#on accident wouldnt. kill me again. worst time of my life. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heyitsyn · 4 years

Text

Mess Up

TimeTraveler!Son x Haikyuu!!

a/n: lmao im really sorry about this :’( this is just a brain dump and something i thought of while i was watching the stage play and i was thinking about it last night until i fell asleep

p.s. your son’s name is natsu in this one and hes an oc so dont be confused as to who this guy is 😂

summary: your son accidentally stumbles through time and the only way he can go back is if his mother and father get together. the only problem? he doesnt know who his father is

he,,,, messed up

that was clear the moment he woke up to a supposed bicycle accident in early morning when it shouldve been a car accident at the dead of night

lets take a flashback shall we

natsu came home after volleyball practice around 8 at night and he stumbled through the front door where he could smell the delicious food that you were cooking

‘ma! tadaima!’

he shouted and you peeked from the hallway with your blue apron and ladle and a close-eyed grin

‘okaeri, baby!’

his slippers padded across the wooden floors to go to the kitchen and watch as you stirred the miso soup

‘how was practice, dumpling?’

omg i would totally call my future kids that though

he shrugged, even though you couldnt see him, and went to the fridge to grab a bottled water before taking a sip

‘inter-high is coming up so captain’s been making us practice longer’

he answered then went to jump on the counter beside the stove so you could see him

he turned silent as he inspected your features and how youthful you still looked despite going through so many stressful times and hardships of raising your son alone

but he was really wondering what was exactly your purpose of being here since you rarely cooked for him due to being busy at work and therefore coming home late

‘ma, why are you here early?’

you noticeably stopped for a second before smiling, eyes shifting from the pot to him

‘i,,, have something to talk about with you’

natsu blinked then leaned against the wall and crossed his arms

‘is it something bad? but youre cooking my favorite so it must be something good. then again, it might be something bad but you want to be on my good side so youre bribing me with-’

‘natsu’

you softly called out to him and he stopped

you turned off the stove and shuffled to the side so you could stand in between his legs

no words were said as a sad look passed your eyes and you cupped his face, looking at him

‘youve grown so much, natsu. ma is sorry that she wasnt here to watch you grow. can you forgive me?’

natsu let out a confused sound and he placed his hands on top of yours from his face then quirked an eyebrow

‘ma, whats going on?’

he slowly asked

you continued to look through every feature of your son and grimaced slightly as his father’s stood out much more than you thought

‘come. lets eat while we talk’

dinner was tense

it was more of the tension coming from you and natsu being so worried and confused that he couldnt even eat his favorite

suddenly, he slammed his chopsticks to the table, fed up with the silence and genuinely worried by your behavior

‘ma, tell me whats wrong’

you winced and swallowed before shakingly placing your own utensils down and looking at a stain on the table from when he was 5 and accidentally spilled dye from his tye-dye activity

‘natsu, i,,,’

you drifted off but he gestured for you to continue

‘first off,,, i want you to know that i love you and that i only want what’s best for you. second,,, i hope you will go through with this because i,,, dont want you to bear this,,, this grudge for the rest of your life’

‘am i adopted?’

he demanded but you looked at him in shock

‘what? no! we literally have the same hair color and eyes, dumpling!’

then he let out a relieved sigh

‘thats the worst thing i thought of so i feel better now. come on, hit me’

you chuckled but went back to talking

‘your father,,, wants to meet you’

nope, that was actually the worst thing he heard

‘father? what, father?’

he couldnt stop the venom that dripped from his words and you flinched because you knew he would act like this

‘we bumped into each other at the airport,,,, he told me about,,, wanting to meet,, you’

you mumbled, now concentrating at your laced fingers

‘well, you can tell him to fck off because the feeling’s not mutual’

natsu growled then continued shoveling down his rice but you reached out and softly placed a hand on his arm and sent him a pleading look

‘darling, i-,,, i dont want to do this either. but this hatred for him-your anger- i dont want you to live with this! this might not show now but it will affect you in the future with a-a future family! he will drag you down but if you just--- just talk to him once! just once-’

natsu banged a fist on the table and you gasped at the sudden sound

‘HE WANTED YOU TO KILL ME’

he shouted, anger and rage reeking from his spot across you

‘HE LEFT YOU TO FEND FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE HE WAS TOO MUCH OF A DAMN COWARD TO OWN UP TO A CHILD HE HELPED MAKE. OH SO WHAT- ALL BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO SCREW? A FUN TIME THEN THROW YOU-US- AWAY? NAH, MA, WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO MEET SOMEONE WHO NEVER WANTED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?’

you gulped because right now, you were able to see the similarity to his father

‘he just wants to see you-to talk to you’

‘BUT WHAT ABOUT ME? I DONT WANT TO SEE HIS FCKING FACE BECAUSE IF I DO, I MIGHT PLUMMET HIM TO THE GROUND’

‘natsu, please stop yelling at me’

you pleaded and he stared at you angrily but turned his gaze back to the chicken bites

‘every thought of him makes me angry so if i see him, i will lose every control i have. hes nothing but a stranger to me-wait, no, hes like dirt that deserves nothing but bad luck to come his way. its either he wanted me or cant have me. and he chose wrong so hes going to have live with it for the rest of his life and pretend i dont even exist. and thats that’

you ran your hands on your face then closed your eyes

‘natsu, you dont understand, we-- we were children! i was still a student! we didnt know,, we didnt know anything about babies! i-i feel like shite because i brought upon this rage in you towards him, your father! i want to make things right! to make peace!’

‘DO YOU THINK I NEVER SAW THE TIMES YOU SAT ON THIS SAME FCKING TABLE, LOOKING AT THE BANK ACCOUNT AND CRYING BECAUSE WE WOULDNT HAVE ENOUGH FOR FOOD TOMORROW? OR-OR WHEN YOU BEGGED-BEGGED- YOUR BOSS FOR MORE SHIFTS SO YOU COULD MAINTAIN A ROOF OVER OUR HEAD? YOU THINK I DONT SEE THAT SHITE?! BECAUSE I DO! I SEE IT AND IT STILL GIVES ME NIGHTMARES TO THIS DAY BECAUSE I COULDNT DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU! I JUST SAT THERE AND LET YOU SUFFER IN SECRET BECAUSE I WAS JUST A CHILD! AND DO YOU KNOW WHO’S AT FAULT WITH ALL OF THIS?! HIM! HES THE REASON WHY YOU SHED EVERY BLOOD, EVERY SWEAT, AND EVERY TEAR! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM I NEVER SEE YOU BECAUSE YOURE BUSTING YOUR ASS AT WORK FOR ME! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM THAT I PLAY LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT SO I CAN BE SCOUTED AND EARN MONEY FOR US IN THE FUTURE! HIM! ALL HIM!’

angry tears were falling down his face and you stood up to hold him but he shot up

‘natsu-baby-please calm-’

‘WHO DOES THAT TO A CHILD’

his voice cracked and he hiccuped

‘IT DIGUSTS ME THAT I SHARE THE SAME BLOOD AS HIM AND I AM MADE WITH 50% OF HIM! AND I SEE THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYES BECAUSE I REMIND YOU OF HIM, DONT I? I HATE THAT! HE DID THAT TO YOU!’

you held on to him and tried to tell him to calm down because you knew how distructive he could be

‘I HATE HIM. AND I CANT BELIEVE YOURE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO SEE HIM. HOW COULD YOU’

maybe it mustve been the stress from midterms and the competitions but his heart was hammering and he could see nothing but red and feel nothing else but anger running through his veins

‘no, dumpling, youre misunderstanding because i-’

but he swatted your hand away, eyes staring at his shoes

‘i need to get away right now. just- i’ll be at katsuki’s house. dinner was good so thanks’

he mumbled and rushed to the hallway, picking up his gym bag and quickly slipping on his shoes

you ran to the door and held on to him

‘natsu we can talk this out! please! dont go! just stay-’

he shut his eyes to calm himself down before turning and giving you a soft kiss on your forehead

‘ill be back tomorrow. just let me go blow off some steam, kay, ma?’

but he didnt even give you an answer because he was already out the door

the walk from his apartment complex to katsuki’s house should’ve only taken nearly 10 minutes but he was so pre-occupied and distracted that he ended up missing the turns and ended up in an unfamiliar street

based on his surroundings, he was in the city but he remained his gaze on his shoes, just walking and walking, not stopping

this caused him to miss the stoplight and he was the only person who continued walking, the shouts and yells from the pedestrians falling deaf on his ears

but it finally opened up with a loud honking and a bright light that made him freeze in shock until it collided with him, sending him flying and falling unconscious

---

natsu groaned, not because of the pain but because of the bright light

‘oh god, i died and im going to the light’

he mumbled but a frantic shout made his eyes fully open up

‘NO DONT GO TO THE LIGHT! OH GOD! I JUST KILLED SOMEONE!’

natsu turned to the direction of the voice and he jumped then rolled over to get away but indeed, the pain from the collision stopped him

‘ugh’

he groaned and winced

‘hey, hey, you okay?’

the high-pitched voice asked and natsu raised his head to see the boy with orange hair kneeled down in front of him and hands hovering over him

‘i feel,,, ugh’

natsu sniffed and the boy helped him sit up so he could fully look around

‘where am i?’

he asked and the boy shuffled to kneel down beside him

‘japan. sendai. oh, im hinata shoyo by the way! so sorry i hit you with my bike!’

but natsu’s jaw dropped

‘hinata,,, shoyo?’

his eyes widened and he completely forgot about the pain as he stood on his feet, pointing at the tangerine

‘OLYMPICS!’

he shouted and he was getting scared, eyes drifting to everywhere and pacing in circles

‘did i,,,, no, that doesnt happen. damn izuku wouldnt shut up about doctor who. its not possible, just not! right?!’

hinata was now panicked and thought he really messed up the guy in the head because the h/c boy was now walking in circles, murmuring angrily, and face switching expressions every millisecond

‘oh my god, i need to take you to the hospital! i messed you up!’

hinata frantically grabbed his phone but natsu jumped and grabbed the device

‘no. no, its fine. i just-,,,, i dont remember anything’

natsu played and hinata’s eyes got even wider

‘OH MY GOD I REALLY DID SOMETHING WORSE!’

but natsu placed his hands on his idol’s shoulders to calm him down

‘no hospital, no needles, no medics. just,,, call your emergency contact or something’

it was quite funny that the victim had to console the cause of the accident but hinata nonetheless complied and hit the call button

‘your mom?’

natsu asked but hinata shook his head

‘no. my team manager, l/n y/n. she’d know what to do’

but natsu’s brain exploded

‘l/n,,,, y/n?’

my ma?

oh god i really did mess up

this is going to be a whole mess and i can already feel it but yanno what? imma just go with the flow and go through with your guys’ thoughts and ideas so in a way, you can control (??) the story?? idk i really dont know what im doing but i just needed to put this into writing bc ive been thinking about it since i woke up. also, do you think i should write this in a headcanons way or normal writing way?

296 notes · View notes

littlx-songbxrd · 4 years

Text

The last hour among us AU

So, I said I wouldnt do this

But I did it

Thanks to @grangerstairs for listening to me rant and helping me with some of these

Oka this is gonna be a mess

Overall headcanons

Them playing always results in someone getting threatened with a seraph blade but its fun!

Ok Jesse is always the first one killed for some reason and kinda rules the ghost chat, but he never leaves and just continues on doing hes tasks

James is suspicious, of everyone. He trust no one

Lucies a good impostor, but she never kills Cordelia and that kinda gives her away

For some reason Lucie can read the ghost chat but all she does is flirt with Jesse and try to get him to tell her who the impostor is

Mathew throws out wild accusations, almost always says alastairs sus

Actually no everyone is always saying Alastairs sus

This pisses him off cause whenever hes making any real accusations he gets voted off cause of bloody fairchild

Alastair: "Its Anna, I saw her vent when I found the body in electrical"

Mathew: Idk Alastairs kinda sus

Alastair: gets voted off

Thomas tries to defend Alastair because he knows his friends are just all throwing out of context accusations at him but hes kinda powerless

He once called an emergency meeting to tell everyone to behave because Lucie kept saying James was sus, Mathew kept acussing everyone (even dead people) for the drama and they lost kit, twice

Thomas is actually very observant so he doesnt make accusations often, but when he does hes almost always right

Christopher is simply there to have a good time and gets caught up doing tasks

He honestly forgets hes supposed to be looking out for the impostor so he almost always gets killed after Jesse in electrical

He likes the wires-

After three straight games of him being killed Thomas decides to stick with him to make sure hes not killed in electrical, again

Cordelia tries to stick with Lucie because she knows wether shes the impostor or not she'd never kill her

For some reason Cordelia is really good at the card admin thing and no one understands why

Thomas, Cordelia and Christopher are the only ones who ever get their tasks done

Mathew has never once in his life finished his tasks

Hes here for the drama of the game

The betrayl, the bloodshed, the TRAGEDY. Hes not here to fix wires

Also to mess with James while he does sus things and follows him around

For some reason even if he swears his not James is always acting sus

Hes an easy target to pawn off on if they've already eliminated poor Alastair

Charles plays very rarely, but when he does they all have an unspoken agreement to vote him off

Charles "I think-"

Alastair "Charles is sus"

Mathew "For once I agree with Carstairs"

There was this one time Charles really was the impostor so that was a... win win?

Theres an unspoken agreement that if you vote for christopher you're immediatly sus

Like "are you blind???? Christopher?????"

Mathew and Anna are always trolling the chat

Beside Thomas, Anna is the only other person to make good accusations

But shes having too much fun trolling with Mathew to actually take the game seriously half the time

Shes here to watch James be scared, Lucie go into full on sherlock mode and watch Alastair get thrown off the vent

Christopher never knows who to vote for so he always either skips or votes for the last person they wrote was sus on the chat

He accidently once voted for Thomas cause Mathew jokingly accused him and Thomas has never been so dissapointed

Colors and names

Jesses so tires of being killed his name is literally ghost~ and is white

Lucies cyan and probably has princess Lucretia to promote her wip while James is black for the aesthetic and probably has a book character name

Mathews lime and whoever refers to him as light green gets on his to kill list for when hes impostor. Also hes name is Oscar Wilde what did you expect?

Christopher for some god forsaken reason, is orange. Probs has kit

Cordelia is pink and has daisy as her name

Thomas and Alastair lit have the most boring names Thomas was Thomas L and Alastair literally just put Carstairs F in chat

Thomas is dark green while Alastairs red

Anna is blue and puts random names every match

Cordelia always has a flower as her accesory and its adorable, specially when shes killing people with her flower

Chriatopher has a plant, cause he likes plants

Lucie has a little antenna

Mathew and Anna are always changing their accessories every game in the name of fashion

Impostors

So the best impostor pair are Cordelia and Alastair

Everyone thinks they'd be horrible but if theres one thing the carstair siblings hate is loosing

They have a persian mother with a temper THESE KIDS KNOW HOW TO LIE AND LIE GOOD

With Cordelia there to stop Alastair from being voted off their unstopable

They have a good strategy, they're kills are evened out just enough for them to not get caught and have a very detailed venting system developed

They always pawn off on james saying hes sus to Lucie who always believes Cordelia

James: "Lucie I was WITH YOU-"

Lucie: "Yeah but Daisy says youre sus and thats all the prove I need"

The only real argument they've had was when Cordelia didnt want to kill Lucie

Alastair fought her on it but she said "then kill Thomas"

They unifficially made an agreement and Cordelia killed Thomas while Alastair killed Lucie

The only time they've ever been caught was when they killed mathew in the beggining and Anna was actually paying attention

Overall the BEST impostors DO NOT mess with the Carstair siblings

The worst impostors are actually mathew and christopher

Christopher never knows who to kill so he just follows Mathew around. And Mathew just kills Alastair and calls it a day

They never win, they suck

If Alastair is the first to be killed instead of being voted off, you can 100% assume Mathews the impostor

Anna is actually a really good impostor, unlike Lucie she spares no one and kills whoever she needs

Shes ruthless, has won often

The worst Christophers ever done as impostor is sabotage the lights and kill Jesse in electrical

While Thomas was still with him so he gets voted off

The most unpredictable impostor is actually Thomas

Hes a wild card, hes killing pattern is iregular, hes quiet so no one suspects him, but he doesnt hold back

If he can kill you, he will

Sure he'll fill bad about it but he will

Cannot for the love of life pawn off others when hes accused, thats how hes caught

Alastairs a good impostor, but without Cordelia always gets voted off by bloody fairchild

James always kills Lucie cause she keeps calling him sus

Once he killed Mathew and he started monologing in the ghost chat about betrayl

"by my OWN PARABATAI-"

Thats all I have for today! Please dont let this flop I worked really hard and my thumbs hurt lol

56 notes · View notes

drkcnry67 · 4 years

Text

title: Please Don’t Make Me Do This

kink square filled: Knife Play

dark square filled: Knife Play

Heaven & Hell square filled: Demon!Dean

ship: Demon!Dean x reader

rating: 14+

tags: major character death, forced knife play,

summery (if applicable): its a surprise….

word count (if applicable):

created for @spnkinkbingo @spndarkbingo @heavenandhellbingo

also this is for a request brought in by @hawaiianohana15

A/N: please dont shoot me, but cas doesnt actually stay in heaven for what goes down in this story. im sorry for what im gonna put everyone through. i know for me ive put off writing about this particular thing cause it still gives me nightmares.

tag: @sweetness47 @alexis-m-kruger

this was possibly the hardest event of your entire life, the hardest day of your life. the day you witnessed the love of your life get murdered on the eve after your engagement.

you hadnt the heart to send every single person you had invited a letter saying the wedding was cancelled, hell you didnt have the heart o do anything except sit in your old room and listen to all of Dean’s favorites on repeat.

after about 4 hours Sam had gotten very very concerned, so he made you some coffee and made you up a plate of food and brought it into your room. the sight he saw when he walked inside was something that made him place the food and drink on your dresser and come engulf you in a huge hug.

course Dean and Sam wanted to take down Metatron, but of course that didnt go as well as expected for it was then that Metatron stabbed Dean. long story short told to you personally through Sam’s sobs…

Dean had gotten hold of the first blade again after being bruised and beaten badly in a mortal kombat fight type deal with Metatron.

