#on the other it feels morally wrong and irresponsible and stupid not to at least try to study some more when I've been so unproductive

[maxdibert]

Hi! Could you tell me your top 5 least favorite Harry Potter characters and why?

My 5 most hated characters in Harry Potter are:

5 - Molly Weasley: I can’t stand this woman. I can’t stand how she acts like a morally superior, pure-blood yet holds endless prejudices, especially (and mostly) toward other, younger women. I don’t like her tradwife vibe, and I don’t like how overbearing and suffocating she is. Seriously, in real life, I’d feel the urge to tell her off—she’s that typical annoying woman who doesn’t know where the boundaries are.

4 - Remus Lupin: Zero sympathy for a man almost forty who got a 24-year-old girl pregnant and then abandoned her. Remus Lupin is a coward and a piece of trash, a bullying accomplice who keeps his head down regarding his own actions and needs a 17-year-old to teach him a lesson in manhood. I really wish Tonks had left him and taken off with Teddy to get as far away as possible from that pathetic excuse for a person.

3 - Dumbledore: Starting with the fact that the entire problem of the story basically stems from his irresponsibility with Tom Riddle, which already showed that he was a terrible teacher. He only shows concern for students who can serve his purposes or suck up to him, and his involvement throughout the story shows a moral stance I find nauseating. I mean, he’s a guy who has the nerve to lecture his former students who “chose the wrong path,” but when those same students were under his care, he constantly neglected and rejected them just because they didn’t belong to a certain house. He had the audacity to call Severus Snape “miserable” when it was Dumbledore himself who allowed Snape to be bullied and almost killed without lifting a finger to stop it or punish the bullies. This same Dumbledore scolds Draco Malfoy for not trusting him when from Draco’s first day at Hogwarts, all he saw from the old man was favoritism toward a certain house and certain students, completely ignoring the rest. Honestly, I’d have banned him from teaching. There’s a lot said about Snape as a teacher, but Dumbledore was responsible for everything, allowed terrible things to happen, and turned his back on many vulnerable children and teenagers. Then he acted all surprised when they ended up in bad places. Screw him, hypocritical old man.

2 - Ginny Weasley: The “I’m not like other girls,” the “shut up, Hermione, you don’t know anything about Quidditch,” the “everyone look at me, I hex people, I’m one of the boys, I’m not vain but I’m hot, but I’m not prissy,” the “I make fun of girls who are pretty, flirty, and feminine because I’m a textbook pick-me girl” who is shoved into the end of the series. She’s a character who didn’t matter at all throughout the story; she’s barely mentioned in some books, but suddenly she’s Harry’s love interest because J.K. Rowling needed all her characters to end up married with 468749284 kids, and Harry needed to be part of the Weasley family. So, they had to do something. Ginny is a terrible character, going from irrelevant to some sort of Mary Sue who even the Slytherins drool over and who, of course, is not a “typical girl” because being a “typical girl” in Rowling’s world is somehow the original sin. So, she’s great at sports, hexes people, pulls pranks because she’s so cool, uh uh uh, she’s not like the others, uh uh uh, but she has internalized misogyny that you can smell from here to China. Honestly, someone should have slapped her for being so damn stupid.

1 - James Potter: There’s nothing I haven’t already said about James Potter. He’s a character who really grinds my gears because they try to sell him as some kind of hero, but he was just a spoiled rich kid who decided to torment a poor, vulnerable boy simply because that boy was friends with his crush. He used his social power and status to get away with all the crap he pulled, attacked in groups, lied to his girlfriend saying he’d stopped bullying people when he really hadn’t, and when he was supposed to be locked up in a house with his wife and son, he was off fooling around with his best friend. James Potter was an ass, and defending him is defending classism, elitism, and whitewashing social classes. I’m not going to explain why.

[a-god-in-ruins-rises]

it is interesting. the thing about christianity that christians most often tout as the reason why christianity is superior is the exact same thing that i always struggled with the most.

that "thing" is the concept of salvation. specifically, salvation from sin (especially original sin).

and i think one of the reasons why paganism appealed is precisely because it didn't have this thing. at least not in the same way.

it just always seems so convoluted to me. it seemed like a solution to a problem they invented. and it doesn't even make any sense.

one specific thing that always confused me was the immaculate conception. it's just strange to me. if god can make it so mary is immaculately conceived and born without original sin....why can't he do that for everyone? yeah i know it's mostly a catholic thing but still.

also, another thing is, i've never understood the significance of jesus' "sacrifice". like....he is god. how is that a sacrifice? he endures a day of suffering and then wakes up in heaven as the ruler of the universe? that suffering must be like stepping on a lego in the grand scheme of things. lmao. his suffering wasn't even unique either. romans crucified people all the time. there were literally two other guys suffering the same fate right next to him.\

also if it's essentially god sacrificing himself to himself....why all the melodrama? why do you have to go through all that to "wash away" everyone's sin? no one else seems to be involved in the transaction. couldn't you do it all without the suffering and the crucifixion.

also, most christians don't even understand how jesus dying is supposed to "save" us in the first place. there are all kinds of theories of atonement. but even among "scholarly" circles there's no real consensus. different churches will tend to one or another. but no one is really sure. ask yourself. how does jesus dying wash away your sins? is his death the devil's ransom? or was it to satisfy god's righteous fury? was it just a moral example? penal substitution? most people have never even really thought about it and took the "jesus died for our sins" refrain for granted.

and the questions continue. why is there sin at all? free will? okay well how can we have free will if god is all knowing? but sure let's grant free will. then why did he put the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the garden of eden? why even insert that kind of temptation? was it a test? why? it's like i tell a child to not eat a donut i placed on a table and then holding a lifelong grudge against them when they inevitably do. it seems so petty and stupid and kind of fucked up and irresponsible. also, like why can't he just show up to everyone and perform miracles and outline the rules clearly to people? if the choice is between salvation and eternal damnation i feel like he should be a bit more clear and direct. why gamble with people's souls? more petty testing? is it all just a game or something?

and i can keep going. but you get the idea. this is so central to christianity and one of the biggest points christians bring up when we discuss religion but it's so convoluted. and it just reads like someone make it up as they go along. and that's fine btw. that's literally what i believe about all religions, even my own. no religion is static and they're all constantly changing and adapting and evolving. and that's fine! but christianity always pretends to be different and superior for that difference. if they were just like "yeah idk it's all just myth and tradition and we're doing our best to interpret it and its mystery ultimately escapes us" or something like that i could respect that. but most christians are like "no. this is the absolute revealed truth and it's why christianity is superior and if you don't believe it you're wrong and going to hell."

lmao.

[as-rare-as-trees]

Terribly BITTER because I can't split into two people just to grab myself by the shoulders and shake me violently

[yandere-sins]

His Love

Horrortober Day 4: Needle  |  “It’s just a tiny sting. You won’t notice it at all.”

Day 4! Time is passing so fast... but I am glad to do this challenge :3 I think the biggest challenge for me is actually writing for the character’s I predetermined at the beginning. I find myself wanting to switch them around for prompts but no! I will stick to the list and keep challenging myself ^-^

Warnings: Yandere, TW Needle/Syringe, Kidnapping, Gags and being tied up, Sedation Characters: Dazai Osamu x Reader

It was wrong.

With tears streaming down your face, you had to recognize that everything you thought had been right was actually terribly wrong. You only just met him. Perhaps it had been a month now. But really, you only just met this wonderful stranger named Dazai. He didn’t just catch your eye, he also pulled at your heartstrings. It was the kind of love you always had wanted, just… it wasn’t. Not really. 

Not if that love meant being held captive, gagged and tied, staring into the face of a madman.

Something about the way he held the needle in his hand, clear drops of something collecting at its nozzle, seemed utterly wrong. Not just morally. Morally it was very wrong. No one should fear getting injected with something unknown. But the way he held it was strange enough to ring alarm bells. As if he didn’t know how to properly use it.

As if he didn’t know what he was doing.

“Shh,” Dazai shushed you calmly, holding down your right leg as you began to move and struggle again. Panic rose inside of you, festering in every inch of your body. NO! you wanted to scream at him, your bare feet trying to kick Dazai or at least the syringe out of his hand. Whatever his plan was, you didn’t want to have anything to do with it. 

You’ve tried being calm, tried being patient with him. When he invited you over to his apartment, only to spike the tea he served you with drugs, you were scared, yes. But you tried your best to work with him and his crazy wishes. No useless question fell off your lips anymore after Dazai stared at you crazed when you asked him if you could leave. You’ve been so good. So why did you have to go through this?

“It’s just a tiny sting. You won’t notice it at all,” Dazai assured you, or rather, reassured you. But with your mouth gagged, you couldn’t tell him how little you feared the needle and how much you feared what it would transfer in your body. With the last bit of effort you could come up with, you looked at him, fixating his eyes with yours. As miserable as you could, you pleaded with him silently to please not do it.

And for a moment, it seemed to work. Dazai merely stared back. You weren’t sure what he saw, maybe it was his own reflection that made him hesitant, but it caught him, made him lower his arm. “You know,” he mumbled, slowly painting his fingers over your leg. It gave you goosebumps, but at the same time, it helped to lower your anxiety, seeing how he relaxed. “I don’t like doing this to you, either.”

Even you knew those were empty words. Just like all the other words he always told you. Dazai’ loved you’, ‘adored you’ even. What a joke. ‘Couldn’t imagine a life without you’ and ‘wished to always be with you’. And he could have! Some part of you believed that if he hadn’t done these things to you—kidnapping and mistreating you in every way possible—then perhaps, you two could have become the couple he wanted. He could have proved you wrong. Proved that the love you always wanted did exist!

You two could have found a way to live. With each other or apart, but in love. Beautiful, pure love. But not like this. Not with him still gripping the syringe in his hand, eyes lowering to leer at your body presented to him like a gift. A gift he wrapped himself while you were unconscious like so many of your days now. Because you were his present to enjoy, no matter if you liked it or not. 

A sigh of relief left you, despite getting stuck on the gag, and you dared to look away, only to feel his grip tighten around your ankle again. Alarmed, you opened your eyes again, looking at a man full of disappointment and anger. Back was the tension that left you before and gone the feeling of safety you irresponsibly allowed yourself to have after the threat seemed banned. 

“I don’t like doing it, but I hate it even more to see you’ve been hiding this from me.”

From his trouser’s back pocket, Dazai pulled a black, rectangle object, dangling it in front of your face. Shit, you thought, and you were pretty sure the truth was showing in your expression. You knew exactly what it was: your savior. A phone that the man who came to patch you up after a rough fight with your captor two days ago left you. It had been a risk to have, but you hid it in the cover of your pillow. But without the possibility to use it until now, this random act of kindness had been in vain. You’ve been wanting to dial the emergency contacts, but before you could, Dazai had forced you to rest, leaving you restrained until he came back. But you didn’t think he could find it, even if you never used it. 

“Why must there be secrets between us, my love? You know I hate being deceived, but let’s be honest, did you really think I wouldn’t find it?”

Tugging at your ankle, you yelped, losing the strength in your body to keep yourself up and face him. You’ve been good. All this time, you had been understanding and patient. But who could blame you for clinging to a ray of hope? Shaking your head, you tried to plead with him again, but this time, his expression was merely filled with conceited disappointment. As if he was any better than you. That overprotective, obsessed, and mad asshole. 

“So while I go out and find who dared putting these stupid thoughts in your head, I can’t risk you being as awake and clever as you think you are.”

The syringe came back in sight, and you felt almost defeated, knowing there was nothing you could do against a decision he had already made. There was only hoping for the best and trying to prepare for the awakening by his side later, coddled and suffocating in his chest. 

“Dazai,” you said, but what came out was probably nothing more than blabbering against the gag. If he could say empty words, then so could you. If your survival depended on being sweet and kind to the man who was ruining you with his mere presence, then you would be what he wanted from you. 

His eyes opened wide, his name being such a rare word to hear from you, even if you butchered it with your inability to speak properly. Letting go of your ankle, he climbed on top of you, making it easier to look at him again while you laid down and relaxed. “I love you,” you lied, the feelings never reaching your eyes, but they certainly lifted Dazai’s mood. “Me too!” he sighed, smiling softly. “I love you too.”

It really was just a tiny sting, but against his promise, you felt it painfully in the side of your upper body. Letting out a strained groan, you temporarily tensed before you were sedated, eyes slowly closing as you drifted off to another sleepless night for you. In the cold, dark bunker that Dazai called your home, nothing seemed safe, and nothing was right. You could do everything you dared, but you couldn’t do the things you wanted. 

However, something even Dazai had to realize at some point was that you hadn’t given up yet. You’d never. You had a life before this—one you loved. Even if you had to make yourself small and loveable, endure the hardships of a thousand needles and the love of a psycho who you once thought was the man of your dreams, you wouldn’t give up. You wanted to believe that there was more to life than being here, that there was so much more to see and experience than the trauma you were going through. That there still was true love waiting for you. A love that was stronger than all of this. 

But did you really believe you were stronger than that cunning man who calls you the love of his life?

[ravysu]

Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

[lightlavenders]

Time for my Entrapdak rant (a.k.a. why Hordak was better for her than literally anyone else, a.k.a. I’m not bias I swear)

as I read through Entrapta/Hordak/princess gang discourse on this site I started to realise the reason why I loved Entrapdak so much in the first place, and I will now talk about that here (some of these points are stolen from better posts). ALSO no matter how much I shit on other characters just know this isn’t an attack of any of them. This is gonna be VERY ENTRAPTA FOCUSED.

OK SO we get introduced to Entrapta pretty early in season 1 and we get to learn a lot about her. It also quickly becomes clear that she’s neurodivergent - something confirmed to be intentional by many of the creators. Entrapta has a passion for technology, science and inventing, and (same as the previous princesses) the best friend squad decide they need her in the alliance so she can build them weapons (whICH SHE NEVER ACTUALLY DOES i think BUT THATS NOT THE POINT). 

Throughout the episode though, the squad (mostly Glimmer bc she’s the one who gets to closely interact with Entrapta the most... Adora being completely out of it and Bow with the kitchen staff) seems to slowly run out of patience for her - Glimmer very obviously puts up a front of tolerance despite her frustration. This is unlike the other episodes, where all the princesses get along in the end and become best friends oh boy! So... we have our only neurodivergent character so far who isn’t really welcomed into the group the same way as the others... and her autistic behaviour is only tolerated because they need her... okay, maybe that’ll change later.

Or not? When Entrapta joins the others on the quest to save Glimmer, she is constantly infantilised by the others and not taken seriously. She runs off to study Horde tech and actually helps rescue Sea Hawk, two very helpful things, but Perfuma talks down to her like a child and PUTS HER ON A LEASH? SHE’S 30!!! SHE WAS TRYING TO HELP! And no one tells Sea Hawk off for getting lost and alerting Scorpia to their presence, which wasn’t helpful at all. Then later, Mermista says she’ll keep an eye on her “in case she decides to befriend any more robots” like okay... she isn’t a child, and she didn’t run off because she wanted to play with robots or something?

Okay, so, Entrapta is left behind, which I won’t blame them for because it definitely looked like she died (they get over it pretty quickly but I digress), and she comes across Catra. Okay! Here’s a chance for Entrapta to make a true friend, right? Or not, because Entrapta and Catra’s friendship is built entirely on manipulation. At least Scorpia was sincere. 

Here Entrapta is again, in a position where she’s being used for her skills and in a we’re-sort-of-friends-but-I-only-tolerate-you-because-you’re-useful situation, with Scorpia probably being her only true friend at the moment. She starts helping out the horde, because they actually let her do what she wants and at the very least don’t treat her like a child. Then, she stumbles into Hordak’s lab.

I’m gonna say this now because I’ll get murdered if I don’t - Hordak is a bad guy. He does bad guy stuff. But so does Entrapta sometimes (I’ll talk about that later) so good morals don’t need to play into their relationship I think. It’s about how they treat each other.

At first, Hordak is very defensive and angry towards Entrapta, as he would be to anyone coming in to his lab without permission and discovering his secret portal project. But then she fixes said portal and he immediately sees her as an intellectual equal. Again, Entrapta has had to prove herself to someone by making herself useful, but it actually goes further. ALSO can I say how Hordak is the ONLY person who interacts directly with Entrapta who doesn’t treat her like a child or emotionally manipulate her, with the exception of Wrong Hordak, Emily, and Imp of all characters... Even Scorpia is guilty of this later.

