#of providing both those kinds of help. you just need to know what kind applies to where. and it takes practice and patience. you probably

[ilikeyoshi]

not to get really deep and personal on tumblr dot com but i think today's therapy session may have been the first ever time i actually felt my mind and my body connect. like. it felt fucking cosmic? the revelation that they were always meant to work in tandem, and that they speak two different languages, thoughts and senses, and that i am their mediator, i am the one who makes sure they both get what they need.

i think this is why it's so common for mentally ill people to "know" their anxiety or depression aren't true to life, that what they're afraid of isn't really happening, and yet the pain persists. because the pain is your body. and your body does not understand words and logic like your brain does. your body needs to have its hand held or its back stroked. your body needs to cry. your body needs to feel and hear the physical sensation of you saying the reassurances out loud, because the words don't translate, but the sensations do. the movement of your mouth, the vibration of your voice.

and if we do not give our body this, then it doesn't matter how much we heal our minds. we have to heal the body too. we have to feel and acknowledge the pain and ask it, "what do you need?" maybe that's a bath. maybe that's lying down and squeezing a pillow really tight. maybe that's screaming at the top of your lungs. maybe that's walking around the block for an hour. whatever it is, it is the body's version of the anxiety and depression and illness. and like the mind's version, it needs to be helped, gently and consistently, until someday it knows that the fear and guilt isn't real.

[katblu42]

Hand Warmers

For @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt #279 Warm Hands.

Fandom: Thunderbirds Are Go Characters: Gordon and Virgil Word Count: approx 953 Domestic fluff (no warnings apply as far as I can tell).

Gordon was well known within his family for suffering from the affliction of cold hands.  Virgil in particular had fallen victim to icy fingers placed against warm skin on numerous occasions.  But, in his defence, Gordon found this particular big brother was the most effective heat source for warming frosty digits. 

Of course, it also helped that Virgil was often the only brother in range when this was needed, and despite the initial grumbling, he was also usually quite amenable to lending body heat to a little brother in need.

Virgil himself seemed to always have warm hands – at least in Gordon’s experience.  It didn’t seem to matter where he was, or what he was doing, if Gordon placed a distractingly cold hand anywhere on Virgil’s exposed skin there was glorious warmth to be shared. Then those familiar, big, warm hands would soon be deployed to enfold his own and work some much needed heat into them.

It kind of made sense.  Virgil’s hands always seemed to be moving – dancing across the piano keys, applying brushstrokes to canvas, or sketching on almost any surface, artfully deploying exactly the right tool for anything that needed fixing, or gently but deftly applying first aid. 

But for Gordon the most memorable thing those well-muscled and well-used hands could do was to give expert massages to sooth overworked swimmer’s muscles, or gently relax a cramp.  He couldn’t remember how or when it started, but it had been quite a regular thing between them.  Somehow Virgil always seemed to know exactly when he needed the sweet relief of warmth and pressure working all the tension out of his back, shoulders and neck, and would be there to provide it in exactly the right measure.

He'd often wished he could return the favour, and with today’s rescue being as rough as it was, Gordon could see that now was the perfect time to do so.  But he couldn’t even approach those heavy-lifting muscles without doing some important preparation first.

Luckily, preparation was something Gordon was very good at.  He usually employed this talent when planning pranks, but the surprise he was planning this time should produce a much more favourable response.  And preparation for this one had begun during post-flight checks when Thunderbird Two had returned to her hangar.

Under the guise of restocking the medical supplies Gordon had grabbed a couple of the tiny packets containing air-activated heat packs.  Later, once checks were completed, uniforms shed and he’d showered and changed into his regular attire, the packets were opened and shaken and then clutched in each hand.

After half an hour with the little heat packets kept within reach – in his pockets when not in direct contact with his hands – he deemed himself ready to put the next phase of the plan into action.

Virgil was sitting at their dad’s desk, most likely making a start on post-rescue paperwork when Gordon decided to make his move.  Making his stealthy approach from behind, avoiding the squeaky floorboard, he gave the little heat packs in each pocket one last firm squeeze each.

When he placed his warm hands on his big brother’s shoulders he felt the muscles tense at the unexpected contact.

“Gor- . . . Gordon?” Virgil’s voice started with the low warning tone that usually accompanied an unapproved activity, but quickly rose in pitch and inflection.

“The one and only!”

As Virgil tried to turn his head to face him, Gordon gently redirected the movement with one hand and started kneading tense muscles with the other.

“What are you doing?” Virgil directed his gaze forward again, allowing Gordon to knead with both hands.  “And how are your hands so warm?  They’re never this warm!  What did you do?”

Gordon chuckled.  “Don’t you worry about that.  Just relax and let me do this for you.”

Right on cue he found and pressed against a particularly tough little knot that had Virgil groaning and relaxing into the massage as the knot released.  There was an easy silence between them for a while, broken only by the soft grunts that let Gordon know he was finding all the right spots.

“Where’d you learn to do this?”  Virgil asked somewhat sleepily.

“Kind of from you.  I’ve been on the receiving end enough times.”  He paused a moment, concentrating his attention on another nasty knot.  “But I’ve always kind of wondered how you learned to be so good at giving massages.”

“I guess it started when you decided to get serious about swimming competitively.  I wanted to be able to support you, and I had an interest in medical treatments, so I looked into the kinds of medical complaints swimmers often experienced and how to treat them.  I mostly learned from video tutorials and trial and error on unsuspecting family members.”

Gordon laughed again.  “Well, I’m very glad you did.  Of all the massages I’ve had, yours are always the best.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Gordon.  There’s no way my efforts can compare with a professional.”

Gordon paused his thumb circles long enough to offer a playful tap to the side of Virgil’s head.

“I’m not kidding, Virge.  You’re massage skills are awesome, and I need you to know I appreciate every single one you’ve given me over the years.  And if the tension that was in these heavy lifting muscles is anything to go by, I think I need more chances to pay you back.”

It was Virgil’s turn to give a chuckle.

“If you think I’m bad you should try it on Scott.  When he’s tense his neck and shoulder muscles feel like steel girders.”

They were both laughing now. “No, I think I’ll leave Scott’s tense muscles to your magic fingers!”

[kahuunknown]