Metatron stabbing Dean through the heart with an angel blade just as Sam came round the corner and Dean of course turned around.

Sam helped Dean off the ground and tried to make it out of the warehouse but Dean coughed, said he was proud of them and then breathed his last.

Sam had called out for Cas in a loud scream of pain. about 5 minutes later Cas appeared and became terribly horrified at the sight before him.

Cas: “what happened?”

Sam: “Metatron killed him, we have to get home.. back to the bunker, to YN she needs to know but no one else can… can you get us and the impala back in one shot or is it needed in 2 trips…”

Cas: “it can be done in 1 shot but how will you tell YN… wont she be crushed?”

that was when Cas realized that Sam was gonna tell you after they got back to the bunker… sam was gonna tell you what happened, tell you that Dean died like hero… that he went down fighting and that his last thoughts werent of her but he knew he loved you.

Cas: “look Sam i know that YN and Dean were a thing but there is something i have to tell you… about their relationship… but she doesnt know, neither of them did… you can’t tell her…”

Sam now intrigued finds the strength to look away from his brothers corpse. Cas took a deep breath watching as Sam now sat looking at him.

Sam: “cant tell her what?”

Cas: “she and Dean fullfilled the prophecy that Heaven spoke over them, they conceived a child a week before the death of a winchester at the hands of Metatron.”

Sam: “YN’s pregnant?”

Cas: “yes, but there is nothing else that can be done here, lets take this show back to the bunker and see if there is anything that can be done about Dean… ill take us all straight to his room, then ill stay here while you go talk to YN before she finds out on her own about Dean…”

Cas teleports Dean and Sam plus himself back to Deans room in the bunker. you were in the library researching a way to get rid of Metatron that would actually be most effective. you didnt hear the boys talking in Deans room. however you only had this feeling like something wasn’t right.

it stayed with you heavily as you sat there pouring through the books and every page seemed to make time go by alot slower than it actually was… it wasnt until you flipped the page again that you heard your name being called. this made your head snap up…

you went around the corner and Saw Sam walking towards you…

Sam: “hey squirt!”

You looked around and didnt see Dean, didnt see your man. you turned your gaze back to Sam who walked closer to you…

YN: “where’s Dean?”

Sam: “YN he was hurt badly… there was an accident, it was a bad one… before i let you see him you need to know he might not come back from this one alive… or if alive he wont be himself… the first blade really did a number on him. but his last concious thoughts were of you… YN he wasnt breathing when Cas got to us… Cas is with him now trying to figure this out, but so far no luck…”

YN: “i have to see his body…”

Sam stepped immediately in front of you stopping your entry to the hallway.

YN: “get out of my way Sam… i have to see his body…”

Sam: “no cause if you go in there your not gonna be able to unsee that…”

YN: “there has to be something we can do…”

Sam: “we will find a way but for now lets leave him alone…”

you went back too the library and cracked a bottle of whiskey… Sam stood around the corner for a few minutes and watched you slowly crumble apart…

Sam went back to talk to Cas…

Cas: “ive healed his major wounds and slowed the death process… how did she take it…”

Sam: “she has started to drink the whiskey… i dont think she will come back from this…”

Cas: “well lets go make sure she isnt gonna do something stupid…”

Sam & Cas take one more glance at Dean’s body before heading out to the library to find you on the phone just kinda out of their hearing patterns.. it was only but a while later that Crowley texted you that he was outside the bunker…

you went to the door and let him inside… you walked down the stairs with Crowley at your tail… both Sam and Cas stood taking defensive position…

Sam: “Squirt what is he doing here?”

You finished walking down the stairs before you answered…

YN: “he is here to help me save Dean… he says he can save him… ergo that is whats going to happen…”

Cas: “dont do this, we cant trust him…”

Crowley: “look ok i have a soft spot for YN and Dean they have become my new favorite couple… but when word got out downstairs about Metatron having killed Dean. i knew it would be only a matter of time before i got a call from YN, but i also knew i might or might not be able to help.. YN show me where the body is… then ill need a while alone with it… for the way this should go may or may not come with alot of side effects…”

you led Crowley to Dean’s room, opening the door this was your first glance at Deans body… this was the only time other than not but 6 years before when you had lost Dean… to your dismay this time looked much much worse.

YN: “crowley do what you have to… just make sure he comes back to me in one piece…”

Crowley: “ill do my best and let me be the first to say congratulatons!”

you left the room wondering what the hell he meant, but still made your way back to the library… you sat on the couch and waited, waited patiently…

—————————

Crowley stands beside Dean placing the first blade in Dean’s right hand and placing both on his chest.

Crowley: “listen to me Dean Winchester, what you’re feeling right now, it’s not death. It’s life, a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. And by the way your going to be a father, now lets go take a howl at the moon.”

—————————-

something stirred, you felt it, you felt the house shake, the entire bunker shook with a violent power… it wasnt but a few moments later that the power went out in the entire bunker… no sound could be heard but something inside you stirred, something felt new, arisen if you would…

YN: “Sam, Cas are you guys okay?”

Sam and Cas are at your sides immediately!

Cas: “i dont know but i cant leave my power isnt working…”

Sam: “YN you looked a little stunned a few moments ago… what did you feel?”

You didnt know how to answer that, it was a very strange feeling but being bonded with Dean made things easier. during hunts and stake outs… but now it felt like something went horribly wrong… crowley did however say that there may be side effects…

YN: “i think whatever Crowley did worked but i dont feel normal Dean i feel a much darker force… if that is why the power went out then we need to lock this place down… now and we need to prepare for the worst… lock it down nothing gets in and nothing gets out…”

you, Sam and Cas all armed yourselves, going down the halls till the tri-fork in the hall… each of you took a hall… Cas came across nothing he stayed near the armory for a few minutes to make sure Dean wouldnt be able to easily access it if he came that way… Sam made it down his hall way to the garage, but obviously with the security locked down and the power outage the garage wouldnt be a good escape route…

you went down the bedroom hallway, the emergency red lights going down the hallway made it to your room, checked it once and cleared it of being offended… then sam’s room along with Cas’ room….

the room at the end of the hall, the one room where you didnt think anything was wrong… the one room where the closer you got the more anger and pain you felt… before you could fully encrouch on the room, the door flung off its hinges… you ducked into the darkened bathroom…

Demon!Dean: “Sammy, YN, Castiel! where is everyone to greet the brother who has come back from the dead? YN baby come give daddy a kiss…”

Dean now walking towards the bathroom slowly, now sniffs the air… he suddenly becomes ravenous for the being who holds the smell of pumpkin pie. the closer he got to the bathroom, the stronger the smell got.

Demon!Dean: “come on out Baby.. i dont want to hurt you, but i will if i have to… come on out baby… dont you want to celebrate with me about our child… oh yes i know all about that… you can thank Crowley for that… now im gonna count to 3 if you dont show yourself by the time i get to 3, im gonna hurt you baby, i dont want to but i will…1…”

you didnt know what to do, so you stood there behind the door and didnt realize that you were starting to sweat badly your gun was slipping… before you could even react your gun fell to the ground…

Demon!Dean: “ah so you want to have a bit of bathroom fun hmm… well daddy brought a fun little tool… now lets play…”

with that Demon!Dean stalked into the bathroom forcefully pulling the door shut as he now stood there with you in the creepy red lighting, he stood there with his pocket knife.

YN: “please dont do this, you dont want to hurt me i know you dont… for the sake of our child… please… i didnt know about my being pregnant D… im just finding out about this… look ok it tore me up to see your body like that, so i called Crowley… i knew when the power went out that you had come back… but i didnt expec…”

before you could say another word, his hand covered your mouth… he gently yet firmly ran the knife over your skin, he pressed down in certain tender spots, like your forearms, your thighs, your chest, as well as your cheeks. before stopping at your neck to lean in to sniff your aroma..

Demon!Dean: “you know babe, i never pictured myself as a father… i just realized i never told you what i did in Hell the first time i died… i tortured people, i tortured souls… these people didnt deserve it, but i didnt care, i liked it… now i think i’ll torture you similar to them…”

at that moment with lightning speed he ran the knife through all your clothes till you were standing in your Bra and panties. this made you shiver since it wasnt the man you fell in love with standing before you doing this to you.

at that moment you felt the knife he was holding go into your skin on your thigh, you buckled at the pain, yet Demon!Dean just laughed with amusement. he ran his hands over your body, feeling you tense and un-tense beneath his touch.

Demon!Dean: “i still have enough sense to know not to fuck a pregnant woman… but that doesnt mean i cant make you bleed…”

before he could finish cutting you in a few more places, the sound of your name came ringing through the halls.

Sam: “cas do you see that?”

Cas looks straight ahead at the door on the floor…

Cas: “does that mean he is back?”

Sam: “yes but he doesnt have the strength normally to kick in these door which are reinforced with iron… he would have to…”

thats when it hit Sam like a sack of bricks… the shocked look on his face now said everything he connected the dots and soon realized that whereever Dean was you would be too…

Sam: “Dean or whatever you call yourself.. show yourself now…”

then he turned to Cas and in a low whisper adressed him.

Sam: “ok Cas go down the hall and hide around the corner as soon as he shows himself ill keep his gaze fixed on me, use your teleportation to get directly behind him… go…”

Cas ran to where Sam said but heard the same not so distant voice Sam soon did…

Demon!Dean: “ill be out in a second brother, im just taking a leak… then ill come out and talk…”

Demon!Dean finished making you bleed some more watching your body slide down the wall, weak from blood loss as he opened the bathroom door and exited…

Demon!Dean: “hey Sammy… come give your big brother a hug…”

Sam started to slowly back up seeing the blood covering Dean’s hands and clothes…

Sam: “where’s YN?”

Demon!Dean: “i wouldnt know your the first one ive seen…”

Sam: “then whose blood are you covered in?”

Demon!Dean: “i found a family of rats and slaughtered them… why do you look so scared bro?”

Sam: “thats not rats blood is it?”

Demon!Dean could only bring off a dark smile… as he followed Sam down the hall and away from the bathroom… Cas took his opportunity to come out from around the corner and go towards the bathroom… where he found you… he took off his trench coat and laid it over you…

Cas: “what did he do to you?”

YN: “he called it knifeplay… i have no idea why he did this but he needs something… he needs a good angelic exorcism…”

Cas: “what do you have in mind?”

you explained to Cas that first you needed to get into some clean clothes of some kind and clean up some of this blood… Cas went to your room and grabbed one of your satin gowns…

Cas came back seeing you limping… he helped steady you while you got dressed… then he took your arm with his hand… he smiled lightly and dove deep into steadying you before helping you into the direction that he watched Demon!Dean & Sam go in…

he made sure you were alright before he took off to get into his position… slowly but steadily you made your way down the hall… to the sound of running footsteps and the sound of something breaking…

Demon!Dean: “Sam come on lets not play these games… why do you hide from your older brother…”

you steadied yourself and held the colt up high…

YN: “Demonic force that resides within Dean Winchester… i address the entity within thee… please dont make me do this…”

Demon!Dean turns to face you slowly after stopping in his tracks…

Demon!Dean: “YN baby i see you have managed to get up off the floor and clean yourself up… darling you really should be more careful with that, since when did i give you permission to touch that gun…”

YN: “you didnt i took it from your hiding place when i got up off the floor… you need to make sure that you pick better hiding spots…”

Demon!Dean: “and you need to make sure not to snoop…”

YN: “dont make me do this…”

you stayed tall and strong keeping the Colt trained on Dean…

Demon!Dean: “now now babe put the gun down… put it down or take your shot…”

you started to slowly put the gun down but then he charged towards you, Cas came out behind Dean and wrapped his arms around him from behind…

you took your shot, you shot Dean while he was in the arms of Cas, you watched between Cas’ angelic grace and the bullet from the colt the demonic energy that was within Dean now blinked away… now within the eyes of the man before you, blinked between the demonic force within and the Dean you fell in love with.

Cas: “ready YN im gonna keep holding onto him while you enact the final part of your plan… anytime now…”

that was your cue, you tossed the colt in the air running towards the man who stole your heart a thousand times over… you kissed him, he didnt react right away it was about 5 minutes into the kiss that he started to kiss you back…

thats when Cas let go, it made you feel normal to be back in Dean’s embrace… once the kiss broke you took him over to the security station you had set up and showed him all of what happened…

Dean: “i know that i wasn’t myself but i hurt you, i hurt the one person who means the world to me… i’m so sorry YN… you don’t deserve a guy like me… i’m a worthless piece of shit… to top it all off, we are expecting a baby… we are expecting i don’t know if i’m ready to be a father…”

YN: “i know your gonna do wonderful as a father, and i also know that when i saw you basically dead, it tore me apart, i dipped so far into the whiskey that i almost blacked out, if the power hadnt gone out, i wouldn’t be awake right now…”

Cas and Sam come back into the room making sure that it was safe first… then Sam took it upon himself to hand Dean his jacket, to which made you look with confusion but you didnt make anything of it.

Sam: “good luck buddy…”

you grab 3 glasses & the whiskey, while the charade continues… but wasnt expecting what happened next…

Dean: “dont touch your glass of whiskey yet…. YN there is something i wish to discuss with you first…”

You stared at Dean curiousity swimming in your mind… Dean took a small swig of his whiskey before he continued to speak…

Dean: “YN in all my years together never have i ever been so amazed by anyone. you’re strong, brave, talented, one of the best with a machete ive ever seen, i never would have seen myself being with someone who is as lovely and smart as you… YN i know we have just been through hell and back and both need a really good shower, but will you do me the incredible honor of marrying me and making me the luckiest man alive…”

YN: “yes yes yes…”

thats when Dean opened the ring box out of his jacket and slid the expensive but not expensive ring on your finger… the toasting lasted for 30 minutes before the cuts on your body cloted, and the blood on Dean crusted, but it was about time when you spoke again…

YN: “Dean no offense but you need a shower…”

Dean: “funny darling i could say the exact same thing about you….”

#spnkinkbingo #spndarkbingo #heaven and hell bingo

19 notes · View notes

not-ur-normie · 5 years

Text

The demon brothers as a kpop group (+ Diavolo)

Hey there! This is my very first headcanon thingy, so i would like to apologise for my bad english, its not my mother language. Also, it was so long ago when i last wrote anything similar in english, so once again, sorry.

Anyway, i really wanted to write it, so let me know if you like it! + If you want general group headcanons with them as a kpop group, pls let me know it as well! (Or a similar one with Simeon, Luke and Solomon, hehe) Love!

