#or B. hyperfixate on something else next week

[imflyingfish]

I want to play minecraft <- instead has played 5 hours of the sims 4 and has something important to do tomorrow

[sharkieboi]

Neverafter is absolutely eating my entire soul and has just fully reawakened my passion for fairy tales and so now im actually drawing and writing again to make a Neverafter OC based on Bluebeard’s wife

[trek-tracks]

hi.

I just wanted to say...I ended up landing back on your blog a while ago, following an ongoing TOS hyperfixation. it was the first time I'd looked at tumblr again in ages. and I happened to stumble across a post where you had left these tags--

and that, uh, absolutely floored me. like, when I say I didn't think anyone would notice I was gone, I don't mean that anyone did anything to make me think that--it's just, when you get a head full up with depression, it's real easy to convince yourself of things like that, you know? and you can do all kinds of positive thinking exercises to try to fight it, but actually having a concrete rebuttal come along and knock the whole narrative down is something else entirely.

it's a whole thing and I don't want to traumadump on you or anything. I just, uh, wanted to say thanks, I guess. also I now have a folder full of TOS text post memes saved, so thanks for that too.

I spent the past few days debating whether or not to answer this publicly, and please let me know if you'd rather I take it down. In the end, I think it's important that a) everyone knows I think you're awesome, and b) to send the message to everyone that more people care about you than you think. (Yes, you, reading this. I don't care what your brain says. You are important to people, even if you don't know it yet.)

I had no hope or expectation you would ever see those tags, and they are honest. You were one of my early friends on Tumblr, back when I was really seeing what this platform was all about. I loved your insights, I loved your jokes, and I always enjoyed our interactions. I saw that you were having a hard time, and I was definitely worried when you left. However, I didn't want to ask you to come back to a platform that was clearly draining to you, or be another expectation in a sea of expectations. I googled you a few times for my own peace of mind, but that's as far as it got. In this online world, sometimes it's hard to show we care without feeling awkward or overbearing.

Ultimately, though, the thing about this online world is that we also never completely disappear, especially if we interact with each other. Chains of posts and responses are snapshots of friendships, ephemera preserved in time. It's sad and fond and lovely all at once. Every once in a while, that past resurfaces, and we remember. Sometimes I wish we could know when someone is thinking about us, a little pinprick of warmth we could carry around, but maybe it'd get excessive and feel like heartburn.

I want anyone who follows this blog to know--if we're mutuals, or if you show up in my notifications every once in a while (because after my initial burst of following people I've become really remiss about adding mutuals, which is only a good thing because it would mean I'd spend even more time on Tumblr), I think about you, and I hope you're doing well. You matter.

When I say that I am thrilled that you're back and recovering, Rev, I mean it with my whole whole heart. It made my week. So often we don't get to read the next chapter of our online friends' lives, and thank you so much for updating us.

[vegaseatsass]

My Stand-In Episode 11

AUghhghhhh I can't believe next week is the last week of this series, what am I supposed to do with my life without it? (Meet You At The Blossom, you are my only hyperfixation hope)

I shan't talk about the end of the episode except to say that it feels right that Spiritual Master is the biggest MingJoe antishipper out there. Yes, he's been tirelessly advising this young master on his disastrous love life and its cosmic implications for three years, but that doesn't mean he's rooting for him or thinks the torturous time loop he's trapped everyone in is karmically sound!!!!

I also really can't get over the "every story that's not about a time loop is about a time loop" vibes of the scene too, how it was filmed, the way the master described the cycle they're in, all of it. Good stuff. But beyond that I'm zipping my lips I dare not even speculate on what is coming in episode 12.

What I do want to talk about is the Akarayota family!!

I think it is so brilliant that Ming's dad was kept fully offscreen and out of the picture until episode 10. It made him such an ominous, menacing figure. Like it seems obvious to me now that last episode, when Ing asked about telling his family and Ming said he needed to make sure it was the right time first, he was talking not about emotionally preparing himself or like, winning his family over, but about this blackmail scheme he needed to suck Mike into to "defeat" their father, which he always knew was the only option. Putting aside everything else in the Ming vs. Dad game of family ruthlessness chicken, at the end of this episode, this man was going to get his son killed in a way similar to how Ming got Joe killed: out of stubbornness, out of a refusal to believe long after he was shown that Ming would choose Joe not just over his family but over his own safety, out of a belief that he could control the situation and let Joe perish and lose nothing more than Ming's, like, will to live (but if you keep him locked in the house forever after, that won't matter, right?). You can just really see where Ming gets it from with this guy. I also have to wonder what the FUCK was going on in that household during Ming's childhood that a. the siblings are all so codependent b. Ming has learned to throw up on command c. Ming throwing up on command is something Mike has seen him do and treats as an old familiar trick.

So let's talk about the siblings! Ahhhh!!! My heart!!! When Mike first mentioned a promise, I was sure it was going to be a tit-for-tat trade where Mike owed Ming some kinda life debt (a la May saving Ming from drowning and getting pneumonia) that Ming was cashing in on. My guess was Ming had done some kind of monumental favor for Mike in their youth and Mike Owed him. But no no no! Mike's promise was made in the past three years and as far as we can see was simply borne of not wanting to see his brother in pain. I promise you, Ming, if Joe ever returns I'll do anything to help you be together, so please, for now, move on with your life. How fucking much does he love and prioritize Ming if that's a cash-in-on-able vow he'll break the law and fight their father over? How much of Mike's life is already spent cleaning up after Ming and shielding him? Again, what the fuck was going on in that household in his childhood that the oldest son in the family splits his time between business, Buddhism, and keeping his baby brother out of the line of fire? I had the thought that Ming could go to Mike for money to avoid their father, but Mike telling the loan shark "WE cannot get $500 million to you by tonight" without Ming even needing to ask him kind of said it all. Lowkey wondering if Ming is THE heir and Mike is a half-brother or illegitimate son of some kind since it does seem like the family wealth is concentrated in May and especially Ming's hands, even though Mike does nothing but work for this family lol. And May <3 I have a lot I'm mulling over in her relationship with Tong but the fact that she showed up just to shut down the line of familial manipulation that hinged on her womb was so badass. There's also something about Tong using "you chose your brother over me" as a DIVORCE JUSTIFICATION that makes me wonder if that was an ongoing conversation and threat in their relationship, that she had to prove again and again that she saw Tong as family as much as she did her beloved little brother... I do hope we see a little bit before the very end of Ming reciprocating his siblings' immense devotion to him (in ways other than "fled the country to hide that I was obsessed with your boyfriend's posterior", or tbh even gifting his perfect secretary to the brother who has always wanted him lol). But I am very compelled by what we've seen so far, that the Akarayota siblings consistently choose each other and shield each other from their powerful, terrible parents.

Last but not least, mama Akarayota! Love her writing! I love that the scene where she's accepting Joe and Mingjoe's love comes packaged with "oh yeah I was the one who destroyed your relationship with your mom teehee oops", and she doesn't even seem very sorry about it, she's just sooo happy that Joe passed her little test and loves her son and is making Ming happy and alive, and who really cares what happens to Joe's life or family. I love that she felt the urgency of Ming going to meet with the loan sharks in ways her husband didn't, but instead of working with her son or finding a way to pay the money her son-in-law owed, she just did the impulsive thoughtless rich person move of calling the cops, which escalated literally everything and missed getting Ming killed by a Joe-shaped hair. Why pay $500 million baht to criminals when you can rely on your power and the state? It's just such an automatic, instinctive, realistic choice for her to make and I love love love the consequences it came with. Basically I love that even though Ming's mother has the classic QL parent arc of moving from pressuring her son to marry women to warmly accepting that he loves a man, she does it with so much rich person violence and collateral damage along the way. There's a complexity and realism there I don't often see.

I also wanted to talk a little bit about Sol and how moving I found it that he uses "I can't get over you" as a way of connecting with Joe, empathizing with and accepting how obviously Joe is never going to get over Ming, and actually, finally letting him go. About how JOE FUCKING DYING AGAIN does in fact justify his frantic in-denial attempts to block Mingjoe a few episodes ago lol, but how beautiful it is that he was ready to let Joe go and make his own choices in this episode. About how much I wish Ming had!!! TURNED TO SOL!!!! FOR MONEY!!!! TO SAVE THE LIFE OF THE MAN THEY BOTH LOVED!!!! but that would I guess be even more of a drastic character change than Tong suddenly caring about his wife and unborn child lmao.

But I have to rewatch the episode with Laura now so we can both suffer so I will end the post here. Augh I love this series, I want it to be next Friday already I want to know what's going to happen but I also don't want it to end, augh augh augh

[saturn7162]

The invention.

What's up chat, I havn't even started the next part of the SU fic, but here's an original story that I wrote for my PT test two days ago.

For as long as he could remember, Leroy K. Johnson had always struggled with reading. Whenever he was assigned a book, or something else to read, he kept finding that it was nearly impossible to comprehend what the text said. The letters would squeeze together, grow or shrink, even if he knew that wasn’t happening. However, he was a great listener, with an even better memory. He’d sit listening to his friends' long and over-exaggerated stories or facts about their current hyperfixation. He was constantly engaged in their conversations, asking questions and nodding along. He was incredibly brilliant too, coming up with amazing solutions to common problems among his friend group. So, with all of these traits and abilities, he came up with the perfect idea to solve his reading problem.

He sat his friends down and shyly explained his new thoughts. He thought, if he couldn’t read, why not make something that could read for him?

“But, if someone else is reading for you, how will you learn?” asked his friend, Kenneth B. Clark, or Kenny, asked him, the tips of his ears twitching.

“Well, I thought that if I listen to a book, and follow along, I’ll learn what the words are saying.” Leroy responded sheepishly. So, the group of friends got to work.

Wayne I. Anthony, the youngest, brought a brand-new sketchbook to draw out the new invention. Zachary H. Franklin liked asking questions: Was it going to be big, was it going to be portable, how would we record books. Every day at school, the boys would sit together, and come up with idea after idea, after idea. They went from late 6th grade, to 7th, then early 8th. Wayne filled up sketchbooks, notebooks, notepads, anything he could get his hands on, and write.

One day, when the idea was fully fleshed out, another friend by the name of Tyrone A. Smith, or Ty, suggested they come over to his house, for he had a large garage full of parts and pieces they could use to build their prototype. That day, as soon as the dismissal bell rang, the boys sped out of their classes and raced over to the front gate. Leroy jumped on his bike, Kenny put on his skates, Wayne on his skateboard, Ty on his scooter, and Zach with his running shoes.

They made it to Tyrone’s house in 10 minutes, panting and sweating under the hot Kansas sun. Tyrone swung open the door, greeted his parents, and grabbed a few popsicles for his friends before he raced over to his garage. He opened the large garage doors and the warm afternoon light filled the garage, injecting the group with the want to work. 

On one side, sat two cars laying dormant, and on the other, was a full-fledged workshop. Half of the walls were lined with tool shelves, and the other was housing multiple manuals for all types of cars. In one corner was a blacksmithing area, Tyrone informed them that the area was completely off-limits. They laid down a tarp, set their bags on the corners, and got to work. Wayne dumped his bag onto the tarp, exposing sketchbooks, notebooks, laminated papers, and blueprints for their new invention.

They worked from 2:30 pm, to 9:03 pm. Their product was the outer shell. While it may not seem like it was a lot, it was a huge step forward. Week after week, they ran over to Tyrone’s house after school, and in early February, it was complete. 

