#or a topping for some kind of mixed berry crumble

[sunsetzer]

So pro tip, apparently if you follow a cream cheese frosting recipe almost correctly and put too much hot water with gelatin in it and then freeze it, you get gellato

[mishafletcher]

i wrote a book called cooking is terrible, which you can buy on amazon, or at any of the retailers here, or pretty much anywhere you can buy books.

the main post was getting pretty long, and the faq was also pretty long, but people often ask what kinds of recipes are in it, so here are some example recipes!

butter bean salad

Rinse and drain a tin of butter beans. Add crumbled feta and capers. Dress with lemon juice, olive oil, and a little bit of mustard.

Variations: Add quartered marinated artichoke hearts. Add chopped red onion. Add fresh chopped parsley, or fresh or dried thyme. Add sumac to the dressing. (If you do all these things, you have a main course salad that is fancy enough to serve at a party, or to grudgingly take to the work potluck.)

Keeps in the fridge for three to five days.

shitty soup

This soup isn’t actually shitty—it’s actually nice, and I eat it a lot—but we started calling it shitty soup, and the name’s stuck.

Bring enough stock for one person to a boil.

Add about 2 Tbsp of pastina. When the pasta is nearly done (which is only like, two minutes), crack in an egg and turn the pot to a simmer. After about two minutes of simmering, add some sort of veggie—shredded carrots, fresh or frozen spinach, frozen peas—and let it cook for another minute or two. Tada! You’ve made soup.

You can change this up, and don’t have to include all three bits—pasta and a few veggies, or just an egg boiled in stock, is great, and totally a meal. I give all three components mainly so there’s a note about timing. There are a million variations on this—add tomato paste or sesame oil, add other veggies, cook the egg to different degrees of doneness, etc. You can add a little cheese at the end, or a handful of (rinsed) tinned beans, or shreds of previously cooked meat. But at its most basic, broth + something else = soup, which is a meal that you can totally manage to make for yourself in under ten minutes, and then you can smugly tell the internet that you’re sure that what they’re having is nice and all, but you’re having homemade soup. And let’s be honest—most nights, this soup is not good enough to justify that, but who cares. Sometimes you gotta take what you can get.

things you can put on top of cottage cheese or yogurt to make them feel more like an interesting meal

this is just a list of ideas. the things in parentheses are optional extras, though you can use—or not use—whatever you'd like.

Peach or pineapple chunks

Jam

Pumpkin or apple butter

Berries

Cantaloupe/rockmelon

Granola or muesli

Apples, cinnamon, and honey

Literally just honey

Cinnamon sugar

Sunflower seeds + raisins + shredded cheese

Chili powder + black beans + avocado

Chopped tomatoes + garlic (+ spinach) (+ steak seasoning)

Cut-up spinach and chopped green onions (+ tomatoes)

Sundried tomatoes and olives

Chopped cucumber and olives (+ za’atar)

Salsa or hot sauce

Chopped radish, ready cooked beets, or cucumber + dill (+ garlic)

Mix in a bunch of Milo, Nesquick, or other sweetened chocolate powder. (You might want to add a splash of milk.)

Mangos + cardamom (+ honey or other sweetener) (+ pistachios)

Balsamic vinegar (+ strawberries if you wanna get fancy)

Basically any fresh herbs you have + salt

A spoonful of nut butter (+ chocolate)

Dried meat (like pork or mushroom floss, or that weird shredded jerky) + green onion

if you think all this sounds terrible, that's cool—this is not the cookbook for you.

if you're like, 'oh shit, i could make that soup in less than fifteen minutes,' maybe pick up a copy.

[aniseandspearmint]

Went to the store today. Got some basics, and melatonin which i ran out of last month and KEPT FORGETTING TO BUY.

I'm gonna make some semblance of a christmas dinner even with it just being me. 10 freaking dollars for a roast that's basically sized for one person, some good potatoes to mash, and an acorn squash to halve and roast with some brown sugar and spices. It'll be good.

Aldi only had dutch apple pie on offer tho and I've never liked those very much. There's a Kroger right beside the Aldi, so i ducked in over there and, kind of ironically, picked up a mixed fruit crumble. Which, LOOK I know the topping texture is similar to a dutch apple pies, but it's somehow DIFFERENT when it's with berries instead of big apple chunks. *gestures to body* I don't make the rules I just live here.

Got some single glass bottles of soda too while i was there, I hate Kroger, but it's one of the only places around here you can get single bottles soda.

Got a Jones's Chocolate Orange soda to try. It's- interesting? Like, it tastes like eating an orange chewie candy and a tootsie roll at the same time. I don't think I'll get it again but it's not bad!

Also got some cheerwine, for nostalgia's sake. And it was on sale. I haven't had any since I was a kid! (Cheerwine is a non alcoholic cherry flavored soda)

[ryttu3k]

Not a clue how many vegan followers who enjoy cruises I have, but I want to stick the pictures I took of the main dining room vegan options somewhere, and it may as well be here! We ate at the main dining room five of the seven nights. Will include the night, the official description, my image, and a brief thought.

This was for a seven-day Australian domestic cruise on Royal Caribbean's Brilliance of the Seas. The nights we skipped were days 4 (British night, vegan options were garden salad, butternut squash curry that was available in the buffet anyway, and a vegan berry sundae), and days 6 (Royal Night, the other formal night - vegan options were a citrus/avocado/melon salad, stuffed red bell pepper, and a chilled banana-cocoa custard). Our sailing did not include Mexican Night (disappointingly, some interesting stuff on there!) or Mediterranean Night (exact same items as Bon Voyage).

Day 1: Welcome Aboard

Starter: Roasted Tomato Soup. A blend of seasoned vine-ripened Roma tomatoes topped with crunchy garlic ciabatta croutons and basil pesto.

A very tasty small serve of soup.

Main: Herb-Crusted Stuffed Portobello. With vegan creamed spinach and fluffy vegetable couscous, baked until golden in marinara sauce and herb oil.

Whoops, I started on this one before I took a photo. It was very round! The couscous was good.

Dessert: Peanut-Caramel Bar. Crispy peanut butter rice square with a touch of maple syrup over a sweet mixed berry compote.

No compote, actual fresh berries. I do love peanut butter and caramel, although it did feel fairly simple.

Day 2: Italian Night

Starter: Golden Polenta Fries with Spicy Dip. Crispy baked corn polenta served with a chilled creamy hazelnut-red pepper spread.

Delish, the sauce was fantastic. Kind of wanted seconds.

Main: Vegan Spaghetti Bolognese. Al dente pasta in a rich marinara sauce with hearty mushrooms and a tofu crumble.

It was... edible! Bizarrely, the tofu crumble seemed to be silken tofu? I got the impression it'd be more parmesan-like. This one was just okay.

Dessert: Crumbly Oat and Berry Bar. Layers of jam and brown-sugar-crusted oats baked fresh and topped with berries and mint.

Very tasty, although again, it felt a bit basic (and there was no mint at all).

Day 3: French Night (formal)

Starter: Creamy Butternut Squash Soup. Roasted harvest squash blended with coconut milk topped with crisp toasted pumpkin seeds.

Only a small serve, but an excellent pumpkin soup.

Main: Spring Pea and Asparagus Risotto. Creamy short-grained rice in simmering pea and mint sauce with jumbo tender asparagus.

Felt... sparse. These are not jumbo asparagus, RC! The peas were either frozen or freeze-dried? Not great. Pretty disappointing for formal night.

Dessert: Dark Chocolate Chip Cookies. Homestyle favorite served with fresh raspberries.

These, at least, were delish. Raspberry, single, lmao. Odd choice for formal night, though.

Day 5: Caribbean Night

Starter: Green Lentil Soup. Hearty lentils simmered in a San Marzano tomato base with fragrant rosemary. AND Maple-Soy Tofu and Avocado Salad. Chilled marinated tofu tossed with plump grape tomatoes, ripe avocado, and toasted white sesame seeds.

Two, two vegan starters! Got both, for Science. The soup was delish, and the tofu was beautifully done, although avocado lovers would be deeply disappointed by only two little cubes.

Main: Stuffed Grilled Eggplant. Whole wheat couscous with pomegranate seeds and bell peppers layered inside grilled eggplant, with minted cucumber and a spring onion dressing.

No pomegranate to be found, but otherwise extremely tasty.

Dessert: Vegan Fudge Brownie. Rich chocolate brownie with sweet whipped cream and caramel sauce.

The 'cream' felt odd, but the giant scoop of ganache more than made up for it. Delish brownie, very fudgy and much better than the cakey brownies they had up at Windjammer.

Day 7: Bon Voyage

Starter: Pan-Seared Asparagus. Jumbo green asparagus with creamy white bean hummus and a hazelnut-basil pesto drizzle.

Again! These are not jumbo asparagus! Tasted great, especially the hazelnut pesto, and Mum and I both got seconds of it, just... not much to it.

Main: Vegetable Greek Moussaka. Layers of grilled eggplant, Roma tomatoes and tender potatoes and onion, topped with panko breadcrumbs and served with oregano-tomato salsa.

My favourite of the mains, really filling and tasty.

Dessert: Chocolate Cherry Tart. Vanilla tart shell with rich dark chocolate ganache and cherry filling, sweet whipped cream and lemon zest.

No lemon zest, but there was a maraschino cherry! Very tasty, albeit quite hard to eat! (The ganache would slide around on top of the cherry filling.) The whipped cream was a bit overly sweet.

Overall thoughts

Not bad, and there has at least been an attempt! Some items were... weirdly sparse, like the formal night risotto, and the starter serves were sometimes tiny. Also, they do not know the meaning of 'jumbo asparagus', apparently. Some pretty decent desserts, albeit some quite simple. On the plus side, it's not just a scoop of lemon sorbet or some fruit!

Vegans won't go hungry, although you may want a protein shake or bar or something too.

[rabbitcruiser]

National Blueberry Cheesecake Day 

Try making your own blueberry cheesecake, or visit a bakery or restaurant to enjoy this cheesy, sweet, tangy graham cracker-crusted treat.

There isn’t much in life that people love more than the rich, tangy flavor of an indulgent cheesecake. Life can be so much sweeter when everyone has the opportunity to be introduced to blueberry cheesecake!