The demon brothers as a kpop group (+Diavolo)

DIAVOLO - The CEO of the company - It was the main goal in all his life to see Lucifer shining on stage - Okay, not, actually he only knows Lucifer since a shitty survival program - I mean, Lucifer is already hiper super extra giga mega beautiful in his eyes, but! Lucifer! on! stage! is the main Lucifer - So he maid a company for him - Lucifer was like 'wtf dID U DO' (okay, he didnt say it in this way, but-) - He is an understanding boss - Doesnt plan to debut any other group, so his company wont suck lol - Has all the money only for the bois - Altho he is really kind and understanding, he expects the guys to work extra hard do achive success - Sometimes goes to variety shows with his group and acting like a proud dad around them - Fans say that he is the 8th member of the group - Has his own fansites - Sometimes does modelling (has a duo photoshoot with Lucifer which he is extra proud of and some of its pieces are on his wall in a big canvas) - Fans ship him with Lucifer (not suprising) - He bought two houses next to each other. One is his and the other is the guys'. - Has a cameo in one of the mvs of the group - Does acting, has a lots of main roles - He is POPULAR

LUCIFER - Leader of the group - Also dad of the group (i mean if you dont count Diavolo) - He and the others participated in a survival program, but didnt make it - Got kicked out of their prev company - Thats when Diavolo became a fan of him and decided on founding one for him - Lucifer only agreed on joining if his teammeat could go too - Most popular in the group - Does everything Diavolo asks him to do - Makes the guys practicing till morning - Barely sleeps - Also does acting - Really bad at doing fanservice - Extremely caring towards fans - Always makes sure that the fans are doing okay, writes short messages on fancafe, uploads pictures (never about himself) on ig and twitter and reminds fans to take care of themselfs - Staying up super late to read fancafe letters from fans - Gives special attention to communicate with fans - However... He shamlessly blocks fans who upload meme pics about him or hurt his pride - HE IS SERIOUS - Thanks to this, fans never EVER mock him - Has a solo album - Won against his own group once in a music show (Levi said how it was not fair and Satan was pissed) - Never dyed his hair and never will - According to some poll, he is one of the most handsome men in kpop - He hates fanwars and when there is one, he tells the fans to stop - He also hates rumors

MAMMON - He wanted to became a worldwide idol so he can get more money - Actually he was really bad at everything when he joined that survival program - Fans started to love him bc of his hard work (((for the money))) - Always forgets their own choreography - The whole fandom jokes about how stupid he is - He is always truly offended and scolds the fans on vlive - Fans make memes out of him and love dissing him - Fans think he is super cute and he is loveing it - LOVES fansigns but always blushes if he needs to hold hands with fans - Tries to act tough anyway - Cries in every. fkin. concert. (giving birth to new memes lol) - Once made a "joke" about how fans should donate him money instead of giving presents and it became a HUGE scandal, Lucifer and Diavolo deadass wanted to kick him out of the group - Does vlive a lot bc he loves talking about everything: how he bought a new car, new shoes, how he wanted to prank Lucifer with Satan and how they failed blah blah and so on - He is that member with zero lines, but has fair screentime - Modelling and super popular - Tried acting bc "he is too good at everything" but failed (he is not too good, but too shy lol) - The loudest member - Variety shows love him thanks to his idiotism - He says he is the "cutie sexy" member of the team - Once a fan started crying in front of him at a fansign out of happiness and Mammon was so touched he started crying as well

LEVIATHAN - His nickname is Leviachan for a reason - Fans know how much of an otaku he is so they always buy him anime related stuff and LEVI IS TRULY HAPPY ALL THE TIME - He even post about his presents at twitter and ig - Does gameplay vlives - Also has a youtube channel where he uploads every kind of videos: gameplays, gameplays, anime reviews, manga recommendations, gameplays, videos about his Ruri-chan collection, gamplays... and more gameplays - Uploaded a video where he and Mammon tried to snake into Lucifer's room to film him while he is asleep, but got caught and Lucifer started to shout at them - He needed to deletet it bc Lucifer wanted to kill him for publishing it - Fans didnt reupload out of fear from Lucifer - Shy at fansigns but compfy with old fans and fansites - Doing cosplay - At the begining he was reather shy on stage, but since he got used to it... aegyo all the way - Loves when they promote in Japan - In variety shows when the mcs ask him about his hobbies he always ends up talking too much, so to others need to stop him - According to fans, he has e-boy vibes - He is the one who posts everything thats happening with them on twitter, so the fans really ALWAYS know whats up whit the guys - Once accidentally tweeted out their hotel room numbers and fans found them (Lucifer was hella angry)

SATAN - Mom of the group, even if he hates it - Like if Lucifer is the dad, no way that he is the mom - Also prince of the group - Has good vocals but can rap too - Writes lyrics - Started acting bc he was sure he is better than Lucifer - Won an award for his main role in a detective series - Has a whole collection of books bought by fans - Gets angry easily which is the reason why fans often mock and make memes about him - Reads the messages fans send him and replies; sometimes its only a heart, sometims its advice or kind words - Came up with the groups greeting - According to the other members fansites, he is so handsome that its hard to not take pictures of him - Thanks to this, all the others fansites have at least two posts about him - Fans going insane when he starts smiling - Plays the guitar - Multilanguage king - Cant do fanservice - Literally hates fanservice - Once in Weekly Idol, him and Lucifer needed to hold hands and say nice things to each other after the others told the mcs how awkward their relationship is - That was the worst moment in his entire life - Wanna do a solo album, but didnt have the chance yet (Diavolo promisd him tho) - He has th best fashion sense after Asmo - Has a cat in the dorm and the fans love it like its their own - He has a great memory, so he remembers the names of the fans who attended their fansigns at least two times

ASMODEUS - Main vocal of the group - Self claimed visual of the group - He posts the most, almost everyday - Loves doing make up - The most fashionable member - A big ass diva - Went to king of masked singer but didnt win it - Has a solo album - He loVES FANSERVICE, HE LIVES FOR IT - With members, with fans, it doesnt really matter - The best at fansigns, he is so direct - Hold hands with fans, gives hugs, let them touch him - On the groups YouTube channel, he has this special segment called "Asmo cam" - He shows whats happening in backstage during promotions - Designed their debut album's look - Also designed the lightstick - Complains to the stylists if he dislikes an outfit - MCing - Reads the fanfictions fans write about the group and teases the members with it - Doing shower vlives, where there is only voice, so the fans can hear him singing in the shower (he also brags about how beautiful he is and how unlucky his fans not seeing the full beauty of his body) - If a fan post about him saying dirty things, he will reply with even more dirtyer stuff - Most of his fans are hard stans

BEELZEBUB - Maybe i am headcanoning it wrong, but for me Beelzebub is a rapper - The only reason he is not part of the aegyo line bc he never does aegyo but naturally cute enough for fans to cry over his cuteness - He is so sad that fans mustnt give him food in fansigns, but Diavolo is against it out of fear of some antifan trying to poison them - Mukbang videos - Mukbang shows love and hate him at the same time - Eating everywhere and everytime - He even eats at the middle of concerts - Fans have a bunch of memes about him - According to fans, he is like a big puppy who must be protected by all costs - All cool and serious on stage, all cuddly and cutie off stage - Main dancer of the group, always helps with the choreographys - Has an own restaurant, where fans can buy his fav foods... And there is a lot of that - One of the sweetest bubs in fansigns, he is easygoing and thanks to this its not hard to talk to him - Fans dieing to see him take off his shirt, but it havent happend yet - In one of his birthday lives Mammon dropped his cake out of accident and HE WAS SUPER SAD - Most of his social media post are about food. What he ate, whats he wanna eating, what he recommends eating, notes to fans to dont forget to eat - Fans never tell him to dont forget to eat, bc they know he wouldnt - Fans ship him with Asmo and Belphie - Loves tours bc he can eat a lot of delicious food around the world

BELPHEGOR - Devil maknae - Makes fun of his hyungs, but loves them endlessly - Sleeps in backstage all the time; while his make up is done, while his hair is done, why waiting for rehearsal - Lucifer has the hardest time with him if it comes to practice - I mean, Belphie deadass can fall asleep the middle of some choreo - Didnt love doing agyeo, but fans are over the moon if he does, so he is doing it often - He doesnt have a fixed role in the group, sometimes he sings and sometimes he raps - One of the best dancers, but he is too lazy to show his full potential - He often falls asleep while doing vlives - Once in an ig live he told the fans that it doesnt bother him that they have haters, bc he hates the haters as well - He barely posts on social media; if there are pictures about him, they are mostly from the other members (especially from Beel) - He has a super big pillow he got from a fan to his birthday when he was still a trainee and this is his favourite pillow - He is the one with zero solo activity, bc if he has free time he reather sleeps than going to shoot something

Feel free to add anything that comes into your mind!

18 notes · View notes

sirvalrigard · 5 years

Note

genuinely cannot figure it out. cann you please tell me what the fnaf series is about

OK OK so like we’re extremely off our shits rn but lets try to make this coherent

edit: this actually turned into a fucking wall of infodump bullshit so adding a cut lol

1970s. a gay furry dad named henry emily decides to make a furry restaurant cause he’s passionate abt animatronics and making kids happy. he opens the restaurant with a man named william afton as his business partner. henry makes animatronics and william handles idk being fucking creepy and handling money is my best guess. the restaurant is called Fredbear’s Family Diner, featuring Fredbear and Spring Bonnie (after a year or two it becomes popular enough for henry to have money to build bonnie, freddy, chica, and foxy too!)

ok so shits fine and normal until william billiam is like ‘hmm im gonna be a child predator now’

on a rainy night one of henry’s children, Charlie Emily, is locked outside the pizzeria somehow, where william finds and kills them. the security marionette that henry built to protect his kids drags itself outside to their body, and thus is possessed by their spirit

obviously henry is fucked up but no one knew who the killer was, so henry was able to reopen another location, this time under the new name of Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, with the now familiar friends Bonnie, Freddy, Foxy, and Chica to join the original two! multiple locations are eventually opened, and things are going just fucking fine until WILLY billy does his bullshit again!!

this time he lures them into the back by wearing a Spring Bonnie suit, and kills four children and stuffs their bodies into Bonnie, FReddy, Foxy, and Chica, where Marionette (charlie) finds them and binds their souls to the animatronics

but even though willish addon was employed at the very location he killed kids at, AND he was even convicted as the killer, since police couldnt find the bodies (and are useless) he didnt go to jail which is honestly so accurate its the scariest part of the franchise

so like henry at this point i imagine is like “fuck this” and sells the restaurant line to—you know what? honestly? i would love to know who runs Fazbear Entertainment. with the way help wanted was going i rlly hope we get an expansion on that with them as the villians (destroy capitalism) ANYWAY–

“Fazbear Entertainment” becomes the parent company of this mess now and theyre like :)……oh lets hire that william guy again hes fine

and at this point wwillus is making his OWN fucking pizzeria and his OWN animatronics and is actively kidnapping, torturing, and killing children to steal life essence from their souls! during the process of testing this, he gets his own ‘daughter’ Elizabeth Afton killed!! yeah im not fucking making this up!! (ppl in the fandom really defend this guy lol)

1983. so as Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzas are expanding, Willard Afturd somehow? got himself some children. like to raise. like as a “““father”““. personally i do like 2 think a mother was involved but honestly he totally coulda just fucking kidnapped some random children to raise as his own and im starting to think thats more plausible actually BUT ITS NOT GAME THEORY TIIME

one of these kids he is personally torturing! his own “son”! incredible! long story short this traumatized child ( unofficially named CC Afton ) is forced into the mouth of Fredbear by his brother Michael Afton and his friends, aaaand he dies ( and is guided by Charlie to possess Fredbear )

even after years of rumors about dead kids being hidden in animatronics, its this accident is the last straw for Fazbear’s Pizza and they are finally shut down. then WILL rubs his nasty hands together and tries to open his OWN pizzeria with his original OCs do not Steal™, Funtime Freddy, Bon Bon, Ballora, Circus Baby ( possessed by Elizabeth) , and Funtime Foxy and theyre all. probably possessedtoo cause theyre used 4 his kid torture fetish

uh ok so Aphton is like hey michael go clean up my child abuse for me anyway brb so his son Mwanders into his father’s Pizzeria to find his sister elizabeth . long story short…………he finds her and she does the “we’re brothers but closer” spongebob meme but also with her friends

ANd they leave! hooray! from then on the story is about Michael, whos zombified now after being used as a husk to hide an amalgamation of 5 animatronics fucking trying to find his shitty fuckass dad, and to help the anguished and vengeful spirits inside

but the first location to reopen after having been shut down, Wilson AAAAA is employed AND KILLS SOME MORE KIDS who would have guessed omg amazing..stunning.. and michael is employed there JUST a week too late like it happens RIGHT before he’s employed so Wumbo Man gets away again and Fazbear Entertainment gets shut down AGAIN, in 1987

not too many years later Fazbear Entertainment tries to open restaurants yES AGAIN and theyre still using the original animatronics that are still rotting and bloody on the inside . somehow this place stays open for a bit, and michael is employed there still looking for Worst Father Ever, and the children attack him due to rage and confusion, and when they kill another employee, the restaurant is shut down for like the trillionth time

but then for some reason Whenwillhedie Afton is like im gonna go try to dismantle the other haunted animatronics at the shut down pizzerias cause i dont actually even know i have shit for brains and also probably wanted to melt them down for life juice BUT

theyrelike FUCK OFF and the spirits of the children materialize in front of Wellington Well Done and force him into the old crusty spring bonnie suit that he’d murdured in before nd spring is like FUCKy ou and crushesAlton with their animatronic parts aand smush him. trapped now #springbonnieisgoodguy

the spirits go to rest in animatronica, the events of fnafworld happen when: 30 fucing years later in like the 2010s some jackasses thought it would be a good idea to mak e a haunted hoiuse attraction based on fazbear’s pizza and use actual shit from the restaurants and of COURSE this fuck shit up hardcore and disturbs the spirits from the rest that they were in ( until it turned intp the events of FNAF World ) and then they were ripped back into reality when Fazbear’s Fright was built

also! they found WWWacky smacky Acky all rotting away inside Spring Bonnie (now called Springtrap) and were like yeah this is good. definitely not a robot struggling to hold back the influence of a murderer predator and definitely wouldnt haev a problem with being set free

basically michael hears about this thing when it opens and is the first employee there and proceeeds to burn the whole place down as soon as he sees Willmont stuck inside ofs Springtrap

buuuut it doesnt work and Springtrap and other various spirits and haunted robots are still wandering the fuck around and Henry at this point is like Okay I Need To Do Something About This Cause This Is Entirely Out Of Fucking Hand and he reopens a Freddy Fazbear’s location himself, but advertises for a manager who wants to build their own pizzeria

you know who pounces on this like a purple cat? MIKE hes like FUCK yeah egg boys gonna kill his dad and be ann egg MAN today

with the help of Henry’s use of luring mechanics and michael’s endurance and survival skill they gather Scrap Baby (elizabeth), Lefty (charlie), Scraptrap (springtrap, unfortunately who has a rotton raisin inside him ), and Molten Freddy (the remaining animatronics that had jumped into michael’s skin lumped together)

soon as theyre all there ? boom . henry lights the place on fire just like mike had and THEY BOTH JUST SIT THERE AND DIE IN IT TOO LIKE ITS SO METAL and it burns everyone else as well

and all the kids are like

uwu

owo

and drag william afton into HELL!! and they get to torture him for a while together and get the revenge they deserve hell yeah tbh UCN is so iconic

BUT Fazbear Entertainment drinks the capitalism so theyre like…. :((( we’ve been so bullied we totally didnt haev an employee who killed countless children… .pleas,e,e,, buy our mehrch, , n,,jdn

SO they employ an AU version of scott cawthon to make, essentially, the games that we’ve all been playing, but like, in-universe, – so the company in universe has fnaf video games made in order to make light of and cover up the actual murders that happened in the canon. is this too meta yet?

okay i lied this is also the scariest part of the franchise bc of how accurate it is to corrupt business hGJFSKDLHDSS

therefore, they create Help Wanted, the recently released VR game (also a game in-universe) and they use salvaged circuitboards and shit from all the old animatronics to program the game, but of course that just ends up transferring everyone’s soul into the game – the kids, the animatronic AIs, and BASTARD MAN

spring bonnie, now called Glitchtrap, is in a deteriorated mental state and is weak to Afton’s influence, and the fuck is able to manipulate an unknown amount of people into helping him out of the VR game and into the in-universe real world. one of these people was jeremy fitzgerald, michael afton’s childhood friend and a former employee at Fazbear’s Pizza during 1987.

he was involved in a lawsuit against the company making the game, and we don’t know what has happened to him yet. but he’s very important. evidence points to him being one of the kids that helped michael put CC’s head into Fredbear’s mouth, and that in 1987 when working at freddys he was bitten and is somehow functioning without a frontal lobe (but like, michael at this point is functioning with insides made of pudding and rotting skin so . basically theyre both too gay to die )

but we DO know that theres at least one person communicating directly with Glitchtrap, who he seems to have convinced to help set him free, someone whos made their own rabbit mask but doesnt seem to be willingly doing this, and might be brainwashed

also, currently, (this is really weird because we are currently living in the same time as the fnaf timeline is at right now) Fazbear Entertainment is planning on a “service program” that is basically sending personal animatronics to peoples houses and GUESS how fucking well THAT works out bc theyre STILL ALL HAUNTED YOuf g

and it seems like theyre planning on opening a new location in 2020, and that might be when we can learn more about the reluctant follower of springtrap and who has the camera while everyone moshes on william aftons corpse

basically the games are about childhood trauma, recovery, the love of family and friends, and justice against many kinds of evils

also where the fuck is sammy

#.msg #five nights at freddy's #UH HOPE THIS MADE SENSE #literally this is the short version #i have to pee but we coouldt stop writing this HGJKFSDHFKJDHJ #theres literally so much left out its unexplainable in this format #we need like. a google doc or smth where we can write 57382972346758349674386543672 words #animals #ask to tag #my autism is showing #anonymous #timeline

25 notes · View notes

legion1993 · 5 years

Text

Please Don’t Make Me Do This

title: Please Don’t Make Me Do This

kink square filled: Knife Play

dark square filled: Knife Play

Heaven & Hell square filled: Demon!Dean

ship: Demon!Dean x reader

rating: 14+

tags: major character death, forced knife play,

summery (if applicable): its a surprise….

word count (if applicable):

created for @spnkinkbingo @spndarkbingo @heavenandhellbingo

also this is for a request brought in by @hawaiianohana15

tag: @sweetness47 @alexis-m-kruger

spn kink bingo masterlist Dark bingo masterlist heaven and hell masterlist

this was possibly the hardest event of your entire life, the hardest day of your life. the day you witnessed the love of your life get murdered on the eve after your engagement.

Dean had gotten hold of the first blade again after being bruised and beaten badly in a mortal kombat fight type deal with Metatron.

Metatron stabbing Dean through the heart with an angel blade just as Sam came round the corner and Dean of course turned around.

Sam helped Dean off the ground and tried to make it out of the warehouse but Dean coughed, said he was proud of them and then breathed his last.

Sam had called out for Cas in a loud scream of pain. about 5 minutes later Cas appeared and became terribly horrified at the sight before him.

Cas: “what happened?”

Sam: “Metatron killed him, we have to get home.. back to the bunker, to YN she needs to know but no one else can... can you get us and the impala back in one shot or is it needed in 2 trips...”

Cas: “it can be done in 1 shot but how will you tell YN... wont she be crushed?”

that was when Cas realized that Sam was gonna tell you after they got back to the bunker... sam was gonna tell you what happened, tell you that Dean died like hero... that he went down fighting and that his last thoughts werent of her but he knew he loved you.

Cas: “look Sam i know that YN and Dean were a thing but there is something i have to tell you... about their relationship... but she doesnt know, neither of them did... you can’t tell her...”

