#like am i crazy or are more people getting sick more frequently

[mars-ipan]

i swear to god since i became immunocompromised everyone i know started getting sick all the time

[tarotwithdanise]

YOUR LIFE AS SOMEONE WHO IS WELL KNOWN.

⊹ Yow! This is "tarotbook" official website 🤣. Don't mind my edit, I know it's not perfect but for me it's freaking beautiful and aesthetically pleasing 😭

༉ ‧ ₊ ˚ how to choose pile? ✧ . ˚

꒰⠀from left to right ; intuitively choose the pile your mind, heart and soul desire for. if you are having trouble choosing the right pile for you, here’s some tips you can do ; (1) take a deep breath (2) close your eyes (3) ask guidance from your guides (4) finally open your eyes and you can choose the right pile for you by the guidance you ask from your guides. if you are still having trouble by choosing the right pile for you let me know because i am willing to help and guide you.

1 - 2 - 3 - 4

rules, disclaimer and notes ☆

𔓘 Just a quick disclaimer : this reading was made for entertainment purposes only. this is obviously a general reading so takes what resonates and leave when it doesn’t, you don’t need to force your energy to read this and leave such a bad comment just to say it doesn’t resonates with you at all because the answer is very obvious! i don’t own any these pictures i collected them from pinterest so credits to the rightful owners.

𔓘 please ignore any grammatical errors on my reading since english is not my first language, thank you for understanding!

𔓘 Third to the last one, if you are not an avid fan of this kind of readings and not totally 100% agree about the outcome of this pac please just ignore this post and don’t engaged anymore, this pac can contains harsh, hurtful comments about you or the other person that can trigger you if possible, so kindly read at your own risk and take how it’ll resonates.

𔓘 Lastly, be happy and enjoy reading my works — feedbacks, comments, likes, reblogs and follows are really appreciated by the reader. (that’s me, lol :3)

for tips, donation, masterlist and paid readings ☆

TIPS JAR DONATION BOX

PAID READING SERVICES. MASTERLIST

[ .☽༊˚ ] check out my second account @danisetarot for more pick-a-cards/pick-a-pile updates!

SOURCE AND OTHER CREDITABLE : All of the pictures are collected and downloaded from pinterest , I don’t own any of them but credits goes to the rightful owners however edits and reading itself goes and belong to yours truly. I use the editor tools canva, polarr and ibispaint for the header, divider and piles pictures.

PILE ONE - THE STAR

If you will be someone who is well known individual, you probably someone who is an actor at the same time a singer slash model. You will be gifted with incredible voice, beauty and acting skills. Especially that you seems bewitched other people with the charm you have. You likely be an inspiration of many people and so, the warmth of sun and you stole the elegance of CHANEL brand which will be tied to you since you were born. Apparently, not all people will like you especially there's one of your circle is a stalking horse, a predator. Having this kind position of life will not be easy for you because you can frequently get sick which make sense since you have a busy and exhausted schedule and so, this crazy ‘so’ called fans and paparazzi's are following you everywhere which makes you feel disappointed, unhappy and wanted to give up with this kind of life and career. As well, I see here that you are all in one package person for many managements. Many brands and opportunities will be on knocking on your door, they want to have a collaboration with you. You will be one of those unforgettable social media sensation, the fame and popularity you have will be spread quickly as the years and months goes by. There's a high chances that you will be name by many magazines and newspapers as an overnight ‘world-wide phenomenon star’. While behind the scenes and, you likely attract many secret admirers from the field you have ; there's a lot of people who wanted to win your heart but you are looking for someone who is unique, authentic and natural person.

Similar stars : IU, Zendaya, Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez, Marilyn Monroe, Ariana Grande, Selena Gomez, Hailee Steinfeld, Elvis Presley, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Swift and BTS's Jungkook.

Thank you so much for reading my work, let me know your thoughts, feedbacks as well tipping and reblogs is well appreciated. Tipping jar is already mentioned above of this post !! ♡

࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚ 𝓞 ops you already reached the end. ࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚

PILE TWO - THE WRITER, AUTHOR AND PSYCHIC

I can safely say that you are a writer or an author if you will be a well known individual especially the first card on the spread is the hermit followed by the high priestess then the moon. And just wow, you really have a high potential to be one, just in case if you are planning to start writing a book maybe this is a sign. You have a full wisdom and you never stops learning and you always expanding this knowledge. I see people perceive you as a very mysterious individual, they wanted to know you more deeper but you only shows few to the public, it seems you putting the limit. Thus, this is the reason why you have many supporters, they know you respect yourself and so they make sure that they won't bother your personal space. You will create a healthy relationships with them and you will create a peaceful community. You think that you hold the power and so you take the responsibility to spread this kind of classiness as well that the way you writes in can lift up and inspired other people. While, if you are someone who have a great intuition level and spiritual ability like a psychic. You can be well-known in such spiritual and tarot community. A lot of people will be following your social media accounts and there's a high chances you can achieve this in a small period of time, you will attract many people because of how excellent your ability is, in a fast period time you will be the center of attraction. Everyone on this kind of community wanted a closure with you and be your friends but just advice from me, you need to be careful whom you trust and befriended with because as I see here not all of them will have pure and clear intentions towards you, 2-3 people is having a feeling of envy, hate or dislike you and wants you to go down with the thrown you are owning but I don't think they can harm you because you are very witty individual, you are likely to ignore them rather than to deal them because you might be thinking it would be just a waste of time. But yeah, people will praise and love your works and it will be hard for them to let you go. These people will probably perceiving you as kind, gentle and light individual. They will be fall with the energy you have, the words you were having it can help people to find the right and healing path, it just, it will leave a positive mark to them. The Leo, Scorpio, Virgo, Aquarius, Libra and Sagittarius placements are prominent in your chart but it doesn't have to be if you don't have any. Additional message here, one of major issues you are facing right needs an attention and solution, you maybe seeing multiple angel numbers currently especially 1111, the angels wants you to take the first step.

Similar stars : William Shakespeare, J.K Rowling and Jane Austen while from tumblr ; amourdivine, thedivineart, azure-cherie, sunkissedchld, saturianprincess, neptunes-sol-angel, infipretty, the-wild-candy, pearl-tarotist, psychelis-new, ariesluvz, galene-gothic, royaleofury. (I have more to mention but it will be long if I will put them all, sorry. And I don't usually checking these accounts I just wanted to write them out here because they have an attractive energy for me.)

Thank you so much for reading my work, let me know your thoughts, feedbacks as well tipping and reblogs is well appreciated. Tipping jar is already mentioned above of this post !! ♡

࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚ 𝓞 ops you already reached the end. ࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚

PILE THREE - THE ENTREPRENEUR/BUSINESS PERSON

You will be known the field of entrepreneurship and business world. You have a creative and unique tactics that can drawn people attention to your products you were selling. You will be named of one of those people who are great and big in this kind of profession. Many people especially your loved ones will see how you become bigger person as this business grows, like from business into company. You will be powerful individual, you and the brand you make will be discussed with many people online and maybe it can go get viral. You will sweet and lovely individual for other's and for your customers. You will get invited in many awards and people will name your products as one of the best. The products you were making are very authentic, amazing and surreal, people will usually love it and they may buy bulks from you or if not, they probably recommend it to other's. It seems like you can create from nothing into something where it can lead you to a successful and rich life. The Cancer, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Aries, Capricorn, Aquarius and Pieces placements are prominent in your chart but it doesn't have to be if you don't have any.

Similar stars : Rihanna, Jack Ma, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, Ariana Grande, Selena Gomez, Kylie Jenner, Elon Musk and Kim Kardashian.

Thank you so much for reading my work, let me know your thoughts, feedbacks as well tipping and reblogs is well appreciated. Tipping jar is already mentioned above of this post !! ♡

࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚ 𝓞 ops you already reached the end. ࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚

PILE FOUR - THE ROYAL ONE

If you will be well known individual you probably someone who is in a high class, a lot of people respect and protect you because anytime your life can be in danger. You have power, firm and structured person. As the emperor card being present here on your spread, you will bring stability to people perhaps all of that, this also means you are taking the accountability and responsibility as a member of a royal family. You will gain the financial stability benefits and so you will be influential this is one of the reason why you choose to practice and check your words in mind before you speak. You taking the public and nation duties. Your movements will be always watched by many. You were be love by many people, they think you are sweet, serious and intelligent. Despite all of this, you are not free to choose what love you want for yourself ; most likely you were get engaged to another royal family member. You will be a legend in this field, probably someone who will break the norm.

Similar stars : Princess Diana, Queen Elizabeth I, Queen Elizabeth II, Princess Leonor and Prince Harry.

Thank you so much for reading my work, let me know your thoughts, feedbacks as well tipping and reblogs is well appreciated. Tipping jar is already mentioned above of this post !! ♡

࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚ 𝓞 ops you already reached the end. ࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚࿙‌֒࿚

© daninixx ── all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, alter, or repost my work.

[lalalian]

futuristic dr ideas pt.1 : jobs

date: march 24, 2024 (technically march 25, it's 2 AM rn)

If you're interested in more futuristic dr things, I posted a video on tiktok with more futuristic stuff

A lot of this stuff is inspired the things I've read in cyberprep books!

disclaimer: none of my ideas are made by AI, sometimes I may be aided by AI to get inspired (especially with civilizations). If I do use AI somewhere in my ideas I’ll be sure to let you guys know!

World Acclimatizer

Also known as an ‘Acclimaitzer’

These help people move to other planets by aiding them in adapting to either living in space or living on different planets. World Acclimatizers often work closely with primary care doctors, and are extremely well-versed in non-earthly sicknesses and the effects space has on the human body. Realtors from other planets will always refer their clients to an Acclimatizer if the house is located on another planet.

Planetary Humanitarian

Planetary Humanitarians promote natural and peaceful development in other planets. These people typically advocate for limited human interaction with other life, some even going as far as to never stepping off earth. Planetary Humanitarians tend to dislike Civilization Examiners.

Cybernaut

Cybernauts work with techspace (technology relating to space) engineers to test out products. These people are often pretty popular in the media sphere because, as I mentioned earlier, many engineers are inclined to sponsor them. Cybernauts can frequently be seen in AR Gaming hubs and Cyber parkour arenas (more about those in the tiktok linked to this post)

Cybernetic Designer

Cybernetic body parts are designed by these people. These parts are not designed to look realistic like the prosthetic parts we see today. Most designers specialize in a body part, the most popular one being the left arm. Cybernetic designers are not licensed in creating full body AI androids, but they can create parts for androids.

Android Engineer

Android Engineers obviously do have some sort of license to make androids, but there are different tiers to an android making license:

Limited 2D Design: Very similar to character ai or j.ai bots, these bots do not have a physical form and can only be spoken to through text. They may have voices or a 2D body.

AR Immersive Experience: Like love and deepspace but with AR, you can feel, hear, and taste the android only through AR goggles. Some android engineers make their own goggles to allow their customers to feel a more personalized experience with new features. Why is this a completely different tier from 2D design? There's more room for corruption both mentally and digitally (hacking). The AI that makes the bots act so human can make the bot become too sentient, which could make them want to break free from the simulation.

Small Non-Human Physical Design: Most people with this license make android pets. Dogs are obviously the most popular, but jelly fish and vampire squids are popular these days. This license requires more training than the AR experience degree because these androids exist in the physical world.

