#okay confession time this is the guy who was working in the liquor store and i was having a 'bad eye contact day' while also looking

[landofgay]

it's almost overwhelming how perfect he is actually like. if ever I was to design the perfect guy to find in this town he would be it

[mobiussnose]

Ash Williams x reader

Drunken Confession <3

Cross-posted to AO3

imagine young ash or older ash it really works with eithee

I don’t remember much about the timeline but basicalllly you both live in the trailer. “Hey, (canon), why don’t you eat my butt?”

You sat at the empty bar table in the midst of a deep conversation with the bartender about brain death. (He was unamused by your joke that you sure felt like you’re going through brain death.) You drunkenly thought his theories on your “hypothetical” undead situation would help defeat the deadites quicker. For a bartender, he got weirdly excited about explaining concepts that definitely resulted in medical malpractice.

“Hey, so sorry-“ you interrupted his rambling as you felt a vibrating in your pocket and picked up your phone, “my stupid roommate is calling me.”

The bartender nodded and began mixing drinks with practiced precision. Ash’s ridiculous contact picture faced you before you answered.

“Hiii Ashhhh,” you slurred.

“Hey where- wait. Are you- are you drunk right now?”

“Yeah...”

He let out a long sigh.

“Okay, text me the address of wherever the hell you’re at.”

After you told him he hung up without a word. You slumped back onto the bar table, head in your hands.

“Can I have another, please? Also what were you saying on the will of the brain?”

…

You missed Ash. He’d been so busy lately with his job and his less well known job (retail and saving humanity from the undead), which you knew is understandable. It didn’t stop you from curing your boredom through alcohol. The nearest bar is within walking distance from the trailer and far closer than the liquor store, and you didn’t want to deal with him asking why you suddenly wanted to get drunk. You would have gone by Chet’s bar, but you didn’t want to risk him finding out how often you were getting sloshed. (It may have been normal for him, but whether or not he wanted to admit it, you knew he got concerned for anyone getting drunk more often than him.) Particularly because you didn’t want to have to tell the guy who suffered insane amounts of trauma and fights dead people for a living that you were having a hard time. You just needed a night to yourself to get tipsy and relax. You hadn’t accounted for how drunk you’d end up getting.

This is what I get for not getting my usual. Or maybe I just ordered too many… how many did I order again?

A light tapping on the table roused you from your thoughts.

“Hey.”

“Hey! Hi. Hi, Ash! What are you doing here?”

He gave you an unimpressed look which quickly morphed into thinly veiled concern when he realized you were serious.

“I called to see where you were, it was getting late and you weren’t back yet. Wanted to see if you wanted to watch a movie or something. I called you and realized you just ran off to get drunk. Without me.” His expression soured on the last sentence.

“‘s not personal, I just-“ you hiccuped “-needed time to be me b-by myself.”

“What? Be you-?”

“You here to pick up this one?” The bartender interrupted before you could answer Ash.

“Yeah,” you both replied at the same time, but you continued, “this is Ashley, he’s my best friend! Isn’t he gorgeous?” You said.

They both shot you an incredulous look before Ash offered a hand to help you off your seat, which you gratefully took before wobbling on your feet and leaning on him.

“And you’ve met him before today, right?”

Ash opened his mouth to make a comment about you being smart enough to not leave with a total stranger, but you answered before him with “Yep! He’s been my roommate for two whole years. Our roomieversary was yesterday.”

Ash’s head snapped in your direction.

“It was, wasn’t it..” he muttered, with a little bit of remorse.

“This asshole forgot,” you giggled to the bartender (who carefully raised an eyebrow) as you rested your head against Ash’s shoulder.

“Alright, that’s enough shitting on me for today, let’s go,” Ash replied in a good natured tone.

“Okay, okay. Bye, Mr…” you squinted, reading the bartender’s name tag, “West?”

“Yes, well. Goodbye.” a small smile graced his face, evidently content with being able to discuss his scientific thoughts with a stranger, but more content about said stranger leaving him in peace.

…

You tripped over your feet, stumbling into Ash as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders.

“Gotta handle your drinks better.”

“Yeah,” you giggled, “sorry. Tried a new one and liked it too much.”

“I can see that, doll.” He opened the passenger seat and gently shoved you inside.

You struggled to put your seatbelt on as he started the car and turned to you. He sighed and easily buckled you in.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

You looked out the window in silence on the way back to the trailer, listening to Ash quietly sing along to whatever was on the radio.

“I like your voice.”

“Huh?”

“Your voice. I like it. ‘S nice.”

“Aren’t you always telling me I talk too much?”

“Yeah. They- uh- what’s the word.. coexist. You talk too much. But I love hearing it.”

“Can I get a recording of that?” He grinned.

“Talking too much,” you replied, gently swatting his arm.

He let out a small chuckle before turning down the radio slightly.

“Hey, what were you saying earlier?”

“What?”

“You said you needed to be you by yourself. What’s the deal with that?”

“Oh,” you mumbled. “Uh, it’s. I dunno.”

“I know you do. C’mon, I can take it. Suddenly sick of my company? Bored with the deadites?”

“No no! Not at all. I just- I don’t want you to see me sad, okay? That’s all. So I just.. thought I could be sad for a night without feeling bad about it. But it was actually interesting though, because the bartender -who’s clearly gay, on a side note- was weirdly obsessed with death. Did you know that people used to think after six to twelve minutes-“

“Okay, I’d love to hear this bartender’s thoughts on death as soon as you explain the nuts stuff you just said about not wanting me to see you sad. You know I won’t make fun of you for being sad, right? Geez, I don’t expect you to be happy all the time. You don’t gotta hide it from me.”

“—after six to twelve minutes, the brain is completely dead, which he was really pissed about and said that that isn’t true, which makes me wonder if he knows about the deadites-“

“Woah, woah, woah. He’s just some bartender. Pretty sure we’re the only ones in this town who’ve experienced the joys of the undead. C’mon now. I want you to tell me that you know you can be sad around me.”

“I know. I just don’t want to make you sad.”

He snorted. “Kid, I work in retail. It takes a lot to ruin my mood.”

“I know, I know. I just.. you’ve been through a lot, y’know? Even if you don’t talk about it. And I don’t want to make anything harder for you.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“We have a near death experience like once a week, so not really. But… I wish I coulda been there with you back then.. just so you weren’t alone.”

“You would have died,” he deadpanned, pulling up to the trailer.

“Well.. minus the dying part. I just wish you didn’t..” you yawned, “gotta be alone.. like that.. but. ‘M here now, and I hope that’s enough.”

You could feel his gaze on you as he glanced in your direction for a few seconds, but you were too tired to look up. He unbuckled both seatbelts and shut the door. You fumbled with the passenger side door and let out a hum of triumph as it opened, sliding onto the ground.

“Hey, I was comin over to help, idiot,” Ash said from above you. You offered your hands as he crouched down, thinking he’d help you up. Instead his hands went to your back, lifting you up. He moved one arm under your knees and the other between your shoulder blades, his metal hand splayed across your back.

“Oh. I could’ve gotten by on my own.”

“Not sure about that. I’m helping ya out whether you like it or not, sweetcheeks.”

You gave him a dopey smile, staring up at his face as he brought you in the trailer. You had never been this close before without the threat of a deadite, so you had to make the most of it. You tried to memorize the shape of his eyebrows, his gentle hair curls, his laugh lines, his chocolate brown eyes…

“Like what you see?” He smirked.

“Oh, always,” you blurred out.

His eyes widened, but before he could think of a reply you continued,

“You are- s-soooooo pretty, did you know that?”

“Yeah, I do, but it feels good to hear someone else say it.”

“Good. I’m saying it now. You’re really really pretty.”

“Gee, thanks.” He said, coming off with more sincerity than he’d like.

“You’re- you’re so important. T-to- to me. Wan’ you to know that,” you slurred out.

He paused. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just don’t tell you enough how much I like you.”

“Oh, yeah? How much?” he grinned impishly

“Like- like- this much,” you stretched your arms out wide, accidentally slapping his face in the process.

“Oh shit, sorry,” you moved your hand to caress the side of his face that you’d slapped. He paused in the middle of placing you down on your bed under the sheets.

“But I- I really do like you. Like a lot. More than a lot. Hey, Ash?”

“It’s okay, I know how much you like me. Like you too.”

“No, no you don’t. Ash. Ash, for real. I think I’m in love with you. I realized last month.”

“Sweetheart, I promise you’re not,” he said as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“No, really. Like if something happened to you, I’d be really, really, really, really sad.”

“That doesn’t make you in love with me.” He chuckled with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Yeah, but I am, though. Jus’ cus I’m kinda drunk doesn’t mean my head isn’t on straight.”

“I’m not sure about that,” he said, making to get up,“You’re pretty fucking drunk.”

You grabbed his arm, clearly not nearly strong enough to forcibly move him, but trying anyway. And succeeding, by just a small tug.

“Can you just stay? Please?”

He sighed. “Let me get you some water and an aspirin for tomorrow, then I’ll come back until you fall asleep.”

You smiled triumphantly.

“‘Kay.”

By the time he got back, you were already asleep. He thought of what you said earlier about being with him now.

“It’s more than enough.” He whispered.

He turned off the lights and looked at you once more before shutting the door.

…

You woke up smushed by your pillow with a pounding headache and the tiniest bits and pieces of your night.

Death conversation, ow, Ash, ow, car ride, ow, Ash, ow, Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash.

You remembered his presence, but not a word of your exchange.

As if on cue, the door slammed open.

“Good morning!”

“Shut up.”

“Is that any way to treat the guy who made you breakfast?”

“If that guy’s being especially loud, maybe.”

The pillow is pulled from your head and you weakly glare at him.

“Do we have pain meds?”

“Right by your head, doll.”

You glanced to the nightstand to your side.

“Oh. Thanks.”

“Not a problem. Remember anything from last night?”

“Uh…. not really. Car ride was bumpy.”

He snorted, a look of relief briefly crossing his face.

“Right. Wanna eat in here or come out of your cave?”

“I prefer the cave, thanks.”

“Gotcha.”

He brought in a plate and placed it on the nightstand next to the half full cup of water and mug of coffee.

“Ooh, coffee too? You do too much.”

“Damn right I do,” he said as he made to leave.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“To eat my breakfast.”

“Bring it in here. It’s your day off, right? Let’s watch a shitty movie.”

He paused, halfway out the door, before grinning ear to ear.

“Be right back.”

Two hours later, you’re both snoring side by side as the credits roll. Who’s to say which one of you shifted closer, but by the time nightfall came his arm was around your shoulders and your head on his chest.

[remingt0nleith]

pretty poison ♥ requested remington leith imagine.

A/N: This imagine was requested here. I hope I made it everything you were looking for. <3 (also the photo collage covers with weheartit photos will forever be a mood) SEXUAL IMAGINE AHEAD.

Also, let me know if you guys want to see more of these characters. An imagine couple in a series maybe?

Pretty Poison was the opening act for Palaye Royale on their U.S. tour. The lead singer, Nessa had been good friends with the three brothers since they met a few years back at a record store. The late-night tours had her becoming closer with Remington. The two singers bonded over song lyrics and vocal techniques. There was a tension brewing between them that the pair couldn’t decipher, was it a friendship or something more?

Throughout all of the late nights they spent together she never told him about her past. The dark thoughts that kept her up at night, the experiences she went through with her ex, all of that stayed locked up inside of her only coming out briefly in songs that she wrote.

Currently, she was watching the brothers perform from backstage, a red solo cup in her hand filled with a liquor a little stronger than how she normally liked it.

Palaye finished their set with the hit song Nervous Breakdown, something Nessa was quite familiar with.

As the boys made their way backstage, Remington grabbed her wrist gently to pull her towards him in a hug, she instinctively ripped her arm away from him and backed up.

His eyes widened and he held his hands up,

“Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he mumbled, fear in his eyes from upsetting his friend.

She shook her head, black bangs falling in her eyes before speaking,

“It’s okay, Rem. You just spooked me.” A lie that fell from her lips so easily, the truth buried far below the surface.

He nodded, grabbing a drink for himself then asked her if she wanted to go work on music back at the hotel.

She agreed and they walked the short distance back to the hotel, stopping a few times for Remington to take photos with lucky fans who happened to spot him on their journey.

Once in the hotel room, they both had a buzz going on from the alcohol flowing through their veins.

Sitting cross-legged on the plush carpet, he pulled out his notebook intending to get back to work but the alcohol in his system gave him a wave of confidence.

Remington leaned forward capturing Nessa’s lips against his own in a gentle kiss one in which she returned. Taking this as a good sign he deepened the kiss, brushing his tongue against hers gently, yet once again the other singer pulled away.

“Fuck.” He scooted back, hands running through his short split-dyed hair.

“I totally read the moment wrong,” he confessed, feeling guilty and embarrassed.

Nessa sighed feeling like she needed to tell him the truth or at least as much as she could bear to. She really liked him after all.

“It’s not your fault. Sexual things are just really hard for me after my ex.” She looked down while speaking, playing with a loose thread on her fishnet tights.

Remington stayed quiet, letting her continue at her own pace.

“Basically, he fucked me up in a lot of ways and there’s a lot of sexual stuff I can’t even do, like going down on a guy. It’s just hard.”

Her eyes filled with tears as she expected him to get up and leave, it was what every guy had done when she told them. No one wanted to be with a girl that was so broken especially when it came to sex stuff.

“I’m so sorry,” Remington whispered, his heart breaking in his chest. How could any guy treat her badly was the thought racing through his head.

She looked up and met his gaze, feeling strong enough to continue.

“It’s part of the reason why I can’t be vocal during sex. I know guys usually want girls that are loud and speak up in bed, but I just can’t.” She admitted.

Remington held his arms open which she accepted and crawled into his arms, feeling safe within his hold. After a few moments, he whispered,

“You don’t need to feel like you’re not good enough. Everything about you is perfect to me. If we were together I’d never force you to do anything you weren’t comfortable with.”

Her heart filled with a mix of safety and happiness.

She pulled away enough to look up at him her bright green eyes meeting his dark ones, she leaned forward to kiss him this time being the one to deepen it.

As their tongues moved against each other passionately she crawled into his lap.

He pulled away after a moment to check on her,

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, bringing a hand up to caress her cheek.

She nodded, smiling as she took notice of his swollen lips.

“I think I just needed to tell you that. If we do this, I can’t talk during it. Can we come up with another way to have a safe word?”

“Of course. How about if you want to stop you grab my wrist and if you want me to keep going you pull my hair?” He asked wanting nothing more than to make her comfortable.

Her eyes lit up at the idea and lust swirled inside of her, seeing this side of Remington was so sexy.

“That sounds like a good plan to me. Now shut up and take your clothes off,” she giggled standing up from his lap.

He didn’t have to be told twice and the pair undressed quickly. Fishnet tights and skinny jeans were tossed aside before the light was clicked off.

Remington pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately before laying her on the bed.

“Remember the safe gestures?” He questioned before moving to kiss her neck.

Letting him know she did and also wanting him to keep doing that, she tugged on his short dyed hair.

He obliged licking and sucking on the soft skin leaving behind a faint pink mark.

He kissed his way down her body, moving his hand up to be close to her so she had easy access to grab his wrist if needed.

Once he made his way between her thighs, he looked up at her in the darkness.

Nessa replied by reaching down and tugging on his hair, urging him to continue.

He made himself busy by sliding his tongue across her wetness, causing her to moan out softly, sure she couldn’t talk but moaning was a different story especially when a sexy singer was doing that, she thought to herself.

She buried her fingers in the soft tendrils of his black and blonde hair, hoping he got the hint to keep going, which he did.

His tongue moved slowly across her clit, teasing the sensitivity of it.

She closed her eyes and lost herself in the sensations as his mouth and tongue worked expertly against her most tender area.

The pleasure built up and she knew she was going to come soon so she tugged at his hair once more to let him know as her moans got louder. She bit down on her lip as she came her legs quivering from the warmth and wetness of the singer’s tongue.

Remington pulled away, licking his lips as he moved back up to check on her, his eyes searching hers in the darkness.

She grinned before leaning forward to kiss him, tasting herself on his lips.

“Are you going to fuck me now?” She whispered, before biting down on his lower lip in a teasing but intimate gesture.

He let out a rough laugh, leaning over to grab a condom, once situated he slid himself into her, both moaning out in pleasure.

Nessa once again threaded her fingers through his hair as his hips moved against hers, the sensation of his large member filling her up with every thrust.

He buried his face against her neck to lick and suck on her flesh as he picked up the pace, fucking her into the hotel mattress.

The two lovers moaned into the darkness as the pleasure blossomed within them.

Remington coming with a low growl, Nessa tightened her grip on the short locks of hair and moaned out as she came, shaking beneath the singer.

Once everything was cleaned up, the duo laid together in bed.

“I’m so happy I gave this a chance.” She whispered into the darkness.

Remington agreed, once again happy that she shared such a vulnerable part of her past with him.

“Me too and don’t think this was a one-night stand either. You’re definitely not getting rid of me now.” He admitted.

xx

[i-like-writing-stuff]

four months; part 2 [five hargreeves x reader]

a/n: thank you all so so much for your support and feedback! i literally could not believe that the first part has over 200 notes and yall want a continuation like omagash??? im soft, thank you guys <3

here is the long awaited part two, but before we dive into that, i felt the need to ask yall if you want five to be aged up?? in most x reader i’ve read on this site, five is aged up, but I felt like, in my case, i didn’t really needed to mention that because i am only like two months older than the actor, and its not like im gonna write smut with him- gross. point is, idk. should i age him up tho??? idk what to do, so here are both aidan and timothee to soothe ur heart for this second part!! <3

(the gifs do not belong to me, lemme know if u know who made them so i can give credits- they’re real cute mah gawsh!!!)

alsoo if you want more five imagines or literally any other hargreeves sibling or fictional character ousside tua, feel free to leave a request in my inbox! kisses <3

summary: after a long family meeting and more booze, you decide to make a bold move and profess your buried feelings.

part 1

“Men are stupid shitheads.” You concluded, setting your flask on the counter, looking at the new bangs Allison had just cut for you.

Even in her drunken state, they seemed to be very nicely done. You were quite surprised by the way they turned out, but pleased nonetheless. It was a spontaneous decision, getting bangs. You had been sitting in the hair salon she was working at with her, Klaus and Vanya after a not so great family meeting.

Hugs were shared, true, but then arguments started and before you even knew it, Luther stormed out, Diego followed him, Five went missing for whatever business he had, and Klaus claimed that Ben was not even there- apparently, ghosts can’t time travel.

So, it was just the four of you, drunk in a hair salon, with too much alcohol and way too many scissors around you, complaining about how shitty your love lives could be.

“Amen.” Klaus raised his drink in the air, “I’ll drink to that.”

“Right?” Allison nodded, combing her second client, Klaus, “The nerve of Ray! I mean, one thing goes wrong and he’s on a warpath!” She vented, holding the bottle of liquor in her free hand, “I mean, doesn’t know who I am?! No, no! No, Ray- you know exactly who I am, you just can’t handle it!”

You watched with a raised brow as Vanya was out of zone, pretending to be shooting the long line of empty bottles gathered in front of her, as Allison kept on continuing her rant. Her husband had just seen her use her powers on the night they started the protest, and was now having a real hard time comprehending what was going on. You didn’t see him at home either, so you figured he may have been upset with you as well for maybe hiding the secret. Or maybe he thought you were like her, who knows?

“Hey, wouldn’t it be weird if Five grew up all hot?” Klaus suddenly asked, taking a drag out of his cigarette, as he got up from his seat to walk around the hair salon, “Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“Why would you even think of your brother like that?” You asked riddled, narrowing your eyes at the man as his sisters almost gagged at the thought.

“Oh, please, you’ve been thinking that, haven’t you?” Klaus asked, pointing at you as you took another swig from your nearly empty flask.

“I... I mean- he’s... Five... uh... no comment!” You suddenly declared, at loss of words, as you got up from your seat, trying to maintain your balance as you made your way towards the bottle of liquor to fill your flask again.

“When are you two gonna confess your feelings?” Allison asked with a groan, letting her head fall backwards as she sat on the chair, “It’s getting really tiring!”

“We have an apocalypse going on!” You argued, “There’s no time for feelings!”

“This is the perfect time for feelings!” Klaus chimed in, taking another drag out of his cigarette, “These might be your last six days on Earth! Do you want to die regretting that you never told Five how you felt about him?”

“I’m not having this conversation anymore.” You declared, out of arguments, as you poured liquor in your flask, “Why don’t we talk about Allison’s crush on Luther instead?”

“We have never even kissed!” Allison defended herself, causing Vanya to spin on her chair confused, looking between the three of you.

“Yeah, but you guys were making little sick moon-dog eyes at each other all through puberty and breakfasts and... all that.” Klaus waved her off, sipping from his own flask.

“Aren’t we all brothers and sisters, or...?” Vanya wondered confused, as you and Klaus snorted amused at her innocence.

“Well... technically...” Allison tried to find an excuse or explanation, but she was having a hard time putting her thoughts in place.

“Technically?” Klaus raised a brow, “If you....” He stammered, trying to regain his train of thought, “If you have to use the word technically, you’re already in trouble.”

“Okay, can we go back to Five and Y/N?” Allison tried to change the subject, “Or maybe at least help me save my marriage?”

“That’s like...” Klaus stumbled on his own feet, filling his flask again, as you leaned against Vanya’s chair curiously, “That’s like asking a nun how to hump someone’s leg! I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationships? This one?” He asked, pointing at Vanya, “In secret love with some farm Frau!”

“Her name’s Sissy.” Vanya informed him.

“Which is an improvement on her previous love interest.” He said, looking at you and Allison, as you shook your heads to slightly tell him to shut up, “...the serial killer.”

“What?!” Vanya yelled, looking between you and Allison for an explanation, but you just softly waved her off, promising to remind her later.

“And look at this one!” Klaus ignored the three of you, pointing at... well, you, “A fifty year old assassin, who got the chance to be a teen again, but she is too afraid to admit her feelings for the... wait, is Five a boy or a man?”

“Both?” You raised a brow, unsure of the answer.

“Meanwhile, I’m carrying a torch for a soldier I haven’t technically met yet, and Luther is in love with his sister.” Klaus waved you off, trying to keep his balance again on his feet.

“Okay, again- we are not biological!” Allison tried to defend herself once more, but Klaus simply ignored her.

“Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin.” He said, making all of you nod in agreement, as you couldn’t help but confess, taking another chug out of your flask;

“I can’t believe I got to the point where I was jealous of Dolores.”