Sam now intrigued finds the strength to look away from his brothers corpse. Cas took a deep breath watching as Sam now sat looking at him.

Sam: “cant tell her what?”

Cas: “she and Dean fullfilled the prophecy that Heaven spoke over them, they conceived a child a week before the death of a winchester at the hands of Metatron.”

Sam: “YN’s pregnant?”

Cas: “yes, but there is nothing else that can be done here, lets take this show back to the bunker and see if there is anything that can be done about Dean... ill take us all straight to his room, then ill stay here while you go talk to YN before she finds out on her own about Dean...”

it stayed with you heavily as you sat there pouring through the books and every page seemed to make time go by alot slower than it actually was... it wasnt until you flipped the page again that you heard your name being called. this made your head snap up...

you went around the corner and Saw Sam walking towards you...

Sam: “hey squirt!”

You looked around and didnt see Dean, didnt see your man. you turned your gaze back to Sam who walked closer to you...

YN: “where’s Dean?”

Sam: “YN he was hurt badly... there was an accident, it was a bad one... before i let you see him you need to know he might not come back from this one alive... or if alive he wont be himself... the first blade really did a number on him. but his last concious thoughts were of you... YN he wasnt breathing when Cas got to us... Cas is with him now trying to figure this out, but so far no luck...”

YN: “i have to see his body...”

Sam stepped immediately in front of you stopping your entry to the hallway.

YN: “get out of my way Sam... i have to see his body...”

Sam: “no cause if you go in there your not gonna be able to unsee that...”

YN: “there has to be something we can do...”

Sam: “we will find a way but for now lets leave him alone...”

you went back too the library and cracked a bottle of whiskey... Sam stood around the corner for a few minutes and watched you slowly crumble apart...

Sam went back to talk to Cas...

Cas: “ive healed his major wounds and slowed the death process... how did she take it...”

Sam: “she has started to drink the whiskey... i dont think she will come back from this...”

Cas: “well lets go make sure she isnt gonna do something stupid...”

you went to the door and let him inside... you walked down the stairs with Crowley at your tail... both Sam and Cas stood taking defensive position...

Sam: “Squirt what is he doing here?”

You finished walking down the stairs before you answered...

YN: “he is here to help me save Dean... he says he can save him... ergo that is whats going to happen...”

Cas: “dont do this, we cant trust him...”

Crowley: “look ok i have a soft spot for YN and Dean they have become my new favorite couple... but when word got out downstairs about Metatron having killed Dean. i knew it would be only a matter of time before i got a call from YN, but i also knew i might or might not be able to help.. YN show me where the body is... then ill need a while alone with it... for the way this should go may or may not come with alot of side effects...”

you led Crowley to Dean’s room, opening the door this was your first glance at Deans body... this was the only time other than not but 6 years before when you had lost Dean... to your dismay this time looked much much worse.

YN: “crowley do what you have to... just make sure he comes back to me in one piece...”

Crowley: “ill do my best and let me be the first to say congratulatons!”

you left the room wondering what the hell he meant, but still made your way back to the library... you sat on the couch and waited, waited patiently...

---------------------------

Crowley stands beside Dean placing the first blade in Dean’s right hand and placing both on his chest.

Crowley: “listen to me Dean Winchester, what you're feeling right now, it's not death. It's life, a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. And by the way your going to be a father, now lets go take a howl at the moon.”

----------------------------

something stirred, you felt it, you felt the house shake, the entire bunker shook with a violent power... it wasnt but a few moments later that the power went out in the entire bunker... no sound could be heard but something inside you stirred, something felt new, arisen if you would...

YN: “Sam, Cas are you guys okay?”

Sam and Cas are at your sides immediately!

Cas: “i dont know but i cant leave my power isnt working...”

Sam: “YN you looked a little stunned a few moments ago... what did you feel?”

You didnt know how to answer that, it was a very strange feeling but being bonded with Dean made things easier. during hunts and stake outs... but now it felt like something went horribly wrong... crowley did however say that there may be side effects...

YN: “i think whatever Crowley did worked but i dont feel normal Dean i feel a much darker force... if that is why the power went out then we need to lock this place down... now and we need to prepare for the worst... lock it down nothing gets in and nothing gets out...”

you, Sam and Cas all armed yourselves, going down the halls till the tri-fork in the hall... each of you took a hall... Cas came across nothing he stayed near the armory for a few minutes to make sure Dean wouldnt be able to easily access it if he came that way... Sam made it down his hall way to the garage, but obviously with the security locked down and the power outage the garage wouldnt be a good escape route...

you went down the bedroom hallway, the emergency red lights going down the hallway made it to your room, checked it once and cleared it of being offended... then sam’s room along with Cas’ room....

the room at the end of the hall, the one room where you didnt think anything was wrong... the one room where the closer you got the more anger and pain you felt... before you could fully encrouch on the room, the door flung off its hinges... you ducked into the darkened bathroom...

Demon!Dean: “Sammy, YN, Castiel! where is everyone to greet the brother who has come back from the dead? YN baby come give daddy a kiss...”

Dean now walking towards the bathroom slowly, now sniffs the air... he suddenly becomes ravenous for the being who holds the smell of pumpkin pie. the closer he got to the bathroom, the stronger the smell got.

Demon!Dean: “come on out Baby.. i dont want to hurt you, but i will if i have to... come on out baby... dont you want to celebrate with me about our child... oh yes i know all about that... you can thank Crowley for that... now im gonna count to 3 if you dont show yourself by the time i get to 3, im gonna hurt you baby, i dont want to but i will...1...”

you didnt know what to do, so you stood there behind the door and didnt realize that you were starting to sweat badly your gun was slipping... before you could even react your gun fell to the ground...

Demon!Dean: “ah so you want to have a bit of bathroom fun hmm... well daddy brought a fun little tool... now lets play...”

with that Demon!Dean stalked into the bathroom forcefully pulling the door shut as he now stood there with you in the creepy red lighting, he stood there with his pocket knife.

YN: “please dont do this, you dont want to hurt me i know you dont... for the sake of our child... please... i didnt know about my being pregnant D... im just finding out about this... look ok it tore me up to see your body like that, so i called Crowley... i knew when the power went out that you had come back... but i didnt expec...”

before you could say another word, his hand covered your mouth... he gently yet firmly ran the knife over your skin, he pressed down in certain tender spots, like your forearms, your thighs, your chest, as well as your cheeks. before stopping at your neck to lean in to sniff your aroma..

Demon!Dean: “you know babe, i never pictured myself as a father... i just realized i never told you what i did in Hell the first time i died... i tortured people, i tortured souls... these people didnt deserve it, but i didnt care, i liked it... now i think i’ll torture you similar to them...”

Demon!Dean: “i still have enough sense to know not to fuck a pregnant woman... but that doesnt mean i cant make you bleed...”

before he could finish cutting you in a few more places, the sound of your name came ringing through the halls.

Sam: “cas do you see that?”

Cas looks straight ahead at the door on the floor...

Cas: “does that mean he is back?”

Sam: “yes but he doesnt have the strength normally to kick in these door which are reinforced with iron... he would have to...”

thats when it hit Sam like a sack of bricks... the shocked look on his face now said everything he connected the dots and soon realized that whereever Dean was you would be too...

Sam: “Dean or whatever you call yourself.. show yourself now...”

then he turned to Cas and in a low whisper adressed him.

Sam: “ok Cas go down the hall and hide around the corner as soon as he shows himself ill keep his gaze fixed on me, use your teleportation to get directly behind him... go...”

Cas ran to where Sam said but heard the same not so distant voice Sam soon did...

Demon!Dean: “ill be out in a second brother, im just taking a leak... then ill come out and talk...”

Demon!Dean finished making you bleed some more watching your body slide down the wall, weak from blood loss as he opened the bathroom door and exited...

Demon!Dean: “hey Sammy... come give your big brother a hug...”

Sam started to slowly back up seeing the blood covering Dean’s hands and clothes...

Sam: “where’s YN?”

Demon!Dean: “i wouldnt know your the first one ive seen...”

Sam: “then whose blood are you covered in?”

Demon!Dean: “i found a family of rats and slaughtered them... why do you look so scared bro?”

Sam: “thats not rats blood is it?”

Demon!Dean could only bring off a dark smile... as he followed Sam down the hall and away from the bathroom... Cas took his opportunity to come out from around the corner and go towards the bathroom... where he found you... he took off his trench coat and laid it over you...

Cas: “what did he do to you?”

YN: “he called it knifeplay... i have no idea why he did this but he needs something... he needs a good angelic exorcism...”

Cas: “what do you have in mind?”

you explained to Cas that first you needed to get into some clean clothes of some kind and clean up some of this blood... Cas went to your room and grabbed one of your satin gowns...

Cas came back seeing you limping... he helped steady you while you got dressed... then he took your arm with his hand... he smiled lightly and doove deep into steadying you before helping you into the direction that he watched Demon!Dean & Sam go in...

he made sure you were alright before he took off to get into his position... slowly but steadily you made your way down the hall... to the sound of running footsteps and the sound of something breaking...

Demon!Dean: “Sam come on lets not play these games... why do you hide from your older brother...”

you steadied yourself and held the colt up high...

YN: “Demonic force that resides within Dean Winchester... i address the entity within thee... please dont make me do this...”

Demon!Dean turns to face you slowly after stopping in his tracks...

Demon!Dean: “YN baby i see you have managed to get up off the floor and clean yourself up... darling you really should be more careful with that, since when did i give you permission to touch that gun...”

YN: “you didnt i took it from your hiding place when i got up off the floor... you need to make sure that you pick better hiding spots...”

Demon!Dean: “and you need to make sure not to snoop...”

YN: “dont make me do this...”

you stayed tall and strong keeping the Colt trained on Dean...

Demon!Dean: “now now babe put the gun down... put it down or take your shot...”

you started to slowly put the gun down but then he charged towards you, Cas came out behind Dean and wrapped his arms around him from behind...

you took your shot, you shot Dean while he was in the arms of Cas, you watched between Cas’ angelic grace and the bullet from the colt the demonic energy that was within Dean now blinked away... now within the eyes of the man before you, blinked between the demonic force within and the Dean you fell in love with.

Cas: “ready YN im gonna keep holding onto him while you enact the final part of your plan... anytime now...”

that was your cue, you tossed the colt in the air running towards the man who stole your heart a thousand times over... you kissed him, he didnt react right away it was about 5 minutes into the kiss that he started to kiss you back...

thats when Cas let go, it made you feel normal to be back in Dean’s embrace... once the kiss broke you took him over to the security station you had set up and showed him all of what happened...

Dean: “i know that i wasn’t myself but i hurt you, i hurt the one person who means the world to me... i’m so sorry YN... you don’t deserve a guy like me... i’m a worthless piece of shit... to top it all off, we are expecting a baby... we are expecting i don’t know if i’m ready to be a father...”

Cas and Sam come back into the room making sure that it was safe first... then Sam took it upon himself to hand Dean his jacket, to which made you look with confusion but you didnt make anything of it.

Sam: “good luck buddy...”

you grab 3 glasses & the whiskey, while the charade continues... but wasnt expecting what happened next...

Dean: “dont touch your glass of whiskey yet.... YN there is something i wish to discuss with you first...”

You stared at Dean curiousity swimming in your mind... Dean took a small swig of his whiskey before he continued to speak...

Dean: “YN in all my years together never have i ever been so amazed by anyone. you’re strong, brave, talented, one of the best with a machete ive ever seen, i never would have seen myself being with someone who is as lovely and smart as you... YN i know we have just been through hell and back and both need a really good shower, but will you do me the incredible honor of marrying me and making me the luckiest man alive...”

YN: “yes yes yes...”

thats when Dean opened the ring box out of his jacket and slid the expensive but not expensive ring on your finger... the toasting lasted for 30 minutes before the cuts on your body cloted, and the blood on Dean crusted, but it was about time when you spoke again...

YN: “Dean no offense but you need a shower...”

Dean: “funny darling i could say the exact same thing about you....”

#heaven and hell bingo #spndarkbingo #spnkinkbingo

32 notes · View notes

dcndelicn · 5 years

Text

brenna needs emergency surgery and attempts to break up with tristan

@pcnumbras

britt

brenna knew something was seriously wrong for a couple days now. she couldnt breathe without it hurting and she was throwing up what she shouldnt be. at first she dismissed it as stress but once tristan was home and things were better, the issue persisted and she knew it wasnt right. Sitting in bed, brenna placed a quick kiss on tristan’s cheek before then rushing to the bathroom and threw up. the blood was alarming but something she had become used to. she attempted to get up but it was as though suddenly she didnt have the strength. she rested her head against the wall, “tristan..”

tess

Things had been different since Tristan got home from the hospital. Maybe it was cause he'd had to take a week off before he was cleared to go back. He'd noticed something was off with Brenna though. He'd feared the worst, of course, that she'd relapsed, but he wasn't sure. He trusted that she would tell him herself soon enough. He smiled as she kissed his cheek, letting out a sigh, knowing it was time to get out of bed. Hearing Brenna's voice in the bathroom, his brows furrowed and he got out of bed. The sight in front of him of the blood in the toilet and brenna slouched over by the wall was the scariest thing he'd seen. He could feel his chest pouding as he rushed to her side. "Hey, I'm here baby. Don't worry." He said, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. He stood up and sprinted back to the bedroom to grab his phone and then came back to crouch down next to her as he called an ambulance.

britt

She nodded her head when he ran back into the bedroom. When he came back beside her, tears streamed down her cheeks. “My throat hurts so bad. I dont want to die like this. Please dont let me go in pain. It hurts so bad.” The crying was making it hard to breathe. She took his hand, “I’m sorry..”

tess

Tristan squeezed her hand tightly, shaking his head. He had tears streaming down his cheeks, and he was panicing waiting to hear the sound of the ambulance. "You're not gonna die okay. You need to fight through this, Austen needs you. I need you." He said. "Shhh, save your energy. The ambulance is coming okay."

britt

Seeing the tears, Brenna shook her head, reaching up to wipe them away. “The day of your accident I relapsed but I havent since. I was scared and my stomach was in knots and I...” She shrugged her shoulders. “I need you too.” She felt the urge to throw up again and quickly sat up, gripping on to the side of the toilet bowl as she did so. She leaned back against the wall, “You need to go to work.”

tess

Tristan bit his lip as she wiped away a tear, trying to pull himself together. "Its okay, I understand. I'm so sorry." He knew it wasn't his fault, but he couldn't help but feel guilty. Like his accident is what led to this. He held her heair back as she threw up again, taking in a deep breath because the action scared him to death. He shook his head, "No I don't. I'm staying with you." He said. He could hear the faint sound of the sirens, so he knew help was getting closer.

britt

“For what? It’s nor your fault, Tristan.” She was grateful for him and knew she wouldnt be able to get through this if she were with anyone else. “I dont want you getting in trouble.” She said, squeezing his hand as tight as she could, which wasnt very tight. “Ask for Sharna. Laurel trusts her a lot.”

tess

"But if I hadn't gotten hurt, maybe you wouldn't have relapsed and you'd be okay right now." He said, softly, closing his eyes for a second before looking at her. He shook his head, to let her know he wouldn't get in trouble. Family emergencies were an acceptable reason to not go to work. Her grip on his hand was weak, but he continued to hold on tight. "I will. Its gonna be okay, they'll take care of you, they took care of me." He said, his voice shaking just the slightest with fear. He knew that throwing up blood was a bad thing.

britt

“It’s not your fault. I shrugged it off but it was hurting to breathe a couple days before your accident happened and its just gotten worse. Like it felt like a pulled muscle in my back.” She smiled as he held on to her hand. “Make sure Austen knows how much I love her, ok?”

tess

“Why didn’t you say anything? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we get you to the hospital.” He said. He could hear the ambulance pull up in front of their house, and though he didn’t want to he let go of her hand so they could get inside the house and get her on the stretcher. “She knows and you can tell her yourself. I love you, I have to go let them in before they break down our door.” He said disappearing for a second to let them inside. “We will be right behind you, love.” He said as he returned behind them. He wanted to go with her, but he couldn’t leave Austen so he’d bring her in their suv behind the ambulance.

britt

“I thought I pulled a muscle in my back.” She said softly. “What if I dont get to tell her?” She asked. They loaded her onto the stretcher and she nodded her head as tears streamed down her cheeks. She wanted Tristan to go with her but she knew he couldnt. They loaded her into the ambulance, rushing her to the hospital

tess

Tristan watched as they took her out of the house on the stretcher, and then he rushed upstairs, picking a crying austen up out of her crib and grabbing her blanket and diaper bag and heading out to their car, and buckling her in, just as the ambulance pulled away. Tristan followed right behind it the whole way there, parking the car in the closest spot he could find, and grabbing austins carrier to bring her in too. "My fiance was just brought in on the ambulance. I'm here with our daughter, can I go see her?"

britt

Sharna was walking back to the exam room when Tristan stopped her. She nodded her head, “Yeah, sure. Whats her name? I’ll take you back there.”

tess

He recognized Dr. Stewart from being in the hospital before, and he felt a sigh of relief knowing she wouldn't give him a hard time about not being family "Her names Brenna King. She was throwing up blood. She's got a history of eating disorder." He said, spewing off information that he thought would be useful. He was so nervous, and he didn't know if Brenna was even still conscious enough to tell them these things.

britt

“That’s exactly where I was heading.” She said, motioning for him to follow. Sharna frowned, having an idea of what the problem could be. “Do you know of any other symptoms by chance?” She asked, her pace quickening.