A blue plastic shell with a metal casing around the corners. A battery slot on the back and a place to put their recorded books. There were stop and play buttons, volume buttons, and a button to open the lid to the tape inserter. They carefully set it in Leroy’s bag and raced off to his house. Leroy slammed open his front door, grabbed a short book from his living room, raced up the stairs, and skidded to a halt at his mother’s bedroom door. He pounded on the wood, trying to rouse his mother from whatever she was doing. The door swung open and his mother looked down at them in irritation, which turned to shock at the sight of the slightly unkempt and dirty boys. Before she could get a word in, Leroy fished the device out from his bag and shoved it in her face along with the book.

“Hi mom! We finished the recorder! It can play music, and, and, and!!” He said eagerly, eyes shining brightly. 

“Please let us record you reading it, miss Leroy’s Mom Johnson!!” Said the burly Zach. Ms. Johnson grimaced but nodded her head. 

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt. Go downstairs to the living room. And take off those shoes.” She gestured to their feet which, sure enough, were clad in their dirty sneakers, converse, and boots. They fled back downstairs at the speed of light and tossed their shoes by the door, exposing their paws in soft socks. They sped over to the living room and crowded around a large blue rocking chair. Ms. Johnson came down the stairs, holding onto the railing and the record and book. She sat in the chair with the book in her lap and the recorder by her snout, and began to read. 

The boys looked up in amazement as she read, spinning a tale for twenty minutes. Once she was finished, she closed the book and stood up quickly, stopping the recording and giving it back to the boys.

 “There you are, Lee” She smiled as he took it. 

“I’m going to go make dinner, you boys are welcome to stay if you like.” She suggested and walked to the kitchen, tail swishing behind her. The group looked at each other as Wayne rewound the tape. He pressed play as he gave it back and all was silent. Nobody said anything, Zach stopped breathing all together, and soon the recording began to play. Ms. Johnson’s voice came through the tape softly and the boys cheered. 

The boys were elated, and with this invention, Leroy found it much easier to read. They never stopped making inventions and whenever one of the boys had a problem, they used their combined skills to solve it. With Leroy’s ideas, Kenneth’s curiosity, Wayne’s art and design skills, Zach’s strength, and Tyrone’s garage, they made an incredible team. 

[noperopesaredope]

SvtFoE Rhombulus Rewrite (Pt. 5)

Me: *Falls from the ceiling and onto to floor*

Me: “Hey my amazing Chimeras, it’s been a hot minute, huh? About...” *Checks calender before ripping it up* “......at least a day.”

Sorry I’ve been gone for so long. I wrote the first few parts a while back during a week or so long hyperfixation spree before hopping to something else. But I’m mostly back now! Still might take a bit to get some of the other parts out, since planning the episodes out has been a bit of a challenge, and that will also be the case for the other parts. But I’m gonna try my best because I legitimately like this AU I’ve created and feel that the people who enjoy it deserve an ending. I can’t just create a character arc and not go through with it, after all! *Side-eyes the OG show*

So, this is Part 2 of Season 4 for my Rhombulus Rewrite! Thank you so much to everyone who has liked, reblogged, and followed along with all my past posts describing this AU thus far. If you do enjoy this AU, then please remember to like all of those posts! Now, I need to explain something important before getting on with the rest of this thing: I have two potential endings for Season 4 in my Rhombulus rewrite. That’s why I will be making a Part 6, which will have one of the alternate endings (this ending I have dubbed “Closest to Canon”), and then a Part 7, which will have the other, slightly more fun and good ending (this ending has been dubbed “Canon is My B*tch Now”). This post will be a continuation of the previous one, but the endings will split off at “Mama Star”. Hope you enjoy this part!

Season 4 (Part 2):

- So I forgot to add something important to my last part of the rewrite. Well, okay, the particular episode isn’t all that important, but the part I’m adding might be a bit important. So, as I said in my last post, in “Between a Rock and a Hard Place” (an episode that I made), it is revealed the the MHC basically want Rhombulus to spy on Eclipsa, so I decided to add some stuff to actually show that a bit, starting with “The Ponyhead Show!”

- Rhombulus might offer to host a small segment on the show as an excuse to follow Eclipsa around. In the background during certain scenes, we might be able to see Rhombulus hiding behind things or sneakily taking notes during Eclipsa scenes. He’ll also seem a bit nervous around he, probably due to feeling guilty about spying on her.

- Back to the actually ones that I should be talking about.

- I was not planning to add Rhombulus into “Cornball!”, but oh my god, I’m so glad I did. This isn’t even really gonna be a Rhombulus episode, but it’s gonna have some stuff for him in it. First off, he decides to check out the cornball match because 1) Star asked if he wanted to come and he had nothing else to do, 2) he really likes cornball, and 3) he was curious to see how this Monster-Mewman intergrated teams cornball match would go. He realizes he doesn’t really have a strong understanding of Monster-Mewman relations and wants to learn more about the whole mess, especially since he and the MHC are so highly involved in it.

- Rhombulus tries to find a seat, but some monsters recognize him and choose to avoid him. He then tries to sit near some Mewmans, but is not fully recognized and is seen as a monster. This is the first time Rhombulus has ever fully experienced what it’s like to be a monster in Mewni, and it shakes him a bit at how cold and even cruel Mewmans can be. This whole sequence is done without Rhombulus ever saying a word.

- He decides to just sit somewhere by himself behind the statium, when a small monster girl appears next to him and compliments his snake tails, saying they look cool. Rhombulus awkwardly thanks her, and compliments her tail as well.

- He then asks where the kid’s parents are (as this child is extremely small and should not be alone). The child casually responds that her mama is dead. This is a very awkward thing to hear, so Rhombulus carefully asks where her dad is. The child says “he got crystalized. I haven’t seen him in years, and I’m pretty sure I’m never gonna see him again. I miss him a lot.”

- Rhombulus softly asks why her dad got crystalized. She says that she doesn’t know. She and her auntie tried to find out, but they were denied. But whatever it was, she knows her papa is innocent, and someday, she’ll save him.

- This is important. Very, very important.

- One important thing about Rhombulus is that since he represents childhood, he is really great at getting along with little kids. So he asks if she wants to do something else besides sit around.

- The little girl jumps up at this, and she takes him over to meet her friends, who are joining in on the match. She asks if he wants to play too. Rhombulus says he’d rather just watch, but that he’ll cheer her on. She nods and runs off to join the game.

- As he watches the kids play, Star might ask Rhombulus what he thinks of all this. He pauses a moment before saying “kids are wiser than adults, aren’t they?” Star agrees.

- Before he leaves, Rhombulus asks the little girl what her name is, and she says that her name is Alita. He asks her what her dad looks like, and she tells him. Rhombulus then tells Alita that he knows the guy who crystalizes people, and maybe he can talk to him and see if they can let her dad go. Alita asks him to promise he’ll get her papa home as soon as possible if he gets freed. He pinky swears, and they part ways. This will come up again later.

- So I included Reynaldo in my all new original episode; “Between a Rock and a Hard Place”. And because he’s in “Meteora’s Lesson”, I might as well talk a bit about that. There is a chance Reynaldo will mention that Rhombulus visited, which Glossaryck will only barely react to, saying that he’s not surprised. Reynaldo also mentions that it’d be nice if Glossaryck came to visit him every once in a while, but Glossaryck basically waves it off. :(

- Rhombulus and Star will not get into a fight during “Junkin Janna”, and Rhombulus will actually appear to feel bad for wasting Star and Eclipsa’s time, and won’t be accusatory towards Eclipsa. So that’s that episode.

- I also decided to add a change that is both major and minor, because as you will see this season, I am changing more than just Rhombulus. Sure, I’m not gonna change everything that I don’t like about Season 4 or feel like they should have changed, but I decided to use this opprotunity to make a few things just a little bit better in my eye.

- This is that change: Kelly and Marco will not break up. Now, I will explain this decision more in my rewriting of the climax/finale, but I just want to stop the shipping drama and change things up a bit, as well as make most fans a bit happier in the process. Kelly was done dirty and deserves better. Starco ended up being a mess and it ended up ruining the impact of the finale for me. So I decided, why not just keep Kelco together?

- The next episode Rhombulus appears in is the extremely important “Cornonation” of course! Now, for this episode, a lot of things will stay the same and a lot of things will be different, particularly the ending.

- While the first half of the episode will remain mostly the same, little details all throughout it will be different.

- First off, Rhombulus won’t get very accusatory of Eclipsa. In fact, he might at some point take the rest of the MHC aside to try and convince them that Eclipsa is innocent. Hekapoo says that there is no way she isn’t the one who did it. Rhombulus swears that he’s been keeping an eye on her the whole day, and at no point did he see Eclipsa try to free Globgor.

- Hekapoo insists that there are no other person it could possibly be, so they will still need to keep an eye on her, which Rhombulus is very reluctant about.

- While guarding her, Rhombulus (while stroking his tails and looking away no less🤔) tells Eclipsa that, for the record, he thinks she’s innocent. She looks at him a bit funny, but thanks him. He also lets Star talk to Eclipsa alone with no questions asked.

- When Star comes back with Globgor, Rhombulus looks kinda nervous and afraid. Rather than Rhombulus proudly declaring that he will crystalize Globgor, Omni will prompt Rhombulus to perform the crystalization process, which he will be slightly reluctant about.

- While Eclipsa and Globgor see each other again and have that cute moment, Hekapoo will say “all right, enough stalling. Rhombulus, crystalize her.” Rhombulus will panic for a second, before starting to crystalize her, causing Globgor to break out, and the whole fight thing will ensue, with all that stuff being mostly the same.

- When Globgor says that the MHC can crystalize him, as long as they let his family go, Rhombulus will hesitate at this, clearly conflicted, before slowly aiming at Globgor. That’s when River inturrupts and makes the whole small speech about being a dad.

- Omni and Hekapoo protest this, saying that Eclipsa needs to be imprisoned for her crimes. But, in a surprising turn of events, Rhombulus speaks up against this, saying that the MHC (including himself) are pretty bad judges, and probably shouldn’t have a say in this. Plus, he’s pretty sure Eclipsa didn’t do it.

- Omni says that it is their duty to imprison the couple, but Rhombulus reminds them that actually, that’s RHOMBULUS’S job, and only he has the power to crystalize people. And he refuses to use it on them without at least giving them a fair trial or something like that.

- Everyone is slightly shooketh, and there is a pause until Eclipsa suggests letting the people decide. Then the whole scene plays out mostly the same, and it all pretty much works out. Omni and Hekapoo are a little moody about it, but accept this.

- After the cornonation, Globgor approaches Rhombulus in private room away from prying ears to ask him a small, simple question: “Why did you free me?” Rhombulus nervously chuckles, asking if he meant why he didn’t recrystalize him during the Cornonation.

- Globgor says no, and that Rhombulus knows what he really means. Rhombulus denies this at first, but he’s never really been good at lying, and Globgor pushes him into confessing that yes, he was the one to set free Globgor at the Monster Temple.

- Rhombulus admits he’s made mistakes in the past, and there’s probably a lot of people he unjustly imprisoned. He realized this recently and felt really bad about it, and because of his impulsive nature, while standing in the Monster Temple, without thinking, he decided to free Globgor. What was the worst that could happen? As soon as Globgor stormed off, Rhombulus immediately began to regret his decision, but didn’t know what to do about it. So he didn’t say anything.

- Globgor understands this, and thanks him for reuniting him with his family, even if it all ended up a little messy.

