#one of mine ripped real bad so i had to throw it away and literally two weeks later i woke up in the morning and immediately | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

binniedeactivated · 4 years ago

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𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 ↺ || 𝐡.𝐤.

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 | 𝐡𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐤𝐚𝐢 𝐱 𝐦𝐢𝐱𝐞𝐝!𝐩𝐨𝐜 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄 | 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞!𝐚𝐮 , "𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫" 𝐚𝐮.

𝐖/𝐂 | 15.389k

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 | (𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞 "𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫") 𝐮𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐚𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞'𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭. 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬, 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐥, 𝐡𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐤𝐚𝐢.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 | 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬.

a/n; i miss making legit fics for yall ;(((((( and I feel bad because I haven’t been writing as much as I should I’m so so sorry <3

“so what are you? sophomore? freshman?”. bria asks, stuffing her foot into her platformed converse. gabrielle nods, folding a shirt and inserting it into her drawer. “wow I wasn’t expecting them to give me a freshman for a roommate”. she scoffs kind of smug. “is that a problem?”. gabrielle speaks up, pushing a puffy curly strand of hair over to the other side of her head. bria only grinned and shook her head no. “nah. that just means I have a lot to teach you”.

“teach me?”.

“yeah”, bria agrees, in the mirror coating her lips with gloss. bria was a dark skinned five foot eight beauty. if gabrielle didn’t know any better she’d mistake her for a model almost. she had gorgeous curly afro hair, similar to that of a lion’s mane. gabrielle hadn’t saw much of her wardrobe yet but just by the edgy outfit she was already wearing she could tell that her style was to die for. her lips were thick and full and complimented her cat-like eyes well. gabrielle thought maybe she could pick up a few tips from her, especially with makeup. it was so perfect she could feel herself shrinking into her own insecurities. she thought she was pretty decent looking but no where near bria's level. gabrielle herself had honey brown skin, big brown curly hair with lots of volume. heart shaped lips. large brown wistful eyes with clear glasses frames worn over them. she was sort of chubby. her physique wasn't something she saw as a win in her eyes. her chest was average sized and her ass was there yet barely visible. and her waist definitely wasn't as snatched as bria's. but still, if she was going to be in college amongst those who looked different from her she had to try and gain some type of confidence about herself.

“what is there to teach me?”.

bria scoffs again, screwing the cap back onto her gloss. “you don’t want to know what it’s like to live the life here? trust me girl I’m almost a senior I can teach you a few things”.

“like what? if you’re talking about partying and all that I’m going to have to pass. I just got here and I don’t want to be running into trouble”.

“girl how is partying going to get you in trouble? you’re grown now. you don’t have you parents watching over you anymore. you can be free and do what you want to do”.

gabrielle grabs another shirt. “yeah but suppose one of ya’ll do some illegal shit? and then what? I can’t tell the cops that I wasn’t involved because I’m just a freshman. I’m going to jail right with ya’ll”.

bria tilts her head back and laughs. “you’re a trip if you think we ever do illegal shit and get caught”.

gabrielle shuts her drawer, moving another box across the room to her desk. “yeah well, I don’t want to be involved anyway. even the risk is too much. plus I don’t know how my boyfriend is going to feel about me out partying with other guys and shit”.

bria made a tsk noise with her lips prior to walking to her closet for her collection of purses. “you really came to college with a boyfriend? just how dumb are you?”.

“what? what’s wrong with having a boyfriend?”.

“girl do I even have to ask? look at you. you’re already uptight. you don’t want to party, you’re worried about what he might think. he already has you right where he wants you. living a boring life like him”.

gabrielle shifts her weight on her feet. “he doesn’t--live a boring life. he’s just protective”.

“tsk. that’s what he told you?”.

“well yeah--”.

“how old is your little boyfriend?”.

“he’s seventeen”.

bria tilts her head back and does that laugh again. the one that made gabrielle seem out out of place. mostly because she didn’t know what was funny to begin with. “yeah he’s young he’s still a senior in high school so what?”. she quickly defends.

“girl that ain’t gonna work. you’re in college you have to level up”.

“my boyfriend is fine. he’s all the leveling up I need”.

“mhm. we’ll see about that. anyways, I’m going to my girlfriend’s suite later you should come”.

“suite?”.

bria rolls her eyes. “girl relax we’re not going to be doing anything illegal. just chilling. maybe a little drinking or smoking but--i wouldn’t call that illegal”.

“drinking and smoking? I’ll pass”.

“you don’t have to do it. you’re acting like there’s going to be people there forcing you. it’s going to be her friends and a little bit of mine. if you want to make some lit friends quickly then I suggest you come so you can get yourself out there a little”.

“don’t worry. I can make friends in my classes”.

“aren’t you a biology major?”.

“yeah”.

“then you definitely need to come. or else you’re going to be playing battle of the nerds these next four years”.

gabrielle rolls her eyes, “what’s your major anyways?”.

“fashion design”.

gabrielle nods her head in response. that made a whole lot of sense.

“so? gabby? you coming or what because if so I want to see what you’re wearing”.

“it’s just a suite gathering right? I’m not trying to wear nothing special. probably like a sweater, some ripped jeans and sneakers”.

“pft ‘gathering’. you are so proper. outfit sounds cute but don’t you want to wear something a little revealing? you need to get a new man”.

gabrielle rolls her eyes. “like i said before I’m happy with the guy I have. and no I don’t want to wear anything revealing, have these guys out here thinking that they’re going to get a chance to fuck me”.

“and what’s wrong with that?”.

“everything”.

“whatever. I’ll be back to come grab you later. be ready.”. bria prompts before swinging a bag over her shoulder and leaving the room. gabrielle rolls her eyes. she continues organizing the knick knacks on her desk, most importantly the picture of her and her boyfriend. she missed him dearly and with her college being two hours away from home she didn’t know what she was going to do away from him from so long. texting and facetiming helped but there was nothing like being around him. she huffs her breath though, trying to push the thought to the back of her mind until she was ready to think of it again.

when she started getting dressed she was thinking more and more about what bria was saying. she wanted to look like herself but she still wanted to look cute because at the end of the day, she didn’t know bria or her girlfriend’s friends. this would be their first impression of her so she wanted to make it count. she pulls a scrunchie through her ponytail in a half up half down hairstyle and throws on a couple of hand rings and necklaces to go along with her outfit. she wasn’t too keen on makeup but she did apply winged eyeliner and a bit of lipstick just to keep herself from looking too plain. she looked over at herself in the mirror almost one hundred times, posing so she could see herself from different angles. she wondered if she really looked as good as she thought she did.

“girl you ready--ou okay! so you want to get a new man tonight after all?”. bria says while barging in, scaring the hell out of gabrielle. “damn can you stop screaming? no I don’t want a new man. I just want to look nice”. bria smirks. “whatever. if we don’t leave now we’re going to get there hella late so let’s go”.gabrielle nods and takes her phone off it’s charger. it was getting kind of dark outside but she could already hearing laughing and playing inside the quads of campus. she figured night time was only the beginning of all the fun.

“so? how is it here for real?”. gabrielle asked while they were walking, bria held her phone in her face preparing to take a selfie. “it’s actually not that bad. it’s just like every other college. has it’s pros and cons but at the end of the day, it depends on who you know. as long as you surround yourself with lit people you’ll have a good time”. gabrielle nods. she wanted to surround herself with those kind of people but she needed to focus on her studies. in high school she wasn’t in the mix too much. so she didn’t really know how she was going to function being around them in college. for the most part she had good control over herself, so she wasn’t worried.

when bria said suite, gabrielle wasn’t taking it quite literal. she hadn’t known the seniors practically had two floor suites together. gabrielle had never felt the sudden urge to rush and be a senior in her life. the living room was full with a bunch of people which automatically gave gabrielle anxiety. bria kisses her girlfriend on the lips before intertwining her fingers with hers. “babe this is my roommate gabby. gabby this is my girlfriend diamond”. gabrielle gave her a shy greeting trying to figure out if everyone bria knew looked just as good as she did. diamond was also a fair-skinned doll. “she’s a freshman I’m trying to make her make some friends”. bria comments. “they roomed you with a freshman?”. diamond asks. “right? that’s what I thought. but don’t worry she’s gonna be lit soon”. gabrielle rolls her eyes and scans around the room. there were people in the living room and kitchen it seemed. there was music playing and some of them was drinking and/or smoking and some weren’t which gabrielle liked.

when scanning though she wasn’t expecting her eyes to land on a certain someone, or rather, a certain someone’s eyes to be landed on her. his hair was black and long down the nape of his neck and over his eyes a bit. he wore a black hoodie, black jeans and sneakers. his overall aesthetic was dark gabrielle noticed, he also had a couple of finger nails painted black and a large cuban linked necklace peeking from his hoodie collar. his lips were pink and supple and his eyes were deep set and light brown, boring into hers. needless to say gabrielle thought he was the most gorgeous thing she’s ever laid her eyes on. she looks away to avoid his gaze and he smirks in response.

bria went around introducing her to everyone before going elsewhere with diamond. it kind of scared gabrielle because now she was forced to fiend for herself. everyone seemed considerably chill though and welcoming, offering her blunts and drinks to which she kindly declined. they didn’t seem to care, instead talked to her about other things like asking her her major and telling her how pretty she was. and every so often she’d try to join in the conversation to stay on her toes. she thought college gatherings would be much more crazier than this, maybe some project X party type of scene. she was shocked to see how cool they actually were, and how easily she clicked with them. things didn’t start getting a little wilder until later when a bunch of them gathered in the middle of the floor to play a drunk spin the bottle game. something gabrielle declined also, well, her and others. specifically that guy that was staring at her earlier, whom was leaning on the wall talking to some of his friends. his eyes broke away from them and fled to her every so often, admiring how pretty she was. and if anyone knew heuning kai, which everyone had, they knew that girls like gabrielle were the type of girls he aimed for.

“I take it that you don’t drink or party often?”. he spoke lightly, making gabrielle almost freeze in place. his voice was smoother than she imagined it. subtle, yet serious. “um--yeah it’s not really my thing”. she assures nervously, wanting more than anything to detach from his eyes but he was leaning on the kitchen counter near her and he had this addictive gaze that she couldn’t get enough of. not to mention he was six feet even, tall enough to be quite intimidating over her five foot five frame. “what’s your name?”. he smirked a little at her nervous fidgeting. “gabrielle”. he nods. “hm. gabrielle. you pretty. you know that?”. he took a quick sip of his drink and it was there where she noticed the silver rings around his fingers. why the hell was he so attractive?

“thank you”.

“i don’t really do all of this either. maybe we can chill somewhere together”.

gabrielle scoffs. “no, I’m fine. I know what guys mean when they say they want to chill. and I’m not that type of girl”.

“I’m not the type of guy to beat around the bush. if i wanted something from you I would’ve just said it. but”, he shrugs. “I want to hang with you. and if you don’t want to that’s fine”.

she bit the inside of her cheeks thinking, which was a bad move because by the the time she conjured up an answer he already walked off, leaving her feeling kind of stupid and the scene ate at her for days. she kept thinking of other answers she could’ve given him to make her seem less rude. he probably hated her now and thought she was uptight. one thing’s for sure she wasn’t going to tell bria about this just to avoid the teasing and taunting about it all. but gabrielle couldn’t help herself. she found herself wanting heuning kai’s attention. she wanted to be the girl that he desired. and ever since that night it seemed as if she saw him everywhere.

“he’s so fucking cute--”. her seatmate mutters in philosophy, gabrielle was too busy doodling on the edge of her notebook sheet to pay attention. “who?”. she asked without even looking up. “him”.

she shifts her attention away from her paper and captures a sight of kai. his hair was parted over his eyes this time and he wore a white turtleneck underneath a black ripped jean jacket. he still had different fingernails of his painted black, and a thin silver necklace wrapped tightly around his neck. gabrielle watched as his hair sifted every time he walked. he was the type of gorgeous where every time you saw him it was like everything was happening in slow motion. he had the fair share of girls surround him and his guy friends who encouraged him to sit by them. while he was on his way to his seat his eyes locked with gabrielle’s for a swift moment. her heart raced. her seatmate tapped her vigorously. “girl! who was he looking at?! was he looking at you?”. she whispered excitedly. the professor arrives and sits his bag down on the desk in front of the class. “I don’t know”.

“I’m assuming you’re all coming to class with a fresh memory of the reading from last night”, professor witman started, “I want you to take out your notebooks, laptops, phones or whatever you use to take your notes on and I want to ask you this, would you rather be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond? and why?”. he takes a piece of chalk and scrawls the letters on the blackboard. “I want you to be really thinking about this”. almost instantly gabrielle could see everyone writing or typing away. but she was too deep in thought. about the question, and about heuning kai. he stared at her like that frequently and she never knew what it meant. or how she could reproach him. she was far too intimidated to. maybe he would’ve shrugged her off. maybe he would’ve just flat out ignored her. he had enough clout and divine looks to deny anyone and still have a line of people waiting to date him. gabrielle just wanted to smack herself. what the hell was she doing thinking about him? she had a boyfriend back home. a boyfriend whose been loving her for almost two years now.

“heuning kai. share your thoughts”. professor witman directed. and like always, but much more literal now, all eyes were on the attractive tall boy at the back of the lecture hall.

“the way I see it it’s kind of like a double edged sword”, he talked with his hands and with certainty, “if you’re a big fish in a small pond you’re among the privileged. you have life going for yourself. you do the best at everything, you��re at the top of everyone’s list, you cross every t and dot every I. life is good. but at the end of the day it’s just because you’re in a small pond. outside of that pond you’re just a normal fish like everyone else. however if you’re a small fish in a big pond you’re hidden. no one really notices you, everyone looks over your intelligence, talents , and wit. there’s going to be people miles ahead of you and people miles behind you. but in this big pond there are big fish that you can learn from and help you overall grow as a person. so even though you’re a small, you’re gradually improving yourself. you’ve made mistakes and you harness them to your advantage. so yeah”, he continues. “I’d rather be a small fish”. all eyes rested back on the professor who nods his head in agreement. quite impressed with his answer.

“well said heuning. well said”.

he began calling on others but gabrielle kept her mind fixated on kai. there was no way he was attractive and smart at once. she never heard of that before. attractive and rebellious yes. attractive with horrible grades yes. but she never came across someone like kai before. she was intrigued.

"cute right? I think I'm going to ask him out". gabrielle heard a voice beside her while she was walking out of class. the sudden voice startled her a little, she wasn't expecting to be interrupted by anyone especially when she was staring at the boy for what it felt like the umpteenth time. she quickly tried to act like she was looking for someone. "ask who out?". gabrielle asks. the girl nudges her, directing her attention to the infamous rebel at the end of the hallway, talking and joking around with some of his boys. "kai", she nods with certainty, "I think I'm going to ask him to go out with me this weekend or something. then again I probably shouldn't have told you that. you probably were planning on doing the same thing". gabrielle quickly shakes her head no. "I wasn't actually I was trying to figure out which way to go for my next class". the girl curled her lips into a dubious grin of disbelief. "yeah right. you're telling me you're not attracted to heuning kai at all?". gabrielle pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "I never said that it's just I wasn't planning on asking him out or anything". the girl hummed. "yeah well don't tell anyone that I'm planning on doing that. I already know everyone else is going to try to rush to do it before I do". gabrielle fiddled with the corners of her notebook pages. "yeah no problem". and with that they parted ways. the girl went to meet him at the end of the hallway and gabrielle walked past them both, trying to process the fact that kai took a quick look in her eyes before he looked at the girl in front of him.

within a few weeks her newfound friend from her biology class observed her well. especially while they were walking in the quads. it seemed as if gabrielle couldn’t keep her eyes off of him. all the while he kept his attention elsewhere, either horsing around with his friends or talking to them.

“don’t tell me you’re falling for him too”. michelle insinuates.

“too?”,

“heuning kai has enough girls swooning over him that they all could probably wrap around this campus”.

“look at him. you don’t think it makes sense?”.

“well yeah it makes a whole lot of sense but you don’t want to get caught up with him. i heard he’s trouble“.

“what kind of trouble?”.

“trouble. why are you worried? i thought you had a boyfriend anyways”.

“I do but for some reason I just-- I can’t help who I’m attracted to”.

“well you need to. he’s no good”.

gabrielle exhales, listening. yet her eyes peered up at the boy anyways. what a mistake that was. she caught him doing the same thing. no smirk, no smile or anything. just a stare that captivated her enough to where the rest of the world blurred around her. she took heed to michelle’s advice for a couple of days, where she only focused on her school work and seeing what her boyfriend was up to back home. he was doing well and from the looks of his snapchat and instagram stories it seemed that he was having some fun of his own. he too was partying and hanging with friends also. it only made gabrielle think about the other possibilities. how was she so sure that he wasn’t with some other girl? or took interest in someone else? everything was so unclear while she was far away. she never took her boyfriend to be the cheating type. but the both of them were living in two separate worlds now. in his world he was still trapped in his high school lifestyle. but in hers, becoming appealing to heuning kai was all she could think about. and she hated it.

she drains the water out of her hair and fluffs it, throwing a bathrobe on to go to her room and study. she hoped bria wasn’t there because she really needed some alone time to collect her thoughts for a while. and let’s just say bria wasn’t the quietest person to study around. she twists the doorknob of the room and jumped back with shock, dropping her toiletries and clothes right in front of the door. it was heuning kai, relaxing on bria’s bed scrolling through his phone as if he belonged there. once his eyes laid on gabrielle’s he covers them with a hand and turns the opposite direction.

“heuning kai! what are you doing in here?”. “bria told me to meet her in here so she could give me the homework that’s due tomorrow. I’m not trying to be a pervert”. gabrielle squats to pick up her belongings, placing her clothes in her hamper and toiletries on her shelf. her heart was pounding through her ears almost but she tried her best to keep calm.

“well, she should’ve told me that. she didn’t tell you she had a roommate?”.

“well it’s common sense that she has a roommate but she made it seem as though you weren’t going to be here”. he says, speaking to the wall. gabrielle folds her arms.

“you know you can uncover your eyes. I’m not naked”. slowly but surely he reveals them, sliding his hand down his face until it was on his lap. their eyes met again, the same heart wrenching stare that they always gave each other at a distance. the one that made gabrielle just want to pass out right then and there. “why do you always do that?”. she mutters breaking the silence between them. “do what?”.

“stare at me. why do you always stare at me like that?”. she swallows nervously, afraid of the answer. “why do you always stare at me like that?”. he replies. she swallows again searching her mind for a response. how the hell does one tell someone that they stare at them because they want to be noticed without sounding too desperate? she didn’t want to sound that way. even though to an extent, she was.

she turns on her heels to place her phone on the charger, figuring maybe if she avoided his gaze she’d be able to think of something. kai licks his lips before he speaks again. “I like looking at pretty things”. by now her hands were practically shaking. she could’ve sworn he hated her by now. “what’s the matter with just telling someone that you think they’re pretty? you don’t think you’re going to look like a creep by just staring at them?”. kai shakes his head no. “whose to say I stare at everyone?”. she reaches into her drawer to grab some pajamas. she couldn’t believe she was even talking to him. “i thought you hated me”. she mutters. “why would I hate you?”. ,

“that night at diamond’s place. you walked off before I could even give you an answer”. kai thinks for a moment. “you made an assumption about me and brushed me off. and I’m not interested in courting girls who don’t want to be courted. so I left you alone”. “whose to say that I didn’t want to be courted?”. she blurted without even thinking. shit. she probably sounded desperate as hell right about now. “so tell me. what’s it going to be? because I’d love to take a pretty girl out on a date tomorrow night”. gabrielle played with her fingernails wanting to pinch herself. or run maybe. either way the question made her just want to curl into a ball and hide. “tell me who the pretty girl is and maybe she’ll provide an answer”. she shortly replies. kai laughs a little. “the pretty girl is you. go on a date with me”.

“mm - how do I know you’re not some serial killer or something?”. kai laughs again and god, how her heart fluttered at his laugh. “wouldn’t I have killed you already? we’ve been in the room alone for almost ten minutes now”. she nods and giggles soon after. “makes sense”.

“so yeah I have a car, maybe you can meet me at the side building tomorrow night? we don’t have to go anywhere far. downtown maybe”. gabrielle shrugs through the fact that she was practically dying inside. “that’s fine. does seven work?”. kai smiles a little. “seven is perfect”.

“damn kai how long you been waiting in here?”. bria marches in, more than late for the time she arranged with him. “since the time you gave me. by the time I turn this assignment in it’s going to be overdue”. bria playfully slaps him on the shoulder before sliding the homework sheet for him to copy out her folder. he laughs and rubs the spot in pain, “thank you mean ass”. she shoos her hand. “yeah whatever. get out my room I’m tired. did you say hi to my roommate on your way in?”. kai continues sliding his jean jacket over his arms before getting up to walk towards the door. he rolls his eyes. “yes I said hi. didn’t i say hi gabrielle?“. he smirks. she tried her best not to smile too hard. “yeah he did. get out like she said though. I’m tired too”. kai laughs and grabs the doorknob, “fine, I’m out”. bria was flipping him off but halfway between him closing the door he gave gabrielle a little smile that made her heart warm, almost as if to say “don’t forget about tomorrow night”.

which gabrielle hadn’t. hell, she straightened her hair hours prior just to prepare. she was happy that bria was out for almost the whole day, leaving her to get ready in peace. she wasn’t quite sure what to wear but she wanted to be comfortable. so instead of wearing a skirt or halter top she settled on a stylish oversized t shirt look with baggy pants and sneakers. and to be a little more girly, she grabbed a small purse. it was weird you know, just leaving her dorm and not having anyone to report to. not having to tell her mother or father that she was going out. not having to explain that she was going out with a boy and not them not having to meet him. it kind of felt nice and it was kind of freeing. she exhales deeply while walking to his car. he was parked where he said he was, in a car that was pretty gorgeous might she add. out of her dorm and now into the passenger seat of his car was an unbelievable feeling. that’s for sure. “you look pretty”. he compliments with a toothy smile that gabrielle couldn’t stop looking at. her cheeks flush deeply. “thank you. heuning”. he laughs at the name and shifts gears preparing to drive. “heuning”. he repeated. “just call me kai”.

“what if i like the sound of heuning?”. he laughs again. “no one does. but, if you do I wouldn’t mind you calling me that. it sounds cute coming from you”. she exhales for the umpteenth time, “please, with the flirting”. she smiles. he was truly killing her on the inside. “where are we going?”.

“shouldn’t that be a surprise? it will ruin the whole date if I told you”.

“how would it ruin the whole date? what if i want to prepare myself?”.

“you will. once we arrive”. she giggles and settles for his answer although she really wanted to know. cutting through her thoughts though was her boyfriend sending her multiple text messages at once. explaining to her how his day went and asking her how was hers. but while on a date he was the last thing she wanted to think about so she switched her phone to silent mode and shoved it back into her purse. “whose that? your boyfriend?”. kai jokes. she sat there with a frozen expression for a while until kai elbows her a little. “it’s just a joke relax”. he laughs. she tries her best to laugh through it when it really kind of scared her. she hadn’t planned on telling him a thing. especially since she really wasn’t obligated to. it wasn’t like heuning was her boyfriend anyways.

out of all places to take her an ice skating rink wasn’t on that checklist. she had no type of coordination, nevertheless skating in a rink full of pros. “have you ever been ice skating before?”. kai asks while slipping the money to the box office worker to pay for their tickets. he gives her a small thank you once she exchanged them. gabrielle shivers a bit, she forgot how cold the rink could be. maybe she shouldn’t have left her jacket in the car. “I have. i wouldn’t say I’m good though”. once their skates were all tied up kai slips his jean jacket off his arms and positions it behind her. “here put this on. you have to be warm when you skate don’t you?”. she shakes her head, “no it’s alright I got it. I think I’ll be fine”. he chuckles. “just put it on. I don’t want you getting a frostbite in here trying to be modest”. she finally gives in allowing him to slide her arms inside of it. it was much more oversized on her and warmer than any jacket she had in her closet. kai eyes the way the sleeves slip past the tips of her fingers, he thought it looked adorable on her.

stepping onto the ice was a brutal nightmare for her. she had no balance and hasn’t been ice skating in almost four years. before she could slip and fall to the ice in embarrassment kai catches her fall and lifts her back to her feet. “baby steps love. do you want to hold my hand maybe?”. her heart sank at the sound of his voice being so overwhelming when he was much closer to her. and as nervous as she was the last thing she wanted to do was fall. so she obliged. she clutched his hand and took glides with him, trying to get the hang of it but it was obvious that she was only surviving because of him. well kind of surviving. once a little boy zoomed past her it went downhill from there. she immediately lost balance and plopped right down on the ice on her butt. “this shit is embarrassing”. she shamefully admits and kai smiles. he squats down to her level and lifts her to her feet again. “it’s alright you just have to try harder. do you want to hold my hand again coldbutt?”. kai chuckles and holds his hand out for her to grab. she rolls her eyes pretending to be annoyed with him. “not if you’re going to call me that”.

“okay fine. I won’t. come here stop being a baby”.

she takes his hand again and he guides her around the circumference of the rink slowly. she had her hands in front of her just in case though, trying to brace any future falls. “see? just carefully shift your weight around. it’s not that bad”.

“for you it isn’t. I almost died a couple of times. and you laughed”.

“i wasn’t laughing at you I was laughing with you”.

“I wasn’t even laughing!”. she said aloud with a light chuckle at the end of her sentence making kai chuckle as well. “you and bria must have a grand time together with your matching attitudes”.

“oh please. she gets on my nerves sometimes. how do you even know bria anyway? aren’t you a freshman?”.

“sophomore. and I know everyone”. she scoffs. “oh yeah of course. you’re thee heuning kai“. kai hums. “why are you emphasizing my name like that?”. she shrugs. “that’s how everyone else emphasizes it”.

he swallows. “I’m not what everyone says I am”.

“I figured”.

“you figured?”. she points. “yeah look at your face. you have too much of a baby face to do anything rebellious”. kai chuckles, “what’s that saying? don’t judge a book by it’s cover?”.

“yeah. I’m just saying. why you single anyway? with all those girls after you”. kai shrugs, gripping her hand a little tighter sensing that she was drifting off and on the verge of falling again. “I don’t want them”. gabrielle makes a pft noise.

“what?”.

“you mean to tell me out of all the thousands of girls that want you, you’re taking interest in absolutely none of them?”. kai looks away for a second before looking back down at her. “I’m taking an interest in you aren’t I?”. gabrielle waddles for a second before standing straight up, trying to glide her feet again. “oh please. who said I even wanted you?”.

