#one of the all time books for me idk like ....... yeah .......
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okay, i don't wanna give spoilers, since you said you hadn't finished it, so.. first episode feels safe ??
fucking your cousin's is normal. it's a vault, there's limited selection. nobody blames you. but fucking your best friend.. well, that's a little much for lucy. not because your a girl. no, that's not- that has nothing to do with it, she promises. she just doesn't want to change your bond, that's all.
or super convoluted way to say lucy has a crush on you and refuses to admit it. mayb ?? idk if this makes sense sorry
also first ask i've sent that's not just conversation, so.. should probably put a name to my claim.
- 🦴 ( if possible </3 )
── KISS ME ONCE, THEN KISS ME TWICE, THEN KISS ME ONCE AGAIN
— summary: you and lucy decide to ‘practice’.
— warnings: friends to lovers. mostly fluff with some nsfw-ish content. so mdni.
the hum of the vault’s fluorescent lights buzzes overhead, the sound so constant it’s easy to forget it’s there at all until everything else is silent.
you and lucy are sprawled on the bed in her quarters, your shoulders pressed together as you share the same faded book, its pages worn from years of careful reading. the vault’s limited library doesn’t get restocked, after all.
“you ever think about what’s out there?” you ask suddenly.
lucy doesn’t look up from the pages, though her grip tightens slightly, the paper under her thumb crumbling. “not really,” she lies.
“come on!” you press, nudging her with your elbow. “you’ve never wondered what it’s like? the open sky, fresh air…”
at that, she snorts. “fresh air? you know the stories! it’s nothing but radiation and monsters out there!” lucy flips the page, her eyes fixed on the paragraph in front of her.
you roll onto your side, propping yourself up on your elbow to look at her. “you don’t think everyone out there is bad. you’re too nice for that!”
she finally glances at you, her lips quirking into a small smile. “you think i’m nice?”
“well, of course,” you say, your tone teasing. “i mean, you could just tell me to shut it and read the book, but here we are!”
lucy laughs, a quiet, breathy sound, and looks back down at the book. she doesn’t turn the page.
“okay, maybe i do think about it,” she admits after a moment.
it reminds you of childhood. of sitting in the quiet dark of the quarters, exchanging hushed secrets in the comfort of her presence.
“but not the way you do! you’ve got this whole…” she gestures vaguely, her eyes flicking back to yours. “…adventure thing in your head. like the outside world’s just waiting for you to show up and save it single-handed!”
“and you don’t?”
“nope.” she smiles. “i mean- eventually. once it is safe for all of us to return back. maybe our children will?” she clears her throat and nudges you with her shoulder. “anyway, why would i want to leave when I’ve got you around to drive me crazy?”
you grin, making a point of ignoring the way her words make your heart flutter. “lucky, lucky you!”
“don’t i know it?” she says, rolling her eyes, but her smile lingers, softer now.
the silence settles again, this time heavier with the book no longer her only focus. you don’t notice but lucy’s eyes keep darting your way, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of the paper.
she’s fighting a battle in her head. one she’s been losing for weeks, maybe months.
lucy’s been told, more than once and by multiple sources, that making out with your cousin, for example, is normal. perhaps expected, even, just to have some sort experience secured.
but wanting you? her best friend ever since she can remember? that’s something different. something that makes her palms sweat and her stomach twist in ways she can’t explain whenever she tries to picture it.
“hey,” you say suddenly, pulling her out of her spiral. “are you okay?”
“yeah,” she says quickly, her voice too bright. “why wouldn’t i be?”
“you’re fidgeting,” you point out, reaching to still her hand.
the touch is light, casual even. something you’ve done a hundred times before. but it feels different now, with pictures of your lips on hers flashing through her mind. lucy knows it’s not your fault. it’s hers. it’s always hers.
“i’m fine,” she insists, pulling her hand away and crossing her arms. “just…tired, i suppose,”
you don’t look convinced, but you let it go, lying back down and turning your attention to the book. lucy stays sitting up, her eyes on you instead of the page.
she shifts awkwardly, trying not to fidget again. you've started having that effect on her, and it's driving her crazy.
“you know,” you say suddenly as if you'd been reading her mind. “people in the vault are always talking about how it's normal to…y'know, experiment?”
lucy's head jerks toward you so quickly it's a miracle she doesn't pull a muscle.
“experiment?”
“yeah," you hum. “like...with other people…everyone says it's no big deal. ‘limited options,' and all that!”
she swallows hard, her palms suddenly clammy again. “uh...sure,” she says, trying to sound disinterested. “i mean, that's just how it is, right? have to keep the gene pool going or whatever,”
now it’s your turn to snort. “i'm not talking about marriage and babies, lucy. i mean..." you trail off. “practice.”
“practice?” she echoes, her voice an octave too high, the words catching in her throat.
