#oh what happens next? I DON’T KNOW!!
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
“how do you plot / plan your book?” very bold of you to assume i do that.
#i literally just make it up as i go!!#oh what happens next? I DON’T KNOW!!#writing#writer#creative writing#teen writer#author#writers on tumblr#story writing#author things#writeblr#writer stuff#book writing#bookblr#writing advice#writing prompt#on writing#writers#writer things#writers and poets#writerscommunity#writblr#female writers#author blog#author post#writing community#writing is my therapy#writing blog#writer problems#writing on tumblr
9K notes
·
View notes
Text
So after the last batch of Cyberverse sketches, I tried to do more here with Cyberverse Megatron specifically, since he kind of stuck himself in my brain, at least yesterday
Admittedly I wish I drew more, but by that last corner I just wasn’t sure what to draw. I actually did draw something, yet again trying to draw that one kissing meme thing with him and Optimus, but yet again it didn’t turn out right looking, so you don’t see it
But other than that, while I’m aware my drawings aren’t the best, I do think I’m at least getting the hang of drawing this version of Megatron. I’m aware his face is still off looking, but oh well
My only real thoughts for what to draw with him were “more of body”, “him thinking “oh no that’s hot” at something Optimus is doing”, “season 3 Megs” and “he drink coffee”. And also to attempt lineless
Note on that last thing, at least on the head, it’s not as difficult as I’d thought it’d be. I could probably do it, if I at least knew what I wanted to draw
I don’t really have much to say on the drawings themselves though? There isn’t much going on that I haven’t already said. All I can say is I tried to use screenshots for references more than usual, since I thought it’d help. I did stop at some point, but still
I don’t know how I feel about Cyberverse Megatron. I think he’s really only in my head because I was searching for Cyberverse megop fanfics after finishing the show
But also, he’s sort of your typical Megatron. An asshole, and usually the cause of alliances falling short and me saying “Megatron, you bitch”. Granted he’s not as evil as other Megatrons, at least most of the time, considering he was willing to destroy the AllSpark that one time, but it’s probably also because the Autobots and Decepticons have to team up so often in Seasons 2 and 3
But then there’s Season 3b Megatron, in which he has some adventure across the multiverse and comes back to help his universe, armed with his own Matrix and actually willing to save the day and have peace with Optimus and end the war, even if the planet is split in two. And at least in his initial appearance, he seems like he’s actually become at least a slightly better person
Like on one hand, I like this idea of him becoming better on his own time, and also we can just accept that maybe he’s become actually better since we don’t know what he was up to to cause this. But in the other, I really would have liked to see what he was up to. I guess they didn’t have enough time to show us
But yeah in 3b, he’s still an ass but he isn’t causing too much trouble, and is instead preparing for a worse threat to come, and then dies not as a villain, though he got taken out too quick to be called a hero in this scenario. Kind of disappointed he didn’t really get to do anything when the other Megatron showed up, would have been nice to see
But also I’m told that’s actually what kills him? He actually dies? I guess it is a more powerful version of him, but considering the other things other Megatrons have survived, and also we never really saw him die in the episode itself, considering he made noises of pain after being attacked and we just didn’t see him again after Bee took his Matrix, it feels kind of weak to me
I don’t know, his concepts in 3b are interesting to me
Also random side note, while I wasn’t expecting it, I appreciate his fusion cannon and mace having red lights instead of purple. I’m used to the purple but the red is consistent with the rest of his colors
