#once i knew what the deal was
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More information about the house and Eduardo Catalano can be found...
Here
Here
And here
For a brief stint in the 1950s, Raleigh had as many (or more) Modernist houses as Chicago thanks to the North Carolina State University's School of Design. Eduardo Catalano was one of the architects connected to NCSU and this is the amazing hyperbolic paraboloid roof he designed for his family house--a design which even earned the praise of Frank Lloyd Wright.
Unfortunately, this house fell into disrepair and has since been torn down and McMansions have overgrown the old site of this house. (That's the fate of a lot of these really interesting Modernist buildings around here.)
Eduardo Catalano. Casa Catalano Raleigh. 1954
#raleigh#oh hey#i know about this#not to brag or anything#but a couple of my undergrad teachers#lived in some of the modernist houses#it was pretty cool#once i knew what the deal was
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headcanon: the boring perfect self control vampire bella thinks she has is a LIE and at one point she caught human scent mid-hunt and snapped. it made her so wild she had to be restrained to the point where things got ugly
i know edward would never dare to do it and meyer would never dare write it and in canon newborn vamp bella would be far stronger than him...
actually. you know who would be stronger than one young vampire? two old vampires. and who would act practical in a critical situation? emmett
imagine edward and bella heading out for a hunt and emmett being like "do you guys mind if i tag along? i feel like snacking". bella's a little mad at the prospect of suddenly having a third wheel (homegirl wasn't planning on just. hunting) but alice gets a weird hunch and goes "no, no, em should go with you" ok nostradamus. he's going.
fast forward they're in the mountain. bella finds having emmett third-wheeling is not half bad. in emmett's head, lowkey it's bella who's the third wheel after so many decades of him hunting together with edward. but nevertheless, it's so fun with her around. all is good until they catch the scent of an entire group of friends hiking just a couple of miles from here, away from all civilization. emmett and edward stop in their tracks, ready to turn around. bella, her guard down, loses it and stars running towards the group, so they have no choice but to charge at her. while strugging to keep her in place, they try to talk her down but she doesn't listen. she doesn't care, she's strong enough to fight them off, and she fights and claws and hisses and breaks bones of whoever gets in her way because there are so many pulses just a few minutes' run away from her and their scent is so sweet and burning and calling, calling, calling to her
while struggling to restrain her, emmett grunts "we have to disarm her". edward catches the image in his head and shouts "no! you can't literally disarm bella!". well, how the hell do you expect us to stop her from massacring all those hikers? we'll just put her back together afterwards. duh!, emmett thinks, and knows he has to act fast so he goes in while bella's busy yanking away from edward's grip and tears off a limb. or two. all 3 of them may or may not be screaming.
a few moments later edward's pinning bella to the ground, holding her face between his palms, forcing her to look at him. her thrashing is not so effective with limited body parts. part of him wants to yell at emmett but that's kind of low priority. he's holding on to the last of his composure while he looks down at bella's feral expression and chants 'baby. i'm so sorry but i'll give you your leg back after you calm down a bit. i won't be able to outrun you if you go chasing after those people now. please calm down. i love you. hold your breath'
just then she listens, stops breathing and her vision refocuses. for the first time she realizes she was on her way to slaughter a bunch of strangers and she broke the arm of the man she loves at least three times when he tried to stop her. she wants to open her mouth and apologize but that will require her to breathe and possibly go crazy with thirst again. so she stares back at edward's panicked eyes and nods at him, her own red eyes just as full of terror.
then she looks over his shoulder and sees emmett waving her severed leg in the air like it's a baseball bat. "hey, did you know that rose wears the same shoe size?"
#this has been brewing in my head since i reblogged that first hunt bella fanart last week#i meannn... wasn't that exactly what bella was scared of becoming once she was a newborn?#twilight#bella swan#edward cullen#emmett cullen#breaking dawn#gore tw ?#also imagine them coming back home and emmett rushing to tell everyone what happened like it's the funniest story ever lol#alice already knows but she's like 300% chill because she already knew nothing too critical would happen because em was there#jasper's patting bella on the back congratulating her for it being her first time having limbs torn off and later reattached#(while in the background eb are probably just so stressed that eventually carlisle has to sit them down and therapize them)#(during that session jasper has to sit between them holding their hands sending chill vibes kgjhjf)#ok sorry i'm sorry i'll stop now#twilight renaissance#also. ALSO the image of two 6+ ft tall guys being unable to deal with a short ass 5'4" girl. i dig this
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Soap & Gaz : =(
Ghost : What's going on with you two?
Gaz : Old people flirting =( it's like my divorced dad flirting with his new girlfriend in front of me all over again
Ghost : What happened?