Okay, maybe ‘banging’ and ‘jealous’ were strong words, but you had to admit you were not that pleased when one of the first things that Five did when he got back to 2019, was go to some store to get back his plastic girlfriend who kept him company in the four decades he spent all by himself in the apocalypse.

You understood his mind, though. You would have gone insane as well if you had to be all alone after the end of the world, without another soul on the planet. Nonetheless, you still were maybe a tad too happy when he decided to return her to the store.

Leaving you the only woman he had eyes for, unbeknownst to you.

“I’m gonna tell Sissy that I love her.” Vanya suddenly declared, straightening her position confidently.

“You go, girl!” You cheered, clapping for your friend.

“I don’t want any secrets.” She said, making you and the other two nod in agreement, contemplating about your own lives.

“Yeah!” Allison said, getting up with the bottle of alcohol tightly clutched in her hand, “Yeah, yeah- you’re right! Yes, ‘cause, you know- if this all goes tits-up, the least I can do is be honest with my husband!

“Oh, does that mean I have to face my cult?” Klaus sighed, “I just hate group break-ups, it’s why I stopped dating twins!”

You pondered about it for a moment, in your state that was definitely not the most sober. You had a lot of alcohol coursing through your veins, but you felt like maybe it was better. You could think with your heart more than you could think with your brain, and your heart was telling you that your friends were right.

They all are getting themselves ready to take big risks in their lives, why shouldn’t you? They had a valid point; the world was gonna end in six days if you guys couldn’t find a way to solve this. Last time you didn’t have the brightest plan, so why should this time be a success? Reality hit you; there was a real big chance that you might die.

So why not just be honest with Five? What was the worst that could happen? You manage to save the world and Five rejects you? Big deal!

Well, it actually was a big deal.

“What if he rejects me?” You asked all of a sudden, causing the three siblings to turn to you, “What if I tell Five how I feel about him and he rejects me? I know maybe at my age I shouldn’t be this anxious about a man, but... it’s not like I’m going anywhere, I’m glued to the Hargreeves clan.”

And it was true. After the events of the 2019 apocalypse, right before you and the others got separated, you shared an adorable moment in which you confessed to each other how happy you were to have met and be taken into their family as one of their own.

“Normally, I’d say to not ponder on that for too... long.” Klaus slurred, “But given that it’s Five, you don’t even have to worry about that.”

“He’s right.” Allison shrugged, “That won’t be a problem.

“I have no memory of any of you, but from the hug I’ve seen you two share earlier- you’re not just friends.” Vanya spoke up, making you stare into nothingness for a moment.

I mean, it’s Five we are talking about. If he were to have any feelings, it’s not like he’d be honest with them or act, right? It would be up to you to make the first move.

You let out a long sigh, rubbing your hands on your upper arms, reminding yourself of the hug. It may have been the first time you and Five actually hugged, in all the years you’ve known each other. The way he held you close and nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, taking in your scent, feeling you in his arms, even if for him it had been only four days. You had to live with the thought that he may be dead for months.

And you hated that, you knew you wanted him alongside you. You wanted that little rude, at times obnoxious dipshit, with a soft heart- as much as he hated to admit it. You loved how much he cared about his family, about saving the world. Five is a great person; he is caring and has a big heart, as much as he tried to hide it behind his trashmouth.

“Fine!” You groaned, letting your head fall backwards, “I’ll tell Five I fucking love him and his dipshit face!”

“Yes!” Klaus clapped, as Allison and Vanya cheered proudly, “Come here!”

You and Vanya walked towards him, as Allison wrapped an arm around his waist, waiting for the two of you to skip towards them, pulling you into a group hug, as “Twistin’ the night away” by Sam Cooke blasted on the radio, causing the four of you to start a small dance party, letting for the first time in a long while your problems just go away.

For the sake of the song.

After a couple more hours of drinking, gossiping and dancing, the four of you decided to finally part ways and attend your promised business. Klaus went to deal with his cult, as Allison decided to be completely honest with her husband at home and Vanya was going to confess to Sissy.

As for you?

You were going to tell Five Hargreeves you were in love with him.

“Hey, dipshit!” You confidently yelled, running up the stairs of the store, trying to find Five.

“Y/N?” Five frowned, walking out of the kitchen with a coffee mug in his hands and a confused look on his face, “Are you... even more drunk? And did you get bangs- what the...?”

“Shut up.” You waved him off, walking towards him to grab the mug out of his hand to sober yourself up, “Why in the hell are you even drinking coffee at this hour?”

“I’m... trying to calm myself...” He frowned, watching as you chugged his freshly poured coffee.

“Normally I’d ask.” You said, setting the mug on the counter, shaking your head, “But right now what I have to say is more important.”

“Is that so?” Five raised a brow curiously, as you slowly slapped your cheeks, trying to get the room to stop moving, “Why don’t you go to bed?” He asked, gently pushing you towards the couch, “And we talk in the morning? I don’t really have time for this.”

“No!” You yelled, stopping in your tracks to poke his chest, “We don’t have to talk! I talk and you- you listen!” You said, poking his chest again, “You never have time for anything, all you can think of is your stupid apocalypse!”

“Oh yes, isn’t that a trivial thing to be thinking of?” He asked with a sarcastic smile, crossing his arms.

“I don’t need your sarcasm!” You yelled, poking his chest a third time, feeling him get more tense.

“I swear to God, Y/N, if you do that one more time-...” Five took in a deep breath, as he could feel as he was slowly losing his patience.

“Shut up!” You groaned, watching as his brows knitted in confusion, “I’m trying to confess my feelings for you, you moron!”

“W...What?” He asked, as his face suddenly softened, unfolding his arms.

“I’m in love with you!” You sighed, rubbing your face, “Okay? I-I am in love with you and I am trying to sober myself up, but I think I may have had too much to drink.”

“You think?” Five scoffed, slowly leading you towards the couch, “Are you sure you’re not saying this just because you have a ton of alcohol coursing through you?”

“Well... kinda, ‘cause if I were sober there was no way in hell I would have confessed.” You puffed, complying, as you let yourself guided by him, “Allison, Klaus and Vanya all convinced me that I should tell you, that we only have six days left on Earth and in case we don’t save it... I shouldn’t be going down with regrets.”

Five listened to your every word carefully, as you continuing venting about how his siblings spent the whole day trying to convince you to tell him about your feelings, as he slowly held your hands, as you took a seat on the couch. He nodded at your words to let you know that he was listening, as he took two pillows off the armchairs beside, placing them at one end, softly pushing you down.

“...and then Klaus said that he hates group breakups.” You said, not even noticing what was going on, feeling your lids get heavier once your head met the pillow.

“Not a surprise there...” Five muttered, grabbing the blanket that was rested on top of the couch, placing it over you.

“Are you trying to dismiss me?” You wondered, but still making yourself more comfortable, as you sat on your side, with your head facing Five, who knelt in front of you tired.

He bit back a smile, watching as you slowly closed your eyes. He knew you were extremely drunk, he could see that in the way exhaust took over you. Not only you had a lot of alcohol in your system, but you’ve also had some long couple of days, and some longer ones were ahead of you until you knew for a fact the world was safe once more.

“I don’t know how it is, that you’re the one person who actually makes me feel... soft.” He confessed, watching your lips curve into a smile at his words, “You... drunken idiot.”

“I regret nothing.” You said proudly, as Five couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, softly stroking your hair to help you fall asleep sooner.

“We’ll see about that in the morning.” He smirked amused, watching as you pouted.

“You never gave me an answer, you know.” You pointed out, letting his soft touch calm you down, as you felt sleep slowly take over you.

“You never gave me a question.” He retorted, knowing for sure that if your eyes were opened, you would roll them at him.

“I think you like to hear me say that I am in love with you, it’s the third time I have to say it.” You said, slowly placing your hands under your pillow, making yourself more comfortable.

“I am happy to see that you still know how to count.” Five said, placing some wild strands of hair behind your ear.

“Screw you.” You said, making him grin, as he went back to stroking your hair.

“In this whole... shitty situation I managed to get myself into, you, Y/N, might as well be the only thing keeping me sane... surprisingly.” Five frowned at the last bit, watching as you opened your eyes, shifting your head to watch him, “I love you too, moron.”

“I never said I love you.” You smirked, teasing him as he rolled his eyes.

“You little chipmunk...” Five sighed, shaking his head in disbelief amused, as you leaned into his touch more, closing your eyes, pleased with yourself.

“Yeah, but you still love me.” You said, not once dropping that smirk on your lips.

“You’re impossible, did you know that?” He wondered, resting his forearm on the couch beside you, as he knelt on the floor, trying to make himself more comfortable, noticing the way you were enjoying the scalp massage... for free.

“A little bit.” You slowly shrugged, wrapping your arms around his, once you felt it beside you.

Five watched with a soft smile as you pulled his arms closer to your face, nuzzling into it with a satisfied smile, happy that you listened to your friends.

And deep down, so was Five thanking his siblings.

[deafwestnewsies]

be my first last kiss

You can plan on a change in the weather or time, but you'd never planned on him changing his mind.

jack kelly x davey jacobs

read it on my ao3!

Earnest to goodness, Jack Kelly was going to murder Racetrack Higgins.

No, Anthony Higgins, this was the sort of thing that makes you pull out the tarnished christian name of a friend (or so you thought) you’ve known since he was toppling over on baby-fattened legs. Anthony Higgins would die by the sword of Jack Kelly.

He just had to get this godforsaken Youtube video filmed first.

You’re doing this for the cash, Jack grumbled to himself as he passed through the metal doors of a nondescript building on the Lower East Side- it was the kind of place being slowly taken over by hip and fun corporations promising Asian-fusion bars and eco-friendly thrift stores while edging out the relic businesses built on the backs of immigrant dreams. Jack couldn’t stand areas like this, the air thick with wasted luxury, so he rarely left the barrio. Why would he? Spot Conlon slept in the bedroom next to his. Katherine Plumber and Sarah Jacobs ran the bookstore that bought his baked goods and sold them for decent money. Medda lived down the street with her plethora of children, and Racetrack still beat the known path, doing tricks on the street corner for spare change and internet views. Davey- David. David Jacobs wasn’t there. It was right where Jack wanted to be.

Much unlike the dim studio where he now shuffled his feet, waiting for the perky young PA with bright red streaks in her hair to come back with further information about the video he would be shooting. Jack wasn’t a stranger to this small production company; He participated in a few Youtube videos back before they had millions of subscribers, he played truth or dare with lots of liquor and a complete stranger, he confessed about the first time he fell in love so it could be put to pathetic music.

Cash where you could get it, right?

“Kelly, right?” Cherry Streaks was back with a vengeance.

“Jack, actually,” he corrected.

“So you’re going to stand over there where the little blue X marks the spot and wait until the producer, Adam, starts asking you a few questions. The first one might be a test for our boom guy. Answer honestly, we can pretty much tell when you’re making up a story by this point. After that, the main part of the video will begin. Got it?” She was pointing wildly with a Number 2 pencil that had previously been stuck through her ponytail, and she smelled faintly of jasmine. Jack felt dizzy.

“Wait, I thought this was one of those ‘Choose who’s the best kisser out of ten strangers’ type of deal?” I mean, that’s what Race told me- oh God. Oh Santa Maria. Oh Saint Francis.

The young woman smiled like she was keeping an excellent secret. “Have fun, Jack Kelly.”

Walking off at her ominous dismissal, Jack stood where he was directed. The fluorescent lighting made him sweat under the knowledge that he had virtually no idea what he was doing there, Race had lied to him so that he would participate in some sort of sick, horrible scheme, and for all he knew, behind door number three could be his third grade teacher with a baseball bat and a basic multiplication grudge.

“Jack! It’s nice to see you again.”

Romeo was walking towards him with that easy gait Jack had memorized so long ago- Romeo had shot the original videos on an Amazon tripod and the unfounded hope of human connection, and now he owned the entire shebang. Jack dropped his tense shoulders to give him a warm smile. “Romeo. Boy, am I glad to see a friendly face.” Jack lowered his voice to a stage whisper. “You’ve got a production assistant who actually does work, so I’m assuming we’ve died and you earned a really nice deal in Heaven?”

Romeo barked out a laugh. “If I’ve died, do not resuscitate. I’ll never be able to look at another bodega meatball sub after cooking food bought in a real grocery store.”

“Rub it in, why don’tcha?” Jack punched the shorter man on the shoulder. “Listen, Romeo, you gotta tell me what I’m in for, a buddy totally sold me out for the cash and I have no clue what this project is gonna be like.”

Before Romeo could respond, a tall, lofty man behind the camera cleared his throat. “Darling? We’re ready to begin when you are.”

“Jack, meet Specs. Or Adam, but we all know how well nicknames stick. Specs, this is the old friend I was telling you about.” Romeo ended right above Specs’ elbow, and it was all Jack could do not to laugh.

The man fixed his thoughtful gaze on him. “It’s nice to meet you, Jack. You’ve got a real presence on the camera. Have you ever considered acting?”

“I’m afraid I’m, uh,” Jack flexed a paint-stained hand. “Strictly canvas, as they say.”

Nodding as if that was a phrase people commonly used and not something Jack invented on the fly, Specs then clapped his hands together. “Folks, let’s film this sonofabitch.”

---

“I’m Jack, and I’m a twenty-four year old artist living in New York City.”

“Have you ever been in a relationship?” Specs questioned from behind the camera.

Jack blinked in surprise. “Sure. One throughout high school, another in college and a little bit beyond. I wouldn’t call myself a heartbreaker or anything.”

“Do you stay friends with your exes?”

“One of ‘em, yea. It was more of an amicable thing, you know. She ended up being a lesbian. And I am… not.” His clumsy fingers tugged at a constricting collar.

“And the other?”

“Just because I’m not a heartbreaker doesn’t mean I can’t be a real asshole sometimes,” Jack nervously chuckled. (Davey had laid out rose petals, for God’s sake. Rose petals.)

“Was this girl the high school girlfriend, or the college one?”

“Boy,” Jack quickly corrected. “Man. I guess. He was in college- four and a half years.” (It took him four days to clear away the rotting flowers, the bleeding color slowly seeping into his carpet. Katherine found him delirious with whiskey on the bathroom floor; Sarah couldn’t bear to walk through his front door.)

“How’d you meet him?”

(He twisted in his high-backed blue chair. “It’s habláis in el presente.”) “Freshman year of high school actually. Spanish class. Funny story, actually, that other girl I dated? His sister. Broke her heart for his. He was so mad at me that we didn’t talk for like, months after.”

“It was six and a half months, actually.”

Of things Jack was expecting to see today, Spiderman was more likely than David. A flash mob singing death metal, maybe. Pigs flying through the polluted air.

“I was told to come in. I now see why.” David’s eyes narrowed behind his thin wire frames, different from the heavy Ray-Bans that he had dedicated himself to sophomore year of high school. Jack hated that he looked older, wiser, and all around… better.

Specs cleared his throat before the bewildered set of men (one more angry than the other, both desperately avoiding eye contact) could demand what sort of sick joke this was. “Can you introduce yourself?”

They broke up on a Tuesday, an insignificant, momentary Tuesday. Fourteen months ago. (Yes, fourteen months, like their terrible split was a baby that Jack was nurturing bit by bit. He refused to round down- fourteen months ago, he left David Jacobs.) So when David ran his thumb across his jawline, a nervous tick older than his younger brother, Jack couldn’t fathom why he felt so relieved. Some things never did change. “David. Jacobs.” David’s jaw flexed as he looked into the camera. “I dated Jack for almost five years.”

“Tell us about your other relationships.”

“Unfortunately, I spent the better part of high school and college pining after a total cocksock. Not a whole lot of time for casual dating in between.”

A deep silence permeated the studio as two boom mic operators swapped awkward glances. Jack didn’t attempt to defend himself- he was sort of a cocksock. David Jacobs had asked him to uproot what little life he had in New York and move to Santa Fe for a prestigious, so-accolated-you-could-cry medical school, and Jack Kelly broke up with him over containers of kung pao chicken and scattered rose petals. He was a cocksock, a dickhead, and complete asshole. An ex-boyfriend of mass proportions.

“Okay, so.” Specs was wiping at his glasses with the tail of his shirt. Jack wanted to snap them in half. “Today’s video is entitled ‘Exes kiss for the first time since their breakup’. If you need more explanation…”

“I think we’ve got it.” David snapped, clenching his fists rapidly.

Jack stepped half an inch closer to David and began murmuring under his breath. “Davey, if you don’t want-”

“Don’t call me Davey.” His eyes were alight with flame- Jack’s chest caught fire.

Of all the things that felt domestic when dating Davey Jacobs, kissing him never managed to become routine. Davey kissed like he earnestly meant it. The gears in his brilliant mind would grind to a halt so he could dedicate himself to the lilting curve of Jack’s mouth, a gentle sweep of warmth when the artist’s mouth was otherwise preoccupied with his needless words, and the world would spin on a delicate axis. (Jack’s shoulders rose to meet Davey, the physical ache of being someone’s other half drawing him forward. Davey had avoided him for so long, Jack living on a diet of lingering stares and a brief touch of the hand, that kissing him felt like a dying man knelt at a replenished well. How did they exist for so long without this innate knowledge of the universe? Could he stand to go on a single second longer without the praise of Davey Jacob’s lips?) Of all the things Jack missed about spending his life with Davey Jacobs, kissing him was certainly one of them.

There was a moment where the pads of Jack’s fingertips brushed the nape of David’s neck, a habit borne from the small noise it would draw from the back of his throat, and the steely corporate floor felt more like the worn carpet in the old thirty-second street apartment. Jack could feel his thready pulse with the gentle press of a thumb.

Davey was a fan of the dramatics- he would pull away from a passionate kiss in the middle of a busy New York street to stare into Jack’s eyes, foreheads gently touching and cheeks furiously blushing. Now, he simply drew back. Took a step away. Swiped at his lips with the back of his hand.

Jack felt like he was falling. (“If you ever break up with me,” Jack began. He laughed at Davey’s unexpected shudder, the honest and visceral kind. “Make it quick.”

“What about when you break up with me?” Davey peered over his glasses.

Crinkling his nose, Jack quickly answered before the other boy could detail any breakup preferences. “I’m not an idiot, Dave. ‘M not going anywhere.”)

---

He stared at the limp fifty dollars in his hand. Romeo had apologized, explaining that the people who had organized this got half the cut, and handed them both an envelope- Jack, one with “Tony Higgins” that he planned to run through his shredder, and David, one with “Sarah Jacobs,” which made Jack gawk in disbelief.

Jack didn’t want to walk away; David’s feet were shuffling against the worn pavement.

“It’s funny,” David started. “I listened to a lot of Taylor Swift to get over you.”

He winced. “Sorry?”

“Please. I know she’s been your top artist since 2013.”

(Katherine walked through a worryingly unlocked apartment door. “Is that... Begin Again? Jack, what the fuck are you doing?” She had seconds to worry about the cluster of wilted flower petals her heel had put a hole through before Sarah pointed at the pair of legs sticking out of the bathroom’s entrance.) “Yeah, okay. Fair. But… funny? Did I miss a joke?”

David closed his eyes to roll them, as he so often did when he was trying to be polite, and it hurt to be on the receiving end. “We just had our last kiss. You know, like-”

“I’m Joe Jonas?” Jack interrupted, bewildered. The semi-glare he received in return was all he needed to know- “Right. Dickhead. Listen, Dave- David, why didn’t you tell me you were back in town?”

There was a brief moment where something unrecognizable flashed over David’s face- pity? Regret? Dejection? It was quickly replaced by a soft smile tugging at the edge of his lips, his eyes glazed over with a practiced professionalism. “I’ll see you around, Jack. Have a good day.”

David turned and walked down the street, and Jack just missed the passing moment he chose to look back.

---

Comment on EXES KISS FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THEIR BREAKUP by IncredibleKinsey: those two dudes are all mad and then just make out like that????? yeah okay call me when the wedding happens

[bffsoobin]

Windflower

01|02|03|04|05|06

↳ after a heartbreak you find yourself in a small town looking for purpose. you find employment with Choi Soobin and his impressive ancestral home. when you start to fall in love again, there’s no way for you to predict what you find in the depths of the home and Soobin’s mind.

➤ hanahaki au, angst

Word Count:3,052

Warnings: drinking (reader gets shmashed), vomiting, reader is very hard on herself, crying, swearing, mentions of pain, mentions of surgery, arguments, anger, Soobin’s temper is short as hell,Soobin is probably hiding something, it’s getting really angsty guys

A/N: Here’s another Windflower chapter! I can’t believe I’m writing the fifth part of this already. I still love this series so much I can only hope all of you are liking it just as much!

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:••:•.•

Luckily, Soobin was much too caught up in worrying over your injury to realize the way you winced with every wrong movement. There was absolutely no way you could let him know that you were growing flowers for him. The best you could do for now was push him out of your room and try to give yourself some space. 

“Soobin,” you rested a gentle hand on his thigh as he rambled about his encounter with a rude teenage worker at the hardware store. “I think I’m gonna take a shower, okay?” 

“Oh, yeah! Of course! I’m gonna go,” he stood in an awkward hurry- tripping over his own socked feet- once again towering over your frame as you remained stationary on your bed, “set up that AC unit in the living room. We can...watch some TV?” He bit into the soft flesh of his bottom lip, a small sign of nerves that sometimes caused the boy to make himself bleed. The stern, slightly panicked edge of his voice that you had become accustomed to since his return had totally dissipated. Unfortunately for you, the low sting of pain in your chest showed no signs of following suit as the boy backed out of your room carefully.

Once the solid click of the door shutting registered in your mind, an ice cold wash of anxiety took over your body completely. Despite the still oppressive heat, you shivered, feeling numb all the way down to your toes. A sudden burst of hot tears rimmed your eyes as you leaned against the sturdy bed frame for any amount of support you could get. Had you not learned anything at all? Oh god, how did you end up here for the third time in just over a year? 

A shuddering breath passed through your lips, only exemplified by the pain- although still slight- present in your chest. The persistent tightness felt as if someone had reached inside of your body and held a firm grasp on your heart just to control the blood flow. When did it get so hard to breathe? You tried to sit up, one hand covering your chest as if the mere presence of it would do anything to calm your anxiety. A disgusting mix of tears and snot was descending down the planes of your face, but there was nothing you could possibly do to stop them other than wiping your shirt vaguely over your skin. You couldn’t keep going like this and clapped a hand over your mouth in an attempt to stifle your hiccuped cries. If you cried any louder, you ran the risk of Soobin hearing and coming to check on you like a doting boyfriend. 

