#on from that haha 🥰

[suffarustuffaru]

hey guys u know how like reinhard can come back to life right after dying anyway what if u decapitate him and then his headless body casually gets back up and calmly puts his head back on like how fucked up would that be haha

[stinkybrowndogs]

Obsessed with your username. I have a brown dog that one day we just decided was stinky. She did nothing to deserve that, but now it's her nickname

I must say, you have a truly quality Stinky Brow Dog

Just look at her. Freaking BROWN.

And as this is a Brown Dog Propaganda blog first and foremost, perhaps I can interest you in a smaller, rounder version of your Brown Dog

We have two models available, both come with the Stinky extension pre-downloaded!

[choccy-milky]

now that i have it in person i tried cloras hairclip and I LOVE IT SO MUCHHH💖💖💖 ill probably never actually wear it in my hair BAHAHA but i love having it regardless🙏😭 now i just need to commission myself a seb to go along with it😇😇 (also one of my readers got this commissioned too and AAA??🥹SO COOL!!! I HOPE YOU ALSO LIKE IT WHEN IT ARRIVES/IF IT ALREADY DID💖💖 and thank u again to joinhas/marcia on etsy!!🧎‍♀��)

[elitadream]

Saw you mentioning your professional work and that made me curious. What is it that you do irl? :0

Oh, well a few different things! Mainly speaking, I'm an art teacher. 😁🎨 I give drawing and painting classes to both youngsters and adults! But I'm also a part-time bookstore clerk and a bit of a freelance artist as well. Something that I particularly enjoy for quick/simple contracts is pet portraits. They're always a big win with clients and animals will never not be my favorite subject to illustrate. 🥰🐾

[arwenkenobi48]

Enmu really gives “talk to the hand” a whole new meaning

I’ll see myself out-

[bewitching-666]

also on a different note, a friend from work surprised me by hugging me from behind and she wrapped her arms around me and I could feel her head touching my mid back (she is much shorter than me) and it was so cute🥹

[enchanteriv]

Jeffrey Russo

Teresa's good acquaintance and close friend. Let's just say... a friend with "benefits". Because they both don't see each other in a relationship and just have a good time together.

Anyway, her family likes him and he is someone who knows how to make the "right" impression so has a lot of friends, acquaintances and connections.

He used to work at one of her father's hotels as a manager, but suddenly quit. Now he says he's got a better job, and Tess would be well advised to ask what he actually does.

[true-blue-sonic]

Good morning/afternoon/evening! :D

🧡+Espilver for the ask game!

I really love your writing! It's so yummy if you know what I mean hehe, especially the espilver fanfics/oneshots! I must say you are one of my favorite authors :D

That is very kind of you, thank you for the compliments!💕💕

🧡 kissing in bed / lazy kiss / cuddling

"Do you think we're ever going to need a bigger bed?"

Pensively Silver studies the bed he and Espio have found themselves in- or rather, Espio's bed, really. Sure, when Silver had decided to stay in the past for good, the chameleon gallantly offered that the hedgehog was welcome to sleep in it. Together with him, as Silver would find out that very night; it had made a great day only better. But a lot of time has passed since then, and where the two of them had previously fitted perfectly snugly on the same mattress while laying on their backs as fluff and scales brushed together...

Sparks of cyan tugging Espio a bit closer so he doesn't topple right to the ground, what with how precariously he's teetering right at the edge of the bed, Silver hums. "You know, because of this."

Espio for his part merely raises an eyebrow as if he didn't nearly eat carpet two seconds ago. "Why? The two of us fit quite nicely, don't we?" follows, a gesture past their bodies following. Their bodies that are absolutely a bit taller and larger than when they met, and thus Silver pointedly prods Espio on his horn.

"You said I got broader shoulders. And I definitely got taller, too."

"I have not missed that," Espio, still the tallest between the two of them but secretly fearing to lose that spot, Silver heard from Vector once, nods sagely. "There is just one problem, love. Even if we need it... we can't pay for it."

"...Hm. Okay, good point." With how the Chaotix seem cursed to experience financial woes any other day, Silver can easily piece together that a whole new bed is perhaps not a main priority right now. That means they need to adapt until then; nothing he isn't used to, luckily. But... Scooting backwards as far as he can the hedgehog grimaces as his spines hits the wall far too quickly. Espio can lay down like this, if the both of them are on their sides-

Which allows for opportunities, Silver realises as his grimace flips right into a little grin. Promptly he scrambles around so he faces the wall instead, demanding psychokinesis tugging Espio right against the curve of his body. "But this will solve that, no?"

