#oh and mothers day is coming up
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
on the verge of tears
#i need a *** so badly i cant be without one#n i dont want it to be anyone else at all ever#high n dissociated summer here we come ✨#oh and also its been a year since my most recent assault so. uhh theres that#i feel like a void about it.which means someone else is feeling something about it somewhere#its gonna come up at some point n ruin my life#oh and i was assaulted the same month but in 2019 so thats another anniversary thats fun#like 3 times in may 2019 i think. idk i cant remember any of it#maybe more#it didnt happen to me.so.#oh and mothers day is coming up
1 note
·
View note
Text
It’s 1AM and all I can think about is Donna and Miranda’s routes in Resident lover like.. the mold has grown three sizes in my brain
#resident evil village#resident evil 8#donna beneviento#mother miranda#resident lover#OH MYYY GODDDD#Donna’s is so cute and I melt#then here comes big bird#every day I wake up
60 notes
·
View notes
Text
girlhood
#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day#like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again#and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her#I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her#and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again#“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her#growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain#and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when#people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it#but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one#and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her#lol!!!!!!!!!
51 notes
·
View notes
Text
RIP Krakoa 🌹 I can’t lie I’ve been kinda behind since midway through Fall of X I’m gonna catch up before my first SDCC this summer but I hear Vulcan didn’t see much action anyway. Anyway my hand slipped and I found myself looking into the eyes of my canonically psychotic son the best Summers brother who’s never done anything wrong in his entire life, (he’s done lotsa wrong things but I love him more for it)
#canonically psychotic = he canonically has psychosis. (not in the ableist way in that hes evil. which he is. lemme enjoy problematic rep)#Gabriel Summers#art by seaweed#words by seaweed#X-Men Red#the Gabriel hate during the Krakoa era pffffft. was 100% from ppl who didnt read the Rise and Fall of the Shi'ar Empire#“he attacked Storm” hes also a genocidal dictator who tortures ppl for catharsis. drunkenly coming at Ororo is the least bad thing he did#“he's a douche” mother of all understatements. now get this man back w his boyfriend who he forced to be his best man under pain of death#Gabriel fans LOVE that Ororo beat his ass. he deserved it. it was a fake discourse made up by a certain segment of goddess!Ororo fans#I say as an Ororo fan! Shes my fav A-list x-man🥰 yes Gabe was at a mental low but Ororo didnt know that. that was Scott's responsibility.#psychotic Emperor Vulcan is what we call a problematic mentally ill villain trope. I love him SO much. (okay lets talk)#we don’t know much about his childhood but we do know he spent 2 years in a fugue state after escaping slavers when he was like ten ):#as an “adult”-ish he's uh “mentally” 15 or sumn according to the calculations claimed to him by his hallucination of his actual child self#and apart from THOSE hallucinations. he’s very paranoid to the point of killing his advisors because he becomes convinced-#that they’re plotting to kill him. they aren't. he relies on Calseye to ground him thru his paranoia. and then of course in the Krakoa era#he believes his energy constructs of Petra and Sway who drink with him till he blacks out every single day are real. he isnt consciously#creating them; but he sees them- and bc he’s a godlike mutant his subconscious makes his hallucinations visible. making everyone uncomfy#Charles tries to use telepathy to FORCIBLY reality check him. which of course triggers his trauma. and GABE is punished for it?#(oh plus our finding out Gabe got brain surgery done on him by some gods outside the universe offpanel. he never does well with tampering)#and now the writers who pushed Hickman out (also RIP Sabretooth & the Exiles. RIP Hellions) want us to be SAD Krakoa is gone?#yes Gabriel is the mentally ill villain trope. but Krakoa never cared for mutants who couldn’t fit in. who were traumatized. disabled. etc#Alex OF ALL PEOPLE should understand that. ALEX should’ve been there for Gabriel. (why wasn't he. did he hold a grudge for past torture.)#Alex also w Murder-Enjoying Disorder but it was actually treated as an illness and those in authority presented as wrong for excluding him#instead of helping him. which v flawed but Hellions was one of the best mental illness comics? like Zeb Wells was conscious of the genre#but Gabriel was just… cast out. for panicking when his prime traumatizer Charles invaded his mind. he deserved help too#and all because his family were annoyed at him for drinking all night and throwing up and passing out on the floor? for being delusional?#And like- all of the summers brothers are nd (Scott's brain damage; Alex's dissociative episodes; Gabriel's psychosis)#I have nothing to say about Adam X ((I highly doubt he's neurotypical and/or mentally healthy)) ((nothing to say abt him tho))#and Gabes paranoia is 100% rooted in his issues of being made to feel like an outsider. like YES the obvious MUTANT identity but also#he thinks his father abandoned him to be a slave. he's not Summers enough for Scott. hes not Shi'ar enough for the Shi'ar
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about how expectant of her own death scully always was, but how completely struck by shock she was in mulder’s, despite how clear it had always been that he would one day die for the cause. tragedy in the x-files as something you should have been prepared for, but never could be, in scully standing at a funeral, as her mother had stood at her father’s, and barely being able to speak. she should be able to do this? bred to be a war widow, attached to an endless line. but no matter how many times she saw him put that gun to himself, or run off in front of another, she really did believe that he would always come back. she really did believe that there would never be a day where he didn’t just appear in the doorway again.
