#off canny
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turquoisephoenix · 6 months ago
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"After you were slain, I shot Zarok's Champion, Lord Kardok. A clean kill, Sir! Right through the eye at some 300 yards! Err...not that there's anything clever about shooting someone in the eye, Sir!"
Canny Tim and a somewhat pessimistic Sir Daniel Fortesque from MediEvil: Resurrection.
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death-of-cats · 2 months ago
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real loosey goosey TWOW speculation hours:
so, my bet is that whatever stunt Euron is planning on pulling on Oldtown is going to result in not just his destruction but also that of all the Ironborn with him. combine that with Victarion getting cooked from the inside by blowing the dragonbinder horn and Aeron being sacrificed, that leaves only two Greyjoys that could plausibly rule the ironborn*, both of them in Stannis's custody.
and even though it's pretty obvious that Theon is neither physically nor mentally capable of leadership at this point, Stannis is going to look at the situation and see an older sibling trying to take something that legally should go the the younger sibling. and he's gonna get goddamn triggered over it.
*note that i said rule the ironborn, not the iron islands, b/c of my crack theory that the islands are going to get swallowed by the sea (maybe because of the Drowned God's wrath at Euron, maybe for some other reason) and are straight up not going to exist/be inhabited by the end of the series
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flowerflamestars · 3 months ago
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Azriel/Lucien Vanserra, Cassian/Morrigan (A Court of Thorns and Roses) Characters: Nesta Archeron, Elain Archeron, Feyre Archeron, Azriel (A Court of Thorns and Roses), Cassian (A Court of Thorns and Roses), Morrigan (A Court of Thorns and Roses), Lucien Vanserra Additional Tags: Reborn wrong, High Fae are not the top of the food chain, failmarriage, Cassian decides death is better than divorce, (and also fails to get ritually devoured), Nesta and Elain living their best monster lives, Kindness repaid, cruelty also repaid, High Lord mantle vs legal heir chicanery Series: Part 2 of Don’t give them your name. Don’t let them get close. Summary:
There is only me, Cassian wanted to shout, to insist, a misery that sat seated so deep in his bones he could not question the absurdity of it.
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good--merits-accumulated · 4 months ago
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i fear i am endlessly predictable (writing new dps au which is once again fantasy with Arthurian elements)
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#it's an au of the dark is rising sequence by susan cooper#(which is to say it's based mostly off of over sea under stone and the dark is rising - with hints of the grey king running through)#and also to say that really i just wanted to write an homage to a very specific genre of british children's fantasy fiction#that i grew up reading voraciously + which shaped my proclivities and tastes for literature extensively. the little white horse au also#matched this but unfortunately that one is creeping towards the unfinished wips every day#not to get into an abundance of tags but this au revolves around: todd + charlie + meeks as kids and friends on holiday together#and going on a quest to find the grail. which gets sidetracked by keating (charlie's mysterious magical great-uncle) and also#todd gaining supernatural abilities far beyond those a thirteen-year-old boy can reckon with. rip. you know how it is#i think i was just really interested in the way cooper writes will stanton he has such a brilliant. canniness to him#which i suppose is the point after he becomes an old one. anyway! enough waffling in tags!#tristan writes#dps#dead poets society#dps fandom#dps fanfiction#dead poets society fanfiction#no anderperry because they're all kids so no romantic relationships per se (other than in that teenager way -#and also they have like. the world to save and evil to defeat lol)#but neil is here and supernatural and also fun to write. there's a certain cadence#and i like leaning into a more ominous side of him especially when he's so young in this au it's really funny#strangely ethereal looking thirteen-year-old child tells you in his prepubescent voice that the Dark shall reclaim the Light in a#fierce and savage hunt known to history but the likes of which the huntsman has never seen over rushing water.#and you just kind of have to sit there and deal with that#SORRY THESE TAGS GOT VERY LONG I REALLY LIKE THIS AU
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cannibal-anon · 9 months ago
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no tengo tiempo, no sé ni quién sos✨🎵
or, alternatively:
me when i get my hands on toge while cunty argentinian pop plays in the background
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sleep-nurse · 10 months ago
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YAAAAY CONGARTULATIONS HERES A CANNER!1!1 well an attempt. Pretty stylised lol
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my dinnar 🔥
AUHKHJSKHJHKJEKJHGEKGHKEHBTKJ£HBTKJ£HBJKHJKWHNJTHTIOHTIOYHT£()()T£()£T()U%()U%£)=)=(I&)==)&£)=(£U()=&£)=(&(=)(&()=(=()()=OO= I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER IM SO NORMAL OIAKJMIL£;T £()ONKIJLM ; SHE S SO ME P OST RED CARNOVAçL
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aerithisms · 6 months ago
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spent so much of this degree trying to be so thorough and meticulous about reading journal articles but at the eleventh hour i am finally mastering the art of reading the abstract and skipping straight to the discussion lol
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dramalets · 7 months ago
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🙃There are so many historicals coming🙃
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magistralucis · 2 years ago
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cannifag · 21 hours ago
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"first of all its big" yeah i know idc i need her NEEOWWWW
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heartual · 6 months ago
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jelp
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mostlysignssomeportents · 3 months ago
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The Google antitrust remedy should extinguish surveillance, not democratize it
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I'm coming to DEFCON! On FRIDAY (Aug 9), I'm emceeing the EFF POKER TOURNAMENT (noon at the Horseshoe Poker Room), and appearing on the BRICKED AND ABANDONED panel (5PM, LVCC - L1 - HW1–11–01). On SATURDAY (Aug 10), I'm giving a keynote called "DISENSHITTIFY OR DIE! How hackers can seize the means of computation and build a new, good internet that is hardened against our asshole bosses' insatiable horniness for enshittification" (noon, LVCC - L1 - HW1–11–01).
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If you are even slightly plugged into the doings and goings on in this tired old world of ours, then you have heard that Google has lost its antitrust case against the DOJ Antitrust Division, and is now an official, no-foolin', convicted monopolist.
This is huge. Epochal. The DOJ, under the leadership of the fire-breathing trustbuster Jonathan Kanter, has done something that was inconceivable four years ago when he was appointed. On Kanter's first day on the job as head of the Antitrust Division, he addressed his gathered prosecutors and asked them to raise their hands if they'd never lost a case.
It was a canny trap. As the proud, victorious DOJ lawyers thrust their arms into the air, Kanter quoted James Comey, who did the same thing on his first day on the job as DA for the Southern District of New York: "You people are the chickenshit club." A federal prosecutor who never loses a case is a prosecutor who only goes after easy targets, and leave the worst offenders (who can mount a serious defense) unscathed.
Under Kanter, the Antitrust Division has been anything but a Chickenshit Club. They've gone after the biggest game, the hardest targets, and with Google, they bagged the hardest target of all.
