#of course this is also entirely my fault
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i have resolved any hardware issues that might have been standing in the way between me and making spn amvs . unfortunately this does nothing to fix the problem that i have No Fucking Time
#new post#of course this is also entirely my fault#I'll own fully up to the fact that I've never seen a project i did not embrace wholeheartedly...#i think my therapist suspects it's self destructive behavior on purpose fisjhdoekd but it's more like I'm very bad at estimate work hours
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Wu trained Morro at the same time that Garmadon was training with Chen which MEANS that Misako was around to see what the pressure of wanting and training to be the Green Ninja could lead to.
So later when she had Lloyd and KNEW that he would be the legendary Green Ninja, do you think she thought of the child Wu had once trained? The kid who became so obsessed with proving himself that he put himself in danger time and time again? The little boy who ran off into the night and never came back?
After seeing that, is it any wonder why she didn't want to leave her son-- the actual Green Ninja-- to be trained by Wu at such a young age?
Maybe a boarding school for bad boys would never make him want to be a hero. Maybe it would keep him safe from the destructive power of destiny. Maybe Darkley's was the only way to save her beloved son, Lloyd Garmadon, from himself.
Maybe Misako remembered Morro. And maybe, just maybe, she knew it would be best if her son never turned into someone like that.
#misako haters say “why didn't she just leave lloyd with wu where he'd be safe?!” as if morro didn't literally die trying to prove himself#no hate to wu either though#morro was his first student and also naturally ambitious so it's not entirely Wu's fault that he turned out Like That#also there is the thought that wu had like just barely banished Garmadon to the underworld and Misako was maybe kinda bitter about that#or at least she knew her son woild either find out and hate wu or he would grow to hate his father#and remember Misako left because she didn't want her son and husband to have to fight. she was searching for a solution#so of course she left lloyd in a place that would make him want to be on the same side as his father. even if he was trained to be good in#the future he still grew up with the love and respect for his dad in his heart#look i know Misako isn't perfect but y'all have to stop hating on her#she did her best when all she was given was absolutely terrible options#cookie crumbs#my writing#ninjago#ninjago misako#ninjago morro#ninjago garmadon#ninjago wu
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Is anyone else still caught up on the parallels between Imogen and Opal?? Because I am.
I was revisiting my c3e92 and c3e93 live thoughts and came across two big points:
Firstly the parallel of Ted disappearing in order to protect Opal with Liliana disappearing to protect Imogen. And the contrast of Ted, who did so by becoming an inseparable part of Opal while Liliana tore herself away desperately trying to separate herself from Imogen. Both done out of a will to protect the other. (Fyi This was written during e92 before the Aevilux reveal)
Secondly, after the Aevilux reveal, this connection hit me: The locket Imogen got from Relvin (potentially carried by Liliana) carried her baby fingerprint and the words “The better halves make/become a better whole.” A sentiment that Imogen tries to use at the Malleus Key and on Ruidus to get through to her mom. And who is a near perfect literal manifestation of this? THE AEVILUX. The people who split their souls in two (or were born separate in Opal/Ted’s case) and live independently before reuniting again and becoming more powerful for it.
Now imagine Imogen and Opal were to meet (obviously possible as both are being pushed to fight Predathos/those trying to free it) and Imogen repeats the locket phrase and something about it sounds so familiar to Opal, but she just can’t remember it. The group realize that there are gaps in Opal’s memory. Eventually Imogen is able to restore Opal’s memories, living through them alongside Opal in the process (kind of like how she projected herself into Laudna’s head in e103). Then Opal helping Imogen get through to her mom in turn. Or even just them fighting side by side to prove how much stronger you can be if you stop running from your better half. That coming together is a way better way to protect someone than running away and fighting those battles alone.
TLDR: I need Imogen and Opal to meet and talk this instant. Please Mattholomew Mercer I would do anything.
