#oooooh they make me CRAZY

[redriotinggg]

Just thinking about the parallels between Robin and Usopp and making myself emotional!!!!

Following the footsteps of their criminal parents

Inheriting the talents and passions of their parents who abandoned them to follow their dreams

Spent their childhood waiting for their parent to return and bring them out to sea

Ostracized from their community

Adopting personas for their survival

Inspired and motivated by giants

Curious and thirsty for knowledge

Abandonment issues <3 Scared of being abandoned by the crew

[wiklm]

me (i am listening to The Stranger by Billy Joel)

[leviscolwill]

agora hills [smau]

pairing: joao felix x singer!reader [face claim: tate mcrae]

summary: you said you'd never show off your boyfriend ever again, but that was before you met joao

note: i didn't accent his name even once, sorry joao connoisseurs and other portuguese besties. might contain inaccurate spanish / portuguese translations

tagged: @ceofmercedes <3

now playing agora hills by d*ja cat...

yn.mp3

liked by joaofelix79, madisonbeer and 641,908 others

yn.mp3 greedy out noooow, thank you for all the love lately xx

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ur.bsf oooooh ik he's fuming rn

yn.mp3 idk who you're talking abt 😁

user99 on repeat already 🤭🎧 [this comment was liked by the creator]

joaofelix79 not bad not bad

yn.mp3 obrigado amigo 💃

joaofelix79

liked by gavi, jkeey4 and 804,055 others

joaofelix79 +3 puntos, feliz in mi nueva casa (+3 points, happy in my new home)

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yn.mp3 ew sweaty

joaofelix79 you asked for a post match pic tho ?

yn.mp3 to make fun of your sweaty ass..... no other reason

joaofelix79 right.

barcafan14 welcome home 🫀

hugofelix18 para de te exibir 🙄 (stop showing off)

joaofelix79 não consigo evitar 🤷🏽‍♂️ (i can't help it)

yn.mp3 posted a new story

ur.bsf replied to your story

IS IT WHO I THINK IT IS ���️⁉️

yn.mp3

might be idk 🏃‍♀️

ur.bsf

call me when he's gone

if he's leaving your house tonight 🤭

yn.mp3

STOP THIS

he's not staying the night

ur.bsf

that's what they all say

yn.mp3 posted a new story

blaugrana.news

liked by pedritboy, ur.bsf and 129,081 others

blaugrana.news joao felix celebrated his el classico goal by pointing at the stands tonight 👀

view all comments...

user20 omg y'all, y/n's best friend liked

user71 she's might just a barca fan chill out

user64 i connected the dots....

user09 you didn't connect shit

user64 I CONNECTED THE DOTS

yn.mp3 - bali

liked by alejandrobalde, sooyaaa__ and 715,012 others

yn.mp3 day mode & night mode [tagged: joaofelix79]

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ur.bsf i wanna show you off, i wanna you show off 💽

yn.mp3 i might have to make you sign a nda from now on 😒

ur.bsf sry baby it's my fav 😓

joaofelix79 minha linda namorada 🤍 (my pretty girlfriend)

yn.mp3 amo te ❤️ (i love you)

user64 I KNEW IT AND Y'ALL CALLED ME CRAZY

user27 i thought she said she wouldn't share her relationships online anymore, so quick to switch sides lmao 😶‍🌫️

user08 you should be happy she's feeling confident enough in her new relationship to share it with us !

joaofelix79 - bali

liked by frenkiedejong, rubendias and 810,725 others

joaofelix79 recharging 🔋 [tagged: yn.mp3]

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yn.mp3 thank you to my man 💅

yn.mp3 this frvst picature is drivwibg me isname

joaofelix79 are u okay ??

yn.mp3 no

alejandrobalde no te canses demasiado tio 🤣🤣 (don't get too tired bro)

joaofelix79 no te preocupes por mi 👀 (don't worry about me)

yn.mp3

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yn.mp3 i wanna brag abt it, i wanna tie the knot, i wanna show u offff..... agora hills is out tonight 🩷

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user09 HELLO ???

joaofelix79 my new favorite song

ur.bsf when he steals my gf away from me 😿 but he has great taste ��

joaofelix79 your girlfriend ?? 🤣🤣

ur.bsf back the fuck off musty ahh man 🤺

joaofelix79 i just can't wait to piss you off forever 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

yn.mp3 already are

joaofelix79 don't test me

[genericpuff]

All That Glitters is Not Feminism - An Analysis of LO's Brand of "Feminism" and What Remains of its Fanbase (The Twist)

Alright y'all, I've been waiting a hot minute to talk about this because I wanted to see how it fully panned out before saying anything about it. And it's not even specifically about LO, but I do think it's very adjacent to it in a way that I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear. Much of it speaks to how we prop up white writers even at the expense of POC.

This is 'the twist' attached to my first post that I made just a couple hours ago that concerns an entirely other topic but I feel ties into this subject very well.

If you haven't heard, there's this author who recently fucked around in the Del Rey publishing scene.

Her name is Cait Corrain.

In the original tweet calling this person out, names were not dropped, but it was made very clear that what Cait did was unacceptable behavior.

You can read the entire thread that started it all from Xiran here:

There's also a GREAT recap thread from one of the affected authors, Bethany Baptiste:

I want to make it clear that Cait Corrain isn't just a debut author.

Cait Corrain is - or now, was (foreshadowing is a literary device that-) - a debut author who had an agent, a publishing deal with Del Rey (an imprint of Random House which is a MAJOR publisher) and even an upcoming Illumicrate deal - meaning, her book was going to be packaged in a monthly loot crate subscription shipped directly to people's doors, quite possibly one of the best marketing deals a debut author could ever get, usually unheard of in this industry. All the pre-reviews were strong and positive.

Cait's book was literally set up for success. All she had to do was sit back, relax, and watch the fruits of her labors roll in. She had written the book. It was ready for release. The hard part was technically over.

But I guess the racism brainrot got to her because as it turns out, since April - for EIGHT MONTHS - she's been making alternate accounts on GoodReads to review bomb the indie and debut works of her friends and peers, most of whom were POC and did not have the same opportunities set up for them as she did. There are loads of receipts to back this up that you can find in those above threads ^^^

To say that this is appalling is an understatement. This was an intentional and deliberate act of racism by a white queer writer who claimed to be "jealous" - of what, I can't imagine - so much so that she deliberately sabotaged her peers, people who had supported her and her book.

And then when she got caught? She doubled down on it and claimed it was a "friend", also an alternate account she made up.

The exchange between her and this made-up person is actually the funniest shit out of this entire thing, it's so poorly written and as soon as people noticed the time stamps were out of order, that was when it truly cemented her newfound clown status.

"oooooh he's standing right behind me, isn't he?" energy right here LMAO

yes keep expositing cait, that's really selling the "this is a genuine conversation that really happened with a real person" bit 🤡

Anyways, it became abundantly clear that Cait was just going to continue to dig her heels in over something she caused.

This has been a hot topic in the UnpopularLO Discord, not just because of how crazy of a situation it is that we had to talk about it - and we have people within the community who work in the literature and media sector - but because we noticed one very telling thing in the list of series that she had review bombed in her very own personal act of wrath.