Non-Human Physical Design: Designers with this license are not always involved in the abstract or purely artistic sphere. Many make hyper realistic android animals to blend in with the environment to either monitor species development, observe other planet-life in a non-invasive way, or encourage certain behaviors in animals. Even if the creature is not considered large, designers who plan to enter this field of design must earn this license because of this job requires complex AI design and ultra realistic visuals.

Non-Interactive Human Design: Designers with this tier do not create androids with crazy complex AI models. These androids are often displayed in museums, and are no where near sentient enough to even speak outside of a few lines, if that.

Life-like Interactive Human Design: This is the highest tier. People with this license often advocate for equality amongst humans and androids. Anyone with this license should exercise caution when making their androids, as talented designers can make androids that are so indistinguishable from humans that they become acknowledged as civilians rather than 'product'. Reports against designers with these license are taken extremely seriously.

Civilization Examiners

I'm planning to have a DR with this job kekekeke. I'll tell y'all storytimes if I can get myself to focus on shifting instead of scripting 😞

There's two kinds of civilization examiners: public or non-public. Public examiners assist journalists and researchers after living for days, weeks, months, or even years on a different planet. They collect data like plants, animals, environmental samples, and most importantly, get as much information as possible about other civilizations. Civilization Examiners are required to be at least semi- decent artists because they need to be able to draw what they see. They are required to come back with information about the civilization's culture, religious customs, traditions, language, fashion, appearance, parenting style, government, and more importantly, alliance potential.

edit: I forgot to talk abt non-public examiners 😭 non-public examiners work for the government and are apart of the CIA. Public examiners research about alliance potential, but not nearly as intensely as gov examiners.

istg more shifters need to talk about their futuristic drs :(

[nothums-from-tj]

Returning to my series of “barely anyone else cares abt this ship that I’m crying over so I’m gonna make a post abt them myself”: Mordeson edition

If you don’t like the ship please just fuckin scroll I don’t need anyone clowning today thnx

I have so many things I want to write and draw however I am so overwhelmed so I’m spewing my nonsense onto Tumblr to feed the like 3 people paying attention to these dorks <3 for the most part here are just like tiny little hcs/moments/ideas of them that have infected my brain. Cut provided to make it not unbelievably long for the rest of my followers

Categories: headcanons, ideas, “cutaways” (basically my iterations of what happens post-episode endings or in the midst of flashbacks/stories, between scenes, etc.)

I’d also like to thank @mushtoons for letting me yap abt them in DMs/on Discord, some of these in which I’m copy/pasting from my side of conversations with them <3

Headcanons:

-Mordecai sometimes patches up Benson’s hand(s) after usually breaking it by punching something out of anger on varying occasions

-the way they likely comforted one another during the Margaret, CJ, and Audrey heartbreaks with Benson probably gave Mordecai harder/grosser jobs to keep his mind off things and Mordecai gave Benson excuses to head home late to lessen the chances of bumping into Audrey

-the car radio along with show/movie nights consist of more bickering than watching/listening to anything

-Benson is the Worst backseat driver and Mordecai has to try to politely tell him he’s going to lose his mind if he tells him where to make the correct turn to both of their place of work; that said, for both of their sanity, Benson usually drives when they’re together

-there are days where Mordo has to literally force Benson to stay home bc he's either so sick he can hardly stand, so overwhelmed he can't think, or is in so much pain his body is practically crumbling beneath him

-sometimes when Benson gets reeeally into a beat, drumming on the steering wheel or a pen against his clipboard or something of the sort, Mordecai will try to start singing along to it so he’ll remember it for practice or whatever

-he has thrown hands over people trashing Benson behind his back

-and he has to semi-frequently talk/hold Benson out of a self-deprecating spiral

-Mordecai's parents absolutely adore Benson and were some of the first people to say "so when's the wedding!!!!" when first introducing him as his bf

-the opposite happened when Benson introduced Mordecai to his parents; I’d say his parents got divorced when he was young and his mom was kinda chill though his dad was kinda passive aggressive and just didn’t really put in a lot of heart, though Mordecai learned a lot more abt him from his dad than his mom

-Mordecai is the first to say “I love you” and Benson bawls on the spot

-Mordecai draws/doodles Benson during meetings/assignments when he starts to develop feelings for him

-Mordecai gets crazy flustered at pet names bc he doesn’t expect them whatsoever; he’s always been the one giving them rather than receiving, though he always appreciates them

-Benson is also crazy touch starved while Mordecai can be pretty jealous so usually in public they’re always seen touching in some way; one leg over the other when sitting, handholding when walking, an arm around the other’s waist/shoulders, etc.

-they prob hooked up at least 1 (one) time pre-relationship and swore they’d never tell anyone abt it

-Margaret and Mordecai are platonic soulmates as much as it is a dismay to most their romantic relationships; Benson is the first/only one of Mordecai's partners to fully accept this

Ideas (if anyone writes these before I get around to them pleeeeease please send it to me I’d cry /pos):

-swap AU of sorts where they have a secret relationship while Rigby and Eileen are more “center of attention”

-in addition, switching up Benson and CJ in a lot of scenarios make a lot of sense (specifically thinking of “New Year’s Kiss” and “Thomas’ Play Date”)

-Benson is such a little cuddle bug, Mordecai gets totally thrown off guard by how affectionate he is when they start dating

-Benson gets stuck having to watch his sister’s kid for the day while on the clock and as much as he loves seeing and hanging out w them he can’t do much while at work, asks Mordecai and Rigby to hang out w them for a bit until he’s done what he needs to and he later gets confused why his heart does weird flip-floppy things to see Mordecai being an amazing babysitter later

-Benson having a rough day mentally and asks to reschedule a date, which Mordecai asks if he’s ok and wants company which he doesn’t wanna “be a burden” or thinks Mordo won’t want to be around his sad self all day and he has to be kinda regularly reminded, “You’re my boyfriend, Ben. I always want you around.”

-Benson getting nightmares and/or flashbacks of the dome experiments and Mordo does his best to help through the severe paranoia and skittishness in the morning, unless he wakes up to it happening and he’s able to help him through it/get back to sleep

Cutaways:

-“In The House” Benson was nowhere to be seen until after Rigby finished his house/wizard story which Benson was like right next to Mordecai so I like to think Benson walked in early-ish into Rigby’s story and it’s Mordecai that beckoned him over to include him in the storytelling

-“Weekend At Benson’s” post-ending in which Benson maybe just felt too horrible to bring himself home so he hangs out at the house where Mordecai figures if he and Rigby feel awful already, Benson’s gotta be going through the same thing 10 fold so he sits with him all day doing his best to provide comfort and consolation while Benson spends half the day vomiting and sobbing from the searing pain in his throat

-“Eggscellent” after Benson getting punched, in which Skips probably had to be the one to tell Benson in private that while it’s ok for him to be scared and concerned and to feel betrayed and disrespected, what he said to Mordecai also wasn’t cool before explaining Jonathan Kimble and the journal he found; after apologizing to Mordecai he tries so hard to prove himself by being his biggest cheerleader, trying not to question the eagerness to be by his side and sudden overprotective urges

-“Return of Mordecai and the Rigbys” I think maybe a little bit too much abt the times they’re sent to the hospital and being the first two awake to have a few minutes to chat privately, and some of the dialogue I had in mind to not make this post even longer

-“Dumptown, USA” particularly when Benson went after Audrey broke up w him; maybe he left his phone behind, maybe he didn’t, and I doubt he was gone nearly as long as Mordecai, though he might’ve still been gone a few days to a week and incredibly hard to reach, leaving everyone else panicking over Benson not showing up to work to the point of sending a wellness check and getting ready to file a missing persons report by the time he comes back; Mordo’s the first to see him and instinctively runs to give him a hug, surprising them both

-“White Elephant Gift Exchange” with Benson being pretty OCD coded, similar to the first hc above following the “glove incident” where Benson likely washed his hands like 6 times to the point of cracking bc he didn’t feel “clean” enough (speaking as somebody with OCD and similar experiences)

This isn’t even remotely all of what I have this is just long enough already and I’m trying to figure out how I wanna execute the rest LOL. Anyway if anything here strikes inspiration feel free to write/draw/whatever and tag me bc I’m itching for more content of them I’m losing my mind <3 feel free to talk to me abt these dorks in DMs or my ask box too!!!!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks 1/25

facilities anon (new), not faking anon (new), experiences anon (new), midnights anon, idiots anon (new), teen angst anon (new), social cues anon (new)

Facilities Anon

Here's the beginning of your ask so you know it's you!

So I’m a queer minor in the south…and the odds aren’t really in my favor rn.

Hi! I just wanted to give my two cents since I've been to one of these places before. My advice would be to look up information on available places. Find out if they take insurance, if they are queer-friendly, look up how past patients felt about them, etc. Since you're doing this voluntarily, you have the chance to be pickier, you know?

Wishing you all the luck <3

________________

Not Faking Anon

i've identified as trans for over a year but i still feel like i'm faking it or whatever. i don't know why, i feel so happy whenever people use my preferred name and pronouns, and feel sick to my stomach sometimes when misgendered. i just can't stop thinking that this is a phase even though i know it's likely not, but also know that it's fine if it is actually a phase.

anyways, sorry for the little rant. i hope you're okay and taking care of yourself <3

I mean especially now, with trans rights being such a political issue, I feel like it's natural that imposter syndrome would be a thing. Do you have any friends who are also trans? Maybe you could talk to them to see if they're feeling similarly? If it helps, I've definitely had moments of like...'what if I'm faking it to MYSELF?' about not just my gender but like....most of the things I struggle with so I don't think you're alone at all.

_____________________

Experiences Anon

Here's the beginning of your ask so you know it's you!

I can’t tell if I’m being dramatic about my experiences, but I feel like I constantly am

Struggling and needing help isn't dramatic. I think some people are given so much shit about like...taking up space...that when they end up breaking down and NEEDING to take up space, they feel awful and dramatic about it. But it's not dramatic to struggle. You deserve help and love and to be happy <3

_________________

Midnights Anon

Hi! Midnights anon again

Sorry for all the asks! If it gets too much I get it if you stop answering.

I’ve been trying to get better with my mental health and it’s been really hard. Usually when it gets hard I quit and just go back to bad habits, but I think I’m ready to move on.

I feel like I’m honestly going crazy. My heads all fuzzy, my intrusive thoughts are worse and more frequent, I feel bad and numb when I go home, and my dad’s comment about my food just pushed me over the edge and now I can’t really bring myself to eat anymore?

I really just want to cry and be held, but my parents are bad at comfort and I either don’t have the time to cry or I’m too scared to ask my friends for help. They’re the first friends who either haven’t bullied me or abused me and I don’t want to cry in front of them again (it happened once and I feel so embarrassed and guilty)

Uhm… yeah? Typing/writing things down usually helps me process my emotions better. I think I’m gonna start journaling again :)

Thank you! And keep safe and take care of yourself, especially ’cause of the elections.

Goodbyeeee :)

Hi <3 I just want to remind you that you deserve comfort and love. And it sounds like your friends might be willing to give you some comfort. It's okay to ask for reassurance, especially from people who seem to really care. You could start small- maybe just ask for a hug?