#I also need to add that the parallels between Opal/Laudna and Ted/Imogen are just as intoxicating to me#especially because Laudna referred to herself as Imogen’s better half after she relays the locket phrase#I also need Laudna to teach Opal to embrace her new spooky look btw#please let the spooky queens meet#and of course the southern casters#also caught up in the irony of Lolth taking on a champion who’s race (Aevilux) are a group of Luxon followers#aka the group of people Lolth is bent on destroying#and in a way she is destroying Opal by severing her connections with her friends and destroying her memories of her past and family#all while still using Opal for her own betterment#opal will never leave my mind and it is entirely Aimee Carrero and Aabria Iyengar’s fault#critical role campaign 3#critical role#opal critical role#exu opal#imogen temult#liliana temult#c3e92#c3e93#also Opal would def give Laudna tips on how to annoy Delilah even more#like spritzing her with perfume
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i NEED to yap about personal shit i gotta get it out there somewhere
#AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#also i really have to shit but my brother is in the bathroom i am going to kill myself#OKAY OKAY UHH HHHHHGH UHHHHH#OKAY . MY DOG GOT HIT BY A CAR YESTERDAY RIGHT. CONTEXT. THERE IS A CREEK BY THE ROAD IN A RAVINE THAT I WAS SHOWING A FRIEND#AND THE DOG IS ALLOWED OUTSIDE CAUSE SHE NORMALLY DOESNT GO IN THE ROAD RIGHT?? SHE NORMALLY STAYS IN THE#BACK YARD WHICH IS. EXPANSIVE N THEFES A SHIT TON OF LAND WHERE SHE CAN RUN OFF SO I DIDNT THINK THE DOG WAS GONNA FOLLOW#DOWN TO THE CREEK. BUT SHE DID .? AND ENDED UP GOING IN THE ROAD BUT SHE LITERALLY NEVER GOES IN THE FUCKING ROAD#WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE SOME1 PURPOSELY HIT HER BUT ANYWAYS. I TOLD MY MOM CAUSE I.LIVE WITH HER N I KIND OF HAVE TO#AND SHES JUST SO. ough. o don't even know how to explain it. AN ASSHOLE??#SHES ACTING LIKE THE ENTIRE THING IS MY FAULT AND BEING A HUGE DICK ABOUT EVERYTHING. .I ASKED IF THE DOG WAS OKAY THIS MORNING#AND SHE JUST FUCKIN WENT "no viktor of course she's not okay' AND LIKE ROLLED HER EYES?? WHAT THE FUCK????#SHE GOT MAD WHEN I WENT TO PET THE DOG N SAID SHE WAS SCARED OF ME?? SHE WASN'T????? SHE WAS ROLLING OVER SO I COULD PET HER#istg my mom thinks everything is my fault and shes just a huge dick all the time EVEN MY BROTHERS AGREE WITH THAT SOMETOMES#AND SHE CLEARLY FAVORS THEM#so long story short im very worried for my dog but too scared and pissed off at my mom to actually do anything about it
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therapy can be something that is so eldritch horror coded actually
#just saw my entire life sprawling before my eyes fit into one simple specific mechanism#and of course. of course its my fucking father's fault#its honestly incredible. unbelievable#entire lifetime of decisions and anxiety and joy. fitting into this simple thing perfectly#it makes me want to start breaking stuff. but also laugh#its so good to know that and to see that. genuinely brings me joy to see how this works#but its also enormous. this is fate. quite literally this has been the thing controlling everything i do#having a normal one for sure#anyway this isnt a vent post because i dont feel bad#i feel. in awe. horrified but also compelled#fuck my stupid baka life yknow#fucking incredible#niki.rambles
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welp I have now been screamed at for bringing my cane to school (folded in my bag)
mom really does SAY she’s inclusive but then will spout the most ableist or fatphobic shit you’ve ever heard
#also EVERYTHING is about her#“you don’t feel well? I’m just a failure as a human then”#”you like this jacket? well too bad it looks FUCKING terrible”#except of course when I do something wrong#bc then it’s entirely my fault#”oh you have a b in your triple advanced ap class? well you’re just not trying”#I am trying so hard mom#why can’t you just believe me when I tell you things#if I tell you my hip hurts I feel like you should say “oh maybe we should use our extensive insurance to go to the doctor#something you haven’t in a year”#instead of “it’s because you’re a lazy bum who doesn’t run marathons because you’re so perfect for it but you’re too stupid and lazy”#“oh you don’t do this coping strategy that works for me but not for you? well it means you’re going to fail”#and when she doesn’t feel good I’m not allowed to be anything less than perfect#well guess what#I am flawed!!!!#sometimes I want my feelings to be taken seriously!!!!#sometimes I want to be believed for once in my goddamn life#anyways. sorry#vent
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Bad news, got back from the vet and my beautiful baby son is going to have to be put down soon, probably tomorrow or the next day, so send him best of wishes for his next few days~ Luckily, he's actually not in a lot of pain (for now, hopefully he won't be) and is acting pretty normal, so I'm hoping he won't suffer at all and everything will be peaceful for him.