Gaz : Well he and my mom got a divorce, which was for the best honestly, and then he got himself a girlfriend that was closer in age to me than him and -
Ghost : I don't give a shit about your parents Garrick, what happened right now.
Gaz : Oh =(
Soap : Nikolai was teaching us insults in russian, and Price told him he had a dirty mouth and Nik just smiled at him, y'know, like a smirk, and Price smiled back, ewwww
Ghost : Wait, you think Price flirting with his... friend is gross because they're old? You do know I'm not that much younger than Price, right?
Soap : Yeah, but you're not flirting with anyone, so it's okay =)
Ghost :
Gaz :
Soap : =) ?
Gaz : I can't believe you just said that. With your full chest too...
#cod mw2#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#captain john price#i just found out that price's name is jonathan?? i thought it was a joke not canon lmao#cod nikolai#ghostsoap#soapghost#does pricexnikolai have a name?#based on a thirty seconds search through tumblr it appears to be nikprice#and i was so happy that for once i shipped a main ship and not a rare ship lmao rip me#the dilfs got me#anyway i was realising that price is also fucking massive like next to ghost it doesn't show or even gaz who's pretty tall as well#but next to other people wow he's tall#soap isn't as tall but what he doesn't have in height he has in shoulders so it's not that obvious that he's smol#anyway#soap instantly notices people flirting with other people like he'd met ale and rudy for five minutes and already knew#that doesn't apply to himself tho because he doesn't think anyone could love him and thinks they just want sex#and he ignores it coming from ghost because he couldn't deal with just sex from him so he'd rather not see anything at all =)#and gaz is tired of him and ghost thinks soap knows and is rejecting him and gaz is tired of him too#and now he's also tired of price because how dare he flirt in front of his salad like that
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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Someone totaled my car today and I do not like being in insurance limbo
#i did all the stuff i was supposed to but im gonna call my insurance again tonorrow just to double check#i had a green light and someone left turned into me like super late#like idk how they thought they could make that turn#but my airbags all went off and my hood was a mess so i think my car is fully toast#siiiigh#:(#i dont want to have to buy a new car......#i just moved out too so dealing with this + rent + living expenses is not ideal#i wish ppl knew how to fucking drive and i still had my car.#im trying to be zen and cool about this and just go well getting mad wont solve the problem but like#if people paid attention while they were driving then i wouldnt be out a car having to use a sick day tomorrow#and i wouldnt have to probably spend more than what i get from insurance on whatever my new car will cost#and i wouldnt be having to deal with insurance and getting rides places and hopefully getting a rental car#so maybe i can be a little mad for a while and get upset for myself for once#i just roll over and accept everything all the time and while intentional apathy has gotten me this far#maybe i shouldnt cling to it forever
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I need a therapist who I can argue with and who will give me jewish advice ....a rabbi. I need a rabbi
#afakelj#seriously though#i thought my last therapist was good!#and then i tried to change some stuff and do some arguing#and the reaction was... mrrrgh#also idk. i feel like.... i don't want to have to update the therapist about what is happening in my life#which is stupid! of course i should they've got many patients#but i feel like what i just sit there talking about my week? i do that to my friends already#i'd like a situation where they knew me enough to already have a general idea of what was going on#so i could meet with them less frequently. say once a month#and then we could work on a specific problem i'm having and i could get advice on that and see how that's working out#i really think of therapy as brain and emotions doctor and where i'm at now i want...more jewish methods of dealing with life?#does this make any sense#.....a bubbe would also work in a different but similar way. i need one of them too T.T#but you see i pay the rabbi by dues to the synagogue. so i just have to find a synagogue i like (lmao just)#i have to marry someone and start raising grandchildren to pay the bubbe
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Also I started listening to the recording of tmbptmbg today and at the end of the second hour they were talking about how there are people requesting from all over the world because someone requested from the Philippines and then one of the hosts said about the requests that "There was one from Poland. From Ray"... ME MENTION!!!!!!! HOLY SMOKES!!!!!!!
#actually the one big reason why i'm making such a big deal out of this is that i requested where your eyes don't go#and i also said in my text requesting it that i'm doing so in hopes that they play it during the show i'm going to in two days#i actually did NOT think they would play it though. they were playing it in the us and australia but not in the uk as far as i knew#i did not know yet that it would return as an encore during the show on the next day so a day before mine#AND THEN THEY PLAYED IT AGAIN. DURING MY SHOW#and wait i did not mention yet that i had high hopes for finding some tmbg vinyl / cds here especially flood#because i figured that out of all the places outside of the us where i could have even a sliver of a chance to do that#it would have to be in the uk. because that's the place where birdhouse in your soul and flood were once so popular. right#and what do i find in one shop i pass by randomly the day after the show?? FUCKING. FLOOD. . ON VINYL#maybe some sort of greater benevolent force does exist and decided to grant all my wishes this time#like this is actually crazy to actually to think about. how on earth.#if thats not fate then i dont know what it is <- doesn't actually believe in fate. or didn't until this point at least /hj#i'm the world's unluckiest girl until i suddenly get so lucky that i don't know what to make of that cause it's like. what#but ok more of all that madness is to be properly analysed soon of course#goosepost
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Rowaelin Chapter 41 Kingdom of Ash:
She'd rebuild it—what she had been.