“for when we do get married someday,” you clarify, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. there's a pause before you quickly add: “not to each other, obviously,”
lucy feels like her brain is short-circuiting all over again. you can't just say things like that and expect her to function like a normal person. “right….gee, of course not to each other!” she parrots.
you sit up fully now, visibly excited. “but think about it! vault life does mean limited options, right? most people are already making out with their cousins to 'prepare for marriage!” you pull a face, the very idea making you wrinkle your nose in distaste.. “at least this way, we're...helping each other out. as friends!” “as friends,” lucy repeats, as if saying it out loud will make it true. “you…you’re serious?” her voice wavers, and it’s humiliating. god, why couldn’t she just sound normal?
“why not?” you shrug. “it's not like it has to mean anything!”
she wants to tell you it already does. that it's meant something to her for as long as she can remember. that it could never not, when it’s with you.
but instead, she stammers, “i- i don't think-“
“oh, come on!” you tease, your grin widening. “what? are you scared?”
that does it. lucy always had a stubborn streak, and you’ve learned exactly how to poke it.
“i'm not scared,” she insists, sitting up straighter.
“then prove it!”
lucy freezes. the air between you charged with something she doesn’t quite know how to name. every ounce of logic in her brain is screaming bad idea, but it’s drowned out by the overwhelming desire to close the space between you. just this once. ust for the sake of practice.
“this is...for practice,” she says finally, the words shaky, as if she’s reminding herself more than you.
“exactly.” your voice is soft now, steady. reassuring.
she hesitates for a heartbeat longer, her eyes searching yours for any sign that this is some cruel joke, a trap, a mistake. but all she sees is you: familiar and warm and impossibly close. before she can talk herself out of it, lucy leans in.
the kiss is tentative at first, her lips brushing yours with a softness that surprises even her. it’s careful, until you don’t pull away. when you lean into her instead, it deepens. the warmth of your mouth sends a jolt through her entire body, a shiver that starts at the base of her spine and works its way up.
her hands hover uncertainly in the air before finding your shoulders and holding on for dear life. lucy senses you smiling against her lips, and feeling the curve of your mouth against her own sends her poor heart stumbling in her chest. stumbling, then falling. falling deeper than it ever has before.
your lips taste like the chapstick she applied on them earlier, reasoning that they’d been looking a little too dry when -in reality- all she wanted was an excuse to get to see you from up close.
now, that same gloss smears against lucy’s own, leaving the faint taste of cherry in her mouth. she wants to taste of cherry everywhere, overcome with an unexplainable urge to drown in the flavor altogether: a sweet trail drawn slowly along the zipper of her vault jumpsuit. perhaps even lower, after, so that when you’ll come back up to lucy’s mouth, you’ll taste of her instead of cherries and she’ll get a taste of that, too.
when you are the one to pull back first, heat rushes to her cheeks. you're both breathing a little harder, the space between you buzzing with something electric.
“well,” you begin, your tongue darting out to wet those lips. lucy finds herself watching, mesmerized. “that wasn't so bad, was it?”
her heart is pounding so loudly she's sure you can hear it from where you’re sitting. “uh...no. not bad!”
you grin, leaning back on your hands like nothing monumental just happened.
“we're definitely ready for marriage now,” you conclude, teasing.
later that night, after she’s made sure that the doors to her room are locked, lucy slumps down into the comfort of her bed.
her pillow is still crumpled where you sat earlier.
when lucy presses it between her legs, her face in the bedsheets to stifle her sighs, she smells cherries.
the door to lucy’s quarters hisses shut behind you.
lucy stumbles backward, her lips already pressed to yours, her hands fumbling against the curve of your waist to steady herself. the room feels smaller than usual, the bed barely a few feet away.
“just…practice…” she murmurs between kisses, her voice breathless and a little shaky.
“exactly,” you whisper back, your lips brushing hers again before moving to her jaw.
lucy hums in agreement, though the way her hands tighten on your waist as your lips find her neck suggests she’s not really thinking about marriage prep, potential husbands, or the repopulation anymore.
after that first kiss, something shifted between you. something neither of you could explain but could not resist either. what once was supposed to be casual, a vault-sanctioned form of bonding, a way to keep things ‘normal’ in an environment that was anything but had turned into something way more the moment your lips touched hers that night in her quarters. ‘normal’ went out the window then.
it’s become a familiar pattern over the last few weeks: a fleeting glance across the cafeteria, a brush of hands in the halls, a whispered promise to meet later when no one’s around.
not that you ever talked about it. with all the rules in vault 33, the unspoken one between you both was the most important of all: keep it light, keep it safe. you never pushed further than kisses, never ventured beyond the safety of your blue and yellow vault suits. anything else would be too much, too real.
still, it didn’t matter how many rules you set for yourselves; staying away wasn’t an option. not anymore.
lucy’s back hits the edge of the bed, and she lets out a quiet laugh, her cheeks flushed. “we’re getting really good at this,” she teases.
you grin, leaning down to press another kiss to her lips. “we’re dedicated to the craft,”
her laugh softens into a sigh as you pull back slightly and she can’t chase your mouth with hers, your foreheads touching.
