believe… oh my god, if that’s true, and her life is just a prop in their sick game…
he storms out.
back to the video from the 70’s we began with.
mulder is watching it and crying. oh no… the beginning is clicking into place for me…… oh no, i see what is coming….
back to the meeting room. she says she went to his apartment that morning to identify a body, and that mulder died of a self-inflicted gunshot
WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?????????????????
thus concludes the episode
she’s crying, she’s crying, all i can think about is her crying, what the hell, what the hell….
so he killed himself because he realized he was being used as a pawn and it was his fault scully was dying…
normally i would have more to say. but i’m not gonna lie to you, i don’t. this is just so fucking sad. i don’t even have the words. never in a million years did i see this happening. what the hell???? what the hell?
do i believe this kritschgau guy??? i think he’s probably telling 30% of the truth. but not the whole thing. why would all those men die for a fake alien? i think he’s being deployed as a cover story as mulder gets too close. and i think some of this is engineered, but not as much as he claims.
and i'm willing to bet that "believing the lie" actually refers to scully believing his cover story!!!
man. i’m sorry but i’m just so sad. i have been so sad this whole season!!!!
mulder…… it was rude of you to interrupt her dinner…… but this was not the answer…
how is sneaky mulder going to get out of the situation THIS time??? and how is scully going to get out of the hole she's dug by reporting all of their work as fraud?? is bill going to be happy now?? lowkey fuck bill, btw.
wow... this is just painful. and i don't even have to wait months to find out what happens next. had i seen this when it aired live i probably would have entered a state of mourning.
so that's the end, huh? of the season, i mean. just sucker punch after sucker punch. i hope this isn't the tone of everything else moving forward. can i get uhhhh one order of whimsy please. with a side of mutual pining. and a small hurt/comfort, emphasis on the comfort. thank you.
after waiting 24 hours from watching the episode initially, i am still torn between how to proceed next. part of me wants to compile all of my favorite moments from the season like always, but the other part of me wants to begin the next episode right away, just so i can move on from such horrible mental imagery as mulder dead from a self-inflicted gunshot. what a terrible thing i wouldn't even have expected from fanfiction!
but, i can also see that the next episode is a two parter, and to be left on ANOTHER cliffhanger would be horrible- but probably LESS horrible than being left with the sadness of dead mulder, right? i don't know what to do! i am filled with indecision!!!!
:(
at least i can take away some fascinating analysis regarding scully's relationship to catholicism, and her idea that depending on any force outside of herself- be it family, friends, or god- is a sign of weakness. i mean, that is pretty telling about her character. and the fact that she believes this so strongly she tried to hide her cancer getting worse from her brother and succeeded in hiding it from mulder!!! to even voice the truth would make it real. maybe that's why she can't tell them, can't go to mass- because it would mean that the end is really near if she did so. i think it's about both the perceived ideas of weakness ingrained in her by her hardass parents and a refusal to let the situation she has found herself in be registered as real in her own mind. she knows it is. but maybe if she pushes it to the side, she can forget for a while.
wow. that sure is something to think over, and think it over i shall.
#chris carter owes me money for this nonsense. drop the venmo now.#scully :(#and btw shoutout to the people who gave me TWs#my policy is that i don't add content warnings to the writeup unless i go into detailed analysis far beyond what the episode shows#i operate under the assumption that if you read this blog you've seen the episodes before and therefore know what happens#and also this was set in the 90's. i would have to endlessly TW stuff because they did not give a damn about sensitivity.#i will say that this is the one subject that really pushes my limits so to those of you who warned me: i appreciate it <3#so: my next post will be the s4 highlights- just not sure when it'll come at you#and in the meantime i will keep daydreaming of the MSR halloween hangout that i bat around in my head like a cat a toy mouse#pumpkins. candy. scary movie. the couch. yeah. you see the vision?#crossing my fingers the new episode of agatha all along is happy so i can have a palate cleanser tomorrow LMAO#save me lesbian witches. save me from such angst. or at least give me angst but with laughter sprinkled in to make it doable!#juni's x files liveblog#4x24#the x files#txf
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💫STARCHILD💫
Slight design update ive been putting off for Ozzy Kozmic so that he represents current me a bit better. Would love to hear what you guys think of this update and if you prefer this design or the original
