#oh fuck garlic bread sounds so good right now

[ghostboy-art]

I really want to sit down with someone and tell them the entire wiki article for sliced bread rn

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Danny Is A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

(not in a necessarily bad way and it's by Clockwork's design)

Bats, or Constantine, or the JL, or whoever you want to be close to Danny in this prompt, don't notice it right away. It takes them a while to figure out its not purely coincidence. And even after they do figure it out, they still have their doubts.

The thing is, it doesn't work all the time. It also doesn't seem to have a system or a schedule to it, nor is it any kind of a superpower, as far as they can understand. By God, does Danny have way too many superpowers, but most of them are consistent, and yet this one... is weird. Weirder than anything they've seen before, and they've seen a lot, okay.

It also only works if Danny does it without thinking.

"You know what'd be perfect right now? A cheese sandwich," Danny says over the comms, in the middle of the fight with Dr. Freeze, "A warm, grilled cheese sandwich just out of the toas- Owch, what?" There's a pause. And then, "Guys, you're not gonna believe it, a cheese sandwich just smacked me in the face! I think someone threw it out of the window or something!" Danny sounds bewildered, but excited, and there's a sound of chewing from his comm now. At least he is eating, so that's good.

"I fucking hate robots," he grumbles the other day, punching his way through the Brainiac invasion in Metropolis, with no comm and only for the Supes to overhear, "No, correction, I hate only evil robots. The ones that interrupt my astronomy class. The ones that shoot motherfucking lasers and walk like crabs, and ruin a perfect day, and- I wish- aw, fuck, no, that's bad wording. Don't wish for shit. But if all these robots would just suddenly, miraculously malfunction and stop attacking me and the whole city, that would be, like, real nice of them."

A few minutes later, something goes wrong with the Brainiac's control over the army of robots, and all of them just stop moving and fall down at once. It is deemed as a chance, a lucky shot, a coincidence. Supes keeps quiet over what he heard Danny say.

"Oh, you bitch-ass fruitloop, you know what I want?" Danny yells at Plasmius, as the ghost is laughing like a madman, "I want a fucking brick to fall down right on your head, like, right now! Maybe that can set your brains straight for at least five minutes!" And even before he is finished talking, there's something falling down from the sky and hitting Plasmius's head. It's not a brick, to be exact, it's Miss Martian's shoe, though. She has no idea how it even came undone and fell from her foot. But it did somehow knock Plasmius out cold, so there's that.

It doesn't happen all the time. Red Robin does the math - the improbable accidents only happen in about 26% of the situations, given that Danny says something. It's by no means a reliable power. It also doesn't happen only during the fights: there were numerous times when Danny just said something like 'I wonder if the cafeteria serves garlic bread today' and sure enough, there's garlic bread there. Even if it was not on the menu. Ever.

They try to question Danny himself, but he has no idea. He doesn't even notice the coincidences most of the times - which is not surprising, knowing that they only happen in one out of four situations and Danny is known to have a short attention span. So, after a few unsuccessful investigations and failed attempts at calculating how this even works, they all give up. It has never jinxed anything, as far as they know, so everyone just leaves it be.

Danny is just magically lucky like that.

Meanwhile, Clockwork is having a good laugh about it. Danny's suggestions amuse him, and it's funny to watch the other superheroes having a mental breakdown over it, so he rigs the timeline from time to time. Just a little.

[emilybahu]

WIP Wednesday

Hey peoples, so, I’ve got a little something for y’all! I made this post months ago about Tommy’s brain just short circuiting when he sees Buck in an apron for the first time. I’ve been slowly but surely adding to it, so I’ll share a nice little piece of it with everyone!

This part is rated Mature,

Without further ado:

Evan seemed excited when he opened the door. ���Hey, Tommy,” he said, smiling as he pulled Tommy into the apartment and gave him a peck on the cheek. “I would hug you, but I’m a bit of a mess right now,” Buck said, gesturing to his messy apron.

Tommy’s brain needed a second to reboot because ‘damn, Evan looked fucking hot in an apron’ It wasn’t quite something he thought would get him going, yet here he was. No thoughts, just his gorgeous boyfriend with an apron on, hugging his waist perfectly… maybe this was something they could explore later, maybe with a little less clothes underneath the apron…

Tommy willed himself to get it together and get his mind out of the gutter before giving his boyfriend a peck on the cheek. Then, with a wink, he said, “It’s okay, Evan. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time for that later.” Well, maybe not entirely out of the gutter…

With that, Evan blushed and smirked, lightly slapping Tommy’s chest, and said, “Cool it there, babe, we haven’t even eaten dinner yet...” Then he winked and turned away, walking back towards the kitchen. Evan gestured for Tommy to follow him, adding, “Speaking of which, dinner is almost ready!”

Tommy followed Evan into the kitchen, leaning against the island and watching him sway slightly to the music that was playing. If this were to come up later for any reason, he’d say that he tried his hardest to keep his hands off Evan until after dinner, but he couldn’t help himself. So, Tommy pushed himself from the counter and sauntered up behind his boyfriend, slowly sliding his arms around his waist and placing his chin on Evan’s shoulder. “What’s for dinner, baby?” Tommy asked before lightly kissing Evan’s jaw, nuzzling into his neck, and beginning to sway with him.

Tommy heard Evan sigh and felt as he leaned into him and said, “Mmmm… Just some lasagna and cheesy garlic bread.” Evan turned the extra sauce on the stove to a simmer and put down the wooden spoon he’d been using. Tommy watched as he lifted his now free hand to lightly caress his face and scratch the back of his head. Tommy smiled into the side of his neck, then lightly kissed it.

“That sounds delicious, Evan,” Tommy said, squeezing his hips gently.

“It’s Bobby’s recipe, and it’s always delicious when he makes it.” Evan smiled fondly and giggled under his breath at Tommy’s fond expression. “I made one last week as practice for Eddie and Chris…” he trailed off.

“Oh, and how did they say it was?” Tommy questioned.

“Well,” Evan turned in Tommy’s arms to face him, “They both said it was delicious and that I did a great job.”

Tommy smiled, “Well, that’s great, Evan; I can’t wait to try it!”

When Eavn spoke again, it was in a playful, almost flirty tone, “And they said that if I, per se, were trying to woo a certain someone, this would be a good choice.”

Tommy hummed, closing his eyes as Evan rubbed his palms up his chest slowly until Tommy felt his arms slide over his shoulders, lightly wrapping around his neck. “Evan Buckley, are you trying to woo me?” he said with a wide smile as he pulled Buck closer.

“What if I am?” Evan answered with another question.

“Then I’d say that you’re doing a pretty good job, baby,” Tommy crooned, sliding a hand up Evan’s back.

“And If I said that I want to kiss you right now…” Evan breathed as Tommy’s hand reached the nape of his neck.

“Mmmm… I wouldn’t be opposed,” Tommy said, leaning in.

Tommy felt Evan as he leaned in, lightly brushing their lips together before sighing when their lips caught in a soft kiss. Tommy melted into the kiss, pulling his boyfriend with him and stepping backwards until his back hit the counter where he’d been leaning earlier.

Tommy couldn’t care less about the countertop digging into his lower back or the sauce from Buck’s apron possibly getting on his shirt. He wanted as little space between him and his boyfriend as possible, so Tommy pulled him closer again, beginning to deepen the kiss as he felt one of Evan’s hands glide into his short hair… Then, the shrill sound of the oven timer went off, which caused Evan to pull away and rush toward the oven.

And If Tommy basically whined at the loss of his boyfriend’s touch, that was only for him and Evan to know… Evan chuckled a little as he turned away from the oven, holding a delicious-looking lasagna, and set it on a potholder on the counter and put the garlic bread in the oven. Then he closed the oven door and stepped back over to Tommy, who had a slight pout on his face.

“There's another 10 minutes until the bread is ready, and the lasagna needs to rest,” Evan said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows with a slight smirk as he trailed a hand from Tommy’s chest to his face while wrapping the other arm around his shoulder again.

“And what do you propose we do for those 10 minutes, Evan?” Tommy asked, hands creeping back to Evan’s waist and pulling him close again.

“Less talking and more kissing, babe. Time is ticking. We’re nearly down to 8 minutes.” Buck said softly as he leaned in.

“Mmmm… Bossy,” Tommy joked into the kiss, groaning quietly as they picked up where they’d left off a few minutes ago.

Tommy pulled Evan almost flush to his chest, deepening the kiss as one of his hands slipped into Buck’s back pocket. They pulled away for a breath, and Tommy flipped their positions, causing Evan to make a sound somewhere between a groan and a moan that drove Tommy a little bit mad. He knew Evan was incredibly turned on by the manhandling, even if it wasn’t a lot; Tommy also knew that Evan found the firm grip on his hips at the moment very hot, and he voiced as much.

Tommy heard his boyfriend breathe, “Fuck, Tommy, yes,” long and drawn out, and watched hotly as Evan threw his head back.

Between kisses to Evan’s neck, Tommy hummed, “Yeah, you like it when I push you around a little bit, baby?” as he pushed him into the counter more.

“Hmmm… Y-yeah huh, Tommy,” he heard Evan hum. Tommy looked up to see his eyes fluttering as he mouthed over the juncture of Evan’s neck and jaw. Tommy began sucking a mark to that spot, and Evan moaned, “Mmmm ah! You’re so hot, babe, fuck…” a hand finding Tommy’s hair as his sentence trailed off.

Tommy pulled away, pressing a light kiss to the mark he’d left before whispering into Evan’s ear. “You don’t even know what you do to me, baby. God, I just want to devour you,” he said gruffly, pupils blown and hungry as he hauled Evan into another searing kiss.

Tommy was about ready to pick up his boyfriend, put him on the counter, and ravish him when the oven timer sounded again, slightly bringing Evan out of the moment. He tried to chase Evan’s lips as he hummed against Tommy’s while pulling away and walking toward the oven. Tommy was upset because he had gotten carried away in this moment, and now he’s keyed up. The last thing he wants to do is sit down and eat dinner, even if it looks and smells delicious.

He scowled, “Goddamn garlic bread,” he grumbled out, just barely loud enough for Evan to hear.

To be continued…

Thank you for reading, I actually have a few WIPs at the moment, so definitely let me know if you’d like to see more! Let me know what you think!

[scribble-brain-aced]

for pride month, i have:

a list of how the hazbin hotel had their gay awakening. (or lesbian, or bi, or trans, or aroace, pan, etc)

Charlie: she watched Sleeping Beauty, the year after it came out. she looked at Snow White and thought “wow, she’s so pretty.. but also Price Florian.. wait.” because this was in 1938, she didn’t know what bisexuality was, but she knew and accepted her feelings, because it wasn’t a big deal to her. in the 1970s, she found the label for it— bisexuality— and thought “OH THERE’S A NAME FOR THIS, YAY!” and that was that.

