#ofc i have other characters for whom my love just needs to get activated

[canichangemyblogname]

Y’all can’t stand that you didn’t get your fantasies and that the representation of queer men on screen ain’t for y’all. But rather than admit “I’m not hot for a non-theoretical depiction of homosexuality like I am for my coffee-stop, one bed, bdsm fan fiction about two theoretically straight men,” y’all gotta paint our representation as “base” and “gross” and “creepy” and “cringe.” And then throw around foreign words y’all don’t know the meaning of—

Now, we’ve got on one hand fans who support representation and happen to write fan works around it and on the other hand fans who prefer fan-canon and the fan works around that. And a large group of those who support only the fan-canon are doing their damndest to malign queer representation in media because they can’t jack off to it the same. Just admit that you read slash-fic because you think it’s hot and then fucking move on. But you have a compulsory need to paint yourself and your fantasies as superior to everyone else, and you do this by tearing down everything that doesn’t fit your desires and by lobbing foreign words you don’t know the meaning of at people you disagree with.

You’re out here shaming queer media for a displays of queer desire and sexuality, and then painting that as activism all in an effort to paint yourself as the Most Moral™️ . You really think you’re doing something positive for queer people by tearing down good-faith representation that you don’t consider to be an acceptable, loving, and healthy relationship (all very loaded terms with a wealth of sociopolitical implications under a patriarchy)? Y’all are out here genuinely arguing that what truly makes homosexuality valid and acceptable is a nuclear family-like dynamic—but only after first being friends for 6+ years, ofc.

What was it I said about tropes, again? Oh, this:

“[Popular] fanfiction tropes— from ‘there’s only one bed’ to ‘we’re forced together, but fall in love anyway’— are responses to the sex-negativity and purity culture norms forced upon gender and sexual minorities. They provide a workaround for these norms but never a direct challenge. It’s like the Family Guy episode ‘Prick Up Your Ears,’ where conservative Christian abstinence-only sex education leads to kids having ear sex. Ear sex is the workaround to the abstinence and purity rules they’d been taught, not the challenge. We still have stringent rules around who can touch whom and under what circumstances. Tropes reflect this. So, a trope like ‘there’s only one bed’ provides the characters with a justification for their intimacy without directly challenging why it is taboo.”

…

“[T]ropes ‘tame’ the characters into a new set of social boxes. Fan fiction tropes often add another set of social conventions to existing social conventions— like living in a heterosexist society— to filter queerness through a heterosexual lens. They erase a man’s queerness so he’s gay only in ways that heterosexual people or heterosexist society can imagine it being okay. Tropes essentially provide an ‘acceptable’ excuse to be gay. Two men falling in love is queer, except when they’re forced together and forced to make nice by forces beyond their control and choice because then it’s okay.

The ‘slow burn’ trope people [] insist makes a relationship more ‘meaningful’ also serves to ‘tame’ the characters. Our heterosexist society [already] believes the only ‘fulfilling’ and ‘valid’ relationships are nuclear families with one mom and one dad, after— of course— the mom and dad ‘took it slow’ (‘did it right’ through courting). A m/m relationship isn’t ‘legitimate’ or ‘valid’ or ‘meaningful’ to our society already simply because it’s between two men. Now add to this the fanfiction convention. A m/m relationship is ‘weird’ and ‘off-putting’ and ‘cringe’ and ‘creepy’ and ‘less meaningful or fulfilling,’ except when they’re just two really good friends for years and years and years (before they ever can consider romance). [So, they essentially have nothing more than a deep brotherhood bond.]

This trope also comes with the suggestion a friendship is less ‘meaningful’ than romance, like somehow two people are any less family because they aren’t fucking. It’s amatonormative and heteronormative.”

The irony of calling person who supports queer representation and relationships in US American media a “fujoshi” and then proceeding to recommend that same someone instead unconditionally support their erotic slash-fiction fantasy. It's the same shit, just different languages,. “Their barbaric yaoi BL, my enlightened A/B/O cumslut mpreg.” STFU you racist, homophobic POS.

But the thing is? Y’all who are throwing this Japanese word around don’t actually care about m/m romance representation like you like to claim. “Shipping” isn’t actually for the representation; representation is the excuse you sold yourself to avoid feeling shame for enjoying reading about men fucking. And men fucking is hot and acceptable and legitimate and cool for y’all only when it’s theoretical. When it ceases to be theoretical, it also ceases to cater to your preferences, and that gives you the “ick.” And since y’all haven’t done the prerequisite unpacking of societal homophobia, when you feel vaguely uncomfortable because the non-theoretical doesn’t “do it” for you, you chalk it up to “queer men are predators,” “queer men cheat and lie,” “queer men don’t respect consent,” “queer men only care about sex” or whatever other homophobic bullshit your Sunday-School Teachers sold you on.

You’ve been confronted with 1.) the fact shipping doesn’t do a damn bit of difference for representation in media; your lie to yourself is just that: a lie, and 2.) there are real men just like the characters you watch, and representation is for them—the real-world queer people—not your fanfiction. But rather than critically re-evaluate why you engage with the media you do, you decide… to harass real-life queer people?

What? Did Y’all think that if you told people “I support fanfiction for the representation,” then they wouldn’t call you cringe? Or that you could use your consumption of A/B/O fics as “evidence” of “activism”? Because what’s sad about you has absolutely nothing to do with fanfiction— far from it. It has everything to do with the fact you can’t engage with media without using real-life homophobic stereotypes to portray that media or justify your interpretations of that media. And fandom is not activism. No amount of writing about men fucking raw while relying on age-old regressive taboos around gender, romance, and sexuality is going to challenge how society views and treats queer people. In fact, you’re reproducing those very views in your writing.

[mikami]

beyond mikami, do you have any other all-time favorite anime/manga characters from other series/franchises?

Oh, absolutely! Mikami is probably both the most important and the most longest-standing with the 12 years he's haunted my existence so far while my affection only grows... but there certainly are more!

This list of icons is in no particular order and includes some pretty recent loves that have the potential to stick with me forever, haha. I'll add names, series and roughly how long they've each been with me...

Boa Alcacer (Beyblade Burst God) - 4 years, Garma Zabi (Mobile Suit Gundam) - 1 year, Kanon (Litchi Hikari Club) - 9 years, Miach Mihie (Harmony) - 5 years, Londo Mollari (Babylon 5) - 10 years

Full Frontal (Gundam Unicorn) - 1 year, George Ace (Tsuritama) - 9 years, Mariko Shinobu (Oniisama e) - 4 years, Ryutaro Fukami (Metal Fight Beyblade) - 10 years, Wilhuff Tarkin (Star Wars) - 4 years

Kohaku (Grand Guignol Orchestra) - 11 years, Kyouichi Saionji (Shoujo Kakumei Utena) - 11 years, Shu Kurenai (Beyblade Burst) - 5 years, McGillis Fareed (Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans) - 1 year, Sothis (Fire Emblem: Three Houses) - 2 years

[aerltarg]

1, 3, 7, 14, 19 + asoiaf 👀 (go off queen 🔥)

1. What OTPs in your fandom do you just not get?

oh boi where to begin 😭

ok i really don't understand what's up w shipping your absolute fave w someone you don't like or straight up hate. bonus points if canonically these characters are not just indifferent to each other but hate the type like the other / is very dismissive towards the other. so you can't even get the love/hate spice from there lmfao, it's literally so bland and sad 😭 also the amount of twisting both characters need to endure to make this at least seem to work out!! what's the point even if in the end of such “ship” you get basically ocs w the names of canon characters?

and what's the point in such “shipping” if you only use the other one (literally the half of said pairing) to prop up your fave? does it really bring ppl joy to turn the whole fucking well-written character into someone else's accessory? relationship goals?? especially in cases when you just know they just have an agenda and want to hide another case of mischaracterizing of certain character.

literally who these ppl are lying to 😭 the funniest shit is that i can get the aggressive hetero shippers more than the ones who hide behind their faux activism shield. the first ones are at least not as hypocritical lmao

there also are some personal pet peeves of mine like smth from the kind of torturer x victim. tho funnily enough enjoyers of such problematic stuff more oft than not are actually very aware of this and are very chill. so while i don't ship this myself i am very cool w their shippers and don't feel any need to wage a holy war on them or smth lol. the same can't be said abt the certain crackshippers who feel the need to drag through dirt any possible “rival” to their *cough*very crack and very straight*cough* otp to “prove” the ~canonicity~ of the said ship. so in the end of the day i think the attitude of real ppl towards other real ppl matter more. i might not ship many things in this fandom and not get maybe as many but i am honestly so okay w them until they are self-aware and stay in their lane.

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

in the fandom like this one? jfc of course 😭💀 it was mostly in the beginning though, now i know better and just don't hit follow button until i'm really, like 100% sure it's worth it lol. this fandom is the best in giving the trust issues i'm afraid

7. Is there anything you used to like but can't stand now?

i used to be a total stark stan and then a martell stan lmao 💀 yes, i confess my sins. back in these dark days when i was young and delusional i enjoyed stark/martell supremacy iirc. what i think of this now? embarrassing 😭 i mean i still have enough warm feelings for canon starks and martells, i've just become extremely allergic to the ~northern independence~ and ~revenge power fantasies~ and all this stuff. bless their unhinged fanbases for scaring me off so fast w their anti dany sentiments (whom i've always dearly loved) and f&b for turning me into complete targ stan lol

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

the distinction between two sides is truly hilarious. there are many different subfandoms ofc but generally it boils down to having certain opinions abt certain characters, the main ones and the ones fandom made more relevant than they canonically are. and these opinions are really so, SO opposite that's it's just killing me 😭 how can two ppl look at the same page and see two completely opposite things? when one person is like 97% right and the other is SO TOTALLY WRONG ZERO READING COMPREHENSION DETECTED LMFAO

imho, meta culture has done unrepairable damage there. you realize this when you see some random ppl using quotes from mf fanfiction as canon proof in a discussion abt canon having NO IDEA it's literally non-existent in the books. yeah, bc they had read somewhere on quora or reddit or tumblr some “analysis” and never once fact checked. you also realize this when you see some total, like absolutely ridiculous crack posted as serious (or in some really lost causes “almost canon”) “theory” and taken as such by other ppl simply bc it looked like a serious essay. ppl buy into this confident tone and quotes in between (but still don't check these quotes even if they don't remember them in canon since they're so blissfully naive abt the certain parts of the fandom that absolutely and shamelessly can change canon quotes just to spread their agenda lol), ppl see bnfs blogs getting asks abt even tiniest details and these bnfs answering oh so confident as if they were grrm himself abt smth that can't even be taken as analysis simply bc of the lack of canon material on the issue. they step on the territory of pure fanon and headcanons but never change the tone and some ppl take this bullshit for granted without blinking.

so yeah my unpopular opinion. for such serious, interesting and complex book series, asoiaf fandom is fucking dumb and deranged and, unfortunately, many really smart ppl have left leaving us w this lot that refuses to use their own brains and that prefers to read some biased “metas” online than actual books and the hypocrites who boost their egos in this dead fandom, freaking out every time anyone tries to challenge them.

special cry out for those who still make this fandom bearable aka content creators whose gifs, edits, arts, metas (i mean real honest metas, not whatever bullshit clown colleges are eager to reblog lmao). despite being paid dust from local pretentious bitches, who forget who is the real customer there all the time, you are still w us and thank you so much for keeping this fandom alive!!! once you leave we will have only satansas' hallucinations posed as smth canon related and unfunny lame jokes 😭

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

hypocrisy and double standards. they're literally everywhere lmfao, can't even count. also some really weird shit like harassing real life pocs over headcanons abt fanon pocs lolol, but that's a whole another conversation lmao. but most of all i hate the lack of basic human decency. some ppl there can doxx, gaslight, lie, go running like cockroaches caught in 4k doing this all but never once apologize to the ppl they harassed and lied abt and still be cool for some fandom places while others will be automatically cancelled for shipping the wrong ship or stanning the wrong character. bc apparently for asoiaf fandom opinions on fiction matter more than the treatment of very fucking real human beings 🤡 how glad am i for seeing which ppl have their priorities straight istg

play with me in the salty ask game!

[katelyn--renee]

Out of the Fire (Part two)

Title: Out Of The Fire (Part two)

Fandom: Supernatural AU

Main Characters series: Reader, Lieutenant Firefighter!Dean Winchester, Lawyer!Sam Winchester, Jessica Winchester (Moore), Nurse!Lisa Braeden (Formerly Winchester), Ben Braeden-Winchester, Harper Winchester (OFC), Charlie Bradbury, Firefighter!Benny Lafitte, Firefighter!Jo Harvelle, Firefighter!Castiel Novak, Claire Novak, Mechanic!John Winchester, Firefighter Captain!Ellen Harvelle, Mechanic!Bobby Singer, Doctor!Arthur Ketch, Nick Vaught and many more!

Pairings: Dean x Reader (eventual), Dean x Lisa (past), Reader x Nick (past), Lisa x Ketch (current), Sam x Jessica (current)

Word count: ±2200 words

Series summary: A slow burn romance. Reader is trying to get away from her troubled past and start fresh; a new name, new town, new friends, and a new job. A clean slate. After years of planning and saving, she is able to open her own business. With the help of her best friend and business partner, Charlie Bradbury, and her new flirty firefighter friend, she is hopeful, even when disaster strikes and her past threatens to catch up with her years later. 

Part two summary: Flashback to when you first met your green eyed hero and their budding romance. 

Warnings series: NSFW, 18+ only! Fire or mentions of fire, fluff (so much fluff), angst, eventual smut, mutual pining, alcohol abuse, alcohol intoxication, mentions of domestic abuse (physical, verbal), mentions of miscarriage, mentions of adultery/cheating, mentions of death, dangerous or life threatening situations, stress, descriptions of injuries, blood, hospital scenes, character death. 

Author’s note: Here is part two! I hope you enjoy this chapter and all it’s fluffy goodness! :)

A special thank you to @that-one-gay-girl and @deanwanddamons for being the wonderful beta’s that you are! Your feedback is always appreciated! Check out their awesome work and spread some love!

All graphics and dividers done by me! :)​

If you like this story, please don’t hesitate to leave a like, comment and if you’re feeling extra generous, share! Your feedback gives me live and motivation! If you would like to be tagged in the series, please don’t hesitate to ask!

