#oh what happens next? I DON’T KNOW!!
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“how do you plot / plan your book?” very bold of you to assume i do that.
#i literally just make it up as i go!!#oh what happens next? I DON’T KNOW!!#writing#writer#creative writing#teen writer#author#writers on tumblr#story writing#author things#writeblr#writer stuff#book writing#bookblr#writing advice#writing prompt#on writing#writers#writer things#writers and poets#writerscommunity#writblr#female writers#author blog#author post#writing community#writing is my therapy#writing blog#writer problems#writing on tumblr
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“A Little Chaos,” Moon Knight Annual (Vol. 5/2024), #1.
Writer: Dan Watters; Penciler and Inker: Marco Renna; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit
#Marvel#Marvel comics#Marvel 616#Moon Knight Annual#Moon Knight Annual vol. 5#Moon Knight Annual 2024#Moon Knight comics#latest release#Moon Knight#Marc Spector#Jake Lockley#Steven Grant#Colleen Wing#Khonshu#there’s SO much I love here I don’t know where to begin so I’ll go chronologically EXCEPT#Joke’s on you Nightmare you just stuck your hand down the garbage disposal#but in other news «Ms. Wing» he’s so polite#and alshsksh «little god botherer»#Mr. Knight should get «professional god botherer» put on his business card#it’ll have everyone reenacting that one scene from American Psycho hahaha#big fan also of Marc being so entirely unimpressed by Nightmare#not only is he not the scariest malicious entity to try and trespass in Marc’s brainpan but Marc knows exactly what is going to happen next#because JAKE AND STEVEN JAKE AND STEVEN JAKE AND STEVEN LET’S GOOO#(and even a Frenchie mention!!!! RAAAAAAH 🗣️🗣️🗣️)#(and Steven???? with the garrote??? I’m so proud oh my gosh?)#love the insinuation that Nightmare ranks below even SERE school/psyop training in terms of «how likely it is to mess with#this particular mind» let alone Khonshu#and I’m fascinated by this discussion of how that old quality of Marc chasing thrills and danger#(something I recall being discussed more in the first volume) is actually something that’s shared across all three of the guys#just in different manifestations (a gamble of finances is still a form of gambling particularly when those finances
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Ppl will say fanon v canon doesn’t matter and it’s all jokes and I’m sooooo close to going sure sometimes and then I remember y’all removed a major role of one of the if not THEE most prominent black character in Bruce’s story who was created a whole decade before tim and gave it to tim based off a run where he literally handed the role back! Like IN THE COMIC Tim was CEO in name only and handed it back to Lucius relieved when he didn’t need to front anymore like.
#also if I said y’all took a lot of what tam does and her character traits and handed them off to tim….#like from that run#it’s crazy bc I always say that’s like the only comic tim stans read#but if that’s true the racism isn’t even covert anymore el oh el#tim Drake#it’s actually about him this time#I’m not gonna clog Lucius or tam tags any further tho#oh and on the tam note#her quick thing and sheer insanity was seen as naivety from tim even tho it saved his ass quite a few times#mainly that Vicki vale shit#which is hung up on LUCIUS’ wall#bc it’s HIS office#bc HE is the CEO.#I think it’s so funny how Bruce quest was like unreliable narrator knows their unreliable and thinks that knowledge means that everything t#they say is true bc they acknowledge that maybe they’re not thinking healthily#which is so fucking fun#but y’all go ‘yesss this is Tim!’#like no! it’s not! and tim knows that! and he’s too high strung to be pissed or scared about it!#AND THAT IS WHAT SHOULDVE HAPPENED NEXT#IK cómics don’t like to acknowledge that kinda trauma and shit#but something going deep into Tim’s mental state at the time and how he was impacted in daily and personal life#(bc instead of black characters being written out and ignored I’m choosing to believe tam distanced herself bc he was such a Dick)#Like that would’ve been craaaazy#like even tims lack luster reaction at seeing Kon in Paris after he was DEAD#And then later having the emotional reaction like he really kept that shit on the backburner#but noooo he’s so badass and a killer 🥺#anyways justice for the fox family#at least for Lucius like he and cyborg are in the same boat for me#where they’ve been around for so long and have been so important (cyborg on a waaaay wider scale)#that the fact that they don’t get their flowers in favor of making shit up for tim is SICK
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denethor is said to have been greatly affected by finduilas’ death, right. and i know their marriage was a political one but i like to believe that they still loved each other. not in the ‘traditional sense’ i guess but they loved each other’s spirits, their souls. the duty (as they viewed it) to protect their people & the willpower to do it, they both shared. and so i think that more precious than love, they understood each other perfectly. as no one else could, or did. i can’t stop thinking about denethor’s grief at losing her. to love someone, and to have them understand you, but to lose them so abruptly… no wonder denethor became embittered by her death. i think he became sad too. closed-off. built even more walls around him, not wanting to be seen as vulnerable by anyone. but his anger, at what (or whom), exactly? he already broke up with god when he was young. at the universe? at his fate? to have lost her so unfairly.