#‘oh my god you’re so naive / you’ll leave this world in a drunken heap / who’ll make the arrangements baby / them or me?’#oh father john misty we’re really in it now#that song (‘please don’t die’) has been discussed RE: msr before but it’s that ‘who’ll make the arrangements?’ line that sticks with me#in the song it’s from his wife’s point of view in his addiction/suicidality. how he’s always running off with ‘reptilian strangers.’#but it always makes me think of scully standing at that funeral and saying….he was the last one.#his sister is GONE. his mother is gone. his father is gone.#and that realization of…she had to plan that funeral. the flowers and the people and the priest and the grave.#she’s pregnant and she’s alone and he ran off after someone else or some answers as he always does. but who will make the arrangements?#in that moment at the funeral when skinner says….but he’s NOT the last one…..#she has to keep going because he’s left her this baby she’s carrying. and she is so ill-equipped and she carries so much perceived shame.#her mother did it. her mother WOULDVE done it- had ahab not come home one day. the women on the base she grew up on did it.#and anyone in the world could’ve told you that she would have to do it one day- no matter how many years she spends chasing after him#as he jumps onto moving trains or pulls the trigger on his own head or runs to the arctic#but she never actually thought she would. and now she’s realizing that she can’t.#and she’s planning a funeral and decorating a nursery at the same time and she is ‘just not capable’#txf.txt
57 notes
·
View notes
Text
Transmasc Paul Atreides is probably THE funniest dune hc imo
#can you imagine. being jessica in this scenario#giving birth to a girl and being like okay not what i wanted but at least the bene gesserit will be happy#then one day your ''daughter'' comes up to you and is like mother i need to speak with you.#like 'oh the reverend mother is going to be so pissed'#okay this begs an important question: are the bene gesserit transphobic. discuss#dune
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#oh wow...#i just had an oh shit fuck moment#wow#i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying#if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time#and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted#so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself#because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to#go in myself either way was way worse to me#because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to#''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever#and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in#and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day...#all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed#although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words:#''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in''#which is ridiculous#but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?#forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me?#pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread?#panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head?#yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)?#isn't that literally what masking is?!#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''#when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?!#you know what's the best part about all this#that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above]#my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''....#same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit''#ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
the desire to do comms vs my inability to remember that i got a message FIGHT-
#its like 'oh a message! i will respond later'#and then later never comes cause i have no damn object permanence Or working memory#then its like... what do i even say#'hi sorry i ghosted your simple question for two days i forgot you messaged me' AGH#or especially lately#i mean to do things and then i get a New piece of distressing information about the way my life is going#which then consumes my thoughts and leaves no room for anything else#ahaha thanks! ill claw my eyes out now!! wow!!! FUCK!#trying to keep up the things i enjoy is. so tough rn#but ill flounder w/o em so! hard work that i am mostly failing at but i Keep Trying#yes i wanna do comms. yes i wanna draw. yes i wanna talk to people. can i? mmmmm......#can't wait for this chapter in my life to be over. goddamn.#ive been in a perpetual state of intense stress since early childhood#but my fucking duck things lately have been taking the cake#absolutely unprompted#oh no this is turning into a vent post Look Away#well my mother called again last night and was all 'im getting you a car'#and uh. i started physically shaking while profusely thanking her (lying through me teeth)#GIRL!!! I DONT NEED A CAR THATS TOO MUCH RN!!!