You see, Cait made one fundamental mistake that led to her undoing - she didn't just review bomb the works of her peers, she positively reviewed her own book and others.

What's her book about though?

It's an Ariadne x Dionysus retelling set in space.

It's literally another "modern retelling" of Greek myth.

And wouldn't you know it, guess who else created a modern retelling of Greek myth that she included in her positive review raiding while she was sabotaging the work of her actual peers?

Now, I think it goes without saying that what I'm about to say should be taken with MOUNTAINS of salt, I'm sure a lot of you are reading the headline and going, "Ugh, really? You're gonna make this about LO? Could you give it a rest already???"

I need you to understand, with the current state of Rachel's fanbase and 'modern' Greek myth literature as a whole, at this point Lore Olympus - and the works that are literally inspired by it such as A Touch of Darkness - has basically become the shopping cart litmus test of basic decency. It's like when someone says they like Harry Potter - you can't take it automatically at good faith anymore, because there isn't a whole lot separating someone who simply liked Harry Potter as a kid and still rewatches the movies from time to time from someone who fully supports the politics and agenda of J.K. Rowling. No, not everyone who still watches the movies or reads the books fondly is a TERF by default, but it's justifiably a reason for suspicion when the consequences are often too dire to risk.

There's this thing that's been happening in the LO fanbase that I frankly saw coming, but has really recently started to hit its peak. It's what I call the "Kanye Effect", where the comic has become so absurd and backwards in its misogyny and white feminism that the only people who seem to be left supporting LO are the people who are legitimate white feminists and misogynists - because all the normal level-headed people fell off the comic ages ago (or transitioned into the critical side of the community).

I mentioned it in my last post, but it bears repeating - Rachel's fanbase has literally been shipping Hera, a victim of abuse, with her abuser, Kronos. I'm really hoping a lot of them realize how fucked up that is now that Hera herself has called it what it is - abuse - within the comic, but I also can't count on the LO fanbase picking up on that or even noticing it with how quickly people swipe through it each week, it's very apparent at this point that most of LO's readers don't know how to chew their food and don't pay attention when Persephone and Hades aren't onscreen.

But I'm digressing. Or am I? We're talking about Crown of Starlight after all. The debut Dionysus x Ariadne sci-fi/fantasy romance that was quite literally advertised using Lore Olympus as its baseline-

This. This is what the ongoing cultural erasure and white feminist uwu-fication of Greek myth is doing to the literary zeitgeist surrounding Greek myth as a whole. This is why we criticize Lore Olympus and works like it that are created by disingenuous people who only seek to use the assets of Greek myth material as a way to shoot themselves up into fame and stardom. This is why we demand better standards in the literature and webcomic industry, so that people like Rachel and Cait can't use their privileges to quite literally erase the source material that they used to make themselves famous in the first place.

If anything, Cait's actions didn't just affect the people she negatively review bombed, or the people she was affiliated with, but also the people she positively reviewed. While I don't support what Rachel creates, she wasn't the only one who Cait went out of her way to review positively from her alt accounts, there were many others as evident in the Google Doc - but all this really does is tarnish the legitimacy of these books and their ratings by artificially jacking up their numbers that are advertised to others.

Making Greek myth fanfiction or fun creative retellings was never the problem, but it's now being sabotaged alongside so many other genres and mediums by toxic white individuals who can't even keep themselves from committing hate crimes, let alone create something purely for entertainment that's transparent in its illegitimacy, lest it destroy the illusion that these people are qualified to speak over those whose voices are being stifled, often by these very same people. Many of these writers get caught and are still allowed to continue what they're doing - that was certainly what we feared with Cait.

Until today.

It was revealed today that Cait's book will no longer be featured in the Illumicrate May 2024 box.

Del Rey has dropped Crown of Starlight from their publishing schedule.

Daphne Press will be hopefully following suit.

And, most telling of all, Cait's own agent has severed ties with her.

For anyone not familiar with the inner workings of the publishing industry, Cait has essentially been blacklisted. Without an agent or a publishing house, she'll have to entirely rely on her own resources through self-publishing. Unless she manages to sneak her way back in under an alias (which I wouldn't put it past her to try) she no longer has access to the mainstream publishing industry that was already guaranteed for her before she let her 'jealousy' get the better of her.

Her career was already made for her. She had a red carpet laid out for her debut. Her book was getting good pre-reviews and she had quite literally nothing keeping her from her success. The best thing she could have done was nothing. Somewhere in her head, she made up a threat that didn't exist, and sealed her fate in acting on it, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I think in these situations such as with Cait Corrain, Rachel Smythe, and - also recently and relevant - James Somerton, we need to become increasingly aware of how white voices are still overpowering POC voices, not just in their actions, but in the opportunities they're given over others which they then use to further stifle the voices of those they feel "threatened" by or feel entitled to speak over. While neither James nor Rachel have used sock puppet accounts to "take out the competition" (at least as far as we know lmao) James did quite literally steal the words and voices of queer writers who were deserving of their time in the spotlight, and Rachel's work is being quoted as "rewriting Greek myth" as if its blatant gentrification and appropriation should be marketed as some sort of positive.

It's all too common for these deeply-rooted prejudices to rear their ugly heads and for the people who carry them to act out in this way while justifying it as "jealousy" or "a mistake". This isn't jealousy. This isn't a mistake. This isn't someone "starting drama". This is genuine, targeted hate, with the intention of snuffing out the voices of others who should be empowered, not silenced.

All that time and effort, and for what? Racism and petty jealousy? It just goes to show, it doesn't matter how many opportunities you're given, how high up on the ladder you already are - it won't fix the deeply-rooted insecurity and racial pettiness that spurs people on to do such horrible things.

I've spent enough of my time and words today talking about Cait, and James, and Rachel. So to end this off, I want to join in with all the others who have highlighted the books that were review-bombed by Cait, and help in uplifting them so they can have successful debuts. I'll be pre-ordering a few of them, so I'll be happy to make dedicated posts for them in the future after they release. Please consider purchasing them for yourself if you want some new reading material <3

The Poisons We Drink by Bethany Baptiste:

So Let Them Burn by Kamilah Cole:

To Gaze Upon Wicked Gods by Molly X Chang:

Mistress of Lies by K.M. Enright

Voyage of the Damned by Frances White:

(I'm sure there are plenty others so if I missed any here, please let me know so I can add them here and check out their books!)

If there's any silver lining to this, I hope that it makes people aware of the media they consume and who it's being created by. I hope it makes people more willing to seek out the books that aren't getting the same opportunities as Cait Corrain and Rachel Smythe. I hope it's a wake-up call to the industry that matters like this need to be taken seriously and that POC writers are still being silenced under their own noses. And most of all, I hope it's a reminder that we shouldn't even need at this point that this behavior is not okay, no matter what level a person climbs to - that just because someone is part of one minority doesn't mean they're not capable of sabotaging another. It sucks that that has to be said, it sucks that despite these groups being so intersectional there are still people within them who submit to their deeply-rooted insecurities and find ways to feel threatened that they use to justify hateful behavior.

