#online exams in particular

[3igbootyl0ver]

A New Face

pairing: Tara Carpenter x Reader

summary: where the group of friends meet Chad's new roommate.

word count: 1737

pt.2

a/n: heyyyyy this is my first ever fic I've written, don't mind it being cringy and I'm open to feedback teehee hope ya'll enjoy (p.s I'm new to this whole Tumblr thing cut me some slack 😭)

Chad has been trying to convince the core four to hangout at his apartment. He had been feeling lonely recently since Mindy and Anika had recently moved in together. 

It took him a few weeks to finally convince them into hanging out at his apartment. With Sam’s paranoia and busy work schedule, and the heavy workload for Tara,Mindy, and Anika in college, they were finally able to make the time and hangout. Plus, they could use a new scenery besides the Carpenter’s apartment, right?

That particular day they were supposed to meet up at Chad’s apartment, Tara was feeling under the weather, her finals for her college exam was killing her; And all she wanted to do was eat some greasy dough with sauce and meat while watching scary movies. 

“Hey guys! Come in, the pizza is getting delivered soon.” Chad exclaimed while hopping on his toes, feeling ecstatic since he hadn’t met them for a while. 

“What’s with you? you’re acting like a kid, dude.” Mindy commented, noticing her twin brothers’ gleamed faced and excitement. 

“Sorry, I’ve been lonely and I’m just glad we’re all together again. THE CORE FOUR! And Anika, of course.” 

“Didn’t you put up an online ad for a roommate? Where are they?”

“You don’t learn, do you?” Sam added, frowning with Chad’s method of calling in someone to fill in the extra room. 

Chad abashedly chuckled, and lowered his head, his cheeks burning up from embarrassment. It was Sam, who wouldn’t be scared?

“My roommate is cool! They’re out for work and should be here soon. They’re not a psychotic serial killer, I promise.”

Sam was skeptical, rightfully so. Meanwhile, Tara was sat on the couch, with her legs on the coffee table while scrolling through the tv to find a movie to watch. She couldn’t bother joining in on the conversation. She felt mentally exhausted from her exams and just wanted a day’s rest. 

After a while, the group was playing card games while eating their pizzas and watching movies. 

“That’s not fair Mindy! Stop giving me all the +4 cards!” Tara shrieked, feeling frustrated after getting the card that made her double the number of cards she had at least 4 times, making her chances of winning low.

“Whatever you big baby. Just admit that you suck in uno,” Mindy responded, smirking triumphantly while raising her voice

Tara rolled her eyes, not accepting her defeat and continued arguing with Mindy, with the rest watching amused by the entertainment. Unsurprisingly , Tara lost after Mindy getting rid of her cards before her. She couldn’t get rid of her cards with the suspicious amounts of +4 cards Mindy had. 

“Uno! Looks like I win, LOSER!”

“How about I shove this uno cards up your a-“

Tara’s reply was interrupted by the front door opening, revealing you carrying your backpack on your shoulders and your motorcycle helmet hanging off your hand (which peaked Tara’s interest, of course.) You looked tired, with dark circles under your eye, wearing your hoodie and sweatpants. 

Even so, Tara still thought you were the most beautiful human being she had ever seen. She was practically having heart eyes and drooling at this point, with Mindy noticing her stare and grinning cheekily. 

“What’s up dude. Tough day at work?” Chad commented, trying to create a conversation. 

“You know it, man” you softly chuckled while locking the door. 

“Anyways, my friends are gonna be here for a while. I hope you don’t mind,”

“Not at all, I’m probably just going to take a nap anyways,” you replied, finally looking at the group of people staring you. 

Mindy gave you a nod, already knowing who you were from her brother. Anika smiled and waved at you, which you responded by giving a soft smile back. Sam was staring you down, which made you uncomfortable and creeped out but ignored her action. Tara was well, staring at you? But not how Sam stared at you, she had a blank look on her face. 

Once you left and went into the hallway to your room, Mindy decided make a certain Carpenter’s life a living hell. 

“Tara, are you blushing right now? I didn’t know you had a type” she teased

“Shut up, Mindy. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You guys don’t find her suspicious? Seriously?” Sam commented, wondering why they weren’t skeptical like they usually were when there was new people around. 

It wasn’t new, after the incident of Ghostface, they all had their guards up, scared to open up to new people, to new faces. 

“They’re nice, I promise. How about I call them out so you guys can get to know them? They’re Y/N, by the way” Chad suggested, trying to convince them (especially Sam) to get to know you better before jumping into conclusions that you were a serial killer. 

All of them collectively agreed, with Tara nodding with a slight tint on her cheeks. Chad went up to your room and called you out, suggesting that you should hang out with them. Tara assumed it went well, as Chad grinned toothily and walked away. 

You’ve really peaked her interest. She didn’t know she had a type. The people she had dated before didn’t really cast a spark on her.  She didn’t feel happy or enjoyed her time during those relationships. It felt like she was the problem, however the thought was down the drain after going to a few therapy sessions with Sam after the Ghostface incident. Through the sessions, Tara found out that she didn’t feel happy through the lack of trust and being paranoid that her partner would be a killer. That’s understandable, it’s not everyday that your (ex) girlfriend tries to murder you. 

However after seeing you for 10 seconds, her mind was clouded by you. She noticed that you were as tall as Chad and probably plays sports too, based on your physique. All she thought of was finding out more about you.  Do you study in Blackmore? What bike do you own? Do you prefer cats or dogs? Did you find her cute?

‘Come on, Tara. Get it together.’ She reminded herself  after that embarrassing thought. 

When she saw you come out with the same sweatpants, but with a black t-shirt that showed off your arm sleeve tattoo on your left arm, she was practically drooling. You looked hot as fuck. 

“Hey guys, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Y/N”

“I’m Tara,” she quickly replied, seeing Mindy and Anika grinning at each other with a knowing look from her peripheral vision. 

You gave a smile. You looked cute. You had that cute ass dimples no one could ever resist, Tara thought. You might be the death of her. 

The group settled down and decided to watch a movie, you sat the end of the couch while waiting for the movie to start. Mindy, being an (alleged) amazing wingman she is, literally forced Tara into sitting beside you by pushing her. She sat on the couch with a sigh, annoyed at Mindy’s antics and rolled her eyes. Sam was just giggling at the other side of the couch. 

As much as Sam didn’t trust you, she was glad that Tara could act like a normal teenager again. After multiple therapy sessions, she gave Tara a little bit of more freedom and let her make her own decisions, even if it’s distasteful to her. That doesn’t mean she wouldn’t tase someone in the balls again, though. 

You mistakenly thought the sigh Tara gave out was because she had to sit beside you. You had known about what happened to their group from Chad, after he poured his heart out when he was blackout drunk. You understood the group of friends can be lack trust and be suspicious of new people. 

“Sorry, did you want to sit with someone else? I can sit on the floor if you want-“

“No! I mean it’s okay, I don’t mind sitting with you,” Tara replied with a heavy tint on her cheeks, embarrassed at her sudden reaction. 

Throughout the movie, you were munching on your pizza, oblivious to the amount of times Tara took glances at you while trying to think of topics to create a conversation with you. 

“So..How do you find the movie?” Tara questioned you, trying to get to know you a little bit better. 

“It’s alright, though I prefer other scary movies. I definitely do have favourites.”

“Oh, what’s your favourite horror film?”

“I absolutely love The Babadook, it’s amazing because I..” Any words that you uttered out of that beautiful mouth of yours disappeared. The universe must be sending a sign, she needs you badly. There’s no way Chad’s super cute, hot roommate would coincidentally like The Babadook, Tara thought 

“Blah, blah, blah, proper name, place name, backstory stuff..” was all she could hear. 

You on the other hand, only saw Tara staring at you blankly while she had her own inner turmoil and crisis.

“Uh, Tara..? You alright there?” you chuckled awkwardly.

“What? Oh, yeah sorry. I love The Babadook too! What’s your favourite scene?” Tara smoothly taught of a way to continue the conversation, silently cheering for herself. 

It took you both 2 horror films and a shared bag of popcorn to exchange numbers. Tara was secretly cheering in ecstasy of course. She would’ve jumped around and start dancing if she could. It was already close to midnight, and Sam decided that they should go back home before it’s too late to catch the last train.  Tara was devastated, she wished that she could’ve spent more time with you. 

“Soo, I’ll see you next time then? It was nice seeing you.” You initiated a conversation, seeing that Tara was pouting at Sam while trying to convince her into staying a little while longer

“Y-Yeah, see you. We should continue our horror fanatic activities again,” She chuckled, trying to prolong the moment. You nodded your head, giving her a soft smile while leading her, Sam, and the couple out of the apartment, since Chad was knocked out and asleep.

You took your last goodbyes with the group, even giving Sam a small wave, before closing the door. 

In the elevator, all Anika, Mindy and even Sam did was tease her on how red and lovestruck she looked. She didn’t pay any mind to it, all she could ever think of was you. 

[wisteria-lodge]

Manipulative/Morally Grey Dumbledore? An In-Depth Canon Analysis

So when I look at Harry Potter, my goal is to separate what I think the books are intending to say, from what they actually say, from what the movies say… and what the common fan interpretation is. So today I’m interested in Dumbledore, and specifically in the common headcanon of  Manipulative/Morally Gray Dumbledore. Is that (intentionally or unintentionally) supported by the text?

PART I:  Omniscient Dumbledore

“I think he knows more or less everything that goes on here”

In Book 1, yes Dumbledore honestly does seem to know everything. He 100% arranged for Harry to find the Mirror of Erised, publicly left Hogwarts in order to nudge Quirrell into going after the Stone, and knew what Quirrell was doing the whole time. It is absolutely not a stretch, and kind of heavily implied, that the reason the Stone’s protections feel like a little-end-of-the-year exam designed to put Harry through his paces… is because they are. As the series goes on this interpretation only gets more plausible, when we see the kind of protections people can put up when they don’t want anyone getting through. 

Book 1 Dumbledore knows everything… but what he’s actually going to do about it is anyone’s guess. One of the first things we learn is that some of Dumbledore’s calls can be… questionable. McGonagall questions his choice to leave Harry with the Dursleys, Hermione questions his choice to give Harry the Cloak and let him go after the Stone, Percy and Ron both matter-of-factly call him “mad.” The “nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak” speech is a joke where Dumbledore says he’s going to say a few words, then literally does say a few (weird) words. I know there are theories that those particular words are supposed to be insulting the four houses, or referencing the Hogwarts house stereotypes, or that they’re some kind of warning. But within the text, this is pure Lewis Carroll British Nonsense Verse stuff (and people came up with answers to the impossible Alice in Wonderland “why is a raven like a writing desk” riddle too.) 

This characterization also explains a lot of Dumbledore’s decisions about how to run a school, locked in during Book 1. Presumably Binns, Peeves, Filch, Snape are all there because Dumbledore finds them funny, atmospheric, and/or character building. He's just kind of a weird guy.  He absolutely knew that Lockhart was a fraud in Book 2 (with that whole “Impaled upon your own sword, Gilderoy?” thing after Lockhart oblivates himself. ) So maybe he is also there to be funny/atmospheric/character building, or to teach Harry a lesson about fame, or because Dumbledore is using the cursed position to bump off people he doesn’t like. Who knows.

