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#delete later perhaps because i know this is truly a yap post. (i apologize)
suddencolds
ยท
2 months
Text
~
#very random (not snz) haha but
#does anyone else feel like their social battery fluctuates like. 0 to 100 with no middle ground or is this perhaps something wrong with me
#i will go for weeks without having the social energy to talk to people i love and treasure ๐ญ
#maybe it's a lack of dopamine in general idk... would not be thrilled to add another mental illness to the list
#but then i'll have a night where i am super talkative and happily reply to half the people i've been talking to
#or times when i send off all my responses and sit at my laptop like when are my friends going to reply ๐ i can't wait to talk to them ๐
#i apologize if you have personally been on the receiving end of my extreme inconsistency ๐ญ
#i have been thinking about it recently and i think that's in part the reason why i also gravitate towards long form conversations;
#it feels mentally easier for me to deliver a meaningful response once in a blue moon than like sustain that level of
#conversational depth on a more consistent basis? because i am inconsistent
#but sometimes in the long wait between responses (which i have arguably played a large role in establishing) i feel unexpectedly social and
#then feel strangely lonely ๐ญ (๐คก)... truly i feel like i am lowkey a badly adjusted adult
#this is not a catastrophizing post (though i did catastrophize slightly more over it in past weeks); just passive musings atp
#i go through similar flows with artistic motivation but the highs and lows are not synced with my social energy at all
#i think i am someone who likes to analyze my habits just as a whole because i really enjoy optimizing for things ๐ญ so this tendency in
#particular really perplexes me
#delete later perhaps because i know this is truly a yap post. (i apologize)
#i met with a friend earlier irl and this might be the remnants of the social energy from seeing her or it might be a function of
#the drink i had (strawberry matcha ๐ฅฐ) if you have read this far i apologize personally
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