#in the song it’s from his wife’s point of view in his addiction/suicidality. how he’s always running off with ‘reptilian strangers.’

[carefulfears]

thinking about how expectant of her own death scully always was, but how completely struck by shock she was in mulder’s, despite how clear it had always been that he would one day die for the cause. tragedy in the x-files as something you should have been prepared for, but never could be, in scully standing at a funeral, as her mother had stood at her father’s, and barely being able to speak. she should be able to do this? bred to be a war widow, attached to an endless line. but no matter how many times she saw him put that gun to himself, or run off in front of another, she really did believe that he would always come back. she really did believe that there would never be a day where he didn’t just appear in the doorway again.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

JINJER'S TATIANA SHMAYLUK: "I WILL GET REVENGE"

Go inside the Ukrainian metal group's new album 'Wallflowers'

Jinjer has teamed up with Revolver for a limited-edition bundle that includes the band's Summer cover story and a Wallflowers vinyl variant on 180g white wax. It's limited to only 300 copies — pick up yours now.

Tatiana Shmayluk wants revenge from beyond the grave.

As a woman fronting Ukraine's biggest metal band, she deals with endless bullshit. Comments. Snide remarks. Trolls. These dudes — and they are all dudes — might doubt her motivations. They might have something to say about her looks. Her clothes. Her uncompromising attitude. They might even attempt to throw shade on her high-flying vocal acrobatics or ferocious performances. But attempt is the key word here — in any and all cases.

Shmayluk is having none of it. If she can survive an upbringing in war-torn Ukraine, she can survive the haters. If she busted out of Eastern European obscurity to become an international star, the shit-talkers cannot touch her. If she can be held up as a role model by young women around the world, the power clowns cannot clown her.

Besides, there is post-mortem retribution to consider: "When I die, I will get their asses."

She says this with a laugh, perhaps because she understands that most of the people reading this won't believe it. But make no mistake: She means it.

Then again, undead reprisals won't be necessary. As it turns out, revenge is a dish best served with a heaping side of unmitigated success. Shmayluk fronts Jinjer, one of the premiere djent-prog bands on the planet. As of this writing, they have over 250 million cross-platform streams and views. They have nearly half a million monthly listeners on Spotify. Their 2017 live studio performance of "Pisces" — arguably their biggest song — has over 51 million views on YouTube.

Shmayluk and her bandmates — guitarist Roman Ibramkhalilov, bassist Eugene Abdukhanov and drummer Vladislav "Vladi" Ulasevich — somehow manage to combine metalcore, djent, prog, nu-metal and even R&B and reggae into a musical style all their own. Not bad for a group of young musicians from a conflict-ridden corner of the world that most Americans can't even point to on a map.

On the day Shmayluk and Abdukhanov speak with Revolver, Jinjer are in France recording their set for Hellfest's "Hellfest at Home" streaming event, which will replace the beloved annual metal festival — usually held in the sleepy French village of Clisson — with pre-recorded and contact-free sets from some of metal's heaviest and most popular bands. Such is life in what we hope are the waning days of the pandemic.

"Things with the pandemic are way worse in Ukraine than in the United States," Abdukhanov tells us. "Very few people have managed to get vaccinated. We are in line and waiting our turn. And because we haven't had the vaccine, we had to stay in quarantine here in France for seven days. We had to pay for this extra task just to be able to come here. It's a deep pain in the ass."

"In Ukraine, the shops will be open today but closed tomorrow," Shmayluk adds. "It's constantly on and off. But I didn't go sit in restaurants and things like this, anyway. I want to just be at home."

Both Shmayluk and Abdukhanov spent the early days of the COVID outbreak in Los Angeles. Jinjer were in Mexico when the remainder of their Latin American tour was cancelled, so Abdukhanov went to see his pregnant wife. Shmayluk went to visit her boyfriend, Alex Lopez of deathcore troupe Suicide Silence. She stayed for the remainder of her visa. "I was addicted to Amazon," she says. "Every day I ordered something. I got my first DSLR camera and some other photography equipment. Me and Alex got a huge fish tank — the Rolls-Royce of fish tanks. And then another tank. And another tank ..."

"Our American tour was supposed to start in April 2020, and it had not been cancelled yet," Abdukhanov explains. "We didn't know the situation fully, so we thought it might still happen — or part of it, maybe. So, it seemed reasonable to just stay in America. Of course, by the beginning of April the tour was cancelled, and it was clear that this thing would last very long."

The pandemic's enforced downtime did have a creative upside: Jinjer wrote and recorded their new album, Wallflowers. "For the first time in our whole career, we finally had time to write songs, practice them and go to the studio very well prepared," Abdukhanov says. This time around, drummer Ulasevich wrote the bulk of the material. Before he got started, the band collectively decided that they had to branch out from their last album, 2019's Macro.

"We knew for sure that we had to change the sound because we couldn't allow our album to sound the same," Abdukhanov offers. "All of us wanted some-thing new, and we had a very clear picture: We wanted the bass and guitars to be very aggressively distorted. Vlad, as always, had a very clear idea of how to change his drum sound and drum parts. As for the music, we never try to expect something from our new material. We just write music and let it flow. I think this will never change for us."

The result is somehow Jinjer's most aggressive and melancholy album to date. From the anguished, woozy groove of opener "Call Me a Symbol" and the dizzying, caustic metalcore of "Copycat" to the moody seesaw of "Vortex" and the airy, ominous dreamscape of the title track, Wallflowers is next-level Jinjer. "A lot of new elements are on this album," Abdukhanov confirms. "For people who are not familiar with our music, it can be complicated listening. But I think our fans are prepared for it. They got used to expecting what they don't expect."

At first, Shmayluk wanted to call the album As I Boil Ice, after Jinjer's new song of the same name. But the title didn't fit with the floral cover art they had already selected. They added an icicle to the image, but that didn't seem to help the situation. They ultimately decided on Wallflowers, which relates to both the artwork and Shmayluk's lyrics. "When I started writing lyrics, it was January 2021 and I was back in Kiev," she says. "Alex had come to visit, but it was time for him to fly back home to L.A. We had spent a lot of time together and now I had to learn to be alone. I didn't want to do anything socially oriented. I was just walking in circles in my apartment, making a huge hole in the floor."

Shmayluk's self-imposed isolation, underscored by the pandemic, set the stage for a more personal approach to her lyrics. At first, she started writing in Russian. Then she switched to English. "Vortex" was the first song she finished. "It's about a person who overthinks a lot," she explains. "Have you ever experienced that thing where you just cannot escape your thoughts? Your head becomes so heavy, like a ball of lead. It's about to explode. It can lead to depression, basically: You cannot stop, and you fall into it. That's the vortex."

As of this writing, "Vortex" is set to be the album's first single. The band has already filmed a video for the track. Shmayluk hopes the song can provide a kind of temporary support system for those who might need it. "Sometimes songs help me to overcome my emotional issues," she says. "Even with sad songs, they can make you feel you are not the only one who feels this way. It really eases your pain if you can find compassion to heal a sad heart."

Album closer "Mediator" is the result of an online personality test that Shmayluk took at the suggestion of a friend. "I'm always ready to do some psychology and self-analysis," she enthuses. "The result I got was 'mediator,' which has to do with compassionate, sensitive people. I feel this is basically another word for 'introvert' or 'wallflower' — it's all connected."

"But the song is about when I was younger," she adds. "I was an idealist. I wanted to see things as perfect and people as kind. But the reality is harsh. You grow up and you realize you still have a lot to learn — a lot of lessons that can't be taught in school. Life lessons."

The title track directly addresses the album's over-riding theme: Shmayluk's struggles as an introvert. "I've met a lot of people who have no idea what extraversion or introversion is," she says. "I explain it in this song so that hopefully people can relate. Introversion can be a problem for people who think that there's something wrong with them. If you are a wallflower in school, for example, people will mock you and bully you. When you grow up, you will realize you were just born this way."

"Society rejects people like her," Abdukhanov adds. "Society rejects people who stay inside. They think there's something wrong with these people because they are not part of a herd."

"That's true," Shmayluk says. "It's been hard for me to fit in with most people."

Which is probably why she feels so close to her bandmates in Jinjer. "They are my best friends and almost my only friends," she says. "It's really hard for me, as an introvert, to find new friends. Most people want an open book. They want you to just blah-blah-blah all the time. That's how they get information about you. But you have to read me if you want to know me, and most people are too lazy to do that."

"They want everything fast," Abdukhanov adds. "We live in a consumer society, and people are consumers even in relationships. In a way, you could say this album is like a manual for dealing with introverts."

"If you are patient with an introvert, you will discover the treasure," Shmayluk says. "You will have a friend for life. I think it takes a year or two to get to know me, and then dude ... you cannot shut me up!"

Abdukhanov knows Shmayluk better than most. They've been in Jinjer together for a decade. "Over the last 10 years, I think I saw her and talked to her more than anyone else," he says. "Because we're constantly on tour. We went through the nine circles of hell together. We played small clubs with only 10 people in front of us, and now we play huge stages for thousands of people around the world. This journey made us a family."

Of course, the haters are still out there. Lurking. Judging. Commenting. "I try not to read comments, but sometimes it is impossible not to see anything," Abdukhanov says. "I helped to manage some of our social media, and I cannot help but see some exchanges. But it doesn't hurt me much, fortunately."

"We are strong," Shmayluk says. "And I will get revenge."

[veinereastath]

Far Cry: New Dawn was a disaster, and here’s why.

Okay, just to be clear - this is my personal opinion, not pure, cold facts that I’m trying to push down people’s throats. I just felt the sudden urge to break down piece by piece my utter hatred towards this game. So, let’s go. What exactly went wrong with it, and why Far Cry 5 was way better? I will try to present my ramblings and point of view by putting both of these games side by side. So, when reading every sentence in this... thing, add in your head a “it’s vei’s opinion” bit to avoid misunderstandings. Thanks in advance! First thing, to make everything clear - Far Cry 5 was not a perfect game. No, actually, it was far from so; there are many games much better plot-wise, with more entertaining gameplay, bigger world, more interesting side quests and so on. But, one thing for sure, this game has a spirit, an unique aura that makes many people want to come back to it and replay it over and over. The way Ubisoft portrayed Hope County is absolutely fantastic - the music, the landscapes, the characters. It was something new, something fresh, and despite quite a lot sceptical voices when the first trailers came out, it turned out really well, and in general, people really liked this game, or loved it even. Yeah, some people hate the endings, the fact that every single one of them is bad one way or the other and that you can’t basically win (I always thought this was fantastic, because, hey, you can’t be a perfect hero every time - even so, I love how this game, Seeds especially, mock the “hero attitude” that protagonist tries to have). But even so, Far Cry 5 was mostly a success, right? And the canon ending when the nukes get dropped seemed to leave a perfect opportunity for a sequel. So, what could go wrong? Well, about that...

1. How long is this game? New Dawn is short. It’s fucking short, because I installed it right after it became available (fun fact, this was the first and the last game I ever pre-ordered, so imagine how excited I must’ve been), and started playing it as soon as I could. In my case, it was around 2-3 am. I had a break then, woke up at 7 am and continued playing. I was playing it slowly - completing the side quests, because I wanted to know what has changed in Hope County, and, of course, I was looking for some easter eggs regarding the Seeds (surprised pikachu - there weren’t any, Old Compound, John’s bunker and Ranch are too obvious).  Took me around 5 hours to move on and actually start playing the main story. I was pretty sure that it will take me at least 10-15 hours to complete it (why was I thinking so, don’t ask me, I guess I still have way too high expectations after what Witcher 3 expansions have shown me). Again, surprised pikachu! I finished the whole game in 16 hours. Sixteen. Including liberating all the outposts (1 star in each, didn’t bother to get 3) and finish all side-missions + driving around the County just to look around. The hell? And it wasn’t a DLC? Just for a little comparison, because, yes, FC5 can also be completed pretty damn fast if you rush it, but my 1st playthrough of it, with all the quests and admiring the landscapes took me 33 hours. Which leads us to the next point on this god forsaken list, and that is... 2. The map.

The next reason why I am shocked this game wasn’t a DLC - the heckitty hecck they did with the map in New Dawn. Radiation zones? Sign me the hell up, they make sense, are cool and stuff, but adding them just so you could bite off half of the original map is stupid, and extremely lazy thing to do. Okay, you can take off some parts, but if you’re doing so, add something new - some new paths, caves, mountain routes, something. And no, expeditions don’t count. To make it worse, the parts that were deleted were one of the best parts of the FC5 storyline. Faith’s Gate, Drubman’s Marina, Jacob’s Armory, Wolf’s Den, and the fucking Veteran’s Center. The opportunity to make this a haunted location with an entertaining quest in it was HUGE and it was absolutely wasted. It’s not like they couldn’t done it, we’ve got the mission in old Joseph’s statue, and the crocodile pikachu in Inquisitor’s Grave (which, by the way, shouldn’t actually exist - this bunker was blown up to pieces, but it seemed pretty decent in New Dawn, there are barely any sings of explosions, not to mention that “The Confession” room is untouched!). You bought this game with an intention to actually go back in time and find out about something that FC5 didn’t tell you? Kekus maximus, you don’t. Have some photographs instead (which are a nice addition, but seem lazy). To give this post even more personal hatred - I really don’t like the Henbane River region, so you could literally hear my heart breaking when I saw that we got 50% of the River, 80% of the Valley and 10% of the Whitetails, which were my absolute favorite. So fun!

3. The Villains. I must admit, in the trailers, back when the hype for this game was insane, Mickey and Lou seemed to be quite interesting. Even though back then it was obvious that Highwaymen won’t have that kind of depth that Eden’s Gate had, it was still something I was looking forward to, even though those vibes aren’t really my cup of tea; but most of my excitement was born from my love for Far Cry 5, so if course I had to try out the sequel. So yes, the trailers were quite nice (just not the live action one - that was a fucking disaster, and killed my hype for a few days afterwards).

Mickey and Lou were quite fun, but to little extent, sadly. I liked their sister-sister dynamics, they really seemed close, and it was nice that shey were so different from each other - Mickey was more calculating, while Lou was living for the action and brutality in itself. The Highwaymen as a faction in itself wasn’t really that great for me, because their only purpose was to cause mayhem, and I simply don’t like something like this. But the sisters were something different, right? No, they weren’t, and that’s the point. I felt like there was little to no depth in their actions - it was all for fun, and I find this just boring and pointless (pr maybe I’m the boring one). I know that this is often how the world works - people take and destroy simply because they can and because it’s considered cool. We suck as a species, that’s official and well known, but I expected something more entertaining from a videogame. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I did. And Mickey and Lou were literally Highwaymen members with a VIP crown above their heads and nothing more. They left their mother? Okay, that is something that could lead to other interesting things. They killed their father for power? Huh, alright, I can work with that. The point is, it didn’t give them that much depth, their main purpose was to plunder everything. Which would be all good and nice if they were some kind of a side-faction. But this was The Villains™, and I wanted to feel something more towards them. And to be honest? I didn’t even hate them. I felt absolutely nothing, they just existed and I didn’t care, because they didn’t make this game interesting. What I will say now may sound brutal, but I will say it: I don’t consider two young people (they were around 19/20) just wanting to blow everything up “for lulz” a good villains. I fucking don’t. It was a huge downfall after what FC5 has given to us. I was just so bored when fighting the Highwaymen, because they were shallow, and their personalities were only focused on one thing. 

Of course, there is also Ethan. Yes, I hate him (he even has a very punchable face, what a coincidence!), but I admit he was somehow a nice touch in this game. Yes, he was a prideful, irritating kid, but while I was just utterly bored by the Twins, Ethan actually managed to make me hate him. The only thing that I’m quite bothered by is that I don’t believe that he’s actual, biological son of Joseph. To put it shortly, and say it louder for the people in the back - The Twins were just meh. Boring. How was the situation in FC5 better? Oh boy.

Putting their obvious... Attractive physical appearance aside, and focusing purely on their personalities, because that’s what I’m trying to explain - they were something else, and something new. Ubisoft took a risk with creating four villains for a single game, because it’s extremely hard to give each one of them the screentime they deserve, and make them interesting and unique. Did FC5 succeed? In a way, yes. I’m not saying that Seeds are absolutely perfect villains (they aren’t), but they can eat Twins for breakfast and still stay hungry. To show you what I mean, have some short descriptions: JOSEPH: Cult Leader, “The Father”, a person who claims to hear the voice of God himself. Someone from a broken family and difficult life, who was in prison (according to song dedicated to him), lost one job after another, lost his wife, killed his daughter, and then formed a religious cult. JACOB: military veteran suffering from PTSD, with a massive knowledge about history and psychology, someone who literally brainwashed nearly half, if not more of the County, and manages to combine religion (something he clearly isn’t really fond of) and personal, darwinistic look on life. JOHN: former lawyer, a person skilled in adapting to any environment, charismatic manipulator abused as a kid, forced to spend most of his life pretending to be someone he hated to be, battled with addictions, emotionally unstable and with sadistic outburts. FAITH: young woman devoid of purpose in life, also battling with addictions in the past, probably on the verge of suicide at some point, who was manipulated (and quite possibly drugged) in order to comply; a broken girl hiding her pain behind lovely smiles. Sounds pretty diverse, right? And I bet that at least one member of this family was somehow entertaining for everyone. Now, here’s what New Dawn has given to us: MICKEY: the more calculating sister; young girl who followed her father and chose brutal life, creating entertainment for herself by making others suffer. Shows some kind of regret when you defeat her by the end of the game. LOU: the more brutal sister; young girl who followed her father and chose brutal life, creating entertainment for herself by making others suffer. Doesn’t show any regrets towards her actions.

And honestly, that’s it. I really tried to write something more for the Twins, but I couldn’t put my finger on anything. That’s all we know. And yes, I know that there is a major difference between them and the Seeds, which is the age gap - FC5 villains are simply older and have more life experience, but honestly, this doesn’t make it better. Mickey and Lou could have much more depth and be far more interesting despite them being young. Age is not a problem in such a case. I suggest to compare Mickey and Lou’s descriptions with the Faith one, since she’s just few years older. There is a difference, isn’t it? And even when playing both of these games, the Seeds just seem to be better developed than the Twins. Ubisoft did something weird, because they managed to focus on four villains and make each one of them interesting in their own way, but made just two main villains flat, and nearly identical. 4. Radio calls. This is a continuation of the point above, because it’s also something I wanted to point out and is connected to the villains of both games. The things you can hear directly from The Twins can be mostly described as “hey rabbit, you’re pissing us off a bit”. Same with the things they say at outposts and direct them to the Highwaymen - it’s always about the same thing, and there isn’t a single line that I found interesting or worth remembering (okay, my bad, the fact that Mickey and Lou seemed to be dissapointed after Nana chose to stick with the Captain rather than them was a nice touch). Meanwhile, I can recite most of the dialogue lines from the Seeds from my memory, and it’s something I could do after 2 playthroughs. They seem to be on a whole different level - and yes, it is true that to some point, the “rabbits” thing is similar to “the weak” theme of Jacob, or “the sinners” in case of John, but it didn’t seem to be that much tiring to hear about. Faith’s radio calls were interesting, because with each one of them you could hear her demeanor towards the Deputy changing - in the beginning, she was friendly, but after you destroyed Joseph’s statue, she was scared, and at the final confrontation - maliciously hostile. Jacob started his radio calls history with a threat towards you, and kind off keeps that all the time, but the closer you get to the final meeting with him, the more... Okay, how the fuck do I describe it in a non-thot way amused (I guess we can call it this way?) he sounded. He was still far from friendly, you still didn’t have any doubts he’s your enemy, but there was something in those radio calls, something that suggested he actually sees the Deputy as something more than just enemy, as a tool he crafted all by himself and he was proud of it. John welcomes you with this cheesy ad at the beginning of the game, and as time goes on, he goes even more obsessed with making you atone and confess; not to mention his absolutely fantastic reactions to stealing his house and destroying his sign. His calls are something unpredictable, because once he’s all official and charismatic, but suddenly he switches to this ominous mode that actually makes you want stop for a bit and look around you, as if he was lurking somewhere. To sum it up, this game made you feel like if you were actually developing some kind of a relationship with each one of the family member. But the radio calls from the Twins seem to be always the same, it’s all about “rabbits” and “problem solving”. Yes, it might've been better if only one sister was all about it, and the other one had something else on her mind, but making them nearly identical was a lazy move.  5. Landscapes.

Far Cry 5 was amazing, because every region was different and had something else to offer. Henbane River was full of Bliss, which created weird hallucinations, Faith dancing around you was also pretty interesting addition, and The Pilgrimage was also a nice touch (I recommend going with it, it’s a really nice experience, actually). Holland Valley was the pure definition of Montana countryside, and it felt fantastic to walk around and see those little farms, cows, windmills and so on. Whitetail Mountains were also something unique, with less open spaces, a huge amount of wildlife, combining massive mountains with deep forests. And even though the colors of this game could be simply described as beige-green, I didn’t really feel bored when wandering around. New Dawn had a cool concept, actually - makind the post-apocalyptic world colorful, instead of making it a grey wasteland was something new and I was excited. And, honestly, I really liked how it all looked like during the first 2 hours of playthrough. After that... I was just so done. The pink colour in itself wasn’t bad, really, but the way they added it everywhere made me feel sick. Those flowers were nearly everywhere and they were always the same. And while I love screenshoting landscapes in games, New Dawn didn’t really felt like something I wanted to spend time on. I like to admire the views of FC5, but not in ND. Combining the small as hell map with nearly the same flowers on your every step was a bad solution. 6. Other. To mention other things - well, I guess we could mention the music, but I feel it isn’t fair, actually. Both games did this well in some way, FC5 songs are certainly something unforgettable, and I mean both the cult ones as well as the OST. New Dawn did what it could - gave Highwaymen music that fits them. The OST, however, isn’t that good. Maybe because it just doesn’t feel unique to me, while the different type of music in each region in FC5 is, for me, unforgettable in many ways.  I won’t really talk about The Deputy >> The Judge metamorphosis, because everyone sees it in a different way. I personally don’t consider it as a bad thing, it’s quite a nice plot twist, and I like it (even though I went with a totally different path with my deputy OC).