Vaggie: when she was still alive, in 2010, a friend sent her a photo of a genderbent character from some TV show, and her first thought was “oh, okay, i see why everyone’s in love with them now. …wait.” she spent the next 20 minutes looking up female versions of characters and realizing “oh. OH THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH” (based on my own story)

Angel: honestly, he can’t really say. he just kinda knew from the beginning that men were just hot, and he’d marry a guy if he could. molly just assumed he meant “yeah, men are just better than women” and went along with it, even though she personally thought both were radiantly beautiful. (she found out what pansexual meant in 1972.)

Husk: he has no idea. if asked, he just shrugs and goes “any hole is a goal, i couldn’t care less.” at one point, Angel just shoved a poster at him, Husk read it and was like “oh. i guess that’s me.” pretty chill reaction, just continued his normal day, but kept thinking “okay, wow, that’s ME.”

Sir Pentious: he just thought all people liked both men and women, but because of societal rules and whatever, they had to wait until they had a crush on the opposite gender. ..what do you mean thats not what being straight is. (he only found out what bisexuality was after he came to the Hotel and Charlie had a bi flag pin. he asked her what country that was, and she had to sit him down to explain the concept of LGBTQ+, and no, it is ABSOLUTELY NOT a mental illness, wtf, you’re fine, buddy, go be happy.)

Alastor: post-season 1, like three people separately wished him a happy asexual awareness week and he was so confused, he asked Angel to look up ‘a sexual’ on his phone because he couldn’t find anything at the library. (he was looking at the outdated library in cannibal town.) he read the definition, and locked himself in his room for the rest of the day. if anybody heard muffled screaming and somehow-happy-sounding swearing, nobody mentioned it.

Vox: pfft, what? no, he’s not gay! he’s perfectly straight! is it gay to say that men are just as good at women? …Val, what do you MEAN ‘no but yes’? (Valentino explained the entire history of LGBTQ+, stressing bisexuality. Vox just said “okay, okay, hear me out.. there’s a whole month for them, right? their whole thing is rainbows? what if we paint all of our logos rainbow-colored? they’d buy it!” Valentino gave up, because Vox just COULD NOT comprehend what he was trying to say. but he keeps sending bisexual memes to Vox.)

Valentino: he just always knew. come on, everyone’s hot, unless they aren’t. even better if they can be exploited. that’s all there is to it.

Velvette: pfft, she grew up with social media, she’s known about this shit since she was a kid. fuck love, fuck fucking, she’d rather pester Vox into making cheesy garlic bread. the guy’s a bitch, but he makes good cheesy garlic bread.

Baxter: back before he and sir pentious became bitter enemies, they were both talking about.. whatever. at one point, they got on the topic of clothing, and Baxter— then Bella— griped that he hated how dresses felt. too heavy, too annoying, and it made him feel sick, anyway. suits were just better, not just because they’re lighter. man, he wished he were a boy. pentious asked if he wanted to be a boy in general, not just for the suits, and after a moment, Baxter excused himself quickly to go find something in his library, shooing Pentious out of the house. a couple days later, he came out, transitioned, all that. the only reason he doesn’t cut off his light-lure thingy is because it’s useful. other than that, he avoids looking at it as much as possible.

[kindnessisweakness2]

2

The next morning Emily woke up at 7am, anything but well rested. She didnt get into bed until 3am and despite being exhausted sleep would not overcome her. She tossed and turned for hours, her mind going round and round yesterdays events. Coming home to find that girls underwear and dirty sheets. Her explosive episode at Teller Morrow that left her extremely embarrassed. She spent all last night crying and packing away Noah’s things. 6 years. Gone in the blink of an eye. Tears welled in her eyes at the painful thoughts, the ache in her chest something she was already becoming familiar with. NO. She’d done enough crying, especially over that asshole. Pulling herself up from the warmth of her bed, she forced herself into the bathroom to get ready for what she already knew was going to be a long day. 

Jax watched from the office as Noah leaned against the boxing ring chatting to one of the clubs many hang arounds. He really was never gonna learn. Something about him didnt sit right with Jax. Jax messed around with more than his fair share of women, and he had no doubts about the broken hearts he left in his wake, but Piney was right. Half the men in the Club would kill for a woman like Emily to hold them down, and the likes of Noah just threw it away. He thought he knew everything but the reality was the little runt didnt know his arse from his elbow. “You wanna tell me why your glaring holes through that kid?” His Mom spoke without even a glance away from her paperwork. Gemma Teller really didnt miss a beat when it came to her son. Jax shook his head before turning to his mother. “It just dont sit right with me thats all. Got a bad feeling.” Gemma raised a knowing eyebrow at her sons vauge response. “Oh so its got nothing to do with you being curious about Little Miss Angry?” Jax smirked at his mom. “No. Just looking out for the good of the club, as aways. And trust me, Noah isnt good.” Gemma nodded as she poured herself a fresh cup of coffee. Before Gemma could continue her questioning, they both turned at the sound of a knock on the open office door. There she was. Little Miss Angry. Stood in the doorway looking uncomfortable. "Sorry to interrupt. I'm just here to sign the paperwork for the bike." Emily wanted the ground to swallow her up as she stood there awkward and red faced. "Oh, and here." She thrust the large baking tray full of homemade lasagne and Garlic bread towards Jax. "I made you guys food to say sorry for erm. What ever that was yesterday." Jax gratefully accepted the tray. "You really didn't have to darlin. Come this way, you can fill the paperwork out in the clubhouse." Jax jerked his head in the direction of the building but regretted it when he saw her face change as she clocked Noah still stood by the boxing ring. "How about we sit on the benches instead?" Emily visibly relaxed at the suggestion. She wanted to be the furthest away from him she could get. "You guys head over, I'll bring the paperwork out." Gemma spoke as she took the tray of food off of Jax. "I'll put this in the clubhouse kitchen, the guys will be all over it like pigs if they see it now." Smiling at the pair as she left. Jax couldn't help but shake his head at his mother. She really was obvious. Leading her to one of the picnic tables, Jax sat down opposite Emily. "So stupid question but how are you holding up?" Emily's eyes widened at the question she wasn't expecting. "Yeah I'm fine. I'm always fine." Emily may have convinced her self she was fine but Jax wasnt buying it. The bags under the girls eyes were dark, she looked exhausted. She glanced over to where Noah was stood talking to some girl. He really didn't give a fuck about her. Clearly. "He's been busted back to prospect." Emily couldn't help the shock that spread on her face at Jax's comment. Before she could speak jax answered the question that he knew was coming. "For the disrespect. He didn't earn his place at our table. How he treated you? It wasn't going to go unanswered." Emily Shrugged her shoulders. “Not gonna lie i wasnt expecting the club to do that. The way you tend to treat women isnt exactly good, So i wasnt expecting you guys to care. Thought i would have my angry outburst and you guys would go on about your day. You hardly know me anyway, he always kept me seperate from it. He used to tell me it was because of how dangerous things got. I thought it was sweet, him looking out for my safety. When really its because he wanted to  fuck around behind my back.” Emily smiled at Jax through watery eyes. “First love dies hard ya’know? I’ve stayed loyal to a sad excuse of a man for 6 years thinking he loved me. He was my first everything. Pretty pathetic right? 25 years of age and I’ve only been with one man.” Emily sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Yeah love will make you do stupid shit, until one day reality smacks you in the face. Hard.” Jax smiled at her. “I get it. Fuck, if i could tell you what my first love did to me, you wouldnt believe it. Had me proper twisted up. Even debated leaving club for her.”Emily’s eyes widened. “Fuck thats messed up. Im sorry. Loyalty is hard to come by nowadays.” Jax couldnt agree more with Emily. He couldnt understand why but he felt he could talk to her without being judged. She was different. Beautiful, but different. “Em?” Jax watched as she visibly stiffened at the sound of his voice. “I didnt know you’d be coming in? What are you hear for?” Emily ignored him completely, still staying focused on Jax. “Did your mom say how long she’d be with the paperwork?” Jax Frowned at Noah, “No Darlin’ Ill go and check now.” Fucking Noah. Was all Jax could think as he stood from the bench and headed into the office to get the paperwork his mom had clearly forgotten. 

Outside Emily was praying  Noah would disappear into thin fucking air but god had other plans. “Hey, are you gonna talk to me?” He placed a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. Emily instantly jerked away and stood up from the bench, trying to create space between them. She could feel the anger burning in her stomach again as she looked at the man she once loved. What she ever saw in him she would never know. Its as if the blind fold she had been wearing for the last 6 years had finally been lifted and she saw him for what he truly was. A Pathetic Sad little man. “What are you doing sitting with Jax? You know his reputation. What you wanna get back at me so your gonna fuck a brother?” Noah’s voice carried across the busy TM Lot. Everyone from the Mechanics working away, the rest of the club coming out of the club house, and even customers heard the accusation spill from his mouth. “Are you fucking kidding me?” There it was. The anger she was trying to hold back came spilling from her mouth. “What i do, Who i speak to and who i fuck is none of your goddamn business anymore! Stay the fuck away from me.” Emily tried to leave it at that. She tried to walk away. But Noah made the mistake of grabbing her arm and trying to pull her towards him. And before he knew it Emily’s clenched fist was making contact with his nose. The crunch was loud. Satisfying even. “Carry on and I will FUCK every single man that sits around that fucking redwood table that doesnt have an old lady waiting for them. 6 years of shitty sex i think im owed a good dicking down. Maybe ill save Jax for last, from what i hear he’s second to none in bed.” Emily spat as she smacked Noah again, ignoring the searing pain in her hand. “And im pretty sure as prospect they can make you watch.” The loud whoops and whistles that came from the rest of the club, shocked Emily. Noah sat on the floor holding his bloody nose as she turned to walk away shaking her quickly bruising hand. Jax came rushing towards her with the paperwork in hand. “Come on, after that you can definitely fill this out in the clubhouse. I’ll get some ice for your hand aswell.” Emily nodded as she followed Jax. Her anger gone, and embarrasment quickly taking over. 

[gay-otlc]

Tma/Kotlc AU (incomplete)

So, I'm never gonna finish this, but the 800 words I did write were pretty good. And now I am posting them.

@aphelea @solreefs @xanadaus (i didn't get past season 1 so it's spoiler free) @ anyone else who is in both fandoms, I don't remember

Prentice is Jon, Tiergan is Martin, Cyrah is Sasha, Juline is Tim, and Sophie is Jane Prentiss (funky worm lady <2)

Uhhh content warnings for canon typical worms and canon typical worm sex

Without further ado

Prentice: Well, this statement is obviously fake.

Cyrah: (amused) You can't just say that abouteverystatement.

Prentice: All of them sound so fake! Listen to this. "I was stalking my weird neighbor who ate paper and then she turned into a completely different person. But conveniently, no one else noticed that Biana is 'Not!Biana' now." 

Cyrah: Maybe it's real.

Prentice: You would think, if some malevolent entity were to take over Biana's life, they would be thorough enough that no one else noticed. Or if they were sloppy enough that Stina Heks could give a statement about her, someone else would have noticed. 

Cyrah: Maybe they're very good at making sure only one person notices, and no one else. Maybe I'm Not!Cyrah and you have no idea.

Prentice: That's not funny.