Having a platform is a privilege. It should never be weaponized against your own peers or those who you simply feel "threatened" by for no reason beyond your own imposter syndrome or doubts or internal struggles. Because as much as you may feel like you've earned where you are, that never gives you the right to weaponize your opportunities against others who were never given those same opportunities in the first place. "Feminism" is not using your power to crush "other women". "Progressiveness" is not exclusive to the progress that only benefits you.

I wish only the best to those who were affected by the actions of Cait Corrain. You deserve to be heard and seen and appreciated for the work you do and the abuse you've had to tolerate. I look forward to your debuts in 2024 <3

[jayktoralldaylong]

Seeing Lestat again in Season 2 really reminded me how much Armand broke him. No one has been able to make Lestat cry the way Armand makes Lestat cry. And that's saying something cause his abusive parents and Magnus came before Armand, but no one has matched Armand's level of crazy.

And I think it's because the other tortures were...brief?

He ran away from home, the abuse from his parents stopped. Magnus died and that stopped too. Armand, meanwhile, has decided to dedicate the rest of his immortal existence to torturing Lestat. It has become his favourite pass time.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

Even the scorned women are learning work from Armand. 💀

Everything about Armand just messes with a person's mind.I t's the way he's not even chasing Lestat around for me. 😭😭😭

He really like "I'm old enough to be your biggest problem by staying in the same spot for 5 centuries." And he was right. 💀😭

I hear the next season is gonna be The Vampire Lestat and oooooh boy. 💀💀 People are about to discover just how terrible Armand can be. Baby's name gonna be dragged in the mud when the secrets get out. Gonna see if he can gaslight his way out of this one.

(Who am I kidding? Bro was torturing Louis and Daniel AND still had us feeling sorry for him. He can gaslight his way out of anything.)

[orphiclovers]

It's so hard to reread orv because any time Secretive Plotter is on screen sending his lil messages I'm kicking my feet and giggling n shit. That's him that's my boy!! There he goes...!!

If I were to be poetic about it, seeing him feels to me like seeing Bihyung in World of Zero felt like to Kim Dokja.

And also we now have context for what he was thinking here.

...Let's ignore how that last line makes me cry and focus on the fact this proves Secretive Plotter himself sent this message, not any of the kkomas

He's so sassy. The impression Kim Dokja gets of SP throughout the novel is: oh quirky funny constellation -> uh oh he's terrifying and crazy -> oooooh those were the kkomas sending those messages. But then if you really think about it there's an extra step where he goes back to being really funny and quirky

[midnight1nk]

So, this week's episode...

[Spoilers below cut]

save me SMG4 episode save me

(the following is my live reaction:)

moo-stache moo-stache moo-stache

why do I feel like Pedro's going to be here?

"bruh Pedro was just a one-time thing." they literally killed off Mickey, ANYTHING can happen

KAIZO YOU'RE BACK HI

OMG please tell me someone from the Team saw this fan animation and put it in the episode as a nod to the animator, that would be awesome!!!

btw great fan animation, go check it out if you haven't [link]

YAYYYY, c'mon Mario you gotta spend time with your brother :)

also I need to find a playthrough of this game while I work

whoops my hand slipped [*makes 4 say "I should've chosen the USB over you, 3"*] :)

Hey Shroomy :D ....oh *western spaghetti flashbacks*

like seriously, I can't hear that audio the same way again

helicopter helicopter (copter)

oh hey swag *he fades away* NOOOOOO

well, digging did (mostly, sorta) help the last episode

OMG HI HI HI MY SILLIES

Three, why are you here if you think it's stupid? unless... 🫵 🏳️‍🌈⁉️

it's giving "I'm only here to support my boyfriend's interests", like I'm starting to believe that they truly are dating behind the scenes

they're on a date, your honor 💙💜

and there they go bickering again smh /affectionate

I'd like to think that ever since Four drives a forklift, that's just his method of transportation. screw the car, we're taking this baby out for a spin :)

Mario, you need to be ✨forklift certified✨

sorry, just Three's gayass poses give me life

actually yeah why is the line not moving?

the boys :)

also that walk animation tho

HOW LONG IS THIS LINE?!

also c'mon Three, show us your dance moves :D

oooooh that editing i love that

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING

now that they've mentioned it, why are there so many conventions happening at the same time? hmmmmm *game theory theme starts playing*

SMG3: "Maybe they're lining up to go to your mom's house. That line's usually pretty long." DAYUM THREE

"the line doesn't end" ayo wtf????

shroomy, you've eaten mushrooms before and you had no problem with that

....it really is the end of the world huh

ONE WEEK LATER?!?!?!?

"there is no end" "the end will come" me, sitting in the corner: hmmmmmmmmm

whelp, it's confirmed, I kin Four now

Three's not going coo co crazy, he's just vibin' :)

THIS IS WARRRRRR

this whole fighting scene omg it's SO good!

....WOTFI? ok no :P

AWWW THAT WAS ACTUALLY SWEET DUDE

CAN WE PLEASE GET A HUG? FOR ME SPECIFICALLY?

.... yeah uh Boopkins, you're going to have to explain what the hell you mean by that

not that it's surprising, we've been through a lot. just another Tuesday (or Saturday in this case)

MY HEART CAN'T TAKE ALL THIS FLUFF

HUG HUG HUG

THAT'S MY BOYS

RAVE PARTY [*dances*]

....sonic, is that you? sorry, my mind is still in the sonadow generations phase so I can't unsee them

:O wait, Boopkins, what did you mean by that?

MARTY?!?!? WTF

SMG4: "Don't worry, Mario. There's one way we can fix this." Beat the shit out of him...? YEAH I KNEW IT HAHA

*explodes*

and congrats to samgagmincho for your art featured at the end credits 🎉

.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.

This was a fun episode, I loved it!! Seeing my boys is always a plus and I appreciate the return of some side characters. With how the world is right now, I really needed this episode. So, thanks Team, for keeping my spirits up.

I just enjoyed watching my silly little guys doing silly little adventures. Traffic is a nightmare so I don't blame Mario in the slightest. Anyway, 3 and 4, how was your date? /silly

Can we just talk about the animation? It was so good!!! You really see the quality they put in, especially in that fighting scene. I didn't expect MARTY of all people to be the cause of all this. I honestly thought it was going to be a gag of something harmless just being in the middle of the road for no reason (like a turtle or smth) and the Crew being like "ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!" but NOPE, Marty was here and apparently A SORCERER?! I really shouldn't be surprised, what am I talking about here. And ofc the OG duo immediately beating the shit out of him is so fucking funny to me. He didn't die (I know that), but he's definitely going to be more relevant in the future.

...puzzlevision 2? ok I'm sorry

SMG4 show and jokes aside, I hope you all are ok. No matter what happens, we'll stick together. Don't give them the satisfaction that they want. You aren't alone, and we'll keep on fighting.

Going to be a Sonic fan here, Sonic 06 is famously known to be... augh. But there is a good moment with Shadow that I think is relevant now:

Mephiles (the villain of the game): "It's futile. The world will betray you. Why fight at all? Why risk your life for those who will persecute you later?" Shadow: "If the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have."

