#oh hogs from the 2000s i love you so...

[yourknightinshiningplastic]

oohh spooky mansion.... I miss you so...

[heyitsyn]

Prince Iwa-Chan

Oikawa!Sister x Iwaizumi Hajime

a/n: it aggravates me that my mans bara-arms-iwa-chan is so UNDERRATED!!!!

requests open!!

like look mom, im in love

ofc youre an oikawa

tbh, i dont think iwa wouldve been comfortable w you when yall first met

lets say youre a year younger than tooru

its a well-known fact that theyve been friends since they were really young so you, being oiks’ baby sister, was also part of your little trio

like lets say they met when they were 6

that would make you about 5

since yall have an older sister, you were exposed to the girly girl stuff like dolls and princesses

ngl, tooru was too thats why hes so flamboyant

but seems his fashion style refutes that

ya didnt hear that from me

anyways

tooru had already developed a deep fascination w volleyball bc he saw it being played during the 2000 summer olympics

but you remained w your sister and continued letting her treat you like a princess

im not really sure how old his sister is but lets say she was about around middle school when you were 5-6

however, tooru still made you play w him even though you didnt know how but you didnt care bc you were close w your brother so you would play ball w him

then came along iwaizumi hajime that tooru met from school

he found out that this boy also liked volleyball and tooru yeeted them both home so they could go and play at the back yard

you peeked from your window and you just thought iwa was the most handsome boy youve ever met

ofc, you just bolted down the stairs to where your brother and his friend was

oiks saw you standing by the door w a red face and him, being still a child and not understanding crushes, thought you were sick

he went to you and beckoned hajime to follow him inside

tooru sat you down and asked if you were okay but you just kept staring at hajime

he figured that you were just confused as to who this person was

‘oh! iwa-chan! this is my little sister, y/n! y/n, this is my classmate, iwaizumi hajime!’

cue iwa hitting him at the head

‘i can introduce myself perfectly fine, bakakawa!’

iwaizumi hajime,,,

iwaizumi hajimeee,

iwaizumi y/n

that thought made you turn even redder and you squealed in embarrassment before running back to your room

lmao what

if your personality doesnt align w this, i deeply apologize

i just think if you were an oikawa, you would bound to immediately also be drawn to this handsome specimen named iwaizumi hajime

he be getting the oikawas though

iwa was actually concerned but oiks waved it off

‘don’t worry, iwa-chan. shes weird like that. lets go toss the ball!’

so that was kinda how he met you

now, since hajime basically lived in your house by how much him and your brother hung out, youve slowly mellowed out and gotten to be friends w him

despite your hatred w bugs, you still went w them to explore just bc you wanted to be around hajime

lmao tooru youre now irrelevant

hajime didnt mind and he always made sure you were okay with the adventures of the day

even though you were only like a year younger, he cant help but baby you bc of your much smaller height than him and overall cute baby face

one day, they both came home from school all sweaty bc they raced home

‘iwa-chan! you can settle in the living room while i go shower!’

‘don’t call me iwa-chan, bakakawa!’

‘then stop calling me that!’

he sat down on the couch and started doing his homework when he heard you come home from school

lmao how do little japanese kids go back and forth from school to home at the age of 6

idek how to cross the street

‘tadaima’

‘oh, okaeri, y/n’

you perked up at his voice and you ran to the living room, seeing him

‘iwa-chan!’

he grunted and you threw yourself to him in a hug

if your personality doesnt align w this, i deeply apologize

i just think if you were an oikawa, you would bound to immediately also be drawn to this handsome specimen named iwaizumi hajime

part 2

tbh it doesnt even faze him anymore since you do this to him every time

he continues doing homework and just wraps one arm around you and starts patting your head

‘tooru-nii?’

‘shower’

‘okay’

then silence

but its the good kind of silence

you and iwa just sit there with you snuggled up on him while he continues to add numbers

then it was ruined

by the pterodactyl oikawa tooru who comes flying down the stairs and glomps on to iwa’s other side

‘y/n-chan! stop hogging iwa-chan!’

‘he’s mine, tooru-nii!!’

you pout while iwa turns and gives him a glare

‘shut up, bakakawa! and stop calling me that!’

‘aahh!! you were mine first, iwa-chan!’

‘i was never yours! be quiet!’

‘itai, iwa-chan!’

‘he’s mine forever! we’re going to get married so butt out, nii-chan!’

‘HAH?!’

once everything calms down, yall actually start your homework and work

‘anything happen today, y/n-chan?’

oikawa always asked that question bc he believes its his duty as older brother to be caught up in your life

thats actually annoying bruv

‘hmm, me and the girls in my class were playing princess tea party today and a boy asked to be my prince.’

‘WHAT!’

oikawa is 7 now and he faintly has an idea about crushes and his father made him promise that he would protect you from nasty boys

‘calm down, bakakawa’

iwa mumbled, continuing his homework but also paying attention

‘WHAT!? NO! WHATD YOU SAY, Y/N-CHAN! YOUR BROTHER IS THE ONLY PRINCE YOU NEED!’

‘i told him i already have a prince’

oikawa was so smug and crossed his arms

‘hm, serves them right-’

‘prince iwa-chan and i are going to get married and live in a castle so there’s no room for anybody else’

iwa had to double check and turned red really fast

like who was this iwa-chan

wait, what his name?

his name has iwa in it

is he iwa-chan?

y/n’s prince iwa-chan?

was he really iwa-chan?

‘NO! YOUR NII-SAN IS YOUR PRINCE! IWA-CHAN CAN BE YOUR KNIGHT OR SOMETHING! BUT IM YOUR PRINCE!’

you glared at tooru and shook your head

‘no. iwa-chan is my prince’

you were so shamless about this fact

lmao i want your confidence

from then on, youve called iwa as your prince

like his name on your phone is literally prince iwa-chan

then when you were in middle school, you’ve started calling iwa as haji-senpai

there wasnt even a large event that spawned this

well,,, actually,,

youve noticed that iwa hated the nickname ‘iwa-chan’ a lot and he hit tooru many times bc of it so you stopped calling him that bc you didnt want him to be mad at you

so you started calling him senpai bc he was technically an upperclassman

when you first called him this, iwa was lowkey shook

‘haji,,,, senpai?’

you nodded from your spot on the couch, not looking up from your homework

‘see? i can only call iwa-chan, iwa-chan! OOF!’

that was iwa hitting tooru at the face with his pencil case

‘y/n, you dont have to call me that. we’ve known each other since we were little so you dont have to call me by an upperclassman term’

you shrugged

‘i know. but you dont like it when you’re called iwa-chan, do you?’

‘not if it’s by this trash’

he jutted a thumb to the fallen tooru

‘so,,,, iwa-chan is fine?’

your eyes sparkled at the permission of being able to freely call him that without worry

he gulps at your face and turns away to hide his red face before nodding

‘my prince iwa-chan!’

‘no! my iwa-chan!’

‘shut up shittykawa!’

‘itai, iwa-chan!’

keeping up with the oikawas

this nickname will forever be stuck

since you went to the same middle school, you were known to be around your brother and iwa and even staying behind for practice to walk home w them

it became a bit of a joke to the team of you picking up your prince

one day, a teammate called iwa, ‘prince iwa-chan’ and he almost busted a fuse

was ready to square up bc only his babie can call him that

but when you came through the door

‘prince iwa-chan! your princess is here!’

he turned all soft and squishy and pats your head so gently that they couldnt believe this is the same boy who is the ace

you were interested in volleyball so you were kinda friends w the team but you didnt really care for the sport, mainly focusing on your academics

thats how it really was for you three

they focused on sports while you studied

oh my here comes highschool

oikawa and iwa were already known throughout the FREAKING PREFECTURE bc of how TALENTED THEY ARE AT VOLLEYBALL

and you were already known by your pretty face and your cute personality

basically genderbent oikawa

and just wanted to stop you from reading by telling you that you are beautiful and you are a KWEEN and you are a GODDESS and confidence is the most beautiful thing to wear and best of all, it’s free!!

ofc, youd have to go to aoba johsai bc your brother was there

‘y/n-chan! you need to go where your brother is! you love him, don’t you?’

‘sure, tooru’

you actually went to seijoh bc you would see iwa 

you didnt hear that from me

your first day, boys (and gals) were already flocking towards you when they saw you walking with iwa and tooru

still being the overprotective brother since day1, oikawa was just snarling at anyone getting close to his baby sister

lmao what baby

hes only like a year older

but iwa was being terrirorial protective bc he finds it as an obligation as tooru’s best friend and your childhood friend

when oiks wasn’t paying attention and being drowned by his fangirls, iwa was your bodyguard

there was this one boy who started walking towards you as yall were going to your class but hajime placed an arm around your waist and pulled you closer

‘oh? i’m only at the first floor, iwa-chan. don’t get all clingy now’

lmao, girl hes trying to show that boy that hes your unofficial mans and will cut off his family jewels if he tries to even BREATHE in your direction

umm,,, iwa’s not yandere in this one yall

iwa just rolls his eyes and makes you walk forward until yall are at your door

‘i’ll see you later, iwa-chan!’

‘yea yea. i’ll pick you up’

he starts to walk down the hallway but you poke your head back out and shout

‘i miss you already, prince iwa-chan!’

he turns red all over and freezes for a 0.0002 seconds before raising a hand without turning around

now ladies and genitals

this is when iwa-chan starts to catch feelings like he catches them spikes

your cute smling face and saying his dumb nickname that he actually loves was like a recipe for a stroke for him

it has come to the point at the mere thought of you would make him all flustered and red

it tripled over when this happened:

puberty was kinda late for you and you actually just woke up looking like a goddess one day and you were like, lmao what

your chest just ballooned up and your height just skyrocketed that your skirt was now very short

ew i dont know what i would do in this situation

you were self-conscious about this and was kinda scared 

obvs, you would scream for your mother and she and your father and brother bolts up to your bedroom thinking there was a whole michael meyers in your room

but when you explained that your uniform doesnt fit anymore, she starts making appointments to get you fitted for another one

but you had to wait for a few days

so you went to school looking like a whole snacc

more of a snacc than you did before

when iwa saw you, he had a literal nosebleed in the middle of campus and runs to the bathroom to get all cleaned up

why in the name of asahi do you look like that?!

when you saw your prince look at you in horror and run away, you cried

you were already very self-conscious and him doing that just topped the cake

cake that tooru doesnt have

oop imsorry

tooru reassures you that he had a nosebleed and he was just sick and ran to not get any blood on his clothes

but you just walked away with your head down low

it didnt matter to you if this caught all the student body’s attention

that their precious oikawa y/n, little sister of the oikawa tooru, was a walking perfection goddess Venus

all that you cared about was iwa’s opinions bc he was your prince and your best friend

girl, accept that you actually like the mans

this was the worst day of your entire life and you went straight to your locker to get your gym clothes out and wear it for the day

it was tight but at least it covered skin

and it still attracted enough attention to be catcalled and whistled at

it felt violating

the entire morning, there was more attention and more people flocked over to you and guys were staring at you as if you were a piece of meat, not a girl

‘harry potter is a boy! not a piece of meat!’

sorry i cant help it

you were so uncomfortable that you called your brother during lunch time to come pick you up for lunch bc you were too scared to walk alone after being catcalled during your walk to your class

tooru sends out iwa to go help you as an apology from this morning and he just runs to your class bc you were in trouble and he was going to protect you!!

go iwa-chan!

he finds you sitting on your chair, looking down at your desk as there seemed to be boys piled up on top of each other, trying to get your attention

first world problems, amirite

‘OI!’

that angry grunt but at 2x bass boosted

hearing his voice, you were still embarrassed from earlier but you were so relieved

‘iwa-chan!’

iwa pushes people away and he grabs your hand to pull you up before wrapping an arm around your waist, protectively

‘if i see you idiots making her uncomfortable or even trying to touch her, i will destroy you’

protection and the feeling of safety is my fave

he leads you out of there to the stairway where him and his teammates were eating

he held your hand tightly and you squeezed it, trying to show that you were grateful

even if they were still male, your brother was there and if something happened, they were both strong enough to take them on

besides, its just mattsun and maki anyways

tooru saw you and he hugged you before leading you to the 2 others

‘guys, this is y/n, my sister. that’s mattsun and that’s makki.’

you slightly smiled and raised a hand in greeting

‘yo’

‘hello’

to be safe, iwa made you sit a step down from him so that if something happens, he could protect you

idk how but you do you boo

‘i can protect her too, iwa-chan!’

‘shut up, shittykawa. youre literally sticks and bones’

‘so mean! iwa-chan, you’re so mean!’

you giggled, head leaning down to rest on iwa’s right thigh since you were full and tired and he runs his hand through your hair

mattsun and makki shared a look before asking

‘are you dating our ace, y/n-chan?’

at the mention of dating, you both turned red and you sat up

‘OF COURSE NOT, MATTSUN, MAKKI!’

iwa shouts but his red face and ears betrayed him

‘iwa-chan grew up with us so he’s naturally like that. we’ve adopted him into our family!’

oikawa explained but you looked at him and he gave you a knowing look

oh he noticed everything

the lingering looks during practice

the bashful smiles during hang outs at home

unnecessary touches during the walk to school

oikawa may be annoying but he’s observant and he is smart

after that fiasco, the two boys were a little wary of letting you walk home alone so iwa offered to take you since he was already making more progress and didnt need extra practice while tooru wanted to practice more

‘iwa-chan, can we go to your house this time?’

he turned to look at you curiously since you never ask to go to his place

‘i miss your mom and ive been meaning to go visit her. so can we, iwa-chan?’

you squeezed his hand and showcased your pleading look making him agree

‘fine’

his house wasn’t a frequently hung out spot since your house was closer but you were still familiar with his home since his mother was fond of you

‘tadaima’

mama iwaizumi peaked from the kitchen and greeted him home before squealing at the sight of the youngest oikawa

‘oh my, y/n-chan! hello!’

‘hello, auntie!’ 

she gave you a big hug and you returned it with a laugh

iwa just standing there to the side with a smile bc his mom approves so all is good in life

‘you’ve grown so much, y/n-chan! so much prettier too!’ you turned bashful at her compliments.

then she leaned forward to whisper in your ear but made her voice loud

‘say, has my son finally ask you to be his girlfriend?’

omg mama iwaizumi really ships it

iwa turns red and complains to his mom about being in his business too much

‘don’t be so timid, hajime! y/n-chan could be taken from under your nose any minute now!’

‘dont you think i know that’ he mumbles but very lowly so that no one hears him

but you decide to tease him more

‘no. but i’m waiting for it. i’ll tell you once he does, auntie!’

fed up with the teasing, he grabs you and drags you up to his room to change into comfortable clothing

you sit on his bed while he rummages through his closet for a sweatshirt and sweatpants

‘here! change into these!’ he shouts, still flustered and refusing to look at your eyes

youre an oikawa and you lived to tease so you stood up, tossing the clothes to the side and wrapping your arms around his neck

ooo gurl you want iwa to die today, don’t you?

he gets even redder and scowls

‘oi, y/n, what are you doing’

you shook your head

‘nothing. i just miss my prince iwa-chan. you were so brave for saving me today, prince iwa-chan’

the nickname used to not affect him that much but now, he watches the it fall from your cherry lips

‘say my name’

you furrowed your eyebrows

‘iwa-chan?’

he gently shakes his head no

‘my real name’

‘iwaizumi hajime’

you say, distracted at the way his mouth moves

‘and what’s yours?’

‘iwaizumi y/n’

you breathed out

he growls softly before taking your sinful lips

wowza jesus took the wheel bc he stepped on that pedal

we going straight 100 mph up in this bih

iwa really said, ‘skip the confession. imma go straight for my babie girl’s lips. also, proposal who? let’s go get married in vegas!’

it wasnt even been literally 15 minutes until you came bounding the stairs wearing hajime’s signature grey hoodie with his seijoh sweatpants and calling for your auntie to announce you were now dating are going to get married

‘WHAT!?’ 

she screams and comes running from the kitchen, holding a ladle

you flashed a grin while iwa shows a small smile with red cheeks from behind you before telling you that you were both too young to get married

‘i told ya you would be the first to know’

after dinner, you call your brother and hes like, ‘okay, since you’re not at home i’m assuming youre at iwa’s’

‘omgomgomg, nii-chan! i just had dinner with my boyfriend’s family! they accepted me!’

‘BOYFRIEND?! DOES IWA-CHAN KNOW!? HOW COULD YOU BREAK HIS HEART?!’

oikawa just has that special type of voice that even without being on speaker phone, it sounds like he is

iwa laughs at his friend’s worried questions

‘better hand over your princess to the prince, grand king’

oikawa screamed

i hope i did my mans justice 

[leviaju]

forgiveness

pairing: belphegor x GN! reader, hints of everyone x reader

words: 8.1k+

genre: angst, fluff at the beginning and a bit at the end if u squint

warnings: mentions of mc and lilith’s death, foul language

preview: “I’m sorry,” He begins, voice much weaker than anticipated. “I know that will never cut it, and it will never be enough, but I’m sorry.” 

“You’re right, Belphegor. It won’t cut it.”

hey guys what up. so... i’ve done a lot of thinking about belphegor’s dynamic with MC, and, like many others, was really bothered by the sudden switch after... he killed them. u know. typical stuff. i wanted to fill in the gaps!!! if im being completely honest, this has sat in my wips for.... like half a year. it’s my first time writing for obey me, so i hope that everyone’s not too terribly ooc LOL

anyways yeah. i mention how belphegor killed mc a couple of times, so proceed with caution! hopefully, if i get any ideas, the next stuff i write will be a lot lighter. hope you enjoy! (also requests r open soooooooo)

The weight on your chest crushed your rib cage, threatening to snap your bones like they were nothing more than twigs. All you could see was the pitch black of eternal night, and whether your eyes were opened or closed you couldn’t tell. What commanded your attention was the searing pain in your lungs, growing exponentially every half-second, and the unrelenting grip that was slowly shattering your esophagus. No matter how hard you struggled, squirmed and fought against the weight holding your body down, there was no use. It was pointless. The pain spread from the raging fire in your lungs to the tips of your fingertips, and everywhere felt as if you had been set aflame. Slowly, a light illuminated the force keeping you down. 

You couldn’t make out much, save for the cackle that rang insufferably through your ears, and the intense eyes that were staring you down. 

They held no remorse. 

-

Bones ache as you rest against your bed, finally allowing the tension in your muscles to melt away. You’d never mistake this feeling for regret of a busy day, having spent so much time with the people you care about, but it certainly took its toll on you. 

It began with Satan, who’d asked you the night before to accompany him on an early morning walk. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence — he’d invite you to join his morning routine on every day off, and you’d never refuse — hence, at the wonderful time of 7:00am, you were venturing around the Devildom, hand in hand with the Avatar of Wrath. The two of you would walk, occasionally resting on a park bench for longer than either of you would like to admit, for about an hour and a half before you took an official break. The time was filled with pleasant chatter and comfortable silence. Every so often he’d squeeze your hand, and when you’d look over, the fondest of smiles crossed his face. It was a reminder of how glad he was that you joined him. 

At around 8:30, he took you into a café for breakfast, and two of you spent only about thirty minutes there chattering away happily. For the most part, he was vividly and excitedly discussing a book he’d just finished the night before…

Until you were interrupted.

“Hello, lovely!” Asmodeus wrapped his arms around you from behind, just before pressing a kiss on your cheek. Satan sighed, resting his head in his hand as he watched the interaction. 

“My selfish older brother’s been hogging you all morning, I couldn’t help but want to whisk you away!”

Despite the glare Satan was sending his way, Asmodeus took a seat next to you, happily engaging in conversation as he completely ignored his brother. He told you that the mall was opening in about an hour, and Asmo desperately wished to get his perfectly-manicured hands on a new makeup product being revealed that day. 

“But of course I can’t go alone! How positively dreary that would be.” His fingers twined with yours as he looked at you hopefully, and you ran your thumb across his hand. A sheepish smile crept its way onto your lips, and you looked over at Satan. He simply nodded, flicking his hand as a gesture for you two to leave, and Asmodeus didn’t hesitate. He was quick to stand and pull you with them, holding tight to you as he whisked you away. You called out to Satan, now alone at the table with a reluctant smile on his face as he waved goodbye. 

“Thanks for breakfast! Get home safe!”

You almost missed the chuckle that left his lips, the café door closing behind you. 

Asmodeus kept you until noon. He got a hold of the lipstick he wanted almost right away, but insisted on buying an outfit to match the colour. Regardless of what you’d initially thought, the outfit wasn’t for him.

“Oh, we’ll look positively stunning together!” He exclaimed after about two hours of forcing you in and out of changing rooms, putting his hands all over you to “adjust the clothing” as he deemed necessary. Near the end, you could feel soreness deep in your muscles creeping in from such an active morning, but Asmodeus’ cheery face and constant flirtations helped you forget about it almost completely. 

It wasn’t until you got home that you truly felt the effects of on-and-off walking since early in the morning. Be that as it may, your stomach was growling, loudly reminding you that it was now past lunch. As much as you wished to give up on food for the time being and instead head to your room to collapse, the pain in your belly was enough to urge you to cease any arguments, instead ready to try and ignore the ache in your bones in order to quell the angry rumbling of your stomach. 

Unfortunately, when you finally made it to the kitchen, there was no food prepared. Instead, what you found was a dejected Beelzebub, frowning softly as he once again was at the receiving end of a lecture from the eldest of his brothers. As quiet as possible, you snuck into the kitchen, trying to listen in on their conversation. 

There was silence, followed by a sigh. 

“It’s easier to simply ask what’s going on as opposed to trying to eavesdrop, MC.”

You jumped, then bashfully made your way into the kitchen, a sheepish grin on your face. Lucifer was rubbing his temple. 

“Beelzebub was supposed to be on lunch duty, but ended up ‘taste-testing’ to the extent that he ate it all. Again.” Lucifer sighed. The typically perfect eldest brother was being run ragged, if the bags forming under his eyes told you anything. “So, instead of working on the papers I have to get finished for tonight, I’m stuck making lunch while he cleans up.”

Beelzebub’s frown tugged at your heartstrings, and in spite of the exhaustion clawing relentlessly at your bones, you relented. 

