#oh see! there was the hurt (:
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
11K notes
·
View notes
Text
i don't normally participate in these redraw challenges but it's megumi so i'll make an exception
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk megumi#megumi#looks at clock UHHHHHHHH oops#i got lost in the sauce that is rendering his gd chin and under his lips.... ive been in stylized anime mouth land 2 long i fear#i had forgotten how much of a pain those shadows are :'>>> eSP at a lookdown angle#fought a bit but little did he know i spent years doing coloured pencil portraits. this is My domain#god but the rest of the skin render was so FUN i love . warm grey in2 brown in2 red/orange fr the deep underneck shadow#lip tint heavy blush freckles glossier model fushiguro megumi...........im a believer i fear#had a bit of a hard time finding a middle ground between how i normally draw his hair and a more Realistic take on it#the model in the og has hair that's pretty close but i think the strands r a bit short n too heavily curved fr my tastes#its my brand im afraid i simply must give itfs both longer hair#nothing else feels Right#but god i underestimated how Good this photoshoot is as megu material . i get the hype now i get it#i did the sketch n i looked at it and i had an oh /oh/ moment#smh megumi put those lustrous emerald orbs away before u hurt some1#his gaze is too powerful . slaps a red bg on him makes him my new icon :)#anyway its 6am it is morning time do i sleep fr like 3 hrs or do i say megumi voice Whatever we shall see
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
hey have you guys heard of that movie. yeah the obliterating masterpiece on trans identity
#i know i’m frequently dramatic but i’m being so serious when i say you have to see this movie. oh my god#as these reviews hopefully imply it will hurt. it is a viscerally hurtful movie#i’ve never been so desperate for a happy ending to a story. i wanted a happy ending for the protagonist so much it hurt#just a remarkable story about transness and identity and fear and longing and isolation#god i’m going insane#i saw the tv glow#jane schoenbrun#orating!
2K notes
·
View notes
Note
What do you think of Rook's savanaclaw card? <333
I didn't get him (and I need to save my keys for Silver's birthday, sob) so I looked up his groovy, and I'm not over how incredibly dramatic and epic and cool it looks in direct contrast to the absolutely ridiculous context. just look at that dynamic action and his majestic sparkling tears and keep in mind that this is pretty much right after a bunch of characters have been dance battling for his soul.
and then even the actual moment of the groovy is just like
this is NOT a negative in the slightest, I love it all, this truly was an incredible update in so many ways
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#to be fair it's not COMPLETELY wacky there is actual drama going on#but that's inbetween rook's dream-vil and neige being totally hilarious at each other#'i shan't let you hurt this beautiful child!' 'vil no! if they were to harm your beauty i would be crushed by sorrow!' <- actual dialogue#also neige seeing vil as a mother figure. it's WONDERFUL and i hope real-vil never finds out because this would kill him#just like he killed neige multiple times in his own dream! :)#there was so much wild stuff in this update and not in the least was that the second time vil realized he was in a dream#his reaction was to KILL EVERYONE and cackle maniacally about it#god forbid a queen do anything i guess#anyway i also love the contrast between what i assumed savanarook would be like and what he was actually like#'he looks so wild...what kind of dangerous dream will this mighty hunter have...'#oh no he's actually just an adorable movie geek who is SO EXCITED to share his hyperfixation with us#somehow less intimidating than regular rook#and yet still a delightful little freak. his BEDROOM#the background artist went SO ham on it. truly the magnum opus of twst backgrounds#there are a bunch of little details it is SO worth zooming in on#(including a tiny little picture of che'nya! which...actually i think that implies rook may have stolen an rsa yearbook or something)#(that's our rook! /sitcom laugh track)
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Good morning, Sleepyhead.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
padmé is as possesive and obssesive as anakin she just doesn't seem like it. send tweet.