Perhaps one last time, perhaps only for a little while, but she'd do it. If only for Terrasen.
Rowan swooped from the mast, shifting as he reached her side at the rail. He surveyed the night-black sea beyond them. "You should rest." She slid him a glance. "I'm not tired." Not a lie, not in some regards. "Want to spar?" He frowned. "Training can start tomorrow."
"Or tonight." She held his piercing stare, matched his dominance with her own.
"It can wait a few hours, Aelin."
"Every day counts." Against Erawan, even a day of training would count.
Rowan's jaw tightened. "True," he said at last. "But it can still wait. There are ... there are things we need to discuss." The silent words rose in his animal-bright eyes. About you and me.
Her mouth went dry. But Aelin nodded In silence, they strode into their spacious quarters, its only decoration the wall of windows that overlooked the churning sea behind them. A far cry from a queen's chamber, or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin.
At least the bed built into the wall looked clean enough, the sheets crisp and stainless. But Aelin headed for the oak desk anchored to the floor, and leaned against it while Rowan shut the door.
In the dim lantern light, they stared at each other.
She'd endured Maeve and Cairn; she'd endured Endovier and countless other horrors and losses. She could have this conversation with him. The first step toward rebuilding herself.
Aelin knew Rowan could hear her thundering heart as the space between them went taut. She swallowed once. "Elide and Lorcan told you... told you everything that was said on that beach."
A curt nod, wariness flooding his eyes. "Everything that Maeve said." Another nod.
She braced herself. "That I'm-we're mates."
Understanding and something like relief replaced that wariness. "Yes."
"I'm your mate," she said, needing to voice it. "And you are mine."
Rowan crossed the room, but halted a few feet from the desk on which she leaned. "What of it, Aelin?" His question was low, rough.
"Don't you..." She scrubbed at her face. "You know what she did to you, to ..." She couldn't say her name. Lyria. "Because of it."
"I do know."
"And?"
"And what do you wish me to say?"
She pushed off the desk. "I wish you to tell me how you feel about it. If…"
"If what?"
"If you wish it wasn't so."
His brows narrowed. "Why would I ever wish that?"
She shook her head, unable to answer, and stared over her shoulder toward the sea.
It seemed like he would close the distance between them, but he remained where he was.
"Aelin." His voice turned hoarse. "Aelin."
She looked at him then, at the pain in his words.
"Do you know what I wish?" He exposed his palms, one tattooed, the other unmarked. "I wish that you had told me. When you realized it. I wish you had told me then."
She swallowed against the ache in her throat. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"Why would it ever hurt me to know the truth that was already in my heart? The truth I hoped for?"
"I didn't understand it. I didn't understand how it was possible. I thought maybe ... maybe you might be able to have two mates within a lifetime, but even then, I just ….." She blew out a breath. "I didn't want you to be distressed." His eyes softened. "Do I regret that Lyria was dragged into this, that the cost of Maeve's game was her life, and the life of the child we might have had? Yes. I regret that, and I wish it had never happened." He would bear the tattoo to remember it for the rest of his days. "But none of that was your fault. I will always carry some of the burden of it, always know I chose to leave her for war and glory, and that I played right into Maeve's hands."
"Maeve wanted to ensnare you to get to me, though."
"Then it is her choice, not yours."
Aelin ran a hand over the worn wood of the desk. "In those illusions she spun for me, she showed me variations on one more than all the others." The words were strained, but she forced them out. Forced herself to look at him. "She spun me one dreamscape that felt so real I could smell the wind off the Staghorns."
"What did she show you?" A breathless question.
Aelin had to swallow before she could answer. "She showed me what might have been—if there had been no Erawan, if Elena had dealt with him properly and banished him. If there had been no Lyria, none of that pain or despair you endured. She showed me Terrasen as it would have been today, with my father as king, and my childhood happy, and..." Her lips wobbled. "When I turned twenty, you came with a delegation of Fae to Terrasen, to make amends for the rift between my mother and Maeve. And you and I took one look at each other in my father's throne room, and we knew."