A crumbly graham cracker or cookie crust with a rich cheesy base is topped with a blueberry syrup and then capped with fresh blueberries. This might just be the only thing that could possibly be better than the New York original!

National Blueberry Cheesecake Day was established to ensure that people everywhere know how incredible this dessert is and are given the permission they need in order to celebrate appropriately.

This holiday is a great chance for anyone and everyone to try it for themselves and pass the message on to friends and family!

History Of National Blueberry Cheesecake Day

The origins of the cheesecake can be traced back as far as Ancient Greece, when the first recipes for this cake were put into writing. In the centuries that followed, the dessert would undergo countless changes until it developed into what we know (and love) it to be today.

As different countries embraced this dish, and differing ingredients were more easily available, regional varieties came to be. Different combinations of cheese would often be used depending on the particular location, but the love of the cheesecake itself was certainly universal!

When it comes to cheesecake, cream cheese is the favored primary ingredient in America, while Italian recipes seem to prefer ricotta as a base. In addition, there is a special kind of curd cheese known as “quark” that is used in cheesecakes throughout Poland and Germany.

As these recipes came to be localized, new innovations were being made by the bakers who developed them. One of these new ideas included the addition of fruit to the cheesecake, and the best of all (of course!) was the enticing and delicious blueberry!

Of course, blueberries are delicious in their own right. Native to North America, blueberries were originally called “star berries” by the Native Americans who inhabited the lands prior to the Europeans. Blueberries are an extremely healthy fruit that is called a “superfood”, due to its high concentration of vitamins and antioxidants. Adding these yummy berries to the top of a cheesecake probably doesn’t make them healthier, but it certainly makes them tasty!

In addition to the standard options, there are a number of variations of blueberry cheesecake–as if the original wasn’t good enough! Some of the interesting variations include chocolate blueberry cheesecakes, blueberry mint cheesecakes and even blueberry cheesecakes made with kombucha!

The inventiveness of the cheesecake lover seems to know no limits, which is certainly a benefit to those who are eating it. National Blueberry Cheesecake Day is the perfect opportunity to explore them all!

How to Celebrate National Blueberry Cheesecake Day

For people who love all things related to cheesecake and blueberries, this is going to be an absolute favorite holiday to celebrate, whether on their own or with family and friends! Eating a piece of traditional blueberry cheesecake is only just the beginning.

Try celebrating National Blueberry Cheesecake Day in one of these ways, or come up with other ideas:

Try Making a Blueberry Cheesecake

While traditional, baked cheesecakes come with their own set of challenges in making them, very many shortcut recipes are now available online–and a variety of them do not even require use of the oven!

For an easy no-bake blueberry cheesecake, mix crushed graham crackers or butter cookies with melted butter and sugar to create a crust. Press into a pie pan or cake pan. Then beat milk, powdered sugar, vanilla and cream cheese to create the filling. Add a bit of lemon juice as desired. Spread on top of the graham cracker crust and then top with premade, canned blueberry pie filling. Refrigerate and enjoy!

Host a Blueberry Cheesecake Event

By gathering together a large group of friends, anyone can enjoy a full range of blueberry cheesecakes. Encourage guests to bake and bring their own variety.

Don’t forget that different varieties of the blueberry bush are available too! It would be possible to try it with the rabbiteye blueberry, or the northern highbush blueberry. Each of these varieties brings their own flavor to the table, creating a unique twist on a basic blueberry cheesecake.

Turn it into a charity event by holding a tasting contest and then auctioning off or selling individual pieces of the blueberry cheesecakes to the crowd.

Try a New Variety of Blueberry Cheesecake

Don’t let National Blueberry Cheesecake Day pass by without sampling all the amazing varieties of this cake that the world has to offer. Most people will be delighted and amazed at just how many ways it can be prepared and enjoyed!

Consider these ideas for a new take on this favorite classic dessert:

Add to the fun by using lemon zest and lemon juice in the recipe to give a little pop of tangy flavor.

For a truly Italian flare, add a little bit of honey to the graham cracker crust and then pile fresh mint and fresh blueberries on top of the cheesecake.

Instead of an actual cheesecake, try blueberry cheesecake muffins! Simply make a normal blueberry muffin recipe, but add a dollop of sweetened cream cheese in the middle and then bake. It’s a delicious way to enjoy a variation of blueberry cheesecake without even needing a fork!

Source

[goliadkine]

Moss-Gathering

BY THEODORE ROETHKE

To loosen with all ten fingers held wide and limber

And lift up a patch, dark-green, the kind for lining cemetery baskets,

Thick and cushiony, like an old-fashioned doormat, 

The crumbling small hollow sticks on the underside mixed with roots, 

And wintergreen berries and leaves still stuck to the top, —

That was moss-gathering. 

But something always went out of me when I dug loose those carpets 

Of green, or plunged to my elbows in the spongy yellowish moss of the marshes:

And afterwards I always felt mean, jogging back over the logging road, 

As if I had broken the natural order of things in that swampland;

Disturbed some rhythm, old and of vast importance,

By pulling off flesh from the living planet;

As if I had committed, against the whole scheme of life, a desecration. 

[abookishdreamer]

Character Intro: Záchari (Kingdom of Ichor)

Nicknames- The Candymaster by the people of Olympius

Dad by Pandaisia

Zach by Oeno, his friends, and the others

Mr. Dulce by Dione

Age- 39 (immortal)

Location- Queenstown neighborhood, New Olympus

Personality- He's an affable deity with an agreeable, friendly, & compassionate temperament. He's also creative, adventurous, and is always willing to try something new. He's single & is dating casually.

He has the standard abilities of a god. As the god of confectionery his other powers/abilities include glucokinesis (sugar manipulation/generation), cocoakinesis (chocolate manipulation/generation), glycopoeia (is able to turn a being or object into candy), candy manipulation (is able to generate & manipulate various kinds of candies), as well as candy mimicry (is able to transform a part or his entire physical state completely or partially into candy).

His natural scent is that of powdered sugar.

Záchari has one child- a daughter Pandaisia (goddess of banquets). He used to be married to his daughter's mother Oeno (goddess of berries & wine)- one third of The Oenotropae.

He lives by himself on the eighth floor of The Khrysóthronos Building, a luxury apartment building in the Queenstown neighborhood of New Olympus. Záchari resides in apartment 8D. The interior design is very modern and classic with a color scheme of gray, nude, beige, chocolate brown, & black. There are minimalist pieces, leather and suede furniture, white oak flooring, as well as modern light fixtures. His favorite room (and biggest) is the kitchen. There's a grand black marble kitchen island, a wine bar with a sitting area, up-to-date appliances- including the most expensive stop top oven valued at half a million drachmas! Made by iCHOR Tech, the stove has exquiste craftsmanship & innovative technology. There's also a MASSIVE walk-in pantry that holds all of his favorite treats. The dining room has a crystal table with a mini chocolate fountain as its centerpiece along with lucite chairs.

Záchari has two pets- a girl, a poodle named Truffle and a beagle, a boy named Gummy.

He primarily gets around in his sleek glossy metallic brown car.

Záchari will typically start his mornings with a jog through Eaglepoint Park with his dogs. He'll then stop by at The Bread Box in his neighborhood for a croissant breakfast sandwich (made with scrambled eggs, green onions, ham, & shredded cheddar cheese).

When he's in the mood for something sweet to eat for breakfast, he'll make his favorites like chocolate belgian waffles (he adds cocoa powder to the flour) topped with powdered sugar, mixed berries, whipped cream, and fudge sauce, red velvet cinnamon rolls, his sweet egg omelette topped with plain yogurt, granola, & honey, and cherry berry oatmeal (hot cinnamon oatmeal topped with strawberry syrup, yogurt, chia seeds, black cherries, & maraschino cherries). Záchari will also enjoy a big bowl of Omega Lightning Flakes cereal.

He keeps in shape through working out in the gym and boxing.

A go-to drink for him is a strawberry daiquiri. He also likes red wine, piña coladas, New Olympus Iced Teas, buttery nipple shots, chocolate martinis, shirley temples, creme brulee martinis, spicy apple cider margaritas, beer punch, champagne, white wine, homemade red wine milkshakes, hot buttered rum, mimosa floats, red sangrias, mango juice, & rosé wine. Usuals from The Roasted Bean includes a medium fruit punch splash and an olympian sized mocha cookie crumble frappuccino (with extra chocolate drizzle).

His sweet tooth is notoriously known in the pantheon & in the public. Záchari has a deep love and appreciation for sugary foods. Cakes, cookies, custards, ice cream, it doesn't matter. There's no sweet treat he won't consider trying.

A guilty pleasure for him are sea salt chocolate thick cut potato chips.

Záchari adores his little girl. He was more than happy to put some of his money into the start up of Pandaisia's business that later became Cocoa Delights. They're always in touch and they hang out almost every weekend.

He enjoys listening to R&B, pop, hip-hop, dance, & rock music.

The romantic love he once had for his ex-wife transformed into a platonic friendship. Záchari and Oeno still keep in touch, talking on the phone once a week. Whenever she visits the city, they'll have dinner together with their daughter. He's currently planning a vacation for the three of them to go to the Underwolrd to try out authentic chthonic cuisine- especially the sweets.

Before the family trip, he's planning a little trip to Crete to see Karmanor compete in a bull riding competition.

From Olympic Chef, Záchari loves the honey barbeque wings. He gets a 10 piece along with olympian sized cajun fries.

He loves getting the avocado salad topped with glazed pecans & honey chipotle dressing from The Bread Box.

Záchari's main source of income comes from his business Confection Carousel, a candy shop. The business is mostly known for its saltwater taffy. It's said that the business has the largest production of saltwater taffy as well as popcorn. There's over 200 flavors and they also offer sugar free taffy. Other than the taffy, Confection Carousel also sells various novelty sodas (including soda flavors inspired by most deities) as well as various gourmet dessert popcorn (up to 100 different flavors). With Pandaisia's help, he came up with all the recipes & flavors of the novelty sodas- which are sold in glass bottles. There's an official website, fifteen locations throughout the city, and plans for a makeshift store in the Mall of Olympius as well as a new shop location in the state of Olympia. A new store location in the Underworld is also being planned!