#pet death tw#death mention#let me know if I need any other tags#I would post something to help pay for his euthanasia expenses or etc. but I don't know of any secure methods#since I don't know much about stuff like that. I've heard that like on paypal and ebay and stuff people can still get your real name#and some information from their payment receipts or whatever sutff like that. thats part of why I've held off on selling clothes and sculpt#res for so long is trying to find a way to do it that's the most safe. aside from literall yhaving to start an llc and open a business bank#account and run everything on an entirely sepreate thing just so it has no association with my name and etc.#and obviouskly I don't feel like figuring out all of that stuff right now lol#I am busy just trying to make my beautiful meatloaf son comfortable and spend some time with him whilst I can#It's sad. but I'm glad the issues were caught before he was in terrible pain or anything. So suprisingly it was actually a pretty easy#decision. I would rather him go out while he's feeling okay and relatively content then wait until he's in severe#pain or extremely lethargic or etc. So it seems all very sudden but . It's better that way for him.#anyway#of COURSE this has to happen during a heat wave also.. hhrgghhh...#more fuel for my vendetta against summer lol.. Not that it's the season's fault but. something bad happening in the winter#vs. seomthing bad happening in the summer which just adds an extra layer of 'oh yeah on top of everything else#you're going to be sweating and nauseous and chronically uncomfortable!' is like.. >:T#Also for him. part of the issue is lung cancer which has spread and caused a bunch of fluid to build up in his stomach (which is what I#noticed. even though he's acting perfectly fine and normal his stomach was weird and bloated suddenly)#but if part of the problem is his lungs (which look absolutely crazy on xray) then him breathing in hot shitty thick air is definitely#not as comfortable as if he were able to be nice and cool and snuggled in some blankets. etc. etc.#ANYWAY ghhb... send him much luck and positivity!! Really hoping he can make it through the next day or so without#taking a turn for the worst. So hopeing for a peaceful quiet exit and not like tramatic sudden things. etc. etc.#cross your fingers pray to your gods whisper to the night sky so on and so forth. whatever you do that's meaningful to you.
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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here's something I figured I'll find you sympathetic to: my baby just started solid foods & my in-laws (& occasionally my spouse!) keep trying to ~give him the idea~ by making horribly wet mouth-smacking sounds at him. And of course I can neither just leave the room or go UGH STOP THAT, which would be rude. but ughhhhg stop that.
