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fantumbatcave · 8 days ago

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A Ramble: Skeleta by Ghost

Because I need to ramble or else I’ll explode, here’s my review of each song on the album. Rating with skulls. Five skulls being the highest and one skull being the lowest. These are my opinions. Will contain vulgar language. If you continue, you have accepted the incoherent ramblings of a mad bat.

1. Peacefield

First time I heard it, I thought it was an okay song. The second time around… The chorus is beautiful, like going to church. Well, a Satanic one in this case. It’s a song of reassurance. Yes, these are dark times, but we will get through. And Papa has his hand out for you to hold. The song had me tearing up.

Rating: 5 Skulls

2. Lachryma

Immediate hook. It’s giving so much 80’s horror vibes. I can see people making music videos with horror movie clips to this song. Hell, even Scooby-Doo! Can’t properly explain how much I love this song. I need it injected into my veins. The official music video itself is so hypnotic. I can’t stop watching Papa (I’m fixated on his teeth) and the Ghouls.

Rating: 5 Skulls

3. Satanized

An even more immediate hook, if that makes sense! What can I say that hasn’t already been said? Instant hit. It’s one that can be interpreted in any way, especially with a line such as “I have begged God for the remedy, but I’m no longer sure!” So addicting. I think they somehow put crack in it. I never get tired of replaying it. Need to work on my dance moves for my ritual.

Rating: 5 Skulls

4. Guiding Lights

I may have been influenced by the alleged fact that it was supposed to be for a specific, heart-breaking scene in Arcane Season 2. Sorrow, frustration, a plea for answers, having to watch someone make a choice you know isn’t right. The vocals in the last chorus are sooooooo good! Peacefield is a tear starter, but Guiding Lights has me sobbing. “The road that leads to nowhere is long…”

Rating: 5 Skulls

5. De Profundis Borealis

“The song was always intended to sound, eh, I guess in a way uh kinda like a black metal song. [He faces the camera] I know it’s not a black metal song, so you don’t have to fucking get going!” – Tobias Forge, for Metal Hammer

I have very little experience with black metal, but I think I heard it! As a song about regret, the lyrics sell it. It starts off calmly, then whirls you into a storm. The ending is very haunting. Not sure what else to say. It’s an enjoyable song.

Rating: 4 Skulls

6. Cenotaph

The beginning is definitely interesting. I wasn’t sure where it was gonna go, ha-ha! A memorial song. A reminder that even though those who have passed are gone physically, they still live on within us. I have lost a couple loved ones, so this song is a nice listen when I don’t wanna be sad from Life Eternal. “Wherever I go, you’re always there riding next to me.”

Rating: 3 Skulls

7. Missilia Amori

This song is a literal soundgasm. I don’t care that that’s not a real word. DID I HEAR CORRECTLY? WERE THOSE MOANS??? I need this song to fuck me, fill me. Papa V can come hunt me down and do whatever. If he shows me his, you bet your ass I’m showing him mine. I have nothing but horny thoughts. This is a hate fuck song and I love it.

Rating: 5 Skulls, plus the Eggplant and Water Drops emojis

8. Marks Of The Evil One

This song definitely gives off older Ghost vibes with the lyrics, like if Opus had been done in this time period. If that’s what you’re looking for, this song is for you. With the arrival of the Four Horsemen, there is the fear of the marks of the Evil One. A very catchy song! I find myself bobbing my head to it a lot.

Rating: 4 Skulls

9. Umbra

Alright! We’re fucking again! The intro should sound very familiar to Ghost fans. Didn’t expect to get fucked by two songs on this album! The imagery of the altar, candles, and shadows. The guitar solos coming together as one. Same feelings as with Missilia Amori. “Stripped of sin, deep within, I will make you my angel.” Dear Satan, the chill that went up my spine!

Rating: 4.5 Skulls- I’ll give it a full 5 if Papa can come put his love in me

10. Excelsis

“Go live your lives, god damn it.” – Tobias Forge, for Metal Hammer

At first listen, I thought it was an okay song. There’s parts of it that I felt could’ve been reworked more. I don’t know. I’m not a professional. Now that I’ve had the chance to hear it on repeat… Like Peacefield, I want to tear up. We’re alive now, and we need to live as much as we can. Do as much as we can. Love as much as we can. A song that pulls at my heartstrings. From now on, not a song I’d want to put on repeat in my everyday life, but when I’m in need of a reminder to live. Funny how this is a song about not needing to focus too much on that we’re gonna die, and it’s the last song of the album. “This is the end of the avenue. I am afraid of eternity, too.” Damn.

Rating: A generous 3 Skulls

Overall Album Review

Skeleta seems to be a soundtrack to a play/opera/etc, and I say that as a compliment. Peacefield and Excelsis are a great beginning and ending. Though not so Satanic as what’s expected of Ghost albums, the style for this album works. It’s focusing more on one’s emotional side. Our ups and downs. Inner demons. Huh, maybe it is Satanic after all, ha-ha! Papa V and the Ghouls are the actors and do a phenomenal job. As always, you can hear Tobias’s inspirations in his music, which I always welcome with open arms.

Rating: 4 Skulls out of 5

Thank you very much for reading!

nemA

#the band ghost #skeleta #era 6 #ghost bc #rambling #review #ranking #fantum writing #<- my new writing tag

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and-claudia · 2 years ago

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Against All Odds pt.4 (Joel Miller x fem! reader)

Time skip

WARNINGS: ANGST!!!!!! Mentions of abortions, arguing

General Warnings for later on: The main story will have an age gap between Joel and the reader (Reader will be 25 once we get to the main storyline), this will also be your warning that it will eventually be an x pregnant reader (if that's not your jam, I'm sorry) there is also going to be more graphic/trigger parts later on so please always to be sure to read the warnings BEFORE reading. This story will also be 18+ and TO BE ON THE TAGLIST YOU CAN NOT BE AN AGELESS BLOG (i do actually check that) also there first hand full of parts are all prologue so Joel won't actually be in it for a bit

Wordcount: 4200+ (I am so sorry it's so long)

Taglist Sign-Up (read my rules carefully before filling it out)

It’s crazy how three years of being happy and in love can come shattering to the ground with a two-word sentence.

“I’m pregnant.” The words seemed to be echoing in the small living room of my and Joel’s apartment.

He stood there. His expression was unreadable. I was debating on if I should repeat myself or just wait it out. I chose the latter. It felt like time had slowed as I stared back at him waiting anxiously. At this point, I would be happy if he would even just yell at me to get out. Anything seemed better than this deafening silence I was being forced to endure.

A heavy sigh.

Okay, good. We’re getting somewhere.

Then he turned and began pacing, running his fingers up through his hair, then wiping his hands down his face as he tried to process what I had said. I stayed quiet.

“How? How did this even happen? We’re always so careful.” He said.

“I mean not every time. Ther-”

“No. I’ve been careful. I know damn well I have been. Maybe you haven’t.” He cut me off with his suggestion.

“I know you’re not implying that I’ve cheated on you, Joel.” I said, clearly hurt, “There have been plenty of times where we weren’t. I mean hell if I had to guess this probably happened on my birthday. We definitely were not careful then. So don’t you dare try to accuse me of cheating.”

I felt a wave of relief when he stepped forward and pulled me to him. I hadn’t realized that tears had begun falling from my eyes until I could see them staining his shirt.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry, ‘m just shocked. It’s okay. Don’t worry, we’ll get it taken care of.”

His words made me pull back but not completely out of his arms, “What do you mean?”

“We can get you an abortion pill, I know they still have those. We’ll get one and take care of this.” He explained.

“No…” I shook my head, “I don’t want to do that Joel… I mean I know this wasn’t planned but I’m honestly kinda excited about having our own little family.” I admitted.

“Sweetheart… I just, I can’t do this again. It’s been so long since I’ve been around small kids, let alone a baby. Shit, it’s been 30 years since I’ve held a baby probably, longer than you’ve been alive.”

That made me step away from him. At first, I thought he meant he couldn’t do this again because of what happened to his daughter. I wouldn’t blame him for that at all. He hadn’t talked about her again in the three years we’d been together, not unless he was waking up from a nightmare.

“So you don’t want this baby because you don’t want to have to start over again?” I asked, disgusted for even thinking that was going to be his reasoning.

“I mean it’s just been so long since I’ve done this.”

“Okay, so? I’ve never done this, hell, Joel, I’ve never even actually held a baby! I am 25 years old and I’ve never held a baby let alone raised one! I was also the youngest in my family so I know literally nothing about raising a kid. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want this baby any less.”

He reverted to silence once again. I couldn’t take it. I needed to get out of here.

“You know what? It’s Wednesday, I was supposed to go to the market earlier… I am going to go now. Do whatever the fuck you want to here. Pack your shit, hell pack my shit, kick me out. I don’t care.” I said, walking over to the kitchen counter to grab my bag and the money we set aside for food at the market.

“Take your gun.” He called to me.

“I am.” I snapped as I grabbed it and tucked it into the top of my jeans before letting my shirt cover it.

When I got to the market there weren’t that many people there thank goodness. I went over to the vendor that always has potatoes and was surprised to see that he still had most of his produce there considering it was pretty late in the day.

“Not selling this week?” I asked as I walked up.

“Nope. Not at this price.” He said, clearly not happy.

“I’m sorry. Give it a week though, they will be coming back next week when they realize how much they need them.” I tried to reassure him.

“Let’s hope. Here is your bag.” He said, reaching down to grab the bag he stashed for Joel and me.

We’ve helped him out with various things and this was how he paid us for it. I finished getting a few other things but took my time heading back to the apartment. When I got there, Joel was passed out on the couch. When I went to set my stuff down on the table I wasn’t too surprised to find the decanter of homemade moonshine half empty again, nor was it a shocker that there was a baggie with a couple of pills left in it. I just sighed and grabbed them both to put them away. When I came and saw what else was left out I was a little confused. Joel had gotten the maps out of their hiding place in the floor. I decided it wasn’t worth my time asking about now, not that I’d be able to wake him up anyways. Ever since his brother went radio silence on him he’s been a wreck. Instead, I put away the food I had gotten at the market and decided to just go to bed.