She didn't fight the stinging in her eyes. "I wanted to believe that was the true world. That this was the nightmare from which I'd awaken. I wanted to believe that there was a place where you and I had never known this suffering and loss, where we'd take one look at each other and know we were mates. Maeve told me she could make it so. If I gave her the keys, she'd make it all possible." She wiped at her cheek, at the tear that escaped down it. "She spun me realities where you were dead, where you'd been killed by Erawan and only in handing over the keys to her would I be able to avenge you. But those realities made me ... I stopped being useful to her when she told me you were gone. She couldn't get me to talk, to think. Yet in the ones where you and I met, where things were as they should have been ... that was when I came the closest."
His swallow was audible. "What stopped you?"
She wiped at her face again. "The male I fell in love with was you. It was you, who knew pain as I did, and who walked with me through it, back to the light. Maeve didn't understand that. That even if she could create that perfect world, it wouldn't be you with me. And I'd never trade that, trade this. Not for anything." He extended his hand. An offer and invitation.
Aelin laid hers atop his, and his callused fingers squeezed gently. "I wanted it to be you," he breathed, closing his eyes. "For months and months, even in Wendlyn, I wondered why you weren't my mate instead. It tore me up, wondering it, but I still did." He opened his eyes, and they burned like green fire. "All this time, I wanted it to be you."
She lowered her gaze, but he hooked a thumb and forefinger around her chin and lifted her face.
"I know you are tired, Fireheart. I know that the burden on your shoulders is more than anyone should endure." He took their joined hands and laid them on his heart. "But we'll face this together. Erawan, the Lock, all of it.
"We'll face it together. And when we are done, when you Settle, we will have a thousand years together. Longer."
A small sound came out of her. "Elena said the Lock requires—"
"We'll face it together," he swore again.
"And if the cost of it truly is you, then we'll pay it together. As one soul in two bodies.
Her heart strained to the point of cleaving. "Terrasen needs a king."
"I have no intention of ruling Terrasen without you. Aedion can have the job."
She scanned his face. He meant every word He brushed the hair from her face, his other hand still clasping hers to his chest, where his heart pounded a steady, unfaltering rhythm.
"Even if I had my choice of any dream-realities, any perfect illusions, I would still choose you, too."
She felt the truth of his words echo into the unbreakable thing that bound their very souls, and tilted her face up toward his. But he made no move beyond it.
She frowned. "Why aren't you kissing me?"
"I thought you might want to be asked first."
"That never stopped you before."
"This first time, I wanted to make sure you were ... ready." After Cairn and Maeve. After months of having no choices whatsoever.
She smiled despite that truth. "I'm ready to be kissed again, Prince."
He let out a dark chuckle and muttered, "Thank the gods," before he lowered his mouth to hers.
"You're my mate." Her words were a breathless rush. "And I am yours."
The world might have been burning around them for all she cared, all he cared, too.
"Together, Aelin," he promised, and she heard the rest of the words in every place their bodies joined. Together they would face this, together they would find a way.
Together we'll find a way, their mingling breaths, the crashing sea, seemed to echo.
Together.
#Chapter 41#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Aelin Galathynius#Rowan Whitethorn#Rowaelin#soulmates#mates#spoilers and notes in tags cause this chapter and also spoilers in post cause this chapter first read react with me read along#Rowaelin chapters scenes moments quotes#they want to make it possible bring that love to light#am I allowed to cry? — Again the word endured — finally the dream — the sand she still sees — he’s magic being steady — them talking time#again if Maeve could convince Rowan Lyria was his mate how bad was it when she convinced Aelin her actual mate was dead… this hurts me…#the fact Aelin stopped being useful because it destroyed her beyond belief but the dreams the dreams almost got her because its all she wan#again then both feeling sorry and the other not realizing and then consent and then comfort and love & I just wanted it2be U how could I no#I know you are tired Fireheart (ALL THE TROPES IN ONE LINE… UGH I MISSED THIS SHIP)#together. one soul in two bodies. their endgame like literally they are. I’d choose you too. even the apologies that were needed just heali#what it might have once been — together — not alone — not returning alone — the king and queen of Terrasen — I need u more — 2 whatever end#Aelin watched the boat until it disappeared trying not to stare too long at the clean unstained sand beneath her boots#always north — she didn’t care she just wanted far away — who knew — what she knew-the letters she sent-Valg-dark blood that had turned red#If it had been another dreamscape or some fragment that had blended into the very real memory of Connall's death. — always a plab&theory#all these things to deal with later-she’d rebuild all she had been-her match helper mirror-matched his piercing stare with her own-wait/res#A far cry from a queen's chamber or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin. — how far we’ve come-she had ENDURED she can do it#I'm your mate she said needing to voice it. And you are mine. — Lyria. — I do know. and?&what do you wish me to say?-this was perfect#If what? If you wish it wasn't so. His brows narrowed. Why would I ever wish that? — Aelin. she looked at him at the pain in his words#the way it's changed since Mistward... and grown... even in names like Whitethorn Galathynius together — the brain thoughts are back —#The kiss was gentle-light. Letting her decide how to guide it. So she did. — he’d do it all night if that was what’s he wished#Together we'll find a way their mingling breaths the crashing sea seemed to echo. Together. — mountains and oceans#Might’ve been before-thought snapped-the bond- u r my mate&I am urs-the world might have been burning for all she cared all he cared too#Together they would face this together they would find a way. — claiming him as he claimed her — a scar a marker a tattoo
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hey why the fuck did nik have to cancel his deal with alveros. it was 10 years ago, implying he had to break the contract in order to do his HITS things. was it keeping nik tied to him? was it keeping him on desire island? what did nik gain from this deal? what did alveros?