“why would you be on a date with someone you don’t want?”. she playfully rolls her eyes. “whatever heuning”. he glides in front of her, facing her and skating backwards, holding her hands that way. “how about we do it like this?”. he starts picking up his pace leaving her dragging with him. “wait! slow down a little”. he grins. “the only way you’re going to learn is if you take risks”. she panics. “I’m not playing you’re going to make me bust my ass on this ice”. he grins a little more and completely lets go of her hands skating circles around her making her dizzy and unstable. she tries her best to stay afloat but every time she looked up he was at another angle around her. she laughs. “stop playing! I’m going to fall“. he laughs along with her and continues his 360 circles until she put out a hand in attempt to push him out her way. he instead grabbed her wrists and leans forward so that she was dangling from his back. “come on hop up”. he coaxes, she breathed watching her breath become frost in the wintry air. "I'm too fat for that. please".

“oh shut up”. he hiked her legs up around his waist and dashed around the rink a couple more times, she had to admit it was fun riding on his back like this. more fun than she thought it would be. it was kind of like she was riding on a sleigh of some sort. she was nervous though, she hasn't really been carried by anyone before and it shocked her that heuning didn't care much about her weight. in a way she felt seen. she felt more appreciated. “heuning if we fall I’m beating your ass”. he chuckles. “why would I put you on my back if I knew there was a chance I’d drop you?”. he turns his head to the side to look over his shoulder at her features, never minding the fact that his lips were dangerously close to hers. she melted into the warmth of his eyes. they were pretty. so were his lips. so was his face. his voice was soothing and he was gentle with her. she turned her head the other direction to keep herself from becoming too flustered. “I’m hungry”. she babbles switching the subject of focus.

she begged for the bill but kai refuse to let her pay for her own food. had she known, she would've gotten something cheaper. but nevertheless the black haired boy was pooling out cash to pay for not only his own but her expensive meal as well. he clutches the tray and stuffs his wallet in his back pocket. he shoves one of his fries in his mouth heading towards the table. “are you mad at me coldbutt? I’m not letting you pay for your own food on a date. what kind of gentleman would I be”. he assures with his mouth full. she crosses her arms again pretending to be annoyed at the pet name. it was cute. she just wasn't going to admit that. “heuning i’m not afraid to fight you. you know that?”. he laughs when he sits down across from her. “so aggressive”. she grabs her slushie cup. “thank you though. you’re actually nicer than I thought you’d be”. he chews on another fry. “am I? thank you”. she carefully dips a nacho chip in it’s cheese. “so. heuning kai. if you’re not the person that people portray you to be, who are you?”. he pulls a couple of napkins out of the dispenser and wipes the excess cheese from the corner of her lips while she chewed. “that’s for gabrielle to find out isn’t it?”. he finished his sentence with a smile so bright it could've blinded her.

and yeah, i guess you could say bria was right. how dumb was gabrielle to come to college with a boyfriend. every time she had a bit of free time she was out, spending it with kai. she felt like she was in high school again, waiting for his texts and swooning over the selfies he often sent her. she thought about him in her passing time. thinking about how she gotten lucky enough to catch a guy like him. as much as she wanted to deny it she was a bit happier too. god, it felt like she was obsessing over some celebrity. she didn’t want to make love and relationships the center of her college life. she came here to study and do well after all. but she couldn’t help herself.

she scrawls down her biology notes in the cafè with michelle in between classes. she had another class in about an hour or two and she wanted to have some downtime before then. “wait--do you know how to solve this?”. she questions, feeling completely out of focus. michelle eyes her paper and slides it toward herself and nods. she plucks up a pencil so she could show her. the bell at the top of the door chimes and in walks a couple of guys laughing and goofing off with heuning kai following behind. gabrielle’s eyes were soon fixated on his and he notices of course, and gave her a soft smile. she was studying so he didn’t want to go over and bother her. michelle follows her line of sight and scoffs. “gabby are you listening?”. gabrielle nods. “I’m listening I only looked away for one second relax”. she turns her attention back to the paper for a while prior to looking up again, seeing a group of girls surround kai.

he was good looking, it was normal for that to happen. at least that’s what gabrielle was trying to convince herself. but even if she wasn’t fond of the attention he so often got, she had no place to say anything because she wasn’t kai’s girlfriend. he wasn’t required to claim her. technically, he was still on the market. and there was nothing she could do about that.

“I think it could be a good way for you to mingle”. bria spoke in front of the mirror. gabrielle was too lost in her thoughts to listen to her though and once she finally heard the last word of bria’s sentence she jumped. “huh?”. bria turned back to look at her oddly. “girl you okay? you been out of it”. gabrielle sits up and sits her textbook on her lap. “I’m fine. what were you saying?”. “I was inviting you to a party but you seem a little too out of it to come....you sure you alright?”.

“I’m fine I’m just tired. and you know I don’t do parties anyway I already told you that”. bria swings her bag over her shoulder. “well excuse me I was just trying to invite yo-”. cutting through her sentence was a knock at the door. she went to open it and there was kai, hitting her on the head with his homework binder. “bri I need the study guide answers”. she throws a hand on her hip. “when are you going to start doing your own homework? nobody got time to be feeding you sheet after sheet”. she starts going through her drawers and kai rolls his eyes while her back was turned. kai peered over at gabby who in turn was peering over at him. “here. you’re about to make me late”. she handed him the packet and he snatches it playfully giving her a soft thank you. she gives him another eye roll and grabs her phone off her bed. “I’ll be back gabby”. she scurries past kai and out the door leaving him standing there awkwardly in the middle of the room.

“so? how was your day?”. he spoke trying to break the silence. “heuning if you’re going to be into other girls while you’re ‘interested’ in me then we can just stop this”. he exhales, already knowing that was coming. “I’m not into them. I can’t help who approaches me. plus haven’t I told you that I don’t beat around the bush? if i was into someone else I’d just tell you”. he plops down at the edge of her bed. she pushes his thigh with her foot. “whatever”. she turns her body over as if she was preparing to sleep. “aw. you’re jealous?”. he teases. she kicks his thigh a little harder. “stop it heuning”. he rubs her ankles. “my pretty girl is jealous isn’t she?”. she grasps a pillow and hits him over the head with it. he chuckles and caged her body between his arms, hovering over her. she refused to look him in the eyes though. he was much too good looking this close. he twirled his finger around the coils of her hair. “gabrielle. look at me. you know you want to”. he could see the small smile twitch at the corner of her lips. “no I don’t. get out”. he cups her cheek with his hand. “you’re so pretty”. she stifled blushes from rising through her cheeks. she finally turns over with his face just inches from hers. he looked just how she imagined him to be. utterly breathtaking. “I’m sick of you”. she lies, making kai smile. he deposits a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“no you’re not. and if you are that sucks. I wanted to take you out”. she rubbed shapes into his sharp jawline with her thumbs. “hm. where did you want to take me?”. “and why would I tell you that? you’re sick of me remember?”. he teases pretending that he was going to get off of her but she only pulled him back down begging him to stay. “no wait I was just kidding! I was kidding stop”. he laughs at her pleas and takes a glimpse in her eyes. it was moments like this where he enjoyed the silence. the silence that allowed him to admire her in every way that he could. in ways that her boyfriend hadn’t. the butterflies inside her stomach were on a rampage. he leaned in not too far but just enough for her to meet him halfway. he didn’t want to just go for it if she wasn’t onboard. but she was and she meets him with hesitance, shadowing her lips over his. he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, making the connection of their lips painfully slow. but once they touched, magic was there. electricity sparked through her veins as his lips waltzed upon hers, dissociating her from the world and taking her to another reality. a reality where she was finally living the life she always wanted to live. not being known as the smart chubby girl and finally feeling normal. finally feeling like she deserved a love story of her dreams. whenever he broke away her world shattered. but she was always grateful for him distracting her from life's troubles for that moment.

"you ready to go? love?". he questions while still caressing her.

the burger joint was loud and rowdy but that was expected among college kids. the bar was full with drunk students watching the heated sports games and yelling obnoxiously without reason. gabrielle was grateful that was here at least with kai so it wouldn't bother her much. other than the reprehensible students she enjoyed the vibe of the place. it looked like something straight out of a 90's film with the pink neon glow lights and old license plates and polaroids hanging along the walls. "this place is nice huh?". gabrielle nods across the table from him, dipping her fry in the small cup of ketchup. "yeah it is. how do you find these places on campus?". kai shrugs, taking the tomato off his burger. "when you hang out with upperclassmen they show you the hotspots. I mean other than those drunk ass students over there this place is actually nice". gabrielle laughs. she remembers something. "so? when am I going to find out about you?". kai folds his arms on the table. "you think you still don't know me?".

"no i feel like I don't", she takes a minute to swallow her food, "I think you're too perfect. what's the catch? are you crazy or something?". kai laughs at her accusations. "no I'm not crazy. this is just me. I'm really a genuine guy and I want to start something with you. perhaps a relationship if I could". she hums even though it was kind of inaudible over the roaring music. "why me? that's what really raises a red flag in my head. I remember just a couple of weeks ago, this girl from our philosophy class told me that she was going to ask you out and she told me not to tell anyone. I guess what I'm trying to say is, why not her? why not the others". kai waits until his food was chewed and swallowed before he spoke. "what is with you and these others? I told you I don't want them. and the girl you're talking about is clara. she asks everyone out if you haven't noticed. I'm surprised she hasn't asked you out yet". gabrielle laughs a bit. "I'm sorry It's just I'm not the best looking and I know that. so in my mind me and you just don't make sense". he takes a sip of his milkshake. "gabrielle stop it. you're beautiful and I'm attracted to you. you make perfect sense". her cheeks began to flush but she ignored them of course. "well riddle me this because I'm curious. what do you want out of life heuning?". he gives a half smile and adjusts his seating. "I want love".

"love?".

"yes. why are you shocked?".

"most guys want you know, to be famous. to have lots of money. a big ass mansion somewhere. sexy super model ass wife. a pitbull or two".

"that sounds nice. but is it fulfilling though?".

"well...I'd think so".

"most guys want that because they want their ego to be stroked in every aspect of their life. there's highs and lows in life but they don't want to see the low of anything. no one wants to, really. but you have to. and when you put your ego first before everything, you become nothing. while a garage full of expensive cars and a mansion on a mountain side sounds nice, those things get old. I want something that never gets old. something that's timeless. like love". gabrielle's heart flutters and she got lost in the sea of his eyes again. "so above all else, love is what you aim for?". he nods. "i want to love someone the way I wish someone loved me". there was a swift moment of silence before he spoke again. "how about you? what do you want out of life?". she thoughtlessly shakes her head. "I don't even know how to respond to the question anymore after you said that. I'm very much questioning my morality now". he laughs. "what? did you want money and cars and a hot wife?". he jokes while dipping a fry into honey mustard. before gabrielle could answer she was interrupted by a drunk girl, approaching the table and grabbing the hem of kai's sweater before she sat beside him. "i m-missed yoooou kai", she pouts and leans in, giving him clumsy kisses along his neck. he annoyingly pushes her off. "jessica get off me. you're drunk and you need to go home". she pouts her lips again. "when are you coming back to me?". gabrielle was grateful for another guy reaching for the girl's wrists and helping her out the seat. he seemed to be her much sober friend. "come on we're leaving. leave them alone". she blew kai kisses before she staggered away.

gabrielle kept silent while taking a bite of her burger and wiping her face shortly after. kai only stared at her, sensing that she may have felt some type of way about the situation. "look, she's just an ex. I haven't been seeing her at all". she swallows. "I know, heuning. I'm not angry". that's what she said, but kai felt otherwise. he reaches his hand across the table just to intertwine his fingers with hers. "come on. let's ditch this place I got something to show you". she furrows a brow. "this late at night?". he took out his wallet and pooled out some cash to stamp on the table for their meals. "yeah. it's hilarious trust me".

with the utmost confusion gabrielle takes his lead and his word for it. the campus was rather dark at night with a light here and there but lights were often hard to come by. this is what made gabrielle the most scared while she was running through the woods in the darkened quads with kai, with him tugging on her wrist egging her on. "heuning slow down! I'm scared what if I fall?". she whispered with her heart racing and all she could hear was the leaves and twigs snapping beneath her and kai's moving feet. he chuckles. "you're not going to fall stop being a scaredy cat. we're almost there". she tried to ignore every ounce of fear she withheld until they were finally approaching a small light at the side of a building. she was still catching her breath while she was nearing what looked to be a small window low at the base of the building. kai was crouching down right beside it, waving her over and pushing his index finger to his lips to silence any further noise she made. "I'm about to fucking die". she gasps for air and kai shushes her again to point to the window.

she peaks her head in just a tad bit to see a security guard in the back of an empty library at his desk on the computer. gabrielle shrugs her shoulders. "you made me run through the fucking woods just to show me this?". kai laughs and points again. "no look. look at the computer screen". gabrielle takes another look and scrunches her eyes a bit. her heart dropped at what she saw and she immediately tucked her head into kai's chest in disgust. "ew! that's so fucking digusting". kai laughed at her reaction as quiet as he could. "this old guy watches all kinds of shit. felching porn is his favorite". she shivered at the thought. "I just don't see what's arousing about seeing someone suck semen through a straw out of someone else's ass". kai shrugs and peers through the window again. "to each their own I guess?". she fixed her lips to reply but felt something crawling along her leg and she panicked, she gripped kai's shirt. "heuning! something is on me something is fucking on me". he looked down at her body but it was hard to see any creepy crawlers due to the lack of lighting around. "calm down calm down, I don't really see anything". whatever bug it was had quickly made it's way into the palm of her hand and it felt abnormally large and furry. she freaked out, flailing her body around and in turn kicked the window, gaining the attention of the security guard who quickly closed the tab and got up hastily to go outside and chase after them. "oh shit! come on". kai shrieked pulling her upwards to her feet and tugging her through the woods once again. by now she was wiping her hand on the pants of her jeans running as fast as she could go wanting to just pass the hell out.

sweat trickled down her forehead and she struggled to breathe. after moments of running they were finally out in the open in the quads, which was a terrible mistake because their movement set the sprinklers off. she wanted to get agitated but she couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous kai looked trying to block the projectile shooting water from hitting him when his body was already drenched. "heuning stop you look like an idiot". his hand was still in hers when his feet slipped on the wet grass underneath an oak tree, causing their wet bodies to fall on top of one another. they breathlessly laughed at their efforts of trying to get up but eventually slipping due to how wet the grass and the bottom of their shoes actually were. normally gabrielle would get mad about wetting some of her favorite clothes and wetting her hair even. but for some reason she didn't care. kai sat up on his elbows once he finished laughing, taking a minute to admire her even in the messy, muddy condition that she was in. she removes her glasses trying find a dry part of her shirt to dry them with and he strings his hand through her tangled hair. "you look like a beautiful disaster". he commented with a small grin. she blushes trying not to smile. "yeah well, it's your fault anyway. had me watching an old guy beat his dick to felching porn". kai laughs and pulls her in so that her face was adjacent to his own. he brushed his thumb over the tiny water droplets on her cheeks and waited for her lips like he always had. she got lost again. swept into the sea of his eyes and the heat of the moment, clashing her lips onto his once again.

"girl look, there he goes again". her seatmates jeers in philosophy, watching kai enter the room like she always had. gabrielle continues doodling. "you say that shit everyday. give it a rest". she starts eagerly tapping gabrielle in excitement, "oh shit he's coming over here". by the time gabrielle looked up she saw kai standing in front of her, smiling, plopping his things into the seat right beside hers. it took everyone by shock, gabrielle knew it even though no one had quite said anything. but she knew they were surprised that he was sitting beside someone else today. a girl in particular. "why are you looking at me all weird?". he grins before sitting. "I wasn't expecting you to sit next to me". he dug around in his bag for his utensils and notebooks. he was wearing a black oversized zipper hoodie and a graphic band t shirt. looking just as attractive as he did any other day. "I can't sit next to you? were you saving this seat for your other lovers?". when he said that it made her mind resort to her boyfriend, whom she hasn't texted in a while. she quickly shook the thought out of her mind though and playfully punches kai's shoulder. "oh shut up. you're the only one with other lovers here". kai laughs, "see now you shut up". professor witman finally arrives and sits his things on the desk at the front of the room like he always had. he began speaking briefly about the reading from last night. kai rests his head on his hand. half paying attention to what the professor was saying and half sneaking glances at gabrielle, whose beauty he admired so much.

"girl are you and kai... a thing?". her seatmate whispers discreetly. gabrielle didn't quite know how to respond to that. she keeps a blank expression. "something like that, I guess you could say". she responds but still unsure if that was the right answer either. kai nudges her. "so? you and me tonight at my dorm? what you think?". gabrielle was still doodling along the edges of her pages. "I think it's time that I catch up on my chemistry notes once and for all. that's what I think".

"well after you catch up? take your time it's no rush. my roommate is going to be out for the night so. maybe we can watch movies?".

he raised his intonation like a kid convincing their mom to buy them candy at a candy store. it was adorable to say the least. needless to say, she was at his dorm like he asked that night with no further questions. it was kind of fun being out often to be honest. it gave her a break from her studies at least. entering kai's room though was something she never thought she'd be doing throughout her whole four years here. but here she was, plopping on his bed and gazing around at the posters and decals he had plastered on his side of the room. it was pretty neat to be honest. organized too. "you like it?". he questions while standing in front of the tv with the remote controller in his hand. he was switching through the selection of films. "yeah. to be an active student here your room is actually clean". kai chuckles with his eyes still fixated on the tv screen. "what are you trying to say? that I'm dirty?". she pushes her glasses up a little. "no but--the fact that you have time to keep it neat while doing everything you do. I expected it to be a little messier than this at least".

"you really think I'd invite a pretty girl in my room and leave it messy? you're crazy". gabrielle hums, "so what are we going to watch?". kai grins. "I should make you watch something sappy like the notebook". gabrielle scoffs. "please heuning. let's watch something funny". kai continues flipping until he finally settled on dumb and dumber. he sits the remote down and walks to the bed, grabbing the pizza boxes off his nightstand and sitting them between them. "you can eat as much as you want. I think I bought a little too much". she opens the box and laughs. "boy I'm not about to sit here and scarf down all this pizza. I have enough weight that I have to lose". kai chews into a slice. "where?". she deadpans him before gesturing towards her tummy. “right here. you don’t have to act like you don’t see it. it’s okay”.

“well, I don’t. you think every time I look at you I’m thinking about your weight?”.

“yeah. chubbier people have anxiety when it comes to our weight”.

“I think you look fine. And I’m never looking at you like that so don’t worry. eat all you want”.

“I’m going to throw this pizza at your face”.

kai chuckles at her response. “what? why? why are you so aggressive?”.

“you’re sweet. I don’t know how to respond other than being aggressive. I don’t want the moment to get too soft”.

“just kiss me”.

“heuning, that’s a soft response”.

“I know I just want a kiss from you”. he admits, she thought it was kind of cute the way he asked. “maybe when we’re finished eating”. kai held her to that though and made sure she cuddled with him as soon as they were finished just so he could get the promised kisses. his chest was comfy and warm, and she always felt safe in his grip.

she thought for a moment. “heuning?”.

“hm?”. he hummed with his eyes still fixed on the tv screen. she toys with his hoodie strings. “give me three confessions about yourself. go”. he chuckles but kindly obliged. “okay well 1. I hate math. 2. I have a horrible ‘losing my virginity story’ and 3. I think I’m actually a very lonely person”. gabrielle laughs and perched her head up just to look at him. “okay the first one I understand. but you’re lonely and your first time didn’t go good?”.

“yeah. I mean I have friends and everything but. I just feel like I’m not fully connected with them sometimes. feel like we’re all just there to entertain each other. and as for my first time, well. that shit was a nightmare”.

“I feel you. I know the feeling. It kind of feels like you’re just floating. but I guess that comes with growing up. you just have to find your people. don’t think that I’m not going to ask you to share your story though. I’m curious”.

kai laughs. “you’re right I guess I do have to find my people. so far, I think you’re my person”.

“do you mean that or are you just saying that to distract me from telling me the story?”.

“no I’m serious”.

“well I think you’re my person too heuning”.

kai scoffs, “pft. heuning”.

“hey you said I can call you that. and tell me the story please”. kai playfully groans. “no it’s too embarrassing”.

“it can’t be that bad”.

“how about this? if you tell me yours I’ll tell you mine?”. she reaches up to cup his cheek. “how am I going to tell you mine when I don’t have one?”. kai breathes and brushes his thumb over the back of her hand. “you’re precious gabrielle”. she hums while swimming in his eyes again. “why? because I’m a virgin?”.

“no. you’re just pure. I think it’s precious. don’t let anyone pressure you into doing it alright? It’s okay to wait”. gabrielle nods in a daze. “everyone always says that shit. wait until you’ve found the right person. but how would you even know whose the right person. what if you do it and then things don’t work out with them and then you find the right person later on in life”. kai thinks for a moment. “I think it’ll just happen without thought”. gabrielle chuckles. “don’t be cheesy”. he smiles. “I’m not being cheesy I’m just saying. you’re always being mean to me”.

“aw? are you getting sensitive?”. she playfully mocked like kai always did. “no I’m not I’m just saying”. she walks her fingers up his chest teasingly. “my heuning is sensitive for me isn’t he?”. Kai looked rather cute when he was blushing. a red hue splotched around his cheeks. “I’m not sensitive”. she perks her lips up to peck him on the cheeks which he greatly appreciated since he loved her kisses dearly. they made his heart flutter. “kiss me again”. he begged.

“and just where the hell have you been?”. Bria asked finally seeing gabrielle come into their room after her morning shower. “I’ve been here. you the one that’s been going out. that’s why you don’t see me”. Bria gives her the best ‘yeah right’ grin. she continues tidying up her side of the room. “well since you don’t be doing anything diamond is having people over at her suite again. same crowd. you should come through this time”. gabrielle looks in her wardrobe to find some clothes. she felt kind of weary. “honestly I’m beat. I need to nap or something before I do anything else. I don’t know if I can go”. wait. if it was the same crowd that meant kai was going to be there. she quickly changed her mind. “I’ll try to make it though”. Bria tosses one of her dresses in her hampers. “good. I’m glad you’re being more open to going out”. well she really wasn’t. just more open to going wherever kai was. when she arrived he was sitting on the couch in the living room conversing with a few of his friends. everyone was sporadic as usual, either in the kitchen drinking, in the living room, playing games somewhere, or upstairs. kai was more than happy to see her especially when she plopped down on the couch right beside him.

Bria eyed the way he smiled at her and she grinned. “oop don’t get yourself caught up kai! she has a boyfriend you know”. she blurts while making her way upstairs. gabrielle’s heart dropped and her eyes widened. she was lucky no one else in the room knew what was going on so they continued with their festivities. but kai’s smile disappeared. “what is she talking about?”. she tried to wave it off. “that’s just bria. you know she be saying anything”. the cold look that he gave her right after that line made her world stop. “gabrielle? what is she talking about?”. she swallows before responding. she knew she had to tell the truth or things would be much worse. “I kind of.. have a boyfriend heuning but -“.

“kind of have a boyfriend? what the hell does kind of have a boyfriend mean? how long have you had a boyfriend?”. kai looked sweet when he was smiling but god, when he’s angry he’s lethal. his sharp stare could split her in two. “we’ve been dating since high school”. he clenched his jaw. “so you’ve had a boyfriend this whole entire time? and you didn’t bother telling me? so what were you trying to play me or something?”. she quickly grew nervous. “no it isn’t like that I was going to break up with him I swear”. she tried to explain herself but he was already getting up, making his way out of the house with a slamming door.

good. she felt like complete shit. this is exactly what she needed. she didn't mean for it to all happen like this. she was really going to break up with him but it was hard doing that to someone you've been in a relationship with for years. the party for gabrielle was essentially ruined. she didn't even want to be there anymore. well, she didn't really want to be anywhere anymore. kai hadn't responded to her texts and calls for days on end. even when she apologized. and even when she lied and said she broke up with her boyfriend. nothing worked. seeing him in the quads was quite different now, he didn't make eye contact with her even when she tried to make it with him. instead he continued talking to his friends, continuing on whatever conversations he was having. while they were in the library michelle could sense that gabrielle was a little more off than usual. she finally laid her pencil down and addressed her. "alright gabby. what's the matter?". gabrielle continued writing with her attention on her paper. "nothing I'm fine".

"oh please. you've been more down than usual lately. what happened? what did kai do?".

"he didn't do anything. it's my fault".

"your fault? what did you do?".

"he found out I had a boyfriend".

"gabby? you didn't tell him that?".

"it's not that easy michelle. I wasn't expecting all of this shit to happen. hell, I wasn't even expecting kai to even ask me out".

"you've been hanging with kai for weeks now. you don't think you had time to tell him in between any of those times?".

she deadpans her. "how do you have time to tell someone that? in the middle of dates you think I'm just like hey I really like hanging with you and I'm starting to like you but I have a boyfriend".

"you could've said something. you have his number right? you could've made it easier on yourself and said it through a text message or something".

"but I was planning on breaking up with him. i swear I was".

"either way you should've told him".

gabrielle sighs. shit. she should've. michelle was right. but how would the timing ever be right to tell someone that? her mind was swarming with ideas for how she could resolve everything. she waited patiently after philosophy class. even though her heart was practically pounding through her eardrums she exhaled before she approached him down the hallway. for the first time he didn't smile when he saw her. he looked at her as if she was every other girl that approached her.

"what do you want gabrielle?".

"heuning. I'm sorry. that was wrong of me to just continue on with this without telling you. i wasn't trying to be two timing I just didn't know how I was going to do it. when I'm with you I don't think about him, i forget about him".

"I'm glad then. this time away is probably finally getting you to remember him again?". he spoke calmly while walking away, out of the doors of the building and to the parking lot where his car was. gabrielle followed.

"it's not like that. why the hell would I try to play you? after all you've confided in me, why would I play with your feelings like that?".

"why don't you ask yourself that question?". he pulled open his car door.

"you're acting stupid as shit right now. for real. you should basically know me by now. I would never intentionally do something like that to you".

"why would you go on a date with me if you knew you had a boyfriend? huh? when I first asked you, you knew full well you were with someone. all of this could've been avoided if you told me the truth".

"go on a date?". a familiar voice repeated behind her. she quickly turned her head to see her boyfriend, noah.

"noah what are you doing here?".

"I drove up here thinking that since it's been a while, I should take you out or spend some time with you. I didn't think you'd be up here seeing somebody else".

"noah it's not like that I swear to god. we have to talk".

"this is what you wanted to happen right gabrielle? you didn't want to break up with him and you didn't want to tell me so you got what was coming to you. go deal with that. I have problems of my own to deal with". and with that kai got in his car, pulling off and driving away before gabrielle could say anything else. she shamefully turned back to noah who looked so disappointed that it actually broke her heart.

"you promised me that even while you were away your love wouldn't stop for me. and then you go do this shit. I'm done gabrielle".

"my love didn't stop for you".

"you don't do that to people you claim you love. I hope you're enjoying it here". she stretched her arm to grab his wrists but he shrugged her off and walked back to his car, leaving her feeling absolutely stupid by herself. her face felt extremely hot on her way back to her dorm and she didn't want to look up because she already knew her eyes were rimming with tears.