The next morning when I woke up I heard two voices and I didn’t even have to guess who it was. I knew it was Tess. I quietly made my way over to the closed door, careful not to make my presence known just yet, and listened.

“Trucks no good without the battery. And if I don’t get to Tommy soon, he’ll die out there.” I heard Joel say.

What? Joel hadn’t mentioned anything about going to find Tommy. I continued to listen. From what I gathered this had been in the works for at least a little bit. They had a battery lined up for them but got screwed over.

“We’ll get our money back and get the battery.” I heard Tess say to him.

I finally opened the door making them turn their attention to the sound. They both froze when they saw me.

“You’re leaving, together?” I asked.

“Shit.” He mumbled.

I turned around and slammed the door. I was beyond hurt. He wasn’t even going to tell me. I needed to clear my head, so I quickly got dressed then went over to the window before climbing out onto the fire escape.

I wasn’t sure how long it had been but I continued to sit out there cross-legged. No tears fell, I didn’t have the energy for that, I just simply sat there thinking. Eventually, I heard the window slide open behind me but made no attempt to look at him.

"Yn, come inside. You know it's not safe on that thing." He said gently.

"Oh. So suddenly he cares." I said bitterly, “Thought you would have already left by now.”

"Yn, I've always cared about you, always will." He said.

"Bullshit."

He sighed. I could hear him getting up and sitting back down on the windowsill. He didn't say a word after that. We stayed in silence for a few minutes before I spoke up again.

"I thought my age didn't mean anything to you. I thought it never mattered that I was only 25." I said.

"It doesn't." He said.

"You're such a fucking liar, Joel... you told me that you couldn't do this again. That it had been over 30 years since you held a baby since you've raised a newborn. 30 years, longer than I've even been alive. Clearly, subconsciously my age has been an issue for you." I said finally turning to see him hanging his head down.

He didn't speak up again.

“We’re you going to tell me?” I asked referring to his plan to go find Tommy.

“I was.”

“When?”

“Last night, but then you blindsided me with-”

“I did not blindside you. I wasn’t expecting this either… so does this mean we’re done?”

“I don’t know, like I said I can’t do this again. I think we just need to sit down and have a serious conversation about it all. Maybe this trip will give us both the time to think everything through and we can talk about it when I get back.” He suggested.

“When you get back?... I’m goin' with y’all.”

“Yn, no, you can’t.”

“Why?”

“You’re pregnant, you don’t need to be traveling all the way to Wyoming.” He tried to sound reasonable.

“What do you care? You don’t even want the baby. Now move, I need to pack.” I said, standing up.

He knew it was no use arguing with me once I made my mind up it was made and I was going to stick to it. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t pissed that I was going.

I grabbed my bag and threw in what I would need before tossing my gun in on top. Joel had already left the room and was getting the rest of the supplies together out in the living room. Lucky for Tess, we usually left the QZ from mine and Joel's apartment so she had stashes of supplies with ours so she was able to pack hers as well. Once we were packed we devised a plan. Well, they did. I didn’t know the details and Joel was being petty not telling me them and Tess was following along. All I knew was that we’d go into the old subway tunnels to come up through the bottom of the building where their guy that had their money and truck battery should be.

“Alright, come on, kid.” Tess said, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

“I’m not a fucking kid.” I snapped.

“Damn, someone is not happy today.” She said, walking out the door.

I grabbed Joel by the sleeve of his denim shirt to get him to hang back for a second.

“Have you told her yet?”

“No.”

“Good. Don’t.” I said.

“Hate to break it to you but she’ll find out eventually. Can’t hide it forever, sweetheart.” He shot back.

“I know. And when I am ready to tell her about my baby, I will.” I said before letting go of his arm and following Tess out.

The walk to the access point of the abandoned subway tunnels was quiet. When we finally made it to the building, the doors had been re-chained and locked once again. That had never deterred us before, it definitely wouldn’t do it today. Joel cut the chain and we were in. We took a second to get our guns and flashlights out. I had never liked going through the tunnels before, they were dark and damp and smelt like mildew. I wasn’t entirely sure if the smell had actually gotten worse since I had been down there or if maybe it was because I was pregnant but it was almost making me gag.

And the deeper we got, the worse it smelt. I was half tempted to just turn back around. But I had a point to prove, I wouldn’t give Joel the satisfaction of leaving me here. When I heard Tess say she found the way out I was relieved. Once we got through the door I stopped in the small entry area as Tess went on ahead.

“Joel, can you grab my water for me, I feel like I am going to puke?” I asked, trying to keep myself from puking, the air in here wasn’t nearly as bad.

“I told you, you shouldn’t go with us.” He said but still stepped over to grab the canteen from my bag.

Before he got a chance to grab it though we heard Tess yell. That caused both of us to spring into action and follow where she had gone, guns ready. When we made it around the corner we saw no immediate threats, but as my eyes scanned I saw why she had yelled.

Fused to the wall was, what used to be, a person. Their body was completely taken over by the fungus.

“It’s dead.”

“No shit, Joel.” I said back.

“I know, I just wasn’t really expecting it.”

“Was he not here last time?” I asked and she shook her head.

“You think he came down here after he was infected?” Tess asked.

Joel was quick to respond with, “Maybe down here is where he was infected.”

“I’m sure we’re fine…” I said trying not to dwell on that idea too much.

“Yeah, let's just keep moving.” Tess said, turning and leading the way once again.

We finally made it to a sketchy-looking ladder. Tess went first, then me, and lastly Joel. As we climbed Joel made a comment about the construction of the building itself, something about it getting updated in the 80s or something. Despite the fact I didn’t always know what he was talking about when it came to construction, I always loved hearing and learning about his old interests. Tess cracked a joke teasing him about his construction-nerd comment, which made me smile slightly. We climbed a little bit higher before Tess got off the ladder.

It was a small landing with only a single door.

“This should lead into the hallway.” She said as she went to push it.

“Is it stuck? Or is something blocking it?” I asked after it didn’t budge.

“What the fuck?” She asked, shoving it again.

Then the smell hit me.

“Okay, I know y’all have got to be able to smell that.” I said.

“Yeah, it’s gunpowder.” Joel confirmed

We all scanned the area around us for its source. Then Tess found it, seeping up from under the door was a stream and pool of blood. She shoved the door a little harder and was able to move the body that was slumped in front of it.

When we made it through I was shocked. There were probably at least half a dozen dead people. Beside one of the men was the truck battery. I didn’t know much about cars, but I did know one that corroded wouldn’t have worked.

As if to confirm my thought Tess spoke up from where she was squatting down beside it, “Well, the battery’s no good.”

“Do you think he knew?” I asked.

“Oh yeah. He knew, and he still tried selling it, twice. Greedy motherfucker.” Tess said as she stood.

Just as she finished speaking we heard something further up the hall. Joel wasted no time, bringing his gun up and going in pursuit of the sound. I was right behind him, my own gun raised as well.

“Stay back I got this.” He said quietly over his shoulder.

“What if there is more than one?”

He gave no answer and just continued down the hall. We rounded a corner and there was someone trying to help another person up off the ground. Before we got close enough to them the door to our right swung open. I stepped back in time, but Joel didn’t react quickly enough. Someone lept out of the now open door, knife in hand. Joel threw them to the ground quickly and pointed his gun at them. It was then that I realized it was a kid, couldn’t be older than 15.

“Joel?” The lady down the hall called out.

I turned my attention back to her and brought my gun up to aim it at her just as a precaution.

“Marleen?” Joel asked back.

They know each other?

The lady, now known to me as Marleen, checked on the girl who said she was fine. But then she went to grab the knife she had lost after getting thrown to the ground by Joel, but he quickly stepped on it blocking her from being able to.

Marleen then called the girl’s name, Ellie, to get her attention. That’s when she noticed that Marleen was hurt. She had just finished reassuring her when Tess joined us.

“So this is who Robert screwed us over with?”

The two of them continued a small banter as my attention went back to the girl. I saw her reach for the knife again. Joel quickly turned to point his gun at her.

“Don’t.” He warned, causing Marleen and the person she was helping to bring their own guns up to point them at him.

“Not at her!” Marleen said firmly, as Tess and I both aimed our guns back at her and the person with her, “Point it at me.”

I stole a glance at Ellie, her hands were raised and she looked terrified. Joel slowly took his aim off her and brought it back to Marleen.

“No offense,” She began, “Our reason for needing that battery is much bigger than yours. Tommy is just one man…” She paused to gauge Joel’s reaction, “It’s our job to know things.”

“To know things.” Joel repeated, “You’re the same cause that caused my brother to turn against me.”

“Okay, Joel.” Marleen said as if they have had this conversation before.

Marleen’s friend finally spoke up, “That was a lot of gunfire.”

“That means FEDRA will be here soon.” I added, knowing we needed to get the hell out of here.

“I know.” Marleen said quietly as if she were deep in thought about something. She sighed before speaking up again.

“We were going to move Ellie out of the QZ tonight. But now we won’t make it anywhere, not for a while at least… So, now I’m thinking, you’re gonna do it.” She said.

“What?”

“Like hell we are.”

“I’m not goin’ with them!”

Me, Joel, and Ellie all spoke at the same time.

I turned to look at Tess as Joel did the same, “Tess we don’t have time this.” He said.

“Who is she?” Tess asked, ignoring Joel.

“For you, consider her cargo.”

“We don’t smuggle people.” Joel said to Marleen.

“There is a team of Fireflies waiting for her at the old State House. I know what’s out there. We were going with an entire squadron for that very reason. Now I don’t have that, and I don’t have a truck with FEDRA closing in. All have now is you. And I know what you are capable of… For better or worse.” Marleen said.

I glanced down at Ellie as she spoke up, “What are they capable of?”