“this isn’t weird, right?” she asks suddenly, her voice quieter now.
you tilt your head, brushing your nose against hers and drawing another chuckle from her. “weird?”
“yeah.” lucy swallows. “i mean, we’re best friends. and we’re…”
“practicing,” you finish for her.
“right,” she nods quickly. “practicing!”
you don’t say what you’re both thinking: that this doesn’t feel like what it was supposed to be. that it never did, to begin with.
instead, you kiss her again, slow and deliberate, letting the moment stretch. lucy’s hands finally settle on your waist, pulling you closer as her nerves melt away.
all these weeks of making out under the disguise of practicing for a hypothetical marriage neither of you had ever shown any interest in had been good already. great, even. better than anything else you’ve ever known. which truthfully isn’t that much, but it still counts for something that you’re more than willing for lucy to be your first.
the only inconvenience to your little escapades would come later, after sneaking out of her room: the shameful feeling of your arousal, a stubborn reminder that you could not truly be casual about any of this.
still, leaving lucy’s quarters with your wetness pooling between your legs uncomfortably would always be worth having the little of her that you'd been granted.
perhaps one day, it would actually feel like enough. until then, you'll continue with the familiar pattern you've both fallen into. you'll let her touch you through the way too restrictive fabric and say a little prayer that, one of these days, she will go straight for the zipper instead.
#˙💌 ̟ !! ─ my works#lucy maclean#lucy maclean x reader#lucy maclean x female reader#lucy maclean x fem!reader#lucy maclean x you#fallout#🦴 anon
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Might be pretty puritan of me but i cannot bring myself to watch GOT completely by the absurd quantity of sex that there is in the show. I know that the books also have sex but idk It feels like if George actually wants to tell us something trough It and the one in GOT is just there to bait people in because sex sells.
YES like there’s no deeper meaning to like, bronn telling the rains of castamere story with a naked woman in his lap, they just did it that way bc they needed to fit their tiddy quota. and it doesn’t help that the sex scenes in got are kinda notoriously terrible to film & they also weren’t optional for women. they told sophie turner they were giving her a love story & then she got the scripts & she’s marrying ramsay & she’s said (and walked back in a suspicious way) that it was very traumatizing to shoot those scenes. it’s p common knowledge that esme bianco was not fond of being naked all the time. there’s very infamously a moment where the rape scenes w dany & drogo were so badly done that jason momoa had to yell “can someone get her a fucking robe” bc they just like. made emilia chill out naked when they called cut! it’s very difficult to get excited about like, the gendrya sex scene later on for example bc it’s like. did maisie feel pressured into this? it’s not like it’s uncommon! ya carice van houten is very sexy but if she at any point ever said “can i do this scene with my top on” would they have fired & replaced her like they did to the myrcella actress?
and it’s not even to say that george doesn’t have his own hang ups, but cersei isn’t just doing girl in girl to be titillating, there IS a reason for it! ya the way george describes the sex scenes like drogo/dany or the twincest sept sex is maybe kind of weird but there's a point to all of it, he follows those threads in a way the show really doesn't like to. like yeah of course part of jaime and cersei's divorce is jaime showing up and being um, incredibly pushy and rapey next to the dead body of their son, that's how those two use sex with each other, as a weapon, as a way to ignore their real issues, and jaime does it because he's upset about his hand and his attraction to brienne and the resurfacing of his feelings about being a knight and he's taking it out on cersei, while cersei lets it happen because she's grieving, because this is how sex is for her, its someone taking and her being forced to let them, at least with jaime it doesn't hurt. in the show they just like. basically just have him get mad and rape her and then never address it again. she kisses his stump. even when they adapt the stuff that's in the book, they strip it of all the context until it's just another rapey sexy topless scene.
it definitely doesn't help when we have hotd to compare either - yeah obviously they were really pushing the "look we had full frontal male" stuff (because sex sells) but aemond and sylvi and aegon are all Doing Something in that scene! they're not just talking shop at a brothel so we can have some sexy ladies in the back like decorations, like varys and littlefinger and bronn and tyrion are constantly doing.
#not to always bring it back to spartacus (everyone should watch spartacus tho) but that was a show that REALLY#just had random tiddies on the screen but they were tiddies with MEANING.#can u imagine alicent and viserys with d&d. oh my god.#asks#maegorsbignaturals
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Oh jeez that reminds me of the time in 4th grade when our class read a book, I think it was Something Upstairs.
We were going around taking turns reading it and Idk if our teacher forgot or what, but there was a scene where one of the characters said the n-word.
The girl reading always put a lot of effort into reading stuff dramatically (and like, sounding angry if a character was yelling) so she just yelled out the n-word and everyone in class when silent. She was also sitting right next to one of the Black girls in our class. 😭
I know teachers can't remember everything but you'd think she would have put a note somewhere like "Yeah this book has a slur in it, don't use this one for group reading time."
