#oh what is it good for

[popculturebuffet]

Sam and Max Save the World Retrospective Part 4: Abe Lincoln Must Die! (Patreon Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to my sam and max telltale retrospective extravaganza! We're onto part 4 and it's time to get presdietnal as a dark horrifying power rises … no not that one.. no not that one either… this one's more rabit shaped. And he's OSTENSIBLY the lesser of two evils as for our heroes must stop a giant lincoln backed by a shadowy conspiracy. it's going to take mudslinging, soda torture, deciet, jaunty musical numbers, misproration of goverment funds and a good old fashioned musical number to win the day ! Can our heroes do it? Well yeah i'm playing them, but go under the cut for the how, the why and the hairpulling of Abe Lincoln Must Die!

Abe Lincoln Must Die.. is a mixed chapter. The writing is easily the best so far, somehow topping the already great mob the moll and the meatball with lots of great political jokes, regular jokes and one of the most delightfully bonkers scenarios i've seen in a game or anywhere: a sociopath rabbit thing going up against the lincoln memorial for president, with TONS of humor from both parties. It's never not intresting, full of funny and has a kickass musical number.

So then why is it mixed? Well it's simple.. the writing is at it's best and ends great, setting up the next chapter well… but the actual gameplay is

I had to rely on the guide a LOT with this one, sometimes due to impatience.. but a lot of it being that the solutions were just really vauge. There is a LOT to do and a lot of places to go, with the white house and i'ts lawn being pretty expansive, and it being kind of a pain to get back in the desoto for this one as the driver's side's obscured so it takes a while to have sam walk to it and there is a LOT of going back and forth between there and the office. It gets overwhelming fast. It's not helped that this chapter is more linear: you THINK it would but the more open ended nature of the previous two meant their even bigger environments weren't an issue and you were encouraged to just explore. Here your stuck between two environments that take forever to get out of as you have to click on the door and have sam walk all the way to it. Even with a guide it slows it way down. The settings here aren't bad but by not giving the player as much flexibility it makes them frustrating and repttive rather than fun.

It's not TERRIBLE, the humor, the dialouge options, and the sheer variety help, but it's certainly the weakest chapter so far. I thought the game giving you at on of options was a problem.. but it turns out it's way worse when it gives you those BUT a narrow goal to acomplish with them. It's why this chapter's so frustrating: it should be excellent but drawbacks they shoudl've been ready to acomidate for are there and really hold this one back. So with the actual analysis as a game out of the way, let's look at the story

The opening.. is a thing of beauty. The Bug returns, with Sam and Max using his vast powers exactly how you'd expect: for prank calls. It's only when the Chief calls does the fun stops: the president is passsing a bunch of irrational laws and generally loosing it so our heroes need to go put a stop to it. Insert your own joke about you know who here, though this president is more bush than trump flavored, which for the record are nacho cheese covered mild slim jim for the former and pralines and dick for the later.

Our heroes head to the white house, where they have to get past the MVP of this episode, Agent Superball. Superball is a taciturn, unfun dude.. who also happens to listen in on stage whispers and asides as part of his job, only gets federal holidays off and is in general a delight. Thankfully one of his many, MANY, duties is answering the payphone, so a simple call to it using the bug distracts him long enough to get in.

The Oval Office itself.. isn't any more helpeful. The duo , given the last three adventures, figure four's a charm and the president has been hypnotized, but naturally it's a bit hard to just wack the leader of the free world upside the head to fix that. Not helping is Agent Cuddles, who was one of the mafia bears last time.. and was the one in the omnious stinger, now taking position as this episode's big bad and our heroes general poking around is suspcious and gets them thrown out

This is something I really like about the white house setting: it's the rare time when their freelance police credintials mean nothing that isn't either for comedy's sake (the stage manager refusing to let them past) or simply one of the villians of the peace not respecting thier authoratah. I mean granted if it did this series chapters would be way shorter and way less funny, but it's still one of the few times their really out of options for a moment… if only a moment because our heroes are saved by walking pee joke and dollar store squeaky voiced teen, Whizzer, and for once. .i'm actually HAPPY he's here

Yeah i'm as suprised as you, but after the suffering of having to hear him sing and the hours spent getting my ears counseling from the experience, we get payback as you serve as his translator since the President can't heart at frequencies that high. or i'ts just funny and makes for the series best gag since "Cookin without Lookin'. As a result you basically get to troll the voice that makes dogs run in terror who don't have hats with build in sound baffling for occasions such as this or max playing the sousaphone at 2am with various blatantly wrong and offensive answers , from picking a fight outright to declaring war, it's all good stuff and the actual solution is great. Whizzer is there as a former soda addict, so simply get him a drink, and he acts like this soda is