Again: this is huge:
https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/boom-judge-rules-google-is-a-monopolist
But also: this is just the start.
Now that Google is convicted, the court needs to decide what to do about it. Courts have lots of leeway when it comes to addressing a finding of lawbreaking. They can impose "conduct remedies" ("don't do that anymore"). These are generally considered weaksauce, because they're hard to administer. When you tell a company like Google to stop doing something, you need to expend a lot of energy to make sure they're following orders. Conduct remedies are as much a punishment for the government (which has to spend millions closely observing the company to ensure compliance) as they are for the firms involved.
But the court could also order Google to stop doing certain things. For example, since the ruling finds that Google illegally maintained its monopoly by paying other entities – Apple, Mozilla, Samsung, AT&T, etc – to be the default search, the court could order them to stop doing that. At the very least, that's a lot easier to monitor.
The big guns, though are the structural remedies. The court could order Google to sell off parts of its business, like its ad-tech stack, through which it represents both buyers and sellers in a marketplace it owns, and with whom it competes as a buyer and a seller. There's already proposed, bipartisan legislation to do this (how bipartisan? Its two main co-sponsors are Ted Cruz and Elizabeth Warren!):
https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/25/structural-separation/#america-act
All of these things, and more, are on the table:
https://www.wired.com/story/google-search-monopoly-judge-amit-mehta-options/
We'll get a better sense of what the judge is likely to order in the fall, but the case could drag out for quite some time, as Google appeals the verdict, then tries for the Supreme Court, then appeals the remedy, and so on and so on. Dragging things out in the hopes of running out the clock is a time-honored tradition in tech antitrust. IBM dragged out its antitrust appeals for 12 years, from 1970 to 1982 (they called it "Antitrust's Vietnam"). This is an expensive gambit: IBM outspent the entire DOJ Antitrust Division for 12 consecutive years, hiring more lawyers to fight the DOJ than the DOJ employed to run all of its antitrust enforcement, nationwide. But it worked. IBM hung in there until Reagan got elected and ordered his AG to drop the case.
This is the same trick Microsoft pulled in the nineties. The case went to trial in 1998, and Microsoft lost in 1999. They appealed, and dragged out the proceedings until GW Bush stole the presidency in 2000 and dropped the case in 2001.
I am 100% certain that there are lawyers at Google thinking about this: "OK, say we put a few hundred million behind Trump-affiliated PACs, wait until he's president, have a little meeting with Attorney General Andrew Tate, and convince him to drop the case. Worked for IBM, worked for Microsoft, it'll work for us. And it'll be a bargain."
That's one way things could go wrong, but it's hardly the only way. In his ruling, Judge Mehta rejected the DOJ's argument that in illegally creating and maintaining its monopoly, Google harmed its users' privacy by foreclosing on the possibility of a rival that didn't rely on commercial surveillance.
The judge repeats some of the most cherished and absurd canards of the marketing industry, like the idea that people actually like advertisements, provided that they're relevant, so spying on people is actually doing them a favor by making it easier to target the right ads to them.
First of all, this is just obvious self-serving rubbish that the advertising industry has been repeating since the days when it was waging a massive campaign against the TV remote on the grounds that people would "steal" TV by changing the channel when the ads came on. If "relevant" advertising was so great, then no one would reach for the remote – or better still, they'd change the channel when the show came back on, looking for more ads. People don't like advertising. And they hate "relevant" advertising that targets their private behaviors and views. They find it creepy.
Remember when Apple offered users a one-click opt-out from Facebook spying, the most sophisticated commercial surveillance system in human history, whose entire purpose was to deliver "relevant" advertising? More than 96% of Apple's customers opted out of surveillance. Even the most Hayek-pilled economist has to admit that this is a a hell of a "revealed preference." People don't want "relevant" advertising. Period.
The judge's credulous repetition of this obvious nonsense is doubly disturbing in light of the nature of the monopoly charge against Google – that the company had monopolized the advertising market.
Don't get me wrong: Google has monopolized the advertising market. They operate a "full stack" ad-tech shop. By controlling the tools that sellers and buyers use, and the marketplace where they use them, Google steals billions from advertisers and publishers. And that's before you factor in Jedi Blue, the illegal collusive arrangement the company has with Facebook, by which they carved up the market to increase their profits, gouge advertisers, starve publishers, and keep out smaller rivals:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jedi_Blue
One effect of Google's monopoly power is a global privacy crisis. In regions with strong privacy laws (like the EU), Google uses flags of convenience (looking at you, Ireland) to break the law with impunity:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/15/finnegans-snooze/#dirty-old-town
In the rest of the world, Google works with other members of the surveillance cartel to prevent the passage of privacy laws. That's why the USA hasn't had a new federal privacy law since 1988, when Congress acted to ban video-store clerks from telling newspaper reporters about the VHS cassettes you took home:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_Privacy_Protection_Act
The lack of privacy law and privacy enforcement means that Google can inflict untold privacy harms on billions of people around the world. Everything we do, everywhere we go online and offline, every relationship we have, everything we buy and say and do – it's all collected and stored and mined and used against us. The immediate harm here is the haunting sense that you are always under observation, a violation of your fundamental human rights that prevents you from ever being your authentic self:
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/blog/2013/jun/14/nsa-prism
The harms of surveillance aren't merely spiritual and psychological – they're material and immediate. The commercial surveillance industry provides the raw feedstock for a parade of horribles, from stalkers and bounty hunters turning up on their targets' front doors to cops rounding up demonstrators with location data from their phones to identity thieves tricking their marks by using leaked or purchased private information as convincers:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/12/06/privacy-first/#but-not-just-privacy
The problem with Google's monopolization of the surveillance business model is that they're spying on us. But for a certain kind of competition wonk, the problem is that Google is monopolizing the violation of our human rights, and we need to use competition law to "democratize" commercial surveillance.
This is deeply perverse, but it represents a central split in competition theory. Some trustbusters fetishize competition for its own sake, on the theory that it makes companies better and more efficient. But there are some things we don't want companies to be better at, like violating our human rights. We want to ban human rights violations, not improve them.
For other trustbusters – like me – the point of competition enforcement isn't merely to make companies offer better products, it's to make companies small enough to hold account through the enforcement of democratic laws. I want to break – and break up – Google because I want to end its ability to bigfoot privacy law so that we can finally root out the cancer of commercial surveillance. I don't want to make Google smaller so that other surveillance companies can get in on the game.
There is a real danger that this could emerge from this decision, and that's a danger we need to guard against. Last month, Google shocked the technical world by announcing that it would not follow through on its years-long promise to kill third-party cookies, one of the most pernicious and dangerous tools of commercial surveillance. The reason for this volte-face appears to be concern that the EU would view killing third-party cookies as anticompetitive, since Google intended to maintain commercial surveillance using its Orwellian "Privacy Sandbox" technology in Chrome, with the effect that everyone except Google would find it harder to spy on us as we used the internet:
https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/googles-trail-of-crumbs
It's true! This is anticompetitive. But the answer isn't to preserve the universal power of tech companies large and small to violate our human rights – it's to ban everyone, especially Google, from spying on us!
