#ok ok I feel a lot better know I’m gonna go home and chill now and drink tea and write and be happy EEEEEEEE 💕✨🌸

[twistedappletree]

back from mammo/ultrasound and….

ALSJAKJDAJJDAKJDK

🎉 I DONT HAVE CANCER 🎉

funny stuff about what I do have under the cut tho bc the doctor was lowkey hilarious lmao

So basically, I have a shiiiiiiiit ton of fibroadenomas. SO many that the doctor said he’s never seen that many in his entire career and that I set a new world record LMFAO

There’s a few complex cysts but literally nothing concerning so I just have go back in 6 months and repeat the process to make sure none of the cysts or fibroadenomas are growing/changing.

Also I didn’t have enough to pay for even the discounted price for uninsured patients (shit was like $800 like P L S 😭) and since the discounted price is only offered on the day of service, I have to pay the full $1600. BUT I can pay it in increments whenever I can. And also I just really give a fuck because??????

I DONT HAVE CANCER AAAAAHHHHHH 😭😭😭🥹🌸

[jade-jini]

My brain still has some g!p loser virgin Minjeong left so I need to keep talking do not shut me up.

(I need her deep in my *cars collapse*)

Ok clearly she ain’t a virgin anymore lmao but still she’s not experienced at all. You’re surprisingly patient with her:’) guiding her through the basics of it. She was very eager to learn how to eat you out. So when she first did it it was both messy but also so good. “So this is your clit, right?” She asked softly touching it with the tip of her finger, lying in between your legs nsfndk loser. “Yes. Remember what I told you?” “The more I stimulate it the better you feel?” “Good puppy. Do you wa- holy fuck Minjeong!” You couldn’t even finish and she was already licking it up and down 😭 like yeah it felt nice but she was being so messy and impatient you actually had to grab her hair and slowly guide her. Which ended up in you basically fucking her mouth. That day she was so focused on ONLY eating your pussy and using her fingers. She wanted to get better at it and make you proud :( so she kept going until the only reason you were grabbing her hair was because of how good she was making you feel.

“Is that good y/n?” She’d ask while looking up at you and smdnfk those puppy eyes I’m telling you. “So good puppy, you’re so good…” you’d moan while patting her head and that made her so happy.

Minjeong is such an impatient puppy when she’s inside you, so you teach her how to have a less erratic pace, grabbing her hips and guiding her when she’s the one on top, or fucking yourself on her cock when she’s behind you (which she loves even after she gets better). And of course, the more you fuck the better she got at not.. coming so fast dnndkd.

You can’t be too good and patient tho, you torture her a bit and that’s where cockwarming comes in the picture 😌( mainly the reason I wanted to continue writing shdjdjw). You’d take her home after class and since you’ve been teasing her all day, she assumes you guys are gonna have a lot of fun once you’re at your place and she’s so excited already lol. So when you explained to her that you were gonna watch a movie she was a little confused but, nonetheless was ok with spending time with you. Oh but poor thing.. didn’t know what was coming (spoiler alert: not her for a while). You guys were chilling at the sofa, when suddenly you started unzipping her pants which she willingly took off, silently grateful to know all that teasing wasn’t for nothing. When you also took yours off and slowly sat on her shaft, she was quick to grab you and start moving you up and down on it and Omg it felt so good you almost forgot what the plan was. Ah yeah- cockwarming. “Wait-Omg wait minjeong.” “Hm? what’s wrong y/n? Did I hurt you?” She asked worried and immediately stopped sndjdjf why did she have to be so cute all the time. “No no, but there’s something I want us to try today ok? Just stay still, don’t move.” And so she did. But you see, being inside you and not being able to move was so hard for her that not even 20 seconds went by and she was already asking you “w-what do I do now? When can I move?” “Once the movie is done. But you’re gonna go through the whole almost 2 hours without coming, ok?” “..What?!” She gulped. Wdym not coming?! What did she do? Jeongie didn’t understand if this was some type of punishment because nothing sounded crueler than that. You quickly turned around, now facing her and grabbed her face to softly explained to her that she didn’t do anything wrong. You used the excuse of “this will help you last longer”. And she doesn’t have the brain to fact-check on that so she just trusts you 😭. She just wants to make you feel good so she’ll do whatever you ask her for even if it was something as hard as this.

Ofc you didn’t make it easy for her tho. You didn’t only move a little bit throughout the movie, but also left little kisses and praise her from time to time. She’d only hug you closer to her and whimper, trying her best not to lose it. After a little more than an hour tho she was already begging you to please let her come lol and you almost gave in but no! She could hold it in a little longer. She wanted to prove she was your good girl right? So she better behave. Poor girl almost looked in actual pain, sobbing against your chest while she hugged you, whispering how good your pussy felt and how much she needed to come inside it and ughhhh- the rest of the movie was as painful for her as it was for you. Once it was over tho you made sure to reward her and ride her so good ‘till her legs were shaking dndkfnjd. (The pic of minjeong sitting down with that dark shirt-).

She gets touchy too 😳 whenever she gets horny she goes behind you and holds you by the waist, her hand dangerously getting closer to your boobs, but if it’s in public you just look at her, daring her to actually do it. Ofc, she doesn’t 😭 so she just groans and stays holding you. If you’re alone tho she will grab them and get your ass right against her already hard dick, silently begging you for some attention. When y’all fucking her hands will travel everywhere; from spanking your ass, to grabbing your legs, playing with your boobs, grabbing you by the neck 😩specially when she’s behind you, holding you closer and closer to her and you can be sure sometimes you’ll have marks on your skin.

teaching her not only how to pleasure you, but also teaching her things she could do while you’re both far from each other 🙊. A lot of phone sex. Making her masturbate for you either on FaceTime or simple call, talking her through it. If it’s regular call then you’d tell her to describe exactly what she was doing for you. She does it but gets so lost in pleasure she ends up mumbling and moaning. “Hmmgh y/n… I need you here.. I m-miss you so much.. please..”. Also controlling when she comes. Making her touch herself fast then slow then fast again and once you finally tell her to come for you she makes a complete mess in her hand. Telling her to clean it for you and to show you 😳 she looks so hot doing it it makes you fantasize about if you were the one with the dick and how you’d make her suck you off- I’m losing myself rn one second one second.

So yeah anyway girlie ends up becoming so good at fucking you 😳 and she’s so proud of herself.

“You’re such a good fucktoy, just mine. Aren’t you, puppy?”

“Yes y/n, only yours…”

[miffysrambles]

hi! Feel free to not respond, but currently by dog is really sick and has this huge tumor and I know I’m gonna have to put him down soon and it really sucks, but your writing has made this a bit better so could I possibly request Sun Wukong and/or Macaque x reader with a dog? Like how would they react and would they like-call themselves the dogs parent or stuff like that? Feel free not to of course!

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for the late response anon (this ask has been sitting in my inbox for some time now). But I hope you're still around and enjoy!

Wuong and Macaque with an S/O who has a dog

Wukong:

Gods, Wukong LOVES your dog.

You’ll be making a snack for the two of you and you’ll just be hearing the monkey man giggling in the next room as the two play a classic game of tug of war.

You thought it was cute, at first. 

When you realized it was with your sweater, you put an end to it real quick. 

Now in his defense, he didn’t even notice!

Totally calls himself dad to your dog, he spoils the shit out of them.

AVOID PET STORES AT ALL TIMES!

“Hey peaches, you think (dog name) needs this?”

Wukong, no your dog does not need 12 new toys they barely plays with the five new ones you got them at home…

You sometimes bring your dog to Flower Fruit mountain for a small walk and visit which Wukong is ecstatic about.

 The dog is strictly only allowed inside the house for their safety but you three definitely do late night cuddles on his couch. 

You laying against Wukong on one side and your dog resting its head on the other in his lap.

You open your eyes to look uo and see Wukong gently petting them and gently scratching behind their ear with upmost care. 

You smile and close your eyes once more, falling asleep with his arm wrapped around you.

Macaque:

Hilariously, Macaque was kinda nervous around your dog at first.

He won’t admit this to you of course (gotta look all tough in front of you0 but you could tell by the freeze and twitch of his tail. 

Didn’t help the your dog was jumping up at his legs. 

“W-Woah, hey there little guy…”

He tries so hard to keep his cool, cut him some slack. 

However, spending more time with them, he becomes more chill and used to it.

He loves your dog after some time, he even offers to take care of them while your at work.

While your on break, he walks them to your work with some food to surprise you.

“Hey sugar plum, surrrprise.” His smooth voices calls out to you as you sat on a park bench outside your work. 

You smile and he kisses your cheek, your dog barking out for you in excitement and you three spend your limited time together. 

Lots of dates where your dog tags along, one including going to the dog park. 

Macaque was in his human disguise but you could still tell he was a bit unnerved being around so many dogs.

You squeezed his hand, assuring him he was ok and you were there with him.

You couldn’t see it but his tail would’ve flailed like crazy from that.

[ibelivedthehypeam]

Izzy stradlin smut

I’ve been stuck with my brother all day, sat meaninglessly in the studio waiting for him to finish. However the part I didn’t mind was getting to see his friend, who was incredibly attractive.

I had only realised it a few weeks back. The five of them had arranged to meet at axl’s and that’s when I ended up actually getting to know them. Slash was chill, the guy would sit there, smoke and play guitar. Duff and Steven were also incredibly cool guys, duff was almost like a mum while Steven ran around with parts of drums. It took me a while to realise Izzy was there, he was the quietest of the five, he was pretty distracted by his guitar and I couldn’t help but let my eyes linger. He had brown eyes and his hair was dark, he was pretty fucking hot.

Since then we had shared a conversation or two ever so often. If it was about my day or what he was playing it always left me smiling. As we got closer I found myself thinking about him more and more, how his lips would feel if we kissed or how his dick-.

“Hey, you ok.” I was suddenly dragged out of my thoughts by Izzy who looked strangely at me putting his hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m cool just thinking about something Axl said.” I replied thinking quickly to avoid any embarrassment.

He looked convinced and began to show me something he was practicing on his guitar. I complimented what he had wrote as Axl shouted for him by the door. Izzy excused himself walking to whatever Axl wanted to shout at.

After a while I heard Axl say “seriously man don’t, she’s my-!” And some more mutters of annoyance. Steven elbowed duff to get his attention and sniggered at Izzy walking back into the room sheepishly. He smiled at me before getting a beer from the fridge.

“This is so boring, can’t we just watch a movie!” Steven exclaimed putting his drum sticks down and finishing his drink. Slash shrugged and agreed, duff contemplating which movie we could watch. I gave some ideas and Izzy quickly agreed it was a better idea. Axl groaned and thought they could use a break.

Soon enough the six of us were settled in the cramped front room. Duff and slash on the two seater, me and Izzy on the other, Axl on a arm chair and Steven laying in the floor with my cat. After a lot of arguing we had decided on Jaws.

When we had got about half way into the movie Slash had fallen asleep, duff left to see his girlfriend and Izzy had wrapped his arm around my waist his other hand finding mine under the blanket. Axl turned round and glared at Izzy who held me tighter and I giggled, he huffed and turned round again. He moved his hand holding mine to itch his shoulder and my hand slipped down to his thigh. I stroked his leg and circled my thumb. I could feel his heart rate increase as I brought my hand higher up his thigh, my finger between his denim legs. He placed a silent kiss on my shoulder, I looked round to see his eyes dark and his lips curling into a smirk. I checked to see if anyone was watching, Axl nodding to sleep, Slash still laying down on the settee asleep and Steven still immersed in the film. Looking back to Izzy I brought my face closer to his, looking down to his thin, pink lips. He had moved in placing a soft peck to my lips, darting his eyes to Axl, before kissing me again. This time more passionately, slipping his tongue into my mouth. His hand held my cheek, tilting my head to kiss me harder. We pulled away at a grunt from somewhere, both our heads shooting to slash who was stood up laughing his head off.