“Why don’t I help? Four hands are better than two,” you proposed, and a small smile graced Lucifer’s face. He lifted his hand to brush the disheveled black hair out of his face, and your chest ached just a bit at the sight. You made a mental note to drag him to bed for a nap the next time you saw him like this.

“That would be more than welcome. Please, if you may.” Already you turned to start working, but Lucifer’s voice made you pause. 

“But no feeding Beel. He’s eaten more than his fill already, he can wait until we’re all done.”

Needless to say, every so often you’d slip Beelzebub a piece of chopped vegetable or cooked meat, and he’d very happily (but quietly!) munch away, his expression radiating warmth and joy. And Lucifer, who seemed to almost be omniscient at times, never once mentioned it. Once the three of you were done cooking, Lucifer placed his hand on your head, patting you gently. 

“Good work, MC. I must leave now, but I trust that the two of you will be able to clean everything up. Your help was much appreciated. You will be paid back in kind for all of your hard work.”

If nothing else, the slight blush on Lucifer’s face as he ever-so-gently pressed his lips to the crown of your head was more than enough payment. 

“Thank you.” Beelzebub cleared his throat, washing the dishes as you dried them. “I… Thanks for helping. And feeding me.”

His smile warmed your heart, and you nodded, bumping your arm with his gently. The small bit of pink that dusted his cheeks compelled you to coddle him, but you resisted the urge. Barely.

“Anytime, big guy.”

After you ate lunch, the only thought in your mind was the prospect of curling up under your covers and passing out. The fretful, broken sleep the night before wasn’t helping at all in keeping you awake, and that on top of the rest of the day’s events had you yearning for the feeling of your pillows. 

Unfortunately, you hadn’t even made it through the door when your phone began to blow up, one notification after the other in quick succession.

GGKKJFLFJG

MC

CMOE QUIC K

PLS

SUPE R RARE EVENT IN MONONONOKE 

PELASE 

YOU HVE TO BE PARTNERED WIHT SOMEONE TO GTE THE PRIZE

MC

MC

PL E A S E

HURRYHURRYHURRYHURRYHURRYHHHUUURRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY

You found yourself in Leviathan’s room, sat in his lap as he explained the event to you. Your half-asleep brain did its best to keep up with his quick speech, but that, along with the warmth of his chest against your back, became the most soothing lullaby. 

“Hey! Normie! I agreed to let you sit here so I could easily help you through the event, but if you’re going to fall asleep on me, I’m pushing you off—“

“I’m awake! I’m awake. 

...Now, what was I supposed to do?”

The unintentional giggle that escaped your lips at his expression caused Leviathan to huff, exasperated, despite the flush of his face. Diligently, however, he thoroughly explained the event, for the second time, and the method to obtain the rare prize: a level 2000 I’m Going To Murder You So Hard That You’ll Come Back To Life Just To Die Again Death Sycthe, the strongest weapon ever released in the game. It was a partner event, which explained Leviathan’s desperate and urgent request for aid. You didn’t mind though. While yes, you’d probably never be able to get to his level of gamer, you were more than happy to go along for the ride. It made him happy! 

Leviathan rested his chin against your shoulder as he played on his phone, focused to such a degree that the usually easy-to-fluster demon was completely unphased by your proximity. Your phone, set to AutoFight, rested untouched near Leviathan’s leg, abandoned on the floor. You watched him expertly take out enemies that would have one-hit KO’d you through heavy eyelids, and every time he beat a wave of enemies, his attention would momentarily avert from the screen, looking at you from the corner of his eye expectantly. A kiss on his cheek was more than enough to motivate him to continue on, albeit with a pink glow on his cheeks until his attention was once again completely wrapped up in the game at his fingertips. 

-

“Levi! I said open up, goddamnit!” 

The pounding against the door was enough to distract Leviathan from his game, subsequently killing his character in the process. He groaned, cursing the demon who interrupted the two of you as he gently lifted you off of his lap, before getting up to open the door. 

“The hell do you want?!”

To be completely honest, you were so wrapped up in watching Leviathan play his games that you had forgotten about your weekly movie night with Mammon, who had come over to his younger brother’s room to drag your ungrateful ass  back to your own. Leviathan had cleared the event in Mononoke Land hours ago, but not wanting you to leave just yet, invited you to keep watching him play. Setting aside how tired you were, how could you say no? You’d wanted to spend time with him, too. 

Unfortunately, you lost track of time, and your phone, battery completely drained from the event, rested uselessly in your pocket. A consequence of this happened to be missing the countless messages and calls Mammon had sent your way, before he began his hunt for you throughout the house. The last place he checked was, of course, Leviathan’s room.

“Come on, human, I ain’t got all day. No one keeps the Great Mammon waiting!” 

“Except for MC,” you heard Leviathan mumble under his breath, and a laugh escaped you before you had the chance to slap a hand over your mouth. Mammon flushed deeply, before striding into his brother’s room. 

“Hey, wait, you moron! I never said—!” 

The force of Mammon throwing you over your shoulder wasn’t enough to hurt, but it certainly was enough to leave you breathless for a moment. “Let’s go, fragile human. I picked the perfect movie already.” Mammon’s words came out in a bashful mumble, but he had enough courage to lift his head and smirk at Leviathan as he carried you out of the room. All you could do was smile apologetically at the blue haired demon before Mammon turned, bringing you out of sight. 

Mammon was all complaints as he carried you to your bedroom, but you knew it came from a place of love. Even though he’d never admit it, you could tell he was hurt by you unintentionally ignoring him. Because of this, instead of demanding he let you down, you allowed him to hold you like this, not a single complaint leaving your lips. 

When he brought you to your room, you were set on the bed you’d missed dearly and he went to put the movie in the player. 

“Hey! No sleepin’ on me, alright? I wanna watch the movie with ya, and I can’t if you’re passed out, now can I?” 

And so here you are now, bed frame creaking as Mammon climbs onto the mattress. Rubbing your eyes, you nod, and lean into him once he gets close enough for you to. 

“Seriously, I’m gonna hafta have a serious talk with Levi,” Mammon grumbles, slipping his arm around your waist and pulling you in so that you’re almost in his lap. He pulls the blankets over the two of you as you rest your head on his chest, and hum quietly in return. “He used up all your energy, and now we won’t be able to get to enjoy the movie as much! Honestly…”

The vibrations of Mammon’s words can be felt through his chest, and you simply cuddle into him more and try to train your bleary eyes on the television screen. The Avatar of Greed shuts up completely when you take his hand in yours and press a gentle kiss to it, before doing your best to focus on the movie. As time passes, however, the idea of giving into your whims grows more than tempting, and oh-so-easy for you to do. 

-

“Hey! Yo, MC! Seriously… You’re hopeless.”

A chiding, yet gentle voice draws you from the confines of rest. You puff air from your nose in response, cuddling closer to whatever it was that had been so comfortable in the first place.

“MC… Come on. Ya gotta wake up, ya didn’t even watch any of the movie! It was really good, y’know.”

Mammon’s hand rubs circles on your back as you mumble incoherently, a noise to acknowledge the fact that he‘s been talking, and that you are indeed awake now. 

It takes a good amount of time, as well as some gentle encouragement from Mammon, to get you to finally open your heavy eyes, and even longer for you to be able to apologize to him for missing out on the movie he was so excited to watch. He pouts a bit, but the blush on the highs of his cheeks lets you know that he didn’t mind all that much. You smile and yawn, and his chuckle resonates in your ears. 

“I gotta go now, otherwise Lucifer’s gonna kill me for staying so late. Sorry I woke ya up, but ya look so tired now that you’ll probably fall back asleep right away.”

And so, after a quick goodbye and a kiss on the cheek (which made Mammon turn the prettiest shade of red), you close your door and… sigh. If you had been able to stay asleep, the fact that you aren’t in pajamas and haven't brushed your teeth wouldn't be that much of an issue. Now that you‘re slightly more conscious, however, it’s hard to convince yourself to simply climb back into bed. Your breath is bugging you a bit, and the jeans you’re wearing certainly aren’t at all as comfortable as your pajama pants.  For that reason, to your own dismay, you begin getting ready for bed — properly this time. 

A small “finally…” tumbles from your lips after you finish your nighttime routine. Lacking any form of grace, you plop into bed once more and pull the blankets to your chin, nuzzling into the pillow. Your bed still smells like Mammon’s cologne, and you hum softly to yourself before closing your eyes and waiting for sleep to take over once more, and hold you hostage until late in the morning. 

Alas, sleep seemed to be evading you now, similar to how you had ignored it during the day. The mattress you lay on simply isn't comfortable anymore, and the blankets that hug your body cause you to overheat. Unfortunately, if even one limb is out of the blanket, you get so cold you start shivering. None of your typical sleeping positions are anywhere near as effective as they typically are, and you’re left to wrestle with sleep alone, hoping to beat it into submission so you can finally get some proper rest. 

After about 45 minutes of tossing and turning with no results, you finally relent. The nap you’d taken while watching the movie royally fucked you over, and you groan. Eventually you decide to give up on trying to fall back asleep, and huff as you sit properly on your bed. 

Blanket dragging behind you as it drapes from your shoulders, you slowly make your way through the silent hallways of the House of Lamentation. The only sounds floating through the walls were the light buzz of electricity running through the wiring of the house, and your own footsteps as you began walking up one of the many staircases in the large building. 

You aren’t sure how long you’ve been walking, the passage of time different at night to a hazy mind, but eventually you arrive at your favourite area in the house, second only to your lush bedroom. There are no artificial lights, only the gentle cast of the night sky providing the ideas of shape in the planetarium. You’ve never seen stars so vibrant and bright, and there are so many more in the Devildom than anywhere you could go back home. Even though the only light comes from the stars, it’s enough to create soft, fuzzy edges around everything in the room; this includes the bundle of various blankets mussed in the centre of the floor. Slowly, cautiously, you make your way towards the pile. 

Since you’d arrived in the Devildom, the planetarium at the top of the House of Lamentation became your safe haven. Your room, without a lock on the door, was way too easy for intruding demons to enter without permission, and on nights when everything became too much for you to handle, you’d head up to the planetarium to clear your mind. There’s just something so calming about a starry sky on a clear night that releases you of your fears and anxiety, and helps you get a grip on the situation around you. 

After freeing a certain someone from their attic-based captivity, however, you learned that the planetarium was a place favored not only by you. Since he’d been freed, you’d been kind, but there were still fears plaguing your mind, reminding you of everything that has transpired between the two of you. It’s something that you can’t escape, following you even - especially - in your sleep, when you wished you’d be the most at peace. It makes sense, considering the sin he embodies, but you wish it wasn’t like that nonetheless. 

Once you’d learned that this was one of his favourite rooms in the house, especially on nights when he can’t fall asleep, you found yourself avoiding this area. It’s not that you hate him; it’s the opposite, really. Nevertheless, you can’t help but feel the tightening of his fingers around your neck, and the burning sensation in your lungs that’s screaming for oxygen, and the desperation to alleviate the seer of deprivation. 

Still, you trek on. Closer and closer to the pile of blankets, your gut cries to you to run away. You ignore it. The nearer you get to the nest of blankets, the faster your heart beats, the more lightheaded you feel. But you continue. 

Eventually you get close enough to make out the shape of a familiar pillow, the cow print on the case worn and well-loved. From the moment you walked in the room, you knew he was here. All the same, you walk on, and the only sounds in the room are the gentle taps of your clothed feet against the tile, and the quiet noises of your quickened breaths.

You’ve avoided being alone with him since… Since you… Since the event. Your heart screamed at you to forgive him, to love him just as much as you love his brothers. That said, there’s nothing in you that can stop your stomach from churning whenever he gets too close. 

Butterflies beat aggressively within your heart and stomach, and it’s years before you get within his range of sight, but you sit down on the floor, holding the blanket tight to your body. 

There’s one beat, 

two beats,

three beats of silence before you can hear him sucking in a breath through his teeth. In your peripheral you can see his lips parting, closing, parting again as he tries to find the words. He heard you walk in, and was pleasantly surprised when you didn’t immediately bolt in the opposite direction. However, this proximity leaves him with an entirely new predicament. He wants to talk to you, he wants to laugh and joke with you the way his brothers do, but one look at your face and he notices the dark bags under your eyes, and the frown that tugs at your lips as you stare up at the stars. He can hear your heart racing, and feel his own in the tips of his fingers. He opens his mouth again, but the crack in his voice betrays his usual collected personality. 

“I’ll go,” Belphegor begins, begrudgingly starting to gather his blankets. His body freezes when his eyes pass over your figure and you’re looking right at him, through him, and he swears he can feel the blood in his veins stop pumping. Your expression is unreadable, almost scary, and he’s never in his life been in fear of a human until this moment. 

The seconds pass as years do, both of your bodies chilled to the bone but neither of you able to look away. In the end, the one who casts their gaze somewhere else is you, and he exhales loudly. 

“Don’t.”

Your reply is simple, but he’s stuck in place. Slowly, he nods, sitting down again the way he had been prior, and pulling his beloved pillow close to his chest. He can’t breathe, the tension suffocating. It doesn’t help that now you refuse to look at him. 

“... If you want,” he replies dumbly, staring at the floor. He feels trapped in place, afraid to move and scare you off. Despite every nerve in his body screaming at him to leave you be, he stays. You told him to, after all. Slowly, you sit down, his blankets creating a low wall between the two of you.

It’s only now that he gets a good look at you. You're tired, he knows, watching as your eyelids droop and your lazy movements when you get more comfortable under your blanket, but there’s more to it than just that. You seem so fragile, like sugar glass, breaking with even the slightest amount of pressure. He feels he can reach over and shatter you with the gentlest of touches, and that thought alone roots him in place. Since you came back, he’s never seen you without a smile. Your genuine smile was the prettiest, he decided rather early on, one that lights up your face and brightens those around you. Belphegor really, truly loves your smile.

He knows there was a point in time, not long ago, where he could have made it so no one saw it ever again. He can’t help but be grateful he didn’t succeed when he sees you smiling at his brothers. 

That’s never the smile you show him though. It’s not for lack of effort; you certainly try, and he loves you for that. But the smile you show him is always plastered on, and he knows you’re doing it for his sake. With Belphegor, your smile never reaches your eyes. Be that as it may, you’re never weak around him. Fake smiles prove exactly how strong you really are, but your heart races every time he enters the room. As much as he wishes your palpitations are out of excitement, he knows better than to give himself false hope. 

That’s why he’s so taken aback when he looks you over and you seem so vulnerable. Never, not in a million years, would he ever let himself believe that you’d allow yourself to look weak in front of him, not after what he did. Even so, here you are, shaking, knees drawn into your chest, and his heart soars because you’re showing him a new side to yourself. It aches at the knowledge that you’re feeling so vulnerable because of him. 

His eyes burn holes in the side of your head. You know he’s watching you, studying you, but you can’t bring yourself to meet his gaze. Not when the hands he uses to pull the blankets over his body are the exact same ones that led you to your untimely and violent demise, and not when every time you look at his face, you can also see Mammon’s above you, sobbing as he tries to will you not to fade away into nothingness. 

There’s no putting it nicely. You were murdered, and Belphegor was the one who killed you. As much as he tries to pretend it never happened, to act around you the same as his older brothers do, you would never forget. Neither would he, regardless of the effort he puts into pushing the memory out of his mind. His chosen way of coping was to laugh with you, to get close and have you forgive him without acknowledging the situation. It was too painful to talk about, after all. He willingly, happily snuffed out the life of someone his brothers love, and someone he’d find himself loving too. You became someone who changed him, helped him grow and be better. It was easier, simpler to act as if you’d met him the same way you’d met any of his brothers. 

Belphegor killed one of the last remaining parts of his past, a part that, while once warm and light, mutated and infected him, causing his anger to grow out of control, like a weed that suffocates any flower that tries to flourish. He killed a descendant of his sister, and the fact that you’re here now is more of a second chance than he thinks he could ever deserve in all his millenia of living. 

And yet, here you are. Scared and shaking, but here. The silence has stretched on for longer than he’d like; he wants to be able to love you, openly and happily, but knows it won’t happen. It can’t, unless he does what he thought was the very last thing he’d do. 

“I’m sorry,” Belphegor begins, voice much weaker than anticipated. He can hear your heartbeat pick up, and he curses himself mentally. Your lip between your teeth, you remain silent. His nerves force him to speak more. 

“I know that will never cut, and it will never be enough, but I’m sorry.”

There’s more silence. He feels like he can’t breathe, the tense atmosphere forcing its way around his throat and tightening its grip. He doesn’t know how long it takes you to even contemplate replying, let alone allow yourself to respond. Belphegor’s ears ring almost deafeningly loud. He can’t take it.

“You’re right.” 

His eyes, which he trained to the ground, dart up to your profile once more. You pause, wetting your lips. 

“You’re right, Belphegor. It won’t cut it.”

There’s not enough time to process your words before he really, really looks at you. Almost fearlessly, you meet his eyes. 

Almost fearlessly. 

The shaking of your hands betrays the strength of your voice. Belphegor’s chest aches. 

“But…”

There’s a pause as you speak. He can’t look away again, even as your eyes meet the stars once more. There’s no chance he’ll miss a word you say, even if it tears him apart.

“It’s… it’s really difficult. I know you know that, but…”

Each time you pause, Belphegor’s mind begins storming. He can’t figure out what you’re going to say, or how you’re going to react, and it drives him crazy. He’s usually so good at reading people, but you’re an enigma. It sends a chill down his spine. 

His throat is caught. Even if he had words to say, they wouldn’t be able to come out. So he sits in silence as you find your own. 

“I don’t want you to feel worse than you do.” You lick your lips. “Or maybe I do? I… I really don’t know. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about you, Belphie.”

The nickname tugs at his heart, more than he could ever admit. He wants to cry, wants to scream, wants to do anything other than look at your melancholy face, knowing he’s the problem. He wants to run and hide, to sleep forever. He can’t, though. Not when you’re here. Not now. 

Knuckles turn white as he clutches desperately onto his pillow. His breath shakes as he draws in air. 

“I want to love you. I want to love you as much as I love your brothers, and care about you as much as I care for them…”

You struggle to find the words. 

“... But it’s hard.”

You curse your lack of eloquence. Now, of all times, when your words are the only thing that enable you to communicate how you truly feel, they fail you. This might be your only chance to ever properly show Belphegor how you feel, what makes you so conflicted every time he walks into the room with a smile on his face, and yet all you can say is “it’s hard”. Obviously. 

A breath finds its way into your lungs, and the sound of your lips parting in the otherwise silent planetarium echoes in your ears.

You continue.

“It’s hard because every time I see your face, or I hear your voice, or I-”, you falter, heart catching in your throat, “or you touch me, I can’t help but be reminded of what happened.”

Belphegor doesn’t dare tear his eyes away from your form. The grief that settles into his face perfectly matches your own, eyebrows upturned and bottom lip quivering just the slightest bit. Even the trembling of your hands is replicated in his own. He’s never seen you like this, so incredibly vulnerable, and it tears him apart inside to know that he is the cause of it.

A shuddery breath comes from Belphegor, and you fight your instincts to check if he’s okay. You know he isn’t.

The silence deafens you, thundering in your ears so harshly that you're tempted to place your hands at the side of your head to muffle how quiet it is. You don’t, however, and whether it’s because you don’t want to look crazy, or because you’re afraid you might shatter if you move, you’ll never know. Do you want him to talk? Do you want him to say anything? Do you want an apology?

If you had an answer for that, you’re sure that things would have patched themselves up much quicker than this. You caution a glance at Belphegor, and the weight pressing down on your chest gets heavier at his expression. It feels almost as if you can inhale the guilt he feels, the emotion radiating off of him in waves.

“I… Logically, Belphie, I get it.” Again with that cursed nickname. Usually, hearing it from your lips makes Belphegor feel warm and goddamn near giddy, but now it only seemed to drive the knife in his gut further. 

“I understand what happened and why you did it. I may not agree… but I get it, you know?” You swallow.

“In the end, I’m still here. And… and I’ve come to learn that you’re nothing like that anymore. You’ve grown, and changed, and the guilt and anger that consumed you took control, and that's why you-- that’s--” 

You pause, clutching the blanket around you to try and ground yourself. The shakiness in your voice is not missed by Belphegor, and even if it had been, there’s no way he’d be able to ignore the tears that threaten to spill from your eyes. Slowly, subconsciously, one of your hands comes up to rest against your neck, a phantom of the grasp that once threatened to crush you.

“S-So… I understand why you did it. And I’m alive, and we’re friends, so it should all be okay, right?” Belphegor casts his glance away.

“But Belphie… as much as I want to forgive you, I also know that I’m never going to be able to forget what happened. It’s there in my dreams, and it’s there in your smile, and it’s there every single time your arm brushes mine and I flinch like a total loser.”

A weak chuckle makes its way out of your chest, and the halfhearted smile that follows forces a tear from your eye. You’re quick to wipe it away, hopefully quick enough so that it goes unnoticed by Belphegor.

It does.

What he does notice, however, is the frustration that holds tight to the edges of your sentences. The frustration is not directed at him, no. You would be yelling if that were the case, and maybe that would be easier for him to hear. No, this frustration is directed at yourself. You’ve been trying so hard, and all Belphegor has been doing is running away. His teeth dig so hard into his bottom lip, trying desperately not to show any anger he feels at himself, that he tastes iron.

“And then we became all buddy-buddy, you know? Like I was never lied to, or used, or manipulated, or-- or--”

Belphegor is torn from his self-pity when you continue, and he almost wishes you’d stop speaking. The thought that you might break him with your words has him shaking, and a feeling similar to fear courses heavily through his veins. Please, stop. He wants to go back to running away.

But you continue, as you always have.

“And I’m left not knowing how to feel. I’m so mad at myself for being such a coward and not being able to just get over it like everyone else, and I’m so fucking pissed that I can’t just exist around you like I do for everyone else. I mean, I used to be terrified of Lucifer, too.” Another fragile laugh, and you sweep the hair from your eyes with a shaky hand. Belphegor swallows hard.