Thank you and let’s enjoy this ride together!

<<-- Read part one, here!

Out of the Fire Masterlist!

Interested in more of my work, check out the link below.

Masterlist

About five weeks ago.

The shop was busier than usual, but being the final days of summer, it was expected. It wasn't anything you or Charlie  couldn't handle, of course, but it sure did make for long days and even longer nights of cleanup. 

"Charlie, table two needs refills, table six never got their vanilla lattes, and table four is ready to pay." You announced as you joined your partner behind the counter with a handful of dirty mugs and plates, having just made one of many rounds through the seating area.

The two of you danced around each other gracefully, moving in harmony as you switched from one task to another. “On it.” She acknowledged, already preparing the missing drinks and throwing in a complimentary pastry for the mistake.

You set the pile of dishes down into the sink before turning to the next customer in line, flashing him a friendly smile. “Yes, hi, how can I help you?” You greeted urgently, looking up to meet a set of stunning green eyes. You faltered slightly, taken by surprise by his strikingly good looks.

He smiled, almost bashfully, as he began to place his order, seeming not to notice your hesitation. “A round of coffees, black, for me and my buddies ,” He motioned toward the booth near the large bay window which was occupied by three other bodies; two men and one woman, all of whom adorned matching uniforms. “Cream and sugar on the side. Oh, uh, larges… or eh, talls?” He added with a sheepish chuckle, clearly unfamiliar with the coffee house lingo.

You couldn’t help but giggle at that, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth to prevent yourself from smiling more and potentially embarrassing him. “Venti.” You corrected him playfully. You saw the confused look on his face, his head cocking like a confused puppy, before adding, “For our ‘large,’” 

You used air quotes to emphasize your point, rolling your eyes at the technical terminology. “It’s venti.” You saw it the moment he understood what you were telling him, and he chuckled again, not missing the way he ducked his head to hide the slight flush to his freckled cheeks.

 “Never too old to learn something new.” He chuckled again and winked at you, the gesture setting butterflies loose inside of your stomach. It was your turn to look away this time, your face hot with a blush. He fished his wallet from his dark blue cargo pants, looking at the assortment of baked goods.

“Throw in a few of those bagels and croissants, too, please.” He added, casting his gaze down at the display case once again. “Oh, and a piece of that cherry pie.” He added almost dreamily, pulling out a couple of twenties. 

Upon further inspection, you took notice of the soot and ash that dirtied his face and darkened his hair in certain places. He had dark circles under his gorgeous eyes, too, clearly exhausted after a long shift. You glanced in the direction of his crew members, finding much of the same. “Long night?” You asked, trying to be friendly as much as you were curious.

“I look that rough, huh?” He teased, a look of mock offense accompanying his handsome features.

 You shook your head, a smile still curving your lips at the corners, “Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that.” You clarified hastily as you calculated his order  into the register, making a point to leave off the coffees; it was the least you could do for him… eh, them, right?  

He winked again and laughed, the sound deep in his chest, assuring you that he was only teasing. “I know you didn’t,” The corner of his mouth turned up into a smile, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, watching your face and the way you tried to suppress your smile. “How much do I owe you, sweetheart?” He asked, glancing down at the display screen. 

The term of endearment made your heart flutter slightly, and you couldn’t keep the smile from creeping onto your face again. You swallowed the feeling down, pressing the enter key before you read aloud his total. 

“That’ll be $19.94, Mr. Firefighter.” He rose a questioning brow at the total, glancing up at the menu prices. “Coffee’s on the house.” You added quickly with a closed-lip smile, your eyes sincere. “It’s the least I can do for your services.” 

Several emotions seemed to make their way across his face, contorting it briefly before settling on gratitude. “Thank you.” He said, his voice genuine. He held out one of the twenty-dollar bills, paying for his order. “That was really kind of you, truly.” He smiled softly, glancing down at the name tag attached to your apron. “(Y/N).”

A smile formed on your lips before you could stop it, and your cheeks flushed at the way he said your name, your eyes finding the name embroidered onto the left side of his dark blue button-up shirt, opposite of a silver badge over his heart. Red patches were on either sleeve, proudly showing off the station they serve. “It’s no trouble, Lieutenant Winchester...” You promised with a sly smile. 

He laughed, appreciating your observation. “Dean.” He insisted as you accepted the bill. Your fingers touched, brushing against each other softly. The touch, however slight, was like an electric shock, igniting every part of your body. 

There was an annoyed grunt behind the firefighter, but the two of you paid little attention to it. You put the money into the till and collected his change, but Dean insisted that he didn’t need it. He walked backwards to his table, his bottom lip drawn up between his teeth. The two of you couldn’t seem to stop watching each other, nor did you want to, silently flirting with your eyes. 

You giggled when he bumped into an unoccupied table, watching as he almost knocked over its contents and awkwardly fumbled with the accompanying chair that nearly fell over. He rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled self-consciously, trying to conceal his embarrassment. He ducked his head when he got back to his table, his friends giving him a hard time. 

He hid his face in his palms as a dark-haired man with scruff and blue eyes clapped a hand against Dean’s shoulder, booming with laughter. “Smooth,” You heard the blonde female tease, snickering at her partner. You watched them as you gathered up their order, blushing when you caught him stealing a few glances your way. When finished, you brought their order out to them personally, earning you another wink from the fireman.

The rest of the shift went by in a blur, unable to get those emerald eyes out of your head. Charlie had seemed to notice your distraction and, in perfect Charlie fashion, commented on it as you were closing up shop. “That fireman sure left his mark on you, huh?” She teased, a knowing smile drawing her lips up. 

You scoffed at her and tried to play it off like you didn’t know what she was talking about… and failing. “W-What? No - No, I - Who? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Charlie.” You muttered, locking the doors and placing the keys into your pocket.

She looked skeptical and cocked her hip, propping a hand there. “Uh-huh, sure.” She stated, waving her hands. “And I’m not the Queen of Mordor.” She said sarcastically, “Oh wait, I am.” She said exaggeratedly with her hands thrown in the air, referencing her extracurricular activity of LARPing. 

You rolled your eyes fondly at your best friend; she’d dragged you along to her LARPing weekends on more than one occasion, and you’d humored her, going along with it because it made Charlie happy. “You can’t fool me, sista, now spill the beans.” She insisted, following behind you with the broom as the pair of you cleaned up.

You sighed, wiping down one of the tables and the chairs that joined it, already knowing that you wouldn't win this battle against the feisty redhead. “I don’t know…” You hesitated, chewing on your bottom lip as you thought about the encounter. “I can't explain it, I don’t know how to explain it… but there was just something about him… y'know?" You recalled, picking up one of the chairs and putting it on the table. "I just… I can’t quite put my finger on it…"

Charlie giggled, "Bet you wish you could." She teased, clearly hinting at more than she said. You gasped and feigned innocence, throwing the towel at her. Charlie laughed more, catching the soiled cleaning cloth before it collided with her face. "Oh, come on (Y/N)! I know that look in a woman's eye. I’ve seen it dozens of times! You want him. Bad!"

She threw the cloth back, and you caught it with ease. "Jeez, you make me sound so desperate." You grumbled, not denying Charlie's observation, despite the dramatics. 

Charlie hadn't missed a beat, and she grinned, a cocky sparkle in her eyes. "So you do like him." She chimed accusingly, clearly happy to be right.

You rolled your eyes again, moving onto the next table as Charlie continued sweeping under the one you'd just cleared. "Okay. Yeah, fine." You admitted, "I thought he was cute and charming and sexy in that uniform," 

Charlie made an ‘I-knew-it’ face, but you continued before she could make a sly remark, "But it doesn't matter. It's not like I'm ever gonna see him again." You stated with a reluctant sigh, spraying down the next table with the cleaning agent, trying to hide the disappointment lingering in your voice. You began to scrub at a stubborn spot on the table, trying to distract yourself.

Charlie frowned sadly, reading into your mood, and leaned the broom down against the table before closing the space between you. "I'm sorry for being pushy. It's just that you work all the time. When was the last time you did anything for yourself?" You were about to answer when she held up a finger, "Other than this café. This doesn't count, this is work." 

She had a point. You couldn't remember the last time you'd done anything that didn't involve this little shop. "Exactly. I just wanna see you have some fun and that," She thumbed over her shoulder toward the door, referring to Dean, "was fun." You chuckled softly, your cheeks getting warm at the thought. 

"You deserve to live a little,” She put her arms on your shoulders and squeezed affectionately, “Especially after what that snake put you through." You frowned at the reminder, dread coiling inside of your stomach and a frown pulled at your lips at the mention of your ex, Nick. 

Like always, Charlie didn’t let you get too lost in your thoughts, "And who knows, maybe he has an equally attractive sister for me." She added with a playful shrug and a giggle, effectively distracting you. "Fate works in mysterious ways, sista; you never know what she might throw your way." She added mysteriously, wiggling her eyebrows for added effect. 

As it turns out, Charlie was right. Fate did work in mysterious ways because, in the weeks that followed, Dean continued to show up, sometimes with his crew, but mostly by himself. The times he showed up varied, depending on his work scheduled, which you soon noticed was quite busy. Regardless of the hour, he always showed. 

It wasn't long before you memorized his order by heart; a venti coffee, black, and a slice of pie; whichever flavor was baked for the day's special. The flavor never seemed to be an issue for the firefighter, but it didn’t take you long to realize that cherry was clearly his favorite, with pecan  a close second. 

The pair of you flirted and subtly got to know each other as time went on, teetering somewhere between acquaintances and friends. He’d flirt. You’d flirt. But it never went any further than that.

Charlie teased you about it the whole time, of course. She wouldn’t be your best friend if she hadn’t. You’d just roll your eyes or shake your head every time she’d urge you to "grow a pair and ask him out already." 

You wanted to. Of course, you wanted to; you’d be an idiot not to want that.

But you didn't, of course, because you were too embarrassed and too afraid to act on your feelings. You'd done that once before already, and you paid one hell of a price for it. Hell, in a way, you still were. Nick left such a nasty scar on your heart; you weren't sure if you could ever love again. You were in a constant state of fear, afraid of being hurt again.

Charlie, being the wonderful best friend that she is, always tried to remind you that love… true love… would never hurt you. That real love was the stuff of magic and fairy tales. That what you had with Nick wasn’t love. It helped, a little, but that fear never truly went away, you just sort of learned to live with it.

Maybe someday you’ll feel differently.

And there you have it. Part two is complete. I hope you enjoyed that chapter as much as I did. Awkward/adorable Dean is one of my favs. Haha. 

As always, thanks for reading! 

Read part three, here! -->>

Taglist!

Supernatural

@akshi8278​

Out of the Fire (series)

@vicmc624 // @anotherspnfanfic // @krazykelly // @compresshischest09 // @thefamilybusiness  

[d20owlbear]

oh can you please share the grievances you have over twilight/ the vampires in it or what kind of research you did for your wip? how much blood would the cullens drink?

oh ur in for it now nonnie (thank you i love talking about my stupid lil research holes) 

 1) as we already kinda knew, the source material is... somewhat racist (please read the article here on how Twilight affected the Quileute tribe: https://studybreaks.com/thoughts/twilight-quileute-tribe/ and if you can donate anything to help them, this has been ongoing since 2017 to move to higher ground due to glacier's melting and moving the sea level up https://mthg.org/) 

(as a note, all my opinions here are opinions and I'm NOT pointing fingers or blame at anyone who likes the franchise and story, you're allowed to like what you want, just like, look at it critically) 

-- because of this a loooot of things are considered imperfections including but not limited to: scars and tattoos (cultural or otherwise). Both of these things are 'wiped out' or otherwise reversed by the process of being transformed.

 -- Now, i get scars to a degree, especially in the source material and the wild mistreatment all the vamp characters have gone through (at least of the Cullens/Olympic coven, + some others I'm sure, god is it fucking b l e a k) but that brings up the next point: 

 2) THE SCIENCE IS BAD, now i know what you're gonna say; you're gonna say "Jam, why do you care about the science? It's a *vampire* story! It's fantasy and supernatural, why the science?" because, my dear nonnie, i have standards. and those standards include obsessively researching every single rabbit hole that comes up. 

 Now, I *know* you shouldn't have to research everything ofc, that's fine, even in published fiction, whatever, it's *fine* but we’re talking about MY issues and i get to choose what they are. And it is a personal affront to me because TATTOOS ARE **NOT** SCARS, it's why they don't *heal* like scars do. Sure they get less vivid over time but they *bleed* and blur, they don't get smaller or disappear entirely! If your tattoo scars, it means it was done wrong!! 

(science time: tattoos keep their color because the needles pierce and mangle/kill the cells underneath while depositing ink—this is why tattoos *can* scarify if the wound is made big enough and it's why they're considered open wounds in the first place—and your macrophages (the thing that eats infection bits and things that don't belong in ur bloodstream and body, this is why you can't have the wrong kind of blood transfusion or it'll severely fuck you UP) eat the ruined skin cells in order to make room for new skin cells! EXCEPT it can't digest and get rid of ink! so, the new cells are created around these macrophages and *also* have the ink deposits. ink is however broken down by light and through sheer determination of your body over looooong periods of time, which is why you still gotta treat your tattoos nice) all of this just to say, wtf the tattoos should have BETTER staying power because the ink is no longer getting broken down by new macrophages and like, you're no longer vulnerable to UV or whatever through your skin. Common' StephMeyer you coulda had some real fucking hot tattoos in this world, some old school shit like Godric from True Blood. smdh 

 3) if you're still with me i applaud you cause here's another thing.. .why the FUCK do they kill every human and like animal they feed from??? OK, ok, like so, i get it, humans can only lose so much blood, animals too. (pls excuse my shitty math, i am NOT a math gay by all rights and i actively have friends whom i love that ruthlessly point out I forgot how to add things once. however, this is more or less right, the margin of error is gay just like me) 

 humans have: 4.5-6 L // 9-12 pints of blood lose to die: 4.5-6L // 4-6 pints?? of blood (this conversion killed me, no one tell me the right numbers if they're wrong) Generally, human stomachs have a volume about one liter, which is a little more than one quart (or 2 pints) tho it *can* expand to fit more none of the vampires are ever shown with or mentioned to have a distended stomach after feeding so we can assume that's not happening here. 