Take care, my dear fellows, and I'll see you all in my next post!! Hmmm, there is "no end" [*game theory intro plays*]

[becauseimswagman1]

Toxic Love

A/N:.... it's been forever since I've posted...I'M BACK WITH THE SMUT GUYS. Don't be afraid to comment either!!!

A/N#2: he got some pretty teeth y'all

This for you @itsbackwoodsbby 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

(She wrote something for me. Gotta get her backkkk)

------------------------------

To say that you and your man are a toxic couple is downplaying just how toxic y’all actually are. He cheats and cheats, yet you stay. “Why?” is the million-dollar question. You could say you love him, but you could also say you love the money he makes. See your man is a drug dealer, but not just any ole drug dealer, he’s feared. He’s not to be messed with in any way, so what made you finally get his lying and cheating ass back? The most recent bitch he cheated on you with.

Her name is whor- Hazel. Hazel been tryna get at your man forever. You’re surprised he even fucked that fuck-anything-that-walks, homewrecking ass girl, but niggas will be niggas you guess. You’ve come to realize that they’ll fuck anyone and anything.

Anyways, you got him back by fucking his fine ass, big dick-having-ass cousin. Guess it really does run the family, but the dick was trash and the head was bomb, but if your man asks then all of it was better than him.

You could only imagine how crazy he acted once he found out, but he was almost done with his drops for the day so you’d find out in a minute or two.

---------------------------------

You hear a car door slam and shortly after the front door slam too, “Ayo what the fuck am I hearing bout you fucking my cousin Dre?!”

You almost laughed, his anger was comical to you. You admit you did act like this when you found out he cheated the first time, but as smart as he is… you figured he would’ve figured everything out by now.

You shrugged at him, “Oh they talking about that already? Damn word get around fast. And don’t be slamming the doors in this house!”

“It’s true? You sit up here living this lavish ass lifestyle and you decide to act like one of yo lil friends and fuck anybody with a pulse.”

Okay, he was doing too much now. It’s not like you slept with half the motherfuckers in his gang unlike someone (Hazel).

You stood up off the couch, “Nah, Trevante fuck you! I don’t know why you tryna make me out to be some type of hoe but that shit not gone fly. Yo black ass acting like I fucked yo brother or something. It was just your cousin so back up off me.”

He walked over to you and got in your face, “Tell me that shit not true. Tell me it’s not so I can go pop the nigga that told me.”

Damn, did he have the grill in today? Top AND bottom too? Mhmmmm.

You stared up into his eyes as innocently as you could while he looked down at you, “Sorry baby, but… it’s true. And it was sooo good, too. He fucked me way better than you.”

God, he’s wearing the cologne that makes you soak your panties in record time.

“Oooooh now he’s better than me? I’ll murk that nigga right now, blood or not. Keep on testing me, ma.”

He’s gonna fuck you up. He’s no longer mad at the get back, but the thoughts of another man fucking you better and that you could possibly leave him because of that haunt him now.

“I’ll be here to wash your clothes when you get back. Just don’t come in here dripping blood and shit. It’ll be a bitch to get out our new carpets.”

Trevante could see how unphased you were about this whole thing and it only pissed him off more. You gave away your pussy and that belonged to him.

He grabbed your neck and got real close to your face, “Say he’s better than me again, and watch what happens to you.”

You smirked, this is exactly what you wanted, “He’s better than you. Maybe this will teach you not to fuck with dirty ass hoes.”

He chuckled, tightening his hold on your neck a little, “So you mad I fucked one of yo lil friends?”

“She’s not-” He cut you off, “Right. She’s not. But you really went out and did what you did as a get back? You put on your big girl panties and took a shot at me? That’s a mistake, baby.”

He pecked your lips then threw you over his shoulder, “You gone regret that shit.”

“Baby-”

“Nah, don’t “baby” me now. You was just talking all that shit, it’s time to put your money where your mouth is.”

Trevante took you to your shared room and sat you down on your feet then grabbed your neck again, making you look at him, “You gonna be good for Daddy?”

“Mhm.” you avoided his heated stare. You knew what he had in store for you was gone have you acting right...for now.

He tightened his grip on your neck, “Words ma, or you not gone get what you deserve.”

“I’ll be daddy’s good gir-” he adjusted your head to look at him in his eyes, “Good what?”

“I’ll be daddy’s good little slut.”

He pecked your lips and let your neck go, “Take your panties off. Ass up, face down.”

------------------------

Taglist: lmk if you wanna be added or taken off

@prettyisasprettydoes1306 @thatone-girly

@blackerthings @roguekiki @enigmadivine

@novaniskye @ziayamikaelson @twocentuar

[matchadobo]

KIDD; hockey player kidd x figure skater reader

summary: title says it all

warning/s: none, very fluff, gn reader

* thinking about hockey player kidd who's been exceling since high school as that athlete kid and figure skater name that was also unstoppable in ice.

* kidd is an absolute monster at the rink, as aggressive as hockey players are; kidd was perfectly suited to this. the team's ace and is totally the most jackass member; nobody can say shit about it because he carries the team. he's a good team captain but not a good senpai, he'd enjoy making the rookies suffer and would entirely destroy them at initiation, he says it'll only make them stronger

* just imagine kidd in a jersey 😩 that big angry man who's as pale as snow with his fiery red hair standing out in the rink. would probably have 1 as the jersey no. cuz he boastful like that. and oooooh when he raises his jersey to wipe off cold sweat during practice and that sculpted fucking body just oooooh

* you know i fight fire with fire so figure skater name who has the same amount of feist, skill, and stature in the field minus the arrogance

* so when you and him met, imagine the absolute pandemonium. it'll happen on one winter olympics where the only thing you two agree about is how each other ticks you off. you two'll meet at the bleachers by the rink because you both plan on using it at that time

* "got here first." he'll say, tone assertive as he fixes up his shoes. "and?" you'd reply walking closer to him with both hands on your jacket pockets. "i, will be using the rink. and you, should go." he wouldn't budge, would instead stand up and try intimidate you. "nah," you'd clicked your tongue, taking off your jacket. "don't wanna. you don't even own the place." you left your stuff by the bleachers to enter the rink and left him fuming

* he'd then watch you on your competitions to get to know the jackass who messed with him.

* "since when were you interested in figure skating?" killer would ask and he'd receive a glare from the other. "was just checkin' if the rink is big enough." then he'd leave 🤣 killer will look at the screen and immediately knew why kidd was acting like that

* since then, you two will somehow bump into each other a whole lot. and each time you two see each other, kidd would either avoid you or scowl at you. that's why your impression of him was really, really bad. you thought of him as a local athlete asshole.

* so when his match finally came and you were there to watch him, you saw how much of a different person he was. he was his team's ace and captain. how he carries himself in the ice was reason enough why he was the captain. you studied him thoroughly: no matter the vulgar shit that comes out of his mouth with all the curses and insults, he radiated an attractive kind of leadership. his kouhais and mates listened to him and once the game plays out, next thing you know they're winning. his kouhais looked at him with much admiration, and it looks like you are too.