i came here to talk about their love & somewhere in the middle lost myself in his grief lol. never mind, bc what is grief if not love persevering????? they loved each other. i can’t. i CAN’T get over this simple truth. the love was there. it wouldn’t have been this tragic if there’s wasn’t. the love was there. and isn’t that enough (it isn’t. but it is. IT IS). the love was there. THE LOVE WAS. THERE. sobbing. truly sobbing DON’T TOUCH ME
#i’m spitballing here. but elbereth knows i spent hours in my bed thinking about them last night. i couldn’t sleep#i’m becoming so invested in them oh my god. ohmygod they’re making me c r a z y#wait. i was thinking abt how his relationship changed w his sons after this and waiiit. WAIT a minute#is this what writers feel like when inspiration strikes suddenly im going bonkers#there’s no connection between the next sentence and what i wrote till now. well there is but trust me on this one#my brain is moving too fast i don’t have time to be coherent#so listen. so it IS implied that faramir foresaw boromir’s coming. what if#what if DENETHOR dreamt of finduilas dying. i mean i’d rather he didn’t bc THEN there would be a lot of potential for angst and his self#destructive behaviour. what if denethor DIDN’T FORESEE HER DEATH. BUT WISHED THAT HE DID.#GOD. HIM WONDERING IF HE COULD HAVE SAVED HER. DONE SOMETHING SOONER TO PREVENT HER HEALTH FROM DETERIORATING#but no. nothing he could have done would have changed what happened. THAT’S WHY it’s a tragedy. but *he* doesn’t know that#denethor and finduilas#hmm.#DO U FEEL? DO U GET ME????????#denethor#finduilas
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oh i can already tell i’m about to have some really unpopular opinions about the edge of sleep tv show
#i remember everyone loving the podcast when it came out#but as someone who was an active fan of audio dramas and podcasts for years at that point the show just. made me frustrated#i realized later after listening to left right game that qcode has this very strange and almost uncanny production behind it#where they get incredibly famous actors to play characters and then bank their marketing on that alone#and the writing is always *almost* good. like sometimes you start to think you might actually be listening to a good show#bc i mean the audio quality and special effects are all stellar#but then the writing and acting is always just a little bit too over-the-top and dramatic for it to feel natural#like the writers don’t know how to portray emotion without visuals so they just make everything Way Too Intense#and each time it feels like they just ask ‘what’s the most insane thing that can happen next?’#’oh ok he’s gonna chop dave’s dick off’#and every time you start to actually like a character they say something misogynistic or just otherwise batshit fucking insane#not to mention that time in left right game where a girl confessed her love to her best friend before LITERALLY DYING FOR HER#only for the best friend in the next scene to be like ‘erm i’m not gay 😐 awkward…’ and she’s NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN#qcode productions are kinda like the fast fashion of fiction podcasts i think#they churn out so many so quickly and they always feel just slightly unnatural or superficial#not to mention when i tried looking into them years ago and it’s impossible to find#literally anything about them. like their minimalist ass website was so insanely insanely vague#and yet clearly they’ve gotta have a fuck ton of money backing them to have this absurd amount of a-list talent on board#(which really i think that is all they care about)#anyways yeah some markiplier fans are gonna get pissed at me for not kissing the ground he walks on. but i was one of you. i AM one of you#and i hate that somebody out there is holding the iron lung movie over us like we’re dogs and if we wanna watch it#we gotta watch this show. which BTW they are giving no details about where to watch it#and seemingly no promotion or marketing material for a show that’s been in production for years coming out in less than 3 weeks#just weird as fuck man. and i don’t even think mark has much to do with it
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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Hey, look guys, more art-
HOPE.
