#of everything else in the book in a way
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thinking about how tgcf embodies so many themes: staying kind when the world is against you. never changing who you are despite everything pushing you back. passion, determination, hope. but at its core? love.
xie lian’s love for the world, even after everything that happened to him. he still cares for it. loves it. he passes it on to people he meets - returning a kindness that was almost fleeting, once. but it came around in the end.
xie lian’s love for hua cheng, that we get to see him fall in with him. that everything is so easy, and xie lian is in love with him and he doesn’t even realize that’s what he feels until that core moment where he finally, knows what those feelings he have means - and it’s a gentle and soft acceptance, and once xie lian shows through so many actions, words, everything, how much he loves him.
hua cheng’s love for xie lian: the driving force for hua every action, his every move, how he understands and knows xie lian, reminding him who he is even when xie lian doesn’t - never leaving. never giving up. after so many years, continuing to fight, to look for, to never waver - and to finally find him, again, and be able to be with him? hua cheng’s love is his driving force, and he embodies that love for xie lian in everything he does.
so much of tgcf, and hualian, is driven by love. and i think it’s so beautiful
#hualian’s love is equal and boundless and beautiful#and it’s a representation i think#of everything else in the book in a way#that all leads back#to love being such a central theme#and even characters where that love romantic platonic familial#effects others around them because they won’t give up#or even love for their country#for another person#there’s many examples of love and how it embodies in different ways in tgcf#but it all leads back#to hua cheng and xie lian and their love story#tgcf#my ramblings#hualian
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Everything about The book of Bill and Journal 3 and Stanford Pines' backstory fascinate me, because WDYM the lore and backstory for this children's show where two siblings have Scooby-Doo style mystery adventures all summer and there are multiple gags about the town making it legal to marry animals, is a Sci-fi psychological magnus archives/return to night vale style horror about one isolated barely restrained mad scientist with good intentions and a list of baggage a mile long who gets into metaphorical (and maybe literal(!!!!!)) bed with what is basically an eldritch horror-beyond-human-comprehension being, literally worships and devotes himself to that horror as his god at times, and sorta even loves him, until he realizes that the god he made his house and body into an an altar for is not a benevolent one, and he tries to severe ties with him.
But it's too late, the god is equally as obssessed with him, he made a home of his mind, and he's not letting him go, and even though the horror might even love him back, and in a twist it might even be the one of the most horrifying cases of the "one fell first, one fell harder" trope, it is still cruel and not above unleashing torment on his former devotee to get what he wants.
And then looking back on the scientist life, you also see that he's been haunted by symbols of what would become his god and betrayer literally since birth.
AND WDYM THE WHOLE THING IS (rightly, because it's a children's show and they are not the main characters) BARELY HINTED IN THE SHOW
I AM BITING THE DRYWALL
someone give me a horror podcast about Ford's time with Bill and later his life dimension hopping is what I'm saying
#billford#bill cipher#the book of bill#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#THE IMPLICATIONS OF EVERYTHING ABOUT FORD AND FORD AND BILL ARE INSANE#WDYM THIS GUY MADE MULTIPLE SHRINES TO BILL#WDYM THIS GUY HAS BEEN HAUNTED BY TRIANGLE IMAGERY LITERALLY SINCE HE WAS BORN#WDYM THE HORROR LOVES HIM BACK?!?!?#WDYM THE HORROR IS SIMULTANEOUSLY A PATHETIC DRAMA QUEEN WITH AN OBSESSION ON THE SCIENTIST#AND ALSO THE CHILIEST REPRESENTATION OF A PERSON HAVING COMPLETE CONTROL OVER SOMEONE ELSE AND ABUSING THAT POWER IN TERRYFYING WAYS
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echo
#its the way baul called sebek a human with such disdain and sebek looked so HURT. and thats exactly what he does#it's the way this is his chance to face the music. to realize what he has accidentally carried forward in attitude towards everyone else#it's SEBEK TIME BABEYYYYYYYY it's SEBEKKY NATION!!!! the relationship and similarities between sebek and baul are SO interesting AGHHHH#cannot possibly overstate how floored and overjoyed i was that bauls design was getting put in canon. not even in an event#in the MAIN STORY. as an IMPORTANT CHAR im WHEEZING#sebek's internalized everything is so important to his char. yes we KNOW hes annoying and mean. its bc he hasnt gotten his ARC YET this is#GGRGGAHGAHHAHAHAH#twst#twisted wonderland#twst spoilers#book 7 spoilers#sebek zigvolt#baul zigvolt#oh Also shoutout to all the old man yaoi coming from this update. i appreciate it so much#lilibaul nation#suntails
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--
But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.