 "Hemorrhagic shock begins when you lose about 20 percent, or one-fifth, of your body’s blood or fluid supply. At this point, your heart isn’t able to pump sufficient amounts of blood through your body." (source) 

-- this being said there's more blood that a human can *technically* lose than a human sized stomach can generally fit into it. HOWEVER you will die unless seen to very quickly and before hemorrhagic shock sets in. In twilight saga canon it's pretty clear they Do Not Do This. So like, whatever, super wasteful deaths sure, fine. Keep the vampires unknown, whatever, you do you boyos. 

But also like... the Cullens straight up kill animals too, that's not *actually* what vegetarian means. BUT they don't necessarily ahve to, they apparently eat so messy that it's hard to tear any of them away from feeding and gorging themselves *every two fucking weeks*. They're wiping out the local herd of damn pigs and other big prey and/or predator animals, the fucking ecosystem is in shambles probably. that's right u heard me, 2 weeks which brings us to the next point: 

 4) they can only go 2 weeks, after *gorging* themselves full and killing an animal *EACH* until they ahve to do it all over again. holY SHIT THATS SO MUCH. that's so many dead people or animals, like that's over 100 animals and/or people a YEAR PER VAMPIRE needed to feed these people. And if they *don't* eat, their eyes turn black and they go just full fucking feral and kill someone anyway, possibly multiple someones. 

christ, just do the math, i'm not a math gay but Meyer isn't gay and has no excuse. i'm begging you, one damn thought about the implications of what you're writing, just once. (once again, you're allowed to like this, these are my personal issues with the source material and the "clearly heven't thought through the implications of what you've said" is my largest pet peeve ever ESP in stories and worldbuilding) 

 5) the powers are cool but have no consistency and is built to take advantage of. Which i will. to give my boy FANGS like he goddamn deserves in this godforsaken au/fusion. Finally, and not least, 

6) why the FUCK don't they have fangs this is a fucking vampire fic, it's a STAPLE for a monsterfucking reason damnit. 

 Anyway, dracula and gatsby are both public domain and i get to say how I'm writing them. Vladdy Drac is a bro and so is Jay Gatsby, Crowley's older than both of them in this, and they're all friends because he deserves nice things sometimes. Fuck it. 

 Look at it Meyer, you took a perfectly good gateway monster and turned it into a shiny de-powered superman human. terrible.

[initiumseries]

CAOS Part 3 - review

Uh, okay, so I think by now, we all know this show is terrible. Netflix gives showrunners a lot of creative freedom, and I think, for better writers, you could get some really interesting content, but they just seem to keep giving these assholes who wrote the travesty called Riverdale, so many opportunities to make more shitty television, and I feel like they really deserve to be limited in their ability to create/write if not stopped completely and thrown into a well with Julie Plec.  Anyway, I’ll try to break this down as best as I can into different piles of shit and this will contain spoilers:

Characters

Prudence and Ambrose

So, to be really honest, I watch this show exclusively for Prudence and Ambrose. Because, well, look at them: 

I wish they had more chemistry because they are super hot together, and I still ship it. A young Black couple? On TV? In this sea of shitty interracial relationships? I’ll take it. Anyway, of course, the progression of their relationship is ridiculous and frustrating. Ambrose decides at the last minute, not to kill Father Blackwood because he has a weird time egg thing that they don’t really understand, also he has the twins under some weird mind control for no clear reason, so they stay their hands. It doesn’t make sense, but it becomes clear, Father Blackwood has an insane amount of plot armour and ultimately would have to serve as a vessel for Satan. Father Blackwood uses the manipulated mind of the other weird sister to sic her on the coven, and she ends up killing Dorkus, whom Prudence finds. She then blames Ambrose for not allowing her to kill FB, and they break up. Now...this would kinda make sense, if not for the fact that they trapped one of the pagan witches and forced her to change everyone back, but no one bothered to do anything about the mentally ill witch who you all strapped up for a reason? Lol ok. Seems like an oversight on your part Prudence, but...okay. Clearly manufactured breakups are exhausting, especially since [young] Black couples with no serious relationship dysfunction are now an endangered species. It’s also frustrating because we barely got to see them....*be* together, especially after they returned home. 

Nick & Sabrina

So, I know from the beginning, we were supposed to believe that Nick and Sabrina had that kind of, Bad Guy, seduces the girl Good Girl, luring her into the dark side, hot, intense, passionate relationship. But their lack of chemistry and really shitty acting just made them really dry (which I get into here). I don’t believe them, and I definitely don’t believe that Sabrina would, once again, break a shit ton of rules to get Nick back. I just don’t buy that they had that kind of an intense, desperately in love, kind relationship, because they do not look all that comfortable around each other, much less in love. 

I personally find Sabrina utterly unlikeable as a main character, largely because who IS she? She has no personality, she just does whatever the plot needs her to do in the moment, and the actress makes Sabrina appear smug and unremorseful while she fucks up everyone’s lives. There is a lot of exposition of everyone telling us she’s this power hungry, manipulative character, but we never see that. She just does stuff and everyone is all “Sabrina how could you?!” and there are never, ever any consequences. I would have liked to see her push so hard to get Nick back and the struggle being, sure she wants him back, but mostly she’s doing it because she can. But that’s not what happens. 

So Nick ends up in this weird drug addiction, alcohol, sex demon spiral because he has parts of Satan still in him and it all just falls so flat and lame, because this show is SO bad at pacing, and these actors suck, so nothing is believable. The idea of him scrubbing his club foot, having nightmares, suffering PTSD, is fine, the execution was trash. Nick sees Caliban and Sabrina have one interaction and he’s like WELL, GUESS I GOTTA CHEAT. And just ends up in some S&M situation with sex demons and heavily self medicating, but none of this has any weight, and we don’t really see him...spiralling. He just immediately resorts to these things and it has no real impact on anyone or even him really, and that’s it. 

Harvey and Roz

Uh, they’re probably the most confusing match here, because there is no lead up to their relationship, there’s not suggestion, there’s no pacing. Just BOOM, we’re into each other now. BOOM, Roz is the only sexually active person in her friend group (lol of course the Black girl is sexually active. Gotta maintain white innocence at all costs), so she’s just ready to jump Harvey’s bones any second now. So of course, the show punishes her by having the pagans turn her to stone. And as if that’s not bad enough...

Which I talk about here and here, because honestly I’m just sick of this show’s antiblackness.  Theo & that other guy

So I was watching this unfold like, yeeaahh, they’re gonna make the trans guy get with the enemy aren’t they? And yes, they did. Cool, they didn’t kill him off, but I’m still perplexed at how Theo isn’t even a little upset that this guy was basically sent to infiltrate his friend group and sat by while his people harmed Theo’s friends, and also...used him? Like...we just...are gonna...gloss over that because he changed his mind? Lol ok. Sure.

Mambo Marie and suddenly Zelda?

I...I mean her name is Mambo Marie. I love the idea of Black witches finding Black spirituality and magicks through Vodun and a Hatian Priestess. But they quickly undo that, by ensuring that Mambo Marie only teaches Prudence in the presence of these white witches. And we see her...doing...an African drum circle (eye roll), only to be interrupted by the High Priestess of White Feminism, Zelda Spellman. It quickly devolves into thinly veiled racism where Zelda doesn’t trust Marie because she’s Catholic (says the woman who worships Satan, has an anti Pope and prays to Lilith with the same prayer for Mary mother of Jesus? LOL. Not even unpacking the fact that Vodun is an African spirituality having 0 roots in catholicism WHITE WRITERS). Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Marie and Zelda are a thing for no reason? After the way Zelda treated her? Why did Marie even stay? This isn’t her problem. This is a white witch problem. Okay. That’s too much to unpack. 

Plot

So, my biggest problem with almost all Netflix English programming is that they are so obsessed with aesthetics, and don’t pay enough attention to actual character chemistry, plot, story flow, details, pacing etc. Like...things that actually make stories interesting to watch. So they slap all these people together and throw them into aesthetically pleasing backgrounds, shake it up with so much exposition that nothing actually happens, and are like BEHOLD A STORY. And CAOS is *especially* guilty for this.

First of all those musical breaks were annoying as fuck. Musicals serve 2 story functions: advancing the plot or telling a story. These musical numbers did neither and were honestly ridiculously gratuitous, highly annoying and totally pointless.

What time of year is this? Why are we having pep rallies and how the fuck and when did Sabrina and Roz join the cheeleading squad, and why?

for the aesthetics and not for any real plot reason. It just seems stupid because now I don’t know how much time has passed between Nick going to hell and this, because you’re all handling it like it’s been a few weeks and is still relatively fresh, but suddenly, Theo, Harvey and Roz are in a garage band? You’re a cheerleader? For what? Since when? Why? These choices introduce more questions than they answer and serve no narrative purpose. So much wasted time on shit that doesn’t matter. 

Sabrina is supposed to be fighting Caliban (who is literally the only person she has chemistry with on this show and they killed him bc ofc they did), for her seat on the throne, and yet the trials only seem to come up when it’s convenient, and also seem to be directly related to her dealings with her coven, which is also convenient.  I’m so confused about Satan. His powers come from being a celestial being, and so, because his coven mistreats him he’s like...lol okay, well fuck you guys and goes through all these convoluted small motions to greatly inconvenience them and withdraws his powers? This is so petty and pathetic. Also, what’s the point? He could just wipe them out and start over, instead of skulking around inside FB then suddenly decides to track down Lilith. Again, convoluted. This plot is all over the place. Why does Satan need Sabrina to be Queen of Hell in the first place? He seems perfectly healthy. Why can’t he just rule it? Like...that makes no sense. What is he gonna do? Retire? WHAT is going ON?

How did Sabrina come back in time to herself stuck in stone? Is that trip to Pontius Pilate (lol) supposed to have created a loophole for her to save herself and everyone? This is giving me hardcore Twilight Breaking Dawn vibes, where, the show finally, FINALLY gets interesting, there’s real stakes, shit is actually happening instead of everyone talking about things happening (Hilda ending up killing her fiance was literally the only time I felt something watching this show because it was genuinely sad, and well acted, and Hilda coming through with that doll at the end was pretty disturbing, I’ll give them that), and ofc, Sabrina goes back in time and undoes it all. Lol. Okay. God forbid there be real consequences to anything on this show.

Final thoughts

Once again, the white feminism runs high on this show. They treat this Black Vodun Priestess Marie, like garbage, allude to her “foreign” magic, but Marie is sitting here like “we’re not men, we’re women, let’s work together.” This is why I hate white writers writing for Black characters. Black characters should have Black motivations, and a Black Vodun Priestess, should know that white women and Black women do not have aligned motivations just because they share a gender. Once they started with the bullshit right from her arrival, she should have handed Prudence her card and peaced tf out. Instead she tolerates the isolation, ostracization and thinly veiled racism...and decides to stay, and help. WHY? Marie has gained nothing by sticking around helping these ungrateful ass witches. I honestly would have preferred Prudence asking her to stay to learn more about Vodun, and them building a mentor/mentee type of relationship, especially since Prudence was the one who invited her and stepped to Zelda to defend her. I want(ed) to see that relationship go somewhere. The deliberate denial of healthy Black female friendships on tv is frustrating.

 These witches finally finding their power in their ancestors and I donno, some female creator or whatever, reminds me of white women “finding” wicca and praying to “Gaia”, (reminds me of BTVS s4 when Willow joins the wicca group) which is basically what happened but lol okay whatever. I guess they aren’t satanic witches anymore. Lol, I love how Harvey and Roz and Theo are teenagers, human teenagers, who have lead largely normal teenage lives up until this point, but see their loved ones tortured, deformed or murdered in hell, with basically no residual issues, and are all like, YES, let’s roll up on these adults with shotguns and swords and kill the FUCK outta these people!! That absolutely sounds normal! Like...what? Lol. God this is just so bad.

Also, I’m so confused by this aesthetic choice for Sabrina as Queen of Hell. Like what the fuck. Why is she dressed like a Victorian era queen, with shoulder and a broken rib bodice? What?!

This show is truly awful, this season made no more sense than the last two and now that Prudence and Ambrose aren’t together, I might be done watching. 

-20/10

[wistfulthiinking]

                            starry nights, city lights coming down over me.                                  skyscrapers, stargazers in my head.                                  are we. we are the waiting unknown.                                  this dirty town is burning down in my dreams.                                  lost and found, city bound in my dreams.

how long has your character been in WASHINGTON?

as magic has wound its tendrils around the recesses of his mind, tunny believes that he was born and raised in alexandria, virginia. despite the fifteen minutes of distance, it feels to him as if he’s always lived in the heart of washington. the city is a part of him, it runs through his veins as readily as vital blood. there’s a small piece of him that detests it, an anti-establishment part of his personality that has been poking its head out of dormancy in more recent times following his stint in the army. the young man was quite a rebellious teenager that seemingly reformed in his early twenties when he joined the military. now, after seeing horrible violence firsthand, his faithfulness waivers. 

what is your character’s JOB?

tunny is an active duty corporal in the united states army. though representing the base of army authority, the young man has prided himself on becoming a member of leadership. however, now that he finds himself standing a few months on the other side of his forth deployment to the middle east, his pride is beginning to wane. instead it is replaced with severe ptsd, survivors’ guilt, and genuine sorrow. alcohol and marijuana help when push comes to shove, but tunny remains deeply haunted and uninterested in seeking psychiatric care. 

where has your character been PULLED from in their fandom?

the end of the musical. tunny has been through a complete journey - to the depths of hell and back again to proudly stand beside his two best friends and newfound lover. from a rebellious twentysomething, through his move to the city with johnny that buried him deep in the throes of his bipolar depression. he thought he’d found life’s meaning when he joined the army, only to end up disenchanted and without a left leg. then he met her - a nurse, an angel. with her, life began to make sense once again. rising from the ashes, he returned to jingletown a man slowly becoming complete.

has any MAGIC affected your character?

yes. the only memories tunny has are of a life growing up in virginia, the life he has now. but.. there is that recurring nightmare, it dances across his subconscious and bursts from his chest when he wakes screaming. it never starts badly. he sees three young boys, always cheerful despite the severe dysfunction that awaits them at home. they begin to change as children do, their joy becomes angst as their understanding of the world deepens. then the twin towers fall and they are shaken to their cores -- the post-9/11 world is one of stress and uncertainty. the political world is a mess and the three friends have never been lower. drugs and alcohol coax them from the shadows and they happily give in for some relief -- just a little. deciding that their small town is the problem, tunny departs to the city with johnny. it pains them both to leave will, who is to become a dad, behind. the glimmering lights of the city, tunny soon finds, are nothing but a façade and he falls into his mental illness. then his savior comes in the form of an army recruitment commercial. pulled out of his depression, he enlists. it isn’t sunshine and rainbows -- tunny never expected it to be. all the same, the horrors of battle are more than he could have ever envisioned. his eyes widen as he sees the bomb, a warning scream is born on the tip of his tongue but it is too late. he wakes in the hospital, faces of doctors and nurses blurring as he’s told in rushed voices that the left leg has to go -- now. pain grips him, the depression returns as easily as it had waned when mania took hold. the only thing that gets him through is her. the dream allows him a melodic voice, but no face. he longs to reach out and touch her. thin fingers tremble next to the flesh of a cheek -- she is so close that he can feel the warmth of her skin. then he wakes. 

is there any ADDITIONAL INFORMATION  about your character?

tunny is a big, huge, massive MESS. but he is also a teddy bear who just wants to be held and told it’ll be alright. his backstory is heavy, i know, but hopefully he’ll be as loved here as he is by me. 

also PLEASE let me know if i ever forget to tag triggers as this sweet boy is rife with triggering history and i will fix it asap.

are there any wanted CONNECTIONS?