Cyrah: (jokingly eerie voice) I am possessed by the Wraith! Everything about me has changed. I love math now! The horror, the horror! 

Prentice: That's really not funny.

Cyrah: Maybe you're Not!Prentice. (bad imitation of Prentice's voice) I trust every statement I read, I hate garlic bread, and Tiergan is my best friend now!

Prentice: That is not what I sound like.

Cyrah: Don't be ridiculous, that's exactly how your voice sounds. Why would it take the Wraith possessing you for you to like Tiergan, anyway? He's not that bad.

Prentice: I don't know. He just gets on my nerves. He's completely unqualified for this job and his handwriting is theworst so I can never read his reports and-

Cyrah: And he's cute?

Prentice: Listen, if you're not going to help me organize these statements, you can get out of my office.

Cyrah: Okay, okay. (pages flipping) This statement isn't supposed to be funny but it is. Imagine you're Maruca Chebota and some shady dude delivers a coffin to you, so you use it as a coffee table for a year. You don't report it to the police or anything. It's just your coffee table now.

Prentice: See what I mean? There's no way that really happened. 

Cyrah: How are you gonna work at the Loki Institute and still be a die hard skeptic?

Prentice: I'm just special, I guess.

---

Juline: Have you read the worm sex statement?

Tiergan: ...the what?

Juline: The worm sex statement! Did I stutter?

Tiergan: No, I have not read that. What the fuck.

Juline: Oh. Well, basically, the statement is by Fintan Pyren. He was flirting with a guy named Bronte and while they were talking he found out Bronte was recently attacked by someone who matches our description of Sophie Foster. Then they had sex. Then Bronte exploded into worms. The end.

Tiergan: ...wow. Okay. Does Prentice think it's real?

Juline: You know him, he doesn't think any of these statements are real. I think it is, though. You can't make up shit like that. 

Tiergan: Yeah, it sounds too weird to be fake. I'll do some research into this Sophie Foster worm person.

Juline: (sarcastically) That sounds really fun.

Tiergan: I am not getting paid enough for this shit.

---

Prentice: Where's Tiergan?

Juline: Awww, you're worried about him?

Prentice: What- no- I- (clears throat) I wanted to know if he'd done any more research on the death of Jensi Babblos. 

Juline: Which one was that?

Prentice: The one who was afraid of spiders.

Juline: Right. Anyway, he said he was going to check out Jensi's old apartment, but I haven't heard from him since.

Prentice: Hmm. I'm not surprised he can't be bothered to come in to work today. Or even finish his investigation.

Juline: Maybe he was attacked by worms. 

---

(door slams open)

Prentice: Tiergan, please, I'm in the middle of something-

Tiergan: I was attacked by worms!

Prentice: ...that's unfortunate.

Tiergan: No shit. The Loki Institute might want to install a worm security system.

Prentice: A worm security system? What, exactly, does a worm security system entail?

Tiergan: Fire extinguishers.

Prentice: Fire extinguishers?

Tiergan: The worms were attacking my house, so I defended myself with a fire extinguisher-

Prentice: You defended yourself with a fire extinguisher? 

Tiergan: I panicked, okay? And it worked. 

Prentice: Fine. The Institute can get more fire extinguishers. You think Foster might attack this place?

Tiergan: There's a chance. I haven't seen her in a while, but she might still be following me. I don't think she likes me very much.

Prentice: (muttering) Well, the worms and I have something in common.

Tiergan: What?

Prentice: Nothing. Thank you for letting me know. Is that all? 

Tiergan: Yes.

Prentice: Great. You can go now.

---

Tiergan: I don't think Prentice likes me very much.

Cyrah: (with fake surprise) Oh my god, really?

Tiergan: What did I ever do to him?

Cyrah: He's just kind of an asshole. Why do you care if he likes you, anyway?

Tiergan: ...no reason.

Cyrah: Are you going to go write sad gay poetry about him in your notebook?

Tiergan: (clearly lying) No.

[diagonal-queen]

thungo thursday: how the hell did we get here so fast

'dad never even came to pick me up' SAME AYA LMAOO

they really did make the right choice for bram's va. i don't remember his name but all i know is that he's a seasoned anime va, but it like REALLY fits him fr

i'll never get over how much i love this intro you guys like it's so chaotic and colourful and dark and granrodeo is so good and this song especially is so epic and kishow supremacy

OH MY GOD watching chuuya struggle to breathe is like stressing me out so much that i need to pause and take deep breaths of my own lmao

AYO WHY DOES DAZAI LOOK LIKE A CRYPTID LMAOOOO

also i'm so jealous of him being able to cup sigma's cheek while I cannot

dazai and sigma are so weird to me as a ship because most of the ships i like are '[character that is just like me] + [character who i would have a crush on if i knew them]' but i kin both dazai and sigma so it's like watching the two opposite sides of me frolick around and it's so chaotic

sigma, literally drowning: 😰😰😰😰😰 dazai, also drowning: •-•

if i had a nickel for every time dazai stood on sigma's back/shoulders while they were breaking out of prison i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

(yes i know i use that meme format a lot NO I WON'T STOP)

WET CAT SIGMA (and no i didn't replay the sounds of him gasping for air, why on earth would you think that)

we have both now <3333333333 thumbs up dazai best dazai

imagine someone asks atsushi how he knew to do things or how he had the mind to move forward and he replies 'the voices' but like he's deadly serious and it actually was the voices

wait dazai literally did that to sigma in prison didn't he shfkjhdhgjkhsk

wait so in the manga sigma can read russian, but in the anime he can't? is bones actively bimbo-ifying characters??? how are we letting this slide

akutagawa doing some goku type shit is the funniest thing ever bro actually said 'SHIAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH'

bones you don't need to remind us all about how much you fucked up akutagawa's death scene ok. his dub va literally predicted that his death would be done poorly and he was RIGHT ABOUT IT

(who would win. gonta and monokuma vs dazai and akutagawa)

if dazai's got a broken leg and losing blood very quickly then why is he grunting and moaning like that huh what's that all about

YEAH GET FUCKED FYODOR LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

fyodor: because of dazai you realised something about yourself sigma...[describes me, dia, in disturbingly accurate detail]

i'm sorry but the gay agenda has warped me into viewing a man putting a gun to the head of a man on his knees not as a serious and threatening crime but as foreplay. this is what the gays are doing to today's youth. way cup america

brams life must suck. imagine life exactly the same except you can't frolick in the sun, smell roses, wear silver jewellery, finger gun yourself in the mirror or eat garlic bread. also the 'lacking a body and personal autonomy' thing but who needs those amirite

OH MY GOD THE GIRL **WAS** BRAM'S DAUGHTER!!!!! IT WAS HIS KID THE WHOLE TIME!!!!! YOU GUYS OH MY GOD/??????!!??!!???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't even feel bad for laughing when fyodor started having his mental breakdown like bro what is that face. is this what nikolai sees every night??? man no wonder he went insane

tfw they fisheye atsushi from afar while he's being stabbed in his vitals

i hope they have a stash of strepsils for atsushi's va in the recording studio

BRO WHY IS FYODOR MOANING TF

yknow that episode when teruko aged tachihara down to a child and he looked rounder and stuff? thats fyodor right now

no but actually imagine being pulled so hard that your leg and arm come off OUCHIES what is it with people and taking atsushi's body parts and like stroking them or whatever. if it were me, the only body part of atsushi's i'd be stroking is his di

fyodor you're a great character but i can't help but notice that you just stabbed my husband and then kicked him in the face. unfortunately you have no choice but for me to ruthlessly kill you dead

so much is happening rn i feel bad for the anime onlys who have to process all this shit within one episode whereas we got several chapters to soak it into our skull sponges

yeah, me too sigma. me too

LMAO DAZAI CALLED CHUUYA A BITCH????? THEY LITERALLY BICKER EVERY TIME THEY INTERACT WHY IS THIS PARTICULAR THING SO FUNNY TO ME

maybe its just cus like 'bitch' is a funny word especially. they can call each other 'ass' and 'bastard' and 'dick' all they want but nothing tops a good 'bitch!!'

hold on bones no. NO. you can't do that. dazai was shot once in the head by chuuya, then he smiles and laments before the scene ends and it's left ambiguous if he dies or not. YOU CAN'T JUST HAVE CHUUYA USING HIS CORPSE AS TARGET PRACTICE

asagiri: i wonder how i should design one order flowey from undertale: asagiri: amazing. brilliant. this will be perfect

well, fuck. im terrified for next week!!

[circuitsofgold]

In my three hundred- give or take -years, I’ve just kinda stopped caring about societal expectations. I invest money in banks that I get paid for odd jobs. I've learned how to fix all matter of machinery. I've rescued so many cats out of trees for little old ladies.

My physical appearance is that if a middle aged white girl. Blonde hair that's bleached by the sun at least three months of the year.

I stay around the Upper Midwest because that's where my roots are. There's something comforting in the familiarity. Family's here too. I never had kids before I drank from that stupid river. Not that I hadn’t given it thought. I never met the right man and I never had the most stable life.

I was never much for alcohol. My one experience with it was the champagne when my sister got married. I didn't enjoy it. But a girl's gotta eat so I stopped at a small diner. I left Braxis outside to graze. He'd come when I called him.

"What can I do for you?" The lady behind the counter asked as I glanced over the menu. "Oh I don't know. Everything sounds good. Lasagna and garlic bread. And an orange soda." "Be right out, Darling. Have a seat. You look weary." I smiled as I sat down.

I never really gave out details of my long life. How long I’ve lived and the quirks the water in that river gave me. I removed my sunglasses and rubbed the bridge if my nose. My eyes had changed about a hundred years ago. Orange and yellow. Looked like a cat's or a snakes.

"Well well, look what we got here." I quickly put the sunglasses back on. "I don't want trouble. Just here for something to eat and then I’ll be on my way." I replied before I felt a hand on my shoulder. "You have five seconds to remove your hand before I break it."

"Oh, is that so?" Faster than the human eye could follow, my gloved hand had grabbed his. When my eyes had changed, I had also gotten faster and stronger. I heard the sounds of bones grinding in my grip. "I warned you. I didn't want trouble."

The man spat in my face. "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!" "Wrong answer." I responded before I squeezed harder to break the bones before I shoved him back. "That horse and I have been through a lot. He sticks by me because I treat him well. At any point he could just wander off. Now get the hell out of here."

The guy elected to leave. "Here we’re are. A nice meal to get you on your way. And here's a piece of chocolate pie on me for dessert. You look like you need a pick me up." "Thank you."

Once I had finished my plate and paid. I left the waitress a tip also. I whistled for Braxis. I climbed up into the saddle. "Alright boy, what you say we head home?" Home was my many generations great nephew's house. I always was welcome there and I had some small gifts to drop off in Braxis' saddlebags.

“Fuck you and the horse you rode in on” Okay it’s fine to hate me or whatever but you do understand the horse is not a part of this right. Like he’s only here because I got on his back and steered him here. I treat him exceptionally well but if he saw anything slightly strange he would run into the woods and forget about me forever. Take it back.

