#they’re both coping normally with being separated :)) they’re both fine :)))))))

[cream-and-tea]

yeah i’m thinking about parallels in my own book. yeah it’s gonna be all day sorry.

[naavispider]

I love Spider in modern AU as Street Kid, it fits his character so well. Do you have any more headcanons about what his life would be like in this AU type? <3

For this specific cop au I have rattling around my brain right now, here are the headcanons:

Spider is fifteen or sixteen when he’s first apprehended by law enforcement. He’s been hanging around with a few of the other guys from the kids home and drinking on street corners when someone calls the cops on them for underage drinking.

He wouldn’t normally drink but it’s the people he hangs out with that sway him. He’s good friends with some of the guys because they’ve all gone through the same shit together.

He’s been in a few foster homes but they’re always short term/emergency placements so for all the good they do they’re pretty much pointless

Paz was a single mum after spider was born because Quaritch was afraid of commitment. He offered to pay child support but Paz would rather be independent and kind of releases W of his responsibilities. She died when spider was maybe six or seven, and spider never had contact with his dad. When she died, Q was serving in the marines abroad, and Paz didn’t put him on the birth certificate anyway so he was never contacted.

Spider has always wondered about his dad but he doesn’t know the first thing about him.

It’s tough growing up without parents, but it’s even tougher when you had a secure, loving relationship that was wrenched away from you, so Spider has had to find his own ways of coping.

When he was younger, that meant shutting himself in his room and drawing his feelings away. As he grew older, that meant hanging out with like minded people and repressing his hurt and anger into more concerning outlets. (Drinking, vaping, weed and then more hardcore drugs).

He has several run ins with the cops, not all of them Quaritch. Some are worse than others and after a couple of bad experiences he’s obviously pretty distrustful of the police and sassy when he should really be respectful. This has on occasion led him to harsher punishments than his crime warranted.

He still has his mum’s necklace that he wears 24/7. It’s his most prized possession.

At the time of meeting Q, he’s on the run from the kids home. I think this is because he’s sick of having his things stolen and just wants a bit more freedom. He’s not a bad kid and is perfectly respectful to the staff and other kids but there’s a couple of older teenagers that live there who make threats and generally make his life hell.

His walls are up and he doesn’t trust anyone. Partly because of knowing his father couldn’t care less about him

Quaritch

Was a marine in his younger years, working his way up the ranks and serving many tours abroad

Met Paz in his early twenties, then spider was conceived and Q was simply not ready for the responsibilities of settling down and being a father - his life was only just beginning and his career was calling.

He parted from Paz in a bittersweet way - there wasn’t any animosity and the two still harboured affection for each other, but it was clear they needed to go their separate ways and Paz was fine with that

In his thirties he sustained an injury on tour that prevented him from serving again, so he changed to the police force and managed to become a lieutenant colonel

He’s been recognised on a state level and rewarded for his service to the city, receiving several awards and earning a high level of respect from colleagues both above and below him. He has hopes to become chief of police when the time is right

He enjoys the work but when he’s out on patrol he often hopes for the more high stakes cases that involve danger instead of just picking up petty crime or responding to domestics.

That’s not to say he doesn’t have a caring side - it just rarely comes out.

He’s a workaholic and hasn’t found a life partner yet, despite enjoying himself when he was younger. Now, he just likes to take on as many shifts as possible and focus on keeping the streets safe. As a result he earns a lot and lives comfortably

He doesn’t know that Paz is dead, and sometimes he will remember and think about how Paz and his son are doing, but he doesn’t feel the need to disrupt that or try to contact his son.

[stainedglassthreads]

I think how Noelle and Kris react to the Snowgrave route directly parallels how Chara and Frisk react to the No Mercy route. 

Elaborations below cut. 

It’s easiest to compare Noelle and Chara in this analysis, because they are the two most easiest observed. 

As we proceed down the Snowgrave route, we see Noelle frantically trying to cope with what we, the Player, are making her do through Kris. We see her blacking out after getting the ring and completing the puzzles. We see her justifying the commands as just Kris helping her ‘grow stronger’, and how growing stronger is a good thing, right? Her friend is helping her. She should be grateful. And eventually it reaches the point where she meets someone else she knows, her own classmate, and at first can’t see him as anything but an enemy. And even if Berdly’s really annoying, she tries her hardest to resist using Snowgrave-- but she can’t hold out against our commands forever. 

We don’t see Chara’s corruption so clearly. Only rarely in the game do they slip up and describe their true feelings or actions. But we sure fucking see the end result of the path Noelle was going down, when Chara finally confronts us in No Mercy. 

Chara straight up tells us the reason they were killing. Not out of hatred for monsters, or bloodlust, or a desire for revenge, or a desire to end the world. 

Because you, the Player, told them through your actions and commands that the meaning of life is to grow more powerful, no matter the cost, no matter what you must sacrifice. To the point where they say they ARE the feeling of whenever a number goes up. You took this child who loved monsters so much they painfully died so monsters could be free, and made them incapable of seeing their family as anything more or less than ‘the enemy to be defeated.’ 

And of course... Chara calls themself the demon who comes when you call its name. 

Who is the only one of Kris’ friends who comes when you whisper their name? 

Frisk and Kris are harder characters to track. Frisk isn’t very present even in the True Pacifist Run. All we truly know about them is they’re determined(or maybe it’s our own determination), they’re nosy(or maybe it’s our own curiosity), they’re not a murderer, they’re a child who uses they/them pronouns, and their name is Frisk. 

It’s much easier to get a grasp on Kris’ character. Frisk is a newcomer to the Underground, and no one knows what actions are normal or strange for them, but in sharp contrast, Kris grew up in Hometown and many people comment on Kris’ actions in the game being strange for them. They’re usually far more asocial, and in Chapter 2 we get a lot more of their personality and opinions as characters respond to how Kris says or does something. For example, it’s remarked how enthusiastically Kris tells the Queen they want to perish, how unwillingly Kris says they want to join Berdly, and how after the Spamton NEO fight, they either say ‘no, I’m fine’ very strained, or shout that yes, they’re not fine. 

On to the parallel, it’s harder to see than what happens to Noelle and Chara, but Kris and Frisk both seem to become more withdrawn and numb, completely shutting other people out as Snowgrave and No Mercy go on. Whether you believe Kris is a bad person or not, it’s been made very clear they enjoy their adventures in the Dark World and care for their friends. If you drop the Balls of Junk(implied to be their Dark World inventory), they feel bitter, and if you drop the Cards that are Lancer and Roulxs, they struggle to defy your actions and catch them again. But in Snowgrave, when Ralsei tries inviting them to imagine what’s happening between Susie and Noelle, perhaps so Kris and Ralsei can speak privately like in Chapter 1... they don’t respond. They just seem to totally ignore him, and not at least humor him like they would on a Pacifist route. Likewise, when they go to fight the new final boss, Kris must go and fight Spamton NEO totally alone, without waiting for Susie and Ralsei to come and assist them. 

Frisk, as stated previously, is a much more difficult character to observe. The Underground doesn’t know how they act normally at all, and it’s not made clear that we, Frisk, and Chara are very separate people until very late in the game. But there is one very noticeable detail that says a lot about both Frisk and Chara throughout different routes. 

“It’s you, Frisk!”/”It’s me, Chara.” 

You can get the narrator, Chara, to remark ‘It’s you, Frisk!’ only at the very end of a True Pacifist Run, but so long as you’re not on a No Mercy run, they will keep remarking that ‘It’s you!’ or ‘Despite everything, it’s still you’. Even if you’ve killed half the Underground. 

Only when you seek power above all else, does Frisk... vanish. Leaving just Chara. 

So what happened to Frisk? 

When Chara confronts you at the very end of No Mercy, there are a number of parallels to Flowey confronting you at the end of True Pacifist. In both cases, a soulless Dreemurr child talks to you about the end you’ve reached, talks about your actions and their result, and asks you not to play this route again-- or in Flowey’s case, asks you to delete his memory if you do so. Both can acknowledge that you’ve probably or definitely played this route before... but there is one interesting difference. 

Flowey refers to Frisk as a separate person, and implores you to ‘let Frisk live their own life’ 

Chara... never mentions Frisk at all. Only talking about you. Your choices. Your Determination. Your power. You are above consequences. Your Soul. Your choice to Erase. 

...So what happened to Frisk? 

By the end of Snowgrave, Kris is still there. At least a little. When calling out to Ralsei and Susie during the Spamton NEO fight, it says ‘Kris called out for help... but nobody came.’ When we use Noelle, it emphasizes ‘You whisper Noelle’s name.’ 

Kris is still there. 

For now. 

But if things had continued... would they end up the same as Frisk? 

Do monsters in the Soulless Pacifist route ever truly meet Frisk? Or has Frisk locked themself away so thoroughly after being made to watch their own body slaughter an entire race, in an attempt to shut it all out and protect themself? Chara was thoroughly corrupted by the time of the Soulless Pacifist ending, it’s clear... but is Frisk so used to just being treated as an empty vessel that they let it happen? 

‘Your choices don’t matter’ is a recurring theme in Deltarune, and it’s clear this also affects Kris... but did Frisk’s choices ever truly matter, either? 

[synth-exe]

i can't stop thinking about your "i think a lot about shirota family" me too

*spins mahiru around in my brain*

NO BUT LIKE I THINK ABOUT THEM SO MUCH!!!! (also like this does run through manga spoilers)

so like first off, tooru and mahiru have a neat relationship, though im not sure you can say tooru is a good parent figure? like mahiru idolizes him for sure and tooru definitely cares about mahiru, but their relationship feels more mentor-student than parent-child imo. especially because tooru has mahiru living alone as a 16 year old and taking care of himself. their relationship is very special to mahiru, though, and he strives to imitate his uncle all the time (we will get back to this point).

secondly, mahiru just as a character!!!! i love him???!!! when i started off the series, i didnt think i would like him as much as i did, but he’s such a good character. i love how well-written his quirks are, especially because mahiru is adultified a lot in his normal life. he lives alone and regularly takes on the duties of the people around him, making him the ‘good old reliable mahiru’ that everyone knows. and yet throughout the story, we get reminded that mahiru is still immature (the black coffee bit). the story really does a great job at displaying the tightrope that mahiru walks where he deals with the very real adult world he’s put into (especially with C3) and the trauma of other people (we’ll get to tsurugi) while coping with the lack of power that comes with being a child. i also think the story handles the consequences of mahiru’s (too) heavy responsibilities in a pretty realistic way. even earlier on with sakuya, mahiru is shown to take on responsibilities that toe the line of too much and encourages other people to reach out for help, even though he doesn’t do so himself and tries to keep sakuya (and his other friends) separate from the vampires. and when he’s worried about the rose with neugear, it takes kuro reaching out first and reminding mahiru that he has trusted people for him to open up. mahiru's admiration of his uncle also links to his tendency to take on responsibility, but him and tooru also share not talking about important things (which is actually handled really sweetly in the sushi restaurant, but does come back to bite with tooru's C3 involvement).

a lot of the C3 arc deals with trauma and coping and learning to care for others (and receive their care in return), which is obviously explored through tsurugi (and jun and yumikage). i love mahiru and tsurugi’s parallels and i think about them all the time! like tsurugi (like mahiru) was adopted by a new family member, placed in a situation as a child with complicated expectations and responsibilities, struggles to reach out for support, etc, but tsurugi’s situation is much worse and affects him much harder. and it’s through mahiru that tsurugi starts to heal and they both have to learn how to prioritize themselves! tsurugi tries to protect jun and yumikage’s feelings by smiling and keeping up the pretense that things are fine in a very similar way that mahiru tried to protect sakuya. tsurugi was also very self-destructive and self-sacrificing, and mahiru has enough of the same tendencies, as seen by how he’s okay letting kuro kill him to absorb the rose and defeat tsubaki. mahiru is a much more well-adjusted person than tsurugi is, but they’re definitely narrative parallels in a lot of ways.

also i love thinking about tsurugi and mahiru’s relationship because like... i dont think tsurugi nor mahiru really know how siblings are supposed to work. they both had (2) person families: them and a parent figure.

and lastly, touma. ooooohhhh boy.

so tbh i dont think we’ve seen the last of touma nor the resolution of his relationship with tsurugi or mahiru. just because i feel like it’s a raw wound for tsurugi and i dont feel like things have really been resolved since touma kinda just ran away. though tbh im kinda ambivalent on how i feel about touma returning because (though i know tsurugi and probably mahiru would forgive him) i, the reader, feel like he fucked up in a MAJOR way. im holding off on like a full opinion piece on touma for the time being because i dont feel like his character has reached a stable point in his character arc yet though.

the art piece i reblogged takes up so much space because the caption is branded into my brain at this point haha

its just the reality is that touma (and i would argue tooru at least a bit) are responsible for placing mahiru in a situation he shouldn’t be in as a child, and largely through their familial bonds. and mahiru shouldn’t have had to shoulder tsurugi’s trauma either, especially because this all does affect mahiru emotionally! any acknowledgement of mahiru’s narrative complexity really makes my brain light up, especially when thinking about how his family is related!

servamp is such a good exploration of familial trauma and i think about the shirota family so much. i really really really want to see tsurugi and mahiru bonding more because they need to heal and i want to see them structuring their own found families and fsdjka;fjdskanfvdskjalcjdkalfsa.

the other dysfunctional family (aliceins) definitely hasnt worked through enough for me to have a whole commentary on yet, mainly because mikuni is still being a bastard and we havent gotten inside his head yet (but i am VERY excited for when we do because mikuni has been such a fun character thus far). i really loved the misono arc though and i think about his complex feelings towards his brother all the time too.

[redrobin-detective]

Ben 10 lore that exists in my heart regardless of canon

- Ben’s personality in his mid-late teens is a mix of his Alien Force and Omniverse self. On the surface, he’s very cheerful and kind even if he is a bit of arrogant showoff. He makes jokes and plays around and acts as if he isn’t bothered by the things in his life. Those who know him best understand a good portion of his outward confidence and cockiness is just a facade to cover up his insecurities and to project the ideal, effortless hero. While sometimes seen as immature, most beings know Ben 10 means business as he takes his unofficial job and people’s safety very seriously. He’s clever, adaptable, charismatic and empathetic which makes him a formidable opponent and a loyal friend. Doesn’t open up easily but if you get to him, he become so dearly attached. 

- Drinks smoothies so much for several reasons. Comfort food go brrr, reminds him of the good easy times with him Gwen and Kev. It’s also a light but generally nutritous food to give him energy for heroing. Anything too heavy and he’ll be puking (both from physical and emotional stress). Though he jokes about his mom’s health foods, his are a crazy concoction of add in proteins and vitamins/minerals bc he knows he’ll out and out collapse without it. (Still has on occasion bc boy still doesn’t eat right/enough)

- While Fame is exciting for him at first he soon begins to detest it. Not the fans, no, he can’t bring himself to hate the people who look up to him. But he hates the constant attention, that he can’t walk outside without being mobbed. the only place he feels safe is his hometown where most people are so used to him and his weirdness that they don’t react much anymore. Takes to wearing a cape and face shield when going out anywhere so he can actually get things done without being recognized and mobbed.

- Part of the reason Bellwood isn’t concerned with Ben is partially because ben’s been weird and alien for as long as they can remember but also many don’t realize how famous/powerful he is. Yeah that’s just Ben Tennyson over there, sometimes he turns into funny creatures- wait what do you MEAN he’s the savior of the universe?? He cried over a spilled smoothie the other day.

- Does mostly online schooling by the time he’s 15. At first he tries to do half day things to maintain something of a normal life but it quickly becomes overwhelming and dangerous him/the school. Finishes his GED early but the Plumbers and Azmuth make him take additional college level and alien courses to prepare him for his future role. Ben gripes but really does love learning all these things, especially on his terms (ADHD and stress + the public school system do not always go hand in hand). He’s a quick learner when he deems the information important and is made accessible to his learning needs.