I mean I get it i'm also a soda junkie. I just dont announce my bathroom breaks. Sam makes him think the war room is a piss closet, he's escorted out and we get to wack the commander in chief upside the head only for him to be a ROBOT! Yeah while I knew going in he wasn't going to be the main antagonist, the title also helps, it's still a nice misdirect as you assume the episode will be saving the commander THEN a giant stone abe lincoln comes in. Instead the Commander was a cheap puppet, just like the real bush, and Cuddles is surprisingly unphased. Annoyed yes, but since plan A Failed i'ts time for plan B… and this being sam and max instead of "assume the presidency and pin the murder on the furries", it's "bring the lincoln memorial to life as a giant honest abe and have him run in the emergency election" And that is why this franchise rules and is the second best use of abe lincoln behind clone high ladies, gentleman and others. Why frame our heroes for murder and have a drawn out trial that involves Max threatening the judge with a turnip twaddler, when instead you can have our heroes forced to run for president against the lincoln memorial.

And Chief wants them to do just that. He may regret those vauge orders as since Sam got ot answer the phone (love me those phone gags), Max gets to run for president

But to beat the president, we're going to need some suplies so it's back home.

So it's time to check up on our recurring cast: Bosco has gone russian, trying to get the money for a satalite, charging you millions of dollars and being there as usual. So in other words not much has changed except he wears a neat hat now. Sybil however gets her best career yet: Dating Service. As a result we get to play a fun game filling out applications.. .and having the results for Sam and Max be each other. The two claim to never speak of this again because it was the 2000's and having a case of the not gays was considered a joke and not being in hardcore denial about who you two are. Seriously guys just get married.. again. You'll drop the pretense and get a neat tax break you can use to buy that Walrus with a rocket launcher grafted on it's back and chainsaws for flippers you've always wanted. They also find out Syb is desperate of ra date, so using the bug we set her up with Lincoln. We also get some handy signs from our good old friend Hugh Bliss, who is in this again and surely isn't plotting anything. What a nice fellow.

So it's time for a debate between a stone abe lincoln puppeted by a shadowy conspiracy and a lagomorph high on sugar, cocaine and sugar that looks like cocaine. This may be the finest presidetial debate ever witnessed and the only way I can even fathom it being even better was if the third party candidate was this guy

The key to beat abe is to switch his cue cards up, making his poll numbers dip hard dip fast now, and finish it off with a sex scandal… though why the LIncoln Memorial is beholden to his marriage to a mary todd whose long dead I dunno but hey this is sam and max. It works.

Sybil is left heartbroken, whcih is the second time in two episodes we've severely fucked with a close friend and ally for personal gain! Huzzah! The problem is Lincoln's decided to go all ronald regan on us and LINCOLN SMASH.. and since he has the stamina of a golem and not an 80 year old man, we're all in trouble.

The next bit is confusing, as there are a lot of things to manipulate but how isn't very clear: it's clear you need to get the warroom which superball is still keeping you from because goverment, and the national descrionary budget. We also have to deal with ALL THREE soda jerkers

Governeors of North, South and east Dakota. A parody on the oh so timeless trend of celebrities running for office.

The final pieces of this act play out like this: we first go to sybil finding out she's now a carbon dater because she bought a neat gun thingy and accidently thinks her tiki statue is years old. We give her the money for vacation, then swipe the gun, using it on bosco's to find out his hot dogs are paleolithic and thus switch the money ot him, getting the serum. Instead of Delcious Burbon, they get some vodka. Before we use it though I need to mention one thing I keep nearly leaving out: the trophy. After the disapointment from last time this episode MORE THAN MADE UP FOR IT, with LENOARD STEAKCHARMER. That's not a typo: he's still tied up and gagged and as an added bonus he's just shoved into the shelf in the closet. They just keep him there. It's fantastic.

So with our whitest of the white liquors in hand, we get the boys wasted, they declare war on each other and we get the best sequence in the entire series thus far, one i'm doubting will be topped. I'd seen this before getting to this chapter but boy oh boy was it just as good the second time.

It's good for you, it's good for me. Now we've showed the world we've got stones and carriers with fighter drones, we can now use a ribon from the three stooges at home to make superball a secretary of whatever we say he is, all the options are fucking gold, paticuarlly "Secretary of watching this door" (MAX NO), and get him to take a day off. Inside the war room we get a lot of great options including to BOMB THE RUSSIANS (like a boss) and destroy the planet krypton. We also get BOSCO'S as an option, a great gag about them REALLY being after him. Sam understandbly decides not to tell him and steals the beacon for that bomb. We throw it at lincoln in another car chase because they programmed the car stuff dammit, then go back and blow him up real good. Democrcy is saved, lincoln is left just a head and Agent Cuddles is beaten.. and his mysterious master is left destraught. Whose behind all this?

Well okay I do know but stay tuned next time as we jack in, Sam and Max, execute! And thanks for reading.

[hinamie]

to moving forward

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Must be a Sugondese joke.

[petrichara]

‘Love is the one thing that we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space.’