- I’m not exactly sure how to end “Cornonation”, but pretend I wrote down a good ending to the episode. Maybe some Mina foreshadowing or something. I’m such a good writer. Totally not just telling people to finish the rest themselves. Amazing. Fantastic. I’ll win all the awards.

- Instead of “Britta’s Tacos”, we should have gotten an episode centered around Tom and his trip, which will explain his decision to break up with Star. Wouldn’t come to the conclusion that he should break up with her, but would come to the conclusions that lead up to him choosing to break up with her. I’d like an episode like that. But I’m not gonna write it down, because I feel like someone else should do it. Still, pretend that in this AU, that episode exists.

- Sidenote: The B-Plot to that episode would be Marco coming back to Earth to introduce Kelly to his family, and maybe Star comes along? During that, we can catch up with the characters we left behind on Earth. The joke about Mariposa being a Starco baby will not happen, because ew wtf.

- “Gone Baby Gone” is a cute episode. But it is also expendable. Which is why I shall be replacing it with a different wholesome episode centered around Rhombulus character growth and also Alita. I’m not sorry.

- This new episode is called “Crystal Children”. The synopsis for this episode would probably be “Rhombulus follows through on a promise.” That’s basically the episode in a way. But it’s also so much more than that. It’s the near completion of his whole arc up to this point.

- We start out with Rhombulus talking rapidly in front of a bulletin board that looks more like a conspiracy theorist board. He is talking about ways they could change the justice system in Mewni. This part is a bit short, but very rambling and slightly confusing. He finally says, “so, watcha think?” and we cut to Hekapoo and Omni, who are sitting on chairs as his audience. There is a pause before Hekapoo says “no” while Omni says “absolutely not.” Rhombulus, clearly devestated, exclaims “WHAT?! But why!?!”

- Omni states that Mewni’s current system works perfectly fine, and there is no point in overcomplicating things and changing it. Hekapoo agrees, and Rhombulus is forced to pack up and go home.

- In the next scene, Rhombulus sitting in his lair and looking around at all the frozen monsters, which he feels bad about. He sighs and says “I wish I could free you guys. Then I could make up for everything.” He sits there for a few seconds before popping up and exclaiming “wait! I control the crystals! I can do whatever I want!” He runs over to a crystal and is about to unfreeze it when one of his snakes holds him back and reminds him that it’s probably a bad idea to just randomly unfreeze anyone, and he needs to think more carefully.

- They decide to instead freeze someone that they are much more sure isn’t evil. Rhombulus remembers Anita, and goes to look for her dad. He wanders around the lair for a bit before spotting him. Anita’s dad is admittedly pretty scary looking, and there is a moment where Rhombulus questions if this is really her dad. But he checks around, and it really is him. Rhombulus then has a moment of unsurety about freeing Anita’s dad, but he gathers his resolve and does it anyways.

- Anita’s dad wakes up in flight mode and immediately begins to scramble away from Rhombulus, who is also caught off guard. But Rhombulus manages to calm him down, and explains that he is taking him back to his daughter again.

- They then have a little escape adventure thing together (IDK I don’t have a full plan for this episode and really just wanted to get this post out) in which Rhombulus learns more about monsters and Anita’s dad (who will be named Crelin) learns about Rhombulus.

- It ends with Anita and Crelin being reunited, and Anita thanks Rhombulus for doing the right thing.

So that’s the end of this part! Hopefully my next part will come out soon!

[syoish-aot]

Hi, no rush or anything 😁 I was wondering if you know roughly when the next part of I found you too sequel is coming (I love the book soo much) I do know earlier you said you were suffering from writers block and I wanted you to know you shld still take your time and (although I may be one person) I love your work and what your doing is honestly amazing💞💞 (tbh it's rlly impressive writing a whole book I have so many ideas but can't even complete a whole page yet I've got it planned out so what you do is literally unreal😭❤️❤️)

I wish wish wish WISH I had a good idea of when the next part would come out but I honestly have no idea at all!!

My brain is so weird when it comes to---

*sudden realization that I forgot to take my meds this morning* one sec

ANYWAY - like I was saying: because of my ADHD writing is a very "come and go" kinda process for me. I'll have a few weeks of INTENSE motivation for a specific project and then I'll go crazy stupid working on it (which is how I wrote 30k of that fic in a 2 week span) but then in the blink of an eye that motivation is completely gone or switched to another project.

Unfortunately, unless I'm feeling that brain buzzing, vyvanse enhanced, knees weak sensation of extreme hyperfixation - I can't write a single word.

And if I do it's either a) shit or b) I hate it so much that it makes me never want to write again.

All I know is that I will FOR SURE finish the fic eventually!

The only reason I wouldn't is if I jump fandom, which I don't see happening anytime soon (especially because I'm refusing to let myself watch any new shows out of the fear that I'll latch onto something else and my AoT spark will disappear).

I have the rest of the fic planned and the majority of the next chapter already written, but I've kinda shifted my focus to my Jean/OC fic "The Letters She Wrote" since that's where I'm feeling that ADHD motivation right now. Which also explains why I haven't been as active on tumblr (the insta community is more OCxCC inclined, whereas tumblr seems to be more into xreader fics, so I'm normally more active on whichever platform my current hyperfixation project would get the most engagement).

Honestly though, asks like this really motivate me!

Like you already mentioned, I was having some really shit writer's block recently and I couldn't work on ANY of my projects, but then I made a friend on insta who started reading Letters and she was commenting on every chapter, once she caught up with the fic I was so motivated to write that I wrote almost five pages last night between clients at work.

I do write for me and for the sake of getting an idea out of my head and onto the screen, but it's also really validating to know that people enjoy and look forward to the things I work on.

As far as your comment on how you struggle to write, even when you have a plan, my biggest advice is this:

Don't start at the beginning. Start with the scene that you're the most excited for and go from there. The first scene I wrote for I Found You was the scene where Eren and MC are dancing in chapter 8 and then I worked backwards.

[artknifeandglue]

Hit a tiny lifelong milestone today!

It got me thinking - I used to write fic in a very active fandom with friends and big bangs, and then I stopped all fandom for a bit and ended up getting back in nearly ten years later. I always kind of accepted that yeah maybe no one's going to read the things I write, but there's a story I want to tell and so I'm going to tell it?

ngl I want to pitch some of the decade-old fics out the window and off the internet, but every so often someone happens upon them and leaves kudos on a story from some time ago. When that happens, it always makes me think of the joy of writing and completing the story I wanted to tell, and it makes me happy to know that there's someone out there who had something to read that they might have enjoyed.

There's "write for the sake of writing" and "write because you have a story you want to tell", and there's also "I'm really, really glad that someone else is also interested in this story that I wanted to tell". It's sort of mindblowing to think that a thousand people - I see a thousand people every morning 200 days a year, that's an entire school where I am, holy shit - took a couple of seconds out of their day to go hey I liked this, thanks! to a stranger they'll probably never meet.

Thank you fandom friends past and present (especially @lovingherwasgay and @toleranza-zero, the beta readers I had the fortune of working with!!), commenters all who leave the kindest words on every chapter and piece, readers who took the time to go through the piece, and everyone who's ever bothered clicking. 💕 I'm always up for talking and making new friends, so pop by DMs/asks anytime!

This is probably an excellent time to talk WIPs and statuses of ongoing projects, for anyone interested. List and musings below:

shadows, shadows took a backseat for a while for a couple of reasons: I hit a sudden dearth of inspiration and needed to relook how I plan, write, and publish to make sure I could keep going; my mental health took priority due to some things going on at work (I'm better now!) and my attention got pulled away from fic for a couple of weeks; I changed workplaces and then stopped writing for a month or two while I settled in; lastly, around the time that all of this happened, I started on a WIP that stayed a WIP for a few months, and then I embarked on Camp NaNoWriMo in July and my plans to write shadows, shadows went out the window for a few months (more details in next point!). Still, I fully intend to continue it - there are half-written scenes and plot outlines and side characters that I thoroughly enjoy writing. It might take a while longer, but it hasn't been abandoned. I'm pretty excited to go back to it!

as shattered stars shine technically doesn't count as a WIP given that it's finished, but it's on a publishing schedule and I really wanna talk about it because it's the work that pulled my attention away from shadows, shadows HAHAHA this started as a very simple "I have been inspired by a song!" but then I thought "hey what if we took Trope A and put it together with Trope B?". I started it sometime around end-April and it lay fallow for a little bit, and then Camp NaNoWriMo happened. What resulted was a small 5000-word piece abruptly became 26230 words, I suddenly realised there was a lot more story to tell, and the intensity of this piece unexpectedly ratcheted the mental capacity required up from inspiration to borderline-hyperfixation. I spent pretty much every waking moment from July to November either writing this piece or thinking about this piece until it was finally finished at the end of November, and then nearly all of December STILL thinking about it. I'm pretty proud of the piece and REALLY happy to have worked with my two wonderfully kind and helpful beta readers, and it's one of the pieces I'm proud to have finished and to have started posting.

presently untitled Kingsman coffee house AU happened while I was overseas and stumbled upon the New York Café in Budapest, known as one of the most beautiful cafés in the world. In keeping with the long tradition of writers and artists hanging out and working in European coffee houses, I started writing something while there. This is somewhat a reaction to as shattered stars shine and the process of writing it - every work I've written since November 2022 has been high-stakes and emotionally fraught in various ways, and as shattered stars shine is in many ways the culmination of all of that. I decided that I wanted to return to the good old coffeeshop AU with its minimal stakes and general happy vibes, and so this is born! It's still in bits and pieces, but I'm hoping I figure out what to do with it because it'll be nice to write something in which no one dies or gets hurt.

barista of the year (not Kingsman) is a WIP that's been on hold since February. Sorry! There's a really simple explanation for this: Kingsman and Hartwin took over my life, and hitherto-unexplored fandom is always shinier and more attention-grabbing than writing for a pairing in which I account for a double-digit proportion of the AO3 tag. I do want to get back to it eventually! It's my first coffee shop AU, and the fun I had writing the low-stakes everyday adventures of barista and dying PhD student pretty much laid the foundations for the above coffee house AU.

other miscellaneous WIPs: they're all Kingsman and they have maybe a couple of sentences / less than 1000 words, but I've got documents open for a Hunger Games AU and a reincarnation AU. Genuinely no clue if I can make anything of them, but we'll see how it goes.

That's it!