#she's always mentioning how the collective We are tight on money#and that rn i need to focus on making decisions and getting a job ill hold for like. a month#and then she slams this down outta left field??? thats so much extra stress i dont need right now???#now i gotta worry about parking and maintaining it and gas money i dont have And And And-#i cant exactly tell her Dont Fucking Do That bc then she'll blow up in my face and call me inconsiderate & ungrateful again#me and my stepdad dont have the fucking TIME to get one! and then she was like 'oh i can always come down to help'#please dont. do not do that. i cant deal with you in person right now that sounds hellish#anyway. case in point#cant even think about messages and stuff i Want to think about bc all this bullshit is taking up my entire mind#metaphorically slamming my face into a brick wall till theres nothing left. aaaghhahsbkjadadj#its too much its Too Much everything is so much and its too much and can i be let be for two fuckin seconds please
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
my niece stayed with us last night. it was pretty fun this time, probably because I was feeling better (if I'm already in pain or exhausted, I can't handle it). after we dropped her off, we talked to my mother for a little bit, and then drove to my in-laws. we were there for a few hours and because the guys were busy outside, i ended up talking to my mother-in-law for most of that time. it was... kind of good? I don't know. she actually showed some real emotions, just a little bit, but hey that's more than ever before! I even gave her a weird little shoulder squeeze/side hug, it was so weird.
anyway, I almost fell asleep in the car on the way home because I was so tired, and actually did fall asleep immediately on the couch.
#it's pretty annoying because my mother-in-law of course asked me how applying for jobs is going. I haven't applied for a single one yet#bc dude I can barely get through the day. I sleep for 12-16 hours a day. and I'm almost always in some kind of pain. and I'm not doing so#good mentally either. come on! I interacted with a handful of people in one day and had to sleep for like 6 hours.#anyway so I said it's a bit difficult because I'm constantly tired - it felt like the only thing she might kind of understand?#annnd she said its probably a vitamin D deficiency and I should get that tested (I won't because I'd have to pay for that and also I think I#read that taking vitamin D supplements doesn't actually help? I can't remember now and I don't want to look it up bc I know it definitely is#not the only or even main reason I am always tired.#I took vitamin D tablets for several months last year (?) bc my previous GP recommended it and. it did absolutely nothing at all#plus. like. I can't sleep. I sleep like shit. always. so. idk? that definitely doesn't help#and I sleep more when I'm in pain and all that too. so.#and she knows I have a bunch of health issues but. nope it's vitamin D because that's one thing and it's simple and here take a pill you're#fine now! wait why aren't you fine now? oh I guess you're just lazy 🙄#< that's 100% how that would go#ugh. Just let me sleep for 5-10 years. maybe that'd fix me....#like. I'm trying to get myself back (?) to being an actual human person again. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm trying to#live and not feel like I'm drowning every fucking day#finding a job is only gonna add more stress and exhaustion and everything. if I want to try to help myself this is the time to do it#okay rant over I'm going to sleep now#personal
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello! ✨
Something for the Thenamesh 10 Things AU!
What about some drama with Arishem. He heard a stupid rumor that his daughter Thena had some dirty time with a "bad boy" at a gas station or a workshop. Arishem was storming out of the house when Thena an Sersi came home and he yelled at her and grabbed her, trying to drag her into the house. And then, of course, Gilgamesh shows up and makes it even worse, because Arishem thinks he's this, in the rumor mentioned, "bad boy".
🖤✨Hugs and Love✨🖤
"Thena!"
Thena and Sersi both jumped as their father's voice rattled the air around them. Sersi stood from where she and Thena were sitting on the front step together. "F-Father, what-"
"Silence," the monstrous man stepped closer to them, forcing Thena to her feet with the pressure of his presence. He loomed over them. "Thena, I have heard rumours of you."
"What rumours?" she asked outright. It wouldn't do her any good to play stupid with her father. "Whatever it is, I'm certain it's false."
"Is that so?" he queried, leaning over his eldest daughter more. "I was told you went looking for...transportation."
Thena bristled.
"It is my understanding that you have formed an associative attachment with someone," Arishem paused, "less than reputable."
"Please say who you mean, Father," Thena asked, which was as good as wagging her finger and sassing him.
"Gilgamesh," Arishem spat out the name with distaste. "A young delinquent who will be lucky to graduate school, let alone attend a secondary education befitting of this family."