Okay, I think it’s time to get to the main point. Why I consider New Dawn as a disaster? The Villains were devoid of any depth and felt exactly the same, the map was small as hell, the story was way too short (and these two things should be enough to make this game a DLC, not an actual installment of the franchise), the landscapes were repetitive, 90% of what was left from FC5 (locations, for example) didn’t get a chance to shine. Just imagine how much more entertaining this game could be if we would find some old recording of the Eden’s Gate songs somewhere. If there were mentions of some terryfingly huge wolves roaming around, if the members of Prosperity actually mentioned something about John Seed (which house they are living in!), if we could visit the remnants of the Faith’s Gate, hear the ominous “Only You” when approaching the Veteran’s Center and read some old notes about experiments that were happening in there, and so on. Basically, the main opportunity that got wasted was focusing on continuating FC5 legacy in a more respectful way. The things I mentioned above seem like small details, but they really could make the experience something else entirely. So, yeah. I hate New Dawn, in case someone didn’t notice. :)

[farday-spark]

Season 15 "Carry On” was not as powerful as “Swan Song” Season 5.

In seasons 1- 5 Dean’s fundamental driving foundation is “protect Sam.”

Dean is family oriented and loyal.

He has always wanted a family, whether it was with Sam & John, Sam & Bobby or Lisa & Ben. In his djinn world, his mom, Jessica, Sam and his “girlfriend” Carmen are there. He prioritizes spending time with them and is excited to have dinner together. 

His flaws are low self esteem, self-sacrificial, bossy, controlling, inability to let go and lacking in empathy to understand different perspectives. His inability to save people drives him to despair, rage and prone to suicidal behavior.  In seasons 1-5 he rarely acts in anger unless a loved one is threatened or hurt.  

Sam in contrast to Dean is ideal oriented, academic and self determinate.

He aspires to be a lawyer and live a “safe” “normal” life. 

His flaws are arrogance, anger, revenge and prioritizing himself over family. 

His failure to prioritize Jessica and warn her about his visions leads to her death. Sam running away to Flagstaff and off to Stanford has harmful consequences to his brother Dean. To the point where Dean wasn’t sure what he was going to do if Sam told him to leave in the Pilot episode. Implying Dean was unstable possibly suicidal. Worse he thought Sam didn’t care about him. 

The ending of Swan is perfect because it deals with their fundamental character flaws. Dean’s flaws drive Sam’s flaws. 

Dean has to let go of Sam to save the world. He has to learn to view Sam as the adult he is because if he does that he can let Sam make his own choices. Part of Sam’s flaws result from Dean not giving him freedom of choice. Sam therefore acts on his own whether by leaving Dean, drinking demon blood or not mentioning his visions. 

By letting go of Sam, by letting go of his control, Dean is learning to live without Sam. He is learning to become a more selfish person and how to be independent. He is rewarded with Sam’s blessing to go form a family with Lisa and Ben. He still has self-esteem issues but learns to live without Sam. Given time without Sam coming back I think he would of gone down the route of Sam’s family storyline in “Carry On.”

Sam’s character flaws lead him down a dark path and almost cost him Dean and Bobby and results in the breaking of the final seal. Sam amends his actions by learning to control his addiction, learning to work with Dean and controlling his anger. 

Dean finally getting the family he always wanted and retiring from a life of hunting in which he was “barely holding it together” is a reward for his sacrifices over the years.

Sam grows as a person by moving past himself and finally gains the recognition from Dean that he always wanted. While not a happy ending for Sam it is one where he grew into his ending.

The issue with the way “Carry On” ends is that at this point neither Dean nor Sam believe they can have traditional families and live normal lives. Both have tried and failed multiple times with friendships and romances. 

Dean had to give up Lisa and Ben to keep them safe. He’s watched Castiel, Jack and Sam die multiple times. We learned that on top of giving up his love interest Cassie(S1), he had to give up his childhood romance Robin(S8). He killed his friend Benny to save Sam. As long as Sam is alive Dean will always chose Sam.  

Sam has a similar experience to Dean. Losing both Jessica and Madison.  He also chooses Dean over Amelia much like Dean chose Sam over Lisa. Dean asks Sam if he would ever consider settling down with a hunter. Sam says he hasn’t really thought about it. It also would be hard to consider for him as he loses Eileen. In Season 9 Sam tells Charlie that he used to think that he would go back to his old life, to law school. However he has accepted this is his life now. He doesn’t want to do it without Dean. 

When John Winchester is disappointed that both are still hunting and without traditional families Dean expresses that he’s happy with their found family. I think both Winchesters also recognize their family is always in flux due the nature of being a hunter.

At this point in the story Sam and Dean have repeatedly chosen each other over others.  When Jack seems to be in control of his powers they both contemplate going straight to retirement. They only express going out with a bang whenever a big bad is put in front of them. 

That’s what makes Sam’s end storyline confusing at this point he pretty much settled on die hunting or retire with Dean.  He has never expressed wanting kids or a wife in the way that Dean has. Sam mostly wanted safety and to put down roots. If they wanted to set Sam up for this storyline they should of given Jack a more central role in Sam’s story. Where Sam would be set up to be more fatherly towards Jack and expressing hopes to have kids one day.  Rather than him having a few meaningful conversations with Jack. Give them more bonding time. Or he could of built a relationship with Eileen in which creating a family could of been mentioned. It was quite out of the blue. Particularly since he appeared to have given up on those dreams with Amelia in season 7 and dedicated himself to hunting. Rather I would picture Sam without Dean as an academic being more likely to rebuild the Men of Letters to carry on the Winchester’s legacy.  Or leading and organizing Hunters like Bobby did prior. 

If Dean lost Sam and was told to keep fighting I think he would be the one to create a family.  Dean always wanted a family and has demonstrated an ability to be great with kids. Dean only believed his fate to die young because it’s what he saw happening to other hunters. His wish to go down swinging was always tied to how hopeless he felt. This sentiment was  strongest when he still had the Mark of Cain.  His anger and drive to hunt were driven by the need to protect people from ending up with the same fate as his family. Also being put through Chuck’s multiple storylines he lost hope of ever finding a normal as a new big bad always appeared. 

At the end his adoption of a dog into the bunker and a messy room show him enjoying his life. He’s not acting like a desperate unhappy man anymore.  He was willing to sacrifice Jack so him and Sam would be free. Dean is typically the first one to jump at the self-sacrifice so letting Jack sacrifice himself is a big indicator of how much Dean wanted to be free. Him dying early was not a fitting end. Even worse they revert his character progress by saying to Sam you’re stronger than me and indicating he wouldn’t know how to live without Sam if the roles were reversed. Even when he does figure out how to live without Sam at the end of season 5 or in purgatory with Cas. 

In either case the implication of him dying on a rod is sad. It implies that without Chuck’s protection the Winchesters are not as good of hunters as we thought they were. 

The ending itself is not bad, but I wish their approach to it had been built up over the season rather than a setup in the final episode. As it stood Dean and Sam had both been resolved to not ever being able to achieve normal. 

Sam didn't have a deep yearning for a family that was finally filled. He no longer felt a pull to a normal life. His character flaws from Season 5 were resolved and few new ones were introduced or were long lasting. Sam was already his best self.

Dean died with self-esteem issues, an inability to live without Sam. His anger issues were introduced season 9 yet never resolved. The closet we come is to Dean saying he's not a killer to Chuck. If anything this episode regressed his character by giving him the death Mark of Cain Dean or Michael!Dean would of wanted. Not the one a Dean 15 would of wanted.

[questforpants]

Okay, y’all are sleeping on The Magicians

No, the show is not queerbaiting, but please note that it shouldn’t be advertised as a queer show, but a SHOW with main canon queer characters who just are

Yes, the show could do better with representation, but the show is doing a hell of a lot better than most mainstream shows 

YES THIS SHOW HAS FLAWS ! But what show doesn’t? The show is trying its best and seems to listen to fans and make sure to do their research 

Some of these points are show specific and others are book specific 

CHARACTER WISE ? We got queer characters and actors, disabled actors, actors/actresses of color as main cast ! 

MAIN / A bisexual man with depression that isn’t cured by love or discovering magic 

as played by jason ralph

MAIN / A Native American woman who is suffering ptsd because of sexual assault and is never belittled for this 

as played by stella maeve 

MAIN / A woman who is allowed to be intelligent and sexy at the same time, as well as being selfish when she needs to 

as played by olivia dudley

MAIN / A gay man who suffers from alcoholism and drug addiction that isn’t treated like a joke 

as played by queer actor ; hale appleman 

MAIN / An Indian-American man who calls out racism, homophobia and sexism, and supports the women in his life 

as played by arjun gupta

MAIN / A Mexican-Indian-American woman who starts off as a party girl and becomes a great ruler who is allowed to be a bitch

who is also canonly bisexual 

as played by summer bishil

MAIN / A Native American-Israeli woman who is both mean and compassionate and these traits are able to coexist

as played by jade tailor

REOCCURRING / A black man who is blinded but still retains his position of power and badassery

 as played by rick worthy 

REOCCURRING / A woman who seemed like she was being brought in as a plot device but became a fleshed-out character with a storyline outside of her husband

as played by brittany curran

RECURRING / A deaf character played by a deaf actress who is powerful and her deafness isn‘t just a plot device

she signs with other characters ! 

two other characters sign to her !

scenes with sign language as dialogue are captioned and there is no audio at all !

while she does “die” there is a plot line to bring her back and she is now back

as played by deaf actress ; marlee matlin

RECURRING / A trans actress portraying a character who started as a villain and became an incredibly complex anti-hero

as played by trans actress ; candis cayne

the character is a queen by the way, who sacrifices herself for her people ! she sees her people ( the fairies ) being mistreated and chooses to save them with her life

she ends up helping our main cast in the end

while she does die it has nothing to do with being trans

MAIN / The character Josh Hoberman is jewish 

the books confirm he is jewish and fat

as played by trevor einhorn

RECURRING / A woman who was originally killed off is revived as a character and given a girlfriend who is now just going to live her best life with her future wife !

as played by kacey rohl

Villains who are pervs and rapists and paedophiles and never shown as redeemable ! 

so that is 5 canonly queer characters in the show

while the terms, gay / lesbian / bisexual / trans ae never used in dialogue in the show, it is not necessarily a bad thing since this isn’t a show about being queer or coming out, it’s about a fucked up world with magic and the characters who exist in it happen to be queer

we have a lot of sexual fluidity

all relationships in the show have value and get fleshed out ! romantic relationships do not overpower the show, the show ultimately shows that platonic relationships and family and friendships are just as important !

we got straight up platonic soulmates who kiss but aren’t necessarily a couple

did i mention we have polyarmory? and it’s usually mentioned and treated as something realistic 

the ruler of a magical kingdom can have a husband and a wife

there’s an episode with a literal poly family, like one character falls in love with a woman AND a man and the three of them raise a child together

instead of bury your gay ! we have revive a gay ! give her a girlfriend she’s gonna marry !

queer subtext from the book is made into actual text and canon in the show

confirmed by the cast and writers !

women can be kings ! men can be queens !

the show has writers / guest writers who come onto the show and write an episode ! one of the guest writers is a queer woman in a w|w relationship / alex ritter

the cast is all geniunely invested in their characters and their realtionships are very open to exploring character dynamics and new relationships and most seem to view their characters as not straight / are open to a queer relationship for their character / acknowledge queer ships !

WE HAVE MUSICIAL EPISODES each season that make sense ! liek the musical numbers actually happen in canon ! they straight up actually break out into song and know they are doing it and there is an explanation for why ! we got a number to one day more from les mis and under pressure so far

MAGIC BITCHES !

every single character is interesting ! and you actually see how characters grow and change based on circumstances !

the most realistic portrayal of nerds 

characters are canonly mentally ill ! confirmed by dialogue in the show ! these characters don’t forget and will mention this character’s depression and it’s diagnosed depression 

the show does not shy away from trauma and trigger themes, but they do their best to portray it in an accurate light and make sure not to treat it as a joke or belittle their characters for it ; we have touch on suicide, depression, rape, sexual assault, child sexual assault, alcoholism, drug addiction, other mental illnesses, bullying, trauma, ptsd, self hate !

the cast and writers love each other ! they are all beautiful and they love each other ! 

the disabled character is played a disabled actress ! 

sera gamble coming for us all 

[grimelords]

I’ve finished my September playlist, only almost a month later. It’s got everything, The Weeknd, desert psychedelica from Niger, and Australian yodelling from 1941. What more could you want!

listen here

and if you’re interested, sign up for my tinyletter to get these playlists delivered to your inbox here

XO / The Host / Initiation - The Weeknd: First of all Trilogy is a masterpiece. The Weeknd is a legend forever for this alone. Back when he was an anonymous character and before he tried to pivot to being a proper pop star and started beliving his own bullshit. This trio of songs for me is one of the highlights of the whole thing because this is where things really take a turn and it serves as a nice flipside to earlier songs like Glass Table Girls (even quoting some of the lyrics from it in a very cool reprise). Where most of the songs from House Of Balloons are about his own descent into this hedonistic life, by the time you get to Echoes Of Silence he lives there comfortably, and he's turned from cool,  dark and tormented to coldly evil and calculating. He's the master of the dark palace and he's drawing this woman in. The chorus of XO is straight up cult language 'all we ever do is love, open up your mind you can find the love'. She's broke and addicted trying to escape her life and he offers her this community. Which is where Initation comes in and things get really dark. This song feels like the real truth of those stories you hear of Drake flying instagram models around and it's a masterpiece of the dark underside of the drugs money and models bragging you're used to.

Sociopath (feat. Kash Doll) - Pusha T: Get a load of this new Pusha song where he's got Rodney Dangerfield ghostwriting for him. I got a bitch that'll master your card.. my wife ova hea!! Also the funny gritted teeth way he says it cracks me up. He also says boop bop be boop bop. There's so many good moments in this very silly song from a man that is normally terrifyingly serious.

Ice Cream - Muscles: I suddenly remembered this song the other day and I'm so glad I did. A good example of how you can get so much feeling out of music that has no relation at all to the lyrics. In the right mood this song makes me so emotional and I can't even pin down why. The way he sings 'ice cream is going to save the day' somehow just makes the urban alienation of the verse even more pointed. It's such a silly little dance song and that's what's so strong about it. It's dancing at night and unsuccessfully trying to forget what happened today.

Running - Gil Scott Heron & Jamie xx: It’s extremely strange that this remix album ever happened, thinking back on it. Stranger still that a Gil Scott Heron song got remixed by Jamie xx and then remixed again by 40 and turned into a Drake song in I’ll Take Care Of U and all three versions rock. Anyway, this song and this whole album remain fantastic - it still sounds futuristic in a way where nobody else really followed Jamie’s sound, everything else went a different direction so this an In Colour feel more and more unique to me as time goes on.

Boyfriend (Repeat) - Confidence Man: I’m in love with this album. It’s the closest I’ve found so far to the level of absolute fun in dance music since Duck Sauce’s album. I love the the attitude of her lyrics, which carries through the whole album. I love when her Australian accent peeks out for a second on a few words. I love his rebuttals that almost but not quite put it over the edge into a comedy song. I love the big fading out leadup to the drop near the end where a huge throat singing drone just swallows the whole song for a second.

Ever Again (Soulwax Remix) - Robyn: Extremely hot remix alert!! Thankyou to Zan Rowe's Monthly Mixtape playlist for putting my onto this.Sometimes all you need is one ferociously hot bassline to make a life complete.

$50 Million - !!!: !!!’s new album has one of the best covers I’ve seen recently, I advise you to check it out. It’s interesting to be so far into your career (this is their 8th album since 2001) and still be writing songs about selling out, a concept which has largely disappeared from music discourse since musicians started making no money post napster. I vaguely remember the turning point being when Kimya Dawson, after blowing up via the Juno soundtrack, turned down a coke ad for a ludicrous amount and the blogosphere at the time turned on her and said she should have taken the money because she was living in a van at the time. Nobody gives a fuck about selling out anymore because bands make more from tshirts than streams so you’ve got to act like a brand just to make a living. Anyway I’ve gotten off track. This song rocks, especially for the breakdown near the end.

Tipped Hat - The Paper Scissors: A song I haven’t heard in over ten years that suddenly popped into my head the other day. I love the way this guy’s voice sounds, just completely committing to sounding like a hand puppet. I’ve been playing bass a lot more recently and so have developed the worst man habit of becoming more sensitive to and pointing out extremely hot basslines to people, so I’d be derelict in my duty to not share this one.

Heimsdalgate Like A Promethian Curse - of Montreal: I love this song about literally pleading with your brain to come good. Here’s a good quote about this album “I went through this chemical depression, and that's when I was writing a lot of the songs for Hissing Fauna. They're all songs about that experience. And I was experiencing it in the moment that I was writing the songs, and sort of asking myself: What the hell is going on? Why are you all of a sudden totally paranoid and plagued by these anxieties? And why is everything so distorted and confusing and fucked up? My lifestyle hadn't changed that much. And then I realized, well, there's something going on inside of me that I don't have control over, and then you realize how vulnerable you are to these things, these elements that you can't understand, or unless you go on medication and get it under control. It's like you're being betrayed by your body.” Something I really admire about this album is that the lyrics reflect black metal levels of mental anguish, he was absolutely going through it the worst anyone can go through it “I'd gotten to that point where nothing was working. I was borderline suicidal, and my relationship with my girlfriend had totally eroded and she'd gone back to Norway with our daughter and everything was totally fucked, and I was just like, What can I do? "The Past Is a Grotesque Animal" is about that.” But the music is one hundred percent committedly twee and I really admire the effect that that split mood gives. “The lyrics tell the story of what was really going on and the music sort of represents this other emotion that I wish existed. The music was really happy because I wanted to make something that would lift my spirits.”

Jesus Rabbit - Guerilla Toss: I love the wobbly weird bass sound in this weirdo UFO cult song. I love the bleepy bloop melody that runs through it and I love how fundamentally unstable the whole song sounds, like it’s made out of paperclips and foil and papier mache.

Suburbia - Press Club: I can’t believe I didn’t know about Press Club for so long. I only found out about them this performance https://youtu.be/bCmtc-T5Unk which I’m shocked to learn has less than 5k views considering it’s one of the very best TV performances I’ve ever seen.

Come For Me - Sunflower Bean: I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about this song before and I’m probably going to say the exact same thing but who cares! This song fuckin rocks. I love how assured it is, like “if you’re gonna fuck me then stop fucking around and fuck me already.” It also feels so musically similar to I Can Hardly Make You Mine by Cults to me, which is a great excuse for me to listen to that song every single time I listen to this song.

Thousands - Club Night: This Club Night album is really really good. It's like a really nice middleground between midwest emo and Cymbals Eat Guitars. The way this song blows up halfway through with 'what if we want it!!' is so good. This whole band feels like they're from 2009 but in a good way, the tail end of indie and twee with these prog or postrock structures where the songs just go and go, and you can just get completely lost in it.

Cemetary - Brutus: The first thing you've got to know about Brutus is the drummer is also the singer. Normally who plays what is not really important but in this case I think it's very important because it makes the drums a lead instrument more than they normally would be. When she's not singing my focus is still on the drums because they're linked and I absolutely love it. This song is great and every song I've heard of theirs is just as good, I love Brutus and they're one of the best new bands I've found recently. Someone in the youtube comments said 'there's something really special about hearing a song for the first time and just knowing you're going to listen to it hundreds of times in your life.'

Enter By The Narrow Gates / Spirit Narrative - Circle Takes The Square: I think that I think of Circle Takes The Square as a household name just because they have such an outsized importance in my own life when they're definitely not at all. They're legendary for making The screamo (good kind) album in As The Roots Undo and then taking 8 years to make a followup, which is this album Decompositions, but I don't really know if they're well known outside of like, people who have opinions about what were the hottest music blogspots in 2010. I chose both of these because you can't really have one without the other, the whole album basically runs as one long piece of music and so this just kind of jarringly ends at the end of Spirit Narrative, sorry about that please listen to the entire album. Because of the status As The Roots Undo enjoys I feel like this album was kind of ignored, or overshadowed by the reputation it was trying to live up to, almost exactly like The Avalanches with Since I Left You and Wildflower, when just like Wildflower it's a more expansive, developed take on the original sound that trades some of the rawness for a more polished and considered approach and comes out arguably better than the orginal. I feel like I have so much to say about this album but I don't really know where to begin, just listen to it.

Vitrification Of Blood (Pt. 1) - Blood Incantation: I am by no means a metal scholar, but I know that when the word 'blood' is in both the song title AND the band name that means it's good metal. I love this song, and this whole album is great. It's very 'classic' death metal but there's touches (beyond the extreme length) of psychedelica as well that puts it on another level you can just get lost in. The way the guitar goes to space at 3:40, and again properly into orbit at 6:50 is just magical. The more I listen to this band the more I understand those guys who only listen to metal, there's a whole ecosystem in here and it's really got everything you need.

Out Of Line - Gesaffelstein: This whole song is basically intended as an intro for Pursuit on the album but it’s so powerful just on its own. I love imbuing weirdo lyrics like ‘a bitter sunken love in a bleach blonde submarine’ with such ominous power through the commanding delivery. I love the way the big grunting vocals on the offbeat build to sound like a summoning ritual. I love making a big processed bell the centrepiece of your extremely evil sounding song. It’s sort of a shame that Gessaffelstein has never really gone back to the vision of his first album and has spent his time since diluting it down for guest production on Weeknd songs and the like because it feels like there’s still so much more to get out of this sound. That he hasn’t gone back and dug deeper makes Aleph stand out more and more as a singular masterpiece as time goes on.  

Kamane Tarhanin - Mdou Moctar: Turning to Mdou Moctar after the new Tinariwen album kind of disappointed me, with all it’s big name guests nothing really hit me. I love this song though and I think a big part of it is the sort of loping, 6/4 rhythm that combined with the drone gives it this feeling of endlessly tumbling over itself in place, especially as the guitar heats up.

Achabiba - Fatou Seidi Ghali: I know very little about Fatou Seidi Ghali except that I saw she was supporting Sarah Louise at a show. From some googling it turns out that she’s the leader of a Nigerois band called Les Filles de Illeghadad who you can probably look forward to seeing on next month’s playlist. I also learned that the demonym for someone from Niger is Nigerien or to minimise confusion with Nigeria, Nigerois (said in a french way). They play a sort of desert psych in the realm of Mdou Mocter or Tinariwen, but this song (also the only solo song she has on spotify) shows her acoustic side. I love the swirling melody over the drone as the hand percussion keeps it in place and I love the very delicate vocals, but a probably unintentional thing I love a lot about this recording is the unmistakable iphone locking sound near the very start that instantly removes so much of the mystic exoticism that these sorts of artists are often written about with and places it firmly in the same sprawling modern world we all live in.

