#one thing im struggling on is deciding to change one of her traits

[piknim]

Ahh my worse enemy strikes again

Monitor difference

[alaskaartz]

MY AU PK'S COMPLETE LORE!! (I think)

I'm probably forgetting some stuff but HERE WE GO!! Also feel free to ask me anything about- any of this, im happy to answer!!

Wyrm Biology

Wyrms are a type of dragon, divided into two types, usually referred to as dawn and dusk wyrms. All wyrms share some common traits such as having horns ( the amount depends on the type of wyrm) and being able to change their form in a dire emergency, all wyrms are immortal meaning they will never get old or die of old age, all wyrms can use a plasma blast in self defense too, wyrms burrow underground to make dens for their families, young wyrms just burrow for fun making tunnels and such, occasionally making a small underground spot to hide what would become their hoard. All wyrms are protective of their hoards, and will usually only let their mates in to the hoard 

All wyrms mate for life, despite being absolutely massive (avenerge sized wyrm is 13500ft to 3 miles long) (longest wyrm ever recorded in history was 5.5 miles long / 29040ft / 8.8 kilometers) and territoryal, they are very caring and gentle creatures, especially when it comes to ones they hold dear.

Female wyrms only have one egg every 500 years, but usually end up having around 6-8 offspring 

Wyrms have pretty bad eyesight so they have heightened senses of smell and hearing to make up for the poor vision

Wyrms are omnivours, meaning they can and will eat both meat and vegetation. Though wyrms tend to prefer hunting for food then picking tiny berries off a bush they can hardly see

All wyrms have stripes or spots as well, even both at times, though there is a rare genetic mutation that some wyrms get that makes them entirely one color, scales, skin, fur, horns, all one color

Wyrms are very very intelligent and can learn a lot of things in a matter of days, they also can adapt to things fairly quickly as well. Wyrms also have an ability to open an use portals to teleport around.

Dawn wyrms

Dawn wyrms typically have lots of horns on their heads and fur, they also are pale in color (different shades of gray and white) they have fur tufts that extend down from the sides of their heads. When hunting dawn wyrms will lower their heads and wait perfectly still, until they feel vibrations from the ground in the fur tufts and when they have the chance they will strike, this has been proven very effective because dawn wyrms have a 98% success rate when it comes to hunting Dawn wyrms do not have wings at all, and prefer to stay in more dusty areas, but close to mountain bases, dawn wyrms have smaller eyes than dusk wyrms to block out sunlight and dust

Dusk wyrms

Dusk wyrms have fewer horns on their heads (at max 4-6) and no fur, Dusk wyrms can be found pretty much anywhere, they are typically darker shades as well. Dusk wyrms are typically shades of gray and black, it is very rare to find a dusk wyrm with any white on them. Dusk wyrms also hunt in darker areas, meaning they have bigger eyes to semi detect movement when hunting. Though Dusk wyrms have about a 70-80% success rate when it comes to hunting, they’re a lot more clumsy, which means they resort to vegetation when hunting is a bust. Dusk wyrms are also typically on the bigger side of the scale of wyrm size. Dusk wyrms can also summon wings made of soul, they naturally produce a lot of soul so they can summon their wings whenever they need to, most of them can summon 4-7 pairs of wings. 

PK lore

PK’s parents-birth

PKs mother Sam was a dawn wyrms looking for a different place to live, the place she had been staying her whole life was running low on food so she decided it’d be best if she left and went to find a mate elsewhere. Meanwhile PKs father Luci (Full name Lucifer) was struggling because his family saw him as bad luck, because he hatched all black and the biggest of his litter. His parents saw this as a threat to the rest of their children so they chased him away the second he no longer needed them to survive. The two wyrms were on the run from their home lands when they quite literally ran into each other. Sam was surprised but very excited because this big wyrm she just found seemed mate worthy, Luci on the other hand was weary this wyrm he just found would chase him away too, but she didn’t. For months they courted each other until finally becoming mates. 

They had their first egg in the year 24 (yes, year 24.) and they had their first son named Adam, they had their second egg in 524, and they had their son TJ, they had their third egg in 1024, august 30th  their son PK was born, just like Luci, PK had the solid color gene too, though PK was all white and the runt of the litter, making him the smallest of his siblings, after PK was born Luci and Sam their final egg in 1524, their daughter Enid. 

Early life

A lot of PKs early life (from being born to age of maturity) was spent being carried around by his parents. Because PK was so small his parents feared he’d get lost, hurt, or squished. Though PK did get along great with his siblings, PK was a little closer to his younger sister than his brothers, mainly because Adam and TJ were known to take full trees out of the ground and wack each other with them. Despite this, Adam and TJ were always gentle when interacting with PK. PK was a total mama's boy too, he followed his mother around everywhere, the only time Luci had to keep PK in the den so he wouldn’t follow Sam was when Sam would go out hunting, she always returned with more than enough food for her family. PK was very curious about everything around him, and just curious in general, once he wanted to try out flying without his parents around to supervise, because he was young and not used to flying yet, he crashed and got hurt, so Luci had to go find him and bring him home, he wasn’t allowed to leave the den for a month after that incident. Once PK got older and had reached the age of maturity, Sam and Luci let him go out hunting with them, despite being small PK was still a very good hunter, though all that didn’t last very long. 

For years wyrms were being hunted and killed because a clan of dragon hunters (the godseekers) believed that drinking their blood would grant immortality and make them all powerful. 

While Wyrm blood did not make mortals IMMORTAL- it did extend their lives a few years or so. The godseekers clan leader, Godseeker herself, took it upon herself to kill every single wyrm in existence. And of course Godseeker went after PKs family too. Godseeker went after Adam first, he was able to get home but unfortunately his wounds were fatal and he passed the second he made it back to his family, which meant godseeker went after Luci next. Sam saw all this happening and had to make a very difficult choice, would she let all her children die alongside her? Or risk it and take away one of her children in hopes they would live. Sam decided to risk it and take one of her children far far away, TJ was trying to assist Luci in fighting Godseeker, so Sam had to decide between Enid and PK. Enid was bigger than PK yes, but that made her an easier target, she was also still quite young so the chances of her surviving on her own were slim. PK was older, smaller, and had good survival skills, meaning his chances of surviving this were much much higher. Sam took PK and went as far as she could, she dropped him at the side of a mountain and screeched at him to run, while Sam rushed back to attempt to help fight off Godseeker. 

Post Godseeker

(year: 1908-1910)

PK ended up transforming, which only a full blooded wyrm can do ONCE in their life. He made himself smaller, gave himself limbs, and ran. He ran as fast as he could. For the following months he was still getting used to his new body, and how to use it, but he was getting on just fine. One day he was climbing down a mountain and stopped on the top of a hill, at the base he could see a village of some kind, perhaps a city? (he didn’t know all he could see were colored blotches or something) unfortunately since he wasn't used to his new body, he slipped and that sent him tumbling down the hill.  

In the city, a woman, White lady (WL) was stringing up her laundry when she saw something (PK) tumbling down the hill, she quickly rushed inside to grab some towels and ran over to help. When she found him at the base of the hill, he had been knocked out from hitting his head, which now had a crack all across his face, and he had a few cuts and scrapes here and there. 

After PK woke up, he was very confused, he didn’t know where he was, he didn’t know anything about anything around him. WL tried to calm him down but all he received was some growling and screeches from PK. Once PK realized WL wasn't going to hurt him, he softened up a bit, letting her help him, even though at times he nipped at her because rubbing alcohol on wounds is painful. 

WL quickly started asking PK who he was, where he was from, what he was. PK didn’t know any languages so he only stared at her. While frustrating, WL began to teach PK how to speak, write, and read. While WL was at work or the library, PK was home learning, and with his very high wyrm intelligence, he learned to speak fluently in a month or so, he started to read any book he could get his hands on. 

PK really liked WL, so he did anything he could to try to impress her, though obviously dragon courtship didn't work on WL, luckily she didn't know that's what he was trying to do, so PK went and learned how to properly impress her. Bringing her flowers, giving her gifts, ect, in time PK was able to win over WLs heart with ease and they began dating.

Soon enough PK started working. He ended up working with the police because he was able to figure out cases very quickly, and he wasn't afraid to go after anyone, despite being short. 

During PKs time working with the police, he began to gain a lot of popularity. He was smart, caring, charming. And while working with the police, PK was able to arrest most of and crack down on a mafia. He got super close to arresting the whole entire mafia, but they went radio silent and he lost any trace of the mafia higher ups. The police chief had PK retire at that point, so he could focus on his lover (WL) and their life. (Year: 1950)  meanwhile the radiance, the current ruler of the lands, was not happy with how popular this God was getting. She started going mad, attacking anyone who dared question her. PK knew if this continued, Radiance's wrath would destroy the lands. So PK took it upon himself to defeat the Radiance, to protect everyone. 

There's a God list, based on how powerful each God is, PK is the God above everyone else, he's the God of the universe and everything beyond. Radiance is the second most powerful God, followed by WL and Unn, then the nightmare king.

Because of this, PK was able to defeat, and actually kill Radiance. He got pretty injured from the battle, so of course WL took care of him. While PK was recovering, and probably as high as a kite because of 1950s pain meds, the people were very inspired by PK, and wanted to make him King, since there needed to be a new Ruler. 

In 1960, PK was made the King of what was now Hallownest. PK still lived in WLs home, and so while designing the palace they'd be living in, PK made sure to add anything WL wanted to be there too. 

(Year:1970) The palace was completed and PK and WL moved into it together, PK was establishing his advisors and his court, while his and WLs friends, immortal beings but not God's, became the five great knights. 

(Year:1984) after years of asking and nagging PK had finally proposed and him and WL were getting married. PK made sure it was the best wedding every, anything for his love. during the wedding PK made a small ceremony for WL being ‘crowned’ queen. For the next 15 years, PK and WL established their kingdom. Meeting with Queen Vespa, to discuss the Hive, in the end Vespa gave them her kingdom, because her and WL were already best friends, and Vespa knew her kingdom would be in good hands with PK and WL ruling it, plus Vespa wanted to focus on thinking of settling down with her lover. The mantis Lords agreed that their kingdom would be in good hands being ruled by PK and WL. Unn being the oldest god, was willing to give over her kingdom, Green Grotto, because she was old, and tired, and ready for someone else to rule. 

After establishing their kingdom, PK and WL began to relax a bit and do things for fun. They were contacted and PK was asked to play the doctor on Doctor Who, which he agreed, and for awhile WL was the doctors companion (doctor and donna) towards the end of PKs time on the show, WL asked if they could stop acting and start really talking about having a family.

The kids

Before PK and WL had kids, PK knew it'd be an insane danger to his children if godseeker was still out there, so without telling WL he tracked down godseeker and defeated her, sealing her away where NO ONE would find her.

in 2003 PK and WL were excitedly awaiting to become parents. Though the pure joy was short lived, PK ended hearing about the radiance trying to return to the waking world via a dream infection, and only a being of God and void could contain her, meaning one of his children. PK spent many sleepless nights trying to find an alternative, but he couldn't. In the end PK put his first child's egg in the abyss fountain. He took the egg out a few months later and he and WL waited for it to hatch, begging that maybe, because the egg was quite big, that there'd be twins inside, and they'd have one child to raise. 

Against all odds, they got what they wanted. One child was normal, the other, completely hollow, if you didn't look close you'd assume they were dead. The child PK and WL were so lucky to have, they named them Hollow, the completely void Child, they named Kin. 

PK and WL were pretty nervous first time parents but they were doing their best, and they did amazing.  PK was able to teach Hollow to summon their wings and fly by the time they were 5. But the other child, Kin, was still needed to be sealed away, as an extra protective measure, Monomon, Lurien, and Herrah all became dreamers. 

(year: 2010, crazy I know)

PK met with Herrah to try to compromise over her becoming a Dreamer, herrah didn't like that and hurt PK really badly, despite that he went back and still gave Herrah what she wanted, a child. 

A few months later Herrah became a dreamer. Along with Monomon and Lurien, and kin was sealed away. Losing a child was really hard on PK and WL, making them go into hiding for Awhile. 

 But on December 7th, 2010, Hornet was brought to the palace, she was only 3 days old. PK and WL immediately jumped into action, getting anything and everything they needed to take care of Hornet, and WL adopted her immediately. For the next 7 years PK and WL were very happy raising Hollow and Hornet. 

Though during that time an assassin had attempted to assassinate Hollow, cutting off their right arm, in self defense, Hollow threw the assassin out the window, sending them down a rocky hill, resulting in the assassin's death. Hollow was brought to the hospital and they were treated they were put physical therapy, so they could learn how to only use their left arm. 

Then PK and WL decided to have another child, after WL had her egg (those who can have eggs have the egg for 3 months then the egg is just, an egg, for 6 months) PK and WL were excitedly awaiting their final child to hatch.

Unfortunately again the pure excitement was short lived. 

Two weeks after WL had the egg, PK was stabbed by an assassin who had been pretending to be a royal guard. The assassin stabbed PK through the spine, vertically, it's a miracle PKs alive, (AND CAN WALK STILL- )

PK plasma blasted the assassin in the face to attempt to keep them from attacking his family. 

PK was rushed to the hospital and had emergency surgery to stitch his organs back together and screw his spine back together. 

PK spent months in the hospital recovering, one day, on Halloween, PK and WLs egg was hatching back at the palace. PK was able to open a portal to the closet stag station so his family could get home quickly, though cars exist, stags are faster. Once his family left and PK was there alone, he just made a portal home and went home to be there with his egg when it hatched. Naturally when WL got there she was freaked out seeing her husband laying there with the egg when he was supposed to be at the hospital.  PK insisted he stay and WL let him. Afterwards, PK made a portal for himself and hollow to go back to the hospital.

For the following months PK recovered and went through a lot of physical therapy. He now wears a back brace at all times because he has chronic pain I'm his back from being stabbed. 

(Year: 2024)

Now days PK has a mostly normal life all things considered.  He runs Hallownest alongside his wife and has an amazing family life. :)

Important but idk where to put it

My friends AU Grimm Troupe realm hopped into mine, still not sure how, but they're my royal family's found extended family now

WL has an older brother named Willow and he is a MASSIVE jerk. He married Emilitia and they have two kids (Oakley and Maple) and now they're all banned from the palace because Emilitia just, decided to punch PK and broke his nose. 

Wow didn't know it'd take me this long but this AU takes place above ground and everyone is people sized

PKs an artist and he taught Hollow how to draw, that's also kinda how PK designed the palace, he drew it

Because of PKs transformation, he has a pretty bad immune system, so the palace is always shiny because it's been cleaned and sterilized sometime in the past 2 or 3 hours.

PK and his kids still have dragon behaviors such as, rolling in grass, purring, tail wagging, hoarding, ect. 