The "Normal" one - BBC Sherlock sibling fanfic

!NOTE!: Non-specified reader/insert, inspiration from SHERLOCK TV Show

~~~

The normal one

(Y/n) Holmes.

That was your name. Of course you loved your family, you held them all dear and close to your heart, but that name came with a lot of baggage and responsibility. You’d often wonder what living life normally would be like, being born under a different name. These were just thoughts however, you knew in the end, you wouldn’t change a thing.

You were smart; there was no doubt in that fact, being born a Holmes provides such natural intelligence with ease. However, you would argue that you were anything but. You were a humble, gentle and modest soul, you were adamant in arguing that both your brother’s surpassed your measly intelligence without effort. Of course, the IQ tests would prove otherwise, but they were rid from the world quickly after there creation.

Living a normal life wasn’t something you detested, rather you grew rather fond of the mundane routines people lived day-to-day, it was funny watching them fuss over little mistakes, or creating the emotion of happiness with simple gifts and pleasures. You worked as a psychologist funnily enough. You could deduce much like the rest of your siblings, and decided to apply that skill toward something complimentary.

You were a young prodigy with a psychology major at only 26 years old; you lived a very financially stable life with your own private at-home psychology firm. You were comfortable with you life within London, you enjoyed being close to your family, and so it was never an option to live anywhere else. Often as a well respected personal to the community and the police, you were requested to provide psychoanalysis on victims, suspects or even the criminals themselves. You’d get paid of course, but your real motivation was helping you middle brother with his detective cases. Sometimes even the eldest would request your help, those were rare favours however.

Your brother’s wouldn’t admit it, but they absolutely adored you, you were the baby of the family and the most normal of them all. Your parents didn’t like to pick favourites but you were always the exception. Mycroft and Sherlock treated you like a child most often, they couldn’t wrap their heads around the thought of you growing up and maturing, when they looked at you, all they could see were those innocent orbs staring right back at them. This admittedly made them overprotective, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it was restricting.

You proved your intelligence and maturity every now-and-again, but you honestly didn’t mind their dotting. It showed the world that Sherlock and Mycroft Holmes were human too.

So when the two were on the way to your house, they were honestly surprised and both mortified when the Consulting Criminal Jim Moriarty of all people stepped outside of your house with a laugh and bid you farewell, hopping into a awaiting sleek black car and driving off smoothly. Sherlock and Mycroft had hidden themselves upon the sight, they weren’t stupid, but they were terrified for your safety. Did you even know the true identity of the criminal you’d invited inside?

Neither brother remembered if they’d disclosed that information to you or not, they tried they upmost hardest to give you the privacy you desired, as hard as that was. They weren’t very good at it, but they did try their best to shield you from their enemies. You were untrained in any sort of defensive arts like they were; you were utterly defenceless if someone attacked you.

Nodding to each other, once they were satisfied with the distance Moriarty’s car had driven away; they quickly made their way to your doorstep and hurriedly rang your doorbell. You needed to be warned straight away, you needed to cut your ties with the villain immediately. Your safety was compromised.

You greeted them with a kind smile as always, both brothers nearly forgot the urgency and softened upon your sweetness, but reality was quick to return to them. They ushered you to let them inside, which you calmly did so, asking if they wanted any snacks or tea. Mycroft paused and politely requested some sweets and both brothers of course agreed to some tea. You chuckled at them, reminding them to make themselves at home; they were family of course, no matter how dysfunctional. The two elder Holmes watched you like hawks as you waddled around the kitchen. It was cute that you inherited their mother’s much shorter height, leaving you struggling and whining about reaching items on the top shelf. Though your brothers were more than willing to help, they teased you often about this fact.

Returning to the living room, you gently placed down the tray with balanced drinks and sweets situated on top.

“So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” Theo chimed, cradling his own cup of tea close and bringing his legs to his chest, curling into his usual ball-like position on his single seated couch.

Sherlock was first to speak, “Well, originally we both decided to check-in on you, we hadn’t seen you in a while.”

You chuckle, “Yes, well I was having a fantastic time in New Zealand. You should visit if you have the chance, it’s beautiful country.”

Sherlock rolls his eyes, completely disinterested in the idea. But he admired your simplicity.

“Like Sherlock said, that was ‘originally’.” Mycroft pressed, narrowing his eyes at the detective.

“Who was that man that left your house moments before we arrived?” Sherlock questioned, though he already knew, he wanted to see if you were aware.

You rolled your eyes at the two overbearing brothers, “That was one of my clients, of course.”

“He’s dangerous, (Y/n-“

“Jim Moriarty.” You finished, “A charming man, to say the least. The infamous consulting criminal.”

Mycroft and Sherlock frowned, this couldn’t be good.

“You know who he is.” Sherlock stated.

“Of course, I do.” You retorted, “But that’s not my business, is it? I’m a psychiatrist and psychologist; my client’s background means nothing to me. That is my work.”

“Yes, but it’s also a hazard-“

You interrupted Mycroft, “Without Moriarty confessing to future crimes in the motion, I have no legal standing. Past crimes are useless.”

“A scientific priest.” Sherlock grumbles.

“In some ways.” You agreed absentmindedly. “I’m bound by my word.”

“Then I suppose there is no use asking you to share some details.” Mycroft sighs.

“None at all.” You chirped, “Now, if you two are free this afternoon, would you care for some fish ‘n chips? It’s been a long while since we’ve talked like this.”

Mycroft pursed his lips, it was his favourite food. A Holmes delicacy in some ways, as even Sherlock was fond of the food as well. Mycroft frowned, a defeated expression forming on his face, “I suppose, I have time.” He admitted.

Sherlock narrowed his eyes at your happy face, you were sweet and innocent, but boy did you now how to use that to your advantage. Those damn puppy eyes.

“Fine.” Sherlock sighed.

Suddenly a knock sounded at the polished wood of your door, you furrowed your brows in confusion, not expecting any clients or guests over at this time. Standing, you gestured for your brothers to stay put while you answered the door.

Sherlock and Mycroft tensed as Moriarty waltzed into the house, smirking at the two of them confidently. He looked more than comfortable in your home, and both the protective brothers felt their instincts flare in that instant.

“Sorry to intrude, I believe I forgot my jacket.” Jim swooned, slinging his arm over your shoulder as you rolled your eyes and led him away from your siblings and into the office/ library room, where all your clients reveals their deepest secrets and feelings. Sure enough, Moriarty returned to the front door with his suit jacket under one arm.

He seemed to be talking normally to you, joking and laughing as if he were just a mundane human male, like all the rest. It was obvious to the brothers, that you and Moriarty knew each other quite well, they didn’t like that one bit.

Jumping to his feet, Sherlock decided he’d had enough of seeing that smug face and those evil beady little eyes looking at his youngest sibling.

“Leave.” Sherlock simply ordered, holding open the door for the mastermind to exit. Jim raised an accusing eyebrow at the new emotions Sherlock provided him with, but decided to play nice and do as he was told, for now at least. He left quietly, ignoring the slam of the wooden door after him; he was far too satisfied with this new discovery to care about rude behaviour.

He was originally just curious about you, intrigued and fascinated. He didn’t even know you existed; it wasn’t until Eurus cooed about you during his visit. She was smitten by you, couldn’t stop remembering all those memories as young children, when you’d follow her around, listen to her every tale with admiration and love. She talked about you as if perhaps you were a god, a higher being that she prayed to- or a rare exotic creature like most thought fantasy. You seemed too good to be true.

Yet here he was, obsessed with it all. Obsessed with you.

The expression of your brother’s were both the same, stern beyond belief. And you sighed, anticipating the emerging argument to take place.

“This is my job.” You stated, smile vanishing with the seriousness of your tone.

Mycroft and Sherlock almost didn’t recognise you, you looked different without the aura of sweetness drifting around you like a halo. They’d never seen this side of you.

Mycroft clears his throat, “He is dangerous, (Y/n). We would be fools to-“

“Then be fools.” You hissed, “This is my job. The career I’ve strived for, and Jim Moriarty is a normal client. You will not drag me around under the guise of your ‘safety’.”

Sherlock watched you carefully, scanning your expression and body language, trying to deduce you. Yet he came up with nothing. Normally you were so open to him and Mycroft, usually it was so easy to pull you apart, dissect every emotion and activity you’d been up to for the past week or so. But you’d shut down that gate, preventing any clue to find.

But then your shoulders slumped, and suddenly everything came flooding back, he could read you like an open book once more.

Sighing you looked them both in the eye, “I propose this.” Instantly you had your brothers intrigued, “I’ll install a camera within my office. You may have access to its feed at any time, and I’ll send you both my schedule, if you so desire as well. However, due to patient-confidentiality, the audio will be wiped, you will hear nothing.”

Sherlock scowls at the idea, obviously wanting to hear the conversations you and Moriarty had, he wanted to know everything. Mycroft on the other hand was more open to the idea; he eventually gave a slow nod.

“Deal.”

“Great.” You clapped your hands together, smiling once more and instantly relieving the tenseness in your brother’s posture, “Now, how about that fish ‘n chips, eh?

In the end, perhaps you were not as normal as everyone believed.

[himbochub]

I'm only a small fat so ymmv, but some size/fat related things I experienced regarding top surgery:

If you're someone whose belly gets in the way as you're moving from lying to sitting or sitting to standing, it can be helpful to have either more core strength so you don't have to use your arms to help move your torso, or have your post-surgery support carer/s there to help give you a boost when sitting up. (I guess that applies to everybody but still..)

If reaching while toileting and showering can be difficult before surgery, the difficulty defo multiplies during recovery (especially showering), so it's super helpful to plan ahead with any equipment like long-handled scrubbers and a shower bench, as well as making a plan with your support system for any hands-on assistance they can provide.

I didn't think about this ahead of time, but I used a friend's mastectomy pillow during recovery which was WAY more helpful than I thought it was going to be, however, the part of the pillow that goes under the arms didn't really make it all the way under my arms as much as it's supposed to because I'm wider than the pillow was made for. I don't even know if they make plus-size mastectomy pillows honestly, but if you're thinking of getting one, in my experience it would be worth trying to find a wider option than the standard size!

My nurse also told me a hot tip for if the lower band your compression binder bites into your upper belly: if it's the kind with an elastic band around your ribcage area, you can take off the binder, fold the band hot-dog style, and take some scissors and snip a little half-inch hole in the middle of the band (i.e., not cutting through the bottom or top of the elastic, just putting a hole in it basically). You can add more than one hole, too. Gives the band some much-needed slack without taking the compression off your chest!

If you're not going to have someone to cook for you, prep ahead as much as you can with microwavable foods that don't require you to hold something while you're eating or keep lifting a utensil a lot (like soup was a no for me for both these reasons even though I thought it was going to be like the go-to option!) Planning ahead means you don't have to think about food when your mind and body are both, in my case anyway, completely obliterated.

I sweat A LOT and after surgery it was even more so because no deoderant. If sweat/moisture management and roll care are part of your current hygiene needs/routine, might be worth practicing through the motions as if you've just had surgery ahead of time to try to anticipate what parts of that routine you may need help with. If you use hygiene products for roll care in the area getting surgery it might also be worth consulting with your surgeon about if/when you can resume using those or alternative products.

And lastly, another thing I didn't think about ahead of time is that side rolls/side boob fat are in the Surgery Zone, so they factor into your surgery results and goals, too. I was lucky that even though my surgeon and I didn't talk about it, she left me a nice portion of side chest roll, but I imagine that there are surgeons out there who may just assume you want the side fat gone. Could be good to make sure you and your surgeon are on the same page about what you want, whatever that might look like!