And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.
That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.
Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.
And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"
So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.
Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#the case of the very long stairway#im sorry this really IS the short version of my thoughts i swear#i didnt want to get long and rambley backing everything up and mentioning everything else this forces me to reconsider#i just feel like i've barely interacted w this fandom and still seen quite a few odd duck takes on this moment imo#i dont think he wouldntve got the nerve to say it otherwise#(he was already going to! & if anything his new experiences in hell only cement that being the right choice)#and as much as i get what fear can do to a person i still definitely dont think he was resigned to staying in hell if charles reacted badly#i truly think he just couldnt keep it to himself any longer#the show is upfront about his escaping hell being a testament to his own strength rather than a lucky break of some sort#so i think even being on the receiving end of a rescue mission getting out still must take a lot of strength in this universe#and telling charles that definitely made him stronger/in less pain#so yeah totally necessary it happened where and when it did in my book#also i hope it doesnt sound like im being dismissive of anything charles says in this scene#but the way i see it those were all things they both already knew#so reaffirming them just adds to the idea that the act of Telling Each Other Things is what's so important here#rather than counting as a truly separate thing this conversation achieves#just my two cents
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Ever After High, but make it a PIDW AU.
Imagine how fucked up it would be if Shen Jiu is up there doing the book signing ceremony that seals his destiny of becoming the next 'Shen Qingqiu', and the mirrors display him getting thrown away by his martial siblings at the trial, and his limbs being torn off and other despicable tortures, and being brought down so low that your humanity is stripped away from you, all for an audience to see. And they cheer. The crowd is ecstatic, perhaps even more so than when his father, Shen Qingqiu, was put on trial.
#and sj is barely 15 when this happens#and every goddamn person is reveling in watching this child get tortured#and he's done ntg to warrent this yet bc he HASNT signed the stupid destiny book and he DOESNT want to be the scum villian#dont ask me how the logic of this au works#i dont fucking know#its just that some of the eah characters DO have fucked up stories#and the grimm brother stories were dark as hell#so im like what if pidw???? what if shen jiu??? shen jiu and pain???? yes.#shen jiu#svsss#mxtx svsss#original shen qingqiu#og shen qingqiu#scumbag self saving system#svsss crossover#scum villain#ever after high au#the scum villain's self saving system#scum villain self saving system#and the only person that's NOT advocating for his death is lbg's SON!! the very person that's supposed to kill him!#he (lbm) also happens to be smn who rllyyyy hates his dad and is not signing no book of destiny either#when he sees the same hopelessness that he feels in sj's eyes#he decides at that moment that he's going to be sj's no. 1 defender everything else be damned#so when sj announces that he's not signing#lbm gets up on the stage and makes it clear that he won't either#and they kith#bingjiu#pidw#proud immortal demon way
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part Three
For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how that’s affected by the present!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative
When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, I’ve talked about how what’s shown and omitted tells us about a character, and we’ve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, it’s not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.
This? Linking structure to a character’s in-universe preferences?
This is where we get unhinged.
Before I start, let’s quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isn’t strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesn’t like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesn’t lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one character’s preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events – which is what makes Wei Wuxian’s influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and that’s not an insult, quite the opposite!).
To begin: we’ve established that times such as Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege aren’t shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But that’s not the only special thing about them. They’re also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either can’t remember, or doesn’t like to dwell on.
