#LITERALLY NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO DIE HES JUST STUCK CONSTANTLY CHOOSING DUTY OVER EVERYTHING…

[suffarustuffaru]

hey guys u know how like reinhard can come back to life right after dying anyway what if u decapitate him and then his headless body casually gets back up and calmly puts his head back on like how fucked up would that be haha

[agmapansa3008]

This is for @phupha because it's gonna be too long for an ask. It's Phupha love time. This is long, so it continues under the cut:

So that man is a mess. We love him, but he's a mess. He's been alone for a long time, yes he has friends and yes he thought of Torfun as his sister, but he's been alone a lot. All of the Rangers and Dr Nam have mentioned that he's never really had anyone special, even if Yod and Rang have suspected that Torfun was that special person to him. (It’s interesting that they don't know he's gay. It means that basically, only Dr Nam knows him completely, which is sad but not surprising.)

He's a man, who is dedicated to his cause: Protecting the village and the forests. He won't regret dying for it, but he will regret causing people, who care about him, pain if he does. So he's keeping people at a distance. Again, sad but understandable.

Then Torfun dies, the person who “killed” her isn’t caught, and he’s tasked by his superior to protect his son, who is meant to take her place. He knows who Tian is, he might have heard stories about Tian, so he’s determined to keep his promise to his superior, but he has no illusion that he will like it. Both, the man Tian talked to, to become the volunteer teacher and several other villagers have mentioned that some students came to teach, only for the stories, the credit or the social media cloud. Torfun was probably one of very few, who actually stuck the term out, and who actually fell in love with the little village and its people. So no, Phupha doesn’t think this boy, who’s probably known for being fickle will be a good teacher. He’s prepared to satisfy his whims, send him back home safe and sound and wait for the next teacher.

And then he meets Tian and the boy literally faints into his arms. 

Talk about a meet-cute, that Phupha was not expecting. 

So he spends time with Tian, first to fulfil his duty and then slowly just because he’s starting to like this kid. He’s very different from the stories he might have heard or from what Phupha has expected. He’s bright, he’s caring and most importantly, he’s really trying. And not just with the kids, he’s actively trying to integrate himself into the village and to help its people. 

So something happens, that Phupha has absolutely not expected. He falls in love. Probably for the first time in years (if ever). He panics. And while he’s honestly a pro at flirting (seriously, some of his lines are amazing), when it comes to actual feelings and genuine moments, he’s utterly useless and it’s quite adorable. 

So we have Phupha, a man who’s constantly keeping people at a distance - too afraid to care for them in case they leave and too afraid to make them care for him, in case he dies - falling in love with the temporary volunteer teacher. Setting aside the fact that the kid is accident-prone, has a heart condition and can’t keep himself out of trouble, he’s still going to leave eventually as all the teachers do.

And Phupha doesn’t want him to be tied down. He wants him to thrive, to live the best life he can. What he, of course, doesn’t realise is that Tian is currently living the best life he can. He’s finally doing something he wants to do, he’s finally feeling like he’s achieving something and he’s finally happy. Phupha doesn’t know that. He might know that Tian is happy in the moment, but he doesn’t know that Tian was lacking happiness in the life he left behind. 

So his initial thought is to send him packing. And Dr Nam manages to change his mind enough for him to actually ask Tian to stay longer.

They are happy.

And then the bombshell is dropped on that happiness, that Tian allegedly killed Torfun and has her heart. The bubble is burst and Phupha is overwhelmed. We’ve seen him struggle with emotions before. He keeps people at a distant, seems strict and silent and doesn’t really know how to express himself. So something in him snaps. It’s not rational to call Tian out in front of the whole village, it’s not planned or controlled. His feelings overwhelm him and he needs answers, so he snaps. Even Nam is surprised by his brash action. Phupha regrets it instantly, you can see the hurt in his eyes when he’s looking at a crying Tian - his own hurt and hurt for Tian because he still loves him, but his feelings are utter chaos.

So he reverts back to cold and distant. 

Of course, we feel bad for Tian, but Phupha is absolutely within his right to pull away, to keep his distance and yes to be angry. Because this person, who managed to climb the walls he has built up, to find a place his heart and stay, lied: Not only that he knew of Torfun, but what happened to her. Again, the person who hit her was never found, the rangers never had the closure of knowing what exactly happened. And now, suddenly Phupha is confronted with the thought that the person he fell in love with was the culprit. It was a hit and run. In his mind, Tian hit Torfun and fled, causing her to die alone. That’s not something you can just get over. That’s betrayal and hurt and grief and renewed mourning. He’s human. He’s entitled to his feelings, he allowed to be irrational and to lash out. Of course, we feel for Tian. But why can’t we also feel for Phupha?