This current in competition law is still on the fringe, but the Google case – which finds the company illegally dominating surveillance advertising, but rejects the idea that surveillance is itself a harm – offers an opportunity for this bad idea to go from the fringe to the center.
If that happens, look out.
Take "attribution," an obscure bit of ad-tech jargon disguising a jaw-droppingly terrible practice. "Attribution" is when an ad-tech company shows you an ad, and then follows you everywhere you go, monitoring everything you do, to determine whether the ad convinced you to buy something. I mean that literally: they're combining location data generated by your phone and captured by Bluetooth and wifi receivers with data from your credit card to follow you everywhere and log everything, so that they can prove to a merchant that you bought something.
This is unspeakably grotesque. It should be illegal. In many parts of the world, it is illegal, but it is so lucrative that monopolists like Google can buy off the enforcers and get away with it. What's more, only the very largest corporations have the resources to surveil you so closely and invasively that they can perform this "service."
But again, some competition wonks look at this situation and say, "Well, that's not right, we need to make sure that everyone can do attribution." This was a (completely mad) premise in the (otherwise very good) 2020 Competition and Markets Authority market-study on "Online platforms and digital advertising":
https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5fa557668fa8f5788db46efc/Final_report_Digital_ALT_TEXT.pdf
This (again, otherwise sensible) document veers completely off the rails whenever the subject of attribution comes up. At one point, the authors propose that the law should allow corporations to spy on people who opt out of commercial surveillance, provided that this spying is undertaken for the sole purpose of attribution.
But it gets even worse: by the end of the document, the authors propose a "user ID intervention" to give every Briton a permanent, government-issued advertising identifier to make it easier for smaller companies to do attribution.
Look, I understand why advertisers like attribution and are willing to preferentially take their business to companies that can perform it. But the fact that merchants want to be able to peer into every corner of our lives to figure out how well their ads are performing is no basis for permitting them to do so – much less intervening in the market to make it even easier so more commercial snoops can get their noses in our business!
This is an idea that keeps popping up, like in this editorial by a UK lawyer, where he proposes fixing "Google's dominance of online advertising" by making it possible for everyone to track us using the commercial surveillance identifiers created and monopolized by the ad-tech duopoly and the mobile tech duopoly:
https://www.thesling.org/what-to-do-about-googles-dominance-of-online-advertising/
Those companies are doing something rotten. In dominating ads, they have stolen billions from publishers and advertisers. Then they used those billions to capture our democratic process and ensure that our human rights weren't being defended as they plundered our private data and put us in harm's way.
Advertising will adapt. The marketing bros know this is coming. They're already discussing how to live in a world where you can't measure clicks and you can't attribute actions (e.g. the world from the first advertisements up until the early 2000s):
https://sparktoro.com/blog/attribution-is-dying-clicks-are-dying-marketing-is-going-back-to-the-20th-century/
An equitable solution to Google's monopoly will not run though our right to privacy. We don't solve the Google monopoly by creating competition in surveillance. The reason to get rid of Google's monopoly is to make it easier to end surveillance.
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If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/07/revealed-preferences/#extinguish-v-improve
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Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg
CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en
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foldingfittedsheets · 8 months ago
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We had the most egregiously evil little pony horse when I was growing up. I know everyone says that. Ponies are one of the animals that truly understand how to commit crimes but she was really deeply atrocious. One time she tried to murder me. Her name was Fancy.
I feel I should slightly explain here. See, my parents bought two acres with a house and a barn and pasturage and went “We’re farmers now!” They had absolutely no idea what they were doing. And at a certain point along that journey my mom got her hands on a horse. Technically she was half pony half horse so she was this weird middle size.
Fancy belonged to a friend of hers and he showed her how to saddle Fancy. And that was it. That was all we knew about this horse. So my mom brings her home and saddles her and we decide to go for a ride on this new creature in our lives. But Fancy, being the savvy bitch she was, was far too canny for our dumb asses.
Her maiden ride went to my older brother and ended rather abruptly when the saddle slid completely sideways and my brother toppled off her, miraculously unharmed but unwilling to ever try again. This made me like Fancy somewhat, because I hated my brother.
Those familiar with horse trickery would have caught her ruse but Fancy had deliberately held her breath to make the saddle seem tight enough. But in stride she let the breath out, the saddle loosened, and my brother came toppling down. She planned that fuckup.
I was a bit more game, being a dedicated horse girl. I wanted to succeed where my loathsome brother had failed. Keep in mind: none of us had ever ridden. We had no idea what we were doing, and in the only defense I’ll ever make of that hoofed demon it was probably not pleasant to have a human flopping on her back like a sack of potatoes. But I paraded around in a circle until she scraped my leg against a fence post. I lasted longer than my brother but had to admit riding an animal radiating malice at you is not comfortable.
We didn’t really ride Fancy much after that. She was a decorative aspect to the fields. Sometimes I’d sit on her bare back while she was eating. Every so often she’d buck me off for assuming familiarity with her.
But Fany's coup de grâce took several months. Most of the pasturage had electric fence running along it to keep the livestock from testing the fences or getting a taste for freedom. My parents were constantly moving fence posts and reallocating land to different purposes which is how one of the major gates ended up with electric fence running over top. During a move the wire got left up from the last border and now it was strung over what should have been an open passage.
I was taking a ride on Fancy, living in a fantasy that I had any idea what I was doing. My mom was out working in the yard, and as she passed through she left the gate open, forgetting the wire hazard. You know who didn't forget?
Fancy.
She beelined for the open gate and I realized a second too late what her plan was. I hauled back on the reins with all my strength but she powered through, charging at the wire. If I'd caught on sooner I could have tipped forward and probably cleared it.
It was roughly chest height. But she was too savvy, keeping a slow pace right up until the passage, and I didn't have time to react. The thought of getting electrocuted sent me down into a terrified backward limbo, desperately trying to flatten myself along her back.
Her assassination almost worked. But instead of beheading me the wire caught under my chin, pressing back into my neck like a garrote. The only good news was that the wire wasn't live, but I was still in terrible danger. I squealed and wiggled and managed to twist my neck enough that the wire scraped over my face instead of pressing deeper. Once we were through Fancy stopped and turned to regard me, disappointed that her murder had failed. My neck was bleeding but my head remained attached.
My mother was absolutely terrified and I was pretty shaken myself. We unsaddled Fancy for the last time, as full on attempts on my life were a bit more than I was willing to bear for the sake of pretending to be a fantasy hero on an epic journey. My neck still has a faint scar from her homicidal tendencies.