“You don’t want to know.” I said quietly to her, shaking my head slightly.

“You get her there safely,” Marleen continued, “and they’ll give you what you need. Not just a battery, but the whole thing. Anything you need. I swear.”

Joel stayed silent as he looked back at Tess and me. I glanced between the two of them waiting for one of them to make a decision about what we were doing. Tess finally nodded for Joel and me to step away with her so we could discuss.

“I don’t think I trust her.” I said once we stopped.

“Neither do we, but she seems desperate.” Tess said.

“A Firefly vehicle usually means stuff repurposed from FEDRA which would give us a better-than-decent chance makin’ it to Tommy. The second we hand that kid over-” Joel got cut off.

“Y’all can talk it through but keep in mind I am bleeding out still.” Marleen called out to us.

We waited a moment before Tess turned back to them.

“Okay so here’s the deal. We’ll get her to the State House. But we will not hand her over until we have been given everything we want. If not, we kill her, there and then.”

I wanted to protest that plan but before I could, Marleen said it was a deal.

“Really? That fast?” Ellie asked.

“I was thinking the same thing.” I mumbled to myself.

“You are all that matters. Go grab your bag.”

It took her a second but she got up and went back into the room to get it. When she got back I let her go ahead of me, following Tess with Joel at the rear of our small group. We walked through the rain back to the apartment. When we got there Joel handed Tess the key to unlock it. She did and held it open for Ellie, I followed behind her. Then Tess was closing the door.

“Keep an eye on the kid, Joel and I need a second.” She said.

“Seriously? I can help plan!” I yelled through the door.

I could hear them discussing which route we take and Bill and Franks. With a sigh, I turned to Ellie.

“You can go set your bag down.” I said, nodding her over to the living room.

I waited by the door for Joel to come back inside. He eventually did and went straight to the couch.

“What’s the plan?” I asked.

“Kill time until it’s dark, then leave.” He said matter of factly.

“Kill time? What are we supposed to do?”

“Figure it out.” He snapped before closing his eyes.

“Just don’t talk to him right now, Ellie. He’s in a bad mood.” I said.

“Clearly.” She said making me laugh a little.

“You like card games?” I asked, grabbing our deck off the shelf.

“Yeah.” She smiled, walking over to the table where I had already sat down.

We played for a bit before I told her I was going to take a short nap before it got dark and advised her to do the same. I went to mine and Joel’s room to lie down on the bed there.

I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep for, but I was being woken up by Tess.

“You comin’ or what? Get a jacket, kid. Come on.” She said.

I quickly got up and went to grab my jacket but hesitated. I wasn’t sure how long we’d be out there. Hopefully not long but if something goes wrong and we’re away longer than we expect, I didn’t want my jacket not to fit when I start showing so instead, I grabbed one of Joel’s older ones and threw that on. When I walked out wearing it Joel gave me a weird look.

“That mine?”

“I couldn’t find mine, let’s just go.” I lied.

“You’re still coming with us?” He asked.

“Oh my gosh, yes, Joel. I am going. Deal with it.”

And with that, I left the apartment.

We made it out and passed the patrols. Then we made it outside of the walls, but we weren’t in the clear yet. They had patrols on the wall. Tess was leading our group, then Ellie behind her, then me, then Joel. We had just about made it when we failed, trying to sneak past a footguard taking a piss. I felt a wave of panic but then when he realized who we were and didn’t just shoot us I felt a little better.

“Get on your knees!” He kept yelling at us.

“Just do it.” Tess said, getting down.

I followed her lead, no need in making this difficult. Joel and Ellie followed as well.

“Look, you let us do this run we will split the cards with you.” Tess tried to bargain but it wasn’t working. He had us facing away from him and was about to test all of us for infection. I still hated getting this done. Tess went first as she continued to try and sweeten the deal with him. When he got behind me, Joel reached over to grab my hand to give me some comfort, knowing I hated this, but I pulled it away quickly just as the device pricked me. Then he went on to Joel, who also tried to negotiate a better deal for us to be let go, he wasn’t biting. He got to Ellie, but to everyone’s surprise, she whipped around and stabbed the guard in the leg. As Ellie stood I was quick to get to my feet to stand in front of her as the guard aimed his rifle at her.

“Get out of my fucking way!” The guard yelled.

“No.” I said firmly.

By this point Joel had gotten up and was now in front of me, “We can fix this!”

“Move.”

It all happened so fast. One moment Joel was in front of me blocking me from the rifle, next he had tackled the guard to the ground and was beating the shit out of him. There was nothing I could do besides watch.

“Hey, guys!” Tess yelled getting mine and Joel's attention.

She held up the device the guard was using to test us for infection. It was lit up red. Ellie tried to argue that she wasn’t sick. I tuned out her and Tess arguing and just looked at Joel waiting for him to react. The sound of sirens broke me from my trance.

“We need to get the fuck out of here. Now!”

taglist: (if you filled out a form and aren't on this list that means either a) your blog is not coming up in the searches so I am unable to confirm that you are 18+, or b) you did not follow my rules for being tagged in this fic)

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#hbo the last of us #the last of us hbo #the last of us #joel miller tlou #tlou #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller the last of us #joel x reader #joel the last of us #joel tlou #joel miller x reader fluff #joel miller x reader #joel miller x pregnant reader #joel miller

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 month ago

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Anon Advice Asks - March 28

extra friend anon (new...ish), A very confused anon, 20 times anon, family dynamics anon (tw: death), germany/france anon (new)

Extra Friend Anon

Extra friend anon (not new but it’s whatever, i’m not usually anonymous in your asks anymore,, he/they)

So like, i’m an extra friend in a friend group, i got introduced by this one girl…

Well, i feel attracted to one of those friends, and I’m not sure how he feels about me, and i can’t say it’s mutual because i’m afraid that would be a bit delusional.

But i do understand that it might be the same for him, and that he just has his own stuff to deal with. How do i confess that i don’t want it to just be physical attraction but that i really want more than that? My last relationship ended because i cared so much about romance while my ex gf seemed to only be physically attracted to me. Which physical attraction is a part of a relationship to me as well, but i am more of a romantic type of person at heart…

Anyway how do i confess that i don’t want this to just be another friends with benefits type of situation? I really care about the friend group a lot. It feels like we shouldn’t be together but i really do want to be with him. I’m not even sure if he likes guys or not and even then I don’t know if he would have those same feelings for me.

Hi!

I think the best thing to do is to be straightforward. Because the thing is, even if he doesn't want the same, it's much better to know that NOW, at the beginning, then halfway through the relationship. Like you implied, if you don't know for sure, it can fuck with the friend group and also it's just not want you want and could be hurtful. It's much better to risk that small amount of hurt now than a whole lot of hurt later.

_________

A very confused anon

You asked me to tell you what i think, so here’s a check in:

fist and foremost: your answer helped me alot, and i reaaaaally appreciate you for everything you do!! Your response made me feel a little more comfortable with just being, ya know? But at the same time i know my feels arent “normal” so i kinda wanna know what i can call myself, even if its not a set sexuality (which it probably wont be)

Also, i started going through the resource you have in your intro post for aro/ace labels. Aaaaand i cant find one. I haven’t read through the full thing, but i’ve been thinking and theres been some discoveries.

Do you know if the aro spectrum also includes liking people differently than normal or is it just lack of romantic attraction in various levels?

— a very confused anon (aVCa) —

I think the thing you need to remember is that feeling aren't normal or abnormal. They just...are. Who's to say that your feelings are any less normal than anyone else's?

Can you explain what you mean by differently than normal? I guess in my head, romantic and sexual attraction is just a spectrum, it's not a 'normal' or 'not normal.'

Also, here's a website with some definitions about ace/aro identities!

___________

20 times anon

20 times anon here

hi, cas, how are you today?

i have a little update about the situation. me and three of my other friends decided to tell her mom about everything. we are all afraid she’s going to be upset with us, but her mom reassured that she wouldn’t say it was us whole told. we just all want her to get better and hope that she gets the help she needs.

when i had a chat with her (the best friend) about it the day prior, she told me she didnt want to get better. it concerned me, and that’s why i decided to tell an adult. thank you so so much for the advice because i really needed it.

Hi!

I think you made the right call here and it sounds like her mom is a decent person- like she won't just get mad, she'll try to help. Remember, even if your friend gets mad, you did what you did out of love and concern, and you made the right decision <3

_______________

Family Dynamics anon (tw death)

I am so, so sorry to hear about your grandma. Deaths that are more shocking like that can be so hard. Remember to be gentle to yourself and give yourself time to grieve. Whatever you're feeling, it's valid, and I'm here if you want to tell me about her or how you're feeling <3

________

Germany/France anon

Hi hon <3 I know you said i didn't have to reply but I just wanted to let you know that I'm here whenever you need to vent. I don't know if it makes you feel better or worse, but, living in the US, I completely understand how you're feeling. It's scary and difficult, but we'll make it through somehow <3

Sending so much love

#asks #ask #ask cas #extra friend anon #A very confused anon #20 times anon #family dynamics anon #germany/france anon

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officeobject · 5 months ago

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About me being Lithuanian (perhaps only on my passport), addiction, cities, and more! Not originally written for Tumblr so yes, there's questions and stuff.

"tell me, what is Lithuanian culture about, and what is BEING Lithaunian? Because so far, I cannot relate, even when my DNA says it - and sure, it hurts - I have no culture, no community, not even a place I feel at home/a place that represents me, but I'm more than used to not fitting in everywhere and feeling alone, which I guess ties into my addiction …"

(After getting some examples or something):

"Lithuanian language? Mostly forgotten by me. Wasn't passionate about learning nor re-learning beyond wanting to be able to communicate + nostalgia + not wanting to make people upset - even hated learning grammar stuff ... oh, and the religion? Nah, I'm a Christian who has no idea what is happening, so life is pretty chill in regards to that. Folk stuff? About as fun for me as a midievel festival - I like it, but it's not me, and I would not SURVIVE, having MY HAIR in traditional Lithuanian braids! Patriotism? Hard when my lack of ties make me hate myself. Connection to land? I'm so much against climate change, but psycologically, a TOTAL plastic-wrapper - totally citybitch divadog nature-fearing person, who can merely find nature pretty, while bright colored skyscraper cities feel like home! Cultural resilience? Well THAT crumbled, huh?