tess

He nodded his head, picking up the carrier in one arm and following Sharna back towards where Brenna was. "She's been tired. And she said she thought she pulled a muscle? I don't really know. She's spent a lot of her life hiding these things, I try to be there for her but sometimes I think I don't notice things." He said, shaking his head. He took in a deep breath, tensing up to stop himself from crying. He wouldn't do it in public.

britt

Sharna looked at him, “Hey dont beat yourself up over it. An eating disorder is something that takes time, ok? I dont know much about her family but she seems very structured so I feel like maybe her parents put a lot of pressure on her and sometimes people that grew up that way tend to become reclusive when they’re going through something. It’s not your fault.” She said arriving at Brenna’s room. “I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this before but I want to see what I find out from her and if I’m right, she should be dead by now.”

tess

He sighed, looking down at the ground. "Yeah, they were to her. I just feel like if I'd been paying more attention to her than I was to myself than maybe I would have noticed and could have gotten her to a doctor sooner. " He said shrugging. When Sharna said Brenna should be dead by now, Tristan froze, unable to breath for a moment. "Is she going to die?" He said his voice wavering and quiet.

britt

“Dont do that to yourself. I think she would have killed you if you had paid more attention to her” She assured him. “You have to take care of yourself too.” She smiled then let out a sigh. “It’s a possibility but I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that doesnt happen.” Sharna gave him a reassuring smile, “I’ve seen this before and it’s an esophageal rupture. It’s very common in those dealing with an eating disorder but I’ve also seen it in pregnant women and even those dealing with a stomach virus.”

tess

He let out a sigh shaking his head, “I know but it’s my job to take care of them too.” He bit the corner of his lip nodding his head. He was terrified, and he knew they would do everything they could but he could only pray it was enough. When she said esophogeal rupture he nodded his head taking in a deep breath and standing up straighter. “So are you taking her into surgery? Or what is the next step.”

britt

“Yes but you cant take care of your loved ones if you dont take care of yourself first.” Sharna nodded her head, “We are going to take her into surgery. Is there anyone you want us to call before we take her in? If you want some alone time with her, you can go in there.”

tess

"I should be able to take car of all three of us. What kind of man am I if I can't." He said, letting out a sigh. He shook his head when Sharna asked if there was anyone he wanted them to call and he shook his head. "No, I can-- its okay. I'll call her family. Can we just go in and give her a kiss first?" He asked, setting down the carseat and taking Austen out of it. "Come on pumpkin, we gotta go give mama a kiss before she goes to surgery." He didn't want to think about the worst happening to her, but he couldn't let her go into surgury without seeing her and letting austen see her one last time.

britt

“You still can take care of the three of you, it’s ok sometimes to take time for you or ask for help, trust me. As a single mom of 2, ask and accept all the help you can get ok?” She smiled then nodded her head. “Yes of course you can. I’ll give you both a moment alone, ok?” Sharna said, giving another smile. Hearing the door, Brenna smiled, sitting up. “I’m sorry, Tristan.”

tess

"We get lots of help from her brother and sister-in-law, and my mom. Somehow I still missed it though. I want to be able to take care of them myself too. Thats a dad's job, and a husbands job. Which hopefully I will get to be." He said, frowning a little. Walking into the room, Tristan rushed over to her side, taking her hand with his free one. "We love you, okay? So you need to do everything you can to make sure you come back out of that surgery." He said, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

britt

“Laurel. She’s good with kids. I understand and from what I’ve seen, you’re a very good dad and you’ll be a great husband.” She assured him. Brenna wiped her eyes. “I love you both too. So much. I promise that I’ll try, ok?”

tess

Tristan nodded his head, "Yeah, Laurel. We are lucky to have her and Austin." He was greatful for all the help, he just couldn't help but feel a little defeated in this situation. Tristan nodded his head, and held Austen out so Brenna could give her a kiss too. "We are going to be right here waiting for you." He squeezed her hand, not even bothering to wipe the tear from his eye.

britt

”She’s a huge help. I’m glad you have her.” Brenna smiled, giving Austen a kiss on her forehead and then reached up, wiping his tear away. “I’m sorry I’m putting you through this. You deserve so much better.” At that moment, Sharna came back into the room, ”I’m sorry. We gotta take her to the OR. I’ll come get you as soon as surgery is over and she’s in a room.”

tess

Tristan shook his head at Brenna's words, "We just want you, babe." He was scared that it would be the last time he saw Brenna. He took a step back as Sharna came into the room, nodding his head. "Okay, I'll be in the waiting room." He said, biting his cheek and putting austen back into the carseat to take her to the waiting room.

britt

“You have to find someone that wont put you through all this, ok?” She never wanted anyone who wasnt Tristan. She felt that he was her soulmate. Sharna nodded her head as Tristan went to the waiting room and she wheeled Brenna into surgery. After about 4 hours, the surgery was over minus a couple complications and Brenna was put into a room and Sharna came out to the waiting room and over to Tristan. “Tristan? She’s out of surgery and we put her into a room.”

tess

Tristan swollowed hard, shaking his head. He wouldn't ever find someone else. No one like Brenna. Even if she was a twin she was one of a kind and his soulmate. The wait had felt like forever. His mom came and took Austen, and after that he had spent the rest of the time pacing and praying. He wasn't really a religeous man, but it gave him some comfort while he waited. Finally when Sharna came out he perked up again. "Did it go okay? How is she? Is she going to be okay? Can I go see her?"

britt

“There were a couple complications but she’s ok now and she will be ok. Her throat will be sore for a couple days but luckily we were able to do it endoscopically so there are no incisions or anything that will need to heal. Yes of course. I’ll take you to her room.” She smiled, nodding in the direction of the elevators.

tess

Hearing Brenna was okay, he let out a large sigh, tears of releif falling as his body physically relaxed hearing she was okay. "Oh thank god. " He said, wiping a tear and nodding his head as he followed her. "Will she be able to eat normally and stuff?" He asked as they entered the elevator.

britt

Sharna nodded, “After about a day or two. Right now, we suggest water and things like solid apple juice. If she feels up to trying actual food at any point, just let us know.” Stepping off the elevator, Sharna lead him to Brenna’s room. “Like I stated, there were complications but she’s ok and she will be ok.” Stopping in front of Brenna’s door, she turned to look at Tristan, “Do you have have any questions for me?”

tess

He nodded, trying to take mental notes of everything that sharna said. He was a nervous wreck, unsure of what it would be like when he stepped inside the room. What state Brenna would be in. "What were the complications? What will they mean?"

britt

“Her heart stopped a couple times but she’ll be ok. She’s unconscious right now but she’ll wake up soon, alright?” She stated with a smile. “Do you need me to get anything for you guys?”

tess

When she said Brenna's heart stopped a couple times, Tristan felt like his heart was going to stop. That he'd come that close to loosing her. He nodded his head, "Yeah okay. And uhm, not. I don't think so. I just need her to be okay." He said letting out a sigh.

britt

Sharna frowned, patting his shoulder. “She’s gonna be ok. It’ll be sore for a little while but she’ll be back to normal in no time. I promise. If you guys do need anything, don’t hesitate to have me paged.”

tess

He nodded his head giving her a half smile, “thank you. For saving her.” He said, before opening to door to the room. It broke his heart to see Brenna laying in a hospital bed, but it wasn’t the first time. He walked over to her, brushing a hair out of her face, “you did it babe. You made it through.”

britt

Sharna nodded her head, ”Just doing my job, no need to thank me.” She smiled. It was a couple hours before Brenna finally came to and she looked around the room, a smile gracing her features seeing Tristan. “Hi, babe.” She said, her voice raspy.

tess

Tristan hadn't left his spot next to Brenna since he got in there. He'd let himself doze off a few times, but then someone would come in and check on Brenna and he would wake back up. Hearing a voice beside him, Tristan sat up and smiled. "Hey baby, you're okay." The took her, kissing the top of it.

britt

She smiled, nodding her head. “I could never leave you. I do stand by what I said earlier. You do deserve so much better and I’m so sorry for putting you through this.”

tess

"Good because we both need you." When she said he deserved better he let out a sigh shaking his head, "I don't want anyone besides you. All that matters now though is that you're here and you're talking to me, and not throwing up anymore blood."

britt

She smiled, “All I want is you too. I cant live without you. Throwing up blood was terrifying. I just thought I pulled a muscle in my back because that’s what it felt like.” She loved that he was still by her side through all of this. Even though she did try to tell him that he deserved better, she thought him actually taking her up on the idea would surely send her over the edge. “I gotta be honest about something. I know I let you down and that is eating me alive but the day of your accident, my stomach was in knots and I had the urge to throw up but it wasn’t happening and I just felt worse so I forced it so I guess...I did relapse but at the same time I didnt. It doesnt make sense, I know but I cant handle you blaming yourself. It breaks my heart.”

tess

Tristan let out a sigh, shaking his head, "When I walked in and saw the blood and you leaying there so weak..." He trailed off. It was probably the scariest thing he'd ever seen and something he wasn't likely to forget. Tristan let out a sigh, placing his hands on her face and a kiss on her forehead, "I know babe. I had a feeling, I just-- I guess I just wanted to believe that it was all going to be fine and if it was becoming a thing again you would tell me. I just hate that the stress of me being in the hospital caused it. I can't help but feel a little guilty about that."

britt

“I’m sorry you had to see that. I wish you didnt have to.” She felt bad that he had to see her that way and more than anything she wished she could change that. “I promise I’ll tell you if it happens again. I had been feeling bad for a few days, Tristan. It’s not because of your accident I promise.”

tess

"I wish it hadn't happened, but its in the past okay? All I care about is now." He said, squeezing her hand. He sighed, looking down at the ground, "Promise you won't let things go on for days like that either. If you're feeling bad, you need to see a doctor. I promise I'll do the same, and when the time comes where I need to leave my job, you know I will." He felt like he still had more to give as far as being a firefighter went, but he knew a time would come when he wouldn't do it anymore.

britt

She nodded as he squeezed her hand. “That’s all I care about too, babe. Now.” She chewed her lower lip and nodded her head. “I’ll try not to. I try to take care of everyone else first but I will try not to let things go on.” She smiled then snorted when he said he would leave his job. “You would never.”

tess

He smiled, nodding his head, "Good. You can't care for us at your best ability if you aren't taking care of you. I want our daughter and any future children we have to have their mom around for all those important things in their life, you know?" He said shrugging. " I would too. I don't want to. I feel like I've still got more to learn and more to do there, but I don't want to die either." He said letting out a sigh.

britt

“Future children? How many are we talking?” She asked with a smile. “But yeah, I know what you mean. I want to be around for those too.” She shook her head, “No you wouldnt. Your job is like, the most important thing to you in the whole wide world. You wouldnt leave.”

tess

"Hmm, at least one more. Maybe 2. I don't want to have more mouths than we can afford to feed." He said letting out a chuckle. Tristan let out a sigh, shaking his head, "If you think thats true, then I haven't been a very good dad or fiance. Because you two are way more important."

britt

"I'd be down for two." She smiled, shrugging her shoulders. "I get overwhelmed easily. I don't think I could handle more than 3." She laughed. "You can still be a good dad and a good fiancé and still love your work more. It doesn't mean you're not good to us. I've accepted it and I'm ok with it. You're helping people."

tess

Tristan smiled, putting a kiss on top of her head, "We can space them out, they don't have to be close together or anything. Not more than you can handle, baby." Tristan let out a sigh, running a hand over his head in discouragement. "I have. Because I do NOT love my work more than you or more than Austen. Honestly thats a little insulting to hear." Did he want to quit his job? No, it made him feel like he was making a difference in the world and he had no idea what he would be doing if it wasn't firefighting, but he wasn't going to let it cost him his family.

britt

“Spacing them out is a good idea I think. But if they end up close together I’m not opposed to that either.” She smiled. His reaction made her want to cry. He wasnt going to make pushing him away easy but she needed him to see that he deserved someone better. “I’m sorry but if I’m ok with it, it shouldnt matter. It’s okay.” She said, giving him a smile.

tess

He let out a sigh, covering his face with his hands and shaking his head. He didn't know what to say, so he began pacing silently. "Do you want me to quit right now? God Brenna, its not okay! Its not okay that you really think that lowley of me that you think I love it more. I've been right here for you with everything, how can you not see that you're the most important thing in my life?"

britt

“No, I dont want you to quit. Your job is important to you Tristan. I dont think that lowly of you. You’re with me because you feel like you have to be.” She felt tears pool in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. “You are saving people and that’s what is most important.”

tess

"I'm not with you because I feel like I have to be. I'm with you because I love you. I want to marry you. If I didn't love you, then I wouldn't Brenna. You're the person I want to spend my life with. And what life is it if I don't have you? What good is saving people if I can't save my family." He said, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to prevent himself from crying.

britt

Brenna shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. She needed him to see that he deserved better than her. That there is better than her out there for him. “There’s nothing to save. We’re..” She couldnt breathe because of the words she was about to utter. “We’re over, Tristan.” In that moment, she hated herself more now than she did 5 minutes prior. He was her soulmate and she loved him more than anything in the world. “We can alternate weekends with Austen and during the week you can have her when you arent on shift.”

tess

Her words were like a knife to his chest and he took in a deep breath, taking a step back. "What the hell are you talking about Brenna? You're seriously going to break up with me? I'll send in the resignation right now, I don't know what more you want from me!" He was hurt and angry and confused. Things were fine 5 minutes ago and they were talking about more kids, and then suddenly they changed and he didn't understand. "Why are you doing this? Why do you want to keep hurting me, I don't understand. I'm not letting you give up on our family that easily." He said, letting a tear fall.

britt

“Yes. We’re over.” She wished she could take the words back; she wished that talking about their future didnt make her realize all that her existence did was keep him from a happier life. “You’re not sending in your damn resignation. I want you to leave.” She didnt want him to leave though. His words made her stomach tighten and it felt like a knife went straight through her heart. “Why would you want to be with someone that keeps hurting you? I’m sorry my eating disorder is hurting you, I’m sorry my eating habits are hurting you, I’m sorry that I am hurting you.” She couldnt help it; she had started sobbing, despite how much she wanted to hide it. “I need you to realize that you deserve better. I’m trying my hardest to push you away and make you see that but it clearly isnt working. I don’t deserve the life you’re giving me. You have no idea the amount of hatred I have for myself right now, and its done nothing but increase in the past few minutes and knowing that I just...keep hurting you is making it worse because that has never been my intention. Did I want you to quit? Yes, but I never said anything because it is your job and you are so happy so I’d much rather sit, alone waiting for you to come home. I would love to have a day where I dont have to worry about whether or not you’ll come home but it’s your job so I deal with it. I’m sorry if I keep doing things to hurt you. I am so sorry but you deserve so much better than I can give because you have such a big heart and it is one of the many things I love about you. I love you more than I could ever put into words.”

tess

Tristan sighed shaking his head, "I don't want to leave. I want to fight for us." Everything she said to him made Tristans heart break. The way she started sobbing only made it worse, and he looked down at the groun to avoid making eye contact. "Your eating disorder isn't what hurts me Brenna. What hurts me is the fact that you aren't even listening to me. Doing this-- breaking up-- this is not what I want. I don't care if you think I deserve better, I dont want better. I want you. Do you know what makes me the happiest? Early mornings when I wake up, and I walk in to see you attempting to feed our daughter even when she's making a mess. Getting off work and coming home to find you with your hair all a mess, a script in front of you and you taking notes. You, Austen, our life, thats my happy place. You're my soulmate and if you think for a second that I would be happy without you, then you are seriously mistaken."

britt

As he spoke about what made him happy, she couldnt help but smile. He still wanted her. “You and Austen are my happy place too.” She said. “I’m sorry. You just do so much for me and I just...I feel like I’m not good enough for you. But I love you so much. I want more kids, I wanna get married. All of it with you.”

tess

Tristan let out a sigh, moving over closer to her and gently placing his hands on either side of her face, "I love you Brenna. The good stuff and the bad, and I know you don't think you deserve me, but thats because of your mother. You think you don't deserve love and good things and that you're not good enough, but I'm telling you: you are. You are good enough and you do deserve to be loved by me."

britt

She nodded her head, “I love you too. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I want to be loved by you. You mean everything to me.”

tess

"I love you too Brenna, you're my world. My girl. I don't want anyone else, and no one else would make me happy okay?" He said, giving a half smile.

britt

She smiled, nodding her head, “Ok.” She patted the space beside her on the bed. “Please. I just...I just need you.”

tess

Tristan smiled, hesitating for a moment. "Okay but first you gotta make me a promise that you aren't gonna try and push me away and break my heart anymore today." He said, giving a soft smile and raising a brow.

britt

Brenna smiled, nodding her head. “I promise. I’m so sorry Tristan. Our life is my happy place and I just want to make you the happiest you’ve ever been.”

tess

Tristan smiled, sitting down next to her. "I am the happiest... Okay well maybe not at this moment because of whats happened to you today, but I'm happy with my life. All I want is to marry you. And If I need to start looking for another job, I can start doing that. I don't know what yet, but I want to be there for our daughter and you and I don't want you to have to worry about me."

britt

“Good. I am too. My life is perfect because of you and at least I’m ok. All I want is to marry you too. I would love for you to start looking for another job but I cant let you do that. It makes you happy, so incredibly happy. You love saving people so I will have to put my fears aside and just pray that you come home to me.”