So, Entrapta and Hordak start working together, and Entrapta is obviously very excited to have someone treat her as an equal (they’re lab partners!!). On top of that, Hordak is also happy to have someone he can actually trust. Catra and Scorpia at separate times both remark on how Entrapta spends all of her time with him now, and who can fucking blame her when he’s the only one that has literally spent all this time growing close to her and understanding her as a person, not just using her, not just tolerating her, not talking down to her constantly. Hordak opens up his trauma to Entrapta and she responds by opening up a bit in return, literally saying that she doesn’t fit in and that Catra doesn’t even talk to her anymore. They are obviously comfortable around each other, and if Hordak was manipulating her, then why was he so distraught when she was taken away? Why did he CRY??? Why did he consider giving up on his life’s purpose and abandoning what is essentially his god for her???

Anyway, stuff happens, and Entrapta shows that she isn’t the irresponsible child everyone thinks she is by agreeing to shut off the portal. But of course, Catra betrays her and sends her away. To die. How nice. Catra tells Hordak that Entrapta betrayed him, and instead of flipping out and turning all Hal Stewart incel “if I can’t have you no one can” he just gets sad... and then later all he really wants is to see her again, even if it is on the battlefield. I’m not sure what he would’ve done so we can’t say for sure, but I seriously doubt he wanted to hurt her.

sidenote - I’m not gonna blame Scorpia for letting Catra doing this, Scorpia had her own shit going on and was essentially trapped in an abusive relationship and she also later makes up for letting Entrapta down by getting her rescued

SO then the best friend squad go to save her from Beast Island, and she’s literally completely given up. Gee, I wonder why. Could it be because it seems like every friend she’s ever had has abandoned her, scolded her, or outright zapped her unconscious and sent her to die in a monster filled island? But the squad save her and affirm to her that they didn’t give up on her and that they’re still her friends. Actions speak louder than words, guys, but okay, cool! To Bow and Adora’s credit, they were the least patronising and mean out of anyone... so, that’s something. Anyway! Affirmations! Some respect from her friends! I hope this lasts... 

It didn’t! Season 5, Entrapta goes along with the others to help find out where Glimmer is. Here is where I quickly have to say something - Entrapta does indeed make some ‘evil’ and stupid decisions sometimes - hacking the black garnet, building robots that attack her old friends, walking out absentmindedly in front of a robot and compromising her team. Some of these things can be explained by her neurodivergence, but do not always justify it. That being said. Entrapta is not evil, she is not stupid, and her “weirdness” does not give her friends the excuse to treat her like a child. 

Here’s where it gets bad!! Perfuma puts Entrapta on a leash AGAIN!!!!!! WHAT? Writers? Wyd?? Not only this, but the others talk about her behind her back, and then scold her without any consideration for how she, as a neurodivergent person, was interpreting the situation. They could’ve explained their feelings to her in a calm way, instead of shunning her and expecting her to pick up on their cues, then exploding at her when they didn’t. THEN THEY CALL HER A BAD FRIEND.... and I feel hypocrisy in this chili’s tonight... and then Scorpia... doesn’t say anything? Girl help. Ik we can’t totally blame her since she was new to the squad and probably didn’t wanna get kicked out or yelled at like with Catra, but please... that is your friend...say something. also why did mermista need to pull her hair and then later say “you’re still a weirdo” like what. why do people ship them? because mermista cried when entrapta ‘died’? Okay??

I think Entrapta actually goes through some character development after this which is pretty cool - she outwardly expresses her concern for Glimmer, which is affirming to her friends the squad, and later at the end of the series, intentionally keeps herself focused during the most high stakes moment instead of running off. I’m not qualified to talk about if these traits, which could be considered traits of autistic people, deserve to be treated as flaws to be fixed, that’s a whole other bag of worms, but yay character development.

Finally, at the end, Hordak properly reunites with Entrapta and he decides to rebel against his creator and his purpose to save her life, showing that Entrapta, and their connection, is his priority now. And once Adora saves Hordak from Prime (thanks Adora), the two finally reunite in a spinning hug - that is literally the most physical contact either of them have had with anyone, how could anyone not believe in their connection and mutual trust???

Mermista gives us one last jab, an understandable one considering Hordak was conquering their planet for years on end, but still - “so, are we all just like, okay with this?” yes girl, we are. He’s literally the only one who ever treated her with real respect and love, the only one who ever prioritised her.

I know some people are gonna be like “just ship her with wrong Hordak” and if you really like that... go ahead I guess? But do we need to force a clone who just got control of his own mind into a relationship, or a girl who is very much in love with someone else into a relationship with one of her friends? You can do what you want though, it’s literally fine, I’m the one who just spent over 1500 words talking about why a 30 year old science woman should go out with an alien warlord.

In conclusion - Hordak and Entrapta deserve each other, because Entrapta deserves someone who treats her right, and I love her.

[bisexualsforprompto]

This one might be a bit mean. MLB prompt idea. What if anyone could be a true wielder of the Miraculous. But to do so it would require the Kwami 'eat' the heart of their chosen and replace it with their magic. No one not even Fu have gone that far to become a true holder because of the negatives that come with it (I leave that to you). Marinette on the other hand didn't even think twice once she was told about it and became a true wielder. (sorry not really a maribat prompt)

What was she supposed to do?

Hawkmoth had to be stopped and the only way to do that was...

Well it had started off okay. Once she had made the exchange of her heart and soul for the magic of luck she hadn’t really felt a change. She felt a bit lighter; as if a burden almost was lifted off her.

For the first couple weeks she was fine, her friends noticed small differences in her but mostly attributed it to lack to sleep.

After all Marinette was Marinette, right?

Sweet, caring, loving Marinette...

Nothing could change her. They knew that for a fact.

But it began to get harder to deny after some weird happenstances: passing Adrien and Alya without so much as a glance, ignoring her parents, not going to Kitty Section meetings...Her friends noticed that she even stopped designing after awhile.

There was no more denying it: Marinette had changed. Everyone in Bustier’s class was worried, even Chloe had shown some remorse; asking one day during Marinette’s absence from school, “What is wrong with Dupain-Chang?”

She stopped answering calls and texts. She stopped playing video games. She only ever showed up to school half of the time.

There was no doubt that everyone missed her. Alya had even tried to tell her once, trying to get her to open up...but with no success. Marinette simply brushed her aside coolly, a cold stare gracing her usually kind face.

Class morale was low. Who knew one person made so much of a difference?

After a months of her behavior, most of the class gave up, resigned to their fate: that this Marinette was here to stay.

In the end it was only Alya, Nino, and Adrien still holding out hope.

It wasn’t that the other members of the class didn’t care about her...just the opposite: without her they couldn’t figure out how to care. Apathy was running in their veins just like it was in Marinette’s.

It felt like losing a friend. Most of the class had gone through the stages of grief, ending grimly at acceptance, but...Adrien was stuck in denial.

“Nathalie,” Adrien whispered on the way to school, “What do you do when someone seems like they changed completely?”

Nathalie looked back at her charge quizzically, “How so?”

“They go from kind and loving to cold and uncaring...” Adrien sighed, analyzing the situation. He still knew the old Marinette was in there somewhere, he just needed to bring her out.

He had tried asking Ladybug earlier but even she had seemed to change. She only showed up for akuma attacks to get the job done. No pound it, no team-bonding, no more “hey kitty.” Only staring at him coldly when he made a mistake and then leaving once the akuma was purified. He half wondered if he did something wrong, but it was kind of hard to know that if Ladybug didn’t stick around enough to ask.

Adrien tried to muffle his frustration. Sure, she had grown significantly as a hero over the last few months. And that’s what was important, right? His feelings didn’t matter as long as Paris was safe...

But it still hurt.

And losing Marinette at the same time...he wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle it.

Nathalie’s quiet response startled Adrien out of his spiral, “Is this about your father, Adrien?”

“F-father? No...I know father...is busy. This is about someone else.”

Nathalie gave him a pained look, “I suppose I’d try to talk to them then.”

“She won’t listen.” Adrien huffed, “I’ve tried over and over to talk to her but...” Suddenly he didn’t even know if he was talking about Marinette or Ladybug.

“Is there any way you can get her in a situation where she’d feel comfortable to talk to you?”

Adrien narrowed his eyes in shame, “Shes never been comfortable around me, but I at least...thought we were friends.”

Nathalie pushed her glasses up on the bridge of her nose, “She is probably uncomfortable sharing because it’s something personal to her. I’m not saying this will work Adrien, but try to share something with her...”

Adrien looked up at Nathalie. Could that work? Maybe Marinette would feel comfortable sharing her feelings if Adrien told her something that put them on even ground...

But could he do that? Was it worth it?

He knew, he knew what he wanted to tell her, but...

“I can’t.” Adrien sighed, there was no going back from that. He’d have to give up his miraculous and...

Ladybug had seemed better without him these days. Did she even need him anymore? All he did was get in the way it seemed...

Before he knew it the car door was opening for him. He stepped out. He noticed blue pigtails making their way into the school.

He gulped, could he really...?

Walking into Lycee, and then Bustier’s class he caught a glimpse of her.

Eyes void of emotion.

No classic Marinette smile.

No anger either...

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

He felt his heart squeeze in his chest. ‘Please Marinette, please...’

Classes dragged on. Adrien watched Marinette like a hawk. He watched her eat alone, ignoring anyone around her, watched her push away her closest friend, watched her deadpan face as she sat in lectures...

When the final bell rang, something in him knew, ‘There is no going back now.’

He watched Marinette pack up. Everyone else filtered out the door. Alya gave him an odd look, and then looked to Marinette. He motioned for her to go and gave her a reassuring smile. Her face feel and she reluctantly left with Nino.

Adrien glanced at Marinette, he could still remember the girl who was once full of life and emotion. He would do anything to have that girl back. He suddenly realized—

“Marinette?” Adrien asked, beckoning her to come closer. She hesitantly agreed, seemingly weighing the pros and cons of listening to Adrien. “I have something to tell you.”

“What?” Marinette deadpanned, as if she couldn’t care less.

“Uhm, it might be easier if I show you actually...” Adrien looked around quickly to make sure nobody was watching. He whispered, “Claws out.”

Only a flicker of shock came from Marinette as Adrien transformed into Chat Noir. He looked at her and watched her face turn stone cold.

She held her hand out, “Why would you tell me this? Now you can never have that ring again.”

“W-what?!” Adrien sputtered, why was that her reaction? “Marinette please— I just shared to you my secret, I trust you. Please know that...you can trust me too, with whatever you’re going through.”

“I’m fine,” she glared, “I am disappointed in you though.”

“Marinette?! What?! Why?”

“How could you give up your power for something so trivial?! Why would you reveal your secret to me for no reason?” She sneered.

Adrien began to get frustrated, he felt tears well up in his eyes, “Because you’re more important than a stupid ring!” He blurted out, thrusting his miraculous to the floor.

Now detransformed, he cried, not meeting Marinette’s eyes, “Please Marinette...we all miss you, can’t you just let me help?”

“You just gave up your chance to save the thousands of people in Paris. Do you not believe their lives and the threat of Hawkmoth is important?”

“You’re still on about my miraculous?!” Adrien seethed, “Marinette...why?! Why...?” He broke down, sliding onto the floor.

Marinette watched, devoid of emotion, her former partner sob on the floor, mourning her own loss. She took in a breath, feeling no remorse whatsoever.

“Adrien Agreste, former wielder of the cat miraculous, I beseech you of your destruction powers.” Marinette said, grabbing his ring from the floor.

“W-what?” He asked. Then a pause, “You’re Ladybug...aren’t you?”

Marinette narrowed her eyes at him, “I must erase your memories of the miraculous now that you have given up your powers.”

“Marinette— Ladybug! Wait! Please...” Adrien softened, “If you’re going to take away my memories can you at least tell me...why have you been acting like this?”

Marinette shut her eyes, “I became a true holder.”

Adrien shot up from the ground, “Y-you...y-you gave up your soul?!” He tore at his hair, “How could you do something so irresponsible?! What made you such a good Ladybug was your compassion! What made you Marinette was your boundless positivity! How could you give that up?!”

“The only thing that matters for Paris is defeating Hawkmoth. I thought Chat Noir knew that.”

“But it shouldn’t come at the cost of you! We wanted to save everyone in Paris that includes you Marinette!”

“I don’t need saving. I am Ladybug.”

“You gave up your emotions, your heart, your personality.” Adrien remarked, “You aren’t Ladybug anymore...”

Marinette frowned and furrowed her eyebrows, “You can’t possibly hope to understand it seems. This power is greater than you and greater than me.”

“No...” Adrien said, “It isn’t.”

“You will not listen to reason,” Marinette chastised, “I must remove your memories now.”

Adrien sighed, “Marinette...”

She began to pull out her guardian book, flipping to the spell she needed. She glared up at Adrien once finding it. “I hope you know what you gave up.”

“I hope you know what you gave up, Marinette.” Adrien breathed, “I hope one day you realize that love...emotions...your soul is worth more than you think. You are worth so much more.”

“Goodbye Adrien.”

[rachetmath]

What would it be like if rwbyjnor met the dutch, revy and rock

I don't understand the specifics of this request so I'll do this in the best way I can. This going to be long so be ready.

Rwby x Black lagoon

Black Lagoon crosses to Remnant:

Revy and Dutch along with team RWBY, Ren and Nora are fight a bunch of Beowolves while Jaune and Rock are fighting side by side with mostly Jaune doing most of the work while Rock provides a view tips and assisting mostly with what he can find.

Revy: So, let me get this straight you fight shit heads freaks of nature like these like every single day?

Ruby: Yep.

Dutch: And all of you have a very specific weapon that you customize yourselves to be it a blade and firearm?

Ren: Precisely.

Benny: And you have unnatural and natural resources like dust and with highly advanced technology?

Weiss: Yes.

Dutch: And you can use all that as well as this thing called aura along with a semblance?

Nora: Yeah, semblances are like a superpower.

Revy: How super?

Yang: Universal.

Revy: Well-

Revy looks to see Ruby turn her weapon from a sniper rifle to a scythe.

Revy: Dutch, can we stay here?

Dutch: HELL NO!!! Look, I hate to say this, but I much prefer seeing crazy psychos, and bullets fly than this horror fest. Plus, I may not be father but ya'll parents let you do this every day, they are very stupid and irresponsible.

Yang: Hey we're trained for this. Well except one.

Revy: Yeah that guy with Rock over there. He is doing fine but I can tell he's not all your levels. How did even survive let only get into your school?

Ruby: That we don't know or bother asking as long he works.

Revy: Well I can say that it's stupid but I still I wonder how he got in.

*Jaune and Rock side*

Rock: So, let’s get this straight. Your father never bothered to train you and no combat school was willing to accept you, so your best method was to cheat?

Jaune: Yeah, I know, I'm a complete fool.

Rock: I mean if you were willing to work hard to get there despite the risk, I say, you sir have my respect.

Jaune: But I am an idiot, I mean, I lost the only girl you who believed in me.

Rock: Jaune, let me give you a piece of advice. Get over yourself! If you still have even just one friend in this crazy messed up world then you're okay. Trust me, I know a little on how you feel. I mean look me compared to the others, do I look like I'm a mercenary?

Jaune: Why do hang out with them anyways?

Rock: Like you with your friends, mines, I guess appreciate my abilities. Look let's talk about this another time and try to survive this freak show.

Jaune: Deal.

RWBY and JNRO crosses to Black Lagoons:

Team RWBY and JNPR are fighting a mafia group along with Revy and Dutch. Ruby armed with a handgun, an old scythe and sniper with a bayonet, Weiss with a rapier and little knifes, Blake with a handgun and a katana, Yang with a shotgun and iron brazed knuckles, Jaune with an military armed shield, sword and rifle(Dutch taught him how to use it. Surprised it took him a week.) Nora with a grenade launcher, Ren dual wielding pistols and knives and Oscar with a pipe.

Revy: Holy crap, you brats are good even without your powers or usual weapons.

Ruby: We adapt.

Nora: Seriously, you guys do stuff like this every day?

Dutch: For the right price, yes. But yeah, you kids on a natural.

Yang: By the way, thanks for teaching Jaune how to use a gun.

Dutch: Thank Rock for making him listen, he said he wouldn't last long if he didn't. But in all seriously the guy learns quick, I mean, it took him a week to learn how you use that rifle.

Ren: A week! We need to start teaching him and make sure he brings one more often.

Nora: Might makes things easier from here on.

Jaune: Can all of stop talking and focus! We'll talk when we're done. Oscar, hurry up.

Oscar: Oh, I'm sorry but fighting with a pipe is hard!

Jaune: Why didn't you bring a sword!

Oscar: I will not kill!

After a crazy battle, the group along with Rock and Benny celebrated their victory at the bar. While the girls, as well as Ren and Oscar was living it up with Revy, Benny and Dutch, at the front bar Jaune and Rock were talking after Rock told him a stories about how his employers sold him out, the hell he endured in his stay Roanaper, Yukio, and his old client Garcia.

{Rock's side}

Jaune: Damn.

Rock: Yeah.

Jaune: Well, you did what you had to.