And unrelated but I skipped getting bendy straws because I was like "whatever, I have regular straws at home already, it's fine" - get the bendy straws, SO much easier, give yourself that gift

Good luck!!

THANK YOUUU omg! posting again for those who might need it but will def be referencing!!

[yanderenightmare]

saw you tag benevolent sexism as a trigger warning on one of your pics, was wondering if you could explain what that is? as compared to just regular sexism

Benevolent sexism is the same as any other type of sexism. As in, it's still very much sexism. But there is a small fundamental difference that separates it from most sexism.

Most sexism is based on "negative" feelings - such as (men are stronger than women; therefore, men are better) or (women are hormonal and emotional; therefore incapable of intellectual thought) or (women are weak and only good for birthing children; therefore, they shouldn't do anything else), etc... you know the gist...

But benevolent sexism is more based on "positive" feelings - such as (women are cute, adorable, lovely creatures; therefore, men should cherish them).

And while that's fine and all, what makes it sexist is that those thoughts are generally rooted in other thoughts that still inspire female inferiority to men - such as (women are soft, small, weak creatures; therefore, in need of a man's protection or help) or (women are pretty and dainty little things; therefore, they shouldn't do certain things or have certain jobs)

It's still sexism at its finest, but instead of having undertones of hatred toward women, it has these over-protective and overbearing justifications.

It also applies when people judge a woman's worth strictly by how good a wife, girlfriend, or mother she is - instead of how good she is at her job or in any other aspect of her life.

This is all based on sexism toward women, but it obviously works both ways.

Such as judging a man strictly on how good a provider he is, how talented he is in sports, how much he works out, whether he's likely to win in a fight... etc...

And notions such as (men are strong; therefore, they should take all the hard labor and fight our wars) or even (men are tough; therefore, they shouldn't cry) and (men are capable: therefore, they shouldn't waste their potential doing girly things)

In the fic you're referencing, there was a character (Dabi) who spoke about both sides, both women and men.

“Most girls are better survivors.” - “They learn quickly to accept what will keep them safe, and then, they find solace in whatever they can to maintain their mental health as well…” - “Boys fight until they break. Leaving them a shell of what they once were. But girls don’t have the same pride.” - “They leave themselves behind and become someone new.”

To be honest, I'm not entirely in agreeance with myself when I flagged this as benevolent sexism. But I felt some type of warning was necessary since he's talking about what separates women from men.

Dabi is complementing women by saying this while simultaneously dissing his own gender, but he's also degrading both in a way by insinuating that girls don't have any will to fight back because, in his words, they don't have any pride. He also says that girls are quick to change depending on their situation, saying that they become someone new. Meaning, essentially, he doesn't really think women take any pride in who they are and will change their personality just as quick as a chameleon camouflages itself.

It's really up to each of his own whether to take this as a compliment or not. Either way, I find it a slightly sad point of view.

But a sad compliment or not - it's still kind of tough to say whether it's sexist or not. However, it's obvious he has certain opinions about women - and I figured I might as well flag it as benevolent sexism just to stay safe.

the fic

[neblina-magico]

Sleeping In The Sun

Chapter 5 (Pt.1)

You were desperate for a job so you applied to be the daycare Attendants handler! you have no clue what you're signing yourself into but at least you don't have to pay rent now!

Moon hates you, Sun doesn't know how to feel about you and you're just trying to survive.

——————————————————————————-

There are no windows in the apartment, nothing that greets sunlight in or any sort of shine aside from the artificial lights from the ceiling and lamp on the nightstand. You're awake, painfully aware of it, a sudden dreaded feeling crashes onto you the second you wake up. It's common, happens quite often for you, moments where you'll wake up and suddenly be lost in your thoughts, mind, and emotions. Something swarms of emotions but there are times where it's the lack of emotions that overthrows you.

Leaving you feeling like all you can see is a sort of cloudy darkness, you always associate these moments as seeing shadows, reminiscing of past struggles and experiences that have brought you to deal with these feelings. From the top of your head to the tips of your toes everything feels heavy, still, unmoveable. Today your thoughts are little, your mind is mostly blank, yet despite that, all your emotions feel strong, chaotic, and unorganized. Maybe your mind is completely blank, your mind is in a complex state trying to figure out why you woke up like this, when memories of yesterday surface you have a somewhat clear understanding.

Although the day before you made the effort to remain calm during and after the events with the animatronics, try to hide what happened with Moon in those darker corners of your mind. ‘I was doing pretty well yesterday’ you thought looking up at the star stickers decorating the ceiling, ‘so why now does it catch up to me…’ Closing your eyes you take a breath and tell yourself that today will be better, it will.

Getting up slowly you look at the small clock on the nightstand, you have an hour to get dressed and at least have a small snack. You walk over to the closet and open it, greeted with a whole assortment of clothes, most if not all of them being celestial-themed. Not that you'll complain much, you've always loved astronomy. Taking out the Daycare uniform you start changing out of your pj’s.

~bzzt~

A sudden buzzing sound comes from the bathroom attached to the bedroom, slowly walking over you catch sight of a pink watch sitting on the bathroom counter. It was similar to those smartwatches with a tiny screen and all. The band is a pale pink color with cute little stars decorated throughout.

Reaching over for your toothbrush you start brushing your teeth examining the smartwatch. Taking notice of a red dot hanging on top of one of the apps, opening it you're greeted by an email from Lenna, the same person who did your interview.

“Dear new employee

I hope you've already settled into your new home! Just thought I would send you an email as a friendly reminder that today will be the start of your new job. You'll be starting a new job at Superstar Daycare! As both a caregiver and attendant in the daycare, looking after the kids and helping around and about depending on what Sun and Moon ask of you, but also as the animatronics technicians and such.

As mentioned before you are required to work around the daycare, helping kids, putting stuff in their places, cleaning, and whatever more is needed. That kind of work is decided by the Daycare attendants, as of recently we are required to provide the animatronics with a sense of free will and decision making and so we expect you to follow whatever they require of you. However, there is ONE thing that is absolutely necessary for YOU to do and that is to be there for when guardians drop off their kids and come to pick them up. You have to check in each kid and who dropped them off and then after hours you have to sign them out and make sure PLEASE make sure you ask for ID.

You start at 8 AM and your shift as a daycare attendant is until 6 PM which is closing time for check out. After that your entire shift will typically end around 7 PM unless Sun and Moon need some maintenance or something.

Before I finish this email I'll just like to say that I don't understand why you'll want to come back to a place like this. Like you're way too overqualified for this job wtf are you doing bestie? Either way, I hope you have a good work day.

Best of wishes,

Lenna”

Putting the wristband around your arm you spit out what toothpaste is left in your mouth and start to fix your hair/adjust your headpiece as you look at the mirror. Your eyebags look heavier than usual, darker too, and your mind feels swarmed with all kinds of things.

‘It's all in my head, nothing like that will happen again’

Taking a slow breath you check the time, 7:25 AM, enough time to make breakfast. Rushing over to the kitchen you take out some ingredients for the breakfast you're about to make. You're thinking of something warm and filling to fuel you for the rest of the day at least until lunchtime.

—- —- —

With your little book bag in hand you look at the entrance of the daycare, 7:50 Pm, some parents are already rolling in with their children. Mentally pushing aside the twinkling warm and irritating feeling from your chest you walk past and into the main daycare area. The bright colors never stop to amaze you, walking over to the little counter near the slide you place your bag down and log into the computer. Slumping onto the computer chair you stair at the statue.

The dread of having to interact with those to again weigh heavy on your shoulders, yet before you could enter into another spiral the noise of the doors automatically unlocking drowns out the dark voices gathering in your mind. Plastering on a smile and confident posture you greet the parents one by one each kid gets checked in until an hour later all kids are inside the daycare.

With a sigh you stand up and stretch, walking over to the silly ass looking slide and swoosh inside. No thoughts run through that mind of yours, okay maybe there are some thoughts, some worries and concerns. ‘How's today going to play out? Will I get chased again? Maybe it’ll all be alright’ and hopefully it all will.

You ain't into the ball pit, surprisingly the little cubes (guess it's more of a cube pit then ball) were soft enough that they just squished into your shape. Sadly enough it felt strangely like a hug, like you're sinking into a bed you've long for, the bed only found in your home town. It is a place you would always call home. These thoughts, feelings, and longing looms over you. There's a slight shift, a kid pulls towards you and sits next to you. She tilts her head looking at you with that childlike wonder. You smile at her and she smiles back. Looking at your watch you look at her sheet.

Name: Meelisa James

Age: 6

Height: 137.16 Cm (4ft5in)

Weight: 44.91 Kg (99 Pounds)

Notes: Meelisa is allergic to Strawberries, also please use sign language with her, she's hard of hearing.

Looking back at her you smile.

‘Hello’

She smiles.

‘Hello, who are you? A new friend!’

You nod your head and start to get out of the ball pit looking around, you catch the eye of Sun being chased and claimed by a whole swarm of children.

‘Yes im a new friend, do you want to do some crafts Meelisa?’

You ask her as she walks over to you, smiling and spinning before grabbing hold of your hand and drags you over to the arts and crafts. She makes you sit down while she picks some stuff to use.

——————————————————————————

Part 2 will he out soon I promise.

[topazadine]

Writing Research Notes: Bipolar Disorder

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 19 and had a psychotic episode at age 21, so I'd like to say I know a bit about what I'm talking about. And I'm a writer! So today, I'd like to provide some facts about bipolar as a jumping-off point for your research.

Things we'll discuss:

A note of caution

Types of bipolar disorder

Phases of bipolar

Warning signs of mania

Symptoms of mania

Symptoms of psychosis

How bipolar is treated

Common myths about bipolar

Characterizations to avoid regarding bipolar

How to create an authentic bipolar character

This is just my opinion as someone who has lived with bipolar for a long time. Everyone experiences bipolar a bit differently, so not everything I mention will apply to everyone, and my own story may not reflect every single bipolar person. With that disclaimer, let's go.

A Note of Caution

This is a guide to help people who want to write about bipolar. It should NOT be used for self-diagnosis or to diagnose anyone else.

If you think you have bipolar, you need to speak to a professional as soon as possible. Bipolar disorder is not a cute quirky accessory. Both mania and depression literally cause brain damage, as I've discussed in my post about the Myth of the Martyr-Artist.

This is not something to play around with or to use to build street cred or whatever. It is a serious, severe mental health condition that causes untold hardship for sufferers, including increased risk of suicide, homelessness, addiction, and even dementia.

So please don't read this and go "oh I probably have bipolar lol." If you do read through this and go "oh shit this sounds like me," then get thyself to a physician as soon as possible and go through a real, actual, professional screening.

Alright, anyway, let's get into it.

Types of Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar is typically separated into two types. What kind you have depends on your predisposition to either extreme: mania or depression.

Bipolar 1

People with Bipolar 1 tend to have more severe manic episodes and less severe depressive episodes. They are more predisposed to experience psychotic episodes, though psychosis can happen in Bipolar 2 as well. Bipolar 1 patients may only have very brief depressive episodes or they may only experience their "baseline" and mania. (As an aside, I have Bipolar 1.)

Bipolar 2

People with Bipolar 2 lean more toward depressive episodes. They may experience hypomania, which is a less severe form of mania, but their primary symptom will be depression.

It's important to note that while many say Bipolar 1 is more severe because of the manic episodes and risk of psychosis, this does not discount the extreme suffering that can result from Bipolar 2. Patients with Bipolar 2 have just as many struggles as Bipolar 1 patients.

Phases of Bipolar

Depression

This works much the same as the typical depression that people with Major Depressive Disorder experience, but bipolar patients may be more agitated, self-destructive, and aggressive when depressed.