And then everything happens at once. He finds out that Tian didn’t kill Torfun after all, he finds him captured and he gets shot. They talk, they makeup and finally it seems that they have a chance at happiness. Their issues are talked about, their feelings are pretty open and it’s peaceful. And then Tian’s father and Phupha’s superior has to return and drop another bombshell on both of them. 

And yes, Phupha is making a mistake here, but he’s genuinely feeling that it’s the right thing to do. He’s heartbroken but it’s for Tian. As mentioned before, he doesn’t know that Tian didn’t leave much behind in Bangkok. He hears about his parents missing him, hears about what Tian’s allegedly giving up and thinks that he has to keep Tian from making a mistake. Phupha doesn’t have his parents anymore, he himself didn’t really have any other plans than follow in his father’s footsteps. He’s used to his linear life, but he doesn’t think that Tian realises what he might be giving up if he chooses to stay. Stay in the village and also stay with Phupha. It doesn’t occur to him that Tian has a very different relationship with his parents than he himself probably had. That Tian didn’t find happiness in all the choices he had in Bangkok but did find happiness in the small bubble that is Pha Pun Dao. 

So we get the frustrating montage of “I will make you hate me, so you leaving won’t hurt you as much”. 

He should have talked to Tian about it, should have given him enough credit that he’s mature enough to know what he wants in life. He should have, yes, but he truly does want what’s best for Tian. And thanks to Dr Nam, Tian also realises Phupha’s actual intentions. He might not like them, but at least he knows them.

Tian asks him if he will forget about him. It’s telling that Phupha doesn’t ask him the same. Yes, he gives him the ring, but that’s more a sign of his love for Tian than something for Tian to remember him by. Phupha thinks Tian will return to Bangkok and forget about him. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. “It will hurt for a while but eventually it will fade.” He said to Nam. He didn’t mean himself, he meant Tian.

That idiot is absolutely sure that Tian will return to Bangkok and forget about him. I can’t wait for him to realise that he’s worth so much more in Tian’s eyes.

Again, he’s a mess and we love him.

He’s human. He’s allowed to be a mess.

[skulljar]

WHY MAERI NAMING HERSELF THE SURVIVOR IS VERY COOL

Okay I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I don’t know if it’s meant to be this deep or if I’m just Reading Into It but here’s why I love Maeri choosing her name to be the Survivor:

(I’m putting it under a cut because it got kinda long hehe)  

1: How it relates to the Forces

Surviving is like, a near perfect intersection of nature and war.

So Maeri’s mama, Kai, got her power from the Beast gods, i.e kids of Telliah, the Force of Nature. And Torva, her dad, is the kid of Rayl the Force of War. The idea of survival carries connotations of a struggle, of a fight. It makes you think of like, lions killing zebras. You understand why the zebra runs away, but you also understand why that lion has to chow down, y’know?

Listen, I’m not terribly great at metaphors, but I think survival is a pretty obvious interaction between nature and war. And again, I dunno if Kat put a bunch of thought into this, but having Maeri choose a name that relates to both her mother’s and father’s Force? That’s pretty neat!

Especially with Maeri being the first god to be the descendant of two Forces. Like, it makes me wonder what would have happened is she had chosen a name that only related to one Force. Or even neither. Like, would the Forces have allowed that? Would naming herself have even worked? I think that Kat said she never really had a second choice for Maeri’s name, but still! Cool stuff to think about!

2: How it relates to her parents

Torva:

The dynamic between Torva the Conqueror and Maeri naming herself the Survivor? Simply delicious.

So Torva can’t not be the Conqueror, right? Like he has to be. And I think that he doesn’t seem to like it is just so interesting. When he is talking with Maeri on the wall of Ilfra he says: ‘It’s always been a game. One that I have been tasked with playing the villain in again and again...I’m forced to play this game, just as you are.’ And isn’t that like, just the dynamic between Maeri and Torva broken down?

Torva is tasked to conquer the world over and over again because it’s simply in his nature. But Maeri chose a name which directly opposes that sentiment. She gives herself the role which so far has prevented Torva from achieving his goals and thereby she makes it so that unless one of them is killed, they are stuck in this cycle of destruction and rebirth.