2 years ago (so 2022) Nightmare King, the boss of the nightmare mafia, and the one who sent the assassins after PK and Hollow, broke into the Palace trying to go after Hornet, luckily Hollow woke up and stopped him but NMK ended up smacking hollow in the face with the crowbar he had leaving them with the crack on their face. Afterwards PK had multiple troops storm NMKs house and arrest him. 

Headcanons but imma add them anyway

When the seasons change PK has a solid week of his throat being scratchy and he can’t speak because of it, afterwards he’s fine so he assumes it’s dragon-like seasonal allergies.

PK and the kids eyes are two different shades of black, but only WL can tell the difference between their eyes and their pupils

Every few months PK and the kids tail scales shed, Hollow’s usually get stuck so PK helps them with getting the scales unstuck 

PK and WL don’t know how old they are but PKs 1,000 and WLs 995

Because of being dragons, PK will sometimes go flying with Hollow and Hornet because the palace is on the edge of the city of tears (they overlook it from the palace gardens) and PK, Hollow, and Hornet will sometimes race around the city, occasionally accidentally scaring people because when flying fast, all of them make the night fury dive bomb sound. 

[untoldstar]

Your writing is addictiveeeee. Can u do ur ocs reaction to being cheated on by reader? Im so down bad for jesse 😫 hes just a lil guy who wants to be loved! Sue me!

The yanderes reaction to you cheating on them

Thank you smmm🫶 but fr I’m down bad for Jesse as well even tho he’s a lil psycho🫠

I can make a part two for the rest of the oc’s if anyone’s interested I just usually go for these oc’s because they’re the most popular and seem like a common favorite.

warnings: obsessive behavior, stalking, yandere themes, murder, stealing appearance and changing appearance (not reader), nsfw content, imprisonment, keeping reader locked up.

find out more about these characters here.

Ava (yandere best friend)

She’d go off the rails. She’ll cry and sob her heart out. she won’t talk to anyone except for you. Her phone is filled with missed calls and worried messages from her family and friends. Everyone gets so worried they start showing up at her apartment door but she’s too busy crying into her pillow waiting for your call or to hear your sweet voice outside her door.

She’d take you back in a heartbeat. Just please please don’t leave her.

Even if you already moved on and decided to be with your partner she’s still stuck on you and obsessing over how to get you back.

She’d go over every detail of the physical traits of the bitch you cheated on her with and tries to match it. What did you even see in them? they’re nothing compared to her!

Doesn’t matter. She’ll do whatever it takes. She’ll go as far as dying her hair, getting new piercings if they had any, changing her makeup, changing her entire wardrobe.

You’re absolutely mortified when she shows up at your doorstep looking like your partners lost twin.

Theo (yandere boss)

All his past paranoia will come right up to the surface. He’s always wanted to lock you up so no one would look at you so. No one would breathe your air. He didn’t want anyone to have the pleasure of even looking at you.

And you’ve finally given him a reason.

He has you cooped up in his mansion with no way of getting out. You’re always watched and monitored. Most of the week he’s working from home to be around you. Clothing you, feeding you, bathing you. He won’t let you out of your sight for a single second.

And every time you ask about your partner he’d smile softly and tell you to not worry about them. They don’t mean anything to you anymore.

Because they’re not here anymore.

Warner (rich yandere)

He can never be angry with you. No never~

But he will give you the punishment you deserve.

And he has certain methods for punishment like having you tied up to his bed and leaving you all alone in a dark lonely room with a vibrator strapped to your cunt.

You’re not truly alone of course, he’s always watching you with the cameras he set up.

Howw else is he supposed to stop the vibrator right when you’re about to cum?

Other than making you struggle for his forgiveness he also has to keep you busy while he gets rid of your little problem. He’s hurt people for you before and certainly has killed them but he’s never gotten to this level of cold blooded torture.

He spills their blood while in a trance like state, he’s absolutely drenched in their blood and the scene is gruesome enough to have his body guards who have seen many similar things while working with him not withstand this particular scene.

But you won’t know any of it, you don’t have to. They’re a distant memory by the time he’s back home in brand new clothes and looking as sharp as ever. Some of that rage is still simmering under that cool exterior though so he’s not quite finished with you yet.

Yandere bully

You’re not even in a relationship the guy tortures you on a daily basis! but he saw you get all blushy and smiling while another guy was teasing you in the hallway.

You never blush when he messes you what the fuck is that about?

That’s as good as cheating in his delusional mind.

He starts clinging to you everyday even more than before. Scowling and glaring at any guy who passes you by like a guard dog. You’re too focused on his asshole behavior to notice that you haven’t even seen the guy since.

You’ve heard students around you murmuring about a student who’s been in such a bad accident that he can’t even walk anymore. So many broken bones, swollen flesh, he might have even gotten a brain injury. Poor thing can’t even come to school anymore.

You never made the dots…

bonus! Yandere tentacle monster

Nom.

Let’s not forget this guy is an actual monster the second that guy gets on top of you on the bed he has already devoured him.

He walks toward you with an icy expression while wiping the blood off his mouth not paying any mind to your mortified expressions.

“You could’ve of at least brought a proper meal pet. That tasted absolutely terrible. I’d much rather eat you instead~”

the person reader cheated with knowing they’re absolutely fucked no matter who the oc is:

[miyuti]

“Tea..! Fresh tea!” the Tea Master calls out from his stand, a warm smile on his face as he serves the warm, magical tasting beverage from his ceramic teapot. The sound of the pouring liquid into the wooden, hand-carved cups made from a weeping willow coming over the little girl in front of the stall, waiting impatiently to get her taste of this magical tea. “Here you go, little one. Careful now.. it’s piping hot.” The Tea Master warns, but the girl does not heed his words, gripping onto the cup and hurrying off to her mother. The Tea Master laughs, looking down at his ceramic teapot, he ponders.. What would it be like to have a child of his own?

“Welcome to the world, little one..”

Awakening with a shock, you sit up with a teapot mysteriously placed on your lap, you can’t help but feel familiar with the feel of it. Looking around, you have been placed in the middle of an overgrown plot of land with a simple, yet mysterious wooden mailbox next to you. You stand up and realize.. this is the new life you’ve been given, and you must make the best of it.

Hello friends! Thank you for stopping by! Underneath the cut will be my very first Legacy challenge on this blog! It's a Tea Inspired Legacy! I hope you enjoy!

I apologize in advance, this post will be long, but I hope it'll be worth it for you! Or I will disappoint you as much as EA's new packs do-

Before we begin, I'd like to clarify some things and give some general notes that might be good to keep in mind for this challenge! As well as tag some creators that were a HUGE help with this challenge! Thank you so much to @magpietrait @nicatnite88 @vibratingbed @forbiddenwhims and @pluto-sims for the help with this challenge!! They were all a big help with giving me motivation, inspiration and feedback! Kisses for all of u gimme ur autograph pls ty ♡ Dividers by @/cafekitsune here on tumblr!

❥ 1. Please do not feel pressured to conform to every single rule I've set in this Legacy Challenge! If you feel it is stressing you out, CHANGE IT! Nobody will get mad at you, not me, not anybody. Focus on having fun instead of feeling like it's a chore.

❥ 2. Please tag me in your stories, edits and sim screenshots for this legacy!! I want to see what you guys do with this. Of course it's no requirement, but it'd make me a very happy little dude!

❥ 3. If you are having struggles with choosing a name for each Tea Generation, feel free to use the actual generation name instead! Though, there's a lot of tea out there, so I don't think that will be an issue.

❥ 4. Keep in mind that you're allowed to mix and match the traits and aspirations I've chosen for each generation! And if those traits don't work out for your story, feel free to pick your own!

❥ 5. Don't feel like you have to make your sim a specific style, if you have an idea for your Generation Heir/Founder, go nuts!! I encourage creativity on this blog! i love seeing ppls sim ocs fr pls go nuts im begging u

❥ 6. You may mix and match with the generation order! If you feel that something would be more fun to complete now, go right ahead! Or if you feel a specific Tea Name would better suit the sim you're working on right now, feel free to shuffle the names around!

❥ 7. You can play on whatever lifespan you want, no rule for that. Whatever you feel is the optimal for you! Normal, Custom or Long, doesnt matter!

Now for the General Rule Set! These will be your Foundation for your legacy challenge, and these are the ones I highly recommend you do not change, as they're what sets the groundwork for your stories! At least I'd like to think that--

❥ 1. The most important rule of them all, there must be a teapot somewhere in each Generation house. See it as an heirloom from the Tea Master! Why it's in the spot it is, what attachment your sim has to it and why they decide to keep it is completely up to you! It can be any sort of teapot, CC, Functional or purely a Decoration, doesn't matter as long as it looks like a teapot!

❥ 2. You start out with 1800 Simoleons and choose a bigger plot of land. You may not move from this plot of land until the last generation is finished.

❥ 3. For every world outside of the one your sims live in you must pay a Bus Ticket Fee of 50 Simoleons. If you own the High School Years pack, going to school or prom will not require you to pay the fee, as school buses exist. You also do not need to pay when traveling to different neighbourhoods in the same world as your home, as you can walk to the block down the street but cant walk from Los Angeles to New York City.

❥ 4. You must start off the Legacy as a Teenager! You are not allowed to have part-time jobs during your time as a teenager, you need to live off of the land.

❥ 5. You may add as many gameplay mods as you want, however you may not use cheats to increase skill gain, funds or needs, you may not use cheats to boost your career, delete moodlets or add moodlets to your sims. Only some exceptions that will be stated in the rules when they come up.

❥ 6. You have to name your sims after the tea type stated in their generation! So for example, Generation 1 could be named Earl Gray as a first name and Tea as a last name! (The last name is required.)

❥ 7. Your lot must have the 'Simple Living' Lot Challenge. For an extra challenge you may add the 'Off-the-Grid' Lot Challenge too.

♡ Generation One - Black Tea ♡

❥ Aspiration Choices:

Successful Lineage or

Big Happy Family

❥ Trait Choices (Choose only 3!):

Gloomy

Self-Assured

Ambitious

Family-Oriented

Jealous

❥ Career Choices:

Unemployed! (Srry abt that)

❥ Life Goals:

If you are getting a spouse, marry them after becoming Good Friends.

Have at least two children.

Plan Birthday Events for every single sim in your household (outside of pets and farm animals)

Have two or more of your Children fall in the range of a Positive Extra Trait. (Such as Mediator, Good Manners, etc.)

Max the Parenting skill.

Complete your Aspiration!

♡ Generation Two - Green Tea ♡

❥ Aspiration Choice:

Angling Ace or

The Curator

❥ Trait Choices (Choose Only 3!):

Green Fiend

Recycle Disciple

Lazy

Loves Outdoors

Genius

❥ Career Choices:

Culinary or

Conservationist

❥ Life Goals:

Complete the Fish Collection and/or

Complete the Mineral Collection

Max your Career!

(If you want one) Find your Spouse in Granite Falls or Henford-on-Bagley

Make your Neighbourhood Eco Footprint Green!

Complete your Aspiration!

♡ Generation Three - White Tea ♡

❥ Aspiration Choice:

Master Chef or

Master Mixologist

❥ Trait Choices (Choose only 3!):

Foodie

Slob

Clumsy

Neat

Lactose Intolerant

❥ Career Choices:

Culinary (any branch)

❥ Life Goals:

Max Cooking Skill and/or

Max Mixologist Skill

Max Gourmet Cooking Skill

Purchase the 'Forever Full' Reward Trait

(Optional) Start your own Restaurant!

Complete your Aspiration!

♡ Generation Four - Pu Ehr Tea ♡

❥ Aspiration Choice:

Extreme Sports Enthusiast or

Archaeology Scholar

❥ Trait Choices (Choose only 3!):

Active

Adventurous

Loves Outdoors

Squeamish

Self-Absorbed

❥ Career Choices:

Military or

Athlete

❥ Life Goals:

Propose at the top of Mt. Komorebi and/or

Explore the Jungle at least 3 times in your lifetime

Have a child complete an Active aspiration

Max out Archaeology Skill and/or

Max out Rock Climbing Skill

Buy the Reward Trait 'Brave'

Complete your Aspiration!

♡ Generation Five - Yellow Tea ♡

❥ Aspiration Choice:

Academic or

Computer Whiz

❥ Optional Challenges:

Complete the teenage aspiration Live Fast or Goal-Oriented

❥ Trait Choices (Choose only 3!):

Overachiever

Socially Awkward

Mean

Creative

Outgoing

Party Animal

❥ Career Choices:

Free Space! You may choose this one.

❥ Life Goals:

Graduate from University with an A or higher as your final GPA

Meet your soulmate at University!

Raise a child with the traits Top-Notch Infant & Top Notch Toddler as well as have that child complete a childhood aspiration.

Purchase the 'Mentor' Reward Trait

Complete the Fossil collection

Complete the Elements collection

Complete your Aspiration!

♡ Generation Six - Oolong Tea ♡

❥ Aspiration Choice:

World-Famous Celebrity or

Master Actor/Actress

❥ Trait Choices (Choose only 3!):

Kleptomaniac

Self-Absorbed

High Maintenance

Music Lover

Good

Outgoing

❥ Career Choices:

Actor/Actress

❥ Life Goals:

Become a Proper Celebrity before the Adult Life Stage

Have either a Great or Awful Reputation before the Adult Life Stage

Become Enemies with 2 or more sims

Max out your Career

Win 3 Awards

Max out your Singing Skill

Max out your Dancing Skill

Complete your Aspiration!

♡ Generation Seven - Herbal Tea ♡

❥ Aspiration Choice:

Freelance Botanist or

Outdoor Enthusiast

❥ Trait Choices (Choose only 3!):

Loves Outdoors

Freegan

Squeamish

Loyal

Maker

Genius

❥ Career Choices:

Gardener or

Civil Designer

❥ Life Goals:

Max out the Gardening Skill

Max out the Herbalism Skill

Purchase the 'Super Green Thumb' Reward Trait

Make one of each Herbal Remedy

Complete the Insect Collection

Max out your Career

Complete your Aspiration!

♡ Generation Eight - Floral Tea ♡

❥ Aspiration Choice:

The Curator or

Country Caretaker

❥ Trait Choices (Choose only 3!):

Foodie

Art Lover

Animal Enthusiast

Hot Headed

Adventurous

Clumsy

❥ Career Choices:

Gardener (the career path you didnt choose this time) or

Unemployed

❥ Life Goals:

Max out the Flower Arranging Skill

Save a sim from the Grim Reaper with a Death Flower

Purchase the 'Forever Fresh' Reward Trait

Be Good Friends with at least 5 of your Farm Animals

Max out Knitting skill

Knit 10 articles of clothing for your sims and/or animals

Max out your Aspiration!