Floating Rhododendron - Sarah Louise: I love Sarah Louise. She’s a phenomenal guitarist and has such a big love for traditional folk music with her side project House And Land, but unlike everyone else in the genre is also very interested in pushing guitar forward to new and strange places. Her latest album was super experimental layered electric guitars and voice that still managed to maintain the deep connection to nature that runs through all her work. I would also highly recommend following her on instagram because her passion runs over. She’s regularly just out in the woods somewhere explaining how wonderful a particular mushroom is.  This song one of the first ones I ever heard from her, and it’s back when she was just doing very beautiful 12 string acoustic work, but she recently added it to spotify and it’s a very nice reminder of where she came from and how far she’s gone in such a short time.

Lark - Angel Olsen: The new Angel Olsen is absolutely great. I love how much she is just completely going for it on this album, absolutely unleashing. Taken against earlier songs of hers I’ve loved like White Fire, where the majesty was in her quiet power and the ability to absolutely command silence with a whisper quiet song, this song feels like the direct inverse, an about-turn into all the gigantic majesty of swirling strings and top of your lungs vocals - going all out and leaving nothing on the table. The way this song blows up about three different times until by the end you’re caught in this gigantic swirling maelstrom of screaming sound is just out of this world.

Door - Caroline Polachek: Caroline Polachek’s brain is huge. When I first heard the chorus of this song I couldn't believe it. Are you allowed to have a chant that runs in a spiral like this be the chorus of your pop song? Is that allowed?

North, South, East And West - The Church: The Church feel like they don't get enough respect. They don't seem to be in the same league as Cold Chisel and The Angels and all the other dad rock Australian bands from that era for some reason. They're very good though and I've been really getting into this whole album and this song specifically lately. Maybe what's working against them is just how much his voice sounds like Bono's in this song but surely that was a boon at the time!

Western Questions - Timber Timbre: This has become one of my new favourite songs to sing. The way the words fit together is my favourite kind of poetics where they just sound incredible, phonetically, and can mean anything you like for large chunks. Like “the gelatinous walls of the seeds that seldom remain / while the bulls are  browsing needles through computer casinos / honour the name”. Especially “bulls are browsing needles through computer casinos” is just extremely nice to say. I love the character of this song and am yet to completely understand what it’s saying other than personifying some worldwide blackpilled spirit of nihilist evil. What I love is the experience of all encompassing evil in this song, like a worldwide conspiracy connecting everything together that makes it all make sense. It doesn’t make you happier but it makes it make sense. I also love the finality of the big fill near the end that ushers in the outro riff that ties everything up.

Cold Cold World - Blaze Foley: I got heavily into a country music thing this month and spent a bit of time trying to find ‘real’ country, which of course turns out not to exist at all. The entirety of country music is built on a false nostalgia for an imagined time long past when things were real, some unspecified time in the collective consciousness between cowboy times and coal mine times. I don’t say this to say ‘country music is a fraud’ but that it’s built on a foundation of myth and that’s what’s so good about it. It’s constantly reframing the past as it relates to the present and is energised by the friction between them. Blaze Foley is a good example of this in the modern era because he seems to exist more as a myth than a man. He had three studio albums, the master tapes of which all disappeared through various means (lost, stolen, seized by the DEA) and so the majority of his surviving material is live recordings or long-lost studio recordings that resurfaced decades after his death when his fame and mythology already preceded him. He also thankfully lives up to the myth, he was truly a great artist and it’s a shame more of him hasn’t survived.

Where The Golden Wattle Blooms / Why Did The Blue Skies Turn Grey  - Shirley Thoms: Further to what I was saying about country music before, Australian country is a whole other thing. Transferring the myth and the mythmaking to a new location adds another layer of abstraction. Shirley Thoms was the first female solo act to record country music in Australia in 1941 and was most notable for her yodelling of which she is damn fine. This is a great song and a good a starting point as any in trying to trace the origin of country music in Australia. That it's so english in its identity, so evidently imitating an american style (which is in turn imitating a german yodel) is just more good evidence that nothing is 'real' and traditions of the past and future are malleable at all times.

Talkin’ Karate Blues - Townes Van Zandt: Townes Van Zandt is widely regarded as a songwriter’s songwriter and one of the best country songwriters to ever live, but like a lot of great country songwriters also has one or two songs like this - strange comedy songs about learning karate and getting your arm ripped off.

Strange Tourist - Gareth Liddiard: This album is a masterpiece on the level of Ys and it feels criminally underlistened in my opinion. Luckily in the last week or so some renegade has done up the wiki article on it to a couple of thousand words so that's a start. Because this is a song I've listened to one million times and love a lot, it's hard for me to write about it in a general way so instead I'm going to talk about something very specific and new that I've only begun to appreciate recently. The way he uses the vowels of the japanese words to create these assonant runs in lines like "Koda Kumi sang a coda pink as sarin gas / I took a trip to Nagasaki in a rented Mitsubishi / Then went camping in the Jukai under Mount Fuji" and "They found him frozen in a hollow in Aokigahara forest where them harakiri weirdos go" is really something, and a nice illustration of the two sides of Liddiard's songwriting: densely technical poetics in a song about living with a housemate who was a real freak.

I Dream A Highway - GIllian Welch: I’m not even going to go into the lyrics of this because it’s such an out of this world perfect song but I’m going to say this: it’s really something that this song goes for nearly 15 minutes, sits on the same three chords the whole time and never ever feels long. This song is longer than Emily by Joanna Newsom but doesn’t feel like an epic of the same scale at all. It’s just a mournful slow ode to change and decay that goes on forever and could keeping going on for twice as long if it wanted to.

Deep Water - The Middle East: The way the vocals in the verses are delivered, trailing off and mumbling bits and pieces is somehow magical, like it’s more interested in communicating the gist and the feeling than the actual words. You can just pick whatever part of it you like. Petrol stations and a copper mine, the kind of place I think I could die. This song also has two minutes of silence at the end for album reasons so enjoy that.

listen here

[boy2reality]

Fine, I guess I'll just write out what I CAN remember about shapeshifting. >:( [Warning for violence, self-harm, and suicide. Pretty fucked up stuff in this one.]

The first thing I remember about 'shapeshifting' was when I was first getting used to existing in general in the pocket dimension. It was at the stage where I was getting pretty good at copying objects. I cannot for the life of me remember what even happened, but I had gotten really pissed off. I was just... Destroying one of my creations (literally just a wooden ball), when my fucking hand just turns into a fleshy, spiky mace, and I slammed the mace into the ball. My hand felt like it'd fallen asleep completely when this happened. I remember looking at my hand and freaking the hell out, waving it around, like 'get it off get it off!!!' When I stopped shaking, it was back to being a normal hand. I was real fuckin unnerved, stopped being angry real quick.

I'm trying to go sequentially, so I'll talk about the fucked up one next. I had been watching this family for a while. It was a family of three; a dad, a mom, and their son who was fairly young. The mom had some really, really bad depressive episodes, one of which involved her hurting herself in an attempt to end her life. I'm almost positive I hung around just because it was an easy meal involving no effort from me.

Thinking back on this... I don't even know why I did it. Some kind of sick boredom? But I ended up shoving the dad into the pocket dimension. I trapped him in a pit of something sticky (unsure what), and shapeshifted myself into his wife. I revealed I was holding a knife to him, and he went ape shit trying to get out of the goop. But all he could really do is look on as I raised the blade to my own throat. He howled and shrieked his wife's name as I slowly drug it across my throat, cold steel sensitive against my skin. His fear and anguish was probably the most potent I'd ever fed off of.

After I sent him back, I hung around for a little while. The poor guy was losing his mind looking for his wife (who was at work still, I think). His son approached him and he just... Embraced him for a long time. Eventually, the mom came home, and he ran up to her bawling his eyes out. I was already lethargic from being full, but just... Damn. I actually, legitimately feel bad for doing that. That guy didn't deserve that at all.

Now onto brighter things. One of the favorite things I remember doing in this life. Something that really changed how I looked at things back then.

I had one rule when it came to manipulating people for their energy: don't target kids. My morals fluctuated pretty wildly in that life, but I always had that baseline. Don't directly ruin a kid's life.

I remember I was walking around near the eveningtime on a pier. The city I was born in was a place on the ocean, and there was this nice little area with storefronts and restaurants facing it. I think I went there when I really wanted some fresh air.

There was this kid I'd see every time I was down there. Dirty clothes, messy hair, looked like he hadn't showered in weeks. I'd always see him at a pizzeria, where the chef would give him cooked pizza dough. He'd sit on a bench and eat it while watching the waves crash in.

He also happened to have one of the most... Simple, pure-sounding Compositions I'd ever heard. (The closest song I can find to it is Cat, from Minecraft). Listening to it seemed to calm me down no matter how I was feeling. I gathered all the information I needed to know from listening to it. He was an orphan. His mom died when he was young. He lived at a shitty foster home that hardly fed and bathed him.

I'd gotten pretty good at manipulating the pocket dimension at that point. I was to the point where I was able to make small towns out of things, and still keep them looking realistic. I ended up stealing a laptop at some point, and I looked at probably hundreds of images of circuses and amusement parks. I was going to give this kid a day of fun. It was my evil plan.

So, one day while he was snoozing on the park bench, I shove him in. I had a vague impression of what his mother looked like from the time I'd spent listening to him, so I shapeshifted into her, or at least something like her. As soon as he raised his head after landing in, he looked right at me, and his face went white. He just asked... "Mom?" and I extended my hand to him. I told him that the park was reserved for just us today, and that we were going to have a fun day together. He came running up to me, grabbing my hand.

I leaned a little too hard into the 'loving mother' role. I let him ride whatever rides he wanted to. Whenever he said that he wished the park had a certain ride, I smiled, and said 'well, maybe they do, and we haven't run into it yet!', and there it would be after we turned a corner. Me and that kid spent hours running around the theme park that never ended. And during those hours, I realized something.

During that time, that kid was radiating so much happiness, joy, excitement... And it made me feel the same way. I hadn't had that much fun in years. I was still focusing on siphoning energy (mostly because I HAD to, keeping the illusion of an entire theme park is hard work), and I felt so energetic. I didn't feel hungry, I didn't feel lethargic, I just... Felt great. I'd gotten so used to, so ADDICTED to making people feel fear towards me, that I'd forgotten what actually having fun felt like.

So, at the end of the day, I told the kid that it was time to go home, but I had one more place that I wanted to show him. While I was figuring out placements for rides and such, I placed the Space Needle (that huge 200 ft thing that lifts you up and drops you) on the edge of the park... So when you were at the top, you could see the whole park. I told the kid to close his eyes, and I teleported us to the very top of it. We sat down and admired the view for a little while. I was pretty proud of all the work I'd put into crafting all the stuff.

After a moment, he looked at me, and told me that he knew that I wasn't his mom. I let out a sigh, and just said, 'welp, I tried, at least.' The kid laughed at me, and we stared out over the park for a few more moments. Then he asked me if he could see what I really looked like.

I was very, very tempted to shapeshift into something terrifying... But the kid's Composition was so pure, that I knew he wasn't going to have any foul intent with what I looked like. He genuinely just wanted to know. So... I dropped the act. Let the kid see me in all my stupid pink-haired glory. He got a little wide eyed, and told me that I was the 'guy he saw on all the posters'. I kind of chuckled at him, asking if I was that famous.

He told me that he'd heard a lot of bad things about me. I could tell he was getting nervous, but I also sensed confusion. He asked me a lot of questions, mostly of why I didn't hurt him. Why I didn't scare him. There'd been a lot of reports about how I abducted people and traumatized them. I ended up breaking down pretty badly in front of this poor kid, explaining that I didn't necessarily WANT to hurt people, I was just operating off my survival instincts, and it got to my head... I don't think he understood. But he taught me a pretty valuable lesson.

After it was all said and done, I warped him back to the pier. I never contacted or went around him again. The whole encounter kept me fed for a way longer than any fear ever did. It really made me shift out of 'primal instincts hunter' mode, and helped me feel like a person again. Food wasn't the only reason to stay alive. I didn't WANT to just live day to day, wondering how I'd get my next meal. So... I changed my approach. But that's a story for another day.

[heroesandvillainsofmbti]

ISTJ: Miles O’Brien, “Star Trek: TNG/Deep Space Nine”

ISTJ – the Inspector, the Trustee, the Steward

Chief O’Brien was dubbed DS9’s Everyman character, one the writers could throw into any manner of weird and wild adventure and see how he bore up. Since the ISTJ is the most abundant personality type in MBTI theory, the role makes a good fit. Whether facing temporal anomalies on TNG, or bumpy-headed aliens on DS9, the Chief brings a down-to-Earth perspective to a far-out place.

Dominant Function: (Si) Introverted Sensing, “The Study”

Chief Petty Officer Miles O’Brien has a long record of service with Starfleet. His early assignments directed the path of his later career, moving from tactical to engineering, and then specializing in transporter operations after he performed a nifty trick to beam his crew out of an emergency. While he’s humble about his own accomplishments, he’s proud to be part of the established institution of Starfleet. He also boasts of his Irish lineage, as it includes a king and a union leader.

O’Brien experienced a great deal of combat as a young enlisted man during the Cardassian Border Wars. In court, he’s counted as an expert witness based on the number of combat missions he’s run, and the recognition he’s received. As steady and useful as the Chief is in such situations, he doesn’t love his memories of being a soldier.

The war colored O’Brien’s view of Cardassians for the rest of his life. He frequently calls them “Cardies,” and he’s slow and stubborn to trust any of them he meets. Even the Cardassian war orphan who stays with the O’Briens only bonds with Miles after they realize they both dislike Cardassian food. The Chief witnessed the many atrocities the Cardassians committed, but he tells one Cardassian that what he truly hates is what he became because of them—a killer, even if it was in combat.

One good thing that came from his war experience—when his old captain goes rogue, O’Brien is able to talk him down partly by singing their old battle songs together.

O’Brien’s favorite place on the Enterprise is Transporter Room 3, where he serves most of his time. When the anxious Barclay starts freaking out about using the transporter, O’Brien is quick to recite the solid safety record of transporter technology. Later, he introduces Barclay to his pet spider, which he keeps in memory of the time he had to overcome his arachnophobia to crawl into a tunnel full of spiders and make repairs.

O’Brien gets the post on DS9 partly thanks to his previous experience with Cardassian technology during the war. He’s not thrilled with the state of things on the station, and frequently wishes he had access to reliable Federation technology, but he has the Si-dom’s persistence of sticking with the work until it’s done. Once he’s jerry-rigged everything to work properly, the station becomes the Chief’s domain, and only he really knows how to keep it functioning.

O’Brien’s a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy, a traditional family man, and a working class engineer with no desire to move up into the ranks of officers. Thus, the many trials and tortures he suffers in his years on DS9 constantly test his resilience. He always manages to come out of them with his basic nature intact.

The exception is when he’s implanted with 20 years of prison memories that feel so real he has a hard time re-adapting to his old life. The environment may have been false, but the violent actions he took to survive feel, to Miles, authentic and damning. It takes the love and care of his wife Keiko and best friend Julian to keep him from killing himself, and to convince him he’s still the man he was before.

O’Brien gets back up and gets on with life, able to survive whatever the universe throws at him.

Auxiliary Function: (Te) Extraverted Thinking, “The Workshop”

The Chief is happiest when he has work to keep him busy, and the broken-down DS9 provides plenty. He has classic Starfleet engineer workaholic tendencies, and doesn’t know how to put down the technical manuals even when he’s on vacation with his wife. He’s straightforward and honest in his approach to his work—none of this fudging his estimates like a certain famous Miracle Worker. He can be a little by-the-book sometimes, as when he scolds Ensign Ro for dumping raw phaser power into a computer console to get it working in a crisis—a perfect clash of impetuous Ti-Se versus cautious Si-Te.

Still, the Chief never fails to get the job done in spite of all the difficulties he complains about.

O’Brien sports a certain dry sarcasm, born from his realist’s perspective, that rears up most often in contrast to his Extraverted Feeler friend Dr. Bashir. He gets especially testy with Julian when it’s revealed that the good doctor was genetically engineered, and thus had been letting him win at darts all these years. Miles wants to win legitimately, based on his ability, but that means making Julian stand a few feet farther back from the board.

Like many a high-spirited Te-user, Miles plays as hard as he works. Whether it’s darts or raquetball, he’s highly competitive, especially against Julian. In his free time, he hits the rapids on the holodeck, and repeatedly dislocates his shoulder doing so. It’s a very un-cautious, un-Si-dom thing to do, but he tells Julian he can’t stay away from the challenge.

O’Brien has little patience with more emotional approaches to life, which again makes him clash with Julian. When they’re stranded with a group of rogue Jem’Hadar, Bashir feels compelled to help them overcome their addiction to the chemical that keeps them enslaved. O’Brien doesn’t trust the Jem’Hadar—again, based on reliable past experience—and insists their focus should be on the more practical matter of escaping and leaving these guys behind to their fate.

On a later joint mission with the Jem’Hadar, O’Brien witnesses their pre-battle speech, about victory bringing life because they are dead until they win the fight.

The Chief gives the Starfleet people a pep talk of his own:

“My name is Miles Edward O’Brien. I am very much alive, and I intend to stay that way.”

Tertiary Function: (Fi) Introverted Feeling, “The Deep Well”

The Chief’s honestly not great in situations requiring emotional sensitivity. He’ll bitch and moan, and possibly explode, when too many things go wrong. He’s both brittle and stubborn with Cardassians, for whom he harbors deep resentment and prejudice. He constantly finds his patience tested by his begrudging friendship with Dr. Bashir, and he bickers with his wife Keiko so much it seems that’s all they ever do. He’s private and doesn’t like discussing his feelings—especially not to a ship’s counselor—until a talk with the ill-fated Captain Cusack inspires him to give a very serious, but very heart-felt speech to his friends at her eulogy.

For all the storms in their relationship, Miles and Keiko are probably a match because of their headstrong personalities. In separate episodes, they both show themselves willing to risk it all when the other is possessed by an alien entity (this happens often to Starfleet people), and O’Brien is at his most soft and tender when enjoying his family. When a telepathic mishap causes the DS9 crew to act out on their latent sexual attractions, Miles and Keiko wonder why nothing happened to them.

Miles says of their attraction to each other: “There’s nothing ‘latent’ about it.”

Interestingly, the Chief is the one to give Fe-user Worf advice on how to go easier on the engineering crew. Worf’s formality makes him rigid and stern, while O’Brien’s humility and practicality make him more suited to running a team of non-coms and technicians. Miles wants to be known as a good man, and he believes in the ideals of Starfleet even if he doesn’t stand up and preach them like his captains. This is why it hurts him so badly when he’s arrested and accused of terrorism by the Cardassians, or driven to suicide by his experiences in prison.

O’Brien achieves most of his emotional growth by gradually opening up to Bashir. The doctor’s incessant Fe-dom pestering makes them instant adversaries from the beginning, but after sharing many adventures together, they develop mutual respect. O’Brien eventually admits that, in some ways, he loves Julian as much as his wife, and enjoys their time together more.

(The Chief’s many outbursts and emotional misunderstandings with his loved ones, as well as his developing openness with Julian, often made me think that he was inferior-Fe. His strong Si and obvious lack of Ni kept me from typing him as an ISTP).

Inferior Function: (Ne) Extraverted Intuition, “The Hiking Trails”

O’Brien’s an engineer, not a theorist. When asked hypothetical questions in court about the battle in question, he gets irritated. It didn’t happen that way, so what’s the point of speculating?

When he’s sent skipping back and forth through time by a temporal anomaly, he figures out the moment-by-moment actions he needs to take, but thinking too much about the paradoxes of his situation makes him complain, “I hate temporal mechanics.”

By his own admission, the Chief misses the forest for the trees when the creature possessing Keiko assigns him a list of seemingly random adjustments to make around the station. It takes the Ne-user Rom to realize what all the re-calibrations will result in.

However, Miles has an enthusiastic playful side, as proven by his many holosuite escapades with Julian. The boys go all out, dressing up in full costumes to recreate many a historic—and tragic—battle. They’re the ones who get everyone roped into Vic’s in the first place.

Miles is willing to change when necessary. Like another famous Star Trek ISTJ, he disappointed his father by joining Starfleet instead of taking the expected path. He talks himself into being more tolerant when he advocates to a Cardassian war-orphan’s father the value of an open mind. He takes the job on DS9 despite the disruption to his life, and applies his imagination to many an engineering problem. He eagerly leaves his time as a soldier in the past, and works to be, as one Vorta put it, “One of those famed Starfleet engineers who can turn rocks into replicators.”

[thesnhuup]

Pop Picks — August 30, 2019

August 30, 2019

What I’m listening to: 

I usually go to music here, but the New York Times new 1619 podcast is just terrific, as is the whole project, which observes the sale of the first enslaved human beings on our shores 400 years ago. The first episode, “The Fight for a True Democracy” is a remarkable overview (in a mere 44 minutes) of the centrality of racism and slavery in the American story over those 400 years. It should be mandatory listening in every high school in the country. I’m eager for the next episodes. Side note: I am addicted to The Daily podcast, which gives more color and detail to the NY Times stories I read in print (yes, print), and reminds me of how smart and thoughtful are those journalists who give us real news. We need them now more than ever.

What I’m reading: 

Colson Whitehead has done it again. The Nickel Boys, his new novel, is a worthy successor to his masterpiece The Underground Railroad, and because it is closer to our time, based on the real-life horrors of a Florida reform school, and written a time of resurgent White Supremacy, it hits even harder and with more urgency than its predecessor. Maybe because we can read Underground Railroad with a sense of “that was history,” but one can’t read Nickel Boys without the lurking feeling that such horrors persist today and the monsters that perpetrate such horrors walk among us. They often hold press conferences.