Hypomania

This is the "less severe" version of mania. In the chart above, it's demonstrated by DIG-FAST: distractibility, impulsivity, grandiosity, flight of ideas, activity increases, sleeplessness, and talkativeness. These happen in full mania too, but to a greater extent.

Many people with Bipolar 2 welcome hypomania because, well, it feels a lot better than the depression they are usually stuck with. However, it's important to note that hypomania, like mania, can cause brain damage. It's not something to screw around with.

Mania

A more severe, destructive version of hypomania: everything is dialed up to 11. People may become hypersexual, spend money they don't have, destroy relationships, make inappropriate comments at work, or even fly into destructive rages.

Mania can be terrifying, both for the sufferer and for those around them. You can be so extremely happy that it's almost painful, or so angry that you feel like you're going to tear your own skin off.

Psychosis

This typically is the "end result" of mania which happens to about 50% of people experiencing a manic episode. It is typified by delusions and hallucinations. We'll discuss these a bit more later.

Contrary to popular belief, psychotic hallucinations are typically auditory, not visual, though visual hallucinations can occur as well. Other strange and less common hallucinations include olfactory (smelling things that aren't there), gustatory (tasting things that aren't there), or sensory (feeling people touching you).

Euthymia 

This is the normal, calm state in between depressive and manic episodes, where one has a sense of well-being and stability. It is the goal of therapy and medication management.

However, experiencing euthymia doesn't mean that the bipolar disorder is gone: it just means that it is in remission. Bipolar patients must always be on alert for warning signs of mania and be active participants in their own care.

Warning Signs of Mania

Manic episodes often come with prodomes, symptoms that appear before full-blown mania.

Bipolar patients and their families should be on alert for these warning signs and, if they continue to occur for more than a week or so, schedule an appointment with the patient's psychiatrist to see if they need a higher medication dosage.

Here are some common signs that happen before full-blown mania:

Feeling either really great or really terrible for no reason. Sometimes you can feel really great and really terrible at the same time. It's a very weird feeling.

Functioning well on little sleep for days on end. Not just one sleepless night, but being able to go to work and function on like 4 hours of sleep night after night.

Increased or decreased appetite. Either you hate food or it's the most important thing in your life. Can fluctuate day by day.

Increased productivity. You're getting soooo much done and so quickly! (It probably sucks but we'll put that aside for now.) You just want to work on your passion projects constantly.

Sudden interest in multiple new hobbies all at once, and throwing yourself into them with such passion that it's scary.

Weird physical symptoms. You may find yourself locked into a position and not want to move, or your skin may feel odd, like it's too tight or prickly.

Sudden bouts of tinnitus. It sounds really weird, but it's been proven to be a sign of impending mania along with the skin symptoms I mentioned before.

Your eyes look different. Your pupils are always dilated.

Not everyone will get all of these, but most people will have at least one trigger that happens to them every time before a manic episode. For me, it was hypergraphia (because of course it was).

Symptoms of Mania

Not all of these symptoms will happen to everyone, and every manic episode can be a little different. It all really depends on who you are. Now, I must say that anyone, bipolar or not, can have these symptoms. It is the intensity of them that defines mania. A manic episode can ruin your life because you just get. so. extreme. about whatever it is.

Becoming extremely focused on random things and projects. For me, it was cleaning the house: I started throwing out old photos that I thought we didn't need because I didn't want any clutter. I would sweep the floor for hours at a time. Sudden and intense interest in random subjects. I got really obsessed with Neolithic Scotland of all things. Now I can't even remember half the shit I learned. Spending way too much money. Many people will go into extreme debt because of their mania, especially if they don't have family support. I spent like $300 on a kitchen knife set despite having a full set of perfectly serviceable kitchen knives. I also bought a professional-grate ukulele that I very much could not afford and very much did not need. Worsening of any addictions or developing new addictions. Especially seen in gambling addictions because, well, you already want to spend a lot of money and it's an extreme dopamine hit. Sudden and intense aggression or emotional volatility. Normally calm and relaxed people will go off the deep end about pretty much anything: screaming, throwing things, and then bursting into tears out of guilt. I'm normally a pretty chill person, but one time I threw a phone at my mom's head because she pissed me off so much. I can't even remember what she said to make me mad. Feeling invincible. Manic people are convinced that nothing bad could ever happen to them and they can do whatever they want. Think of someone running into traffic, sure that no one will hit them. Or, on the other hand, feeling terrified of everything. This can happen to the same person, sometimes simultaneously. You may believe everything is a threat, even when there is no clear and obvious threat. Being physically incapable of sleeping. It's not insomnia like normal people experience, where you pop a melatonin or do some breathing exercises and manage to fall asleep. You cannot fall asleep. Normal sleeping pills do not work. You may need heavy-duty tranquilizers. One time, I combined like five Benadryl and a whole bottle of whisky and STILL couldn't get to sleep. I was crying because of how tired I was. Talking extremely fast and in an extremely disconnected way. This is called flight of ideas; you start jumping from one discussion to another in ways that other people can't follow. Your brain has made that leap but can't articulate it for other people. Shiny eyes. You really can see mania in the eyes; it's very unsettling. Manic eyes look dark, wide, and shimmery. Hypersexuality. I did not have this problem, but I have talked to bipolar people who wrecked their marriages because they could not control their urges. That's not an excuse, of course, nor does it lessen the pain that the other person felt. But it can indeed happen. Unintentional pregnancies, STDs, and a whole lot of bad feelings can come from this. Kleptomania. I also did not experience this, but I have heard of other bipolar people who felt an uncontrollable urge to steal things they didn't even need to: they could afford it, they just wanted the thrill of stealing it.

Mania can cause amnesia afterward, and the person may not remember large swathes of what happened, or it will feel "dream-like" and confusing. Of course, they've got some major damage control to do that can plummet them into depression.

Symptoms of Psychosis

Again, just like with mania, not everyone will experience all of these. If a person has multiple psychotic episodes, each one may be a bit different every time.

I'm going to separate this into several sections: common delusions, common hallucinations, and Other symptoms (which are often not discussed as much).

Common Delusions

Delusions can shift throughout the course of a psychotic episode, seamlessly morphing from one to another without clear cause.

With psychoanalysis, one can often find that there are "seeds" of a delusion in the person's everyday life, and they may be connected to current events. For example, someone may think they're the reincarnation of a previous president during a presidential election.

Being god or a reincarnation of a famous person

Extreme religiosity

A belief that they have found the "key" to the universe and that everything is connected by some vast conspiracy

Being surveilled by a government entity, sometimes with the belief that they have had tracking devices installed without their consent

Being stalked, harassed, or tormented by unknown entities or by strangers (gang-stalking)

Being persecuted for a certain identity

Having some special role to play or a special status

Being a member of a special community

Having special knowledge or insight into issues, like world affairs

Being ill with another disease, like cancer or dementia

Being ageless, immortal, or invincible

Having a special connection with a celebrity, famous person, fictional character, people you know, or even strangers

A sense that loved ones have been replaced with clones or copies

Believing that there is a secret "play" going on and other people are playing along with a secret "script"

Believing other people can hear your thoughts, or that you can hear theirs

Common Hallucinations

Repeating noises, words, or phrases, often in distinct voices

Spectral, unhearable music

Environmental noises that don't exist, like train whistles or construction sounds

Repeating jingles or "ear-worms" that get stuck and may continue for days or weeks off and on

Humming, whirring, or ringing

Mutated or blurry faces, even of people you know well

A sense that a person's face is not their "real" face and they are wearing a mask

Haloes or auras around people or animals

Sparkles, flashes, and black spots

Colorful lights, ribbons, or strings

Seeing people you know who could not feasibly be there, like old coworkers, old partners, or deceased relatives

Vague blurry shapes, or distinct monster-like entities

Strangely shaped or mutated animals or people

"String people" or "stick people"

Black "void people"

Shadows that aren't there, typically around doors or windows

Skittering bugs, rodents, or snakes, often black or blurry

Bugs or small creatures crawling on the skin

Itchiness or grittiness on the skin

Light feathery touches along the skin, especially on the back or hands

Goosebumps with no clear cause that don't go away

Bad smells, like feces, garbage, body odor, or burning plastic

Good smells, often those from childhood

Losing sense of smell or taste

Sense that the mouth is full when nothing is there

Prickly tongue

Metallic taste (may be a medication side effect)

Other Symptoms

Muscle stiffness

Catatonia

Slurred or fast speech

Lack of appetite

Weight loss

Migraines

Parkinsonian symptoms (tremors)

How Bipolar Is Treated

Bipolar is treated in a few ways, with the most important and prominent being medication.

Medication

Bipolar is typically treated with mood stabilizers, which is a vague class that includes anticonvulsants, SSRIs, SNRIs, and other groups of medications. (The medication I use, Lamictal, is an anticonvulsant.)

Psychiatrists must be very careful when prescribing antidepressants for Bipolar I patients because too much can bring on mania. Bipolar 1 patients will often have an antipsychotic added to their regimen as well. There are new classes of drugs that combine antidepressants with antipsychotics for a one-and-done deal.

Bipolar patients may also have antianxiety medications added to their regimen.

Psychosis is a medical emergency and must be treated as soon as possible. Fast-acting antipsychotics can be injected in the emergency room to stablize a psychotic patient. They may also use tranquilizers to calm a paranoid or combative patient.

Like with schizophrenia, patients who are not medication-compliant may opt for a long-lasting antipsychotic injection that only needs to be done once a month or once every three months.

Therapy

A history of trauma is one of the things that predisposes a person to bipolar disorder, so working on this can help reduce symptoms. EMDR therapy can be a safe and effective way to process trauma for bipolar patients.

However, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) doesn't work very well for bipolar patients because, well, their cognitive distortions are brought about by chemical changes in the brain, not just seeing the world "wrong."

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a better choice for bipolar patients because it helps them become more aware of their thoughts and, therefore, better able to manage their emotions.

Other options include equine-assisted therapy (my favorite!), art therapy, and family therapy to help build a stronger support system.

Lifestyle Changes

All the stuff that helps "normal" people can help bipolar patients, too. For example, having a set routine, eating well, setting and keeping a bedtime, getting exercise, and eating well are all crucial for managing bipolar, in addition to medication and therapy.

Weight management is a critical component of bipolar treatment. A lot of antipsychotics and mood stabilizers can cause weight gain, even when someone isn't overeating; they can also cause cravings for sweet foods or an increased appetite.

Because bipolar is often comorbid with other conditions worsened by excess weight, such as diabetes, heart disease, and PCOS, care must be taken to keep one's weight down. Excercise, because it has neurogenic benefits, can be enormously helpful in helping to heal the brain.

Some medications also cause vitamin deficiencies because they affect the way that the body processes nutrients, and they may block absorption of certain nutrients. Multivitamins can counteract this and even reduce symptoms because some deficiencies have a marked impact on mood.

Bipolar people should not drink, as it reduces the efficacy of medications and can lead to nasty side effects. They also should NOT smoke weed, especially if they have a history of psychosis. Yes, marijuana-induced psychosis is very real and far more likely for a bipolar person.

Additionally, bipolar people should nurture their support system, as having family support is a key factor in whether a bipolar person can stay stable.

Common Myths About Bipolar

Bipolar people are dangerous. Not necessarily true, though common media depictions show this as if all bipolar people are roving murderers.