Journaling is a great idea! I know writing helps me :)

Sending love <3

_______________________

Idiots Anon

hey Cas I hope you’re doing well and im really sorry to bother bit I could use some advice and perspective , ig.

so there is this girl im really good friend with and she’s one of my best friends but i really hate her guy friends and have a hard time hiding it.

one of them keep hurting her and making her sad but she keeps forgiving him. Last time they and another two ppl were doing a group project (whose grade is going in a finals is pretty important) and in his personal part he just put all of theirs into chat gpt and had it spit out amt he just blindly copy. It had sentences word for word for hers in away that it was clear it wasn’t a mistake and was going to be trouble. It made my friend especially sad because she would have helped him so much she would pretty much write it for him if he only asked and he went and stole her work behind her back . It took him 3.5 weeks to somewhat apologize and she forgave him much before. She cried to me about it so much and it broke my heart and i can not look at their friendship at a positive light. And he’s lokey homophobic to a degree they have known each other for 5 years and she still hasn’t come out to him as bi and I honestly can’t blame her. Shouldn’t one of your best friends be someone you can trust to share these type of thing with? She told me after around 7 months into being friends (but maybe it was bc she thought i was also queer though there were rumors i was homophobic even though im queer but lets not get into that )

the other one was accused multiple times of sexual harassment and online bullying a girl in away that he moved to our class bc ig no one wanted to be friends with a guy like that. My friend claimed the rumors were fake and people were just bored and she talked to the person who made them up and they said it but it came from multiple sources ive heared.

I know rumors are a dangerous thing to trust but i can not bring myself to completely trust that its a lie and ‘befriending’ him.

I am not subtle about my dislike of them. I am not a very subtle person in general unless i specifically try. I will admit i can be mean to them even though ‘they haven’t anything to me personally ‘

yesterday we had a big thing in the hall and we were sitting some of my friends, me, her, then these boys. I ubsent mindedly kinda said like “hey x can you ask your idiots to move a sit so there is a chair for y?” they got kinda mad and didn’t move and I honestly don’t blame them ngl.

(gonna talk about the first guy I mentioned mostly feom here)

she texted me this morning starting with “we need to talk” and saying how i really hurt him and he is sad not knowing what he even did to me to deserve me being mean to him like that.

I don’t think im a mean person but i know i kinda am to him and i am going to try and stop for her sake. she even told me how she is stressing a bit about her b day party bc she doesn’t want us to fight and ruin it for he which i would neverrrr do and i told her so.

She said how she dislike some of my friends too but is nice to them still but i am not friends with people who repeatedly hurt me so much.

i am pretty protective and it makes me sad. She is such a good person who gives infinite chances to almost everybody. She is the kind to be able to get along with every single person no matter how different them or their values are which is honestly admirable but is not really something I can do like her.

i apologized to her and i will apologize to her friends and I really feel like shit but i dont even know what to do evenn mentally for that.

I would really appreciate some advice

hope you have a nice day <3

Hi! Okay so...hmmm..I'm feeling iffy about this one. I think that you definitely do not have to be friends with these guys, or even overly nice to them. They sound like bad news, and I completely understand why you don't like them. I would stay away too!

I think you need to make it clear to her WHY you are so concerned. It's not just that these boys are annoying, they're homophobic and they have accusations of harassment. Once you explain, if she still wants to be friends, then I think the best thing to do would be to try to avoid them when you can. When you can't, you don't have to be nice, just, you know, be to the point. No kindness but no cruelty either. One-word answers and such. And you can explain that to your friend- you can't be friends with these boys, but you won't be outright mean.

I think the only exception is your friend's birthday. I think there's certain things- weddings, birthdays, etc- where you have to be...extra nice for the sake of the person you're celebrating. So if your friend invites these boys, you have to decide if you can be nice to them for a day or not. You are well within your rights to say that you can't do that. There are certain people I just can't stand to be around, and that's okay. But then you would have to stay home. If you go, I think you need to kind of fake it for the day, because ruining someone else's day would be wrong...unless the boys say or do something first, and you're defending yourself.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it sounds so frustrating.

___________________________

Teen Angst Anon

hi! I’ve never sent an ask before, but this felt like the appropriate level of *teen angst crisis mode* for an ask. 😁

I’m a freshman, and I specifically chose a (private) high school that was a lot less academically intense than my middle school, because my middle school experience was truly terrible, and I was super depressed leaving eighth grade, and just wanted to have the chance to experience the remainder of my childhood without three essays due every other day.

But, because of that, every time I feel overwhelmed my intrusive thoughts kind of go “this shouldn’t be overwhelming, you’ve dealt with much harder stuff”. And like, logically I know that’s not true at all, but it’s still there.

And, specifically today, I had a really overwhelming day, and literally every single one of my teachers snapped at me for no reason, and I got triggered (I have a lot of academic trauma) several times. And then, I had two hours of rehearsal after school (I auditioned for the play under the assumption I would be cast as ensemble,(my theater teacher DOES NOT GIVE FRESHMEN LEADS) but I was cast as a lead, because the universe hates me.)

and then, in rehearsal we were doing a bunch of super emotionally charged scenes, so by the end of rehearsal I was just SO DONE. So, I layed on the floor for a minute, except lying on the floor turned into sobbing on the floor, and just a full blown panic attack. But it was ok, because two of my friends (ish) in my grade were there, and they talked to me for the entire forty minutes I layed on the floor and sobbed, and I told them all about my ✨really great life choices✨.

AND THEN I actually checked my phone and my mom had tried to call me like seven times. Because, apparently, I had tutoring, but I forgot. So I was like “I have 25 min, I can get home it’ll be fine” but then it really wasn’t, but I got to the second train station (the connection, if you will), and there was a train in two minutes! But I was texting someone, and I MISSED IT. And the next one was in 12 WHOLE ENTIRE MINUTES!! So, I texted my tutor and was like “heyyy funny story” and, because she has known me for a long time, she was like “take some deep breaths it’s going to be ok”. BUT IT WASNT OK.

because at this point, I’d burst into tears. So, I’m ugly crying on this train platform, in front of a bunch of random people (like, SOBBING). And, I decide to call my mom, as one does, but she doesn’t pick up. So I call her again. Doesn’t answer. I CALLED HER 12 TIMES. So, I call my godmother. She doesn’t pick up. So, I call my BFF. He doesn’t pick up, so I curse him out in the voicemail I leave, traumatizing some of the nearby random people. I call my other best friend. She doesn’t respond either. In a last ditch effort, I call my dad. Who doesn’t respond. (Rude.) so, at this point I’ve decided non of my relatives love me. Then I realize I completely forgot to call my aunt. So, I call her AND SHE RESPONDS BECUASE SHE ACTUALLY LOVES ME. So, I talk to her about my day, on the train at this point, still crying.

I look over, and make eye contact with SOMEONE WHO WENT TO MY MIDDLE SCHOOL. Who’s 100% noticed me at this point, and is like looking at me weird (I look nothing like I did in middle school).

anyway. My seventh post on tumblr (ever) got just under 3000 notes, and I can’t handle that rn. Sorry this was so long, I hope you were at least marginally entertained by my chaotic story telling 😬

Hi <3

I think you definitely have a right to feel overwhelmed- I felt overwhelmed reading about all the things going on in your life! But I think you're also putting a LOT of pressure on yourself. I want to remind you that it sounds like you're doing the best you can, and you're doing really well. Please be gentle with yourself <3 I believe in you.

________________________

Social Cues Anon

Heyyy I am sorry I just don't know anything and suck at emotions and social clues and everything.

So I met some friends, and they brought a few other friends I don't really know. We introduced ourselves, there was one guy who looked cute and had a little femboy vibes. I thought he was cool and we talked, it was just two friend groups chatting nothing more.

Then we decided to go home and exited the cafe, me, as always, went to open the door bc I love to do that to my friends. Act of service is how I show I accept/like people. So I went and opened the door,

person A(a very buff guy) and the cute guy were the first ones to exit, there was just two guys left exiting so I jokingly said ladies first, because i say it to all my guy friends I meant it as teasing/ gender neutral, like how you say girl! Or bro- you know?

Turns out the cute guy was trans and I accidentally said lady to him and he got sad because tbh he didn't pass. But I didn't realize he didn't pass till he got sad, like he said my name is *insert very masculine name* so I just thought about him as a guy I didn't even realize or consider he could be trans- (tbh I think I am blind) anyway.

Then I felt guilty because no he was just a cute guy in my eyes I didn't see him as a girl I wasn't aware- I couldn't apologize because I was confused and didn't understand what I did wrong, then we separated and I couldn't speak much bc I can't speak much and I tried to but before I could we went to our houses

But since we just met that day he didn't like me- which is kinda sad because he was handsome and nice and I wanted to talk to him more, like maybe ask him to hangout, I really would appreciate being friends with him, he is so sweet and he was easy to talk to. I can't talk people normally. And he was so considerate and cute also he helped me to talk with others.

I wanted to apologize but I didn't know his number so I asked his friend which is also my friend but she said she shouldn't give his number since he might not want to talk to me which I understand, and said okay. Then I wanted to explain myself in person, we were in the same university but different faculties. I saw him in the training room and he saw me but I got nervous because how you talk to him like he was so nice I bet he will understand but I just couldn't talk to him got stressed and just acted like I didn't see him and went to my class but I guess he thinks I avoid him and I am homophobic or something but I am not he is just nice to be around and I got too nervous and I don't know how to talk. Now he thinks I am avoiding him bc he is lgbt but I am not I am literally Omnisexual but I can't tell this to himmmm he just looks like a Greek god and I just got too nervous around him I just recently managed to talk people at all I didn't exit home in years so you can guess how bad I am at talking to people. I am kinda antisocial and when we first met he started the Convo and I mostly listened and nod but it was easy but now it's not! I can't write to him because I can't find his damn phone number and I thought about leaving a letter but we don't have lockers or anything like that so I don't know what to do.

I just wanted to talk- and I don't know why, normally I hate new people and avoid them at all costs, but I didn't want him to view me as a bad person. Normally I don't care about how people view me but he just makes me worried and I don't know what's happening. I guess it's just meeting a nice guy made me nervous but I dunno. I don't want him to hate me Cass please help

Hi!

Okay so, I totally understand putting your foot in your mouth like that, I've found myself in similar situations before.

I think the thing is, if you see this boy again, you kind of just need to suck it up and apologize. I know it's awkward and scary, but there's no real easy way to fix it other than apologizing. But I also want to say- he might not be willing to accept your apology or trust you, and you have to be willing to accept that. With the way people view trans people right now...it's kind of hard, you know? It's not his job to make you feel better.

Whether or not you're able to apologize, I think this is a good learning moment. You're not a bad person, and it sounds like you care a lot about everyone in the community, so don't beat yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes! Just keep it in mind for the future.

(I do want to add though that commenting on someone being able to pass or not is not the best...'passing' is a concept that trans people have many differing feelings about so saying that someone passes or doesn't...like it's better to keep those thoughts to yourself, ig)

Sending you love, be gentle with yourself <3

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #371

It is day two of sinus, nasal, and tracheal discomfort. I have concluded that yes, I am very definitely sick. I feel sluggish, my nose is runny and congested and on fire at the same time. Mild headache all day. Scratchy throat. Fucken lame. Oh well.

Additionally, I managed to render my cellphone unusable. This morning, when my half-stupefied self woke to use the morning facilities, I managed to drop my phone. It fell from my clumsy, dyspraxic, half-asleep hands and crashed on the bathroom tile.