Fancy got to remain a decorative horse for many years after that, free of our attempts to ride her. Her last torment was when my mother decided to try to breed her to achieve an animal that was less interested in murder.
But Fancy, true to form, brutally attacked the stallion sent to service her, even when hopped up on horny hormones. There would be no foals from Fancy, and her saga ended when we sold her to another unlucky soul.
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justaaveragereader · 24 days ago
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Slashtober🔪||SilenceOfTheLambs!Wooyoung
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Pairing: Wooyoung x Reader
Word Count: 5.5k
Warnings: DARK THEME, Switch!Wooyoung, Bi!Wooyoung, Sub!Reader, Biting, Marking, Unprotected Sex, Spit, Dirty Talk LOTS of it, Restraining, Clit Play, Psychological Play, Talks Of Cannibalism, Brief Sub!Mingi, Brief Bi!Mingi, Slight Degradation, Breast Play, Humiliation, Nipple Play, Slight Blood (Wooyoung Grips The Reader and Slightly Cuts The Skin), Slight Exhibitionism, Small Voyeurism…If I Missed Anything…Lemme Know👀👀
Slashtober 24’ Masterlist
NSFW UNDER CUT MDNI!!!!
All Ageless, Blank, and Bot Looking Blogs Will Be Blocked.
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“I’m here to see inmate 1117.” You say into the speaker, one hand gripping your briefcase the other tucked away in your pocket. The cold wind rushes its way past your skin, leaving a chill that runs through your body. Teeth practically chattering as you wait for the buzzer to go off before you can walk through the gates. The dark luminescent words glow through the gray sky, Hala Asylum.
As you step foot into the hallway, your fingertips numb with coldness, and nerves. It’s been a while since you have seen Wooyoung. The nerves consume you with each step you take. Last time you saw him was a bit over three months ago, you needed additional help with a case, and who better to ask the once well respected forensic psychiatrist. The security guards outside of the room look down at you. Very much well acquainted with your visits. Yunho gives you a small smile before telling you to stand with your arms out so he can scan you over with the metal detector wand.
“I was almost worried we had scared you away.” Yunho says while telling you to turn around so he can scan the back of you. That warm smile on his face, heats your body up a bit. It’s always exciting to see a familiar face.
“We scared her away? She’s literally going to meet up with a canni-.” Yunho hits Mingi in the stomach with the wand, causing him to crouch in pain. Letting out a wheezing noise he looks at Yunho with betrayal in his eyes. Turning around you look at the bent over man. Giving him a small smile before your eyes drift back over to Yunho.
“Sorry about him, he hasn’t had any dinner yet. He gets cranky.” Yunho whispers out, making you chuckle. Mingi stands up letting out a groan, trying to stand straight up, wincing as he goes back to his full height.
“Yea my poor empty stomach.” Mingi says sarcastically, eyes darting over to shoot Yunho a dirty look. You pick your briefcase off of the floor before getting buzzed into the room. The sound of the heavy door unlocking was something you would never get used to. Taking in a deep you clutch your briefcase a bit tighter. Nodding your head you walk in. Yunho reassures you that if you need anything to knock on the door twice, or shout for them. Knowing you wouldn’t need them you step foot into the cell. This wasn’t your first rodeo with Wooyoung, while he was a highly dangerous criminal, you knew he had a weak spot for you.
“It’s good to see you again.” He muffled out through his mask. His eyes immediately crinkle seeing you, it had been so long. You pause in the door before a tiny smile graces your face. Palms sweaty with nerves with each step you take.
“Sorry, I’ve been a bit busy.” You say, taking a seat right across from him. Placing your briefcase on the floor, you hold your hands at the table, wanting to warm up with him first before diving into the case.
“You are nervous.” He says matter of factly, not giving you time to question what he means, he follows up with..
“It’s been a little over 90 days since I saw you last, and you are riddled with nerves.” He says observing the way your chest breathes normally, you can’t let him see you sweat.
“Why do you think I’m nervous?”
Moving as forward as he can, the chains that were holding him to his chair restrict his movement. You can see the smile he has under the mask, you are positive he's flashing those pearly whites.
“I know you are nervous.” He says, before leaning back into his chair, chains clanking with each movement, the sound fills the empty room. The clock ticks with each passing second, you both are staring off at each other. Both of you refused to break eye contact, he loved to be bratty towards you.
“Are you done observing? Or would you like a couple more minutes?” You say, eyes not breaking from his fox eyes. Letting out a high pitched laugh he leans forward again, batting his eyelashes at you. Clearly unfazed you put your elbows on the table resting your hands under your chin, annoyed every second that passes.
“Okay!” He says outloud, attempting to toss his hands up before letting out a squeaky laugh.
“I’m done observing. I learned all I needed to know.” Sitting back in his chair once more he watches as you grab your briefcase, the scent of the leather fills his nose causing his face to scrunch, letting out a fake gagging noise you ignore his charade.
“You know we still have terms.” He says, watching your every movement . You shuffle through the papers, grabbing certain items out of certain folders. Watching your skilled fingers, he licks his lips before shifting his eyes back up to you.
“I didn’t forget Wooyoung.”
“You help me with cases, and I tell you things about myself, correct?” You look back up putting the folder on the table, hands locking as you watch him, eyes as void as an empty space, yet when he smiles light never reaches his eyes. He was an empty shell of information, his actions proved just how hollow he was. With times like these between you both, you always struggled with if he was sincere with you. If everything he said to you was the truth, for all you know he could be playing you just how he plays everyone else. Your gut always chose to disagree with that theory. Holding onto the small possibility that he could be being honest, and real with you.
As you pull open the case files you lay them out on the table. Going over certain details of the cases with Wooyoung getting his intel, truly his professional opinion of who the potential suspect could be as you had no leads on these particular cases. As 45 minutes tick by swiftly, the last 15 minutes are always spent talking about your and your personal life.
“Any love interest?” He asks, completely abandoning the folders on the table. You look up at him then up at the clock realizing you have 15 minutes left of the meeting with him. You let out a quiet chuckle. Gathering the papers in front of you before placing them back in the correct spots. Sitting back in your chair you shake your head no.
“Getting straight to the point today.” You say, cracking a small smile at him.
With a shrug of his shoulders he watches your figure, shoulders at alert, breathing trying to calm as you pick at small loose fabric around your wrists. He makes you nervous and not in the logical sense.
“You know me, these 15 minutes are precious.” As he continues to ask you questions the last couple of minutes fly by, as you begin to stand grabbing your briefcase. You give him one last glance before the big door opens. Yunhos smiling figure is on the other side.
“Have a successful time? He asks, stepping to the side so you could step out.