In fact, bipolar people are more likely to kill themselves than anyone else: it has the highest suicide rate of any psychiatric illness, about 20 to 30 times more than the general population.

Medication is a crutch and bipolar people can get better by themselves. Wrong. Just like someone doesn't magically get better from Type I Diabetes without treatment, bipolar people need medication.

Bipolar can be treated just with lifestyle changes. Again, just like someone with Type I diabetes, you can't just will the bipolar away. You need treatment. No amount of supplements or sunshine will fix it. It's a brain disorder.

Medication turns bipolar people into emotionless zombies. Incorrect, with a caveat. The wrong dosage or type of medication very much can make someone into a zombie; I've certainly felt that way before. However, the correct treatment allows bipolar people to thrive and stay stable for years to come.

A bipolar person can never become stable and will always have symptoms. Sorta not true. Bipolar comes with other issues, like executive dysfunction, that cannot always be managed or treated. BUT bipolar people very much can become stable and mostly asymptomatic with the right treatment.

Bipolar people are always having some sort of crisis. It can feel that way, but once a person is stable, they can look just like anyone else.

Bipolar can go away. No. Even if you are in remission, you still have bipolar disorder and can relapse at any time. It is a brain dysfunction that causes measurable structural differences in the brain which do not go away.

Once you snap out of psychosis/mania, you're right back to normal. Wrong. You don't just wake up and are not psychotic anymore. It takes time for your brain to equalize and come back to baseline. I remember it as feeling like I was rising out of a long, long sleep. Once someone is stable, it's like nothing ever happened. Mania or depression causes brain changes that can last years after the episode. On average, the brain damage from mania exists for up to seven years after the last episode, and it worsens with each subsequent episode.

Any fluctuation in mood is a symptom of bipolar. This is so, so, so annoying. Bipolar people are allowed to have bad days just like anyone else. If I'm having a shitty day but I'm not throwing phones at people, then I'm probably just having a bad day. If I'm really happy, it doesn't mean I'm manic.

Bipolar people can't help it and shouldn't be punished for their actions. No no no. What I like to say is that my bipolar doesn't excuse my behavior, but it does explain it. If you hurt someone while manic, you still hurt someone and it's still your fucking fault! Never use it as an excuse to be an asshole.

Everything about bipolar is terrible. Wrong! Bipolar can have benefits like creativity, empathy, good problem-solving, and a unique perspective on life. A stable bipolar person can be a delight to be around. But these don't discount the downsides and should not be a reason to refuse treatment.

Characterizations to Avoid Regarding Bipolar

Roving maniac. Kind of a duh. We have a bad enough rap anyway.

Evil murderer. Same as above.

Abusive evil spouse. I mean, yeah, a bipolar person can be abusive, but they're likely abusive because they're a shitty person and bipolar is just a side effect.

Manic pixie dream girl. Don't romanticize bipolar either.

Miserable cinnamon roll. We're people, okay? Complex, multifactorial, interesting people. We're not constantly miserable.

Total trainwreck. If you're going to show someone's nervous breakdown, please please please show them when they are stable too. Please don't just distil the bipolar person down to their symptoms. Show us as who we are: complex people just like you or anyone else.

Drama magnet. Frankly, a lot of bipolar people don't want to get involved in other people's shit. We've got our own stuff going on. We're not out to wreck your life, we're just trying to get through the day.

How to Create an Authentic Bipolar Character

Do your research. Read a mixture of medical journals, stories from bipolar people, and good depictions of bipolar disorder in the media. Go beyond what I have discussed here and seek out good, peer-reviewed research.

Don't add bipolar just for shock value. Annoying and shitty. If you're thinking of making an evil cruel murdermonster, stop. We have it hard enough and you're going to make it worse.

Create the character first, then add the bipolar. Every bipolar person is different, just like every person is different. Get a feel for your character and then determine how they might act when manic or depressed.

Use an array of symptoms. Don't just go for "ooooh scary monster in the corner of my eye" because that's boring and overdone. Look through the list I provided and consider how you can fit a few of them in there.

Remember that it takes time to recover from an episode. You should not just have your character wake up one day and be cured. They will feel "off" for a while after an episode, like a very very long hangover.

Consider medication symptoms. Decide what medication they will use and then look up the symptoms. Demonstrate how this makes them feel and whether it makes them want to continue treatment.

Think about how a character feels about their bipolar. Some people don't think it's a problem because they like the energy, and others are terrified of relapsing. Some see it as a challenge to be overcome, and others find it to be a burden that they want to be rid of. And many will feel all of these at different times.

Show the impact on other characters. Remember that your other characters are seeing and reacting to this. They may be terrified, frustrated, hurt, dismissive, or not want to deal with it.

Demonstrate times of stability, too. Too many people use bipolar as an "ooooh soo sad" (especially psychosis) and don't show the character just being a normal human being.

Show the ableism bipolar people face. Yes, we do face ableism. People calling us crazy, denying us medical care, passing us up for jobs, or my very least favorite, "have you taken your meds today?" UGH SHUT UP YES I HAVE LEAVE ME ALONE.

Remember that many people are not medication compliant. Medication compliance is one of the number one indicators of whether a person will stay stable long term. If your character refuses to take their medication, then they are more likely to relapse.

People have many reasons for not accepting treatment: they don't like the way it feels, they're embarrassed, they don't see it as a problem, or they can't afford it (some of these meds can be hundreds of dollars a month even with insurance). So make sure to explain why they are medication non-compliant.

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The trans man's guide to singing (on T and other things)

Introduction:

First things first: I am a trans man on HRT who's studying to become a professional singer (not opera lmao, I'm studying modern singing) and all the information I'm providing comes from my personal experience and what my current teacher, who's been teaching me since I started T, taught and told me during my voice change. This is directed towards people who want to go professional because, again, that's my personal experience, but if you're reading this because you like singing as just a hobby, most of what I'll be talking about applies to you too. I might overexplain things because I want this whole thing to be understandable to everyone, including people who barely know what vocal cords and the diaphragm are; on the same note, I hope I don't end up sounding condescending and if I do, just know that's not my intention at all. I won't be saying anything about pre-T voice training because I never did that and giving the wrong advice when it comes to these things can lead to serious damage to people's vocal cords and throats, so this is strictly a singing through and after a voice change post.

The Basics:

The first thing you have to do is talk to your teacher and explicitly tell them everything about your situation (this applies to anyone, cis or trans: you've worn a back brace during your whole childhood? Tell them. You've had any kind of surgery on your nose? Tell them, and so on; they'll probably ask anyway). I know it can be hard and even scary when you're trans, but if you don't do it you won't achieve your goals; I remember going to another teacher when I was a semi-closeted teenager without disclosing I wanted to work more on my lower register and it made my dysphoria so much worse that I just quit after a few months and didn't try taking singing lessons again for years. And being straightforward helps with both finding a good teacher and finding a safe and positive environment by avoiding bigots (sad, but true). Being honest with your teacher is also crucial because when it comes to singing, it's very important to find positions that feel comfortable and don't physically hurt your throat and vocal cords (or any other body part that's involved in singing) in order to not train your muscle memory on movements that are detrimental for your body, and while no one can find them for you, you need to tell your teacher when something your muscles are doing hurts or feels uncomfortable. Singing is almost like doing sports as the vocal cords are muscles that can and do get hurt, and adopting the wrong positions can result in a less than ideal performance at best and in injury at worst. I can't really help with this though, because I can't tell someone else how to move their own body and how to flex their own muscles and I am not a teacher, I can just tell you to take it slow and that when something's right you'll feel it and when something's wrong you'll also feel it. And remember that something not working for you doesn't make you a failed singer or anything like that, it just means you haven't found what works for you yet.

Singing while wearing a binder:

I wanted to start with this first because I think it's very important. Back in the day I've read posts on the Internet saying you should not sing while wearing a binder and while I do get where those posts are coming from, not everyone can afford to not wear one, myself included (before getting my top surgery last year). At first I tried going to my singing lessons with a sports bra under a loose flannel shirt (that kind of pattern, along with checkered patterns, helps hiding curves) but honestly it sucked as I felt too dysphoric, so I had to come up with a solution. At the time I happened to have an older, more stretched out looser binder that I decided to relegate to the role of singing binder because it didn't do its job properly anymore as an every day binder, but if worn with looser shirts in warm weather and layers in cold weather, it was perfect for singing. It still hid my chest fairly well and wasn't as constrictive as a newer and tighter binder would have been. One important thing to keep in mind is that while wearing a binder your ribcage doesn't have as much freedom as it would have without one and while that does suck, don't beat yourself up if you notice that it's difficult to do some things. I've sung while wearing a binder for most of my life and you can make it work, it just takes time and patience. If you can/want to, you can just not wear anything underneath your shirt to sing, but personally I tried doing that like once and felt awful. And if you wear tape, I guess that would be the best option; I never figured out how to wear it so I have no experience with it, I watched video tutorials and stuff but for me it never worked and I still don't know what I did wrong, but if you do wear it, try going with that.

Singing after top surgery:

I'm sorry for what I'm about to say, but after top surgery you'll have to forget how you sang while wearing a binder and start learning (almost) all over again because it's a whole 'nother story: your posture will be better and your ribcage will be more free, making you able to hold notes for longer and breathe in more air, which means you'll have to do some adjustments. First things first, you'll have to wait at least a month after your surgery to sing again (that's what my surgeon told me but you should still talk to yours, even though I'd say that as long as you'll have to wear the post surgery tight thing I forgot the name of you should avoid singing) and you'll have to take things slow. I got my surgery in August 2023 and I'm still (re)learning stuff, so be patient because it's worth it, my ribcage feels so much better now and my posture has improved, making singing overall better and easier. The most important rule when it comes to singing is listen to your body. If something feels weird or wrong, stop, figure out (with your teacher if you're taking lessons) why it feels like that and try to fix it (again, with your teacher); don't push yourself too far/too hard, otherwise you could get hurt. This applies to singing with a binder, singing after surgery, and just singing in general. Trans, cis, doesn't matter: listen to your body. I can't say anything more about this because everyone's different so I don't think I should be giving tips as what works for me might not work for you, you have to figure it out yourself. Having a teacher helps and there are some things that are pretty much universal, but their body is not your body and there are multiple ways to do the same thing based on each individual's preferences, needs, and bodies.

Can I/should I take singing lessons while my voice is still changing?

Yes, it's actually recommended! I've already said it here, but a couple months before going on HRT I found out through another trans man singer's website that taking singing lesson during your voice change helps a lot, both with your technique and with your voice is general. For your technique, it's beneficial because otherwise you'd end up with a completely different and untrained voice all of a sudden, making it harder to get back into singing and harder to find new positions that work for you, and for your voice in general, it just make the change easier. I have recordings of me singing and talking that I made each month as my voice change progressed and while my singing voice was a mess, some months literally changing every week (not necessarily going lower and lower each time, one week I'd be a baritone and the week later I'd be a tenor for some reason, then back to baritone and so on), my speaking voice rarely cracked. No idea if it's related to me taking singing lessons since the beginning but I'm saying this regardless just in case. For reference, I started T on August 4, 2021 (on this exact same day three years ago!) and started taking singing lessons the following month, so I've basically trained my voice during its entire journey.