[confoundedluna]

Here's the Until Dawn iconic and absolutely ridiculous lines masterlist, please let me know if there's any good ones that I miss! Sorry this took a while, I had to be Thorough with this. (no they aren't in any particular order, I apologise for that)

MIKE

Maybe we should start with a little, you know, making out, and see where it goes from there.

Jesus hot sauce Christmas cake.

Oh my God, totally, we're SO gonna make-out!

Shutters are shutted.

That scared the blue out of my jeans!

Alright! Let's get going, ya fucked up sonnovabitch.

What- are you serious? Now I gotta find a fucking keycard?!

Fuck nuggets!

All wrapped like a little present with a bow on top for that thing to tear us apart on Christmas morning?

This is the safe room, Em!

One at a time, boys. There's enough of me for all a'ya.

Got any marshmallows?

ASHLEY

Go suck an egg!

What are you tweeting?! Hashtag there's a freaking ghost after us?!

Chris, if this is your way of trying to make me feel better... you're fired.

We're freezing our buns off out here!

EMILY

Understand the palm of my hand, bitch.

It was just a prank, Han!

Rule number one, Emily is always right. Rule number two, nothing else matters because Emily is always right.

Holy Cannoli.

Ugh. Unfollow.

Oh, did you not hear me? Was your sluttiness too loud?

At least I can think. 4.0, bitch, honor roll. Suck on that when you're trying to sleep your way into a job.

Oh God. Here goes six hundred bucks... Better be worth it. I looked great in that top.

Meatbrain? Mister Musclebrawn? Matt the incredible sulk?

I found her head. I found Beth's head. ||| Beth freaking Washington.

JESSICA

That bitch is on crack or something.

You couldn’t buy a moldy loaf of bread with your skanky ass.

Michael! I have the best idea! Let's go hug a bear!

As far as I can tell, I still have all seven of my limbs!

That's what bats do! They bite me!

Maybe nosey nannies shouldn't go nosin' around in other peoples'... nostrils...

Boom shakka-lakka!

Sex-iled.

Stand back, Debbie Downer.

CHRIS

I should have paid more attention in climbing class.

Your ass just got saaaacked!

Panel opens, head explodes!

Boom! You just got monked!

(They don't like fire.) I don't like fire!

I'm bad. I'm a badass.

It's a dummy, dummy.

Any, uh, pro Wendigo tips? Like if I rub garlic all over me they won't be able to smell me or something?

JOSH

Let's party like we're fucking porn stars, okay?

Ooh, a sleepover! C-Can we order pizza?

Can't tie 'em up if they just wriggle around!

Godspeed, pilgrim.

Chris is an ass, Ashley’s a dumb dumb.

Do you have an app that can get you laid? ||| Dude, you don't. The answer is that you don't.

I hope you appreciated my little phantasmagorical spectacle!

Guaranteed for at least three hostages, or your money back!

You know what that sound is? It's the sound of never kissing Ashley, you pussy!

I don't take orders from you. You can't tell me what to do.

MATT

Why do you hate my jacket?

I've seen you fit into some pretty tight jeans, Em. ||| It's a talent!

It's no prob, babe. But you gotta remember that there's more to this guy than just bein' a lean, mean, luggage lifting machine.

I was bein' like... sexy.

This ain't roomy enough for you?

Does this 'spot' start with a 'G'?

Boy I'd be a terrible boyfriend if I let a scary old totem pole bite your hand off, wouldn't I?

SAM

Nice shootin’, Tex!

I see a hot bath in my crystal ball.

Watch out for that Josh, he's a schemer!

The towel didn't turn out to be the best outfit for fighting off killer maniacs.

It was just a cute little baby wolverine!

Can I have my clothes back now or am I supposed to hang out in a towel for the rest of the weekend? ... Towel it is, then.

Spunky for an old timer.

You need to listen to me. I don't care if you believe me or not. Doesn't matter because you will. You need to go down to the mines.

I've seen what's down there... and I'd give anything to unsee it.

[garbeanery]

Malevolent - Vampire AU

-

John: Vampire Help Hotline, What can I do for you?

Arthur: I just... I miss garlic bread...

John: ...You're immortal and don't choose to, I don't know mourn a dead friend, crave garlic bread?

Arthur: Oh my apologies, maybe I should just hang up—

John: No! No, keep talking. (this man is payed by the hour)

Arthur: Well, I just miss it. You know? Craving for something you took for granted. "You only miss it once you lose it" type of thing.

John: I think I can understand the sentiment. Do you miss anything else from before the vampirism?

Arthur: I miss seeing my face in the mirror. It was easier to shave, then.

John: I never thought of that before, why do you miss garlic bread?

Arthur: Well, I don't really miss it entirely. I'd love to get a slice but I miss knowing what it tasted like. I mean, it tastes like garlic but I feel like these days I forget more things and that scares me.

John: Hm. Whenever I eat it, to me it starts with taste. It smells aromatic, the smell of garlic wafting even if I haven't yet brought it to my nose. The taste, however, is buttery and savory. The olive oil tastes fresh and rich, you know what olive oil tastes like, right?

Arthur: Mmh, yes.

John: The garlic tastes almost sweet from the toasting. It's accompanied by a crunch from the crust, but the inside is very soft still. The strong flavor of the garlic butter seeps into the air pockets of the sourdough, infusing with the bland fluffiness of the bread itself.

Arthur: (distasteful noise) god, that sounds so good right about now. Not sure if you heard but I was gulping down saliva while you were explaining.

John: The audio quality isn't very good from these old-timey telephones. What with the medieval vampires being unable to grasp technology. Stupid to be a vampire when you can't even adapt to a future.

Arthur: ouch. You are right though. Thank you for this.

John: You're welcome.

------

John: He fucking GULPED, Noel! GULPED. And- and he made these noises, who moans over fuckin- fucking sourdough?!

“Vampire help hotline, what can I do for you?” “I just… I miss garlic bread…”

[kiss-inthekitchen]

of the jealous kind

summary: you and Harry are out at the local farmer’s market when a girl starts flirting with you and Harry gets jealous. only thing is, you don’t exactly realize she’s flirting with you. classic wlw vibes, am i right ladies? (please say yes)

my submission for @bopbopstyles and @harrysclementines bi-ficathon!

a/n: fun times with Harry calling you “his girl” and being just a bit pathetically jealous (his words!) also i might continue this...in a smut type of fashion... if y’all are interested

word count: 2.2k 

--

“Oh, let’s stop over there! I want to get one of those chocolate chip custard things,” you exclaimed, spotting your favorite bakery stand at the farmer’s market and dragging Harry along by your joined hands. 

“A’right, love, m’comin,” he laughed, trying to keep in step with your suddenly quickened pace. 

It was a Sunday morning, cloudy but not too cold, and you and Harry were visiting your favorite farmer’s market in town. You tried to come here at least twice a month if your schedules allowed it. Today, it just so happened, you both had the entire day free to spend with each other. 

Harry knew you had to look at everything the bakery had to offer before you inevitably bought the same items as usual (a good, crusty country loaf and the same danish you never remembered the name of). There was a produce stand across the way that immediately caught Harry’s eye, a “buy 2 get 1 free” sign atop a display of various berries calling out to him. You noticed his distraction, the two of you speaking at the same time.

“M’gonna-” 

“Go on, then.”

“Know me so well, don’t you?” He gave you a soft smile and pressed a kiss to your temple before heading off in pursuit of his beloved fruit. 

You took the last few steps over to the booth’s main table, which held a majority of the baked goods as well as this week’s free sample: a garlic rosemary bread, cut into bite size pieces. You picked one up, on instinct taking a sidelong glance at the basket of your favorite pastries by the register, when the woman behind the counter finished ringing up a customer and turned to you.   

“Can I help you with anything, hon?”

“Oh, um, I’m just looking,” you answered, looking up at her. She must’ve been new, you thought, not recognizing her from your previous visits. She had dark hair, twisted up into a bun at the back of her head, an oversized t-shirt with a phoenix decal on it. Her name tag informed you that her name was Allie. 

“Alright, well, I will say that’s the best flavor we’ve got,” she gestures to the small wedge still held between your fingers. 

“Really? That’s quite a bold statement,” you smile back at her, appreciating her friendliness.  

“You’re gonna want to trust me on this one,” she said, nodding at you to go ahead. 

You took a bite, blushing a bit at the knowledge you were being watched and that she was awaiting your response. “Mhm,” you agreed, around a mouthful of bread. “Okay, you’re right, that’s better.” 

“Thought so. I have been told I’ve got very good taste.” 

“Well, I’m not surprised.” 

She made eye contact with you, the hint of a smile playing on her lips. “So, will you be taking a loaf of the garlic rosemary then?” she asked. 

“Yes, please.” Why not try something new, you thought. And she was right, it was delicious. You’re sure Harry would like it too, and you could just imagine the playful ribbing he was going to give you when he noticed you’d deviated from your usual order. “Oh, could I also get that-” 

“The chocolate chip danish? I saw you eyeing it earlier,” she said, picking one up with a gloved hand and placing it in a small paper bag. “That one’s on the house.” 

“Oh, you’re so sweet! Thank you.” Allie was really on top of it with the customer service. 

“Anytime,” she said, “Anything else I can get you?” 

“No, that’s all for me! Thanks again.”

She rang up your order, handing you the bag before speaking. “You know, we also come out to the beachside farmer’s market on Wednesday’s, if you’re ever in the area. I’ll write it down for you,” she said, picking up a business card from a stack on the table and turning it over to write on the back. 

“Sounds great,” you replied, mostly to be polite. You probably wouldn’t make it out, Wednesdays being a busy day for you with classes. 

Just as she was handing it back to you, Harry appeared behind you, fruit in tow. 

“Thank you so much, have a good one!” you said cheerily, dropping the card into the bag with your goods. You’d look at it when you got home.

She waved back. “See you soon, hopefully.”

You smiled as you turned around to see Harry already standing there, startling a bit at his unexpected presence. He raised his eyebrows a bit, but didn’t say anything as he put his free arm around your shoulders. The two of you headed back to the main walkway, and he waited until your new friend was out of earshot before he spoke. 

“So, yeh just gonna let someone flirt with my girl like that?” 

“What?” That was not what you were expecting. “She wasn’t flirting with me, Harry.” 

“Oh, please, love. Saw the way she was lookin’ at you. Poor girl. I’m sure you led her on.” 

“Excuse me, I did no such thing,” you scoffed. “And she wasn’t even flirting with me, so I couldn’t have.” 

He breezed right past your denial, having already made up his mind. You weren’t going to be able to convince him otherwise, you knew that by now. “Told ya before love, you come off very flirtatious. Almost feel bad for her.” He was smirking down at you, the bastard. “Almost.” 

“Being a pest,” you grumbled, shoving against his shoulder with yours to throw him off balance. 

He stumbled a bit, but recovered quickly. “Oi! ‘S not very nice, is it?” 

You giggled in response, loving when he used that playful tone. He tried to keep a serious face on while looking back at you but failed almost immediately, looking at you with such adoration in his eyes that you forgot what you’d both been talking about. 