Oh NOOOOOO the way I just jumped reading this 🤣🤣 oh poor girl. Yikes!! So she just... Wow... That's some nightmare shit lmao the L is insane! But that really is on the teacher. Oh wow. So how'd that get handled? Did she say sorry? Or did we all just go quiet and continue?
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cant stop thinkin bout charles and erik readin together on the couch but instead of reading with him charles is listening to eriks thoughts while he reads. Live mind commentary ……..
#xmen#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#snap chats#the rare time i post an idea of mine only because i really cant think of a way id draw this#usually i hoard my ideas cause i like surprising you guys but this aint really one i feel like drawing so. For You my friends#like i COULD but. idk just isnt particularly something im itching to draw it just seems cute#but anyways no chat let me cook alright hear me out cause i talk in my brain all the time while i read#sometimes i stop reading just to think about a bit i read yeah#i want charles to listen in on all of eriks side comments or observations he makes while reading something#like if he wanted to charles could read the whole book in less than five minutes- maybe shorter than that#and that aint fun that aint cool …. so time for Audible: Husband Edition. With Commentary#ITD BE SO COZY just hangin out by the fireplace …. maybe its snowin outisde … if snow even exists anymore atp#a light fire cracklin and the study SEEMS totally quiet otherwise and yet…..#charles has been locked in to erik’s off-the-cuff literary analysis and mild comments for the past twenty minutes. its simple but its bliss#charles doesnt have to worry about being seen as invasive .. he doesnt have to suppress his powers …#the rare occasion erik lets charles into his mind for somethin so innocent .. ive made myself sick i fear#see now i wanna try writing a fic but 1.) have written in years 2.) id have to really think hard on how erik would commentate on a book#hm…… actually i do wonder what erik’s commentary on The Fable of the Bees would be …..#IN ANY CASE. maybe - at the very least- i can draw cherik by the fireplce someday ….#thatd be cute … hm …. depends on if i get in the mood for it down the line#anyways i have to drive back to my dorm !!! boo !!!! so good night everyone !!!!!
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But unlike you, who gave up on your wish, and almost destroyed the world in the process...
I gave up on my wish, and destroyed myself.
#in stars and time#isat#isat comic#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat loop#mine#isat au#kinda#isat two hats#isat two hats spoilers#ok warnings...#how do you warn for self-inflicted amnesia#self harm cw#suicide kind of??#uhhh. yeah idk what else to include#and i gotta leave for the airport in like 5hrs and i'm hoping at least three of those i can be asleep so. here#rushed but it wasn't getting done if i didn't rush it#that dialogue just fucks w me#in a world where wishes can legit be a form of magic... it's a pretty significant choice of words#for loop especially#the design is similar to the one i posted before but w a few differences#since they're not tryna differentiate themself from siffrin as much and they're not putting as much effort into their appearance#so hair is still messy and they have gloves bc it's still the best way to keep from biting their nails#the favor tree near this town is a cypress. idk if favor trees can be evergreens but that's my justification for their name#oh and they work at a library bc the librarian took them in#after she like. found them under the favor tree with that book and nothing else#i was gonna say that in the comic but then it was ten pages and i was out of time#i hope it still makes sense with all the exposition i cut lol
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@fenglianweek day 6: memories/growing up
the best thing thats ever been mine
#tgcf#xie lian#feng xin#fenglian#fenglianweek24#my art#full color#I SPENT SOOO LONG ON THIS ONE... like not long for me. fast for me! but compared to the other ones ive done for flw. long.#this has been a few weeks of work and im very happy with how it turned out! tried to be thoughtful about how i approached the colors#and i think it really paid off! theres SO MANY COLORS in the pants im so proud of all the fabric in this...#that white fabric has so. many colors. it makes me super happy#also some of the fallen petals make hearts. btw >:o)#idk if they translate well but feng xin has top surgery scars!!! theyre both trans but xie lian is a cultivator so. he just uses magic#i KNOW when he first learned transformation magic he like BOOKED IT to feng xin to show him like 'LOOK. FLAT!!!'#and little teenxin was like 'ummm 😳 yeah. flat'#ANYWAY!!! idk if they actually look like teens here... hopefully yes. xie lian does to me at least???#or at least he looks different from how i draw him as an 800smthng year old lol. but still like himself i think!!! i hope...#whatever. point is. do you remember we were sitting there by the water. you put your arm around me for the first time. you made a rebel of#the tags cut me off there. thats a good thing. IF YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW.#did you guys know i have headcanons about the type of tswift fans mu qing and xie lian would be. well now you know. I Have Thoughts#OKAY THATS ENOUGH TAGS I NEED TO ACTUALLY POST THIS. ILY MUAH TTYL
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ALSO I am learning how to teach very introverted students, something my natural skillset as a teacher does not help me with.