"And what does that have to do with anything?"
"You know the rules," he spoke deeply and evenly, eyes bearing down on Thena with her head directed at her shoes. "You do not let the common animals bed you, especially not the likes of unlawfuls."
"Father!" Sersi spoke up in a surprising bout of rebellion. "I don't know what you're talking about but Thena-"
"Was seen with this young man several times," Arishem concluded for his second daughter. And favourite, if Thena needed any more proof than this very conversation. "Including, entering and exiting his vehicle."
"I did not realise asking for a ride was strictly forbidden," Thena spoke up for herself again, which she had never done as much of in the past. But she managed to drag her eyes up to glare at her father, "truly I must be the whore of Babylon, then."
Arishem's eyes flared, only making his dark, devilish appearance even worse. "Enough."
"Father!" Sersi gasped.
"Inside," he snarled, gripping Thena's arm and dragging her up the rest of the stairs and towards the door.
"Hey!"
All three heads turned as a figure walked up the sidewalk and towards the house. "I don't know what the hell's happening, but let go of her."
Arishem stared down the young man walking towards him so brazenly. "You."
"Me," Gil made a face at him. Arishem's height didn't bother him, nor the sheer size of his figure, wide shoulders and monstrous limbs. Gil shrugged at him, moving his jacket with his hands inside the pockets.
Arishem looked down at Thena, in his clutches like a bird being shoved into a cage, "truly? This is with whom you wish to associate?"
"Father, please!" Sersi pleaded, tugging at his other sleeve in an effort to help her sister.
"Father?" he an even more sneering face at him. He walked up a few steps towards them. "You're their asshole of a dad?"
Arishem's spine straightened, each vertebra locking into place so he could glare down at the boy. "You have the audacity to address me so improperly?"
His eyes dashed down to the hand around Thena's arm. "I have a problem with anyone who handles their own kid like this."
"Gil, don't-!" Thena bit her lip as her father pulled her upwards, forcing her to stretch up with the impossible angle of her arm within his frighteningly high grasp.
"Gilgamesh," Arishem addressed, still holding onto Thena like an escaped convict. "I will say this only once: whatever claim to my daughter you think you possess, put it from your mind."
"Put it from my mind?" he repeated back as if he hadn't heard it the first time at all. "The fuck is wrong with you?"
Arishem brought his shoulders forward. "You-"
"No, you!" Gil belted back at him, jabbing his finger up in his face despite the difference in their height. Gil didn't back down in the least in the face of the monster of a man. "You listen to me, fuck-face! I don't care if you're their dad, I don't care if you spoon feed them from gold plates every single day! You don't handle them like this!"
Gilgamesh reached forward, taking advantage of the surprise on Arishem's face and grasped Thena's hand in his. He pulled faintly, but Arishem's grip hadn't loosened any.
His eyes looked as black as coal. "Unhand her."
"Stop hurting her," Gil barked right back at him. "I don't know what happened here, and I don't give a shit. She doesn't deserve this."
"Gil."
He looked at her, grief stricken by the whimper in her voice.
"Enough!" Arishem bellowed, his voice once again seeming like it could rustle the leaves in the trees. He let go of Thena, who stumbled like a fawn into Gil's offered support. "It seems I was right to deem you a lost cause."
"Who the hell talks about their own kid like that?"
"You," Arishem turned his attention back to Gilgamesh, whose hold on Thena's shoulders tightened. "If I ever lay my eyes on you again, your life in this town will cease to exist. Do you understand?"
Gilgamesh didn't even blink, holding Thena against his chest, "I understand that you're a prick who's lucky his daughters didn't turn out to be psychos too."
Perhaps with nothing more he could do to exercise control over the situation, Arishem turned and walked back into the house. The door slammed closed and Sersi's somewhat panicked breathing became more audible.
"Hey," Gil said gently, tipping Thena's chin his way, "are you okay?"
Thena just blinked, somewhat stunned by the past minutes.
"Thena!" Sersi rushed over to her, practically in tears. "I-I-I can't believe Father would-!"
Gil moved aside as Sersi threw her arms around her sister. Thena would never call herself a 'hugger' by nature, but Sersi was always the more emotional of the two of them. She patted her sister's back, "I'm okay."
Her eyes met Gil's, who still had quite a snarly look on his face. "Are you?"
Thena blinked before nodding, "I am."