...Yeah. I was pretty bummed about it. And, given the number of folks who count on me, I can't really go without having a phone. But fortunately, I was already overdue for an upgrade, anyhow. So I put on a mask (to protect other people), and then M and I went and replaced it. It didn't take long.

I have a phone with a better camera now. So there's that, at least.

I spent the rest of the morning in and out of sleep, on and off the internet, and just generally feeling not great. Though I did remember that I made my famous (it's not really famous!) bone broth a while ago and stuck it in the freezer. I took a jar of it out and put it in the refrigerator to thaw:

The way I make it produces a bone broth that is both flavorful and nutritious. I'll probably drink it tomorrow. It'll give my body some strength to fight off whatever bullshit invaded it, no doubt.

Actually, come to think of it...

…!!!

Holy shit. Yes. I got sick with a mild case of the sniffles starting on the same exact day last year!

Yooooo, what the fuuuuuuuck. Hahahaha....

...Well, whatever. The procedure for any viral sickness is the same: eat good food, sleep a lot, hydrate frequently, take ibuprofen as needed, and wait for it to pass. There's really nothing else for it.

I thought I was gonna get soup today, but I did not, in fact, get soup today. That's because J went out, and when he came home, he brought some epic pizza with him:

We have, from left to right, a philly steak pizza, a chicken and mushroom marsala pizza, and a shrimp scampi pizza, from our favorite pizza place within reasonable driving distance!! I'm not really sure what that reddish-looking slice at the bottom is; maybe it's pepperoni? But that one was J's, anyhow.

...I wish I could get you some slices of pizza from this place. You won't find better within reasonable driving distance from my house. A few places come close, but... this one is definitely the best.

After eating the pizza, I changed over to the 8th set of braces for real. Here are some comparison pictures between the first set and the newest set; the newest set is on the right in all cases. Here's the top set:

...I really can't believe how far my very confused snaggletooth has moved! It's gonna be really weird to look in the mirror when it's finally in its proper place!

The other top teeth bow inward a little less than before, too:

...The set on the left is definitely a little bit more hourglass-shaped compared to the right. Wild.

Here's the bottom set:

The front teeth are WAAAY less crowded than before. And that other very confused tooth there is starting to fall in line.

That one on the left side of my mouth that used to point towards my tongue is now slowly starting to point straight upwards like it's supposed to, too!

...It's been kinda crazy, tracking the progress as the inside of my face rearranges itself. I wonder what you think. Isn't it cool???

I'm pleased to report, too, that set number 8 is a LOT less difficult now that I've switched to it when I was supposed to, instead of prematurely!! Hahaha!!

...I spent most of today resting, so I don't have a whole lot else to tell you about. I'm probably gonna start playing video games soon, though. So if you wanna come hang out with me, you'll find me here:

...Though, admittedly, I'd really much rather watch you learn how to play video games. I think that'd be a lot of fun. I have a number of them that I think you'd really like.

Well, I guess that's it. Don't forget that you're loved, okay? Because I love you. And lots of other people do, too; you just haven't met them yet. My world is chock full of people who would treat you like an actual human being (because that is what you are, no matter what any nasty-ass shit-goblin tries to tell you) instead of like a commodity to be exploited.

...Sephiroth. Come to my house and try it. Come to my house, and let the present moment be louder to you than your past. Come to my house, and let the voices of those who love you be louder to you than the voices of those who tried to control you. You've already tasted hell. Come see what heaven is like before you write yourself off, okay? I know you've witnessed more than a few mockeries of what loving, healthy relationships are supposed to look like, but...

...You'll have to replace “little girl” with “little one”, but... you get the idea, I'm sure. You're not done yet. Nothing is hopeless.

And... I'm here. I'm real. My house is here, and it is real. And its doors are open to you, ready to welcome you with joy and compassion, whenever you're ready. We'll keep calling out your name and waiting.

...This formerly beaten, broken, and silenced human is learning to shout your name into the void, just on the small chance that you might hear it and return to yourself, because you are worth overcoming terrifying conditioning for. You are worth it for me to try rising up from being enslaved by past memories for. You are worth doing all sorts of difficult, impossible things for.

Sephiroth. For once, there is a person right here, who, instead of asking you to do impossible things to prove your worth, is willing to do impossible things herself, just to prove to you that you are and always have been lovable and worthy, from the very moment you came into being.

I am no fanciful dream. I will always be here, ready, waiting, and overjoyed to shatter the illusions about the world that you were brutally conditioned into believing. I will continue to stand here in stark defiance of so-called "conventional wisdom", with my head held high, my gaze fixed upon you, and my hand outstretched in welcome.

...And I'm not going anywhere. Even if by some misfortune I am prematurely ripped from this body, you know what's gonna happen? I'm gonna choose another "fucked up" and "upsetting" life to be born to so that by the time I'm strong enough to weave it into something beautiful and kaleidoscopic, I'll understand you well enough to reach my hand to you in hope and compassion once more. And maybe next time I reach for you, I'll live in a less genetically fucked up body, and therefore be able to do a better job of it.

I will continue to exist joyfully, gratefully, and lovingly, in stark defiance of those people who think that lives like yours and lives like mine are so "fucked up" and "upsetting" that we "shouldn't have been born in the first place". I will continue to weave rainbows from the darkness I was given, no matter which bitter-hearted, nihilistic people insist that it can't be done.

Come stand next to me and do the same. Because I know for a fact that you'd be able to do it even more spectacularly than I can, no matter who the fuck thinks otherwise.

Please stay safe. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[andhumanslovedstories]

Hello! I love your blog very much. I too am a second degree nurse. I just graduated from an ABSN program and I'm struggling to get my foot in the door anywhere despite good grades + honor society membership + in state license already secured. I live in NYC and the nursing shortage here is CRAZY but for some reason no one wants to talk to me. Would you recommend home health nursing for someone in my situation? I did my preceptorship in the ED and that's 100% where I belong, but the bills are really piling up and I have no prospects. How long did you do home health before you went bedside? Thank you for any advice you have!

(Disclaimer though for all this, I'm across the country from you and have no idea the landscape of nursing jobs in NYC.)

I worked in home health for 18 months. If my goal was to get to the hospital as quick as possible, I didn't need to be there that long. I wasn't in any particular rush to move on. Plenty of people worked less than that and got hired at a hospital, I think something like a year was the average. I know the different between sending out my new grad resume and sending out my home health nurse resume was night and day. As in: literally anyone wanted to interview me.

I'd encourage you to at least apply and see if you can interview. You get to interview the company right back, and that'll let you know the kinds of work they expect from you. There are two main types of home health: the kind where you visit a lot of patients in a day and the kind where you're with one patient for the entire shift. The first kind is doing stuff like dressing changes, medication management, or periodic assessment. The second kind is more like general caregiving with nursing related requirements. I mostly did the second one, and worked night shift. So I fed a patient dinner, I gave them a bath, I got them dressed for bed, then tucked them in and stuck around until morning for their needs in the night. But within that was trach management, seizures, G tubes, medications, central lines, ongoing assessment, all that stuff that got this person nursing hours. I'm not gonna lie--it was often very very boring. I read a lot of books.

(btw west coast disclaimer again, but if you're willing to work nights, you'll get hired more easily. Everyone everywhere in the world doesn't have enough night shift coverage. also, oops! this got long and became an essay on home health!)

For downsides, in home health you can get limited training and orientation before you're alone, responsible for a patient. And then it's all on you. I had some gut-dropping moments early on where I encountered something I didn't know how to handle and didn't know how urgent it was. There's supposed someone you can call at all times, but multiple times when I did call, no one picked up. It can be super stressful and frankly dangerous as an inexperienced nurse. Luckily, many times you have the patient's family as a resource. It's likely they've been doing this years longer than you have. Though it's worst thing in the world when you wake someone up at 3 am because you're unsure and concerned, and then have that person explain in a really supportive tone of voice that these frequent, very brief seizures were probably just hiccups. Hypothetically speaking.

You can get too entwined with the patient and family's lives. It's hard to call out sick because you know no one can cover you. It's easy to cross emotional boundaries. Imagine spending 40 hours a week with someone and their family. They'll occupy a spot in your brain.

And I don't think it's a great place for a new nurse to stay for years and years, just for like professional development reasons. You won't get exposure to a variety of patients (unless you work that other type of home health in which case enjoy seeing eight different patients a day, hope traffic doesn't suck), so it's easy to forget stuff you just learned. I never had to think about transfusion reactions until I started at the hospital and shit now it's relevant all the time. I had to completely relearn how to hang an IV piggyback. Plus, since you work alone, you don't get the chance to see how other nurses work. It's hard to figure out a profession when you practice in complete isolation. It's easy to learn bad habits and have no one ever correct you.

But there's a lot I like about home health. You really do have a perspective on patients and patient care that is unique to home health and long-term care. In the hospital, you don't always get that long-term perspective. If you work with someone for a while, you can track how they progress or decline. Why do some clients stay at home for years and others keep going back to the hospital? What's different about their conditions and cares? You see all the work it can take to keep them steady. That's perspective that easy to lose. It helps you put the patient on a timeline that extends beyond the hospital. If you click with a patient and/or family and work with them for a while, it can be very satisfying working with them because you see so clearly the impact you're having.

Also! I read so many fucking books! I listened to so many podcasts (played so so softly). I knitted and learned sudoku and practiced yoga, looked up vacation spots, put in my grocery orders, and organized my playlists. I also could research and research and research. I had time to look up everything about every condition my patient had, and once I felt more comfortable with those, I moved on to looking up whatever other disease process and patient experience seemed interesting. I'd make myself a little curriculum and, after my patient was tucked in, and be like "tonight's class is vlogs about having a trach."

There were plenty of shifts where I bustled all fuckin night, and sometimes those shifts seemed to be in one endless hellish row, but often I had a lot of time to myself that I could spend however I wanted, as long as I was still in the room with the patient, able to meaningfully hear and see them, and keeping up with the night routine. I fucked around a lot and got paid for it because the job is to be available when needed, and you're not always needed. (I'm not saying slack off! I'm just saying even colicky babies sleep peacefully now and then.)

Anyway jesus christ that got away from me, but like please know that I was in your exact place, and I know how much it sucks and how crazy it makes you feel because I THOUGHT WE WERE SHORT ON NURSES DON'T ANY OF YOU FUCKERS NEED A NURSE, and know that all the other job hunts after this should and will be easier than this.

[the-blossica-fan]

Actors AU:

Balloon Party, who's real name is Gertrude, was chosen for the role by sheer coincidence; she said that, one day, she had gotten a headache, and had to speak slowly to try and relax herself. Needless to say, Z heard it, and thought she would be an amazing shoe-in for the role.

In real life, she is an actual doctor, too; not world famous, but definitely well-known, especially for how soft spoken she is.

If you would have told her she'd find love on the set, she'd call it a pipe dream.

And then she met Lorelei by giving her a health check, and may or may not have been smitten immediately.

(I also imagine she has a PhD and many positive reviews. Lorelei, meanwhile, has $5 and a dream 😭)

Imagine she works in the same hospital as Tooth Fairy and is an acquaintance of Madam Z. After a long day of work and sleepless nights, a headache wore her down and she constantly held her head while talking slowly.

Z had an idea at that moment and got her an interview with the directors, she was cast as Balloon Party not long after. She has to admit she quite enjoys the character she plays as, a crazy and creepy doctor.

People often get surprised when she acts so nicely unlike her unsettling character, and are even more surprised to know she has a PhD.

