#okay fine i'm including
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Me, as I try to work out how to deal with my unfortunate magnet for tragic couples:
#i am suffering#so shall you all#louisa x spiros#doctor x river#julia x david#sarah x emily#okay fine i'm including#douglas x sheila#from#douglas is cancelled#if you haven't seen that mini series you should#it has alex kingston and karen gillan and hugh bonneville
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Just saw an absolutely amazing post that convinced me that Ceroba would be the one who confesses first.
(op turned turned off reblogs unfortunately so I'm making this post (┬┬﹏┬┬)) ("Just put the link to the post here-" No, you absolute buffoon, they turned it off for a reason and I'm going to respect that) (also potential rambling?? again??) (future LM here, yep there is alot of rambling. this was supposed to be a character analysis but I accidentally made a fic halfway LMAOAOAOAOAOA )
god I'm a sucker for slow burn and angst (duh, you all know that) I used to think that Starlo wouldn't be able to take it anymore and finally get the balls to confess to her, he goes up to her and it'll be the usual cheesy but wholesome moment with him nervously laughing, Ceroba getting surprised so she turns away while brushing off some hair that got on her face, Starlo sheepishly rubbing the back of his head and stuttering to get the words out. It'll all be planned of course he's a gentleman, he's just so stupidly nice and understanding that if Ceroba just flat out tells him "I don't wanna be in a romantic relationship with you" I just know he's going to smile and tell her it's okay and he'd still be there for her and it won't affect their friendship at all and he's going to stay by her side de jashdkahsd sorry the brainworms are doing the thing again.
Of course the idea of Ceroba confessing first also came into my mind, her realizing she's in love with Starlo but now has to fight the guilt thinking that she's "betraying/cheating on Chujin" made the little angsty gremlin in me giggle but I just preferred it would be Starlo who breaks the ice just for shittles and giggles (I like seeing him get all blushy and shy HIHIHIHIH). Also adding the fact that Ceroba DID consider getting together with him but she brushes it off cuz she thinks he's still too immature. (Yes I am aware Ceroba acknowledges Starlo growing up in True Pacifist but I didn't give it that much thought I was in delulu land)
But then I saw the post and ho h my god oh my goddddddd.....
I was a fool
Starlo is aware of what Ceroba has gone through and as her childhood best friend he would respect her and not risk overwhelming her with a confession cuz OF COURSE HE WOULDNT, and if he DID consider confessing it would be YEARS after the whole "Clover-sacrificing-themselves-for-the-futue-of-monsterkind" ordeal but he would have probably fallen out of love at this point and it would go
⭐: "OH YEAH btw I had a crush on you when we were kids" 🦊: "HUH"
(not dismissing the chance he could still be in love with her despite that I mean he's dedicated and loyal and so damn devoted to her it makes sense, it was just had a funny thought giggles)
But then after reading the post, it reopened the idea of Ceroba confessing first and... oh my god it was glorious. It would start small, thinking he looked nice one day, subconsciously gazing at him and adoring him at the distance as he talks his usual nonsense at the saloon with the feisty 5, wanting to hang out with him a little more than usual, until it slowly builds up over time. She starts noticing the little things about him, his wide smile, the sound of his voice and the laughter he makes when he does his usual shenanigans with her in post-pacifist where things are starting to get brighter as they heal together, she would call him an idiot but god he would just smile at her again and the little dimples on the sides of his face would make her melt without knowing and she swears she felt her face get warm but brushes it off, thinking it's nothing. But that's where the snowball keeps getting bigger, she would see him talking to the folk again at the saloon and wish it was her he was laughing with, she'll quickly snap out of it, shake her head a little and think about how weird it was for her to have thought about that. She'd find herself beaming when he calls her name and feel so stupid for doing so, "Why am I so happy all of a sudden? He says my name all the time..."
And the snowball finally crashes when they have one of those talks, y'know the ones where you usually have at 3 am with your friends? Just talking about life in general, talking about the future, what are each of them scared of, what they feel and what they think about things, just being so vulnerable and open with each other. They've had their fair share of these talks but today was different. He looked absolutely stunning, despite being mentally exhausted he still looked divine, the way his eyes droop when his expression softens, the slow rise and fall of his chest when he sighs, his wide glistening smile turning into a small and soft curl on his lips. She can't help herself but make subtle touches and discreetly brush her shoulder against his as they lean towards the railings of the balcony, fighting the urge to just reach out and figure out small ways to make contact with him. She gazes at him the entire time, analyzing him, noticing all the little changes he makes, why can't she look away? She can't, she tried, so many times but it still ends up with her looking at him again trying to burn the image of him in her mind, wanting to leave it there forever. When the talk comes to a close, he turns to her and offers a hug, she accepts it and the moment he melts into her arms, she feels a sudden warmth on her chest and it instantly scatters around her entire body, enveloping her. They share each other's warmth, she slowly buries her face onto his shoulder, cherishing this small moment with him as they hold each other tight in each other's embrace. She's closing her eyes, inhaling his scent, it feels like she's in a dream, she doesn't want this moment to end, she doesn't wanna wake up just yet but.... They break a part, he gives her his goodbyes. As she goes home she lays in bed, face up, staring at the ceiling as she recalls everything that happened to her, putting pieces of the puzzle together as she finally comes to terms with herself and gets hit with the realization. It all comes crashing down to her, her eyes widen and she lets out an audible groan. She lays in silence for a moment, feeling absolute agony for being so stupid, she peaks through her fingers and looks back up the ceiling again, "Fuck..."