Espio knocks against him, a huff of breath sinking into Silver's mane as the chameleon flounders. "Silver-! Well, possibly," the response comes, followed by a bemoaning "However, I always sleep on my back, so we do need to find something for that."

Contently huffing as Espio's arm wraps itself around Silver's body the hedgehog nods. "I can sleep on your stomach tonight, then."

"Tenshi," the bemoaning-er response follows, "you also got heavier."

"So did you," Silver wastes no time in retorting, ears flicking madly. Not his fault that he's getting bigger and stronger by the day! But from what little he can crane his head around to glare at Espio he can easily glean the more amused little look on his beloved's face, a peck pressed between the two large quills on his head.

"Perhaps we can create something ourselves, with old furniture. We've got time to spare, after all. And then we can sleep in spacious comfort once more."

"First cuddles," Silver smugly orders, because he's found quite the comfy position like this, and he's not going to let Espio go until he's got his share of affection for rescuing the other's very life just now and also payment for these horrible teases. Luckily they can still fit on the bed in this way...

But if they do not anymore one day, he's really going to demand Espio get them more space to sleep in, Silver promises to himself.

Anything to safeguard these cuddles.

[lucielles-balls]

[fitzrove]

Not only have several of my former classmates gotten married, just found out that now one is having a kid?? 😭😭 just reiterating: i cant believe some people my age are doing that dklsldls. Where do they find time to work/study AND develop intricate crown prince rudolf headcanons once they do that

[typheus]

Day 6 Past!

(no new art. my arm hurts. yall get grimm sketches instead)

So when grimm was born she was stolen n sold. Cause her parents pissed off agate at some point :/

Where she was sold to is a research facility that worked on cures for various diseases.

Yknow the episode of doctor who with the cat nurses? This one :

It's like that.

When she was 5 agate decided to rob the place she was at n took all the patients so they'd have to buy em back. She didn't know who grimm was. But she did decide to keep her so that's where grimms been since :3c

She n felicity got married when she was 12 cause ppl kept asking agate if they could n she got really annoyed so made grimm pick someone on the ship :/

When she was 16 is when ferris unwillingly joined the ship, she blinded him in one eye in the process but they quickly became friends after :)

Then at 20 she died. Then got kidnapped by cosmo n lauren. Then agate got her back n made cosmo n lauren also unwillingly join the ship! As one does :)

Now she is 23 (20(3)) and she is the worst girl in the universe!

She also is still sick and gets sick pretty often cause the whole labrat thing. And since cosmo n lauren are doctors that specifically work on sirens it's why agate decided they weren't leaving. Grimm makes their lives hell tho cause she is Terrified of hospitals/doctors/needles ect ect

Uhh let's see. She has 6 siblings 1 is human the others are all agates kids. The 5 that are agates all hate agate n want her dead. The 1 human is another kid agate stole at some point, he's currently on earth! He is 35 (not really important for bitten off but is for Sloan n Beatrices story)

[suddencolds]

~

[wellitsjustmeagain]

Look. The first week back to work was fucking trash. I worked late several nights, all day on my day off, and cried somewhere in the middle at least twice because it felt like nothing would ever change... But then we had an office holiday party, and there was a Muppet themed murder mystery party, and then today I went on a big selfie scavenger hunt to find things for a challenge my grandma does every December.

And I'm so thankful for the amount of fun I've genuinely had the last few days that's made all the chaos brighter and a little more manageable. And it's a nice reminder to just go explore and be a wild child more often 💕

[tangerinequeen19]

Few days ago i was wondering where is tumblr user tangerinequeen19, and here you are, yay!! 🎉

Hooray, thank you!! <333 It was a combination of being a busy week and restraining myself from making crabby posts ab fandom shenanigans 😬

[avirael]

Stuck on Repeat

He wanted to scream.

To scream and to cry and to be anywhere but here. But the best A’viloh could do was try not to tremble and instead follow Rael‘s example, who - despite the fact of being shackled and pushed around - still maintained a certain stubborn grace. He wished he knew how they did that.

