#once i’ve done all the challenges there’s only one more achievement i need to get… expedition leader watch out….

[will-bonna]

HELL YEAH i’ve only got 6 more challenges left!!

[auras-moonstone]

Hey babe! I’m sure you get lots of requests but I’ve been reading all your stuff lately(so good omg and so addicting) but I was wondering if you could do enemies to lovers. With either Jack or ethan. Whatever comes to mind. Love ya!

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

ᡣ𐭩 word count: 1.2k

ᡣ𐭩 pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader

ᡣ𐭩 summary: ethan and y/n have a rivalry going on, until one day y/n explodes and ethan decides it’s time to change the core of their relationship.

ᡣ𐭩 contents/warnings: academic rivalry. enemies to lovers(ish). insecurities. fighting. screaming. making up (and out). a little bit of toxicity.

y/n left the classroom practically fuming, with a smug-faced ethan trailing behind her. they had just been given their marks on their econ exam, and while y/n had passed, ethan had beaten her once again. by far.

it was exhausting. the boy was so smart, he didn’t even need to study. paying attention to class sufficed, he memorised everything and understood easily. y/n, on the other hand, wasn’t a natural. she had to stay hours on a chair trying to get the contents in her mind. and while she made an immense amount of effort, ethan always managed to come out in top of her.

she was insanely jealous of ethan. yes, maybe the few times she achieved higher marks than him she’d gloat a little bit (a lot). and yes, maybe the nonsense rivalry between them had started because of her and her bitterness but she couldn’t help but put up a fight.

some days y/n would feel bad about being the detonator of the stupid enmity, but today was definitely not one of those days.

“hey, y/n/n, it’s okay. econ is a very hard subject, not everyone understands it quite like i do.” ethan said, cockiness trying to be disguised with a very poorly-done empathetic tone.

y/n kept stomping, not even the rain could stop her from trying to get away from him.

“i could tutor you, if you’d like.” he continued, ignoring the way the fabric from her polo shirt was starting to get soaked.

“what i’d really like is if you’d leave me alone.”

“nope, this is my favorite part of feedback day. i love rubbing my high marks all over your face.” the tall boy smiled.

it was a crime that the cutest smile she’d ever seen belonged to the most insufferable man on earth. it only made her more furious. “get lost, landry.”

“we live in the same dorm building.” he laughed.

“well, take another route.”

“my god, you’re such a sore loser. i don’t say a thing when you gloat. which doesn’t get to happen very often, but still.” he rolled his eyes.

was he right? of course. was she going to admit he had a great point? no. was she going to keep unleashing her fury and jealousy? hell yes.

“yeah, well, once you get to beat mr. perfect, it’s an inevitable thing to do.”

his jaw tensed. “why are you so frustrating?” he screamed over the rain and thunders.

“why won’t you leave me alone?!” she screamed back, stopping in her tracks. “if i’m so frustrating why don’t you just stay away?” he stayed silent because he didn’t have a reason why. at least, none that he could say aloud without her running away. “huh, ethan? why do you keep sitting next to me even though the classroom is always empty when we arrive?!”

truth was, he was addicted to the rollercoaster of a relationship they both had. y/n always challenged him, made him feel alive. it wasn’t sane, it was completely intoxicating and wild and crazy, but it was his serotonin and he was addicted to it.

but this? up until today, it has been silly bragging and comebacks. this y/n seemed deranged, absolutely insane. he didn’t want her to truly hate him, because there was not a bone in ethan’s body that held any hatred towards her.

ethan admired her. he admired her perseverance, her intelligence, her witty, her humor. and even though it had never been towards him, he witnessed how kind she was to others. he wondered when it’d be his turn to have that part of y/n—the one that smiled genuinely, the one that joked, the one that laughed warmly.

it was clear the end of the stupid rivalry was in his hands because it would be an endless battle if it were for y/n, she was never going to let her armour down. he was ready for their relationship to change.

so with determined steps, ethan made his way towards her until he was so close that her chest almost touched his. “because i’m so fucking attracted to you. never thought i could feel this much about someone that hates my guts, but here i am.”

y/n’s eyes widened and searched in his face for any sign that he was messing with her. but she only found pleading brown eyes and eyebrows furrowed in anguish.

“and i’m going to kiss you right now, in risks of getting kneed in the balls, which is something you’d one hundred percent do.”

y/n might’ve laughed at that, but before she could do anything, ethan’s big hands grabbed her waist and pushed her towards him, closing the distance.

they stayed kissing in the rain for a while, not caring about the clothes sticking to their skins or the amount of water that fell down their faces. maybe their fights had been the perfect foreplay, because the kiss was unlike anything they’d experienced before. the rush that ran through their veins was intense and heart-racing.

“wow.” y/n said when they had to pull away for air. her fingers were still threading through his wet hair.

“yeah.” he agreed, letting out a laugh. “now that my kiss sort of sedated the beast within you—”

“fuck you.” she muttered, but this time there was nothing but playfulness in her tone.

“—let’s talk about what is going on inside your head, because we can’t keep on going like this.”

the walk back to her dorm was silent but the tension that always seemed to surround them was gone. their fingers were intertwined, and y/n leaned on ethan’s arm with his jacket around her shoulders.

“i’m sorry, ethan. i’m the one that started this stupidity.” y/n said as they settled on the couch.

“i never put a stop to it.” he pointed out.

“you were just playing the game i started. you never had bad intentions, but i fought with you because i resented you.”

“resented me? why? why did i do?” he asked, taken aback.

“no. nothing, not really. it’s just… i envied that you were so good at every class. i hated that i spent hours trying to make sense of what was in front of me while you understood everything so effortlessly. and the marks always hit me in the ego and insecurities.”

“and everytime i paraded my mark… i was just fuelling your anger.”

“well, yeah, but it’s not on you. it’s all me, in my head. during high school, everyone practically patted me in the head and congratulated me for my marks… and now, in college, i’m struggling like i’ve never before. it’s so horrible, i feel like a failure.”

ethan pulled her into his arms as she broke down. “you’re not a failure, y/n. college is very different from high school, and everyone struggles in their own way. no, i don’t have any problem when it comes to clases but socialising? trying to make friends? that’s where i struggle. it terrifies me.”

and now she hated herself more because it was at that moment that she realized she had been mean to someone who did not deserve it at all. “i’m so fucking sorry, ethan. you’re amazing and i’m sorry that i ever made you feel bad.”

“i’m sorry, too. i never meant it, but i still hurt you with my mocking. so let just call it even and move on, please.”

“we’re not even close to being even, but i want to move on, too. i want to get to know you. start over.” she said, brushing away the wet strands of hair that sticked to his forehead.

“but can we, maybe, please, not obviate the kiss? cause that was really fucking good and i want more of that.”

y/n laughed and hugged his neck. “that sounds perfect.”

[charmedreincarnation]

Wu Wei: The Taoist Principle of Action in Non-Action

This concept has been around for thousands of years, and is a major component in the philosophy of Taoism. It is a call to practice non-intervention and non-resistance in everyday life, encouraging an effortless flow in one's actions and interactions.

Rather than striving for a desired outcome or forcing change, Wu Wei invites us to accept what is and remain open to the unfolding of our lives. We can observe without judgement and seek understanding without manipulation. It can be easy to become overwhelmed with life's problems and challenges when we focus on our desires for things to be different. But in Wu Wei, we learn to simply "be" in the moment and savor the beauty of it.

In Wu Wei, every action is connected and has an effect, even when it appears that we are not doing anything. We can practice being mindful and present in our daily lives, with a calm trust that all will unfold as it must. We can acknowledge what we need to do but not become attached to a particular result, understanding that the outcome may be very different from our expectations.

In summary, Wu Wei is much more than simply inaction. It is an active practice requiring deliberate intention and presence. To truly embody Wu Wei requires us to be aware of our actions and reactions in every moment and to make decisions based on our innermost truth rather than external forces. This way of living allows us to be more connected with ourselves and find harmony within our environment.

So how do we apply Wu Wei to manifesting?

To put it into perspective, have you ever noticed how when you’re not paying attention to something you do it better. Wether it w dancing, singing, or mundane work, if I’m not actively paying attention to said activity, it gets done the best way possible.

To use this principle into spiritual practices First, it’s important to get clear on what you want. So take some time to get really specific about what you want to attract into your life. Visualizing your desired outcome can be a great way to keep that focus.

Once you’ve done this, the next step is to be open to the infinite possibilities that exist within the universe. Surrender to the idea that you don’t know all the possibilities that are available for you – and it’s because of this openness that the universe will start moving in the direction of what you desire.

At this point, start doing things that will bring your desired outcome closer. This could be doing research on the topic, or making connections with people who can help you out. Take action with intention and from a place of power. Additionally, take note of any signs or opportunities that suddenly come up- these are your affirmations that the universe is leading you in the right direction.

Finally, let go of expectations and trust in the process. Don’t try to control or manipulate anything- instead let the flow of life take its course, and if it doesn’t happen right away, trust that something better is coming your way.

Applying Wu Wei to manifesting is all about believing that the universe is on your side and will provide what you need when the time is right. With just a bit of conscious thought and effort, you can trust that what you desire will come into fruition. Using this I’ve practically been able to attain whatever I want. It’s easier said than done but with practice I believe it’s not only good for your mind and stress for achieving your goals, but is pretty efficient and liberating :)

[shardssystem]

Lore24 Compilation - June

Another month, another step down in the year’s challenge! (toots a tiny horn)

Following on from May’s bestiary theme, for this month, once again we went with a theme with a supremely tortured pun. The idea was to lay some adventure hooks, using the locations fleshed out in March’s posts. Each location would have its own unique notice board, on which NPCs would put up community notices that would potentially lead players to quests. See if you can guess which board goes where! Please enjoy - Junventures.

1 - You see a notice board, made of a dark wood with a thin coating of ice. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Help Wanted: Must Win Bet

Adventurers wanted to settle a bet. My friend claims that there is nothing to the south, as if the world falls into nothingness as on maps. I protest his foolishness, but he will not be swayed! Reward for accompaniment to venture past the southern border, and bonus for a safe return.”

2 - You see a notice board, made of salvaged driftwood, warped slightly by salt. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Concerned Citizens!

I know that you all are worried about the abandoned ship that appears to be docked out in the bay, past the known safe passages. We are seeking a brave soul, but will accept more!, to investigate. If while you’re there, you could also send the vessel on its way somehow, I believe our fishermen would appreciate it!”

3 - You see a notice board, made of a light wood inlaid with gold filigree. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“I heard from my mate’s friend’s wife that the Mint is actually keeping only a BIT of what they actually keep in the vaults! Most of the good stuff is stashed underground, just outside the city. Equal share for joining in, shares go up if someone else doesn’t make it.

No backstabbing. Can’t do it again. Time critical.”

4 - You see a notice board, covered with graffiti of all manner of accusations, claims, and vulgarities. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Looking 4 New Muscle

Planning raid on castle. Figure they cant get us all. Ifn you can knock out Big Lou, yer in. Lose and we take your shit. Make it through 3 rounds and we’ll talk bout it.

If your a cop, you have to tell us. Also piss off, this ain’t for you. You come, you dy. Don’t believe me ask your mum.”

5 - You see a notice board made of tessellating bricks and tiles. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“WANTED FOR IMMEDIATE SALE

ONE DRAGON SKULL, THREE STRIPS OF SEEKER HOUND LEATHER, TWO GEMS OF GREEN COLOURATION

MONEY NO OBJECT

MY DESIGN NEEDS IT. THE VOICES SAY THAT IS THE KEY. THE TEMPLE IT CREATES WILL OUTLAST MY TENURE AS MAYOR. WE WILL FEAST AND REVEL UNDER THEIR LIGHT

PLEASE

they worry me”

6 - You see a notice board of manasteel and brass alloy. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Seeking day labour to prepare for upcoming landing and Restoration Day. Hard workers preferred, but work can be found for all who wish. Restoration Day is an important time for all Citadels, and we don’t want to be outdone again, do we? Where’s our civic pride?! Work will largely consist of construction of a performance stage, so we can show off our best!”

7 - You see a notice board of stone, wrapped with vines. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“This your bird?

Found a bird in jungle. Pretty. Flaps wings like storm. White of cloud and blue of sky. Does not appreciate good story. Every morning wakes up dead. Unmoving and cold. Grey of rain. Each night, wakes again. Singing to friends? Singing, yes. Will trade for bird unless is yours. Then you claim in trade for story. Good story. Like food but for heart.”

8 - You see a notice board made of rough hewn wood with worn stain. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“What’s Up There?!

I’ve lived a long life, and done a great deal of things, this is undeniable. But for all my achievements, I have never scaled Mt. Sanmaya; the tallest peak of the land. There has to be something up there! But my age betrays me. If you carry me up there, you may have your choice of my life’s treasures. You will not be disappointed.”

9 - You see a notice board made of a dark wood, cut at perfect angles. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Assassin? Or something worse?

Not many seem to have noticed, but I have; Those under the tutelage of Mistress Atonement, but choose another path, seemingly fall ill; even perishing in extreme cases. This cannot be a coincidence. Either some foul play is afoot, or this is a warning sign of things to come for us all. Please help me investigate.”

10 - You see a notice board, made of an odd coloured wood and poorly maintained. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“BOUNTY ON THE RAT

Some joker in a mask keeps interfering with our warehouses, and beating up our boys. Leaving notes.

And before you say it, I know what rats look like. This ain’t no rat. This is some crazy lady.

Reward if you figure out who she is. More if you get her to stop. More if you bring her here, alive.”

11 - You see a notice board, simply made with accessories of bone tied to it. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Songs of the hills?

Last time I went out for a ride, I swear I heard someone singing. Even though I tried to look, I couldn’t see anyone. But the sound was real! I did my best to copy the song, and Old Marwa said she recognised it from her grandfather? But no one else knows it, so what’s going on?! Help me find out who’s singing!”

12 - You see a notice board, intricately carved with imagery of dancers and other artistic displays. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“What If It’s Not Just A Threat?!