#my post#jrwi thinking#alveros calls him a friend.#niklaus builds his tomb.#and yet alveros tells his daughters not to interact with nik. he Knows hes dangerous.#telling his daughters not to worry about the strange man makes me think nik wasnt on desire island. not often at least.#maybe the deal was to create a paradise. a safe place protected from outsiders#and once nik broke the deal that opened it up for malice to come in#hm#so alveros asks nik to make the island safe#i wonder what nik got in return#nik either placed the compass that points to your greatest desire in his hands or gave it to him long ago#maybe the deal was for that? for an item that can show him where to go?#nik likes to present himself as a friend and lots of people do take him at face value#but many of those people dont know him for long#alveros knew nik for YEARS#why#how#what did they GAIN from it all#i mean obviously they fucked. other than that i mean im talking just in terms of deals and desires
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My translyrics for Salamander, written out under the cut :D
This one was much more difficult than the last, but I'm still very satisfied with it! 😤 I'm both sad that my version lost a lot of the fun soundplay of the original, and also waaay more impressed with the lyrics and vocals after digging it like this! I tried to keep it balanced between the original and Fuuta's version, though maybe it ended up leaning more toward the cover, idk. Leaving my specific notes in the tags 👍
Salamander~ Hot's nice, don't you agree? This pa- passion's fine, see?
"But" isn't what I wanna hear, so say "more" loud and clear.
It's heating up all through my mind when I'm with you.
I want a taste, but all this spice may prove more than I can take, (eh?)
Something's on your mind. So spit it out and tell me, don't waste my time, kay?
I'm hooked on this, pass me a dish.
The way I'm starving here without you -- it's a crime
A spicy treat, put on repeat,
Can I get seconds with the same heat? One more time!
Salamander~ Hot's nice, don't you agree? This pa- passion's fine, see?
"But" isn't what I wanna hear, so say "more" loud and clear.
It's heating up all through my mind when I'm with you.
I can't stop anything, although I wouldn't want to stop, oh no --
Take a breath, it's best to cool down or you earn yourself a burn.
I want a bite, I can't help giving in to this new appetite.
Again, again, I want to be on fire when I get to the end.
We live too fast, we burn to ash,
I never handled spices well and it's a crime.
A spicy treat, put on repeat,
Can I get seconds with the same heat? One more time!
I want to burn bright red
I want to burn bright red
Salamander~ Hot's nice, don't you agree? This pa- passion's fine, see?
"But" isn't what I wanna hear, so say "more" loud and clear.
Tell me I'm not alone in my mind!
Salamander~ Look what's happened to me. This pa- passion's crazy
Tell me I'm not delirious, I'm being serious.
It's heating up all through my mind when I'm with you.
I can't stop anything, although I wouldn't want to stop, oh no --
Take a breath, it's best to cool down or you earn yourself a burn.
I want to leave I want to go, but I can never stop, oh no --
Take a breath, it's best to cool down or you earn yourself a burn.
#milgram#fuuta kajiyama#deco*27#this time i can confidently say this is my fav milgram song lmao#literally the hardest line of the whole song was the very first one#still not 100% satisfied but compared to my dozens of draft lines its pretty good#i really wanted the 'po's to be within a word like the original and went digging through so many words with the sound in the middle LMAO#i wanted something focused more on heat/spice but alas it had to be passion -_-#there was very little space to get across the idea of 'its not a big deal right?' so i hope 'fine' conveys what i want it to hmm...#forever missing the sound of 'ripiccha itai/ piriccha itai' but the treat/repeat lines still worked out well!#so mad english doesnt have a nice onomatopoeia like 'fuu' :(#i needed to keep the long u to finish of the first stanza the long o in a few lines -- i absolutely love how arthur lounsbery sings those#my ace ass appreciates his commitment to singing such a steamy song so harsh and turning the seductive whispers into angry grumbling 😂#me too man#the struggle of trying to write fun food lines and going 'oh NO that sounds even dirtier now' 😭😭😭#i actually did record myself singing and i knew it was gonna be bad but it was Really Awful adsfdsfd so sorry#just take my word for it!!! it all works perfectly!!!#(once again if anyone wants to cover it hmu hehe :3)#oops spelled delirious wrong in my chart shhhhhh#lyrics
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tw: cannibalism, (slightly) graphic depictions of violence and HEAVY elements of horror will be ahead, so i'm going to put this under a 'read-more' if you'd rather skip out on this one.