- Ben definitely has ADHD speaking of which, it was nearly uncontrollable as a child bc his free-spirited parents didn’t believe in medicating. Ben convinced them he needed it and after some trial and error, found meds that worked. As he became more involved in heroics/growing up he had to change his medicine regimen (resulting in him being a bit more off the rails in OV) and needed antidepressants and therapy to manage it better. As an adult he has a whole litany of coping mechanisms (good and bad yes) and regularly checks in with his therapist and doctors to keep things under control. 

- Has a complicated relationship with his necrofriggian children. Considers himself their mother and worries after them. They too feel a connection to their parent despite this being unusual for their species. A few visit (some more than others) while they grow while others maintain distance. Ben never breathes a word of them to the media for fear of them being targeted. Still he keeps an eye on them and ensures all 14 mature to adulthood (another rarity for the species). Checks in every now and again with the ones who don’t want to see him and those that do. Two join the Plumbers and Ben is both proud and worried. His youngest becomes partners with Rook Ben.

- Just in general loves kids, they’re his favorite fans and while he’ll grumble at pushy adult fans he always smiles and kneels down for the little ones. Not so secretly wanted to have children of his own but knew it was a risk overall and used a lot of that energy with mentoring and teaching. Eventually had Kenny later in life (late 30s-40s) and was over the moon, becoming such a loving and doing parent or as much as he could be with his hectic schedule. 

- Omnitrix can’t come off, never has at any point since it first latched onto Ben’s arm. Azmuth tried and failed to get the device off, doesn’t let Ben know for many years as he feared the consequences. The watch loves and protects Ben even beyond it’s programming making him much more durable to damage and releasing energy charges when he’s threatened. Not even removing Ben’s arm would separate them. They’re stuck for life.

- Ben does have Anodite heritage but the Omnitrix actively suppresses it and uses the built up energy to power the transformations which is why ben is mostly unaffected by what should cause a massive energy drain on him. Theoretically if Ben learned to harness and safely use his Mana at an early age like Gwen he would have been fine but letting it build up without safe outlet meant activation would have killed him. Omnitrix Ben, however, went his whole life not knowing of his latent abilities and how the watch saved his life.

- Ben’s eyes get more green and glowy as time passes from the Omnitrix. At first they think its a trick of the light but by the time he’s an adult his eyes are pretty much glow in the dark. His veins light up too after long stretches of using the Omnitrix. Its vaguely unsettling to people who aren’t used to Ben.

- Max and the Earth Plumbers work so, so hard to keep teen Ben on Earth when half the universe is blowing up their comm lines asking for The Ben 10 to help with whatever problem of the day. Ben himself doesn’t quite understand when he’s younger the prestige and expectations on his shoulders. Max throws up a million and one roadblocks so Ben can live as normal a life as possible while he still can. Still, while doing that he Still overloads Ben with expectations and responsibilities on earth and beyond. He becomes a soldier again with Ben as their greatest weapon. He never forgave himself of losing sight of his grandson underneath the hero esp after Ben’s breakdown. 

- Rook partnership with Ben ends not long after Omniverse with his promotion to Magister. Ben tries to play it cool but the thought of another loved one/teammate leaving his tears him apart. Max revealing that Ben most likely wouldn’t get a new Plumber assigned partner since he’s almost an adult and won’t need it and Rook accidentally missing their last smoothie run due to a scheduling mishap causes Ben to snap and have the nervous breakdown that had been building for almost a decade. He completely loses it for a little while and needs to take an extended leave of absence from school and heroics that lasts about a year. Spends time recovering both on Earth and Galvan Prime, does some diplomatic training, learns about aliens, actually confronts the stress and loneliness of his life. He comes out the other side stronger but still fragile and exhausted.

- Ben’s above mentioned breakdown brings him closer to all his friends who didn’t quite realize the extent of Ben’s burden. Rook had been under the impression Ben didn’t like him all that much so the knowledge that his departure was the final straw for friend/hero’s collapse was shocking. Ben and Azmuth also become closer, the Galvan becoming fiercely protective of the boy seeing as his Earth family didn’t do well to keep him safe. It takes years for him to get over his anger at Max for putting so much on his grandchild. Ben makes more friends, in and out of the hero business, finally gets a therapist and gets some of his burdens eased a bit. It’s not a sure fire fix and Ben has several smaller breakdowns the rest of his life but its something.

- Azmuth was straight up suicidal before he met Ben for the first time. Ben gave him back hope for the universe and his ability to create items for peace not weapons. The boy infuriates him, frightens him, frustrates him but Azmuth cannot deny in his heart of hearts that he loves Ben dearly. He’s very upset at Ben’s breakdown and doesn’t know how to handle the worst of the initail outbursts. Azmuth talks Ben down from a suicide attempt. He reaches out to Ben that he Too felt overwhelmed by pressure, thought himself only good for war. Ben’s arrival in his life saved him and now he will do the same for Ben. It’s the first positive step forward in Ben’s recovery.

- For no other reason than I like it, Azmuth primarily refers to Ben as Benjamin (mostly to annoy the kid but he likes the way it sounds too) and Ben in softer, more serious moments. 

- Professor Paradox continues to flit in and out of Ben’s life. He says its because Ben is the most equipped to handle universal peril (true) but he’s also just very fond of the boy. Ben, existing in so many forms and having such importance also exists a beat outside of normal reality which Paradox identifies with. Ben is naturally attuned to time related problems because of this (instantly IDing Spanner as from the future before being told later deducing him to be his unborn son). Plus Ben named him, way back when. He’s just drawn to Ben.

- Adult Ben, while being seen as an impressively skilled fighter and champion, really has his strength as a universal diplomat of sorts. Based out of Earth, he helps mediate and defuse conflicts, advocate against tyranny and overall preserve peace and balance. He’s not perfect, he makes mistakes and sometimes is forced to become violent (and yes kill) but overall is regarded as a peacekeeper, something younger ben simply couldn’t understand. 

- Gwen gets her degree and primarily does work with advocacy and teaching about magic/alien culture. While she and Ben are still close, there’s a bit of a frustrated divide in that she isn’t helping him share the burden of the universe. Gwen never wanted to be a hero and has enough worth to not shackle herself to a job that’ll burn her out. Ben loves heroing but gives too much of himself away trying to fix everything. They get into screaming arguments that it wouldn’t be so bad out there if she just helped him but she refuses to budge and says he shouldn’t make himself do so much. They always make up and thy still are each other’s closest relationships.

- Ben marries Kai in a political move, Kai is Asexual and Ben Aromantic. They didn’t love each other but they got on well enough and Ben was really feeling the stress of carrying the hero burden so Kai also being involved made him feel like he wasn’t alone. Both were also so tired of the universe constantly asking about their love life and said ‘fuck it we’re married leave us alone’. Gwen was always mad about it feeling Ben deserved better but the two of them were happy with it. They had separate rooms, mostly separate lives but they became strong friends and supports with their strictly platonic marriage. They had Ken via Invitro in an incubator and were loving if extremely busy parents. 

- Also from the moment he appeared, Ben knew that Spanner was his future son, Kenny. He played ignorant and then was kind of deliberately teasing him in future encounters. He knew the rules of time and didn’t want to disrupt things further even if he was angry and worried as heck about why Ken felt the need to time travel. When future Ben catches up in the timeline, Kenny gets SUCH a lecture. 

- Ben isn’t quite immortal but he’s also not entirely human anymore either. The Omnitrix not only keeps him safe from most harm but it lightens the effect of aging. Ben 10 is active many, many years when most humans would have been forced to retire. He’s not sure how long the watch will keep him alive and it terrifies him. Gwen too is functionally immortal however she ages like a normal human, then when her natural death came, shed her skin and became a fulltime Anodite. So in the end, it was her and Ben together wondering which of them will die first. Gwen has trouble retaining her humanity as pure energy and swears she’ll let herself fizzle out when Ben goes. When that’ll be however...

[tofumedic]

hewo! for the affections number.. 16 is so cute.. would u be able to do headcanons of all the demon bros with it? if not, can u pls do levi then !

The Brothers + Simeon with #16!

16. taking a photo of them smiling or in their element

(lucifer's is here from a previous ask! and bc of that i added simeon only for having some lil funnies i hope you dont mind <3!!!)

Mammon

His collection is the largest, he flaunts it like collectables like cars or like Levi's figures. It is literally one of his biggest flexes and will use them like trading cards never wanting to send them in group chats or privately bc he took those ones get your own human >:(!

He will however hold his phone directly in one of their faces, waving the screen around to show how he has so many good ones.

He uses them for call screens, his lock screen, his home screen, any widget he can other than the Goldie one. He's a menace about it but do not call him out on it he will buy a second phone to use in the public.

Anyways, anyways for actually taking photos..

Mammon always takes too many, as in he will take a bunch within the same timespan because he doesn't trust his hands not to shake, so if he just takes a lot at one time so he can delete the others and save the best ones

But he just ends up keeping all of them, just favoriting the best or separating them into two albums of "valuables" and "treasures" depending on the quality.

Usually they will all have a small blur, him too excited at seeing whatever expression you wear, whether its a smile at seeing him purposely acting dumb or you enjoying a hobby.

He feeds a lot of unfiltered second hand serotonin off of you! Please do not disturb his "I have just had a very bad brotherly bonding experience, I must cope by looking at my photos of my human- No I'm not smiling already shut up"

Leviathan

Levi will use photos of you like wholesome memes so they carry the same energy as the hang in there cat poster, using different heart overlays and nice quotes

His are also a mixture of blurry but also high quality photos, for ones he takes.

This is because seeing you so dedicated or when you smile in his direction, his heart does this weird jumpstart the palpitations making him feel heavy yet light at the same time almost like a peach and its pit.

But he has a preference to use either this small tripod(he has it as a preparation for going to live shows) or a timer so its set away from him as he calls you over, its his own little trap.

His favorite, the majority of his collection, are those! It's photos of you being in frame with him in it as well because there's just something about how all that happiness of yours is completely focused on him, your smile as you walk over towards him sometimes blurry and mistimed so its only you entering the corner of the screen but you can tell how he takes your attention.

When getting in fights about who has the best photos, he will drop ones that are different hugs of him in your arms like he was a newly one plush. Mammon especially gets pissy about these as well as Belphie and Asmo.

If you can't turn your camera on when he calls or if he is locked in a raid that they're losing he would ask you for a selfie also, never requesting anything special other than just yourself but his favorite is when you send just smiles or videos of the which character are you filter :]!

Satan

Satan often tries to hide it, saying he's taking a photo of himself or checking his hair, maybe even going as far as saying the text on his study notes are too small so he has to hold it in front of his face so close.

Think about cowboys, shooting from the waist. That's him when you're too far away, maybe with a brother or during class or eating. He will scribble out his brother or purposely have the other cropped out of the shot.

He does have a lot of you when you're just turning around to face him and then your reaction, he can't resist the temptation of taking your attention when he's bored or waiting for his next book order to come in before he goes back to the cat behavior of only seeking out attention when he deems it necessary and otherwise pleased for a period of time.

He loves the ones where you look at him before he's ready, these are just slightly shaky from him jumping or pressing the button in an embarrassed panic at your smug yet happy expression.

Has definitely done the cut a hole in a newspaper and put his camera to it to look out like it was some camouflage but he's first, smiling much too hard and trying not to laugh at it, and second had seen it in multiple old movies and shows you had watched together.

Satan, speaking of movies, quite enjoys you in low light. On movie nights where your face is only illuminated by the projector screen and the photos turn out a bit grainy, there's something so romantic about you just existing in such an atmosphere. These ones he does like more when you're focused, looking far off with a small pleasant smile on your face at the soft plot of tonight's pick.

Asmodeus

Asmo will send you them all the time, he's like your own personal Devilgram manager he will even edit them for you and send the before and after of those photos too (MC: when did u take these??? Asmo: ,';p)

He will always have such good angles of you, from your side, from above or below, a 3/4, or full portrait, your silhouette. He may have one for each basic one at least though his favorites are above and below, these are the most personal feeling to him.

Usually these come as him trying to get your attention, bothering you with his phone and purposely leaving the little shutter noise on so you hear every single one while you're just trying to watch a DevilTube video or do something else.

Him snuggled into your side post cuddle just to lean up, phone in his hand and a menacing giggle, it's the first thing you see waking from your drowsy state is him on top of you trying to get cute pictures that he can use as teases as if something else was in progress.

Or ones where you roll on top of him, just trying to get up to see the dumb little flash as an alarm instead of his cute good morning kisses to your face(those are actually used to buy more time with you because he is allowed to be a little selfish as a treat)

He also has them set as his lockscreen and homescreen, these being photos of you together so he can have the best of both worlds, himself and your happy smiling face. He just finds it so cute, whenever you want an audience to see it he's in the first row.

Sends them to the group chat with his brothers to start some chaos

"My~ Isn't my dearest MC just the cutest?" Asmo has sent 28 attachments.

Beelzebub

His collection isn't one of the best out there but it is unique and keeps him content and happy, pleased.

He likes having photos of you for when you two are separated, it makes you feel closer to him and him to you

His may have some of the least blur, hands steady you work on something separately yet aware of the soft stare that was bearing into the side of your head.

He may forget sometimes about the sound so when you get the rare notification from his electronic betrayer it is free power to tease him, asking him if he wanted your attention or if he just took a photo of you and to be honest, then his photos if you let him continue for that setting are a little blurrier on your fine details. He's embarrassed.

He likes these more than ones with just your smile because then he isn't as satisficed because then he's thinking about how nice it looks in person and your laugh and when you let out a sigh being tired from your work, it'll be a cycle until he gives up and goes to see you in person.

But he likes the ones of you in your element very much and photos of you in general, saying that looking at them makes him feel "full"

He means to say complete, he's content and pleased and delighted and he has a reminder of you existing, that you're real and not a midnight sleep walk hallucination.

Belphegor

He has the smallest collection but next to rest, Beel, and his appearance he is mostly focused on capturing photos of you when he can.

He didn't get to really know you as long as his brothers have so its only fair he gets to spend more time with you than them until he's equal, and then some because you're really comfy and you make his twin happy? and then on top of that you make this face when you are concentrated and you smile different depending on if you're gonna laugh or if you're confident.

There's so much he has to memorize, he's rather demanding with having the attention so he may continue this personal agenda of his.

A lot of them are from similar angles, from laying with him in different positions but everything feeling relatively the same, normal. These are usually after he has woken up, not before he goes to bed so either it's your soft good morning smile, or your surprised "how long have you been awake" face, or you still asleep on your own.

Many of them often have his bed head just barely visible at the bottom, usually having laid on top of you and just using his selfie camera and angling it up to see you take up more of the screen.

For just being a pillow that moves a lot you definitely are photogenic.

He doesn't send his photos of you to chats but will save photos sent of you from everyone except Lucifer.

Simeon

PLEASE applaud.

It takes him such a long time, but Solomon gave him the idea saying it was something sweet you would also enjoy the concept of. So he is doing his best.

He will see you, just existing and his heart will swell, needing to pause a moment before kindly asking you to hold that thought and pose as he turns on his phone, maneuvering to the camera and trying to get it to focus on you perfectly.

It takes him a few minutes every time but he is getting better at it but his reaction is always the same, smiling at you showing up on his phone screen waiting for the picture to be taken.

He never can be sneaky about it unless he asks for help to get your photo, sending Luke on his biggest mission yet, a photo after he asks you what you thought of Simeon's cooking knowing you'll have that sweet face of genuine thought looking back on it.

But he has yet figured out how to turn the sound off and almost always accidentality flashes you up close, it's so bright.

He has the most blurry photos, and that's not on purpose but when he asks you to look at them with him so he can coo about how happy you look or how serious, its endearing with the blur especially as they clear up a bit continuing the timeline of photos.

He really does his best to have these mementos of you.

Is delighted when you surprise him by putting his favorite one of you as his home screen, he's so grateful let him match with you he wants to be yours too!

from this prompt list!