Opening night is coming up, and again we’ve received a letter from a self-proclaimed superfan. This time though, it says that they intend to steal our star before the performance, ruining the show! Looking for people to investigate, but will settle for a decent replacement.”

13 - You see a notice board, plain and unadorned except for a pair of simple iron caps on the posts. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Missing Sentinel

One of the sentinels responsible for guarding the town square has failed to report for duty. Witnesses claim it was seen heading east, and that there was something wrong with its hand. Reward for safe return, whole or in parts. Command scroll to be provided.”

14 - You see a notice board, simply made with accessories of bone tied to it. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Will Pay For Water

A week back, five blue lights appeared around my well, making lines between them in a star shape. No matter what we try, nothing can get past those lines. Even trying to break the well underneath them! We’re getting desperate. We’ve already accepted the loss of crops, but we’re getting so thirsty. We need water!”

15 - You see a notice board of manasteel and brass alloy. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Seeking the perfect companion?

Come visit the menagerie! Located on the main street of Punhan district, the Commodore has granted permission for release and sale of some of our most requested animals to celebrate Restoration Day! We recommend a strict vegetarian diet for most of our cuddliest friends. More information on adoption! Mention this flyer for a prize!”

16 - You see a notice board of stone, wrapped with vines. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Many herbs grow out in the wilds. I’m too frail to go myself, and it’s not something that can be cured. But I know they can provide relief to others, and I need to prove my worth. It’s the only way I can be sure they wouldn’t abandon me. So if you are able to travel out to get me some herbs (list provided), I can convince the others to let me stay. Thank you.”

17 - You see a notice board, made of salvaged driftwood, warped slightly by salt. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“The DEADLIEST Game!

It’s well known that people-hunting is the most dangerous game.

OR IS IT!?!?!

Anyone who’s ever lived near or on the sea KNOWS that there are bigger fish to catch. LITERALLY! There are giant fish out there who could swallow your ship whole! And you think YOU stand a chance?!

Join me on my next hunt. If you DARE!!!”

18 - You see a notice board, plain and unadorned except for a pair of simple iron caps on the posts. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Missing island?

While cleaning my grandfather’s estate, I stumbled across a pile of old maps. One of them shows the five continents as we know them, but also labels an additional island that’s missing from every map that’s newer. What is ‘Dosoga’? I will be mounting an expedition; please join if you have information.”

19 - You see a notice board, made of a dark wood with a thin coating of ice. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Tomas found some books that he said came from some ruined building, but that he can’t remember where it was. He refuses to share them with me, but he can’t even read them himself. Which is why I’m writing this for him. He’ll pay you to translate them, I’ll pay double if you steal them. I’ll give them back; he just needs to learn the lesson.”

20 - You see a notice board, made of a light wood inlaid with gold filigree. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“CRABS CAN’T BE CONQUERED!

That’s right! We’re so convinced of the quality of our courier crustaceans, that we here at Crazy Cevin’s Crustaceans will give you, YES YOU!, a TRULY crazy discount on our thoroughbred Broadshells if you can manage to beat one in a race! We accept trade-ins! But come to win, because we can’t be beat! See Kevin today!”

21 - You see a notice board, intricately carved with imagery of dancers and other artistic displays. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Town Hall has been invaded by a Phantom!

It’s not every night, but most nights the night watch reports that a mysterious individual appears to survey the grounds, interacting with things that aren’t there, and eventually walking through walls. We want the real story, especially if it’s a good one! Please investigate!”

22 - You see a notice board, made of an odd coloured wood and poorly maintained. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Calling Card

Too many people forget that I’m one of the original gang bosses in this town. So it’s time for a big plan, and I need some extra hands. No one in this town is trustworthy enough though. I will steal the bridge out of town to prove I’ve still got it.

Yes, the whole bridge.

No, this isn’t a joke.

And no, you can’t keep it.”

23 - You see a notice board, covered with graffiti of all manner of accusations, claims, and vulgarities. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Usual hold got raided last night but they didnt get evrything. Lookin fer muscle to get the stuff back. Gunna be hard so youl have to do the legwork. Find out who betraied us and make them regret it. Find the goods and you can take from whats there too. Take too much we take yor hands. Cant carry stuff with no hands”

24 - You see a notice board, carved on a steel plate, fixed to the side of a building. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“I’m innocent, I swear!

People are going around saying I killed the smith’s son, just because they think I’m the only person who could. But it’s not true! There was a half-man, half-something that came out of the water and attacked him! I know this sounds like I’m crazy, but I’m not! Please help me clear my name before the trial!”

25 - You see a notice board of manasteel and brass alloy. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Seeking Assistant

Our research team is looking for someone who can blend in with the populous below, to test some of our latest discoveries. Preference given to people who appear dull of wit. You will be responsible for a set of devices worth more than your family’s annual wages, so take care. Experience with Enchantment and/or Illusion Magitech an advantage.”

26 - You see a notice board made of tessellating bricks and tiles. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“By Mayoral Decree

No music is to be played for the duration of the building year. Those claiming to be Bards are to be exiled immediately. Performance is allowed, but only of the more noble arts. Music is for the common folk, and we should aspire to better. But I am not without grace. A hand-in reward will be issued for any instruments to be destroyed.”

27 - You see a notice board, plain and unadorned except for a pair of simple iron caps on the posts. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“My signet ring has been replaced with a fake! Father always said that when I came of age, I could show that ring, and I would be accepted as the new lord! But no! They laughed at me and sent me away! I demand justice! Someone must have stolen the real thing, to prevent my rightful ascension! Help me! Reward negotiable.”

28 - You see a notice board of stone, wrapped with vines. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Sights Beyond Sight

We all know there is that one area of the jungle that smells so bad that people pass out until they get rescued, yeah? Well, I’ve cracked it! Turns out, if you let yourself get bitten by one of the yellow vipers, NOT THE ORANGE ONES, the smell goes away! Trouble is, you start seeing some real strange stuff. Even now, they still watch me. Help!”

29 - You see a notice board, covered with graffiti of all manner of accusations, claims, and vulgarities. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Justice For Chance!

Second Chance did nothing wrong; she was framed! Anyone who’s anyone knows that it was Haldal’s boys that bumped off the guard! So I figured we get her back and we can get revenge. The guards will be transporting her to the gallows in the week. We’re intercepting. Are you in, or are you a target?”

30 - You see a notice board made of rough hewn wood with worn stain. Many signs are posted, but one catches your eye…

“Grandson Wants A Gift

I’ve always tried to do right by my family, even if I had to stay away from them for so long in my younger days. So when my grandson said that he wanted a flying carpet for his birthday, how am I supposed to say no? Actual question. I need to be able to deny him without guilt, or give him what he asked for. Any advice?”

So what did you think? Anything sound intriguing? Would you take any of these jobs? Let us know, and we’ll see you for July. And I’m sorry in advance. 😅

[tianuimaeum]

!free

At first, I thought I was free. I believed it was only school and academics holding me back. But it turns out this is a big world, and facing it without a challenge would be boring. Let’s try to put those feelings into words once more, shall we? I'm really sad right now, and it's because I have a big feelings for everyone. Before I say anything more, I want to express that I'm still beyond grateful for everything that has happened to me, for everything I've been able to experience, and for everything I have in my life right now. But can I just be myself? Can I set aside all those 'utang na loob' and focus on what I truly feel inside? I Was Today Years Old When I Realized That I Was a Musical Genius

I always told myself I was pretty much mediocre at everything I did… or was I?

Imagine that, despite everything I lacked, I’m still the person I am today. For real, if I had all those fancy things, I think I’d be pretty much unstoppable. Not gonna lie, I’ve learned various things, and for sure, I’m not average at them. I’m actually good at what I do. It feels like I have many interests, but at the same time, I’m really good at what I do. I just thought I was mediocre because that’s what life is, where you don’t truly know yourself, and you always look down on yourself. But now, everything feels different, and I think things would be even more different if I had everything.

Imagine if I had an electric guitar way back then.

if I had my own drum set.

if I had my own keyboard.

My own saxophone.

My own sound system

My own studio.

My own laptop, decent enough to be capable of doing everything

My own space where I could do anything, anytime, without thinking of anything else, just focusing on that one thing

One fact about me: there's always a sudden spark of creativity. It feels like a torch handed to you out of nowhere for a split second. If you don't light it up the moment the world gives it to you, it will be gone forever, lost into the void.

If only I had those things, right? And you can't tell me that it's just an excuse, like I need to act, that I don't need fancy gear, the best of the best, that I only need equipment that works to get it done. I don't need to hear that, because I've already done it, and this is the result. This is the me right now. What I'm saying is, what could it have been? What more? If only those things were within reach? If everything was at arm's reach? Who would I be? What would I have become?

Right now that I'm close to achieving all of my dreams, all those "what ifs." I just hope that I'm not too late, and that I'll still become the person I was always meant to be.

[m39]

Doom WADs’ Roulette (2004): Decade

After being highlighted in the Top 100 WADs of All Time with both Null Space from 2001 and Doom Raider: Crypt of the Vile from 2003, Russel Pearson has been once again awarded for his contributions to the WAD-making community in 2004. This time, with one of the first Cacowards for this map. And as for me, it’s the third time I’ll be taking a look at his work.

G2: Decade

Main author(s): Russell Pearson

Release date: June 3rd, 2004 (original release)/ September 2004 (database upload)

Version played: ???

Required port compatibility: ZDoom

Levels: 1 (MAP01 replacement)

Decade is somewhat of a celebration of the 10th birthday of the Doom franchise. Some of you might even consider this map as a condensed version of the classic games.

It all started in mid-November, 2003 when the author found out about Doom’s 10th anniversary. He decided to make a map for this occasion (that started as a hybrid of the first maps from both games), and he made it. It was rubbish, he thought, salvaged what he thought had potential, and created what you can see today. Bigger and more linear than he thought, but still considered to be a well-done map by him.

Now, it’s my turn to check if this map is worthy of celebrating Doom’s 10th anniversary, or just celebrating this franchise overall.

I don’t really have anything bad to say about how this map looks. Sure, I could whine that it doesn’t look interesting texture-wise, how it’s yet another Knee-Deep in the Dead-themed, tech base map, or how it looks basic and doesn’t try that hard, but it makes sense here since Decade, as I said already, is a celebration of the Doom franchise achieving ten years of its existence.

And for this celebration, I really adore the references to the original maps. Maps like Hangar,

Deimos Anomaly,

Hell Keep,

or Refueling Base among other maps referenced in Decade.

As always, using a music track from Doom I instead of Doom II is always a bonus since it makes the map less stale to play.

Gameplay-wise, this map is rather simple to play. Typical Doom gameplay on a moderately big map, as it should be for the reasons I’ve already mentioned. Although, Decade tends to spice up some stuff.

Unlike the classic Doom games, Decade requires you to jump. Usually in terms of secrets and grabbing an item on boxes but there is one moment in the yellow key area where jumping is basically needed to get the key without melting in acid.

There is one interesting case where you encounter a set of four switches.

One of these will lower the lift nearby, two will raise some pillars with plasma and the last one will summon a bunch of Imps. Now, the funny thing about these switches that I notices while gathering material for secrets and screenshots, is that they are randomized. I don’t remember ever encountering (or at least noticing) such a funny mechanic in a custom Doom map/WAD. It kind of gives Decade a slight replay value.

There is another funny moment with a stack of boxes full of rockets.

When you encounter them the first time playing this map, you might think that by reaching their other side, you will be able to grab them, right? No. Turns out that you can only get like one or two rockets before blowing the barrel in the middle of the stack. Guess what happens next?

You actually need to do this if you want to get the secret in one of the previous areas. It’s kind of clever and hilarious.

Decade is challenging. It’s not as challenging as, let’s say, Deus Vult for instance but it can still screw you over if you are not constantly vigilant. It will also be one step ahead of you most of the time. Falling back to the previous room to bottleneck the enemies while they are trying to squeeze through the door? Guess what? Either more enemies will spawn in that area or the doors are shut. Either way, you are screwed unless you play this map slowly.

Even though on Hurt Me Plenty, this map starts at 634 enemies and may go even up to over 750, around 2/3rds of the enemies are low-tier. Half of them are actually Imps that can be easily mowed down if you are good at dodging, even though it tends to be tiring at the beginning and the end of a map for different reasons.

In order to spice shit up, the map introduces Supercharged enemies. You can recognize them by the platform that is lightened in red.

These enemies will keep resurrecting themselves until you deactivate the charger they are standing on. Thankfully there are only two of these enemies (replacing Cyberdemons and Spiderdemons). Supercharged Revenants now fire two rockets in a series while Supercharged Mancubi, instead of firing 2*3 fireballs, now shoot a volley of five projectiles in a horizontal line. Also, they are around twice as tanky as their normal counterparts.

I encountered one bug during my blind playthrough. When disabling one of the resurrection chargers, the uber-Revenant basically died after turning it off, like he was crushed or something.

Also, there is one interesting thing that is not a glitch but it’s worth mentioning. One of the secrets requires a set of teleporters (where the last one is hidden) to be used. But there is an unofficial way to get there too. You can cheese it by strafe-jumping from one of the Revenant platforms to get to the secret. And since jumping is now needed, well...

>:]

Decade is a lovable map that is a good choice for celebrating Doom’s birthday. Even though it can kick your ass, it’s still fun to play. If you are interested in this map, you can download either the original version from 2004 or the remaster from 2019 (that I’ll review in the rather distant future).

Three maps from Russell Pearson and a hat trick of really good quality. That’s how maps/WAD for ZDoom should’ve evolved: as an extension of Boom mechanics and features, rather than pretending to be some big, ambitious mod that wants to be the next Half-Life or something.

Tune in next time, folks, when we will be taking a look at the full version of RTC-3057 (or what was left of it after it was abandoned).

Bye!