I’ve been wanting to draw him like this ever since I first saw him smile, but my will to draw eluded me until now! This started off as a doodle, so, please excuse the messiness. I drew this to de-stress.
“Fire” Red belongs to @creatively-cosmic. They have a blog called @themissingnumbers, which is really good! Go check it out if you want to see more.
[Sketch + Colored Version below the cut!]
#Not my greatest work but it’s what I made :)#Hope you don’t mind the lack in quality- haha#I’ve made better pieces#but I still like this one!#I feel like I’m getting better at drawing his hair lmao-#I just kinda messed around with this one but I really wanted to draw him smiling#Fire smiling makes me happy :)#He deserves to be happy#and I hope I can help him attain that happiness.#Even if my help is the equivalent of Baby Steps lmao#Gotta start somewhere!#I could not find the font used for the hidden text for the life of me#but I found a similar one!#Hope Starry and the Mods are doing well!#And I hope we get to see more Happy/Hopeful Fire in the future :)#His smile is precious-#(Bonus!: Y’know what I really wanna see? Red smiling. And not the creepy wide/crazy/manic smiles he usually has.#I mean a true honest-to-god genuine smile. Now THAT would be a sight for the history books. Red deserves to smile too.#Just like everyone else does.#That might be my next goal aside from befriending Leaf—getting Red to smile.#Is that probably going to be extremely difficult? Oh most definitely! But I think he’s worth the effort.)#(Bonus-Bonus!: I wanna give Red a hug so bad-#but I also feel like he’d bite me or something if I tried :(#Maybe he’d just let it happen? Or cry. Or both—who knows?#Red deserves some gentle treatment. He’s been through a lot too.)#I wonder who I’ll get the will to draw next? Hopefully I’ll do them justice!#Long ahh tags Jesus Christ- Didn’t know I could max them out.#Missing Numbers#Fire Red Yuuji#My Art
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[incoherent screaming about Exordia]
#the thing about it is that actually#much like Baru Cormorant#I don’t even particularly want to scream about any of the events#like it’s not Action Packed in the sense that I’m like OH MY GOD I CANNOT WAIT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT I HAVE THEORIES#like it has so far been Packed with Action#but Action like someone hitting you with a shovel#but like if you saw them with the shovel and you were like hm whatcha doing with that shovel#you know?#anyway I’m really into it#the worst thing is that earlier hunter and I were talking about something unrelated#and the phrase Philosophical Body Horror was used#and I had the though: you know actually I bet that’s a thing that’s going to kind of happen in the book#you know what I’ll even tag it#exordia#seth dickinson
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how did you make lilith? like what were the thoughts in her character creation process
oh the can of worms you’ve opened. I love you.
OKAY SO basically I needed a monster of the week character and I was tossing around a few variations on the same idea: trans character who is also either a monstrous character or a spooky (monster of the week playbook where you have magical abilities but also a mysterious dark side to your powers…) who gets effects of both mixed up. I ended up making her a spooky because I’d already played a monstrous before (Henry my beloved) and wanted to branch out.
SO that’s how Lilith started, and then I decided it’d be fun to have her special interest be magic and monsters and stuff, where she keeps a blog cataloguing everything she learns. this worked out well as a way for her to have met another character, her best friend Evelyn, because Evelyn works for an organization that would want to put a stop to that blogging thing. (Which Lilith begrudgingly did and instead switched to a very thorough journal AND talking to Evelyn about magic stuff 24/7).
I also ended up making her schizophrenic, because for a while I’ve been in my brain thinking about exploring what it’d be like to be schizophrenic in a world where a lot of the things that could be delusions or hallucinations are actually real, or caused by other magical things. like, I have mixed feelings on stories that’re like “woah, this character thought they were just having ordinary delusions and hallucinations but it was real and/or magically induced all along”, but I think having a character where some stuff is like that and other stuff isn’t related to magic at all and there’s a lot of struggle to differentiate between the two is COOL! Also I think it’s a bit funny in a magical world to have a character experiencing something going “woah… this is so magical and spooky” and then it’s just her experiencing symptoms of an ordinary thing. (also this adds an extra layer to the mixing up effects of things bit from being spooky and trans which started the whole thing).