♡ Generation Nine - Rooibos Tea ♡

❥ Aspiration Choice:

Nerd Brain or

Master Maker

❥ Trait Choices (Choose only 3!):

Maker

Green Fiend

Materialistic

Geek

Romantic

Unflirty

❥ Career Choice:

Engineer

❥ Life Goals:

Max out Robotics Skill

Max out Fabrication Skill

Build a Servo Bot

Finish the Metals Collection

Max out our Career

Complete your aspiration!

Thank you so much for taking the time with reading this post! I hope you enjoy the challenge, even if its just for the storytelling part! This is my first time making any challenge so I'm sorry if the challenges are underwhelming, but I hope that it won't be too easy! I'm not sure if this is actually doable because I am garbage at actually doing legacy challenges- Have a great day friends~

[guns-blazing]

Chujin as Kindness propaganda

assigning any character from any media undertale soul traits makes me hmm and haww. boiling down their complexities to one of seven categories is not an easy thing to do. i struggle to decide where to fit any character!

any character besides chujin.

chujin ketsukane of undertale yellow embodies the soul trait of kindness and i am sure.

only two characters in the game are ever referred to as kind: the first is clover, a lot, and the second is chujin, a LOT. like, "it's got to be deliberate" amount of times. none of the other characters get an adjective thats also a soul trait hammered in like this! uh. except clover i guess.

i really want to focus in on that last one, because that isn't just a casual descriptor like the other three, that is martlet describing chujin's entire philosophy. kindness. in small ways, in teaching and donating, he always tried to be kind.

i think him straying from this is what leads to his downfall. chujin tried and tried to work on something greater, more violent, whether hurting humans through the AXIS project or hurting humans through making boss monsters. these weren't small acts of kindness! these were giant acts of planning to go to war against an entire race! he doesn't get a job, rather he just works himself to death on the serum while his wife works a terrible customer service job to support their family. like, everyone outside the steamworks LOVED chujin! could he really not find somewhere he could pick up another job if they were struggling that bad?

but even while he's working himself to death... he's teaching martlet to woodwork. he's donating that heater to honeydew resort. the terrible crimes he's trying and failing* to achieve are contrasted by him being kind to every monster he meets. even STARLO calls him kind! chujin hates everything starlo stands for and starlo can still look in ceroba's eyes and tell her that her late husband embodied kindness above all else!

*"oh you put an asterisk by failing? is that because its an aside?" NO it is a MAIN POINT im TRANSITIONING WEIRDLY. look at how talented chujin is. he built an enormous mansion and everything inside. he has a ton of thesis papers. he programmed a video game solely for his daughter. he is incredibly, insanely talented. and then he tries to build a killer robot and it takes him 14 tries to make one that doesn't catch fire while all the other steamworks bots are on model 01 or 02 and he spends 3+ years trying to conceive of a "boss monster serum" (something he made up completely) which ultimately fails and probably speeds up his death. this is because. chujin is just really bad at anything that isn't an act of kindness.

no matter how hard he tried, the only success he had in anything besides kindness was killing a single human that wasn't even a threat to his daughter by the time axis got to them. ON ACCIDENT. mr ketsukane is trying sooooo hard but despite everything he is so so bad at violence.

chujin isn't what you normally think of when you picture a kind person. he's bigoted, prideful- god, i didn't even mention his pride but i could go on-, secretive... but that doesn't change the fact that when his friends and family and acquaintances all call him "kind," they are telling the truth.

(bonus: i think red soul = determination = ceroba is really implied in uty. which ma,kes it all the more relevant that! what color is chujin always always always coded as! Thats right! CHUJIN! IS!

GREEEEEN!!!!!

) <- i realized i opened a parentheses without closing it sorry guys

WHAT UNDERTALE HUMAN SOUL WOULD THEY HAVE?

[mistystarshine]

i think the after china au would be more interesting. it seems like there'd have to be so much changing around with the characters and their core traits in order for the role-swap to work, and im a fan of the idea of soul-sick angel not just abandoning his weird vampire family

I'm sorry that this is so late! I had to wait for muse to strike. (Muse struck after I finished a tour if Stonehenge for study abroad and was waiting for my classmates to finish.) At long last, here are my rough thoughts for how this au would go! 

It starts during the Boxer Rebellion. Well, no. It started the second Angelus got his soul back, but it changes during the Boxer Rebellion. In the direct cause-and-effect sense, everything happens because the baby incident doesn't, thus allowing Angelus to linger with the others for a little while longer. On an emotional level, it all happens because, in the midst of his guilt and despair and desperate attempts to repress them, Angelus feels a sense of responsibility. Where he once looked at Drusilla and felt pride, there is now a stabbing guilt that gets harder to ignore with each passing day. Then there is Spike. Spike, now a proven slayer killer who Angelus had beaten the goodness out of in an attempt to turn into something like himself. 

As time drags on and he dodges killing and Darla grows more suspicious, aggressive, desperate for him to return to his former self, he knows that he cannot stay. It is that sense of responsibility that stops him from having one last fight with Darla and mournfully disappearing into the night. What will happen to Spike and Drusilla if he leaves? With that slayer's death, they have gone from two of the worst things he's ever done to a genuine threat to the world. They are doomed to get worse if he leaves them to continue down the path he set them on. But because they are two of his greatest victims (and there are and will be times when he struggles to acknowledge Spike as a victim, but in this moment, it is clear), he can't bring himself to kill them. So where does that leave him? 

When Angelus decides to ask Spike and Drusilla to come with him, he isn't very hopeful. Maybe they respected and feared him before, but they must have sensed the change in him, even as he drowned in denial and struggled to repress it. They won't abandon Darla for him. 

Except… They do. He doesn't understand it, but they do. 

(There really isn't much to understand. Drusilla adores him. She's scared by the soul and the prospect of him becoming something other than the monster that made her, the monster she knows, but she's even more scared of him leaving her completely. And Spike? Spike always looked to Angelus before Darla. She's family, yeah, but after Drusilla, his true loyalty has always been to him. He's starting to see through the cracks in his facade and is irritated that Angelus would break like that, but he isn't going to abandon him when he very clearly needs him.)

In other circumstances, Angelus would have separated from the Fanged Four and broken down completely. He would have retreated to the sewers and lived a miserable existence until the powers that be sent a messenger to him with a mission. That isn't an option here. He can't keep pretending that everything's fine and he's the same anymore, but has to at least try to hold himself together for Spike and Drusilla. Especially if he wants them to try to undo even an iota of the damage that he's done. So he does. He tries. 

Trying isn't always enough. The fact of the matter is that Angelus is still fairly freshly ensouled and not in a good state. Even if cutting Spike and Drusilla off from killing cold turkey weren't a hopeless battle, he doesn't have the energy right now. So he starts small, he tells them that he isn't willing to kill anymore and refuses the victims that Spike tries to drag to him. This results in arguments with Spike and miserable wailing from Drusilla, but eventually, they accept it. 

(When Angelus starts dropping hints that they shouldn't be killing either, Spike ignores them. He hears them though. Hears them and doesn't have any fucking clue how to process it outside of anger and insult, both of which he pushes down because Angelus clearly isn't right right now. But come on, really? Spike is a killer, and Angelus is the one who molded him into one. What right does he have to ask him to go back to being the miserable little poet he once was? How dare he even consider asking that of Dru, who may not be capable of such a change even if she tried with every fiber of her beautiful being, so mistakenly desperate to please him? Spike really might rip his head off if he weren't such a miserable sod.)

Angelus is a heavy name, a dark name, a name stained with blood. He told himself that it still fit him when he was still with Darla. It doesn't. It hurts a little more every time he hears it. Eventually, he tells Spike and Drusilla to call him Angel. Both of them resist at first, Drusilla heartbroken, Spike with anger and mockery. Both of them give in eventually. 

(This is when Spike, tired and resigned beneath his fire, realizes that this isn't temporary. Angelus - Angel - is different now, and he isn't ever going back. Drusilla already knew. She still sobs into his chest all day when Angel changes his name.)

(Angel is still barely more than a shell of his former self, holding onto his sanity by threads. Part of Spike, the part that resents the madness that he drove Drusilla into and everything that he did to him, finds it vindicating. The rest of him just wants it to stop. Angel isn't Drusilla, of course - he won't move mountains and swim across oceans for him like he would her. But he does acknowledge that Angel gets worse every time he finds out about him or Dru killing someone. Now, Spike isn't about to reform for the bastard, but he does improvise a bit. He gets more selective about who he kills, going for the people that society would be better off without, and coaxes Dru to do the same. He makes sure that Angel knows about it, but doesn't say that it's for him, because it isn't. It isn't. Spike's life is easier when his grandsire isn't totally consumed by self-pity or loathing or whatever else fuels his brooding. This is totally self-serving.)

The change in Spike and Drusilla's hunting habits isn't what leads Angel to the realization, nor is it one of any number of small gestures over the next few years. It just hits him out of the blue one day, when he's feeling… Not like his old self (never like his old self), but more clarity than usual. Spike is trying to look out for him. He's not treating him like Drusilla, no, but he has been slipping into the role of caretaker for him as well. And Angel's been letting it happen. His pride has taken more than a few beatings by this point, but this is when he realizes that he needs to pull himself together and start trying harder. Soul or no soul, he'll be damned if he's going to rescind his leadership and leave Spike in charge. 

It goes… dubiously. Despite his initial indignation and outrage, Angel recognizes that Spike and Drusilla have been making some degree of progress, so he doesn't push too hard. Spike doesn't like that. He quite likes the changed dynamics they'd been falling into. (Kind of. He'd be happy if Angel wasn't stewing constantly, but now that he's had a taste of what it's like not to have Angelus breathing down his neck, he doesn't want to go back. And he doesn't completely trust that Angel won't go back.) The conflict comes to a head when Angel insists that Spike and Drusilla stop hunting humans completely. While Spike eventually relents, he also makes it clear that he won't be giving another inch. And that… is that. It's all Angel can manage, truly. He may have been able to push himself to improve somewhat, but he still has notable bad days. Spike doesn't.

(Spike knows that. More importantly, he knows that Angelus never would have outright told him to stop killing humans unless it was some sort of sadistic power play. This certainly wasn't. It's part of the reason he agrees, the reassurance that even if Angel is being a pest again, he isn't going back. Which is kind of alarming. He remembers how upset he was when he realized that Angel would never be Angelus again and doesn't know when he stopped wishing they could go back, but he stopped. It almost makes him think deeper about why he was willing to stop killing. Then he decides not to think very deeply about it at all.)

(Getting Drusilla to stop killing is easier than anticipated. She knew that it was coming. The boys forget how much she knows. It might have hurt if it was harsh or sharp or sudden, but it wasn't. It was soft and gentle and subtle, from all people to bad people to no people at all. Or close to it. She slips up sometimes, when the song is too strong and the heartbeats call and she forgets that what will be has come to cross, but it isn't often. Spike helps her make sure that Angel doesn't know, that it doesn't break him into bits, and gradually, she gets better at remembering.) 

It isn't easy; it was never going to be easy. But they manage. Eventually, Angel and Spike slip into something along the lines of a partnership. It's new and unusual for both of them, but possibly the only way to make this work. Spike learns not to make a fuss about it when Angel's composure slips and he has to take charge for a few days. Angel learns to accept that it happens at all. 

Time passes. Every day is bad in some way, but gradually, painfully, Angel's worst days grow to be less. And Spike… Spike grows more restless. 

They hear word of a slayer in New York. Spike becomes interested, the same look of obsession that appeared when he first learned about them. Drusilla declares that their fates are bound. And Angel is terrified that everything is about to be for nothing.

Angel suggests that Spike could try helping the slayer. He's clearly been itching for a fight - surely trying to help the chosen one would be as much of a challenge as killing her. He sounds casual when he suggests it. Truthfully, he's desperate, terrified, and not thinking straight at all. There are a million reasons why Spike approaching the slayer as an ally are a horrible idea, but they don't occur to him until Spike has already started considering it. So he backtracks. He offers alternatives while Drusilla laughs. It doesn't matter - Spike knows what he wants to do now, and he's going to do it even if it gets him killed. 

(Spike doesn't know what he wants to do. He's gone years without killing, but he's still considering challenging the slayer to a death match when he sets off for New York. Then he meets Nikki Wood and finds someone who he wouldn't mind fighting alongside. He also sees that Angel is right. A slayer has danger coming at her from every angle, which means it'll be the fight of his life. It takes a while to convince her, but eventually, he finds himself with a fighting partner. He still visits Angel and Dru regularly and tries not to think too heavily about the implications of him leaving them alone for long periods of time. That he trusts Angel to at least try to look after her properly. That he trusts him not to steal her.)

Angel is worried about Spike, he can't even pretend that he's not. But he also can't bring himself to face the slayer. Her watcher might very well identify him, and… it's not the fight he fears. He hasn't seriously considered suicide in a while now, but if the slayer killed him, he know he'd deserve it. It's the explanation. It's the notion of finding himself face to face with this force for good and contend with his own existence. Perhaps it's cowardly, but when faced with this prospect, he ends up keeping his distance. Instead, he spends the time when Spike is away focused on Drusilla. He tries to improve her mental health. He fails; of course he fails. It's why he turned her when he did. Vampires are static creatures in a way that humans are not. When he turned her while caught in the throes of madness, he trapped her there for the rest of her undead life. Where a human might be able to heal, she is simply stuck. He tries anyway, beating herself against the unyielding wall. 

(Angel does better than he thinks he does. Drusilla's head still spins with fairies and pixies and fear and confusion and always - probably - maybe? - will, but it helps that he's there at all. He doesn't see what Drusilla sees. Doesn't know that this is the beginning of the end for her and William, doesn't know that he's started down a road that leads to summer and light. She doesn't want to lose him. It hurts. It would hurt more without Angel there. So even as he tortures himself trying to fix what he did such a perfect job of breaking, Drusilla tries to be good. Doesn't fuss, doesn't make a mess, doesn't tell him that he couldn't have completely destroyed her heart, because she can feel it break-break-breaking.)

One day, Spike returns with a black leather duster on his back and tells them that Nikki Wood is dead. Angel would ask if he killed her, but the despair wafting off him stops the words from leaving his mouth. For the first time, he allows himself to truly believe that one of the monsters he created might not truly be beyond repair. He wishes that it hadn't come at quite a cost. 

It's over a year before Spike tells him what happened. It happens out of the blue, on a night where Drusilla is quiet and Angel is drifting somewhere between almost alright and certainly not. He says that Nikki had been possessed by a demon with aspirations of ending the world. Try as they might, they weren't able to get it out of her. In the end, Spike ended up killing her himself. Spike looks Angel in the eyes, challenging, and asks if he's going to kill him now that he has a second slayer under his belt. Angel only apologizes. 

(What Spike doesn't stay is that he'd wanted to stay. He had gotten to know Nikki's son while he worked with her and grew to care for him deeply. With her gone, he'd wanted to help care for him. Her watcher turned him away, saying that for all he had been a valuable ally, Robin could not be trusted with a vampire.)