FRIEND GROUP ( open to m/f/nb ): he needs some people to pal around with. after all, his relationships with will & johnny are pivotal to his character in canon. their friendship can be pure, toxic, anything. just give me friendships ! 

FRIEND(S) WITH BENEFITS ( open to f/nb/m ): i love the drama of a fwb scenario just to see where it goes. this can also be related to the friend group wanted connection as well !

THERAPIST ( open to m/f/nb ): later on in his development, but someone PLEASE get this boy some help. 

AN EXTRAORDINARY GIRL [or boy whatever] ( open to f/nb/m ): ofc this baby needs someone with whom he can fall in love. tunny needs a nurturer, someone who understands the complexity of his bipolar disorder and ptsd. he will give as much as he takes, he is a cupcake.

EXES ( open to f/nb/m ): give me ex-partner drama. i crave it.

CO-WORKERS ( open to f/m/nb ): someone to whom he is close with in the military. everyone needs someone to watch their back.

[thatwitchrevan]

2 7 8 17 19 20 I saw how much you loved it so I gave you a lot.

Thanks!

2: Pairing

I think for favorite I’ve gotta say ‘Revastila’. I just love them to death. They’re enemies to lovers, soulmates, and just? beautiful idk. What Can I say about them that hasn’t been said? They’re not only one of the most interesting pairings in SW but make best use of Force Bonds and dynamics between force users. Though I should say I’m mostly talking about fanon Revastila - the canon dialogue for the ‘romance’ actually bugs me lmao.

And for least favorite pairing, I think y’all know this one. It’s got a lot of the same elements as Revastila but it’s just not handled well and I was too invested in the sibling theory to ever get into the ship. Relyo is one of a few SW ships that actively makes me uncomfortable. To me Rey just simply doesn’t like him and she shouldn’t have to! And really you can’t go from actually hating each other to being in love without some kind of development, so like. This was never gonna work in canon and I hate that they even tried it. 

7. species

Favorite = Zabraks? I mean I really like Twi���leks and Togrutas but looking at the distribution of my non-human SW OCs, I have 1 Togruta, 2 Twi’leks, but 3 Zabraks, each of whom I love a lot. Zabraks just have a really interesting design. I mean, come on. Horns.

For least favorite... is it permissible to say ‘Palliduvans’ just because Aurra Sing creeps me out? (yes I did have to look up what her species was.) Otherwise I don’t think I have a least favorite, lol. I guess maybe Neimiodians since they’re one of the most obnoxious racist caricatures and overall really lazy design?

8. concept

Fave is FORCE BONDS like I know this is a super predictable answer for me probably but Force Bonds and long distance communication through the Force is my SHIT. 

Least isss kinda the whole ‘corrupting’ aspect of the dark side. Like okay, I do think it’s interesting to watch a Force Sensitive character be corrupted by power through using the Force and to slowly turn into a villain, that’s super fun. However, the idea that any aspect of the Force is inherently bad and will automatically change you for the worse is so boring to me. I hate it. We don’t need it. Power and selfishness are enough to corrupt people even in space.

Also, a runner up to least favorite: the Sequel Trilogy thing where you can project yourself across the universe but you will Inevitably Die. I hate that. What the fuck.

17. hero

Favorite hero... Leia, I think. I feel like the whole KotOR gang is kind of stretching the definition of hero and ofc Luke is the Classic example but Leia... Leia is strong as hell. Leia is brave. Leia is convicted. Leia just simply does not give up. And even after all the shit she’s been through she’s still really soft and kind hearted and, quite frankly, needs somebody to hold her sometimes? And when she gets mad, she gets mad as hell? I love her. She is the brightest fucking star.

As for my LEAST favorite hero lol, does Anakin count uhhh I don’t even know. Idk who I would honestly call a hero but yet not say that I love them. I can’t even name somebody I love ‘least’ I don’t think. N/A I guess.

19. outfit

oohh.. a hard one. I’ve always liked Padme’s arena outfit in AotC, not only because I’m gay, but because it was one of her then kind of rare non-dress, more practical outfits and because she was completely badass in it. I also really like Leia’s Cloud City dress and Luke’s RotJ all-black outfit. 

For least favorite... can I just say I’m not a big fan of Kanan’s original outfit? He looks like a green bean. I mean I don’t completely hate it cause I’m just so used to it but honestly, wth? I don’t like the stripes or the multiple tones of green, and the single pauldron is awkward. I know he’s supposed to be a uncool dad/weird cowboy so I guess it works but it vexes me.

Also the multi-tone Republic uniforms from KotOR? Burn them.

20. creature

this is also a hard one...I like tookas, gizka, brith......I’m gonna say brith are my favorite because freaking SKY RAYS

least favorite would be the monkey thing Jabba had they’re annoying.

[hvlfseelie-blog]

i think you all know me by now but if you don’t then hi~ i’m sam, she / her, twenty - one years old, from the est timezone and this is my newest character, hal! i also play ben, quill, vander, and auden, but details about hal will be under the cut, so feel free to give that a look then message me here or over @mcrdices if you’d like to plot! let’s get started!

➰ ( DYLAN O’BRIEN, CISMALE, HE/HIM ) *✧.:°░｡ —- is that HAL CARPENTER ?! you know them, right? they are the 26 year old HALF SEELIE & HALF HUMAN !! they’re known for being PENSIVE & SOLICITOUS - but i’d be careful if i were you because they’re also DIFFIDENT & MOROSE.

nathan harold “hal” carpenter is a twenty - six year old half - seelie / half - human from minnesota. he currently lives in los angeles due to his past education. he studied art photography at the local university before he graduated about four years ago. he also works part - time at the la central library as a librarian.

starting from the beginning: hal is the son of a seelie mother and mundane father. his mother is a seelie royalty who left her realm and her entire life behind when she met and fell in love with a mundane man — hal’s father. 

hal is one of their middle children and yes, i have to say one of because surprise! they had nine kids. look i know it’s supposed to be difficult for seelies to get pregnant but...i don’t care. all boys, so hal does, in fact, have eight brothers, all of whom are half - seelie / half - mundane like him ofc.

the carpenters live a fairly typical life in suburban minnesota quite far removed from any shadow world activity whatsoever. hal’s mother being a seelie and their children being half - seelie as a result was never kept a secret among the family. ( of course, with everyone else they had to pretend their pointed ears were merely an inherited family trait passed down to all the children from their mother’s side. ) hal and his siblings were taught just enough about the shadow world to ensure they’d be able to keep themselves safe, were given some very basic magic lessons from their mother just to ensure that they could keep their powers in check and that was about it. otherwise, hal’s lived a completely normal mundane life so far.

his father owns a used car dealership while his mother stays at home looking after the house and children. as a result, they’re certainly not a wealthy family. actually, they’re quite poor. hand - me - downs, handmade gifts coughs weasley sweaters coughs, home - cooked meals every night, never taken a vacation, patches repairing holes in clothes sort of poor. it’s something that’s never bothered hal. he’s content with his lot in life ( mostly ) and despite their financial issues, the carpenter family is a very loving, close - knit bunch.

hal grew up loving hockey and art, photography in particular. he’s got a real talent for it and along with being an excellent hockey player, it was enough to earn him a scholarship to his dream school out here in los angeles. at first his parents were reluctant to let him go, but ultimately decided that this was an opportunity they simply couldn’t let go to waste. so, once hal was finished with high school he went away to college here in los angeles and wound up moving to the city full time upon completing his studies. more than anything else, though, hal is just ready to leave los angeles and go back home to minnesota because he misses it dearly.

so, moving on to personality, potential connections, and other stuff!

shy but not unfriendly. he’s not usually one to start a conversation, but if approached first then things tend to turn out just fine. he’s quiet, modest, prefers to be behind the lens or under a hockey helmet, but he’s also not one to complain.

as previously mentioned, he was fully aware of his seelie heritage and the shadow world, but prefers to stay away from it all. in fact, he’s even sort of embarrassed about his seelie side. quiet as he tends to be, point out that he’s a seelie and he’ll quickly point out that he’s only half - seelie. living in los angeles has been a huge culture shock to him for many reasons, but one of the larger ones is definitely the enormous shadow world presence which was just not a thing in middle of nowhere minnesota where he’s from and had never left the confines of before turning eighteen. 

( btw, he goes back to minnesota literally whenever he can because he loves and misses it so much. going to school in california was his dream and all but he’s just...not a city boy. he doesn’t love his job at the library but he needs it primarily so that he can afford plane tickets to go back home whenever he has the chance. )

actively tries to stay out of shadow world business and tries to stay away from shadowhunters, mostly because that’s what his parents always taught him to do, but he wouldn’t be unfriendly to a shadowhunter. he’d just be wary about trusting them.

as a half - seelie, and according to the shadowhunters wiki hal has all the abilities of any full - blooded seelie, but he has the extra benefits of only being mildly irritated rather than actually harmed by weaknesses like rowan wood and pure iron, knowing his true name which is still tbd holds no real power over him, and he’s perfectly capable of lying though it’s not something he likes to do or tries to do very often.

he does possess seelie magic and is capable of practicing it, but he doesn’t...ever. his mom taught him the basics when he was a kid and he hasn’t really cared to do it since then. he absolutely could if he wanted to, but he’d be rusty and anyway, he doesn’t want to.

hal kinda just wants to live a normal mundane life. he’s not unsympathetic to recent shadow world issues, but he’s pretty sure he’d be useless in this potential fight so he’d rather just do his typical everyday stuff and otherwise stay out of it.

his typical everyday stuff btw is just class, work, taking pictures, music, and that’s about it.

he loves photography, hockey, and drumming. if he doesn’t have a camera or a hockey stick in his hands then he’s got drumsticks in his hands and he’s one of those annoying people who drums on everything. everything. if he doesn’t have drumsticks then he’ll use his hands, he’ll use two pens, whatever he’s got he’ll do it and he’ll basically make you hate him for having the most annoying habit in the world.

( btw...bandmates? he could totally be in a band so if anyone needs a drummer...you can find hal at the library probably drumming on books he’s supposed to be putting back on the shelves )

probably only has a few friends here in the city, but i imagine he’d be very close with them and love them dearly. he’s a protective friend, definitely has that big brother instinct and despite what he might lead you to believe, having eight brothers has taught him to enjoy chaos, be a little ( a lot ) rowdy, get loud when he has to and be loyal af. so, in general he’s a pretty good friend.

absolutely loves hockey. used to play for his school’s team and is a #1 ride or die for the minnesota wild. 10 / 10, super talented player and soft and unassuming as he is off the ice, in the game he will d e s t r o y you.

basically can’t decide if he wants to be a photographer, hockey player, or musician and changes his mind every day.

he’s the nephew of the seelie queen, astrid. she’s protective of him and considers him family but they aren’t especially close. like tbh they barely know each other? and dw because he would honestly never even think to pull the wELL MY AUNT IS THE SEELIE QUEEN card

tl;dr — he’s a ( mostly ) normal, ( mostly ) mundane guy who just wants to take pictures, play hockey, drum, go home to minnesota because he misses it so much, and stay the fuck out of whatever the hell is going on in wilshire, so...ruin his life ok thanks

i think that’s it! if you really read all of this...why, but also message me for plots! i have nothing specific in mind but i’m want anything and everything so you should definitely message me for that! as usual, i’m super excited to write and plot with all of you except for d*lan!