I feel so alone, man - like, I feel like shit because I don't know Lithuanian - I've been wanting a DNA test and got one, and turns out I only got one that accounted for country, even though I wanted a DNA test to see who I'm related to and whatnot, and I got SO MAD, that some strangers got my DNA, only to tell me which irrelevant pieces of land that my ancestored fucked in (especially as an apothiaroace), yet everyone (WHO COULDN'T EXPLAIN WHY), kept telling me it's interesting, and kept asking (when they weren't one of the people there), which countries I turned out to have DNA from - and I'm so USED, to feeling like I don't fit in - AND GUESS WHAT! THAT PROBABLY FUCKING DROVE MY ADDICTION! And my mom blames herself for not keeping the language alive, or not engaging in the culture, and I disagree with that, and I think it's MY fault - and man, we grew up in not-Lithuania, and I met people from all kinds of countries, and yeah we DID bond over how funny this country is, and not feeling a part of it, but even THEN I was kinda alien, because I wasn't from the nearby countries, but ALSO I was white, but I wasn't from the country I lived in either, and people said I fitted in better than them but I was just hyper-lexic or something, and didn't have a culture and/or didn't have a culture that would clash too much with THIS one, and also was autistic so I saw the constructs, and perhaps it was because I "looked" like a part of this country, but, like, I didn't, and whoever thought that was foolish or something - it's something about my face and stuff, and at the very least, my eyes, that I think don't make me look like a part of this place (also turns out my grandma is at least partially a part of some ethnic group which traveled and/or originated in Asia or something - explains why I thought my eyes were so pretty and different and less round and more like Rarity or Cadence from MLP or whatever). But yeah, everyone can just embrace their culture, while I have NO CULTURE, and the only thing I can turn to, is the city, which people MOCK, or see as superficial and stuff, instead of the place full of emotions and care, that I see it as - oh, and I can't even survive in fecking COPENHAGEN, so it's not like I can live in a big city anyway ...

Man, I don't feel at home with being disabled, because my autism is my personality, I don't feel ABLED, because I'm autistic, I don't relate to my DNA nor the place I grew up, I have no culture, no home, nothing, no one - not even *A Person I Mentioned*, soon enough, huh? And I sure can't call myself "American", because burgers, jeans, t-shirts, office stuff, skycrapers, lanyards, bright colored lights, phones, and all those weird city structures typically made out of glass, IS my culture, but I'm not American (no I don't know if those things are American either - I appear to feel the same way towards those things as others appear to feel towards their culture though) - well,*A Person I Mentioned*, might relate - do you think so too?

It's just that *A Person I Mentioned* seems like they have the same "culture" too! Also no my "culture" doesn't make any sense, as I did in fact NOT grow up in a big city, and even in the city/town I DID grow up in, it was some place not within the city, which was common for kids in my school to grow up in - like, especially us foreigners, people who struggle with jobs, lower income people, etc - oh and for some reason it was ALLEGEDLY officially classified as a "ghetto" - oh and also, I'm so pale that I can quite literally classify as "white" - like, am I having normal experiences here, or?

No but like, was I having normal white-person experiences? Like, wow, sometimes I write about my life, and I REALLY seem disconnected from many things - like, at 12, I DID think about suicide and stuff, but I've never had a concept of death (I don't know if I would have if I experienced death personally for the first time), so I wasn't suicidal, but I wasn't NOT suicidal, you know?

I still feel "suicidal" at times LOL. Oh and also some might say I've experienced things that are trauma or whatever, but I doubt it, and feel disconnected from trauma-survivors as well. I ALSO have a weird way of experiencing friendship - very weird and uncommon and intense, so I also have a disconnect THERE - there's also the addiction-related stuff, if you remember - and I ALSO feel disconnected from anti-AI people, because I need AI as a tool (emotionally) and have some addiction(s) related to SOME/SOME PARTS OF AI, but there's all the ethical stuff I'm against, but I'm also against all the hatred and judgement towards AI-users, even towards those with AI boyfriends. I'm also a queer Christian, who is confused about Christianity, but can't stop believeing either - over all, I'm LUCKY when I can feel like home - though I might be losing one of the people I've felt connected to the most (*A Person I Mentioned*), but I wonder if you think I'm losing them."

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holedaemon · 8 months ago

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Ass Respect 2

Saturday, myself and Ari (@freakpatrol) finished up Mass Effect 2, after less than a week of playing. We played for idk, a little bit.

My friend Dylan put it well: Mass Effect 1 is one of those games you'd see in a "learn to make video games at DeVry University" commercial. It's clunky, inaccessible, and a slog.

Mass Effect 2 is smooth, accessible, and fun. Genuinely one of my favorite games ever.

THE GOOD PART 1: GAME MECHANICS

So far, Mass Effect is iterative. Each game takes the last and builds upon it. I don't know the history of development, but it's clear that Bioware saw the issues in the first game and went "hey, let's make this better." For instance,

The game is more accessible. Menus are easier to navigate and much more comprehensive. Shit makes sense. Things are actually explained to you, you aren't just left to guess how things work, or where you're supposed to go.

Following the theme of iteration, stuff that was lacking in 1, has been improved upon:

In the first game, there was only one minigame that was used for everything. It was basically just frogger; get your little arrow to the center of a circle, avoiding the obstacles that send you back to the start. It got to be annoying after the 1,400th time you did it. In 2, there are two distinct minigames mostly used for hacking/accessing technology and areas. The first is a match-the-symbols game, pretty self explanatory, the second is a code-matching game, where you match blocks of text with what's shown in the legend. They're not perfect but they're SOOOOO much better than what we had before.

Next: the star map. The galaxy is a big, expansive place. Before, you kinda just clicked on a system, went there, scanned a couple of planets for collection quests/resource gathering, then went to whatever planet your mission was at. Now, you actually have to travel to different systems manually. You pilot your ship between systems, using up fuel to do so. I wasn't super keen about it at first, but it grew on me. The overview of the galaxy also shows you your active quests, which is super nice.

In the same vein, the resource gathering is much more in depth. Before you could click on planets and sometimes would have the option to scan them for stuff. It was very shallow. In the sequel, you can scan pretty much every planet; it's a minigame in itself. Right-click and drag along the globe to find pockets of resources, then click to send a probe down to collect them. You can find element zero, palladium, iridium, and platinum. Each can be used for different kinds of research, which is used to upgrade you, your gear, your squadmates, their gear, and the Normandy. It's much more fleshed out and actually pretty fun. To Ari's dismay, I would sit and suck those planets dry looking for shit.

Also extremely important to mention: the side missions. They're SO much better now. Rather than going to some prefab & shooting enemies, each one is actually fleshed out and substantial. THEY ALSO GOT RID OF THE MAKO!!!! NO MORE OF THAT STUPID ASS CAR!!!! NO MORE TRYING TO SHIMMY YOUR WAY UP A MOUNTAIN FOR 20 MINUTES!!! IT'S GREAT!!!!

One minor thing I appreciate is that you don't loot inventories for items anymore. You mostly just pick up credits, resources, and ammo, which is much preferable. The inventories full of crap back in 1 were jarring and really took you out of the game.

That reminds me: ammo. Before, you had infinite ammo, your gun would just heat up with each shot, and if you filled the meter, it would have to cool down. Well, they ditched that in favor of ammo pickups. Enemies drop ammo, or the pickups will just be placed around the map. Apparently this was a controversial change, but I like it a lot more than before, it introduces a new challenge.

Along with ammo are your powers. They really made biotics a viable thing here. They're fun, they're powerful, they can really kick some ass if you use them correctly. I didn't make much use of them, but I appreciate the work that was put into improving them.

Just a few more things. I promise I'm almost done.

Overall, the game felt a lot more difficult. I felt substantially weaker; shit would tear through my shields like they were nothing. Bioware also did away with medi-gel, kinda. You still have it, but it's exclusively for your teammates if they go down. To regain health, you have to take cover. This made it a lot more challenging, I couldn't just spam heal in the middle of a battle, I actually had to strategize and hold positions. I like it.

The last major improvement they made was to the squad AI. It was actually worth a damn now. Squadmates would actually get kills and it was glorious. It didn't leave me feeling like I was totally on my own like before.

Also they got rid of omni-gel, but I don't think anyone cared.

THE GOOD PART 2: THE WORLD

Ohhhhh my god the world. It really hit me just how much better the atmosphere and level design was when we got to Omega. It's in the terminus systems, which are systems that are ungoverned by the citadel and the council. Omega is basically the citadel for crime lords; it's a dirty, slummy neighborhood on an asteroid. If you know me, you know I'm a sucker for settings like that (read: see Dorohedoro), so I LOVED Omega. Anyways: the world. It's so much more alive!!! When you touch down on a new location, everything really hits you all at once. There's people to talk to, places to go, things to see, it was great. The ambience was so much more potent; there's always some conversation going on in the background. The levels themselves were much less linear feeling, you could really explore & go anywhere. It wasn't like the citadel in the first game, which was so annoying to traverse.

The most important part of any world is its characters and Mass Effect 2 did not disappoint. In terms of races, it was mostly the same with a few newcomers: like the Vorcha. They're cool gremlin-looking dudes that slum around Omega & work in merc groups. There's a lot of prejudice towards them unfortunately. They're regarded as dumb vermin by pretty much every other race. People hate them more than they hate Batarians. It sucks cause they're actually pretty cool!

Speaking of Batarians, we got to see them a lot more, too. Unfortunately not in better conditions than the previous game; still mostly depicted as mercs, terrorists, and slavers.