“But I… I can’t pretend like nothing happened. As much as I want to be near you, and hug you, and take naps and play pranks on Luci with you… I can’t. I can’t act as if what I feel isn’t real, and what you did didn’t happen. It’s so hard, Belphegor.” You sigh, and finally look at him once more. He can’t meet your gaze, slumped over himself and hugging his pillow so tight to his chest it seems as if he wishes to disappear into it. “Especially because I really, truly want to understand why everyone loves you so much. And I want to love you, too. I want to know why Beel smiles every time you’re brought up in conversation, and I want to smile just the same. But… But right now, I can’t.”

Talking has gotten easier. The words that used to escape you have become accustomed to being used again, and confidence has restored in your gut. You sit a bit straighter as you watch Belphegor carefully, a sad smile lifting your cheeks. 

Belphegor knows that this is when he should swoop in, say something so intellectual that you’re caught off guard, and he can save you from… himself. This knowledge does nothing to save him from himself. He can’t even open his mouth to mime a sentence, let alone actually speak. The thought of how pathetic he must look settles under Belphegor’s skin, and he can feel his irritation rising. Not at you though, never at you. Not even when… When it all happened. His anger was misplaced, but he has never been angry at you.

Finally, when the quiet becomes too much, he forces himself to meet your gaze. The way you look at him, just as vulnerable and bare and scared as he is… he feels safe. He knows, even though your words sear his heart, that you never mean to hurt him, especially now. You’re being honest, and simply expect the same from him.

Belphegor inhales a deep breath, before willing himself to speak.

“I thought--” he croaks, and quickly clears his throat. Fuck. “I thought that if… if I could pretend that nothing happened, then I wouldn’t have to face any consequences.”

He curses audibly. Just how pathetic can he sound? Belphegor’s voice is hoarse and quivering, and weak. “Weak” is never a word that he would have used to describe himself, but now it echoes hauntingly against the confines of his skull. One of the most powerful demons in existence, and he finds himself quaking before a mere human. He cares for you, though, and he cares for you viciously. Something in Belphegor knows that he’s never going to be able to prove that to you unless he pushes his way through this.

So he forces himself to continue, even with every cell in his body desperately screaming at him to stop.

“I did what I did out of a place of guilt… and regret. I couldn’t stand the fact that it was because of me, that it was my fault, that I’m the reason that Lilith--”

Belphegor stumbles over his own words, and he sets down his pillow before he accidentally tears a hole through it. Instead he braces himself on the cool floor, in need of something steady to hold onto. This whole conversation shook him to the core. He can hardly believe he’s talking about his sister. She’s a topic that he’s avoided even around Beelzebub…

But if Belphegor ever wants even the possibility that you’ll forgive him, he knows he has to. Everything is on the line. His blunt nails press against the tiles and he focuses on steadying his voice.

“I couldn’t accept that it was my fault.” A newfound steadiness weaves its way around his words, and he finds himself sitting a bit straighter. “I’m the one who introduced her to the human world, and kept bringing her back. I’m the reason she suffered, and why the war started, and why we fell, and why she…” Belphegor coughs. “In the end, I couldn’t accept that I’m the one who killed her.

Your heart yearns to tell him that no, he’s wrong, it’s not all his fault. You know it won’t help right now, though, and that it isn’t your time to speak. Settling back a bit, you let your blanket fall from your shoulders. 

Belphegor’s heart stutters, and pounds so hard that he feels like it's trying to tear through his chest. Even so, he doesn’t miss the way your hand reaches out to smooth over his own, and for a moment he feels himself wanting to melt just from the simple touch. 

Belphegor pulls away. He doesn’t deserve your comfort, not yet.

“So… So when you said that you’re a descendant of Lilith, I-- I couldn’t help myself. I jumped at the chance to get to know you, learn about what makes you similar and what makes you different. Her blood flows through your veins, and I was quick to ignore what I did in favour of getting to know you, and… and inevitably, becoming just as fond of you as my brothers… but that can’t erase what I did.”

The feeling of understanding floods you and you find yourself nodding at his words. To be completely honest, even now, you’re scared. Your heart beats for many reasons, fear one of them, but you don’t run away. Not anymore. You couldn’t bring yourself to even if you wanted to.

Your hand, abandoned next to Belphegor’s, lay dormant. The need to comfort wills you to once again place your hand on his, but you don’t move. When he’s ready, if he ever is, you’ll be there.

Just as he’ll be there for you.

“I killed you, MC. And in doing that, I killed Lilith. Again.”

Countless emotions storm their way through Belphegor’s conscience, despair clawing at his throat, regret snapping his back, and guilt slowly crushing him under its weight. How is it that one can feel so empty, and yet so filled to the brim with misery?

“And not only that, but if I succeeded… I would have completely missed out on getting to know you, and caring about you as much as I do now. It would have been a loss that I never would have understood, but know for a fact that I would have felt. Even… Even when I was proud,” he spits out the word as if it’s poison, “of what I’d done, watching my brothers’ hearts break at the sight of your body… Even then, I felt it. The ache. It’s so fucking stupid.”

His tone, now bubbling with anger, stills you. It’s not directed at you, and you know this, but despite yourself, you freeze. Belphegor notices, and quickly clears his throat, relaxing his shoulders. He allows your heart a moment to slow as he regains his composure, and you find yourself breathing again.

“I know that me saying sorry is never going to cut it.” Belphegor turns his body to fully face you. He’s no longer running from his feelings, or from you. He knows he can’t anymore. Hesitantly, he lifts his trembling hand to place over yours. The muscles in your fingers tense, and he pauses to gauge your reaction. When you slowly nod your head once, he delicately places his hand on yours, using his thumb to gently begin massaging the tension away. “And I know that even if I do everything right from here on out, that there’s a chance that you won’t ever forgive me. And I understand why.”

Your heart sinks at his expression, his gaze locked on your joined hands. As aloof as he normally is, you can see none of that on his face now. When you turn over your hand he quickly pulls away, but your shaky movements to bring his hand back and intertwine your fingers urges him to go on. 

“But I want to try. And really try this time. I want you to be honest with how you feel, whether I’m frustrating you or scaring you or anything like that, and… and I want to be honest with you too. I…”

Belphegor trails off, but you squeeze his hand. He draws in a slow breath. 

“No matter what happens, no matter how you feel, we’re stuck together for the next few months. I want to spend that time getting to know you, and I want us to be as close as you are with any of my brothers… but I also want you to know that you shouldn’t feel forced. If it’s ever too much, I need you to tell me, and I promise I’ll back off.”

The smallest of smiles makes its way onto your face as you quietly agree. Belphegor doesn’t allow himself to try and figure out if it's genuine, out of pity, or sadness, but in spite of everything, it makes him feel a bit lighter. Just a bit.

“This won’t fix everything right away,” you say, and he now knows that your smile is a combination of the three. Along with this, though, Belphegor also knows the small sparkle in your eyes is hope, and he’s willing to take that hope and nurture it for however long he must.

“I know,” he sighs, but even he can feel the small tilt of a smile on his face, “but I’m willing to take as much time as you need to decide how you feel about me. And… And if you decide you hate me, which is fair, and that you never want to even be in the same room as me, I’ll respect your wishes.

Until then...Until you decide that you really, truly hate me, I won’t stop trying.”

There’s no way of telling how long his words linger in the air around the two of you, circling around your heads and making their way through your body. Even so, Belphegor diligently watches you, wanting to make sure he’s not overstepping his bounds. He even contemplates letting go of you, but is reassured when slowly, almost unnoticeably, you begin smoothing out the lines on the back of his hand with your thumb.

As much as you want to tell him that you could never hate him, you also know you can’t promise anything. Still, for now, just as much as him, you’re willing to try. You stay in silence, more comfortable than you’ve ever been in his presence, gently caressing the hand held in your own.

Eventually, Belphegor clears his throat once more. The vulnerability has made him tense and rendered his voice weak. 

“Can… can you hug me?” He all but whispers, fragility making his body quiver once more. He was completely open about his feelings for the first time in a lifetime, and the intensity of it left him craving affection. He knows how unfair this is to you, but he can’t help himself. He wishes to be held, for his fears to be quelled by someone so much stronger than him. “If you don’t want to,” he falters, speaking quickly, insecurely, “I won't even touch you. I-If you do, I promise I can keep my hands behind my back, and I won’t even--”

His words end abruptly as he feels you release his hand, and his heart sinks. He debates running away again, until he hears you moving towards him, and he finds he’s frozen in place. Slowly, but surely, with more courage circulating through your veins than you’ve had all night, you make your way over the blankets that divide you and position yourself right next to Belphegor, pulling him into your chest. Even now, he can feel how quickly, persistently your heart races, and yet you stay. True to his word, Belphegor rests his hands on the ground behind his back, but he doesn’t stop himself from nuzzling into your chest… and he cries. The complete, uninhibited release of his emotions hit him like a truck, and he sobs heavily into you, tears slowly but surely staining your shirt. You adjust yourself so you can hold him closer, slowly and reassuringly rubbing his back as he lets go of everything he’s been holding on to for longer than you can even imagine. This is a man who’s run from his emotions for centuries, and the fact that he’s willing to face them for your sake comforts you, cradles your heart and presses gentle kisses against the cracks. You know that you’re not going to wake up tomorrow with everything okay, but for now… for now you’re comfortable with his touch. Heaving in a deep, steadying breath, you reach down just enough to take Belphegor’s arms, and guide them to rest his hands on your hips. At this silent permission, he slowly, delicately wraps his arms around your waist, despite craving your body closer, wanting to hold you tight and never let go. He cradles you like you’re made of the most brittle glass, and you smile. The gesture touches your heart, and… and you feel safe. You know that all he wants to do is embrace you as tight as he can, but he doesn’t, even with permission. 

Here, in Belphegor’s arms, you feel safe. Here, where Belphegor’s grip on you is so gentle that it wouldn’t even crumple paper, you feel loved. As he cries into your chest, holding you as if you were an antique, hope slowly fills your heart.

Everything is far from perfect, but it’s still on the right track, here in the quiet planetarium.

[derivativealigner]

Well, I’m done rewatching season 2 of south park and I’ve taken plenty of notes and screenshots to document all the facts and tidbits I thought were interesting or just funny. Under the cut is a collection of notes where I progressively start caring more and more about fake children

Kenny’s house is full of empty bottles, his family eats frozen waffles for dinner, and his dad is drinking at the dinner table

Kenny’s and Kyle’s dads have some history. They were best friends as teenagers

Kenny’s dad is kind of anti-Semitic, he says Kyle’s dad was successful because he’s Jewish

Cartman kind of expresses agreement with Stuart’s anti-Semitism, which I think is the first time Cartman’s been clearly anti-Semitic

Kenny’s house has rats, but his room has lights that shut off when you clap twice

WOW KYLE wtf he says “Kenny's not really my friend, Ma. I don't give a rat's ass about him.” FUCKING RUDE

Kyle and Kenny have a fun little sleepover where they play “ookie mouth”, a game where they take turn spitting in each other’s mouths. This episode (S02E10 Chickenpox) is great for fans of K2 despite how absolutely disgusting ookie mouth is

The McCormick house was something Stuart and Gerald built as teenagers. A fort in Stuart’s mom’s backyard

Gerald went to community college

Gerald and Stuart have a fun fist fight by a pond

Kyle makes a haiku: Fatass Cartman was / not on the school bus today. / What a big, fat turd.

Kenny makes a haiku: When you rub your dick, / you might find a discharge that / winds up on the floor.

Kyle makes another: Ass full of pork fat / jiggles like a Jello mold. / Mouth is flapping, too.

And another by Kyle: I bet you don't win. / They don't let big fat asses / perform on TV.

Cartman responds: Shut your God-damned mouth / or else I'm... gonna... kick you / square in the balls... asshole

I spy with my desperate eye the beginnings of Craig’s gang, featuring Kenny with wonky eyes

Bebe thinks Kyle has a hot ass and she’s not shy about saying it

Bebe writes a note to Kyle, and Stan tries to pass it on but Mr. Garrison thinks it’s Stan’s note for Kyle and makes him read it out loud. So he reads: “Dear Kyle. You have got such a great ass. I could sleep for days on those perked cheeks, let me tell you. I'd like to live with you and wear your ass as a hat for all eternity.” (If that happened to me I’d be embarrassed forever)

POV: You’re Stan and you just said you love Kyle’s juicy ass in front of the whole 3rd grade class

The first time Stan’s mom and dad get a divorce is in S02E12, way sooner than I remembered

Bebe kisses Kyle when they’re playing truth or dare in their clubhouse, probably Kyle’s first kiss. Kyle thinks it’s disgusting (despite having played ookie mouth with Kenny which is arguably more disgusting)

Bebe breaks up with Kyle and goes off with Clyde, who says “Bitchin’ 😎”. Later Clyde is with Bebe, Stan, and Wendy at the club house

Cartman and Kyle have a fist fight once again. Kyle hated Cartman way more than Stan did very early on, kind of all along really, they truly were destined to be arch enemies

Kenny has food stamps

Oh, and Cartman’s made poor jokes about Kenny and twice (I think) Kenny has punched him in retaliation in the past 2 seasons. Kenny’s family is probably a bad and violent example for him

By the way, if you’ve ever wondered what Kenny says in the theme song but never looked it up, in seasons 1-2 he sings “I like girls with big fat titties, I like girls with deep vaginas” but in the remastered versions of seasons 1-2 (which is the version I’m watching) they changed it to the season 3-5 lyrics: “I have got a ten-inch penis, use you mouth if you wanna clean it”.

When an evil twin version of Cartman says nice things, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny stare at him in horror. Stan says, “Dude, this is creepy.”

Also, the boys say dude a lot. At least Stan, Kyle, and Kenny do, Cartman not as much

Kenny’s mom hits him when he’s hogging the blanket from his brother. Kenny makes a sad face and it made me feel bad :(

When evil twin Cartman comes to give the McCormicks some supplies, Kenny’s dad asks if that was his “fat, racist, foul-mouthed friend” so Cartman clearly has a reputation

When Stan gets scared of his evil fish, he wakes Shelly up and she slaps him. Their mom sees it and says nothing

But on the other hand his mom buries a body that Stan’s fish killed because she thinks he killed it so I guess she’s not entirely a bad mom

Kenny was supposed to buy a pumpkin for Halloween but he could only afford a squash and his friends are really mean about it. The more I watch the more I feel bad for Kenny (and Stan)

Cartman kind of has a shitty friendship with Kenny. He says “I hate you Kenny” because of the squash

Kyle is really annoyed by Cartman saying “hella” all the time, nobody else is as annoyed

Evil Cartman sings a cute little song while wielding a knife: You guys / are my best friends, / through thick and thin, / we've always been together! / We're four of a kind, / having fun all day, / palling around and laughing away. / Just best friends, / best friends are we!

Stan still has his dog, Sparky, in season 2

After Stan’s fish kills Kenny, Kenny’s mom comes over to ask about her son and she’s drunk and upset. Honestly seeing Kenny die all the time makes me kind of sad

Stan says Kenny’s squash isn’t a bad little squash. Very heartwarming. The squash gets first prize at the pumpkin carving contest :)

Cartman’s grandma and extended family live in Nebraska

When the boys go to Cartman’s family to have Christmas dinner, Kenny’s dad tells him to take any leftovers and bring them back home (he does it very gently and Kenny just says “okay” and why do I care that this fake child dies all the time and barely has food at home, like why the fuck do I care so much???)

Cartman’s mom is wearing glasses when she drives. She doesn’t do it in the later seasons but maybe she has contacts

Cartman and his mom sing a road trip song for 4 hours. Kyle says “please stop” but when they ignore him, he kicks Cartman’s seat and makes Cartman hit his head

Stan has a complicated relationship with his family, he says they’re dead to him because they didn’t want him to go on a road trip to Nebraska so Stan went without telling them

Kenny doesn’t eat at the dinner table with Cartman’s family, he just shoves the food in a bag :( I feel so bad for him

Stan, Kyle, and Kenny all hit Cartman after they wake in the night to make sure they’re not dreaming

Under his coat, Cartman wears a pink tank top that says BEEFCAKE. He wore it in S1E02 Weight Gain 2000

Charles Manson invites Kenny to go to a more secluded location and Kenny just says okay and goes, but honestly he should know better since he’s aware that he keeps dying

Cartman bonks his cousin Elvin on the head and gives him brain damage. Elvin gets better though

THE NEXT EPISODE IS GNOMES!!! TWEEEEEK!!!!

Token gets named when he’s put in a group with Wendy, Bebe, Clyde, and Pip. Craig’s gang is getting closer to becoming a thing!!

IT’S OUR FUCKING BOY TWEEK TWEAK BITCH YEEEEAAAH

Tweek says he’s awake at 3:30am because he can’t sleep, ever

Jesus, Tweek’s dad kind of sucks immediately. He says he might have to sell Tweek to slavery if his coffee shop goes out of business

Cartman says Kenny’s family is happy being poor and on welfare, “right, Kenny?” and Kenny says “fuck you” which is completely justified

When the underpants gnomes don’t appear, Tweek is worried he’s going insane and pulls on his hair

His parents say Tweek is jittery and anxious just because he has ADD (but the kind of severe jitteriness and anxiety Tweek has isn’t a symptom of primarily inattentive ADHD, even though people with ADHD do experience restlessness and can even have some tics and are more likely to have anxiety as a comorbid disorder than a neurotypical person is, but I mean come on, we all know Tweek’s slurping way too much coffee so even if he has ADHD beneath all that, his parents should stop giving him coffee and they definitely should not start lacing it with meth. Basically what I’m saying is that Tweek’s parents are full of shit)

Actually Tweek’s mom is kind of okay. She tells Tweek’s dad that he’s being shitty for using kids to advance his agenda. But… the agenda is against big corporations and I hate to say it but Tweek’s dad kind of has a point

Ew, the boys are giving a pro big corporations speech. That aged really poorly considering how shitty billionaires are

Aww, look at Kenny! He got scared of a crocodile that Steve Irwin is about to bother by jamming his thumb up its butthole

The boys are really excited about Steve Irwin jamming his thumb up a crocodile’s butthole

Oh my God, Kyle calls Cartman a fatass penis

Kenny is a mediator between Stan and Kyle. They ask him which one found this ice man in a cave first, but Kenny just deflects and agrees with Kyle’s name suggestion (Steve) for the ice man

I kind of like Dr. Mephesto. I’m glad he came back for Fractured But Whole

Stan and Kyle are having a terrible fight about who found the ice man. Kyle says they’re not best friends anymore and that Cartman is his new best friend and Cartman says “Sweet!”, then Stan claims Cartman as his new best friend and Cartman says “Killer!”

This prehistoric ice man episode is actually funny, I love it

Stan and Kyle are having a fight to the death

They reconcile and become best friends again. They both agree that Cartman’s a sucky best friend

Well, that was the last episode of the season. This was fun. South Park is actually a fun show

Kenny deaths:

S02E10 Kenny is in the hospital because of chicken pox. He laughs at Cartman’s joke so hard that his heart flatlines like beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

S02E11 Kenny’s head explodes after Stan and Kyle make him watch planetarium lights at a high intensity

S02E12 Kenny gets trampled in a mosh pit

S02E13 A cow impales Kenny’s head with its horn

S02E14 Ozzy Osbourne bites Kenny’s head off

S02E15 Kenny is killed by Stan’s evil fish, he gets spun in the fish tank until the water’s red

S02E16 The police shoot Kenny who came outside with a white flag during a hostage situation, then the police hit his dead body with a baton and handcuff him

S02E17 Kenny gets crushed by the underpants gnomes’ mine cart. The gnomes are horrified but Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Tweek are kinda like whatever

S02E18 Kenny gets squished underneath a conveyer belt

Onto the next season I go. I’ll watch the movie too since it was released around halfway through season 3

[popculturebuffet]

Battle of the Episodes: Celebrity Deathmatch: Rockstarmageddon Vs When Animals Attack

Hello all you happy people! And welcome to a minty fresh new segment on the blog cooked up by longtime fan and friend of the blog weirdkev27, named by me: BATTLE OF THE EPISODES! In this new segment I take two similar episodes from a show or franchise and put them up against one another and see which ones better. He pitched the idea to me for something he could do, he had two patreon reviews free so I suggested why not do it in April and here we are! 

Before I begin I will admit I’d forgotten PieGuyRulez had done a similar idea with his podcast ReCast, which I’d never seen and only vaugely heard of. However I feel what i’m doing here is still diffrent enough to keep doing, I have nothing but respect for the guy, and I promise to not do any topics he’s done. If you have any suggestions for this new segment, i’d love to hear them. I already have another one in mind for when I have a free moment on the schedule that I simply didn’t get around to next month.

But for our innugural contest, Kev being the one who pitched it picked the show and it’s a show i’m only passingly familiar with as I did see bits of it growing up: Celebrity Deathmatch. Celebrity Death Match was a late 90′s and early 2000′s tv show on MTV with a revivial on MTV2. It was born both out of a short done for MTV’s Cartoon Sushi, their equilvent of Oh Yeah Cartoons! and What a Cartoon, pitting Charles Manson against Marilon Manson, and that short was popular enough to lead to a special after the superbowl. Said special ended up being the highest rated progam MTV had broadcast at the time, so naturally it got a four season series.

The premise is exactly what it says: two celebrties battle it to the death in goofy claymation fights, one shall stand, one shall fall. Meanwhile our hosts Johnny and Nick banter and set up the fights, talk to interviewers etc. It’s essentially a combination of wrestling and celebrity mockery, and unsuprisingly given MTV’s teen audience who loved pop culture and a bit of the ultra violence it was a massive hit. 

The show later got a revivial a few years after it ended on MTV2, which fans often derided and which I saw more of as I was watching MTV2 at the time... look i’m not proud of the fact i watched “Where My Dogs at?” and i’m even less proud I watched “The Adventures of Chico and Guapo”. But with shows like that you can imagine how high quality the reboot was and how much fans flocked to it. Me I never took to either incarnation. I don’t HATE the show and do appricate it’s gorgeous claymation and copious use of Stone Cold Steve Austin. I love that beer drinking, hell raising, boss humliationg hellion, it’s just the combination of modern celebrity mockery, something that rarely ages well unless the joke is just funny on it’s own, and ultra violence never appealed to me as I was a pretty squeamish kid and teen.. i’ve grown out of that, but I just had no real desire to go back. It’s not a bad show but it’s not really one for me, but I get why i’ts well loved and popular. 