[jinlian]

i dont know if you're the right person to come to but i kind of have some thoughts on fandom women writing m/m sex. im def. not saying women can't write it (esp. considering theres a whole industry filled with men fetishizing lesbians, but thats for another time) but if all they talk and focus on is the sexual aspect and dont care abt anything else, it feels almost fetishy and dehumanizing? there's intersectionality btwn how women creators and gay people are treated but i cant quite grasp it.

i also forgot to mention in the last ask but i feel like the line btwn fetishizing and exploring can be awfully blurry and it’s kind of hard for me to consume media as a result. it’s weird, but i feel the need to look at the person and see what context it’s written in, what their background is, etc. i want to be critical of what im consuming and the person who created it and how im consuming but it’s just kinda weird and causes cognitive dissonance a little. sorry for the ramble.

hey, so, there’s definitely a lot that can be said on this topic! there’s a lot to unpack in your ask both regarding the fetishization thing and how you’re interacting with media. i think what you’re doing is important and you’ve definitely got the right idea but i can also really see where the dissonance comes in a little bit. it’s tough, because you sort of have to walk the line between “everything we consume is problematic, sometimes i just need to enjoy things” and “media doesn’t exist in a vacuum and we need to criticize things when they deserve it.” which – yeah, is a tough line to walk! 

i think at a certain point it unfortunately comes down to individual judgement. i can think jk rowling is pretty shitty while still loving harry potter and what i was able to take from it as a child, while still acknowledging she could have pushed the envelope further. i’m having a much more difficult time knowing what to do with my feelings about rurouni kenshin. et cetera. basically, i try to enjoy things while still being willing to talk about the bad shit, but if i’m feeling like the harmful things way outnumber the good then i’m out of there.

so unfortunately all i can tell you about how you’re consuming media is just to  to use your best judgement. we all need to let ourselves enjoy things. but enjoyment and criticism can and need to go hand in hand. so – just keep being conscious of it. engage and have fun, step back when you feel you need to do that. 

when it comes down it, cishet women writing m/m sex is always going to send off a lot more danger bells to me than wlw doing it. which isn’t to say that all straight women shipping and writing m/m ships are bad, because that’s definitely not true! the answer isn’t to desexualize the ship completely any more than it is to point fingers at any straight girl daring to ship two men together, both options are bad. i’ve definitely seen straight women fans interacting with victuuri for example in a way i felt was very genuine and heartfelt and not creepy at all, and that’s awesome. the weirdness comes in context.

because you’re right – there’s a lot of bad crap out there that does come off as dehumanizing. the fics that completely toss aside any semblance of characterization for the “hot smut” or have clearly done no research into how (cis) gay men have sex and really are just there to focus on the banging. there’s way too much of that – and they’re often the most popular things in fandom (mafia aus, nympho yuuri, that rival au, etc). it’s gross, it’s uncomfortable. so i agree w you.

it gets complicated when you introduce 13-14 year olds to fan spaces occupied by 30-40 y/o women who are producing some of this content. it’s difficult to blame teens when adults should know better. yes, adults belong in fandom spaces. i’m an adult, i like having fun with nerdy things too! but adults also have a responsibility not to be fucking weird about it. younger people will try to emulate the older ppl and get wrapped up in fandom culture, which perpetuates itself, and it’s just a big cycle. sex in fanworks is fine, it really is. but adults in particular need to start doing some critical thinking about who’s sharing fandom space as well as whom their content might be harming.

so there’s an exploration aspect of young teens testing out sexual content, which isn’t inherently bad, but adults producing some of this gross fetishy “what is characterization i just want hot inaccurate unsafe sex smut” should know better. it’s harmful and hurtful. our sexuality does not exist for your entertainment and consumption.

to an extent this can be said of wlw as well, i’ve seen my fair share of it (especially wrt ~omegaverse stuff). this is not to say that trans men and mlm can’t and don’t enjoy this stuff, but they cannot fetishize themselves, that’s totally up to them to create and consume content about their own lives. but there’s an inter-community discussion, as i know there are differing opinions there. which just comes down to this imo: if you’re a cis/cishet woman, just…. think more critically about what you’re doing.

it gets more complicated with wlw i think because we don’t have a lot of stuff that reflects our own stories. i’ve talked a little bit before about how there’s a reason we latch onto male homosocial relationships in media, platonic or otherwise. at least for me, it’s because there’s just a dearth of women in media who even have characters, let alone unique or individual stories, let alone really fleshed out relationships with other women. male relationships are often given so much more depth, exploration, and respect in storylines that i think it’s easy to find ourselves gravitating towards that – especially when we’re looking for relationships of the same gender.

it doesn’t mean that women in media don’t exist or that it excuses any gross things produced by those wlw, because it definitely doesn’t. but i understand why we find those stories compelling. in my experience wlw tend to be more careful and aware of how they’re producing fan content for mlm (though of course not all of us!) simply because the stories feel more personal and they understand how it feels to have their sexuality and identity fetishized for consumption, and are actively trying to avoid it.

none of this ofc applies to every person belonging to each identity, so there are bound to be outliers and aberrations here. that’s fine! i guess this is kind of more of my rambling about general trends and observations.

basically – i think i share your concerns while recognizing that it’s a complicated topic. i like seeing people loving a ship for what it is and wanting to engage with it. gay ppl in particular are looking for stories about ourselves. and all ppl should be fine writing sex and exploring those aspects of relationships in fan content! it just comes down to being aware and responsible and knowing that media and fandom do not exist in a vacuum.

[sambashua]

11 questions tag~ (again)

ayeeee i was tagged back by these binches and this is what i have to say i love you all these were all great questions i had a great time but we need a hard set squad name i vote either “get emma to love stray kids squad” or “god tier squad” idk man let’s do it and wonkwanhaojosh is too damn much and it messes w the wonankwan vibe that has a flow what is wonkwanhaojosh even okay any way

sister’s q’s @yongpal-i 

1. Make a 10-song playlist for your current mood. this playlist which is basically a condensed version of this playlist.

2. What vine do you quote the most? idk man you’d know better than me? maybe it’s an avacado thanks? OH FUCK IT’S I WANT TO SEE MY LITTLE BOY OR “hwhat?”

3. What do you value most in a friend? loyalty and humor!

4. If you could learn any kpop choreography instantly, what would you learn? umm legit so many you know me haaaaaaa but maybe dream in a dream by ten bc that is some lit shit... or coloring book by omg or love cherry motion by choerry bc i’ve been meaning to learn them for so long.. OH FRICK MY FIRST AND LAST THO?? i mean i kinda know all the moves but can i do them? no... idk i legit have a list of dances to learn on my phone there’s literally like 40 rip

5. If you go to your Tumblr activity page, who does it say is your “number one fan?” @s-lay-ing :D then @strawberryboo :D then @lipstick-chathao :D then @justsomekpopstuff :D so many blessed faves! but sorry i haven’t been on in 800 years?

6. What is your ideal clothing style? ummm comfy is my style but i wish i could be like.. chic comfy tbh

7. What is your favorite Snapchat filter? the one w the hearts bc i have a lot of love to give

8. What subject would you like to study, but wouldn’t necessarily want to make a career out of? (for example: I really want to learn about botany!) um all languages??? ever?? i mean they will help me w my career tho idk

9. Would you rather be constantly half an hour early to everything, or constantly 15 minutes late? i mean.. i’m always late but i wish i was that early person so yeah

10. Would you rather have a single day to spend with your top bias or a week to spend with your number 2 bias? um?? an attack?? so yes i would rather spend a day w wonu??? ofc?? but my dilemma is that if i think logically maybe i should go for jaehyun for a week? bc english?? like w wonu we wouldn’t be able to talk which would be so sad:(

11. If you could bring back any disbanded OR inactive group, who would you bring back? umMMMM WONDER GIRLS??? but on the other hand that brought us gashina sigh... maybe uniq just so you can pull yourself together tbh

jamie’s q’s @indiepoptime 

1) If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life what would it be and why? pretty u!!!!!!! bc!!!! it’s like one of my favorite songs ever? but also when you love someone that’s an ult fave for me as well.. idk man

2) If you were in a kpop group what would your group be called and what would your fandom name be? i have a vision w ideas from the minds of @strawberryboo and @yongpal-i and @lipstick-chathao okay so our groups would be BINCH and me and emma would have a subunit called SMAE... our fans would be BONCHES and specific mir stans would be mirbles thank you

3) If you could acquire mastery over ONE skill instantly, what would you pick and why? um i say languages every fucking time for these things so... i’ll say how to talk to people without looking like an idiot that’s be cool

4) First reaction if you spotted your favorite celebrity on the street? i’d probably try to act chill on the outside and then go home and cry akfdjhgfdk idk if i’d try to talk to them?? or just like?? admire them from a distance?? idk i might say hello and tell them i love them

5) First reaction if your favorite celebrity followed you on your favorite social media site? delete EVERYTHING but like also maybe i’d just like post a bunch of positive love things actually bc!! they’d actually see it!!

6) Snap your fingers and you get to steal your favorite outfit off of a kpop idol. What outfit do you pick, off of whom, and why? well everyone know i’m a hO for wonu’s let’s dance boom boom sweater i think?? wHY IS THE PICTURE SO BIG AHHAHAHAHAHAHA

also a big fan of all of chungha’s outfits from why don’t you know if i could pull them off!

7) If you were to get a painless tattoo that you could remove with the press of a button, what would you get and where would you get it? ohhh part of the reason i won’t get a tattoo is that i am very indecisive and have no idea what i’d get! but maybe something on my side or on my wrist if it was painless? bc wrists are very sensitive.. i’d get smth simple probably maybe flowers or a quote or lyrics? i’m not sure but probably colorless and minimal!

8) What is your most prized possession? maybe my computer? or my camera? i’m not a super materialistic person i don’t think but as long as i have friends and memories that’s what i care abt:D

9) What’s a YouTube/online challenge that you have always wanted to try? literally so many! before kpop i was really really REALLY into youtube ajdkghf i’d maybe try to who knows you better sister or best friend? i like all the bf ones as well but i don’t have one ahhhhhh maybe i’d do vlogmas ahahha

10) You get a guarantee that your favorite celebrity will see your social media post but you only get 100 characters. What do you say to them? i’d tell them i love them and support them no matter what they do! and that they should stay happy and healthy and their well being comes before anyone else’s.

11) You wake up in your dream room. What does it look like? LITERALLY BLACKPINK HOUSE LIKE DID YOU SEEEEE IT but i’d have big windows bc i like natural light! i’d want some nice pictures up and a rlly soft bedspread maybe w a cool headboard? idk something that looks clean and open!

emma’s q’s @strawberryboo 

1. if you had to chose one kpop stage outfit to wear for the rest of your life which would you choose? umm okay soo i’ll say jimin hopeless love just bc like damn how epic would i be all the time and also i think i’m tall enough to fill it out

i also think n.flying’s recent outfits are very fun!! and anything wonpil has worn onstage is prime

2. favorite music video aesthetic? any of loona’s mvs?? or gashina like everyone talks abt the dance but everything abt that mv is me sorry to break it to you

3. Group you are most excited for in 2018? for debut? stray kids or loona!! but also the unit and mixnine groups?? idk what’s gonna be the outcome but i’m hoping for like jbj level tier to come out at somepoint idk

4. Recommend me some underrated kpop songs/groups? um! i aways struggle reccing you songs jkdhs but i’ll rec you i’m jelly baby by aoa cream aoa isn’t necessarily underrated but the members in the subunit are! also dawon stars in the mv so i thought you’d enjoy! also deepened by brave girls i’m not sure if you’ve ever listened to rollin’ either tbh??? but that’s them doing a fun lil dp and being cute af!! um omg these are all gonna be gg tbh and i’m not even super sure what you’ve heard and haven’t heard???? so here’s a few: why don’t you say by playback (a jam) i think i love you by sonamoo (one of my fave songs ever rlly) fri. sat. sun. by dalshabet (they didn’t used to be underrated but there old mvs have nearly 5 times the amount that their new one does so?? a crime???) she’s mine by vav (tbh i love all their songs like so so much they have the best jams) 1 2 3 by b.i.g (two are on the unit my babies) woo by imfact (if you haven’t seen this video have you truly lived?) and rescue by younha (i just found this song and have listened to it a lot lately!!) k idk if most of these are considered underrated but it’s fine enjoy binch

5. If you could join any group other than your bias group who would you join and why? maybe monsta??? just bc??? they’re all best boys?? but also maybe the boyz bc so many 98 liners!! oh or gfriend bc 98 line squad and dance wow i’d have a good time idk i’ll join all the groups really

6. Favorite soloist? and some song recs? !!!! i think you know all my fave soloists tho?? i’m a big fan of hyuna, jay park and jimin/jamie park and you’ve also gotten me pretty into heize too ajkfdhdk but i’ve been really digging suran’s wine i think you’ve maybe not heard that one possibly? OH AND SAM KIM I FORGOT but i think we discussed that you listened to all his stuff too akjdfhfg my fave rn is mama don’t worry!

7. Childhood Story? (thanks Cloud) k well now i gotta think of another.. oh here’s a fun one: so when we were still potty training our grandma would give us an mnm when we used the bathroom by ourselves.. so one time i found an brown mnm on the floor of our kitchen and was like ayeee a snack and then i ate it and it was a bug and my grandma just stuck my head under the sink and tried to rinse my mouth out lemme tell you he wasn’t a tasty bug at all

8. Were you in any fandoms before you got into kpop, if so what were they? yeeeee as i said early in this tag i was super super into youtube right before kpop! it was mainly junior year i think? and senior? but um before that i was a bit into 5sos and before that i was superrr into one direction haha but tbh before kpop i wasn’t really involved in the fandom at all like i made my tumblr for kpop and i had a one direction insta (one_directionxoxoxox bitches) but i didn’t rlly talk to anyone lol and it was trash

9. Favorite Comeback/debut of 2017? uMMMM okay so comeback is gotta be my first and last not sorry abt it... and debut i’ll say pristin bc wow it was rlly a masterpiece

10. astrological sign? Myers Briggs type? Hogwarts House (I’m a Gemini, infp, and Gryffindor) cancer sun/leo rising/scorpio moon? idk what all the important ones are tbh; intj; ravenclaw/gryffindor ayeee

11. Random question but what are your favorite names? um i used to have a list of all my favorite names on my old ass ipod touch but i rlly like names they have hard i sounds like isla and lila and stuff? and boys names i like gregory and josef a lot and idk why bc they’re rly basic ajfhkd i also like more gender neutral names like grey and baguette

k i’m done and i won’t tag anyone bc i am lazy but if you wanna do it i wrote out questions here and you can answer those and say i tagged you:)

[noknockingonmydoor]

tell us your ships for rohan please

*BREATHES IN DEEPLY* (I’m sorry for how long this is)

I think Rohan is... Very difficult to ship without losing the essence of his char.. I havent RP'd him before and he's my part 4 best Boi bc I have a soft spot for jerks with hidden depths, things happening under every harsh word he says, and I wanna gradually like Explore why he is the way he is. Like ofc we know he had horrible trauma as a kid that he tries to forget, and then a bunch of weird shit keeps on happening to him bc it's like he actively seeks trouble and chaos, just because he Can, to experience, learn Everything he possibly can, and he never reveals much about himself but sure as hell likes butting into other people's business

He has art to express himself with to the point that he's a shut in who doesn't understand how the world works beyond his need to pour his entire soul into his fictional little world. His creations are quite literally his life essence, what he breathes for, what he fights for, what he'd risk dying for. Like.. this little stinkman has very little boundaries. OK he wouldn't murder and ultimately fights for the right side, but there's no denying that he can be deranged with how far he's willing to go to get the job done

Like, I don't see him as very romantic or guided by emotions, I think him very subtle in expressing his feelings, love language, bc he's just rly self centered and self serving, oblivious to how he might be hurting others with his behaviour. He just craves conflict, because conflicts are what keeps a story going, and with everything he says and does he's just seeking attention, reaction. he's the type to prefer not to linger too much, keeps ppl who are useful, inspiring, interesting close by, others are just pages of a book to be flipped over and cast aside once the moment is over.