How many times has Avelis been ended by Torva? Three times? And people always come back. Maeri says it herself ‘We survive and we will always survive because that is what it is to be mortal.’ As a consequence of creating a new god who ideologically is a mortal, Torva unwittingly created the embodiment of both his failure and his objective.

Think of it like this: people can survive without a conqueror but Torva cannot fulfill his purpose without people to subjugate. When talking with Maeri he says: ‘I will not be free of this burden… to conquer and destroy until all of these pathetic mortals are under my control or dead.’ But I don’t think that's true.

I mean, even if Torva was to conquer Avelis, leaving people to survive would ultimately lead to rebellions and revolutions and what not because that's just what people do when they’re under a dictator. On the other hand, if Torva kills all mortals, what is left to conquer? The other gods? I know he’s on a mission to kill the Forces, but what happens to him after that? That’s where he gets his power, after all.

So, hypothetically, even if he managed to conquer all mortals, all gods, the Forces and, hell, lets just throw in the those mysterious sleeping giants for good measure, I think he still wouldn’t feel fulfilled because he constantly wants more. He’s Torva the Conqueror, not Torva the Satisfied Tyrant.

Kai:

Kai was (is?) the goddess of Sacrifice. She was sacrificed as a child to Fenrir. She sacrificed her daughters to keep herself alive. But due to her barter with Torva she chooses to do what she named herself to do and sacrifices herself for the life of her child (however messed up her motivations might have been.) I probably have some more things to say about how interesting it is that Kai is simultaneously the one sacrificing and the sacrificed. As in, how nebulous her title really is, but I wanna talk about Maeri. I mean, from birth she was quite literally the survivor, right?

I want to think about Maeri’s relationship with sacrifice and how that feeds into her as the Survivor. Throughout the story, Maeri is consistently shown to be self sacrificing. As soon as Estra fell she discharged the Guardian’s from their duty to her, despite her own fear and self interest. The amount of times she has refused to heal herself in favour of her friends?? Is insane?? Maeri constantly does everything in her power to make the people around her survive, even at the end of Arc 5, she sacrifices herself to take out Torva.

I don’t really think this needs to be spelled out, but Maeri’s title as the Survivor is less about her ensuring her own personal survival and more about her deep desire to make sure everyone around her will continue on. I mean, the choice of naming herself is, in a way, a self sacrificing action. By giving herself a name, Maeri sacrifices her humanity, which is ironic given the reasoning for the name she chooses.

And like, once again I don’t know if Kat put this much thought into it, but Maeri’s relationship with sacrifice and survival is Very interesting when you think about her parentage and Kai’s relationship with survival.

As the world burned, Kai sacrificed the lives of the gods who raised her in order to ensure the continued existence of the mortals in her care. In that same vein, she chose to sacrifice her own daughters, instead of other people’s children, to make sure she could reincarnate. Now, here’s the thing, Kai has established that she willing to make sacrifices of people close to her for ‘the greater good’ or whatever, so why did she chose to barter with Torva?

Her reincarnating into her daughters could be argued to be something righteous—taking on the burden of sacrifice in order to keep Estra afloat—but it could just as easily be simply interpreted as her sacrificing her daughters to prolong her own life.

I don’t exactly remember if Kai knew she was makin’ a baby with Torva and willingly gave birth to Maeri (Although I’m pretty sure she did?? Correct me if I’m wrong though!!) But if she did, she chose to die despite knowing that Estra would be unlikely to survive without her. So Kai knowingly allowed her daughter to survive (thereby sacrificing herself) at the detriment of the people she swore to protect in order to what?? Possibly get rid of Torva?? Have some good old godly fun?? Was she just tired of the responsibility? Again, I can’t exactly remember Kai’s motivations, so if I’m forgetting something please, please let me know.

What I’m trying to get at is: Kai is SO morally ambiguous, holy heck. So far she has been shown to always be prepared to sacrifice the people she cares for as a means to an end. And I think that that stems directly from her childhood of being a literal human sacrifice so that her village would prosper.

So basically: Kai is willing to sacrifice others for survival, while Maeri nearly always sacrifices herself for others survival.

TL;DR

Torva the Conqueror makes a baby with Kai the Sacrifice and he expects to get a kid that won’t oppose him?? What a fuckin’ knobhead lmao.