What exactly was going on? A‘viloh wasn’t sure of that yet and it would take a while for him to process all of this. Everything had happened so fast. Suddenly the sultana had gasped for air, her goblet falling to the ground along with herself, soaking the expensive carpet with its dark red content. While A‘viloh had only stared in shock, Rael had immediately jumped up and was by Nanamo‘s side only split seconds after she collapsed. The next moment there had been guards everywhere and also that mean Lalafell accusing them of regicide. They had barely been able to say anything before the guards had grabbed them both, checked them for weapons and tied up their hands.

Now, as the door in front of them opened, the soldier behind A‘viloh gave him a rough push. The miqo‘te winced and stumbled forward into the room filled with people, all eyes on him. He lost his balance and with his hands tied behind his back, he landed rather ungracefully on the hard, cold stone tiles. His head started to spin, his vision began to blur, his heart was racing. It was all just too much and also too late to stop the memories that had buried their ugly dark claws deep in his mind. Miserably he gasped for air.

Rael hadn’t fallen but still knelt down and leaned towards him, wanting to make sure he was alright. „A‘vi! Please stay calm. I’m trying to find a way to get us out of this…“, the viera managed to whisper before someone pulled them away.

A’viloh still struggled to sit up and at the same time tried desperately to see where Rael had gone, when someone grabbed one of his arms and a handful of his hair and yanked him into a kneeling position. He pressed his eyes shut and tried to breathe, tried to not let the fear and the memories overwhelm him, but a small whimper still made it past his lips. He fought against his own mind, racing and about to shut itself off from all of this.

„Stop it!“, Rael hissed angrily. What else than complain could they do with their hands tied behind their back. The brass blade turned his attention to the viera instead of A’viloh. „Shut up!“, the man growled and struck Rael across the face with the back of his hand. They gasped and when they looked up again a moment later, with a mix of shock and indignation on their face, their lower lip was split and bloody.

Ashamed A’viloh stared to the ground and tried to pretend that this wasn’t his fault while the voices and turmoil around him faded to the background. Instead his mind was filled with questions and fears. Would they be executed? Thrown in jail? What had happened to Nanamo? Would their friends at least get out of this with their lifes, if Rael and him were made responsible?

Suddenly something touched his shoulder and pulled him out of his thoughts. A’viloh gave an alarmed shriek.

„Shhh!“, Rael shushed him, leaning their shoulder against his. Worried they glanced at him. „You were gone for a moment weren’t you?“ A’viloh didn’t answer but that wasn’t necessary. Rael sighed deeply. „Give me your hands. Maybe I can loosen the knots…“

Working behind their backs Rael tried their best but it was impossible. The angle was bad, they didn’t see what they were doing and the knots were simply too tight. On their own the two of them would never make it out of their ties. “Seven hells!”, Rael cursed. “I would sooner chew through these things than get that knot open!”

It was a funny imagination and under different circumstances A’viloh would maybe have laughed about it. Instead he turned to look at them and offered a sad smile. “It’s alright. At least you tried…I’m sorry about your lip.”

The viera looked surprised and then shook their head. “Don’t worry. I can fix that.”

Suddenly the turmoil around them got even worse. A’viloh only now noticed the screams and the fighting. “What’s happening?”

“Raubahn killed Adeledji. Tried to kill Lolorito too. Panic broke out and now he is fighting Ilberd. But I honestly don't think he has a chance...”

As if to confirm this, one of the giant stone pillars exploded under a heavy misaimed hit and through the cloud of dust and rubble Raubahn was hurled through the air and landed right beside them. With a swift movement of his blade he cut their ties and only then as he stood up, rubbing his wrists, A’viloh noticed that the Flame General was missing an arm.

But there was no time to question how that had happened and what else he might have missed while dissociating. Confidently as ever Raubahn spoke up saying that he never doubted them or the Scions and that they should flee. A’viloh was still to dazed to argue against that and so let Rael pull him along, to Minfilia and the others and then out of the palace.

As they hurried down the stairs of the Royal Promenade Thancred ran towards them and with a sudden peng of guilt A’viloh realised that he had been so shaken until now that he hadn’t even noticed yet that the Hyur hadn’t been with them. Thancred warned them that Lolorito’s soldiers had already taken control of all important points in the city and that it would be impossible to just walk out through the city gates. Luckily he offered another plan. Rumours about very old secret passages leading out of the city and luckily he knew how to get there.