“Anyway,” you sang, reaching out for his free hand and threading your fingers through his. “What did you buy?” 

His face lights up at the memory of his purchase. “Got strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries, plus some local clover honey.” 

“Such a sweet tooth, hm?” 

“S’pose I do,” he said with a slight smirk. “Ready to go home and eat, then?” 

“We’ve barely been here half an hour, H. Trying to get me home already?”

“Look too good today, love. Worried if we stick around I’ll have to beat the other vendors off with a stick.” 

“I thought we were done with this conversation,” you rolled your eyes at him playfully, but allowed him to steer you back toward the car park. You were getting kind of hungry anyway. 

--

You’re sat on your kitchen island at home, Harry placing the bags on the counter next to you. 

“Have a nice time, love?” He asks, moving over to you and situating his body between your knees at the edge of the counter. 

You drape your arms around his neck, thumb coming up to his cheek to rub back and forth as he leans into your touch. “Always have a good time when I’m with you,” you breathe. 

“That’s m’girl,” he speaks in a husky tone, before leaning in to press his lips to yours, slow and lazy at first. That is, until he lifts his hands to your thighs, sliding them around to your back and suddenly tugging you closer to the edge of the island, body flush with his. You gasp into his mouth at the action, and you can feel rather than see his resounding smirk. 

“Harry,” you pull back, attempting to admonish him but no one would know from the way your voice shakes. 

“Sorry, love. Know what they say, kitchen’s the most romantic room in the house.” 

“I don’t know anyone who says that.” 

“Y’do now,” he grins lopsidedly at you, and it’s all you can do to remember that the two of you still need to eat. 

You grin back at him. “You’re a dork, you know that?” 

“But you love me,” he responds, and you can’t argue with that. “A’right, I’ll take everything out and we can have a picnic in the backyard, how’s that sound?” 

Your smile nearly knocks him off his feet. “I’ll go get the picnic blanket!” 

He removes himself from between your legs and you slide off the counter and head towards the linen closet in the hallway. When you return, Harry’s taken out the loaf of bread and the danish, and is holding the business card in between two fingers. 

“What’s this, then?” He asks, holding up the bakery’s business card, logo facing you. 

“It’s just their card, the cashier told me they come out to another farmer’s market during the week and she was gonna write it down for me.” 

“Oh, she wrote it down, love.” In a second, he elegantly flips the card over in his fingers to show you the back. “But that’s not all she wrote.” Underneath the name of the other market is her name and, unmistakably, a phone number. 

“No!” you gasp, not believing he was right and you’d fucking missed it. 

“And you bought a new flavor bread?”

“Well, I-  Allie said it was the best one…” you trail off, trying to remember the details of your earlier interaction. Maybe Harry was right, you guess you did seem a bit flirtatious.

“Oh, Allie said, did she? That’s all it takes?” He’s kind of joking, kind of not, when it finally sinks in for you that you’ve, yet again, completely failed to notice when another woman was trying to flirt with you. 

“Oh, god damn it!” you exclaim, completely in your own head and you didn’t even hear what Harry had said to you. “I do this every time!” 

What’s left of Harry’s joking demeanor drops. “Every time? How often does this happen?!” 

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice again.” 

Your friends were gonna have a field day with this one. Three out of the four of you identified as bi or pan, though when you’d all become friends back in high school only one of you had actually been out. Now, you all joked that you had one “token straight” in the friend group. 

“Y/N?!”

“I know, H, can you give me just a moment, I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m apparently a raging stereotype,” you reply, laughing at yourself a bit for being so predictable. 

“Oh, of course, don't mind me. I’ll just be here. Waiting. Very patiently.” It’s a wonder he doesn’t start tapping his foot, clearly the farthest thing from patient right now. 

You snap back to attention, realizing that if you don’t stop Harry he’s just going to keep spiraling. “You do know I’m dating you, right?”

“Do I?” 

“Oh, come on. You’re being such a baby about this!” 

“Oi! I am not!” He huffs, and you can just picture him as an indignant toddler, standing with his arms folded and a deep frown set on his face. 

You hold back a laugh at the image you’ve conjured, closing the distance between the two of you. “Baby, I love you,” you say, pressing a kiss to his cheek.“You know I do.” His jaw. “Why don’t we just throw that out, hm?” You kiss his lips this time, reaching for the card and plucking it from his fingers before tossing it away from you.  

“I guess,” he grumbles as you pull away, but you can tell he’s not quite over it. 

You rest your chin against his chest, looking up at him with your best puppy dog eyes. “You don’t believe me, gorgeous? Need me to prove it to you?” 

“Maybe,” he mumbles, and you know that you’ve brought him back from his little jealousy spiral at the mere suggestion, so you decide to make him wait for it. Just a little while.  

“More than happy to,” you murmur, tracing your fingertips over the back of his hand. “Only thing is, you’re gonna have to have this picnic with me first,” you reach behind him for the blanket, “and you have to stop pouting.” You step around him, laughing as you run toward the glass door that leads to the yard.

“M’not pouting,” he lies to the empty kitchen as he grabs the rest of the food and some utensils before following you outside. 

His mood is definitely lifted, though, when he comes outside to find you seated on the blanket already, grinning widely at him and holding your arms out for him to crawl into. 

Maybe he had been just a tad bit dramatic. 

--

About half the bread is gone now, a bowl of honeyed berries and a plate full of crumbs resting on the cloth-covered grass next to you. Harry’s shifted so he’s laying down with his head resting on your soft thighs, with you carding your fingers through his short curls, just enjoying each other’s company. 

“Wait a minute,” you break the comfortable silence, a thought suddenly popping into your mind. “Other people flirt with you all the time! Sometimes right in front of me!” 

“And?” he muses, reluctantly sitting up in order to face you. 

“And! I never get jealous like that!” 

“I know. Rather insulting, if you ask me. You can get possessive, love. I certainly won’t mind it.”

[titanicsimp]

Here I am with my request.

Could you bless us with a nsfw fic about Connie or Jean (I don’t see very many stories with them and yes I am looking at myself in the mirror shaking my head about Jean) about them cooking with their girlfriend and they make a mess then they take a shower together? 🥺👀

Thank you for the request ♥️

Oh my, such a tough choice between those two but I’ll pick Jean this time because I’m a sucker for his long hair and lil beard 🥵

Warnings: Modern AU!, Smut/lemon🌶

Finally, you and Jean had been given the gift of having a day off at the same time! The past year your schedules had made it borderline impossible to spend a full day together, so now the two of you had the chance, you intended to make the best of it.

You hadn’t filled the day with anything too crazy. Just a stroll in the park and a visit to the mall, activities in which you had plenty of time to talk to your fiancé.

Jean had wanted to cook with you for a while now. He has two left hands when it comes to cooking, but he was sure that with your help the kitchen would remain intact. So when you got some garlic bread from the pizza place at the mall, he got the bright idea to make a pizza yourselves when you got home. He even claimed it would have less calories, which you doubted but let slide since he seemed so adorably confident about it.

“You’re molesting it!” You squeal with laughter as Jean kneads the ball of dough slowly, doing way too much gentle squeezing.

The kitchen already looks far messier than you had intended. Bowls, jars and utensils are spread over the counter, having left smears and a dusting of flour on the granite.

He flushes red as he turns his head sideways to face you. “Isn’t this how you do it?!”

You giggle at his frustrated expression. “You have to put more force, the dough won’t get soft enough like this.”

Jean frowns and pauses, assessing the ball of dough. From the look on his face you would think he’s making a bomb, not dinner.

You almost pass out from laughter as he suddenly starts squeezing the living shit out of the dough instead. It spills out violently from between his fingers, splitting open at all sides.

“Oh my god Jean! You just went from assault to battery charges!”

He grumbles at you as he abandons his task, leaving the dough for dead.

A smirk appears on his face as he takes the spoon out of the jar of tomato sauce. Your laughter prevents you from noticing his actions, only realizing when it’s too late and a dab of sauce lands on your cheek.

You look at Jean with a gasp. “You did not just do that.”

“Oh, I believe it did.” His smirk has turned into a wide grin, mischief glinting in his light brown eyes.

Without hesitation, you grab a handful of flower and throw it his way. Jean laughs and coughs at the same time as the flower hits him right on the chin. His beard and top of his neck are coated in the white powder now.

You look each other in the eye, the challenge of who will dare to do what next heavy in the air. Both of you wait on the other. You wiggle your eyebrows at him, if he wants a Mexican standoff, he’ll get one.

Jean moves, and before you can throw something, he grabs you and pulls you close. Your combined laughter and squealing as you settle for smearing random stuff on each other sounds like a pack of hyenas has been set loose in the house, both having too much fun to stop.

“Okay! Okay! I propose a truce.” Jean finally says, his voice still cracking up with laughter as he throws his hands up.

You pant from your struggle, smearing off your hands on a nearby towel. “I think I might take you up for that.”

No matter how fun it is, it’s still exhausting to battle that stubborn man.

Jean smiles brightly before he leans in and kisses you. You return his affection, moving your soft lips against his.

He pulls away slightly. “You taste like... a lot.”

You snort and give a playful push against his shoulders. “I wonder who’s fault that is.”

“Let me make it up to you?” He proposes, taking your hand in his.

“Hhmm, fine, but after we are finishing this and YOU are cleaning up.” You say teasingly.

“Yeah, yeah. Now let’s clean us up first.” He tells you and leads you towards the bathroom.

Stripping out of your dirty clothes quickly, you join Jean, who has already weaseled his way under the warm shower.

“Scoot.” You tell him with a smile, standing close to his naked form. Your shower isn’t the biggest, and the water only sprays so far.

His hands move to your hips, stroking them lovingly as he shakes his head. “No way, this is my repayment.”

You giggle at his response and reach out to rub the flower off of his beard. The hair feels coarse and nice at the same time.

After you’ve repeated the process with his hair, he moves his hands away from your hips to clean your face.

You laugh as Jean rubs and squeezes your cheeks playfully, and he makes sure to do so gently. When his thumb brushes over your bottom lip, his soft gaze turns lustful.

“You’re so beautiful.”

You try to hide your bashfulness with a joke, but Jean silences you with a kiss. This one’s more passionate than the one you shared before. He keeps your face cupped in his hands, his lips parting so his tongue can ask for entrance. As soon as you part your lips his tongue starts exploring your mouth. You excitedly join in, rubbing your tongue against his.

As the two of you make out, you automatically move in closer. Neither of you even notice that you’re doing it until Jean’s cock presses against your belly. He sighs into your mouth when he feels the warmth of your skin.

You move a hand down to stroke him, but he pulls away as soon as you do.

“If you don’t mind, I would first like to get a piece of what I was really craving all day.”

His comment makes your abdomen clench up in anticipation and you give a nod to go ahead.

Jean backs you up against the wall of the shower and drops to his knees in front of you. He takes your right leg and lays it over his shoulder, giving him direct access to your core.