#silly posting#anidala#padmé amidala#anakin skywalker#i have a very specific way of thinking of them and it's that...their relationship isn't abusive but isn't normal nor very sane but it works#and it works because both of them are just so abnormal so their messed-up-ness works well like it balances each other#and it's as good as it can get for the both of them and it doesn't really hurt the other#but if they were hypothetically with another more normal person? oh hell bye#vaderdala is another can of worms though i think a more evil padme sees her husband as someone she owns and vader feels safe with that lmao
180 notes
·
View notes
Text
had a thought
#i forgot i had a tumblr#scratches head.. i have like a backlog of drawings from the svsss gotcha but idk if im posting them individually. guess we'll see#luo binghe#dave strider#scum villian self saving system#homestuck#oh that hurt. oh i need a minute#haven't used that tag in a while#this was born of “oh its cute binghes huadian is sometimes drawn as a shape as a shortcut”#“what other red symbol i changed bc i was too lazy to– oh.”
155 notes
·
View notes
Text
I haven't drawn Floyd that much take some warmups
#rainyart#trolls#trolls branch#trolls floyd#trolls band together#ceo of drawing things a million people probably have but IDFC!!!! the song literally came into my shuffle as i was drawing the first slide#AND IT HURT REAL GOOD SO I HAD TO OKAY#i have so many thoughts about floyd i kinda tried to convey the vibe of a fucking 10-12 year old kid whos grown up in a very very fucking#disfunctional household who knows he's doing a really horrible thing but he is just SO fucking tired. SO tired and needs to get away#and man i GET IT okay. i get it. why wouldnt he wanna get away okay! of COURSE he would wanna get out and establish himself/figure out who#he is outside of a group! without a label to define how he acts!#oh my fucking GODDDD#but my boy..... branch.... branch!!!!!1! 😭😭😭💔💔💔#anyways anyways anyways. yap sesh over ill see you all next time teehee 😁💥 *kicks my feet*#if u read all that. we r kissing
233 notes
·
View notes
Text
Please. I don’t want to hurt you.
Inspired by @wyvernne ’s vampluc
#sad and angsty vampire turned against his will and only drinks from animals because he sees himself as a monster#which leaves him incredibly weak and thirsty for real sustenance but he would rather drink his own blood than hurt you#his control will only last for so long!#sorry for being incredibly inactive and unresponsive with asks#lots of change in my life right now that’s leaving me incredibly anxious#can’t focus well so I just avoid things constantly. im sure someone can understand what I mean#oh well#diluc#my art#genshin impact#vampluc
486 notes
·
View notes
Text
ghost fucking soap so hard and so good he passes out but he utterly panics about it
he thinks he must’ve ignored soap asking to stop; was it pain that made him pass out? how bad could it have been to make him pass out when he’s been shot and kept going? should he bring him to medical? he’ll never touch him again, he’ll never so much as look at him again; he’ll ask for a transfer- fuck that, a dishonourable discharge. there’s no coming back from this
he spirals, guilt chasing hatred chasing despair chasing fear, until soap finally wakes back up
soap's still floating, loose-limbed and buzzing; fucked so thoroughly out of his head that it takes him a while to notice ghost isn't in bed with him anymore. he frowns, lifting a heavy head off the pillow and freezes. ghost's on the other side of the room, curled up tight in the corner as far away from soap as he could get without leaving him alone
(he would've left, would've made sure soap never had to see his face again and be reminded of what he did to him, of the monster he’d let into his bed- but he couldn't just leave him unconscious; what if he didn't wake up, he had to make sure he was safe first even if he'll rightfully hate him forever when he does wake up)
soap's voice when he calls out to him makes him flinch, his head burying deeper in his knees. cold worry chases the bliss from his blood and soap pushes himself up but his shaking arms can't hold his weight
the sound of him collapsing back onto the bed makes ghost rear up, his panic growing and soap's heart breaks at his red rimmed eyes
it takes a long time for soap to coax him back to the bed, countless loops of, "sweetheart, please, come here, what happened? it's okay, everything’s going to be okay.”