#self ship community#self insert#self insert art#s/i:💛spaceship superstar⭐#my art#i was debating on giving him my blonde hair highlights but that would have been overkill then my design wouldnt look possible for the show#at least on a main character design i just feel the design its at is like. as much detail as im allowed to give him tbh GHFDJS#hes always had space themeing but i hadnt stuck w him being represented by stars until later#then i thought of this little design to replace the saturn and i liked this a lot better 👍#also in general longer hair because i like my longer hair#and when i first designed book 4 ozzy i was still just starting to grow out my hair#and the tattered shirt is also for my current metal style#anyways i might end up going back to the og book 4 ozzy if i feel this isnt working for me#i want to try to draw this new version w some expression examples to get a real feel for it along w interacting w m & r
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career fair today watch everybody awkwardly smile at me when i tell them what i study and then nab a bunch of free stuff from their tables
#they never know what tk say to the libray-music two hit combo#cause career fairs are always stuffed with like. middle schools. police agencies. military. accounting firms. and contractors/construction#and except for the middle schools going 'oh so you can teach music class :)' (as if all music degrees are music ed)#they look at me like ive grown a second head when they find out what i study#go girl give us nothing!#the stem business brain can't comprehend the awesome potential of the niche humanities major (joke)#sasha speaks#im not expecting much out of this one i have internships already planned to apply for. it's a bit perfunctory for me#but you never know. at least i can give my resume to a few people and grab some free highlighters and snacks
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I'll try to spice a little the next time i open comms! Which one do you prefer? A, B or both?
There won't be any difference in the prices btw, i just thought it would be a fun idea lol
#rui draw smth#rui thinks loudly#i was doing that drawing for my meet the artist but i got a little distracted asdkjfhjsa#im also thinking about opening slotsfor chibis! at least my stupid looking version of a chibi lmao#btw more layers ≠ more difficult#if anyone was worried about making me work more JKHDAGSF#while in A i choose the colors for highlights and such mostly by eye. in B i rather use the layer effects to play around and give a more so#soft* look jkadhgfas
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I am currently watching through The Lord of the Rings again (as you do).
I love these movies. I will show them to my children (or nieces/nephews) and grand children and great grand children. There are quotes from these films that see me through dark days.
(Reason I can accept the flawed Hobbit films is that they too have quotes that stick around)
That said, as I watch with my parents and thier even older friend, I am listening to them react to Boromir the same way I did the first time I watched it. Knowing what I do now about the back ground of canonical Boromir, it hurts a little bit.
If you are a fan who has read the books, or even is involved with the online fandom- you know. Boromir is a good man- the best of men. He is supposed to be a shining example of the best of us, and his fall to the Ring is meant to show that it could happen to ANYONE. It is meant to be a message to us all that you are not your worst moment, or your worst fault.
And yet because of all the foreshadowing and arguing over choices to make during the quest, we the audience of the movie see him as someone just one step away from betraying everyone. His attempt to take the Ring is not a surprise, or even a tragedy, but a confirmation. The surprise is his redemption in death.
I think there is a version of “The Fellowship of the Rings” that I would have liked to see.
Indulge me:
Part of the problem is that Aragorn is falling into the spot Boromir could be filling. He’s just too epic to allow any other man next to him to look impressive. 🤴🏼
This not only does a disservice to Boromir, but to Aragorn himself, who could be having a much richer personal growth.
So, imagine this.
Strider leans more into his “Ranger in the Corner” persona. He is quiet, terse, filthy, mysterious, and comes across more like your traditional rogue than anything approaching Kingly.
Legolas is the only one to call him Aragorn, he does it exactly once when defending him to Boromir, and never again. Legolas himself is a little different- a few more sarcastic quips, more friendly and forward, the sunshine to Strider’s gloom. When they get to Lothlorian, the elves there acknowledge “Strider the Ranger” as someone known to them, but Legolas of the Woodland Realm does the negotiating. The vibe is “ah, yes… that human Elrond adopted. I suppose we should bid him welcome…” 🫤 (Obvious exception of Galadriel. She knows all. It just makes her seem more out there).
There are a couple less references to his lineage, and every time they do, the feeling from the audience should be- “Really? THAT guy?”
Arwen is clearly in a rebellious stage and looking for a bad boy. Him telling her to go very much has that angsty teen feel of “you could do better” and “I am poison to you.”