I haven't even dabbled with what goes on in her head after she accepts this fact, the sudden guilt consuming her, feeling like she betrayed Chujin, the person she loved with her entire soul only to fall for another. She hates it. And if she confesses she's going to be a wreck and Starlo just instantly goes to comfort her, telling her it's okay, she doesn't have to force herself to confess to h- No. She wants this, she's absolutely in love, he may have fallen first but she fell even harder, but with so much conflict in her mind, wanting to hold his hand without the weight on her shoulders pulling her back. The entire time they're together, Starlo finds the time to console her, comfort her, feeling horrible for making him stay up late just for her but he says he doesn't mind and he himself wants this, feeling absolutely honored to have her in her arms and that she trusts him so much that she's just so open and vulnerable and he's being so kind and patient to her I hate them I HATE THEM I FFUCKING HATE THUEJN R F FUCK FUCKF FFIFUUCJCC N I HATE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
thE SLOW BURN IS SO SLOW BUT KEEP UP AND SET THE KITCHEN IN FLAMES PLEASE RAUGHHH
SAVE ME STAROBA W AS SAV VE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
TL;DR: uhhhh read a post and it convinced me that Ceroba slowly falls in love with Starlo over time without realizing it and when she finally does she feels really guilty cuz it feels like she's betraying Chujin, the slow burning is burning and the angst is scrumptious. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. /j
#LONG POST#sorry in advance if there were spelling errors I only proof read this a few times but im so tired we die like Chujin#Fun fact! I was sick again while I was typing this! But overtime I slowly felt better and I??????? WHHAHAAHSDHASD????????????#Staroba makes me so sick it cures me???? thats crazy (update: im sick again HAHAHAHAHAH)#There's so... SO MUCH more I want to say.#That includes Starlo slowly teaching her how to love again and Ceroba slowly opening up and letting herself accept his affection#What if Ceroba one day breaks and she just lets it all out and just cries in his arms kissing him cuz she cant take it anymore—#—shes apologizing profusely and overwhelming him with pent up frustration and bottled up love she doesn't allow herself to express—#—🦊“I-I'm sorry I'm so sorry.. I'm so selfish and greedy for this but I love you so much it hurts"—#—But he just smiles and lets her smother him... like shes kissing him while apologizing at the same time and he just keeps comforting her—#—saying things like ⭐:“it's okay” ⭐:“don't apologize” ⭐:“I'm fine”—#—bUT HE KEEPS GETTING CUT OFF WITH KISSES KAJSHDAHSDHDAJSHDASJDHASHDASHD IM BEING SO NORMAL ABOUT IT#OMG CHAT. HEAR ME OUT. CEROBA GETS BABY FEVER RAUGHGHGHHGHGHGHG IM SO OMG IM SO#*gets shot out of nowhere and falls down on the ground peter griffin style*#LM whispers#undertale yellow#undertale yellow spoilers#uty starlo#uty ceroba#staroba#character analysis
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Do you ever read 570,000+ word, 130+ chapter fanfics that were started nearly 8 years ago and have current year updates, and as you get to the end of certain chapters along the way, you keep going "wow, I would have hated to be here in 201x and have to wait for THAT cliffhanger, those poor readers, those sad, desperate historical souls" and you're just so glad for yourself because you know you don't have to stop until chapter 139, and you arrogantly assume that's probably just extended epilogues or something (because you were previously conditioned by another fic to believe that), so everything will be fine?
Only to get to chapter 139 and SCREAM OUT LOUD because you jinxed yourself right into THE NEWEST WAVE OF CLIMATIC PLOT CHAPTERS WHERE ALL THE SHIT IS GOING DOWN and now you, too, have become the reader you felt such pity for?
Wait, you don't?
THEN GO OVER THERE AND DO WHAT I DID SO I DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE IN MY HUBRIS. It comes with art. So. Much. Wonderful. Comic. Art.
I would like to stress (as I have done before) that I have never played this game. Not once. I had never even heard of it originally. Yet this is now the second absolutely massive Sans x reader/OC fic I have read in this fandom. Everything I know about Undertale, I learned because one day on a whim I decided to read a 480,000+ word, 170+ chapter fanfic because I liked the way @tricktster used words on some tumblr post (don't ask me which one, I've forgotten). I have re-read that fic at least once a year, if not more, for multiple years in a row because it's like a favorite book to me now.
