#ok i am done rambling for now
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It's funny. I have OCs that I don't really talk about, I write reader self-inserts. But I also self-insert on characters when they're shipped with my favorites too. Is that weird? Anyone else do this?
Maybe I'm just that insane idk. I liked Robin x Boothill at the start but they have no interaction so I've kinda fell off of it for the most part. Acheron's voice lines about Boothill and vice versa are just 👌👌
Stelle x Boothill isn't my absolute favorite, but some of the art I've seen (and porn, I'm gonna be real) is god tier lol
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so i finished gideon the ninth last night. and i am still reeling!!!
#holy FUCKING shit#like i knew it was going to be an insane read and i knew i was going to like it but i did not think it would be to this degree#i am emotionally destroyed but who’s surprised#started reading harrow the ninth and once again have no idea whats going on but i trust that things will make sense eventually like gtn did#i’m 14% into it and i’ve already cried twice so!!!#not going to say anything spoilery at least in this post but GOD do i have thoughts#might rb with some and put them under a break possibly#but!! god do i love gideon. she’s taken my heart and ran off with it#SUCH an incredible protag#ok i am done rambling for now#i trust no one to spoil me but i will ask that you do not anyways ty ty#also. grateful i took an anatomy class last year bc even if i didn’t know what the hell was happening half the tim#i could at least tell you what the bones were!!
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hotel manager
#zeno's art#i'm not sure if i should tag the show itself as i'm not a fan but i guess its “fan”art so i will#hazbin hotel#charlie hazbin hotel#vivziepop#i was bored and wanted to draw something#my main goal here was to create a design that looked distinct and could (potentially) be moderately easy to animate#of course based on charlie's character i added as many angel images as possible through the hair and bowtie#(i know white on white is a character design sin but i wanted to show the angel wing detail ;w;)#also to express the personality and juxtaposition of a sweet devil her horns are supposed to curve into a heart shape#of course the garterbelts are upside-down/st peters crosses because of her satanic themes#i also tried to go harder into the goat theme but its still subtle i think#i actually think the goat theme is really interesting because of the story of the sheep and the goats in the bible#but i cant remember if it was actually something intended in her original design#i'm not going to draw anyone else so dont even anticipate that#this was basically a cooldown? ok i think i'm rambling now#goodbye#ok edit to say it clearly: i am not a fan of vivziepop or her work. i just wanted to redesign charlie as a cooldown/exercise for fun#because i used to be a fan of the character before i wised up about what vivzie had and has done#and before i matured and noticed the cracks and fundamental flaws in her works#so yea i dont support her at all and this redesign is critical i guess#also the reason why the tag “vivziepop” is there in the first place is so that anyone who has that tag silenced can scroll past#without seeing anything related to her work. in case that clears anything up#its the same reason why i tag “long post” and “food” and the like
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The creechur
The silly (crazy? I was crazy onc-)
So I got inspired to finally post this guy because of this post by @z4n3jul13n (cool person you should look at their stuff)
full version with my doodles under the cut
(I have a whole au based off of this guy)
#So.#the silly.#stares at the like 17 long rambling basically essays in my notes app about this guy#Also looking at the number of layers and how long this took I really need to streamline my process for drawing because damn.#This should not have taken almost 24 hours it is not even full artwork#ANYWAYS so how we feelin#Once again thanks to z4n3jul13n for making the post that got me motivated to post this#I’m not actually done with the au in question so I was kinda hesitant to post it but yeah#Ok now to tag this#art#digital art#ninjago#ice emperor#ninjago season 11#ninjago crystalized#Crystalized Ice Emperor#Yippieee#This is what that one post I reblogged was about#The whole waiting until the thing is finished#i am at it again#YOOO SO WHILE I WAS MAKING THIS POST THEY POSTED THEIR DESIGN FOR CRYSTALIZED ICE EMPEROR AND LIKE WHAT ITS SO COOL#Wow the tags got long ok I’ll queue this for lateerrr#Turns out I don’t know how to use the queue have this now
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IWTV spoilers, but.
