strwffy - Tumblr blog

[strwffy]

do you ever want to reconnect with someone? but you put an end to the friendship so you actually can’t come back to that person, no matter what.

because i do

[strwffy]

People empty me. I have to get away to refill.

Charles Bukowski

[strwffy]

what’s funny (no) is that i made a new twitter acc to use he/him pronouns, i was determined to actually know if i feel good while people use he/him on me etc, i was REALLY determined to finally try to know more about myself and all

but on the same day i had a conversation with my mother that made me so sad and i actually never posted on that acc and never mentioned this ever to anyone lmao

and today. today, i asked my mom to cut my hair and she did. she did it and it was very short. as i wanted but i told her next time i will go to the hairdresser so they can do a special haircut, more boyish one

and she was like, but you aren’t a boy.

and i’m just so: 🙂‍↕️

i’m tired bc i know i won’t ever be able to come out to her as a non-heterosexual person, who’s probably asexual and who’s questioning my gender identity. like, its all good if its my friends, people we don’t know but if it were ME ? i know it won’t go as smooth as i wish it would

[strwffy]

:)

[strwffy]

:)

[strwffy]

[strwffy]

i’m really angry at everything and anything lately. it’s just all political stuff, and self stuff ig

i had a friend, who isn’t my friend anymore since i unfriend her. for political views and such.

first of all, for some contexts:

a couple of years ago, 2019, i think? i came out as pansexual on twitter and also to my close friends only, and my sister. today, idk if i define myself as pansexual anymore, im more like, hey i’m queer.

i’m, today, questioning a lot of things. i wonder if i could be asexual, but also, i’m questioning my gender identity.

that friend i had, i knew her for 5 years. met in college and all. we had the same views politically, and just on everything tbh. i can’t be friends with people who don’t share the same political views, especially if it’s about human rights and all. so yeah, i did came out to her, at the time about me being pansexual. she was very supportive. in her discourse through the years, she even was a trans ally.

but, more than a month ago we met and she basically told me she was transphobic (she didn’t use that term tho) and that she is a gender critical.

i was very shocked by her sayings, and she said that she wanted to tell me because she knew that subject was important to me. i’m not gonna lie, i wanted to cry in front of her at some point, bc hearing her just hurt.

after 2 hours of honest debate, she said that we should keep on with our day bc we aren’t agreeing but that she wanted me to know. i told her that i was shocked and that it was very transphobic.

i came back home, thinking about that conversation for a month. and, i guess i was very naive. i thought that if she change her mind maybe i can debate more and she could actually understand, yk?

so, i made some research to debunk every shitty and fake things my "friend" said, and i linked her everything and blabla, it took me like a week of full reading on the subject and all. i was mentally very tired tbh. i sent my message, and we didn’t even debate since she didn’t want to lol.

to make it "short", she didn’t want to debate bc she won’t change her mind. and that she felt sorry if she hurt me with her words when we met. but that she still want to be friends and that she thinks we could actually stay friends.

it’s funny, because years ago i went to a shop to buy a book about trans identity and gender identity, when i was with her. she didn’t question it, and i didn’t say anything. i just felt like i could buy these stuff without explaining or whatever because it WAS a safe place to me. because i thought she was safe.

so, during my confrontation with her, i told her about me questioning my gender identity, about how i trusted her. about how could i be friend with her when she is against trans people, isn’t an ally, and also how can she be friend with me if one day i do a coming out.

it really hurt to read her saying that, she kinda knew i was questioning my gender identy, because at that moment, reading all her bullshit, i knew she just wouldn’t see me for who i am if i ever came out as non binary or anything actually.

so yeah, i am not sad about unfriending her actually, but i’m just really, really fucking mad since then and i can’t get away of that feeling. and now, while questioning my gender identity, i keep hearing her voice saying shitty things, and it hurts, it’s very hard.

[strwffy]

"see sarah lynn, we’re not doomed. in the great grand scheme of things, we’re just tiny specks that will one day be forgotten. so, it doesn’t matter what we did in the past, or how we will be remembered. the only thing that matters is right now, this moment, this one spectacular moment we are sharing together. right, sarah lynn?

sarah lynn?

sarah lynn?"

[strwffy]

Ohh look, it's the dead boy detectives!

[strwffy]

i’m not going to see them, since they canceled. but it’s okay, i actually wasn’t surprised to hear the news. they have been touring for so long now, and always adding dates and all. i hope the best for them, and hopefully he will be okay and get better!

i’m seeing bad omens live in a month, and i can’t believe they are coming back to my city again after a year !!

[strwffy]

It’s kind of crazy how Dead Boy Detectives is a show/story where one of the driving forces is two main characters’ absolute devotion to staying together no matter what. The very idea of ever getting separated is something that Charles and Edwin fear above all else, and one of the biggest threats to them is anything that could split them apart. Like. There’s something so absolutely moving about that. These two are so devoted to each other that they’d do anything to stay together, whether that’s run from Death or even go to Hell, as long as they’re together. And that’s really fucking sweet.

[strwffy]

When BoJack Horseman (2014-2020) said "you can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it ok. you need to be better" and "all we have are the connections we make" and "I really should've thought about the view from halfway down" and "sometimes you have to take responsibility for your own happiness" and "you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, you turn yourself around, THAT'S what it's all about" and "things have to get worse before they can get better" and "in real life, the big gesture isn't enough, you need to be consistent" and "if we hadn't met each other until now, we wouldn't be the people we are now" and, my personal favourite, "every day it gets a little easier, but you gotta do it every day, that's the hard part, but it does get easier".

[strwffy]

they are out for business 🫡

[strwffy]

Ohh look, it's the dead boy detectives!

[strwffy]

Looking to solve some mysteries 🔎

[strwffy]

MY GIRLIES RAGHHH

[strwffy]

i’m seeing bad omens live in a month, and i can’t believe they are coming back to my city again after a year !!