From his shop Záchari's personal favorites include the chocolate cherry saltwater taffy, the ice cream cake flavored popcorn (which is served cold), the apple pie soda- which is inspired by his friend Hestia (goddess of the hearth), and the chocolate soda- which is inspired by his daughter.

He considers his all his employees of Confection Carousel to be extended members of his family.

Záchari enjoys the assorted macarons box along with the jumbo cinnamon roll cookie from Hollyhock's Bakery.

His other means of income comes from being a contributing writer of Kalí Órexi, the culinary magazine owned by Deipneus (god of cooking & breadmaking) and being the pastry chef for The Luxe, a high end eatery owned by Clymene (Titaness of fame & renown). Záchari was responsible for some of The Luxe's most hard-to-get sweet treats like the Golden Doughnut (a gold dusted edible chocolate doughnut with champagne creme filling topped with edible diamonds and a pure gold leaf) and the newest addition- the Golden Cannoli; a cannoli shell wrapped in a gold leaf with a base of rich dark chocolate and a whipped ricotta cheese filling mixed with candied lemon, chocolate, & lemon peel. It's priced at 25,000 drachmas. Their are plans for him to try to top the most expensive ice cream sundae on the menu with an even more extravagant frozen treat- ice cream made from the ice caps on Mt. Olympus!

In the pantheon Záchari is good friends with Trochilus (god of the mill wheel), Karmanor (demi-god of the harvest), Apólafsi (god of enjoyment), Triptolemus (god of farming), Pherusa (goddess of substance & farm estates), Karme (demi-goddess of the harvest), Eudaimonia (goddess of happiness), Kéfi (goddess of mirth), Argía (goddess of holidays), Priapus (god of fertility, vegetable gardens, livestock, sexuality, & masculinity), Eunostos (goddess of the flour mill), Philotes (goddess of sex, friendship, & affection), Leto (Titaness of demurity & motherhood), and Maia (one of The Pleiades).

He's also still close with his former sisters-in-law Elais (goddess of oil) and Spermo (goddess of grains).

Záchari LOVES making sweet treats and desserts for his friends, often times hand delivering it himself to them! He filled a decorative tin with sugar cookie gourmet popcorn which he gifted to Argía.

He was an official mentor towards Matton (god of meals).

A new business opportunity has fallen into Záchari's lap. With the completion of Deipneus' culinary TV network, He's been offered to host a reality TV baking show titled Glykó Dónti. The first episode is scheduled to premier very soon!

He recently rejected another business proposal from Clymene, a possibility of a dating reality TV show where 20 women vie for his affections produced by her production company. If he's gonna fall in love, it's going to happen for real and not in front of millions of beings every week. Though he'd be lying if he wasn't intrigued by the chance to meet beautiful & interesting women.

Záchari loves traveling to the state of Achaea to see his friends Trip & Troy, especially around the time of the state's annual beignet festival. It was there where he had is most recent hookup with a dryad named Primrose. One look at the confident swish of her curvy hips and backside & Záchari was hooked! They ended up hooking up near the back of her stall, a thick cloud of powdered sugar surrounding them.

His ultimate favorite frozen treat is his homemade overstuffed ice cream sundae. Záchari gets a giant bowl and fills it with various scoops of ice cream flavors- like vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, cherry, & red velvet. He then adds a load of toppings like white chocolate chips, pieces of cheesecake flavored saltwater taffy, pieces of chocolate chip cookies, sprinkles, bruleed banana slices, & caramel milk chocolate squares. He tops the sundae off with loads of whipped cream, strawberry syrup, fudge sauce, carmalized peanuts, and maraschino cherries.

Záchari enjoys the jars of habanero mango salsa Priapus sends to him.

He jokingly says that he upkeeps his sculpted hairstyle with the use of maple syrup.

Záchari has no expectations when it comes to dating. He's just enjoying himself and having a good time. He doesn't do hookups very often, actually enjoying the prospect of going out on a date. Záchari's last date was with a nephelai named Meghani where they went to an indoor ice skating rink in the Skyline neighborhood. They skated for three hours and enjoyed cups of hot chocolate & had a late time walk through Eaglepoint Park. When they kissed good night, Záchari noted how her lips tasted like powered sugar.

A few weeks ago he along with Eudaimonia, Kéfi, & Apólafsi went to Potè Tróei where they all shared the oversized chipwhich ice cream sandwich.

In the pantheon Záchari is also known for his fig crostadas, always dusted atop with a nice helping of powdered sugar!

In his free time he enjoys baking, cooking, watching TV, going to the movies, clubbing, dancing, basketball, football (soccer), and sunbathing.

His favorite meal is korma served with white rice and naan. He also likes his daughter's asparagus quiche.

"Dessert: the sweetest form of self-love."

[emmysorganics]

Sweet Snack Board Ideas for Any Movie Night

Movie nights and snacks go together like cookies and chocolate chips—you can’t question their compatibility. You might sit down with a bowl of popcorn or grab a handful of pretzels, but there’s nothing like a sweet snack to make the experience truly enjoyable. If you’re planning a movie night for family, friends, or yourself, make sure you have everything you need to put together a healthy and perfectly sweet snack tray. It will be the ultimate kind of treat-cuterie board with wholesome goodies, gluten-free cookies, and the stuff that puts a smile on everyone’s face.

Delicious Gluten-Free Coconut Cookies Gluten-free coconut cookies should be a pantry staple. The best are tasty, snack-sized, and the exact opposite of dry. Look at a coconut cookie’s ingredient list before choosing the one for your movie night. Shorter is better, and while you might avoid gluten, dairy, GMOs, and non-vegan ingredients, don’t avoid sugar. It’s a sweet treat kind of night, after all, and it’s not like you’ll overdo it by enjoying or offering a few chocolate chip coconut cookies on the snack board. Easy-to-Make Clean Ingredient Brownies A tray of brownies really simplifies the snack board situation. Plate ’em and serve ’em to hungry family and friends, or keep them all for yourself. You can grab a bag of grain-free brownie mix that’s gluten-free because everyone deserves to enjoy a good brownie on movie night. If everyone at the movie night is okay with peanuts, crumble some chewy peanut butter coconut cookies into the batter before the brownies go into the oven. Naturally Sweet Berries and Sliced Fruit Add some extra color to your snack board with berries and sliced fruit. Fruit will pair well with many different snacks, including coconutty dark cacao cookies, gluten-free pretzels, coconut whipped cream, and almond butter. Take a bite of a dark cacao cookie, drop a raspberry into your mouth, and keep snacking. Nobody will judge the extra cookie bites, either. It’s your snack board—you do you. Wholesome Homemade Goodies If you have kids or you’re feeling creative, start movie night in the kitchen with all hands on deck for snack-making. Use pantry items, like coconut cookies, to make fun treats. Slice them in half like a hamburger bun and sandwich ice cream in the middle. Press some into the bottom of a dish and top with Greek yogurt and berries before popping it into the fridge, or grab some of those berries and assemble fruit and cookie kabobs. You’ll have snacks to satisfy all the cravings for creativity, yumminess, and even wholesome nutrients. Planning a movie night doesn’t take that much work. You can usually look in your pantry or fridge for some goodies to snack on during the night. That said, you should probably pick up some good snacks, like coconut cookies—and when it comes to coconut cookies chocolate chip pieces are a must. You won’t be kicking yourself for missing the perfect finishing touch to a fun movie night when you have chocolate chip coconut cookies, coconutty dark cocoa cookies, or other chewy coconut cookies to feature on your snack board. About Emmy’s Organics Emmy’s Organics puts a deliciously wholesome twist on classic cookies and bakery treats, bringing you exceptionally good snacks to satisfy your sweet tooth and fuel your body. Their unique, limited-ingredient coconut cookies are gluten-free, vegan, and USDA organic—every flavor has nine or less ingredients! You can find Emmy’s Organics online and in stores nationwide, but it all started with one girl, one gluten-free boy, and one home kitchen. After creating their coconut cookies, Samantha and Ian decided to share the gluten-free treats with the world... or at least the local farmers’ market. You can pretty much guess what happened—they were a hit! Now, as a certified B Corp offering livable wages, hiring refugees, and supporting charities, Emmy’s Organics is on a mission to use their business as a force for good in your home and worldwide. Get ready for any movie night with Emmy’s Organics by visiting https://emmysorganics.com/ Original Source: https://bit.ly/3ZeXAPM

[thetravelerwrites]

Albian (Part 2)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Female Reader/Male Unicorn Centaur Additional Tags: Exophilia, Monster Boyfriend, Centaur, Unicorn Centaur Content Warnings: References to Sex Slavery

A continuation of @sammiesamr​‘s commission! The reader invites Albian to a local festival in her town, and Albian is surprised to see humans and non humans interacting. Please reblog and leave feedback!

Medieval Monsters: Shelter Forest (Declan’s Kin) 

The Fall Flower Festival was coming up, and there was a ton of activity in the village. The purpose of the festival was three-fold: celebrating the end of the harvest season, remembering the gifts of seasons past, and anticipating the promise of the spring to come in the following year. Flowers from the previous spring had been carefully dried and kept in storage specifically for the occasion. 

You and your parents had shut down the general store for at least five hours a day leading up to the festival, busy creating flower artillery instead. The artillery were condensed balls about the size of a plum made of dry, powdered flower petals mixed with a small amount of animal fat to bind them together, so that they didn’t crumble and sift through one’s fingers when being held.

During the festival, children and unmarried adults played a game with them: the players would divide into six teams with their own color, and each team lobbed the balls at the other players, one team at a time. The object is to catch the balls without breaking them and put them in baskets. The team with the most unbroken ammunition at the end won some honey coated nuts and sugar-candied berries, which was a rare and expensive treat, and good luck was said to follow the winners for the next year. Conversely, the team with most balls still intact by the end of the game would have to help clean up after the festival was over, though it was considered polite to join in, regardless of who wins or loses. 

Teams were drawn from lots on the day of the festival, and you were hoping you wouldn’t be teamed with Jameson. He still played the game despite the fact that most of his mates no longer bothered, and you were fairly certain it was just because he was trying to win points with you. You really wished he would just sit the game out, but since you were always one of the people helping look after the children during the festival, Jameson was bound to be nearby. 