I believe that was all the groundwork for her and then it was just a matter of fleshing things out. The other player character, Avalon, and her met because Avalon runs a sort of mobile magical clinic and Lilith needed help from that one time and then, upon realizing this was someone she could learn more about magic from, never left. Clerval is a character who’s dead at the start of the campaign but it’s important that all our characters knew them before—they basically just adopted Lilith as a friend with no hesitation when they noticed their was something spooky up with her.
Anyways, she loves magic she loves making friends she loves texting you random emojis that don’t communicate anything at all, she’s my world.
#OH also!#the way this campaign is set up there’s an ‘arc’ for each character#that focuses on part of their whole deal#right now we’re at the tail end of avalons after finishing Evelyn’s#so it’s lilith’s up next!!!!#which is exciting because I know it has to do with why she has these spooky magic abilities#this is what I know so far about that: she had hints of magic before#but it didn’t fully show up until she started hormones#and one time when she considered using reverse time magic to fix a broken arm (don’t worry about it ^_^)#she got this feeling that made it very clear her magic was completely against that idea#like it was antithetical to its nature or something…#ANYWAYS!!!!!#I love her she’s my world#this isn’t even getting into everything that’s happened since the campaign started almost a year ago#hannah talks sometimes#Lilith delta Byrne#fwends#asks
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my favourite part of season 5 is still the reveal that Gabriel and Tomoe thought Adrien and Kagami made the perfect pair and wanted them to be together because it completely flips their relationship
Kagami and Adrien sneaking around and finding the slightest gaps in their schedule and giving their bodyguards/parents the slip to spend time together and feeling so clever that they’ve gotten away with it their parents don’t suspect a thing
only to smashcut to Gabriel and Tomoe doing an evil pound it because their ship is canon
#miraculous ladybug#ml s5#gabriel agreste#tomoe tsurugi#adrien agreste#kagami tsurugi#it’s the illusion of free choice™#it was a very clever plan tbf like if they told them to date it would be awkward and forced. but put them in the same room together and see#what happens… let them think it was all their idea… boom success!#then the next step is saying ‘yes i only just found out you’ve been dating kagami and i have decided to give you my permission to date her-#what do you mean you broke up a month ago and your dating the baker girl who made a hat for me one time?’#on the flipside though it probably wouldn’t have worked out in the long run bc kagami likes the thrill of a secret forbidden romance like#that’s partially what drove her to felix imo so if tomoe said one day ‘it’s come to my attention you’re dating the agreste boy. i approve o#of this match and have organised a date for you two on friday.’ you Know kagami would immediately go#‘oh no.. okay um so now i’m kind of feeling that everything about him that was attractive to me before isn’t really there anymore…’#also on the flipside like looking at it on a more deeper/serious level like it just goes to show how much control tomoe and gabriel have o#er their kids to the point that they would be willing to manipulate them into a relationship and then when#the two of them tried and realised it wasn’t working. instead of admitting they don’t know their children as well as they think they do#or acknowledging that their children are actual people who have their own feelings that don’t always match their parents#or coming to terms that their children aren’t extensions of their legacy and will that they can puppet however they want#instead they say ‘okay we tried the hands off way now we’ll just have to force them’
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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shiu kong has no right to be so sexy & mysterious… if you see me writing a fic about him in the future……….. just know………. that’s MY man
#put me in a room w him and toji… oh you don’t wanna know what happens next#he’s so cool and sexy and alluring and his background is so??? LIKE AHHHHHHH#i already put my own background for him i just think it’s fascinating how he went from detective -> handler 😭#idk if i can write him well though bc :>#he makes me soooooo :3 shy#personal
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Odd John by Olaf Stapledon (1935) has to be THE most neurodivergent book I’ve ever read
#odd john#olaf stapledon#I’m working through my chronological list of sci fi classics#I need to know everything#did Olaf have an autistic child? was he autistic? this was before the modern concept of autism existed#odd john does murder someone so I feel the need to note that I don’t think nd people are dangerous that’s not what I’m saying#and also incest#but these may speak more to the cultural fear of the risks inherent upon people who aren’t tied by ‘normal’ human compunctions and norms#ie oh god our entire society will fall apart if people think for themselves and refuse to do things because of tradition and following crowd#^ not that this is the overall attitude of the book it’s very much not but i think it shows the way that this fear is there underneath#but you know that slippery slope argument of ‘if we don’t have x suddenly it will be CHAOS!’#and I haven’t finished the book so who knows what will happen next#I’ll report back