#ship: brennan

2 notes · View notes

infinitydoublevenus · 6 years

Note

like fern is just finn if he was bumped out of his own life and corrupted by a demon. it shows us different aspects of finn’s soul and personality, and how he would deal with all that - basically showing us his dark side, without fucking up main finn.

i had a whole long ass shpiel about why i disagree written out and then my computer decided not to listen to my mouse and it basically got destroyed

but in summary,

- MAJOR SPOILER WARNING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE FINALE YET-

i dont think everything that made fern the way he is was the demons fault. like… imagine if you will, waking up one day in a body you’re unfamiliar with, but not realizing it until someone looking just like you claims they are you, your brother defends them and claims you’re not who you really are, calls you a demon, your “son” (BMO) is terrified of you for what you can only assume is no reason, you realize you cant do the things you loved anymore because this body isn’t capable of it, and since you’re unfamiliar with it, you keep fucking up to the point where you feel like you can’t do anything right. then you finally, FINALLY get a chance to prove yourself and you’re incapable of doing what you were supposed to. which makes you feel less than your doppelganger because they seem so much more successful and better at what you did then you were. imagine that you realize “hey, these memories i have of my entire life aren’t mine anymore” that would surely cause someone to question whether they really were that person or not. and as we see in Do No Harm, Fern clearly is on the side of “i’m someone else now. i have these memories that you share with me, but our personalities and circumstances are different. therefore i am not you. maybe i used to be, but i’m not anymore.” by his own admission, and i quote: “Whatever I am, I’m… not you.” and then you get another chance to at least prove you’re not worthless at least to one person, and you fuck it up. at this point you’re so frustrated you snap. some might even resort to self harm (see: Fern tearing his “ears” off. Clearly they’re a part of his body or they wouldn’t have regenerated like they did.) the person who says they’re you tries to comfort you all the time but it’s not enough, they never get to the root of the issue. you want to tell them. you want them to understand. but they’ve never been through something like this, so they don’t. imagine that no one else IN THE WORLD that you know of has the same problem that you do. imagine how lonely that must have felt for him. he literally felt like he was completely alone. the only person going through this hell that he was trapped in. and imagine that, in your head, this voice (the demon) is whispering to you, and urging you to do harmful things to others. you dont want to, but you want it to shut up. thus he suggests “sever his tendons?” when talking about how to deal with Sweet P. on top of all of this, the worst part is you feel like you’ve been replaced. like you were nothing. like you didn’t matter enough for people to care that you were replaced. you try to form your own identity around who you are now and not what you used to be, but you don’t know what or who you are or are supposed to be. you don’t know what you want, since the role you most wanted to fill, this person has taken now. it gets so frustrating you’re convinced the only solution is if they died. you’ve sunk so far into this depressing narrative that you’ve convinced yourself of that you don’t see any other way out. but you don’t WANT them to die. so you hide them away and give them food and an item for comfort (meatloaf being finn’s favorite food & Fern giving him a pan of dirt because he didn’t know how to make meatloaf even though he already gave him garbage he could sift through so he at least wouldn’t starve). your plan is that everything would go back to normal so you wouldnt have to deal with this shit anymore. but suddenly the person escapes and attacks you. they start interrogating your motivations like they don’t already know about the shit you’ve gone through. so you start fighting with each other, and then because of the violence thats broken out, the demons power grows stronger than it should be and increases your willingness to fight and kill. you have your sword at your enemy’s throat and they start pleading that “it doesn’t have to be like this. we can just go home and talk things out! nobody has to die!” but before you can get a word in - and also, there’s no way Fern could have known it was an accident - their razorblade weapon slashes through your stomach. everyone thinks you’re dead. someone you don’t know and have never seen before, but looks similar to someone you know, finds you and revives you. they live with a nice old lady and their nephew. your real parents abandoned you, your father figure only wanted to use you (the grassy wizard “This is great for me, personally! You have to do my bidding!”) and your mother was forced to quarantine herself because of an epidemic and can only interact with you through a screen, and now here you are, being offered family! family you genuinely believe wont abandon you! friends! people who might be willing to try and understand you! including a father figure, a thing that was missing from your life since you were a little kid! not only that, but they’ve given you the ability to be more capable in fighting, and killing, the thing you were trying to do to your doppelganger. they gave you armor and weapons and a place to stay! their only condition is to fight in war against someone you barely even remember. its not like they need YOU to be their knight anymore anyway, the doppelganger does that now. HE’S the one loyal to them. so you go along with it,. you finally have a chance to get rid of said doppelganger when the father figure tells you “not yet”. since you appreciate what they’ve done for you, you obey. the next time you see the person who’s replaced you he wants to negotiate with “your boss” as he calls them. they’re not just a boss to you, they’re a father. not only that but he came here with your brother. who might i add, attacks you. imagine being called a demon by your brother, still having hope he might not hate you, and then a few months later being attacked by him like you’re his enemy, when you two were best friends throughout your childhood. ithe old lady comes out of the building and tells you both to stop fighting. your “twin” compares her to your mother. “She’s kinda like mom, yeah?” this person, this person who replaced you, is referring to the mother that would have, should have raised you as their own mother. so you feel compelled to justify that you’re her son too. “She was my mom too!” and then the doppelganger says you’re like family, so why are you fighting like this? you know he’s right, but you don’t want to admit it, because it HURTS to admit it. so you pull your helmet over your head and leave.

the next time you see them, they’re trying to negotiate to stop the war from happening. you don’t know what to think. they use a potion to put all of you in a shared dream, where your father figure orders you to kill the opposing side because maybe they’ll die in real life. you WOULD have, but then he straight up abandons you, just like your real father did. you’ve developed abandonment issues before because of that and they come to the surface now. you’re so upset you can’t move. the doppelganger tries to snap you out of it but he;’s the last person you want to see right now. so you try to get away from him, but he follows you. you get into another fistfight but before you can finish your brother reminds you that you have all the same traumas. but that your situations are still DIFFERENT, even though you share the same pain. your doppelganger and you have to face the music and he kills the demon, you’re finally free of it. “I’m me again.” this line can be interpreted in two different ways: literally, or figuratively. if we take it literally, he’s turned into finn again BUT like jake says, “it’s just a dream”. sure, it still causes you to die later on, but not everything in that dream became reality. and you only died because the demon was the only thing keeping your unfamiliar body from falling apart. if its interpretated differently however he could be seen as saying “finally, i’m back in my old body again, in a familiar body that i know how to operate in, and i am free of the demon’s curse and the impulses that were driving me to fight so violently.” they didnt say all that of course because it would be tedious, this isnt Hamlet where they can go on and on about how much they hate the planet for several hours. when you wake up from the shared dream, a strange entity is attacking everyone. you’re willing to defend your homeland “down to your last blade” as he puts it, but your body is starting to fall apart and isn’t suited for battle right now. you do your best, even fending off a giant monster, but you become so weak and frail you fall over (see: Huntress Wizard helping him during Time Adventure). you can barely move, but then the solution to defeating the entity comes to light. (singing) it’s something you can do without as much effort as battle would take, so you take part in it as well. but you’re almost completely broken apart by now. you can barely stand up. your doppelganger has escaped the entity that was trying to eat him. you’ve finally realized that he cared more about you than you wanted to admit. you know you’ll feel guilty if you die leaving him without a conclusion. so you get his attention. he’s distraught by the sight of you: weak, falling apart, literally dying in front of him. you try to lighten the mood, he offers to take you to your home so you can die in peace, but you see the expression on your brother’s face that says “that place was destroyed by the monsters”. you know he’d be distraught even more if you told him that now, so you comfort him with your last words. “It’s okay, just promise to plant me there.”

in conclusion, this post was longer than i intended for it to be, but not all of Fern’s bitterness and aloof, somewhat-empathy-lacking personality stems from the Emissary’s corruption. it was also from feelings of being replaced, estrangement from his brother, and abandonment issues. as well as a feeling of worthlessness which could be interpreted as clinical depression once it got to a certain point.

i don’t think Fern is just “Finn 2.0, we added misery in the latest update!” I think he’s a lot more complex than that. he realized they had the same traumatic memories, but they still had different situations: his doppelganger wasn’t being held captive by the Emissary like he was. they’ve gone through similar - even the same - shit, but he also has his own unique trauma finn’s never gone through. not the one we see after the episode where they revive Prismo, anyway.

he also sided with Gumbaldia not only because they offered him family and a home, “There’s nothing I have that you don’t!” but also because being equipped better for revenge gave him a purpose, something that his struggles with his identity partially stemmed from a lack of.

so yeah i don’t mean to be rude or anything, i am 100% NOT here for discourse, i just wanted to elaborate on my opinion and why i made that post about Finn and Fern earlier.

sorry if that was too long of a post to read haha… i just have a lot of nuanced opinions on a lot of different things.

tl;dr: fern’s issues, i believe, were caused by more than just a demon screaming in his ear at his every turn. i dont wanna be an asshole i just felt like elaborating

#adventure time #fern #fin #elaboration #text post #long post #opinions #headcanons #spoilers #major spoilers #adventure time spoilers #at #at spoilers

2 notes · View notes

abitofafatass · 3 years

Text

11-17-14 Grif and Kaikaina ( @bluegrif) (hsau)

Abitofafatass asked: ((brother/sister angst ahoy!)) What did you do?

abitofafatass

My muse visits yours in hospital.

“Grif?” Kai asked, leaning in the door. She wasn’t exactly sure what happened, but once she heard her brother was in hospital, Kai hauled ass. What did she do? More like what did he do? It was Simmons- she thinks- that told her that Grif was in hospital, but she doesn’t remember. Kai sat down and stared, confused and emotional. “What the fuck, Grif?”

Grif had a rather sour look on his face, and had one leg propped up in a cast. “I didn’t do anything. Some dickhole thought it was going to be funny to loosen the front tire of my bike before we started riding them.” But that didn’t seem to be the only reason he was here. They didn’t hook that many machines up to someone with only a broken leg. Also, he’d already been here a night. Didn’t they normally send people home once the cast was on?

She tried to put her hands on her hip, bumping her elbows an casually moving them back, her point failed. “Okay, but did you like, make him?” Kai tried. “Did you fuck with his shit first?” She leaned back, taking it in. “Can I draw on your cast when we get home? Cause, you’re all patched up, and there is nothing you can do to stop me.” She paused. “Wait, when are you coming home? I don’t see a release date…”

“No I didnt make him! I guess he thought it was a joke or something. Or maybe he was trying to get brownie points with Sarge…” Grif shrugged, and then bit his lip. “Well… I might not be getting out of here for a while, Sis. Turns out that my kidneys suck major cock, so… Gonna have to wait for a transplant…” In a way, it had been kind of a happy accident. Having to go to the hospital caught the problem before it started to actually get really bad. But that also put him at a low priority on the transplant list.

She frowned. “Awww, Grif! Why don’t you look after yourself? I mean… you look after me…” That deepened the frown. Since their mother fucked off, he had taken good care of her, and it was kinda upsetting that he hadn’t done the same for himself. “How many do you need?”

“Like, one working one.” He shrugged, “I guess they’ll see if you’re a match since we’re siblings, but it’ll suck since then you’ll only have one, and shit.” He leaned over to pull her into a hug, “Dont worry, ok Sis? It’ll be fine.”

“Just one?” She asked, practically squeezing her brother. “I mean, we only need one, right? Each, So I guess you could have mine. If it fits.”

He laughed, “It doesnt quite work like that, but yeah, thats the idea.” Grif rubbed her back comfortingly. “You gonna be ok at home by yourself?”

“Pfft, obviously. I’ll be fine, we have plenty of frozen shit. And it doesn’t take a genius to work the oven, right? I mean you do it every night.”

“Just dont forget about the food in there. And if the smoke alarm goes off, dont just unplug it because its annoying.” Grif was going to need to make a list of everything she needed to watch for, now that he thought about it. “Maybe I should just have someone stay with you.”

“Ew. No. You’ll pick Sarge or Simmons.” She wrinkled her nose. “I can be fine at home. Trust me. I swear I won’t have any wild parties again. At all. Not even a little one.”

“Like fuck I’m letting Sarge in my house.” Grif shook his head, mimicking her distaste. “Whats wrong with Simmons? Sure, he’ll make you healthy food, and try and make you do your homework… Actually, Simmons wouldnt be a bad idea.”

“No, no. He’s really dorky. No.” She pouted. No way was she letting Simmons in the house without Grif. He’d rearrange everything. Alphabetically. “Oh hell no. If Anyone, Make it Tucker, or Donut!”

He gave her a long look, “No. If I let Donut stay with you, I’d come home to a redecorated house by Martha Stuart or some shit. And if I let Tucker stay… Its best if you two arent even in the same room alone.”

“-But Simmons is your friend, and he’s not even the hottest.” She pouted. Okay, maybe Donut would take house sitting a little too seriously. And Tucker… Well, she wasn’t that smart, be she knew what her brother was getting at. Fucking like rabbits. It wasn’t even surprising. “Well, What about Church? He’s not really that good-looking, and he’s boring as shit? Or Caboose..?”

“Ok, maybe Church or Doc,” Grif conceded. Having Caboose over would be like the blind leading the blind. “Church is kind of a prick, and probably wont do that much, but I think he’ll manage to keep you out of too much trouble, and make sure the bills get paid on time.” He tucked a bit of hair that had gotten in Kaikaina’s face behind her ear and smiled. “Hopefully it wont take too long before I’m back home.”

“No way! Not Doc.” She retorts. “I don’t him doing all that pilates shit, or eat organic stuff. Gross.” She sighed. “fine. Church or Simmons.” A moment later, she gave a small smile. “You better get better soon, you know.”

Grif nodded, “Of course I will. And I’ll see if Simmons can stay with you soon. It might take a little convincing to get Church to do anything.” Now that that was settled, he leaned back in his hospital bed and relaxed. “So, how was school?”

“It sucks dicks.” She replied. “You won’t believe this, but they kicked me off the cheerleading squad again.”

“Really?” He heaved a huge sigh, “What happened this time?” How many times did this make? He couldnt remember.

“It’s the third, or the fourth. I can remember, but they were really bitchy.” The was an aggravated sigh. “Oh well, I guess I’ll just join the nerd club or something.”

He gave her a long look, “I’m sure there’s other clubs you can join. I don’t think the nerd club is ready for your type of awesome.” Or ready for a girl to be in their midst at all, really.

“No.. But I’ll be bored sitting at home.” She replied. “I mean I could invite people over, but Simmons will have an aneurism or something.”

“Simmons has an aneurysm every four minutes anyways.” Grif shrugged. “No wild parties. Dont do anything that would get you in a hospital bed, or the clinic.” She knew what he meant.

“Really? Maybe he should be in hospital too!” Kai gave a sigh. Crossing her fingers. “Fine. No parties. And no… Other stuff… Not like Simmons will let me anyway.” The last part grumbled.

That made him laugh, “I don’t think Simmons gets the whole talking to girls thing. He’d probably faint if you were just walking around in a bikini.” Besides, he was pretty sure that Simmons wasnt as straight as he made it seem (no he was not just hoping for his own sake).

“No shit. But It’ll be funny, so I’ll record it and take it in to show you. Maybe it’ll help your fucked up kidneys. Or made you giggle… And you totally know which one I’m talking about..”

He grinned and nodded, “Just make sure you dont kill the poor asshole. He may be a nerd, but… he’s not the worst guy in the world.” Grif felt bad for Simmons, almost. But what were friends for if not to take care of promiscuous younger siblings?

Kai wouldn’t be that bad. Not enough to kill him, obviously, because she didn’t want to go to prison. BUt that wasn’t the point, he seemed okay, but he was kinda a stickler for rules. And Kai, if not anything else, was one for breaking them. “Sure. No murder. Totally got it.”

“Good.” he nodded, and pulled her close for a hug again. That should take care of just about everything, he thought. “Sooo…” Grif started, “Anything, or anyone new in your life?” He may be taking care of her, but he was also her nosy older brother.

She raised a brow. “You wanna talk about boys?” That was new..

“Why not? Its not like I have anything better to be doing.” He was purposefully ignoring the stack of binders Simmons had left him that contained school work that he was going to miss.

“Awesome.” She replies, grabbing a marker and taking it to the cast. “Well, you know about Tucker. I mean that guy isn’t the worst I’ve had - You remember that last one right?” Kai spoke loudly, working with the pen.

“You mean the one I told you was bad news, but you said he had a cute ass so it didnt matter?” He couldnt see what she was drawing from here. At least he could trust her to not draw too many dicks.

“Yeah, him! He was kinda cute. I suppose Tucker is better. Well, he seems kinda desperate, but it’s cool. He’s nice really.” She nods, writing ‘Kai was here.’ In block caps.

“As much as it pains me to say it, Tucker is the better option of the two of them,” and that really was difficult to say. At least he was sort of friends with Tucker.

“Yeah. I think that guy does hard drugs now.” She smiled, finishing up a drawing of a smiley-faced dick with a hat.

“Yeah… I think now would be the time that I say stay the fuck away from that.” Grif nodded, craning to see what she was drawing. “Awesome. That looks absolutely awesome.”

“Thanks! I called it Simmons… Cause his name is Dick, right?” She grinned. “But yeah. Not cool. Not hot.”

Grif snorted, and leaned forward to give her a high five. “Nice one! And nice choice. You usually dont get over someone like that this fast. Could it by my baby sister is finally growing up?”

She slapped his hand and grinned. “Ain’t I just?… And I’m not a baby. You’re like…. Only some years older than me. But Yeah. And that means I don’t have to be baby sat, right?” Truth be told she wouldn’t mind an extra person wandering around the house whilst Grif was gone.