But just as they wanted to leave the heavy steps and yells of the brass blades got closer.

“Go ahead! I’ll handle this!”, Yda exclaimed and turned towards the soldiers.

Papalymo made an incredulous face. “By yourself?! …I suppose I shall just have to join you.”

Rael offered to help them too. Papalymo and the viera could cause quite the destruction together that was certain but the thought of leaving any of them behind made A’viloh sick. There had to be a different way. One were all of them got out of here together.

“Don’t!”, he croaked and hated how his voice sounded a lot quieter and squeakier than he had intended. Had anybody heard him at all? But before he could say anything else or before Rael could join Yda and Papalymo, the Lalafell shot a fireball at the mechanism that held the palace gate open and with a roaring sound it crashed down and cut of the path between the two of them and the rest of the group. It would give them some time but neither Minfilia nor A’viloh seemed to be willing to leave without their friends. Helplessly and pleading the Miqo’te reached through the bars with one arm and stretched out a hand towards his friends. A’viloh and Yda had quickly befriended each other after meeting for the first time. They had spent a lot of time training together and Yda had soon become one of his dearest friends among the Scions. The thought that something could happen to her was unbearable for him. “Yda! Please!”

But the girl laughed at him and locked her fingers with his for a second. “Don’t worry, A’vi! We’ll see you later!” Confidently she smiled at him before she let go of his hand and turned back around to face the soldiers that had almost caught up to them.

The others called out for them and reluctantly Minfilia and A’viloh followed. There was nothing else they could do now apart from making Yda’ and Papalymo’s efforts worth it and get out of here before more soldiers appeared.

In a haste they ran through the decorated corridors of the palace district and luckily the entrance to the secret passage was exactly were Thancred had suspected it to be. The tunnels were bigger and more complex than A’viloh would have thought and for quite a while they ran through dusty old corridors trying to find the right way that would lead them out of the city.

After a while the echoes of yells and footsteps appeared again and unlike them their pusuers seemed to know the ways down here. They tried to hurry but in no time the voices were coming closer and closer.

“I will stop them.”, Y’shtola exclaimed and abruptly stood still, making everyone else pause for a moment as well. “You go on ahead!”

“No…”, A’viloh protested, he wasn’t willing to leave any more people behind. But Thancred nodded. “Then I will stay too! It would be rude to let you fight alone…”

“No! This is all wrong!”, A’vi repeated a little more loudly. “Let me and Rael fight them, we can defeat them surely.”

Y’shtola shook her head. “Not that many of them…” and Thancred agreed, “The two of you are far too important to get captured...” He didnt say or worse but it was clearly there.

“But…” A’viloh wanted to protest but what was there to say? So he just helplessly stared from one of them to the other. Instead Rael nodded. “Alright!”

“No! Nothing’s alright!”, A’viloh exclaimed pleadingly. „There has to be another way!“

“No, there isn’t.” Thancred said and put his hands on A’viloh’s shoulders. „Listen! There is no time. You have to get out of here, do you hear me? And you have to get Minfilia to safety. Look at me A’vi!“

He slightly shook him and despite the closeness between them A’vi did as he was told.

“Can you promise me that? To get yourself and Minfilia to safety?”, the Hyur asked with a serious voice.

Pleadingly A’vi stared at Thancred’s face wondering if it would be the last time he was going to see it. He hadn’t stopped shaking since Ilberd’s soldiers had put him in chains but now it got worse again. Nonetheless he nodded slightly.

“Good.“ Thancred said and nodded too, but hesitated to let go of him.

A strange expression appeared on his face, one A’viloh never had seen on him before. A mixture of doubt and maybe fear? Thancred sighed and muttered “Just in case…“ more to himself than anybody else but A’vi was close enough to hear it anyway.

A’viloh hadn’t expected at all what happened next. Before he even realised it, Thancred had leaned down, closed the gap between them and kissed him. He was too shocked to react, too confused as well, so he just let it happen. Weirdly this made him feel better but also hopelessly sad at the same time. What was he doing here? This was crazy! Maybe he would later curse himself for allowing this or he would wish he hadn’t wasted this moment like this but before he had figured out how to feel or to react the moment was over. Thancred pulled back a little and looked like he already regretted either what he did or simply having to let him go. Or maybe that was just how A'viloh felt himself. “Consider this my lucky charm…“, the hyur whispered, barely audible, and weakly smiled at him.