If anyone needs me, I'll be comfort-reading it, again.
And then probably going back and re-reading JoAT, because oh my god that fic. I'm just so in love with it for a million reasons.
(Yes, it took me this long to see there was another glorious treasure in plain sight under @capnhanbers despite following @mod2amaryllis and it's just really embarrassing to be confronted by that kind of obliviousness, okay? Can I blame it on how, multiple times now over the years, I've gone months and months without looking at this app unless it notified me of something specific?)
I swear, I have never read fic in any other fandom where it was this easy to immerse myself in it with nothing more than some light googling along the way (the first time with CoBC), and the googling was just because I'm me and I like to know all the things. In both cases, you don't have to come to the table with anything other than an interest in supernatural-elements stories (monsters, magic, etc) and a love for snappy dialogue and funny (dad) jokes and HEART-WRENCHING FEELS and watching the author having a life journey in the notes.
(And yes, sure, an open mind about a skeleton monster and a human having magical sex, but if you know you're in a rated fic about monsters and humans, you must know that's going to be a thing.)
#undertale#fanwork#jack of all trades#joat#chill or be chilled#cobc#sans x reader#sans x oc#me: leaving reviews on ao3 gives me anxiety because i don't want to sound stupid#also me: just wrote this long ass post with actual people tagged in it#i'm aware it may seem odd to love things that include dicks made of magic#but i think at this point in my life i'm more than fine with that being my odd#BESIDES YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND#THESE FICS ARE SO FUCKING GOOD OKAY#I LAUGH I CRY I SCREAM I LIVE I DIE I COME BACK OVER AND OVER#i would legit pay actual money for these two fics as bound books#like actual sexy sexy hardbacks to put on display in my home#what? these? these are my magical monsterfucker books and i love them like classics please admire the holographic foil#blue holo foil for cobc#gold holo foil for joat#why am i rambling in the tags like this?
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Adjacent topic, but. One of my favorite things actually is when Alfonse pulls the player aside and is like "Let me think out loud real quick." and when the situation calls for it, "Also what do you think?" Like obviously this happens so much across any game ever, especially ones that have a designated partner character. But it feels so special to me...
Especially with Alfonse, especially when he calls the summoner by name. He didn't used to do that!! In the very beginning!!! And he slips up, as Lif. Trying So hard to take it back. It just feels so personal... 🥲🥺
#i have no greater point here i just like it a lot.#like to me i feel like he has that deep unique bond that the pmd2 partner has w the player#again could just be. two games w a designated partner character. but to me personally how i feel.#like i feel like it's comparable actually esp the way your partner pokemon will pull you aside too#making a point to include you. and also will just talk at you extensively LMFAOO but it's okay 😊💖#but also it just feels SO special and so personal and so rewarding from alfonse in particular.#like this guy did Not want that. he was so scared of that. he's also just one big loss away from feeling like he's lost it all.#one thing about me is that i don't agree. w how he feels about losing friends. i think it's okay. i think it's for the best.#i'm not lonely and sometimes it's a relief. knowing i'll never have to see that person again.#even when there's no hard feelings. even when i geniunely liked that person and they liked me well enough.#i just tell myself it's for the best. they'll move on without me. i'll cherish the memory. i hope they forget me.#but even as i say that it's like. i don't know how true it holds. but i do know it's fine to leave actually.#and i do know i'm not lonely. i've made peace w it a long time ago. i'm content by myself. i keep myself occupied.#meanwhile. i am always obsessing over what alfonse says and what he feels and i feel a DEEP. DEEP SEATED NEED.#to pelt him w rocks. FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤#this is why moe exists. the vessel. to pelt him w rocks.#fe alfonse
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tfw i have $948cad and rent is $980 AND MY PLACE IS A WRECK
#lay text#i'm okay i'm fine i'm chill i'm SO RELAXED#it's due on the 1st and i'm applying to freelancer & upwork jobs like a madwoman like i've been working on stuff all day everyday#and trying to sell so much stuff on facebook#including things i rly like but i just have to :']#c'est la vie!!!!!!!!!!!!! capitalism!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#disability aid DOES NOT GIVE ME NEARLY ENOUGH#crying wailing slamming my head on my pillow etc etc#i really really hope things work out#i really hope my stupid flaky client will ACTUALLY PAY ME FOR THE WORK I DID AGES AGO............#she was on holidays and i bet you a billion dollars she'll blame it on her dumb client again. i mean i still rly like this woman#and she pays pretty decently-ish#but holy shit#earlier i got super discouraged and felt so crushed#but at least i did a bunch of shit today and i have to let myself feel proud of that much at least. it's so much work. it never ends#all i want to do is focus on my writing/youtube/activism stuff#but i have to keep doing dumb shit i don't care about#and my apartment is a mess :((#i spent all day working on marketing my services on freelancing sites etc and i'm so drained but i have to vaccuum and do my dumb dishes#and i wanna game w my friends later but my brain is fried#january will most likely be rly rough hahaaaa i guess i'll dig myself deeper into credit card debt to pay rent and after that uh ???????#who knows#just keep working hard begging ppl to hire me#and um. pray to the goddess or smth. i did not expect so many extra costs in december and i kinda did this to myself#i need to not bully myself too much ugh#i want to work on the lay & the gyns projects too#but idk how much time i'll be able to dedicate#it's not like i'm not trying hard or working hard to benefit society or whatever!!!!! i spent all my time focusing on activism & writing et#but somehow it's just considered not enough#i'm rly hopeful i can get a grant for the lay & the gyns business since we'll do marketing for sapphic businesses/freelancers
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Day 31
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!