(I actually don’t think JKR had locked in “the DADA position is literally cursed by Voldemort” until Book 6. )

Dumbledore absolutely knows that Harry is listening in when Lucius Malfoy comes to take Hagrid to Azkaban, and it’s fun to speculate that maybe he let himself get fired in Book 2 as part of a larger plan to boot Lucius off the Board of Governors. So far, that’s the sort of thing he’d do.  But in Books 3 and 4, we are confronted with a number of important things that Dumbledore just missed. He doesn’t know any of the Marauders were animagi, he doesn’t know what really happened with the Potter’s Secret Keeper, doesn’t know Moody is Crouch, and doesn’t know the Marauders Map even exists. But in Books 5 and 6, his omniscience does seem to come back online. (In a flashback, Voldemort even comments that he is "omniscient as ever” when Dumbledore lists the specific Death Eaters he has in Hogsmeade as backup.) Dumbledore knows exactly what Draco and Voldemort are planning, and his word is taken as objective truth by the entire Order of the Phoenix - who apparently only tolerate Snape because Dumbledore vouches for him:

“Snape,” repeated McGonagall faintly, falling into the chair. “We all wondered . . . but he trusted . . . always . . . Snape . . . I can’t believe it. . . .”  “Snape was a highly accomplished Occlumens,” said Lupin, his voice uncharacteristically harsh. “We always knew that.”  “But Dumbledore swore he was on our side!” whispered Tonks. “I always thought Dumbledore must know something about Snape that we didn’t. . . .”  “He always hinted that he had an ironclad reason for trusting Snape,” muttered Professor McGonagall (...) “Wouldn’t hear a word against him!”

McGonagall questions Dumbledore about the Dursleys, but not about Snape. I see this as part of the larger trend of basically Dumbledore’s deification. In the beginning of the series, he’s treated as a clever, weird dude. By the end, he’s treated like a god. 

PART II: Chessmaster Dumbledore

“I prefer not to keep all my secrets in one basket.”

When Dumbledore solves problems, he likes to go very hands-off. He didn’t directly teach Harry about the Mirror of Erised - he gave him the Cloak, knew he would wander, and moved the Mirror so it would be in his path. He sends Snape to deal with Quirrell and Draco, rather than do it himself. He (or his portrait) tells Snape to confund Mundungus Fletcher and get him to suggest the Seven Potters strategy. He puts Mrs. Figg in place to watch Harry, then ups the protection in Book 5 - all without informing Harry. The situation with Slughorn is kind of a Dumbledore-manipulation master class - even the way he deliberately disappears into the bathroom so Harry will have enough solo time to charm Slughorn. Of course he only wants Slughorn under his roof in the first place to pick his brain about Voldemort… but again, instead of doing that himself, he gets Harry to do it for him. 

Dumbledore has a moment during Harry’s hearing during Book 5 (which he fakes evidence for) where he informs Fudge that Harry is not under the Ministry’s jurisdiction while at Hogwarts. Which has insane implications. It’s never explicitly stated, but as the story goes on, it at least makes sense that Dumbledore is deliberately obscuring how powerful he is, and how much influence he really has, by getting other people to do things for him. But the problem with that is because he is so powerful, it become really easy for a reader to look back after they get more information and say… well if Dumbledore was controlling the situation… why couldn’t he have done XYZ. Here are two easy examples from Harry’s time spent with the Dursleys:

1. Mrs. Figg is watching over Harry from day one, but she can’t tell him she’s a squib and also she has to keep him miserable on purpose:

“Dumbledore’s orders. I was to keep an eye on you but not say anything, you were too young. I’m sorry I gave you such a miserable time, but the Dursleys would never have let you come if they’d thought you enjoyed it. It wasn’t easy, you know…”

It’s pretty intense to think of Dumbledore saying “oh yes, invite this little child over and keep him unhappy on purpose.” But okay. It’s important to keep Harry ignorant of the magical world and vice versa. fine. But once he goes to Hogwarts… that doesn’t apply anymore?  I’m sure when Harry thinks he’s going to be imprisoned permanently in his bedroom during Book 2, it would’ve been comforting to know that Dumbledore was sending around someone to check on him. And when he literally runs away from home in Book 3… having the address of a trusted adult that he could easily get to would have been great for everybody. 

2. When Vernon is about to actually kick Harry out during Book 5, Dumbledore sends a howler which intimidates Petunia into insisting that Harry has to stay. Vernon folds and does exactly what she says. If Dumbledore could intimidate Petunia into doing this, then why couldn’t he intimidate her into, say - giving Harry the second bedroom instead of a cupboard. Or fixing Harry’s glasses. In Book 1, the Dursleys don’t bother Harry during the entire month of August because Hagrid gives Dudley a pig’s tail. In the summer between third and fourth year, the Dursleys back off because Harry is in correspondence with Sirius (a person they fear.) But the Dursleys are afraid of all wizards. Like at this point it doesn’t seem that hard to intimidate them into acting decently to Harry. 

PART III: Dumbledore and the Dursleys 

“Not a pampered little prince”

JKR wanted two contradictory things. She wanted Dumbledore to be a fundamentally good guy: a wise, if eccentric mentor figure. But she also wanted Harry to have a comedically horrible childhood being locked in a cupboard, denied food, given broken glasses and ill fitting/embarrassing clothes, and generally made into a little Cinderella. Then, it’s a bigger contrast when he goes to Hogwarts and expulsion can be used as an easy threat. (Although the only person we ever see expelled is Hagrid, and that was for murder.)

So, there are a couple of tricks she uses to make it okay that Dumbledore left Harry at the Dursleys.’ The first is that once Harry leaves…  nothing that happens there is given emotional weight. When he’s in the Wizarding World, he barely talks about Dursleys, barely thinks about them. They almost never come up in the narration (unless Harry’s worried about being expelled, or they’re sending him comedically awful presents.) They are completely cut from the last three Harry Potter movies, and you do not notice. 

The second trick… is that Dumbledore himself clearly doesn’t think that the Dursleys are that bad. During the King’s Cross vision-quest, he describes 11-year-old Harry as “alive and healthy (...) as normal a boy as I could have hoped under the circumstances. Thus far, my plan was working well.”  

Now, this could have been really interesting. Like in a psychological way, I get it. Dumbledore had a rocky home life. Dad in prison, mom spending all her time taking care of his volatile and dangerous sister. Aberforth seems to have reacted to the situation by running completely wild, it’s implied that he never even had formal schooling… and Albus doubled down on being the Golden Child, making the family look good from the outside, and finding every means possible to escape. I would have believed it if Molly or Kingsley had a beat of being horrified by the way the Dursleys are treating Harry… but Dumbledore treats it as like, whatever. Business as usual. 

But that isn’t the framing that the books use. Dumbledore is correct that the Dursleys aren’t that bad, and I think it’s because JKR fundamentally does not take the Dursleys seriously as threats. I also think she has a fairly deeply held belief that suffering creates goodness, so possibly Harry suffering at the hands of the Dursleys… was necessary? To make him good? Dumbledore himself has an arc of ‘long period of suffering = increased goodness.’ So does Severus Snape, Dudley‘s experience with the Dementor kickstarts his character growth, etc. It’s a trope she likes.

It’s only in The Cursed Child that the Dursleys are given any kind of weight when it comes to Harry’s psyche. This is one of the things that makes me say Jack Thorne wrote that play, because it’s just not consistent with how JKR likes to write the Dursleys. It’s consistent with the way fanfiction likes to write the Dursleys. And look, The Cursed Child is fascinatingly bad, I have so many problems with it, but it does seem to be doing like … a dark reinterpretation of Harry Potter? And it’s interested in saying something about cycles of abuse. I can absolutely see how the way the play handles things is flattering to JKR. It retroactively frames the Dursleys’ abuse in a more negative way, and maybe that’s something she wanted after criticism that the Harry Potter books treat physical abuse kind of lightly. (i.e.  Harry at the hands of the Dursleys, and house-elves at the hands of everybody. Even Molly Weasley “wallops” Fred with a broomstick.) 

PART IV: Dumbledore and Harry

“The whole Potter–Dumbledore relationship. It’s been called unhealthy, even sinister”

So whenever Harry feels betrayed by Dumbledore in the books - and he absolutely does, it’s some of JKR’s best writing  - it’s not because he left him with the Dursleys. It’s because Dumbledore kept secrets from him, or lied to him, or didn’t confide in him on a personal level. 

“Look what he asked from me, Hermione! Risk your life, Harry! And again! And again! And don’t expect me to explain everything, just trust me blindly, trust that I know what I’m doing, trust me even though I don’t trust you! Never the whole truth! Never!” (...) I don’t know who he loved, Hermione, but it was never me. This isn’t love, the mess he’s left me in. He shared a damn sight more of what he was really thinking with Gellert Grindelwald than he ever shared with me.”

Eventually though, Harry falls in line with the rest of the Order, and treats Dumbledore as an all-knowing God. And this decision comes so close to being critiqued…  but the series never quite commits. Rufus Scrimgeour comments that, “Well, it is clear to me that [Dumbledore] has done a very good job on you” - implying that Harry is a product of a deliberate manipulation,  and that the way Harry feels about Dumbledore is a direct result of how he's been controlling the situation (and Harry.)  But Harry responds to “[You are] Dumbledore’s man through and through, aren’t you, Potter?” with “Yeah. I am. Glad we cleared that up,” and it’s treated as a badass, mic drop line. 

Ron goes on to say that Harry maybe shouldn’t be trusting Dumbledore and maybe his plan isn’t that great… but then he abandons his friends, regrets what he did, and is only able to come back because Dumbledore knew he would react this way? So that whole thing only makes Dumbledore seem more powerful? Aberforth  tells Harry (correctly) that Dumbledore is expecting too much of him and he’s not interested in making sure that he survives:

“How can you be sure, Potter, that my brother wasn’t more interested in the greater good than in you? How can you be sure you aren’t dispensable (...) Why didn’t he say… ‘Take care of yourself, here’s how to survive’? (...) You’re seventeen, boy!”

But, Aberforth is treated as this Hamish Abernathy type who has given up, and needs Harry to ignite his spark again. There’s a pretty dark line in the script of Deathly Hallows Part 2:

Which at least shows this was a possible  interpretation the creative team had in their heads… but then of course it isn’t actually in the movie. 

So in the end, insane trust in Dumbledore is only ever treated as proper and good. Then in Cursed Child they start using “Dumbledore” as an oath instead of “Merlin” and it’s weird and I don’t like it.

PART V: Dumbledore and his Strays

“I have known, for some time now, that you are the better man.”

So Dumbledore has this weird relationship pattern. He has a handful of people he pulled out of the fire at some point and (as a result) these people are insanely loyal to him.  They do his dirty work, and he completely controls them. This is an interesting pattern, because I think it helps explain why so many fans read Dumbledore’s relationship with Snape (and with Harry) as sinister. 

Let’s start with the first of Dumbledore’s “strays.” Dumbledore saves Hagrid's livelihood and probably life after he is accused of opening the Chamber of Secrets - and then he uses Hagrid to disappear Harry after the Potters' death, gets him to transport the Philosopher’s Stone, and he’s the one who he trusts to be Harry’s first point of contact with the Wizarding World.  Also, Hagrid's situation doesn’t change? Even after he is cleared of opening the Chamber of Secrets, he keeps using that pink flowered umbrella with his broken wand inside, a secret that he and Dumbledore seem to share. He could get a legal wand, he could continue his education. But he doesn’t seem to, and I don’t know why. 

So, Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality is a well known fix-it fic that basically asks “What if Harry Potter was a machiavellian little super genius who solves the plot in a year?” I enjoyed it when it was coming out, but the only thing I would call a cheat is the way McGonagall brings Harry to Diagon Alley instead of Hagrid. Because a Harry Potter who has spent a couple of days with McGonagall is going to be much better informed, better equipped and therefore more powerful than a Harry spending the same amount of time with Hagrid. McGonagall is both a lot more knowledgeable and a lot less loyal to Dumbledore. She is loyal, obviously, but she also questions his choices in a way that Hagrid never does. And as a result, Dumbledore does not trust her with the same kind of delicate jobs he trusts to Hagrid.