Elrond is clearly trying to get through to him, but do we think it is going to take? He remains quiet and moody. Was he the first to volunteer to go? Yes. But it was less a declaration and more of an ernest whisper meant for Frodo. Legolas’s immediate follow up is less “I am inspired” and more “My pet introvert will not survive without me, but I am so proud of you for asserting yourself.” ���
Meanwhile- we have Boromir. Now, I love me some Sean Bean, but I need him at his most joyful. Most jovial. Give him a big old beard. Pad him out with thicker armor to give him a broader chest.
Boromir is supportive. Boromir is playful. Boromir is everyone’s big bro, ESPECIALLY the younger hobbits. I basically want every scene he has with Merry and Pippin expanded to everyone.
I want the sword drop to feel less like a stranger being disrespectful, and more like a himbo being clumsy.
I want him to talk about the path to Mordor of all the concern of the older sibling who has seen and been, and his dismissal of Aragorn to feel justified. “Yeah… sure, put that guy on the throne. Uh huh. I think we dodged an arrow there.” And I want the end of it to be a bit of a laugh and a clap on the back, and “no offense meant, Strider Ol’ chap, but you don’t seem the type!”
I want every disagreement with Gandalf or Gimli about which way to take to feel like him advocating for everyone’s safety.
I want him to slide into the role that Aragorn currently has, protecting everyone, especially Frodo, and to have Strider fall back into a quieter rear guard position, only to really speak up to sharply tell someone “don’t disturb the water” “Hide!” “get them up.”
Strider will speak on historical landmarks or lands we are entering, which always makes Legolas smile in support. “See, he knows cool things. I am telling you, you wanna be friends with my guy.”
Instead of Strider or Gandalf sending Gimli or Legolas chastising looks, we see Boromir, the peace keeper, laughing at both of them. “Come now master dwarf, the Elf will love trees as much as you love Rock, it is to be expected! I myself would be weary of being out in the open so often, and also loathe to spend as much time under ground as your kin, yet I have been known to be grateful for either tree or rock in a rough spot or two (chuckle) As I’m sure you would find the open forest or the dwellings of men far too open for your liking, but would not begrudge shelter in either when when the rain sets in. To each their own way, as my brother would say! You would like him (directed at Legolas) he speaks your poetry much better than I in any rate! (Aside to Gimli) I am more for the drinking songs myself. Speaking of, have you heard the hobbits tell you about their little place? Master Pippin- tell us, how do Hobbits live?” He just keeps cutting off rudeness with rambles about something his brother said or how the hobbits or men are like both of them, and really, do these fights between dwarves and elves matter when they have Sauron to face? Come! We are brothers in arms! There are moments they bask in it, and moments they are bonded by the annoyance of it. Either way he wins.
(In Lothlorien, they are bonded in grief, in appreciation of Galadriel, and in the strangeness of Boromir being too caught up in his own musings to try to fix them)
I want Galadriel’s speech to both Strider and Boromir to feel like a deepening of characters we are already starting to like, not confirmation of things we suspect. I want her to tell Frodo- “You know of who I speak” and have the audience to go “What?! WHO??? Who is this crazy woman talking about? Oh, she has those seer powers- what does she know?!”
I want every reference to Boromir starting to fall to the Ring to be less obvious foreshadowing, and more a sympathetic look behind the jovial curtain.
“What ails you Boromir?” “Oh- never mind me. My mind has gone back to my brother. I was meant to lead the armies you know.” Strained smile. “Now it falls on him. It is a heavy burden, but he is equal to the task. Probably better at it than me!” Laugh. “It will be well. When I see him again I will have to congratulate him on defending our people so well. And he will chastise me for being away so long to leave him to pick up the slack!”
Far away look. Any of the company gives him a questioning look. “We are not far from the borders of Gondor- she is just over that mountain.” Strained smile. “Forgive me, I have not before been so long from home. I did not realize I would yearn for it so. Perhaps that is why I keep trying to turn us that way- feet always point home, do they not?” (This would be poinant with Sam, Legolas, Gimli, or Strider)
At any of these moments, he glances at the ring. A glance. That is it.