What I’m watching:

Queer Eye, the Netflix remake of the original Queer Eye for the Straight Guy some ten years later, is wondrously entertaining, but it also feels adroitly aligned with our dysfunctional times. Episode three has a conversation with Karamo Brown, one of the fab five, and a Georgia small town cop (and Trump supporter) that feels unscripted and unexpected and reminds us of how little actual conversation seems to be taking place in our divided country. Oh, for more car rides such as the one they take in that moment, when a chasm is bridged, if only for a few minutes. Set in the South, it is often a refreshing and affirming response to what it means to be male at a time of toxic masculinity and the overdue catharsis and pain of the #MeToo movement. Did I mention? It’s really fun.

Archive 

July 1, 2019

What I’m listening to: 

The National remains my favorite band and probably 50% of my listening time is a National album or playlist. Their new album I Am Easy To Find feels like a turning point record for the band, going from the moody, outsider introspection and doubt of lead singer Matt Berninger to something that feels more adult, sophisticated, and wiser. I might have titled it Women Help The Band Grow Up. Matt is no longer the center of The National’s universe and he frequently cedes the mic to the many women who accompany and often lead on the long, their longest, album. They include Gail Ann Dorsey (who sang with Bowie for a long time), who is amazing, and a number of the songs were written by Carin Besser, Berninger’s wife. I especially love the Brooklyn Youth Chorus, the arrangements, and the sheer complexity and coherence of the work. It still amazes me when I meet someone who does not know The National. My heart breaks for them just a little.

What I’m reading: 

Pat Barker’s The Silence of the Girls is a retelling of Homer’s Iliad through the lens of a captive Trojan queen, Briseis. As a reviewer in The Atlantic writes, it answers the question “What does war mean to women?” We know the answer and it has always been true, whether it is the casual and assumed rape of captive women in this ancient war story or the use of rape in modern day Congo, Syria, or any other conflict zone. Yet literature almost never gives voice to the women – almost always minor characters at best — and their unspeakable suffering. Barker does it here for Briseis, for Hector’s wife Andromache, and for the other women who understand that the death of their men is tragedy, but what they then endure is worse. Think of it ancient literature having its own #MeToo moment. The NY Times’ Geraldine Brooks did not much like the novel. I did. Very much.

What I’m watching: 

The BBC-HBO limited series Years and Years is breathtaking, scary, and absolutely familiar. It’s as if Black Mirrorand Children of Men had a baby and it precisely captures the zeitgeist, the current sense that the world is spinning out of control and things are coming at us too fast. It is a near future (Trump has been re-elected and Brexit has occurred finally)…not dystopia exactly, but damn close. The closing scene of last week’s first episode (there are 6 episodes and it’s on every Monday) shows nuclear war breaking out between China and the U.S. Yikes! The scope of this show is wide and there is a big, baggy feel to it – but I love the ambition even if I’m not looking forward to the nightmares.

May 19, 2019

What I’m listening to: 

I usually go to music here, but I was really moved by this podcast of a Davis Brooks talk at the Commonwealth Club in Silicon Valley: https://www.commonwealthclub.org/events/archive/podcast/david-brooks-quest-moral-life.  While I have long found myself distant from his political stance, he has come through a dark night of the soul and emerged with a wonderful clarity about calling, community, and not happiness (that most superficial of goals), but fulfillment and meaning, found in community and human kinship of many kinds. I immediately sent it to my kids.

What I’m reading: 

Susan Orlean’s wonderful The Library Book, a love song to libraries told through the story of the LA Central Library.  It brought back cherished memories of my many hours in beloved libraries — as a kid in the Waltham Public Library, a high schooler in the Farber Library at Brandeis (Lil Farber years later became a mentor of mine), and the cathedral-like Bapst Library at BC when I was a graduate student. Yes, I was a nerd. This is a love song to books certainly, but a reminder that libraries are so, so much more.  It is a reminder that libraries are less about a place or being a repository of information and, like America at its best, an idea and ideal. By the way, oh to write like her.

What I’m watching: 

What else? Game of Thrones, like any sensible human being. This last season is disappointing in many ways and the drop off in the writing post George R.R. Martin is as clear as was the drop off in the post-Sorkin West Wing. I would be willing to bet that if Martin has been writing the last season, Sansa and Tyrion would have committed suicide in the crypt. That said, we fans are deeply invested and even the flaws are giving us so much to discuss and debate. In that sense, the real gift of this last season is the enjoyment between episodes, like the old pre-streaming days when we all arrived at work after the latest episode of the Sopranos to discuss what we had all seen the night before. I will say this, the last two episodes — full of battle and gore – have been visually stunning. Whether the torches of the Dothraki being extinguished in the distance or Arya riding through rubble and flame on a white horse, rarely has the series ascended to such visual grandeur.

March 28, 2019

What I’m listening to: 

There is a lovely piece played in a scene from A Place Called Home that I tracked down. It’s Erik Satie’s 3 Gymnopédies: Gymnopédie No. 1, played by the wonderful pianist Klára Körmendi. Satie composed this piece in 1888 and it was considered avant-garde and anti-Romantic. It’s minimalism and bit of dissonance sound fresh and contemporary to my ears and while not a huge Classical music fan, I’ve fallen in love with the Körmendi playlist on Spotify. When you need an alternative to hours of Cardi B.

What I’m reading: 

Just finished Esi Edugyan’s 2018 novel Washington Black. Starting on a slave plantation in Barbados, it is a picaresque novel that has elements of Jules Verne, Moby Dick, Frankenstein, and Colson Whitehead’s Underground Railroad. Yes, it strains credulity and there are moments of “huh?”, but I loved it (disclosure: I was in the minority among my fellow book club members) and the first third is a searing depiction of slavery. It’s audacious, sprawling (from Barbados to the Arctic to London to Africa), and the writing, especially about nature, luminous. 

What I’m watching: 

A soap opera. Yes, I’d like to pretend it’s something else, but we are 31 episodes into the Australian drama A Place Called Home and we are so, so addicted. Like “It’s  AM, but can’t we watch just one more episode?” addicted. Despite all the secrets, cliff hangers, intrigue, and “did that just happen?” moments, the core ingredients of any good soap opera, APCH has superb acting, real heft in terms of subject matter (including homophobia, anti-Semitism, sexual assault, and class), touches of our beloved Downton Abbey, and great cars. Beware. If you start, you won’t stop.

February 11, 2019

What I’m listening to:

Raphael Saadiq has been around for quite a while, as a musician, writer, and producer. He’s new to me and I love his old school R&B sound. Like Leon Bridges, he brings a contemporary freshness to the genre, sounding like a young Stevie Wonder (listen to “You’re The One That I Like”). Rock and Roll may be largely dead, but R&B persists – maybe because the former was derivative of the latter and never as good (and I say that as a Rock and Roll fan). I’m embarrassed to only have discovered Saadiq so late in his career, but it’s a delight to have done so.

What I’m reading:

Just finished Marilynne Robinson’s Home, part of her trilogy that includes the Pulitzer Prize winning first novel, Gilead, and the book after Home, Lila. Robinson is often described as a Christian writer, but not in a conventional sense. In this case, she gives us a modern version of the prodigal son and tells the story of what comes after he is welcomed back home. It’s not pretty. Robinson is a self-described Calvinist, thus character begets fate in Robinson’s world view and redemption is at best a question. There is something of Faulkner in her work (I am much taken with his famous “The past is never past” quote after a week in the deep South), her style is masterful, and like Faulkner, she builds with these three novels a whole universe in the small town of Gilead. Start with Gilead to better enjoy Home.

What I’m watching:

Sex Education was the most fun series we’ve seen in ages and we binged watched it on Netflix. A British homage to John Hughes films like The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and Pretty in Pink, it feels like a mash up of American and British high schools. Focusing on the relationship of Maeve, the smart bad girl, and Otis, the virginal and awkward son of a sex therapist (played with brilliance by Gillian Anderson), it is laugh aloud funny and also evolves into more substance and depth (the abortion episode is genius). The sex scenes are somehow raunchy and charming and inoffensive at the same time and while ostensibly about teenagers (it feels like it is explaining contemporary teens to adults in many ways), the adults are compelling in their good and bad ways. It has been renewed for a second season, which is a gift.

January 3, 2019

What I’m listening to:

My listening choices usually refer to music, but this time I’m going with Malcolm Gladwell’s Revisionist History podcast on genius and the song Hallelujah. It tells the story of Leonard Cohen’s much-covered song Hallelujah and uses it as a lens on kinds of genius and creativity. Along the way, he brings in Picasso and Cézanne, Elvis Costello, and more. Gladwell is a good storyteller and if you love pop music, as I do, and Hallelujah, as I do (and you should), you’ll enjoy this podcast. We tend to celebrate the genius who seems inspired in the moment, creating new work like lightning strikes, but this podcast has me appreciating incremental creativity in a new way. It’s compelling and fun at the same time.

What I’m reading:

Just read Clay Christensen’s new book, The Prosperity Paradox: How Innovation Can Lift Nations Out of Poverty. This was an advance copy, so soon available. Clay is an old friend and a huge influence on how we have grown SNHU and our approach to innovation. This book is so compelling, because we know attempts at development have so often been a failure and it is often puzzling to understand why some countries with desperate poverty and huge challenges somehow come to thrive (think S. Korea, Singapore, 19th C. America), while others languish. Clay offers a fresh way of thinking about development through the lens of his research on innovation and it is compelling. I bet this book gets a lot of attention, as most of his work does. I also suspect that many in the development community will hate it, as it calls into question the approach and enormous investments we have made in an attempt to lift countries out of poverty. A provocative read and, as always, Clay is a good storyteller.

What I’m watching:

Just watched Leave No Trace and should have guessed that it was directed by Debra Granik. She did Winter’s Bone, the extraordinary movie that launched Jennifer Lawrence’s career. Similarly, this movie features an amazing young actor, Thomasin McKenzie, and visits lives lived on the margins. In this case, a veteran suffering PTSD, and his 13-year-old daughter. The movie is patient, is visually lush, and justly earned 100% on Rotten Tomatoes (I have a rule to never watch anything under 82%). Everything in this film is under control and beautifully understated (aside from the visuals) – confident acting, confident directing, and so humane. I love the lack of flashbacks, the lack of sensationalism – the movie trusts the viewer, rare in this age of bombast. A lovely film.

December 4, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Spending a week in New Zealand, we had endless laughs listening to the Kiwi band, Flight of the Conchords. Lots of comedic bands are funny, but the music is only okay or worse. These guys are funny – hysterical really – and the music is great. They have an uncanny ability to parody almost any style. In both New Zealand and Australia, we found a wry sense of humor that was just delightful and no better captured than with this duo. You don’t have to be in New Zealand to enjoy them.

What I’m reading:

I don’t often reread. For two reasons: A) I have so many books on my “still to be read” pile that it seems daunting to also rereadbooks I loved before, and B) it’s because I loved them once that I’m a little afraid to read them again. That said, I was recently asked to list my favorite book of all time and I answered Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. But I don’t really know if that’s still true (and it’s an impossible question anyway – favorite book? On what day? In what mood?), so I’m rereading it and it feels like being with an old friend. It has one of my very favorite scenes ever: the card game between Levin and Kitty that leads to the proposal and his joyous walking the streets all night.

What I’m watching:

Blindspotting is billed as a buddy-comedy. Wow does that undersell it and the drama is often gripping. I loved Daveed Diggs in Hamilton, didn’t like his character in Black-ish, and think he is transcendent in this film he co-wrote with Rafael Casal, his co-star.  The film is a love song to Oakland in many ways, but also a gut-wrenching indictment of police brutality, systemic racism and bias, and gentrification. The film has the freshness and raw visceral impact of Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing. A great soundtrack, genre mixing, and energy make it one of my favorite movies of 2018.

October 15, 2018 

What I’m listening to:

We had the opportunity to see our favorite band, The National, live in Dallas two weeks ago. Just after watching Mistaken for Strangers, the documentary sort of about the band. So we’ve spent a lot of time going back into their earlier work, listening to songs we don’t know well, and reaffirming that their musicality, smarts, and sound are both original and astoundingly good. They did not disappoint in concert and it is a good thing their tour ended, as we might just spend all of our time and money following them around. Matt Berninger is a genius and his lead vocals kill me (and because they are in my range, I can actually sing along!). Their arrangements are profoundly good and go right to whatever brain/heart wiring that pulls one in and doesn’t let them go.

What I’m reading:

Who is Richard Powers and why have I only discovered him now, with his 12th book? Overstory is profoundly good, a book that is essential and powerful and makes me look at my everyday world in new ways. In short, a dizzying example of how powerful can be narrative in the hands of a master storyteller. I hesitate to say it’s the best environmental novel I’ve ever read (it is), because that would put this book in a category. It is surely about the natural world, but it is as much about we humans. It’s monumental and elegiac and wondrous at all once. Cancel your day’s schedule and read it now. Then plant a tree. A lot of them.

What I’m watching:

Bo Burnham wrote and directed Eighth Grade and Elsie Fisher is nothing less than amazing as its star (what’s with these new child actors; see Florida Project). It’s funny and painful and touching. It’s also the single best film treatment that I have seen of what it means to grow up in a social media shaped world. It’s a reminder that growing up is hard. Maybe harder now in a world of relentless, layered digital pressure to curate perfect lives that are far removed from the natural messy worlds and selves we actually inhabit. It’s a well-deserved 98% on Rotten Tomatoes and I wonder who dinged it for the missing 2%.

September 7, 2018

What I’m listening to:

With a cover pointing back to the Beastie Boys’ 1986 Licensed to Ill, Eminem’s quietly released Kamikaze is not my usual taste, but I’ve always admired him for his “all out there” willingness to be personal, to call people out, and his sheer genius with language. I thought Daveed Diggs could rap fast, but Eminem is supersonic at moments, and still finds room for melody. Love that he includes Joyner Lucas, whose “I’m Not Racist” gets added to the growing list of simply amazing music videos commenting on race in America. There are endless reasons why I am the least likely Eminem fan, but when no one is around to make fun of me, I’ll put it on again.

What I’m reading:

Lesley Blume’s Everyone Behaves Badly, which is the story behind Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises and his time in 1920s Paris (oh, what a time – see Midnight in Paris if you haven’t already). Of course, Blume disabuses my romantic ideas of that time and place and everyone is sort of (or profoundly so) a jerk, especially…no spoiler here…Hemingway. That said, it is a compelling read and coming off the Henry James inspired prose of Mrs. Osmond, it made me appreciate more how groundbreaking was Hemingway’s modern prose style. Like his contemporary Picasso, he reinvented the art and it can be easy to forget, these decades later, how profound was the change and its impact. And it has bullfights.

What I’m watching:

Chloé Zhao’s The Rider is just exceptional. It’s filmed on the Pine Ridge Reservation, which provides a stunning landscape, and it feels like a classic western reinvented for our times. The main characters are played by the real-life people who inspired this narrative (but feels like a documentary) film. Brady Jandreau, playing himself really, owns the screen. It’s about manhood, honor codes, loss, and resilience – rendered in sensitive, nuanced, and heartfelt ways. It feels like it could be about large swaths of America today. Really powerful.

August 16, 2018

What I’m listening to:

In my Spotify Daily Mix was Percy Sledge’s When A Man Loves A Woman, one of the world’s greatest love songs. Go online and read the story of how the song was discovered and recorded. There are competing accounts, but Sledge said he improvised it after a bad breakup. It has that kind of aching spontaneity. It is another hit from Muscle Shoals, Alabama, one of the GREAT music hotbeds, along with Detroit, Nashville, and Memphis. Our February Board meeting is in Alabama and I may finally have to do the pilgrimage road trip to Muscle Shoals and then Memphis, dropping in for Sunday services at the church where Rev. Al Green still preaches and sings. If the music is all like this, I will be saved.

What I’m reading:

John Banville’s Mrs. Osmond, his homage to literary idol Henry James and an imagined sequel to James’ 1881 masterpiece Portrait of a Lady. Go online and read the first paragraph of Chapter 25. He is…profoundly good. Makes me want to never write again, since anything I attempt will feel like some other, lowly activity in comparison to his mastery of language, image, syntax. This is slow reading, every sentence to be savored.

What I’m watching:

I’ve always respected Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, but we just watched the documentary RGB. It is over-the-top great and she is now one of my heroes. A superwoman in many ways and the documentary is really well done. There are lots of scenes of her speaking to crowds and the way young women, especially law students, look at her is touching.  And you can’t help but fall in love with her now late husband Marty. See this movie and be reminded of how important is the Law.

July 23, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Spotify’s Summer Acoustic playlist has been on repeat quite a lot. What a fun way to listen to artists new to me, including The Paper Kites, Hollow Coves, and Fleet Foxes, as well as old favorites like Leon Bridges and Jose Gonzalez. Pretty chill when dialing back to a summer pace, dining on the screen porch or reading a book.

What I’m reading:

Bryan Stevenson’s Just Mercy. Founder of the Equal Justice Initiative, Stevenson tells of the racial injustice (and the war on the poor our judicial system perpetuates as well) that he discovered as a young graduate from Harvard Law School and his fight to address it. It is in turn heartbreaking, enraging, and inspiring. It is also about mercy and empathy and justice that reads like a novel. Brilliant.

What I’m watching:

Fauda. We watched season one of this Israeli thriller. It was much discussed in Israel because while it focuses on an ex-special agent who comes out of retirement to track down a Palestinian terrorist, it was willing to reveal the complexity, richness, and emotions of Palestinian lives. And the occasional brutality of the Israelis. Pretty controversial stuff in Israel. Lior Raz plays Doron, the main character, and is compelling and tough and often hard to like. He’s a mess. As is the world in which he has to operate. We really liked it, and also felt guilty because while it may have been brave in its treatment of Palestinians within the Israeli context, it falls back into some tired tropes and ultimately falls short on this front.

June 11, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Like everyone else, I’m listening to Pusha T drop the mic on Drake. Okay, not really, but do I get some points for even knowing that? We all walk around with songs that immediately bring us back to a time or a place. Songs are time machines. We are coming up on Father’s Day. My own dad passed away on Father’s Day back in 1994 and I remembering dutifully getting through the wake and funeral and being strong throughout. Then, sitting alone in our kitchen, Don Henley’s The End of the Innocence came on and I lost it. When you lose a parent for the first time (most of us have two after all) we lose our innocence and in that passage, we suddenly feel adult in a new way (no matter how old we are), a longing for our own childhood, and a need to forgive and be forgiven. Listen to the lyrics and you’ll understand. As Wordsworth reminds us in In Memoriam, there are seasons to our grief and, all these years later, this song no longer hits me in the gut, but does transport me back with loving memories of my father. I’ll play it Father’s Day.

What I’m reading:

The Fifth Season, by N. K. Jemisin. I am not a reader of fantasy or sci-fi, though I understand they can be powerful vehicles for addressing the very real challenges of the world in which we actually live. I’m not sure I know of a more vivid and gripping illustration of that fact than N. K. Jemisin’s Hugo Award winning novel The Fifth Season, first in her Broken Earth trilogy. It is astounding. It is the fantasy parallel to The Underground Railroad, my favorite recent read, a depiction of subjugation, power, casual violence, and a broken world in which our hero(s) struggle, suffer mightily, and still, somehow, give us hope. It is a tour de force book. How can someone be this good a writer? The first 30 pages pained me (always with this genre, one must learn a new, constructed world, and all of its operating physics and systems of order), and then I could not put it down. I panicked as I neared the end, not wanting to finish the book, and quickly ordered the Obelisk Gate, the second novel in the trilogy, and I can tell you now that I’ll be spending some goodly portion of my weekend in Jemisin’s other world.

What I’m watching:

The NBA Finals and perhaps the best basketball player of this generation. I’ve come to deeply respect LeBron James as a person, a force for social good, and now as an extraordinary player at the peak of his powers. His superhuman play during the NBA playoffs now ranks with the all-time greats, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, MJ, Kobe, and the demi-god that was Bill Russell. That his Cavs lost in a 4-game sweep is no surprise. It was a mediocre team being carried on the wide shoulders of James (and matched against one of the greatest teams ever, the Warriors, and the Harry Potter of basketball, Steph Curry) and, in some strange way, his greatness is amplified by the contrast with the rest of his team. It was a great run.

May 24, 2018

What I’m listening to:

I’ve always liked Alicia Keys and admired her social activism, but I am hooked on her last album Here. This feels like an album finally commensurate with her anger, activism, hope, and grit. More R&B and Hip Hop than is typical for her, I think this album moves into an echelon inhabited by a Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On or Beyonce’s Formation. Social activism and outrage rarely make great novels, but they often fuel great popular music. Here is a terrific example.

What I’m reading:

Colson Whitehead’s Underground Railroad may be close to a flawless novel. Winner of the 2017 Pulitzer, it chronicles the lives of two runaway slaves, Cora and Caeser, as they try to escape the hell of plantation life in Georgia.  It is an often searing novel and Cora is one of the great heroes of American literature. I would make this mandatory reading in every high school in America, especially in light of the absurd revisionist narratives of “happy and well cared for” slaves. This is a genuinely great novel, one of the best I’ve read, the magical realism and conflating of time periods lifts it to another realm of social commentary, relevance, and a blazing indictment of America’s Original Sin, for which we remain unabsolved.

What I’m watching:

I thought I knew about The Pentagon Papers, but The Post, a real-life political thriller from Steven Spielberg taught me a lot, features some of our greatest actors, and is so timely given the assault on our democratic institutions and with a presidency out of control. It is a reminder that a free and fearless press is a powerful part of our democracy, always among the first targets of despots everywhere. The story revolves around the legendary Post owner and D.C. doyenne, Katharine Graham. I had the opportunity to see her son, Don Graham, right after he saw the film, and he raved about Meryl Streep’s portrayal of his mother. Liked it a lot more than I expected.

April 27, 2018

What I’m listening to:

I mentioned John Prine in a recent post and then on the heels of that mention, he has released a new album, The Tree of Forgiveness, his first new album in ten years. Prine is beloved by other singer songwriters and often praised by the inscrutable God that is Bob Dylan.  Indeed, Prine was frequently said to be the “next Bob Dylan” in the early part of his career, though he instead carved out his own respectable career and voice, if never with the dizzying success of Dylan. The new album reflects a man in his 70s, a cancer survivor, who reflects on life and its end, but with the good humor and empathy that are hallmarks of Prine’s music. “When I Get To Heaven” is a rollicking, fun vision of what comes next and a pure delight. A charming, warm, and often terrific album.