[that-disabled-radfem]

Happy back-to-school y’all

I’ve attended and worked at a couple of super liberal universities. I avoid the gender studies departments for obvious reasons and I still had a lecture in which the female prof gave a brief overview of TERFs and proclaimed her hatred of JKR. Being openly critical of gender ideology, the porn industry, kinks, and ‘sex work’ are the kind of things that can ruin your future in academia. Not to mention the fact that any speech or actions that could be labelled transphobic (ie. defining woman as adult human female) can get you a suspension according to many universities anti-hate-speech policies. 

So, here’s a list of small and smallish (small in terms of overt TERFery, some may require more effort than others) radical feminist actions you can take as a university student:

(this is a liberal arts perspective so if you’re a stem gal this may not apply. but also if you’re in stem maybe you can actually acknowledge that women are oppressed as a sex class without getting kicked out of school. idk)

(Note for TRAs hate reading this: One of the core actions of radical feminism is creating female networks. This is not so that we can brainwash people into being anti-trans. This is because female solidarity is necessary for creating class consciousness and overturning patriarchy. It is harder to subjugate the female sex when we stand together.)

Take classes with female profs. Multiple sections of a class? Pick the one taught by a woman. Have to chose an elective? Only look at electives offered by women. When classes have low numbers they get cancelled. When classes are super popular, universities are forced to consider promoting the faculty that teach them

Make relationships with these female profs. Go to office hours. Chat after class. Ask them about their research. Building female networks is sooooo important!

Actually fill in your end of year course feedback forms. Profs often need these when applying for tenure or applying for a job at another university so it is very important (especially with young and/or new profs) that you fill out these forms and give specific examples of how great these women are. Go off about what you love about them! Give her a brilliant review because you know the idiot boy in that class who won’t shut up even though he knows nothing is going to give her only negative feedback because he thinks any woman who leaves the house is a feminazi b*tch. 

(note: obviously don’t go praising any prof - female or male - who is blatantly racist, homophobic, etc.)

(Also if you have shitty male profs write down all the horrible things they have done and said and put it in these forms because once a shitty man gets tenure they are virtually untouchable)

(also also, leave a good review on rate my profs or whatever other thing students use to figure out if they want to take classes. idc if you copy paste your feedback from the formal review. rave about the class to your friends. do what you can to get good enrolment for that prof for reasons above.)

Participate in class. Talk over the male students. Say what you mean and mean it. Call out the boys when they say dumb shit

Write about women. If you have the option to make a text written by a woman your primary text in an essay, do it. Pick the female-centred option if you’re writing an exam-essay with multiple prompts. (Profs often look at what works on their syllabus are being written about/engaged with as a marker of whether to keep those texts the next time they teach the class. If there are badass women on your syllabus, write about them to keep them on the syllabus) Use female-written secondary sources whenever possible. 

(pro tip: many women in academia are more than happy to talk to you about their papers. expand your female networks by reaching out to article authors through email and asking them about their cool shit)

Get your essays published! Many departments have undergrad journals you can publish in. This will ensure more people read about the women you write about and will demonstrate to the department that people like learning about women

Consider trying to publish your undergrad essay with a legit peer-reviewed journal. If you can do it, your use of female-written secondary sources boosts the reputations of the women who wrote those secondary sources. Also this helps generally to increase scholarship about women’s writing!

Present your papers at conferences! Many schools have their own undergraduate/departmental conferences that you can present at. Push yourself by submitting to outside conferences. Bring attention to women’s works by presenting your papers. Take a space at a conference that would otherwise be reserved for mediocre men

Talk to your profs and/or your department and/or your university about mandating the inclusion of female works in classes if this isn’t something they do already

Sit next to other women in your classes. Talk to them. Make friends. Form study groups. Proofread each other’s essays. Give each other knowing looks when the boys are being dumb. Just interact with other women! Build those female networks!

Be generous with your compliments. A female classmate and I were talking to a prof after class and the classmate told me (out of the blue) that I always have such interesting things to say. I think about that whenever I’m lacking confidence about my academic skills. Compliment the women in your classes for speaking up, for sharing their opinions, for challenging your classmates/profs, for doing cool presentations, etc.

Talk to other women about sexist things going on on campus. Make everyone aware of the sexist profs. Complain about how there are many more tenured men than tenured women. Go on rate my professor and be explicit about how the sexist profs are sexist

Be active on campus and in societies. If a society has an all male executive or is male-dominated, any women who join that society make it less intimidating for more women to join. Run for executive positions! Bring in more women! 

(Pro tip: Many societies’ elections are super gameable. You can be eligible to vote in a society election sometimes just by being a student at that university — even without having done anything with the society before. Other societies might just require that you’ve taken a class in a particular department or attended a society event. (Check the society’s governing documents.) Use those female networks you’ve been building. If you can bring three or four random people to vote for you, that might be enough for you to win. Societies have trouble meeting quorum (the minimum number of people in attendance to do votes) so it is really super achievable to rig an election with a few friends. And don’t feel bad about this. The system is rigged against women so you have every right to exploit loopholes!)

(Also feel free to go vote “non-confidence”/“re-open election” if only shitty men are running. Too often people see that only candidates they don’t like are running and so they give up. But you can actually stop them getting elected)

Your campus may have a LGBTQIA+alphabetsoup society. That society definitely needs more L and B women representation. It may be tedious to argue with the nb straight dudes who insist that it’s fine to use “q***r” in the society’s posters and that attraction has nothing to do with genitals, but just imagine what could happen if we could make these sorts of societies actually safe spaces for same-sex attracted women and advocated for our concerns

Attend random societies’ election meetings. Get women elected and peace out. (or actually get involved but I’m trying to emphasize the lowest commitment option with this one)

Write for the campus newspaper. Write about what women are doing - women’s sports, cool society activities, whatever. Review female movies, books, tv shows, local theatre productions. Write about sexism on campus. We need more female by-lines and more stories about women

Get involved with your campus’s sexual assault & r*pe hotline/sexual assault survivor’s centre/whatever similar organization your campus has if you can. This is hard work and definitely not for everyone (pls take care of yourself first, especially if you are a survivor)

(If your campus doesn’t have an organization for supporting survivor’s of sexualized violence, start one! This is probably going to be a lot of hard work though, so don’t do it alone)

Talk to your student council about providing free menstrual hygiene products on campus if your campus doesn’t already do this. If your campus provides free condoms (which they probs do), use that as leverage (ie. ‘sex is optional, menstruation is not. so why do we have free condoms and no free pads?’)

If you’re an older student, get involved with younger students (orientation week and such activities are good for this). Show the freshman that you can be a successful and well-liked woman without shaving your legs, wearing heels, wearing make-up, etc. Mentor these young women. Offer to go for coffee or proofread essays. 

Come to class looking like a human being. Be visibly make-up less, unshaven, unfeminine, etc. to show off the many different ways of being a woman

Talk to the custodial staff and learn their names. (I know there are men who work in this profession, but it is dominated by low-income women) Say hi in the hallways, ask them about their lives, show them they’re appreciated

Be explicit with your language. When you are talking about sex-based oppression, say it. Don’t say ‘sex worker’ when you mean survivor of human trafficking. This tip is obviously a bit tricky in terms of overt TERFyness, so use your best judgement

That’s all from me for now! Feel free to add your suggestions and remember that feminism is about action

[makeste]

“but I thought about how I needed to say this”

a.k.a. yet another meta dissection of The Apology. I actually wrote most of this up on Friday night based on the original Japanese (@pikahlua​ has an excellent translation up here, and I also used @hanashimas’ translations as a reference as well), but I wanted to wait until the official release, though that turned out to be a mixed bag to say the least lol.

I would also recommend reading @pikahlua​ and @class1akids​’ breakdowns of this scene (here and here, respectively), because they are excellent, and because if any scene deserves to have as many meta breakdowns written about it as possible, it’s this one.

anyway so here goes.

Caleb did a more accurate job with this than the fanscan, even if he did try his best to take us out of the seriousness of the moment by throwing in that swiss cheese line lol. anyway so there are two things I want to talk about here. the first is the line about Izuku not remembering, which I thought was a nice touch. of course he doesn’t remember what Kacchan said back then. he wasn’t exactly in the soundest emotional state after seeing one of the people he cares about most taking a near-fatal blow that was meant for him. I’d be shocked if he remembers anything about the aftermath (including the way he flew into a mindless rage afterwards) right up until the point when he entered the OFA Interstellar Party Void with Tomura. anyway, so I thought that was a nice callback.

and speaking of emotional states, the other thing I wanted to talk about is the part that Caleb got right which the fan scanlation didn’t. “but I had more to say.” in other words, “stop trying to win on your own” wasn’t just a one-liner; it was meant to be the beginning of a much longer speech. “there were other things that I needed to say.”

like, can we just stop and talk about that for a second. because basically what this means is that in that instant, when Kacchan pushed Deku out of the way and got impaled, his one and only thought was that he needed to apologize to Deku. his life was presumably flashing before his eyes, he had no idea if he was going to survive or not, and the only thing on his mind was how urgently he needed to make things right with his former childhood friend.

moving on!

so I have a confession to make, which is that I am relieved to see Katsuki describing this as the reason why he bullied Deku, as opposed to Horikoshi trying to retcon it into some sort of “secretly he was just trying to protect him and keep him out of harm’s way because he was worried” thing, which ngl would not have gelled very well with me. the thing is that I’m really not a fan of the whole “Kacchan Did Nothing Wrong” mentality that some fans seem to have. like, I have seen all sorts of convoluted attempts to find excuses for Katsuki’s shitty behavior, but in my view those attempts undermine what I love about his character in the first place. Katsuki is such a great character specifically because he is not perfect. his redemption arc is so compelling because he was such a giant asshole at the start. he was completely at fault, and he acknowledges this, and takes full responsibility for it. and that is fucking fantastic.

his arc is so great because it doesn’t rely on garnering sympathy by giving him a Tragic Past, or by trying to foist the blame for his behavior over on someone else. it’s an arc that acknowledges that redemption isn’t something you achieve by making people feel sorry for you; it’s something you have to earn by actively working to change and do better. and by forgoing the “misunderstood/tragic past” route, Horikoshi is making a statement that anyone can go down the wrong path, but that more importantly, anyone can also choose at any time to turn away from said path. there is only one requirement for doing so, and that is realizing that you’ve done wrong, and deciding that you want to change.

anyway, so in chapter 284 Kacchan of course had that whole speech about Deku not taking himself into account, and mentioned how that made him want to keep his distance. and a good chunk of fandom took this to mean that Katsuki’s bullying was actually a misguided response to Deku’s reckless tendencies -- sort of an “if I show him how weak and powerless he really is, I can get him to accept the reality that he’s quirkless, and that being a hero will just get him hurt or killed” type of thing. and I won’t lie, for a good while I was wondering myself if Horikoshi was really going to go down that route. and like I said, I am honestly relieved that he didn’t. not only for the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, but also because the message that would have sent -- that there are certain circumstances in which bullying can almost be excused because the bully had Good Intentions and was just trying to save the other person from themselves, and so it Wasn’t That Bad, Actually -- is all kinds of fucked up to say the least. so yeah, I’m glad we ended up steering well clear of that.

(ETA: this post was long enough already so I edited out the 3 additional paragraphs I originally wrote analyzing the dialogue from 284. but just to be clear, I’m not trying to imply that Kacchan worrying about Deku’s recklessness is a retconned thing that Horikoshi only threw into the story recently, because there are multiple instances throughout the story where he clearly is worried and in total denial of it. but I firmly believe those feelings are not what led to the bullying. they’re two separate things. Kacchan worrying about Deku is what prompts him to yell at him in chapter 1 when Deku comes to save him. but it’s not what incited him to burn his notebook and taunt him earlier in that same chapter. that action had a much meaner and more selfish motivation behind it, and I’m glad Horikoshi didn’t try to change it up last minute, because it wouldn’t have felt right.)

thankfully as of this chapter I think we can safely cross that out as a possibility, as we’re given the true explanation straight from Katsuki himself. and the truth is that he bullied Deku out of insecurity and jealousy and fear and intolerance. there was nothing noble about it. there were no good intentions concealed in his actions. there are no justifications given, no excuses offered, and no mitigating circumstances to be considered, other than the fact (which neither he nor Horikoshi bring up) that he was and is still a child, and that children make mistakes.

it’s an explanation that challenges many of fandom’s ideas on who is and isn’t eligible to be redeemed. there is no Ozai in Katsuki’s backstory. there’s no great tragedy that he spent a lifetime trying to rise above. the only villain in Katsuki’s story is Katsuki himself. the only darkness that he has to overcome is his own. and it’s challenging, because I think many people believe the only way someone can be redeemed for doing bad things is if bad things happen to them in return. but what Horikoshi is saying here is that that’s not the case. bad doesn’t erase bad. and the one and only way to truly earn redemption is by doing good.

and that’s what makes this such a phenomenal scene for me. by not shying away from Katsuki’s flaws and failings, and having him take full responsibility for them, Horikoshi keeps the apology from being self-serving, and underscores the true depth of Katsuki’s character development. the level of self-awareness he has here is something most people can only dream of. which is very fitting, as that’s perhaps the most important takeaway from his character arc -- that it’s only by acknowledging your own weaknesses and flaws that you can learn to overcome them and reach your full potential.

one last thing to point out here, which is that in the panel where Katsuki finally acknowledges his terrible treatment of Deku, Deku is not even visible. instead, Horikoshi drew the panel from a perspective that makes it appear that Katsuki is addressing this particular line not just to Deku, but to all of his classmates.

again, he shows him taking full responsibility and admitting his wrongdoings in front of the people whose opinions and approval he cares about most. and just to clarify in case there’s any confusion from Caleb’s translation, Kacchan’s wording makes it very clear that he wasn’t just “mean” to Deku, but that he full-on bullied him (he uses the same verb -- “ijimeru” (苛める) -- that he did back in chapter 284). there’s no attempt to downplay his actions here.