You mewl softly as he rubs two fingers through your folds, spreading you open for him. With a cocky glance up at you, he brings his tongue to your cunt. He licks down from your clit to your entrance, and up again. Every time he passes the sensitive nub he twirls his tongue over it before he continues.

You grip onto Jean’s hair. “Ah! More!”

He happily complies, closing the remaining distance and sucking on your clit. You moan loudly for him as he switches between licking and sucking, and start to feel your orgasm build.

Jean’s eyes remain glued to your face as he works your clit.

“Jean! I’m so close!” You tell him, panting.

At your warning he pulls away, instead sliding his tongue past your entrance and stroking your clit with his fingers. Your grip on his hair tightens as he fucks you on his tongue, pleasure overwhelming you.

It doesn’t take long before you shake and cum, Jean eagerly licking up your juices afterwards.

He pulls back from your cunt with a smirk. “You taste amazing, maybe we should forget the pizza altogether.”

You laugh breathily and tug at his shoulders to make him stand up. “Well, if you want to complete our little recipe, we’ll need filling.”

“Filling huh?” Jean questions teasingly.

You nod your head, trying to look serious but failing as your face is already flushed with lust.

You yelp as he picks you up, pressing your back against the cold wall and wrapping your legs around his waist as he holds you up by your ass.

“I can do that.” He says with a smirk, thrusting his hips so his cock slides against your wet cunt.

With a moan and a nudge of your legs, you encourage Jean to go on. He leans forward to kiss you again as he enters you. You moan into his mouth as he slides his cock into you slowly, letting you feel every inch.

He stills when he bottoms out and pulls away from the kiss. His eyes lock onto yours and he pulls out almost completely before slamming himself back into you, the sound of skin slapping together resonating throughout the bathroom.

His name leaves your mouth like a chant as Jean starts fucking you. You keep one hand firmly on his shoulder and let the other run through his hair.

“God, you feel so good.” He groans, his grip on your ass tightening.

His pace is slow but hard, every thrust hitting as deep as it can. Your walls pulse around him, still sensitive from your orgasm and enjoying the intrusion thoroughly.

Jean leans forward again, this time pampering your neck with kisses. You breathily moan his name when he picks a spot at your nape to plant a hickey. All of it feels so good, his cock filling you up, his lips on your neck, you just know you won’t last long this time either.

When Jean pulls back after completing his hickey, he shifts his angle just slightly.

Your nails dig into the skin of his shoulders at the sudden shift. “Keep going like that, please!”

You whimper against him as his cock slams into your sweet spot over and over again at this angle.

“Fuck, I’m so close.” Jean says, his voice sounding strained.

“M-me too.” You answer, giving him a little smile inbetween your moans.

He fucks into your faster, tearing a scream of pleasure from your throat. “I want to cum together with you.”

The look on his face tells you how bad he wants it. He needs to feel you squeezing around him and screaming his name.

You nod and moan in agreement. If you could pull him even closer you would, but you both want to see each other’s faces when you cum.

When you see that familiar look on Jean’s face, his eyebrows knit together and mouth open from gasping, it pushes you over the edge of your second orgasm. Your walls clench around his cock, making him groan out and follow behind you with his own climax. You pant and mewl as you feel his cum filling you, some already starting to drip down from where your bodies are joined.

Jean leans his forehead against yours, both of you catching your breath and shaking from your orgasms.

“Maybe we should move the wedding to next week.” He finally says.

You giggle and shake your head. Not that you are opposed to tying him to you sooner.

He kisses your forehead before he slowly pulls out of you, his cum making a mess of your legs and the shower floor.

Jean sets you down carefully, one hand never leaving your hip as he guides you back under the warm water of the shower.

You urge him to stand close to you again, rubbing your hand over his chest. “I love you, Jean.”

You can feel his heart beat faster under your hand, and the long locks of hair that the water makes stick to his face do nothing to hide his blush.

“I love you too.” He tells you with a smile so sweet it makes your heart rate match his.

After the exchange you help each other clean up. Washing off the little ‘recipe’ that you guys created so you can get back to the real one waiting in the kitchen.

[theonlytwoalive]

Seeing Saskia come over to the gate, Theo teabagged back. "Hi bestie!" He yelled, as he began to spin around in game. He loved being able to goof around with the other in game, it was something he looked forward to.

Theo laughed out loud as they listened to Saskia talk shit about their teammates. "Yeah fuck 'em, they should have helped us!" They yelled back as they followed Saskia out of the exit. "Oh pizza sounds so good right now, can I also grab some garlic bread?" Theo asked as he quit the game lobby.

Once Saskia popped the final generator, she ran towards the nearest exit gate, thankfully the one Theo was next to. "Hi bestie!" She yelled as she teabagged the ground to say hello to them. She moved her camera around to see where the other teammates were, seeing they were all the way on the other side of the map.

"Honestly, we always do all the work so fuck 'em. Fuck them kids, bro," she laughed as she started walking to the exit and leaving the game. "Job well done, I say. This calls for a pizza, I think; you want anything?" She asked, grabbing her phone and pulling up the Dominos app.

[chrisevansszn]

Valleys and Mountains Pt 2.🏔

1.5k words

Link to Part 1!

What to do? You love Chris, but you don’t think he can correct this. An affair for an entire three months. How did you miss all the signs? You have sex with him a few times a week, you tried to be the best wife you could…how did your marriage get here?

***

“Chris & Y/N, thank you for coming in today. This is a place where you can express exactly how you feel. Now, who wants to go first?”

“I will.”, Chris said. “I think a divorce is the best option.”

Your head swiveled so fast in his direction. The nerve of that son of that bitch! The doctor saw my face and had to take control.

“Ok Chris. You said that very quickly and without hesitation. Are there any other steps before we pull the plug on this marriage?”

Chris rubs his beard aggressively. You turn your body forward and stare out of the window in front of you. It’s raining cats and dogs outside. You stand up.

Chris and the therapist look at you.

“I need a minute please.” You walk out of the room and down the hall. You just needed out for fresh air. Therapy was the worst decision you ever made. You could hear footsteps coming down the hall; you turn around to see Dr. Grant.

“Are you ok.”

You took a deep breath.

“Yes, I am ready to continue.” You walk about to the room with Dr. Grant.

Chris didn’t even look your way. You guys have a mountain to climb.  

“Ok now. Chris you said you thought that divorce was the best option right now. Can you elaborate on that?”

“Sure. Yes, I fucked up big time. I cheated, but I vowed to put my marriage first because I realized that I made the worst fucking mistake on Earth. Then to find out that my WIFE wanted to get even and decided to go out and fuck some bum ass dude!”

You turn to Chris. “Sounds like we are even to me.”

If looks could kill, you would be a dead woman.

Ok yes, you did cheat on Chris after finding out about his affair, but he started it.

You were out shopping at the mall when a man approached you.  He was tall, about 6ft 3in, nicely tailored suit, and smelled excellent. His said his name was Jason and he owned business building homes. Very impressive. You chatted with him for a few minutes. He had to see you wedding ring. He asked to exchange numbers but that was too much for you. You put his number in your phone and said you will be in touch.

Maybe…maybe not.

You went a couple of days thinking about Jason, but you were so scared to reach out. You and Chris were in separate rooms and are avoiding each other as much as possible. He knew you needed sometime to yourself. After a couple of weeks, you send Jason a text message.

“Hi Jason. This is Y/N the lady from the mall from a couple of weeks ago.”

He responded very quickly.

“Ms. Y/N. I didn’t think you would reach out to me. I’m very happy you did!”

OK…that was nice. You two continued to text well into the night. Asking each other questions and getting to know each other. You finally looked at your clock and it was 2:17 a.m. You text Jason goodnight. You knew you were playing with fire, but you wanted more.

The next morning you woke up to a good morning text from Jason. Well, alrighty then!

You were in your bathroom getting dressed when you heard a knock at the door. It was Chris. He had such a pathetic look on this face. The cheating absolutely hurt you but him telling the girl that he was going to leave you for her….that’s what hurts the most.

You stand up straight and look at Chris.

“Hey.”

“Yes?”

“Can we sit and talk tonight?”

You take a deep breath.

“What are we discussing?”

“Us. I am a mess without you. I can’t sleep, I’m barely eating, and I just want to lay next to you and hold you.”

“That last part isn’t happening. We can discuss tonight.”

He nodded his head and walked out. You picked up your phone and sent a good morning text back to Jason. You finished getting dressed and headed out for work. The day went by super-fast, maybe because you were texting Jason the entire day.

You made it home dreading to hear what Chris possible has to say. You got out of the car and grabbed your things and walked inside. It smelled really good. Did Chris cook? You turned the corner to the kitchen. Chris is standing there in your apron. You shook your head and giggled, not too hard though.

“Welcome home.”

“Thank you.”

You set your things in a kitchen chair.

Chris made some shrimp pasta, a garden salad, and garlic bread. It wasn’t too bad. He really can’t cook. He made you a plate and pour you both a glass of wine. This is the first time you have been face to face with Chris in about 3 weeks. It was extremely awkward. You both eat in silence for a few seconds.

Chris sat his fork down and sat up.

“YN, I know I have fucked up really bad. I can’t express how embarrassed I am that you have to go through this, how sorry I am for stepping out of our marriage, and how stupid I realize I am for what I’ve done.  I am willing to do any and everything that you ask of me to make you love and trust me again. I’m very serious.”

You drink from your wine glass.

“Is that so? Anything?”

“Anything baby, I promise.”

“I want to meet her and ask any question I want to.”

Chris turned pale in two seconds.

“You want to meet her?”, He could barely get it out.

Fuck no, you didn’t!!

“Is that a problem?”

“Y/N please. I just want move forward.”

“Clearly you didn’t mean ANYTHING.”

Chris put his face in his hands. Finally, he looked up.

“No.”

“No?”

“No. That is giving her power.”

You took another sip of wine.

“You know what. I had no plans on actually meeting the girl. It was a test to see how far you would go with “anything”. Dinner was good.”

“Why are you playing games?”

“Me…playing games?”, you laughed.

You then stood up, guzzled your wine, and headed to your bedroom. WHAT A JOKE! You ran yourself a bubble bath and put on some relaxing music. You floated away into a head space far from reality…..that included Jason. You pick up your phone and sent a flirty text.

You two went back and forth sending text and then you went for it.

“Can I see you tonight?”

Y/N WHAT ARE YOU DOING??

He stops replying! Oh my God!

“Sure. Where?”

Whew thank goodness! You decided on a park that’s far from your home. You got out and decide to take even further by sending him a nude pic. Now, there is no turning back!  

You threw on some yoga’s and a top and took off your wedding ring. You didn’t want to make a scene leaving the house. You grabbed your keys and wallet and walked out the door. Chris was sitting on the porch having a beer.

You looked over at him.

“I will be right back.”

He nodded.

You jumped in your car and headed to the park. Jason was already there when you pulled up sitting in his truck. You got out of your car and got in his truck. You gave him a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Hi beautiful.”

“Hi. How are you?”

“Better now.”

You instantly leaned in for a kiss.

“Oh, it’s like that?”

“Very much so.”