Then he pushed A’vi away, as gently as the urgency of the situation allowed, and spoke up louder to all of them.

„Now, get out of here!“

„No!“, the Miqo’te whimpered, his hands tried to hold on to Thancred’s arm but he ignored him and looked at Rael instead. „Get them out of here, please. I’m counting on you.“

The viera looked annoyed, more than usually, but nodded without a word and only when A’vi felt their hands at his arms pulling him away, he realised they were all still here watching him. At any other occasion he would have felt horribly embarrassed now but all he could think of right now was that he couldn’t leave all of his friends behind here to fight, and possibly die, while he fled to safety. He didn’t want to run any longer. But Rael seemed to share Thancred’s opinion.

“Come on, A’vi. We can’t waste time now. Every single soldier in this twelves-forsaken city is after us now, we can’t fight our way out of this. There’s no way to set this right if we don’t get out of here first.”, they explained as calmly as they could in this situation, then grabbed A’vi’s hand and dragged him along as they ran. A’viloh followed on stumbling feet but only because his body had long since stopped listening to anything his brain screamed at him. Stop! Go back! Fight!

Rael’s words made sense but still… weakly he tried to look back and see what was happening behind them but then Rael and Minfilia took a turn into another tunnel and he lost sight of Y’shtola and Thancred. For another while he just numbly let the viera pull him along until they abruptly stopped at an intersection.

“There is light! The exit must be right around that corner!”, Rael announced pointing to one of the tunnels.

Minfilia nodded. “I think so too. But I have somewhere else to go. Hydaelyn speaks to me, I have to stay behind but you two, you cannot stay with me.”

Rael shook their head: “We promised to protect you and I don’t plan to break that promise.”

Minfilia smiled kindly.

“I release you from this promise. Instead promise me to flee and clear our names for us! You are the only ones who can do this. I have a different task to fulfil. Please, you must go on! You are the Warriors of Light! You are hope - for the Scions, and for all the realm! As long as your flame continues to burn, the light of the dawn may ever be relit! You must escape, and save Eorzea from those who would plunge it into darkness! This is the only way...”

Rael grimaced but nodded. “Fine…”

A’viloh on the other hand just weakly shook his head. Words had long failed him and with every minute all of this felt more and more like it was happening to someone else and not him. Like all of this couldn’t be real. Like it was a horrible, weird dream that he would wake up from every second now! How had everything escalated so fast?

Minfilia saw his expression and put her arms around him in a tight hug. “Don’t blame yourself for this, A’vi. None of this is your fault. Everything will be alright, I promise.“

Then she ran in the opposite direction and all A’viloh could do was watch her vanish in the maze of tunnels.

After a few seconds Rael took his hand again and A’vi snapped back to attention watching the Viera’s free hand point towards the light. “Let’s go, the exit is right there.”

But A’viloh refused, even if his voice was nothing but a weak whisper. “No, please go alone. I’ll follow Minfilia. Someone has to protect her.”

Rael growled. “Were you listening at all? Do you want all of this to be in vain? I know this is difficult for you, but so it is for me!“

“But-“, A’viloh tried to protest but Rael looked like they almost wanted to hit him and angrily yelled at him. “I want you to be safe too, you know?! I would gladly stay behind and fight if it meant you and the other’s were safe but the best we can do now is run!”

Before A’vi could say anything else a deafening crash sounded through the tunnels. Alarmed they both stared back the way they came. The walls and the floor seemed to tremble and a roaring sound echoed down the tunnel and came closer and closer.

“Oh no!”, Rael gasped. “The ceiling is coming down! We have to get out of here! Now!”

“The ceiling?!”, A’vi shrieked. “But what of the others? We need to — Let go of me!!”, he protested as Rael tried to drag him out of the tunnel.

“It’s too late now, A’vi. Please!”, the viera pleaded but A’vi struggled and screamed. They almost wouldn’t have made it out in time. Just as the cloud of dust and rubble hit the protective barrier Rael had summoned up to shield them they were catapulted backwards by a burst of magic the last few meters out of the ruins and into the late afternoon sun.

Both of them coughed from the dust and it took a moment until they could see anything again. The entrance to the tunnels had collapsed entirely, lots of small and bigger pieces of stones lay in a huge pile in front of what was barely recognisable as the tunnel entrance anymore.