If there are obvious moments of temptation, I want one for every single member of the Fellowship (the movie is long enough, there is room). Gimli admires its make, for all that it is wrought with evil. Dwarves know a thing or two about jewelry, you know. Very good craftsmen. Legolas speaks of the rings of the elves, How they never passed to his line- he isn’t surprised. Surprising bitter moment of saying his Father is one of the weakest of Elves. Gandalf interrupts his musing by talking about his ring. (Could be a moment of bonding with Gimli too) Strider tells Frodo he should preserve his strength- can he not put the Ring in a pocket or pass it to another hobbit? (He does not ask to take it, but music implies the question). Merry and Pippin keep talking about “I know it’s evil, but you have to admit, it has a nice shine to it, doesn’t it?” It is playful and flippant, but there none the less. Boromir might ONCE mention it’s use as a weapon, speaking of what Sauron was able to do with it “They say it was the Ring that allowed him to grow in size and strength- he could kill 8 warriors with one blow!” Only to back track when Strider or Gandalf give him a chastising look. “Forgive me,” he says with a laugh, “I am at heart a warrior, and see everything as a possible tactical advantage. Of course it would only do damage should anyone try to use it.” Gandalf turns away, mollified, Boromir whispers conspiratorially to Merry and Pippin “But imagine! Eight feet tall!” (Chuckles all around- foreshadowing to the two growing to be the tallest hobbits) The whole thing should be told around the fire at night like a good story- again, even in his weakness, we see him as an excellent big bro figure.
The point is, I want to get to Galadriel saying someone will take the Ring and the audience is suspicious of EVERYONE.
Then we arrive at the moment. We all have our suspicions. Strider has gone off to find Frodo. There are implications of everyone being out looking. We saw exactly one glance of Boromir’s shield. Out of everyone? The money is on the creepy mysterious Ranger who might have a heart under there but only seems to snap at people.
Then Boromir tries to take the Ring.
From this point on, EVERYTHING Is EXACTLY the AS THE ORIGINAL.
The context is wildly different.
The shock of Boromir taking the Ring has the gasp effect of Hans’ betrayal in Frozen.
Strider turning down the Ring has us all feeling guilty and weepy, because he’s just quiet and concerned damn it! He has always meant well!
Boromir suddenly realizing what he has done has us sobbing “He didn’t mean it! He didn’t mean it! It was the Ring!” And then he immediately turns to defend Merry and Pippin. There are no dry eyes.
We have seen Strider fight- he has precision and skill. But this fight suddenly feels like he is proving something. Like he is standing up for this man who cannot. That is Boromir, Prince of Gondor you struck down, and he is NOT undefended! Something has shifted. Strider is rising, and it shows in this fight against the leader of the Uruki.
Boromir’s final words to Strider, he calls him Aragorn. He calls him brother. He calls him king. It feels less like a shift in view to culminate a redemption, and more like placing a mantle, more like giving final support. Boromir would have been next to lead the people of Gondor- he is giving it to his friend. Vibes of : “You tried to hide, but I saw you. The elf was right. You will be a great King.” Even at the end, he is the Big Brother we all want.
The last moments of the movie when Legolas sees the hobbits across the river is a shift. “Aragorn!” He calls “they have reached the other side…. You mean not to follow them.” We suddenly realize that Legolas was never leading his quiet anxious introvert around, he was always (more subtly) following his lead. Aragorn (as he is called for the rest of the films) is standing tall, and assertive, and making a decision for the group. And they follow.
People rewatch the Fellowship 3 times its first week in theaters, just to catch the moments that warn us that Boromir will fall, and the moments that hint that Aragorn might rise. There are cries of “No spoilers! Let your friends and family find out for themselves!” People break scenes apart to analyze this dynamic for years to come.
Going forward:
Because of this shift in context in Fellowship, the rest of the Trilogy feels more like watching Aragorn come out of his shell and taking on bigger and bigger rolls.
Meeting the Rohiren is suddenly the first time Aragorn speaks for the group. He does so because these are men, and because his friends are being idiots. 😂
The rebuff of Eowyn’s affections feels like more of the same from his relationship with Arwen- he does not feel he deserves it, even now. She is a leader of her people, and he is not yet sure he can say the same. By the time he can, it is clear Arwen’s heart is with him and his with her. It also feels as if he is leaving Eowyn room to pursue her own destiny, to be a leader in her own right. Arwen is supportive, where Eowyn takes charge- perfect for a fully supportive Faramir. 👍
His approach to Theoden feels less like shrinking away, and more like feeling out when he should lead and when he should step back.
Disrespect from any character feels less like a fault of theirs and more like “I mean, I get it, he’s a bit grimy, but he knows what he’s talking about! You don’t know him! He could be a king!” Theoden’s refusal to listen to him feels more like a tragedy, because how else could it have gone?