"girl? you alright? what's wrong?". upon entry bria could already sense that someone was off. and since gabrielle was in the comfort of her room now she figured she might as well let her tears fall. "you remember that night you told kai that I had a boyfriend?". bria nods before a lightbulb went off in her head. she covers her mouth. "gabby. don't tell me he didn't know. ya'll was talking?".

"yes. we've been hanging out for a while now and we've been into each other. I didn't tell him about noah. so when you said that it pissed him off. he didn't talk to me for days and then finally today when I confronted him, noah decides to show up and overhear us. he broke up with me. and now kai wants nothing to do with me because he thinks I was two timing him".

out of guilt bria pulls her roommate in for a hug. "I swear I didn't know I'm sorry that's my bad. why didn't you tell me you and kai was talking? you know I joke around a lot. I wouldn't have said shit if he didn't know".

"I was scared to tell you because I knew you would tease me about it and to be honest I was just ashamed of the fact that you were right. I shouldn't have came to college with a boyfriend if I've never really been on the dating scene before. when kai asked me out I didn't think about any of that shit".

"girl. this is a mess and is one of the reasons why I don't deal with men and their attitudes. and if it makes you feel any better I could understand why you didn't think about noah when kai asked you out. that boy is fine as hell".

gabrielle playfully punched her in the arm with a small laugh. "shut up bria. I know and I feel bad. like why would I play kai? who in their right mind would play kai?".

bria curls her glossed lips into a small smirk. "aw? you're in love with kai? aren't you?".

gabrielle ignores her to keep from blushing. " this is not the time. I just got broken up with".

bria laughs and tugs on gabby's cheeks. "aw my gabby is in love! I'm so mad that you didn't tell me about this. how did this all even happen?".

"I'd tell you if I wasn't in shambles. he probably doesn't even want to talk to me anymore".

"girl bye. I don't date men anymore but trust me when I did, one thing I learned is that if they like you they'll never leave you alone. that boy is just a little mad now. he's not going to stay mad forever".

gabrielle moves a pillow to the other side of her bed. "yeah, well. until then I'm just going to go to sleep. I need a nap after this shit".

"aw. well I'm going to get some food later. you want me to bring you back anything?".

gabrielle shakes her head no while clutching a pillow, ready to drift off. she wasn't keeping track of how long she slept but she just wanted to sleep long enough to where she could forget about everything. or at least to where everything didn't hurt as much. when she woke up her forehead was clammy and her room was dark, not a sign of bria anywhere. she figured she stayed over at diamond's. she turns the lamp on beside her bed and was greeted by a food tray container sitting on her nightstand. she didn't know what was in it but she was grateful for bria. maybe she wasn't as obnoxious as gabrielle made her seem.

she couldn't eat though, not right now at least. she couldn't stop thinking about what happened earlier which kind of pissed her off since she thought sleep could lessen the blow. but her heart ached just as much as it did when she was awake. she thought about what bria said. she's right. if kai liked her then there was no way he could stay angry. with that being said gabrielle discarded every bit of fear she had and threw on more comfortable clothes and made her way to his dorm. it was late so she wasn't expecting him to answer but she hoped he would. she knocked softly and her heart pounded with each knock. she didn't know what he would do or even say if he saw her.

to her surprise there was light shuffling behind the door before it opened, revealing kai in an oversized grey hoodie and messy hair. his face was flushed and he looked as though he were crying too. but she didn't want to make any assumptions. he folded his arms, not expecting to see her at his door at all. "what? what do you want?".

"I know you've probably heard this one thousand times from me but heuning I'm sorry. honestly. what I did was shitty. I should've told you. I only didn't because like I said, when I'm with you I don't think about noah, or anyone else for that matter. when I first moved into this school me and noah made a promise that even while I was away we'd stay together. so when I got here i had no expectations of being interested in someone else. but you make me feel things I've never felt before and I didn't know how I was going to tell him that I fell in love with someone else. I'm in love with you. and I'll admit that". she croaked. she didn't want to cry. no-- she was going to try and stay strong. kai starts swiping her tears away with his thumbs.

"don't cry gabrielle. i wasn't doing any of that to hurt you but I was angry because I thought you were trying to hurt me", he presses a kiss into her forehead. "I'm in love with you too". he pulls her in for a warm hug. "cmon. I have a place where we can go to blow off all of this".

and when he said that gabrielle didn’t think he meant the empty recreation center where the swimming pool and gyms were. once he brought her in and shredded his shirt he dived in the deep end in the shorts he already had on, then swam to the shallow end where gabrielle was standing there poolside with her arms folded, grinning at him. he shook his wet hair and combed it back with his fingers. the pool room was warm and she felt comfort in the fact that it was just them two in there.

“heuning are we even supposed to be here?”.

“why would they leave the door open if we couldn’t? I come here all the time. mainly at night where I can be alone. just to clear my head sometimes. you should come in with me”.

“I’m wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. I’m not prepared to get in. plus I can’t even swim. don’t worry though I’ll just watch you from the pool chairs”.

“just wear my shirt. It’s not scary I promise. plus this water is warm”. gabrielle stood for a moment in thought. he could tell she was still trying to decide. “please? I’ll teach you”.

she swipes his shirt off the ground and playfully rolls her eyes. “fine heuning. fine. turn around”. he smiled at that and turned his body, waiting for her to give him the signal that she was done changing. once she had though he marveled over her features as soon as he turned back around. he hated the fact that she was self conscious about her body. especially when he loved every part of her, and every part of cellulite and series of stretch marks that came with it. his oversized shirt dangled just above her knees and she stood there shyly.

“why are you staring at me like that?”.

“because you’re beautiful”. he walked to the pool stairs and held his hand out for her to grab. she did so and felt her body shudder a little at the sudden contact with water. it was easy to get used to since it was fairly warm. they were already at four feet but she was already getting anxiety thinking about sinking underneath the water.

“we can stay here if you want. we don’t have to go to the deep end”. kai informed leaning back, letting himself float on top of the water. “how do you do that?”.

“what? float? just lay back and relax”.

gabrielle thought about it and positioned her body to do it but she quickly got frightened feeling her head almost sink into the water. kai clutched her body just in time. he was holding her bridal style just at the brim of the water.

“relax. don’t think about anything”.

“I’ll try not to think about how a cute boy is holding me right now”.

“and while I’m holding you I’ll try not think about how a cute girl is swimming in my shirt”.

“other than the fact that it’s clinging to my body right now it’s kind of comfy. I think I’ll keep it”.

“go ahead. there’s plenty more where that came from”.

“sounds like I need to go shopping in your closet?”.

“you’d probably wear my clothes better than me”. kai smiles. “look. you’re doing it and I’m barely touching you”. her eyes widened with excitement.

“wait I’m doing it? Oh my god I’m floating!”. he laughs. “calm down before you sink. you’re supposed to stay relaxed remember?”.

"I'm relaxed I'm just excited!". her voice bellowed off the pool room walls and soon she began to quickly submerge in the water with her frequent movements. she hadn't sunk that deep, maybe a couple of inches or two but water still filled her nose and lungs when she breathed it all in. kai panicked and lifted her out the water and threw her over his shoulder, he walked to sit her on the pool ledge so she could take a break from the water. she was coughing and her nose burned a shit ton, she mentally vowed to never do it again. kai pats her back and consoles her, wondering how everything even happened so fast. "you have to be careful baby I told you to relax". he consoles. yeah, she was still trying to get her eyes to focus on earthly things but her ears were open enough to hear the pet name. she got butterflies when she was finally feeling well enough to look down into his eyes.

"what?".

she shook her head, implying that it was nothing. "you called me baby".

"yeah. because you're my baby".

she blushed. "I am? without permission? you didn't even ask me".

he gives her a gentle smile, taking her hand and hugging her torso from the middle of her legs. "gabrielle? do you want to be my baby?".

"yes. yes I'd love that".

he smiles again, the smile that she loved. there wasn't a delay in the kiss that he gave her, it was swift and smooth and he held her close enough to where the world around her blurred and suddenly there was no noise. just the beating of their hearts together, hopelessly, cynically in love.

after swimming she didn't want to leave him. maybe she found herself a bit attached but she didn't care and neither did he.

"I know you're devising a plan to steal my hoodies so. I might as well donate some to you while you're here". gabrielle shuts the door behind her looking over at the vacant bed across from his. "where's your roommate?". kai digs around his closet. "he's probably at some party or spending the night somewhere". he turns and throws a hoodie at her chest and she catches it promptly. she turned to the mirror and pulled it over her head to see how it would fit. firstly, it smelled just like heuning so she was already starting to love it even if it fit a little big. she turned to the side and posed so she could see different angles of herself as she did with every new article of clothing she had. she didn't notice kai lowkey watching from the side in admiration and amusement. she was adorable in his clothes.

her heart dropped when he appeared behind her. she was too busy thinking about the things she could wear with the hoodie she completely forgot that she was even in his room. he smiles sweetly at her through the mirror. "you look so cute". it was hard for gabrielle to keep trying to hide her reddening cheeks so this time she embraced it. she embraced him. she embraced the fact that no matter what she thought she looked like, kai would always see her differently. she embraced the way he embraced her. "thank you heuning". she mutters, meeting his stare. it wasn't a creepy stare but rather wholesome, he saw paradise in her eyes even if it was through a reflective piece of glass. for the first time in his life he felt something. he felt a connection. and she felt his hands encompassing her waist and his lips sprinkling soft, heedful kisses along the expanse of her neck. gabrielle drew in a sharp breath, observing it all through the mirror ahead. she reaches her hand up and allowed it to entangle in the damp curly strands of his hair. her head tilts back a bit further, giving him the opportunity to kiss the places that he abandoned. her heart was pounding but she no longer cared. the butterflies in her stomach was wrecking her much harder. she tilted her head back enough for him to look into her eyes again before swooping in for a delicate kiss that rippled fireworks through their veins. they were stuck like that for a while, enveloping in each other's warmth while their lips moved en masse. it was was one foot after the other until they fell onto the bed, giving themselves to the ardent love that they were yearning for.

when gabrielle awoke the next morning she faintly remembered falling asleep on kai’s chest but it was hard to remember much of anything with the yelling that was ringing through her ears. her eyes flickered open to see that she wasn’t cuddled with Kai anymore but instead gripping a pillow, and kai was at the door arguing with some girl whom she couldn’t see.

“can you quiet down? you’re being too loud”. kai exclaimed, wanting to just shut the door on Jessica’s face.

“no! no I’m not lowering my fucking tone for what?! you need to hear me. shit everyone does. you’ve taken this too far! you need to tell her already!”.

at the sound of her words gabrielle leaned up a bit rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “tell me what? heuning? what’s going on what is she talking about?”.

when kai looked back at her a guilty expression was drawn across his face. he looked as if he wanted to say something, he just didn’t know how. “It’s nothing gabrielle”. Jessica pushes his room door open and storms past him, approaching the bed where gabrielle was. “Jessica stop”. kai warned. but she ignored him and gave gabrielle an angry gaze anyway.

“kai never liked you. he never wanted to date you or any of that shit. since you rejected him the first time he made a bet with his friends that he could get you to fall in love with him and then sleep with you. all this shit is a lie”.

gabrielle clutched the blankets with her stomach churning and hands growing clammy. the walls around her seemed as if they were closing in and there was a large lump in her throat. she darts her eyes over at kai who was still wearing the same guilty expression from earlier. “heuning? what the fuck is she talking about? is it true?”.

“gabrielle”.

“tell me the fucking truth heuning kai”.

he swallows, just wanting to disappear. “it was true at first but—“.

before he could continue she felt sick to her stomach. she was upset beyond measure and instead of staying and listening to another lie she throws on her shoes and grabs her clothes, making her way out of the residence hall and into the quads. such a bright warm day contrasted the way she was feeling. her body was on fire and she didn’t know if whether she wanted to cry or go completely numb. she knew she probably looked stupid staggering through the crowded quad full of students in the midst of their Saturday festivities. gabrielle couldn’t even make it fully out the quad until she felt lightheaded and fell to her knees, puking her feelings onto the blades of grass. she couldn’t believe him. she couldn��t believe he would do something like that to her.

she hadn’t known that he followed her, stopping at a distance once he saw her throwing up. “gabrielle none of that shit is true anymore. here let me help you”. he reached his hand out but she spoke quickly with her stomach heaving. “don’t you fucking touch me heuning kai”. she wipes her mouth and dizzily stands to her feet, giving him the deadliest stare he ever saw in his life. fear and guilt washed over him. “gabrielle you have to believe me”. she draws a hand back and gifts him a stinging slap across his face. one so loud that it drew the attention of everyone surrounding them. kai was stunned, shocked even. he held his cheek in pain.

“that was such an asshole move I should’ve known. I was told to stay away from you and that you’re nothing but trouble but I decided to give you a chance because I thought that’s all that you probably needed. a chance to show someone who you really are but now I fucking know who you are. a lying piece of shit who doesn’t give a damn about anyone but himself”.

“gabrielle—“. he tries to grab her wrist but she swiftly pulls away. “I fucking gave myself to you. that’s something I vowed to do only when I felt like the timing was just right and you took advantage of that didn’t you? you got a kick out of knowing that I was a virgin freshman didn’t you? you’re such a bitch it isn’t even funny”.

“no you didn’t let me finish it was true at first I’ll admit that. I’ll admit I’m an asshole for even devising a plan like that but all of that changed once I met you gabrielle. I fucking forgot about the plan. I meant everything I’ve ever said to you. I want you and I’m so in love with you I can’t even put it into words. please. you have to believe me. I’m sorry”.

she shook her head in annoyance, unable to even withstand the sight of his face.

“fuck you, heuning kai”. she made those words her last before she turned on her heels to cut through the crowd, vowing to never speak to him ever again.

#heuning kai #heuning kai fluff #heuning kai angst #tomorrow x together #netflix fanfic

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years ago

Text

"Black Magic" *Part 14*

Awwww yeah, you've been waiting for so long ya'll, now your reward is two full chapters of....Well, I'll let you find out.

You're welcome.

PS- Okay fine I couldn't get too too NSFW right now, it's the middle of the day. Y'know what I mean? So I'm sorry it's so short, but I need to run out for a while and I want this to be extra special, it's a LOT of hype you know what I mean?

Check back tonight for "After hours" fun, and the finale.

Tag List:

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@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

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@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

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@omgsuperstarg

Part 13

Part 15

(^^^ This is you. ^^^^ 😉)

---

You blushed and smiled while Rafael still held you in his arms as Chloe and Maria rushed over.

“Oh my God HOW cute are you? It’s just like the end of a movie!!!!”

“Chloe--” You started.

“Yes I know, you’re welcome,” She giggled.

“What?” You and Rafael both looked at her in confusion.

“Uh, I’m pretty sure you were about to say ‘thank you Chloe, for giving me the love of my life’!” She looked at you with an ‘obviously’ look.

“....Weeeellllll,” You dragged out.

“Seriously?” She scoffed.

“I mean I got the job--”

“By manipulating the system,” Rafael added with a smile.

“Hush you,” You hit him playfully.

“And Rafael did say he was already in love with me, Soooo--” You nodded your head back and forth.

“And he also said he wouldn’t have said anything SOOOOO” She pointed out.

“I mean, he might have, someday--” You looked at Rafael, who gave you an iffy look.

“....Thank you Chloe, for giving you the love of my life. Thank you for everything good in my entire life,” You said sarcastically with a smile.

“You’re welcome!!!” Chloe beamed, throwing her arms around you.

“And speaking of the end of a movie--” You started.

“YESSSSSSS….?” She grinned.

“Movie’s over, Chloe,” You gestured your head at Rafael.

“....What?” She glanced between the two of you, you gave her an intense look.

“Right! Right, you guys just found each other, soulmates and all,” She waved her hands and bowed out. You and Rafael were just about to savor your alone time-- when Maria came bounding over to you.

“See, chiquita I knew it! The first time I saw you, I knew it was no brujeria!” She hugged you tightly, then hugged Rafael. “I told you Raffi, she’s a keeper,”

“Yeah she-- oh my god baby, what’s wrong?” Rafael suddenly became concerned when he saw you were crying.

“I just--” You tried to stop crying. “I had made peace with that day, that it was just-- for one day,”

“Aww honey,” He shook his head with a laugh as he hugged you.

“No, look Rafael--” You looked at him very seriously. “I-- You, you brought me to your most secret place, your familia, after we hadn’t even-- okay we may have made out in your office but that didn’t really count--”

“Baby,” He stopped your rambling with a small kiss.

“You have to believe me-- I would have taken you to Maria, and the fountain, and HERE,” He gestured around the cave. “Regardless of any ‘spell’,”

He took your head in his hands. “And you should know that I’m telling you the truth because that whole-- yellow, swirly, vortex of memories should just PROVE to you that I’m under ZERO kind of magic, or spells, or potions, or anything. It’s just ME, and ME is saying that I love you. I love you, and I have always loved you, and I want everyone to know it,”

“Okay…” You nodded with a small smile. “I just...I still feel guilty,”

“Well DON’T,” He kissed your forehead. “In fact, if anyone should feel guilty, it should be me,”

“You?” You half laughed. “What would you--”

“I remember everything, Y/N. EVERYTHING,” He emphasized.

“....Meaning…?” You raised an eyebrow.

“I remember how it felt, being under Olivia’s voodoo,” He looked at you sadly. “I remember everything I...said,”

“Oh…?”

“I was so cruel to you,” He looked down in shame. “I was so…”

“I know it wasn’t you, Rafa,” You assured him, now taking his head in your hands.

“...I called you a psychopath!" He looked at you in shame. “I PUSHED you, I--”

“HEY,” You stopped him with a finger over his lips. “We both did stuff we regret, clearly,”

He nodded silently as you removed your finger. “It was awful, Y/N,”

“...Yeah?” You asked. You felt so bad for him, it must have been a nightmare.

“YES. It was like-- like the real me was locked inside my body, just watching it do this awful stuff to you. I was screaming and fighting, that’s why I kept breaking out of it,” He put a hand on your face and you kissed you softly.

“Rafa…” You stroked his cheek.

“And she-- she made me bring her here,” He nodded at the celling, meaning the cave.

“What do you mean she made you bring her here?”

“I-- I don’t know how, I guess she…’overloaded’ me with that stuff so I was literally like a...Barba Bot,”

“Oh baby…” You tried not to laugh, but BarbaBot was too cute.

“...She, she told me to bring her everywhere that I brought you, so I brought her here. But I couldn’t tell her about Eduardo even under her highest power, so she--” He stopped, looking down.

“What…? She did WHAT?” You became really concerned, taking both of his hands and gripping them tightly.

“She pretended to be you,” He looked at you with the saddest eyes.

“I’m sorry, what?” You blinked in disbelief.

“She pretended to be you, so I told her about Eduardo. But I was reliving telling you. It was awful, I just watched myself telling her, wishing it was you,” Tears came to his eyes as he relived it in his head.

“Oh Rafa,” You kissed him deeply, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “But it’s over baby, It’s over,”

“I know, I know--” He kissed you again. “I just...I can’t believe this is real. This is happening, carino,”

“...You called me carino,” You bit your lip with a small smile.

“Yes,” He nodded with a smile back.

“On purpose,” You smiled bigger.

“Yes, cariño. Mi amor, amante, I’ll call you whatever you want Y/N. For the rest of our lives,” He pressed his forehead against yours. "I'm yours, now and forever. We'll be together, for real," He kissed you again, like he couldn't get enough of your lips.

“And...I think we should start right now,” He bit his lip while staring at yours.

“....Have we not been together…?” You looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Remember that first day, that first morning…?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“Yeah I mean you were insanely--” You stopped talking, suddenly realizing what he was saying.

“Maria!” Rafael suddenly turned to Maria with a smile. “I appreciate you being with Y/N, and helping her but--”

“Ay, Raffi. I may be old, but I’m not dead,” She winked. She hugged you one both one last time and walked away, finally leaving you and Rafael together, alone.

“So...my place or yours?” Rafael took your hand and started leading you out of the park.

“I mean, Chloe’s at mine so--”

“Oh definitely mine,” He chuckled as you both got into the Uber and headed to his place.

-----

Soon you arrived at Rafael’s place; as soon as you walked in he grabbed you in a hungry kiss. You jumped on his waist as you felt his throbbing erection against your thigh. You were lost in his touch, his mouth, the smell of his cologne. You remembered back toy your perfect day, when you were memorizing all of this. And now, you didn’t have to. You could have it whenever you wanted. And you wanted it NOW. You pulled back for a second, looking into his amorous eyes.

“What is it, carino?” He asked softly.

“I just...I’ve waited for this for a long time, maybe forever,” You gave him a happy sigh, running fingers through his hair.

“Well that’s a lot of pressure amante,” He chuckled, blushing a bit.

“Oh no no no,” You shook your head, wrapping your legs tighter around his waist. “I am just so happy--”

“Well you’re about to be a LOT happier, I promise you,” He grinned mischievously as he carried you to the bedroom. He tossed you on the bed as he unbuttoned his tuxedo vest and then his shirt, his shoes and his pants. His erection was poking through his silk black boxers as he got on the bed and crawled towards you, grabbing you in an aggressive kiss.

“You ready for this, Y/N?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“I’ve never been more ready for anything in my entire life,” You grinned as you ripped off your t-shirt, jeans and bra, leaving your top half exposed.

Rafael gazed at your breasts with admiration, playing and cupping them in his hands. His eyes then turned up to you, you’d never seen this look in his eyes. Not even under your spell. They were wanting, they were needing. And it was for you. He grabbed you in another kiss as he slowly slipped off your underwear.

Here we go….

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba fanfiction #law and order svu #rafael barba imagine #black magic #law and order svu fanfiction

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vixenpen · 4 years ago

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youtube

Fuck A Fan (Bakugo x Camgirl reader pt. 1)

You had gotten the idea from one of your best friends in the cam industry.

“You sure this will work?”

“Trust me boo,” he had replied, “sometimes the best motivation for a man is a little friendly competition.”

Your bestie had insisted that a fuck a fan contest would be the perfect way to get CallMeKing to finally make good on his unfulfilled promise to see you.

Putting the finishing touches on your flyer, you finally posted the announcement to all social media. You knew CMK was still lurking. So he’d definitely see it. Hopefully, this little contest would be enough to spark his interest, if this failed, you were going to scream.

Because for the first time in your cam career, a man had you chasing him.

The audacity!

To be fair, he did say that he wanted to see you too, but had to keep a low profile due to his career. He promised as soon as worked dialed down you guys would meet up.

Well that had been over a year ago, and not only had you guys not met face to face; he also didn’t seem to check in on you as much anymore.

He still tipped and re-subbed to your page. He had even cash-apped you money for Christmas and your birthday.

But aside from that, there were no more late night, sexting sessions, no more random check ins, no more nude trading.

At first, you brushed it off.

He was apparently a very successful man. Successful men were busy. They couldn’t give you every second of their time. As a successful woman, you could relate to that.

Not to mention, you were a bad bitch and bad bitches did not pine over any man.

PERIODTTT.

Buuuut...when the man in question was fine as hell with boulders for biceps, a big dick, and long money, well...you’d like to think the City Girls, Meg the Stallion, and all the other bad bitches you looked up to would understand your thirst.

“Alright, King,” you sat back in the furry, white computer chair and glared at your laptop screen. “Ball is in your court now.”

“Mr. Ground Zero, can I get a picture too?”

A precocious looking blue haired kid asked. He stared up at Katsuki with wide, hopeful eyes.

Katsuki grimaced.

“Whatever kid, c’mon.”

He leaned down, attempting to keep a safe distance from the walking germ pool, while keeping in the lens of his camera phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Thanks a lot, Mr. Ground Zero!”

The kid giddily ran back to his group of friends.

Kirishima slung his arm around Bakugo’s shoulder, weighing down on his slightly shorter friend.

“Wow, Bakubro, looks like those public relations training classes have really been working, huh?”

“Whatever, I just don’t need anymore shitty press with kids.”

“You still have energy for happy hour with Sero and Me tonight?”

Bakugo replied with a noncommittal shrug. He scrolled absentmindedly through his phone as he and Kirishima headed towards their agencies to call it a day.

He decided to check in on (cam name’s) IG page to see how she was doing.

A pang of longing tugged at him. He missed her. A lot. Sure, she was a cam girl, and being friendly and flirty was her job, but she always brightened his days. With crime picking up steadily over the past year, Bakugo could use her presence in his life now more than ever, unfortunately, nothing in his schedule would permit it.

He was researching a new threat that had been developing in the crime world. Apparently the new mob of villains seemed to have some connections to the crime world in America, and Bakugo found himself flying back and forth to the west for meetings and to make media rounds to help put the public at ease.

His sleep schedule was completely out of whack with all the stress he was under, so any spare moment he wasn’t working, he was sleeping. Which meant no time for his virtual boo thing. Though he did try to make it known he was thinking about her with bill money.

As he flipped through her newest posts, something caught his eyes.

Fuck a fan contest? Winner gets to make content with me at secure location!

What the fuck was this shit?

Whatever it was, he was certainly going to get to the bottom of it when he got home.

CMK: Hey, (cam name) what’s this all about?

Y/N: what does it look like? Fuck a fan contest

CMK: fuck u mean? You don’t do meet ups!

Y/N: 🤷🏾‍♀️ first time for everything.

Anger hummed beneath Bakugo’s skin. Since when did y/n start doing meet ups? She had always told him she didn’t trust her fans as far as she could throw them.

He had encouraged her to not be forthcoming with personal information and never feel like she had to meet up with randos online for money. He would take care of anything she needed before it came to that.

So what was the meaning of this? Had he not been taking good enough care of her? Keeping her bills paid? Her nails and hair done?

Y/N: u entering or what? 👀

CMK: hell no im not entering and neither is anyone else. Now take that shit down.

Y/n: (voice note) first the fuck of all, you don’t tell me what to do. Second the fuck of all, do you know how much money is in this? You ain’t stopping my bag boo. Period! 💅🏾

He was practically seething. Who the fuck did she think she was talking to like that?

Who the fuck did she think she was saying no to?!

His dick stirred in his pants as he re-listened to the voice note of her cursing him out.

CMK: how much does it take to win?

Y/N: just whoever has the most.

CMK tipped $150,000

CMK: now take it the fuck down

Y/N: nobody else has entered yet.

CMK: nobody else up here has the money I have.

Y/N: if you’re not meeting with me, I ain’t takin it down.

CMK: god fucking dammit y/n. Tonight. 9pm. Text me the addy. I’ll have my driver pick you up.

True to his word, CMK had his driver pick you up an hour and a half before the time he had mentioned.

Your knee bounced, causing the black mini dress hugging your shapely thighs to ride up. You pulled it down absentmindedly.