[angeloncewas]

dont wanna make this ask long bc i am tired and dont have the energy to be a well spoken (?) person rn but it probably will be long anyways, so sorry!! but like. as somebody who has hyperfixated on both idubbbz and schlatt (along with a plethora of other problematic content creators, i really know how to fuckn pick em!!) they absolutely foster a dogshit community, at least outside of platforms like tumblr, where like. you cant really avoid fandom culture like you can on twitter or ig, if that makes sense. on here, if you wanna post about your favorite youtuber, whether you tag it or not, other fans will likely see and if you say some bad shit, you will likely get called on it, whereas on ig basically only your followers will see it even if you use a hashtag and on twitter its like if you arent in a subtwt/fandom then you basically dont interact with any subtwt at all unless its an accident, ya know?

so like. i think what im trying to say here is that while ive met a lot of fans of both these creators, especially schlatt, who are great people as far as i can tell, i am also specifically on the fandom side of things and as soon as i step out of that space i realize that a lot of people who watch them are not actually minorities like me and my mutuals who can catch on to satire or who watch their more behind the scenes stuff where you can see them act like a decent person or even call out people for the things they usually joke about which just. fucking sucks. it sucks that, as much as i do believe schlatt is actually a good person (and sort of idubbbz, although i dont really watch him much anymore for a plethora of reasons, mostly related to the fact that i cant stand his jokes anymore even if he is playing a character as he's said before), he also keeps doing terrible fucking things and im really glad his actual friends have been calling him on it recently, especially after that jackbox video (which is a whole other thing on its own bc it literally seemed like nobody wanted to be there basically the entire video?? like as somebody who watched all the jackbox videos before that one, it was really fucking off in that call and the jokes were next level fucking upsetting), but sometimes it's just kinda like. exhausting. bc his community is already fucking bad now, you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that, which would be stupid to do at this point in his career. not really sure where i was going with this tbh, but i thought i would chime in on this discussion as a viewer of mainly schlatt, but also a past idubbbz viewer who is basically a seasoned fucking vet at dealing with shitty fanbases because of him and many other dumb youtube white boys

(also, note on that anisa thing: ian's main fanbase was definitely pissed just bc she does sex work and a lot of them are too fucking young or just too fucking dense i guess to clock the fact that he's putting on an act bc, like i said before, they either dont watch his behind the scenes content, or they do and they kinda just miss those moments between still trying to entertain where he gets genuine. that being said, a lot of people outside of his fanbase were also pissy bc anisa is a less than spectacular lady if you really do your research on her, kind of a bad person but it's not something a lot of people know about, especially since one of the few videos made on it was by fucking creepshow art)

sorry for the rant again, i feel like i do this every other week now and i apologize, you just seem to have the best discourse and i enjoy partaking <3 hope you have a good rest of your day/night/whatever time you're reading this!

—🦷

Thank you for the input (don't mind the rant !) and I hope you have a good rest of your day too <3 For post length, I'll answer under the cut :)

Yeah, I get what you mean (I think ahdsufsd). Fandom as a concept is pretty... I don't even know how to describe it, but it's the kind of thing that I feel like white male Redditors would think of as pussy shit, y'know? Like the Ricegum gang isn't a fucking "fandom" they're a... well, a fandom, but they're not gonna admit to that. So when you step outside of a community like Tumblr (the queerest place on the internet TM) you come into contact with the faces of the fandom you're dealing with and oftentimes they're a lot less like you than you might've thought from the similar interest. It's like going to a Weezer concert and realizing you're surrounded by incels (this is a JOKE).

Satire's a rough topic because some people don't think it should exist at all. Like any words that can be directly interpreted as bigoted or problematic should not be uttered. I disagree with that, I think it's one of the most interesting forms of both social commentary and comedy, but I do see the problem. There are people who watched Filthy Frank (to take an example from that other anon) and didn't know or care what the point of his actions were (I don't know what they were tbh - I never watched him, but it sounds like he's a pretty decent dude) and instead read his jokes as-is. There are thousands upon thousands of people who aren't gonna get satire and that's a problem because if they're already bigoted they're gonna see people like Schlatt and iDubbz and whoever else as truly validating.

(Largely unrelated but yo, is iDubbz still going? Are the views alright? Is the adsense popping? Has he just kept going with Content Cops? I haven't heard about him since the girlfriend thing dropped.)

"you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that"

I think this is what's pertinent when it comes to discussing Schlatt. After the Jackbox video (for me at least, he might've been there before) he put himself at a crossroads. If he'd apologized, said "sorry, I took it too far, that was a mistake" - yeah, plenty of people wouldn't have forgiven him and plenty of bigoted fans of his would've said that the apology was just to placate the snowflakes on Twitter, but to the sort of in-between people it would've shown that he's able to recognize and reconcile his mistakes. He could've transitioned into content that's A) actually good (when I say that the video was bad I don't just mean in terms of racism, I mean it straight up was not entertaining) and B) less "edgy" for the sake of. I wouldn't expect him to go uwu squeaky clean, but he's already reeled in the bad people, so if he really wanted to foster a good, progressive audience, he has to do something significant to show that.

But he didn't.

Maybe for the sake of his career, maybe because he likes those bigoted fans, maybe because he just doesn't get it - I don't know. I don't think we'll ever know. I spoke earlier about doing what is right over what is easy and in the case of Schlatt it just feels like he really did take the easy way out. Whoever he is in his personal life doesn't change how he's perceived online and the kinds of people that are idolizing him for it.

(And yeah I saw the video on Anisa when I Googled her to check if they were still dating, but then I saw who it was made by and I was like oh well whatever avhfdfkj)

[og-danny-dorito]

Hellboy Headcanons

it's MY blog and I get to choose the hyperfixation (also it’s yearning hours)

S F W :

- big man big man big man big man big man b

- i love big man v much, and let me tell u smthn it's not for no reason

- so, let's just get a few things straight, the dude is canonically 7 feet tall, meaning that he towers over pretty much anyone. on top of that's he's got horns, a tail, a big ass rock hand thing, and on top of it all a fiery temper. at this you may be asking yourself “danny, if the man hasn't like no redeemable qualities why do you like him so much?” unless you're here because you ALSO like him and know he has a lot of them. let me explain

- so let me start off with some simple facts; he LOVES cats. he loves cats so much so that he actually has a fuckton of them, as seen in the first and second movies (not the one directed by david harbor because i'm not even going to look in that general direction)

- in fact, he loves cats so much that he probably wants to go to a cat café. the issue is that his hulking figure would probably scare away any other patrons at the cafés, so sadly he can't go. as an alternative he just has a whole lot of cats. a lot of the time he'll find himself taking pity on the cats on the street and thus leaving out cans of tuna or cat food in places he might frequent

- he also has a pajama set with cats printed on them but NEVER tell him that it's cute or he may not make eye contact with you for a week

- ah, on that subject matter, he actually gets flustered pretty easily. the only issue is that it's not easy to tell when he does, and when he allows himself to feel like that. it's usually when he's sitting in his room and not really thinking about much of anything (aka: relaxed)

- you can tell by how his face somehow turns a slightly darker shade of red, and the frown and gruff grunt he gives as a response imply an almost evasive nature. he doesn't get how you can say something so innocent about him of all people, but regardless it makes him feel a little bit a somethin

- i know he LOOKS like he will crush your skull, but he's a huge softie. yeah, he comes back to the BPRD base looking like he just fought god bare handed and butt ass naked, but that doesn't mean he's a huge meanie. in FACT, if he really does like you that much he's probably going to treat you like the exact opposite of his stereotype

- he tends to be attracted to anyone who can make him laugh, which is pretty easy considering his biggest weakness is puns. yes, you read that correctly, puns

- catch this dude loosing his shit because you walked in to his room, saw his cats piled up on his torso to absorb his body heat, and said “Wow, looks like you've got a MEOWntain on you, Red.” seriously he won't be able to breathe for a good few seconds

- his laugh is pretty hearty and rumbles in his chest like a washing machine on spin cycle, ending with a dry heave. if you've cracked him up that much he will snort. tiny little piggy snort. and then deny it directly afterwards like a big baby

- he himself is a pretty funny dude, the only issue is that he's selectively funny. usually when he's relaxed and just chillin out he finds himself cracking more jokes than he normally would. making someone he likes laugh motivates him to make more jokes, especially if their laughter is contagious. seriously, he's weak against funny laughs he can't MAKE himself NOT laugh if you sound like a dying horse when you laugh

- he's also pretty affected by other people’s moods even though like 90% of the time he feels shitty. if you're in a good mood then he can't help but feel a little bit better. the positiivty is contagious and not even hellboy can resist it

- thus why he can't for the life of him resist any ounce of cuteness or innocence or impenetrable positivity. like, he just can't help but feel the immediate need to protect

- yeah he likes goth chicks (have you SEEN liz) but have you ever walked around with a literal ray of sunshine glued to your hip? cause big man can't handle the amount of joy it brings him to have someone so happy all the time next to him. it just,,, makes him weak

- that and he's a huge dummy for anyone who's smaller than average but also tends to be fiery and hotheaded like him

- like he doesn't even have a “type” appearance wise but catch him falling head over heels for a positive, firey, and outright goofy person to match his dry and dull attitude towards most things

- he tries to act like he's above it, but the man likes cute stuff. even when he gets caught red-handed petting a litter of kittens he'll just be like “what? never seen a demon before?” and continue with his activities

- if you do end up being his s/o you may very well be the person who has to take care of his wounds because he barely trusts anyone in the med bay to take care of him without trying to experiment or take weird samples without his knowing. that said, he really hates going to the doctor

- you'd be susprized how uncomfortable it makes him, really. so you're probably the one to actually make sure he doesn't fucking die

- it's rare he'll come from work unscathed. in fact, a good portion of the time there's a new scar to add to the count. when asked he'll play it off with some dry humor, barely addressing the fact that his muscles ache like hell and his joints are killing him. you'll have to pressure him into letting you take care of him, which results in a pout and grumbles of protest as he removes his shirt. if he has any injuries near his thighs he'll probably be really hesitant to let you take care of them until you've been with each other for like a month or so

- that and he lowkey would die of embarrassment if you were trying to tend to his thigh wounds and just saw how HUNG he is but i'm gonna save that content for possible NSFW headcanons in the future

- mans super gentle with his s/o, like SUPER gentle. he doesn't want to hurt them, honestly, and just leaving a small bruise from getting frisky or play fighting makes him feel like a fucking monster. in fact, it makes his self-esteem issues worse. he might not touch you for a while if you happen to get a particularly bad injury, on or off the field (implying that you work at the BPRD- if you don't he still feels like shit)

- which means that he probably would like some validation if he does start to feel like complete shit. his skin is thick from his experience over the years, but shit still happens and it always will. he's reminded every day that he doesn't deserve you just by seeing your visual differences. he knows he's a danger to you and the people around him, and it makes him want to avoid everyone. but some gentle words of affirmation and kisses all over make him feel 10x better. it isn't hard to get him out of a funk if he knows you love him too much to find disgust in him

- he doesn't seem very affectionate, but once he knows it's okay to touch up on his s/o like it's no tomorrow he will most definitely release all his touch-starved cravings and be attatched to you all the fucking time

- he's pretty much always holding your hand (although his hands are pretty big so he might just resort to having your and in his without linking fingers) or got his arm around you or, his favorite, having you sit in his lap. he tends to be pretty up close and personal with you if you're all about it

- the only real problems i can see with this are personal distaste or maybe the fact that he's a walking space heater. seriously, hellboy is quite literally hot as hell regardless of the environment, and turns his heater up crazy high. he thrives best in the heat and remains pretty much unaffected by all temperatures. he hates the cold because it makes the tips of his tail and ears cold, but that's pretty much all it does

- you could be in a freezer and the most discomfort he'll feel is that his ears are like a little 👌🏼 bit cold

- so yes, space heater, and it's great if you live in heat like he does. sleeping with him means you'll never get cold again, and since he takes up a lot of space in his bed it's very likely that you'll be sleeping on top of him or at least somewhat touching him. so win win for him, obviously

- he also likes to crank the heater up because it causes you to shed more clothes, probably leaving you in a tank top and shorts while a sheen of sweat forms on your skin and your hair sticks to your face. and if that ain't hot, he doesn't know what is (pun intended). he'll put it down if you ask him to though, begrudgingly. he just likes seeing you breathless is all- ow, don't punch his arm like that

- god forbid anyone look at you like that though. you're wearing something mildly revealing? hell no. there are some bad people out there with even worse intentions and he is not letting some asshole look at you like you're a piece of meat at a butcher's shop

- so obviously he's a bit jealous. well, he's actually a lot jealous, but he won't admit it. just like he won't admit that he was about to kill the guy that catcalled you while you were walking down the street. or that he glared down at the person chatting casually to you about your dress. or that he- you get the picture. he's very protective of you and wants everyone else to know, although it may be because of an inherent self-doubt that says you might leave him

- maybe one day you'll see that you've been dating a demon all this time and be horrified and scared of him, leaving him in the dust for good. it's probably best for you, he thinks, but you'd never do that...right?