Also there’s the subject of Cyberverse megop. It doesn’t have TFA’s issue of being strangers, in fact they seem to have known each other for a very long time and there’s no Elita or anything in this universe to be another past option for Optimus. And Megatron does do some bad things in this series, some worse than others, but also it seems like the characters of this show aren’t the most serious about this war, at least not like they are in Prime or something. Apparently every few millennia or so Optimus and Megatron try to have peace talks and negotiate, only for it to inevitably fall apart and things to start up again, and everyone’s just used to this
I think I can ship it, they have divorced energy and both sides are just used to it, including each other. They are in essence, the core values of typical megop I think, except they were actually on decent terms by the end of things, when Megatron dies. Sad that, why’d he have to die? At least make it heroic or something so he can go out with a bang
Yeah I don’t know, thought I should sprinkle in some thoughts on this version of Megatron while I’m here. I don’t have much honestly other than I think he’s fine and neat, and so is this version of the ship
I think I’m done now
#I’m realizing I kept forgetting his fusion cannon#this always happens when I draw Megatron I swear#oh well#I guess Optimus up next? I don’t really know#I should probably draw them doing stuff as well#still need to work out what I want to draw characters doing though#transformers#transformers cyberverse#megatron#my art
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
#i thought this style was very cute#it started snowing at the campsite this morning :(#and then i got booted as i was going to change my outfit. oh well#i preordered the complete edition but now i’m second guessing myself bc what if i get a new phone in the next 6 months#i remember when the app was first released my phone was too old to update to the OS that would run it rip#don’t want that to happen again. although i can still get iOS updates for now#i know any new save data will not carry over#mine#animal crossing
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
“A Little Chaos,” Moon Knight Annual (Vol. 5/2024), #1.
Writer: Dan Watters; Penciler and Inker: Marco Renna; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit
#Marvel#Marvel comics#Marvel 616#Moon Knight Annual#Moon Knight Annual vol. 5#Moon Knight Annual 2024#Moon Knight comics#latest release#Moon Knight#Marc Spector#Jake Lockley#Steven Grant#Colleen Wing#Khonshu#there’s SO much I love here I don’t know where to begin so I’ll go chronologically EXCEPT#Joke’s on you Nightmare you just stuck your hand down the garbage disposal#but in other news «Ms. Wing» he’s so polite#and alshsksh «little god botherer»#Mr. Knight should get «professional god botherer» put on his business card#it’ll have everyone reenacting that one scene from American Psycho hahaha#big fan also of Marc being so entirely unimpressed by Nightmare#not only is he not the scariest malicious entity to try and trespass in Marc’s brainpan but Marc knows exactly what is going to happen next#because JAKE AND STEVEN JAKE AND STEVEN JAKE AND STEVEN LET’S GOOO#(and even a Frenchie mention!!!! RAAAAAAH 🗣️🗣️🗣️)#(and Steven???? with the garrote??? I’m so proud oh my gosh?)#love the insinuation that Nightmare ranks below even SERE school/psyop training in terms of «how likely it is to mess with#this particular mind» let alone Khonshu#and I’m fascinated by this discussion of how that old quality of Marc chasing thrills and danger#(something I recall being discussed more in the first volume) is actually something that’s shared across all three of the guys#just in different manifestations (a gamble of finances is still a form of gambling particularly when they’re ill-gotten gains)
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
i swear to god since i became immunocompromised everyone i know started getting sick all the time
#marzi speaks#i know some of it is just. i’m paying closer attention than i was before#but like. my roommates had the flu when i moved in#they’re sick with something else now. maybe food poisoning maybe something contagious?#so i’ve spent like 44% of my time living here masked up when i leave my room lmao#and now friends that i don’t live with are getting sick. everyone is throwing up#what’s happening. why are there like 4 epidemics going on#norovirus listeria avian flu what’s next . What Is Next#oh yeah a lot of folks got walking pneumonia too#like am i crazy or are more people getting sick more frequently