But if he were to somehow sincerely fall in love, which I believe he is really reluctant to, but not entirely opposed to? I think it'd be someone whom he can respect, who inspires him to be better, supports him and understands where he's coming from but also knows to talk back to him, argue with him, tell him he's not all that, give him a reality check when he loses all common sense, and then when the storm is over they have a way to show each other that it's all good, to comfort each other, not with words because words are a cheap tool to be used in a heated moment, more likely with a ridiculous, grand gesture of adoration and dedication. So basically a relationship with constant bickering, lots of dramatic relieving of tensions from both sides, lots of unspoken apologies, actions speaking over words, which might be a bit unhealthy but if it works, it works lmaoooo.. Like Rohan is pretty young and inexperienced with relationships, so I can see him not taking anything too seriously, preferring to hit and run when he gets the chance (hehe lol) as he has other things to focus on, but if things do get a bit too deep I do think he'd literally tear down the sky to ensure someone he truly loves is happy, or die trying.

Like I don't think I've ever shipped on a Tumblr RP blog, only like with friends or generally in private and generally just going Deep into a characters psyche, so I honestly don't even know how to approach ppl like 'hey u wanna ship hehe' cuz I don't wanna seem pushy, or like what if we just don't have the same idea of how our ship would work (I am bad at expressing myself to ppl I don't know), cuz bro I feel my interpretation might be a bit too complicated to deal with ngl but like... i am a slut for analyzing, constructing deconstructing characters tearing them apart gluing them together filling in the missing pieces of a puzzle etc etc when it comes to the romantic kind of love

SO, my dear anon.. I don't know if I answered your question how u expected it, but there u have this...... whatever this is

TL;DR: anyone who can put up with his bullshit

[ninjabelle]

I agree w all of this tbh but I just wanted to add that aside from the bad writing and awful implications surrounding Cascas entire character tbh I always saw her giving up on uhh being actively suicidal post sex w Guts as her just pouring the whole 'i can save him/fix him/help him/support him thing left over from her doomed crush on Griff over into Guts after she saw just how damaged he also was. (Think the river scene with Griff, where we also have her comforting a someone going through it *understatement*) I mean yeah that's basically the same as 'she replaced one love interest for another' but because I still desperately want to believe Miura honest to god never intended a g*tsca endgame and wanted them to also be seen as clearly dysfunctional I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess he meant to show that Casca loses her entire will to live or fight when she has no one to love and save, like she CAN'T exist purely for herself and where Griff and her devotion to him kept her going before, and Guts and her care for him supported her after and then her bond w Farnese and the gang and moonboy gave her strenght when she went mad post eclipse it's a pretty strong theme going on with her NEEDING that other person or persons around to function, only feeling absolute hopelessness to the point of wanting to end it once she's sure nothing's left for her, just like Griff when he thought Guts would abandon him again and tbf also like Guts himself who would've probably gotten recklessly killed if it hadn't first been for Griff giving him a place to belong and later Casca whom he felt duty bound to protect after she lost it.

Contrast all that w Griff as Femto building and ruling an entire kingdom yet being as disconnected from everyone else as can be, willingly, and seemingly doing the best overall if you ignore his bthumpthing! Now that's irony.

Themes and all that. I suck writing meta for Casca because I only love a version of her we didnt really get to explore much in canon but I do relate w the whole emotions surrounding the idea of loving someone and wanting to care for them and then when they're suddenly gone just wanting to jump off a cliff because whats the fucking point then, yknow? I felt exactly the same when my mom died. But Miura being Miura he ofc doesn't really delve into the whole mental wellbeing thing AFTER which is a shame. I'd hoped to see more of her developing healthy bonds and coping now that she was finally BACK but alas... fingers crossed the fandom does her justice instead w amazing headcanons and fics! She deserves it.

Heyyy, do You think it was justified the way casca was going to commit suicide, or it was something that Miura did just so that guts could save her and have sex with her? Does it make sense yo You?

I started out answering this with an "absolutely not well justified" response, but yk what, that's not entirely true.

imo it's bad writing if we're meant to see Guts and Casca's relationship as genuinely romantic, healthy, and positive. I'll say that straight up. If we're meant to see Casca falling for Guts as a step in the right direction for her, then that is just bad fuckin writing all around, and the suicide attempt specifically makes it even worse.

Casca gets a monologue in which she tells Guts that she was lying to him and herself when she said she wanted to be Griffith's sword, because what she really wants is to fuck him, and now he's probably dead and she's apparently not actually all that personally invested in his dream of a utopian kingdom, so her life feels worthless now, plus the last year has been hell, so see ya. Then Guts saves her and they start fucking and she's like, well what the hell I'm also in love with Guts, which is something that's been causing me existential angst this last year as well, guess I can give this a shot. Presto, mental health crisis solved, Casca no longer depressed now that she got laid.

So that sucks.

Buuuuut on the other hand I think you can make a pretty solid case that fucking Guts is not actually a step in the right direction for Casca, but rather, the continuation of a negative cycle.

Casca's own justification for killing herself there honestly could work in theory. Like yes I will always be disappointed personally by any narrative in which a female character is presented as someone with ideals and goals and personal desires but oops that was actually a bait and switch because those were all lies she told herself to stay in denial about being in love with a dude and having no sense of self outside of him. That inherently pisses me off no matter what else happens with her narrative, even if it's 100% purposeful for the sake of exploring that as a flaw. A woman being romantically obsessed with a dude is not a flaw I would choose to read about if I had a choice.

Like okay, I've ranted about how misogynist the writing is here before, and I do stand by that. I just re-read and nodded along to my own post there. BUT it like, it arguably serves the story, honestly, lol. Everyone's lying to themselves about being in love with someone throughout the Golden Age, from Casca to Judeau to the King and Queen. It's a motif, and one that fits the griffguts subtext like a glove, so while I hate it in Casca's case, I can live with it because it fits the Golden Age theme of repression.

And like I said there is a strong case to be made that Casca isn't overcoming that flaw by falling for Guts, she's just repeating it.

It sucks that the only GA female main character's narrative is all about falling in obsessive love with dudes who save her and dedicating her life to them, but the silver lining is that it really does read like a pointedly negative thing to me.

And if that's the case, then gtsca hooking up after the suicide attempt is a bandaid solution that doesn't solve Casca's actual problems rather than an actual solution to the factors that drove her to suicide, which is a little better than healing sex lol, and pretty strongly implied with Guts’ “Don’t think about those things. All you need is to feel alive” prelude statement.

(Plus just look at Casca all eager about Guts taking her with him when he leaves again vs how she responds when she watches him fight the kinds of strong enemies his dream entails fighting, ie by crying, wishing he would just run away, and telling him to die by himself while bandaging him up afterwards. Pretty strong hint that leaving with Guts wasn't actually going to be a great time for her.)

It also means her reason for killing herself, ie being in love with Griffith who is gone now, isn't about being in love with the wrong dude but rather about having no self esteem outside of the hope of reciprocated romantic feelings, epecially as a result of formative traumatic childhood experiences like the rest of our main characters, which is at least a better character note than driven to suicide bc the dude she likes doesn't like her back, and saved from that despair when this other dude she likes does like her back this time.

Though that said, it's a bit of a stretch for me to believe all that is the authorially intended reading of Casca's character because, I mean, look at the rest of the women in Berserk. When every other woman in the story is also obsessed with a dude it gets harder to believe that he put that much thoughtfulness into Casca’s version lol. But either way, it still makes sense to me and fits the story. And tbh I do still believe that Miura intended for Casca to have a pattern of falling for saviours, even if it’s one he repeats with a bunch of other women too, and I do think it was intended to have negative repercussions. Like I doubt the takeaway was meant to be that Casca needs to work on her self-esteem outside her relationships with men lol, but yk, some of it is probably intended.

So like, tl;dr I think the reasoning Casca gives on page for her suicide attempt sucks but it sucks less if you see her relationship with Guts as an unfortunate result of the character flaws that drove her to that point in the first place rather than the solution to her problems.

Thanks for the ask, hope that made sense to you as an answer!

[cxnsigliere]

ALL THE QUESTIONS BINCH and no erica totally didnt send this to herself haha what r u talking about.

when u desperately send an ask meme to urself bc u just wanna talk about ur dumb oc for no reason whatsoever

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

about 10 minutes for king! he really cannot stay still for very long tbh, blame it on ADHD for the most part. if he sits down for too long, he starts to get really antsy and squirms in his seat the whole entire time. also a big reason why he always be skippin class in his high school verses roijwoirjgaegogij

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

very easy! honestly king usually makes himself laugh more than anything else tho. hes the kind of person who laughs at his own jokes. but honestly all u gotta do is tell like even the world’s shittiest joke to him and he’ll probably start cryin from laughter

3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

usually he’s just out like a light, so he doesnt have to do very much to put himself to sleep. if theres ever a night where he cannot sleep tho, tHEN HE GETS OUT THE ALCOHOL UNTIL HE PASSES OUT DRUNK, KING NO THATS BAD,

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

pretty easy tbh?? like as long as you dont scare him and ur nice to him, he’s probably gonna trust u right off the bat

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

ALSO PRETTY EASY. it all just depends how you act towards him.

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

i guess it depends idk. generally immovable tho, but then, when has king ever gave a single fuck about the law???????????

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

he doesnt usually like to think about his past very much and avoids thinking about it as much as possible. he’s not sure what necessarily triggers any nostalgia for him– but when he’s left alone in silence with nothing but his own thoughts, that’s when he starts to think about his childhood, his dad, basically everything, and he hates it. thats why he very much prefers loud environments and likes to be in the company of other people, no matter who it is. he just hates having to think. if he’s ever in a situation where he’s stuck thinking about his past, especially if it has to do with amber kennedy or veronica delgado, he quickly turns to alcohol to drown out all his thoughts.

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

his mother absolutely hated his smoking habits. of course, that wasn’t just him tho, bc his dad was a pretty heavy smoker too, but king would often be scolded by his mom because of it– especially when he ever got caught by a teacher smoking in school.

his father would often tell him, “Think before you say or do anything.” (as u can tell, its a lesson that went in one ear, out the other for king. lol) it’s because seeing as his dad was raising him to be a soldato someday, king would need a lot of brains for it. after all, working in the mafia can be very dangerous, and if you piss of the wrong people, you can obviously wind up dead very fast. and needless to say, king has always been skilled at pissing people off.

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

DUDE king has the mouth of a SAILOR!!!!!!! in case u didnt notice in his thread with sam lmao. as for his first ever swear, he probably just said the classic ol’ “FUCK” but i highly doubt he remembers it, bc he’s been swearin literally since he was like 8. blame his parents for that, he picked it up from them from watching them shout swears at each other 24/7. ironically, he’d always smack his siblings on the back of the head if he ever heard either of them swear.

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

the whole trial of Amber Kennedy’s murder tbh. that was basically nothing but lies, and how he first was able to get away with killing her for a while in the first place (until the case was reviewed ofc). it still haunts him, but not because he regrets killing Amber or anything, but more because that’s the whole reason his mother lost her job as a lawyer. he feels more bad about that than killing someone.

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

seek clarification! unless he’s trying to prove that he’s right about something.

12. Already answered!

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

brown, as u can tell by his design which has like 93850245 shades of brown in it. id say its probably his best color! that, or red.

14. What animal do they fear most?

bIG DOGS

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

he talks like fuckin LIGHTNING man. he talks so goddamn fast, someone slow him down pls. he also never thinks before he says anything (often making him say the most horrible things at the wrong time). he’s got a very small vocabulary and hates using or even hearing big words.

16. What makes their stomach turn?

anything that’s like dark or “””scary”””. basically goth aesthetic? scares the shit outta him. i know it’s such a weird thing, but listen, king is a pussy.

17. Are they easily embarrassed?

not really. dude has no shame when it comes to most things, but there probably are certain things that can embarrass him.

18. What embarrasses them?

his fear of water! he sees it as such a silly thing to be deathly afraid of, and never wants to admit it.

19. What is their favorite number?

69 UHHHH 28 bc thats his lucky number!

20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

he doesn’t really know how to put it into words, but there certainly is a big difference with them. someone he’s romantically attracted to is the kind of person that will make his heart skip a beat or make him easily flustered and be with all day every day!

for platonic, it depends on just how deep that friendship goes– like a simple friendly acquaintance he couldnt really give less of a fuck about, its just someone he can joke around with, but there does come a point where they feel like a second family to him, and he would go into harm’s way to protect that person, so long as it doesn’t put his life at risk.

for familial love, it’s a little complicated with him. King loves all of his family very much, but after all that he did to his parents in his earlier years, he knows that they don’t always feel the same way toward him, or most people in his family are just so disappointed with how he turned out, that he couldn’t handle it– it’s such a big reason why he faked his death and abandoned most of his family aside for a few. he wants to protect them, and to do so, he feels he should just stay away from them. (tbh tho hes probably right his family dont deserve him)

21. Why do they get up in the morning? 

mostly just bc he’s got that Elderly Person Sleep Schedule™ hONESTLY. he goes to sleep very early and wakes up early. for no reason in particular either, it’s just the way he likes. unless, of course, there comes a night where he blacks out drunk, in which case, his sleep schedule is all over the place.

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

SEEING SOMEONE HE WANTS THE ATTENTION OF HAVING FUN WITH SOMEONE ELSE….. it can be either a friend or a lover, but if they’re having fun without him and completely ignore him, hE’LL GET SO MAD LIKE JFC…… he’s been getting better about it, but it can become scary real fast at some point. he’s very, very possessive and gets jealous VERY easily. mostly just bc he wants all the attention 24/7

23. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

he hates hates hates seeing people with their dads. he gets so jealous and remembers “oH HEY, MY DAD IS FUCKIN’ DEAD. HAHA!!!” he doesn’t actually do anything about it, but he does become very pouty and depressed. probably a great time for alcohol for him tbh

24. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

absolutely!!!!!! he’ll talk about it with almost just about anyone bc he has no shame.