#one of my greatest tools in the toolkit of my teaching (imo) is that I am unpredictable#I will turn on a dime and I’ll share a thought from the depths of my soul or back of the pantry of my random opinions#that will make them laugh or hook them and they want to hear more#with a group of introverted students maybe they love to see it maybe they don’t but it doesn’t work for them to become engaged#they get so quiet and so still#and not in the good way that kind of happens but kind of just in the scared mouse kind of way#BUT. this past week I kind of had a breakthrough#I totally wasn’t planning on it but the moment was right so I talked to them about them being quiet and introverted (gently teasing them)!#and then I said ‘but do you like it when I just stand here and talk about the book’ and they were like ‘yeah! kind of the pressure is off’#and then I said ‘oh! that’s good to know. because when you’re quiet it makes me feel like you hate me’#(not realizing until I said it that that was the heart of the issue)#and they laughed in surprise (i didn’t say it in a way where I was putting that burden on them in a serious way)#and then I said ‘yeah last night I went home like ‘omg was that a stupid thing to say about Frank Churchill?? no one responded’#and then they kind of shriek-laughed at me and they were like noooooo#and then they said what if we gave you a thumbs up when you were done so you know we don’t hate you#and I said that would be great#and THEN a few days later I gave them an agenda for our discussion written out on the board#where I talked and they listened (I called it discussion with myself) and then they had questions to ponder and things to talk about#with each other. and a lot of time. and THEN I cold called them (they won’t volunteer)#but by that time they were so much more relaxed and they knew what we were doing#so they talked more! and it was so goooood#ALSO idk if it was them#or me who had changed but by the time I got to lecturing at them again#I could feel the quiet warmth that I could not before#(the absence of which is what makes speaking publicly instantly a torture to me l o l)#and it helped so much! like. they didn’t say much (some of them did the thumbs up)#but I had cleared the expectations for them and for me tbh and it helped. I was not waiting for a response from them so in fact I got more#of one. and best of all I could feel them feeling both the warmth and the power of Emma a little bit more#it is starting to click. anyway this is so much but y eah#I’ve been wrestling with this problem a l l year. cracking it in December lol
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Forgot to post this here butttt
Working on a welcome home animation and mighttttt take me a while
#the idea is just wally getting the barnaby plush and thats kinda it#i did plan this before when i ordered the wally plush (sep 8 2023) but didnt have the motivation and stuff for it#its inspired by the image of wally peaking out of homes side window with the text below “there he is!” not sure if its wally saying it#either wally noticed someone or someone noticed him but anyway#i saw that image and was thinking to make an animation of it instead of the “there he is!” text its going to say “he's here.”#i also realized i might need to voice that only line or even make sounds for the background😭#i already was close to finishing background 2 (where eddie will be seen walking to wallys house) but my tablet died#grrrrrr#also unrelated but i wrote in my book todayyy (i never write at all) but hey its kinda fun to write my ideas huahahahaah#i plan on doing some research on welcome home and write it down (maybe even some theories hmm??) also doing research on the characters#just to try to get to know them more (cuz i have been crazy for them for AGES and still feel like i haven't done enough)#oh yeah CALL ME CRAZYYY butttt since the irl world sucks i plan on making little writings like im IN welcome home just because idk#more explaining and better ones on my tiktok vid description (user in my bio)#also i feel like things might be getting better for me cuz wowie i never thought id be animating again#but now all this motivation...so many ideas appearing...need to focus on one at a time...darn#HEY! 12 days till a break from the evil cell of educational purposes??? (school) FINALLY PURE HEAVEN I CAN BE FREE WITHOUT SUFFERING#welcome home#partycoffin#wally darling#welcome home arg#welcome home fanart#welcome home wally#7 backgrounds left to do...then ill have to animate...oh evilllll so evillll
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I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...
Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner
*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)
And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -
TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows
This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).
So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.
Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.
Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.
Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).
But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).
In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.
Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.
Now, doing the same thing for movies-
Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)
That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).
116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.
So, a for broader summary stuff..
I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.
If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.
ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.