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
IM FREEEEEE
#(FROM PROJECTS)#personal#the engineering chronicles#WILL HOPEFULLY NEVER NEED TO SLEEP THREE NIGHTS ON THE FLOOR OF THE ENGINEERING BUILDING AGAIN!!!#one class the final project was to build a karaoke machine which my partner and i had planned on making look like actual speakers and#microphone but we couldn’t find the stuff in time and her mom made a joke abt singing into hairbrushes and we decided to take that and#run lol we used a pink sparkly makeup box to store our circuit and cut out holes for the speakers and decorated it with makeup and put the#hairbrush mics inside and it was very fun actually and our class voted us as one of the groups to go to project day which was pretty cool!!#project day did get canceled bc of. asnow day which was unfortunate especially considering we stayed up until 4am the night before#preparing our documents for it and trying to perfect the karaoke machine when we could have been putting that time toward project number#2 😐 but whatever we still get our extra credit and i can say i qualified for it so im happy enough#then project 2 was for another class but we’re lab partners in both (+ another guy for this project) and it was digital monster pet so we#made a dragon i was mostly on design so i hand CADed the whole thing which was living hell if i never want to lay eyes on solidworks#again but also he came out very cute after MUCH hasle putting him together with all the wires and components bc our wires from the kit are#so bad they’re constantly getting disconnected from each other which we didn’t know would happen bc the labs we usually do we don’t have to#connect them together like that since you’re not routing them thru bodies etc and they’ve worked great until now but anywya.#i did the lcd faces and the light sensor and a couple other things + a lot of the code was copy and paste from past labs and fitting it to#suit the project but for the most part it was a shit ton of hardware on my end while she and the other guy managed the rest of the code#which i really wish i could have been more involved with but oh well. as it is though he’s my baby i birthed him <3 we’re planning on#meeting up over weekends next semester to change some stuff and add other extra features that we missed we got a decent grade 85% but we#all agreed we don’t want to leave him like this we want to add the extra features we had come up with and also i think we should switch out#our motors for servos bc the motors we were required to use#instead suck they’re not strong at all compared to what a servo can do for you. also we want to make it so you can not only pet him which w#already have with light sensors but also wash him with a Hall effect sensor and magnet so like we’d stick the sensor inside and the magnet#inside a little cad brush or sponge is what im envisioning and i have an expression in mind for what we’d do then. also paint him and#redesign the platform he stands on bc it’s rlly cramped and also make a pcb bc we only have him with the microcontroller and breadboards rn#and i might mess with his face piece a bit too im not sure. oh and speakers!!! those were technically a requirement but we didn’t get them#done on time but i want to make him play music sooooo bad so definitely that. anyway want to be more involved in the software when we do#all this. pretty excited actually :]
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
denethor is said to have been greatly affected by finduilas’ death, right. and i know their marriage was a political one but i like to believe that they still loved each other. not in the ‘traditional sense’ i guess but they loved each other’s spirits, their souls. the duty (as they viewed it) to protect their people & the willpower to do it, they both shared. and so i think that more precious than love, they understood each other perfectly. as no one else could, or did. i can’t stop thinking about denethor’s grief at losing her. to love someone, and to have them understand you, but to lose them so abruptly… no wonder denethor became embittered by her death. i think he became sad too. closed-off. built even more walls around him, not wanting to be seen as vulnerable by anyone. but his anger, at what (or whom), exactly? he already broke up with god when he was young. at the universe? at his fate? to have lost her so unfairly.