Mrs. Figg is another one of Dumbledore’s strays. She’s a squib, so we can imagine that she doesn’t really have a lot of other options, and he sets her up to keep tabs on (and be unpleasant to) little Harry. He also has her lie to the entire Wizangamot, which has got to present some risk. Within this framework, Snape is another very clear stray. Dumbledore kept him out of Azkaban, and is the only reason that the Order trusts him. He gets sent on on dangerous double-agent missions… but before that he’s sort of kept on hand, even though he’s clearly miserable at Hogwarts. Firenze is definitely a stray - he can't go back to the centaurs, and who other than Dumbledore is going to hire him? And I do wonder about Trelawney. We don’t know much about her relationship with Dumbledore, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she was a stray as well.

I think there was an attempt to turn Lupin into a stray that didn’t… quite work. He is clearly grateful to Dumbledore for letting him attend Hogwarts and then for hiring him, but Lupin doesn’t really hit that necessary level of trustworthy that the others do. Most of what Dumbledore doesn’t know in Book 3 are things that Lupin could have told him, and didn’t. If had to think of a Watsonsian reason why Remus is given all these solo missions away from the other Order members (that never end up mattering…) it’s because I don’t think Dumbledore trusts him that much. Lupin doubts him too much. 

“Dumbledore believed that?” said Lupin incredulously. “Dumbledore believed Snape was sorry James was dead? Snape hated James. . . .”

 We also see Dumbledore start the process of making Draco into a stray by promising to protect him and his parents. And with all of that… it’s kind of easy to see how Harry fits the profile. He has a very bleak existence (which Dumbledore knows about.) He is pulled out of it by Dumbledore’s proxies. It’s not surprising that Harry develops a Hagrid-level loyalty, especially after Dumbledore saves him from Barty, from his Ministry hearing, and then from Voldemort. Harry walks to his death because Dumbledore told him too. 

Just to be clear, I don’t think this pattern is deliberate. I think this is a side effect of JKR wanting to write Dumbledore as a nice guy, and specifically as a protector of the little guy. But Dumbledore doing that while also being so powerful creates a weird power dynamic, gives him a weird edit. It’s part of the reason people are happy to go one step farther and say that the Dursleys were mean to Harry… because Dumbledore actively wanted it that way.  I don’t think that’s true. I think Dumbledore loves his strays and if anything, the text supports the idea that he is collecting good people, because protecting them and observing them serves some psychological function for him. Dumbledore does not believe himself to be an intrinsically good person, or trustworthy when it comes to power. So, of course someone like that would be fascinated by how powerless people operate in the world, and by people like Hagrid and Lupin and Harry, who seems so intrinsically good. 

PART VI - Dumbledore and Grindelwald

“I was in love with you.” 

I honestly see “17-year-old Dumbledore was enamored with Grindelwald” as a smokescreen distracting from the actual moral grayness of the guy. He wrote some edgy letters when he was a teenager, at least partly because he thought his neighbor was hot. He thought he could move Ariana, but couldn’t - which led to the chaotic three-way duel that killed her. 

One thing I think J. K. Rowling does understand pretty well, and introduces into her books on purpose, is the concept of re-traumatization. Sirius in Book 5 is very obviously being re-traumatized by being in his childhood home and hearing the portrait of his mother screaming. It’s why he acts out, regresses, and does a number of unadvisable things. I think it’s also deliberate that Petunia’s unpleasant childhood is basically being re-created: her normal son next to her sister’s magical son. It's making her worse, or at the very least preventing her from getting better. We learn that Petunia has this sublimated interest in the magical world, and can even pull out vocab like “Azkaban” and “Dementor” when she needs to.   She wrote Dumbledore asking to go to Hogwarts, and I could see that in a universe where Petunia didn’t have to literally raise Harry, she wouldn’t be as psychotically into normalness, cleanliness, and order as she is when we meet her in the books. After all, JKR doesn’t like to write evil mothers. She will be bend over backwards so her mothers are never really framed as bad.

And I honestly think it’s possible that J. K. Rowling was playing with the concept of re-traumatiziation when she was fleshing out Dumbledore in Book 7. We learn all this backstory, that… honestly isn’t super necessary? All I’m saying is that the three-way duel at the top of the Astronomy Tower lines up really well with the three-way duel that killed Ariana. Harry is Ariana, helpless in the middle. Draco is Aberforth, well intentioned and protective of his family - but kind of useless, and kind of a liability. Severus is Grindelwald, dark and brilliant, and one of the closest relationships Dumbledore has. If this was intentional, it was probably only for reasons of narrative symmetry… but I think it's cool in a Gus Fring of Breaking Bad sort of way, that Dumbledore (either consciously or unconsciously) has been trying to re-create this one horrible moment in his life where he felt entirely out of control. But the second time it plays out… he can give it what he sees as the correct outcome. Grindelwald kills him and everyone else lives. That is how you solve the puzzle.

If you read between the lines, Dumbledore/Grindelwald is a fascinating love story. I like the detail that after Ariana’s death, Dumbledore returns to Hogwarts because it’s a place to hide and because he doesn’t feel like he can be trusted with power. I like that he sits there, refusing promotions, refusing requests to be the new Minister of Magic, refusing to go deal with the growing Grindelwald threat until he absolutely can’t hide anymore, at which point he defeats him (somehow.) I like reading his elaborate plan to break Elder Wand’s power as both a screw-you Grindelwald, the wand’s previous master, but also as a weirdly romantic gesture. In Albus Dumbledore’s mind, there is only Grindelwald. Voldemort can’t even begin to compare. I like the detail that Grindelwald won’t give up Dumbledore, even under torture. And, Dumbledore doesn’t put him in Azkaban. He put him in this other separate prison, which always makes it seem like he’s there under Dumbledore authority specifically.  Maybe Dumbledore thinks that if he had died that day instead of Ariana…he wouldn’t have had to spend the rest of his life fighting and imprisoning the man he loves.

And then of course, Crimes of Grindelwald decided to take away Dumbledore's greatest weakness and say that no, actually he was a really good guy who never did anything wrong ever.  He went all that time without fighting Grindelwald because they made a magical friendship no-fight bracelet. Dumbledore is randomly grabbing Lupin’s iconography (his fashion sense, his lesson plans, his job) in order to feel more soft and gentle than the person the books have created. Now Dumbledore knows about the Room Requirement, even though in the books it’s a plot point that he's too much of a goody-two-shoes to have ever found it himself. He loved Grindelwald (past tense.) And Secrets of Dumbledore is mostly about him being an omniscient mastermind so that a magical deer can tell him that he was a super good and worthy guy, and any doubt that he’s ever felt about himself is just objectively wrong and incorrect. Also now Aberforth has a neglected son, so he’s reframed as a bit of a hypocrite for getting on his brother’s case for not protecting Harry. 

So to summarize, I think Dumbledore began the series as this very eccentric, unpredictable mentor, whose abilities took a hit in Books 3 and 4 in order to make the plot happen. He teetered on the edge of a ‘dark’ framing for like a second… but at the the end of the series he's written as basically infallible and godlike. I’ve heard people say that JKR’s  increased fame was the reason she added the Rita Skeeter plot line, and I don’t think that’s true. But I do think her fame may have affected the way she wrote Dumbledore. Because Dumbledore is JKR’s comment on power, and by Book 5 she had so much power. In her head, I don’t think that Dumbledore is handing off jobs in a manipulative way. She sees him as empowering other less powerful people. That is his job as someone in power (because remember - people who desire power shouldn't wield it.)

Dumbledore’s power makes him emotionally disconnected from the people in his life, it makes him disliked and distrusted by the Ministry, but it doesn’t make him wrong. That’s important. Dumbledore is never wrong. Dumbledore is always good. That’s why we get the Blood Pact that means he was never weak or procrastinating. That’s why we get the qilin saying he was a good person. It’s why we get the tragic backstory (because giving Snape a tragic backstory worked wonders when it came to rehabilitating him.) And that is why Harry names his son Albus Severus in the epilogue, to make us readers absolutely crystal clear that these two are good men. 

[hoshigray]

˗ˏˋ Summertime ⛱ Madness ˎˊ˗

Dear Diary...summer is finally here, and you're ready to spend it all with your best buds — Itadori, Megumi, and Nobara! Because the season is meant to be eventful, no? Though, how eventful? You already have plans with your friends to make every day count...Yet, so much has happened this summer that you NEED to write it all down! Especially since five men, in particular, have put you through a complete whirlwind of a summer...

Collector's Note: Hi, hello!! This is my first time doing something like this, but to commemorate getting 1k followers (tysm!!), I felt this would be a fun way to celebrate!! These entries will be posted throughout the summer (with dates provided), so keep your eyes open for when a diary entry opens! They can be read as standalone fics, but some (2-3) may be linked with one another. And no, they are not gonna be in first-person, only for this post as a sort of introduction to the pieces, lol. And FYI: these adorable sea-themed dividers are made by the wonderful remi (@cafekitsune), whose dividers I use non-stop!! Thank you sm for the dividers as always, remi, love what you do sm!!

Diary Status: ongoing!!

Word of caution: fem!reader - modern AU - age differences (the reader is at least in their 20s; the guys' ages will be specified in their respective fics for convenience's sake) - explicit content/nsfw so minors DNI - mentions of alcohol/drug use - unprotected sex (PSA: wrap it up, or get the fuck up) - taboo (consensual sex b/w professor/undergrad; a friend's relative) - size differences - one night stands - be sure to read the content warnings (cw) to fully grasp what each fic will contain before reading!

Intrigued readers: wanna be tagged when an entry is posted? Lmk in the replies plz!

✎﹏﹏﹏ 📖 Y/n's Diary Entries 📖 ﹏﹏﹏✎

Dear Nanami Kento... ༄ My Professor's Final Spring Praise

Entry Narrative: Before my summer break officially started, I had to finish my last in-person exam with Professor Nanami. It was so tough, but I made it through! I was the last to leave, so I thanked the professor and shared some final words before heading to my dorm to finish packing up. However, how do a few gratitude and praise exchanges end up with me on his desk and him between my legs? Contents: professor! Nanami x fem! reader - explicit content so minors DNI - taboo (consensual sex b/w a professor & undergrad) - age difference (the reader is at least in their 20s; Nanami approaching early 30s) - fingering (fem! receiving) - cunnilingus - semi-missionary position (reader lies on their back on a table while Nanami stands) - public sex/sex in a university classroom - unprotected sex (PSA: wrap it up, or get the fuck up) - pining if you squint - praise - pet names (baby, darling, love, sweet pea) - clitoral play (licking and sucking) - kissing/makeout sessions. Completion: July 3rd (Nanami + my bday :DD so I better see y'all wish me and my hubby a hbd or this shit isn't getting released >:T)

Dear Satoru Gojo... ༄ Sweet Blind Summer Fling

Entry Narrative: Due to a bet made by Nobara, I made an online dating account to set myself up with a blind date. Although a bit witty and annoyingly childish, Gojo's remarkably handsome and sweet...So, how the hell did I end up sleeping with him on the first date!? Contents: switch! Gojo x fem! reader - explicit content so minors DNI - blind date/online match-up - age difference (the reader is at least in their 20s; Gojo is around early 30s) - texting back and forth - sex at a hotel - one night stands - consensual sex under the influence - protected sex (PSA: wrap it up, or get the fuck up) - cowgirl + lotus positions - pet names (angel, baby, dollface, pretty, princess, sweet thing) - clitoral play (swiping and pinching) - mentions of drug/alcohol use (reader and Gojo don't get blackout drunk, but y'all get tipsy) - a bunch of silliness bc it's a Gojo fic (duh). Completion: July 24th