so they looked around for a bit, and that's when they found it. this blood trail going down the floor of the hallway, which was already kind of scary, though it was nothing compared to the sound of someone's ringtone suddenly resounding from one of the rooms in the back (think one of those love songs with sort of creepy vibes to them like ' unchained melody. ') so, once your muse gathered enough courage, they decided to proceed down it even though something inside of them was screaming that something seemed wrong. and it seemed like they were right because once they reached the back, they found a dead body just... pressed up against the wall with blood spattered behind them. and there were other spots of the wall spattered with blood as well.
i feel like, for a character that's supposed to be pretty horror-oriented, that this account has been kind of lacking in content related to that lately, SO imagine this scenario, y'all. your muse is friends with or just cares about barton in some way. and thus, whenever they find out that he's attracted the ire of someone dangerous + that he's been missing for WEEKS, they assume the worst and try to find out his location. which leads them to this already creepy, dilapidated, and abandoned mortuary. and they honestly didn't know what they were expecting once they entered it, but it certainly wasn't this deafening silence, and there seeming to be... no one around?
so, you try to circle around to find out what the hell is going on, but then you see the thing that barton is hunched over is a body and a third one on the autopsy table in the room. and your muse can't help but blanche + feel like they've just stumbled into the lions den, because barton is not only SO beat up, but he's eating the person below him. and it's absolutely horrific because whenever they gasp at the sight is when barton finally looks up at them.
it was ALL over this corpses' face, though, as it appeared like they died from some sort of brutal blunt force trauma. but there's also another blood trail that is smeared across the floor up and under one of the doors in the back, which they are REALLY questioning whether they want to open now. they choose to do so with their eyes closed after remembering that barton would do the same for them (and by that, i mean he would want to save them JSJSJ), and all they can see when they open them is the back of barton hunched over something, or someone as you discover while getting closer to him. and it's like he is either ignoring you or hasn't heard you enter the room because he's still focused on whatever he was doing.
and there is just NOTHING behind those eyes even though he's got a copious amount of blood dripping down from his lips and dripping down his chin + neck. like JSJSJ i don't know about you guys, but i would be sooo scared because not only is this NOT normal behavior for him at all, it's god damn terrifying to see someone cannibalize you someone else. and so if he were real, along with me being in this situation, i probably wouldn't talk to him for a while because i wouldn't even know where to begin AHHH
#tw: blood.#like OMG. just the concept of not knowing exactly what happened but seeing that barton looks pretty much completely broken here-#tw: mentions of murder.#tw: (slightly) graphic depictions of violence.#tw: disturbing content in general.#tw: horror.#tw: cannibalism.#i just... i blame myself for playing video games like outlast whenever it comes to me creating frightening stuff like this JSJSJ#and is EATING someone while he's at it is... i have no words. i hope i didn't scare any of you guys with this scenario building-#thing of mine bc i would feel really bad if i didn't NGL. i'm obviously not trying to condone violence or cannibalism here-#i just think that it's important to show just how horrific barton can really be as a character and how even villain's have a breaking-#point though OFC that doesn't make anything he did justified. once again barton was just using something he knew would help him-#regain control of the situation which would be violence in this case even though it's not right AT ALL and is so chilling#that it may or may not make him look monstrous 😬 though like i was saying before whatever they did to him had somewhat contributed-#to him becoming like this though barton still has to take responsibility for his actions and so... yeah. IDK how y'alls muses-#would deal with something like this but i know i would be wanting to nope out of there as soon as i saw him hunched over someone NGL#and quite possibly time for at leasttt a psych eval because something happened and it was NOT good like i was saying before
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did you watch tua s4 and if so what did you think :3
yeah i watched it