whaaaaaaat omg they are teaching him not to chew with his mouth closed.......Denethor Training . Little Tomato. im so sorry anon and I believe you can wield more powerful and loving influence over baby and he will learn impeccable table manners
#pf course it's not a baby's fault if he is smacking and sploping. but it IS an adults oh my goddddd#this is like an entirely alien philosophy of Teaching Infant to me. with all my younger siblings it was an unfortunate reality#that due to their poor dexterity and ittybitty brains they were just gonna be gross for a while. but you would help them be not gross#also it IS funny that im The Guy That Hates Eating Sounds like if that's my niche. well it's true to who i am is what
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my anxiety is unbelievably fucking bad rn. i am so scared
#purrs#delete later#ask to tag#(putting slashes thru things so that they don’t show up in search btw)#i have no right to be scared bc im not there. but im so scared for the people of ga/za. and i am so scared that… idk. it’s completely my#fault bc i go looking for these kinds of things on purpose to hurt myself. but i doomscrolled last night about ww/3 and the possibility of#nu/clear war being fueled by is/rael’s ‘war’ on pale/stine and not only am i sick with fear about the people living directly in that region#but i am so fucking scared of the possibility of nu/clear war. or like. any war breaking out in the us. which i know is a ridiculous self#centered thought to have but my anxiety is out of fucking control rn and it has been getting worse throughout the week. i just don’t know#how to wrap my head around the violence of this week. and so few je/wish ppl i know irl are antizi/onist and ppl just expect me to be#supportive of is/rael jsut bc im je/wish and it makes me fucking FURIOUS not only because i resent these horrors being committed to innocent#people in the name of my own people but it is so extremely dangerous to conflate j/udaism with zi/onism. the consequences diasporic je/ws#are goi ng to face are of course nowhere near as central or all-consumingly violent as the people in gaz/a and i feel personally safe enough#as someone who (and i know this is kind of a terrible thing to say) passes very easily as a go/y (esp w a mask on) and has a g/oy last name#but i am so fucking terrified of the antise/mitism getting worse here and have been exposing myself to evidence of it even though it is#extremely destructive to my mental health. but also i deeply resent the rhetoric around ‘reach out to your j/ewish friends they’re suffering#rn’ because…. we are not a monolith nor are we the direct victims in this situation and it just feels so uncomfortable and centering to make#it an issue of silence etc etc when… there are innocent ppl in g/aza who are experiencing terror no human being should ever have to endure#and most of them are children and they are the people who will ‘pay’ most directly and immediately and severely for what happened a week ago#i just feel so fucking on edge from this entire situation and unable to do anything to help when the destruction is imminent and this#nightmare of a country is at the core of so much suffering in this world and it will take centuries to undo it all and in the meantime so#many innocent people are going to die and maybe the entire world will be destroyed by nu/clear war which we are basically begging for at#this point. it’s so hard to function in my personal life when i am keenly aware of what could be happening at any moment#i don’t know how to end this post. im just fucking scared and there’s nothing i can do
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We love giving our master's pre-thesis to our apprenticeship tutor so they can proofread it, and all they have to say is that's it's "too political" and "too controversial", that I should "censor" (no jokes, they used that word) the extract of my field diary that's in it, that I should delete or rewrite one of my hypothesis and, finally, that interviewing teachers for my research is "too delicate".
#tell me you don't understand scientific research without telling me you don't understand scientific research#and of course explaining that my thesis isn't going to be published or read outside of my thesis director and my defense's jury changed#absolutely nothing#worth noting that they haven't read it entirely and only skimmed it so they have absolutely none of the nuances i introduced but anyway#it's especially infuriating because this is happening the same week i got destroyed by a colleague for things that weren't my fault and the#didn't defend me at all#and like#i'm so scared this is gonna affect our work relationship#also because my other tutor still hasn't told me what they thought of it tho they have read it entirely and i know they saw my Teams messag#whice is worrying and upsetting because it's highly unusual#so yeah#i hate this and i'm sad and angry#and i don't understand why people don't understand scientific research to that extent in a fucking public institution that deals with schoo#i'm the second apprentice I know of to whom this happened...#i hate it i hate it i hate it#pia's venting again
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hold on everyone shut up im getting super emotional about jonathan sims