He knew you loved children, and you supposed he figured that playing games with the kids would make you like him more. The problem is, he was a terrible loser. He’d often taunt and poke fun at the children during the game, as well as shout and scream at them when the game wasn’t going his way. His treatment of the kids did nothing to soften your heart to him; you could only imagine what kind of father he’d be if he ever had kids and that was enough to put you off dating him forever. 

At some point, you actually ran out of the animal fat and had to make the trek to the farm to get more, since they had a small store of it. Waiting for a hunter to bring back an animal large enough and rendering the fat down to be usable would take far too long. Besides, you could use a break. The fragrance of the flowers, though pleasant at first, was causing you headaches after a week of being exposed to it constantly.

To your surprise, Albian was standing right outside the farmhouse with the other centaurs, Birch, Yew, Reed, and Reed’s dainty little daughter, Teya. It seemed as though the centaurs were being outfitted with their new winter garb. Throughout most of the year, the centaurs could get by just fine without wearing clothes, besides Teya who wore only short tops or chest wraps on a day to day basis, but during the winter months, they needed to wear thick shirts, jackets, and saddle blankets to keep them warm. The family typically bought their clothes pre-made or secondhand, since good fabric for that many family members could get expensive, so the difference in quality was noticeable even from a distance.

Next to Birch was his fiance, Hazel, who was making some final adjustments to the sleeves of his jacket. She was a newer addition to the farmhouse, having come to live there only four months before. She was terribly shy and had trouble communicating, but she was very sweet when you gave her the room to be comfortable with you. Hazel was a weaver and a talented seamstress, and she had spent the bulk of her summer and autumn making the fabric for their new clothes. 

“Hello, friends!” You called, and they all looked up. Teya danced over immediately and showed you her new sky blue jacket and matching blanket set. 

“Isn’t it pretty?” She said, turning in a circle so you could see it all, her blunt tail swishing around madly. “Hazel let me pick the color!”

“It’s lovely!” You said, taking her hands and swinging them playfully. She giggled and leapt around to and fro. “It looks really nice with your dark hair.”

“Welcome back,” Reed said, walking up and laying a calming, affectionate hand on his daughter’s head. His jacket and blanket were a dun color that matched his fur. It seemed like his antlers would be dropping soon, since they were looking quite dry and wobbly. “What brings you by during such a busy time?” 

“I need animal fat and I’m assuming you folks have some in reserve,” You said. “I brought hair oil to trade.” 

“Yeah, we’ve got some to spare. I’ll get it for you,” Yew said. 

“Thanks.”

Yew’s new set of clothes were solid black, matching his skin, sewn with white thread, which matched his hair and much of his fur. Birch’s was a bright, ostentatious red which, given his personality, suited him perfectly. Albian’s was a soft, mossy green that was the same color as the underbrush surrounding the farm.

“I like your new clothes,” You told Albian, plucking at his sleeve. 

“Oh, thank you,” He said, looking down and smiling. “It was very generous of them to make a set for me, too, given how I showed up out of nowhere unannounced.”

“Did you pick the color?”

“Yes. I wanted to blend in better when I’m outside of the farm, to make myself less of a target.”

You desperately wanted to ask, A target for whom? But you knew you likely wouldn’t get an answer. Not a straight answer, at least.

Albian seemed to protect his past like a precious jewel, locked away tightly in a box, untouchable. Not because he remembered it fondly, but because he was so determined not to return that past, he couldn’t allow anyone to open the box for fear of letting it out to haunt him. Every time he hinted at it, your urge to comfort and shield him grew, but there was a high, high wall around him that you couldn’t climb, an ephemeral barrier that kept him out of reach.

“Harvest has been over for weeks now, so what’s got you so busy?” Albian asked curiously, pulling you out of your thoughts. 

“The flower festival is coming up, so we’re getting everything set up for it,” You told him. “My parents and I are making game items with preserved flowers.”

“That explains the powerful scent on you,” He said with a smile. “What kind of game?” 

You explained the game to him, and you couldn’t help but notice his pointed ears perking up. 

“Do you like games?” 

“No more or less so than anyone else,” He said, fidgeting. “But… you play with the children?” 

You smiled at him and nodded. “Do you like children?” 

He nodded. “I used to dream about opening up a school when I was younger. Being near children makes me feel less anxious, and I’m not sure why.”

“Is that stereotype about unicorns being drawn to innocence actually true?” You asked, hoping you weren’t being offensive.

He shrugged. “Maybe. I just… trust children far better than I trust adults.”

You could understand that. Certainly, in your own life, it was the adults that had caused you the most grief. You may have also surrounded yourself with the village’s children for a similar reason.

“Would you like to come and play the game with us?” You offered. 

He paused and tensed. “Would that be alright? I’m not from your village.” 

“It’s not a closed event,” You said. “Everyone is welcome. Yala and Reed bring their children every year, although it took a long time for Reed to come around to the idea. He used to be extremely uncomfortable around humans who aren’t family.”

“Why’s that?” 

“Bad experiences when he was a kid,” You said, and Albian nodded with grim understanding. “A lot of the two legged family members go to the festival, too, as does Yew. Birch usually comes to the festival, but since he’s getting married soon, and because Hazel gets overwhelmed in crowds, he’s sitting this year out. He wants time to get her used to interacting with others a bit more before attempting to bring her to big events like this one. Plus, you know…” You glanced sideways at Birch and Hazel, who was standing on the porch so that she was closer to being eye to eye with Birch. They were looking at each other fondly, touching gently, and communicating in hand gestures, lost in their own little world. “They’ll get some alone time if most of the family goes out for the day,” You said in an undertone. “They are newly engaged, after all.” 

“Oh,” Albian said, his pearly skin flushing a delicate pink, but he also relaxed his tense shoulders. “Alright, then. It sounds like fun.” 

Albian and the other centaurs took off their winter sets to be put away, since while it was cool enough for long sleeves, it wasn’t cold enough yet to wear jackets. You were sure the family had worked their fingers to the bone in order to finish everything before the first frost set in, especially since many of the two legged family also needed coats. Another week or two would likely bring in the cold weather from the north, so the completion of the sets was timely.  

“When will the festival be?” Albian asked as Yew arrived with a small barrel under his arm and passed it to you. 

“It’s tomorrow, actually,” You replied. “My parents and I are running ragged trying to get the artillery finished in time. That’s why I need to get back, if we’re going to get done tonight.” 

“Ah, I see,” Albian said. “I’ll wish you farewell, then. I suppose I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Aye,” You said, grinning, and trotted off back home. “Until the morrow!”

The next morning, you woke up before dawn with your parents and ate a quick breakfast before carting the artillery to the game field. The game wouldn’t start for another few hours, since other games and activities would take place first, but the flower bomb game was one of the bigger activities and it needed to be ready well in advance. 

The dawn broke without a cloud in the sky, and it was a little nippy, but not too cold. An absolutely perfect day. 

And then Jameson showed up. 

“Good morning, darling!” He said, jogging up, and you groaned internally. Thankfully, you were with your parents, so he couldn’t be overly affectionate, but his presence was still grating. “Up and about already, I see? Good, good. I love a good work ethic in a woman.”

I’m sure you do , you thought. “Good morning, Jameson,” You said neutrally. 

“I hope we’ll be on the same team this year, don’t you?” He asked. When you didn’t respond, he continued, “If we win, I have prepared a special present for you.” 

Feeling dread, you forced a smile and said, “Well, good luck, then.” 

He grinned, winked, and walked back toward the tavern, where his friends were already gathered. Great. The last thing you needed was for Jameson to be drunk when he played. He’d be less coordinated and more angry, and you weren’t looking forward to that. 

“You alright, dear?” Your dad asked, frowning. He’d never really liked Jameson, even when Jameson was a boy, so he wasn’t too happy that Jameson was openly trying to court you despite how many times you made it clear you weren’t interested. He would have firmly told Jameson to bugger off sooner if you hadn’t asked him not to.

“Yeah, it’s alright, Papa,” You said. “He’s harmless, really.” 

“I don’t agree,” Your dad said. “But if you insist.” 

“I do.” You kissed his cheek and he softened with a smile. 

All of the centaurs and some of the two-legged family, including eight year old Asahi and the five year old hybrid child of Reed and Yala, came out of the trees as the three of you finished setting up the game field. You greeted them with a wave and a wide smile, pleased to see Caeli, a gender-ambiguous person who’d married into the family, among them. 

“Welcome!” You said. “Good to see you, Caeli, haven’t seen you in a while. Where have you been all this time?” 

“Visiting some family in Dunmountain,” Caeli said with a grin. You were surprised: as far as you knew, Caeli had lost their only family before joining the forest farm’s clan.

“You have family in Dunmountain?” 

“Yeah!” They said excitedly. “My father found me! Apparently my mother had left him without a word when I was barely a year old. She always told me he’d died, but in actuality, she had run away with another man, and that’s how my sister was born. He heard about me from a friend of Declan’s and tracked me down. I’ve got a half-sister and two half-brothers I never knew about, and they asked me to come up and spend a few weeks in the city to get to know them.”

“That’s amazing!” You said, giving them a hug. “I’m so happy for you! How does Soraya feel about it?” 

“She’s really happy and supportive,” Caeli said. “She hasn’t met them yet, but he, my stepmother, and my siblings have all been invited to visit the farm next spring. I just hope they’re not too surprised by my wife or father-in-law.” They laughed. 

You laughed as well. Declan and Soraya was as rare as it gets, seeing as how most people hadn’t even heard of a giant sentient bat species, let alone seen or spoken to one. The two were possibly the only ones in the country, as far as you knew, as they had reached out to their wide network of friends to find similar folks as themselves, and thus far had come up empty.

The family followed you into town, where they met with other friends who they hadn’t seen in a while, both human and not. The three children from the farm met with the children of the village, and they all ran to the fields to play. Albian watched them all with a curious frown on his face as they gave each other hugs, kisses on the cheek, and playful slaps on the back, as though he found the exchanges strange. 

“What’s the matter?” You asked him. 

“Well…” He said slowly. “I thought… the farm was sort of a fluke. An abnormality that allowed humans and non-humans to coexist in a world where such things just aren’t allowable. I thought Jameson’s behavior proved that, but…” He waved his hand around the town and at the people conversing. “The way the people here are interacting, it’s like they’re used to sharing the space with each other.”