The entire Two Towers plot becomes a discussion of leadership. Gandalf swoops in and out, and expects people to listen to him. Eomer is direct and aggressive, but only leads warriors, not a kingdom. Theoden has many under his protection, he must weigh risks and lean on older wisdoms. And then there is Aragorn, still figuring himself out, helping Eowyn to do the same. (With every step he takes, we wonder how Boromir would have fit into this discussion- would Eomer have recognized him? Would Theoden have listened more or less to the leader of Gondor’s armies? Would Boromir have stepped back as often? Would he have insisted, in his still jovial way, and would it have caused conflict? Would he inspire men in the same way? Would it have worked as well? We have no idea how he would have handled Eowyn, besides stepping in as a brother since her’s is out fighting. Suddenly this thought of Boromir is on Aragorn’s face with every decision) What Aragorn figures out is that he himself is honest, ernest, and relies on the support and help of others. The conclusion of The Two Towers is the understanding that Aragorn does not need to be a King to be a Leader. That has always been in him. Has he not lead his group this far? Does he not make friends everywhere he goes? Does he not inspire men and elves alike? (Gimli is but one dwarf, and we do not get further examples 😂) He is not Boromir, or Eomer, or Gandalf, or Theoden, but still, he leads.
The Return of the King is an obvious end to his journey, but it feels more fulfilling, since we have seen Aragorn come farther. The moment he claims his birthright with the ghosts under the mountain is a moment that elicits cheers. His speech at the Black Gate brings tears, not just because of his words, but because of how far he has come.
When he is crowned, his reunion with and acceptance of Arwen’s love means more. His moment of humility in front of the Hobbits make us all see how he HAD to be a Ranger to be the Great King he has become. Pride swells.
And we give credit to Aragorn’s growth to the leadership of Boromir in the first film.
We are also struck to the heart when Faramir announces himself as Boromir’s brother. THIS is the brother he spoke so highly of? Did Boromir that bias towards his own flesh and blood, to think THIS man, who captures hobbits and tortures Smeagle, is someone to be proud of? But by the end of Two Towers we are proud too.
At the end of Two Towers, Faramir has seen Frodo nearly fall to the Ring. Did he believe them when they said it drove Boromir mad? Of course not. We didn’t believe it. And we only had one movie with the guy. No one who knew him would buy that. But then there is Frodo, with a sword to Sam’s throat- “Don’t you recognize your Sam?” And there is a horrified recognition on Faramir’s face. Is it what he knows his Father may someday do with or without the Ring? Is it the recognition of how, even in the best of him, his brother could be like his Father? Is it a vision of himself in that position, his brother over him, because he came back with the Ring as their father asked? And does he admire Samwise that much more, because he handled the aftermath of that so much better than Faramir would in his place? (“Something worth fighting for” indeed- Boromir gave the speeches, not him. He must have LOVED this sunshiny little gardener)
When Sam tells him he is of the finest quality- it means more. They are passing on a message after all.
There may be another line from Frodo- “He spoke of you. He knew you would be a good commander. He was anxious to be home and congratulate you. I am sorry it is me here instead of him. He would be so proud.”
Maybe it is Pippin who mentions it. Maybe we get a flashback to another scene between the two of them. “You remind me of my brother- curious, adventurous, but educated, mannered. Much better mannered than I, as it has often been said!” Loud laughter. “The two of you would make for good friends, should you ever meet.”
“Don’t worry for him too much Merry. I have known one as curious as he. He just wanted to understand the world, as does your cousin. It has served him well- he out grew the recklessness of it, and there is no one I trust more.” “Your brother?” Laugh “How did you guess?”
I want us to love Faramir not only because he is good, but because Boromir loved him, and he loved Boromir. I want us to think of Boromir and what he would say to his brother every time he is on screen. I want us to see the love of Boromir direct all his actions.
The parallels of Eowyn and Faramir hint at thier future relationship more clearly in this version, because the connection between Boromir and Aragorn as different leaders of Gondor continues to shine through. Boromir’s brother could not defy his father’s wishes because he loved him and almost died for it. Aragorn’s student (she feels like a sister when he puts her to the side) does defy her father figure, again because she loves him, and is victorious in battle. Both thier fathers die in the battle. When we spot them together in the houses of healing it is not as much of a surprise. It feels right. They have much in common. Also… as Eowyn is seen to grown into a leader as Aragorn does, she also gets her supportive soft romantic partner.