This is why discussing Wei Wuxian’s treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesn’t focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, it’s respecting not only a character detail – which would be cool by itself – but also an active decision. One that shapes the story it’s made in.
In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxian’s agency!
Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldn’t like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, they’re only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!
Wei WuXian hadn’t woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didn’t let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, “… Don’t… Don’t be angry…” Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, “I am not angry.” Wei WuXian, “… Oh.” Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!” Chapter 63, EXR translation
Which, of course, is him dwelling on…
Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Go back to Gusu with me.” Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, “Go back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?” He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.” Chapter 62, EXR translation
…the painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:
He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, “This leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (…)” (…) “Wei WuXian, I won’t ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely won’t remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!” (…) “In the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!” “My shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!” Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation
And Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts and words:
Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants and him. (…) Wei WuXian, “Now it’s time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. It’s like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said they’d kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?” Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translation
Once again, Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts relate to the flashbacks we’ve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, they’re also events which Wei Wuxian’s own choices and actions shaped – which he has this to say about:
“The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!” Chapter 82, EXR
Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by others’ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer… which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat we’ll soon discuss). But it’s still important to note – especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldn’t seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.
Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when they’re relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:
At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasn’t good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR
Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place – returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more – it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)… but there’s another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxian’s present thoughts don’t lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events aren’t something Wei Wuxian wouldn’t focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, they’re free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if he’s not dwelling on them in the present moment!
So, to summarise: Wei Wuxian’s decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, it’s in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still aren’t shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.
This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but I’d like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said I’d talk about the Golden Core transfer – though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything we’re shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxian’s agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a character’s dialogue!
And to clarify – I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didn’t want to write about Wei Wuxian’s time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxian’s death). That doesn’t prevent it from also being intentional – MXTX’s intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and there’s nothing disproving it – but there’s no proof for either option, so I won’t pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like I’m overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.
But, whether it’s intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it – so, regardless, it’s something I’ll explore. Because taking this into account… We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we aren’t just shown it in the text, we aren’t even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story they’re in, but Wei Wuxian’s agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! That’s how we’re shown its importance! How cool is that?
At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts
In this essay, we’ve covered how important Wei Wuxian’s agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isn’t important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. We’ve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him – out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxian’s life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or others’ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, we’ve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way – it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.
It’s quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative – that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil – and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own – that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) – to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.
(Or, if an image would be preferable:)
Thank you for reading!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
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*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think it’s such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)!
#get ready for tag thoughts because there are a LOT of them#it’s for THIS reason that fanon wwx bothers me so much (didn’t want to get negative on the acual post)#bc so often all the changes are changes that woobify him!#self-sacrificial idiot wwx?? only doing things because… poor him he has so many internal issues and values himself so little-#-so of course he’d sacrifice everything before thinking of another option? woobifying#(whenever he sacrifices something it’s a deliberate choice to act on his morals because he values his morals so much – and he’s also very-#-capable and DOES often find ways for no people to get hurt!)#wasn’t aware that what happened to him at lotus pier was wrong and needs lwj to tell him that for him to have any idea if it?#woobifying (as we see in the lotus seed pod extra he KNOWS it’s unfair)#(he downplays it retroactively in his memory (links into not focusing on the bad things in his life))#(but that’s the actions themselves that are being downplayed not their fairness!)#he chooses to act! he is defined by acting! not tragedy – all the more impressive in the face of the amount of tragedy that’s happened#he could SO EASILY have been a woobie but instead he’s the opposite of one: defined BY his agency instead of the absence of it#that doesn’t mean he’s not impacted by tragedy or trauma – he is! but it’s not the most important aspect of his character (bc he doesn’t le#it’s also something that bothers me about the changes cql made#by making qq path and nightless city the fault of someone else it means he IS someone who’s more a victim of circumstance than anything els#he had no control over the tragedies of his first life at all#apart from ig his death being controlled by him? because he just leaps off the cliff during the nightless city siege?? but in THAT case it’#i watched that part recently (i’m getting through it very slowly) and yeah it reaffirmed my love for this aspect of the book even more#despite. having these exact thoughts for two years already#he also dwells on the past events a lot more than book wwx which adds to that version of him BEING defined more by tragedy rather than who#anyway over 7.3k words total (and 400 more in the tags apparently)... it'll be posted to ao3 in its completion this evening!#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#魔道祖师#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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do you ever think about how in the same book we learn about bill's very implied medical trauma and his relationship around being seen as insane. we also learn he's been forcibly put in a therapy dimension.