“They are,” You said, and his eyebrows raised. “This is an interspecies town, one of many.”

“An interspecies town? The humans allow that?” 

You nodded. “It’s less that the humans allow it than it is that the non-humans allow it. Honestly, human-only towns are unusual in this country. I only know of one, and no one I know trades with them. You’re far more likely to come across towns that are strictly non-human, like orc strongholds, than the other way ‘round. Did you come from a place where there were only non-humans?” 

His face went carefully blank. “...no. I came from a place where it was strictly humans.” 

You opened your mouth in confusion, but you closed it again. If he didn’t elaborate, then you knew you shouldn’t ask. 

The original inhabitants of this country were non-human and had lived here long before humans began to migrate to the land, therefore the laws of the country were built around non-humans. A few concessions had been made for humans once some had settled here, but ultimately the country was considered a land for non-humans ruled by non-humans, though people outside of the country may not know that. 

Albian must have come from a different country, a different continent, where non-humans suffered far greater oppression, just as Yew and Birch had. His accent wasn’t strong but it was definitely European, though you couldn’t place it to a specific region. He did say it took him a long time to get to the farm, and if he came from another country, it would make perfect sense. 

“Why don’t you go talk to some folks?” You asked him as he watched the crowd in fascination. “Make some new friends.”

“Oh,” He said with a self-conscious laugh. “I fear that may be too great a hurdle for me. Being near this many people is already difficult.” 

“Well, I’ve got a little bit of free time, now that the playing field is ready to go. Why don’t I go with you and introduce you to some of my friends.” 

He looked at you dubiously and his eyes flashed to Jameson, who was watching you from the distance with a furrowed brow. You made a grumpy face at him and turned back to Albian

“Not like him,” You assured Albian. “Close friends, people I trust. Ones who aren’t interested in courting me.” 

Albian snorted a laugh. “Alright.” 

You pulled him forward to meet your two other best friends besides Yew, Meeka and Molly. They were twin tieflings who had been born to a human mother and a demon father. Their father was a lord who lived in the realm of chaos, and as such, he was only able to come to the mortal realm for three days every ten years. He’d met, fell in love with, and married the twins’ mother in those three days, and met his daughters ten years later. He was scheduled to return in the next sixteen months, and you knew the twins were anxiously awaiting that day. You kind of were too, since they had promised to introduce you.

It took Albian a little while to get comfortable with the twins, though it helped that they were bubblier than a hot spring in June and also that they weren’t human. Eventually he was able to joke and laugh with them the same way he did with you and the farm family. Hanging out with them also had the extra bonus of keeping Jameson away, since he was afraid of the twins. Not that he’d ever admit it. He swore up and down that they had cursed him years ago after he’d put bugs in their First Winter Soup, which was another festival of the town, though he wouldn’t tell you what the curse was and seemed mightily embarrassed about it. You doubted the voracity of his statement, seeing as how neither of the twins had inherited any magical powers from their father nor were they inclined toward such things. 

After spending the morning with Albian and the twins, it was nearly time for the flower fight, so the four of you made your way back to the playing field slowly, enjoying baked apples and mulled cider. Albian was apparently a bit of a lightweight, seeing as only a little bit of cider was enough to make him feel fuzzy-headed, but he seemed like an affectionate drunk rather than an angry or sad one. He even reached out at one point to remove a leaf from the top of your head and fiddled with a lock of your hair for a moment, making you blush. 

You met Yew and the others back at the field and Yew waved to you, calling you over to where he was kneeling in the grass, his long tail swishing to and fro. You left Albian and the twins with Reed and trotted over. 

“You seemed to have gotten him to open up a bit,” Yew said with a grin. “That’s no simple task. He’s a taciturn fellow, even at the farm.”

“I know,” You mused, wrapping your arms around your waist. “I wish I knew why he was so closed-off, but I know if I ask him, he won’t tell me. And I don’t know him well enough yet to pry into his past, anyway.”

“You haven’t noticed it yet, have you, love?” Yew asked somberly.  

“Notice what?” You asked.

“His back leg, on the right,” He said, his voice dropping so those nearby couldn’t overhear. “There’s a scar there, an old one. It’s hard to see, since it’s so pale, but you’ll see it if you really pay attention to it: a ring that goes all the way around. The perfect shape for a shackle. And judging by how deep the scar is, he likely wore it for a very long time.” 

You felt a little sick at the thought, but you didn’t doubt Yew’s words. If anyone would know, it would certainly be him.

Both Yew and Birch came from a cattle ranch on another continent where they were not considered people. As such, centaurs and similar “beast-kin” races were enslaved and treated like animals, selectively bred for both appearance and strength, sold for a high price as laborers, steeds, and trophies. Yew’s unusual coloring meant he almost certainly would have ended up as a part of some disgusting person’s “collection,” whatever that meant, and the thought alone made you feel ill. 

Birch may have fared far worse, considering how attractive he was. There was every possibility he would have been sold to a high-end brothel for rich people who didn’t care about the interspecies relations ban in that country. Yew was pretty certain they were training him for just such a situation, though he never told you what that training entailed, and you never felt a desire to ask, horrified as to what you might hear.

Birch never spoke of his life before the farm to anyone, as far as you were aware. He didn’t even talk about it with Yew, despite the two of them escaping together, but Yew had told you some details of what he could remember. All of it sounded just plain awful.

“Do you think he came from a place like you and Birch did? The Ranch?” You asked him quietly. 

“I don’t know,” Yew said with a sigh, ruffling his short, fluffy white hair. “It’s definitely possible, considering how rare a breed he is. Just… give him time. Space. He likes you, love, I can tell. But he’s definitely been hurt before, and likely at the hands of humans. He just needs time. Let him breathe.” 

You hooked your arm with Yew’s and lay your head on his shoulder. 

“Okay.”

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My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[heroes-feasting]

Meal’s End

“[...] this refreshing dish is quick to concoct and easy to serve by the bowlful, requiring no baking. While there are subtle variations of “meal’s end” based on region and culture, the version with chopped persimmon or plum in lieu of field berries is quite seasonal and thus recommended.” - Heroes’ Feast, p. 79

Honestly, I'm going to start calling the whipped heavy cream, greek yogurt, vanilla extract combo that creates the base of Meal’s End “better whipped cream”. The rich sweetness of the cream and vanilla is both enhanced and offset by the addition of the greek yogurt in a way I still struggle to describe.

To make it even better, because the meringues melt quickly in your mouth, they add fantastic texture while not disturbing the overall smoothness of the dessert!

Rich without being heavy, Meal’s End from Heroes’ Feast is the perfect light dessert to have after any meal!

See below for my notes on the results and for some helpful tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep: 10 mins                Cook: 10 mins                 Total: 20 mins

Ingredients - serves 4 parfait glasses:

3 cups (430 g) fresh strawberries, rinsed and hulled (or a mix of berries)

Sugar as needed

1 ⅓ cups (315 ml) heavy cream

⅓ cup (80 ml) plain Greek yogurt (preferably whole milk) or crème fraîche*

¼ tsp. (1 ml) pure vanilla extract

2 ounces package (50 g/half the package shown) or homemade cocoa or vanilla meringues, coarsely crumbled (about 1 ⅓ cups)

* I used 2% plain Greek yogurt.

Coarsely chop 2 cups of the strawberries. In a bowl, mix the chopped strawberries with sugar to taste. (top-left bowl)

Slice or quarter the remaining 1 cup berries. In a small bowl, mix these strawberries with sugar to taste. (top-right bowl)

Using an electric or handheld whisk, beat the heavy whipping cream until it is softly whipped, adding 1 tbsp. of sugar once the cream has thickened.

This will take 1 to 1 ½ minutes with a stand mixer at high speed.

TIP: To make the cream whisk faster, put the bowl you are using in the fridge or freezer for 10 minutes until chilled. Also, keep the cream cold in the fridge until you’re ready to whip it.

Fold in the yogurt and vanilla just until blended.

Fold in the chopped berries and crumbled meringues.

Divide the mixture among four serving dishes, top with the sliced berries, and serve all at once.

NOTE: Time is not kind to the texture of the meringues. Serve Meal’s End immediately after making it. However, leftovers can be kept covered in the fridge and eaten later.

Overall, I would give this recipe a 5/5. Like I said in the intro, the meringues and berries compliment the smoothness and incredible flavour of the whipped cream mixture perfectly!

I would highly recommend eating this after a fish dinner, but it’s also a great dessert after heavier foods like steak.

Although eating it immediately after making will preserve the texture of the meringues, save any leftovers you’ve got from this! The flavour of the meringues will combine with the whipped cream and make a delicious dessert later too!

[loominggaia]

SEELIE CUISINE

(lore under cut)

The Seelie Court is one of the oldest Great Kingdoms on Looming Gaia. It has been ruled by the  immortal queen Titania for thousands of years. Because its politics have largely stagnated, so too has its culture. The Seelie are distrustful of foreigners and their goods, and take pride in all that’s locally-sourced from their own territory. Their traditional cuisine is a prime example of this attitude.

FRUIT LOAF

Wild cherry trees are abundant in northern Umory-Ond, which the Seelie call home. Because of this, cherries have always been incorporated into a wide variety of dishes, but none more popular than the humble fruit loaf. Tasty and easy to bake, this dense loaf of bread is fermented and made to last for months. It makes a good snack to travel with.

CHOCOLATE COFFEE

Seelie coffee is traditionally served with whipped cream, chocolate sprinkles, and some kind of fruit or berry. Melted chocolate and extra sugar is mixed in for a sweeter taste. As a heavily fae-dominated kingdom, most Seelie citizens are magic users and rely on caffeine to replenish their arcane energy.

SHELLFISH

The Seelie Court’s largest cities are located along Umory-Ond’s coastline. These coastlines are abundant with sealife that’s plenty good to eat. Shellfish are easy to both farm and harvest in the wild, so they have become one of the most popular forms of seafood for all Seelie kind. Mussels are most common, served in the shell with various spices.