Gertrude also made a couple health checks around the set, she's one of the few who can and it's better to make sure all actors are healthy and in good shape for their next acts. She frequently receives visits from Cristallio, Lucy or Rabies, so she always tries to keep a professional face around those who don't come as often, that's when Lorelei steps in.

For your information, it's not Balloon Party who fell first, but she did find some attraction to that blond head that wouldn't stop saying nonsense.

Lorelei felt a bit nervous as she complained of an upcoming cold and headache, and alongside Gertrude's soft, calming and understanding voice, she fell. And bad.

Must I add she was quite entranced, staring into Gertrude's eyes as she spoke whatever she was talking about? Yeah.

Even when she wasn't sick, she went to Gertrude to try and start a conversation under the pretense of "taking care of any future sickness", and soon enough, she didn't even need an excuse!

Gertrude did end up falling for the silly girl that was so obviously down bad that not even romantic obliviousness could cover it. Ted faced, oftentimes hinting at going out on dates but then chickened up and ran away without a warning, or bringing her emotional support emo along.

Either way, it ended up happening soon enough, it's not like Gertrude wanted to play hard to get or she didn't like Lorelei's personality and acts of service.

I can imagine Lorelei asking her out on dates and it ends up being then eating 2 hot dogs for 1$ and a soda in the middle of a park because she didn't have enough money for a restaurant. And if she took her to a restaurant, her emotional support emo had to give away some money for it to happen.

ONION: So, Miss Lorelei, is it true you're dating Miss Gertrude?

Lorelei: Surprisingly enough, we both are in a romantic relationship. Mama and papa like her a lot, however, I can't help but wonder why she would date someone like me. I can only invite her to eat a homemade sandwich.

Balloon Party: I'm not in love with her for money, I think she's quite cute and romantic. I don't mind eating something cheap if it means being by her side, and she has some funny reactions when I compliment her too.

Semmelweis: Yes, I am the emotional support emo. Yes, I am tired. And yes, I have enough money to pay for their dates as long as they let me sleep.

ONION: ...I just asked if you knew about the rumors

[reflection-s-of-stars]

[ID: A reply on a post from the original poster, @/katakaluptastrophy, reading “@/sunshine-fruit-of-the-vine Ooh, your point in the tags about Corona’s comment to Judith is really interesting! Though I suppose it could also be interpreted as the Second being the ones doing the business contracts? Also please tell me more about your political headcanons…” /End ID.]

@katakaluptastrophy this is old but you absolutely do not have to ask me twice oh my god. This is where I reveal exactly how much of a history dork I am so be warned. I have also indicated Vibes in case that is helpful to anybody

So the common denominator among the Houses (as well as among societies as a whole, I spent like half a unit in my sociology class on this last year) is that there’s always a small upper class/nobility/etc and the population gets larger as you go down the ladder. That manifests in different ways within the different Houses, but it’s the same principle: The rich are few, and the poor are many.

That being said…

SECOND: The military leaders of the Nine, the Second are the ones who do the actual conquering of planets. However, Corona’s comment about how “as a Second, [Judith] should be willing to sell her birthright for economics” suggests they might not be getting their share of the profits. A huge portion of the Second lives in poverty, especially the capital city of Trentham, and pretty much the only way to escape it is to join the Cohort. The wealthy and powerful (generals, admirals and war heroes) vehemently deny there ever being a problem. For vibes, think New York City or Chicago but A Little Worse.

THIRD: The economic center of the Nine, the Third is a trade powerhouse and a hub for merchants and artisans. But they also export something a little less palatable: Propaganda for the Empire. The capital, Ida, is an enormous massive palace very similar to Versailles, where the best of the best workers (and the friends of the royal family) are privileged to live. Unlike the Second, where hard work actually can bring you up in the world, success in Ida comes out of bribes, flattery and sex. For vibes, think Paris but even less subtle, and crazy on the amethysts.

FOURTH: Supposedly a backup to the Second. In actuality, the lack of any real leadership has left the small and vulnerable population (veterans, the sick and disabled) to the mercy of the Fourth’s criminal underbelly. The capital city of Tisis is functionally a ghost town, mostly full of impotent, sheltered nobles and extensions of the mafia collecting bribes, and the other cities aren’t much better. For vibes, think Piltover (I don’t play league of legends but I LOVE Arcane), but the upper city is way more depressing and abandoned and the whole thing has kind of an ancient Roman feel as well.

FIFTH: The administration of the Nine, the Fifth works closely with the Emperor himself to keep the internal workings of His Empire running smoothly. Koniortos Court is a complex and many-armed bureaucracy, managed by its Lords or Ladies (and Seneschals, who do most of the actual diplomacy) like clockwork. It lies nestled in the capital of Rhax, where the majority of the Fifth’s population lives and works. There are frequent rebellions, but they’re snuffed out with alarming ease. For vibes, think combination of Victorian London and the city from Ulysses Dies At Dawn.

SIXTH: Less of its own independent state and more of the Emperor’s House of Wisdom, the Sixth House is the center of learning in the Nine Houses. Almost all the Houses send the best of their best to study there, so there’s a lot of people, but its native population is incredibly small- the size of a single city on the Third. Most of the Sixth is a single huge, labyrinthine library, surrounded by dormitories and a few spaceship ports for trade with the Seventh. Rank is decided not by birth, but by ability and age (in theory, anyway; in practice, they’ve strayed a bit from Cassiopeia’s vision). It’s still very communal, and everyone considers each other family on some level. For vibes, think a walled city combined with a super old university.

SEVENTH: The Seventh is responsible for most of the beautiful things made in the Empire. They export and import a lot of art, from pottery to poetry, and are considered superior craftsmen to the Third (which is why Ianthe thinks so poorly of their cloud formation poems). Outside this, they’re largely self-sufficient and very insular, doing their own farming making regular contact with only the Sixth. The lower classes are mostly farmers, while the aristocracy is just a few families, which is how Heptanary cancer happened. For vibes, think the romanticized version of the antebellum South from old books that like to gloss over the slavery thing, but a little bit sickly and weird-looking.

EIGHTH: The religious center of the Nine, the Eighth is in control of the worship of the Emperor and his Saints, as well as the Nine’s religious traditions. They’re also responsible for a chunk of Imperial propaganda- less than the Third, though, and directed less to the shepherd worlds and more within the Nine Houses. They live similarly to the Ninth House, with religious decadence, everyday asceticism and very little social mobility. The population of the Eighth House is actually very diverse, full of pilgrims from all over the Empire. For vibes, think medieval Italy but it’s all minimalist white and it ruins the whole thing.

NINTH: We know about the Ninth. We got like ten chapters about the Ninth. For vibes, think the Ninth.

[your-queer-dad]

Hi dad,

Today I had a panic attack.

I was overwhelmed, because my mom so sick, my migraines and dizziness and other stuff have been getting worse, algebra 2 is overwhelming sometimes, and I just feel drained because of it.

I didn’t lash out or anything, but I kinda just cried quietly and tried to eat dinner. I ate half of it, which was hard, but I threw the rest away.

I wanted to sh so bad, and the urges have been getting worse.

I’ve been finding new coping mechanisms, so that’s good, and they’ve been working.

I was able to lock myself in the bathroom and calm down, but I kinda just feel drained and somehow still anxious from it. I don’t know what to do. I have an awesome mom and older sister I can talk to, but it’s really hard to talk about stuff sometimes, and I really don’t want to bother anyone. I’m in therapy and on meds, but it’s just so hard sometimes, and everything just feels like to much sometimes. And I always feel like I’m faking it. Like my stimming is fakes. Like my interests are fake. Like my emotions are fake. Like my whole sense of self is fake. And like, I know it’s not true. I know I am autistic (diagnosed when I was 8), I know I’m passionate about infectious pathology, I know I feel stuff, I know I’m a guy, and that living as a girl was hell for me, but my emotions always feel fake and distant and numb, and I always doubt myself. I need to cry a lot, like breakdown and sob and scream, but I can’t, and it just feels so frustrating.

And I’ve just been having so many memories come up from my childhood, and it just makes me so sad.

I had a dream last night that I was shopping with my cousin (who helped me through a lot, and was my best friend during tough situations. I haven’t seen her in 5 years), and I just miss her so much. It made me so sad and happy at the same time, and I just wish I could see her again.

I miss my older brother (I haven’t seen him in 5 years either), and I just want to make sure he’s ok, and give him a hug.

I keep getting random memories of an old neighbor we used to live by, who was so seeet and kind. We trusted him a lot, and played in his backyard and porch area frequently. He always had those little popsicles that are in the plastic tube thingy, and he always gave me the blue ones cause he knew they were my favorite. And though we haven’t seen him in years (we moved a lot), I miss him, and hope he’s doing ok.

I always want to help out more, and feel like I’m not doing enough. I just want to be more useful and see people smile. I like being helpful, and it hurts when I can’t do something on my own.

I feel stupid and lazy all the time. I suck at math, and can’t focus. It’s just so hard to focus, and my brain has been fogging more often in the past few years, and I just want to do something right for once.

I don’t know how to tell my mom about this, but I know that I really need to, because I don’t want to relapse again, and I don’t want to scare anyone.

Do you have any advice?

Also, I hope this ask finds you well.

Please make sure to drink some water, eat something, shower/bathe, and get some rest

Thanks for reading this :)

Hey kiddo! That sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself bud. Im so proud of you for resisting the urge to self harm. I know personally how hard that is but I'm so proud of you. No matter how fake it feels, it isn't. It sounds to me like you're invalidating your own feelings there bud. However you're feeling is true. You aren't stupid or lazy, you have so much going on right now and it's okay to be overwhelmed sometimes. Life is crazy and loud and a whirlwind and calm and warm and painful- it's so many things, it's natural to be overwhelmed by it sometimes. I would really really recommend talking to someone if you feel like you're gonna self harm. It isn't a burden to them, they care about you as much as you care about them.

- dad x

[socketballmasks]

I've been trying to figure out how to word some reflections on the last year, and how things are going. I guess I'll start with talk about production:

I don't like how I've been handling orders until now. Taking orders on a preorder basis and putting them into a backlog works, but I wasn't executing that idea that well. I had set up some calculations based on numbers that turned out to be wrong, and had other unexpected setbacks that have dragged things out a couple months longer than they should have been. I ended up spraining my ankle pretty badly near the end of the year, which put me out of all work for roughly six weeks, and then right as I got out of that, I caught covid (at a grocery store of all places), which put me out for another week. Then, I had to put much of my resin workstation toward producing christmas gifts for family, which took another week out. That could have been avoided, perhaps… but I did want to give my folks something handmade this year.

I have been rethinking my methods – to focus primarily on production so that I can deliver orders more faster and more frequently. New calculations of work time based on more accurate numbers look promising, and I am starting to put them into practice. The focus will be to have items ready before or close to their sale dates, so that all of the different factors that longer time periods introduce can be avoided.

For those of you with backlogged orders, I will be delivering them all within the first three to four months of this year. I’m not going to release another “shipping schedule” chart because I don’t want to find myself breezing past deadlines again, and possibly disappointing people that way. I’m very grateful that you all have been so patient with me. I’m closing in on being able to ship out the first of the five backlogged order batches, and anticipate fully achieving that by the end of this month. Because several customers have orders in multiple batches, and I am doing my best to combine them all, there’s a bit of a cumulative effect. Things are slower at first, as I’m not only handling the first batch, but also certain people’s orders across other batches. This picks away at the further batches that need to ship, so things may get faster as I approach the final backlogged batch. Now that I’m able-bodied and no longer sick with corona, there shouldn’t be any crazy setbacks to the backlog fulfillment process.