There was also the Drell: anthropomorphic lizard guys. We only saw.... 2? Your squadmate, Thane, and his son. They're apparently near extinction. :( Their home world was destroyed, somehow, and they were taken in by the Hanar. Their relationship with the Hanar was symbiotic, the Drell lived on their planet and in return, as put by Ari, they do anything for the Hanar that "required having bones."

Another cool race we saw ONLY ONE OF, were the Yahg. The only one we saw happened to be the Shadow Broker. He was cool & tough, not much to say about him, but I liked him a lot.

I also wanna briefly touch on the enemies in the game.

The big bads were the Collectors. A race of bug-like aliens that were very elusive. In reality, they're actually Protheans that've been cultivated and genetically modified by the Reapers. Much like the Keepers on the citadel. Cool dudes.

Besides the Collectors, you were blasting mercs, which I loved. There's three distinct groups: the Blood Pack, the Eclipse, and the Blue Suns. Each group comprised of different species, with their own gimmicks.

The Collectors also had some new creatures in their ranks. Among the Husk, there were Scions. Scions are cool, grotesque Husk-like abominations. I like them a lot, but don't get me wrong: they SUCK. I died SO MUCH TO THEM. They have this long-range shockwave attack that's nigh impossible to dodge. Absolute bastards.

As for your teammates, a lot of newcomers, but some friendly faces too. Most notably Garrus. I love Garrus, he's my boy. We fucked. Tali also came back, I'll talk about her more in a bit.

Anyway, among the ranks were:

Miranda - total cunt. The Ashley of Mass Effect 2. Absolutely miserable to be around. I didn't speak to her unless I had to.

Jacob - Polite soldier type. He was cool but I didn't really care about him.

Mordin - MY PROBLEMATIC FAVE. He's a crazy, fast-talking, oldhead Salarian. We found him on Omega working on a cure for a plague that was going around. First and foremost, he's a genius scientist, but he also has combat training & can hold his own. At one point he sang a Salarian sea shanty, and then another time he was like "hey Shepard I saw that you moved your eyes in a funny way, btw I don't wanna fuck." Totally awesome dude. The thing that makes him problematic is he, well, modified the Genophage to be more effective. He quite literally sterilized the Krogan further and committed genocide. As the story progresses, he shows some remorse for his actions. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Mordin.

Thane - the aforementioned Drell that you encounter. He's a master assassin- really cool dude. Very calm & collected; prays to different deities before every kill, I dig it. He's also dying, that sucks. Love my boy Thane.

Samara - an Asari Justicar, which are highly esteemed warriors in their culture. Almost like ninja monks. They pretty much have immunity from any legal repercussions. They live by the code, an ancient set of scriptures that basically tell them to kill anyone that sucks or tries to hurt them. Samara is, as Ari put it, "the most autistic woman in the galaxy." She's awesome, has a really tragic backstory. We killed her daughter.

Jack - Oh Jack. She's a high level biotic that was experimented on as a child by the terrorist group Cerberus. Tortured for most of her early life in a facility you go back to and blow up with her. She's a volatile bottle rocket of anger & angst, ready to explode at a moment's notice, and also the hottest woman in the galaxy. You can't romance her as fem Shepard, which is a fucking TRAVESTY. I love Jack so much.

Zaeed & Kasumi - not even worth talking about.

GRUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is your Krogan squadmate for the game. Bred in a tank by the late Dr. Okeer. He's grumpy and ready to kill anything that moves. He was born literally yesterday & I would die for him. For his loyalty mission you take him to TUCHANKA!!!! THE KROGAN HOME WORLD!!! It's a fucking disaster of a planet, it looks like every level from a late aughts military shooter. But guess who you can fucking see there??? WREX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you chose to save him on Virmire, he has since returned home & become the leader of his own clan: the Urdnot. The Urdnot are the dominant clan on Tuchanka and are trying to reunify the planet and its clans. My boy Wrex is delighted to see you. He's really thrived on Tuchanka, becoming a very stoic leader, but very visibly happy.

A lot of the Krogan you encounter on Tuchanka are mean to Grunt because he was tank-born. But not Wrex, the old merc sees right past this & welcomes Grunt to try his might in the rite: the ritual that Krogan perform as they enter adulthood. The rite is basically just a tower defense game, culminating in fighting a Thresher Maw. If you succeed, Grunt is welcomed into clan Urdnot. Grunt still chooses to tag along with you in your mission, as you are his Battlemaster. He really comes to respect you over the course of the game, I love to see it.

Tali'Zorah - It's Tali, baby. She's back. She's finished her Pilgrimage & is working for the Quarian fleet. I specifically wanted to mention her because her loyalty mission is actually really cool. After her recruitment, Tali is called back to the Quarian fleet, having been accused of treason. You see, after her mission on one of the former Quarian colony worlds (where you save and recruit her), she sends deactivated Geth parts back to the fleet for her father to do research on. Due to the research being done, this backfires, the Geth are reactivated, and kill the entire ship, including Tali's father. We learn this during the hearing, and everyone is shocked. As a way to clear her name, Tali & Shepard go to the ship the Geth are on and clear it out. I really like this mission because it adds a lot of depth to the Quarians & their culture. I loved seeing the Flotilla; the architecture of the old, second-hand ships they travel the galaxy with. Meeting more Quarians was a delight too. Easily one of my favorite races in the series; their conflict with the Geth is complicated & tragic, and I'm eager to see how it plays out.

AND FINALLY....

LAST BUT NOT LEAST....

THE MAN OF THE HOUR....

MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE COMPANION...

LEGION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - PERHAPS THE COOLEST COMPANION EVER, BESIDES WREX..... I didn't know of his existence until he was introduced. Ari was very careful not to tell me about him, and I'm thankful for it. I love him so much. Legion is a Geth. A true Geth. One that is not following the Reapers. It turns out, the Geth we've been fighting for the last few years are actually a faction of "heretics" that broke off from the main group. The main group are still peaceful & reclusive. I really, really, really love this twist because it adds so much more depth to the Geth. It gives them reason to be, more than just a fodder enemy for the Reapers. It makes them more complicated. The Geth are vilified across the galaxy & the reason AI have become illegal, but they're really just misunderstood. During Legion's loyalty mission, you are tasked with destroying the heretics. Except you have a choice; you can destroy them, or save them & rewrite the code that's made them submit to the Reapers. It's a morally ambiguous mission- I took the latter route, opting to save them and rewrite them. It feels wrong to do that, but it's better than genocide... Anyway, yeah, Legion: absolute favorite part about Mass Effect 2. Everyone is hesitant to have him aboard the Normandy, but he rocks & I would die for him.

THE BAD

That was a lot, if you've gotten this far, thanks. I have a lot less to say about the game from here on out, as it's a really fun and good experience. But as with anything, there's always some bad.

These aren't even necessarily super bad things, just stuff that irked me. Primarily:

Stability - the game's a lil buggy. There were weird animation errors & at one point I crashed entirely. Ari was also unable to play in windowed mode for some reason, which made watching me stream a pain, since they had to watch on their phone. They're gonna get a second monitor here soon, though. 👁️

UI & Controls - extremely nitpicky, but, a few times, dialogue options and weapons in my wheel would switch around. I don't really know why, but it got me a few times. The bigger thing was the controls on the galaxy map: if you pressed escape, it would kick you out of the map entirely. Very annoying.

The DLC - I'm not really sure what all was DLC, because it was included in the legendary edition of the games. But the DLC characters, Zaeed and Kasumi, were fucking nothing. Just empty husks of characters, lacking all depth & interesting story. I did their missions for completion's sake but they were fucking stupid.

The final boss - SUPER SUPER COOL CONCEPT!!! It's a fucking Reaper shaped like a skeletal human, it was so awesome looking, but the fight itself was underwhelming and lacking. I did it in a single try. Literally I had more trouble getting to it than fighting it. You basically just shot its weak spots until it died.

Weapon mods - they got rid of them!! I thought that was a bummer, I liked the customization they offered in the first game.

All in all...

Mass Effect 2 is a fantastic game. Easily a contender for one of my favorite of all time. The world, the characters, the story, it's all fantastic. It really took the basis the first game left & expanded upon it in such a cool way. We've since started 3, and I'm already thinking "oh this is not nearly as good as 2."

Thanks again to Ari for playing it w/ me. It's nice to actually experience and enjoy games again. Having a partner to go through it with has made it 10 times more enjoyable.

The one last thing I have to say about the game is that I really enjoy how everybody calls you Shepard exclusively. At one point, during a conversation with Liara, I thought to myself, "wait, what's Shepard's first name?" That's when I remembered, I named her Obama. Obama Shepard. Ari laughed at me.

Again, if you read this far, I appreciate it. I'm sure once we've finished 3, I'll have even more to say.

With Love,

Obama Shepard

#mass effect #spoilers #ari #ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #games

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raes-secret-pjo-account · 1 month ago

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you are in love

chapter 10: devils in the details but you got a friend in me (peace taylor swift)

Percy gets to know a kid in his class a little better

☆ミ☆ミ☆ミ☆ミ☆ミ☆ミ☆ミ☆ミ☆ミ☆ミ☆ミ☆ミ

PERCY POV

on Monday when I went to my environmental science class I still couldn't stop thinking about that girl. There was something special about her. I'm not even sure myself. But I'm disappointed I never got to find out her name.I walked into class and sat where a usually did as the lecture started. It was a normal boring class. Then the professor started talking about a project. The project was about climate change, we had to make a trifold explaining one form of climate change and one way we could fix it. She also said we would be working in partners. I was kinda pissed about that. I didn't really know anyone in this class. And on top of that she said she would be picking the partners.

I waited as she listed the pairs who would be working together then at the very end she finally said my name.

"And finally Perseus Jackson and Grover Underwood." She said and I looked around for a moment. Lo and behold Grover underwood was one of the people that was with the mystery girl I met last Friday. I was slightly annoyed the teacher uses my full first name but it wasn't a big deal. I walked over to where Grover was sitting near the front of the room.

"Umm hi. I guess we'll be working together." I said kinda awkwardly.