[freelancearsonist]

Sugar

Abel Morales x fem!Reader

Rated MA for divorce, mutual pining, graphic sexual content, kind of sugar daddy/baby relationship but also kind of not, and bad language words

1,182 words

A/N: This is my submission for the lovely @wasicskosgirl‘s 800 follower celebration!! Congrats on this milestone love, you deserve this and so many more 🥺

This morning’s edition of the New York Times says that it’s been a record year for divorces.

Or rather, a record two decades—the article sites upward trends beginning as early as 1963.

1.19 million divorce cases in the country just this year. Abel never saw himself being involved in such a statistic.

It happens, though. That’s how his lawyer had stated it. People grow apart. People change.

He supposes he has changed. But not in ways that warrant a divorce. Still, Anna deemed it necessary. Even after everything they faced together.

He can’t really blame her, as much as he would like to. Witnessing Julian’s death the way they did... it drove a sharp knife between them. They coped too differently to do it together.

They held on for the rest of the year. But after a terse and uncomfortable New Years’, they called it quits. It was better for the girls. It wasn’t good for them to see their parents so broken.

Abel’s made his peace with it, after a long year of readjusting to bachelorhood. He accepts that as much as he loves Anna, he can’t love her in the way she needs him to. And she can’t love him how he needs.

He didn’t anticipate how difficult it would be to jump back into dating when he’s nearly forty, though. Dating wasn’t exactly the first thing on his mind when Anna called for a separation.

Part of him has to wonder if it’s even worth it. If he can find someone to make him happy after so long only knowing Anna’s affection.

“Last day, Maggie,” he sighs wistfully, smiling nonetheless as he greets the secretary he’s become familiar with over the past five years. “Any final wishes?”

“That the new girl isn’t an idiot,” she practically snorts as she tucks a strand of stiff blonde hair behind her ear. “I don’t wanna leave you with a basket case.”

“I’m sure she’ll be just fine,” he smiles sweetly. “I haven’t met her yet, but Anna had only kind words.”

It’s stopped hurting to talk about his wife. Ex-wife. He supposes it’s a good thing—she still owns part of the business. Maybe they weren’t compatible in a marriage, but they’re still pretty good business partners.

He despises her for how easy this has been for her, he supposes. How she hasn’t been anything but cordial, despite all of the unresolved conflict. She treats him like a business partner—like that’s all he ever was to her. Maybe it’s true, in a way.

Why did he let his ex-wife select his new secretary again? Why did he ever think that was a good idea? This could be a revenge plot, the new girl could be some kind of basket case, or—

No. That’s the last thing he needs to worry about. He’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop, but there’s no other shoe. They both dropped once all the papers had been signed and the divorce was finalized.

He was just too exhausted to worry about shit like this on his own. He’s burnt out, quite honestly. Twenty years of going non-stop, and the divorce was like a slam on the breaks. Now time seems to move in slow motion, and he’d give anything for things to go back to normal.

But they never will. And what is normal, anyway?

You arrive fifteen minutes early for your first day, a nervous smile on your face. Pretty face, Abel notes. No, that’s dangerous. That’s a path he shouldn’t be on. You’re closer to his eldest daughter in age, and you have so much life. He doesn’t even want to fantasize about draining that life from you.

You’re so sweet, though. You tell him about yourself with a friendly shelteredness—you’re a second-year med student, picking up a job because your financial aid and scholarships didn’t quite give you a full ride. Your parents live far away—moving to the city was a big risk on your part. So far, though, it was paying off.

Abel could listen to you speak for hours on end. Your voice is soft and soothing and he has half a mind to actually thank Anna for this. You’re the best thing that could’ve possibly come out of this whole ordeal.

The first day is slow. This big new office space is rather unfamiliar and intimidating, but all of your co-workers are kind and willing to drop anything to help you. This is exactly the kind of environment you’ve always wanted to be in.

The day’s drawing late—the sun is steadily sinking below the horizon, and one by one the cubicle lights of your coworkers turn off.

There’s no sign of your boss, though, so you decide to pull out some textbooks and do some studying while you have some downtime.

Nearly two hours pass without you realizing before Abel’s office door opens, and he nearly jumps out of his skin when he finds you hunched over your books.

“Jesus, kid, you’re still here?” He rasps, blinking the last dregs of his unplanned evening nap from his eyes.

You look up at the clock across from your desk and gasp sharply. “Oh god, Mr. Morales, I’m so sorry, I lost track of time, I—“

He hushes you with a soft smile. “Hey, it’s okay, sweetheart. I’m not upset. But if I ever don’t dismiss you before five, you can just go, okay? You’re off the clock.” He chuckles softly as he catches your apologetic smile. God, you’re so cute.

“Of course, sir. I’m sorry. I’ll remember that.” You giggle softly, and the sound combined with your sickly sweet and submissive “sir” goes straight below his belt. Oh god, he should fire you. He should fire you right now and get you out of his life because he’s definitely no good for you.

“It’s just Abel, yeah?” He smiles. “Can I buy you dinner at least? For staying so late. And to welcome you to the job.”

Oh no, what is he doing? No no no, this is bad. Why is he inviting you to dinner? He should be pushing you away, saving you—

“O-oh, umm... yeah. Sure. If you’re certain it’s not too much trouble.”

Fuck it. If you’re not going to turn him down, he’s not going to back down. Abel is a man who gets what he wants, and he’s starting to realize that he wants you.

You take the bus, he finds out, so he’s more than happy to give you a ride. The restaurant is only a short trip, and you’re surprised that the waitress leads you to a small secluded room when Abel mentions his name.

“You’re not, like... with the mob, are you?” You ask quietly, a little afraid that you sound ridiculous.

He laughs at the question. “My name has weight around here because I’m not with the mob. There aren’t a whole lot of businessmen around here who can say that, so it goes a long way.”

Dinner is quiet and nice—Abel asks you about your education, and he’s impressed that you’re getting through med school through strictly weekend classes. He tells you that if you ever need a break, all you need to do is say the word. He remembers being your age and he was every bit as ambitious. He wishes someone had extended him the same curtesy.

Abel is a little shocked when he drives you home. You live in a bad neighborhood—it was the only place you could find affordable rent. He doesn’t say anything, but he makes a mental note to give you a raise. He wants you somewhere safe, and giving you a house would be coming on a little too strong.

Before he can think twice, he catches your hand as you’re about to say goodnight.

“I had a good time with you,” he smiles softly. “It’s been a while since I went out like this. I’m glad it was with you.”

Your face burns with excitement at his confession, and you gasp when he leans forward to capture your lips with his.

He worries that he’s overstepped a boundary when you don’t move against him, but then your fingers are tangling into his hair to pull him closer and your tongue is sweeping over his bottom lip. He’s actually a little surprised at how domineering your kiss is considering how shy you’ve been since he met you.

Your fingers tug on his hair lightly, and the moan he lets out is music to your ears. He used to hate when Anna messed up his hair. With you, though, he doesn’t mind so much. He actually kind of likes it.

“Do you want to come up?” You gasp breathlessly as you pull away for air.

He does. He so desperately does.

“I shouldn’t,” he smiles apologetically. “We both have an early morning.”

Your face falls slightly until he takes your hand and languidly brushes his lips against your knuckles. “I’d like to do this again, though. What about Thursday night? Do you have any plans?”

Nothing comes to mind, and it’s not like you’re doing anything that you wouldn’t cancel for Abel, anyway.

He kisses your lips once more before you go, languid and sweet—he’s savoring the touch of a woman after so long.

You’re a little nervous to go to work the next morning, scared that Abel might’ve changed his mind and now be regretting the evening you spent together.

But you’re infinitely surprised when you turn the corner and see a huge bouquet of your favorite flowers sitting on your desk. Did you even tell him these were your favorite? How did he know?

Until Thursday xxx - A

Your face flushes as you read the note before tucking it into the drawer of your desk. How are you already so impossibly infatuated with this man?

Abel doesn’t come into the office all day long, until you’re about to grab your coat and leave for the day.

He looks way too good in that tan coat for his own good, and your knees almost buckle when he asks to see you in his office.

“Did you like the flowers?” He asks with a soft smile as he shuts the door behind you and starts to shed his coat.

“They’re my favorites,” you grin in return. “How did you know?”

“Lucky guess.”

Abel’s grin is wide when you leave his office at five o’clock, gently wiping your smeared lipstick off of his lips.

Thursday arrives sooner than you expect. Abel is working in his office all day, but he notes the cute dress you’ve picked out and compliments it on his way in. He never fails to make your face burn, and he adores seeing you so flustered.

Dinner is in a different restaurant this time—fancier, and you almost feel underdressed in the simple dress you’re wearing. You don’t want to overthink it too much, though—you’re completely in the moment and focused on your date.

He looks so handsome in the low glare of the dim, romantic lighting—the chandelier overhead catches the gray in his hair and makes it shine spectacularly. You notice things you’ve never noticed about him before, like the slight round of his chin against his sharp jaw and the slight dip of his cheeks. Everything about him is devastatingly handsome and it almost makes you feel out of place. You can hardly believe you’re on a date with Abel Morales, let alone a second date.

You wonder, as his car pulls up your driveway, if inviting him up again will be a bust. He seems intent on taking this slow, on getting to know you before he gets to know you. 

Still, you decide that the worst thing he can do is say no.

And to your surprise, he says yes.

He looks entirely out of place on your little squeaky couch as he loosens the tie he’s wearing that probably costs more than a month’s rent for you.

“I have something for you,” he tells you softly as you set two mugs of coffee down on the coffee table in front of him.

You gasp when he pulls a small velvet box out of his jacket coat and opens it to reveal a bracelet that definitely costs more than a month’s rent for you.

“Abel, I couldn’t possibly accept that,” you breathe as he catches your hand and flips your wrist over.

“Anna used to drain my bank account like the economy was going to collapse the next day,” he chuckles with only a tinge of resentment in his tone. “But you... you ask for nothing. You didn’t even ask to close the blinds when the sun was bothering you yesterday. Let me treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

“Abel, I...”

“Please?” He asks, a soft smile on his face. “I’ve got all this extra money to spend now that I’m on my own, and... I guess giving is the way I show people I love them.”

You gasp when the gravity of his words sinks in. “Abel... you... you love...?”

He doesn’t mean it. Does he? No. There’s no way he loves you already. This is the second date, you hardly know him, and yet... you think you might love him, too.

His thumb traces lightly over the back of your hand, dark eyes piercing as he catches your gaze. “I know it’s soon—sudden. And I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to be ready. I know it’s a lot, there’s no rush to return my feelings.”

“No, I...” you take a deep breath and squeeze his hand. “I think I love you, too.”

His kiss is deep and purposeful as he gathers you into his arms—there’s no point in wasting any more time.

You moan when he drags you into his lap, legs spread wide to accommodate his size. You’ve always loved how wide he is—it makes you feel safe when you’re encompassed in his arms. And now, with him between your thighs, you feel safer than you’ve ever felt before.

You feel even more safe after he hunts down a rag and gently cleans you up before cuddling into you and wrapping his big, safe arms around you. His bare skin against yours keeps you warmer than you’ve ever been in your bed, and you’ve never slept so peacefully before.

When you wake up, though, suddenly things don’t seem as simple and clear as they did the night before. Abel is asleep in your arms, soft breaths fanning over your bare chest. Abel, your boss. The man who owns the company you work for. You slept with your employer and accepted gifts from him and now everything is going to change for you.

“Good morning,” he mumbles as he scoots closer, buries his face in your chest and tightens his arms around you. His voice is deep and gravelly and beautiful like this, and you can forget about your worries for a moment when you feel his lips against your breasts. “How did you sleep?”

“Good,” you hum, lightly running your fingers through his hair. You didn’t realize it was curly—you’ve only ever seen it styled flat. “You?”

“Better than I have in twenty years,” he chuckles softly. “I actually feel rested. That hasn’t happened in a really long time.”

“I’m not surprised,” you giggle. “We wore ourselves out.”

“That, we did.” He grins up at you, eyes and smile soft. Maybe nothing’s going to change, after all.

And nothing does. At least, not for the worse. The gifts become a little more frequent, even though you insist they aren’t necessary—first a necklace to match the bracelet, then some earrings, and pretty soon the flowers on your desk are a constant.

Abel helps you move when you finally have enough saved to get a nicer apartment in a nicer neighborhood. It’s a busy Saturday—first moving everything from your cramped little apartment to the new one, and then joining him for an important business dinner. It’s a big step for your relationship—the first outing with other people where he’ll introduce you as his girlfriend.

Except it’s been four hours of sweating and heavy lifting and the leggings you’re wearing cling to you and accentuate all his favorite parts of you and it’s driving him insane. Abel is usually the man who can repress his sexuality if need be but all he can think of right now is pressing you up to the wall of your new apartment and shoving himself so deep inside you that you never stop feeling him.

You’re halfway through unpacking the last box when you tell Abel that he can go change into his suit for dinner—you only have about half an hour before you need to leave, and you want to finish off this box before you need to leave.

Abel finally decides to make his move—he comes up behind you and you lean back into him when his arms circle your waist, his lips instantly finding your neck.

“Thank you for all of your help,” you hum contently. “This means the world to me.”

“You know how hard it’s been to keep my head straight when you look like this?” He chuckles darkly, emphasizing his point with a soft bite to your sweet spot. “I need you so bad, baby.”

You moan when you feel him grind into your ass—he’s hard and wanting, and the thin material of his sweatpants does nothing to hide that fact.

“Baby, I have to take a shower,” you whine softly, reaching back to card your fingers through his hair. You love seeing him later in the day like this—when his hair starts losing it’s style and you can feel the curls that you only ever see when he’s fresh out of the shower. 

“Let me help,” he suggests with another pointed nip to your neck.

You have no resolve—you crumble so fast in his arms that it’s not even funny.

“I’m going to be late because you can’t keep it in your pants.” Your laughter warps quickly into a moan when you feel him grind more firmly against you. 

“It’s not like they can start dinner without us. They’ll just have to wait.” He’s not teasing or toying with you—he needs this. And so do you.

He makes quick work of your clothes as you tug him to the bathroom, bumping into various pieces of furniture because you’re still not entirely accustomed to the layout of this new apartment.

“This okay with you?” He asks, soft and sweet despite the relatively rough manner with which he shoves you up against the shower wall.

“So okay,” you gasp—your voice is high-pitched and needy because his thumb is working delicious circles against your clit and you realize with startling clarity that he’s going to make you come faster than he ever has before because even though he said he didn’t mind being late, he’s the most punctual man on earth and he’d rather be caught dead than tardy. Really the fact that he’s fucking you at all right now demonstrates how raw and uncontrollable his need for you is—that he’d risk his always-fifteen-minutes-early reputation because of how badly he wants you.

He thrusts in hard as the warm water sloshes between your bodies—the water pressure is far better here than in your old place, and the way he’s rocking works wonderfully against your clit and you know he’s going to make you come within a matter of minutes.

“That’s it, darling,” he coos—cut off by his own moan when he thrusts just right and makes you clench hard around his thick cock. “Fuck, you take me so well.”

“You fill me so well,” you agree—and then the conversation is lost underneath the noises of the water and his hips slamming relentlessly into yours.

He comes only moments after your body is subsumed with your pleasure—grunts loudly as he slams himself deep and empties rope after rope of warm cum deep into your pussy.

“Baby,” you gasp, running your fingers through his messy wet curls as he nuzzles his face into your neck; his panting breaths tickle the sensitive skin there. “Fuck.”

“Was that okay?” He asks breathlessly. He’s careful to set you down and keep you steady as your legs are still shaking. 

“So much more than okay.”

You still manage to be five minutes early to your dinner. Not as much as he would’ve liked, but the other couple arrives a few minutes later so they never have to know.

They don’t have to know, either, when he pushes his hand under the skirt of your dress underneath the table and fingers you through one orgasm straight to the next, all the while wearing the most innocent of smiles.

There are a lot of things you never expected when you applied for your job at Standard Oil. But least of all, you didn’t expect you would fall in love with your boss—or that he would fall for you. But there isn’t a single decision that you regret or would take back.