“What the hell are you laughing at slash?” Axl asked day properly in the chair again. Steven giggled still watching the movie, unaware of what was going on.

“Oh nothing much, gonna head home now.” Slash replied winking at us and pulling Steven up. He and Steve agreed on getting a cab back together.

“You going Iz?” Axl asked obviously wanting to go to bed and so he didn’t have to ‘supervise’ me and Izzy. He moved his hands away from me and stretched rubbing his eyes, I thought he was going.

“Nah i’ll watch the end of this, you can go to bed, I won’t kill her.” Izzy yawned, I visibly grinned and Axl agreed, to tired to care anymore. As soon as he had disappeared into his room izzy looked over at my smirking.

“Your pretty yn.” He admitted and stroked my head before kissing me again. This time it was more needy, I wrapped my hands around his neck and he brought his round my waist. Biting down on his lip, he groaned and I ran my tongue round his mouth.

“You know we could watch this movie in my room.” I suggested smirking at him, seeing his eyes darken with lust. I grabbed his hand and walked up the stairs to my bedroom. As soon as we walked through the door I joined our lips together and he walked us back towards my bed.

He swiftly took his shirt of as I sat on his lap, moving our hips together as he licked and kissed up my chest ridding of my top. I felt him growing beneath me, feeling his desire build as he fiddled with my joggers, pulling them down along with my underwear. Grabbing at his sides I found his belt, pulling it through and tossing it somewhere to find in the morning. I palmed his hard and I saw his eyes close and his small moan at the contact. Unbuttoning his jeans I found myself desperate for his touch, pulling them away he stroked himself slightly.

“Your so gorgeous, you cool?” He asked into my shoulder I gripped him and nodded as he entered me in one thrust. He was thick, I felt so full, both of us letting out moans of pleasure at the sensation. He started to move causing me to kiss and bite his neck, as he praised me.

“Your doing so well, gotta keep quite sweetheart, Axl would kill me if he knew what a good girl you were being for me.” He groaned. Hearing him whisper dirty things into my ear, thrust so deep into me and feeling his rough hands on my hips sent me close to the edge.

“Harder Iz.” I moaned and he did, hitting the spot over and over again, as I felt my orgasm approaching. He looked into my eyes as I felt myself go, and feel him do the same. He pulled out, heavily breathing, still kissing my neck and stroking my sides. He got his shirt and a towel, covering me up and giggling with me.

“That was a good movie.” He joked putting his arms round me, as we lay in bed wrapped up in each other.

“Axl is gonna kill you.” I mentioned with a giggle and he chuckled.

“I’ll deal with him in the morning.”

Authors note - hiya, hope you liked this I found it fun to write. 😀

[knizuu]

Talk to me abt uhhh anything- Fang, Petey, OC, idc. ANYTHING U WANT💖💖

PLEASE IM GENUINELY INTERESTED IM NOT DOING THIS JUST CUS U LET ME- /gen

I get so nervous writing asks wtf

DUDE IM SO DUCKING HAPPY +omg same </33

COUGH well imma go in order lets go with the

FANG🫧….

SIGHH I LOVE HIM SM. tbh I see how people react to the recent idw miniseries which left the Hooligan fans really sour </33 to me, though, it wasn’t too bad?? I see how it works and honestly the only sad part to me is WHY DID HOOLIGANS BREAK UP AUH but im so used to “sonic canon ew” so like-I should’ve expected that sigh. So I can reason with how excited people headcannon/draw/make whatever of the guy it’s really cool since we all kinda agree? Like even with such a variety we all take the guy lovingly <33 which is sweet :> like its pretty chill-WHCIH IS FUNNY because Im actually really scared in small communities <- i made a post bout it once i-I EAT UP ANY FAN MADE FANG CONTENT FR i love all fangs really [so far] ^ ^ tbh even my school knows that-I did pottery of him, drawn him, spoke of him, my teacher saw a drawing of Fang I did and HE QUOTE: I was looking for that [SIR I GET IT IM PREDICATABLE/silly]

PETEY💠

Ok as much as heartfelt I feel about Fang-Petey is just some other freak of nature my family knows. I’m NOT EVEN JOKING-MY MOM SANG ABOUT HIM WHILE MAKING LUNCH/GEN GEN GEN-cough. Idk why but ever since my brother [the first dog man fan obviously] inserted dog man into my family [by 1. SHOWING MY FANART/BOOKS TO MUM 2. LETTING ME SING THE MUSICAL ALL DAY LON-/positive fs] its been insane/sILLY because-who expected everyone to say “Papa Petey” [i do NOT know how some typo made mo-ok my mom has a Petey problem/sILY AGAIN] in the car-at home…NOT ME THATS WHO. WHY IS PETEY SUCH A NORMAL THING IN MY HOUSEHOLD/positive sigh

OC🌸

OKK well they are ALMOST a wasteland but I have an original story to bring some ocs to life ^ ^ [including-sigh vague mention-the space dog lady and red haired lady ocs i have :3] ESSENTALLY: I’m calling it Brink of Bryony!! [Bryony is about a flower but in plot idk a city??] it’s just a human loser [red haired lady MAYBE] meeting alien folk [Cordella is there…i showed her ONCE] like my self insert hehe [Norolist] because OH NO beeg mister evil guy wants to take over Earth and this NICE alien people gonna protect it! That’s the entire thing, very unserious lmao. Pyrexavul is my precious <33 I don’t think I shared him?? I’ll share em all sometime hehe im too lazy LMAO. So yes yes I’ve been into making that story recently :> !!

ANYTHING🦐

OK SO my Luxury AU has been MANIFESTING MOI cuz i decided: why yes I WILL make a fic bout it!! Yknow just remaking the lore[cough this means me rewriting the first book of DogMan] and putting some stuff into one work ^ ^’ SO FAR I’m really getting into the vibes but what’s crazy is how I turned what I THOUGHT was oughta be a comedy-to a tragedy. No like I KNOW IM GONNA WRITE CUTE STUFF I WILL I JUST-….also might’ve included grief, addiction, ETC I dont even know how I got there 🙂‍↔️but it’s been fun! Especially since it makes me go down a nice study check with me lmao [I’ve been learning the medical field, laws, how media handles stuff, types of _, etc] hehe rubbing my hands together imma be so happy to write it all hehe and with that I’m learning about my characters a lot better! I thought of it more one noted because its a good start but now im actually learning more bout em :0 !! Love reworking stuff, redesigning, it’s been a huge part of me since idk when ^ ^’

COUGHHHH i think that all works out!! TYSM FOR ASKING I CANNOT EXPRESS THE WHIMSY I FEEL RN <33

[mannylikessims]

The True Story of the Villareal Family [3.13]

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It was the day where everything was going to get better, because Luna was about to start the next chapter of her love story.

She was on her way to surprise her crush in person, now that she knew the identity of her mystery knight. It was gonna be, like, so romantic.

Sofia’s intel checked out – there was Yuki, Luna’s mystery knight, sitting in a corner of the café surrounded by books on this fine Sunday.

It was game time.

With zero chill, Luna grabbed the chair next to the blue-haired girl and plopped herself down in one smooth motion.

“Yuki,” she said.

The girl looked up with a jolt and hiccuped.

“I know your secret!” Luna blurted out, grinning ear-to-ear. “I know it’s you in the knight suit!”

Yuki panicked and started hiccuping frantically. “Hic. Hic. Hic! Oh Watcher, was it obvious?”

“Well, kinda,” said Luna. “I mean, how many people walk around in suits of armor–“

“Oh Watcher – hic! I’m so embarrassed,” Yuki groaned into her hands, still hiccuping. Good gravy, this girl sure hiccuped a lot.

“I feel like an idiot. Like a weird creep. Hic! I don’t know what I was – hic – thinking!”

On top of the hiccuping, Yuki started to cry.

“Um, it’s ok, Yuki…” Luna grimaced.

Well, plum. This was not going well. Luna’s romantic fantasy didn’t include Yuki hiccuping and crying into her hands, and she deeply, deeply regretted surprising her knight in person without asking her first.

“Uh, I’m really sorry for dropping in on you like this,” she said awkwardly. “What do you, like, want to do?”

Tears and snot were dripping down Yuki’s face and pooling in her hands, and her shoulders were shaking with hiccups.

The girl could barely look at Luna. “Ugh, I don’t – hic – know, maybe you could talk to him for me?” she said.

Huh?

“Wait, talk to who?” Luna frowned.

“Hic! Hugo, your brother,” replied Yuki, appearing to calm down a little, aside from the hiccuping. “I mean, now that you know I have a huge crush on him – hic! – and was stalking him at the Von Haunt Estate, too shy to say anything…”

Hold on, Yuki wasn’t her knight? She was some other knight from the Von Haunt Estate crushing on her brother? So who was the knight texting Luna??

“Yuki,” said Luna solemnly. “Who else is in your knight club?”

The girl shrugged. “I don’t know – hic. It’s an anonymous club. But what’s weird, is that our leader hasn’t called a meeting in over a week, I wonder why…”

And just like that, Luna was back to square one, with no leads on the identity of her mystery knight.

Whomp whomp.

But, on the bright side, Luna found herself with the opportunity to bestow kindness upon the socially awkward bumpkins of Windenburg.

“You know what, let me text my brother,” she said. “I’ll put in a good word for you.”

“You would do that for me?” squeaked Yuki with a hiccup.

“Yes,” replied Luna, texting Hugo to come immediately. “I’m all about charity.”

────────✦───────

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[araedi]

I promised an update on my life/activity and stuff, so here it is! I’ll stuff it all under the cut but the tldr is I’m still here just on a super slow. I’m always down for chats and interactions as long as you’re cool with that!

I’m quite private about myself online so gonna keep this brief (lol watch me do anything but), but I feel like I keep circling back to apologising every few months for not being here enough then punishing myself over it when I’m not magically active again. It’s ultimately a hobby but I still feel bad that people writing with me could be feeling let down/ignored, so I wanted to drop this rather than keep on cycling the same apology until it feels hollow.

Life’s a Lot right now: I’m currently juggling two part time jobs, pretty much full household responsibilities for three people, night-school with essays, and an emotionally intensive placement as part of my training which also involves paperwork. Home life is also less than ideal (won’t go into details). On top of this, I have chronic health problems alongside chronic pain so most days I’m just crabby and exhausted; my mental health could be better but rn it just feels like I’m treading water to get to a place where I’ll have fewer commitments.

Ultimately rp and writing/creative stuff in general is part of how I unwind so I’ll always be around because this outlet is so rewarding, but as it stands I’m just so mentally and pysically drained that when I do have the time I’d rather just switch my brain off and play a bit of a game and have a sliver of social life than try to force out writing which is gonna be sub-par. I’ve been feeling kinda down about my writing for a bit and just feel like I’m giving the same post over and over, which also isn’t helpful!

As for my activity and where y’all fit: I’m still around and intend to be; still responding to DM’s on Discord or IM’s on here (unreliable though they are -_-) just being ridiculously slow with replies and popping reblogs or replies out just as and when. I’m not the type to up and quit, hell I’ve been on this blog for years so I’m going nowhere, just on the go-slow with the odd spurt of like 3-5 replies.

Of course I 100% understand if this weird unpredictable activity doesn’t fit for you: we all have different needs and expectations with this hobby and if me only showing up now and again isn’t gonna work that’s totally ok and you don’t have to follow or write with me: it’s been a blast knowing you!

If you’re chill to stick around and deal with my slowness, please know I WILL get to replies, even if it’s at glacial pace. I’ll post a shot of my tracker/a list up in the future so I can be 100% on what I owe and know you can always check in with me/hold me accountable for stuff. Please know you can ALWAYS drop stuff in my ask boxes, whether it’s memes or questions for muses or just crack. It always puts a smile on my face <3 if I received it I’ll reply to it, so barring just a few memes I have nothing else waiting!

This all being said I would LOVE to build up more long term/in-depth character relationships and sustained interactions over multiple threads. I love getting to know my rp partners beyond the muses – it’s just that right now it’ll take six times as long to get anywhere. My door’s open for any chats r.e. any muses here or on the multi.