“A lovely time as always!” Wooyoung says, eyes swallowing your fleeing figure. Before you smile at Yunho, that smile was meant for Wooyoung and both men know it. Nodding your head you say your goodbyes to both guards before making your way down the hall. Yunho and Wooyoung lock eyes before Mingi walks in, grabbing the inmate and trailing him back to his cell. Humming out a small tune as Mingi walks him back to his cell. Yunho looks at the fleeing figures walking down the hall, locking up the heavy door. Before making his way back to the cell block he needs to be posted at, humming the same tune as Wooyoung.
~
The loud buzzer of the door alerts Wooyoung who looks up at your warm presence bless the cold room.
“Why hello Y/N.” His sentence comes out muffled due to the muzzle on his face. Your face is as clear as day making sure not to let him get the one up on you, that this talk is strictly business.
“You came back for another visit? So soon.” He says through a smile. Face brightening up with each move you make. Grabbing a folder you flick through it before placing photos on the table. You point to the pictures, making sure his attention lands on them.
Mingi rounds the corner, taking the mask off of Wooyoung. Who lets out a loud sigh at having his face free. As Mingi rounds the table he stops by your shoulder loudly whispering to you..
“He’s been acting up lately so we had to place the mask on him.” Leaving the room, he looks back at you once more. Giving you a thumbs up, you acknowledge he’s trying to give you a signal that if he’s needed to let him know by any means. As you take a seat you look at Wooyoung clearly not impressed by his antics. A giddy smile is on his lips as he lets out a small squeal. Happy that you are back so soon.
“Acting out?” You say, raising your eyebrow. Questioning why he was acting like such an ass.
“I was not acting out. I was simply doing what I do best.” He shrugs before leaning his body close to the table, trying to be as close to you as possible.
“Eating.”
Rather the room just caught a draft or the temperature dropped completely. Trying to contain your composure. You look at him unfazed by his childish antics. You pull out your briefcase, pulling out the files. Letting out a loud sigh, he begins to whine.
“You always wanna work, work, work. You never come up here because you wanna see me.” Cuffs clinking on the metal chair as he throws his tantrum. You stare at him, rolling your eyes as your hands still from grabbing the folders before placing them back. Letting out a sigh, you run a hand over your face. You watch as his features contort on his face. Nose sleek, and sharp. Eyes swirl with darkness, the mole on his face that you’ve always wanted to run your fingers across. He was gorgeous, in such a wicked way. Life is cruel, it must be if it makes a person like him this likeable. Makes sense why all his victims easily went with him, he was like a drug. You take him once, and you are hooked.
As you are midway through your daydreaming, you realize he’s stopped throwing his hissy fit for quite some time. Eyes examining you deep in thought, letting out a weak cough. You divert your eyes before you can mutter out a word he speaks..
“I find you beyond interesting.” He practically whispers..with a small head tilt, he smiles. Cuffs clinking against the metal with each movement he makes. Eyes scanning over your whole face, and figure, your body heats up at his observation of you. Fiddling with your hands, you had an odd attraction to Wooyoung. In another lifetime where he wasn’t a deranged psycho you had hoped that he would’ve wanted to settle down with you, had a life with you.
“You are soft, like a flower. Like a rose, it may sound cliche, I know.” He chuckles before continuing..
“Your stem, spiky, full of thrones, yet when you finally make it past all of that you get to the top. Beautiful, vibrant petals stem from such a character as yourself.” He lets out a small musical hum, which you guarantee you have heard before. As he continues to fill your head with sweet words, he beckons you over close to him. Like a foolish child, you beckon to calls coming from the pied piper. Wanting to feel your warm skin under his chained hands. You stop just short of him, looking down at his figure, head tilting back he beams his beautiful smile at you. Thoughtlessly you toss your leg over his own, seating yourself in his lap. With a small smile on his face he traces small patterns on your pants leg. Muttering to you how he can’t feel enough of your skin due to the clothing. You clutch the fabric of your pants, not too sure what to do in this situation. Your urges are different from what you would logically do. You know subconsciously that he’s in your head, strumming at the knowledge that he’s got you where he wants you. He’s got you in the same predicament he’s had his victims in, the power of knowledge is deadly especially when it comes to Jung Wooyoung.
Pants long gone on the floor while he nips at your skin, leaving small bruises behind. Nose brushing against the pulse point in your neck inhaling your scent every couple of seconds. His tongue rolls over the small bruises he’s left behind. Your panties drenched as he continues to mark you.
“Let me feel you..”he whispers into your ear, soft hands massaging the fat of your thigh. Your cunt clenches at the thought of him being inside you. He wants to feel you in more ways than one. He wants to feel you all over, he wants to be in you, he wants to be under you, and your skin. Thoughtlessly your hands graze over his shoulder, the silence between you both is so defining. The room is thick with need for each other. You try to hold onto any logical thoughts you have, weighing out the pros and cons of the situation. While logical is the winning pro, the cons sound way to delicious to pass up.
Opening your blouse you try to hurry and undo the buttons. You wind up pausing your movements temporarily as he begins to speak…
“Ah, Ah, Ah, slow down pretty. We aren’t in a rush.” He whispers out, palming his hard on. Thick member throbbing through his prison jumpsuit. His eyes grow darker watching as your fingertips begin to slowly pluck open the blouse. Your breast coming into sight, his eyes flutter. Growing hooded as your soft flesh comes into his eyesight. The soft plump flesh slightly spilling over your bra.
“You smell so good.” He muffles out, mouth full of your breast. One hand tweaks your pebbled nipple. Rolling it in between his thumb and pointer finger. The other holds your breast, mouthing at the soft flesh. As you move closer to him you move back, making your boob leave his mouth with a soft pop. His eyes grow dark as he watches you take off your remaining clothes, tossing them swiftly to the side. Keeping your heels on you, swinging your leg over his thighs. Firmly seating yourself on top of him. He moves his legs as much as he can. The chains clinking against the cold metal chair he’s seated in. You puff your breast out to him, letting your wet nipples bump his face. A small growl leaves his throat before he leans into your chest inhaling your scent once more, before he dives face first into the soft flesh. His one free hand coming up to give your breast a squeeze before pinching your nipple, hearing you squeal as he does such actions has his cock jumping through his jumpsuit. You tilt your head back at the sensation of him rubbing his cool tongue around your areolas. Nipping at the skin around your nipple, leaving small bruises on your flesh. Switching nipples he moves over to your other breast, inhaling as much of your breast as he can. His hot tongue flickers over the bud, with each lick he feels the stiffening bud harden even more under his tongue.
