#ok i will stop vent posting. its just.
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Having. the most sickening realisations ever about myself tonight actually. throwing myself into the ocean etc
#i'm okay (?) and its not actually sickening or like. shouldnt be probably but it is to me i'm actually tbh a little nauseous#and i don't want to think about anything ever again#it's fine i'm fine i'm doing so god damn well#z talks#not horse game#ok i will stop vent posting. its just.#man *stares out into the ocean like a horse*
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sooo like finals r over now
thank god its xmas break now
#hello! uhhhh yea#had to shut myself out from tumblr because i cant lie. my academic grades gone to shit and it was really upsetting#and SOMEONES monitoring my grades ykykyk#unfortunately i dont think i improved that much. combined with my worsening mental health to be honest but... life is life#i dont know. ive been such a mess lately and i didnt want to project my negative emotions hard here so i just stopped posting#i dont like venting here as much and i try to limit it because i dont want to put my irl vulnerability out there#at least i dont have to dwell on it now. for NOW at least#i dont think im venting? right now? im just explaining how ive been i 'spose#i was in bluesky during my absence here and its going ok. idk when ill redownload tumblr app but ill try to pop in here more often#i'm sorry for acting very cold for awhile - its just been difficult for me#~ rambling#but at least i can focus on less stressful things now
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I swear to god one day I‘ll be like „I love my OCs so much my genius knows no bounds it‘s so sad not more people see them“ and the next make a complete 180 to „I‘m so cringe I should delete this entire blog and never show myself on the internet ever again“.
Like ok bro please pick a struggle I don‘t have the emotional energy for both
#gams speaks#in my defense i have a history of excitedly posting oc ask games on my blog#and one specific person (who I‘m not involved with anymore) just as excitedly asking me things#and when i answered they proceeded to completely ignore said answers#haha that made me kinda insecure#but im in therapy for my anxiety and insecurity now its fine!#but yh whenever i get asks now i just go ‚‚do you actually wanna know or are you just pitying me‘‘#which is so#why#ok i should stop venting in the tags now this blog isnt about me jesus christ#but yeah ThAtS tHe StOrY oF wHy i DoNt Do OC aSk GaMeS aNyMorE
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Sigh i hate being on yt
#vent#I said i was gonna make a 4k sub special. But quite frankly i get get myself to work on it#Im not fixated on sprunki as much. I still like it but my motivation is gone#My adhd has been rlly bad recently and im bouncing around like crazy#I never expected to get 4 thousand ppl to follow me. That's so many ppl#I missed when ppl didn't expect so much from me. I missed when ppl were ok with me only making an animation like. Once every 3 weeks at most#Missed when i didn't have so many eyes on me. This is so stressful#'dw im still working on the 4k subscriber special!' a fucking lie#Cuz i don't want ppl to hates me. I don't want to loose fans. And im pretty sure nobody cares ant sprunki anymore so i don't think its gonna#Get any attention anyways#Holds my head#I hate yt i hate what it's done to me. I wish i could go back in time and stop myself from uploading that stupid twiddlefinger animation#I HATE IT HERE IM SO TIRED. I.M LITERALLY JUST SOME GUY WHO LIKES TO ANIMATE. IM NOT UR ENTERTAINER#How do ppl deal with this. I hate it. I hate it i hate it i hate it. I would delete my channel if i didn't have a petrifying fear of#Having something of mine being lost media#I love all those who truly love my work. But those who expect me to upload stuff that they only like forever and ever is less than the#Number of genuine fans. I can't keep doing this. I might need a break again. Im spiraling again#Im sorry. Im so tired. I rlly am. I missed whenever i only had 600 subs.#Sigh. Ok im done#text#text post
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its like at this point i dont even want to talk to you anymore because all you do is complain about shit that doesnt fucking matter and act like everything is a personal attack and act like everything that minutely bothers you is everyones biggest problem in the whole world
like if it was really that important to you you wouldve said something when it was relevant and convenient but if you didnt even remember, then how in the actual hell did you expect the two other people in the house with known object permanence issues to also remember
like actually fuck off before i start breaking shit
#she didnt even yell this time like all she said was something about the garbage not having been taken out#and how its an issue that it doesnt go out because she still has to pay for it#ok??? i dont fucking care?? id care if you didnt act like such an asshole about it??#maybe stop being such a prick and ill actually take your concerns seriously#my post#ignore me#it is so impossible to talk to someone that quite literally can barely hear you but also very much doesnt#youve done it the same way for 80 years therefore that means its obviously the right way! right? right??#i cant wait for the day i can leave this house forever and never step foot inside again#i dont even hate her i just hate living in this house and i always have#and shes not making it any better at all#vent#personal
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> Vacher created this drink after discovering the effects of Primordial Seawater after being diluted with normal water. He manufactured and marketed it to fund his experiments, earning a lot of money through doing so.