Dear Suguru Geto... ༄ Swim in Waves, Chill in Caves

Entry Narrative: I went to the beach with my friends!! Only for me to...run into Gojo again!!? And to make things crazier, I met his attractive best friend who heard "so much" about me??!! Thanks to Gojo's nonstop blabber-mouth, Geto was interested in me in ways I would rather not be known for! Contents: Geto x fem! reader - explicit content, so minors DNI - age difference (the reader is at least in their 20s; Geto is around early 30s) - oral (m! + f! receiving) - heavy depictions of a blowjob - semi-handjob - sex at an open area; cave by the beach - 69+ doggy style/backshots + missionary position - unprotected sex but Geto doesn't shoot inside (PSA: wrap it up, or get the fuck up) - fucking while the sun sets, lmaooo - pet names (baby, cutie, sweetheart, sweetie, princess) - clitoral play (swiping and pinching) - Gojo is here so expect some silliness. Completion: August 4th

Dear Choso Kamo... ༄ In[put]s & Out[put]s

Entry Narrative: My friends and I are getting ready to go out, but I'm feeling a little nervous about my outfit since it looks a little risqué... So, I took a pic of it and sent it to Itadori to hear his thoughts. Come to find out...I instead sent it to his half older brother, who was coming to pick me up......and he liked the outfit so much that he gave me his personal opinion?? Contents: still deciphering... Completion: TBA

Dear Toji Fushiguro... ༄ Secrets, Sweat, and Summer Fever

Entry Narrative: The gang and I hung out at Megumi's place for the last week of summer. But when I'm left at the house alone with Megumi's hot father, how am I supposed to act normal after "accidentally" eavesdropping on him jerking off to me!? Also, why and how the fuck does he know about my personal endeavors!? Contents: still deciphering... Completion: TBA

© hoshigray 2023 ~𓆉~ Diary entries above are collected by, written by, and belong to me, so please do not steal, edit, or post my works. Or I'll find all the people in your family who don't know how to swim and throw 'em in the ocean (and yes, that includes you). :/

[neil-gaiman]

Evening Mr Gaiman,

This is my beloved copy of Good Omens that i happened upon for £8.99 in a waterstones in the midlands in 2019 shortly after the release of the good omens show. I absolutely loved the show so was in search of a copy of the book to read and found a table of these exact waterstones exclusive editions in the fantasy section of my local waterstones and was very excited to find this one in middle of them all. It was the only one of its kind and has a somewhat battered signed first edition sticker on the front. I’ve had this book proudly displayed on my shelf for the past few years but after doing some research i can’t seem to find any other signed first editions of this copy of the book online or for sale? So i was just wondering did you sign many? This copy of the Good Omens book is one of my absolute prized possessions I’ve been so proud of it even before I found out that it was fairly uncommon so I just thought I’d ask (also if anyone on tumblr has this particular signed first edition copy of good omens let me know i’ve never seen another one before!!)

P.S. If you talk to David Tennant anytime in the near future it would be lovely if you could let him know that his performance of Hamlet absolutely saved my English Literature exam today as I mistakenly revised for the complete wrong part of the exam and by heavily referring to his performance i think i may have picked up hopefully enough marks to pass

I don’t remember! I’m sorry. I don’t think I signed a lot of them though.

[niteshade925]

April 12, Xi'an, China, Daci'en Temple/大慈恩寺 and the Giant Wild Goose Pagoda/大雁塔 (Part 1 - Temple and Architecture):

Daci'en Temple is famous in popular culture mainly for one reason: the monk Xuanzang/玄奘, or the real person who inspired the character of Tang Sanzang/唐三藏 (sometimes translated as "Tripitaka") in the novel Journey to the West/西游记. Xuanzang was in charge of Daci'en Temple after he returned to China in 645 AD from his journey throughout Central Asia and India. More on him later.

The temple is also known for two more things, first is its importance to Chinese Buddhism, as the temple is considered the cradle of the Consciousness-Only School (weishizong/唯识宗) and the Dharma Characteristics School (faxiangzong/法相宗)(both are part of Chinese Mahayana Buddhism), and second is the Giant Wild Goose Pagoda (built in 652 AD while Xuanzang was in charge of the temple).

The temple has been rebuilt over the years, and the current temple (excluding the pagoda) was mainly built in 1466, during Ming dynasty, thus the current temple consists of Ming-era architecture:

Drum and bell towers within the temple

Giant Wild Goose Pagoda in the distance

More pictures of the architecture. I have to say it's better preserved here than in other places so far...

Coming up to the Mahavira Hall/大雄宝殿 of the temple

As mentioned in the previous posts on Qinglong Temple, I avoided taking pictures of the Buddha statues as this is considered disrespectful. But because it's just hard to avoid including them in pictures of the architecture, the statues may be partially visible sometimes.

Approaching the Tushita Hall/兜率

More pics of the architecture, note the pattern on the windows, called chuangling/窗棂. This particular one is a "three-crossing"/三交 pattern, the highest grade of chuangling.

There were two visiting monks taking pictures of this relief behind Mahavira Hall, so it's probably okay to snap a picture of it. The interesting thing is the bian'e/匾额 above it, which says 人天欢喜 (right to left: "human and heaven rejoice together"). Usually it's "heaven" before "human" (天人), but here it's clearly "human" before "heaven".

The Guanyin Hall/观音殿. Guanyin is the Chinese name for Avalokitesvara. The smaller red lanterns are where visiters hang their wishes from:

And finally the Giant Wild Goose Pagoda, one of the landmarks of Xi'an. This pagoda was originally built to house all of the Buddhist texts and relics Xuanzang had brought back from India, and is the largest Tang-era brick pagoda remaining today. In Tang dynasty (618 - 907 AD), people who passed the imperial exams to become jinshi/进士 would tour around Chang'an on horseback with flowers in their hair and write poems before this pagoda, called "雁塔题名".

Before we entered the temple, I could hear a weird jingle-jangle from across the street, but it was only when we came up to the pagoda that I realized where the sound was coming from. There were bells hanging from every corner of every level of the pagoda, and they were pretty loud for their size.

Since it was pretty hot outside that day, to avoid possible heat stroke we didn't attempt to climb the pagoda (I don't think there's air conditioning inside considering that this pagoda is 1300+ years old.....). I think there were several important artifacts/relics inside? But I can find some pictures from online for part 3.

[tigergirltail]

TIGER HRT CHAPTER 6 - MONTH 6 - THE CAGED BIRD

CONTENT WARNING - This chapter contains mentions of medical injections, bigotry, child abuse, self-harm, and attempted suicide. Reader beware.

FIRST - PREV - NEXT

I had my six-month check-up with Dr. Erian, an online appointment just like last time. No particular medical issues this time around, bloodwork checks out, genetic reconfiguration is stable. We can't do a thorough physical exam over the internet, but according to him, I am "the very picture of health, by the standards of your species". I'm a bit curious what standards those are, given that I have yet to hear about any other tiger therians. Hopefully there ARE standards, and he's not just giving me empty reassurance.

We also spent some time going over dietary concerns - am I getting enough meat, am I reducing my fruit and grain intake appropriately, that sort of thing. I assured him that I'm eating real meat with every meal, just like the booklet said to, I've been limiting fruits and vegetables, and I don't even have an appetite for anything grain-based. I'll probably miss what fresh bread used to be like, but I just can't bring myself to want it anymore. Apparently not every therian is following the diet they're supposed to, but the doctor didn't have any concerns about me, "assuming your answers are honest, Miss Alexis". What, does he think I'm about to lie to the one person who knows how species transition works?

At one point during the discussion I thought I heard him mutter something about a "foolish undine", but I must have misheard. Undines are water spirits or elementals or something - a fictional creature. Then again, so are dragons and lamias, but the first well-known humanity remover was a dragon-girl, and I've been hanging out and playing online games with a lamia. At this point you could tell me there's someone out there transitioning to Sonic the Hedgehog, and I might actually believe you.

I've hit the point of full fur coverage, so no more awkward bald patches! Unfortunately, this does mean I need to start taking my estrogen in a form other than skin patches, because there's nowhere left to stick them. After a lot of agonizing over the pros and cons of potential liver damage from pills versus facing down my needle phobia, I opted to ask my endocrinologist to train me on injectable estrogen. She made a somewhat tone-deaf joke about not being trained in veterinary medicine, but she was otherwise very patient and reassuring, so I let it slide.

I do want to state for the record that I am a big scary tiger who's not afraid of anything and I only cried a little bit the first time I injected myself.

My ears are definitely becoming much more sensitive - I keep hearing really annoying high-pitch noises when I'm around heavy machinery, and that happens a lot more often than you might think. My office at work is right next to an elevator, and whenever someone uses it, the motor lets out this gods-awful whine and I have to plug my ears until it stops moving again. My local grocery also has a few freezer units that give off a similar sound, constantly, and I've had to start wearing earplugs to go on food runs.

As for visual changes, I can see in the dark reasonably well, but I've also started getting headaches and discomfort when I squint or try too hard to focus on something. I guess I should probably just… try to not do that. I have spent a significant portion of my life staring at a screen, so my eyes probably aren't in the best shape overall.

Now that my physical changes are pretty much done, most people just assume I'm wearing a very intricate costume - at least, until they get close. No costume has mouth movements or facial expressions this realistic, and believe me, our top furry scientists and engineers have tried.

At one point there's a conversation on the humanity removal chat server about the political climates in our respective areas towards therians. Obviously, a lot of the right-wing talking-head shows have been shitting themselves inside-out about the idea of people giving up their humanity, especially the ones with a more religious bent. "How dare these freaks forsake God's holy image", "Humanity is a divine blessing and must be cherished", "We call on the one true God to smite these worshippers of the Beast", and so on like that. Excuse you, but I've never worshipped your discriminatory god and I'm not beholden to their 'holy image'. My goddess is one of beauty, love, and artistic expression, and the entire reason I'm changing myself in the first place is as an expression of self-love.

Most of us agree, though, that the absolute worst of the 24-hour news cycle doesn't have anything to do with how regular everyday people see us. In fact, we're rare enough still that a decent proportion of people don't believe we exist - they think that tabloids made us up to sell more copies. I don't know if that's better in terms of acceptance, but I'll take it over a torch-and-pitchfork mob running me out of town.

The conversation shifts to us sharing our locations, those of us who are comfortable doing so at least. We generally keep it vague, but most of us are at least alright with saying which country we live in. I narrow it down to a province for myself, mainly because my province alone is larger than some countries, but also because once we start to get noticed by the media and the world, there'll probably be no stopping our locations becoming known.

It's also going to get interesting if anyone starts asking how most of us are going to the same medical provider when he requires that consultations be done in person, or why the location he operates out of - Hyper City - doesn't appear on any map. Truthfully, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself.

The next day, I get a private message from the girl with the corvid avatar:

"Hey I saw your post when everybody was talking about where they are! I live there too!! We should totally meet up sometime ^v^"

…This is a dilemma. Obviously, I'm worried about the optics of a teenager meeting up with a 39-year-old she met on the internet, there's all kinds of ways that could be taken the wrong way, but dammit, I still don't know anyone like me in this part of the world, who knows if I'll ever find anyone else who's local? …I really want to try, but I should at least give her a warning, and a judgement-free out.

"Uhh I get wanting to meet up, but I'm more than 20 years older than you, would your parents be anywhere near cool with that??"

There's a long pause. I see her start and stop typing multiple times. I'm worried I've upset her. Eventually, she sends another message:

"I don't give a fuck what they think"

I'm taken aback by the harshness of the reply, and don't manage to type anything before another series of messages pops up:

"and they don't care what I do anyway so it's whatever" "if anyone asks I'll just say you're my weird aunt" "you have no idea how bad I want to meet someone who GETS IT" "humanity is a curse and I want to be free"

'I want to be free'. Something about that phrase hits somewhere deep, in a source of pain that never fully healed. Freedom from pain, freedom from self-hatred, freedom at any cost, even if it meant my life. I remember how that desire for freedom feels.