Gil shifted on his feet, nodding his head in the direction of the front door, "are you gonna be okay going in there?"
Thena had her reservations, but their Father, at the very least, never dwelt on them for long. "I have no concern with what his opinion is of me. But don't worry, he would never expend the effort it would take to hurt me."
Gil eyed her arm--the one that had been wrenched upward in her father's grasp. "You sure about that?"
Sersi pulled herself away from Thena to offer a positively furious expression, no matter how tearful. "I cannot believe Father would act this way. I'm going to tell him that I will never forgive him for this!"
Thena nearly laughed, watching Sersi stomp her way into the house to give 'daddy' a piece of her mind. She rubbed her hands over her arms, "if it comes from Sersi, he is more apt to listen."
"Hey."
Thena looked at him as he placed his hands over hers, letting her guide his hands over her arms as well. She immediately thought of the hoodie that was inside, sitting on her bed waiting for her.
"Are you really okay?" he whispered, as if her father were lying in wait, listening. He ducked his head closer to hers, "you don't have to go in there. My Uncle would have no problem with you staying with us. He has a guest room!--and my room in the basement is-"
Thena smiled, tapping just the tip of her finger to his lips. She had never had the privilege of seeing Gilgamesh ramble on and on. It was endearing. "I am not afraid of my father, Gil, nor will I be afraid of walking into my own home."
"But-" he tried to protest, but she sealed his lips shut again.
"It is a sweet offer," she conceded. She never would have anticipated it, and it was almost humorous to imagine Gil just...showing up with her, like some stray he wanted to keep. "And I appreciate it. But I promise I will be fine here."
He sighed, obviously not in favour of leaving her here to whatever her father had in store for her. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," she echoed back to him, just to see a smile on his face. It was small, but it was there. "I'll come find you tomorrow--prove my living status to you."
He chuckled, stepping back from her with a roll of his eyes, "okay Princess, whatever makes you feel better."
This was very literally for his benefit. But she didn't mind that so much, "very well. Tomorrow, then."
Gil took the steps backwards, staring at her as he made his way back across the street, "looking forward to it."
#Thenamesh 10 Things AU#the drama!!!#Gil is here to say unhand my princess!#Arishem: ???#Gil really looked at this utter monster of a man#seven feet tall dressed in a black three piece suit in the middle of the day#and said you go to hell sir unhand the girl who refuses to be my girlfriend!#and I love that for him#Sersi here watching like oh my god there's so much going on#but she does go inside and tell Arishem that he has gone too far#that she will never forgive him for handling her sister the way he did#Arishem says something about Thena's mother and Sersi says no I don't wanna hear it#you are dead to me father!!!#Arishem just thinks well teenagers what can you do#also Gil really did offer to let Thena come home with him#boy shows up with Thena like hey gramps this is that girl I'm talking about all the time#Karun here like well...welcome young madame I have a guest room
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ifururiieiwdddyehwjkjr
#/neg#I didn't really. wanna wake up#I mean after yesterday???#hh#I swear between the abusive fuck my bio father was and the simply horrible manipulator w/ main character syndrome my mother's husband is#I prefer to sleep until they leave the house#because oh golly let me guess the day A G A I N they'll either ho out after or before 2PM#Make us order online#then come back and argue#because both of them are idiots but like surprisingly my mother apologizes next time#the old man? no he can say humans are not made of atoms and never learn that's incorrect because#he won't accept that he's wrong#(this happened once)#anyway#don't mind me yapping#slash#venting?#i dunno#uhh#cw venting#venting#tw venting#just incase
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Still thinking abt my nuggets and realized that I never actually posted any of my the art I made of them because I did like two shitty doodles and gave up. I'm not posting the Juliet since it's outdated but take a London Gilbert he's ugly 👍
#keese draws#oc art#lobotomy corporation#he technically has the sound of a star gift in game but its ugly and I didn't want to cover his eyes so I killed it#but yeah london was my 3rd nugget and has long been a staple of my workforce#hes also currently the oldest of my guys being in his late 40 to early 50s#most of them are in their 30s but a few are a smidge younger or a decent bit older#london is also depressed as hell and an absent mother 👍#next time I draw him I need to give him bigger badonkers he needs to breast boobily down the stairs#also I need to get better at drawing his outfit and come up with some way to stylize his suit but thats future me's problem#the bigger issue is going to be drawing juliet again since she has apocalypse bird gear now#oh also it was my birthday earlier so I have aged 👍#Ive been busy all day hanging out with friends and family so I forgot to post abt it here but eh#I amst 21 now. yay.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Now I think Tigerclaw was actually a family man to some extent in this au... I think he genuinely loved Goldenflower and all of their kits together, they were childhood friends, I think he mourned Swiftpaw and Lynxkit's deaths, I think he was overjoyed when Tawnypaw came to ShadowClan because he was glad to know one of his kits would be safe. He cared deeply for his mother and sister and originally doted on his sister's kits before Ravenpaw saw him murder Redtail.