I don’t have much else to say here, so thank you for taking a moment of your time to read my thoughts this year. Best wishes to you and yours,

Socketball

[aller-geez]

༝༚༝༚ Welcome to my particular little corner of Hell •⩊•

While you’re here, feel free to look around~

Hey snzblr, I’m allergeez, geezie, geezus or Remi, but you guys probably know me by my OC, also named Remi. 🖤🐺

I am 28 years old, and go by She/Her. I’m married, and am pan greysexual 🖤

I am also permanently stuck between greyscale goth, and pastel soft bean 🖤

@thekinkyleopard & i have OC babies together that we frequently post new fics & art of,

both snz & non snz 🖤

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Ao3~

「⋆⁺ ☽ Toyhou.se ☾⋆⁺」

You can also find all of our characters with more detailed backstories and photos on my toyhou.se, and there’s a link to each characters profile on the masterlist by their names~

I created my main OC, Remington (Remi) 13 years ago with my friend, @thekinkyleopard , owner of Levi, (she also owns Connie, Alistar, Biziil, Elex, and Sy) and have been using him ever since (he’s super fun and adorable to torture >:3)

Fun Fact!: I started going by Remington 9 years ago, because of my OC 🖤

I love to draw and otherwise make art, and sometimes I like to write, even if getting it perfect takes a little time. I frequently post my art of my main OC, Remington, and his mate, Levi, as well as the occasional fic when the creativity allows lmao. I do always have my requests open to anyone (any of my own, or Kezzie’s thekinkyleopard OCs only!)

Despite my name, I don’t have any allergies, and I honestly don’t snz very much (THOUGH I TRY, TRUST ME >:C) so WAVs aren’t my thing /: though I’ll probably appreciate yours 🫠

Tags include: #geezieart, #geeziefic, #geezierant, #geezieanswers, #geeziespeedpaint, #geeziegif

(Kezzie posts 98% of the fic content, and I draw the covers for her fics. She posts snzfics bc she loves me, and some vanilla, as well as full canon lore if you’re interested!)

What I’m Into:

Sneezing (obviously~) M & F

Whump (fever/illness/injury), otherwise H/C

Contagion

Stoic/Angry/Strong characters getting sick/injured and needing to be taken care of by someone they would usually be protecting (IM LOOKIN AT U REMI BBY)

Spray 🖤

Domination/Pushiness (BDSM dynamics)

Pet Play

Slight Embarrassment but nothing too crazy

Vulnerability

Being snzed on 🖤

What I’m NOT Into:

Excessive mess (I know.. 🤡)

Pedophilia [MINORS DNI! ]

Humiliation/kink shaming

Super loud/startling snzs

Emeto

If you’ve made it this far, thank you!

And thank you everyone for helping me reach 250 followers 🖤

It means the world to me honestly to have that many people interested in my art and love my snotty, grumpy boy Rem just as much as I do 😭😭😭

I really do not appreciate hate, and it will swiftly be deleted and you will be blocked. Thanks for your cooperation!

— Geezie, the real Remi ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

[heavensmtl]

TNGDH 41

As soon as I arrived in the village, I stopped at a merchant, and had him carefully package the goods and money, and had them sent to the nearby imperial palace.

I was tempted to put a bribe on it so that the top worker would come to me, but I knew I'd be too tired if I ran into Kyle, so I did the next best thing.

[The top of the castanets is responsible for moving items to each point. Find the item at the desired location!]

Thanks to the system's guidance, I didn't lose the money that Kyle had so generously given me. I don't want to waste his hard-earned money, even if I pretend it's not a penny or two.

‘By the way, this is what they do at the top.’

It’s just like a delivery service.

Afterwards, as I wandered around diligently, the ‘loading’ time came to an end. Now that I’m here, I’m reminded that time really is money.

-Squeak.

The replica hamster I had left behind was running out of time. As I watched another Cashew Nut disappear like melting snow, fatigue washed over me like a flood, and I fainted and fell asleep.

How much time has passed since then?

When I opened my eyes, I was on a rickety carriage. Since the surroundings were dark, I thought they had covered it with a black cloth…

-Squeak. (Ugh.)

Crazy motion sickness.

As I leaned against the wall and retched, what I thought was black cloth moved. It appeared that Kyle was hugging the hamster house while sitting in the carriage.

“Are you ok, Cashew?”

-Squeak…(Does it look like I’m ok?...)

“Do you get motion sickness too? You seemed fine when I was holding you. Anyway, this thing also resembles Shu.”

What can I do? It’s the same guy inside.

Kyle reached into the hamster house. I figured it was better than being inside the hard house, so I jumped into his palm.

Although his hand had a lot of calluses, it still felt warm and soft.

‘It’s definitely better.’

I curled up into a ball and closed my eyes.

The grand duke won’t be able to hold a hamster all the time until he arrives at the imperial palace, so he should get enough sleep now that it’s lying in his palm.

Rattle, rattle, rattle.

The carriage shook. Those were the days of moving from the north to the south, from winter to spring.

By the time I arrived at the Imperial Palace, to my surprise, I had a miracle value of nearly 30%.

-Squeak. (Is this really happening?)

“Don’t worry too much, Cashew Nut. They value their lives so they will never bandit again.”

-Squeak. (I guess so.)

The story goes like this.

On our way to the palace, we passed through several villages, but one village in particular had an ugly atmosphere.

When I questioned the soldiers, they said that recent incidents of bandits rampaging through the streets, engaging in mischief and extorting money and valuables have been happening frequently.

Unfortunately, it was a small village between two estates and was poor, so no one could help. To make matters worse, the bandits’ tyranny became more severe day by day as there was nothing left to steal.

As a result of this situation, the village people naturally became less welcoming to outsiders.

They didn’t have enough food to share with others, and they were tired of bandits trying to get help from outsiders.

And when Kyle learned the circumstances, he solved all the problems at once and clearly.

With his fist.

“This is the fastest way to the imperial palace, but shouldn’t Shu have to face trouble on the way down?”

-Squeak. (I am here.)

Literally. Kyle took down a group of bandits who were swarming the village with a single fist… 

The bandits, who had been beaten just enough not to die, gave Kyle all the wealth they had stolen and fled to the mountains.

I heard that it was very unpleasant to see it groveling after threatening that it would not be left alone when it came back to the village, but unfortunately, I was in a hamster house, so that was all I could hear.

Well, they didn't have to kill me anyway. Honestly, they were stealing and murdering, so what's the point in killing them?

“They thought I was helping them”

-Squeak. (Illusions are free.)

He seems worried even though he gave me so much money. Well, if I heard that there were people stealing money everywhere, I would be concerned.

Anyway, it was a good thing one way or another.

The townspeople are safer, Kyle has less to worry about, and I get a miracle value boost from something that didn't happen in the original book.

I didn’t know much about Kyle Jane Meinhardt, but it seems he was quite feared outside of the Blake estate.

I don't know what kind of trouble he got into when he was kicked out of the Imperial Palace and went north, but....... It's no wonder that the miracle numbers were so high, as fear turned to awe and word of mouth began to spread.

Moreover, the way he carefully prepared food for his hamster whenever he stopped by  the inn seemed to have created a rumor that he was a warm and just person toward small animals and the poor.

“It’s warming up a lot, so get some air.”

Kyle threw the carriage window wide open. I snuggled up against the grate of the hamster house and sniffed.

The breeze, which had grown warmer as we traveled south, began to waft with the scent of flowers as we neared the Imperial Palace. Spring was said to arrive quickly in the Meinhardt Empire, and even in March, the flowers were already in full bloom.

An engagement during the blooming season, how nice.

Though it doesn't have much of a romantic feel to it, given the opposition.

"Are you bored?"

Kyle suddenly asked sweetly. I kicked him hard on the lips as he tried to kiss me.

Of course I am, man. I haven’t been able to use ‘Summon’ for several days now, so I’m just being a hamster. If this goes on, I will forget that I was ever human.

"When I was holding him, he was so quiet the whole time, no whining......."

Whining? Don’t use such cute words. Do you know how old I am?

"Don't worry, he'll be back in a few days. Five days? No, he's a diligent guy, maybe four days."

Even if Kyle's guess is correct and he's as diligent as he pretends to be, it'll take him four days to catch....... This means that I have to live with this disgusting, 100% pure rat for three more days. 

‘...... I’m sick of it, I’m sick of it’

As I was grumbling excitedly, the carriage slowly came to a stop. Finally, I arrived at the long-awaited destination.

I stuck my head out the window.

Pure white bricks line a street big enough for a carriage or two, and gardens full of spring flowers line the street.

There were lights and structures here and there, and they seemed to have been spread with gold, so they sparkled brightly in the sun.

‘It’s like a royal castle.’

It’s too flashy to be too flashy.

Of course, the most eye-catching of them all was the imperial palace, more opulent than any fairy-tale palace I had ever seen in my life.

Although the palace was not small, its majesty was truly unique as it was the palace of the imperial family.

‘It’s too far to see from here’

Let’s go, me too.

I quickly grabbed Kyle’s fingers with both hands and hung on. Don’t put it in the hamster house, put it in your palm and go. It might be a bit painful, but …… It’s frustrating!

“Okay, let’s go together.”

Kyle looked at me as if he was dying of cuteness and then gently held me in his hand.

Fortunately, there were a lot of people waiting outside , so instead of kissing or hugging me, he put me in the front pocket of his jacket with very careful hands.

I stuck my head out and looked around.

“Meeting Archduchess Blake”

Sen came out in person, leading the maids.

She was always neat and tidy, but in her flowing dress, she looked like a young lady of some noble family.

Her brown hair was tied up in a high ponytail, and when Sen lifted the hem of her skirt and bowed her head in acknowledgment, Kyle did the same.

“Thank you for your hospitality.”

“It’s been a long time, Your Highness.”

“Indeed.”

Kyle’s expression softened.

“How are you?”

Sen replied with a small smile.

“How many people are there who don’t get along well in the imperial palace? It’s a place where everything is abundant.”

Sens' expression as she said that was so calm that it gave off a cool vibe rather than warm happiness. 

Kyle shrugged his shoulders instead of answering, as if he understood. Is it because he had a bad time in the imperial palace and was kicked out into the cold?

“Well, it was more than I thought.”

Sen covered her mouth with an expression of regret and quickly apologized.

“Sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

There was an awkward silence for a moment. Sen must have seen me while lightly rubbing the back of her neck with her fingertips, and she smiled slightly with an expression that I recognized.

“Did you also bring Cashew Nut?”

“I think I need to get a medical examination from the palace’s magicians.”

“Oh my, where does it hurt?”

“It doesn’t hurt.”

“Then that’s a relief. What about Shu?”

She looked around. She must have expected me to accompany them, but when she saw that I wasn't among those unloading the carriage, she seemed a little disappointed.

“He decided to stop by his hometown. He will arrive in a few days. It would be nice if you could set up a room for him next to mine.”

"I've already done that. Cashew still needs a place to stay....... I'll have it ready by tomorrow, don't worry."

“Okay. Please.”

Afterwards, Sen headed into the castle with calm steps.

The skill of showing people around a room or asking the maids to do something was unusual. The maids didn’t seem to have any difficulty with Sen either.