moving on now, this chapter also reaffirmed another thing about Deku and Kacchan’s relationship which I was glad to see revisited -- Kacchan’s unwavering belief in Deku’s ability. this is one of those paradoxical things about their relationship which I’ve always been fascinated by, but which is also kind of hard to explain, because I don’t want it to come off like I’m trying to put a positive spin on something which was unequivocally awful. like, please don’t think I’m trying to say that Katsuki’s bullying of Deku was in any way a good thing. but that being said, there’s also a strange irony at play here, which is that Katsuki’s jealousy and insecurity also betray the fact that even at his very worst, he never once underestimated Deku. he has always believed in Deku’s strength, even when that strength pissed him off and made him afraid and uneasy.

no one else -- not All Might, or even Deku’s own mom -- believed from the get-go that Deku could become a hero. but Katsuki never once counted him out, even when he was calling him a pebble in his shoe. he confesses here that even though he “tried to act superior by rejecting [Deku]”, in truth he was never able to shake the feeling that Deku was above him. long before he ever understood the concept of “win to save”, he knew instinctively that there was a strength in Deku’s heart that couldn’t be measured, and which had the potential to surpass even his own strength. and I’ve always felt that this was so important, because it’s the one aspect of their early relationship that hinted that on some level, however subconscious, Katsuki held the same type of faith in Deku that Deku always held in him. it was one of the few things that hinted at there being a possible path towards reconciliation one day. and it paved the way for the most important shift in their relationship to date, when Katsuki finally realized who Deku got his quirk from, and responded not with resentment or spite, but with acceptance.

moving on, I also really love the way we see them portrayed at the different stages of their childhood throughout this speech, and how it perfectly lines up with the dialogue. from small children (when Katsuki talks about his insecurities first manifesting), to middle schoolers (when he talks about the bullying), to high schoolers (when he talks about the past year and everything he’s learned at U.A.). Horikoshi really didn’t have to go that hard, but he did, and that’s why we love him.

and then we finally get to That Part.

where do I even start with this there are so many things omg.

the bow. this is the one and only time Katsuki has ever bowed to anyone of his own volition as far as I recall. and this absolutely is a bow, just to be clear, even though his form is straight-up garbage (very Kacchan-esque, with his feet and arms spaced apart because he’s still a punk after all). this is Kacchan showing more humility and respect than he’s ever shown to anyone else in his entire life.

regarding “Izuku”, I actually have mixed feelings about this to tell the truth. I think it was a good call here because it was incredibly effective in setting the tone and showing just how serious Kacchan is. however if he continues to use “Izuku” rather than “Deku” from here on out, that would give the impression in hindsight that all his past usage of “Deku” really was meant as an insult, which would undermine some of my favorite scenes. I would really like to believe that since DvK2 or thereabouts, Kacchan has (mostly) been using “Deku (affectionate)” rather than “Deku (useless loser)”, lol. but if he switches to the “nicer” name on a permanent basis following his apology, it implies that the previous nickname was indeed being used cruelly. and so honestly I hope this was just a one-time thing, because I do think that in Katsuki’s mind, the name “Deku” hasn’t been meant as a slight to him for a long time now.

“my truth/this is what I truly feel” -- the word Katsuki uses in Japanese is honne (本音), and if you’re familiar with the concept of honne/tatemae, that’s the same “honne” he’s talking about here. it means that he’s casting aside all of his walls and facades and expressing what he truly feels. and of course, one of the fascinating things about Katsuki’s character is that he’s the exact opposite of most people in that he chooses to put his meanness on full display to the public, and ironically it’s the kindest parts of himself which he tends to keep the most carefully guarded and hidden away. this also means that while his rage and anger are very often insincere and put on just for show, those relatively few occasions where he lets his humanity truly shine through are pretty much 100% genuine, as is the case with this one here.

and Deku’s face says it all when it comes to how powerful those moments can be as a result.

and this, right here, is why it wasn’t enough for Katsuki to atone solely through his actions, and why he needed to actually say the words as well. it’s not that the words are more important; obviously the actions are far and away the most important part, and carry far more meaning. but the reason why Katsuki needed to say the words as well is simply because Izuku needed to hear them. needed to, and deserved to, because this is one of the most important people in the world to him.

and so he deserves to know that the relationship isn’t just one-sided, and that he is just as important to Kacchan as Kacchan is to him. he deserves to know that Kacchan understands how horribly he treated him, and that he’s sorry for it. and he deserves to know that Kacchan, without any expectation of it changing their relationship -- meaning that he will continue to feel this way regardless of what Izuku says or does from here on out -- cares about him. now more than ever, with AFO out there doing everything in his power to make Izuku feel as alone as possible, this is something that he really, really needed to hear.

so this part has some interesting wordplay which neither Caleb’s translation nor the fan scanlation was really able to get across. basically, in the Japanese version, when Katsuki talks about “those ideals”, Horikoshi uses the kanji for “ideal”, but pronounces it as “All Might.” obviously the meaning of this isn’t too hard to decipher, as we all know how much both boys admire All Might. to them, he absolutely is synonymous with the Ideal. so this is a way of showing that respect they both have towards him, even as Katsuki goes on to point out the one fatal flaw that All Might was never able to overcome.

and speaking of interesting wording, as others have noted, at this point in his speech Katsuki switches from “temee” (which he was using earlier during the “your strengths and my weaknesses” part) to “omae” (“omae” being a less insulting word for “you”, though still very manly and tough-sounding), which is definitely a big deal. though fwiw this is not the first time he’s used “omae” for Deku (he switches to it briefly right after DvK2, when he tells Deku “you had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you -- don’t lose”, and then later when they’re walking back to the dorms and he says he’ll learn and get stronger by watching everyone around him just like Deku did). it’s definitely a good choice on Horikoshi’s part though, as it makes this last part of the speech sound more earnest and sincere.

just a quick note, he does indeed use a plural pronoun here, as in “the obstacles that you can’t overcome, we will overcome.” but as @pikahlua​ pointed out, the “we” here is ambiguous -- it could either mean “we” as in class 1-A -- “we will overcome them for you” -- OR it could mean “we” as in all of them -- class 1-A and Deku. “we will overcome them together.” idk about you, but I know which one gets my vote.

anyway, and so this is the line that finally wins Deku over and allows him to let go of his fears, however briefly. what I love about this is Kacchan’s utter conviction. one thing that Caleb’s translation doesn’t quite get across is Kacchan’s use of the word morenaku -- “without exception” -- when he talks about how they’re going to save everyone and win. it echoes that same sentiment he showed back during the Joint Training arc -- that it’s not a perfect victory unless they save everyone. every last person. and he explicitly lists Deku among their number, just so there can be no doubt.

and Deku’s response to this (or at least his thoughts, since he’s not really able to get many words out) pretty much brings everything full circle here.

he acknowledges that everyone else has gotten ahead of him. which is especially meaningful given who he’s standing directly across from. because for most of the series, as we all well know, it’s been Kacchan who was woefully lagging behind Deku in the character growth department. but now Deku himself is acknowledging that not only has Kacchan finally caught up at last, but that he and the others have surpassed him. which is only temporary, I should add, as I have zero doubt that Deku will catch up again soon. but the fact remains that just as Deku’s rapid increase in strength and skill left Kacchan scrambling to keep up earlier in the series, Kacchan’s extraordinary character development has now left Deku in that same position. as All Might once put it, “when he’s starting at level one, and you’re already at level 50, it’s only natural that you’ll be growing at different rates.”

and what’s so wonderful about this though is that the two of them are finally approaching that point where they’ve both caught up to each other and are finally starting to level out. Deku is a full-on badass, and Kacchan is out here talk-no-jutsuing with the best of them. the two of them have been chasing and chasing after each other this entire time, and now they’re finally just about ready to meet in the middle at long last, with each of them fully embodying both of those two crucial aspects -- win, and save.

just about. because Deku still needs some help catching up. but seeing as help has already been offered -- and accepted -- I can’t imagine it will be very long now, and I can’t wait to see him finally overcoming those fears and doubts with his friends by his side. it’s going to be such a powerful moment.

and last but not least,

or, as I prefer,

you had one job, Caleb. flkjsdlk.

but at least this provides a good opportunity to note that unlike the “we’ll help you handle it” line earlier in the speech, here the phrasing is left up to interpretation, as he doesn’t use a pronoun. so it could be “we know”, or, as the fan scanlation put it, “I know.” or it could be both. regardless, it’s good stuff.

anyway, and so Deku passes out, and in the process Horikoshi gives us one last parting metaphor, just in case anyone still thinks Kacchan is all talk because they haven’t been paying attention for the past 322 chapters (more likely than you think). once again, Katsuki’s actions speak louder than his words (even his nice words) ever could: he is literally there to catch Deku when he falls.

so that’s it! my sincere thanks to anyone who actually read through all of my endless ramblings about this scene which I have been waiting for since day one. props to Horikoshi for taking on an impossibly difficult task, and pulling it off with all of the emotion and care and nuance that I’ve come to expect from his writing. imo he delivered on every single level with the exception of the aftermath, which I don’t consider to have actually happened yet. Deku’s part of this is definitely a “to be continued.” but yeah, as far as Kacchan’s part goes, 10/10. so fucking proud of this kid.

[the12thnightproject]

Cursed Bingo Wrap Up (Last Call)

Event Status – No “Bingo” achieved, so technically the event doesn’t end until that happens. Additional requests are welcome (I've got the event description permalinked on my blog), but please allow some time for me to write them (I’ve got some other projects that I need to get some work done on).

Total Word Count – Over 15,000 words

Longest story? What Dreams May Come (4200 words)

Shortest? Herd it Through the Grapevine (a story in tweets) (600 words)

Most difficult to write, and why? Tie between What Dreams May Come and Tables Turned. The first one because my initial draft started out sad and a little angsty, and rather than letting the story go where it wanted, I tried to push it into another direction, and ended up in the weeds. I had to dump a few thousand words, and go back to the initial thought. Tables Turned was difficult because of the particular combination of prompts (make it UST, without writing any action, description, or inner monologues!) was a challenge.

Easiest to write, and why? Herd It Through the Grapevine was the easiest and fastest to write. I just started with a weird concept (Keiji buys a bunch of goats) and just ‘yes-anded’ that thing until I got to a conclusion. That said, it was harder to figure out how to format that into authentic looking tweets (eventually I found a website that let me plug that stuff in, but it all still took me longer to format it than writing it). The A Dramatic Pawse and Silence of the Maids duology also was fairly easy to write in the sense that once I figured out a concept, the stories flowed relatively easily.

Favorite story? I love them all, but if I had to pick an absolute favorite, it would be A Simple Game, because I loved getting to throw Shingen and Mitsuhide together and have them try to outthink each other. Adding Motonari to it all made it even more fun. I adore these three characters when they are at their most sneaky and strategic. (Why, why, why doesn’t the game give us more Shingen & Mitsuhide scenes? ~sob~)

Smuttiest Story? Easy answer, The Bluff is the only one that has NSFW content.

Sexiest Story? Technically, it’s probably The Bluff, however the The Challenge, with Sasuke and Ieyasu facing each other in a spicy food challenge has a fairly high level of UST. As does Tables Turned (because that was in the prompt for that one).

Any combination that I was hoping to get, but didn’t? Not telling, as I’m leaving the game technically still open.

Most popular prompts: Kabedon and Blindfold were both picked twice.

Ikesen characters specifically requested: Mitsuhide (4), Masamune (3), Hideyoshi (2), Shingen (2), Keiji (2), one each for Nobunaga, Yoshimoto, Motonari, Mitsunari, Ieyasu, and Sasuke

What did I learn from all this? (1) Well, I probably made the event a little too complicated – if I do another one, I will go with a simpler prompt structure. (2) Finding the website that formatted tweet stories was a great resource that I imagine I might use another time. (3) Writing fics as a response to request is far far more stressful than writing fanfic or original fic for myself – I found myself often worrying if I was writing something the requestor would like.

The fics (in case anyone missed any…)

A Dramatic Pawse (Part 1) - Masamune; Prompt: “It’s only a flesh wound.”

When Shogetsu injures his paw, Masamune has to calm him down enough for Ieyasu to treat the wound.

Silence of the Maids (Dramatic Pawse Part 2) - Hideyoshi, Nobunaga, Mitsuhide; Prompts: “It’s behind me, isn’t it” and Kabedon.  

Chaos ensures when a dazed and confused tiger dashes through the castle.

Herd it Through the Grapevine (a story in Tweets)  (Keiji, Shingen, Yoshimoto); Prompts: “You Did What?” and Tweets

Keiji buys a herd of goats… then eventually must sell them to Yoshimoto.

A Simple Game (Motonari, Mitsuhide, Shingen); Prompts: I can explain” + Only one bed

Stranded at an Inn during a storm, Shingen, Mitsuhide, and Motonari attempt to out-game each other for the last bed. Or is there another game at play?

What Dreams May Come (Hideyoshi & Mitsunari) Regency AU; Prompts: English Regency/Napoleonic Wars AU, Blindfold

Hideyoshi must work through his feelings of guilt after Mitsunari suffers a battlefield injury in the process of saving his life.

The Challenge (Sasuke & Ieyasu); Prompt: Kabedon

Sasuke will do almost anything to get Ieyasu’s autograph and a keepsake. Ieyasu will do almost anything to avoid it.

The Bluff: A Choose Your Own Adventure Story (Mitsuhide/Mai, Masamune/Mai, Keiji/Mai); Prompts: Hurt/Comfort and Blindfold

Mai throws a party to make up for forgetting Keiji’s birthday… but the party games get a bit out of hand.

Tables Turned (Mitsuhide and Masamune); Prompts: Unresolved Sexual Tension; Q & A style

The interrogation of Mitsuhide… or… is it?

[bleachbleachbleach]

2022/2023 Fandom Goals!

At the end of last year I set out to accomplish what then appeared to be achievable fandom goals for 2022. 

WERE THEY, THOUGH. WERE THEY. 

Let’s see:

2022 Goals (Review)

1. be more shameless on Tumblr - I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten at least a little better about this, though I guess it depends on the day. Posting things on the Internet causes me anguish, and I consider doing so an intentional conditioning process. All the same, I would still like to feel less anguish. But I also don’t want to be actively annoying or boring and simply be *unanguished* about it, LOL, and therein lies my hangup.