Letting out a loud moan he begins to suckle on it. With his eyes shut, he almost wishes milk would pour from you, so he could drink you down. His eyes flutter shut, as you bring your hand up running through his soft dark locks. Your pussy tingles with each small noise he makes. Almost as if this is more so a treat for the both of you. As you continue to run your fingers through his hair, you begin to rock your hips slightly, putting pressure over his twitching cock. A loud whimper leaves his throat. He continues his heavy breathing as he swaps between each nipple. You grab the back of his head, bumping your heads together. With even more of your breast in mouth he grinds his hips into your clothed cunt. You both are grinding into each other like you are in heat. The cool room begins to heat up, you both are panting. He nips at your nipple, making you let out a small moan, tilting your head back, your chest pushes more into his face. Groaning at your soft flesh, he sucks another mark into your breast, leaving small patterns on the delicate skin. He grips your hip tightly, jerking your body towards him. Nose practically suffocating on your skin. His hot tongue leaves your breast, running all over your warm fresh.
He begins to lap at your skin, your hands grip his shoulders tightly. Moaning his name quietly, trying your best to remain as quiet as possible. With him nipping at your skin, teeth grazing the tender flesh he leaves small bruises behind. His small teeth marks litter your body. Gripping his shoulders a bit tighter as he begins to jerk your hips rapidly back and forth against his throbbing member, you can feel him pulsate through his jumpsuit. Your hands quickly sprawled over his chest, undoing the buttons as quickly as possible.
He snickers quietly, nose coming up to brush against your jawline, inhaling your scent. The groan he lets out is almost as intoxicating as the way he handles you while being chained up. His hooded eyes watch you fiddle with the buttons, the snaps echoing in the room. As you undo the last button you take out his cock. Standing hard, and firm in your hand he lets out a moan, arching his back slightly. He hisses when you begin to pump him slowly, head falling back against the chair, slumping as far as his chains will let him. He watches you with dark eyes, never breaking eye contact.
“Go on..” he says softly, voice still as if he wasn’t just whimpering as he was suckling your breast. His body now slouching as if he was a king on a throne, and not a prisoner chained to a chair because he cannot be trusted to be let loose. He had everyone fooled, he was very clever. He was a trained psychiatrist who did their job perfectly, even in prison people would flock to him. Yet here you were on top of him, feeling like you were the one on the throne.
“You want it? Work for it.” He says pulling his hands up, showing you that they are chained and he can’t do much, or at least you thought. His gaze challenges you, not wanting to let up, you pull your panties to the side, your puffy lips thick with arousal. Letting out a happy sigh he hums that familiar tune once more.
“Look at her..” he practically purrs, voice going straight to your pussy. Shiny with sticky arousal you bite your lip, rubbing two fingers in your cunt. Letting him hear the squelching noises it makes, making sure to tap your swollen bud with each pass through.
“She’s looking like that for me.” He emphasizes, making sure that you knew that you were wet for him. That he was the one bringing you to such a pleasurable state, yet he was confined, not able to move much. The power he held over you was enough to fuel his ego, and his cock. A pretty thing like you panting like a bitch in heat in his lap. Leaking all over his jumpsuit. Your eyes constantly flicker back and forth between his smug face, and his throbbing cock in your hand that you are continuing to pump very slowly earning a hiss from him.
“Well go on pretty, let me make her feel good.” He purrs out once more. Voice making your eyes flutter, his voice sounded like a prayer that was being whispered in your ear. Nodding you sit up slightly, before rubbing his tip between your lips, coating him in your slick before lowering yourself onto him slowly. Back arching as you cunt stretches to accommodate his thickness. As you bottom out, rocking your hips slightly, feeling him snug against you g spot.
“Oh fuck..” you whisper out, hands clutching the shoulder fabric of the jumpsuit. Hiking his hips up, your body bucking up on top of him. You moan loudly, toes clenching in your shoes. That smirk on his face reappears, as he jolts his hips up in quick spurts, chains rattling loudly. His hips move like water, such fluidity as if he wasn’t being held down by metal. Your cunt squeezes on him as his hips snap into yours, a steady rhythm, the chains mixing with the noises of your sopping cunt like they are making their own song.
“You hear that?” He purrs, pulling your hips closer to him, your hands falling forward into his chest. Eyes heavy with pleasure..
“She’s singing for me right now.” He begins to hum along, joining the sounds your cunt and the chains were making. His hums aid in the tune, as if he was creating a song. Leaning your body back against the cold table, breast jiggling with each snap of his hips. Picking your hips up to match his powerful thrusts, he had the hips of a dancer, the fingers of a guitarist, and the mind of a psycho.
“Princess is finally going to do some work, huh?” He asks smirk gracing his pretty lips. Too high on his cock bullying its way inside of you to care you whimper out a small yes. His hands dig into the meat of your thigh, leaving crescent nail marks, fingers strong enough to leave bruises behind. He moves along your body almost as if he’s trying to brand you. You let out a loud whimper, positive that at this rate Mingi and Yunho are holding their ears to the door hearing everything that’s going on. With your upper body lax against the table he gets a full eye shot of your cunt swallowing his cock. Bubbles of arousal seep out as you continue to hike up and down him. Planting your feet on the sides of the chair, snugged under his flexing thighs. The glint in his eye is dangerous, eyes fixated on your bubbling cunt, oozing arousal down his cock. The thick vein on the underside throbs as you are still on top of his body, each deep breath you take feels like you are being lit on fire. Lungs burning with heavy desire. You watch him through hooded eyes, it’s like he knows when your eyes are on him. His own heavy eyes move from your cunt to your face, the light behind his darkness is vacant. He is void of anything, as hollow as any empty husk.
“Are you tired?” He asks with a tilt of his head, playful smirk dancing upon his pretty lips. Letting out a tick noise you lean forward making sure you have your footing correct. Your nose brushes his, taking in a deep breath he etches your scent into his brain. Heavy pants against his lips, while he looks at you through his lashes, that devious smirk never dropping almost as if he’s mocking you, taunting you. Before he has another smart remark you slam your hips down. A high pitch whine leaves his throat, his cuffed hands shooting up to grip your ankles. He needs any piece of your warm skin to help ground him, the softness underneath his fingertips helps bring him back to earth.
“Fu-fuck.” He stutters out, head bobbing back against the metal seat. Eyes darting back to where you and him are connected.
“Count your blessings that I’m being held down. Because if I wasn’t I’d have your bratty ass bent over this table.” He says continuing to stare at your cunt, as if he’s talking to your throbbing pussy. His dirty words make you let out a quiet moan, beginning to move your hips and up down his length.
“I’d shove my cock so deep inside of you, make sure to tire your pretty ass out.” His eyes flick up to look at you. Your body begins to heat with each sentence that leaves his vulgar mouth. You begin to pick up your pace, with his limited motions he wants to talk you through it as much as possible.
“Then when your legs give out from underneath you, I’d turn your pretty body over, and slam your body into a mating press. Making sure I’m deep in that pussy.” Your toes begin to curl into the chair. Hips moving the same speed as he’s talking to you.