If you need my disco handle just ask/reply here or whatever and I can send it; if you need to get in touch for any reason and can’t seem to get through to me, just send a ping to the bestie Benevolentgodloki c:

If you read all this and are ok with sticking around know that you have my undying love lmao; I know it isn’t easy trying to build anything with someone who only posts once in a blue moon so your patience is appreciated and I’ll always appreciate having people to come back to on here <33

[imichelle-l-rigby]

Reflections: Cillian Murphy’s Limited Edition

Series 3, episode 2

———————————————————————

*I am a music prof (predominantly classical vocalist), and I LOVE listening to Cillian’s music choices! That being said, sometimes I won’t like a song simply because of a vocalist (it’s a professional hazard - sorry!) 👩‍🏫

** The following are my own observations/opinions. We may not agree, and that’s ok! That’s what makes music fun! 😊

*** I wouldn’t say I’m well-versed in Cillian’s music preferences, but I do enjoy them (for the most part). I always wind up adding to my own playlists after listening to Cillian’s recommendations.

———————————————————————

And now for episode 2…

🎵 Set 1 (Gonna Be - Sun King)

Gonna Be: an interesting beginning! I like the layers of motivic play from low, mid, and high parts of the texture. Fun instrument and sound effect choices, as well!

Come Home: harmonies are dense, but so wholesome and satisfying. It reminds me of a lot of Americana material.

Sun King: I LOVE THE BEATLES SO UNIRONICALLY 😍😍😍😍. Also, Abbey Road had its birthday this past week! 😊

🎤Talking Break

“Blathering blindly”

“Bus stops along the way”

He sounds more chill this time than last week? His voice is giving serious ASMR vibes

“Treash”

His love of close harmonies is so valid 👌

That’s adorable him asking his dad about the faux Italian in “Sun King” 😂

🎵Set 2 (SpongeBob -

SpongeBob: I promise you that this is the last thing I think of in association with SpongeBob! 😅 while this is objectively good, it’s not my cup of tea. I do like that I can understand/follow the lyrics. Well done and well constructed.

Officina stellare: I like this! A fun, atmospheric piece.

I’m not sure why this and SpongeBob go together, but the juxtaposition is striking.

🎤Talking Break:

Italian pronunciation should be: oh-fee-chee-nah steh-lah-rey

“Brilliant atmosphere of doom” ok… way to bring down the vibe, Cillian! 😅

🎵Set 3 (Weird Lullaby - Nite Owl)

Weird Lullaby: I do enjoy some good, original jazz. Swing era, and an unorthodox use of scat. I looked up Babs, and I need to find more of his stuff. He’s got an enjoyable voice, and approaches harmonies in a beautiful way.

Nite Owl: even though this is also an “oldie,” it is a STRONG difference compared with the previous!!! But I like this - what a feel good song! Good use of what is now called a “twang” vocal technique (twang isn’t just for country music).

🎤Talking Break

Now I need to listen to Frank Zappa’s Jukebox…

Joke’s on you, Cillian! First time I listened to this I was NOT “headphoned up!” 😂 I know, I’m such a rebel! 😂😂 Jk I was too lazy to go get my AirPods

🎵Set 4 (Trees, etc. - A Slice of the Top)

Trees, etc: well, it’s certainly better/more enjoyable than “Revolution 9” - that is one trippy, scary song! But I’ll be honest, I expected more “sound directionality” when he said to “headphone up,” like when you can hear the direction of the sound change from left to right. Regardless, this is a cool concept piece.

A Slice Of The Top: more jazzy, for sure. I’m loving the different riffs! Something about it sounds like Afro-Cuban jazz, but idk why? Maybe it’s the background rhythms? Fun dissonant harmonies, though!

🎤Talking Break:

“There is some coherence… somewhere”

🎵Set 5 (Dr. Ring Ding -Jack Ruby)

Dr. Ring Ding: the intro is so weird 😅 but no, this is a cool song. Again, I always appreciate some good riffs/solos!

Jack Ruby: same artist!! Wow! And man, I just wanna dance listening to these songs!💃

🎤Talking Break

A Cork specific question!

I saw somewhere someone was asking what a “boogie” is supposed to mean. I *think* (?) it’s just a jam session or performance of some kind??? At lest that’s how I’m interpreting this story.

A pub called Snotty Joe’s?! 😂😂😂

Ejected from establishments 😂😂😂😂

Corkonians

“Brilliantly sound self”

🎵Set 6 (Gone Daddy Gone - Downtown Train)

Gone Daddy Gone: ok, this is a boogie, if I say so! The instrumental track is fun, though repetitive. The vocal line is fairly monotone. Idk why monotone songs work, but they do (Mr. Brightside is a great example of monotone done right)! And a marimba solo?! Yes, please! 🤩

Downtown Train: ok… Tom Waits’ voice is not my favorite. That being said, this is a good song. It’s not something I would listen to often because of the vocals, but it’s definitely got merit. And something about this is so nostalgic?

🎤Talking Break

Aretha!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍

Yay archive material!!!

“Baby, baby, baby”

🎵Set 7 (Baby, Baby, Baby)

Baby, baby, baby: I have no words. Aretha has SUCH a lovely, effortless-sounding voice! And her songs are so soulful! Perfection. 💯

🎤Talking Break

Thoughts on Bill: he’s eclectic. But his description is vague and I wish he’d be more specific.

🎵Set 8 (Free’s - Weird Sisters)

Free’s: the melody isn’t ambitious (almost like a recitative), but his voice has a nice, rich quality to it! And the instrumentation is fun! Almost like a little jazzy flute riff along with atmospheric backing.

Weird Sisters: enjoyable song! Definitely enjoying the slow build in texture - well done.

As a voice teacher, I want to double check some vocal production techniques of his. I’m not sure if some of the vocal anomalies I’m hearing are purposeful or not. I think they’re done on purpose, but if not, he should go visit an ENT (the doctor, not the talking tree). TLDR: vocal health is important.

🎤Talking Break

Oh no… not more weird dude from Yorkshire 😅

I’m still so confused.

Ok… an introduction to the next artist.

🎵Set 9 (Micael)

Micael: I like this song a lot. Guitar is haunting, atmospheric, and repetitive. The other instrumental and sound effects in the back are nice additions! The vocal line and it’s layers just keep adding to the strangeness of this song. It’s a puzzle, and I think that’s why I like it - it keeps you on your toes!

🎤Talking Break

An exclusive! 🙀

Oooh… a book reading!

Comments on Jarvis: yes. Music is a magic trick! His French is good. *the tingle* - yep! So important!

“Pop music was real music as far as I was concerned” - I do disagree with this point. All music is real. You may not like it, but that’s a different subject 🤷‍♀️

🎵Set 10 (Black Magic)

Black Magic: why is this such a banger??? 😎😎😎 the bell line is a really nice touch, and I like it’s unique and unexpected melody compared to the more predictable vocal line and chorus.

🎤Talking Break:

“Thank you, Jarvis”

🎵Set 11 (Harmoniser Dub - The Smoke)

Harmoniser Dub: for something with “harmonize” in the title, there isn’t much harmonizing… (I know, I’m being purposefully obtuse) 😂 but a fun use of electronic sounds and non-vocal music!

The Smoke: I like this a lot more than the previous song! Lots of unexpected rhythmic pauses, and the mysterious vocal line is cool 😎 I like how this song is constantly morphing and borrowing styles to form a whole.

🎤Talking Break

Love remixes!

“No let’s not play the ident”

“Friends”

🎵Set 12 (Lwonsome Tonight - All Souls)

Lwonsome Tonight: now I have a complicated relationship with her voice. She purposefully sings in a thin, unsupported style and in a difficult portion of her range to create a specific haunting/folksy effect. I get it, but I don’t care for it. Good storytelling, and the vocal melody has an interesting contour.

All Souls: a strong contrast with the previous song! I like the electronic distortion and sub-pulses. 👍 the piano line is reminiscent of some of the driving pulses in funeral marches, so that’s a cool touch. I would say I prefer this song to the other one featured.

🎤Talking Break

I do love covers

🎵Set 13 (PinkMoon - Paprika Pony)

Pink Moon: I like this! Fun electronic components, and a pleasant head-dominant vocal production. This is such a vibe! ✨

Side note: isn’t AURORA featured in Frozen 2?

Paprika Pony: WHOA what a contrast! This is all clear-cut edges where the previous is all soft and fluffy. I know that has nothing to do with musical qualities, but that’s how I’m hearing it tonight.

I guess this set is tied together by alliteration? 😂

🎤Talking Break

“Anthemic” - I did not know that was a word!

🎵Set 14 (Stand Anthem)

Stand Anthem: I’m sorry, Cill, but I don’t like this. I enjoyed the first 20 seconds? It does have a “We Are The World” vibe, but it’s so repetitive. I think it’s the “stand” portions I dislike most - they don’t go anywhere. There’s no sense of build or momentum, and I’d really like to have that featured, especially in an anthem!

🎤Talking Break

Yay! Irish music!

Set 15 (Foreign Fleas)

Foreign Fleas: dude, this sounds dark and scary! 🫣 but that’s not a bad thing! I’m just a wimp 😂 but there are some nice, crunchy, dissonant harmonies in the vocal line. 👍

🎤Talking Break

“Brave and moving act of communication”

“Multitudinal”

What’s a Wally???

“Mind yourselves”

🎵Set 16 (Become the Earth - Distant Sky)

Become the Earth: oddly enough, I would describe her voice as “earthy” 😂 the simplicity of this song is nice. Heavily produced stuff is nice, but so is something like this. There’s still some post-production parts, but it’s not overwhelming. I did like that descending and ascending slide in the backing vocals! That was cool!!!

Distant Sky: Nick Cave is one of those artists who has such a gift when it comes to storytelling. However, his voice isn’t my favorite. That being said, what he adds instrumentally and through storytelling outweighs his vocal production (which is also a choice, I believe). And the juxtaposition of Nick and Else Torp is just wow! Overall, this is a beautiful song, and I’m happy the show ended so strongly with this gorgeous piece.

———————————————————————

And that’s episode 2! Honestly, I’m surprised I was able to get this out by Friday - this week has been hectic! 😂😅

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Feel feee to share/comment! 😊

Tag List:

@iammrsrogers @deliciousnutcomputer @mariamoonie @brownskinsugarplum76 @look-at-the-soul @kj-davis @neverroad @teapothollow @thepurplearmyposts @possessedmarshmallow

[bisluthq]

When you quit drinking, did you replace that with something else? Like for me, I realized on the weekends if I have something planned, even as late as 3-4 PM, I won't drink that day cuz it's like I know later I need to drive to this thing and go interact with people and be normal. But if I don't have any concrete plans, if it's just like "I need to go to the grocery store at some point today, and then clean my bathroom" then I'm like "why shouldn't I have mimosas at 9 AM?" and then I end up getting completely smashed and can't go to the store later and can't effectively do any chores. I realized that about myself so now I schedule things with friends during the weekends, preferably earlier in the day, so then when I get home I'm like "now it's time to meal prep and clean, and maybe I'll have a glass of wine in a few hours with dinner". Idk I've gotten a lot better at cutting down alcohol, but those wide-open days for me just inevitably lead to me drinking early, even if I've said and committed that I don't want to. It's only when other people are involved in the plans ("I have to meet them here at 1" or whatever, vs "I should go to the store at 11") that I can stop myself drinking. So it's annoying, because I KNOW I can, I just don't have the discipline or willpower to do it if I'm not gonna be directly letting someone down. I don't have anywhere to be til 8 PM tonight lol so even though I was like "it'll be a sober Monday! I'm gonna clean my bathroom and declutter my closer" I still ended up drinking 2 beers and a glass of wine while doing that

ok so this was a lot of how my drinking went dude. Your story is FUCK relatable to me. Except for in the pandemic where I literally wasn’t leaving my house for obvious reasons and then my bed for depression reasons that I do think were interrelated to the drinking (although I’ve been feeling very down the last few days but I’m powering through with no alcohol), I was not a daily drinker and I never got drunk like before important activities or things that I was looking forward to (a few times I did get drunk before social things I was dreading but that’s a separate thing). But if I was just chilling at home, either on weekends as you say or late at night, I would often wind up drinking.