Spike declares that he never wants to get anywhere near a slayer again. Angel accepts it with relief. 

And then Sunnydale happens.

So! There are chunks that can be expanded upon and there's definitely more that comes after this, so if anyone's interested, let me know and I could be persuaded to continue. Here's where I note that there probably would be Bangel during the time frame of seasons 1-3, but would also probably end up being Spuffy and Cangel in the end. 

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Oh my gosh so I also headcannon Jack as autistic! But im not comfortable with writing it yet because idk how. Im not autistic; my little sister is and i know a few things jack could have trouble with... but hes a grown ass man so i just dont know. Im definitely taking notes on what you write him as but could you give me some pointers?....maybe?

Im mostly referencing to Bitter with this

aaaa yeah it definitely presents differently in adults who've learned to mask, personally I don't plan to put certain things in specifically to talk about how he's autistic, I write with the background knowledge of what traits he displays, and then express them when relevant, it's relevant a lot with Jack simply due to how much it affects his life

now this is going to get long, so bare with me, because this is a whole lot more complicated than you might expect

there's really no one correct way to write Jack, since there's no one way that autism presents itself, the way I write him is based on a mix of myself and some people in my family, so I can give you a basic idea of what angle I personally come from

for one, I change the way I write about facial expressions and how emotions come across to Jack, in Jazz's chapters I'll write about the exact emotion she can see on their face, with Jack's I'll go with an obvious base emotion, but then if the person is expressing something more complicated, I'll describe their face in physical details

eg;

Jazz POV - Danny was upset, but his face was tight with frustration

Jack POV - Danny looked sad, but his eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was set in a hard line

it's a subtle difference but it's one I try to maintain throughout Bitter, Jack's POV is based on how I have trouble reading non-obvious expressions, although in my case I also have trouble looking people in the face when I talk to them, that's harder to write in an emotion driven POV story, so I made Jack better at that than I am

his interest in machines is quite obvious, since he's an inventor, and he looooves infodumping on people, he gets very excited about his passions very quickly and his mouth runs off with him, something I also have trouble with, it hasn't been a prominent trait for Jack in Bitter, because he's so out of his element he's mostly confused and in a way, almost grieving his own death, so he's been far quieter than he usually is

his special interest is obviously ghosts and machinery, and in Bitter I cover that he's got a degree in engineering, physics and mathematics. He's good at them, I like to look at it as though Jack rolled high in intelligence and low in wisdom, he's book smart, he knows things that are straightforward and have firm rules, he's less comfortable in topics that are more wishy washy and vague, biology is complicated and has too many variables, he finds it difficult to grasp, there's no one standard rule that applies to every body

I also struggle with vague and unclear directions, I need a solid structure and clear instructions, my strength is in sorting, organising, alphabetising and colour coding, I like things to Look Right, I stick to a particular routine with very specific things, and it's viscerally uncomfortable and even distressing for me to have that order disturbed, I nearly had a meltdown at work because someone had done a part of my job incorrectly, and I had to fix it, it made me genuinely upset on a personal level, it was MY system, NOBODY should be touching it, NOBODY should be moving things around, they do anyway, and I spend a portion of my shifts just frustrated and on edge because of it

Jack also has issues socially, he often says or does things that other people find uncomfortable or embarrassing, I reference that in Bitter, where Jack assumes everyone is mad at him because he said or did something stupid, this I have much experience in, while in the middle of a social situation it's easy to just do what comes naturally to you and not realise it's off putting to other people, because people often play polite and you can't tell that they're uncomfortable, even though people around you find it painfully obvious

sometimes it's easy to see in hindsight after you've been told you made something awkward or uncomfortable, but in the moment if nobody says anything about it, you can remain either totally oblivious, or become anxious and second guess every interaction you have

Jack is the oblivious type, he's fortunate to live in a family that is fairly understanding, they might get frustrated with him, or embarrassed by him, but they don't really take it personally, they KNOW he means well, they know he cares, and Jack does care, he cares a lot, he feels things a lot, he's incredibly empathetic

this is a trait that a lot of media likes to ignore in depictions of autism, because I guess it makes people with autism seem 'too normal', when tv shows always want to be like 'hey wow look at this clever asshole! isn't he clever, but also an asshole! but you can't hate him because he's ✨autistic✨ and he can't help it'

that bothers me a lot, I mean some people with autism do have trouble relating and empathising with people, my brother is one of them, but some people with autism really empathise a lot, some of us feel things very strongly, I'm highly empathetic and it's a real struggle to cope with

so yeah, it is a very complicated thing, so you need to go in with an idea of what their character struggles with, how it affects them, and when it's relevant in the story, also autism falls on a very wide spectrum, some people, like myself, are able to mask well, but that creates a big issue with identity, when you start to wonder how much of you is real and how much of you is mask, then you have to decide if you want to lower that mask and accept the social consequences of expressing yourself naturally

I have a friend who presents a little more obviously, he's very rigid in his ways and he talks like he's reading from a script, I have another friend who can socialise just fine, but will go into a total meltdown when a plan gets derailed and she doesn't know what to do next

another friend I have is highly social and incredibly boisterous, she stims with her whole body, dances around a lot, she's chaotic and that can be off-putting to people, she's had to spend a lot of her life holding that back, she's only recently started learning how to be herself shamelessly

my brother was incredibly social when he was younger, and people always really loved him, but most of that is mask, he's socially anxious and just wants to be alone most of the time, and he's a total prick to his immediate family, I don't take that personally any more, since now I understand that he's so blunt and brutally honest because he isn't masking with us, but also he still needs to be called out when he oversteps, autism might be why he has difficulty empathising, but it's not an excuse to be a complete asshole, even people with autism need to be called out on shitty behaviour, it isn't a get out of jail free card, our self expression shouldn't come at the cost of hurting other people, most of us are more than capable of learning to not be an asshole

I know this is like, A LOT, but these are the things that need to be considered when writing about autism, it is an all encompassing thing that permeates your entire life experience, I absolutely welcome people like you to try to write about it! Because I think it shouldn't be a taboo subject, and I appreciate that you asked for advice and that you want to do it respectfully, you've probably seen first hand how difficult living with autism can be, having a family member on the spectrum, so you already have some experience to draw from, I don't know your relationship with your sister or how old she is, or where on the spectrum she falls, but if possible you can ask her about her experiences in particular situations that you're having trouble writing, if that's something you and she are comfortable with

I hope this helps, just remember to keep an open mind and listen to any feedback you might get, it is very VERY easy to misrepresent autism so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't quite get it right, if someone gives you a critique, take it in stride and use it to become better ~ you can even express that in an authors note, that you want to write it accurately and invite anyone with experience to share their opinion, because like I said, it is different for everyone and my experiences are not universal, and you're welcome to run something by me every once in a while if you aren't sure about it ❤️

[littlx-songbxrd]

Chain of Iron:Death theory

As the awaited release date for Chain of Iron approaches and the fandom decends into pure madness, I want to put in my last two cents of overthinking before I stop having coherent thoughts

So we all know this is a second book, and second books bring the absolute pain in the shadowhunter chronicles. There is likely going to be a death from the mains considering the theme of this book, and I am here to throw my theory and reasons as to who I think it might be. Im here to sadly theorize about why I think Christopher Lightwood might not make it past the last hours

1. Tatianas revenge

Right now, Tatiana wants revenge after all our main families: the carstairs, herondales, fairchilds and both branches of the lightwoods. For the lightwood-collins theres barbaras death. For the herondales her daughter has been manipulating their son for over 6 years. Theres a theory that the fairy poison Mathew bought that caused Charlottes misscarriage could be traced back to her. And there are other theories that Elias dissaperance between chog and choi could have something to do with Belial. As of right now the only family who is yet to recieve any permanent damage or tragedy are the lightwood-herondales. Which is really ironic considering its the only family that has two bloodlines Tatiana wants to harm. Not only that, but theyre also the children of who Tatiana blames directly for her fathers death, Gabriel. It seems fishy to me there hasn't been any permanent damage in their family, and I dont think that is gonna last for long

2. The family tree

The family tree states that Grace Cartwright (Aka Grace Blackthorn) marries Christopher Lightwood and theyre the ones who continue the line that leads to Alec and Isabelle. Now Cassandra has said varius times the family tree can be misleading, and I am a firm believer this is one of the misleading ends. Why this lie was created, I'm not sure, but lets analize some things. As of right now there are 5 lightwood children. At least 3 of them can pass down the lightwood name. Of those three, if we take into account that Thomas may not have kids due to being gay, that still leaves two branches of lightwood kids that may continue on. As of present time we only have word of one line, Alec and Isabelles. And Robert isnt said to have any cousins, theres no mention in the future of another lightwood line. So the idea that both Alexander and Christopher have kids is pretty unbelivable considering theres only one lightwood line in the future. Unless Alexander goes on to have only girls and Christopher has only one boy, it seems more likely the family tree is wrong. Isabelle and Alec are confirmed as of the bane chronicles to be decendants of Gabriel lightwood (Isabelle makes a reference to looking up her great great grandfather Gabriel Lightwood and telling magnus he was hot in the last story of the book)

So its already confirmed they're a) the last decendants of the lightwood line and b) that line stems from Gabriel. If we based ourselves solely on the family tree and Christopher being the one carrying the line, that would have been believable enough not to raise any red flags. Christopher IS the son of Grabriel Lightwood, able bodied and seems to have a general attraction to women (I mean, we all know hes aro/ace but lets stick with canon). There isnt anything pointing to him not being able to marry and have kids. Where the red flags raise for me is with Alexander

Alexander wasnt in the original plans for the family tree, he was added when Cassie started writting the last hours. If you take into account his role in chog, there really was no reason to add Alexander Lightwood. He doesnt seem to do anything, hes a 3 year old kid, you can very well delete him from the narrative and nothing would change. So why did Cassandra add him?? Why did she decide to make Cecily and Gabriel have another kid ?

To me, it seems a lot like the baby carstairs situation . The family tree says Alastair carries the carstairs line, Alastair is a gay man so he cant have biological kids, theres another unplaned baby to carry the line. It seems to me Christopher carrying the lightwood line is a lie, and Alexanders role is to carry it in his place. I even found a little info from an ask wayy before chain of gold came out where it said Alexander had green eyes, but in the book she changed it to blue eyes. The exact same shade the modern day lightwoods seem to have. A trait hes more likely to pass down than his lavender eyed brother who supposedly "marries" grey eyed grace

3. Character Arc

Characters in literature need goals, things to work for or work towards through the story in order for them to develop. We call those things character arcs, and it seems we have all ignored how christophers may have indirectly ended. If you read his short story, or just overall analize his character, his main goal is simple. He wants to create something that will help the nephlim through science. His personal character arc is that he wants to prove himself and his skill to the clave using his passion to be a hero.

An arc that could have been expanded all through the series, and ended with him using his skills in the end to defeat belial in some way, proving his passions worth. Through the story we could have had a glimpse at his struggles, how he was put down, the failed attempts, fustrations etc. This all could have rounded christopher as a character, and brought more satisfaction to the end goal of his arc which is proving the value of his science. But instead, his arc in book seemingly already ended? Because he did it, he figured out a way to combine science with his duty and saved the entire enclave from the demon poison. He is now acclaimed a hero for his skills. All the other characters have things to finish going into chain of iron, Christopher doesnt. Why would she end an arc that could have taken through the entire series in just one book? Christopher is the only secondary character with a defined personality and a lack of arc to look foward too in following books. This could all point that his arc was rushed because it was being cut short

4. Lightwood blood

There has been a lot of theories going around about Thomas being the one who gets killed in this book, which is resonable considering the unerving amount of forehsadowing we've had to him getting himself caught up in something. But I raise you this, why would CC be giving us so much assurance that Thomas was going to get hurt if she was going to kill him? Not only would she be reaveling one of her most devastating murders, she would basically be spoiling a very big part of her own book. Thomas death would affect everyone, if she WERE to kill him she wouldnt be indulging us in our Thomas death theory as much as she has. Itd be too expectable, I actually believe that by giving us all the info she has she has more or less confirmed he wont die.

I believe this is all a decoy. Shes giving us foreshadowing towards something bad happening to Thomas, to cover up the very big reality shes planning to kill someone else. Theres a very big chance that for the resurection, theyre gonna need Jesses families blood. Same way Malcom needed blackthorn blood to raise Annabel. As of rightnow there arent any blackthorns (by blood) left alive, the only blood relatives Jesse still had are the lightwoods. So we already know Thomas gets captured by the murderer (referenece to the art), but it is most likely he gets rescued. People speculate he most likely got captured for the resurection Tatianas trying to do, because of his lightwood blood. But if Thomas escapes, Tatiana still needs her families blood. And I'd like to point out this is also where the fact she hasnt taken permanent revenge on the lightwood-herondales would come in. Theres a good chance that if the murders are releated to her, and she cant have Thomas, she wont stop at just Thomas.

5. Story relevance

In all sense of story, Christopher is the perfect candidate to kill. As hard as that is to say: he's a secondary character, who has a well defined personality, loved enough by the fans that there would certainly be a shock factor following his death, important enough to the story that there would be a big impact to the narrative, and interwined enough with the main characters to cause emotional distress in the story. His arc is indirectly done, this author has a history of killing lightwoods, there isnt much to discourage the possibility he might be killed besides the faulty family tree. And as I said, that tree has been stated multiple times to be misleading

Bonus prove

6. Christophers cut-out

Same way were analizing the hell out of a broken spear, why are we not talking about the skull on christophers?

(Sorry couldnt get better quality pics)

The truth is, I hate this theory as much as everyone, Im genuinly hoping chain of iron proves me wrong. But there are 5 deaths comming, and not all of them can be side characters. Cordelia Lucie and James all have main character protection. I already explained why Thomas dying is unlikely. Anna, Ariadne and Alastair have gay protection (and I think some asks about Alastair dying were pretty much answered with a discreet no)

If there are mains dying, Christophers the most likely to go

[5-falsehoods-phonated]

(Prompts with boxes have been taken, highlighted have been written)

Requests for this card are closed, thank you to anyone who sent in requests! If you don’t want to see these you can block the tag #false bthb. As always shoot me an ask if you wanna be tagged in future stories, whether it be for bad things happen bingo or any of the other series, one shots or in general!

I’ve been picking at this particular request since early December as the person who requested it had a lot of details they wanted put in making the writing process a bit more challenging. As a disclaimer, note that the chapter is split between present time and the past; with Logan recalling things in his past in an attempt to make the details requested for the story flow better. I received this request from AO3.