Boyfriend. Damn Choi Soobin and his increasingly boyfriend-like tendencies. That’s what had gotten you into this mess to begin with. How many gentle touches and thoughtful gestures could one girl take before she actually busted at the seams? You poured your heart out to him so early on that you’d allowed him and his actions to become so amplified in your head that you honest to god started to fall in love. The realization made you shudder. You were in love with Choi Soobin, and as much as you wanted to ignore it, the flowers prickling the inside of your chest made that impossible. You thought you knew better than to ever feel this way again, yet here you were, clinging to your last shreds of sanity as yet another unsuspecting roommate waited downstairs. 

Anger cropped up in your chest like weeds growing through gravel; dislodging the weighty feeling of despair that had just sent you for a tailspin. Your body was still shuddering, hands quaking as you finally made it into your bathroom and turned the shower to a heat that was wildly inappropriate for the weather. Despite the absurdity, you felt that you needed to feel the heat. You needed the type of pain that came with showering in water a bit too hot. The encasing, slowly rising hurt of scalding water that leaves your skin a bit raw to the touch felt like just punishment for the hell you’d landed yourself in again. Sniffling subsided, you stepped under the heated spray and got to work washing the day off of your skin.

----

By the time you were out of the shower, you were still at a loss for a way to contend with your newfound ailment. On one hand, you could just up and disappear from the town, creeping out in the middle of the night and continuing your aimless drive across the country. But something about that idea made your heart wrench in sadness. The thought of Soobin waking up in the morning to find you absent from the house without even the slightest indication of why you left made you feel sick to your stomach. You couldn’t do that to him. On the other hand, you could be honest and confess your feelings; tell Soobin that you had fallen in love with him and as a result have found yourself stuck in an incurable situation. 

But that was terrifying. What would he say? As much as you thought you knew him, who were you to assume he wouldn’t admonish or shame you? And facing the fact that he surely didn’t like you back? You’d rather not. 

So instead you dressed yourself and bounded down the steps to meet Soobin in the living room. You would simply pretend that nothing was wrong, work on distancing yourself and extinguishing your emotions until summer ended and you could leave without raising suspicion. As you descended the stairs, you caught sight of Soobin sprawled out on the sectional, bottle of water in hand...shirtless. You cursed under your breath and pivoted on your foot to escape back upstairs and pretend you were just feeling sick; but the sound of the staircase gave you away. Soobin’s head popped up at the noise, and as he made excited eye contact you knew there was no other choice but to drag yourself downstairs. 

“Hey, look! I set up both units down here and it already feels so much better,” he smiled lazily from his position on the couch. As you approached, you could see that had one of the units placed directly in front of where he was laying with his perfectly sculpted, honey toned torso on full display. Your mind reeled at the thought of how soft yet firm his chest must feel, and the way his slender figure could so easily-- a punch of pain in your chest had you righting yourself and swallowing down a wave of nausea. Soobin cocked his head at your behavior but you realized the look as simple concern. On a normal day, you would have come up with some kind of creative jibe about his staring, but today you simply gave him a small smile and sat down on the slippery leather cushion. 

If he noticed your change in behavior, he didn’t mention it; or more likely he just chalked it up to your earlier incident. Silently, he slid the remote your way as the sound of the small AC unit melted more into the category of background noise. You started up the show the two of you had started together and slumped into the couch, careful to angle your body away from his. 

After a few minutes, it became clear that you still weren’t in the right head space to pay attention to something as trivial as the comedy flashing on the opposite wall, so you picked up your phone with the intent of doing some research. Feelings squashed or not, you knew you would need to locate a hospital that could do a removal surgery for you. Provided you could time your exit from the house right, you could get surgery at someplace on the way to whatever your next destination would be. 

As soon as you opened the browser, your phone alerted you that the network was down. Soobin had previously warned you that due to the location of the house, both data and wifi had a tendency to shit out at a moment’s notice. The knowledge that even your phone had to be complicated today sent your mind reeling in an unwanted direction. God, you needed a break. 

The garden stood just outside the window as a reminder of calm, serene beauty that you needed so badly right now. For as many times as you’d gazed down at the flora; you never failed to find a new detail to captivate you. In the light of the descending sun, you caught sight of a thriving patch of lilacs. Odd. Lilacs were your grandmother’s favorite flower, and you could have sworn they only bloomed in April or May. But then again, what did you actually know about flowers? With Soobin and his green thumb, it shouldn’t come as too much of a shock that he was able to make a patch of lilac grow in early July. 

“Hey,” Soobin’s voice shook the thought right out of your mind, “it’s almost 6, are you hungry?” It was obvious that he was still treading on thin ice around you, and a small part of you really appreciated that. Another larger part of you hated the way his care and concern made the walls you were trying to put up crumble to the ground. 

“Yeah, I could eat,” you took a second to think, “actually I could use something to drink.” Soobin cracked a smile at that, putting his perfect teeth on display between plump lips. 

“Well, I’ve got a liquor cabinet I haven’t touched in a bit.”

“Really? The whole time I’ve been here and you never even mentioned that?” You had thrown your idea of distancing yourself into the wind. That could always start up tomorrow morning. 

“I wasn’t sure how you’d feel, but judging by the look on your face, I’m about to find out.”

“Yep!” You were already making your way to the kitchen to open every single cabinet in search of exactly what you were looking for. A cabinet stocked full of every single liquor you dreamed of drinking in your freshmen year of college. Unbeknownst to you, Soobin was watching on as you began to place heavy bottles onto the counter, giggling like a kid in a candy shop. 

----

How much time had passed since Soobin arrived home with a bag of greasy food from the diner you had visited on your very first day in town was a mystery to you. All you knew was that your rum and cokes- which had become progressively more rum than coke- were perfectly soothing all of the trouble you’d been through today. As you shakily mixed your fifth drink of the night, Soobin loudly expressed his concerns. 

“I think you’ve had enough, Y/N,” he laughed as you growled at the twist lid of the soda bottle that was giving you grief. He reached over your shoulder easily, laying his larger hand on top of yours. “I’m serious, you’ve had enough. You’re drunk.” The steely edge of his voice that you had heard for the first time earlier in the day when you whacked yourself over the head was back. For some reason, it made your blood boil. You could feel Soobin everywhere. His breath was ghosting over your hair, cascading down the smoothed skin of your neck in a way that made you flinch. His chest was only a few inches away from your back, and given the heat that the alcohol already had rolling off of you in waves, his extra warmth was not needed. Even his scent felt like it was choking you, rolling into your nose and slightly open mouth until even the smell of the open rum became a mere after note to the sharply contrasted cedar wood and citrus scent that felt like it was crawling down your throat and right to the spot in your chest where you were aching the most. 

“Get off of me,” you grumbled, yanking your covered hand away from the soda bottle. The movement made it teeter precariously as Soobin fumbled to hold it upright. 

“Jesus, Y/N. You almost spilled that!” 

“Whatever, Soobin,” you had made your escape from his vicinity, but you just couldn’t push down the suffocating feeling of his presence as you stood in the middle of the living room on wobbly legs. 

“Don’t be like this just because I’m cutting you off,” he approached you slowly, as if you were some kind of wounded animal that needed rescued. “You’ll wake up feeling like shit tomorrow if you keep drinking.” 

“I’m not just being like this ‘cause you’re cuttin’ me off-” you paused to gather your thoughts- “And I’ll still feel like shit tomorrow morning no matter what!” 

“Okay, just because two drinks would make you feel bad in the morning doesn’t mean you should have-”

“I would wake up feeling like shit even if I didn’t drink! I just feel like shit, Soobin!” 

“Y/N,” he took a single step forward, and you took a matching one backwards. He frowned deeply, lines forming on his forehead as you showed physical distrust in him. 

“Don’t,” the word barely escaped, shaky and quiet as the alcohol mixed with your hidden pains to overflow the dam of your mind. 

“Don’t touch me, please. Don’t even-” you coughed, chest contracting painfully, “come near me. I can’t trust you.” 

“You can’t trust me?” Soobin was raging instantly, fists balled at his sides and jaw clenched until you could see veins throbbing. “I let you live here, no questions asked. You rolled into town; no plan for anything so I gave you a home and a job! All out of the kindness of my own heart, I may add! You have gotten almost everything you’ve ever wanted since you got here, and you have the audacity to say you don’t trust me? What have you been doing the last six weeks, then? The first night when you spilled your heart out to me? What was all of that? I trust you, Y/N. Why can’t you say the same for me?” A solitary tear- born from anger or upset, you weren’t sure- rolled down Soobin’s heated skin.

The pain in your chest had become more persistent under the stress of his words, and you actually had to gasp for air as you swore you could feel the flowers growing an inch. 

“I just can’t!” You felt childish under his glare, stuck and unsure of what to say. “Opening up to you was a mistake. I came here out of desperation, you know that! I regret telling you about myself. I regret coming here. I regret ever knowing you.” To anyone outside of your body, you must have seemed perfectly sober. On the inside, your vision was swirling and swimming as you struggled to keep focused on the man across the room. “I can’t sit around the house and pretend that I’m not..” Soobin looked at you expectantly. 

“You’re not what, Y/N? What?” His voice rose and shook more with every question as he advanced on you. You felt terrifyingly like a flighty deer being stalked by a streamlined wolf. 

“That I’m not making the same god damn mistake I did before! That I can’t stop spending my free time trying to figure out why this house is so god damn confusing, or how you’re able to grow so many different flowers totally out of season!” His face became cold and stoic but he didn’t stop you. Instead, he watched on silently with intensified eyes. 

“I can’t pretend that I’m not in l-” a harsh roll of your stomach killed the words on the tip of your tongue. While for a moment it seemed like some kind of higher power had gifted you with the restraint your intoxicated mind lacked, you soon felt differently. Your whole world spun as you gagged; the telltale taste of vomit sitting at the back of your throat as you fumbled for the nearest bathroom. Luckily you were familiar enough with the layout of the house to launch yourself onto the floor in front of a toilet before emptying the contents of your stomach. 

Rum burns even more coming up your throat than going down, you decided. The mix of alcohol and the greasy diner food you had ingested when the night was still young made your eyes water violently. In between rolls of your stomach, you laid your forehead on the cool porcelain of the toilet and indulged in the darkness behind your closed eyes. The relief only lasted a few seconds before you were hurling again. This time you produced much less vomit, but there was an incessant tickle in your throat that threw you into a fit of dry heaves. The sound of yourself bounced off the walls just to mock you. 

When you were able to open your eyes again, you examined the damage. Mostly to be sure that you hadn’t puked over the side of the bowl; but also partly to see if your suspicions were correct. Staring back at you from the mix of nondescript upchuck was a smattering of wide, red petals that gently faded into white at the bottom.

Although you were done actively puking, a new roll of tears filled your eyes as everything caught up to you. From the doorway, you heard Soobin clear his throat. In a hurry, you reached up to flush all of your offensive excretions before he could spot the real reason for your anger and adjacent need to drink yourself stupid.

“I brought you uh, a washcloth,” he stuck his hand toward you but made no attempt to step closer, obviously wounded by your earlier comments. 

“Thanks,” you winced at the acrid taste lingering in your mouth as you reached for the cool cloth to wipe at your mouth. Soobin stepped back from the door but you had a feeling he was still lingering outside in the hallway. 

You laid your head back on the cool seat of the toilet; alcohol and despair rushing to your head all at once. What the hell were you going to do now?

[psychewithwings]

Love Bakugo: Pt 4 A New Perspective

Think of a man who done you wrong and input his name for the  ____  (that’s the shit boyfriend’s name)

He had known that Y/n had been good friends with Bakugo in there UA days but he hadn’t been aware how close. She was working for his agency now and he couldn’t believe it. Not to mention, her first day working there had been the exact same day that his embarrassing high school year book photo was flashed at the staff meeting. Of all days, the day his girlfriend started working there. Maybe it was a good thing, a distraction so she wouldn’t catch on to his deceptions. It was horribly embarrassing that he had to confess to his boss that it was actually him. “You don’t look like this guy…” Bakugo had said. Which made it all the worse, the explanation of the nose job and all. He shut the door to the bathroom in his apartment softly behind him and pulled out his phone, ‘I miss you, call me’ He instantly felt calm seeing the text. ‘actually can I come over, we need to talk’ ‘of course’      ‘bring wine ;)’

_____ went into his ringtones and pressed the demo for his work calling ring tone. As soon as the sound stopped, he spoke. “Hello?” he said, and waited the appropriate amount of time to make the fake phone call sound convincing. “I can’t believe it, gosh he’s been here 2 weeks and- I’ll be right over.” ____ grabbed his coat and rushed into the living room. His girlfriend was curled on the couch reading a book. “Hey, work emergency, I think I’ll have to go out for a while...”  She looked up from her reading. “Oh what happened? Is everything okay?” she asked concerned. He shook his head, “it’s fine, there’s just something wrong with the engines on some of the new jet packs and we’re gonna be doing the demo tomorrow. For a corporation who might want to distribute them to hero’s world wide.” He smiled, as he watched her eyes widen in surprise. She broke out into a grin, “wow that’s amazing! you’re so smart _____.” He wished that were true now that she seemed so impressed with him. “That’s a huge achievement,” her eyes narrowed, “why didn’t you tell me?” He was kicking himself now for trying to impress her. He could have just left it at ‘presentation tomorrow’. Fuck. Looking at her now he got the feeling he always got when he looked at her long enough, the feeling that she was too good for him, the feeling that she would one day realise this and that one day she would leave him. “I’ve just been working so hard, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” She smiled, “ I understand, but it really hurts my feelings when you leave me out of these parts of your life...” She paused then and look up at him with a gentle expression, “I can’t help but feel you’ve been distant lately...” Does she know? Am I caught? Fuck. “I’m sorry, work has just been really out of control lately with these new recruits,” he said hoping that she would buy it. She nodded her head slowly. “Just be honest with me...” He froze. Oh god, she did know, she knew everything, or maybe she suspected. Part of him hated himself for lying and the other part of him loved the thrill.  “Is this about me working with Katsuki?” It absolutely was about her working with Bakugo. _____ hated that she said his first name so casually like that. Katsuki. Katsuki. Ugh! But she looked guilty, like she felt bad. “No, honey, it’s just a work thing, nothing to do with you at all.” She nodded, “okay, I just wanted to make sure...” _____ grasped her shoulder, “I love you, nothing you say or do could ever change that,” he said before grabbing his keys and heading out the door. And he meant it.

He picked cheap bottles of Chardonnay and Rosé from ‘buy one get one half off’ shelf at a liquor store that was on the way to her apartment. UA was visible as he exited from the fluorescent store. He cursed UA for brining Bakugo together with Y/n.

The elevator doors opened to a long hallway with a single door at the end. _____ knocked their special knock, and the door opened a few moments later. “Hi Echo,” he said taking her in. She was wearing his shirt and a pair of underwear, her hair pulled on top of her head in a messy bun. She was pretty, in an ordinary sort of way. Her features were all aesthetically pleasing, but there was nothing unique or special about them. Her quirk was similar. Everyone called her Echo, and always had, even though that wasn’t her real name at all. She had the ability to make anyone repeat what she said as long as she was looking at the person, and they heard what she said. “Oh you did bring wine!” she said as she pulled him towards her couch. She set the bag down in her chair and climbed into _____’s lap as soon as he sat down. She began to kiss his face. “I missed you,” she said and went back to her kisses. _____ kissed her back but hesitantly. “I missed you too,” he said in between kisses. “I really do want to talk though,” he said trying to get on track. “About what?” She hummed against his mouth questioning the type of talking that he would be doing. “I’m serious,” he said and Echo pulled back looking at him with big innocent eyes. “It’s about Y/n, she’s working with Bakugo,”_____ said waiting for her reaction. A big smile crossed Echo’s face. “I know, it’s amazing! Bakugo is a great boss. A little bit brash but he’s amazing. I’m so happy for her!” Echo went back to affections leaving _____ confused and slightly frustrated. “But that’s bad, because you’re going to be working with her too.” Echo furrowed her brow, not liking _____’s tone. “Duhhh, it’s not like I’m gonna say anything to her about us... It was just nice to meet her. She’s an amazing hero,” Echo said. Yes, Y/n was that for sure. “Wait… you met her?” Echo nodded, “yup, she’s just as lovely as everyone says she is,” Echo giggled then wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to look ather. “But you love me more right?” she asked. He didn’t know what to say, he loved Y/n but he loved how Echo made him feel more. He decided it would be best to change the subject. “But we have to be sneakier than usual and probably no more fun in the office anymore.” Echo groaned, “you’re such a kill joy,” she leaned close to his ear, “isn’t the almost getting caught the most fun? She had a point there. _____ took off his shirt and reached for Echos but she stopped him. “Now what do you have to say to me?” she questioned. _____ was silent, he wasn’t sure. “I love you Echo,” she said. “I love you Echo,” _____ said.

Work emergency? Work emergency your fucking ass. Why couldnt you see it before? You thought about that a lot. Ever since Katsuki told you your boyfriend was a big fat cheater the signs were so obvious. As soon as _____ left you’d called Katsuki letting him know the plans were a go. You pulled on some black yoga pants and a black sweat shirt. You grabbed the $50 that you stole from ____’s wallet and went outside to meet Katsuki. He was waiting in front of your building in his car. You hopped in the passenger seat, “hey, you wanna get ice cream after this? My treat,” you said holding out the fifty. Katsuki began to drive towards his agency. “Would love to get ice cream after, but you’re paying for nothing.” You brushed your fingers against the collar of your shirt. “Well, it’s not my money,” you said giving him an impish smirk. Katsuki shifted gears, “in that case…”

As Katsuki parked on the top floor of the parking deck, you felt defeated. There weren’t any other cars in the garage, except the van for the midnight cleaning service. Part of you, an idiot part of you, had hoped that possibly, maybe, your boyfriend’s car would be there. That it really was a work emergency. That Bakugo had made a terrible mistake and it wasn’t him after all. It was another close colleague that happened to look just like him. The worst part was how stupid you felt that you even hoped that was a possibility. You could feel tears welling in your eyes. But you pushed them back with your palms. “Hey, let’s go- wh-what’s wrong?” Bakugo was standing with his face pressed against the glass. “I-I’m fine!” you said a little too enthusiastically as you got out of the car. “If you don’t want to do this anymore…” You shook your head and walked through the doors.

It was 3 floors of installing cameras in and around closets, stairwells, and locker rooms, and offices later that Bakugo said something other than a few gruff instructions about drill assembly. He was standing on a ladder, but stepped down a few rungs to look at you. “I need to ask you something and I was gonna wait for a good time but, doesn’t seem like there will be a good one for a while…” he paused, was he scared? “Did you ever read the letter?” Your heart dropped, “Katsuki I-“ He nodded his head slowly to himself, “so you did huh?” He went back to installing the tiny camera in the ceiling vent. “I didn’t know what to do with it, no one had ever been so nice to me-“ “Listen, I said in the letter it was fine, I just would have liked an answer, ya know, back then.” He didn’t sound angry, which was somewhat comforting, but he sounded sad, which was way worse. “I know,” it was all you could say.  

You finished installing the cameras together. You tried making things lighter again by reminiscing about UA, it helped but there was still a lingering sadness between the two of you. After drilling in the last screw, for the last camera, Katsuki climbed down the ladder. Maybe it was seeing a tall strong man holding power tools, maybe it was that this super tough man just finished another 2 hours of doing a favor for you, but something took over you. You grabbed his waist and held him close to you. You could feel the tears again but didn’t have the strength to push them back. You didn’t have the strength to lie to yourself or to him anymore and the truth bubbled out of you like silver water from a fountain. “I wish I’d picked you. I would have been so much happier. And I’m so sorry that it’s taken me so long to figure that out and I know it’s too late now…” He didn’t say ‘it’s okay’ because it wasn’t and you knew that. You’d fucked up by not responding to what he had written so long ago.

He drove you back to your house, “I really can’t thank you enough, there aren’t words…” He smiled and brushed his fingertips against your hand. You got out of the car, wrapping your arms around yourself, guilt seeping deep into your whole self. “Hey Y/n,” he’d gotten out of his car and the look in his eye was determined. “It’s not too late, unless you want it to be.” It what? You stuttered something back, frozen where you stood. He approached you and before he could reach you, something lit up in you. You were so fucking in love with Katsuki it wasn’t even funny. You ran to him, and kissed him. For the second time in your life, but the first where you initiated it. You’d wondered for years if the movies got anything right… It wasn’t until now you understood why some people say ‘like fireworks’. As he pulled away you realized there was a lot you had to do to prove yourself to him after practically ignoring the letter. Actually, it was time you reread it…

Tag List: @rebel---black​ @random-fandom-girl-24​ @unawi13-blog​

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Crush

The reader is an actress and meets Sebastian at a wrap party. Fortunately, they both have something in common; they have a crush on each other. 

-

           You woke up to the sound of your roommate and co-star, Tom, walking into the apartment you were sharing. You’d spent most of the day moping because you’d finally wrapped all of your scenes for Far From Home, and you were missing it already. You didn’t have many scenes with him, but Jake was the definition of crazy and you could have used some of that. Tom was already your best friend, and your roommate, so you always saw enough of him. And tonight was maybe the last time you were going to see everyone together; it was the wrap party and you weren’t sure you could even fit into your dress because you were so bloated from eating ice cream all day.

           “What’s wrong with you?” Tom asked, looking you up and down. You shrugged, looking over at the pint of ice cream and bowl of popcorn you’d left sitting on the coffee table.

           “Just moping,” you responded.

           “Well, stop. Get ready for the party and we can pregame.” You scoffed. You didn’t usually drink copious amounts of alcohol, but maybe tonight was the night. “Please? I don’t want to be the drunk one.”

           “Whatever,” you responded as you sat up. You cleaned up your mess before taking a shower, doing your hair and makeup, and getting into your dress. It was a little slutty, but you had been feeling confident when you got it because you were training at that point. You looked damn good in it, too, and there was one person you had your eyes on. Sebastian Stan, the guy who played Bucky. You’d met him a few times, but only in passing. You’d never had a conversation with him, but from everything you’d heard he was sweet. You were probably sweet to him, just a kid, but if you said you didn’t like him, you’d be lying. You had a hard crush on him, and while Tom had figured it out and insisted you ask him out, you’d refused. You didn’t know him, first of all. There was no way he would go out with someone so young. That, and your best friend was Tom. He was all but a brother, and contrary to popular belief he could be intimidating to anyone who got you home too late at night.