- regardless, he's protective of you and thus gets jealous easily. one way to tell is that he tends to become somehow even more attached to you with the person in question nearby. if it gets bad enough he'll just scoop you up and leave, no questions asked. maybe for the sake of your pride and protecting your embarrassment he'll make up some excuse, but as soon as you can tell that he's following you around like a lost puppy it's clear to see that something is up

- if he's getting particularly annoyed though or just wants to tease you, he'll slide his tail up your leg and watch you squeak and jump until pretending he did nothing wrong. the only real way to one-up this is to pinch the head of his tail softly and watch him tense up and give you a look of betrayal because he's crazy sensitive there and gets super unscrewed if you mess with him like that

- of course, looking at him innocently and letting him go once he finally retaliates is always entertaining enough to do again. it may even become a competition between you two to see who looses it and gives out the quickest (spoiler: you're probably going to loose if your relationship is sexual- dude knows his way around the human body and WILL use it against you)

- but it's kind of cute how much he craves your attention, considering it seems he'll do anything to get you to stay by him most of the time. he hates being apart from you and hates knowing you could get hurt at the same time, so it's very likely that you'll have protection wherever you go (if you're in his line of work though he may consider making you his partner, but when he brings this up to Abe the fish man automatically is baffled that a person could bring this kind of reaction out of his stoic and dry-humored friend)

- now for my FAVORITE part; Miscellaneous Headcanons :

   he finds it hot as fuck when you wield weapons of any kind. like yeah you might be his soft precious angel and no one is allowed to touch you but him, but seeing you with a weapon of any sort makes him think about things he's guilty to even know to have though

  oh i forgot to add that he's probably pansexual but is more attracted to feminine body types. doesn't mean he won't fuck someone with a dick, but it does mean that he's a big dom and he likes tiny feminine figures so he's more well-rounded and comfortable with women

   calls you pet names all the time, including Doll, Kitten, Darlin, Sweet-cheeks, and maybe a shorter version of your name or a play at one of your defining traits (for instance, if your hair is red he might call you Little Red as a joke cause he's Big Red ahaha size joke funnyyyy). calling him a nickname in turn that isn't one of the usual like Sweetheart or Honey Bunches gets him blushing like he's got a fever. don't mention that to him though, or he'll get even more flustered (or do, your choice)

   tends to be super flirty with you for shits and giggles, but gets a little riled up if you hit him with an equally witty and flirtatious remark. a little bite never hurt anyone, and he enjoys it more than most

   he really likes spicy stuff, and is currently the champion of "The BPRD Fire-Eating Contest" which didn't involve actual fire from hell (opposed to popular belief) but rather various spicy foods from all over the place and even some from different realms. he won when he ate a concoction Abe made that involved multiple peppers that probably would kill a normal human if eaten all at once but just made Hellboy tear up a little bit and have a runny nose. anything else doesn't affect him at all, and thus why he puts insane amounts of hot sauce in food just to get a tiny sting from it

   his love language is physical contact

- and that's all! hellboy is an affectionate dude with a slew of insecurities. under those scars and rough exterior he can't help but feel his whole day brightened when he sees his s/o and/or best bud, regardless of his mood that day. as a goofball at heart and dad of a thousand cats, the guy is really just misunderstood. take a few minutes out of your day to get to know him over a beer or two and maybe you'll even get a new friend till the end of the line. once he likes you though, there's no way you're getting rid of this big teddy bear

[adhdtoomanycommas]

ADHD, Gifted Programs, and Accidental Accommodations

So one big thing has been on my mind pretty consistently since I got diagnosed last year at the age of 30—why did it take so long to figure this out?  At no point in my K-12 education or my 4 year bachelor’s degree schooling did any teacher or counselor question or suggest I may have ADHD, despite the fact that I check nearly every single box on every diagnostic criteria (both inattentive and hyperactive!)

One obvious reason is sexism.  Pretty early in my reading on the subject, I learned that ADHD is dramatically under-diagnosed in girls and women. Partly this is because of different presentations, but a lot of it is just that the stereotype people have in their heads of what an ADHD kid looks like is always a boy.  

But the other big reason, and the one I want to talk about today, is the fact that one of the few ADHD diagnostic boxes that I didn’t check was “bad grades.”  So really, the question is, why weren’t my grades bad?

That’s not to say I was especially good at school work. My backpacks, desks, and binders were always a complete mess, and I NEVER did the homework.  I would do the big projects (at the last possible second, of course) but daily homework just straight up didn’t happen.   If there was time left at the end of class I would sometimes quickly do the homework for the next day, and occasionally jot down some approximation of it in the minute or two before class started, but when I was actually at home, I never touched it.

But here’s the thing with ADHD brains:  We can focus on things with no problem, as long as we find them interesting.  And I’ve always read quickly enough that doing the reading for class was usually interesting. And for the most part, the class content itself usually seemed interesting enough.    But probably most importantly, I consider tests interesting. There’s always been enough of a challenge racing-the-clock game-like aspect to them to me that I would stay engaged on the tests, and even if didn’t completely know the material, I was good at using logic to get a pretty good guess (like using all those tricks they teach for standardized tests—narrowing down the options on a multiple choice question, looking for answers in the other questions, etc.)

So even in the classes where turning in the daily homework counted for part of the grade (math and language classes mostly) I was usually able to scrape a B with only the occasional C thrown in,  and everything else was A’s.  

But part of my saving grace was the “gifted” classes.  I was very lucky that, despite not knowing about her own (probable) ADHD,  my mom knew enough about how she worked as a student to know that me (and my brother) really needed to be engaged and challenged in order to thrive.  Because of this, she advocated for us hard—she insisted we be allowed in my elementary school’s “gifted” program in kindergarten (based on our test scores of course)  even though the “gifted” program officially wasn’t even available until first grade.  And when we moved to a different state, she advocated for us again and got us included even though the “gifted” class was “full.”   She knew that nothing would make us fail faster than being bored in class, so she made sure that there was at least one day a week when we would be challenged and actually get to engage with material we found interesting.  

Aside,  despite how essential they were for me to thrive in school,  the entire concept of “gifted” programs and “gifted” kids is problematic as hell.  Half of the screening is basically just looking for class signifiers and seeing whose parents had enough free time to give them a head start (or whose parents have the time to advocate for their kids the way my mom did for me).  Not to mention there’s likely a massive racial bias. So in all this discussion of why I did ok despite my ADHD, it’s important to note that there’s a lot of privilege at play here determining who gets access to these types of programs.  

This is also why I keep putting “gifted” in quotes--  I don’t think there is anything inherent about academic ability. Also, academic ability, reading ability, testing aptitude, etc. are definitely not indicative of intelligence. Plus the entire concept of the measurability of intelligence is based on eugenics ideas, so clearly one should take the whole thing with a huge grain of salt.

Nowadays the term all the parenting blogs like to use for kids like me, with ADHD (or dyslexia, or autism, or whatever else) who also test well enough to be flagged as “gifted,”  is “Twice Exceptional”  which is a term that makes me immediately want to punch whoever uses it. Seriously,  it makes me gag.  Like, it doubles down on the “special” euphemism and seems entirely designed to make parents feel better about their kid without any consideration to how the kid feels.  No kid wants to be singled out, especially one who’s already probably pretty socially isolated (which I could digress about but that’ll be another essay for another day), and being Twice singled out certainly doesn’t help anything.  

But ultimately the teaching in the “gifted” class itself wound up being really good accommodations for ADHD. I wouldn’t have been a bit surprised if they were better than the accommodations in the separate classes actually intended for kids with ADHD and other learning issues, though since I wasn’t diagnosed as I kid I can’t actually speak to that as I don’t have any experience there.  But in the gifted classes, firstly, we were given more specific subjects as opposed to the overviews we got in regular classes.  And it’s way easier to be engaged on specific subjects like ice age mammals, or the wreck of the Titanic, than it is to be engaged with a broad list of dates or categories.  We did logic problems that were presented as games, but that were indirectly teaching us the basics for higher level math. In 6th grade, we did research projects and got to pick our own subjects completely, so we could write about whatever we were hyperfixating on at the moment (mine was on medieval warfare as depicted in the Bayeux tapestry).   And if we happened to get excited and blurt out an interesting fact vaguely related to whatever was being discussed, that was likely encouraged instead of reprimanded like it would be in the normal classroom. This continued into high school, as honors and AP level classes tended to be a lot more discussion based rather than the top-down approach at other levels, as well as affording more opportunity to choose one’s own subjects.

The story you’ll hear from (or about) a lot of ADHD kids (especially undiagnosed) flagged as “gifted” is of hitting a wall at some point, academically speaking.  That did happen to me briefly, in middle school. We started being assigned a lot more long-term projects, and there was a bit of a learning curve while I figured out how to put things off Until the last minute and not Past the last minute.  But thanks to some patient teachers who believed in me (which I might not have had outside of honors classes), I managed to pull out of it and improve my grades (with the exception of the only report-card F of my entire academic career, from a sadistic gym teacher who seemed to think that enough berating would cure asthma).

Even more stories I’ve read and heard from people who were diagnosed with ADHD as an adult say they hit that wall academically when they started college—the first time they were really self-guided in their studies.  But again, there, I was saved by an honors program.  In this case,  it was the Honors Tutorial College,  a truly strange program at Ohio University.  I was tracked into HTC by one particular professor who very much wanted HTC to expand into the art program and decided that because I had both strong test scores and a strong art portfolio (and probably, lets be real, because I was the daughter of one of the other professors) that I was the perfect person to be the first student in the new program.

OU’s website describes HTC as “flexible curriculum and one-on-one tutorials with renowned faculty that allow your curiosity to take the lead in your education.” It’s rigorous, but comes with a lot of perks, like waiving certain gen-ed classes,  being able to take classes without first taking the required prerequisites,  and designing one’s own independent study classes individually with instructors.  And those perks are (as far as I know entirely accidentally) the perfect accommodations for an ADHD student (and probably pretty good for Autistic ones as well, based on some of my peers in the program).

A lot of the gen-ed classes I waived were ones I probably would have been bored in and thusly not done well.  Being able to skip pre-reqs meant that, for instance, for my English requirements I was able to take far more interesting classes like Shakespeare’s Comedies,  YA Lit,  and Playwriting instead of English 101, 102 etc.  If I wanted to learn about something in particular, I had help finding a professor willing to help me in an independent study/tutorial class.  Being the pilot of the program meant I was able to shape it so that I could get an art degree without ever having to choose one medium (which as far as I know is still an option for anyone pursuing an HTC Studio Art degree).  And at the end of the program, when we were required to complete a massive thesis project and paper (at basically graduate level), not only could I choose my subject to meet my hyperfixations, but I had individual help from a professor keeping me on task on the less-fun parts at every step of the way.  

HTC students are required to keep their GPAs above a high threshold. At one point one of my grades (in Latin class) was low enough to hurt my average, and I was called into HTC headquarters for a check-in meeting.  I was asked why my grade had fallen, and I explained that the class wasn’t that interesting (at that level it was mostly grammar) but that it was getting better as we were moving up into translating more actual historical material. That explanation was entirely accepted.  Imagine if “it’s not interesting enough” was considered a valid excuse for grades slipping for everyone, how much less stressful school would be for ADHD kids!