I want Big Bro Boromir to be there in all but flesh throughout the entire thing. I want Boromir’s bracers on Aragorn’s arms to not only be the first thing we notice in Two Towers, but something to feel so right as to be obvious. I want “Then I shall die as one of them!” to feel like a chastisement to Legolas- “Boromir was human too, and he would want us here.” I want “Gondor will answer” to feel like a certainty, because Boromir would. I want Pippin’s rescue of Faramir to feel like a keeping of a promise to love Boromir’s brother as much as a rescue of a new friend. I want us to see the bracer on Aragorn’s arm as much as the sword in his hand when he says “I am Isildur’s Heir.” I want Theoden’s ride to Gondor to tie back not just to Aragorn, but further back to Boromir- a promise has been kept, and inspiration has come to bloom. I want us to see the white tree flags on the battle field of Mordor and feel like Boromir walked in after all. I want us to cry that Boromir is not there to greet Frodo as he wakes, as much as we cry for everyone else’s happy ending.
It’s just an image I had tonight. A beautiful image. Big Bro Jovial Boromir. Laughing down warmly at everyone from heaven. Making us proud to be of the race of men before Aragorn could.
Like I said- I love these movies. But ah, what could have been.
#character analysis#storytelling#lotr#lotr au#or at least another version of the movie#more could have been done in the first movie to make us love him#instead of adding in flash backs in the Two Towers to try to justify him#lotr fanfic#lotr fandom#like- am I crazy?#would it make Aragorn less magnificent if it took him longer to get there?#character growth#I just wanted a little more character growth#like it’s there#but not highlighted#also this would give Legolas more of a personality if he was part of a duo to start#then they let Gimli in because Aragorn needs more support than just the elf 😂#Legolas’s personality is mostly reactionary- he needs other energy to react to 😂#FotR Aragorn doesn’t give him enough#angsty Aragorn demands a protective buddy to do more talking for him 😂#Loud Jovial Boromir elicits smiles and flinches at the sheer noise in different moments#also maybe give me more parallels in costuming for Eowyn and Aragorn#we think they end up together- no they are too similar#only she is fighting to be allowed to lead while he ran#are you seeing my vision#so much could have been done here if Aragorn was a little less competent to start 😂#if Boromir was allowed to be more
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i think i mentioned this a while back but im working on an "every kuwameshi" video right (yes it's ridiculous i know somebody take them away from me) and i just need to say im so fucking sick of editing the saint beasts arc </3 pls i love that one normally but this section of the video is like. 70% silent group shots it's so bad and not fun to watch or edit and i hate it :[
#the rules are: (roughly) every frame they're on screen together and as much of their voices referring to/addressed to each other as possible#(this becomes very complicated during group conversations if you can believe it). so anyway it's TOO MUCH#im also making a much shorter highlights video concurrently bc like. that's a good idea#so you have light dose kuwameshi and EXTREME CLINICAL GRADE kuwameshi for the sickest of us#despite my complaining im almost done w great beasts. yusuke's about to fight suzaku so there's not a lotta kuwa there#truthfully im not too excited about editing the yukina rescue arc either but whatever. at least the highlights video is fun#anyway idc if it's unwatchable idc if everyone including me thinks it sucks the every kuwameshi video is gonna have every kuwameshi i can#possibly put in there from the dub's 112 episodes and im not giving up. im in too deep ok im committed#it's already like 70 mins long... houghh#i kept thinking in their voices last night it's getting genuinely ridiculous. sheesh#but i'll do it. for the bit and my pride if nothing else#also i haven't figured out if i wanna do movies/ova/eizou yet :p we'll see how i feel when i finish this in like 7 months. if it gets done#anyway this is the most insane thing i've ever done probably and if i were my tumblr mutual and i saw this i might be concerned
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when I was in high school there was a tendency whenever there was an attractive boy to simply fan over him. in a way that talked over everything he might say for himself and created a narrative that completely ignored, the fact in some cases, that he was really struggling—or if he was struggling, to pin all the blame on the girl he’s dating and completely ignore the thousands of other factors (no it can’t be mental illness or unaccommodated disability or systemic abuse or exploitation and if he is in an abusive relationship we won’t ever consider the factors that put him at risk for that)
and I’m not saying this fandom is like that. I get the need for privacy around some things and how in public conversations sometimes it’s a lot more respectful to stick to the positives (everyone who does that, I admire you) or even the struggles that are talked about publicly, show respect by not reading too far into them. there’s a time and place for that. but sometimes I feel like our only options are shitty and ableist gossip or totally ignoring the systemic and structural issues we know exist in something like the music industry until someone dies and then we’re looking for someone to blame. friends, there is a point where the respectful thing is to listen to what someone says and come together to make things better. and you can learn how to have that conversation respectfully. please do