> Vacher was an adventurer from Snezhnaya who traveled to Fontaine.
> Marcel, real name Vacher, is a quest-exclusive NPC that appears as one of the main antagonists in the Archon Quest Chapter IV: Act II - As Light Rain Falls Without Reason.
With all due respect, Genshin, can we fucking stop mostly using Snezhnayans as main antagonists in Genshin storyline and keep making Traveler have 9/10 people be a damn villain? This is getting very damn old. 'From Snezhnaya' and ofc I see negative connotations next to it or affiliation to it.
Hi, so, if I'm ignorant about this forgive me I'll catch up on the story quests this week.
I had to rant in tags. pls don't read if you don't want to hear rus-tatar's thoughts on representation of snezhnaya across the story AGAIN. i look back on remun's post and scream internally all over again.
P.S. I understand Harbingers are supposed to be the villains, Tsaritsa, yadda yadda but if Tartaglia's quest showcased Snezhnayan's culture in a better light, Genshin can get its shit together and write Snezhnayan NPCs better with some more quests to expose bits and pieces of their WARMER culture. They CAN give us more NPCs who can show doubt, concern, be friendly to others, try to help out. There are TONS of ways to do that.
#sorry im finally catching up on genshin storyline and the annoyed sigh and groan i let out is insane#makes me want to reblog remun's post again about how genshin continues to villainize every single person of snezhnaya and only showing#how they're the baddies and making everyone forget about the other parts of snezhnayans#when was the last time we've had an ok representation of snezhnayans? during the island and klee rerun i think#man been years#ofc we've got all nezhnayans as only villains (9/10 a snezhnaya traveler meets is a villain tbqh at this point)#never gonna stop saying how ganyu's quest was straight up fucked up#anyways yeah some rant on my side#negative tw#i say this writing a russian mafiosi yes but i wrote zarina for years and GENSHIN CAN MAKE SNEZHNAYANS BETTER#AND BRING UP THE FAMILY TIES LIKE IN TARTAGLIA'S QUEST#AND THE MIRROR MAIDEN WITH HER LOCKET WITH HER FAMILY (BROTHERS)#OR THE SNEZHNAYANS AT THE NORTHERN BANK WHO WE ALL SHIPPED FOR YEARS TO GET TOGETHER#like my god. please.#like lbr the anti snezhnayan agendas that appear in some people's minds is so fucking bad like you can see through their behavior#and its so upsetting. i will NEVER stop bringing this up because i've been a victim of stereotypes#i've been a victim of bad publicity of my culture and its just getting on my nerves#rant cw#vent cw#lets not forget how infuriating memories of zhongli's and ganyu's quests specifically that got me to be upset#because in BOTH of their quests snezhnayans were fucking awful#AND IN GANYU'S QUEST THE SNEZHNAYAN LITERALLY DID FUCKING NOTHING HE'S STARVING AND HE GOT BEATEN UP BY TRAVELER AND GANYU#WITHOUT BEING ASKED SHIT#oh lord anyways if zarina is very adamant about her stance on snezhnayans it's supported by game portrayals#thanks it's not just her being petty she has reasons to be#based on how game showcases others' views on snezhnayans she WAS fucking bullied when she joined#she WAS verbally abused by other students or even other graduates who thought she was with Fatui#because thats how fucking real that is and it HURTS and I PRAY SNEZHNAYA WILL BE DONE CORRECTLY#BECAUSE THIS SHIT KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT AND I KEEP GETTING EXTREMELY WORRIED...