You could count on one hand how many times you had been flown out by one of your fans. It certainly wasn’t a weekly occurrence for you the way it was for other models.

Fear and excitement fluttered in your stomach.

You wondered what the driver thought of you. Heading to this rich and powerful man’s house in the middle of the night.

You had tried to dress up as if you were going to be taken on a fancy date. Your hair styled, silver chandelier earrings dripping from your lobes to match the long silver necklace that dipped between your pushed up cleavage.

If the driver gave two shits, you at least hoped he thought you were going to get a nice meal before getting dicked down.

The community where CMK lived was on the outskirts of town; hidden in a forest of natural and manicured foliage. One could go literal miles between each home before they saw the next one.

You pressed your forehead against the window to take in the flora and fauna, manicured lawns, and huge mansions. So. Many. Styles. Of mansions!

“Here we are ma’am.” the driver announced.

He drove you up a looping, stone drive way that led to a very modern home that reminded you a bit of abstract art what with its odd angles, jutting sides, and square architecture.

The driver stepped out and opened your door. Once you were faced with the massive stairs and wooden doors before you, the song: Pretty Woman blared in your mind. You certainly felt that way.

Before you could knock, the door swung open revealing a pair of red eyes that were devouring your body head to toe.

“Oh my god...”

“Wasn’t expecting to hear that before I even touched you, beautiful.” He chuckled. His lips quirked into the cocky half smirk you’d grown familiar with from his interviews.

Was this real? Call me king was Ground Zero?!

“C-call me king?” You managed to stutter out pitifully.

“I would prefer to call you by your real name.” He joked. “Come in, beautiful.” He grabbed your hand gently and pulled you through the door.

You couldn’t even appreciate the high ceilings, polished wood floors, and tasteful stone wash colored furniture as you followed Ground Zero through the door.

He took leggy strides into the airy kitchen taking out a couple of glasses from a cupboard. You could only gawk.

He looked good as hell in his short sleeved denim button up shirt and ripped black jeans. His physique flexed under the well tailored clothes showing off the broad chest and bulging biceps you’d seen in the Nudes. His spiky Blonde hair looked soft and a bit damp.

“You wanna drink, beautiful?”

“I don’t accept drinks from new people in new environments.”

He looked up to shoot you a half smile. The usual mischief was missing from his red eyes, replaced with genuine affection.

“Of course you don’t. My (cam name.)”

“F/N,” you replied.

“Bout damn time you gave me a real name. Mine is Bakugo, babe.”

He strolled over with a glass of water for himself.

“So, f/n,” his ruby colored eyes darkened with a predatory gleam as he stepped right to your face. “Why don’t you have a seat? I promise the couch won’t bite.”

He brought a hand down to smack your round ass, making you jump.

“Can’t say the same for myself though.”

Licking your lips, you lowered yourself into the couch. Bakugo settled beside you so close the sides of your bodies touched. He draped an arm around your shoulder.

“I know you got a camsona and all, but damn, y/n, where’s my feisty little c/n? Huh? Lil Ms. Period!” His voice took on a lighter tone as he tried to imitate your twang.

The attempt earned him a giggle.

“Well excuse me, sir, but I wasn’t expecting the number two pro-hero in Japan to be my biggest fan.” You snapped back, playfully rolling your eyes. “Forgive me if I’m still wrapping my brain around it.”

“There’s that smart ass mouth I love so much.” He tucked your chin.

This close to him, you could feel his warm minty breath fanning against your lips. A familiar warmth was already growing between your legs.

Pulling away you asked: “Why me?”

“Hah?” His brows knit in confusion. “Fuck kinda question is that? What do you mean why you?”

“I mean, I’m a bad bitch or whatever, but I’m just...me and you’re...you.”

“Tch. You just answered your own damn question, dumb ass.” He tilted your face back towards him. You felt his other large hand roam the bare skin of your thigh and shivered.

“You’re a bad bitch. You don’t seem to forget that any other time, don’t fuckin’ forget it now, got that? Your confidence is what’s sexy about you.”

A smile tugged at your lips as heat flooded your cheeks.

“You know, when you’re not being a fuckin’ asshole, you can be pretty damn charming when you wanna be.”

“And when you’re not being a defiant little brat, you can be real fucking cute.”

A moan slipped from your glossy lips as his hand crept steadily up your thigh

“Please,” you leaned closer to him, “you love my brattiness.”

He scoffed, amused.

“I’ll show you just how much I like it.”

Without warning, Bakugo scooped you up. His large, rough hands dug into the soft flesh of your round ass as he straddled you on his lap.

Your wet, bare pussy pressed into his bulge as he stole a greedy kiss. Your gasp quickly morphed into a moan as desire burned in your core and flooded your entire body.

His tongue overtook your mouth effortlessly.

“No panties, huh, brat? I can feel you leaking through my jeans.”

“I hate panties,” you managed between kisses. “And bras.”

That little confession just inspired more arousal in Bakugo. He deposited you on the long couch and let his hot tongue snake along every sensitive bit of exposed flesh he could find. Goosebumps rose on your skin.

“Damn, beautiful,” he managed between kisses, “can’t wait to taste the rest of you.”

His bulge rubbed your aching clit deliciously.

You tugged his shirt up over his mess of blonde hair.

He grabbed the deep ‘V’ of your dress and ripped it open, drawing a gasp from you.

“Now we match.” He grinned

“You ass—“

“You’ll have a new outfit by tomorrow afternoon, now shut up.”

True to his word, Bakugo tasted every inch of you. He nibbled your ears making you shiver, licked your nipples making you hiss his name, and devoured your toes like blow pops.

Your body was trembling from sensory overload.

“God..” you moaned.

“You look like you want something, babe,” Bakugo smiled wickedly as he hovered above you. “What is it?”

“Eat me.”

#bnha headcanons #black writers #mha headcanons #bnha #my hero academia #bnha imagines #bnha bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugo x reader #self insert #bnha smut #bnha scenarios #my hero fanfic #bakugo smut #boku no hero academia #Youtube

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ve1vetyoongi · 4 years ago

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better with you | 02

Chapters: index

Pairing: Seokjin x female reader

Genre: fake dating/arranged marriage!au, smut, angst, humour.

Word count: 18k

Summary: A part time job as a chef at Paradise Resort seems like the perfect way to spend your summer and save up some spare cash to open your own restaurant back home. That is until you cross paths with the CEO’s son who threatens to fire you if you don’t help him inherit his trust-fund-baby-fortune. How? By making you his fiancé. Well, his pretend fiancé at least.

Warnings: (mostly) fluffy smut, unprotected penetrative sex, handjobs, oral (f recieving), creampie, spanking, lots of pining hhhhhh.

A/N: HELLO omg it’s literally been so long since i updated this fic and let me tell you it was so fun to finally write for these characters again!!! thank u for everyone who has sent lovely asks about the first chapter and for waiting so long for the next one! ily and i hope ur all staying safe and well during these crazy times my honeybuns <3<3

"Seokjin," You gasp. "N-not here."

Fingers toy with the hem of the expensive sequin dress you found wrapped up in tissue paper on your bed that morning, edging agonizingly closer to the damp throb between your legs that under normal circumstances would require immediate attention from Seokjin -- if only you weren't in the back seat of one of the Kim's private cars.

"Why not?" Seokjin mumbles against your neck, the way his plump lips nibble the lobe of your ear making you shiver. "I know you're wet for me. Nobody has to know if I just..."

His palm cups your heat brazenly, and you have to bite back a moan, cheeks flushing when Seokjin chuckles low and gravelly against your ear. Your arrangement as you've taken to calling it has been going on for a few weeks now, Seokjin dragging you along to family outings and fancy dinners as his fiance and rewarding you with sensual rendezvous and get-to-know-me time in between.

"I know you want it, sweetheart." He drags a finger down your panties and you whimper. "Just say the magic word, and I'll give it to you."

Oh god. You are so weak for his touch, and he knows it. The things Seokjin's tousled hair and cocky smirk make you feel should be illegal. Anyone would think you have the sex drive of a teenage boy, constantly eager to jump his bones just looking at him. But not now, not here. The windows might be tinted, but you are sure you spot the chauffeur's eyes drifting to the backseat in the rear view mirror.

"Sir," The driver coughs, eyes trained politely to the steering wheel. The car has stopped at some point, not that either of you noticed. "We have arrived."

Seokjin flashes you a satisfied look as his hand reluctantly slips out from beneath your skirt so he can fish around in his back pocket for his leather wallet, throwing a couple fifty dollar bills on the front seat as a tip. "Thanks, Pierre."

You're still busy straightening your skirt when the car door opens and a black-gloved hand helps you out onto the sidewalk. You can't help but blush ferociously when you meet the driver's knowing gaze, a smirk playing on his lips. "No problem, sir'"

"I'll take it from here." Seokjin nods to the driver and slips his elbow through yours. Pierre lifts his black cap, before getting back into his shiny Mercedes and whizzing off into the city traffic.

Your legs shake in your stilettos, partly because you're not used to walking in anything other than your beat up converse but mostly because of the reassuring smile Seokjin sends your when when he see's you glancing around nervously.

You're in a upper class part of town, the street lined with shiny black cabs and designer boutiques with French names you can't even pronounce. You can't help but feel out of place, like the eyes of every passerby see right through your immaculate rich facade and see you for the ordinary kitchen girl that you really are.

"Don't worry," He leans down, pressing his lips to your ear so only you can hear as he pretends to adjust your diamond necklace. At least you think its diamond...what would you know? "You look beautiful. Just relax."

A small smile plays on your lips. Beautiful. It makes your heart flutter like a butterfly between cupped palms, even though you know it shouldn't. That's been happening a lot lately, and you don't like how easily he can make you melt. Snap out of it! You tell yourself.

Still, his reassurance makes you feel more at ease than before, and you straighten your shoulders with a new found confidence as Seokjin takes your hand in his, even if it is just for show. You have to make the fiance thing believable, after all.

"You still haven't told me where we're going." It's true -- Seokjin is good at keeping secrets. Probably because he knew that you'd say no to most of the crazy situations he seemed persistent on putting you in.

"Don't hate me," Seokjin eyes you carefully. You narrow your eyes, with a nod that says go on. "Hyejin wants us to go dress shopping."

"You bought me this new dress this morning?" You smooth down the front of the floaty summer dress that hugs your figure.

He coughs, eyes averting yours. "Wedding dress shopping."

That's when you come to a stop on the sidewalk outside of an elegant white-brick bazaar, eyes widening at the glaringly white dresses styled on mannequins that stare at you from behind the floor to ceiling windows.

Seoul Bridal - For All Your Wedding Dress Needs.

Your blood runs cold. Oh no.

You grip his hand tighter. "I'm going to kill you."

Seokjin is already pushing open the door with a chuckle that mingles with the tiny tinkling bell that rings out and announces your arrival. Too late to kick off your stiletto's and run.

"After you, sweetheart."

"Welcome to Seoul Bridal," A pretty lady with curly hair in a striped pant suit welcomes you inside with a hand shake. Her name tag says Wheein, and you can't take your eyes off the red lipstick on her teeth. "It's nice to finally meet you, Seokjin."

"The pleasure is all mine," Seokjin responds, voice deep with a suave charm that makes the girls behind the reception desk giggle unashamedly. For some reason you have to resist sending a glare their way, not missing the way your chest burns when Seokjin flashes them a dazzling smile. "Hyejin said you had some ideas for Y/N's wedding dress?"

"Of course. We have everything ready. We just need to get some measurements first." She smiles at him courteously, then whips a tape measure out of her trouser pocket which she wastes no time in wrapping around your waist. "Arms up, please." She murmurs as she slides the glasses balanced on top of her head behind her ears so she can get a better measurement of your shoulder width. You send an eyeroll Seokjin's way when you hear him snort bemusedly at the sudden man handling.

While Wheein bites the cap off a pen with her teeth and scribbles down the size ratio of your waist to your hips for future reference, you finally get the chance to take in the boutique properly. The sweet scent from the bouquets of white roses all over the room fills the air and the walls are painted a blush pink to match the faux fur rugs. Streams of sunlight pour through the chiffon curtains making the racks of blindingly white wedding dresses of all sizes and designs glow invitingly.

"Which one am I trying on?" You ask absentmindedly, nodding towards the sea of satin and lace hanging delicately from pink hangers.

Wheein looks up confused, then her nose wrinkles with distaste."Oh, none of these darling. You deserve the very best." She starts walking quickly towards a back room, heels click clacking as she beckons you to follow her with a crook of her finger. "We received some luxury designs from two of our best designers in London and Milan just this morning -- oh! And it looks like the dress from Paris just arrived!"

She shuffles you and Seokjin into a private dressing room, seating you on an elegant couch upholstered with grey velvet. Seokjin picks up one of the gossip magazines on the coffee table and helps himself to the complimentary cupcakes, all while you wring your hands together nervously, Wheein emerging from the large closet with three white garment bags.

"Here they are! Oh, how exciting." She claps her hands together with a beaming grin in your direction. With a flick of her wrist she removes all three bags, revealing three of the most beautiful dresses you've ever seen. You must look dazzled, because Wheein crosses her arms triumphantly. "Hyejin knew you'd like them. Just wait until you see the veils..."

She disappears into another room, and you're left gawking at the garments set in front of you like a goldfish. Fingers trembling, you reach out and touch the first one. It has a giant poofy skirt, like something you imagine a princess would wear, and you imagine how it would float down the aisle like a real life cloud. The second is more slinky, with shiny beads littering the bodice that glint silver beneath the glow of the chandelier and the third is made from gorgeous lace that shows skin in all the right places.

"How much did these cost?" You hiss to Seokjin, ripping your hand away like your touch alone might burn a hole in the fabric.

"Hm?" He says through a mouthful of cake, eyes widening when he takes in the dresses for himself." Too much, probably. Hyejin went a little over board but honestly, these aren't as bad as I was expecting." Seokjin runs his hand over the lace one, and nods approvingly. "You should've seen the rejects. One had a trail longer than my monster coc-"

"I can't try on any of these!" You splutter, arms hugging your torso. They're too beautiful for someone like me, is what you want to say, but you don't. "I'll look dumb."

"Just do it." He leans back against the wall with a roll of his eyes. Like this is all nothing to him. "It's not like you actually have to get married in one of them."

Ouch. His words sting, even though you know they're true, and you're reminded of the real reason you came here in the first place. It makes your stomach turn, how he can go from the sort of sweet Seokjin you know when you're alone to the cold, arrogant rich guy in the drop of a hat.

You turn away so he doesn't see your frown, when you catch a glimpse of something white in the corner, poking out from beneath a dust sheet. Your curiosity gets the better of you, and before you can help it you're crossing the room and ripping the sheet away to reveal another dress; except this one makes something in your chest flutter.

It's simpler than the others. Tiny white roses are stitched into the sleeves, the neckline dipping into a V shape where the bouncy chiffon skirt meets the satin waistband. It's straight forward, uncomplicated. Just how you like it.

"Have you decided which one you want to try on first?" Wheein's shrill voice calls, but it's drowned out by the blood pumping through your ears.

"That one." You breathe, pointing at the dress that you can't help but reaching out to touch.

"That one? Are you sure, darling, I'm sure we can find something more fancy--"

"No!" It comes out too loud, and you cover it with a cough, turning to send her a pleading smile. "I mean, no, no thank you. This one, please. I want to try it on."

"You know, when Hyejin told me Seokjin was finally getting married I just knew you would have to be something special." Wheein says once you're safely alone in the dressing room, away from prying eyes and mischievous ears. "Suck in."

"Hm?" It's all you manage to get out as you're strapped into a boned under-corset that feels like its trying to squeeze every last breath out of you. You're so close you can smell her floral perfume.

"It's just that I've had so many wedding dresses made that never made it to the aisle. Honestly I was starting to think Seokjin would never settle down..." She trails off, lip tugged between her teeth as she helps you step into the floaty white dress, tying the belt into a bow at your waist before stepping back to admire her handy work. "But now I see what made him change his mind. You make a beautiful couple."

"Oh." You realise she's looking at you, a blush creeping up your neck. "Right."

If only she knew the truth.

You start to turn towards the mirror, but she plants a hand on your shoulder hurriedly. "Nuh uh. No peeking yet." You feel your face drop. "Don't look so worried. It looks perfect. He's going love it."

"I...I have to show him? Now?" You shift uncomfortably. The shoes are rubbing your soles and the sleeves sort of itch. "Isn't it bad luck for the groom to see the wedding dress before the big day?" You ask sheepishly.

"This is just the rought blueprint," Wheein reassures. "It doesn't count."

"I..." Your voice breaks. The thought of Seokjin sat out there with his roaming eyes seeing you in this dress makes your stomach churn. "I'm nervous."

"Don't be. Save that for the big day." She bites her lip, stepping back to look you up and down like there's something missing. Her eyes light up, and she digs around in a leather trunk in the corner to retrieve a sparkly tiara which she tucks neatly into your hair. "There. Perfect. Now lets not keep him waiting, hm?"

"Holy shit."

The words leave your mouth before you can think better of it.

Your reflection stares back at you, wide eyed and awe stricken, except it doesn't look like you at all.

The dress is beautiful. There's no denying it. It hugs your waist perfectly and the skirt waterfalls down to your ankles in just the right way. Wheein tugged your hair over your shoulders so the sweetheart neckline shows off just the right amount of collar bone, tiara sparkling beneath the soft light. A matching veil partially covers your face, and you've never felt more beautiful than you do now.

It's almost enough to make you want to believe that this is all real. That you're marrying Seokjin. That you get to walk down the aisle looking like...this.

"I don't see why I have to get all dressed up, Wheein, it's no big deal -- woah."

The door flies open, and your eyes snap up to meet Seokjin's in the mirror.

He has half of his seventh cupcake hanging out of his slackened mouth, his hair gelled back and tousled to reveal his forehead, and his piercing brown eyes that can't seem to decide where to look, glancing up over your exposed shoulders and down to your ass and back again, like he can't get enough.

He's lost his casual slacks from earlier, seemingly under Wheein's instruction, now clad in a black suit and matching shiny-toe'd shoes. His tie hangs slack around his neck, like he tugged it loose, and he fiddles awkwardly with his cuff links as he tries to get a grip over his roaming eyes.

"Y-Y/N you look--"

"Beautiful, right?" Wheein straightens his shirt, fastens his cuff links and knocks him beneath the chin to remind him to close his gawking mouth with a tut. He nods, speechless. "I'll leave you two to talk."

The door shuts behind her, and the room suddenly feels quieter than now you and Seokjin are alone, him on one side of the room, you on the other. You dare to meet his eyes and you find them staring straight at you, the glint that's usually there replaced with a wonder that's soft and gentle around the edges. You melt beneath his gaze.

He clears his throat, scratching a phantom itch at the back of his neck. It's the first time you've seen Seokjin seem sort of...awkward?

"C'mere." His voice is low, filled with something you can't quite put your finger on. "I want to see you."

You have to remember how to get your feet to work, hesitantly putting one in front of the other to cross the room. Seokjin stands with his palms clasped, a small smile playing on his lips as you close the space between you, and you swear you can hear the wedding bells already.

After what feels like ages, you stop a few paces away from him. He steps towards you carefully, flipping the veil out of your eyes like he's done it a million times before.

"Hey." You whisper. You don't know what else to say, but it makes Seokjin laugh and the sound makes your chest squeeze.

He looks dapper in his suit, like a real groom, and as he leans in closer, closer, until there's barely any distance between you, you can smell his cologne.

Your eyes fall shut instinctively. You almost swear when you open them there'll be a pastor and a pair of rings and Seokjin will be saying I do--

"You scrub up pretty well, huh?" His breath tickles your ear, and your eyes snap open to punch him in the chest playfully.

"I could say the same for you, mister."

A thumb grazes your jaw, tucks a piece of hair behind your ear. "Whoever gets to marry you is one lucky bastard."

The pounding in your chest is so loud you're sure the whole store can hear it. His lips are inches from yours, parted and plush. You've kissed them plenty of times before but only in the height of passion. Never like this. Not when his touch feels like a jolt of electricity running straight from his body and right into yours.

Just when you think he's going to give in and close the distance, he turns your face in his palm and plants a peck on your cheek. It's soft, careful. Like he's not really sure of it himself, his hand running through your hair before he takes a couple steps back with a shake of his head. Like he almost did something he shouldn't have.

"What time do you have to be at work?"

The question breaks you out of your trance. You realize he's staring at you expectantly, waiting for an answer. "Oh--not until this evening." You manage to choke out.

"Good. Then you're all mine for the afternoon." He grabs another cupcake from the stand and disappears behind one of the fitting room curtains. "Hurry and give the dress back to Wheein and I'll call Pierre to come pick us up."

"Where are we going?"

You hear him snort. "You'll see."

"This is where you wanted to take me?"

The late afternoon sun sparkles on the surface of the Paradise lake like diamonds. It's peaceful here at this time of day, the gardeners already disappearing into the lounge for a late lunch, rows of pastel canoes tied up to the dock bobbing in time with the chirping birds.

"Well?" Seokjin huffs impatiently. He's stood in the hull of a dark blue canoe that he stole from the boat shed — or borrowed, as he put it, since everything here belongs to him anyway — hand extended towards you. "Aren't you getting in?"

You narrow your eyes and nod towards the sign that says NO BOATS ON THE LAKE AFTER 4PM in curly gold letters. "Isn't that breaking the rules?"

Seokjin raises a brow, jangling a set of keys. "I own this place remember? Besides, I stole the boat worker's keys so we can stay for as long as we want."

The breeze ruffles your skirt, a shiver running down your spine when you peer over the edge of the dock and see your sheepish reflection staring up at you from the water, rippling and watery around the edges. You never did like deep water, and the thought of getting in that rocking capsule of death makes your stomach churn.

"It looks cold," You point out, grimacing at the clear blue water. "What if we fall in? Do you even know how to steer this thing?"

Seokjin shoots you a look, like you just said the dumbest thing he's ever heard. "Pfft. Of course. I've been taking rowing lessons since I could toddle."

Of course he has. You roll your eyes. Rich kids, huh?

"Oh come on, it's fine!" He jumps up and down as if to demonstrate just how safe, but the boat just rocks manically side to side and he has to grab the dock to steady himself before he plunges straight into the lake. He flashes you a sheepish smile. "See?"

You cross your arms, unconvinced. "Yeah, I think I'll pass."

Seokjin slumps into the canoe with an exaggerated sigh. "Well goddamn, I'm sorry for wanting to do something nice. We don't get much alone time so I thought—" He waves his hand at you in frustration, starting to unravel the rope keeping the boat secured to the dock. "You know what, fuck it, I'll just go by myself—"

"Wait!" Something about the disappointed frown on his face makes you change your mind. Fuck it. "I'm getting in."

He pauses, and then his lips curve up into a small smile. Not his usual too-big-too-polite smile; the kind of smile you reserve for special moments. The glint in his eye is back, and if your legs weren't already jelly, they are now.

"I knew you couldn't resist me." He stands up and puffs out his chest, offering you his hand again, which you take this time.

"Don't be an idiot." You flush. "The lake just looks inviting today."

"Whatever you say, sweetheart." He chuckles, before his arm wraps around your waist so he can throw you over his shoulder and tip you into the canoe.

"Seokjin!" Your knuckles whiten with how hard you grip the edge of the boat that tilts left to right sickeningly with the impact of your limp body being man handled into the hull. "Be careful!"

"Okay, okay. Just sit back. Relax. Enjoy the view..." You wobble over to the wooden seat opposite him, grateful for the way the boat balances out on the surface of the water. "Let me take care of everything."

You have to admit the view is beautiful. Dangling your hand over the edge of the boat, you let your fingers swirl through the cool water, and listen to the hum of a speedboat nearby. The sun has turned the water a yellowish hue, like liquid gold.

When you look back up at Seokjin, the sight of his lightly perspiring skin glowing beneath the stream of light as he unties the left oar practically takes your breath away. You almost want to reach out and see what it would feel like to touch his cheek, run your hand down his chest where his flesh peeks out from the top of his dress shirt...

"Ah, shit!"

There's a light splash and you're snapped out of your trance, a pair of sheepish eyes staring back at you.

Yeah. Never mind.

Seokjin peers over the edge of the boat, watching as one of the oars floats into the middle of the lake. The canoe has already floated just out of reach of the dock, so without it you are stranded.

You let out a panicked groan. "I thought you knew how to steer this thing?"

"I do!" He grunts, a flush creeping up his neck. "Besides, I said I knew how, not that I was good at it."

He fumbles with the latch beneath his seat which opens to reveal a secret compartment, inside of which are a pair of life jackets, and, much to your relief, a spare oar.

"Aha! We're saved." Seokjin pulls it out and waves it at you with a look of satisfaction.

You roll your eyes and settle back into your seat as Seokjin grasps both oars and starts to row. "Wow, my hero."

"Don't thank me too hard." He snorts.

You shoot him a look, and he breaks into laughter, the sound melodic enough to have you joining in and before you know it you're both chortling uncontrollably. It feels easy, nice.

Your laughter dies out into a hazy giggle, and you shut your eyes, letting the sun caress your face.

"You're nothing like how I expected you to be, y'know."

Seokjin splashes you gently with the oar. "What did you expect?"

"Hmm, I don't know. Stuck up, selfish rich dude with an ego complex?" You snort, but Seokjin's chuckles have disappeared now. His brows are furrowed when you open your eyes, and you feel sort of bad for ruining the ease that had settled between you. You shift awkwardly. "Can you blame me?"

"Huh," The boat floats beneath the shade of a weeping willow, the scent of white blossoms and freshly cut grass filling your senses, and Seokjin hauls the oars into the boat so he can rest for a while. "You know, it pisses me off that everyone sees me that way. I don't want to be that guy."

"Why?" You're surprised by his honesty. There's a sincerity in his voice that you've never heard before.

"I just...I just try and fit in. To make everyone happy, I guess."

He avoids your gaze, looking out over the lake with his chin in his palm and his shoulders slumped. Your heart twists.

"If it helps, I don't see you as that guy anymore." You shrug. "When we first met I thought you were just like everyone else at Paradise. But you're...different from everyone around here. Nice. Underneath all the designer of course." That earns a snort from him. "Why do you hide that side of yourself?"

"You're hardly one to talk about hiding, kitchen girl." He crosses his legs and points a finger at you. "One minute you're calling me a douche and shooting arrows like an Olympian and the next you're getting all insecure when I call you pretty or something."

You feel a blush rise in your cheeks. Insecure? Is that how he sees you?

"Do not." You mumble.

"You act like you're so much better than me for being good, and then have a fit when I say something nice."

"Well, I never asked you to call me pretty. That wasn't part of the deal." You pick at an invisible piece of lint on your skirt. "I figured you were humouring me."

Seokjin's eyes turn serious. He leans forward, like he's about to take your hand or something but changes his mind.