CABBISH

Cabbish is a soup made from boiled cabbage, sliced carrots, huckleberries, and broth. Despite its strong odor (and the odors that follow after eating it), it is an ancient and beloved dish for its sweet and salty flavor. It was once known as a dish for the poor, but richer variants have made their way to the tables of the wealthy in recent times.

CRYSTAL STICK

This candy is made from crystallized sugar. It’s usually eaten on a stick, but is also made into balls or small “crumbles” that can be eaten by the handful. These have a shelf life of many years, so Seelie soldiers are known to carry them around for a quick burst of energy on the field.

DUMPLINGS

A simple pocket of flour with a meat and/or vegetable filling. The average Seelie citizen eats dumplings every day. They are appropriate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and are often eaten as a side to other dishes. Their convenient structure makes them a good food to eat on the go and they are sold by many street vendors.

CANDLEWINE

This eye-catching, luminous wine is made from a glowing plant called candleroot. Candleroot is normally not edible, but winemakers process it in a unique way that enables fae species to drink it safely. Gaians, commoners, and most animals don’t get any benefit from this wine and may even get sick.

HAUNCH ‘N TATO

The traditional Seelie dinner is a simple meat haunch with gravy, spices, and a baked potato topped with pitter butter—a dairy-free byproduct of a giant caterpillar. The meat is typically from rabbit, fox, or sheep. Sometimes the meat is replaced with a fake haunch made from soy for a vegetarian alternative. This variant is popular with Seelie’s goblin populations, who cannot tolerate meat.

FAIRY COOKIES

Though they look innocuous and taste delicious, these frosted cookies have a grim history behind them. As a divine, Queen Titania used her powers to forge an army of monsters called “faerys” to fight in her wars. She produced them by the thousands, but what she didn’t account for was the resources they would need to survive. She hadn’t enough food to feed them all, so she instructed the stronger faerys to kill off the weaker ones, then process their corpses into biscuits that would keep for a long time. These biscuits were called “faery cookies”. Today, the spelling has been altered slightly to separate them from their dark past, as they are no longer made from corpses...at least most of the time. In the past, their flour was made from ground bonemeal and they were topped with blood. Today, they are usually made with simple wheat, sugary frosting, and sometimes marrow from the bones of animals. They are an obligatory treat for any kind of celebration, serving to remind the Seelie people of their colorful history.

*

Questions?

Masterpost

*

[dani-meme]

Recognising the Eucalypt

Written as part of an assignment on Australian Landscapes.

A photo of Eucalyptus camaldulensis, a common kind of gum tree known as the Red River Gum. Photo taken by Bindy Welsh, 2011.

Should you ever come to Australia, the most common kind of tree you will find will be the Eucalypt.

You might be able to recognise them by shape: They aren't very tall — most varieties average 10 to 20 metres — but that's primarily due to the poor soil quality in urban areas. They aren't very straight either; their trunks are crooked and will split off early. Neither do they have very full canopies; their crowns appear patchy, with gaps between clumps of leaves.

But there are other trees with crooked trunks, other trees that are short, and other trees with mottled canopies, so more likely than by any of these characteristics, you'll recognise a Eucalypt by its bark, leaves, or fruit — all of which appear rather distinct.

Start with the bark: A Eucalypt grows a new layer of bark every year. This layer grows under the surface, and ends up pushing off the old bark, which ends up scattered across the ground in pieces. However, different species of Eucalypt shed bark differently: Some have bark that peels down in long sections. Others have bark with tessellated patterns, which comes off in chunks. Some have long, string-like fibres, which crumble apart to the touch — these ones are known as stringybarks.

Certain varieties of Eucalypt, however, don't shed their old bark; layers instead pile up over the top of each other. The dryness of these dead layers causes them to crack, leaving large fissures down the tree which bleed kino, a kind of red sap. These trees end up resembling iron slag — which is what earns them the name of Ironbark.

SCAR TREES: Various groups of Aboriginal people would occasionally carve out pieces of bark from Eucalypts — for use in canoes, containers, or shields. As the trees regrew from these carvings, they ended up with round, bulging scars, which is why these trees get called scar trees. After colonisation, most scar trees got cut down, meaning that very few remain today.

Alternatively, you can look at a tree's leaves: Eucalypt leaves don't tend to be as green as those of other trees — often more mixed with shades of grey or faint blue — and they all have a waxy texture to them. The leaves themselves are long and pointed — like spear tips — but they often aren't straight; they bend to one side, and end up pointing downward like a willow's. This is one of the factors that contributes to the patchy appearance of Eucalypt canopies. Almost all varieties of Eucalypts are evergreen, so instead of shedding their leaves seasonally, they scatter about dry leaves all year.

EUCALYPTUS OIL: Like the leaves of all trees in the Myrtaceae family, Eucalypt leaves are covered in glands which secrete oil, which is what gives them their waxy texture. Eucalyptus oil has historically been used for its medicinal properties — both by Aboriginal peoples and European colonists. The oil also ends up making Eucalypt forests especially flammable.

But the most distinguishing feature of the Eucalypt is their flowers: they grow in bunches — like berries — and they barely look like flowers. The petals and leaves are fused together into a small cap known as an operculum. Out of that cap sticks the flower's stamens — long, straight, colourful hairs which are each tipped with pollen. The whole thing together ends up looking like a little broom. After the flower is pollinated, it begins to turn into a fruit — but like the flowers, Eucalypt fruit barely resemble fruit. The inside of the operculum falls out, and the rest hardens into a woody, bell-shaped container, which holds the Eucalypt's seeds inside. These fruit look a little bit like nuts — which is why they are often called gum nuts.

If you ever come to Australia, be on the lookout for Eucalypts — though as has been mentioned, they aren't hard to spot.

[hopetofantasy]

Culture, parallels & meta - S3 E3

Zaterdag 08:10

Perfect parallel: An upset Robbe being little spoon to Noor this episode, him being a relaxed little spoon to Sander in the last one.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Moyo has half eaten wafers cookies on his bed. Between the cellphone time and timestamp, it took Robbe five minutes to get dressed and to the beach. The beautiful angel pendant makes its first appearance.

Bonus: This cinematography trick of using a wide shot with nobody else in the sight, makes us actually feel how lonely Robbe actually is. 

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Zaterdag 08:23

C is for culture: “Vamanos” - As you may have noticed, Flemish has a lot of words that aren’t typically Dutch. These are called ‘leenwoorden’ (= ‘borrowing words’). In some cases, the language has made the word its own, with their conjugation or sound (like barbecue - barbecuet - or e-mail - ge-e-maild), other times the expression is copied completely (like smartphone or laptop). There are various reasons as to why people don’t want to change it: globalization, wanting to be more vague/cool, general laziness, ...

Perfect parallel: 

Sander’s playful “Are you the manager?” and “That’ll be zero stars on Booking.com” to Robbe when they meet in this episode, Sander’s sheepish “Zero stars on Booking.com” and Robbe’s pointed “Where is that manager when you need him?”, when they have their fall-out in a later episode. 

Sander saying “When I booked this room, I explicitly asked for room-service” here and him actually booking a room with room-service for the both of them later on.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Jens’ keyboard is lying on top of the closet. Sander grabbing his keys (to his car?).

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Zaterdag 08:44

C is for culture: The option to use self-scanning is pretty common in Belgian supermarkets, especially in shop-and-go city stores. You pick up the scanner, scan the stuff you buy, go to a counter, pay and walk out with your groceries. A sales assistant is still present to help out with problems or do random routine checks. It’s fast, easy and cost-efficient. The downside? Shoplifting becomes a bit easier this way.

That’s character: Sander is putting up a ‘cool guy, devil may care’ facade. He jokes about not scanning everything, dismisses Amber’s list, whirls the shopping cart around and sings David Bowie to this boy. He wants to make a lasting impression on Robbe. If he’s the most charming, chaotic and adventurous version of himself, then he doesn’t have to think about other stuff like his own crumbling relationship. (Also the reason why he doesn’t answer the question about Amber: they simply met through Britt). As the boxes fall down, so does Sander’s tough exterior, as he never intended to hurt Robbe by playing around in the supermarket.

Robbe’s clumsiness meter: +3, he almost topples off the cart twice and drops the chocolate bars on the floor. (The crash with Sander isn’t his fault though)

Oopsie: 

Sander is wearing a leather jacket, but we don’t see it in the previous clip. Either he left it in his car or it’s an ‘oopsie’.

When Sander accidentally tosses Robbe into the boxes, we hear glass breaking. However, in the next shot, the boxes seem to empty (and they were supposed to be filled with chips, which don’t make that sound).

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Sander is wearing black Converse. They bought Jupiler beer. Robbe pulls out ‘Delhaize’ Biscuit chocolate bars and Florentin cookies.

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Zaterdag 13:13

C is for culture: "Croques” - The word ‘croque’ is an abbreviation for ‘croque monsieur’ (= ‘crunch mister’). These are grilled ham-and-cheese sandwiches, a typical greasy snack at taverns, markets, carnivals, your home, ... Other versions include the ‘croque madame’ topped with a fried egg, ‘croque bolognese’ with bolognese sauce, ‘croque hawai’ with a pineapple slice.

That’s character: It’s clear that Robbe has no idea how to eat properly. All throughout the season he eats unhealthy breakfasts (choco spread with cookies), snacks (chips, cookies) and dinners (Aïki noodles, frozen lasagna). But here we see the reason: he doesn’t seem to know how to cook or work a stove. Exactly why he buys prepackaged or instant food options. So, it’s probably for the best that Zoë helps out his eating habits.

Perfect parallel:

Robbe making an unhealthy breakfast in the previous episode, Sander providing him with an unhealthy snack in this one. (The way to a man’s heart is through the stomach)

Britt’s condescending “Listening to David Bowie again?” in this episode, her calling Robbe his next obsession similar to David Bowie later on. 

Sander’s “Do you know where I can find the coffee?” to Robbe in an earlier scene and his “Was coffee on the list?” to Amber here.

Robbe’s clumsiness meter: +2, he stumbles backwards after Sander touches his shoulder and burns himself after turning the ‘croque’.

Nod to the OG: This kitchen scene is the equivalent of the ‘5 fine frøkner’ scene, as Sander sings his favorite song to Robbe and makes breakfast, whilst both flirt with each other (subtly).