because i've been thinking about it so much
#gravity falls#bill cipher#the book of bill#like. no wonder he's responding poorly to it?#and this is on top of everything else there is to unpack which is. a lot#like. he's already averse to the level of vulnerability required but also likely the very core concept due to his past experiences#and how much the way he copes with everything is by lying to himself which means it's hard to even get started#anyway#i'm normal#triangular stringboard
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have you ever read anything by poppy z brite (billy martin)? he's a trans author who was writing weird gay books since the early 90s. based on other books you've talked about here, his work seems up your alley ! 🖤
somehow have yet to, despite knowing about him. definitely will get there eventually - there is no end to the books i want to read. but i am actually quite a slow reader these days, especially during periods of writing, which are growing in frequency. appreciate the rec regardless <3
#been trying to cram in a bunch of books while im briefly between projects#but somehow ended up totally enamored with an ultra long fantasy omegaverse webnovel instead of everything else i wanted to read#and thats just the way it goes sometimes... thats just the way it goes...#ask wilt
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#not to make such a basic post#but good god... I love teasing people...#being tickled is great and all but hhhhh...#god I love being a ler#I am a shy ler and a gentle ler... and one who is easily flustered by a lee's reactions to being tickled... but lord have mercy...#if you let me tickle you... and especially if you lean into it or submit to me...#I will give you all the tickling you can stand#I will tease you with every taunt I know... I will call you cute... I will tell you what a great lee you are#I will say your spots out loud and let you dread/eagerly await being tickled there...#I will use every trick in the book to fluster and make you laugh...#Yes I am shy#Yes I will be flustered by you#But I am service oriented to my core and I will do everything I can to make sure you enjoy yourself as much as possible#I just love making people feel good and comfortable and happy#Like... what an honor to GET to do that for someone...#Yes I like being tickled... but giving that to someone else... nothing compares#That someone would even be willing to be that vulnerable... to let me make them laugh in such an uncontrollable way... or even if#they aren't a lee who laughs or who isn't particularly ticklish... whatever reactions they have#even if it's just grinning and enjoyment... even if it's just twitching... even if it sounds like whimpers or squeaks#I love all of it#ugh#I love all of it you guys#brainrot
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this may not be how everyone else feels (which i respect), but i personally feel like since louis "killed" lestat, lestat saved his life, then lestat spent over 70 years sulking pathetically in his self-imposed timeout, if louis wants to call it even atp who am i to judge? how would i handle that? i don't know. but if that's where louis is at then i say let him be there. but maybe that's the loustat shipper in me lol. i'll admit i have a preexisting bias from the books and the movie.
#i just want them to be happy man#be it together or separately#but preferably together lol#if i'm honest#i do think louis should have some louis time though#get to know who he is on his own#he can do that while lestat plots his rockstar schemes lol#and explains the events of tvl and shit#i'd just like for things to work out w them despite the changes from the book#in a way that i can stomach after the whole dropping from the sky thing#that was.... A Lot#literally my main beef with the series. everything else? fantastic#lestat... be on your best behavior#at least wrt louis#original#loustat#loustat reunion#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#iwtv#amc interview with the vampire#amc iwtv#interview with the vampire#the vampire chronicles#doctor who
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yeah i’m thinking about parallels in my own book. yeah it’s gonna be all day sorry.