I haven’t replaced it with anything like in terms of substances. I do see myself as California sober not sober sober so I’m open to edibles and shrooms but the thing with me is I’ve never been someone who overindulges in that. It’s something I only do like when I’m with friends who are into that or just with my boyfriend and we want a trippy night. I *have* replaced it with actively getting into other hobbies again and I have a habit tracker where I’ve put in all the things I like to do and if I’m bored I go into the app and look at what I could do today. So personally I’ve got running, yoga, gym class, drawing, Duolingo, reading, this blog, journaling, writing fiction, whatever DIY project I’m busy with in terms of my little furniture stuff, meditation, etc and I track how many minutes and hours a day I spend on all that stuff outside of work which I obviously don’t count in my fun little app. I also try call friends or text with friends if I’m feeling bored like that. And then I’ve been making more complicated food instead of just popping shit in the air fryer or ordering takeout. I have a guitar that I haven’t played in like 10 years that I’m considering starting to play again.

But also it’s just a habit right (well obviously not with people who have physical addictions and there you need to be careful how you come off it) so just… break the habit. Again, I found quit lit really helpful and enjoyed the following books a lot: This Naked Mind, Not Drinking Tonight (it’s a bit heavy in psych babble so not for everyone but was really cool for me), Alcohol Lied To Me, Alcohol Explained, Soberful and maybe ESPECIALLY Sober Curious. There are a couple other really great ones but those stuck out to me. Also reading quit lit just helped me a lot because I was just like constantly drumming it into my head that I don’t need to/want to drink and that it’s the stuff that powers fucking rocket engines right like they use ethanol in rocket fuel lmao idk that I want to put that in my body (but I like Sober Curious in that maybe one day I might idk I don’t know that I want to say “I never ever will” or “I’m powerless over alcohol” because I’m def not lol - the problem is me not alcohol and not me in the sense that I’m like “broken” or whatever). So now I quite genuinely - for right now - don’t want to drink. I’m not holding myself back from it, I’m not counting days until I can again, I am not imposing moderation rules for me, I’m not looking for loopholes and I’m not promising lifelong abstinence. But I just don’t want to right now. We aren’t an alcohol free house - we’ve got fucktons of booze around - and my bf is still having his wine with dinner and beer when he does yard work and actually he even had a screwdriver for breakfast after he joined me for a run this past weekend because that’s what he wanted and I made him run pretty far. I’ve got it available. He is very proud of me and supportive of me not drinking but he also won’t like break up with me if I decide to start up again. I just… don’t want to. It’s better for me. I’m happier without… rocket fuel inside my body lmao because I’m a person and not a rocket ykwim?

This was very rambling but this topic makes me like that. My feeling is if you’re thinking about when you can and can’t drink, your relationship with alcohol isn’t healthy. Again to go back to my edibles thing, which I would have again quite easily, I’ve never in my life had more edibles than I intended to (I’ve had a max of two when my goal was to get fuck stoned and that’s what I did) and I also can’t tell you when I last had one or when I next will (I’ve got a bag of them in my desk but it’s sealed and it doesn’t tempt me). With alcohol I absolutely was counting sober days versus drinking days and how many drinks I had on a drinking day and whether or not a few glasses of wine “even counted” yk? And it was occupying a lot of time and space in my head, even when I wasn’t drinking. So that wasn’t like… healthy. Just removing it has given me a lot of energy and genuine desire to do a lot more hobbies that I like to do.

I also find I do a lot more chores lmao like I’ve always done my chores because I’m not a complete cunt but I often procrastinated with them and I get a lot of the regular ones I do done quicker and more frequently (like cleaning the kitchen), I do a lot more annoying ones more regularly (like taking stuff to the dry cleaners’ which I hated to do because I never drunk drove and like having out and about chores meant I can’t drink and if I did drink then I couldn’t take my stuff in lol so also getting my car washed was one of those too and also like washing my couches which I was doing maybe every two to three months but do every month since I quit drinking and that’s not about driving but it’s about not being able to sit on the couch when I undress it to wash it because obviously I sat on the couch drinking lol) and am more proactive with my DIY projects.

and in terms of what I’ve replaced it in terms of drinks, I’ve been making a lot of mixed drinks (so diet tonic, soda water, with a splash of cranberry juice and a splash of lime has been my favorite but I make other ones too), I drink Corona Zeros if we have people round, I’ve been making a lot more tea and coffee, and I’ve been drinking Diet Red Bull if I want “a buzz” lol. Also just sparkling water. And flavored sparkling water. Idk it’s been really easy once I decided on it and it keeps getting easier tbh not harder - like the first weekend I’d quit, we were sitting waiting for a takeaway and they didn’t have any AF beers on the menu and they advertised lassis but were out of them and I just didn’t order anything and felt a bit annoyed with my bf drinking his beer but that hasn’t happened again and idk I’ve been out and about and I’ve entertained at home and like I say it’s not that I don’t have it in the house or that I can’t say “cool look I did it for over 2 months so now I’m done like clearly I can stop whenever I want and now I want to start again” but I really just… don’t want to start again at this point.

Hope this helped a bit and just so you know your “boozestory” (as Ruby Warrington of Sober Curious calls it) is completely normal.

[imtheworst-imsorry]

I HAVE UPDATES!!! so my admissions team meeting went well, it was probably a lot more comprehensive than other people who’ve been in treatment before get, but this is my first time in any kind of ed treatment so they went through a lot of info. i’m still processing a lot of it, it takes my brain a while to catch up to important information, so i have a feeling this is all gonna hit me really hard within the next few days, but i do have (at least some) answers now and i feel better about having less uncertainty about some of that. they did stress that some of the details are really going to depend on how i’m doing while i’m here, both mentally and physically, but at least having some idea of how things are gonna go is helpful for me. one of the most important things i was worried about was a diagnosis, and ik some people would probably try to tell me that that’s not as important as the treatment itself, but i’m the kind of person that needs labels and names for my experiences so i feel more stable in my life and the situations i’m in, so it is very important to me. that’s why i pushed SO HARD to get the other mental health diagnoses and neuropsych testing for my autism and adhd. i have now officially been diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, binge/purge subtype, which i’m honestly pretty relieved by, idk why but i was super anxious that i’d get given something that would somehow make me feel more invalidated and make me feel less motivated to work on getting better, but this feels pretty ok, and it is the best description of my experiences (at least it’s what i felt was the most accurate before i even came here so i’m honestly quite relieved that my doctor agrees even though i never told him that’s what i thought i should be diagnosed with). i’m still really struggling with making myself complete my meals and snacks but i am doing it, purely bc i only get to stay off of wc/br and get to have my phone and laptop if i complete, and i need those to feel like i’m not completely isolated, but i know that there are gonna be days that are harder than others. i also have an idea of how long they think i’ll probably be here (4-5ish weeks from now) and i also have a rough goal from my dietician of where she thinks my target weight should be and where they want me to get to before i get discharged, but i’m not gonna specify that here rn bc i’m still processing that stuff and i feel like writing it here will make it hit harder or smth, idk. my parents had some good questions for the team, and they brought me a few more things from home, including some pictures of my dog, and we’re having a family therapy session on tuesday. apparently not a ton happens here on the weekends, and monday is memorial day so it’s basically a weekend schedule, too, which gives me plenty of time to think about all this but hopefully also plenty of time to find distractions so i don’t get too stuck in my own head. i’m gonna spend some time just decompressing from everything tonight, chill out a bit, one of the girls here has been teaching people to make friendship bracelets (she cranks them out so fast it’s super impressive, she came right up to me on my first day and asked what my favorite color was and handed me one, which was super sweet) i did one that ended up being more of a keychain bc the embroidery floss was too short to make a whole bracelet, but for a first attempt it came out really well. i’m still on bathroom observation, which is kinda embarrassing having someone stand there with the door cracked open while i pee but mostly it’s just super inconvenient bc i have to pee SO often bc they’re having me drink so much water and my body only gives me about 1-2 minutes of warning max when i need to go to the bathroom before it becomes an Emergency, so i spend an annoying amount of time hunting down someone to let me into the bathroom and doing the classic preschooler potty dance while i wait for them to come let me pee lol.

i think that’s all i’m gonna update for tonight unless i think of something else, i’m gonna rewatch as much of lotms as i can before they take my tech back for the night at 10

[webslingingslasher]

Aaah ok so so much has honestly happened recently and I have some updates on the Lara and Julie situation🧍🏻‍♀️

So yesterday I was out with Lara and Julie and we bumped into these guys that are in a couple of my classes and I have a massive crush on one of the guys that was there. He is like my perfect type and he’s really sweet, polite and just everything I want in a guy(and single🧍🏻‍♀️) but I’ve never perused it in any way because him and I sit together in classes and I don’t want anything bad to happen and for it to be awkward. So we all decided to stop for some coffee and I was sitting between him and his other friend and Lara and Julie were sitting across from us. And while we were talking Julie blurts out that I’ve had had a crush on this guy for so long and the table went dead silent and it was so awkward. So we all split the bill and went home and after I dropped Lara off at home and was on the way to drop Julie off I asked her why she would say what she did. And she claimed that it didn’t matter and that I was over reacting and I was trying so hard to tell her how terrible it made me feel and she kept ignoring everything I said, and I eventually just came out and told her that it wasn’t the first time she’s embarrassed me in front of guys and that i really don’t appreciate when she does it. She told me I was a liar and that she would never do such a thing to the point where I literally had to pull up texts in an old group chat with a couple other people(guys included) where she went out of her way to send really bad photos of me and tell all the people in it really embarrassing and sometimes untrue things about me. And she said that it didn’t matter and that I’m making a big deal over nothing so I decided to rip the bandaid off and tell her that I think it’s better if we distanced ourselves and she demanded that I stop the car and let her walk home but I wouldn’t make her walk to her apartment all by herself because it’s not safe yk, so I drove her the rest of the way home and she got out and slammed my car door.

And to make it better Lara sided with Julie saying that I can’t control what Julie says about me and I shouldn’t get so upset about it but this is the first time that I have spoken up about any of this or how she’s made me feel

But whatever I’m not going to stress about myself about this because I have some really big exams coming up and have to focus my energy there, I just really hope that things between me and this guy aren’t awkward because I still want to be friends with him 😭

🫧 anon

wooooooooooooooow. bad news, you lost some friends. good news, you don't have to waste your time on bad friends.

i would tell the dude straight up: 'i don't know why j said that, but it made me very uncomfortable and i'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable too, but i'd still like to be friends.' one thing i've learned and it's the most real shit ur gonna hear from me is::

things are only awkward if you make them awkward.

julie is insecure and it'll ruin a lot of relationships in her life, if laura thinks she's safe, she's not. now you're not around on the chopping block, laura will be.

good luck on exams and hoping that boy will brush it off and keep chilling w you!

[miintsprigz]

Reblogging my own post to add onto it.

Things I specifically loved at the 4/28/24 Hadestown show. I knew the original myth and had heard a few pieces of the songs via TikTok, but this was my first time hearing it in full. I’m gonna go in soundtrack order because I’m tired now and I get order mixed up.

LONG POST BELOW and LET THERE BE SPOILERS!

-“AIGHT!”

-Eurydice is dressed in shorter overalls from the beginning and “always has the fates following her”…gosh don’t you hate it when Doomed, can’t even let this woman CANDLE in peace. she was always meant to go down there. And stay down there.