#crazy to be reminded that happened i've been trying to block it out of my mind since august but sure#honest thoughts: i've been kind of checked out since s3 was so mid but i didn't expect s4 to be THAT bad#i thought it was a terrible season with very few redeeming qualities especially when it came to five's storyline#pretty much completely nonsensical and removed from everything i liked about the first two seasons#also just lazy. like the plot doesn't make sense. why is jennifer in a squid. how did reg wipe their minds and why did he only do it once#why can you see other people's memories in the memory returning machine somehow#why did they hire a 13 year old in the fbi and how did he get such a high ranking position#what was the point of sewing all that irritation between diego and lila out of nowhere and why are they trying pretend diego was fat#what happened to sloane. what happened to allison's deal with reg.#if no one remembered ben's death why did they all talk about it like they did and how did klaus never notice that w ghost ben#why do they all care so much about a version of ben they didn't grow up with who hates them#how would five's initial plan for the subway fix everything if stopping the jennifer incident#would only save the ben who died in their timeline and not the one from the sparrow timeline who is causing the problem#if he knew they could timeline jump w the subway why wouldn't they just jump back in time to their original timeline#why is everyone in this world part of the jean and gene cult or whatever like there's no characters outside their circle who aren't involve#why does allison have new powers and why did she use them instead of her rumoring when she was trying to get info out of someone#and of course. what was the point of all that.#soundtrack wasn't even good. we used to be a society.#anyways. i liked viktor's bar and the implication that he still sucks so bad at dating#and five's ash ketchum haircut was fun.#i don't care about this season at all otherwise and i like to pretend it never happened so i can still enjoy the show and characters <3#which is very is easy bc it was so mindblowingly stupid it doesn't even feel real
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man i thought i moved out to escape my family but it turns out i've jumped from the pan into the fire because holy shit my guys what the fuck??
#at least at home we have people competent enough to not flush wet wipes and tampons down the toilet#let alone FOOD???#and we don't leave our dishes out for so long by the sink that they start to RUST#like ok my lil brothers make a mess sometimes and accidentally shat on the floor a few times but at least they're fucking children why tf#should i deal with shit water because of your incompetence#and yknow i can deal with noise. im the noisiest at night at home b/c i always go shower late but im not fucking SCREECHING and chatting#so loudly you'd think i was at a concert or some shit#and this bitch?? can't comprehend i just want to not have crumbs all over the couch???#like girl. how did this become a slight against you. why would i ask you to keep the couch clean b/c you slept there once or twice#BITCH I CLEANED THE COUCH COVER ON MY OWN DIME *BECAUSE* I KNEW YOU MIGHT SLEEP THERE AGAIN & WANTED IT TO BE CLEAN FOR YOU#YOU NOT ONLY INSULT ME BUT ENTIRELY MISCONSTRUE MY KINDNESS TOWARDS YOU??? WHY WOULD IT BE DIRTY B/C YOU SLEPT THERE???#you can't make this shit up i hate having roommates holy hell#only slightly made up for by the fact i get a room to myself these days#the other one smells like weed all the time and the other other one doesnt wash her hands properly after using the toilet + keeps her dishe#out by the sink + doesn't pick her hair up#also i'm the youngest so that's just even sadder#i was also the youngest last year and bitch. you have no idea#this is what being the eldest sibling does to a mf#not really related but they made the ugliest doormat ever i wish i had been there to stop them from that atrocity#and why do they not take their shoes off. girl i mop the floors like every 2 weeks#it's fucking clean trust me just take them off bitch#am i being holier than thou? probably but fucking DESERVED#i can't be taking care of people two years older than me like this. yall have too much fucking drama
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here i always thought i was unlike papyrus in my general demeanor but now i'm learning i just needed 30mg of adderall
#more posting about this topic instead of secret skeleton sex i apologize but i gotta celebrate whatever wins i can get rn lol#got out of bed today thinking about and being EXCITED for all the chores i can do today. who am i#shit has me feeling downright cheery to start my day even if it's starting a bit later than i'd prefer its so awesome#my poor roommate gets to deal with me being very enthusiastically supportive of her getting through her finals today#actually yknow what i think even without the chores i'd be really happy rn bc the thing thats REALLY awesome about all this?#im not even tachycardic!!!!!!! my heart is being NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#my adhd meds and my heart meds are working TOGETHER !!!! i can be energetic and excited and productive without needing huge breaks!!!!!!!!!#VERY annoying that this is only finally happening on the very last few days of finals and it's too late to fix anything school-wise BUT#i am too happy about feeling Well for once that i can't even get upset about that rn. i love not having to remember i'm disabled <3333#i am morphing into that funny skeleton that lives in my brain for today i think. if only i knew how to build puzzles and traps
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how the motherfuckers in college feel after giving you info LAST FUCKING MINUTE. DO THEY WANT ME TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF I SWEAR TO GODDDDDDDD