Daniel Malloy really said ‘fuck you, Armand’, exposed 70+ years of lies and ended their relationship. Wouldn’t surprise me if he tweeted #teamloustat before Armand turned him, either. Good for him honestly. Good for him.
(more rambling in the tags)
#lizzi talks#amc iwtv#iwtv spoilers#can’t wait for season 3 & the vampire Lestat#sam’s performance was once again outstanding this episode#and the end made me cry#bc why are they so soft??#i don’t know what else to think about it bc i was suspecting it#how am i supposed to move on without an ep to look forward to every week??#especially bc we’ll never know what louis and lestat whispered to each other at the end#it will keep me up at night till i see them again#excuse my rambling#but this entire literally screamed vampires writing fanfic about each other#and i think it’s funny cuz anne rice would’ve never admitted it#ok i’m done now#loustat#lestat de lioncourt#louis de pointe du lac#daniel malloy#interview with the vampire#iwtv s2
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davesprite my good friend davesprite
#i like this guy. a normal amount#funny thing is when i was 2/3rds through reading homestuck i was complaining to a friend about the size of the cast-#and how tricky it is to keep track of that many characters and care about what’s happening to them#i said smth along the lines of “how am i supposed to care about all these guys especially when they barely matter. whats the point of-#another dave but with wings??”#and now davesprite is my second favorite character. whoulda thunk.#anyway he gets done so dirty by jade and john on the ship. fuck that he should be treated better#ok ramble over. can you tell i like davesprite. tags time babyy#homestuck#homestuck fanart#fanart#hs fanart#art#davesprite#davesprite fanart#homestuck davesprite#beta kids
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i will go to my first ever gay date with courage! i will not overthink it! i will not get bi imposter syndrome! i will not tell myself im meant to only ever be with a man! i will just follow my heart and my pussy and live my life! a gender is just a gender! a date with two girls is still a date! i am allowed to date girls! i will not get brainworms!
#the hardest thing is i keep thinking ‘but you’ve never liked a girl like her before’#‘she’s femme and you’ve never liked femmes! you can’t trust what you’re feeling!’#but i have liked girls exactly like her before!!!!!#literally one of the cool guitarist women who i found on instagram and who turned me gay!! looks so much like her and has the same vibe!!#also it doesn’t matter!! i’m bi i am attracted to lots of people!#but sometimes my brain can’t get with the program on that#who knows maybe i’ll go out with her and feel nothing and have a crisis#and that’s ok!!#i kinda doubt it rn tho cuz she’s so beautiful wowwwwwwwwwww wow wow#and if i feel a certain way now and a different way later that’s ok!!#that doesn’t mean i was wrong! that just means my feelings changed!#ok hype speech done i’m gonna refer back to this later before i get there#wish me luck <3#bisexual#wlw#internalized homophobia#internalized biphobia#rambling
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have tryed out clip studio paint!!! my thoughts: neat but a bit hard to control. love love how i can sketch on here though. looks and works a lot like paper so mabey this will be how i get more digital sketching done!! ibis paint is still better for super finnished arts i think.