Especially a year later, when he gets you a diamond ring to match the other gifts he gave you.

THE END

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[ichayalovesyou]

TOS Crew-Phobias

Been thinking about And The Children Shall Lead and how the kids play on everyone’s inner Beast, and trying to decipher what fears each crew member may have based on what the children made them do and see.

The asterisk means it’s either an approximation because their fear is too specific, or if they had this fear they’ve since developed means of coping

James Kirk: Autophobia

Autophobia: Fear of being alone

I feel like this one’s pretty obvious. People tend to make the argument that the Enterprise (the ship itself) is Kirk’s overpowering true love, but I don’t think that’s it. It’s more the friends and the life that he’s made within The Enterprise that he’s terrified of losing. Some of the places we see Jim at his most upset and afraid in the series are when he feels he’s been abandoned or is forcibly (and seemingly permanently) separated from the crew. How visibly upset he is on the empty Enterprise in This Side of Paradise and The Mark of Gideon, lashing out at Spock when the crew reluctantly relieves him of duty in The Deadly Years, and his deep resentment toward Deela when she kidnaps him in Wink of An Eye. This is also further reinforced by his actions in Star Trek: The Motion Picture & The Search for Spock. He’s also one of the two characters (the other being Sulu) where his fear counts as an actual phobia and not a hypothetical phobia, ingrained personality trait, or symptom of Neurodivergence.

S’chn T’gai Spock: *OCD (fear of losing control)

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Obsessive thoughts that lead to repetitive actions.

If anything what we might perceive as OCD-like (or at least Neurodivergent) behavior may be typical of the Vulcan condition. I don’t think Spock has OCD, or at least I don’t know enough about it to say for sure, but what came up whenever I looked up “fear of hurting others/losing control” it came up without fail. While we don’t actually get to see whatever is making Spock’s hand tremble, momentarily defy orders and act as though everything is fine. I think we can surmise that his Beast convinced him that following the order would somehow hurt Jim or that he would be possessed/controlled to do so. Operation: Annihilate, Amok Time, Plato’s Stepchildren and essentially Spock’s whole character arc prove this to be true.

Bones: *Hyper-Empathy/Thanatophobia

Thanatophobia: Fear of death, dying, watching others die and/or others watching you die

There is a headcanon that Dr. McCoy is autistic with the hyper-empathy symptom, meaning he has a really hard time watching others suffer. This may have been the reason he became a doctor in the first place, or became worse/was triggered by his father’s death. While not technically a phobia and we don’t see Bones face his Beast in ATCSL. Evidence from other episodes supports this, Miri, Metamorphosis, Plato’s Stepchildren, The Empath, and For The World is Hollow & I Have Touched The Sky all heavily support this.

Scotty-Astrophobia

Astrophobia: Fear of getting lost or dying in space

Seems like kind of a ridiculous fear for someone who builds, maintains, and lives starships to have right? Maybe, but if that is something he’s deeply afraid of, it would make his surpassing ability to make certain the ship doesn’t explode despite impossible odds make plenty of sense. I don’t think it’s space itself that freaks Scotty out, it’s the idea of being stuck out there and/or suffering the cold and grizzly death that is getting sucked out into space does. So he does everything in his power to ensure that never happens. Out of all the supporting characters, the events of the episode that sparked this post aside, Scotty seems to have the best handle on his fear, the most condemning evidence that he’s got Astrophobia occurs later in season 3. He freezes up in the Jeffrey’s Tube during delicate work in That Which Survives. As well as telling his love interest that being bone deep afraid that you’re going to die in the cold vacuum of space is a perfectly normal thing to constantly think about in Lights of Zetar. Still, he is uncommonly steely-eyed and level headed whenever he has the con, even in the face of his fear. I used to theorize that maybe he was afraid of failure/imperfection, but Scotty’s Jerry-Rigs and Duct-tape way of doing things doesn’t lend itself to that idea. What stuck out to me was his comment “we’ll all be lost, forever lost!” in And The Children Shall Lead that made me think Astrophobia would be a good fit.

Nyota Uhura-Nosophobia

Nosophobia: Fear of contracting deadly disease

Uhura’s fear seems to be dying a slow and painful death by disease, one where she is irrevocably physically/mentally altered by her suffering. There’s evidence for this when she sees the appeal of immortality in I, Mudd, and that she’s scared she’ll end up like Chekov in The Tholian Web. Nosophobia is not hypochondria (convincing yourself that you have a disease/compulsively self-diagnosing) or germaphobia (extreme fear of germs and sickness). Nosophobia is more long term, an irrational fear of things like cancer and Alzheimer’s and other such conditions as well as potentially deadly viruses. It seems to me that if Uhura were to die she’d rather it be quick and painless rather than endure that sort of battle.

Hikaru Sulu-Cleithrophobia

Cleithrophobia: Fear of being trapped

Again, someone I thought maybe was afraid of failure (afraid of failing by destroying the ship with the swords in ATCSL) before I picked up on a very interesting pattern I noticed from The Corbomite Maneuver. Sulu gets really fatalistic and/or agitated when it seems like he’s trapped with no way out. He hyper fixates on the countdown when their trapped and condemned to destruction by Balok in The Corbomite Maneuver, he makes dark jokes while trapped and freezing to death on the planet from The Enemy Within. He seizes up instead of fleeing or fighting the Law Givers in Return if The Archons, and even panics a little when they’re trapped by the giant hand in Who Mourns For Adonais (and usually Sulu is insanely chill under pressure). Cleithrophobia gets confused with Claustrophobia often, but Celthrophobia has much more emphasis on the trapped and no way out elements than just enclosed spaces. So him being terrified by being unable to move because it’s surrounded by swords actually makes a lot of sense! Honestly, I find it uniquely fitting that a flyboy with an enthusiasm for growing things would be agitated by places that do not allow growth or flight.

Pavel Chekov-Proditophobia (in reverse)

Proditophobia: Fear of betrayal

Proditophobia is the fear of being betrayed, but there is more evidence to suggest that Pavel is waaaaay more terrified of betraying or being disloyal rather than being the victim of that action. There’s certainly evidence for it in both The Trouble with Tribbles and Day of The Dove, where he is driven to act out violently on the behalf of those he feels deep loyalty towards, in his head, allowing someone else’s reputation to be trashed counts as disloyalty. And The Children Shall Lead also shows us, at least at this point in Chekov’s character development, he feels more loyalty to Starfleet than the Enterprise crew (something that certainly changes/evolves by the time the movies roll around). The case might even have been that he was all bark and no bite and really wasn’t actually going to kill his Captain or mentor, he was just hoping they’d believe him so that they’d go peacefully and he wouldn’t have to worry about betraying Starfleet at all. I used to think maybe he feared punishment or retribution, but he’d never break any rules if that were the case, and if I know anything about this feral gremlin of an Ensign, he’ll do that in a split second if someone questions his loyalty.

[the-rad-pineapple]

i want u

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Supernatural oneshot: After they found a way to get Cas back from the Empty, things go back to normal between Dean and Cas. Dean thinks he made up the whole love confession thing. It was exactly what he wants to hear. Plus, he’s re-written his own memories before like when he lost Cas in Purgatory all those years ago. It totally makes sense he’d make up a love confession to cope with Cas leaving him again. Dean’s suspicions are confirmed when Cas comes back and doesn’t say anything about it to Dean. And things go back to normal as if it never happened. Because it didn’t.

Words: 2.7k

I’ve been writing angsty stuff for my current WIP, but then I had an angsty day and needed something sweet. I hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading!

Inspired by Violent by Cummrs

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ao3

fanfiction

wattpad

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Today is one of the best days ever. Sam married Eileen. Dean cried. Multiple times. He ate too much at the reception and got a little tipsy. His best man speech rocked, though. Sam and Eileen left ages ago. They’re having their honeymoon in California. Dean can’t be happier. Everyone left a couple hours after them. The last people to leave were Jody, Claire, Kaia, and Jack.

Now Dean and Cas are sitting against the empty wall of the dirty dance floor. Music is still playing, and it echoes across the empty room, making the moment feel ethereal. Miscellaneous wedding decorations and napkins litter the floor. A lone broken high heel lays near the edge of the dance floor. Dean takes a swig of a champaign bottle and passes it to Cas. Cas doesn’t have his shoes on for some reason. He said it was easier to dance without them or something. He takes a drink from the champaign bottle. His white dress shirt is unbuttoned a few buttons on the top. His suit jacket disappeared hours ago. His hair is messy. He looks so good as a human. Cas hands the bottle back to Dean.

Dean takes it and stares at the empty floor in front of them. “This is the best day ever,” Dean decides. He takes a drink and hands the bottle back to Cas.

Cas hums. “It is one of the best I’ve ever had,” he agrees and takes a long drink.

“Mmhmm.” Dean leans his head against the wall and stares at Cas. The singular white light in the center of the ceiling casts long shadows on Cas’ face, making his face full of dark, sharp angles. It reminds Dean of the Cas he met in a barn over a decade ago. Dean lets the nostalgia wash over him as he stares at his best friend. Cas takes another drink from the champaign bottle and swallows. It’s really distracting, especially when Cas has his shirt unbuttoned like that.

After they found a way to get Cas back from the Empty, things went back to normal between them. Dean thinks he made up the whole love confession thing. It was exactly what he wants to hear. Plus, he’s re-written his own memories before like when he lost Cas in Purgatory all those years ago. It totally makes sense he’d make up a love confession to cope with Cas leaving him again. Dean’s suspicions were confirmed when Cas came back and didn’t say anything about it to Dean. And things went back to normal as if it never happened. Because it didn’t.

And Dean doesn’t really care. It hurt at first, but that was eclipsed by the ecstasy of having Cas back. He’ll take Cas in any way he can get. Angel. Human. Friend. Lover. Anything. Just as long as Cas is here and safe.

Cas hands the bottle back to Dean. Dean finishes it and sets the empty bottle down beside him. They don’t really have a reason to stay here anymore. It’s also getting late. And Dean is tired. They should go back to their hotel. Jody booked everyone a room at the hotel nearby as a wedding gift.

“I don’t want to move,” Cas says.

Dean chuckles. “Me neither.”

A comfortable silence lapses between them. The music is still playing. Dean closes his eyes.

“Dean.”

“Mmm,” Dean answers.

“I don’t want to move, but I also don’t want to sleep here.”

Dean sighs. “Yeah, yeah.” He opens his eyes and looks at Cas again. Cas is staring at him. Dean smiles. “What?”

Cas’ smile turns sad. “Nothing.” He looks away. “I suppose we should stand up now.”

“I suppose.”

Cas sighs and tugs his shoes forward. He slowly puts them on and ties them. Dean watches. Cas’ hands work carefully and precisely. Cas’ hands look soft. He finally stands up and looks down at Dean. He offers Dean a hand. Dean grabs it and stands up. Cas releases Dean’s hand, and Dean wishes he didn’t. Dean doesn’t want this moment to end. He likes being near Cas, and he knows once they get to the hotel, they’ll separate. It’s clingy as shit, but it’s how Dean feels. And he can’t do anything about that, can he?

He used to shove down those thoughts and feelings like they were something toxic. But, over time, he stopped doing that. He’s not exactly sure why. Maybe he’s just getting more comfortable with himself. Maybe he just doesn’t care enough to push them away. Maybe he’s just getting old. Maybe it’s all of those things. Dean doesn’t really know. And he doesn’t really care.

Cas smiles sadly at him again and turns away. Cas does that a lot now. Smile sad. He’s done it ever since he got back from the Empty. Dean thinks Cas misses being an angel.

Dean follows Cas down the short hallway and out into the parking lot. The Impala is the only car left. The summer air is warm and humid. The stars twinkle above them. Dean reaches into his pocket and grabs his keys, already missing today. It was so blissful and happy. Dean’s still adjusting to not feeling completely shitty all the time, let alone happy. It’s nice but also kind of weird.

They both head over to the Impala, and Dean unlocks it. They get inside. Dean turns the radio on to a low volume. The streets are practically empty, and the drive back to the hotel is relaxing. He also enjoys Cas’ presence, even if they’re both too tired to say anything. Just being around Cas makes Dean content.

They pull into the hotel parking lot and get back outside. The night air is peaceful, and Dean stands for a moment to feel it. He’s happy. Really happy. And so is Sam. They somehow did it. Part of Dean is convinced this must be a dream or something.

“Dean?”

Dean turns to look. Cas is standing in front of him, the lights from the hotel outline him. He’s so pretty. “Sorry,” Dean says. “Just don’t want this day to end, you know?”

Cas smiles. This time it isn’t sad. “Me neither.”

An idea pops into Dean’s head. “Wanna watch a movie in my room? We got the fancy tv’s here.”

Cas’ smile grows. “I would like that.”

Dean smiles back. “Awesome.”

----

Dean picks the first action movie he sees. He and Cas are sitting on his bed. Their shoulders are touching. It would take barely any effort for Dean to rest his head on Cas’ shoulder. He doesn’t.

Not even halfway through the movie, Cas starts to fall asleep. It’s selfish, but Dean doesn’t wake him up. He’ll take as many moments as he can with Cas. Besides, Dean will wake him up once the movie is over. But Dean doesn’t count on drifting off himself.

“Dean.”

Dean jerks awake, immediately on alert. He doesn’t have a gun on him, and he goes rigid.

“Dean,” Cas says again, gently.

Dean blinks and blows out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Oh, that’s right. They’re fine. They’re in a hotel. Sam got fucking married today.

Cas continues, “I think we missed the movie.”

Dean chuckles and looks over to him. “Yeah, I think so.”

Cas looks sleepy. His eyes are half open and his hair somehow got messier. His clothes are wrinkled, and he has a dazed smile on his face. He’s gorgeous.

Dean smiles. “You can stay here if you want, sleepyhead.”

Cas lifts his head up from where it was resting against the wall. “I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not. You never are.”

Cas smiles at him again. But it’s one of the sad ones. “Thank you, Dean.”

“You’re welcome.” They stare at each other. The longer it gets, the more awkward it is, but Dean can’t look away. To break the silence, he says, “I can take the couch.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know.”

They stare at each other again, but Dean is too tired to care. He closes his eyes.

A few moments pass before Cas says, “We can share the bed if you’re comfortable with that.”

Dean cracks his eyes open. “Yeah, okay.” He ignores how his heart jumps in excitement. They’re not even going to do anything, and he’s elated. Dean kicks off his shoes and automatically starts unbuckling his pants and freezes. “Is it okay if I don’t have pants on?” He glances at Cas.

Cas is already halfway under the covers. His eyes flick over Dean’s body. It’s so fast that Dean thinks he makes it up. “Yes, that’s fine,” Cas answers.

The mental image of Cas checking him out—real or not—makes Dean blush, and he quickly looks away and finishes taking his pants off. He shuts down every dirty thought he gets in the process; it’s easier than it usually is since he’s so damn tired.

Dean turns to Cas, and Cas is definitely staring at his bare legs this time. “Can I turn the light off?” Dean asks.

Cas’ eyes snap up to meet Dean’s. “Um, yes.” His cheeks turn pink.

Dean stares for a second and then realizes he’s probably making things worse by staring and quickly looks away at the lamp on his bedside table. He hits the switch and slides underneath the covers. He can feel Cas’ body heat next to him and forgets how to breathe. The temptation of having the one thing he wants most in the universe right next to him is too much. He’s tense and as close to the edge of the bed as he can be without falling off. Dean is wide awake now. He doubts he’ll get a wink of sleep.

Cas shifts beside him, and Dean nearly jumps out of his skin. Thankfully, Cas doesn’t seem to notice. Cas’ breathing evens out. Dean closes his eyes and focuses on the sound. He wants this so fucking bad it hurts. He squeezes his eyes shut harder when he feels the pin-prickle of tears forming. He won’t cry. Not on a good day like today. He spent way too many nights drinking and crying himself to sleep when he thought Cas was dead forever. He won’t do that when he has Cas literally right next to him. Dean swallows down the lump forming in his throat. As sleep tugs at his mind and consciousness begins to fade, he can’t help but think, I love you. I love you so fucking much. I think it’s killing me.