But being a death match fan, and given the similar premisses, Kev picked this to be our inagural contest. Pitting the original against the reivvial. For this he went with two death match time machine episodes: the original’s finale rockstarmageddon and the revivial’s when animals attack. Each episode has it’s own unique theme within the general theme of a dead person versus their successor... and a very much alive person one or both of the hosts thought was dead versus their succesor as a joke: the first is about rockstars and their supposed imitators, the second is about putting two animal themed people against one another.

Each Battle of the Episodes will have diffrent comparisons as every show or franchise is different, comics are also open for this by the by. So for this one i’ll be comparing time machine use, the person explaning the machine, individual episode theme, the joke about one of the “dead” combatants turning out ot be alive, and each of the three matches.  How many will also very, either 5 or 7 depending on how many talking points i have. So with that in mind LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE under the cut and see which episode walks away a champion and which episode walks away a bloody pile of clay on the floor. 

Doing the matches first as a lot of this stuff overlaps with the later bits. 

Round 1: Lenny Kravitz Vs Jimmy Hendrix VS Horatio Sanz Vs Chris Farley Whelp this was a bad start to BOTH episodes as these matches are the worst of each episode and all 6 matches period. So it’s less which is better as both are a black hole of comedy.. and more which one sucks slightly less. 

The Jimmy Hendrix vs Lenny Kravitz bout is just.. a black hole of comedy, It’s VERY clear the writers hated Kravitz but to me in 2020.. it just hasn’t aged well. I just don’t CARE about Lenny Kravitz. He had maybe one good song, are you gonna go my way, and that’s it. He was not good.. but he was an easy target for the time and an easily forgotten one now. It’s not smart, clever or even cathartic to watch him die. He’s also nowhere similar enough to Hendrix for the comparison to work: for one he had a vastly diffrent look most of the times and for another at most both played guitars and were not white. That’s it.  It just dosen’t work. 

The finisher here is just also... one of the objectively worst grossout bits i’ve seen in animation and i’m almost 30. That’s a LOTTTT of stupid gross gags that aren’t funny. The two vomit into each others mouths. Yes really. Not only is this really disprectful to hendrix death, as ODing on drugs is not something I really find funny nor the show makes funny, but it’s just.. horrifying to think about and gross and makes me want to , ironically enough, vomit thinking about. it’s just deeply unpleasant easily the worst thing i’ve encountered in my time reviewing so far, and it’s going to be a hard bar to clear. This match sucked and it left a bad taste in my mouth. 

Now as for the Horatio Sanz vs Chris Farley Match...

I honestly have never seen Horatio Sanz that i’m aware of and unlike Kravitz who at least is mildly memorable if not a very good musician, Sanz has just been.. forgotten. I don’t know anything about him and once again it feels like the show punching down, picking an easy target versus a legend. 

And speaking of easy targets the entire segment is just fat jokes. Just a ton of fat jokes. No really, it’s a battle of “Hog vs hog”, chris eats a lot and hte main joke is Chris Farley can’t stay alive long enough to fight. That being said while I find the joke in VERY poor taste, as Farley died of a heart attack and was a really good person and having his death be a punch line just bothers me.... I’ll admit it’s at least clever to have one of the death match time machine contestants come back again, and again, and again. It’s not Funny, it’s horrific.. but I can at least say they put in some effort ofr that one gag and given the horrifying lack of effort for the other match this one BARELY gets the W Winner: When Animals Attack: 

Round 2: Shaggy vs Bob Marley VS Christan Bale vs Adam West

This one’s a no contest... seriously the gulf between jokes is wide and deep.

The Shaggy Vs Marley bout is the best of Rockstarmageddon. It’s funny, the target actually deserves being made fun of as Shaggy was a talent vacum and is memorably bad in comparison to Kravitz, so I still like seeing him get roasted, and they find a lot of funny jokes to do with Bob Marley. I only have a passing familiarity with the guy and while they do the obvious weed joke, they also have him ask for a tiny hammer or a small axe, beat shaggy with his dreads and after using a ring post to kill him, MAKING HIS REMAINS INTO A BONG (hilariously called a “legal novelty smoking device by the commentators). This match shows me why the show was popular: not every match was GOOD.. but the ones that were were creative and a joy to watch. While I sitll feel it’s mildly punching down, it’s funny enough I don’t care. 

Bale Vs West just sucks both by comparison and just in general; The IDEA of having the current Batman at the time and the 60′s one duke it out is great.. but it’s very clear they didn’t like Batman begins nor have any actual christian bale jokes. While this was pre terminator rant and the much more iconic dark knight, if they didn’t have any good jokes , why do this. They just have nothing and are insulting a legitimately good movie instead of making anything funny and making cracks about everyone thinking Adam West is dead. More on that in a bit, but it’s just really not funny and really wasted my time... though West turning him into a batsignal of the cross was clever i’ll admit. 

Winner: Rockstarmageddon

Round 3: Dave Matthews vs Keith Richards VS Jamie Fox vs Ray Charles

Another mistmatch.. but this time in the opposite direction.

Dave Matthews Vs Keith Richards sucks. While there are some good gags up top, we’ll get to that in it’s own section, the match itself just isn’t funny and I really don’t get comparing the stones to dave matthews band. the two bands aren’t remotely similar. The most clever it gets is Dave injecting Richards with his blood, which mellows him out but also revitalizes Richards. There’s a few good jabs at richards but otherwise just nothing of susbtance and like Kravitz Dave Matthews Band has been largely forgotten and unlike Kravitz or Shaggy, just doesn’t seem like as valid a target.

Fox vs Charles on the other hand was a great misdirect, changing his opponent and “punking” fox, forcing him to go from someone he was ready to throw down with to someone he rejects. There are way too many mr mcgoo style I’M BLINDDDDD gags, but Fox is a much more deserving target, and they had far more clever gags, with charles pulling out a cat o n grammys, and using a piano to finish Jamie. It’s nothing GREAT... but at least it’s actually funny and actually picked a good target for the time, if not one that has aged well. 

Winner: When Animals Attack. 1 to 2

Round 4: Who Used the Time Machine Better?

Narrowly .. rockstarmageddon. While it had the same justification for it, the original taking on an upstart attempted replacement, the keith richards gag we’ll get to in a second is better than the farley gag for not being grossly insensitive and unfunny. But neither really use it well; Rockstarmageddon just uses it to mock artists they like and Animals uses it because the first one did. Neither really had a clever idea for it other than “get it this person sucks compared to that one. 

Winner: Rockstarmageddon. 2 to 2

Episode Theme: 

Similar to the time machine, this one comes down to which one had the better indvidual theme... and i’d have to say it’s Rockstarmageddon. It used the theme POORLY, but at least it both had an interesting idea, dead rock stars vs their successors in modern day, versus an easy one (animal matchups) it abandoned for the final match and used REALLY fucking insultingly in the first match. Seriously I don’t mind a WELL done fat joke, as an overweight guy myself, but this was just...

In it’s purest form. 

Winner: Rockstarmageddon 3 to 2

Special Guest:

Each episode had a guest for the time machine... and this one is again no real contest, Rockstarmageddon wins. 

For Rockstarmageddon the show brought back frequent guest star , wrestling legend Stone Cold Steve Austin, who I enjoy and was indeed part of my childhood and star of many video games and one of my brother’s all time favorite wrasslers. The show contrasts his blue collar hellion image with him having made the machine, getting quantum mechanics and unlike nick getting that Keith Richards is dead. Austin clearly gets the show, is fully on board playing along and has fun escorting Hendrix back to the machine and getting his revenge on Nick for doubting him that Keith Richards was alive. He just fits perfectly into the show. 

The revival.. could not get him, likely because he didn’t want to or saw the script and rightfully stone cold stunnered them, i.e. what he shoudl’ve done when Adam Sandler offered him Grown Ups 2. Seriously Adam why bring him in if he’s not going to do something wrestling related to you? This is why people don’t like your films. That and you keep giving your old buddy rob increasingly racist work. And david spade work. And nick swarsdon work. Please do keep giving Shaq work though he’s actually not half bad. 

So instead they bring in Einstein and the joke.. is that he swears a lot and drinks a lot and pulls his pants down at the end.> That.. that’s it. I mean the original , at least the episode given to me, didn’t make a GREAT impression, but at least it was creative. The Reboot came off as shockingly lazy and half assed, with lesser voice actors for our hosts and far less effort put in and this is the biggest emblem of that. Soooo

Winner; Rockstarmageddon 4 to 2

Final Round: Their Not Dead

The final round is a short one and while the winner is already decided, might as well. Both episodes do a joke about one of the guests NOT being dead.. but once again Rockstar is more clever about it. Nick is CERTAIN Keith Richards is dead, and forces Stone Cold to bring him to the present... only for Keith to show up, and there be two keiths. One fades away due to time travel stuffs, a REALLy damn good gag, and Nick’s dogged instance he’s not dead despite everyone knowing he isn’t is just damn funny. 

IN contrast all they have for the late great Adam West.. is insisting he’s dead. That’s it. that’s all they got. It’s not funny, it’s disprectful to Adam who while not an a list actor did a ton of stuff after batman. I mean the simpsons alone should shut them the fuck up...

This one short gag is a MUCH better one than that entire 7 minutes. It was also DEEPLY uncomfortable now Adam’s passed. So naturally

The Winner of this Segment and Overall; Rockstarmageddon. 

I wouldn’t say I LIKED either episode this go round, both had some pretty bad spots..but it’s very clear that while the original had it’s flaws, it was creative, had tons of energy, and a great voice cast. The revivial... has a good chris farley impersonator and that’s it. It’s very clear the people behind the reboot just don’t get the show and are doing the lazy bare minimum. While I didn’t LIKE most of the matches in Rockstarmageddon, I can at least respect the craftmanship: the animation, host jokes and energy is just BETTER. There’s a care and craft the revivial dosen’t have and the drop in quality is noticeable. 

So yeah overall the original wins.. but the episode chosen clearly wasn’t it’s best. That being said both had some good moments, and I would be open to watching more if any one wants to comission it. This experiment has been intresting so let me know in the comments if you want to see more of these and i’ll see you at the next rainbow. And please join my patreon at patreon.com/popculturebuffet. 

[bomberqueen17]

exrayspex replied to the post about chicken processing and the pumpkin pie experiments:                                                                                                                oh i loved hearing about your pie experiments. you really do need to grind the hell out of it when you use fresh pumpkin but ooh it’s so good. i’ll have to keep an eye out for the winning kind this season. also,  i’m curious about your sister’s crust recipe of you know about it–what fat does she use, any funky ingredients like vodka, any fun tricks like laminating it etc? i’m a bit of a pie nerd lol

I just asked and it’s the Joy of Cooking’s recipe. She’s transcribed it into her great/terrible little handwritten recipe book-- it’s great because it’s so eclectic, but it’s terrible because a) the index is worthless and b) she didn’t use waterproof ink for most of it so really, it’s kind of a terrible little compendium. And remember, this is the woman who reuses jars without necessarily updating the labels on them, so this is super thematically relevant. And it’s a blank book she bought sometime around the milennium and it has fancy paper in it and she affected a much fancier style of handwriting than she normally uses and it’s very cute but it’s also largely unusable except by her, LOL. Here’s the image I took of the page:

Rather than attempt to transcribe that nightmare, I’ll just copy-paste someone else’s transcription of the 2000 edition of Joy of Cooking’s Flaky Pastry Dough recipe, and note that instead of using vegetable shortening, she uses lard rendered from her own hogs. Behind the cut, for length:

by Irma S. Rombauer, Ethan Becker, Marion Rombauer Becker

       This dough makes a light, flaky crust that shatters at the touch of a fork. If you need only a single pie or tart crust, decrease all ingredients by half or freeze half the dough for future use.

               Makes: two 9 inch pie crusts, or two 9 1/2- or 10-inch tart crusts, or one 9 inch covered pie crust

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour             

1 teaspoon white sugar or 1 tablespoon powdered sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup solid vegetable shortening, or 1/2 cup shortening and 8 tablespoons (1 stick) cold unsalted butter 

1/3 cup plus 1 to 3 tablespoon ice water, divided

       Using a rubber spatula, thoroughly mix flour, sugar, and salt in a large bowl.

Break the shortening into large chunks; if using butter, cut it into small pieces, then add it to the flour mixture. Cut the fat into the dry ingredients by chopping vigorously with a pastry blender or by cutting in opposite directions with 2 knives, one held in each hand. As you work, periodically stir dry flour up from the bottom of the bowl and scrape clinging fat off the pastry blender or knives. When you are through, some of the fat should remain in pea-sized pieces; the rest should be reduced to the consistency of coarse crumbs or cornmeal. The mixture should seem dry and powdery and not pasty or greasy.

Drizzle 1/3 cup plus 1 tablespoon ice water over the flour and fat mixture.

Using the rubber spatula, cut with the blade side until the mixture looks evenly moistened and begins to form small balls. Press down on the dough with the flat side of the spatula. If the balls of dough stick together, you have added enough water; if they do not, drizzle 1 to 2 tablespoons ice water over the top.

Cut in the water, again using the blade of the spatula, then press with your hands until the dough coheres. The dough should look rough, not smooth. Divide the dough in half, press each half into a round fiat disk, and wrap tightly in plastic. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes, and preferably for several hours, or for up to 2 days before rolling. The dough can also be wrapped airtight and frozen for up to 6 months; thaw completely before rolling.

[mamawolfblood]

Though he didn't know it yet Chris Mclean was in for a shocking revelation. One of the campers is not exactly just some rando kid. This camper is his kid and she is out to expose it.

Name : Iris  Escalona

Age 16

Eye color green

Caramel skin

Black hair that she keeps in a high ponytail. A Cherokee rose on the left side of the hair tie.

Iris is 5ft 8",135lb

Out fit-White tanktop with the alchemists symbol blue acid washed jean shorts black converses

Iris has a dark sense of humor. She loves horror,pranks,is resourceful. Iris is not above smashing some skulls together. She is not quick to anger but Heather pushes a lot of her buttons.

All her life she just wanted Chris to know she was alive. Her mother never gave the reason why she left. She is the oldest of seven children.

____chapter5pt1____

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Island… The Killer Bass finally dodged their pathetic losing streak against The Screaming Gophers. There were bruises, tears, risky moves, and dangerous alliances. And in the end, it was Noah the know-it-all who didn’t see it coming. This week, another challenge will send one more camper on a cruise to Loserville. Population: Four. Who will sink? And who will stay afloat? Find out right now on Total. Drama. Island!

Iris walked back into the cabin after a shower. "Oh no this is bad. Im out of fake tan already." Lindsay said concerned. "Then go ger a real tan." Iris said putting her stuff away. "Oh its so tragic" Gwen said sarcastically looking a little more alive today. "Now I have to actually, like, suntan. In the sun! Do you realize how shriveled and wrinkly that can make your skin? Oh, you totally do." Lindsay said now by Gwen. I roll my eyes placing my hair in a ponytail. "See you ladies in the mess hall." Iris said leaving the crazy. "Oh off to find your delinquent boy toy. " Heather tried to get under my skin. "He at least I have a joystick. You should find one maybe you wouldn't be a stuck up bitch all the time." The girls laughed as I left. "That white girl is alright in my book." Leshawna said.

 [over loudspeaker]: "All right, campers! Enough beauty sleep! Time to show us what you’re made of!" Chris said

The campers made it to a make shift out door theater.

(Confessionals)

Iris

"I actually have a good feeling about this. Ever since I was little Dad and mom would take me to see musical and plays. I grew up a theater kid just something about it made it so magical."

*static*

(End of Confessionals)

Lindsay: Are we gonna see a musical? I love musicals. Especially the ones with singing and dancing. Heh." She asked amazed. I had to chuckle at this poor girl.

Trent: Gwen! Saved you a seat." He said moving aside for her. That is adorable I'm happy for them.

Gwen: "Thanks." She said sitting down next to him.

Cody: "W-W-Whoa! Uh, heh." Oh Cody you poor soul. She wont go for you give up already.

*Lindsay blows kiss *

Uhoh someone is braking the rules hahaha poor girl can't see the bitch she is helping.

*Heather turns and waves her ponytail in Lindsay's face. *

As I said bitch.

Lindsay: Oh! [spits out a wave of Heather's hair] "Hey Lindsay come sit with Me and Duncan." I said she got up and sat with us.

Chris: Welcome to our brand new deluxe state-of-the-art outdoor amphitheater! Okay, this week’s challenge is a summer camp favorite. A talent contest!" This made me happy.

Owen: Yes! Awesome!

Chris: Each team has eight hours to pick their three most talented campers.[Katie and Sadie squeal.] These three will represent them in the show tonight. Sing, dance, juggle. Anything goes, as long as it’s legal.[Duncan snaps his fingers.] You’ll be judged by our resident talent scout, former DJ, VJ, and rap legend, Grand Master Chef, who will show his approval via the Chef-o-Meter.[ding ding ding ding ding ding] The team that loses will send one camper home tonight. Good luck.

[whistle blows]

Heather started saying she was the captain. "Who said this Chika" I asked Gwen second it. "Beth and Lindsay"She said crossing her arms. "Fear is not the way to go Heather." I said and everyone backed me. "We shall see halfbreed." She said as I sat down .

It was Trent,Heather and Iris in the talent show for the Gophers.

For the Bass it was Courtney, DJ, Geoff.

Why we were killing time watching the other talents. Heather got ahold of some secrets that she was about to spill.

Cody: What you got there, a journal?

Gwen: Beat it.

Cody: Oh, I get it. Yeah, it’s private, huh? I’m down with that, yeah. It’s cool, brah.

Gwen: What part of beat it don’t you understand?

Cody: [sniffs]

Gwen: What are you, some kind of freak?

Cody: Y-you just… smell… really… pretty.

Gwen: It’s just… soap.

[guitar playing]

Gwen: I won’t even ask.

[guitar playing resumes]

Heather: Look! The first hook up of the season.

Gwen [sarcasticaly]: Oh yeah. We’re going at it big time. I need a swim just to cool off.

[door slams]

[door slams]

Cody groans

Trent: Gwen, wait up! I’ll come with you.

Gwen: Sure. I mean… whatever.

Chris [loudly]: It’s the TDI Talent Extravaganza! [normal voice] Welcome to the very first Camp Wawanakwa… Talent Contest. Where six campers will showcase their mad skills and desperately try not to humiliate themselves. First up for the Screaming Gophers… is Iris.

Iris walks out (a outfit that looks like Melanie from pokemon 2000. The Island maiden.) She started to play on her Ocarina my heart will go on.

It got a seven on the Chef-o-Meter.

Chris: First up for the Killer Bass… make some noise for the big guy! DJ!

[clapping]

Tyler: Woo-hoo!

Katie and Sadie: Yaaaay! Wooo!

[spiritual music]

[swirls]

[whips]

[thud]

Duncan: Ooh-hoo-hoo…

Katie: Gah!

[stretching]

[snaps]

Chris: Dainty and yet masculine. Let’s see what Grand Master Chef thinks.

[ding ding ding]

Chris: Not much.

Chris: So, with two down and four acts to go, it’s the Screaming Gophers… screaming ahead. Next on deck… Trent. Take it away, my bro.

Trent: This one goes out to someone special here at camp.

[guitar playing]

[Trent]

They say that we’ve only got summer

And I say that’s really a bummer.

But we’ll swim in the sun and have lots of fun…

It’ll just be the two of us…

Nothing to do… just hang…

So let me say only this…

Stick around… for just one kiss…

[clapping]

[ding ding ding]

Chris: Nice work! I’m liking your style, dude. And so does Grand Master Chef!

[clapping]

Chris: All right, quit hogging my light, buddy.

[objects tumbling]

Chris: Three down and three to go and the Killer Bass are totally sucking so far. Let’s hear it for Bridgette!

[clapping]

Courtney: Are you sure you can do this?

[stomach rumbling]

Bridgette[with her stomach rumbling]: Ooh. Definitely. No, uh, I’m great. Really. [She burps a few times]

[splash]

Screaming Gophers gasp and moan

Bridgette moans and projectile vomits loudly

Courtney and Heather gasp

Owen: I’m hit! I’m hit!

Bridgette projectile vomits loudly

Katie screams and vomits

Bridgette projectile vomits loudly

Lindsay [loudly] :Hey, puke on your own boyfriend!

Heather: On your own what, Lindsay?

Lindsay [quickly]: I didn’t say, boyfriend.

Chris [nasally] :Clean up in aisle three, four, five, and six! [normally] In the meantime, we’ll take a short break to hose the joint down.

[elevator music]

(Confessional: Bridgette)

Bridgette: Going home won’t be so bad… I-I can always work at the surf shack.

(Confessional Off)

Chris [loudly] : Welcome back to the TDI Talent Extravaganza! [normally] Welcome back. Okay. So in a strange turn of events, Bridgette’s chunk-blowing fest registered two thumbs up by Grand Master Chef. But, it’s not enough to pull ahead the Screaming Gophers, who held the lead with Trent’s love song. So, without further delay, here she is for the leaders… Heather!

[clapping]

Heather: Originally, I was going to dance for you. But instead, I want to celebrate team spirit, with a collaboration.

Iris saw what was in her hand. She started sweating.

Heather: So, with words by Gwen, performance by me, enjoy. [clears throat] Originally I thought he would be different. Even though mom says that my father and I are alike I don't see it. He said I remind him of someone her knew long ago but she left. I found that odd because I was alwats told he left. It doesn't matter either way because I know that Chris Mclean is 100% my biological father. " she said then handing my birth certificate to Chris who looked at me shocked. I got up and ran. Thats not how I wanted him to find out.

Heather: Thank you.

Courtney: [to Bridgette] That was so mean.

Bridgette: Seriously.

Chris: Well then, it’s down to the final act of the night. Can Geoff and his rad stunts turn it around? I seriously doubt it. Let’s find out.

[crashes]

Geoff: Whoa… that kinda wrecks the ride.

Bridgette [nervously] : Now what?! We have to send someone out there or we’re going to lose this!

[just-the-hiddles]

Tri-Drabble Writing Cup | Take 2

THE FIRST POST MAY NOT BE WORKING, SO I REPOSTED!!