"Yeah my names Grover. You probably already knew that though," he said also awkwardly.I sat down in the seat next to him and pulled out my laptop. "Do you want me to make a Google doc so we can make ideas or something?"

"Yeah that way we can also put some articles and sources into the doc," Grover said as he opened his laptop.I shared the empty social with him and titled it "environment project".

"So got any ideas on climate change?" I ask not really sure where to start.

"Well I was thinking we could do our project on deforestation since it's happening all over the place," he replied slightly enthusiastic about the topic.

"Alright that works. You big on climate change stuff?" I asked figuring it wouldn't hurt to learn a little bit about this guy.

"Oh yeah I care a lot about wildlife and deforestation is definitely effecting wildlife the most. I mean do you k ow how many animals have been killed from what's happening in the amazon? I mean the Amazon forest has one of the most diverse ecosystems on the planet and we're destroying it and killing millions of rare and exotic spieces," he stated and seemed a bit worked up over the issue.

"Sorry I must sound like a total nerd right now," he apologized.

"Don't be sorry. You have every right to be mad about that. I mean I'm trying to become a marine biologist and study the oceans but the oils spills? The coral reefs are dying. Climate change sucks!" I said abdimantly. As I talked about this I realized just how much I cared about wild animals. I wouldn't say I'm some kind of big climate change activist but I definitely felt strongly about the issue.

"Yeah!" Grover agreed with me, "climate change is horrible and it needs to stop! I'm glad you agree with me. Me and my girlfriend Juniper are very big on environment and making a change,"

"Oh wow, yeah I mean you should be. I don't have much time in my life to go to protests or whatever but I totally agree," I said. I was somewhat shocked that Grover had a girlfriend but it didn't seem too far fetched.

"And wait a minute girlfriend?" I asked almost jokingly hoping he wouldn't get offended at me joking around with him.

Grover chuckled, "yeah my girlfriend Juniper. She's in this class. Working with her partner over there," Grover pointed toward the middle of the class.

I looked and I saw a girl with strawberry blonde hair and green eyes working with some other girl. It was easy to tell which girl was Grover's girlfriend. She looked almost like a hippie but not in a bad way I guess? She had a tye dye shirt and those long flowy pants that always get wet when you walk through puddles. She looked really nice though.

I looked back at Grover and he was staring at her for a moment. I could tell from his expression that he was totally whipped.

"So Grover she seems nice is she nice?" I ask wondering more about her.

"Oh yeah she wouldn't hurt a fly." He responded, "she's a pacifist, protest against violence. I'm not as much but I still go with her to support her. She moved in with me last month and it's been pretty great."

Grover had a smile on his face and his smile made me smile, "that sounds wonderful. How did you two meet?" I asked wanting to know more.

"We met at this vegan restaurant we were both ordering a lone and decided to sit together. She gave me her number and we've been dating ever since," he said still smiling.

"Wait your vegan?" I asked curiously."Well vegetarian, I still eat animal products like eggs, she's vegan and eats tofu and stuff," Grover explained, "thats not gonna be a problem is it?"

"No no it's just I was gonna bring some of my mom's blue cookies to share but they have eggs and milk so I was just wondering," I explained.

"Blue cookies?" He asked slightly perplexed.

"Yeah well when I was a kid my step-dad said there was no such thing as blue food so my mom started making blue food whenever she could. Blue cookies, blue pancakes, blue jelly beans, blueberries, just blue foods." I explained smiling as I thought of my mom. "It's kinda dumb,"

"No I think it's cool," Grover said also smiling, "can't wait to try these blue cookies,"

"Oh you're gonna love them they have white chocolate chips a d they're just the best!" I exclaimed. "My little sister Estelle also loves them."

"Oh you have a little sister?" He asked.

"Yeah she's 5. Technically she's my step sister though cause her parents are my mom and paul my parents are my mom and my dad," I explained.

"Is Paul the step-dad that's against blue food?" Grover asked.

I paused for a moment, "umm no heat was Gabe. He went missing when I was in middle school. He was a real piece of shit."

"Oh well glad he's gone." Grover said, "hey how about you do you have a girlfriend?"

"Where did that question come from?" I asked.

"Well you were asking about Juniper so I figured I'd ask," he explained shrugging.

"Well not anymore, i was dating this girl Rachel but it didn't really work out. And before that I dated Reyna and she went to this private school and that didn't work out. And before that I was dating Calypso in high school but she was homeschooling so it was kinda weird." I explained.

"I think Thalia's friend's sisters name is Reyna," Grover said.

"Hylla? That was Reyna's sisters name. I think," I said trying to remember but it had been awhile since a spoke to Reyna.

"Yeah that's her. She's Thalia's friend." Grover said nodding.

"Thalia? Who's Thalia?" I asked.

"She was that girl at the diner with me," Grover explained.

"The blonde one?" I said hopefully hoping that I would learn her name.

"No Thalia's the punk one," Grover said.

"Oh. . ." I sounded a bit disappointed, "so what's your blonde friends name?

"Grover looked at me for a second, "why do you wanna know? Do you like her or sonething?" He asked jokingly.

I thought for a moment, I hadn't really stopped thinking about her since Friday. Maybe that meant I was in love with her

."Oh shit you actually do like her?" Grover said somewhat shocked by my silence.

I started to try and defend myself, "Well I mean-"

Grover cut me off, "look Percy, I like you. I think your a swell guy. I'd like if we could be friends, but there is no way you will ever have a chance with Annabeth,"

I sighed slightly, "her name is Annabeth?"

Grover sighed. "Okay look, Annabeth is the smartest person I know, but she doesn't really trust many people. And she's not very warm and welcoming to new people in her life. If you want to try be my guest but just know i tried to warn you,"

I listened to what Grover said nodding. "Annabeth huh." I repeated her name. It sounded beautiful. I was totally screwed but I was glad to know her name.

Grover sighed again before saying, "good luck my friend. Truly your going to need it,"

Chapter 1

#pjo fic #pjo fanfic #percabeth #percabeth fic #pjo grover #grover underwood #pjo percy #percy jackson

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sniffanimal · 9 months ago

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it's really weird trying to find space for myself in online autism communities that I've basically just stopped trying

I don't really "fit in" with other adult diagnosed/late diagnosed autistics because while I was 26 when I was "officially on my medical record diagnosed" it's been kind of an open secret my whole life? like I've known I was autistic since I was 8 but it wasn't really anything a doctor said or did anything about. I don't even remember how I found out, if I ever did. I've just like, always known I was "on the spectrum" or whatever growing up. so it's not like "ohhhh autism explains so much!" kinda feeling most late diagnosis circles have when they discuss stuff, like everything about me has always been informed by the fact that I'm autistic.

and so surely you'd think I'd fit in with other early diagnosed adult autistica, except those tend to, online, be grouped into either previously-diagnosed-aspergers-people or caretakers of people who are not afforded an online presence. and the former tends to stray into aspie supremacy a lot ("I'm not like eating crayons or whatever I'm just some guy who likes airplanes a lot ok?") and I shouldn't have to explain why the latter can be equally exhausting

and plus in my day job I'm often in a position where I have to advocate for autistic teens who are just learning self advocacy in the first place, so I'm super picky about what kind of autism circles I run in. while I guess I fall into the caretaker category for work, I'm also autistic myself.

and online, god forbid I talk about the fact that I'm medium support needs. the fact I have a degree and live away from family obfuscates that, but I also don't/cant drive and require lots of small interventions through my day to be functional in public (lots of lists and visual reminders, avoiding triggering things, heavy rehearsing and pre planning things that are upcoming, sensory interventions, PT, etc). I may be hyperlexic (I've been speaking in full sentences since I was like 18 months old and can talk circles around anyone I know), but that verbally =/= functionality. someone who is completely nonverbal could get through their days easier than me!

but no one wants to talk about how autism is a spectrum in the broadest of senses. I like the salad bar metaphor, but I think there's even better ones. maybe autism is like getting dressed.

assume everyone wears clothes. some people wear clothes they're most comfortable in at all times. some people can wear formal wear for a little while but will eventually get uncomfortable and put on comfy clothes. some people wear suits or fancy dresses every day because it brings them joy. some people wear under wires and lacy G strings because it makes them feel good regardless of how it sensory feels, and other people can't even fathom wanting to wear them because of the sensory feeling, and in either case no one will see what you're wearing because it's underwear.

okay maybe this metaphor only makes sense to me, but the idea is that everyone is putting on different articles of clothing every day. Some days the clothes are comfortable (sensory needs met, able to participate in social gatherings fully, using AAC, having access to comfort items and preferred topics), and some days the same clothes could be uncomfortable (too quiet today, same social gathering is overwhelming, iPad is dead, no one wants to talk about Pokemon). Or maybe you're wearing the wire bra (loud rock concert, crowds, people smoking, had to take an Uber pool because your car you usually drive broke down so plans changed), but someone else can't fathom that experience being tenable at all. Maybe they wear a sports bra and cotton undies (staying in predictable settings, practicing ordering at restaurants, stinking to self soothe, wearing earplugs, not embracing spontaneity) but other people might find that unsexy (socially inappropriate). Sometimes we might put on costumes like a ball gown (spend weeks preparing for a trip, going over itinerary and lists and watching videos to prepare and ensuring you will have space and time to decompress and calling ahead to the venue to check and double check and making sure your friend is okay driving the whole way and renting a car that's the same model you're used to driving in and wearing the lotion with the smell from home so that the new car won't smell as different and ) because you know you'll look cool as hell while you're wearing it, but that the sweat pants and cotton undies are waiting for you after. And sometimes while you're in the ball gown you carefully constructed, you realize you know what fuck this and have to strip down to your bloomers! and everyone hates when you do that because they expected you to wear the ball gown all night

I was going somewhere with this post. but anyways. I'm autistic and it's exhausting to be one online so I just look at funny images instead of trying to build community

#badger rants

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transienturl · 10 months ago

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you know on the one hand. I think the projects on @addons that I work on are rather beautiful, that they're full of elegant solutions to interesting problems that I take pride in my contributions to, and I've obviously spent an objectively excessive amount of time on them. which are all things that contribute to them feeling rather substantial to me.

but on the other hand I do occasionally find myself explaining to someone who isn't an xkit user what I spent five hours working on on whatever day it is, and it's always like, well, you know, it does stuff like, uh, it can put an icon next to people's usernames when you follow each other? and, and such. and when I put it that way it sounds like the kind of thing one would code in an afternoon? you know?