Granted, is he a GOOD dad? ... No not really. He got his own son killed (albeit as collateral damage), Tawnypelt has ptsd from what she witnessed in TigerClan, Bramblestar has a complex, and tbh he just treats Mothwing and Hawkfrost like dogshit. But there's some conflict there, they all have fond memories of him and he tries to appeal to that to get them to join him and conform to his ideology. Tawnypelt has this worst of all because she's now the only living kit who spent the most time with him and saw him at his best and his worst.
He also easily turns on them, his love comes with conditions.
#i like giving villains traits like this. particularly ones who dont seem to get many humanizing aspects in canon#i like humanizing the villains it makes their despicable actions all the more horrifying to me#like... hes a dad. he knows what losing a child is like. he knows the agony of it#and... he still kills gorsepaw in front of his mother. he still believes halfclan kits should be wiped out.#because his hatred is more powerful than that love. love wasnt enough.#also ive been thinking- would he turn on nightdapple and dustpelt to get a higher chance at being deputy?#... nah. the dynasty can be loose at times. thats why bluestar's leader now. no one else was eligible for the position at the time#and dustpelts an inexperienced warrior most of the time and nightdapple just never wanted the position#she was always ''tigerclaw should be deputy when the time comes. hes more passionate than i am. i just want to document things''#oh also he abuses his own nephew. his love is conditional.#i think at first when he mentored him. he was strict and tried to push raven when he could#cause even if thats his nephew. hes got no backbone. that wont do and tigerclaws the tough love type#and raven knows that at the end of the day his uncle cares about him#... and then he sees his uncle kill redtail. and tigerclaw sees his nephew run away#and thats when the silencing attempts start. suddenly the uncle hes known and loved his whole life- his only kin left really-#-is a murderer. and that murderer is now trying to orchestrate his death and he KNOWS it#and hes suddenly so much crueler with him during training and hes becoming more and more isolated from the clan...#aughhhh its fucked up.. tigerclaw is a nasty man#razorverse
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#oh for fucks sake#if i have to listen to my shithead of a mother bitch and whine and moan about me being disabled one more fuckinG time i s2g#she's been going on for 20 mins abt how annoying it is that i had to go lie down for a bit bc i had a migraine and a pain flare up#which meant i guess that she didnt get to make dinner when she wanted to (i told her she could just eat w/o me like who cares)#so now she's on a rampage abt how inconvenient it is to her and how i ruin her schedule and her life all the time etc etc#and when i responded calmly w 'well what would u like me to do- snap my fingers and not be disabled anymore? u TOLD me to go lie down.'#she exploded and is like 'oh noOoo ofc not nothing is ever ur fault u just accidentally do these things'#bitch WHAT THINGS ?????#exist as disabled ??? be in so much pain i spend most of my life these days in bed ??? be unable to function to ur standards ????#do u Hear urself ??#now she's sitting on the couch pouting and fuming like a toddler bc i was in bed for 2 hours instead of 30 mins (bc too much pain to get up)#and throwing a tantrum like that is in any way normal or acceptable behaviour#'u always do this! but nooo u can do w/e u want cant u ?? u dont have to consider others!!'#ma'am...#a) no i dont have to consider others when it comes to taking care of myself and my debilitating illnesses. that's an insane thing to suggest#b) nobody told u u could not do w/e the fuck u wanted while i was out of commission. u just did this to have more to complain abt#c) ah yes bc i 'want' to be bedbound in excruciating pain. that was a choice i made. for funsies. for the bit.#whaT ?????#god someone save me im gonna lose my mind w this shit#not to mention she's also belligerently drunk so like. there's that also. cant have any proper convo bc of it (not that i wanna talk to her)#jesus fUcking chrisT#i gotta get out of here#this woman is so immensely hateful#ya sorry i ruined ur life by being born this way and now ur stuck 'putting up' w me and 'my shit' (<- actual things she has said many times)#fuuuuuck me.#anyway.#negative#ableism#verbal abuse#ask to tag
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
re: my seemingly fringe "I don't think we're meant to think Odin was a dreadful cunt" take, when was Thor 1 actually made? Like... 2010/2011? Because I think Odin is (presumably based on comics canon) meant to be "a bit distant but overall good as a parent" but 2010ish is well after the recent (historically recent, by which I mean since maybe the 1980s) shift in our culture's ideas about fatherhood and what make "a good dad" as well as similarly radical shifts in how we approach disciplining children. MCU!Odin is therefore odd because he's a couple of generations out if he's meant to convince the audience that he's A Good Dad or even an acceptable one. Even the people making the film can't have (all) thought he was any good so with this in mind I'm more open to the idea that Odin is meant to be fairly shit. (But not entirely, and certainly not to the point of him being evil - he's doing his best and arguably the issue isn't him but the culture they've all been born into.)