#forever haunted by ‘I wasn’t always a cynic it’s just I’ve been bought and sold’#and actually this highlights my whole frustration with the conversation around mental health just about anywhere#like you tell people something sucks and they’re completely unwilling to even try to challenge the status quo in order to help#and idk. I tell myself they’re going to be fine. they’re so resilient. I’m doing all I can; I’m not on the ground there I’m at a distance#but at the same time is it not bittersweet sometimes to enjoy music born from trauma? to be at a live show knowing they shouldn’t be?#to me these stories have to be told for the reason that yes so people relate but also so we can do better for the next generation#anyway I’ve gotten deep into inxs lore lately and I can say. yes it is better for 5sos simply for the fact men can talk about emotions#but that didn’t come without a MASSIVE fight don’t you ever forget that. it’s gonna still carry shame. they’re choosing to fight that#but the sad songs we got as a result?? idk they’re the thing that turned me parasocial because there’s rarely absolutely nothing you can do#like if we’re ever gonna give them a gold star for talking about this stuff as early as sgfg til today we gotta ask ourselves to look at#larger systemic issues and stuff that we ARE a part of and while we can’t be there for them when they have a bad day. we can work on#anyway the high school example still haunts me. still drives some of what I do now. we were just kids. but most of us here aren’t anymore#and the newbrokenscene is grown up now and tbh the status quo should be TERRIFIED#so idk. at the very least sign the petition for liams law. advocate for better. address local issues of injustice and addiction etc#which in some ways I’m lucky that I get to do that in sydney so it feels connected but this is just as valuable anywhere#tbh the 2010s era of bubblegum pop and ignoring all our problems is over. you’re punk now. even katy released chained to the rhythm#thinking about the nfp I’m trying to start and how to start small. for disadvantaged kids maybe? intervening via urban design?#(don’t you ever forget 5sos WERE disadvantaged kids not even 20 years ago. that shit sticks to you no matter how much you achieve)#albums and activism#anyway it fascinates me to see how differently people do this kind of thing to each band member. like the vibe is different but still track#for this whole phenomenon like whether they’re seen as pretty or strong or cute or smth else that becomes the main thing not their words#and I say that but tumblr is pretty good overall. I just wish sometimes we could have a more active conversation before any tragedy#so gosh I’m ranting so much but PLEASE talk about this with me. I notice far too much and I can’t say any of it publicly#so occasionally I come out with a rant like this
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Actually is there any cure to feeling like I'm a failure of a person if I don't keep posting fic regularly. Like I know this is not a job or anything. It's just for fun. But with how most people comment only within a day or two of when something is posted, I end up with weeks and weeks of no comments, even when the hits on my works still go up, so it makes me feel rather forgotten.
Like idk. This is probably just feeling worse bc im apparently phenomenally neurotic today. But I wish people commented on older fics more.
#speculation nation#like it's not in my head it's the same thing. everyone experiences it.#theres a spike in new comments for the first day or two. by day 3 id be lucky to get 1 or 2. and beyond that?#well i do get some Sometimes but it's usually the stragglers in reading an update or the rare wonderful person who comments as they read#highlight on the rare. ive only had a handful of these types of people. wonderful when it happens. but it's not the rule.#no after day 4 of posting something new comments drop off into practically nothing. even as hits and kudos still go up.#so it's hard to not feel shitty about it. why do people think it's so bad to interact with older things?#it makes me feel like i Have to keep posting things just to have my writing be recognized.#and logically i know it's not like ppl dont love it anymore. clearly at least a few do.#the people who are supportive on my posts or reach out to me about it. you know.#but overall... idfk. mass majority of readers just dont interact after the first few days. if at all.#and it makes me feel so forgotten. like i have to be a fast fashion poster always and forever to keep ppl's attentions.#i dont want to write under that pressure. im so tired. and im Still grieving.#idk. i just feel so under appreciated. even though i know im one of the lucky ones with how sweet my readers are.#it's just... hard. when the vast majority of my readers dont bother to give back to me. even a little bit.#idk. i should probably stop thinking about it. im just making myself sad.