25. What are their thoughts on marriage? 

he’s not really sure, and he’s a little hesitant to think about marriage (at least rn anyway bc hes still p young). after his countless shitty experiences with relationships in the past, and witnessing how bad his mom and dad’s marriage was, it’s really not something he likes to think about.

26. What is their preferred mode of transportation?

any old-fashioned ass car tbh. any car from the 30s? hell yes.

27. What causes them to feel dread?

anything that makes him feel threatened in any way tbh

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

YES. ABSOLUTELY. he’d rather hear what he wants to hear than what he needs to hear.

29. Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

well his ideal self would be to be exactly like his dad, and so far, that is nOT THE CASE. SO NOPE.

30. Who do they most regret meeting?

AMBER

31. Already answered!

32. Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

not really. he forgets most of the shit he says bc he has a terrible memory.

33. Could they be considered lazy?

nah, i dont think so. he’s almost always outside wandering around and actually doing productive shit, and hates feeling lethargic.

34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

BINCH IT STAYS WITH HIM FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE-

35. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

sure! i mean it depends what it is tho

36. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

he actively seeks it– i mean he’s not gonna go around searching for some cute person, but if he just so happens to see someone he finds attractive, u bet ur ass he’s gonna go flirt with that person.

37. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

not really. if it’s something that’s really important, he’ll just write it down in a mini notepad he always has with him.

38. Already answered!

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

it depends who it is. if it’s someone he likes, he usually just ignores all their flaws and holds them in a “theyre fucking perfect in every way omfg” viewpoint. if it’s someone that generally bugs him, basically every single thing they do annoys the shit out of him.

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

very much so, especially when they’re pointed out at all! but he usually refuses to think about it, because he wants to believe he’s practically perfect (he knows deep down he isnt tho)

41. How do they feel about children?

king loves kids, and wants children when he’s older someday! which is ironic, bc he actually SUCKS with kids. dont let him have any. pls.

42. How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

he’s not really sure what his end goal is at the moment.

43. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

“girls are nice as FUCK, but also, who the hell gives a shit, ill fuck anyone”he doesnt even know what his sexuality is tbh, rip king

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

GOD as infuriating as king can be, he’s just so exciting to write!!!!! like, it’s impossible to be in a bad mood when ur writing with king, its so fun.

B) What inspired you to create them?

i wanted to make an oc that looked kinda like Q from Street Fighter, and I also based him heavily on Al Capone! As to how I came up with the alias ‘King’, i literally got it from King from Tekken bc why not. except oc King himself thought of it bc he lived in Kings, New York

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

not really! king is pretty unpredictable, even for me, but he’s so easy to fit into just about anything.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

ive edited how he looks a LOT tbh. when i first made him, his design was a lot more simple, and he was sKINNY….. and god let me tell u, looking back, seeing king as skinny is so unsettling. his scarred eye also changed a lot, i used to b a lazy ass and just draw a black line through his eye, but now its like FULL ON WIDE-OPEN SLASH THAT FUCKING DESTROYED HIS PUPIL AND IRIS YKNOW… idk just small things like that

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

HELL NO……… NOT AT ALL. im the type of person king would be afraid of, and he has a lot of personality traits in him that i dESPISE IN A PERSON……….. like if i met king irl id probably try to fight him honestly.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

UHHH A LOT OF EMOTIONS GOIN ON THERE MAN. im proud of him like ooc wise bc hes such a unique muse with a unique backstory that so many people actually enjoy and wanna hear about, and holy shit that makes me so happy?!?!?! but also ANGERY bc. well, i mean, its king. hes an aSSHOLE.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

BOY THERES A LOT, but if i had to go with one, probably the fact that king nEVER OWNS UP TO HIS MCFUCKING MISTAKES!!!!! like if u call him out on his bullshit he’ll be all like “UM I DID NOTHING WRONG, WHY AM I BEING BULLIED??” AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD, I WANNA SMACK HIM!!!!!!!

H) What trait do you admire most?

hes funny as hell, like, u gotta give him that. whether he means to be funny or not, hE CRACKS ME THE HELL UP

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

tbh yes, bc he kinda is meant to be a huge New Yorker dude, and he doesnt fit very well in any verse where he has like magic powers or shit like that bc i can only see him as a plain ass human being tbh??? idk if that makes any sense but. i mEAN I DONT REALLY CARE THO, ILL STILL THROW HIM IN LIKE 100000 VERSES ANYWAY.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

not really i think idk????? i mean ive had to revamp his backstory like a SHIT TON SO MANY TIMES, and even now i still sometimes get like huge realizations of his backstory that can definitely change every now and then. and back in the Olden Days™, i used to write him as like this huge moody crybaby, but also someone who had no fears whatsoever and overpowered as fuck and eventually i was like “ok i gotta buckle the fuck down and actually write him the way i see him, tf am i doing :/” and GOD i hate the way i used to write him when i first made him and shit, he had such an edgy backstory and his personality was like “LOL NO WEAKNESSES” but lOOK AT HIM NOW…….. he has come a long way as a character and im happy

[amontilladont]

Character solidifying: Lucien

So I used this handy list to create a good masterpost of headcanons about my lucien! I will ofc put this under a Read more, but if you want to know more in-detail about my specific Lucien, this is a good read!

1. How does your character think of their father? What do they hate and love about him? What influence - literal or imagined - did the father have?

Lucien has a super close relationship with his dad, but Due to being a teenager, he at times Prefers to act neutral about him. Lucien knows his Father has struggled, being a single father, struggling balancing a job, dealing with his, at times, reckless behavior, and pursuing his passions of historical life. He looks up to him, and is proud of his father's journey, and success in living as somsone he is comfortable with, and loves him alot.

2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?

Lucien have very, very few memories of Damien pre-transition, but he doesn't look back on those years, as he knows the person from back then is not his Father, and his father prefers to not think of that time, other than remembering his birth. It's a silent agreement in the small family to not bring up those years, unless talking about Lucien's birth, and childhood.

3. Brothers, sisters? Who do they like? Why? What do they despise about their siblings?

Lucien is an only child.

4. What type of discipline was your character subjected to at home? Strict? Lenient?

Lucien was raised rather leniently, as Damien believes more in diplomatic parenting than authoritarian parenting. however, he can get upset if Lucien endangers himself or others, and understands that most times, Lucien has no ill intentions.

5. Were they overprotected as a child? Sheltered?

Lucien, being an only child, is of course Damien's Treasure, but he's never been extremely sheltered, and more allowed to experience life himself. Of course, he'd not get left alone for hours, but he wasn't sheltered, or hidden away.

6. Did they feel rejection or affection as a child?

Lucien, when he was 5-6 years old, was very alone, seeing as his Father got very busy with transitioning, therapy, and work, so Lucien spent most of his very young years alone, with Mary, or other babysitters, rather than with his father. Lucien doesn't remember alot of this time, but he do remember when things got from lonely to better, and when his father started to change, appearance wise and mood-wise, when he got more confident, happy with himself, as due to his transition going well. He does not remember feeling very rejected, but he does remember loneliness, or late nights of staying up and waiting for Damien to come home, often staying up long past his bedtime, just so he could see Damien before going to bed. The very few times he didn't, he had nightmares, or bad sleep.

[AVAILABLE TO BE CHANGED DEPENDING ON WHO I AM ROLEPLAYING WITH]

7. What was the economic status of their family?

They are currently rather well-off, but there are often mishaps coming along with being a single parent.

8. How does your character feel about religion?

Lucien doesn't like religion when used to spread hate, homophobia, etc, but he is very open to people from different religions, not judging people, and tries his best to respect people with dietary needs due to religion.

9. What about political beliefs?

Lucien strongly believe in anarchy, he doesn't like politics dictating people's lives and choices. He'd also beconsidered a liberal, but he never claims he is either or another.

10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?

Lucien is very street-smart, and due to his upbringing, has a lot of historical knowledge, but sometimes people think he is uneducated due to his uncaring attitude to what he considers "useless" subjects, aka math, and of course, sociology.

11. How do they see themselves: as smart, as intelligent, uneducated?

Lucien sees himself as a free spirit, willing to do whatever for his self-expression. his sense of self is extremely important for him.

12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?

Due to Lucien's upbringing, he CAN, if he has the needs to, dribble out a speech that could Rival Orcar Wilde, but in daisly conversations, he has a rather single way of speech, keeping his sentences short, unless he has to explain things.

13. Did they like school? Teachers? Schoolmates?

Lucien's feelngs when it comes to school in general is that it's a sort of prison, with forced education, and removing of indvidulity, and in a sense, he sees teachers as the ultimate authoritary, and he is very anti-authority. He often is very defiant when it comes to school, causing troule, skipping classes, vandalizing, and pulling pranks that ends up getting him suspended, and a few times risk expulsion. His classmates aren't very noticeable for him, except his close friends, or the other kids at the cul-de-sac.

14. Were they involved at school? Sports? Clubs? Debate? Were they unconnected?

Lucien strongly refuses to join clubs, or partake in activities that are established by others.

15. Did they graduate? High-School? College? Do they have a PHD? A GED?

Lucien is still in high school, but did go through elementary and middle school with no trouble. Only last year of middleschool did he start getting difficult.

16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?

Lucien goes to school, and has no part-time job, but he does sell Oregano for Molly, who works at the record store downtown, which evolved due to an incident that started as a joke on Ernest, and now has evolved into a scam, and sometimes selling actual weed. He keeps that as a deep secret.

17. Did they travel? Where? Why? When?

Lucien is a bit of a freeroamer, and often disappears during long weekends or schoolbreaks, and oftentimes doesn't talk about where or why, but often he goes with friends, getting in trouble or going to concerts out-of-state.

18. What did they find abroad, and what did they remember?

^see above answer

19. What were your character’s deepest disillusions? In life? What are they now?

smallest disillusion: That the Victorian era was filled of happiness and beauty. He learned later on about all the horrors and discomfort of the old era.

biggest disillusion: That people could be evil enough to hurt, attack, or even murder people just for who they were born as. When he discovered Transphobia and Homophobia he at first believed it was a rare event, but later learnin that there were full-on political movements trying to stop people from being happy as themselves, he realized the world is not so accepting.

20. What were the most deeply impressive political or social, national or international, events that they experienced?

The first time his father 'passed' with him, aka the first time people immediately called Damien Lucien's 'Father' intead of 'Mother'.

21. What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?

Lucien was raised to be very polite, but he intentionally acts rude as it fits into his personality more, but he seldom pushes it, and often only needs to be told once to behave himself. he does often behave in a sarcastic manner, but a quick frown from Damien can stop him from insulting anyone.

22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?

Lucien's friends at school is the stereotypical 'goth gaggle', a group of five other kids that share his interests, and style. He is also very close to all the kids in the cul-de-sac, but Ernest is considerd his closest friend, living next door to each other and getting in trouble together means they have bonded to the point they are inseparable, and often, i you find one of them, the other is not far behind.

23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex?

Lucien doesn't really care about relationships, seeing as he pefers to be alone, but if he would have a partner, he'd mostly just ook that they wouldn't stray too far away from his personality. He'd not want to date someone who's a big snitch. He wouldn't demand they matched his aesthetic, or is lifestyle, but he'd want them to be open-mined, and obviously, not transphobic/homophobic.

24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?

Lucien's social life mostly involvs his goth group, and with them he often either hangs around at Maple Bay mall, outside the school to cause trouble, or at times goes to concerts with them. With Ernest, or any of the cul-de-sac kids, he's often very different. being the oldest he ften ends up sort of guarding them, despite being very incapable of fighting, he watches over them. They mostly spend time during Joseph's Barbeques, talking to each other, and trying to avoid the grown ups.

25. What are their hobbies and interests?

Lucien has some hobbies he only shows with certain people. If he's alone at home, he can easily get sucked into a book, ending up reading for hours. He does like going to the movies with his dad, but he would much prefer going with his friends. Lucien has some musical hobbies as well, going to concerts, hanging around the local record shop and sometimes even spending time at the coffe spoon with Ernest to study together.

26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?

Due to Damien's aesthetic being victorian gothic, Lucien's style has ened up in a more modern way of life, dressing more like the late 2000's gothic, or punk style, but he also fits into the grunge scenery. He's very into body modification in the form of pircings and tattoos, and dyed hair. Lucien's bedroom is actually very unlike the rest of their house, Damien working hard on the home's aesthetic, making LUcien's room, and even door, shine out as odd.

27. How do they relate to their appearance? How do they wear their clothing? Style? Quality?

^see above answer

28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?

N/A

29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?

Lucien has a bit of an over-expecting personality, expecting others to have the same views as him on alot of things, and sometimes, when he pushed his pranks onto others, he doesn't understand why someone would get offended at his michief.

30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?

Lucien can never for give any person who has ever insulted his dad, wether minor or major insult.

31. Does your character have children? How do they feel about their parental role? About the children? How do the children relate?

No, Lucien is 16. He does not have children yet.

32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?

When lucien gets stressed he tends to have two reactions. He either gets agressive, answering people in a quick, angry tone, which often means he snaps at well-meaning people, like his dad or his friends. Other instances though, he goes quiet and locks himself away, aviding socialization until he feels better.

33. Do they drink? Take drugs? What about their health? [DRUG USE TW]

Lucien tends to sometimes drink wine, when he's alone at home, but he does so very rarely, and nly very little. He has only gotten drunk twice in his life, during weekends out with his friends. Lucien has smoked weed a few times in his life, smokes cigarettes at times, and when with Ernest, vapes, but he tends to avoid doing such around Damien, not wanting him to worry, or get angry.

34. Does your character feel self-righteous? Revengeful? Contemptuous?

With everyone describing Lucien as different things, he often is contemptous about being put into labels, such as 'Rebellious', 'delinquent' or other Negative phrases, but he's also very apathetic to them, as he has ore of a sense that, people can think what they want, but he knows what he truly is, and if they are right or wrong.

35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?

Lucien often tries to avoid failures, due to his pranks, failure can mean ending up getting in trouble, and he has a sort of anxiety about failing, and tries to plan ahead to avoid it. Smetimes he fails though, and he can end up getting slight anxiety attacks when it happens.

36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?