-I haven’t seen a SINGLE person talk about Yaya Reich’s version of Eurydice?! She’s excellent!!! I really love her hair, legit debated trying to style mine like hers

-I 100% understand what Eurydice sees in Orpheus. Gosh what a dork. I love him. I also 100% understand what Orpheus sees in Eurydice because HAVE I MENTIONED YAYA IS BEAUTIFUL

-Hermes gives me uncle vibes in the most comforting way imaginable.

-Persephone kinda gives me Tinkerbell vibes, the way she dances is so great. Woman EMBODIES life of the party.

-Her dance when Way Down Hadestown begins—she like bent at the waist, sort of shimmying side to side. It’s like she was being pulled down by Hades. So creepy, I love it.

-“I missed ya.” Philip Boykin’s delivery of that gave me Audrey II vibes.

-Orpheus visibly phasing in and out of Hadestown as he worked on the song…I’ve never seen a better representation of an artist getting completely swallowed whole by their work. The scared “is he always like this?” from Eurydice chilled me. Sometimes we’re in too deep…

-All these performers getting YEETED across the stage by the turntable/rotating stage/I dunno jargon was crazy. I would have fallen like 54 times.

-The way I audibly went “oh no” as Eurydice was pretty much attacked by the Fates. I see those three as the true villains here. Love it when your own mind tries to bite you.

-“Orpheus, I’m hungry…” the fact that Eurydice is so destitute for most of this show BREAKS MEEEE

-The intro to “Wait For Me” will never not frick me up. “Where is she…?”

-I didn’t know how to feel about Eurydice choosing to go down to Hades. But with what little we know of her past, it makes some good sense to me. She’s used to moving when the going gets tough and people left her a lot. Sure, Orpheus was different, but one person isn’t enough to change a lifelong foundation of behavior, and when people are stressed they’re even more likely to fall into old behaviors…I’m getting too psychoanalytical oops.

-The set BREAKING APART when Orpheus sings that melody. My gosh, I felt my mouth drop open. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The staging of this whole song was awesome.

-I know now that “there’s a crack in the wall!” in “our lady of the underground” is meant to be a peep show but seeing her reach up for the light made me kind of sad. Like she’s trying to reach and touch the world she loves.

-“Flowers” is one of the most underrated songs in this show, PERIOD. I got REKT. The fact that she REMEMBERS ORPHEUS’ KINDNESS EVEN THOUGH SHE FORGOT BOTH THEIR NAMES. NO IM NOT OK

-The gags in Come Home With Me (Reprise) had me rolling honestly. “No I walked” (points to aisle)

-The fight scene during Papers was genuinely super cool to me.

-“Nothing Changes” makes me think this show could really be used as a lesson not to let the cruel and twisted voices in your mind result in you leading to a tragedy by your own actions/inactions at times…but don’t get down on yourself for what you did before you knew better.

-If It’s True is CRUSHING. EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!

-Kinda got irked that Orpheus almost gave up here, but to be fair, this dude just got 1.) beaten up 2.) EMOTIONALLY DUNKED ON by hades. Probably the worst day of his life.

-“How Long?” Having them stand on either side of the hole, with O, E, and the workers going down in there…it’s like the riot is driving a wedge between the two of them. And ya know, sometimes you gotta tear it all down before you can rebuild.

-YOUNG MAAAAN GOT TA HAND IT TO YA—

“Keep your head” takes on a different meaning—don’t let them get inside your head, “take” your head…”keep” it, keep YOURSELF!

-Me: “the Epic is probably gonna be cheesy.”

Me after Epic III: “cheesy? Yeah a little. Still stunning? YEEAAAAH”

-The fact that the Fates themselves fall in line during Epic III, and follow the other characters for once. I know they were canonically probably biding their time, but I like to think Orpheus’ song was so good on this run that he BENT FATE TO HIS WILL. And that’s why, even though this has been a never-ending loop, Persephone comes down for springtime! He DID change something, he BENT FATE. HEAR. ME OUT.

-Hades’ shaky singing. Listen, he’s done bad stuff but I just thought “aw buddy”…

-Hades’ goofy dancing made him a lot more likeable to me.

-Idk why, I wasn’t big on Promises or Wedding Song as a whole—not like I hated em, I loved this whole show, those songs just didn’t light my brain up as much. I’m a lunkhead, so that doesn’t mean much. Don’t listen to me—

-The fact that HADES HIMSELF is swayed by the Fates—the Fates are literally responsible for driving (albeit not causing, note the difference) every single bad thing that happens—Eury going down, Hades making the catch, Orph TURNING—COME ON. Great theme that no one is without flaw.

-Personally, I love how done Hermes is with this plot from Hades. You can see how sick he is of seeing this same exact thing happen again and again.

-Again, Hermes tells it like it is. The doubt, the insecurities of the cast, they’re the real “villain” here. Not the gods. The sadistic Fates. And the fact that people can’t HELP but listen.

-Wait For Me Reprise is great. Send tweet.

-The staging for the walk up is great. The mist, the complete blackness representing the inner mind of Orpheus.

-The fact that The Fates PHYSICALLY get in between Orpheus and Eurydice. What a great visual metaphor. She’s talking to him the whole time and HE CANT HEAR HER!!! Because they’re held so much closer than even his love. He’s not doing it on purpose, it’s just human nature.

-There’s a whole group with her too, I swear the ensemble choir here comes through with this message of the people you surround yourself with rubbing off on you (like E dancing with them in Living It Up) but there comes a point where you get so drowned in your own thoughts that even a whole crowd can’t reach you…

-People have suggested Orpheus’ wavering could have to do with him literally losing himself from all the time he’s spent in Hadestown. He didn’t sign his soul away, so I know it doesn’t really count, but…I could kinda see it.

-I knew, I KNEW what was coming. And I was STILL HORRIFIED. The way she GASPS. The immediate relief that changes to horror as he realizes his desperation to see if she was really there is her ultimate doom. The woman he loved more than anything, and he’s sent her to her demise, once, twice, and FOR GOOD. All with the best intentions. They do indeed pave the road to hell.

-The ending positions. He’s forever looking down. Head down in despair. Unable to see the world as it could be anymore. And her? She’s just GONE.

-Jon Jon’s Hermes looked so DONE. His “aight?” Sounded like “okay, kiddo. You didn’t get it this time either. But it’s okay, because I’m going to keep singing it until you get it.” I was concerned they’d go right into the same opening version, knowing that would jolt me right out of immersion. That did NOT happen.

-Man I wanna give this whole cast a big hug. They want a happy ending so bad, and so do I. I’m gonna keep singing. Let’s all keep singing. Maybe one day, Orpheus won’t turn around. See the world for what it could be, in spite of the way that it is.

Raise a cup. For the Orpheus in all of us. Who will turn, again and again, but we keep on singing. Keep on weaving our masterpieces, trying to heal our world, and maybe, maybe one day, heal ourselves.

Okay it’s 1am, I need to sleep. Thank you for reading.

Just want to say I saw Hadestown for the first time tonight and I LOVED IT!

[wanderingpogue]

Surprise (Pt I)

Warnings: mentions of unprotected sex, swearing maybe?

(Not yet proofread)

You and JJ had always been best friends, with something more between the two of you. You decided to test the waters by making out in secret. That turned into hooking up and then into secretly dating. You hid your relationship from the rest of the group for close to a year.

One day you woke up feeling off & everyone, JJ included, could tell.

“You good, y/n?” JJ looked at you with concerned eyes, knowing something was going on.

“I’m fine, I’ve just been super exhausted. Probably just trying to come down with a cold or something.” You shrugged it off, trying not to put too much thought into it. Everyone just went about their business as usual. Everyone except Kie.

Kie pulled you aside and whispered, “how late are you, idiot?”

You look at her all puzzled, “what are you talking about?”

“Look, I’m not as dumb as the rest of them. I’ve known about you two for months. And I’ve noticed a shift in you for the past couple of weeks. Somethings different. And have you seen your tits? I’m just hoping there’s not a baby Maybank swimming in your belly. Now tell me, how late are you?” Kie’s hushed tone was now tainted with worry.

You had to take a moment to really think, the worry now starting to set into your mind. You were barely able to get your response out, “i don’t even know, Kie. I can’t even remember my last period. Maybe 2 months ago? He pulls out though...There’s no way...”

Kie rolls her eyes and tries not to let you see her laugh, “Yeah, because that’s always so reliable, huh?”

You cupped your face with your hands & let out a huff of air, “Shit, what do I do Kie?”

You’d been so wrapped up with kiara, that you didn’t even notice JJ watching the two of you during the entire conversation, his mind now flustered, wondering what could be going on.

“Everything ok?” JJ asked, as he casually slung his arm around you, causing you to snap out of your concerned state.

“Never better, Maybank.” You managed to get out, flashing him a short but sweet smile, temporarily putting his mind at ease. He looked at you suspiciously, but eventually let it go. He sauntered off toward Pope and John B, who had now made their way out to the pier for some fishing, “Whatever, weirdo,” he called out as he looked back and winked at you.

As you watched JJ walk away, you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of hope. Was it hope that you weren’t pregnant? Hope that you were? You didn’t know. JJ just felt like home to you and that alone gave you peace.

You were interrupted from you thoughts by Kie, who threw your purse at you on her way out of the door with the keys to the Twinkie. “C’mon, y/n! We’re going to the store!” She yelled as she made her way to the vehicle.

“What for?”

“What do you think, y/n? I’m gonna make you pee on a stick, that’s what for.”

-

While you and Kie were gone, the boys did some fishing, JJ bringing you up every chance he got.

“I hope y/n is feeling ok. She seemed off this morning...and come to think of it, every morning for almost a month...”

“Dude, chill? What could possibly be wrong?” John B said cooly as he took another sip of his beer.

“Why are you so worried? It’s y/n. She’s tough. Like she said, it’s probably just a cold coming on.” Pope reassured JJ before casting out his fishing line.

“I don’t know guys. I’ve noticed a lot of things different about her lately. She sleeps so much more, stays in the bathroom, barely wants to eat - but when she does she really EATS, she’s so grouchy...,” JJ trails off, his eyes widen as his mind begins to put the pieces together.

“Ok, and? It’s probably just her period or something. Doesn’t that make girls get all weird? Why do you care anyway?” John B’s voice holding a bit of suspicion as he watches JJ’s expression change.

“I don’t. I just hope she’s not sick, that’s all.” JJ said quickly and left it at that, never bringing you up again.

Pope shot John B a look of confusion before laughing it off.

The boys continued to fish, JJ doing his best to keep his mind from wandering.

-

Upon your arrival back to the chateau, Kie quickly stuffed the grocery store bag of pregnancy tests into your purse before getting out of the Twinkie, “go straight to the bathroom. Text me when your done & I’ll come meet you in there. I’m gonna go hang with the guys for now.” She gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and took off, hoping the boys wouldn’t think anything of your trip to the store.

You walk into the bathroom and open up the first test with your hands shaking uncontrollably.

“Here goes nothing...” you whisper as you begin to pee, making sure to collect enough on the test, “ok, wait 3 minutes...3 minutes. I got this.”

You put the test on the counter and sat back down. Then you waited.

3 minutes had passed but you couldn’t bring yourself to look, you texted Kie, who was out at the pier with the guys, to come and read it for you.

Kie was sitting next to JJ, her phone beside her on the dock. JJ heard a message come through and instinctively looked down at the phone.

New Message from Y/N:

Kie, it’s been 3 minutes but I can’t do it. You have to come see what it says for me, please.

JJ’s eyes widened and kiara tried to grab her phone before he could register what the message said, but it was too late. He saw. And he knew.

“I’m coming with you, don’t make a scene,” he whispered urgently as he stood with Kie.

There was nothing she could’ve said to stop him.

You heard a knock on the bathroom door and knew it had to be Kie, so you opened it quickly. There he was, face as pale as a ghost.

“Oh, hey...” you said shyly, looking down at your feet.

“Y/n, why didn’t you tell me?” He was hurt and you knew it.