Anyways this is basically a free space that I can do whatever I want soooo happy anniversary to p5r
The royal trio back at again!
#goro akechi#persona joker#ren amamiya#ren amiyama#amiyama ren#amamiya ren#akira kurusu#kurusu akira#joker p5#joker persona 5#akechi#akechi goro#sumire yoshizawa#yoshizawa sumire#monstertober 2024#monstertober#basically haunted dolls follow akechi and joker because they reek death and somehow fruit#while sumire just ignores because it doesn't bother her she's seen worse#and also some of the Dolls may be haunted by monsters so yeah 👍 it counts#also akechi is dressed up as light yagami while joker is dressed up like a mummy#“and yoshizawa-san is dressed up as Alice from Alice in wonderland!”#what the hell are you doing in my blog-#“quiet you. today is my birthday.... have you forgot it?”#well no why?#“I want to be included because I care about all of them....half about akechi but still...”#okay fine once I'm done trick or treating I'll do something#alright?#“okay...thank you so much!”#you're welcome happy birthday by the way#“hehe thank you.... goodbye for now”
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No crafting update today because I spent all my spoons checking out a local(ish) wildlife reservation/hiking place, which was awesome! I could not explore the whole place, and it is very much "only wheelchair friendly if the person pushing my wheelchair is capable of holding my entire weight against a steep slope and immediately pushing the chair up another only partially paved steep slope", but I walked the whole time*! I got to hear wolves howling through the forest and it is a whole hell of a lot eerier to hear on a foggy day in a winter forest than it was the only other time I've heard it, which was a very bright sunny day in an amphitheater at a zoo where one wolf howled alone on stage. There were crows cawing and wolves howling and it was absolutely magnificent and suddenly a whole lot of things from various fantasy novels I read as a kid hit very different. Like, I get why hearing the wolves howl in the night would be alarming now! *we did bring my rollator/transport chair in the car, and the backup plan was that my dad or my brother would go get it and push me back to the car if I needed help
#the person behind the yarn#there were other animals and educational stuff but dang those howling wolves were something else#what can I say I grew up in a city with like zero wildlife that was bigger than lizards#well okay there were crows and seagulls and pigeons but I lived so far into a city there weren't even coyotes!#when I got a little older I did move somewhere with more wildlife (including but not limited to coyotes) but no wolves#my physical stamina is absolutely terrible at the moment because of the anemia and POTS#but the meds I am on are working pretty well!#I mean. they don't make me able bodied but they mean that my heart rate might be elevated but my blood pressure is okay#like my heart rate might be in the 130s but I'm not going to pass out! which is a huuuuge improvement!#it was also good to find out that the rest of my muscles are absolutely fine with an hourish long walk across uneven terrain#like. my heart was not so cool with it but the rest of my body was fine! and that's cool!#uphill slopes are still my nemesis and today was not a good heart day so I had to take very small steps#like half the length of my foot at a time#but it was a bad heart day and I COULD walk up slopes!!!
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yo merry christmas i'm thinking about christmas at the hargrove-mayfield's house throughout the years
wanna think about their first christmas together as a family, maybe before neil and susan even got married, or maybe just after. wanna think about what susan got billy for that first december 25th that they knew each other and what neil bought for max. did neil just pass that duty off to susan and stick his name on the from: section of the gift tag or did he put effort in and actually go to the shops and try and find something, specifically for his new step-daughter.
wanna think about the following few christmas' in california where billy never heard from his mom, never even got a fucking christmas card, but max heard from her dad; spending the time between christmas breakfast and christmas lunch on the phone, thanking him for the present he sent in the mail. wanna think about susan listening in, hearing her ex sounding distant and barely focused, agreeing with everything their daughter says, and biting her tongue; half relieved max hasn't picked up on the fact that sam's handwriting and her own is exactly the same, and half mad that sam's willing to take the credit without even blinking.
wanna think about their last christmas in california where they don't even realise it's their last one there; billy hitting his stride in being the worlds moodiest and most hard done by teenager, max following quick in his footsteps. wanna think about how all the gifts hand-picked by susan would be too lame and embarrassing to be thankful for, both kids screwing their nose up at most presents. maybe billy and max exchanging small gifts that christmas becos they haven't been at each others throats all year, only some, and susan thought it would be nice.