"I know...that what we have is weird. I know I ask you for a lot, and we're supposed to be strictly friends with benefits but—" He sighs, trying to find the right words."I like spending time with you. Like this. Just us."

You feel giddy, suddenly shy beneath his gaze. "I do too."

"And I always mean what I say, Y/N." A breeze ruffles his hair, and he shoots you a grin. "Like I said earlier, whoever gets to call you theirs is one lucky bastard."

I'll be yours, you want to say, but you know it would be futile; someone like Seokjin could never belong to you, and that's exactly why you don't belong here.

"Oh shit."

Before you can respond, Seokjin's expression is turning grave as you both watch with matching horror as the spare oar splashes into the lake.

"Please tell me there's another one underneath there." You nod towards the storage compartment with wide eyes.

"Nope." He scratches his neck awkwardly and shrugs."That was our only one."

"Then shouldn't we call for help or something?!"

"No, I have an idea. You lean over the edge and I'll hold your legs."

"Me?! Why can't you do it."

"Because I'm heavier, duh? I'll tip the boat." He links his fingers together pleadingly. "At least try, or else we'll be stuck out here all night!"

You cup your hand around your watch face to block the glaring sun. Your kitchen shift starts in forty five minutes and you can't afford to be late. Namjoon will certainly fire you on the spot.

"Fine!" You wobble to your feet and slide over to his side of the boat. "But you better not let go, or I'll kill you."

Seokjin salutes. "Scouts honour."

Before you can change your mind, Seokjin has both hands wrapped around your thighs and you're sent hurtling head first over the edge of the boat, face inches from the water's surface.

With a grunt you extend your arm, and your fingertips barely brush the oar, sending it further away.

"Fuck!" You call over your shoulder. Seokjin is red in the face with extortion, and you feel the boat rock as you lean further out. "I can't go any more or we'll tip!"

"Just a little more!" Seokjin yells back. "You've almost got it."

"Okay...almost..." You shift a little more and aha! The oar is just within your grasp! Until you hear a low buzzing coming from behind you, and you hear Seokjin yelp, his grip on your legs starting to slacken... "Jin? what are you doing?"

"Get off me!" He yells, letting go of you in favour of slapping something on his shoulder wildly, and before you can give him a piece of your mind the canoe loses its balance and tips upside down, sending the pair of you hurtling into the lake.

You manage to hold your breath before you go under. The water is an icy shock on such a warm summers day, your limbs flying into action and scrambling wildly until you break the surface and take a heaving breath.

Wiping the tendrils of dripping hair from your eyes, you glance around for Seokjin, but he's no where to be seen.

"Seokjin?" You call, panic evident in your voice. "Where are you?"

Bubbles appear on the surface of the water, and before you can let out a sigh of relief, a hand grabs your ankle and yanks you back under the water.

When you surface, choking and spluttering, you're beneath the cover of the upturned canoe. Seokjin grins at you, whole and in one piece and perfectly alive, and you can't help but feel pranked.

"Hey, sweetheart." He drawls, running his fingers through his soaking hair. The shadow of the rippling water reflects on the underside of the canoe, turning his skin a pale blue. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Seokjin!" You yell and he jumps when you start splashing him wildly. "What the fuck was that?"

He shields his face with his hands."It was a bee! I'm allergic."

"So? I was hanging out of a fucking canoe!"

"Oops." He's chortling now, and it echoes beneath the canoe. "Did I let go?"

You splash him again, and he grabs your hands with his to stop you from sending another tsunami his way. His palms are warm compared to your clammy ones and his eyes are watching you fondly, but that just pisses you off even more. "Okay! Okay! I get it, I'm sorry okay?"

"You idiot! Now I'm all wet and I'm totally going to smell like trout at work and—"

"Just shut up for a second would you?" A hand brushes the tangles of wet hair from your cheek, and before you know it a pair of plump lips are crashing against your own.

"Mmf!"

You're surprised at first, but there's something so tender in the way his hand cups your chin to pull you closer, how his arm curls around your waist, and before you know it you're grabbing him by the collar and kissing him back wildly like the world is ending and you're the last two people on earth.

"You're kinda cute when you're mad." Is what Seokjin whispers against your lips when he pulls back, out of breath.

"Oh." You breathe, a smile beginning to play on your lips. "Okay."

It's like you're in your own little bubble. Just Seokjin and you. You and Seokjin.

Until it bursts.

"Holy shit! Are you guys okay?" The sun is glaringly bright when the canoe is ripped away from your heads, and you have to squint through your fingers to see the figure swimming towards you.

"M-mr Kim?"

Seokjin jumps back from your body at the sound of his title, his hand letting go of your wrist. It falls into the water limply.

"That's me." He coughs, straightening his tie, like he isn't soaking wet and it's somehow going to make him look more professional.

"I didn't know you were rowing today..." Your eyes focus, and you instantly recognise Taehyung, the Paradise lifeguard. You have met a couple times at staff meetings.

Shit. You turn your face to the side, and hope he won't look to closely.

"I wasn't." Seokjin deadpans, gesturing to his soaking appearance. "Y/N and I thought we would go for a swim."

"I— oh." You muffle a chuckle at Seokjin's sarcasm and the wide eyes of the life guard who seems utterly stunned.

It doesn't seem so funny when he turns to you suddenly, eyes scrutinising, and offers you his elbow.

"Here take my arm, we have to get you two dry."

You glance at Seokjin carefully, but he just nods for you to go ahead, so you take Taehyung's arm and let him pull you back to the dock, Seokjin leisurely kicking on his back behind you like he doesn't have a care in the world.

Once you're safely on dry land, Taehyung disappears into the boat shed before returning with a pair of towels which he drapes around your shoulders with a concerned look.

"Take these. You aren't hurt, miss?"

"No." Seokjin answers for you with a roll of his eyes. There's a bite in his tone. Is he...jealous?

"Good, this is why we say no boats after 4..." Taehyung sends Seokjin a stern look, and you feel the tension rise when he just clicks his tongue in response. "I should really report this to my supervisor."

"We won't do it again," Seokjin's eyes bulge when you grab Taehyung's forearm. The lifeguard seems surprised himself, looking you in the eyes for the first time. You turn on a sickly sweet tone and bat your lashes. "We can keep this between us, hm?"

"I...I suppose so." Taehyung coughs, but then his eyes narrow. "Hold on a second. Do I know you from somewhere?"

Your mouth turns dry. "I..."

"No!" Seokjin jumps in between you, wrapping a protective arm around your shoulder. "She's not from around here."

His face has turned a deep shade of red, and you can feel his heart beating rapidly against your back. Anyone would think he was embarrassed. Then again, what did you expect? You are just a kitchen girl after all.

You nod slowly. He sighs with relief. "No. We've never met."

Taehyung scratches his chin, stepping back to get a better look at you. "It's just you look super familiar..."

"We have to be going now!" Seokjin stands up suddenly and grabs you by the hand. He squeezes extra tight, swinging your interlocked fingers where Taehyung can clearly see them. "Thanks, uh...Taehyung?"

"My pleasure, Mr. Kim." The lifeguard looks startled by Seokjin's sudden departure, but steps back to let you pass. "Be careful next time okay?"

"Yup, we will kid."

"Thanks!" You call over your shoulder, as Seokjin is already dragging you away from the lake and up the steps to the grand veranda that lines the resort.

"Thanks?" He rolls his eyes. "Y/N, the lake is like a foot deep, it's not like we were gonna drown."

"He was nice..." You bump his shoulder playfully. "Why? You jealous?"

His cheeks flush pink. "No! Of course not, I just...didn't like the way he looked at you."

You reach the top of the steps, and Seokjin slows down to a leisurely walk once he's in the clear. From here you can see the whole of the resort, sprawling greenery and luxury living in all its glory.

"Speaking of, that was a close one." You laugh. "He totally almost recognised me."

"Yeah." Seokjin laughs too, but then his face drops. "You're right. That was close."

"Seokjin?"

He stops, and turns towards you. His hand drops to your waist, lifting you up so you're sat on the balcony's edge, and then his mouth is capturing yours once again.

This time something feels different. It's desperate, but timid. Passionate but broken. It leaves you breathless.

He pulls away first.

"Jin, what just happened—"

"I..." He swallows thickly and looks away. "I shouldn't have done that. I've gotta go. I'm sorry."

It's then, as he turns and hurries down the back staircase towards the plaza and leaves you all alone on the veranda, that you realise you had never let go of his hand, not even for a second.

"I had fun tonight." Seokjin says as he drops you off at the Paradise gates after an evening spent perusing high fashion wedding venue magazines with Hyejin over tea and finger sandwiches. "Hyejin looked like she was on the verge of a stroke when I suggested walking down the aisle to The Thong Song."

Seokjin boasts a simple T-shirt and tailored pants tonight, the turtle neck draped over his shoulder unnecessary on such a warm and sticky summer night blessed by the lingering caress of the day's blazing sun. The drive slopes downwards, Seokjin's angular shadow a contrast against the twinkling lights that blur Paradise into a picturesque backdrop of pristine white brick, and a warmth spreads through your chest as he beams at you.

"I thought it was a fine choice," You muse, suppressing a giggle when you think back to the way Hyejin dropped her teacup at Seokjin's suggestion, eye twitching in disgust. "We're not even engaged yet and she already has our entire wedding planned out."

Oops. Seokjin stiffens. Your laughter comes to an abrupt stop, face reddening with embarrassment at your slip up. Of course you aren't engaged. You never will be. At least not to each other.

He's been weird like that, lately. Ever since that day at the lake when he left abruptly, seemingly shaken up, you've been walking on egg shells around him. One wrong word could send him flying away with that same scared look in his eye. And honestly, you still don't understand why.

All you know is that things have been different since you almost got caught at the lake. Sure, you've continued to hook up like normal, but Seokjin seems to be making a conscious effort to be more distant around you. You haven't talked about what happened that afternoon on the veranda, but it's clear something did; Seokjin hasn't kissed you since.

If Seokjin notices your poor word choice, he doesn't mention it. "Pretty sure she has my entire life planned out too." He murmurs almost bitterly, despite his face boasting a smile that doesn't quite meet his eyes. You figure it's better not to press him further.

He walks beside you to the end of the drive in a relative silence that feels all too loud — not awkward per se but filled with a definite unspoken tension that has you hiding behind your hair, eyes trained to the ground because you don't know how you are supposed to look at Seokjin when it was just you and him.

Moments like this, not heightened by passion or under the watchful eyes of his family are rarities. You take a deep breath and try to savour the taste of geraniums which lingers in the air from the gardens and the closest thing to normal you have ever experienced around Seokjin.

Despite the the emotional distance Seokjin seems intent on keeping in place, every physical step seems to edge you closer to him, eyes trained to the way his shoes sidestep until you are practically shoulder to shoulder. Seokjin doesn't so much as look at you as he does so and you are content to think he is too deep in his own thoughts to notice the way your bodies cling to each other like magnets, until the tips of his fingers brush against your palm in a delicate touch that may have been perceived as intimate had he not ripped it away with a pained expression, like he touched an electric fence or something.

You have admit that you felt it too. The spark as they describe it in romance movies. It was more of a tingle really, warm and fuzzy as it fizzed all the way from your hand to a spot in your chest suspiciously close to your heart that was beating a little faster now as you imagine how it would feel if he took your hand in his.

Except he doesn't. And when you glance up at him he is no longer engaged with his own thoughts but rather staring at you with a questioning look, brows slightly furrowed, and embarrassment replaces the fuzz in your veins when you consider for a moment that perhaps he was reading your mind and the completely inappropriate thoughts for a fake bride to have for her fake husband along with it.

The flush that caresses your cheeks is nearly as vibrant as the rose bushes which line the drive, perfectly pruned and as beautiful beneath lantern light as they are in the day and a perfect reminder of your embarrassment as you create a relative distance between your body and his. That way you were sure you could keep your hands - and your thoughts - strictly to yourself.

Far too quickly you find yourself turning the corner onto the street where you always part ways, the stoney gravel evening out into the same boring old scuffed concrete that winds through the entire city, a clear indication that you were leaving behind the Paradise grounds and entering the not so pristine visual of reality.

Usually you were glad to be on your way, sick of talking about neck lines and lace types and the way your shoulders ached from nodding politely at people who got wine drunk on weekdays but tonight you feel like you could keep walking with Seokjin forever in this strange bubble of unspoken words.

But you know as soon as he stops dead beside you that the bubble has already burst, floating away just out of your grasp like the false reality you live at Paradise.

"I'll be going then." It's quiet out here, not a trace of the music from Jazz night at the bar or the laughter of couples crossing the plaza to their suites after a few too many Chardonnays. Seokjin opens his mouth and then closes it again while you fidget awkwardly. "Thanks for a good night."

The way you say it sounds like he took you on a real date, one that you were supposed to thank him for. It's too late by the time you realize that a boundary has been overstepped when Seokjin doesn't return the genuine smile you shoot him as you turn to leave.

"Wait!" The click of your shoes against the sidewalk halts at the serious husk in his tone, jarringly loud against the silence. "I need to ask you something."

His face is partially lit by the street lamp you find yourself beneath, casting half of his face in a golden glow that emphasizes the shadow of his lashes against his cheeks when he closes his eyes, as if to briefly collect his words.

Despite your better judgement, probably blinded by the normality you had fallen into, you press him further. "What is it?"

"Listen Y/N..." Seokjin scratches the back of his neck and you shift awkwardly in front of him, chest suddenly tightening with a niggling dread. "You haven't told anyone about us have you?"

"Us?" Your eyes widen. Since when did Seokjin start referring to you as a pair? You tilt your head quizzically. "I mean, your sister and your parents know —

"No, I mean the things that we...do in private." The summer evening suddenly turns chilly. Seokjin must notice when your face drops, the way you hug your arms to try and keep hold of the warmth that had practically singed each of your nerve endings just a moment ago.

"Things?" You splutter. "Is that all they are to you?"

You can't help it. The way Seokjin talks when you are intimate, the way he kissed you so desperately that day on the veranda -- it made it feel like those moments meant more to him. He was damn convincing - when he told you that he wanted you, you believed him - and you can't help but feel cheated.

Seokjin's brow simply furrows, flummoxed by your sudden outburst. "Yeah, I mean we had an agreement — isn't that all they are to you?"

An agreement.

The way he says it sounds like your relationship is strictly business. As if he's paying you for a service - which, in his own way, you suppose he is. Sure, you knew he wasn't really going to fall in love with you in the way he told his family he loved you but you thought he at least felt something — no, you were sure he had at the lake. Maybe you were just confusing pleasure with intimacy.

Still, the way his finger points at you accusingly makes a hot rage rise in your chest but you simply take a shaky breath and plaster the closest thing to a grin on your features as you can muster.

"Of course they are." The sweetness in your voice is a little too forced, but it goes unnoticed on Seokjin who lets out a sigh of relief. "None of this means anything. I know that."

"Good. Then we're on the same page..." He still looks slightly unconvinced - you can just make out the way he narrows his eyes doubtfully in the dim light - but he doesn't have time to press further before a black car rolls into the drive and he clasps your wrist to pull you across the paving and into the shadows. "Watch out!"

Seokjin suddenly yanks you closer to him, your chest nearly pressed up to his. You almost mumble a thanks, idiotic enough to think that his only motive is to prevent you getting flattened by a Mercedes Benz nearly invisible in the night if not for the crunch of tyres against gravel.

But then you feel his breath hitch when he catches a glimpse of your white kitchen uniform reflected in one of the tinted car windows, sending a salute towards the security guard in the drivers seat with fingers crossed behind his back, and you silently condemn yourself for thinking he cared about anything other than his reputation even for a second. You go numb.

You look between your bodies where your hand dangles limply in his grasp. Just a moment ago you were envisioning how it would feel for him to hold your hand in his, the way his skin brushed yours enough to give you shivers. Now it just made the hollow ache in your chest throb with a cold emptiness.

Seokjin strains his neck, only releasing you from his hold when the glow of headlights disappears around a corner and you are smothered by darkness again.

Seokjin's sigh of relief stings. The words never leave his lips but you can tell what he was thinking. Phew, now I don't have to explain why I, almighty Kim Seokjin, was conversing with a staff member after hours. Lucky escape!

A smile appears on his face, as if you were supposed to share his relief. "So, same time tomorrow?"

You feel yourself stagger away from him in shock. Seokjin is many things but you didn't think he was heartless. It's enough to send you over the edge.

"Clearly we are not on the same page." You spit. "Actually, you know what? No. I'm busy tomorrow."

Seokjin scoffs, running a hand through his hair. "Doing what?"

"I have things to do." Your emphasis on the word makes his eyes widen,

"Oh great!" He barely raised his voice before glances behind him warily, making sure there was no one around to see him getting heated. When he turns back his voice is nothing but a harsh whisper. "And what do you expect me to tell my family, huh?"

"Tell them that your fiancé to be had to go do the job they actually pay her to do." The way he laughs breathily makes your fists clench at your sides as you turn on your heels and stalk down the street before he can see the way your face reddens with a combination of hurt and anger, though not before you are calling over your shoulder despite knowing it would only fuel the fire. "Unless you're too embarrassed to tell them who I really am."

"You don't seem to mind when you're cashing in your favours." He calls after you, hands on hips with a bitterness lacing his voice that makes your heart twist painfully.

You hear the way your pulse quickens, the lump in your throat growing bigger and bigger as you stop dead. "What?"

"Y/N, I didn't mean that I —"

"So that's what this is? You are embarrassed of me?" Your voice raises incredulously. "Is that why you've been so weird with me since Taehyung almost recognised me at the lake? You're scared someone will snitch on you to your rich friends?"

"No, I--"

"No what, Jin?" You let out a hollow laugh. "I thought I meant more to you than that."

Seokjin pinches the bridge of his nose. "It's just you and I...we could never be anything more, you know that right? I don't want you to get the wrong idea. We don't come from the same background and it would be..." He pauses. "Inappropriate."

"It's too late, anyway. Forget I said anything." Tears streak your cheeks hotly and you hide behind your hair, determined to hide your weakness from him. "This was a mistake."

You start to walk away, but then you're running, as fast as you can away from Paradise and all the hurt. The sound of Seokjin's tennis shoes hitting the concrete picks up as he follows you down the path, calling your name, and for a moment you think he's going to comfort you. Tell you that he was sorry and that none of this was meaningless to him after all.

But he doesn't.

"I'll text you!" Is the last thing he calls before you disappear around the corner out of sight. You want to sneak a look over your shoulder, see him standing there at the end of the street beneath the street light.

Instead you resist, letting the bitterness pooling in your stomach rise up and burn your throat like bile. "Don't bother!"

Either he listened or he didn't mean it when he said he would text you.

The anger that ran hot through your bloodstream after your fight with Seokjin has faded to nothing but an indescribable emptiness and regret.

You haven't heard from him in three days. That is a long time where Seokjin is concerned and completely out of character.

Even on normal days, when you had a day off from pretending to be his fiancé, Seokjin would find a way to make you laugh by sending you a low angle selfie from the dinner table at one of his father's business conferences or a cheeky message to let you know he'd just seen you walk past the golf court wearing the red sundress that he liked.

You couldn't remember when Seokjin became a normal part of your day. Just like brushing your teeth or washing your hair, you had become almost expectant of a vibration against your thigh at work or the ping! of your ringtone before you went to sleep or even a heated make out behind the restaurant when you just couldn't wait any longer.

So when it all suddenly came to a stop, you were sure you were going crazy. All you were left with was a feeling of emptiness, as if something vital was missing.

It wasn't even as if he owed you anything, not really - it was true that the romance wasn't real and even the sex was just sex to him; but at some point you had to admit you had crossed some kind of invisible barrier. In between lying to his family, public "dates" flavoured by champagne and hanging off his forearm at celebratory cocktail parties, you and Seokjin had become friends.

(Sort of. If you ignored the parts where his lips made you lose your breath or the night's that ended with his head between your legs.)

So god forbid you expected something from him after your fight the other night. A sign that he cared, if even a little bit. An apology for the way he'd deliberately tried to hurt you.

That's how you find yourself checking your phone anxiously on your kitchen shift breaks, refreshing your inbox obsessively and trying to ignore the heaviness weighing down your chest with each passing hour without even so much as one of the cheesy emojis he used way too frequently to be ironic lighting up your screen.

He even stopped dropping by the restaurant under the guise of a casual lunch like he usually did. You found yourself on edge, breath fogging up the glass of the window with your disappointment every time you heard the door zip open and you rushed to greet him, only to be met with someone utterly not Kim Seokjin.

You thought you saw his broad figure dipping into one of the other restaurants across the plaza instead one afternoon as you left work and you couldn't help but wonder if he shamelessly flirted with the kitchen staff there, too.

It hurts knowing that it was so easy for him to cut you out of his life completely when he had become such a constant part of yours. It hurts knowing that he probably wasn't even thinking of you when he was the only thing on your mind.

And to make matters worse, it seems that the tight smiles and vacant nods you shoot Jimin as he divulges the latest and greatest Paradise gossip he overheard while serving at some fancy dinner party last night didn't do a good job at hiding the melancholy gloom which hangs over your head.

He's still talking as you swipe your cards to check out of work, charmingly holding the door ajar for you to slip outside the restaurant where you told Jungkook you'd wait for him to join you.

The air is cooler than expected against your face, the first time that summer where the sky is covered by splotches of grey cloud that refuse to let any blue peek through like an ugly patchwork quilt that mirrors your ugly mood.

"Y/N, didn't your hear me? Mr Kim's wife literally grabbed him by the balls and threw him out of the building when she caught him cheating with the waitress — wait, are you okay?"

Jimin is already half way down the limestone stairs, too caught up in his own dramatic storytelling to notice the way you stand rigid at the top. The phone in your palm is lit up with the same three words that have haunted you all day — NO NEW MESSAGES — but Jimin's question breaks your trance for a moment.

"Huh? No, I'm fine." You assure, slipping the device into your back pocket, swallowing thickly and mustering up a watery smile you hope will appease him before he can ask any more questions.

It doesn't work.

"You've been acting weird all day." Your legs feel wobbly as you close the distance between you, like the very foundations of your body are beginning to give in to the weight that has set up camp in your chest no matter how hard you try to ignore it.

"I have?" Jimin is peering at you with narrowed eyes, not malicious necessarily but inquisitive. They narrow further when you sigh shakily, averting your gaze to the shirtless gardener who mows the green lawns that spread out as far as the eye can see into perfect lines, counting the distant rose bushes as a distraction from the impending tears that have begun to well. "I don't want to talk about it."

Jimin throws an arm around your shoulder a little too roughly to be comforting, following your stagnant gaze. "Damn he's kinda cute." The lack of witty remark from you when he lands a jokey punch to your shoulder seems to finally perk Jimin's attention. "Tell me, are you and Mr Kim Seokjin having trouble in Paradise?"

Jimin lets out a snort at his own pun before he spots the sullen look on your face, covering his impending chuckle with a cough and releasing you from his grasp to sling his hands in his pockets awkwardly. "Oh shit, really?"

You simply sniff in response, allowing that to be confirmation enough, slumping down onto the grand staircase and letting your face fall into your hands.

Jimin plonks down beside you, sidling up until your knees touch, the simple act of comfort making the tears that had been threatening to emerge all day prick hotly at the corners of your eyes.

"I messed up, Jimin." Your voice is muffled by your palms but that doesn't mask the way it wavers slightly, Jimin's hand immediately rubbing soothing circles into your back. "I think he's mad at me."

"Why?"

"Because I basically told him that I kind of have feelings for him—"

"You did what?" Jimin grabs you by the elbow, alerting the atention of a guy in a velour tuxedo leaving the restaurant who gives the hot tears staining your cheeks a funny look. "Hold up, go back. You have feelings for Seokjin?"

Even with vision blurred by tears you can see the wide eyed expression on Jimin's face. You cross your arms in a pout. "Well you don't need to say it like that."

"Like what?"

"Like the idea is completely crazy or something."

Jimin runs an exasperated hand through his hair. "So you mean the truth?"

It isn't the way he says it so much as the realisation that he is right that stings. You bow your head, a few silent tears rolling down your cheeks until you can taste their saltiness. "I know, I know. I'm not good enough for a person like him, I was stupid—"

Jimin shakes his head gently, placing his palms firmly on both of your shoulders and forcing you to face him head on. "Listen up because I'm about to serve you a cup of piping hot real shit, okay?"

You wipe your nose noisily on your sleeve, giving him a curt nod. "Okay."

"The reason you and Seokjin will never work out has nothing to do with you so I won't accept any of that mopey shit." Jimin shakes you vigorously as if he is knocking some sense into you, and you offer him a tearful giggle. "Truth is, Seokjin can't see a good thing when he has it because there is no room in his rich ass heart for anything other than money and his reputation."

"But—"

"No buts!" Jimin shucks up his sleeves until they cover his hands like paws, using the fabric to dab away your tears, unphased by the growing damp spots on both of his cuffs. "The sooner you realise that Seokjin's issues are not your issues the better."

Your tears are dry now. You're pretty sure Jimin's pep talk ended your momentary wobble but your voice still sounds slightly hoarse when you speak. "It just felt like more when we...you know..." You wave your hands around wildly hoping Jimin will fill in the blank, which he does with a click of his tongue.

"Then you need to stop sleeping with him immediately."

"What?"

"You know what I think?" Jimin links his arm with yours, pulling you alongside him. "I think that you're confusing intimacy with actual feelings."

Maybe he's right. It's natural for emotions to be heightened when Seokjin is making you literally fall apart beneath him, probably for him too which would explain the intimate things he had said. Perhaps all this time you were just confusing loving the way he made you feel for loving...him. After all, you had always thought the regular Seokjin was kind of an asshat at times. Of course you didn't have feelings for him!

"You know what? I think you're right." Jimin raises his eyebrows in surprise, as if he was expecting you to be harder to win around. You slap a palm to your forehead. "I can't believe I actually thought I caught feelings for him for a second."

"Happens to the best of us." Jimin grins. "If I was getting dicked down by that beautiful god of a man then I'd want to have his babies too. Imagine how cute they'd be..."

"Jimin!" You smack him playfully before leaning across to rest your head on his shoulder, his chuckles vibrating against your cheek. "You just basically told me he's an asshole."

"And I stand by that!" He defends, letting his own cheek rest against your hair. "But you can't deny that he is fucking inhumanely gorgeous..."

"Are we talking about Kim Seokjin again?" A dry voice appears somewhere behind, making you jump and pause your laughter. A glance over your shoulder reveals none other than Jungkook, arms crossed and a sullen vibe emanating from the way his thick brows furrow so deeply they almost connect. Come to think of it, he always seems to be moody where Seokjin is involved. Huh.

"Why? Are you gonna try and tell me that he's not that buff again?" Jimin scoffed, stiffening ever so slightly beside you and refusing to even glance in Jungkook's direction.