also ideas with chuuya/arahabaki thingies because the ideas of god and man are funky uwu
#my arts<3#fuckkk tagging time#weeeeeeee#arahabaki#bsd chuuya#chuuya nakahara#bsd#chuuya bsd#bsd fanart#bsd art#bungou stray dogs#bungou stray dogs chuuya#bungo stray dogs fanart#the bungos#nakahara chuuya#done! yayyyy#uhh yee hope this all ok? i love how chuuyas character is just. human. but i also have lots of fun thinking of this#also also the tiny guy floating on a rock above chuuya is dazai. its another height joke because i cannot stop myself#fuck okay am in pain gonna go heat up heat pad now- but yee! funky doodles#also if anyone wants my new more done sped kid rants pls pls pls ask must add the bungos to it because.#*looks at giant cork board with pictures and rambles and red yarn connecting the dots* i have a lot#and it just agkkk it works so so gooddddd
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as someone who knows what ur prev old man yaoi obsession was it checks out you like cherik.... same dynamic id say
For but a moment i thought you were referring to arasawa but nay you meant xehaqus 😔
#snap chats#as we have covered many a time … thats ok i still love them lowkey ……#‘your prev old man yaoi obsession’ do you have any idea how little that narrows it down#the list is small tho …. its barely a list tbh but anyway#yeah 😔 sorry i like old people in messy divorces …..#girllllll no cauuuussse the kh bbs novel still fucks me up idc if its been years eraqus being so whipped got me twisted …#i mean arasaw could be applicable too ig. Cute Old Man And His Attack Dog Husband yeah that checks out#even got the whole ‘dog’ thing going on an everything… cept one of thems a FREAK ABOUT IT <- charles#anyways. moving on.#i havw to drive in three hours and im gonna be mad all morning but then it’ll be over and my day will significantly improve#shoulsni get myself noodles after class yes or no !!!!!!!!#i wanna save money tho … but now thats its 1AM and i forgot to eat dinner noodles sound so yummy …..#no yk what sucks my fave noodle place aint evwn open on mondays. like excuse me.#WHATEVER i havw TWO noodle spots so CHOKE. i am rambling.#and ill ramble more I Kinda Wanna Get More Comics but all the comics i want arent available at my shop </3#im done rambling now …… goot bye …
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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Field Guide to encounters with The Glow, Part One: Type 1 infected, AKA Growlers.
Growlers are intensely aggressive, so much so that they are just as violent towards other infected as anything else that moves. While blind, the Growlers are equipped with keen hearing and smell, and can locate a potential meal from far distances. Constantly on the hunt, these unfortunate beasts' diet of choice ultimately leaves them unsatisfied and starving. Stage 3 Type 1 infected usually die within weeks, but some have survived up to two months.
To Distract a Growler: Find some way to create noise in the opposite direction that you are located. Make sure it is loud, and lasts long enough for you to run. Flying is a viable method of escape if you possess wings, as stage 2 and 3 Growlers are incapable of flight. Stage 2 due to the weakening of their flight muscles- and stage 3 due to the loss of feathers.
How to avoid detection: Mask your scent. Try to remain as neutral-smelling as possible. This can be hard to do, but do your best and you will avoid being sniffed out by a late stage Growler. Avoiding detection by a stage 2 is simply a matter of staying out of sight and keeping noise to a whisper. Additionally, avoid making noise when near a stage 3 Growler. If you cannot be detected through smell, your best bet with a stage 3 is to hold completely still, breath slowly (quietly), and wait for them to leave line of sight- then you can make a run for it. Stage 3 Growlers are strong but slow-moving. Outrunning them in a large enough space is possible.
Special Notes: Growlers at stage 3 cannot be reasoned with and have the minds of starving, cornered predators. However, due to stage 2 Growlers being still rather cognizant, you can communicate with them- it is recommended to do so with some form of barrier however, due to their overwhelming instinct to bite and infect everything they see. When things were still relatively stable and infected were being appropriately contained, Princess Twilight Sparkle had frequent verbal contact with multiple stage 2 Growlers in her care. They were reluctantly polite, expressing a clear desire to attack the princess, but understood their situation well enough to be compliant at the time. All these stage 2s eventually progressed into stage 3, and were either put down, escaped, or kept for further study.
#mlp infection au#the glow#infection field guide: Growlers#doing this bc you've seen what part of an infected looks like so- I wish to show to you what our boy N--- is up against here in a few posts#am I evil? mayhaps#also spoilers- kinda? I guess it would count- there are six 'types' labelled -1 through 4 so.#those field guides will be posted as each type is revealed#I'm having fun btw this is great#not only is it good practice for my art (which I should note I haven't drawn much at all in years) but!#this entire blogs very existence is incredibly out of my comfort zone! I am very very anxious about this whole experience but! I'm doing it#and I'm very proud of myself! Proud enough that the anxiety is being gradually overridden by fun and excitement and IDEAs#ok I'm done rambling now lmao
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To the non star rail followers, my feelings on the fandom's treatment of Sunday and Robin are like when Adam stans try and take Blake/Sienna Khan's characterization and ideals and claim Adam had those things the entire time
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I need to write. But also can't be bothered. Help D:
@ratdetector-x11 like threaten me or something idk just get me to write something.