General taglist: @im-an-anxious-wreck

Experimental Socialization

Summary: Logan was raised by the government to be nothing more than an experiment and a weapon, utilizing his unique abilities as a mutant. When he finally escapes things are much different than he imagined they’d be but thankfully finds others like him willing to help guide him right where he needs to be.(Happy Ending)

Warnings: allusions to abuse, physical punishment and human experimentation, tw for weapons and fire, panic attack. If there are more please let me know

Prompt; Not Used To Freedom (requested by AngstyEmoGal on AO3)

Ships: Intrulogical, Logan x Remus

WC: 3432

“You just gotta breathe, Logan. In four, hold seven, out eight remember? You’re doing great, just keep going.”

Logan felt himself slowly coming back to reality as his breathing evening out, the raw panic that had gripped his chest easing slightly as Virgili continued coaxing him through the exercise. He felt the other slowly rub up and down his arm in a slow, steady beat that helped ground him further in reality and he smiled up at his friend gratefully and nodded to let xem know he was okay. Gripping his knees as Virgil’s voice trailed off he squeezed his eyes shut tightly and let out one last calming breath.

“Thank you, Virgil. I-” He struggled to find words, gesturing flippantly in the air making Virgil grin.

“It’s okay. Take your time, L.”

Logan puffed his cheeks out in frustration, thoughts swirling too quickly for him to comprehend anything but the apprehensive fear he held for the plans Remus had made for them later that evening. “I am- not used to being outside. Given my history and the threat I pose as a potential compromise to our place of hiding I fail to understand Remus’ reasoning for going out when we could just as easily celebrate our relationship here.”

“Hm.” Virgil leaned back on xyr hands and looked up at the low ceiling of their underground paradise. “Can’t really see the stars from here, no matter how many stickers Princey finds and puts up it can't really be compared to the real thing.”

Logan had made the mistake of going on a tirade of space facts a few months into his stay in the hideout, Remus patiently listening to the extensive infodump of constellation facts and space physics and planetary rotation. Having a limited amount of books to entertain oneself with for extended periods of time meant memorizing entire books on one subject, which Logan had used all too happily as a figurative escape from his situation in the past until he had actually managed to escape when he was 16. Hearing Logan speak so passionately about the subject had apparently made his mind up that he was taking Logan outside for their first “official” date to view the stars, which had then landed Logan in his current state of panic as he realized that date was today and he was decidedly not ready for what might lay in store outside of safety of the hideout.

“I can stay close by if you want. I won’t spy or anything and Remus won’t have to know.” Logan looked over as his thoughts were interrupted by the offer, Virgil turning invisible and reappearing a couple seconds later to emphasize xyr point. Smiling Logan shook his head, knowing the other derived as much joy from going outside as Logan felt about going himself.

“Thank you for the offer though, you’re very kind.” Letting his thoughts drift again he idly wondered when Virgil had discovered xe could disappear and reappear at will and if xyr parents had tried to hide it before the government had found out. His own parents-

-----

“Logan?” A very small Logan turned at his mother’s voice, losing his concentration which made the hidden jar of Crofters fall from its suspended place in the air and smash to the floor. His parents hadn’t known he possessed any sort of powers, and even as small as he was he still understood the position he’d put them in if they ever found out. Fearfully his hands dropped to his sides as his mother covered her mouth in shock, tears rolling down her cheeks as she took a step back.

Men in suits and long coats were there just a few hours later, speaking in hushed voices while both of his parents cried and he was ushered out the door and into an unmarked car, quiet as he understood yelling and crying would do him no good now. What’s done was done, all he could do was be compliant and hope to be treated gently.

-----

The room suddenly brightening with a flickering light brought him back out of his thoughts, Roman entering with his signature bright flame held proudly in his hand. The image of him in his rather scrapped together Princely outfit posing subconsciously in the doorway was almost enough to make Logan roll his eyes but he didn’t want Virgil to think it was because of xem so he managed to restrain himself.

“My dearest brother has been pacing in the same spot for two hours now and I haven't been able to calm him down soooo I thought to check on our resident nerd.” Roman declared with his usual flare. Logan actually did roll his eyes this time but Virgil did as well so he figured it was fine.

“The ‘resident nerd’ is doing fine, Roman. Though it's concerning to hear Remus is nervous as well considering he’s the one who suggested the date.”

Roman waved his hand at Logan dismissively. “He’s just a sap- moreso than me surprisingly. He doesn’t want to do anything to put you in danger but he wants to do something nice, so he’s worried that’s all. Remus is an idiot but I trust him with my life; believe me when I say you have nothing to worry about except his terrible sense of humor.”

Logan merely hummed in response, staring at the way the flame moved around as Roman gestured with his words.

-----

He panted as he rolled out of the way of another flamethrower, singeing the tips of his hair in the process but he couldn’t afford to slow down enough to worry about that. Years of training with different fighting styles had earned him incredibly fast reflexes but a good portion of his accuracy in knowing where to step and when was owed to him working even harder to focus his powers. Thoughts from others constantly surrounded him on a regular basis, getting more and more prevalent the older he grew. Learning to block out the constant string of stimuli was a useful skill to keep him sane but learning to hone in on specific thoughts to predict actions was what had kept him alive.

He ducked below another bullet and brought up his leg in the same motion, kicking a throwing knife to the side and sending it to clatter harmlessly between one of his assailants feet. A twirl to the side and a tilt of the head let another bought of flame boil the air beside him while another knife just barely brushed his ear. The constant bang of bullets and roar of flames and whistling of knives was overwhelming and made the air so thick he could barely draw a breath and it was becoming a struggle to concentrate the way he needed to and-

A high pitched alarm sounded one, twice, three times- a blaring flash accompanying it that left him blinking painfully. His shoulders slumped as the barrage finally ended, another successful training day completed. He watched as everyone began putting their weapons away, laughing and congratulating each other, clapping themselves on the back and discussing whatever they had planned after this. No one even spared the thing they had been firing at seconds before a spare glance, save for the director of the branch, who took long steps forward to stand in front of him only to snap his fingers and motion forward no doubt to see him back to his room until dinner. Absorbing the sounds around him he drank in as much praise as he could that wasn’t his and would never be for him; people rarely congratulated weapons after all.

-----

“Is this where we all decided to hide today?” Logan looked up to see Patton sitting cross legged on one one of the beams in the ceiling, grinning happily down at them even as their fluffy ears twitched nervously and even fluffier tail whipped back and forth in agitation. They must have come back from trying to calm Remus as well, Logan mused; Patton had never done well being in the same room as Remus who tended to voice his thoughts abruptly and without much care to how they might sound to others which always managed to set Patton on edge no matter how hard they tried not to show it.

Patton was a rare mutant in that as opposed to being born with abnormal traits or abilities they had been a science experiment from the start- an effort to create super soldiers rather than stealing them away from families and training them. Even rarer was the fact that the DNA splicing had taken extraordinarily well by pure chance as Patton was born with a mutation that left their DNA incredibly malleable- a mutation that never would have been discovered had cellular manipulation not been the reason for them being in the experimental branch that they were. They had tried cloning Patton at first to see if their power could be duplicated but when that failed to work they began trying to combine them with different animals to see if desirable traits would come forward. By manipulating them on a physical and anatomical level they were able to change some parts of them to be more cat like, intending, Patton had guessed, to turn them into a kind of stealth soldier but they got away before they completed it, leaving them with heightened agility and surgically coaxed cat ears and a tail. They were only a child when the lab had done this but somehow they were never bitter, simply preferring to leave their past alone and embrace whatever future they could make- a trait Logan greatly admired them for even if their unending optimism could be somewhat grating at times.

“Did Janus brush your tail out Pat? It looks fluffier today.” Patton preened at Virgil's compliment, their tail beginning to wave in a more relaxed manner as their mind was distracted from whatever it was Remus had been ranting about.

“He did! He found a cat brush and got it for me so I could finally get the undercoat out!” Jumping down and landing lightly on their feet they posed a little and flashed another wide grin.

“Beautiful as always, Patton.” Roman said genuinely as he lowered his hand into a barrel to light up the paper scraps and wood in it for the night, the dim sunlight that had filtered through the grated having long since died. The home was a modified branch of a sewer system, thankfully the part most removed from the city where it flowed without the stench and was sealed off inconspicuously enough that in the ten years Janus and Remus had been using it no worker had ever found it.

-----

It had been Janus and Remus who had found him, beaten and bloody from an escape attempt he had made just days before his real one. He had made a weak attempt to coax the scientists into a false sense of security, holding back the full scoop of his powers during training for a year in anticipation for his final escape. He had punished severely but had simply thrown him in his regular cell, assuming he wasn’t strong enough to do any more damage than they had seen him do already and trusting that they had beaten him down enough that it would be a while before he tried again- if he ever did. Not six days later the mangled metal of the front of his cell was tossed into a group of guards, walls torn apart in a straight line to the exit and the huge buzzing gates leading to the outside world thrown open wide and stuck there with varying amounts of heavy debris.

The outside world, as it turns out, was a lot bigger and louder and downright terrifying when you weren’t being sent out as a personal assassin or field missions or training sessions- all controlled on some level to keep him from being killed and compromised. Without the begrudged protection from the labs and moreover having to hide from said lab was another story entirely. The times they searched for him and how closely they came to his spots were random and made it incredibly hard for him to pick out their thoughts from anyone else’s in the city and figure out how close they were. On more than one occasion they passed right by him crouched under piles of garbage or laying low under a hedge, his breath held as he tried desperately to keep himself as still and quiet as possible, thoughts of what they would to him once they found him pounding against his head and making him squeeze his eyes shut to keep his terrified tears from falling.

That was how Remus had found him. It had been dark and hours had passed since the searchers had left that park he had been hiding in. He had still been hiccuping down his sobs as he rolled out from under the hedge that he hadn’t bothered to scope the area for anyone’s close by thoughts, having shut out as much as he could after they had left to try and block out any other hate fueled thoughts that may send him spiraling again. His heart had leapt in his throat so high his breath caught painfully, immediately shifting to offense as he tensed, ready to fight as long and hard as he could. He couldn’t go back- he wouldn’t. No matter what they did or promised him or punished him with; he’d go down fighting or not at all.

But Remus had only raised his hands in the air in a motion of peace, eyes widening as he locked onto the government issued bracelet that marked him as an experimental mutant. He had grinned impossibly wide then Logan remembered, briefly disappearing from his sight and reappearing a moment later, setting him even more on edge but curious nonetheless.

“I’m like you.” Remus had said quietly. “Basically I run real fast and the government hasn’t figured out how to get me yet.”

Logan had watched as he jiggled his wrists a bit for emphasis, bare save for colored chords that he assumed didn’t associate him with any government branch since they didn’t look official.

“Are you okay?” Remus had asked next and mutely Logan nodded, unsure of how to react to this fellow mutant who had never been caught by any sort of lab, apparently living as free as one could when you were as different as they were. He stepped back as another man appeared behind him, Janus he later learned.

“Liar.” Janus had hissed, making Remus reach around and smack the back of his head.

“It was a polite thing to ask that he tried to dismiss Jan. Let the adults speak for a second.”

Logan had noted the faint pout on Janus’ face though he was still trying very hard to look intimidating. And then all at once his eyes had turned cold as his attention was once again focused on Logan, glaring menacingly from beneath a black bowler hat. “I’m younger than you and yet I’m the one that has to put my foot down. He’s being chased clearly; we are not bringing him back with us.”

Remus has turned, Logan seemingly forgotten for the moment. “That’s not how it works! He needs help and we’re not leaving him to starve or be found in the middle of a park! What would Patton say?”

“Patton is a soft fool who needs to figure out where their morals stand. I myself am choosing not to compromise our place of hiding and three other people that you know those power hungry idiots would love nothing more than to get their hands on!”

Remus rolled his eyes so hard his head had lolled with it, face going pale as he watched something in the sky. It was then that Logan heard the telling sound of a helicopter flying low and getting closer but he had barely tensed before he found himself gripped around the middle and held vertically with the ground flying underneath him. They stopped abruptly and he was set down, blinking in rapid confusion as Remus grinned sheepishly at him.

“Welcome to the hideout?”

Logan’s eyes had widened and his breath had caught yet again, chest tightening as he shook his head vehemently. “You can’t- I need to go back! They’ll do anything to get me back-!”

He was stopped from going forward with a finger to his chest, his blue eyes locking with beautiful brown as Remus held his gaze. “And we will do everything to keep you safe.”

Safe. With that one word Logan was his. He hadn’t known why and he still didn’t quite understand it but he had trusted Remus with everything he had- and he still did. Even as Janus had stalked off grumbling and Virgil and Roman had kept their distance at first Remus had kept him close and showed him how much better his life could be, even if they were living in a modified sewer system.

Back in the present he looked up as a hand was thrust under his chin, smiling softly as he took Remus’ hand and let himself be led away from the others’ idle chatter. He counted himself extremely lucky in the end that Janus had eventually come around to him, seeing how happy he made Remus and how Remus made Logan feel it had been him to finally talk to Logan about it and get the two to officially talk about how they felt, going on about the being “hopeless gay idiots” when they had finally started to date officially. Logan wasn’t sure what he’d do without Remus at this point, just a year later and he was so attached to their small group of hideaways he wouldn’t trade for the world.

They approached the exit to the sewers, Remus swinging their hands between them. Logan held his breath right before they crossed the threshold, closing his eyes and letting it out slowly as his feet met grass and he opened his eyes to the darkened field. There were a few tunnels that lead out to different places depending on where they needed to go and this, Remus had told him, was his favorite because of how empty it was. The city lay far in the distance so there was almost no light pollution to block out the sky. Soft grass and flowers brushed his ankles as he scanned the area carefully, seeing nothing but trees lining the far end of the field with a road so far away he could barely, make it out in the darkness. Remus tugged his hand softly to get his attention, searching his eyes for any hint of discomfort.

“Is this okay?’

Logan took another breath and let it out, the last of his nerves fading away as he took in the quiet. “It’s perfect Remus.”

The other grinned and tugged a little harder this time, walking fast to the middle of the field where he stopped suddenly and raised Logan’s arm up to lead him into an impromptu twirl. Logan laughed quietly and then louder as he was dipped, secure in Remus’ strong hold as he reached up to grip the back of his neck. He was safe. He was free and safe and happy finally with someone who truly loved and cared for him. His breath caught in his throat again but this time in awe, Remus chuckling as he was laid down carefully tucked into his side, till with his arms around his neck.

The stars shone bright and winked lazily while swirls of color dusted faintly behind them. The moon was waning, a barely there light that let the beauty behind it show fully as the wind whisked away any clouds that dared to try and cover it. It was everything Logan had ever hoped it would be and more, excitement thrumming through him as he squeezed Remus tightly in an attempt to convey it. He felt Remus grin against his scalp where his face was buried in his hair.

“It’s beautiful isn't it?”

Logan looked back at him, light from the stars reflected in his eyes and wild brown hair framing his face. He leaned up slightly and kissed him, a faint brush of their lips that left them both grinning like the idiots they were. Placing a hand on Remus’ cheek Logan smiled at him, thumb brushing over his cheek in adoration.