2. stop damning reblogs to Draft Purgatory - I have been very good about this this year! Browser tabs purgatory, on the other hand…

3. prioritize accessible joy - This one was about not abandoning Tumblr for months at a time, and I feel like I’ve actually improved here and merely abandoning Tumblr for 1-2 weeks at a time. One thing that was way more helpful than it had any business being was making a special "mini dash" that just has blogs that primarily post original Bleach content and/or mutuals who are friends, so that if I get overwhelmed I can jump ship and use that dash for a while instead, and still get to see a lot of my favorite things. I say this like my normal dash isn’t mostly Bleach and like I follow a zillion active blogs. I do not. That’s why it’s ridiculous that my mini dash is as great for me as it is. XD 

4. finish reading the Soul Society arc - I am on… Chapter 68 LOL, and Ichigo has not yet so much as entered Soul Society. Making progress on this re-read is challenging because there are a lot of ways to enjoy Bleach and this reread is the only one that’s not a moving target—the manga’s not going anywhere; I’m not going to 'fall behind' if I don’t read it—and I have a regrettably limited amount of Bleach time. But I think I’ve become more confident in my reading/ability to search stackexchange and read about grammar, so I am still enjoying this!

5. write my fanfic - I wish I had done more of this, but this was a Year—a huge number of moving pieces IRL. I think last year I had written like… 10k of this fanfic? And now I have probably 20-30k, and most of that original 10k got scrapped. This fic has done a lot of shape-taking this year, which is very good. I had these grand plans of finishing two full chapters (Akon and Matsumoto 5) by the end of the year, which I have modified to finishing one chapter. I have *one scene left* but I think it’s probably in the Top 5 of Scenes in This Fic That I Already Know Are Going to be Hard to Write, and I’ve already written and deleted it once. There were so many bugs in the deleted version, so many bugs for absolutely no reason. I don’t know what the scene will ultimately look like, but I can assure you you’d never guess what scene used to Have Bugs, because there is so little reason there should have been bugs.

2023 Goals

1. Write my fanfic! For the sake of SMART goals, let’s say at least 1 line per day, every single day. Come March I will have been writing this for two years and WHAT do I have to show for it.

2. No more tabs purgatory! I don’t know how obvious B3’s posting habits are to others—but for my part of the equation, I tend to be That Person who reblogs 15 long textposts and adds 90 tags to everything, all the span of the same 2-hour block. I don’t think this is actually a good way of using Tumblr and I’d prefer to… not do that. XP And to find ways of being more with the flow of the dash. 

This is mostly me needing to carve out better interstitial space for fun time, because I want this for my own pleasure and I also because I want the OP to know how VERY EXCITED I AM TO SEE IT and tabs purgatory feels like the opposite of being able to do that. SMART goal? Uhhh don’t let tabs languish for more than a week?

3. Make space for fandom, and for fandom things that give me most joy. Again, this is part of a broader life assessment that in a better world would boil down to "working less" but in this world is not accessible if I want to continue being employed. So I’ll settle for being extremely intentional about how I spend my free time, and by consciously thinking about ways to create the kinds of interactions I most enjoy. That sounds very cerebral but I promise I just mean things like "that meme where I asked people to send in random stuff they loved about their Bleach faves was super fun I should do that again sometime" and "try to make friends" and "talk about fanfic with people” and “make progress on that bleach reread occasionally.”

4. Be more shameless on Tumblr. YEAH I have no strategies here, but I’m gonna keep this one on the list.

[blindingdutchy]

The filming scene In part 1 of pornstar!tom where he’s tied up and you take the blindfold off and his eyes are all blurry and unfocused go me thinking:

Imagine the video went viral and people started asking for more sub!tom so they get you to do it again but with more edging, so you’re sitting there, tom is tied up and gaged and you’ve been edging him for the past half hour but he’s not used to being the sub so he’s crying cuz he just wants to cum so bad and everyone thinks he’s just really good at acting but you know he’s crying for real. So when the scene is done you untie him and remove the gag, and the directors are telling you to come see how good it looks but you’re too busy making sure Tom is okay, and he’s so tired that he’s falling asleep on you😍🤤

i am such a submissive person this was genuinely difficult for me to write, but i think i got somewhere 😅possibly not even a request, but i was inspired and wanted to challenge myself

read switch here!

cry baby | t.holland

{pornstar!tom x pornstar!reader}

word count: 2,254

warnings: smut ofc

warnings: sub!tom, oral (m receiving), bondage, blindfold, spit play, edging/orgasm denial

You never thought you’d have ended up here again. But, your video with Tom had reached heights you’d never achieved before, and the fans were eating it up. They wanted more—and to your surprise, so did Tom.

Now, as he laid in much the same position he had in the original video, you were starting to understand why. He was flat on his back with all four limbs stretched out and fastened to the bedposts with thick black rope. His chest was heaving, his lips parted in fast paced pants as he watched you with intrigue—he knew what was to come.

“Are you ready, baby boy?” you cooed, stroking his cheek with your thumb. Tom’s eyes fluttered at the caress, brown irises blown wide with lust and desperation, and he whined airily. The black blindfold shielded you from his longing stares, and he lifted his head a little too eagerly so that you could slip the strap around his head.

Already he had suffered through the torture of your hands, his body flushed from agonizing minutes spent with your hands stroking his cock hard and fast just to rip his orgasm away from him. The sound of his pleas and cries still echoed in your ears, a familiar pang throbbing in your core as you remembered the way he sobbed your name on the third denial. For being such a dominant man, Tom was incredibly good at being submissive.

This time, though, you were skipping the gag. You wanted to hear all the little noises Tom could make, to hear all the words that spilled from his lips as he yearned so achingly for your touch. Trailing your fingers down his chest, you murmured, “What do you want, hm? Want my hands again?”

He shivered, a stuttered gasp escaping his mouth as you swirled your thumb around his nipple. The little bud hardened instantly, standing tall and stiff from the stimulation. “I—I want your mouth, Miss.” he whispered, and you smiled.

“You know what you have to do,” you tutted.

Tom’s lips were trembling as you crawled onto the bed, perching on your knees between his thighs, and he pleaded weakly, “P-please! I want your mouth, Miss, want it so bad.” His hips bucked wildly as your hands delicately caressed the skin of his inner thighs, and you admired the trail of goosebumps that erupted in their path. He was always so reactive, and it made your belly twist up in knots.

Seeing him there, entire body physically quivering for you to just do something, the world around you faded away. No longer did you care about the cameras trained upon you, and the faint sounds created by the crew vanished into white noise—it was just you and Tom. His legs were straining against the rope that tied them down, flexing and tensing as he tried his hardest to chase the hands that touched them.

Humming, your hands dragged up his thighs to rest on his hips. Thumbs dipping into the rippled lines of muscle that descended from his abdomen to his center, the length of his cock was reddened and leaking as it rested on his heaving stomach. Tom’s breathing picked up a notch as you teased the skin with a feather light touch, the area bare and smooth; he liked to keep things groomed for filming.

“Do you think you deserve my mouth, baby?”

Tom gasped when your hand closed around his length, stroking soft and slow pumps with almost no pressure at all. “Yes, I’ve been a good boy, Miss! I’ll—I’ll be so good for you!” he pleaded, voice hoarse, and you smirked at the way his head rolled around helplessly. “Please, Miss!”

Pulling at his length with more conviction, you relished in the strangled cry of relief he gave. “Don’t cum until I say so, understand?” you commanded, tone heavy with warning, and he nodded with a choked moan.

The sounds Tom made when your lips finally wrapped around his tip, lapping greedily at the pre-cum that was beaded on his slit, were purely animalistic. Carnal shouts of ecstasy and relief, his mouth hanging wide as he tugged relentlessly on his restraints. Each noise, each cry and plea for you to take him further, spurred you on. Your lips wrapped around him tighter, your cheeks hollowing as you sucked harder, and you flattened your tongue to take more of him.

Tears welled in your eyes when you pushed the tip of your nose into his pelvis, his length buried deep in your throat and choking you. “Oh, fuck!” he cried out, hips bucking wildly off the bed, and you gagged roughly around him. The noise of your wet, sloppy cough around his length paired with the sensation of your throat constricting had him trembling beneath you.

“Miss, ‘m gonna cum,” Tom panted. His voice was broken and cracked, his throat undoubtedly worn out from the guttural sounds that had ripped it apart. You hummed around him before pulling away with a grin, loving the way his hips chased after you sloppily. “I—why did you stop?” he groaned, lips puffing up in a tiny pout.

You tutted, swirling your thumb lazily around his tip and licking the vein that ran along his shaft. There was nothing more you wanted in that moment than to strip your costume off and slide into his lap, but the video didn’t call for that. This time around the focus was all on Tom, endless edging and denial for the panting man on the bed.

As his breathing finally slowed, the erratic rise and fall of his chest deepening with his steadier inhales and exhales, you dipped closer once more. Almost instantaneously he stiffened, cock twitching in your hand expectantly, and you smirked at how needy he was. Now, after all the times you and Tom had slept together, it made you feel good to finally be in control. It felt good to be the one delving out the excruciating push and pull, dangling him right at the precipice of ecstasy only to drag him away before he could fall.

So, maybe you were being a little vindictive when you sucked his weeping tip between your lips and curled your tongue around it just like you knew he loved. When Tom was in control he rarely gave you the chance to truly treat him well; most often he’d be holding your head and choking the life out of you as he thrust to his heart’s content. But now? Now you were setting the pace, calling the shots, and damn if you weren’t going to make him fucking cry.

Already he was whimpering pathetically, his breathing jagged and voice hoarse as he continually vocalized his need for you. His entire body was glistening with a light sheen of sweat and oil, the latter courtesy of Marlena the makeup artist, and he looked ethereal. He looked like a classical painting or sculpture, all artistically harsh edges colliding with soft flesh. The ridges of his muscle flexed and strained against his tender, slightly flushed skin, and it made your mouth water.

You pushed him to that cliff twice more, each time forcing more and more aggressive pleas from his pretty, pink lips. Tom was growing frustrated—angry, even—and the thought of it made you excited. His jaw was tensed and ticking with every grind of his teeth, and if you’d removed the blindfold you’d surely have been met with dark, swirling pools of rage in his eyes. If there was one thing he hated, it was to be teased.

Swirling your tongue around the broad, blazing red tip of his length, you giggled when a guttural cry burst straight from his chest. There it was, you were finally getting somewhere. His body was trembling all over, knees quaking and fingers quivering, and the sound of his desperation had finally reached its peak.

“Do you want to cum, baby boy?” you murmured, lips ghosting over the ridge beneath his tip eliciting a breathy whine, “Tell me how bad you want it.”

He jerked against the restraints, snarling madly. “I’ve been so good, Miss!” he choked out, “I’ve been a good boy, please, please, please, let me—oh!”

Your nose buried in the soft flesh of his pelvis, eyes watering and throat aching as he stretched your throat out. In the blurry edges of your vision you could just barely make out the way his hands stretched against their bonds, fingers straining and clawing through the air as he fought to grasp your head like he always did. You knew he wanted to move you, to thrust in and out of you at whatever pace he desired, but you had no intentions of moving.

How long could you stay like that? Face buried in his abdomen, eyes dripping tears, saliva trailing down your chin as you strained around him? You wanted to find out, and a part of you also longed to know if you could push him over the edge just like this. Not moving, just letting the erratic twitch of your throat as you gagged stimulate him.

In the end, you caved first. He was muttering unintelligibly, lips moving in a flurry of words you couldn’t make out that wavered in pitch dramatically. You wished to keep going, but the persistent ache in your jaw and lungs told you that you needed to stop. You needed air, and if you tried to push through it you’d either suffocate or instinctively clamp your jaw around the intrusion—that certainly wouldn’t have been good.

As you pulled off of him again, breathing heavily and wheezing slightly as you stretched your jaw, you wondered if he remembered this was the end. The script called for you to leave him begging, pleading his life to release only to be left unfulfilled. He was still whining to himself, and you could just barely make out the hoarse whisper, “I’ll fucking die if you don’t let me cum, please, Miss.”

You were still stroking him slowly with your hand as you sat up, your back aching slightly at the stretch. “Don’t be so dramatic,” you teased, and he growled under his breathe, “I don’t like your attitude right now, baby boy.”

He bared his teeth in a feral grimace, jaw tight and unwavering as he jerked against the ropes violently. “I want to cum!” he whined, voice cracking and slurred despite his demanding tone.

“Is that so?” you pouted, teasing the small slit of his tip playfully, “Well, it’s too bad I don’t really care what you want.”

With that, you got up and climbed off the bed as his length fell back onto his stomach with a dull smack. He hissed at the loss of contact and fought hard to chase after you, only to growl when he remained stuck. You admired the slick sheen that coated his body and the way his cock had gone a deeper shade of red, probably throbbing to the point of near agony from all of your edging.

“Cut!”

You swallowed down the swelling lump in your throat as you approached Tom timidly. The cameras were no longer rolling, his time playing the role of a submissive man over, and already you were shivering over what you’d certainly be facing later that night. What you hadn’t expected, though, was to find genuine tears streaming down his cheeks as you removed the blindfold.

The black garment was soaked with them, and you gaped at the red rim of his eyes and the inflamed ring around his nostrils. His brown eyes were unfocused and dazed as he looked at you, still watering as he blinked up at the sudden light, and your heart thudded pitifully against your ribcage. He was crying.

He was crying, and you didn’t know whether to feel guilty or scared. “Tommy?” you whispered, chewing on your lower lip as you stroked his sweaty curls from his face, “Are you okay?”

Tom’s head lulled into your touch, and he sniffled as he blinked up at you. “Yeah, ‘m good,” he croaked, “but you won’t be later.” His threat wasn’t all that intimidating as his eyes drooped, brown eyes clouded with exhaustion and lingering remnants of desperation. You brushed aside the feelings of nervous anticipation that stirred in the pit of your belly—that could wait.