----

Dean wakes up, and he can’t remember where he is. He knows it isn’t the bunker. He feels a body next to him. He’s not even fully awake, and he can’t bring himself to remember who he’s in bed with. Damn. It’s been a while since he’s had a one-night stand. Loneliness stabs him in the chest, and he shifts towards the warmth of the person beside him. He reaches on arm out, and touches their back. He snakes a hand around their waist and pulls himself against them. Dean feels them begin to stir.

“Shh, go to sleep,” he murmurs.

That seems satisfactory, and they relax. They interlace their fingers with the hand Dean has draped over their waist. Dean pulls them closer. He’s so fucking needy and lonely. He wishes he was holding Cas. He pretends he is.

----

Dean’s pillow feels weird. It’s lumpy but soft. It’s very warm. It also smells like Cas. Which is also weird. Why does his pillow smell like Cas? Cas is dead. But, no. No. Cas is alive. He has been for months now. Dean just forgets when he wakes up sometimes.

Dean keeps his eyes closed as he rests. Any second he’s not fully awake is a good one. Dean then realizes his pillow has a heartbeat. Dean’s pillow might not be a pillow. He’s lying on someone. Someone who smells like Cas.

Dean’s heartrate spikes, and he jerks his head up.

Cas blinks up at him. “Are you alright?” Cas asks, his voice deep with sleep. Well, deeper than usual.

“Yes,” Dean says. “I just forgot you’re alive.”

Cas blinks again. “Oh.” He reaches up with one hand and cups Dean’s face. “Well, I’m alive.”

Dean smiles. “Yeah, I noticed.”

Cas smiles back. It’s the brightest smile Dean’s seen on him since he’s been back. But then it turns sad. Like it always does. Cas starts to pull his hand away, but Dean quickly grabs it. He’s not entirely sure what he’s doing; he’s still not even fully awake. Dean closes his eyes and leans further into Cas’ touch, keeping his hand on Cas’. He doesn’t want Cas to move away.

Cas’ breath hitches. “Dean,” he begins.

And Dean can tell by Cas’ tone that he is going to tell Dean to let go or something. Dean doesn’t want that. “Shh,” Dean says.

“Dean,” Cas says more firmly and tugs on his hand. Dean doesn’t let go. “Don’t do this.”

Dean opens his eyes. Cas’ smile is gone, and all the sadness has moved to his eyes. “Do what?” Dean asks.

“I know you’re doing this just because of what I told you before the Empty took me.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t feel obligated to…to sleep in the same bed as me or hold my hand like this just because I love you.”

“What?”

The hurt in Cas’ eyes throws Dean off so much that Cas manages to snatch his hand back.

Dean stares. Then swallows. “I thought I made that up,” Dean whispers.

“Made what up?”

“That you—that you…” Dean swallows again. Why is his mouth so dry? “That you lo—” His voice cracks. He furiously blinks back tears. “You said that, right?”

“You don’t remember?”

Dean shakes his head. “No, I do, I just…I thought I made that up. Because I—I want…” He licks his lips. “I want you.”

Cas stares at him with wide eyes.

Dean’s blood runs cold. “Wait, am I completely misinterpreting this, oh my god, Cas, I’m so sor—”

“You want me?” Cas is still staring. His eyes still wide with disbelief.

Dean’s already gone this far. There’s no turning back now. Might as well tell Cas everything. “You’re all I ever wanted.”

Cas shakes his head. “You’re just saying that.”

“Absolutely not!” Dean is just as surprised at his outburst as Cas is. He takes a deep breath before continuing, much calmer this time, “Cas, I have a hard time saying, ‘I love you’ to Sam. Why would I ever say that to you unless I completely mean it?”

“You didn’t say, ‘I love you,’” Cas tells him. “You said, ‘I want you.’ There’s a difference.”

That stubborn motherfucker. But Dean can be stubborn right back. This will show him! “Well, I love you. So there,” Dean states, staring at Cas to challenge him on that.

“Oh…” Cas’ gaze becomes distant.

“Yeah, not so fun being on the receiving end of a love confession, is it?”

Cas is unresponsive.

Uh, oh. Dean cups his face with one of his hands. “Cas, buddy, look at me.”

Cas’ eyes finally focus on Dean. “Y-yes?”

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Yes,” Cas repeats.

Dean leans in and gently presses his lips against Cas’. There’s a moment where neither of them move, as if what they’re doing isn’t real, but then Cas’ mouth opens up under Dean’s, and Dean moves in closer. He still has one hand on Cas’ face and moves it back to tangle in his hair. Dean allows himself to get lost in the kiss. It’s slow and gentle and even better than anything he dreamed a kiss could ever be. It’s all Cas, Cas, and more Cas, and Dean’s heart is soaring. He pulls back just far enough to whisper, “I love you so much.” before kissing Cas again, a little more desperately this time.

Dean isn’t quite sure how long they do this; kiss each other stupid with their bodies pressed into each other, but he treasures every second of it.

This day is somehow even better than yesterday. And, who knows? Tomorrow might even be better than today. But one thing Dean knows for sure is that they have all the time in the world, and he’s not going to waste a single minute.

[anntoldst0ries]

shinrin-yoku (Ethan x MC)

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Dr Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr Noelle Valentine) Word Count/Rating: ~1.7k, PG Summary: When life's difficulties hit, Noelle navigates her way through them by turning to the nature. Category: Hurt & Comfort Warnings: mentions of trauma

A/N: May is a Mental Health Awareness month and here in the UK the theme is nature. My MC, just like me, runs to the woods when things get tough. It helps her clear her head and reconnect with inner strength.

I struggle with mental health myself and it’s important for me to speak up and address the subject. There is nothing worse than shaming or discrediting someone’s difficult feelings. It’s fine not to be fine.

If you struggle alone, please don’t. My inbox will welcome you with open arms. Two heads are better than one, even if we just complain, at least we can complain together 💜

For @choicesmaychallenge2021 Day 13 - Mental Health

SHINRIN-YOKU - A Japanese term for ‘forest bathing’ or the sense of well-being you experience while in nature.

~~

It all starts with a seed. This tiny element which, without aid, is sentenced to certain death. But give it the right soil. Give it water, sun. And it can grow. Into something big. Powerful. Scary.

~~

She is five years old.

They live in a townhouse, a classy Victorian era building. Undistinguished, one of many merging into the background of a typical London street. The colors are also very standard,  dirty white married to ivory beige, bar for the deep green door - their rebel child.

For the random passerby, it’s nothing special. But for her, the walls of a storey house encapsulate the whole world.

The garden behind the house is neat and clean, visibly well taken care of. She doesn’t remember exact details anymore, but she remembers begging her parents to go camping in the garden with her brother. The ticklish feeling of long and slim blades of grass on her tiny feet. Looking at the stars with pure awe and delight, that only the unspoiled mind of a child is capable of.

The plot of land that the house has been built on borders a beautiful forest. A wooden fence separates the two.

To her, it’s a passage to a magical world.

A world without any particular order, living its own life, unconstricted by rules. Not in the slightest does it resemble the garden on her side of the fence, where things grow according to the rules laid out by the adults.

There is a feeling inside her that she’s too young to name, to throw it in lingual context. It’s not until years later that she realized what it had been. Freedom. To grow however you please. To be what you want to be.

Robust, effuse trees tower over her, making her feel so small. As if she hasn’t already been feeling small enough, living in a world full of giants.

But they mean something else too. They bring a secret and a promise. Promise of a bigger world out there, far from the confines of the place she calls home.

The forest draws her, singing a melody that only her heart can understand. One day, she will be a part of it.

~~

She lives the teenage dream life.

That’s what everyone says.

She doesn’t have any real problems. She’s lucky not having to worry about money. She’s got friends. Her family is great. She just needs to stop whining. Her life is perfect.

Their words, not hers.

None of them know what happens behind closed doors.

The childhood forest is a cloudy memory. Her home is now thousands of miles away, in a city with a giant red bridge, which for some bizarre reason has ‘golden’ in its name.

But the call from nature doesn’t care about distance. It can find you about anywhere. It’s different and yet the same.

Because nature beats in one rhythm and speaks in the same language, everywhere.

The morning is chilly and humid. She’s wearing a wooly coat, carelessly threw on a pair of PJs hiding underneath.

Her steps are brisk, breathing short and heartbeat elevated. Something’s bothering her blanched face.

The voice, again.

When it first appeared, she thought it had her best interest at heart. Used to give her advice and like a good friend, ream her out when she did something bad.

Over time, things took a turn for the worse.

Snarky comments. Casually mentioned wrongdoings. Feedback on what she could have done better, differently.

Noelle hoped the voice would go away on its own.

It hasn’t.

Not only did the voice not go away, but it was actually growing stronger with each passing day. Became more vocal. Judgmental. Openly hostile.

It fed on her fears.

It’s your fault - it told her - that your parents are getting divorced.

You are not good enough.

Even a lie, repeated enough times, will finally become the truth. And so it did for her, to the point where she couldn’t distinguish her own voice from the voice of the tormentor. Sounds faded into one.

Whoever said words can cut like a knife was right. But those who knew thoughts could leave scars that are much deeper, were truly wise.

The young, beautiful girl who never hurt a soul, became a hostage. A prisoner locked in the jail of her own head.

A giant tear rolled down her face. Made of all the words her heart couldn’t say.

She hugged the tree tightly and inhaled the woodsy aroma, the scent filling her lungs fully.

It’s sensuous.

Just like that, she is small again.

~

She’s got all that she ever wanted.

Degree from one of the best medical schools. Graduating with honors and glowing recommendations from even the strictest professors, who kept assuring her that her future in medicine is so bright it’s actually blinding. Then, a dreamy residency in one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country.

Pretty impressive, right? Even a fool could see that. But the only fool whose opinion she cared about, couldn’t. All these things were clearly not good enough for Ethan Ramsey to stay.

She wasn’t good enough for him to stay.

Not longer than a year ago he was just a concept, an ideal without a face, body and voice. To her, he was a celebrity, a hero, someone whom mortals don’t have access to.

It was preposterous to consider for even a second Dr Ramsey could actually see something in an intern.

Standing among the moss-covered trees, every fiber of her being was filled with the thought of him.

Did the Amazonian forest remind him of her, just like every forest around reminded her of him?

Just when she won the battle for her career, she lost another. Because life had to be a zero-sum game.

As painful as that would have been, she wished she had something to hold onto. A scene she could replay in her mind. An image of him walking away. Or saying goodbye.

But he left without a word.

That was the pattern. That was history repeating itself.

She took her shoes off and stepped on the soil frosted with morning dew. It’s cold and wet. It’s refreshing. She is grounding. Reconnecting with Earth.

Tunes in with the rivers of grass, towers of trees, fences of bushes.

If the trees could speak, they’d tell stories not many people would believe in.

Tales of heartbreaks. Parables of spirits.

They are all nature’s poems.

Hauntingly beautiful. Riveting. Written without a single word.

Because nature speaks its very own language that only the soul, not the mind, can understand.

Pain is ripping her apart. But it reminds her that she’s alive. And this, in itself, is a miracle.

~~

She doesn’t know who she is anymore.

Some people call her a survivor. But it doesn’t feel like the right word. So many things in her died. So much was lost.

The attack took a lot from her. Danny. Bobby. Sense of security. Identity. Direction.

Right and wrong, good and bad, righteous and vicious. These are all just words. Someone needs to come and teach her the meaning of them anew. Draw lines, mark out frontiers. Save her from herself.

The ground is soaked. Torrential rain turned the soil into soft mud, warm and easily slipping through her fingers. She falls on her knees, praying for the ground to consume her.

Fill every part of her. Silence the internal cacophony. To sink into oblivion.

Not many people knew about the panic attacks and recurring nightmares. They’re always the same.

She’s standing in the middle of a swamp. Danny and Bobby are drowning, their arms reaching out for her. She knows she can only save one of them. She runs out of time trying to figure out how to save both. As a result, they both die. Time stands still and yet everything is spinning, moving, racing. The reality is a riot of overbright colours.

Suddenly, a ring breaks the silence. A polyphonic intruder. She looks at the screen through hooded eyes and notices the caller’s name. It’s him. He’s petrified. Worried to death. Asks her to stay where she is.

Some time later, maybe 10 minutes, maybe an hour - who knows? - he emerges from the gathering of stocky oaks.

The moment he catches the sight of her, he starts running. She notices a lab coat underneath the jacket. He’s soaking wet.

Even though he is so close, he doesn’t slow down. Crashing into her, he scoops her in his arms. Catches her in the tightest of embraces.

Asks her if she’s fine. No. Not that question again. She’s tired of people fussing over her and gets angry.

Had it not been for the attack, would he even be here? The voice asks mockingly. It doesn’t matter to her. He’s there now.

Deep baritone is gentle and full of concern. It’s not like that. It’s not his intention to fuss. He’s simply worried. Because she is the most important thing to him in the whole world. Yes, he wasted so much time. That’s why he refuses to lose even one more second.

A dam breaks within her. Eliciting a quiet sob. She clutches his shirt, holds onto him for dear life. Moments later, she’s screaming at the top of her lungs. Singing her poignant birdsong.

How is she supposed to cope? Will things ever go back to normal? What is normal anyway?

In the confines of the infamous patient room she never felt more scared in her life. But here, out in the open, she feels so safe. As if she’s had a silent agreement with nature, which vouched to protect her at all costs.

And this time, nature had an ally. Because Ethan will protect her, even if it’s the last thing he does. Holding onto each other, they stand in the nothingness.

It keeps them grounded. Connected to their roots. Turning over new leaves. Bending before they break. Growing.