Rock: But I didn't have to. I should've walk away and not attached. I'm supposed to be the good guy, Jaune. But this city, I feel like it's eating me alive. All these mafia bosses, war criminals and shit... it's all just getting to me. You know.

Jaune: Yeah, I understand, but what are going to do about it? you made the choice to stay and you got live with it. I mean, hearing all the crap you've done, I somewhat envy you.

Rock: What do you mean?

Jaune: When Chang said pull out, you went in. Every time something bad happens you try to be the good guy and make things better. True it fails at times and from the look of this city, you'll have no choice but to throw righteousness away to survive.  But in my opinion, you still at least stand as the hero of the story.

Rock: *laugh* How so!? Come on tell me, how can I, a piece of under burying shit can possible still be a hero to you. The worthless knight, who can barely fight and couldn't save his partner!?

Jaune: Exactly. Most people survive based on luck.  You on the other hand survived not just on what you know but what learn in return. The world's a crazy place, and most of time you don't know where you'll end up. However, you still have control of what you do next. Your still able to keep people alive. You still do your job. You still try to be nice and maintain some level of morality even if it may never be enough or get you killed. So, trust me when I say this, you have done all what you could. Hell, I barely can do anything.

Rock: Shut up. When it comes down to it your friends are as crazy and trigger happy as Revy. They need somebody like you who can keep them alive. Just keep trying to do right by them and for yourself. Trust me, you can talk down to yourself all you want. But it doesn't change the fact that your alive, you made mistakes and you change. Promise you won't go down how I did, because believe me once you go too far in the darkness you may never come back from it. Or at least not be the same person you were before.  

Jaune: Yeah. Plus, that Revy woman, I think you can trust her to help you back up or shoot you down when you have gone too far.

Rock: Really? How come?

Jaune: She talks about you all the time when she's drunk. She saves you even when you deserve to die for being stupid. And finally, she hasn't killed you yet despite the many times you've pissed her off.

Rock: Speaking of women, which one of those lovely ladies is your girlfriend?

Jaune: Funny I was about ask you the same between Revy and the blonde, named, Eda.

Rock: *laughing* To the C.M.F.?

Jaune:  To the C.M.F *Shared a toast with Rock and started drinking*

{Revy Side}

Ruby: So, Revy?

Revy: What is it little red?

Ruby: Are you and Rock dating?

Revy: *cracks glass cup while blushing* W-w-WHAT!? NO!! Of course not. Why the hell would you ask that?

Nora: You look at him a lot.

Blake: You talk to him the most.

Yang: An unlike most, you call him your partner.

Revy: Well yeah cause he's useful. That’s all. Nothing special.

Weiss: Really, cause when you got drunk last time, we asked you about him, you got an attitude and started talking crazy.

Revy: Oh.

Yang: So how-

Revy: We started off at the wrong foot and we're just making up as we go.

Yang: Well that's great and-

Revy: Can't say the same thing for you guys and your friend Jaune, though.

Nora: Pardon?

Revy: I'm just saying, don't think you know everything about your friend, hell I don't think he cares about any of you.

Blake: *angry glare* What makes you say that?

Revy: Well let’s be clear here. Jaune was loser with dreams, he was willing to make those dreams a reality, no matter the price he didn't know he'll have to pay. And guess what, the debt was do and it caused Pyrrha her life.

Yang: Maybe so but-

Revy: And before you all start giving him praise for what he accomplished, let me ask you something. How did he feel afterwards? I mean, losing the only person to ever provide with some sort of love and respect, a family that never believed in once in his life, I say the kid must been a loser for a long time. And if him and his Sapphron were the only two to ever bother to leave the nest, then that proves that the rest of his siblings are just good for nothing nobodies who scared of the world, or just found more meaning in their lives without having to leave the comfort of their home. Face it, like Rock, your friend got something to prove and he's willing to do whatever it takes to prove himself to everyone. Even if it causes him his life and his humanity.

Ruby: No. No, we won't-

Revy: And what are you people going to do? Hold his hand? Give him those morally great speeches of yours? Pathetic. Just like your friend Pyrrha who died a meaningless death for worthless, foolish old man, who could barely do the job he's was given by god himself.

RWBYN: *angry at Revy comment but grows to accept it*

Ren was about to start threatening however Dutch stops him by reestablishing that one shot can turn the bar into a war zone and showing Ren that Revy always has her trigger finger ready. So, Ren does nothing.

Revy: Face it, you guys aren't capable of saving him. But what do I know, I'm no hero nor do I want to be? The only guy I seem to care about is changing and I don't know how he's going to turn out. To think that I might have to shoot him down someday. But fuck it, that’s just of missed up every world is.

Dutch: Wow Revy you changed.

Revy: What?

Benny: You act less bitchy than you were before and now you’re a little more open with others. Rock must have touched your heart.

Revy: Shut up, Benny. *looking red all over her face*

Everyone laughs at her embarrassment.

Revy: Oh, shut the fuck up you cunts! Hm. Anyways which one you are dating that knight in shining armor anyways since you're all worried about him?

Nora: I already got a boyfriend.

Revy: You mean twinkle toes right there. Mr. Emmo.

Nora: You must want to fight.

Revy: Anyone?

RWBY: Nope.

Revy: *makes a call*

Eda: Hey bitch, what do want?

Revy: Hey Eda do you like blondes? Because I got an average looking-

Eda barges in with her short green skirt and pink top shirt on. She looks at Revy, knowing what she wants, Revy points to Jaune with Rock and Eda makes her. She walks with hips swaying from side to side and sit between Rock and Jaune.

Rock: *surprised* Eda, what are doing here? When you did you get here?

Eda: Oh, Rock honey, I’m just taking advantage of my opportunities. *Sees Jaune staring in amazement. She smiles* Say, I heard rumors about you and your blonde friend right here and was wondering if you two would have some-

Revy and Weiss both break their glasses and make their way over.

Revy and Weiss: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM YOU CUNT!!!

Revy surprised how Weiss and she were in complete sink and while she smug, Weiss was embarrassed.

Revy: Oh, so you like him like that.

Weiss: *grabs Jaune by the arm and pulls him away* EVERYONE! WE ARE LEAVING!

Jaune: But Weiss I finally found someone I can talk!

Weiss: YOU’LL PLENTY OF PEOPLE TO TALK TO ONCE WE GET HOME!!

Jaune: But Weiss- damn it, later Rock. See you someday.

Rock: God speed brother and remember everything I told you.

Jaune: You as well and good luck.

A bright light was opened and just like that the kids disappeared. Back to their universe. Revy and Rock were smiling but Rock, remembering what Jaune said about trust, ask Revy

Rock: Revy?

Revy: What up, partner?

Rock: Let’s say, I things took too far and made an enemy of someone who would want me killed. Will you be there to kill me instead? Even if you were paid to do so, will be there to stop me?

Revy: *smiles but then covers Rocks eyes so he never sees it* Of course. I got you into this, so you’re my responsibility. Partner.

Rock: *smiles* Thanks.

[thebestestboyo]

How Remus Started Working For Patton: Part Four

Tw: Remus being Remus/Swearing/mention of snakes but only for a moment

Masterpost

"Wow, I expected an old warehouse, or perhaps even a shady bar. This is... hilarious." The remark didn't come from Remus, no, this time it came from Virgil.

The group had stopped outside of a quaint-looking bakery, the shimmery blue and yellow sign reading 'Down With The Pastryarchy.' Virg was right though, it didn't seem to fit the vibe of 'gangster.' At least not to Remus. It was cute though! As in how a poison dart frog was cute before you realized it could kill you!

"First of all, warehouse?? Who would set up there? That's just irresponsible! How would you even heat such a large area?? Secondly, have you been inside one? Its just so loud!" Dee stepped inside, letting the others follow.

"For your information, I have been inside a bar. Probably for different reasons than you, ya overgrown garden snake."

"Excuse me! I'm not always up to no good!"

"The news would say differently."

"Society has never portrayed those who work outside its crippling boundaries as good. As you probably don't know Mr. Gloom Sky."

Pat butted into the tussle, wagging a finger at both of the men. "Now now, there's no need to be throwing names around. Its not very sweet of you two."

Those in question turned to look at him, this bubble of sunshine, and at least had some decency to look ashamed. Virgil could at least understand why Demetrius had warned that Patton was a force to be reckoned with.

Remus in the meantime, was laughing. Wait. Why was he laughing???

"That was a good pun. You know, considering the setting?"

Smiling up at him, Pat squeezed his cheek playfully. "I didn't think you'd catch that!"

"Well, I had to cake a chance! It clearly paid off," God Patton was cute. Remus was about to rattle off several more puns before Virgil elbowed his side, cutting him off.

"Less flirting, more getting to the point."

Blushing furiously, Remus swatted at Virgil, both for elbowing him and eluding to potential romantic feelings between him and Patton. Seriously, not everything he said to Pat was flirting!

Ok he was kinda flirting.

Just a little though! He wasn't about to rush anything! Especially when he hadn't asked Patton how he felt on the anatomies of several creatures, and the different ways in which you could steal someone's eye! How would he know if Patton was good for him until then?

For the umpteenth time that morning, Remus's thoughts were cut off, this particular time by Dee. Butts on a fish, he needed to chose a different time for his internal monologues.

"Come then if you're so desperate to find out. The entrance is this way."

Opening a door labeled 'employees only,' he seemed to...descend? Wait what?

A sudden grip on his arm was the only warning before Pat pulled him and Virgil in after, giggling. "You guys will love it! We worked so hard on it!"

"I find that hard to believe..."

This time it was Remus who elbowed Virgil, afraid of him upsetting Patton. "I'm sure it will be great Pat Pie!"

Virg groaned at yet another pun, but let the two of them be dragged down the stairs. It was surprising how they managed to fit this spiral staircase so seamlessly into the bakery, no surprise why someone hadn't found out their base yet. It was hiding in plain sight as far as anyone could tell.

Dee, further up ahead, called back to them, his voice echoing from the tall ceiling needed to fit in the staircase. "Pat, remember the trick step. They don't know about it."

"Oh! Right. Guys, hop over this next one ok?"

"Why would we need to-" Virgil made his mistake of not heeding Dee's warning, being thrown back by the step sliding out from beneath him. "Motherfu-"

"-By the sounds of idiocy I assume he didn't listen." Dee turned back to them, clearly hiding a smile as Remus supported Virgil, only to have the step beneath HIM slide into the wall as well. Before Virgil could snap back at him, all the steps were pushed back into the wall, resulting in all three of them falling the short distance to the ground.

"Oh I like this." Chuckling, Remus helped Patton to his feet with a flourish, before pulling up Virgil as well.

"This is some tomb raider bullshit, I'm calling it out right now."

His smirk all too clear on his face, Dee gestured to a lever right next to where the stairs had been. "No, tomb raider bullshit as you so eloquently call it, would be this lever sending you into a pit of snakes."

Eyes wide, Remus could hardly contain his delight at the prospect. "Does it send us into a pit of snakes??"

"Unfortunately, no. Just into a pit. Snakes wouldn't live well down there, there's no source of food or heat for them to thermoregulate their body temperatures."

Patton turned to face him, voice full of concern as he reached for Remus's hand again. "Plus, what if we fell on them! The poor snakes might get hurt!"

"You are right...but think about how cool it would be!"

"But snakes!"

"Ok, what about...a tank full of jellyfish? They'd have water and the water would stop the jellyfish from getting hurt!" Remus was surprised that Patton so easily took his hand, but it made him feel all fuzzy inside, the good kind. It was very unlike when you got a mouth full of raccoon fur.

Don't...don't ask.

As the two debated the moral complications of jellyfish compared to snakes and eventually to electric eels, Virgil deadlocked his gaze on Demetrius. If glaring could kill, he would have been dead where he stood. Unluckily for Virgil, he just smirked back at him in turn, continuing to lead the group to wherever they seemed to be going. At this point, he couldn't tell.

God what he would do to wipe that stupid look off of his face. It was unfair. He couldn't be hot AND evil! That was just cruel!

And he still had his stupid jacket off, showing his stupid muscular arms, and his stupid face with it's stupid grin was just making the situation worse, and it was all STUPID.

"Take a picture punk. It'll last longer."

"I'm just waiting for you to finally show us this place you've been droning of for the past thirty minutes. It feels like I've been forced to follow you for hours already."

"Don't worry Dark and Stormy, we're already here."

With that, he opened a door into one of the biggest rooms they'd ever seen. Wasn't this underground?? How did it have such a high ceiling?

And it was filled with people who Virgil would normally avoid. They all had that look about them, like if you looked at them wrong, they'd fuck you up. These were the king of people Remus tended to piss off when he was drunk and made everyone in the nearby vicinity regret him doing so.

"We're back you punks!" Dee called out to the group, smiling? Of course he was smiling. He was a gangster.

"Hey welcome back boss! And hello Patton!"

"Who are these two?"

"Where ya been? Normally you're not out so early!"

"These guys new members?"

Honestly it was kinda a lot for Virgil. Remus on the other hand was thrilled about this. They all had something chaotic about them! One of them had a sword??? Who the fuck fights with a sword!? Another was carrying what looked like a jar of live bees? Remus didn't know!!!

"These are visitors. Don't rough them up too much. Patty likes them."

"Dee!" Pat's cheeks tinted pink, clearly embarrassed at being called out. He didn't let go of Remus's hand though like he thought he would, instead tucking himself into Ree's side. Holy fuck. He was using Remus to hide in?? That was a first for him.

"Sorry, this is Patton's...friend, and the friend of Patton's friend." Cheekily, he and Pat exchanged a glance that Ree was too slow to interpret. But it made Pat's face turn even more red, so Remus assumed it was an inside joke or something.

Virgil in the meantime seemed thrown off by how domestic the inside of the base seemed, and being honest, he couldn't blame him. They both assumed it was much less...pleasant? Was that the word? No, there had to be more more suitable for this odd situation....

Calm! It was calm. God Patton was making him feel dizzy from all the sudden affection or something, usually he was better at this!

Remus looked down at the smaller man now cuddling into his side, sighing softly and unclasping their hands to set the overcoat he had brought with him around his shoulders. "You cold or something Pat?" He was ignoring Dee's comment from before, as it clearly was rubbing Patton the wrong way.

"Oh! Um, yes, a little! Thank you." Both of them played into the white lie, brushing it off to make him feel more comfortable. But perhaps Patton wasn't hiding in Remus just from the embarrassment...

Virgil cleared his throat from behind them, reminding the two that Dee had been waiting for them still.

Pat still kept the coat around his shoulders nevertheless, as they all packed into Dee's office.

"So. Remus."

"And me." Virgil interjected, sitting on the arm of couch that faced Dee's desk.

"And Virgil. You're probably confused as to why I made Remus a member of the gang."

"Uh yeah dimwit, you really had to drag us this far just to tell us this?"

Pat frowned at him, going over to sit on the desk near Dee. "That's not particularly nice of you to say."

"Sorry Patton. But I'm serious. This could have gone a lot faster." Virg couldn't believe himself. He was apologizing to the co-leader of a gang?? Just because he gave off disappointed dad vibes did not mean that he was completely trustworthy.

"I thought it best to reveal my hand, so to speak. You do know that telling the authorities about us would be unwise, due to the vast amount of resources we have. It would be a pain to have to move locations and change identities after we've set up shop here."

"So...this is a threat."

"Not necessarily. It's an invitation. For Remus specifically. He doesn't have to participate in our business, I just thought he'd appreciate being able to freely talk with Patton, and being part of our association helps with that."

Remus was...a tad shocked at this news. He was put into a gang...to be able to flirt cause havoc with Patton?

As if he could read his thoughts, Dee waved a hand dismissively. "While normally this doesn't happen, I decided to make it an exception. Originally, you, Virgil, weren't a part of the plan, but as you are Remus's roommate, I wanted to cover my bases."

"Don't tell me you're gonna pierce my ear as well."

"I doubt I could even try without losing a finger. The only reason I did it to Remus was because I was in a hurry."

Pat swung his legs gently as they talked, looking over at Ree for his reaction. It was, intrigued to say the least, Remus seemed to be pretty open to most things. Was that a strength or a downfall of his? Patton couldn't tell. But he did enjoy the coat around his shoulders, smiling to himself as he tucked into it.

Maybe this one would work?

And maybe he'd make a new friend as well! Virgil seemed nice, if not a bit guarded. He supposed that was to be expected, it's not every day that you get told your friend (best friend?) is now a member of a gang that controls half the city.

The words between his brother and Virgil grew muddled, as Patton daydreamed what this meant. It was a little shocking for him to find Remus calling his attention, snapping his fingers from the spot he had taken next to Virgil.

It was enough to get Patton back into reality, and to hear that Dee was asking him a question. "Pat were you listening? I asked what you thought about Virgil being allowed in as well."