(and how ghost’s self-hatred grows hearing soap comforting him; hearing the concern and love in his voice when he doesn’t deserve a drop of it)
it takes even longer for ghost to believe soap when he says that he passed out because he felt so good; that he never asked ghost to stop, never wanted him to stop. that he trusts him more than anything and knows he'd rather die than ever hurt him, especially like that
“you’re not a monster, love,” he promises, soft with conviction and it’s as much a surrender as a relief when he collapses into his lap and lets him hold him close
ghost believes johnny but he still can't bring himself to be intimate with him for a while; that fear still haunting him, but soap doesn't hold it against him, doesn't complain about ghost's perceived "step back" in their relationship
hell, ghost seems to hate it more than he does; he misses being with soap, misses the connection, the closeness they shared, the safety and quiet he found in his embrace, but he's always trusted soap more than he trusts himself
soap doesn't let him be consumed by his fear or worse, sabotage them and turn it into a punishment; doesn't let him even get through the suggestion of switching because he knows how much he hates it and he won’t let him twist something as good and pure as their physical love into something self-harming
instead, he brings them back to the basics, working through the steps to get ghost comfortable with intimacy again, to get him to trust himself again; spends happy months just grinding and exchanging handjobs like when their relationship first started
and it's a happy day for them both when soap finally falls apart on his cock once again, anxiety the farthest thing from ghost's mind when his arms are wrapped so tightly around him, kissing a smile against his lips
#i dont want to know what it says about me but i love traumatic misunderstandings?#thing like thinking the other is sh’ing or has an ed or in this case pushed the other beyond their limits#i think its the knowledge that its not true and the love or trust of the souple will win out above the guilt or fear#even less severe ones like thinking the other is mentally ill when they actually time traveled or can see ghosts or whatever#i just really like misunderstandings that have actual weight to them#tw for ghosts comic backstory#but ghost surviving roba and the hell he put him through only to be terrified of being like him? oh that shit Hits#like ghost knows hes fucked up he knows he has trauma and he knows he likes killing people a little too much#but him being scared of that twisting into him becoming like the people that hurt him? very interesting very painful#and him ever thinking that he did that to /johnny/? it would destroy him#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#soap cod#john soap mactavish#we’re a team. ghost team#save post#ghoap#call of duty#cod#cod mw2#cod mwii
238 notes
·
View notes
Text
North and Simon: (shaking hands on killing Simon potentially)
#detroit become human#north wr400#simon pl600#markus rk200#josh pj500#jericho is just... so funny to me as like. how they function (or dont)#like im v glad that i did a Good Job my first run and no one hated me but i also felt like a very distraught parent#in regards to how markus is just able to either hurt them (by suggestions OF THE OTHERS IN THE GROUP)#or help them because hey what the fuck i just dragged simon to safety and now north wants me to kill him#and then simon like oh no north got shot you should leave her BUT ! i saved her and made simon happy#so its like you know what they have to have some animosity but also respect#i feel like i wanna see more of north and simon being buddies ... and i might have to do that myself#but i also apologize if this is ooc for them because i really did only just play through once and got a not good end#i probably missed a lot of lore and stuff so im v sorry if im Messing Them Up#its currently just me liking their designs and vibes and hoping im not ruining other fans lives by being wrong#and i honestly dont know when north would kill simon but hes on her possible victims list#so since both of their victim lists include themselves for suicide it just reminded me of the meme#with im so mad im gonna (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health)#and it was like yeah watch north be like im gonna (well if i cant kill myself because markus said no suicide) murder someone
160 notes
·
View notes
Text
Good Omens 2 - Glasses On
See also: [ Good Omens 2 - Glasses Off ]
#good omens#oh that last one hurts though#david tennant#michael sheen#crowley and aziraphale#ineffable husbands#gos2#good omens season 2#goodomensedit#I am glad we got to see his eyes so much in s2#hopefully they won't stay hidden for all of s3 either#poor dear#stuff i posted
741 notes
·
View notes
Text
[MASTERPOST] I've been having a day, so you all get what should have been, if things went differently!