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been having dreams of a certain yt boy as of late
#not the same boy as last like this a different one#this one’s real#and the dream played out like a cute little wattpad story too😭#so basically the scenario was that we were next door neighbors#kind of like a boy next door/ childhood best friends trope yk?#anyways he had called me and we were just chatting it up on the phone#and he was sounding all happy and excited about whatever tf he was talking about which was cute asfff😭#so as we’re talking on the phone im like ‘ykw lemme pull up to his place bcs i miss my man’#but as im packing my bag about to head out the door#his mood does a complete 180#like he just starts sounding all depressed and shit#then ofc i start pressing him like ‘yo what happened r you okay??’#and he’s like ‘yeah😢 don’t come over anymore😞😞 i gotta go😕’ and hangs up on me#and im standing there like ‘oh no😱 my bestie/lifetime crush is upset😨 i gotta get to the bottom of this🧐’#so obviously i got over to his house anyway#and bitch💀#when i open the door to his room#tell me why i find this man crying over some damn JJK LEAKS😭😭#bro was sitting at the edge of his bed tearing up at a manga panel of GOJO#anyway i felt like there was something deeper that was making him upset but then i woke up so who knows#and yeah that was my dream last night#maybe it’s all a sign…#[wp]#wasteland faves👩🏿❤️💋👩🏿
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Honestly growing up is realizing that normal people don’t have to set timers to remember they’re cooking ramen… which notoriously only takes 3 minutes to cook… and maybe I do have adhd
#Trying to explain to my sister in law that I sometimes accidentally set a microwave time to 1 minute when I mean for it to be 20 seconds#and I go ‘oh it’s fine I will just stop it at 20 seconds’#but then in those 20 seconds /I then forget I’m cooking something/#bc my attention is drawn away#and next thing I know I’ve got a cookie that’s literally on fire in the center#and the way this is such a common thing for me#(not necessary w a cookie lol. But the cookie one has happened enough that I’ve legit set off multiple fire alarms w it)#Or yeah the fact that I p much /have/ to set a timer for pasta bc I will 100% forget I’m making pasta if I don’t#Or the literal HELLSCAPE that is laundry bc there’s so fucking many steps to it and it’s soooooo easy to forget it in the washing machine#I was just proofreading these Fucking tags and I forgot the word ‘forget’ in the one abt pasta#I laid out all my evidence that I’ve secretly squirreled away for 10 years to my sister in law#and she just went O.O yeah I don’t think you’re hallucinating it; this isn’t normal#and it was v validating#I just don’t want to seem like I’m saying it for clout or what the fuck ever but I’ve struggled with this my whole life#but on the other hand it’s no longer as big of a deal now that I’m not in school… school was bad.. I don’t know how I did so well#Bc mentally I fucking Drowned#idk if I really want or need to try and get a diagnosis or anything#Esp bc I’m sure that’s not even almost the worst thing wrong with me and I don’t want to open that can of worms#regardless man I wish I weren’t me <3 I fucking /suck/#lea speaks#vent
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Huhhhh I know defeating the king is going to be a fake ending based on posts I’ve read but I’m fighting him and I’m only on act 2/4??? To be fair 1 went quick so it may be imbalanced but it makes it seem like I have not gotten far with my multiple days of staying up way too late playing cause I have time now
#in stars and time#I should probably maintag my liveblogging incase the person I know is interested in the game doesn’t want spoilers#this is a post i made#like what’s happening in those other loops there’s only like 5 settings here and most of them are the castle#I’m also gonna do some theorizing/going insane in the tag’s instead of making another post#that country to the north that everyone forgot Has to be important right it spjvdoiveupb picks my brain#and that language that is stated multiple times exists but makes your head hurt has to be the language of that country and the openphrase fo#that one door has to be the name of it or something it’s gotta be it was my first thought upon seeing it#and also siffrins memory issues gotta be because they’re from that country also like can anyone hear me#oh also the kings do you remember is making me think he was the king of that country#(do not tell me about if these are talked about more I don’t want spoilers for once)#(man indie timeloop games and making me go insane theorizing. well db isn’t a game yet but)#also looking through the walkthrough huh wag the other bomb component is back at the start!?!?o(-( okay I guess I’m going far back next time
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