“J, I promise, this wasn’t even a thought to me until Kie made me buy the test. And now I’m too scared to even look,” you laughed a bit at how silly you sounded and so did he. Kie stood in the hall, not wanting to interrupt.

“Well, do you want me to look?” JJ asked, his voice shaking.

“We’ll look together. 1...2...3...” you counted, grabbing the test on 3.

There it was, plain as day.

POSITIVE.

“What are we gonna do, y/n?” JJ asked, his arms going around your waist, pulling you to him.

“We’re gonna have a baby, J. That’s what we’re gonna do...”

The two of you couldn’t help but smile a little. Sure, you were terrified. But you also knew there was no one else in this world either of you would rather do this with.

“Now comes the really hard part...” JJ smirked

“What’s that?” You asked curiously.

“Telling the others,” JJ swallowed loudly, trying to be dramatic. He kissed you on the forehead, “but that can wait a while, I just want it to be our thing for now.”

“What about me?!” Kie asked jokingly, “can’t auntie Kie be in on this ‘thing’ too? I am the one that made her take the test,” she rolled her eyes, walking over to give you a hug.

The three of you stood there, basking in your newfound excitement. Unsure of what the future would hold, but confident you’d make it through anything together.

[doomdoomp3]

Step by Step (Jonghyun x Reader) - Chapter 7

Story Type: College AU; 2nd person Characters: Jonghyun x Reader Genre: fluff, romance Summary: You’re in Law School and live in a big house with some of your classmates. The boys live downstairs and the girls on the second floor. You’re not too close with some of them, especially with the guys. But then, Easter is here and you can’t go home to visit your parents, neither Jonghyun can go. That’s when you two start to get closer.

Thursday, 10:30am. You only have one class in the afternoon so you were sleeping a little bit more than the usual but suddenly your phone started to ring non stop. You didn't see who was calling, just answered with a completely sleepy voice, looking like a zombie, trying to finish that soon as possible and come back to your dreams.

"Hm? Yes?"  

"Wake up, sunshine."

"Who's it?"  

"It's me!"  

"Me who?" - You rubbed your eyes and looked to the phone screen, trying to come back to life and see the name there. - "Jonghyun... why are you calling me? Let me sleep."  

"You're accepting calls without seeing who is it calling? Oh, that hurt my feelings."

"I was sleeping ok? And you wouldn't stop calling me, so... what do you want?"  

"I want you to open the chat and see your messages. Quickly." - And just like that he hung up the phone.  

"God…" - You sighed. - "What an educated man we have here."  

He sent so many messages, you were shocked with that, maybe something have happened and you didn't know, so you sat on the bed to process the situation.  

Jonghy said: Morning, sunshine   Jonghy said: Wake up, let's go out for lunch ^^   Jonghy said: Wake up :(((   Jonghy said: I'm hungry  

You started to laugh reading his messages. It was 10am boy, calm down. Go eat something, it's not time for lunch yet.

Jonghy said: if you don't wanna go with me ok, fineee  

What a desperate man. It must me his stomach talking (or not).  

Jonghy said: come on :( I know a nice and new place we could check :(   Jonghy said: Y/N wake uuup!!   Jonghy said: I'm gonna call you   *1 missed call from Jonghy*  

You were typing to answer him and another message arrived.

Jonghy said: I know you've read it so come quickly, baby I'm waiting for you in the car

And then a picture pops up. It was him wearing all black, with his favorite red cap, inside the car waiting for you. Not even smiling, just with a soft look, calling for you. Your heart skipped a beat seeing that, he's confusing your head and heart. The anger you were feeling when he woke you up has faded away, just like magic. You had to tap your phone screen twice before it locked because you didn't even know what to answer or how to act after that.  

"First of all, you're so desperate, dude chill!! lol second of it, where are we going? I hope it’s a 5 star place. I'm going to get ready now, it might take a few minutes so don't lose your patience and wait for me. Btw where are you? Aron's car, right? I'll let you know when I'm ready ;)" - You typed back.  

You went to the bathroom and bumped into your friend Rosie in the corridor. She got surprised to see you awake at that time in the morning.

"What happened, Y/N? Is there a monster in your bed? Why are you up already?" - She asked.

"No..." - You laughed after a long sigh. - "Jonghyun just called me. He needs me to do something." - She would mock you if you have said the truth.

"Oh. That's why he was so dressed up. It says a lot." - You entered the bathroom, giving her a suspicious face, thinking about what she meant by that but you decided to let it go.

Soon you went back to your room, you saw a notification coming up in your phone again and yes, it was the most anxious boy in town.

Jonghy said: 5 star?? what do you think I am?? I'm not an heir. But once I get more money I'll take you to one, don't worry :)   Jonghy said: you're taking too long... I'm getting bored   Jonghy said: and tired  

For a few seconds, you really thought about not going just because he was rushing you as if he was dying there. But he was being such a sweetheart to you with no reason and it was better to go see what was his deal.

"I'm goinggg!! Stoppp!!! I'm trying to get ready, don't rush me!! Just a little bit more and I'll be there. Don't die, for god's sake!" - You've sent that to him and JR just replied with a bunch of the pleading face emoji that you could visualize him doing that.

20 minutes have passed and you were leaving the house in a rush, all clumsy with your purse and keys, trying not to drop your phone while texting Jonghyun saying that you were ready to go. You stepped outside and almost got a heart attack. He was right by the door, leaning against the wall, looking at you with such an appealing look.

"Jesus Christ, Kim Jonghyun!" - You put your hands on your chest, scared, shaking a little bit.

"I'm sorry." - He bent down to pick up your keys, feeling regretful for his actions but also laughing at your reaction. - "I didn't mean to scary you."  

"But you did! I thought you were in the car, I wasn't expecting you here." - With a saddening tone of voice, you explained yourself, making him feel bad for you.

"Sorry again!" - He made an adorable face. JR wanted to give you a hug but didn't know how to so he just patted your back as if you were just a kid.

"Yeah, ok. But hey, let's go. You were in such a hurry to go eat, what are we waiting for?"

"Yep!" - Both of you were heading to the car. - "You look stunning, by the way!" - He stepped back for a second, feeling flustered for what he has said.

You were wearing a white shirt with a denim jacket and light beige dress pants, you hadn't given much thought to the look itself, just went with your basic stuff. A compliment wasn't something you would expect to receive.  

"Thank you!" - You smiled back to him as he hurried to try to be a gentleman and open the door for you. - "So do you!" - You didn't just say that out of politeness.

He smiled back to you, finally getting into the car, driving you both to the restaurant.

[justreadingfics]

It’s a Deal (Ch. 14)

Chapter Summary: Hearts are broken.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 3.5k

Warnings: angst, “The Mandalorian” reference.

A/N: One more chapter after this and we’re done. Thank you, incredible Suz, @bucky-the-thigh-slayer for having my back. Love you. The link to my masterlist, where you can find the other chapters, is on my description. Feedback is highly appreciated.

Tag list for this story is closed.  

There’s that annoying little chilling feeling running down his spine while Bucky parks his bike on the nearest parking lot to your building and steps towards your place. Not the dreadful feeling he gets on missions when his life or others’ are in danger. No, not that one. Is that feeling he gets when he knows something’s up, something’s out of order, not necessarily bad, but something that he needs to put his focus on…

He’s been trying to hold himself from going to your place, he knows that it may sound like he’s imposing himself in your personal space, in your life, but he’s been trying to call you in the last few hours, sent a few messages but you haven’t answered  and then that annoying little feeling came to say hello.

And in his long ass life, he’s learned better than to ignore that feeling. He knows you’re not at work because it’s a Sunday and maybe you just went out somewhere without your phone and he’s just being paranoid or something… But he’ll just check if you’re ok, see those pretty eyes of yours and leave. That’s it.  He may seem like a fucking stalker, but if that is going to assure him you’re ok, then so be it.

And God knows how much he would appreciate a glimpse of you right now.

The little hairs on his neck stand in attention at the sight he catches from the corner of your street and brings him to a full stop. That short little asshole of your ex, dragging a big suitcase with one hand and holding a couple of boxes with the other.

Bucky’s heart races and he frowns, watching when that Eddie guy lets go of the suitcase and balances himself to not let the boxes fall while he types the code to open the front door, getting into your building right after, dragging the suitcase with him.

The air catches in Bucky’s throat before it comes out in short little breaths. His mind runs with all the possible scenarios that would explain that scene… he desperately searches for ones that don’t have to mean what his jumping heart is telling him it means.

He’s not thinking clearly through the mess that his mind has become, but he decides he needs to see it for himself, as dreadful as he is of what he’s going to see.

In a few long and quick steps he’s at the building’s door, typing the numbers he’s just registered the douchebag typing and in a second he’s in the elevator up to your floor.

Once he’s at your door, ready to knock on the wood, his hand stops midair, before it drops to his side while he sighs. Deeply. This is madness… he shouldn’t be here. He doesn’t need to see anything, he can wait and talk to you some other time, when he’s less… anguished… anxious… He knows what he’s thinking, but it doesn’t mean that’s the case. You and the guy had lived together for years… maybe he’s just returning some of your stuff… maybe… damn… he brushes his hand over his face, harshly. He should leave.

And he’s about to do exactly that when the door opens.

Bucky has been calling the guy a short little asshole all this time and, while he still may be an absolute jackass and Bucky surely and easily beats him in height, somehow he feels like the smallest person on earth standing in front of the man right now.

“Can I help you?” Eddie asks, hardening his face after an immeasurable moment of stunned silence between the two men.

“Ahm,” Bucky clears his throat and keeps his voice firm, “Can I talk to Y/N?”  

Eddie lets out a small puff and God knows how much Bucky needs to hold himself back from punching that stupid little face, “She’s not home, she had a call for something at work,” Eddie answers plainly.

Bucky feels when his jaw tightens painfully and his chest puffs, “Then what the hell are you doing here?”  His voice comes out dangerously low as his chin tips up.

A little and annoying smirk twists Eddie’s lips and… fuck, Bucky has a terrible feeling about that. “Not that I need to give you any explanation but I’m moving back. This is my home again.” He regards Bucky for a second after adding, “Our home.”

The words punch the air out of Bucky’s lungs and, looking behind Eddie’s shoulder he sees the numerous boxes… your place… where he had you in his arms so many times now filled with that guy’s stuff next to your things… His stomach churns violently.

“Are you… are you and Y/N...” he can’t even finish the question, the words getting stuck in his throat, choking him like a deadly poison.

“Listen, dude…” Eddie bursts out, “What Y/N and I have isn’t some kind of fling or deal or whatever one small time apart can destroy, we belong together.” He huffs and bites his cheek before continuing impatiently, while all Bucky can do is stare at him, frozen in place, ”I have no time for this. If you have questions you can ask her whenever you want, if she has anything to explain to you, she will. Now if you excuse me.” He gestures towards the elevator.