"Oh! Sorry Dee Dee, just caught up in some thoughts! Sure Virgil can come in, maybe he can try some of your baked goods!"

Pat had seen the way his brother kept looking at Virg, so he thought he'd...well, help him out a little. Even if it resulted currently in an embarrassed Dee in the meantime. Sorry!

"Wait were you the one to come up with the idea of having your super bad gang cover being a pastry shop??" Virgil grinned mischievously at this new information, and Patton could tell that it lessened the stigma about Dee, at least a little bit.

"Not completely! I just thought it might be a good cover, and Pat had already come up with the name! What was I supposed to do???"

"That's rich! The snake in the grass bakes?"

"Wha- no!!!"

Glancing back over to Remus, Pat was delighted to find him cackling at the chaos Pat had created.

Perhaps this would become their new normal? If it did, Pat definitely wouldn't mind.

-Just an author's note-

Sorry it took so long to finally get to this point! I wasn't expecting the buildup to last four chapters 😅There will certainly be more backstory and action as I write this, so I apologise for how slow it is

Thanks for sticking around through it though! I really appreciate it

[1lymark]

yellow paint blues || renjun

→ summary: a few hours before renjun needs to submit his art project, he realizes that he’s run out of yellow paint. luckily, you’re there to help (or not.) → genre: fluff, humor, college!au → words: 3.2K → a/n: dedicated to mary, my lovely patron. as always, this got way out of hand and got longer than i anticipated. i hope you enjoy!

Renjun had thought that the art course would be an easy A. He hadn’t needed the easy A to begin with anyway––his grades in every other course were beyond stellar, so most people would probably assume that he was doing it to pass time or to gain extra credits. Or so, that was what he wanted people to assume.

In reality, he had signed up for the course because you had wanted to. It wasn’t like you asked him to accompany him; he recalled you mentioning the course in passing a week before registration and somehow, that little comment had wormed its way to the forefront of his mind as he clicked “ADD COURSE” to his already packed schedule.

“Should be easy enough,” he assured himself, patting his own shoulder in untimely congratulations as he thought of the extra three hours in a week that he would get to hang out with you. After all, Renjun’s art skills weren’t shabby, so surely this could not go wrong in any way possible.

He forgot, in his hubris, about the tantalizing taste that procrastination had to offer. The sweet nectar that he had yet to conquer in all his years of education had once again enticed him like a fly to a fire. It was inevitable, and yet… how could he have been so blind?

So there he was, in his room at one in the morning, with more paint on his fingers than he had on his canvas. The blank surface taunted him in his mind, laughing hysterically at the cruel fate he had assigned to himself in the name of love.

The project should have been simple enough: it was a self-expression piece, wherein the objective was to present what makes them happiest. His professor was lenient to the point of negligent, allowing her students to use any medium they pleased for this first assignment. Macaroni and glue, string and popsicle sticks, scrap paper with a drunken doodle… She was open-minded to anything under the sun. However, the thing about Renjun was that he was an overachiever to a fault, so even though he could’ve theoretically slapped a Spotify playlist together on a CD and called it a day, he simply was not spiritually able to hand in anything less than perfect.

So of course Renjun chose to paint for his first project. Painting wasn’t even his strongest suit, but he wanted to challenge himself, or so he said when he had loudly announced that to you almost a week ago.

A week ago. He had an entire week to finish, with no other pressing assignments or tests in between, and yet he still found himself in this predicament. Thus was the fate of unending suffering that every university student must face.

You had texted him a few hours ago, asking to see a picture of his work. Despite your excitement to take this course, you had always been a bit self-conscious about your art pieces, though you have never expressed this to anyone. Renjun could see it in the way that you would close in on yourself when people ask to see your work, quickly redirecting the conversation elsewhere once people have their eyes off of you.

Not him though––you always showed each other your works. It made Renjun’s heart race just a little bit every time you exposed this side of yourself, and so he made a promise to always give you any sort of reassurance you might need.

Unfortunately for this time, he was a bit too busy trying not to drown in his own irresponsibility to answer you properly when you had texted.

to: renjunnie from: y/n-chi

hey!! how’s your project holding up? can i see yours? i finished mine just now and idk if i’m happy with it tbh…

to: y/n-chi from: renjunnie

not… going well… send reinforcements… T_T i think i’m gonna rot now…

to: renjunnie from: y/n-chi

eh??? the infallible huang renjun is suffering??? from a first year art assignment??? someone call the catholics, because i think the rapture is coming

to: y/n-chi from: renjunnie

y/n don’t be mean >:( this is srs!! i think i have inhaled enough paint fumes to fail a drug test by now

to: renjunnie from: y/n-chi

tsk. that’s what you get for procrastinating, babe. sending my thoughts and prayers!! txt me updates so i know you don’t die from paint ingestion ^^

If you weren’t so god damn cute, he would have smothered you (with his love) by now. Even if you didn’t know it, your texts had given him enough motivation to get something on the canvas, even though none of his drafts seemed to be good enough at the moment.

What was it that made Renjun happy, anyway? He liked listening to music, but that was as generic as it gets… Who didn’t like music? He also liked reading and travelling, though those don’t seem to be too appealing to paint either. Some of his friends had joked that he should just paint a bunch of Moomin, so that he wouldn’t really need to paint because it would mostly be white anyway.

Those things just seemed too shallow for him. While they were things that he enjoyed, he wouldn’t want to be that guy who showed up to class with a half-assed doodle and some stupid explanation like “happiness is what you make of it.” No, he would be better than that.

There was something quite obvious that he could use for his project, or rather, someone. It would be too embarrassing though––not that he was embarrassed of you, by any means. He just wasn’t brave enough to do it, not yet at least. Someday, he’ll have the heart to tell you his feelings, but for now… he was stuck with a blank canvas and an emptier mind.

The clock read 3:30AM when Renjun had decided to throw all his morals to the wind and just paint a field of sunflowers out of desperation. He thought that if all else failed, maybe he would submit that and say something about how he remembered going to a place like that in his childhood. It would be a complete lie, since his family hardly went out to nature spots like that, but at least you would like the painting. Sunflowers were your favorite, after all.

Halfway through his painting however, he realized that his tube of yellow paint was looking awfully empty. He squeezed it as much as he could, scrapping it out as much of the remaining paint as physically possible.

“Crap,” he moans out, looking at his half-colored canvas forlornly. There were still at least six sunflowers to be painted, though he had already painted most of the background. This couldn’t do; he had no time to start over. The art supply shop didn’t open until at least 9AM, but his classes start shortly after that. There was no way he could pull this off at this rate. Unless…

He reached for his phone from his table, almost tripping over his easel in his haste to grab it. He knew you were an early riser, though he doubted you’d be awake even at this ungodly hour. He just hoped to whatever entity up in the clouds that you would pick up your phone and not start cussing him out for ruining your sleep. Though it was hard to imagine you getting mad at him for anything, as he knew you always had a bit of a soft spot for him.

To his relief, you answered on the fifth ring.

“Hello?” You murmured quietly, voice still sounding rough with sleep. Renjun could hear you smacking your lips sleepily, the mental image of it all eliciting a grin on his face. He wanted to know how you looked right now, with your impossibly cute bedhead and droopy eyes.

“Y/N? You awake?”

You yawned, the sound of rustling sheets accompanying your reply. “I am now, I guess. It’s… 4AM? What gives? You don’t normally wake this early. Unless…”

“Yup,” Renjun sighed, head hanging in defeat. “Kinda haven’t slept all night. The project isn’t coming along too well.”

“Aww,” you cooed. Renjun perked up a little at your tone.

Then, “Tough shit.”

Renjun flinched at that, staring wide-eyed at his phone before returning it to his ear. “Excuse me?”

“Well, if you hadn’t been goofing off the entire week before, you wouldn’t be in this mess, would you? Now excuse me… I have another two hours of sleep before my alarm is supposed to go off, so I’ll see you later! Peace,” was all you said before promptly hanging up.

The room was silent as Renjun stood in the middle of his room, shocked beyond all belief. Was that really you that he had just spoken to? Where was the kind, empathetic friend he had come to know and love? Perhaps lack of sleep really does change a person for the worse.

Undeterred by your rejection, Renjun decided to head over to your house anyway. Was he probably going to get his ass handed to him for disturbing you even more? Probably. Was he willing to face the consequences of your fiery wrath? Absolutely. Was he going to enjoy getting berated by you as he stared, lovestruck, at your cute pajamas and angry, puffy eyes? Undoubtedly.

Luckily, your house was only a few blocks away, although Renjun still ran all the way because he was (maybe, slightly, on a little bit) afraid of the dark. So what if he screamed a little when a cat jumped out of some trashcans? No one saw, and that was all that mattered.

He arrived at your place in record time, the dark window panes indicating that you were still, in fact, asleep. He tried opening the door to no avail, not being able to find the spare key you used to place under the mat. With no other option in sight, there was one last thing he could do…

Tap. Tap. Tap.

There was something tapping incessantly against your window for a couple minutes now. At first, you had ignored the sound completely, assuming that it was the first drops of rain before a storm. After a while, you began to realize that rain did not sound like that, and it reminded you more like a finger tapping or knocking. That was impossible though, because you lived on the second floor of a shared house. Surely, it wasn’t what you thought it was––

Before you could contemplate further, you phone started to ring for the second time that night, and the pieces of the puzzle immediately fall into place. It was him, that fucking bastard. Grumbling loudly, you grasped your phone against your ear, a chain of swears tumbling out of your lips quicker than any seasoned rapper out there.

“Wait, Y/N! Lemme explain—“

“Renjun, I swear if I go downstairs right now and find you throwing pebbles at my window to disrupt my sleep even further, you better believe I’m calling the cops on you, friend or not!”

“I just need yellow paint!” He cried out, loud enough that you can hear him from outside. You hiss at him to keep quiet, worried that his noise would also wake up your roommates.

“No, Renjun! You have to learn to be more responsible! You can’t always expect things to go your way without proper preparation! 4.0 GPA or not, I’m not letting you keep doing this––hold on,” you paused, stopping mid-sentence. There had been loud thunk just outside your bedroom wall. There was a suspicious lack of response on Renjun’s end, though you can hear his heavy breathing through the speakers. You slipped out of your covers, padding your way to the window. You peered over, squinting blearily at the darkness of the night.

“Renjun? What are you––“ You gasped before finishing, slamming open the windows and letting the cool breeze gently brush your face. The sight before you was not as great as the wind, though. “Are you fucking crazy? Stop climbing before you get hurt!”

“Almost there,” Renjun grunted, his hands grasping tightly on your ledge. You watched in stunned silence as the gangly boy hoisted himself over and into your bedroom with the ease of someone who had done that at least a few times before. It took you a while before you could find your bearings as you stood, mouth agape, at the beaming boy now standing before you with neon green paint on his cheek.

“Hey,” he greets, smiling.

It took all the energy in your body to keep your hand from meeting his cheek (either to caress him or to slap him? No one was for certain.) “You could’ve fucking died.”

Renjun lifted both his arms into the air and shook his legs around. He shot you a cheeky look, faking contemplativeness. “I feel pretty alive, I would say. All limbs in working order, as far as I know.”

Oh my god. You were friends with a maniac!

“This is so unlike you,” you said. “You’re never this relentlessly annoying.”

“Well, you wouldn’t let me finish my urgent plea on the phone, so of course I had to take drastic measures! I’m gonna fail this GPA booster course, and then I’ll die, and then it’ll be your fault!” He said in one breath, grin never faltering. As his gaze flitted around the room, he noticed your finished project, sitting on your desk and covered in plastic to hide its contents from the world. “Ooh, is that your submission? can I see?”

You rushed over to it, hiding it behind your back with a huff. “Absolutely not! You lost all privileges from me the moment you called me up at 4AM! Now get out of my house before I really call the cops.”

He pouted, deflating visibly. “Okay, look… I know I’m being a prick right now, but you really gotta help me! I ran out of yellow paint and you’re the only person who can help me!”

You were not sure why, but hearing that reason coming from Renjun of all people was making your blood boil in anger. He went all this way to your house, throwing pebbles out your window like some cliché romcom protagonist, even climbing up a building, just to ask for fucking yellow paint?!

“Are you hearing yourself, Huang Renjun? I’m going to kill you!” You grabbed a few of the still open paint tubes by your desk, squeezing its contents all over his clothes in a fit of rage. He gasped, crying out in anguish as globs of blue and red marred the cute little Moomins on his shirt.

“You did not just do that!” He yelled, slapping the paint out of your hands. You were pretty shocked yourself, though you can’t help but giggle a little at how flabbergasted he looked.

“That’s what you get for being ridiculous, you stupid shit––hey, stop! Put down that cup of paint water now before I––NO!”

Murky black water splashes down your left cheek and onto your pajamas, the gross, cold sensation making you splutter out indignantly at the smirking boy. “Oh my god, you absolute bastard!”

It did not take long for the argument to dissolve into a full-blown paint fight as the two of you sprayed each other with every bit of available art supply in your room. Paint, brushes, pens, and markers were launched into the air, both of you screaming in both anger and delight as you hit the other with every type of projectile imagineable.

Renjun jumped across the bed, searching your bedside table for more ammo once you managed to hoard most of them on your side. It didn’t take long for him to find one of your unopened bottles of yellow paint, and he hooted in victory as he held it up in the air like a trophy.

“Yes, I found it! Ceasefire, Y/N! I got what I wanted!”

“And you think I’m supposed to stop just because you’re happy?” You screeched back, readying a large amount of black paint on one of your paintbrushes like a makeshift catapult. “Drop that paint bottle if you wanna live, Renjun!”

It was in that moment when one of your roommates suddenly barged in to the scene, her entire being blazing with heat as she furiously accessed the room. There you were, paint dripping from every inch of your body, with a similarly painted boy on the other side of your bed with a little 50mL bottle of yellow paint in his open fist. No one made a sound for a moment, afraid to explain what the hell you both were doing, until––

“I’m not even going to ask. Just shut up before I get you evicted,” Yeri growled, slamming the door with the frame rattling in her wake.

“Oh god, she’s going to kill me tomorrow,” you moaned, dropping the paintbrush and dropping your head against your newly painted bed. Not looking at him, you pointed your finger in his general direction, forcing him to stop as he tried to covertly escape through the window. “Don’t you dare move another muscle. You are helping me clean my room before class, or so help me I’ll paint angry eyebrows on all your Moomin plushies.”

That got him moving to help you quickly, at least. With the two of you working together instead of fighting, you managed to get all your bedsheets into the washer and most of the paint splatters removed from your walls and floor in record time. Thankfully there wasn’t much damage on your room, as you and Renjun were the main casualties of the paint war.

While the two of you finished up, you hadn’t realized that the sun had already begun its approach into the sky, meaning that it was time to get ready for class.

“Shit, I won’t be able to shower in time,” you whined, fruitlessly picking at the paint clumping your hair together. You gave Renjun the evil eye, who had the decency to look sheepish at least.

“Wait, hold that thought,” he said, grasping your hand in his as he appraised you with an odd look. His brows were furrowed, thinking deeply as he traced the strokes of yellow and blue on your cheeks, all the way to your neck. His proximity made the blood rush to your face, and you hoped that the paint was doing a good job covering your flush.

It was an odd sensation, feeling so aware of your friend’s presence. You never noticed how cute he looked until that moment, when he was so focused and thoughtful like this. He had always looked handsome to you, but for whatever reason, the dash of red on the corner of his lip never looked more enticing than it did then.

After a bit more staring, he smiled softly at you, tucking a bit of your hair behind your ear with the sort of gentleness that you have come to associate with him. Your stupid, funny, smart, lovable Renjun. The only boy that you could never stay mad at.

“I think I have my submission for my art project right here,” he said, simply and honestly.

You giggled a bit, not quite understanding. “Well, you got the yellow paint, right? Shouldn’t you head home and try to finish your painting before class starts? You got a bit of time, I think.”

He shook his head, cupping your face like something to be held. Like something to be admired. There was something blooming inside your chest; a field of sunflowers, all of them reaching towards the light right in front of you.

The sun grinned at you, and the sunflowers rejoiced. “Nah. I think I’m good. More than good.”  

[buddaimond]

Kristen Stewart is having a huge moment in her career with Charlie’s Angels coming to theaters in November and Underwater coming in January. But so far the 29-year-old has been focusing her energies on promoting her independent movie Seberg, the tragic story of American actress Jean Seberg whose life was essentially destroyed by late ‘60s FBI surveillance when she supported the Black Panthers and had an affair with one of their leaders. Stewart is keen to spread the word about Seberg on the 40th anniversary of her death at age 40.