A little crop because I really like it too :3
#jaskier#geralt of rivia#geraskier#the witcher#geralt x jaskier#the witcher netflix#geraskier lovechild#omegaverse#you better believe Geralt starts to dream about this once he gets to know Milek - and he doesn't normally dream that much#that and. nightmares of leaving Jaskier alone on that mountain.#oh see! there was the hurt (:
907 notes
·
View notes
Text
(i'll never know what it's like to love you)
#oh you know how you end up putting your heart in a cage never to be hurt again#do you. see what i did there#DO U GET IT#METAL GRATE OVER HIS HEART AND ALL#implied couch#whatever whatever theyre aughhhh#i actually dont really like this comic because among other things i fucked up with the saturation of the colors but whatever#the lyrics are from 'white knuckle jerk' by will wood. ok#vw made me start drawing comics. one drawing isnt enough to express how much i hate them#what if they banged and it was sad#<- this tag is actually stolen from another vw comic that i saw a while ago and couldnt stop thinking about#trigun#trigun 98#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun maximum#trimax#nicholas d. wolfwood#nicholas d. wolfwood fanart#vash the stampede#vash the stampede fanart#vashwood#vashwood fanart#will wood#my art
251 notes
·
View notes
Text
"I was gonna say you're like a son to me.. but you're more than that."
"It ain't that complicated!"
How quickly that shoulder pat of comfort turned into a condescending one.
#he makes me feel so emo#this life was never meant for you but your fate was forced#the way dutch (and hosea) talks to arthur like he's stupid will never sit right with me#like they've been by his side over 20 years they KNOW he isn't stupid because if he was he would have been gone a long time ago#not only is arthur incredibly emotionally smart but he's a trained conman vault breaker gunslinger horse rider you name it#the fact that his own adoptive parents break him down like that hurts#it's a manipulation tactic on dutch's end - break your victims self esteem to make them chase your praise and approval#hosea I believe has just gone along with that kind of attitude but in a different way he just likes to jest lightheartedly#arthur doesn't see the difference though and it's understandable but he takes it to heart#the worst part is that hosea sees through his tough guy act and has called arthur out on it#his act is a defence mechanism to protect himself from being too vulnerable - in arthur's mind#and it isn't a sudden thing it's very likely something that has built over the years given the life he has lived#and hosea notices he knows this#but they still jab at arthur#oh it hurts#is he your son dutch? or is he your guard dog? your personal workhorse?#playing through the second time is opening my eyes more and more#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#mick rants#mick gifs#arthur morgan#dutch van der linde#liveblogging#you guys gotta understand - arthur seeks and longs for dutch's approval he'll never say it but it's the key motive behind his loyalty#and arthur *rejects* dutch's comfort#he doesn't *want* dutch to pat him on the shoulder because he knows dutch is digging them an even deeper hole#he doesn't want that touch he craves#it's so insanely monumental for such a small scene because it shows us how arthur feels without telling us
273 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Do me a favor and put your arms around me."
#ocs#original character#npcs#for#masks: a new generation#ruth and tony#antonio salvo#tony salvo#ruth blum#i did psychic damage to myself earlier imagining what their worst argument was like before they got divorced#the really nasty kind of arguments where you know just what to say to hurt someone. and you want to hurt them.#anyway then i needed to draw something cute and nice to soothe my soul#we're good#anyway#when ruth was using tony to get an annoying ex off her back#and tony was there to return a book to her. and just to see her.#tony very unused to physical contact because he thinks his super strength will break everything/anything/anyone so he pushes people away#but then!!#oh yeah#superheroes#true strike#truestrike#masks: overlook#masks: overlook city#thumbs up at overdeveloping npcs so they can properly pass their trauma down to the younger generation#went too long without drawing again and now i must pay the price
150 notes
·
View notes