I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0
#maybe this is my version of spotify wrapped lol.. Lifetime Media Google Doc Wrapped.. kind of.. except I'm not going over specific titles.#I can't do this with music since I rarely EVER look for new music or add to my Youtube To MP3 folder library as I just don't really#listen to music that often. When I'm working (the majority of when I seek background noise) I need like.. people's talking voices#for some reason. Just instruments and singing are not distracting enough to me to work as background noise because theyre#almost TOO in the background if that makes sense? like if I put music on then I just tune it out and it's virtually no different#than if I were daydreaming stream of consciousness thoughts in an entirely quiet room lol. And I can't really do it with books since#essentially 100% of what I read is non-fiction. usually about some specific subject or academic topic OR stuff like#1800s magazines or cookbooks or historical people's diaries. Which is not really.. the type of thing I would#rank as easily I guess? like 'ooh yeah putting the sociology textbook in my top 5 hee hee right next to the 1920s radio recipes book' lol.#Then for games... I just sadly dont play enough of them. I've been banned from new games as I've told myself I cant play anyting#long form (no rpgs or etc) until I actually finish MY OWN game first - to keep me from wasting time. so on average#I play... 0 new games a year. ToT... I do play the sims sometimes but that's really all (which is not a new game at all since#I've been playing it on and off for years). Thus I guess movies/TV are really the only things that make sense#to collect this sort of information on. I could do youtube videos I guess also but that seems kind of strange like...#giving a rating to every single video I watch in a ranked list lol.. Especially since I would say a good 85% of the time#they are exclusively background noise whilst I'm working on something or cleaning the house or etc. and not things I pay serious attention#to. There are only a few specific topics/types/creators of videos I watch where I'm ACTUALLY sitting in front of a screen paying#direct attention to the content (usually when it's educational or political things). Everything else is too mindless to even rank.#ANYWAY... ever analyzing my little hermit Weird Relationship To Media (in the sense of seemingly not processing or getting the same#things out of it as many other seem to). I think that can contribute sometimes to the whole difficulty socializing and stuff#since our culture is very centered around media consumption generally speaking. People want to talk about The New Movie that came#out or The Big TV Show Of The Year. and for me it's like.. highly likely I just plain have NOT seen it. Or if i have. statistically#I most likely was entirely ambivalent if not slightly negative towards it lol. Which just kind of takes the steam out of a 'fun' 'casual'#conversation and you seem like a bit of a bummer if most of your only feedback is either 'idk what that is' or 'oh yea... i did#see that one.... i didnt like it all that much though... I think it'd be better with elves in it.. and 7 hours longer..'' lol..#Which I am not disliking things in a 'grr i hate it bc its popular'/just to be contrarian way. I actually dislike that mindset/find it#silly (by striving so hard to be counterculture you are thus still defining yourself by the whims of external culture - just in the#opposite direction. but are still just as preoccupied with the mainstream (going against it) as everyone else. etc. lol..)) In my#case I think it IS just having niche hyperspecific tastes.. for example- it peeves me when cell phones are in media bc I dont want to be#reminded at ALL of the real world. so.. cross off anything set in modern times. so on & etc. Judging all things by these weird criteria lol
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casey is obvs funny with this rivalry stuff because on the one hand he's very 'well I don't care who I beat' (lie) and 'I don't motivate myself using my rivals' (also a lie) and then he's also repeatedly emphasising that valentino was ONE of his biggest rivals and he only competed against him a few years... like a lil side quest in the story of his career. Those Few Years where valentino was his big rival. whereas dani and jorge were his cohort so he did compete with them for a greater span of time... and this is technically true and does MATTER but it is also extremely noticeable in his output which rivalry he has the most thoughts about. and yes casey would say that this is because everyone ELSE cares the most about That One Rivalry the most and also his opponent being an annoying dickhead means it's the one he has the most complaints about... but at a certain point, it doesn't really matter, because there's still one rivalry you're talking about way more than any other. you can tell that he's at least given jorge's interiority a bit of thought, kinda went 'well he was arrogant but also Learnt From The Error Of His Ways and was maybe misunderstood so' -- but also he's not going beyond that, he's not examining jorge's soul, and he's not even doing any of that with dani. it's very much a rhetorical commitment to those other two rivalries. ultimately the point is that he's doing what he can to not talk up his biggest rivalry TOO much, because, you see. he Did Not Care That Much. (lie.) now objectively speaking this kind of framing literally does not matter, who cares which one of these was the most meaningful rivalry, but it's interesting that it matters to him!! casey's problem is that he is extremely sensitive and cares deeply about what other people say about him, but one of the things he's most sensitive about is the idea that he could let himself be mentally affected by ANYTHING, worst of all his rivals. they cannot be granted that much power over him. and all of this has kinda funny consequences in that he has pretty rigid patterns in how he talks about this stuff that are at times quite convoluted because he has to simultaneously emphasise that a) none of his rivals massively mattered to him, b) That Rival didn't matter more than the others, c) what That Rival did to him was completely beyond the pale, and d) none of that affected him mentally whatsoever. at most one of these is true. there are so many things casey wants so badly not to care about but it keeps spilling out of him anyway, this oozing sludge of resentment and repressed hopes and desires and frustration and longing and bitterness. he keeps giving himself away... he cares so much and he can't stand it
#i do feel bad sometimes using a clip from when he was like. eighteen as my smoking gun piece of evidence for the prosecution#but come on. that valencia 2003 clip is insanely telling. like yeah right you loved beating a guy sponsored by the circuit#it's kinda like dyke!vale tormenting his first gp rival into throwing in the towel. those are the Key Character Traits they're exhibiting#//#brr brr#heretic tag#i do also think there's some interviews where there's like. some real retconning. like casey that was Not You#that one interview where he was going in HARD about how jorge/dani were confused about how happy he was for them winning#and like casey buddy there's an element of truth to but you could be a notoriously sore loser!! mr 'a podium this far off isn't worth it'#and it's partly stuff he's talked about before with how self-critical he was... but of COURSE it could come across as unpleasant#i am doing my best not to get repetitive so this is the LAST time i am airing this complaint for a couple months at least#but the problem is if you have the starting point of him as like. a straight talking straight shooter or whatever#you do automatically miss a lot of the nuance with which he's constructing his own image#it's honesty based on vibes rather than literal honesty. u can be blunt and calculating idk what to tell u#im so fascinated if the jorge wheelchair story is true... i recently remembered it was also in the broadbent book#and that ducati pr people had like. gotten mad about it. which does fill one or two gaps and makes me think maybe it DID happen#idk there's something quite revealing about it!! casey isn't just a dickhead in the classic athlete mould. he's got a *nastiness* to him#all the aliens are occupational dickheads. only two of them i'd say have a real inclination towards nastiness
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SEVEN DAYS IN JUNE , TIA WILLIAMS .