So ultimately it’s pretty much been having the luck and privilege to get myself flagged for “gifted” classes that kept my grades up throughout my school years.  Accidental accommodations have continued into my adult life as well. At my most recent office job, for instance (which I lost due to covid layoffs), I had a pretty hands-off boss who just didn’t care if I doodled, got up to stretch my legs every once in a while, and listened to audiobooks at my desk all day as long as the work got done.  

I didn’t need a diagnosis to get these accommodations, because they were given freely, which meant I was able to succeed even without knowing about my own ADHD.  If I had been diagnosed, and had had to ask for accommodations, I wonder if I would have done as well as bias against people with ADHD means people wouldn’t have expected as much from me.  

So if you’ve made it this far, I’ll ask for the same for others that I got for myself.  If you are a teacher (or a manager in an office setting),  I strongly encourage you to consider how to make your classroom, office, etc. more accessible in general, without someone having to disclose a diagnosis or be singled out for accommodations.  The biggest easiest one you can do is to allow (or even encourage) doodling in lecture settings. Even for neurotypicals,  there have been plenty of studies proving people retain information better when doodling, so everyone should know by now that someone doodling doesn’t mean they’re not listening.   If at all possible, encourage discussion and contribution.  Give everyone breaks to stretch and move around.  And give as much freedom as possible on what to learn about.  You might be surprised what people are capable of when these reasonable steps are taken to give everyone room to thrive.  

That’s all for now,  hopefully you got something out of this unwieldy ramble.   I’d be curious to hear if you’ve run into any accidental accommodations in your life and how they’ve helped.  Until next time!

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON IS JUST THE WHOLE MOOD FOR 2020, CAN WE ALL AGREE ON THAT?

Oh boy, guys, it’s here. The end. The very end. Tonight, Supernatural says goodbye for real this time. Maybe. Who really ever knows. But I’m not great at goodbyes, so instead let’s go back to the very beginning. It’s Supernatural!

So I’m here, at the season finale of Season 1. Very conveniently on the same day that the show is on the series finale of Season 15. It’s like I planned it, you guys! I did not plan this. 

Also, let’s take a minute to appreciate the irony of using Carry On My Wayward Son in every season finale when the Winchesters will never be done, they’ll never have peace, they will never lay their weary heads to rest. Don’t mind me, I’m just laughing til I cry. 

I genuinely think of the the last two episodes of Season 1 - “Salvation” and “Devil’s Trap” - as if they’re one episode. This is because a) I think they are designed to be a two-parter and b) they’re the only two episodes on the last disc of my box set BUT I think it’s important to note that these two episodes did not air on the same night. There was a week between them and that is...rough for an audience watching in real time. But when I watched it the first time, I was watching this exact dvd disc and of course I plowed right on through the cliffhanger in “Salvation” until the literal car crash that ends “Devil’s Trap”.

This disc! Right here! That has the real soundtrack on it, UNLIKE SOME STREAMING SERVICES!

Let’s look at a couple things: 

Way back in 2006 when these episodes aired, Supernatural’s success was average at best? Even though it’s the 5th most watched show on the WB, it’s averaged a little more than 3 million American viewers per episode, which at the time, wasn’t great. In contrast, the #1 show of the 2005/2006 TV year was American Idol season 1 - an average of 12.7 million viewers per episode. So it’s not exactly a winner of a show, but it’s not too far behind the WB’s #1 show, Smallville, which averaged around 4 million viewers per episode. Still, Supernatural’s fate was uncertain. “Devil’s Trap” aired on May 4, 2006, but the show didn’t get renewed for season 2 until May 18. That’s two weeks of cliffhanger limbo, and lemme tell you, that would have been a real slap in the tits if the show had been cancelled. 

Even further back, though, in January of 2006, it was announced that the WB and UPN would be renouncing their independence and merging under CBS and Time Warner company into what we know today as The CW. It was a network that was frankensteined together from the only working pieces of both networks and honestly I think that was a big reason Supernatural did get renewed. The CW was in need of some kind of programming to kick off the 2006 Fall Season and they greenlit new seasons for 13 of WB’s and UPN’s established programs. For a real blast from the past, here is their list of inaugural shows - 

7th Heaven (WB)

Beauty and the Geek (WB) 

Gilmore Girls (WB) 

One Tree Hill (WB)

Reba (WB)

Smallville (WB)

Supernatural (WB)

America's Next Top Model (UPN)

Veronica Mars (UPN)

Everybody Hates Chris (UPN

Girlfriends (UPN)

All of Us (UPN)

WWE SmackDown! (UPN)

I think my favorite part of this list is that both Gilmore Girls AND Smallville were still on the air, arguably the origin stories for Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles respectively. 

However, there’s evidence that Supernatural was in less danger of cancellation than you might think. In March, around about “Hellhouse” time, Supernatural gets moved from a Tuesday air date to a Thursday air date. If you follow American network TV at all, then you’ll know that Thursday is THE day. Historically, Networks believed this was the best day for programming. Advertisers paid extra for the combination of influencing your weekend plans and also influencing you before the weekend since you’re less likely to be watching TV and more likely to be spending money. Friends aired on Thursdays. Grey’s Anatomy is a Thursday show. Putting Supernatural on Thursday would indicate that the WB had some faith in it, although it’s possible they were simply removing something else that wasn’t working in that 9pm time slot. 

Ratings aside, once we get to the finale Supernatural has a good thing going, and it seems critics agreed. I think the back half of season 1 is where the show really starts to shine and take on the semblance of what it will become. This is where you see it shift from Monster-of-the-Week, anthology-style, to episodes that focused more on character - what I like to call the Feelings Episodes. That’s not to say there won’t be a ton more Monster-of-the-Week episodes, just that those are the B-story line, less important than the Winchesters-Working-Through-Trauma A-story lines. There’s also a greater emphasis on the overarching mythos and story arc of the season in the back half. This is ultimately what carries Supernatural into season 2 and beyond. Everyone from critics to series creator Kripke agreed that the episodes that focused more on the relationships and the internal struggles of the Winchesters was what really captured audiences. 

And all that gooey feelings stuff really comes to a head in the one-two punch that is “Salvation” and “Devil’s Trap”. 

UGH. FEELINGS.

The day of reckoning is finally here - the Winchesters finally know who they’re after, where to go, and how to kill it. Thanks to Sam’s Oh yeah! He’s got ESP!, they know exactly who’s gonna get hit next. The search is finally over, the battle’s about to begin. But it’s not just the Quest that’s winding down, it’s a bunch of character arcs that are coming to light as well. In fact, the Quest really does get pushed aside in favor of big character moves.

John Winchester, hyperfixated on revenge for the past 20 years, is finally close to resolving his grief and guilt over Mary’s death and the way he raised his kids. He tells his sons “whatever it takes” and we know he means it. This plays out in his decision to split up the team, in his willingness to sacrifice his own life so his boys have the opportunity to kill the demon they’ve been hunting all season. 

Who’s fault was THAT, you piece of shit.

Sam Winchester’s own feelings of guilt and grief are also on the cusp of absolution. We see just how similar Sam and John really are, specifically in their reactions to fridged girlfriends lost loves. For the first time this season, Sam follows John’s orders without question or complaint. He doesn’t hesitate to risk his own life to kill the demon, willing to literally walk into fire for a second shot at it. Sam’s here to do whatever it takes, and it’s only because of Dean that he doesn’t. 

Dean, on the other hand, is finally struggling with following John’s orders. I love the scene where John yells specifically at Dean when he finds out about Sam’s visions (watch John’s eyeline, he is NOT looking at Sam on that line) 

Exhibit A, because this show has turned me into a 19YO Stan again and I hate it.

and Dean yells back, pointing out that they were in much more dire straights than death omens and John never picked up the phone, not once, not even when Dean was dying. 

It’s TRUE and he SHOULD SAY IT! And seriously, John, even MEG knows you don’t answer voicemails, that’s why she calls Sam.

More importantly, Dean is not willing to do whatever it takes if whatever it takes means losing what he already has. Dean, who was so gung ho about finding mom’s killer in the beginning of the season, understands better than ever what he stands to lose if he lets his family continue on this path. It’s a real reversal of his attitude from the beginning of the show, but the about-face has happened so gradually over the last 22 episodes that it doesn’t feel out of left field. 

Because that’s what you get when you put Sam and Dean together on a cross-country road trip for nine months! The two grow and change just by proximity and the sheer number of hours they spend in the car together. Over the course of 22 episodes, Dean reminds Sam why they do what they do - saving lives - and Sam reminds Dean what and who they do it for - family, safe and sound and living their best life now. John’s got his own thing going on, so who even cares what his motivations are, I don’t, hurry up and get out of here, John, nobody likes you. 

That being said, “Devil’s Trap” starts with a pretty ruthless Dean performing an exorcism on Meg. He’s not dicking around this episode, and based on the fight he has with Sam in “Salvation”, it makes sense. Dean won’t do whatever it takes just for vengeance, but he will do whatever it takes to save someone, especially if those lives are his brother and his father. You could even extend that motivation into his decision to exorcise the demon and essentially kill Meg Masters - she may be dying, but she’s been saved from being a human meat puppet and unwilling participant to any number of evil things. 

In other news, Bobby Singer is a National Treasure and the Best Part of this Episode and Maybe All Episodes. He doesn’t have a lot going on in this episode, he’s just amazing and I love him forever. 

I had to pull a still from the episode because lookit this glorious mullet that he loses immediately, thank GOODNESS!

After getting a reality check from Dean in “Salvation,” Sam’s still struggling to figure out where he is on this spectrum, and you get to watch him make that decision in real time. He has the choice to be like John, to do whatever it takes to kill the demon, even though that means killing his own father. And he does not hesitate to aim when John tells him to shoot to kill, and that says a LOT. 

But it’s Dean who convinces Sam not to lose himself in this fight, even when he’s so close to winning it. It’s Dean’s tiny little “Sam, no!” that makes Sam put the gun down, and that ALSO says a LOT. 

It also hits me right in my heart meats, just OOF. 

And THEN, just when you think the Winchesters are at their lowest, beat to shit and barely holding on, THEN the show delivers its final blow: they crash a semi into the Impala. 

Listen, I watch a lot of garbage, and I watch that garbage on purpose. Sometimes, that’s just what you want. I don’t rate movies and tv shows on a good to bad scale anymore because some bad movies are GREAT and some good movies are just really terrible and I don’t like watching them. I’ve started talking about movies and tv in terms of whether or not I enjoyed them. Does it spark joy? Will it spark joy in others? 

My legitimate reaction to anything that looks like a dumpster fire.

I enjoy Supernatural. A LOT. And maybe it’s just because my calibration settings are off, but I’d also argue that this season is good. As in, it’s well-crafted, satisfying and (mostly) logical storytelling. Is it perfect? No. It’s a show that aired on the WB in 2005. And when I watched this for the first time in 2008, I didn’t dig too deep into character arcs or story structure, I just liked watching two hot guys fight ghosts and sometimes cry a little. Twelve years later, watching it with a more experienced eye and a more refined palette - er, well, maybe just more educated palette -  I can see the skill that went into crafting this 22-episode long story. 