“Eulogy from a Physicist” by Aaron Freeman, with quotes from Interstellar by Christopher Nolan, and images from NASA, Interstellar, Getty, Petrichara, and Reuters.

1- NASA: GOODS-South.

2- NASA: NGC 1850.

3- NASA: Iberian Peninsula.

4- Christopher Nolan: Interstellar.

5- NASA: From the Earth to the Moon.

6- Hannah La Folette Ryan: Subway Hands.

7- Adams Evans: Heart Nebula.

8- NASA: Exploring the Antennae.

9- NASA: Crescent Moon from the International Space Station.

10- Petrichara.

11- Getty Images.

12- NASA: SMACS 0723.

13- Reuters

[foolsocracy]

put dick on a team and trust he will make sure they can perform as an acrobat troop

[eric-the-disposable-demon]

Uh-

just found out my cousin (who lives in England) is in the art department of a bunch of shows??? And she worked oN DOCTOR WHO? AND HAD LUNCH WITH DAVID TENNANT???? and she just told me so casually because she's interested in the art, not the show? I mean, excuse me? She worked on SHERLOCK???? FOR A WHOLE SEASON?? She worked on Peaky Blinders and Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones??? And probably other things because she has a shitty memory and according to her everything is a blur?? AND AT ONE POINT SHE WAS LIKE: "oh and have you ever heard of Neil Gaiman?" And I was trying not to scream, because yes, of course I've heard of Neil, he's only my favorite author, I've only read like all of his books multiple times, and if you say you worked on Good Omens or the Sandman I'm going to lose it completely. So I said "yeah I've read a couple of his books," -you know, like a liar- "what about him?" and she goes "well I worked on one of his shows and he's brilliant i just can't remember which one" and i go "w-what do you mean he's brilliant? You're.. you're talking about his writing... his writing is brilliant, right?" And she cheerfully says "oh no I don't read books, I ment he was really nice and brilliant when I talked to him" and i go "WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT" and she thinks for a moment and goes "oh! BRICKS" WHAT IN THE WORLD YES NO THAT MAKES SENSE YOU GET TO WORK AND TALK WITH NEIL FUCKING GAIMAN AND YOU TALK ABOUT BRICKS? NO THAT'S TOTALLY NORMAL I'M NOT MAD ".... it was what I was designing at the time, I needed to know what vibe the bricks should have. Anyway want to see the spinning fireplace I made for doctor who" WHAT THE FUCK.

@neil-gaiman do you remember any brick conversations by any chance

[secondbeatsongs]

for anyone too young to know this: watching The Truman Show is a vastly different experience now, compared to how it was before youtube and social media influencers became normal

before it was like, "what a horrifying thing to do to a human being! to take away their autonomy and privacy, all for the sake of profits! to create fake scenarios for them to react to, just to retain viewership! to ruin their happiness just so some corporate entity could harvest money from their very humanity! how could anyone do something so evil?"

and now it's like, "ah, yeah. this is still deeply fucked up, but it's pretty much what every influencer has been doing to their kids for a decade now. probably bad that we've normalized this experience"

[mipexch]

I WAS MADE FOR YOU // YOU WERE MADE FOR ME

[rika-mortis]

Bonus:

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[composeregg]

edit (10/23/2024) now that the poll is over: Original version, with 10 questions, from April 2023 here

And, given that the original is from April 2023, that means I can very easily say:

No, this was not an ISAT reference!

Just because I use parentheses and 2nd person pov and love the same concepts of what a time loop can do to a person doesn't mean it's ISAT

(Yes, I like ISAT, the original poll is why I was recommended the game! But if you look at the original, you can see all the origins of the options to choose from, including what spurred me on with the moss option from the replies)

If I were going to make something for ISAT, I would never be so vague, you can simply look at my ao3 for proof of that

[dappy-dappernette]

I keep on hearing people go all "The voice of the Smitten is such a creep. All he wants in the princess is someone to control and keep as a pretty object. He'd drop the princess if she wasn't the perfect petite maiden like in the damsel route." and I will not stand for the Smitten slander.

Like- He's been in love with her as a burning corpse ghost lady:

A terrifying ghost woman who wants to bring fear and chaos to the world:

And even a murderous blade monster woman who would kill you and enjoy every second of it:

Like, he ALWAYS loves the princess no matter what she looks like or how she acts, he loves her for being herself no matter what or who she is. That's the point of his character and I'm tired of people slandering my boy.

[hinamie]

in spite of everything, I had fun <3

[catsharky]

Presenting: King Sidon, his wife Queen Yona and his boyfriend Link.

Yona is very supportive of everything except Sidon forgetting his ceremony cues.

(I had an atrocious week and TotK has been coming in clutch for keeping me sane.)

[musubiki]

balor 🥰

[artist-rat]

some epilogue vibes (an excuse to draw some hugs. and my durge so many times)