#by god you shall see me on the news#WHY DOES MY COLLEGE DO THIS ALL THE FUCKING TIME#FIRST WITH CLASS LOCATIONS NOW WITH CLASSES THEMSELVES? WHY CANT THEY LET US KNOW A WEEK IN ADVANCE??? THAT CANNOT BE TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??#ITS SO FUCKING ANNOYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG#i cant do this anymore#AND ITS NOT EVEN LIKE A ME-SPECIFIC ISSUE#ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS HATE THEIR COLLEGE TOO THEY DO NOT GIVE INFO ASAP#fucking annoying ass institution#i dont wanna be here anymore bruh no wonder bitches drop out all the time#a professor is allowed to be late for a whole HOUR and they're allowed to randomly switch the location to a different BUILDING but#im not allowed to be more than 15 mins late. like ok. what if i killed you#theyre allowed to MAKE U RUN ACROSS CAMPUS TO THAT DIFF BUILDING BUT I CANT BRING TEA INSIDE THE CLASS?!?!? ALRIGHT.#stupid complaints . no shit theyre allowed to do that. it still makes me mad#god taht building thing actually pissed me tf off . when i say lastminute i MEAN LAST MINUTE#THEY TOLD ME THEY SWAPPED BUILDINGS ON THE EXACT HOUR THE CLASS STARTED LIKE WTF#this is just a rant#im like really mad . right now. cause i accidentally skipped a class. again.#ugh i know its not that BIG of a deal i missed once for one class but it still makes me so fucking mad bc#i couldve easily gone in IF I HAD KNOWN BEFOREHAND#is it really that hard to update ur students. omfg.#THE ONLY REASON I EVEN KNEW WE HAD CLASS TDY WAS BC MY FRIEND DM'D ME#'im late" WAIT HUH!?!??!? LATE TO WHAT BRUH#ohh its over i cant keep up like that#this means i have to actually lock in and get the best grades ever. omfg.#blabberpar#IM SO MAD IM SO MAD IM SO MAD#im so mad i could. end up on the news.#starting now im checking that damn portal and all the news in the world .#omfg.#im so mad man.
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Going through the Utahim.e tag had me checking several times if at some point I had clicked on the G.ojo/Utahim.e one instead
#It's mainly the ship and mainly ship art. Very pretty btw. There's people with gorgeous styles there#There isn't even a lot of x reader fics haha I guess people don't want to bang Utahime?#Anyway... lowkey wished this happened with Ijichi lol#I so wanted Ijichi to mention or even hint at a mention of Gojo one last time like they did with Nanami#If nothing else for the weight of it all. The weight of feeling your youth dying piece by piece alongside the people who made it out#And everything it implies#Art of Shoko dealing with Gojo's death even in a cold way always strikes hard for that motive but I always love it#with pretty much everyone of those years. There was one piece I saw once that was not explicitly or necessarily romantic about Utahime#being hit by Gojo's death and I don't recall exactly how it was (I think I may have queued it?)#but it moved me more than any piece more clearly emotional that I had seen before#I don't know. I thought it held the potential of that. That weird uncomfortable heartbreaking feeling#of hearing bad news about old friends or classmates and how it makes you realise the weight of time#They suffered and accident. They tried to kill themselves. They are very sick. Their sibling or parent died. And you knew these people#You saw them daily for years. Maybe you weren't close but you knew these people. They cut my bangs when I was eight and I punched them#I tripped over them playing hide and seek and we both lost at the same time. We both hated each other's favourite teacher#They borrowed my pen once and then never gave it back. I once drenched them at the fountain after PE and it was winter but they laughed#Their mother got mad though. Now she's dead. We were made to sit together in French class in middle school. They loved to keep their hair l#Now they're sick and have lost their hair#Their little sibling was so annoying always trying to make us play with them during recess too. It was kinda cute. Now they're dead#I don't know. That kind of stuff#Utahime boosts Gojo and then he dies. Shoko opens him up to make a tool of his body#Ijichi accompanies another kid to clean after him in the meanwhile. And then the realisation hits. He is dead#He was annoying. He was my friend. He was so rude#He had such a sweet tooth. He laughed so loudly. He used to lean over people when talking with them#We were kids once. We are here now. He isn't here anymore. Some of us haven't been here anymore for a long while. It's been so long#He was still young. I am still young. We felt so old. At times it feels as if the time back then didn't happen at all.#And now he's dead and oh it's true he was so annoying but he also had such a sweet tooth. I forgot. What do I do with this memory now?#At times it felt as if the time back then didn't happen at all but then at times it shone through. He brought it back#He asked me a favour knowing I wouldn't betray his secret. He still teased the same way. He still leaned on people. But now he's dead#I don't know if I'm explaining myself well xD I think it's a pretty common emotion when it happens.Oh I forgot to censore words again sorry
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