“Absolutely stunning.”

This work and others are also available on AO3!

If you like this, please consider reblogging, as sharing a creator’s work is very encouraging to us and helps our creations reach more people!

[the-phantom-ender]

SLAMS MY HANDS ON THE TABLE

DREAM SMP TMA AU WHEN?

RIGHT NOW. IM DOING IT RN. A BUNCH OF CHARACTERS PAIRED UP WITH ENTITIES. 

The Buried 

The fear of being suffocated, being trapped in small spaces, being buried alive. manifests as caves, dirt, being underground. 

Skeppy - Most of my justification for this is heheh funny diamond block, but a common manifestation for the buried is being tight on money. Which I think fits Skeppy. I dunno.

The Corruption 

The fear of corruption, filth, disease. Being uncleanly. Often manifests as rot, bugs, or infection. 

Bad - This is very much for the crimson arc. Also because a manifestation of the corruption is unhealthy relationships and, while im not calling Bad and Skeppy unhealthy by any means, it’s certainly fitting with the Red Skeppy stuff.

Puffy - For much the same reason as Bad, as well as her initial goal in the server being to patch up all of the creeper holes and generally ‘clean the place up’.

The Dark 

The fear of the dark, of what’s unseen. Often manifests as shadows, darkness, and cold water.

George - My justification for George and the dark is very much that it’s what isn’t seen. Out of sight and out of mind. As someone who’s known to not be involved with many conflicts, I feel its fitting.

The Desolation

The fear of pain, loss, destruction, burning. Often manifests as fire, wax, heat, and destruction of potential. 

Sapnap - I feel like this one is kinda self explanatory? Local arsonist is afraid of losing a grip on things and literally and metaphorically burns all of his bridges. 

Wilbur - Wilbur falls much more into the destruction of potential side of the desolation, while still playing into that fire motif. He lost everything and decides to ruin himself before anyone else has the chance to ruin him more.

The End

The fear of death itself, the unstoppable. Often manifests as bones, the dead, dreams.

Callahan - The silent wildcard fits the end fairly well. Often times no one really knows where he is or what he’s up to? But when he’s there, he’s there.

The Eye

The fear of being watched, followed, having secrets exposed. Also: the need to know and understand. Often manifests as eyes, security cameras, books, and libraries. 

Ranboo - He’s constantly stuck in the middle, watching all sides unfold. Having no say in what’s happening but wishing he did. Writing everything down in a book. Need I go on?

The Flesh

The fear of animals bred for meat, the realization that humans are just meat and bone. Often manifests as meat, blood, bones, butchers.

Tubbo - The flesh is really hard to pin on a human. Honestly a lot of my reasoning here is for the butcher army thing. Also Tubbo is very much an animal lover. 

The Hunt

The fear of being hunted or chased, being prey. Often manifests as predators, animalistic traits, animal instincts. 

Tommy - The hunt is also really hard to pin on a human! Aggression is a very common trait with the hunt. Someone who feels trapped and lashes out at those around them. 

Quackity - I point directly at the Techno chase scene. That is the most primal reaction to being chased possible. Also the fact that he changes appearance/skin frequently playing into animalistic features. 

The Lonely

The fear of isolation, being disconnected from society as a whole, being cut off. Often manifests as fog, large rooms, faceless crowds, silence.

Techno - It’s the aggression as an intentional way to isolate himself. It’s the pushing himself as far away from people as possible. 

Tommy - In the most literal way possible: he was exiled from his people. He talked extensively about feeling alone and how that loneliness overwhelmed him. 

Eret - Has been called names along the lines of ‘The Lonely King’. When a characters arc is being outcasted from all around them, not being able to make amends no matter how they try, it’s very easy to put them into the lonely. 

The Slaughter 

The fear of unmotivated violence, sudden pain. Often manifests as war or murder, those driven ‘Mad with Slaughter’, soldiers. 

Wilbur - Sudden pain and unmotivated violence works well for someone driven mad by war and their nation.

Techno - Blood for the blood god! Need I go on? On a serious note, a lot of Techno’s character leans on a craving for blood and violence. 

The Spiral 

The fear of madness, the world as you know it being wrong, your mind playing tricks on you. The fear of lying or being deceived. Often manifests as spiral patterns, repetition, hallucinations, and illusions. 

Ghostbur - The man who remembers nothing but the good, a ghost of the past. A constant thing of not knowing, not remembering, being unsure of everything. People always smiling is a trope for the spiral, as well, and Ghostbur is always happy.  

Schlatt - Disillusioned in his way of thinking. Schlatt was always a character that was very good at lying his way to victory and saying exactly what he needed to say to cause chaos. 

The Stranger 

The fear of the unknown, the unfamiliar. The sense that something isn’t right. Often manifests as mannequins, wax figures, masks, and taxidermy. 

Karl - Losing track of how you act or feeling as if you have no purpose is very much a stranger thing. Karl’s background character thing plays into the idea of this super well. Things being replaced is super common with the stranger.

Quackity - Specifically possession arc Quackity. Things not being quite right, just a little off. Someone looking or acting just a little different than how you remember them.

The Vast 

The fear of falling, heights, large open spaces. The fear of human insignificance, meaningless. Often manifests as void spaces, falling, infinity. 

Phil - Phil is often called a god. His major motifs are flying and surviving for long periods of time. As the End is closed in the smp, a winged being being bound to the ground or falling from grace is fitting for the vast.

The Web

The fear of being controlled or trapped, doing things against your will, being controlled without realizing. Often manifests as spiders, spider webs, puppets.

Dream - This is Dream’s entire thing. He’s the god of a world and bends everyone to his will, but also feels entirely out of control when someone get the leg up on him and struggles to regain that control.

Tommy - haha being controlled or manipulated, I’ll stop bullying Tommy. 

and just for fun:

The Extinction 

The fear of catastrophic change, destruction of nature, destruction of humanity. Often manifests as technology like computers, code, and radio. Not much is known about this entity. 

Sam - Pandoras Vault. Also the fact that he’s good with building and redstone both, but especially redstone in the case of technology. Technically there are no Avatars of The Extinction because it technically doesn’t exist, but it’s fun to imagine. 

THANK YOU THIS HAS BEEN PHANTOM MIXING HIS HYPERFIXATIONS. 

[leeminis]

      hello everyone !  i’m  pocky ,  it’s nice to meet you all !  this is a small introduction to my child ,  little miss lee mihi ,  but you may call her mini !  she’s based off our beloved judy ,  and i can’t wait to share her with you all !  though most of this intro will consist of things stated in her app ,  i’ll also add a couple  headcanons  and  wanted connections !  please don’t hesitate to im me or add me on d.iscord @* reimi sugimoto 2.0#5811 !

           lee mihi is the only daughter of a florist and a pastry chef, having moved to starden at age four. her father’s delicious treats and her mother’s beautiful floral arrangements was more than enough to provide a more than stable income for the family ,  and love never lacked in the lee household. mihi grew in a home full of colors and creativity, where everyday was a gift and brought a new reason to smile. never once did her parents try to limit her ever expanding imagination; in fact, they always encouraged her, always giving her that one little push needed in order to follow her dreams.

          always having been a popular kid, whether due to her unique personality or the way she adorned herself in colors and cute outfits, mihi  — or mini, if you’re a close friend, had little to no trouble making it through her teenage years. it was during that time she discovered many of her passions, including pottery, stargazing and of course, art. the girl is known for creating beautiful illustrations, some of them inspired by friends, by the constellations in the sky, by random costumers she sees during her part-time job at the able siblings, or even by her own dreams.

          her illustrations have gained her quite a following over the years, especially on social media, and although the opportunity to expand her brand and move around has presented itself, she can’t imagine living anywhere other than the twin islands, a place she knows every corner of.  whether you need someone to gossip with, some fashion advice, or a quick scope on the islands, mini is your girl!

꒰ personality ꒱

mini is one of the best people you’ll ever meet ,  always willing to land a hand or two . she is known to get attached quite quickly ,  and never forgets a face once she’s put a name to it .

sadly ,  she doesn’t have much of a filter at times . without meaning to ,  mini might say too much and let out a secret ,  but she means no harm !  being an open book ,  she struggles with understanding why some people live such private lives ,  but she’s learning .  slowly ,  but surely .

loves giving gifts to others ,  especially diy ones !  if you’re mini’s friend ,  be ready to receive some of her unique pottery or one of her famous drawings  ---  it might even be an original piece !

her favorite anime is sailor moon ,  and she could go hours and hours talking about it and how she loves the idea of the moon watching over the earth ,  not to mention her beloved stars !  if you want to look for constellations ,  hit her up !

despite being polite and friendly ,  mini does manage to get in trouble sometimes . whether it’s due to her honesty being mistaken as rude bluntness or a simple lack of affinity, she’s met a few bad influences and ended a few friendships in the past, rare as they may be. 

mini is quite the romantic ,  but wouldn’t give up her dreams for love .  to her ,  her career is more important than having “the one” .

she believes herself to be a star ,  someone who can change the world in her own little way ,  and refuses to let anyone dim her light !

not much of a personality trait, but she also works part time at the able siblings ,  and is more than happy to partake in chit chat  ---  that is ,  unless her bosses are looking !

꒰ wanted connections ꒱

a best friend !  someone who can be mini’s ride or die, who knows all sides of her colorful personality and accepts her anyway.

an admirer / follower !  someone who is familiar with mini’s work and likes it very much !  she’ll be flattered~

an ex / past fling ! for some reason ,  this person and mini decided to part ways .  we can discuss where they stand and how it all ended !

a childhood friend !  mini moved to the twin islands when she was very ,  very little .  maybe she and this person grew apart for some reason ,  maybe they still talk !

stargazing friends !  pretty self explanatory~

art friends !  also self explanatory~

anything your heart desires~

[offtopicoverload]

Howdy there!! Who are the li’s you fancy the most from LITG??

hi! thanks for the ask!

i honestly dunno who’s my top answer, cuz they’re all interesting in their own way

I’m only going to talk about female LIs cuz the only male routes I’ve finished are Bobby and Jake, and I tapped through most of Jake and only ended with Bobby on my first run cuz I never unlocked Marisol, so I’m not the best source lol

Talia:

She’s just so chill but has no problem standing up for MC, she has her back no matter what

Which, like, what a queen

She’s the original and only one of 4 LIs, which maybe it’s just me, but for a game based on an incredibly heteronormative reality show, allowing representation for queer audiences from launch is such a big deal and so cool to me, so Talia’s kind of special in my mind

She was also my first LI so nostalgia points

And she’s such an easy LI, not much drama on her route outside of Lucy, just her having MC’s back as the boys make themselves look like idiots

And she has so much potential, like I know some people think her only personality trait is fancying MC, which I mean, is a little fair, but there’s so many opportunities for her in fics and headcanons to develop the good amount of information we got on her in 13 days

I absolutely love how self-aware and confident she is

She just went for what she wanted, struggled a bit with commitment at first, because who wouldn’t, but after that it was smooth sailing

Like obviously what she said in the Beach Hut at the beginning of the season wasn’t great for MC, but she knew exactly what she wanted out of her time on the show

She was confident in herself and her sexuality so much so that she was just down to have a fling with a girl and not worry about how it would effect the show

And then she *coupled up* with that same girl, not even giving a shit about the rules or anything

A queen

Allegra:

I know she’s not an official LI, but her arc is what got me into writing so she gets a million points for that

I love what could have been done with her progression if she was given an actual route, I’m a sucker for some good enemies to lovers, but alas, she’s canonically a bad bitch with a lot of internalised homophobia yet enough confidence to ask MC out

I still love her

Marisol:

I know so many people hate her, and I get it, but I do really like her growth

Maybe it’s cuz I’m pretty analytical too, but her analyses never bothered me or anything, and now that I’ve played her route so many times, it’s pretty obvious that that’s a defense mechanism, and I understand that

She very much so has a “figure their weaknesses out before they have a chance to figure mine out” attitude, and I’m 99% positive it’s because of the ex that Elisa reminded her of

So not only has she been burned in the past, I’m willing to bet it was by the only woman she’s been in a serious relationship with

I really have no problem with her commitment issues, it’s understandable, and I can really empathise with her fear of coming out, it’s absolutely terrifying even if you’ve accepted it and bought a flag, saying the words can be really difficult

My biggest issue is her entitlement and immaturity, I guess?

Like her using Graham to make MC jealous just feels like an excuse to crack on with him and still have MC available for when she’s ready

I understand her being scared to couple up, but playing games to distract herself just made things with MC worse

And unless youre on her route, and sometimes even when you are, it’s clear to me that she expects things and has no problem saying what they are, but going after them is a problem?

Like her going after Lurik even though they don’t have a connection, or Gary even when he’s with Hannah

But then it never works and she gets sad and I melt because I’m weak

ALSO, can I just say how awful it is that Lucas and Henrik don’t pick her unless they have to???

Like cmon she deserves MC after that

And when they finally couple up? And she’s all soft? The GROWTH ohmygod

Anyway I love who Marisol became, maybe not everything she started out as, but definitely the person she ended the season as, more confident and self assured and willing to be vulnerable

It’s precious

Elisa:

I still haven’t done an Elisa route

I tried to a couple months ago, but dumping Marisol felt so cruel, what the hell was Fusebox thinking with that?? 

I do really like that they learned from their mistake though, even if they went in the opposite direction

From what I’ve seen of Elisa, she can be pretty sweet, I’ve seen her described as a Lucas-Bobby hybrid, and while that’s not the most interesting personality to me, I will say that she’s a really cool character that FB messed up on

Why did they make her a straight up villain???

And why ONLY her???

None of the other female LIs have been villains or had such a complete 180

Like her going from shouting at Chelsea, who is literally meant to be MC’s ride or die and the person outside of your LI that youre supposed to want to defend and avenge, to “i cant even sleep because im pining so hard”

I know the treatment of black women has been discussed before, specifically in regards to Hope and Erikah, and it is by no means my place to speak on it, but I definitely think something’s going on with Elisa

Anywayyyy, I love her archetype

The celebrity and influencer has so much potential, to the point that I wrote a one shot without even knowing her lmao 

And she’s so confident in a way that’s so different from Marisol

She doesn’t even care if MC’s happily coupled up, she WILL get in her pants and I respect that

In conclusion, Fusebox did her dirty and I’m probably going to try and retcon some canon for her in the future

Lottie:

Ohmygod

Lottie

A goth babe

Lottie

Yeah, anyway, so I love her

Her growth is just unbeatable in my opinion

Yeah, she still has her flaws by the end of the season, but she went from ready to rip everyone’s throat out to biting her tongue around Hannah

And her and MC???

And the development between them??? 