* when the game finished and you went outside to get some food and to your surprise, he was buying the same burgers you were eyeing.

* "i swear, you're following me aren't you?" kidd barked, clicking his tongue. "i'll have you know that i'm a regular here. if anything, you're the one following me." you rolled your eyes, fishing out money from your wallet. "tch, i better fuckin' leave then." he started walking away as you waited for your food. "h-hey wait," you called out, contemplating if you should continue. "congrats on winning, you were pretty cool back there."

* he'd scowl again, start to blush profusely as red as his hair, and leave 😭 you'd be kinda hurt but what else can you do about it? he started avoiding you since then

* little did you know he'd be watching you at your next match at the farthest top of the bleachers just so no one would know. kil would 🤪

* kidd would be so in love with how you move, would go crazy about the fact that you two shared a rink to victory. he never appreciated artsy and dramatic shit and that's exactly what youwere doing, but you might've just change that. as someone who would only be interested in aggressive cool shit, this was a first for him. he'd watch you earnestly: how your expressions change, the shape of you, or how your body twists and dances gracefully on ice. he wouldn't be able to sleep that night especially on what you told him after his match.

* so he visited the rink once more to clear his head and figured he might see you there again, in a very unlikely chance he did see you. he figured you seem to be practicing for finals. "it's midnight." he'd greet you, his deep voice echoing in the hall. "yeah. and you're here." you stopped, skating towards the bleachers. "gotta practice for finals too?" you added. "nope, don't need to." arrogance once more, it pissed you off but now you're amused. "of course you don't," you smiled. "then what're you doing here? you must be tired from today, right?"

* he'd take a while to answer, as if thinking if he should honestly answer. kidd would always speak his mind, he was blunt and that's what he was known for. so right now, as the glass of the rink was separating the both of you in the cold ambience of midnight, he was too lost in you to think properly. he'd just brush you off and say, "'s none of your damn business. i can't sleep, maybe the ice'd fuckin' help." he dismissed, crossing his arms and looking the other way.

* so an idea popped in your head, "if you wanna take your mind off of something, maybe skating would help. go put on some skates." you skated away, continuing on your practice. not thinking about if he'd ignore you or agree. he gave no response but left, it saddened you a little

* only that he returned and is now skating with you with a mild blush on his cheeks, he said it's due to the cold and a pale ass like him becomes red as hell in those times 🥺😞. playful insults turn into snippets of your backstories then into little things about each other as you both glide across the ice. he can speak normally without insults after all.

* you two didn't mind the time at all, nor the press camping out the venue catching some pictures of your little adventures with the scotland's hockey team captain as you two snag foods from 24hour food places within the vicinity. nor does kidd give a fuck about the articles that resurfaced the next day about the rumored relationship with you

* "so you two hit it off, huh?" your coach asked you and his teammates interrogated him. you two just dismissed them with flushed red cheeks.

* after the olympics, you two didn't even try to hide the fact that you are going on dates.

[sassytommykinard]

Okay in honor of the potential 8x06 date, BuckTommy? Would they do costumes on Halloween? If so, separate or couples? What would they be?

Oooooh. I think Buck would have to promise Tommy an assortment of sexual favors to get him to dress up, but Buck would be all for that too of course.

It would have to be a couple's costume. Buck wouldn't allow anything less. He gets the clipboard out and they head to like ten Party Cities to find the perfect one and Tommy drives to every single one because Evan's excited and he's so adorable about it.

All right, I'm writing a ficlet about this. Sorry.

****

"All of them are terrible," Evan laments, looking at the array of couple's costumes at the fifth Party City they've been to in two days. Tommy can't quite believe he's spent most of his 48 off looking for Halloween costumes, but he supposes that's what happen when you're in love with a total dork.

"Hey," Evan pokes him in the shoulder. "Are you listening to me?"

"There aren't any good couple's costumes and it's very homophobic," Tommy says and Evan's face brightens like it always does when Tommy makes it clear that, despite the occasional craziness, Tommy always listens to him.

Evan throws his hands up. "Exactly. I'm sorry I dragged you around like this," he says miserably. "I just can't find anything that will be good enough to go to dinner at Micelli's on Halloween."

"Baby," Tommy says gently. "Why do you want to go there so badly? There are a hundred different restaurants in LA we could go to for Halloween."

Evan shrugs. "Because it's our six-month anniversary. And that date was going really well, before I, you know, was an idiot-"

"Hey," Tommy chides. "Don't talk about my boyfriend like that."

Evan rolls his eyes but has a fond grin rolling the corners of his lips up. "Okay, okay. But anyway. I don't know, I guess I want to turn it into a good memory instead of a supremely awkward one."

Tommy has to kiss him about that, so he does. "You're very sweet. Come on, let's go home and put Bridgerton on and comb through Pinterest some more. We'll find something."

Evan narrows his eyes at him. "For someone that didn't even want to do this, you're being very supportive about it."

"Yeah, well, I love a dork. What can you do?"

Evan does exactly what Tommy had hoped he would do: he laughs and snags Tommy's hand, turning to head to the front door of the store.

"I love you too. Okay, Bridgerton it is....wait!"

Tommy almost bumps into his back. "What?"

Evan turns to him again. "Bridgerton! Oh my God, babe, you're a genius!"

"We're going to go as two of the guys from Bridgerton, aren't we?"

Evan grabs his face and smacks a kiss to his mouth. "Yep! Let's go thrifting for costumes?"

Tommy sighs. "Lead on, Benedict."

[smuttysabina]

Poki Pops your Cherry

(Pokimane x Male Reader, 2000 words) Tags: First time sex, blindfolded sex, blowjob, creampie, extremely thick asses, wide breedable hips.

Poki welcomes you into her room with a knowing smile, her soft hands confidently pulling you towards the bed. Your heart hammers in your chest, you cannot believe that this is really happening, that Pokimane is actually going to take your virginity... Noticing your nervousness, she soothes you, everyone is jittery when they first meet up, even her! She gently guides you onto the edge of the mattress, still holding you hands is she earnestly squeezes them, "Just relax okay? This will be fun I promise, but you've got to chill a little bit. That's it, deep breaths, in and out, in and out... there you go. Now its nice to meet you, as you know my name is Pokimane, and yeah, we're going to be having sex! Its always awkward during this first part, but it will get better I promise. Okay so tell me about yourself... oh- oh! Wait this is going to be your first time? Oooooh I'm so excited! I love teaching guys how to fuck, this is going to be so fuuuuun. First things first, strip for me, I gotta see what I'm working with!"