i came here to talk about their love & somewhere in the middle lost myself in his grief lol. never mind, bc what is grief if not love persevering????? they loved each other. i can’t. i CAN’T get over this simple truth. the love was there. it wouldn’t have been this tragic if there’s wasn’t. the love was there. and isn’t that enough (it isn’t. but it is. IT IS). the love was there. THE LOVE WAS. THERE. sobbing. truly sobbing DON’T TOUCH ME
#i’m spitballing here. but elbereth knows i spent hours in my bed thinking about them last night. i couldn’t sleep#i’m becoming so invested in them oh my god. ohmygod they’re making me c r a z y#wait. i was thinking abt how his relationship changed w his sons after this and waiiit. WAIT a minute#is this what writers feel like when inspiration strikes suddenly im going bonkers#there’s no connection between the next sentence and what i wrote till now. well there is but trust me on this one#my brain is moving too fast i don’t have time to be coherent#so listen. so it IS implied that faramir foresaw boromir’s coming. what if#what if DENETHOR dreamt of finduilas dying. i mean i’d rather he didn’t bc THEN there would be a lot of potential for angst and his self#destructive behaviour. what if denethor DIDN’T FORESEE HER DEATH. BUT WISHED THAT HE DID.#GOD. HIM WONDERING IF HE COULD HAVE SAVED HER. DONE SOMETHING SOONER TO PREVENT HER HEALTH FROM DETERIORATING#but no. nothing he could have done would have changed what happened. THAT’S WHY it’s a tragedy. but *he* doesn’t know that#denethor and finduilas#hmm.#DO U FEEL? DO U GET ME????????#denethor#finduilas
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh i can already tell i’m about to have some really unpopular opinions about the edge of sleep tv show
#i remember everyone loving the podcast when it came out#but as someone who was an active fan of audio dramas and podcasts for years at that point the show just. made me frustrated#i realized later after listening to left right game that qcode has this very strange and almost uncanny production behind it#where they get incredibly famous actors to play characters and then bank their marketing on that alone#and the writing is always *almost* good. like sometimes you start to think you might actually be listening to a good show#bc i mean the audio quality and special effects are all stellar#but then the writing and acting is always just a little bit too over-the-top and dramatic for it to feel natural#like the writers don’t know how to portray emotion without visuals so they just make everything Way Too Intense#and each time it feels like they just ask ‘what’s the most insane thing that can happen next?’#’oh ok he’s gonna chop dave’s dick off’#and every time you start to actually like a character they say something misogynistic or just otherwise batshit fucking insane#not to mention that time in left right game where a girl confessed her love to her best friend before LITERALLY DYING FOR HER#only for the best friend in the next scene to be like ‘erm i’m not gay 😐 awkward…’ and she’s NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN#qcode productions are kinda like the fast fashion of fiction podcasts i think#they churn out so many so quickly and they always feel just slightly unnatural or superficial#not to mention when i tried looking into them years ago and it’s impossible to find#literally anything about them. like their minimalist ass website was so insanely insanely vague#and yet clearly they’ve gotta have a fuck ton of money backing them to have this absurd amount of a-list talent on board#(which really i think that is all they care about)#anyways yeah some markiplier fans are gonna get pissed at me for not kissing the ground he walks on. but i was one of you. i AM one of you#and i hate that somebody out there is holding the iron lung movie over us like we’re dogs and if we wanna watch it#we gotta watch this show. which BTW they are giving no details about where to watch it#and seemingly no promotion or marketing material for a show that’s been in production for years coming out in less than 3 weeks#just weird as fuck man. and i don’t even think mark has much to do with it
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey, look guys, more art-
HOPE.
I’ve been wanting to draw him like this ever since I first saw him smile, but my will to draw eluded me until now! This started off as a doodle, so, please excuse the messiness. I drew this to de-stress.
“Fire” Red belongs to @creatively-cosmic. They have a blog called @themissingnumbers, which is really good! Go check it out if you want to see more.
[Sketch + Colored Version below the cut!]