wanna think about their first christmas in hawkins, with things still so messy and uncomfortable and rough, but somehow settling into it like it's their new normal. wanna think about it being cold as fuck, none of them prepared for hawkins winters, and everyone walking on eggshells around each other and pretending it's fine. wanna think about max growing up and officially moving into her teenage years and billy counting down the days until he leaves them, adulthood so close yet still so fucking far. wanna think about them all sitting down for christmas dinner and billy barely being acknowledged, things still so tense even though it's been almost two months since everything went to shit, and max forcing out answers every time susan tries to keep the conversation flowing, her doing her best to carry the christmas spirit.
wanna think about a world where there's no living nightmares, no government conspiracies, and no death, but billy still spirals out of control anyway, feeling trapped and cornered in an unfamiliar town with unfamiliar people, his only solution to lash out and fight, anger and violence and distrust being all he knows. wanna think about max coming to the realisation that there's bigger monsters than her asshole step-brother, that maybe billy isn't the start of everyone's problems, just always somehow the end of them. want her to trace the line back to the source and realise neither of them ever stood a fucking chance.
wanna think about a christmas where billy's eighteen and max is fifteen, and they still live on cherry lane, and neil still fucking sucks, and susan still fucking tries, and everything's still awkward, the four of them never quite becoming the family unit their parents try to pretend them to be, but maybe billy and max get along these days, in a way they never could when they were younger, them going from being against each other to realising it's team up or be picked apart.
max gives him a present she saved up for for months, maybe as they're all going to bed, and billy raises an eyebrow at her before sighing and unwrapping it, still too fucking stubborn to be able to say thank you, but somehow brave enough to reach a hand into his room and grab out a present he got for her, and it's unwrapped cos he hasn't wrapped a present since his mom left, so max does her little sister duty and tells him she loves the wrapping and effort he put into it, before actually looking at what he got her, and he walks into his room and closes the door before she can even acknowledge it for the gift it is.
wanna think about billy eventually moving out, but not making it far; too fucking broke to live out his dreams of going home. wanna think about neil clapping him on the back on moving day and telling him he's done good, that this is what growing up is. graduating school, getting a job, moving out, providing for yourself. that's what makes a man. that it was rough there for a while, and he was worried, but he's glad to see his son's shaped up and straightened out finally, thanks to his solid parenting. wanna think about billy having no idea how to react, thinking that's the closest he'll ever get to his dad saying he's proud of him. wanna think about max helping him move and helping him chose a couch, claiming it has to be comfortable enough to sleep on when she crashes there on school breaks. want billy to tell her to get fucked, but buy the couch she picked out anyway.
wanna think about his first christmas out of home, and how how he probably feels indifferent about it at best, and pain about it at worst. christmas was never like the movies growing up, no matter how much susan tried, so it's not like being alone and having no decorations or presents is going to hurt, but he has enough memories of his mum, and a few moments over the years from when max and susan tried, and there's such a build up and fucking atmosphere about it all in hawkins that he can't escape it even if he tried, and he's starting to realise maybe he's really fucking lonely.
wanna think about neil calling him up and billy answering, cos now that they don't live in the same house and billy's finally taking responsibility for his own life, neil's like a whole new person. he wants to do father-son shit like talk about cars, offer advice about fixing the kitchen sink, tell him when to hire someone to fix something and when you should be able to fix something yourself, wants to watch sports games and crack open a beer on a saturday afternoon, and billy makes up reasons to say no most of the time, but sometimes he caves and says yes, cos there's a small part of him that's always wanted this. wanna think about neil calling and asking billy when he's coming over for christmas, saying that susan's cooking his favourite. wanna think about billy not even knowing what his favourite is, but saying he'll be at breakfast by 7:30am before he can stop himself.
wanna think about billy staying 'til afternoon and max raising an eyebrow at him, muttering don't you have a home to go to? while they clean up after lunch, but then neil offers him a beer, so he ignores her, and listens when his dad says he's welcome to stay for dinner, too. wanna think about billy and max smoking a joint out the back while their parents end the day with a christmas movie, and max turns to him and asks him what neil's deal is these days, and billy shrugs her off, too stubborn to look at it all too closely.
wanna think about billy pulling some money out of his wallet cos he has some now, and he didn't have time to get a present, too busy working overtime, but he has cash, so that'll do. wanna think about max handing him a new zippo, then somehow unearthing a whole-ass wrapped present, and when he opens it, it's a set of cheap fake glass cups, becos billy doesn't have any yet and every time she comes over she has to drink something either directly from the bottle in the fridge or remember her own drink bottle, and it's a housewarming gift, asshole, and this isn't my house, billy thinks, this isn't my fucking home, but it's also all he's got, so he finds a place for them in the cupboard above the sink, and max hunts them down the next time she's over first thing.