You and Jason made out for a few minutes and then you climbed on top of him in the driver seat. You begin gyrating on this dick and you felt it grow. Is that what you want to do? If you do this….you aren’t any better than Chris.

Jason took out a condom and held it up. He gave you “are you sure?” look. You took the condom out of his hands and opened it. Jason sat up and slid his pants down, and then you took your pants off. You put the condom on Jason and sat down on his dick nice and slow.

There is no going back now!

@whxre4cevans

@supernatural-fan151

@fallenoutofrose

@itscrazycherryblossomcollection

@coldmuffinpartycloud

@art-estrange

@coffeebooksandfandom

@arabescapr

[gay-otlc]

Okay so I found the scenes I wrote in my draft somewhere so I'll just repost them here ig

Prentice: Well, this statement is obviously fake.

Cyrah: (amused) You can't just say that about every statement.

Prentice: All of them sound so fake! Listen to this. "I was stalking my weird neighbor who ate paper and then she turned into a completely different person. But conveniently, no one else noticed that Biana is 'Not!Biana' now." 

Cyrah: Maybe it's real.

Prentice: You would think, if some malevolent entity were to take over Biana's life, they would be thorough enough that no one else noticed. Or if they were sloppy enough that Stina Heks could give a statement about her, someone else would have noticed. 

Cyrah: Maybe they're very good at making sure only one person notices, and no one else. Maybe I'm Not!Cyrah and you have no idea.

Prentice: That's not funny.

Cyrah: (jokingly eerie voice) I am possessed by the Wraith! Everything about me has changed. I love math now! The horror, the horror! 

Prentice: That's really not funny.

Cyrah: Maybe you're Not!Prentice. (bad imitation of Prentice's voice) I trust every statement I read, I hate garlic bread, and Tiergan is my best friend now!

Prentice: That is not what I sound like.

Cyrah: Don't be ridiculous, that's exactly how your voice sounds. Why would it take the Wraith possessing you for you to like Tiergan, anyway? He's not that bad.

Prentice: I don't know. He just gets on my nerves. He's completely unqualified for this job and his handwriting is theworst so I can never read his reports and-

Cyrah: And he's cute?

Prentice: Listen, if you're not going to help me organize these statements, you can get out of my office.

Cyrah: Okay, okay. (pages flipping) This statement isn't supposed to be funny but it is. Imagine you're Maruca Chebota and some shady dude delivers a coffin to you, so you use it as a coffee table for a year. You don't report it to the police or anything. It's just your coffee table now.

Prentice: See what I mean? There's no way that really happened. 

Cyrah: How are you gonna work at the Loki Institute and still be a die hard skeptic?

Prentice: I'm just special, I guess.

----

Juline: Have you read the worm sex statement?

Tiergan: ...the what?

Juline: The worm sex statement! Did I stutter?

Tiergan: No, I have not read that. What the fuck.

Juline: Oh. Well, basically, the statement is by Fintan Pyren. He was flirting with a guy named Bronte and while they were talking he found out Bronte was recently attacked by someone who matches our description of Sophie Foster. Then they had sex. Then Bronte exploded into worms. The end.

Tiergan: ...wow. Okay. Does Prentice think it's real?

Juline: You know him, he doesn't think any of these statements are real. I think it is, though. You can't make up shit like that. 

Tiergan: Yeah, it sounds too weird to be fake. I'll do some research into this Sophie Foster worm person.

Juline: (sarcastically) That sounds really fun.

Tiergan: I am not getting paid enough for this shit.

----

Prentice: Where's Tiergan?

Juline: Awww, you're worried about him?

Prentice: What- no- I- (clears throat) I wanted to know if he'd done any more research on the death of Jensi Babblos. 

Juline: Which one was that?

Prentice: The one who was afraid of spiders.

Juline: Right. Anyway, he said he was going to check out Jensi's old apartment, but I haven't heard from him since.

Prentice: Hmm. I'm not surprised he can't be bothered to come in to work today. Or even finish his investigation.

Juline: Maybe he was attacked by worms. 

----

(door slams open)

Prentice: Tiergan, please, I'm in the middle of something-

Tiergan: I was attacked by worms!

Prentice: ...that's unfortunate.

Tiergan: No shit. The Loki Institute might want to install a worm security system.

Prentice: A worm security system? What, exactly, does a worm security system entail?

Tiergan: Fire extinguishers.

Prentice: Fire extinguishers?

Tiergan: The worms were attacking my house, so I defended myself with a fire extinguisher-

Prentice: You defended yourself with a fire extinguisher? 

Tiergan: I panicked, okay? And it worked. 

Prentice: Fine. The Institute can get more fire extinguishers. You think Foster might attack this place?

Tiergan: There's a chance. I haven't seen her in a while, but she might still be following me. I don't think she likes me very much.

Prentice: (muttering) Well, the worms and I have something in common.

Tiergan: What?

Prentice: Nothing. Thank you for letting me know. Is that all? 

Tiergan: Yes.

Prentice: Great. You can go now.

----

Tiergan: I don't think Prentice likes me very much.

Cyrah: (with fake surprise) Oh my god, really?

Tiergan: What did I ever do to him?

Cyrah: He's just kind of an asshole. Why do you care if he likes you, anyway?

Tiergan: ...no reason.

Cyrah: Are you going to go write sad poetry about him in your notebook?

Tiergan: (clearly lying) No.

bestie do you. do you know where your kotlc tma au is tumblr's tagging system is transphobic.

I'll look- I have notes in my drafts also if I can't find this

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

By My Side (Part 4)

Summary: The reader goes to dinner with her step brothers, Michael and Nick, as well as Jensen. When Jensen starts to see how her brothers treat her though, Jensen and the reader have a heart to heart and start to try a different tactic with their relationship...

Masterlist

Pairing: Bodyguard!Jensen x reader

Word Count: 3,700ish

Warnings: language, sibling angst, minor violence, mentioned prior deaths

A/N: Enjoy!

_________

Monday Evening

“Hey pipsqueak,” said Nick, your arms crossed from where you sat on the couch trying to watch TV. “Since dad and your mom are at dinner at that fancy place, maybe you could take us out?”

“Yeah,” said Michael, still texting away on his phone at the other end of the couch. “There’s that steak place dad said was good. Y/N, you want to have dinner with your big brothers?”

“Not particularly,” you said. 

“She still hate us?” said Nick as he came up to the back of the couch, ruffling your hair and placing his hands on your shoulders. “You gotta let that shit go. We were kids.”

“I was a kid. You were both twenty years old and you two harassed me until I moved out, well past when you knew better. Now that I have money, you two-”

“What was that?” asked Nick and you swallowed. “Come on. Let’s get dinner.”

“Whatever. Jensen! We’re going to dinner wherever you are,” you called out. “Jensen!”

He came down the far hallway near where your office was, his hand behind his back on his holster but you shook your head.

“We’re going out,” you said as he dropped his hand down. “To eat. We’ll be back in a couple hours.”

“I’m going with you,” he said. You thought that was odd of him but he made his jaw hard and clenched it. “It’s part of my contract. I go where you go.”

“He’s perky isn’t he,” said Michael as he stood up. You rolled your eyes and went towards the front door to get your purse.

Half an hour later the three of you were seated with Jensen sat at the bar close by and keeping an eye on you.

“Surprised he didn’t ask to sit with us,” mumbled Nick. “Why do you have a bodyguard again?”

“After my old manager tried to have me kidnapped for publicity,” you said.

“You know how to pick ‘em,” said Michael. You gripped the menu tight and reviewed it, already knowing your step brothers wouldn’t even pretend to offer to pay for their meals. You never quite understood them. Chuck was always good to your mom and nice to you. You weren’t particularly close but you didn’t dislike each other either. You got along, he asked about you, you spent time together whenever you visited them. Chuck had always been okay in your book. His children though you could have sworn were adopted with how horrible they could be to you.

“How much you want to bet me I could get that douchey little bodyguard over here in less then five seconds?” asked Nick, a smirk on his face you didn’t like.

“He’s just doing his job. Let him do it in peace.”

“I still don’t get why you have one,” said Michael as he looked over the wine list. “Compared to the other girl on the show, you’re like, not good looking.”

“Dude, I’m your sister. You’re not supposed to find me good looking.”

“I know that, dipshit. I mean, you’re just, plain,” he said. “You’re not the main lead. That’s probably why.”

“I’m co-lead. We have no main lead.”

“But you’re second on the call sheet credits thing,” said Nick.

“Cause Gen got hired before me.”

“She’s still hotter than you,” mumbled Nick.

“She’s married and they’re both my best friends.”

“I didn’t say I want to fuck her. Relax. You’re always so uptight,” said Nick. You bit your tongue and weren’t surprised when Michael ordered a few hundred dollar bottle of wine. You got the twenty dollar one you normally did that tasted just as good and Nick went for an expensive Scotch you’d never heard of. 

“Oh,” you said to the waiter before he could leave. “The man on the end of the bar there, his drinks and meal are on me.”

“No problem,” he said as he took off. 

“She’s got no problem paying for his food,” muttered Michael.

“It’s part of his job. For him, this is a business expense,” you said. You gnawed the inside of your cheek and forced a smile. “The garlic bread is very good here if you guys want to get some.”

“Good with me,” said Michael. He gave you a smile, a genuine one before he was checking his phone again. You’d always liked Michael far more than Nick. On his own, Michael was a pretty decent guy. When he got with Nick though, and that was more often than not, even into adulthood, he was normally pretty unbearable.

“Working any big new clients?” you asked, your voice a tad too high but he ignored it while Nick went to the restroom.

“Potentially. I actually got a job offer in LA. Senior partner,” he said.

“That’s great,” you said, Michael smiling.

“You’re actually happy about that, for real,” he said.

“You’re incredibly smart. You always have been. I’m really happy you’re getting out of our little hometown and going to work at a bigger firm,” you said. “That’s a really big deal. You should be proud.”

“Here I thought you’d tell me not to move to your city,” he said.

“Why do you think I’d say that?” you asked.

“You don’t like us,” he said, nodding to the empty spot beside him. “You never have.”

“You guys are dicks most of the time. You skipped over the getting to know each other thing and went right into horrible dick older brothers.”

“We weren’t horrible. We still aren’t. I have worked cases that would make your skin crawl. We’re the Brady bunch compared to most people.”

“My dad died and I was so excited to have big brothers, you know? That year was so horrible and Chuck made mom stop crying and laugh again and I love him for that. But you guys...it doesn’t matter. I’m happy you’re getting a promotion, Michael.”

“Our mom died too that year,” he said, lowering his head.

“I know she did,” you said. “Forget I said anything.”

“So when do you go back to work?” asked Michael as Nick returned.

“A few months from now,” you said.

“What are you gonna do after that?” he asked.

“Honestly I’m not sure right now. I like TV but I might do movies. My options are pretty open,” you said. “How’s teaching going?”

“Always a joy,” said Nick, taking a long sip of his water. “I got tenure finally. Not sure if I’m gonna stay though. If Mikey moves out here I might take a position at UCLA.”