#Not my greatest work but it’s what I made :)#Hope you don’t mind the lack in quality- haha#I’ve made better pieces#but I still like this one!#I feel like I’m getting better at drawing his hair lmao-#I just kinda messed around with this one but I really wanted to draw him smiling#Fire smiling makes me happy :)#He deserves to be happy#and I hope I can help him attain that happiness.#Even if my help is the equivalent of Baby Steps lmao#Gotta start somewhere!#I could not find the font used for the hidden text for the life of me#but I found a similar one!#Hope Starry and the Mods are doing well!#And I hope we get to see more Happy/Hopeful Fire in the future :)#His smile is precious-#(Bonus!: Y’know what I really wanna see? Red smiling. And not the creepy wide/crazy/manic smiles he usually has.#I mean a true honest-to-god genuine smile. Now THAT would be a sight for the history books. Red deserves to smile too.#Just like everyone else does.#That might be my next goal aside from befriending Leaf—getting Red to smile.#Is that probably going to be extremely difficult? Oh most definitely! But I think he’s worth the effort.)#(Bonus-Bonus!: I wanna give Red a hug so bad-#but I also feel like he’d bite me or something if I tried :(#Maybe he’d just let it happen? Or cry. Or both—who knows?#Red deserves some gentle treatment. He’s been through a lot too.)#I wonder who I’ll get the will to draw next? Hopefully I’ll do them justice!#Long ahh tags Jesus Christ- Didn’t know I could max them out.#Missing Numbers#Fire Red Yuuji#My Art
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
[incoherent screaming about Exordia]
#the thing about it is that actually#much like Baru Cormorant#I don’t even particularly want to scream about any of the events#like it’s not Action Packed in the sense that I’m like OH MY GOD I CANNOT WAIT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT I HAVE THEORIES#like it has so far been Packed with Action#but Action like someone hitting you with a shovel#but like if you saw them with the shovel and you were like hm whatcha doing with that shovel#you know?#anyway I’m really into it#the worst thing is that earlier hunter and I were talking about something unrelated#and the phrase Philosophical Body Horror was used#and I had the though: you know actually I bet that’s a thing that’s going to kind of happen in the book#you know what I’ll even tag it#exordia#seth dickinson
14 notes
·
View notes
Note
how did you make lilith? like what were the thoughts in her character creation process
oh the can of worms you’ve opened. I love you.
OKAY SO basically I needed a monster of the week character and I was tossing around a few variations on the same idea: trans character who is also either a monstrous character or a spooky (monster of the week playbook where you have magical abilities but also a mysterious dark side to your powers…) who gets effects of both mixed up. I ended up making her a spooky because I’d already played a monstrous before (Henry my beloved) and wanted to branch out.
SO that’s how Lilith started, and then I decided it’d be fun to have her special interest be magic and monsters and stuff, where she keeps a blog cataloguing everything she learns. this worked out well as a way for her to have met another character, her best friend Evelyn, because Evelyn works for an organization that would want to put a stop to that blogging thing. (Which Lilith begrudgingly did and instead switched to a very thorough journal AND talking to Evelyn about magic stuff 24/7).
I also ended up making her schizophrenic, because for a while I’ve been in my brain thinking about exploring what it’d be like to be schizophrenic in a world where a lot of the things that could be delusions or hallucinations are actually real, or caused by other magical things. like, I have mixed feelings on stories that’re like “woah, this character thought they were just having ordinary delusions and hallucinations but it was real and/or magically induced all along”, but I think having a character where some stuff is like that and other stuff isn’t related to magic at all and there’s a lot of struggle to differentiate between the two is COOL! Also I think it’s a bit funny in a magical world to have a character experiencing something going “woah… this is so magical and spooky” and then it’s just her experiencing symptoms of an ordinary thing. (also this adds an extra layer to the mixing up effects of things bit from being spooky and trans which started the whole thing).
I believe that was all the groundwork for her and then it was just a matter of fleshing things out. The other player character, Avalon, and her met because Avalon runs a sort of mobile magical clinic and Lilith needed help from that one time and then, upon realizing this was someone she could learn more about magic from, never left. Clerval is a character who’s dead at the start of the campaign but it’s important that all our characters knew them before—they basically just adopted Lilith as a friend with no hesitation when they noticed their was something spooky up with her.
Anyways, she loves magic she loves making friends she loves texting you random emojis that don’t communicate anything at all, she’s my world.