“I’m still gonna ask someone to stay with you, just because I know otherwise the bills wont get paid, and then you’re going to complain that you dont have any lights. Or food because the fridge would be broken.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know..” She pretended to pout. “Suppose it could be awesome for you to come home to a place tidy and that.”

“I think it’s going to have to be when I get those transplants done anyways…” Grif shrugged.

“Still, that’s plenty of time for him to clean up the whole entire house.” She grinned before adding. “-And I bet he will.”

He laughed, “He’ll clean and actually like doing it. Why do you think I suggested he stay with you?”

“Yeeahh. But Donut likes that shit too. And he’s not as… Obsessive. ”

“Yes and no. Donut may not be as big a neat freak, but I bet you anything he’ll want to redecorate, and paint and shit. Be a lot more work in the long run.”

“As long as its him working, why would you care….” She paused. Donut seemed to favour ‘lightish-red.’ “Okay, fair point.”

“Yeah…” he nodded, “I know it wouldnt make much difference to you, but I do not want to come home to a pink house.”

“What, why?! You’re hurt. Why do I still have to do homework?”

Grif gave the stack of binders on his bedside table a sour look. They seemed to be multiplying already. “I dont get out of classwork either, you know. Some dickhead thought that he was helping by getting the work I’ll miss.”

“…Is it the same dick that’s on your leg…” Kai asked, he would get it. “I don’t wanna. Maybe I can talk Simmons into doing it all too.”

“Kaiii,” he whined, “You cant do that when that’s what I was gonna try to do! I’m the sick one here! And yes, its the dick on my leg.”

“Well, we can both do it. He can practice with mine, then do yours afterwards. See, easy? How else was I gonna pass Algebra?”

“I don’t think Simmons is going to think like that. I think he’s going to think this is the perfect opportunity to tutor you.” He smiled, “I think its kind of a good idea.”

“Urgh… Don’t go all ‘Mother bird’ on me, Bro. Not cool.” Kai shook her head. “When do I get tested?”

Grif just laughed, “I’m still your big brother, no matter how cool I am.” Then he grew a little more serious. “I’ll make an appointment for you this weekend so you dont miss anything for school. Or anything else important.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re such a dork, you know that?” OKay, so maybe it was probably better that she stay in school. Simmons would be too, and if she stayed home, there probably won’t be anyone there, unless she convinced Tucker to bunk off. “Okay, fine..”

Grif smiled and gave his sister’s hand a squeeze, “Thanks for being willing to go through that for me Kai. Even if we’re not a match, it means a lot to me. I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah. You big dork. Ditto.” Kai gave a smile, and nudged her brother with her shoulder. “I mean you would do it for me.. Though mine are probably healthier…”

“Probably.” He agreed. “I dont want this to be you in the hospital bed for the same reason a few years down the road, ok? Dont do whatever it was that turns kidneys to shit.”

She frowned. “…What does turn kidney’s to shit? I have no fucking idea… But yeah. I’m not going to bust my body, so it’s all cool.”

“You know… I actually dont know what does that… They said it was genetic, but I dont know if that means that we both have shitting stuff, or what.”

“Nah.. I’ll be fine, Bro. Don’t worry about it, yeah?” Then she sighed. “Trust our mother to fuck us over one last time, I don’t care how cool the circus is, that’s fucking mean.”

Grif bit his lip, and shook his head, “… She had to go follow her dreams man. Where else is she going to be able to show off those wonderful talents of hers?”

“Yeah, I know.” She agreed reluctantly. “I mean who else can be fa,t and bearded, and a woman all at the same time? I don’t think I can..”

“I wouldnt want you to try, either.” Grif laughed. “It seems like it’d be fucking difficult, doesnt it?”

#v: seven periods of nap and lunch #bluegrif #archival footage #jesus i had no idea this thread was that long lakdjflks

0 notes

thatsmygvn · 8 years

Text

#death //#suicide //#depression //#anxiety //#tbd #self harm //

1 note · View note

goodgodno · 8 years

Text

1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it? - not telling, and no 2. are you artistic? -i guess 3. Have you had your first kiss? -Ofc not im aidan fucking casey (anyone hmu im lonely) 4. What is your life goal? -to influence people 5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person? -i once tweeted at casey neistat and he didnt respond 6. Do you play any sports? -not any more 7. What’s your worst fear? -failure 8. Who’s your biggest inspiration? -probably casey neistat 9. Do you have any cool talents? -i can freak people out by looking at them 10. are you a morning person? -yeah if im not woken up early 11. How do you feel about pet names? -the closest i get to that is calling someone B 12. Do you like to read? -yeah but i dont read as much as id like to 13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.- does casey neistats vlog count? (Ill shut up with the casey neistat) 14. Do you care about your follower count?- i do on my rinsta, but it bothers me that people feel validated based off of numbers like that (likes etc) 15. What’s the best dream you’ve had? -i dont remember my dreams- the weirdest dream i had was that everyone i knew was trans 16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender? -by accident once (does that count?) 17. Do you have any pets?- I have a kitten named Rocket and a full grown cat named Oreo (who is dying of multiple cases of cancer) 18. Are you religious? - Im pretty agnostic, and the catholic church disgusts me 19. Are you a people person?- definitely 20. Are you considered popular?- i try not to think in terms like that, but i guess i have a lot of friends? 21. What is one of your bad habits?- procrastination 22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?- depression 23. What would you name your children? - ill name one of em’ Casey to fuck with them 24. Who’s your celebrity crush? - Emma Watson? 25. What’s your best subject?- Best- French, Favorite- Art 26. Dogs or cats? Doggos 27. most used social media besides tumblr?- Snapchat/INstagram 28. best friends name? I dont categorize people as best friends, but matt and sara are my oldest friends 29. who does your main family consist of? mostly my grandmother and grandfather tbh 30. Chocolate or sugar? SUGAR 31. have you ever been on a date? no 32. Do you like roller coasters? n0 33. Can you swim? n.O 34. What would you do in the event of an apocalypse? hide in a school with a weapon 35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder? self-diagnosed depression? (dont worry i too am rolling my eyes) 36. Are your parents together? barely 37. What’s your favorite color? anything 38. What country are you from/do you live in? ‘MURCA (fuck yeah) 39. Favorite singer? whatever’s on 40. Do you see yourself being famous some day? i wish 41. Do you like dresses? no 42. Favorite song right now? All Night- Parov Stelar 43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? im fine with it ironically, or as a joke, but if people are talking about it literallt shit gets weird 44. How old were you when you first got your period? did you just assume my gender? 45. Have you ever shot a gun? yep 46. Have you ever done yoga? nope 47. Are you a horror girl? did you just assume my gender? 48. Are you good at giving advice? i like to think that I am, but like i dont take my own advice 49. Tell us a story about your childhood. no fuck off 50. How are you doing today? meh 51. Were you a cute kid? i was thicc af 52. Can you dance? when nobody is looking im good 53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing? twirling pens 54. Have you ever dyed your hair? yea and im still recoiling from all of the people that called me a fag 55. What color are your eyes? BLUE 56. What’s your favorite animal? squirrels? 57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself? hell yeah man i do it like 3x a day 58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? not really 59. Do you have good friends? most of them are 8/8 m8 60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group? sure 61. What’s your favorite class? Studio Art? I put the most effort into it, and its where i get my lowest grades 62. List all the tv shows you are watching. not watching any atm 63. Are you organized? I try to be but i evenually get lazy and shit collapses 64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion? Inside Out- I’m still super sh00k 65. Which tv character do you relate to most?- bob ross i guess i dont watch that much tv 68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?- reality 69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?- I’d like to think I’d do something super cool and revolutionary but to be real id probably buy a lot of expensive shit and never do anything 70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die? I’d be a little less afraid of failure, because I’d have more chances 71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you? I’d dye my hair and shit 72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?- a lot of shit that I wont write here 73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?- depends on the law/ who 74. When was the last time you traveled somewhere new?- I went to The Grand Canyon last summer 75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?- I think of my grandmother’s house 76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?- I’m stuck in thsi existential gridlock where i know what i want to be but i dont know what to do next 77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?- happy 78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?- most of the safety and stability of everything around me 79.When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?- no idea; i push that shit out of my head 80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.- highschool, then college. 81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?- I wouldnt sleep, and that would be pretty shit 82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?- trying to kill myself (I dont want to live forever) 83. How would you spend a billion dollars? on myself 84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future? past, but id want to go back 85. What motivates you to succeed?- nothing, and thats my problem 86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most? idk yet 87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why? City- i need to be around lots of people 88. Do you believe in life after death? No 89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they? So far, i guess Andrea Lee 90. What’s your fondest childhood memory? Gramma R’s house 91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why? My grampa dave, he seemed like a cool guy 92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy? Idk 93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life? Idk 94. What do you think happens after we die? We get buried/cremated 95. What would you do if you would be invisible? Walk around naked 96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try? Avoid awkwardness 97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring? Yeah i guess 98. How did your first crush develop? We were friends for a while and i guess it just evolved from there 99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it? Idk man 100. Do you live or do you just exist? You live

1 note · View note

qtipnvmedcvrter · 8 years

Text

January 12th, 2017 vol scariest event in my life.

Portland has been hammered with snow and ice for the previous week. It was just a normal Thursday I thought. Driving conditions looked decent in the afternoon so I braved the weather to head in to work all the way out in Beaverton. I only found out it was optional for us to come in until I got to work. My supervisor and lead didnt even come in and it seemed like any other day at work. I didnt know the weather was gonna turn for the worst overnight with temperatures in the teens and twenties. Finished my day like any other. Got onto Highway 26 and there was traffic like no other. It was about 18 degrees outside and didnt feel like I was in any danger driving. I passed downtown and headed onto I-84. I started to feel a bit too safe I guess. I was close to getting off the exit at Gateway and as I passed the underpass on 82nd, I was going about 40 mph and drove over about 2 big lumps of ice. After the first lump, it hit me instantly that I needed to slow down, before I could even ease off the pedal I hit the 2nd lump and lost full control of my dads Tundra. It was the scariest 10-15 seconds of my life. I slid from the left lane all the way to the right lane. I forgot whether to hit the brakes or not and I figured to not and that was the safest decision. Before I could even think again to over correct my truck sliding, I collided head on to the railing on the right side of the freeway and spun me around looking onto oncoming traffic. My air bags deployed as hit the railing and I sat there in the middle of the freeway with 20-30 cars just looking at me. I was in a state of shock and disbelief that this was happening to me. Only ONE person checked up on me seeing if I was fine. He asked if I was okay, said yes, and he told me put it in reverse and take off if I could. At this moment my trucks horn was going off. I parked to the side trying to figure out how to find the wiring but I got a call from my uncle Yao who works with me. He passed me and asked if that was me since we headed out the same time. I told him to meet up with me at the McDonalds at Gateway. I got there and he unhooked the wiring to my horn and we just kind of analyzed the situation. I wasnt hurt, the truck wasnt totaled or anything because we have a grill bar in the front of the truck that took basically 80% of the impact. I ended up calling my mom and breaking the bad news to her. She was beyond pissed off. She even told me not to go in to work, my sister and my dad didnt even go to work either. I dapped up Yao and Yoon who was riding with him and thanked them for looking out for me. I was able to drive the truck home, but the airbags were definitely in the way of driving. I drove from Gateway all the way back to Troutdale, and it was one of the most eerie drives of my life. I was just contemplating on everything, and replaying the entire crash over and over and over and over in my head. I saw a couple cars speed ahead of me not knowing what happened to me and hoping they wouldnt make the mistake of taking the ice lightly like I did. Pulled up to my driveway and my mom was HOT. She just yelled at me, got inside and said all sorts of absurd ishh. I mean I deserved most of her anger, but I came out of the accident injury free. The truck wasnt completely damaged, and still worked and I didnt hit any other cars in the process. I stayed cool, killed like 2 or 3 blue moons hoping it would put me to sleep but I couldnt sleep till almost about noon. Insomnia, regret and just being worried kept me up. I eventually fell asleep and currently still in the process of getting the truck fixed. I hope the snow clears out pretty soon. I learned a lesson the hard way as usual, and hopefully come out of this a better and more matured person. One Love and hoping everyone stays warm and safe in this storm.

2 notes · View notes

thefemaleexperience · 4 years

Text

answering one of those lists of questions we use to do back in 2010

if you could pierce somewhere other than your ears, where would it be? - I would like to have my nose pierced again

what are your feelings on bangs? - i love bangs and thye really suit me, though they do make me look about 8 years younger and i hate growing them out

what is your favorite blanket material? - cashmere

if you had to be sent up into space or into the depths of the ocean, where would you choose? - hm deep ocean because it really terrifies me are you afraid of death? why or why not? - no. I’m afraid of pain and terrible accidents, but the idea of actually being dead doesnt bother me what astrological sign do you think you should be? - taurus or gemini who is the worst person you have ever dated? - every one is a complex set of flaws and traits and their personality is built upon their experiences and everything that has ever happened to them, and remembering that reminds you that the way people act isnt about you personally and no-one is “bad” if you could remake one movie the way you think it should’ve been made, which movie would you choose? - The Hobbit what is a custom/activity/experience/etc from another culture that you wish would be in your culture? - last year I attended the final 2 weeks of a Yolngu (Aboriginal group from far north Australia) funeral, and the openness of grieving was really full on. it has really changed my relationship with grieving if you could choose where you were born, where would you want it to be? hm it wouldnt matter to me *where* i was born, but i wish i’d grown up somewhere where being bi.multi-lingual is the norm if someone told you they could tell you the truth about god/religion/higher powers/the universe/the meaning of life/what happens after death, would you want to know? I dont think there is a meaning to life, i dont think anything happens after death, I dont know if these are questions I have? but i guess yeah im too nosy to ever turn down the hot goss what is your favorite part of your nighttime routine? sleep doesn’t count. I use to drink this lovely lavender herbal tea every night and im just starting to drink it again what is your favorite form of exercise? I use to love running. i would run 10+ Kms on the treadmill every evening, but both my knees are fucked and i can barely jog anymore. so i guess just hiking / walking in nature

what is one current trend that you hate? cancel culture? idk. so many things annoy me...so i just dont surround myself with them. if theyre bringing other people joy who cares. what is a trend that died that you would bring back? perms what era of fashion do you wish to bring back? 90s “tomboy” style for young girls! i love flares and 70s flowy fashion too im big on period-drama costumes what is one movie or tv show that everyone loves that you hate? i dont like “gross” animation did you have a teacher growing up that helped you through a difficult time? who were they? A handful. My literature teacher Mrs. Campbell stand out think of a paper you have written sometime in your education. what was the topic? It’s all i do haha mostly about rethinking Aboriginal Studies and approaches to Indigenous education do you believe in universal healthcare? discuss. is that liek australia’s health care? like yes? when americans talk about how much a trip to the drs or a medical procedure cost that you would just die without????? what is one song that makes you feel like love is real? landslide - fleetwood mac what is one song that makes you feel like you’re dancing in a meadow with the sun shining on your skin? california - joni mitchell what is one song that makes you believe that things will get better? california - joni mitchell haha have you met any celebrities? if so, who? lots but whatever you’re being forced to move out of your country. you must choose another one to move to, and you may never leave it, even for vacation. what country do you choose? bonus points if you answer the city. most of my overseas trips have been fairly short holidays so i have no idea about the practicalities of lving in them / cost of living / laws etc. so this is hard but probably America, in either oregon or montana do you believe in the death penalty? discuss. no. what do you think happens after you die? your body returns to the worms. name someone you love. Geordie. name someone you like, but don’t necessarily love. Oliver. how many soulmates do you think a person has? more than 1 is love always worth it? discuss. love is good but we dont need romantic relationships to be fullfilled. love is everywhere pick up your phone. look at the text you sent closest to an hour ago. what was it? ”seems like a scam” do you believe in magical beings? discuss. no what time of the day do you feel most at peace with yourself? outdoors at 2pm what is an impulsive decision you have made that you don’t regret? to drive to Alice Springs when i was inbetween houses in 2018 if you were given the opportunity to completely start your life over from the beginning with everything prior and up until your birth remaining the same, would you? yeah. not because i regret things, it would jsut be fascinating to see the tiny miniscule things that would change things. i think about the tiny spur of the moment thigns i did when i was 12 that impacted friendships i would make and schools i would go to and how my life is still interconnected with people i met one time 15 years ago how do you feel about greek life in colleges? seems weird, culty and toxic. people say there are positives, but they dont seem to outweigh the bad in my eyes. but i dont think we really have that her in australia what is an aspect or event in history that you were obsessed with as a child? ancient egypt lol describe your ideal town to live in. I would love to move to Alice Springs. A commune is the dream what age are you scared to be? alternatively, what age were you most scared to be in the past? im truely so psyched to turn 30. do you have a secret you want to share? be as vague or specific as you want. get it out. if you want. I only have one big secret that no-body knows. do billionaires work harder than other people? discuss. fetch the guillitine what is your favorite hairstyle for yourself? i think my mid length hairstyle of 2017 was v nice. thats when my hair naturally curls the most what is your favorite memory from being 13 years old? dear god what is a movie that shaped who you were as a person at a young age? Into the wild lol which us state would you erase if you could? not from the US so this doesnt mean anthing to me lol what is a skill you theoretically want to learn but probably never will? to be a mechanic what is an obscure language you want to speak? it’s not “obscure” but i guess only a relative small number of people speak Yolngu Matha and i would like to be fluent what is a place you choose not to go to anymore? why? lmao i avoid the northland coles (supermarket) because a dude i dated shops there and i ran into him once after id decided i didnt want to see him anymore and it was cooked do you think you’re living a fake life/putting on a facade/lying to people about who you really are? why or why not? i perpetually feel like im waiting to live the lfie i want to what is the color that defines your life? burnt orange you have the opportunity to go to an exclusive celebrity event. which one is it? (award shows, premieres, parties, etc) i cant think of one? you can bring back one person from the dead, but you must choose someone to die in their place. who are the two people you are choosing? I would bring back Andrea Dworkin i dont know who i would kill off instead. what is your favorite fun fact that people don’t really know? idk if people dont know this but i guess it might be australia specifc But dingoes have special jointed wrists that are way different to dogs, and they can hold things, climb and open doors. pick up the nearest reading material to you (book/magazine/paper/etc). what is the first line of that reading material? lmao HOMER / The Odyssey is on my bedside table but im nto moving if you had to choose a sport to play professionally, which one would you choose? soccer? what do you do to unwind/cool down when you’re upset? a hot hot hot bath by candle light listening to neil young what is the color scheme of your favorite sunrise or sunset? pink purple what is a beauty product you swear by? i dont wear make up but i guess eyebrow gel is cool how do you feel about plastic surgery? discuss. i hate our culture of uncritical support for it. i think the prominence of it is relly cooked. i hate that people treat it like minor / low risk when its very serious. if you could get plastic surgery, would you? what would you change? a breast reduction cotton balls or cotton rounds? ??? what is your favorite animal product? i dont know what this means lol if you had to attend school in another country, which country would you choose? France? what will be/was the color scheme of your wedding? marriage is bad but i guess native australian flora is there something you have a really strong opinion about for basically no reason? what is it? i have basically no opinion on everything who is a person you would fight to the death for under any circumstances? no-one what would you do if you were in the hunger games? be honest. terrible? what time do you think everyone should wake up? getting into your circadian rhythm is so goooooood what is your favorite type of nut? if you’re allergic to nuts, sorry. hmm im obsessed with peanut butter but i dont really care for peanuts. i love brazel nuts what is your favorite part of your hometown? . . . uh the meth or the class gap or the conservative rural values / politics or ??? you must get rid of one of your electronic items. you have no choice. which one do you sacrifice? phone what is the first memory you have of oppression/discrimination? it doesn’t have to be about yourself. being like pre-school aged and being aware of my black cousins being spereated from their parents name 3 books you were forced to read in school. DH Lawrence novellas, which i loved No Sugar, everyone should read this The crucible, urhg so good how do you keep track of events/deadlines? calendar? agenda? your brain? having like 20 planners what is the first book that made you cry that comes to mind? i dont remember crying in a book if you had to give a seminar about something, what would it be about? abortion laws and access in rural australia how do you feel about your mother? she is good and complicated and intelligent and funny is makeup an art form? discuss. no what kind of videos do you primarily watch on youtube? ill just list my most viewed channels Daisy Lola Sarah Therese Unnatural Vegan what is the scent of your deodorant? i dont wear deoderant at what age do you hope you die? whenever