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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someone tell me why people would rather just not talk to me for the chance i might talk about something i like
#vent post#ig??? not really its funny but tagging vent just in case#but no like fr it feels like no one could give a fuck less about what i life and each time i talk about something i like#ppl either change the subject immediately or just ignore me/go silent lmao#i kinda wanna just like stop talking about things i like would that make me bareable to be around?#ok ig this is a vent idfk i don't actually vent often#anyway back to youtube and popcorn
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#venting in this blog as it has less than 100 followers but#it makes me so sad to see some corners of the tolkien fandom feel like#they have to resort to AI “art” to depict their characters#ive observed some used to pay for loads of commissions and now its all AI#i get that its free and that people would rather not draw if they feel they dont have the talent for it#its a chore for me too sometimes i get it!!#and then they post it on various art and fic sites and im like#shaking them by their shoulders pleading for them to stop#if you need to use it for help with character design when your hand isnt skilled enough to like#siiighhh i get that ok fine#but then just use it as a reference and try your hand at it#i complain sometimes when im doing art but it really is a thing of beauty and inner peace when you can make something with#your own hand#even if its bad to some peoples eyes! but then you gain the valuable skill of blocking out the haters
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Having people you care about who are suicidal while you're not suicidal is truly a special torture I think I want to go back to wanting to kill myself im gonna throw up
#vent post#it's just. knowing theres no quick fix or surefire solution because there never was for /you/#it feels a little hopeless yknow? like what can i do really? how can i singlehandedly restore your faith in the world?#how can i stop your body from causing you constant pain?#i literally cant. and im not good at handling the fact that i cant do much#doesnt help that last time a friend tried to kill themself i sorta didnt see or didnt take note of the warning signs#now someone is letting me see all the warning signs it's setting off the 'THIS IS WAY WORSE THAN LAST TIME ALARMS' and idk if thats true#but its really putting me on edge about it#for forever i was used to knowing people who want to kill themselves but dont ever take action to do it#which is miserable and terrible but it's not particularly scary#PLUS doesnt help that by coincidence i was remembering other horrible miserable things that happened after my friend tried to kill themself#and my brain loves to imagine what mjght happen if they /do/ try to kill themself. what I'll do when i find out. whay ill do if they succeed#i dont really want to think about it but we're thinking about it i guess#hey isnt it kinda funny that my parents /still/ dont know my friend tried to kill themself that night#and i got yelled at for being antisocial while i was sobbing and sick with grief and unable to get out of bed#oh im gonna throw up. anyway#dont mind me im mostly ok#feeling a little sick but i can manage
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I love when I'm talking to someone and someone else who I don't know like that butts in to ask a really personal question that informs the conversation they are not a part of
#joked to a coworker that shes gonna get in trouble for breaking dress code and ahe asked abt my shirt#and i said i have a special exception and was gonna leave it at that and tell her abt it later when ppl werent around#and my fucking old supervisor who was literally demoted for being bad at their job goes 'whats your special exception'#first of all who was talking to you. not me#so i said i am disabled and constricting clothes cause discomfort and they said 'why don't you just buy plain shirts'#BITCH WHO ASKEDDDD. first of all they do not pay me enough for that second of all they should just comply with the fucking ada#so why are they interrupting my fucking conversation to ask about my clothes#im just too tired and frustrated and stressed for this. theyre lucky there were people around or i would've lost it probably#lol when an ex coworker decides its ok to share what you post on your personal blog with people you still work with#if any of you are looking at this post again stop. leave my blog. its incredibly inappropriate to share a private blog without permission#i don't tell anyone at work about my blog for a reason. this has been my blog/diary since i was 12 years old#i say things on here I wouldn't say irl because this is where i vent thoughts that are harsh. please respect my privacy#and stop fucking snooping on me. thanks.#and please do no not mention anything you saw here to anyone ever. including me.
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no but like what the fuck
#vent post time!!!!!!!!!!!!#like ok so i graduate and then what#i move? to a different province? and i learn to teach kids? and then what#and then i teach kids???#what if it doesnt make me happy#like the thought makes me happy now#but what if i get there and it doesnt#or what if it stops making me happy#am i just like doomed to keep making new batches of friends every 4-5 years? will there always be awful people amongst them?#i didnt...think id make it this far?#like i know thats dark and stupid but like i didnt and now im just kind of making very brief one to two year plans because i dont know what#to do and that scares me. like graduating is terrifying because i dont know whats next#like no matter where i go even if i stay here it will be intrinsically different#and i dont want to stay here because its safe or because i know this place because i dont want to get stuck here#maybe im just scared of growing older? i dont know man#idk. living with anxiety is hard.#like i know it'll b ok but its scary. and it never stops being scary.#its ok for now because i still have a year left
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this is genuinely... so funny to me. like the hilarity of copypasting rational tweets. i'm literally right. it's not even a funny copypasta because it's literally just. objectively correct. it's a criticism of twitter culture and that makes it funny to you because...... god forbid you actually have empathy for other people. caring is for losers if you're on twitter dot com, you have to be snarky and funny at all times.