In Venice, at the world premiere, she admitted “we should definitely know her for more than her short haircut and movies.” Stewart then moved on to the Toronto, Deauville and London Film Festivals. Though her biggest splash was made at the Zurich Film Festival, where she gave a Masterclass, a press conference, and where I sat down with her for an exclusive interview. Seberg comes out through Amazon in December.

COLLIDER: You seem to be doing more promotion for Seberg than Charlie’s Angels. Is there a reason for that?

KRISTEN STEWART: It’s funny you mention that as I was thinking about that this morning. Maybe it’s just been a minute since I was really proud of a smaller movie that I’ve done. I’d like people to see this one and unless you go to festivals and engage with the cinematic culture that could give you that opportunity to be seen, there’s no way to do that. So I support this movie, I think it’s good, and I think it’s a good time to tell the story. It’s been cool to travel with it because I also just love the festival vibe. I like traveling around and talking to people about movie stuff. It doesn’t feel like I’m selling a film. It feels like I’m supporting it and getting it out there for sure, but not in a way that it feels like my job. It’s a nice way to complete the experience of making a film. You get this opportunity to articulate the reasons why you made it and it completes the process.

How did you come to work on the film, which is the second film by Australian, London-based theatre director Benedict Andrews? It’s about the life of Jean Seberg but is not a straightforward biopic as it concentrates on the fraught period of her life.

STEWART: I spent a bit of time on the jury with Cate Blanchett in Cannes (2018) and I’d just met Beno and was thinking about working with him and she immediately said, “Do it!” She’d worked with him on stage, he’s done a lot of opera, a realm I knew very little about. His first film Una was so incredible and so contained, just an undeniably original movie. When we had our first meeting about Jean he felt so precious and particular and his protective nature felt really contagious and he made me want to get to know her. At that point I’d only seen Breathless and learning about the story I was wildly blown away by the fact that we don’t know what happened to her and why she receded and became somebody we lost too early.

Is it possible now for an actress or even a woman who is political to be blacklisted by the US government as Seberg was?

STEWART: No, I don’t think so. A lot of people are speaking against Trump, a lot of people are speaking against things they’re not into and they’re speaking very loudly. There are just too many of us now.

Seberg was also crucified because of her sexuality, for being with a black (married) man. Your life has been in the tabloids so you must be able to relate to that.

STEWART: Yes of course. I come from a staunchly moral country as if we all share those rules. As if there could possibly be a set of rules that applies to everyone and their own individual happiness, which is absurd. But at least we’re talking about it a little more than we ever have.

It’s actually a good time to be a woman in this business with #timesup.

STEWART: I think it’s such an exciting time to be a woman who’s allowed to make films right now. There are so many stories that are going to be unearthed that have otherwise been ignored for a long time. Not that some of those stories won’t be told by men. There will be a trickle down effect. Some of my favorite experiences have been with male directors. We’re just becoming more honest about the female experience and that’s very exciting.

How was it making Charlie’s Angels directed by Elizabeth Banks, who also plays Bosley in the film? Was it fun?

STEWART: It was really fun. Liz is really funny. It was her idea to revive the movies. I’d never worked with her before but I’ve always been a huge fan. Tonally we’re so different—she can squeeze a joke or a laugh out of anything and I’m the furthest from that. So I was so shocked that she saw me like that, like, “Hey you’re a goofball and I think we should play around together because nobody does that with you.” And I was like, “What? But you’re right, nobody ever does that with me.” So she got in there and it was this really tender act and I was so thankful and ultimately she wrote a really warm, grounded—also very silly, stupid, sometimes slapstick—but also really well-intentioned movie. It’s rad. She took this story we’ve grew up with and took the superhero aspect out if it and made the girls really relatable and accessible but also very aspirational. There’s this network of women across the globe who are connected and are really unstoppable. So it’s not like there are these three unattainable women who can fly or do kung fu while suspended in the air. No, these girls are actually smart and it’s about women who are friends and who are good people working together. It’s like a women-at-work story that’s also absurd sometimes. It didn’t lose the kitschy thing because she’s fucking silly.

Are you a goofball yourself?

STEWART: Mmm, sometimes.

Did you enjoy the comedy/action?

STEWART: My character is wily. I’m the really irresponsible older sister who takes care of these girls. Sabina would take a bullet for you but she never really knows what time it is or where she’s supposed to be. So it was fun to be just a dumb-ass.

Do you want to do more of the fun dumb-ass? I guess it has to be with exactly the right person like Ellzabeth?

STEWART: I would love to play around a little bit more. I like serious movies but yes of course.

You’ve directed a short film and a few music videos and now you’re about to direct your first feature The Chronology of Water based on the memoir by Portland-based writer Lidia Yuknavitch. Why has this story captured your imagination so much?

STEWART: It was such an incredible experience reading the book. Sometimes you encounter material that articulates something you aren’t able to yet feel within you and it’s striking as hell when someone does it for you. It’s an exceedingly cool time for women to tell stories right now, the perspective is changing and I thought this was so real. This woman is a brilliant writer and uses language and plays with words in a way that I’ve never seen before. Also there’s a coming-of-age story embedded in this thing that is so confronting and not just raw for the sake of being startling, but is actually real. I don’t think it’s impossible for the male perspective to tell epic female stories, it’s just that this is so embedded in this book about a woman processing pain and shame and repurposing it and creating art as savior. It’s sort of this art-as-savior and swimming-as-solace story. It’s a real-word, body-fuck story. The way she inhabits a body and the way she speaks about it is unlike anything I’ve ever read. So I want to see it; I’ve never seen that in a movie.

Are you writing the script or are you working on it together with Lidia?

STEWART: It’s definitely a collaborative process, but I’ve adapted it. It’s such a choose-your-own-adventure story. Whoever would have ended up making it, it has to be your own take on it. There’s so much to be had, it’s so non-linear, it’s so transient. It’s like water; it’s impossible to slip down the same stream.

Will you star in it or will you stay behind the camera?

STEWART: I’m not really right for it. Whoever plays the lead needs to play 17 to 40, so it’s a really wide range. I don’t know who that is at the moment. Hopefully I’m going to direct it next year.

With Twilight did you know how big it would become when you agreed to play Bella?

STEWART: The books were a big deal in the young adult novel realm, but it wasn’t in popular culture yet. I hadn’t heard of the book at that point and thought I was auditioning for a normal movie. It didn’t stand out as this gaping opportunity, it was just something that I liked. That was a cool audition process too. Catherine [Hardwicke] and I worked together for ages auditioning a bunch of other people for all the other parts. It was very normal—until it wasn’t.

What did you enjoy about playing Bella?

STEWART: When you read that book you are her. It’s such an immersive experience. So more so than with other parts the way to get close to it and make it feel true was to really own it and make it my own rather than be faithful to a text. I guess you can say that about most work, but this in particular was fun to be there. I was a teenager, it was such a visceral time to be alive and any 17-year-old knows what I’m talking about. It was just about capturing something so immediate, that first awakening, that ownership of your body and desire, all of it. It’s like having people tell you that it’s wrong and what you shouldn’t do. It’s a fierce commitment to something you believe in and was such a cool story to tell at that age.

You made five Twilight movies. Do you still see other cast members? Do you have a big WhatsApp group?

STEWART: We all have a group chat (jokes). But we all see each other, I run into people all the time. I can’t make it to Taylor’s Halloween party, which bums me out, I’m going to be in New York. Rob’s great, he’s doing well, he’s going to be Batman and I’m very proud of him. It’s nice. In terms of the group we’ve all disbanded now for so long. I have individual relationships with everyone, but it’s not this thing that you would assume binds us in this way where we go, “Remember that?” We’ve all become real whole people who still know each other. I’m really thankful for that.

[calenlily]

Thoughts on Kylara (and Lessa and women in Dragonflight-era Pern in general)

What’s up, friends, it’s meta rambling time.

I've always thought that Kylara, particularly as she was written in DF, was really interesting and had a lot of potential.

One of my least favorite things about McCaffrey's writing is her tendency towards virgin/whore dichotomies, and Kylara falls afoul of that, hard.

She's introduced in DF as a foil to Lessa, and she's a really good foil for Lessa. I feel like they're kind of dark mirrors of each other. Both of them are very strong-willed women, both of them are survivors, both of them are skilled manipulators, both of them are prideful and ambitious, and honestly both of them are pretty self-centered early in DF. Their biggest differences are that Kylara is hypersexual, having found her looks and her sexuality are her best tool for manipulating men, while Lessa's experiences have caused her to go frigid, that Lessa seems to have something of an innate moral compass that is never shown in Kylara, and that Lessa's experiences prior to Search were pretty uniformly traumatic, whereas Kylara's past was one of being simultaneously spoiled and dehumanized. Their duality has something of a "there but for the grace" quality; there is a certain sense that Kylara is who Lessa could have become - which suggests that Lessa is also who Kylara could have become.

In DF, Kylara is a woman with sufficient good qualities that she is handpicked to be Benden's second goldrider, and her worst sin is being a spoiled brat. There are some hints that that's turning in a sinister direction towards the end of the story, but she's still very much a redeemable character.

And then DQ recasts her as a foil for Brekke. But while Lessa, especially in DF, has quite a bit of darkness to her, Brekke is practically a Purity Sue, and here's where the virgin/whore dichotomy kicks in with a vengeance. In order to contrast with blindingly white Brekke, Kylara is painted as one-dimensionally dark. She is presented as a depraved harlot, irresponsible, spiteful, contemptuous, and without redeeming quality.

(Even then, I cannot see her as wholly unsympathetic. There is enough shown of how she came to be that way that I feel she is more tragic than anything else. She believes that she was shunted off to Southern to keep her out of the way - and she's not wrong - and that festers. She is a spoiled brat given free reign, with access to nearly unchecked power but no real responsibility or purpose, which feeds her self-centered nature. She is a skilled manipulator with no one who can really challenge or stand up to her, which feeds her overconfidence and contempt towards others. She is an ambitious woman with nowhere to go. I cannot condone her beliefs or actions, but I can to a large extent understand them.)

She is also a sexual submissive, and at least a bit of a masochist. (My feeling is that most of the masochism she indulges in comes out of her need for psychological domination being unfulfilled. But then I'm not a masochist; it could certainly be interpreted differently.) In the book that's treated as part of her depravity, but as someone who doesn't think being kinky is sick or wrong, I think it could be reinterpreted as a very interesting dimension to her character.

I think one of the keys to understanding Kylara's character is remembering the position of women on Pern in DF-era, and how that has played out in her life.

Because, at that time, being a woman on Pern was pretty damn sucky. We see this more than anywhere else in Lady Gemma, who had the crapsackiest life of all, but we also see it in the expectations for a Weyrwoman that Lessa has to deal with, and we see it in Kylara's life. Pernese society at the time was a setting where women were generally illiterate, their worth reckoned primarily as marriage pawns and breeders, and really not expected to have much control over their own lives. Kylara, as a high-ranking noblewoman, grows up privileged, pampered, and well-aware of the fact that her fate is going to be being married off to whoever her brother the Lord feels it most advantageous to secure an alliance with. One of her most formative experiences is her mother being cast aside in favor of a younger and shinier model. She knows that's not what she wants her life to be. And she takes two important lessons from it - that what power a woman has is in her influence on the men in her life, and that a woman is only worth anything so long as she is desirable to men.

And Kylara learns, no doubt quite early on, that she is very desirable to men. And Kylara isn't stupid. I don't think she's incredibly intelligent (certainly Lessa is smarter), but she is quick-witted and has a high social IQ. She wants as much control as possible over her life, and she learns that she can use her attractiveness to get it. Kylara's beauty and sexuality become her sword and shield (much as Lessa's projected ugliness and forgettability are hers at Ruatha), and she gets to be very good at using them. I expect a lot of her vanity initially stemmed from this fact.

She starts out focused on survival (which admittedly in her definition means having the position and comforts she is accustomed to having, but that doesn't mean the trauma that fuels it isn't real). But as she realizes how effectively she can manipulate men, I suspect her arrogance and ambition grow considerably.

And then she is brought to Benden on Search, which in the end is not much more than trading one group of men who want to use her for their own purposes for another. But she doesn't Impress. As a failed Candidate, she is left to make her own place in the Weyr, with no one having an agenda for her or particularly caring what she does. She has more autonomy than she's ever had before, but she's also a nobody, and that doesn't sit well with her. Kylara doesn't just want freedom, she wants power. So she sets about to gain in the Weyr the kinds of comforts and status she had at home, the best way she knows how - by alluring men. And if she hadn't before (because it's never particularly made clear what the expectations of Pernese noblewomen are in regards to premarital sex), she learns then a few other important things about herself, namely that she enjoys sex and has a high sex drive. And so sex becomes one more weapon in her arsenal.

She has developed a worldview in which other women cannot be other than rivals, while men ... well, she has a very complex relationship with men. She hates them for the authority they have over her, for the fact that she has to play these games and work through them in order to have control of her own affairs. She has contempt for them for how easily she can manipulate them. Those who do not succumb to her charms anger her, and yet they are the ones she wants most. The submissive in her craves domination, but she is loathe to yield to anyone she perceives are weaker, which is pretty much everyone. It's a very bitter and unfulfilling way to live.

She's gotten very good at looking out for number one, but she's never had a real purpose. She has ambition in spades, but all she's ever had to turn it to is amassing power for power's sake. She's inspired lust and infatuation in countless men, but never respect.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think she could have matured past being self-centered if she'd had the chance to work towards something real, to do something that mattered. I think just maybe, if she'd had a chance to win respect (and respect someone else in turn), she would have been compelled to work towards it. And she could have become a much better person than she did.

[theglassishalfsomething]

Darcy Interviews Bing: Romance

 1. Do you believe in love at first sight? If so, convince me!

I do believe in it! Proof: a family friend of mine met his wife at a Catholic youth group meeting and told the friend he went with to the gathering as they were leaving that he couldn’t live without her. He just knew. They’ve been married for 30+ years now. 

Look- we’ve talked about this. I don’t believe in relationship at first sight- that’s crazy. And I don’t think that the love is fully formed or mature but I think it’s real, I think it’s love, and I think it can happen at first sight (meeting). 

I’m not saying it’s the only way people fall in love. It’s not the way a lot of people do and that’s totally fine. I also think it’s something that irresponsible people can use as an excuse for irresponsible behavior and it doesn’t justify anything in terms of recklessness or even foolishness. You still have to get to know someone before you commit to dating them, you shouldn’t be reckless. But what’s in your heart, though fragile, undeveloped, “no proof, not much” IS love. That’s what it IS. It’s not something else! 

And in a sense all love is love at first sight. As Christopher Marlowe says, “Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight?” Sometimes it just takes us longer to see it- the first sight happens down the road but it still happens in a moment. I totally get why people love the Darcy/Lizzy love story more than a more conventional love at first sight. I too am probably more moved by “I cannot fix on the hour or the spot or the look or the words that laid the foundation; it is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I’d begun” than “I just knew” but then idk !!! they’re both beautiful!!

I tend to get in fights with people about this and I haven’t yet succeeded in convincing anyone of this and also it doesn’t really matter because I think it’s probably wiser that people don’t go around believing it and being convinced that the cute person you made eye contact with on public transportation is THE ONE and you “just know”. But I just. In my heart of hearts I believe it’s real. 

Matt Damon met his wife at a bar okay!!!! Saw her across the room !!!! and KNEW. I didn’t make that up- that happened to him.

2. If you could spend an hour talking about love with one person, living or dead, who would it be?

Well, in truth I’d talk about it with my family and friends but as I already DO that I’m going to go with Taylor Swift and/or (hopefully and) Jane Austen. I think it would be pretty funny if they were both prosaic about it though. Being an artist and being an explainer/rhetorician aren’t the same thing and I love the idea of both of them being not very eloquent about something they’re so GOOD at talking about in other ways. Like the way you once described Megan Whalen Turner and Adam Driver as discussing their work in the same matter-of-fact, understated, unflowery way. (I think about that a lot.)

This question got away from me. I’d still want to talk to Taylor about it though haha. 

3. Do you think that “opposites attract” is a more consistently true principle of successful romance, or can two similar people work together?

WHAT A GOOD QUESTION AND ONE ON WHICH I HAVE MUSED MUCH SINCE YOU FIRST POSED IT TO ME

I think in the end it comes back to the idea of balance. (#reylo, #willieverstopbeingthemostannoyingaboutthisNO) Romances, friendships, any kind of relationship works great and beautifully when there are complementary differences that create a natural check and balance between two people. We’ve all got to steady each other out you know. But romance especially calls for those differences in temperament and even outlook where faults as much as virtues help keep the other in check/help push the other to grow. Damon is so sarcastic, Elena is so sincere. She grounds him and cuts through his defenses; he draws her out of her seriousness and out of her head and makes her have a little more fun. Ben is contemplative and thoughtful and questioning, Rey reckless, impulsive, and action-driven. He steadies Rey’s unthinking action, she helps shake him out of his inaction. They’re better together. I could go on.