           “Ow!” Tom marveled as you walked out. “Now that’s what I’m talking about! Thank God, you look amazing.”

           “You’re supposed to tell me I’m always pretty,” you frowned.

           “You’re always pretty. Now come on, let’s go.” You grabbed your fully charged phone, your purse, and walked out of the apartment with Tom. He dragged you to two liquor stores before finding what he wanted, and then you Ubered over to Jake’s house. It was eccentric, to say the least. Like him. He was cool, though. You loved having him around.

           You drank the least out of both of them, worried about throwing up because of course Tom had to get tequila, and just sat back and laughed as they were their stupid selves. Finally the alarm on Jake’s phone sounded and another car picked you up to head over to the venue. You vaguely recognized some of the other actors, never really having met them since you weren’t in the other films. You finally saw Sebastian, standing with Anthony, and tried to come up with a reason to talk to him. You must have watched him for two or three minutes out of the corner of your eye before you saw him go up to the bar, probably to get more drinks.

           “Oh, can you get me one?” Tom asked when you muttered that you were going.

           “I’m going to shoot my shot, but maybe on the way back, big guy.” You pat his shoulder and walked toward the bar, ID in hand. You looked like a high schooler to anyone that knew you from movies, because you often played them. But with real makeup on you turned your actual age, and you could only hope that was going to serve you well tonight.

           “Oh, hey!” Sebastian said to you as you walked up to the bar, taking a seat at the counter. “You’re playing MJ, right?”

           “Yeah,” you responded with a smile. “I promise I’m old enough to drink.” He chuckled.

           “I believe you. I’m not so sure these guys will, though. I’m Sebastian, by the way. I played Bucky, with the hair.”

           “Didn’t recognize you without the fake arm and the face mask,” you said. “I, Tonya was a fucking masterpiece. By the way.”

           “That mustache never looked good on me, I don’t think. But it was such a good thing to work on, especially after doing all of these action movies. It was really fun.”

           “Oh, definitely. I’m doing an indie movie this summer and I can not wait to get a break from the action.” You continued a quick conversation until the bartender pulled you out of it, asking for your drink order. You went with a vodka cranberry, your usual, and noticed that Sebastian only got one beer for himself.

           “I’ll tell you what, I hate these things sometimes,” Sebastian said as he watched a room full of people that were only familiar to those who worked on the movie would know. “It’s like, thanks for inviting me, I know three people. Not that I’m not grateful, but…”

           “I know what you mean,” you interrupted. “I spent half the afternoon pre-gaming with Tom and Jake and I kind of just want to go to Waffle House and go to bed.” Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

           “That’s a thing? People in Atlanta actually, like, go to Waffle House?” You actually laughed out loud at that one.

           “Duh! I grew up in Florida and they’re definitely the best drunk food around. I was so sad when I moved to New York and couldn’t get any.” 

           Long story short, you and Sebastian talked most of the night. You even did shots together when Robert offered to pay for one for everyone. You spoke to Tom for a minute as he was getting another drink, but he saw you with Sebastian and excused himself back to where he was talking with Jacob and Harrison.

           “I thought they’d have more food,” Sebastian said quietly after a second of silence. “I’m half drunk and starving. This might be weird to ask, but do you want to go to Waffle House?” In ten minutes you’d both left the party and were on the way to get the best drunk food there could possibly be. You sat down in a corner booth that you and Tom often sat in on nights when you were just too excited to film the next day and couldn’t sleep.

           “I have to confess something,” Sebastian said as he was destroying a plate of hash browns a few minutes later. You looked up at him, stopping pouring the syrup all over your waffle. “I thought you were intimidating. Until I talked to you.”

           “That’s what everyone says! I don’t understand why because I literally look like a child.” He laughed.

           “No, you’re gorgeous. You just look like you could kill someone if they look at you the wrong way. And I respect that. You’re cool.”

           “Then I have something to confess.” Maybe it was the vodka and the tequila making decisions for you, but you were going to shoot your shot. If it ended up that he thought it was dumb, you could just turn it into a joke and take a bite of your waffle.

           “What might that be?” He wiped his hands on a napkin and waited. You looked away for a second, seeing a text on your phone from Tom asking where the hell you were.

           “I kind of have, like, a massive crush on you. It’s literally the dumbest thing ever, I’m twelve.” You drank a sip of water, waiting for an answer. Instead you got a grin from Sebastian. Those stupid, perfect lips were turned into a smile and his face was slightly flushed because he was still a little buzzed and he looked absolutely adorable.

           “It’s not dumb. I think I might have a crush on you, too. This doesn’t count as a first date, though, does it?”

           “It’s Waffle House, it’s basically a five star restaurant.” He sat back on the bench, thinking about something, and then responded. “Are you sure you want someone who can barely drink legally, though?”

           “You’re cool, that’s all I care about. You’re pretty and funny and I have a massive crush on you.” He turned your own words against you, and you couldn’t help but smile. “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

           “Nothing,” you responded.

           “Then, if that’s okay with you, I’d like to put this crush to the test and take you out.”

           “I’d like that.” You looked down at your food and continued eating, glad that you’d finally told him you liked him. You couldn’t have imagined your night ending that way, but it did. Once Sebastian begged you to let him pay for the food he had sobered up enough to go back to the venue and get his car.

           “I can get an Uber, you really don’t have to drive all the way across town.”

           “I want to,” he replied with a smile on his face. So you got in and he drove you home. You groaned at the sight of a light still on in the apartment, knowing that Tom was about to grill you about where you’d been and why you’d abandoned him. “I’ll walk you up. It’s dark.”

           “Thanks.” He opened your door for you and let you lead him down to the apartment, where you stopped at the lobby. “I literally don’t even have your phone number.”

           “Oh, you’re right, hold on.” In a minute he’d Airdropped you his phone number and sent you a text just to make sure it went through. “I’ll text you. God, that sounds so lame. Is that what kids these days say?”

           “Yeah, pretty much. Thanks for walking me back up. Drive safe.”

           “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You were in absolute heaven when you turned around and walked into the lobby of the apartment, and just to make sure he was okay you watched him walk back to his car. He drove away a minute later and you turned to go to the elevator.

           “Where have you been?” Tom asked loudly, as soon as you walked into the apartment. “I was freaking out! Your location just said you were at Waffle House, but you didn’t respond, so I thought your phone got stolen or you died or…” He was definitely still half-drunk, you decided, when he stumbled over his words and his voice broke.

           “I was with Sebastian,” you explained. Tom smiled.

           “So you told him about…”

           “Yep. I told him I have a crush on him and he said the same thing. We’re going out tomorrow night.”

           “That’s my girl!” Tom high-fived you and giggled his way through the rest of the night. As you turned to your phone, you saw it light up with a text from Sebastian.

           Pick you up tomorrow at 7??

           Definitely.

A/N: I loved writing this one so I hope you like it too!!! A date with Seb would be 🥺🥺

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Out Of The Way (Part 2)

Summary: When the reader’s boyfriend ditches her on the side of the road, she ends up at an out of the way bar and roadhouse where the man behind the counter makes her an interesting offer…

Part 1

Pairing: Bartender!Dean x au!reader

Word Count: 2,800ish

Warnings: language, slight angst

_______

“Your new bartender makes a mean manhattan,” said some guy at the bar. You were wiping down a table after a few guys had left, Dean chuckling from behind the counter.

“You just think she’s got a cuter face than mine, Jim,” said Dean. 

“It’s good you got some help. You could use another pair of hands,” said Jim. You felt his gaze on you as you bent down to pick up a coaster.

“Hey,” said Dean. “This ain’t Hollow’s Point. You want that kind of service-”

“I’m just looking,” he said.

“Keep it at just looking or she’ll kick you ass,” said Dean. You smirked as you carried back the empty bottles to the kitchen area and washed them out, setting them in the recycle bin. You hummed as you walked back out front with a bottle of Jack, Dean just setting the empty one in his hand down on the bottom shelf. “Reading my mind there.”

“You worked in bars before, sweetheart?” asked Jim.

“Done a lot of things, sweetheart,” you said, spotting a hand wave from a corner table. “Excuse me.”

“I should have hired you sooner,” chuckled Dean from his office after closing as you set the cleaning supplies back in the closet there. “We got a lot more tips this week. A lot.”

“Drunk men like to look at women. Some things never change,” you said. Dean nodded and took an envelope out from a drawer in his desk. He held it out and you grabbed it. You peeked inside and looked up. “This is more than we agreed to.”

“Well it ain’t like you’re paying taxes on it. You’re good. Clean, serve, keep everyone happy. You keep tabs on inventory. You earned it,” he said. “And here is your half of the tips.”

“I can’t take half,” you said as he set half the wad of cash down in front of you.

“We pool tips here and once again, these boys aren’t tipping to look at my pretty face all night long,” he said. You grabbed the money and shoved it in the envelope, tucking it in your back pocket. “I’m heading into Southbend in the morning if you want to stop into town and pick anything up.”

“I’m okay,” you said, turning out of his office. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Morning,” said Dean as he carried in a few grocery bags.

“Morning,” you said, eating some toast at the bartop.

“You ever eat anything aside from toast and eggs?” he asked, setting the bags down.

“It’s cheap,” you said, taking another bite.

“Yeah well, happy birthday,” he said, pulling out a pink box and setting it on the bartop. You flipped it open and saw a cupcake inside. “It is your birthday today, isn’t it?”

“I haven’t celebrated my birthday in years,” you said, staring at the thing.

“Well, celebrate it. Feel free to store some actual food in the kitchen too,” he said, grabbing his bags. 

“Hey, Dean?” you said when he got to the stairs to go up to his apartment. “Thank you.”

“Happy birthday, Y/N,” he said with a smile.

Fifteen minutes later he was downstairs, watching you sweep up the floor. He popped behind the bar and sat up on the counter, giving you a smile.

“It’s Sunday. Let’s do something fun,” he said. 

“Fun?” you said, tucking the broom back in the corner.

“We aren’t allowed to sell alcohol on Sunday’s around here. It’s our day off. Either we can hang around here and make this place even cleaner than it already is, or we can go have some fun,” he said.

“I prefer to keep a low profile,” you said.

“Come on. I got a perfect idea.”

“You like fishing?” he asked as you sat on the end of a quiet dock.

“I haven’t been since I was little,” you said. “You?”

“Yeah. I like fishing,” he said. It was quiet a few minutes aside from him reeling every so often. “I used to go a lot with my dad and brother.”

“How long have you been pretending?” you asked.

“Five years, like you,” he said. “Too late to say I’m innocent now.”

“Yeah. I get that,” you said.

“The guy, he was your boyfriend right?” asked Dean.

“Yeah. He cheated on me with this married woman. It was her husband that did it. I know it was. But she vouched for him and gave him an alibi,” you said.

“You didn’t have one so you got the short end of it,” he said.

“My DNA was all over the apartment. It was our kitchen knife so my fingerprints were on it. I was fucked,” you said.

“Did you forgive him?” he asked.

“For the cheating, no. I didn’t wish him dead though. He didn’t deserve that,” you said.

“You’re a good person,” said Dean. You reeled in your line and set it beside you, Dean giving you a smile. “For a fugitive.”

“What about you? No alibi either?” you asked.

“I was set up by a crooked cop,” he said. “He killed a guy he was having a problem with and tried to pin it on me. This cop was selling confiscated drugs. He put the blame on me for the whole deal.”

“Why?”

“Because I was his rookie partner,” he said. You swallowed, Dean staring at you. “I ain’t been a cop in a long time. Good guys, bad guys. They’re both on both sides of the line. It don’t matter.”

“So you ran,” you said.

“Yup. Ran when my brother told me they had an airtight case. I was away for life in a shithole and as an ex-cop I’d be lucky to survive a week in a place like that. So we called our family friend and I ran to one of his hunting cabins. I hid there for awhile until he told me about a roadhouse bar he’d purchased, out in nowhere. I dyed my hair black and moved here. It’s a safe place,” he said.

“Life sucks sometimes,” you said.

“Yup,” he said. “I haven’t had an honest conversation in years. I had to cut off all ties to everyone. I’m sure you get that.”

“Yeah, I do,” you said. “If you were still a cop, would you have believed me?”

“I think so,” he said. “Gut feeling.”

“Thanks for the cupcake,” you said.

“You get me one for my birthday and we’re even,” he said. “January 24th.”

“Alright. Deal.”

Three Months Later

“Curly fries and whiskey straight,” you said, setting the items down in front of the older man at the bar, turning to the man with him. “Roadhouse nachos and tequila. You boys enjoy.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” said the first man, staring at you. You tilted your head, the other man standing up and pushing back his jacket, letting you see the Marshall’s badge on his hip. “We ain’t even working your case. Just heading home from another one when we see one of the runners serving us our drink.”

“Is there a problem here, fellas?” asked Dean as he walked over, throwing his arm over your shoulder.

“You regularly employee fugitives?” asked the one who was standing. Dean stared at him and burst out laughing. “Something funny about that boy?”

“Hallie? A criminal?” asked Dean. He looked at you and started to giggle. “This girl couldn’t even disect a frog in high school.”

“That ain’t no Hallie. It’s-”

“Uh, I think I know my best friend from school, buddy,” said Dean, narrowing his eyes. “The better question is what the hell are two cops doing trying to scare my girlfriend into leaving with them.”

“Hey. We weren’t-”

“Any fellas that try to force my girl to go with them ain’t welcome here,” said Dean.

“Listen kid-”

“Her name is Hallie,” said Dean. “I don’t know who the fuck Y/N is but I hope you two sickos don’t find her.”

“Where’s her liquor license to be serving?” asked the first one. Dean went to the wall behind the bar and grabbed a little picture frame off the shelf, shoving it on the counter.

There was a picture of you, Hallie Stormer, with a Tennessee certification.

The men looked at one another as you stood behind Dean.

“Well?” said Dean.

“Apologies. Ms. Stormer here looks an awful lot like one of our fugitives is all,” said the man. He pulled out his phone and showed over an old picture of you, Dean raising an eyebrow at it.

“Uh, not to tell you how to do your job but that don’t look like Hallie. At all. She ain’t even got the same color eyes,” said Dean. The men quickly looked at the picture and then you.

“He’s right about the eyes,” mumbled the one.

“Shit,” said the other one. 

“Now you two can apologize to my girlfriend and get out,” said Dean.

“Sorry miss,” they said before they slapped some money and left. You sighed and tucked the food back behind the counter, Jim watching from down the bar.

“We got a problem, Jim?” asked Dean.

“Nope,” he said. Dean gave him the free food and drinks, Jim watching as you leaned back against the counter. 

“You thought the colored contacts were dumb,” mumbled Dean.

“Is Jim gonna be a problem? He knows I’m Y/N,” you said.

“Take my car and head up to one of those hunting cabins for a few days. Lay low for awhile,” he said.

“Be careful,” you said, getting a kiss from him.

“You too, sweetheart.”

Three Days Later

“Morning,” said the minimart owner as he rang up your items. “On vacation?”

“Yeah, taking a few days to enjoy nature, get away from city life,” you said with a smile.

“That’s good. We don’t get too many young folks up here doing that sort of thing anymore,” he said. You hummed and looked at the TV in the corner, doing your best to hide your surprise when you saw Dean’s face on the screen. “Oh, you haven’t heard about that yet? Not surprising, not much cell reception up here. That boy is that killer cop they never caught from a few years back.”

“How’d they catch him?” you asked.

“Some bar or something. Some guy caught him lying or something,” he said as he handed over your change. 

“Thanks,” you said, taking your things and rushing out of there. You tossed them in the passenger seat and drove until even you didn’t know where you were. Until an idea crossed your mind that was.

“Y/N?” said Dean the next day. You smiled as he was led out of the police station, giving you a hug. “How...they said my charges were dropped.”

“The other cop confessed,” you said, a pair of officers nearby standing up. “I can be convincing...also I pointed the police in the way of his bank account and it was pretty obvious from there.”

“What about you?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you said, the officers flanking either side of you. “No such luck.”

“Y/N-”

“Hey. It was my fault they found you. I’m paying it forward. You can go home, be normal now,” you said.

“She didn’t do it,” said Dean to the officers.

“It’s alright,” you said as one put a hand on your arm to lead you in the back. “I’ll be okay, Dean.”

“Y/L/N,” said a guard a few hours later. You stood up from your bench, the door sliding open. You walked out and followed the officer, spotting a guy you didn’t recognize standing in the hall.

“You must be, Y/N. Sam Winchester,” he said. He held out his hand and you shook it.

“I thought your brother was tall,” you said, Sam smiling. “Let me guess. He put you up to this.”

“Ever hear of something called the Innocence Project?” he asked.

“Yeah. It’s where lawyers work pro bono for people that were wrongly convicted,” you said.

“Well, I called up a friend of mine in the DA’s office and presented my case file from college. There’s a glaring bit of lack of DNA testing on samples that does not look good for that local department. He’s willing to let you out on bond in the meantime, with supervision,” he said. 

“What’s that mean?” you asked as he waved you to follow.

“It means you’re sharing my guest room with my brother for the foreseeable future but something tells me you won’t have a problem with that.”

“This thing itches,” you said, scratching at your ankle that night as Dean set down a box of pizza in front of you. “Thanks for busting me out.”

“Anytime,” he said, Sam walking in through the front door looking very tired. “How’s it going?”

“The wife and husband from Y/N’s case are going through a nasty divorce right now. I’m going to call tomorrow, see if she’ll flip on him for immunity. That along with DNA evidence should get you in the clear. You might even get a small settlement,” said Sam.

“I really hope so. I don’t think I’ll do well in prison,” you said.

“It’ll be alright,” said Dean as he took a seat and rubbed your arm. “We’ll get through it. We always do.”

One Month Later

“Alright,” said Marshall Bradshaw. “Your 100 hours of community service are up kid.”

“I didn’t even break a law,” you said, peeling off your orange vest and chucking it in the back of his truck.

“You kind of did with the whole evading the police thing,” he chuckled. “You’re lucky that judge liked you. He could have sentenced you for running off.”

“I don’t get a record for all this?” you asked.

“Still no record. Come on, I’m sure you want to get back to that boyfriend of yours,” he said.

Two hours later you were dropped off and gave the Marshall a wave, popping into the roadhouse bar to have Dean come over and give you a hug.

“All done,” you said. “I can come home now.”

“You know, now that I actually have access to my bank account again, that family friend offered to sell me this place if I wanted to run it,” he said.

“I have one condition,” you said. 

“Anything. It’s our bar,” he said.

“I want to hire a chef, have it be a restaurant too. Trust me, this is the only joint for miles and we could make a killing serving something besides bar food,” you said.

“You really want to run a bar with me?” he asked.

“Us criminals have to stick together,” you giggled.

“Yes, we do,” said Dean, watching a pair of Marshall’s walk in the door. “Gentlemen.”

“Hallie,” said one with a smirk. “We get those drinks this time around?”

“On the house,” said Dean as he took off.

“Hey,” said the other one as he waved you over. “The eyes thing, how’d you pull that off?”

“Colored contact lenses,” you said. “Not cheap but effective.”

“We’re gonna have to remember that one,” he said.

“I’ll get you guys some food too,” you said. You headed back for the kitchen, Dean whistling as he was pulling a fresh tray of ice from the freezer. “Think we could make something of this place?”

“I’m game if you are,” he said. “We could always runaway again.”

“Nah. I’m done running. This was the first place that felt like home in a long time. I want to stay.”

“Me too, sweetheart. Me too.”

______

[notasiren21]

Lukanette 24, 86. First day at university/college?

Hell yea bud I gotchu (even tho I have classes in the morning and finished this af 4AM but lol idc)

Rootbeer Floats & Milkshakes

Rating: Teen basically

Pairing: Lukanette

Word count: 3,839

Prompt(s): (24) “Wanna go grab a drink?” & (86)”Don’t be scared, I’m right here.”

Characters: Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain Cheng, Ayla Cessaire

Description:

Marinette’s first day at university comes with a surprise planned by a certain quiet girl off somewhere else for school and her best friend/roommate Ayla. It’s been two years since Luka and Marinette last saw each other and inner thoughts get spilled and fluff takes place.

So many boxes.

That’s all there was to it. There were too many boxes she had carried up and unpacked between her and Ayla that filled their new university dorm room.

In fact, she was almost certain there was a god out there when a student happened by saying he was taking spare boxes to store away for a later time.

She collapsed onto her bed, black high waisted skirt spanning the mattress and covers, pink silk blouse hanging off one shoulder. An arm carefully draped across her face to avoid makeup, lips parting in an exaggerated moan of exhaustion.

“You alright there, girl?” Ayla snickered, folding her clothes and swatting Marinette’s thigh to get her to move.

“If by alright you mean, questioning my life choices and events that led me to here and disdain for being limited to colleges because of my other persona needing to be here for an akuma, then yes. I’m alright.”

Ayla whistled lowly, “Damn, bug. And here I was, worrying about that small thing called tuition and student loans.”

The bluenette sat up in a huff, leaning against the wall with eyes closed rubbing at her forehead.

“Right, that. God, the thought of starting university scared me, but being here is downright terrifying.”

And then she heard it.

“Aw, Mari, don’t be scared, I’m right here.” And there standing was the owner of the smooth and calming voice. Grinning with his perfect teeth and one snake bite piercing ring on the bottom left of his lip, hair more of his natural black roots and electric blue tips, and a few tattoos.

She was screaming excitedly and hurling her body into his for a hug before Ayla had the chance to turn around and the poor boy could blink.

“Luka!” She smushed her face against his middle ribs, feeling the muscles of his now matured figure and the soft cotton blend of his black hooded long sleeve.

Ayla still folded, more than pleased Juleka involved her in a scheme like old times and reunited the two after Luka left for university for those two years and spent breaks being Jagged Stone’s new protégé.

He placed a kiss to her hair, squeezing her tight and feeling his face burn from her presence altogether. “It’s nice to see you too, Ma-ma-Marinette.” He teased, watching as she pulled away and wiped some small flecks of glitter highlighter away from his shirt. “It’s fine, I don’t mind it.” He said, carefully grabbing her hand and bringing it down to rest between them.

“I didn’t know you went here.” God, her eyes were so blue.

“I could say the same. I came to visit because Ayla said she needed help with boxes and Juleka told her I attended the same school and lived in the same building.” He raised their hands, placing a kiss to her knuckles, “This is by far the greatest surprise though.”

Marinette blushes heavily from the gesture. She used to whenever Luka was sweet around her but the time spent apart seemed to reinforce her feelings. She smiled before a frown took over her features. She quickly whipped around to stare at the taller female.