(of course it's not actually hard to reconcile these things; I know that we spent the better part of an afternoon figuring out how to make those icons align flawlessly at any zoom and font size in both the post header and blog card modal, and another one making them have tooltips when you mouse over them and ensuring that the tooltips localize into your tumblr UI language. xkit rewritten is kind of like "okay but what if instead of making it like an afternoon hobby project you did it like it was made by the best web developers in the world." turns out that's not that hard when the project owner is in that category and the other dev will spend four hours per PR to kinda look like they are.

also I guess we do pull data out of react internals. that is a pretty significant thing that we do. like I understand where I'm coming from here but we very much do pull data out of react internals. go code that in an afternoon I dare you. disclaimer I can't take any credit for that bit; maybe I'd have figured it out in three years, idk—I don't think it'd have occurred to me to try, is the thing. anyway I did do a fair bit of hooking up to make it faster so that's a thing I guess.)

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strwffy · 11 months ago

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i’m really angry at everything and anything lately. it’s just all political stuff, and self stuff ig

i had a friend, who isn’t my friend anymore since i unfriend her. for political views and such.

first of all, for some contexts:

a couple of years ago, 2019, i think? i came out as pansexual on twitter and also to my close friends only, and my sister. today, idk if i define myself as pansexual anymore, im more like, hey i’m queer.

i’m, today, questioning a lot of things. i wonder if i could be asexual, but also, i’m questioning my gender identity.

that friend i had, i knew her for 5 years. met in college and all. we had the same views politically, and just on everything tbh. i can’t be friends with people who don’t share the same political views, especially if it’s about human rights and all. so yeah, i did came out to her, at the time about me being pansexual. she was very supportive. in her discourse through the years, she even was a trans ally.

but, more than a month ago we met and she basically told me she was transphobic (she didn’t use that term tho) and that she is a gender critical.

i was very shocked by her sayings, and she said that she wanted to tell me because she knew that subject was important to me. i’m not gonna lie, i wanted to cry in front of her at some point, bc hearing her just hurt.

after 2 hours of honest debate, she said that we should keep on with our day bc we aren’t agreeing but that she wanted me to know. i told her that i was shocked and that it was very transphobic.

i came back home, thinking about that conversation for a month. and, i guess i was very naive. i thought that if she change her mind maybe i can debate more and she could actually understand, yk?

so, i made some research to debunk every shitty and fake things my "friend" said, and i linked her everything and blabla, it took me like a week of full reading on the subject and all. i was mentally very tired tbh. i sent my message, and we didn’t even debate since she didn’t want to lol.

to make it "short", she didn’t want to debate bc she won’t change her mind. and that she felt sorry if she hurt me with her words when we met. but that she still want to be friends and that she thinks we could actually stay friends.

it’s funny, because years ago i went to a shop to buy a book about trans identity and gender identity, when i was with her. she didn’t question it, and i didn’t say anything. i just felt like i could buy these stuff without explaining or whatever because it WAS a safe place to me. because i thought she was safe.

so, during my confrontation with her, i told her about me questioning my gender identity, about how i trusted her. about how could i be friend with her when she is against trans people, isn’t an ally, and also how can she be friend with me if one day i do a coming out.

it really hurt to read her saying that, she kinda knew i was questioning my gender identy, because at that moment, reading all her bullshit, i knew she just wouldn’t see me for who i am if i ever came out as non binary or anything actually.

so yeah, i am not sad about unfriending her actually, but i’m just really, really fucking mad since then and i can’t get away of that feeling. and now, while questioning my gender identity, i keep hearing her voice saying shitty things, and it hurts, it’s very hard.

#lgtbqia+#queer #lgbtq #lgbt

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oasisofgalaxies · 2 years ago

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Hi! I saw you were looking for song recs. Can I have some more details about the force quit AU so I can tailor song suggestions better, please?

YES OF COURSE! Fair warning this is a long boy post so be warned SLDFKJ

ok so basically the Force Quit AU is a generation loss au that is a bit self indulgent so bear with me here :D! The self indulgent bit is the addition of another character, Marvin! They are an ex stage hand and set designer for Showfall that was able to escape the company's mind control. They now work from inside the company to help others escape, including Ranboo and his friends. I've taken this little detail for myself and labelled it as Marvin's doing. So basically hes a little helper

ANYWAYS! Force Quit follows canon pretty closely until around the end of The Choice. I have two ways this could go and I havent really decided on which i like better so I'll cover both!

Option 1 is that Marvin sneaks into the control room/heart of the facility as the voting is occurring. Before Hetch makes the call and pulls the metaphorical trigger to box Ranboo, Marvin comes up from behind Hetch and knocks him clean out with a length of pipe. Marvin then gets Ranboo down from where he is stuck and they both run like fucking hell. Both make it out of the facility.

Option 2 involves a little bit of context on some of the ideas I have about Showfall and the Security monsters specifically. So personally I call the Security monsters Taskmanagers! I think its fitting to name it after the computer program.

Additionally, you know Hetch's line where he describes the motionless Showfall employees? He says this: "My best guess is they were once people, and then something moved in and kinda repurposed them to be.. yknow, whatever the company needed."

So I took this and RAN. I came up with a concept that there is a stage before the Taskmanagers we see in Genloss. I haven't come up with a name for them yet. They arent really a "larval form" but more of a base form. Showfall either made a deal with some entity or experimented enough to create these creatures made out of wire and a tar-like substance. They use analog technology as "shells", sort of like hermit crabs. In addition they feed off of electrical signals.

I don't think that they're actively malicious, the company just uses them in an awful way. Anyways the employees will start out as normal people working their jobs. The masks have some filtering and control capabilities but no where as strong as Ranboo's mask since it's not directly connected to the body.

This can change though if the employee discovers something they shouldn't have or if Showfall just wants to do it. An employee can go through a process called "rewiring." There are several degrees to it ranging from a mild degree which involves the process of physically wiring the employee to the mask. This continues until the highest and final degree which is a full rewiring. A full rewiring is when an employee is offered to one of these little wire creatures. The creature, when prompted, will take the employee and inhabit their body. They will feed off of the brain's electrical signals and give Showfall direct control over the host's actions. There is usually no going back from this. This is also inspired by the scene in The Choice where Ranboo stabs an employee and wires come out instead of blood!

For Taskmanagers specifically I think they are originally the result of a botched Full Rewiring process. The host and wire creature did not react well and in turn created the Taskmanagers who are dangerous and actively hostile. Showfall, after accessing damages, realized they could purposefully trigger this botched creation and use them to their advantage, thus creating security.

SO, after that long explaination, onto Option 2! Sorry there's no easier way to explain this, trust me, I've tried.

So Option 2 involves Marvin somehow befriending a "defective" wire creature. Or, alternatively, befriending a defective Taskmanager. I really need to work on a name for the tiny ones gees- Anyways Ranboo is rescued here more by.. uh. Brute force rather than stealth. Here, before Hetch can pull the trigger, Marvin and the wire creature bust through a door or wall koolaid-man style and rescue Ranboo. Admittedly this option makes less sense but I'm still including it because I had the visual of the box beginning to close on Ranboo but two GIANT wire-y hands catch the two sides and WRENCHING it back open. I dont know thats just so cool to me I love big monsters!

Regardless of how the rescue goes, Ranboo escapes and is outside the facility. Marvin in hesitant to join him because of their ongoing mission to save as many people as possible. And Ranboo upon hearing this explains that Sneeg and Charlie are still trapped in there. Marvin is hesitant to believe either of them are alive but Ranboo begs them to at least check. Marvin agrees and returns inside the facility, leaving Ranboo with an address for a place he can spend the night in as well as a small two-way communicator.

Marvin enters back into the facility and discovers that both Charlie and Sneeg are alive. Charlie, however, being wounded by a Taskmanager, has some electronic bits placed into his abdomen. I am working on a design for him at the moment but here's what I'm using for inspiration:

A green liquid-cooled PC. Please have fun drawing your own conclusions while I work on his design LSKDJF

Sneeg, while attacked by security, was not wounded enough to require any replacement parts. He just has a couple of large scars on his torso. The real damage was done during The Warehouse where he was "reset." When Sneeg was reset, he gained awareness of everything Showfall was doing. He could see the cameras and he knew none of this was real. But this comes at a detriment because while he now has an immense amount of "behind the scenes" knowledge about Showfall, Showfall has the ability to completely control him. I'm unsure if this denotes a full rewire or if Showfall is using some experimental remote technology.

Anyways when he was revived after being attacked by the Taskmanager in The Choice, the revival process messed with what the reset did to his mind. The connection between him and Showfall is a little glitchy now. He still has insider information but sometimes he can accidentally trigger a meltdown where he believes he is once again on stage in Showfall. This either manifests itself as that panicked state we saw him in during The Warehouse where he was given the wrong hat OR how apathetic he was immediately after being reset. His perception of reality is distorted as well. Sometimes he can almost predict something before it happens, almost like a sixth sense.

Ok so where was I?? Sorry I took a hard left into infodumping territory. I mean I already am infodumping but i did EVEN MORE! LSKJDFLSKDF

Anyways the AU from here, in short, is saving each member of the cast! Charlie and Sneeg stick with Ranboo and form their little trio. I'm not sure where Niki, Austin, Vinny, and Ethan fall in the AU yet but I do want them to be rescued as well. I just don't know if they will be in the main group after or not!