They get lost. Mother Nature has a reward for those who do. They have a chance to find themselves. Over and over again.

~~~

If you made it this far - thank you & you're awesome 🥰

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[darlingandmreames]

I rewatched The Ritual the other night for the first time in a while and am officially Back On My Bullshit, which means lots of thoughts and opinions that I am now going to make everyone else's problem. So without further ado, here are my thoughts on The Ritual's themes, character dynamics, and how the movie (in my opinion) improved upon the book

(spoilers for both the book and the movie)

Themes

So what is The Ritual actually about? I mean, obviously it's about a freaky forest monster that kills people and grants one of those kinds of immortality where you really gotta read the fine print, but underneath all that what is it actually about?

The answer depends a bit on both whether you're talking about the book or the movie, and how detailed you're being about it. Both the book and the movie share the very broad theme of "moving on", but what the characters are "moving on" from is different in each. I'd argue that the book primarily deals with moving on from past chapters in your life- cherishing the good memories, acknowledging and accepting the failures, and moving forward without becoming stuck on either.

The movie, on the other hand, is very explicitly about trauma, pain, and grief, and the process of confronting and moving on (or NOT moving on) from those experiences. This is achieved by the introduction of Rob, a character who didn't exist in the book. His actual appearance in the movie is brief, but his death is the driving force behind the entire movie. It's sudden, violent, and senseless, and it provides a very distinct and viscerally present context for the character interactions moving forward (more on that later). Rob's death faces the characters with a complex, heartbreaking, and traumatic loss and allows the movie to explore what it means to confront and move on from something like that, as well as the consequences of NOT doing so, by making that pain and grief into a very real (and beautifully designed) monster.

And that's where the movie's second major change comes in: the portrayal of the cult. I.... admittedly didn't really care for the cult portion of the book all that much honestly. It wasn't bad and some of my favourite lines were actually from that part of the book, but it felt almost jarringly different from the first part of the book to me. I felt like the heavy metal teen cultists were very much at odds with the sense of sinister supernaturality the first part of the book had spent building.

I loved the cult in the movie though. These are people who worship the personified (monstrified?) pain and grief that stalks the forest. They were chosen to survive specifically because of their own personal pain ("why me?" "Your pain is great") and by worshipping the monster they're kept in the forest and granted an immortality that saves them from death but not decay. It's a beautiful look at the consequences of being unable/unwilling to move on from pain/loss/grief and instead being consumed by it. The cultists are defined by their pain to the point that it eventually warps them into something almost unrecognizable. By worshipping Moder they are literally unable to move on, both physically (they're stuck in the forest) and spiritually (they can't die). Whereas the cult in the book felt jarringly different in tone from the story leading up to it, the cult in the movie tied into the theme beautifully and provided Luke with a look at his future if he allows his own pain to consume him.

Which brings us to....

Characters

A stories themes are often best portrayed through it's characters, and in this case that mostly means Luke.

Luke in the book is....well, to be honest, he isn't really that sympathetic or even that likeable when we first meet him or really for a large chunk of the story, at least not in my opinion. He's a 36 year old man-child who's clearly still chasing the glory of his college days and who's life up until now has mostly been characterized by failures, flakiness, and not taking responsibility for any of it. And on top of that, he's angry. The kind of angry that's violent, easily provoked, and generally unwarranted. All of the characters are facing failures at the end of this chapter of their lives to some degree (such as Phil being separated from his wife), but Luke is very clearly the least well adjusted- and least sympathetic- of them. His character arc revolves around him learning to move on from this previous chapter in his life, accepting the good and the bad and finally being willing to move forward with determination. In the beginning of the book Luke is characterized by indifference and petulant anger that masks fear and doubt, but he ends the book with a desire to move forward and determination to survive.

The inclusion of Rob and his subsequent death COMPLETELY changes Luke's character though and, in my opinion, makes him FAR more compelling and sympathetic. We still get similar notes to where he starts out as we did in the book; whereas Rob, Dom, Hutch, and Phil have all clearly settled down and moved on from their uni days, Luke obviously hasn't. This is made clear in his suggestions for the lad's holiday, his wanting to get a bottle of liquor after they leave the bar, and his conversation with Rob when they're in the liquor store. Movie!Luke really isn't all that different from book!Luke in the first scene or two.

Rob's brutal murder profoundly changes Luke's character though. He's left dealing with the grief and loss left in the wake of Rob's death, as well as the guilt associated with not having been able to stop it. By taking a character that may not otherwise be particularly sympathetic or likeable and having the audience watch him experience a deeply horrifying and traumatic loss, the movie makes Luke into an extremely compelling character and set him for a far more emotionally engaging character arc as he struggles to cope with both his grief and his guilt.

As I mentioned above, the cult in the movie provides Luke with a glimpse of the consequences of allowing his pain and grief to consume him. Now, the cult in the book sort of does the same thing- the indifferent anger and violence of the cultists mirrors Luke's own anger covering his fear and doubt and shows what could happen if he embraced that part of him. But the cult in the movie, in my opinion, works far better in this role because they feel more thematically and tonally in line with the rest of the movie and because Luke is a more sympathetic character. His decision to accept or reject that path carries more weight because we care about him. Moreover, accepting the same path as the cultist would provide him with a community that understands his pain, something he very much did not have with his friends; we understand that accepting the cult is a bad decision, but we also understand why Luke would be tempted to do so. Simply put, we feel for him and that makes the presentation of this choice much more emotionally impactful.

Interestingly, Luke's character arc in both the book and the movie end with him developing the desire and determination to survive. It comes from two very different places though. In the book, it revolves around Luke's willingness to finally close out the previous chapter of his life- highs and lows and all- and move forward into the future despite the fear and uncertainty doing so may provoke.

In the movie, though, this decision comes within the context of Luke's survivor's guilt. He feels guilty over Rob's death because he wasn't able to intervene and this guilt is reinforced by the other characters, most notably Dom and, later, Hutch. His decision to reject Moder, to fight back and refuse to kneel, represents not only his decision to move on from his grief and trauma but also the acknowledgement that despite what happened he still has worth and his life is still worth living. It also resolves his struggle with his inability to help (which plays a large role in his guilt), something that comes into play in all of the deaths in the movie even beyond Rob's. In Hutch's death Luke tried to find him but was unable to find him until it was far too late. In Phil's death he's initially paralyzed before running away, both in fear, in much the same way he did in Rob's death. In Dom's death he was able to take the necessary steps to help Dom (dislocating his thumb to get out of the restraints) but was ultimately too late and was forced to watch Dom die anyways. By recognizing that he still has worth and that is life is worth living, Luke is able to act in spite of his fear and make the decision not to allow his grief, pain, and trauma to consume him.

No discussion of Luke as a character is completely without also discussing how he interacts with the other characters and hoooo BOY did the movie really ratchet those interactions up a notch or ten. The interactions in the book were well written but they admittedly felt a little one note at times (though this is also probably somewhat due to me viewing book!Luke as not particularly likeable or sympathetic). By including Rob's death the movie adds a layer of complexity to the character interactions that I felt really wasn't there in the book and we get to see the interpersonal effects of traumatic loss. Luke may have been the only one to witness Rob's death but they're all grieving him, and we get to see how that (and how Luke's friends' perception of his role in Rob's death) impacts and strains their relationships. As I mentioned earlier, we see very clearly that Luke doesn't have any real support or understanding from his friends; Dom does little to hide the fact that he views Luke as directly responsible for what happened and while Hutch does initially attempt to provide support, it comes off as superficial and he later admits he isn't sure whether he blames Luke. Luke is very clearly struggling with what happened but can't turn to the people he would normally rely on for support, and his interactions with his friends often alienate him and further reinforce the guilt and blame he's grappling with rather than provide any source of comfort. This, again, makes the temptation to submit to Moder and join the cult, to give into his pain and grief and loss and let it consume him, that much more compelling and his choice to reject it that much more meaningful.

Overall, the movie's decision to add in Rob and his subsequent death and to change how the cult was portrayed was, in my opinion, a truly excellent one and helped move the movie from a story I would've enjoyed but shrugged off into legitimately one of my favourite movies of all time. It allowed for a more thematically and tonally consistent story and made both Luke and his character arc more sympathetic, compelling, and emotionally impactful. When it comes to adaptations I generally tend to enjoy the book more than the movie, but this is one of the few exceptions where I truly believe the movie significantly improved upon the book

[z-1-wolfe]

Parhelion Headcanons (sir this is all for you) @greenbeany

Putting 'em under the cut because they got very long O.O

I- the gnome is Neon I take no criticism. They are often good-natured souls with a more mischievous side, and if that doesn’t describe Neon I’m not sure what does. Playful, funny, good intentions, that my good Bean is our lovable cat personified. Okay Parhelion dnd au with gnome Neon please /j.

I AM SMACKING THE GUN OUT OF YOUR HANDS [runs into a glass wall] dammit,, guess I gotta talk now

I- oh no,, time to fail the exam I guess (turns all your head canons upside down)

Okay they do sleep yes they do. Actually that’s a lie only Ciel sleeps, the other two are insomniacs. Ciel has all of her day to day life planned out to the minute, so she heads to bed at a certain time and wakes up at a certain time, the other two are more of a “we’ll sleep when we’re tired” kinda duo. Unfortunately due to Ilia’s night terrors and Neon’s ADHD they almost never rest. No they do not sleep in a SANE bed, ha why would they have a bed? They sleep in a hammock all tangled up with each other. It’s hard to tell what order they sleep in when they kinda curl into each other. They do not use a duvet, why have a duvet when Neon is a space heater? There are no pillows on the hammock X). OKAY THEIR ROOM, THIS I GOT, it’s a funky mess that is somehow organized thanks to Ciel. Ilia doesn’t own a lot in general but it was her life’s dream to paint her bedroom rainbow so guess what they have now. The other two are too soft and they supported her efforts and they love her despite her poor design sense XD.

I- why closet ASDFG I mean— No they do not share a closet they all have completely different fashion sense and if that was all in one place people would be genuinely terrified. But since they’re broke they had to make do with one walk in closet that they partitioned off into sections. YES THEY DO HAVE MATCHING OUTFITS THEY ARE SO CUTE LIKE THAT. They tend to be like those cute couple outfits with a few variations to match their own personal style. But their favorite matching outfit are these duck hoodies they own courtesy of once again Ilia living out her childhood dreams. No they don’t own many outfits because like I mentioned earlier they are broke x). Hmm thinking about each other’s styles… Ilia think both of her girlfriends have great taste, she loves the well, neon of Neon, and the prim and properness of Ciel. Neon just doesn’t care XD. And Ciel is just, she’s just standing there wishing she could help their fashion sense, but she holds back because “It does suit them in an odd way.” Ciel gets the most compliments on her style hands down, she looks organized and you can bet she saves money to buy outfits that actually accentuate her cuteness. They don’t wear makeup no time for that (in which you learn Z has little to no knowledge in how to apply makeup and doesn’t know how to answer that question)

OH OKAY I LOVE VIDDY GAMES. Ciel likes real-time strategy games because she’s insane and that’s literally all she knows in life thanks to being raised in an upper class family in Atlas. Neon likes open world games, something something she likes the chance for adventure and determining one’s fate for themself. Ilia has never once played a video game until after she defected from the White Fang but I can see her playing something light like Stardew Valley, low stakes kinda games. Hmm, they might play Animal Crossing together? Since it has aspects they all enjoy. They each have an individual switch (Ilia has a coral switch lite) and one shared PC. Okay game with most hours, maybe Minecraft? They still haven’t beat the enderdragon because Neon keeps getting distracted XD. Neon is the bomb at party games though, you can bet she has a perfect score on all the songs in Just Dance. Ciel is a sharpshooter, god knows who taught her how to shoot like that. The biggest splatoon fan is unfortunately not Neon it is Ilia, she loves all the colors in the game ^^. But she and Neon have wracked up quite a few hours in co-op.

Uhhh books!! Ilia likes fanfics :) it’s unfortunately one of the only ways for her to see positive representation of herself. Neon for some reason reads Epics?? Like her favorite is the Epic of Gilgamesh what is up with that?? Ciel reads webtoons :), she reads enough serious stuff for school work and such, she likes to just kick back and relax after all that. Yes they have schedules reading time courtesy of Ciel :). Uhh, they relax by baking together. None of them had many chances to indulge in sweets while growing up so they make full use of their time now. ?? SPOON?? Cuddle hours happen on a whim, the one thing that Ciel can never schedule because she never knows when it’ll occur. They relax the most in the kitchen x) because that’s where they bake, it’s not unusual to find Neon asleep on the counter while she waits for their sweets to rise. They read in the light, Neon is afraid that by reading in the dark that they’ll all ruin their eyesight. Ciel likes the sunrise because she’s up the earliest and is the only one to see it, the other two prefer sunset because that’s usually when their day is about to begin XD.

Favorite spot for dates! The park ^^, they like to go on picnic dates with all their baked goods. There is no plan, usually one of them will randomly pull the other two out of the house because they haven’t touched grass in a while XD. There are no ideas, they share one braincell and they spend too much time doting on each other to use it. Uhm favorite movie genre,,, they like comedy movies :). Their favorite place to eat is this tiny store on the corner of their street that makes mean gyros, they heccin’ love them. Coping with horror, Ilia is desensitized to horror because of the things she’s seen in life, Neon treats it like a game because she knows it’s not real, Ciel, is okay with it, but she gets shook more easily than the other two and they often have to reassure her. No they do not like theme parks, there are too many people around for Ilia and Ciel and Neon respects their boundaries so they tend to go to more quiet places. Uhm heights, Ciel is used to heights because she’s friends with Penny and woah can that girl toss her in the air like she’s a couple of grapes. Ilia doesn’t mind heights but she would prefer to have her feet on the ground. Neon loves the ground so damn much if it leaves her she will cry because man she can’t roller-skate in the air can she, what will she do if the ground is suddenly gone? They like evening dates because it’s normally the only time all three of them are awake enough for it XD. They end a night by sleeping I am not quite sure if there are other ways to end it lmao. They absolutely despise Neon’s roller skating dates but they love how excited she gets about them so they end up becoming as good as professional roller skaters because the smile on Neon’s face when they join her is dazzling.

I am slowly going insane. Yes each girl has a hobby I sure hope they do. Ilia knits, Ciel paints, and Neon writes. I would like to imagine that Ciel would try to schedule time for their hobbies she ends up giving up because all their sleep schedules are wack. Designated chef is Neon (probably made food for FNKI back in atlas), designated driver is Ilia (I mean I like to imagine she stole cars and stuff in the White Fang XD), designated decorator for stuff is normally Ciel though Neon does try to hijack a few of her plans occasionally, designated shopper is Ciel because the other two have no concept of Saving money, and they all work together to clean :). They don’t work together, they believe in keeping their work life and home life separate to prevent their feelings from getting in the way. They do not have pets, none of them have the energy or responsibility to do that, but Ilia did once bring a moose home one day for some reason.

I am nomming on your arm sir. Ilia and Neon get along with Penny surprisingly well, though I do think Ilia would get along with Weiss better? Ruby and Weiss look at Ciel and see a beacon arc Weiss and more or less adopt her despite Ciel being older than the two of them. They might like.. play board games together? Like some of those more team based board games I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, may the best polycule win. I cannot see them in a cuddle puddle to be honest ajcnjsanjs I am so sorry— hmm Ruby and Neon do not know the meaning of formal, as far as they are concerned these are their girlfriend’s friends and that means that by extension these are their friends. Weiss would like nothing to do with Neon after Neon insults Yang during the Vytal festival but she begrudgingly goes on outings with her and hey, now they’re make up buddies for some reason. The parhelion gals take the fs gals to the gyro place they like :). Parhelion gang Is a lot more vocal on their dates because their love language happens to be words of affirmation while the fs gang’s happen to be physical touch. Both polycules are very very affectionate though I will die on this hill.

DARN IT TUMBLR ONLY LETS ME HAVE 10 IMAGES PER POST THIS IS FINE IT WAS JUST ONE MORE PROMPT DARN IT