So with everything going on, I have not been super motivated to sit down and churn out 1500 or 2000 word chapters (but I will get there, so don’t fear!) I am also taking a few days off of work because when is a better time to take excess vacation time than during a global pandemic.  So I will opening up requests for tri-drabbles (300 words or less).  I will post a list of dialogue prompts as well as the rules for requesting!

RULES (they are really more of guidelines):

I am linking my general Request FAQs here. But there are going to be some different guidelines.

For these requests only, I am only going to write reader inserts

Characters/Celebrities I will write:  Tom Hiddleston, Chris Evans | Loki, Steve Rogers, Magnus Martinsson, Jonathan Pine, James Conrad.  I am willing to do other Marvel characters or even other fandoms if you ask, so feel free to get creative.  

The Nopes:   for right now, no dub-con/non-con, no explicit smut (I just can’t write that well in 300 words or less, but implied smut is fine), no underage implied smut, no inc*st, I don’t personally write f/f or m/m either.  And no graphic violence for right no or pandemic/COVID-19 related story lines.

How to Request:  Send an ask (anon is fine) with a dialogue prompt number and a character.  You can also give a one sentence for a plot line.  

Disclaimer: I as always reserve the right to not write your request for any reason or no reason.  I will try to write all of them.  I also reserve the right to take a dialogue prompt out of the rotation if it gets overused.  Please do not request long complicated stories, these are just supposed to be a snippet.  Thank you!!

Now for the prompts:

1. “Yeah, yeah. You’re cute. Just stop smiling at me like that.” 

2. “I love you, but please stop whatever it is that you’re doing.” 

3. “Listen, I enjoy this hug and all, but can you stop?”

4. “I’m sorry but.. who are you?”

5. “Is that.. my shirt?”

6. “Take my bed tonight. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

7. “Quit it! You’re hogging the blankets!”

8. “I can’t feel my legs.”

9. “Hmm. So you do have feelings.”

10. “Such poison from a pretty, honeyed mouth.”

11. “Sometimes you just gotta dance.” 

12. “If there was ever a time to start running, now would be it.” 

13. “Have you ever seen a raging Pomeranian? Yeah. Thought so.”

14. “Well, let me see here, the only thing I could diagnose you with is idiocy.”

15. “Floor it!” 

16. Are you absolutely positive this isn’t dangerous?

17. “Did you actually buy that shirt?”

18. “That’s not my name.”

19. “Oh don’t worry, this blood isn’t mine.”

20.  “Okay, who threw the pencil at me?” 

21. “Friendships can be difficult, but those that survive are magical ones.”

22. “Please tell me that was the wind.”

23. “I told you.”

24. “How many cups of coffee have you had?!”

25. “It’s time to take a breather.”  “We walked a block, a block!”

26. “I am nothing if not consistent.” “A consistent pain in my ass.”

27. “I’m not going to bed just so I can spend hours staring at the ceiling.”

28. “You lost them? How do you lose a whole person!”

29.  “I’m nothing like you!”

30. “Oh please don’t eat that.”

31. “Who exactly were you calling Daddy at two fifty-seven this morning?”

32. “I can’t tell if I’m crying because I think this is sad or if the way you smell right now is just burning my eyes.”

33.  “What do you mean it broke?”

34.  “Are you two a thing?”

35. “You weren’t supposed to be back for another three months.”

36. “Did you not see the sign? It was right there!” 

37. “Drama! Panache! Shenaniginery!”

38. “Can’t we just stab them?” 

39. “Go have some tea and calm down. It’s not that bad.” 

40. “Don’t underestimate my willingness to die just to spite you.”

[ginnyzero]

Completely Harmless Ch. 31

Completely Harmless An SSO SilverGlade Re-imagining Story (Or Fix it Fan Salt fic) By Ginny O.

When Lily and her friends wanted to buy horses and were directed to the Silverglade Manor and its myriad of problems, they didn’t expect to start a revolution. They were just a bunch a stable girls. Completely harmless. Right?

A/N: Things are only canon if I say they’re canon. Pre-Saving the Moorland Stables compliant for the most part. Posted in its entirety on my website. Posted in 2000 to 4000 word bits here. Rated T for Swearing Word Count 177,577

Chapter Thirty-One Last Minute Rainbow Week Preparations

Even though Linda had posted that the Riding Arena was going to be closed, Sabine still had an argument with Lily that morning over the affair. Lily had stood firm. The Riding Arena was closed. Sabine’s obsessive need to practice was going to have to go to someplace else.

She saw them lining up their horses and insisted that they were just hogging the show jumping ring for themselves. Lily told her to stick around.

They led their horses inside and first they took the poles off the racks of the jumps and then took the racks apart and laid the pieces out before stacking them on the horses’ rumps.

They rode out of the riding arena with the equipment on their horse’s backs.

The look on Sabine’s face and the way she turned red was priceless in Lily’s opinion. The girl stomped over to her horse and rode off looking like she was going to yell at someone.

If she went to yell at the Baroness, Lily would have paid to be a fly on that wall. As it was, she sent a text warning Judy and Linda that Sabine was coming and she was pissed about the closed Riding Arena.

Once they had everything cleared out, including a table with what looked like an old cd player in the back, they stared around the empty room. The table and cd player went to the tack room. The showjumping equipment went to Thomas Moorland who had come to pick it up at the Manor in his truck.

Then they returned to the Riding Arena to face what was left.

“When do you think the last time this was cleaned?” Brittany asked.

They all looked at her.

“Valid question!” she protested.

They broke into groups.

Bjorn helped hook up the pressure washer to the faucet so they could wash the outside of the building getting the walls and the windows and washing down the parade ground outside the doors.

They were able to wave at the girls washing the inside windows on ladders with large amounts of ammonia and newspapers instead of paper towels. (Something about it doing a quick polish on the thick glass.) Another group of girls raked the dirt smooth.

After the back breaking work of putting in furniture in the wine cellar the day before it was almost relaxing. Though climbing up and down ladders to hang up the plants had been fun as two girls steadied the ladder and one girl climbed. There had been much giggling. The best part of doing the Wine Cellar had been putting in the neon sign over the back bar. Then the greatest part had been having an impromptu tasting party to give Aaron feedback on his menu. It had all been delicious including the rose and lavender ice creams. They weren’t soapy. That was always a big fear with rose and lavender. But Aaron wanted them to be specials for the grand opening!

They swept up the stands on the dressage side. Then they washed the stands down. Vacuumed the walls before washing them with sponges and buckets of soapy water. They took down the signs on the walls too. Because after that, they had to tape off the windows and cover parts of the floor near the walls and paint.

The walls were going from being white to a lovely light lavender color.

Outside, dirt and pollen and grit seemed to slide off the marble faced walls and they had to work extra hard to get it out of the seams where the columns met the walls between the windows and the border under the windows that was a series of Silverglade Clan swirls instead of a traditional Greek key or wave pattern. They cleaned out the eaves as well. Bjorn muttering about gutters. Once everything was clean, including the urns, they were able to paint the urns up. Bjorn had them help inspect the walls for any cracks.

A closer look and Bjorn pronounced that the marble had been treated with something to keep it looking pristine. That’s what made it easy to clean. Marble was notoriously porous stuff.

The girls muttered about how they wouldn’t want the place to fall apart or be defaced.

“Maybe a guard dog?”

“But do guard dogs get along with horses?”

It was a good question. The better question of course was, would the Baroness mind guard dogs?

“Ducks aren’t great guards. Geese are,” one girl observed. “But not necessarily ducks.”

“Corgis are cute and good with horses but not exactly guard dog material unless they are in swarms. I mean, they’re too cute and fuzzy to be intimidating. Plus, they’re super friendly.”

“Someone,” Bjorn reminded them, “is going to have to take care of this dog. Walk it. Feed it. Clean up the messes.”

The nearest pet show was in Fort Pinta and no one really had time at that moment to go and inquire.

“It might not be necessary,” Abigail said.

“Now that’s tempting fate,” Stacey warned her.

“Don’t say things like that, you’ll jinx it!” Brittany waved her arms. She had the hose so she sprayed water all over them.

They squealed and ducked getting wet anyways.

“Brittany!” Stacey shouted.

Abigail tried to wrestle hose from her and succeeded. Brittany yelped, let her have it and ran away. “It was an accident!” she shouted.

“Get back here!” Abigail shouted back.

Bjorn grinned and didn’t reprimand. Let the girls be girls.

After lunch from the Silver Glade courtesy of Tony with the doors fully open so the paint could dry, Agnetha appeared with new showjumping equipment. Thankfully, for everyone’s piece of mind, it wasn’t 100% purple. There was plenty of white in the jumps. Though the bars came in lavender (a light blue purple,) grape (dark blue purple,) lilac (the light red purple,) raspberry (medium red purple,) and mulberry (dark red purple.) Nothing was overly bright or garish, much to everyone’s relief.

“Now, the Baroness has declared she wants a garden style jumping ring,” Agnetha said. “And I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant but she had pictures.” Agnetha made a face.

“Oh dear,” Pauline murmured.

“What that meant, I suppose, was she wanted flowers under the jumps, shaped bushes as jumps, and either trained roses, or rose urns on the sides of the jumps. We’re compromising.”

The girls all looked at each other. They all wondered how much of an argument Agnetha and Anabella had had over this concept called compromise. Bjorn’s lips twitched and he surreptitiously sent them video he had covertly recorded for them to watch later. (There would be many gasps and a lot of giggles.)

Agnetha hefted a larger jump side out of her truck, It was a swirled design painted in raspberry. “We have two variations of these, this one, poor thing, is supposed to be a horse head.”

The girls giggled. The swirls were in the shape of a horse head. They did recognize it.

“And the other, I think for you girls, is lavender and in the shape of a duck’s head.” Agnetha rolled her eyes. “She special ordered these and we’re to train the roses on them.”

The girls nodded. That made sense and would be pretty.

“Now, we’ll be using some more standard configuration jumps and having smaller urns in them with miniature roses to keep them seated in place being heavy and all.” Agnetha continued. “Then there’s to be at least one or two jumps, I’m not sure how many jumps there actually are in this course that will be the big urns with the roses in them. I’m sure you’re sensing a theme.”

They grinned.

“Lastly, we’re going to be using some of the shrub roses to create ‘formed’ jumps. I argued for lavender, but you know how she is.” Agnetha rolled her eyes. “Now, some of the ground roses will be going under the jumps to, and I quote, tie everything together. Now, I think that if she wants a garden jumping course, she should leave the garden aspect to the experts, but no one asked me. There will also be two rose arches that are going to form the entrances and exits of the riding tracks. I guess so everyone knows where to start and where to end.”

They giggled and nodded.

“And you can bet dollars to donuts, that she will want a rose arch jump in the middle of the track once she sees it, so we’re going to get ahead of her and do it anyways.”

“Understood, Agnetha,” Lily said.

“I also have new signs, white with grape lettering and fancy roses and grape corners.” Agnetha rolled her eyes. “In about an hour, the contractors are going to be here to change out the seats for new Mulberry and Grape ones. So, we’re to stay out of their way and let them work.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem if we’re doing the jumps on the showjumping side.” Linn said.

“So, I hope you’re all finished eating because work starts now,” Agnetha announced, hand on one hip.

A couple of the girls took the signs and Bjorn’s favorite battery powered drill and went to put up the new signs where the old ones had been. The grapes and roses were embossed silver bits around the edges. They were really quite pretty and added a bit of flair to the place. They were long out of the way by the time the contractors arrived.

Inside, they had to mark everything out and set things up to see how they’d look aesthetically. Sure, the Baroness had given them a number of jumps and which jumps in each place were supposed to have so many bars, but she hadn’t said which jumps were to be what type of décor.

And Agnetha was fussy. So, they kept having to move things around until she was happy with it all. So, if the ones around the edges happened to be more shrubs and no fancy sides than the ones in the middle. (Though Agnetha had decided to turn a least one of the horse head or duck head jumps into shrub jumps instead of bars.) Then, it was only because the jumps were so close to the edge of the walls.

Or that’s what they’d tell the Baroness.

They were simply following Agnetha’s directions. They had no say in anything, nothing at all.

When they were finished, Linn tested it out.

She wasn’t in her showjumping uniform. They were all dressed for work in their pretty winery clothes that could take hard work. Linn thought it was a challenging set of jumps.

“It’s beautiful,” the Baroness said from the door.

They all turned to her.

Everyone wanted to heave a great sigh of relief.

The Baroness smiled ever so slightly. It was better than she could have imagined. She nodded at them and left.

“Is it bad that I want to give her a hug?” Tyra asked. “Like, things around here have been bad so long and now, I don’t know, I want to give her a hug and tell her it’s going to be okay.”

They all laughed at that.

“It’s not bad.” Regina said.

“I doubt she’d accept.”

“Group hug!” Shouted Brittany.

They gathered around to hug each other. Because sometimes, you needed to get the hugs out.

--

They all woke up excited, grabbing toast and dashing around to do all the clean up chores (and protecting their toast from hungry horses who liked bread.) It was decoration day! Today was the day that they were going to turn their bit of South New Jorvik County into the most rainbow celebratory festival that anyone had ever seen.

Without being tacky.

They knew the baroness would make them tear it all down if it was tacky.

But they were excited. They felt they had the right to be excited. Prying open boxes of decorations with crow bars, they hoped they had enough. Because there were plenty of hearts, and rainbow hearts and big fluffy cloud lights, and bows. Specifically, there was a large box of rainbow sequin hair bows they were to hand out to the girls they met and tell them to go see Jojo Siwa over at Moorland.

And all the bows, sequin or not, had roses with light purple crystals in the middle of them.

Giggling, they helped each other put hair bows on and put an armful of each into their saddlebags. They broke into groups, grabbing decorations, because there were a lot of them and every place needed to be decorated from the Silver Glade Restaurant, to the stables, to the gardens.

They were lucky, the lamps of the manor had arms off of them. So each lamp got a bow at the junction of the arms, a pearl studded heart on the arm nearest to the road affixed in rainbow order from one lamp to the next, and a chain of hearts wrapped around the pole (hearts also in rainbow order instead of being rainbow striped.) There were a lot of lamps.

The birch trees got decorations of hanging small clouds with trails of hearts dangling from them like it they were raining hearts. They also had lanterns with heart shapes cut out of them to hang.

They decorated the bridges with bows and the heart streamers going from bow to bow.

They found a broad board and braced it against the columns in the fountain.

Lily eyed it. “I’m not sure it’s safe.”

“Then be careful not to fall in,” Pauline teased. “Or you’ll get wet.”

“Thanks,” Lily said.

She carefully walked over to get the clouds and hearts in the trees. Linda also gave her lanterns with heart cut outs to hang up.

More of these lanterns got placed into the flower beds and hidden in the urns.

They put the hearts on the doors and in the windows. The heart streamer swags went across doorways and were draped in the windows, across the stall tops on the interior of the stable. They put bows on the fences and bigger studded hearts in the middle of the fence with the heart streamers draped between them. And they put the bows on the lower half of the exterior stall doors of the horses, chiding them not to nibble on them.

They made a display of bigger studded hearts using fishing line in the archways to either side of the main doors of the Manor.

They put up the cloud lamps in the dome of the stables, two girls holding the ladder in place as another perched precariously near the top of it. There were big clouds and small clouds and they created a grouping of them. They turned on the lights after, the LEDs in the clouds a bright white, while the big ones had LED strands in rainbow colors that faded in and out.

They liked it so much they put some over the aisles in the stables and took them down to the riding arena to do as big of a display as they could by bunching big ones together in the dressage side. Using transports, they were able to go get sun catchers and stained glass decorations from Cape West and New Hillcrest to put in the windows of the Riding Arena. There wasn’t any hay in there after all.

Rainbow heart streamers got draped around the railing of the bandstand in the garden. Pearl studded hearts hung from the arches. And more clouds were put under the dome.

They added clouds to the dome in the rooftop restaurant and more studded hearts. They put the lanterns in the middle of every table rearranging the flower vases so they made more sense. Flower boxes got a studded heart in the middle of them, with rainbow hearts swags to each side. They put bows on every fence section.

Someone decided to hide the heart streamers in the rose arches of the long archway. Along the back of the benches, they put the heart streamers, bows, and one of the big studded hearts.

The entire time they were running around, they’d run into girls their age that were riding horses or leading horses or all in all wandering about. They passed out the hair bows. “Come see Jojo Siwa and stand together this Rainbow Week!”

Reactions were mixed but no one as quite willing to refuse a sparkly sequin rainbow hair bow. The hair decorations multiplied.

FOR THE ACCOMPANYING IMAGES PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE MY WATERMARK AND CONTACT INFORMATION. THANK YOU. I get it. Some of you might get excited and want to see this stuff in the game, especially the clothes, tack, and pets. However, the only way I want to see this in the game is if I get paid for it. If I see it in the game and I’m not paid for it, there will be hell to pay. You think I’m salty. I’d be angry. Personally, I’m not going to send this info to SSO. If you do, leave my contact information there! Don’t give them any excuses to steal.

Now, I’ll know you haven’t read this note if you leave me comments about how ‘salty’ I am about the game and if I hate it so much I should do something else. I am doing something else. It’s called Mystic Riders MMORPG Project. Mystic Riders however is a very baby phase game. You can check out our plans on the game dev blog. (Skills, Factions, Professions, Crafting, Mini-Games, 25+ horse breeds!) If you know anyone who would be interested and has money or contacts about game making, direct them to the blog.

[uneryx]

Renee Gets Salty About Dark Magic

This post got long, and got away from me, so I’ll tl;dr it

1. dark magic is a metaphor for consumption and materialism and is ultimately bad because it harms others unnecessarily and is not a sustainable resource

2. the elves were dicks for banishing humans but (especially if humans sucked all the magic out of the land themselves) they were kind of justified, even if it was an extreme measure

3. Eating meat is not the same as dark magic if you’re looking at things from an animistic point of view, which the elves likely do

4. it’s okay to like problematic characters and you don’t have to portray Ezran as a monstrous enfant terrible to feel okay about thinking Viren is justified in what he does.  In fact, pretty please stop doing this, everyone in all fandoms. It’s fine if you don’t like the protags but that doesn’t mean you get to say Ezran or Rayla or whoever is EVIL. It’s called Ron the Death Eater and it’s a fandom trope that has pissed me off for going on fifteen years. Deliberately misreading the text isn’t cute. Stop doing it.

5. The show isn’t over, be patient, you’ll probably get to see some comeuppance for stuff anyway. And if you don’t, there’s always fanfiction. 

6. For the love of baby adoraburrs please tag posts that go in the vein of “the writing is bad because Viren is portrayed as a classic villain/elves good humans bad/the protags aren’t held accountalbe” with “TDP CRITICAL” I would greatly appreciate it because I’m getting super annoyed with posts that deliberately misrepresent canon to uphold a favored side and it’s affecting my enjoyment of the show. Now! Actual long and discourse-heavy post under the cut!

 Ugh I don’t want to start a big ol’ argument with people because I’m still on vacation and don’t want to spend the rest of today arguing about cartoons on the internet, but this has been on the kettle for a while and I feel QUITE STRONGLY about some of these things, so just... let me express my views here and don’t come for me because I’m about to talk about religion and sociology. 

Dark Magic is a metaphor for unchecked consumption and capitalism.  1. The theory i’m seeing floating around that got my dander up is that the elves and dragons drained the western half of the continent of magic to keep magic away from humans. I think that, based on what we’ve learned from canon, this is highly unlikely and would be weaker writing than what I think actually happened. Instead, Dark magic was going on for a good solid 800 years (Rise of Elarion is 2000 years before canon) before Sol Regem faced off with Viard (1200 years before canon). The division of Xadia was another 200 years after that. Humans had a solid honking millennium of unchecked dark magic. It is quite likely that the reason the west is entirely devoid of magic, and that humans were banished there, is because they sucked all the magic out of that half themselves. Poor innocent baby humans nothing. They got a taste of power and progress and, like real world humans, let that get WAY out of control.

2. “But Lujanne eats bugs, she’s a hypocrite for saying Claudia can’t squish bugs for pancakes” I want you to go down to your local new-age/witchy bookstore and find yourself an animist that eats meat. You are going to get glared at SO HARD if you whip out the “you think animals have souls but you eat meat!” chestnut. Because here’s the thing.

Eating meat/animal products is an act of life, necessary to sustain the life of someone else. We don’t vilify wolves for eating deer. You gotta eat to live your life, and the human (or, we can assume, bipedal humanoid) diet includes a need for complex protein chains, quite often found in animal meat. 

But the reason that we find cannibalism repulsive in western society is because it’s eating another human, despite the fact that humans are made of meat. It’s eating something that we consider sentient, dignified and possessed of a soul. Of course, the taboo also derives from the fact that you can contract prion disease from consuming human meat, but people in 11th century Normandy didn’t know that.  It is quite likely, especially given what we’ve seen of magical creatures and Ezran’s ability to talk to animals, that elves view non-human/elf creatures as sentient and possessed of a soul. If that’s the case, then OF COURSE they would see dark magic as horrific.

But eating meat is not on the same level because, as we see from the assassins, death is a part of life, and sometimes necessary. I imagine that hunting and taking a creature’s life for food is an act that is done with respect. The creatures are honored or thanked before they’re eaten or turned into leather. Highly ritualized to dignify that creature’s life.  Dark magic doesn’t do that. Dark magic sucks the whole life out, without so much of a how do you do.  It’s treating a person like a thing. It’s sucking all the life and essence out of someone so you can shoot fireballs or make fluffy pancakes. Lets be real - you don’t need to do either of those things, so the creature thus died in vain. 3. “The elves are selfish bastards for hogging all the magic.” I agree. Granted, their attitudes may have cooled in the ensuing centuries. It’s a new dawn, the era of Zubeia. We might see elves getting over their uppity selves and working to help teach humans magic. We might also see the show explore that kind of prejudice as Callum learns more magic. In fact, I hope we do. However, two wrongs dont make a right.  If Japan bombs the absolute fuckshit out of Hawaii, that does not make it okay to flash-fry Nagasaki with a weapon that blights the land and its people for years and years afterward.