Oh no, my voice change is a mess!

Worry not! It's totally normal and there will be lots of adjusting to do and what works for one week or one month or any other period of time probably won't work anymore as your voice keeps changing (especially when trying to switch from your regular voice to your falsetto, as your muscle memory was trained to switch at/on a different range), that's frustrating but, again, normal so don't panic if a position you adopted for a few weeks suddenly doesn't work anymore and you'll end up sounding like a hairdryer with no sound coming out of your mouth. Actually, sometimes what my teacher and I call the hairdryer effect isn't even a matter of positions, sometimes during your voice change you just won't have some specific notes and your voice will break instead but again don't panic, the notes will come eventually. While my voice did drop pretty fast, it took me around two years to finally get a full range (in my case the missing notes were exactly in between my regular register and my falsetto register, making switching between the two a pain; I think it's actually how it is for everyone in general but I'm not sure as I am just me y'know). Also my teacher told me most guys' voices will drop very low for a while and then stabilize themselves on a higher speaking range and while it kinda didn't happen to me according to her due to me being a bass-baritone and my voice stabilizing itself on a much lower speaking range, that's the average experience. Anyway don't worry, your lower notes aren't gone, you still have them but you'll have to work a little more than you used to to hit them.

Figuring out your range and type:

I'll have to tell you about voice types, ranges and classifications first. There are many different voice type classification systems, none of which universally applied (music is messy), so I'll go with the basic operatic six types one that I grew up with and that most people use. From highest to lowest: soprano, mezzosoprano (also known as just mezzo), contralto, tenor, baritone, bass. Those are the main groups, but there are subcategories as well, such as countertenor (sometimes considered a main group for some reason, no shade though) and bass-baritone (my voice type! 👋). If your voice's done changing or if you are pre-T, figuring out your range and type will be quite easy but if your voice is still changing, don't worry about it, you'll just have to check what it's up to from time to time until it'll be done and it'll settle on its final range and type (me and my deep ass voice had to go through almost the entire male range spectrum in like a year and a half so I'm speaking from experience here). An important thing to know is that pitch isn't everything as there are many other characteristics that together define and categorize a person's voice, and that voice range and voice type are two separate things as well; your vocal range doesn't define your voice type on its own because voice types are more about where you feel more comfortable singing rather than what notes you can hit (which is what defines the range of one's voice). To have an idea of what you'll probably sound like after your voice's done changing, you have to see what you sound like pre-T. The length of the vocal cords plays a huge role in this: the longer the vocal cords are, deeper the voice is; testosterone puberty results in elongated vocal cords, so if you've always had longer vocal cords like in my case, your voice will be on the lower end of the spectrum. As I just said, I had a pretty low voice pre-T, as I was a contralto as a preteen (I sang in a choir from age nine to twelve, started as a mezzo but then my voice started dropping around eleven years old), and therefore have a pretty low voice now, as I am a bass-baritone (a subtype of both the baritone and the bass types; the term refers to a lower baritone or a higher bass that can sing both and I am a lower baritone but usually sing bass because it's more physically comfortable for me), because I have long vocal cords and that's it; and while there aren't many studies about the exact role of genetics in the developing of the human voice, I sound eerily similar to my father so here's that.

Don't think that starting T sooner would have given you a deeper voice because I started it at twenty and while I acknowledge that's still fairly young, my first puberty was (sadly) already done and yet my voice is deeper than most cis men's (both statistically and anecdotally speaking). You can start whenever and it won't impact how your voice turns out. And if you're thinking about starting to smoke to make your voice lower: don't. I'm a former smoker myself and while I don't make a fuss about people smoking because I'm European, it's just counterproductive from a logical standpoint. Though one thing about singers is that, just like doctors, we smoke; when you meet a singer there's a high chance they're a smoker and if they aren't there's a high chance they used to be, no idea why. Anyway, don't smoke because it's not worth ruining your voice and lung capacity over and it's also not recommended at all while on testosterone (I smoked very little, like a few cigarettes every two weeks or sometimes even once a month, and my endocrinologist still told me to quit because my blood tests were a little messed up because of that). While it's best to go to a professional, there are YouTube videos that illustrate how to find your vocal range if you want to do that on your own or only plan to sing as a hobby, so I won't say anything about that. What I will say though, is that you should warm up first (always warm up first at least a little no matter what you do, especially if you plan to sing in the morning; even just talking out loud for a while can count as warming your voice up) and if you want to find out your range on your own please use the aforementioned YouTube videos, I've watched and even used a few back in the day and they'll tell you exactly how to do things right, don't just start belting out note after note until your voice is straining and uncomfortable because you'll get hurt (I want to make clear, as I've mentioned the possibility of getting hurt in the previous paragraphs, that getting hurt when it comes to singing ranges from having a bit of a sore throat for a while because you didn't drink water before performing to permanently ruining your voice and losing parts of your range because you tried metal screaming with no training so yeah, be careful).

Useful exercises:

In my experience the most useful exercises to do during a voice change are interval slides with the classic, iconic brrr (that I had to look up the name of because I swear no one, not even one singer, in human history has ever called it by its proper name: lip roll; I'm leaving the brrr thing instead of editing it out because it's funny) and some basic hear it and sing it. Also my teacher and I found out, during a phoniatrician check-up I did while my voice was still changing, that singing big jumps between notes helps a lot, even though I have no idea why. Basically, get a piano or keyboard (here's a link for a virtual piano if you need it), play random notes, and sing; it's important for you to switch between your modal (what I've been referring to as "regular" in this post) register and your falsetto register. I suck at explaining things, but this is what you have to do: play one note, sing it, then play the next, and so on. Additionally, I went through my text conversations with my teacher back when my voice was at the beginning of its journey and found the links to three videos we used a lot at the time, so here they are: this 10 minute vocal warm up, some beginner bass vocal warm ups, and some other bass-baritone vocal warm ups. If you go through these channels you'll find other exercises for other voice types and ranges as well. I recommend using jazz singer Judy Niemack's recordings (playlist linked in the above paragraph) because those are the one I used and still use. Your range and voice type don't really matter, you can either harmonize with her or sing in your comfortable range (in tune!) (or not in tune if you're doing this as a hobby I guess, I'm a singer not a cop) (but ear training is fundamental if you want to go professional, so: in tune!).

Alright I think I explained pretty much everything, but if you have questions don't hesitate to ask! I'll be more than happy to answer.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hey Dani,

Can I ask for some advice or maybe explanation. You had mentioned you got into consulting later on in your career.

Um at the risk of sounding stupid,

How?

How does one get into consulting?

Also what's freelancing and how is that different?

Also how does one start these things. Like are there forums that u just join? Is this like a job application? Do u need marketing for this? Like know how to market yourself?

Yours truly

A very confused early professional 🥺

No such thing as stupid questions in this household 😌

Let me take this one by one.

Firstly, freelancing and consulting are not the same, but they are kind of used simultaneously sometimes. They are both self-employed roles (where you can work with multiple people at the same time on a contractual basis). However, freelancing involves providing specific skills or services on a project basis, while consulting focuses on offering expert advice and strategic guidance.

For example, I am a freelance trainer. So people hire me when they need to do a training and I do that training and get paid for it. I get paid by the hour (or per workshop/assignment) for that. I don't have any other business than that. In the same way, you see freelance voice artists or translators or graphic designers, where you just go in and do one thing and get paid for it. You're not involved in the whole project or company or anything. This kind of work is idea if you're trying to make money and not get attached to the company/teams you work with.

Consulting is a more involved role. You're usually an advisor for a whole project so you're overseeing everything (but you're still not part of the organization or team). You're like an external person overseeing something in a specific capacity (gender in my case) and give advice on everything related to that. So for eg, I am a gender consultant for one organization and I basically not only do their gender training, but I also do their social media content, provide input on their strategies, etc.

I think what you are referring to and looking for is more of a freelance role than a consulting one because the latter can sometimes feel like a full-time job depending on how much work is there. The consulting jobs I do don't need me 24/7 and I work like twice a week so it's great for me. So whatever they need my advice on they have to ask me on those two days.

An important thing about doing freelance/consulting work is to set boundaries. I can do a separate post on that if necessary.

In terms of how do you become a consultant, a few things:

You need a brand. Like a niche thing. I can't tell you how to market yourself, but you need something to market yourself about. Like what are you offering? What is your area of expertise? Try to specialize on a particular area (but not too specific because then it's becomes difficult to find opportunities) so you can promote yourself based on that.

LinkedIn is a great place to boost yourself. Look at what other consultants in your area of work are doing. Follow organizations (depending on your sector of interest) that hire consultants. They ALL do. It's easier to pay someone to do a specific job than to train your employees to do it (which is sad tbh).

When you look for jobs set the type to 'consultancy' so you only find jobs that are consultancies (short-term/project-based opportunities).

Most important for consultancies and freelance work is word of mouth and a good reputation. I hardly apply for jobs anymore because once you become a consultant and create a reputation for yourself in a sector (it takes a few years trust me, I've been doing this since 2021 and I'm just now getting there), they will refer you to each other.

BUT - this depends on the sector you work in. If it's corporate, it's a bit difficult. Because they don't like hiring the same consultants as others because of competition. In this case, something that would REALLY help is a portfolio - it could be a website or a pdf document that people can look at - to see your approach, past work, credentials etc).

Overall, if you're an early career professional, I'd recommend that you find a good job where you can learn and build a reputation for yourself (like an org that allows you to thrive without being sucked into their overall company identity) so people know you and your work - not just as your company's work. In other words, work in a place that allows you to take credit for it. Then, once you become a mid-career professional, you can start doing consultancies. But again, this depends on your field. A lot of people, like designers, start off as freelance because it works better for their job. So, it's completely up to you.

Happy to answer more questions if you have them 💙

[tatertato]

life series smp winners playlists part 2

we're back! for those who don't know, i'm putting together songs that i think fit each of the life series winners, and they're either songs i've seen work really really well in animatics already or songs that would probably work really well, but are less popular or not associated with this fandom (yet)

i'll be linking+listing them here as well as providing little snippets of explanation for why i think the song fits, but i don't feel like making actual spotify playlists or smth, so if anyone else wants to do that, be my guest.

i still had trouble finding good songs for some of them (this one especially)- if anyone seeing this has a good idea that i missed, lmk and i'll update these posts (no promises tho)

pt 1 (3L!Grian)

pt 3 (DL!Pearl)

Last Life: Scott

Boss Bitch - Doja Cat: alright, kickin it off strong! picked this song for the gaslight gatekeep girlboss energy and little else