All you cared about was untying Tom and maybe finishing what you’d started in your dressing room, though you were pretty sure he was too tired to go on. His eyelashes were fluttering as he fought to keep them open, and the sight was so heartwarmingly adorable that you couldn’t help but to coo at him. He pouted when you kissed his cheek, smacking his lips at you, “You missed, darling.” Rolling your eyes with a giggle, you pecked his lips and smiled at the pleased sigh that fanned your face.

All around you, you could hear the crew mumbling words of praise, all raving over Tom’s impeccable acting. “Damn, he should be in movies or something!” one man gaped, “(Y/N), come have a look!”

“Later,” you called back, “I’m busy.” Tom murmured sleepily, his head rolling deeper into the pillows, and you pondered to yourself how you were going to get him off the bed. A quiet snore perked your ears and you shook your head—for a man with so much stamina in the bedroom, he sure was beat from a little edging.

[nishisun]

tomorrow can wait.

(dorm buddies special chapter) (reposted)

summary: it’s the last day of your honeymoon so you and tsukishima took advantage of it.

warnings: thigh riding, edging, unprotected sex, riding, fingering, oral (female receiving), dacryphilia (?), clit spanking (like once), idk if i’m missing anything

dorm buddies masterlist

It had been a tedious day for you and tsukishima, you both tried to visit as many places in the foreign city before going back home tomorrow. it was your idea of course, tsukishima would rather stay at home and cuddle, but he couldn’t say no to you.

you’re finally back from the the touring, now inside your luxurious (and very well air-conditioned) hotel room. you both had just finished showering since it was pretty humid outside, now laying down comfortably on the king-sized bed with tsukishima scrolling through his phone and you laying on top of him.

let’s just say one thing lead to another.

now straddled on one of tsukishima’s thighs, rubbing yourself back and forth on him, all clothing discarded somewhere in the room. both of tsukishima’s hands were placed on each hip, controlling your movement, causing you to whine.

“look at you,” he breathed gently, “desperate to get off my thigh. you that needy?” he mutters, you barely registered anything he’d just said, you can’t even bother to ask because you were too focused on gaining your release. your face is heating up a lot, though. the way his voice rasp in your ear makes you even needier.

“c’mon y/n,” he whispers tenderly, mouth pressed against your ear, “i know you can give me a better answer. be a good girl and use your words.”

“hmm, yes, kei.” you gasp when he spanks your ass quickly and speeds up the movement of your hips. “hah! i’m close!”

he removed his hands from your hips, now leaning back with the support of his arms.

“why?” you nearly yell, you were so close to achieving your orgasm. why did he suddenly stop? “why’d you stop?”

he tilts his head to the side before getting up, causing you to stumble onto the floor. “lay down on your back.”

doing as he asks, or rather, demands, you lay on your back, legs spread perfectly where tsukishima can see your glistening pussy.

he wastes no time moving down your body, leaving a wet trail of kisses on your skin. he carefully wraps his arms around your thighs, placing a kiss on each one. he looks at you for a brief moment, kissing every place except for the place that needs to be kissed the most, causing your hips to buck every now and then.

he finally stops teasing a licks a long stripe along your pussy forcing your head to throw back.

“hah!”

tsukishima’s fingers make their way up to one of your breasts, gently grazing his fingertips on your nipple as his tongue massages your clit, gently sucking the tiny bud.

“kei, please.” you sob. tsukishima looks up at you with a smirk on his face as he observes you writhing against him.

“please what, baby? what do you want? hm?” he unlatches his tongue from your clit, replacing them with his fingers that gently ghost over your slit.

“fingers, please.”

“aw,” he coos, resting his head on one of your thighs “you’re so polite”

“only for you,” you whine.

“where do you want them? want my fingers inside you?” he’s obviously taking advantage of how submissive you’ve gotten. he only knows you get like this when you’re extremely fucked out.

“Hah! Yes please!” your legs are visibly shaking, there’s tears falling from your face and it solely makes tsukishima harder. seeing the way you squirm under his hold makes him want to fuck you until you beg him to stop. he continues rubbing his pointer finger against your slit, causing your hips to buck against his hand.

“no.” his hand lands harshly on your clit, making you loudly sob in response. “if you do that again, i’m leaving you like this.”

“i’m so sorry!”

“it’s okay, baby. i know it was on accident. here, let me kiss it better, okay?”

you nod, as he immediately sucks your clit, he can feel your legs tensing under him, trying your absolute hardest not to buck your hips into him. you just don’t want to upset him.

“you’re doing so good. taking it like a champ, right baby? such a good girl.”

“y-yeah.”

he places one hand in your hip as he slowly plunges one finger inside your hole. he doesn’t move it, admiring the way your pussy flutters around it. you whimper when he finally moves his finger, curling it up just the way you like it.

“you needed this, didn’t you? it’s been a while since i’ve gotten to play with your pretty pussy. i’ve missed it.”

“mmm,” you let out a moan, “‘s missed you too.”

tsukishima chuckles, he loves the way your words slur when you’re like this, you probably don’t even notice how fucked out you sound.

it doesn’t take long before he adds another finger, stretching you out while his tongue laps your clit.

“God, ’m so close.” your hands grip his hair as you grind against his tongue. his fingers pump into you at the same speed, more forcibly making you gasp for air.

“i’m c-cumming!” one hand flies to your face quickly to cover your mouth, preventing yourself from loudly squealing as you violently cum on his fingers.

he slowly withdraws his fingers from your cunt, unlatching his mouth from your clit.

he leans toward to kiss you, tasting yourself, when he slides his tongue into your mouth. you pull away shyly, facing the opposite direction.

“please, don’t tell me you're shy.”

“do you ever shut up?”

“you’re one to talk. i’m pretty sure the people walking by our room could hear you.”

he chuckles when you instantly cover your face.

“i’m not done with you.”

tsukishima pulls his boxers off, placing one hand on each side of your head, moaning when you feel his tip come in contact with your clit.

you’re overwhelmed by his senses, his flushed skin on yours, the way his hair is now rough due to all the tugging you were doing earlier, and the way he softly nibbles on your neck.

you begin grinding your hips absentmindedly with the slight friction you’re receiving, causing tsukishima’s hands to instantly fly on one of your hips to stop you.

“needy, huh? and so disobedient.” he scoffs, squinting at you before sitting up. “c’mon. come ride me.” he leans on the head of the bed, patting his leg gently. you quickly nod, crawling over to him. he places both hands on your sides smirking.

“what? can’t do it?” he challenges.

“fuck you.”

you slowly sink down on his cock, the both of you moaning in unison at the contact. you firmly place both of your hands on the side of his shoulders as he gives an experimental thrust, causing you to yelp.

“don’t do that!”

“sorry, baby. i can’t help myself when it comes to you.”

once you’ve gotten used to his size, you slowly move up and down his shaft causing him to groan in pleasure.

“fuck.”

hearing tsukishima moan gave you the confidence to pick up the pace, grinding your hips and moving up and down as tsukishima’s hand moved to toy with your clit. he’s grunting with every move you make and your head falls back while you continue to ride him.

“you’re doing great, baby.”

“shut up. i’m trying to concentrate.”

he moves his other hand off your ass and brings it back down harshly, cause your whole body to jerk foward.

“Haah!”

he smirks when you don’t attempt to pick yourself up, laying on his chest as both his hands land on your hips thrusting into you at a brutal pace.

“shit,” he drags, “look at that, baby.” you don’t look, your mind is entirely too hazy, your head continues to rest on his shoulder. at this point you’ve gone limp.

he looks down to where the both of you are connected, slowing down his movements so he can watch the ring of your milky white cum on his cock get bigger in size every time he takes a thrust. after one thrust, he’s seemed to discover your special spot that makes you clench around him dangerously tight.

“shit, relax baby.” he groans, you let out a pathetic moan in response. “you really are a pillow princess, huh? making me carry out all the work. all bark, but no bite.” his lips ghost along your ear, you’re too fucked out to even form a sentence, the sole thing coming from your lips is a whimper.

“kei, i’m gonna cum.”

“yeah? you’ve been a good girl. cum for me.”

so you do.

your orgasm triggers his, he cums hard and deep inside you, his dick pulsing inside you. you fall on top of him, unable to move any of your muscles. tsukishima is quick to wrap his arms around you, both of you panting messes.

“you did so good. i love you.”

“hmmm,” you hum, “love you more.”

— i put this on queue for 6:00pm and it posted at 2 something........... so i reposted

— if you get tagged again PLS FORGIVE ME🙏🙏 tumblr is acting up

— i was reading the last chapter of dorm buddies and then i realized i forgot abt yams😢

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[robininthelabyrinth]

Cultivated-to-Immortality post-canon where cultivation in modern day is mostly mysterious and many doubt it's real - and then WWX gets a cooking show...

“I’m going to murder him,” Jiang Cheng said blankly.

He wasn’t even angry or frustrated or any of the things he normally was when he said something like that. That would require actually reacting to -

What he just saw.

With his own eyes.

For real.

“You can’t do that,” Nie Huaisang said from where he was curled into a tiny little ball on their on-the-verge-of-breaking-down couch – modern things were really crap. The thing couldn’t be older than what, thirty or forty years, and it was already useless, and Nie Huaisang wasn’t helping matters by crying tears of laughter into the worn-out cushions like he was right now. “He’s immortal, remember? We’re all immortal.”

“Immortal in the sense that we won’t die of old age,” Jiang Cheng said. “I can still kill him.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I wouldn’t,” Jiang Cheng admitted. He was pretty sure they’d established that back in Wei Wuxian’s first life, forget his subsequent resurrection or when they all unexpectedly achieved immortality. “But I could definitely break his legs. He’d heal from that quick enough.”

“The day you break his legs will be the same day you do it to Jin Ling,” Nie Huaisang said wisely. “And I know you wouldn’t do that to our beloved junior squad.”

“You really need to stop calling them juniors, they’re all married with children and grandchildren a half-dozen times over already, and anyway stop getting away from the main point, which is this – this – this travesty.”

“It’s not a travesty,” Nie Huaisang said, pretending towards solemnity. Jiang Cheng didn’t know why he bothered, it wasn’t like they hadn’t spent centuries together by now on account of immortality being a little lonely and them not liking anyone else who’d reached immortality enough to want to spend that sort of time with them. “It’s a cooking show.”

“It can be a cooking show and a travesty! It’s a cooking show run by Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng growled. His stomach hurt just remembering the many times he’d been suckered into trying something because this time I’ve really got it down, I promise, you’ll like it! “Of course it’s a travesty. Did you see the set up he has going on? He has an entire wall of hot peppers!”

“Hmm, good point,” Nie Huaisang said. “You’re right. Something needs to be done about this.”

“I’m glad we agree.”

“I’ll send him some peppers from our garden,” Nie Huaisang decided. “I have that new varietal breed that we’ve been working on, extra hot; he’ll love it.”

“Don’t you dare send him the Zidian pepper without letting me try it first,” Jiang Cheng said pointedly. “It’s mine. He only gets leftovers once I’ve decided it’s complete. Anyway, are you telling me that you don’t think that this - this - this thing is a disgrace?”

They both looked at the screen, where the words ‘CHEF CULTIVATOR’ had appeared in large letters.

“I don’t know,” Nie Huaisang said thoughtfully. “I rather like the conceit of it – the mysterious food-obsessed Chairman kidnapping the heirs of the various cultivation clans...it’s all very historically accurate, at least?”

“One, Wen Ruohan wasn’t a Chairman, he was a tyrannical warlord who made all our lives absolutely miserable. Two, if that set is supposed to be the Nightless City, why is it so dark, and what’s with all the lava everywhere? I’m not even going to touch on the rock chair thing that no cultivator who values the state of their ass would ever sit on -”

“I don’t know about that,” Nie Huaisang said, looking down at their shitty couch with a exaggerated thoughtful look.

Jiang Cheng ignored him. He didn’t want to go couch-shopping again. It’d only been a few decades!

“And three,” he said, soldiering on, “I feel the need to point out that the cultivation clans were not named ‘Spicy’, ‘Barbecue’, ‘Vegetarian’, and ‘Expensive Fusion’.”

“But he’s got the coloring right and everything! And it’s really funny to see a chef outfit done up in that awful Jin gold color...”

Jiang Cheng put his head in his hands.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nie Huaisang said, completely unable to resist bursting out in occasional bouts of giggling. “This is exactly like the time the Wen sect forced all of us to attend their indoctrination camp. Exactly like! You’re just misremembering.”

“I’m pretty sure that I’d remember being forced to compete in some sort of absurd cooking competition with mystery ingredients.”

“Would’ve been nice if we had.” At Jiang Cheng’s incredulous expression, Nie Huaisang shrugged. “Better than listening to Wen Chao talk, no?”

“…well, yes,” Jiang Cheng admitted. “Still, the whole thing seems a bit much. Cultivation is now state-regulated - by which we mean mostly banned from public knowledge - and our sects are all shrouded in mystery...this does seem to lower the tone a bit.”

“Like you care about tone.”

Jiang Cheng, who’d declared that he’d stopped giving a fuck sometime around the eleventh century, had to concede that.

“How’d he get the whole thing approved by the government?” he asked instead. “I thought they censored anything to do with modern-day cultivation.”

“I don’t think they’re that concerned about him spilling actual cultivation secrets on his cooking show.”

Jiang Cheng huffed, not wanting to admit that Nie Huaisang had a point. At any rate, the commercials were over and the show was continuing; he had better things to do than listen to Nie Huaisang talk, like watch the television.

After a few moments, his face began to turn purple.

“Oh,” Nie Huaisang said, and buried his face back into the pillows. “Oh no. Oh no.”

“I cannot believe him,” Jiang Cheng said. “I can’t – he can’t –”

“Now, now,” Nie Huaisang said between laughter so hard that he was hiccupping. “Be nice. If Wei Wuxian is the despotic Chef Cultivator and - oh this is terrible - Grandmaster of Demonic Cooking, that is on the hunt for a chef worthy of being his successor by forcing teams to challenge his stable of in-house chefs, it only makes sense that the ‘challenger’ team would be protected by the – by the –”

Jiang Cheng closed his eyes. “Lightly-Braised Lord?”

“That!”