"No, I just don't see why we have to always talk about him." Jungkook puffs, blowing his bangs out of his eyes bitterly. "Besides, I just saw him outside the kitchen and his body isn't that good. I'd hardly say 'sculpted'."

Huh? Seokjin? Outside the kitchen...

Neither of the boys seem to share your bewilderment, launching into a spat heavy with a tension that had been building long before. "And what would you know, anyway?"

"I go to the gym!" Jungkook flexes his arm, earning a scoff from Jimin to which he frowns. "Look!"

"You saw Seokjin where?" You breathe, butting into the squabble and drawing two startled looks when you jolt to your feet, wiping off the back of your leggings.

"O-outside the kitchen...why? I assumed he was waiting for you..." Jungkook is wide eyed, blinking with a lack of understanding considering his previous absence. Jimin has already wrapped his hand around your wrist to pin you in place.

"He is?" You nibble your lip.

You imagine him leaning up against the wall outside the kitchen, probably looking at his watch impatiently as he waits for your shift to finish. He never could wait for long so perhaps he'd even already left, storming off to go let his anger out in a game of extremely competitive table tennis with a retired CEO in the lounge.

But there's a chance he is still there and that he was waiting for you and even though every fibre of your being screams that it is a bad idea, you just want to see if it was true. If he really was thinking about you. If you'd misjudged him after all and a part of him did care.

"Y/N this is a bad idea." You're already bounding down the steps when Jimin tugs you back to offer a slice of reality. "Remember what we just talked about? Not catching feelings." He draws the last word out and wiggles his eyebrows which only makes Jungkook even more confused.

"It'll be fine Jimin," You brush him off though it sounds a little like you are pleading with him. Carefully dislodging your wrist from his grip, you plaster a reassuring smile to you face that doesn't seem to appease his anxious foot tapping. "I won't let him get inside my head. I'm not confused anymore, see?"

"Fine. Knock yourself out." Jimin steps back, gesturing for you to go forth which you do far too quickly for his liking, flashing him a thumbs up before turning your back and disappearing down the steps before he can protest any further. "But promise to call me immediately if you get horny feelings again!"

The way your heart thumps in your chest as you speed walk around the building has to be unhealthy.

You slow down as you get closer to the corner that obscures the back of the restaurant from view, taking cover behind a bush pruned into a perfect ball.

There he is.

Your breath hitches. It's almost as if your brain tricked you into believing he was a figment of your imagination these past few days without him. Like you made the whole thing up. But no, here he is and he's breathing and he has blood pumping through him just like you and he's so real that it hits you like a freight train.

For the first time this evening, the sun pokes it's head out from behind the clouds, a small crack opening up in the sky that sends a stream of soft golden light cascading across him. And almost as if in unison, it feels like the light shines right through the Seokjin shaped cracks in your heart as you watch his eyes flutter shut at the kiss of warmth and his arms reach above his head to lean into the light in a leisurely stretch.

It almost feels like you are seeing him for the first time all over again.

If Seokjin didn't let out a sigh of impatience in exactly the way you imagined he would, shaking his head and throwing his hands into the pockets of his gym shorts in defeat, you would have been content to just watch from the sidelines like you promised Jimin you would.

Perhaps you wouldn't have rushed out from behind your camouflage of foliage, sending a garden gnome flying in a crash of broken china in your haste. And even more importantly, perhaps you wouldn't have found yourself calling out for him to stop.

"Seokjin!" Your voice sounds small but the word flies out before you can slap your hand over your mouth to keep it in. It's familiar on your tongue, like coming back home after a long trip, and you savour the taste.

"Y/N?"

Seokjin stills at the crunch of your shoes approaching him tentatively, shoulders squared as if weighing up his options - fight or flight? - and just as you think you are mistaken and he didn't want to see you after all, he's taking flight - straight towards you and drawing you into his arms in an uncomfortably tight bear hug.

His chest hits yours with a force that makes you literally lose your breath, hairs on your arms rising as you feel his warmth encapsulate you completely like a comforting blanket.

The sudden embrace stuns you to a shocked silence, arms pressed to your sides stiffly as he buries his nose in your hair and takes a deep inhale. Is Kim Seokjin smelling your hair?

You have to admit the scent of his cologne makes you giddy, a little woodier around the edges than you remember it to be which you put down to the still slightly sticky and sweaty gym clothes hugging his torso. Under normal circumstances you would've been grossed out but the heightened thump of your heart in your ears acts as an ample distraction.

For a moment you forget about Paradise and the argument and the door to the kitchen beside you that could open at any moment. It's just you and him again, and you're melting.

You could stay like this forever, if his grip didn't tighten considerably, as if he was trying to squeeze the breath straight out of you and hold that too, and you are pushing his chest away from your body with a cough. "Jin — can't breathe!"

Seokjin lets you go — reluctantly, settling for holding you at arms length instead — and you are sure you spot his neck flush at the nickname you used accidentally.

"Sorry." His gaze dips to your feet and then drags all the way back to your puzzled eyes as if he is taking all of you in, like you had changed since he last saw you or something as if that wasn't just three days before. A lazy smile appears on his face. "Missed you, that's all."

His words are slightly breathless and punctuated by a shake of his head as if he can't quite believe he's saying them either and the honesty is so unlike him it makes your chest ache.

"Then why didn't you call?" There's a snipe in your words that seems to jolt him out of his sunny disposition, mouth downturning into a frown, arms dropping from your shoulders and going limp at his sides instead as if he is coming to his senses. "You're the one that's been avoiding me."

His shoulders droop awkwardly. "I'm sorry."

"It just didn't make sense why you would stop talking to me—."

"No, not for avoiding you — well I am sorry for that," He explains. "I mean for the things I said. The other night."

You furrow your brows, stunned. "Why?"

"It was mean and...truthfully I couldn't face you because of it." He drags a hand down his face and presses his back to the wall in defeat, giving you a perfect view of the regret that makes his jaw tighten.

With a sigh you sidle up next to him, careful to leave enough space between you so that your arms don't touch. Deja vu masks the ordeal and you realise it's all too similar to the first time you met in this very spot, watching the very same plaza except today it's still bustling with life beneath the orange glow of the setting sun and you have to squint to see it clearly.

You clear your throat. "I thought it was because of the things I said. About us."

"No!" His exclamation is a little too quick, too loud, and he looks embarrassed, following it up with a gruff "Don't be stupid."

"Well don't worry. While you've been avoiding me I've had plenty of time to think it over and you were right after all."

His nose scrunches, a habit of his you've noticed before that gives him an air of innocence. "I was?"

"Yeah, I think I must have had a few too many glasses of champagne at dinner that night." Your laugh is hoarse with the effort it takes to force it past your lips. "I'm happy with our agreement how it is. You don't need to worry about me going all crazy on you again."

"That's...good." His adam's apple bobs. He seems unconvinced by his own words. "Good. I'm glad."

Then he smiles and your heart throbs so hard it could explode so you just smile back and join in with his nervous laughter.

"So we're okay?"

"We're okay."

There's nothing left to say; now it's clear where you both stand. So why is Seokjin opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish?

"Is that all you came here to talk about?"

His laughter stops, and then he coughs and puffs out his chest, returning somewhat to the cocky Seokjin you are used to.

"Actually I was thinking...it's getting kind of late. It would be bad mannered of me to let you walk home alone."

"Why? I always walk home alone?" Seokjin never seemed to possess the worry you can see in eyes before when he dropped you off outside the club and watched you disappear into the night multiple times a week.

"For protection. Just in case." He rolls his eyes, as if it should have been obvious.

"It's okay, I've got pepper spray in my bag plus it's like 5 PM—"

"No. Protection for me." He suddenly pleads. "My mind will start to wander if I go back to my apartment alone again."

Seokjin seems so serious you know you can't reject him now without your conscience taking a beating, so you choose to say nothing at all. You want to be there for him, but at the same time you know you're only going to get hurt. The toe of your shoe draws circles in the dirt. "I don't know what to say."

"How about you don't say anything and just come to my place instead?" Your neck snaps up. He's never invited you to his place before. It always seemed like an inappropriate boundary to cross considering you are hardly even friends let alone lovers. "That way we both win."

You smile and he seems relieved. "I guess, just for a little bit."

"Great! Think of this as you doing a favour for me."

"Again?" You roll your eyes teasingly.

"I repay you don't I?" He sees your face fall. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that—"

"I know." You butt in. "It's fine. Really."

A silence falls in the same way it did the night you fought and it seems neither of you know what to say next. Truthfully you're just glad he doesn't seem mad at you, his quiet company a familiarity that tells you nothing has changed between you.

That is until he leans in a little too close and his fingers brush your wrist. You swallow thickly and wait for him to push you away again, when you feel him hesitate.

This is supposed to be the part where he pushes you away again, looking at his hand in disgust or wiping it on the back of his pants like he touched something dirty.

Instead, he reaches between you to link his fingers carefully with yours. It's like you are suddenly filled with helium, at risk of floating away if the feeling of Seokjin's warmth beside you wasn't there holding you to the ground.

"Is this okay?" You ask with wide eyes, nodding down at where his slightly clammy palm smothers your own.

He nods. You melt.

"You were right, the other day." Seokjin squeezes your hand comfortingly. "I need to stop hiding how I really feel."

You've never been to the residents part of the resort before. You never dared. But truthfully, by the time you realise you are walking not floating, you are already half way across the plaza.

Seokjin guides you around the circular fountain spitting water from the mouth of a cherub, carried by the breeze as a fine mist that feels cold and refreshing against your hot cheeks and marches you up a marble staircase to the resident lodge which rises up out of the ground like a beautiful half moon of white brick, stylish balconies decked with jacuzzis, chiffon curtains and a sea of people who fit Seokjin's class perfectly.

A tired looking doorman stands posted to the entrance and despite feeling Seokjin stiffen beside you, he never lets go of your hand. Not even when the doorman gives you a once over, an eyebrow raising at your casual attire.

You wait for Seokjin to force the doorman to sign an oath of secrecy when his eyes widen at your interlinked fingers, except the moment never comes. He simply rubs his thumb across your knuckles soothingly, striding straight past the doorman and holding the gilded door open for you to slip through himself.

You mumble a thanks, letting out a breath you didn't know you were holding and hope Seokjin can't feel the way your heart thumps against your rib cage uncontrollably. For what reason you can't quite decide — is it because you're conditioned to fear getting caught with Seokjin or because he doesn't seem to care?

Seokjin doesn't let go of you until he has to press the elevator button, and it feels ten degrees colder when he does. Your curious eyes take in the perfumed lobby, grand staircase winding upwards as far as the eye can see, lined with a carpet that's intricately embroidered with gold thread. Paintings line the walls which makes the place feel like some sort of museum and you half expect someone to ask you for an entry fee.

Then the elevator's ornate doors open with a ping you thought only existed in movies and Seokjin's hand is back and shuffling you into the elevator at the small of your back, refusing to leave even once you are inside.

The elevator is lined with polished mirrors and you do a double take when you make eye contact with your reflection, nearly reaching out and tapping the glass to check they are real and not the kind you find at a carnival that make everything look distorted. The way Seokjin pulls you closer to his side makes you look like any one of the other normal couples who frequent the resort, if you ignore the way your baggy cardigan contrasts his head to toe designer outfit.

Seokjin's too busy humming along to the classical music which crackles through the speakers overhead to notice the way your gaze travels to him. You know he wants to make you think that none of this affects him like it does you and his unbothered attitude would have worked had you not noticed the way his cheeks have a pinkish tinge, even in the dim yellow glow of the elevator.

The elevator opens, and you follow him down the hall only to find out Seokjin lives in one of the penthouses. You shouldn't be surprised but when he swipes a shiny key card and the lock beeps with a little green light that tells you the door is unlocked, you can't help the way your mouth gapes. Almost as if you were expecting it to flash red instead, denying you entrance and reminding you that you didn't belong in a place like this.

"Aren't you coming inside?" Seokjin has already crossed the threshold, wiping his polished shoes on the gaudy WELCOME mat inside while you stand awkwardly in the hallway, peeping through the crack of open door. You suddenly feel self conscious in your cardigan and leggings, as if you should've dressed up or something.

Seokjin seems to sense your hesitation, fingers finding your wrist with a smile. "You'll catch a cold out there."

He tugs and you don't resist, letting your feet follow him inside. "It's summer. And we're inside, Jin."

"Well how would I live with myself if I took the risk?" The click of the door locking echos from the high ceiling and you swallow thickly knowing there's no going back.

Inside, the suite looks like a luxury hotel room, like every last penny from the royal Mint had lived and died there.

It's open plan, the grand chandelier glimmering in the evening sun casting miniature rainbows across a living room consisting of pristinely white sofas sporting an array of throw cushions that look as though they have never been moved, collecting dust in the same way as the open magazine on the marble coffee table and the empty coffee mug beside it that look like they were placed there to create the illusion of the space being lived in.

Everything feels a little too pristine, a little too perfect like it materialised straight out of a furniture magazine.

The far wall is entirely glass, floor to ceiling windows looking out over a view of the entire resort; with a squint you can just make out the soft lights of the restaurant you know well, reflection shimmering like gold dust on the surface of the undisturbed public pool. An array of caddy boys on the golf courts collect stray balls and haul clubs back into the lodge and beyond that the vibrant gardens, a blur of pink roses and green hedges from where you stand but still a pleasant sight against the evenings pale blue sky.

Seokjin hums to himself as he flicks on all the lights, disappearing around a corner until you can't hear the click clack of his shoes against the tile anymore. You don't know if you are supposed to stay with knees knocking in the living room or if he was expecting you to follow him; but you presume the latter is true when his voice rings out into the room, jolting you from your shameless study of his living space.

"Have you eaten?" You shake your head in a silent no even though he can't see it, somehow managing to get your legs to carry you beneath a decorative arch and into the kitchen where Seokjin stands with his head ducked into a fancy looking fridge - even the most basic of appliances seem high tech, a touch pad visible on the front for what purpose you don't want to even ask. "I don't know about you but I'm famished."

"I was on my way to find something to eat when we — when you saw me, actually." The correction is quick but it makes your stomach feel funny. Since when did it start to feel normal to refer to you and Seokjin as a "we", as if you are anything but his accessory?

"Perfect." He emerges from the fridge with an armful of tupperware boxes balanced beneath his chin, foot kicking the door shut before he dumps the entire load onto the marble kitchen island that separates you from him.

"How about you stay for dinner?" He flashes you a small smile, corner of his mouth blowing the bangs out of his eyes, and your heart practically skips a beat.

It's just a formality surely, the polite thing to do. The Seokjin you knew was usually eager to get you out of his hair.

He is looking at you expectantly, your throat suddenly dry as you try to muster a response, an excuse. The word that immediately crosses your mind is no. This is dangerous and you know it. But then the bite in your stomach is back and despite knowing an I shouldn't be here in the first place would have been more appropriate, your lips betray you with a simple, "Yes." And the way that Seokjin's face lights up in surprise has every regret falling away as you relish in the knowledge that he is actually happy to have you.

"I thought I would have to bargain with you. You're usually stubborn with me." Shiny bar stools sit tucked beneath the little kitchen bar set up beside him, a few expensive looking champagne bottles littered across the surface. He pats one of the plush cushions in a gesture for you to sit which you graciously do, even as you scoff at his words and silently wonder why someone who lives alone needs so many seats.

"Because you're usually trying to get me to do something ridiculous." You chide. "And besides, I'm hungry."

"So you're just using me for my cooking skills, huh? I didn't think you were that kind of girl." Seokjin eyes you cheekily, hands fiddling with the dials on the stove with a pout. "How do you turn this thing on?"

You let out a sigh of mock despair, joining him at the counter and turning the knob until you hear a familiar click as the gas ignites, basking the kitchen in a blue glow. "If your 'skills' end with me getting food poisoning I'll never forgive you Kim Seokjin".

"I think I can handle a simple pasta dish," He retorts, but not before sending a pot from the utensil rack crashing to the ground with a clatter. "Maybe I spoke too soon." He picks up the appliance, holding it out to you sheepishly, a flush caressing his cheeks now.

You click your tongue but in no way maliciously, instinctively filling the pot with water and pulling open a few drawers in search of some other equipment. "Where do you keep the spoons?"

"Top drawer." You hear him call, settling himself into the askew stool you previously occupied, kicking his feet up onto the opposite stool and making you internally wince when the soles of his shoes settle on the white leather cushion. "Can I ask you something?"

Something in his voice changes, a seriousness that you aren't used to with him. In fact the only time you'd ever heard it was last week on the lake, when he admitted he felt like an outsider at Paradise.

You dump the pasta and lean against the counter to face him. "Sure."

"Do you think I'm an asshole?" He asks quietly.

You pause. "Sometimes." Eyes narrowed, you let out a sigh. "Why?"

"I'm sorry." Seokjin sounds small, and he wrings his hands together awkwardly. "For making you do all this for me, and then acting like a douche."

You push his feet off the stool and take a seat opposite him. Your mouth is dry, so you say nothing. He looks at you expectantly. Like he's hoping his apology will make up for the stinging hurt that still lingers in your chest every time you remember the look of shame in his eyes when he almost got caught talking to you at the gates. You flash him a sad smile, and he sighs when he realises it's not enough.

"God, I'm so fucking lame. What normal guy has to get a girl to pretend to be his fucking fiance?"

"What normal girl agrees to pretend? If you're lame then I'm just as bad." You chuckle, somewhat bitterly. "If you're so embarrassed by me, why don't you just tell your family? Then you won't have to worry someone will find out who I really am."

There's a sharpness to your words that makes Seokjin wince.

"It's not that I'm embarrassed of you! I'm...embarrassed of me." Seokjin rushes. "I just can't tell them. It would break them if they knew we've been lying."

Oh. So all this time he wasn't afraid someone would find out your real identity...he was just worried about disappointing his family?

"I always knew I was going to marry some nice girl from upstate and take over Paradise one day," He continues. "But now it's actually happening and I'm realizing I'm not cut out for this."

His head falls into his palms, forehead creased. You can tell this has been weighing on his mind for a while, and part of you feels thrilled that he trusts you enough to confide in you.

"I want to be the man they want me to be but I don't know how much longer I can pretend."

You slide your hand over the counter and cover his. He looks up, surprised, when you give it a comforting squeeze.

"I think you're just scared." You whisper. "I know you Seokjin, and you'll be an incredible CEO."

He puffs out his chest. "Pfft, I'm not scared."

"You're scared you won't be as good of an owner as your dad." You say. "And you're scared that you won't love the girl who you marry like you're supposed to."

Seokjin falls quiet, like what you said hit a nerve. He frowns. "I know what it's like to love someone. And those other girls -- the ones my parent's tried to set me up with -- they were nice and all but... I didn't feel it with any of them."

"You can't force love." You offer him a sympathetic smile. "Sometimes it just pops up in the strangest of places. It just happens."

"You're right." He smiles back, and shakes his shoulders like a weight has been lifted. His eyes soften fondly. "Hey. How do you always seem to know exactly what to say?"

"One of my many talents,"You laugh as you instinctively start to dish up your meal. That's what working in a kitchen does to you. "Including making incredible pasta."

The smell of carbonara wafts through the kitchen, and he rubs his stomach gratefully.

"God I love you." Seokjin says breathily, threading his hands through his hair and looking at you in wonder.

"What?" You go slack, the metal spoon between your fingers hitting the ground with a tinny crash.

Seokjin blinks twice before rushing to cover up his mistake. "You know what I mean."

You do know. But a part of you wishes that you didn't know, that you could pretend that the words that spilled from Seokjin's lips were real and true and meant something.

Not that it matters anyway. You aren't in love. You are just pretending to be. So why does it feel like a ton of bricks smushed your heart when you realise this was probably the only time you would ever hear him say those words, even if he didn't mean them how you wished he would?

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth before it can start to wobble and bend to your knees to retrieve the spoon. Seokjin is already ahead of you, leaping out of his chair to grasp the metal at the exact same time.

A gasp passes your lips when his hand covers yours tightly, the contact accidental but enough to send tingles up your spine like it always does. Except this time, it seems he feels it too, because when you dare to look up he is staring at your almost interlocked hands in wonder.

"Is now a bad time to repay one of your favours?" His voice is hoarse.

"What—"

Seokjin's fingers hook beneath your chin, tilting your head towards him so that he can press his lips against yours in a tentative kiss, swallowing your words in transit.

The kiss is slow and languid, the way he slots his plump bottom lip between yours making you melt instantly. His cheeks are warm and soft in your hands as you cup them, the action feeling just as natural as the warmth blossoming in your chest when Seokjin moves his mouth in time with your own with an impossible tenderness.

He sighs into your mouth like he'd been waiting forever to do this, and you feel a similar satisfaction, finally able to curb the craving for him that has been aching inside you since your last encounter when he left you standing alone on the veranda.

Seokjin's fingers trace up your arms tentatively, hairs raising wherever they touch, before tangling them in the hair at the base of your neck and pulling you ever deeper into the kiss, not just with pure desire like you were used to but with a yearning to hold you closer. For the first time you let yourself succumb to your senses, protective guard over your heart shattering as you get lost in the scent of his woody cologne and the roughness of his simultaneously pillowy lips.

By the time he pulls back you are already breathless and he is too, lips parted slightly, breath tickling your nose.

"Sorry." The curve of his lips tells you he didn't mean it. He wanted to kiss you. You melt. "'S cause I missed you, that's all"

"C'mere." With a breathy laugh you pull him closer to you again by the collar, mouths crashing together in a tangle of teeth and tongue this time that makes you burn with a hunger to commit every caress of his lips to memory, blood running hot as he tugs your bottom lip between his teeth like he wants to devour you right then and there. "I want you."

His hands search your body making you shudder, swell of your chest pressed to his as he slips his burning hot palms beneath your thighs to hoist you onto the kitchen island, uncaring when the spice rack rattles precariously. His lips never leave yours, tongue sweeping into your mouth in a way that has you panting for more, suddenly desperate to feel his warmth against you without the damn barrier of your leggings between you.

"Wanna take you right here so bad." Seokjin breaks away, eyes glazed over and slipping from your swollen lips momentarily to take in your quivering body, slotting himself between your welcoming legs. "God, you drive me crazy."

His hair tickles your cheek when he lets his face fall into the crook of your neck as if accepting defeat, his self control hanging by a thread in the same way as yours.

"Then take me." It's hushed whisper but it makes Seokjin groan, his hands rubbing flat circles into the tops of your thighs but never getting quite close enough to the ache that pulses between your legs, as though he can't trust himself.

"Don't want you to do something you'll regret." Seokjin sounds pained as he nips at your neck, lips sucking marks into the flesh obscenely while his tongue soothes the burn, your eyes squeezing shut at the sensation.

"I could never regret you." You stammer between quiet whimpers when his teeth attack the sensitive spot behind your ear and in that moment you believe every word. "I promise."

Seokjin leaves one last wet kiss to your jaw. "Open your eyes. Look at me." His hands tremble when they take your face between them and hold your already damp forehead against his. You obey, biting your lip when his own lustful eyes stare into yours with a gentleness. "Promise. You want this — me?"

Your heart throbs. "I promise."

"Then how could I refuse?" With a peck to your lips Seokjin hoists you over his shoulder like you are weightless, blood rushing to your head as you come face to face with his butt.

"Let me down!" You laughed as he carries you through the apartment, pounding your fists against his back playfully. He only tightens his grip, landing a sharp smack to your ass that has you quieting down quickly. "Ow!"

"Don't pretend you didn't like it." His voice is muffled as he lets you down but you can still hear his smirk before he even comes into view. Your back lands on top of a plush mattress, silken sheets a welcome cold against your skin which still burns from Seokjin's touch. You manage to glance around the room briefly, taking in the elegant matching silk drapes and the luxe gold trimmed furniture which makes it feel like a hotel room you probably could not afford.

But then Seokjin is hovering over you again and the way his eyes darken as they rake across your body captures all your attention.

"I wouldn't mind if you did it again." You hum coyly, enjoying the way his pupils dilate as he swallows a groan. Seokjin grips your ankles and lands another slap to the flesh of your ass that has you panting and choking on your own smirk.

"Such a slut, hm?" Your knees fall apart instinctively as he leans over your body, leaving a few lingering kisses across the expanse of your chest that peeks out of the top of your tank top, all while your fingers find the hem of his gym t-shirt. "God I love your ass."

"I'll fuck it myself if you don't hurry up." The way your hips buck up give away your impatience, never quite meeting the painfully visible tent in his crotch and gaining the friction you so desperately search for. Your panties are soaked through and clinging uncomfortably to your dripping folds by now, the heat between your legs pulsing unbearably.

Seokjin chokes at your threat, eyes rolling back as he pictures the image you painted. "F-fuck, I'd love to but maybe another time." Your lithe fingers manage to get his shirt over his shoulders, throwing the garment somewhere behind him and sucking in a gasp when you take in Seokjin's naked torso beneath the warm glow of his bedside lamp, toned and slightly damp with anticipation. "Gotta take care of this cunt first, hm?"

His palm cups your mound obscenely through your leggings and you whine at the first contact you'd received all night, eager to have him touch you without the barrier of your clothing. "P-please." The way you twist your hips needily, trying to grind your throbbing clit against the heel of his palm makes him laugh lightly.

"Sit back, get comfy." He helps you slide up the bed, arranging a selection of tasseled throw cushions behind your head until he's satisfied you are adequately supported, kneeling between your legs to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and press a prolonged peck to your parted lips. "Want this to be good for you."

"It's always good for me." You assure, fingers trailing fleetingly down his chest and feeling him tense above you at the ticklish contact. Seokjin makes quick work of your top, leaving you quickly in just your bra which you graciously save him the trouble of undoing by snapping the clasp open yourself.

The way he gazes in awe at your bare chest makes you self conscious, hands coming to cover the flush that caresses your face until he rolls one of your hardened nipples and lets out a sigh in unison with your own when your hands fall away, unable to focus on anything other than the tingle of Seokjin's touch and your own shallow pants.

"You're so pretty." His words make your chest blossom with warmth and you arch into his touch, air cold against your hard buds until Seokjin takes one of them into the heat of his mouth and reduces you to a gasping mess beneath him.

As soon as he comes up for air you manage to wriggle your hands between your flush bodies, latching on to the waistband of his gym shorts and sliding them down his thighs along with his boxers as soon as you catch his nod of confirmation.

His cock springs free, hard and already leaking against his stomach. Seokjin hisses at the cold air against his length. You wrap your hand around his girth, lidded gaze watching the way his face twists with a pleasurable agony with each flick of your wrist. He's hot and heavy in your palm, impossibly hard and your entrance clenches when his cock pulses against your palm, forcing him to swallow a moan and stop his hips from thrusting into your hand. You are suddenly hyper aware of how empty you are, another bout of lust pooling in your stomach as you anticipate how good he would fill you up, length enough to stretch you out perfectly.