“She is a talker, so I know she’d make such pretty sounds.” As he continues talking he remains holding eye contact with you. That warm fuzzy feeling begins to prick at your skin, eyebrows furring together you let out a weak moan, holding eye contact with him while his mouth ran was sex on its own. His intense gaze made the boldest of people cave under such a glare.
“She’s almost as sweet as your own pretty little voice. Look at her, gushing with excitement.” He groans out, eyes flickering down to your cunt. The arousal was beginning to foam around his cock, thick coats of cream paint the sides of him. Moving his hips slightly, matching your pace. One thrust in particular has you flipping forward on him. His hips move fluidly, as if he’s made of water. His hands grip your ankles, hunkering himself down so he can slide in and out of you. Placing your forehead on his own, you lock your hungry lips with him. Tongues dancing to the noises in the empty room.
“Fuck me Wooyoung, please fu-fuck me.”
You hiccup out, fingers curling around his dark locks. Making him let out a small whimper he kisses you again, tongue gliding across your bottom row of teeth before shoving his tongue down your throat. As his nails dig into your soft delicate skin you slam your hips down harsher.
“I’m almost there..” you whimper out, hanging against his lips as he begins to pick up speed, his eyes shut as he pants against your lips.
“Rub your clit for me.” He moans out against your lips, wishing he could let his hands roam free over your body. Moving your hand from his shoulder you harp at your throbbing bud, the contact of your warm finger has your toes instantly locking up on the chair. Thighs begin to shake as your orgasm is swiftly approaching. Wooyoung feels your release, your cunt, clenching and unclenching on him. Keeping his pace he goes harder at his thrusts making sure to brush your spongy spot with each stroke.
“That’s it baby..that’s it.” He groans in your lips before enveloping them in a kiss. White knuckling your skin, cutting it as he grips you tighter. Your blood gathers under his nails. The scent of iron hits his nose, the bloodlust courses through his veins. Letting a loud moan into your mouth he nips at your tongue, your thighs practically vibrating. You drop your body weight against him. Whining to him that you were going to cum.
“Yea..cum pretty girl.” He moans out, nails digging into your further. The sting of his nails has you yelping as he thrusts into you once more, you moan loudly into his mouth, tears pricking at your eyes as he stalls his hips, grinding slowly against that soft spot. As you reach your high Wooyoung continues to grind against your gspot, you howl as your orgasm tears through you, wetting Wooyoungs jumpsuit beneath you. Your body jerks, letting out pathetic whimpers as he continues to slowly grind into you. His hips eventually slow as you are over the peak of reaching your climax. Your body instantly falls slack against his chest. Your legs dangle off of the chair, the small cuts Wooyoung left into your skin are biting at your nerves. His cock still in your, throbbing continuously. Letting out a small whimper at the throbbing, it aids in overstimulating you. Chest rising and falling, your body feels as if you are floating in the clouds, mind blurred as you hear the doors behind to clink.
As your spent body is laid against Wooyoungs upper body. You hear the door opening, your naked backside on display for both guards. Wooyoung moves his head to the side cheerfully greeting both guards.
“Yunho! Mingi! Always nice to see you both!” His eyes crinkle as he smiles at them. Yunhos dark eyes flick to your body on top of Wooyoung who is still balls deep inside of you. The air draft from the door makes your body do a noticeable shiver. Wooyoungs lips kiss your ear lightly..
“I felt your filthy cunt clench on me, happy we got an audience?” He whispers into your ear, the room so small both men heard exactly what he whispered into your ear. Hiking his hips, you moan quietly, body exhausted. You were still slowly coming down from your high as you felt two arms come to wrap under each arm, pulling you off of WooYoungs cock, as they picked up your body your cunt squelches as you are being pulled off. Mingis face flushes at the noise, letting out a small squeal of his own. Wooyoung looks at Mingi who eyes up his wet cock, standing at attention. The new set of eyes on Wooyoung makes his cock twitch.
“Hold her Mingi.” As Yunho makes Mingi hold you up, he goes to shut the large door behind him. Forehead laying against the cool steel door.
“Battling with yourself there Jeong Yunho?” Wooyoung says, tilting his head to the side as if Yunho could see him.
“No.” Yunho replies, locking the steel door behind him before turning around. His body language completely changes , Mingi holds your spent body. While Yunho makes his way towards Wooyoung, undoing his restraints. The metal cuffs fall heavy against the cold floor.
“Yun-Yunho we aren’t supposed to rel-.” Mingis sentence gets cut as you let out a quiet laugh. Eyes flickering up in disbelief. You didn’t even think to put two and two together. Your small noise of surprise makes Wooyoungs cock twitch, the head leaking with pre cum. Mingis eyes darted everywhere in the room, to you, Wooyoungs cock, Yunhos looming figure.
“Don’t you get it?” You are questioning how Mingi could be so naive right now, trying your best to stand on your wobbly legs. Placing both of your hands down onto the table to stabilize yourself while Mingi still holds onto your body loosely.
“Almost shocked you didn’t realize sooner.” Wooyoung says, while tucking himself back into his jumpsuit, your cum staining the front. Keeping it unbuttoned Mingis eyes flicker to him once more before Wooyoung blows him a kiss. Straightening his back up as a blush coats his cheeks.
Man spreading on the chair, he tilts his head back to look at Yunho. Whose gaze falls upon Wooyoung, dark eyes making Wooyoung giggle before standing up and stretching.
“Yunho I don’t like this.” Minho whispers out, trying to find comfort in his friend once more. Wooyoung makes his way slowly around the table, as Yunho makes his way around on the other side. Yunho takes your body, standing at the other side of the table. Bending your naked body over once more. Mingi watches his friends' actions and shifts in his spot. His own cock begins to harden in his pants. Wooyoung walks behind Mingi, hands rubbing small circles into the small of his back, before placing a hand on the middle of it, bending Mingi over slowly Wooyoung stands behind him. While there was a drastic height and size difference Wooyoung still held way more power over Mingi. Letting his body aimlessly bend over. He watches your focused gaze, as you lock eyes with him.
“You don’t like this but your cock is saying otherwise.” Wooyoung whispers into Mingis ear, hands brushing over his bricked member. Letting out a pathetic whimper, Mingi shifts his body while Wooyoung has a hand on the back of his neck in a firm grip.
“Was she good?” Yunho says, his voice hitting an octave that Mingi has never heard. His eyebrows raise confused as your eyes flutter while Yunhos large hands roam your naked body. Your cum dripping down your inner thighs. His hands still at the back of your thighs, spreading your legs apart. Strings of cum stretch as he opens your legs further and further apart.
“Absolutely delicious.” Wooyoung purrs out replying to Yunho as his fingertips dance along Mingis body. Lowering his lips to Mingis ear he whispers just loud enough for everyone to hear..
“So delicious you could eat them all up.”