#tma#kara stop blogging#thinking about the web. thinking about how it was his first mark#and how that mark how that unaddressed trauma so deeply affected him.#and how befitting that is for the web too- to tie someone up its strands for YEARS#thinkin about how almost every single decision that man makes is made out of fear#that motherfucker has never felt safe in his god damn life you can tell and im EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT#thinking about how so much of his fear response is CONTROL because of it. His ridiculous skepticism was him trying to control it#if he denies it if he refuses to believe in it it cant hurt him#about his paranoia and desperation for knowledge is so rooted in that fear of losing control#about his entire s4 arc and grappling with becoming inhuman. about not feeling like he has any kind of personal autonomy#and how so often thats written off as him making excuses (and dont get me wrong- he makes excuses too. im not saying he doesnt) but also-#like you look at what happened with his first leitner and its like. he couldnt move. couldnt do anything to escape#and then when the other boy got taken he couldnt do anything to save him either#of course he feels like hes never had any control#of course hes desperate for knowledge- if he had only *known* what couldve happened then he couldve prevented it.#the survivors guilt is so deeply part of his character#and thats what makes jonah targeting him so fucking insidious and scary#he took his man who is already so terrified- put him in a situation where he was so out of his depth#knowing that his fear response would be to desperately try and figure out what was happening- to keep asking questions--#pulling himself deeper into the eyes influence and easily turning it around and making it Jon's fault#as if Jon isn't trapped like everyone else- it's just his fear response is so fucking perfect for the role the eye needs him to play#and then it leads to the ultimate trauma of ripping control away from Jon and forcing him to do something so fucking horrible#something he would never in a million years CHOOSE TO DO#how he's so terrified of being made a pawn and he is. playing a game against elias where he couldn't even see the board#locking him out of his own body...forcing him to open the door. like. FUCK#I MEAN FUCK DUDE. PETER LITERALLY SAYS “HE GOT YOU” WHEN JON ASKED WHAT HIS 'PRIZE' WAS#LIKE SCRATCH THAT!!! FUCKING SCRATCH THAT!! he wasn't even a player he was a fucking PIECE in the game#GOD!!!#GOD!!!! free my boy he did nothing wrong (he did so many things wrong)
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Just got threatened by a man who wanted to bring back the guillotine. Fucking FINALLY customers are putting some fucking effort into their death threats.
#it was of course over something that was entirely their own fault too#as usual#also like my guy you are talking to the wrong person here#‘it’s time to bring back the guillotine!’#don’t threaten me with a good time#luddy speaks#retail fun
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lol .
#um . who let me fill out my w-4 by myself .#why did i accidentally say i’m NOT subject to state tax withholding .#filed my taxes & turns out i owe $1000 in state tax bc none of it got taken out of my paychecks all year 🤪#like . lmfao . why is this on me n why did they make it all so misleading like they were actually trying to trip ppl up .#literally like . ok this one is on the govt they should have to just pay that on my behalf bc that …. shouldn’t be my fault#fuck the government fuck taxes fuck all this confusing bullshit like .????????????????????????????????????????#of course i immediately fixed my w4 but now i’m realizing that my paychecks are gonna be smaller now 🥲#& of course i JUST got paid but now that ENTIRE paycheck is going back to the fucking govt#& of course rent is also coming up .#& i don’t get paid again in another 2 weeks haha lol hehe 🙂
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sorry guys I can no longer write richjake fanfiction, I don’t believe in love anymore
#I KNOW ITS NOT TAYLOR’S FAULT OKAY LIKE SHES ALLOWED TO BREAK UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND#I CANT FORCE THEM TO BE TOGETHER#WERE THEY HAPPY? YEAH. WILL SHE FIND HAPPINESS AGAIN? YES.#IS IT ANY OF MY BUSINESS? NO. BUT MY MOM ALSO RECENTLY BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND AND KEEPS COMING TO ME TO TELL HER LOVE IS STILL REAL#AND OF COURSE IT IS ONE PERSON DOESNT DEFINE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE#BUT “WHO COULD STAY? YOU COULD STAY.” BUT HE COULDNT OKAY HE COULDNT#ITS NOT FAIR#i was in denial until about ten minutes ago i was fully convinced they were still together but i am faltering now#like cnn? fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.#lover and folklore and evermore and midnights like stop#she described love so purely that kind of love is supposed to remain untouched#jake dillinger#bmc#richjake#rich goranski#be more chill musical#lmao sneaking in the bmc tags after that whole rant feels so wrong
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if forgiving people is the right thing to do then why make people so hateable
#like come on yeah i wanna move on entirely from ppl#but i also feel an insane rage whenever i get reminded of them?#like dude its not my fault that ppl who hurt me are so hateable#what am i supposed to think of childish people who dont know what consequences are and see me as someone merely there to help them feel#better#which then leave me as soon as im having a hard time and then try to come back when im doing better as if nothing happened?#WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK OF COURSE I HATE THEM#ruwacore#:3#/non yan post!
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