When your palm twists around the angry reddened tip he just about looses his mind, falling forward to grip your shoulder with a bruising grip, uncaring when a few choked groans spill into your ear. You take pride in the way he falls apart so easily until his large palm covers yours and halts your ministrations all together.

"Stop, fuck—" He squeezes his eyes shut, letting out a hiss as he tries to regain his control, length twitching and drooling against your bare stomach. "Nearly came, shit." Seokjin's chest heaves with laboured breaths, cheeks flushed as he grips the base of his length firmly.

"I'm that good huh?" The teasing tone makes his eyes snap up, the scarlet tint to his cheeks deepening.

"No — I mean yes — but mostly I've been imagining this for a while." He seems slightly sheepish and you find it cute, feeling a little pang in your heart when his nose scrunches with shyness at his confession. "Got too worked up too fast."

"Guess you don't want me to suck you off for a bit, then?" You ask almost hopefully, your heat growing ever wetter at the thought of his girth fucking your throat mercilessly.

"There's plenty of time for that, princess." The glint in his eye is the same as the one he had that day in the locker rooms, except this time you trust his words knowing that nothing could stop you coming back for more.

"Guess I'll have to save my skills for another day, then." Seokjin chuckles at the pout that graces your lips, swatting your hand away before it could stroke his length again. "Unless..."

"Brat." The shake of his head is affectionate.

"Don't pretend you don't like it." You echoe his earlier words and he rolls his eyes to your amusement.

"Touché."

He holds your gaze for a little too long, the way his eyes soften at the edges and his lips part cutely too intimate for you to deal with in the moment so you focus on the neglected ache between your legs instead.

You interrupt the moment before you let a piece of your heart flutter straight into his hands. "Hurry up and get inside me, idiot!"

"Okay, okay jeez!" Seokjin raises his hands defensively before he shuffles down the bed, eye level with your crotch.

You can't help the way you arch off the bed as he peels away your leggings, whining shamelessly when your swollen folds finally hit the air.

Soon enough you feel Seokjin's hot breath hovering over your slit, making your clit pulse even more desperately if that were possible. Before he could devour your heat like you wanted him to, you are reminded of his own self control. "'S not fair, is it?" You slur, head spinning with lust as he spreads your lips with his fingers, taking you in completely.

"Not going to eat you out this time, don't worry," The sight of him looking up at you with pleading eyes from between your legs, lips inches away from your clit, is enough to have the coil in your stomach tightening, sure you could cum just from the visual alone. "Just a taste?"

You nod, too breathless to speak, and he runs a flat stripe up your dripping slit, the contact enough to make your legs shake and your head fall back against the cushions. He places a single kiss to your clit which makes you quiver before he climbs back up so you are eye level. "Can't get enough of your pussy," Your breath mingles, his lips glistening with your arousal just inches from yours. "Could taste you forever."

"You can." You whisper.

His tongue traces your bottom lip languidly. You can taste yourself just barely on his lips. "I don't deserve you."

Seokjin supports himself on his forearms, hovering over your body and taking his cock in his palm to line it up with your entrance.

"Ready?" He scans your face for any concerns, any suggestion that you are having second thoughts. Even your small smile and the shameless twists of your hips as you tried to impale yourself on his cock wasn't enough to appease him, apparently. "Promise?"

The tenderness in his voice makes you lose your breath in a mixture of shock and warmth. This has to be a dream. "Promise."

Seokjin's lidded eyes light up and he finds your hand where it tugs on the sheets beside your bodies and carefully interlinks your fingers. The callouses on his fingers, the grooves of his palm and how it slots perfectly into yours is starting to feel familiar. You don't have time to dwell on whether the action was supposed to feel as romantic as it did before he's pushing the tip of his cock against your entrance which clenches with every inch until he bottoms out with a guttural groan of his own.

The slide is slow and languorous, allowing you to feel every ridge of his cock drag against your walls, the stretch burning a little as you tried to accommodate his girth.

"So fucking wet for me, huh?" It's true; you can feel your arousal dripping down your ass, his hips meeting yours with an audible squelch that was testament of his affect on you. You feel his cock twitch inside you, his nose scrunching as he resists slamming into you straight away to allow you to adjust. Instead he focuses on rubbing soothing circles with his thumbs into your hips, taking in your bare form with a fascination. "So fucking pretty underneath me like this."

"All for you." You manage to stutter between hard pants as he snaps his hips back until just the head of his cock remains at your entrance and you whine with the impossible emptiness. "I'm all yours."

"Promise me." It comes out as a command but it's tainted with a softness that makes your cheeks burn with more than just lust.

"I promise. I'm all yours."

That's all it takes to have him slamming back into you, hips meeting yours repeatedly with a loud slap which is almost drowned out by the soft moans that spill from his lips into the crook of your neck. He's more vocal than you were expecting and it drives you crazy.

"Fuck, I'm close." His breath hitches at your words, tongue snaking out to wet his lips as he shudders closer to his high. With a pained expression he pauses mid thrust, head barely inside you as he searches your face for answers with desperate eyes. "Where can I—"

"Inside me." You buck your hips, whimpering when he slides back into you to the hilt as if he can't help it. "Wanna feel you fill me up."

"Shit, okay." He stutters as your fingers move the bangs stuck to his sweaty forehead, his neck and shoulders glistening slightly in the deep glow of the room. "God, you're so tight."

By now you are clenching around him wildly, the heat between your legs getting hotter with every drag of his cock against your velvety walls. With his next thrust he hits your sweet spot deliciously, the mewl that leaves you alerting him of the fact and he watches with a dark amusement as your eyes roll back and you lose yourself to the feeling.

"Mmf — g-gonna cum." Seokjin's thumb rubs circles into your throbbing clit in time with his thrusts and the pressure is enough to have you falling over the edge, vision fading to black as Seokjin fucks you through your high.

"That's it, cum for me baby," He coaxes, thrusts turning sloppy as you feel him release inside you, the feeling of him coating your now sensitive walls almost too much. "S-shit."

You don't realise your eyes are squeezed shut until Seokjin's palm cups your chin, his face a picture of pure bliss when your lashes finally flutter open. There's barely any distance between your noses, his breath lightly tickling your parted lips and you're sure he can hear your heart thumping against your rib cage, loud in your ears as he closes the distance between you in a lazy kiss that feels indescribably intimate with him softening inside you.

"I don't deserve you." He says again, voice croaky this time. "You could do better than me."

"Shut up," His cheek presses to your chest, warm against your clammy skin. "Don't be silly."

"There's something I need to tell you..." He begins, cut off when you sit upright abruptly, eyes wide. "It's nothing bad. Well, it might be depends on how you respond. It's just that day on the lake, when I saw how Taehyung looked at you, and when I thought I lost you, it made me realise that I'm—"

"No, not that." You begin feeling around for your underwear. "I think the pasta boiled over!"

"Oh shit!" He joins your search for clothes, rolling onto his back beside you, though you don't miss the frown that appeared on his face. "Guess I can wait a little longer."

#bts smut #bts #seokjin smut #ksmutclub #smutcentralnet #seokjin fluff #seokjin imagine #seokjin fanfic #bts fanfic #btswriterscollective #btsguild #kwordsmiths #bangtanarmynet #thebtsclub #my writing #fic: better with you

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ijustwant2write · 4 years ago

Text

Not A Secret-Bonnie Gold x Shelby!Reader

(GIF credit to @paquim)

Tags: @jenepleurepasbaby @amirahiddleston @bloodorangemoonlight

Requested by anonymous: 'I literally check the bonnie gold tag everyday and was so HAPPYYYY when I saw your fic, I absolutely love the idea of finns twin sister being with bonnie or even just the youngest shelby sis being with him so wondering if I could get a fic with that premise please :)'

Summary: Although (Y/N) is terrified about what her brothers may do when they find out she is in a relationship, she doesn't want to be the dirty little secret Bonnie has to keep.

Characters: Bonnie Gold x Shelby!Reader, Finn Shelby x Shelby!Reader (siblings), Polly Gray x Shelby!Reader (family), Isaiah Jesus x Shelby!Reader (platonic), Tommy Shelby x Shelby!Reader (siblings)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Swearing, arguing, angst, slight violence, lotta fluff

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Who are you dressed up for?" Finn asked as I walked into the kitchen.

"Myself." I snapped.

"I'm not an idiot-"

"Says the one who didn't finish school."

He scoffed."Come up with a better insult if you're so clever."

I retaliated by grabbing a slice of toast off his plate.

"I'll tell Tommy."

"Tell him what?" I slumped into the chair opposite him."That I knicked your toast?"

"No! That you're sneaking around."

"Do you have any evidence?"

He hesitated."No."

"Exactly, because nothing is going on."

"We're twins, I can sense it."

"Oh, fuck off Finn."

"I'm gonna find out-"

"Why would it be so bad if I was seeing someone? What if we're just fucking?"

"That's even worse!" he raised his voice.

"You do it all the time!" I shouted back.

"What the fuck is all this racket?" Polly yelled over us both, hands on her hips as she stood in the doorway.

"Sorry Pol, someone's just being a complete arse hole." I sneered, brushing past her and grabbing my coat from the hallway.

"What is she on about?" I heard her say, but I escaped out the front door before I could be questioned further.

Finn was on the right track, and I was scared that I hadn't been careful enough. Finn and I used to tell each other everything, but like the rest of our family, we started keeping our own secrets; but Finn would rat me out almost every time just to get on Tommy's good side. It pissed me off to no end.

The truth was, I was seeing someone. He had just become a Blinder himself, it must have been around two months, which was how long I had known him for. Bonnie Gold, the boy with a dream for boxing, had boldly asked me out, and I confidently accepted. He was handsome and charming, it had nothing to do with pissing off my brothers (which is what they would say if they knew about us). Of course I didn't want to tell everyone about us straight away, we had to see if it worked. But when I realised how much I would think about this man day in and day out, it became all too real, and I knew my feelings were strong.

However, because I was a fucking Shelby, that meant everything had to be a secret. And I hated it! It felt wrong, like I was in trouble with something. It was as if I was doing a job for my brothers, something illegal and dangerous. But it wasn't. It was the exact opposite. It was care free, loving and I felt immensely happy. However, Bonnie didn't think the same as I, believing that we should remain hidden until my brothers were in a good place, wait for a time where they weren't being threatened by anyone or had trouble within the business...like that was ever going to happen.

I waited beside the country road we always met on. Hardly anyone drove down here because they were scared of the gypsies that lived nearby, including my gypsy boy. Perching on a fallen tree, I sighed, fiddling with the skirt of my dress, thinking of all the ways this conversation could go wrong. Should I even bring it up? Should I even state my feelings about all of this? What if he didn't agree and we fell out? Or worse...

I was startled when I felt a pair of lips kiss my cheek, and I jumped away, only to have Bonnie grab me.

"For fucks sake Bonnie," I laughed as he kept kissing me all over my face,"you can't sneak up on me like that."

"You just looked so pretty sitting there." he grinned, helping me to my feet.

Our hands were intertwined as we gazed into each others eyes. Fuck, this was going to be hard.

"So, what brings you all the way down here?" he asked, guiding me towards the forest.

"Well, besides wanting to see you, I need to talk to you about something."

His smiled faltered."That doesn't sound good."

"It's about us being a secret-"

"We've gone over this (Y/N)."

"Yes, I know. But I hate it Bonnie! It's like you're ashamed to tell anyone about us-"

"I'm not ashamed." he stopped walking, turning me to face him."Im worried what your brothers will do."

"I won't let them hurt you."

He scoffed."They could beat me till I was black and blue and I wouldn't care. But they're powerful enough to keep you away from me. And if I retaliated, they could keep us apart for...well forever."

"Then I'll stay with you. We can leave a letter behind, a note to say that we're in love and we've run away and-"

"You'll really leave your family?"

"I..." I sighed, looking down at my feet."No, not like that. But Finn is becoming suspicious, and I know that if he finds out he'll tell Tommy. I'd rather it be us."

“(Y/N), I don’t want to sneak around either, but I’m only just making a name for myself in boxing. And your brother has helped me with that.”

I rolled my eyes, snatching my hands away as I crossed them over my chest.“I know boxing is your dream, but you’ve also said that I was part of those dreams.”

“You are! But if I don’t make enough money for us, how are we supposed to buy a house together? How are we supposed to get married?”

“How are we supposed to do any of those things if we don’t tell my family?”

His fists were clenching, but I knew this was his way of controlling his anger so he wouldn’t shout at me.

“I’m sorry that I even bothered to bring this up. Let’s just forget about it.”

“No, you’re right.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s just that...what if they don’t accept it?”

“Obviously it matters what they think, I do love my family. But you’ve been there for me more than they have, you haven’t changed, even when you became a Blinder. Even Finn changed, he’s horrible now, I don’t feel like he’s my twin anymore.”

“I don’t want to split up your family.”

“Are we even that much of a family anymore? It's so difficult because I love them, and whenever we argue it feels horrible, but at the same time I can easily hate them. They've done bad things, they always say it's for the good of the family and the business in the end, but still, they go about it the wrong way."

Bonnie held my hands again, bringing one of them to his lips, gently kissing my knuckles."I don't want you to be torn from your family. It isn't fair."

"We can do this Bon," I squeezed his hands,"we'll tell them together. I know that if Finn opens his big mouth, he'll ruin everything."

"I've got a meeting tomorrow with them, about my next match. Come with me and we'll tell them then."

"We'll do it after you've fixed the match, I won't destroy your dream."

Although I left feeling more anxious than I ever felt, there was some feeling in me that was optimistic. Perhaps my brothers would see that Bonnie had a steady future. He was boxing and working for them, so he was under their control, and they knew all about his family; Bonnie was able to keep me safe, and the love between us was obvious.

Once back in town, I headed to aunt Pol's, but was stopped by Finn, with Isaiah stood behind him. He had that fucking cocky smirk of his, hands in pockets as he started speaking.

"Where have you been off to today then?" he asked.

"Hello Isaiah, it's been a while."

"You alright (Y/N)?" Isaiah smiled.

"You gonna answer my question?" Finn interrupted.

"I had to get out of the house and away from you. I've been wandering aimlessly seeing as I'm always being watched, apparently."

"What happened to you (Y/N)?"

"Oh, don't start." I moaned."Stop acting all high and minty just because your balls have finally dropped."

I started to walk away, but he harshly grabbed my arm, yanking me back to him."What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Get off me you prick!"

"Guys," Isaiah ripped us apart,"not now not here."

As soon as I was free from his grip, I marched away, ducking my head to avoid the nosy stares from people in the street. As I got to Polly's house, I let out a small, frustrated scream, pulling off my shoes and throwing them on the floor.

"Oi! What have my floors ever done to you?" Polly tutted.

I didn't answer, storming upstairs to my room and slamming the door. Finn made me so angry, and what made me more upset was the fact that I no longer felt close to him. He was the stereotypical, protective older brother (by five minutes), teaching me how to defend myself and keeping me away from the family business. But as we grew older, becoming young adults, being more aware of the world around us, we changed. Finn changed completely, no longer the sweet, young boy I knew, but now a ruthless, slimy, conniving businessman.

"(Y/N) what's..." Polly's voice trailed off as the sound of the door opening again interrupted her."Finn, what's going on with your sister? What have you done?"

"She's hiding something Pol! I don't know what it is, but she's keeping a secret from us all, she's being cruel."

My eyes shot wide open at his words, and I almost sprinted back downstairs. Polly stood on the first step, holding me back as I ran down the stairs, ready to attack Finn.

"You're a fucking horrible brother, Finn!" I screamed with tears streaming down my face."Why can't you just leave me alone? Leave me out of the business!"

"Right!" Polly raised her voice over mine."Get in the kitchen, both of you. We're going to sit down, and talk about what's happening here."

Finn left first, Isaiah hesitantly following. Poly didn't let go of me until he was gone, slowly releasing me. I wanted to keep screaming, shout at the top of my lungs so much that it hurt. However, I silently made my way into the other room, feeling Polly's eyes on the back of my head. I sat opposite from Finn, just as we had that morning, keeping my eyes down as Polly and Isaiah adjudicated the match that was about to begin. Perhaps Bonnie should have shown me more boxing moves...

"So, Finn, what started all of this?" Polly asked.

"Why does he get to go first?" I scoffed, furiously wiping away my tears.

Polly just had to look at me to shut me up.

"All (Y/N) ever does is sneak off everyday and she never tells me where she's going. And whenever I ask her about it she snaps at me and gets all defensive. All I'm trying to do is help her."

"Help me?!"

"(Y/N) I suggest you calm down before you speak." Polly said.

I took a moment to breathe, but couldn't help blurt everything out."How on earth are you helping me? You pry into everything I do, wanting to find anything wrong with me just so you can report back to Tommy. And then whilst he's having a go at me, you're down at the Garrison, being praised like you've actually done something useful. But you haven't. You've never been able to do anything to live up to John, so you've gone against your sister just for a pat on the back."

Finn's nostrils were flaring, his breathing deep as I saw his anger building up. I didn't feel great about what I had said, but it also felt good to hurt him. He always spoke down to me, why couldn't I do it to him?

"I understand that you're trying to move up in the business, actually be taken serious by someone like Tommy. But how are they meant to treat you like an adult, when all you do is tell tales about your little sister as if we were five again?"

He shot up from this chair, and I quickly copied, watching as he rounded the table to stand in front of me; we would have been nose to nose if not for the height difference. Polly and Isaiah almost jumped to separate us, but I held out my hand. This had been a long time coming.

"You don't understand what I'm doing for you." Finn said through gritted teeth.

"No, I don't. So enlighten me, explain yourself."

"You're going to end up hurt if you keep going off with that gypsy boy."

"Gyspy boy?" Polly gasped."What fucking gypsy boy?"

"He's lying Polly."

"I'm not though, am I (Y/N)? You say I'm the one who can't do anything right in this family, but let me ask you this-what have you ever done? You don't get the respect you crave from anyone else, so you start seeing someone beneath you in order to feel something."

"He is not lower than anyone, how dare you!"

"Who isn't? (Y/N) have you been gallivanting off with some gypsy boy behind our backs?" Polly said, but I didn't break eye contact.

"Come on (Y/N), just admit it. Let then all know about your little secret."

He was smirking. The damn bastard was smirking, he was enjoying every second of this. Yelling out, I lunged at him, slapping him across the face before shoving him away from me, repeatedly hitting his chest over and over. Isaiah rushed over, pulling me away from him, but kicked him in the shin, going for Finn again when Polly stood between us, slapping me across the face. I stumbled back in shock, clutching onto my cheek.

"I have never seen you two argue like this, and it is useless! But more importantly, what do you think you're doing young lady?" Polly snapped.

"It's always my fault, just because I'm the youngest-"

"Just tell me who it is!"

"It's Bonnie!"

It was finally silent in the room. Everyone was taking in what had been said. I took in a shaky breath before speaking again.

"I promise, I was going to tell you all tomorrow, after Bonnie's meeting with Tommy. I was the one who wanted to stop keeping it a secret."

"So how come he doesn't want to say anything?" Finn said.

"He was hesitant because of his boxing. You all know it's his dream. Which is why I wanted it to be in a calm environment, tell you all one at a time. Please, none of you can say anything, not until tomorrow."

"How long has this been going on for?" Polly asked, not looking so angry.

"Two months, maybe three."

"And you're serious?"

"Yes! Look, we're not rushing into marriage or anything. I mean, we've talked about it, but he's focusing on his career first. I told him to do that."

"Pol, come on, it's Bonnie we're talking about." Finn groaned.

"What's your point?" she argued back."Finn, I know you want to look out for your sister, but she's not stupid. She wouldn't put herself in a relationship of the boy was going to fuck her over."

"It could be worse Finn." Isaiah piped up."At least we know the guy, Bonnie is a good lad."

"Finn," I grabbed his attention back,"you have to promise me you won't tell Tommy. I have to do this myself."

Finn nodded, then huffed, looking at us all before leaving. Isaiah was quick to follow, throwing a small smile my way.

Polly placed her hands on my shoulder, guiding me into a chair."Right, sit down you. You're going to tell me everything, from the beginning."

It had been a huge relief to finally tell someone. And it wasn't as if I was being Punoshed and forced to tell the truth. I could gush about how amazing he was, the lovely things he said to me, the thought out dates he had taken me on when he didn't have the money, and what he would buy me after he saved up especially. Polly was smiling throughout, which gave me a sense that she was there for me. Now all I had to do was tell Tommy.

Finn kept his promise, or at least I thought he had because my door hadn't been kicked down with my older brother yelling at me. It had been a restless night, tossing and turning, wondering whether I should risk telling everyone else right now. Bonnie hadn't done that many matches, enough for people to recognise him though. What if Tommy ruined everything for him? What if they cut all ties with their family and their protection, making us more vulnerable? However, Polly, Finn and Isaiah already knew, and it would only be a matter of time before they told everyone else.

No one was in the house when I woke. The silence was annoying. Usually I longed for the peacefulness, but today I was alone with my annoyingly loud thoughts. I had checked my appearance multiple times before leaving, as if that would make any difference. Paranoia set in as I walked through the streets. Somehow I thought that they all knew my secret, and were all staring at me. What a drama queen.

As I got closer to Charlie's yard, I went over my rehearsed speech, ready to defend my love. Tommy was stood with Bonnie and his dad, Aberama, of course he was smoking as they discussed their business. I wasn't expecting Aberama, the embarrassment was already setting in. They all noticed me as I approached, falling silent as they watched me; Bonnie instinctively smiled.

"(Y/N)? What's wrong?" Tommy asked, slight concern in his voice.

"Nothing is wrong." I replied, standing beside him.

"Then why are you here? We're discussing business."

"Oh, I can wait till you're finished."

"No, no, say your peace now. We're basically finished."

"Right...um..." my words disappeared, the prepared speech suddenly gone.

"(Y/N) and I have secretly been seeing each other." Bonnie casually stated.

Aberama and Tommy glanced between us, watching as Bonnie boldly took my hand, tugging me towards him.

"You what?" Tommy stamped out his cigarette.

"It's true. It's been going on for two months." I mumbled.

Tommy pointed at Aberama."Did you know about this?"

Aberama was smirking."No, and I'm impressed that they hid it so well."

"He's fucking impressed."

"Tommy, we weren't doing this to aggravate anyone. We didn't mean to sneak around, but we wanted to make sure this relationship was working before we told you." I explained.

"(Y/N) was the one who told me we should tell you all. I'm sorry Mr Shelby, I didn't mean to go behind your back." Bonnie sincerely said.

"We were also hesitant because of his boxing. He is so loyal to you after all you've done. Please don't stop all of this because of me-"

Tommy held his hand up, shutting me up. Bonnie squeezed my hand for reassurance.

"Mr Shelby, may I butt in for a moment?" Aberama asked."You say this has been going on for two months?"

I nodded."Uh, yes, three months at the most."

"And in that time, Bonnie has attended all his matches, and followed your instructions, and has also completed all of his Blinder duties he was assigned. Not once has he faltered. And he did all of this whilst secretly meeting with your sister."

Aberama was on our side. Perhaps this would help ease Tommy into the idea.

"Fine, they are but a few good points." Tommy coughed."You two sure you're serious?"

We both nodded, cuddling closer together.

He let out a long sigh."If Bonnie can continue staying on track with boxing and business, then I'll allow it. But this can't effect any of our work."

"It won't Mr Shelby, I promise." Bonnie smiled.

"Thank you Tommy." I said, catching the second his eyes softened before he and Aberama turned to leave.

Aberama looked over his shoulder, winking at us before turning to speak with Tommy again. I faced Bonnie, squealing with delight before throwing my arms around him. He grabbed my cheeks, cheekily kissing me with his hands travelling down to my waist. He almost went lower until I stopped it, and I heard him whine as I pulled away.

"Bonnie, do you know what this means?" I breathed out.

"My place or yours?" he grinned.

"What? No! I'm not on about that." I laughed."We get to walk around holding hands, we get to kiss in public, we get to not so subtly sneak away from parties, and everyone knows we're having sex."

"(Y/N), I'm serious now, otherwise I might just have to take you here."

"I'd prefer if you didn't mate." Finn startled us appearing from seemingly nowhere.

Bonnie and I pulled apart, our hands still intertwined, our cheeks flushing red.

"Finn, I-"

"Don't worry Bonnie. I'll get used to it. I think."

"So you didn't end up telling him." I said.

"No. You were really upset the other day and I haven't seen you like that before, not that angry anyway. I'm actually here to apologise."

"Oh."

"I am truly sorry (Y/N). I've been a shit brother for the past year, and I was too proud to recognise that."

"I forgive you. I'm sorry for yesterday as well, you didn't deserve all of those horrible words or the slap."

"I did deserve it. But, how about a truce?" he held his hand out.

I smiled, grabbing it and pulling him towards me. We hugged each other tightly, and the memories came flooding back. This was my brother, such a familiar feeling, a loving feeling.

"Right, go on, fuck off with your boyfriend." he joked.

"I love you Finn. Don't worry, we'll see if Bonnie has any friends for you."

"Fuck off. But I love you too." he chuckled.

Bonnie wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we walked away. Neither of us could stop smiling. And now that Finn and I were building our relationship back to the way it was, everything felt like it was moving in the right direction.

"I repeat my question from earlier, mine or yours?" Bonnie needily said.

"Is that all you can think about right now?" I dramatically gasped."Yours, we haven't been there in ages."

"Well you better start walking faster, love."

"Come on, I'll race ya'."

"What's the prize?"

"Winner gets the other person to do whatever they want to them."

"I'll give you a head start. I'm going to win either way."

"Alright, but just know I have about ten things in my mind."

534 notes · View notes

enigma-im · 4 years ago

Text

Sucker Punched pt.2

Rating:Explicit Relationship: Alien X Female!Human Warning: Dirty talk, strong language, Alien/human relationship, alien sex

Word Count:4055

Pt. 1

--------------------------------

We soon part ways as our responsibilities drive us. He to fuck about doing whatever it is he does outside of groping me, I to finish up work before heading back to my place. My small one-bedroom, two-room home. Bigger than most, having the perk of being faculty, but smaller than anything earth could have given me. The large living room is nice to divide the space between the front door and where I sleep. I truly feel for the people who don't have that luxury. It feels too unsafe to be comfortable.

I fiddle about with a quick shower and a change of clothes, completely forgetting about Kurt for the time. It's not till I hear a rather intimidating knock at the door so I remember our plans. Cursing to myself I throw on a shirt before heading into the living room.

He pounds on the door again," For fuck sakes, hold on." I angrily right my clothes, untucking my hair, before grabbing the handle. I thrust the door open, my hair billowing in the breeze. I glare out at the tall buff alien who fills my doorway-perhaps the hallway as well. His teeth are poking through his small smirk, giving him a dorky charm. Kurt eyes me from head to toe, not hiding his appreciations though I lack effort in my outfit.