The only thing I can think to do next is ask if she's okay. Her response is to ask if I can go on a voice call. I'm not sure if she wants some confirmation that I'm a real person or if she just doesn't want the next part of the conversation preserved in the text log.

"Hey…", I begin cautiously as the voice call starts. "Can you hear me okay?"

There's a suppressed sniffle on the other end. "Yeah… I hear you."

For a moment I entertain the thought of going all 'when I was your age' and explaining that I was always cautioned against talking to strangers on the internet, but it's probably not the time for that. Read the room, Alexis.

She's not saying anything. I'm going to have to start this off, I think. Something harmless, something value-neutral…

"So from your icon, I'm guessing you want crow HRT? Raven HRT, maybe?"

"Crow HRT.", she states simply. "Crows are everywhere here, and I've always loved them, always been jealous of them. They get to go anywhere they want, do anything they want…" She lets out a groaning sigh. "Augh, this is stupid. You probably think I'm stupid for wanting this."

I can't hold back from giving a little bit of a laugh. "Hah! Young lady, one year ago I went to a doctor and told him to his face that I wanted him to turn me into a recessive-gene variant of an endangered species that doesn't even live on this continent, and then I threatened to bite him if he wouldn't do it. Fantasizing about being a crow is just about the normalest thing I can imagine compared to that."

"…You said you'd BITE him?"

I grin, though without a camera set up she can't see it. "Every one of us who seeks out humanity removal therapy is already a little bit inhuman, even if we don't fully know it yet. After all, why would we remove something if we felt emotionally attached to it?"

Another audible sniffle. "Holy fuck, you DO get it…"

"I sure hope I get it, it's not like I can un-grow the fur and the tail."

She gives a laugh, then there's a long pause. "…Does it hurt? Is it scary?"

"Sometimes. My fingers were REALLY sore while my claws were developing, and having your entire facial structure rearrange is no joke. As for scary, well, I sure get stared at a lot more, but I think I scare people a lot more than they scare me."

"Heh, maybe I want to be scary."

I frown a little. "I don't. I just want to be true to myself."

There's an awkward silence. After a while, I decide to bring up something I was curious about:

"So I remember you asking if there was a way to get species HRT without your parents noticing. I'm guessing they're not exactly supportive?"

She lets out an uncomfortable groan. "Mmmngh… They watch a lot of those news shows, you know, the ones that only run angry sensationalist bullcrap? Dad gets furious at the idea of anyone changing themselves, something about the 'holy sanctity of the human body' or whatever. He even thinks tattoos are blasphemy. Mom says it's the most horrific thing she can imagine, she nearly fainted when she caught me watching a stream of this one dragon girl talking about her changes."

"And here you are, wanting to be a bird… I'm sorry, that sounds really rough."

"It… It is." I can hear her voice faltering. "Hearing nothing but how terrible a waste it is, and how awful and horrific they are, and the whole time knowing that I'd give ANYTHING for it to happen to me, I just… I'm sorry, I just…"

"Hey, you don't need to apologize… I'm not going anywhere."

"I just… don't know how much longer I can take it!"

"…Take what?" I'm afraid to ask my next question, but… I just have to. "…What are they doing to you??"

Somewhere deep inside her, the dam just… breaks. She starts sobbing as she tells me about how her parents yell at her over every single mistake, how she gets shoved or hit just for being in the way, how she hurts herself just so the pain gives her something to feel and to focus on, and how she… How she once climbed up to the roof of her building and took a flying leap off. She had every intention to end her own life, but in the moment her feet left the ground and she felt the air under her arms, she experienced a rush of euphoria, for the first time she can remember.

…And a moment later, she broke a leg and several ribs when she hit the ground.

She explains that she spent over a month in hospital, a captive audience for her parents to yell at more, when they even bothered to show up at all. I'm too stunned to even react.

She's spent the years since then chasing that high, climbing trees and jumping off, finding rooftops and hilltops to go stand in the wind, looking up online videos of parachuting and wingsuiting and hang gliding, and when she first heard rumours about medical treatments that can alter one's very species, she started frantically researching. That's how she started finding other therians to reach out to, how she got involved in the group chat.

"Have you… had an appointment with Dr. Erian yet?" I have a feeling I already know the answer - something something, 'letter from a physician, two psychologists, live as your preferred species for at least a year'. The same horseshit I had to listen to.

"No… I tried to get one, but he won't see anyone under 18 without parental consent, and fat chance of ever getting that."

Huh. I hadn't expected that, it feels surprisingly principled for him. Though at the end of the day, it's probably just another liability thing - ol' Teddy Erian covering his own ass as usual.

"I just…" She's started crying again. "I just want to turn into a beautiful black bird and fly away from all this, forever… I just want to live my life on the wind, going wherever I want, never having to see a single human again…"

I can feel my own tears welling up, and that's the moment I make my decision. I'm going to meet up with this girl, and I'm going to find a way to help her. Maybe she doesn't need humanity removal, maybe she just needs to know someone who understands.

We decide on a place and time to meet up. There's a little cafe I like nearby, run by a trio of neurodivergent queer women. It's a public place, and about as safe for weirdos like us as you can get. Corvid-girl tells me she'll be the one with a feathered headband and a crow-skull necklace. I tell her I'll be the one with white fur and a tail. That manages to get a laugh out of her. I choose to take that as a victory.

There's something about the way she laughs that sounds a bit like a crow's call. I wonder whether that's intentional on her part…

A few days later, I'm sitting in the cafe enjoying a hot chocolate and a roast beef sandwich - extra meat, naturally. Dr. Erian said I have to start cutting chocolate out of my diet because cocoa is going to become toxic to me, but… chocolate! I did ask for a lighter mix though, so what I'm drinking is actually mostly just hot milk. Maybe there's a cocoa-free substitute out there I can look into…

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by a squeal of delight emanating from the front door. There's a teenage girl standing there, staring directly at me with a look of amazement on her face. Dark clothes, pale skin, black hair, headband with feathers in it, and hanging from her neck, an amulet in the shape of a bird skull. I smile and wave a paw at her. She practically bounces as she walks up to my table and takes a seat.

"Holy SHIT, you're… And you even have the… Your face looks just like… Can I touch your paw??"

I laugh and hold out my paw. "Haha, sure, just watch out for the claws, they don't stay all the way inside just yet."

"Oh, it's okay, I'm used to sharp things!"

I wince as I think back to our voice chat from the other day. I REALLY hope she doesn't mean what I think she means, but I can't help noticing she's wearing long sleeves, even though the weather has been getting warmer.

She turns my paw over and squeals. "OHMYGOD you even have the BEEEEANS!" I can't resist smiling as she starts poking and prodding at my pawpads. "You look SO!! AMAZING!!"

Corvid-girl starts frantically complimenting all my animalistic features - "Your stripes are so pretty!" "I love your tail!" "Ohh, your fangs, they're so COOL!!" - and I start uncontrollably blushing. I never would have thought species affirmation would feel this euphoric… Naturally, being a teenager, she takes this as an excuse to push even harder, and I start covering my face with my paws, thoroughly embarrassed.

"You look just like the tigers they have on stage for those shows in Vegas!"

"H-hey, that's actually not okay…"

"You know, I bet you'd look good up on a stage too! Everyone would love to see you!!"

Instinctually, I let out a growl, louder than I actually want to. It has the intended effect, in that she stops dead and stares at me, but so do a few other cafe patrons. Oh gods, here comes the embarrassment again… "H-hey, look, it's just…"

"Sorry." She's gone completely deadpan, and stiff as a board.

I close my eyes tightly. Gods, why did I DO that?? First the waitress at that seafood place, and now an actual CHILD. I REALLY need to start getting a handle on these predator instincts. When I open my eyes again, she's still standing there, and she looks like she's on the verge of a panic attack.

I need to calm her down, need to bring her back. "No… I'M sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I just… The animals they use for those stage shows get abused all the time, and it's kind of a sore spot for me."

"…Really?"

Okay, she's talking, she's distracted, maybe I can still salvage this. "Yeah… Every species has baggage, it's one of the shitty parts of being therian, and tigers, white tigers especially, they're treated like show pieces, or worse."

"…Well shit, I knew they're endangered, but… fuck."

"Yeah, it's a whole thing, I try not to -"

Our conversation is interrupted by one of the staff tapping corvid-girl on the shoulder and asking to talk privately. She reluctantly agrees to go to the back of the store and talk. At first I think maybe she's being chastised for being a disturbance, but the barista who pulled her away is giving me some very pointed looks. Worried looks, I might even say.

If I angle my ears just right, I can almost hear them through the noise of the rest of the cafe.

"…other patrons were concerned… …young lady so close to a dangerous creature…"

I wonder if the barista notices the indignant look that crosses my face when they describe me as a 'creature'.

Corvid-girl lets out that bird-like laugh of hers. Her voice is a lot more distinct and easier to pick out:

"It's just my aunt! She's not a 'creature', she just takes meds to look like that!"

The barista doesn't protest as corvid-girl returns to our table, but they're still giving me a very 'You'd better not try anything' kind of look.

Corvid-girl sits down, seemingly a little more grounded, a little more sobered. "…I guess I never thought to ask, why a white tiger?"

I lean forward, head in one paw, and give a bit of a shrug. "I relate a lot to them."

"To… being treated like a show piece, or whatever you said?"

"…Yeah. When I was little, they called me 'gifted' and put me in a separate school. I remember being excited about it, but it turns out it just meant getting more homework."

"…Ew."

I smile a little bit. "That's what I thought too! They wanted me to be some brilliant prodigy, a genius in the making, but the reality is I was just more observant and better at math than most people, that's all. I actually had to take an extra year of school because I was so bad at it."

"EWW!!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?? But, then I went to college and graduated at the top of my class, so the joke's on them in the end."

"I wasn't even planning on staying around long enough for college…" She still has a bit of a depressed air about her, but she's not going into a panic. Maybe I'm better with kids than I thought.

"Yeah, I remember, you were going to turn into a beautiful crow and fly away forever." I try to give her a reassuring look. "But hey, the human world isn't ALL bad."

"Says the woman who's turning herself into a wild animal."

I snort quietly as I hold back a laugh. "Okay, fair, but wild animals don't get the internet, or nice little cafes where weirdos like us can just sit and talk."

"Hah, yeah… Weirdos like us." She gives a smile. An actual, genuine smile. Suddenly all the awkwardness is worth it, to see someone so deeply unhappy smile. "That reminds me, I saw on the server you're into witchcraft, can you… teach me?"

Somehow I feel like I should have expected this. The goth-looking crow girl is into witchcraft, big surprise. "I… guess? Maybe? I'm not like an expert or anything, I've just read a few books and cast a few spells is all."

"Ooh, what kind of spells??" And now she's back to her enthusiastic self.

"Just some protective charms on people who needed them, a few card readings with a tarot deck, nothing much really…"

"Does it really work??"

"I mean, the people I cast those charms on ended up safe in the end, but who knows if what I did made a difference? Some of the card readings were scary-accurate though, I think I might have a talent for divination."

She laughs. "Gonna have to get you to read my future sometime."

We end up spending the next hour or so making small talk, getting to know each other, talking about the ins and outs of humanity removal, complaining about Dr. Erian, until…

"Hey, I gotta go catch the bus back home, but… this was nice." She gives a bit of a smirk. "Cool to meet another weirdo."

Before she leaves, I ask her name - I still don't know it, I've been internally calling her 'corvid-girl' this entire time.

She gives me a disgusted grimace. "Ugh, it's 'Margaret'. I'm named for my great-grandmother, it's SUCH an old-lady name."

"Margaret, like Maggie, as in magpie?" I smile a little. "Those are corvids too, you know."

Her expression softens a little. "…Never thought of that. Still don't like it, though…"

"Well, is there a name you'd like better? I can start calling you that if you like."