Ugh

No matter what way you swing it, you’ve either got best friends to lovers or enemies to lovers and I adore both

And her aesthetic is one of my favourites, I’m alt myself and having a character like that is just so cool

My Runaways MC is a ball of sunshine with some hidden darkness specifically because Lottie’s such a dark cloud but can start shining with the right person, and that’s my absolute favourite trope

But man were the wedding episodes a cop out

Why couldn’t they give her the Noah treatment? Or the single treatment? Where they just get together after the show? Same with Hannah, why are they giving such an intense confession after who knows how long of literally nothing, like no communication even????

Don’t get me wrong, I kinda simultaneously love it for the angst and yearning, but it just… makes no sense?

So yeah, amazing bat lady that I seriously vibe with and wish my MC could have wifed up

Hannah:

I know this is a little controversial buuuut

I fucking love Hannah

But only OGHannah, Returning Hannah was butchered and I will never let that go

And it was such a toxic message too, that she needed to change herself and her appearance just to get a guy to like her?

Fuck that, Original Hannah was amazing and perfect exactly as she was

I love her trope, too, the naivety and how obvious and clear it was that she’s still learning about the world and relationships, to the point that it’s going to get her in trouble

And her obsession with fairy tales? 

Fucking adorable ohmygod

I started a fic a while ago that I think I’m gonna scrap, that just indulged in the fairy tale metaphors and stuff because I just love how cute it is lmao

If she wasn’t dumped, I think she could have had amazing growth alongside Lottie, and their friendship/kinda, probably, most-definitely-if-MC’s-not-there-more-than-a-friendship growing together would have been so good

In an alternate reality Hope was dumped instead, and that helps me sleep at night

I firmly stand by the fact that Noah should have been the deciding factor between Hope and Hannah/MC, where Lottie said something that screwed with his head earlier in the day to make sure her friends were safe

Noah should have saved Hannah/MC and Hope should have returned with Rocco, hellbent on revenge and proving herself

That would have been so good for Noah stans and such good drama, that actually made perfect sense

Hope was fully expecting that she’d get picked by Noah because they’d spent three days attached at the hip and then to just… not have that happen. It would have driven her insane and if there was then a scene with MC where she just like, gives up

Like she’s spent the past two days grafting Noah but he won’t make up his mind and she’s just done and MC can comfort her or fight with her and you just get to humanize her make her vulnerable and hurting and I fucking WISH they did something like that, even for RHannah

And Hannah’s growth in the Villa would have been so amazing

I think her idea of a perfect guy is definitely too much, and I’m not advocating that she settles by any means, just that she could have learned that there are things more important than money

That conversation on day 1 where you choose between money, kindness, and intelligence still baffles me

Like why are you a gold digger Hannah?!?!

Why don’t you just want a Prince/ss Charming???

Her and Hope should have swapped and I don’t understand why they weren’t

I mean, I do really like Hope, but Hannah’s just so cute and has so much to learn and her struggling in the Villa just to have a lightbulb moment with MC would have been precious and now I want to write it dammit

Anyway, Hannah is adorable and had so much potential and she never should have returned if they were just going to scrap everything that made her Hannah, except for snooty literature

I wanna listen to her rattle on about Belle and Mulan and every other Disney Princess and what they meant for representation and progress in media and then compare them to their original stories like a dweeb and I would have melted on the spot

Like yes, please tell me more about how gruesome Cinderella is

She should have shown up at the finale and hugged MC and been innocent and sweet so I could have just lost my shit for like a half hour

But stan OGHannah, burn RHannah

AJ:

Adorable, precious, denied an arc outside of coming out

I am not exaggerating when I say that I cried at 4:30 in the morning at her blushing face when playing the first two days

It’s just so fucking cute and I’m a sap and I don’t know why it made me cry, but it did okay?!

And her coming out was such good representation!!! By far the best thing in Boat Party, and I’m so proud of the progress FB’s made in queer representation at the very least

I know she’s pretty one dimensional, but most of S3 is unfortunately

Her being available right off the bat was also such a win, I’m positive it’s the reason she had so many stans

If her and Yasmin had switched or her and Lily, they would have been the ones that were dominating Reddit polls and stuff

And I know she’s written as masc but I just can’t really see it? Like I can’t see her in a dress, but outside of a few clothing items, I guess I just can’t see it? Maybe androgynous is more the word for my image of her, like definitely a mix

She’ll wear a skirt under the right circumstances, but never a dress, a crop top with a flannel, her prom outfit that’s like a frilly jumpsuit, stuff like that? idk im not a lesbian

Her route for me was so glitchy, but I know that if MC’s stolen from her by Yasmin, Tai, or Ciaran, she has some really cute scenes and I wish I could have seen them

And I know some people were ragging on her for the eyelash at the end of the scene but I thought that was just a perfect callback - maybe it’s the writer in me

Basically, AJ’s adorable and why did Ciaran have to split her and MC up, not cool dude

Yasmin:

I forgot I was doing a Yasmin route a while ago, but from what I’ve seen and played, she’s really sweet 

I hate that she’s almost nonexistent outside of her route

Give us a mysterious musician friend, you cowards!

I saw that she sings to MC on the final date and damn is that cute

Her eyeshadow kinda throws me off, but her stuffed animal makes up for it

And I’m salty that Yasmin the Lamb disappeared too, that was such a nice detail that made me start a Yasmin route

She’s distant and self-assured, but has a soft, gooey, nostalgic center and I wish we saw more of that, even if we weren’t on her route

My final thoughts on Yasmin: An artsy indie icon that I really need to stop getting distracted from and finish her route

Lily:

Again, don’t know much about her, but she seems really cool

Her shaving her head between the finale and Boat Party is such a flex and I wish she did it right before Boat Party so we could see her in all her bald glory

She’s into cars, right? And… architecture?

Idk, I barely remember my own name, let alone a 10 minute date from months ago

But I’ll definitely get around to doing her route at some point, maybe just to write for her, we’ll see

Elladine:

I know she’s not an LI, but MC so should have been able to run away with her

I missed that option in S3

I kinda get why they didn’t do that, but Boat Party’s just so messy in general

And I would include Genevieve here, but she’s so cute with Seb that I’d feel bad splitting them up

But Elladine had actual problems with Nicky!!!

Why did they mention it for it to never pay off??

And I’m so mad that the hype around her died when it was revealed she wasn’t an LI or the badass of the season, because I still adore how sweet she is

I also want to brag that before we got a name I was calling her Emma and that’s just on example of my almost psychic-ness

But yeah I wanted Ell to be a run away option and I’m salty that she wasn’t

Know what, fuck it, Viv too, she’s smart and cool as hell, let us love these awesome women FB, you cowards!!!

I have no idea who would be my number 1 based on canon, but if we’re talking hypotheticals, I think my answer, as strange as it is, is Hannah.

I just love what she could have been, but by no means what she is. 

It’s so awkward to know her for three days, not see her for three weeks, then spend a couple more days with, a couple weeks at most, just for her to write a whole ass book about MC?? And tell her about it with that hair????

No thanks, I’ll stick with closeted sapphic horse girl nerd Hannah because I guess that’s somehow my type??? Oh god what the fuck I swear I’m not a total weirdo

[normal-thoughts-official]

Hm... consider: Neurodivergent Maia. (Maiaphael neurodivergent solidarity. Also Magnus & Maia neurodivergent solidarity. I love this)

ok im sorry it took me this long to answer this, but, autistic maia? autistic maia!

makes sense too, like, ambiance is something that matters to her (“no one will want to join the pack if there are blotches on the wall” - clearly things regarding visual stimuli matter to her/bother her a lot, and at this point everyone already knows better than to argue with her), very one-tracked mind once she sets a goal (she basically won’t rest until she gets what she wants and she will do everything herself if needed be. like painting taki’s and the jade wolf entirely on her own, or the way she chased jace to the deepest realms of hell when she set her mind on killing him. same with clary, same with the way she was always after luke trying to convince him to take the right decision, same with the way she basically ran hunter’s moon entirely on her own lol), unwavering loyalty and very dead-set routine that she’s not letting go (for how many years has she been doing exactly the same job? and she clearly likes it. also worth noting that for a bar hunter’s moon really doesn’t have a lot of visual stimuli - no super loud noises, no extreme lightning... but anyway - even when she changes hunter’s moon to taki’s it’s still the same idea. when she decides to reform jade wolf, she is basically keeping everything the same way... she likes routine and doing the same things that she’s used to doing), oh god maybe the way she seems to particularly struggle with controlling her wolf/transformation is related to that, too... i mean of course there’s the part about her trauma which i have already talked about, but it also makes sense for maia to be autistic and thus struggle to keep perfect control of her body at all times, especially under stress, and that makes it harder for her to hold back or transform on purpose. also the fact that she snaps and twists so much! like, paired up with her trauma, it means that whenever she transforms into a wolf, she goes into great emotional distress, even if she wants it, and so it’s like.. that thing when your body seems to go out of your control and it snaps and twists and you’re like fighting it? you know what i mean? to be fair i’ve seen this more in my schzophrenic students but it’s a shared possible trait 

this paragraph is too long already but there’s more! maybe she initially chose bartending as a job because of the repetitive and easy motions. she is always playing with her shaker when she isn’t working so that makes sense. shit no more shaking??? no problem throw the shaker in the air wehoo again and again. most socially acceptable way of stimming she has i suppose, great to let go of pent up energy (and like boy does she need that with all the shit going down all the time). i’m gonna go back to loyalty for just a second and bring up “it took me so long to let go of you!” like even as jordan had abused her and hurt her a part of her was still obviously attached to him and that is a very autistic trait, you know? being helplessly attached to the same people even as they hurt you and you don’t understand why. and she struggled so hard to get rid of him and aaaa i’m pain

also, marine biology being her special interest.... my god i was such an idiot and a fool of course maia is autistic how could i have been so blind to the truth

also i’m pretty sure we’ve seen her go nonverbal a few times as therewere a few scenes where every word she was saying was clearly tiring her out and she was just exhausted afterwards, and... yeah

also thinking about how that pairs up with her claustrophobia like the way closed spaces make her feel hyperaware of everything and helpless to the stimuli so it amplifies her sensorial issues as well, so it’s the most horrible hypersensitivity + claustrophobia feedback loop. also thinking about how it is implied in many scenes that when she becomes overwhelmed she turns (like when luke locked her up and triggered her claustrophobia... haha man don’t we love it) so maybe like, before she was Turned, what used to happen were meltdowns? and now with the lycantrophy having meltdowns means being basically unable to control her wolf and so she ends up turning, and the distressed wolf also scratches and flaps around and howls and destroys everything.... i’m pain oh my god

also if visual stimuli are the most prone to giving her sensorial overload the wolf turning also makes sense since wolves see less color and so it’s one of the way her body now finds to try and tone down the overload

okay okay no more angst hopefully have a few cute maiaphael headcanons

can i just say... raphael’s voice. a bitch has an obsession okay the way he talks is just so... it sounds so velvety and smooth and his voice has that low tone and it’s just... entrancing and maia can listen to it for hours, which is funny because raphael isn’t usually much of a talker. but sometimes she will ask him things, especially regarding his special interests (like astronomy) or just stories, and lie on his lap, and he will pet her hair and tell her with that low, steady cadence that he speaks with, and it just feels perfect? like not only is it beautiful but it’s also steady/predictable and that makes it soothing and she is in absolute heaven when they do this

special interests sharing.... i love it okay. maia and raphael babbling about marine biology and astronomy respectively, and they both love hearing the other talk about it because they get it, they get how sharing your special interests is sharing love and baring your soul and even if they don’t share these interests they are genuinely delighted to soak up everything the other has to say about it. especially because their passion about the subject always makes it sound interesting!!!!

they get some see-through curtains for taki’s and her place to balance her need for less bright environments (hey ever noticed how she always makes it a point to make sure the places she’s frequently in have binded curtains and they’re always half-open when she’s there?) and raphael’s need for S U N  A N D  W A R M T H at all times. they are communication kings so they talk about it and try to find a solution that fits them both

it’s a great talk too because raphael also understands sensorial issues, and they are both highly empathetic, so like. she feels comfortable to tell him about how she needs a less bright environment without being defensive about it like she usually would (for good reason! because people are frequently assholes and she’s used to having to defend herself. but with raphael she knows she doesn’t have to, wouldn’t have to even if he weren’t autistic because he cares about her) 

also the fact that they are both autistic also tones up their communication kings shit up to one thousand, absolute icons. they both make it a point to always try to communicate what they need and be as clear as possible about it. neither has any interest in skirting around subjects or playing games (maia especially. raphael kinda had to learn how to do it because he worked for fucking camille for decades but that doesn’t mean he likes it. and even then that was never his approach, like, when he tried to kill clary he was all like “i am going to kill you now. i promise it will be painless. it’s just a practical decision”). although it also means that when they put their minds on the fact that something is Their Problem and they shouldn’t share it, it also takes a lot of work for the other to get them to talk... good thing they are both so stubborn lol

neither of them has to worry about making sure the other understands what the fuck they’re talking about, you know... because they know that the other isn’t looking for a thousand hidden meanings in their words, and also that, if they don’t get it, they will ask

basically, autistic maiaphael solidarity forever. god i love this. this is brilliant. thank you so much

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Attack Surface in The Observer