What I’m reading:

I recently read Min Jin Lee’s Pachinko, on many people’s Top Ten lists for last year and for good reason. It is sprawling, multi-generational, and based in the world of Japanese occupied Korea and then in the Korean immigrant’s world of Oaska, so our key characters become “tweeners,” accepted in neither world. It’s often unspeakably sad, and yet there is resiliency and love. There is also intimacy, despite the time and geographic span of the novel. It’s breathtakingly good and like all good novels, transporting.

What I’m watching:

I adore Guillermo del Toro’s 2006 film, Pan’s Labyrinth, and while I’m not sure his Shape of Water is better, it is a worthy follow up to the earlier masterpiece (and more of a commercial success). Lots of critics dislike the film, but I’m okay with a simple retelling of a Beauty and the Beast love story, as predictable as it might be. The acting is terrific, it is visually stunning, and there are layers of pain as well as social and political commentary (the setting is the US during the Cold War) and, no real spoiler here, the real monsters are humans, the military officer who sees over the captured aquatic creature. It is hauntingly beautiful and its depiction of hatred to those who are different or “other” is painfully resonant with the time in which we live. Put this on your “must see” list.

March 18, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Sitting on a plane for hours (and many more to go; geez, Australia is far away) is a great opportunity to listen to new music and to revisit old favorites. This time, it is Lucy Dacus and her album Historians, the new sophomore release from a 22-year old indie artist that writes with relatable, real-life lyrics. Just on a second listen and while she insists this isn’t a break up record (as we know, 50% of all great songs are break up songs), it is full of loss and pain. Worth the listen so far. For the way back machine, it’s John Prine and In Spite of Ourselves (that title track is one of the great love songs of all time), a collection of duets with some of his “favorite girl singers” as he once described them. I have a crush on Iris Dement (for a really righteously angry song try her Wasteland of the Free), but there is also EmmyLou Harris, the incomparable Dolores Keane, and Lucinda Williams. Very different albums, both wonderful.

What I’m reading:

Jane Mayer’s New Yorker piece on Christopher Steele presents little that is new, but she pulls it together in a terrific and coherent whole that is illuminating and troubling at the same time. Not only for what is happening, but for the complicity of the far right in trying to discredit that which should be setting off alarm bells everywhere. Bob Mueller may be the most important defender of the democracy at this time. A must read.

What I’m watching:

Homeland is killing it this season and is prescient, hauntingly so. Russian election interference, a Bannon-style hate radio demagogue, alienated and gun toting militia types, and a president out of control. It’s fabulous, even if it feels awfully close to the evening news. 

March 8, 2018

What I’m listening to:

We have a family challenge to compile our Top 100 songs. It is painful. Only 100? No more than three songs by one artist? Wait, why is M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” on my list? Should it just be The Clash from whom she samples? Can I admit to guilty pleasure songs? Hey, it’s my list and I can put anything I want on it. So I’m listening to the list while I work and the song playing right now is Tom Petty’s “The Wild One, Forever,” a B-side single that was never a hit and that remains my favorite Petty song. Also, “Evangeline” by Los Lobos. It evokes a night many years ago, with friends at Pearl Street in Northampton, MA, when everyone danced well past 1AM in a hot, sweaty, packed club and the band was a revelation. Maybe the best music night of our lives and a reminder that one’s 100 Favorite Songs list is as much about what you were doing and where you were in your life when those songs were playing as it is about the music. It’s not a list. It’s a soundtrack for this journey.

What I’m reading:

Patricia Lockwood’s Priestdaddy was in the NY Times top ten books of 2017 list and it is easy to see why. Lockwood brings remarkable and often surprising imagery, metaphor, and language to her prose memoir and it actually threw me off at first. It then all became clear when someone told me she is a poet. The book is laugh aloud funny, which masks (or makes safer anyway) some pretty dark territory. Anyone who grew up Catholic, whether lapsed or not, will resonate with her story. She can’t resist a bawdy anecdote and her family provides some of the most memorable characters possible, especially her father, her sister, and her mother, who I came to adore. Best thing I’ve read in ages.

What I’m watching:

The Florida Project, a profoundly good movie on so many levels. Start with the central character, six-year old (at the time of the filming) Brooklynn Prince, who owns – I mean really owns – the screen. This is pure acting genius and at that age? Astounding. Almost as astounding is Bria Vinaite, who plays her mother. She was discovered on Instagram and had never acted before this role, which she did with just three weeks of acting lessons. She is utterly convincing and the tension between the child’s absolute wonder and joy in the world with her mother’s struggle to provide, to be a mother, is heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once. Willem Dafoe rightly received an Oscar nomination for his supporting role. This is a terrific movie.

February 12, 2018

What I’m listening to:

So, I have a lot of friends of age (I know you’re thinking 40s, but I just turned 60) who are frozen in whatever era of music they enjoyed in college or maybe even in their thirties. There are lots of times when I reach back into the catalog, since music is one of those really powerful and transporting senses that can take you through time (smell is the other one, though often underappreciated for that power). Hell, I just bought a turntable and now spending time in vintage vinyl shops. But I’m trying to take a lesson from Pat, who revels in new music and can as easily talk about North African rap music and the latest National album as Meet the Beatles, her first ever album. So, I’ve been listening to Kendrick Lamar’s Grammy winning Damn. While it may not be the first thing I’ll reach for on a winter night in Maine, by the fire, I was taken with it. It’s layered, political, and weirdly sensitive and misogynist at the same time, and it feels fresh and authentic and smart at the same time, with music that often pulled me from what I was doing. In short, everything music should do. I’m not a bit cooler for listening to Damn, but when I followed it with Steely Dan, I felt like I was listening to Lawrence Welk. A good sign, I think.

What I’m reading:

I am reading Walter Isaacson’s new biography of Leonardo da Vinci. I’m not usually a reader of biographies, but I’ve always been taken with Leonardo. Isaacson does not disappoint (does he ever?), and his subject is at once more human and accessible and more awe-inspiring in Isaacson’s capable hands. Gay, left-handed, vegetarian, incapable of finishing things, a wonderful conversationalist, kind, and perhaps the most relentlessly curious human being who has ever lived. Like his biographies of Steve Jobs and Albert Einstein, Isaacson’s project here is to show that genius lives at the intersection of science and art, of rationality and creativity. Highly recommend it.

What I’m watching:

We watched the This Is Us post-Super Bowl episode, the one where Jack finally buys the farm. I really want to hate this show. It is melodramatic and manipulative, with characters that mostly never change or grow, and it hooks me every damn time we watch it. The episode last Sunday was a tear jerker, a double whammy intended to render into a blubbering, tissue-crumbling pathetic mess anyone who has lost a parent or who is a parent. Sterling K. Brown, Ron Cephas Jones, the surprising Mandy Moore, and Milo Ventimiglia are hard not to love and last season’s episode that had only Brown and Cephas going to Memphis was the show at its best (they are by far the two best actors). Last week was the show at its best worst. In other words, I want to hate it, but I love it. If you haven’t seen it, don’t binge watch it. You’ll need therapy and insulin.

January 15, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Drive-By Truckers. Chris Stapleton has me on an unusual (for me) country theme and I discovered these guys to my great delight. They’ve been around, with some 11 albums, but the newest one is fascinating. It’s a deep dive into Southern alienation and the white working-class world often associated with our current president. I admire the willingness to lay bare, in kick ass rock songs, the complexities and pain at work among people we too quickly place into overly simple categories. These guys are brave, bold, and thoughtful as hell, while producing songs I didn’t expect to like, but that I keep playing. And they are coming to NH.

What I’m reading:

A textual analog to Drive-By Truckers by Chris Stapleton in many ways is Tony Horowitz’s 1998 Pulitzer Prize winning Confederates in the Attic. Ostensibly about the Civil War and the South’s ongoing attachment to it, it is prescient and speaks eloquently to the times in which we live (where every southern state but Virginia voted for President Trump). Often hilarious, it too surfaces complexities and nuance that escape a more recent, and widely acclaimed, book like Hillbilly Elegy. As a Civil War fan, it was also astonishing in many instances, especially when it blows apart long-held “truths” about the war, such as the degree to which Sherman burned down the south (he did not). Like D-B Truckers, Horowitz loves the South and the people he encounters, even as he grapples with its myths of victimhood and exceptionalism (and racism, which may be no more than the racism in the north, but of a different kind). Everyone should read this book and I’m embarrassed I’m so late to it.

What I’m watching:

David Letterman has a new Netflix show called “My Next Guest Needs No Introduction” and we watched the first episode, in which Letterman interviewed Barack Obama. It was extraordinary (if you don’t have Netflix, get it just to watch this show); not only because we were reminded of Obama’s smarts, grace, and humanity (and humor), but because we saw a side of Letterman we didn’t know existed. His personal reflections on Selma were raw and powerful, almost painful. He will do five more episodes with “extraordinary individuals” and if they are anything like the first, this might be the very best work of his career and one of the best things on television.

December 22, 2017

What I’m reading:

Just finished Sunjeev Sahota’s Year of the Runaways, a painful inside look at the plight of illegal Indian immigrant workers in Britain. It was shortlisted for 2015 Man Booker Prize and its transporting, often to a dark and painful universe, and it is impossible not to think about the American version of this story and the terrible way we treat the undocumented in our own country, especially now.

What I’m watching:

Season II of The Crown is even better than Season I. Elizabeth’s character is becoming more three-dimensional, the modern world is catching up with tradition-bound Britain, and Cold War politics offer more context and tension than we saw in Season I. Claire Foy, in her last season, is just terrific – one arched eye brow can send a message.

What I’m listening to:

A lot of Christmas music, but needing a break from the schmaltz, I’ve discovered Over the Rhine and their Christmas album, Snow Angels. God, these guys are good.

November 14, 2017

What I’m watching:

Guiltily, I watch the Patriots play every weekend, often building my schedule and plans around seeing the game. Why the guilt? I don’t know how morally defensible is football anymore, as we now know the severe damage it does to the players. We can’t pretend it’s all okay anymore. Is this our version of late decadent Rome, watching mostly young Black men take a terrible toll on each other for our mere entertainment?

What I’m reading:

Recently finished J.G. Ballard’s 2000 novel Super-Cannes, a powerful depiction of a corporate-tech ex-pat community taken over by a kind of psychopathology, in which all social norms and responsibilities are surrendered to residents of the new world community. Kept thinking about Silicon Valley when reading it. Pretty dark, dystopian view of the modern world and centered around a mass killing, troublingly prescient.

What I’m listening to:

Was never really a Lorde fan, only knowing her catchy (and smarter than you might first guess) pop hit “Royals” from her debut album. But her new album, Melodrama, is terrific and it doesn’t feel quite right to call this “pop.” There is something way more substantial going on with Lorde and I can see why many critics put this album at the top of their Best in 2017 list. Count me in as a huge fan.

November 3, 2017

What I’m reading: Just finished Celeste Ng’s Little Fires Everywhere, her breathtakingly good second novel. How is someone so young so wise? Her writing is near perfection and I read the book in two days, setting my alarm for 4:30AM so I could finish it before work.

What I’m watching: We just binge watched season two of Stranger Things and it was worth it just to watch Millie Bobbie Brown, the transcendent young actor who plays Eleven. The series is a delightful mash up of every great eighties horror genre you can imagine and while pretty dark, an absolute joy to watch.

What I’m listening to: I’m not a lover of country music (to say the least), but I love Chris Stapleton. His “The Last Thing I Needed, First Thing This Morning” is heartbreakingly good and reminds me of the old school country that played in my house as a kid. He has a new album and I can’t wait, but his From A Room: Volume 1 is on repeat for now.

September 26, 2017

What I’m reading:

Just finished George Saunder’s Lincoln in the Bardo. It took me a while to accept its cadence and sheer weirdness, but loved it in the end. A painful meditation on loss and grief, and a genuinely beautiful exploration of the intersection of life and death, the difficulty of letting go of what was, good and bad, and what never came to be.

What I’m watching:

HBO’s The Deuce. Times Square and the beginning of the porn industry in the 1970s, the setting made me wonder if this was really something I’d want to see. But David Simon is the writer and I’d read a menu if he wrote it. It does not disappoint so far and there is nothing prurient about it.

What I’m listening to:

The National’s new album Sleep Well Beast. I love this band. The opening piano notes of the first song, “Nobody Else Will Be There,” seize me & I’m reminded that no one else in music today matches their arrangement & musicianship. I’m adding “Born to Beg,” “Slow Show,” “I Need My Girl,” and “Runaway” to my list of favorite love songs.

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[newyorktheater]

In the six decades since The Temptations began, as we’re told near the end of the latest Broadway jukebox musical “Ain’t Too Proud,”  24 men have performed at one time or another as members of this R & B quintet. Even the “classic five,” as Temptation fans call them, were not all involved at the beginning, when Otis Williams got a group of his Detroit homeboys together, and snagged a recording contract with Berry Gordy’s Motown Records.

The Temptations, in other words, is less a band than a brand – one that has sold 25 million records worldwide, turning out 17 top 40 pop hits, among them four that made it to number 1:  “I Can’t Get Next To You,” “Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone,” “Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me)” and arguably their biggest earworm, “My Girl.” Others include “Get Ready” and the song that gives the show its title, “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg.”

“Ain’t Too Proud” is an extension of the Temptations brand. It’s subtitled “The Life and Times of The Temptations,”  but it would be more accurate to label it The Songs and Smooth Moves of the Temptations. Those are the reasons people will want to see this show, and these are the aspects of the show that will most reward them. The 31 songs are largely peak Motown (and include some hits from the Cadillacs and the Supremes; see song list below) Sergio Trujillo’s choreography is a thrilling upgrade of the group’s trademark dips, snaps, splits, sways and twirls.  The performers are talented enough as singers and dancers to be members of the actual Temptations — original, classic or replacement — and they can act too.

Derrick Baskin portrays Otis Williams, who was the founder of the group, and the only surviving member of the classic five. The musical is based on the 1988 memoir that he wrote with Patricia Romanowski entitled “The Temptations,” and he is credited as the executive producer of the show. It makes sense, then, that Otis is the narrator. The story, shaped by librettist Dominique Morisseau, is told from his point of view.

But it’s not just his story. Ain’t Too Proud wants to tell everybody’s story –  the classic five, sure, but also those whom they replaced, and those who replaced them, as well as their neglected families. We see their struggle to keep together and get to the top, bickering with each other all along the way. We also see how fame and life on the road take a sometimes tragic toll on each individual’s health, their equilibrium, their relationships, their family life. Paul Williams (James Harkness) drinks too much and dies young, his death ruled a suicide. There’s one scene where all but Otis are freebasing cocaine. In a nod to the promise of the subtitle, there are also scenes that reflect the contentious times: While riding on their tour bus in the South, they’re shot at by racists. There is much thought-provoking back and forth about the requirements, restrictions, and resentments involved in being crossover artists.

This all-inclusive approach has two stumbling blocks.  The general outline of rising to the top and falling from grace, feels overly familiar. And with so many songs and so many incidents to get through, there is little time to keep them from coming off as generic. The proceedings can feel rushed, the transitions jarring. Not long after one of the Temptations announces that Martin Luther King Jr. has been assassinated, followed by a quick relevant montage accompanying the song “I Wish It Would Rain,” we see the group sitting in their dressing room, looking morose. But the reason why they’re morose is because David Ruffin, a terrific singer but a screw-up, is late, and they want to kick him out of the group. Mourning finished; we have  to move on.

In fairness to “Ain’t Too Proud,” it’s hard to come up with a single example in tbe rapidly replicating subgenre of jukebox bio-musical that has done full justice either to its subject(s) or to the art of theater. The one that comes closest is probably “Jersey Boys,”  Des McAnuff’s first foray into the genre as a director. He is also the director of “Ain’t Too Proud,” and of last year’s “Summer.” The saving grace of these shows is their function as showcases and training grounds for some terrific performers.

The show’s savviest move is in the casting.

Jeremy Pope, who just made an impressive Broadway debut as the lead in Chorus Boy, carries forward the lesson he learned on how both to stand out and blend in for his portrayal of Eddie Kendricks. Rashidra Scott lets loose as Josephine, Otis’s put-upon first wife, with “If You Don’t Know Me By Now.” She is a veteran of five other Broadway musicals, including “Beautiful,” a jukebox that several other “Ain’t Too Proud” performers list in the bios. Jawan M. Jackson gives us the silky deep bass of Melvin Franklin, aka Blue. Jackson made his Broadway debut in Motown The Musical, which also cast Ephraim Sykes. Sykes has also performed in “Memphis” and “Newsies” and “Hamilton,” as well as NBC’s production of Hairspray Live as Seaweed J. Stubbs.  As David Ruffin in “Ain’t Too Proud,” Sykes steals the show, with moves that astound, and sounds to die for. That he commands attention seems to fit the character he’s playing. Even after the unruly Ruffin is  kicked out of the group, he pops up on stage to perform with the reconfigured group in a series of ambushes. In one of Otis’s cornier lines, he says: “David was getting addicted to the worst drug of all: The spotlight.”  May the performer who portrays him maintain this addiction for many more years – and shows – to come.

Derrick Baskin as Otis Williams, front

Jeremy Pope and Candice Marie Woods center

Ephraim Sykes as David Ruffin

Ain’t Too Proud Imperial Theater Written by Dominique Morisseau Directed by Des McAnuff. Choreography by Sergio Trujillo. Scenic design by Robert Brill, costume design by Paul Tazewell, lighting design by Howell Binkley, sound design by Steve Canyon Kennedy, projection design by Peter Nigrini, hair and wig design by Charles G. LaPointe, fight direction by Steve Rankin, associate choreographer Edgar Godineaux, music coordinator John Miller, vocal supervision by Liz Caplan, orchestrations by Harold Wheeler, Music Direction and Arrangements by Kenny Seymour. Cast: Derrick Baskin as Otis Williams, James Harkness as Paul Williams, Jawan M. Jackson as Melvin Franklin, Jeremy Pope as Eddie Kendricks, and Ephraim Sykes as David Ruffin. Saint Aubyn, Shawn Bowers, E. Clayton Cornelious, Taylor Symone Jackson, Jahi Kearse, Jarvis B. Manning Jr., Joshua Morgan, Rashidra Scott, Nasia Thomas, Christian Thompson, Candice Marie Woods, Esther Antoine, Marcus Paul James, Jelani Remy, and Curtis Wiley.

Songlist (listed alphabetically)

Ain’t Too Proud to Beg (music by Edward Holland, Jr. and Norman J. Whitfield; lyrics by Edward Holland, Jr. and Norman J. Whitfield) Baby Love (music by Lamont Herbert Dozier, Brian Holland and Edward Holland, Jr.; lyrics by Lamont Herbert Dozier, Brian Holland and Edward Holland, Jr.) Ball of Confusion (That’s What the World is Today) (music by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield; lyrics by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield) Cloud Nine (music by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield; lyrics by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield) Come See About Me (music by Lamont Herbert Dozier, Brian Holland and Edward Holland, Jr.; lyrics by Lamont Herbert Dozier, Brian Holland and Edward Holland, Jr.) Don’t Look Back (music by Smokey Robinson and Ronald White; lyrics by Smokey Robinson and Ronald White) For Once In My Life (music by Ronald Miller and Orlando Murden; lyrics by Ronald Miller and Orlando Murden) Get Ready (music by Smokey Robinson; lyrics by Smokey Robinson) Gloria (music by Ester Navarro; lyrics by Ester Navarro) I Can’t Get Next to You (music by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield; lyrics by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield) I Could Never Love Another (After Loving You) (music by Carl Christiansen, Rodger Penzabene, Sr., Helga Penzabene, Roger Penzabene, Jr., Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield; lyrics by Carl Christiansen, Rodger Penzabene, Sr., Helga Penzabene, Roger Penzabene, Jr., Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield) (I Know) I’m Losing You (music by Cornelius Grant, Edward Holland, Jr. and Norman J. Whitfield; lyrics by Cornelius Grant, Edward Holland, Jr. and Norman J. Whitfield) I Want a Love I Can See (music by Smokey Robinson; lyrics by Smokey Robinson) I Wish It Would Rain (music by Rodger Penzabene, Sr., Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield; lyrics by Rodger Penzabene, Sr., Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield) If I Could Build My Whole World Around You (music by Johnny Bristol, Vernon Bullock and Harvey Fuqua; lyrics by Johnny Bristol, Vernon Bullock and Harvey Fuqua) If You Don’t Know Me By Now (music by Kenneth Gamble and Leon Huff; lyrics by Kenneth Gamble and Leon Huff) I’m Gonna Make You Love Me (music by Gregg America, Skip Batey and Gregg Crockett; lyrics by Gregg America, Skip Batey and Gregg Crockett) In the Still of the Night (music by Fred Parris; lyrics by Fred Parris) Just My Imagination (Running Away with Me) (music by Troy Carter, Anthony Fontenot, Barrett Strong, Norman J. Whitfield and Armique Wyche; lyrics by Troy Carter, Anthony Fontenot, Barrett Strong, Norman J. Whitfield and Armique Wyche) My Girl (music by Smokey Robinson and Ronald White; lyrics by Smokey Robinson and Ronald White) Papa Was a Rollin’ Stone (music by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield; lyrics by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield) Runaway Child, Running Wild (music by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield; lyrics by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield) Shout (music by Ronald Isley, Rudolph Isley and O’Kelly Isley; lyrics by Ronald Isley, Rudolph Isley and O’Kelly Isley) Since I Lost My Baby (music by Warren Moore and Smokey Robinson; lyrics by Warren Moore and Smokey Robinson) Speedo (music by Ester Navarro; lyrics by Ester Navarro) Superstar (Remember How You Got Where You Are) (music by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield; lyrics by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield) The Way You Do the Things You Do (music by Smokey Robinson and Robert Rogers; lyrics by Smokey Robinson and Robert Rogers) War (music by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield; lyrics by Barrett Strong and Norman J. Whitfield) What Becomes of the Brokenhearted (music by James Dean, Paul Riser and William Weatherspoon; lyrics by James Dean, Paul Riser and William Weatherspoon) You Can’t Hurry Love (music by Lamont Herbert Dozier, Edward Holland, Jr. and Brian Holland; lyrics by Lamont Herbert Dozier, Edward Holland, Jr. and Brian Holland) You’re My Everything (music by Carl Christiansen, Cornelius Grant, Rodger Penzabene, Sr., Helga Penzabene and Norman J. Whitfield; lyrics by Carl Christiansen, Cornelius Grant, Rodger Penzabene, Sr., Helga Penzabene and Norman J. Whitfield)

Broadway Review: Ain’t Too Proud: The Life and Times of The Temptations In the six decades since The Temptations began, as we’re told near the end of the latest Broadway jukebox musical “Ain’t Too Proud,”  24 men have performed at one time or another as members of this R & B quintet.