#moots & friends keep sending me shit and im just like. lmfao this is embarrassing for YOU guys. i stand by everything ive said actually.#i'm sorry you think trying to have a genuine conversation about harmful behaviours is cringe#you consider yourself an activist and will retweet every fucking post abt current events#but you can't actually be bothered to make a positive change in your own life.........#the fact that most of them stop responding after they realize im not going to freak out and give them something emotional is very telling#it's not even like most of them disagree they literally just want to make fun of me for...... caring. like ok. weird hill to die on idk#im at the point where im considering privating my tweets just so i dont continue to get ppl responding but#i think its important that ppl can see my responses. because i stand by them and clearly other ppl do too#theres been a lot of mixed responses but a lot of people have actually ended up agreeing with me after some back and forth#which i appreciate. i didnt want to start fuckin. twitter drama. but like. ill take it#i dont interact with sunnyblr at all so i think this is a good opportunity to potentially change at least a few ppls perspectives#and if youre too far gone to the point where you think that someone caring about perpetuating homophobic rhetoric is funny#i. dont really want to interact with you anyway lol. get better soon xoxo#last post about this on here im. putting this to rest.#ada speaks#genuinely disgusting how many of these ppl will say shit like. ppl are dying. like... yeah. what are YOU doing to help.#retweeting a donation link or someones random carrd doesnt do shit actually. performative armchair activism.#same ppl tweeting vapid shit while acting like theyre above engaging with me on this#i was venting about people qrting glenns old tweets with stupid shit because it was clogging my tl actually lol
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#can i stop seeing the 10000 gazillion calories big and greedy twitter post here!#yes i do think its a bit funny and i understand and am not mad when people find it funny! but it just...#rubs me the wrong way........#like... why is someone saying that to someone who is obviously eating disordered.....#YES its clearly meant as a joke and the op of that thread made an unnecessary calorie estimate post#but STILL even if someone is being stupid its not ok to purposefully trigger them#a comment like that will likely NOT make a disordered person realize theyre being dumb. theyll just get triggered#that thread does not trigger me and i consider myself recovered and dont want to ever be in that disordered hellhole mindset again#but like goddamn. why is it not widely recognized yet that eating disorders arent helped by snarky comments. no mental illness is!#EDs are very similar to addictions yet funnily enough a lot of progressives at least pretend to care about addicts' wellbeing#but then theres this notion that if someone has an ED theyre morally abhorrent and agree with toxic beauty standards#often eating disorders arent about vanity. theyre about having control over your body and food intake#you can get severely addicted to that control and pretty often it kills you because you cant stop#god these tags are a miserable read lmao. im alright! just tired of that post and tired of feeling ashamed of once having a mental illness#if youve reblogged that post this isnt like a personal thing towards you btw. i see it allll the time and im tired of it and feel like#people dont really... think about how its a bit fucked up#vent#i guess??#am i just being weird here. i dont know honestly !!
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Ily paracetamol ily ibuprofen you make life manageable
#text post#vent#kinda?#idk#im just in pain rn and had to go in a whole anxiety inducing quest to get some paracetamol in me at half 5am#also dw im ok#my legs just for some reason randomly decide to hurt every now and again#usually its not too bad if i catch it early and pre-emptively take some painkillers#but when i cant take it right away- or just dont notice it it can get bad#i guess#i dunno#i cant tell if im over or under selling how much it hurts#ik that even at the lowest end if the pain spectrum it stops me from sleepint lol#shoutout to antihistamines too#miracle workers for hay fever#not so much for insomnia but great for hay fever
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gonna be so honest im sick of epithet hate in writing spaces lol like people are so pretentious about it sometimes. they dont ruin a story by themself, i promise you
#my post#i dont feel like explaining myself cause i dont rly want or expect this post to be seen by anyone lol#im just frustrated about it lol STOP POLICING PEOPLES WRITING like yeah theres valid critiques#but people are always so 'DONT DO THISSS!!!!!'and its like. ok but i will anyway#and theres people that are like 'i will click off of fics if they do this. dont do this'#bro people write fics for fun#or people like 'you shouldnt even run into this issue if youre writing correctly' oh look at the mega professional over here i guess#i know i sound whiny I Dont Care this is just venting frustration#people get so dickish about other peoples writing i swear#ignore me#i guess i did explain myself kinda but not full on. whatever
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