She freezes. Somewhere in her eyes I can see her mind working to process what I've just said. "…Nobody ever asked me that before. I'll… think about it." She turns to leave.

"Wait, hold on a sec."

"WHAT!?" She outright glares at me, then seems to soften. "Sorry, it's… never mind."

That… was an EXTREMELY sudden mood shift. Trauma response, maybe? "I… was just going to ask if you wanted a sandwich or something to take home."

"…Didn't bring any money…"

I shake my head a little. "That doesn't answer my question. Would you like me to BUY you a sandwich or something?"

"…Egg salad if they got it I guess…"

I go up to the counter and buy her an egg salad sandwich to go. She looks like she's going to cry when I hand it to her. I… probably shouldn't make a big deal about that, but somewhere deep inside, my heart breaks a little. Does she never have anyone just… offer her food?

I'm beginning to understand why she wants to leave behind the curse of humanity. I chose this path, I wanted to be a tiger, I'm running towards something. Corvid-girl, though? She's running away from something.

I walk her outside, and she starts to walk away, but suddenly stops, and turns back to me. She walks resolutely up to me, then grabs me in a hug.

"Soft…" Her voice is muffled against both my shirt and the fur underneath. "You're very soft…"

Once I get over my surprise at the sudden gesture, I hesitantly put one arm around her shoulders and pat her on the back. She pulls away after a few short moments, and walks away down the sidewalk without another word.

I touch my shirt where her head was leaning, and notice a small wet spot.

---

Time to play "Spot the References!" Intentional references below:

"something about a 'foolish undine'" - welldrawnfish (Fish HRT)

"the first well-known humanity remover was a dragon-girl" - ayviedoesthings (Dragon HRT)

"I've been hanging out and playing online games with a lamia" - ariathelamia (Lamia HRT)

"someone out there transitioning to Sonic the Hedgehog" - sonic-spirit (Sonic HRT)

"watching a stream of this one dragon girl talking about her changes" - Rain, by Jocelyn Samara D. (Dragon HRT)

[tokidokitokyo]

Language Learning Plateau

Recently I have found myself on a Japanese learning plateau and I just feel stuck. I have felt stuck for a long time, like I will never get off of this plateau. Have you ever felt stuck in your learning?

I decided that I wanted to make a real effort to escape from the plateau and to see some real improvement in my Japanese language ability. So here are my collected notes and advice on the process of overcoming the language learning plateau.

What is a Language Learning Plateau?

Your language acquisition was moving along smoothly, and then suddenly everything ground to a snail's pace. The most popular textbooks are too easy, native materials that suit your level and aren't too hard are challenging to find, and making your own study plan seems daunting.

Apparently this plateau is inevitable, because when you first start learning a language you make progress quickly with new vocabulary and grammar and writing systems, but as you learn more and acquire more skills, you naturally slow down. The language learning plateau is most common when learners reach an intermediate level of language proficiency.

The good news is, there are ways to get over this plateau. The challenge is that it will take some work on your part.

Why I have trouble finding resources

To try to overcome my learning plateau and feel like I was moving forward, I started looking for new resources. The trouble is that there are so many resources available online and in print, but the number is so vast that it feels difficult to pick one, and I worry that I will pick the Wrong One.

Reviews: Reading reviews of language learning materials can be endless, or it can be difficult to find a review of a particular book or online resource for anything other than beginner materials. There may also be a plethora of suggested materials, but you might waffle on which ones to pick.

Level: I am not entirely sure of what my level is since it is difficult to measure without an exam, but I think I have an idea of my general level (lower advanced - N3/N2). I have outgrown most early textbooks, and I often pick out JLPT workbooks because it is easier to judge their level. However, JLPT resources tend to be geared toward test taking and therefore sometimes they can be a bit limited. Non-JLPT materials are more difficult to determine the level for, so some may be too advanced and some may be a bit too low level.

Money: I don't have an unlimited budget, so I have to read reviews and try to gauge if I think the resource is worth the investment. Sometimes I purchase a resource and then I don't touch it because I don't have the time to sit down and work through it. I also download lots of apps but I often don't sit down to get used to them and figure out the best way to use them. Free materials are very useful, but I also find myself downloading too much and then I don't touch more than half of them.

Time: I am busy and don't have much time to dedicate to studying, so reviewing resources can be a huge time sink for time that I'd rather spend studying. I can spend so much time looking up resources that I don't actually pick one to use. I also don't have unlimited time to study, so while the JLPT workbooks or non-JLPT textbooks are good resources, I have to break each section into very small chunks to fit them into my schedule and it takes a long time to finish a resource.

How to overcome the Language Learning Plateau

Here are some tips on how to overcome the language learning plateau:

Set clear goals If you don't have a clear goal on what you want to work toward, your studying will be less focused and you might become frustrated with your lack of progress. Set clear goals that are based on what you want to achieve with the language to provide focus. Be realistic with your goals and your current level, and set a specific timeline for them.

Try new methods If you've been relying on textbooks thus far and are burnt out or don't find them useful, try something else. Get creative, and look to see what approach others take. Try immersion, finding a tutor, playing a game in your target language, or downloading a new app.

Focus on problem areas This aligns with setting specific goals. Where do you struggle the most with the language? At the language plateau, bad habits or mistakes become more ingrained, so it's time to correct them. Figure out where you are the weakest and find creative ways to practice those weaknesses. Reading books, finding conversation partners on HelloTalk, and writing a diary could address those weaknesses. If you aren't sure where you are struggling, review things you already know and see where you get stuck. Try a mock JLPT exam near your level and see how you score. Focus on those weak points and strengthen your knowledge. You'll also be moving ahead as you discover new words, grammar points, etc.

Learn more vocabulary Limited vocabulary is one thing that can prevent you from overcoming your language plateau. Try reading books, articles, websites, etc. or find vocabulary flashcard sets that challenge you. Building up your vocabulary will help you to communicate more clearly and concisely in your target language.

Interact with native speakers This may be difficult where you live, but you can always look online for people who want to exchange languages with you. Writing messages or talking via voice calls are both great ways to improve how you think and form sentences in your target language, and you can get feedback from native speakers to help you fix mistakes and improve. Mimicking native speakers is a great way to sound more natural, so you could also try shadowing podcasts or videos.

Don't give up! Most importantly, don't get discouraged. You've come a very long way, and the plateau is a sign that great things are ahead for you. Be confident and make time for language learning in your daily life. Your journey is what you make of it, and with confidence and practice, you can achieve your goals.

[holycatsandrabbits]

Three Ways to Practice Writing Without Writing

Writers need two things to produce a work: motivation and time. There are sweet blessed moments when we have both, and then those times we’ve only got one. What to do then? Write without writing. 

Case #1: Time and no motivation

Writers need to take breaks. Writers hate to take breaks. It’s like we think taking time off means moving backwards, rather than practicing necessary self-care. If you’re having trouble resting, you might try this writing-adjacent activity: murder. Well, the fictional kind.

A murder mystery party is where you have all your friends over for dinner (or video chat), and along with the pizza, you serve up a whodunit. Writing a game is a great way to practice your creative skills and entertain an audience, without staring at a blank page, muttering incantations to make a short story appear. There are lots of free resources online to help you craft a case, from characters to clues, and anyway, who hasn’t wanted to blame a friend for murder? Right?

Case #2: Motivation and no time

Whether it’s deadlines at work, final exams, kids’ soccer games, or spring cleaning, real life can eat up your time off. In that case, you can play a mental game called What If?

Stephen King was inspired to write his novella The Mist after visiting a grocery store during a storm and imagining an attack by monsters. Because of course he did. But next time you’re in the checkout line, ask yourself this: What is the weirdest thing that could happen right now? Bananas bursting into flames? 100 strangers throwing you a surprise birthday party? Everyone suddenly speaking different languages? Now, what could cause such a strange thing to happen?

Or say you’re on your commute to work or school. Ask yourself, How would this be different if we were on another planet? Would public transit be seats on the back of a giant highway-going serpent? Might there be sentient stop lights who attack if you turn left on red? What if you could hire a quintet of tiny aliens to sit in the backseat and provide live music for your drive?

Playing What If  is a great way to practice creative skills when you can’t be decomposing at your computer. Just remember not to jot down ideas while you’re driving.

Bonus Case: You want to practice

Writing exercises are a fun way to sharpen your skills when you’re not writing anything in particular. You can find lists of these online, and here are a few of mine that use a photograph of scenery.

For practicing tone: Look at the photograph and think of 10 descriptive words, like cloudy, swampy, wintery, etc. Now imagine the photo is the first shot of a horror movie. Think of 10 creepy descriptive words. Now imagine it’s part of a rom-com and think of 10 sweet and upbeat descriptive words. And so on.

For practicing character development: Imagine a character of whatever description you like. This scenery is their workplace. What do they do? How do they feel about it? How did they end up with this job? Now imagine a character who has a recurring dream about this scenery. What does the dream mean? How will they find out? Then imagine a character who makes this place their home. Where do they live? Is it a hidden home or easily found? What do they eat? And so on.

For practicing action writing: Imagine two characters at one edge of your photograph. They’re in a race to get to the other edge, across whatever landscape you’ve got. Describe who wins and how. Now imagine they’re fighting from one edge to another. Then have them dancing, sneaking, or whatever you like.

Thanks for reading! Remember, you’re a writer if you write, even if it’s just in your head, even if it’s just sometimes. You are not your production. You are your creative spark.

This article was first published on my writing blog

DannyeChase.com ~ AO3 ~ Linktree ~ Weird Wednesday writing prompts blog ~ Resources for Writers

Image credit

[thedevilrisen]

Cool Continuations

Quinn x Reader!oc

Word Count: 900 words!

Authorial Note: Part two of ‘Concrete Impressions.’ This is also a part of Cookie’ Universe! Thank you for the overwhelming amount of support on this au so far 🥺🫶🏼. NOTE THAT THIS IS ALSO A NORMAL QUINN FIC, IT IS A READER INSERT THAT ALIGNS WITH MY AU.

Warnings: Mentions of War in a classroom context.

‘The Vietnam War, started on the first of November, 1955…’ Quinn rested his chin on his balled-up fist. The bottom, bony part of his elbow was turning red and beginning to ache from how much weight he was resting on it. He wasn’t paying attention to the lecture at all. Normally, he only paid attention if it was dire or if he had an exam fast approaching. But today was different. He glanced periodically over at Cookie, paying attention to someone else entirely.

Quinn was hunched over, day-dreaming himself silly over the idea of being her prince charming. He imagined teaching her to skate, maybe even getting her to come to one of his games, wearing his jersey...

“What was that date again?” Y/N sighed, looking pensively at her iPad notes. Quinn’s heart jumped—he wanted to answer her, just to see her smile. He quickly Googled it, then read her the answer. In doing this, he learned he could be the one to make her smile, something he had already decided was his favorite thing. He pretended to absorb all the professor’s information like a sponge, even jotting down a few notes when she did.

Soon, he was noticing even more details about her, things he couldn’t help but find adorable. She was so particular about her academics; her notes were methodically typed and organized. She used both a physical calendar and an online one, and had a habit of thinking out loud. During a small writing task, she mumbled to herself, like a human articulation machine. She would say a word, then scrunch up her face, muttering something about there being a better one. He found himself smiling whenever she did this, realizing he didn’t just like seeing the joy on her face when she found the right word—he loved it.

‘Homework is due by 9 p.m. on Friday… dismissed!’

Quinn watched as she wrote this down in her physical planner: left side, third row down. He barely knew her, but he already felt himself sliding from curiosity to borderline obsession. He wanted to know every little thing that made Cookie unique, down to the tiniest detail. "What are you doing for the rest of the afternoon, Cookie?”