To the elves (who are magical creatures and therefore totally usable as spell components), that’s what dark magic is. Suddenly, haha oh fuck, the humans have a fucking NUKE that every elf and dragon in Xadia is vulnerable to.  If a weapon was devised that ONLY a certain portion of the population was affected by, you better bet your sweet bippy that people would panic and make it forbidden and illegal, and severely punish the people who created it. ESPECIALLY if those people were already marginalized. Sucks, don’t it? Doesn’t mean the writing is bad for portraying people having a realistic reaction to something that is harmful to them. The elves aren’t justified in hogging the magic, and I hope future chapters will explore that. But the elves ARE a liiiiiittle bit justified in freaking out. I hold they could’ve come up with a better solution than BANISH HUMANS, but they didn’t. Makes for interesting story conflict, doesn’t it? 4. “Humans NEED dark magic!” / “Calling dark magic a shortcut is dumb” Did they tho? Did they really? Really really? We, modern day humans, don’t NEED smart phones (which rely on several rare earth minerals and are causing untold ecological disaster in areas where they’re miend). We, modern day humans, don’t NEED coal power (which is controlled by coal companies, who keep telling us that we totally do, despite many scientists saying that renewable energy is ready to go whenever). We don’t NEED blackberries from Mexico year-round, or a whole hell of a lot of the things we have come to rely on and consider part of our every day lives. All of these things are unnecessary and shortcuts to progress.

The only - ONLY! - good, necessary thing we’ve seen in canon that dark magic was required for was using the magma titan’s heart for saving people from famine.

A lot of the complaints about sustainable energy and efforts to heal the planet as climate change become increasingly a crisis stem from the fact that doing things RIGHT, in a way that is sustainable and doesn’t strip every last resource out of our home, is that it takes time. It takes SO MUCH TIME to do things properly. Yeah, we can keep going with our coal and our gas-guzzler cars and our fracking and our rare-earth metals... but we ARE going to run out. And then what?  Dark magic is the same principle. Eventually, you’re going to run out of resources. 

5. Where I think the show is going My main beef with those (and there’s a lot of ya, so I’m not intending to single anyone out) who say that the writing is lazy for dark magic bad elfs good is that the show is not over. Wonderstorm is doing their damndest to give us the saga. And they’ve said, out right, that there WILL be books, if nothing else.

You can’t judge a story’s merits when it’s only been half told. Right now, what the show has done is it has shown us the worst and best of the elves (for example, Khessa’s purity test vs Rayla refusing to kill Ez so she doesn’t perpetuate a cycle of violence) and the worst and best of the humans (ex: Viren forcibly turning thousands of people into monsters against their will vs Viren risking his life in order to save thousands of people from famine). The show has done well to demonstrate that there is good and bad in everyone, and it’s the choices you make and the respect you show others’ autonomy that makes you a good or bad person. The dominoes are in place. The saga has only begun. Being mad that Ezran burned an army (that he likely knew from Soren was invulnerable to fire) or that Aanya shot Kasef in the face (when Opeli would have told her that Kasef conspired behind Ezran’s back to usurp the throne, which is AN ACT OF WAR btw) means you aren’t looking at the big picture. There WILL be consequences for those actions in later seasons, mark my words.

I’m sorry if you’re a Viren or Claudia stan, but they have made choices that hurt other people, and it is in no way shape or form Ezran or Callum or Rayla or ANYONE ELSE’S fault that they made the choices they did. Instead of being mad at the show for not portraying your fav as an innocent victim, be glad that you got such a wonderfully complex set of villains who, quite likely, will get a bomb-ass redemption arc. In fact, I’ll bet you anything that Viren’s walk back from the edge has already begun. The dude fucking DIED, and he’s not going to be eager to get in there and get all grabby with the power any time soon. 

That’s what good writing IS - conflict. Tension. People making morally questionable choices. We like it because every day people are hypocrites and morally questionable. You, and I, and everyone we know. Nobody’s perfect and getting cranky and painting the protagonists with the broad villain brush so you can feel good about liking a problematic fave is... some peak tumblr bullshit, tbh.  It’s okay to like characters who aren’t perfect. How fucking boring fiction would be if everyone was perfect.

Now if I can ask my mutuals to please tag their criticisms of the show that go in the vein of “the writing is bad because dark magic is portrayed so negatively/they don’t hold the protags accountable/elves good humans bad” with “TDP critical” I would greatly appreciate it. It’s getting to the degree where things are becoming very not fun and making me cranky.  Thank you, Renee out. 

[rueitae]

The Secrets of Beasts

Completely unplanned and the fastest 2000 words I’ve ever written. Much fluff and sap inspired by some talk on the Pidgance Positivity Server about show epilogues/time skips/general Paladin futures. And also this post.

Plance as usual, set at an undetermined amount of time post series.

The team is investigating a mysterious nebula, but the Green Lion is obstinate about Pidge joining them.