#seven days in june#tia williams#bookblr#bookedit#fancast#nafessa williams#kendrick sampson#one of the all time books for me idk like ....... yeah .......#they're my people my folks my rod
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people (the rest of the hanza. not including geralt) often forget that cahir was 1. the guy that kidnapped ciri 2. an officer in the military
he’s literally so polite in geralt’s company you wouldn’t even guess he was the black knight. and yet. and yet.
i’m never certain exactly how to reconcile this tactful and strategic mind with the terrified young man
#geralt never forgot but everyone else (maybe also except dandelion) was like ?? but ?? friend ?? friendship????#i imagine him barking an order to dandelion once and dandelion straightened up and obeyed#opposite of when cahir was looking over dandelions shoulder lol#maybe joke but#in my idea where angouleme goes missing . geralt is like. what do you think we should do#cahir’s like why me. geralt’s like. well. she’s ciri-shaped#milva enacting clemency for cahir after geralt chases regis away is fantastic#regis saved you from the noose and you’ve chased him away. thats your business. but but cahir saved me. so we’re comrades >:(#geralt seething he’s going to kill him and then like nooo i can’t kill him idk why …#when cahir joined the rivian forces 😭😭 because he in no way resembled a civilian#each of the company members have insane backstories they really are the PCs of the d&d campaign#and angouleme is the one npc they pick up and adopt into the company and defend to the end#so we’re looking for this guy’s daughter he’s bound to her by destiny#this guy kidnapped said daughter but he said sorry for it later#milva worked with dryads to kill people and regis is a vampire that drank people#and this guy is famous like beyoncé#angouleme: [sniffs] ‘kay#the elbow-high diaries#i need her to keep regis humble bc regis is like dont worry i dont bite people 🥹 and shes like yeah ok dont care either way#geralt is like oh hell do not explain to her all of this again. we spent too much time on this already last book#you know you are the reason we have three stars on goodreads#regis like i know… 🙂 if i wasn’t here you’d snag us zero…
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Ok game time which 3 series would you just DIE to get a run on ? I'm talking full creative control, can be as a writer or an artist + plotter if that suits your vibe best
My 3 are
Suicide Squad
Wonder Woman
Green Lantern Corps/Green Lanterns
(in that order)
#last one may wiggle around but i think thats mostly it. others i would want to do but if were talking full runs then this would be my picks#there are other things id ofc want to do though. a wonder girl (cassie) mini in addition to the ww run probably some superman stuff too#although idk him as well i do love him. maybe a mini there or even a prestige format book if i go crazy#would love to do a quick something with cass cain too ofc (me and the rest of this site lol). could probably figure out a plot to smth#longer if i thought abt it but would love to guest write a standalone issue or two for an ongoing of hers#what else would i want to do.... the sui sq and wondy are rlly the big ones bc ive thought abt that the most. glc ive thought about too but#to a bit less of an extent. ooh there was that bleez mini i plotted out during lunch once last year. think i had some sketches laying around#for that too.#who else would i do.... those are rlly the main ones atm. books i would write vs books i would read are definitely different though. there#are some pitches i would throw out but wouldnt know how to write at all i just know it could be done good somehow. like ik nothing abt#aquaman but i think its possible a wonder woman/aquaman story could slap#OR NO A WONDER WOMAN & SUPERMAN ONE I WAS JUST TALKING ABT THAT. dont call it that though ofc they should get a duo name in the same vein as#world's finest. and ofc 72848274 issues of bro time. anyways <33333333#also a not abt the rankings sui sq is higher than wondy which may seem crazy from a wondy blogger but 1. i do love them and 2. they need me#so much more. this subject is such an egofest for me bc ofc i think i could do everything perfect but like they need a good run soooooo bad#whereas id LOVE to do wondy but ik they would survive without me. anyways yeah <3#anyways on a totally unrelated not at all adjacent topic.... my askbox is always open btw 😘#also idk if my green lantern corps book would be called glc. may just hit the green lanterns vol. 2 bc who is stopping me really
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i love madoka magica however i dont think we as a fandom talk enough about how tragic madoka herself is. probably because the narrative itself steers you away from thinking about her personally. shes not a character shes a desire that homura has, shes a force of good, shes homura's foil. but those are all madoka's narrative roles but madoka herself as a person is not really looked at because we are viewing this world from an unreliable narrator(homura) who only sees madoka as those things. The best thing homura could have done for madoka was give up on her, to let her go. because every time we go back in time the image of madoka is distorted, she loses more of herself every regression of homura's as she tries harder and harder to save her. We don't even know what madoka originally wished for to become a magical girl in the original timeline. and she actually acts quite differently than the madoka we meet. shes a lot more honest and caring and bold. by the time homura's has reached the actual anime madoka has been reduced by the sands of time to a figment of herself. she has no wants or desires of her own beyond wanting to do good and help her friends and when all her humanity is stripped away is when she finally acends to godhood because thats all thats left of her. an ideal and a faith in her. madoka kaname died a long time ago and all that is left is her ghost.