#OH also!#the way this campaign is set up there’s an ‘arc’ for each character#that focuses on part of their whole deal#right now we’re at the tail end of avalons after finishing Evelyn’s#so it’s lilith’s up next!!!!#which is exciting because I know it has to do with why she has these spooky magic abilities#this is what I know so far about that: she had hints of magic before#but it didn’t fully show up until she started hormones#and one time when she considered using reverse time magic to fix a broken arm (don’t worry about it ^_^)#she got this feeling that made it very clear her magic was completely against that idea#like it was antithetical to its nature or something…#ANYWAYS!!!!!#I love her she’s my world#this isn’t even getting into everything that’s happened since the campaign started almost a year ago#hannah talks sometimes#Lilith delta Byrne#fwends#asks
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
my favourite part of season 5 is still the reveal that Gabriel and Tomoe thought Adrien and Kagami made the perfect pair and wanted them to be together because it completely flips their relationship
Kagami and Adrien sneaking around and finding the slightest gaps in their schedule and giving their bodyguards/parents the slip to spend time together and feeling so clever that they’ve gotten away with it their parents don’t suspect a thing
only to smashcut to Gabriel and Tomoe doing an evil pound it because their ship is canon
#miraculous ladybug#ml s5#gabriel agreste#tomoe tsurugi#adrien agreste#kagami tsurugi#it’s the illusion of free choice™#it was a very clever plan tbf like if they told them to date it would be awkward and forced. but put them in the same room together and see#what happens… let them think it was all their idea… boom success!#then the next step is saying ‘yes i only just found out you’ve been dating kagami and i have decided to give you my permission to date her-#what do you mean you broke up a month ago and your dating the baker girl who made a hat for me one time?’#on the flipside though it probably wouldn’t have worked out in the long run bc kagami likes the thrill of a secret forbidden romance like#that’s partially what drove her to felix imo so if tomoe said one day ‘it’s come to my attention you’re dating the agreste boy. i approve o#of this match and have organised a date for you two on friday.’ you Know kagami would immediately go#‘oh no.. okay um so now i’m kind of feeling that everything about him that was attractive to me before isn’t really there anymore…’#also on the flipside like looking at it on a more deeper/serious level like it just goes to show how much control tomoe and gabriel have o#er their kids to the point that they would be willing to manipulate them into a relationship and then when#the two of them tried and realised it wasn’t working. instead of admitting they don’t know their children as well as they think they do#or acknowledging that their children are actual people who have their own feelings that don’t always match their parents#or coming to terms that their children aren’t extensions of their legacy and will that they can puppet however they want#instead they say ‘okay we tried the hands off way now we’ll just have to force them’
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
shiu kong has no right to be so sexy & mysterious… if you see me writing a fic about him in the future……….. just know………. that’s MY man
#put me in a room w him and toji… oh you don’t wanna know what happens next#he’s so cool and sexy and alluring and his background is so??? LIKE AHHHHHHH#i already put my own background for him i just think it’s fascinating how he went from detective -> handler 😭#idk if i can write him well though bc :>#he makes me soooooo :3 shy#personal
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
been having dreams of a certain yt boy as of late
#not the same boy as last like this a different one#this one’s real#and the dream played out like a cute little wattpad story too😭#so basically the scenario was that we were next door neighbors#kind of like a boy next door/ childhood best friends trope yk?#anyways he had called me and we were just chatting it up on the phone#and he was sounding all happy and excited about whatever tf he was talking about which was cute asfff😭#so as we’re talking on the phone im like ‘ykw lemme pull up to his place bcs i miss my man’#but as im packing my bag about to head out the door#his mood does a complete 180#like he just starts sounding all depressed and shit#then ofc i start pressing him like ‘yo what happened r you okay??’#and he’s like ‘yeah😢 don’t come over anymore😞😞 i gotta go😕’ and hangs up on me#and im standing there like ‘oh no😱 my bestie/lifetime crush is upset😨 i gotta get to the bottom of this🧐’#so obviously i got over to his house anyway#and bitch💀#when i open the door to his room#tell me why i find this man crying over some damn JJK LEAKS😭😭#bro was sitting at the edge of his bed tearing up at a manga panel of GOJO#anyway i felt like there was something deeper that was making him upset but then i woke up so who knows#and yeah that was my dream last night#maybe it’s all a sign…#[wp]#wasteland faves👩🏿❤️💋👩🏿
8 notes
·
View notes