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"Do you not realize it? Do you... truly not see what this means?"
The next Destiny Bond update is in progress! ❄️✨ –> Check out the latest part here 🔷 –> New to the series? Follow from the start! 💜
#we back for the winter season bois :} ☃️#got some Particularly Fun parts I wanna have done before the end of the year--that I'll hopefully have time to do over the term break !!! 💫#it's actually so? insane? how we're nearing the end of the year already??????????????HUH#just a little over a week and some Ridiculous cramming I'll have to pull off (no thanks to past me sdskjfs) before I'm free for the holiday#I mean I'd--still have freelancing to do of course but without the looming dread of actively avoiding college responsibilities at least /lh#it's even more insane somehow looking back on when I actually started this whole comic that spiraled Wildly out of controlSKDJFNSDFS#to think that this all started from a prompt I had a few days after my birthday--into its own whole story I wanna see through is---#honestly something I'm really proud of. something I'm really happy I got to do for myself since it's-above all a passion project if anythin#I'm a lot slower these days what with juggling my own mental crises here and there on top of work for sure#but I get to come back to working on this whenever I find myself feeling down or with some free time to unwind and it's--really nice 💖💕#and we're still in the beginning I swear to god we're still so early I'm so sorry this is gonna take so longSDHFIUSHDNFKJSDHS#but it bears repeating how thankful I am to everyone who's joined along for this ride- who've been so wonderful and patient thus far#to know that even a handful of people out there tune in to this silly ol thing and are genuinely excited for its sporadic updates--#--has been a definite highlight in what's been a- Ridiculously--almost comically cruel year (in ways I can't begin to express skjdfnsdfs)#and what with this holiday season being all about giving and gratitude---I want to emphasize on how thankful I am for all of y'all 💖💖💖#I'll see what surprises I can sneak in to my schedule these coming weeks- the insanity of these following updates included hehee ✨#Destiny Bond comicverse#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#pokemon#pokemon fancomic#pokemon gsc#pokemon hgss#comic wip
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THEY FUCKING CANCELED TBOYS CLUB LMAOOOOOOOOO
#im gonna fucking. oh my god.#after the TIME ive been having. i had ONE fucking thing i was looking forward to god fucking damn it#pride is literally the one thing that reliably brings me joy i wait for it all year . and i was out of rome during the week with all the#good non corporate inclusive etc events in LONDON with my cousing doing FUCKALL bc she was in a bad mood over arguing with her shitty bf (i#hope jakey dies)#then pride march yesterday was literally so terrible too overcrowded super mismanaged it was my SIXTH rome pride so I know how it usually#goes and it WASNT it . only highlight was hanging out w gio tbh#and the ONE fucking thing i was holding onto. thinking well at least i have this and itll give me that queer joy and communion I literally#hold onto to survive. especially the idea of being in a place where my correct gender is assumed for FUCKING ONCE which NEVER happens not#even in lgbt places. where I could cope with the knowledge i will probably not be able to transition for a couple years at LEAST and if/#when i ever do im in for a terrible hellish situation with my family. and celebrate the now and get hope that maybe its livable maybe i can#keep pulling on this rope until one day im safe and it wont snap in the meantime.#and its fucking GONE. GOD damnit.
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I don't think people realize how limited AI is, at least for now. It's a bit cringy. They keep tagging that explanation bot on twitter as if it's actually going to help😭. Unless you have actual reading comprehension issues and need a fucking 280 characters long tweet rephrased, it won't
#chatgpt is also pretty limited#at least when it comes to providing info#i can't believe people are asking it to make routines and workout plans for them#it's like basing your opinion on a topic based on that one highlighted sentence that pops up after some google sentences#you get me?#which a lot of people do but still#it gives the most#pageant queen answers#it also sucks at doing summaries I'm sorry😭#what I like using him (it's a man. i just know) for:#explaining things I can't be bothered to read articles about through scenarios#ex. asking him to write a dialogue where a therapist helps a [mental illness] patient struggling with [symptom] with [type of therapy]#or asking him to find books about niche topics#that way I don't have to see the same book 47463854 times when googling a topic#I usually tell him to give precedence to female authors because I... kind of feel like he's biased#or exclude a long list of books I already read#I was finally able to find new resources about my regional witchcraft practice thanks to him! hurray#I've also basically sold the souls of all of my loved ones to him by describing them to a T to get birthday gift suggestions
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