IDK how old the writer was but there could be an intentional generation-gap thing going on there? An "everyone thinks this is acceptable and even good parenting, but it isn't and everyone involved is getting messed up by it." You don't have to go that far back historically before failing to show regular affection to your kids wouldn't be seen as a significant flaw in a father (whereas it absolutely would be in a mother - v interesting that as the status of women in our society has increased our idea of a good dad has shifted significantly towards an ideal that would previously have been considered "maternal" and thus "unmanly." Oh hey, looks like patriarchy is bad for men too!)
I still think a lot of fanon and fanfic overstates it (which is fine until we're at the point of inventing obviously abusive behaviour and then seemingly forgetting that we made that up), and that Odin is at least meant to be 'doing his best' but yeah Them Thor Films must surely be aware that his best is nowhere near Actually Good, yeah? I mean unless they were written by a man who lives in the 1950s, which they probably weren't. (There is absolutely some generational variation in how far the social change has taken hold but you'd have to look for a long time before you'd find a man of any age who'd say "I really wish my father had been more reserved and had spent less quality time with me" rather than wistfully expressing the opposite of that.)
#that said as recently discussed frigga's characterisation (such as it is) is also quite out-of-date and thus a bit weird#every single thing we know about her comes back to her being a mother to More Important Characters#and nobody seems to have considered this a flaw in the content that they made#anyway i got to this point by realising that there's a now conspicuous lack of childcare professionals in 90s Star Trek so well done me#(most childcare falls to Wife and if Wife is not available then Man may do some in an emergency. but if neither Wife nor Man is available#the alternative is “a friend who isn't working that day” rather than the excellent daycare facilities that don't exist on Deep Space Nine)#generation gap stuff can be fascinating - like how many Boomers will insist that their own parents weren't fucked up by WW2 in any way#“oh but my dad wasn't at all affected by his experiences during the war - i know this because he never talked about any of it”#whereas to my generation that silence on what exactly happened in those years is conspicuous and an obvious sign of trauma#and that sort of thing#thor movies#mcu tag
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've already made a post like this but tomorrow I'm FINALLY getting to a scene I've been wanting to write since, like, early november!!! I literally can't wait!!!!!!
#it's the beginning of the enddddd#guys no u don't get it it's the start of the final arc!#Theo's gonna fess up like “Seth i'm dying”#i mean not like that but basically yeah#and so begins the very last arc before book 1 endssss~~~#god i have so much stuff planned for this arc#i'm gonna introduce the title (finally!)#Seth and Theo are going on a vacation to the plane of the gods#the Goddess of Time is gonna Lose It#she's in her mothering arc#they're gonna go to the big city and have a time that is not particularly fun#Seth's gonna have her on-“screen” birthday soon#maybe i'll introduce her mom??? idk i've been considering that one to see if it sticks#bc it really is a nice scene#everyone confronts their dysfunctional families except the protagonist?? not a chance bestie get your ass in the trauma confrontation wheel#(and Flick is also there. their family isn't particularly dysfunctional tho)#oh yeah fun fact i have an entire back-backstory for Seth before becoming a healer and it will probably never come into play ever#i can tell you about it one day. maybe.#anyway: the tags#writeblr#writing#my wips#devourer of souls wip#ramblies#AAAAAAA!!!!
6 notes
·
View notes