“Opposites attract” has definitely been overblown because I think having the same fundamental priorities and beliefs and values is most important in a marriage- the most important thing let’s be real- and even in terms of interests and outlook similarities are good. But the edge of difference in personality and approach is good- it’s what creates the spark! It’s what makes it work. Thank God (truly) that we aren’t all the same.

4. What is the greatest lie about romance that is widely accepted?

That romantic love can be separated from morality, from charity, and thrive. It can’t. As Lewis says in The Four Loves, “The rebellious slogan 'All for love' is really love's death warrant (date of execution, for the moment, left blank).”

On a (somewhat loosely) connected note, that’s why I side-eye those romances that start out and then continue against the wishes and support of family, friends, a wider community. I don’t want to overstate it! Parents, friends, community can be close-minded, unfair, hateful, wrong etc. FOR SURE. But marriages that start out against everyone else in their circle with no intention or desire for reconciliation, with just the two people involved feeling that “this is us against the world, we can defeat all odds!” are not a good idea. A couple’s reasons for cutting ties and starting out in isolation may be necessary but should never be undertaken lightly or as a matter of course because we all need support. We need each other. 

“We’re In Love And Anyone Who Says We Cannot Do Whatever We Want Because Of That Hates True Love” feels like a default attitude in today’s culture, especially for teenagers, whenever any objections are raised. Objections should be raised. Sit DOWN and be willing to work your way through them and prove that you’ve thought about them and are ready for the risks and the work involved to make this the best thing it can possibly be. Stop being stupid!!! Your love is not the answer to everything!!!!! Your love cannot be your sole guide!!!! 

But I mean, true love that wants the true good can. But that’s different from passion, emotion and it’s not what everyone is operating from you know? We’re messy and human.

5. What do you dream of for your own romantic future, if you do?

Judging by these answers, it seems that I think it’s far too big a risk!!

But I mean, dreaming. Hmm. wow this is making me feel very shy. (Can I lower my font size so it’s like I’m whispering.) I want.............I don’t know. Alright, apart from someone who agreed with me on what was most fundamentally important- faith especially obviously- I’d want to love and be loved very deeply. I want all the things we talk about- friendship, trust, someone who helps me grow, someone who challenges me, someone who loves me a lot whom I loved as much in return. It’s- yeah. This isn’t a good answer but it’s such a hard question. 

6. Is I love you the most romantic thing that can be said, or are there other words you would choose?

you know I think “I love you” IS the most romantic thing !!! !!! Before you asked this I would have thought that I didn’t think that and I do love other verbal ways of expressing love but there is something about the words themselves that get to me. Whenever I hear it onscreen I kind of tear up a little bit. It’s why I always tend to ship canon couples at least a little bit because it’s like “BUT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER”. You know how I feel about Tyler and Caroline which is not much but there’s that one scene where he writes her a letter and it’s like “I will always love you” and i’m like “SHOOT ME I CAN’T TAKE IT.” 

They’re such beautiful words, so straightforward. So ageless. They don’t change! Human beings have been saying them to each other for centuries.

7. How, in this crazy fandom world, do we identify relationships that are ACTUALLY toxic, versus those that are growing/developing/in need of work?

ahem ahem aHEM A relationship isn’t toxic because screenwriters decide to have the characters say it is without backing that up or with writing bad decisions. I’m not bitter I say bitterly with a bitter expression. 

Relationships that are built on nothing but bad things- selfishness, control, abuse, lies- are toxic. Relationships that are separated from the pursuit of the good are toxic. 

That said, and it’s a big “that said”, we’re all broken, we’re all damaged, we’re all wounded and sinful and I believe that things can get better, that people can heal so a lot of rhetoric around this topic strikes me as wrong. Tumblr especially tends to label conflict, challenge, and imperfections as toxicity and it’s just- no. Those are all parts of a healthy relationship in this fallen world. 

Another way of putting it is that I think, in fiction especially, relationships that don’t DEAL with anything, that don’t involve the struggle of communication are not good. Lies and surface-level resolutions aren’t good.

I’m not qualified enough to talk more about it. (I mean it hasn’t stopped me so far but it’s stopping me here.)

8. Is love a choice?

Yes, but you can’t always control how you feel initially. You can always control what you do though, and it’s the doing that’s the most of love. To paraphrase Lewis, the feeling is just the spark that ignited it. 

(*sings* “I can’t decide if it’s a choice, getting swept away”)

9. How do you like your romance, in fiction: full of light and sunshine, warm and constant, or tragically resolute?

All of the above. If I had to choose one I’d say “warm and constant” but all of it absolutely kills me. Screams into the void. 

10. Tell me what kind of man I should marry.

Someone principled, steady, witty, kind. Also someone who’s a good cook and also who likes dogs so that you know they’re real and have at least one fault in your eyes.

[vanilla-bean-buttercream]

Heartless

Part of the “Illuminated” backstory arc 

Parings: Patton and an OC you’re gonna love to hate >w> Characters: Patton, Remy (Sleep), :) Chapter warnings: Emotional abuse, toxic relationships, implied rape, self depreciating thoughts, cursing (2 words), minor injuries, heck this one hurt to write Word Count: 4667

Summary:

Everyone deserved love. That was one of Patton’s personal morals. However, a gray area arises and will make him question just how far he’s willing to go for someone.

The last thing he wanted to do was be heartless.

Author’s note:

IF. YOU. ARE. TRIGGERED. BY. ABUSIVE. OR. TOXIC. RELATIONSHIPS. PLEASE. HEED. THE. WARNINGS!!!!

Seriously guys, like ¾ of this is emotional abuse. It was pretty painful to write, but I got through it.

My poor baby, Patton, I’m so sorry.

Anyway, uh… enjoy I guess… :D

Did you ever have so much love you had no idea where to go with it all?

That was Patton’s biggest problem ever since he could remember.

From the day his Mom brought him into this world, she said he gave her endless love and joy. He barely cried. He barely whined. The only time he made his presence known was when he filled the house with his beautiful bellyful laughter.

Every afternoon, the trio relaxed in the park. His Ma worried Patton would get lost chasing after the animals, since Patton had the attention span of a puppy, but Mom would smile and shake her head, reminding her that Patton had to make his own mistakes.

She just didn’t plan on that mistake being Patton running into a lake with a small boy around his age.

By the time they fished them out of the water, the four were soaking wet and covered in algae. The boy didn’t seem to mind two strange women taking him by the hand and asking all over the park for his family. Turns out his babysitter, who was flirting with a group of girls at the time, was supposed to be watching him. They apologized profusely. However, the two women could not let it go, and they demanded to talk to the child’s parents.

They would’ve felt heartless leaving Remy with such an irresponsible adult.

Remy’s parents were both annoyed and relieved that their child was brought home safely. They mentioned it was nice to see Remy playing with kids his age. He usually didn’t get many, because of the fausmark on his eyes. Remy didn’t mind, and neither did the kids. It was the kid’s parents that minded.

Patton and Remy stayed fast friends through preschool, catching frogs, saving ants from puddles, and digging up worms in the play yard. Remy usually had a nose for trouble, and Patton would keep him out of it to the best of his ability. Likewise, Remy would stand up for Patton when kids tried to be mean to him. Usually it ended up with Remy on top of the other kid. Many hours were spent with Remy on the fence covered in dirt.

Patton tried to explain to the teachers the other kids were being mean, but they always retorted that Remy should not be hitting them. Had he known what prejudice was, he would’ve known why they hated Remy so much.

He couldn’t understand how they could be so heartless.

Patton usually sat on the swings and waited for Remy’s timeout to end, and then they’d begin playing again like nothing happened. Patton didn’t care what the teachers said. He was happy he had someone like Remy watching out for him.

“You and me,” Remy said as they build their mudcastle, “we’re gonna be best friends forever.”

“Pinky promise,” Patton replied and held out his finger. The two of them shook, forming a bond more inseparable than a soulbond.

Their friendship continued all through elementary school. Remy started wearing sunglasses everywhere. His fausmark and soulmark attracted too many annoying repetitive questions, so it was better to ignore it than repeating himself. He got his soulmark 3 years before Patton. Both were on their chest, confirming their destiny to always be there for each other.

The two of them stayed to themselves mostly. Anyone who came into their circle usually left them alone after a while.

At least they did, until Mara came into their lives.

Remy’s heart should’ve soared seeing Patton’s soulmark glow. He should’ve been happy to see his best friend find his soulmate.  He would’ve  if he saw Mara’s soulmark glow too.

Patton had found a soulmate, but it was unrequited.

Remy would never forget watching Patton’s zeal turn into heartbreak. He tried to get Patton’s mind off of it with cookies, skipping rocks at the park, and even set a day aside for them to binge Netflix under a blanket fort all day. However, nothing shook Patton’s heartbreak.

Remy would be heartless by the time Patton finished breaking it.

Apparently it broke Mara’s heart too, because after she decided she didn’t feel anything, she started hanging around them. He knew it was pity. Patton was too good of a person for people to not feel pity breaking his heart.

For a while, Patton’s mood started to turn around.

She started out slow, joining them as they walked to classes together. Patton found out she liked the color pink, and that was what color she hoped her soulmark would glow. She liked dogs, and she wanted a Cocker Spaniel when she grew up.

Mara mentioned she always stood in her sister’s shadow. No matter what she did, it was never good enough. Her twin sister always beat her at everything, and she felt neglected by her family, like a mistake. She was a mistake, and she made sure Patton knew she was a mistake. That’s why she rejected him. She couldn’t take him leaving her too.

Patton ate it up like ice cream sandwiches.

Mara warmed up to Patton quiet fast, keeping him at her side at all times. She even started draping herself around his soulmark arm and resting her head on his shoulder. Remy couldn’t help but notice each time, she pulled Patton a little closer. A little tighter. A little farther from him.

Patton didn’t seem to mind, however.

“I don’t know. I’m happy you’re happy, but I’m getting some nasty vibes from her,” Remy mentioned over hot chocolate in his basement.

Patton raised a brow. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, like,” Remy ran a hand through his hair, “she keeps… yeet-”

“Rem, are you,” Patton swallowed and looked over his mug, “jealous?”

“What?” Remy scoffed. “Patton, babe, please! I couldn’t care less who your soulmate is. Like, it doesn’t bother me at all. But I… I don’t know man. I just don’t like her.”

Patton leaned over and left a short kiss on Remy’s forehead. “I’m not going to stop being friends with you because of Mara, kiddo. You’re still my best friend.”

Crying? Why was Remy crying? He wiped his tears away with his fingers and sighed.

“I know, but like-” he sighed hard. “You know what? Nevermind. Just… let’s watch the movie and forget about it, m’kay?”

Patton begrudgingly allowed the two of them to watch the movie in silence. He could sense Remy’s stiff arua against his. Remy’s shoulders sat unnaturally tense. He’d forget to stare at the movie every once and a while and stared at the wall instead.

When they got to middle school, Remy pulled even farther away. Patton didn’t know what he did wrong. Remy would still smile, speak when spoken to, and say hello when passing in the hallway. But the warm touches were gone along with his presence.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into him,” Patton told Mara. He hugged his arms to try and rub warmth into them. “Did I… did I do something wrong? He keeps saying no, but… Remy isn’t one to keep his feelings hidden. I don’t understand.”

Mara hummed as she thought. “You think he could be jealous?”

“Of me?”

“No, of…” Mara looked away. Patton guided her head back towards him, his fingers coming back wet with her tears, “of me?”

Patton remembered Remy’s words. He sucked in a breath.

“Would you leave me for Remy?” Mara asked, her voice breaking. “I-I know what he means to you, and I’d hate to come between you two. I’m not worth it.”

Patton cupped both her cheeks in his hands. “Mara, now you listen to me. I love you, and I love being with you. Remy… I love him like a brother, and I… I wouldn’t leave you for him, trust me.”

“Promise?” she asked.

Patton almost stuck out his pinky for her to shake. He put his forehead against hers and kissed her nose. “I promise.”

He’d be heartless to leave someone who needed him so much.

Besides, Remy would be okay… right?

Middle school faded into High School, and Patton and Mara were celebrating their 4 year anniversary. Patton got her a cake with her name on it. She loved white roses and chocolate cake. He knew she’d love it.

But he didn’t know she was on a diet. He spent an hour trying to get her to stop crying.

“I told you last week I was going on a diet. I’m too fat and ugly,” she cried.

“Mara, firefly, please,” Patton said as he held her in his arms. “I’m sorry. I honestly forgot, and you’re not ugly and fat. Please don’t talk about yourself like that.”

Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could he make her cry like that. How could he hurt her like this?

How could he be so heartless?

He kissed the tears away on her cheek. “I’ll make it up to you. We can spend the night in the park.”

“But there’s so many food vendors in the park,” Mara whined.

“It’s okay. I don’t have to eat anything while we’re there. I’ll even diet with you. We can both go out for a salad afterward.”

“Promise?” she asked as she looked up at him.

He smiled. “I do.”

For a month, all Patton did was try to support Mara. The two of them would eat salads together at a small restaurant in town. For a while, it seemed to make Mara happy. She smiled more around Patton. Her gentle touches returned, and he felt pure bliss with her.

Then the summer came.

“You haven’t been keeping up with the diet, have you?” Mara asked. She poked the small pouch of fat on Patton’s stomach. It would’ve tickled had it not felt so dirty.

“I am,” he replied.

Mara turned away from him, her nose curled in disgust. “I bet you’re lying. I bet you go home and eat cookies every night when I’m not looking.”

Patton recoiled. Okay, so there was a cookie every night with his name on it, but it wasn’t like a cookie would make him fat… right?

“I’m sorry,” he replied and swallowed hard. “I won’t eat anymore. I didn’t think-”

“You didn’t think is right,” Mara moaned. She ran a hand through her hair. “You didn’t think it’d hurt me, but it does, Patton. They support each other. I need you to support me. That is what couples do, isn’t it?”

“Of course,” Patton replied. Mara sighed and hugged him, nuzzling her head under his chin.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight,” she spoke. “I hate fighting with you. Can you please, just, lay off the sweets? For me?”

“I will-”

“Promise?”

Patton swallowed thickly. “I promise.”

That night, Patton rolled around in his bed, unable to get to sleep. He kept replaying Mara’s words in his head. In a way, he couldn’t help but feel angry. He bent over backwards, cutting out his pizza trips with Remy, throwing away bottles of his favorite soda, and even limiting himself to one cookie every night. What had she done in return for him?

No, what kind of selfish thought was that? Mara needed him. It was his job to support her, and if that meant changing a little, he should.

Right?

Patton turned onhis phone and blinked. He opened the last message he sent Remy a week ago which cancelled their last trip (and the week before that) and felt a pain in his stomach. They used to text until 3 in the morning. What happened?

Patton typed on the blue keyboard in front of him.

Me: Hey, I can’t sleep. Can we talk? :’(

He watched the blue bubble pop up as he hit send and waited. Maybe Remy was asleep? He laughed at the thought. Remy didn’t sleep much before 4 am, and it was still only 1 or so.

His phone lit up.

Sleep is for the WEAK: Sry to hear that man

He waited for another message, but after five minutes, he decided to add to the conversation.

Me: You okay? :o

Another three minutes.

Sleep is for the WEAK: Yea

Patton started to write again, but Remy interrupted him.

Sleep is for the WEAK: Going to sleep deuces ;) ;) ;)

Patton squeezed his phone in his hand and felt his heart ache. He knew it was a lie. He knew Remy was avoiding him. How could he blame him? He practically pushed Remy out of his life for Mara. He had to feel betrayed. Still, he didn’t stay anything.

But Patton was his best friend. He should’ve known.

For three years, Patton endured Mara’s demands alone. Her diet turned into walking every morning together at the crack of dawn. Her walk every morning turned into only eating with her. That snowballed into her monitoring his phone on their dates, making sure he wasn’t talking behind her back, making sure he was listening to her.

“If you so much as say one bad word about me to that ass of a friend of yours,” Mara always threatened.

“I’ve never said a bad word about you,” Patton replied.

“But I know you hate me,” she replied. “You have to. I make you do all these things you don’t want to do. You should just break up with me already.”

Honestly, Patton considered it once or twice.

But Mara needed him.

He’d hold her in his arms and swallow the guilt in his chest. He’d ignore the texts Remy sent to him and the worry growing between the both of them. When was the last time Patton had fun? He only had Mara. Just Mara. That should’ve been enough.

Right?

On his 18th birthday, Mara surprised him with a cake. Patton forgot what chocolate tastes like. She even made it herself.

“It’s for all the hard work you’ve done for me,” she replied. “You deserve a little special treat.”

Patton held her so close he thought they’d both break.