[noiseartists]

OUTWARD, introverted Shoegaze from Kentucky

Outward is the one man music project from Corey Philpot. It includes influences from Shoegaze, Indie, Dream Pop, Synth Pop and other similar genres that Corey grew up loving.

His last Album, ‘That’s life’, will be released on 15th February 2019 by our friends of Somewherecold records. Corey and Noise Artists collaborated to introduce you to his music and understand his motivations and persona thanks to a really good and detailed interview.

The music and feelings are vastly drawn from the topic of depression and isolation as you will discover. We are delighted that Corey speaks freely of this mental state that many people experience, without always seeking the support that would make their life better. The more we talk about it, the better.

Without further ado, discover Outward’s music and Corey Philpot.

Musical Work

Outward’s musical work to date is:

That's Life, Album, February 2019

Reverie Remedy, Album, May 2017

Hypnagogic Calibrations, EP, April 13, 2015

Inside the Tremble, EP, October 2014

The King's Ascension, EP, August 5, 2013

The best introduction to the coming album is to ask the artist the story behind the music. And this is a great one.

“My name is Corey Philpot, and I go musically under the name Outward. I am a one-man-band but with a full band sound. I have a new album called That’s Life which is releasing on February 15th on digital and physical disc under Somewherecold Records.

The album itself I would describe along the lines of ripping out pages from within a diary my soul has tried to keep inside hiding from all eyes. It’s my attempt at digging into every outlet of dark and light that I carry inside, to make it audible and visible outwardly.

I began recording it while living in Austin, TX. A few different things had fallen through, and I somehow was lucky enough to land a gig with the great band SUPER THIEF of ATX, and I didn’t have any new material. I wrote a handful of tracks from the album within a span of a week just so that I would have a live set to perform.

The very day of the gig, my wife was robbed at gunpoint at her job. Needless to say, we didn’t go through with the gig and this became the concrete starting point for That’s Life. A few more incidents happened after that are more on the personal side of things which dealt in life and death as well.

We ultimately decided to leave ATX, and return to my hometown in London, Kentucky; a place where if you feel like being left alone, you truly can be. Over the span of the next year and a half, I recorded more and more songs. They were my way of addressing what my wife and I had been through and were going through. We were facing everything together. Living in the depths of darkness, while hoping to see a light to shine on the world and make it better. We eventually found our own light to shine on ourselves.

The concept of the album lies completely in its name. We all face so many struggles every day, and the weight of those struggles can sometimes be all too consuming. Sometimes it often leads to depression, which can lead to addiction and ultimately even suicide.

I think most people have experienced some form of depression and suicidal thoughts. I feel its something common, yet as a society, we fear it so much and view it as a weakness so much; we immediately shut it down when someone confronts us about it.

I’ve experienced and witnessed so many moments where people are on the edge of taking their life, reached out to someone to talk, and that someone responds with the phrase “That’s life,” shrugging them aside; basically making it a point that because everyone has issues and seems to get over them, that you must get over them as well. There’s a few tracks that I feel standout to this. The most obvious for me are Rainface and Post-RPG Depression.

Each of those tracks, the vocals and lyrics were improvised in one take; as I felt they needed to have that real stream of consciousness feeling as if your mind and heart must vent or you’re going to drown from the inside. Other tracks deal with certain subjects, mostly between accepting life as it is (both good and bad), drug addiction, suicide, isolation, dreams, hopes, fear, love, hate, and drug overdose.

I feel that we as a society are quick to judge and condemn anyone experiencing these darker issues and often time say these individuals do it to themselves and don’t deserve help. I stand strongly against that. I think anyone reaching out for help deserves to have a hand stretched to them. These are the people that often need the most help or someone to just listen.

My songs as a whole dig through this concept; such as the track Nothing Much. It is basically reflecting on when you feel that your life is over and that suicide is the only answer left; just to free yourself and the burden you feel exists on others by you existing. “They say it’s fine, all in time. I think they lie to feel fine”; it reflects when people say to you everything will be okay in time and will eventually pass. Sometimes that’s not true, and things won’t be fine.

Tracks like Crash, Codeine Dreams, and Can’t Care reflect on drug addictions and the mental spiral they can create or leave. How a drug can be a crutch to feel like it can fix everything, yet it remains pointless as it will never end in anything but more harm to yourself. However, sometimes it feels its all you have left for life, even though you know it’s not a positive thing. You feel trapped with no defence or way out. Then sometimes, it feels like it’s a will to personal self-destruction; a way to slowly take means into your own hands and decide how you want your life to end. A weird awareness of self-control and lack of self-control at the same time.

 Other tracks deal with hopes and dreams. Swear to Me is like a waking day dream. You picture everyone being okay, life being alright, everyone being peaceful, and that it can all rise above the darkness. Ultimately, life will be what life is, but you can’t stop from dreaming of things being better.  Though, at the end of the day, you will always wake up from that dream. A lot of the tracks on this album can fit into the same category of this song; meaning striving and hoping for a better life for yourself and for others, regardless of the obstacles life seems to constantly throw at you.

I tried to make every song feel as if it had its own identity. I won’t put out an album unless I feel every song has its own sound and doesn’t necessarily sound like something that’s already been done before. If it does, it’s by pure accident; as with every song I try to go in completely open minded with no goal but to follow what my heart tells me and what resonates in sound to my ears.

This being the case, I don’t think my sound really fits exactly into a genre like a puzzle piece. Rather, it’s a cherry-picking of multiple genres and sounds I love all into one cohesive thing. Because I grew up in a small town in the middle of nowhere mountains; music and film were my only obsessions that kept me going.

My music is a combination of all my favorite genres since I was a kid: shoegaze, grunge, industrial, slowcore, 80s synthpop, noise rock, retrowave, dreampop, and more. I combine my favorite things and whatever comes out, comes out basically.  Because it’s so noisy, melty, and loud I think it lends itself to the shoegaze side more than anything. Jason Lamoreaux of Somewherecold Records has coined the term Sludgegaze to describe the sound; which I think is actually pretty great and it made me excited like a little kid when he said it.

 This album is an extension of me; into my heart, mind, body, and soul. It’s me trying to deal with everything life is/was/will be. It’s an attempt to approach life and death in so many different forms. And it’s ultimately my attempt to reach out to people in the world struggling with their life and fighting to keep going. I want it to be a message that says you’re not alone in feeling these things, and you’re not alone in this world. It may be hard, but as long as we keep fighting, we can make of life what we will. There’s no pro-drug or pro-suicide song on this album and I hope no one comes away with that sort of message. It’s more of an “I understand and wish I could give you a hug,” message.”

Tell us about the artists you have worked with

I actually haven’t worked with that many artists. In terms of Outward, I’ve never worked with any other artists on tracks. It’s always been only me; even when it comes to recording, mixing, and mastering.

 I have two different two-piece shoegaze projects though. One is with my wife Perla called June in Bliss; the other with a best friend named Veronika called Augra Nowhere. We as Augra shot and made a music video for the noise rock band SUPER THIEF however down in ATX.

THE INTERVIEW

Can you tell us more how you came to have the band’s name?

Outward came to me because I wanted something to signify in the simplest effort of what my music entails. The entire point I feel is to take what is most inward and to make it outward; to project the internal outwardly.

Where are you from? Where are you living now?

I’m from London, Kentucky and also presently residing here now too. I’ve lived in both Winston-Salem, North Caroline (while attending film school) and in Austin, Texas for a few years pursuing music and film.  After hardships, my wife and I decided to get some air and come back here.

Could you give us the history of the band, how the members came together and have done music together since?

I started recording music by myself in high school. I had gotten electric drum kit and mixer for Christmas one year and that kicked me off. I had been inspired by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails since I was five years old and decided if one man could do that and make such cool music, I could too. I wouldn’t dub myself Outward for a handful of years later though.

 Could you tell me more on the band composition? Do you have plans to add new members, or is there possible departure scheduled from existing band members?

It’s only myself and has been since the beginning, which probably now stands as a decade. There’s no plan to add any additional members currently. The only thing I could see possibly in the future is touring musicians.

 Can you tell me the inspiration behind your band?

The inspiration for me at the start was a way to deal with and/or escape my life. It was a way to deal with depression and living in a town where I couldn’t really relate to many people on many subjects or things. It kept me alive and allowed me to deal with my emotions in a non-harmful way; while also hopefully connecting to others in those same head-spaces.

 Was there a vision of sorts or did you know what you wanted to do when you started up?

I’ve always wanted to be able to just make a living of any sort doing this. The dream for me is to be able to make music and connect with people, while being able to just afford daily life bills. I don’t care about being stupid rich. I only want to be able to survive and do something I genuinely love and that’s part of my soul.

In terms of styling, I want Outward to feel nostalgic more than anything; like playing video games growing up, watching vhs, and cartoons. I try to incorporate those things and the feelings into the image of it all.

 Can you tell us about some of your favourite bands, the music you listen now, some you may want to bring the attention from the reader to?

 I’d be happy to list older and current bands I love: Nothing, Lantlos, Alcest, My Bloody Valentine, Slowdive, Type O Negative, Failure, HUM, Nine Inch Nails, Deadsy, Alice in Chains (my first cassette tape at four y.o. was Jar of Flies),  Cult Leader, Acid Bath, Barkmarket, SUPER THIEF, Exhalents, Blaze Foley, Urban Voodoo, Unsane, U2, Townes Van Zandt, XTC, Tears for Fears, Talk Talk, Jesu, Mazzy Star, The Alarm, The Wedding Present, Red House Painters, Seam, Low, Codeine, Sebadoh, Skinny Puppy, Ohgr, Medicine,  Dir en grey, The Plimsouls,  Devo, Alice Cooper, The Cure, Clan of Xymox, Lush, The Opposition, Anakin, Skydiggers, Helmet, Gojira, Devin Townsend, SYL, Godflesh, JAMC, Cocteau Twins, Richard Buckner, Grivo, Gleemer, Malice Mizer, My Dad is Dead, Machines of Loving Grace, God Lives Underwater,  Placebo, Naked Eyes, General Public, Book of Love, ABC, Duran Duran, Adam Ant, China Crisis, Lycia, Red Rockers, Smashing Pumpkins, Local H, Sugar, Bethany Curve, Whimsical, Beatastic, Should, Cheatahs, Coalters of the Deepers, Roku Music, Iris, Iroha, Deafcult, Duster, Two Inch Astronaut, Chapterhouse, Thompson Twins, Tricky, Pale Saints, Nirvana (I’d be lying if I didn’t say there wasn’t an influence. My mom has a video of me at 2-3 yo hitting a snare drum singing lyrics to All Apologies), Miami Nights 1984, Hollow Sunshine, Newmoon, Prefab Sprout, Deafheaven, Drab Majesty, Soulwhirlingsomewhere, Revolver, Prick, Lift to Experience, OLD (Old Lady Drivers), David Bowie, Swallow, Quicksand, and Emma Ruth Rundle.

 Do you have any other musical side projects apart from this band?

I have two at the moment. Both are somewhat similar to Outward, mixing genres while mostly leaning to shoegaze. They’re called June in Bliss and Augra Nowhere.

The Creative process

Who writes the song and the music and how do you get to the final song? Is it a community process, do you have leaders in composing or arranging music?

I write and record everything myself; from start to finish. I usually start with a drum track, synth track, or guitar riff. Whichever one leads first. After that I begin going through an endless amount of synths and find one that resonates and I start building layers. I continue doing this over and over until basically it sounds full or has exactly enough to what the track feels it calls for. I then decide if that part is verse or chorus, and then proceed to make the next verse or chorus. I’ve had a song reach 78 layers of synths, guitars, basses, and drums before. Once the music feels finished, then I begin working on lyrics and vocals. After those are laid I begin the mastering process.

 Do you listen to the advice of your band mates? What would you do if they said a song was shit but you liked it?

Since I don’t have any bandmates, I have a select circle of friends and family I’ll send tracks to for feedback. Some are aware of shoegaze and the other genres, while others aren’t, so it helps me get a wide view of how people both familiar and unfamiliar with react to them.

If someone said a song was shit, I’d listen to them and try to understand their view and why they’ve reached that conclusion. It would depend on if it’s out of spite or if they’re genuinely being honest.

If it’s constructive criticism and ultimately can make the song work better, then I have no troubles taking that criticism. However if it’s someone being a dick, well, then they can fuck off. And ultimately, if it’s a track I love and feel is pure honesty, then I will keep it as-is no matter what. I think it’s very situational.

 Talking about the lyrics: who write them? Is there a common thread in them, a theme? Who chose the songs’ name

I write them completely and choose everything about them from words, subject, to titles. There’s no common theme other than they must reflect a since of sincerity and honesty to myself.

 Do you have a message that you want to get across in your music? If so, what are some of the messages you want to spread?

That you’re not alone in your problems. That people all over the world, including myself, have experienced and do experience these problems; that there are many who struggle with things like depression and suicide. My goal is ultimately to be a way of suicide prevention by facing it head on in the most honest ways.

It’s also to help myself get through these things too. Reality is a mirror and a reflection of our perception and projections. Helping myself get through can help others get through, while helping others can help myself get through.

 Did your listening habits changed over the years and does it affect what you write?

I had a much cooler older brother growing up. I’ve actually always been into these types of bands. He showed me Nine Inch Nails and things like that at an early age (roughly like 5 years old), and so I dove in from there on for the rest of my life. Since then and now, I actively search constantly for new or old music that I can find; be it any genre. I don’t care what the genre is as long as its music coming from someone’s soul.

The path to music

Is it easy to find producers and studios where you live for indie-rock?

Not at all. This place is a small town that wouldn’t exist if a major interstate didn’t go through it.

Your recorded sound is good, which is not easy. Did you engineer the sound yourself, or did you have a sound engineer with you? If yes could you tell us more about him/her?

I’ve done everything myself. Because it’s always just been myself mixing all the things I love, it’s roughly always been this same sound; just more put together and improved quality. My instrumental, vocal, and composition skills have increased through the years just from constantly trying to improve. I would love to work with engineers such as Flood, Daniel Lanois, Brian Eno, Robin Guthrie, or Trent Reznor.

Was it a community work to try to have the best sounding music possible or mainly driven by the sound engineer or by the band?

It’s always been my sole goal to create something unique and original; a sound I could call my own that would not blend in with the mass of music out there. I want to have a sound that is both dynamically heavy and soft simultaneously; as if you were being beaten to death by the softest pillows.

 How did the recording work differ over time?

Once I began to learn mastering, it drastically changed my quality. It went from someone sounding like they’re recording in their bedroom (which I do), to sounding like someone not recording in their bedroom (which I still am). Also, after years of practicing and self-teaching basically everything from gear, recording, instruments, etc., I’ve gotten better at it all; as they say, practice practice practice.

 Is the recording material yours when you are out of a studio or do you borrow/rent it?

It’s mine. I don’t have anything near what a recording studio would have; literally just a small mixer, a mic, and a few programs.

  Tell us what you are looking when trying to achieve your sounds? Do you experiment a lot or have a clear idea of what you want?

There’s definitely been some tracks where I can hear them in my head entirely before recording anything, but most times I just sit down with my mind as a blank page and allow it to kind of go wherever it wants to. I don’t specifically start out with a sound in mind or where it should be. Mostly, I’m always experimenting and letting it build itself.

 Who is the more knowledgeable with pedals? You use them a lot, to great effect.

As large as my sound may seem, with as many effects as there is, I only use two pedals in my main setup. I’m not hugely knowledgeable into pedals; I’m very specific on ones I have or ones that I want. Outside of that, its not really something I really dive into. I feel you can experiment very widely with very little and achieve amazing tones and sounds.

I think I read once that Kevin Shields of MBV talked about even though he has many pedals, his sound is achieved roughly by one or two and then using the guitar straight into the amp. I took that as an inspiration and stayed simple. Simple, but effective.

 What are some places around the world that you hope to take your band? Do you have any plans at present to tour in other countries?

I more than anything want to tour in Japan. I’ve always loved the music and film industry there. I was obsessed with Japanese art for a long time with bands like Malice Mizer and Dir en grey; as well as filmmakers such as Takashi Miike, Ryuhei Kitamura, and Sion Sono.

I’m a huge gamer and JRPG’s are some of my favorite types of games. Plus, there’s always been a love for shoegaze there. I’d love to go there ultimately and just dive into the art and be able to perform.

Although I’d always be down to perform anywhere in the world any time. I’d love to travel and meet great peeps.

 Is there any reason in particular that you want to go to these places? Is there something about dream pop/shoegaze in those places that makes you want to go there?

Japan as far as I’ve ever known has always had a great love for shoegaze. I’ve always had a great love for Japan, so I think the two of us could combine pretty greatly.

 Do you dream to live from your music or is it a passion you do not want to spend your full time on?

It’s my dream of dreams to make music for a living. It’s the one true thing I love to do in life, and it terrifies me in a way that without it, there’s no occupation I can ever be happy with otherwise. That may sound stupid to a lot of people and a pipe dream. The world is a hard place, and to survive, eat, and have a home, you have to be part of the system and work what you can to get by. Most times, that doesn’t mean you get to have a job that panders to your happiness at all; let alone one that deals in artistic natures. I’d give anything to take this full time and have it be my every day job.

 Do you make a decent revenue from your music or is it still very much a hobby?

Even if I don’t make a cent, I will never consider it a hobby. It means more than I could ever try to explain. I will always give it my all and put all my effort into it; even if it never lands and never makes a dime. It’s survival for me. To keep alive, I have to keep making music and art. There’s no alternative.

 If you have a record label, could you tell us a bit more about your record label and your relationship with it?

I’m under Somewherecold Records at the moment. It’s run by Jason Lamoreaux, who is an amazing human being. I couldn’t be more grateful for him and the label to take a chance on myself and the album. One of the scariest parts of being an artist is that you can pour your heart into making something you feel is special and great, but may never land to anyone’s ears or connect at all. It’s amazing to me how much support he’s given and believes in the album. I’m grateful.

What is the next album due?

Titled That’s Life, it’s due out February 15, 2019 on Somewherecold Records. It’ll be released digitally and on physical disc limited to 100 copies. It’s actually up for pre-order as we speak, and the first single “For Sure,” as a download immediately.

 Do you plan to continue music for a long time or are you tired of it?

The rest of my life.

  Anything else you want the reader to know

This album is made with the most pure and honest intentions that I can fathom. If you’re looking for something different and new then I really think it’s worth giving it a try.

It may not have a commercial appeal, as I’m not sure myself at all if that’s there, but I think if given the chance, it will surprise you in the greatest way. If you feel that music has reached a stalemate and there’s no new sounds or genres out there or nothing has been progressed, then this album is for you.

If you feel sad and isolated in the world, dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, or drug addictions, this album is for you as well. It is meant to be something different and something that also connects with people on a human level.

The part of us that is the real us inside that no one knows.  This is me giving my everything to try and make art that is original and is also personal and human; something that has heart in every way.

I only ask to give it a chance, and approach with an open mind. I’m grateful to anyone who’s eyes have read this interview and grateful to Noise Artists for even offering me the opportunity. “

And we are very grateful to Corey for pouring his heart in this interview and presentation of his music.

Where to find Outward’s work

Music

Bandcamp

Soundcloud

Music Videos (lyric vids):

Sleeptalk

Backroads

Social Media

Facebook

Instagram

Somewherecold Records

Other articles

The Blog That Celebrates Itself, interview

Rebel Noise, For Sure song premiere

Thanks to

“My wife Perla, my family, friends, Jason/SWC Records, Noise Artists, all artists of the world, all people who are peaceful, and anyone that’s ever given any of my tracks a listen.”

[nonoboymusic]

Monday Music: Parekh & Singh / Wes Anderson & Colonial Legacy

A lovely, little group to stumble across as the summer nights linger a little longer than we deserve in the northern hemisphere and we have need of songs with which to further enjoy the lengthened twilights and unnamable oranges and pinks which play on clouds or air pollution, depending on your location.

The venn diagram of people who would enjoy Parekh & Singh and people who would enjoy quirky coming of age comedies with an OCD level of attention to whimsical detail and the meticulous direction of Wes Anderson, has a large overlap, as you can see in the chart below.

It is then a smart branding move of Parekh & Singh, with their perfectly pocket sized indie dream pop tunes to make music videos in tribute to Wes Anderson, the divisive, brilliant auteur, and favorite of the indie set. 

I quite like this music. It’s good. But, what I find really interesting here, is thinking about Wes Anderson’s films and specifically the criticism he faces when it comes to his handling of minority and foreign characters, especially in the context of two Indian guys taking his work, which at times has indeed, been questionable, especially in its portrayel of Parekh & Singh’s fellow countrymen, and other south asians.  

I’m an ardent W.A. fan, but I do not mind if people jump on Anderson for Gene Hackman’s character being openly (and hilariously) racist in Royal Tenenbaums or if they have a problem with Owen Wilson’s Custer obsessed, war paint donning character in the same film. In all honesty, the mention of the tongue-in-cheek “Chick-chaw” trail in Moonrise Kingdom always makes me cringe, even though I love that film. I appreciate when people are aware enough to point out uncomfortable moments of appropriation in his films and I do not make apologies for him. But, I personally don’t get too bent out of shape over that stuff when it pops up in movies, especially when I think that this director (white man, he may be) is smart enough and sensitive enough to be pointing out the problems of race in society through showing cartoon versions of racism. My argument would be that Anderson doesn’t get race right all the time, but he might actually be doing better work with it than we might have previously thought, given the knock that Wes Anderson and White are synonyms.