“Why didn’t you just invite him over sooner? We would’ve finished forever ago.” Only receiving a huff and glance to her.

Luka blinked, “Oh, so you don’t need any help?” Great, now he was feeling like he was intruding and a possible nuisance hanging around.

He was about to offer to leave them so they wouldn’t be distracted when the small and petite girl he spent his last teenage years loving squeezed him into another hug.

“Oh my god, you being here is more than enough help. I think I can see the light, is this it? Seeing Luka has killed me with such peaceful serenity I’m able to leave this horrid place for a possible paradise?”

He gave an amused laugh that rushed out of him, staring wide eyed to his old friend with glasses.

“Don’t even bother. She spent a summer with Chloé having to serve punishment by working in her family’s bakery and everyday it was nonstop dramatic monologues until their shifts ended.” She smiled, “It was amusing and did get better as time went on though.”

He only nodded, hating when she let go and moved to put small and casual heals on, long hair falling over her shoulders as she lent to the side, finding solid balance along her bed post.

“Well since it’s a reunion and all, wanna go grab a drink?”

Luka only dimpled down at her in response, excited she wasn’t ready to part ways with him just yet.

“You even have to ask?”

~*~

There was no question about it in her mind; Luka had definitely gotten hotter in their time separated.

His hair was messy in his young rockstar way but still gravitated the urge for Marinette to play with from across the table. His eyes seemingly more of azure than just regular blue when he was younger. Eyelashes and brows black and more defined.

How in the hell did his features harden after two years?

Marinette played with the straw in her milkshake, glancing up frequently to catch a glimpse of Luka who was at the counter ordering a root beer float. She coward every time he looked to her like he felt her stare.

Ayla passed on the reunion trip, saying she was going to go visit Alix and then spend the rest of the day with Nino who attended the same school as them.

“Sorry I couldn’t take you to a bar or something to ease your nerves, I can’t drink.” He said, sitting down and alternating between a spoon and a straw for his drink.

“You can’t?” She was surprised, most university students would frequent shops and stores to buy out the liquor section back home.

He shook his head, the curve of the spoon sitting on his tongue before he spoke. “Nope, alcohol intolerant. Pass out the second it hits my system, I get sick and the worst hives ever.”

“That sounds awful, how did you find out?”

He laughed lightly, “My roommate was in charge of making punch for a party he was going to later when I would be out buying a new release of this one game. He asked me to try it and only told me of the fruit ingredients, wondered if it needed more sugar. Had no clue until I woke up in the campus’s infirmary.”

She grabbed his hand with hers, white nail polish tips visible to him on short nails of hers. “If it makes you feel any better, I had planned to order a Shirley temple or something had you taken me to a bar. Never like the idea of drinking anyways and I don’t have the luxury of freedom to.” She faltered before she smiled at him.

“Yeah, never know when one will need to run across the rooftops of Paris huh?”

She went impossibly still before he realized what he confessed.

“You knew?” Her voice was a mere whisper, eyes growing wide and beautiful mascara lashes blinking rapidly.

He let go of her hand quickly like he just hurt her, opting to lean on his elbows on the hard table and mess with his hair nervously, avoiding her gaze.

“I mean, I’ve always known since I first met Ladybug in person,” he was speaking quietly to avoid drawing attention. “The way you spoke was just, it was mesmerizing and like a song in itself. When she talked to me, all I could hear was you. And one day you approached me from behind and said my name in that way you do that gets to me and I turned around and saw her instead. And I just knew, I mean that day I was more sure than I had been the first meeting.”

The air suddenly turned thick and she didn’t know how to respond until she thought about certain things he said that she could focus on and giggled.

“And yet the people I spent everyday with in class never picked up on it. You truly are one of a kind, Couffaine.”

The hand that messed with his colored locks stilled, eyes meeting hers that were amused and he felt himself burning like mad. Clearing his throat and sipping the soda from the ice cream concoction.

“So, how’s Adrien?” He wouldn’t dare give himself hope like last time when he first fell for her.

“Adrien? He’s fine. Why do you ask?”

“Haven’t you guys hit like your third year yet? When was that anniversary?” He really didn’t want to know but it would provide him a slap of reality before getting hurt again by his own damn self.

She giggled again, head hanging low and bit her lip in a way that made his chest tighten. “I wouldn’t know. We broke up a few months into our first year because we just weren’t made for one another. We’re still great friends and that’s all we are to each other. Nothing more.”

Ah fuck...the hope is seeping in.

“Huh, didn’t see that coming.”

She added some sprinkles to her shake that sat on the ice cream parlor’s table besides the napkins. “We were younger, thinking everything made sense and it would work out. In reality, I just had some tween love obsession goggles on that inhibited my logic and real life objectives.”

He was smiling now, arms folded with one able to eat the soda flavored ice cream, “You really grew up, huh?”

“I could say the same to you. Wonder how a Viperion would look today than from two years ago? Sexier? More fitted? Definitely hotter no doubt.” She flashed a smile and her shoulders shook when he coughed harshly and choked on his spoonful, looking at the way the red traveled down to his neck and his eyes shook in panicked awe of her. “You okay there, Vipey?”

“Vipey?” He hit a fist to his chest, drinking the soda at the top again. Questioning that one little thing was far easier to draw attention to her teasing compliments.

She waved him off like that new nickname wasn’t twisting his heart in the most delicious pain he ever felt. “Always wanted to call you that but Chat was such a jealous and possessive thing back then, I was afraid he’d claw you to bits if I gave you your own pet name.”

Did she really not know what she was doing to him?

Wait.

“Okay, I get it. It’s a cute name.” He leaned towards her again, “On another note, is this you confessing that Chat Noir is Adrien? Because I kinda already figured.”

She gaped before smiling, “You’re just too good, aren’t you?”

“Not really. I mean, a socially repressed kid who lives by a set of rules and is made to be perfect all the time suddenly gains powers, and what is he expected to do? I would think look untamed and be unfiltered as much as possible. It wasn’t that big of a leap when I knew she was you. Well, a small fraction of you at least.”

Marinette ignored the last part. “You know, most people love to say her name. Ladybug’s. Why don’t you?”

His dark brows furrowed before he held a spoonful of his ice cream up to her lips, still leaning forwards and meeting her eyes. “I like your name better, Marinette. You’re what makes her, you’re always Marinette. Why call you by something else unless it’s required of me to do so?” She pretended like the hitch in her breath wasn’t obvious and ate the ice cream, noting the way his eyes didn’t dart down to watch her eat it like most boys would but instead held her gaze, and only dropped to grab more for her.

“What do you mean by that?”

He gave a sad smile, “You’re a smart girl, Mari. Ladybug isn’t who you are, it’s just a persona you created to ease the worries of an entire city that’s heavily populated. Someone you made real to stand up against someone with a power and lust for evil when I’m sure you wanted to hide away like the rest of us. Who you are behind the mask is so much more powerful than the one presented to us because you’re human. You made her to get through the challenging times and give a hero to a city when you wanted to be protected and safe just like them. I admire Ladybug for all she’s done, but I admire Marinette more for the sacrifices she’s made to help Paris and the victims of akumas.” He wiped the corner of her lips when the tinted ice cream caught his attention, his smile dropping. “Every time Ladybug got hurt, my heart didn’t break for her, it broke for you.”

“Me, what why?”

He chanced it and leaned his forehead to hers. “Because everyone saw you gain injuries throughout battle and they cried for Ladybug. Then your purification presumably took away the pain and injuries, but I always assumed some lingered. And that the memories in fact did stay and I wondered how many sleepless nights you had where you jolted awake in fear of getting hurt again, and I prayed to whatever deity there was that you didn’t cry alone in the dark.”

She wanted to cry now.

“People worry about the hero and then the fight is over, then worrying about themselves and the close calls. No one ever stops to worry about the person behind the mask though. I’ve always hated that.”

“No one but you, huh?” They had quieted down significantly and whatever had been flickering between the two had grown to sparks that remained unsettled inside them.

Luka glanced down at their hands that were close to one another’s, taking a deep breath before pulling back. “C’mon, I’ll take you back.”

The walk back was silent, Marinette holding onto his arm that was lazily available while his hand rested in his shirt pocket. He gave her a small smile when she took off her heals to walk through the carpeted dorm hallway, offering to carry the small shoes for her that now dangled from his free hand’s hooked fingers. He watched her step on the patterns in graceful ways, dancing around them to his humming in the near empty hallways.

He assumed there was a first day party raging on somewhere in the building.

They stopped at her dorm, finishing out keys and letting him walk inside to place her shoes down on the rack she brought with her from home. He looked up just in time to see a familiar bracelet presented to him, a snake kwami floating near it and a red one zipping in the back to eat baked goods from home.

He couldn’t find words for how surprised he was, looking between the little god and then her and the bracelet.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Sass won’t mind. I just felt like I would’ve had a great partner in Viperion if I was given the chance to work with him more.”

He willed himself back, “How do I know this isn’t some elaborate excuse to check me out in a skin right suit?” He nearly prided himself when she became equally as flustered.

“That’s only a quarter of the reason why I’m offering, Luka.” She pouted, avoiding his eyes and shifting her weight nervously. He smiled down at her, grabbing her arms and wrapping them around his waist as his crossed over her shoulders, cheek resting to her hair again.

God, this felt like home.

“When have I ever said no to you, Mari?” He could feel her excitement shoot through her and the small squeal of excitement reached his ears as he laughed. Letting her pull one arm from her shoulder and slip the bracelet on. “Hi, Sass. I’ve missed you.”

The snake smiled, glancing between Luka and the smaller girl in his arms that was beyond content with the turn of events for the night. “Not assssss much asssss her I presssssume?” Earning a snicker when he winked to the small god.

“Luka, the main reason I asked you?”

He pulled away, letting her sit on the bed on her knees, messing with her skirt in her hands.

“Yeah?”

“It’s because, I’m, um,”

“Take your time, Marinette. I don’t mind.”

She took a breath, “I’ve never trusted anyone with my inner thoughts and feelings like I do with you. You read me like an open book and try to keep it to yourself so I never become embarrassed. But you know the real me behind the mask that most others don’t even if they know my secret, and that counts for something.” She met just azure eyes, “Who better to protect me than the one who sees I’m just as weak as any civilian.”

He didn’t know what to say to that, instead walking closer to her and letting his right hand guide the back of her head to his lips as he placed a kiss to her forehead.

“Is that a yes?”

He nosed her hair, “Maybe I just want to hear you call me Vipey again.”

She giggled in kind, flicking his nose. “It’s a cute nickname for a cute boy who is a cute superhero.” She nudged the tip of his nose again, “With a cute, button nose.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were flirting with me, Dupain Cheng.”

“It took me a few years to gain the courage for it, but yeah, I guess you could say I am.” She blinked up innocently at him. He crossed his arms with a smirk.

“You know it’s dangerous for cute and beautiful girls like you to make guys like me hopeful right?”

“Is it?” She tried matching his height, even with the extra inches of the bed she only reached to his chin while she stood on her knees. “You said I’m smart, meaning I’ve learned my lesson this second time around. It’s okay for you to be hopeful, right?”

“Marinette?” He couldn’t move, afraid he would scare her off and praying to those kwamis he knew what was happening next.

“Luka?” She nudges her nose to his chin, giggling lightly when he shifted down to meet her nose like she wanted. He couldn’t and wouldn’t make the first move, she knew that. He respected her too much to read too far into things she did. “You know I always had this crush on you, right?”

“You what?”

She frowned, tears glistening around the blue hues of her eyes. “I really did miss you while you were away.” He forced a swallow, ignoring the matter that no one has ever spoken those words to him before and the weight they carried to him. “I’m not messing up this time, Luka.”

She pulled at the collar of his hood, bringing him down to her lips as her name died on his tongue and his hands slipped out of the pocket of his shirt to find support from her waist. His eyes screwed shut in fear of it all not being real or worse, her realizing it was a mistake to take with him.

But she still let her hands travel to his hair, giving a small happy noise with the ability to now play with it and feel it between her fingers. That alone coaxed him out of his potential nightmare slowly and encouraged him to move his lips against hers , feeling her smile when he found the bed to sit on so she wouldn’t have to lean up and felt her legs draped over his lap sideways.

He couldn’t bring himself to do anything when she broke the kiss, scared she’ll kick him out or express regret. Instead she gave a shy smile and then pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, hands framing his face before she hugged him with enough force to send Luka tipping backwards into her pillows with her on top of him.

She didn’t move off of him, only brought her face up to rest on her arms on top his chest while he refused to look at her. She held his face again, feeling the heat of the blood rushing to his face.

“Is it my turn to say how cute you look when you’re a blushing mess?” Her impish smile widened when the depths of his blues met hers, his jaw hardening in response to let her know he was at a loss for words. She ran a hand through his hair, noting the way he couldn’t stop the hum from escaping his throat. “You always were the one who got away, I didn’t want to risk it this time around and knew it the moment I saw you step into the university dorm that it had to be.”

He swallowed nervously, fingers twitching on her back. “Does this mean you want to be-,”

“Boyfriend and girlfriend for the time being? Absolutely.” She gave a firm nod, lips pressed in a straight line to make him laugh finally. He tried not to think about the her response and what the “time being” could lead to, hopefully a future together like he always wished for.

“Okay. I want that too.” She grinned, resting her chin on her arms again and staring up at him with an awed look. “What?”

She shook her head, leaning up to peck his lips before darting down to his chest and resting her cheek against his heart, “Nothing, you’re just really cute, Luka.”

“Oh my god, you’re going to kill me.” He muttered, arms leaving her and covering his red face.

“You okay?”

He whimpered, “Peachy. I meet up with the girl I’ve had a crush on forever and have a date with her and she ends up being my girlfriend before the night is over. And she’s the type to shower me in compliments. I’ve sighed my own death wish.”

“While you’re dealing with that, you mind if I turn the television on and catch up on an anime I’m watching?”

He uncovered his face to look at her then the tv across her bed, “Does this mean we have to move?”

She shook her head, moving to grab the remote and he noted he recognized the show already from some posts and expressed interest to himself of it before.

“No, I’m too affectionate to pass up on cuddling.” She sat up to grab a blanket before resting on his chest again, tangling her legs with his and giving a happy wiggle when he hugged her close. “You smell nice, I like it.”

“Fuck, you’re really too adorable, Marinette.” Luka sighed, forever grateful the university he didn’t care much about had one thing he would give the world to and she wanted nothing but him instead.

“You’re adorable too, Vipey.” Giggling when he squeezed her in retaliation and muttered to just watch her show and cuddled him.

[angeltiddies]

The Queer Eye/Supernatural crossover we all need.

“Family Don’t End In Blood”

Bobby: Makes over the bunker to make it feel more like a home. He gives Castiel a minimalist room so he can have some peace in a world that has been so cruel. There’s a bench at the foot of his bed that holds a bunch of super soft blankets so he can take them out when he just needs to feel a bit more human. He also secretly makes and stashes a notebook of photos he found of Cas and Dean under the blankets for Castiel to find on a rainy day. He gives Jack a room with lots of intellectually stimulating things and a cool video game set up. He gives Sam a room with an extra long bed and a bookcase for him to keep is favorites from the library on. He’s skeptical about Dean’s gun wall, but he keeps it there. He also gives Dean a wider bed and a shelf to display his family photos on. 

“I’m no Angel”

Tan: Helps them find better suits for their undercover work and also gets Dean and Sam to invest in some new jackets and flannels that are cool and functional. He also gets them pants that fit well and some waterproof ones for when they have a mission in the forest. He makes them get new sturdy shoes too, Deans have literally been to purgatory and back and it’s time for a new pair. He convinces Castiel to get some new, colorful ties and two new trenchcoats. A black one for more formal occasions, and a super fashionable one, that Castiel chooses, maybe Burberry with a fun floral pattern, just for someday when he wants to express himself. Cas also gets a bee brooch that he puts on his lapel. It makes him smile.

“I swear I’m not domestic”

Antoni: Is sincerely impressed with Dean’s cooking skills and get’s a little domestic with Dean in the kitchen. Castiel glares at them cooking until he insists that he, Sam and Jack are the one’s who need to learn how to cook. Dean gets pushed out of the kitchen so he goes on a really quick grocery run (Karamo tags along) and comes back with the ingredients for Cas’ favourite meal, insisting he teach all of them, Antoni included, how to make it. He gets a little domestic with Cas. All is well. (JVN and Tan are fangirling in the corner as Dean helps Cas work on his whisking form) 

“His name is Chuck.”

Jonathan: Jonathan is appalled with Dean’s hygiene and wonders how he has managed to keep himself healthy at all. Cas admits off to the side that he’s been secretly healing any of Dean’s cavities and other little things like that. Jonathan gives Dean an easy to keep up with routine and tells Jack to never take Dean’s advice on hygiene as he gives Jack a dope new haircut with short, clean sides and keeping the little swoosh he has up top. “Yas Gawd!!!!” Jack informs him very seriously that God’s name is actually Chuck, and he prefers being addressed as such, at least according to Dean and Sam and Castiel. He tries to mess with Sam’s hair, but after many protests, he just takes a little off the sides. I mean, he’s kind of obsessed with it, and Sam, and the whole lumberjack vibe he’s got. Whew chile. But after all, he can tell the Winchester’s don’t like personal change that much, their appearance isn’t the most important thing to them, and everything is already constantly changing around them.

“It’s okay to feel deeply.”

Karamo: Boy oh BOY is he in for a treat. Karamo just kind of stares at the four men in front of him while he analyzes their little habits while the other guys work their magic. They are all so broken. Karamo decides to go with Dean to the store during Antoni’s little cooking session to find out what’s going on. Eventually, Dean gets as close to a love confession for Cas as ever (“I just...I need him, you know?”) and Karamo convinces him to get ingredients for the aforementioned favourite meal. Karamo, sad to see Dean with tears welling in his eyes brings back the old “Dean, being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. It shows that you are in tune with yourself. It’s okay to be open. It’s okay to feel deeply. It’s a gift to care so much.” In the parking lot of the grocery store, Dean finally breaks, “It..sucks to know how I feel...and to know Cas doesn’t...he doesn’t feel the same way us humans do, you know...” Karamo pulls Cas away from the group while Dean and Sam are debating Jonathan on changing Sammy’s hair. Cas confesses his love flat out for Dean, and for the Winchesters, and for Jack. Karamo asks if there is a difference between the love he has for Dean and the love he has for the mismatched family as a whole. “I would protect all of them with my life, but I’ve made it clear to Dean how I feel. We have a profound bond. Dean has not expressed to me that it is reciprocated.” Karamo cracks up and gives the angel a little advice “Dean doesn’t believe he’s worthy of your love, unless you’re explicit with your romantic feelings, he will keep on going, heart pining for you, but never allowing himself to take the next step. You know he has trust issues. He won’t fall in love, just to be let down again.” Cas had never thought of it that way.  Next, Karamo talks to Sam and realizes how much Sam wants a normal happy life, for himself and for everyone around him. “Take some time for yourself every once in a while, pick up a new hobby that you can use to escape.” Karamo gets Sam a couple succulents to put in his room. “These are resilient, like you, like Dean, like all of you. It’s not like having a dog, who would probably need more attention than you can give right now, but these can be left alone for a long while, as long as you care deeply for them when you’re around. It’ll give you something to breathe life into.” Karamo talks to Jack about his own identity, being the son of Lucifer and all. “Ultimately Jack, you decide your future.” Jack smiles at the sentiment, though he’s still unsure it’s completely up to him.

At the end of the episode, Team Free Will 2.0 returns home and sees how amazing it is. There are little fairy lights up in some of the nooks and crannies, there are a few sayings on the walls (Carry On My Wayward Son etc.), a new record player with all of Dean’s favourites next to a new liquor cabinet, and a newly organized bookshelf from A-Z based on relevancy, content and usefulness (Sam geeks out a little bit at the new system). Dean smiles when he gets into his room, he appreciates a bed bigger than the usual motel ones, and he cries when he sees his family photos up on the shelf. While Dean traces the photos, Castiel excitedly opens the box at the foot of his bed in his own room down the hall. He loves the feel of the blankets, they remind him of clouds and flying and warmth and humanity. He gets to the bottom of the pile earlier than Bobby was anticipating, but he watches eagerly from the doorway anyways, hands up to his face with bated breath. Cas opens the notebook and sits back, breath hitching. It’s an intimate moment, so Bobby is a little shocked when Castiel closes the book so suddenly. (Bobby is kind of freaked out that he did something wrong so he slips away from the door before Cas can see him). Cas gets up pointedly and walks to Dean’s room. Dean is laying on the right side of the bed, holding a photo of his Dad and him and Sammy. Castiel hesitantly slips onto the bed and curls up behind Dean. Dean holds his breath for a second until Cas speaks “I love you, Dean Winchester.” He sinks into Cas’ grip and it feels like home. His “I love you too” is interrupted and affirmed by the Fab Five, Sam and Jack all jumping on top of them on the bed in glee. 

The goodbyes are the worst part, Dean lets himself cry in front of the five, and the others follow suit. After a huge group hug, the Fab Five leaves, feeling like they did well. 

“That’s Family” 

Dean, Sam, Cas and Jack are always doing something big, so instead of sending a video of them hosting a party or inviting people over, they decide to send in an update that’s just about them, going about their daily lives. Sam proudly presents his succulents, he bought two new ones too, and named them all after his favourite authors. Jack shows them around his room and brags about how soft his skin is, even though Dean rolls his eyes at that. Dean makes them all a meal before a family movie night. Cass helps him out and wraps his arms around Dean’s waist as he sautees some mushrooms. Dean looks over his shoulder to kiss Cas, sweet and slow, in front of the Fab Five and the rest of the world he supposes. He smiles into the camera and winks “Thanks for having the foresight of a bigger bed, Bobby” 

The final shot is of the four boys sitting on the couch in their living room, whiskey on the table in front of them, popcorn between all of them, Cas fit comfortably in Deans lap. They all smile and wave, throwing popcorn at the camera and dissolving into laughter “Thank you!” 

The video cuts out and the entirety of the Fab Five are a fucking mess.

Yes, even Tan

[quokkalatte]

Mixtape pt.5 [M.YG]

Part 5

Category: One-shot series

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Female! Reader

Summary: Living as an aspiring rap artist in Seoul, all you want to do is work on your music and try to get your name out there. Of course when you have someone as annoying and spiteful as Min Yoongi makes that extremely difficult. Until he decides to help you out.