#of course homura doesnt care anymore because she cant go back she can only go forward cuz if she gives up she killed madoka for nothing#she could have left her pass away with dignity but now shes a ghost stuck in a web of time and the only thing she can do is keep trying#to save her#i feel like inately homura knows this but she doesnt want to admit to herself thats shes the real one who killed madoka kaname#this is a very charitable reading of homura#homura died too but its a clear moment because homura is our narrator#homura akemi will never come back madoka kaname will never come back#but life goes on anyway for homura#heres my truth#i loved rebellion but im actually a bigger fan of the original anime's ending so im glad it seems like red ribbon homu is coming back#i thought that ending was a lot more hopeful and beautiful and rebellion was kind of a downer but i always accepted they were parallel#and seems im right based on posters#for walpurgis#madoka uses one of my favorite literary devices which is the underuse of a character#i dont know whats it called but i love it when they dont outright develop a character usually to signal an upholding of the status quo#i already explained how madoka is not shown as a character but they do this in princess tutu too with mytho#mytho is a character from a book hes not real in the way that the others are and therefore cant actually change like the others can#hes always the focus of others and never the one thinking of others#i mean yeah he spends like the whole anime thinking about tutu but thats PART of his book its not him as a person#anyway ive been talking too much but i wanna bring up my favorite subtle use of this in takopi's original sin#the boy#idk his name rn lmao#hes straight up not present for the bulk of the manga and hes legit just absent from the ending scene despite being one point of a triangle#at first that weirded me out like??? he doesnt get closure???#but the reason was he didnt need it#the focus and moral is that those girls were 'weird' unable to be normal (because of trauma) and their closure was theyre at least together#but he doesnt need that because hes already normal hes the status quo a benchmark for the reader for the reader to judge the characters off#and the characters to judge eachother off of#anyway anyway sorry this has been so long#i had to get all of that out of me
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I just finished Skypeia AGHHHFJHHHH it was so GOOD
#One Piece#My favorite arc BY FAR#It was really long! But it wasn’t Alabasta long!!#Also Noland’s backstory deadass made me tear up that shit was so sad#Idk this arc just really kept me hooked. Like there wasn’t really a point I got super bored#Even with all the fights going on#Also just realizing they mentioned Noland in OPLA too. Nami read Zoro the book while he was totally conked out#Anyway ANYWAY I really enjoyed it. Lots of fun character interactions#And Usopp actually getting to do stuff too?? MY MANS#Oh and Zoro’s look this arc. God he was STYLIN. I’m so weak for a man in goggles shut up.#Logically that should apply to Usopp too and you know what. Yeah.#G8 is next and I know it’s filler but I’ve heard nothing but praise for it#So I’ll probably watch it instead of skipping :’D#Shima speaks#Also I find it stupidly ridiculous and funny that YET AGAIN Oda said ‘Lol you thought x character was dead?? SIKE’#Wiper got electrocuted and died like eight times but he’s fine actually. Also Sanji and Usopp got electrocuted too and were out#for like a full day. And then Enel zapped them AGAIN and Usopp was back on his feet like two minutes later.#Silly anime logic. It doesn’t make sense and I love it
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2024 reads / storygraph
Raven Stratagem + Revenant Gun
books 2 & 3 in a military-political sci-fi trilogy
space empire setting where reality & technology relies on an enforced cultural belief and calendar system
the ghost general taken over Cheris’ body and gone rogue, the rest of the hexarcate is trying to assassinate them while they try to change the oppressive systems of the hexarchate
I don’t know how else to explain things in here without spoilers (if I even could explain..)
#raven strategem#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#it’s been 3 years since I read the first one so I had definitely forgot some finer details#ngl. i dont really follow all of the military strategy stuff but like. yeah i believe you somethings going on here#book 3 I definitely vibed with more; I felt like I actually understood everything that was going on lol#(idk how much of that is the book itself and how much just the break between 1& 2?)#definitely missed Cheris; and missed the Cheris/Jedao dynamic...#I feel like there could have been a bit more of her even in book 3#loved learning more about the moth drives and servitors and stuff. tbh I could have had more of that#obsessed with Hemiola. you give me a bot that makes AMVs of its shows of course it’s going to be my favourite#I don't have much coherent to say but this series is def interesting im glad i finally got to these!#great characters; fun at times (even if very heavy at other times)#also I appreciate how very queer and trans it all is
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