0 notes

strawberryspeachy · 4 years

Text

3 years ago my cat had kittens... i could still talk to my mom kind of.... and... things were ok aside from me being upset over some dumb boy

And i was thinking how i wanna go back. I miss my mom so much i want to go back. And was like. Well that wasnt a good time, a year before was better right?

Leading me to the reason why I was so miserable as a kid.

Look. Im a miserable person - i dont want to blame it all on one person but fuck man...

Everytime i think about times where i was happy, i realize SHE was the reason I WASNT.

Middle school - i had friends. I was smart. I liked school. I had hobbies and dreams. But i never wanted to leave school because i didnt want to come home. I didnt want to come home becauae of HER

I keep saying her like im talkig about my mom. Im not. Im talking about my great grandmother

I just sat here for 10 minites telling myself im stupid and making things up and making things out to be worse than they are.... i bet that thinking comes from her in all honesty

Thinking, “did she love me?” Now. I dont care. I dont miss her. Everytime i think about her its upsetting that i had her in my life... the only good thing i can ever say about her is “i know what its like to have a strict parent” THATS NOT GOOD. like fucking thanks for screaming at me every holiday to eat correctly. Now i know table manners. Thats all you did for me - while making me dread every fucking family dinner which aside from you was wonderful because my family used to be cool.

She ruined every holiday. She didnt want decorations. Were were gonna burn down the house. We were making a mess. We were being loud. She doesnt want this or that in HER HOUSE. She constantly chased everyone out the door because she NEVER had anything nice to say. The second she entered the room everyone made excuses to leave. When shed open her fucking creaking door the laughter would stop, smiles turn to cringes and wed all look at each other with the “welp the funs over” face

She was just so mean. You cant be happy because you’re not doing something she wanted you to do. Or you fucked something up. Theres some reason that youre supposed to be upset or concerned. BUT YOU CANT WIN THAT WAY EITHER - if youre upset - how dare you. You have so many good things you entitled undeserving brat. Fucking appriciate everything. The best way was some mixture where you smile but are ready to be pissed the fuck off in a moments notice. Cause if you wete more pissed off than she was the yelling was cut in half and mostly just her telling you not to give her that attitude - instead of a whole lecture on why you’re a fucking failure.

Everytime i think of a better time in my life. Its not even that much better because of that demon in my life. Constantly teling me shes gonna kick me out of the house. Constantly telling me im a burden to my mom. Constantly telling me im the reason for all her problems and saying that my animals were going to banrupt her.

The only thing i did well in her eyes was that i got good grades in school. She beleived my report card. Thats all. Pretty amazing that she could beleive that but thought i was too damn stupid to graduate college because there was a physical paper in front of her that she recognized

If i cooked or cleaned i did it wrong - if i didnt i should have

Why am i always at my best friends house?! “Her family doesnt want you there!!”

Why dont you play with your animals?!? Stop making noise playing with your animals!!

There was no escaping her. I broke my nose in a car accident and my friends mom took me for surgery. She came running out of the house to complain to my friends mom about how she could have taken me but i didnt ask her and im so awful - right after my surgery. Cause like why dont you want someone whose constantly bitching at you and telling you how shit you are to take you to a stressful surgery?

Conditional love... i already knew that... but its like the first time ive used it myself and havent just attributed the description.

She was my step - great grandmother. Shes all i ever knew but we werent blood related.

She loved my grandfather and my aunt and even my aunts two kids - the way family loves. She was still a bitch but she didnt disown them when they bugged her

The rest of us. Including my mom. Conditional love. Its not like she never did nice things. But she did expecting something in return.

Maybe shes why i dont like dealing with people im not allowed to say no to. Like i have such a deep seeded hatred for that relationship that the second i sense it i just refuse to deal with it again. You couldnt say no to her. You couldnt. If you said no to her about ANYTHING pack your fucking bags and get the hell out of HER HOUSE. that was her favorite two words. She needed my moms and grandfathers help and asked them to move in. But. We were guests in HER HOUSE.

I had some trauma as a kid that I probably would have gotten over if the happy family i knew before we moved to my great grandmothers stayed that way. But my aunt was always miserable. My uncle ran away as fast as possible. And my mom. A people pleaser. You know those old traditions where a man marrys and then he fucks off and does whatever he wants leaving his wife to serve his parents hand and foot. That was my moms life. He cheated on her and the demon made fun of her for everything, apparently constantly telling “dumb poloc” jokes. My mom cleaned everyday and cooked and took care of everyone and took care of our farm basically alone. I tried to help... i was a kid... and she was depressed. You wouldn’t know if you didnt really listen - which no one else in my family did.

And i looked at my mom everyday. I didnt really get it. All i knew was she was a wonderful kind generous happy - all around best human. And yet. Her life sucked. And she was sad. And i wonder if my mom would have been so sad if not for the demon...

My grandfather loved his mom.... but he used to never come in the house. My whole life. He was always out. The moment she died, he was always in the house. Maybe because he missed her and was sad.... but... i dont think so.... he stopped drinking a case of beer every night too

This whole post just to say... im mad that if goven the chance... im not sure if id go back to any of those times where i had to live with the demon... even though everything else at those times were good... the amount of stress and misery she gave me... almost outweigh the good... and. There was alot of good. I miss so many things.

I wanna be with my mom again. Without the dementia. I wanna be with my animals. I wanna be with my friends. I want second chances. I wanna make changes.

I loved her dude...i used to wish good things on her... i beleived she truely cared about me...

When she was dying. She couldn’t talk. Her friend called. I offered to put the phone to her ear. The friend was dismayed when i aswered. The tone of her voice changed. And she went “oh. The granddaughter.” She asked to talk to the demon as though i was holding the phone away from her and like i just wanted to hear whatever secrets she may have and wouldnt actually put it to her ear. She hung up angerly... as though... i wasnt an upset family member... i got preoccupied by the pleading look in my greatgrandmothers eyes. She wanted me to put the phone to her ear... but the woman had already hung up. I told her she had to go but said shes thinking of her. She looked so disappointed that she couldn’t hear it herself. And i felt... still feel bad... for the dying woman in her last days...

But maybe if she hadnt constantly talked about me as though i was the worst person because i dared to live my life the same as my aunt with animals and friends. But then go off to college but take a server job when o couldnt find a better one. Talked about me like i tried to kill her myself and that i was so lazy and rude and terrible. Maybe. Her bitchy friend. Wouldnt have hung up upon even having to interact with me

And then. Even in death. She made sure that i knew my place. she wrote her obituary herself. She put my aunts kids who are 13+ years younger than me, ahead of me, when listing her great grandchildren.

0 notes

harmonyresonant · 6 years

Text

Limitations of wisdom and its affect on motivation.

The last time I fell in love I knew it was destined to fail, perhaps in one of the worst ways it could. I said to her it felt like two galaxies colliding, but galaxies can either group together or tear themselves apart and fly away.

Those moments come to me more than most I think, at least consciously, the thoughts that are so easy to let escape as trivialities, impulses to be excised with just as much fervour as their entrance, but yet if only accepted, could stop a mistake, or change your life.

What's the criteria for distinguishing these kinds of thoughts? Risk? Cost? Benefit? Joy? Importance? Substance? Love? I've spent years trying to find the real source of motivation, of my motivation, because at the end of fear is truth, and fear will only propel so far as your body and mind allow it.

Justifying motivation is not esoteric for the starved of food or hungry for love. Motivation and its reasons are intertwined with purpose, and with it - our sense of direction, and with that, our sense of growth or death.

Polony and tomato sauce with white bread, Bread on its own, Chips from the fish n chip shop, Nutri grain with no milk for dinner, no food brought to school, a home of bullying, dream killing, suppression. I'm just the tip of the iceberg. I empathise with the meth addict on the street, the Mum that boils her baby daughter, the husband that murders his family, each a victim of environment and circumstance left to play out its default option.

I know all about default. I know nearly everything that needs to be known about how it plays out. When I rejected it, I was commanded by every single person and circumstance around me to let go of the fight. I watched as my friends became the victims of it, drop outs, pregnant, jailed, drugged, abused, stiffled, angry, lost. Stop it. That's wrong. Are you sure? I can't believe you would do that. Take this, you owe me. Be more considerate. Let's have a talk. You just need to be a 16 year old. Your results are in. That's just how it is. It's time to move on. You seem chaotic. You just seem upset is all. I'm just trying to help. I think you need to see a psychologist. I think we should just be friends. If there were words to describe the amount of fury and anger I hold towards individuals of my past I would save you from them because I have shown each of these comments their due diligence and marvelled at my own self control. To entertain those people in my mind gives them an authority I refuse to allow, so I move on.

When global weather patterns are shifting and solutions are being found by quantum computer augmented AI systems as pornography fills every void that opens - spite, seemed like the most reasonable response to such as unreasonable world. At 11 through to 22 It worked to dissociate my want of meaning in my circumstances, a want of meaning in where I felt I should belong and where I am, people often pointing out I should be a drug addict and dead or in jail, adjunct simultaneously to those same individuals pressuring success with their own benchmarks. All three things only not the case because of a mixture of calculated precision and blind luck. They wouldn't know, because they are unable to know, they refuse to know, outright, in front of you, so I would achieve because fuck you. Anger and rage is bottomless, perfect for a mixed up misunderstood adolescent male. The nerve of family to attempt comparisons of their standards with my own makes me laugh with a deep seated sickness. They arent any better off knowing differently. I couldn't control myself if I indulged myself in their correction. I've done it to some, corrected them, but my capacity for flooding someone with sadness and tearing their soul from them isn't so much fun as violently calculated. It's what comes after, my mothers death a calculated suicide of neglect, the insidious idea to die and make everyone your victim to alleviate guilt for failing to be held punished for your sins ready like a conspiring death eater to leach its next victim through me. How she coughed up black tar of putrid rotted lung flesh and congealed blood as CPR accidentally flooded her airways, typical of wanton excess of disgust. These details are best left undisclosed until times like this. How they saw me as a victim when i spared them. Of course though, they were too cowardly to ask. Hugs as it were. For their embrace, but they soon realised I wasn't available for receiving empathy because when I look at people I see directly into their soul, and when they are ready, they tell me what they are afraid of, in their own way, and it was too much for my family to cope with, because they're afraid they were responsible for killing her and conspiring to create the circumstances albeit naively in arrogance which eroded my Mums mental health and therefore my sister and I's life. I looked directly at my Uncle Warren in the emergency department without a tear in my eye watching the circus unfolding in front of me and I saw it written over his face, laughing at her losing her job, her sadness, her divorce with the members of the Smith side, now she lay dead, then he looked away. The too hard basket became my home because that's what these people do to hard things, they are the lowest kinds of human, the ones that lie to themselves about their affect on children, and can't help but make it worse by leaving them there alone scared with no excuse other than fear. Besides, school was starting up in 4 weeks, there was ironing to do. Clothes to fold. Forms to sign. He'll be fine. He'll get over it. The young soldier boy. How if they demonstrated any strength to cry in front of me in regret i would explode, they don't deserve to cry. I hold onto this until they either die or reconcile it. I'm good at waiting.

So for a while I forgot what love even was. Then she stepped in. Blind luck reared its head, and she showed me a warmth, depth and love so beautiful, graceful and innocent I felt like if I touched her my fear and hatred would spread like a disease. There are certain decisions we make in life as people that we don't understand, and we wear the consequences. I am not blessed with that capacity, I was not afforded the resources needed to make the conscious skills we develop young, into the subconscious - everything became consciously calculated, what I wear, what order the day is in, what words I use, my tone, my posture, my timing, what people i need to manipulate, what are their current moods, their buttons, when the rain falls or the concrete cracks it has always been my fault or my responsibility - better me than my insane family. Of course you don't win by playing nicely. You don't learn by being comfortable. And of course, through the gauntlet, you don't feel good about it. Good or great, make your decision, and in poverty when you're broken, you are forced to choose great, usually for as long as it takes until your circumstances begin to sustain themselves, and there is only space for a few so you have to do what's necessary for as long as necessary. There were plenty of times I would punch my windows, the walls work cartons and scream, how pathetic, I got a hold of myself quickly. Got psychological problems? Bury them. Getting worse? Bury them. Life is not a documentary or a game, fail to achieve certain things in certain timelines while the cards are stacked against you and the consequences are extreme. Even more so without financial or social securities/networks. So after years of neglect she began to make me feel like I could rest. Like I deserved it. She helped me forgive myself for the stress I had caused myself and other people. She forgave me for being sorry that I couldn't be the guy she needed me to be, that I couldn't be Nathan because I was unsure who or what that even was.

Spite evaporated and then I was purposeless, my motivation gone, it disrupted my focus, my academic results, the routine of my fractured world. And she became my angel, she became the person that would forgive me for failing and tell me it would be alright and I would believe her because she understood me, I live in those moments just by remembering her, but as soon as she opened her arms she was gone. She was doing things my mother didn't and she coped a lot of difficulty from me for doing it and the legacy of failure in parenting, guardianship and neglect continued to haunt me, as it started to haunt then eventually remove those I loved. It wasn't the first time either, a pattern like many other. It was at that point that I made the decision to never allow it happen again. I would finish what she helped start, and with any luck, find a positive reason to endure the absolute crushing isolation of being the source of problems for those you deeply care about or die finding out, unable to be reached, usually impossible to help but this time different, now without the offensive weapons which I used to shield myself. I'm sure it would've been easier to approach me if I was outright hostile but people were watching, vultures waiting with their 'here to help check list' with step 1 as, 'Take a break'. Idiots.

The process is finished.

Now I am appreciating and beginning to give back in small ways to life.

I don't really remember what it feels like to love someone voluntarily. I guess that's how it's supposed to work, by accident, time, something like that, but I'm approaching a stage in my life where I'm too exhausted to care, maybe my Mum took it with her to her grave. Maybe I have had too many people come and go for good reasons to believe in holding onto someone. I finished the race first and early or last and everything's been packed up but for me it was always about finding a home in my heart, so I wouldnt look for it in someone else's, something that's as much given to you as much as fostered by yourself. It always felt like though I had reached the mountain peak, as soon as I got there I realised there's no way to go further up, so its time to look across and down at everything that's been done, take a break and look across to the next peak. I have no option but to hold onto the good things that've happened to me in my time, even if they're in totality a bit messy, as for the girl that saved me from myself, I'm no longer scared or fearful when I think of her now, like I might be dishonoring her, in a lot of ways she's still my angel. I hope we get to be friends one day once we've settled down so we can compare notes, we moved too fast to keep our both our feet on the ground long enough to be together but until then wherever she is I hope she is smiling and being taken care of because she is of such a rarity of courage and authenticity that it seems only she can reach people like me and that deserves happiness and real love.

Spread your wings.

0 notes