Warnings: smut, language, some Namjoon action (which ofc is a warning cause oof), angry Yoongi, alcohol consumption, perhaps some angst but not really

Warnings for this chapter: alcohol consumption, language, Tae being a bit of a horndog in the beginning

Author's Note: ofc this is late again but I hope you enjoy this chapter! It's also short, contrary to what I promised last time I apologize. I promise it'll get more interesting in the future ;)

Tags; @notsolovelykarsyn @psychoticshawtyy

Could not be tagged: @deesixx2801

[Message me to be added to the Tag list so you can be tagged for future updates]

× × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × ×

I hurried down the street, pulling my jacket close to my body, trying be to hold any remains of warmth I'd had since leaving my apartment. Seoul was covered in a thick layer of snow, the roads icy and slick and bundles of oil-based slush was built on either side of the road. People still continued on without a care in the world. It made me regret not getting a taxi or asking Jungkook to pick me up.

I shivered, turning the corner quickly and let out a sigh of relief when I saw the record store. It wasn't far from my apartment, but the cold made it a bitch to get too. I quickly pushed the door open, hearing the bell signal my arrival. I let out a loud groan when I felt the heat rush upon me, swathing me in warmth.

"Damn I haven't even touched you yet and you're already sounding like that" my eyes dart towards a figure leaning against the counter, shuffling through a magazine. His hair was tousled and messy and his cheeks flushed from the cold outside. Taehyung grinned when I rolled my eyes

"You wish" I walk past him and Taehyung chuckles

"I do. Isn't your little study group today?"

"Yes that's where I'm going" I say and Taehyung perks up immensely

"Hey you should ask if they'll let me help with the next Cypher. I've been asking but they never let me"

"And what makes you think they'll change their mind this time?" I raise my eyebrows just as Jimin came in from the back. His face split into a smile upon seeing me and he ruffled Taehyung's hair as he passed. Taehyung swatted at his hand.

"Wishful thinking?"

"Keep wishing then Tae. Maybe someday" I pat his cheek and he sticks his upper lip out and I laugh. I hop over the counter, much to Jimin's chargin, and quickly hurry up the steps. I heard the chatter of voices, and the room came into view. It was like Deja Vu all over again when the boys saw me. They immediately started their jeering.

"Well well well. I'd like to say I'm surprised, but I'm not" Jungkook teased. I rolled my eyes, throwing my bag at him it landed on his lap and he let out a grunt at the impact.

"May I ask why you're late?" Namjoon asks.

"Ice is slick Joon, and I didn't want to fall over. Excuse me for taking percaution" I roll my eyes, plopping next to Hoseok, who immediately threw his arm around me.

"Were glad you made it sunshine" Hoseok grins and I laugh. The only one who hadn't said anything was Yoongi, which was typical. Ever since he left abruptly nearly a month ago, we barely spoke. I'd asked him if Jin was okay, and he only replied with a 'Yes' and that was it. He never made more plans, never answered texts, and the past two meet ups he rarely spoke to me and it annoyed me to no end. I wanted to talk to him, ask him what the hell happened in my kitchen. It was like he was about to kiss me, and then he didn't. And now he was pretending like I didn't exist. It kind of hurt to be honest.

"Show us what you got. You said you finally added music to it" Hoseok says, bringing me out of my daze. I blink, and nod

"Yeah, yeah I did."I say, digging out my laptop, nervously setting it on the coffee table. The song was finally nearly developed. The rap was swift and sorrowful, the music paced to fit it exactly. I was just nervous how the boys would take it. They'd only read the lyrics, now it was fully recorded and ready for listening. I brought up the demo, pressing play and sitting back, nervously figetting the entire time. All three were silent as the rap filled the air, the music complimenting it nicely. It sounded upbeat to a nom-korean speaker, but the lyrics were of unrequited love, developed into harsh bitterness and deciding that it wasn't worth the pain, to get over it and move on. The last part wasn't fully true, I added it for some closure to the song but in reality I was nowhere near over Yoongi, even though he seemed he wanted nothing to do with me. The song ended, and Namjoon nodded, rubbing his hands together.

"It's amazing Y/n" he grins, and I sighed in relief. Hoseok and Jungkook eagerly agree.

"Of course you found a way to make the music compliment the lyrics. You're a genius" Hoseok says and I blush at the compliment "It's really sad Noona, but relatable" Jungkook comments. I thank all three of them, and subconsciously glance at Yoongi's silent form. Namjoon was the one who acted out.

"Yoongi?" He prompts the blonde. Yoongi glanced from the screen to me, and my heart clenched as I waited for his harsh critique. He always did that with our songs, pointing out the flaws while the rest gave good comments. He was the Simon Cowell of our group. But he didn't, he merely nodded his head

"It's good" Yoongi says, and that was it. The three of us were speechless, Jungkook's jaw was dropped and he looked at me with awe.

"You got hyung to compliment you Noona. You must be a goddess" he says, and I blush, shaking my head.

"Stop Kook while you're behind" I warn and he sticks out his tongue. I quickly shut my laptop and shoved into my bag. It was quiet for a couple of seconds, and then Namjoon cleared his throat.

"Okay, I guess now's a good time as any to announce this" he says, his tone nervous. "But last week I went over to another producing company and submitted my tape....and it got accepted" I gasped and the other three boys shouted and whooped. Jungkook threw his arm around Namjoon's shoulders and hugged him tightly. Namjoon grinned bashfully as we all hugged and congratulated him. His dimples were prominent and his cheeks flushed.

"That's great Joon I'm so proud" I say and he laughs, running a hand through his hair.

"Thanks guys" he mumbles.

"We should go out and celebrate that's great!" Jungkook says, and we all nod.

"Well, Jin wanted to throw a party this Saturday...." Namjoon trailed off. "So of course to guys are invited"

"We should get drinks though" Jungkook says "I'll drive"

"Not happening" Yoongi wrinkled his nose "the last time you drove is anywhere we ended up in a ditch"

"I didn't see the squirrel!" Jungkook wailed "And I've gotten better hyung you shouldn't lord that over me you're no better at driving" Jungkook pouts.

"I'll drive" Jimin leans in the doorway, keys dangling from his finger.

Half an hour later we all were sitting around a table, celebrating Namjoon's sucess. He was flushed and blushing, and kept saying how lucky he felt. Taehyung had accompanied us, always eager for free alcohol and food.

Everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves. Hoseok continues to congratulate Namjoon, who's face was flushed and became redder the more he drank. Jimin and Jungkook disappeared hours ago, and Yoongi seemed to be missing as well. After the 6th shot I was fuzzy and lightheaded, and wandered outside to breathe. The cool air immediately hit my skin and my eyes closed and I let out a sigh of relief. The music from the bar was faint outside, absorbed by the air and contained by the building.

"You really can't handle liquor can't you?" A voice said, and I turned to see Yoongi leaning against the side of the bar. His dark eyes were a light with amusement and I roll my eyes.

"I can handle it just fine"

"Please, three shots and your rolling on the floor" he snorts.

"Fuck off Yoongi I was actually in a good mood" I grumble, rubbing my forehead. Yoongi snickered,

"Sorry. Didn't mean to ruin your fun' he says. I glare at him. "What?"

"You're infuriating" you growl at him. He frowns, blinking in confusion.

"What're you talking about?" I stalk towards him, and take a step back, eyeing me warily.

"You. Are. Infuriating. Min Yoongi" each word was expressed with a poke to his sternum, and he watched with a dumb expression on his face, which expressed he had obviously had a few to drink.

"I was just teasing Y/n calm down" he rubs his chest sorely.

"Not about that!" I hiss.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Hoe about you ignoring me for the past month? How about you leaving me alone in my apartment to rescue Jin? Or how about the fact you were about to kiss me?" The questions fell from my mouth before I could stop them. The shots betraying me to Yoongi, who's eyes comically widened with each one. I was shaking, glaring at him to answer my questions. He went silent, reserving himself.

"That was a mistake" he mumbles

"What was?" I instigate further. He ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends and he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Trying to kiss you. I shouldn't have tried that." Hurt shot through my chest at his confession, even if I asked him for the truth. It stung. He could tell, It's must have displayed on my features. He took a step towards me, guilt covering his face but I glared and took a step back.

"Well I'm sorry I'm such a mistake then" I hiss, turning to walk back into the bar. A hand wrapped around my wrist tightly and I was stopped in my place.

"Y/n wait- it's not like that. Please listen" Yoongi said, and it shocked me because it was almost like he was begging me. I turned to glower at him, tugging my hand from his grip, but I didn't move. Yoongi sighed, his head bent towards the ground and refusing to meet my eyes. "I don't think you're a mistake. You twisted my words, as you always do-"

"Watch it" I growl warningly

"-but I didn't kiss you because I didn't think you wanted me to" He finished without pause. I gave him a dumbfounded look.

"Wait, what?" Yoongi groaned, tugging at the ends of his hair and scowled at me like it was my fault he was so cryptic.

"I didn't think you wanted me to kiss you. I thought you didn't like me, and I figured there was someone else."

"What makes you think there was someone else?" I questioned angrily, folding my arms

"Your song" Yoongi says. This made me laugh. The alcohol in my system had me buzzing and I could feel it. It was Yoongi's turn to be angry at me. "Why are you laughing?" He demanded.

"What does my song have to do with me being with someone else Yoongi? It's about being rejected from someone and unreciprocated love."

"The ending is about getting over them" he says and I shook my head

"I added that part. I never got over him" I say sadly, knowing I'd regret admitting that when I woke up the next morning.

"So there is someone. See? That's why I didn't kiss you. You're still hung up over some jerk who's too stupid to notice your interest in him" Yoongi says. I was quiet, my eyes on the ground. Then I spoke softly

"It's you"

"What?" Yoongi frowned, not catching my words

"You. The song's about you" I mumble. He stared at me, his eyes beginning to widen. I could see his thoughts multiplying, forming the words of my song to fit with how he'd treated me so coldly when I just wanted his affection.Yoongi's heart thudded in his chest, all color drained from his body. He shook his head, and backed away

"No. Not possible" he mumbled

"Why not?" I demanded, but he shook his head again. Yoongi backed farther away when I approached him.

"No" He hisses, his voice suddenly full of venom and spite. I stepped back, shocked. Yoongi turned away, walking quickly down the street until he was out of sight. I watched the spot where he dissappeared. Rejection and hurt being my only voiced emotions. That's where Namjoon and the others found me, outside and crying. Their happy uplifted moods suddenly dropped upon seeing my tear streaked face. They tried prying my reason for crying out of me, but I refused to speak.

"Just please take me home" I mumble. Namjoon called Seokjin, who was in the midst of sleeping and scolded Namjoon for being out late, but agreed to come pick us up. 10 minutes later we were piled into his car and being driven home. He frowned when he noticed we were one short.

"Where's Yoongi?" He asks. All eyes turned on me, I was the only one who last saw him. I stared out the window solemnly, resentment boiling my veins.

"He can be in hell for all I care" I grunt out, and the car fell into since once more.

[fessupdarling]

confession 1 :love & my truth <3

When I think about love, my mind is mostly blank. mainly because the only love I’ve ever received was from my parents. What really is love beyond a feeling you feel for someone? Could it be sex or maybe just spending quality time with each other? I never really bothered to find out but maybe I never will. But as I sit here and see many people get into relationships.. it’s hard to not want one. I see how happy they look, but in my case it hasn’t always been happy. 

If I’m going to be honest, I haven’t had my first significant other much less be presented with a label society forces us to take. So what they hell do I know about love? I know it can make you do crazy things and maybe it’ll work or sometimes you walk away with a broken heart. I’ve always known that men ain’t shit way before I was allowed to leave the house. Men will only want one thing and let’s not kid here. We both know damm well what it is.. and as much as we want to believe not every guy or person is like that, everyone has a desire. It’s just human nature. So let me present to you, my love experience. The first time I grew feelings for anyone was back in elementary school, and boy did I fall head over heels for this guy. Whenever he looked my way or just smiled at me, my heart began to race and soon enough people swear they saw my cheeks have a red tint to them. It made me so happy to have a minute to talk with him, we mainly talked about video games or maybe who was the strongest. By setting a date for our jungle gym showdown to prove once and for all who the alpha dog was. I didn’t win, but I left school with a smile on my face and my feelings growing more. Time went on when elementary school finally came to an end. I needed to get over him, but somewhere deep down I wanted us to be more than friends. The aquarius in me didn’t want to develop anything, so I shut him out. I ignored him until the feelings I once had for him died. I went throughout middle school forgetting about him but another problem arose my first and last year. 

I befriend a guy in once of my classes, and was he the best friend I ever had. If you asked me what made us click, I couldn’t tell you because I honestly don’t remember. But we talked a-lot and everyday I looked forward to our conversations because he always made me laugh. He would go on and on about this girl, he hoped he’d reunite with and eventually want to settle down with. I smiled with glee because if I could take you to that moment, it was beautiful, His eyes filled with hope and you could see the love for her on his face. I was happy to know that he cared about her dearly and he wasn’t in it for other things. Or at least I don’t think so but only he knows what he truly wanted with her. Soon enough he stopped talking about her, but even so I kept bringing her up and he would shut me down with “ let’s talk about something else”. I felt confused, not even a week ago he had eyes filled with love talking about her and now he was acting like she never existed. I let it go, not until one day a group of his friends came up to me and told me the truth..

he had fallen head over heels for me.

he had wanted to confess to me for a while but couldn’t bring himself to do so. His friends bombarded me with questions and soon enough they brought him to me. His face was really red and he was shaking, avoiding my gaze while looking at the ground almost like if he expected the earth to crack open and to swallow him whole. It didn’t but he proceed to ask me out. Little did I know my answer was the start of problems, I didn’t know I was going to get myself into. I said yes to him but once I answered him, I realized... I felt nothing for him. Absolutely nothing, my heart wouldn’t beat faster if I thought about him, nor did my cheeks tint red. I think it was the spur of the moment type of thing. I won’t lie to you and tell you I wasn’t nervous, but not for the reason he expected me to be. I spent the rest of the day thinking about it, I felt sick whenever I saw him. He didn’t deserve me, someone who doesn’t like him back. So the following day I told him the truth. Well not exactly face to face but I texted him. I felt so guilty to the point where it was eating me alive and I anticipated every minute waiting for his texts.  To which I got no response but a confrontation at my local liquor store. I remember trying to grab some snacks and head home after a long day of school. Until I felt a presence behind me, I turned around and saw him, he looked scary. He never looked that way, his face was a mix of anger and sadness. He raised his voice to ask me what the hell i meant by my message. All eyes were on us, I felt so small and embarrassed. I begged him to keep his voice down since to this day I hate public confrontation or raising your voice in public in general. He didn’t care and I don’t blame him. He kept bombarding me with questions, until i finally told him what he needed to hear. He looked at me in utter disgust and sadness and he wiped tears away from his eyes and ran out of the store. It only got uglier from there and I’ll spare you the details. From tears to rumors to finally fixing the broken relationship. He lost feelings for me and moved on to someone else. We’re all good now but we stopped talking after a year into high school. I hope he’s doing okay and wish he nothing but the best.

 During my last year of middle school, a best friend of mine had told me about a crush a guy had on me. I chose to ignore it because soon he wouldn’t.  Anyways I made it clear that I didn’t want more then a friendship to which it ended with him ignoring me and completely shutting me out. That’s when I realized, if you don’t give men the answer they want to hear.. they’ll toss you aside like nothing and that’s what I didn’t want. I graduated with honors and was happy with the way I was living. That is until High School and to this day I still think about it.

My sophomore year was where it all started.. it was a guy I had met. He was the funniest and sympathetic person I had known. We talked about many topics and we grew closer. A girlfriend of mine always included him in our conversation and it was hard to get him out of it. Soon we were all comfortable with each other and I liked that about our friend group. It was the three of us, we were the loudest and best group ever. But that all came to an end when he grew feelings for me. I’m oblivious to many things especially in the love department. I won’t know until someone points it out. He asked me on a date to which I responded with yes. Don’t worry this time I thought about it, and I really wanted to know what it was like. To go on a date with someone and have that one experience. But life events happened and that was death of a family member which made my feelings go all over the place. I realized, I wasn’t in the right mind set to be in a relationship and I knew I wasn’t ready for it. I was honest and open with him about how i felt to which he didn’t take lightly. He demanded I tell him why i had ever said yes in the first place. I told him again and he knew I wouldn’t budged , claimed that I take the time I need and he would be there for when I was ready. If you have ever gone through grief, you know it doesn’t go away quickly and  isn’t  something you can forget about in a day. He grew impatient on how long I was taking and soon enough he became irritated  and had a sour attitude with me. From giving me attitude and blankly ignoring my presence even when I stood next to my friend. But oh no, whenever he was done with his mood, he expected us to talk like nothing ever changed. Hell no, I gave him the same energy and he didn’t like that. He asked me if I was in a mood and in his words “ she’s trippin”. After that I ignored him and didn’t care what the hell his deal was or how he felt. He stopped trying with me too, we ignored each other for the longest time. Still to this day too, but even so I wish him the best despite everything. 

My stance in love is complicated but I hope one day I can come back to this and give a happy note to how I feel now. I haven’t gotten there yet but I know what I feel now can’t be a long lasting feeling. Let’s see what the future brings.

signing off ,

- fessupdarling <3

(this is mainly a rant page for me to get out my emotions out in a healthy way, i know there is grammatical mistakes and punctuation errors to but ehh I don’t want to fix them)

[bastionkeeper]

Kintsugi

@mykindofcontent and I wrote this fic together. Kravitz expresses a concern about how dating Taako has made reaping hard, as his bounties always threaten the love of his life. Taako, always the drama queen and emotionally repressed elf does what he thinks is a solution and only makes things worse. Will breaking up really help things?

Kravitz paced hurriedly across the bedroom floor. One arm folded over his chest, the other gripping his chin, his eyebrows were furrowed as he thought. He shouldn’t have been home yet, not really, but it had been the third time in two weeks he’d had to call Lup and Barry to take over one of his cases. It was getting out of hand. He never needed help before. Now he had to rely on his two new subordinates just to bring in a small fry bounty.

He scowled at himself. The ones he had to give up all had one thing in common.

They all knew him as Taako’s trophy man.

Some amount of fame was expected when getting involved with the seven extraplanar beings that saved all of existence, but Taako seemed to thrive off the attention, and death worked better in the shadows.

It shouldn’t have mattered, really. He should have been able to date whoever he pleased and have it not matter at all. If only it was that easy.

There were those that simply didn’t take him seriously because of his romantic position and that was easy enough, even the most well-read gossiper wet their pants at the sight of a flaming skeleton.

Then there were those that made things personal, made it clear that if he continued to track them they would take the man that set his heart beating and break him.

He could have trusted that Taako was strong enough to take care of himself, but part of him refused to take that chance. He let them go each time, and it was starting to get dangerous.

His love was his weakness, and that was a terrible thing to say. Kravitz hated the idea that a person could be a weakness, it was selfish and cruel...but it also had a truth to it.

His nervous pacing came to a stop as he heard the front door opening. Taako was home. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. There was no reason to breach this subject yet, not when he didn’t have any solution in mind. It would just make Taako worry.

He couldn’t help a small part of himself that felt guilty. Taako had been acting distant and Kravitz knew the elf well enough to know it was because of his own behavior. Taako always drew back and guarded himself if he thought something was wrong, he would never confront it until Kravitz was ready.

“You home early again?” Taako’s voice came from the living room. “You keep slacking off just to see lil ol’ me and Lup will be employee of the month before you know it.”

Kravitz tried to laugh, still feeling preoccupied as Taako made his way into the room. “I believe we’ve been over this dear, the Raven Queen doesn’t have employee’s of the month.” “That’s because she hasn’t had more than one employee before~” Taako spared a moment between the banter to press a kiss to Kravitz’s check. Kravitz was aware of the way Taako’s eyes searched him suspiciously, knowing things were not as calm as they seemed. He had the eyes of a rabbit ready to run at any second, back to hide in its burrow.

Kravitz hated seeing him so on edge, and even more hated being the cause of it. He wanted to be Taako’s safe space, somewhere he could drop his act. Taako normally trusted Kravitz enough to show him his real face, the one behind the glamour that hid dark circles and scars. Lately though, the magical and emotional glamour had been intact.

Maybe it was time to get it out in the open, he didn’t want Taako to agonize over an invisible problem for weeks.

“Sweetheart, can we talk?” Kravitz said, steeling himself. “I promise it’s nothing bad, please don’t worry, something has just been bothering me and I’m sure you notice... “

“Krav, honey, nothing makes a man worry more than the phrases ‘we need to talk’ and ‘I promise it’s chill don’t sweat it’,” Taako joked, masterfully hiding any signs of nervousness. “But you know you can tell me anything anyway.”

Kravitz tried to laugh off the comment, but he could tell he wasn’t fooling anyone. “It’s...about work. About why I’ve been...home more.”

“Did bird mom fire you since Lup is so much better?” Taako’s words came out teasing, but his stance tensed. He forced himself to keep the playful smile on his face.

“She might,” Kravitz said, only half kidding. He didn’t think he could be fired per se, but he certainly would be in trouble if this kept happening. His Queen was patient, and she understood the position he was in, but it couldn’t last forever. “Things have gotten… difficult since the news we’re dating started spreading. Some of my bounties have started using the knowledge to their advantage.”

“Like...no more flirting with death?” Taako made another joke, but Kravitz could see it in his eyes. He knew what this was about and he was already making an escape plan, a way to fix it all without ever having to talk about how he felt. The joking was just stalling for time while he planned. He loved his boyfriend, his silly complicated boyfriend who never just took the straightforward way out.

Kravitz shrugged. “It’s just been hard. Not so much hard as it is frustrating.” He confessed. “I’ve been doing this job for so long and suddenly I feel almost incapable. I’m not used to-” He stopped himself, thinking over his words.

“Not used to people having stuff against death huh?” Taako helpfully added.

“Yes, exactly! I was this mysterious being of Death, everyone was scared of me. It was better that way, my job is supposed to be straight forward. I’m not supposed to get nervous whenever someone knows your name and threatens you.” Kravitz sighed. “Back before I had attachments...just had the job, that wasn’t an option for them.”

Taako took a step away, trying to feign a look of boredom to cover his hurt. “So I’m a problem then?”

Kravitz groaned. “You know that isn’t what I meant, Taako.”

Taako shrugged. “Alright my man. Well...I have to go get some stuff for dinner, okay? Can we finish this later?” Taako couldn’t stay in that room much longer without showing his cards. He had to go think about what to do about this.

“W-we don’t have to talk about it any further,” Kravitz said, “I’m just...venting about a bad day. You don’t have to try and fix it.”