‘You’ve adapted quickly.’

Well, she’s a smart girl, so that’s to be expected.

We parted ways with Sen and entered the room that had been prepared for us.

The lavish furnishings and panoramic view were quite the opposite of what I'm used to in the north. Maybe it was because I had become accustomed to the North, but it felt like I was in a foreign country.

Should I say it is more delicate and sophisticated? It's amazing. It's also somewhat strange that there is no snow outside the window.

“You must have had a hard time coming, so eat some of this first.”

Kyle set me down on a neatly folded handkerchief and rummaged through his bag. Sunflower seeds, roasted peanuts, pollack cubes, shredded duck meat… … . No, did you bring all this?

As I was eating this and that, a hand continued to stroke my forehead and spine. It’s burdensome, you guy.

Still, I was afraid to get used to it, but I didn't have the heart to refuse. His affection, expressed with his whole body, seemed to have become second nature.

When I looked up at him with a full stomach, he scooped me up and kissed me on the forehead about five times before setting me down in the center of the bed.

"You sleep here tonight. We'll have what you need tomorrow morning."

-Squeak. (It doesn’t matter to me because I’m a bed type.)

Should I ask for a hamster bed or something?  He doesn't have to share a bed this big, and it's only about the size of his palm.......

‘Wait a minute.’

Why do I have this bed to myself?

Crash.

Kyle unsheathed his sword from his back and drew it close. There was a creak of armor, and then...... he was sitting on the bed with his back to me, still holding the sword.

He's going to sleep like that? Really?

"Sleep well."

He spoke quietly and closed his eyes.

-......

I looked at him with a slightly confused gaze as he slept motionlessly.

I know. 

Kyle doesn't trust anyone here. This is the place where his mother was tragically killed and he was driven out to the cold land as a child. Not only was his life threatened, but he must have overcome many dangers of death.

Because of those countless memories, he is no longer as weak as he was then, and even though no one can treat him carelessly, he cannot relax.

Because things engraved in one’s mind eat away at a person longer than one might think. Even if you think you've overcome everything, I know very well that memories are what come to mind without you knowing. So sick of it.

'… … I can't wait to come back.'

I wanted to be by his side, not as a Cashew, but as a Shu, so he wouldn't feel alone, at least not in this vast palace.

I stared at Kyle’s cold, hard, and lonely face for a long time and then closed my eyes. I prayed that time would pass a little faster.

-----------------------

Caelum's Note

Ahh sorry if translations are off or if the grammar is kind of funky. ｡ﾟ･ (>﹏<) ･ﾟ｡ This is my first time doing this and I currently have no proofreader and am translating late at night. Please dm me if there is anything that needs to be fixed. Hope you enjoyed the read! (.❛ ᴗ ❛.)

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[birdiewrites78]

Dangerous Desires Chapter Two: Return to Me

Hello, I would like to begin by apologizing for my absence. I almost stopped writing this series because I lacked confidence in my writing. However, I have come to realize that the only way to improve is by practicing, and I really enjoy writing. My perfectionism got the best of me, and it stopped being fun. To sum it up, I am going to finish this book and update it more frequently. This chapter does not have any specific warnings, except for general violence related to criminal minds. Word count is ~2700

Natalie realized how much she took time for granted; she spent years snoozing her alarms for work, being late to plans she had made, and generally not being appreciative of every moment. She realizes how wasteful that was now. The team had been working non-stop since they stepped on the plane back in Virginia, and Heather still hadn't been found. Natalie was far from an optimist, but she gained some solace in her suggestion of working. Slessman put up no resistance, physically, at least during the raid.

However, Slessman seemed to be putting up mental resistance, or at least that's what it seems to be. Natalie was hauled up to a small room in the Seattle Police Station; she hadn't eaten, she was feeling dizzy, and her head was pounding. The fluorescents here were nothing like the BAU; they were a harsh white that seemed to taunt Natalie. She was sifting through old records of Slessman’s file, looking for anything that could help the team locate Heather, and picking up the phone that had been provided to her; it had been ringing all night. The people calling were well-meaning, but so far, none of the tips have been helpful.

Natalie had to stop what she was doing, and she was hit with an intense feeling of dizziness since she needed to eat to take her iron tablets. She pushed the files away and decided to go find the vending machine that she had seen earlier. Natalie felt an aching pain coming from her feet. She tried her best to ignore it and continued to walk on the carpeted floor. She left the room and felt a certain chill in the area. Slessman’s presence was haunting; she had only gotten a brief glimpse of him in handcuffs. His eyes were such a light blue that, under the fluorescent light, they were almost gray. He was so lanky that he almost looked sick. And the creepiest thing of all is that when they caught each other's eyes, he smiled at her. She felt like she was going to vomit at the sight.

His unnerving demeanor reminded her so much of—she stopped that thought. No, she, Natalie, wasn't going to allow herself to go there. Natalie hadn't paid attention to where she was going until she heard shouting. She froze, jittering uncontrollably. She looked down at her shaking hands. She took a deep breath and repeated the mantra she learned in therapy. “I’m okay; I'm not in danger, not right here.” She calmed down enough to stop shaking; she wished she was thankful she didn't freak out in front of her coworkers. They would have probably thought she was crazy; they would be right, though she felt crazy most days. She just wished she could get a grip on herself and be normal.

It wasn't until she reached a large, double-sided mirror, which is where she found the source of the yelling, that she wished that she hadn't. Agent Hotchner was disheveled, but in a way, Natalie only thought was possible in movies: he looked devastatingly handsome, his suit jacket was off, and he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. He had been shouting so much that he worked up a sweat, causing his hair to stick to his forehand.

She hadn't heard the best things about him from Strauss; she thought he was arrogant and insubordinate, but some part of her couldn't help but admire him in his element. Either way, it was dangerous for her to admire him; she couldn't fall in love because she knew that. Aaron started to gather his things, clearly frustrated. Natalie scurried away, resuming her mission; she didn't like to deal with angry men. Aaron felt like he was being watched and wanted to figure out from where, but was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing "Hotchner.” He responded that he was filled with the melodious voice of the tech assistant. “Tell me you love me." Aaron usually appreciated Garcia’s playfulness, but he was not in the mood.

"Garcia, the interrogation went nowhere; I don't have time for this.” Aaron tried not to take out his frustration on Garcia, but it still seeped through.

"Okay, fine, I’ll get to it after Reid theorized about there being another Unsub. I did some research on the name that Slessman's grandma gave, and it turned out to be an intimate name that he was infatuated with.” Garcia responded, “Garcia, you're an angel. Thank you!” Aaron huffed out a bit of praise.

"So, how’s it going with the new agent?” Garcia asked Aaron, figuring that Morgan had already told her about how he froze this morning like an idiot.

“It's going fine.” He simply responded that he wanted to focus on finding Heather, not his unprofessionalism this morning.

“Derek told me you were staring her down this morning; does someone have a crush?” Garcia whispered back in response. Aaron sighed; he knew Garcia was going to ask about that.

“Garcia, there is a woman's life at stake, so let's please focus on that.” Aaron simply replied back in a tired tone.

“Alright, I got it. I will stay on topic, but I didn't hear a no.” Garcia perked up, laughing to herself.

“Goodbye, Garcia. Call back only if it's about the case.” Aaron responded a little sternly, shutting off his phone. Natalie didn't know what to think. The woman was right; he didn't deny that he didn't have a crush on her, which almost made her excited, but that feeling was quickly overtaken by nausea. No, he couldn't love her; he was just trying to get the woman off the phone, that's all. Natalie assumed Aaron had left, so she let out a sigh and was frightened when his voice announced, “Who’s there?”

Natalie panicked and then realized how stupid she was for being scared. It was unlikely her boss would do anything, especially not in a police station, so she revealed herself. She immediately regretted that decision. When she saw Agent Hotchner's face fall, she realized she was in a compromising position.

“I know how this looks." She realized that she had fallen into a clique, which is not what it looks like, but what else can you say when your boss thinks you may have been spying on him? He didn't say anything for a few moments; she felt her palms getting sweaty, and her throat got dry. Then he started to move closer to her until he was so close that his breath was blowing on her, and then her heart started to race. “What was happening?” she thought. He looked straight into her eye, his expression unreadable.

"So then tell me what exactly was happening, because to me, it looks like you’re spying on me.” Now that she understood his expression, he was angry with her.

She stammered, “I wasn't; I was just trying to find a vending machine.” He moved even closer to her, which she didn't realize was even possible.

Aaron was angry; he disregarded how his heart sped up being so close to Agent Price, but now his suspicions were confirmed that she was mainly an inside person from Strauss. It was no secret that his superior and he, to put it lightly, had differences in where they had seen the BAU going, and he was constantly fighting to keep it running. Deep down, Aaron knew that's not really why he didn't like Natalie; the real reason wasn't her fault and had everything to do with him. “Let me make something clear, Agent Price. I know why you really took this job, and I refuse to let you shut down the BAU. You may have fooled someone else, but not me.”

Natalie was very confused. It was true that she had an ulterior motive for working at the BAU, but it had nothing to do with him. She nearly laughed at the accusation that she was some evil mastermind trying to shut down the BAU from the inside.

Then she got mad: “I’m no one, Lacky Agent Hotchner, and you must not be a very good profiler if you think otherwise. She nearly spit, staring him straight in the eyes. He didn't say anything, but Natalie heard the rumblings of people around her and quickly stepped back. From an outside look, it could look like two people about to—well, not threaten each other.

Aaron didn't take his eyes off of her, though. “Then why did you take this job? It's no secret that Strauss wants to dismantle this team; why are you here then?” Natalie couldn't answer that because she was here for somewhat selfish reasons. She just held her head down, not meeting his eyes. “I can’t tell you that," she whispered.

Aaron swallowed, but she still felt the heat of his gaze. Aaron felt a pit forming in his stomach. “That's what I thought.” Aaron stepped back, and soon after, Morgan called him to discuss something about the case. Natalie decided to just go back to her room, forgoing her original mission of trying to find something from the vending machine.

Slessman's cellmate was a dead end; literally, he had been dead for 2 months, and Agent Hotchner decided to call for a break until the morning at this news. Nobody wanted to, but there were also no leads, and everyone was exhausted. They pulled into the hotel they would be staying in until they found Heather. Or the killer struck again; Natalie just tried to focus on the hotel. It was pretty gaudy, covered in lights, and probably 10 stories high. It came with a full staff that doted on the entire team. Natalie didn't like being doted on, and she couldn't help but think about how much money just one night would be here. She always thought about how much money something was worth. That's just a result of growing up poor, she guesses.

It was going to take about an hour to get their rooms ready, and since room service was closed for the night, the team had no choice but to go out for dinner. If Natalie didn't have to take her medications, she would have just sat in the lounge until her room was ready. She felt numb; doing anything but help Heather felt wrong, especially when she had the means to help her. But she was back in another SUV, and this time she rode with JJ and Prentiss; she couldn't stand to be near him. No one said anything; there was nothing that really mattered except Heather, so they just listened to the radio. They pulled up to a diner, which had a large sign illuminated in the front: "Hanks.” It read that the outside was packed with cars, which gave Natalie hope that the food was at least decent. The rest of the team was already sitting inside.

“They must have sped here.” Prentiss laughed as the women made their way to the team.