#the pallas and agnes judge/calliope and fiver and mercedes parallels in my minds eye#are truly truly TRULY something#me when something i did on purpose in the story happens in the story:#this post brought to you by pallas getting WAY TOO overinvested in judge and calliope’s relationship in the book two outline#(<- they are projecting sososo hard)#pallas micromanaging someone else’s codependent mess to cope with Everything That Happens in the lmd finale they’re literally so funny#ALSO brought to you by agnes latching onto fiver and mercedes as a unit for much the same reasons#they’re both coping normally with being separated :)) they’re both fine :)))))))#messy codependent romance vs messy codependent sibling relationship vs pallas and agnes (pallas and agnes)#wip: ghost story
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So I have consumed that whole SH2 remake James' mental illness and SA theory document and I gotta say.... It fits. I can really see it. My eyes are open. I wouldn't put it past a game like that to make suggestions in that direction.
Also printing the Silent Hill 2 novel off to read as we speak. I'm normal about that guy and his trauma I swear
#I feel like silent hill in general reflects all of a person's trauma and mistakes. So of course it would personify everything in James head#And it really makes sense the letters in the hospital would relate to him and his memories rather than be aimless world building#And I did always wonder. Cuz Eddie is a reflection on James murder. So Angela??#I can see that her story confronts James inner darker desires. Maybe intrusive thoughts. But now that I view it THAT way...#It makes sense she would be reflecting soemthing else. A similar suffering#And apparently the book touches on their similarities too. And it's official so#Anyway head full. Poor fucking guy. But also he's still a murdering selfish prick so. Yknow.#Just needed to vent my thoughts about it. Hyperfixation going through the motions rn#Nothing to do with the fact I also have complex and repressed trauma surrounding sex and SA.... Examining that guy so I don't examine mysel#Anyway I need to draw more silent hill
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mikey is all ive been able to draw the past fortnight
#i have a tbp mikey too but im not happy with it#and a billion doodles on stickynotes in my school books#when i say “all ive been able to draw” i mean “everything else looks shittier than when i draw mikey”#mcr#mikey way#el draws#my chemical mikey#my chemical romance#mcr fanart#fanart#mikey way fanart
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Hello you seem to be the medici guy. May I ask for recommendations, books, ect, on how to get more into learning about them without it feeling utterly overwhelming? There’s so much and I have no idea where to start
you might have me confused with someone else, I'm a Sforza Family Enthusiast and Medici Hater
uhhhhhhh that said, I'd recommend picking one of the Big Two (Cosimo, Lorenzo), narrow it down by whatever subject interests you most (arts, banking, politics) and go forwards or backwards from there, probably
additionally, Mary Hollingsworth's The Medici as a general overview to the whole family, and The Medici Women (N. Tomas)
#I first started learning about the Medici family in a class I took in highschool on Dante#and then jumped forward to Machiavelli and everything else along the way has been against my will lmao#I finally finished a biography on Lorenzo I started ages ago for information on Galeazzo Sforza#anyway for Lorenzo: Magnifico (Unger) and for Cosimo I'm currently reading Kent's book on him#ask tag
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it's cool that you think l'amica geniale isn't actually about friendship. you can go fuck yourself
#jo in the tardis*#it's about this friendship between these two girls existing as a monument in the ruins of time#them melting into each other is a revolt against every violation of the body in their stories#because it's a violation of somebody's headspace with another's#when i say their stories i don't mean just their personal stories i mean every person that was responsible for their existence#everything is cyclic and everything is dissolving and the only thing you can do to rebel against it#is to be somebody's friend.#lenù wonders if she's important in the grand scheme of things throughout the whole book#but the culmination of it happens at the very end where her daughters disregard her work#and it's significant that it comes from her daughters. it means she hasn't done anything#she's her mother. with all her education she is her own mother to them.#only for lila to send those dolls... it's like... you and me exist as this fixed point in time.#this is how we're different. it's the whole plebs idea constantly being revisited.#the only way out is through a friend. it's not breaking the cycle. cities will burn and be built again#and change is unoriginal. you can only win if you build a city in someone else#l'amica geniale#platonic romance: you've read my book#this is the point because i said so.#2 in 1: little dot with the flames round it
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