Oopsie: They supposedly went to ‘Delhaize’ for all their groceries, but the ketchup bottle comes from ‘Carrefour’ and the butter from ‘Colruyt’. 

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Sander messes up the first words to ‘Under Pressure�� - it’s ‘pressure’ not ‘under pressure’. He mixes the weed with tobacco for his joint. The conflict on Sander’s face at the end.

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Zondag 16:34

C is for culture: "What kind of shit question is this?” - They’re playing ‘De Slimste Mens ter wereld’ (= ‘The smartest human on earth’), a board game by the popular Flemish television show with the same name. The quiz is very challenging. People have to solve associative, general knowledge and out-of-the-box questions with multiple answers in different rounds. Points are awarded in the form of seconds, which are used during the game. The candidate with time left at the end, wins.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The group is drinking white wine out of plastic cups. Sander studied at ‘de!Kunsthumaniora’, the same school as Noor. Sander’s wearing his combat boots again.

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Maandag 15:12

C is for culture: Aaron is wearing a bunny costume for the paintball game ‘Hunt the bunny’. This is usually played by people on a bachelor party or a corporate team building (with the groom/boss as the bunny). The goal is simple: the bunny has to cross the field from one corner to another, whilst the hunters shoot as much paintballs as possible to ‘kill’ it. Which is... rather painful, especially at close range. 

Oopsie: What they’re doing is actually illegal or even impossible. People aren’t allowed to play paintball in protected environments, like dunes. Unless they’re doing it with a specialized organization who’s trained for these games (and are present at the time of playing) or have the written permission from the ‘Agency of Nature and Forest’, the police, the city, ... There is a whole heap of permissions, administrative papers and laws to deal with. 

Lost in translation: Britt saying “Doe normaal” (= “Act normal”) has nothing to do with her dismissing Sander’s mental health. This Flemish phrase is often used to calm people down, telling them that they’re acting rather irrationally or childish. It’s an angry way of saying “Can’t you behave yourself? Calm down. What are you doing? Be rational!”. 

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The blue and red flags tells us that they’re going to play ‘capture the flag’. Some of the ‘pfff’ gun sounds you hear, indicate that the air pressure needs to be checked. Moyo took off his protection mask, which is dangerous and sometimes considered a foul during the game.

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Dinsdag 20:02

C is for culture: "Do you know how to make s’mores?” - Toasting marshmallows above a campfire, isn’t really a tradition in Belgium. So that’s why the girls don’t know how to make s’mores. 

Lost in translation: ’Smoor’ is a Flemish dialect word for smoke or the act of smoking. It does sound a lot like ‘s’mores’. This is why Luca thinks Aaron wants to hold the marshmallow into the fire. 

Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: Of course Robbe had nothing to lose with Noor, he wasn’t actually interested in her. With Sander, however, Robbe doesn’t dare to do anything.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Aaron is drinking ‘Bock’ beer. Amber looks at Aaron like she really likes him, when he’s preparing the s’mores.

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Woensdag 20:42

C is for culture: 

“An old german bunker” - The province of West-Flanders as well as its coast still has a lot of remnants left from WWI. From German bunkers to trench-networks, burial sites and museums, the 'Great war’ left its traces. Unsurprisingly, every year, people still find around 300 tons of (active) bombs underneath the fields.

“Around ‘All Souls’ Day’ they come back to life” - ‘All Souls’ Day’ is a christian holiday on the 2nd of November, on which the dead are commemorated. However, since that day isn’t an official holiday in Belgium, people visit the graves and honor of their loved ones on the 1st of November, ‘All Saint’s Day’. 

The group drinking ‘jenever’ shots - ‘Jenever’ (known in English as ‘Dutch gin’ or ‘genever’) is a traditional liquor in Belgium and the Netherlands. Young people usually drink these colored, high percentage spirits at Christmas markets, pre-drinks or parties when it’s cold outside. Different flavors include vanilla, chocolate, berries, lemon, apple, ...

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The wooden panel behind Jens says ‘Volg de pijlen’ (= ‘Follow the arrows’). Aaron and Amber are holding hands after their fall. Robbe downs a chocolate-cream ‘jenever’ shot at the end. 

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Woensdag 21:53

Perfect parallel: Robbe lashing out at his friends in this episode - he feels left out and confused about his sexuality - and blames the pranks. Him doing the same in the next - he thinks his friends are hypocrites by saying homophobic comments to him yet defending the gay teacher - and blames the vlogs. 

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The second living room has a spinning disco light.

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Donderdag 21:12

C is for culture:

“In dat jeugdhuis” - A ‘jeugdhuis’ (= ‘youth house’) is a meeting place, run by young volunteers. All teens and young adults are welcome to hang out, throw parties, drink at their bar, organize concerts, attend workshops - just making the space their own. 

“He sounded like a begging Romanian” - Luca is referring to Romanian Romani families, who roam around in the streets of Brussels begging for some money. These ethnic groups have a mostly negative image amongst the Europeans. Which is why she states this harsh and hurtful comparison.

Perfect parallel: Noor asking Robbe for a playlist so she can listen to his favorite songs here, Sander actually making a Bowie playlist for Robbe in the next episode.

Lost in translation: Luca is mocking the West-Flemish dialect by copying what the boy said, namely “Moe’en julder ok ‘n flyer ‘ennen?”. This dialect is known for blowing their ‘g’ and ‘h’ so that they sound similar, conjugating their 'yes’ or ‘no’, having double subjects, seemingly swallowing some letters, among other things. It’s one of the most confusing and difficult dialects for the Flemish to understand themselves.

Oopsie: When Aaron asks Amber if she needs a drink, Britt and Sander are dancing right behind him. When she answers and walks away, they’re suddenly gone, only to be seen again when Moyo walks over.

Nod to the OG/Wink to other remakes: The ‘call your girlfriend’ kiss, duh! 

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Jana is wearing one white contact lens.

°

Vrijdag 08:43

Perfect parallel: 

Sander searching for coffee first thing in the morning earlier this episode and him pouring a cup before any task in this clip.

Sander’s “Maybe I’m scared that I will never find someone” here and Robbe’s multi-layered “I’m so happy that I found you” in the last episode.

Oopsie: When the boys walk to the recycling spot, the lighting changes from sunny to clouded to dark in a matter of seconds.

Funny coincidence: Sander referring to his relationship as ‘ups and downs’, probably similar to his experience with bipolarity.

Wink to other remakes: An almost kiss near trash, remind you of certain Italian boys?

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Amber delegating tasks, but doing nothing herself. Robbe smiles for a few milliseconds, because Sander touched him. The flash of panic in Robbe’s eyes afterwards.

[rabbitcruiser]

National Blueberry Cheesecake Day 

Try making your own blueberry cheesecake, or visit a bakery or restaurant to enjoy this cheesy, sweet, tangy graham cracker-crusted treat.

There isn’t much in life that people love more than the rich, tangy flavor of an indulgent cheesecake. Life can be so much sweeter when everyone has the opportunity to be introduced to blueberry cheesecake!

A crumbly graham cracker or cookie crust with a rich cheesy base is topped with a blueberry syrup and then capped with fresh blueberries. This might just be the only thing that could possibly be better than the New York original!

National Blueberry Cheesecake Day was established to ensure that people everywhere know how incredible this dessert is and are given the permission they need in order to celebrate appropriately.

This holiday is a great chance for anyone and everyone to try it for themselves and pass the message on to friends and family!

History Of National Blueberry Cheesecake Day

The origins of the cheesecake can be traced back as far as Ancient Greece, when the first recipes for this cake were put into writing. In the centuries that followed, the dessert would undergo countless changes until it developed into what we know (and love) it to be today.

As different countries embraced this dish, and differing ingredients were more easily available, regional varieties came to be. Different combinations of cheese would often be used depending on the particular location, but the love of the cheesecake itself was certainly universal!

When it comes to cheesecake, cream cheese is the favored primary ingredient in America, while Italian recipes seem to prefer ricotta as a base. In addition, there is a special kind of curd cheese known as “quark” that is used in cheesecakes throughout Poland and Germany.

As these recipes came to be localized, new innovations were being made by the bakers who developed them. One of these new ideas included the addition of fruit to the cheesecake, and the best of all (of course!) was the enticing and delicious blueberry!

Of course, blueberries are delicious in their own right. Native to North America, blueberries were originally called “star berries” by the Native Americans who inhabited the lands prior to the Europeans. Blueberries are an extremely healthy fruit that is called a “superfood”, due to its high concentration of vitamins and antioxidants. Adding these yummy berries to the top of a cheesecake probably doesn’t make them healthier, but it certainly makes them tasty!

In addition to the standard options, there are a number of variations of blueberry cheesecake–as if the original wasn’t good enough! Some of the interesting variations include chocolate blueberry cheesecakes, blueberry mint cheesecakes and even blueberry cheesecakes made with kombucha!

The inventiveness of the cheesecake lover seems to know no limits, which is certainly a benefit to those who are eating it. National Blueberry Cheesecake Day is the perfect opportunity to explore them all!

How to Celebrate National Blueberry Cheesecake Day

For people who love all things related to cheesecake and blueberries, this is going to be an absolute favorite holiday to celebrate, whether on their own or with family and friends! Eating a piece of traditional blueberry cheesecake is only just the beginning.

Try celebrating National Blueberry Cheesecake Day in one of these ways, or come up with other ideas:

Try Making a Blueberry Cheesecake

While traditional, baked cheesecakes come with their own set of challenges in making them, very many shortcut recipes are now available online–and a variety of them do not even require use of the oven!

For an easy no-bake blueberry cheesecake, mix crushed graham crackers or butter cookies with melted butter and sugar to create a crust. Press into a pie pan or cake pan. Then beat milk, powdered sugar, vanilla and cream cheese to create the filling. Add a bit of lemon juice as desired. Spread on top of the graham cracker crust and then top with premade, canned blueberry pie filling. Refrigerate and enjoy!

Host a Blueberry Cheesecake Event

By gathering together a large group of friends, anyone can enjoy a full range of blueberry cheesecakes. Encourage guests to bake and bring their own variety.

Don’t forget that different varieties of the blueberry bush are available too! It would be possible to try it with the rabbiteye blueberry, or the northern highbush blueberry. Each of these varieties brings their own flavor to the table, creating a unique twist on a basic blueberry cheesecake.