I want to fix it, I want to help the same way you always help me. Taako thought as he backed towards the door. “Cool, cool, because I hate talking about your work no offense.” He didn’t know it yet, but that was just the first blow he would deal tonight. He tried to ignore the hurt look on Kravitz’s face. “I’m gonna get stuff for dinner.” He said quickly, making his escape.

Taako made his way to the store automatically, not really thinking about it. He wasn’t after any ingredients, he was after a solution. He didn’t want Kravitz to suffer because of his “big Taako personality” that always sucked everything up like a black hole. Kravitz deserved a better life than that, his own life. How could he give that to him?

As he passed the liquor aisle an idea sprouted in his mind. He shook it off at first, it was too painful to even consider...but...he loved Kravitz right? Loved him enough to….let him go? Taako always did fine on his own...right? Would it be better if he just wasn’t selfish about things and toughed it out on his own again? Besides, he had his sister back, and his family. If this meant Kravitz could be happy, that was worth it… right?

Taako made up his mind, he started filling his basket with wine that he wasn’t going to really drink until much later, after he’d already ripped off the band-aid.

It didn’t take much to disguise himself as a selfish drunken asshole. A little dab of wine behind his ears and on his tongue to make him reek of booze, a bottle half emptied into the gutter, and the sharpest words from his repertoire.

He stood in front of the door to his….to their house gathering up the will to do what needed to be done.

He made a show of stumbling through the front door, freezing as he saw Kravitz.

He was used to this by now, having come home a thousand times to see his boyfriend just humming to himself as he cleaned or read or did nearly anything else, but somehow this time it felt different. This time he could feel his heart ache when he heard Kravitz stop humming, when he came over to Taako with a concerned look on his beautiful face.

“Taako?”

Taako took a deep breath, and he started. “Wha’ are you still doin’ here? I thought you were married to your work.” He took a swig from the open bottle in his hand, pretended to stumble in an attempt to lean against the doorframe.

Kravitz tried to reach out and take Taako’s arm to steady him, but he jerked away. “How much have you had?” He asked.

“Not enough.” Taako took another drink, knowing he’d need it. “Hey, no big deal if I...uh...if I overdue it right? Since you’re sooooo much better off without attachments.” he made air quotes with his fingers. “Ha, just like meeeee. No wonder we hit it off, bone-man. We both don’t need...any...anybody.”

Kravitz sighed and rubbed his forehead, feeling a headache come on. “You’re twisting my words, and I really don’t think we should have this conversation while you’re drunk.” He paused. “Or maybe we should since you won’t talk to me otherwise.”

Shit Taako thought. Kravitz was about to be the good guy, cart him off to bed and be there in the morning with a cup of coffee to talk it out open and honestly when he was sober. He couldn’t let that happen, he had to push him past the point of forgiveness.

Taako drew his arm back, and being careful not to hit Kravitz or anything near him, he threw his bottle at the wall and watched it shatter, spraying red all over the room.  “Fuck you! Not my fault I can’ talk to you unless m’drunk!”

Kravitz had flinched away, now he whipped his head back around to look at Taako with wide surprised eyes. Taako could see fire dancing in his eyes, the way it did when Kravitz was staring down a bounty, not his boyfriend. “What is the matter with you?”

“Fuck off, I’m perf...Taako brand, baby,” Taako stumbled forward, pushing Kravitz roughly aside. He moved to the kitchen, pretending he didn’t care enough to stick around and watch Kravitz react. He just pretended to search for more booze. It also gave him an excuse to not look Kravitz in the eye and see the hurt there.

Kravitz grabbed Taako’s arm, pulling him away from the fridge. “If you want to talk, then talk. Clearly something is bothering you enough that you...You...went and got yourself pissed." He sounded frustrated, slipping into his cockney accent without thinking.

Taako struggled against Kravitz’s grip. “Lemme go you ass.”

Kravitz let go, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. He didn’t want this to escalate any further. He could feel his frustration from the past few weeks at work threatening to spill.

Before he could think his actions through, Taako shoved Kravitz hard. “Fuck you! You think you can put your hands on me? I get you were super lonely before yours truly but don’t forget who I am, I have a million suitors, I could drop you easy.”

Kravitz practically snarled. “Oh yes, how could I possibly forget who you are when no one will let me forget! I may as well be dust next to the great self-important Taako!”

Taako bit his lip, he’d done it. He’d broken down his sweet loving boyfriend....pushed him past the point of forgiving him. He could do this, he could break Kravitz’s heart in such a way that it would mend but never again trust Taako.

“I might have been lonely before I met you, but at least I actually had compassion even without a working heart. What’s your excuse for being so horrible?” Kravitz continued.

Any heart Taako had shattered into a million pieces. Maybe he was pushing this too far? He started to panic, his breath picking up as he remembered all the horrible things he’d said and done tonight. “A celebrity who saved the goddamn universe doesn’t need a heart, just more fucking alcohol.”

Kravitz drew away, a disgusted look on his face. “How could I have been so blind to have fallen for someone like you. I should have known when I met you that you were just what you appeared to be. A selfish, cruel, ignorant little mortal who couldn’t give a damn if his life depended on it. Or maybe only if HIS life depended on it and nobody else's….”

Kravitz looked Taako dead in the eyes “...I should never have gone to that pottery shop with you.”

Taako broke then, he had to turn towards the counter to keep Kravitz from seeing the tears in his eyes.

“Fuck, Taako, was this some game to you? Did you just want to charm me for immortality? I… I loved you.”

Taako pressed a hand over his mouth, forcing himself to remain still. Did that mean Kravitz stopped loving him? So easily?

“...Leave,” he whispered, barely audible.

“What?”

“I said leave!” at least Taako had an excuse for crying now, he could turn around and face Kravitz without giving it all away. He whirled around, tears flying from his eyes. “Get the fuck out of here! I never want to see your stupid face again. Especially not in my house.”

Kravitz wordlessly summoned his scythe without ever looking away from Taako. He cut open a portal and just like that he was gone.

Taako stood there for several heavy seconds after Kravitz left, his whole body shaking. He fell to the ground soon after, and had just enough presence of mind to struggle back up to his feet and get a glass of water. He threw it back, coming up gasping for air with a throat made raw by stifled tears.

Breaking up with Kravitz wasn’t what made this hard. What made it hard was hearing Kravitz’s angry, honest thoughts. Did he really believe Taako was using him? After all this time?

Had he done the right thing?

“I love you Taako and...I think at this point everyone in reality is going to love you and...nothing’s gonna change that.”

Fuck this, Taako was ready to get drunk for real. He wasn’t stopping until he didn’t even remember his own name let alone Kravitz’s. He was going to get void-fish drunk and then he was going to sleep until it stopped hurting.

Lup suspected something was wrong when Kravitz didn’t show up for work, but her suspicions only grew when Taako didn’t answer her call.

Taako always answered, sometimes even when Lup rather he didn’t. She spoke into the stone again, hoping to get him. “Taako come on, whatever sex you’re having can’t be THAT good.”

She frowned at the stone in her grip, looking over at Barry. “I’m gonna go check on him. I don’t care if I get scarred for life.”

Stepping into Taako’s house was like stepping into a nightmare.

First of all, she nearly broke her neck when she stepped out of the portal and onto an empty bottle. Then there was the glass shards everywhere, and the dirty dishes no one had bothered to do with food no one had bothered to finish still on them.

Panic seized her. “Taako?!” She called loudly, floating over the disastrous floor towards her brother’s room.

There was no answer, but she realized as she entered the bedroom that that was because Taako didn’t feel like answering.

He was awake, sitting in front of his bed with his back against the frame. He had the blanket wrapped around him like an enormous cloak, and he was staring deep into a bottle of vodka as if it was a magic mirror. He looked gaunt, and the bags under his eyes were terrible. His hair looked unwashed and was tangled to hell. He didn’t look up as his sister entered.

“Taako, talk to me,” Lup said, kneeling down and grabbing her brother’s shoulder.

He tried to speak and ended up coughing instead, his throat sore. He tried again. “Why does doing the right thing hurt so fucking bad?” He whispered.

“What did you do?” Lup asked, but Taako only looked down at the ground in shame. “Taako. What. Did. You. Do?”

Her brother started crying, soft and slow like he’d already used up most of his tears. Lup felt her heart ache, and she stood up.

“Alright. Shower. Now.”

“Lup…”

“Taako I swear to god I’ll strip and carry you if I have to, get your ass in the shower and you don’t get to take that.” she snatched the bottle from his hands and before he could grab it back she walked to the window and poured it out.

“Hey!” Taako yelled, wobbling to his feet. It wasn’t hard for Lup to grab him and toss him over her shoulder.

“Alright, since you wanna be difficult…” she carried Taako to the shower and dropped him inside, flicking on the water and drenching Taako and his clothes.

Taako groaned. “I can do this myself, just toss in some new clothes.”

“Use soap, don’t just stand there and pout!” Lup ordered as she left the room.

First she searched the closet and found a simple pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt she suspected was Kravitz’s to toss into the bathroom. Then she set about cleaning the mess her brother had made of his expensive house.

The uneaten food broke her heart. Not only was Taako not eating, but he wasn’t even really cooking. It was all instant food, convenience store crap. The broken glass was bad too, it looked like Taako had tossed a whole bottle at something or someone. That was the only bottle he’d wasted by the look of all the other empties around the place.

As the water turned off she heard a screech that sent her running back into the room.

“Literally any other shirt!” Taako yelled as he threw the shirt at Lup and slammed the bathroom door shut again.

Her stomach twisted. Now she had a better idea what had caused her brother’s breakdown, even if she didn’t know the specifics. There was only one reason why Taako wouldn’t want Kravitz’s shirt.

She found another shirt, one she remembered clearly was Magnus’s. She left it on the doorknob and went to the kitchen to make something that might soak up all the alcohol in her brother’s stomach. As she cooked she sent a quick message to Barry, telling him she wouldn’t be working today and to try and find Kravitz if he could.

Taako took awhile to come out and Lup was pretty sure it was because of his outburst from earlier.

He lurched like a zombie into the kitchen, giving her food a baleful look before getting himself a glass of water and retreating back to the bedroom.

Or at least he tried to before Lup hooked a finger into the collar of his shirt and stopped him in his tracks.

“Sit.” she ordered, pointing to the nearby table.

Taako obeyed his sister’s order but just buried his head into his arms once he’d sat down. Lup filled a plate for him, she’d made some simple breakfast foods guessing this would be Taako’s first meal of the day at….well, well past noon.

She placed it in front of him and then sat in the opposite chair, steepling her fingers in front of her and waiting patiently for Taako to sit up.

“C’mon Ko, we both know you can’t resist my cinnamon walnut pancakes,” she said, letting her tone become playful. “Remember cycle 43? You died trying to get walnuts from the local and very mean natives just so I could make them.”

He sat up and stared at the pancakes, then back at his sister. “I’m not hungry.” He said simply. “I don’t want to talk Lup, I don’t want to eat. Just let me drink and rot away in peace.”

Lup slammed her palms against the table, jostling the silverware and startling Taako.

“Taako, I know you’re feeling real shitty right now but just look at me for a second?” she said, her voice like a fire raising up. “Do you see my face? Same as your face, right? Because we’re twins. We’re siblings. We shared the same womb, we shared the same life, and we share everything else we have because that’s what siblings do. What siblings do not do is let their brothers drink themselves to death because of some breakup.”

At the mention of the break up Taako looked away, using one hand to cover his face. “You can’t, you can’t just say that like he’s any other guy! You can’t, he’s not dust like everyone else was okay?! Don’t treat him like that.”

“Why did you break up, Taako?”

“He wasn’t happy.” He choked out, still refusing to make eye contact.

“Did he say that to you?”

“He didn’t have to…”

“Oh, Koko… “ Lup sighed. “He was never happier than when he was talking about you. What could’ve made you think differently?”

“My track record for the first part,” Taako laughed coldly. “He told me...people were using me to get off scot free from death. He told me no one feared him anymore and that he wasn’t able to do his job, and that he was too busy worrying about me to...feel anything else.”

There was a pregnant pause before Taako spoke up again. “I made myself the center of his universe...just like I always do...and I ruined it for him.”

Lup reached across the table and took Taako’s hand in hers. “Why didn’t you say that to him then?”

“Because he’d just find a way to tell me I was wrong?” Taako laughed a bit, tears in his eyes. “Because...he’s such a good guy he...he always makes me feel better...but I needed him to feel better this time. I needed him to move on and not miss me so he could be happy...that’s why I…” he trailed off, pursing his lips.

Lup frowned. “I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think he’s very happy… He hasn’t been to work in days.”

“What?” Taako’s ears lifted in surprise, the highest Lup had seen them since she’d arrived here.

“No one knows where he is,” Lup said. “I kind of assumed he was here… But he clearly isn’t, and hasn’t been.”

“Well, we have to find him,” Taako said, standing up quickly.

“Should be a bit easier now that I know how you were living,” Lup said. “He’s probably hiding out somewhere being miserable.”

Taako swore softly. “I fucked up… Lup I fucked up so badly.”

She patted his shoulder. “We all do it, you guys just need to talk it out like fucking adults.”

“What, like you and Barry do that?” Taako raised an eyebrow at her.

“Honey, Barry gets an update if I wake up feeling mildly discontented,” Lup said. “Which, to be honest, might be unhealthy in the other direction, but at least we’re honest with each other. You can’t hide how you feel and then expect the other person to understand. You’re setting yourself up for failure coding everything.”

“Can we please find Kravitz and then you can lecture me on how your relationship is so much better than mine?”

Lup rolled her eyes. “Alright, but be prepared to take notes, sucka,” she teased. “Why don’t you stay here and call him?” She suggested. “Barry and I will keep looking for him.”

Taako swallowed thickly. “Yeah, sure, no problem, I can absolutely call him.”

Lup smiled at her brother and summoned her scythe, opening up a portal.

“Oh, and Taako? Eat your goddamn pancakes or I’ll force them into your mouth.” she grinned sweetly, baring canines, and then vanished.

Taako did indeed eat his pancakes, washing them down with some pinot grigio. He couldn’t just call Kravitz up out of the blue. Not after everything he’d said. He’d just top off his buzz a little to take the edge off, give himself some liquid courage so he could do this. So he could fix things. If sober Taako fucked things up then drunk Taako would glue them back together.

He sat on the couch, watching as the sun set through the window and cast an orange light over the living room. His palms were sweaty, and he kept running a thumb over his stone of farspeech saying to himself: “okay call him...now….now...call him...NOW”.

As he tried to tune into Kravitz’s frequency he heard a crash, like glass shattering. He stood, turning towards the source of the sound.

“What, you assholes couldn’t even be bothered to check the door? It was unlocked! You had to just break my window?”

Before he could get anymore drunken snark across, one of the intruders: a man in a dark cloak, pinned him to the wall by his throat.

“Tell the reaper we have his boy toy,” he said to another intruder.

Taako struggled against the man’s grip, trying to reach for the spare wand he kept tucked in his pocket but it was no use. He felt lightheaded already, losing his grip on his stone of farspeech so it clattered to the floor.

The other intruder busied himself with some sort of ritual preparation. He was spreading out raven’s feathers and onyx. Taako knew enough about this school of magic to know they were going to try and speak to Kravitz through a spell, most likely to tell him that if he didn’t leave them alone they’d kill Taako.

Well, at least I fixed this problem, right? Taako thought wryly.

His ears flickered. He could hear the faint static from his stone, meaning it was tuned to someone else’s frequency. He had to say something, had to warn him.

He tried to speak, but the man pushed his forearm deeper into Taako’s throat. Black spots appeared in front of his eyes as his lungs struggled to inflate.

“Are you almost done? Will it work if he’s passed out?” The intruder asked.

The other one grunted. “This stuff takes time, don’t make him pass out or we’ll have to wait longer and we’re running on a time limit as is.”

The man eased up, and Taako’s feet touched the ground again. He coughed, and tried to think with a muddled oxygen deprived and wine soaked brain.

“He won’t come,” he said. “He won’t come, I broke his heart he doesn’t love me anymore.”

“Yeah, okay,” the man holding him scoffed.

“No, really,” Taako said. “I kicked him out of the house, that’s why he’s not here.” he subtly dropped his location into the sentence. “I told him I could have anyone else if I wanted. Got him real mad. He won’t come back.”

The guy’s face screwed up. “Wow that was kinda assholeish dude. Why would you say that?” Taako looked at the stone of farspeech, then he closed his eyes. Maybe it would be better if Kravitz didn’t come, if he could be free. “...because I love him.”

“Jerry, get your shit together, this isn’t some gossip time sleepover party we need him for this ritual.” The guy setting up the summoning circle said. “Aw come on! He’s clearly hurting, I’m just talking to the guy.” The man - Jerry- whined in protest.

“He’ll be hurting a lot more if his ex doesn’t come for him.”

Jerry brought Taako over to the summoning circle, pushing him down to his knees. “What do we do with him if death doesn’t show?”

The other intruder looked up, a knife in hand, and gave a sinister smile. “What, you never heard of lucky elf’s ears?”

“That’s pretty fucked up… This is why I married ya~” Jerry replied, blowing a kiss.

Taako rolled his eyes. He was gonna die, and to add insult to injury he was gonna die at the hands of true love. Great.

They waited there for Kravitz to show, and with each passing minute Taako’s heart sank. Eventually, Jerry’s husband sighed and stood, lifting his knife. “Well, guess that’s it. Search the house, take anything expensive or magical. I’ll strip the elf of his ears and whatever other parts we might ne-”

Suddenly there was a sound like a snap, amplified so loud that Taako’s ears rang. A portal opened up on the floor inches away from where Taako was kneeling.

A dark cloaked figure soared out of the portal, black wings pounding against the air and sending feathers flying. Taako’s eyes widened: he was still so fucking beautiful.

Kravitz stayed in the air just inches off the floor, his face furious, eyes glowing. He raised his weapon, swiping it downwards in a deadly arc that swiftly dispatched Jerry. Jerry’s husband tried to get a spell off, but it glanced off Kravitz’s wings harmlessly. Kravitz raised his scythe again and with a sickening sound he separated the man’s head from his shoulders.

Kravitz grabbed the souls now freed from their bodies, his hand turning skeletal where it touched the immortal essence. “No one touches him.” He growled before sending the souls off to the eternal stockade. He could feel the tension still in his shoulders as he willed his scythe away, landing on the floor softly.

He didn’t vanish his wings, not yet. He wasn’t sure if he was staying, but he needed to see Taako.

The elf was still on the floor, staring up at Kravitz with watery eyes.

“Are you okay?” Kravitz asked gently.

Taako looked at him in disbelief, then his face slowly contorted into the biggest frown Kravitz had ever seen as Taako burst into tears at the idea of the man whose heart he broke asking if he was okay.

Kravitz’s heart twisted as he rid himself of his wings to kneel in front of Taako. He reached out hesitantly towards him, a reflex, but paused. “Taako… I- I need to know what’s going on. Please, talk to me.” He offered his hand to Taako, allowing him to make the first move if he wanted to.

Taako didn’t need any more prompting. He grabbed Kravitz’s hand and pulled himself into Kravitz’s chest, wrapping his arms around the reaper. “I’m so sorry, I fucked up and i'm sorry.”

Taako just kept going from there, words falling from his mouth like a waterfall as he explained the whole thing. “I just w-wanted you to b-be happy, and I thought...I thought t-that I was making you m-miserable, but all I-I did was scare you a-and make it worse, and make you n-not love me anymore,” he sobbed.

Kravitz held Taako tightly in his arms, rocking him back and forth as he cried. “Shhh, please calm down, it’s alright.” It was a lie, what Taako had said days ago had hurt, but hearing his Taako sob hurt much worse now that he knew the truth. “Breathe darling, please.”

Taako took a few desperate breaths, and scrubbed at his eyes. He tried to make himself look presentable for Kravitz. “I did something so shitty...I’m so sorry...I should have just talked to you instead of...fucking acting out a way to push you away. I’m everything you said I was...I’m selfish, cruel, and ignorant.”

“I wasn’t any better.” Kravitz sighed. “I wish you had just talked to me, but I should have been more clear. I’m sorry I ever made you think that I was miserable because of you. I was angry, I wasn’t thinking. This is just different, being with someone is different, but it’s ultimately a good thing.”

“You’re saying...I’m worth it?”

“You’re worth everything to me, Taako.”

Taako looked at Kravitz, gently running the tips of his fingers along the reaper’s jaw. “Where were you this whole time?”

Kravitz sighed. “I just...went to an old bolt-hole of mine. I was angry at first, I just hit the wall until I was tired...then I was sad. I couldn’t think or stand...I just sat there thinking about our fight over and over again. Then...I heard your voice.”

“Why would you come to help me? After everything I said?”

“Taako I don’t- I don’t care if we break up, or if you’re horrible to me. I won’t let anyone hurt you. You might be a weakness but you’re one of my greatest strengths. My love for you keeps me going.”

Taako traced Kravitz’s lips with the tip of his finger, relishing the feeling of his boyfriend’s arms around him. “I...I don’t ever want to do that again. I love you...and I’d give you my everything.” He bit his lip. “Can we ever get back to how things were?”

Kravitz ran a hand through Taako’s hair in a soothing motion. “We can’t just undo what we said, so not quite.” He smiled ever so slightly. “But we can keep talking, keep being honest with each other. We can grow and heal and learn, together. If… If that’s what you want.”

“Kravitz, there’s nothing I want more, than being happy with you.” Taako crawled further into Kravitz’s lap and nuzzled up against him. Kravitz smiled, feeling himself warm at Taako’s touch, feeling his heart start beating again.

The house was still trashed from the home invasion, and Taako and Kravitz were still raw and vulnerable from the fight, but it was nothing they couldn’t fix.

[westallenfun]

My Best Friend’s Almost Boyfriend – 2/3

Westallen Secret Santa gift from @backtothestart02 for @onthecyberseas

Synopsis: AU - Barry Allen is an up-and-coming singer, and Iris West is the reluctant reporter who has to interview him.

…

When the setting sun started to dip into the floor-to-ceiling windows enough to blind her, Iris decided it was time to go home. What a wasted trip, she thought, her mounting annoyance causing her to stomp out of the room and repeatedly press the elevator button until the doors opened.

Everything inside her wanted to throw in the towel. She didn’t have the time or the patience for this, and she had a grudge. The last thing she wanted to do was give Barry Allen the time of day when he clearly had no interest in giving her his. But that little voice in the back of her head was screaming that if she let her emotions rule how she went about this particular story, she could kiss her dreams of a promising career goodbye. Sure, there might be other possibilities in the future, but none so bright as this one.