Bucky would rather die a thousand times before he would allow himself to continue showing a single more minute of vulnerability in front of that guy… so he sucks it all down his throat and, holding himself in the excruciating pain rushing up his chest like it’s an anchor, he puts on a hard face and just nods, stepping away while he meets, for the first time, the ache he knows is the feeling of his heart breaking.

~~~

 At the sight before her, Natasha sighs and remembers the time when she would find much different scenarios when she would burst into Bucky’s place. Where she would usually find different underwear tossed around the floor and small parties in his room, now she sees a metal armed dude sprawled on the sofa, face deep into not one, but two huge pints of Stark Raving Hazelnuts from Ben & Jerry’s, while Home Alone plays on the TV, and an Alpine lays comfortably on his lap.

Her little head perks up once Nat’s steps into the room. At least one of them acknowledges her presence.  

“Jesus, Bucky...”

He then moves his gaze to her direction, showing off his puffed eyes while shoving a huge spoon of ice-cream in his mouth, “What?” He speaks with a mouthful, “Breakfast?” He makes an offering gesture with the pint.

“I see you at least put on your uniform,” Nat ignores the offer, stepping towards him, kicking aside the many remains and open packages of junk food on her way. She slaps his leg off the sofa so she can sit beside him. As he grumpily adjusts his position to give her room, an equally grumpy Alpine jumps off his lap and aims a gaze of sheer contempt at Nat, before sauntering towards her plate of food in the kitchen.  

“Well… Show must go on, right?” Bucky answers while his saddened gaze fixes on the tv again.

Nat just stares at him for a moment, her heart twisting in sorrow at his miserable demeanor, “Listen…” she says, with a softer tone, “I checked, she really is on a mission.” At that, she spots the twitch on his jaw, but he doesn’t look back at her, “Apparently it was some last-minute thing about Thor and earthly technology.” Nat frowns and shrugs, “That’s probably the reason why she’s not picking up your calls or mine for the last couple of days. She’s just busy. You can talk to her when she comes back.”

“Why?” He puts the pints of ice cream aside as his face snaps at her.

Despite the initial harshness on his tone, there’s no trace of anger there on his expression. Just… sadness… and, honestly, Nat would deal better with the anger. She’s never seen Bucky like this… not after he came back from Wakanda.

Bucky breathes in a shuddering breath, like it’s painful for him to even do that before he continues speaking, “The guy is back to her place, Nat… all his fucking boxes and clothes and shit next to hers. They’re back together. That’s it. I honestly don’t wanna listen to her telling me how much that guy matters to her…” His voice cracks, but he goes on talking, “That she and I was fun, I was a good fuck and all but not good enough compared to ten years with that…” He huffs, “That douchebag. I don’t wanna hear her saying he’s the real deal and not me.” He bites on his cheek, looking at Nat with eyes becoming glossy, “I just don’t think I can.”

“Bucky…”

“Ugh, no, seriously Nat, fuck,” he growls while he narrows his eyes and his jaw tightens, “Seriously, that guy… if he only… shit… he doesn’t deserve her.” Indignance pours out of his voice, which comes out through his teeth while his hands clench into fists, “He doesn’t appreciate what he has… ugh…” He groans, and lets himself fall back into the sofa, “But…” He sighs, and nods, licking his lips, “If that’s what she wants… I’m not gonna try and take it away from her. I won’t.”  He shrugs.

Like she’s sensing the distress in her human, Alpine materializes on the sofa, between Nat and Bucky, and lets out a meow before curling herself against his thigh. Bucky absentmindedly starts petting her neck, staring up to the ceiling.

Nat could hear the pain of his heart shattering through his words. As for her… regret creeps up inside her. Regret for starting this between Bucky and you. She had a feeling that things could go south, but in all the scenarios she pictured for that, Bucky being the one heartbroken definitely wasn’t one of them. And yet, there he is. Devastated. Completely fucked. In a way she never thought she would see him for… love.

Damn… 

“Are you guys ready?”

The three of them turn towards the voice, spotting Steve there, in his full gear and his signature worried and yet soft look that belongs to Bucky.

“Yup,” Bucky taps on his thighs and grabs Alpine in one hand, who meows loudly, and two suitcases, one bigger and one smaller with the other one.

“Are you seriously taking her with us?” Nat checks, following him towards the door.

“Wherever I go, she goes,” he answers, his voice as down as his face.

“Buck,” Steve puts his hand on his friend’s shoulder, stopping him at the door, “Are you sure you’re ok to go on the mission, I can-“

“I’m fine, punk,” Bucky cuts him off, “I’m a grown ass man, I can handle my feelings.” 

As Bucky walks past his friend and moves to the elevator, Nat exchanges looks with Steve. She’s heard Bucky saying that exact sentence numerous times lately, after he acknowledged the way he feels for you.

The difference is that the usual confidence is just not there anymore.

~~~

You’re frowning while looking down at him. His words making their way into your senses. 

You free one hand of his secured hold to reach over and cup his smiling face.

He leans into your touch.

You make a decision.

 Your heart and mind are finally set together in what you now know you want. Hell… you think you know this for a while, but now… with Eddie bringing all those memories and telling you all of that, it did help you get through the split in your heart and mend it back into one. A whole new heart.

One that is all his.

His.

“Eddie,” your voice is soft, while he smiles up at you, “I remember all of that.” You smile, too, referring to the box of memories next you, “Every single memory… everything we shared… those ten years… they helped me mold me into what I am. There’s no me, there’s no what I am today without them,” you state, while, with your thumb, you caress his cheek.

Eddie nods, “There’s no me without you, either, that’s why I’m here.”

“But, Eddie…” you sigh and lick you lips, “Remember how you’ve told me a couple of times I seem different?”

The smile on Eddie's face slowly drops.

“That’s because I am… I’m not just… I’m not just that anymore.” You nod towards the box, “I found out there’s more in me, and honestly, I think there’s more in you, too, that just doesn’t fit to what we used to be anymore.”

He blinks repeated times, staring up at you, and you lean even closer and cup both sides of his face. 

“I’m sorry. This is all part of who I am. You’re part of who I am. But I can’t go back.” You shake your head, “I can’t.”  

He keeps his stare on you and, after a moment, like he’s been processing what you said to him, he lets out a huff, “Are you serious?” he harshly pulls your hands away from his face and gets up, “Are you fucking serious? Is this because you’re fucking that guy?” He raises his voice, gesturing away.

“Eddie…” You tilt your head as a warning sign.

“No, seriously, you’re trading me, you’re trading us for what?” He spits and points to his chest while his face contorts into something ugly you’ve never seen on him before, “A player who will throw you in the trash for the next nicer piece of ass he sees? For what? A good fuck? An eight pack? A few more inches of dick? Come on…”

“Hey,” you snap, rushing up from your seat to level him, “What the fuck, Eddie?” You curse, as he stares back at you defiantly, “First of all you don’t get to talk to me like that, you lower you goddamn tone.” You point a finger at him, “And, honestly? Bucky is not just “that guy” to me. He’s not a player. You don’t know him, and you don’t know who I am with him, you could never know.”

Through the anger bringing red blurs to your vision, you see when his Adam bone bobs, but he keeps an insolent chin lifted up and he has struck something in you by talking about Bucky and your feelings for him in such a belittling way.  

“I didn’t want things to end like that,” you continue, shaking your head, “I really didn’t, but if you’re talking shit you don’t know the first thing about… ugh… fuck that,” you let out a harsh breath, “In one month or so Bucky respected and appreciated me more than you did in ten years. With him I don’t have to pretend I like or don’t like things just not to upset him or whatever, I learned I can be fun and honest… and…  and he fucking eats my pussy, for God’s sake,” you burst out in a rush of spite.

Eddie takes a step back, completely stunned by your words and outburst, while a dead silence settles in the room.

“Wow,” he mumbles nodding his head and looking away from you.

You shut your eyes and breathe in deeply, letting your head drop for a moment, while reason starts to come back to your senses, “Shit… shit…” You curse under your breath, looking up at him again, “This is not about that, Eddie…” you say, being honest with him and yourself, “I loved you, I really did, you are so important… I appreciate our time together so much… but now…” You press your lips in a taut line and shrugs, “It’s over…And, yeah… Bucky may be in my life now, but-“

He snorts, crossing his arms in front of his chest. There’s pure scorn in his gaze for you, but you decide to ignore that. Eddie really matters a lot to you and you don’t want to end it in such a bad note. You want closure for the two of you, so both of you can accept what you had is over and move on with your lives. 

“But this is not about him. Not completely, at least,” you continue, “It’s us Eddie.” You plead, taking a step closer to him, “Our relationship meant the world, but… but I think we outgrew it-”

“You speak for yourself,” he spits.

You sigh at the anger that is still there, spilling through his voice, but you nod, and speaks softly, “Ok, then… I outgrew our relationship, but even if you think you haven’t, that doesn’t mean it would be good for you to insist on something you realized at some point it wasn’t what you wanted anymore. You can’t deny that.”  

You gasp and try to keep your balance when he drops on his knees and latches himself at you, hugging your waist tightly, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know I caused all this, but please don’t leave me, don’t give up on us,” he begs, his voice breaking, pressing his cheek on you, “Please… please.”

“Eddie… Eddie…” You try catching his attention, as he keeps his chant of remorseful and begging words,  “Stop... stop, Eddie, come here.”

You reach down for his forearms, adding some force to pull him up, to which he lets you. 

When his weeping face levels yours, you gently wipe the tears falling down with your fingers, “You ended this because you weren’t happy, either, and it’s ok. It’s ok to let go,” you say, gently, before cupping his face and fixing your gaze on his, “Let go, Eddie. Let go.”

He exhales, his eyes shutting. While you keep gentle hands on his face, he brings his forehead to yours.

“We’re gonna be ok,” you whisper, wishing that he would understand that moving on is the best thing for the two of you.

At that, he harshly parts himself from you. Hurt and rejection plastered all over his face while he averts his gaze from you.

“Eddie… I don’t know what else to say,” you heave a sigh.   

Before he gives you the comeback he’s about to give you, which you know it wasn’t gonna be a nice one, your phone rings. Nick Fury’s ringtone.

“Shit,” you curse, “I’m sorry, I need to pick that.” You rush and reach out for your phone on the center table, “Yes, Sir… of course… absolutely. I’ll gather my team and will be there in one hour, tops. Alright.”

“It’s work…” you tell Eddie, looking down as you turn off your phone.

“On a fucking Saturday night?” Eddie scoffs, not looking at you.

“Thor is on a solo mission and needs assistance from my team. Fury asked me to lead it. I…” You look at him, but he doesn’t look back at you, “I need to go change,” you say, defeated by his refusal to engage with you or with what you’ve been trying to tell him so far.

Once you come back from your bedroom in a hurry and ready to leave, Eddie is there in the living room, now sitting on the sofa.

“Are you sure?” He asks once you walked over the sofa and met his dull gaze.

“Yes.”

He nods slowly, biting his cheek.

“I’m gonna need to go now, Eddie,” you tentatively say. You step closer to him, but he turns his face to the other side and you take the hint. Stopping on your track.

“What of this place?” He gestures around.

You look around the place you two got together and as from that moment, you don’t see yourself in it anymore. Satisfied with your decision, you walk towards the key hook on the wall and he watches as you come closer to him again and take his hand from his lap, putting the keys in his palm.

“This place is not mine anymore,” you give him a tight smile.

You hold his hand a little longer while his gaze lingers at where you’re touching him.

“Goodbye, Eddie,” you say.

When he doesn’t give you an answer or even spares a look your way, you sigh, deeply. If that’s how he wants it to go, so be it. Letting go of his hand you walk to the door.

As soon as you step aside from your now former home, you realize you’re also walking towards a new phase of your life and you take in a big and refreshing breath before a loose smile forms in your lips. There’s only one thing in your mind, now. Or better, one person.