Shocked A’vi stared at the rubble for a few seconds before he began to scream again. Quickly he jumped up and tried to get the stones out of his way, to find a way back in, but of course it was hopeless. The old broken stones were too many and too heavy for him. They wouldn't give in to his pleading. "No! Please, no..."

As calm and soothing as they could Rael took his hands and spoke to him. “A’vi. Not now. There’s nothing we can do now…”

Slowly he let Rael turn him around. He looked at the viera, his eyes filled with tears, before he wordlessly threw his arms around Rael‘s neck. „I‘m so sorry…“, he whispered after a moment of just silently clinging to them.

Rael shook their head. „Not your fault…“

A’viloh didn’t answer to that. Instead he sullenly looked at Rael for a moment before he dared to ask, „Do you think they are dead?“

Rael sighed and then grimaced. „I’m not going to lie to you, A’vi. I honestly don’t know, but it really doesn’t look good…“

The Miqo’te just nodded weakly, the corner of his mouth twitching for a second. He appreciated the honesty but he had hoped for something a little more reassuring.

Rael carefully squeezed his shoulder. „But maybe they aren’t. We will figure that out, I promise. But first we have to proof that we did NOT kill Nanamo... We should really go now…“

„Thank you. I would be lost without you…“, A’viloh muttered and followed Rael along the railroads leading towards Blackbrush station, defeated and disheartened. Silently he wondered if there was a safe place now for them at all and how they possibly could manage to clear their names…

[starry-on-ao3]

Perhaps farmody (platonic or romantic) for "14. things you said after you kissed me" or one of the crying ones?

Hey Egg!! Aw thank you for the ask, and I do apologise.... Got a little carried away with this one lol. Hope you enjoy 🤗🥰 this is written in first person pov from Carmody's perspective 🥰 it's a new style for me! Hope you enjoy 🤗

Sitting here, watching your favourite vinyl spin around and around, watching that little needle follow the gentle curves of the music and letting that music find my ears, the same way it used to find yours, soft brass and gentle plucks and ethereal strings, I feel as if the very strings in my heart might snap with love for you.

My mind follows that music, and captures a memory floating around me in the living room, and it's the memory of the first time you kissed me.

Well, not me, per se.

My knuckles, after I'd gotten a very bad peck from that fiesty rooster with bumblefoot. You weren't long returned from Egypt, but the first sparks of our romance were undeniably true and pure and rich and everything, and I felt swept away on the wind with you - I still do - but, unprepared as I was for you to dance into my life (or perhaps a better word would be waltz, like the fairies in A Midsummer Nights Dream, the characters you so often like to play at charades, perhaps knowing that I am the only one who will get your reference, perhaps signalling to me that we are one and alike), I swept that side of me under the rug, the way that so many do when they are faced with a certainty so concrete and immovable and material and raw and pure - sweep, sweep, sweep it away, like Audrey's broom, working tirelessly around the clock to stifle it down–

And, of course, it was a complete utter failure.

Trying to keep it down only made it stronger, and the day I realised I could no longer resist you was when you kissed my knuckles, in the dispensary, the door closed and the grey, overcast sky filling the room with white, and you caught me disinfecting the scar from the rooster peck, and I probably looked white as a sheet for the amount of pain I was in - all you had to do was step over that threshold, close the door, cross the small room, and dab dab dab my hand with alcohol - and when you didn't let go, when you squeezed my fingers, when you kissed first my knuckles, and then the back of my hand, and left a pressure-less kiss on my new scar, you said, "There. All better."

You had me. You had me at, "There. All better."

Three otherwise meaningless, inconsequential words which meant no more to me than any other three words in the English language before that day, but they sounded different coming from you.

You make everything sound new, and different, and exciting, and it makes me think of the next time you kissed me - again, not me, per se - but this time, my knee.

Circling back to how you make everything feel new - I never thought I could enjoy a game of cricket as much as when I learned from you. Never my game, never anything that had taken my fancy, it found a new light and a new meaning - as did practically everything else in my life - when you taught me. I'm absolutely certain that for the first time in my life, I did not make a good student - but you didn't care - you were so patient with me, so kind, so encouraging, like others before you had never been - and when, inevitably, I fell, I hit my knee, and James and Siegfried had to carry me off the playing field - when, after the game, you found me in the changing rooms alone, nursing my injuries with a cold press - you took the cold press away, kneeling on the floor in front of me - your hand cupped my leg and your lips brushed my bone, and you said, "There. All better," and I was yours all over again.