The third Little Brother book, ATTACK SURFACE, came out in the UK on Oct 1 (it'll be published in the US/Canada on Oct 13 - that's TUESDAY!). In honour of the launch, I sat down for an interview with Ian Tucker, The Observer's science and tech editor. https://www.theguardian.com/media/2020/oct/10/cory-doctorow-technologists-have-failed-to-listen-to-non-technologists It's a really good interview: Tucker got right into the issues of technological optimism and pessimism, letting me talk about how these balance: the belief that tech can be a force for liberation, the terror of how it can be force for oppression. This is really the core of the Little Brother books (and my activism). Attack Surface is about a techie who spent her career building oppressive tech and has to confront her moral legacy when the cyberweapons she built for use overseas are turned on her friends in the US. It tries to expose the fallacy of the moral ledger: the idea that if you do good stuff, you erase your bad deeds (and vice versa). As we look to the unvarnished records of our cultural icons, we struggle with the question of whether they are, on balance, "good" or "bad." I think that's wrong: the good doesn't cancel the bad, the bad doesn't cancel the good. They exist in superposition. The people you harm remained harmed, no matter what good you do. The people you helped remain helped, no matter what bad you do. Fiction is a really good way to explore this. One of the cool things about writing from the PoV of Masha (Attack Surface's protagonist) is it lets me train a lens on Marcus, hero of the first two books, and reveal his own flawed nature. And to invite the reader to ponder whether they'd rather be Marcus - blind to your own sins - or Masha - fully cognizant of them, but committing them anyway. SF is a particularly good vehicle for this, because it allows readers not just to inhabit hypothetical personalities, but also hypothetical technological changes, giving us an emotional fly-through of a world that doesn't exist...yet. That's a powerful experience. Countless people have told me that reading Little Brother and Homeland inspired them to get involved in tech and human rights: as cryptographers, programmers, activists, cyberlawyers. In the interview, I cite Maria Farrell and her idea of the "Prodigal Tech Bro" - the repentant techie who has turned against the system. https://crookedtimber.org/2020/09/23/story-ate-the-world-im-biting-back/ Farrell argues that the Prodigal Son is redeemed through suffering, through which he finds humility, while the prodigal tech bro doesn't really suffer, and certainly doesn't learn humility. Instead of elevating the voices of the people harmed by their inventions, prodigal tech bros continue to occupy center stage, and their mea culpas are also humblebrags (if you confess to having been an evil genius, you're also calling yourself a genius). We also talk about my recent book HOW TO DESTROY SURVEILLANCE CAPITALISM, whose thesis is that tech's harms come not from using machine learning to control our behaviour, but rather from using MONOPOLY to deprive us of choice. https://onezero.medium.com/how-to-destroy-surveillance-capitalism-8135e6744d59 Tech makes it easier to find people with hard to find traits, which is useful for advertising (that's why they made it), and also useful for political and social organizing, for good or ill. It's how anyone with a disfavoured belief can find others of the same ilk. I support some of those beliefs (antiracism, LGBTQA) and others I vehemently oppose (neofascism and eugenics). But it's wrong to attribute the existence of these beliefs to tech - rather, we should understand their surging growth as being ENABLED by tech (not caused by it). The mistake that technological optimists made wasn't in assuming that tech could be a force for good - rather, it was in assuming that tech would resist monopolisation - that regulators would continue the trustbusting work they did on IBM and Microsoft. I think we (or, at least, I) seriously missed the fact that Robert Bork, Ronald Reagon's Nixonite court sorcerer, had poisoned our economic discourse with an ideology that embraced monopoly and militated against pro-competitive regulation. That poison was slowly seeping through the world, killing competition enforcement by slow stages. IBM and Microsoft were its last, dying gasps. Without it, the web was doomed to become five giant sites filled with screenshots from the other four. https://twitter.com/tveastman/status/1069674780826071040 Today, we see a resurgence in antimonopoly activism and a resurgence in a belief that technology is a critical part of resolving our crises and rescuing our future. The Fully Automated Luxury Communism thought experiment of a few years back is giving way to a GND future of clean energy, care work, and climate remediation. https://pluralistic.net/2020/10/01/the-years-of-repair/#leap-manifesto And people are demanding more of their technology! Waking up to the fact that the parts of technology they hate are optional - that they are the result of choices by tech execs who decided to harm their users to make money, and to protect the money by creating monopolies. "No one came down off a mount with two stone tablets saying thou shalt stop rotating log files and start mining for actionable market intelligence. Those are choices that people made. And you could make different choices.Sergey Brin was not dragged into spying on you by the forces of history. He made a choice. We could make a different one. If we remove the spying would you find the web searches less adorable?"

[shytiff]

Apr 2021 Wins

Started typing this on 4th apr lmaooo

1 - went to mcd. bought chicken + rice with the app promo. there’s a staff helping me on the order machine lol i feel badd there’s no need to do thatt. ate my lunchmade by mom at mcd’s muschola and went to sbux bcs its tumbler day. green tea latte w skim milk as usual. sent dr triya’s translation. ecmocard. started rereading goong (AGAIN. i probably have read it like 3 times minimum). still bring some feels

2 - its holiday today. spent almost the whole daylight rereading goong (turns out its pronounce ‘gung’ not ‘gong’ lol ive been wrong all this time) and finished it. the scene where they stare at each other, separated by the castle door, always gets me. got the old ipad charged (the screen are like 30% close to detaching and falling apart) and started AOT

3 - spent the whole day reading AOT. i like it when i have mini purposes in life (eg: finishing a manga series). AOT rly talks a lot about what do you want to do in life, the consequences of your choices and how you have to live with it. i felt triggered in a good way. the characters dont rly judge other’s choices, but they question them. discuss about it. give you some moral push. second gladi today. my vbg was still filpped hhhh. read aot until i felt sleepy and fell asleep. woke up very near subuh and prayed isya. my toxic trait is the horrible self care (and im talking bare minimum lol hehe lmao)

4 - finished aot. Asked irun about some aot explanations and she sent 5 paragraphs in one bubble. Slept. Flavola, kopsus coklat and somay. Also ate japota honey butter. Did 1 long input of ecmocard. Followed baepsae choreo. Moved my body a bit. Wow im not immediately sleeping. Amazing

5 - arrived at harkit 11-ish and went back about 1pm loll. super hungry when im arriving in kalideres. bought tahu colek worth 3000 (i wonder how the seller hears me through my 2 layers of mask), roti sisir and some ice cream in alfamidi. my fitlife protein powder ran out again. its my 2nd already. did some ecmocard, wasted my time after maghrib

6 - woke up late. did not have the mental strength to go to harkit so i decided to just stay home. bought sbux 1L green tea and macchiato. wasted the daylight and finally did some ecmocard in the evening,,,,

7 - off to harkit 7.30-ish pm in the rain. Took some data for ecmocard. Went to salemba to get tabung and surat bebas pustaka. Had breakfast slash lunch first, tried guudfuud (red rice, beef and omega egg). I like that the rice was not too much. Met up w ness ren and talked about isip dilemmas at sky. Afterwards went to flavola. Ordered mie rebus and roasted milk tea cause i somehow feel sooo hungry and in need of calories. It tasted so good, i was sitting in my usual seat facing the window, and the sky was a mixture of blue and grey. Brought croissant and sakura pocky at indomart. Ate the bread immediately after indomie. Went back home. Juan brought tahu gejrot that was delicious and crunchy. Internship files briefing by akis. Fell asleep

8 - woke up. Saw that dr retha was up for interview. Panicked. Thankfully it was at 12. I left home at 9:40 ish and arrived 11:50. Its a long ass way. Turns out i was interviewed with ka agassi. The doctors are so kind. They explained the gist of anesthesiology profession, and how its a choice you make, and its okay as long as you like what you do. Tried halo bowl for lunch. Sous vide chicken, rice, caesar sauce, beef bacon, and the deliciouss butter broccoli. Went back to kalideres and to starbucks. I only spent <2 hrs in there (a waste of money, i know). Bought decaf hazelnut latte (apparently the beans were kenyan something? Medium?) and butter croissant (need to cushion my stomach). Did GCP certification and sent it to the ever so kind mba Ai. Still got energy from the caffeine, did some ecmocard, read quran, read.... Toji fanfic 🤦‍♀️

9 - went to rsf w mom. We took the wrong way and had to take the long way but thank god theres still time to spare. Met dr rara. Some briefing. Went to rscm w agassi, submitted files for ijazah, went back to RSF. Girlll the cost of transport. MRT: 12K. Grab: 16-17k. Thats one way trip. Bought food at rsf canteen. Eocru briefing by the research coordinator. Ward tour w dr retha. Snacked on ovaltine provided by mba ai. Went home after maghrib by tj. Liqo along the way. Glad bersih (came late). Drank macchiato for some strength but still fell asleep quickly.i shouldnt have laid down

10 - kebakaran jenggot in the morning due to green screen positioning. Finally got the appropriate setup (after many fabric tries and cutting my mukena) at 08:30. Finished showering 08:45. Zoom was opened at 9 lmao. Somehow finished before 09:30. Zoompah w mom and dad along side me. After its ovee, some "photoshoot" w fam. At this point i was truly rly sleepy. Took of my makeup. Changed my clothes. And then racil silv dev showed up lol. I got gifts c: and then atikah came. And then i redid my makeup, this time with the help of friends to create fantastic eye make up look (which i can never pull off). Eyebrows by sil, eyeshadow and liner by cheldev lol. Took some photos. Dajen came. Talked. Videocalled w pupuy. A surprise gift from fianti came. And then chel dajen went back at 8. Still cant sleep. Slept at like 11-12

11 - lazed. Woke up, ate pizza (mom bought 2 of phd's 1m pizza) and bakwan, slept again. Matcha latte and ecmocard. Watched a bit of 2nd sinau

12 - off to rsf at 06:20. Arrived 07:15 ish. Lunch was ayam penyet accompanied by snacks that mba ai bought. Off to harkit at 14:05 (bcs my laptop somehow shut down and i lost all the unsubmitted data). And then off to kalideres at 15:30 ish to meet up w clara and search for clothes for almira's wedding. Went to lippo bcs clar saw this dress that kinda looks like the brokat given. We ate at ramen ya. It doesnt rly make you feel full, the filliny sensation was kinda like indomie. Saw that the dress looked different. Ate 1 boba pancake together at banban. Continued on to the tailor in kebon jeruk. The location was in an alley, and it was raining lol. Quoting clara: "the unnecessary struggles". The tailor was quite helpful (and she looks experienced). Arrived at clara's at 8 ish. Picked up by mom with car (it was raining) and arrived at abt 9. Hurriedly showered and tarawih and tidied up AND ITS ONLY 09:45. Its crazy how efficient one use time (and at the same time, how wasteful one can be)

13 - first day of fasting. The morning was spent taking samples. I stupidly took a sample thats not yet labeled im sorry :(((( i felt kinda tired and wanted to give up this. Give up anesthesia. Went back home at 14:00 and its cloudy. The bus was the nicer types and it was COLD. Read quran along the way. Picked up by juan. Opened laptop. And then its iftar time. I was sooo sleey and the tarawih was so long thst i closed my eyes along the way. Fianti called after tarawih, we talked til abt 21:30. And then i fell asleep

14 - went to rscm. Submitted serkom files. Met dr dyah and i hope we could somehow meet her again if we study in fkui again aamiin. Went to rsf by mrt. Arrived in lebak bulus just before it was raining. The bus took a while to arrive (usually theyre there, waiting). Its still raining like crazy so i took grabcar to AR from pesakih (39k). Played with my phone til iftar. Played phone again after tarawih and fell asleep

15 - i felt rlyy lazy and cant bring myself to wake up. Off to rsf at 07:15. There were coordinator ppl. Took sample. It was raining when i went back but i took grabbike from kalideres. Wasted my time and did not do ecmocard

16 - sampling. Snacked on keripik pisang at the room. Went back early at 13:15 ish. Picked up by juan. Sleeeept (and this is before the nightmareish mistake began)

17 - i did a mistake by telling dr retha (who took the sample today) the wrong patient (it switched in my unreliable memory. I feel terrible. Thank god shes quite chill abt it (?). Read jujutsu kaiseeen. Went to flavola. Did 1 ecmocard. Went to bandar jakarta baywalk by motorbike. Spent 135k and was quite full with many varieties. Arrived home at about 20:50. Turns out juan also had bukber with his friends. Phone call with fiiii, talked abt dimrob

18 - lazed all day, read jjk, finished my part of ecmocard (gave genky to ekal cause i was a dumbass at getting data). Ate mom's mentai rice, siomay. Drank green tea latte. Read jjk til 145 (mentok) at night. Proceeds to consume all things jjk lmaoo

19 - we took sooo long to get samples. Finished at 13:00. Went to rm with dr rara. Went back home. Watched the third sinau. Read the IMMACULATE jjk fics by celestialmechanics im IN LOVEEEE with the way s/he writes ughhhh

20 - samples took faster than usual. Mba ai did not came today. Went to RM and did some work there. Off to AR by 15:00. Arrived close to maghrib. Did not do any work afterwards lmao. Did not even wash my face

21 - magang as usual. Note to self: sit on the right side of the bus. Did nothing yesterday. Felt like shit after tarawih (but i showered before maghrib!!)

22 - todays problem was the swab sample not being there even though the staff allegedly already took it. Huft. Took a shower and out on vitacid (i cant remember the kast time i put on vitacid 😳 its probably been... a week or two?

23 - samples finished quite quickly. Already going home at 12. Lazedddd and lazed and lazed. Waited for emir to pick me up so i went to dm. Read an immaculate itadori x megumi fix thats just full of feels. Started demon slayer lets see

24 - literally just laid in bed reading manga and seeing tiktok and slept again and suddenly its 1 am. Showered. Still in a lazy mode. Havent begun clires work. Watched leah's vlog that said "go do things youve been putting off!". Finally finished the third and last video of Sinau Yuk ICU class with dr. Zeta, SpAn lolll even though the actual last class was on 7th apr. iftar was fish and chips and salad yuum

25 - woke up at like 1am since i slept too much yesterday. Ate tan ek tjoan bread and drank sbux matcha latte. Did some intern work. Read a bit of quran. Sahur. Cant even sleep again so i showered. Off with mom and dad (09:30) since dad’s going to get vaccinated at skk migas. Mom drove me to ara’s place (11:00). Talked a bit and even read quran again there. Off to GI (13:00) to meet up w regen. Walked around. Bought a discounted TBS green tea facial wash. Went back home by TJ (16:00). the bus station is a bit closer now. Arrived home close to maghrib (17:30). hurriedly showered and went to sleep (properly) after tarawih. A good good sleep since i got 9400 steps today and that tired me out lmaooo (bare minimum yall, i know). 

26 - woke up still sleepy. Slept again after iftar and woke up at 07:30. Skipped shower and off to RSF lmao. Went to medical record. Walked to the front of RSF originally planning to go to lebak bulus by angkot but i saw none. So i went through mrt instead. Stopped by at kebon jeruk and walked 800 meter (that tireeed me and made me feel parched under the sun) to risma busana for clothes fitting. Took gojek to jembatan gantung (turns out the closer halte to flyover was taman kota). Iftar was chicken noodle and risol and banana and i felt fullll and i slept

27 - today is off day since im alternating with agassi. read quran. watched shadow and bone (with 1,5x speed except for kanej and matthias nina scenes). didnt rly do any magang work except the table asked by dr retha. i feel like usually im operating on 70%. sleeping more doesnt rly add that. i need caffeine or physical activity. before i know it, its close to iftar.

28 - i ((felt)) like i had a decent amount of energy today. shouldve done some work between sahur and leaving the house but i ended up reading vampire knight lmaoooo the scenes had no business bringing so much butterflies. sampling together w agassi. mba ai didnt come in today. after agassi left did some magang work. i also went to RM to ask for more RM to bu dian. took angkot to lebak bulus for the first time. paid 5k. i had no idea which angkot went to lebak bulus and the driver (somehow knowing the right words to say) said “lebak bulus lebak bulus”. didnt read much quran on the way back. i just close my eyes and relaxed. felt kinda low on sugar. watched more shadow and bone on the way back and at home until close to iftar. didnt do anything after tarawih. slept hoping i woke up early (which i did, at 3am. but i slept again)

29 - im supposed to have ample energy but i just stuck around my bed until its time to get ready to go. read some kanej fic lol. I dont rly do anything productive after arriving home

30 - made intern log, magang as usual. Did not go to rm. Finished watching shadow and bone. Rested bcs tomorrow's saturdayyy