“I would say that I can’t believe Hanguang-jun agreed to this, except he hasn’t said ‘no’ to Wei Wuxian in centuries,” Jiang Cheng said bitterly. There was a reason he refused to live with them. “This is a disgrace.”

“Accurate, though!” Nie Huaisang said, grinning. “That’s a very mild flavor of cooking, very appropriate for Lan Wangji.”

“I think you mean tasteless.”

“I mean, Lan Wangji is that, too, at least when it comes to Wei-xiong”

Jiang Cheng couldn’t exactly say that that was wrong.

They continued watching.

“Oh no,” Nie Huaisang said a few moments later. “The Ghost Pepper General. Poor Wen Ning!”

“It doesn’t fit,” Jiang Cheng said with a sniff. “He has no flavor profile.”

Maybe he was getting more into this than he would be willing to admit.

...he wasn’t going to admit it out loud anyway.

Nie Huaisang sniggered. “I hope Wei-xiong isn’t the judge.”

Jiang Cheng stared at the screen. “I still can’t believe this is actually happening.”

“I love it,” Nie Huaisang said. He was now scrolling on his phone. “The internet agrees with me, apparently. It’s a hit!”

“It figures.”

Their phones gave a chime at the same time, indicating a message on their group chat.

“Huh,” Nie Huaisang said. “That was the notable Chef Cultivator himself.”

“Oh, I bet it was,” Jiang Cheng grumbled, making no move to reach for his own phone. “What does he want? To apologize?”

“No, to offer us walk-on roles in the event he gets renewed for a second season.”

“Absolutely not,” Jiang Cheng said at once. “I refuse to be known as the Sandwich Shengshou or whatever he comes up with.”

Nie Huaisang dissolved into giggles. “Oh no. He would, too!...I wonder what I’d be?”

Jiang Cheng huffed. “You’d be – the Saltshaker. Obviously.”

“Oh noooooooo…”

[mbti-notes]

Hi, mbti notes, I hope you had a good break. I’ve noticed I can be a bit passive. I’m not always aware of it but every once in a while it’ll become apparent. For example, at work, I’ll register something in my mind (the customer needs clarification, the trash bin is full) but what I DON’T register is that I should/could act on it. It is only when a coworker jumps in to solve it, OR say something about it, that I realize, “Oh. I guess I could’ve done something/said something, too.”

[con’t: It is a little frustrating when I realize they said something I was already thinking but I just kept it to myself. Like I was one step away from being a more proactive worker. Not sure where this stems from. Maybe my introversion, maybe also the fact that growing up, my parent took responsibility for nearly everything. They are the I-don’t-trust-anyone-else-to-do-this-right type and doesn’t-accept-help type. So around the house I didn’t cook and rarely did chores. When I suggested getting a job as a teen they said I should just focus on school instead. In retrospect I realize I should’ve gone for the job and done more chores but I think my Ni was in overdrive — I was way more focused on writing, TV shows, and movies instead. I didn’t know what being independence or taking responsibility meant. This has kind of become a bad thing in adulthood (early twenties). I have an INTJ family member that’s VERY tidy, so when I’m messy, they make a note of it. I’ve been trying to be more aware. When I register a mess, I tell myself, “Don’t just walk past it, clean it.” So I’ve gotten a lot better. But every once in a while I miss something. Like I registered a fruit was going bad in the fruit bowl but put off throwing it away until my tidy family member discovered that it had mold on it. And in my head I’m like, “I could’ve just thrown it out the moment I noticed it was going bad. Why didn’t I?” And I really don’t know. Is this typical for an INFJ (my type)? How do I practice acting on my instincts?]

Do you believe that it’s important to be independent? What are the benefits of independence and are they worth your attention and effort? Independence is a state of mind that is nurtured by taking full responsibility for yourself and everything you touch. It is not a state of mind that is achieved overnight, especially given your background of being robbed of opportunities to learn responsibility. To nurture an independent state of mind requires that you continually refuse the “default mode” of waiting for others to step in. For example: If you want to live in a clean environment, YOU make it happen by cleaning it up. If you want your life to be better, YOU make it happen by changing what doesn’t work. If you want to have better discipline, YOU make it happen by implementing a strategy. But, do you actually WANT these things? To make something happen, you have to care enough to take action. If you don’t really care, then it’s all too easy to handwave things away, isn’t it?

Lack of caring usually relates to poor Fe development in INFJs. Fe development is required for feeling a strong sense of connection to the world and a strong sense of responsibility for creating a positive environment for everyone, including yourself. Healthy Fe doms understand how people are affected by the environment and, thus, they take it upon themselves to actively create a positive and supportive environment. Service and contribution allow Fe doms to feel pride through making life better for people. When your social presence is weak and your social contribution is minimal to nothing, it leads you into feeling invisible and insignificant and, eventually, worthless - this is the end result of not developing Fe well.

If something doesn’t bother you, it may bother someone else, such as the rotting fruit that may even become a health hazard. Do you care about anyone else’s experience but your own? Be honest. If not, then perhaps you suffer a dual problem: 

Ni fail: You don’t care enough about yourself and the kind of person you aspire to be. INFJs express themselves through their ideals. If you have no ideals and don’t aspire to anything, then what reason do you have to change your passive behavior? 

Fe fail: You don’t care enough about the impact that your existence has in the world. If you are oblivious to the world around you, then how will you ever spot opportunities to show initiative and make things better?

You seem to have achieved a bit of progress since becoming aware of the problem. Just remember that changing your state of mind is a gradual process of increasing your awareness of the problem and acting to resolve it, so keep plugging away at it. It always helps to set some concrete goals and objectives, so that progress is quantifiable or measurable. Be creative in setting up challenges for yourself that allow you to observe your progress in action.

[shai-manahan]

43 and Alonzo pls? 💕

Well, apologies, but I think this has turned into something... I guess you'll see. I'll uh.... I'll make up for it next time. 😶 Oh, and this is from Alonzo's perspective 😌 (with a ruthless MC)

I really need to stop listening to the playlists I made for HM while writing prompts lmao.

Alonzo - 43. raising the other’s hand to their lips to kiss it softly.

There's a very disturbing trend tonight.

Alonzo ponders as they lean over the balcony, pulling their coat closer to them to keep the warmth that threatens to leave their body. There is anger in the city below them. Discontent smears the faces of the passers-by, and the ones that lurk around the corners aren't any better. Kids throwing rocks at parked cars, drunkards picking fights with every willing challenger, and somewhere among them, somewhere in that darkness, criminals hide amid. Watching. Waiting. Lynxes hiding in the grass thinking they ought to get what is theirs.

The anger isn't limited to them, though. Alonzo could feel it, too, within themself. Anger at the marshal. At the mayor. At the people they once trusted.

At themself, for what they plan to do when the end arrives.

"What do we do when this is all over?"

The question pulls them out of their reverie and they glance beside them only to notice that the notorious Ripper is already there, staring above with a laid-back posture, their gaze focused at the cloudy sky covering the stars. The gloom in their eyes seem to rival the darkness that swaths their surroundings tonight.

Above. Below.

It's a simple difference, one that people normally won't draw conclusions from. But Alonzo sees it anyway. How that difference matters. How it shows Alonzo more things than it should.

"What do you want to do when this is all over?" It's a very thin line they're crossing, Alonzo realizes, answering a question with a more complicated one.

"I don't know. What do I want to do? It's been ages since I thought about that." A dry chuckle escapes their lips. "Do I even deserve one?"

"Deserve what?"

It is then that Alonzo sees it again, the one thing they've been dreading. Ripper—as much as they hate calling them that at this point—offers them a cold, scornful smile as they face them. The sight sends a chill through Alonzo's nerves. It's an expression he'd expect from Roy, or from Morpheus, but not.... not from the person they love. Not from the person they want to be there beside them for the rest of their lives.

"A future."

Alonzo clears their throat. "You were just asking me earlier what to do when this is over, and now you're telling me you don't deserve it?"

"Achieving a goal and deserving that end are two different things." The smile falters. "I should have died three years ago."

"No."

"No?" They gently place a hand on Alonzo's cheek, caressing its surface like any lover would, but beneath those gestures are eyes that turn cold. Murderous. Coming along with them is a soft whisper, "Don't you want to kill me?"

"I don't."

A lie.

Or is it?

They had been thinking about it, ever since they'd first witnessed this terrifying change. Ever since their companion had embraced the name that was forced upon them. Using it as a weapon. No, more than a weapon. An identity.

A true killer.

Alonzo knows someone needs to stop them, bring them to justice when this is all over. Kill them.

And it has to be Alonzo that deals the final blow.

But can they do it? Can they really force justice on someone who had been denied one, over and over? After all they went through? After all they had to sacrifice?

"You're lying, aren't you?" Another smile. A genuine one. "I can see you're lying."

Alonzo lifts their hand to touch the one still resting on their cheek, carefully holding it within their own grip. It's a sad fate, to be so deeply in love with the person they're supposed to kill. To be so enamored with the memories they shared—all the laughter and bitterness alike. If they let this go, if they proceed with the plan that has been plaguing their mind, will there be another chance for something as grand as this?

Would they even want that?

"I've lost too much already," Alonzo finally says. "I don't want to lose more."

Lies. Lies. Lies.

How many times have they both done that? Lie to each other? Hurt each other?

Nevertheless, a newfound surprise frames their face, and Alonzo can feel the guilt gnawing their insides.

"I'm not going to lose you, too." Alonzo presses their companion's hand against their own lips and kisses it softly, hoping that the other won't notice the light trembling that ensues. "Not again."

Will that turn into a lie? Will it not?

Alonzo can only hope it will be the latter, but then another question surges through their mind.

Can they let go of the one single virtue they've held onto all these years just to make sure the one person they have feelings for gets to live?

Will it be worth it? One life in place of many?

They'd have to make a decision soon, but tonight... Tonight they simply want to get lost in this moment, however unwise it may be. To get lost in a familar embrace. In a blissful kiss. In a night that they shall make their own.

Let go of the guilt. Let go of the anger.

Maybe they can convince themself tonight that they both have the right to be happy. Together.

[gotnofucks]

Choose

Written for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor Halloween Challenge! This is my first time posting here, so be kind 😊

 Character pairing: dark!Steve x Reader

Summary: Steve realizes he can’t let you go when you’re stuck in a safe house with him.

Quote: I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched

Words: 4.1k

Warnings: Non-con (implied), non-con touching, blackmail, coercion, 18+ only. Please don’t read if you don’t like.

MASTERLIST

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

 The rain was falling in torrents and how you made your way through it you would never know. It was only September, but the rain made it much colder and you were so glad that you were in a car with heating on. Steve was driving almost blind and if it were someone else, you would be scared, but it was him and so you let yourself sink into the seat and relax.

 “Take my jacket, you look cold” He said as he shot your slightly shivering form a sharp look.

 You nod and reach behind to take his jacket and wrap it around your body. You do it without hesitation and with no question. Always so trusting and obedient, at least, when it came to him. You were small, in fact positively diminutive when it came to the super soldier sitting beside you and seemed to drown in his jacket. He smiled when he saw you, and you smile back at his cheeky look.

 “How long until we get to the safe house? I am hungry.” You asked, wiggling in your seat.

 “Not long. It’s right in the middle of this clearing. Maybe 10 more minutes”, He answered, reaching over to pat your knee in assurance.

 “You’ve been there before?”

 “Twice. Nat and I set it up just after we took down Shield and then later crashed here with Sam and Buck around 2 years ago. It’s safe and cozy.”

 You hum and played with your fingers. It was only going to be the two of you this time. It didn’t bother you all that much. You would rather it be him than anyone else. Well, maybe Tony, but after him you liked Steve the best. You were one of the younger avengers, having been recruited only two years ago by Clint Barton. You used to work for a covert government organization IMF where Clint was undercover for a few years and seeing your talent with a gun and a computer, he had once asked your help in one of his Avengers missions where you met Tony Stark who immediately took a liking to you and trained you under him.

 You worked as Tony’s tech girl, helping mostly with recon missions for a few months. Then Natasha started training you for field missions and low and behold, you were kicking ass with them for nearly 6 months now. You haven’t done very difficult missions yet, and not a single solo. Mostly you’re paired with Nat and Clint or, as this time, with Steve. Tony assured you he’ll let you do a solo soon, but always lamented that ever since you got outside, he missed his lab buddy.

 You loved these small missions with Steve. He was always patient with you and taught you the drills but didn’t hold back. He would let you take the lead at times and was always proud of even the smallest achievement. At first when you had met, you had been kind if intimidated of his aloofness, but it didn’t take long for you both to bond over cheesy 40s music and your mutual love for art.

 “Y/n, we’re here” Steve announced and got out of the car. You followed, grabbing your small bag and ran through the rain to the porch. It was like a getaway cabin and you were so glad you didn’t have to stay in some dingy hole. You wanted warmth, food, and a comfortable place to sleep.

 Steve shut the door behind you and took off his wet shoes, putting them upside down near the door. You take off his jacket and your shoes too, grateful to be away from the squelching soles.

 “There’s no fireplace” You observe with a pout, and Steve chuckled.

 “Y/n, it’s a safe house. The smoke would let people know someone is living here. We don’t want that now, do we?” He gave you an indulgent smile and walked through to the kitchen, starting to unpack the supplies and food.

 “But I am cold!” You whine, and for that moment Steve realized your age gap. He gestured for you to come to him while he put the water to boil and you slowly approached him with small steps. Once you are in front of him, he looked at your damp hair and clothes, thankful that his jacket had prevented you from getting too wet.

 “You cold, huh?” He asked, hooking a hang around your waist to pull you against his chest. You stumble and steady yourself with both hands against his massive shoulders, your head a couple inches below his shoulder.

 “Yeah” You moan, wrapping your arms around his body. “How the hell are you always warm, eh?”