Yeah, ain't tryna be cool like you Wobblin' around in your high-heeled shoes I'm clumsy, made friends with the floor Two for one, you know a bitch buy four And two left feet, you know I always drop (this line because of this post and this post alone)

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss I'm a bitch and a boss, I'ma shine like gloss (need i say more)

Said, I took it and I ran for it I won it then I stand on it (NEED I SAY MORE)

2. Two - Sleeping at Last: as i mentioned i had some trouble finding songs for scott since i dont watch his pov too often, so some of these are less exclusively last life and more just his character in general. that being said, i do feel like this still fits to an extent for LL!Scott

Sweetheart, you look a little tired When did you last eat? Come in and make yourself right at home Stay as long as you need (this is scott's total eldest sibling energy, always helping and trying to be friends before anything- ex: taking in cleo, being friendly to scar)

You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat (this applies more after last life, see: the many many many times he offers to sacrifice himself, but also the fact that he refuses to betray his friends as the boogeyman)

Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you without any strings attached And what a privilege it is to love A great honour to hold you up (very representative of scott's trust and loyalty to his allies in every series, through both chaos and peace)

3. Constellations - The Oh Hellos: at first this one was only here for the star symbolism, but after listening to it a couple more times it does fit pretty well (also the oh hellos is very scottagecore)

'Cause like constellations a million years away Every good intention, every good intention Is interpolation, a line we drew in the array Looking for the faces Looking for the shapes in the silence (despite all his efforts to maintain alliances throughout the series, everything inevitably falls apart in the chaos of the finale)

Like constellations imploding in the night Everything is turning, everything is turning The shapes that you drew may change beneath a different light And everything you thought you knew Will fall apart, but you'll be all right (LL was really the only series in which they made a point to isolate the reds- in DL, there was always a pair, and alliances stayed solid despite name color in LimL and SL- but in LL, alliances could be torn apart so quickly, loyalties constantly changing which made it hard to trust others and that shows why scott's loyalty stood out)

4. How to Be a Heartbreaker - Marina and the Diamonds: this is another one that isn't exclusively LL, i just had to put one in abt scotts many ex's.

Rule number one is that you gotta have fun But, baby, when you're done, you gotta be the first to run Rule number two, just don't get attached to Somebody you could lose (i see these "rules" kind of as lessons learned from each season instead, like things he tells himself he'll do next time, but because of his loyal and caring nature, never can)

How to be a heartbreaker Boys they like the look of danger We'll get him falling for a stranger A player, singing I lo-lo-love you At least I think I do (really like i said, a play on the ex's)

5. The Garden - The Crane Wives: here it is, the obligatory crane wives song

Put your ear to my heart or set your teeth against my throat Give me something pretty to wear beneath my blood-stained clothes (something abt this line is just very scott to me)

Lay me down Pour the dirt into our bed Tell the crows They can have their pound of flesh The ghosts at the window echo all our quiet prayers When they come for us, they'll come with hammers and nails My darling, the devil knows my name My name My name (this comes from the things i've seen about how the watchers hate scott, the watchers here symbolized as "the crows" and "the devil")

6. A Terrible Ride - Lizard Boy: this one is an animatic recommendation! here's the animatic -also i think this is applies to most of the winners very angst

I used to be calm But now this ticking bomb is gonna go off (the way he goes after ren for revenge after pearl's death)

I fought and fought hard And I could've died But I got scarred A terrible ride Ride This game was not fun I thought it was right Because I won Was it worth the fight? Fight? (WATCH THE ANIMATIC)

Written in the starss This could have been ours (what can i say, im a sucker for the star symbolism)

and that's all for scott! DL!pearl coming soon!

[witchofthesouls]

What's Blaster's coding quirks? I know you said Soundwave (in most continuities) was seeker-kin, but I don't think there was anything said about the other him.

(also can I be tentai anon cause uh- you know why :))

First of all, I really like that name 🤣

Second, I need to tag that post specifically since I mixed my own headcanons with an ask that requested a 'what if' scenario where Casette-Carriers paired up as part of their coding quirks.

I'm thinking of host pairs au because more details keep growing in my head...

I just really like the thought that Soundwave has Seekerkin-coding since it could explain his telepathic abilities. Same can be applied to this particular au as well.

In general, I like to think that Cassette-Carriers have quirks that make them really great at sorting an impressive amount of data, which amplifies their extrasensory perception, and they make excellent studs/sires due to their very high-yield sparks that constantly need to be drained and they have the associated reproductive hardware that's geared for it. (So Blaster also has a glowy pair of balls, too.)

Their datacables are unlike other Cybertronians' cables. It's not the delicate uplinks every mecha has or the thin cords of S.T.E.M. specialities. Datacables are thick, malleable, and the density can be manipulated by the host with many capabilities. Because of the fighting and trapping potential along with sinuous movements and how those cables can spring from everywhere from their frames, it reminds many of their ancient boogeyman: the many-faced, many-limbed Quintessons and the mythical monsters of sparkeaters.

Combined with the frame-type's rarity, they have a lot of negative stereotypes.

In host pairs au, very young tapedecks gravitate to their own kind of similar ages to form a type of bond that's essential to their functioning since they can't build cassettes at that point of development. Pairs synch their systems together via datacables into every opening to drain out their sparks back into healthier, stable levels by grounding. Some pairs go as far to even blend their frames together because of the instinct to help balance out the overstressed spark.

It's a type of intimacy that freaks out a lot of mecha as the sparklings straight up go into this state with few-to-no words. Meanwhile, the few adult hosts need to calm down creators and guardians because it's not a sexual deviancy or a Resonants thing. It's a health necessity. Medics don't have the necessary knowledge on how to counter the flares and simultaneously drain the charge in a host sparkling's unstable spark.

In this AU, Blaster and Soundwave have a really complicated relationship that stems from their backgrounds and their own habits. Blaster comes from a family of performers and musicians with ties to universities. (That's why he wasn't given up or stolen away.) His family tried their best with good intentions, but they're very much 'conceal, don't feel' as they overfretted on Blaster's "unfortunate condition." Soundwave, on the other hand, was a lost, wandering sparkling, trapped in his overwhelming abilities.

Blaster provided the mental and physical buffer to help Soundwave navigate his advanced telepathic powers, and Soundwave was the emotional security that Blaster desperately needed as he constantly felt out of place everywhere else.

Ravage, who had known both of them since she came from another Casette-Carrier that mentored them, still calls them "greedy, little slaggers" as both of them had been highly dependent on each other since youth. Usually, paired hosts lessen their reliance somewhere after adulthood as their sparks stabilize with final development and the support of cassettes. However, due to Soundwave’s troubles with his powers, they're both used to a deeper level of intimacy that freaks out more people. Blaster has long carved a place in his mind for Soundwave to easily slide into: a living, breathing home that held true ever since they found each other.

[invisibleraven]

"You're as stupid as you look if you think I don't feel the same!" screams SweetTarts to me

All her life, Carrie had to play a role-with her father in the public eye she always had to be the dutiful daughter, done up perfectly, with a smile on her face. It got kind of tiring really.

That's why she relished the nights she got to spend with the Molinas-there she could be herself. Bitching with Flynn and Julie over the paps stalking her, the creeps online counting down the days until she was legal, the expectations that she would follow in her dad's footsteps and become a star.

Honestly Carrie loved to sing and dance, but after growing up in the public eye she wanted nothing to do with it-plus she knew she would never escape accusations of nepotism. So instead she looked into becoming a environmental lawyer, to help the planet.

"Knew I should never have shown you Legally Blonde," her dad joked.

But Julie and her family were more supportive, Ray even getting her books to study, Rose providing her all the baked goods and mom hugs she could ever want. Julie, Flynn, and Carlos all helping quiz her so she could apply to the top law schools.

The only member of the Molina clan who didn't help was Julie's foster brother, Reggie.

"I'm way too stupid to know how to help you study all those Latin terms," he said with a chuckle. "But I will totes watch Legally Blonde with you, even the musical if you want. Your dad doesn't know what he'd talking about-Elle Woods kicks ass."

Carrie appreciated that more than he knew honestly. Because sometimes she really did need the break from all the terms, case studies, and books. And as both Julie and Flynn got partners, Carrie felt alone more often than not, so Reggie's company through the movies was more than welcome.

"We could do Erin Brockovich next," he offered. "I think she might be up your ally, since she helped people and the environment. Plus you can't go wrong with Julia Roberts."

"We could always watch Pretty Woman instead," Carrie replied. "They don't always need to be lawyer films."

"I'm more of a Notting Hill kinda guy myself," he admitted. "Or we could even do some Meg Ryan movies if you wanna dive straight into the rom-coms."

So that became their new tradition-Carrie would leave her big empty mansion to hang out on one of the multitude of Molina couches and watch movies with Reggie after doing some studying.

"Are you dating my brother?" Julie asked her once.

"No!" Carrie exclaimed. "No. We're just friends."

"Do you want to be?" she teased. "Because I'd be cool with it you did. I love you Carrie, and Reggie. You would be super cute together."

Carrie shrugged. "I mean, he's cute, and sweet...I wouldn't say no. But he...he doesn't see me that way."

"What makes you think that?"

"I think he would have made a move by now I would assume," Carrie replied. "Maybe he thinks I'm too serious."

"No, I don't."

The girls turned to see Reggie there in the doorway, and Julie smiled before taking off, not catching Carrie's protests. "You heard then?" she asked Reggie as he sat next to her.

"Yeah. Carrie I...I really like you. You're amazing!"

"Then why have you never said anything?"

He scoffed then. "Carrie I am nowhere near smart enough for you. You're on track for getting into Harvard's law program and I'm scraping by with C's and D's. You deserve some brainiac, not an idiot."

"You're right," Carrie stated. "You are an idiot."

"Oh," he said, starting to get up, but then she caught his hand.

"You're as stupid as you look if you think I don't feel the same!"

"What?"

"Reggie I don't care about your grades," Carrie insisted. "Plus I've seen how well you do in Math, and Creative Writing, so don't play at being a dunce. And you may not be book smart, but you're kind, empathetic, always there with a movie and an open ear for me. Letting me just be as we watch movies and talk. I need that-need you so I don't go crazy!"

Reggie laughed at that. "So you wanna go out with me? Maybe see a movie while not sitting on my couch?"

"Yes you dunderhead!" Carrie exclaimed, pulling him in for a kiss. One that was filled with warmth and fun-just like the guy kissing her.

"So what do you wanna go see?" Reggie asked her later.

"Well The Alamo has a special sing a long version of the Legally Blonde musical playing..."

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Hi Lofty!

Fellow Healthcare worker here, I think I remember you saying you work nights? I'm a dayshifter that will be transitioning to overnights in a month, and am both excited and scared since this will be something new not just for me but for my whole department.

I was curious, did you specifically choose nights, and how do you like it compared to days? I would think nights would be quieter, but I also know to expect the unexpected, and things can go from dead to hectic in an instant.

Also, do you have any advice for going to an overnight schedule? I'm sure my sleep and eating habits will be messed up for the first few weeks until I get into a routine, are there any other challenges you think I should expect?

Sorry to talk work, I know you probably come here to get away from that, but I don't really have anyone else to talk to and felt you are a safe person to talk to.

Anyway, have a good day/night/whenever you happen to be awake! (I am well aware our schedules can be very wacky)

Hello! :D

I did in fact specifically choose nights. On my unit you have the option to do just nights or to rotate, and you can request to go on a waiting list to work only day shift. I prefer nights, but it’s a mixed bag to be perfectly honest. (This got long so I’m putting everything under the cut)