Although I’m almost 100% sure someone has done something very similar, here’s my humble take.

~~~~~

Pidge yawned, cupping a hand over her mouth, exhausted from near constant research. She should call it a night, it was near two in the morning. Anything for a mission, she supposed.

She had the sleeves of her Coalition uniform rolled up to her elbows and shirt unbuttoned, exposing the black flight suit. A bright green stain on it nearly matched her uniform, but it was only the remains of hastily cleaned up food goo, spilled earlier while her mind had been focused on the mission.

“Where did the time go,” she wondered, rubbing her eyes. At least she was finished with her studies to the point of personal satisfaction. Looking at the data any further wouldn’t be productive. Hunk would double check things for her anyway.

The Green Lion rumbled, expressing a concern for her Paladin.

Pidge grinned, feeling less tired with her closest companion in her mind. “I know I have to take care of myself, Girl. I’ll go to bed as soon as I report what I have to the team.”

It took only a few steps to walk over to her communications station, one that she had retrofitted to her specifications. Her father’s design for the Atlas left little to be desired, but the comfort of having a workstation in the Green Lion’s hanger reminded her of their time on the Castle, and it meant a lot to her.

She called up the Black Lion and Keith answered immediately. He smiled warmly and Kosmo joined him, nearly pushing Keith over to sniff the screen.

“Hey Pidge, any good news?” he asked while pushing the cosmic wolf gently to the side.

“Somewhat,” Pidge responded. “The nebula seems to be harmless at least, and there’s no evidence of the Rift Creatures that I can tell. You guys should be good to proceed.”

A second screen popped on to her monitor and Allura joined the conversation from the Blue Lion. “I have not sensed the Creatures either. Although, I would feel much better if we had the means to form Voltron.”

“I second that,” Hunk chimed in, creating a third screen on Pidge’s monitor. “I do not like poking at a complete unknown, even with all of us. It just seems like a bad idea.”

Pidge offered a condoling smile and a shrug. “Sorry I couldn’t be there. Green was pretty adamant about staying on the Atlas while Dad and Shiro run the system reboot.”

Pidge couldn’t help a grin as Lance finally rounded out the team on her monitor. His face read of angst and displeasure.

“You know listening to the Lions is for the best Lance, they know what they’re doing,” she told him. “Blue took us to the Castle remember? Stop pouting.”

“I’m not pouting,” he protested. His frown deepened. He was definitely pouting. Pidge found it adorable and endearing. “I’m a little annoyed that I haven’t seen my wife in a week and when I do, she calls Keith before me! Don’t I get any kind of marriage privileges?” he finished dramatically.

“Oh my gosh,” Hunk said. He tried to groan and feign equal annoyance, but the delight on his face told a different story. “Can you two not have a couples spat on the Voltron mind link?”

“Do not answer that question, Pidge,” Allura said firmly. “Lance has been a Goybeenian Monkling all movement because of your absence. He deserves it.”

“I am not!” Lance defended. Although wearing his helmet, Pidge could easily imagine his hairs standing on end.

“I think Green would have said something if the sample I have was truly dangerous. If Allura isn’t sensing anything, Keith isn’t sensing anything, and I haven’t found anything scientifically dangerous, then you’re good to proceed.” She yawned, unable to help it after her long winded answer. “Although if you wouldn’t mind waiting another six varga I'd like to be awake to watch.”

“Yes, I think that is a fantastic idea,” Lance agreed firmly, huffing and crossing his arms.

“Sounds good, Pidge. We’ll see you in six varga,” Keith confirmed. Kosmo hogged the right side of the screen, and despite Keith’s soothing pets, continued to whine and whimper.

“Everything alright with Kosmo? He usually isn’t this vocal.” Pidge worried.

Keith frowned, and didn’t answer right away. “He just misses you,” he finally said with a genuine smile. “Congratulations, by the way.”

“What are we congratulating?” Allura asked, confusion written on her face, and everyone else’s save Keith.

“Uh, Pidge is having a baby,” Keith said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

The video link went dead silent, but the chatter in their minds ran a mile a minute.

“I’m sorry, I’m what?” Pidge exclaimed.

Keith blinked. “You didn’t know? Kosmo says he’s been smelling it on you the week before we left.”

The unmistakable sound of Green standing on all fours took Pidge’s attention away from her team momentarily. The Lion’s eyes lit up bright yellow and unleashed a proud roar.

Allura gasped in delight. “This is wonderful news. And it now makes sense why the Green Lion refuses to leave the Atlas. She wanted Pidge to find out first.”

“Oh man, this is amazing!” Hunk said. “We are totally throwing a party. Lance, dude, buddy, you’re gonna be a dad!”

Lance’s screen wobbled slightly, a sign Hunk had steered the Yellow Lion to give the Red Lion a congratulatory bump. The Red Paladin himself hadn’t yet spoken, his jaw hanging open slightly.

Pidge sympathized, she wasn’t sure what to say either. She cleared her throat. “Well… I guess I can’t argue with a cosmic wolf and a ten thousand year old sentient mechanical lion that lives in my head.” Her heart swelled and she couldn’t help but smile. “So, hey Lance, I’m pregnant.” The words sounded so foreign, but none had ever felt better to say.

That finally broke Lance’s silence. Tears welled up in his eyes behind his helmet. “I’m gonna be a dad,” he said. “I’m gonna be a dad!” he said once more, animated and bouncing up from his chair.

“Okay, let’s let Pidge rest,” Keith said, still smiling. “We’ve got a mission to complete later. We should all do the same.”

Green lowered herself and opened the ramp through the mouth, beckoning Pidge to climb in and pilot.

Pidge couldn’t stop smiling. “Looks like I’ll be joining you guys after I get some sleep.”

“Sounds good, ‘night Pidge.” Keith ended the communication.

“Congratulations, Pidge, Lance. We look forward to seeing you soon,” Allura said before also dismissing herself.

“Okay I just need to know, what kind of cake are we talking?” Hunk asked. “Regular Earth flavors or are we thinking something a little more exotic?”

“We’ll talk about that later, Hunk,” Lance said, tinged with a bit of annoyance. “Can I just talk to Pidge for a second? Alone?”

Hunk slumped. “Yeah okay. Just consider Hovian chocolate. In the back of your minds.”

Pidge crossed her arms and smirked. “You and Matt are going to be co-godfathers. Go prepare yourself for that.”

“Pidge that’s not fair!” Hunk protested, tears streaming down his face. “You can’t pull something that important on me when I can’t hug you!”

“And now you know how I feel,” Lance pointed out dryly.

“Okay, okay I get it. I’m off!” He paused. “I love you guys.”

“Love you too, bud,” Lance said affectionately, sniffling to dry up his tears.

Hunk removed himself from the group conversation.

“He’s right you know,” Lance started. “I want to be with you right now, holding you and our kid.”

“I know,” Pidge agreed. “I’m still trying to wrap this around my head. It doesn’t feel real.”

“You’re the smartest person I know,” Lance said warmly. “It’ll come to you before me.”

Pidge fiddled her thumbs, bringing her abdomen in her field of vision. She brought her hand to rest where she knew months from now the pregnancy would be obvious. “It’ll be a new challenge,” she said. “But less stressful than saving the universe I think.”

Lance laughed. “Ask Lisa or my mom and they’ll probably tell us otherwise.” His smile changed to one radiating confidence and compassion. “We’re gonna do it as a team though, just like we do with Voltron. And it’s going to be great.”

His eyes were filled with nothing but love. It made her feel comfortable and warm.

“I know. I love you, Lance. I’ll see you in person soon. After I sleep I need to get the sample loaded. We can tell our families the good news when we get back - together.”

“Sounds like a plan. I love you too, Pidge. Send my kisses to our peanut.” With exaggeration, he blew a kiss and placed it on his monitor.

Pidge humored him and caught it dramatically, placing it on her belly. “You’re going to need a better nickname for the kid,” she chided. “You know I hate peanuts.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “I’ll have one by the time you and Green get here. Get some sleep, Pidge.”

“Night, Lance,” she responded.

He ended the group chat and Pidge stood for a solid minute just staring at the blank screens, mouth curved into a frown and missing him already.

She turned to Green with a wry grin. “You’re pretty good at keeping secrets, Girl. Anything else you got for me?”

A low, playful rumble was the only answer she received.

“Fine then. I guess millennia old beings can have their secrets,” she teased. Pidge walked up to Green, who closed her mouth to allow Pidge to pet her snout.

She received a purr in response.

Pidge wrapped her arms around Green’s nose as much as she physically could, smiling the whole time. She figured maybe it was the pregnancy, but all of a sudden Pidge was in a very affectionate mood. “I love you, Girl. You’re the best Lion, don’t let the others tell you any different.”

The Green Lion sent a wave of images through her mind; her bed, pillow, pajamas.

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’m exhausted,” Pidge said, pulling away. “I’ll see you later.”

As Pidge exited the hanger, Green sat up in its default mode, effortlessly looking proud and dignified.

Pidge made it as far as her pajamas and getting under the covers, but sleep eluded her. The excitement of discovery and a new personal mission kept her mind buzzing.

Eventually, she focused on the wall of photographs she and Lance used in decoration for their room. Many of them were of the whole Voltron team, a good number of them on some of their more memorable dates, but the one her eyes wandered to was their wedding photo.

Pidge could still feel the comfort of her dress, and how happy the white chiffon and green sash had made her, given to her as a gift from some of Matt’s close Coalition friends. She’d been expecting to wear her uniform, as Lance did, since wedding dresses hadn’t been on the forefront of minds while rebuilding Earth’s infrastructure and economy.

She’d missed having a good reason to wear a dress. The thoughtfulness still made her tear up to this day.

Now she’d have more reason. Even her baggiest clothes wouldn’t fit her eventually.

The thought made her curl up and close her eyes with a smile. The coming months would have their downsides, but all she cared about right now was how good and warm she felt. Lance beside her was the only thing that would have possibly made her happier.

It would only get better when she woke and joined her Voltron family.

Pidge decided the first thing she would do though, is EVA over to the Red Lion and hold her husband for all he was worth.

It would be a very long hug.

[wickedwyrmsa]

💘 + mox and matt cus it's not but i wanted to see how you think it'd go

            –––––– HEADCANONS MEME: DATING EDITION!! ––––––

where  they   first   met   and   how

i like to believe that jon and matt first met in the alley behind a bar. matt kinda scared and jon just happy that he gets to creep someone out. just imagine mox waiting between sentences just to answer with a loud BOO which almost sends matt off his feet, aww.

how   long   their   ‘flirting’   phase   was   before   feelings   got   involved

at least half a year. jon is slow. even if matt was quicker he would be too stupid to pick up on it untilmatt literally tells him. but i can see jon tryin to flirt in his own funny way even though he isn’t sure yet whether he has developed romantic feelings for matt. 

who   fell   for   who   first   ( if   applicable )

probably matt. idk why but i really see him trying to hit on mox who’s too blind to see what’s happening. especially because he wouldn’t think a cute and nice dude could have a serious interest in him. 

where   their   first   date   was   and   what   it   was   like

probably in the same alley as their first meeting went down hahahaha jon would try to make it romantic by lighting a candle while they just sit on the cold concrete and talk for hours.

who   asks   who   out   and   how   ( with   a   sign?   spelled   out   on   a   cake?   just   a   simple   ‘will   you   go   out   with   me’? )

OMG i’m not sure jon would be the first but generally jon asking matt on a date would be so AWKWARD??!?! ‘dude lets hang out like… you and i. alone. i’ll invite you or some sht.’

who   proposes   first

jon. once he feels secure and wanted in a relationship, he will get more comfortable and eventually take manners into his own hands. 

if   they   keep   /   kept   their   relationship   secret   or   let   everyone   know   right   away

jon being jon it would probably be a secret. he doesn’t like people sniffing around in his private life. knowing matt though, it’s not impossible that he’d drop hints on their youtube show.

where   the   proposal   happens   and   how   ( kiss   cam   at   a   baseball   game?   on   a   hillside   surrounded   by   ducks?   at   a   disney   park? )

mister mox is a very simple man. probably just on the couch in the living room or maybe in the garden. ‘babe our relationship is great. i love you. we’re getting married. go buy a suit.’ 

if   they   adopt   any   pets   together

MORE DOGS!!!!!

who’s   more   dominant

………………….. mox :/ a big angry man (with more soft moments than he cares to admit)

where   their   first   kiss   was   and   what   it   was   like

oh! matt and jon, drunk on the toilet at a party after some aew show, celebrating their wins and cELEBRATING THAT THEY FINALLY ADMIT TO THEIR FEELINGS!!

if   they   have   any   matching   couples   stuff   ( mugs?   sweaters?   pillowcases? )

omg jon loves to pretend he’s the big bad guy but secretly he will bring back matching pajamas fOR SURE because he loves a comfy flannel pajama and he might get them matching phone cases (possibly with a picture of them printed on it, in the hope of hating his phone a little less when he sees matt everytime that he uses it).

who   holds   the   umbrella   when   it   rains

they switch. arms get tired if you have to hold the damn thing all the time. 

where   their   usual   ‘date   spot’   is   ( if   applicable )

either the bar where they first kissed or maybe they will find a chill restaurant, like a diner, nothing fancy at all, just a place where they can eat some burgers and laugh about dumb sht.

who’s   more   protective

i want to say they’d both go out of their way to protect the other!

how   long   it   is   before   they   sleep   together   ( can   be   as   in   ‘had   sex’   or   as   in   ‘shared   a   bed’ )

had sex? probably the night when they kissed too. sharing a bed though… that will be even after they admitted to their feelings. 

if   they   argue   about   anything

all the time but never about serious things. it usually ends in playfulness.

who   leaves   more   marks   ( lipstick,   hickeys,   scratchmarks   etc. )

neither. love marks are for teens. 

who   steals   whose   clothes   and   how   often

jon ends up wearing matt’s clothes all the time mainly because he’s the sniff-and-wear type of guy not caring what exactly he has on. so i see it happening that he always ends up wearing his boyfriends shirts and hoodies until matt asks him where all his clothes went. then he tired to be more careful for a day until things go back to normal.

how   they   cuddle   ( spooning?   facing   each   other? )

jon laying on top of matt, ignoring the fact that he probably crushes his lungs because he needs the physical contact and spooning isn’t good enough. 

what   their   favourite   nonsexual   activity   is

WRESTLING

how   long   they   stay   mad   at   each   other

maybe like.. 2 minutes before someone makes a stupid joke.

what   their   usual   coffee   /   tea   orders   are

jon drinks his coffee black. matt with too much sugar but no milk! but both of them are suckers for energy drinks more than anything else. coffee is only served in the mornings. 

if   they   ever   have   any   children   together

nah. only dog kids. jon is a bit scared of being a real dad. he doesn’t want to be a dad who’s never there. 

if   they   have   any   special   pet   names   for   each   other

nothing out of the ordinary. jon will use babe a wHOLE LOT and he just takes what matt is willing to give. maybe matt would be the type to name him something more rare like……. i honestly don’t know. something that jon would never expect for sure. causes a big laugh too the first time that it is used!

if   they   ever   split   up   and   /   or   get   back   together

their relationship is solid. jon is the all or nothing type of person. if they ever broke up it would be a break up for good!

what   their   shared   living   space   is   like   ( messy?   clean?   what   kind   of   decor? )

hm.. jon doesn’t love cleaning and because they have limited time together between work he’d probably hire a cleaning lady once or twice a week to keep an order in the house. they’re both down to earth men. lots of wood furniture and a huge garden are absolutely necessary. a home gym with a ring would be cool and something i can see both of them wanting! they’re probably the kind of couple who gets up in the middle of the night because one of the had an idea for a new move and they want to try it. 

what   their   first   christmas   /  hanukkah   /  etc   as  a   couple   was   like

since mox doesn’t have a lot of family left that he still talks to, he’d invite his mom and his siters over to celebrate together with the jackson family probably!

what   their   names   are   in   each   other’s   phones

in jon’s phone matt will just be matt because he was happy he managed to save the number in the first place and doesn’t know how to change the name anymore. but i see matt taking his phone to change it eventually because he wants the status!!!!!!!!! and matt will save jon as ‘my man’ just to make sure EVERYONE who dares to look at his phone screen when it lights up KNOWS

if   they   have   any   ‘couple   traditions’   ( buying   a   new   mug   for   their   collection   every   year?   baking   every   friday   evening? )

wednesday night is reserved for a wrestling marathon. they love watching the old wrestlemanias together and love studying japanese shows from the early 2000. also they ALWAYS go to bed together because they both hate sleeping along and it’s tradition that every year they start the BBQ season with a little garden party to which only the two of them are invited. 

who   falls   asleep   first   and   who   wakes   up   first

jon falls asleep last. he’s always overthinking some stupid stuff like who really is behind the iluminati and how god had the idea of creating the desert, just random stuff that keeps him up while matt already snores next to him. but because dreams aren’t always amazing to him, he also gets up first. matt sleeps in. long enough that on some days jon wakes him because he’s hungry and wants them to have breakfast. 

who’s   the   big   spoon   /   little   spoon

BIG SWITCH ENERGY!!!!! 

who   hogs   the   bathroom

matt will hammer his fists wound if he tries to get jon off the toilet. he brings his tablet there and watches wrestling match after wrestling match while taking care of business. 

who   kills   the   spiders   /   takes   them   outside

no spiders in the house. the dogs take care of that. if there was one jon wouldn’t mind killing it but matt tries to make him take it outside. 

[missfinefeather]

Well, My Immortal is an infamous Harry Potter fan fiction from some point in the 2000s (It was taken down from fanfiction.net so I don’t know the exact date, but the re-upload dates 2008.)

It follows the exploits of a teenage Hogwarts student named Ebony Darkness Dimentia Raven Way. She’s a vampire who’s whole hog into the goth fashion craze (and we know because the author describes her clothing every other chapter...)

She’s in relationship with Draco Malfoy (who in this universe looks like the lead singer of My Chemical Romance,) for whom she’s in a deeply sexual relationship with. Just to warn you, the next lines, are very graphic!

He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

However, she gets pulled into a love triangle with Harry Potter (who looks like the lead singer of Good Charlotte in this universe,) who has changed his name to Vampire and moved to Slytherin after he became a vampire. Eventually, Enoby finds out that that Vampire and Draco were former gay lovers which turns into a whole arc where she’s angry at Draco...

God this fanfiction is difficult to summarize...

Snape and Lupin are pedophiles now, and lust after Ebony. There’s this whole scene where they catch her in the shower.

Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. “EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

...and... like, they don’t get arrested for anything, and eventually Snape and Lupin wind up in a sexual relationship together (they let Dobby watch) in which Ebony takes blackmail photos...

Oh, and like, 30 chapters in, she gets involved in a time travel storyline...

Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1 He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans. “What da hell r u dong here!11” I asked. “I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby.” he said siriusly Den……….he took out a blak tim machine. I went in2 it and……………………..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111

...you know what? I’m not going to spoil the whole thing. It’s worth going on the journey, it’ll be rough, but it’s all worth it to eventually read the amazing chapter where a troll breaks into the authors fanfiction.net account and made their own addition to the story. IT IS FUCKING AMAZING!

(Make sure to read it from here as some sources leave the troll chapter out.)

[thecartoonarchivist]

Weekly Spotlight #3

Alrighty!! Onto week 3 of the Weekly Spotlight!

In honor school starting up for many individuals all around the U.S. in the next week or two, I’m going to be discussing the TV show--- Drum roll, please!

*a very vibrant drum roll*

Class of 3000!

When I first decided to do a Weekly Spotlight on this show, the only thing I could really remember about this show was part of its theme song. Not the intro itself, but its theme song. To be completely honest, I often find myself humming it or playing it over in my head when I’m doing tasks that don’t require a whole lot of thinking. I also remember an old flash game that Cartoon Network used to have on their website but... that’s not really conducive to this Spotlight.

I have the distinct feeling that when you hear the theme song, a lot of you will start to remember it too. Warning! This theme song is will get stuck in your head if you’re not careful. You have been warned: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSpEd7XI1Fg

To give a little bit of background into this series, this show was produced in a joint venture between the Tom Lynch Company, Andre 3000, and Cartoon Network. Some of you may know Andre 3000 (a.k.a. André Benjamin) as a famous rapper, part of a duo known as Outkast. For those of you who don’t know who this individual is (like me,) Andre 3000 is the musical genius behind the famous hit, “Hey ya!” and worked with other famous individuals in the hip hop genre such as Drake, Jay-Z, B.o.B., Lil’ Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, and many others. To say that Andre 3000 is talented would be an understatement. Of course, going into this, I was a bit skeptical since a lot of series based on famous personalities not only tend to age extremely poorly, but also because the entire foundation for the series itself ends up being built on very shaky ground in the first place.

That being said, rewatching a couple episodes of this series, I ended being shocked at how charming and unique this series was. I actually could believe how much of this show I had ended up forgetting and instantly started to wonder whether or not I realized how good it was when it was still airing.

So! The premise: Sunny Bridges is a famous musician that has many individuals that look up to him as an idol, including a local Atlanta, Georgia boy named Lil’ D. However, having spent so long in the music industry with its main goal to make more money, Sunny has lost his love of music and decides to quit the music business. Lil’ D, having lost both his idol and his school music teacher in the same day, is completely heartbroken along with the rest of his other musical classmates. Desperate to find a new music teacher, the class band together to help raise money for a new hire. After a series of quirky events and shenanigans, Sunny becomes aware of their plight and decides to become their new music teacher. And that’s the basic situation that sets up for the rest of series. The show then follows the wacky situations and crazy solutions that Sunny and the rest of the music class come up with in order to solve their outlandish problems.

And honestly? This show was fantastic. For a show that premiered over ten years ago, I’m completely shocked by not only how relevant the show continues to be, but also how well all of it has aged!

I think one of the things that works in its favor is the strangely unique character designs. Sure, they have the iconic noodley arms, lack of ten fingers, and very exaggerated defining features. But all of it is done in such a way that leaves an imprint on your mind that these characters are their own thing. It’s their own style and their own personalities that even simple “archetypes” fail to do justice to their own individuality. And I absolutely loved it.

One of the things about this series is that it prioritizes fun over everything else. And when I say that, I absolutely mean it. Everything about this series absolutely screams experimentation: from the hand-painted, messy, watercolored backgrounds, to the bizarre, psychedelic, music sequences, you can tell that the creators of this tv show just when hog-wild with it and simply had fun. The jokes are corny, yet surprisingly real. The situations are over-the-top and ridiculous. The dialogue is quick-witted and snappy. I even caught some insane subtle 80′s pop-culture references, such as references to Jumpman (the original Super Mario game) and Flashdance, complete with their own water scene and references to Michael Sembello’s hit song “Maniac.” And the craziest part about all of this? I had fun too.

Did all of it age great? Certainly not. The music sequences constantly made me question: Am I high? Did someone slip something into my drink? 

(Yes. This all came from the same exact show. No, I am not joking.)

Some of the music absolutely screamed early 2000′s. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZhXkq9kTNk&index=5&list=PLBB2FE6AE00856C63

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn_EGLtOVGU&index=6&list=PLBB2FE6AE00856C63

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XBRMpvW_mQ&list=PLBB2FE6AE00856C63&index=11

At times, some of the jokes and the writing felt predicable. But honestly, when you put “fun” first and foremost in this series, those flaws don’t seem as completely egregious as your first impression lets you believe.

The music, overall, was extremely catchy. The comedic timing was spot on. Even the situations, although blown completely out of proportion, felt so realistic that I was reminded of my own headaches and frustrations living through music class in high school. Honestly, this series was just fun, interesting, and a great breath of fresh air after watching so many cartoons that use the same episodic formula with no love in what they do. 

So from a musical standpoint, how does it fair? Is it actually, you know, accurate?

The thing about this series is that it didn’t focus on musical lessons per say. Yes, they did have lessons that hearken back to my high school days in the band room with my director standing at the podium, waving his baton like there was no tomorrow. But really, these lessons were more life lessons wrapped up in musical clothing. The pilot opens up with the idea that you shouldn’t forget where you came from; you may want to leave this place behind and throw away all the things that you considered “boring” and “uneventful” but when you get out into the real world, you start to appreciate all the things that made you who you are now. And that lesson? In a kids’ tv show?!  That’s crazy. I could feel myself reflecting on each moral with every passing episode, and I just was surprised on how real it was. I never felt like I was being talked down to, or that the production team was cutting corners, just for the sake of putting out another episode; really, I just felt this outpouring of love and passion into a crazy project that felt like the creators never thought it’d see the light of day. 

As a musician, however, I’m able to notice a few inconsistencies here and there that make the magic less ever so slightly. I was a little disappointed to find that a lot of times whenever the character Madison, a derpy, blonde violinist with a heart of gold, it wasn’t played by a true violin; in all reality, a lot of the music that was supposedly played by Madison was actually just a synthesizer. (In English, that means that they had a violinist play each individual note from lowest to highest; record it; and then use those recording on an electronic keyboard, so that they can play it as if you play a piano. It’s very hard to spot the difference, but as a violinist myself, the difference is rather stark for my ears.) I can understand why they did this--- hiring a violinist for every small violin sound that your character makes just doesn’t make sense on a cartoon budget. Still, it saddens me how little there was of actual violin audio. Speaking of violins and “faking” sounds, I also found that the music that was playing and the music that the kids were supposedly “making” had a surprising disconnect. Often, I see scenes where Tamika, a sassy harpist, Madison, and even Eddie, the rich clarinet player, were all playing and yet... those instruments were clearly absent from the song. Again, the rule of fun first, but still... it always urks me as a musician to see instruments playing when they are obviously not playing in the song. It just looks so stupid. 

There were also a lesson or two that I felt were very important life lessons but were a little... lacking in the musical department. Take “Peanuts! Get Yer Peanuts!” for example. Sunny opens up with a question on what he should start teaching as a music teacher, as he has never done it before. Kam suggests that they do finger exercises, as that’s what their old music teacher used to do. Sunny, instead, decides that he’s going to have the kids be “artistically free” and just... play what calls to them. Have fun with it! Play what it feels like to be in a cave, or on a busy street, or to knock the walls down! What Sunny fails to realize in this situation is that, although having fun with your instrument and feeling what the music is trying to tell you is important, “finger exercises” are the foundation of good playing. Are they boring? Absolutely. Are they tedious? Oh, sweet Macy, yes! But are they important? You better bet your bottom dollar they are! If you can’t play at all, how are you supposed to play challenging music? How are you supposed to play what you feel when you can’t even play with good form? Having fun with your playing is important; you aren’t going to even pick up your instrument if you aren’t having fun. But if you don’t have a certain level of discipline, there’s no way in hell that you’ll ever succeed on a professional level as a musician. That’s just how it works. Of course, the lesson in this episode is focused on working together and how important communication is when working as a group, but I still felt that this... inaccuracy gave a false representation on how being a musician actually works.

But at the end of the day, this is a show about having fun with your art as well as learning some life lessons on the side.

Overall, this show is extremely charming. The jokes were extremely clever and enjoyable. (Tamika: Are you sure you saw Sunny Bridges go this way? Lil’ D: Unless I mistook him for a bear driving a Jaguar. *Bear speeds off in a sports car* Lil’ D: That was a Lamborghini!) And the art was something interesting and stunning to look at. I was surprised over and over by the limits that they tried to take with this show (how many new and interesting was can you draw caricatures of your own cartoon drawings?!) and honestly, this show was just some good wholesome fun. 

Rating this show, I’d have to give it an 8 out of 10. 

It was great. A little weird at times, sure! But that’s the cool thing about experimentation--- you get some weird stuff sometimes. This series is going to the top of my rewatch list because, really, I remember so little about it and the show was so enjoyable that I absolutely want to sit down to relive all the silly adventures that the Class of 3000 will bring me. 

I highly recommend you give this show a chance and see what it’ll give you. You never know--- you might just have a little fun while you’re at it.

[Edit (8/23/2018): I forgot the read more tab... *deep sigh*]

[Edit (9/22/2018): How the fuck did I miss tagging this as the Weekly Spotlight?!? I am so sorry!]

[Edit (11/21/2018): Fixed a broken tagging system.]

If there are any corrections you’d like to make in regards to this post, please feel free to send me a message with your corrections and I’ll get back to it as soon as I can!

Do you remember a cartoon your friends have never heard of? Got a scene from an animated film that you’re dying to know the name to? Send your questions to The Cartoon Archivist and I’ll see what I’ve got in the vault!

[sgfgsarah]

With You // Calum Hood Pt. 6

summary - basically you and calum grow up together and fall in love

word count - 2000+ 

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

December 2012

16 years old

Calum nervously fiddled his fingers together as he looked up at Mr. and Mrs. Carson, his large puppy dog eyes filled to the brim with hope.

"This is a lot to take in, Cal." Mr. Carson said with a sigh, knitting his worried eyebrows together. "Are you sure this is a smart idea?"

Mrs. Carson looked down sadly at the boy, not quite sure what to tell him.

"Sweetheart, it's her life, and if she wants to come with you boys, I trust you. But that simply is not up for me to decide for her."

Mr. Carson looked more hesitant than his wife, but ultimately agreed that it was not up to either of them to make this decision for their daughter.

Evie walked out of her room, a smile developing on her confused looking face, "Cal? What's up? Why didn't you tell me you were coming over?"

Calum tried his best to gulp down his fear. "Evie, c-can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?"

Evie furrowed her brow at her best friend's nervous state, motioning for him to follow her into her room. She plopped down on her bed, patting the seat next to her.

Calum slowly sat down, turning slightly so he could face her. Calum continues to wring his hands together, trying to focus on looking at anything except Evie's face as he proposed the offer that would — at least it seemed like it would at the time — make or break his life.

"What's wrong Cal?" Evie asked, "Just spit it out."

Calum sighed, looking up at her.

"Evie, you're my absolute best friend in the whole world. The boys love you. The people on twitter that call themselves fans of the band love you. Everyone loves you. You're my girl! How could anyone not love my girl?" Calum coughed, trying to delay his question, "Uh, as you know, Louis from One Direction tweeted about the band and-"

"Oh my gosh, Calum, I swear that was the best day of my life! I was sitting behind the camera of a video that Louis Tomlinson tweeted about! You were in a video Louis Tomlinson tweeted about! Holy cra-"

Calum cut in, finally spitting out the first half of what he needed to say. "Evie what would you do if I told you that One Direction wants our band to tour with them?"

Evie's mouth went slack. After a moment of processing what Calum had just said, a wide smile grew on her face. "The One Direction asked you to tour with them!? Oh my gosh, Calum, that's amazing! I can't believe it I'm so proud of you!" She enveloped Calum in a giant hug, toppling then both over so he was on his back and she was on top of him in a bear hug. If he wasn't so preoccupied, Calum would have very much enjoyed the fact that Evie was on top of him.

Calum held Evie close as he whispered into her ear.

"That means I'm going to have to go away. And I want you to come with me."