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jyoongim · 6 months ago
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An old request i thought i would try
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Human Alastor x demon!wife reader
FLUFF
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Something was off about you.
Alastor just couldn’t put his finger on it.
He loved you dearly, he married you after all but there was just something uncanny about you.
You were obsessed with listening to the crime reports on the radio, relished in it. He would often catch you smiling in malicious glee at the gruesome details.
You weren’t like most women when he revealed that he was the cause of most of the murders in your town.
You asked him for details, even if you could go with him to see how he killed his victims.
Being the gentleman he was he refused, saying that blood and brains were nothing a pretty thing like yourself should see.
And for a time you listened.
Until he wasn’t back for dinner.
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You caught scent of blood on the wind and followed it.
You knew Alastor had said he would be out ‘hunting’ tonight and that he would done quickly, but your husband was late and it made you worry.
The sound of a sharp cry greeted your ears and you ran through the woods to see your husband on the ground. His victim had his shovel raised above his head to hit him again and you saw red.
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He should have finished him off when he had the chance, but he wanted to taunt the man. He had underestimated his strength and canny as the man had gotten loose of his restraint and whacked him over the head with his shovel.
His head spun as he looked to the night sky and the only think he could think of was what were you making for dinner.
”Hope you burn in hell you pyscho” the man said as he raised the shovel and Alastor smirked.
How ironic.
The forest grew cold and a chitter rang through the air.
Fear not my love, Ill handle it that sounded like your voice
But how?
The sound of the shovel dropped to the ground as the man whipped around.
A pair of red eyes stared at him and the shadowy figure of a grotesque beast emerged for the trees.
You let out a thunderous growl as you approached the man, your eyes shifting to Alastor to make sure he was alright.
He was breathing, but he was severely wounded.
“what the devil are you?” The man whispered frightened.
You flashed your sharp teeth at him, a wide grin on your lips
”Your worst nightmare”
Alastor groaned as he sat up, his head spinning and in pain. He saw a large creature loom over him, slowly approaching his now attacker.
It was feminine. Long wild hair, a spiky tail, and beautiful black horns.
You jumped at the man, causing him to scream, but he was soon silenced as your claws ripped him in half.
You clawed and ripped into him, gorging him of his innards and chomping into him. You plucked his beating heart and swallowed it, blood dripping from your lips, marring your face.
You let out a huff and turned around to see Alastor staring at you.
You approached him slowly and a bloody claw reached for his face
”Are you alright dearest?”
He tilted his head in confusion at the question and your form shifted back to normal.
His eyes widened “You’re a …”
You smiled sheepishly “Your kind call us demons, though it is a very broad term”
His eyes searched yours and you feared he would shrink away from you, turn tail and run.
But he smiled at you with that suave smile and leaned into your hand
”just when I thought you couldn’t be more perfect”
You helped him up and began to carry him back home.
”I don’t repulse you?” You asked nervously. You had never intended to let your husband in on your true identity, for fear he would abandon you.
But the lanky man nuzzled into your shoulder “heavens no dear, but that does explain everything”
”Can a human fuck a demon?”
You laughed, your eyes flashing as you looked at him
”Care to find out husband?”
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xshimaeraxx · 2 months ago
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okay ik that the fandom LOVES making logan the one who’s the cat-like mutant in the relationship and i LOVE that and it is so canon but like
hear me out here! catboy!! wade!!
a wade who was a mutant long before francis got his grubby little hands in him, wade who was a mutant but it wasnt crazy regenerative abilities or an inability to stay dead/immortality or super-human strength, but a wade who was (still is) a mutant who had the abilities of a fuckin’ cat
a wade who has semi-night vision, not entirely but good enough to help out on jobs; a wade who has lil pinprick pupils like a cat’s and who hisses damn near 24/7 on bad pain days (bc chronic pain-having wade has my entire heart and i will go to the grave w this hc alr); a wade who purrs when happy or in the middle of slicing someone’s head off during a job; a wade who has a cat’s heightened senses- hearing, sight, taste, smell, all of that; a wade who has a cat’s un-fuckin’-canny ability to jump from heights that would’ve killed a human and have at most a small, gone-in-a-day bruise; a wade who has tufts of kitty-cat fur on his elbows and on + behind his knees
and then francis comes along, and the torture happens, and he loses his looks, and then the fur grows back bc fuck but he’d thought he’d lost his og mutation when francis torture mcgee had triggered this new one, had lost the one thing that ness might still recognise him for,,,
and then the start of d&w happens, and during the birthday scene wade’s purring, happy, quietly (so quietly no one hears it half the time, and when they do they assume it’s the faulty heating of wade & al’s shitass apartment, but ness looks at him with a pleased, proud little smile when the sound starts back up after the others’ initial investigation for the source of the sound proves fruitless and it, he gets louder, purely for the way ness’s smile gets wider, prouder in a way that is purely, unabashedly so ness wade wants to go other and kiss her, right then n there) yes but he’s still purring like he hasn’t since pre-cancer-diagnosis him & ness (and also bc francis’s little angel-killer had found the sound annoying as all hell [bc wade also purrs to self-soothe bc I Say So)and so he’d rarely done so since, half out of new-born habit, half out of some primal, hard-learned fear he still hasn’t managed to completely shake, even years later)
and then the honda odyssey scene happens, and wade’s purring, purring, purring, loud and proud and rumbling and happy and he’s also hissing playfully at logan- a motion logan doesn’t notice due to how distracted he is putting his claws thru wade’s left thigh and christ, kittycat, how long’s it been since you had a good hookup for you to be THIS tense?- and logan only notices after wade’s pinned him and his minorly blood-soaked grin freezes; doesn’t drop, but freezes.
wade’s purr stutters a tad, doesn’t stop. he asks, licking the blood off of his cheek underneath his mask and for some reason logan’s sharp eyes follow what he can see of the movement underneath wade’s mask: what’s wrong, peanut, cat got your tongue?
are you- are you fuckin’ purring? asks logan, and the sound abruptly stops, and then deadpool’s stabbing him through the gut with not one word and then they’re fighting again, and while logan notes the moment to think about later, wade also doesn’t say another word other then excited/frustrated grunts and little “haha!”s for the next half hour, and for some reason that about takes up the majority of logan’s attention until he finally, finally, punches wade’s already-broken nose literally not even a millisecond after he’s broken it hard enough that it actually takes a few seconds for wade’s healing to kick in, and for some reason he feels strangely relived when wade lets out a muffled-by-blood ugh! foulplay, wolvie, foulpla-
logan interrupts him via stabbing wade and a like you don’t play just as foul as i do, bub, and wade stabs back in response with some quippy comment or another, and by then the fight’s back on, deadpool-typical quips and all.
like. when i say catboy wade, here, do you see my vision. do you see what i’m imagining. dO YOU SEE IT I SAY
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