wanna think about christmas' in their future, when max moves out, when they're in their 20's and 30's, maybe billy keeps coming home, finding an uneasy peace with his dad reserved for special occasions only, the only few times of the year he's willing to lie to himself and pretend things were never as bad as his memories made them out to be, or maybe everything eventually crumbles, and billy finally gets to put some real distance between them, and finally then, he can breathe and stop pretending.
maybe max continues going, her seeing her mom try and so she puts in the effort to try as well, and maybe that works for a while, maybe even a lifetime, but maybe it doesn't, and by the time both her and billy are closer to 30 than 20, the only family they see on christmas is each other, and billy never wraps her presents, and max only gets him practical things, and they drink and bitch most of the time, but it's so much easier to exist in each others space when they don't have to act and pretend and play parts.
#anyway the idea of billy attending christmas day at cherry lane for those first few years and telling himself it's sooo fine#it's completely normal thing to do after a completely normal childhood where nothing ever went wrong ever#and for max to go along with it becos over her dead body is she gonna suffer through christmas day alone even though she thinks its Crazy#how billy and neil could go from the trainwreck they were to whatever illusion neil's trying to create now#but then like. the idea of billy getting a significant other; a Male significant other; and having to like. Face Facts#make up excuses to not go home from christmas anymore; but be too scared to tell his dad the real reason why#until his partner is like. I Know Your Childhood Was Bad But Jesus Christ. You're 25 Dude#wait also the idea of max Knowing and being like. Yeah He's Always Been This Stupid. Yeah It's Probably Genetic. Good Luck.#god the idea of billy finally telling his dad why he's not coming and neil hanging up on him. not msging him for his birthday#and billy getting the hint loud and clear. except maybe susan works some christmas magic and maybe neil's had a health scare or two#and maybe max says she's only coming home for christmas if billy is#so maybe neil calls billy up and says him and his Boyfriend are welcome home for christmas this year.#and it sounds like he's eating the sourest lemon in the entire world. but he's asking. and billy's like. this is gonna be terrible. we Can'#but somehow ends up saying yes. becos he's stupid.#and then neil and susan are sitting down for christmas dinner with billy and Boyfriend and Max and#okay listen. the elmax in me wants them so bad but also the lumax in me wants THEM so bad.#actually either way i can't lose neil would be frothing at the mouth either way#and max would be LOVED and CHERISHED either way#worlds most awkward and intense christmas dinner.#also u may be thinking. now melia. dont they have other family. cousins? grandparents? aunts and uncles? and you'd be right!#but i'm too lazy to go into that rn. the idea of neil cutting his family out and susan barely being on speaking terms with hers#ANYWAY the idea of christmas evolving over time from being something that they barely tolerated with each other#to being something that they only include each other in. no more parents and maybe significant others come and go but no matter what#it's them against the world
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i would like life events to stop occurring for the rest of the year please. i have had enough life events for a year.
#it's nothing horrible this time. just my brother's going to be moving back into the house with dad and i#he had a place downtown - a little apartment he lived in for free attached to the dog daycare he helped run#basically free apartment in exchange for looking after the overnight dogs as well as the usual daytime work there#but recently. a dog escaped the yard and ran off. and they haven't been able to find it. so the place's owner pulled the plug on the place#including his apartment. which. is some absolute bullshit to pull. taking his job AND his home both at the same time.#spineless coward hasn't even spoken to my brother at all since coming out with the decision. fucking chickenshit millionaire.#so. my brother and his dog are gonna have to pack up and move in.#it's fine on my end - being anxious about changes to my routine and home aside and all that#i'm just sad and angry and worried for him. none of this is fair for him at all. <:\#i just want the people i love to be okay. and i wish their lives could be kinder to them.
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Man there's nothing wrong with genderbends as a concept but there's something lowkey infuriating about this fandom's tendency to take canonically gay (or at least, MLM) male characters and genderbend them into women like. Is that not at least a little bit uncomfortable for anyone else here or is it just me
#esp since like for example you never see it happen to any of the female/sapphic characters#could just be bc TF's cast is overwhelmingly male and thus ppl want to even the gender ratio a little#but like. ppl spend more time genderbending male characters into women than they do making content for canon women including the sapphics#discourse#like idk sometimes if the art is really good or if i'm in a really good mood i'm like 'yeah this is fine. i admit i like it'#but then there's other times where i'm like. did you rly think it was a good idea to turn a canon gay man into a woman in your AU#like. really really?#idk it's just one of those things where as a baseline i understand genderbend and even enjoy them myself#it's just in this fandom specifically where the way ppl do it sometimes. feels uncomfortable. or at least poorly thought out#that or it's just me getting annoyed by ppl going 'omg i love TF women' and then making 0 content for them#and then complaining that there's not enough female characters#like okay you literally dont even pay attention to the women who are there and just make fanart of men and m/m stuff#kinda feels like you should either put your money where your mouth is or stop complaining about it#or maybe start supporting franchises that actually have even gender balances instead of inventing representation#that only exists in your brain/friend group and the ppl actually making shows (or watching them) dgaf about
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He gazes openly, and when Io finishes her task and turns, she is unsurprised to find him looking. It's been nearly a year, and she no longer shies away.