Well, skill and and a little bit of sheer dumb luck. Cuz remember when I said that Kripke and Co. figured out that the Feelings Episodes ended up doing better than the Monster-of-the-Week episodes? That wasn’t until after they realized what a gift they’d been given in their two leads. It was the chemistry between Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki that both sold the show at the outset and built the foundation for seasons to come. Viewers cared about the show because they cared about the characters. They wanted to see these two beautiful dumpster fires struggle and overcome their internal battles way more than their external ones. If you need proof - I did not once talk about the Yellow-Eyed-Demon motives or plans from this episode. I barely even mention the quest, unless it’s in relation to how the characters are handling it, emotionally, and how that’s impacting others around them. When you come down to it, Supernatural is a show about a family struggling to survive just as much as it is about two guys saving the world, and that’s something that any audience can relate to. I’m never gonna perform an exorcism or face down angels and demons to stop the apocalypse. But I am gonna struggle with insecurity and doubt, grief and anger and family drama. That’s the human element. That’s what connects you to these characters. And when you’re lucky enough to have two lead actors that really sell the hell out of the family dynamics, you're setting up for some serious television gold. 

Fifteen years after this season aired, both of these elements - the story-crafting AND the luck - are more important than ever. No matter what show you’re watching, when you get to a season finale, that finale needs to feel like a set of dominos tipping over. It needs to feel like you’ve set up for that final confrontation both externally (the quest arc) and internally (the character arc). It needs to feel satisfying and motivated when those dominos finally fall. Most importantly, you need to make sure your audience cares about why they’re falling in the first place. Who cares about anybody’s arc if you haven’t built that character connection with your audience in the first place? 

For a TV show looking ahead to season two, all that resolution also needs to ask more questions. It needs to propel us through one conflict and into another. That’s what the finale of this season does. It threads the needle into that sweet spot between conclusion and new beginning. Will our heroes live or die? Will the yellow-eyed demon be defeated? What’s next? And on this side of 2020, how did they keep that momentum going for more than a decade? 

I can’t think of any current show right now that I would follow for 15 years. Hell, I didn’t even follow this show for 15 years. But the longevity of Supernatural means that they’ll be the template for any show looking to last even half as long as they did. And no matter how you feel about this show, you’ve gotta admit that’s heckin’ WILD. 

[bipizzapringle]

just want you to know you're like hockeyblr's favorite person of the week bc that post you reblogged about blocking tk's name resurged again and I just gotta say a) good taste in men b) good taste in tumblr curation have fun

Thanks! I checked the reblogs on that post when you sent me this ask. I laughed. I think the version with my comment has gotten at least 50 reblogs which is kinda funny because I am not interested in hockey at all. Not that I have a real opinion on it, I just hyperfixate on things so I am careful when I try things out. I have to ask myself, “do we want this to be the focus of our life for the next few years?” 

Also, I prefer fiction over everything else. Most things with real people allowed to act like themselves, I don’t want to watch. I like Chopped and some house hunting shows here and there. I know that reality tv isn't really portraying people in an honest way but I hate people acting shitty just to be shitty. I try to be a the world may not be fair but we can choose to make things fair as much as we can, and a starfish story kind of person. 

With my hyperfixations, I eat, breathe, sleep the thing for a period of time until I’m not interested or I’ll sit it to the side, move on to something else and eventually pick the old thing back up. Like, I love sims and can play it for hours but I haven’t played it in months so I can do my homework or else it would be all sims all the time. I am not ready to add any potential new interests. I haven’t rewatched Leverage, Doctor Who, and Star Trek enough. There’s still some Star Trek and Doctor Who things I haven’t seen. I really want to try Psych eventually. Did you notice a common theme there? Those things are either finished (Leverage, at least temporarily), still going but have large chunks of finished content that stand alone (Doctor Who and Star Trek). I used to try a bunch of new tv shows but they kept getting cancelled and it was exhausting. Also, I don’t watch much tv. I’m really into youtube right now. I bounce between Bailey Sarian, Buzzfeed Unsolved & Watcher, booktubers, Simmers, Keatsdidit (I discovered him when qurantine started, his music and funny videos have brought me a lot of happiness), and Brandon Farris (v funny too).

Thank you for pointing that out to me! I hadn’t realized it until you said something.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

oh gosh. oh gosh. I've been thinking about getting evaluated for ADD/ADHD myself recently but I'm scared & anxious. I don't know who to go to - is any regular psychiatrist/psychologist ok or would I need to find one who specializes?? What if I'm diagnosed but they can't do anything about it?? What if I'm MISdiagnosed so they can make money?? What if they tell me I'm just an attention-seeking narcissist and there's nothing wrong with me at all?? 1/2

All I can share is my experience, which is unique to a) me, b) my area, and c) my country’s healthcare system. I mentioned my frustrations with my concentration/focus (or lack thereof) with my primary care physician-- the person who does my annual check ups. They should be your first stop, if you’re in the American healthcare system, as insurance companies often require referrals for specialist appointments, and even if you aren’t in the American healthcare system, your PCP should be able to point you in the right direction of where to go next. 

I have a really great relationship with mine-- she’s been treating me for my entire adult life. She referred me to a neurologist for ADD/ADHD evaluation. When I arrived, the cute intake girl asked me a shit ton of questions about my symptoms. And in talking to her it really hit home how much and how long I’ve been struggling. 

And the neurologist took one look at my intake form and said “you definitely hit the markers for ADD.” (and maybe adhd? It kinda blurred at that point, because ha-hey guess who’s having focus/attention issues?)

Next step? Medication.

Medication is where the stigma kicks in again. Picture this: I am at the neurologist looking for help. There is literally no other reason for me to be there. I am struggling, I need help, and still-- STILL-- when he mentioned Aderall my brain and my heart immediately wanted to bolt. Like, what the hell else did you think he was going to suggest, numbskull? 

So next steps are getting a brain scan/EEG, to make sure I don’t have any other brain issues they need to worry about, and then I’m starting a low dose of Adderall, which is faster acting than some of the other options. By the neurologist’s words, I could be seeing improvement by the end of next week.

Your questions in your first ask are all anxiety, plain and simple (and guess how ADD can sometimes present in adult women? Ding ding ding! Anxiety). 

A specialist will be the best person to help you, so even if they can’t a) they may at least be able to tell you what it isn’t, b) can point you in a new direction, and c) at least you’re taking steps to help yourself-- which is huge. 

Lately I’ve come to suspect that the school fear about “overmedication” is an early split from what eventually became the anti-vaxxer movement, and fuck those guys. And keep in mind-- our conversation here is not about the virtues of forcing kids to sit still in a classroom for 7-8 hours a day, and the need for medication to help them do so. We are adults, struggling to exist as adults. If there is a tool out there to help us function more easily, we are entitled to use it, just as we are entitled to use anti-depressants or pain-relief.

(And PS if you’re wondering if you’re an attention-seeking narcissist, you’re not a narcissist, because narcissists don’t think about that sort of thing. I’ve had similar concerns seeking therapy and that came straight from my therapist’s mouth, so)

If you do seek help for it, I can warn you right now that it’s going to be a mixed bag of emotions. Yes, it’s a relief, to have a name and reason for why you/your brain does X, but at the same time? I had a cry session last night because if the diagnosis is correct, then-- I’ve been fighting it for twenty-plus years. Twenty years where my potential has been throttled by a condition I wasn’t aware of. Twenty years I’ll never get back.

 And that’s heartbreaking.

The one thing about my appointment with the neurologist that sticks in my craw is something he asked me towards the end as we were wrapping up. He asked me “Why did you wait so long to get help?”

He meant it good-naturedly, and I was still reeling and dealing with the anxiety of everything suddenly happening quickly, so I didn’t claw his eyes out right then and there. But it still rankles even now. 

I’m sorry, how in the world was I supposed to know that my wandering brain and hyperfixation on writing and skating (the only two activities in my life I can focus on with zero distraction), wasn’t NORMAL? My doctor asks for my weight every goddamn visit but at no point has she ever asked me how my focus is. No one ever asked me how many times I need to go back to my apartment in the morning to get the keys/sunglasses/breakfast I keep forgetting. 

No one ever asked me how many times a week I forget my wallet in my other bag. Until my visit yesterday, no one ever asked me how often I talk over someone before they’re finished speaking, or finish their sentences for them. No one ever asked whether I fidget in meetings or if I can hold a goddamn conversation without my brain spooling out to think about that one story/movie/figure skating program/”if I have my protein bar early and skip the late session at the rink I can go to that one place I like for dinner tonight I think I’ll get the fish”.

So, someone please tell me how I was supposed to recognize any of this as not normal.

Long story short, here’s my takeaway: If you are struggling with anything that impairs your ability to function on a basic level, you deserve to seek treatment. If you read something online about a condition that rings true to you and your experience, you have every right to mention it to your doctor.

You deserve to live at your full potential.

[nerdyvixen]

20, 30, & 31!

20. Favorite character to write

Ruby. Fucking. Carver.

So @aproclivity​ and I have this urban fantasy AU, right? And I love it and it’s my favorite and I love her and she’s my favorite, which is neither here nor there but certainly very important to mention at every available opportunity. But anyway, we’ve got this AU that is currently sitting at like...over 160,000 words? Oops? And the plot is just kind of now showing up late with Starbucks?

and we accidentally ended up kind of shipping some very strange characters it’s fine it happens it’s fine

But like--I love writing for Ruby so much??? She presents such a no-fucks-given attitude but she clearly gives all the fucks, and pretty much anyone she meets would be down with her stepping on them, and she takes the wind out of Richie’s sails at every available opportunity, and I love her???

Like. Legit. This is probably my favorite bit with her I’ve written and I don’t really care if anyone else likes it because it makes me laugh every damn time:

“That being said…” He settles Alex onto her feet before standing up and making his way out of his chair and towards the office door. He offers a tilted grin as he reaches out for the door handle, intent on calling out for his assistant the minute he set foot outside his office. “I’d rather take a half day and take you home with me. I have plans, my darling, and they don’t involve gala paperwork.”

Before he can open it, the door opens anyway, and Ruby unceremoniously shoves a stack of manila folders into his arms. “They damn well should, boss,” his assistant snaps. “The gala’s fucking soon, and I still need you to look over the schedule and finalize signatures for the charity auction and the floor show, not to mention the wardwork you still haven’t finished. Plus Tannis Braun wants to meet with you tomorrow to do a check on the wards you already put up, but he was laughing too hard to tell me when, so I’m going to go with ‘he overheard you two nerds macking because you forgot to hang up the damn phone’ for $200, Alex.” She pauses, takes a breath, and puts on a frostily professional smile. “Trebek, not you, Reagan. You understand.”

Richard sighs. “Ruby--”

She holds up a finger warningly; it’s a pleasant surprise that it’s not the middle one. “Nope. Not done. I need you to listen very carefully. You may take a half day so you can go home and fuck your angst away if and only if you promise you’ll get these signed and back to me by 2 P.M. tomorrow so I can send them back out and make sure that our insurance has copies. You will also be meeting with Braun at the venue tomorrow morning at 9 A.M., and if you’re late because you’re in that weird post-coital haze you get, I will make your life a living hell for the next two weeks. You get me?”

He shifts the folders in his arms and reaches behind him for his coat on the stand just inside the door. “Do I have this charming attitude to look forward to until Nicodemus arrives in town again?”

Ruby’s expression doesn’t change, but the very tips of her ears go pink. “Don’t. Miss. The appointment.” She punctuates her words with sharp jabs into his chest with her finger. “I’m not cleaning up the mess if you do. Braun likes to talk, boss, and given what he overheard, I’m not sure we want to hear what he has to say.” She leans around him, smiles curtly at Alex, and leans back. “Get your freak on, but do it at home. Now scram.”