(Parhelion angst! How do Neon and Ciel react to the news about the dust mine? How do they find out about Ilia getting expelled? Do they find out about the white fang? Is there any faunus stigma afterwards? How does Ciel react to people bullying her Faunus GFS? Does Neon talk to Ciel much after? Do they ever reunite? Does Neon attempt to help Ciel while she grieves Penny? Where the fuck is Ciel now? Is Neon still alive? Does Ilia ever think about them? Does Blake know about them from Ilia?)

BUDDY I CAME TO THE LAST ASK AND NOW ONLY DID I REALIZE YOU MEANT PARHELION BACK WHEN THEY WHERE IN BEACON THIS WHOLE TIME I’M CRYING. (This ask is answered under the assumption that they are already dating back in Atlas Academy) Ciel is fiercely protective of her girlfriends, though people only know that Neon is a Faunus because Ilia masks her traits during her time at the academy. Neon and Ciel are horrified about the news about the dust mines. They know that Ilia is a Faunus and that her parents were working there so they rush to see her as soon as possible. But they’re too late,,, Ilia’s already been expelled for attacking her fellow students. They don’t hear from Ilia for a few years after that and the two slowly drift apart, each blaming the other for not getting to Ilia soon enough. They don’t find out about the White Fang until they reunite with Ilia unfortunately, but they feel sad that Ilia had felt that they only way for her to get revenge for her parents was by joining a militant group (I’m working under the assumption that Sienna only took control of the White Fang shortly before Ilia joined). When Neon learns that Penny didn’t make it after the Fall of Beacon she hesitantly reaches out to Ciel for the first time in a year, and she does try to help. But for Ciel it’s blow after heccin’ blow and she pushes Neon away in a rage. Ciel leaves the Academy after that and goes rogue, working as a huntsman without a license for the poorer parts of remnant. Ilia is unaware of all this drama during the Beacon arc. The next time she hears of any news is during the Fall of Atlas, and she’s scared, scared because she’s still recovering and she just heard Ruby announce to the world that Remnant is under attack, and oh my gosh her ex girlfriends live in Atlas. Neon makes it out alive, though not entirely in one piece, she now has a prosthetic leg. Ilia is the first person to see her, it’s a tearful reunion and they haven’t fully made up yet, but hey it’s a work in progress, now they just have to find out where Ciel is, but when they do they’ll BOTH be there to greet her. Blake has no idea who the fuck Ciel and Neon are lmao, Ilia never told her anything about her past romances when she was in the White Fang.

Oh gosh I think that's it-- And that is it thank you for listening to me ramble about Parhelion you get a juice box for making it this far. Sir I am sincerely sorry for turning your ship upside down please forgive me.

[flowerflamestars]

Main Issues with Feysand's leadership: it mostly consists on rather inmature, underdeveloped strategy that would in no way get a world leader very far in the real world (see: 'i schooled my face into a look of boredom'), seem content in making enemies left to right as long as they never have to step down from the pedestal that they've built, and see Illyria as a necessary evil, like wtf. In conclusion, Rhysand is a governor for Velaris, but is not fit to be the ruler of the Night Court.

Rounding caveat, because I know I’m going to get shouty: the dividing line between ToG and ACOTAR is that tog is a fantasy series with romance, and acotar is a romance series in a fantasy world. They’re not the same. I’d be totally fine with how the world building in acotar is v handywavy, because it’s still accomplishing what the books set out to do (tell a love story, hello acomaf) but- BUT, it’s not consistent. And that inconsistency wildly undermines the characters.

And god, if Rhysand as a ruler isn’t the heart of ???? spirit.

We’re not going to talk about how the plot of acotar only makes sense backwards (Hey, Rhys, why did you want to kidnap every month a powerless mortal girl???), we’re just going to talk about reputation.

So Rhys is a villain who we learn isn’t actually evil. A classic. He was made to do terrible things by Amarantha! He sacrificed himself to save his friends! Of course the High Lords hate him, they think he sided with the enemy.

That could have been the whole thing- the layers pulled back, Rhysand also a victim, a reason for the world to hate him but for Feyre to see otherwise.

OKAY BUT- then we learn? that Rhysand has been playing Evil Scary Jackass in all political situations? for his entire reign? that’s just what he does?

Round two: Rhys had to be Amarantha’s because he had to “shield the knowledge” of his friends and his capitol? city. 

BUT- other people Under the Mountain, also accessible to Amarantha, know the IC??? have been acquainted with them for years? They’re not a secret. Mor was almost married out, Az and Cas are legendary, Amren is a story people tell. 

And all those people are probably incentivized by the fact that, you know, they think Rhysand is an evil traitor.

Furthermore: guess who willing cooperated with Amarantha? The Court of Nightmares. Recall who, surprise in acowar, knows all about Velaris: Keir.

Round three: Sexy Evil Cosplay, wherein we learn that not only instead of just keeping it together in politics Rhys has adopted an entire secondary persona, we learn he also...uses this persona...to scare all the other highborn faeries into submission....so he? never has to talk to them?

BUT ALSO: this whole thing is undermined by, once more, Keir. 

The whole game on the throne is to instill fear/ control of Keir. The whole Second Face. But Keir knows about Velaris? Keir knows exactly what Rhys stands for because Rhys and Cassian tried to rescue Morrigan from the Court of Nightmares when they were teens. Hell, Keir probably knew Rhys when Rhys was a kid.

It’s almost like eventually the person you pretend to be becomes who you are.

I think the Political Rhys vs Real Rhys started out as a plot point, but in character became this: not someone separate at all, but actually, Rhysand’s coping mechanism for making shitty choices.

See: if everyone in the Court of Nightmares bows, I’m ruling them. It doesn’t matter that women are being sold, that there’s servants and presumably totally normal people trapped in a mountain they can’t leave with people I think are monsters.

Let’s jump to Illyria. 

How much easier is it, for Rhysand, half-Illyrian himself, to align wholly with the High Fae and say: no, it’s Illyria’s fault. They’re savages, they’re barbarians. 

Easy as being a dick to other powerful men because it’s fun when they can’t fight back.

If the blame isn’t his, he keeps his army. He doesn’t have to fight a civil war that might swallow him whole, considering Illyria is the army he controls vs the High Fae soldiers left entirely under Keir’s rule. 

If it’s Illyria’s fault he can successfully reimagine the past as he clearly needs to (someday, I’ll make a whole ass post about Rhysand’s mommy issues and how they creepily bleed into Feyre’s characterization, but one thing at a time).

If it’s Illyria’s fault, he can’t be mad about his Mother, daughter of a warrior race, offering him up for brutal, dangerous training. It’s the fault of Illyria. He doesn’t have to imagine he was learning those things, fighting in the mud, because it was the only way his mother could pass the legacy, could say, look, this is where I come from and someday you will have the power to make it better for your sister, for everyone.

He LOVED his mother. He wears the sacred tattoos, manifests wings, has Illyrian “brothers”.

But- It’s Illyria’s fault, so Rhys didn’t fail, Rhys is doing his duty by keeping them in line. 

Which brings us to the war.

I’m unclear on why only the Night Court knew Hybern was coming, but let’s just accept that. 

But it’s all about the Public Face, moving in the shadows, the two Rhysands. So for the months Feyre is wasting away with Tamlin, planning her wedding Rhys...doesn’t warn anyone. Doesn’t whisper to the other High Lords to shore up defenses.

He makes a plan contingent on 1)that creepy deal with Feyre that he can now both justify and doesn’t want to enforce knowing she’s his mate, and 2) long lost magical objects no one knows the location of, and that don’t belong to him.

Rhys got SO used to the All-Knowing Dickbag face, it’s like he started believing he was all knowing. He’s one of seven Lords, but he doesn’t talk to any of them, on the off chance they don’t do exactly as he says. He steals from Tarquin, a young High Lord kind enough to take a chance on him. He tricks Mor. He lies to...everyone?

And then it’s a big deal, a failure on their part, when at the FINAL HOUR AND LAST MOMENT BEFORE ALL OUT WAR, AFTER THE SECOND INVASION HAS ALREADY COMMENCED, when the High Lords don’t jump to trust Rhys.

A step back, a Feyre tangent: Feyre, younger, also deeply traumatized, falls into this hard. Rhys tells her he’s the underdog, and she believes it. He’s SO SO SO powerful he can take the voice of another High Lord, Feyre herself thinks he’s so magical the gap between him and his contemporaries is like that between humans and high fae-

But hey wait, they don’t trust him because he’s been a dick for five hundred years. 

But hey wait, they came as their true selves, they don’t trust him while he’s WEARING ILLYRIAN WINGS- IT’S BECAUSE HE’S DIFFERENT-

No, it is not, but Feyre’s POV sort of wants us to think so.

And that’s where everything sort of falls apart.

The act of power has stopped being an act- it’s just their actions now. And they do not know how to stop.

Because they are in control, and they have to go on for the war. They have to keep making decisions, even if they’ve lost the thread, because they want to survive.

But they do survive.

And it turns out, even after that, they can’t put down the masks fused to their faces, because the act is the only thing keeping them together.

So the balls to the wall, We Must have the High Ground Even at Our Own Dinner Parties, The Center MUST Hold shit just keeps going: tearing down Lucien because he chose something that wasn’t their Court. Letting Illyria crumble because they don’t need the army right now. Banishing Nesta because she’ll never bow to authority.

All the weird, incestuous feeling inter IC drama.

But they’re the underdogs! the Heroes! It’s not their fault! 

So they spend their time in Velaris, charmingly hanging out like they’re normal people, thinking they’re better because power is wielded on an unimaginable personal scale.

Rhys loves his people! Rhys sacrificed!

Rhys...careened from one war/disaster to the next, and then settled down to play house?

The narrative cannot decide: is Rhys really an underdog, devoted to his people? How about he helps every other city that Amarantha destroyed?

Is Rhys a Normal Guy who just wants to walk on pretty cobblestone and have a cute, happy family? Maybe, there should be a government so he isn’t solely responsible for everything?

Is Rhys the Lord of Darkness Redeemed by LOVE?  Cool, let’s have him maybe he honest with Feyre exactly once, OR, at least talk about how him dying made her go off the rails and try to fix that with a bandage that isn’t baby shaped before Feyre’s 22nd birthday. 

Canonically, becoming High Lord is a mystical, magical endowment. That then, for the most part, functions as some kind of mashup Monarchy/ Feudal Lordship.

If that’s what it is, why can’t we lean into that? Rhys who does want a normal happy life with Feyre, trapped by the weight of immovable magic destiny.

King Rhys, duty bound to his bloodline and his people, torn between different ways to rule. 

Hell, Rhysand who really is a monster, because maybe Faeries are monstrous by human standards, who shows Feyre the beauty that lies beneath the brutality in a magic, surreal world where everyone is terrifying, but even monsters love.

[nymsonlinecottage]

Can you tell me who your ship Reggie with? I’m very curious *sheepishly presses my fingers togather* and your Headcanon’s for said ship. Pretty please? Thank you in advance!

sooo, I actually sorta stopped shipping Reggie with anyone romantically (at least for now)? BUT I do have a bunch of platonic ships for him and I'd be happy to write down some headcanons for those!

after playing at the Orpheum, Carlos officially met Alex, Reggie, and Luke (he couldn't see or hear them but they found other ways to communicate)

Reggie immediately took to Carlos, seeing him as a younger brother/apprentice

he helps Carlos with homework as best he can when Julie or Ray aren't home, even though he isn't very good at it himself

Carlos once made a B and the first person he rushed to tell after school was Reggie

Reggie really likes having the little dude around because it's nice to be able to treat someone else like a little brother for a change since Alex has always seen Reggie like a brother

granted, Alex is less of the protective kind of brother and more of the "Dear God, Why Do I Go Out With You In Public?" kind of brother

when they were alive, Reggie would get hurt a lot and Alex was always the person who would get out the first aid kit and be like, "why would you do that, I told you that you would get hurt, you dumb-dumb, for fucks sake-"

Reggie's parents fought a lot and some nights they would yell really loudly, so Reggie would sneak out and to go Alex's house for the night

it would be somewhere around two a.m. but Reggie knew it was fine because Alex always left his bedroom window unlocked for Reggie to climb through

Alex would always ask, "do you wanna talk about it?" and Reggie would always say, "not right now," so Alex would just make room for Reggie on his bed and they'd both fall asleep again

(can you hear me crying?)

Luke is Reggie's pal. his friend. his bro. his buddy. his partner in crime

they met when they both got detention in 9th grade for separate but equally stupid reasons and have been friends ever since

their relationship is just every unproblematic Me and the Boys meme there is

before they died, they would have competitions to see who would try the weirdest food combination or who could chug their rootbeer faster

Alex and Bobby did not have fun trying to reign those two in, and Alex and Julie do not have fun trying to reign those two in, I can tell you that right now

they're gay for each other in a platonic way (although they're both queer)

Luke will ask Reggie who his best friend is and Reggie will grin and say, "Ray"

because, look, Ray and Reggie have this unbreakable bond and, no, it doesn't matter if Ray doesn't know Reggie exists

sometimes Ray will play music while he cooks dinner so Reggie will join in on his mini cooking dance party

he's sort of like the dad Reggie never had because his biological father was always too busy working or fighting with Reggie's mom to spend time with his kids

Reggie has thought a lot about revealing himself to Ray so they can actually get to know each other, but he knows that could cause so many problems for him, the band, and especially Julie

and he has already made a silent promise that he will protect Julie at all costs

at first, Julie and Reggie didn't have much of a friendship going on, but then they got to know each other better and Julie felt more comfortable being her normal, goofy self around him

they jam to country music a lot, especially old Taylor Swift and Lil Nas X

honestly, the only word that can really describe their relationship is "bandmates"

they have an unbreakable bond that's so close to feeling familial, but it's just distant enough to where it's not quite there (however, that doesn't lessen their friendship any bit)

Julie will often times let Reggie come with her to a store or something because he wants to see more of how the world has changed and she's more then happy to show him

and she'll talk to him about her mom when Flynn or Luke or busy because he's surprisingly good at advice, whether he realizes it or not

Reggie is also a tremendously good listener, so Julie will reminisce a lot with him about her mom when she just needs to ramble about the good times

Julie taught Reggie about coping mechanisms for trauma (because he's definitely traumatized) since Reggie never really knew how to handle himself and, no offence to Luke and Alex, but they aren't the easiest people to ask for help sometimes

I'm not sure how to end this, but yeah. sorry this isn't really what you asked for!

[whetstonefires]

Hi Whetstonefire. I have a question about the comic where Nightwing cheats on Starfire with Barbara: What happens directly after that? Does Starfire find out that Nightwing cheated on her? And, if so, how does she react? I've read online that (according to Marv Wolfman) Starfire is the opposite of everything Batman taught Nightwing to be and that Batman taught Nightwing to be repressed and cold. What did Nightwing contribute (emotionally) to the relationship between him and Starfire? (Cont.)

(Cont.) From what I can tell, from online, Nightwing was adamant about standards of mercy and monogamy - how do you think, if Starfire were to be written as her own character and not written around Nightwing and his emotional needs, she would handle and react to that? (This bit is an FYI for other readers: this is just speculation, not hate. Sorry about that.) Sorry about the questions! Have a nice day! 

Okay there are so many separate questions packed in here! I may miss some of them lol and I do not want to put in the hours it would take to produce an orderly response to all this, so this post is going to be a mess.

Initial query and important point: the cheating story was out of continuity. Like, literally, not just by ‘being rejected by the fanbase,’ it was just this weird retcon oneshot that seems to have been some sort of fuck-you to Nightwing or his fans or something. So no, it had no in-setting fallout lol. It, in more ways than most comics, didn't exactly happen.

It was just this weird thing where Dick hooks up with Babs before giving her a wedding invitation, which is both out of character for him in general and out of step with where he was leading up to the wedding--he was desperate to get married so they could have some Normal Stable Adulthood Happiness; the choice to recharacterize him as a fuckboy who regards it as a loss of freedom isn’t congruent, on much more than the level of principle.

As far as how Kori would feel about it, if she had learned...that is very hard to say. Apart from how it would require her to reinterpret everything about where their relationship stood at that point, the data is very unclear, and I don’t even have all of it. Gonna back up to cover some of the rest of the ask, get some context here.

So this actually brings up two of my biggest gripes with Wolfman’s NTT--weird Kori characterization and the weirdly negative interpretation of Batman as parent that backwashed heavily into other titles and influenced the character for the worse, in ways we're very much still dealing with today. 😩

The latter is pretty self-explanatory, though Wolfman’s take that the main thing Bruce taught Dick was repression does shed light on some writing choices and make others funnier. But Kori. Oh my lands.

So, item one, I wouldn't say that Kori is overall opposite Bruce, or even of his philosophy? There are just some very major points of opposition. She isn’t emotionally buttoned-down like at all, especially about positive feelings, although considered realistically with all the bullshit they’ve piled into her backstory she absolutely leans on repression to cope and stay positive, which makes her a lot like Dick actually.

To an extent, she was clearly written around foiling Dick’s Batman-derived traits in the same way that Robin was written to foil Batman, bright and glad and aerial. A Flamebird to his Nightwing in theme if not in name.

You could do some interesting stuff with that, and the bildungsroman aspects of this period of Dick’s life, like he has two roads forward in terms of how he’s going to define ‘adulthood’--does it necessarily require becoming more like his mentor-father, for good and ill, or can he make Kori in part a destination, as it were, and create an adult self that is derived from who he has always been as well as the man he’s modeled himself after?

To an extent I think this even was one of the things going on in ntt but like. Only a little bit.

(Given how much like Bruce Babs is in most of the ways Kori isn’t, especially once she’s Oracle, you could make a case for her as love interest being like. Symbolic of his not being in a rebellious phase? That gets weird and oedipal really fast tho lol.)