They took up nearly two tables. Natalie strategically sat near Morgan and Reid, hoping that they would just bicker with each other and pretend that she didn't exist. That didn't happen, though Morgan spoke up first. “You don't talk much,” he said, with his usual smirk on his face. Natalie almost dropped her hamburger; she didn't think anyone cared about what she had to say. She took a bite, fully chewing, before she spoke. “I just talk when I have something important to say.” Apparently, this was funny because Reid spoke up. “Maybe you should take some notes, Morgan.” Morgan rolled his eyes at that.

Natalie turned her attention back to her hamburger, savoring every bite. Morgan clearly wasn't okay with this, though. “Well, how are we supposed to become friends if you don't talk?” He posed this as a glaring problem, and Natalie was even more confused. “You want to be my friend?” She asked; it would take her around 5 seconds to name all the friends she had, and she wasn't that committed to making any others. Regardless, she didn't mean to sound so surprised; it wasn't like she didn't want to be friends with him; she was just weary of men, which wasn't his fault. She wasn't friends with anyone back at Narcotics, so she assumed it would be the same here.

"Of course, and friends know things about each other, so what's your deepest secret?” He prodded.

“My deepest secret? She replied skeptically; she didn't know what to reply to. He was definitely making fun of her, she thought. Her face felt hot, and she spent all of her energy trying not to think about her deepest secret, which naturally had the opposite effect.

Reid sensed some anxiety from Natalie; he knew that Morgan was just messing around, but something about this question seemed to really bother her. So he decided to switch the conversation: “Diners, originally called lunch cars and contrary to popular beliefs, emerged in the 1920's; however, they were made popular in the 1950's." Reid continued to spout facts about diners, but Natalie had subtly tuned out, and the more she figured out what her deepest secret was,.

“I didn't like the first Scream movie," she replied, not talking to anyone in particular. She was met with a gasp by Reid. “How could you not like the first Scream movie? It changed cinematic history forever.” Apparently, Reid likes movies. Natalie thought, “I don't know; I thought the characters were annoying, and at a certain point, I wanted them to all die, I guess. She took a pause. “I think it would have been much more interesting if Dewie was one of the ghost faces.” The team started to laugh at the banter between the two, and for the moment, Natalie felt relaxed and at peace. For a moment, she forgot about why they were at the diner in Seattle; she forgot about how her boss hated her; she forgot about what her therapist had described as an avoidant attachment style; and she just enjoyed the moment.

The wheels in Spencer’s head were turning though, and his thoughts were going a million miles a minute. Eventually, he spoke up: “Natalie, I think you may be onto something.” Everyone stopped laughing and looked at Reid, interested in what he had to say next. “I think we were right about having two unsubs, but what if we were not looking for an inmate but a correctional officer?” The team pondered this and snapped back to reality; apparently, plans had changed and sleep was off the table again. Everybody had finished their last sips of milkshakes and taken the final bites of their food. Natalie was confused about how the doctor had even arrived at that conclusion, but she didn't question it.

What she did question was why Agent Hotchner insisted on dropping her off at the hotel. She knew that they had argued earlier, and maybe she wasn't as helpful as the others could be, but she didn't think she would be taken entirely out of the investigation. He didn't look at her at all during the ride and just turned on the radio. Natalie certainly wasn't going to make conversation, so they sat in silence. She wondered why he even bothered to drop her off, if he hated her that much. It was clear why he didn't just ask one of the officers to do it; in fact, why did he even care about her safety? It was these contradictions that made her furious. Natalie just got out silently when they arrived at the hotel and mumbled a thank you to Aaron.

It was two a.m. when Natalie heard the news that Heather Woodland was found alive. She had to live with lifelong trauma, but she was alive and was returned to her family. Natalie was grateful that she was alright but worried about her recovery. She knew firsthand what it was like to deal with lifelong trauma. Reid was the first person to call her and tell her the news, and she was grateful for that too. Natalie felt like she could finally sleep; she had been fighting it for hours, just staring at the ceiling, wondering if her newly found friends were being shot at or had even died. Natalie was quickly learning how different things worked at the BAU, and even though Aaron would never believe her, Natalie really didn't want to shut it down.

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Ginsei Souma Story

Well, this is the last of these stories that I can translate. The fanbook's got 5 other stories - four being associated with the seasons and one extra I don't know enough JP to understand what's it's about... and I'm too lazy to mtl the title (plus I don't remember which of those have/haven't been translated, and am also too lazy to check that right now since im driving myself crazy trying to download video stuff 😅).

Anyway, I don't know what I'm going to translate next month, but I should have more free time then so I'll hopefully get back to creating a backlog of translations... though if I don't, I guess I'll do things week by week, or whatever my schedule allows (sorry but r/l priorities>tl unfortunately hahaha).

anyway, this story was originally published in B’s Log 2020年9月.

enjoy!

Hakuoki Ginsei B’s Log 2020年9月 Souma Short Story “Fumidzuki (文月)” [meaning the 7th month]

Translation by KumoriYami

During the start of summer, at the beginning of July

The days completely felt like summer, but the evenings/nights were still a bit cooler.

"...Ah, speaking of which, today is Tanabata [Star Festival]."

I was patrolling headquarters, and stopped in front of the bamboo branches decorating the inside of headquarters.

The bamboo of the Tanabata were decorated with paper strips and streamers, which were made by Toudou-san and Harada-san to properly celebrate/enjoy Tanabata.

…While I stood there, lost in thought, as I stared at the bamboo, a voice came from behind.

"Souma-kun? Good work on your patrol/Patrol must be exhausting."

"Ah... Yukimura-senpai. It's quite late, so why haven't you gone to sleep?"

"It's been getting very warm at night and I couldn't sleep. so I'm cooling off while reading these tanzaku [the pieces of paper that wishes get written on during Tanabata]."

Yukimura-senpai stood beside me, and looked up towards the bamboo/looked up hopefully at the bamboo [*same note as the eighth next line].

"This tanzaku, is it Nagakura-san's? It says "I want my swordsmanship to reach the pinnacle.""

"Ah, next to Nagakura-san's is Nomura's. Although he doesn't he say that he wants to win against the executives, he still wants to beat me."

As I watched this scenery swaying in the wind, I abruptly asked with interest.

"Senpai, what do you wish for?

"Huh?"

"As expected, you still want to find your father as soon as possible and return to Edo with Kodo-san…."

"Of course I wish for that…[though] I asked for something else on my tanzaku. I wished that everyone would be healthy."

Senpai had a slightly forced smile as she looked up at the sky [ the word for 'looked up' here can be interpreted so that this says "looked up at the sky hopefully"].

If you looked up, you could see that the night sky had spread like after the tide receded, and how silver skies flickered as they formed the Milky Way [or something. confusing structure].

"There were many people injured during the patrols, and apart from that, with the sudden heat after Tanabata, the number of people getting sick has also increased. We should look for countermeasures."

"...Senpai really is like a doctor."

"My level of knowledge is only to the extent of what I've heard about."

Senpai was very humble, but I didn't think like that.

I had seen Senpai learn how to tie bandages, studying medicine and do other things when she's not doing chores...

I also know that when Matsumoto-sensei visits, he teachs her together with Yamazaki-san.

And most importantly, she acts with kindness, which is essential for a doctor.

"Water needs to be drank frequently, and the time and place of practice/training needs to be changed. Although various types of assistance can be obtained…"

I open my mouth to ask Senpai who was reflecting on the problem.

"For cooling off in the summer, what about this? It's something the Chief specially prepared for Tanabata."

"This is...?"

What I brought out was a very small wind chime.

The sound that reverberated in the night wind was very crisp.

"It might just be a matter of mood, but it becomess cooler when you hear that sound."

"Nn... I think it's great. It's incredible how just one sound can make such a big difference."

It's wonderful.

---end---

[the-wales-5]

"Crazy for this girl" (Chapter 4)

William's friendships have blossomed throughout the time. He was often seen talking with several people in the dining hall and taking part in rugby matches frequently. His relationship, however, was on the rocks. The prince was aware that it was just a university thing and wouldn't last for a long period of time, but Massy-Birch’s constant complaints were an obstacle for him to find peace, furthermore he could not understand her at all. At last, he decided to have a conversation full of honesty.

“I feel like I do not matter to you anymore, Willy!” she said and pretended to cry

“I am sorry that our relationship is not as normal as you expected it to be”

“I knew what I was getting myself into! Don't treat me like a child, Willy”

“For God's sake, stop calling me ‘Willy’. You know that I don't really like that nickname”

“Oh, really? It was not an issue for you earlier”

“In fact, I do have an issue with lots of things these days” William closed his eyes

“I gather that you've got a problem with me as well” Massy-Birch rolled her eyes

“This is absolute nonsense. Why are you trying to inflict something that is not true?”

“You keep ignoring my calls, my text messages, you even avoided our one-month anniversary four days ago! Isn't that a big issue for you?!”

William tried not to scoff “Well, I'm sorry if you expected something more expensive than a new pair of earrings. And no, I am not treating you like a child as you put it. I am doing the exact opposite. I am trying to protect you and to maintain a remotely normal relationship”

“By avoiding it all the time? Why couldn't you even invite me for coffee somewhere? Is it a part of protection? You know, I also do have a problem - with your immature attitude!” his girlfriend said louder.

“We're just twenty years old. What do you expect? Nobody's ready for commitment at our age” William said a little bit louder but added calmly "Listen, it is difficult to organise those coffee dates days in advance, I've been avoiding calls not only from you but everyone, so as not to get hacked as it often happens in my family, and I've got many other things on my mind meanwhile” William exhaled deeply

“Well then, name one of those things! Let us talk in a normal way. Name at least one thing that bothers you apart from our relationship” Carley scoffed. There was silence for a moment, and William finally said “It's complicated, way too much than you think”

“No, it is not complicated at all. This is just another sick excuse of yours” Massy-Birch screamed and left the room.

William took a deep breath. At that moment, he was certain the thing between the two of them made no sense anymore. Therefore, when a day later, Carley told him that she shared the same view, it brought him relief.

*

“Isn’t she coming to greet you? Is there trouble in paradise?” was the question asked by one of William's friends when they were waiting for one of the seminars, days after his relationship between him and Carley ended.

“No. We're no longer together” William said and took a sip of water

“Oh, already?”

“They all seem annoyed” Fergus remarked as he looked in the direction of Massy-Birch, who was with two other girls, all sending evil looks towards her ex-boyfriend. “What was the reason? Was she out of your league?”

“I am not categorising women like that” William said, feeling quite annoyed by the claim “She is such a nice person, and we both love the countryside. This is not enough to keep a relationship for long, though”

“Are you still missing your previous girlfriend?” Oliver Baker asked

“That’s not the case either. My relationship with Arabella belongs to the past now”

“And what are your plans for the future?”

“Certainly not fortnight relationships like some of the couples here. I'd rather focus on organising you-know-what”

“Are the girls invited?” Fergus teased

“Stop asking me questions as if it was royal press conference"

“Is anyone aware if there will be a test from the information we were covering last week? I am not sure I am well-prepared”

“As always, Oliver” Fergus laughed

“Speak for yourself. I was not the one who could not attend one of the classes last week because of “sick leave" or rather a hangover”

“Stop it. Let's just see what happens“ Fergus replied and chuckled.

Although he did not like those particular classes, William was glad that it was starting at that moment, as it was an excuse for him to be out of his ex-girlfriend's sight.

**

Chapter 5