 Steve chuckles again and continues to cook while hugging you with an arm around your body. This closeness isn’t new. He would never admit it, but Captain Steve Rogers is a serial cuddler and you are his favourite cuddle buddy. He would cuddle you on the couch during movie nights, he would cuddle you after returning from a tough mission and he would cuddle you when you get your period. Steve Rogers was your best friend, and you felt safe with him. But you didn’t know Steve Rogers wanted to be more than just your friend. He wanted you with him when he went to sleep and when he woke up, he wanted you when he cooked and when he took a shower. No, you had no idea that the National treasure of America was in love with you.

 It wasn’t like he was hiding his feelings. He just never came out and said them out loud. Steve often believed that actions spoke louder than words and so he tried to tell you his feelings by doing little somethings for you. He learnt to make your coffee exactly the way you liked, he watched the movies you liked and read the books you read. He learnt to cook vegetarian dishes since you despised any kind of meat. More than anything, he tried to get along with Tony. Tony was your protective big brother/father, and he loved you enough to scare off every man who ever looked at your way. You were the only one in the team to have rooms on the same floor as Tony and you both shared a kitchen. Steve knew that if he wanted you to himself, he needed to get on Tony’s good side. So, he bit his tongue when he wanted to snap and gave his go ahead to things he deeply disapproved of, just to have to build back the old trust. It worked out, since Steve was one of the only people who were allowed a mission with you.

 “Will there be hot water for a shower?” You asked, body being warmed by Steve. He looked down at your face, full of childish innocence and stripped off every hardness after a tired mission.

 “Maybe, but definitely not enough for both of us” Steve commented. The vegetable stew needed to simmer for a while, so he sat you both down on the worn couch in the living room, your head on his shoulder and his arm still around you. He had hoped you would pick up on his feelings, since having you this close did things to him. Your soft body fit so perfectly into his large one that he never wished to part from you. Maybe tonight would be that night.

 “I’ll call Tony and eat. You take that shower and save me some hot water if you can.” You said and took out your phone to let Tony know you were safe and would leave for compound in the morning as planned. Steve looked at you walk away, speaking softly to Tony and wished more than ever that the rain outside would turn into a storm just to prolong your stay. He didn’t get to have you alone a lot at the compound. There were always other people around, always Wanda wanting female company or Peter following you around asking how you impressed Tony. He liked it here in this little cabin, cooking a meal for you after a hard day of work.

 “Tony says to leave early tomorrow so we can reach home by lunch. He wants to take me to meet Stephen Strange” You say suddenly, breaking out Steve from his domestic fantasy.

 “Stephen Strange? Why?”, he asked, frowning.

 “Tony and him and doing some weird wizard-avenger collab in that Nepal place- what is it called, Kamartaj- for a few weeks”, you answer.

 “What’s that got to do with you?” Steve asked, slightly irritated and hands curing into fists.

 “He’s taking me along. Says he doesn’t want me away for so long. Also, this wiz, Dr. Strange, he’s apparently some kind of genius. Tony says I can learn a lot from him. But I think it’s just a ruse. I’m pretty sure they are dating, and he just wants me to meet him”, You say with a fond smile. Steve doesn’t smile or say anything.

 Weeks? You’d be gone for weeks? That too in another country without him. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like that at all.

 “You wanna go?” He asked in what he hoped was a normal voice. He wanted you to say no, wanted to see that hesitation in your eyes as you thing of being away from him for weeks, maybe months.

 “Sure, I think it would be fun. I wanna see the Himalayas and maybe I’ll visit India too. I’ve got a pen friend there who I’d love to meet.” Your reply was so nonchalant that for a moment Steve just stares, and then he is angry. Here was a perfect chance for you and him to spend time away from the overbearing presence of Tony Stark, but you would rather see snow covered mountains and meet a pen friend in India? He’d only thought you were being a little oblivious of his feelings, maybe deliberately trying not to acknowledge them as you wanted to take it slow. But it seems like you…it seems like you felt nothing beyond friendship for him at all. After all those months spent hugging and laughing together, and yet you would rather choose Tony over him. A rage settled over him and he needed to clench his jaw and curl his arm tight around the back of the couch to stop himself from grabbing you and…and doing things he had rather not do.

 “Take that shower. Leave your wet clothes outside, I’ll see what I can do with them” Steve said suddenly.

 “You sure you don’t want a shower too? We’ve got layers of grim from crawling through that tunnel.” You asked.

 Steve looked at you for a minute, eyes rowing over your small face. He took in the little acne scars you were so self-conscious about, your slightly chapped lips and those beautiful eyes that reared him in. He nodded.

 “Yeah, you go on. I’ll see if I need one” He said and went to the kitchen while you left for the bedroom with the connected bathroom.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 The bathroom was nicer than you had hoped, probably Nat’s doing if the products where anything to go by. You’d removed your wet clothes outside and stood naked under the stream of warm water, sighing with relief. It was a small mission but brutal on your body. It would have been heaven to have a tub in here, but safe houses were meant to be quick and effective, and this one was way better than others, so you didn’t complain. You were just going to wash your hair when the bathroom door opened, and Steve entered.

 “Steve!” You shouted, hands covering your breast and turning so your back was to him. You looked at him with wide eyes, expecting him to sputter and leave but he stayed, eyes lingering on your ass a bit before meeting your eyes.

 “Got any of that hot water left or have you finished all of it?” He asked, taking off his t-shirt and leaving his chest bare.

 Your mouth opened in surprise as your backed yourself into the corner, trying to make sense of what was happening. Your best friend had just barged into your bathroom while you were showering and showed no signs of leaving.

 “W-what are you doing, Steve?” You asked in a small voice, still covering yourself with your hands the best you could.

 “Taking a shower. I told you we didn’t have enough water for two, so I thought I’d join you. You were right anyway, we are grimy.” He said and fumbling a bit, dropped his pants down too. You panicked, not understanding what was happening as Steve stood in his boxers, taking steps towards you.

 “No. No no no no” You almost chanted that as a mantra, eyes going here and there, not knowing what to do. Steve reached your small body crowded into the corner and slowly, very slowly raised a hand to wipe away the dirty on your cheek. You started at his touch and quickly sidestepped, running towards the door. You didn’t know what had gotten into Steve, but you needed to get out of here. Now.

 You’d taken only two steps before a hand wrapped around your waist and brought you back screeching to a hard chest, back against front.

 “Stop. Steve, let me go. Please.” You said, your tears mingling with the water on your skin, one hand across your chest and other on his wrist trying to pry it off.

 “No sweetheart, you need to take this shower. You’re dirty and tired. Come.” You hated his voice for being soft and soothing still, showing no indication of what he was doing to you. His voice was still your Stevie’s voice, calm, cool, a little commanding and full of affection for you.

 “I- Steve, I don’t want a shower. Not like this, please.” You tried to break away, wiggling and crying but Steve didn’t listen and dragged you back and turned on the water again. You both were bombarded with hot water and stood under it for a minute before Steve turned it off again.

 “Gimme that shampoo, I’ll do your hair.” He said, releasing you from his hold. But it wasn’t any good as you were blocked by the wall on your back and Steve at your front. You hadn’t turned around yet, but now you did. Sobbing, with thighs squeezed tight to hide you down there and hands inefficiently covering your breasts, you looked at him with betrayed eyes. You didn’t try running again. You knew his strength; you have trained with him. He could take you down in seconds.

 “Why are you doing this? What is happening?” Your voice was small and broken, sending a pang through Steve’s heart. He loved you and didn’t want to hurt you, but you needed to see his feelings for you. He couldn’t risk you going away for months. He just couldn’t. His eyes slowly moved down from your face, taking in every inch of your body exposed, not touching, only looking.

 “We’re taking a shower after which we will eat our food while we watch some stupid movie on that laptop of yours. Then, we’ll cuddle and sleep with you on my chest and tomorrow morning you will call Tony and tell him you won’t join him for his trip to Nepal.”

 He was mad. He was insane, you were sure of it. Face burning with humiliation under his gaze, fire began sparking in your eyes. How dare this tall buff blond muffin think it okay to invade your space and demand such things from you? Just who the fuck did he think he was.

 “No. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but you need to stop. Get out, or if you want to shower, let me go out. I’m done with whatever game you are playing.” You sneered at him. Steve had to smile at this, his little spitfire. He didn’t really expect you to give in easily, that’s not the girl he knew and trained. You were with the avengers because you could handle stuff others would wet themselves with. You were strong and he knew that. But he was stronger.

 “What’s gotten into me?” He asked, closing the distance between you so you were against the wall and caged by his arms on either side. His face was inches away and your breathing sped up. He looked cruel and menacing, the blue eyes you loved so much taking on a much darker hue. “You have gotten in me. You got under my skin and in my thoughts and in my heart. Now I want you under me.”

 He bent down and you were sure he was going to force a kiss on your mouth but he surprised you by pressing his lips softly on your forehead like he did when you had nightmares or right before a mission. It was a kiss of reassurance and love, and somehow, that just scared you more. Whatever Steve thought he was doing, he believed it was driven by love. And when Steve loved someone, he loved them without abandon. If he went against everyone to save his friend, what would he do to have you?

 “Steve…please…” You didn’t know what to say or what to do. You wanted to get away from him and cover yourself up to get some control back. You wanted to talk to him and forget this ever happened and get back your best friend.

 “You have two options. First, we both take a bath right now. I won’t touch you where you don’t want me to, we eat, and sleep and you go back with me to the compound like a good girl and tell everyone we are together. Or..” His eyes narrowed here, “Or, I could take you right here, right now and make you mine with little option. I could rail you deep and hard so you will feel me deep inside you for days on end. I know you’re not on birth control and I have no condoms with me, so if you get pregnant, you best believe I’ll have you tied down to myself with a ring on that finger by the end of the month. The choice is yours.”

 Your heart sank. You looked into his eyes, your whole body shaking and knees ready to give up. He was serious! He was absolutely serious, and you had no idea what the fuck happened. Just an hour ago you were sure he was the person who made you feel the safest, but now that sanctuary had been torn apart and some possessive stranger had taken its place.

 “You’re insane. You’ve lost it!” You cry, sliding down the wall as your knees collapsed, folding your knees to hide your nakedness. Steve followed you down and wrapped his arms around your small form.

 “I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched. You own me, my heart and soul. And soon, I’ll have you too. How that happens is your choice. Choose.” His tone bore no argument. You had just one card to play.

 “Tony would never stand for it. He’ll find out, I’ll tell him and then you’ll be done.” You made your tone harsh and full of venom. You don’t know what you expected him to do, but it definitely wasn’t laugh. It was an amused chuckle, like a daddy who was indulging his silly daughter, full of patronizing hilarity.

 “Sweetheart, you don’t think I have a plan for that? Even if I spend months bringing you flowers and singing love ballads from your window, he wouldn’t exactly be convinced. He isn’t exactly fond of me, is he? I had a plan in place for months. I didn’t want to have to use it honestly, I wanted you to come to me of your own violation. But I just thought as a back up plan…” You screamed as he suddenly scooped you up in his arms, still wet and naked and carried you out to the bedroom. He deposited you on the bed and gave you a towel that you hastily covered yourself with. You looked behind you and the door was locked. It wasn’t any use anyway; he could outrun you in his sleep.

 Steve got his phone out and showed you the screen, making your heart drop. There were numerous pictures of you with your family and friends from the past two years. Not just those, pictures of you with your previous team, the IMF, Ethan Hunt, and others. How Steve got these pictures you didn’t know, but it scared you.

 “Everyone, every single person in these pictures has a target on their backs. I have had a sniper after all of them for over a year, mostly just to keep an eye on you and to make sure you are safe. But don’t think for one second that I will hesitate to take them out. There is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do to keep you with me.” He sat beside you on the bed and putting a finger under your chin turned your face towards him. “It doesn’t need to be nasty, sweetheart. I don’t want to be the bad guy. I have never been one and you can keep me from doing anything drastic. All you need to do is convince Tony that you are the one who wants me. You are the only person he actually trusts, so you need to make it believable. He has denied you nothing, and if you come to him yourself and tell him you want me…well…no one has to die, do they.”

 This was a nightmare. Everything that has happened to you today is a nightmare. You didn’t want to believe Steve would hurt anyone, but then you didn’t think him capable of forcing him on you either. If there was even the tiniest bit of chance that he could harm anyone of your friends and family…no. You couldn’t let that happen.

 “Option one”, You whispered softly, eyes downcast and lips trembling.

 “What was that?” Steve asked, turning your face up again so he could look in your eyes.

 “I choose option one. We- We eat and sleep and I call Tony I won’t go with him. Then we can tell everyone we are together.”

 Steve grinned, his happy grin that everyone said only you brought out in him. It unnerved you that a man you loved and respected so much was doing this.

 “My good girl” He praised, and then he leaned down and pressed his mouth on yours. The kiss was gentle and soft, his mouth lazily moving against yours. If it were happening any other way, you would have enjoyed it. He broke away and looked at you with eyes that sparkled. “You’ll love me too, one day. I am yours, and you are mine.”

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 True to his word, you guys ate your dinner and watched a movie as you cuddled like you usually did at movie nights. Steve held you close, sometimes brushing his nose against the side of your neck or rubbing his hand along your sides. Afterwards, he laid down beside you, spooning your small body and holding it snug against his. He was warm, and you didn’t have anymore fight in you for today. The day was too fast and weird for you to process. You vowed to sleep now and to think of a way to get to Tony without arousing Steve’s suspicion. You weren’t ready to give up now.

 You’d been asleep for only a couple hours before you felt cold air around your body. You woke up with a start and found yourself on your back, your t-shirt removed and Steve hovering over you, placing open mouth kisses along your bare chest.

 “Steve! Steve stop!” You screamed, pushing against his chest. He looked at you with eyes blown wide with lust and taking your hands in one of his, he held them up while he tweaked your nipple with his other making you squirm. He bent down and swallowed your protests with a deep kiss, his tongue forcing its way inside your mouth and tasting you while he moaned.

“Steve please,” You were sobbing now, and trashing your legs which he held down with a strong thigh. “You…you promised. You said I get to choose. I chose option one”

 Steve looked at you for a moment then kissed your cheek softly. Moving his hand between your thighs he murmured in your ear, “I’ve changed my mind. I can’t wait anymore”