What I like about nights is that there are fewer people (there aren’t eight thousand teams rounding through the room who never introduce themselves to me and come and go without telling me a darn thing, or they ask me a million questions), visitor restrictions apply (I love family coming to see the patient… just don’t love having to entertain them or be interrogated by them while I’m trying to do stuff lol), the coworkers are much chiller it’s a very different vibe between day workers and night workers, and no management.

What I don’t like about nights is essentially not work related - it freaking kills your life outside of work. Let’s say you work three nights in a row. When you get off it’s the morning of the next day, and you can either make yourself stay up and be a zombie but awake to enjoy that day off, or you sleep the entire day, which wastes a day off, and then you’re still nocturnal for your remaining time off, which makes doing normal people things difficult. It can strain your mental health, especially with lack of sunlight, so you just have to find a way to handle it that works best for you.

I will say, there is one more thing that I don’t like about nights: many providers feel like nights are just “status quo time,” in other words, don’t do any interventions to rock the boat. I’ve fought and argued with doctors multiple times for patients who are showing warning signs of decompensating only to be ignored because they don’t want to do anything drastic on night shift. Had it happen pretty recently and just about wanted to punch an intensivist (I had told the resident that we needed to temporize the patient’s K because it was 5.5, and given his AKI and low UO we should consider options like diuresing or even CRRT and since the resident was brand new she listened, but the intensivist later was like “eh you didn’t need to do that” and wouldn’t do anything about the pt’s nonexistent urine output and ATJEIWOAJFDKSALJFEIWO I do not like that man)

Advice for going to night shift! I’ll make it bullet points so I stop having these giant paragraphs:

When possible, try to cluster shifts together. That way you’re not constantly jumping back and forth with your sleep cycle

The day before you work, there are multiple ways to make yourself nocturnal in preparation. I usually push myself to stay up as late as possible, and go to bed between 4-7am. Others will take a nap in the afternoon before their shift.

Black out curtains are your beloved. They make sleeping during the day so much easier. If you can’t afford those at the moment, an eye mask is a cheaper and effective alternative.

Many of us need some kind of noise to help settle our minds after work since many go to bed directly after work. A fan, a white noise machine, anything like that. I personally like ambience videos off YouTube, rain and thunderstorms or crickets and stuff.

If you’re trying to fall asleep after a shift and it just ain’t happening, there are a few things you can try. If benadryl makes you sleepy, you can try using that, though I don’t necessarily recommend making it a habit so much as a backup plan. Some people say magnesium makes them sleepy. I’ve used alcohol before to help me sleep but it doesn’t promise the best sleep. Another option is carbs! I’ll eat just a couple slices of bread or something and then you get a nice little food coma feeling.

Try not to kill yourself with your caffeine intake lol. And note when to stop caffeinating so you can fall asleep! I usually have to stop by 4am or I won’t be able to sleep right after work. (Though lately I’ve given up on falling asleep right after work, it usually takes my mind a couple hours to settle down so I fall asleep closer to 10/11am or so)

Note that working nights is probably gonna take a toll on your mental and physical health. Take vitamin D supplements to compensate for the lack of daylight, it’ll help boost your mood too. A lot of us have light lamp therapy stuff too, especially for winter. Try to find a good balance of letting yourself rest at home to wind down and being with some kind of support system.

Have fun! Night shift crew is almost always awesome, we’re wacky and fun and laid back! :)

[turquoisedata]

My counsellor said today "you're very hard on yourself aren't you?". And I am. I have done a lot of therapy of various flavours and I can be kind to and about past me. She did the best she could with the info she had at the time. But current me? Nope. Can't give myself that grace.

I don't think it's irrelevant that I spent over a decade married to someone who wore me down. Who had me believing that everything that was wrong was my fault and if I could just do better everything in the marriage would have been fixed. Of course that's relevant. You don't go through that kind of thing without scars. And I have parental scars of a very similar shape.

But. I don't think that's the main reason.

For over a year I've been living an untenable life. Trying to balance being a carer to a kid who Just Can't and advocate for him and get him the support he needs and an education he can engage with while trying to come to terms with my own neurodivergence and deal with a pretty serious breakdown of my own, trying repeatedly to get help and support only to be cut down, time after time. Then to also have to go simultaneously through a protracted "more people than jobs" process in work. All without a partner or any support from friends or family or the NHS or social services. While having to deal cheerfully with my ex 5 days out of 7, pretending we're friends and that he wasn't horrific to me when we were together because that's safer than to say actually no and tell the truth that I'm scared to even spell out here, apparently.

And I have so many things that I HAVE to do that are crucial, support and services I have to fight for.

But I have severe exec dysfunction and severe burnout and ADHD and a job that I have to prioritise because fuck, I need to keep it because who can survive Tory Britain single and jobless and also because I enjoy it and I cannot only be a carer I have to have something else in my life and a lot of what I have to do is fucking hard and I don't know how to do it because apparently I missed out on Adulting classes right through from basic to advanced. I should apply for PIP and DLA because, fuck, the kid and I are both badly disabled by all this but I have to accept stuff I'm not ready to accept to be able to fill the forms in and they are fucking complex and I'm exhausted. I need to buy a car but it's not easy when you're AuDHD and exhausted and you have no spoons, no energy and a crippling fear of making the wrong decision. Also when you are short and your passenger is tall.

And when i tell people they say "how can I help" and truthfully? I don't know. I need love and practical support and respite care and a cleaner and a car (but getting those things is so fucking hard) and someone to cry at and someone who understands me as a person. And I'm pretty sure that when people ask how they can help what they really mean is "is there one small task I can do for you?". And no, not really.

It's like grief. I've always heard just do something. Provide food. Offer practical help. If you ask what you can do the burden is still on me, and hell, I don't think I deserve help anyway because trauma is fun like that so I'll just smile and say I'm ok. But I'm not.

No uplifting ending. Sorry. I know this will be over at some point but fuck knows when and fuck knows how I will keep going to get there, but I will, because the kid didn't ask to be born and I'm the only advocate he's got who actually understands how hard things are for him.

Can't imagine anyone will read this down to the end. Thank you if you do. Always open to offers of virtual hugs. They help.

[sexwithsophie]

Kickstarter Smarter With Sophie: Scamtastic

EDIT: I actually turned this into an article, if you want to read it here: withsophie.co/post/scamtastic

Not sure if this happened to anyone else, but I was approached midway through my failing @kickstarter campaign by someone who presented themselves as a kindly man curious to know why it wasn't doing better when it looked so great. He said he was William La Mont and that as a collaborator on a wildly successful project with Vortic Watches that brought in over $350K, he wanted to apply his skills to help me in my campaign.

His profile appeared to match the collaborator from the actual page, because he has the same profile photo and zero backed projects, just like the William from the campaign.

Plus, it was all searchable from Kickstarter.com, so I knew it wasn't a fake or cloned page. Interested, but broke, I told him I had no money. He said, "Did I ask you for any money?" and acted like he wanted to take me on sort of as a pet project. His apparent previous success was tantalizing!

But things just seemed too good to be true, so I dug a bit. I asked him if he wouldn't mind me reaching out to the project lead, Robert Custer, and he said that he would be happy for me to do so. He even gave me Robert's email address! Only problem? It was a gmail address. So, I found the company website and emailed them directly, as well as emailing the gmail one. WIthin minutes, I received a glowing recommendation for William from the gmail account! A little toooo glowing. It looked like something hot off the ChatGPT presses.

That wasn't a smoking gun in and of itself, though, because Robert wrote as if English wasn't his first language, so of course their writing styles would be different. Still, I decided to find and add both William and Robert on LinkedIn. I figured that if it were really them, they could confirm. If not, I could make them aware of what was going on in their names. This all happened several weeks ago, and Robert just confirmed me as a friend yesterday. I wrote him a message about all this, but still haven't heard back.

I solidly figured out it was a scam though, because even though William's account is private, he wrote to me, so I can see the date he joined KS: March 2024. But look at the date the project he supposedly helped on was closed:

So what kind of help were you providing them five months into the past, sir? As desperate as I was about the poor performance of my campaign, and this being my first Kickstarter, I may have fallen for this guy's shenanigans had I not been a little savvy. I genuinely shudder to think about this dude preying on someone who doesn't happen to certified in the Management of Information Technology.

And how diabolical was this??? This guy either created a fake account and used William's name and image, or he convinced Robert to add him as a collaborator after-the-fact somehow. Can you even do that? And what would he have done? He was going on about doing TikTok and LinkedIn ads, so perhaps he would have asked me to entrust the management of them to him? Or tried to convince me to add him as a collaborator on my campaign, as well?

I don't know, but what I do know is that you need to SAY NO to any and everything that comes to you via Kickstarter's messenger. And report every single last one of those bastards.

____________________________________________________________

If you'd like to learn more tales about what I did wrong so that you don't make my same mistakes, if you'd like to be notified when I give crowdfunding another go, or if you want to learn more about my Adult Lifestyle Programs, CLICK HERE to join my mailing list!

[much-ado-about-whumping]

Commission opportunity for QTPOC nsfwhump writers

Are you a queer/trans writer of color who's open to taking commission? Are you over 18 and an erotica writer? Would you consider yourself trauma-informed? I'm trying to match-make a writer with a commission client, and I might have a lead for you! (Even if you've never written a commissioned work before, if this interests you, please read on.)

This is a slightly unusual post for my whump blog, but I sometimes write paid BDSM erotica commissions on the side, and I have an opportunity to share! A reader recently contacted me asking if I knew any queer, trans writers of color (QTPOC) who could write a trauma-informed commission for them. The client is QTPOC themself and wants a writer who shares those identities. I'm white, so I said I'd ask around my networks!

Here are the parameters they gave me:

I'm interested in a one-time commission involving a cis fem + nby pairing involving a dubcon dom/sub SM dynamic, cold/shivering kink, ~2k words

While this client didn't ask for nsfwhump by name, I can tell you that that's what I would call the things I write as commissions, with some variation based on clients' requests. What I think this client is responding to in my work that made them reach out to me is the way that I can see sexual trauma as simultaneously titillating in fantasy and also really grounded in emotional and physical ramifications for the survivor. I think most people who write nsfwhump can do that, which is why I framed this post this way.

We connected via r/eroticasells on reddit, where the price floor is $0.05/word, so I would say there's a baseline expectation that this commission would net you at least $100*, but of course you and the client could negotiate that yourselves.

(*Note: I currently have COVID and am a little brain-fogged and trying to do the math mentally without navigating away from the tumblr app, so if I got that wrong, please forgive me. 😅)

I haven't thoroughly vetted this client, but they've been kind and respectful in their conversations with me, and I get a good vibe. Likewise, they know I'm circulating this to people I don't necessarily know well personally - I'm just trying to help connect folks to the opportunity. <3 I know we have lots of talented QTPOC writers in this community, but I'm such a lurker lately that I'm having trouble thinking of specific individuals who I know write nsfwhump off-hand. If that's you, please please reply or DM me so I can connect you!

A final note - if you've never taken a commission before, but this idea sounds up your alley, I'd be super happy to share what I know with you about how to do it and stay safe. I'm far from an expert, but I've been doing this as a side-hustle for about four months and gave learned a few helpful tips, both from other writers and through trial and error. Let me know if you're into the idea but need help getting started!

Happy writing, my dears. Hope to hear from some of you soon!

P.S. - Please consider signal-boosting this even if it doesn't apply to you, provided you're a blog that's comfortable talking about nsfwhump. I know there's a select group of us, and I appreciate help getting eyes on this post! <3