With Poki urging you on, you shyly strip off your clothes while she watches approvingly from the bed, her legs crossed elegantly. She nods in satisfaction, as she takes in the whole picture, she's glad you're decently cute. She doesn't really mind looks that much, but she does place a premium on being clean and well trimmed; so good job, you wont have to use her shower before proceeding. In one fluid motion, Poki is off the bed and hugging you tight, even through her dress you can feel her warmth. She leans up to give you the faintest of kisses, before producing a long scarlet clothe. She instructs you to memorize her face, because for this next bit you're going to be blindfolded. You see, Poki has this problem where guys just get so excited seeing her naked that they simply ejaculate prematurely; often without her even touching them. So she wants to make sure you can last long enough to enjoy your first time properly; and she has so much to teach you as well... So your last sight before everything goes red is Poki's face, comfortingly smiling as she wraps the cloth around your eyes. Taking you by the hand once more, she pulls you forward to the bed, laying you down against some pillows. You hear Poki stripping, the rasp of silk as it slithers to the ground, the soft clatter as she kicks her shoes off, the creak of the bed as she clambers onto it, and she begins to explain how this is going to happen,

"So here's what we're going to do, before we can fuck, I'm going to have to teach you how to fuck. Give me your hands- And to do that, I need to teach you how to please a woman, there is so much more to it than just sticking it in. Okay story time, the first few times I've done this, guys would just have me bend over, they'd stick it in, and then just cum. It was so, unsatisfying, both for me and the guy! Like congrats dude, you just had your 10 seconds of pleasure, now do you want to like just chat or something? It was so bad... so now instead, I set the pace, and I make sure that you guys know how to be with a girl. So I'm tying your hands up, because I want you to learn about my body, and not just go crazy and start squeezing everything alright? So the first thing to remember, is touch..."

Poki presses her nude body onto yours, and your bare flesh squishes together, as she slides against you. You feel two pillows of softness settle onto your chest, molding with your skin, sticking slightly as she settles in. And she stays like that for a little while, attuning her breathing your own, idly caressing for a time before subsiding; allowing you to grow comfortable with your novel situation. Poki's hot breath caresses your neck as she slowly approaches your ear, you shudder as she murmurs in it, "Next, you gotta know how to kiss properly, girls love to get kissed... And guys too..." With that Poki's gently plants kisses along your neck and up your cheek until her soft lips find your own. She keeps them tightly pursed, making sure that you fully appreciate the feeling of her lips before bring your tongues into the equation. So when she does deepen the kisses, your tongue eagerly seeks out the warmth of her mouth; you both tilting your heads to enjoy it. Poki sucks upon your tongue, gently applying suction to it as you moan into her mouth. She guides your tongue in how to wrestle properly, deliberately forcing you to take your time and enjoy yourself.

When Poki is satisfied, you are both panting slightly, and you can tell from the lascivious way that she drags her breasts up towards your face that you're doing well. She playfully nuzzles your face between her breasts, the squishy flesh sticking your cheeks as their warmth suffuses you. Then, with an unseen smile, she tells you to open your mouth, and you readily comply. Something soft and rough, mounted upon the oily flesh you are fast growing accustomed to, enters your mouth; and you enthusiastically slurp upon it. Poki lets out a squawk, whacking your head in disapproval, "Hey! You have to be gentle with them, nipples are super sensitive okay? Now start on outside and work your way in... uh huh that's it, spiral in slowly... you have to tease it to make it really pop, then you can give it that 'good sucky sucky' lol" Poki sighs as her nipple hardens and grows larger in your mouth, allowing you to play with it to your heart's content. Only then does she let her now swollen nipple to pop out of your mouth, before quickly feeding you the other one. All the while, her hand occasionally finds its way down to your crotch, idly tracing along your shaft to make sure it hasn't prematurely spent itself.

Abruptly, Poki detaches you from her now flushed nipple, tenderly ending your suckling session; your mouth has more important things to do... You feel her stand up, shifting her weight to either side of you as she holds your head steady. You smell something unfamiliar, salty and sharp, that makes your blood pound through your veins, your neurons firing with thrilled anticipation. Your body knows what is coming, even if you do not. Poki purrs down from above you, "You had better be careful with this, okay? Now take your time, and just feeeeel it out, I'll tell you what to do when you're ready..." With that, something warm and fishy is pressed against your lips, and at her urging you taste her. Her pussy is a soft slit, crowned with hooded nub, and beneath... a wet hole awaits. Your tongue explores every inch of it, spreading her lips, wriggling your tongue into her sex, licking at her clit. Poki endures your amateur attentions for some time, before teaching you how to please her in particular properly. She tells you exactly how she likes it, making you focus on her clit, doing circular motions with your tongue and sucking upon it gently. Eventually though, she removes your head from its place between her thick, sweaty thighs; strands of saliva still connecting you to her mound. Evidently you did a good enough job that she is moving on to her next.. task for you. And there is very little you haven't done yet...

"You did pretty good, but what's important is that I'm now wet enough for penetration. Oh... I can tell you're getting excited now! Hey, hey, just chill, sit back, and relax. Let me do all the work, I just want you to enjoy how it feels got it? I would let you watch but... yeah no I want you to cum in me for your first time, not all over my thighs." Poki crouches upon you, her breasts grazing your chest as her hand firmly holds your manhood upright. Your tip senses her warmth, straining upwards, mindlessly seeking to unload your seed. A soft breath kisses your ear, "Ready to get your cherry popped...?" You nod frantically, as Poki slowly sits on your dick. The first thing in is your head, engulfed in warmth, the tightness of her entrance noticeable just beneath it. Then she goes lower, languidly taking your entire length until your twitches can be felt in her belly. Poki's folds lightly massage your cock, far different from the hard clenching that masturbation bestows. Then she is moving, and your brain turns to mush. Poki's pussy slides up and down you, the sensation and hotness of being inside her is intoxicating; no wonder so many of your predecessors finished so quickly... The mere thought of the inevitable finale of your sex sends your balls surging upwards, throbbing with ecstasy. Poki adjusts the pace of her bouncing, accommodating your growing climax with deep, long movements. Just as you reach the edge of no return, your blindfold is suddenly removed; making you blink as your eyes drink in the wonderful sight before you. Poki beams in pride, her heavy breasts flush from your affection, her wide shapely hips, and between them... the faint implication of a bush leading down to the point of your joining; where your cock is buried inside of Pokimane.

With primal groan you empty yourself into Poki, thick ropes of your cum spewing into her, coating her pussy with your potent seed. Who rides out your climax with a smile, her thick thighs methodically pumping herself atop you until you are full drained. Poki slowly unmounts you, until you cock flops out onto your chest, glistening with your shared sexual fluids. A wet slick of semen soon follows it, splattering down onto your twitching shaft; evidence of the massive quantities you filled her with. With the faintest look of embarrassment, Poki scoots herself backwards to clean the mess of off your still sensitive cock; her attentions resulting in another round of piteous moans. When she is finished, she moves back up onto you, reaching behind you to free your hands at last. She cuddles against you, lazily inviting you to explore her body with your hands while she chatters in the afterglow of sex, "Mmmmm that was nice, wasn't it? Fuck, dude you came so much in me, it lasted so long I thought you were having a seizure or something! Hey! What did I tell you about handling a girl's body with care? That's right mister, be gentle... oh and like, don't be rough with my pussy, most girls are pretty tender after sex... Mhmm just savor the moment, this is the best part after all... cuddling together, enjoying each others' company, enjoying each other's bodies... Oh, woah you really must have saved up for this, you're getting hard again already? Gotta love it when their young... How about this time, I let you do all the work, okay?"

