#ahhhhhhhhghhhghh
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Terribly BITTER because I can't split into two people just to grab myself by the shoulders and shake me violently
#not only would it be satisfying but also terribly useful I think#i'm writing this instead of studying WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY I WANT TO SHAKE MYSELF#ahhhhhhhhghhhghh#i think i've managed to focus for something like 💫two pages💫#i only have *checks* 108 more to study#plus the 87 of palentology to review how much is necessary#i'm way too calm this isn't good#that's why I want to shake myself#dudeeeeeeeeeeer#what's infuriating is that not only I'm behind on my work but since I haven't studied shit I won't feel calm enough to make art tonight#AGAIN#because i'll feel like I need to at least try to study some more and I will fail because I'll be too tired#and I bet that then I'll just go to sleep#the thing is... making art and specifically the piece I'm working on is more important than my studies#so on one hand I'm trying to guilt trip and convince myself it's ok and I should art#on the other it feels morally wrong and irresponsible and stupid not to at least try to study some more when I've been so unproductive#the topic is derailing but at this point I'm just holding a soliloquy in my tags#vaneggiando
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