30. Hardest part of writing?

actually doing it

No, but seriously. I lose steam really easily--thanks, depression/anxiety/poor sleeping cycles/bad habits/tendency to get hyperfixated!--and once I fall out of the habit or hit something that doesn’t come easily to me, it’s really hard for me to get back in. I tend to feel like I Owe Somebody a certain output at a certain speed, and when I fall away from that, it’s really anxiety-inducing to try to get back into it.

As far as the craft itself goes? Action scenes and getting characters from point A to point B. I struggle with blocking and conveying action in a way that doesn’t feel clunky (I like dialogue and prose far more than quick actions, YIKES), and sometimes just getting characters to leave the damn room feels like pulling teeth.

(Any time I think about that, I remember my friend Wendy from the writing group I used to run back in Indiana. She had a draft she brought in for critique, and her smile filled with clenched teeth as she told us how fucking hard she was working to get the hero out of the damn parking lot resonated down to my bones.)

31. Easiest part of writing?

I like idea generation. I like peeling back layers of motivation and plot to find the emotional core of a person, of an event, even of a place. I feel like that’s one of my strengths, I think? Being able to parse an emotionally taut moment, I mean. It’s something that I enjoy doing, at least--it feels the most like poetry to me.

[t0m0kii]

1-99

you think this is a game anon? you send in 1-99 i’m gonna do 1-99 so HERE WE H*CKING GO

“1) Sexuality?”

bi! even tho i’m not attracted to many boys (and i actually only seriously like one) i still consider myself to be a groovy bisexual

“2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?”

any of the monkees! but also paul mccartney!

“3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.”

here’s an excerpt from the nearest book, ‘‘the everything reading music book’‘: “The terms measure and bar can be used in place of one another - they mean the same thing.” very educational!

“4) What do you think about most?”

it’s probably pathetic but i probably think about story concepts the most! either that or monkees stuff but sometimes they can be the same thing

“5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?”

my latest text is from my dude sean a.k.a joj-n-ringo who said that he sent me loads of asks about nwa but somehow i didn’t get any of them 

“6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?”

always with! sleeping naked is weird and plus i hate my body and don’t wanna look at it SKJALKJAKLHDKSJLKN

“7) What’s your strangest talent?”

i dunno! i don’t really have any weird talents!

“8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)”

girls…are neat! boys…are also neat!

“9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?”

no one’s ever written me a song but i’ve had friends write me poems before! it’s nice and i love it

“10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?”

hm……when’s the last time i listened to joe walsh’s life’s been good……………probably then!

“11) Do you have any strange phobias?”

i don’t know if it counts as a phobia but i get really bothered when i see shirtless pics of people and their ribs are visible like idk what it is but eeeee i don’t like it

“12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?”

not that i can remember, lmao

“13) What’s your religion?”

i’m not like a diehard religion fanatic but i was raised christian and still sorta stand by it yknow

“14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?”

looking at the area around me, even if i’ve seen the place a thousand times, i’m always just lookin around lmao

“15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?”

it depends! mostly i like being in front tho jdhbkjfhdjfls

“16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?”

the monkees! those four idiots have my whole heart

“17) What was the last lie you told?”

my mom asked me if i did my homework yesterday and i lied and said i did it at school BUT I DID DO MOST OF IT THERE SO WHEN I BROUGHT IT HOME I DIDN’T HAVE A LOT TO DO

“18) Do you believe in karma?”

i guess so! what goes around comes around i’d suppose

“19) What does your URL mean?”

it’s named somewhat after my favorite anime character tomoko kuroki bc i love her and she’s a big mood

“20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?”

i think my greatest weakness would be that i jump to conclusions without any reason yknow but i think my biggest strength would be either my writing abilities or my ability to sorta see through people and see exactly what type of person they are

“21) Who is your celebrity crush?”

davy jones !!!!!! i love him so much !!!!!!!!!!

“22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?”

hELL NO i would never i’m way too modest for that sjsklaskjdkbfnj

“23) How do you vent your anger?”

usually i talk to someone about it who’d understand but sometimes when i don’t want to bug anyone i just scribble it all down

“24) Do you have a collection of anything?”i have a record collection! and a cd and tape collection, i mostly just collect music stuff kshsjlbsjk

“25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?”

i don’t really like either but i prefer talking on the phone!

“26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?”

not entirely

“27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?”

i hate the sound of babies screaming like i don’t hate children but uGH it kills my ears and a sound i love is the sound of tambourines! i love those lil things they do a good noise

“28) What’s your biggest “what if”?”

what if it’s all for nothing (this could apply to several things)

“29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?”

i dunno about aliens but i think there are ghosts! i’d love to be friends with a ghost like. imagine

“30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.”

with my right i touch my phone first! and with my left i touch my 3ds 

“31) Smell the air. What do you smell?”

it smells like……………………………..air

“32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?”

i dunno i’ve never really been anywhere super terrible 

“33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?”

uhhh east?

“34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?”

DAVY JONES OF COURSEEEEE

“35) To you, what is the meaning of life?”

to give it meaning

“36) Define Art.”

art is whatever you make it tbh, something that inspires

“37) Do you believe in luck?”

i guess! even tho i have the worst luck ever

“38) What’s the weather like right now?”

cold and windy it SUCKS

“39) What time is it?”

at the time of writing this answer it’s 8:37 pm!

“40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?”

i’m too young to drive so i’ve never done it bsjhklskjdvbfjdsk

“41) What was the last book you read?”

i admit i write more than i read but i believe the last time i read a book was yesterday when i was reading one of my how-to-read-sheet-music books from the library

“42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?”

i can tolerate it but i wouldn’t want to sit and smell it for hours

“43) Do you have any nicknames?”

not really! if you gave me one that’d be neat

“44) What was the last movie you saw?”

last time i watched a movie was when i rewatched the beatles movie ‘‘help!’‘ it’s a rlly good movie i love it

“45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?”

uh once i broke my arm in kindergarten but i think that’d be it

“46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?”

like in a net? no but i’d really like tooooo i think it’d be neat

“47) Do you have any obsessions right now?”

MONKEESSSSSS I’VE BEEN HYPERFIXING ON THE MONKEES FOR NEARLY A YEAR NOW I JUST LOVE THOSE FOUR DUMBASSES ESPECIALLY THE SHORT ONE THAT TALKS FUNNY

“48) What’s your sexual orientation?”

i’m a girl! born a girl and i have stayed a girl since. wild

“49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?”

not that i know of sjhskdksl is that a good thing??

“50) Do you believe in magic?”

perhaps it’s out there and someone’s just keeping it to themselves WHICH WOULD SUCK BC GIVE ME SOME MAGIC YOU FUCK

“51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?”

i forgive but never forget

“52) What is your astrological sign?”

since i was born on november 8th i’d be a scorpio!

“53) Do you save money or spend it?”

i’m terrible at saving money but i’m a wiz at spending it

“54) What’s the last thing you purchased?”

my monkees shirt! i love that thing even tho it was 90 dollars on etsy but lemme tell ya it’s 90 dollars well spent

“55) Love or lust?”

love !!!!!!!!!!

“56) In a relationship?”

in my daydream universe i’m the lovely intelligent wife of davy jones but in reality i’m a lonely bitch skjfhdsjflsj;fdkk

“57) How many relationships have you had?”

i had a boyfriend for a week in kindergarten but only because he recognized me from sunday school and i’ve never had a relationship since

“58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?”

no and i can’t believe people can do that but some people can’t like HUH

“59) Where were you yesterday?”

i wasn’t anywhere near the crime scene officer i swear

“60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?”

on my desk next to my coaster is my pink rubber bracelet with a peter tork quote on it! and that’s not very far away so it counts!

“61) Are you wearing socks right now?”

the only time i’m not wearing socks is when i’m in the shower so yes

“62) What’s your favorite animal?”

the red panda !!!! i love those funky little dudes !!!!!!!

“63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?”

i really would not know my dude i mean just being myself i guess?? bold of you to assume people like me

“64) Where is your best friend?”

probably at their house being the greatest best friend ever

“65) Spit or swallow?(;”

i think when you’re brushing your teeth you literally have to spit you can’t just swallow that shit what the fuck if i find someone who does that i’ll ascend

“66) What is your heritage?”

i don’t really know! i mean i’m about as white as a piece of paper so

“67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?”

i told you before officer i wasn’t out doing illegal actions ((nah but seriously i was watching youtube i think))

“68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?”

bofa

“69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?”

honestly i never remember where my bus stop is i always just look out the window and see my house and i’m like oh shit time to skidaddle so i mostly rely on the bus driver for that. thanks bus driver

((yeah))

“70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?”

i think being friends with me would be alright maybe!

“71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?”

man fuck that guy i’m saving that fuckin dog then i’ll just show up with the dog and everyone will think it’s so cute that i won’t get fired. problem solved!

“72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?”

i guess everyone would already know but i’d finish everything i’d need to like writing projects and stuff, i’d make sure i’d do everything i need to before i had to die 

“73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.”

where there’s trust there’s love so trust!

“74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?”

looking for the good times by the monkees never fails to make me smile! i just love davy a lot

“75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?”

7644! 

“76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?”

a good relationship starts with a good friendship yknow. you have to be able to love and appreciate the person you’re with and accept them the way they are and not try to change them too much. and it also sorta all relies on trust. if you can trust who you’re with, you’re good to go. and if you feel like you’re unable to call them out when they do wrong or if they do/say something really bad and you just let it slide then that’s not good in a relationship i’d say

“77) How can I win your heart?”

be nice

“78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?”

maybe just a small, small amount but not a lot

“79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?”

deciding to listen to the monkees tbh bc !!! i love em !!!! have i mentioned this !!!!

“80) What size shoes do you wear?”

like size 11 or somethin like that

“81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?”

“bury me shallow because i’ll be back”

“82) What is your favorite word?”

my favorite word would probably be “lovely” bc it’s so fuckin !! good !!!!!!!

“83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.”

i always hear the word in davy’s voice and the way he says it LKDSLSKS he goes “h a h t” it’s cute

“84) What is a saying you say a lot?”

“it be like that sometimes”

“85) What’s the last song you listened to?”

everybody wants to rule the world by tears for fears! listening to it as i answer this actually

“86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?”

blue! really any shade of blue but especially light blue!

“87) What is your current desktop picture?”

i’ve said monkees too many times in this post but. them

“88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?”

the president bc he sucks

“89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?”

if someone outside of the internet asked if i were gay i think i’d be a little scared to answer bc yknow my whole family is homophobic and all that and sometimes you never can tell who is and who isn’t

“90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?”

introduce myself bc even if i’m scared i’m not about to be impolite

“91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?”

time travel !!!! they call me TIME TRAVELING PRODUCE AISLE 

“92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?”

maybe a half hour of my first concert! it was a blast

“93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?”

developing depression

“94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?”

DAVY FUCKIN JONES but would we still see eachother afterwards is the question

“95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?”

manchester, england !!!!!!! i really want to go and i actually kinda wanna move there someday

“96) Do you have any relatives in jail?”

not that i know of i sure hope not lmao

“97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?”

once a long time ago

“98) Ever been on a plane?”

never bc my mom is super scared of heights and scared of planes and tbh i kinda don’t really like planes i prefer boats

“99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?”

i’d say listen to papa gene’s blues by the monkees and listen to mike nesmith go “yeeeeeehawwwww !!!!!!”

this took me an hour thanks anon