"Beautiful as ever, though I know you never disappoint," he raises a brow. It's still strange to hear him speak English, though its through a translator. I find I miss the rough tone of his normal language, it never failing to send chills down my spine. Then again, who isn't a sucker for a deep voice?

"Flattery will get you nowhere," I scoff.

"I find the crimson hue of your cheeks to be something, like an incentive really," he tilts forward. The alien towers over me like no other, feeling like he is boxing me in with just his height. I find myself leaning towards him despite his natural intimidation.

"If I knew you were this much of a flirt I would have forgone getting our translators fixed."

"Oh, prefer my other attempts of getting into your pants better?"

"So confident that you could get into my pants? A flirt and cocky, how unattractive."

"the lies you spill from your mouth almost mask the arousal that practically oozes from you when I'm around," he quickly grasps the doorframe as he leans in close," Admit it, love, you want me bad." his proximity short-circuits my brain for a moment, just long enough for him to chuckle. I can smell his musk, it muddling my brain as he presses a gentle, loud kiss to my cheek. I can't help but sigh in defeat, the bastard has me there.

I take a step back from him, his glare following me as I turn towards the kitchen. I stop at the fridge, glancing over at the frowning Kurt still perched at the door.

"Well, come in. I rather not have my coworkers question while a nearly 7ft alien is guarding my doorway," I grin. He huffs, dropping his head with a shake before coming over. He closes the door behind himself, walking towards the couch to plop down. I look through the fridge for literally anything to eat. Never entertaining guests before now seems to have hindered my dinner plans.

I settle on some bullshit microwave dinners, almost mortified in having to do so. While they 'cook' I lean against the counter to watch Kurt. For a moment he looks around the space, not really reacting to anything. Once he grew bored he turns to me. He cocks a brow in question.

"I believe I was promised some wooing," I break the silence.

"Was what I said at the door not enough," he answers. I scoff at his response, turning back to the meals. Perhaps he was all talk and no action. How disappointing, I expected a lot more from him. I won't lie and say he hasn't grown on me, like a tumor. Being a constant thorn in my side has proven fruitful in his quest for my affection, but if he intends to be a stick in the mud then I have to quarrels tossing him to the side.

I barely hear him when he sneaks up behind me, cupping my hips as his groin meets my back. I bite my cheek to not respond, way too curious to see where this is going. I feel his breath on my neck, raising my hairs as he exhales near my ear.

"Since the day we met, I have not stopped thinking about you. You have invaded everything I do. When I sleep, I see your face. I dream of your curves against mine, feel your skin under my lips. Every night I have felt your sweet caress to my cock, on the verge of climax just as I wake. I think I can escape you in my wake but my thoughts only flow for you. I can only ponder how you would taste. Would you be sweet like I imagine, would you cum like how I picture," he licks just behind my ear," are these words good enough for you? I am not a romantic man, but you bring me to my knees and make me wanna do things I never even considered before."

I stutter on a breath, gnawing on my cheek," l-like what?" He grinds into me, pressing his hardening cock against my lower back. He thrills me more as he reaches under my shirt to palm my stomach. I can't bring myself to move, barely making a sound as he licks and nibble. Kurt teases my neck with his tusk before pressing the blunt tips to my skin, dimpling the area enough to wretch a gasp from me.

"I can smell your cunt," he purrs as his hands trail up. His fingertips barely touch my bra when I choke on a inhale. The anticipation of having his large palms on me almost takes my breath away. He chuckles huskily in my ear, rubbing his cheek to mine as he leans over to watch himself. He slowly slides his fingers under my cups, teasing the skin as he engulfs my breast. I'm sure he can feel my heart beating fast against my ribs, thumping loudly near his fingers. He hums as he palms and squeezes me. I sigh, falling against him. My head rests on his shoulder, tilting for his lingering kisses.

We both startle as the microwave beeps. I stand straight, suddenly ripped from the haze of building tension. He freezes as I do, his hands slowly trailing down as he worries about my next reaction. I look up at the meals resting in the finished device. I then look down at my clenched hands, finally noticing the throbbing between my legs and the hardon pressed to my back. I chew my lip in thought, really thinking hard on saying 'forget dinner'.

Before I can overthink this I tear his hands from my shirt and twist in his hold. I look up at his startled face, nearly laughing at his wide-eyed expression. I cast a glance at the tent in his pants, grinning as I meet his eyes. Quickly I leap and grab his horn, jerking him closer to my level with a Cheshire grin.

"Are you going to ravish me like I deserve, I refuse to waste my time with unworthy men," I ask near his lips. He looks a bit dazed as he stares down at my mouth.

"Yes," he answers.

"I demand you take me to my room before I change my mind then. I expect nothing but the best, understood?"

His lips part as he meets my eyes with wonder," Yes, ma'am." Fast as lightning he scoops me up in his strong arms and whisks me away to the bedroom, meals left forgotten.

Kurt attacks my lips while maneuvering in the dark. His hands on my thighs are scorching, also helpful in my grinding against his stomach. I fist his hair, twisting his head to delve my tongue into his mouth. His groans muddle my brain, throwing my thoughts in disarray.

I'm startled when he tilts forward. I panic, grabbing his shoulder tightly as my back suddenly meets the bed. His chuckle against my neck annoys me, taking me away from the lust riddled thinking I was drowning in before. As his tongue slathers up my neck I grab his horn, dragging him up.

"Yes," he asks displeased," do I need to woo you with more words, or am I free to satisfy my curiosity?"

I snort," Curiosity?" His fangs poke through his smile, a purr rolling out between his lips.

"I'm quite interested in seeing if you match the women of my kind," he lowers down to press a teasing kiss to my jaw.

"How about we don't talk about other women while in bed," I pull him back again. His cocky grin drops to another annoyed grimace.

"We can just not talk at all, that seems to be a safe bet," he suggests, wiggling his horn out of my hold. His lips press just above my shirt collar, his teeth dimpling my skin as he nibbles. The tips of his fingers tease around the end of my shirt, trailing his claw along the slightly revealed flesh.

I can hardly think of a snarky response, completely invested in his attentions. His tongue on my neck and his hands palming my hips. My nails dig into his shoulders, scratching down to his elbows.

"Ku-," I'm interrupted by a bell. We both pause in confusion till a loud knocking follows. I sigh, sitting up. Kurt quickly grabs me, keeping me where I am.

"No, ignore it," he growls. He quiets my protests by pulling my hips into his, grinding his hard-on against me. A thrill shoots up my spine, muddling any thoughts of the door.

"Hello," I faintly hear a voice call from outside the room. I freeze again, grabbing at Kurt. He tries to bring my attention back to him, biting at my shoulder.

"Just real quick," I smile apologetically. He answers with a growl, bucking his hips more. Fed up I grab his horn and drag him away. "real quick," I scold. He huffs then sighs before rolling off.

I hop out of bed, a wiggle in my step. I share in Kurt's frustrations, stomping towards the door with frustration. I rip open the door, already fed up with the upcoming conversation.

"Hello," the slim techie from the other day answers. His appearance at my door is startling enough to erase my ire.

"Hey," I respond confused," What are you doing here?"

"Just checking in. The update was sent out yesterday and I was hoping to get input on it," he answers.

"Works well enough, I haven't had any issues with it. I have to agree with you though, Kurt has a 'way' with words," I chuckle.

He laughs as well," He was a bit too vulgar for my taste. It brought on a very awkward situation."

As we talk I faintly hear steps behind me. My suspicions are verified when the techie tenses up. He looks over my shoulder, giving an uncomfortable smile.

"Seeso," Kurt growls.

"Ker'chak," Techie answers," How is your translator h-holding up?"

"Good," Kurt sneers," feel free to leave now."

"Kurt," I scold," chill out." Kurt continues sneering at the poor lad, not doing anything to hold back his anger at the man's presence.

"Alright then," Kurt grabs my hips, pulling me to his chest," Seeso I wish to get back to wooing my woman and you standing here is preventing that so I say nicely, piss off." before either one of us can answer Kurt slams the door shut and lifts me off my feet.

"That was rude as hell, you couldn't wait, like, five minutes," I slap his chest.

"I am extremely hard right now so excuse me for being a little impatient," he chuffs. I snort, stretching up to bite his neck. I tighten till he hisses.

"Good things come to those who wait," I press a kiss to my teeth marks.

He groans," And you can't get what you don't take."

Kurt tosses me onto the bed, quickly climbing over me. He doesn't take his time, ripping my shirt off swiftly to lather attention on my breast. His sharp tusk pricks my skin as he sucks on a nipple. I pet his hair back from his face, watching him. His eyes open to meet mine, growling as his swirls his tongue.

"You are quite handsome, I'll admit," I hum. His sudden purr startles me, along with the pinching of his claws on my thighs.

"Well thank you," he mumbles, pressing wet kisses to my chest.

I chuckle at his excitement, fisting his hair before pushing him down my body. He resists a bit to press his lips down a line of my stomach. He crawls off the bed and onto his knee. As he reaches my pants he nuzzles his cheek to my hips. His purrs increase, his hands massaging my thighs.

"Fuck," I groan," stop, it's too cute."

"Cute," he scoffs," No one has ever accused me of being cute." he unbuttons my pants, tugging them down my legs.

"Well you are, so get used to that," I tease. He hums in thought, a small smile ghosting his lips.

"As long as you are the only one saying it then I guess its fine," he mumbles. Before I can tease some more he tugs off my underwear. "Speaking of cute," he smirks. The smug smile makes me roll my eyes, biting off a chuckle.

"Yea, yea," I scoot out of his hold," Get on your back."

"Oh my back," he quirks a brow," now why should I do that?"

"Because I said so," I shrug. From his place on the floor, he rests his chin on the bed, grinning that mischievous smile.

"Since when did you become the boss," he says. I regard him with a teasing smirk. I crawl towards him, grabbing his horn to draw him back.

"Since I decked you in the face, now get on the bed big boy," I press a swift kiss to his lips," I'll make it worth your while."

He hums," When you put it like that." Kurt crawls onto the bed, resting on his back with his hands behind his head. He smirks down at me, tilting his head. "Now what, my sexy female?" I don't answer, instead of crawling up his body. I sit on his upper chest, looking down at him between my knees. I pet at his face as he looks from me to my crotch then back.

"this my prize for following orders? Feels more like a prize for you," he looks back at my crotch, licking his lips despite his words. I pet his bottom lip, pressing my thumb into his mouth. He wastes no time sucking on it.

"What? Don't want my cute pussy on your cute face," I quirk a brow. He nibbles on my thumb before pushing it out of his mouth. He presses one kiss to it then grabs my thighs.

"Well when you put it like that," he chuckles. I yelp when he quickly drags me over his face. Wasting no time delving between my folds with his tongue. At his first taste, he groans loudly, his hips bucking behind me.

"I'll take it you’re a fan," I huff, petting his head.

"I will dine on you every night as long as you stay wet just for me," he growls, licking another stripe. His fingers dig into my skin, showing off his enjoyment. As he laps at me I can't help but grind into him, biting back groans and cries of pleasure. His teeth poking at the cleft of my thighs adds a certain thrill to all this. His alien-ness becoming extremely apparent now. I look down at him between my legs, his eyes closed in pure enjoyment.

I find myself leaning back, holding onto his raised knees. I watch him, enraptured at his monstrous appearance. Moans leave me lips, my insides burning only for him.

"Kurt," I groan," you look so sexy like this." his eyes creak open a moment.

"You should speak for yourself," he hums. My hips grind on his mouth, a cry ripping from my throat.

"I'm close," I lean back up. I grab onto his horns, pulling him into my thrusts. His hands slide from my thighs to my ass, guiding my grinds. As his fingers knead my skin I burst. I shout, throwing my head back as I yell into the room. He purrs under me, lapping up every drop as I cum for him.

I nearly fall into the wall, barely catching myself on my hand. I pant, resting my head onto the cold wall. Catching my breath I look down at Kurt, smiling at his wide grin.

"You look so happy," I mumble. He kisses my mound.

"Of course," he answers. He adjusts me down his chest, sitting up to hold me close. He rubs my back, kissing my lips.

Once I come back to myself I react to his attention. I pull him into a strong kiss, delving my tongue into his mouth as I pull on his hair. His cock pokes excessively against my ass.

"Your turn," I grin. He hums before I push him back onto the bed. I crawl between his legs, grabbing at his pants. The anticipation builds as my curiosity peaks. What could he look like?

At my hesitation, he speaks," You good?" I bite my lip. Instead of answering I tug his pants down. His cock immediately slaps back against his stomach, then bobbing just over it.

His cock is fairly thick, long but his girth is more attention-grabbing. Along his shaft are nubs that really pique my interest. I grab him, huffing at his growl. I thumb the numbs, noticing their firmness. I slide up him, pinching at his spear-like tip.

"Interesting," I mumble to myself.

Kurt's head pops up," What?" his nerves revealed in his tone. I sit down on my stomach between his legs, pumping his cock a few times as I look up at him.

"Don't worry, it's a good interesting. You are fucking lovely," I kiss his shaft. He twitches in my hold, his head falling back as he purrs again. "You are all around the sexiest man I have ever been with," I smile. He groans again, bucking into my hand. I adore his reactions oh so much.

Too eager I wrap my lips around him, sucking on his tip as I jerk him off. His grunts fuel me, sending jolts of pleasure to my crotch. His taste is unlike human men, having a sweetness to it that I wasn't expecting. I choke him down into my mouth, feeling his tip hit the back of my throat. I bob, sucking on his cock with great interest. His noises grow in frequency, making me gain tempo.

As his hips begin to buck into me he lifts me from his cock. "Stop," he groans," stop." I rest my head on his thigh, watching him catch his breath. I trace a vein on his hip, grinning like a fool.

"Did ya like it," I ask. He tilts his head to look at me.

"Don't ask stupid questions and get on my lap," he pants. Instead of straddling him, I crawl up him, lying beside him on my back. He turns towards me confused.

"I want you to be on top," I shrug. He rolls his eyes, turning to crawl on top of me.

"I figured you would want to be on top," he leans down to trail kisses along my neck. I comb my fingers through his hair, my other hand reaching between us.

"Now why would you think that," I grab his girth, jerking him a bit. He doesn't answer, growling with his teeth bared. "Now, enough talking," I turn towards his ear, whispering," I want you inside me." he hisses, his tip prodding between my folds.

He presses in slowly, both of us feeling every thrilling inch. Our sigh of satisfaction when he settles to the hilt is echoing. We give each other a second, not wanting the moment to end so soon.

"Fuck," he pants," you are more perfect than I dreamed." he rolls his hips for emphasis. I hug him close.

"Yea," I huff," you too."

He chuckles," may I ravage you now?"

"Is that what you guys are calling it these days," I snort.

"shut up," he growls before pulling back and bucking forward. I choke on a gasp as he fills me so quickly. He repeats, thrusting hard and fast. His cock is as fulfilling as I hoped, his nubs rubbing splendidly against my walls. My arms wrap around his neck, pulling his body ever so close. My nails dig into his hard skin, almost piercing it.

He suddenly stills, his breath stuttering. "Maybe you shouldn't have sucked my dick," he laughs.

"Yea," I snort," you promised me a ravaging. we barely even started and you're ready to end it."

"Shut up," he pulls out, unwrapping my arms from around him. I watch him confused, almost disappointed. He slithers down my body between my legs where he presses his two fingers inside me. I sigh, straying off my future disappointment as he begins fingering me.

"stalling, big boy," I laugh. He doesn't answer, leaning down to suck my clit as his fingers glide in and out. His claws rake gently along my walls, tingling me with satisfaction. He rumbles with a purr, nibbling on my clit.

"K-Kurt," I grab his horn," I don't wanna cum on your face again." he withdraws his fingers, licking them clean before crawling back up. I grab his face as he nears, ready to tease him. He beats me to it, cupping his hand over my mouth.

"I underestimated you temptress," he nuzzles my cheek," now let's try this again." he thrusts in again with a strained groan. He bucks quickly, reaching down to rub at my clit to finish me off. The startling amount of pleasure makes me reach out and pull him close.

"Kurt, fuck," I cry out," I take it back, you are doing great." he curls on his next thrust, laughing as he does.

"yea, I'm close too," he kisses my cheek.

We both cry into each other, our hot breaths ghosting over the other's skin. I fall first, unsurprisingly. I clench him everywhere. Locking down on his cock, pulling him close with my arms. I shout out his name, rolling into a cry as he pulls out all of my pleasure.

He falls soon after, bucking wildly before stilling. Something hot leaks inside, pulsing with him. It paints my insides as his whole body tenses then relaxes.

"Bless the heavens," he captures my lips fiercely," and my the heavens bless you."

"That sounds like a great compliment," I kiss him back.

"Highest one I can think of right now," he laughs. He soon pulls out, the feeling of him spilling from inside me makes me shiver. He then rolls over, pulling me along. I rest on his chest, hooking a leg over his hips. He grabs my thigh, petting along it as we settle.

"so," he draws out. I look at him from the corner of my eye.

"so," I answer similarly to him.

"am I a keeper," he cocks a brow.

I hum," not sure yet. You still have to make me breakfast in the morning."

"damn," he looks to the ceiling," I'm a shit cook."

"Shame," I shrug," guess I will have to teach you another thing then."

"Another thing?"

"Don't worry about it," I tease. He turns in my hold, facing me dead on.

"Did you not like how I ravaged you," he asks. I shrug again. He answers with a growl, rolling us so I straddle his lap. He pets along my thighs. "I guess you will have to show me how it's done then," he teases. I lean down, pressing a kiss to his nose.

"I guess I will."

-----------------------------------------

Finally, Jesus! It took me forever to write this.

Pt. 1

Check out my Archive | Masterlist | Main Blog

#monster boyfriend #alien boyfriend #large buff alien #alien x human #exophilia #Enigma-IM #sucker punched pt.2

335 notes · View notes

bittydragon · 4 years ago

Text

Costumes and Candy

Notes: I tried super hard to get this out before Halloween was over. I still have 10 minutes where I’m at, so I think I did it. (It may be a bit rushed though, whoops). Thought some cute Halloween shenanigans were in order. Happy Halloween!

“Despite being a borrower, this is still my favorite time of the year. Do you wanna know why~?”

Bad looked over at Skeppy, who was carelessly sitting on the countertop edge swinging his legs. He stared at Skeppy in silence for a few seconds debating on if he really wanted to know the reason. With a sigh of resignation, he gave Skeppy his full attention.

“Don’t make me regret this, Geppy. Why is this your favorite time of the year?” He regretted it as soon as he asked because of the shit-eating grin that appeared on the borrower’s face.

“I can pull so many pranks and humans either blame it on each other or ghosts! Like you did! Except it was not pumpkin day.” Bad groaned and settled his face in his hands. He should have expected an answer like that from the little trickster. It was no surprise to him that Skeppy’s pranks would amplify on the day that was literally made for mischief and scares. Bad himself liked the costume and candy aspect more of Halloween. It was so much fun dressing up as whatever you could think of. And the faces of the kids he handed out candy too every year made his day every single time.

He remembered trick-or-treating back when he was younger. The excitement from the candy surplus he managed to acquire every year was the most amazing feeling in the world. He wanted to spread that joy to any kid he possibly could. So as soon as he had his own home, he always sat outside with a pumpkin basket full of sweets. He had such a reputation around Halloween that even teenagers would come to his house shyly asking for candy themselves. Bad gladly gave in to their requests. Nobody was too old for trick-or-treating in his mind. He would attempt it if he didn’t want to give candy out more.

Suddenly, realization of something else Skeppy had said came to Bad’s mind. “Pumpkin day? Is that what you borrowers call it?” Skeppy stopped swinging his legs and looked up at Bad. Confusion was written all over his face.

“Yea. Pumpkin day. The day where children get into strange outfits to get free candy, where older humans go prank each other and get scared for fun, and where humans put pumpkins with silly pictures on them out in front of their homes. Do humans call it something else?” Skeppy looked confused. Bad just smiled at him. He moved his hands to rest directly below Skeppy and the borrower didn’t hesitate to slide himself into the awaiting hands.

“Us humans actually call this day Halloween. But pumpkin day is actually a good name for it too!” Skeppy smiled up at Bad and let out a short laugh.

“Halloween doesn’t even sound like it means anything! You humans are strange.”

“It’s a long explanation for the name. You’re right, we are pretty strange.”

They sat there in comfortable silence for a few moments before an idea popped into Bad’s head.

“Hey, Skeppy? Would you like to participate in a special Halloween tradition of mine later tonight?”

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George decided very quickly that he was glad Dream was now another one of his roommates.

They were all putting on the final touches to their costumes (even Dream, he was going to sneak around with them in George’s pocket) when Sapnap decided he wanted to bring a flamethrower with them. A real flamethrower. As a “part of his costume.” Sapnap was going as a werewolf.

He and Dream were both explaining that a flamethrower was a bad idea and that a flamethrower does not go with a werewolf. Sapnap was not pleased with his roommates tag teaming him against his case.

A few hours and a grumpy Sapnap later, they were standing on the porch in their costumes preparing to go out.

Sapnap grumbled to himself as he adjusted the ears on his head, mumbling about how George and Dream were no fun. George was just happy that the chances of arson were lowered. He looked down at his slightly torn shirt to check on Dream in his chest pocket. The small borrower had a small stretch of fabric running over his shoulders, mimicking a cape. Honestly, his vampire costume was rather cute, but George would never say that aloud for his dignity and Dream’s.

Dream smiled up at him and gave him a thumbs up. George nodded and looked back up to see Sapnap already halfway down the yard.

“Hurry up! I now know why you’re a zombie!” He shouted, suddenly making a break to the road.

“Oh shut up!” George quickly took off after his friend. He smiled at the laughter coming from his shirt.

A few minutes later, they found themselves standing in front of a small house. It was decorated with a few plastic bats and a few pumpkins were also found on the porch. There was also a familiar man sitting on the porch in the same chair as every year with the same pumpkin basket. George and Sapnap quickly ran up to the man, waving as they did so.

“BAD!” Bad smiled as he saw two of his closest friends run up to him.

“Hey you muffins! Should have known you two would stop by.” Bad paused to dramatically put his hand over his heart and put on a faux sad face. “But alas, you only want the candy and you no longer care about your good friend Bad!”

A small laugh rang out for a second before cutting off. George nervously brought his hand to his pocket, afraid that Dream just gave himself away. But Bad didn’t look suspicious, only slightly panicked. It was quickly replaced with laughter of his own, which George and Sapnap joined in on.

“Anyways, I am aware you two actually do want candy. Just take some, you know I can’t stop you.” George and Sapanap quickly dug into the bucket and pulled out a few pieces of candy. As soon as Bad looked down when he pulled the bucket back, George slipped a small candy into his pocket.

“By the way Bad, did you seriously dress up as an angel for Halloween?” George lifted an eyebrow at Bad, who just chuckled. “Kinda ironic because you’re pretty much a, y’know-”

“Yea, yea. I know. Thought it would be fun!”

After laughing for a bit, the duo said their goodbyes. As George was turning around, Dream decided to sneak a peek at this ‘Bad’ person. And he wasn’t sure if he was seeing things or if there was a tiny devil perched on his shoulder.

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“I should have never let this happen.” “Yea, you shouldn’t have let this happen.”

“...This may be more my fault, guys.”

Phil, Techno, and Wilbur watched on as Tommy once again tried to vault himself through the toaster while pretending to be a ghost and while Tubbo kept making attempts at flying by throwing himself off of whatever ledge he could find.

Their costumes were one of the main reasons for this all. Tommy wanted to dress up for this fun holiday and decided a tissue with ripped holes for eyes was perfect. And now that he was a ghost he thought he could phase through walls. He was probably very close to an injury. And Tubbo, with the cute bee outfit Phil put together for him, decided he could fly with the plastic wings on his back. Though, the sugar from the candy wasn’t helping either.

“Wilbur. How were you supposed to know they would be this way on sugar? This isn’t something you said you all had access too, you nerd.” Techno tried looking at Wilbur, who was perched on his shoulder. Wilbur just pat his cheek and redirected his gaze to Tubbo. Techno sighed and put his hand out right as Tubbo jumped again.

When Tubbo landed in Techno’s hand, he began to pout. Techno ignored this and just sat Tubbo back on the counter with a huff. Tubbo got over it rather quickly and was smiling and running again in a few seconds.

“Guess you got me there, Tech.” Techno smiled.

“Well yea. I’m always right. I’m Technoblade.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw an annoyed Phil walk away from the crime scene. He returned moments later with his signature bucket hat. Wilbur and Techno both gave him a questioning glance, but Phil seemed focused and promptly ignored them.

As soon as Tubbo jumped again, Phil slid his hat under the boy. Tubbo let out a surprised shout when he fell into the hat instead of someone’s hand. Tommy stopped ramming into the toaster as soon as he heard Tubbo’s shout. He didn’t get a moment to react before Phil reached out and swept him into the hat as Tubbo.

Techno and Wilbur both stared in shock at Phil, processing what just happened. The two boys were shouting a storm from the hat, clearly annoyed with their endeavors being interrupted. Phil just stared back at Techno and Wilbur, clearly looking tired and annoyed.

Wilbur was the first to break. He started laughing, and Techno joined him soon after. Phil smiled at that. At least they found his solution funny. Though, without anything to do, the two young borrowers quickly crashed from their sugar high. They began settling in the bottom of the hat and started to fall asleep.

“I am gladly giving up my hat if those two are sleeping now. That was horrible.” Despite Phil’s words, he looked adoringly at the two boys in his hat.

“Y’know, that one guy definitely had a borrower with him.”

“The devil one?”

“No, the vampire one.”

“Oh, ok.”

Wilbur, Techno, and Phil stared at the two boys who just fell asleep in shock. They didn’t see anyone with a devil or vampire costume. Which meant there were other borrowers who had dressed up and were with other humans.

Things just kept getting weirder and weirder.

For everyone.

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shattered-catalyst · 4 years ago

Text

OCD Subtypes for the RPC

Part 1 is here

Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.

Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person. Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.

Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.

There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.

Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.

OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.

If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.

But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.

So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.

Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.

Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.

I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.

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So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.

Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame. The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.

We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].

It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.

Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.

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You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.

Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.

For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.

Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.

Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.

Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder.

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To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD. Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.

The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.

Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?

Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.

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Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma.

If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point.

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Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;

Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered

Trigger: seeing a squirrel

Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day

Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault

Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,

Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening,

Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.

Cute right?

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Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...

Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.

It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes.

My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!

Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs.

You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’

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Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those. Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).

I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.

Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)

Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.

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Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..

Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.

Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.

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Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’

This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.

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False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.

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Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.

Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest.

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Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.

This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.

To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.

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Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible.

This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’

It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.

(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)

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pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.

Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.

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Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.

However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.

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Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.

Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness. There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.

This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.

For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence.

This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.

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Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.

Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities. There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.

Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?

A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.

The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype.

Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)

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Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.

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Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD. With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows.

We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day. That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things.

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Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.

Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.

This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.

It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’

So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.

#OCD #writing help #OCD resources.#*drops 10 pages onto your dash* whoops

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