a little recreation from a recent prompt fill (mind the rating). they are so precious to me T^T
#azia gposes#io laithe#io/estinien#i'm sorry but her lil smile is so. smitten i had to include a close up ;alskfjsd#i accidentally clicked out of posing mode and reset this and then spent even longer remaking it :c#but it's fine it's fine. it turned out okay#ANYWAY i love them that is all
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UI Special Feature! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Ghostkinz#Ukadevlog#The UI bug returns and this time I can do something about it!!#I want so many balloons.... You don't understand I /need/ So Many Balloons..........#And also ''balloons'' haha - things that look like menus but aren't#I'm already up to uhhh one main talky balloon and a menu balloon and a special text balloon and an ''alert'' balloon that I don't like lol#Needs some modifying needs something more something specific to it#And then there's the submenus planned and the not-menus - haven't Reallyyy started anything for the Arcade yet so that's a question mark#What I'm saying it the Balloon is planned to be like - half the Ghost lol#The way balloons and the Ghost talk to each other is really cool!! The customization and utility of menu options Doing Things#It's so cool...#Anyway the point is - it's called the WShop and not the GShop that was a mistake on my part lol#I mean you use Kinzcash at the WShop but the W stands for Kinzcash?? Is it short for Webkinzcash???? I refuse#I will not call it the Ghostkinzcash Shop and have the player buy things with Ghostkinzcash that's dumb I'm keeping the W for Kinzcash#I mean it's for recognizability. That's why. Lol#Although I say that but I'm pulling most heavily from the veryyyy early WShop look! From when it was pink rather than blue#Which is doubly confusing because the Kinzstyle Outlet is also blue but like all the way including the awning - it's fine don't worry#Greyscale here makes that not a factor it's all good the important part is the shape#I do wish it'd format better in multiples of 4 or 8 but I guess 6 is okay... It's between the two I want but that's alright I guess#I really am instantly enamoured by collisions - I wondered for a while if Balloons could have collisions but even without them I have ideas#I may or may not have designed a few elements on the assumption that I could add a collision so I mean...But it'll be fine otherwise too lol#The Home and Curio Shop ''menus'' are definitely something I'm looking forward to - animations planned too :D#All hopefully adding up to a cohesive whole ♪
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Words cannot express how little I actually care about Magia Record btw.
#i was into it when the english server was around but i will never consider it canon#it constantly annoys me how for MANY a year Magia Record got so much more content then THE SOURCE MATERIAL#and magia record fans could be like. really elitist about it??? like huh????#anyways actually there isn't a timeline that Madoka's wish actually doesn't effect ^^ Scene 0 also isn't real and can't hurt you#we can play around with ideas and settings and new characters in a non canon spin-off without directly effecting the lore of the original!#that is a thing we can do!#pokemas does it just fine!#mobile games can just be fun what if stories!#sometimes i really feel like the only reason the holy quintet was included was to justify it being a madoka magica thing#ANYWAYS i have Magia Exedra pretegistered and i am happy i can at least#play this one lmfao (we'll see if the english server gets shut down 5 years before the game ends this time)#i am. a little more hopeful that this one will actually have a focus on madoka magica i know the magia record cast is also there and#i'm okay with that
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Jacket update :)
Been sitting on this a bit but!!! I did it! Transgender House of Wolves backpiece........
Some notes!
> Used an extra trans flag I got at a previous Pride!
> The pink fabric/gums are actually that band at the waist of an old hoodie, and unintentionally had a really neat lettuce-ruffle effect when I cut it. I feel like it makes it look fleshy.
> Fangs were hand sewn! In fact almost all of this was, just the top and bottom of the flag being sewn by machine (and later covered up by various fabric layers anyway). Also the chipped tooth was unintended (underestimated how much material I had there) but I think it's charming :)
> Belt was from a yard sard that I've had since middle school HAHA, I thought it would be aesthetically more pleasing if I separated the wings from the wolf mouth? I was careful to save some for later as well, if I want to implement it somewhere else.
> Also. Only stitched the ends of the belt to the jacket. The rest is nuts and bolts LMFAOO could NOT be bothered (but ties in nicely with the wings and other places I've used bolts! Metal detectors hate me.)
> Text was largely free handed with marker! I did have stencils (?) I drew out on paper, but not like cut outs -- the flag material was thin enough to trace and free hand the rest. Also, the text is meant to mimic the fonts seen in the lyric pamphlet! Because it was freehand, I did make a mistake on the N and covered it up with embroidery.
^ Progress pic that shows off concepts and references!
ALSO.