Evie sat herself up, brow furrowed together as she, yet again, took in what Calum had just told her.

"Cal, I-"

"Before you say anything," Calum cut in desperately, "please keep in mind that if you come, you'll be able to meet and probably become friends with Harry Styles. Like, THE Harry Styles. The one you write all that dirty stuff about on tumblr," Calum smirked at Evie's blush before he continued, "AND, the boys are plenty happy with you coming too. So it wouldn't just be for me, but for all of us. Please? We need our camera girl." Calum looked at his best friend with hopeful eyes, bracing himself for the worst.

Evie sighed, her entire stance deflating.

"Calum you know I want to, but I'm not a musician. I can't tour and pretend like I can make a career out of it. I have to stay here and go to school."

Calum's shoulders slacked as he racked a hand through his hair. "But we really do need you there," he looked up at her to see that her eyes had glossed over with tears, "I need you there, Eves."

Evie held back a sob as the reality of not being able to be with her all of her best friends came down on top of her. The weight of the situation was bone crushing, and Evie did not like it at all. She didn't like the idea of going to school without her friends, but she had to be realistic. She couldn't go off in la la land and come back into the real world without as much as a high school degree.

"Calum you know I'll always be your number one fan. And hey!" Evie took Calum's face in her hands, lifting it so she could look him in the eyes, "I can FaceTime you every day, and you can tell me how it's going. You can introduce me to the One Direction boys over the phone, and I can brag to all the girls at school that if they would have come and swept you off of your feet, maybe they would be meeting One Direction, too! It'll all be great fun! As if I was there! Just... from a little bit farther away."

Calum nodded, understanding that Evie was making the best decision for herself. He had always loved that about Evie. That she knew what was good for her and wasn't afraid to say no. But that didn't mean he didn't wish she could go with him.

"Yea. Just farther away."

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Michael was absolutely glowing with excitement and anticipation of the new life that was waiting just beyond security at the airport. All of their families, a few of their closer guy friends, and Evie had all come with to wish them a safe trip and say their goodbyes.

Michael was only a teeny tiny bit scared of what was going to happen with their music careers, but he would never have even admitted the fear to himself.

"Bye Mum!" He said, giving his mother a giant hug before moving onto his father. "Bye Dad!" His father shook his hand and wished him good luck.

Michael then went and said goodbye to the few friends that had come to the airport, ending last with Evie.

"Bye Mikey," she said, enveloping him in a giant hug. Michael's composure broke for just a moment as his dear friend hugged him. "I'm going to miss my boys so much," she whispered, probably more to herself than to Michael. "And we're going to miss you so much more, Eves." He responded anyway.

"Quit hogging her, Mikey," Ashton joked lightheartedly as he genuinely pushed himself in to hug Evie.

"Don't forget about me when you're famous," she chuckled. Ashton giggled. "I pinky promise we won't forget about you, Evie. You're our number one fan, how could we ever forget you?"

Luke came in next to give Evie a hug. At this point, Michael has tuned out the conversation and was just looking around to try and find Cal. This was, by far, going to be harder on him than it was any of the others.

That morning, Michael and Calum had planned out what was going to happen. Calum was going to hug Evie last, and right before they went through security, he was going to plant a big fat one on her and tell her he loved her. But of course, Calum was no where to be found. Michael finally spotted him, his arms tightly wound around his sister, Mali, as she was saying something that Michael thought was probably important.

Calum finally let go of his sister and turned towards Evie, who had recently repositioned herself a few steps away from Mali and Calum.

They looked at each other for a solid five seconds before clinging together in a tight embrace. Calum had one hand on the back of her head, running his hand through her hair, and his other hand snugly around her lower back holding her as close to him as possible.

He made eye contact with Michael.

Michael nodded vigorously at him, giving him a big thumbs up.

Calum simply shook his head no, almost seemingly holding Evie more protectively to his chest.

Calum pulled away slightly so he could look into her beautiful eyes. He traced the dollop of freckles on her nose and cheeks, holding her face securely in his hands. Calum frantically took in every detail of Evie, just in case he'd never see her in person again.

"I'm going to miss you so much," he mumbled. Evie nodded, going in to hug him once more, feeling tears develop in her eyes. "Promise me that no matter how big and famous you get, we'll always be besties for the resties?"

Calum couldn't help but laugh at her lame attempt to lighten the mood a little.

"I pinky promise."

They pulled apart for the last time, interlocking their pinkies together.

She pulled away first, smiling sadly as he walked towards security.

Michael came up to Calum.

"What the heck was that, dumbass!? You were supposed to tell her!"

Calum shook his head, "I couldn't do it."

Michael groaned, "What happens when Mister Hot comes and asks her out and you're not there to give her a reason to say no!?"

"Then I guess she'll date Mister Hot, I'll be sad, and she'll be happy! I can't do it, Mikey!"

"Yes you can, Calum. You know she likes you back."

With that, Michael brushed past him, getting out his passport.

Calum summoned all of his courage.

"Evie! Wait!"

He swirled around to see that she hadn't moved from her spot.

"Yea?"

Calum froze. He hadn't really thought this far ahead.

"Um, uh, I'll call you when we get there, okay?"

Evie smiled sadly, nodding.

"Okay, Calum. Call me when you get there."

Calum nodded once more, coming to terms with the fact that he couldn't do it.

Losing her over something as dumb as his feelings right before he went away was stupid.

Calum wasn't about to lose his Evie.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Evie survived school. She was living phone call to phone call, eating up every spare minute she got to spend with her best friends, even if it was only through a screen.

Calum had not kept up his end of the deal, and refused to introduce her to Harry Styles. He told her that it was because he was always busy. When Michael stole the phone (he always does steal the phone from Calum because "Calum always gets to talk to you! I'm your best friend, too! Talk to me I miss you!"), he told her it was because Calum was afraid Evie wouldn't love him anymore. Evie knew Michael was only teasing, though, and that Harry was, in fact, a very busy man.

Evie's birthday was coming up very soon, and she was quite sad to have to spend it without her best friends by her side, but she would never tell them that.

Mrs. Carson hummed softly to a tune unrecognizable to Evie's ears. She had been giggly all morning.

"Who put such a smile on your face today, Mum?" Evie asked with a giggle. Mrs. Carson simply shrugged, smiling bigger as her daughter ate the pancakes she had prepared for her.

"Oh, I'm just excited to be able to see you happy again, soon."

Evie furrowed her brow. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Mrs. Carson giggled. "I dunno, sweetheart."

Evie's phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out to see a text from Calum.

Calum: i'm sure your mum is very smiley this morning, she seemed so excited when i talked to her earlier today. so anyways, i bought you a plane ticket to London, and you're going to be touring with us for one week as your birthday present. You're not allowed to say no! you leave tomorrow morning! i miss you lots :) xx

Evie's heart leapt in her chest as she read and reread the message.

"Well Mum," she began with a soft huff, unable to wipe the stupidly large grin off of her face, "I guess I better start packing!"

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

i honestly don’t know if anyone wants part 7 so reblog for part 7 ig :)

[popculturebuffet]

Scooby Doo (2002) Review: The Most Punchable Fred Jones of All Time

It’s one last hurrah for Halloween as I take a look at the often derided 2002 Scooby Doo Movie! See what happens when you combine future superstar director James Gunn with .. the guy who thought directing the Smurf’s movie and Big’s Mama’s House were good ideas. Oh and with a splash of the guy who wrote the loveable family film Cheaper by the Dozen and the utterly loathed Percy Jackson film. It’s as messy as you’d expect with that.. but is it BAD? good, so bad it’s good, just sorta okay? Come with me as I try to find out under the cut with a full review. 

I’ve always loved Scooby Doo. I grew up with the guy, watching reruns of the non-scrappy classic series from Where Are You to the Scooby Doo Movies, the three Superstar 10 movies (Boo Brothers, Ghoul School and Reluctant Werewolf), or the at the time brand new What’s New Scooby Doo. And later in life i’d absolutely adore Mystery Incorporated.. minus the whole Shaggy, Scooby Velma love triangle, but i’ll likely cover that at some point or sooner, you can comission reviews from me for 5 bucks each, 5 dollars off group orders if you really want to make me suffer through that that bad. But getting off self promotion point is I loved and still love the franchise. While I”ve yet to see “Scooby Doo and Guess Who”, though given there’s Weird Al, Kristan Schaal and Urkel episodes you can be sure i’m going to eventually, and Scoob was VERY ehhh even if Dick Dastardly was awesome. But despite my history with the great dane much like with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, despite my rich history with the franchise I haven’t dove in yet and with a friend who could use a nice halloween suprise and loves scooby doo, I figured now was the time to take a look at it.  And since i’d been wanting to take a look at it again anyway, and decided going big wasn’t a bad way to start, i’m taking a look at the 2002 Scooby Doo movie. I saw this flim first run in a drive in, and saw the sequel the same way and loved it as a kid, and fondly remember checking out the Sountrack Preview page back before youtube existed to make checking out soundtracks easier. It was a simplier time. And even rewatching it later with my nieces, I found myself liking it.  And the thing was almost every time this film comes up it’s with a turned up nose. The CGI, the confused audience, the deciding to cast Freddy Prinze Junior.. all terrible decisions that overshadow the film, when it’s not that bad. It’s not GREAT, but it’s not TERRIBLE either. So what is it then? Well i’ll tells ya. Let’s start with

PRODUCTION: Wait James Gunn Wrote This?

At the turn of the millneium Scooby Doo was back on top. After waning popularity during the Scrappy era, the advent of the warner affilated Cartoon Network meant a whole new generation of kids (raises hand) got to experince Scooby Doo for the first time. This new audeince lead to Scooby Doo on Zombie Island, the first of the franchises 80 or so DTV movies that will continue on long after the earth dies, and brought back the franchise after it’s long slumber. Scooby Doo went from dead to as popular as he was in his hey day again. Naturally Warner wanted to cash in and thus this movie was born.  Originally the film was supposed to be a more adult project, a send up of the franchise with more sex jokes and what not than made the final cut according to writer James Gunn. Yes, the same James Gunn who wrote and directed the Guardians of the Galaxy movie and whose currently saving the suicide squad. It was one of Gunn’s earlier films but just from when he’s talked about it, you can tell he genuinely cared about the project.  Along for the ride with our future Guardian was his co-writer, Craig Titely,  who i’m convinced only came in to do punch ups as the guy has only written three other movies. One of them was being one of MANY writers on Cheaper by the Dozen and thus likely not doing much of note with that, and the other.. is being the only writer on Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief’s movie adaptation.. aka the movie the fanbase and general audiences rejected in droves yet SOMEHOW got a sequel. Which is somehow still worse than his other film, one that asks “was the moon landing a hoax?” Spoilers, it wasn’t. Point is this isn’t a resume that screams co creator and more screams “Guy brought in to kid freindly this up”. More on that in a minute.  The director is another less than reassuring face: Raja Gosnell, whose credits BEFORE this film were Home Alone 3, Never Been Kissed and Big Momma’s house.. so already he dosen’t have the best track record but somehow got worse because AFTER this film and it’s sequel he directed both live action Smurfs Movies and the universally hated Show Dogs, aka the film  that thought dog rape was funny. The fact this film isn’t out and out terrible is a miracle. 

Even more so because naturally, as Studios tend to do they interfered: The film was supposed to be more adult, cracking jokes about common things fans of the series growing up thought like Velma is Gay or Shaggy’s a stoner, and having both be fully true. But wanting to appeal to kids, Warner gradually lightned it, hence Craig, and Raja clearly having no shame gladly took it instead of you know.. standing his ground.  So Velma has a love intrest thrown in and her kiss with Daphne is gone, while Shaggy’s toke smoking was lowered to subtext.. because either of those things is bad apparently? I dunno the 2000′s were fucked. 

Point is THAT’S why these films are so tonally confused and why I don’t hold it agains the film now I know: It wasn’t James Gunn or even, as dumb as he is, Raja Gosnell’s fault that the film had some tones clashing when the studio was demanding it, instead of you know, thinking this through at all and realizing more kids cared about Scooby Doo than they would’ve josie and the pussy cats instead of bringing it up DURING production, when most of the adult stuff was in there. It’s also why the sequel has no real adult stuff, though it’s STILL damn good, but i’ll get to that some other day. 

The film was also shot at an actual theme park in australia. Neat. 

So yeah the film’s humor kind of ping pongs between knowing adult winks and kids stuff. We get Scooby dressing like a grandma in the same film shaggy enhales his demon possed love intrests breath like weed. The jokes themselves on average are pretty good: Some of my faviorites include the grandma scene, everything rowan atkinson does, Velma getting drunk off her ass, and the instructional video bit which is easily my favorite bit of the episode and one of my faviorite scooby doo jokes period:

This is even FUNNIER to me on rewatch, as we now know this is an instructional video for demons.. and that Scrappy clearly had enough problems with his demon horde to have to pay for this thing. It tis glorious.  However there also are also a few that HAVE NOT aged well, are very creepy at best and disgusting sexual assault at worst with Daphne getting her ass grabbed by the Luna Ghost at the start being treated as a joke and Fred oggling Daphne’s body when he’s in it being treated as a ha ha and not...

So yeah the humor’s USUALLY good, but the slipups are noticable and do bring things down a bit when they come by. So the humor is decent if mixed and the production’s a nightmare, how’s the plot? The Plot: Scoob, We’re Getting the Band Back Together!

I won’t be as through as usual because this is a 90 minute movie, I’m running behind as is and it’s 20 years old, 

We start with your standard mystery inc case with the Luna Goose, aka Old Man Incel who resented Pamela Anderson for not boning him. But Fred hogging the glory during the resulting News Cast leads the gang to start fighting over lingering tensions: Velma is tired of Fred hogging all the credit when she does most of the legwork solving things, Daphne is tired of being kidnapped and being mistreated by Velma and Freddy who laugh at the idea of her doing more, and Fred..

We’ll get to him later. Shaggy is the only one wanting to stick together, but no one’s having it and the group breaks apart and Matthew LIllard REALLY sells Shaggy’s heartbreak over his friends all abandoning him well. 

Two years later though, with Shaggy and Scooby naturally getting stoned and eating large quantities of food on the beach, have made peace with retirement, and have apparently had to duck tons of people coming to them to solve mysteries since they aren’t about that. The latest in that line is a man representing Emile Mondovarius, the owner of Spooky Island, a vast island resort and theme park. Naturally since it has spooky in the name the boys want nothing but Mondovarius does what honestly every previous guy coming to them should’ve done: offers them an all you can eat buffet.  Since they’ve done more traumatizing for Dog Treats, they agree and it soon turns out the entire gang was invited, though none of them but Shaggy and Scooby are happy to see each other. I will say one of my complaints about the film is it never tackles the emotions behind the breakup: while the teams slowly repairs there are never any outright apologizes or scenes of them recociling or scenes of Shaggy chewing them out for abandoning him due to their spat. It just skips over the emotional bits to either wave a joke for the kiddies around or scream 

Really the jokes aren’t bad, the film just has trouble with actual emotion or depth that could’ve been there and tries for it once in a while, but dosen’t really do anything with it. The gang splitting up’s a good concept, and at this point on Scooby Doo on Zombie Island had really used it, and that was one where they were clearly still close friends and were still in touch they just quit mystery solving for a while till Zombie Island happened. Mystery Incorpreated would finally give this story justice later: Instead of over a petty ego squabble, the gang broke up over underlying tensions: The revelations about Fred’s dad caused him to go try and find himself, Velma alienated herself by hiding things from them, and Shaggy was shipped off to Military School and Scooby doggy prison camp... thankfully the last two didn’t last and Scooby rescued Shaggy with a tank but the tension DIDN’T go away: While the gang mostly reunited, Velma took time to forgive them and also tried bringing in the friend/girlfriend she’d made in the meantime only for her friends to isolate her and throw her out while Daphne took her time to return due to being hurt by fred. It’s complex and good stuff versus here where it’s just “WE’RE APART BECAUSE WE HATES EACH OTHER. And now we’re NOT”. It’s just a waste of a good concept and i’ m glad the franchise got around to doing it right. 

But my gripes aside our heroes head to the resort and meet Mondevarious, who admits outright to having tricked then and with confronted with the gang being broken up, makes it clear he knews.  “That’s the thing about broken things.. you can put them back together.”

And so he did. He needs the Gang’s help as he’s worried about the island and something going wrong there: The teens are leaving polite, well behaved. and clearly not themselves as one reacts to an old friend by neck lifting him and tossing him aside. Something’s deeply wrong here and the gang’s intrest is piqued enough to stay though everyone but Shaggy is determined to solve it themselves out of ego. Mondvarius is played by Rowan Atkinson and while I watched the bean movie as a kid this is where I fell in love with the guy, with later watches of Blackadder confirming that in my college years. Rowan just brings a fun dorky energy to the character and a nice earnestness too but when he later takes a turn for the bad, he does that well too. Atkinson is HIGHLY underated in my opinon and easily the MVP of this film’s supporting cast.   So the investigation begins, and we get our supsects: The first we met on the plane, Mary Jane, a kind blonde played by Isla Fisher who got the job becasue Gosnel, in a rare good decision, saw how talented she was and while still picking Sara Michele Gellar for Daphne, made sure she had  a part. She’s a nice sweet girl who Shaggy falls for and Scooby’s annoyed by it.. though unlike earlier the film beats mystery inc easily here as it’s a more understandable conflict and dosen’t act like Dog Issues is a thing people says. Again i’ll get to that clusterfuck of an arc some day. The other two are N’Goo Tuna, a shady worker at the park who spouts off the legends of the island. In a nice twist, he’s NOT the vilian, as is obvious but is his right hand man. He also has his own right hand and muscle in Zarkos a cool looking Luchador and N’Goo’s muscle. Also N’Goo may be one of the worst names in Scooby Doo History, and that includes Dabba Doo. But the legend claims the island was once owned by demons who want revenge since the resort took the island from him. 

The other is probably my faviorite non Rowan Atkinson character, Voodoo Maestro, played by Miguel Nunez. He’s basically just a guy who lives on the fringes of the island and also hates the resort and tries using voodoo curses. He’s honestly a delight from his attempt to sacrifice a chicken (An already dead one at that), to his general hammy and annoyed at dealing with these teenagers demeanor. NAturally he has nothing to do with this but he’s still a fun addition and I wish he was in more scnenes than the two he gets.  But with what they’ve gathered the gang all end up at a spooky castle attraction, with Scooby and Shaggy of course being bribed by daphne while Velma and Fred show up indpeendntly and end  up finding the weird training video from earlier but all get caught when the traps are activiated> There’s also a farting contest which.. eh not funny to me but i’ve seen so much worse i’m not even remotely upset. But then the traps trigger though during the chaos Fred and Velma are forced to work together and finally start doing so, and Daphne finds a clue: A mysterious pyramid known as the damon righus and finally gets some, if not nearly enough, credit.  So the gang is back together.. even if it’s a tenative peace, the high from solving this and relay to their boss the suspects, including him, though Fred assures Mondovarius it’s just because he’s spooky and rowan’s character’s delight over that is fucking glorious.  So the gang enjoys some down time at the local bar, with Fred and Daphne doing their own look ins, Scooby and Shaggy eating and encountring mary again and Velma getting hit on by a dude while looking over the ritus, revealing it’s some sort of soul sucking aparatus, and going into their history... which is really just an excuse to bring Scrappy in who in this universe, is a horny egotistical little shit whose abandoned as a result. ANd before anyone boos he’s not a puppy here, he’s got.. dog dwarfisim.. which while .. how does that even work... means he’s a grown ass man and deserved this. We also get drunk velma and Linda Caredenlli is a delight

The night gets interupted by terrible cgi monsters, the aformentioned emon who soul suck most of the college kids present and also get fred and velma who both find out these are very much real. We also get the best song on the soundtrack, man with a hex. It slaps. But it makes good chase music as with Mondvarious, Fred and Velma captured, the rest of the gang and mary escape.  The next morning we get a surreal as hell scene as everyone’s partying, Fred’s talking in slang and Velma with clevage, thank you, is chatting up.. Sugar Ray? For those younger of you they were a band at the time. They were a big thing. Not half bad but faded away. They looked as 2000′s as hell though. WHy Smash Mouth gets all the memes and not them is beyond me. Look at lead singer Mark McGrath!It’s like the early 2000′s gained sentience and took a human form. But the gang is quickly forced to run from sugar ray, though they get Daphne in a deleted scene. Why it was deleted I dunno. Point is Shaggy, Scooby and Mary are all alone.. oh and Mary’s possessed. Shaggy and Scooby argue over it because Shaggy just thinks Scooby is jealous and while he is .. why would he lie about this? He’s as cowardly as you are. But Scooby falls through the floor, and Shaggy is now going solo but luckily finds his friends souls, and eveyrone elses in a massive cool looking vat and frees them all.  Velma, when the demon leaves her and confronts her, finds out sunlight kills the demons and saves Daphne from hers... only to find Fred in her body. Daphne is naturally horrified and we do get a great bodyswapping scene.

Our heroes reconvince on the beach where htey find the Maestro who explains what’s going on to a point, with the gang’s clues filling in the blanks: The ritus, which they stole back earlier, is used for a ritual that will allow the Demons to rule over the earth for “a thousand years of darkness” but it requires a pure soul to work. Cue our big bad talking Scooby into being their willing sacrifice since Scooby dooes not understand what a sacrifice is.  Shaggy naturally rallies the group to go save him after their understandably worried since they usually dealt with weirdos in costumes and not the apocalypse.. well okay Velma and Fred aren’t, Daphne dealt with this kind of thing once a week back in Sunnydale. So they set up a plan to destroy all the demons at once by unleashing the soul bath, setting them all loose and then using a spooky disco ball from one of the attractions rigged up over the ritual area to shine the light in. It’s classic scooby doo. 

Things naturally go wrong as while Shaggy goes to rescue scooby and makes up with him, he’s caught, so are fred and velma and they have to scramble, while Daphne looses a fight with the luchador up top while trying to let the light in to finish the trap. Meanwhile Shaggy saves Scooby’s soul just as Mondovarious sucks it out by shoving the guy.. revealing him to be a robot! DUN DUN DUN. And inside is Scrappy.. which you all probably knew already but try to act suprise who wanted to conquer the world as revenge for the gang abandoning him and because again, in this universe he’s kind of an asshole. He absorbs the souls gathered so far and merges with the damon ritus, because we’re operating on video game rules now apparently, so final boss time.  But we get a great climax as Scrappy chases scooby, Daphne goes buffy on Zarkos ass , and as a result he shatters the glass and lets the light in releasing the disco ball the kill the demons.. man I love that I get to type things like that. Scooby removes the ritus and defeats his nephew and the day is saved. Velma hooks up with random guy, Daphne and Fred get together, I die inside a little and Shaggy and Mary Jane bond. At the press Fred does his good deed for the movie by letting Velma explain things and get the spotlight and the group have firmly reunited. THE END. Overall it’s a solid plot, that works well, comes together in the end and was well put together, it’s more the filling that causes it to tilt back and forth a bit, but overlal outside of the issue I mentioned it’s a good scooby doo plot. While some have pointed out it is similar to zombie island, a case reuniting the gang, the person who brought them there wanting to sacrifice them, or just scooby here, monsters being real, it works because everything else is so different. But since there’s more to break down and it’s easier to give it it’s own section let’s look at...

THE CHARACTERS: NOT HALF BAD, FRED CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF. 

So we’re down to character.. and since there’s a blonde, preeening, selfish, arrogant, sleazy, sexist, obnoxious, loud mouthed, useless elephant in the room, let’s start with Fred. And to quote it’s always sunny....

Yeah so that fury of a thousand crashing waves (Cracks Knuckles): Fred is the worst part of this movie, the worst version of the character across the entire franchise that i’ve seen with the sincre doubt that there is ANY version worse than this. Everything I said above is true and THEN some. He is one of the most unlikable characters i’ve seen in a film that wasn’t INTENDED to be. There’s just NOTHING to like about him. Nothing. He treats his “Friends” like garbage, all four of them: He basically ignores shaggy and scooby at best and treats them as if they were nothing. For Velma he’s your classic power abusing douche who pushes her to the side and often steals the credit for things she did. He’s still a good mystery solver, but he acts like he does all the work to the press and takes all the credit when Velma works as hard as he does if not harder. And worst of all is Daphne, who he basically either treats like some moron who gets kidnapped due to incompetence and not because creepy old dudes want to feel her up, which given the intro is VERY likely the reason she’s the resident victim of the group, and not like a person, or like a pair of boobs and legs he wants to bang or feel up creepily while he’s in her body. For fuck’s sake his reaction to finding out he’s in her body is a creepy and smug “I can see myself naaaakeddd” If that dosen’t make you want to smack him get off my blog. And they get together in the end! 

Who who wanted that. I genuinely want the presumibly original ending where Daphne and Velma hook up and Fred falls off a pier and is never seen again. The acting does not help. While the other four gang members are expertly cast Fred was given to Freddy Prinze Junior, who made a career out of playing arrogant dicks who are somehow the main character so I can’t fault the casting but I can fault that he can’t delver any line without that smug air of trying to be cool douche and it’s at it’s worst with Fred since Fred’s already written as the biggest creepiest douche in the world and Freddy somehow makes it WORSE. He also has zero chemstiry with Daphne, which would be weird given he and Sarah Michelle Gellar had dated for 2 years at this point and as of this writing have been together for 20 overall and have two wonderful kids together... but given how badly written Fred is here, I can’t blame either of them. And i’m sure FPJ is a swell guy, loves his kids loves his wife seems like a really plesant guy, nothing against him as a person, but at least at this point in his career he wasn’t very good. And I am actually planning on trying to seek out one of his later works in his career to see if he’s gotten better in recent years, and willing to give him the benifit of a doubt that he probably has. I just don’t like him here, and while the script does most of the work he only makes it worse.And works before this (Pup Named Scooby Doo) and after this (Mystery Incorperated) would prove you can give fred a personality that’s not dick tip, so fuck this character, fuck the writing.. and I hope Freddy is having a happy halloween with his loving wife and children, seriously I meant it I have nothing against him as a person. A terrible actor can still be a WONDERFUL guy. 

Now that’s thankfully put to bed, let’s pivot over to Shaggy, whose easily the best of the cast. Matthew Lillard looks the part pefectly, has the right combination of heart and goofus and has some great comedic timing. Granted Scream had already proven the guy’s got genuine talent, but still he’s great here and is currently playing Shaggy in most films and productions, except Scoob which.. was far from it’s only mistake but easily the biggest. There’s not much else to say: the guy IS Shaggy and is the only person whose taken up the roll to equal Kasey Casem in it. As for how he’s written.. he’s basically the same and apart from one line of him wanting to leave everyone to their deaths, which feels like it was added later, he’s written really well and is easily the most likeable of the group. 

Scooby is alright. Not the best version but funny and charming enough when he needs to be and while I hated the CGI at one point.. it’s honestly not that bad. It’s not GREAT, but time has actually been very good to it both in how it’s held up and in the fact we’ve gotten SO MUCH WORSE with so much better techlogies. I mean.. Cats exists.. Marmaduke Exists.. the Bill Murray Garfield exists. This was offputting at the time but now it’s just okay. But character wise he’s good and again not much diffrent. 

Velma is the second best casting of the movie. Played by Linda Cardenelli, who i’ve harbored a crush on for a good few decades now and admire mostly for her talent and charm, Linda kills the roll and easily slips into it as easily as Matt did, and while not picking it up full time like he did, still did it a few times afterword and played hot dog water in mystery incorperated, so she did finally get to play a Lesbian Velma it just took a while. And while Velma being gay is kind of sterotyping, it would’ve been nice to have been kept in instead of edited out for bullshit reasons. But overal her character is decent: While she ALSO bullies and belittles daphne like fred, unlike fred it comes less from just being a douche and more from insecurity. As her scene at the bar makes clear she feels undervalued like the other, like the nerd who the cool kids LET hang out with them instead of part of the team. While it dosen’t make her treatment of Daphne OKAY, it makes Velma understandable. We also get Velma Clevage which.. okay not sure if the world needed that but whatever. Point is it’s throughly likeable portryal that I wish got some character growth.  Finally out of the main 5 there’s Daphne, whose alright. Not as good as the other two, as it feels they lean a bit too heavily on her having taken self defense and wanting ot be tougher, but Sarah Michelle Gellar gives her a ton of charm and likeablity that her husband’s character sadly lacks. There’s just a fun, adorable energy to daph that ends up coupling with her buffy style badassery at the end and Sarah plays both beautifully. The script didn’t give her a ton to work with, though that’s the same for all four of htem, but Sarah really made the character work and made her somewhat memorable despite not being as good as Linda or Matthew. Basically not the best, but still a comfortable third ahead of scooby doo and jackass jones. 

As for the rest of the cast, Rowan Attkinson i’ve covered and is utterly fantastic as is the Voodoo Maestro, and both should get hteir own hbo max spinoff together. The minons.. stupid name and luchadoor are decent enough, nothign special but they have presence and do the job of goon well. And Mary Jane is alright.. the joke is WAY too on the nose to be funny and she’s mostly just there to be sweet, but she’s harmless. Not good but not bad.  So finally we have our big bad, Scrappy. And i’m.. mixed about this. On one hand, Scott Innes, who it turns out is also from Missouri good on you dude!, does a terrific job and I couldn’t tell it wasn’t don messick as Scrappy and he plays him as evil great. On the other.. it’s just kinda goofy. Out of all the tips of hte hat to scooby stuff this feels the most over the top. Scrappy was hated, including by james gunn.. so he’s the bad guy. It’s just a bit on the nose, and the twist is pretty easily teligraphed since Scrappy suspciously is mentioned in one scene so him showing up at all is pretty easy to see coming. It’s not terible but it’s not great. His demon minons also just suck.. the designs are wonky and their cgi, unlike scooby and scrappy’s, is just REALLY bad and dated, and even as a kid I never liked them. 

FINAL THOUGHTS:  Scooby Doo is a decent but messy movie. The clashing tones, dated humor and godawful version of fred drag it down at times, and it’s very clear this had a lot of hands in the pot. But.. I still enjoy it. It’s not the best scooby ever, tha’ts mystery incorpeated, but it has great atmosphere, some good ideas, an utterly spectacular with one exception cast, and some really funny jokes. I genuinely feel the film is overhated when it’s a unique, weird and wonderful slice of Scooby. For better or worse there’s no other Scooby doo property quite like it, and that’s what makes it so fun. And it has enough good performances and jokes to smooth out the edges. It’s not the best, it’s a mess.. but sometimes a mess is fun and I like this flim for being a fun mess I can enjoy with my nieces and talk about to all of you. And sometimes that’s all you need.  Thank you for reading this. If you like this you can comission your own review: 5 bucks for a tv episode, 15 for a movie, 10 for an hour long special, and 5 dollars off when you order more than one episode of a show at a time. Just send me a direct message or ask on here and we’ll get started. Until then you can check out my backlog of reviews, check this space every monday for ducktales reviews, and VOTE DAMMIT VOTE. Until we meet again it’s been a pleasure. Play us out Atomic Fireballs, it’s been a wonderful halloween.