(Eli Cash high on mescaline wearing war paint, Royal Tenenbaums)

Take Royal Tenenbaums. Hackman’s character Royal is an admitted “asshole” after all and his racism is a part of that lost old white man-ness of his character. Eli Cash, Owen Wison’s character, and the other great offender within the ensemble cast, is a drug addicted sendup of white academics who get way to deep into the culture they “study,” and go totally off the rails, wearing funny hats and in Cash’s case, writing in a “sort of obsolete vernacular.” The one prominent black character in any of Anderson’s ensemble casts is Henry Sherman, played by Danny Glover. Sherman certainly is largely there as a target for Hackman’s racist comedy (”Coltrane,” “You want to talk some jive!? I’ll talk some jive!”) but Glover’s character is also successful accountant and ends up marrying Royal’s wife, played by Anjelica Houston, which obviously upends a lot of stereotypes of black folks in cinema. 

(The great back and forth between Glover and Hackman, Royal Tenenbaums)

Thinking about it now, I actually think Royal’s racist moments, are not only for easy-ish laughs, but to also identify him as a man out of time, as a tragically flawed hero. In many ways, Royal Tenenbaums is a very American movie, about a family which chases innovation and prestige, dedicating itself to upholding a strong protestant work ethic, only to come up short despite all of their talent because in the end the world is hard and we are all broken to some degree, and all that really matters is love and tending your own garden, as Voltaire might say. The tragedy and triumph of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s writing and life sings throughout all of Anderson’s American set films (especially in RT and Rushmore, which was inspired by Fitzgerald’s “The Last Tycoon”).  

What better sin to possess the patriarch of this dying star of an American family with than a kind of dwindling, last gasp of the white supremacy. Royal has to overcome many things in order to redeem himself by films end -- abandoning his family -- but he also must overcome a bigoted white machismo, as he finds himself outmatched not only by a changing, more progressive society, but also more directly by a strong, smart, and handsome black man, who has won the heart of his wife, because he is a better man than our hero could ever be. 

Just because an issue is dark and complicated, doesn’t mean it can’t serve well in a colorful comedy--see the way Anderson also handles mental illness, anxiety and suicide in this film, in a way which doesn’t drag the proceedings into total despair, or interrupt the pace, or comedic stability of the overall work, but at the same time, does not treat these topics as inconsequential, but in fact addresses them with respect. 

(Royal Tenenbaum and Henry Sherman making amends, Royal Tenenbaums)

In short, I think it’s fair to criticize Anderson. If you just don’t like his style, fair, his talent may not engulf you the way it does myself and other fans, and this certainly alters how we view his appropriation, or how he writes for characters of color. I get it. It’s fair to cry foul over a movie like Tarantino’s Django Unchained, and say, maybe, white film makers just shouldn’t put words into the mouths of black actors when explosive issues of race are involved. I can respect that because it comes from a position of historical knowledge in which, taking in the scope of slavery, anti-blackness, civil rights, and white supremacy, it’s almost too much to deal with, and honestly, who needs a white guy trying to write blackness onto the screen, especially when plenty of black filmmakers don’t get the same shot. 

If you don’t like Anderson’s precious, meticulous aesthetic (or Tarantino’s over the topness, for that matter), which I can understand, his inclusion of minorities and foreigners (which he has made a space for since his first film) is an easy target. But I think it’s worthwhile to consider this: W.A. is a white dude writing racially charged dialogues and characters, but what is that dialogue and what are those characters doing?

(Anthony, Inez, and Dignan from Bottle Rocket)

I met Wes once, at an NPR office of all places, and so I picture his tired but kind, press tour handshake and smile, when I think of him as I write this. He wears his influences on his sleeve. A white, liberal boy from Texas with a hard on for 60s European cinema and British folk/rock music, who is a nice guy in an expensive camel hair blazer. A soft voiced auteur who seems both normal and a bit snobby, with a singular vision within filmmaking. 

Still, I can sympathize with those critics who call him out, and I don’t necessarily disagree with their points. It’s important to have watchdogs out there to not let people get away with shit concerning race, because some really serious, bad stuff can go down if marginalization is the norm, like life or death stuff, not just annoyances from silly movies. Although, I do feel bad for these critics if they haven’t experienced  the brilliance of Rushmore, the first movie I remember sitting down and watching and afterwards, coming out of the theater,  telling my buddies Josh and Phillip, whoa, that was like a really good film.

(”Payback Scene” from Rushmore, featuring The Who’s “A Quick One While He’s Away”

So, back to Parekh & Singh... Two private school kids from Kolkata who do the indie dream pop thing as well as anyone in the states or Britain, with no trace of an accent. Obviously, British colonialism has left a trace on these guys. Is that a bad thing? Well, I sure like this music, and judging from their pin-point accuracy in performing this style, they sure like British music and have studied the great indie pop of the 90s and 00s from the isles and stateside. And what does their adoption of the Anderson aesthetic in their promotional videos and photographs say? Well, obviously, like many indie pop fans, they enjoy his films. It’s an eye catching visual to replicate and it got my attention, as I would imagine it got many of the hundreds of thousands of people who have viewed their videos’ attention. 

The intrigue arrives when we consider that Anderson’s least successful film, both as a film and a cultural product handling race, is Darjeeling Limited. It’s his most exploitative work by a mile, setting a story of three rich white brothers (played by Jason Schwartzman, Owen Wilson, and Adrian Brody) on a farce of a spiritual journey to reconnect with their nun-mother who is living somewhere in India. They travel by train and India, like classic films from the 50s and 60s, stands in for the “exotic” locale where rich white people find out something. 

(Darjeeling Limited trailer)

There are two supporting actors of south asian descent on the train --which serves brilliantly from a cinematography point of view as the main setting-- played by Amara Karan and Waris Ahluwalia, but they have little more complexity than the colored folks in a Tin Tin comic, that is to say not much (that is to also say, I cherish my Tin Tin comics, even Le Lotus Bleu.)

(Amara Karan plays “Rita” in Darjeeling Limited)

The criticism of Anderson, privileged, white boy director, is most founded here. The movie--rewatching some scenes, now--still has a ton of great moments, though the script is more uneven than his best work (especially the films cowritten by Owen Wilson) and the chemistry between the leads is not great. But when it comes to his treatment of India, there are a number of head shaking moments to choose falling into the cliches of bad, racist costuming, cultural mishandling (especially in terms of religion), exoticization of "oriental” women, white savior complexes, and the fact that the country is little more than literal window dressing from the inside of a train, a liminal but safe compartment from which these three western brothers bicker like children and try to find meaning while taking drugs, fucking hot chicks, and being tourists playing at the Beatles-y spirituality which so many westerners define India by. So, criticism deserved on this one, I say. It’s one thing when W.A.’s setting is Brooklyn or a prep school, because Anderson has some ownership over this cultural context. He has very little ownership over India. He took a trip there, enjoys Bollywood, but the conflation of the country and the superficiality with which he treats it, especially given how necessarily superficial and visually focused his movies are, that’s a little bit of a deal. 

Still, some great scenes, amazing shots, great use of The Kinks, and funny lines. 

(Brody, Wilson, and Schwartzmen in Darjeeling Limited)

So, the question I would love answered is what do Parekh & Singh think, as Indian dudes who love Wes Anderson about Darjeeling Limited. They probably love it, the same way, as an east/southeast asian dude, I really like Karate Kid or don’t actually mind Last Samurai, because 1.) Tom Cruise is fucking awesome always (in movies) and 2.) it’s a fucking movie and my outrage is better spent elsewhere. But, perhaps there’s something more annoying about Anderson’s missteps in Darjeeling than those hollywood blockbusters precisely because Anderson wears a camel hair blazer to an NPR interview with Robin Young. Artsy, bookish liberals are supposed to know better where big hollywood productions don’t give a shit about race sensitivity and just want to make money, so, duh, Tom Cruise totally should be the centerpiece of a movie that takes place in Japan. Still, I’m curious what Parekh and Singh would think (I’ve also texted several south asian friends on their Darjeeling feelings, realizing I’ve never asked). 

Anderson’s aesthetic is highly colonial. He loves the prim and proper style of the British Empire, the bright colors of the military uniforms, and the organization inherit in Britain’s grotesque domination of much of the world in the 19th and 20th century. 

(British Colonial style)

Musically, Anderson’s heavy use of 1960s British music is interesting because it came at a pivotal time in British and western history. It was the soundtrack of a dying Empire and an emerging globalized (American) world. I ask myself, was the British Invasion with all of its appropriation (Rolling Stones=Blues, then country, Kinks=Rock, Hillbilly) the swan song of an empire or a the sonic marking of a sea change towards a more progressive society? 

(The Kinks)

Concerning film, Anderson borrows heavily from French New Wave cinema and classic Italian masters, and we must ask, similarly to his British Invasion admiration/fetish, is this a continuation of brilliant but white-washed and colonial film making in the guise of mid century cultural change within these respective western european countries, or was this film making truly pushing towards a more culturally inclusive and aware future?

(Seberg et Belmondo, A Bout de Souffle (Breathless))

So, again, Parekh & Singh: Sons of colonial subjects taking the culture of their former conquerers and making their own music, or subjects of a continued colonial legacy? Probably both. Having grown up Vietnamese, but fully appreciating the French culture my mother was born into in Saigon, I don’t think it’s such an easy thing to demarcate. French culture is my culture, even if, I think French colonialism was bullshit, horrible, and wrong. British culture is Indian culture for some Indians, probably moreso of upper class kids like Parekh and Singh, and their private school crowd. No judgement on any individual actors. By looking at their work, as well as Anderson’s we can take a minute to reflect on the deeply engrained transnational, colonial influences, and the good and bad of this legacy in art, and in the world.

At the end of the day, this is talented group making good tunes and using a popular director’s style to promote their music, and I’m fine leaving it there. As an academic-ish, I do appreciate their videos for making me think more deeply about Anderson’s work and history, I guess. 

Also, I want to mention, that, after Darjeeling Limited and the ultra-white, school boy fantasy Moonrise Kingdom (a great film, despite the “Chick-chaw trail), I really loved Anderson’s next film Grand Budapest Hotel featured Tony Revolori, a Guatemalan-American actor as the film’s hero. I’m sure Parekh & Singh, like myself, appreciated seeing a brown skin kid as their hero, especially in what was perhaps Anderson’s best work to date.

(Tony Revolori as Zero in Grand Budapest Hotel)

[thesnhuup]

Pop Picks — July 1, 2019

July 1, 2019

What I’m listening to: 

The National remains my favorite band and probably 50% of my listening time is a National album or playlist. Their new album I Am Easy To Find feels like a turning point record for the band, going from the moody, outsider introspection and doubt of lead singer Matt Berninger to something that feels more adult, sophisticated, and wiser. I might have titled it Women Help The Band Grow Up. Matt is no longer the center of The National’s universe and he frequently cedes the mic to the many women who accompany and often lead on the long, their longest, album. They include Gail Ann Dorsey (who sang with Bowie for a long time), who is amazing, and a number of the songs were written by Carin Besser, Berninger’s wife. I especially love the Brooklyn Youth Chorus, the arrangements, and the sheer complexity and coherence of the work. It still amazes me when I meet someone who does not know The National. My heart breaks for them just a little.

What I’m reading: 

Pat Barker’s The Silence of the Girls is a retelling of Homer’s Iliad through the lens of a captive Trojan queen, Briseis. As a reviewer in The Atlantic writes, it answers the question “What does war mean to women?” We know the answer and it has always been true, whether it is the casual and assumed rape of captive women in this ancient war story or the use of rape in modern day Congo, Syria, or any other conflict zone. Yet literature almost never gives voice to the women – almost always minor characters at best — and their unspeakable suffering. Barker does it here for Briseis, for Hector’s wife Andromache, and for the other women who understand that the death of their men is tragedy, but what they then endure is worse. Think of it ancient literature having its own #MeToo moment. The NY Times’ Geraldine Brooks did not much like the novel. I did. Very much.

What I’m watching: 

The BBC-HBO limited series Years and Years is breathtaking, scary, and absolutely familiar. It’s as if Black Mirror and Children of Men had a baby and it precisely captures the zeitgeist, the current sense that the world is spinning out of control and things are coming at us too fast. It is a near future (Trump has been re-elected and Brexit has occurred finally)…not dystopia exactly, but damn close. The closing scene of last week’s first episode (there are 6 episodes and it’s on every Monday) shows nuclear war breaking out between China and the U.S. Yikes! The scope of this show is wide and there is a big, baggy feel to it – but I love the ambition even if I’m not looking forward to the nightmares.

Archive 

May 19, 2019

What I’m listening to: 

I usually go to music here, but I was really moved by this podcast of a Davis Brooks talk at the Commonwealth Club in Silicon Valley: https://www.commonwealthclub.org/events/archive/podcast/david-brooks-quest-moral-life.  While I have long found myself distant from his political stance, he has come through a dark night of the soul and emerged with a wonderful clarity about calling, community, and not happiness (that most superficial of goals), but fulfillment and meaning, found in community and human kinship of many kinds. I immediately sent it to my kids.

What I’m reading: 

Susan Orlean’s wonderful The Library Book, a love song to libraries told through the story of the LA Central Library.  It brought back cherished memories of my many hours in beloved libraries — as a kid in the Waltham Public Library, a high schooler in the Farber Library at Brandeis (Lil Farber years later became a mentor of mine), and the cathedral-like Bapst Library at BC when I was a graduate student. Yes, I was a nerd. This is a love song to books certainly, but a reminder that libraries are so, so much more.  It is a reminder that libraries are less about a place or being a repository of information and, like America at its best, an idea and ideal. By the way, oh to write like her.

What I’m watching: 

What else? Game of Thrones, like any sensible human being. This last season is disappointing in many ways and the drop off in the writing post George R.R. Martin is as clear as was the drop off in the post-Sorkin West Wing. I would be willing to bet that if Martin has been writing the last season, Sansa and Tyrion would have committed suicide in the crypt. That said, we fans are deeply invested and even the flaws are giving us so much to discuss and debate. In that sense, the real gift of this last season is the enjoyment between episodes, like the old pre-streaming days when we all arrived at work after the latest episode of the Sopranos to discuss what we had all seen the night before. I will say this, the last two episodes — full of battle and gore – have been visually stunning. Whether the torches of the Dothraki being extinguished in the distance or Arya riding through rubble and flame on a white horse, rarely has the series ascended to such visual grandeur.

March 28, 2019

What I’m listening to: 

There is a lovely piece played in a scene from A Place Called Home that I tracked down. It’s Erik Satie’s 3 Gymnopédies: Gymnopédie No. 1, played by the wonderful pianist Klára Körmendi. Satie composed this piece in 1888 and it was considered avant-garde and anti-Romantic. It’s minimalism and bit of dissonance sound fresh and contemporary to my ears and while not a huge Classical music fan, I’ve fallen in love with the Körmendi playlist on Spotify. When you need an alternative to hours of Cardi B.

What I’m reading: 

Just finished Esi Edugyan’s 2018 novel Washington Black. Starting on a slave plantation in Barbados, it is a picaresque novel that has elements of Jules Verne, Moby Dick, Frankenstein, and Colson Whitehead’s Underground Railroad. Yes, it strains credulity and there are moments of “huh?”, but I loved it (disclosure: I was in the minority among my fellow book club members) and the first third is a searing depiction of slavery. It’s audacious, sprawling (from Barbados to the Arctic to London to Africa), and the writing, especially about nature, luminous. 

What I’m watching: 

A soap opera. Yes, I’d like to pretend it’s something else, but we are 31 episodes into the Australian drama A Place Called Home and we are so, so addicted. Like “It’s  AM, but can’t we watch just one more episode?” addicted. Despite all the secrets, cliff hangers, intrigue, and “did that just happen?” moments, the core ingredients of any good soap opera, APCH has superb acting, real heft in terms of subject matter (including homophobia, anti-Semitism, sexual assault, and class), touches of our beloved Downton Abbey, and great cars. Beware. If you start, you won’t stop.

February 11, 2019

What I’m listening to:

Raphael Saadiq has been around for quite a while, as a musician, writer, and producer. He’s new to me and I love his old school R&B sound. Like Leon Bridges, he brings a contemporary freshness to the genre, sounding like a young Stevie Wonder (listen to “You’re The One That I Like”). Rock and Roll may be largely dead, but R&B persists – maybe because the former was derivative of the latter and never as good (and I say that as a Rock and Roll fan). I’m embarrassed to only have discovered Saadiq so late in his career, but it’s a delight to have done so.

What I’m reading:

Just finished Marilynne Robinson’s Home, part of her trilogy that includes the Pulitzer Prize winning first novel, Gilead, and the book after Home, Lila. Robinson is often described as a Christian writer, but not in a conventional sense. In this case, she gives us a modern version of the prodigal son and tells the story of what comes after he is welcomed back home. It’s not pretty. Robinson is a self-described Calvinist, thus character begets fate in Robinson’s world view and redemption is at best a question. There is something of Faulkner in her work (I am much taken with his famous “The past is never past” quote after a week in the deep South), her style is masterful, and like Faulkner, she builds with these three novels a whole universe in the small town of Gilead. Start with Gilead to better enjoy Home.

What I’m watching:

Sex Education was the most fun series we’ve seen in ages and we binged watched it on Netflix. A British homage to John Hughes films like The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and Pretty in Pink, it feels like a mash up of American and British high schools. Focusing on the relationship of Maeve, the smart bad girl, and Otis, the virginal and awkward son of a sex therapist (played with brilliance by Gillian Anderson), it is laugh aloud funny and also evolves into more substance and depth (the abortion episode is genius). The sex scenes are somehow raunchy and charming and inoffensive at the same time and while ostensibly about teenagers (it feels like it is explaining contemporary teens to adults in many ways), the adults are compelling in their good and bad ways. It has been renewed for a second season, which is a gift.

January 3, 2019

What I’m listening to:

My listening choices usually refer to music, but this time I’m going with Malcolm Gladwell’s Revisionist History podcast on genius and the song Hallelujah. It tells the story of Leonard Cohen’s much-covered song Hallelujah and uses it as a lens on kinds of genius and creativity. Along the way, he brings in Picasso and Cézanne, Elvis Costello, and more. Gladwell is a good storyteller and if you love pop music, as I do, and Hallelujah, as I do (and you should), you’ll enjoy this podcast. We tend to celebrate the genius who seems inspired in the moment, creating new work like lightning strikes, but this podcast has me appreciating incremental creativity in a new way. It’s compelling and fun at the same time.

What I’m reading:

Just read Clay Christensen’s new book, The Prosperity Paradox: How Innovation Can Lift Nations Out of Poverty. This was an advance copy, so soon available. Clay is an old friend and a huge influence on how we have grown SNHU and our approach to innovation. This book is so compelling, because we know attempts at development have so often been a failure and it is often puzzling to understand why some countries with desperate poverty and huge challenges somehow come to thrive (think S. Korea, Singapore, 19th C. America), while others languish. Clay offers a fresh way of thinking about development through the lens of his research on innovation and it is compelling. I bet this book gets a lot of attention, as most of his work does. I also suspect that many in the development community will hate it, as it calls into question the approach and enormous investments we have made in an attempt to lift countries out of poverty. A provocative read and, as always, Clay is a good storyteller.

What I’m watching:

Just watched Leave No Trace and should have guessed that it was directed by Debra Granik. She did Winter’s Bone, the extraordinary movie that launched Jennifer Lawrence’s career. Similarly, this movie features an amazing young actor, Thomasin McKenzie, and visits lives lived on the margins. In this case, a veteran suffering PTSD, and his 13-year-old daughter. The movie is patient, is visually lush, and justly earned 100% on Rotten Tomatoes (I have a rule to never watch anything under 82%). Everything in this film is under control and beautifully understated (aside from the visuals) – confident acting, confident directing, and so humane. I love the lack of flashbacks, the lack of sensationalism – the movie trusts the viewer, rare in this age of bombast. A lovely film.

December 4, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Spending a week in New Zealand, we had endless laughs listening to the Kiwi band, Flight of the Conchords. Lots of comedic bands are funny, but the music is only okay or worse. These guys are funny – hysterical really – and the music is great. They have an uncanny ability to parody almost any style. In both New Zealand and Australia, we found a wry sense of humor that was just delightful and no better captured than with this duo. You don’t have to be in New Zealand to enjoy them.

What I’m reading:

I don’t often reread. For two reasons: A) I have so many books on my “still to be read” pile that it seems daunting to also rereadbooks I loved before, and B) it’s because I loved them once that I’m a little afraid to read them again. That said, I was recently asked to list my favorite book of all time and I answered Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. But I don’t really know if that’s still true (and it’s an impossible question anyway – favorite book? On what day? In what mood?), so I’m rereading it and it feels like being with an old friend. It has one of my very favorite scenes ever: the card game between Levin and Kitty that leads to the proposal and his joyous walking the streets all night.

What I’m watching:

Blindspotting is billed as a buddy-comedy. Wow does that undersell it and the drama is often gripping. I loved Daveed Diggs in Hamilton, didn’t like his character in Black-ish, and think he is transcendent in this film he co-wrote with Rafael Casal, his co-star.  The film is a love song to Oakland in many ways, but also a gut-wrenching indictment of police brutality, systemic racism and bias, and gentrification. The film has the freshness and raw visceral impact of Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing. A great soundtrack, genre mixing, and energy make it one of my favorite movies of 2018.

October 15, 2018 

What I’m listening to:

We had the opportunity to see our favorite band, The National, live in Dallas two weeks ago. Just after watching Mistaken for Strangers, the documentary sort of about the band. So we’ve spent a lot of time going back into their earlier work, listening to songs we don’t know well, and reaffirming that their musicality, smarts, and sound are both original and astoundingly good. They did not disappoint in concert and it is a good thing their tour ended, as we might just spend all of our time and money following them around. Matt Berninger is a genius and his lead vocals kill me (and because they are in my range, I can actually sing along!). Their arrangements are profoundly good and go right to whatever brain/heart wiring that pulls one in and doesn’t let them go.

What I’m reading:

Who is Richard Powers and why have I only discovered him now, with his 12th book? Overstory is profoundly good, a book that is essential and powerful and makes me look at my everyday world in new ways. In short, a dizzying example of how powerful can be narrative in the hands of a master storyteller. I hesitate to say it’s the best environmental novel I’ve ever read (it is), because that would put this book in a category. It is surely about the natural world, but it is as much about we humans. It’s monumental and elegiac and wondrous at all once. Cancel your day’s schedule and read it now. Then plant a tree. A lot of them.