Turn it into a charity event by holding a tasting contest and then auctioning off or selling individual pieces of the blueberry cheesecakes to the crowd.

Try a New Variety of Blueberry Cheesecake

Don’t let National Blueberry Cheesecake Day pass by without sampling all the amazing varieties of this cake that the world has to offer. Most people will be delighted and amazed at just how many ways it can be prepared and enjoyed!

Consider these ideas for a new take on this favorite classic dessert:

Add to the fun by using lemon zest and lemon juice in the recipe to give a little pop of tangy flavor.

For a truly Italian flare, add a little bit of honey to the graham cracker crust and then pile fresh mint and fresh blueberries on top of the cheesecake.

Instead of an actual cheesecake, try blueberry cheesecake muffins! Simply make a normal blueberry muffin recipe, but add a dollop of sweetened cream cheese in the middle and then bake. It’s a delicious way to enjoy a variation of blueberry cheesecake without even needing a fork!

Source

[therenlover]

Cakes for the Evans Part One: The Kai Cake Disaster

Today, dear followers, I began the first step of a long journey that I hope to share with you. Today, I baked a cake.

I had a whole lot of free time this afternoon with a whole lot of nothing to do, so I was hanging out with my sister. We were watching AHS when suddenly, out of nowhere, I had an idea. A “brilliant” idea. I was going to bake a cake.

The original plan was pretty simple. I’d find some ingredients in the cupboard, bake a little cake, and call it a day, but shortly after I gathered up a recipe and an idea for the flavor I though ‘huh, I could make a series out of this!’ So, I did.

From today, whenever I have the time and can gather the ingredients, I’m going to start baking a cake for each Evan (all the Evans in AHS, Warren Lipka, Peter Maximoff, and Ralph Bohner). Today I started with Kai Anderson.

It was, to be fully honest, a fucking disaster, so it being Kai’s cake is fitting. 

At first things went well. I had a whole bag of tangerines in the fridge, as well as a few cartons of berries that were going to go bad soon. Me and my sister modified a few family recipes, and soon enough we had our idea. 

Originally, the cake was supposed to be a two layer tangerine cake, with blackberry frosting in the middle and an orange blueberry glaze on top. As you can see, that didn’t happen.

We made the cakes themselves with little error. It was delightful to have something work out with no kinks. We took that for granted. With all our success, our egos had soared. There was no way this could go wrong after starting on such a bright note, right? Wrong.

First, the blackberry frosting just... didn’t turn into frosting. Like, we followed the instructions but the berries had a looot of water in them, so it sort of just turned into a sugary mess. We ended up just tossing it in a mason jar and plan to use it for crepes tomorrow.

Then, while I was zesting tangerines, my sister watched in horror as the cakes just... fell apart. Neither of them made it out of the pan fully formed despite the fact that we had greased them with a ridiculous amount of butter. One was salvageable... the other, not so much. We rolled with it, found a can of frosting in the pantry, and made some extra cake pops.

The cake pops.... well, we’ll get to that later.

The tangerine blueberry glaze ended up.... well, it was too thin, so we cooked it down and ended up with another weird sugary syrup slop, only this time it had chunks! Delightful! It ended up tasting pretty good, but took more steps and improv than initially intended. 

Once all was said and done, we fetched the cake pops from the freezer only to find they had cemented themselves to the wax paper, and refused to budge. At this point, I was close to tears. 

I would not, in all honesty, recommend this process to anyone. It was time consuming, took way too many bowls, and the ending product was kind of a mess. The only thing I can say is that it was, in the end, very delicious. 

So, here is a full recipe and guide on how to make Kai Anderson’s Disaster Cake (and bonus cake pops). Good luck, you’re going to need it. 

Ingredients*:

Tangerine Syrup

1 1/2 cups (about 4) tangerines, fully peeled

1/2 cup water

1 1/4 cups white sugar

The Cake

1/2 cup butter

1 cup white sugar

2 eggs

Tangerine syrup (measurements above)

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 3/4 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 cup of milk

Tangerine Berry Glaze

2 tangerines, zested and fully peeled

6 oz. (one carton) blackberries

6 oz. (one carton) blueberries

1 1/2 cups of sugar, food processed but not powdered

4 tablespoons of butter, softened

4 tablespoons of milk

1/3 cup agave syrup

Cake Pops

1 9″ round tangerine cake

1/2 cup Pillsbury cream cheese frosting

Cake Pop Frosting

Remaining Pillsbury cream cheese frosting

1/2 cup tangerine berry glaze

* - These are pretty good, but general approximations of the ingredients I actually used because this cake threw me for a loop and tested my imagination. Nothing worked like it was supposed to... literally.

Now, on to the disaster. 

Instructions: 

The Cake

First, peel 4 tangerines. Separate each of the sections of fruit and peel the skin off of the small sections.

Add the peeled pieces of tangerine to a medium saucepan with half a cup of water and 1 1/4 cups of white sugar.

Bring the mixture to a boil, stirring continuously to prevent burning. Once a boil has been reached, lower the temperature and bring the mixture down to a simmer.

Use a tool of your choice to mash the fruit as the syrup simmers. Once the fruit is mashed, continue stirring the mixture as it thickens and boils down. This process will take about ten minutes.

After ten minutes, pour the mixture into a food processor and blend until there are no large chunks of pulp left. Then, set the mixture aside to cool as you prepare the batter.

Before starting your batter, set the oven to 350 degrees fahrenheit and allow it to heat up as you work.

Add half a cup of butter, cold, to a bowl with one cup of white sugar. Use a mixer to cream the sugar and butter together.

Once it’s been creamed, add two eggs and mix again with the mixer until the ingredients have been evenly incorporated.

Next, add the flour, baking power, and now-cooled tangerine syrup to the bowl. Fold the ingredients together until there are no chunks of flour and the syrup is fully integrated. Then, fold in the milk.

Pour the batter evenly into two, nine inch round cake pans that have been greased thoroughly with butter or a baking grease of your choice. Crisco is a great alternative!

Bake the cakes at 350 degrees fahrenheit for 30 to 40 minutes. Ours were brown at the edges and cooked all the way through at 35 minutes, but based on your oven the time may vary.

Allow the cakes to cool in their pans, and then carefully turn one of them onto a plate for glazing. If it breaks, no problems! You can just use the other one.

If both cakes survive their trips out of the pan, you can use the tangerine berry glaze both between the layers and on top of the cake. If only one survives, simply put the glaze over top, and set the other, broken cake aside for cake pops.

The Glaze

Take one cup of white sugar and put it in a food processor. Blend it, but don’t do it enough for it to be fully powdered. Be impatient. Cut corners. In the end, you should have sugar with granules that are smaller than normal, but not quite small enough to be considered powdered sugar.

Zest two tangerines. Once you’ve collected all the zest you can, peel them, section them, and take the skin off of the small sections.

Put the tangerine zest and peeled tangerine sections in a food processor, and add your blueberries and blackberries. Next, add your slightly powdered sugar, your melted butter, and your milk. 

Use the food processor to combine the ingredients. The mixture, when fully processed, should be slightly chunky, kind of like a jam! Transfer the mixture from the food processor into a sauce pan.

Bring the mixture to a boil, stirring regularly to prevent burning. Once it is at a boil, add your agave syrup. From there, lower the heat and allow the mixture to simmer for 15 minutes as you continue to stir.

If you are only making the cake, pour the glaze over the first cake, put the second layer on top, finally topping the whole cake with the remaining glaze. If you are making cake pops, set aside half a cup of glaze and use the rest to top your single layer cake.

The Cake Pops

If your cake, like ours, came out of the pan in five separate pieces, not to worry! There’s still hope for you yet, unlike Kai.

Put the crumbled pieces of your ruined cake in a bowl with 1/4 of a cup of pillsbury canned cream cheese frosting, preferably one that has sat in your cupboard for a few months after another failed baking experiment. 

Get your hands dirty! Crush the cake with your hands to combine it with the frosting and turn it into a thick, doughy substance.

Once the frosting and cake are combined, add half a cup of your tangerine berry glaze to the dough and mix it in by hand again. The ending product will look kind of grey-ish???? and will have little bits of tangerine and blueberry skin throughout.

Roll the completed dough into balls. It should make about ten large pops, but more if you make them smaller. 

Set the rolled balls onto a plate covered with wax paper, and add a cake pop skewer to each ball. Toothpicks would work too, I’m not one to judge. Even chopsticks might work if you really have no other options. 

Put the newly skewered balls in the freezer until they harden enough to withstand being dipped in hot frosting. While they cool, prepare that.

Melt the remaining cream cheese icing in the microwave. I put it in for about 45 seconds after ripping the label off the plastic container and it worked well. 

Add half a cup of your glaze into the icing and mix until they are fully combined. 

Once your cake pops have hardened, take them out of the freezer and dip them into the liquid frosting, returning them to their plate to cool. Once they’re all frosted, return the plate to the freezer until the frosting forms a shell around the cake pop.

When it comes time to enjoy your cake pops, remove them from the freezer and then cry, as you find that they’ve become very stuck to the wax paper and refuse to come off. Use a knife and your fingers to try to pry them off, only to smash them a little in the process. Even better, do this while the icing is still slightly tacky! It will make it all the more frustrating.

Then, viola! You have a cake and some cake pops to share with your divine ruler!

In Conclusion

This cake was an experience.

It’s hard to rate this, because I haven’t made any of the others yet, but I’m extremely sure that it will be at the back of the pack. I can only hope none of the others are as terrible as this one was. I give it a 3/10.

On the bright side, it was tasty. 

I like to think that this entire process is very reminiscent of Kai himself. It looks like a mess on the outside, and it’s a mess on the inside too. The only redeeming factor to both of them is that they’re yummy...

If I had to assign benign meaning to the actual parts of the cake, the blueberry glaze represents Kai’s awful blue dye job, while the tangerine cake is orange like the president he loves so much. A big thank you to @oublierlegarcon​ for giving me the idea of making this Kai’s cake. It’s extremely fitting

I have no clue who will come next, only time will tell, but I hope you enjoyed this disaster as much as I did. Until next time, goodbye!