He watched as Y/N meticulously packed her notebook and iPad into her bag, slinging it back onto her shoulder. She adjusted her hair, tucking it over her ear. “I’m heading back to my dorm to have a pretty tame night. I’ll probably finish homework for this class, as well as my work for bio! It’s Tuesday though, so I’ll be ordering Indian and watching Gilmore Girls!”

Quinn smiled to himself gently. “Sounds like a packed evening there!”

“It will be, but it’s relaxing to me.” She quietly thanked a classmate who held the door open for them. Once they were in the corridor, Quinn lingered, desperate to absorb every second he could with her.

“Do you have anything on tonight, Quinn?”

The dazed look in his eyes dulled, and he snapped back to the moment. “I have hockey training tonight. We’ve got a game on Thursday, against BU.”

“Fun!” she said with a beaming smile, removing her heavy bag to hold it in front of her. Quinn noticed this and put two and two together—she’d been holding it too long, and it was getting heavy.

“I hope you do well in that game, Quinn!”

Quinn scratched the back of his neck, letting out a sheepish laugh as his eyes crinkled with a smile. “I was actually wondering… I know it’s sudden and short notice, but would you like to come? I could get you a ticket.”

He watched as surprise washed over her features. “You would want me to come?”

“Yeah!” What he really wanted to say was, I’d love for you to be there, but he managed, “I think it would be great if you were there!”

She smiled, a small joy-filled expression that just about melted Quinn. “I’d love to be there if it’s not too much hassle to get me a ticket?”

“Not at all! I can get you one and message it to you… I would need your phone number though!” He was trying to play his cards right. Even though he barely knew her, he knew these hours were some of the most formative and important he’d ever lived.

“Here, pass your phone—I can put it in!” Quinn placed his phone in her small, delicate hand and watched as her nimble fingers typed in her number before she handed it back carefully. “I have to go, but I’m sure I’ll see you again, Polka-dot.”

“Polka-dot?” Quinn looked down at her, bewildered. “What kind of nickname is that?”

“You’ll just have to find out!” She grinned at him, her hair waving as she turned and made her way toward the exit, her bag slung back on her shoulder. Quinn felt dazed, in awe of everything about her—her beauty, her kindness, and most of all, her effortless ability to be herself.

As she left, he realized she’d agreed to come to his game, and he had her phone number. Now, he just needed to make sure he didn’t mess this up. The next priority was securing that ticket for her, which meant that soon, all his teammates would know.

This was going to be interesting. But Quinn already knew it would be so, so worth it.

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Thoughts: Happy One-Year Anniversary ❤️🤍💙

I think it’s safe to say my life changed because of this movie.

I didn’t buy the book with the thought of it being this significant, but the moment I started reading and followed the promo leading up to movie, I could tell this was something different. Something bigger.

For one, because of this movie, I was happier than I ever was since Form 6 Farewell in January 2022. Waking up happy to check out what updates there were, counting down the days to the movie’s release.

I cannot pin point what in particular made this so different, so much more to me. Whether that be seeing characters similar to me, even in age navigate a strange and wild world, or the delight of watching my book come to life on my screen brought, or finding comfort in seeing Alex and Henry come together and end up being the one pair in all of the historical queer couples they quoted in their email to announce their relationship, no hiding anymore, just being themselves, and being accepted.

And this is the first time I ever joined a fan community. Partly because I think I’m finally at the age where I know how to handle my online presence, partly because I was just bursting with excitement from the movie I needed a place to scream about it and be heard, be responded to, I joined Tumblr, and made so many now personal friends through the fandom. Friendship with different backgrounds, from different countries, all united by this love for this little movie, all sustained with a deeper connection.

I found people to turn to when things for me were getting too much, or when I needed advice but didn’t know where to turn to. I went to sleep crying from a big family argument and woke up to ten messages checking on me. I found another place to belong. A sanctuary.

The movie saved me. I was drowning and suffocating for most of the last quarter of 2023, and the one thing that kept me from sinking into the void was RWRB and the community I found.

On the day of my calculus exam, we got a sequel, and I felt such a burst of euphoria that I, someone who’s been terrified of maths exam and has never passed an advanced math exam, went into the venue feeling like I could conquer the world. This was the best I’ve ever done in Math since primary 6. I went from an F to a B+ in this course.

After sobbing my eyes out at Alex’s telling Henry “Nothing will ever happen to you” and being afraid that the same would apply to me, and asking advice from a lot, a lot of people, and reading about Alex’s story of finding a new dream, turning from politics to law, and Taylor’s story of giving up what his parents wanted from him (funnily enough, biochem) to pursue what he wanted, I gathered up my courage and applied for a program transfer, and got into the program I wanted in the first place. I think I’m gonna be a lot happier and more motivated now, and hopefully the demons will pop up a little less.

I could not have had the bravery to take my life into my own hands and break out of the path I was stuck on without RWRB, Alex and Henry, Taylor and Nicholas, and my many new friends inspiring and encouraging me to do so.

My life is better because of this movie. That’s insane, but it’s also the truth.

So happy anniversary to our little movie that’s not so little anymore. Happy one year to our Emmy-nominated, sequel-in-progress queer rom-com. I love you, I love you all. Thank you for all the wonders and salvation you brought me.

And I’m so excited for what comes next for us.

(yes that is me singing the birthday song to a movie)

[mjalti]

I cheated on med school exams in first year during Covid maybe 3-4 - and I’m in residency now at the same school and feel like slowly the docs I work with are starting to slowly find out. Every month there’s someone new whose demeanor with me seems to totally change up and it gets tense and awkward where before I never felt like we had any kind of an issue in fact I felt like we really got along well together.

I’m only in my first year of training and I’m worried that this underlying talk about a current resident who’s a previous cheater will continue to spread and make my time here that much more distant with people and really hurt the way I relate to others, to the point I’ll miss out on community and support.

Is there anything I can do about this? I almost want to ask certain docs if they have a particular issue w me and if there’s anything I can do to smooth things over by talking things through. I’m feeling an incredible amt of anxiety about the whole thing and I don’t know what steps I could take to mitigate it.

It sounds like you're going through a really tough and isolating experience right now. The anxiety you're feeling is completely understandable, and it's important to acknowledge and address these feelings rather than letting them build up.

Firstly, it's commendable that you're reflecting on this and seeking ways to improve your situation. It shows a lot of maturity and self-awareness. Although it is wrong to cheat, it’s not because it is a cardinal sin. The reasons are because of what you are learning right now. Information compounds in everything. But especially things like medicine. I think that your view of how others treat you is tainted by the fact that you know you have cheated. They do not know YOU have cheated, but the stress and anxiety is heavy in your heart.

You can always ask specific doctors for feedback but understand that they have a thousand things to do and may not respond kindly, quickly, or in as a validating way as you want. They are not responsible for soothing your conscience. The only thing you can do is, if you remember the exams you cheated on, go back and take them blind. See if you can pass an equivalent online exam.

Especially in medicine, do not cheat because of the fact that even one poor decision can cast a huge doubt on your professionalism, your judgement, and the respect others have for you. You do not need to suffer a thousand lifetimes for a mistake you acknowledge and regret. But you do owe it to yourself and the future patients you will have to mitigate the effect of this time on you as a practitioner. I hope you use this experience to become the best practitioner you can be but do not put a script in people’s mouths; they do not know what you did. They should not be punished for what your insecurities are telling you to suffer over. Do better.

[bellamonde]

Update on Afghanistan

Taliban continues its repression of women. 

Here’s a summary of the situation of women in Afghanistan:

Banned from university education

Banned from attending school above 6th grade

Banned from entering parks, bathhouses, gyms, and other public places

Banned from working for domestic or foreign NGOs

Banned from working in the media, including acting

Banned from working outside the home, except for a few sectors and particular roles (which have been ever decreasing)

No women in cabinet and there is no Ministry of Women’s Affairs, effectively removing women’s right to political participation

Women are required to have a male chaperone when they are travelling more than 78 kilometres.

Women have been ordered to wear head-to-toe covering. 

However, brave and courageous Afghan girls and women are protesting. They are taking to the streets, posting their stories online and not giving up. And we have also seen young Afghan men join the fight by walking out from their exams. The women, girls and boys who are protesting are all risking their lives. 

Afghanistan is no longer alone and the women of Afghanistan have millions of women around the world supporting their cause. They will not be silenced. And we have to make sure their voices are amplified. So, please post about Afghanistan and put pressure on your representatives. Taliban is a terrorist regime who has hijacked Afghanistan and is destroying a beautiful people, a beautiful country and an amazing culture. 

Don’t forget, this was Afghanistan in 1970s:

But Afghan women are strong and brave and continue their fight against repression:

And now Afghan men have joined them as well as a group of Afghan university students walked out of their exams. 

Above is a photo of male students at Afghanistan's Nangarhar University walked out of their exams in solidarity with their female peers. 

These brave women and men are endangering their lives. Videos have come out showing Taliban shooting at them with live bullets. But they will not be silenced. Afghan women have been fighting for and demanding their freedom for the past 30 years and they will not stop. And they are no longer alone in this fight. 

#Education is Human Rights

# Women’s Rights = Human Rights

[multidimensionalguidance]

Cancer Season For All Signs (Part 2)

Thought I’d leave the other signs waiting for too long? Well, here I’m back to deliver the rest of this monthly prediction for the signs.

As previously mentioned, Cancer season is now upon us till August 16th! We will be focusing our energy towards the aspects of our lives that are related to our home, mothers, domestic comfort, vehicles, roots, and inner world.

This transit will have a particular effect for each Ascendant/Rising sign during this time, but please make sure to also take a look at your Moon as well.

Note: All of my astrology post are sidereal calculations!

Libra

During this month it's all about your career, profession, public appearance, reputation, fame, grandmother from paternal side, and/or in-laws. If you've been waiting for your moment to shine at work, starting a new business, launching a brand, or even posting more often on social media then your time has arrived. Venus will be making you seem more attractive than usual to those outside of your every sphere, people at work, and even strangers online/offline. You might already been feeling like being out more often, uploading more pictures, getting prettier for work, or simply in a mood to be seen. If not, then by all means start grinding the gears towards that direction. Promotions and gains from work will be more likely to occur during this time, so don't shy away from using all this energy to take try and escalate the corporate or work ladder. There will also continue to be an increased on sudden shocking truths being revealed. You might unexpectedly experience a loss that might shake you or leave you feeling wounded, be it from a financial aspect or someone whom you cherished (not necessarily death). You will be protected if any harm comes your way, so just focus on processing it all in the best way possible.

Scorpio

Traveling, higher education, beliefs, cross-cultural relationships, and spirituality will be taking the front lines until the Sun moves to Leo. You will be feeling more keen to spending on these matters than in any other month. There might also be the possibility for you to have a special encounter with a foreigner, be it in the form of a friend, a spiritual teacher, romantic partner, or an individual that is spends surrounded by books/universities/etc. Don't be surprise if you find yourself traveling a lot during this time as well, be it locally within your own country or to other countries. You will be feeling more introspective than usual, and that's saying a lot since you Scorpio's are already this way by nature. Perhaps you've been questioning some big things in your life lately, and now actively seeking answers for them. Well, I'll be the one that to tell you that which we seek is often looking for us as well, and it might find you sooner than you think. The universe is pulling you towards exploring the ways in which you've held your values, morals, and spirituality more than ever. It is time for you to reassess how aligned to your higher purpose you've been feeling, and making the necessary tweaks to follow that path rigorously. This would also be a good time for you to visit temples of any sort, learn a new language, study for any exams, and to reconnect with your inner flame. If your mother or childhood home is faraway from where you are currently, then perhaps you'll be traveling there to spend more time together. This is the time to nourish your connection with the divine and connect with motherly figures that make you feel safe, loved, and protected.