And for days, when I'd close my eyes, when I'd see you behind my eyelids, when I'd hear your voice in my head at night - "There. All better," - it took every ounce of strength in me to stop myself from asking what you meant, what were your intentions, were you aware what you had done with my heart with those three little words–

And then you did it again - several weeks later, but which felt like a lifetime - I was having a migraine that morning - Siegfried had warned me I was spending too many hours of the day reading - but, let's be honest, in the evenings I couldn't focus, and I would spend hours, flicking pages, in the armchair in the corner, when all I'd really be doing was staring at you, across the top of my books, watching you - watching you try and fail to beat your brother at chess, watching you quietly sip red wine while listening to your vinyls, watching you play with baby Jimmy - nevertheless, I had a migraine that day and I couldn't function, and you caught me, mid-way from collapsing down, and put me into bed - your bed - which I stole - and as I law down, your lips caught my forehead as you pressed against it so softly, as if trying not to hurt me, and you said, once more, "There. All better."

You drove me halfway to insanity with that expression.

Sometimes I even considered faking an injury just to hear you say those words to me again, and I once had to stop myself from letting a ferret bite me because I knew, as soon as you found out, you would be by my side again, holding my hand - dare I dream that you might even kiss it once more - and saying, again, "There. All better."

The next time you said it to me - not for the last time, but the first time when I began to feel something crystallise in my heart - a knowledge that this wasn't just a friendship gesture anymore, but we were teetering on the edge of crossing a line into an unknown place - oh, how did it take me so long to realise? - it was when I banged my temple, on my left side, against an open kitchen cabinet, while bustling around the breakfast table, helping Audrey with the scrambled eggs - you noticed me rub my head in pain - I did it on purpose to see if you would notice - and if course you did, because I hadn't felt your eyes leave me for a moment in weeks - and when the food was eaten, the table cleared, the surgery open and the kitchen empty, we were the last to rise and get about our day - you caught me hesitating, and approached me, and held my gaze for an agonisingly long moment - and your hand found its way to my waist, and your lips to my temple, and you said, "There. All better."

And there it was again.

As you backed away from me - your lips pursed, my lips parted - your aftershave was all I could smell - sweet and citrusy - like the orange I caught you peeling later that day, while you were having lunch, in the courtyard - a summers day which will always be etched into my heart - you were sat by the bush by the wall, on the makeshift bench, which was really just a plank of wood stacked on top of a pile of bricks - I asked you where you got an orange in the war, and you just winked one beautiful eye at me, and said you knew someone who knew someone, and I didn't ask further questions, because I could honestly care less where you got the orange from - what I was more curious about what what those kisses meant, and whether there was any hope that they meant the same to you as they did to me–

And then you kissed me.

This time, not my hand or my knee or my temple - but me. My lips.

In one motion you stood up, stepped forward, dropped the orange on the ground, and your lips held mind while your hand held my waist, and it was all I could do to keep myself standing upright in that moment - but if I had collapsed, like my body wanted to, I would have had to stop kissing you, which was the furthest thing from my mind in that moment - the opposite, in fact - now that you had kissed me, all I could think was why hadn't I ever been brave enough to cross that threshold first. What had I been frightened of?

When we parted, you whispered, "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

I said, "I know."

From that day, to this day, not a single one has passed that you haven't kissed me - in the sleepy mornings, waking up next to you, you kiss my shoulder and you say, "Morning, love," and I reply, "Morning, dear," - in the living room, when the house is silent, when I'm reading in my armchair (and I'm actually reading this time, not just pretending to), you kiss the top of my head, and you say, "Happy reading," - in the kitchen, after breakfast, with coffee on your breath and tea on mine, when we're alone, you kiss my cheek and you say, "Have a good day, love," - in the dispensary, with the door closed, you hold me from behind and kiss just behind my ear and say, "I missed you in Doncaster," - by the doorway, as you were leaving, because you were needed, apparently more by your country than by me, you kissed my lips once more, and said, "I'll write when I can. I love you."

Leaving only me, with this vinyl disc, watching it spin around and around and around and around, alone for the first time in months - I curl up, in my armchair, fixated with this record, wishing this music would carry me to wherever you are, so I could keep you safe, keep you warm, keep you next to me, where you belong.