And if her boss found out she dropped the story instead of simply rescheduling – what if he got locked out of his house? Or his car? Or an emergency came up? Or his phone died so he couldn’t call her? She could hear all the options pouring out of her boss’s mouth in her head. And if he knew she’d dropped it because she’d simply been annoyed? Well, he would probably relegate her to the engagement announcements and obituaries page at the back of the newspaper.

No, she had to handle this with finesse. Unfortunately.

All the frustration inside her nearly burst forth when her stomach growled as she stepped out of the elevator on the first floor. The granola bar she’d stuck in her purse had been inhaled hours ago. That had been at two pm, too much for her to resist back when he was three hours late. Now it was six, and she was badly in need of substantial food.

She’d call Linda as soon as she got in her car. They could get take out Chinese or go grab some Big Belly Burger and inhale all the calories greedily. They’d buy wine from the next-door liquor store and pour into those large engraved wine glasses they’d gotten each other last Christmas. They’d make it a girl’s night. Tomorrow was Saturday. They could stay up and trash talk Barry Allen until they couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore.

It would be great.

But just as she rounded the corner and headed for the entrance, she stopped suddenly in her high heel shoes. Because there, standing right outside the door, was none other than Barry Allen with a paper pressed against the glass and the words ‘I’m sorry’ written in what looked to be a chunky black crayon.

Her brows narrowed as she resumed walking. She stopped a foot before the door and glared at him.

“You’re late,” she said, loud enough for him to hear without opening the door.

“My phone died,” he said, moving his sign down a little lower, in case she hadn’t seen it.

She held her tongue until the urge to call him every insulting name in the book receded to a manageable proportion.

“You do remember that our appointment was at eleven, right?”

He couldn’t meet her eyes.

“In the morning?”

He winced, then lifted his palm up to her where the smudged pen ink read: Iris interview @ 11am. Don’t miss. Studio.

She shook her head and scoffed; disgusted, unimpressed, and far from forgiving.

“Let me take you out to dinner,” he said before she could interrogate him further.

Her jaw dropped, and her mind went blank. It took her a while before she could find her voice.

“I…beg your pardon?”

He sighed. “I messed up. Let me buy you dinner. You can interview me, and I promise the place will be nice. You won’t be eating a burger and fries.”

‘I happen to like burgers and fries’ was on the tip of her tongue, but she decided not to give him the advantage of knowing she was a cheap date.

“You think treating me to your version of a nice dinner is going to make up for the seven hours I wasted waiting for you today?” she fumed, but she knew she was weakening.

“No...” he hedged, “but I bet you’re hungry, and you would rather not reschedule our interview for another day, right?”

She stifled her sigh and glared up at him.

“You’re right. I am hungry.”

He relaxed some.

“Which is why there is no way in hell I’m going to a sit-down restaurant where I have to wait twenty minutes to get my food,” she spat.

His lips parted, and to her satisfaction he looked at a loss for words, but he quickly recovered.

“Appetizers come in five?” he offered.

Her eyes narrowed. “Is that a question?”

“I haven’t been there in years,” he confessed. She almost snorted. “But I can’t imagine the place has changed all that much. The original owner is still there, and the place is always crowded.”

“I thought you haven’t been there in years.” He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. “And if it’s so busy, what makes you think you can get us in? Wouldn’t you have to have made a reservation like…a week ago?”

He avoided her gaze briefly, but inevitably his eyes flickered back to hers where she was looking at him in shock and reluctantly, awe.

“You made a reservation?”

“Yeah...actually.” He nervously pulled at the collar of his jacket.

“For me?” She shook her head and blinked several times, telling herself she should not be so starstruck just because this up-and-coming pop star who she hated had planned to take her out for a fancy dinner after their interview. She cleared her throat and gathered her receding anger. “You have some nerve.”

His eyes widened in a panic.

“You think you can just whisk me off my feet? Because your singing career is taking off? I don’t know if this works on all the other girls you proposition, but I am not an idiot, Barry Allen. And I have not forgotten what you did three years ago.”

That’s right, Barry Allen! She thought to herself, the feeling of righteous anger rising up in her as she said the words aloud. Take that!

“Are you…talking about Linda?” he asked.

She couldn’t tell if he was hesitant, confused, or curious.

“You remember her name. Amazing.”

“Of course, I remember.” His eyes went wide, eager to reassure her. “Iris, what did she tell you about what happened?”

She scoffed. “She didn’t tell me anything! Ever! How can that mean anything except that you never bothered to talk to her after ditching her two seconds after arriving for your date! She was heartbroken!”

She decided not to mention the little run-in with his friends she’d had three days after the incident.

Barry frowned. “But Caitlin and Cisco said-”

“Who the hell are Caitlin and Cisco?”

“My friends,” he said. “They said they ran into Linda’s best friend a few days after our date-”

“Failed date,” she spat. He ignored that.

“I assumed it was you,” he continued.

She could only maintain her huffing for so long. This was already getting so ridiculous with them carrying on this heated conversation on opposite sides of a closed door.

She sighed.

“So what if it was?” She rolled her eyes. “They never told me their names or what you said to Linda.”

He pressed his forehead to the glass, and when she finally looked up at him, the look of adoration nearly stole her breath.

“Let me take you to dinner,” he requested softly. “I promise I’ll explain everything.” He lifted his head. “And I’ll answer any question you want honestly, on or off the record.”

She squinted suspiciously. “Why?”

A heart-stopping smile started to spread across his face.

“I’m an open book for you, Iris West.”

…

Pacing back and forth in a dimly lit corridor where Barry couldn’t see her, Iris listened to what her friend had to say. It was becoming increasingly difficult to not believe this was a dream.

“You should go out with him, Iris.”

She stopped walking. The silence was deafening, and it lingered for a full minute.

“Iris?” Linda asked, concerned.

“I’m sorry, I thought I just heard my best friend tell me to go out with the guy that broke her heart.”

On the other end, Linda rolled her eyes.

“He didn’t break my heart.”

Iris said nothing.

“Okay, so it took me a little while to get over it, I admit it.”

“Thank you.”

“He was cute and an amazing singer, and I thought he was into me. So sue me for being a little excited.”

“No one’s blaming you, Lin.” Iris softened. “That’s entirely my point. Why would you want me to go out with a guy who got you all worked up and then had commitment issues before the date even started?”

Linda laughed. “He didn’t have commitment issues. In his own way, he was doing me a favor. I just couldn’t appreciate it in the moment, because…well, you know.”

“What are you talking about? How could he not have had commitment issues if he ditched you before you even left CCPN? What did he say to you later that he and his two friends keep reminding me of that you never did?” She was getting louder, but she didn’t care. Being out of the loop, especially from your best friend, totally sucked.

“I didn’t want you to feel bad.”

“About what?” she demanded.

Linda took a breath. “He met someone else.”

“When did he have the time to meet someone else? It was less than twenty-four hours between when you gave him your number and when he showed up for your date. I saw him when he came through the door, Lin. He was so excited for that date. Or at least he looked like it, the jackass,” she muttered under her breath.

“It was after I left to get my jacket,” Linda said calmly.

Iris was fuming. She wished she’d just spit it out already.

“Lin,” she said slowly, trying her best to be patient. “It couldn’t have been then either. No one came up to meet him or even walked into the room. The few people that were there were busy at their desks. I didn’t see a single one of them look up. I was the only one who he-”

She stopped, realization dawning.

“No.”

“Mhmm.”

“But…I didn’t-… I never… God, Linda, I didn’t flirt with him. I swear I didn’t. I never led him on. I was just being nice. I-”

“Hey, hey, I know. That’s why I never told you. I didn’t want you to feel bad. None of it was your fault.”

Iris ran a hand through her hair and started to pace again.

“It was definitely his fault, though.”

“What was he gonna do, Iris? Pretend to be into me, so he wouldn’t hurt my feelings, when what he really wanted was to be on a date with my best friend?”

“He could’ve given you a chance, Linda. He might not have been into me after a few minutes, anyway.”

“Maybe.” She shrugged. “But I think I’d rather be on a date with someone who was completely infatuated with me, not the idea of someone else.”

“You’re a better catch.”

Linda laughed.

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Iris scolded.

“I’m not.” She paused. “Look, it’s been three years. I was hurt, but I got over it within a week. I never expected you to hold a grudge this long, though. I’m honored, truly.”

Iris sighed and dragged a hand down over her face.

“You’re my best friend, and he hurt you. How could I possibly let that go? Plus, he was super late today, Lin. It took him six hours to show up. Six hours.”

Laughter rippled through the phone from the other end.

“That’s a long time to wait for an interview.”

“Hell yeah, it is!”

“But you did it.”

“My shining career was on the line.”

“No ulterior motive then?”

“I was looking forward to thoroughly insulting him on your behalf, so what?”

“Iris…”

“What?”

“It’s been three years. And truth be told, about a month after the incident, I tracked him down and tried to persuade him to ask you out.”

“What?” she shrieked.

“You guys are perfect for each other, honestly. He’s a catch, but so are you. I think you should give him a chance. I 100% guarantee that I won’t begrudge you for that. Especially since I just started dating your brother.”

Iris came to a halt again. She tried to wrap her head around that little factoid, but it was proving even more difficult than the first revelation.

“You want to run that by me again?”

“You heard me.”

“How long have you been dating?”

“A month.”

“A month?!”

“I wanted to tell you sooner, but he said you’d freak.”

“I am freaking. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me sooner. I can’t believe he didn’t. I can’t believe-”

“I said your dad would be harder, and he agreed with that. He doesn’t know I told you, so maybe don’t attack him when you see him because he wanted to tell you first.”

Iris focused on breathing.

“He’s twenty-four,” she finally said.

“And you and I are twenty-eight. It’s not like he’s a minor, Iris, and he’s very mature for his age. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of him.”

Iris sighed. “Yeah, I don’t doubt that…”

“Look, we can talk about how he and I met and how you’re not going to tell your dad until we have a real game plan later. I know I’ve got your approval, just like you know you’ve got mine about Barry.”

“Uh huh,” she said numbly, still struggling to comprehend.

“Great,” Linda said cheerfully. “You know what you’re going to do now, right?”

“What?” she asked, at a loss.

“You’re going to hang up the phone, go back to wherever you left Barry Allen hanging, and go on that date with him.”

“It’s an interview.”

Linda smiled tenderly, imagining her quietly spazzed best friend on the other end.

“Make it more than that,” she said, and hung up the phone.

Slowly Iris lowered the phone from her ear, saw it had ended, and dropped into her purse. She took a deep breath and returned to the locked glass doors where Barry was still standing. He immediately straightened when he saw her coming, a look of hope and anticipation in his gaze.

“Well? Did you talk to her?” he asked, far too eagerly.

“I did,” she allowed.

“And?”

“it was really shitty of you to ditch her on your first date. You could’ve at least given her a chance.”

His face fell, heartbreak written all over it.

Good.

But then her face softened.

“That said…”

He looked up at her hesitantly.

“I just found out she’s dating my kid brother, and she’s of the opinion you and I would be great together, so if you want to buy me a free meal at some ritzy fine dining restaurant and are willing to answer any question I have for the interview, well then…”

He watched her with baited breath. Her hand slowly moved to the door handle and she yanked the door open. She took one step outside, very aware of their height difference even in her heels when she came to a stop.

“You better pick me up on time, because this opportunity won’t present itself again.”

He blinked, and she smiled slyly. She pushed her purse up higher and moved past him to walk down the street to her car.

“One hour, Allen,” she said from a distance. “I’ll text you my address.”

Barry stood dumbfounded even after she’d driven away. Then, miraculously, he snapped out of it and ran the five blocks to the parking garage.

It took him twenty minutes to get home, another twenty to get ready, but luck was on his side because he arrived at Iris West’s apartment five minutes early, fidgeting about as he stood waiting.

When the door opened and the whoosh of air blew past him, he was taken aback. But the sight of Iris West in a little black dress with simple earrings and her hair tied back with a small jewel-encrusted barrette stole his breath.

“Wow,” he let out, the sound of his pounding heart beat loud and resounding in his ears.

“You clean up nice too, Mr. Allen,” she said, but he couldn’t tell if she was being polite or not. “Shall we?” She offered her arm, and immediately he took it as she locked up behind her and closed the door.

The warmth of her body beside his was a drug he’d longed to indulge in for years.

“So, where are we going?” she asked after he’d held the door open for her and she’d settled into her seat.

He turned the key in the ignition and turned to her before driving onto the road.

“It’s a surprise.”

[glasgowgirl92-blog]

Linstead: The Playlist - When someone stops loving you.

Okay, so this originally wasn’t next. However conversations with @halsteadpd have been full of realisations and this was one of them. You’ve rocked this week in listening to me rant and rave and discussing all kinds of theories with me! So this one is for you. 

There should be another one of these up on Monday and hopefully another Lullaby chapter, too!

Anyway, this is When Someone Stops Loving You  by Little Big Town and really, for posterity, you should listen to it while reading this. It just adds to the whole ugly crying experience. This piece is angsty as all get out and really should have trigger warnings probably, I just don’t know what to tag. 

Still gotta button up your collared shirt The one she used to button down Sleep on the mattress where her body left a curve Or maybe just the couch

The only time Jay was usually in either a suit, his military green or his Police blues these days were court appearances or funerals. Which is why when the chance to go undercover as a uniform had come up, Jay had jumped at the chance. Give himself a different set of memories in the uniform.

The case had closed now, and Jay hadn’t bothered to change back into his regular clothes, he’d finished his paperwork and headed straight home, making one stop on the way.  It had been months. Months of nothing but silence. He’d fallen into his routine and it was unshakable, he’d been numb. He’d been numb until he’d heard Al talking to Voight about how she was doing in New York and suddenly he’d felt sick. He’d broken out in a cold sweat and he’d had to go make himself coffee in the breakroom to calm himself back down. The raw grief gripping him hard. It had felt like someone had torn his heart from his chest and all of a sudden he was empty again. Hollow. But the agony had stayed, taken up residence in his chest, and it beat like his heart did. Every step, every breath hurt and he had no idea how it was going to work.

So on the way home; to his new apartment, one that didn’t have floor to ceiling windows and band posters, he’d stopped at the liquor store. He’d promised Will that he wouldn’t do this again, promised the guys at his support group that he’d talk it out, but he didn’t much feel like talking about this. Not tonight anyway. Tonight, he wanted an escape. He wanted the numbness back. He didn’t feel strong enough to talk it out, to actually voice the thoughts that had been bouncing around his head since the moment she left the breakroom, leaving him stranding there, gripping the counter. Jay had hated the pity in her eyes, hated the way she left him, but he hated the hurt in her eyes more – knowing he was the one who put it there.

His key turned in the lock and he pushed the door open, his tie and jacket being tossed haphazardly in the general direction of the coat hook, his vest following suit. He walked into the living room, pausing in the doorway, debating a glass, but deciding he didn’t need it. He snorted at the blanket and the pillow on the sofa. He hadn’t slept in an actual bed since he walked out of her – their – apartment. He’d tried when he moved in here. But sleep wouldn’t come and he found himself back out on the sofa. Will had found it strange when he needed a place to crash that he got the bed, but he decided not to question it.

Jay dropped onto the sofa and placed his badge and gun on the table, nudging them over with his foot as he leaned back and put his feet on the table, reaching for the remote and turning the sports highlights on. Removing the bottle of whiskey from the paper bag, he opened and it took a large swig, wincing as he swallowed and coughing, but taking another swig. After the third, the amber liquid went down smoothly and he settled himself back into the cushions, the last few years flicking through his mind.

He loved her. Probably had from the moment he set eyes on her; hearing her give Antonio shit. That raspy voice of hers and then her laugh. Just thinking about his now was like a punch to his gut and he took another swig to dull the pain. She’d given him a look when he walked in, called him cocky. He’d bit back the original retort and went for something along the lines of fitting in well here. She’d laughed. Voight had told her to take the grasshopper under her wing, show him the ropes. She’d been his first female partner. She’d set the bar. Erin Lindsey had been a fucking storm in a teacup and Jay Halstead had been the one shattered and scarred when the china had cracked and sprayed in various directions. He’d do it all again, though. Every single little thing. He’d break apart a million and one times to save her; take the fall, take the hit. He knew this just as sure as he knew his army number, just as sure as he knew tomorrow the sun would rise and set.

Jay had never loved anyone the way he loved her. There was something about her that he couldn’t stay away from and it wasn’t sexual. It wasn’t something that he could figure out. She was an enigma to him and his world just felt better knowing that she was gonna be there when he went to work; long before they had started dating, long before he’d gone to her high school reunion with her, he’d known she was going to turn his world upside down.

He swallowed hard and took another drink; something swelling in his chest that he didn’t want to name, but the pain was real. He’d take another bullet in the shoulder. Hell, he’d take a bullet anywhere at this point for this ache to go away. Jay had only known this feeling one other time in his life and as his mind tried to go there he took a longer drink of the liquor, coughing but letting his eyes drift close.

Erin Lindsey was it. That was clear. She wasn’t like the rest of them. She was broken and beautiful and pulled together. She’d left him before. Technically three times, but who was counting? He wasn’t. She’d chosen the job over him; her job. He’d told her he understood that being her partner was enough; but he couldn’t tell her how he slept better with her in his bed, couldn’t tell her she’d been the one to keep him together, to keep the nightmares away. She needed to keep her job and to please Voight. Jay loved his job; but he’d always loved her more. He’d have given his damn badge to keep her, but he understood her want to keep Voight onside.

Then she’d quit. She didn’t tell him; barely looked at him when he’d finally tracked her down. She didn’t care. She’d left him. She’d walked away from him when he’d begged her for closure. He’d needed it, couldn’t deal with the fact there was no goodbye. Just like this time. He took another drink and realised that this was turning into a game of Never Have I with his own damned mind. He’d chuckled, but it was humourless. It sounded broken and fake and he cleared his throat.

She’d come back that time. She’d been the one to save him from the drug Lord after 24 hours of hell. She’d come into the room like a fucking angel and while she looked like hell? She’d been so beautiful in that moment. She’d come back before, the thought offered hope, but as quickly as it rose it was squashed back down. Erin had said she could handle it; handle whatever demons he was fighting, carry the weight of his luggage from war. Under the guise of needing time, though, of them both needing time, she’d taken his confession of seeking help and fled. Then after some pretty painful cases, some heart wrenching interactions, she’d gone.

He'd given the ring back to Will on Monday. Hadn’t said anything, just handed it over. That’s when Will had followed him out into the parking lot and begged him to talk it over. There was no point in talking, however. No point at all. He’d been talking for months, once a week. Didn’t fix him. It broke him on a weekly basis.

How do you talk over not being enough for someone? How do you talk about needing space and getting so much more than you bargained for? How do you talk about someone leaving without saying goodbye? How do you talk about not being worth that much? Jay scrubbed a hand down his face and took another drink before glancing at the bottle and letting out another humourless laugh. He'd managed to drink around a third of the bottle in the half hour he’d been in apartment and the hangover was going to be a bitch when he woke up; but a physical pain was something easier to deal with than the thoughts in his head.

There was another thought circulating; but he’d been pushing that one deeper and deeper. He couldn’t look that one in the eye yet; Jay knew he wouldn’t be able to keep this in check if he did. He’d managed so far at keeping his tears at bay; keeping the tidal wave grief inside for close to a week. He figured he’d past denial and anger, skipped bargaining and was now in the deep depressive state of losing someone. He just didn’t want to be here, wanted to get to the acceptance. Wanted to reach the part that everyone thought he was at. They’d expected him to be there months before she’d taken the job in New York. Except, he wasn’t. Couldn’t. Hope of a reunion was definitely a cruel mistress.

Jay felt his stomach churn and decided that perhaps drinking on an empty stomach was probably the wrong idea; but he was already starting to feel more relaxed, less tense. He was already beginning to go numb. He put his feet on the floor and stood, taking two steps before his stumble had him catching the leg of the coffee table, tripping up and hitting the floor, his hand knocking the small table he’d taken to dumping the keys and sending it flying, the table hitting the floor and the contents of the drawer scattering everywhere. Luckily enough he’d had the wherewithal to keep the bottle from hitting the floor. He pushed to his knees, cradling the bottle and taking another drink as he assessed the damage, wondering if anyone would call the cops or come see if he was okay.

He doubted it. No one actually cared. He’d probably lay here for days before anyone would come looking for him. The thought was a sobering one and Jay took another long pull from the bottle before putting it down on the floor and crawling towards the wreckage, because it was safer this way and it wouldn’t hurt so much if he fell over. There were the usual things in that drawer; spare batteries, bullets for his gun, an address book, a pen and paper, a candle and a lighter. He gathered the items up, dropping some again and then finally putting them all in the drawer and righting the table, sliding the drawer back in.

A piece of paper caught his eye, near the entrance to the kitchen and he reached to get it, wobbling slightly but catching himself and dragging it towards him. When Jay turned the paper over, his breath caught and his word spun. It was a picture of him and his mother, he was about 5 and she was smiling at him as he played with his police car. Jay felt the bile rise in his throat and he put the photo on the table as he stumbled to his feet, crashing shoulder first into the wall and groaning before finally making it to the bathroom and emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

He managed to get his knees under him as he hugged the porcelain, body shuddering through the heaves of his body. Bourbon never did taste quite as good coming back up as it did going down. When he finally was reduced to drive heaves he wiped his mouth and pushed to his feet, flushing the toilet and moving to the sink to rinse his mouth out. He caught sight of himself in the mirror when he spat into the sink and saw his mother’s eyes looking back at him in place of his own and suddenly couldn’t hold it in anymore; his shoulders shaking as he dropped to the ground again.

His mind was spinning as he allowed himself to feel the rush of emotions; the loss and loneliness, the hurt and the fear, the bitter heartbreak and disappointment, the feelings of inadequacy and emptiness. Jay’s entire body began to shake as he drew his knees to his chest for protection; not fighting the tears as they finally came. Allowing himself to mourn the loss of his relationship; sobbing harder, gasping sobs, as the reality set deep into his bones and the pain rocked him from his core.

Erin had left him multiple times; proved time and time again that she was fine without him; that in their relationship, he was the one who loved the most and he was okay with that. Why was this time so different? Why was this time so final? So permanent?

As his sobs grew louder, the pain tearing through him at an alarming rate along with the one thought he’d tried to keep buried.

Everyone woman he’d ever loved had left him.

 When someone stops loving you It don't keep the sun from rising, the clock from winding, your heart from beating Even when you want it to