With that she seductively untangles herself from your embrace, crawling down the bed a bit, her butt now on full display. Her massive cheeks frame the hollow in which her entrance resides, supported by her majestically rounded thighs. Poki turns back to look it you with flirtatious amusement, she spreads one cheek wide, revealing her slick, swollen pussy for your pleasure. She leans downwards, arching her back with erotic intent, wordlessly urging you to make love to her once more. Poki knows how much guys love mounting her fat ass from behind, so what are you waiting for?

Get over there and fuck Pokimane until your balls are dry!

[kurokawaia]

THERE GOES MY BABY~ 彡 Feitan Portor

WC; 500+ | !MDNI! | TW/CW : x fem!reader

REQUEST :: HIIIII! I was wondering if you could write a Feitan x reader where every time he leaves for to long to do a mission or something she becomes that usher meme where he’s sliding in the floor with the song there goes my baby it doesn’t have to be long or anything I just want something funny I really like your work I hope you have a good day (btw idk if a specified it a lot but if you could can you make the reader fem) ❤️- ANON

m.list | hxh m.list

Every time Feitan leaves on a mission, you tell yourself, "This time, I am going to be normal." And every time, without failure, you manage to prove yourself completely wrong. You have always greeted him with the same gesture ever since you saw that one Usher clip. You have decided to do this for a while now; this is your first shot.

Feitan has been gone for a couple of days and he should be back soon, today hopefully. YOu'll be able to detect his presence before he enters your shared apartment. One of your favourite things about you and Feitan's relationship is that you're the sunshine and he's the big grump, and he also doesn't know what you're going to do next.

You go crazy when Fei isn't home for too long, you need him in more ways than one, in bed and just for the daily comforts, and you love snuggling up to him (he says he hates it but he's effectively lying). 

There goes my baby You don't know how, good, it Feels to call you my girl

You're on the verge of slamming your head onto the coffee table, you so desperately wanted the song out of your head but you only. And you wouldn't, not until you get to slide on the floor to your man. 

Go ahead and play the tune in your head; it's always that song. "There goes my baby… Oooooh, girl, look at you…" You sing out as you fall to your knees, sliding on the waxed floor like some movie star in a music video, arms outstretched as you could feel seitan playing and unlocking the lock at the door.  And then on cue, the door opens. Feitan stands there, wrapped in his dark cloak, one eyebrow arched higher than it has ever been. For a moment, he's silent, his brain processing the utter sight of it all, his hard assassin's mind almost short-circuiting at the absurdity. "You.... are... so... strange," he finally mutters, his lips twitching as if in a fight against a smirk. You freeze, looking up from his torso, your eyes meeting with his own, your chin placed up against his cloak, a smile wide on your lips. Your cheeks are flushed pink. God, you missed him so much. 

"Took you long enough to realise, Fei," you tease while hugging him tighter.

He shakes his head, "I always known," he scoffs, "You make it obvious now."

Your jaw drops agasint him as you loosen your hold around his torso. "You love me!" you pout.\

"That I do," he says quietly with a sigh because he knows that no matter how odd you are he won't ever leave you because he does love you 🥺

Do not copy, steal, modify, etc. Relogs and like are appreciated.

m.list | hxh m.list

[be-ace-do-no-one]

Oooooh boy call me crazy, but I don't think Vecna's gonna be a thing.

Okay, I might be going crazy but hear me out, the fact that Zerxus specifically mentioned "his ascension" plus seeing them consistently moving away, in the animated series, from anything related to D&D makes me think that instead of having Vecna be the final villain trying to ascend, it's going to be Vespin Chloras coming back and trying it again, it could also explain why the character that seems to be a Vecna cultist in the opening has both eyes covered and bleeding, not just one like, well, Vecna himself has.

[sunshine-and-moonshine]

Cod Men in Wedding Dresses

Requested: No

Warnings: König’s tits, Soap trying to twerk

A/N: I think I might like feminine coded König. Idk, might try forcibly feminizing him later.

It started simply enough, a friend of yours was getting married and invited you and your partner along for wedding dress shopping, wanting your opinion on the matter as they tried on what seemed like hundreds of dresses til they could find one they liked.

And that was when you saw it, the beautiful dress that seemed like it could inexplicably be the same size of your buff boyfriend. They looked at your mischievous grin and followed your gaze to the dress.

Ghost

Ghost sighs, glancing back and forth between you and dress for a moment before simply getting up and snatching it off the rack, making his way to a changing room.

He’s more than a bit uncomfortable when he steps out, fidgeting and trying to adjust it as best he can to make it more comfortable (a futile effort). He can’t understand how anyone can walk in these things!

He looks you in the eyes, deathly serious. “I ain’t wearing this shit on our wedding day.”

Soap

Soap is as curious as a puppy as he sees you eyeing the dress and then looking back at him. Probably misunderstands what you’re thinking of at first. “You can try that on if you want!” He’ll tell you, even if the size is all wrong on you. You’ll have to tell him outright what you’re thinking of or he just won’t get it.

Once he does understand though, he’ll quietly go “oooooh” before grinning and standing up, eagerly snatching the dress up and practically running to the changing room.

When he emerges, he’s striking poses, flexing his muscles and begging you to take pictures. He even tries to do some twerking which ends with him tripping over the dress and face planting on the floor.

König

Poor König doesn’t know what’s going on as you stand up, dragging him to the changing rooms and shoving him in with the dress. He’ll stand there confused for like a solid minute, not understanding what’s happening til you ask him if it fits okay.

When he comes out (after a LOT of coaxing), he’s blushing and fidgeting with the dress, trying to pull the neckline up since the bodice is just a little too tight and keeps slipping down to expose his tits. He’s red and flustered and buries his face in his hands when you try to take pictures of him, muttering incoherent German to himself as you coo over him.

Ultimately though, he didn’t mind it too much and he liked seeing you so happy but he’d prefer not to try on anything like that in public again. But in private would be fine.

Alejandro

It takes Alejandro a minute to understand what’s going on in your head but when he does, he adamantly refuses. It will take quite a bit of begging and bribing before he finally just sighs, weak to all your requests anyways as he yanks the dress off the rack and shuffles to the changing room, pouting at you the whole way.

He looks grumpy when he emerges but THEN he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and bursts out laughing. Giant belly laughs that has the whole store eyeing him like he’s crazy as he starts wheezing and pointing at his reflection. “*¡Me parezco a mi madre!” He’ll chant, never once letting up on his laughter.

He pops several stitches in the dress and later finds out that he now has to buy it so now you have a (rather expensive) wedding dress in Alejandro’s size just sitting in your closet wrapped in plastic.

*¡Me parezco a mi madre! = I look like my mother!

[howlingday]

Nora: Make me toast!

Pyrrha: Nora, I think you're old enough to use the toaster.

Nora: But- But- But last time, fire ensued!

Pyrrha: ...

Nora: LAST TIME FIRE ENSUED!

Pyrrha: Can it wait? I'm working on my homework assignment.

Nora: But I need toast so I can make my pill sandwich!

Pyrrha: ...Your what?

Nora: My medicine says take with food, so I figure, "Why not make it with the food?" So I'm gonna take the pills and put them into my avocado toast. Oooooh~! Delicious~!