#It's important#not really#but I have to write the blorbos#or I'll explode or something#idk#i just want to get it done#and move onto one shots again#but I am enjoying writing my longfic don't get me wrong#I just hate procrastination#so like#help#This is not that serious dont worry#Just need motivation#And possibly avoiding art homework thats due tomorrow and Geography due thursday#but we don't need to talk about that#also I add a ton of tags#which is mainly just ramble#which nobody reads probably#but it helps#the proctastination#ok i'll stop now#or will I#?#yes#I will#okay#bye#...#I said bye#ok thats enough.
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I just did the hardest thing in my life.
Now I'm not sure how to go about talking about something like this.... i'm not all here mentally so just bear with me.... TW: Death, passing of a loved one, and organ donation. self harm mentioned.
I'm in Louisiana… Got here yesterday, everything feels like a blur… yet it feels like it's moving in slow motion…. It feels really good to see my stepmom, and stepsibs and my half brother Bear who came down to Louisiana JUST for me. Bear and our dad didn't really have a relationship, not the way I did with our dad. But Bear came down from Minnesota for me..... and I'm truly grateful for that.
My dad was legally pronounced brain dead on September 3rd 2024. Yesterday, September 4th, 2024. He had his Hero Walk from his ICU room to the ambulance bay…. i feel… I dont know… I've only ever have seen that on like med dramas before.. ya know? There's a place out here were they take him to handle as they put it "His gifts". Because he was an organ donor… I'm so proud of him for that Oh my gods I'm so proud of him for that…. but that walk… seeing all those doctors and nurses staff. some of who are my step moms co workers… it was the hardest thing i have ever done/ had been a part of in my life…. there is already a recipient of his liver. My dad is going to save someone else's life….. (we just got a call from the place that he went to, they were able to recover his liver, and two other things for transplants!!! THREE THINGS. MY dad is helping three different people!!!!)
Before we did the Hero Walk, Bear got to hang up a flag in honor of our dad. which was flown at half mast at the hospital. He's keeping the flag. Yesterday I had the honor of recording his heartbeat, and it's on my phone. I haven't listened to it since recording it.... I'm scared too, but I know that I wanna save up to get a Seattle Seahawks bear from Build a bear and put his heartbeat in that. I know it's going to kill me everytime I play it, but I think it'll also help???? the jury is still out.. lol
THe hero's walk was so surreal.... seeing that in real life.... I...I don't know how to process it... the doctors, nurses, and staff lined the hallways from the ICU to the ambulance bay.... it was so quiet, and I was sobbing the entire time walking behind my dad. He really is a hero... and my respect for him grew. I already had so so much respect for him. But wow.... The hero's walk was up til today, something I only saw on med dramas.... it felt so heavy, every single one of those people in those hallways had such a heavy look of respect and admiration for my dad. I feel like I'm shock kinda.... just a lot going on my head I cant keep things straight tbh...
Everyone has been a mess, but I think my stepmom and I take the cake on being a mess. (She doesn't have Tumblr, and none of my other family do so i'm not worried about them seeing this heh...) I have been dissociating a lot... I think... been blasting Sleep Token a lot to deal with this.... I never thought that my dad would be gone so soon... It's weird sitting in his chair writing this, knowing that he would usually never let anyone else sit in it... I have moments of hearing his voice when it's completely silent.... it's a sound that I will never forget, and his deep belly laugh when you would get him rolling.... his smile... Gods... I don't know how to feel.... it's weird to be here without him.... I wouldn't be sober if it wasn't for my dad, yeah I made the choice to get sober, but he helped me. He let me scream, cry, vent.... I didn't go to rehab, I literally detoxed on a greyhound bus on my way to Ohio. but when I got to Ohio. My dad was a Video call away, and I called him a lot. He didn't care about my ramblings, or the fact that I can never stay on topic.... he did the same thing.