Sagittarius

Things are about to get wonky and mystical for your during this season, so get ready! It's almost like experiencing Halloween during the middle of summer. Your interest for the occult, mystic, and all spooky things will be at all time high. You're being called to transform and transmute during this time Sagittarius, and this will imply experiencing some inner darkness or old skeletons coming out of the closet. Now, as long as you maintain your usual positive and curious mindset then it will just be slightly uncomfortable yet needed experiences. There will also be an increase in your savings, and this could come from joint assets (if you're married) or in general others wanting to splurge a bit on you. You will be feeling a bit more pampered than usual, which is great because I know that work and health could be of some concern. If you're exercising and keeping a good health check on your body, then no worries about any illness, but be mindful of possible accidents occuring so don't go THAT hard on the gym or extreme sports. Any time that you choose to spend learning about occult practices, finances, and even secrets that you might feel keen of hiding for whatever reason, will be of importance to you during this time. If there's any information that has been kept from you then during this month it will be revealed as well. Do not be surprise either if you're feeling more keen to quite literally merging with someone else *wink wink* or exploring things in the bedroom that before were not so appealing to you. Others will feel you more magnetizing than ever, so be ready to be approached by all sorts of people, including the not so regular ones.

Capricorn

Love has its sight on your, Capricorn. You're one of the signs that people usually assume is very disconnected from romance, but in reality your muted outward expression is often matched with a deep intensity of feelings within. You've been wondering for a while when the plot with romance would get interesting, and well, the universe is putting partnerships on the center stage for you. In general, you and others around will be in an energy of sharing. All sort of relationships from all different levels will be at play during this season, and its not the time for you to play the nonchalant card anymore. Venus going through your 7th house is saying that its time for you to enjoy the beauty of interacting with others through creativity, joy, love, and anything that brings pleasure. In terms of business, you will also be having more interactions with your clients than ever and there might be some coworkers who catch your eye or vice versa. The universe is tired of how often you want to play safe when it comes to relationships, and the its truly flipping the table around with zero f*cks. You have been encountering all sort of situations that are pushing you out of your comfort zone, and even interest in people or activities that were never appealing for you before. The key behind ensuring that these interactions will be worthy of your time and energy is to have a soft approach to them. Trust your intuition with how you feel towards those that are close to you at the moment, regardless of the type of relationship. Nourish your closed ones and allow them to make you feel valued, heard, understood, and deeply loved. You deserve it!

Aquarius

All right, someone said "it's all about my hot summer body" for this season and we love it. The highlight for your during this time will be about your health, wellness, work, routine, business, job, pets, and even enemies. It seems like you've activated the gears within you and have been putting all that soft and nurturing energy towards your body lately. If you haven't already started a self care routine for yourself, then don't worry, you're still on time to start! The universe wants you to prioritize investing your energy on matters that will allow you to feel more structured, organized, and focused, which is exactly what Saturn (your chart ruler) loves to do. You might be feeling like adding a touch of beauty, harmony and aesthetics to your work and routine. Yeah, I see the little decorations you're adding to your desk or work space, and that's exactly what you should be doing. Don't be surprised if coworkers are looking at you a little too hard during this time around as well. Your mind, body, and spirit are calling you to give it some deep love during this time, so any activities that aids you towards bringing a deeper alignment of these three aspects will be highly beneficial for you. If your stomach has been acting up more than usual, then please start taking into consideration drinking tea or any natural option that is connected to your cultural roots. There has been A LOT of pressure and weight placed on your shoulders Aquarius, and if you don't counter all of that with care towards your wellness then it is likely you might suffer some sort of illness this time around that leaves you stuck in bed for a bit. Remember, you only know how much you love breathing until your nose is clogged and you can't stop coughing.

Pisces

Fun times are coming around for you, Pisces! There will be a focus on romance, love, play, creativity, self expression, children, learning, etc. You have been really focused on yourself since December of last year, and this is not by coincidence. A lot of wounds, spiritual awakenings, shady people have been running into you, and this has definitely been quite exhausting, but I'm here to tell you that it's not all work and no play. During this Cancer season you will be feeling more relaxed and seeking situations that put a smile on your face. It could be that life have dampen your mood lately, but it will be balanced out during this time if you're willing to put energy towards activities which encourage your creativity and self expression. There might also be a special highlight on romantic relationships since Venus is transiting the house of romantic affairs, and you if you're open to it, you're likely to encounter a lot of people near you who are interested in developing a connection. It doesn't mean it will be long term, but it can be a fun, unusual and exciting one. Be wary of gossip from others though! Jupiter is going to keep on expanding communication, hobbies, and short traveling so you will have the chance during this season to shine brightly in your community. You might even develop an interest or put a focus towards politics/government, if you haven't already, or perhaps developing your education further in somewhere that feels like home to you.

If you’d like to know with eve even more detail how Cancer season will be for you or would like to receive a reading from me, feel free to check out my services by clicking the link below or typing multiguidance.com in your preferred browser 🦋✨

[shrimpathizer]

this is just a theory (i haven't looked into this bit that much) but I feel like the reason that misinformation is so wildly rampant in online communities about ADHD (probably also autism) is in part because of how inaccessible actual professional information about it is.

Like, I remember before I got my diagnosis (what started off this whole thing a while back), I was looking at the CDC website description of symptoms of ADHD with my mom and. If you thought you were neurodivergent and were looking at this thing trying to see if you should get tested, its basically saying "screw you. you're either a child who is going to be here because of their parents, or an adult who is also here because of another neurotypical."

one of the criteria was literally "is often 'on the go' acting as if 'driven by a motor.'" that means absolutely nothing. you are using undefined expressions to explain something to someone who historically is not good at understanding unexplained social norms (such as expressions).

plus, its incredibly subjective. "on the go" could mean something wildly different for one person then the next. and "often" could mean "all the time every day" or "only at school" or even "every other week." not to mention the memory issues that at least a lot of the people who I know with ADHD struggle with.

someone who might have ADHD has no way of knowing if they "often have trouble organizing tasks and activities" or if that is a normal amount. there is no way for them to easily know if they "often do not seem to listen when spoken to directly."

so it seems obvious to me, that they would turn to other people with ADHD. and the easiest place to find them these days is online. thats how I started wondering if I should get diagnosed. they're probably trying to find some other way to understand or know. and since its social media and social media is rampant with misinformation, of course they are going to be fed misinformation.

people are going to tell them "you see this weird thing that you do? I do that too. and its actually because of this much larger thing. trust me." and people will. because there really isn't much of another place for them to turn. they are going to self-diagnose with every disorder under the sun to make themselves feel at home and feel like they aren't weird or wrong.

maybe i'm way off here but I think that if you want people (teens in particular) to stop turning to social media for comfort and information, you should give them other resources that are accessible. that they don't have to pay to see, that they can understand clearly, that acknowledges all the weird things that they feel bad about.

and sort of as a side note: i remember in elementary school, early on (this might have just been my school/city/state), the school set up one of those mobile classrooms on the yard and would pull kids out for like a good couple months to do eye exams. because we've normalized that kids also have eye problems and thats normal. and maybe, could we also get a small little assessment. just to see if we can find neurodivergent kids early on and get them help so that they don't suffer for years and years.

and i'm not talking as someone who has had it hard. i have had it so easy compared to so many others. i have supportive parents and get good grades, and yet, i am constantly burnt out. i constantly feel horrible. not just because of depression. maybe i'm being too radical here but i feel like i shouldn't need a 504 plan to say that if i'm having a panic attack i can leave the room. that if i'm having trouble focusing i can go to the library or somewhere else. that i can get extensions on due dates. that i can see a copy of the notes or lesson for reference. i don't know maybe i'm just incredibly radical that i think people shouldn't have to be expected to work four times as hard to get anything done and then get blamed when they don't live up to the expectation. whether or not they are neurodivergent.

[starlightshadowsworld]

Agency informant Izaya

Don't let the title fool you because technically Izaya's not a member of the Agency.

He's a freelance informant, he doesn't just work with the Agency.

It's just that he has a particular interest and dare I say, fondness for the Agency.

They even have access to his number, for emergencies of course.

Izaya could pass the entrance exam, if he wanted too. But has declined everytime, and thus never officially joined their ranks.

That grey area is one he exploits, naturally, when the Decay of Angels situation arises.

Because, as per technicality they can't go after Izaya. Not that they could even if they tried.

Izaya doesn't live in Yokohama, he uses a fake name whenever he visits.

And he doesn't need an ability to cover up his crimes, Izaya's been doing that for years.

The only person who could even try to get through is Katai, and he would never.

So Izaya sits on the sidelines, watching everything go down. He hears the exact wording used for the page and exploits that lovely technicality.

Izaya does what he does best, he goes online and spreads information. He seeds doubt into the public that the Agency could ever be involved in such a heinous crime.

That is until he gets a message from Ranpo.

Show time.

"Izaya?! You're here too?!"

Izaya, sitting in his wheelchair in Anne's room waves to Atsushi.

"Of course, man you guys have been put the ringer." He says, gesturing go Atsushi's attire. Atsushi sighs "you could say that again."

But there's a sense of relief in his and Kyouka's faces at the sight of their informant. "How did you get here so fast?" Asked Kyouka, sitting beside him, Atsushi following.

Ango clears his throat, reminding him of the mission at hand.

Izaya's grin doesn't waver "I'll tell you later, as for you mister." He promises them, before looking at Mushitaro who raises an eyebrow at this strange new addition. "I've got my own questions, if you don't mind."

Ango nods, having his own.

Lucy sits beside Atsushi, giving a passing nod to Izaya before turning her attention to Mushitaro.

"Alright, but you're not gonna like this."

[kiwisoap]

hi! this is kinda a weird question, but ive been looking into starting my falconry apprenticeship for ages now (still gotta work some shit out first) and ive noticed that a huge amount of falconers seem particularly... hostile? to newcomers? and appear to be unforgiving of small mistakes and things like that. (this is in my states facebook falconry group, so take this with a grain of salt.) do you have any thoughts on whether people are nicer in person? im afraid of applying for a sponsor and they turn out to be super rude when it's my first time doing things. sorry if this is a bad place to ask!!!

So i will preface by saying that things, of course, will vary depending on the specific community but in GENERAL all the falconry groups I've interacted with in person have been very friendly, open, welcoming, and helpful! With that being said, the attitude in online falconry groups can be quite different lol

and yeah that kind of attitude can be kind of pervasive in online falconry spaces, in PARTICULAR toward people who are not yet apprentices, but a large part of it is that, like... falconry groups (especially facebook groups lmao) can attract a lot of people who really like the idea of falconry, but are in no way prepared or willing to deal with the reality of it. Plenty of falconers have dealt with 'pre-apprentices' asking for sponsorship who then either don't follow up, or only commit for a few weeks then bail. So a lot of the rudeness/hostility can be a way of sorta,, curtailing that type of person from futzing around and wasting everyone's time LOL.

And another aspect of it comes from the fact that, in general, you should have a pretty solid grasp on the basics of falconry before you ever attempt to get a sponsorship (imo taking your state falconry exam before you ever try to find a sponsor is a great way to single yourself out as someone who is genuinely dedicated and willing to put in the time and effort to learn, and you will probably get a sponsor much more quickly and easily that way haha). So if you are, for example, a new apprentice making careless mistakes, then it can be a sign that you're not actually taking the sport seriously, which is a risk to both your bird and yourself AND makes your sponsor look bad.

However I will reiterate that IN PERSON the vast majority of these folks are super kind, friendly, knowledgeable people who are happy to see people get interested in the sport! I would recommend trying to go to your state club's picnic (usually held in the summer) or to one of their meets (held in the winter - in TN we usually have our picnic in august and our meet in january). Showing up in person does absolute wonders for showing people that you're actually serious about it and that you're not just interested on a whim and potentially going to waste people's time asking for a sponsor without following up.