Added a bolt and a hair elastic as a clasp for the Extra Pockets on the sides!!! This actually makes them functional now!!! I can put pliers and scissors and Stabbing Tool (a dart I cut the aerodynamic bits off of) what have you in them AND nothing falls out when I yank it off and toss it aside YIPPEEEEEE!!! 🎉🎉🎉
The funniest part of all of this is that, this humble windbreaker, is now about as hefty and weighty as a leather jacket after all the mods and shit I've stored in the pockets. All five of them (there is a secret pocket as well 👀)
#my transition goals include 'guy who has fucking everything in his fucking pockets'. btw.#do you need a knife? ibuprofen? tweezers? lighter? bandaids? nail clippers? i've got you. hold on.#also i hope the skull belt is giving cartoon emo and not nazi shit 🤢#thank god i'm so fucking forgetful like. i thought the skull and crossbones studs were THE SICKEST SHIT#and then i forgor. to buy some. and then i learned it was a nazi symbol like okay. nevermind.#but like again i've had the belt since middle school it is a kids belt and also black parade death imagery and cartoon emo ect#and also just. vaguely gestering to the rest of the jacket and just all of me in general. like.#i hope people can look at me and think 'yeah he's fine. just a little weirdo about it' LMFAOOOO#anyways!!! happy pride!!! i'm still wearing this in june and nothing will stop me!!! not even heatstroke!!!!! YAAAAY 🩷🩷🩷#my projects#diy punk#mcr
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The Dragonkeeper movie worked as intended I laughed I cried I bought the first two books in the series it's based off of.
and I am THIS CLOSE 🤏🏻to writing a crossover Wingfeather Saga fanfic with it because are you KIDDING me?!? magic child?! healing water?! dragons?! THE ENDING?!? ak;hlgj;aglskafghsfagshfd
go watch it it's amazing I loved it
#I saw this movie at walmart two weeks ago and was intrigued#took a picture of the cover and decided to give it a watch tonight#oh my gosh I am. not okay.#I impulse bought the first two books off ebay they were only NINE DOLLARS ONE IS HARDCOVER FREE SHIPPING#IT IS 2AM I SHOULD NOT BE MAKING PURCHASES#I HAVE NO MONEY#and yet aerwiar#danziiiiiii 😭😭😭#PURPLE BABY DRAGON SPOTTED#helpful adorable animal sidekick#tiny peanut of a child and magic powers#something something sos chronicles adjacent#the dragon keeper#I am AWARE that the books are different from the movie I knew that from the getgo and I looked the books up on wikipedia#but that's a given the books are always different#I'm fine with that#I want both#I NEED the lore from the books I KNEW it had to be based off a series there were too many unanswered plot threads/questions#I'm gonna inflict the movie on my parents and amend my christmas list to include it
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woooo my niece took 5 of my 13 lego sets, one of which was one of the three larger ones, so that's one huge box out of the way and i'm just glad she wanted them because like they ARE twenty years old and they look fine ofc but sometimes kids aren't gonna want stuff that isn't new and shiny ya know, but she did seem to want everything which would've been fine with me but i knew there was no way they would take all that with them, and at least i still have stuff of my own to sell, plus should get at least a cut of my brother's stuff for doing the inventory and putting together that stuff that wasn't already done
#i mentioned the hp sets and how they had been pretty much left together and he was like '....i had harry potter sets?'#which once he saw them he did think they were familiar which was some of my feeling with mine#like oh YEAH i do remember these i just didn't remember having so many#i mean between 13 sets it's really like 3 categories so i would've played with like the whole ice palace and its related sets#i do just wonder how it'll be at the store like everything is pretty much in fine shape#and probably there are people who want older stuff that's rarer and whatever now#BUT then there might be more of a demand for newer stuff at a better price or whatever idk#anyway 6 sets left in the upstairs and then the bionicles and statue of liberty are still in the attic#i'm still not convinced there couldn't be another box somewhere bc idk how to explain the few sets#that are missing so much that i can't actually do them bc even if we had gotten rid of some why would we not include the huge base or w/e#anyway we'll see! but i'm getting closer! and i did a little one this morning#that seemed to be complete it didn't list some of the pieces as extras but based on the instructions i figure they have to be#so i don't really need them like i'll include them if i find them and they're not needed for something else but yeah#anyway i can go back to fic though these first two at least are short so i may be going back to another one tomorrow#can't wait to have my room back though fr like#it is not the only thing making it feel messy because i have newer jewelry and clothes and stuff that i just have to organize and put away#but man the jewelry situation is just. it's not even having so many pieces it's like big earrings that take up a lot of space or whatever#so i just have not wanted to deal with it but it's kinda out of hand#but i can really think about that after this particular project is done#and do puzzles again oh my god i have 3 puzzles waiting for me at least#plus my mom always has a bunch to be done since everyone knows to buy her puzzles lol but that has also gotten out of hand#i wouldn't mind getting rid of a couple of mine though just bc it is like okay you do it but then you just have it and it takes up space#would be cool to have pretty ones framed tho
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