“Oh. So you’re thinking of moving out here too?” you asked. Nick narrowed his eyes and you you looked away. “Maybe mom and Chuck will come out if you guys do.”

“Maybe,” said Nick. Thankfully you spotted your waiter come back with your drinks and you were able to order your appetizer and dinner, already expecting a nearly thousand dollar bill thanks to their alcohol choices. 

“I’ll be right back,” you said. You excused yourself and walked over to the bar, Jensen sipping on a glass of beer while he half-watched a TV behind the bar.

“Require saving from your brothers?” he smirked to himself, turning before you could tap him on the shoulder.

“Why do you say that?” you asked, leaning against the padded bartop. 

“Just a vibe I get, you and Nick especially,” he said. “Nobody gets a pass from me.”

“He’s not a great older brother but he’s harmless,” you said.

“He intimidates you.”

“Like I said, he’s not great but the worst thing he’s ever done was leave me with a group of strange guys. Michael did the same thing. Otherwise they’re just like, crappy older brothers.”

“Crappy or something else? Like I said, nobody gets a pass from me.”

“Jensen. They would never hurt me. I swear on my life.”

“Michael wouldn’t. Nick...I’ll be keeping an eye on him, both of them, whether you want me to or not. I’m the asshole bodyguard after all,” he smirked again.

“Well, it sounds like they’re both gonna move out here soon so we’ll be seeing them more.”

“Lovely,” said Jensen. “So why’d you come over? Need a break from them?”

“Yes. Also, I already told the waiter but your drinks and food are all on me. Feel free to order whatever you want,” you said.

“I’ll stick to the one beer. I’m at work still,” he said.

“They have really good steak. The filet is amazing along with the green beans,” you said. Jensen smiled and played with his glass, swishing the ice cubes around. “The lobster macaroni is also a great side.”

“That’s a hundred dollar steak.”

“Jensen, you know I can afford it.”

“I also know how much you’re paying me. I can afford it.”

“Jensen. I’m your boss. I’m paying for it. Next time I want Taco Bell, you can pay at the drive through if it makes you feel better,” you said. He smiled, a soft gentle little smile you’d never seen on his face before. You returned it, Jensen staring at you before he shook his head and it fell away.

“I’m going to lose this argument, aren’t I.”

“Yeah, you are. I’d much rather pay for your meal than those two bimbos. I like you better,” you said.

“Must have a pretty low bar for them then,” he said.

“Why’d you stop talking to me? After the paparazzi guy?” you asked. He shrugged and wiped off a stray drop of condensation on his glass. “Please?”

“There’s a line I have to keep with you. We can be friendly but if something happens, I am in charge. There can be no doubts about that. I felt that I needed to step back and reaffirm that boundary.”

“We can keep the boundary. But we can be friends too. If you say hide, I’ll hide. If you say run, I’ll run. I know you think I’m a dumb actress but-”

“You’re not dumb. You’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met,” he said. You blinked and he offered a half smile. “You have an ability to push through panic and be logical. I know guys with all the training in the world that can’t do that. You’re not a dumb actress. It’s obvious that you were raised to be intelligent.”

“My point is, I will do what you tell me to when it’s those hard moments. But I have confidence that you were wrong before. You can like someone, maybe even care about them like a friend, and still be able to protect them. I actually think it’ll make you better at your job.”

“Give me one example of where that works. Just one.”

“Maybe you want to try talking to your bestie, Jared,” you said. “Or literally most anyone in a relationship anywhere.”

“Touche,” he said. He smiled and nodded. “No more cold shoulder.”

“Thanks.”

“So I should try the macaroni with my steak?” he asked.

“And the green beans. You get two sides. You can get however many you want actually. The dessert selection here is even better than the steak if you can believe it.”

“I’ll have to check it out,” he said. “But no green beans. Traumatic childhood incident with them.”

“I better not be attacked by the cabbage patch kids. They might just take you down,” you said, Jensen giggling to himself. “Oh, he does laugh. Good to know. The roasted truffle garlic fries are really good too.”

“Thanks,” he said. “I think I’ll check them out.”

“Do you want to sit with us?” you asked, nodding back towards the table.

“I better not. I don’t think your brothers like me very much,” he said. “I got a better vantage point over here anyways.”

“Vantage point?” you asked.

“Got a weird feeling is all. I want to stay sharp tonight,” he said. You nodded and turned to go, Jensen catching your bicep. “If something happens, what do you do?”

“Duck and cover and wait for you to get me,” you said.

“Good girl. You did read my instructions.”

“Yup. Even read the part about how to get out of your hands being tied behind your back. Unfortunately, I’m not flexible enough and my ass is too big for that,” you said. He chuckled and you smirked. “Oh you know it is.”

“I’m not opposed to that fact,” he said. You went wide eyed and he laughed. “My boss is hot, what can I say.”

“You better stick to the one drink after all, Ackles,” you said, laughing as you lightly whacked his arm. “Try the triple brownie sundae for dessert. You won’t regret it.”

“Thanks, Y/N.”

“I think I gained five pounds,” said Michael, stretching out in his seat nearly two hours later, the waiter bringing over the check. You frowned at the bill but it was what you were expecting. You stuck your card in the pocket and caught the waiter pretty quickly. It was getting late and you were tired. Even your step-brothers were getting quiet so you hoped to get home quickly.

The waiter returned and you wrote out a tip, sticking your card back in your wallet and purse. You stretched as you stood up, your step brothers taking their time to get to their feet. You headed over towards Jensen when the sound of glass shattering caught your attention. You turned your head and heard tires screeching outside, spotting that the window at the front of the restaurant was gone now. You barely saw the cop car driving by before you heard sharp little noises in the air and felt like you got hit by a truck. 

Suddenly you were on the ground, Jensen on top of you. Nick and Michael were ducked down under the table along with most everyone in the restaurant, some people at the bar hopping over the counter and diving behind the back. The whole place was silent and you all heard the front door to the place open abruptly. Jensen stood up in one smooth motion, his gun out and aimed, a shot ringing out a second later as someone yelled. A few seconds later there was a loud echo of feet, Jensen setting his gun on the ground and holding up his hands. Police filled in the place, two very angry looking officers rushing over to him and barking orders.

“It’s okay,” said Jensen to you as he knelt down.

Less than five minutes later he was released and some hostess was thanking him over and over still for stopping the guy that had come in looking for trouble. Jensen shrugged it off, only grazing the guy and the police pretty impressed with him for doing so. 

“Are we free to go?” asked Jensen, an officer nodding. He waved for you and your step-brothers to follow, Jensen driving the four of you back to your place quickly. Nick and Michael took their rental car back to their hotel, neither one much in the mood to talk after what had happened.

Jensen checked that the house was secure before he went to his room and shut the door. You weren’t sure if he was okay or not. He seemed pretty calm but he had shot a guy, if only barely. Instead of heading to your bedroom, you wandered down the hall to his area of the house. There was a guest suite there he used for his bed and bathroom but he rarely used it unless he was going to bed and he always, always told you when he was turning in for the night.

As you were about to knock on the door you heard the faint sound of a shower and nodded. He was simply cleaning up. It didn’t sound like a bad idea to yourself honestly. You went down the hall to your room, flipping on the light. It was a soft white in there, the wall behind the bed a shiplap that led up to wood beams going across the vaulted ceiling. Another light was flipped on in the bathroom and you stepped under the shower for a few minutes, washing off your face and skin. After five minutes you went out to the bedroom and over to the closet, finding a pajama shirt and shorts to slip into. Your hair was thrown up in a messy bun and you found your oversized fleece hoodie you occasionally slept in. Tucking it under your arm, you headed out of the room and back down the hall, Jensen’s door still shut.

“Jensen?” you said, knocking on the door lightly. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” he said. Carefully you pushed the door open, Jensen walking out of his bathroom in just his boxer briefs, wiping a towel over his head. He tugged it down and stared at you, your eyes going to his chest, legs and everywhere in between. 

“I uh, wanted to make sure you were alright,” you said, ripping your eyes away and meeting his gaze. He nodded and tossed his towel back into the laundry basket by the closet.

“I’m fine. You?”

“Yeah. I uh-”

“No need to be nervous around me,” he said.

“Right,” you said, Jensen walking right in front of you before stopping. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay and to say thanks.”

“It’s my job,” he said. 

“Still,” you said. “I...here. I thought you might like this.”

“A hoodie?” he asked as you handed him the fleece. “What’s this for?”

“S’my bad day hoodie. I wear it to bed sometimes. Makes me feel better,” you said with a shrug.

“Old boyfriend’s?” he asked as he pulled it on, a soft smile spreading across his cheeks. “It’s so soft. Thanks, Y/N.”

“You’re welcome,” you said.

“So was it the boyfriends? Or you get it for yourself?” he asked.

“It was a birthday present for my dad. He died the week before. I never got to give it to him.”

“I shouldn’t be wearing this,” he said, moving to take it off when you caught his wrists. He was so much stronger than you but he let you manhandle him and move his hands back to his sides.

“It fits you better than it ever did me. Besides, I think you’re a little on edge and not telling me which is fine. It’s good for that,” you said. “I want you to keep it.”

“Y/N, I can’t keep something like this,” he said. You stared at him, Jensen swallowing. “It’s important to you.”

“Yes. But you gave me your blanket and wouldn’t let me return it. Fair is fair,” you said.

“Y/N-”

“S’an order, Jensen. Keep it.”

“Yes mam,” he said quietly.

“I hate when you call me that,” you said, moving your hands away from him.

“I know you do,” he said, a quick smirk crossing his face. “Why aren’t you using this yourself tonight?”

“I got my blanket. I’m good,” you said.

“It doesn’t explain why you’re giving me this though.”

“Lately, something else has been making me feel better and safe. My dad would have liked you.”

“Your father was a good person. A brave person,” said Jensen. 

“You know how he died,” you said, Jensen returning a nod. “I used to be really angry at him. Why’d he have to go help that woman? He could have walked past and been alive. But since I got older, if I was that woman being attacked, I would pray for a man like that to come help me. I know he was good.”

“I will do my very best to be that man for you,” he said. 

“I know you will. If you need something, come get me,” you said.

“Y/N,” he said just as you spun around. “May I have the morning off? You will be with family and my sister is in town for the day for work. I’d like to get lunch with her if I could.”

“Take the day,” you said with a smile, looking back over your shoulder. “She can come to dinner if you like.”

“She’s got a flight back at five thirty,” he said. “Thanks though.”

“It’s no problem,” you said. “Goodnight, Jensen.”

“Goodnight,” he said. You pulled his door shut after yourself and went down to your own bedroom to get under the covers. You stared up at the ceiling, hearing a light pitter patter on the rooftop. Rain was so rare in LA that you normally welcomed it when it came around. It reminded you of back home in a way.

A text popped up on your phone just as you were closing your eyes. It was from Gen and was a link to some news article about the restaurant, a picture of you and Jensen front and center.

You wrote back you were fine and turned off your phone, knowing you’d have to deal with questions in the morning.

________

A/N: Read Part 5 here!