Bucky.  

~~~

[ramp-it-up]

Cuddle Buddies

Pairing: Roommate! Rafael Casal x Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Minors DNI, RPF, angst, cursing, pining, jealousy, suggestive language, butt slapping, fluff! No smut!  All errors my own. I apologize if you like the smell of patchouli, lol.

A/N: This is an answer to the following ask from @teatro-dira :

Okay so I don't know if this is kinda weird but like an Rafael x reader were they are like really cuddly(like a lot of hugs, cuddling and stuff) friends and roommates and everyone teases them asking them if they're dating. Then Rafael gets a girlfriend which makes y/n lowkey feel betrayed and jealous, but he doesn't realize that. Y/n accidentally ruins their relationship(you chose how). They get into a fight, but it ends in fluff. Hope you understand what I mean:)

Here it goes! I hope you like it!

———-

A series of unfortunate events led you to this situation six months ago.

You were subletting Rafael’s apartment in Santa Monica when production wrapped a month early on his project in Vancouver. He had nowhere to go, and neither did you, so you agreed to share the space.

You vibed, almost as much as he and Daveed did. Folks began to call you the fourth Muskateer, for as much as you, Rafa, Daveed and his girl were always together. 

You all talked, smoked, and created together. You and Rafa especially were always all over each other, keeping each other warm under blankets on the couch, watching movies while you ran your fingers through his hair, in one or another’s bed watching videos, or writing in tandem. 

It was all good, cause Rafa was being a man-whore at the moment with several ladies, and you were just chilling. It was dope. 

Almost.

It would have been all the way dope, except...

Except for the fact that you were in love with Rafa.

You loved sharing the same space with him, because you could smell him when he just got out of the shower, play in his silky hair, and feel his strong arms around you. And when he wore grey sweats…. Damn.  You and your little bullet celebrated every time that happened.

Everyone could tell, except for Rafael.  People ragged on you two so hard, that you vehemently denied it every time, to the point of getting heated.

One night, you side eyed the teaser through a cloud of smoke after catching Rafa’s grimace when they said you two should get together.  Your mood sank at what you perceived was rejection.

“I would NEVER get with Rafa, that’s the homie.  He’s like a brother to me. Ugh. Getting with my brother? No way. We’re just Cuddle Buddies.”

Rafa blinked and then took a toke.

“Exactly, we the homies. Platonic Ride or Dies.  It’ll never happen.”  He passed what he was holding and then stood up. “Cuddle Buddies till the end.”  He sounded disgusted.

“I’m going to go get some food. I’m hungry. What does everyone want?”  After everyone yelled out their orders, you offered to come with.

“Nah, sis.  I’m good.  Gonna clear my head. I’ll be back soon.  Rafa peaced out and you sat back down with the crew.

-------

Ever since that night, Rafa seemed a little distant.  He was always busy, and never had time to sit and kick it with you the last couple of weeks.  You all never seemed to link.

One night, he was home when you came in with groceries.

“Oh shit, I didn’t know that you’d be here!” You put the groceries down on the counter while Rafa was at the stove, cooking up some pasta with marina.

“Mmmmmm. Smells good!” You went and stood very close to him, expecting him to give you a side hug, at least.

He just turned and glanced at you, a smirk lifting one side of his face.

“Will you never learn to keep an umbrella in the car? You always come in soaking wet from the rain.”

Here he was, shaking his head that you didn’t have enough sense to come in out of the rain.  How could this talented genius ever want to be with you?

You just played it off, as usual. “I’m starving. I didn’t think I would make it through cooking, but you’re always clutch, Rafa!” 

Rafa stood there and gaped at you.

“Uhhhhh… I thought you said you were driving down to the Vista to see your mom… I have someone coming over for dinner....”

“No.  She’s decided to go on a cruise to Cabo with her bestie… she just called and told me as she was boarding the ship this afternoon.  The hussy. Tryna be fast with her little friends.”  You laughed.

“So, who’s coming over?  UTK? Wayne? Jimmy?”

You jumped up on the counter and watched as Rafa put some french bread with butter and garlic in the oven.  Smelled like heaven.  Those guys would definitely invite you to stay.

Rafa wiped his hands on the towel that was hanging on the stove. And turned around to face you.

“Her name is Aurora.”

It was like he’d punched you in the gut. He’d NEVER brought one of his heauxes around. You fought the urge to double over, even though you felt nauseous.  When you looked at him, he looked concerned.

“Hey, you okay?”

You jumped down from the counter and quickly nodded your head, laughing weakly.  

“I...uh.. Yeah.  Like I said, I haven’t eaten since breakfast, expecting to be at dinner with my moms by now.”

You grabbed your groceries, putting them up quickly and grabbed an apple, taking it to your room.

“I’m going to get out of your way in a minute, I’ll go over to Carla’s and hang with her tonight. We’ll probably go out and do what we do, you know?”

Rafa still looked worried.

“Are you sure you’re ok? You need more than an apple. Look, stay…”

“NO!”  Your voice was raised and it startled you.  “I mean, I’m not one to be a cock blocker.  I’ll just get my stuff and get ready to go.”

Rafa just watched as you scurried into your room. Why did you feel like crying?  Why did you feel as if you would never breathe properly again?  You got out your phone and called Carla.

20 minutes later, you exited your room dressed for the club with your overnight bag.  There was a strange smell in the room, and it wasn’t pasta.  It was patchouli.  You HATED patchouli.

You didn’t realize you were giving the gas face until Rafa came out of the kitchen followed by a short, but cute woman, with a body like, whoa. 

Of course.

Rafa glared at you and you fixed your face.  That bestie telepathy was on point. Then he looked up and down, as if he were judging your freakum dress.  Well, fuck him.

“Oh, hey!  Y/N, this is Aurora.  Aurora, Y/N.”

Aurora ignored your outstretched hand and went in for a hug. 

“Y/N!  I’ve heard so much about you that I feel like I know you intimately, just like Rafael.”  

You tried to keep your face straight in reaction to her scent, then gave her a sideye. 

Was it the inept way she rolled the ‘R’ in Rafael, or the thinly veiled shot at your relationship? Either way, you felt like slapping the shit out of her. You looked at Rafa, but then just cleared your throat.

“And I’ve heard so much about you as well.  You’re all Rafa talks about.” He shook his head behind her.  “Nice to meet you, but I’m headed out for the night.”

It was then that Aurora saw your bag and brightened up.  

“Oh!  You do look nice. Are you leaving, you sure you don’t want to stay?”  

You could smell insincerity a mile away. Even patchouli couldn’t cover that up. You just smiled at her.  

“No ma’am.  I’ve got places to see and people to do.”  You winked at them as you walked out of the door, holding up your umbrella.  “Stay dry y’all.”

You made it out the door without crying of jack slapping that little bitch or Rafa.  You were winning.  

But why did it feel like you’d lost everything?

-----

You and Rafa successfully avoided one another for days.  He was either over Aurora’s or you were with Carla, your mom, or just stayed in your room.

One time you passed Rafa and Aurora on the couch watching a movie on your way to the kitchen to get something to eat.  Rafa’s head was in her lap.

You stopped dead in your tracks when you heard Rafa’s slightly raised voice say: “Don't’ mess with the swoop, Babe.”

‘Babe.’ He called her Babe. That’s it. It was time for you to go. 

You were cramping Rafa’s style.  You just tiptoed back in your room, making little to no noise so that they could watch the movie in peace. You didn’t see Rafa looking at your door after you went in.

----

A week later, you let Rafa know your move out date.

“Wait. What?”

Rafa’s mouth was open. You repeated yourself.

“Well, I’m going to move in with Carla. She’s going to let me ride her couch until this other place comes open in three weeks. It’s a sweet deal, near the studio….”

Rafa’s mind was racing, you could see the gears turning.

“Well… why don’t you just stay here until then, we got a good thing going.” He looked upset. What was up with him?

“Rafa… I’m just in the way.  You’ve got Aurora…”

“Hold up, wait.  We aren’t even that serious.  I mean, I just stopped seeing Bev and Chrissy. He looked at his watch. Last week.”

You laughed at Rafa’s fuckboi ways.  “Well, what about me? I might want to date someone and bring them over…”

Rafa’s face changed.

“Bring someone over here…”

But it didn’t sound like an invitation, it sounded like a threat.  

It was your turn to stare at Rafa.  “What the hell…?”

He straightened up.  “I mean, any of your guests are welcome here.”

You sighed and shook your head. 

“See what I mean? Things are getting tense, I want us to stay friends, not be tight with each other all the time.”

Rafa grinned.  “You said ‘tight.’”  He dodged a couch pillow thrown at his head.

“What are you, a 12 year old?”  You were rolling.  He really was one of your best friends.  But you needed space to get over yourself.  And him.

“Okay.  You grown.  But just know that you don’t have to go.  And know that I will miss the hell out of you.”  

Rafa came over to hug you, and he held you longer than normal, and then kissed the top of your head.  You looked up at him, still in his arms and it was like…

You cleared your throat.  “Well, I guess I better go start to pack.”

Rafa stepped back.  “Ok.”

Both of you hurried to your perspective rooms.

-----

One night, a couple of days later, Rafael came into your room without knocking.

“What did you say to Aurora?”

You were laying on your stomach on your phone, in just your t-shirt an panties.  You rolled over and looked at him. 

“What are you talking about?”

Rafa wasn’t yelling, but he was keyed up.

“What did you tell her the last time you talked?”

You put your head down to think, then brought it back up. 

“I just said that I was going to miss playing in your hair when we watched movies, that I knew it was your favorite thing.”

Rafa nodded, then shook his head.  

“Y/N, you’re the only one I let touch my hair.  Aurora has barely been allowed near it.”

“That’s…. New.”  You were perplexed.

“No it isn’t. Everyone knows I don’t like people messing with my hair.  Aurora accused me of having feelings for you.”

You were sitting up now, crossing your arms and standing before Rafa.

“That’s ridiculous.”

Rafa looked like he was about to explode. He threw his hands up in the air and walked out of your room.

“OF COURSE IT IS! RIDICULOUS!”  He was really agitated.

“Yeah, I know all too well that you think it's ridiculous for me to want to be with you.  I don’t know what makes you think I’m not good enough for you?”

“Good enough for ME?  You’re the one running around with all the model/actress types, you’re the one who thinks I’m beneath you.  You said so that one night when you said we were ‘Platonic Ride or Dies.’”

“Here we go! Total distortion! Did you hear what you said before I said that?  You said I was like your brother.  Your brother.  You think it’s that disgusting to be with me.”

“I just said that because you made a face when what’s her face said we should be together.”

“I made that face because I was imagining fucking your brains out.  It was probably my cum face.”

You stopped and stared at him, mouth hinged open.

“The fuck?”  You burst out laughing.  “You are mad outta pocket Rafa.” Rafa was rolling too.  “But you ain’t gotta lie.”

Rafa stopped laughing.  

“Why do you think I’m lying?”

He was moving closer to you. This felt… dangerous. He looked up and down your body, and it was the first time you felt uncomfortable being comfortable around Rafa.

“Because you told me that you wanted to just be Cuddle Buddies a month after you came back from Canada. You drew a line in the sand.”

Rafa shook his head at you and smiled, green-blue eyes twinkling. 

“I knew you were too zooted.  I shouldn’t have tried to shoot my shot.”

“Run that back for me?”  You couldn’t believe what he was saying right now.

“What I said was..I wanted to be Cuddie buddies. Cuddie is… you know…”  

He pointed to your crotch.

You looked down, and then up at him again. “I can’t with you Rafa….” 

Rafa tilted his head in that sexy way at you. 

“Can you really not?” 

You were stunned.  Rafa continued.

“But I’m serious. When you came back with ‘Cuddle Buddies,’ I thought you were blowing me off and just wanted to be friends. So, I just settled into the friend zone.”

“Do you mean you’re attracted to me? Rafa, that’s funny as hell. You want me for my body?”

Rafa raised his eyebrows at you. “Hell yeah. C’mon girl. You know you’re fine.” 

Your cheeks heated up. You stared at him for what must have been a solid minute.  The possibilities of this alternate reality where Rafa liked you like you liked him opened up.

“But, Rafa... I don’t wanna be just cuddie buddies.”

“Oh. Ok, Cool….” Rafa cleared his throat and looked everywhere but at you.

“I want your heart.” 

Rafa paused when he heard that and his face fell as he moved toward you.  He took your arms in his hands.

“Y/N I'm sorry, I can't give you my heart.”

It was your turn to pick up your face.

“’Cause you already have it.” 

His mischievous grin made your stomach flip.  But you were mad.

“Fuck you, Rafa.” You were laughing with happiness, despite him playing too much.

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me twice.” Rafa swooped down and threw you over his shoulder. “I’ve been waiting six months for that invitation.”  

You were trying to kick and scream. 

Raa swatted you on the ass, then smoothed his hand over the cheek that stung.

“The more you struggle, the more you’ll be begging me to stop in a few.”

You struggled some more, but he made it to your bedroom and deposited you on the bed.  He glared down at you, all sexy green-eyed god.

“Try me, Y/N.”

You reached for the drawstring on his sweats.

“If you insist, Rafael.”

-----

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