“Thank you,” he whispered into her ear. “It’s perfect.”

Mara ran her finger along his glowing soulmark. “You think… you could do something special for me too?”

Patton’s stomach dropped. Of course Mara wouldn’t just give him something without expecting something else.

“What is it?” he asked, pulling away to look in her eyes.

“Well,” her lips pulled into a grin, “we’ve been together for almost 7 years now, right? Don’t you think it was time we did something… memorable?”

“Like going on a dinner date?” Patton asked. Oh man, he hoped it was to the pizza place down the road, but he was sure she wouldn’t go for it.

Judging by the roll of her eyes, he was right.

“No, dummy. I want something a restaurant menu can’t provide.” She brought Patton’s lips down to touch her own. He savored the taste of her cherry chapstick. “I’d rather be tasting you.”

“I’m okay with some cuddles and kisses. There’s some good romance movies on Netflix. We could watch one while-”

Mara pushed Patton backwards onto the couch. He blinked up owlishly as she straddled his waist and caressed his cheeks in her hands.

“Your so stupid. I want you to take me. You know, like my virginity. I’m giving it to you,” she purred as she brought in her lips to kiss him. Patton forgot to kiss back. Mara sensed his discomfort and pulled away. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just-” Patton looked away.

Mara’s lips drew into a deep frown. “You just what, Patton?”

He flinched with the way she hissed his name. His stomach felt heavy, and it wasn’t because Mara put her full weight on it.

“Nothing-”

“Don’t lie to me, Patton.” She furrowed her brow. “I thought you said we wouldn’t lie to each other?”

Patton’s eyes welled up with tears. He looked up at her and tried to blink them away.

“I just… I don’t know if I’m ready,” Patton replied.

Mara ran a hand through her hair. “It’s me, isn’t it? I’m not good enough for you.”

“I didn’t say that-”

“Then why not?” She brought both her hands down hard on his chest. “What’s wrong? If you really loved me, you’d do this for me.”

“Mara, please-”

“Hasn’t our time together meant anything to you? Have you just been leading me on this whole time? Taking on a poor, defenseless girl who needed love? Is that your goal? You’re disgusting. I thought you weren’t like men who pray on women.”

“I-”

“How could you be so heartless?”

“Okay!” The dam on Patton’s eyes broke. “I’m sorry, okay. I… if it’ll make you happy.”

“No, my mood is ruined now.”

“Mara, I’m sorry. I do love you. I… I want to show you. I-” His voice cracked, “please believe me.”

Mara sighed and rubbed the tears away on Patton’s cheeks. “Shush, it’s okay. I forgive you, Patton. Don’t cry. It makes me feel worse.”

“I’m sorry.”

A pause.

“You really do love me, don’t you, Patton?”

“Yes.”

“Promise?”

The sting in his stomach almost answered for him. “I promise.”

That night felt like anything but love. It felt disgusting, violate, and hateful.

The next day, Patton laid in his bed. He couldn’t sleep. He threw up anything he ate. His moms were worried sick, but he assured them he was okay.

At least he was okay, until he woke up the next morning and looked the mirror. Patton’s stomach dropped. He traced his once beautiful silver swirls on his chest and retracted them like they burned him. What happened?

Why did his soulmark turn black?

Patton wore a turtleneck, despite it being a hot Spring day, and said goodbye to his mothers before they could comment on his strange wardrobe. He felt trapped and overheated, but he wouldn’t let anyone see.

Remy stood next to him at the bus stop, his usual cold shoulder still feeling foreign after all these years. Remy double glanced over his sunglasses as Patton stood next to him, a snuff escaping his nose.

“Forget how to dress?” he scoffed. Patton shifted uncomfortably and drew his shoulder straps tighter, as if his backpack could hug his discomfort away.

Remy sighed and noticed Patton shrink away. Against better judgement, Remy continued.

“You know, I really still wanted to be your friend, Pat, but I guess promises don’t mean much to you anymore.”

That word choked Patton. He doubled in on himself, his body succumbing to trembles. Before he knew it, he was on his hands and knees. Remy was at his side, his hands on Patton’s shoulders. He sounded concerned. Patton couldn’t make out anything past that word.

Promises.

What did he know about promises?

Remy brought Patton close to his chest, cradling him between his legs and running a hand through his hair, just like he knew Patton loved. He kept shushing him, trying to blow his discomfort away. Patton felt Remy’s head rest on his shoulders.

“Pat, whatever’s wrong, you know you can tell me. I’m sorry. I should’ve- I didn’t know- Are you okay?”

For five minutes, all Patton could say was “I’m sorry.”

Remy took Patton back to his house down the street. He wrapped him in a blanket and put as many stuffed animals around him as he could find, even if he had to blow dust off quite a few. His parents wouldn’t mind if he skipped. For an hour, he let Patton cuddle into his blankets. The smell must’ve called him, because the shaking stopped. However, he was still sweating. Maybe he was sick?

Remy folded his sunglasses and set them on the counter, missing the way he could be himself around Patton.

“You think we should take that turtleneck off?” Remy asked. Patton shook his head furiously and buried his head into the blankets.

“Pat, you’re like, 100 degrees. Time to yeet the sweater.”

“No.”

“Come on,” Remy rolled his eyes and flopped onto his face. He mumbled into the covers, “Stubborn asshole.”

That brought a shift of Patton’s blankets.

“Laguage.”

“What’s that? Couldn’t fucking hear ya pops.”

Patton threw a pillow at Remy. The corners of his mouths were strained into a frown, but Remy knew he could bring that stifled smile out. He kept cursing, and Patton kept swinging pillows at him. Remy picked up the first pillow and started swinging back.

Feathers and giggles flew everywhere.

Out of breath, Remy flopped onto his back. One more blow to the stomach, and Remy let out a light “ooph.” Patton’s eyes were glowing with happiness and tears. His chest heaved under that too tight turtleneck, and sweat lined his forehead.

“You ready to tell me yet?”

The smile disappeared on Patton’s face. He sunk to his knees and dropped the pillow, ready to retreat into his blankets once again.

“No, no, you’re not allowed,” Remy grumbled as he pulled all the blankets up into a ball in his lap. “We’re talking this out. What’s eating you?”

Patton blew through his nose. “I… I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“I promised.”

The word hit harder than anything Patton could throw at him. “Pat, you can tell me anything. I’m here for you.” He paused. “But I haven’t been there for you for a while, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Patton replied. “I pushed you away. I just didn’t want her to use you against me anymore and-”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down there buttercup,” Remy held his hands up. “Who was using me against you?”

Patton twisted the turtleneck in his hands. Remy’s stomach flared up.

“It’s Mara, isn’t it?”

Patton’s silence confirmed his answer. He ran a hand through dyed purple hair and growled under his breath.

“How long?”

Patton whined. “I can’t remember. It was fine, but I don’t know what happened. The first few years were great. I loved her. But then… then she started to change, and I-” his words caught. He swallowed hard. “I couldn’t say no.”

Remy clenched his teeth. Here Patton was being hurt, and he couldn’t get his head far enough out of his ass to care.

“I’ll kill her,” Remy growled and swung his legs off the bed. Patton reached out for him, trying to get Remy to wait, but he wasn’t listening. Finally, he grabbed onto Remy’s wrist and held him in the doorway.

“Please don’t,” Patton whispered. “She’ll know I was talking behind her back, and I can’t disappoint her again.”

“Disappoint her?” Remy threw his hands up. “What has she ever done for you, Pat? Tell me one time she went out of her way for you, and I’ll let it slide.”

“She bought me a cake for my birthday,” Patton replied.

“Whoop-de-do,” Remy twirled his finger sarcastically. “And what did you have to do to get that, huh?”

Patton’s throat burned. That night came rushing back to him, and he nearly threw himself into another panic attack. Remy softened upon his distress, and he carried Patton back to the bed.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve been more careful,” Remy let out a dry laugh. “I’m a pretty pathetic excuse for a best friend, huh?”

The rest of the day, Patton stayed in Remy’s arms. They didn’t speak of Mara or the incident, instead choosing to bury themselves in some of their favorite films. Patton called up his Ma and let her know he was staying at Remy’s house, much to her delight. She was thankful they were friends again.

Honestly, so was he.

That night, as Remy loaned Patton an extra set of pajamas, Patton showed Remy his soulmark. He expected Remy to be disgusted, but he looked so hurt. Patton told him everything. The name calling, the forced diet, the… unwanted advances. Each time, he expected Remy to turn away from him, but his eyes held understanding and pain.

“That heartless thot has no right.”

“Remy please-”

“No,” he clenched his teeth. “I’m getting you away from her. We’re getting out of here, the day after graduation. We’re going to start that pet sanctuary we always wanted to start, and we’re going to leave her in this hell where she belongs.” He stopped and looked Patton in the eye. “But only if you want to. It’s your choice, Patton. What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know,” he replied.

“S’okay. You think about it. We’ll put a pin in it for now.” Remy poked Patton’s forehead and made a pop sound with his lips. Patton giggled and shuffled down into the blankets. Remy lay beside him. Patton sighed and clutched the extra pillow to his chest.

“Hey, Rem?” He heard Remy’s hum of attention. “You think you could- ah- I kind of- would it be okay if we… you know, like old times-”

“I got’cha,” Remy said and rolled over, cradling Patton close to his stomach. The familiar press of Remy’s chest against his back eased Patton’s worry. Remy��s hug felt like home. He settled down, and for the first time in almost a year, he slept peacefully through the night.

Too bad he had to wake up and go to school.

Remy held him close all day, a protective arm over his shoulder.

Patton hoped Mara wouldn’t find him. He couldn’t stand the idea of her hurting Remy.

But it should’ve been the other way around.

Patton pulled Remy off Mara after he landed two blows to her cheek. She cried and screamed that he did it unprovoked. The three of them were sent to the principal’s office, Mara giving her sob story of how Remy jumped her for no reason. Patton knew better. Remy was given two week’s suspension, and Patton’s stomach dropped.  The thought of Remy being separated from him distressed him beyond measure.

Mara flipped her hair as she walked out, and Remy flipped her the bird.

Patton suddenly felt sick. He walked with Remy as he was escorted to the front doors.

“You’ll be okay,” Remy said and pressed his forehead to Patton’s. “You’re strong, Pat, the strongest person I know. You got this.”

“But-”

“Hey, none of that, m’kay. You’re golden.” He sent one last wink before leaving the school grounds. Patton’s courage left with him.

Of course Mara was waiting for him when he got back inside. Of course she looked like Patton was gum under her shoe. Of course she’d end up screaming at him in the halls about how he didn’t care about her, about how he let Remy hit her, about how Patton should’ve stopped him.

“I don’t want you to ever talk to that heathen again,” Mara hissed. “And if I ever catch you talking to him again-”

“You’ll what?” Patton snapped. His stomach dropped as Mara’s face went from shocked to aggravated.

“Patton, you better not talk to him ever again. I swear, I’ll break up with you if you do.”

“Then do it,” he shot back. He hugged his arms close to him. Mara’s anger melted into surprise, and she put her hands on her hips.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” Patton replied. Mara stood close, her nose almost touching his. She sucked in a breath before exhaling.

“Look, you’re obviously upset, so I’m gonna let this slide. But tomorrow, you better not let this happen again, got it?”

Patton stared back, his eyes cold as the blood in his veins.

“Promise me, Patton.”

His silence brought her hand to his wrist, pulling him close. He felt her nails dig into his skin and hissed out a breath.

“Promise me!”

Patton continued to stare, his throat too lumped to speak. Mara shoved him backwards and stormed down the hall. Patton heard people whispering as he went to his first class of the day. He felt like he’d fall apart at the seams. At this point, he didn’t even know how he was walking. Was it possible to feel every emotion at once? It must be. How else would he describe how heavy he felt?

Patton wished he was heartless so he couldn’t feel anything anymore.

The Illuminated AU Master List

[catalogado]

David Graeber

Are You An Anarchist? The Answer May Surprise You!

Chances are you have already heard something about who anarchists are and what they are supposed to believe. Chances are almost everything you have heard is nonsense. Many people seem to think that anarchists are proponents of violence, chaos, and destruction, that they are against all forms of order and organization, or that they are crazed nihilists who just want to blow everything up. In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Anarchists are simply people who believe human beings are capable of behaving in a reasonable fashion without having to be forced to. It is really a very simple notion. But it’s one that the rich and powerful have always found extremely dangerous.

At their very simplest, anarchist beliefs turn on to two elementary assumptions. The first is that human beings are, under ordinary circumstances, about as reasonable and decent as they are allowed to be, and can organize themselves and their communities without needing to be told how. The second is that power corrupts. Most of all, anarchism is just a matter of having the courage to take the simple principles of common decency that we all live by, and to follow them through to their logical conclusions. Odd though this may seem, in most important ways you are probably already an anarchist — you just don’t realize it.

Let’s start by taking a few examples from everyday life.

If there’s a line to get on a crowded bus, do you wait your turn and refrain from elbowing your way past others even in the absence of police?

If you answered “yes”, then you are used to acting like an anarchist! The most basic anarchist principle is self-organization: the assumption that human beings do not need to be threatened with prosecution in order to be able to come to reasonable understandings with each other, or to treat each other with dignity and respect.

Everyone believes they are capable of behaving reasonably themselves. If they think laws and police are necessary, it is only because they don’t believe that other people are. But if you think about it, don’t those people all feel exactly the same way about you? Anarchists argue that almost all the anti-social behavior which makes us think it’s necessary to have armies, police, prisons, and governments to control our lives, is actually caused by the systematic inequalities and injustice those armies, police, prisons and governments make possible. It’s all a vicious circle. If people are used to being treated like their opinions do not matter, they are likely to become angry and cynical, even violent — which of course makes it easy for those in power to say that their opinions do not matter. Once they understand that their opinions really do matter just as much as anyone else’s, they tend to become remarkably understanding. To cut a long story short: anarchists believe that for the most part it is power itself, and the effects of power, that make people stupid and irresponsible.

Are you a member of a club or sports team or any other voluntary organization where decisions are not imposed by one leader but made on the basis of general consent?

If you answered “yes”, then you belong to an organization which works on anarchist principles! Another basic anarchist principle is voluntary association. This is simply a matter of applying democratic principles to ordinary life. The only difference is that anarchists believe it should be possible to have a society in which everything could be organized along these lines, all groups based on the free consent of their members, and therefore, that all top-down, military styles of organization like armies or bureaucracies or large corporations, based on chains of command, would no longer be necessary. Perhaps you don’t believe that would be possible. Perhaps you do. But every time you reach an agreement by consensus, rather than threats, every time you make a voluntary arrangement with another person, come to an understanding, or reach a compromise by taking due consideration of the other person’s particular situation or needs, you are being an anarchist — even if you don’t realize it.

Anarchism is just the way people act when they are free to do as they choose, and when they deal with others who are equally free — and therefore aware of the responsibility to others that entails. This leads to another crucial point: that while people can be reasonable and considerate when they are dealing with equals, human nature is such that they cannot be trusted to do so when given power over others. Give someone such power, they will almost invariably abuse it in some way or another.

Do you believe that most politicians are selfish, egotistical swine who don’t really care about the public interest? Do you think we live in an economic system which is stupid and unfair?

If you answered “yes��, then you subscribe to the anarchist critique of today’s society — at least, in its broadest outlines. Anarchists believe that power corrupts and those who spend their entire lives seeking power are the very last people who should have it. Anarchists believe that our present economic system is more likely to reward people for selfish and unscrupulous behavior than for being decent, caring human beings. Most people feel that way. The only difference is that most people don’t think there’s anything that can be done about it, or anyway — and this is what the faithful servants of the powerful are always most likely to insist — anything that won’t end up making things even worse.

But what if that weren’t true?

And is there really any reason to believe this? When you can actually test them, most of the usual predictions about what would happen without states or capitalism turn out to be entirely untrue. For thousands of years people lived without governments. In many parts of the world people live outside of the control of governments today. They do not all kill each other. Mostly they just get on about their lives the same as anyone else would. Of course, in a complex, urban, technological society all this would be more complicated: but technology can also make all these problems a lot easier to solve. In fact, we have not even begun to think about what our lives could be like if technology were really marshaled to fit human needs. How many hours would we really need to work in order to maintain a functional society — that is, if we got rid of all the useless or destructive occupations like telemarketers, lawyers, prison guards, financial analysts, public relations experts, bureaucrats and politicians, and turn our best scientific minds away from working on space weaponry or stock market systems to mechanizing away dangerous or annoying tasks like coal mining or cleaning the bathroom, and distribute the remaining work among everyone equally? Five hours a day? Four? Three? Two? Nobody knows because no one is even asking this kind of question. Anarchists think these are the very questions we should be asking.

Do you really believe those things you tell your children (or that your parents told you)?