We are cremating him, and having a wake for him with a viewing... which is going to be really hard for me honestly. After seeing him in the ICU.... but I think it'll be nice. and by cremating him. I'll be able to always have a little piece of him with me always. I just need to find something for his ashes, something that means something to both of us. Just us. I don't know where to even start... I'm not gonna be able to do anything until next month anyway...... I honestly feel so lost right now.... I keep thinking who am I gonna call. and my first thought is my dad....
I can't call him, and it hurts so much. But I know he isn't in pain anymore. He's with his dad, and grandpa. He's with my grandma, and aunts who loved him. But.... I feel lost... my heart hurts so much... I know that I'll learn to cope, and with a lot of time. It will get easier, but it doesn't feel like it. It really doesn't...
there is a GoFundMe going... i can get it from my stepmom if anyone wants it.. it was set up by a family friend.. just dm me I guess. i'll answer DMS but that's really it.
Me and my dad in 2019 in Idaho
This picture of my dad, I'm not sure when it was taken, but he looks so cool.
My dad when he was about 17 or so and his Mopar, this is my absolutely favorite picture of him. Picture courtesy of my Uncle Floyd on Facebook hehe.
Then these are pictures of his flag, the first three I took from the parking lot of the hospital. the last one my brother Bear took. I'm gonna post more photos of my dad. My Uncle Floyd, his brother is sending me a lot, and my stepmom and I are going through his facebook page and shes telling me stories about some of them. While going through some of his stuff... I know its soon.... but honestly... I'm keeping a lot of it. IDK where I'm putting it. But so far its mainly clothes, and stuff me and TJ one of my partners can wear. Might give my other partner a shirt if they'd like....
My dad is a hero, and is going to be saving someone's life tonight with the gift of his liver. I am so proud to be his daughter, but at the same time I am so hurt that he's gone. A small piece of him is going to live on with somebody else, whoever that is. I know they will be grateful for this, and that makes me happy. so happy, my dad loved helping people. So he is very much a super hero in my eyes.
Fly high daddy. I love you so much. You are saving one more life tonight, and I am so proud of you. So very proud to be your daughter, thank you for being my dad and one of my best friends. Even if you said that we weren't. I feel in my heart of hearts we were, I will never stop thinking about you. Or what you would do, or say. what jokes you would make, or how you say them. I love you so so much. I know you will be watching over us from now on, and that you wouldn't want me crying. But dammit dad... you know how I am... I can't help it... It's going to take a while before I can think of talk about you with crying. and you know it. you were always my hero for many reasons....
Do you know how hard it is going to be for me? Not being able to call you? Not being able to excitedly chitter to you about small things like my crystals or tarot cards? or...or calling you crying because I don't feel good or I have cramps and you make me feel better by making me laugh?? I know you know... I get the concept. heh.. But...I guess something is coming from it. I'm getting to know my Uncle Floyd better... He misses you a lot dad, Floyd loves you so much. He's sending me all of these really neat pictures of you guys... and he was making me laugh. Explaining the difference between having a mullet, and having long hair with bangs... lol
Floyd has been checking in on me and everyone almost daily, I haven't talked to him this much ever... which, yeah I know I can't take all the blame. He even said so.... You know you two are so much alike its kinda scary. heh. He called me princess the other day while I was on greyhound. I don't think he was thinking about it to be honest. He's been calling me kiddo a lot, kinda like you did. I think its cute. hehehe. But I think sadly this was the push I needed to connect with him more... He also has a really nice voice, just like yours. And the push I needed to connect with Kim more too.
I know that because of my mom, my relationship with Kim has been kinda weird. But I'm realizing that... some information was revealed and more clarified to me about certain happenings with my mom and wellll.... let's just say there are A LOT of emotions right now with that... I don't even know where to begin on that.... woooboyyyy dad... there's a lot to unpack there... and I know we've kinda touched on this crap here and there and really talked about things from your point of view. But Kim told me stuffs that.... Well I'm gonna need to talk to my therapist about it first because I really don't know how to process it. Because it was during the time I was treating you so horribly.... and I'm sorry... I didn't fully know or understand what was going on. I know I know I don't have to apologize for anything I know. But knowing this new information..... I'm sorry..... I'm so sorry. Ok i'm gonna try not to say that anymore. TRY.