Despite Lucien often pranking people, he's not a spiteful person, and doesn't like t see anyone suffer, except if they have hurt his dad, minor or majorly. He tends to prank people in a personal vendetta, but tries his best not to cause genuine harm. Of course, sometimes things go roughly, and he ends up harming someone, and he ends up often feeling extremely bad about it, unless he talks to his dad about it.

37. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

Lucien has a habit of when he listes to music, he phases out, and disappears in a sort of trance. His imagination isn't verly imaginative, as he doesn't really enjoy fantasy, so his daydreams often ends up being more realistic, and the few times he does end up on a bit of a surrealistic side, he often tries to steer his daydreams into a more realistic zone.

38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?

Lucien is a bit of a mix between hostile to new things, and enthusiastic, he values the outcome of the new thing, it can be listening to a new music band, travelling to a new place, pranking a new person, etc. He tried his best to figure out a plan to get the best utcome of trying new things, and when it goes badly, he shuts down and refuses to try it again to try a new outcome.

39. What do they like to ridicule? What do they find stupid?

gullible people, he often takes advantage of people not knowing things he does know, to twist things and cause confusion, r scare people. He also liked to be mrbid and clzim, ex. that the cul-de-sac is buit over graves of innocents, or that his home is haunted, or that he sometimes sees people dragging bodies around and burying them in their yard.

40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?

^see above

41. Is your character aware of who they are? Strengths? Weaknesses? Idiosyncrasies? Capable of self-irony?

Lucien is aware that he can be rather selfish at moments, and in other moments that he cn react rather harshly to small matters, but the problem is he can be very apathetic to the damage he may potentially cause, via being rude, or harming people. he can also come off as rather reckless at times, and the few people who are allowed to see his vulnerable side, can see him as gentle and sympathtic, or even kind. Lucien denies all of it, though.

42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

Lucien wants understanding, and acceptance. His wants mostly go with being who you want to be, and not being forced to do certain things based on who you are. He mostly just wants a right to express himself freely.

43. Does your character have any secrets? If so, are they holding them back?

Lucien's secrets are mostly secrets he hs because the truth would get him in trouble, such as his Oregano scam-weed dealing, his troublemaking, or his wanderlust tendencies.

44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them?

Being a teenager, he doesn't have a lot, or barely any lifelong goals.

45. Is your character pragmatic? Think first? Responsible? All action? A visionary? Passionate? Quixotic?

Lucien can be called irresponsible, reckless, quck-tempered and very ill-temepered at times, but he ften change based on who he is around. Damien often clls Lucien responsible and well-mannered, but most people only know him as grumpy.

46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?

Lucien has a tall-slender build, having had some problems being underweight. He is 5'7" at age 16, and is still growing. he desn't feel too bad about his body, other than that he doesn't have enough body modifications, aka  piercings and tattoos.

47. Do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person? Does they want to be visible or invisible?

He wants to be consideed mature, but often fails due to his quick temper, and his apathy.

48. How are your character’s gestures? Vigorous? Weak? Controlled? Compulsive? Energetic? Sluggish?

Lucien moved very slowly, and isn't very epressive on his bosy language other thn facial expressions, and while there aren't alow of significant expressions, he doesn't stop himself from expressing what he feels.

49. What about voice? Pitch? Strength? Tempo and rhythm of speech? Pronunciation? Accent?

Lucien' voice is often very low, and he doesn't like speaking long sentences, preferably using shrugging of the shoulders, nods, and grunting noises rather than long phrases.

50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?

Lucien's expressions are few, and he has a very significant scowl on his face most of the time. He does have some smug expressions, but thse are rare, and only really Damien is able to get a genuine smile out of him, or seen him cry.

[ryodan]

SasuNaru and the pinhole : part 2

This comes full circle in the Gara fight when Sasukes survivor guilt was shown on full display, with him stating he believes the only reason Itachi let him live was to be an avenger. Sakura comes in to take his attack and

1 thing I’d like to highlight, Sasuke throwing himself in front of them earlier was because he cared and it’s unlike his moral standard..and his last words would have been this

But to willingly and consciously give up his revenge because the pain of losing someone dear is a great deal of character development and refutes any argument that he did not care about Sakura. Not to say he would not have done the same for Naruto, but Kishimoto chose her for a reason.

Naruto sees this and remembers Kakashis and Hakus quote about fighting for the people you love making you stronger and giving you a stronger resolve and he charges up on chakra

‘Sakura-chan wa orega mamoru!’

‘I’ll protect Sakura!’

And he fights Gara, and teaches him about the pain of suffering on your own, shouldering pain with your friends and protecting them..the whole concept behind the series

Itachi happens and ofc you know sasuke is conflicted, his resolve is awakened

Now, sasukes inferiority complex dates back to his childhood, and that is why he compares Itachi to Naruto, both of whom are people who had a strength sasuke thought was unattainable to him

His petty side did show throughout a lot of the series

It was also shown on multiple occasions. Sasuke did not like Naruto catching up to him because it was another Itachi situation. Additionally Itachi dug salt into the wound by saying things like you are weak and I am not interested in you. The fact that he was interested in Naruto, who was getting stronger than him made his petty rise to like 5000 degrees, I don’t think anything that follows, or a lot of their ‘rivalry’ in part actually is justified. Their dynamic through this lens but not a single non sns fan ive met irl wasn’t annoyed by narutos constant bitching and sasukes constant petty side.

People also like to forget this happened

When he was practicing he was thinking that he was completely useless in a situation where somebody he cared about a lot was in grave danger,  which again correlates to his past. This is also him feeling inferior to Naruto but Kishimoto put the smile thing intentionally, in fact he put in there when he woke up again indicating it was a mix of a little of things making him feel inferior.

Since this is a post debunking most sns arguments ive ever been told to make ship this ship, I see people saying Sasuke cared more about Naruto than Itachi when he heard he was back. And while of course he did care a great deal, his best friend no matter how annoying their relationship is, is being targeted by the person who murdered his family in cold blood, of course he would not let shit like that happen again..but I feel like if anyone was viewing these scenes with an sns lens on it annoys me. The person who massacred a clan and made a child feel like he was not good enough to be slaughtered and that his own reason of living is to carry the moral burden of avenging his clan (no matter how great itachi is, that was the pov at the time for sasuke) was in town, sasuke was having flash backs all the way there and it was heavily sasuke x itachi related, in the worst of ways because of the torture. Naruto was like???? My friend??? Good, of course he’d be like that but the fact that some shippers see this arc as an sns arc pisses me off bc sasuke is not there to wank your fav as so many shippers in general see him..but this scene in particular makes me uncomfortable to think that people view the mental torture of this kid as a romantic arc bc he thought about his friends safety. Also, Naruto is a great friend I just wanted to say that tbh.  This scene is also interpreted wrong

This is the first time Naruto realizes he should get over Sakura, and again is a scene that refutes any ‘naruto was the only one who mattered in team 7’..because of all Team 7 mattered.’she hugged him shes selfish’ ah nah youre just reading the scene out of your ass if you say so imo

‘naruto went crazy when sasuke was hurt so it means he love sasuke’

Yes, ofc he does. He’s his best friend. It’s not romantic tho

To clarify : I don’t know id consider him to be in love with sakura? I always thougth it was a crush and he seemed to get over it so good on him, but the databook and certain chapters state otherwise? I don’t see at all imo but maybe it’s bc I am biased anti NS

Anywho, moving on to a scene that reprsents why I cant be fucked to pretend this relationship is healthy or that I can condone on it on a romantic level no matter how much I love the bond between them

‘he woke up from trauma so,,,,’ if he was acting dick-y I’d understand. He’s 12 so I will defend him because a childs brain can barely handle any of what hes been through (I mean gaara) but he straight up almost killed Naruto for inferiority complex reasons

Yeesh. What he actually says is めざわり, mezawari..the term the village described Naruto with all of his lonely childhood. Naruto jumps right back and says ‘you’re still weak’ after he witnessed the entire Itachi situation knowing full well that’s not something he should say right now. The went full out on each other knowing the other could die bc theyre petty? Sasuke goaded Naruto on so much the need to prove himself made him charge at him with full intensity to kill him. That’s a no from me. I mean that apple plate scene was crappy too, but in it’s intensity and relative to the situation I’m willing to let it :/ me

I understand the trauma aspect, but I don’t justify picking a death match with your friend bc they are getting better than you.

They explain my stance better than I can

Kakashi gets shit sometimes for this scene but I’d like to remind you that the Uchiha massacre was only a political problem in the series after the truth was revealed. Telling Sasuke to just let it go and share his pain instead was not the right way to go about it and Kakashi acknowledged that himself, it was not fair to the situation at hand but he did get through to him, so much so that sasuke went from shouting murderous statements to this, because Kakashi does understand the pain and guilt you feel when your loved ones are dead while you were helpless to help. Revenge is unhealthy…its even more unhealthy when it makes you take it out on people you love and end up hurting yourself more. I hear people say Kakashi and sakura are selfish for relating the situation to themselves, but so did Naruto and so would anyone. No one is that mother Theresa to not see situations as 2 sided.

To go even further into this, there is a thing I see that’s like Naruto was the only one who understood him? Naruto was the only one who didn’t. In fact, self admitted it himself. He was very naïve and did not see the situation through sasukes point of view for a long time

I give Sakura credit on this tbh

After the FOD  Sakura was imo, the most in tune with sasuke

Blah Blah blah confession happens, certain people call her selfish but she never made the revenge aspect about her

Or people who say she didn’t understand his resolve, or that she was doing it bc she just wants him to stay is dumb. Both naruto and sakura did it for both sasuke and bc they want him to stay. They forget she said ‘are you going to isolate yourself again’ meaning no, she understood a lot of his psychological reasoning than she is given credit for.

Idk how this is selfish, or kakashi saying I lost people and learned revenge isn’t healthy is, when everyone is doing it for his benefit.  I think it’s the mistranslation. Some people also think she has never attempted to understand where he is coming from better.

Or people who say its unhealthy bc ‘even if he cared, she didn’t know’ she did before and after

The first battle in the final valley only happened when Naruto jumped sasuke and punched him, Sasuke wouldn’t have gone as low as killing someone unprovoked..had it been Sakura he would have also obtained mangekyo.

He did power up using the pain he felt by the loss of their bonds, in fact the only time he ever thinks of them positively is them as a unit, he said it himself he thinks of them as family

That’s when sasuke almost killed Naruto to obtain mangekyo. Now, let me say another misconception. Sasuke doesn’t kill Naruto bc he is the person closest or dearest to him, that was and consistently remained to be his family. Itachi said kill your best friend the term he used was もっとも and tomo

Not 親友 shinyu 友達,友人 so many words that can indicate dearest person but that wasn’t chosen, instead that was.

 The curse of hatred activates when losing a person very dear, and experiencing self hatred because you couldn’t do anything, Like sasuke when he awakened sharingan in the night of the massacre. To further it to mangekyo the common trope among uchihas was to kill your best friend, to power it up you experience more emotional pain, to make it permanent you implant another uchihas eye to your own and that erases the risk of blindness. All of this ofc means more emotional pain, and no one wants to rebuke narutos status as sasukes best friend their bond is tight bc of the loneliness they know. But none of team 7 are sasukes dearest atm, its his family, his resolve to leave to avenge his family is strong only furthered by Itachis manipulation and his curse of hatred making him feel even more survivors guilt. The main source of his power ups aside from kagatsuchi have always been his family, the love he had for them caused him the most emotional suffering. I recommend these videos they explain it better than I do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkbXG_USxX4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KhHE75GGoo&t=339s

There is ofc the emotional pain of killing a best friend , and its emotional pain of loss and regret that activates mangekyo anyways so when he gets a huge dose of it with Obito he awakens it and rapidly descends into the curse of hatred

Naruto wants to bring sasuke back bc he doesn’t want to see his friend hurt himself, and bc he wants his friend around coolio he even states sasuke is like a brother to him

Again confirming the #nohomo

This is where the fight gets problematic, ‘sasuke was killing naruto bc hes his dearest person’ is easily refutable but whats not refutable is that he wasnt thinking that for a big part of their fight, which is why kishimoto could never get away with any sort of romantic context on this ship. People talk a lot about heteronormativity when it comes to SNS but this is a gross representation of a gay ship, I’ve had that told to me by multiple gay male friends

Yeesh. And the smile is fucking over kill. Mind you, Naruto also has 0 explanation for this behavior so hes just getting beaten up by his friend who is saying ‘you being my best friend is all more the reason to kill you.’  

Thing Id like to add one that, and ill come to again..people say  naruto was the person who understood sasuke the most.. except that was towards the end..and he fully understood him by their final battle. If you remember me saying their bond is a concentration of the series themes, then this is not a surprise. You don’t need to know someones gut, nor experience what they experienced to share or understand their pain. As naruto learns more and more by every arc and experience, he understands sasuke more and by the end tries to communicate what he learned to him. The fact that it can only be Naruto was alluded to by Kakashi when he mentioned ‘the cycle that only ends by death’, then by pain mentioning the world being a cycle of hate, then by the prophecy and by the land of iron arc when Karin noticed sasuke and narutos double chakras and Naruto confirmed he is not fighting sasuke only in order to protect him when kiba accused him, hes the only one who can save sasuke and break the cycle. That’s why they communicate only through their fists, they are literally destined to it as they have indra and ashuras chakra within them.

This, does not mean Kakashi and Sakura did not understand sasuke. They got his motivations way more than Naruto did. 

After the fight sasuke refuses to kill Naruto because he refuses to be like Itachi, confirmed himself in the first reunion

Another sort of annoying thing the sns fandom does is devalue sakuras hard work, Naruto trained to get stronger, beat the akatsuki and bring sasuke back. Sakura trained to protect her  friends, better herself and bring sasuke back. Theres this stigma that because she ended up with a lot of peoples want to be fictional boyfriend that she must be selfish..naruto was willing to die with him!11!! K.

‘just because she had the resolve doesn’t mean anything bc she didn’t do it’ No, but she did what she could to the best of her abilities, however its established the only one who can fight him is Naruto over and over again. If it were her trying, itd be a one sided massacre on his side, and talk no jutsu doesn’t work on him…the only way to break the damn cycle is the child of prophecy, although she was still able to affect him with just words. That’s why shes the only one he ever outwardly thanked , he appreciates her effort way more than some fans give her credit for.