“It doesn’t matter who started it.” “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” “Clean up your own mess.” “Do unto others...” “Don’t be mean to people just because they’re different.” Perhaps we should decide whether we’re lying to our children when we tell them about right and wrong, or whether we’re willing to take our own injunctions seriously. Because if you take these moral principles to their logical conclusions, you arrive at anarchism.

Take the principle that two wrongs don’t make a right. If you really took it seriously, that alone would knock away almost the entire basis for war and the criminal justice system. The same goes for sharing: we’re always telling children that they have to learn to share, to be considerate of each other’s needs, to help each other; then we go off into the real world where we assume that everyone is naturally selfish and competitive. But an anarchist would point out: in fact, what we say to our children is right. Pretty much every great worthwhile achievement in human history, every discovery or accomplishment that’s improved our lives, has been based on cooperation and mutual aid; even now, most of us spend more of our money on our friends and families than on ourselves; while likely as not there will always be competitive people in the world, there’s no reason why society has to be based on encouraging such behavior, let alone making people compete over the basic necessities of life. That only serves the interests of people in power, who want us to live in fear of one another. That’s why anarchists call for a society based not only on free association but mutual aid. The fact is that most children grow up believing in anarchist morality, and then gradually have to realize that the adult world doesn’t really work that way. That’s why so many become rebellious, or alienated, even suicidal as adolescents, and finally, resigned and bitter as adults; their only solace, often, being the ability to raise children of their own and pretend to them that the world is fair. But what if we really could start to build a world which really was at least founded on principles of justice? Wouldn’t that be the greatest gift to one’s children one could possibly give?

Do you believe that human beings are fundamentally corrupt and evil, or that certain sorts of people (women, people of color, ordinary folk who are not rich or highly educated) are inferior specimens, destined to be ruled by their betters?

If you answered “yes”, then, well, it looks like you aren’t an anarchist after all. But if you answered “no”, then chances are you already subscribe to 90% of anarchist principles, and, likely as not, are living your life largely in accord with them. Every time you treat another human with consideration and respect, you are being an anarchist. Every time you work out your differences with others by coming to reasonable compromise, listening to what everyone has to say rather than letting one person decide for everyone else, you are being an anarchist. Every time you have the opportunity to force someone to do something, but decide to appeal to their sense of reason or justice instead, you are being an anarchist. The same goes for every time you share something with a friend, or decide who is going to do the dishes, or do anything at all with an eye to fairness.

Now, you might object that all this is well and good as a way for small groups of people to get on with each other, but managing a city, or a country, is an entirely different matter. And of course there is something to this. Even if you decentralize society and put as much power as possible in the hands of small communities, there will still be plenty of things that need to be coordinated, from running railroads to deciding on directions for medical research. But just because something is complicated does not mean there is no way to do it democratically. It would just be complicated. In fact, anarchists have all sorts of different ideas and visions about how a complex society might manage itself. To explain them though would go far beyond the scope of a little introductory text like this. Suffice it to say, first of all, that a lot of people have spent a lot of time coming up with models for how a really democratic, healthy society might work; but second, and just as importantly, no anarchist claims to have a perfect blueprint. The last thing we want is to impose prefab models on society anyway. The truth is we probably can’t even imagine half the problems that will come up when we try to create a democratic society; still, we’re confident that, human ingenuity being what it is, such problems can always be solved, so long as it is in the spirit of our basic principles — which are, in the final analysis, simply the principles of fundamental human decency.

[finsaraan]

i just want you to know - this is the abridged version. i wrote something longer. and it was really prosey fancy and vaguely like an actual ficlet, but i felt like, there isn’t a chance in hell of anybody finishing this unless i file off at least a few paragraphs and fill it with the amusing use of casual language and luis-from-ant-man-style retellings to juxtaposition the setting and theme of the story being told

anyway @kohledtouch @championofstendarr @laelaloola (especially u u agreed to this and u didn’t even kno, this is a lesson in looking before u leap) y’all enabled this, gotta face the consequences of ur actions hit me up w/ how many paragraphs u got in before ur soul left ur body and idk what i’ll owe u but i’ll owe u something LMAO

Well he’s Titus Mede II’s son and his name is Alexandros and his mum is Olympias the emperor’s second wife and she married him when she was 17 bc her family wanted the power and she’s a descendant of a usurped Septim emperor from way yonder through the mists of time. So she has this baby boy, hooray, he’s adorable with his wavy blond hair and his odd eyes, one’s blue one’s green, and he spends his childhood frolicking barefoot through the White Gold Tower’s private gardens which it would realistically have as the home of the royal family, and chilling with the soldiers in the barracks, and the grooms in the stables, learning filthy language and all about war. His parents don’t get on because his mum doesn’t take shit lying down and doesn’t and never did love her husband, so if he’s remotely rude to her, which he can be because he’s just like that but also stressed all the time, she snaps right back and then he snaps back because he’s a proud man and not good at apologising and then it spirals out of control. 

One day in particular when Alexandros is four, it’s soon after the death of his older sister, who was the crown princess and very capable and absolutely doted on by the emperor who’s distraught about it still, he goes to his mum’s room late at night only for the emperor to come in soon after absolutely sloshed, immediately getting his kit off, and Olympias, hoping to make him go away and also shield her baby’s eyes, hides Alexandros and says ‘no we can’t do the do it’s that time of the month’ but he’s like ‘you said that a week ago you HAG’ but now that she has her baby she’s feeling very protective so she snaps right back more viciously than usual so they start a proper shouting match until Alexandros bursts out screaming SHE HATES YOU GO AWAY GO AWAY, only to be grabbed by a stunned and horrified and slightly embarrassed (bc hes naked) emperor and tossed quite violently from the room. He’s caught by the guard on duty who takes good care of him while he screams because honestly that was a pretty traumatic experience. Once he’s put to bed and then up the next morning he doesn’t remember it, but it does scar him psychologically. The marriage goes downhill quite badly from there, it was their worst argument yet, there were a lot of insults, Titus feels very attacked by his now-crown-prince son’s apparent hatred of him, Olympias is livid that he handled her baby so roughly - it all makes everyone bitter.

Now when Alexandros is seven his education has yet to start and he’s a bit too cosy with the common soldiery that man the Tower, as someone puts it ‘he speaks as if he was conceived against a barrack wall’. Also, he hasn’t had a lot of interaction with his father, who doesn’t have time for children really and is still kinda put off by That Incident and by the very guarded way his son looks at him when the boy’s brought up for inspection days that let Titus see how he’s doing. So Titus thinks, to get him away from his mother’s influence, because she’s probably turning the boy against him (tbf she is), he’ll send him off to Cloud Ruler Temple to be mentored by this Penitus Oculatus commander called Leonidas. Leonidas thinks Alexandros is a spoilt brat. He has the child doing a soldier’s training from dawn until dusk, feeds him two spare meals a day, gives him shitty blankets and makes him sleep outside if he’s been disobedient (and if it’s not gonna kill him), and while this does mean that Alexandros is really good at taking hardship when he’s older - his soldiers will love him because he’s known for refusing to take food, water, or shelter if there isn’t enough for every single man - it’s also frankly irresponsible on Leonidas’s part, because he chronically underfeeds a growing boy, and Alexandros ends up significantly shorter than average for the rest of his life.

Now he’s twelve and his training with Leonidas is done, so he’s back home. He sings at a court banquet and a grumpy Titus Mede - who thinks he sounds a lot like his mother when he sings and is REALLY put off by it - humiliates him in front of everyone by telling him it’s a stupid waste of time for a prince to learn an instrument. Alexandros runs away and blackmails a soldier he knows, who's travelling home to sort a blood feud, into taking Alexandros with him. There’s a battle between two tiny villages and Alexandros makes his first kill, takes the head home, and feels a lot better knowing he is officially A Man at twelve when his dad didn’t have HIS first kill until he was sixteen. Now Alexandros gets his own retinue, a bunch of generals’ sons around his age, and he meets HEPHAESTION. Hephaestion is a babe, they hit it off immediately, and it’s barely any time at all before they’re completely inseparable. They’re soulmates. The same day that they meet, Alexandros makes another lifelong friend - the stallion Bucephalus, who nearly tramples some people in a panic at a horse fair, but Alexandros realises it's been mistreated and gentles it until it lets him ride it, ooh ahh very dramatic and you bet your ass Hephaestion is swooning in the background.

Fifteen years old, Alexandros is sent off with his friends to study some real important shit like philosophy and morality with a former Psijic monk (who isn’t actually former he says that but actually he’s an active Psijic - they sent him to try and influence Alex to take a good and wholesome path) called Aristotle. Alexandros never gets the hang of magic but he likes medicine and learning about nature and discussing abstract topics. Supposedly, doing this all in some chateau out in buttfuck nowhere is so he doesn’t get distracted but once again, Titus wants to separate Alexandros and his mother. The only time Alexandros leaves is to be summoned to various battles or sieges around the provinces for experience and because he and his father get on quite well when they’re out on campaign, they think the same tactically and Alex does admire his father really, he just feels guilty because his mother’s a woman with drama and flare running through her blood (descended from Tiber Septim rememeber), and lets him know when she feels betrayed. It’s a very emotionally scarring situation, because he can’t please one parent without angering the other. But on campaign it’s ok. He flourishes, he’s clearly got the knack, and the soldiers really love him ‘cause he comes into the healers’ tents to talk to the wounded men and tell them how brave they were. He’s got an incredible memory for names and faces, he never forgets anyone he’s met, and it’s a big thing when you’re just some lowly soldier and the crown prince remembers you and says he saw you, first up the wall in that siege, terrific job mate. He really craves the adoration of his people, it’s so much simpler than the mess his family is in. Be nice, make an effort, the lads love you. No nonsense there.

Sixteen now, he’s left as regent (of the entire empire!) when the emperor goes off on a longer campaign, but has to embark on his own one when there’s an issue with a big load of Forsworn. He does insanely well. He’s sixteen. Sixteen! Half of the enemies he comes across can’t even take him seriously, until he slaughters them. You stop laughing pretty fast when Alexandros’s legion comes at you. More than that, he gets there from the Imperial City faster than the soldiers sent from actual Skyrim, and they show up half way through like ‘whu?’ but Alexandros ropes them in no-nonsense and as they incredulously ask the Imperial soldiers ‘how old is this guy?’ they’re just given a knowing look and told ‘wait ‘till you see him in action, then you’ll know’.

At seventeen (he’s up to a lot now) his mum is pestering him to start churning out bastards because he’s unusually celibate for his age and status. She’s feeling very insecure because she’s engaged in some political fights and frankly the only reason she’s alive is because she’s wife of the emperor and mother of the crown prince; if she looses that status, she’s a goner, and at the moment the only reason she’s still married to Titus is because if he divorces her he weakens Alexandros’s claim to the throne and that could be chaos if Titus were to unexpectedly perish. So a potential heir from Alexandros would strengthen her position, and also give her another baby, which she wants because she’s feeling very excluded from Alexandros’s life. Rather than inevitably fail to walk the tightrope between his parents, he’s taken to only speaking to them when summoned, and confiding in Hephaestion for everything instead. After Alexandros dodges a series of prostitutes sent by his mother to get him producing and maybe separate him from Hephaestion a little, he pretends he slept with one to get his mother off his back, and ends up, in the aftermath, getting jiggy with Hephaestion for the first time instead. They’re as madly in love as ever. All their friends can tell It’s Happened, and some bets are finally won.

Now shit goes terribly wrong, and it’s about to get convoluted - the emperor takes a fancy to the daughter of one of his generals, Attalos. If she becomes his mistress, and has his children, and Titus really takes a shine to her, her noble birth makes her a really strong candidate for marriage, PLUS, Attalos is rumoured to be a Thalmor informant. That would put Olympias and Alexandros in the doghouse and in serious danger, but take a big weight off Titus’s shoulders, because he no longer has a mortal enemy in his house and a son influenced by said mortal enemy. Alexandros just tries not to rock the boat. On the return from a state visit, father and son and entourage are hosted by Attalos at his villa on the road. Attalos gets drunk and alludes to the potential union, suggesting any children from it are better than a child of Olympias, and then he insults Olympias a lot, thinking he’s being subtle, but he’s not, because he’s completely smashed. Alex is pissed. When he calls Attalos the fuck out, Titus gets pissed at him and tells him to check himself. Alex calls out him next, telling him to stand up for his own heir, unless he’s a desperate old man who’ll lick Attalos’s feet he’s that thirsty for the man’s daughter, who is frankly much too young for his old ass - also, they all know the rumours, Attalos is a filthy Thalmor informant, so he’s probably trying to suck up to them as well.

(The retelling of this gets him a lot of points amongst Thalmor-haters and if you hear it retold in certain places the string of inventive insults that prefix ‘Thalmor’ is about as long as the entire rest of the story.)

Titus is pissed, as you would be, to the point of drawing his sword, maybe a bit extreme, but he trips and falls on his face. Alexandros utters the immortal line ‘look, men, who the people thought would cross the tyrants for them - and he falls crossing from couch to couch’. Alexandros then has to book it, taking Olympias to her relatives in High Rock, then disappearing himself into the Druadach Mountains. He pisses Titus off for a bit by making it seems like he might be gathering allies in the mountains to go to war, but eventually messengers get sent back and forth and after a lot of debate, a peace is agreed to, and Alex and Olympias are welcomed back to the Imperial City. Things are still hella tense. Hoping to fix this, Titus sends Alexandros into Skyrim to deal with this civil war business that’s popped up, planning on following along later because his health is real fucked up just then. He’s been in a lot of battles, he’s like swiss cheese at this point.

Now at this point if I’m feeling indulgent, this is the point at which Alexandros turns out to be the Last Dragonborn and has to deal with all that shit. Otherwise, he just shows up and does his Alexandros thing, which is kicking ass and actually trying really hard to come to a peace agreement. The emperor wants to crush the Stormcloak rebellion entirely, but if Alexandros were to get his way - you know, like if he were to suddenly and unexpectedly become emperor himself - his offered treaty to Ulfric would be a formal apology for the failure of his father to honour his title as protector of the realm and chosen of the Divines; an offer of total religious autonomy, total autonomy in the deciding of any High King or Queen; and a getout clause that lets Skyrim legally secede from the empire if the jarls together decide that the current emperor/empress is failing in his or her duty to protect the rights and well-being of the citizens of Skyrim, failing to honour the gods that put them on their throne, offending egregiously the cultural beliefs of the people of Skyrim, or proving themself unworthy of the respect and power of the Ruby Throne.

Alexandros is real fucking confident. And he enjoys the enormous ‘fuck you’ he’s sending to any future rulers that don’t live up to these standards, because even if the treaty focuses on Skyrim, is they were to pull that getout clause and secede, everyone would follow whether it applies to them or not.

Back in Cyrodiil, while Alexandros is either being Dragonborn or not, the emperor is making plans to divorce Olympias and marry Attalos’s daughter but with legislation that secures Alexandros’s position as heir, hoping it’ll placate him even though his mother’s just been slapped in the face essentially. And on top of that, there’s a member of the Elder Council called Pausanias Orestes - he and the emperor were bang-mates, once upon a time, but Pausanias got dumped for a younger, hotter bloke. Pissed, Pausanias calls the guy a lil’ bitch, and the guy goes and gets himself killed being extra in battle to prove that he’s not. His kin, upset, have their revenge on Pausanias in a very dark and disturbing way because they don’t want to kill him because he’s still on fairly good terms with the emperor. Pausanias entreats the emperor to get him justice. Titus makes Pausanias head of his bodyguard, which is a very big favour, but doesn’t punish them that abused Pausanias. Eventually, Pausanias becomes a member of the Elder Council. Now here’s the thing; who’s the man that did that to Pausanias? It’s general Attalos, father of the girl emperor Titus Mede wants to marry, the man that’s about to achieve a real big power boost just by getting his daughter to bang the emperor. Oh dear. And guess who was with the entourage that stayed at Attalos’s villa the night of the bust up that Alexandros ended up having to flee; who had to stay in the house of the man that had wronged him and never been punished for it? Pausanias. Alexandros noticed this incredible cruelty at the time and apologised to Pausanias for it. Pausanias likes Alexandros for that reason. So when someone comes to Pausanias and says; we want to assassinate the emperor, and Alexandros is in on it, will you go to Skyirm and hire the Dark Brotherhood? Pausanias says yes. The thing is, Alexandros isn’t in on it; he’s far too pious to ever consider killing his own father. But there are those that thing the Medes are getting a little out of hand and if they all happened to die then that would be very handy for certain point-eared control-freaks who have a violent need to be absolute cunts and are the Tamrielic equivalent of that person who comes into your inbox and nitpicks your TES lore knowledge in a very condescending way, especially over things that are honestly subjective.