I'm taking a lot of your clothes to be honest, oh and Ace is like my best friend now. Look! HE HUGE DAD HOLY FUCK
As soon as I started talking to Floyd Ace came out and started loving on me. I love him so much dad, he's so soft and sweet oh my gosh. But he misses you. He's definitely your cat lol for sure your cat. Everytime attacks Kim I giggle I can't help it. it's so funny, Tucker and Flash miss you too. Tucker has been so happy to see me. I love those dogs so much. I'm so happy to see them, and cuddle with them!!!! it's been so nice to be writing this and being able to set this aside to love on one of them for a minute. It's also been nice to spend time with Bear, We hung out a little yesterday.
He needed to run to Walmart, I tagged along cause well I wanted to go for a car ride. and I wanted to spend time with him too. He did drive all the way down here for me.... and yeah I know. I'm just glad he's here, he's getting some kind of closure with all of this... I know I've always been kinda like the fixer.. always trying to fix things... like relationships. like with my mom and Kim.
I now understand what was really going on... and I...I can't fix that. I can't, I have my own shit I need to worry about dad... like how i'm gonna live without you.... how am I going to do that?? I know I have TJ and Fruits... Kim, Bear, Floyd... Yes I've been constantly talking to TJ. I've been keeping him updated every step of the way....
But not you.... goddammit dad..... I know I'm going to be ok eventually, but this fucking sucks right now... My mind is racing, one minute I'm laughing about something you joked about or said, the next i'm shaking and sobbing because you aren't here... I feel like i'm constantly panicking.... I would totally lose my mind if I wasn't here with Kim and them... honestly I think if I wasn't here with them, I think I would be hurting myself right now or wanting to be really badly.... and that's a scary thought to be honest. I don't know if I do right now... but so much has been going on that I haven't really thought bout it frankly. I'm keeping a lot of your shirts for myself and TJ. I'm gonna see if J wants any of them. If not, well I'm not worried about it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I promise to take good care of your shirts that your dad gave you. I have a lot of good memories of you two together, so to have some of these shirts that I vividly remember grandpa Taylor wearing when I was little, then seeing you wearing them... now me... its.... very special to me. And I'm very honored?? I'm not sure if that's the right term, but i'm gonna go with it...Of course I'm taking your Kiss Blankie, and one of your Seahawks shirts. my favorite one. the one you always wore, you know the one. hehe. I even have the shirt J and I made for you when we were teeny tiny. My handprint is so small oh my gosh dadddd... I promise to take good care of it.
Gods....there's so much more I wanna say. But I'm not really sure how too... I definitely feel like i'm still in shock...I thought I still had time... Dad... You HAVE to tell people when you don't feel good, I know you don't like people worrying about you but... THIS IS WHYY!! GOD dad.... I'm happy your not in pain anymore I'm so happy for that, cause god knows that you hated it so much... But this was too fucking sudden for everyone. Too fucking sudden old man.... Christ... leaving me...us like this... fucking hell dad.... I just... I need you. here with me. I'm always going to need you. I don't know what I'm going to do without you.... you were a really good man whether you believe it yourself or not.
You ARE a good man, you saved three different lives.... but mine is going to be changed forever and you know how much I hate change like this..... Honestly personally I don't think I'll ever really get over this, or this trauma... I really don't think I will. I hate this so much I do. plain and simple. I want you here with me dammit, it's not fucking fair! It's so not fucking fair!! I hate feeling like i'm being selfish when I know this is normal....I feel like I have to be strong for everyone else I don't wanna be. I spent most of my life hating you because of my mom!!! I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT AND ITS NOT MY FAULT. I missed out because of her, and because she lied to me about a lot of things..... and that's time I will never get back with you.... that kills me so badly..... like oh my gods it hurts bad.... so much..... I know there is still a lot of high running emotions. But you know how strongly I felt and loved.... gods... How am I going to this without you? I know I will..... but right now...I don't know how... I really don't know how..... I love you so much this hurts so badly.... I don't think I can properly pet into words how bad i'm hurting.... how badly i'm missing you right now. I know for a fact that if you were here right now, we would be talking about everything under the sun. Gods I need that right now..... I really do daddy... I just wanna talk to you, and laugh and hug you.