What I’m watching:

Bo Burnham wrote and directed Eighth Grade and Elsie Fisher is nothing less than amazing as its star (what’s with these new child actors; see Florida Project). It’s funny and painful and touching. It’s also the single best film treatment that I have seen of what it means to grow up in a social media shaped world. It’s a reminder that growing up is hard. Maybe harder now in a world of relentless, layered digital pressure to curate perfect lives that are far removed from the natural messy worlds and selves we actually inhabit. It’s a well-deserved 98% on Rotten Tomatoes and I wonder who dinged it for the missing 2%.

September 7, 2018

What I’m listening to:

With a cover pointing back to the Beastie Boys’ 1986 Licensed to Ill, Eminem’s quietly released Kamikaze is not my usual taste, but I’ve always admired him for his “all out there” willingness to be personal, to call people out, and his sheer genius with language. I thought Daveed Diggs could rap fast, but Eminem is supersonic at moments, and still finds room for melody. Love that he includes Joyner Lucas, whose “I’m Not Racist” gets added to the growing list of simply amazing music videos commenting on race in America. There are endless reasons why I am the least likely Eminem fan, but when no one is around to make fun of me, I’ll put it on again.

What I’m reading:

Lesley Blume’s Everyone Behaves Badly, which is the story behind Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises and his time in 1920s Paris (oh, what a time – see Midnight in Paris if you haven’t already). Of course, Blume disabuses my romantic ideas of that time and place and everyone is sort of (or profoundly so) a jerk, especially…no spoiler here…Hemingway. That said, it is a compelling read and coming off the Henry James inspired prose of Mrs. Osmond, it made me appreciate more how groundbreaking was Hemingway’s modern prose style. Like his contemporary Picasso, he reinvented the art and it can be easy to forget, these decades later, how profound was the change and its impact. And it has bullfights.

What I’m watching:

Chloé Zhao’s The Rider is just exceptional. It’s filmed on the Pine Ridge Reservation, which provides a stunning landscape, and it feels like a classic western reinvented for our times. The main characters are played by the real-life people who inspired this narrative (but feels like a documentary) film. Brady Jandreau, playing himself really, owns the screen. It’s about manhood, honor codes, loss, and resilience – rendered in sensitive, nuanced, and heartfelt ways. It feels like it could be about large swaths of America today. Really powerful.

August 16, 2018

What I’m listening to:

In my Spotify Daily Mix was Percy Sledge’s When A Man Loves A Woman, one of the world’s greatest love songs. Go online and read the story of how the song was discovered and recorded. There are competing accounts, but Sledge said he improvised it after a bad breakup. It has that kind of aching spontaneity. It is another hit from Muscle Shoals, Alabama, one of the GREAT music hotbeds, along with Detroit, Nashville, and Memphis. Our February Board meeting is in Alabama and I may finally have to do the pilgrimage road trip to Muscle Shoals and then Memphis, dropping in for Sunday services at the church where Rev. Al Green still preaches and sings. If the music is all like this, I will be saved.

What I’m reading:

John Banville’s Mrs. Osmond, his homage to literary idol Henry James and an imagined sequel to James’ 1881 masterpiece Portrait of a Lady. Go online and read the first paragraph of Chapter 25. He is…profoundly good. Makes me want to never write again, since anything I attempt will feel like some other, lowly activity in comparison to his mastery of language, image, syntax. This is slow reading, every sentence to be savored.

What I’m watching:

I’ve always respected Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, but we just watched the documentary RGB. It is over-the-top great and she is now one of my heroes. A superwoman in many ways and the documentary is really well done. There are lots of scenes of her speaking to crowds and the way young women, especially law students, look at her is touching.  And you can’t help but fall in love with her now late husband Marty. See this movie and be reminded of how important is the Law.

July 23, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Spotify’s Summer Acoustic playlist has been on repeat quite a lot. What a fun way to listen to artists new to me, including The Paper Kites, Hollow Coves, and Fleet Foxes, as well as old favorites like Leon Bridges and Jose Gonzalez. Pretty chill when dialing back to a summer pace, dining on the screen porch or reading a book.

What I’m reading:

Bryan Stevenson’s Just Mercy. Founder of the Equal Justice Initiative, Stevenson tells of the racial injustice (and the war on the poor our judicial system perpetuates as well) that he discovered as a young graduate from Harvard Law School and his fight to address it. It is in turn heartbreaking, enraging, and inspiring. It is also about mercy and empathy and justice that reads like a novel. Brilliant.

What I’m watching:

Fauda. We watched season one of this Israeli thriller. It was much discussed in Israel because while it focuses on an ex-special agent who comes out of retirement to track down a Palestinian terrorist, it was willing to reveal the complexity, richness, and emotions of Palestinian lives. And the occasional brutality of the Israelis. Pretty controversial stuff in Israel. Lior Raz plays Doron, the main character, and is compelling and tough and often hard to like. He’s a mess. As is the world in which he has to operate. We really liked it, and also felt guilty because while it may have been brave in its treatment of Palestinians within the Israeli context, it falls back into some tired tropes and ultimately falls short on this front.

June 11, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Like everyone else, I’m listening to Pusha T drop the mic on Drake. Okay, not really, but do I get some points for even knowing that? We all walk around with songs that immediately bring us back to a time or a place. Songs are time machines. We are coming up on Father’s Day. My own dad passed away on Father’s Day back in 1994 and I remembering dutifully getting through the wake and funeral and being strong throughout. Then, sitting alone in our kitchen, Don Henley’s The End of the Innocence came on and I lost it. When you lose a parent for the first time (most of us have two after all) we lose our innocence and in that passage, we suddenly feel adult in a new way (no matter how old we are), a longing for our own childhood, and a need to forgive and be forgiven. Listen to the lyrics and you’ll understand. As Wordsworth reminds us in In Memoriam, there are seasons to our grief and, all these years later, this song no longer hits me in the gut, but does transport me back with loving memories of my father. I’ll play it Father’s Day.

What I’m reading:

The Fifth Season, by N. K. Jemisin. I am not a reader of fantasy or sci-fi, though I understand they can be powerful vehicles for addressing the very real challenges of the world in which we actually live. I’m not sure I know of a more vivid and gripping illustration of that fact than N. K. Jemisin’s Hugo Award winning novel The Fifth Season, first in her Broken Earth trilogy. It is astounding. It is the fantasy parallel to The Underground Railroad, my favorite recent read, a depiction of subjugation, power, casual violence, and a broken world in which our hero(s) struggle, suffer mightily, and still, somehow, give us hope. It is a tour de force book. How can someone be this good a writer? The first 30 pages pained me (always with this genre, one must learn a new, constructed world, and all of its operating physics and systems of order), and then I could not put it down. I panicked as I neared the end, not wanting to finish the book, and quickly ordered the Obelisk Gate, the second novel in the trilogy, and I can tell you now that I’ll be spending some goodly portion of my weekend in Jemisin’s other world.

What I’m watching:

The NBA Finals and perhaps the best basketball player of this generation. I’ve come to deeply respect LeBron James as a person, a force for social good, and now as an extraordinary player at the peak of his powers. His superhuman play during the NBA playoffs now ranks with the all-time greats, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, MJ, Kobe, and the demi-god that was Bill Russell. That his Cavs lost in a 4-game sweep is no surprise. It was a mediocre team being carried on the wide shoulders of James (and matched against one of the greatest teams ever, the Warriors, and the Harry Potter of basketball, Steph Curry) and, in some strange way, his greatness is amplified by the contrast with the rest of his team. It was a great run.

May 24, 2018

What I’m listening to:

I’ve always liked Alicia Keys and admired her social activism, but I am hooked on her last album Here. This feels like an album finally commensurate with her anger, activism, hope, and grit. More R&B and Hip Hop than is typical for her, I think this album moves into an echelon inhabited by a Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On or Beyonce’s Formation. Social activism and outrage rarely make great novels, but they often fuel great popular music. Here is a terrific example.

What I’m reading:

Colson Whitehead’s Underground Railroad may be close to a flawless novel. Winner of the 2017 Pulitzer, it chronicles the lives of two runaway slaves, Cora and Caeser, as they try to escape the hell of plantation life in Georgia.  It is an often searing novel and Cora is one of the great heroes of American literature. I would make this mandatory reading in every high school in America, especially in light of the absurd revisionist narratives of “happy and well cared for” slaves. This is a genuinely great novel, one of the best I’ve read, the magical realism and conflating of time periods lifts it to another realm of social commentary, relevance, and a blazing indictment of America’s Original Sin, for which we remain unabsolved.

What I’m watching:

I thought I knew about The Pentagon Papers, but The Post, a real-life political thriller from Steven Spielberg taught me a lot, features some of our greatest actors, and is so timely given the assault on our democratic institutions and with a presidency out of control. It is a reminder that a free and fearless press is a powerful part of our democracy, always among the first targets of despots everywhere. The story revolves around the legendary Post owner and D.C. doyenne, Katharine Graham. I had the opportunity to see her son, Don Graham, right after he saw the film, and he raved about Meryl Streep’s portrayal of his mother. Liked it a lot more than I expected.

April 27, 2018

What I’m listening to:

I mentioned John Prine in a recent post and then on the heels of that mention, he has released a new album, The Tree of Forgiveness, his first new album in ten years. Prine is beloved by other singer songwriters and often praised by the inscrutable God that is Bob Dylan.  Indeed, Prine was frequently said to be the “next Bob Dylan” in the early part of his career, though he instead carved out his own respectable career and voice, if never with the dizzying success of Dylan. The new album reflects a man in his 70s, a cancer survivor, who reflects on life and its end, but with the good humor and empathy that are hallmarks of Prine’s music. “When I Get To Heaven” is a rollicking, fun vision of what comes next and a pure delight. A charming, warm, and often terrific album.

What I’m reading:

I recently read Min Jin Lee’s Pachinko, on many people’s Top Ten lists for last year and for good reason. It is sprawling, multi-generational, and based in the world of Japanese occupied Korea and then in the Korean immigrant’s world of Oaska, so our key characters become “tweeners,” accepted in neither world. It’s often unspeakably sad, and yet there is resiliency and love. There is also intimacy, despite the time and geographic span of the novel. It’s breathtakingly good and like all good novels, transporting.

What I’m watching:

I adore Guillermo del Toro’s 2006 film, Pan’s Labyrinth, and while I’m not sure his Shape of Water is better, it is a worthy follow up to the earlier masterpiece (and more of a commercial success). Lots of critics dislike the film, but I’m okay with a simple retelling of a Beauty and the Beast love story, as predictable as it might be. The acting is terrific, it is visually stunning, and there are layers of pain as well as social and political commentary (the setting is the US during the Cold War) and, no real spoiler here, the real monsters are humans, the military officer who sees over the captured aquatic creature. It is hauntingly beautiful and its depiction of hatred to those who are different or “other” is painfully resonant with the time in which we live. Put this on your “must see” list.

March 18, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Sitting on a plane for hours (and many more to go; geez, Australia is far away) is a great opportunity to listen to new music and to revisit old favorites. This time, it is Lucy Dacus and her album Historians, the new sophomore release from a 22-year old indie artist that writes with relatable, real-life lyrics. Just on a second listen and while she insists this isn’t a break up record (as we know, 50% of all great songs are break up songs), it is full of loss and pain. Worth the listen so far. For the way back machine, it’s John Prine and In Spite of Ourselves (that title track is one of the great love songs of all time), a collection of duets with some of his “favorite girl singers” as he once described them. I have a crush on Iris Dement (for a really righteously angry song try her Wasteland of the Free), but there is also EmmyLou Harris, the incomparable Dolores Keane, and Lucinda Williams. Very different albums, both wonderful.

What I’m reading:

Jane Mayer’s New Yorker piece on Christopher Steele presents little that is new, but she pulls it together in a terrific and coherent whole that is illuminating and troubling at the same time. Not only for what is happening, but for the complicity of the far right in trying to discredit that which should be setting off alarm bells everywhere. Bob Mueller may be the most important defender of the democracy at this time. A must read.

What I’m watching:

Homeland is killing it this season and is prescient, hauntingly so. Russian election interference, a Bannon-style hate radio demagogue, alienated and gun toting militia types, and a president out of control. It’s fabulous, even if it feels awfully close to the evening news. 

March 8, 2018

What I’m listening to:

We have a family challenge to compile our Top 100 songs. It is painful. Only 100? No more than three songs by one artist? Wait, why is M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” on my list? Should it just be The Clash from whom she samples? Can I admit to guilty pleasure songs? Hey, it’s my list and I can put anything I want on it. So I’m listening to the list while I work and the song playing right now is Tom Petty’s “The Wild One, Forever,” a B-side single that was never a hit and that remains my favorite Petty song. Also, “Evangeline” by Los Lobos. It evokes a night many years ago, with friends at Pearl Street in Northampton, MA, when everyone danced well past 1AM in a hot, sweaty, packed club and the band was a revelation. Maybe the best music night of our lives and a reminder that one’s 100 Favorite Songs list is as much about what you were doing and where you were in your life when those songs were playing as it is about the music. It’s not a list. It’s a soundtrack for this journey.

What I’m reading:

Patricia Lockwood’s Priestdaddy was in the NY Times top ten books of 2017 list and it is easy to see why. Lockwood brings remarkable and often surprising imagery, metaphor, and language to her prose memoir and it actually threw me off at first. It then all became clear when someone told me she is a poet. The book is laugh aloud funny, which masks (or makes safer anyway) some pretty dark territory. Anyone who grew up Catholic, whether lapsed or not, will resonate with her story. She can’t resist a bawdy anecdote and her family provides some of the most memorable characters possible, especially her father, her sister, and her mother, who I came to adore. Best thing I’ve read in ages.

What I’m watching:

The Florida Project, a profoundly good movie on so many levels. Start with the central character, six-year old (at the time of the filming) Brooklynn Prince, who owns – I mean really owns – the screen. This is pure acting genius and at that age? Astounding. Almost as astounding is Bria Vinaite, who plays her mother. She was discovered on Instagram and had never acted before this role, which she did with just three weeks of acting lessons. She is utterly convincing and the tension between the child’s absolute wonder and joy in the world with her mother’s struggle to provide, to be a mother, is heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once. Willem Dafoe rightly received an Oscar nomination for his supporting role. This is a terrific movie.

February 12, 2018

What I’m listening to:

So, I have a lot of friends of age (I know you’re thinking 40s, but I just turned 60) who are frozen in whatever era of music they enjoyed in college or maybe even in their thirties. There are lots of times when I reach back into the catalog, since music is one of those really powerful and transporting senses that can take you through time (smell is the other one, though often underappreciated for that power). Hell, I just bought a turntable and now spending time in vintage vinyl shops. But I’m trying to take a lesson from Pat, who revels in new music and can as easily talk about North African rap music and the latest National album as Meet the Beatles, her first ever album. So, I’ve been listening to Kendrick Lamar’s Grammy winning Damn. While it may not be the first thing I’ll reach for on a winter night in Maine, by the fire, I was taken with it. It’s layered, political, and weirdly sensitive and misogynist at the same time, and it feels fresh and authentic and smart at the same time, with music that often pulled me from what I was doing. In short, everything music should do. I’m not a bit cooler for listening to Damn, but when I followed it with Steely Dan, I felt like I was listening to Lawrence Welk. A good sign, I think.

What I’m reading:

I am reading Walter Isaacson’s new biography of Leonardo da Vinci. I’m not usually a reader of biographies, but I’ve always been taken with Leonardo. Isaacson does not disappoint (does he ever?), and his subject is at once more human and accessible and more awe-inspiring in Isaacson’s capable hands. Gay, left-handed, vegetarian, incapable of finishing things, a wonderful conversationalist, kind, and perhaps the most relentlessly curious human being who has ever lived. Like his biographies of Steve Jobs and Albert Einstein, Isaacson’s project here is to show that genius lives at the intersection of science and art, of rationality and creativity. Highly recommend it.

What I’m watching:

We watched the This Is Us post-Super Bowl episode, the one where Jack finally buys the farm. I really want to hate this show. It is melodramatic and manipulative, with characters that mostly never change or grow, and it hooks me every damn time we watch it. The episode last Sunday was a tear jerker, a double whammy intended to render into a blubbering, tissue-crumbling pathetic mess anyone who has lost a parent or who is a parent. Sterling K. Brown, Ron Cephas Jones, the surprising Mandy Moore, and Milo Ventimiglia are hard not to love and last season’s episode that had only Brown and Cephas going to Memphis was the show at its best (they are by far the two best actors). Last week was the show at its best worst. In other words, I want to hate it, but I love it. If you haven’t seen it, don’t binge watch it. You’ll need therapy and insulin.

January 15, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Drive-By Truckers. Chris Stapleton has me on an unusual (for me) country theme and I discovered these guys to my great delight. They’ve been around, with some 11 albums, but the newest one is fascinating. It’s a deep dive into Southern alienation and the white working-class world often associated with our current president. I admire the willingness to lay bare, in kick ass rock songs, the complexities and pain at work among people we too quickly place into overly simple categories. These guys are brave, bold, and thoughtful as hell, while producing songs I didn’t expect to like, but that I keep playing. And they are coming to NH.

What I’m reading:

A textual analog to Drive-By Truckers by Chris Stapleton in many ways is Tony Horowitz’s 1998 Pulitzer Prize winning Confederates in the Attic. Ostensibly about the Civil War and the South’s ongoing attachment to it, it is prescient and speaks eloquently to the times in which we live (where every southern state but Virginia voted for President Trump). Often hilarious, it too surfaces complexities and nuance that escape a more recent, and widely acclaimed, book like Hillbilly Elegy. As a Civil War fan, it was also astonishing in many instances, especially when it blows apart long-held “truths” about the war, such as the degree to which Sherman burned down the south (he did not). Like D-B Truckers, Horowitz loves the South and the people he encounters, even as he grapples with its myths of victimhood and exceptionalism (and racism, which may be no more than the racism in the north, but of a different kind). Everyone should read this book and I’m embarrassed I’m so late to it.

What I’m watching:

David Letterman has a new Netflix show called “My Next Guest Needs No Introduction” and we watched the first episode, in which Letterman interviewed Barack Obama. It was extraordinary (if you don’t have Netflix, get it just to watch this show); not only because we were reminded of Obama’s smarts, grace, and humanity (and humor), but because we saw a side of Letterman we didn’t know existed. His personal reflections on Selma were raw and powerful, almost painful. He will do five more episodes with “extraordinary individuals” and if they are anything like the first, this might be the very best work of his career and one of the best things on television.

December 22, 2017

What I’m reading:

Just finished Sunjeev Sahota’s Year of the Runaways, a painful inside look at the plight of illegal Indian immigrant workers in Britain. It was shortlisted for 2015 Man Booker Prize and its transporting, often to a dark and painful universe, and it is impossible not to think about the American version of this story and the terrible way we treat the undocumented in our own country, especially now.

What I’m watching:

Season II of The Crown is even better than Season I. Elizabeth’s character is becoming more three-dimensional, the modern world is catching up with tradition-bound Britain, and Cold War politics offer more context and tension than we saw in Season I. Claire Foy, in her last season, is just terrific – one arched eye brow can send a message.

What I’m listening to:

A lot of Christmas music, but needing a break from the schmaltz, I’ve discovered Over the Rhine and their Christmas album, Snow Angels. God, these guys are good.

November 14, 2017

What I’m watching:

Guiltily, I watch the Patriots play every weekend, often building my schedule and plans around seeing the game. Why the guilt? I don’t know how morally defensible is football anymore, as we now know the severe damage it does to the players. We can’t pretend it’s all okay anymore. Is this our version of late decadent Rome, watching mostly young Black men take a terrible toll on each other for our mere entertainment?

What I’m reading:

Recently finished J.G. Ballard’s 2000 novel Super-Cannes, a powerful depiction of a corporate-tech ex-pat community taken over by a kind of psychopathology, in which all social norms and responsibilities are surrendered to residents of the new world community. Kept thinking about Silicon Valley when reading it. Pretty dark, dystopian view of the modern world and centered around a mass killing, troublingly prescient.

What I’m listening to:

Was never really a Lorde fan, only knowing her catchy (and smarter than you might first guess) pop hit “Royals” from her debut album. But her new album, Melodrama, is terrific and it doesn’t feel quite right to call this “pop.” There is something way more substantial going on with Lorde and I can see why many critics put this album at the top of their Best in 2017 list. Count me in as a huge fan.

November 3, 2017

What I’m reading: Just finished Celeste Ng’s Little Fires Everywhere, her breathtakingly good second novel. How is someone so young so wise? Her writing is near perfection and I read the book in two days, setting my alarm for 4:30AM so I could finish it before work.

What I’m watching: We just binge watched season two of Stranger Things and it was worth it just to watch Millie Bobbie Brown, the transcendent young actor who plays Eleven. The series is a delightful mash up of every great eighties horror genre you can imagine and while pretty dark, an absolute joy to watch.

What I’m listening to: I’m not a lover of country music (to say the least), but I love Chris Stapleton. His “The Last Thing I Needed, First Thing This Morning” is heartbreakingly good and reminds me of the old school country that played in my house as a kid. He has a new album and I can’t wait, but his From A Room: Volume 1 is on repeat for now.

September 26, 2017

What I’m reading:

Just finished George Saunder’s Lincoln in the Bardo. It took me a while to accept its cadence and sheer weirdness, but loved it in the end. A painful meditation on loss and grief, and a genuinely beautiful exploration of the intersection of life and death, the difficulty of letting go of what was, good and bad, and what never came to be.

What I’m watching:

HBO’s The Deuce. Times Square and the beginning of the porn industry in the 1970s, the setting made me wonder if this was really something I’d want to see. But David Simon is the writer and I’d read a menu if he wrote it. It does not disappoint so far and there is nothing prurient about it.

What I’m listening to:

The National’s new album Sleep Well Beast. I love this band. The opening piano notes of the first song, “Nobody Else Will Be There,” seize me & I’m reminded that no one else in music today matches their arrangement & musicianship. I’m adding “Born to Beg,” “Slow Show,” “I Need My Girl,” and “Runaway” to my list of favorite love songs.

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