Pyrrha: ...

Nora: Also, make me avocado.

Pyrrha: ...

Nora: Also, make me avocado!

Pyrrha: Dammit! It's like someone made a hybrid between a drug-dependent geriatric with a needy pet and spit you out!

Nora: Hey! We can't all have parents that leave us as a child!

Pyrrha: ...W-Wow.

Nora: Too far?

Pyrrha: Yeeeah, a bit...

Nora: I'm sorry your parents sucked.

Pyrrha: IT WAS JUST MY DAD WHO SUCKED!

Ren: (Walking by) Yeah, her mom was crazy.

Pyrrha: (Flips the bird) Stick your dick in an electrical socket!

Ren: And there's the crazy gene.

Nora: ...Y'know what? I get it.

Pyrrha: Because you also had a terrible parent?

Nora: No. I mean, yes, but I was talking about how much fun electrical sockets are.

[rewritingcanon]

Do you have any thoughts on scorbus kids king (beyond Albus insisting that they’re all named after stars and constellations and the likes) because in the same way that they’d get married at like 18-19 a la ‘traditional’ wizards i think they’d be the couple to turn up to christmas one year with a baby without telling anyone (nobody knows how they got the baby and theyre not saying shit) and boom. The first wotter-malfoy grandchild

oooooh! hmm! i actually go back and forth on scorbus children a lot. like i dont have set ocs or anything for them. i can see them with or without kids. i can see them with many or just one. i can see them as boy dads and girl dads. i can see them as all adopted or as donor-conceived. likeeeee i can see everything tbh. but i can tell you what i’m usually set towards:

i reckon one of their babies (i’m thinking the second one if they ever get so far) is sooooo weasley-coded. they don’t act like scorpius or albus but as their fucking grandma ginny. like they may not have the token red hair at all but they certainly act like one. and they’re a stereotypical gryffindor. (first gryffindor malfoy perchance)

i’m also thinking they need to have a diva daughter. like a mini narcissa/lucius just minus the moral abhorrence (they may or may not have a consumerism problem though)

one of the babies has to have the blond malfoy hair. preferably the eldest. idc if that makes me a stickler for tradition.

also i think they would pull the “my grandad is harry potter” “did you know i’m the chosen one’s grandkid?” “oh yeah just going to my pop’s place tonight… did i mention he’s harry potter?” ALL THE TIME 💀 like they would nottttt understand albus’ angst about it (at first) because they won’t experience the same type of pressure as being harry potter’s child.

i think it would be sooo funny if they had kids who are really popular in school and are super charming and good-looking and athletic and just very cool and easily liked. and meanwhile they’re dads are the biggest fucking socially inept losers.

if i was nice i’d give scorpius a bookworm kid. but i don’t think that would happen 😭 he’s fr cursed to be the only nerd there.

now here are some parent!scorbus hcs:

the whole misunderstanding angst between them is scorpius wants to rant to his child about the ottoman empire’s invention of major medical instruments and the child just wants to go play footy with da boys 💔

you best believe albus suffers the potter curse of just never understanding his child 😭 he would totally argue with them all the time. not to the point where they run away though.

i think albus would feel the desire to be a father more than scorpius would initially, but albus would be the strict parent. probably because he did shit like running away and deleting his family from the timeline so he doesn’t want that to happen again yk. how can you blame him

scorpius is the dad that spoils his kids rotten. like he’s NEVER mad. he’s always telling them how proud he is of them and how lovely and cool they are and he’s just constantly inflating their heads to the sizes of large balloons. he’s the dad they go to when they want to ask for something because he’ll normally give it to them. he’d rather they be brats then be unconfident and hate themselves.

also scorpius would get crazy separation anxiety. like it doesnt matter if his kid is 25 that’s his baby and they need to be in arms reach at all times

albus can be the type to freak out at his kids ngl 😭 tbf i dont think he’d do it without reason but he will definitely make them cryyyy and run to their rooms. yk when one of ur parents yells at you when ur a kid and u cry angry tears and can’t verbalise your feelings because you’re tiny and dont know the right words yet. and then you look to your other parent for help and they’re just standing at the side like “🧍‍♂️” yeah the one just standing there is scorpius 💀 no way he’s risking getting clocked too.

scorpius might not voice it in the moment but he’s very good at damage control and managing his family who probably runs quite high on emotions. also he’ll sneak his kids sweets to cheer them up even if they deserved to get yelled at lol

albus is the dad that cleans and washes and styles his daughters’ hair 😭 and he will do it aggressively too like he ties the cleanest but tightest braids and plaits and ponytails you best believe. also he doesn’t play around when his kids come home from primary school with a head lice notification slip. best believe he’s going to scrape through everything.

the kids definitely think scorbus are way too lovey-dovey with each other. cringiest parents ever.

albus is definitely the “how dare you talk to your father like that” kind of guy about scorpius.

albus would pack the most delectable lunch boxes ever and scorpius would write the sweetest daily notes for their kids and put them in the lunchboxes to cheer them

they do not play about bullying whatsoever. someone is getting right hooked if anyone dares with their kid. not hexed, right hooked

albus sobbed when he had to say goodbye to his first child for hogwarts. like he ugly cried right in the middle of the platform. almost collapsed.

scorpius is bombarding their kid with letters. like he’s writing them four times a day to ask how things are and how theyre finding classes and if their classmates are good to them?? and has to be asked to stop 😭

yk how harry was gassing tf out of hogwarts to albus only for it to be shit? just know albus is telling the biggest horror stories about the school to their kid only for them to go there and for it to be fine. this is the visual vibe btw:

albus’ favourite kid is definitely the one who is most like scorpius in some way. but he will deny it

scorpius still tucks them in every night no matter if they’re adults

albus is the type to bitch out alllll of his kids’ friends. “i don’t like [insert friend]” “why” “they seem very…. fake.” “dad you literally have zero friends besides papa why are you speaking rn”

scorpius loves hosting his kids’ birthday parties (bonus if he can make it extravagant) and albus hates it (he dislikes every other child except his own)

albus the type of dad to get the malfoy white streak and a beer belly and blame it on the stress of being a father (he loves his kid(s) heaps, just to be clear).

scorpius would tell his kids when they fell down and scraped themselves that his kiss could make it better. and when he kissed their bruise or cut he’d do a tiny healing spell and fix it so for yearssss these scorbus kids thought their dad was had super magical kisses (yk damn well albus took advantage of that excuse 😭)

if they adopted a kid of another race to them, scorpius is going leaps and bounds to understand his baby’s culture and raise him accordingly so they don’t feel too disconnected (albus will do so too but scorpius would be such an expert at it because he’s a research freak).

i think scorbus would generally follow traditional wizard norms but their kids wouldn’t. the kids are living in the house until they are 35 or something. reason is because their standard of living at home is amazing. albus cooks the best food. they get spoilt rotten by scorpius. they have the combined fortune of two of the richest wizard families… yeah life is good

i shall stop it there but lmk if you want me to yap more because i havent even started on aunt lily and uncle james or their crazy grandparents 😭