I would give almost anything for just one more day.... just to hear your voice, see your green eyes. hear your laugh.... feel your arms around me... I am so glad that we were able to work on our relationship. So fucking grateful. you mean so much to me daddy, you really do. I hope you know how much you mean to me.... I really really hope you do . I love you dad. I will talk soon.... maybe... might start a sideblog with letters for you... I'll have to think about that for a little bit. But I love you daddy. I will talk you later. toodles....
#stoned rae#yes I have been very stoned writing this......#honestly.... it's its only thing I really can do.#although my stepmom has involved us kids in every step of this process....#and giving us a choice whether or not we want to bury dad or cremate him.....#it's nice#very nice.#but I'm ok but not ok.#I am safe#I am loved#a lot of back and forth emotions right now.....#BIIIGGGGGG FEEELLLIINGGGSSSSS#wooobooyyyy#we are cremating him.#We all want a lil piece of him with us#I feel proud of myself for being present for the conversation... I kinda remember it lol#but we all agree that we want to cremate him.#cause his other wish...#we can't do....#This man#wants to be buried ass up#butt naked#with a sign that says “Kiss my ass” and heavy metal playing in the background.#I think that would be funny as hell#but my stepmoms family#wouldn't like it that much#and well. I like my stepmoms family.#so we respect dem!#lol#Otay I done rambling
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this is silly and vent-ish but good lord i am sick of this shit T_T you get used to never seeing myanmar or burmese culture on the internet unless you go looking for it (it's a small country, not super surprising, this isn't the problem here) but. the ONE time i get jumpscared with a mention of it in a youtube comment section. it's from a rando writing a burmese side character into their story who's talking big shit about giving him a traditional name (this is another conversation what the fuck do you mean traditional name??????) but is like. his whole focus is being burmese but "he's just too asian right now like i think readers are just going to think he's just asian" WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
#shoutout to the one (1) reply saying “hm. i suggest maybe go and talk to a burmese person in real life?” because yeah#this feels like an overreaction but also. it's not#sigh. maybe it is a little bit. anyway i'm still a little pissy about it bc it's my god-given right#“i need him to mention it and i don't know how to write him as burmese without him mentioning it :(” MAYBE IS THAT BECAUSE#YOU HAVEN'T DONE A SINGLE MODICUM OF RESEARCH?#WHITE PERSON PUTS POC IN WORK FOR DIVERSITY POINTS? FORK FOUND IN KITCHEN? MOTHERFUCKER?#tristan rambles#hi! i am doing ok!#actually doing better than ok because i got an extremely sweet email just now but this is separate from the issue at hand
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May I just say... Thank you for your good good lady merc designs. Like, scout's Ma was already in milf territory but you really just 😙🤌. And Quinn! Lanky awkward woman my beloved. Her and Yvainne's weird gay thing is perfect. Anyway I am spinning them around in my brain, thank you for feeding my hyperfixation.
ive actually been drawing a lot of scout’s ma today, so this is a very apt ask to get !! Thank you sm! I’m having a lot of fun drawing strange women, always very happy to see people liking them!
Heres a wip of a ma. ^_^
#I dont always have the energy or art backlog… but when i do i like to be able to add art to ask responses#mostly bc it helps me feel like im not being too repetitive when i respond to compliments#i get worried that i seem disingenuous! And i hope that i am not coming across that way!#every time i say i am glad people appreciate my women art! I always mean it!#or any of my art in general ofc. Thank you for taking the time to say nice things. :]#Merry#fem fortress but they’re separate characters from their canon merc counterparts#i have been ironing out how i characterize scouts ma as i draw her more for the fem merc team…#and i think i have ultimately found her true form: bimbo /hj#bc i think she deserves that#ok sorry for rambling in tags. Im done now
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