Okay stepping down one meta level lol, the thing about answering the 'what would kori' question here is that her character is deeply bound up in her culture, about which we are told and shown a great many contradictory things. Any attempt to read her as an independent character has to tackle not only the gender stuff you allude to and these inconsistencies, but how much of the sheer mess of her is rooted in racism.

'Fantastic' racism, technically, because Tamaraneans aren't real, but the 'taming the savage' narrative that kept surfacing between them and the language used in reference to it is just. The existing racism of presumably the writers, placed in Dick's mouth, and it's super gross. I hate it so much.

(I had a faint hope when they cast her for live action it was with a deliberate intent to directly tackle and better that history, but lollllllll nah. At least they didn’t double down in it tho! Can you imagine, with a black actress, in this day and age....)

So to predict and comprehend Kori, you have to make a lot of calls about Tamaran as a civilization. I like to slightly privilege stuff established earlier if there's no good reason not to, so while much is made over time of her inappropriate rage and the violence she was raised to normalize, I think what she says in her first appearance is good to keep in mind: in her culture, kindness is for friends and cruelty is for enemies. She doesn't understand why the Titans seem to have this backwards.

Kori is not a merciless person. She’s very empathetic, as a rule. With people she loves, she is self-destructively forgiving. That's not a trait only Dick benefits from--her family keeps betraying her in new exciting ways, and she keeps letting them.

Her arc of growing away from that habit is however greatly crippled by centering Dick in the narrative and by the awful 'civilizing' overtones that keep coming into it. When she comes back after the 1986 breakup, still married to Karras, she brings with her a commitment to doing things the Earth way--to eschew lethal force as more than a compromise with her friends’ values, but as a deliberate choice.

This deserved a lot more space and time than it got, and the fact that it didn’t get it is only somewhat due to her being subordinated to Dick and to general writing fail; a lot of it’s just the team book problems of everything happening to everybody all at once.

I mean, Dick’s journey later on to deciding he loves her enough to date her even though she’s married and it’s technically against his principles was packed into this absolutely heinous issue where he was inspired by a woman refusing to separate from her husband who’d just threatened to kill her and their kid with a knife, until being stopped by Nightwing. Because he’s apologizing for what he did.

This is his inspiration for accepting Kori’s marital status! It’s supposed to be heartwarming, as far as I can tell! Not heavyhanded messaging that this is a self-destructive terrible choice in which Kori will inevitably harm him somehow! This issue is pro ‘consensual open relationships under certain circumstances’ and also ‘giving abusers another chance’ as expressions of love. Welcome to the 80s ig.

(Notable is that the wife in this issue was black and the husband and son both looked very white, so it’s probably her stepkid and she probably wouldn’t get to keep him if they separated; this is not even vaguely treated as a factor.)

Point is, everyone was getting too little space to actually go through the amount of development they were getting, and it was clumsily handled; it’s not just her.

In an overlapping period Gar processed his issues with his adoptive father with whom he constantly fought and their shared trauma over the rest of their family (the Doom Patrol) having died violently not long ago via a batshit several-issue storyline where Mento went crazy, created supermutants, and abusively mind-controlled them to attack the Titans. It is literally all like this.

Back to the infidelity thing, now. So much to unpack. So like I mentioned above, their first big breakup, while partially driven by Dick’s existing conflicted feelings about their different ideas about things like ‘killing in battle’ and ‘her identity and loyalties being tied up with her home planet,’ is explicitly over different takes on monogamy.

When Dick is breaking up with her, Kori makes it clear she thinks it’s totally reasonable to have both a husband and a love, since Karras also has someone he loves and they’re both fine with it, but the story doesn't really explain how nonmonogamy works on Tamaran, or even if it's practiced outside the context of political marriage. They do do a sort of...soulbond fusion dance...thing, as part of the ceremony, so marriage is definitely serious business. There are so many levels of cultural difference that get poor to no development.

But to return to the weird ooc retcon cheating story: because of this context, no matter what her personal norms are, Dick specifically casually sleeping with someone else would be something for Kori to be mad about, because of the hypocrisy.

Then there’s the Mirage Incident, which I haven’t read through properly and which was very poorly handled by the writers. Kori is upset about Dick having slept with someone impersonating her and there’s a general vibe of this being treated by Dick’s social circle as unfaithfulness even though he was in fact sexually violated by deceit; it famously sucks.

We still don’t learn a lot here about Kori’s ideas about monogamy, from what I have seen, because her focus is mostly on feeling like Dick doesn’t care about her enough or in the right way since he couldn’t tell the difference. Which is an understandable feeling, even if it’s not an appropriate reaction to have at him at this time.

What Nightwing contributed emotionally........hm. This is a mess, honestly; he was all over the map, and not just because of having Brother Blood in his head. I cannot speak definitively on this, it’s too inconsistent.

For most of their relationship, Kori was the more intensely invested one, the one to initiate and the one who was shown at length to be excited to come home at the end of the day to their shared apartment because her boyfriend was there to see and talk to. If we set aside his more egregious white male bullshit, Dick was pretty emotionally available most of the time, though? They were cute.

Since they split up a lot of ink has been spilled making him less into her in retrospect, but he was pretty invested--leaving her coincided with mental breakdowns both times, and it wasn’t even mostly because she was doing his emotional processing for him, because she wasn’t, although it’s fair to say he often fell into using the relationship as an emotional crutch. Kori was definitely doing the same thing though so...it wasn’t the most balanced relationship in fiction history, but apart from slight codependency and the racism, it was decent enough.

She gets more evenhanded development than most superhero love interests, honestly, because she was costarring in a team book. She had her own storylines. She had other friends.

Mostly both of them just needed some space to finish growing up and stop being retraumatized long enough to process some of the existing trauma better, and I think they could have gone on being good for each other for a long time.

[veryvincible]

Hoi! Do you think Ty was always jealous of Tony? Like do you their friendship was genuine in the beginning.. I know they were always in competition but is it the fact that Tony was always winning or other reasons that made ty develop his maniac side?

I have multiple answers for this, only one of them is following what canon gives us to a T, and the canon answer is the one I dislike and tend to throw out the most.

So, keep in mind that this will be laden with personal reinterpretations of canon and kind of.. I don’t know, supplementary opinions(?) that don’t necessarily contradict canon, but are viewing canon events and canon dialogue as things other than what they were intended to be in the story.

Here’s the canon answer: Yes. Ty was always jealous of Tony, and their friendship was never genuine-- he was a long-con Indries type who happened to start forming plans to ruin Tony’s life forever while they were both, uh... children, and once he reached the Age Where He Thought Murder Would Be Cool, he killed his parents to take their money and fucked off to Europe (after gaining Tony’s pity for the whole “parent death” thing, which he framed as Not Murder, as people tend to do after they murder people) to make a fortune and get richer than Tony.

This is all we really get in terms of flashbacks, but you can see how Tony interpreted their friendship pre-Ty villain reveal, where they seem to be having... a normal range of emotions? I mean, Ty doesn’t look very happy about being Slightly Less Fast than Tony, but he’s content to hang out, so. You know.

Anyway, all of the Vol. 3 stuff happens, and we get a lot of information revealed that turns out to be untrue, in sort of this order, if I’m remembering correctly:

Tony thinks Ty’s setting him up, Ty’s like, “No, I would never do that, I love you!”, Donahue’s like, “For sure, he would do that, and also he’s trying to kill me, and I think this is also the bit of dialogue where I say that his parents killed himself, so the reason he’s after you (Tony) is because your father made his father less successful which led to their deaths,” and Tony’s like, “Oh, shit!” and Tony goes to confront Ty, and Ty’s like, “That’s actually incorrect! I killed them for money! And I will kill you, also, for money!”

And Ty doesn’t succeed in killing Tony in the first Dreamvision battle, so he preps for another Dreamvision battle, wherein he regroups and goes, “Actually, you know what? I’m going to fuck up, like, the entire world, and it would be cool if you could rule by my side and we could be besties.”

And Tony’s like, “No, what the fuck?”

And Ty’s like, “Damn!” and they try to kill each other again, except Tony realizes this time that everything’s gone wrong for Ty and (I believe) Ty’s spent, like, every last cent he owns on his world-conquering technology. So Tony points out that Ty’s trying to get Tony to kill him, and... I don’t remember what Ty says, but it’s probably nothing, or “shut up,” or something to that affect. And they continue to fight, and Tony wins, because of course he does.

And then we get a lot of Ty going, “Nooo, don’t leave me, you’re too sexy,” and then Tony leaves Ty.

So, it’s my understanding that the Actual True Series Of Events canon wants you to believe is: Ty was jealous from the start and pretended to be Tony’s friend for... like, a while (Tony has a lot of educational history-- no lines are clean here). Ty only got more jealous as time went on, and at some point figured that drastic measures were acceptable for... some reason. Maybe he was just That Kind Of Guy. Ty killed his parents for money, left to get rich, came back to... kill Tony now, for some reason, and then the the final fight stuff went down and Ty was abandoned in Dreamvision.

I don’t necessarily know that Tony was winning their competitions all the time. We only really get one instance of a clear “win” on Tony’s part, unless you consider that Ty wanted to be prom king, which is... fair. Regardless, Ty’s clearly not okay with “ties” in competitions, so. You know.

That’s them.

And that’s fine.

Cutting here for length, and also because this is where it gets opinion heavy and I think leaving the separation might be good here:

Like, I don’t hate it as a story, and given how inconsequential a character Ty really is-- especially for a “childhood friend” character-- I don’t really mind that all he is is... evil? Even if we go by the drawing of them as kids alone, they’re still... pre-college age teenagers at least, and probably younger, since both of them are clearly advanced students. So, given that he’s a pre-pre-college aged teenager, and he started on this plot of jealousy that lasted... I don’t know, roughly a decade, or over a decade, or something? Canon Ty Stone is nothing but bad, and all his redeemable qualities only really exist in the minds of other people.

It’s not the worst, but it’s also not the best utilization of the facts and the inconsistencies they presented, in my opinion. Which isn’t to say my interpretation is the best, but I personally prefer it to canon, because... I tailored it to my interests specifically, so. Take what you will from that.

So, here’s my less-canon/non-canon answer:

I don’t think the canonical “inconsistencies” in the story are necessarily a bad thing. I think the fact that the story wavers actually creates... kind of a better story. There are a lot of informants Tony crosses paths with, some of whom are kind of garbage people, and Ty himself flip-flops between, “Tony, we’re besties, stick with me” and “Actually, I’m literally going to murder the shit out of you.”

And I think considering the implications of those details just makes things, uh. Cooler? More realistic? More relatable? I don’t know.

Anyway.

I think both of the things you asked are true: I think Ty was always jealous of Tony, and I think their friendship was, at one point, genuine.

In order to make everything tie together neatly, we have to assume that Ty’s undergone some kind of mental stress or feeling of insecurity that’s made him incapable of letting anyone be better than him, which is... not difficult, because we see this often in kids both traumatized and not-technically-traumatized, and it really boils down to their sense of self. If a kid’s not being praised enough, if their natural talents are neglected, if their passions are put down, if they think their parents like other kids better... you know. They don’t like it, and for good reason.

The good thing about this little theory is that it’s plausible for any child, as this is one of the most common mistakes that parents make. There’s a lot of insecurity in younger people in general, and you could feasibly get a similar story of relentless jealousy from a good number of... random middle/high school friend groups.

The better thing about this little theory is that it doesn’t actually have to be that common, because we already have one canon event that’s been determined to leave some children with a sense of isolation, abandonment, and insecurity; Ty was sent to boarding school.

So, there’s Ty, abandoned by his parents (whether they were well-intentioned in this or not-- I tend to assume it’s the latter for the sake of my own writing and what I find narratively satisfying, but you could also realistically assume they weren’t awful and still end up with a similar outcome), and lonely in boarding school.

Now, of course, children have their innate personalities and will tend to respond to the same thing in different ways. So, we can say that Tony, a sensitive kid, only grew more vulnerable (if distant) in boarding school. And we can say that Ty, someone whose initial personality traits we don’t actually know, might have gone... the opposite way, deciding instead to build some walls and find some semblance of control to cope.

And those kinds of kids sometimes attract each other, because they happen to be morphed into not-so-healthy puzzle pieces that click neatly together, neither of them having to adjust the coping mechanisms they’ve adopted in order to form a friendship.

Essentially, I think boarding school and neglect could have affected them both, fucked them both up, and warped them into perfect fits (in an awful way) for each other. They didn’t have to be healthy to be together; in fact, any semblance of healthiness probably would have been stamped down. We’re not actually shown that Ty was anything but pleasant over the long span of their friendship, and I think canon wants us to believe that he, as a child, was... already acting? In order to tear Tony apart? But I don’t love that, again because it’s not narratively satisfying to me.

I think Ty was probably already volatile as a kid, and he only grew more volatile as an adult. I think he got worse at regulating his emotions and his jealousy and better at lying about it. I think Tony’s parents died, Tony inherited his company, and Ty needed the same jump forward in order to match his status. I think Ty really, genuinely couldn’t decide whether he wanted Tony submissive by his side or dead, and I don’t think Ty ever really made a decision there.

In my opinion, the entirety of Ty and Tony is most interesting when you consider it a story of two emotionally damaged children going in opposite directions psychologically, Tony ultimately taking steps to better himself and be kind to others despite his insecurity and Ty always feeling threatened by it. “I’m never going to be enough” is a motivator for Tony, something to be challenged, and it’s something that infuriates Ty-- there’s this understanding throughout the entirety of the arcs that Ty wants nothing but praise and control and, well, Tony himself. He wants to be the hero, he wants to be looked up to, he wants to be empathized with, and... he’s never gotten it. Sure, it may have started off as something akin to parental neglect, but it ended with Ty being enough of a callous, walled-off dick that no one really wanted to make the effort to save him-- not even Tony, who was so pushed away by the sudden reveal of Ty’s violent lashing out that the only thing he could offer in the end was the basic courtesy he offers to almost every other unfortunate human being he crosses paths with, which was... uh, not killing him.

And it remains to be seen (I guess not, given that they’re never going to bring Real Ty back or explain what happened there) whether or not that was better for anyone.

Again, this is the Opinion part of the post, so here is my Opinion. I think Ty did care for Tony in a purer way at some point. I think there’s an age where tragedy is allowed to be tragedy, and certain degrees of awful behavior can be chalked up to environment and circumstances. I don’t think Ty was always destined to be irredeemable like canon suggests. I think he is-- at least, I think a total redemption or anything that would imply he’s Never Going To Act Awful Again would be... a bit unrealistic now that we’ve seen how far he’s gone-- but at the same time, just from the assumptions I’ve made personally about what must have led to that point, I think there was an age where Ty could have been helped and he wasn’t. Ironically, I think Tony and Ty finding each other made things worse for both of them in the long run, not just because of everything Ty was, but also because of everything Tony was and Ty’s inability to match that.

And that’s just my two cents. I don’t necessarily mind evil-for-no-reason Ty in the same way I don’t mind evil-for-no-reason Howard and evil-for-no-reason Anyone Else; these stories can be fun to read, and it’s not like no one on the face of the earth has ever been evil for no reason. It certainly can be realistic, it just... doesn’t read that way to me immediately, and it doesn’t tend to be as emotional an experience for me. It’s more, “Holy shit!” and less, “I’m probably going to cry myself to sleep tonight!” And both of those feelings when reading comics are totally fine, but the latter is what tends to appeal to me the most.

So, this is what I prefer. And that’s really all it is-- a preference. But I do like to think Ty legitimately cared for Tony at one point (similar to how Whitney cares for Tony, or how the sentient armor cared for Tony), and maybe just... wasn’t really consistent enough as a person to recognize that, often throwing it away for the sake of proving himself superior to Tony, right to the very end. He wanted to have his Tony and kill him too, and he couldn’t.

Anyway.

There you are. I wasn’t sure whether or not you were asking specifically about canon events or my interpretation specifically, so I gave you both. 

If you want more of my personal interpretation, I have a whole bunch of headcanons in this ask that go further into my specific warping of Ty canon that I tend to use in my own writing. There might be some repetitiveness. 

If you want more strict canon answers, feel free to ask any more questions at any time! I live in this specific piece of Vol. 3 and am always excited to come out and talk about Ty Stone, even when canon gets perplexing to me.