Ok hopefully that was coherent and not a boring read! But yeah thats the Force Quit AU I love this thing to death already its been occupying all of my waking thoughts! Yay :D!

#sorry for how long it is but alas . it is how it is SLKJFDLSKFJ #nebula rambles #nebulas notes #genloss #generation loss #look at my au boy

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numetaljackdog · 1 year ago

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what i'm listening to 3/2024

spot.//yt

Limp Bizkit - Pollution: got this played on my local radio station bc i got connections

DC Talk - Jesus Freak: i have become OBSESSED with this christian rap rock (kind of) band. couldn't explain it very well myself but i think they're really fun and super silly. i've been listening to this particular song for quite some time now but it's only recently that my full obsession has developed and i've been getting other people roped into it too..... i'm just spreading the good word 😁

Whitechapel - The Saw Is the Law: had this one stuck in my head something FIERCE these past few weeks. just that crusher chorus line is so fucking good, I never was a huge whitechapel fan but they go hard when the mood is right. played it at work and everything

The Smiths - Bigmouth Strikes Again: cumming all over myself i love the riff and the melodies and there are some real good lines despite very few lyrics overall... admittedly that squeaky chipmunk harmony is pretty goofy but when the rest of it is so good who even care.

Faith No More - Midlife Crisis: i like this one more and more every time i hear it. a friend of mine introduced me to this and it's been stuck in my head relentlessly ever since. also definitely goofy as fuck but i love the kinda hardcore-type vocals mike patton throws into the verses, especially in the live version and the big swelling bridge. a song like this makes me get why people talk about faith no more as "proto-nu metal" or whatever..... fred durst would do some shit like this <3 also got this played on the radio station

Butthole Surfers - Cough Syrup: i don't like this band as much as i wish i did, though i've certainly got plenty more listening to do. def some stupid lyrics here bc it's the butthole surfers but i actually really really like "i can't talk so i guess i got nothing to say." something about that one

Third Eye Blind - Jumper: it's back! i think i've expended all the words i have about this already but man what a good little pop song

Breaking Benjamin - Skin: great example of how enjoying breaking benjamin is more about hearing the loud guitars and the unique syllabic experience of ben's weird as hell enunciation than it is about anything original or lyrical. what the hell is this song about i don't know. but it bangeth mightily. this also stands to represent that i and mine have been listening to a fuckton of bb lately

Elliott Smith - Cupids Trick: a dear friend of mine has put me on that elliott smith shit fairly recently and i think this is my fav from either/or... the riff so good and it's catchy and has a really dark punchy sound compared to the rest of the record (which is also real good! but just different)

Gorillaz - Cracker Island: heard this on the radio a ways back and instantly came all over myself and said "omg who is this is this the new sound of the summer????" and then looked it up and saw that it was a band i already know that's been around for decades ^_^ but it's just a banger and they found one good hook and punched it up to 11!!

Kittie - Eyes Wide Open: KITTIE BACK???? and with a rager O_O <me when my eyes are wide open. lol. not much further commentary here i'm just excited for the new record and i hope it's good and not bad

Enon - Window Display: my experience continues of getting into this band at the pace of a tortoise or perhaps a snail. p sure this is like the biggest song from them and. it good! they just have a tastey sound and i like the vocalist's delivery

Lamb Of God - Redneck: been on some metalcore shit too and like groove metal and shit and it hardly gets better than lamb of god. i feel like i haven't often properly appreciated them but what a consistently banger band. and this one just has some cool catchy parts that have been in my head since like high school. JUST! ONE! TIME!!!!!

Insane Clown Posse - Halls Of Illusions: my friends and i have been indulging in what we're calling "fucked up friday" which sometimes includes icp as a soundtrack. still want to listen to the full album with people at some point. but anyway i never took too too much notice of this track until a friend put it on and i realized how good it is. and frankly kind of saw-coded w it

Drowning Pool - Tear Away: kind of not great but the chorus glued itself to me. sort of the death toll of nu metal giving in to the way of the post-grunge ballad but man this vocalist was damn solid!

Victoria Monét - On My Mama: proof that i haven't completely exited the pop listening sphere. i still got todd. go watch the top ten of 2023 for a review

Rai Panesar - I Don't Give a Shet (IDGAS): okay this is a stupid joke song. i think. but i like to imagine it's sincere. like i like to imagine the dude that made this thought it was actually pretty cool and had fun making it. i'm scared to find anything else out about him bc it might ruin this hope that i have

Theory of a Deadman - Rx (Medicate): SUCKS. but kind of fascinating. how the fuck did theory have a hit in like 2017 or whenever this came out. by making a hip hop country rock song about doing drugs. oh okay

The Revivalists - Wish I Knew You: adding this alongside cigarette daydream in the canon of "indie band has relentlessly catchy pop hit that i listen to a bunch and attach memories to but actually think kind of sucks ass." i heard this in a restaurant a while back and went omg it's crazy by gnarls barkley i love crazy by gnarls barkley despite not really having very strong feelings about crazy by gnarls barkley but well these are the things we think to ourselves. so i kept waiting for the part where he goes does that make me craaaaazayyyyyy.... but it never came!!!! every chorus would just end on nothing and then move on to the next verse. i got edged by this song until almost the very end where i finally figured out what song it actually was and then got that stuck in my head but i'm still bitter! motherfucker! and also i don't like their band name. what exactly are you reviving 🤨

#*char noises*#talking pop #finally got this damn thing out

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one-coming-is-enough · 2 years ago

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Brother, you are going to be the best King this Universe has ever seen. It's quite evident in almost everything you do, actually.

Are you aware of that? I do hope you're aware of that.

Thank You! I'm going to try My best.

If I succeed, well... I think that's the point of Me? i can't really take credit for My own self just doing stuff I was supposed to do in the first place.

And if I don't... :/ I hope I don't disappoint everyone. They all have a lot of faith in Me.

Even You.

Um. It's. Yeah. It's really, really nice to know that even the former Severity of Judgement is, um. Has. Faith? In. Me???

Because. Nobody is certain. Really certain. How it's all. Gonna.

Well. If I'm ruling Hell. Um. And I'm also ruling 1/3 of Heaven like I am now...

That's 2/3 of Heaven I am not ruling. Mother kept those parts for Herself.

So, Christian Heaven (this is a VERY broad definition of Christian here, folks, we take a lot of "I guess I believe in something" people because their understanding of "something" is still "Heaven/Hell/monogamy/forgiveness/Santa Claus Is Important Somehow." I can't sue him for breach of contract because technically he fulfills his part of the bargain that way -- and I'll tell that story, it just pisses Me off so much it'll take a minute) is not warring with Hell for, like... The first time ever.

Yeah. It'll take a while to sort it out, but as of now they're both under My leadership, so a fight would be a huge conflict of interest for everyone involved.

Jewish Heaven is... They're not fighting anyone. It's like a luxury cruise liner. There's an endless buffet, there are gaming rooms where you can play whatever games you want with your friends and family, there's even talent shows and beauty pageants (we had to keep it to participation trophies for the kinder, because the kids don't care if they win first place as long as they all get the same amount of candy for participating, but grandparents would turn it into fucking Valhalla for their bubbeleh if you let them).

The angelic presence there is minimal. They're basically Janets, if you know from The Good Place. Occasionally one of the big names will drop by for a meet 'n' greet day and to crown a winner for something, but I think it's just when they need a break anyway.

The Muslims who get into Heaven are all pretty chill people, fortunately. The murderous zealots do get into Hell, like every other faith beneath our tent, but it's kinda pleasing how fast a lot of them catch on once they realize they're not getting what they thought they would. I guess when your afterlife is that concretely described, you have a pretty solid metric of whether you did the right thing or not.

Don't get Me wrong, the angels who serve their Heaven are willing to throw down. Some of their humans might, reluctantly. But the majority of them up there are going to remember that the jihad of a well-reasoned and well-stated argument is always the first resort, before defensive violence. They will try to explain to the demons why they should stop fighting. And their angels will be backing them up going, "You better agree with my homie or my sword is in your brain before you can finish saying the 'O' in 'No'."

But. My slice of Heaven is full of some of the worst shitheads in the world who repented right before they died, but... Didn't fully understand why they were repenting. Their brains just went, "If I make myself feel 'bad' about my 'serial ritual murders' and tell Jesus that I feel that way, I can get into a Better Place."

I agreed to let a lot of real shitbags into My slice of Heaven, is what I'm saying.

And a lot of them do not understand why killing and horrible violence is wrong to do to people, and have only recently managed to come around to "They might have been nice to you one day if you hadn't killed them."

It's a work in progress, and I try to keep them away from the people I'm providing permanent positions as "consultants and entertainment" to (so they don't get pushed into the veal lots once they're done perfecting themselves) so they don't, like... Decide to torture George Frideric Handel for fun. They just practice on each other.

But yeah there's a whole fuckin holding area of deeply pious sociopaths who love Me more than anything else Up There.

*sigh*

Look what happened with the zombies, man. I'm really worried this is gonna blow up in My face spectacularly and something terrible will happen again because I was a naïve idiot.

That happens to Me a lot.

I mean, look what happened with...

*gestures at all of Christianity from Paul's conversion on the road to Damascus to the present moment, in which hardcore Christians pray that Donald Trump will nuke Iran to bring Me back once I get him back in office, which I'm actively trying to make not happen as hard as I can*

Yeahhhhh.

Good intentions, but I'm. I'm wearing a cheerful hand-knitted sweater to My reception as Ruler of Hell, at which I will gently suggest that it might be fun to build safe dwellings for tiny, vulnerable little birds that are known to eat harmful things.

I'll be relieved if I'm not immediately murdered in fifteen hundred ways simultaneously, because I can take it but it's still painful.

Most likely scenario is I am laughed at until everyone pees their pants, and then they leave, and Muriel is there to offer some kind of cheerful encouragement and Saraqael says something wry about how I was a dumbass.

I'm emotionally prepared for either of these two scenarios.

I just have no other good ideas for introducing Myself.

#good omens rp

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